Impact Wrestling
Date: September 14, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

We’re closing in on Bound For Glory though nothing has actually been mentioned about the show yet. The big match this week is OVE vs. LAX for the Tag Team Titles….from the Crash in Tijuana, Mexico. In other words, it’s more footage from another promotion instead of here at Impact Wrestling. This is starting to feel like Ring of Honor and that’s really not a good thing. Let’s get to it.

Lashley and American Top Team arrive and beat up a backstage guy.

Quick video on Johnny Impact vs. Low Ki for the #1 contendership.

Opening sequence.

Garza Jr. vs. Braxton Sutter

Fallout from Sutter talking to Allie last week. Sutter headlocks him to start but stops to let Garza take off his shirt. A slam gives Garza two, followed by a sunset flip out of the corner for the same. Sutter gets two off a powerslam but again stops so Garza can take off his pants, but not before blowing a kiss to Allie. Her jaw drops as the pants come off and Garza superkicks Sutter for good measure. A powerbomb gives Sutter three straight near falls but he gets superkicked for a second time. Garza adds a Lionsault (minus the running start) for the pin at 4:53.

Rating: D+. So the story now is about Garza hitting on Allie and Allie causing Sutter problems. That’s quite the shame as they seem to be teasing a breakup here, despite the two of them being such an awesome team just a few months ago. Allie is incredibly talented and it’s kind of a shame that she’s been relegated to a really standard story instead of letting the two of them run with what they had earlier in the year.

Post match Sutter yells at her but then apologizes. Allie doesn’t seem to accept it at first but eventually leaves with him.

Grand Championship: Ethan Carter III vs. El Hijo de Fantasma

Carter is defending and gets a decisively face pop. Hector Guerrero is one of the judges and Josh accuses him of being biased. Fantasma is forced into the corner to start but comes right back with an armbar to slow things down. Naturally the announcers talk about Lashley and MMA because that’s what this wrestling show is now about. Some chops get Carter out of trouble and he drops an elbow for two. The TK3 connects but sends Fantasma to the floor as the round ends.

Round one goes to Carter so Fantasma starts round two in a hurry. A right hand puts him back down though and the pace slows again. Fantasma jumps over him in the corner and snaps off a hurricanrana. A jumping knee to the face sets up running knees in the corner as Carter is rocked. Fantasma gets two off a top rope hurricanrana and frog splash. The 1%er is broken up and it’s a surfboard hold to take us to the end of round two.

Fantasma wins to tie things up and we take a break before the third fall. Back with Carter powerbombing him twice for another near fall and both guys being a bit spent. A slugout goes to Fantasma but Carter flips out of a Fujiwara armbar. Another TK3 gets two but Fantasma sends him outside for a suicide dive. Back in and a hanging 1%er plants Fantasma as the time expires at 9:00. Carter wins via split decision.

Rating: B-. Good match, and another great example of one that completely doesn’t need the round thing. It’s a good enough match and they were beating each other up but it was really hard to buy the near falls when they just love these judges’ rulings. I liked the match enough but this just needs to be the TV Title again with this whole nonsense dropped.

Post match Fantasma gets in a shoving match with Hector, who was the deciding vote. That dies down and it’s Pagano debuting (in a very weak moment) to beat Carter down. Eddie Edwards runs in for the save, which Carter doesn’t seem to care for.

We go to Mexico where Homicide reunites with LAX. They hit a club and Konnan says the fix is in because they’ve paid off the referee and gives OVE tainted water.

Tag Team Titles: Ultimo Maldito/Hijo de Pirate Morgan vs. Black Boy/Arkangel Davino vs. LAX vs. OVE

Don’t know who these guys are? Well that’s just your fault because you didn’t do your homework by watching a promotion from Mexico to study up on things. Jeremy says one of their names is Black Diamond but when I looked up some of the names to see how they were spelled, it was listed as Black Boy. Much like the matches during the Hardys’ World Tour, this is a bunch of clips instead of the full match. There are some good looking dives and near falls, followed by what seems to be a three count but the referee is pulled out. Homicide adds a Gringo Killer and LAX retains after less than three minutes shown.

We see OVE going up to I believe the Crash locker room and Konnan says that’s like signing your death certificate.

Grado vs. ???

Grado is leaving due to visa issues and wanted one more match. The Wee Boot gives him the pin at 47 seconds.

Post match Grado says he’s leaving on a coach flight at 10am but he wanted to perform in front of the best fans in the world one more time. Joseph Park interrupts and he has a surprise. He’s going to be sponsoring Grado’s visa so Grado can stay! Park is going to be his agent it seems, promising him booking, in-ring Polaroid shoots and podcast appearances.

Johnny Impact says Low Ki is a dream opponent and tonight, Low Ki goes to Slam Town.

Lashley and American Top Team goes in to see Jim Cornette and demands his release. Cornette grants it but the fighters have to leave, but before Lashley leaves he wants him to face Moose one on one.

X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt vs. Trevor Lee

Dutt is defending and this is falls count anywhere. Lee gets two on the floor off a baseball slide but Dutt sends him into the barricade for a breather. They head inside for the first time with Lee kicking him in the face, only to get dropped again. Dutt throws in a chair but Lee throws it right back out.

They hit kicks to the head at the same time for a double knockdown. Why there’s no count when Dutt’s leg is over Lee isn’t clear, but I’d guess it’s because that’s not in the script and the referee doesn’t know any better. Dutt’s tornado DDT plants Lee but a superplex plants Dutt just as fast. They head outside again with Lee throwing a chair at his head before fighting into the crowd.

We take a break (of course we do) and come back with the fight heading into the back. Caleb Konley jumps Dutt, because falls count anywhere now means No DQ. A trashcan to the head gives Lee two but heel miscommunication lets him get a breather. Dutt is busted open and it’s time to hit Lee in the head with a trashcan lid. A tornado DDT off the wall is countered with a crotching onto a barricade and Lee rolls him up (with tights) for the pin and the title at 13:57.

Rating: C+. It never ceases to amaze me how much they’ve sucked the soul out of this division. This was a fast paced match and I couldn’t bring myself to care about it no matter how hard I tried. It’s just not interesting no matter how hard they try (and the wrestlers are trying) and so much of that is due to how worthless the X-Division is now. They’re treated like an afterthought and have been for years now. Why would I care if the company doesn’t?

American Top Team beats up Richard Justice for general purposes.

Clip of Global Forged, GFW’s version of Tough Enough/Breaking Ground.

Taya Valkyrie vs. Amber Nova

Taya slams her down to start and sends Amber into the corner. A raised boot in the corner staggers Taya as JB mentions Bound For Glory, perhaps for the first time. Taya gets two off a sitout powerbomb and pulls Amber up before three. A double chickenwing facebuster (Beth Phoenix’s Glam Slam) ends Nova at 1:20.

Eli Drake and Chris Adonis smell desperation from the people trying to reach his level with their little T-Rex arms. Drake has spotted two marks in the main event and he’ll be watching.

Johnny Impact vs. Low Ki

The winner faces Drake at Victory Road, whenever that is. Ki tries some shots to the face but gets swatted away as they seem to have a lot of time here. They hit the mat for some grappling before Impact blocks a kick and grabs a dragon sleeper over the ropes. We take a break and come back with Impact fighting out of an abdominal stretch and kicking Ki down.

The breakdancing legdrop gets two and Ki is placed on the middle rope for a sliding German suplex (cool). Impact’s split legged moonsault is broken up though with Ki grabbing a hanging dragon sleeper. The Flying Chuck puts Ki down but he comes back with a shotgun dropkick into the corner. Back up and Ki crotches himself while trying the Warrior’s Way, setting up Starship Pain to give Impact the title shot at 11:14.

Rating: C. Hopefully that’s it for Low Ki as I’m sick of his stupid ultra serious yet still paying homage to/ripping off a video game look. At least he’s toned down the kicks a bit and learned to do something else for a change. Impact winning was obvious and at least they didn’t have the match go on twenty minutes for the sake of going on twenty minutes.

Post match Adonis sneaks in to put Impact in the Adonis Lock. Drake comes out to add the Gravy Train.

Lashley tells Cornette to watch what’s about to happen to Moose.

Taya yells at Karen Jarrett and tells her to pay attention to what happens in that ring.

Here’s Lashley as this show’s run time has been extended to approximately nineteen hours. Lashley talks about being forced to choose between wrestling and MMA, even though he’s doing pretty well at both. American Top Team has been begging him to come there full time and win that “mixed martial arts heavyweight championship”. He’s going back to MMA full time but first, he wants to call out Moose. The announcers are surprised by this, despite seeing what Cornette said and mentioning it during the show.

Moose comes out and immediately punches him in the jaw, only to get clotheslined to the floor. A powerbomb on the floor keeps Moose in trouble but he cuts off the spar with a boot. They fight into the crowd because this needs to fill in more time. This just keeps going as they head into the back with the announcers continuing to name drop Dan Lambert every chance they have.

A neckbreaker drops Moose on the apron as the announcers talk about how Lashley leaving might cost them their Christmas bonuses. Moose kicks him down and hits a spear at ringside. They get back inside and of course here are the MMA guys to beat Moose down to end the show after a nearly seven minute brawl.

Overall Rating: D. This show felt as long as Wrestlemania and my goodness we’ve got how many weeks left in this taping cycle? I don’t even know where to begin on what was wrong with this show. Above all else though, it’s the same problem I have watching Ring of Honor when they’re in their New Japan phases: I don’t watch the show to see other promotions. I watch it to see GFW, not whatever other promotion they can fit in this week. Last week it was twenty minutes of AAA and this week it’s the other AAA guys plus the Crash.

If that’s not enough, the big story, with the last segment of the show and a lot of time, is still the MMA stuff. Combine that with all the international material and it feels like A, GFW doesn’t have enough content of its own to fill two hours a week or B, they don’t think their own stuff is good enough. It’s like they keep having to show you something else to entertain you instead of paying attention to what they have and that gets very, very old in a hurry.

The wrestling is decent at best, the stories are dreadful, the talent isn’t all that great and the focus is all over the place. It’s such a mess anymore and I have a feeling this is going to be how things go all the way to Bound For Glory in November. The worst part is that the show wasn’t completely terrible but rather just exceedingly boring. Nothing caught my attention and almost nothing felt special. It’s just stuff going on for two hours with a bunch of segments and matches that you might like. Not a good show, but much worse, not a good sign for the weeks to come.

Results

Garza Jr. b. Braxton Sutter – Middle rope moonsault

Ethan Carter III b. Hijo de Fantasma via split decision

Grado b. ??? – Wee boot

Trevor Lee b. Sonjay Dutt – Rollup with a handful of tights

Taya Valkyrie b. Amber Nova – Double chickenwing facebuster

Johnny Impact b. Low Ki – Starship Pain

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 3, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

The battle for Mexican pride continues as Alberto El Patron’s feud with LAX is still going. Last week saw the Veterans of War save El Patron from a post match beatdown, because he just wasn’t beating the group badly enough yet. I’m really not sure what the end game of this is but LAX could use a top guy in a hurry. Let’s get to it.

