Joey Janela’s Spring Break 2
Date: April 6, 2018
Location: Pontchartrain Convention & Civic Center, Kenner, Louisiana
Attendance: 1,500
Commentators: Denver Colorado, Emil J

I’ve done parts of this series before so I figured I might as well knock off the rest of them. This show features a match that I’ve always wanted to see as it started one of the strangest comeback stories in wrestling history. Other than that, we’re in for a total mess and that is absolutely by design. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is designed after what looks to be a 16 bit video game, with Joey Janela and Glacier going after Marty Jannetty on the streets….where Jannetty lights Dink on fire to clear the stage. The second stage features Janela and Jannetty shooting at a Barber Shop (which can shoot back). With the shop destroyed, Shawn Michaels pops out of a DeLorean and superkicks Jannetty. That was different.

James Ellsworth is in a toy store and talks about working in WWE before coming here in his return to the independent scene. Tonight he’s ready to fight Matt Riddle, who doesn’t think much of Ellsworth.

Nick Gage music video. Is this just a really long pre-show?

David Starr talks about what wrestling has done for him and tonight, he’s ready for Mike Quackenbush. This is a really long pre-show isn’t it?

Quackenbush is in, and says so to Starr’s face.

Video on the Great Sasuke vs. Joey Janela, the show’s main event.

There’s going to be a Clusterf*** Battle Royal.

We start the series of videos from the beginning again as I guess we’ve got some time to kill before the show starts.

After 24 minutes of the videos looping, we’re ready to go, meaning we get to hear the commentators getting ready for the show and going over the match order.

The opening video is modeled after the WWF Attitude Era intro.

We open with a video on Joey Janela, which is basically a recreation of The Wrestler.

Teddy Hart vs. KTB vs. Tony Deppen vs. Eli Everfly vs. Gringo Loco vs. DJZ

One fall to a finish and DJZ would go on to become Joqauin Wilde in WWE. It’s a brawl to start (duh) with Everfly being sent outside. Deppen clears the ring but gets anklescissored down by Loco. Everfly is back in to snap off a headscissors before he and Loco come to a standoff. Hold on though as DJZ is back with his air horn but gets cleared out again. Hart walks on KTB’s back before pulling him into a sunset flip for two.

A torture rack backbreaker sends Deppen outside and a Project Ciampa hits Everfly. With a helping hand from the referee, Hart moonsaults onto a bunch of people on the floor. KTB dives onto everyone (Hart doesn’t go down) and Everfly hits a dive of his own. Back in and a springboard tornado DDT plants KTB and a super hurricanrana gives Everfly two on Loco. KTB comes off the top to dive onto everyone but Hart, who DDTs KTB down.

A Lionsault misses for KTB and Loco hits a springboard cutter to bring him down again. DJZ is back up and sunset bombs Loco into a moonsault onto KTB before hitting them both with a rolling DDT. Everfly hurricanranas Hart to the floor and takes Deppen up top for a…..super flipping Jay Driller (commentary: “He can’t do that!”) and the pin at 11:06.

Rating: B-. I’m not big on scrambles like this one, but there is something to be said about doing this kind of acrobatics and flips all over the place. It was certainly a fun match and the right way to fire up the crowd to start the show. Everfly’s finisher was completely nutty, making it perfect for a show like this one. Very fun stuff here and believe it or not, the fans loved it.

James Ellsworth vs. Matt Riddle

Ellsworth’s intergender title isn’t on the line (and I’m assuming Riddle’s unidentified title isn’t either). Ellsworth chop blocks him from behind before the bell but Riddle snaps off a gutwrench suplex to drop him as well. Fans: “WHERE’S YOUR CHIN?” Riddle hits a running forearm in the corner and the backsplash makes it worse. Riddle’s running knee just misses….because Ellsworth doesn’t have a chin. A superkick gives Ellsworth one but another is countered into the Bromission to give Riddle the win at 3:38.

