Smackdown
Date: December 12, 2014
Location: Columbus Civic Center, Columbus, Georgia
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the go home show for TLC and I’m actually looking forward to the show. Granted it’s nowhere near as much as I was looking forward to Takeover last night but that’s not a fair comparison. I’m sure the main event will be yet another tag match with people from the Survivor Series main event involved because Heaven forbid we ask the writers to come up with ANYTHING else. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of Raw with the latest huge brawl. These things are really running together. Also do the recaps really need to go on for three minutes?

Opening sequence.

Here’s Cena to open things up but Rollins interrupts him after just a few seconds. Rollins says Cena is in this spot because he’s done exactly what he’s promised to do over the last ten years. That all ends on Sunday though because Rollins will set the new standard of doing everything he says he’ll do. The future may have to go through Cena, but there is no future without Seth Rollins. You might even say that Cena’s time is up and Rollins’ time is now.

Cena says this is the day that Rollins has become a man, because he doesn’t see the Shield or Authority around him. Instead Cena sees a proud man standing on his own for the first time. That’s exactly what Cena want too, because Monday morning, Seth is going to have to look in the mirror and say he isn’t ready. The future isn’t Sunday, next week or next year. The future is now because John Cena is here.

Seth says Cena keeps talking about the future like it’s some far off concept, but it’s been here since Rollins set foot in WWE and everything leads to this Sunday. At TLC, Seth isn’t just taking away Cena’s chance at being champion again. Sunday is the beginning of the end of John Cena. A Cena chant starts up but Seth shouts it down, saying Cena becomes a memory after TLC with the rise of the new standard bearer, Seth Rollins.

Cena calls Rollins a fool but if Rollins wants to talk like a man, he needs to listen up. This is Cena’s life and if Seth thinks he’s getting rid of Cena, he can line up with all the other people that have said those same things. Rollins can stand with Rene Dupree, HHH, Orlando Jordan and the Rock, because Cena has survived them all. REALLY good exchange here, but I don’t buy Rollins having a chance on Sunday because we have to get to Lesnar vs. Cena III, even though the interest doesn’t seem to be there.

The main event is Rowan/Ryback/Ziggler vs. Harper/Show/Kane. Of course it is.

The Ascension is coming. It’s about time.

Usos vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd

Miz/Mizdow are on commentary and Mizdow has a mini-Slammy. Before the match, Kidd and Cesaro say they’re ready to grab the brass ring like Vince told them to. That line is sounding more and more like a plot device every week. Jimmy and Kidd get things going as Naomi is watching in the back. Off to Jey for a top rope elbow to the arm but Tyson drives him into the corner for some shoulders from Cesaro.

Jey loses his shirt but drives Cesaro into the corner for a tag off to his brother. That’s fine with Cesaro who slams Jimmy down for two and slaps on the chinlock. Back up and a dropkick puts Cesaro on the floor, setting up the big dive from Jimmy. Kidd gets in a kick from the apron as Miz gets a call from his agent. Apparently it’s about Naomi so Miz leaves to talk to her. We take a break and come back with Jimmy fighting out of a chinlock, only to get caught in an overhead belly to belly for two.

Kidd comes in for a chinlock of his own but he misses a legdrop on the apron. It’s still not enough for a hot tag though as Cesaro kicks Jey to the floor. There’s the Swing but Kidd dropkicks Jimmy out of the air in a painful looking spot. Cesaro misses a charge into the post though and an enziguri finally allows the tag to Jey. House is cleaned with the Samoan drop and running Umaga attack but everything breaks down. Jey superkicks Cesaro’s head off and the Superfly Splash is enough for the pin at 11:53.

Rating: C+. This was better than I was expecting with Kidd and Cesaro working well enough together. The division is in need of some fresh teams so why not have two guys that are ready to move up to the next level? If nothing else that swing into the dropkick is a great spot and could be a solid finisher.

