Monday Night Raw – January 31, 1994: The Tax And Coin Toss Show
Monday Night Raw Date: January 31, 1994
Location: Fernwood Resort, Bushkill, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Irwin R. Schyster
We’re finally on a new taping cycle and that means we’re getting ready to start the build towards Wrestlemania X. In that case we need to have some clarification on the World Title situation, which is one heck of a mess at this point. As for tonight though, it’s the 1-2-3 Kid vs. Johnny Polo, which would be one heck of a drug conversation. Let’s get to it.
We take a quick look at the Bret Hart vs. Lex Luger situation. They tied in the Royal Rumble so we need to know who faces Yokozuna for the title first. The solution? A coin toss! I know face vs. face was rare back then but a coin toss? Really?
Opening sequence.
For reasons I don’t even want to comprehend, IRS is on commentary. He offers the loser of the coin toss a pair of Buffalo Bills t-shirts. Luger is originally from Buffalo so he might be happy with those.
Marty Jannetty vs. Johnny Polo
Jannetty is replacing an injured Kid who is relegated to commentary. Here’s what I don’t get: the Kid injured his leg on January 17 and the commentary that announced his match vs. Polo was recorded after the Rumble on January 22. So why in the world did they even bother announcing the match in the first place? The 1-2-3 Kid vs. Johnny Polo isn’t exactly a masterpiece so how does Marty being in there instead make any difference?
Anyway Polo insults the crowd and the Kid so Marty ties him up with the microphone cord and laughs at him a lot. Polo is sent outside and teases leaving but gets slammed in the aisle instead. Hey now, he might have had a reservation at Cracker Barrel. Back in and Marty takes a shot to the face and seems a bit, ahem……oh you know what I mean. Back from a break with Marty botching his half of a backdrop (dude it’s a simple front flip) and getting caught in a chinlock. Normally I’d say he can’t botch anything out of there but you never can tell. Marty fights up and a bad looking collision sends Polo outside.
Back in and we hit the pinfall reversal sequence before Johnny slows things back down with a headlock. Polo goes up to for the “I’m only going up top so I can dive onto your raised boot” spot and it’s time for the comeback. Marty crotches him on top but charges into the post. The Rocker Dropper finishes Polo a few seconds later.
Rating: D+. Thank goodness Polo was trying here because it was clear that Marty was in no condition to do anything. I still don’t get how anyone could ever make it back on TV when they look like that. It’s clear that Marty, who could wrestle circles around a lot of people when he’s clean, is in bad shape when he can’t take a backdrop. Why was he allowed to go back out there without getting in some real trouble?
IRS goes after the Kid post match and loses his briefcase somewhere in between. Cue Razor Ramon, who has recovered his gold chains which IRS stole. It seems that Kid took it, which makes me wonder how IRS couldn’t catch a guy on a broken leg.
After a break, IRS blames Marty for the chains being stolen.
Jack Tunney explains the World Title situation and the weird coin toss/mini tournament idea (there are brackets for this thing) for Wrestlemania. There will be guest referees for both matches. Of note: a Videocassette of the Year Award on the wall featuring Survivor Series 1987. Can we watch that instead? This whole thing is actually rather complicated, or at least moreso than it probably should have been. Today it would just be a triple threat so it’s better in a way…..I think?
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Miguel Rosado
IRS officially challenges Marty for next week, which he’ll accept if he has any guts. Normally those would be fighting words but in Marty’s condition, he’ll probably build a swing set shaped like a goldfish. Bigelow beats on him, beats on him some more, shrugs off a lame comeback and finishes with a falling headbutt.
It’s coin toss time, which includes another explanation of the rules for the live crowd. I have no idea why Tony Garea, Blackjack Lanza and various other yes men are there too. Luger wins and gets to face Yokozuna first (he would have faced Crush otherwise) and can’t wait to wrestle twice at Wrestlemania. Bret is upset about having to face Owen but there’s no way around it.
Kwang vs. Rich Myers
Kwang is Savio Vega in a masked Japanese gimmick. Some chops and a spinwheel kick in the corner stagger Myers as we go to Owen Hart on the phone. Owen is the real winner of the coin toss because he gets to prove that he’s better than Bret. The fans are doing the Wave in the tiny arena as this boring squash continues, complete with martial arts posing. Kwang ducks a middle rope crossbody and finishes with a superkick.
Rating: D-. It says a lot when a phone call is the highlight of the match. Normally I get annoyed at fans for doing something like the Wave but……yeah it must get a bit boring with all of these squashes in a row. Kwang was a goofy gimmick and it’s pretty clear you’re done when your name might come on screen during an Adam West Batman fight.
Time for the Wrestlemania Report and we recap the World Title situation for a ridiculous third time. It REALLY shouldn’t be that hard.
Paul Bearer knows the Undertaker is coming back.
Earthquake vs. Corey Student
That’s a horrible name, even by jobber standards. Student goes after him to start and is thrown down even faster than you would expect him to be. An over the shoulder backbreaker makes things even worse, even with IRS saying it’s an illegal hold. A slam sets up the Earthquake to finish the squash, which Vince actually called it earlier on.
Rating: D. Of all the people they could pick to push as a face, it’s Earthquake? If nothing else it’s kind of amazing that it was only three and a half years ago that Earthquake was the top heel in the company. Nothing to see here, other than that really horrible jobber’s name. Seriously: Corey Student?
Marty and Razor accept IRS’ challenge with Marty going on an anti-government rant.
We run down next week’s card to wrap it up.
Overall Rating: D. It wasn’t a good show or anything but above all else it felt like something important was actually going on here. That’s a problem that plagues so many of the shows from this era (and a lot of them today as well) but when things feel important, even a series of jobber matches are a bit easier to sit through.
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Monday Night Raw – January 24, 1994: Somebody Do Something
Monday Night Raw Date: January 24, 1994 Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross
Here’s a rare one as we have a TV show taped before a pay per view yet serving as the fallout show. There’s a chance that the commentary has been updated (remember that the Rumble was on a Saturday so they would have extra time) but this could be an interesting case. Let’s get to it.
Lex Luger vs. Austin Steele
The commentary has indeed been done post-Rumble as the announcers talk about Luger being a co-winner. Steele has a great name but looks like Buddy Landel, which isn’t the best thing in the world in 1994. Luger starts with the right hands and a pair of hiptosses but Steele actually gets in a few shots to the ribs to take over. Lex grabs a belly to back followed by a regular superplex for the pin. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him use that as a finisher and….well it was just a superplex so there isn’t much to say about it.
Rating: D. Just a match here and the ending didn’t exactly do much. It’s a smart move to have Luger on here two nights after he won a major match. I know the fans didn’t get that at the time but at least they’re keeping him on TV to keep him hot. You would think he’d be a bit more upset but he can’t actually say that until next week.
We hit the Royal Rumble recap to cover everything major. Todd does screw up and say the show was last night (it was two nights ago).
Jeff Jarrett vs. John Paul
Jeff starts with a dropkick but gets small packaged and sunset flipped for two each. The comeback doesn’t take long though as JR brings up a good point about Jarrett: for someone who wants to be a country singer, he certainly dresses oddly for his wrestling matches. Jarrett misses an elbow and gets rolled up for two, followed by some uppercuts to the jaw. Jeff comes right back with a rollup and a handful of trunks for the pin.
Rating: D+. Well it was better than Luger’s match. I know his later stuff wasn’t the most interesting in the world but DEAR GOODNESS Jeff was so much worse back at this point. The gimmick, the look and the wrestling itself really didn’t work and that’s a dangerous combination. It’s bad enough when one of them isn’t up to par but with 1994 Jarrett, I’m not sure any of them were.
Men on a Mission vs. Headshrinkers
Men on a Mission are replacing the Harts, which is annoying as I wanted to see the original match. Mo sends Fatu into the corner in one of the only successful things you’ll ever see him do. The Samoans head outside for a breather as this is already dragging. For some reason Mo tries a faceplant and is almost immediately superkicked down.
It’s off to Mabel to scare Fatu, who actually tries a slam. A pair of superkicks actually bring Mabel down to a knee but for some reason Fatu tries a suplex. That earns him a big boot to the face before it’s back to Mo as we take a break. Back with Mo taking a double clothesline and giving one of the most bewildered faces I’ve ever seen. Mo is sent into the steps and chopped down but does manage to get in a sunset flip.