Konnan promises a new member of LAX tonight and says there’s a new level of violence coming.

Long recap of the Super X Cup as tonight will see the finals set.

Super X Cup Semifinals: Dezmond Xavier vs. Dragon

They run the ropes to start with Drago hitting a dropkick for two. Back up and both guys miss a few strikes until Xavier grabs a running hurricanrana for two of his own. Drago sends him outside for a suicide dive and we take a break. We come back with both guys hitting kicks to the head to put both of them down.

Back up and it’s another double knockdown, followed by Desmond picking things WAY up and headscissoring him out to the floor for a bit flip dive. Drago hits a superkick back inside, followed by a top rope Orton DDT for two. A Batista Bomb gives Drago the same and stereo strikes put both guys down again. Back up and Drago gets two off a rollup, only to have Xavier hit a 619 around the post. The Final Flash sends Xavier to the finals at 15:18.

Rating: C+. I’m trying so hard to make myself care about this tournament and it’s just not happening. This is little more than a collection of guys you’ve probably heard of if you follow the independent circuit having a tournament for the sake of having a tournament. The matches are certainly watchable but I have no interest in any of these people because all I know about them is the following: “HI! My name is *insert name here*. I’m going to prove that I’m the best X-Division wrestler in the world. The Super X Cup is really important.” Repeat every time one of them has a match.

Ethan Carter III says he’s a hot commodity and is ready to win the Grand Championship because he’s in Moose’s head. He’ll win no matter what stupid judges he has to deal with, even if it’s Bruce Prichard.

We recap Bobby Lashley vs. Matt Sydal, who meet at Destination X.

The Patron family is ready to face LAX tonight but Alberto thinks one of them might join the team. Alberto thinks that his brother might have turned as he and Konnan are friends. An argument breaks out so here’s Karen Jarrett to say family is important. Bruce comes in to say he’s got this and asks to talk to Karen alone.

Mumbai Cat vs. Trevor Lee

Lee is still wrestling in the belt. Cat is sent outside early on and we get a switch with another masked man who was underneath the ring. The second Cat (let’s call him Sonjay, just for a name) takes Lee down with some clotheslines and a superkick, followed by a tornado DDT. The top rope splash ends Lee at 1:38.

Of course it’s Sonjay and here’s Bruce to complain (and to get his quota of screen time). Sonjay tells him to hang on and says he’s still the champ. We’ll have a ladder match for the title in two weeks at Destination X.

Video on Lashley’s MMA training.

Joseph Park tells Grado to focus on his match tonight and he’ll have Laurel Van Ness ready for the wedding later. His grandmother told him something he’ll never forget for situations like this. He can’t come up with it right off hand but it was great.

Eli Drake vs. Eddie Edwards

Hang on as Eddie has been attacked by Kongo Kong. No match.

Post break Laurel is shouting at Kong as he beats up Richard Justice (the designated wrestler from last week).

Grand Championship: Ethan Carter III vs. Moose

Moose is defending and Bruce Prichard, Scott D’Amore and Dutch Mantel are the judges. Some early chops and a toss across the ring have Ethan in early trouble but Moose misses a charge into the steps. Carter hammers away and tells Bruce to SCORE THAT. Back in and Carter sits down on Moose’s back as the first round ends. Carter wins the first round and sends Moose face first into the apron to start round two.

We hit a quickly broken chinlock before Moose fights up with the running charges in the corner. A hesitation dropkick has Carter reeling and the round ends. Moose wins round two and after a break, throws Carter to the floor to start the third round. A bicycle kick gives Moose two and a Low Down from the corner gets the same. Neither finisher can hit but the second attempt at the 1%er connects for two.

Moose blocks the ECD and hits a sitout chokeslam as time expires at 9:00. Carter wins via split decision (two ties) with Prichard giving him the winning vote with a score of 10-8. This is billed as controversial, which is true considering Moose dominated the third round save for the 1%er.

Rating: D+. Basically this match existed to push the fact that Bruce Prichard is a corrupt boss. Prichard is on this show more than anyone not named Alberto or LAX and he’s just not that interesting. He’s a guy with a podcast who plays a completely generic corporate character, which isn’t interesting in the first place as it’s been done to death.

OVE (the Crist Brothers) debut at Destination X.

KM/Mario Bokara/Fallah Bahh vs. Suicide/Braxton Sutter/Grado

International six man tag, meaning “here’s a bunch of people to fill time”. The bad guys are knocked into the corner and it’s time for some dancing. Bahh’s bare feet take a few stomps to send him outside but the dive is broken up. Back in and Bahh rolls over Grado but Grado slugs away for his comeback. Everything breaks down and Grado school boys KM for the pin at 3:41.

Rating: D. So that happened. Really, I’m not sure what there is to say here. There’s little story aside from Sutter slowly turning and the Grado comedy shtick. The wrestling barely existed as we had to get in all the goofy spots and really made this feel like filler. I mean, it was filler but they could find a way to keep it from feeling like it.

Post match Park brings out Laurel for the proposal but Kongo Kong comes in and destroys Grado. Sutter leaves as Park gets Grado out of the ring before the top rope splash can hit.

Konnan tells “random white girl number five” that violence is about to come to the Patron family.

Ethan Carter III comes out to brag about being the grandest champion of them all. He’s now in love with his title and gives it a kiss before asking if it wants to get out of here. As usual, Carter is one of the most entertaining things on this show.

LAX vs. El Hijo de Dos Caras/Dos Caras/Alberto El Patron

Caras (sixty six years old) starts with Homicide and pulls him down into a rollup for no count as the shoulder is up. Chops knock Homicide into the corner and it’s off to Hijo for a suicide dive as we take a break. Back with Alberto hitting a basement dropkick for no count, allowing LAX to get in a few cheap shots to take over.

Santana’s chinlock keeps things slow and it’s off to Ortiz with a slam. Alberto crotches him on top though and the not hot tag brings in Hijo for a high crossbody. Santana crotches Hijo on top as well and LAX takes over again. A superplex gives Ortiz two and the triple teaming begins.

Santana misses an elbow though and the hot tag brings in Alberto to clean house. The tilt-a-whirl backbreaker plants Homicide as everything breaks down. Hijo misses a dive and it’s Santana getting caught in the ropes for the top rope double stomp. No cover though as we have a ref bump, leaving no one to see Ortiz tap to the armbreaker.

Hijo comes in with a chair and takes out Homicide to prove his loyalty to his brother. Santana gets caught in another armbreaker but here’s Low Ki in an LAX jacket with a Warrior’s Way to Alberto. The announcers freak out as Santana gets the pin on El Patron at 16:48.

Rating: D+. Oh joy: one of my least favorite wrestlers is now pretty much the top wrestler in the heel stable going after Alberto. Nothing to see here as usual from a wrestling standpoint as LAX (whose Tag Team Titles have been defended once (at Slammiversary) since late April) isn’t that interesting when they’re having to sell for a man in his mid 60s and a not very talented brother. Not a good match here as the boring story continues.

The announcers treat this as LAX becoming invincible because they have the memories of a WWE Creative staff member. The Veterans of War were never mentioned during the match.

Overall Rating: D. I really, really wasn’t feeling this show tonight as it suffers from the same problems that have plagued it for weeks now: everything is really uninteresting. The big story seems to be Low Ki vs. Alberto, which sounds like a main event for some one off indy match.

The biggest problem for me is the focus on Prichard. He’s involved in multiple stories at this point and he’s just not interesting. There’s nothing about him that stands out aside from a popular podcast and that’s not something I need to see on a wrestling show. We need a central story that grabs viewers and the combination of Alberto vs. LAX and Prichard possibly being corrupt isn’t going to pull that off. Not a good show this week and that’s really not a big surprise.

Results

Dezmond Xavier b. Drago – Final Flash

Mumbai Cat b. Trevor Lee – Top rope splash

Ethan Carter III b. Moose via split decision

Suicide/Braxton Sutter/Grado b. KM/Mario Bokara/Fallah Bass – Rollup to KM

LAX b. Alberto El Patron/El Hijo de Dos Caras/Dos Caras – Warrior’s Way to El Patron

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: July 27, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

The battle between LAX and Alberto El Patron continues as the group wants El Patron to join him but he’d rather not, leading to a series of fights. As usual though, the problem is finding a member of the team to fight him as there’s no one anywhere near Alberto’s level on the team. Therefore, they’ll likely need to add someone new to their ranks. Let’s get to it.

Joseph Park and Grado arrived earlier and it’s time to propose to Laurel Van Ness so Grado can stay in the country. Park has special gear for him to wear when he pops the question.

Long recap of LAX vs. Alberto and his family, including various kidnappings of Alberto’s brother and father.

Opening sequence.

The Mayor of Orlando is guest ring announcer for the night.

Eli Drake/Chris Adonis/Ethan Carter III vs. Eddie Edwards/Naomichi Marufuchi/Moose

Eddie and Eli start things off with Drake trying to silence the crowd. Edwards grabs him by the arm and hands it off to Marufuchi for some more of the same. Drake comes in and gets chopped for his efforts, followed by Adonis coming in to complete the trio. Marufuchi works on Adonis as well, including a double chop with help from Edwards (WE GET IT ALREADY).

The heels are sent outside but Adonis breaks up the Shot of Caffeine and we take a break. Back with Edwards still in trouble and Adonis coming in to kick him in the ribs. The beating continues so the announcers talk about Alberto facing LAX in a gauntlet match tonight. Adonis grabs a chinlock for a good while and Carter comes in to give up the hot tag to Moose.

Some running splashes in the corner have Carter in trouble until Drake and Adonis cut him off with some clubberin in the opposite corner. Marufuchi comes in and fires off kicks to the head, leaving Drake to eat a Pop Up Powerbomb from Moose. Carter sneaks in from behind though and kicks Moose low, setting up a lifting sitout Pedigree for the pin at 16:07.

Rating: C-. Just a boring six man here though at least the ending sets up Moose vs. Carter a bit more. Marufuchi is still just kind of there with little more explanation other than “he’s from Japan and he’s awesome”. Well yeah, but I’m not getting much proof of that when all he’s doing is coming in for about thirty seconds, chopping and kicking, and then getting back out. Moose vs. Carter should be fine especially if it gets Carter the title but there wasn’t much to see here.

A rather large guy named Richard Justice is warming up in case he’s needed. He’s the standby wrestler you see, which McKenzie Miller calls the stupidest thing she’s ever heard.

A brother tag team is coming. That would be the Crist Brothers.

Here’s Lashley to call out Bruce Prichard. In short, he wants a title shot and is tired of being told he has to earn them when people like Alberto come in here and get one on day one. He’d like Bruce to come out here and announce that he’s getting his title shot at Destination X. Cue Bruce with Tyrus to say….not much as Matt Sydal walks past him and gets inside. He pushes Lashley and says he won’t be ignored but Lashley shoves him down. That earns Lashley a knee to the face and a quick shooting star press.