Miz/Mizdow are in the back with Naomi and suggest that she split time between Hollywood and WWE. Naomi gives a badly scripted response about how she knows what Miz is up to, but Miz says his agent wants to keep this going. He talked the agent off the ledge but the agent doesn’t want to work with someone with such a jealous husband. Naomi needs to sort Jimmy out and soon.

After a break, Naomi runs into the Usos and goes off on Jimmy for not having her back. She leaves and Jey says let her cool off. Jimmy knew this was going to happen and yells about how Miz is messing with them. Jey says Jimmy has two days to get his head right because this is exactly what Miz wants.

Video on Cena vs. Lesnar which transitions into Cena vs. Rollins.

Bray Wyatt says he offered Ambrose a path to salvation but Dean turned him down. This is no longer about what could have been but now it’s about what will be. In two thousand years, people will still be talking about the things Wyatt will do to Dean this Sunday. Run.

Alicia Fox vs. Nikki Bella

Non-title and AJ is on commentary with her Slammy in her arms like a baby. Fox nails a quick dropkick to start and works on an armbar. JBL and Cole debate the differences between the Women’s Title and Divas Title as Fox charges into a knee in the corner. Back in and AJ says Nikki is like the head cheerleader from an 80s movie. A hammerlock slam gets two for Nikki and she cranks on both arms with a knee in the back. Fox fights up again but misses a boot in the corner, earning her a forearm to the jaw. The Rack Attack is good for the pin at 4:16.

Rating: C-. I can’t believe I’m saying this but the current Divas story is growing on me. It’s amazing how much easier these things are to sit through when I don’t have to listen to the Bellas talking about how hard they’ve worked and had to fight to get here. Nikki is actually getting better in the ring and can have a passable match and the idea of AJ fighting the Bellas is a good enough story. Well assuming you ignore Brie just siding with her sister again after all those months of fighting.

Nikki Racks Fox again while talking trash to AJ.

We recap the Slammy winners from Monday.

Big E. vs. Goldust

Goldust takes over to start with a powerslam and DDT for two each. Big E. comes back with a clothesline and belly to belly, only to charge into a spinebuster for another near fall. The Big Ending is escaped and Big E. charges into a knee. Not that it matters as Big E. pops up and hits the Big Ending for the pin at 2:15.

We look at Reigns winning Superstar of the Year.

Jack Swagger vs. Titus O’Neil

Swagger drives him into the corner to start and knocks Titus outside, only to be sent shoulder first into the post for two. Titus hammers away and kicks Jack’s head off before choking on the ropes. A slam doesn’t work though as Jack rolls over into the Patriot Lock for the submission at 2:24.

Rusev and Lana interrupt We The People and pose with the title.

Video on Ambrose vs. Wyatt’s TLC match. I really hope they go insane with it to give this the blowoff it deserves.

Dean is sitting under a ladder in the back. He’s heard Bray Wyatt talk about them like they’re viking warriors but Dean is just a gutter rat or a dog that loves to fight. The two of them weren’t meant to rule together but to beat each other to pieces forever. This Sunday, when Dean has Bray’s whole world in his hands, he’s going to crush it.

Big Show/Kane/Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler/Erick Rowan/Ryback

All the weapons are set up around the ring of course. Kane and Ziggler get things going with a dropkick and cross body putting the big man down. Off to Rowan for a big slam as we take an early break. Back with Rowan hammering Show down against the ropes and out to the floor. Erick misses a charge into the post though and Show stands on his back. Kane comes in and hammers away again before it’s off to Harper for a chinlock.

That goes nowhere so Kane comes in for a double clothesline to put both guys down. The hot tag brings in Ziggler to clean house, including countering Kane’s powerbomb into a faceplant for two. Kane never liked Kidman though so he kicks Dolph’s head off for two as we take another break. Back again with Ziggler fighting back on Harper but getting catapulted into the middle rope for two.

The canned chants want Ryback as Kane charges into a boot in the corner but Big Show breaks up the tag. Ziggler dropkicks the big man’s knee out and counters the chokeslam into a sleeper instead of, you know, tagging. Show easily escapes and hits the chokeslam for two. The KO Punch misses and Ziggler hits a Zig Zag out of nowhere. Dolph finally tags Ryback to clean house as everything breaks down. Show runs over Rowan on the floor and Ryback Meathooks Luke. There’s the Shell Shock for the pin at 17:08.