Fatu is right there for a save, which probably isn’t necessary considering it’s freaking Mo (Did I mention I’m not a fan of his?). A double headbutt gets two more but Mo manages to fall into the ropes to crotch Fatu. The hot tag brings in Mabel for all of his usual stuff, only to have the Samoans knock him outside. Mo takes another double headbutt and a top rope splash for the pin.
Rating: D-. Who decided that Men on a Mission should have gone this far? Being a big Headshrinkers fan helped a bit but this was hardly the easiest thing in the world to watch. Mabel was good for a big man but…..yeah Mo was horrible. Like horrible horrible. The look on his face when he got beaten up was amusing though.
Adam Bomb vs. Tommy Angel
Angel shrugs off some offense and scores with a few dropkicks, only to get shoved into the corner for a stomping. Bomb dropkicks him in the ribs as the announcers take shots at Bill Clinton. JR switches over to blaming Harvey Wippelman for screwing up Bomb’s career as Adam hits a top rope clothesline. The Atom Smasher (powerbomb) puts Tommy away.
Rating: D. Angel was a regular jobber around this time so he was able to put on a watchable match. The same could be said for Bomb, who was a good power guy but with a gimmick based on being the result of a nuclear disaster who sounded like he was from southern Alabama was a bit too much for him to overcome.
Sparky Plugg loves cars.
Doink the Clown vs. Joey Stallings
Dink has an invisible dog….and the jobber actually sells for it. JR: “Stallings is a sandwich or two short of a picnic.” Doink gets two off a belly to belly and it’s off to an armbar. Back up and Stallings grabs a bad looking side slam, only to miss a dropkick. Doink grabs a powerslam and finishes with the Whoopee Cushion.
Rating: D-. I’m not sure what there is to say about this one. Do you really brag about beating someone who was attacked by a non-existent dog? I know 1994 was kind of a dumb time but are we really to the point where jobbers are scared of a tiny clown’s invisible dog. I…..can’t believe I actually had to type that.
Tyrone Knox vs. Shawn Michaels
Knox has a good look. They run the ropes to start with Shawn taking him down and dropping an elbow across his back. Knox’s offense doesn’t go very far as Shawn gets in a hiptoss and stomp to the head. We hit the chinlock and Vince confirms that the WWF will NOT be replacing the NFL on CBS. Thanks for that boss. Knox gets in a few headbutts (JR: “YOU GO TYRONE!”) but it’s a superkick and the piledriver (good one too) for the pin.
Rating: D+. Shockingly Shawn has the best match on the card. It helps when you have someone who doesn’t look like a complete loser and Knox at least looked good at times. It’s still just a squash but when you have a decent opponent and one heck of a piledriver to end the show, things are at least a bit better.
Overall Rating: F. Oh yeah this one was bad. They knew they had to be careful with what they could say in the arena and that makes for a REALLY dull show. Just long and boring here, which really shouldn’t be the case on a show that is only about forty five minutes long when you take out commercials. The new cycle should help but this was really boring.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – January 17, 1994: A Phone Call From The Future
Monday Night Raw Date: January 17, 1994
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia Commentators: Vince McMahon, Crush
It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble and that means it’s time for a good old fashioned hard sell show with a big brawl at the end. Unfortunately it also means more about Undertaker vs. Yokozuna to help set up one of the worst matches of all time. This show starts the second year of the show so let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s Tag Team Title change, including the false finish for some reason.
Opening sequence.
Crush is on commentary. I didn’t know he could talk for five minutes straight, let alone an hour. We get some ranting about how Crush is going to win the Royal Rumble and how horrible Savage is.
Owen Hart vs. Terry Austin
It’s weird to see Owen as a face with Bret in his corner. Owen takes him down and hits a monkey flip without the flip. We hit the chinlock as Crush is actually complimenting Owen on his good stuff, which you rarely hear from a heel comment. It’s time to work on the arm as we go to a phone call from Stan Lane at Madison Square Garden for a live report on the Tag Team Title match. This is a bit more interesting as the title match wouldn’t take place for another week. Owen throws him down for a top rope elbow, followed by the missile dropkick. The Sharpshooter ends Austin in a hurry.
Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but Crush said “Brudda” every other word and it’s going to be a long night. Owen was starting to come into his own around this time and he’s on the verge of launching through the roof when his brother gave him one of the best rubs of all time. You can hear the seeds in the commentary too as we keep hearing about how their issues have been smoothed over.
Owen is happy for Marty Jannetty/1-2-3 Kid but he wouldn’t mind the Quebecers getting the titles back so the brothers can have a shot. Bret says about the same but knows Marty and the Kid would give them a shot too.
Tatanka vs. George South
South is a long time NWA jobber who Ric Flair always wanted to have a classic match with but the company would never let it happen. Scott hammers away in the corner and they trade clotheslines. We hear from Lane again as the title match has begun with the champs showing a lot of fire. A ram into the buckle sends Tatanka onto the warpath and it’s a series of chops, capped off by the top rope chop, for the pin.
Video on Alundra Blayze.
Here are Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji for a chat. Jim Cornette isn’t here because he’s over in Tokyo at a press conference to get ready for Yokozuna’s big celebration. Cue Paul Bearer with the big casket to scare Yokozuna. This takes forever and of course Undertaker is inside. Yokozuna wobbles away after taking nearly six minutes for the whole thing.
Next week: The Hart Brothers vs. the Headshrinkers. That actually sounds pretty good.
Diesel vs. Scott Powers
Diesel hits Snake Eyes and a side slam before throwing it to Shawn for some cheating on the floor. There’s something so evil about a guy who can beat up the jobber like that but allows his buddy to get in a few shots of his own. We go back to Lane at MSG and THOSE DASTARDLY QUEBECERS HAVE STOLEN THE TITLES BACK! As we try to digest that, Diesel powerbombs Powers and then boots him in the face (odd choice of a sequence) wraps it up.
Rating: D. This was about what you would expect but the amazing thing is that Diesel would be World Champion in about ten months. Then again that’s the kind of thing you can never guess in wrestling, which is one of the most fun aspects. Diesel was starting to get good and only needed a few more months to put it all together.
We hit the Royal Rumble report with a look at most of the card and everyone in the Rumble.
Randy Savage vs. IRS
Vince calls Savage the Joe Montana of the WWF. IRS actually takes over to start and sends Savage into the corner and then to the floor. I guess Savage is devastated over the title change. Crush continues to surprise me as he basically turns his commentary into a long heel promo on Savage, only to be cut off by Savage’s comeback taking us into a break.
Back with Savage being dropped across the barricade, which Crush hopes will shut his big mouth. A suplex sets up a chinlock (pretty clearly a choke) for a bit until Savage misses a charge into the corner. Savage is sent outside and we take a second break. Back again with Savage caught in an abdominal stretch before hitting the third chinlock of the match. Another quick comeback sees Savage slam him and go up for the elbow, only to have Crush come in for the DQ.
Rating: D+. The chinlocks took the life out of this but I’m glad they didn’t have IRS, who is challenging for the Intercontinental Title at the Rumble, lose clean here. You could see that Savage had lost a lot of steam at this point but he was still able to have a perfectly acceptable match, especially if he had someone willing to put in a bit more effort than IRS here.
Post match the Mini-Rumble breaks out to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. Horrible show here but that’s pretty standard for this era. The 94 Rumble wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world and they really didn’t do much of a job of featuring Luger, especially when he’s possibly the biggest star in the whole thing. It really does feel like a show where anyone could win, but that doesn’t always make for the best match. If nothing else we do have to sit through the build for Undertaker vs. Yokozuna and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – January 10, 1994: Marty Does It Again
Monday Night Raw Date: January 10, 1994
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage
It’s the first anniversary and that’s almost hard to fathom when we’re used to the show being well over twenty years old. I can’t imagine we’ll have a ton of highlights or memorable moments as there were only so many things to pick from at this point. We do however have a Tag Team Title match with the Quebecers defending against Marty Jannetty/1-2-3 Kid. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the title match with the Quebecers helping Johnny Polo beat Marty a few weeks back. Marty and the Kid want revenge and maybe some titles.
Polo and the Quebecers are sure they’ll win.
Opening sequence.
Savage comes out to do commentary.
Tag Team Titles: 1-2-3 Kid/Marty Jannetty vs. Quebecers
The Quebecers are defending of course. Marty starts with Jacques and an early victory roll almost gives us new champions. Pierre comes in and tries his luck with the Kid, who sends him outside again as we get a long 1-2-3 chant. Everything breaks down and the champs are sent together, setting up a meeting on the floor. Marty comes in and launches Kid into a dropkick on Pierre as the champs bail again. The Quebecers go to leave but come back almost immediately like the teases they are.
