Monday Nitro #227
Date: February 14, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 8,160
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

It’s SuperBrawl week and you can see most of the card at this point. If you hurry, you can still cover your eyes before your face melts like the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The big stories tonight are Hogan vs. Flair and Luger vs. Funk as they mix up the big matches before Sunday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the recent events. That’s one of the best ideas they could have had as it’s so difficult to keep awake during the shows these days.

The opening sequence cuts Madden off. I like it more already.

We get a second recap. As usual, it’s overkill around here.

Here’s the NWO, which is now Jarrett, the Twins and the girls of the week. The girls are sent away and this is already less interesting. They remind us that it’s six days until SuperBrawl (old school tactic of making sure you know how long before the show instead of just saying “at this show”. I like the old way better) before Jeff goes into his “they’re all against me” speech. Jarrett is the natural born champion and is going to be leaving San Francisco with the title.

Nash comes on the screen and says the only stroke Jarrett has is in his single wide back in Nashville. Jarrett cuts him off and threatens to break David Penzer’s neck if they don’t cut Nash’s feed off. This makes Nash serious and there goes the feed. Jeff says the acting commissioner (he was stripped of that last week) is winning on Sunday but here’s Nash in a wheelchair (Madden: “He’s not an outsider. He’s an Ironsider!”) to interrupt.

Nash may have had to have his foot rebuilt (so that’s why he’s out) but it still fits in Jarrett’s censored. Since Jarrett didn’t beat Hall last week, it’s going to be a three way at SuperBrawl. Jeff can get Sid tonight, non-title. So the WWF was stealing the idea of having the regular triple threat Wrestlemania main event on Raw before adding one more person at the big show? No wonder that show was horrible. If Jeff needs Nash, he’ll be in the back playing with his nurses.

The announcers run down a pretty stacked card.

Luger, Liz and Flair arrive together. Flair is WAY too excited to be in New York. Lex’s San Antonio Spurs shirt is a nice cheap heat device.

Norman doesn’t like 2XS’ clothes but Lane and Idol think the rats will love them.

3 Count is in the ring and talks about how they’ve been getting a lot of entries in their contest for a dream date. It’s time to dance but Norman cuts them off again. He really needs to stop doing that.

Lane/Norman Smiley vs. 3 Count

Handicap match. Norman is wearing an Islanders jersey to keep up his cheap pops and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lane gets jumped as he comes in and Shannon spinwheel kicks Norman to the floor. A moonsault puts him down again, so Lane moonsaults (mostly connecting) onto both of them. Helms and Karagias hit dives of their own, even though they mainly hit their own partners.

Back in and Lana hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Moore as Miss Hancock comes out for commentary, instantly showing more charisma than any woman in this company save for maybe Madusa. She says 2XS never should have gotten rid of her because they don’t know what they’re missing. Helms poses in the ring after a splash but Lana fights out of a double team. Norman gets the tag for the swinging slam on Moore and does the dance but there’s dance music playing in the arena.

Hancock takes her hair down and gets up on the table (with the camera panning up to show her)…..and now let’s watch the match as Tony tells us about her dancing. Finally the director regains his sanity and focuses Hancock with the match in the background before she casually hops down and walks off, leaving Charles Robinson stunned that he misses Evan tapping to the Norman’s Conquest.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but also completely not the point here. This was all about establishing Miss Hancock as the new big thing and it was easy to see why. It’s a very simple formula: take a gorgeous blonde with incredibly long legs and have her dance on a table during an uninteresting match. There isn’t much more to it and there doesn’t need to be.

3 Count performs again. Even Madden is sick of them by this point.

Back from a break and they’re still at it, so here’s Tank Abbott to clean house.

Meng and Big Al “talk” in the back.

Tank Abbott vs. Rick Fuller

33 seconds, Fuller is out cold. If nothing else, we’re told that Al is Abbott’s former bodyguard from UFC.

Earlier today, Abbott talked about being the toughest fighter in UFC. His record was secondary to hurting people and that makes him all the more deadly. This brings him to Big Al, who doesn’t get what Abbott is doing here. Therefore, there needs to be a skins match at SuperBrawl, meaning a leather jacket on a pole match. So Abbott is just fighting a guy named Al who used to be a bodyguard and may or may not be a wrestler. How does this thing actually get a story?

Jeff Jarrett is on the phone and demands that his match is for the title.

Prince Iaukea is ready for his match with Psychosis on Wednesday. “Psychosis, meet Psycho Sexy. I’m going to make you my next hit.” I hate to admit it, but Psycho Sexy is kind of an awesome name.

Vampiro/Kidman vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea/La Parka

You would think Psychosis would be Prince’s partner here. Prince gets double teamed during his entrance and a four way brawl starts us off. We settle down to Vampiro vs. La Parka and it’s an awkward sequence to start as Prince knees Vampiro in the back but Vampiro doesn’t sell it, only to stop in place so La Parka can chop him. Vampiro throws La Parka to the floor and hits a suicide dive, only to have Prince slam him down to take over. Back in and Prince dives into a raised boot but Kidman has to go break up Torrie vs. Paisley. Vampiro tags Kidman in and walks out, leaving Prince to hit the middle rope DDT for the pin.

Rating: C. Nice little match here but again it was designed to be angle advancement instead of a big match. Kidman taking a fall is never a good thing, but at least it’s setting up a match…which we’ve recently seen twice. La Parka was a pretty random partner for Prince but at least it wasn’t the obvious pick.

Nash says the main event will indeed be a title match.

The Mamalukes show up to Vito’s sister’s wedding. Post break, Vito gives his sister the down payment on a house.

Rhonda Singh vs. Mona

Singh comes out to Chris Jericho’s old theme which is probably an unfunny rib. Oklahoma comes out before the bell and gets in a speech about revitalizing the women’s division. Madusa is going to be guest referee for this match as Tony explains the storyline since it’s oh so complex. Singh shoves Mona down to start and hits a running splash in the corner. A chest bump puts Mona down again and Madusa ignores the covers. Mona’s missile dropkick gets two so she tries a sunset flip but Oklahoma grabs the hands. Madusa kicks it away and gets punched down by Singh, who sits on Mona for the pin, counted by Oklahoma.

Post match Singh kisses Oklahoma, which is just so totally funny that I almost need to pause things to catch up on my laughing.

Vito’s family gets on him for spitting too much.

Flair calls Hogan an easy win and brags about his association with Luger and Liz.

Total Package vs. Terry Funk

Funk sneaks up on him during the entrance and throws some weak left handed punches as Madden talks about the Screen Actors’ Guild. They head outside with Luger nailing a clothesline but Funk puts him down and loads up a table. Liz offers a distraction (better than offering a ball bat shot), allowing Luger to slam him through the table. Fans: “ECW! ECW! ECW!” I’d pay so much money to see Luger in ECW. Back in and Luger works on the spine with forearms and a suplex for no cover. A low blow breaks up the Rack and a DDT gets two. Funk’s moonsault hits chair and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. Egads man. These matches are killing shows to a better degree than the Hogan main events of the late 80s could ever hold to do. Funk is trying but there’s a limit to what he can do with someone as interesting as Luger. Neither guy looked like they were trying and that cripples anything they could have done.

The main event is a title match. A US Title match. It’s about time.

Daphne and David Flair crash the reception and destroy a cake.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat vs. Crowbar/David Flair

Mamalukes are defending, after trading the titles with the Harris Twins over in Germany over the weekend. It’s another brawl in the aisle to start but Crowbar kicks Vito square in the belt, which Vito sells for some reason. The champs fight back and four guys brawl in the ring at the same time. Thankfully Big T. is in a singlet to hide his gut but it can only do so much good.

They settle down to Harlem Heat working over Vito in the corner. We waste time as Madden talks about growing up with Harlem Heat in New York until Vito kicks T. down to take over. It’s quickly off to Stevie vs. Crowbar as this match is all over the place yet still uninspiring stuff. Vito breaks up a cover on Crowbar off Stevie’s Slapjack but David hits Stevie with the crowbar to give Vito the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. How do you have a triple threat tag match and make it this boring? Other than 2XS, is this the entire division? Now I’m supposed to want to watch Flair/Crowbar vs. the Mamalukes on Sunday? Or Booker vs. Big T. again for the rights to Harlem Heat? There are some good things on this show and this really isn’t one of them.

The Mamalukes get beaten up some more post match, including weapons shots from the crazy guys. More time is spent on a stretcher job and the wedding (which is taking place at the arena…..why?) freaks out.

Kanyon thinks Hollywood is a lot more awesome than New York, and he knows that Dustin Rhodes is a horrible actor.

Vito gets off the stretcher and yells a lot.

Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

Bigelow is defending. Wall throws in a ladder at the bell but the champ weapons him down, only to miss the top rope headbutt. It’s table time but Bigelow kicks it into Wall’s face, knocking Wall down like a ton of bricks. Back in and Wall whacks Bigelow in the head with some trashcan lids but takes way too long to go to the middle rope. Wall is sent through the table and Greetings From Asbury Park retains Bigelow’s title.

Rating: D. You know all the hardcore matches we’ve seen in recent weeks? This one had Bam Bam Bigelow and the Wall.

Knobbs comes in for a beatdown on Bigelow to give him an advantage on Sunday. Wall gets back up and chokeslams Bigelow. That’s quite the champion.

The Mamalukes want an Italian stretcher match against Flair and Crowbar on Sunday.

The Nitro Girls do a Valentine’s Day routine.

Kanyon vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin breaks up Kanyon’s entrance to continue a running trend tonight. They head outside with Kanyon chasing the referee around, only to eat a bulldog back inside. Shattered Dreams and a Boss Man Slam are enough for the pin on Kanyon in roughly a minute. That’s Kanyon’s last match on TV for over two months.

Hogan threatens to bury Luger if he tries to interfere tonight.

Gene talks to “Booker T.”, who likes the Leave it to Beaver music because it keeps him motivated.

Booker vs. The Demon

Midnight is gone and probably isn’t coming back. Spin kick, ax kick, 110^th Street Slam and Demon keeps losing. Madden says that’s the first time we’ve seen Demon taken apart because he doesn’t pay attention. Or maybe he’s just stupid.

Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

This is billed as a big match in New York. The fans chant for Hogan as he easily shoves Flair out of the corner. This is going to be 1994 all over again isn’t it? Some shoulders put Flair on the floor and it’s time for a breather. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect here and a clothesline puts Flair on the floor again. Hogan slugs away even more on the outside but Flair hits him low and starts in on the knee. Flair gets a quick and bad looking Figure Four but Hogan turns it over for the break.

Ric gets slammed off the top but the knee goes out again to keep Flair in it. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect for the second time in this match and it’s mini Hulk Up time. The Flair Flip sets up a suplex so Ric begs off. Hulk slugs away even more but eats a foreign object to the face. Hart takes the same and now it’s full Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects but Luger comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. I can’t give Hogan vs. Flair doing the classics a horrible grade. I know it wasn’t a very good match but how do you not enjoy this just for nostalgia alone? It’s kind of amazing that they really did just do the same thing they’ve done so many times and expect people to care about it but that’s WCW for you.

Funk comes in for a failed save but don’t worry, because Hogan can fight off the greatest odds in the history of great odds. Hogan poses but Luger comes back out with the ball bat to knock Hogan in the head. Now it’s Hogan’s turn to get Pillmanized.

Sid thinks Jarrett having to defend the title is hilarious.

Here’s Ernest Miller because this show can’t just end. James Brown is here and never mind because here’s Maestro to say that he and his piano are the stars of the show. A fight starts in the aisle and never mind because the production team isn’t interested enough to let us watch it.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Jarrett is defending. Sid punches him down to start a few times before firing even more punches in the corner. I guess the fact that Jarrett is actually defending has screwed him up so much that he can’t remember the rest of his offense. They head outside with Sid bashing him in the head with a water bottle, which seems to wake Jeff up as he hammers away back inside.

A sleeper has Sid in trouble but he keeps one arm up to stay alive. Back up and Jeff dives into a low blow, followed by a big boot with Jarrett falling before any contact was made. The chokeslam looks to set up the powerbomb but we get a ref bump, allowing Jarrett to hit Sid with the belt for two because NO OLD PERSON WILL EVER GET PINNED. Jeff Strokes the referee but Sid breaks another one up and puts on the Crossface, drawing in the Harris Twins, allowing Jeff to hit the guitar shot for Mark Johnson to count the pin. Wow an old guy actually laid down, after two people interfered, a belt and guitar shot and a cheating referee.

Rating: F. This was the main event of the show and it took that much to beat Sid? Yeah he’s the World Champion but you could have done the exact same thing with one piece of the interference and, say, a handful of trunks. Jarrett is trying, but Jeff Jarrett in the main event isn’t going to work, especially with someone like Sid.

Overall Rating: F+. The worst part is there’s stuff in this show that has me somewhat interested. WCW has realized there’s a simple solution to getting energy into a segment and make it a lot easier to sit through: put a hot blonde out there. Yeah the opener was bad, but Stacy Keibler was dancing on a table. It’s difficult to not get at least a bit interested when that’s the backdrop. Kidman vs. Vampiro is a good story too, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere.

Then…….well then there’s everything else. You have Ferrara continuing to humiliate the women because that’s all he’s good for and the Tag Team Titles being some of the most boring stuff since the days of Dick Slater and Bunkhouse Buck putting me to sleep back in 1995. We’re about to see the Mamalukes vs. the crazy guys for the fourth time for no particular reason. Add in the fight to sponsor Sesame Street and the midcard is a disaster for the most part.

Finally, and thank goodness for that, there’s the main event scene. Hogan and Flair have the charisma to pull off something like this, but Funk looks like he can barely throw a punch and Luger hasn’t been interesting in years. Therefore, these four are treated as the big attraction while Sid and Jarrett are left to feel like afterthoughts to the other four’s star power. On top of that, Hall was so drunk/high on a flight that he couldn’t get back home from Europe so he wasn’t even here for the show. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be interested in, but they need to find something quick.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #226
Date: February 7, 2000
Location: Tulsa Convention Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Attendance: 6,358
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

We’re two weeks from SuperBrawl and most of the card is coming in clear. Unfortunately that means we can see what’s coming and therefore are all running for the hills before it kills us all. Hogan is back and seems to hate anyone young, Sid has been in back to back Thunder Caged Heat main events and Jeff Jarrett has power because Nash has disappeared. Fun times eh? Let’s get to it.

We open with the recap of last week, with the NWO adding the Harris Twins and then the completely unnecessary Caged Heat match on Thunder. What a great way to open the show.

The NWO has surprises for Sid and Funk. Nash is going to be back soon.

Here’s 3 Count for a performance (things are looking up) but they stop to allow a woman to get in the ring to dance with them. Disaster strikes though as the music messes up and they can’t lip sync. We cut to the production truck to see Norman Smiley screwing with things and now let’s have a match.

Norman Smiley vs. Evan Karagias

Madden is on Evan’s side because the internet marks like Smiley. I’m remembering why I can’t stand him. Evan quickly throws him outside but 3 Count tosses Norman back inside. Is this a mutiny already? Back in and Evan gets suplexed, only to counter the spanking dance into a faceplant. Shannon gets on the apron but Evan is whipped into him because 3 Count isn’t the brightest group of cats in the world. Evan’s rollup is reversed (with the referee stopping halfway through his count because it takes too long) into one from Norman for the fast pin.