Rating: C. OF COURSE THEY HAD HARPER TAKE THE PIN! Of course they did. I mean, we can’t have Big Show and Kane, who are almost NINETY YEARS OLD combined job to Ryback so let’s just have the Intercontinental Champion do it instead. I know I harp on this every week but I really want an answer. Why in the world are Big Show and Kane immune from taking a fall?

Harper may be the current Intercontinental Champion and he has a bright future in front of him. On the other hand we have two former World Champions who have been around for about thirty five years combined ans neither of them can job to Ryback? This happens week to week with all the young guys taking falls because we have to protect these two? I really do want an answer to this because it’s one of the most maddening things going on in WWE right now.

Post match the weapons are brought in and Dolph dives off the ladder to knock down all three giants on the floor to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Standard issue Smackdown here although with a good exchange from Rollins and Cena. That being said, I have no reason to believe Seth has a chance on Sunday which kind of defeats the purpose. That’s the problem with some of their long term stuff: they’ve locked in Lesnar vs. Cena and nothing that happens between now and then matters.

The rest of the show was your usual stuff, but man alive I’m sick of these same people fighting. We’ve seen it for over a month now and hopefully it ends after Sunday. These writers come up with one idea every few months and then ride it out until there’s nothing left to get out of it. This whole company needs a shakeup and something fresh, which doesn’t seem to be happening anytime soon.

Results

Usos b. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd – Superfly Splash to Cesaro

Nikki Bella b. Alicia Fox – Rack Attack

Big E. b. Goldust – Big Ending

Jack Swagger b. Titus O’Neil – Patriot Lock

Ryback/Dolph Ziggler/Erick Rowan b. Big Show/Kane/Luke Harper – Shell Shock to Harper

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

Smackdown
Date: December 5, 2014
Location: Chesapeake Energy Arena, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Commentators: Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We’re getting close to TLC and we have most of the card set already. Naturally most of it is just pairings from the Survivor Series main event split off into singles matches with gimmicks attached. The violence and carnage at the pay per view is usually enough to carry it over the weak stories so hopefully it works again this year. Let’s get to it.

Recap of the main story from Raw with Cena vs. Rollins in a tables match being set for TLC and all the brawling between the Survivor Series teams.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Luke Harper

Harper is defending of course. The champ sends him into the corner to start but Dolph hammers away with shots to the jaw. That’s fine with Luke as he picks Dolph up and drives him into the corner again. Ziggler tries the same sunset flip that pinned Luke on Monday but only gets two and a boot on his throat for his efforts. A quick neckbreaker gets two for Ziggler but Harper blocks the running DDT and just drills him with an elbow to the face.

Harper doesn’t want his leg to feel left out so he nails a big boot to send Ziggler to the floor and us to a break. Back with Ziggler fighting out of a chinlock and sending Luke shoulder first into the post. Harper counters another neckbreaker but misses the big boot and eats the running DDT for two more.

Now it’s Dolph missing a kick of his own and walking into a superkick from the champ. The Fameasser gets two more as the trading continues. Ziggler gets two each off a high cross body, sunset flip out of a powerbomb and superkick as frustration is setting in. Harper has had enough though and kicks Dolph low for the DQ at 10:10.

Rating: C+. I still like their matches as they’re playing the power vs. speed dynamic very well, but they’re starting to do the same match over and over again. On top of that, it’s hard to believe that the title is going to change hands before TLC, which makes the near falls a bit harder to get behind. Still entertaining though.

Post match Harper pulls in a ladder and loads up a powerbomb, but you can’t powerbomb Kidman. In this case you can’t powerbomb Ziggler either as he faceplants Luke into the ladder. Harper rolls outside so Dolph pelts the ladder at his head in a big crash. Santino comes out and makes the obvious ladder match at TLC because the power makes him feel like Oprah.

