Theme song.

Big E. Langston vs. Fandango

We get the opening of Smackdown from WWE 2K14 via Youtube. Riveting stuff of course.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Orton vs. Bryan is official for later.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Dean Ambrose vs. CM Punk

Dean comes back with a knee to the ribs to take over and Cole completely ignores it to read more nominees. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Punk fights out and forearms Ambrose in the head. The GTS is countered with another shot to the ribs but Ambrose bails to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Dean stomping on the bad ribs like the smart heel that he is. Dean keeps taunting Punk as he peppers him with right hands before hooking a crossface chicken wing. Punk is down so Ambrose goes up, only to miss a top rope elbow drop. The springboard clothesline gets two for Punk and the running knee in the corner gets the same. Ambrose counters the swinging neckbreaker into a backslide which sets up a Fujiwara Armbar to stay on the arm.

Dean lets it go for some reason but counters another GTS attempt into a sleeper. Punk rolls through that into the Anaconda Vice but Dean quickly makes a rope. The Macho Elbow is broken up with a superplex for two and Dean goes back to the armbar. Punk gets into the ropes as well and finally scores with the high kick for two. The GTS, Bulldog Driver and another GTS are all countered and Punk is sent shoulder first into the post, giving Ambrose a rollup (with a handful of trunks) for two more. Not that it matters as another high kick sets up the GTS for the pin at 13:00.

Natalya vs. Tamina Snuka

Post match Natalya yells at AJ to no effect.

The Funkadactyls sell stuff and annoy me by existing.

Real Americans vs. Rey Mysterio/???

The mystery partner is Big Show, who apparently is just going to forget about the whole Authority ruining his life thing. Big Show chops Swagger in the corner and headbutts him down to start. Off to Rey for a top rope hurricanrana but Swager counters the sitout bulldog into a wheelbarrow slam in a nice move. Cesaro gets in a neck snap across the top rope as Cole brings up Cesaro making Titus sick last week.

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Non-title of course. They fight into the corner to start with neither being able to get an advantage. Orton takes over with some right hands but Bryan fights out of the corner with punches of his own. Daniel goes after the arm as the announcers discuss Bryan joining the Wyatts. Orton comes back with the backbreaker for two and a clothesline puts Bryan down. Bryan scores with a dropkick to send Orton to the floor but Orton moves before the FLYING GOAT can launch.

Results

Big E. Langston b. Fandango – Big Ending

Curtis Axel/Ryback b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Rollup to Rhodes

CM Punk b. Dean Ambrose – GTS

Natalya b. Tamina Snuka – Pin after a missed Superfly Splash

Big Show/Rey Mysterio b. Real Americans – Splash to Swagger

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan – RKO

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Welcome Home.

Natalya rolls through into a leg lock on the mat as the chain wrestling continues. Off to a headlock on the mat by Natalya but Paige gets to the ropes before the Sharpshooter goes on. Back from a break with Paige stomping away in the corner. Apparently Natalya tried to get in a cheap shot during another handshake during the break which set Paige off.

Aiden English vs. ???

The fans chant for and receive an encore. The ring is filled with roses after English finishes in a nice touch.

Tyson Kidd vs. Leo Kruger

Rating: D+. This needed a break? The match was nothing to see as it was supposed to be about revenge but I need more than a rollup for revenge. To be fair though this was hardly a feud and was really just tying up a loose end from February. It also sets up Zayn vs. Kruger even more so good booking but bad action.

Camacho and Hunico want the tag titles.

NXT Title: Bo Dallas vs. Adrian Neville

The announcers talk about Dallas being champion for nearly 200 days to end the show.

Results

Paige b. Natalya – Paige Turner

Tyson Kidd b. Leo Kruger – Rollup

Adrian Neville b. Bo Dallas via countout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Trinity/Naomi – She’s the second best in the ring and one of the more likeable girls on the show, but at the end of the day she’s a cheerleader and little more.  At the end of the day though she’s loud and a bit annoying without enough personality to really stand out.  She’d be ok to push on her own and that’s about as good as I can say about her.

That more or less ends the good stuff to say about the cast.

Jojo – Uh…..she exists.  Seriously, she has no personality because she has no screen time on the show.  She seems nice but there’s nothing to her.