Norman wants all three of them at SuperBrawl. You and every other teenage girl in the world Smiley.

Danny Hodge is here. He deserves better.

The announcers run down the card.

J. Biggs has cops search Booker’s bags and confiscate any Harlem Heat gear. This is so, so sad.

Flair and some women arrive.

Here’s the NWO with something to say. Hall won’t say Hey Yo so a Harris insults the crowd for being a bunch of morons. They’re kind of missing the point of having them be muscle. Ron actually calls this the Elite NWO. Steiner one ups that by calling himself the Purple Warrior. I really don’t want to know what that means.

Last week he saw a 53 year old man (meaning Flair, though he’s not quite that old) come out here and brag about how he’s still the man. Flair has a crooked nose and yellow teeth, so why didn’t they bring in the original Nature Boy Buddy Rogers? Steiner thinks it might be because he’s dead. Last week when Flair came down the aisle, everyone changed the channel to watch Stone Cold, a guy that Flair and his boys got fired from here. A lot of Steiner’s insults are censored but WCW SUCKS gets through.

Jarrett brings us back to reality by saying Mark Johnson will be referee during the Sid vs. Jarrett title match. Remember that he’s the referee that was paid off last week. The match will also be No DQ, which is probably the best option. Tonight it’s Hall vs. Sid in a non-title match, which doesn’t seem to please Hall.

So to recap, in the last five days, Hogan has said all the young guys are worthless and Steiner has said the fans change the channel when Flair comes on screen because they’re watching Steve Austin on Raw. These two are both going to be World Champion at some point in the year.

Booker says Biggs and company have taken his colors and music but they’ll never take his dignity. No Booker, I’m pretty sure they have.

David Flair is going to have an I Quit match against Terry Funk tonight and fight one of his dad’s battles for him.

Booker vs. The Wall

There are no flames for Booker’s entrance and he comes out to what sounds like the theme to Leave It To Beaver. Madden gets in a line clever enough that I’m sure he didn’t come up with it himself: Ice T. is now just Ice and Hulk Hogan is now immoral. Booker slugs away and hits a spin kick to start but charges into a boot in the corner.

Wall throws him outside and stomps on Booker as he gets back inside. Booker throws on a sleeper for a few seconds but Wall slams him down and goes up top, only to dive into a kick. There’s the ax kick and a Bookend but here’s J. Biggs to call Booker a criminal. In the distraction a chokeslam ends Booker.

Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying to push someone else. Wall may be a big, mostly talentless lug, but at least he’s someone new. I don’t have any faith in them to not screw up his push and turn it into a big waste, but at least it’s happening. However, the fact that it’s coming as part of this stupid story makes it even worse. But wait. It gets better.

Booker is arrested for assault and battery, reckless endangerment and attempted murder. I’ve sat through a lot of nonsense in WCW, but this is a rare care where it’s hard to watch. This is just so, so stupid.

Knobbs wants Finlay tonight. Jarrett says ok but that it’s Knobbs vs. Bigelow with Finlay as referee. Can we please get some fresh blood in this “division?”

Funk asks Anderson where he stands in the war with Flair. Anderson says he’ll answer after he sees how Funk does against David Flair.

Lane and Idol ask for a title shot again.

Tank Abbott vs. Barbarian

Barbarian is in a leather jacket because he’s a tough monster with a slick fashion sense. They slug each other, Abbott does a kind of slam and a big right hand ends Barbarian in a hurry.

Crowbar plays air guitar in front of Demon’s casket until Daffney calls him away.

Torrie with the KidCam.

Here’s Ed Ferrara, who has been put in charge of starting the women’s division. Those “adorable” women have no place in wrestling though so first up, they’ll all have to go through extensive medical tests, with Ferrara present for all of them. This brings out a Dr. Jeter, who has done procedures on a lot of women, including Madusa. Cue Madusa to kick both of them low. Yet another stupid waste of time.

Terry Taylor has talked to the executive committee. Mark Johnson will not be refereeing at SuperBrawl and tonight’s match is for the title. Speaking of wastes of time, these stipulations were announced less than an hour ago and now they’re changed. Such a great use of TV time.

We get clips from 1989 of Funk vs. Flair in the I Quit match.

David Flair vs. Terry Funk

I Quit. David sends Crowbar and Daffney to the back. Funk asks if David knows what he’s getting into and offers him a chance to go ahead and quit now. David will have nothing to do with that and hits Funk with a few chair shots to start. They head outside and it’s already table time but Terry whips him into the barricade.

Funk pulls back the mats for a piledriver….on the mats. To be fair he is crazy. David still won’t quit so he gets piledriven on the concrete. That gets the same result, followed by a piledriver through the table. A chair to the back knocks David out and Funk quits, but he won’t do the same against Ric. David, out cold, is the winner.

Rating: D+. I’ll give them some points for the violence and for the story they’re going with, but at the same time this is for a feud that started ten years ago and the best idea they’ve got is to just do it again. Total squash of course, but David better take some time off after a beating like that.

In the back, Arn yells at Ric for letting that happen. Ric needs to stop being Ric Flair and to start being David’s father. For once in his life, he’s bowing out, because that made him sick. Anderson is still the best talker in this company right now.

Stevie Ray vs. Disco Inferno

Disco tries to take him into the corner to start but gets slammed down. The announcers are officially calling Booker just Booker now as the Mamalukes and Big T. argue on the floor. Madden: “Didn’t this Biggs guy used to carry a tennis racket?” I’m not sure if that line is funny or not. Disco hits a quick Russian legsweep and the middle rope elbow for two but tries to steal the slapjack, allowing Stevie to hit the Slapjack for the pin. I guess Harlem Heat is coming for the belts again?

Jarrett thinks WCW is trying to rip the NWO apart but Hall laughs it off because the title will stay in the family either way.

Sid doesn’t care who he fights tonight because he’s outsmarted the NWO time after time. That’s one heck of an insult.

Flair rants about Arn being in over his head and leaves.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Knobbs is defending and has a broken wrist thanks to Luger. We see a clip of it being broken and they put January 31 instead of a simple last week. Finlay is guest referee again. Bigelow throws a trashcan at Knobbs to start and the champ is in early trouble. He whips Knobbs into the barricade and steps with Brian unable to use the bad arm to stop the impact. In for the first time with Knobbs hitting a ladder and having it fall on top of him. Knobbs makes a comeback but Finlay hits him with a chair, followed by a fast count to give Bigelow the title. Again, this is probably the most logical story in the promotion at the moment.

Ernest Miller brags about hanging out with James Brown and promises to have Brown on Thunder. Well, Brown kind of fits in with WCW as he’s old, but at least he’s still entertaining.

Steve Borden (yes Steve Borden) will be on the Late Show.

Billy Kidman vs. The Demon

This has to be a test for Kidman to see what kind of miracles he can pull off. Demon’s entrance is hyped up even more than usual here and we cut to the back to see Crowbar having a great time watching it. Demon eats a dropkick to start and tosses Kidman across the ring like he’s nothing. A legdrop and butterfly suplex (but a DEMONIC legdrop and DEMONIC butterfly suplex) get two for Demon but the fans are more interested in Torrie. Kidman’s Bodog gets two and Demon gets the same off a DDT. For some reason Demon goes up top, allowing Kidman to hurricanrana him down for the pin. No miracle but watchable.

Luger comes to the ring, holding a Hogan chair.

Ready To Rumble is coming.

Jarrett tells the NWO they can’t answer the ringing phone.

Here’s Luger to discuss Hogan returning on Thunder. Hogan thinks he’s the best ever but Luger has won every title there is (except the WWF Title. Why not bring that up? They reference the WWF every chance they can) and is the future of professional wrestling. Jimmy Hart is ordered to come out to deliver Hogan a message, but Jimmy refuses.

Luger is just a Hogan wannabe because he’ll never sell as much merchandise or as many tickets as Hogan did. So Luger wants to talk about titles and Hogan’s lackey wants to talk about attendance records? Luger beats Hart up, Racks him and breaks his arm. I guess he’s not over Jimmy leaving him alone at Uncensored 1996. I wouldn’t want to be left alone there either.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall

Sid is defending and it’s already after 10pm so this isn’t going to last long. Vicious punches him down before the toothpick throw, messing up Hall’s mojo. The champ stays hyped with right hands in the corner and a chokeslam less than a minute in but there’s no cover. Hall pops up and slugs away before loading up the fall away slam. In the worst ref bump I’ve ever seen, the referee stands RIGHT BEHIND HALL so Sid is thrown into him, allowing Jarrett to come out. The Outsider’s Edge connects but Jeff guitars Hall, for wanting the pin. Either that or over Royal Rumble 1995 residuals. Sid is dragged on top to retain.

Rating: F. I was tempted to not rate this one as it was barely a match. This was just an angle disguised as a match as the NWO is splitting, assuming you considered Hall part of it in the first place. I’m assuming this sets up a three way at SuperBrawl, which has to be better than just Jarrett vs. Sid.

Overall Rating: D. They’re starting the build towards SuperBrawl and it’s one of the least interesting shows I’ve seen in a long time. The Sid vs. Jarrett feud is horrible and doing nothing to make me want to keep watching. Other than that we have the veterans seemingly shooting on the company and calling it out on all its screwups, despite being the focal points of the whole show. Really lame show this week but at least they seem to have a purpose now.

Monday Nitro #225
Date: January 31, 2000
Location: First Union Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 7,514
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay

We’re officially in the Madden era now, meaning things are clearly dying all around us. The big story here is that Sid is World Champion again after winning it back from Nash after having it stripped earlier in the night after an off air referee’s decision. Also, Ric Flair is back. Let’s get to it.

We get a quick clip of the Nash vs. Sid three day saga from last week.

Nash isn’t going to be here tonight but he’s named Jeff acting commissioner.

Here’s the NWO to get things going complete with their girls. Jeff repeats that Nash isn’t going to be here tonight but he’s in charge. Well done with already changing the power. Steiner rips on the women here in Wilkes-Barre and offers the Harris Brothers a spot on the team. Well you had to expect that would happen. It’s back to Jeff, who says he’s going to get the first shot at Sid at SuperBrawl. Tonight it’s Jeff/the Twins vs. Sid/two partners of his choosing. Jarrett is open to bribes and that’s it. They kept this short and got right to the point so well done.

Sid, Flair and Harlem Heat arrive in order.

Funk asks Arn to go get Flair but Anderson tells him to go find Flair himself.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: Lash Leroux vs. Evan Karagias

Lash makes the mistake of going after 3 Count to start and walks into a powerslam from Evan. The band takes him to the floor and Evan hits a big dive to take them out again. Back in and Lash knocks him off the ropes and does the Bourbon Street Blues (the punches into the splits) but 3 Count makes another save. Evan’s full nelson doesn’t work but Lash comes back with a Diamond Cutter Russian legsweep (Whiplash 2000) for the pin. Really, really dull stuff here.

The NWO sends their bad catering to Sid.

Dustin Rhodes tells us not to try this at home. That’s not something you often hear in WCW.

David, Crowbar and Daffney are insane and Crowbar talks like Gordon Solie. Now this actually sounds insane instead of some of the other modern CRAZY wrestlers. The Mamalukes attack and the match starts fast.

Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. David Flair/Crowbar

They head outside to start with Vito being backdropped onto a bunch of snow. That’s about it for being outside as everyone comes inside with Crowbar carrying a shovel. I’m going out on a limb and guessing this is a street fight. Vito drives a trashcan lid into David’s crotch and the other two come inside.

Cue Ms. Hancock to watch from the aisle as Johnny slams Crowbar a few times. Crowbar fights back with a slingshot legdrop onto a chair onto Johnny’s face. It’s table time but Crowbar, being a bit off, puts the table on top of Johnny instead of the other way around. Disco breaks up a moonsault, allowing Vito to splash Crowbar through the table to retain.

Rating: D. Another ECW style brawl with too many moving parts to have any really stand out. I’m sure we’ll get one more pay per view matches out of these teams, even though they’ve pretty definitively eliminated any chance of the titles changing back. At least Crowbar and Flair are entertaining with how out there they’ve gotten.

Brian Knobbs has a bribe for Jarrett in exchange for putting Finlay in the ring against Luger later. Jeff promises they’ll be in there at the same time.

Here’s Booker T. with something to say but his music stops halfway down the aisle. This brings out J. Biggs who says that music is the property of Harlem Heat, meaning only Stevie Ray and Big T. can listen to it. Instead, Booker can use this song instead. A generic rock song plays and Biggs calls it a meaningless song for a meaningless man.

Now we get to the infamous part of this story: Biggs says that the T, as in of Booker T., is also Harlem Heat property, so Booker can’t use it anymore, or the flames on his attire either. So yes, somehow this feud is over Harlem Heat, which is apparently an entity instead of just a tag team, owning the rights to a letter of the alphabet. Harlem Heat leaves and Midnight shows up to go after Biggs, but Harlem Heat comes back out for the save. We’re officially in one of the dumbest stories WCW ever did and you know how much ground that covers.

3 Count beats up Norman Smiley.

Jarrett tells Finlay that he’ll be in the same ring as Luger, as he referees a match between the Total Package and Brian Knobbs.

Norman gets inside the Demon’s casket and the lid closes. Instead of fighting for the US Title, he’s inside a coffin to help him fight off a boy band.

Kidman vs. The Wall

Rematch of that Cell match they had a few weeks back. Kidman slugs away to start but gets kicked in the face. A backbreaker sets up some choking from the Wall, before he blocks a sunset flip with even more choking. Well no one ever accused him of being the most versatile guy in the world. Wall plants him with a clothesline but YOU CAN’T PUT KIDMAN ON THE TOP ROPE, as he kicks Wall away and hits a missile dropkick. His high cross body is countered into a powerslam though and Wall grabs him by the throat again. This brings out Vampiro to kick Wall in the back, giving Kidman a roll up win.

Rating: D+. That ends the run of match of the night for Kidman but given who he was in there with, it’s hard to argue against him being the hottest thing in the company at the moment. Kidman is trying really hard lately and was able to carry Wall to a passable match. That alone makes him into a more impressive performer than most.

Here’s Flair for his big return speech. He brags about being bigger than the Steelers, Eagles and Pirates and lists off some hockey players who aren’t as big a star as he is. Ten years ago there were some people who could run with him, but Space Mountain still has the longest line. A few weeks ago the Powers That Be asked him to be the commissioner, but he turned them down because he’s the greatest wrestler alive today. He came up here because the deal was right and now he needs to say something to Terry Funk.

Flair can’t believe that Funk has been implying that Flair would support him, because there’s a big difference between Ric Flair and Terry Funk. This brings out Funk, who is loudly booed. He calls Flair banana nosed and horse toothed but praises him for all those World Titles. However, Funk senses some jealousy in Ric’s voice. Maybe it comes from Mick Foley saying Flair isn’t in Funk’s league in his book? STOP PROMOTING OTHER COMPANY’S STUFF!

Anyway, Flair needs to grow up and help in the fight against the NWO, but then tells him to go be Governor of North Carolina and leave the fight to himself and Arn Anderson. Flair wants to fight, even though he’s head to toe in Armani. Funk comes in, punches him down, and puts on the spinning toe hold until security comes out for the save. So yeah, they’re fighting over who is a bigger legend and Flair seems to be a heel, even though the fans booed Funk. This is one of the top stories in the company at the moment.