Here’s what’s left of the Authority, complete with Big Show, with something to say. Rollins says he hates Christmas but can’t wait for the annual demolition derby known as TLC. In nine days, he gets to face your hero John Cena in a tables match with Cena’s future title shot on the line.

Rollins is excited by taking away the only thing Cena cares about, because he doesn’t have to make Cena tap out or pin him, even though he could (Sheamus used nearly the exact same line in 2009). All he has to do is drive Cena through a table, but more than just a table is going to be broken. Rollins is going to have tables everywhere and Cena is going to get beaten up, plus a lot of splinters. Uh….right Seth.

Anyway, Big Show says he’s been here for a long time and had all kinds of matches. However, this is going to be his first steel stairs match. He heads outside and bangs the steps into the post a few times and promises to do much worse to Rowan. Kane wants to talk about his chairs match with Ryback, where Ryback will be fed chair after chair after chair. Cue Santino to make our tag match main event: Rollins/Big Show vs. Ryback/Rowan.

We recap the Miz/Naomi/Jimmy Uso stuff from Monday. Miz apologized to Jimmy on Main Event and asked if Jimmy was mad that Miz could do more for Naomi’s career than Jimmy ever could.

Cesaro/Tyson Kidd vs. New Day

Woods/Kingston here. Woods tags out less than five seconds in so Kofi can sunset flip Cesaro for two. Cesaro drives Kofi into the corner so Kidd can hammer him down. Kingston easily fights out of a chinlock and cleans house, including the Boom Drop on Tyson. Trouble in Paradise misses but the SOS gets two. Everything breaks down and a Demolition Decapitator with a Woods top rope stomp instead of an Ax elbow is good for the pin on Kidd at 2:45.

New Day celebrates when the Dusts pop up on screen. Stardust wants to know why the three of them are thinking this will be any different when they’ve tried the same things over and over again. They’re heading for a black hole (seriously) where light can never escape. The positive message means nothing to Goldust and there will be no new day. Woods says darkness will not prevail because there is no force in the cosmos that can hold them back. Kofi says the New Day is about unity and they’ll take the Dusts on any time. Big E. goes into full on preacher mode and promises to make them feel the power of the New Day.

Naomi is very happy with a bouquet of flowers. She thanks Jimmy for them but he didn’t send her any flowers. Apparently she never thought to read the card because they’re an apology from Miz. Jimmy smashes the vase.

We get a clip from Main Event with Swagger making it his mission to take the US Title from Rusev.

Dean Ambrose vs. Rusev

Non-title. Before the match, Dean says he really enjoyed destroying the rocking chair on Monday. Maybe Bray’s grandmother used to read Baby Bray stories from that chair. Or maybe he just saw it at Cracker Barrel and liked it. Not that it matters because at TLC, Dean is going to break Wyatt into more pieces than he broke that chair. Lana and Rusev come out with the blonde saying the match won’t be happening, thanks to Jack Swagger.

We see a clip from Raw of Swagger going after Rusev, which Lana calls persecution. Rusev promises to snap every bone in Jack’s body, just like he did to Zeb Colter. Dean tells Lana to stop with the flirtatious eyes because he’s going to fight the Russian. He goes after Rusev but gets jumped from behind by Wyatt. Dean fights back as Bray goes to get a chair but Wyatt sends him into the steps. He gets the chair and puts it against Dean’s throat before driving the chair into the steps. Medics check on Dean as Bray has a disturbing smile on his face. Ambrose does a stretcher job.

Jey Uso vs. Miz

Before the match, Miz wants to know what’s up with Jimmy. Is he really that insecure and jealous? Miz is just trying to pass along the kind of help that made people like Kate Upton and Selena Gomez. The agent has been watching her on Total Divas and thinks she’s a star in the making because she’s hot with a voluptuous body.

The Usos come out with no special entrance and we’re ready to go. Jimmy tries to come in soon after the bell but gets ejected for his efforts. We get our first contact over a minute in with Miz driving a knee into Jey’s ribs. It’s already off to a chinlock but Jey quickly fights up and nails a Samoan drop. Mizdow comes in for a distraction though and the Skull Crushing Finale is enough to pin Jey at 2:25.