Back from a break with footage of a false finish during the break as Marty pinned Jacques, only to see a foot on the ropes. We settle down to Marty vs. Pierre and some heel miscommunication has the champs in trouble. It’s off to the Kid, who drops both champs with a spinning kick and a flip dive from the top.
The referee is checking on a downed Jannetty and the champs shove the Kid off the top to take over for the first time. We take another break and come back with Jacques scoring with a jumping back elbow. The Quebecers do a lame looking clothesline/legsweep combo before Jacques adds a piledriver for no cover.
Instead it’s the Cannonball (assisted Swanton) but they STILL don’t cover. They load up a second so Marty comes in for the save, drawing some swearing from Savage. The hot tag brings in Marty for the house cleaning, capped off by a suplex/high crossbody combination for the pin and the titles.
Rating: B. This was a bit longer than it needed to be but the pop for the title change was worth it in the end. Marty and the Kid weren’t exactly long term champions as they would lose the belts back a week later at a house show but this was exactly what it was supposed to be. And remember, even though Marty won the Tag Team Titles before Shawn and had previously beaten Shawn for the Intercontinental Title, his name should be used as an insult when talking about split up tag teams. For the life of me I still don’t get why it’s not “he’s the Jim Neidhart of the team”. Anyway, good match and a fun moment.
We look back at the 1-2-3 Kid beating Razor Ramon about nine months ago.
Jim Ross does the Royal Rumble Report so we go over the rules and look at all 30 entrants. The rest of the card gets a look and thankfully the Quebecers still have their belts in the graphic.
Last year, Jerry Lawler tormented Tiny Tim. This wasn’t funny in 1993 and it still isn’t now.
Ludvig Borga vs. Brad Anderson
Joined in progress with Borga destroying the jobber and shrugging off some clotheslines. Lex Luger calls in to talk about the Rumble as Borga scores with a side slam. The torture rack ends Anderson in a hurry.
We look at Yokozuna winning a squash but getting scared by Undertaker building a casket to reveal the stipulations.
Back in September, Doink threw water on Bobby Heenan to officially turn face
Undertaker vs. Ray Hudson
Snake Eyes, chokeslam, Tombstone. There might have been some uppercuts scattered in between.
We look back at Bastion Booger vs. Bam Bam Bigelow, which is fallout from Luna Vachon rubbing Booger’s hump.
Macho Man has a Happy Anniversary Raw cake and just happens to be facing IRS next week. Either the next match is running a long time or there’s something planned for the end of the show.
Bastion Booger vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Bam Bam beats him down to the mat to start as I have to hear far too much about hump rubbing. Booger ducks a charge and sends Bigelow outside so Luna blows Bastion kisses. The distraction lets Booger hit him from behind and drop the headbutt for the pin. At least it was short. Fat but short.
Bigelow beats him up even more post match.
Polo and the Quebecers are distraught but they have a rematch at Madison Square Garden in a week.
Kamala turned face in 1993. This would lead to bowling.
IRS comes out and gets thrown into the cake to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. It’s so weird to see Raw having almost no big moments to look back on when you’re used to the show having a greatest hits list dating back nearly twenty five years. The title change was a nice way to commemorate the anniversary but that’s about all there is here. You might think they would spend more time on the World Title match at the upcoming Royal Rumble but we had humps to rub.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – January 3, 1994: A New Year’s Hangover?
Monday Night Raw Date: January 3, 1994
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Johnny Polo
It’s a new year as we’re getting close to the start of the second year of Raw. We’re also getting close to the 1994 Royal Rumble and that means we’re still in the fallout of the Lex Express. It also means we’re seeing the upgraded Bret Hart rising to the top of the company and that’s a very, very good thing. Let’s get to it.
We open with Undertaker building a casket which Paul Bearer says is for Yokozuna. Undertaker’s New Year’s Resolution is to make Yokozuna rest in peace.
On Wrestling Challenge, Jim Cornette reveals that the title match he accidentally signed Yokozuna up for a casket match. As expected, Yokozuna is scared of caskets. Of note here: Stan Lane, as in Cornette’s old client in the Midnight Express, is the interviewer here.
Opening sequence.
Yokozuna vs. Dan Dubiel
For some reason Dubiel goes right after him and has exactly the same luck you would expect. A hard Rock Bottom sets up an even harder belly to belly with Polo absolutely loving this on commentary. The usual sets up the Banzai Drop with Yokozuna landing much higher than usual and nearly hitting the guy’s neck for the pin. That could have been very, very bad but Dubiel seems to be fine.
Rating: D+. The first thing here is how much better Polo is on commentary. He’s just so laid back and relaxed about everything and that’s all exactly what he should have been. It made for a very amusing exchange as he kept referring to Vince as Vic. Oh and the Banzai Drop looked TERRIFYING here, which is fine as long as the jobber was ok.
We look back at the Quebecers switching places and still losing to Lex Luger anyway. Polo took a steel forearm of his own.
Earlier today, Luger sat down with Vince for a chat. Luger is on fire at the moment but none of that matters if he doesn’t get to compete in the Royal Rumble. We’ll find out whether or not he gets to be involved in a week but the people have already given him a vote of confidence via a poll. Until the decision is made though, Jim Cornette and the rest of Yokozuna’s people can keep being worried about having to face even more competition. Lex gives Tunney and the people one last plea and we’re done in a hurry.
Sparky Plugg drives cars.
Smoking Gunns vs. Bastion Booger/Bam Bam Bigelow
My that’s a lot of B’s, plus Luna Vachon in the monsters’ corner. Bigelow throws Billy around to start but a dropkick puts him on the floor. It’s off to Bart for some arm cranking before Booger comes in, meaning Polo wants to know what’s up with the hump on his neck. The cowboys are sent outside and it’s time for an early break. Back with Booger getting shouldered down but he low bridges Bart….through the ropes because Bart didn’t get over the top for some reason.
Polo talks about Booger wanting to lose three pounds by the end of the year but there are several excuses, such as a dog running his running shoes or the TV at the gym being on the wrong channel. It’s off to Bigelow, who Polo says has made Barney and Betty proud since he broke up with Pebbles.
A legdrop gets two on Bart but he avoids a charge and makes the hot tag to Billy. Polo: “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” Luna is busy rubbing Booger’s hump (don’t ask) and a double backdrop gets two on Bigelow. Unfortunately for Bam Bam, Bastion kisses Luna and gets slapped for his efforts. Bigelow finally sees what’s going on and gets in a brawl with his partner for the countout.
Rating: F. Go back and read through some of what I wrote near the end of that match and try to figure out why I call this match a failure. There was nothing to this one and it was a great example of how horrible wrestling can get at times. I’m sure Vince found this hilarious in some twisted way and I’m going to leave it inside his head.
Todd Pettengill is in the Royal Rumble Control Center to explain the concept of the namesake match and list off twenty seven confirmed named. The other three will be announced over the weekend. The rest of the card gets some attention as well.
Next week: Raw’s First Anniversary!
Jeff Jarrett vs. John Chrystal
Jeff actually gets rolled up for two to start so he runs John over without much effort. A sunset flip gives John two more and it’s time for some right hands while the announcers talk about the pay per view. Chrystal gets in a weird powerslam for two more but a running DDT (not a great one either) gives Jeff the pin.
Rating: D. Who would have expected this to be so competitive? Again though Jarrett was hardly anything worth seeing but that’s the case with almost anything he did more often than not. The long blond hair didn’t help him much either but at least John seemed more than game here.
Last week, Polo beat Marty Jannetty with a little help from the Quebecers. Therefore, Jannetty and the 1-2-3 Kid come out to ask for a Tag Team Title shot against the Quebecers next week.
Razor Ramon doesn’t want us to smoke.
Shawn Michaels vs. Brian Walsh
Since this is going to be a squash, let’s take a phone call from Quebecer Jacques. Shawn takes him to the mat without breaking a sweat and it’s time to work on an armbar. Walsh bridges up from the mat and Shawn can’t break him down. A few rollups are good for two each on Shawn and Polo is freaking out. With nothing else working, Shawn throws him to the floor so Diesel can…..put him back inside. A bodyguard who does his job and nothing more? I don’t see much of a future for him in this business. We hit a chinlock on Brian so Johnny can talk about his ancestor Horatio Abercrombie Polo settling the island of Palm Beach. Walsh makes a comeback but misses a dropkick, setting up the superkick. A piledriver gives Shawn the pin.