Jarrett thinks Funk and Flair will be Sid’s partners.

Sting is in some movie.

Sid isn’t worried about the NWO.

Ms. Hancock wants to know why Lenny and Lodi haven’t been wearing their suits but they say they’re done. That’s not cool with Hancock, who reminds them of the West Hollywood Blonds stunt that almost got them fired. Lenny, and I quote: “Oh yeah, we’re REAL lucky to have a job in WCW.” They’re sick of this stupid “gimmick” and tell Hancock to come find them when the bun is out of her hair. So much for the fourth wall.

Total Package vs. Brian Knobbs

Liz and Luger have the Sting stuff with them. Fit Finlay is guest referee here for no apparent reason. Knobbs jumps Luger to start and elbows him in the face. The Pit Stop is loaded up but Finlay pushes Brian’s arm down for some reason. Knobbs responds by…..doing it anyway. They head outside with Knobbs whipping him into the barricade, only to have Finlay blast Knobbs from behind.

Back in and Brian, apparently not hurt by a shot to the head, fires off clotheslines and drops some elbows as this is the most motivated he’s been in years. Brian goes up for a splash but Finlay stands in front of him, allowing Liz to hit Knobbs with a bat. That’s it for Finlay as he leaves, allowing Luger to Pillmanize Brian’s arm. We get some smack talk about Hogan and I’m assuming it’s a no contest.

Rating: D-. So we have Finlay vs. Knobbs in an actually interesting feud (gah that’s hard to say) and then Luger wanting to fight Hogan for no reason other than the script says so. Knobbs now has a broken arm, so maybe he’ll be off screen for a bit? Somehow this was better than I was expecting.

Norman Smiley comes out of a coffin dressed as the Demon. Egads.

Dale Torborg is mad that someone has stolen his outfit. So much for staying in character.

Shane Helms vs. Norman Smiley

Norman is the Demon because he’s the original Santino Marella. Helms starts fast with a Russian legsweep but Norman pops up like a skilled guy stuck in a horrible comedy gimmick and slams Shane down. In the middle of this match of all things, we hear that Hogan will be on Thunder this week. That doesn’t get a big segment of its own? Well of course it doesn’t. Helms busts out an airplane spin but Norman comes back with a giant swing. It’s time to dance but the other 3 Count members have to be dispatched. The Norman’s Conquest is good for the quick submission.

Cue Torborg with the cops to chase Norman off.

Page and Kimberly are in the back when the Mamalukes come up. Vito gets a quick feel of her but Kimberly thinks it was Disco, who calls her a bimbo for accusing him. Page beats Disco up out of principle.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Disco Inferno

Page drags Inferno into the arena and they get all up in DJ Ran’s area. DJ Ran still had a job in 2000??? They fight through the crowd with Page in control and the bell finally rings once they’re inside. A top rope clothesline and Rock Bottom knock Disco even sillier (yet doesn’t mess with that perfect hair) but he comes back with, what else, a low blow. Disco’s usual neckbreaker and middle rope elbow set up the dancing, only to have Page plant him with a helicopter bomb. The Diamond Cutter ends this in a hurry, as it should have. I guess Page is a full on face again.

Jeff Jarrett/Harris Twins vs. Terry Funk/Sid Vicious/Ric Flair

And there’s no Flair. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Sid fighting the Twins and Funk not being able to keep up. Sid takes we’ll say Ron inside and Funk throws in a chair, which the Twins quickly throw back out. You can hear a fan complaining about his eye hurting because the fans are that silent. Ron gets backdropped to the floor but Don breaks up a powerbomb on Jarrett. So the powerbomb is legal again?

Things settle down with Funk working on Ron’s leg, only to get chaired in the back by Don. Off to Jarrett to hammer away in the corner, only to have Funk grab a quick piledriver for a breather. It’s off to Sid to clean house and here comes Flair to go after Funk as we flash back to 1989. Actually that’s a great thing. Security drags him away and Ron gets chokeslammed with Don making a save. That earns Don a powerbomb but Jeff comes in with the guitar to knock Sid cold for the pin.

Rating: D. So is Flair a heel? Because that would be about the dumbest thing they could do right now. Therefore, we’ll go with the idea that Flair is a heel at the moment. The match was there so Flair could come out and attack Funk to set up their match down the road, even though I’m not sure how much interest there is in the two of them fighting, as they’re a combined 106 years old at this point.

Overall Rating: D-. So they bring Flair back and turn him heel, again leaving Sid and Funk as the top faces in this company. At this point, I really can’t bother getting annoyed anymore. Between that and Finlay and Knobbs having one of the most developed stories on the roster, this company really is just melting before our eyes. On top of all that, it’s becoming clearer and clearer that Jarrett is just going to hold the US Title without frequently, or even occasionally, defending it, meaning a big chuck of the roster is just running around fighting for no reason. It’s such a waste but it’s what we’re stuck with.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #224
Date: January 24, 2000
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 12,106
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

It’s actually a big show for once as we’re crowning a new World Champion tonight because the idea of waiting for pay per view is a foreign concept in this company. Kevin Nash is already in the title match but Sid has to qualify by beating Jeff Jarrett, who I don’t think is allowed to fight for the title. Let’s get to it.

This show is dedicated to Bobby Duncum Jr. He had potential.

Nash, Jarrett and Steiner arrive in separate limos with their women for the evening, including Major Gunns and someone who looks a heck of a lot like Victoria/Tara. Scott Hall is here too.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: Psychosis vs. Kaz Hayashi

The finals are at SuperBrawl, Juventud is out with Psychosis and Kaz gets a jobber entrance. Presumably annoyed by this, Kaz shoulders him down to start and nails a nice release German. An enziguri knocks Psychosis to the floor and Kaz nails a plancha. Back in and Psychosis nails a clothesline before going after the knee.

After a few kicks, it’s back to the floor where Juvy gets in a People’s Elbow. So we have a fake Rock and a fake Road Dogg. I wonder who they’re ripping off next. Back in and Kaz dives right back to the floor to take Juvy out. Psychosis goes up top but dives into a dropkick to the ribs. Well at least they’re finally picking things up a bit. And they head back inside where Kaz misses a spinwheel kick and gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well the flying wasn’t bad but Juvy’s Rock impression, which still just makes me want to watch Rock, is taking away from everything else in the match. Psychosis, while not the best in the world, was clearly winning here because Kaz just isn’t very exciting in the ring. At least the division is getting some attention for a change.

Terry Funk and Arn Anderson arrive.

Nash says Jarrett has failed his physical and can’t go tonight, but the boss has a plan.

After a break, Nash makes Funk vs. Bam Bam Bigelow in a hardcore match.

The Wall vs. Kid Romeo

Squash time. We hear about Nash putting out a $15,000 bounty on Funk. This would be shocking, until you realize that Funk is probably the second biggest face in the company right now. Romeo fires off dropkicks to start and actually knocks Wall to the ropes. He doesn’t knock Wall out to the floor as Wall jumps over the ropes to get there but at least Romeo got him halfway. Romeo’s plancha barely works but he scores with an enziguri back inside, only to try a sunset flip and get chokeslammed for the pin. Wall barely had any offense until the ending.

Sid thinks something is afoot with the Jarrett absence.

Arn tries to talk to Bigelow but Bam Bam would beat up his mother for $15,000. Anderson: “It’s your funeral.”

Scott Steiner and Hall offer the Power Plant guys a chance to fight tonight. Their pick: Al Greene. One of the guys who didn’t get picked was none other than Christopher Daniels, who worked a dark match before the show.

Norman Smiley vs. Shannon Moore

Dang I don’t know who to cheer for. Norman, in Dodgers gear, interrupts the song, therefore making him the instant heel. It also earns him a quick 3-1 beating until it’s just Shannon in the ring. Norman fights up and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and IT’S DANCE TIME! Moore doesn’t care for the spankings and tries a rollup, only to get countered into a front powerbomb.

It’s time to get the rest of the boys involved but Norman is of course way too smart for them (meaning he has an IQ higher than a squid). Shannon is back up with an Asai moonsault to the floor though and Norman is actually in trouble for a change. Back inside and Norman slaps on the namesake Conquest for the submission. It’s pretty sad that this is a major upgrade in feuds for Norman, but I’ll take what I can get.

Post match it’s time to sing again but Moore is still down. Instead, Norman clears the ring and dances for them.

Al Greene vs. Tank Abbott

Abbott knees him into the ribs, punches him in the corner, slams him down, and knocks Greene out with a big right hand for his longest match yet.

Tank yells at his former UFC bodyguard, who Heenan interviews after a break. The bodyguard, who isn’t named, says Abbott is a sellout.

Here’s Ernest Miller, now with blond hair, who promises to whip everybody as soon as he can get back in the ring. The fat boy in the front row can sit down and it’s dance time. How many people in this company dance at the moment?

Greene is loaded into an ambulance and the NWO laughs.

Terry Funk vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Anything goes of course. Bigelow jumps him in the back to start and drags the elder statesman to the arena for some choking with a well placed rope. Some chair shots knock Funk towards the ring but he’s still able to avoid the top rope headbutt. They’re quickly back on the floor and Funk busts out an Asai moonsault of his own to drop the big man. Now it’s Funk with the chair but, ever the crazy man, he tries to headbutt Bigelow and just hurts himself even worse.

Bigelow throws it back inside and this time the top rope headbutt connects, but here are Finlay and Knobbs to help out their mentor (I guess?). That’s fine with Bigelow who easily knocks both guys away and loads up another headbutt. He’s a man of limited offense. This time though, Knobbs puts a chair over Funk and Bigelow knocks himself cold, giving Terry the pin.

Rating: D. So Funk is in a hardcore feud and a main event feud, thereby making this company more and more like ECW every single week. The match was exactly what you would expect from these two (both former ECW World Champions oddly enough) and the addition of Knobbs and Finlay doesn’t make it any better.

Funk promises reinforcements against Nash on Thunder.

Don Harris vs. Sid Vicious

If Sid wins, he faces Nash for the title later tonight. Harris is replacing Jarrett because…..I have no idea why. Sid is smart enough to go after Don before he can even get his jacket off because you know there’s going to be cheating here. They head outside with Sid in control, but he takes too long throwing Don inside and the twins are already switching. Ron clotheslines Sid out to the floor and it’s another switch. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit before the twins plant Sid with a double slam. Back up and Sid grabs a chokeslam on Don, who rolls outside for a switch, so Sid powerbombs Ron for the pin.

Rating: D. This is a thing that happened. I’m not sure what else there is to say about it but I’m sure that Nash will be able to tell the twins apart (or that he watched the match. Well in theory as not many other people were) and it’s going to be a loophole. Boring match of course, but did you expect anything else from the Harris Twins?

Vampiro vs. Kidman

Torrie comes out wearing basically a zebra print bikini. Vampiro misses a kick to start and they circle each other a bit. A headscissors doesn’t do much good for Kidman as Vampiro throws him down with a release powerbomb. We cut to the crowd and OH GOOD LORD NO IT’S DAVID ARQUETTE! Please cut away from him. Please. I can’t handle it. Kidman reverses a powerbomb as only he can but he gets planted with a side slam for two.

Vampiro misses the top rope legdrop and Kidman hits a big plancha to take him out on the floor. Back up and Kidman dropkicks him to the floor, only to have a slingshot plancha caught. That’s fine with Kidman as he slips down the back and sends him into the post to take over again. Torrie seems way into this. The BK Bomb gets two and Vampiro’s DDT gets the same, much to the latter’s shock.

A little miscommunication sets up a release Rock Bottom from Vampiro but he gets dropkicked out of the air. That’s fine with Vampiro who counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb for two more. With nothing else working, Vampiro loads up a superbomb but you can’t superbomb Kidman (that doesn’t have the same ring to it), who hurricanranas Vampiro down for the pin.

Rating: B. Again, WHY IS KIDMAN NOT DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT??? He just got done with three matches at one pay per view and he’s had the best match on the last three TV shows, but he can’t get anywhere near the US Title because that’s Jarrett’s and he can’t get anywhere near the TV Title because it was literally trashed a few months ago. Such is life in WCW.

Arn Anderson is on the phone with champ. “Get your pants on. Can you be in Vegas for Thunder?”

Nash gets a massage, which is part of his plan to win the World Title.

Vampiro has something to say but his mic doesn’t work.

Total Package vs. Booker T.

Liz does an over the top introduction for Luger, who then babbles on about Sting. Just get him back so he can crush Luger and be done with it. No one can compare to Luger, including Hulk Hogan himself. There’s SuperBrawl I guess. Booker comes out and slugs away because he should be moving up the ladder but we need a Road Wild 1997 rematch.

An early Rock Bottom gets two on Luger and the ax kick (good looking one) knocks him silly but Liz offers a distraction. Cue Midnight to take care of Liz, allowing Booker to hit a big side kick, only to have Big T. sneak in with a slap jack to knock Booker silly, setting up Luger’s Rack for the unconscious win. So glad to see Booker getting knocked cold again so the Rack can beat him one more time to set up the big main event Luger vs. Hogan feud that is happening for no apparent reason.

Post match Sting’s music comes on and we have a shadowy figure with a bat on the stage. Smoke comes on and whisks him away however. Great. So now Luger is feuding with Sting, Hogan and Warrior.

Vampiro thinks the WWF sabotaged his mic and wants a rematch with Kidman.

David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney have an idea for the upcoming Tag Team Title match.

Tag Team Titles: Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay vs. Mamalukes

The Mamalukes are defending but before either team comes out, David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney take over all three commentary spots. David takes over Tony’s job and actually isn’t terrible considering he’s sounding normal with a twinge of crazy. Disco is suddenly fine with being with the Mamalukes after trying to make them lose more than once. Daffney thinks they’re the Marmadukes and Marmalades. Crowbar: “I’m like Bobby Eaton and you have the mat skills of Sweet Stan Lane.”

They shove each other around to start and the challengers get the early advantage. David: “This one time, at band camp, I hit someone over the head with my crowbar.” Standards and Practices come out to watch but only Ms. Hancock sticks around. The camera stays on her for a bit before we see Vito working on Knobbs in the corner. Disco and Hancock stare each other down and Crowbar brings up the crimson mask. Crowbar isn’t half bad as a play by play guy. “Double ax handle to the chest! That could cave in the upper thorax!”

Both challengers crush Johnny in the corner as David starts dancing on the table. Hancock leaves with David and Daffney following as Finlay hits the Regal Roll on Johnny. Disco offers a distraction so Vito can get in a belt shot for two as everything breaks down. Knobbs throws a chair at Finlay by mistake (Crowbar: “A FAUX PAS!”), setting up Vito’s swinging inverted DDT to retain the belts.

Rating: D. Crowbar and Hancock were the highlights of the match. There’s only so much you can expect from these four, but they’re already better in the ring than Flair and Crowbar, almost by default. You could barely keep track of the match with all the shenanigans though, and that gets old in a hurry.