Brie Bella vs. Naomi

AJ Lee and Nikki are both at ringside with the former on commentary. We look at AJ fighting both Bellas on Monday. AJ: “It’s great therapy to punch a Bella in the face.” Brie nails a dropkick for an early two as Nikki sits on the steps and taunts AJ with the belt. A clothesline gets two for Brie and we hit the chinlock. AJ says she was Divas Champion for so many days that it was a common law marriage. Naomi tries what looked to be Rey Mysterio’s sitout bulldog but Brie falls backwards instead. AJ prevents Nikki from interfering and Naomi rolls Brie up for the pin at 2:34.

Santino is in the back, talking about how hard it is to be in charge. If anyone understands what that means, it’s….the Bunny. Apparently Santino’s grandmother calls him at 3am to ask him how to fix the clock on the microwave.

Rollins and Show are ready for their match thanks to a Kane pep talk. Show says they’re not friends but he needs to get through this match to get to TLC.

Ryback/Erick Rowan vs. Seth Rollins/Big Show

Rowan and Rollins get things going with Seth being launched across the ring. Rollins bails to the corner but actually doesn’t tag. Rowan does though as it’s Ryback’s turn to hammer away in the corner. He misses a charge though and Seth drives in some elbows to the head, only to be driven across the ring with ease. Seth runs him over again though and we take a break. Back with Big Show headbutting Ryback and elbowing him in the back of the head. Ryback fights out of a chokeslam attempt and makes the hot tag to Rowan.

Things speed up with Rowan nailing a bunch of clotheslines to put Show down, only to have the Stooges offer a distraction so Big Show can take over. We settle down to Rollins driving knees into Erick’s head before it’s back to Show for a snapmare of all things. A DDT gets two on Erick but Show misses the elbow. The real hot tag brings in Ryback to clean house, but Rollins counters a swinging Rock Bottom into a crucifix for two in a nice counter.

The springboard knee to the head misses though and Ryback powerslams him down for two. The Stooges’ distraction breaks up the Shell Shock and the knee to Ryback’s head gets two. Seth misses a Curb Stomp and eats a spinebuster, only to have Kane get on the apron. Rollins enziguris Ryback down as Kane gets ejected. The referee won’t allow a tag to Big Show that he didn’t see, leaving a protesting Rollins to eat the Meat Hook and Shell Shock for the pin at 14:43.

Rating: C. What is with WWE not letting Big Show or Kane do a job? You have Big Show right there and you have Rollins do a clean job instead? Anyway, it’s nice to see Ryback get a pin but he lost a lot of momentum at Survivor Series. The match was your standard main event tag without anything to make it interesting but it was a fine way to finish a show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was the run of the mill Smackdown with nothing worth seeing and very limited storyline development, but it’s cool to see actual stories in the midcard other than the standard stuff you see every time. Thankfully there isn’t much time left until TLC and we can get ready for the Rumble when things will actually pick up.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Luke Harper via DQ when Harper kicked Ziggler low

New Day b. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd – Top rope double stomp/backbreaker combination to Kidd

Miz b. Jey Uso – Skull Crushing Finale

Naomi b. Brie Bella – Rollup

Ryback/Erick Rowan b. Big Show/Seth Rollins – Shell Shock to Rollins

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

This is an interesting time for WWE as we just got done with a dull week after dropping off a high peak. However, with a show like TLC coming up, there’s only so much work that needs to be done. You can just split up Team Cena vs. the Authority and make a bunch of gimmick matches out of them, which works well enough due to the show being naturally fun. Let’s get to it.

We opened with the Anonymous Raw GM computer talking, only to be cut off by Cena, who didn’t want to rehash this stupid gimmick. Thankfully that more or less was the end of the computer for most of the night because it really doesn’t need to be around. However, the computer did create a major match at TLC: Cena vs. Rollins in a tables match, where Cena can lose his #1 contendership. Rollins has nothing to gain but pride, but that might change as we go along.