Rating: D. This was similar to the previous match, making it a pair of slightly more competitive than usual squash matches. Polo continued to be the most entertaining part of the match but I’m not sure he’s enough to overcome an interview with Jacques. How could someone decide that was the best possible option here?
We run down the Anniversary Show card to end the show.
Overall Rating: F+. Pretty standard show for the time and that’s not too surprising. As mentioned multiple times, Polo was the best part of the show and that’s a good thing, assuming he actually sticks around. Unfortunately I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a replacement sooner rather than later because it could mean some entertaining TV. It’s a bunch of bad wrestling around Polo though and that’s not going to work.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – November 11, 2002: Just the Two of Them
Monday Night Raw Date: November 11, 2002
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for Survivor Series 2002 and that means we’re in for a lot of talking about the Elimination Chamber. Why do I have a feeling that means we get to hear about HHH being amazing and being able to overcome the odds? I know the others are just window dressing around the HHH vs. Shawn match but would at least giving us a reason to believe something is possible be that much to ask? Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
HHH vs. Booker T. later tonight and Shawn is here as well.
Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Kane vs. Chris Jericho/Christian
Christian and Jericho, coming out to Saliva’s King of the World here, are defending. Van Dam and Jericho run the ropes to start with Rob scoring off a kick to the jaw and the standing moonsault. Kane comes in to a very nice pop and punches Jericho out of the air. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Kane chokeslamming Jericho but the referee is distracted, allowing Christian to get in a low blow. Can we please get a referee who isn’t a complete screwup for once? It’s amazing how only one or two ever have been able to get this stuff right.
Christian works Kane over for a bit until it’s off to Van Dam without too much trouble. Rolling Thunder gets two on Christian but Jericho offers a distraction, allowing Christian to shove Van Dam to the floor. Things settle back down with Jericho getting two off a belly to back and grabbing a chinlock. Jericho stops to dance and actually hits his running crotch attack to the back of the neck.
The champs try some double teaming with Van Dam clotheslining Christian, allowing the hot tag to Kane. Everything breaks down again and the top rope clothesline misses. The Canadians suplex Kane down but he pops up for a chokeslam on Christian. Jericho is right back up for a belt shot to the mask, leaving Van Dam to Five Star Christian for no cover. Kane rolls onto Christian but Jericho hits him with a chair for the DQ.
Rating: B-. This was getting really good near the end with the cheap ending to save everyone. Jericho attacking Kane before Sunday made sense but the Tag Team Title situation is still kind of a mess. Christian and Jericho are probably the best option they have but it would be nice to have some regular teams instead of just throwing people together for a change.
Jericho wears Kane out with the chair.
Post break, Jericho says he’s winning the match no matter what. Christian says he’s the official alternate for anyone who can’t make the match. Jericho chairs him down because no one is winning that match but him.
Video on HHH vs. Shawn Michaels because, again, Sunday is all about them.
Booker is warming up when Ace Reporter Gregory Helms comes in to ask about the Chamber. Booker has been doing more thinking than Abraham Lincoln because he’s ready to beat up HHH, you dig? Goldust comes in to talk about the size of his microphone and mentions that they’re teaming up tonight to face Test/Steven Richards. Goldust: “Beware of the testicles because they’re becoming stronger.” To clarify, he’s NOT talking about Test’s fans.
Jeff Hardy vs. Lance Storm
JR yells about Storm and Regal carrying their flags on Veterans Day. For those of you unfamiliar, it’s also the Canadian and UK’s Remembrance Days, making this day important to all countries. Jeff doesn’t even have a flag but JR doesn’t bother complaining about that. An early crucifix attempt is countered into a Regal roll for two on Hardy and a backbeaker is good for the same.
Jeff’s legdrop between the legs gets a fast two but Storm sends him hard into the corner to work on the back some more. Lance cranks on the arms but gets caught by a mule kick to the chest to start the real comeback. The Whisper in the Wind gets two and they seem to botch a whip so Jeff gets two off a rollup instead.
Hardy sends him to the floor where Regal offers some help. As you might expect, Jeff tries to run the barricade but manages to fall off, setting up a regular double clothesline instead. Somehow he mess THAT up too as he misses Regal and only grazes Storm. Tommy Dreamer runs out to take care of Regal, leaving Jeff to hit a reverse Twist of Fate and the Swanton for the pin.
Rating: D+. So that was a mess and I can’t imagine it can be blamed on anyone but Jeff and his dealer. While he would have worse matches than this later on, it was clear that Jeff didn’t need to be in the ring at this point. It wasn’t the worst match in the world but I’d be scared to see what would happen if Hardy was in there with someone less talented than Storm.
We look back at Victoria attacking Terri last week.
Eric Bischoff has made Terri vs. Victoria for tonight. Terri freaks out as you would expect but Victoria is in the ring calling her out for looking like Trish Stratus. Terri says she’s not a wrestler (well duh) but Eric says go wrestler or get fired. He brings up her daughter because he’s a good heel boss.
Post break, Terri comes out and tries to beg off because there’s nothing for Victoria to prove. Victoria lets her off from the match but beats her up anyway. Terri loses her top (of course) but hits Victoria with a shoe. That earns her a slam on the ramp and a whip into the steps. Charles Robinson tries to break it up and gets hit low, leaving Victoria to grab a ladder. Trish finally comes out for the save.
Batista is walking through the back when Ric Flair comes out of HHH’s locker room (no idea how Flair knew Batista was there) to say how impressive Batista is. Batista won’t shake his hand but does say thank you.
D’Lo Brown vs. Dave Batista
JR tries to convince us that Brown has a chance here as the big clothesline, spinebuster and Batista Bomb wrap this up in a hurry.
Thank you veterans.
Here’s Shawn for a chat. By now, everyone knows how he believes in his God, his family and in each and every one of them. The thing is he’s human, and that means he also believes in retribution. Shawn doesn’t know what an Elimination Chamber match is but he didn’t know what a ladder match, the Cell or a Marathon match was but they wound up going just fine. Well he lost the first two ladder matches, nearly died in the Cell and apparently can’t remember the name of the third so this might not be the best idea.
It was only four years off with a career ending back injury but hey, it could happen! He might not be the Heartbreak Kid anymore but he’s still Shawn Michaels and that might be enough. Shawn really doesn’t care about winning the World Heavyweight Championship. All that matters is making sure HHH doesn’t walk out with the belt. Shawn believes all things are possible and it’s possible that he’s the next champ. Cue HHH to say that in this arena, he’s god. The brawl is on and HHH leaves him laying with the Pedigree. Referees come out to break up the sledgehammer swing.
Dudley Boyz vs. 3 Minute Warning
Jeff Hardy is here as there’s a six man tables match between Bubba/Spike/Jeff vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning on Sunday. Normally I would ask why Rico wasn’t facing Jeff earlier but Storm was the better option all Jeff issues considered. Bubba beats up both Samoans to start and Spike adds a top rope double stomp to Jamal’s ribs. A backdrop sends Spike to the floor for one heck of a crash. The slow beating sees Spike being sent outside but Bubba tags himself in on the way through the ropes. Bubba cleans house as Jeff beats up Rico. Jamal gives Bubba the pop up Samoan drop for the fast pin.
Jeff beats up all three bad guys but misses the Swanton as Rico is pulled to safety. Jamal splashes Jeff and Spike through the same table for a huge crash.
Scott Steiner video.
Here’s Christopher Nowinski to say Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame. Never mind of course as he’s just doing an experiment in crowd manipulation.
Al Snow vs. Christopher Nowinski
Snow charges the ring and Nowinski drops the mic for a rather loud noise. A headlock takes Chris down and a right hand to the jaw makes things even worse. Nowinski grabs a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin.
Chris goes after him again post match but Maven makes the save.
Here’s Eric Bischoff for a chat. After a quick plug for tomorrow’s Super Tuesday special, we get a video on the making of the Chamber. Eric actually explains the concept and that’s about it.
F-View shows us Steven Richards trying to get Stacy to be his marketing agent too. In other words, he wants her to spank him with the kendo stick. Test does it instead and Stacy bends over for something but……RNN BREAKING NEWS!
Orton has suffered a setback in the form of a chaffed shoulder due to a bad sling. It’s been solved though and his recovery will be fine.
Trish says buy Anthology.