Here’s Nash with something to say, though first he has to steal a fan’s sign about Hall being afraid of O’Doul’s beer (non-alcoholic). The fans want Goldberg but “he doesn’t work here anymore.” He and Sid are about to fight but since the powerbomb is so dangerous, it’s banned from use tonight. Well Nash already beat Sid in a powerbomb match without using a powerbomb so that really doesn’t change much. The NWO is on it’s way to Vegas so it’s one on one.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Kevin Nash

Thankfully Nash just stayed in the ring instead of leaving like so many people (including Nash in the past) have done before. Sid shoves him to the floor to start but Nash cheats to win a test of strength to take over. They head outside again as the announcers actually talk about Thunder being taped tomorrow night. I know it’s not exactly a secret but it’s not something you hear about that often. We hit the sleeper on Sid back inside because Nash needs to rest a bit.

Tony’s logic on the match: a loss here makes the NWO even stronger. Sid’s arm goes up after the second drop but he drives Nash into the referee in the corner. A big boot and legdrop set up the hand to the ear to see if the fans want a powerbomb. Cue Jarrett (Nash LIED???) but Sid takes the guitar away to blast Nash, but Sid is smart enough to play possum before crawling over military style for the pin and the title. BIG pop for that.

Rating: D. As I think everyone guessed coming in, this was a slow and mostly dull power match. The ending would have been better suited after a 10-15 minute match, but I don’t think the world was ready for Sid vs. Nash getting that much time in the year 2000. I’ll give them this though: the idea of Sid outsmarting someone is about as entertaining a bit of fiction as I’ve seen in a long time.

Confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is getting downright tolerable. Above all else they now have a clear focus in the main event, which is more than you could say a few weeks back. Back then there were so many focuses that it was almost impossible to keep track of what was going on. Unfortunately that focus is on Sid, which isn’t the most interesting idea in the world.

Other than that there’s a more solid undercard being developed, but it would be nice to see some of the people move up the ladder and WAY less emphasis on the hardcore stuff. We get it: you can hit each other with trashcan lids and chairs and Brian Knobbs is totally interesting and worthy of pushing at least in the general direction of the space shuttle. I’m scared to think of who Funk is going to get as a reinforcement, but I’m hoping it’s just Sid so we don’t have to have anyone else coming in. Or maybe it’s Flair, which would work a bit better. Not a good show this week, but at least it’s a few steps ahead of where they were.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #223
Date: January 17, 2000
Location: Value City Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Attendance: 10,646
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

I have to say this way too often around here, but everything has changed again. Benoit won the World Title last night and that’s the last you’re going to see of him in WCW. Unfortunately that’s also the case for Malenko, Guerrero and Saturn, who all quit when Kevin Sullivan was announced as the fired Vince Russo’s replacement. The Filthy tried to get out as well but didn’t have such an easy escape. Now we get to see how everything falls out so let’s get to it.

The NWO arrives and Nash leaves Jeff’s hand hanging in a funny bit.

Kidman vs. Psychosis

We immediately start with a match and Kidman gets an early advantage off a headscissors and stops a charge by raising a boot. A high cross body gets two but Psychosis low bridges him to the floor and hits a big dive over the top. Thankfully the whole landing on Kidman’s head part didn’t cripple him. Back in and a nice top rope spinwheel kick gets two as the announcers promise to address all the major changes after last night’s show.

They head outside again with Kidman being sent into the barricade but he’s still able to dropkick Psychosis out of the air back inside. Psychosis counters a superplex into a super sitout gordbuster for two, only to walk into a wheelbarrow suplex. That earns Kidman a DDT and the guillotine legdrop for a very close two. YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN though and the faceplant gets the pin. This would be four Kidman matches in two days without a Shooting Star.

Rating: B. Off the top of my head, the best match WCW has had since the main event of Mayhem back in November. You can immediately see the cruiserweights being brought back to a respectable place as they were allowed to just go out and have a good match instead of being used as target practice for the heavyweights. They’re already off to a good start.

Now we get the big fallout from last night in the form of a statement from Arn Anderson. Terry Funk got beaten up last night for doing what he believed in and that’s what a real man does. Anderson has always tried to do what he said and last night he promised to call the match down the middle. Then he started watching the match instead of refereeing and he didn’t notice Sid’s foot under the ropes when Benoit made him tap out. Therefore the title is vacant.

To recap our title holders, we have David Flair, Crowbar (both of whom lost last night), Brian Knobbs and Ed Ferrara.

The Harris Brothers are in suits again and now guarding the NWO’s locker room. I’m so glad we had them turn a few weeks ago just to turn back already.

Booker says he hasn’t forgotten where he came from and apparently he and Stevie knew Big T. back in the day. They decided he was all wrong for them and Booker didn’t know he was out of jail. That’s already more backstory than we get for most new characters.

Here’s the new Harlem Heat, with Stevie saying he and Big T. are willing to give Booker another chance. Booker and Midnight come out but Stevie wants Midnight to leave. Stevie mentions Booker borrowing his bike to go get candy as a kid but the brawl is on. The team takes Booker down and Stevie wants a referee in here right now.

Booker T. vs. Big T.

Both guys are in street clothes. A quick Pearl River Plunge drops Booker and a World’s Strongest Slam does the same. Booker comes back with a forearm and ax kick followed by the Book End but Stevie throws in a slap jack to knock Booker silly for the pin. This was nothing.

Vampiro vs. Disco Inferno

The Mamalukes are out with Disco and tell him there will be no dancing. During the entrances, Tony basically begs the fans to come to the Thunder taping tomorrow night. Vampiro nails a spinwheel kick to start and another spin kick to the chest. Disco’s monkey flip doesn’t get him anywhere and Vampiro plants him with a release Rock Bottom, only to miss a corkscrew moonsault.

The Mamalukes validate their paycheck by attacking Disco as this is actually a faster pace than you would expect. It’s like they’re actually being allowed to try for a change. A swinging neckbreaker gets two for Disco but Vampiro avoids an elbow and hits another top rope spinwheel kick, followed by the Nail in the Coffin for the pin.

Rating: C. Nothing great here but like I said, they were trying for a change. It’s such a different atmosphere already with Russo gone for one show and you can see the quality and effort going up. Vampiro looked decent here and I can see why they wanted to push him, but they need to do something with him already.

Scott Steiner presents Nash with some women for secretary interviews, including the yet to be named Major Gunns, Shakira and Midajah. Steiner wants to play Twister.

Tag Team Titles: 3 Count vs. David Flair/Crowbar

We get a 3 Count performance before the match to really make this show feel better. Evan is the odd man out here. 3 Count dives onto the champs to start and here are Standards and Practices to scout the match. We settle down with David suplexing Moore and dropping him with a belly to back for two. Daffney hisses at Evan on the floor so David runs over for the save. Helms superkicks Crowbar down and Shannon adds a top rope spinning splash for two. David low bridges Shannon to the floor, allowing Crowbar to hit a reverse DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. I loved 3 Count and there’s nothing bad about looking at Stacy Keibler but this really didn’t work. At the end of the day, David Flair just isn’t ready for this spot. He’s trying, but it’s very similar to Erik Watts in the early 90s: he needed a lot more seasoning before being thrown into this spot.

We get an encore!

Nash asks the ladies to leave so they can have some NWO business. Bret is nowhere to be seen. They need to get rid of the Old Age Outlaws but Arn can stick around for some reason.

Maestro vs. Tank Abbott

No piano, 13 seconds, one right hand for the knockout. This was a shoot fight, because the Brawl For All didn’t teach WCW anything.

Norman Smiley comes out to stare down Abbott but Meng shows up to give Abbott someone a real challenge.

Most of the midcard is coming to the arena. Since this is WCW, it takes far longer than it should have. They couldn’t have had them come out during the break? Nash and the Harris Brothers come out for the first official address of the roster. Nash praises himself but says he has goals for everyone out there. Tenay needs a personality, Knobbs needs a brain, Abbott needs a heart and Smiley needs courage. Nash: “I sound like Oz up here.”

The fans cut him off with a Goldberg chant so Nash threatens to fire him. This brings Nash to his first real act: Jeff Jarrett is officially the US Champion again. Jeff: “HOLY SLAPNUTS!” Next up is health, which is why there will be mandatory rectal exams before every match with Dr. Jellyfinger. Also, everyone is going to be in the same locker room no matter what level they’re on and no one can look at Nash but they all must call him Lord Master.

Nash will decide what happens with the World Title at a later date. He’s rapid firing through these ideas. There will be no illegal substances in the locker room, including Viagra. Nash: “Sorry Lex!” He praises Bagwell and Page for their match last night. Nash: “Buff, you doing Kim or what?” As for the first main event tonight, it’s Bagwell vs. Page in a rematch from last night with Kimberly as guest referee. They’re the NWO, they’re in charge, and they are gods.

Kimberly comes in to see the NWO and is given her referee outfit and asks if Page or Bagwell was better.

Team 2000 vs. Varsity Club

Team 2000 is Masahiro Chono and Super J (From what I can find it’s Jeff Farmer, better known as NWO Sting). There’s actually a story here: Rotundo was part of NWO Japan but left to reform the Varsity Club. Yeah this match is actually getting a story over a Japanese faction that most people didn’t know existed.

It’s a brawl to start until Chono starts driving knees into Mike’s ribs to take over. Off to Steiner but Chono wants Rotundo back in, which the fans find boring. I can’t say I blame them as there’s no reason to care about this story. Steiner suplexes Chono down and easily takes J to the mat. Steiner whips him into the barricade and Rotundo has a lame slugout as this just keeps going.

Rotundo chinlocks J as Steiner and Chono brawl in the aisle. Back in and Rick gets double teamed for a bit but they’re quickly back on the floor to keep up the brawling. A big boot to the face out of the corner blasts Rick again but Chono dives into a belly to belly. Everything breaks down again and the referee misses a small package from Rotundo to Chono. J comes in and rolls it over to FINALLY give Chono the pin.

Rating: D. This is one of the first major cases of the show having to throw in ANYTHING else besides Benoit/Guerrero/Malenko/Saturn. There was no reason for this to be a nine minute match and the fans might have been on to something with the boring chant. It wasn’t the worst match in the world, but like I said, there’s no reason to care about these teams fighting. The match wasn’t good enough to overcome that problem and it dragged on and on as a result.

Sid Vicious vs. The Wall

Sid runs him over to start and Wall bails to the floor for a breather. Wall is thrown over the announcers’ table as this is full squash mode so far. That’s it for the play by play right now as we cut to Disco and the Mamalukes coming in to say they’ll get the NWO anything they need. Nash asks if they’ve ever heard of Vinnie Vegas. Their assignment: go beat up Sid. Then get some grinders. We cut back to the ring to see Sid chokeslamming Wall for the pin.

The Mamalukes come out but eat powerbombs.

Scott Steiner, in a Michigan jersey and flanked by Midajah and a girl in a Michigan cheerleader uniform, comes out and beats up the Ohio State (Michigan’s big rival) mascot. Steiner does his usual stuff about how all the women want him and tells them to take a number and wait in the back. Michigan beating Ohio State was easy, just like the women in Ohio. An Ohio State fan argues with him from ringside and gets beaten down. Security quickly takes the bloody fan away as we’re firmly in the Scott is nuts phase.

Total Package vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Luger is finally out of the Sting attire. Bigelow elbows him out to the floor and pounds in some big forearms to the back. Back in and Bigelow slugs away, eats the metal forearm, and continues slugging away. The top rope headbutt connects but Liz distracts Bigelow to break up the Greetings From Asbury Park. Cue Kanyon but Bigelow nails him, only to take a champagne bottle to the head from Luger for the pin.

Rating: D-. Is there a point coming to this Bigelow vs. Kanyon feud anytime soon? They’ve been feuding, with Bigelow consistently coming out on the losing end, for weeks now and there’s no real progression to the story. This was another match that didn’t do anything for anyone and was just there to fill in time.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Buff Bagwell

Kimberly’s referee outfit is exactly what you would expect it to be. Page starts fast with a shoulder and spinning Rock Bottom but Kimberly takes her sweet time counting. Buff comes back with a clothesline and they fight to the floor then into the crowd. Time for the ECW phase of the show it seems. A trash can shot knocks Page back to the barricade and they head back inside.

Bagwell nails a hot shot onto the turnbuckle but he stops to hit on Kimberly. Page gets back up and crotches Bagwell against the post. The Diamond Cutter is blocked by grabbing a rope (and it actually works unlike last night) and both guys are down again. The double arm DDT from Buff (well maybe an arm and a quarter) gets another very slow two count.

Back up and they fight over a backslide before the Diamond Cutter connects but Page can’t cover. Instead Buff gets up and loads up the Blockbuster, only to get crotched down. Page’s superplex attempt is countered with a low blow and now the Blockbuster connects. Kimberly “accidentally” collides with Buff and knocks herself down, allowing Page to get up and hit the Diamond Cutter for a slow pin.

Rating: D+. This is another feud that is just meandering along with little development in sight. It’s no longer about whether Kimberly slept with Bagwell but rather if she’s going to leave her husband for him. That’s about all there is as far as advancement goes, but it’s not enough to validate the boring matches that come with the feud.

Kimberly bolts from the ring and Page follows to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Suddenly Russo is out of power and this feels like a wrestling program again. It’s certainly nothing great but we had storyline progression that you could follow, some watching wrestling getting time (three matches broke six minutes and with ten more seconds on the opener they all would have broken seven) and nothing horrible/insulting to my intelligence. In other words, it’s a middle of the road wrestling show.

That’s the key though: this show still isn’t really good. A lot of the wrestling was uninspired at best and the stories were only ok. Nash as the power mad yet entertaining boss has potential and the lack of the focus on the mostly retired crew helped a lot. Unfortunately, I have a feeling the bottom is going to fall out very soon because they’re going to have to find something to fill in the void left by all the people leaving, and it’s not NWO Japan.

This is where the problems are going to crop up and there isn’t much WCW can do about it. The Radicalz leaving at once was like taking the walls out from a building. No matter what was going on, you could count on those four guys to put on a decent wrestling match if you gave them the chance. Now that they’re gone, there isn’t much left to take their places.

What’s supposed to make up for those guys missing? Page and Bagwell having lame matches? More Varsity Club? Ahmed Johnson? Jeff Jarrett cutting the same promo with the same slap nuts line every single week? WCW has lost the meat of their company and there isn’t much they can throw in there to fill in the gaps. That brings me to the big point here: the Radicalz leaving was the point of no return for WCW.

Now here’s the thing: WCW was going to die no matter what. In the long run, there was too much money being burned and too much of a mess to possibly fix the place. Somewhere along the line it was going to go under and Vince would be left smiling. However, as long as you had those four guys (or at least a young core group of wrestlers who could one day take over), there was always a hope. It may have been just a glimmer, but it was there.

However, all that went away when they left. Those four leaving took the hope away from WCW fans. Any chance they had to see something fresh come in and take the company back from the Good Old Boys network at the top was gone and the hope was destroyed. Now there’s just the old guys hanging around at the top, collecting their paychecks and putting on the same pitiful matches that no one wants to see except for the diehard fans.

Benoit finally got to the top last night and it felt like yet another Dusty Finish. Yeah he got there, but never mind because we need to take the title away from him and just let it sit around until we find some other old guy to put it on so he can talk about having some big match but never be able to live up to those promises. The fans have no reason to believe it’s possible now and once that happens, the faint chance that WCW could turn it around was gone.