See, this is what they’ve needed to do with the X Division for a long time. There’s no need to throw them into a nothing division off to the side and then use them as cannon fodder. Having them mix with the heavyweights and showing that they can hang makes the division look a lot better, which is whats been missing from this place for years. If they go somewhere with that, well done. Otherwise, it’s a nice thought but nothing more.

Davey Richards and Taiji Ishimori are ready for their Super X Cup match.

Super X Cup First Round: Davey Richards vs. Taiji Ishimori

They fight over a lockup to start with Davey patting him on the chest before trading wristlocks. Ishimori dropkicks him to the floor and teases a 619. Back in and Davey fires off the kicks, followed by a figure four neck lock to send Ishimori over to the ropes. The Indian deathlock goes on but Ishimori makes the rope again. Ishimori hits the running knees in the corner, followed by a Vader Bomb double stomp for two.

They hit the mat for a battle of rollups until Davey rolls him into an ankle lock. That goes nowhere either but Davey catches him in the hold again. Davey plants him down and goes up top, cancels the howl, but misses the double stomp. Ishimori grabs a tombstone but throws Davey up for a pair of knees to the chest instead. A 450 puts Davey away at 8:26.

Rating: C+. Much like Marufuchi, all I know about about Ishimori is whatever we’re told about him during his entrances. Now this match helped a lot more than Marufuchi as we got to see Ishimori work a match that didn’t have the stupid round system or five other people. It helped, though I still need to see a lot more of them and have a reason to care about them for this to really be worth much.

Here are the semifinals:

Dezmond Xavier

Drago

ACH

Ishimori

Prichard makes Lashley vs. Sydal for Destination X with the winner getting whatever title match they want.

Knockouts Title: Rosemary vs. Sienna

Rosemary is challenging and this is Last Knockout Standing. Sienna, with KM in her corner, gets jumped to start and Rosemary unloads on her to take over. A table is brought in quickly but Sienna drops Rosemary and takes a stroll on the floor. Another table is set up on the outside, followed by the champ throwing in a pair of chairs. We get the required duel with both of them being knocked out of the respective hands.

They fight into the crowd with Sienna’s face being raked over the barricade. Rosemary grabs a headscissors and bends backwards over the barricade into kind of a reverse Tarantula. Sienna taps to no effect and we take a break. Back with Rosemary still in control but having to block what looked to be a powerbomb off the apron. The block doesn’t last though and it’s an AK47 off the apron and down to the floor (basically a release powerbomb in this case) for an eight count.

Back in and the Silencer is blocked by the swing of a chair to put Sienna down for nine. A Red Wedding onto the chair knocks Sienna down but Rosemary can’t follow up. Sienna is up at nine but down at ten so Rosemary puts her in front of the chair in the corner. Rosemary puts a trashcan in front of her for a Van Terminator, only to have KM offer a distraction. That means mist to the face but Sienna shoves her off the top and through the table on the floor to retain at 15:39.

Rating: B-. Good brawl, though nothing we haven’t seen before. Rosemary is rather skilled and Sienna is rather…..well she’s rather boring actually but she’s competent in the ring. KM on the other hand is one of the least interesting guys I’ve seen in a long time and having him around doesn’t add anything to any match he’s involved with. It’s a good match but, save for the reverse Tarantula, this wasn’t anything of note.

We look at the end of the six man.

Carter dubs the sitout Pedigree as the ECD: Ethan Carter’s Driver. Moose vs. Carter for the title next week.

Alberto says LAX is lead by a crazy man.

Here’s Trevor Lee to say he’s a fighting champion, meaning he’s got another handpicked challenger. He’s the king of Mexico….and it’s Octagoncito.

Trevor Lee vs. Octagoncito

Lee wrestles with the stolen title on and runs Octagoncito over to start. He misses a charge into the corner though and gets headscissored down, followed by a very long spinning version to put Trevor on the floor. That’s enough for Lee as he takes the countout at 1:40.

Sonjay Dutt runs in after the match but gets stopped by security. Cue Bruce for another unnecessary cameo to send him to the back.

LAX is ready to destroy Alberto once and for all.

Here are Park and Grado, the latter of whom is in a rather form fitting orange suit, to propose to Laurel. Sienna has to force Laurel down the aisle before leaving. Grado calls Laurel knockout gorgeous and proposes but here are a very excited Allie and a less excited Braxton Sutter to pull her to the back. Before there’s an answer though, Kongo Kong interrupts with a shaking head. Grado bails and Kong picks Laurel up but she tells him to put her down. She never actually said no.

LAX vs. Alberto El Patron

Gauntlet match and non-title. Alberto comes through the crowd and it’s going to be Homicide starting for the team. A top rope splash ends Homicide in nineteen seconds and it’s Ortiz coming in second. We’re off to an early break and it’s back to Ortiz in trouble as well but LAX crotches Alberto on top. Not that it matters as Alberto shoves him Ortiz down and hits the double stomp for the pin at 6:30 total.

Santana is in last and hits a running boot in the corner for two. Alberto gets tripped from the floor but avoids a top rope double stomp. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker drops Santana again but Alberto has to go after the other members. Diamante’s high crossbody is caught and Alberto throws her out onto Homicide. Alberto grabs the cross armbreaker but Ortiz comes in for the DQ at 8:53 total.

Rating: D. So to recap, Alberto just cleaned out all of the wrestling members of LAX in less than nine minutes while also dealing with Diamante and Konnan. And these guys are the top heels in the promotion at the moment and we’re supposed to buy one of them, in theory at least, as a threat to the title? Really? Horrible idea here and a bad way to close the show.

Post match the beatdown is on with Alberto’s brother taking a beating as well. The Veterans of War run in and help Alberto clean house to end the show. In other words, Alberto, who just fended off five people at once on his own, now has his father, his brother, and two big power guys backing him up?

Overall Rating: D+. That main event storyline is just killing everything else on the rest of the show. Everyone in LAX is coming off like a jobber (the Tag Team Champions remember) and that story is dominating the show. There’s some good stuff on here and that’s keeping the show going but they are DYING for a top heel to oppose Alberto (who is far from a great character in the first place). In other words, a Jeff Jarrett run company still doesn’t seem capable of writing TV that is anything more than just average at best.

Results

Eli Drake/Ethan Carter III/Chris Adonis b. Moose/Naomichi Marufuchi/Eddie Edwards – Lifting sitout Pedigree to Moose

Taiji Ishimori b. Davey Richards – 450

Sienna b. Rosemary when Rosemary couldn’t answer the ten count

Octagoncito b. Trevor Lee via countout

Alberto El Patron b. LAX via DQ when Ortiz interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: July 20, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

So it seems we’re still on Alberto El Patron vs. Bobby Lashley after Lashley abandoned El Patron to the hands of LAX last week. This feud has been going on for months now and it’s apparently continuing as there’s no one else to put into the main event scene. Some new names need to be added to the title picture too as it’s getting rather tiresome. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of LAX recruiting Alberto El Patron, including last week’s tag match with Alberto and Lashley picking up the win, only to have Lashley abandon Alberto after the match.

Video on Sammy Guevara, who is young and rather braggadocios. He’s here because he’s one of the best in the world and is ready to win this tournament and move on to the X-Division Title.

Video on Drago, who talks about being from another world and is ready to win as well.

Super X Cup First Round: Drago vs. Sammy Guevara

They speed things up to start and neither can hit anything early on. Drago offers a handshake on the standoff but gets slapped in the face instead. Sammy casually backflips over a clothesline and sends Drago outside for a shooting star from the top. Back in and a reverse hurricanrana gives Drago two, followed by the Dragon’s Tail (very twisting rollup) for the same. That’s fine with Sammy who comes back with a 630 for his own near fall. Drago is back up as well and hits a rather sloppy running Blockbuster DDT for the pin at 4:23.

Rating: C+. Fun match, complete lack of selling aside. This was straight out of the “you do a spot and I do a spot” playbook, which is only going to get you so far. Guevara was a fun heel who plays the bravado quite well. Drago is 41 years old and looks about half that age but it makes sense to push him on given his status with Ring of Honor.

Some GFW wrestlers went to a children’s camp for charity. Nothing wrong with that.

Sienna vs. Amber Nova

Non-title. Nova goes at her to start but gets sent into the corner, followed by a wheelbarrow suplex. A delayed vertical suplex is broken up but the AK47 puts Nova away at 1:26. Total squash.

Post match Sienna mocks Rosemary for being a loser and calls out Karen Jarrett. Sienna wants her to get on her knees and calls Sienna the greatest Knockout of all time. Karen doesn’t think so but Sienna says she just told her to. Allie makes the save with a kendo stick but Laurel Van Ness comes in and beats Allie down. Rosemary comes out for the real save. That goes badly as well but Karen pulls Sienna off. Cue Gail Kim to clean house because that’s what Kim does. Karen makes a Last Knockout Standing match between Rosemary and Sienna for the title next week.

Earlier this week, LAX kidnapped Alberto’s brother to get Alberto to join LAX.

Video on Hijo de Fantasma.

Bruce Prichard (Did the whole “Where’s Bruce” thing from Slammiversary ever go anywhere?) is in the back and runs into Trevor Lee. Bruce wants to know what’s up with the X-Division Title when Sonjay Dutt comes in and tries to get the title back. Security takes him away, which Lee says proves he’s the better champion. Bruce seems to agree.

Idris Abraham/Demus/Trevor Lee vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr./Octagoncito

Lucha rules. Idris and Garza don’t do anything to start so it’s off to the minis for a headscissors to send Demus outside. Garza dives on the other villains and we take a break. Back with Lee, who is wearing the X-Division Title, working on Octagoncito until a headscissors puts him down.

The hot tag brings in Garza Jr. and we remove the pants. They hit the floor for the dives, including Laredo Kid getting caught in the ropes and nearly landing on the apron. We hit the Row the Boat spot (it didn’t work in WCW and it’s not working here), followed by Laredo hitting a big flip dive to the floor. Back in and Octagoncito gets on Garza’s shoulders while Garza is on the middle rope for a huge splash onto Abraham for the pin at 10:24.

Rating: C. Botches aside, this was a fun match but the problem here is the time. A lot of the roster barely has time to get on the roster week to week but this is getting more than twice the time that the Super X Cup, which is actually for something, received. Both matches were fun but shouldn’t those times be reversed?

It’s time for Grado to go on a date with Laurel Van Ness He ate the chocolates and drank the champagne but he’s got coupons! The date is backstage and they’re in their gear with Grado tucking his napkin into his singlet. Laurel’s eating scares Grado’s appetite away.

LAX has kidnapped Alberto’s father to try to get Alberto to join as well.

Hijo de Fantasma vs. Matt Sydal vs. Low Ki

One fall to a finish. Sydal takes over to start until Fantasma spinwheel kicks him down. Ki sends Sydal outside but winds up limping a bit to slow him back down. Fantasma kicks Ki in the face to knock him off the top rope and out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Sydal hitting a standing moonsault on Ki but getting caught in a surfboard from Fantasma.

