Tim Leonard vs. Kerry Von Erich

Leonard tries to jump Kerry before the bell but Von Erich shrugs it off and puts on a stomach claw (exactly what it sounds like) for the submission in about 40 seconds.

Here’s the feud Kerry was getting ready for, from some point in 1982 in Texas Stadium.

Kerry Von Erich vs. Harley Race

The winner gets a title shot against Ric Flair. Kerry uses his speed to start and hits a nice dropkick but gets small packaged for two. Off to a headlock on the veteran but Race slams him down and tries a headbutt, only to have Kerry just hold up his hands to block it. The Claw goes on and Race is suddenly screaming but he’s able to send Von Erich to the floor. Kerry slams him down on the concrete though and calmly waits in the ring.

Back in and Race easily takes him down with a chinlock but Kerry quickly fights back up and nails a discus punch. The referee goes down in a rare sight at this point, meaning Race’s piledriver only gets two. They fight to the floor again with Race in full control and ramming him into various metal objects. Some knees to the head have Kerry in even more trouble but he’s able to post Harley for a breather. Back in again and Kerry hammers away before putting on a sleeper.

Race is bleeding from the eye and sends Von Erich into the buckle to escape. A nice suplex puts Kerry down but Harley can’t follow up. Another headbutt misses and Kerry gets two before slamming Harley off the top. They collide again and fall out to the floor for a slugout with Kerry taking over. Back in and Race goes up top for a cross body but Kerry rolls through for the big upset.

Rating: C+. This was the stadium match style played very well and it worked like it was supposed to. For a show in this big of an area, you have to do stuff that is going to get noticed very easily. Almost everything here was a big move that could be seen from a long way off and the match worked well. Also notice that Race, nearing the end of his time on top, is putting young stars over clean. That’s what aging veterans are supposed to do.

As you likely know, Kerry’s brother David was supposed to win the NWA World Title but a bad case of death got in the way. Kerry got a shot instead, at the David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions on May 6, 1984 in Dallas.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Kerry Von Erich

You can tell this is a long time ago as Flair is from Minneapolis still. Kerry comes out to some country song that started after the beginning of Tom Sawyer played. His robe says In Memory of David and has a yellow rose, which was David’s nickname. If Flair gets disqualified, Kerry is champion. Kerry overpowers him to start and they hit the mat at a standoff.

They go back to the mat and no one can get control again. Kerry takes over and hits a dropkick to put Flair into the corner. They fight over a top wristlock and Kerry takes over again. This is a long feeling out process to start. Kerry gets a press slam and Flair begs off, heading to the floor. Flair gets in some shots but Kerry is like not in Texas dude. Sunset flip gets two.

Kerry hooks a sleeper but Flair suplexes out of it to take over. The champ uses his regular stuff to control, including the knee drop. Kerry snaps off a dropkick which Flair doesn’t even go down from. Flair gets caught in an abdominal stretch but escapes quickly. Shoulder puts Kerry down but he grabs the Iron Claw. After escaping, Flair goes up top but is slammed down. Kerry escapes a pair of Figure Fours and grabs a backslide for the pin and the title shot. The rematch to that match launched the legendary Von Erichs vs. Freebirds feud.

Rating: D+. That’s it? I mean really, that’s it? This wasn’t even 12 minutes long. It came off more like a modern TV main event than anything else. Flair never had Kerry in anything resembling trouble, although Kerry never dominated either. To be fair though, you couldn’t have made this more obvious if you had painted a big sign saying “come see Kerry win the title”. His match with David had been built up already so this was thrown together at the last minute. The lack of hatred hurt it, but there’s only so much they could do here.

I have to include a Freebirds match here, and this might be the best of them all. From July 4, 1984 and Meltzer’s match of the year.

Six Man Tag Team Titles: Von Erichs vs. Freebirds

The titles are vacant and this is a Badstreet Match, meaning anything goes. The heat on Michael Hayes is just nuts but the Von Erichs are as over as free beer in a frat house. It’s Kerry, Kevin and the lowly Mike here. Mike tried but he just wasn’t very athletic and it caught up with him. The brawl is on while the announcer is still doing the intros and we’re told there are NO tags, instantly making this more awesome.

The Von Erichs clean house to start but the Freebirds are right back in to keep fighting. Kevin takes off his belt to hammer on Terry Gordy but Mike is thrown to the floor to give the Von Erichs a disadvantage. Terry is sent to the floor almost immediately after and Mike comes back in, only to hit Kerry by mistake. Gordy hits Mike low to put him down and this is going WAY too fast to keep up with.

Kevin has a boot off and is hitting any bird that he can find before a triple dropkick puts Terry outside again. He gets back in and nailed with the boot over and over again before Hayes is pulled back in over the top rope. Mike spends too much time beating up Buddy Roberts though and Hayes gets in a boot shot to the back of his head. Kevin slaps the Claw on Hayes but Gordy makes the save, only to get nailed with the boot some more.

Kevin is knocked to the floor as things slow down to just insane instead of unable to keep track of anything. Gordy rakes Kerry’s face as a cameraman goes down. Mike’s foot is caught in the ropes and Kevin is busted open. Terry hits Buddy with a boot by mistake and Mike sends Roberts to the floor. Everyone is back in again and with everything going nuts, Killer Khan comes in and blasts Kerry with something, giving Hayes the pin.

Rating: A-. Oh yeah I see why this is loved. They did not stop for nine minutes straight and just beat the tar out of each other the entire time. There’s no way you can have the Von Erichs lose a straight fight and this sets up the Von Erichs vs. Khan which is fine to keep things going. Great match, though I’m not sure on Match of the Year.

Von Erich had lost the title about a month after winning it, but had a rematch on January 6, 1985.

NWA World Title: Kerry Von Erich vs. Ric Flair

Flair being billed from Minnesota never sounds right. Mercer plays up the whole athlete vs. veteran which is very true. The Modern Day Warrior (Kerry’s awesome nickname) wins a top wristlock as we haven’t gotten into this very hard yet. They hit the mat and Kerry hammers away on the arm as he’s got enough energy that I’d believe he’s high as a kite.

Kerry is mostly controlling here and we get a staredown. Allegedly Kerry was voted most popular wrestler in the world according to PWI. That would be rather impressive given that Wrestlemania was right around the corner. Five minutes in and no one has a distinct advantage at all. Headscissors takes Flair down as he can’t figure out a way around the power here.

Flair grabs a leglock and cranks back on it but Von Erich grabs his chin and tries to hold him down for a pin at the same time in a spot I haven’t seen before I don’t think. Back to the headscissors now. A rope gets the champion out of trouble and here he comes. Ten minutes in now as Flair drops the knee. Kerry is sent to the floor and is bleeding slightly from the stomach. I think the cocaine is supposed to go into your nose dude.

Kerry comes back and hits a discus punch to send Flair reeling. There’s a sleeper which is called a sleep hold by Mercer. Flair is like screw that and goes after the knee. Backslide gets two for Kerry which is what he won the title with in the first place. Suplex gets a pin and it’s a Dusty Finish as Flair gets his foot under the rope. Why you sneaky Texans you!

Flair throws his feet on the ropes for two and the referee pulls him off which is probably not that smart. Here comes Kerry again and it’s Flair Flip time. He comes off the top but jumps into the Claw which is Kerry’s finisher. Flair gets a clean counter though and collapses seconds later with a Flair Flop. It says a lot when basic falls have their own names. Kerry hooks a Figure Four on Flair!