WCW was already a very wounded animal before those four left, but there was always the chance that they could tape themselves up, get on their feet and nail one big right hook to knock the WWF back and have one more chance in this fight. Instead, and no one knew how bad it was going to get in just a few weeks when they showed up on Nitro, WWF just cut off WCW’s arms and punched them with their own fists. WCW may appear to still be alive and trying to come back, but at this point, without the core talent that they built up being around anymore, there is no more hope. WCW is dead.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #222
Date: January 10, 2000
Location: Marine Midland Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,990
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

How can this already be the last Nitro before Souled Out? With all the nonsense that goes on around here these days, it’s very hard to keep up with the time frame. It doesn’t help that they keep changing things around as Russo continues to lose influence. Oddly enough that loss has power has coincided with my headaches subsiding after these shows. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Terry Funk getting beaten up over and over by the NWO. Suddenly Ric Flair is the smartest man in wrestling.

Terry Funk, Larry Zbyszko, Arn Anderson and Paul Orndorff arrive. This is really their big solution to Goldberg’s injury? A lineup of wrestlers who were veterans eight years earlier?

Tag Team Titles: Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn vs. Kidman/Konnan vs. David Flair/Crowbar

Flair and Crowbar are defending. Falls count anywhere, likely due to this being close to ECW territory. The Animals and Revolution start brawling before the champions get out here so David and Crowbar are late to the fight. With Shane sitting in on commentary and demanding to only be referred to as the Franchise, Crowbar lays Kidman out with a sitout gordbuster.

It’s time to get the weapons and they might as well start piping in the ECW chants already. Flair and Crowbar take over with their weapons as the Revolution destroys Rey in the aisle. In the insanity, Douglas and Malenko put Mysterio on a table so Saturn can channel his inner New Jack for a splash from the balcony. Saturn is broken in half (though nowhere near as badly as Rey) so David comes over and pins him to retain.

Rating: E. I think you know what that stands for. Let’s see: no wrestling in sight, a bunch of weapons, falls count anywhere, a huge dive out of the balcony through someone on a table. As usual, WCW has no idea what it’s trying to be so it just rips off another promotion’s ideas step for step.

Tony tells us that Terry Funk is booking the show on the fly tonight so they have no idea what the matches will be. I actually kind of like the idea as they often make matches throughout the night so why not just admit that you’re doing it?

Recap of Harlem Heat splitting. That would be the 2000 split in case you’re confused with all the other splits they’ve had over the years.

The NWO gives Scott Steiner some women of questionable character for a birthday present.

We look back at the ending to the opener. Mysterio leaves in an ambulance, along with the Animals.

Steiner goes into a room with three of the women, promising the rest will have a turn later.

Here’s Oklahoma to continue his anti-woman crusade. Oh geez can we go back to the New Jack imitations? He insults women and wants them all to stay in the kitchen where they belong, except for an open challenge right now.

Oklahoma vs. Asya

Well who else was it going to be? She shoves him down and knocks off his hat so Oklahoma nails her from behind, knocking it out to the floor. Asya slams him down and here’s Madusa, with blue hair, as Oklahoma nails Asya with a bottle of barbecue sauce. Madusa takes a broom to the head and Oklahoma takes the belt.

Juventud Guerrera, Psychosis, Kidman, Rey Mysterio, Dean Malenko, Lenny Lane, La Parka. There’s no reason I’m listing these names off. They just happened to come to my mind.

Here are Funk, Zbyszko, Anderson and Orndorff with something to say. Funk says Nash’s powerbomb on Thunder is nowhere near enough and he pulled these three men off the unemployment line to help him fight this battle. They’re the Old Age Outlaws (egads) but they’re more than young enough to take care of the NWO.

Arn talks about wanting to get some revenge the old fashioned way, Zbyszko bores the crowd by talking about tradition and Orndorff talks about the talent from the Power Plant that he helped train. Why the Power Plant guys aren’t in this spot isn’t exactly clear. It’s also not clear why this story continues as the crowd is eerily silent.

Cue the NWO to make the obvious old jokes. Nash is looking forward to being the Commissioner on Sunday but Funk says he’s still in charge tonight. Like for instance, tonight Jarrett, in a Tennessee Titans jersey for some cheap heat, is going to be in three matches: a regular match, a Bunkhouse Brawl and a cage match. The title won’t be on the line or anything, but I guess that’s out of respect for Benoit. Speaking of Benoit, he’ll be refereeing all three matches, which will be against some of Funk’s close friends.

As for the rest of the NWO, Hart will defend against Nash and if they don’t fight, both guys are suspended for a year. Hart and Nash don’t mind the threat and say they’ll take the year off. You know, because they don’t care about wrestling. Steiner swears a lot, but since he isn’t cleared to wrestle, Funk is going to wash his mouth out with soap.

Let’s stop and take a look at this for a bit. Here’s what we have in this story:

NWO

Bret Hart – Debuted in the WWF in 1985, fifteen year veteran on the national stage

Kevin Nash – Debuted in WCW in 1990, ten year veteran on the national stage

Scott Steiner – Debuted in WCW in 1989, eleven year veteran on the national stage

Jeff Jarrett – Debuted in the WWF in 1993, seven year veteran on the national stage

Now let’s look at the old guys.

Old Age Outlaws

Terry Funk – 54, debuted in 1965, lost the NWA World Title twenty five years ago

Arn Anderson – 41, debuted in 1982, retired as a regular wrestled three years ago

Paul Orndorff – 50, debuted in 1976, retired as a regular wrestler four years ago, hit his peak thirteen years ago

Larry Zbyszko – 48, debuted in 1973, retired as a regular wrestler five years ago, hit his peak twenty years ago

So we have Terry Funk as the only active wrestler, with Larry Zbyszko probably being the healthiest as he retired from active competition in 1994 and has wrestled three matches since. Anderson and Orndorff can’t wrestle and Zbyszko didn’t, so we’re left with Terry Funk, who first retired in 1983, fighting the entire NWO. This is their main event storyline with Benoit as the young guy fighting the midcard champion instead of fighting for the World Title.

How is this supposed to appeal to younger fans? I get how the older generation would appeal to older fans or really big time fans, but even they can only hang with this for so long. The younger fans though see these old guys hogging the spots that the younger guys should be having.

Orndorff mentioned training eight people at the Power Plant. Why not bring them up? You have one of the best talkers of all time in Arn Anderson and two very good talkers in Funk and Orndorff. What WCW needed was a fresh batch of main event talent. You might even say they need a revolution to take over that part of the card.

Instead, guys like Benoit, Malenko, Saturn and Douglas are busy chasing Janitor Jim Duggan around and trying to make him denounce America because they view themselves as a sovereign nation and hate this country while Oklahoma is chasing the Cruiserweight Title and a freakshow tag team like David Flair and Crowbar holding the Tag Team Titles because David is nuts after something about his dad sleeping with Kimberly. Booker T. on the other hand is busy splitting up with Stevie Ray again.

There is no one to cheer for right now and the best solution is to bring in people who used to be over and have them give the rub to….themselves. Yeah Benoit is around and they mentioned him, but you don’t see them working together or helping each other out because the solution is to just have them talk about tradition, much like Vince McMahon did in the early days of his war against Steve Austin. That’s WCW’s big solution to get people to cheer: act like one of the greatest heel characters of all time against the cool heels. It’s like they’re taking every possible bad idea and running with it.

Post break, Funk tells Arn to go find someone.

Arn looks into a limo but finds Kimberly instead of whomever he was looking for.

Video on Page vs. Bagwell.

Gene calls out Page and Bagwell but the control room can be heard telling him that they need a bit more because the intro didn’t go long enough. Is that some massive rib that I just don’t get? That stuff only started when Russo arrived and I have no idea how it’s supposed to be interesting or how the production team could possibly be that inept. Anyway, Gene asks them to be civil for five minutes and we have a countdown clock on the screen.

They talk a lot of trash and Buff insists he and Kimberly are just friends. Apparently Buff and Kimberly have great sexual chemistry (Buff’s words) but Page has been hearing that Buff has been telling the boys that Kimberly has a sexy birthmark. That’s for Page’s eyes only, but Buff says everyone has seen it. That earns him a right hand to the jaw so Buff pulls out a police baton that he just happened to have with him. So much for the countdown clock.

Nash and Bret insist that they won’t sit down. I’m sure there won’t be a swerve whatsoever.

Arn finds another car.

Jeff Jarrett vs. ???

Benoit is guest referee and this is a Bunkhouse Brawl because this show can’t remember the match order Funk made fifteen minutes ago. The mystery opponent is…..George Steele, age 61 and with five nationally televised matches since 1988. Steele brings weapons to the ring and swings away to keep Jeff from getting in. George stops to eat a turnbuckle but gets guitared in the head. Not that it matters as Arn Anderson comes in and plants Jeff with a spinebuster to give George the pin. As in a single spinebuster is enough to pin the United States Champion. Benoit served no purpose here.

After a break, Jarrett tells Nash to throw Hart off the team.

Here’s Stevie Ray to tell Gene to leave so he can do the interview himself. He talks about the history of the team and how Booker won the TV Title because that’s all WCW wanted him to have (huh?). Stevie wants to fight his brother one on one on Sunday because the show is already named after Booker. This brings out Booker and Midnight with Booker saying he’ll never fight his brother. That earns him a slap to the face and Booker agrees to the match.

Arn goes to another car. I’m assuming these are Jarrett’s opponents.

Jeff Jarrett vs. ???

It’s Tito Santana, a spry 46 here and just six and a half years from wrestling on a major national stage, in El Matador gear. This is a Dungeon Match, meaning it’s pin, submission or your opponent leaving the ring. Jeff beats up Orndorff on the way to the ring and mocks the Buffalo Bills.

Tito takes over to start with a nice dropkick and the flying forearm before going after the knee. Jeff kicks him away and Tito has to try three times to jump over the top rope to the apron. I love Santana but this is just pitiful. Benoit and Jarrett argue before Jeff nails Santana with the Stroke, only to stop to argue with one of the Bills. The distraction lets Orndorff hit the piledriver (great looking one too) to give Tito the pin.

Here’s Tank Abbott to call out Doug Dillinger. ARE YOU SERIOUS??? It’s bad enough that we have to put up with this goon who Russo loves for no apparent reason but now we get the big showdown with the head of security? Abbott tells Dillinger to take a shot, Doug does, Tank drops him and Jerry Flynn comes out for the save.

I’m sure you already know the story of what’s going to happen to the World Title situation in the next few days. Tank Abbott was Russo’s big idea to get the World Title, straight off a feud with Doug Dillinger and Jerry Flynn. Putting Rick Steiner over Ric Flair back in 1988 looks BRILLIANT now.

Jimmy Snuka arrives. To save some space in the match, 56 here and other than a one off appearance at Survivor Series 1996, last appeared with a major national promotion (ECW was still regional during his run) in 1991. The youngest opponent for Jarrett tonight is a 46 year old who hadn’t wrestled in the WWF or WCW since 1993. The Revolution, the Filthy Animals, Booker, and any other young and talented wrestler aren’t important enough for this story.

Benoit is out cold in the back.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Jimmy Snuka

In a cage. Jeff hammers away to start and sends Snuka into the cage a few times. Cue referee Benoit but Jarrett shoves him away from the cage door. That earns Jarrett some chops and a whip into the cage but Jeff sends him into the buckle. Jeff goes outside and gets the guitar but Zbyszko and Orndorff come in to clean house. Snuka and Benoit go up to the top of the cage for a Superfly Splash and swan dive, giving Jimmy the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was a segment disguised as a match and yeah the dives looked cool, but Jeff’s concussion wasn’t so great. This would knock him out of the US Title match on Sunday, but at least we got three WWF legends out there in their old territory so Russo could relive his childhood. Having the US Champion lose three times in one night to three guys who won’t be there next week while getting beaten up by a bunch of guys who can’t/won’t wrestle a match is just the price you pay for Russo’s entertainment.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Bret Hart

Bret is defending, but first of all we have to cut to the back where Funk actually does wash Steiner’s mouth out with soap. How Zbyszko and Orndorff managed to restrain Steiner isn’t clear. I’m so glad we got to see this segment. It just made the entire show. Bret is in an NWO shirt, tennis shoes and jean shorts. And he’s known for five moves? Dang who knew Cena stole so much from Bret?

Nash goes after him to start and drives knees in the corner but Bret comes back with right hands. This is already one of the longest matches Nash has had in weeks. A lot of choking ensues until Bret gets in a kick to the leg. Snake Eyes stops him again for two but a low blow puts Nash down again. Bret misses the middle rope elbow and both guys are down. The side slam plants Bret and Nash bails to the floor for a chair. Cue Arn with a steel pipe and a referee shirt to nail Nash in the back, which I think means a no contest.

Rating: D+. And that’s it for Bret as his concussions were so severe that he wouldn’t wrestle another match for over ten years. In true Bret fashion though, he carried Nash to a watchable match and worked at the leg a bit before the non-finish. This actually wasn’t terrible and was by far the longest main event in a few weeks.

Post match here’s Sid (remember him?) as the cage is lowered. Bret is planted with a chokeslam and powerbomb so Arn can do a fast three count. Funk comes out with a flaming branding iron to burn Nash right on the singlet to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. This show comes down to how do you like your bad booking. You can have total insane booking that makes absolutely no sense and goes so far off the rails that you forget you’re watching a wrestling show, or you can have the booking that appeals to the over 50 audience without a good payoff and the US Champion getting pinned three times in an hour and a half.

This show didn’t make me want to see Souled Out, as the majority of this episode was to build up two stories for Sunday, one of which will comprise three matches. The fact that it’s going to be two out of three falls wasn’t mentioned, but why should a little detail like that get in the way of seeing the US Champion lose three falls in a night? This company is in a creative free fall at the moment, but they seem to think they’re going the right way and everyone else is crazy.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #221
Date: January 3, 2000
Location: BiLo Center, Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

It’s a new year and in the best present WCW could give us, the show is back to two hours instead of the usual three. The big story this week is the rest of the Tag Team Title tournament with all the random and wacky teams and the rest of the field being filled out by regular teams who were “randomly” paired together. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week. Why must I be forced to think of that mess again?

A jet landed at the airport today. I’d assume a lot of those land every day but for some reason this is supposed to be interesting.

Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Harris Brothers vs. Buzzkill/Mike Rotundo

Sullivan makes Leia Meow jump on a trampoline for obvious reasons. Rotundo goes after let’s say Ron to start and eats a powerslam and clothesline for his efforts. Off to Buzzkill for a forearm, but Ron comes back with a big old side slam. It’s big enough that it almost knocks Buzzkill’s hair off. Don comes in to hammer away as Standards and Practices come out and get rid of Leia, drawing the Varsity Club out to the floor. The H Bomb ends Buzzkill in a short match.

We look back at the monster truck stuff last week which has damaged Sid’s neck.

A motorcade is leaving the airport.

There’s going to be a new commissioner tonight.

Nash thinks Tom Zenk is getting the job.

Bret arrives and gets beaten down by Sid, wearing a neck brace.

Diamond Dallas Page is ready for his match against Buff Bagwell but Curt Hennig comes up and tells him the Powers That Be want him in the ring tonight. PG-13 is in the ring right now and that’s fine with Page.

Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinals: PG-13 vs. Scott Steiner/Kevin Nash

Steiner is Hall’s official replacement because there are a lot of people named Scott in this company. PG-13 is in the ring doing their rap, so here’s Page to lay them both out with Diamond Cutters. Here’s the NWO with Nash dropping an elbow on Wolfie and pulling the tights for the pin. It’s going to be one of those kind of shows, but at least it’s two hours.