Hurricane/Goldust vs. Test/Steven Richards
Test beats on Hurricane to start before it’s off to Richards who takes a Blockbuster. Richards hits Test by mistake and the Eye of the Hurricane gets two. Everything breaks down and Test Rolls the Dice on Hurricane for the fast pin.
Richards hugs Stacy so Test beats him up. Test: “DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH ONE OF MY TESTICLES!”
Booker tells HHH that he’ll win on Sunday. There are five opponents on Sunday and someone is beating HHH. The champ holds up five fingers and slowly counts them down. I think you get where this is going.
HHH vs. Booker T.
Non-title. Booker spinwheel kicks him down at the bell and scores with a suplex on the floor. That earns Booker a whip into the steps and the jumping knee/facebuster back inside. Naturally the announcers are talking about college football with JR getting overly annoyed. Booker elbows HHH in the face to set up the ax kick but has to slam Flair off the top. Flair gets kicked to the floor but it’s a low blow in the Pedigree to give HHH the pin.
Rating: D. And so much for Booker, just in case you thought he had the slightest chance of pulling off a miracle on Sunday. There was no reason to have him lose here other than to make sure you knew HHH was the star. Booker didn’t have to win but do a no contest or something other than having Booker lose like this. Then again he’s already lost all the credibility he could have had in the first place so this doesn’t exactly cripple him.
Shawn comes in to beat on HHH and Flair but all six Chamber participants come in for the brawl. Everyone hits everyone as this goes on WAY too long. Shawn eventually gives HHH a Pedigree but gets chaired by Jericho to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. This show managed to kill off the Elimination Chamber before the thing even debuts. WWE is making one thing very clear: HHH and Shawn Michaels are all that matter on Sunday and the other four are just window dressing. They really would have been better off doing a cage match or something like that but I guess Shawn isn’t ready to do that kind of thing yet. Either way, there’s no secret that the other four have no chance and WWE isn’t bothering to hide it.
The rest of the show continued to showcase how worthless most of Raw really is. We sat through a bunch of short, worthless matches that aren’t interesting and didn’t do anything to make me want to keep watching. Everything feels either sloppy or lethargic with nothing that would even remotely classify as a hot feud. When you factor in that it’s being compared to the recently amazing Smackdown, the show somehow feels even worse, if that’s possible.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – April 10, 2017: Shake Shake Shake
Monday Night Raw Date: April 10, 2017
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
In case last week’s post-Wrestleania show wasn’t enough for you, this week we have the first half of the Superstar Shakeup, which will see various talents going to the other shows. In other words, it’s whatever they can call the Draft this time around. We’re also less than three weeks away from Payback so let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here are Miz and Maryse as Cena and Nikki for their return to Raw. Miz knows they said they were going to Hollywood but it turns out they sucked as actors. So what better way to revamp their careers than come back here? Cue Dean Ambrose, who is so glad to see John and Nikki and congratulates them on their engagement.
Miz tries to explain this to him but Dean cuts them off and congratulates them on beating the horrible Miz and Maryse at Wrestlemania. Dean loved Cena’s commercial as an elephant but warns against doing something stupid like making Marine 5. Miz reveals their real identities….and gets taken down by Dirty Deeds.
Kurt Angle is on the phone when Sami Zayn comes in to ask if he’s going to Smackdown. Does being here tonight mean he’s staying on Raw? Angle cuts him off and says there’s a lot of interest from Smackdown, which Sami asks him to quantify. Miz and Maryse come in to cut him off to trigger an argument, which sets up a match between the two. Angle looks like he’s about to snap after being here two weeks.
New Day vs. Revival
Woods and Big E. here as Kofi is out after Revival severely hurt his ankle. Not to worry though as Big E. has a Kofi blowup doll as a replacement. Revival mocks Kofi’s injury via some custom t-shirts and are quickly taken down for their efforts. New Day works on Wilder until we take an early break. Back with Dawson working on Woods’ ribs as we hear more about Kofi’s ankle injury and subsequent surgery. The hot tag brings in Big E. to clean house with belly to bellies and a Warrior splash on Wilder.
Dawson gets in a cheap shot to give Dash two, only to have Woods hit a ridiculous springboard elbow (who was less than a foot from the opposite rope) for two on Scott. Revival makes a blind tag and breaks up the Midnight Hour, only to have Woods dive right into the Shatter Machine for the pin at 7:56.
Rating: B-. The last two weeks have been EXACTLY how Revival should have been debuted. Revival has beaten an all time great team twice in a row and it’s not like New Day is going to lose anything as a result. They’ve been bulletproof for a long time now so putting Revival over like this isn’t going to cause them any harm.
Neville isn’t worried about facing Austin Aries again when TJ Perkins comes up. TJ threatens to make Neville eat his words but Neville calls him a joke. Perkins won the Cruiserweight Classic but once 205 Live debuted, TJ’s career has gone nowhere. Now all of TJ’s opportunities are being taken by people like Aries. The only person with any respect for Perkins is Neville, which seems to get TJ’s attention. Cue Aries to say he’s earned all these opportunities but TJ doesn’t seem to buy it.
Curt Hawkins is here to call himself the biggest acquisition since the Louisiana Purchase. This brings out Big Show to knock him out with one punch. For some reason this makes Cole speculate that Big Show is going to Smackdown.
Austin Aries vs. TJ Perkins
Aries’ title shot will officially come at Payback. Neville is on commentary and Cole asks if he can play journalist for a minute. Neville: “Nope.” Perkins takes Aries down with a headscissors but stops to check his hair and dab a bit. They run the ropes with Aries cartwheeling away and catching Perkins with a basement dropkick.
That earns Aries a quick rest on top and some mocking of Perkins’ taunting. TJ misses his pendulum dropkick and gets taken down by a neckbreaker across the middle rope. Aries dives off the top and that’s too much for Neville, who comes down the ramp for a staredown. The distraction lets Perkins grab a small package for the pin at 3:36.
Rating: C. This has me interested as Aries vs. Neville II sounds good but Perkins is one of the only names that could hang on their level if he’s on top of his game. If nothing else it could mean Perkins turning heel, which he should have done about six months ago. Good enough match here but the angle is more important.
Aries stares Neville down but Perkins comes in and gives Aries the Detonation Kick, seemingly turning full heel.
Here’s Seth Rollins for a chat. He didn’t know if he would ever be in this ring again because he gave everything he had to get ready for Wrestlemania. Last week he woke up after a war with HHH and his knee had never been in so much pain. All he knew was that he had never felt so good because at Wrestlemania, he slayed the King.
There are a lot of things Rollins wants to do around here (“The name Samoa Joe comes to mind.”), including wanting to get his hands on the Universal Title. However, something happened at Wrestlemania that might prevent it from happening. We see a clip of Stephanie being knocked through a table, which means she’ll be out for a while. Then she’ll be back though and Rollins becomes public enemy #1. Therefore, it’s probably easier for him to go to Smackdown. That’s not what’s going to happen though as Seth took the easy way out once and he’s not doing it again.
Cue Angle to say that yes, Stephanie made it clear she wants him gone. Angle watched Wrestlemania though and saw Seth win a fight on one leg. Stephanie’s opinion aside, as long as Angle is in charge, Seth has a home here on Raw. Angle goes to leave but Samoa Joe comes in for the fight. Rollins superkicks him to the floor though and Joe bails.
Kevin Owens doesn’t care about the Superstar Shakeup because he’ll be on top of either brand. He says go find Chris Jericho and ask him about the Shakeup because he’d love to go to Smackdown and find some success. Owens is the top champion on Raw and doesn’t want to hear about Dean Ambrose.
Charlotte vs. Nia Jax
Nia runs her over to start and scores with a shoulder breaker to really take over. Some elbows to the back have Charlotte reeling and it’s off to a chinlock. The fans look at something in the crowd as Nia throws Charlotte down but some shots to the ribs give Charlotte an opening. A chop block sets up Natural Selection for two and Nia goes shoulder first into the post. Charlotte hits the moonsault to the floor with her boot hitting Nia square in the head. Nia barely makes it back inside and the Figure Four is easily blocked. A Samoan Drop crushes Charlotte for the pin at 5:58.
Rating: C. This was sloppy at times but it completely got the point across. Nia looks like a much bigger deal now as beating Charlotte is still a huge accomplishment with only a handful of people being able to do it on occasion. Jax still needs experience but once she gets that under her belt, she’s going to be something very special.
Video on Finn Balor.