Ki breaks it up with the Warrior’s Way but the knee is too banged up to cover. Instead Sydal just falls onto Fantasma for two. The Ki Krusher is broken up so Sydal is sent into the corner again. The regular Warrior’s Way hits Fantasma but Sydal breaks it up with the shooting star press for the pin on Fantasma at 13:57.

Rating: C. Now they’re going overboard with the X-Division stuff. This is the third match out of four that has been built around the division and they’re starting to run together. Sydal is starting to go somewhere and it’s nice to see them pushing someone fresh in the division, but there’s so much other stuff going on that it’s starting to get lost in the shuffle.

Post match Sydal calls out Prichard and asks for a title shot. Cue Lashley of all people but Sydal says no one wants to hear it because this is his time to ask for a title shot. Lashley spears him down and says that’s only a start.

Back to the date with Laurel getting a bit too close to Grado, who keeps reminding himself about the citizenship.

Eddie Edwards vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Moose vs. Eli Drake

Before the match, the Swoll Mates chase off Chris Adonis. It’s a brawl to start with Eddie hitting a suicide dive onto Drake, who is then taken down again by Moose’s spinning high crossbody. Drake is right back up to send Moose outside and it’s time to double team Eddie. As you might expect, Drake and Carter get in an argument so Moose comes back in to throw them outside.

That’s not enough throwing as he tosses Edwards onto them as well. Eddie hurricanranas Carter back inside but has to deal with Drake, allowing Ethan to send him into the post. There’s the 1%er to Edwards but Moose pulls Carter outside, allowing Drake to steal the pin at 6:23.

Rating: C-. Another match with little structure that seemed to exist for the sake of fitting in as many people onto the card as they could. The match didn’t have much of a flow to it until the ending, though Eli and Ethan shouting their names at each other was a nice moment. I could go for some story tonight though and this match didn’t give me that.

LAX cuts off the Swoll Mates and asks Alberto’s family if he’s joining the team. Apparently not but Konnan holds the troops back…..and then lets them beat the two of them down.

Post break here’s LAX with Dos Caras as Dos Caras Jr. in the ring. The beat down is on until Konnan threatens Sr.’s mask. This brings Alberto to the stage before he slowly gets inside. He gets in “Carlos’” face and says this is too far for the sake of Mexican pride. Alberto says they’re brothers but if LAX wants him, let his family go. The family is sent outside and Alberto agrees to join the team to keep them save. He puts on the shirt but then beats down LAX to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. If you don’t like the LAX vs. Alberto story, RUN AWAY from this show. Nearly no other story got as much as five minutes on this show and it got a bit tiring watching all these multi-person matches, many of which felt like they barely advanced anything. The wrestling itself helped a lot but there was WAY too much LAX here and it dragged the show down a lot.

Results

Drago b. Sammy Guevara – Blockbuster DDT

Sienna b. Amber Nova – AK47

Garza Jr./Laredo Kid/Octagoncito b. Demus/Idris Abraham/Trevor Lee – Splash to Abraham

Matt Sydal b. Hijo de Fantasma and Low Ki – Shooting star press to Fantasma

Eli Drake b. Ethan Carter III, Eddie Edwards and Moose – 1%er to Edwards

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 15, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

We’re still in India and tonight’s main event is a special treat for the live crowd. This week will see Sonjay Dutt challenging Low Ki for the X-Division Title in an effort to shake away his moniker of the best X-Division wrestler to never win the title. Other than that the build to Slammiversary continues with less than three weeks to go. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Dutt vs. Low Ki with both guys taking their own path to get here. Low Ki doesn’t seem to mind where they are.

Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet

This is a ten man Royal Rumble with ninety second intervals and when there are two remaining, it’s a regular one on one match. The winner gets…..a trophy! Suicide is in at #1 and Matt Sydal is in at #2 as we hear about Josh Matthews having his first match in fifteen years tonight.

Sydal headscissors him into the ropes but Suicide is right back in to headbutt Matt down. A standoff goes nowhere and it’s Davey Richards in at #3. Davey takes Sydal down by the leg as we hear about Josh needing to get another Twitter account due to having too many followers. KM is in at #4 and there’s not much going on just a few minutes in. Suicide hangs in the ropes and low bridges KM to the apron. Swoggle is in at #5 as Davey dropkicks Suicide out. KM and Davey no sell some chops and KM shoves Swoggle down.

Eddie Edwards is in at #6 and is eliminated along with Davey in about ten seconds. Back from a break with Rockstar Spud having entered as #7 and getting beaten down by Swoggle. There are four people in the ring and no eliminations during the break so the clock is already way off. Spud drops Sydal and throws Swoggle into the corner, as the announcers try to make Spud into the heel in this whole thing. You know, the guy who was ASSAULTED WITH A HAMMER!

Kongo Kong is in at #8 and eliminated Sydal without too much effort. Spud is tossed as well and Moose is in at #9. Spud isn’t done though and helps get rid of Swoggle with the announcers saying we’re guaranteed to continue this feud. Moose lasts all of fifteen seconds but Mahabali Shera is in at #10 and his dad is in the front row.

Kong charges at Shera and gets low bridged out so the referee comes in for the regular match as we take a second break. Back again with KM stomping away in the corner as Davey/Angelina Love vs. Eddie Edwards/Alisha in Full Metal Mayhem at Slammiversary. KM gets two off a slingshot splash but Shera grabs an AA for a breather. The Sky High is enough to give Shera the pin at 24:56.

Rating: D-. This was nothing but filler and they weren’t even trying to hide it. If you want Shera to win in front of his home country that’s cool, but couldn’t you have him come in a bit earlier for the sake of some work and some drama? I have a bad feeling this is going to be the extent of what happens with the trophy and if they spent a fourth of a show on this one match….egads. On top of that the match was really boring with Spud vs. Swoggle as possibly the featured attraction before the ending.

Shera celebrates with his family and here are some Sony Six executives to present the trophy. Shera holds the trophy and looks close to crying.

Video on Dutt not being able to win the X-Division Title. Now he’s home and ready to fulfill his dream.

DeAngelo Williams (NFL free agent) will be in the ring at Slammiversary. We see a bit of his in-ring training in Canada.

We see Joseph Park and JB heading to a Kung Fu studio to train. It turns out that Park gets confused and they wind up at a Chinese food buffet with good kung pow chicken.

LAX is going to be in other promotions to make statements since they’re not allowed in India. So they’re taking the Hardys’ gimmick.

Here’s E-Singh-3 with a man in a suit. He talks about his family lineage dating back to his seventh great grandfather being a full blooded Indian. The main in the suit translates with Ethan talking about how he’s one of the people here. Ethan is here to destroy Indian culture and rips on the people even more but the translator won’t say it. Carter beats him up and whips him with a belt until James Storm comes in for the save.

Spud and Swoggle got in an argument at catering earlier today. This results in Spud being sent face first into his food and a chase. As I say every week, this isn’t funny and I can’t imagine a lot of people are interested.

Here’s Josh Matthews, looking like he weighs 114 pounds soaking wet with two bricks in his pocket, for a sparring session. Josh explains the tag match (in case you haven’t heard the concept in the last two and a half months) and hypes up his opponent as an Olympic wrestler, a Bollywood star and a cricket champion.

Josh Matthews vs. Sandik DeKhan

DeKhan is a rather rotund guy who is barely taller than the top rope. Josh armdrags him down but eats a dropkick. That earns Sandik a knee lift and Swanton Bomb (not bad actually), followed by a Steiner Recliner for the submission at 2:25.

Shera comes out post match for no apparent reason but Lashley runs in for the save. Why? Josh gets in another Recliner, which really shouldn’t hurt. Alberto El Patron runs in for the real save. That was one of the most illogical segments this company has run in a long time.

JB and Park train with action figures with Magnus taking JB’s place because he doesn’t have an action figure. They do however study Steiner’s math promo. Park: “How did this guy ever get over? His promos suck.” A highlight reel scares them but Park is ready to face their fears. Steiner calls them though and both guys panic.

Trevor Lee vs. Braxton Sutter

Lee jumps him from behind and Sutter is knocked to the floor in a heap. Back in and a deadlift German suplex gives Trevor two but he stops to yell at Allie. Back in and Sutter gets in a powerslam, followed by the fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin at 2:08.

Post match Sienna and Laurel Van Ness come out to challenge Allie and Rosemary to a tag match next week.

Low Ki has hurt Dutt before and he’ll do it again.

The roster is ready for Slammiversary.

Here’s Moose for a chat but Eli Drake and Christopher Adonis come out to interrupt in a hurry. Drake calls everyone dummies and claims to have been ripped off in their title match. Moose wants to fight them both at Slammiversary but the double beatdown is on now. Not that it matters as Moose clears the ring without too much effort. Moose promises to deliver a partner next week. You know, because it’s so hard to figure out.

JB and Park answer Steiner’s call so he can yell a lot. I can barely understand him because it’s over a phone but corn on the cob is mentioned. JB offers to call the match off but Steiner threatens violence. Park and JB run off instead, leaving Steiner to yell even more.

X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki

Dutt is challenging and still has his eyepatch on. A hard body shot puts Dutt down because he couldn’t see it coming thanks to the bad eye. The patch is pulled off and Dutt snaps off a hurricanrana into an armdrag. A dropkick sends Dutt to the floor and they fight into the crowd where Dutt has to escape a Ki Crusher.

Sonjay mostly misses a moonsault off the barricade but what looked to be Sliced Bread #2 is countered with a drop onto the steps. Back from a break with Low Ki stomping away and grabbing something like an abdominal stretch/Octopus Hold hybrid. Dutt fights out and Low Ki takes off the jacket, earning himself a great looking superplex.

Low Ki breaks up a sunset flip and snaps off a standing double stomp for two. A tornado DDT drops the champ (who has a bloody eye) and a top rope splash gives Dutt the title at 16:28. The commentary was rather horrible there as they barely reacted to either the setup or the title change.

Rating: B. Well that was sudden. There wasn’t exactly much of a build to the finish but at least they went with exactly what they should have done. This was the biggest layup of the entire taping cycle and they did exactly what they should have done without trying for some kind of a screwy finish.

Some wrestlers come out to celebrate with Dutt, including Shera putting him on his shoulders to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Before I get into this, let me make it clear that the main event was a completely separate part of the show and isn’t included in the following criticisms. That last match was exactly what it should have been and aside from a pretty weak ending, I had no complains about it.

As for the rest of the show though, it was nothing short of a disaster and one of the worst things this company has ever done (and consider all that covers). The opener was long and awful, the second match was there to further one of the worst angles I can remember in a long time and the third match was barely anything. Couple that with not very funny “training” segments for a ring announcer and a comedy character plus the excruciatingly not funny Swoggle vs. Spud feud and this was one of the most awful shows I’ve ever seen them do.