Flair is busted open despite not getting hit in the head. Why does that not surprise me in the slightest? Flair shoves the referee out of the ring but can’t get disqualified because of it. He gets to the rope and this referee gets all physical and breaks up the hold by himself. Another slam off the top sets up the Claw again as Flair is in big trouble. Somehow he manages to get a hiptoss to send Kerry over the top, and since this is the NWA, it’s a WEAK DQ!

Rating: C+. Von Erich didn’t have much in the way of offense but he knew how to time his stuff to make the most drama out of everything he did. The ending was WEAK as you would expect but it made Von Erich look strong still which is fine but it’s not like we couldn’t have a better ending. The match wasn’t anything great but it was entertaining and didn’t feel like nearly 20 minutes at all.

Kerry would be in a horrible motorcycle accident in 1986, putting him out of action for most of that year and almost all of 1987. This also resulted in him having a prosthetic foot for the rest of his life. Also around this time, the WWF was basically killing everything not called the NWA, so the rest of the promotions hooked up to form a massive organization minus any form of coherence. The idea was to unify the WCCW and AWA World Titles at a show called SuperClash III. Kerry was WCCW World Champion at the time.

AWA World Title/WCCW World Title: Jerry Lawler vs. Kerry Von Erich

This is a legit unification match which is rarer than anything you’ll ever see in modern wrestling. This would be like the TNA Champion and ROH Champion unifying their belts. See what I mean? The unification lasted like a month because no one could actually let that stand. Lawler comes out to Gonna Fly Now. That takes guts. Both guys are faces but Lawler is the de facto heel.

Kerry, ever the brilliant guy, cuts his left arm half to pieces TAKING HIS JACKET OFF, because that’s where he was keeping his razor. There is literally blood dripping onto the mat 5 seconds into the match. Lawler rams it into the post like 40 seconds in to give it a reason to bleed, which shows some intelligence. Marshall manages to confuse right and left. And people wonder why this company folded.

Kerry hits a big right hand to take over and keeps checking his cut. Marshall says both of them have beaten Flair, Savage and Hogan. That’s true in Lawler’s case but I don’t remember ANY instance of Von Erich even facing Savage or Hogan. Then again he messed up left and right not 2 minutes ago so I’d take that with a grain of salt. Von Erich gets a clothesline and Lawler is annoyed.

Still feeling out now. Again remember that Lawler is a legit tough guy here and not a comedy guy that is a grizzled veteran. School boy gets two for Kerry. They do a test of strength which even the announcers say is stupid for Lawler. Jerry misses a right hand and the discus punch gets two. Lawler sends him to the floor and takes over as we’re into the meat of the match now.

Piledriver is loaded up and hits but Kerry beats him to his feet. Another discus punch hits for two. Claw goes on but he can’t quite cinch it in. A knee drop misses and Jerry gets a second wind. And there goes the referee about ten minutes in. Von Erich gets a Piledriver and there’s no referee. There is blood everywhere. Outside and Kerry punches the post by mistake, shifting momentum again.

Lawler does the Memphis standard of pretending to have a foreign object to drive the fans nuts. There’s nothing in his hand but it looks great. Kerry’s head is busted now and Lawler goes in for the kill, hitting the middle rope punch for two. He throws in the foreign object on the second one but Lawler jumps into the Iron Claw on the stomach (just go with it). The regular Claw goes on and blood is literally dripping off Von Erich’s head. Jerry finally gets a rope but it goes on again, this time in the middle of the ring.

The referee keeps checking on the cut and Kerry keeps shaking his head to make it harder to do, probably thinking there’s too much blood there. They get up and Kerry misses a charge in the corner to send Kerry’s head into the post. I was wrong earlier as they’ve found new places to bleed on. They slug it out and Lawler gets the object again for another shot.

Kerry’s tights have blood on them and are half red now when they started as white. Jerry goes after the eye like a crazy man and just picks his shots now. Kerry misses a big swing and it’s Ali Shuffle time. Time for the object again and Von Erich hits the floor. Lawler gets a running punch back in and Kerry is somehow able to fight back.

Discus punch hits in the corner and the referee keeps wanting to check on the cut. They punch each other and the referee finally gets to check on the cut. The fans are totally behind Kerry here. Claw goes on again and Lawler is almost dead but gets his arm up at the last possible second a few times. The referee checks the eye again and stops the match with Lawler out cold. Not for Lawler passing out, but because Von Erich “can’t continue.” WEAK ending, especially when Lawler is unconscious.

Rating: B+. This would have been a lot higher if they got the ending right. The blood thing works if they’re both down or something, but with Lawler out cold in the Claw and somehow winning there, I don’t get how that exactly works. Still though, this wouldn’t last long at all as the AWA stripped their title off Lawler in January or so and Larry Zbyszko of all people won it due to being Verne’s son in law.

Part of this deal was the merger of the CWA and WCCW into the USWA. Kerry would appear on their main show on August 11, 1989.

Jimmy Jack Funk/Kerry Von Erich vs. Al Perez/Taurus Bulba

Perez vs. Kerry gets us going. They fight for position early and then get in each others’ faces. Kerry grabs the arm and it’s off to Jimmy Jack. The guys on the apron almost get into it out there as (and by that I mean Marc talking to himself) talk about the cage match. Kerry throws the chair at Taurus. Akbar is at ringside too. Lowrance talks about how all of the good things from WCCW will be around in the USWA also. Bulba comes in but misses an elbow to Funk. Back to Von Erich who LOUDLY says put your foot up, which is exactly what Taurus does in the corner. Bulba runs from the Claw and takes Kerry back down.

An elbow drop keeps Kerry down as Akbar talks about how awesome Devastation Inc is. Bulba comes off the top but jumps into the Claw. He makes the rope though and it heads to the floor. The Claw goes on outside and they go towards the crowd. Bulba goes into the post and allegedly we’re at 10 minutes. More like 4 but whatever. Tornado Punch sends Bulba into the barricade but Perez hits Kerry with a chair. Everything breaks down and somehow there isn’t a DQ.

We have four minutes left in the time limit and Kerry is double teamed in the corner. Perez hooks a sleeper on Kerry and takes him down with three minutes to go. Kerry gets out and punches Perez down. Off to Funk and everything breaks down again. Somehow we’re now down to one minute as they’re not even trying to hide the clock changes. A lot of pins are broken up but Kerry gets the Claw on Perez with 15 seconds left. And never mind because it’s a draw.

Rating: C. This was a pretty high impact brawl and I’d assume it was to advance a Perez vs. Kerry feud, which is fine. Bulba was a Mongolian which is a tried and true indy heel gimmick. Not a great match or anything but the crowd was into it and it wasn’t a bad match at all. The clock thing was just laughable though.

And again on January 27, 1990.

Texas Title: Chris Youngblood vs. Kerry Von Erich

Well Lawler is certainly better than Garvin. Lawler wants to know how Kerry can call himself a Modern Day Warrior when he’s a washed up has been. Kerry is defending of course. He wants Lawler gone for his match but Jerry is allowed to stay. Lawler leaves on his own so he can watch Youngblood take the title. Kerry punches Chris to the floor to start and grabs a quick Claw but Youngblood bails.

We take a break and come back with Youngblood chopping in the corner. There’s a guitar on a pole match coming up. Holy Russo Batman! Youngblood hooks a wristlock but Kerry comes back with a discus punch to tie Youngblood up in the ropes. Chris tries to leave so they fight on the floor with Kerry’s face going into the post. Kerry takes a chair to the back but it’s not a DQ. Kerry tries the discus punch but he hits the post.