Jinder Mahal vs. Finn Balor
Balor starts fast with some kicks until Mahal blasts him with a forearm to the jaw. Not that it matters as he kicks Mahal in the head and scores with the Sling Blade. The running corner dropkick sets up the Coup de Grace to put Jinder away at 2:48.
With Balor still in the ring, Bray Wyatt pops up on screen to say he’s here on Raw. In three weeks, the entire world will be able to see him torture Randy Orton at Payback in a House of Horrors match. On the other hand, Balor needs to watch himself because Bray will be watching him.
We look back at the opening sequence.
Apollo Crews, Kalisto, Heath Slater and Rhyno are all coming to Raw.
The Miz vs. Sami Zayn
Sami does his springboard leapfrog to set up the armdrags, followed by a clothesline to send Miz outside. Miz hides behind Maryse to prevent the dive though and we take a break. Back with Sami fighting out of a chinlock but getting caught in a DDT for two. Miz does the YES Kicks but Sami reverses into the Blue Thunder Bomb for its traditional near fall. Maryse makes the save by pulling Miz away from the Helluve Kick but Sami grabs a rollup for the pin at 7:39.
Rating: C+. Not bad here and it’s always nice to see Sami get a win like this. I’d still like to see Sami head over to Smackdown and now he might even go over with some fresh momentum. At the moment, Smackdown is running very low on talent so hopefully someone goes over to the blue show to balance things out a bit.
In the back, Michael Cole has a sitdown interview with Roman Reigns. Roman says the win over Undertaker was the biggest win of his career but it was bittersweet. He’s had great guidance but he’s not sure how you retire someone you respect so much. Braun Strowman comes in and the fight is on with Reigns being destroyed.
Reigns gets powerlsammed onto an anvil case and Braun crushes him by wheeling another case into Reigns’ head. Fans: “THANK YOU STROWMAN!” Reigns is taken out on a stretcher. Fans: “YOU DESERVE IT!” Strowman shoves the stretcher down a flight of stairs, drawing the pop of the night. Reigns is wheeled into the ambulance. Braun: “I’M NOT THROUGH WITH YOU YET BOY!” Strowman beats him up even more and TURNS THE AMBULANCE OVER with Reigns inside.
Post break Reigns is loaded into a new ambulance, which unfortunately isn’t being driven by Strowman.
Hardys/Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Shining Stars/Anderson and Gallows
Before the bell, Elias Samson wanders out onto the stage, sending Graves through the roof due to his long standing hatred of all things Samson. Anderson gets taken down to start with Sheamus dropping a knee. Back from a break with Cesaro in trouble and Sheamus having to make a save. That earns him a Backstabber from Prim but allows Cesaro to dive over for the hot tag to Matt. Everything breaks down and Gallows breaks up a Side Effect. Sheamus and Cesaro send Anderson and Gallows to the floor, leaving Jeff to hit a Poetry in Motion flip dive onto the floor. Back inside, Primo takes the Twist and Swanton for the pin at 7:48.
Rating: C-. This match had no chance of following the Strowman and Reigns segment and I think everyone knew it. The Hardys are still a great nostalgia act but if they’re just Matt and Jeff, I’m not sure how long they’re going to be able to last at this level. Then again, I’m not sure how long they’re supposed to last.
The winners pose for a good while.
Dana Brooke is reading “How to Be Your Own Protege” when Emma comes in. She seems to think Dana still works for her but Dana says that was last year and things have changed.
Here’s Sasha Banks to introduce Bayley for a chat. Bayley thanks everyone for their support because she’s still the same 12 year old girl that loved this so much. Sasha congratulates Bayley for her win but now she wants a title shot of her own. Cue Alexa Bliss to say the two of them are nauseating.
She’s the two time Smackdown Women’s Champion and now wants to add the Raw Women’s Title. This brings out Mickie James to say Bayley’s nightmare is just beginning. Before she can go any further, here’s Nia Jax to run her over. Bliss pushes Banks into Nia, who sends her outside. Bayley gets planted with the Samoan drop and Nia says the title is hers.
Reigns has cracked ribs, internal injuries and a possible separated shoulder.
Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens
Non-title. An early Dirty Deeds attempt sends Owens bailing to the floor but Dean whips him into the barricade. Dean scores with a dive and we take a break. Back with Dean caught in a chinlock. Owens: “I could do this all night baby!” Dean fights up and gets sent outside in a crash, followed by a ram into the post. Back in and Ambrose gets in a good shot to knock Owens outside, setting up a suicide dive.
That’s not enough for Dirty Deeds though but Owens misses a Cannonball. Dean clotheslines him down but Kevin bails outside. That’s fine with Dean, who hits the top rope elbow. Back in and Owens hits the package piledriver slam for two as the fans want Jericho. The Pop Up Powerbomb is countered but Owens escapes Dirty Deeds as well. A superkick blocks the rebound lariat but Dean rolls through into Dirty Deeds for the clean pin at 14:15.
Rating: B. Lack of caring from the crowd aside (yeah fans aren’t that interested in a match with nothing on the line after a three and a half hour taping and no story in sight), this was a good back and forth fight between two people with underrated chemistry. I liked it more than I was expecting to but it was missing something to take it to the next level.
Post match Chris Jericho comes out to hit Owens with a Codebreaker to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling was much better than usual here and they added some big names to the Raw roster, which should really freshen things up a lot. They still need to get rid of some of the excess names because the roster is rather bloated (getting rid of the Cruiserweights would be a good place to start) and I’m sure five or six names will be heading to Smackdown otherwise. Good show here as they kept the energy up, complete with some hilariously unintentional comedy (I think?) with Strowman vs. Reigns.
Results
Revival b. New Day – Shatter Machine to Woods
TJ Perkins b. Austin Aries – Small package
Nia Jax b. Charlotte – Samoan Drop
Finn Balor b. Jinder Mahal – Coup de Grace
Sami Zayn b. The Miz – Rollup
Hardys/Sheamus/Cesaro b. Anderson and Gallows/Shining Stars – Swanton Bomb to Primo
Dean Ambrose b. Kevin Owens – Codebreaker
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
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Monday Night Raw – April 3, 2017: HEY WE WANT……PRETTY MUCH ALL OF THIS!
Monday Night Raw Date: April 3, 2017
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
IT’S CRAZY NIGHT! This show has a reputation for being the most over the top and often completely ridiculous show with the crowd making the night all about them. It’s hard to say what we might see on here but odds are it’s going to be some debuts and other major announcements, as is often the case on this show. Let’s get to it.
I was in the arena for this show, sitting in the upper deck and looking almost straight at the screen with the hard cameras on my left. On a personal note, while I was getting food before the show, for the first time ever, a fan recognized me. I’m not sure who you were but thank you very much as that made my night.
The opening video looks at the end of Wrestlemania with Roman Reigns outlasting Undertaker and spearing him over and over for Undertaker’s second loss at Wrestlemania. This seemed to signal Undertaker’s retirement after the match, marking the end of a nearly four DECADE career in WWE.
We open with the fans chanting for Undertaker and not letting up on it, which is the only way this should go. Some ROMAN SUCKS chants start up and slowly get louder than the pro-Undertaker crowd. Here’s Roman, which is the best way they can possibly start something like this. Cole says last night might have been the last ride for Undertaker and calls him the greatest performer ever in WWE. I know he just retired but that’s some strong hyperbole.
The chants start up as soon as the music stops with DELETE, F*** YOU ROMAN, DELETE, YOU SUCK, A**HOLE, RO-MAN SUCKS, DELETE, SHUT THE F*** UP and GO AWAY. Reigns finally gets in five words with “This is my yard now” before dropping the mic and walking out after nearly eight minutes on screen. This was MASTERFUL with Reigns cashing in on all the hatred the fans have for him after he destroyed one of their heroes. It’s not clear if this was a heel turn but if it’s not, they’re actually dumber than I thought.
The announcers do their standard “yeah it’s weird but WE TOTALLY LOVE IT!” spiel.
Ad for Wrestlemania XXXIV in New Orleans. This probably aired seven times in two days with people getting sick of it by the end.
Tag Team Titles: Anderson and Gallows vs. Hardy Boyz
Matt and Jeff are defending and this is one of the best things they could put on so early. The fans are going to cheer for the Hardys all night so let them get it out of their system here instead of giving them the focus all night. Anderson and Jeff start things off with the champs quickly shifting to Matt, who gets two off the Side Effect. It’s WAY too early for the Twist of Fate so the champs settle for sending the bald guys to the floor as we take a break.