Here’s the NWO to complain about now getting any respect and having to be attacked by Sid. Jarrett: “Slappy New Year!” Jeff isn’t worried about Triple Threat Theater with Benoit and doesn’t have much to say about it. Nash warns the new commissioner that the NWO is going to keep breaking the rules as they always have. Steiner jokes about his retirement and thinks all his fans are Wall Street types. This actually wasn’t that bad.

The motorcade arrives.

Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinals: David Flair/Crowbar vs. Lash Leroux/Midnight

Lash does a cross sign at Daffney in a funny bit. The bad night continues for Lash as Midnight appearing in the ring freaks him out even more. David and Lash get things going with Stevie Ray sitting in on commentary. Flair is easily knocked around the ring because he’s just not that good. It’s off to Crowbar who eats a drop toehold to send him to the floor, only to have him slide back inside where he accidentally baseball slides David.

Stevie tells Lash to tag Midnight in and gets what he deserves, thereby lowering Lash’s sucka levels for the rest of the match. Midnight throws Lash onto Crowbar and nails a nice dropkick, only to have Stevie pull Midnight out to the floor. Cue Disco, Tony Marinara and Disco as we now have more people interfering than in the match. Booker yells at his brother and takes a Slapjack to the head as Leroux hits Whiplash on Crowbar. As the referee yells at Harlem Heat, Vito and Johnny come in and lay out Lash, giving Crowbar the pin.

Rating: D-. Here’s a spoiler for the rest of the show: this match, which ran 5:15, is the longest match on the entire show. Also, in a match just over five minutes long, six people interfered, giving us three stories (Mafia vs. Lash, Harlem Heat splitting, the match itself) in one match. I know we get on Russo for overbooking but come on man. Calm down for like a minute please.

Lash yells at Disco in the back but Disco says he has to deal with the Family, who come in and attack Lash as Disco has to look on.

Here’s Luger Luger, still dressed as Sting and yes, this is really WCW’s best idea to fight Raw. Luger talks about Sting being afraid of him and wants the no name wrestler to come out here and face him.

Total Package vs. Tank Abbott

Stalling by Luger leads into the mace from Liz for the DQ in less than a minute. But remember, Luger is a veteran and therefore still a draw.

Jerry Flynn comes out and beats up Abbott with less than no one caring.

The NWO takes their ball bats to the limo.

Rob Garner of the WCW front office comes out to talk about the “writers” “swerving” WCW and how Sting and Goldberg are currently out of commission. Therefore, let’s bring in someone new to help fight the NWO. That brings us to the new commissioner: Terry Funk. Yes, the big solution to the NWO is to bring in a guy who first retired about sixteen years earlier.

Now don’t get me wrong: Terry Funk is awesome and one of the best wrestlers and performers of all time, but this is not the right move in this spot. This needed to be someone young who could be a future for WCW, not another legend who shows up, basically in the same role as Piper.

Anyway, Funk says he loves wrestling and wants to get rid of these fat hogs at the trough. To do this, he needs an enforcer, and who better than Arn Anderson? Anderson gives his usual great speech about putting the heart back in wrestling, but the WE WANT FLAIR chants almost drown him out. Cue the NWO so Hart can offer Funk a spot on the team. Terry shrugs it off and makes some new stipulations for Hart vs. Goldberg. Wait didn’t they officially cancel that last week? It wouldn’t be the first time they lied about a match they had coming up so why not do it here too?

The match will have Arn as guest referee and the title can change hands on a DQ. As for tonight, it’s Jeff defending the US Title against Sid in a powerbomb match. Oh and Nash and Steiner will indeed get screwed in their matches tonight. Nash threatens David Flair and we’re done here.

Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Buff Bagwell/Chris Kanyon vs. Norman Smiley/Asya

Buff and Kanyon argue over how awesome this town is because Kanyon thinks it’s not Hollywood. Kanyon offers him some champagne so Buff, the hero that he is, breaks the bottle over Kanyon’s head. That’s a great way to advance in a title tournament Buff. Norman is dressed as a mascot of the local baseball team, complete with a three foot long tail, which is shaken in Buff’s general direction.

Buff doesn’t take kindly to Norman mocking his strut and nails him with a clothesline, only to have Asya knee him in the back. We get the spanking dance from Norman before it’s off to Asya, who is quickly suplexed down by Bagwell. Everything breaks down and Asya hits Buff low, only to have Norman accidentally hit her with the mascot head. A Blockbuster sends Buff on his own (presumably) to the semifinals.

Rating: D-. Comedy ladies and gentlemen! This is what you get when you have no reason for these teams to be fighting and you just throw them together and have no chemistry or time to go anywhere. It doesn’t help that neither team even tried to do more than comedy spots to get to the ending. Couple that with Kanyon not even being in the match and what were you expecting here?

The Revolution comes in to beat up Buff, drawing down Duggan for a failed save attempt. The Filthy Animals come out for the real save.

The old guys and the NWO look for David.

Funk and Anderson find Daffney in the boiler room.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. Harris Brothers

You know, in a decent company, this could be a watchable power match. Again Steiner sits in on commentary and lets Nash do the match himself. The twins double team Nash until he gets a ball bat. They obviously run away from the combined force of the bat and the hair, only to have the Varsity Club come in and chair them down. Sullivan throws Don back in and Nash pins him in less than a minute and a half.

Jarrett kidnaps Daffney.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: Buff Bagwell/Chris Kanyon vs. David Flair/Crowbar

Kanyon comes out for no logical reason, only to get jumped by Bam Bam Bigelow and slammed off the stage. This brings out Vampiro, who is apparently going to be Buff’s partner whether Bagwell likes it or not. Vampiro starts with some spinning kicks to put Crowbar down but Buff tags himself in. Cue Anderson and Funk to talk to David because he’s not doing anything important right now.

Vampiro superplexes Crowbar down and Buff tells Vampiro to stay in for the finish. There’s a Ligerbomb to Crowbar but Vampiro stops to argue with Anderson because it’s the least logical thing possible right now. Funk punches Vampiro in the face and Buff adds a Blockbuster to his partner, again for no apparent reason, allowing David to get the pin to go to the finals.

Rating: F. This was a circus with the partners basically saying screw the tag belts because we want to do stupid stuff instead. I’ve completely lost track of what’s going on with Bagwell (feuding with Page I believe), Vampiro (feuding with no one that I know of) and almost everyone else in this company. The sad part: I really don’t care what they’re doing either.

The NWO drags Daffney out so Steiner can call her ugly.

Flair and Crowbar can’t find Daffney.

US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Powerbomb match and Sid is in a neck brace. He shoves Jeff away to start and kicks away, only to have Jarrett go right for the neck. A backdrop puts the big guy on the floor and Jeff rams him into the barricade. Back in and a high cross body gets two for Jeff but Sid powers out and nails a big boot, followed by the chokeslam. The champ shoves the referee down of course and Sid hits the powerbomb, only to have Bret come in with the ball bat for the DQ.

Standard beatdown and spray painting follows.

Tag Team Titles: Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. David Flair/Crowbar

Steiner and Nash clean house to start and I have no idea who to cheer for here. There’s no referee to start and Steiner sits in on commentary to say the opponents suck. Nash slams Crowbar off the top and pokes him in the eye as this has been completely one sided so far. A double noggin knocker puts Flair and Crowbar down again but here come Terry Funk and Arn Anderson in a referee shirt. Crowbar gets jackknifed as security and Funk yell at Steiner. The distraction lets Crowbar hit Nash with a crowbar, giving David the pin and the titles.

Rating: F. It’s the slip on the banana peel ending as this was just a beating until the wacky ending. In other words, Russo probably thought it was great and the wrestlers loved it too as they didn’t have to do much. This wasn’t a match and that really shouldn’t surprise me at this point.

Post match Jeff Jarrett drags Daffney to the ring as David hits Anderson with the crowbar. The new champs stumble away and the NWO swarms Funk. Bret and Jeff kidnap Anderson and throw him in the trunk of a car to end the show. The new champs were complete afterthoughts here.

Overall Rating: F. So tonight we had seven tournament matches. Those matches combined to run less than nineteen minutes, for an average of about two minutes and forty seconds each. If you take away the marathon match that ran over five minutes, you’re looking at six matches taking less than fifteen minutes combined. There were two other matches on this show: Tank Abbott in a match with literally no wrestling and a two minute powerbomb match which ended in a DQ. They’ve taken the wrestling out of this show and now I’m really not sure what Nitro is supposed to be. At least it’s shorter now I guess.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #220
Date: December 27, 1999
Location: Houston Astrodome, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 16,640
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone

We’re finally done with this year and it’s not a moment too soon. While Thunder was better, last week’s Nitro may have been the worst show I’ve ever seen. The NWO is on top again but, due to Goldberg punching a limo, they don’t have a top opponent to deal with so things are a big complicated. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Thunder of Goldberg clearing out the NWO.

The NWO walks through the back until the director tells them it’s clear.

Opening sequence.

Tenay tells us about Goldberg shredding a tendon in his arm and already undergoing surgery.

If that’s not enough, here’s a major update: WCW Senior Executive Vince President Bill Busch is sick Ferrara and Russo’s direction (Tony uses their real names here) and if Scott Hall doesn’t show up by 7pm tonight, the Tag Team Titles are vacated. That time has come and gone, so the Powers That Be have booked (his word) a Lethal Lottery Tag Team Title tournament to start this week and end next week. So the big boss is sick of the booking but is letting the bookers keep going. Makes as much sense as anything else around here.

Apparently Scott Steiner has had another back surgery and his career is probably over. That sounds like a swerve.

Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Kanyon is at ringside and has a wireless mic on. Bigelow goes after him to start but Knobbs gets in a trashcan shot to take over. The announcers ask Kanyon about a title belt he had with him on Thursday as Bigelow and Knobbs fight into the crowd and we hit the ECW production style. Kanyon tells the marks in the crowd to move as he follows them, which is in no way, shape or form like the time Road Dogg did this for Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man in a hardcore match in the WWF. You can’t see a thing going on but apparently Knobbs pins Bigelow. Seriously you could see their arms and that’s about it.

Sid arrives with Benoit.

There’s a monster truck in the back.

The NWO has JJ Dillon in a chair and Nash throws the Tag Team Title on a table. Bret knees JJ in the ribs and that’s it.

The NWO looks at the monster truck, which has an NWO logo on the side. They walk a few feet away and find Sid’s still running car.

Here’s Sid to yell about the NWO. Sid knows that he, Goldberg and Benoit have to watch each others’ backs with the NWO around stabbing everyone in the back. I can barely understand what Sid is saying but I think he wants to beat up all four members of the NWO. What happened to Goldberg is unfortunate, but it’s time for Sid to step up to the plate and go after the World Title. Sid promises to powerbomb Bret through the ring at Souled Out so I guess that’s the main event.

Benoit comes out to join Sid (with a much clearer voice) and talks about wanting to get his hands on the Chosen One Jeff Jarrett. The last few weeks have made Benoit lose all respect for Jeff Jarrett and at Souled Out, Benoit will let out some of the frustration. He wants something called Triple Threat Theater, which means a 2/3 falls match with different rules for each fall.

Up first is a Dungeon Rules match, meaning pinfall or submission only with no rope breaks and if you leave the ring, you lose the match. Second would be a Bunkhouse Brawl, or street fight. Finally, it’s Caged Heat, which means the Cell. Jarrett is the Chosen One to be lead to the slaughter. Cool idea actually.

We cut to the back where the NWO has spray painted Sid’s car, complete with Bret’s caricature of Sid on the hood. He’s not a bad artist.

ZZ Top is here.

Sid and Benoit find the car and aren’t happy.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Buzzkill/Mike Rotundo vs. Dean Malenko/Konnan

Buzzkill is now a full on Road Dogg knockoff, complete with the same hook to open his song. “It’s me, it’s me, it’s that B-U-Double Z.” Also, WE’VE GOT WACKY TAG PARTNERS!!! Dean and Mike get things going and hit the mat for what could be an entertaining exchange. It’s quickly off to Konnan vs. Buzzkill with Konnan taking over, only to have Dean deck his partner. Everyone gets in a fight as Jim Duggan comes in to lay out Dean with the 2×4 to give Buzzkill the pin to advance.

Jarrett and Hart pull the power to the production truck and the feed cuts out. Ok then.

Back with the picture a bit snowy and a white limo arriving, containing Scott Steiner who is met by Rick Steiner with a wheelchair.

The NWO destroys catering. Is there a point to this coming anytime soon?

Tank Abbott vs. Shane

Shane is in dress clothes and gets knocked out in less than a minute. He must have tried to get $20 out of Tank for a posed picture.

Career retrospective on Scott Steiner.

Rick wheels Scott out to the ring to the old Steiner Brothers theme. Can we just get to the swerve that WE NEVER SAW COMING already? A tearful Scott tells a story of his doctor telling him that his back will never heal and he’s going to have to retire. Scott cries about never being able to wrestle his brother again and asks for the fans to say a prayer for him.

Before the Steiners can leave, here’s the NWO. Bret wants a washed up nobody like Scott out of the ring, but to be honest, Scott was never that good anyway. You would think Rick would come out to protect his brother here. There are things more important than Scott Steiner, like the fact that Bret still has his belt. Jeff pretends to cry over Steiner’s announcement so Nash takes over the talking. A tech guy tries to send them to a commercial so Jarrett blasts him with a guitar.

Back with the NWO still in the ring because that’s what this show is about anymore. Nash isn’t cool with someone taking their bats. On top of that, they’re not cool with Bill Busch trying to interfere, so stay in your office and let them handle the wrestling stuff. He promises that Nash will be here tonight to wrestle in Houston. As for Goldberg, the game is about to become deadly. Bret thinks it’s 4-0 Hitman over Goldberg so Goldberg can consider himself stopped.

That brings Bret to Sid, who will be destroyed even worse than his car. Jarrett rips on the town a bit as this segment just keeps going. Benoit is on for his Triple Threat Theater at Souled Out….and here are Sid and Benoit in the car with ball bats. This brings in Curt Hennig of all people to get beaten down by Benoit and Sid as the sacrificial lamb. Sid throws him onto the hood of the car.

Hennig is put in an ambulance after a break.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Harlem Heat vs. Midnight/Lash Leroux

What are the odds??? Booker and Lash get things going with Leroux getting two off a victory roll but walking into a Rock Bottom for the same. Stevie comes in and hammers Lash with a vengeance before slamming him down. Off to Midnight and it’s time for something resembling a showdown. Stevie runs Midnight over with a clothesline and looks away, leaving Midnight to nip up.

A snap suplex to Stevie is treated like Hogan slamming Andre and Booker tags himself in. Booker can’t bring himself to kick Midnight in the face and they do a very light sequence with Booker not wanting to hurt her. Midnight takes a backbreaker and Stevie is livid. He pulls out the slapjack and nails all three people in the match with Lash falling on Booker for the pin. That would be two matches with a weapon shot and brawling partners.

Rating: D-. Another storyline disguised as a match. I’m not sure why we needed to see yet another Harlem Heat split. More importantly than that though, this was a clear indication that we’re going to be sitting through wacky tag partners and screwy finishes for all eight matches tonight because that’s all Russo knows how to book. These sort of things can be done well with Starrcade 1991 as proof, but Russo isn’t good enough to figure out something as simple as “let them wrestle.”