Youngblood works over the hand now. He’s a Medicine Man if I didn’t mention that. Back inside and it’s time for an abdominal stretch. You know, after Kerry punched a steel post. Kerry escapes and loads up the Claw but Youngblood blocks it. Kerry settles for the Stomach Claw instead but Youngblood punches out of it and we head back to the floor. Back in the ring the discus punch hits again as does a piledriver. Youngblood is up way too fast so Kerry rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: C-. This match was nothing great but WOW what a breath of fresh air this was to have someone out there that was capable of showing some energy instead of just standing around and moving very slowly. Kerry may have been drugged out of his mind most matches but he could get a crowd going and that’s more than most people lately have been able to say.

Kerry would get signed up by the WWF soon after this and debut as the Texas Tornado. Here’s one of his first matches on Saturday Night’s Main Event XXVII.

Buddy Rose vs. Texas Tornado

This was more or less Von Erich’s debut. Screw the more or less part actually. Rose is one of two that opened the first Wrestlemanias actually. Vince makes a ton of fat jokes for Rose which are annoying. This is ALL Von Erich as it’s a squash. He gets in the basic stuff but Rose makes a short comeback, leading to the Tornado Punch for the pin.

Rating: N/A. It’s a squash to end the show. Von Erich would win the IC Title in a few weeks.

Sorry for the spoiler and here’s the match from Summerslam 1990.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Texas Tornado

Tornado launches him into the corner to start and Perfect has a breather on the floor. The idea is that Perfect hasn’t had time to plan for Tornado and doesn’t know how to deal with him. Back in and Perfect hooks a quick hiptoss but Tornado slams him down and clotheslines Perfect out to the floor.

Back in and Perfect hits a clothesline of his own and the necksnap has Tornado in trouble. Off to a sleeper on Tornado but he quickly makes the rope. Perfect tries slapping him in the face, but Tornado pulls him into a slingshot, sending Perfect head first into the post. The Claw hold and Tornado Punch are enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. This is a weird one as it’s about three and a half minutes of stalling before the fast ending. This was supposed to be Brutus Beefcake’s shot but he injured his face in a parasailing accident and Tornado was here as a surprise, which is likely why they went with the title change. Perfect would get the title back a few weeks later.

Kerry would be on a pretty awesome team of WARRIORS to open Survivor Series 1990.

The Warriors vs. The Perfect Team

Ultimate Warrior, Texas Tornado, Legion of Doom
Mr. Perfect, Demolition

I guess this team isn’t as Ultimate as last year. This is the three man version of Demolition. Perfect is feuding with Tornado (Kerry Von Erich, the IC Champion) and the LOD is feuding with Demolition after the LOD cost them the titles. Warrior, the world champion, is there because he has nothing else to do. His team is in the back before the match and says they’ll win. Actually the name Warriors is appropriate as you have the Ultimate Warrior, the Modern Day Warrior (Von Erich’s nickname in WCCW) and the Road Warriors (the LOD’s NWA name).

I’ll never get why the LOD and Demolition never had a big proper match. They fought on house shows but that’s about it. Perfect immediately goes to the apron and lets part of Demolition start. It’s Animal vs. Smash first and they fight immediately with Animal taking him to the mat. Animal throws him into Hawk for a right hand and the other Warriors get in a shot as well.

Smash comes back with a powerslam for two and it’s off to Perfect. That doesn’t last long so here’s Smash again, and he walks right into a powerslam. Everything breaks down and the Warriors clear the ring. Tornado comes in to face Smash who is taking a beating in this so far. Off to Ax who has much better luck for about ten seconds. There’s the Claw from Tornado but for some reason Warrior gets the tag and hits a series of awkward looking shoulder blocks before finishing Ax with the splash.

Crush immediately comes in to jump Warrior and take over. Smash comes in to slam Warrior and Crush drops a top rope knee for two. Perfect is freaking out in his trademark over the top style. Warrior gets up a boot in the corner and clotheslines Crush down. Off to Hawk who always looks like he could murder someone in the ring. Perfect tries him out and is immediately slammed down.

Hawk counters a reversal to send Perfect into the corner but Bird Man’s shoulder goes into the post HARD to give the evil ones the advantage. Demolition pounds away on him but Hawk punches right back. A big flying shoulder puts Smash down and Hawk doesn’t tag when he has the chance. The top rope clothesline kills Smash and everything breaks down. Hawk kicks the referee and somehow this disqualifies Hawk, Animal, Smash and Crush. We’re down to Perfect vs. Warrior/Tornado.

It’s going to be Warrior starting the handicap match but Perfect wants Tornado instead. Perfect immediately jumps him and is clotheslined out almost immediately after the jumping. Warrior bangs Perfect’s head into Heenan’s and sends Bobby into the front row. Tornado charges at Perfect and slams into the post to give Perfect the advantage for a bit. A buckle gets exposed somewhere in there and after Tornado’s face goes into it, the Perfectplex makes it one on one.

Perfect tries the Plex again on Warrior which doesn’t work at all. Instead he hammers Warrior down and hits a great looking dropkick for two. Having Perfect run things out there for as long as possible is the best idea they’ve got. Warrior starts grabbing the ropes and shrugging off all the offense from Perfect. A shoulder block and the splash get the final pin.

Rating: D. This was probably the worst Survivor Series match so far in the four years they’ve been running this show. Not only was the match lopsided from the start, but half of the people in it were gone seven minutes in. Perfect never had a chance and Warrior had no reason to be in this match at all.

Here’s a rematch with Perfect on December 12, 1990.

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Perfect vs. Texas Tornado

As Tornado already lost the title his fall into mediocrity would begin very soon. Von Erich jumps him before he even takes his jacket off. And never mind as he takes it off and Perfect throws him to the floor. Tornado Punch on the floor and Perfect’s selling continues to be awesome. Things finally calm down a bit as Tornado keeps hammering away and throws on a Boston Crab. So the Texan put a Boston…..nah I’ve used that too much lately.

Perfect is bumping so much that he’s bumping before he even gets hit. Claw Hold goes on but only for a few seconds as Mr. goes to the eyes. Sleeper goes on by Perfect to waste some time. After it gets broken up, Tornado’s shoulder hits the post which winds up going nowhere as Perfect takes a Tornado punch in the corner. He tries it again on the floor but punches the post by mistake.

Into the post goes his head this time which somehow isn’t a DQ but is a nice bit of continuity with their Summerslam match as Perfect hit the post there and said it cost him the match. Perfectplex gets two and a decent pop from the crowd. The Claw on the other hand, gets NOTHING. I was typing and didn’t even notice that the hold went on. Perfect pulls the referee in the way which again isn’t a DQ. Tornado Punch gets a long two and now it’s a DQ after he makes the count. No one ever accused 1990 of making a ton of sense.

Rating: D+. Match was kind of a mess here as Tornado was nothing of note at all from the second he lost the title on. The ending made no sense at all as the referee was totally biased if he wanted to count the pin before he was going to DQ Perfect anyway. Just a dark match at a Wrestling Challenge taping though so it’s not like it mattered.

Kerry’s stock would plummet soon after this but he would still have a singles match at Wrestlemania VII.