Back with Matt in trouble and the second WELCOME BACK chant of the match. I think we know they’re back by this point. Now it’s the F*** THAT OWL chant and I’m really not liking these fans turning a PG show into something this vulgar. Yeah I know there’s the whole “I bought a ticket and I can say what I want” defense but what would your response be to someone going to a Disney movie and then loudly swearing the whole time?
Anderson holds Matt open for a kick to the ribs but Matt gets over for the hot tag, triggering the DELETE chants. A basement dropkick and splash of all things gets two but Gallows crotches Jeff on the top. The Boot of Doom gets two (with Cole spoiling the kickout by saying we’re going to have new champions) but Matt breaks up the Magic Killer. The Twist of Fate into the Swanton retains the titles at 10:38.
Rating: C. Nothing all that special here but this was the absolute right call. Let Matt and Jeff go out there, soak in the cheers, and get them a clean win in a TV match. Speaking of wins, do you know when was the last time the Hardys lost a non-ladder two on two tag match? As best I can tell, it would be the WrestleCon Supershow in 2015, or over two years ago. That’s an INCREDIBLE winning streak in modern wrestling and could go on for several more months.
Stills of HHH vs. Seth Rollins.
Here’s Neville to basically say “HAHA I TOLD YOU SO!” There’s going to be a full celebration tomorrow night on 205 Live….but here’s Mustafa Ali to interrupt.
Mustafa Ali vs. Neville
Non-title. A quick hurricanrana puts Neville down and a kick to the head puts him on the floor. Naturally that means a big dive, only to have Neville toss him into the air for a big crash down to the mat. Back from a break with the fans chanting for the beach balls, which were ALL OVER the arena at this point. There were at least ten going around at various points, which is why a headlock on the mat is getting the loudest reaction in history.
Neville stops to glare at the crowd but Ali kicks him in the face during the distraction. The rolling neckbreaker gives Ali two as the fans are chanting BEACH BALL MANIA. Graves tries to keep the focus on the match, saying the crowd is just going to make Neville even angrier. The fans boo when a security guard takes one away, which is just a second before Neville hits a hard clothesline.
With the frustration growing, Cole actually explains the BEACH BALL MANIA concept. In an attempt to get the fans watching what they actually paid for, Ali grabs a top rope Spanish Fly to put both guys down. Fans: “HEY! WE WANT SOME BEACH BALL!” Ali hits a superkick and a reverse hurricanrana, followed by a hard tornado DDT for two. The inverted 450 misses and Neville goes up, looks at the crowd, and jumps down for the Rings of Saturn and the submission instead at 10:31.
Rating: B. This is a great example of why I can’t stand this crowd. I paid to watch wrestling and of course all the beach balls flying around are going to be a distraction. Having fun is one thing but taking over the show with something that has NOTHING to do with what you’re watching is something else. If you’re that bored, go spend your money on something else.
The match was great stuff though with Ali continuing to show just how awesome he can be. Give him a bit of a character upgrade and he’ll be a future champion. I really liked Neville here too as instead of ignoring the beach ball nonsense, he tied it into his character who was tired of being disrespected. It’s very tiresome to watch a match when something big is going on and the wrestlers have to ignore it. Tie it into the match so things can seem a bit more real.
Vince arrives. You had to know that was going to happen.
Here’s Vince for the start of the second hour. Naturally the fans sing his song, drawing a big grin from the boss. A ROMAN SUCKS chant starts up but Vince talks over it (and it goes away), thanking the fans for being so passionate. Wrestlemania may be over but next week we’re having a Superstar Shake Up because it’s time to shake things up. We have some very sad footage from last night, which shows Stephanie going through a table.
That’s going to put Stephanie out for awhile and since we have no General Manager, it’s time to hire someone new. The new GM was inducted into the Hall of Fame over the weekend….and here’s Teddy Long. Teddy starts dancing until Vince shouts that it’s not him. Vince: “TEDDY STOP DANCING!” It’s not you!” Teddy: “It’s not me?” Vince: “It’s not you!” Teddy: “Well….my bad! Holla holla holla!” It’s Kurt Angle of course and that’s as good of an option as they really had. Angle hits the catchphrase and is already out.
Stills of Kevin Owens beating Chris Jericho for the US Title.
Here’s New Day, still with no New Day Pops for purchase. Kofi and Xavier do have what appear to be ice cream cone shoulder pads though. Woods issues an open challenge and CUE TOP GUYS!
New Day vs. Revival
Oh you know they’re getting the pop of the night on this show. Dawson SHOVES THE CART OVER so you know it’s serious. Woods and Dawson start things off as the beach balls are completely forgotten. Revival starts in on Xavier’s arm with Dawson getting in a nasty looking crank. Graves: “That won’t separate your shoulder. It’ll divorce it!” The arm work continues after the break but Woods sneaks over and gets in the tag to Big E. Suplexes abound as everything breaks down. Big E. is sent outside, leaving Woods to try the Honor Roll….right into a Shatter Machine for the pin at 8:04.
Rating: C+. Now that’s more like it! This was the debut that the fans wanted to see and Revival got the clean pin over the biggest team WWE has produced in at least ten years. They did it in classic Revival style and it was as entertaining as it could have been given the short time frame. Woods even took the fall, which is pretty much his only in-ring role. It’s also nice to have something actually happen on this show.
Post match Revival takes out Kofi’s ankle.
Angle is getting his office ready (with a box of gold medals) when Enzo and Big Cass come in. Enzo: “And you can’t teach that!” Angle: “Not in any college I’ve ever heard of.” Enzo on Big Cass being tall: “And you can’t teach that!” Angle looks up: “You sure can’t!” Enzo: “How you doin?” Angle: “I’m doing great! I was just inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame and now I’m the new General Manager of Monday Night Raw. How are you guys doing?”
Not too well apparently because they want a title shot. Enzo also wants to know why Goofy is treated like a human and Pluto is treated like a dog. Angle: “I have no idea what you’re talking about right now.” As for their title issues, Kurt gives them a #1 contenders match against Sheamus/Cesaro tonight so Cass promises to prove the two of them are S-A-W-F-T. Enzo and Cass leave as Angle realizes that’s not how you spell soft. This was HILARIOUS and one of the first things I wanted to see when Angle was announced as the new GM.
Bayley/Sasha Banks/Dana Brooke vs. Nia Jax/Charlotte/Emma
Yes Emma instead of Emmalina. Emma does her pose on the announcers’ table and is all fired up with Graves suddenly being a huge fan. Charlotte and Dana start things off but Emma tags herself in. A low dropkick puts Dana down and it’s off to Bayley for a showdown. The announcers keep talking about how Emma doesn’t know who she is but thankfully shift over to her new found aggression. Bayley takes her down and rolls around Emma’s back as we take a break.
Back with Bayley in trouble as the announcers talk about Nia being unstoppable at Wrestlemania. You know, until she was stopped. Bayley gets caught in the Tree of Woe for some choking but she’s able to send Charlotte to the floor. The hot tag brings in Sasha for the house cleaning, including the double knees in the corner for two on Charlotte. Everything breaks down and Bayley dives on Nia, leaving Sasha to grab the Bank Statement to make Charlotte tap at 9:14.
Rating: C-. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was Charlotte’s last match before being shipped over the Smackdown. There’s nothing else for her to do on Raw and it would make Bayley look more like a conquering hero. Charlotte has dominated the roster for so long that she needs some fresh challenges and Smackdown would be just the place.
Post match Charlotte yells at Nia and is promptly laid out in what feels like a face turn for Jax. Emma gets stared down and immediately bails in a smart move.
Sami Zayn is in Angle’s office and talks about wanting to cultivate a relationship with him like the one Sami had with Foley. Angle says Zayn demonstrates the three I’s and thinks he’ll be fine. Jinder Mahal comes in to complain about the battle royal. Kurt gets tired of the arguing and puts them in a match tonight.
Here are Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar for a chat. Brock is a little happier than normal tonight and has allowed Heyman to tell us a bedtime story that both of their children hear. There once was a superhero named Goldberg who stood for honor and valor and all that good stuff. Then he took the Universal Title but went on a little side trip through south central Suplex City where the Beast beat him up and took his title. The happy ending: there’s no more Goldberg around here ever again. Fans: “THANK YOU BROCK!”