The Scream mask guy attacks Chavo.

The Revolution is at the Washington Monument and Shane wants to ask an average American a history quiz. Shane rips on the guy for not knowing that it’s the anniversary of the Monument going up. I’m not sure what the point of this was supposed to be.

Some Power Plant students are in the front row. Chuck Palumbo, Elix Skipper, Mike Sanders and Reno among others are visible.

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Jerry Flynn

Flynn is in street clothes because it’s more realistic or something. No announcement or teasing a World Title match and it’s given the treatment that a TV Title match might receive. Tony announces Bill Busch deciding that the title can change hands on a DQ at Souled Out. Bret hammers him into the corner to start and runs the eyes across the top rope.

They head outside with Jerry whipping the champ into the barricade, drawing out Jarrett and Nash. Back in and Jerry fires off kicks in the corner but eats a DDT. Another spinning kick drops Bret but Nash distracts the referee, allowing Jarrett to come in with a ball bat to set up the Sharpshooter to retain the title.

Rating: F. Jerry Flynn in street clothes just gave Bret Hart a run for his money in a bad match with the NWO having to save the title in an unannounced match in the middle of the second hour of the show. This company really doesn’t have any idea what they’re doing do they?

Flynn gets the NWO treatment. He might have worn the street clothes so he doesn’t have any paint on his skin. The NWO leaves but Tank Abbott comes out and knocks Flynn out again. Your would be WCW World Champion a month from now people.

The Revolution is at the Library of Congress and Saturn pulls out his copy of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Nash is on the phone with Hall but theme music muffles the chat.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: PG-13 vs. Rick Steiner/Berlyn

PG-13 is wearing Houston Oilers jerseys (team that recently left town) and rap about how they don’t care if people don’t like them. Rick shakes his head to start as Berlyn spinwheel kicks Wolfie. Tony reads out the most beautiful announcement I’ve ever heard: Nitro returns to two hours next week. PG-13 double teams Berlyn and stomps him in the middle of the ring as I’m just waiting on the WACKY way someone will advance. Rick gets the hot tag and cleans house with Steiner Lines before planting both of them upside down on the buckles. Berlyn walks out and a belly to belly is enough to pin Wolfie.

Rick keeps beating them up and the decision is reversed. In other words, the newcomers are left laying but advance on a technicality. As stupid as WCW has become, it’s good to know that some things never change.

Saturn comes up to Duggan and says they’re teaming together tonight against Norman Smiley and Asya. Apparently it’s mutually beneficial if they win. Well yeah that’s normally how a tag match works. I can’t do this line justice, so here’s Saturn’s statement verbatim: “Besides, brother, as optically challenged as we are, there’s no way that jacked up hootchie or that sissy in a football uniform can blindside us if we stand side by side.” Again, Saturn is the best part of this show and fits in perfectly because he makes just as little sense as the booking.

The Revolution rants about the White House and Bill Clinton and kidnap a guy in a Clinton mask. Somehow this is more effective than their last few weeks of material.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Asya/Norman Smiley vs. Perry Saturn/Jim Duggan

Duggan’s family is at ringside as he beats up Saturn before the match starts. Norman gets in some easy shots, including the swinging slam. The spanking dance connects but Saturn breaks up the Big Wiggle with a suplex. Saturn slams him down and drops the top rope elbow onto the chest protector to hurt his own arm. Asya is tagged in and shoves Saturn from behind, followed by a low blow and clothesline. A superplex drops Saturn and Duggan drops a knee on his partner (complete with counting his own pin for reasons of dumb), allowing Norman to get the pin to advance.

Rating: D-. Can we go back to the part where the Powers That Be literally had the fourth wall broken and screw up everything in sight? I’m starting to think it might be easier to sit through than the night of the wacky tag team partners. This was another bad match with a screwy finish because that’s all we have here.

Duggan, the loser, brings his family in to celebrate.

US Title: Kidman vs. Jeff Jarrett

Kidman is challenging and gets jumped from behind to start. A hotshot stops Kidman’s comeback and the announcers ignore the match to talk about Triple Threat Theater. Jeff turns around and eats a Bodog and dropkick, only to catapult Kidman out to the floor to stop him again. Cue Nash and Hart because you think we can go a full half hour without the NWO? Kidman rolls through a high cross body for two but gets caught in a quick sleeper. Say it with me: Kidman reverses into one of his own for a few arm drops, followed by the BK Bomb for two.

That’s about it for the NWO not being the focus of the match though as Nash low bridges Kidman to the floor, only to have the Filthy Animals run in to lay out Jarrett with a crutch. It’s only good for two, but it draws one of the loudest reactions of the night. Jeff tries a powerbomb and gets the standard counter. Heenan: “I’ve never seen anything like that!” Kidman goes up top but takes a ball bat to the ankle, setting up the Stroke for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was one of the better matches of the night, but my goodness it’s ok to let a champion look strong instead of needing help all the time. It’s nowhere near as bad as the Jerry Flynn mess but at least let Jeff do his own cheating to win. Watchable match, partially due to getting some time, but it was too bogged down as usual.

Gene brings out Luger and Liz for a chat but Luger is dressed as Sting and comes out to Sting’s music. Luger imitates Sting and talks about how awesome Luger really is and how severe the beating Luger gave him was. The lights go out and come back on to show black roses in the ring. So yeah, this feud is CONTINUING.

Nash gives Hall directions over the phone.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Ron Harris/Don Harris vs. Meng/Fit Finlay

I’m not even going to bother calling this stupid. Finlay and Meng fight so the Twins, ever so brilliant, attack them both. Just let them beat each other up then pin the scraps. Why is that so complicated? A double big boot puts the hardcore guys on the floor and they fight until it’s a countout to advance the Twins. This was, again, a waste of time.

David Flair and Daffney call themselves Natural Born Killers. That was a disturbing movie.

Here’s 3 Count to pick things up. They do their dance but Vampiro comes in and cleans house. As luck would have it, he and Evan are up next.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Evan Karagias/Vampiro vs. David Flair/Maestro

Scratch that last team as Crowbar, who debuted last week, attacks Maestro in the aisle and takes his place. Sure why not. Ignore the fact that he worked at a gas station and has no wrestling license or training as far as WCW knows. Anyway he starts with a German suplex on Vampiro (good looking one too) before it’s off to David for a suplex (not so good looking one) of his own.

It’s so lame that Vampiro pops up and plants both psychos (yeah Vampiro is the sane one here) with a double DDT. A Rock Bottom to Crowbar allows Vampiro to make the hot tag to Evan, who is promptly knocked off the top and down onto Crowbar. Back inside with Vampiro “hitting” a top rope clothesline for two on David but the other 3 Count members get in to go after Vampiro. The partners implode but Vampiro fights both of them off with ease, setting up the Nail in the Coffin on David. No referee though as Crowbar nails Vampiro with a crowbar, giving David the pin.

Rating: F. This was the sixth match of eight tournament matches tonight and they’re now six for six in having at least one team implode. I know I say Russo only has a few ideas in different forms, but he’s done the same idea six times in less than three hours. Suddenly Oklahoma makes so much more sense.

3 Count loads up the song post match but Flair and Crowbar clean house. This brings out Lenny and Lodi as Standards and Practices, complete with the yet to be named Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) in a skirt shorter than your local vanilla midget. They promise to take Flair and Crowbar off TV if this violence keeps up. This of course earns them more violence.

Jarrett is told not to worry about Hall not being here yet.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Disco Inferno/Big Vito vs. Buff Bagwell/Chris Kanyon

The Italians have Johnny the Bull and Tony Marinara with them. Everyone but Disco head to the floor to start before Kanyon slides back in, earning him some knees to the back. A Russian legsweep drops Disco but Kanyon heads back outside to get the Italians away from the girls. Kanyon leaves with the girls to split up ANOTHER tag team. Buff fights back but Vito nails him with a great looking superkick to take over again. Disco gets caught in a neckbreaker but there’s no partner (Tony: “Chris Champion Kanyon”) to tag. Disco accidentally hits Vito with a chain, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin.

Rating: D-. They’re seven for seven in teams splitting and almost half have had a weapon spot. I would ask if this was the best they could do, but yes, this really is the best they can do: the same match over and over and over. In a weird way, I’m actually hoping they manage to do it again one more time in the last match because it would be one of the most amazing things ever to see them do the exact same plot point eight times in one night.

Buff gets laid out post match.

Here’s the NWO to say Hall isn’t here yet but his arrival is imminent. Nash asks for a brief delay to let him get here.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: The Wall/Sid Vicious vs. Outsiders

Remember that Sid and Wall seemed to form a friendship last week. Nash gets in on his own and does a Hogan shirt rip to start against Wall. Kevin slugs away but Wall punches him down and scores with a belly to back suplex. Wall hits a big boot but Bret nails him in the back with a bat to let Nash take over. Sid chases Bret and Wall is suddenly putting Nash in a chinlock. He no sold a ball bat shot from the World Champion? Sid comes in and shoves the referee down before cleaning house, only to have Bret nail Wall with the bat for the pin to advance Nash.

Rating: F. He no sold a baseball bat shot. A shot from Liz put Sting out for months but Wall is back on offense fifteen seconds later? How can anyone actually think that’s acceptable? This was more NWO interference dominating the entire match with no one having a chance against the heel stable. And now I’m disappointed with the lack of the partners fighting. I was looking forward to that.

Benoit comes in to save Sid from a powerbomb but here comes a limping Scott Steiner (presumably the Scott that Nash has been meaning all night. I was hoping for Riggs) with a ball bat of his own….and of course he’s NWO because what else would he be? As usual, there’s no value to a scam that was set up and paid off in the span of two hours. NWO propaganda falls from the ceiling and an NWO banner is lowered. Sid car is brought out and Sid is put in the back. They drive him to the back where the monster truck crushes the car to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Somehow, this is miles better than last week’s show. The wrestling was nothing special (Kidman vs. Jarrett was decent before it fell apart), the booking has been covered already, the ending was stupid, and this whole show was a mess. You can tell Russo has lost some authority though and that’s the best thing that could possibly happen to this company.

That’s it for WCW in 1999 and I don’t think there’s a need to explain all of the disasters in this company over the year. Here’s the most telling part though: the Fingerpoke of Doom is looking more and more like a high point every day. I’ll leave you with this: I’m fairly certain I’m right when I say this was the worst calendar year in the history of any wrestling promotion ever.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

When we last left WCW, they were the undisputed kings of the Monday Night Wars and that’s certainly still the case as they come into 1998. Things were so good that they decided to more than double the amount of television they were airing per week. To say this might have been too much too soon is an understatement but WCW had done stupider stuff before.

In this book, I’ll be looking at every episode of Monday Nitro and Thunder from January through June of 1998. This is the time where the Monday Night Wars finally started to get competitive again after nearly two years of being completely one sided. Having two shows a week was a fresh idea as well, making this a very important time in wrestling history. As usual I’ll be providing play by play, historical context and analysis of every show.

Also remember that I’ve already covered 1995-1997 Monday Nitro in case you don’t want to jump right into the later stuff. Both books are available from my Amazon author page.

The books runs over 300 pages on a Kindle and only costs $3.99, or the equivalent in other currencies. If you don’t have a Kindle or e-book reader, there are several FREE apps you can use to read it on pretty much any electronic device. You can find those from Amazon here.

You can pick up the book from Amazon here.

From the UK Amazon here.

From the Canadian Amazon here.

Or if you’re in another country with its own Amazon page, just search “KB Nitro 1998” and my book will be the first thing that pop up.

Also you can still get any of my previous books on the WWE Championship, Monday Night Raw from 1998 and 2001, Monday Nitro from 1995-97, In Your House, Summerslam, Starrcade, ECW Pay Per Views, Royal Rumble, Saturday Night’s Main Event, the WWF and WCW pay per views from 1998 and Clash of the Champions at my author’s page here.

I hope you like it and shoot me any questions you might have.

KB

Monday Nitro #219
Date: December 20, 1999
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 8,915
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re just past Starrcade and……I have no idea what we’re supposed to do now actually. Bret is still World Champion, Sting is out of action again and the rest of the show was pretty much a big waste of time with short matches that went nowhere or that only Russo and company care about. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Piper calling for the bell on Goldberg to end the title match against Bret. Yes, that’s their big idea: Montreal part 58.

So you might be asking how the big fallout show starts. After last night, we’re ready to start on the new road forward for WCW. I promise, I’m not making this up. This is really how this show began.

Here are Madusa and Spice for a chat. Madusa brags about being the first female Cruiserweight Champion and how the women of WCW are taking over with their T&A. Right now she wants any man in the back to come out here so she can neuter him. As luck would have it, Buzzkill is in the crowd campaigning for equal rights, so Madusa calls him to the ring for a title match right now.

Cruiserweight Title: Madusa vs. Buzzkill

Madusa takes the sign and blasts Buzzkill in the head, followed by the missile dropkick for two. The German suplex is blocked though and Buzzkill dropkicks her down. The Russian legsweep should have the title won (because it’s a Russian legsweep) but Spice has the referee. In the distract, Spice throws in a foreign object and Madusa knocks Buzzkill silly, setting up the German suplex to retain.

I need a minute here. After last night’s disaster of a Starrcade, Vince Russo, the man who actually takes credit for the Attitude Era, decided that the big idea was to open Nitro with a match between a comedy character and Madusa, who is flat out saying she has one of the most popular titles (well at least it used to be) in the company because of how she looks. That’s their big way to open the post-Starrcade Nitro. Imagine if the night after Rollins cashed in Money in the Bank or after Bryan overcame the Authority, we opened with a Nikki Bella promo and match. That’s basically what they did here and it’s making my head hurt.

The announcers talk about Goldberg getting screwed last night. I’ll set the over/under for use of that word in this story at about 6,000.

Russo tells Curt Hennig to get rid of Hugh Morrus tonight. Why Russo has issues with Morrus isn’t clear, but I’d bet it’s a nuance of a plot point that I missed in Russo’s 19 segments a night. Creative Control is sent to find Piper.

Speaking of Piper, he arrives with his assistant and son because of reasons I don’t want to be told. The kid tapes Piper’s wrists and Creative Control comes to collect him.

Hugh Morrus vs. Curt Hennig

Before we get started, it’s time for an another angle that no one will care about but we need to force it in there anyway. This time it’s Shane being beaten down by a guy in a Scream mask with what looks like a pipe. As for the match, here’s Tony’s take on it: “I’ve never been so confused coming out of a WCW pay per view.” I can’t believe I’m saying this, but preach it Tony. Morrus slugs Hennig into the corner to start as the announcers don’t explain Hugh’s issues with the Powers That Be, likely because they don’t exist.

After a big running splash in the corner, Morrus gets distracted by some old guy in a hospital gown who wanders from the crowd to the ramp. For the love of……JUST HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH! Morrus goes outside and helps the man he calls Pop to the ramp so he stays out of harms’ way. Hennig gets in a few shots as Pop comes back down to ringside. In the distraction, Hennig hits the PerfectPlex for the pin.