Dino Bravo vs. Texas Tornado

Von Erich popped into the company around Summerslam, won the IC Title from Perfect, lost it and was immediately a jobber to the stars until he went back to Texas. It’s a fast brawl to start but Bravo avoids the claw. Heenan is on commentary now. Von Erich runs into a boot in the corner and Dino takes over for a bit. The side suplex puts Tornado down for two and that’s about it for Bravo. A few seconds later it’s Claw and Tornado Punch for the pin on Bravo.

Rating: D. Nothing at all to see here and it’s a match that easily could have been cut. This was Bravo’s last televised match before he left the company for good a year or so later. Afterwords he would soon be murdered in an illegal cigarette smuggling operation in Canada. Now there’s a story that you can’t make up.

We’ll wrap it up with Kerry’s jobber to the stars days, starting with a man about to become World Champion. From November 10, 1991 on Wrestling Challenge.

Texas Tornado vs. Undertaker

I love old Undertaker’s blank stare that says he just doesn’t care about any of this and just wants to hurt people. An early Paul Bearer distraction lets Undertaker get in some cheap shots but Kerry clotheslines him to the floor. Naturally Undertaker lands on his feet and the brawl heads outside, only to have him come back inside for the Tombstone.

Rating: D. This was just a step above a squash but like I said, Kerry was just a jobber to the stars at this point. Undertaker would of course win the title in about two weeks and never really look back. Nothing to see here but the Undertaker was so perfect for the character that you couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

And from Prime Time Wrestling on July 12, 1992.

Shawn Michaels vs. Texas Tornado

Long stall session to start until Kerry shoves Shawn down with ease. Another right hand sends Shawn outside for a look into the mirror as the stalling continues. Shawn goes back in and is punched out almost immediately as we’re somehow four minutes into this. Kerry finally goes after him and gets in a tug of war with Sherri over Shawn. Naturally Michaels winds up on the floor again as this has been all Tornado so far. Back in again and Shawn finally gets a boot up to stop a charging Tornado.

Sherri gets in a shot of her own and the yet to be named superkick knocks Kerry silly. A right hand gets one on Shawn with Gorilla groaning at how lame Kerry’s cover was. The Claw goes on but Shawn gets to the ropes….for no break. Sherri pulls Shawn’s tights down because it’s required in his match, sending Shawn face first into the mirror to draw blood. Kerry went outside as well though and Sherri throws Shawn back inside for the countout.

Rating: D. This was pretty messy with the ending being even worse. It was clear that Kerry’s head just wasn’t in this anymore and he wouldn’t be long for the WWF. From what I can tell he was putting Kamala over soon after this before leaving. Let that sink in for a minute. He had to make KAMALA look good.

Kerry would shoot himself in February of the following year just after he turned 33. Allegedly it was due to his personal life falling apart and a long jail sentence looming. Overall Kerry is a very talented guy but the personal issues got to him. He was a BIG deal in the 80s though and even got the World Title. Yeah it was under some shaky circumstances, but he held the gold and that’s all that matters. It’s a shake what happened to him as he could have been a big deal for years to come.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Survivor Series at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

Today is the man of a million gimmicks, but his most famous is Brutus Beefcake.

Ed Boulder/Dallas Montgomery vs. Ron Bass/Pete Austin

This is Boulder’s debut in Memphis. Bass makes fun of Ed’s long blond hair before the match gets going to give us a bit of a story here. The heels jump Ed and Dallas to get things going with Bass cutting Boulder open before the bell. The dominance is on quickly with the heels taking turns on Boulder. There isn’t much to talk about here as Boulder and Dallas have gotten in no offense so far and Bass is just mauling Ed. The match is finally stopped due to brutality.

Like most wrestlers of this era, Boulder had a cup of coffee in the AWA. Here’s a match from Super Sunday 1983.

Wahoo McDaniel vs. Dizzy Ed Boulder

Boulder is more famous as Brutus Beefcake and has long blonde hair here. He looks to be roided out of his mind also. Feeling out process to start and Wahoo chops him down hard. Jerry Lawler jumps in on commentary. Test of strength goes to Wahoo and he grabs a top wristlock. Down to the mat and Wahoo drops knees onto the arm. Boulder takes him down and drops some knees onto Wahoo. To be fair that’s a large target so it’s hard to miss.

Lawler talks about winning his match and being glad it didn’t end in a DQ. Boulder slams him down and drops another knee and then ANOTHER. He must have dropped about seven so far. Now to mix it up he chokes with the knee as well. Wahoo gets whipped into the corner and Boulder goes after the knee a bit. The announcers talk about the main event as Wahoo comes back with chops and a right hand to the ribs. Wahoo rams him into the corner a few times and goes on the warpath. A big chop sets up a big elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was really boring. Wahoo was a guy who got over for his character and toughness, but his in ring work never quite worked all that well. Either way, this wasn’t very interesting at all but at least it was short. Also having Lawler on commentary makes a wrestling match feel right for some reason.

Beefcake would become his most famous gimmick in the WWF, with one of his first matches coming at MSG on October 22, 1984.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Tony Garea

Brutus struts to start before shoving Tony into the corner. Tony comes back with some right hands and a headlock to slow things down one more time. Back up and a cross body gets two for Garea and it’s back to the stupid headlock. Beefcake counters into a headscissors to really crank things up before choking away. Brutus pounds away but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Tony to get in some right hands of his own. Back up again and Garea gets two off an O’Connor Roll, only to get caught by a knee to the head for the pin.

Rating: D+. Garea is a good guy but Brutus wasn’t worth much at this point in his career. The match was kept short to prevent Brutus from looking weak which was a good idea, but it didn’t make it an easy sit. If it sounds like I’m rambling to fill in space here, it’s because this show has dulled my brain very badly.

Brutus would be on the first Wrestlemania card, facing the son of a legend.

David Sammartino vs. Brutus Beefcake

Sammartino was the son of a legend and had a good way into the business as a result. He had a good look on top of that, but he had one thing holding him back: he had no talent. His “career” was really just a way to keep Bruno around for a few more years to draw in some extra crowds and that’s the only reason this match is happening. Beefcake is new at this point and is nowhere near what he would become so this is going to be pretty bad.

David’s height doesn’t help him either as he’s about 5’8 or so. They head to the mat to start and Brutus has to bail to the floor for a breather. Back in and Sammartino takes it right back to the mat with a front facelock. A legdrop to the arm has Beefcake in trouble and it’s time to talk to the managers a bit. Beefcake comes back with a headlock takeover but David grabs the legs to work them over a bit.

Off to a leg lock as we keep things very basic so far. Brutus fights up with his leg seeming fine all of a sudden. He drops some forearms to David’s back and there’s a hard whip into the corner by Beefcake. David comes back with a backdrop and they slug it out a bit. Sammartino strikes like his daddy. A suplex gets two for David but Brutus sends him to the floor. The managers get into a fight and both guys run in for a double DQ.

Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade as it’s a competitive match and not completely terrible, but the problem is how low level of quality this was. Neither guy was terrible but you could tell they were trying which makes a big difference. This could have been WAY worse but it just wasn’t that good in the first place.

Here’s a match from less than a month later from Best of the WWF Volume 4. No story to it but with this matchup, you don’t really need one.

Dream Team vs. Tito Santana/Ricky Steamboat

This is in Toronto. My goodness that’s quite a face team. Ricky vs. Beefcake starts us off. The ring is quickly cleared and Ricky hits what we would call a springboard forearm to take over. Off to Tito as the camera stuff is really all over the place here. Jesse sounds like he has a sore throat. Valentine and Santana stall a lot so Brutus slams Tito and then brings in Greg.