The rest of the segment was filled out, because Heaven forbid the opening segment isn’t twenty minutes long, with a huge brawl involving pretty much everyone from the elimination tag, eventually setting up a six man tag for the main event. Again, this could have been cut down by ten minutes but that’s the rule of thumb anymore. The good guys got the worst of it with Cena going through a table.

The Usos won a long Tag Team Turmoil match to earn a shot at the Tag Team Titles. As usual I’m not a fan of these matches as a lot of the falls end way too soon, which makes you wonder why the regular matches don’t end that fast. The important thing here though was the post match scene, as Miz offered Jimmy Uso’s wife Naomi a producer’s card, likely trying to get into her husband’s head. This led to Jimmy coming out and knocking the heck out of Miz later on. I love these little angles that enhance what would be an otherwise run of the mill match. Do more things like this.

In another important moment, Erick Rowan is revealed as a genius guitar playing wine enthusiast. I did a full column on this last night so I’ll keep it short here: adding little characteristics and details to people make them far more interesting than they are in the ring. Give me something that makes me want to see more, because the same matches aren’t going to keep my interest up.

Rowan beat Big Show via DQ when Show hit him with the steps. Those have been a recurring theme between the two of them so odds are we’re seeing something stupid like a steps match at the PPV.

Rusev attacked Zeb Colter off screen and cost us Fandango vs. Swagger. Jack came out a segment later to chase Rusev off and reignite their feud.

Mizdow beat Fernando in a dull match that took place so Jimmy could come out and slap Miz.

Bray Wyatt beat R-Truth for the millionth time before calling out Ambrose again. The key thing here was Dean breaking Bray’s chair, which gave us some of the first real emotions from Wyatt. He looked human for the first time and it opens up some interesting doors for the feud.

Naomi was AJ’s fan chosen partner to beat the Bellas in another lame match. Naturally AJ made Nikki tap because what else would happen?

Paul Heyman put Lesnar’s appearances over as the most important thing you’ll see all year, even though it doesn’t look like Brock is going to be there until after TLC. He also asked who becomes #1 contender after Cena loses at TLC, because Lesnar is going to smash whomever he faces.

The main event was Ryback/Cena/Ziggler vs. Kane/Harper/Rollins with Ziggler sunset flipping Harper for the pin. Big Show came in post match and got beaten up to end the show. This was a very long match at over 25 minutes, but unfortunately it felt more long than good with a ton of chinlocks. Ryback and Ziggler got to look good though as Cena continues to be just kind of in the background like he has been since Survivor Series. It’s kind of interesting for a change, but I could go for more of him talking at least.

Overall the show was more interesting than last week, but they’re going to have to give us something interesting at the Slammys next week. TLC is going to be fun because of how insane things can be with all the gimmicks, but they better be thankful that they only have three weeks to fill because these shows are really getting dull. Granted it probably has something to do with us seeing these exact same things on the way to Survivor Series, but when has that ever stopped the writing staff before?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/28/holiday-sale/

NXT
Date: September 28, 2010
Location: U.S. Cellular Coliseum, Bloomington, Indiana
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole

Back in Bloomington this week as the show was taped. There’s a chance this is the final episode on Sci-Fi but that hasn’t been confirmed yet. On my digital preview there’s a sci-fi show on next week, but a week later, on the 12th, NXT is listed. It’s likely a misprint but interesting nonetheless. Let’s get to it.

We open by recapping musical chairs. It amuses me how they’ve just given up on this being a wrestling show at all and are just trying to make it as entertaining as possible. Talk the Talk is a bit better but it is kind of interesting to see WWE say how talking is very important and apparently more important than wrestling.

No Punk to start us out which makes me a sad reviewer.

Striker brings out the girls who mostly look good. Maxine still has the straight hair which looks really weird on her for some reason. Voting for the first elimination begins tomorrow on WWE.com which is where the results show will likely be seen. There’s a wheelbarrow in the aisle and they have to run around the ring with it, fastest time wins.