The World Title feud has taken a huge backseat to the “comedy” angles (though I think the announcers’ feud is supposed to be at least somewhat serious), mainly because they barely have a reason to be fighting. Yeah they have that one match two and a half months ago but neither Alberto nor Lashley have the character depth to pull off something very interesting. They’re both skilled performers and perfectly acceptable from bell to bell but their characters are basically confined to “I’m a good wrestler”. When you barely have a single segment in the ring per week, there’s not much you can do to build a match.

The problem here boils down to the writing not being very good. I know they’ve had Dixie to blame over the years but we’re two and a half months into the new leadership team and it’s some of the weakest TV I can remember them doing in a very long time. There’s basically no midcard out of Moose vs. Eli Drake (a feud which is coming up on a celebrity tag match instead of fighting for Moose’s title) and the Tag Team Champions (who have two titles each) aren’t even on TV at the moment due to whatever reason.

Instead we’re getting a focus on Spud vs. Swoggle over seeing Swoggle’s underwear while the top feud is battling announcers plus a lawyer and a crazy man who arguably hit his in-ring peak 26 years ago. That’s the new Impact Wrestling and if this is what they’re setting up for Slammiversary, Bound For Glory might be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.

Results

Mahabali Shera won the Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet

Josh Matthews b. Sandik DeKhan – Steiner Recliner

Braxton Sutter b. Trevor Lee – Fisherman’s neckbreaker

Sonjay Dutt b. Low Ki – Top rope splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 8, 2017
Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews

This is a special show as it’s the first of four episodes to be held in Mumbai, India. We’re less than a month away from Slammiversary and now the main event seems to be set in stone as GFW World Champion Alberto El Patron will face Impact Wrestling World Champion Lashley in what is likely a winner take all match. Let’s get to it.

We’re in India for perhaps the biggest Impacts ever so LET’S HAVE THE FIGHTING ANNOUNCERS! Bruce Prichard says there’s no physical altercations before Slammiversary or they’re both fired, no matter who starts it. You have all these titles and all these stars and big names and you pick THIS to start things off? Honestly, if this is what they have for their biggest or second biggest story, this company is more delusional than I thought.

The opening video takes a long look at traveling to India and how important this is. I mean, it’s not as important as Borash vs. Matthews but it’s certainly important.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Alberto El Patron to open things up. He talks about all the titles he’s won around the world but there’s one left for him to win. At Slammiversary (which he can’t pronounce), he’ll be the undisputed Impact Wrestling Heavyweight Champion. Cue Lashley to say that’s not happening because he’s unlike anything Alberto has ever faced. Tensions are teased but here’s Bruce Prichard again to cut them off. He thinks they should both defend their titles right here tonight with the Slammiversary spots on the line. They don’t find out their opponents until the matches start.

Bruce Prichard ignores a tag team called the Mumbai Cats.

X-Division Title: Caleb Konley vs. Low Ki

Low Ki is defending and wearing the suit again. They take turns driving each other into the corner with Ki getting the better of it off some kicks. A legsweep sets up a backsplash for two on the champ as the fans are VERY noisy here, in a good way. More kicks stagger Konley but he manages to send Ki outside for a suicide dive. Back in and Low Ki hits a running dropkick to knock Konley into the corner, followed by a Warrior’s Way to the back for the pin at 6:35. Low Ki is bleeding a bit from the eye.

Rating: D+. I’m still not a fan of Low Ki and the all kick/feet offense gets annoying in a hurry. The match itself was nothing special and it was clear that we’re just waiting on Sonjay Dutt to come out for the big grandstand challenge. That’s the logical move to make so this was really just a way to get us closer to that match.

Post match, here’s Sonjay to speak some of the native language and say how ironic it is for Low Ki’s eye to be busted open. He wants a title shot and remembers fighting Low Ki in the Elk Lodge in New York City fifteen years ago. Now there’s no Hit Squad behind Low Ki but Dutt has 1.4 billion people behind him. The match seems to be set.

Video on Rockstar Spud vs. Swoggle.

Davey Richards vs. Vikus Kumar

There’s no Angelina Love so Davey is even angrier than usual. The kicks start in again with Davey driving him into the corner and then sending Kumar to the floor. A dive misses but Kumar misses a moonsault, setting up the ankle lock to make Kumar tap at 2:44.

Post match here’s Ethan Carter III to whip Kumar with his belt. James Storm makes the save.

Prichard (third appearance in about 40 minutes) is in the back with Eli Drake, who thinks Bruce cost him the Grand Championship last week. Chris Adonis comes up and says the two of them deserve the World Title shot tonight. Bruce will consider it, so we’ll be seeing him again later.

Video on the TNA Hall of Fame.

Josh promises a sparring session next week.

Swoggle chases Spud down the aisle and into the crowd.

Video on Mahabali Shera, who gets to come home to his country. We see him with a crowd doing the Shera Shake. I mean, none of the fans are doing it but maybe they can’t remember if it’s the Shera Shake or the Shera Shuffle. To be fair, the announcers couldn’t remember either.

Joseph Park comes to see Jeremy Borash at his office to train. Park says fighting is in his family’s blood. One day his grandfather Jebediah Park took on George Hackenschmidt in a bare knuckles fight. Park: “And he almost beat him!” They’re off to train.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Lashley vs. ???

Lashley is defending against…..Moose. They trade shoulders to start until Moose runs the ropes for a spinning crossbody and two. It’s way too early for the spear though and Moose nails a bicycle kick. That’s fine with Lashley as he muscles Moose over and out to the floor. They head outside with Lashley sending Moose into the barricade.

Lashley’s chinlock doesn’t last long and Moose comes back with chops, followed by a dropkick to knock the champ off the top. Back from a break with Moose getting two off a running dropkick. Moose hits his own spear with Josh freaking out at the near fall. I’m not sure why he’d be so worried about the pay per view main event changing as it’s been done three or four times now.

Lashley is right back up with a superplex but the spear is countered with a big boot. They’re trading big shots here and it’s making for a pretty entertaining slugfest. The sitout chokeslam gives Moose two more but the Game Changer misses. Lashley spears him down to retain at 16:30.

Rating: B-. Good power match here but Lashley continues to be little more than a dragon who holds a title. Then again, Alberto is hardly that much better of an option and with Lashley having held the title for so long, you can only get so interested in either of their matches. Moose losing isn’t the worst thing in the world as he lost to someone higher up on the ladder so it’s hardly devastating.

LAX celebrates having both sets of Tag Team Titles.

Video of Spud traveling to India.

Knockouts Title: Laurel Van Ness vs. Rosemary

Laurel, still in the wedding dress, is challenging and has Sienna in her corner. Sienna starts fast and sends Rosemary into the post so Laurel can stomp away. Rosemary pops up and stares at Sienna, causing a collision on the apron. A rollup retains the title at 1:59.

Post match Allie runs in with a kendo stick (because Allie is Bayley, but “WWE IS ALWAYS RIPPING TNA OFF!!!” – TNA fans.) for the save.

KM asks Bruce (hey there he is again) for the title shot and does his “you’re lying” schtick.

JB and Park train. It’s funny you see. JB: “We’re screwed. We’re dead.” Park wants to teach JB how to be an X-Division wrestler by diving into a pool. Park: “Pretend that water is Josh Matthews!”

Global Force Wrestling Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Chris Adonis

Adonis is challenging and has Eli Drake in his corner. Drake offers an early distraction and Adonis sends him outside as they brawl into the crowd. That goes nowhere, though to be fair we couldn’t see anything while they were walking so for all I know, it was a Scrabble tournament. Back to ringside with Patron, who is wrestling in a shirt for some reason, getting caught in the Adonis Lock while in the ropes.

We take a break and come back with Adonis still working on the back with a cannonball and camel clutch. Alberto fights back again with some clotheslines but walks into a spinebuster for a delayed two. To be fair the guy barely ever wrestles anymore so asking him to remember to cover is probably a big request. Since he hasn’t learned anything, Adonis puts Alberto on top and gets pulled down into the armbreaker over the ropes. Alberto gets in a few more kicks and the top rope double stomp retains at 12:48.

Rating: C-. They had a match, Adonis used power, Alberto kicked and worked the arm and then the champion retained. If you really want to do something exciting for the main event of your first TV show in India, I really don’t know why you would pick Adonis for this spot but why would you do something that makes sense when you devote that much time to Bruce Prichard segments and Spud vs. Swoggle?

Drake and Adonis beat El Patron down with Lashley watching from the ramp. Moose runs in for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This episode really illustrated a lot of the problems that the company has and the majority of them are with their storytelling. This week’s episode focused on Swoggle vs. Spud, the battling World Champions who have half a personality between the two of them and the stupid announcers, who have been fighting for the better part of three months now. That really does feel like the top story in the promotion right now and if they think that’s going to be the thing that sparks interest among the masses or even casual fans, they’re in for what shouldn’t be a big surprise.

On top of that, we had a World Title match on the grand stage of an international TV taping and CHRIS MASTERS is in the main event. He never did anything significant in WWE and now he’s main eventing here, despite not really doing anything other than showing up. I have no idea why we’re stuck sitting through these guys but at least there’s some hope. Dutt vs. Low Ki will be a huge upgrade next week though so it’s hardly like they have no hope on the horizon.

Results

Low Ki b. Caleb Konley – Warrior’s Way

Davey Richards b. Vikus Kumar – Ankle lock

Lashley b. Moose – Spear

Rosemary b. Laurel Van Ness – Rollup

Alberto El Patron b. Chris Adonis – Double stomp

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 1, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re about a month away from Slammiversary 2017 and that means we need to really build up the card. While a lot of it is likely going to be set up during the upcoming India shows, we have a main event already set as Ethan Carter III will challenge Lashley for the World Title in a match that I’m sure won’t be changed. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week, including Scott Steiner returning to join Josh Matthews against JB and Joseph Park at Slammiversary and Carter becoming #1 contender.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Ethan Carter III with a barbershop quartet (in snappy hats) plus a violinist and bass player to sing his theme song. They also sing that he’s the #1 contender, which nobody can deny. Ethan talks about getting ready for the biggest fight of his life before having the group sing a goodbye song to Lashley.

Cue Alberto El Patron but before that can go anywhere, Karen Jarrett, Bruce Prichard and Dutch Mantel, flanked by Tyrus, cut them off. Bruce says it’s not going to happen this way so he makes El Patron vs. Carter tonight for the GFW Title and the shot at Lashley inside a cage. The other three never said a word and really didn’t need to be there.

The show heads to India next week.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Eli Drake

Moose is defending and Drake has Chris Adonis with him. Mantel, Prichard and Scott D’Amore are guest judges here for no apparent reason. The champ kicks him in the face at the bell and tosses Drake into the corner with ease. Drake starts in on the knee and works it over before grabbing a Figure Four to take us to the end of the first round.

Eli wins round 1 and goes right after the knee again to start the second. Josh completely ignores the match to talk about the upcoming tag match at Slammiversary. The leg is wrapped around the post but Moose pulls Drake into it as the announcers bicker about commentary. Back in and Moose dropkicks him off the top to set up a backsplash and moonsault. The knee is too banged up for the cover though and round 2 ends as we take a break.