Valentine misses an elbow and it’s back to more stalling. I can barely recognize Jesse’s voice. That’s how messed up it is. Big clothesline puts Valentine down but the Figure Four is broken up. Greg takes over and works over the arm. Off to Bruti who can’t do much more than choke at this point. This is before the Expresses established the tag team formula so things are a bit different here.

Tito grabs an armbar but his back is to the wrong corner so he can’t get anything going. Back to Beefcake in control via a headlock. In a nice sequence, Beefcake points at Steamboat to distract the referee and Valentine gets in a shot to the back of Santana. With Ricky trying to get in, Santana gets on all fours and tries to bob and weave, eventually diving through Beefcake’s legs for the HOT tag to Steamboat.

Sleeper goes on Beefcake but he pretty easily breaks it up. Valentine comes in to hammer on Ricky and an eye rake slows the Dragon down. The Dream Team (not sure if they’re named that yet or if Steamboat is the Dragon) works him over and Valentine starts loading up the Figure Four but Steamboat small packages him for two. Steamboat fights out of the corner and makes ANOTHER hot tag to Santana. The forearm gets two on Valentine and everything breaks down. Ricky is sent to the floor but he comes back off the top to take Brutus out. Santana counters an atomic drop, hooks the leg and the Figure Four ends this.

Rating: B. Great old school tag match here and more proof that you don’t need some big long back story to have a great match. These four had no history together outside of Valentine beating Santana for the IC Title and that was like 6 months prior to this. Very fun wrestling match here and we didn’t need Teddy Long to book it.

Since he’s teamed with him about a million times, here’s Beefcake against Hogan from August 17, 1985.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Brutus Beefcake

This is from Landover, Maryland which I think is just outside of Baltimore. Hogan is in white again as the yellow wasn’t quite finalized yet. This is the Dream Team Brutus so he’s just a tag wrestler for the most part. This would be just a step ahead of Edge vs. Justin Gabriel today. Brutus struts a lot. This is from August of 85 apparently. Basically every time Hogan goes for a punch Brutus struts away so Hogan finally does the same thing for a nice reaction.

Clothesline by Hogan puts Brutus down and an atomic drop puts him on the floor. Back in and Brutus lands some forearms and Hogan goes flying. You would think he had been shot or something. Hogan rams him into the buckle and chokes away, showing off that extensive offensive repertoire. Hogan throws a headbutt for the third match on this tape with the commentators saying they’ve never seen it before. This is the earliest chronologically here so maybe they haven’t seen it at this point.

Brutus takes over again and sends Hulk to the floor. Hogan fights back with his usual stuff and bites Brutus’ head. Brutus is like boy you don’t bite the Booty Man and sends him into the railing. That gets two back in the ring. Powerslam by Beefcake gets two. There’s a bearhug which is an odd move as Brutus isn’t a very muscular guy at this point. This eats up a good minute and a half to two minutes.

Hogan fights out of it and hits a big clothesline to take Brutus down. An elbow sets up a bunch of left hands (it was 1985 so he didn’t have the routine down just yet). There’s the big boot and then a slam to set up the legdrop….for two? Oh ok Johnny V, the manager of Brutus that I may not have mentioned, distracted Hogan. A high knee from Brutus takes Johnny down and Hogan rolls up Brutus to end it.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t anything great at all. The problem at the end of the day is that Brutus meant nothing here and didn’t have any real history with Hogan. Heenan’s guys had a history against Hogan but Johnny V was a nothing manager with like one tag team to his name that meant anything. Boring match and not Hogan’s bread and butter which hurt it a lot.

Beefcake would team up with Greg Valentine as the Dream Team and win the Tag Team Titles in late 1985. Here’s a title defense from Saturday Night’s Main Event #5.

Tag Titles: British Bulldogs vs. Dream Team

The Dream Team has Beefcake and Valentine and are the champions. If you’ve seen Mania 2, you know the ending here. The Dream Team comes out to We Are the Champions. That’s very awesome. Johnny Valiant, the manager for the champions talks about how losing in a non-title match means nothing.

Smith and Valentine start us off which should be good if nothing else. They’re going fast paced which is always fun. The 80s were the glory days of tag team wrestling and this is no exception. I love this kind of stuff so don’t expect a lot of play by play here. Albano and Valiant are about to fight on the floor and the teams join them as we hit a commercial. And now the heels take over.

Valentine even goes to the middle rope so you know he’s into this one. Dynamite comes in and cranks it up. He’s like Benoit so you know he’s going to be intense out there. In a creative ending, Valentine and Kid ram heads and Valentine lands on him for the pin to retain. I like that.

Rating: B-. Not bad at all here. They went with the formula and it worked quite well and when you throw in a solid finish, what more can you ask for? Like I said, this was the best time for tag wrestling ever so this was light years ahead of the best you see today. This is real tag stuff, not four singles guys having a 2-2 match.

Here’s a rematch between those teams from Wrestlemania II, in what is arguably Beefcake’s best match ever.

Tag Titles: Dream Team vs. British Bulldogs

The Dream Team is Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine and they’re defending. For absolutely no apparent reason, the Bulldogs have Ozzy freaking Osbourne in their corner. Smith and Valentine start things off with Davey pounding away in the corner. Off to a wristlock before Dynamite comes in to send Valentine into the buckle for two. There’s the snap suplex for no cover and it’s back to Davey for the delayed vertical.

Greg gets in a few shots in the corner including a forearm to the back to take over and finally bring in Brutus. He cranks on the arm and is immediately gorilla pressed down by Smith. Dynamite comes in again and gets two off a small package. Beefcake makes a blind tag though and Valentine comes in off the top via another forearm to the back and the champions take over. Kid comes right back and pounds away before bringing Smith back in.

The Bulldogs hit a double headbutt for two for Kid but Brutus comes in sans tag to switch momentum right back. Valentine gets two off a kneeling piledriver but falls victim to the Arn Anderson self-crotching mistake. He continues the Horsemen theme by going up top and getting slammed down ala Flair as everything breaks down. Dynamite gets sent to the floor so Smith comes in with the powerslam (not yet the finisher) for two on Valentine.

Davey misses a charges into the post though and his shoulder is hurt in a hurry. Brutus comes in to work over the arm and hits a kind of hammerlock slam. Valentine hits a shoulderbreaker but pulls up before covering. In a VERY sudden ending, Dynamite gets on the top rope while still illegal and Davey rams Valentine’s head into that of Dynamite for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. It’s not a great or even a very good match but after nearly two hours of lame wrestling with nothing matches, this was a great breath of fresh air. The Bulldogs would be champions for the better part of a year while the Dream Team would survive for another year before splitting at the next Wrestlemania. Good stuff here though.

The team would split up at Wrestlemania III with Beefcake turning face. Brutus would feud with Valentine for awhile afterwards, including this match from June 23, 1987.

Rougeau Brothers/Brutus Beefcake vs. Dream Team/Johnny Valiant

This is a dark match from a Superstars taping in Indianapolis. Ray vs. Dino to start us off. Dino keeps running as you would expect him to. Valentine tries to cheat by holding Ray but Ray avoids the jumping knee. The place ERUPTS on something that simple. It’s amazing how you never see that anymore. Beefcake comes in and goes for Greg’s hair, resulting in the heels congregating on the floor.