Rating: C. Well yeah, what were you expecting? This was always going to be total destruction and it shouldn’t have been anything else. Ellsworth was always a joke and that’s how he was treated here, with Riddle, the indy prodigy, running through him. The missed knee was funny and then Riddle finished him off, as he should have done. That’s oddly logical from a show like this but I’ll take it.

Ellsworth flips off the crowd on the way out in a nice touch.

The ring announcer is ready to introduce the next match and….Virgil interrupts? He calls someone out (the audio isn’t exactly clear), gets no one, and leaves.

PCO vs. Walter

PCO isn’t the monster just yet. Before the match, Walter offers a chance to walk out but PCO gives him a crotch chop and we’re ready to go. They circle each other to start and PCO takes him into the corner for some taps to the chest. Walter works on the arm and gets kicked away without much trouble. PCO knocks him outside and loads up the dive, only to get run over with a shoulder.

The chop off ensues until Walter grabs a slam and sits on his chest. Some choking on the ropes keeps PCO down but he chops his way out of trouble. A kick to the head and short DDT put Walter down and it’s time to head outside. PCO loads up the first table but takes too long and gets dropped down onto the apron. Walter blocks a powerbomb off the apron and sends PCO hard into the steps, but the big chop only hits post.

As he’s a bit off, PCO goes up top and moonsaults down onto Walter and the referee for the big triple knockdown. Granted there was almost no length to the dive so it’s a wonder that he hit the two of them as well as he did. Walter is up first and powerbombs PCO through the table before doing it again (sans table) inside.

The second referee comes in for the two count so PCO gets booted in the face. The chops just wake PCO up though and he opens his own shirt so Walter can chop him again. PCO wins a chop off and the fans are actually on their feet as Walter looks scared. A discus forearm puts Walter on the floor for a suicide dive and a running flip dive takes him down again.

Back in and a super hurricanrana gives PCO two but Walter flips him over with a release German suplex. PCO is right back with a Regal Roll into a split legged moonsault for two (and another standing ovation). Back up and PCO hits a top rope Swanton to finally put Walter away at 18:29.

Rating: B+. Oh yeah this was rather awesome as it was all about two big guys beating each other up and hitting each other really hard. Walter was already a big deal but this would be a nice boost to his career. At the same time, it kicked off one of the most improbably career resurgences as PCO would turn this into an incredible second act to his career. It’s easy to see why too, as this was just hard hitting pain for the sake of beating on each other, with those chops making my skin crawl.

Post match they trade another chop each and shake hands before Walter leaves.

GCW World Title: Penta El Zero M vs. Nick Gage

Gage is defending and swears a lot before the bell. We get a CERO MIEDO vs. MDK chant off until Gage knocks him outside. The dive is cut off with a chair to the head and Penta chairs him again for a bonus. Penta’s chop hits the post though (with commentary pointing out that it’s two matches in a row) but is fine enough to grab some doors. Gage hiptosses him through a door in the corner and grabs a Falcon Arrow for two.

The boot scrape is cut off though and Penta Death Valley Drivers him through another door. A piece of the door over the head rocks Gage again and Penta puts some pieces onto Gage onto a table. The backsplash off the barricade doesn’t put Gage through said table in a nasty crash. Back in and Penta bridges a door over some chairs and Pentagon Drivers him through the door for two. Penta sets up another similar structure but gets powerbombed off the ropes through it instead. The chokebreaker retains Gage’s title at 9:27.

Rating: D+. This felt like a match where the idea was “Gage vs. this guy” and they didn’t have any more thought put into it. Gage didn’t do much of anything here and then retained in the end after Penta had done so much. That didn’t make for an interesting or even fun match from the usual freak show standards, so this was kind of a wreck.

Respect is shown post match. Penta leaves and Gage yells at the fans, who don’t seem to like him. Then he high fives a bunch of fans on the way out so he’s quite an odd duck.