Back with Moose being announced as the winner, sending Adonis over to yell at the judges. They slug it out at the bell for round 3 with Moose getting the better of it and hitting his chokebomb for two. Drake comes back with some kind of a throw for two of his own. Moose slugs him right back drop but Adonis grabs the foot, allowing Moose to hit whatever he calls White Noise as the clock expires at 9:00. Moose retains via split decision.

Rating: C+. Same as always: it’s a fine match that really doesn’t need the rounds and doesn’t need the nine minute time limit. As usual Drake continues to look better in the ring almost every time but he needs to actually win something of note. Moose is being built into something interesting and when someone finally takes the title off of him, it might actually be a big deal.

We look back at Rosemary saving Allie.

Allie isn’t sure why Rosemary helped her but Rosemary comes up to freak her out even more. Rosemary says she heard something crying out and she knew Allie needed protection.

Impact will hold a house show on August 5 in Staten Island. I’ll believe it when the opening bell rings.

Matt Sydal talks about tonight’s X-Division Title match with Low Ki defending against Andrew Everett.

Swoggle is in the front row.

Allie vs. Amber Nova

Nova is billed from the Garage (Gradge?) and wears a rather small outfit. Allie shoves her away to start but eats a knee in the corner. The comeback doesn’t take long as Allie starts overcoming her self confidence issues and hits some clotheslines. A lot of shouting sets up a running Death Valley Driver to pin Nova at 3:34. Allie hugs everyone, which totally isn’t a Bayley knockoff in the slightest.

Rating: D+. Allie as TNA’s version of Bayley is fine as she’s certainly popular with the crowd and it’s nice to have her actually win something for a change. It would be nice to have her win a blowoff match against Laurel Van Ness to FINALLY end the story but odds are this gets dragged out even further for some reason. Nova wasn’t bad but you can only see so much out of a three and a half minute match.

Joseph Park and JB arrive in a golf cart.

GFW Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Veterans of War

Tournament final with LAX’s Impact Tag Team Titles not on the line and no disqualifications. The rest of LAX comes in to help with an early beatdown (makes sense) but leaves after only a few seconds. Wilcox shrugs Ortiz off and brings in Mayweather for a big hiptoss as LAX takes a breather on the floor. Santana sneaks in from behind to clip Mayweather’s knee though and LAX takes over for the first time.

The beating begins in the corner with Ortiz stomping away and Mayweather taking out the knee for more of the same. Mayweather finally comes back with a Downward Spiral to get a breather The hot tag brings in Wilcox to clean house with the heavy clotheslines. Everything breaks down and Konnan hits Mayweather in the knee with a bat, allowing Homicide to blasts Wilcox in the back with a title belt. The Street Sweeper gives LAX the titles at 6:56.

Rating: D+. NOW UNIFY THE THINGS AND NEVER MENTION THE GFW TITLES AGAIN! That being said, this was a big disappointment as the VOW have already lost a match which is likely setting up a rematch at Slammiversary. I mean, it would have made sense to have them both have a title and unify them at the pay per view but this company has far bigger problems than that.

Park and JB have a really lame psych up segment and Park says it’s time to train. JB: “Have you lost your d*** mind?”

X-Division Title: Low Ki vs. Andrew Everett

Low Ki is defending and Sonjay Dutt is on commentary. The champ is in a suit to continue an idea whose origins probably don’t remember in the first place (yes I know what it is). They trade kicks to start with Low Ki getting the better of it and headbutting Everett into the corner. Everett is sent outside and Low Ki yells at Dutt as we take a break. Back with Low Ki in control and pulling Everett off the middle rope for two. We hit an abdominal stretch but Everett slips out and kicks him away.

A bad looking hurricanrana sends Low Ki into the middle turnbuckle, followed by a running shooting star for two. Everett goes for a springboard but completely botches it (calling Maffew, come in Maffew), landing about four feet away and giving Low Ki two off the crash. Andrew shoves him off the top and tries the shooting star, only to have it land on knees. The running dropkick into the corner sets up the Warrior’s Way to retain the title at 13:45.

Rating: C. The botch aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world but they might as well have held up a big sign counting down to the start of Dutt vs. Low Ki for the title. That’s not a bad thing but it made this match seem a bit like a waste of time. Everett seemed primed and ready to win the title but somehow we’ve moved on to two guys from the original days of Impact for reasons I don’t want to fathom.

Low Ki yells at Dutt.

Lashley wants to make Impact great.

Spud jumps Swoggle and beats on his knee with a hammer. Josh: “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???” I’m not sure why I’m so amazed every time Josh asks these stupid questions but it happens every time. Swoggle’s eye is busted and the fans call Spud a stupid idiot.

GFW Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Ethan Carter III

Patron is defending inside a cage and the winner faces Lashley at Slammiversary. Alberto starts kicking away (common trend tonight) but gets sent into the cage. A DDT gets Alberto out of trouble but Carter is right there to cut off an escape attempt. One heck of a Samoan drop off the cage plants Alberto and we take a break.

Back with Carter hitting a charge in the corner, only to get caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A sitout electric chair faceplant gives Carter two but Alberto is up with a middle rope Backstabber to pull him off the corner. Alberto starts in on the arm with a Codebreaker and the cross armbreaker goes on in the middle of the ring.

Carter gets out again and the TK3 gets two more. A Batista Bomb lets Carter get to the middle of the cage but Patron pulls him down and hits a top rope double stomp from the top of the cage (FREAKING OW MAN). Since that’s not enough, Alberto adds a top rope splash for the pin at 17:40.

Rating: B-. Well I’m shocked. They’ve been setting up El Patron vs. Lashley II since the week after El Patron debuted and I don’t know how many people bought the idea of Carter getting the shot after all those weeks of talking about how the GFW Title was the golden ticket. Also, aside from the ending, there was no reason for this to be in a cage and it’s not like they had any chance to hype it up because, as is the case in way too many wrestling companies, they announced it at the beginning of the show and had the match an hour and a half later.

Overall Rating: B-. It’s amazing what happens when this show has something to build towards. After all the months of running around like seahorses on bicycles, they’ve FINALLY got something to go for instead of just doing the same things over and over again to little avail. The GFW stuff isn’t interesting and there’s no reason for a show with two hours of TV a week to have multiple titles for almost every division but at least they have something to focus on, which helps so much. Much better show here and the direction has so much to do with that.

Results

Moose b. Eli Drake via split decision

Allie b. Amber Nova – Death Valley Driver

Low Ki b. Andrew Everett – Warrior’s Way

Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Frog splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 11, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

We’re back in the Impact Zone where the main event is over another promotion’s title. I know GFW and Impact have officially merged so it’s not as odd as it sounds but there’s something weird about the Global Force Wrestling World Title match main eventing Impact Wrestling. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Alberto El Patron beating Eli Drake to earn a shot at the GFW World Title tonight. Magnus is ready.

Opening sequence.

Andrew Everett vs. Caleb Konley vs. Dezmond Xavier vs. Matt Sydal

One fall to a finish. They start with the rapid fire near falls via sunset flips and rollups until Konley and Sydal put on stereo submissions. Neither of those go anywhere so Sydal drops a standing leg on Konley and gives Xavier a jawbreaker at the same time. Konley comes right back with a moonsault for two on Everett with Matt making a save. That’s enough of the wrestling so Everett and Xavier hit back to back dives onto everyone else. Back in and Konley hits a belly to back fisherman’s suplex (that’s a new one) for two on Sydal, only to have Everett grab the Frankendriver for the pin on Xavier at 6:24.

Rating: C. Starting the show with a match is the right call and I’m glad that they’re actually having Everett keep some of the pace instead of just having him lose and more on the next challenger. That’s how you build a division instead of just a champion and a challenger, which should help things a lot.

JB pesters Josh again.

Ethan Carter III promises that we’ll see the Cowboy tonight. I smell an impression.

KM orders a pizza and says his name is Billy. He takes the pizza from the delivery guy and starts eating but refuses to pay. The delivery guy says the bill says Billy but KM says that’s not his name. KM doesn’t like being called a liar and throws the guy out.

Here’s EC3 now dressed as a rather goofy cowboy. He talks about being a SOB from Boca Raton, Florida but sounds more like Waylon Mercy. Carter rode up on his steed Sebastian and sings a modified version of Friends in Low Places. Cue the real Storm for the beatdown but Carter takes off a boot and hits him in the head. Carter manages to handcuff him to the ropes and give him a whipping with a belt. Sounds like a strap match. The beating goes on for a good while with security taking their sweet time breaking it up.

JB annoys Josh again.

Hakim Zane/Idris Abraham vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.

Zane wristlocks Kid to start but Laredo puts him on his shoulders for a missile dropkick from Garza. Things speed up with Idris running the ropes until he floors Garza (who has removed his red pants for some reason) with a hard shoulder. Idris’ charge is countered with a powerbomb onto his partner though Zane is sent to the floor. A 450 gives Laredo the pin at 3:26.

Rating: C-. Sloppy match but they kept things moving fast enough to make this work. Kid and Garza are fine for your run of the mill lucha team and there’s always going to be room for something like that. Abraham and Zane looked good too though and with another tournament coming up for the GFW Tag Team Titles (which can’t just stay vacant and then disappear), it’s nice to actually set something up.

D’Angelo Dinero wants to make Impact great.

Ava Storie vs. Laurel Van Ness

This company doesn’t have a great mental health policy does it? Van Ness is still in the wedding dress and gets two off an early spear. A kick to the face and a running curb stomp is enough for the pin on Storie at 1:36.

Spud still wants to hurt Swoggle.

Here’s LAX, some of whom are sporting white face paint, for a Decay funeral. Konnan wants to show their disrespect and tells the champs to pour the ashes on the mat. This company threw their best team at LAX and now you have a dead clown and a monster eating through a feeding tube. Now it’s time for LAX to win the GFW Tag Team Titles for the sake of Latino pride. A fan waves an American flag and refuses to sit down. Cue the Veterans of War for the save, which is the only logical way to go. A fireman’s carry flapjack into a cutter plants Ortiz and LAX runs. Good segment.

Grand Championship: Marshe Rockett vs. Moose

Moose is defending but Rockett jumps him to start and hits a Harlem side kick for no cover. A dropkick knocks Marshe off the top though and Rockett chills on the floor for the rest of the round. Moose wins the first round and wastes no time, finishing Rockett with the sitout chokeslam at 35 seconds of the second round.

Rating: D. As usual, I have no idea what the rounds are supposed to add here. Moose could just as easily have hit the says thing for a win in about four minutes and I don’t get how a brief break changes anything. Moose dominated most of the match and won clean so what’s the point of the gimmick with the rounds?

Post match Tyrus comes out for a distraction, allowing Eli Drake to come in with some chair shots to Moose. Chris Adonis runs in for the Adonis Lock and more chair shots from Drake leave Moose laying.

More JB and Josh.

Dutch Mantel announces the return of Ultimate X between Trevor Lee, Andrew Everett and Low Ki for the title next week. This would feel like more of a surprise if the Ultimate X wasn’t above the ring.