Valiant, a manager remember, hides on the floor. Beefcake gets caught in the corner and even Valiant gets in some time on offense. Beefcake grabs a sleeper on Valentine but Valiant makes the save. Both Rougeaus come in and pound on Bravo as the place loses its mind. Boston Crab by Ray is broken up by Valentine, which draws Ray into the bad corner.

Back to Greg who gets a shoulderbreaker for two. In a pretty impressive power display, Ray counters a piledriver into the position for an Alabama Slam, but instead he walks towards his corner with Valentine on his back. Greg doesn’t let him get the tag but still it was impressive. Ray is on the floor and we’re clipped to a later point of him on the floor. Bravo drops another elbow and we’re clipped to Valentine in there instead.

Back to Bravo and Dino hammers away. This is the WWE 24/7 version so the big WWF Superstars of Wrestling banner is censored. Off to Johnny V and they just kind of let Ray tag in Brutus. He and Jacques clean house and it all breaks down. The heels are all thrown together and a pair of dropkicks send the non-managers to the floor. Valiant is put in the sleeper and we’re done.

Rating: C. This was fine. You never see stuff like this in modern wrestling and that’s a shame. There’s nothing too bad here and it was just a six man tag. The fans get to be happy and the faces get a win. There’s no bigger plan here and none of the guys really seem to be all obsessed about moving up the card. All that matters here is getting a win. Why can’t we see more of that?

Beefcake would start flying up the card, receiving an Intercontinental Title match at Wrestlemania IV.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. Brutus Beefcake

Sherri Martel is with Honky as Peggy Sue here which is a pretty amazing character change for her. This is during Honky’s insanely long run that drew a ton of money and is pretty awesome all around. Brutus hits a quick atomic drop and messes with Honky’s hair to play with his mind a bit. Honky bails to the floor as Jesse and Gorilla debate crooked referees. Back in and Beefcake rams Honky’s head into the buckle a few times as this is one sided so far.

A high knee sends the champion back to the floor but once back in, Beefcake gets caught by a shot to the stomach. Honky takes over and stomps away which is about the extent of his offense. He loads up the Shake Rattle and Roll but drops it and goes back to stomping. Honky tries it again but Brutus grabs the rope to block it. Beefcake pounds away a bit and grabs his sleeper but Jimmy knocks out the referee. Honky gets knocked but but there’s no referee so Brutus celebrates like an idiot. Brutus cuts Jimmy Hart’s hair for fun and Honky walks out. It’s a DQ I think.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as this show is just going WAY too long at this point. We’re only about two and a half hours into it and we’ve got four matches left. Brutus was just another guy in there to not get the title off Honky, which adds him to a list of about 10 guys who couldn’t do it. Honky would get his soon enough though.

We’ll jump ahead a bit more to Summerslam 1989 where Beefcake teamed up with Hulk Hogan to face Zeus and Randy Savage in the main event of the second Summerslam.

Zeus/Randy Savage vs. Brutus Beefcake/Hulk Hogan

Before we get going, Liz gets her own full entrance as the secret weapon. It’s a brawl to start but Hogan can’t hurt Zeus. He goes to the eyes but can’t slam Zeus down so the monster chokes Hulk down. Beefcake tries to dive on Zeus but gets caught in midair. Now it’s a bearhug on Hogan but here’s Savage off a tag. Why in the world would you change when you had Hogan in trouble like that? A top rope ax handle gets two for Randy and it’s off to the sleeper.

Hogan elbows out of it and hits some shoulder blocks but Zeus knees him in the back to slow him down. Back to Zeus for another bearhug which takes Hogan down to the mat for some two counts. It’s back to Savage to snap Hogan’s throat over the top rope and a suplex gets two. Savage misses some elbow drops and there’s the hot tag to Beefcake. A high knee gets two on Savage and Beefcake hooks his sleeper. Savage rams him into the middle buckle and it’s off to Zeus, but Brutus puts him in a sleeper as well.

Randy breaks up the hold with Sherri’s loaded purse but he suckers Hogan into the ring instead of covering. Hogan stops Savage from attacking Liz but Beefcake is still in big trouble. Back to Zeus for some choking on Beefcake until the referee makes the save. Savage comes back in but walks into a double clothesline to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house but Sherri trips Hulk up to give Savage control again.

The big elbow hits but Hogan is up before there’s any cover. Savage runs away and it’s time for the showdown with Zeus. Hogan pounds away and finally puts Zeus down to one knee. Liz takes out Sherri and Beefcake intercepts Savage, causing him to drop the loaded purse. Hogan blasts Zeus in the face with the purse, slams him down and drops the leg for the pin.

Rating: D+. Amazingly enough, a non-wrestler like Zeus wasn’t capable of having a good match on any size of a stage. Beefcake and Savage were just window dressing here, but in this case the window dressing carried the match for his team. Zeus was just horrible here and was basically the original promotional stunt for a wrestling movie, which never works.

Beefcake’s next feud would be against the undefeated Mr. Perfect, who attacked him at Royal Rumble 1990. This set up a showdown at Wrestlemania VI.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Mr. Perfect

This is one of the biggest matches on the card. Beefcake starts fast and punches Perfect to the floor with a single right hand. Back in and another punch sends Perfect flying over the top rope again. Brutus pounds away some more and Perfect gets to do his over the top bumping. A running clothesline puts Perfect down and Beefcake calls for the sleeper as Mary Tyler Moore of all people is here.

Perfect’s manager the Genius (the original Damien Sandow. They both even did cartwheels) slides in his metal scroll to Perfect and a shot to the head gives Mr. control. Perfect pounds away with some slow shots to the chest but the fans are staying into this. Beefcake comes back with the required slingshot into the required head first into the post bump by Perfect which is enough for the win out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. The crowd carried this one as Beefcake wasn’t a great worker but he had more charisma than he knew what to do with. Perfect was a leading candidate to face Hogan here so he was certainly a top heel. The match wasn’t great but it was more than enough to fire the crowd up again here. Granted the crowd is already white hot so no complaints here.

Post match Brutus goes to cut Perfect’s hair but Genius steals the clippers. Beefcake chases down the worthless Genius for a sleeper and a haircut. Brutus’ SWEET music is playing the whole time on top of that.

Soon after this, Beefcake’s face would be destroyed in a boating accident, putting him on the shelf for several years. He would return in early 1993 and team up with Hulk Hogan as the Mega Maniacs. Now I’m sure you’ve seen the match against Money Inc. for the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania IX, so here’s a different match from March 8, 1993.

Beverly Brothers vs. Mega Maniacs

The Mega Maniacs would be Hogan and Beefcake. Someone thought THIS was a good idea? This would imply early 93 to me. Beefcake and one of the Beverlies start. Does it really matter? Before any contact is made Hogan comes in instead. The commentary is clearly after Mania as he’s credited as a 5 time champion but had no belt when he came in.

Pure dominance to start of course. Hogan is MUCH smaller than normal here as this was around the time of the steroids trial. Heenan explains why he hates Hogan: Hogan can get away with things that Heenan never could. That’s 100% true but of course no one but Heenan and Jesse would point such a thing out. Beefcake has a messed up face at this point but of course he’s just fine after getting it rammed into the top buckle.

Beefcake gets beaten down for a bit and I think you already can see the ending coming from a mile away. Were the Beverly Brothers supposed to have a gimmick? If they did I’ve never been able to get what it was. It’s a shame as they were very good in the AWA. Beefcake makes the I guess you could say hot tag to Hogan and you can fill in the blanks yourself. A Megaphone shot ends the match for Hogan of all things rather than the usual stuff. That was weird.