Mike Quackenbush vs. David Starr

Starr does his long introduction and commentary (featuring Walter for this match) will not shut up, saying no one cares what Starr has to say. They fight over arm control to start until Starr gets two off a Thesz press. Back up and they shake hands before Mike climbs the rope and armdrags him into a leglock which he rolls over for what appeared to be a Crossface attempt, sending Starr to the rope.

Mike stomps on the foot and sweeps the leg, setting up some double knees to the ribs. The abdominal stretch goes on and even Walter is impressed by the series of twists it took for Mike to get it on. With that broken up, Starr Death Valley Drivers him into the corner twice in a row, followed by a springboard clothesline to the floor. Starr doesn’t want the countout so he throws Mike back in and gets tossed off the top for his efforts.

A Swanton gives Mike two but his hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb for two. Starr kicks him in the head for two, which has Walter wanting Mike to win because Starr is “acting like a d***.” A nice tornado DDT sends Starr outside but the big dive is cut off, with Starr driving him into the apron. Back in and Mike grabs a double arm crank but Starr slips out and blasts him with a clothesline for the pin at 11:37.

Rating: B-. This was the technical match of the night so far, with Starr being just enough of a villain to make it a little uneven. What mattered here was getting in something different on the show and they made it work. These two worked well together and you could hear Walter being impressed on commentary so there had to be something to this one.

Commentary: “Walter is it fair to say that the better man won?” Walter: “No.” Starr grabs the mic and puts Mike over before saying how glad he was for being on this show.

Clusterf*** Battle Royal

This is a Royal Rumble with pinfalls, submissions and over the top eliminations, though the entrance intervals are going to be shaky at best. We see some people in the back trying to check into the match, including MJF in a blonde wig disguise. Jimmy Lloyd is in at #1 and Session Moth Martina (she likes beer) is in at #2. Martina dances a lot and gets kissed for her efforts as Orange Cassidy (still just an indy guy and not a phenomenon yet) is in at #3.

Cassidy takes so long to come in that Wheeler Yuta (looking about 17 years old) comes in at #4 and Curt Stallion comes in at #5 for the grapple off. Yuta rolls him up for two and it’s Facade in at #6 to strike away at Stallion. Facade sends him outside and adds a rope walk moonsault onto everyone outside (as no one has been eliminated yet). Back in and a running kick to the head pins Stallion for our first elimination. Swoggle is in at #7 and snaps off some German suplexes.

With Swoggle cleaning house, Grado is in at #8 and he seems immune to German suplexes. Apparently Grado is quite intoxicated and Kikutaro is in at #9 and crotches himself while trying Old School. As some other wrestlers come back in….the Invisible Man is in at #10. House is cleaned and Kikutaro is tossed before Swoggle taps to a Fujiwara armbar. Joe Gacy is in at #11 and slugs it out with Yuta, including the handspring cutter. Bryan Idol is in at #12 and gets to clean some house before Chris Dickinson, in a mask, smoking a cigarette, and coming out to Real American, knocks out Facade.

Gacy is tossed and Yuta is Razor’s Edged out onto the pile (some are still in, some aren’t) at ringside. Dickinson hits Hulk Hogan’s finishing sequence to get rid of Grado and is left alone (I think). Dan Severn is in at #13 and they go with the grappling (after issues at yesterday’s Bloodsport). Alabama Doink (sure) is in at #14 and gets tossed by Severn, who is eliminated by Dickinson. Rickey Shane Page is in at #15 and beats up Dickinson….as well as the still in Lloyd.

With that not working, Marcus Crane comes in at #16 and gets beaten up by Dickinson. Aeroboy (a masked luchador with another masked man apparently named Crazy Boy….who looks like Excalibur) is in at #17 and starts cleaning house, with a Swanton into a double pin getting rid of Dickinson. Rory Gulak (or Drew, according to the rather drunk commentary team) is in at #18 and doesn’t like the idea of the match (with the sign to prove it). Nate Webb is in at #19 and walks through the crowd as Rory beats people up inside.