Angelina Love vs. Alisha Edwards

Eddie Edwards is in his wife’s corner on crutches. Alisha charges at Love to start and we hear more about JB annoying Josh. Angelina’s comeback is cut off by a Futureshock but Davey Richards gets on the apron. That’s fine with Alisha who kicks the ropes between his legs, only to have Angelina hit Edwards in the back with a chain for the DQ at 2:32.

Eddie goes after Angelina but Davey crutches him in the knee.

Lashley will be watching the main event.

GFW World Title: Alberto El Patron vs. Magnus

Alberto is challenging and seems to have the fans behind him. An early armbreaker across the top rope has Magnus reeling and a clothesline makes things even worse. Magnus grabs a suplex and kicks away a bit as the champ is playing the de facto heel here. The back and forth continues with Patron hitting a top rope right hand to the jaw and grabbing a chinlock.

They fight to the top and both guys are knocked out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Alberto in control until he walks into a Falcon Arrow (not a sitout powerslam Josh) for two. Josh rants about Jim Ross tweeting him about how awesome he is and complains about JB some more as the guys head outside for nothing of note.

Back in and the Backstabber sets up the armbreaker on Magnus but the champ gets a rope. The Cloverleaf sends Patron to the rope as well and they head up top again. Alberto misses his top rope double stomp and hurts his knee. Magnus gets in a powerbomb but gets pulled down into the armbreaker for the submission at 18:23.

Rating: B. This felt like a main event match but the same problem persists: these two guys weren’t even in the company three months ago and they’re fighting over a title from a promotion that probably hasn’t even held thirty shows in the three years since it was founded (including all the co-promoted ones). Just drop the GFW stuff and let the Impact title be what matters.

That being said, this was quite the main event as they’ve really turned up the focus on the wrestling as of late. It’s not a classic or anything but I had a good time with it and the battle of the submission holds made it feel like a chess match. El Patron winning makes the most sense and should set up a rematch with Lashley at Slammiversary, which makes the most sense.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the best rating but they’re certainly moving in the right direction. The wrestling is getting better and the stories are getting tighter. That doesn’t mean the stories are great (or even good at times) but I’ll take a focused direction over random chaos almost any day. If they can knock off some of the nonsense (Josh vs. JB, Swoggle vs. Spud, the GFW stuff), they could be in a very good place in a hurry.

Results

Andrew Everett b. Caleb Konley, Dezmond Xavier and Matt Sydal – Frankendriver to Xavier

Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Idris Abraham/Hakim Zane – 450 splash to Abraham

Laurel Van Ness b. Ava Storie – Curb stomp

Moose b. Marshe Rockett – Sitout chokeslam

Alisha Edwards b. Angelina Love via DQ when Love used a chain

Alberto El Patron b. Magnus – Cross armbreaker

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 30, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

So we’re still in Orlando….with a regular episode of Impact. One might think they might try to do something special with the wrestling world’s eyes on their hometown but last week’s show ended with Karen Jarrett returning, seemingly to start a feud with heel commentator Josh Matthews. That’s special, right? Let’s get to it.

We open with a board meeting where Dutch Mantel is handing out ideas while Matthews wants to be in on everything. Karen comes in and says she needs one of the bosses to send Sienna to the ring. So wait: does Karen have authority or not? Dutch flat out said he’s not an authority figure yet he seems to be running things, so I guess Bruce Prichard is in charge? Can I get a flow chart? Anyway, Bruce and Dutch call the meeting because Josh and JB keep arguing.

The opening recap looks at the end of last week’s show with Matthews getting in Karen’s face and getting slapped down.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Karen to open things up as the announcers are already bickering. She’s here to talk about Maria Kanellis leaving, especially how Sienna has used the departure to become a huge bully. Cue Sienna (Why did Karen need Dutch/Bruce to get her to the ring if she can just call Sienna out?), who asks if there’s a problem.

Karen has been here a short amount of time and hasn’t heard one nice thing about Sienna. She’s not going to tolerate any bullying from anyone but Sienna wants to know where Karen heard this. Sienna thinks it was Allie and doesn’t think much of Karen because she didn’t marry her way into the show.

Cue a big man who Pope knows but the fans greet with a WHO ARE YOU chant. Karen looks terrified as the guy introduces himself as KM (Kevin Matthews, though not mentioned here) and says he’s Sienna’s cousin. KM shouts about demanding respect and tells Karen to shut up. Braxton Sutter and Allie come out for the save and now Karen has a backbone again. Sutter vs. KM is set for later. This was FAR longer than it needed to be, especially when most of it was just so Karen could do her best Stephanie McMahon impression.

The X-Division wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

DJZ vs. Andrew Everett

Everett kicks him to the floor to start but it’s time for a flip off, allowing the announcers to talk about AJ Styles. An armdrag sends Everett to the floor for a big flip dive, followed by some kicks in the corner. Speaking of AJ, Everett gets in a quick Pele but his moonsault hits raised feet. The ZDT is loaded up but Everett small packages him for the pin at 4:26.

Rating: C-. Impact Wrestling could go through a million bosses and regime changes and the X-Division would still get about five minutes in a meaningless match with the announcers talking about the good old days and how important it is while ignoring most of what happens in the ring. Such is life in the X-Division of course and I don’t see it ever changes. Either do something with it or scrap the thing already because this is just lip service at best.

Post match Gregory Shane Helms comes out to say that Everett has earned an opportunity of some sort for next week.

Fury will be unleashed on April 13.

We look back at the horrible Rebel vs. ODB match from last week with Earl Hebner kissing both of them for reasons of unfunny comedy. After a break, ODB and Hebner seemed to go on a date. There is no way this can possibly end well.

Here’s Rosemary, who has somehow been Knockouts Champion for five months, is here for the Burial of the Knockouts Celebration. She talks about all the women’s she’s destroyed but ODB comes out to interrupt. ODB calls herself a four time “Knocked Up Champion” and wants a shot at the title. Rosemary says the Hive disagrees and goes to leave but here are Brandi Rhodes and five other women to chase her back to the ring. A huge brawl breaks out and that’s enough to take us to a break.

Ethan Carter III wants to make Impact great again.

Announcers, bickering, nothing of note.

Here’s Carter for a chat. He wants to apologize to Karen for what happened last week but he wasn’t happy with the man he was becoming. This place is changing and he needs to change with it. Carter was the man who beat everyone around here and it’s time for him to get back to that point. He needs to be the real EC3 and become an EC3 time World Champion.

Cue James Storm in regular clothes (and with no music for some reason). He didn’t hear his name mentioned in Carter’s list of former World Champions (maybe because he was listing multiple time World Champions). Storm wants to know where Carter was when Storm was on the first pay per view. Carter: “At my buddy’s house watching the pay per view.” We hear about AMW and Beer Money so Storm wants to know where Carter was back then. Carter: “I was probably drinking a lot of beer and making a lot of money.” Storm: “Ok that’s a really good answer!”

Both of them want to be the World Champion again and, since they’re allowed to do this, they decide that the fans will get to pick which of them will be the new #1 contender. I like the idea of these two wanting to be World Champion and I especially like the idea of Storm being out of the DCC even more. This sounds like a way to turn Carter heel again, which would probably be best all around.

Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid want to win the Tag Team Titles tonight.

Reno Scum want to show everyone that they’re the best.

We recap Cody vs. Moose for the Grand Championship. Cody wants the title but Moose was in Japan so tonight they can finally have the title match.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Cody

Moose is defending but Cody comes out with his Nex-Gen Title again. Cody gets shouldered into the corner to start but a quick DDT drops Moose. That just earns Cody a powerbomb and a middle rope moonsault for two. A big chop hits the post though and Cody superkicks one of the judges by mistake, because this match didn’t have enough rules already and needed an angle. Cody can’t quite get a cover as the first round ends. Bruce Prichard comes out to replace the injured judge and it’s Moose winning round one.

Round two starts with Cody kicking the knee but missing a big kick to the head. Moose apron bombs him and grabs a chair, only to have Brandi get in his way. The distraction lets another leg shot set up the Figure Four but Moose hangs on to end the round. Cody wins the round to tie it up and round three starts with Brandi yelling at her husband and walking out.

They slug it out with Cody getting the better of it and the announcers bickering over Josh’s wife being a fair judge. I mean, she’s not a judge but she would be a fair one if she was. Moose peppers him with left hands but eats the Disaster Kick for no cover. They slug it out again and the round ends at 9:00 with neither having an advantage. Moose wins via split decision and Josh loses it.

Rating: C. This match showed my major problem with the entire concept: they had a nine minute match with a commercial and another break between the second and third rounds, yet at eight minutes in neither can stand up? You would think they should have a deeper gas tank than that. Nine minutes is a rather odd time limit, but then again so is a round system in general. Also, what was the point in the judge going down? I’m assuming Cody will claim conspiracy, because that’s the kind of original thinking that’s going to get this company to the top.

Video on Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards. Next week it’s a last man standing match.

Eli Drake wants to make Impact Wrestling great.

We look at Moose vs. Cody again.

Karen brings JB a message about a Knockouts gauntlet battle royal to crown a new #1 contender. I see absolutely no reason for Karen to have been out here for this scene.

KM vs. Braxton Sutter

The much bigger KM (billed at 6’8) drives Braxton into the corner to start but gets kicked in the face. KM dropkicks him down and we’re off to a quickly broken chinlock. Instead it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down, leaving the women to get into a chase on the floor. Sienna grabs Allie though and the distraction lets KM grab a powerbomb into a Backstabber for the pin at 3:37.

Rating: D+. The time hurt this and I’m glad it wasn’t a clean pin. Sutter hasn’t won a big match in months and I don’t know how much longer the strength of the wedding angle and his relationship with Allie can carry him. Giving KM a victory is a good idea and there’s nothing wrong with establishing new talent, but it might help to further establish your older talent first.

Post match the four of them get in a fight with the forces of good clearing the ring. Laurel Van Ness stumbles out, somehow looking creepier every single week. Sutter and Allie look terrified.

We go to the LAX clubhouse where Konnan talks to the team before the Tag Team Title match. Has anyone brought up that Konnan has brought in a team to fight against the team that works for his own company? Like, wouldn’t it mean more money if Garza and Laredo won? I guess loyalty goes before money? It would be nice to have it brought up at least.

Davey Richards wants to make Impact Wrestling better.

Fury is still coming.

Tag Team Titles: Garza Jr./Laredo Kid vs. LAX vs. Decay vs. Reno Scum

The titles are vacant coming in and this is one fall to a finish. Thornstone and Kid start things off with Scum taking over in a hurry. Ortiz tags himself in for some lucha, capped off with a backbreaker to drop the Kid. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Kid dives onto a huge pile of people, followed by Garza doing the same as we take a break.

Back with Garza getting two off a Lionsault but LAX makes the save. Abyss comes in and clotheslines Kid against the ropes but Scum tags themselves in for some corner clotheslines. Kid scores with a DDT so both members of LAX come in to clean house, including a top rope double stomp onto a hanging cutter to Steve. It means posing instead of covering though, leaving Rosemary and Diamante to get into a catfight. Ortiz loads Laredo up for a powerbomb with Santana coming off the top with a Blockbuster for the pin and the titles at 12:13.