Rating: D. For a 6 minute match this was rather boring. The Beverlies were the jobbers of the tag division so it’s not like this was a shock in the slightest. The Hogan/Beefcake team would be done just after Mania as Hogan headed to retirement for about a year after King of the Ring. This was fine for what it was, but it was just bad overall. At least the people got to see Hogan though, even though he was more or less done at this point.

Hogan would leave for WCW soon after this so of course it was off to Atlanta for Beefcake as well. He would be called Brother Bruti but soon betray Hogan. Somehow Beefcake got to main event Starrcade 1994 as the Butcher, challenging Hogan for the belt.

WCW World Title: The Butcher vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan’s music stops for the big match intros then starts up again after his introduction. Commissioner Nick Bockwinkel sends Sullivan and Avalanche to the back. Hogan (the champion of course) shoves Butcher away but Butcher goes to the eyes to take over. The announcers talk about these two being longtime friends, with Heenan saying this is like watching Andy beat on Aunt Bea. They head to the floor with Butcher ramming Hogan into the barricade and choking away with a cable.

Jimmy Hart steals a chair from Butcher as Heenan cheers Butcher on. Hogan comes back and sends Butcher into the post before hitting him with a chair. Now Hogan chokes with a cord as well before we head back inside where Butcher hits a running knee to the face. A powerslam gets one for Butcher as he pulls off of Hogan. Butcher misses a middle rope elbow and Hogan comes back with right hands to the head. The champion bites Butcher’s head and pounds away in the corner as Hogan is in full control.

Butcher comes back with some throat shots before we hit the nerve hold. Hulk fights up and hits a shoulder block, only to be knocked back into the ropes. There’s Butcher’s sleeper but Hogan is almost immediately fighting up. Butcher takes him back down and lets Hogan go, but Hogan is playing possum. The challenger covers and Hogan of course shoves him off at two. As is Hogan’s custom, he fires off right hands, beats up the other invading Faces of Fear and hits the legdrop to retain the title.

Rating: F. At the end of the day, this is Hulk Hogan beating up a guy who has done absolutely nothing of note over the years but is Hogan’s good friend. In other words, this had nothing to do with the Butcher’s ability or anything like that, but rather that he was friends with Hogan. The match was horrible with Hogan never being in anything resembling danger, making this a horrible choice for the Starrcade main event. Other than maybe 1992, this was probably the weakest main event to date.

Beefcake would get yet another gimmick as the painted Zodiac, who would face Randy Savage at Halloween Havoc 1995.

Randy Savage vs. Zodiac

Zodiac has what would become Rey’s music soon. It’s Brutus Beefcake being able to only say yes or no. Yeah it didn’t work. I’m stunned too. Ok so apparently Luger and Savage have to win their matches earlier in the night to get a match with each other tonight. If just one wins then…nothing happens I guess. Well ok then. I love that rock version of Pomp and Circumstance.

Savage jumps him early and is dominating. A fan runs into the ring and stays in there for like 20 seconds with the referee just owning him. Security gets rid of him as Savage wins with the elbow in less than two minutes. This was supposed to be Kamala but he left the company. No one else noticed. Total squash so no rating.

Things would be a bit better when Zodiac became Booty Man and fought Diamond Dallas Page at Uncensored 1996.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Booty Man

Oh where do I even start here. Ok, Booty Man is Brutus Beefcake first of all, who is freshly face again, having been a heel in the Dungeon of Doom, only to be thrown into this match with the explanation that he was sent in by Hogan as a spy and was really a good guy all along. That….actually could work. I mean think about it: is that really such an insane plot idea?

I certainly wouldn’t think so. I mean it’s certainly not great or fleshed out or anything, but considering it was likely thrown together at the last minute it’s fine by me. Now, you might be wondering why we’re even having to talk about Brutus here. Well, this was supposed to be Johnny B. Badd fighting DDP for the 12th time in a week or something like that, as they had been feuding forever.

Why were they feuding? Well, DDP was this poor guy that got some money together and went to play Bingo with Kimberly. He bought her ticket and she won $12 million dollars at a freaking Bingo game. I want to play in that game! Anyway, they went to court over it and the judge gave it to her. The thing was, he had already spent a ton of it, and Johnny was the only guy that would defend her.

The TV Title got involved in there too but it wasn’t important. Anyway, this is money vs. career so there we are. Badd had jumped ship about two weeks before this to WWF as Marc Mero and debuted 7 days after this. So with no one at all to go to, they turned Brutus into the Booty Man of all things and we have this.

Think about that story for a bit: that’s pretty much the main midcard feud: a feud over a game of Bingo, and people wonder why this company sucked so much at this time. DDP is allegedly penniless here, but he has enough to get tights and boots. He’s doing some almost biker gimmick or something here too. Oh and Kimberly is called the Booty Girl now. Page looks awful here. Brutus is wearing the same tights he wore as the Barber but now he’s wearing a headband and has a REALLY bad song.

They bury Badd before the match, saying he decided he just couldn’t compete in WCW anymore. Ouch. Dang shame he had about 5 times as big of a career in WWF than he ever would have in WCW where he would have been swallowed by the NWO in six months and gone to WWF for half the money later on. Yep, his life sucked. Sadly, we haven’t even started the match at this point.

We start with Page hiding and smoking a cigar as Brutus is apparently a Hulkamaniac. The way his tights are cut Brutus looks like he’s wearing a really big thong. They haven’t actually made contact yet. HE LOCKED UP WITH HIM! HE LOCKED UP WITH HIM!!! After that, we waste some more time. We’ve been going for almost three minutes before they actually do any real wrestling.

We get a great line of after the money came in, the Diamond Doll (Kimberly) got built up with Page. Think about that for a minute and you’ll get it. Anyway, they finally get going here and in a funny bit, Heenan starts talking about the angle and Dusty talks over him. Bobby starts getting upset and complaining, saying that he won’t talk anymore and it’s now the Tony and Dusty Show. BOBBY, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THINGS GOOD AND MADE OF PORK TALK TO US!!! DON’T DO THIS TO US!

Thankfully he’s back a few seconds later. Dusty actually says Brutus is a skilled mat wrestler. Yep, that’s what he said. Anyone want to place a bet on him topping that one later on? As Dallas is on the floor, Kimberly comes out looking like a roller disco cheerleading French maid. Trust me, you would describe her the same way. This is just horrible. It’s more or less a dance recital with some arm work in there.

That was the absolute worst mistiming thing I’ve EVER seen. DDP reverses an Irish Whip and then I have zero clue what they were planning as Page lays down on his back and Brutus bent forward after running like he was going to back drop Page. I really don’t know what that was supposed to be but even the announcers can’t hide the fact that it was horrible looking.

I mean TONY FREAKING SCHIAVONE says “Oh what was that?” in a very sarcastic tone. They try to say it was a botched arm drag but that doesn’t work. OH! They repeated the spot (dingbats) and it was supposed to be Brutus goes for a cross body and Page ducks. The problem was that the first time I think Brutus was thinking shoulder block or something. It was so obviously a repeat of the spot and it just looked awful.

You can tell that Page, who likes to map stuff out, has no clue what to do here. He liked to have his whole matches scripted beforehand, something Randy Savage was notorious for in his best days, but this was thrown together so there we are. Also, this is nowhere NEAR the DDP that you’re used to. Kimberly wants Brutus to be her boyfriend. That’s her exact line. Is she wanting to participate in a drug intervention or something?