That means Brock needs new challengers. Fans: “FINN! FINN! FINN!” Heyman suggests Seth Rollins, either Hardys or even both Hardys but let’s talk about the 2 in 23-2. Yes he means Roman Reigns and history says that these two must meet. If Reigns is the big dog then Lesnar is animal cruelty. Heyman wants to do it tonight but here’s Braun Strowman instead to not much of a reaction (not that surprising). Strowman wants Lesnar’s attention because Brock already has his. Lesnar lays the title down in front of Strowman and says bring it but Strowman leaves instead.
So that happened. I know we’re getting Lesnar vs. Reigns in New Orleans whether we like it or not but I really, REALLY hope they don’t announce it in advance as it makes everything until then seem like a waste of time. Let the story get there on its own and things will likely be a lot better. As far as Strowman…..in theory he’s next for Reigns but I don’t see how you have Strowman lose to Reigns to set up Strowman vs. Lesnar, nor do I see how you have Reigns lose to Strowman for any reason at all.
Chris Jericho is confirmed to have a rematch with Kevin Owens at Payback. As for tonight though, he loves this raucous crowd and BEACH BALL MANIA IS RUNNING WILD BABY! These people are the friends of Jericho, los amigos de Jericho or the mates of Jericho. CHEER HIM ON MAN! Tonight he’s starting his revenge against Kevin Owens and he’ll stat with the tip of Owens’ finger. Last night the tip of Owens’ finger saved him and do you know what that means? THE TIP OF OWENS’ FINGER JUST MADE THE LIST!
Cue Owens and Samoa Joe to beat Jericho down and put him through a table. I’m sure this won’t result in Jericho being pulled out of tonight’s tag team match (Rollins/Jericho vs. Owens/Joe). Even if it does, that’s totally different than last year’s post-Wrestlemania Raw where Owens powerbombed Sami through a table to take him out of the main event. See, that took Sami out of a four way and this year is a tag match. Totally different story.
Jericho is out of the main event but Angle promises to find Rollins a new tag partner. Just start the FINN chants now.
Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro
The winners get the Hardys, presumably at Payback. Enzo is in Orlando Magic themed gear and gets an early two on Cesaro. Now we get the catchy chant of the night with “SHEAMUS AND CESARO! HEY HEY HEY!” I couldn’t make it out from the stands (I heard “SHEAMUS IS AWESOME”) but Cesaro chants it for a bit as well. Cass avoids a charge in the corner but gets the back of his neck snapped across the top rope.
Cesaro tries to come in for a save so Cass launches Enzo at him instead. It works so well that he launches him at both of them again, sending us to a break. Back with Enzo getting thrown around as the Sheamus and Cesaro chants continue. Cass gets dropkicked through the ropes and it’s time for Enzo to go swinging. The Sharpshooter is broken up though and it’s time for the Bada Boom Shaka Lacka, only to have a Brogue Kick drop Cass. Sheamus launches Enzo into an uppercut from Cesaro for the pin and the title shot at 9:47.
Rating: D+. Cesaro and Sheamus have grown on me in recent weeks and a lot of that is just getting away from the Best of Seven series and the annoyance of what they were forcing us to sit through. They’re actually a decent power team and this was the right call as putting the Hardys vs. Enzo and Cass would pretty easily make Enzo and Cass the heels, which is the last thing you want to do before they win the titles for the first time.
We see some Tweets from wrestlers on Undertaker’s retirement.
Sami Zayn vs. Jinder Mahal
Jinder jumps him before the bell and the referee actually bothers to ask if Sami can go. Mahal takes him down for a kneedrop and grabs an early chinlock as the OLE’s start up in a hurry. Sami fights up, hits the exploder into the corner and finishes with the Helluva Kick at 2:21.
Samoa Joe/Kevin Owens vs. Seth Rollins/???
You know it’s going to be Finn Balor, I know it’s going to be Finn Balor and the crowd knows it’s going to be Finn Balor, all of which I type during the entrances, capped of by……hey look it’s Finn Balor. Other than maybe Nakamura, this was the only realistic option they had and it’s the right call. Thankfully the commentators are smart enough to keep quiet until Balor has been able to get in four poses.
Rollins and Owens start things off with Kevin ducking a low superkick for a standoff, meaning it’s off to Joe for a slugout with Seth. A quick trip to the corner is enough for the hot tag to Balor as the NXT chants start up. The fact that four former NXT Champions (and three former WWE World Champions) are main eventing this show is an amazing sign. Owens bails from the threat of a double team but gets taken down by a suicide dive.
That’s not enough for Seth as he hits a big flip dive onto both villains, only to bang up the knee and get caught by a DDT back inside. The STUPID IDIOT chants start (I would have expected them earlier) as Owens grabs a chinlock. It’s back to Joe to crush the knee again as those gold tights are making me think of Savage’s bad knee at Wrestlemania VIII.
Joe misses a backsplash though and Rollins enziguris his way into a hot tag to Balor. Chops and kicks a go-go ensue but Owens catches him in something like a swinging White Noise for two. Rollins breaks up the Koquina Clutch and the running dropkick into the corner sets up the Coup de Grace to put Owens away at 12:12.
Rating: B-. Standard main event tag in front of a hot crowd. This did exactly what it needed to do as I’d assume Balor will get the shot at Owens if Jericho is off touring. You could put the title on Balor without much of an issue as Jericho vs. Owens II is about revenge instead of the title anyway. Joe vs. Rollins should be a lot of fun too.
Rollins and Balor pose to end the show, apparently burying the hatchet over Balor’s wrecked shoulder.
Overall Rating: B+. First and foremost, this show is NOT about the wrestling and it never has been. This show is about moving things forward and surviving an insane crowd. The opening half hour was almost perfect with the Reigns stuff being as great as it could have been and the Hardys fired up the crowd even more, if that was possible. The Angle announcement and Revival debut were both very strong, as was Balor returning at the end.
All in all, the surprises worked very well, even though we knew most of them in advance. Almost nothing on here was a major surprise but that’s not exactly a bad thing. WWE hit almost all of the big ideas on the checklist and gave us a really fun show. Nothing on here was really bad, Reigns was confined to the opening twelve minutes and Angle meeting Enzo and Cass certainly didn’t disappoint.
The big problem though was the announcement of the Superstar Shakeup. Basically that said “none of this matters so we’ll just wait for the important stuff next week.” That kept hanging in my mind all night and while it didn’t kill the show, it did hold things back a good bit. Raw was a lot of fun this week though and that’s what matters here.
Results
Hardys b. Anderson and Gallows – Swanton Bomb to Gallows
Neville b. Mustafa Ali – Rings of Saturn
Revival b. New Day – Shatter Machine to Woods
Bayley/Sasha Banks/Dana Brooke b. Nia Jax/Charlotte/Emma – Bank Statement to Charlotte
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Enzo Amore and Big Cass – Uppercut to Amore
Sami Zayn b. Jinder Mahal – Helluva Kick
Finn Balor/Seth Rollins b. Samoa Joe/Kevin Owens – Coup de Grace to Owens
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
1. This wasn’t the most interesting show. The big reveal of Balor at the end was hardly a surprise, though that’s just going to happen every now and then. Other than that we had Reigns’ promo (which only kind of felt like a heel turn as WWE still won’t go full speed ahead with anything he does), the Revival (again not really a surprise) and Angle as GM (not really a surprise, though Teddy Long’s R-Truth style cameo was hilarious).
2. Reigns reached a new level of booing tonight. I’ve never seen such loathing.
3. The THANK YOU TAKER opening was rather touching.
4. As is always the case on here, the wrestling meant nothing, though it’s not supposed to.
5. Uh….oh yeah there’s the Draft (or whatever it is), which is going to change everything. That kind of makes tonight’s show worthless, which isn’t the best possible idea. Make the announced next week and do the Draft in two weeks, or after Payback. It’s not like it’s doing you much good by announcing it tonight.
6. Overall, the show was entertaining, but it’s kind of collapsing under its own reputation. If you don’t have 134 different stories and angles and surprises, it feels underwhelming. It was good, though there’s only so much you can do when your surprises aren’t really surprises.
7. Oh and the beach balls. SCREW OFF WITH THOSE THINGS ALREADY! During the Neville match, there were probably close to 25 of them being batted around in the span of five minutes. It’s really, REALLY distracting for someone trying to watch the match (much like the Wave in the main event) but then again this crowd, which claims to be a bunch of wrestling fans, would rather entertain themselves because apparently WWE doesn’t do it for them.
8. Could anyone make out what they were chanting during Sheamus/Cesaro’s match? I never could get it.