Rating: B. I had more fun with this than I was expecting and LAX wining is the right call. We’ve had Decay as champions, Scum really isn’t interesting and the Crash guys are fine but nothing all that memorable. LAX is over and arguably better than any other team here so making them the new champions makes the most sense. Good action here too with a bunch of chaos, which is the best option given how little we know about the teams. Keep things moving and let the action be the draw.

Overall Rating: C+. This show accomplished one major thing above all others: it helped bolster almost everything on the show. We have people fighting to be #1 contender for the World and Knockouts Titles, the X-Division Title got a mention, the Grand Championship was defended and we have new Tag Team Champions. That’s quite the usage of two hours and it’s very nice to see them actually doing something with a lot of the roster instead of just doing the same stuff over and over.

Unfortunately, there’s a lot of bad stuff here to go right along with it. I know I asked this earlier, but who in the world is running this show? I know there are multiple names but various people seem to have authority at some point or another. The worst part is the show doesn’t even need an authority figure (just say the Impact Wrestling bosses have made a decision) but with three being introduced, you’re going to wonder who is running things.

One of the names who might have authority is Karen Jarrett and we saw WAY too much of her tonight. The far too long opening segment really didn’t need Karen as Sienna could have called out Allie to the same result. It really does come off like a Stephanie impression and that’s not a good idea, especially when Karen is supposed to be a face yet she was ready to fight Sienna, who should be able to kill her. So I guess she’s a hybrid between Stephanie and Shane?

On top of that, a lot of the wrestling really wasn’t that great. It was completely watchable but that’s not quite enough. When everyone is putting their best effort out for the biggest weekend of the wrestling year, you need to do something a little better than just a somewhat above average show. The main event is definitely the best thing about the show and it helped things quite a bit.

Overall the show had more good than bad but it needs a lot of work. Getting rid of multiple authority figures (and probably a title or two) would do some good and dropping the MAKE IMPACT GREAT vignettes would give them some more time for the matches. This was a good step in the right direction but since it’s Impact, I have no reason to believe it’s going to last.

Results

Andrew Everett b. DJZ – Small package

Moose b. Cody via split decision

KM b. Braxton Sutter – Powerbomb into a Backstabber

LAX b. Reno Scum, Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. and Decay – Sitout powerbomb/Blockbuster combo to Kid

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 2, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re in a weird spot here as this is the final taping before the promotion is completely overhauled into Jeff Jarrett’s new vision. It’s also the final show for a lot of talent, including the Hardys who have publicly stated they’ve left the company. Other than that we have Lashley defending the World Title against Josh Barnett. Let’s get to it.

Knockouts Title: Jade vs. Rosemary

No intro and Madison Rayne is on commentary. Jade is challenging and this is Last Knockout Standing. They start brawling in the aisle with Jade grabbing some German suplexes inside. Madison: “I think Jade knows it’s going to take more than some German suplexes to keep Rosemary down.” That’s the kind of commentary that people mock Madison for but I’m sure Josh will say she’s the best female commentator ever.

The weapons are brought in and Rosemary chokes Jade over the ropes. A short range Coast to Coast drives a garbage can into Jade’s face for a seven but Jade swings away with a kendo stick. Madison keeps prattling on until Pope cuts her off as Jade powerbombs Rosemary onto the can.

Jade comes off the top and dives into the mist and a Red Wedding (F5) for another near fall. Back up and Jade is knocked to the floor and another Red Wedding outside gets nine. Rosemary gets posted and Jade washes her eyes out before powerbombing the champion onto the steps. That’s still not enough to finish things off so Rosemary mists her again. A third Red Wedding on the stage retains the title at 11:09.

Rating: C. Jade hit a big move, Rosemary hit a big move, Jade hit another big move, Rosemary used the mist, Madison got really annoying every time she talked. This was entertaining while it lasted but it was also a very formula based match and a result we’ve seen so many times already. Rosemary really needs a new opponent and if it’s not Allie, I have no idea what they’re going for.

Moose wants Cody.

Matt Hardy has brought the family to his zoo for a day of togetherness. On top of that though, Matt wants to see how Jeff can handle his new found powers.

Moose calls Cody out for a fight and he doesn’t care what club he’s a part of. Cody comes in from behind as Josh rips on Moose for getting involved in Rhodes Family business. Moose fights back and powerbombs some production guys before getting into it with Cody again on the ramp. Wrestlers try to break it up and here’s Brandi to yell at Cody to stop. Cody agrees but beats up Josh Matthews instead. Well I’m a fan.

James Storm vs. Jesse Godderz

Josh is back on commentary and talking about his dedication to the job to be back. Tony Schiavone and Jim Ross would be out of action for months you see. Oh….joy. Storm jumps Jesse to start and grabs a belly to belly. It’s off to the Adonis Lock but here’s Kingston for a distraction so James can take out the knee. Josh: “I could have used someone like Kingston earlier when Cody was out here!”

We hit a quickly broken leglock as Josh is now insulting Jeremy Borash. Jesse fights up with a clothesline and gets two off a Blockbuster. Now we get to hear about Josh’s in-ring career (He was undefeated. Like a certain other heel commentator at Wrestlemania perhaps?) as Kingston gets inside. Jesse suplexes him and grabs another Adonis Lock to make Storm tap behind the referee’s back. Cue Bram to chair Jesse, setting up the Last Call for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: D. So you have two problems here and I’ll let you pick which is worse. First up, we have Matthews running his mouth non-stop and becoming the heel character who will be on the show for two hours straight every single week. Second, we have the DCC needing three weeks and cheating to beat Jesse Godderz, which is supposed to be a big deal. I really, really hope they make a change to commentary because Pope as the lead face and Josh as a heel isn’t going to work.

X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett

Lee is defending. Everett doesn’t waste time and gets in an early Pele to send Lee outside for a big flip dive. Another big flip dive takes Lee down again and a top rope Asai Moonsault has Lee reeling. Back in and Lee does his running C4 and hammers away but the announcers are arguing about something changing next week.

Lee stomps away in the corner and gets two off a clothesline as Josh tells Pope to cut out the comedy. A springboard missile dropkick puts Lee down but Everett can’t follow up. The hurricanrana driver plants Lee but Gregory Helms grabs the referee at two. Everett chases Gregory off and tries the shooting star which hits raised knees. Lee grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin to retain at 7:11.

Rating: C-. Everett was a good looking flipper and that’s about it. The Helms thing feels like an X-Division version of Ric Flair and HHH which isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. At least we had some entertaining stuff here but the division is in need of (another) overhaul and I don’t know if I believe TNA is going to do it.

Matt tells Jeff to feed a donkey named Vincent Van Gogh. Vincent tells him to get a shark and keep it in a salt water pool. Jeff has a pre-mo-nition that says they’ll be outnumbered in an upcoming fight. Everyone grabs Vanguard I and it’s time for the next trip on the Expedition of Gold.

Back from a break and the Hardys arrive at an undisclosed arena.

After a look at Lashley and Barnett warming up, the Hardys are backstage and demanding a shot at the National Tag Team Titles of the World. Senor Benjamin asks the #1 contenders (apparently named the Appalachian Outlaws, who won a sixty four team tournament) for their autographs and then electrocutes them. The Hardys offer to replace them and agree to work without being paid.

The match is made and turns into a hardcore brawl in the back with Matt being left alone. Jeff is stuck in the back getting beaten down by the Outlaws but Jeff and Benjamin bust out the fireworks. The Outlaws bail and Jeff comes back to the ring for the win and the titles, setting up a big celebration.

Drew Galloway comes up to Moose in the back and offers him a shot tonight.

Long recap of last week’s wedding.

Laurel is in the back, crying and screaming, still wearing the wedding dress and holding the champagne.

Global Title: Moose vs. Drew Galloway

Galloway is defending and kicks Moose in the face to start before it quickly goes outside. Drew gets the better of it and sends Moose into the steps, setting up the Celtic Cross onto said steps for a near countout. The bell saves Moose but he still loses the first round. The second round begins after a break with Moose kicking Drew in the face and running him over as a bonus. A moonsault gets two on the champ so he bails up the ramp, only to get caught like you would expect.

Something like an AA (not a Death Valley Driver) onto the apron drops Moose again but he powerbombs Drew onto the apron as well. Again it’s nearly a countout but this time Moose wins to tie the score. To continue the theme, they kick each other in the face to start the round. Moose is back up with the Game Changer for two but Galloway hits a Claymore and a Tombstone for the same. They slug it out with Moose getting the better of it and no selling another Claymore. A second Game Changer takes us to the end of the match at 15:13. Moose wins on a split decision and Josh starts complaining.

Rating: B-. This is mainly due to Galloway leaving and needing to get the title off of him in time. Now in theory that should have been done with the Hardys as well but you can’t expect TNA to get something right twice in a night. Anyway, they beat the heck out of each other here and Moose winning is the right idea, especially with a good performance like that. I’m not wild on Drew leaving but you have to get the title off of him here and that’s exactly what they did.

Drew throws a chair.

We get the same Barnett video from last week.

TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Josh Barnett

Lashley is defending and gets kicked in the head for his efforts. More kicks have Josh in control but Lashley takes him to the mat as we go to a break. Back with Lashley taking a jumping knee to the chest but grabbing an armbar to slow things down. The spear is countered into a cross armbreaker attempt but Lashley is in the ropes. Barnett’s keylock is countered and a spear gives Lashley the pin at 9:21.

Rating: D+. That’s an edited ending as there was originally a screwy finish with Barnett getting the pin but having it reversed a few moments later. As it is, this was little more than Lashley’s latest uninteresting test as Barnett doesn’t have much standing in TNA and his debut promo was weak at best. Just a match really and not a very interesting one, as is often the case with MMA style wrestling matches.

A preview of next week’s show with a list of names appearing (nothing out of the ordinary) takes us out.

Overall Rating: D+. And that’s it for this version of TNA. The big development here seems to be Josh Matthews doing his best Michael Cole impression. That character got old fast and Cole is FAR more enjoyable to hate than Matthews so I give this a good week before he’s the most annoying person in wrestling. Unfortunately it’s not in the good way but rather the “I’m not going to watch the show anymore because he’s driving me crazy” way that I’m sure a lot of fans will reach soon.

As for something resembling a season finale, it was fine enough with the Grand Championship changing hands and a main event with some resolution. I liked the show well enough, even though it’s not a show that is really going to mean anything going forward. When so much of the roster is gone and there’s a good chance a lot of it will be adjusted, there isn’t much of a point to this one. Still though, not horrible and that’s fine for what this was supposed to be.

Results

Rosemary b. Jade – Red Wedding on the stage

James Storm b. Jesse Godderz – Last Call

Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett – Rollup with a handful of trunks

Moose b. Drew Galloway via split decision

Lashley b. Josh Barnett – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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