In another jab at Badd, they say that Page signed to fight bad and the announcers unanimously agree Page would have won. They say a heel would beat a face, which sums everything up. Heenan says if she’s looking for a boyfriend to put an ad in the paper. Bobby says that in that outfit the only person she could get is a fellow acrobat. Page kisses Kimberly, leading to a high knee for the pin.

Brutus “keeps” Kimberly due to the stipulation. WCW: a slave trader’s paradise! Brutus kisses her. I’d recommend about a week in a dentist’s office along with a high dose of antibiotics. She’s the Booty Girl now. I’m out of jokes here so post amongst yourselves. Page would of course be back and somehow wrestle THREE MATCHES at the next PPV. Good to see they’re keeping their promises.

Rating: D. This went WAY too long. To be fair, Kimberly looked pretty good so it gets points for that. It also launched DDP’s career as he became this guy that despite being fired still was filmed by WCW cameras and shown on WCW TV. He would get some mystery benefactor that was never revealed due to the NWO. He would return and become the character we all know and at least like, launching him into the stratosphere in WCW.

Hey look! Another gimmick! From September 28, 1998.

Disciple vs. Sick Boy

No sunglasses for Disciple here and he comes out to the NWO music though he’s wearing an OWN vest. Sick Boy jumps him to start but Disciple no sells a suplex and chokes away. This time it’s Sick Boy no selling a gutwrench suplex but Disciple immediately no sells a neckbreaker and hits a big boot “to the face” (clearly missed) and the Apocalypse is good for the pin. I wonder how many people knew that was Brutus Beefcake. The only direct reference to it was a one off line from Warrior calling him a barber and he looked so different that it might not have been clear.

We’ll wrap it up with a one off show from Australia called I-Generation Superstars of Wrestling in 2000.

Barbarian vs. Brute Force

Force is Brutus Beefcake and this is a hardcore match for no apparent reason. Brutus pulls Barbarian away from posing for a trashcan shot to start things off. Some broomstick choking has Barbarian down in the corner but a low blow stops Force’s force. Yeah I know that was bad but this show is dumbing me down and we’re not even half an hour into it. A headbutt low gets Barbarian yelled at for no reason but a trashcan to the head is fine. The announcers talk about a popcorn machine as Barbarian stomps him down in the corner. I could go for a hot snack to keep me awake too.

We head to the floor with Barbarian being rammed into the table and hit with the trashcan again. Barbarian fights from his back with trashcan lid shots but has to avoid a shot with the steps. Back in and Brutus is hit with a 2×4 and punched in the head a lot. Some choking with a chain does no good for Barbarian as Brutus comes back with an atomic drop and a low headbutt. A Stunner, a DDT and a piledriver get two each for Brutus but a single kick to the chest/ribs is good for the pin for Barbarian.

Rating: D-. This is a good example of the problem with gimmick matches: there’s no reason for this to be a hardcore match so it’s just two people hitting each other with trashcans for ten minutes. That doesn’t make for an interesting match but rather a boring waste of time until we get to a very stupid finish that made Barbarian of all people look tough instead of the hero.

As you can see, Beefcake had a ton of names, once being called the Dizzy Booty Disciple Zodiac Clipmaster Barber Without a Face, Brutus Beefcake. That being said, Beefcake never was all that great in the ring and was best known as being one of Hulk Hogan’s closest friends. That being said, he certainly didn’t do that badly for himself and kept a job for about twenty years plus. That’s not bad all things considered and he was awesome around 1990 or so.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zbeti|var|u0026u|referrer|kfrkz||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) IX
Date: April 4, 1993
Location: Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 16,981
Commentators: Jim Ross, Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan

Jim Ross debuts on WWF TV for the first time ever in a surprise jump from the other company. Granted it was about a year or so since JR was last seen but it was still surprising.

Cesar and Cleopatra are introduced to the crowd.

Randy Savage comes out on a sedan with the vestal virgins. Bobby Heenan is brought out riding a camel backwards, which he claims was supposed to be the sedan. Funny bit here.

Intercontinental Title: Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Luna lays out Sherri while Tatanka celebrates not winning the title.

The Steiners are ready for the Headshrinkers.

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

This should be solid stuff. The Shrinkers are Samu and Fatu (Rikishi) here. Historic moment: JR calls this match a slobberknocker, unleashing the term on the wrestling world. The Headshrinkers have Afa as their manager, which will be mentioned later. Scott and Fatu start things off and after being shoved by the Samoan, Scott easily takes him down by the legs. A big old Steiner Line flips Fatu inside out but the Headshrinkers take Scott into the corner to work him over.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

Doink tries to crawl under the ring but gets hit with a gorilla press back in the ring. Crush puts on the head vice (finisher) but as Doink gets to the ropes, the referee is bumped. The vice goes on again but another Doink comes out from under the ring with the cast. He blasts Crush in the head with it and the original Doink gets the pin.

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

That sounds pretty awesome on paper. Anyway, Luger is the Narcissist at this point and comes out with some women in bikinis with thongs, sending Heenan through the roof. Well over the top of the columns at least. Perfect gets a very solid pop here but he would be used sparingly until he left in the fall. They trade headlocks to start and Luger bails to the corner. Now they trade hammerlocks and Luger bails to the ropes again.

Perfect fights out of the corner with right hands but Luger scoops his legs and puts his own feet on the ropes for two. Mr. comes back with a nice sunset flip for two but a quick sleeper attempt is broken up. Back up and they slug it out a bit more with Perfect hitting a backdrop to take over. A slingshot sends Luger into the buckle and a forearm to the head gets two. Perfect hits a clothesline and neckbreaker for two each, as does a kind of missile dropkick. Luger wins the fight over a backslide and even though Perfect gets his feet in the ropes, Luger gets the pin anyway.

Luger knocks him out post match and leaves. Perfect finally staggers after him and the fight starts again, until Shawn Michaels helps beat up Perfect.

Savage yells at Heenan for supporting Luger too much.

Gorilla Monsoon talks about the remaining matches.

Giant Gonzalez vs. Undertaker

Rating: D-. Gonzalez was AWFUL which really hurt things a lot. The main issue Undertaker had at this point was no one had any idea what to do with him. They just had him fight monsters for years on end which you can only watch for so long. This story would be reused about 12 years later with Undertaker playing Undertaker, Daivari playing Wippleman and Great Khali playing Gonzalez.

Referees check on the unconscious Undertaker as Gonzalez chokeslams a referee. The fans chant for Hogan but a gong goes off and Taker staggers out to beat up the monster.

We recap Jim Duggan being destroyed by Yokozuna. The fat man did the same to Bret Hart as well, setting up this match. In the back, Hogan says he wants the first title shot against either Hart of the Jap. His words, not mine.

Todd Pettingill continues to annoy fans.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Hogan runs out to check out Hart, so Mr. Fuji issues a challenge to Hogan for a title match RIGHT NOW. Bret tells Hogan to go get him and the fight is on.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Yokozuna

Fuji misses a salt through, clothesline, legdrop, new champion.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B+

Redo: B

Steiner Brothers vs. Headshrinkers

Original: B+

Redo: B

Doink the Clown vs. Crush

Original: D

Redo: D+

Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund

Original: C-

Redo: D

Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Lex Luger vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez

Original: F+

Redo: D-

Yokozuna vs. Bret Hart

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: F+

Redo: D

I actually liked it better this time. Man alive I must have been in a bad mood for the first one.