Maxine is first but before we start we need something in the wheelbarrow. And here’s Hornswoggle to make me roll my eyes. Cole asks what this has to do with being a Diva as Maxine sets the mark at 14.7 seconds. Horny bites her tights after she shoves him out of the wheelbarrow.

Naomi goes second and beats her time but they keep the clock running anyway for some reason as they have a tendency to do, putting her in second.

Jamie gets 14.4 to take the lead.

Kaitlyn is fourth and flies through this, getting 12 flat. Cole gets the line of the night as he yells at Josh: YOU’RE ANALYZING A WHEELBARROW RACE! He’s annoying but you can’t deny that he’s right.

AJ is the next to last girl and is rocking an I Love Nerds t-shirt. She’s nowhere close and Horny hugs her for a long time.

Aksana goes last and gets 13.9 to give Kaitlyn the win. What a great way to spend the first 13 minutes of a wrestling show.

This Week in WWE History is about Madison Square Garden and in particular the Raw where there was a triple interview with Dude Love, Cactus Jack and Mankind where Cactus returned and had a great falls count anywhere match with HHH. Oh and Austin gave Vince the first Stunner between the two. And now, back to the wheelbarrow racing show.

We profile AJ and how nerdy she is. We get a cool clip of her in line for tickets to Wrestlemania in MSG which I’m assuming was 20. That’s very cool that she is in a clip from footage like that as a kid for some reason.

Diss the Divas later tonight. Oh joy: more reading from scripts.

And now we recap Raw. I wonder how long they can go without actual wrestling on this show. Well that’s enough content so we need another commercial now.

Yep next week we’re on WWE.com. Not sure how that’ll effect the reviews but I’ll get it up somehow.

We profile Kaitlyn now who wants to be herself. And ANOTHER commercial. It’s 10:35 and there has not been a single piece of wrestling whatsoever. They’re coming back for 2 minutes of profiles etc and then a commercial.

Back from a break and we recap Smackdown with the Taker vs. Kane segment. When I say that, I mean they PLAY THE WHOLE THING. I don’t mean a highlight package, I don’t mean a synopsis, I mean Kane is talking about Undertaker and the druids are about to come out and Paul Bearer is about to return. If you’re curious as to what’s going on see my Smackdown review because I’m not talking about something I reviewed four days ago.

Time for Diss the Divas which is exactly what it sounds like. Aksana goes first and says she’s hot which she is. Her diss to the Divas is they don’t look as good as she does and she’s in better shape.

AJ goes second and is rather adorable. This is by far the highlight of the show which is hardly saying much. AJ says she belongs more here and she should be the winner because she’s not the typical Diva. This would come off better if Cole would SHUT UP. It’s one thing to get on the girls but it’s another thing to talk over them so we can’t even hear them.

Kaitlyn does an impression of Naomi by sticking her hips out. Naomi literally kicks it and that’s all for Kaitlyn.

Jamie says Aksana belongs in a circus and AJ is a ten year old but Jamie is awesome. Striker is more or less begging them to pick this up as it’s awful.

Naomi says this is about wrestling and entertainment and has them beat in those areas. Kaitlyn only won last week because Naomi messed up. Shame AJ won last week but whatever.

Maxine says the same thing she’s said every week as AJ and Kaitlyn conspire and play patty cake in the background.

AJ wins the competition over Naomi but just slightly, giving her the most victories and immunity.

And here’s Vickie to make sure we get her face time this week since this is the Vickie/Cole show. She bashes Kaitlyn who more or less turns face and wants Vickie in a match. Vickie accepts but gets a BIG OLD SLAP to Kaitlyn. That was Stephanie level slapping and somehow the highlight of the show. They “brawl” to end this joke of a show.

Overall Rating: F. This was an absolute joke. They can’t throw in a two minute match just to give us something? I don’t watch this show to see a segment I already watched. The show is moving to WWE.Com and I can’t imagine this show is going to make people want to watch it. I love the WWE but I never want to hear them complain about ratings again, not after this. Horrible show with no appealing value at all like this show usually has with its bad comedy. I feel sorry for the people that paid for tickets to it.

 

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