Rating: D-. I would ask why this is happening and what this is supposed to mean, but I really, really don’t care. Hugh Morrus is getting a story now? Apparently about his father who just wanders around ringside after leaving a hospital? As usual, Russo doesn’t get that you have to make us care about a person before you just throw them into a story that makes no sense on the surface. I don’t care about Hugh Morrus because he’s never done anything worth caring about. Therefore, I don’t care about his Pop or whatever they’re doing with him. Again, just let them wrestle and THEN come up with a story.

Pop checks on his son, who is still down after a devastating suplex.

Piper is in Russo’s office where Russo talks about Piper making some sort of deal with the devil, meaning Piper can’t touch Russo. It’s not over though because Piper has to go out there and tell everyone that he sold out and that Russo had nothing to do with it. So who did he sell out to if Russo wasn’t involved? That question is immediately wiped from my memory as Russo says that Piper will take his heat. Piper talks about going out there to “shoot on the marks” and how he and Hogan built this sport. The audio screws up so I can’t hear the rest of it but do I really need to?

So to recap: Russo is the mastermind behind screwing Goldberg out of the title and gave Piper something in return for ending the title match last night and now Piper has to go and take the rap for it. This is going to be a SHOOT, because all those times where Piper was evil and made his big name were just him acting and we should believe how much he cares for wrestling? Can we go back to Hugh and Pop?

And now, a word from Tony Schiavone about how Vince McMahon screwed Bret Hart out of the WCW Title. Russo worked for McMahon at that time, so rumors are speculating that Russo scripted the ending to that match. I don’t even know how to respond to that so we’ll move on to Tony talking about how Kevin Nash is defending Goldberg in the locker room. You know, the SHOOT locker room.

This brings out Kevin Nash, who talks about living by a code in wrestling. There are certain rules you have to live by no matter what happens. Yes people, KEVIN NASH is talking about ethics in wrestling. Just go with it and maybe it’ll be over soon. There are two groups of people behind the curtain: the boys and the office. The boys are all a fraternity and the office doesn’t care about any of them. Nash doesn’t care about Goldberg, but what happened last night was…..a word they don’t actually censor. TV-14 it is I suppose. Hart screwed one of the boys and now he has to pay.

Creative Control says Nash is the biggest politician in the locker room. So yeah, it’s clearly a big worked shoot (in case it wasn’t obvious before) and the audience, after sitting through Madusa vs. Buzzkill and Hennig vs. Morrus/Pop gets to hear a lot of stuff that is probably going over their collective heads while Russo jerks off to this nonsense because it makes him feel so much smarter than everyone else. I understand what they’re talking about and it’s just so dumb.

Tank Abbott vs. Jerry Flynn

No holds barred of course. They trade slaps/punches before shoving the referee, drawing out security to break it up. Flynn is put in handcuffs and Tank knocks him out cold. This didn’t last a minute and the fans are rightfully booing it out of the building.

Goldberg arrives.

Here’s the Revolution for what is actually the most interesting part of the show so far. Douglas talks about how the Revolution was proven right at Starrcade, but we pause for a word from Saturn about Tootsie Pops. He calls out Jim Duggan to denounce America, but Jim doesn’t want to do it. Instead, Duggan says he lied and gets beaten down. The Revolution goes to burn the American flag but the Filthy Animals (minus Eddie) return for the save. Great. It’s this feud again. Shane’s look of shock when the Animals came out (walking at about half a mile an hour) is great.

Here’s Piper for his big explanation as Goldberg and Hart watch from backstage. Piper lists off some of the evil things he’s done in the past before going into a mini rant against Russo’s writing. Couldn’t they just call it like, match making? Anyway, Piper knows people just want to see the wrestlers fight. After listing off his accomplishments from the 80s, Piper says he’s a real fighting and quits. His son comes out to walk to the back with him, but Goldberg comes out to block their way.

Goldberg has stayed up all night trying to make sense of this (now THAT is probably a shoot comment). He’s looked up to a few guys all his life and until last night Piper was on that list. Piper made the wrong decision last night but Goldberg doesn’t think Piper would ever sell out. Roddy apologizes and things seem to be a bit better until Bret comes out to pick it up all over again. As far as he’s concerned, there’s no point in blaming Piper and the title is vacant. Bret goes to the back to tell the Powers That Be what they can do with their title. Keep shooting people. You’ll hit something eventually, though it’s likely your own foot.

Post break, Hart yells at Russo, but the boss says that was an attempt at making up for Montreal. Yes seriously, THAT’S THEIR BIG STORY. Bret throws the belt at Russo so he makes Hart vs. Goldberg for tonight. Nice to see them continue their tradition of airing the same match the night after Starrcade. I mean, it’s gone so well before.

Meng/Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay/Brian Knobbs

Hardcore of course. So why would Meng want to team with Smiley here? My question is quickly answered as Meng goes after Smiley before their opponents come out. Knobbs and Finlay come out to watch as the announcers try to explain the psychology. Apparently Knobbs and Finlay want Norman to keep the Hardcore Title so they can take it from him with less of a fight.

Therefore, we’re supposed to ignore the two of them knocking Smiley out cold with a pipe so Norman could pin him with one hand last night, proving that they could beat Meng with ease. As for the match, Norman gets chased through the crowd, objects are thrown, a bathroom is invaded, Norman’s head is put in a toilet and Knobbs gets the pin.

Rating: F. We’re over an hour into this show and this is the second best match of the night so far. I’m not sure if it’s good or horribly stupid that they’re trying to add psychology to this division. Yeah there’s an idea to it, but the idea is stupid. The joke isn’t funny though and Meng was just kind of there most of the “match” as everyone else was “fighting.”

Piper tells his kid to wait in the limo and gets a ball bat.

Video of the Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea’s recording session where he doesn’t actually sing. Somehow this sounds like one of the more logical things on the show.

Hart is walking and runs into Piper. Bret tries to talk but Piper is back to babbling to himself.

Maestro vs. Evan Karagias

It’s a flashback to the NWO days as the announcers ignore what’s going on in the ring to talk about the backstage stuff. Maestro runs him over to start but Evan hits a springboard spinning cross body. Evan rains down right hands in the corner until he gets dropped throat first across the top rope. We get a bit of a tease as Maestro loads up a chinlock but slaps Evan in the face with both hands instead.

The announcers talk about Montreal with Tony saying it’s unbelievable that Russo wants to make up with Hart. Evan fights up and counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb. Symphony gets shoved onto the apron but Evan has a quick change of heart to check on her. The distraction lets Maestro hit a knee to the back for the pin. Symphony is of course fine. Tony: “She sold that knee.”

Rating: D. Total mentions of Evan losing the title last night: zero. Then again it’s fairly clear that there’s no future to the title so losing the belt might have been the best thing possible for Evan. Maestro and Symphony are a nothing pairing but at least they’re not victims of a stalker anymore.

Piper literally destroys the Powers That Be’s office. Piper: “How about Adrian Adonis and Gorilla Monsoon?” And yes, he breaks the fourth wall.

Chavo Guerrero tries to sell Evan a book on how to pick up chicks. Thankfully, this ends in a beating.

Chris Kanyon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Kanyon says this isn’t Hollywood and talks about destroying the Triad. Bigelow and Page come out and double team him with Page hitting a Rock Bottom and Bigelow adding a headbutt. A clothesline and another headbutt have Kanyon reeling but Page and Bigelow argue about which finisher should end Kanyon. Page offers a handshake but pulls Bigelow into a Diamond Cutter. It’s angle time though as Page drops to the floor, kisses a fan, and leaves. J. Biggs throws Kanyon a briefcase but the referee cuts him off, allowing Kanyon to hit Bigelow with a champagne bottle for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. They spent the entire summer building up the Triad and then the blowoff (I guess?) match takes four minutes with no announcement on a Nitro? Sounds appropriate to me. At least Kanyon has a new character and he’s getting as close as he can to thriving in it.

Bigelow is busted way open and Kanyon is bleeding from the hand. Were they stupid enough to use a real bottle???

Creative Control vs. Kevin Nash

There’s no referee so I don’t think this is a match. Actually that makes sense given how things worked earlier. Hall accompanies Nash on crutches. Since this isn’t a match (no bell), the twins tag. Nash slugs away at Patrick in the corner and kicks Gerald in the face as the tagging part is already done.

The numbers catch up with Nash and Gerald takes him down for a cover but there’s no referee. Heenan praises Nash for having the guts to say what he said earlier in the night. They start going after Kevin’s knee and the tagging starts up again. Hall gets bored and comes inside for some crutch shots to the twins. Creative Control walks out to end whatever this was.

Luger and Liz are amused at Sting having a broken jaw. Why they’re in the rafters and why Luger is dressed as Sting isn’t clear but I don’t think I want to know.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett

Another ladder match with Benoit defending because there’s no reason not to do it again twenty four hours later. At least it was good last night so maybe it works again here. They slug it out to start and Benoit takes over with a pair of dropkicks. Benoit ties him in the Tree of Woe for a running dropkick but Jeff crotches him against the post to take over. Back up and Benoit is the first to the ladder but he has to side step the baseball slide.

Benoit throws him into the chair in the corner before nailing the back and knee with the same chair. Jeff stays on the floor and holds his leg as Benoit breaks the ladder by stepping on the rungs. Tony: “Someone has gimmicked this ladder!” Tenay: “You know who it is!” Heenan: “Kidman?” The other side’s rungs break as well and it’s a guitar shot to Benoit as Jeff’s leg is fine. He grabs a fresh ladder and wins the title because SCREW YOU BENOIT FANS! YOU’RE GETTING JARRETT WHETHER YOU CARE OR NOT!

Rating: D+. They said the word gimmick for the ladder about ten times in two minutes near the end as the levels of obnoxiousness get higher and higher every single week. Benoit winning the title last night and being in the main event of a pay per view last month already seem to be nothing but memories.

After a bunch of replays, Curt Hennig tells Jarrett that the Powers That Be need to see him.

Sid Vicious vs. The Wall

Sid kicks him in the face to start and takes it outside for some right hands to Wall’s face. Back in and Wall hits him right back, only to eat a chokeslam. Cue Berlyn for a distraction, allowing Wall to load up a chokeslam of his own. Not that it matters as Berlyn missile dropkicks Wall for the DQ.

Sid powerbombs Berlyn and shakes Wall’s hand to complete the face turn.

Russo tells Jarrett that it’s going to happen tonight.

Disco offers to pay the mafia but Tony Marinara’s dad tells him he can join the Family or spend the rest of his life in a coma.

Harlem Heat vs. Varsity Club

Rotundo/Steiner here with Sullivan on commentary, where he spends the whole match referring to Rick as Robbie (Rick’s real name) because SHOOTING IS COOL AND HIP AND MAKES US SMARTER THAN YOU SO HA! Stevie quickly runs Rotundo over to start before it’s off to the partners. Booker kicks him in the face a few times but it’s too much to ask Steiner to sell so it’s a big clothesline to put Booker on the floor. Things get a bit confusing as the Varsity Club decides they’re the Freebirds (they’re from the right time period) and start changing places with Rotundo going to commentary.

That lasts all of eight seconds before Mike runs back in and misses a charge, allowing Booker to plant him with a Rock Bottom. Stevie comes in off the hot tag and cleans house but there go the lights because it’s Midnight. Ever the genius, Stevie yells at her, allowing Mike to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: D. More mindless brawling here with Booker doing everything he could to make it a match. I still have no idea why the Varsity Club is back as Rick was the only one doing anything, even though he’s one of the least likeable people on the roster. I’ll give them this though: at least this felt like a match, even with the screwy ending.

PG-13 runs in and attacks the Varsity Club. They can’t be serious.

The yet to be named Daffney is getting a Surge when the Misfits come up to hit on her. For reasons of crazy, she knees Jerry Only low and runs off.

Here’s David Flair for a chat but he beats up David Penzer first. Flair calls out Vampiro, who says he has no problem with David. Vampiro yells at Daffney but eats a crowbar shot. Jerry Only comes out and takes a beating as well, leaving David and Daffney to kiss.

Buff Bagwell comes out with something to say. He’s had a good career in WCW but now he wants some gold around his waist. Gene goes way out in right field and asks about rumors regarding Bagwell and Kimberly Page. Buff pushes the mic away and whispers to Gene, but Okerlund says that sounds like an admission of guilt. Bagwell admits that Kimberly is a knockout and if Page wasn’t a factor, he would, and I quote, “put his stuff all over Kim.” He mentions his bed and Page comes out to jump Bagwell.

Piper says goodbye to the locker room and calls Sid a kid. He rambles on about how hard wrestling has been on him and wants the boys to fight back against the Powers That Be.

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Goldberg

The title is officially vacant coming in and Jeff Jarrett is watching on a monitor in the back. Goldberg hammers him in the face to start and chokes with a boot in the corner. They head outside with Goldberg hammering away even more as Bret has been on defense almost all match. Back in and a powerslam drops Hart but he grabs the ropes to break up a leg lock.

Bret starts going after the leg with kicks to the knee before wrapping it around the ropes. The referee goes down because of course he does and Bret slaps on the Figure Four. Cue the Outsiders with ball bats to beat up Goldberg. Bret lets go of the hold and beats on Goldberg as well so Piper comes back to try and protect Goldberg as the referee calls for the bell. There was a cover in there somewhere and Bret has won the title.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with spraypaint and……THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER! Bret tries to say something but his mic doesn’t work. Everyone celebrates with their new titles to end the show.

Overall Rating: W. That’s W for waste. I’ve watched a lot of wrestling shows in my day (upwards of 4,000 last I checked). In the course of my time as a fan, I don’t remember a show that felt like a waste of my time. That has changed after this show. I can live with a show where nothing happens. I can live with a show full of bad matches. I can live with a show where the company loses its way for a night.

That’s not what happened on this show. This show was about eliminating every single concept and idea of logic and common sense from what used to be World Championship Wrestling. I’m not going to go into the long, long list of things this show did that made no sense, as A, I don’t have that much memory on this computer and B, I don’t think my blood pressure can take it.

Let’s sum up the major flaw in logic on this show. The idea is that Russo and company are in charge of booking the show and have turned it into a shoot. Ignoring how absolutely stupid that is to point out (from a kayfabe perspective, wrestling is always supposed to be a shoot), let’s go with Russo’s theory (I’ll ask for forgiveness later). Let’s say that Russo has complete authority and is writing himself into this position.

If that’s the case, why have any of his guys ever lost a match and why did we need some big conspiracy? Why didn’t Russo just book his boys on top the second he debuted? Why are we having some big conspiracy with Jarrett having to win the title back? Why am I supposed to believe anything that happens if Russo is just in charge of the whole thing? Did he book Nash to fight back against his authority or is Nash going into business for himself?

I get that it’s what Russo is going for, but it leaves so many ridiculous holes in the story and makes the whole thing so completely illogical that you can’t buy into anything going on in this company. Ninety percent of the show is scripted but THIS RIGHT HERE is real? Why should I believe that? At the end of the day, this is wrestling. I shouldn’t need a scorecard and a flow chart to keep track of what’s going on, nor should I have to hear all these insider terms. This is the definition of too much going on and making things way too complicated.

This stopped being wrestling and became Russo having fun and deciding to make this show his big personal playground. He’s removed logic and common sense from this show in order to turn it into some insider fest. I know I say this a lot, but I literally do not think it can get worse than this. They’ve taken away any the basic core principles of wrestling and made this a B movie. There is however one bright spot to this whole mess: Jim Cornette suddenly makes so much more sense to me.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UYAMB8U

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6