Eva Marie – The epitome of what’s wrong with the Divas’ division: she’s annoying, she can’t do a thing in the ring and she’s loud, meaning she’s being pushed.  The first few episodes focused on her bucking authority and lying to get to the top of the division.  She looks good and the red hair helps a lot, but we’ve seen her as a lying manipulative witch who got engaged and then was flirting with Fandango to get a spot on the main roster later that night.  Quite a hero.

Bella Twins – Yeah they’re different on the show but on Raw they might as well be the same person.  These two are EVIL on the show but the worst part about them is they seem very materialistic.  For instance, we spent a full episode with the Bellas going to Cena’s Tampa mansion and then Daniel Bryan’s childhood home in Washington.  While Cena’s place could have been a stand-in for Wayne Manor, Bryan lived in a modest house.  By modest, I mean a house that almost any sane person would be fine spending forty years of their lives in.  Brie Bella’s recommendation: TEAR IT TO THE GROUND because it’s not big enough.  You know, because everyone should be able to afford a multi-million dollar mansion with its own water slide.  Brie is also the person moving to Arizona to spend more time with her dog.

Ariane/Cameron – This is the one that drives me the craziest.  She’s loud, self-obsessed, cares about her looks more than anything else, whines about EVERYTHING, and talks like a stupid 15 year old girl.  For instance she wanted to get breast implants and spent the entire episode referring to them as her *cue stereotypical California valley girl accent* bewwwwwwwwwwwwwbies.  Basically she’s Laycool but FAR less charming.

These are the people that we might have to cheer against AJ.  For the love of all things good and holy, please let that be the case.  It would be GLORIOUS.

Welcome Home.

The idea tonight is a Road to Wrestlemania special. We even have The Fink doing the announcing. Nothing wrong with that.

Divas Title: Natalya vs. Katilyn

Brodus Clay vs. El Local

Local is Ricardo Rodriquez under a mask. Brodus easily throws him around to start and even gets two off a jackknife cover. Local goes after the knee in a smart move but can only get two. Brodus has enough of the selling and runs over Local before suplexing him down. A splash in the corner sets up a regular splash for the pin at 2:00. Literally a squash but Local got in a few shots.

The Raw ReBound is about Punk and Undertaker, which is short in the first place so you know the recap is quick.

We go to the announcers and Kassius Ohno appears and destroys Regal.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

The Elevated DDT is countered and we head to the floor where Orton is sent into the steps. Off to the chinlock back inside followed by the Russian legsweep and the Wind-Up Elbow for two. Orton fights back with right hands and a superplex for a delayed two. The powerslam puts Damien down but he gets a boot up in the corner followed by a neckbreaker for two. Randy comes right back with the Elevated DDT and the RKO finishes at 9:30 shown of 12:00.

Rating: C-. This was the same dull match you would see between these two at any given Raw or Smackdown or even a house show. Sandow got in his usual stuff and Orton shrugged it off as you would expect it to. Nothing to see here but I guess for an NXT main event this was ok enough.

Results

Kaitlyn b. Natalya – Spear

Brodus Clay b. El Local – Splash

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

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Bo Dallas/Derrick Bateman vs. Johnny Curtis/Michael McGillicutty

Antonio Cesaro vs. Alex Riley

Kassius Onoo says that he brings danger to the table because he can fly, he can use holds and he can hit you. He closes it out with this: “My name is Kassius. I hurt people.” I like that.

Drew McIntyre, who faces Seth Rollins tonight, says tonight the talking about Rollins ends.

Natalya vs. Sofia Cortez

Natalya runs back into the ring and beats Cortez down, putting her in the Sharpshooter.

Video on Raw 1000. That really was a fun show.

The Ascension vs. Dante Dash/Garrett Dylan

Big E. Langston is still coming and he debuts next week.

Seth Rollins vs. Drew McIntyre

Results

Antonio Cesaro b. Alex Riley – Gotch Style Neutralizer

Sofia Cortez b. Natalya via countout

The Ascension b. Dante Dash/Garrett Dylan – Downcash to Dash

Drew McIntyre b. Seth Rollins – Futureshock

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