Everyone gets out of the ring as the fans sing Webb’s song. After taking over the camera, Webb gets inside and plants Gulak with something like a spinning Big Ending for the elimination. Ethan Page is in at #20 so Gulak kicks him in the head. That earns Webb a trip into the corner and it’s MJF (no wig) in at #21.

The masked men go after Page and MJF, with the villains tossing out the luchadors. With them gone, MJF Codebreakers Page into a rollup for the elimination. Martina (hey she’s still in this) comes back in and puts a condom on her face for a Mandible Claw on Page. She also wraps her legs around MJF’s hand for the female version of Joey Ryan’s penis suplex. Then Page rolls her up for the elimination. Cassidy finally gets in for the lazy strikes (the fans approve) and a double chokeslam pus the villains down.

That lets Cassidy go up….and fall off the top so MJF and Page can pin him at the same time. The Invisible Man beats both of them up until Lloyd gives him a piledriver…..which is illegal in Louisiana so Lloyd is eliminated. Page and MJF double team Webb for a double two count so they beat up referee Bryce Remsburg. That results in a beating from Remsburg, who gets sent outside.

Mikey Whipwreck is in at #22 (oh yeah this is a battle royal) and beats the villains up until MJF elbows him in the face. The Whippersnapper (Stunner) sends Page into a spinning faceplant from Webb for the pin and we’re down to….however many are still in this thing. MJF shoves Mikey off the ropes and hits a splash for the pin. A poke to the eye stuns Webb and MJF throws him out….but the Invisible Man rolls MJF up for the win at 39:38.

Rating: D. This right here? It was dumb. I get the idea of having a bunch of people involved and all that jazz but my goodness did this not hold my interest. I’m sure the live crowd (plus a lot of alcohol) really enjoyed it but it was a bunch of indy stars coming in, doing a little something and then moving on. It’s also one of those battle royals where it is virtually impossible to keep track of who is in there and who isn’t as people will stand outside for such long stretches. These things can be fun, but this didn’t have any big surprises or cool moments, leaving it as something that just kept going.

Joey Janela vs. Great Sasuke

Penelope Ford, in a Mardi Gras mask, is here with Janela. Sasuke comes to the ring with what looks like holy water to bless fans. A quick takedown doesn’t get either of them very far so they go to a grappling sequence with Janela twisting the fingers around. Sasuke nips up though and sits in the middle of the ring, which has Janela worried. Back up and Sasuke…apparently hypnotizes Janela and then spins his hand around, causing Janela to flip himself over.

Sasuke puts him in a chair at ringside and loads up a ladder, only to be whipped into it instead. Back up and Sasuke sends him flying off the top and onto the table for a nasty crash. Sasuke brings it back inside and puts Janela on the ladder for a missed Swanton, leaving Sasuke’s heck caught in said ladder. Janela grabs an inflatable alligator to crush Sasuke before loading up six chairs back to back.

With Janela going up top, Sasuke powerbombs him down onto the chairs in one of those STOP DOING THAT bumps. Sasuke hits him in the head with a door and then whips him through another in the corner. They slug it out on the apron and there’s a Death Valley Driver to plant Sasuke (Janela: “F*** YOU JIM CORNETTE!”). With Sasuke in a chair at ringside, Janela misses a top rope flip dive, only hitting the chair instead.

Janela is laid on a table and a big running flip dive drives him through it, which draws in Ford. A dance distracts Sasuke and Janela grabs a figure four. Sasuke gets to the rope, which rightly has commentary asking “IN THIS MATCH?” Janela misses a moonsault and gets laid over another table at ringside, allowing Sasuke to try and put a trashcan over himself and climb up.

This proves rather difficult (as you might have guessed) so he just throws it at Janela instead, setting up a Swanton onto Janela onto the table for the huge crash. Back in and Janela gets two (as Sasuke is mostly dead) but can’t believe the kickout. A Michinoku Driver onto the side of the ladder gives Janela two more, followed by a top rope double stomp onto a chair onto Sasuke for the pin at 25:16.

Rating: D+. To say this just kept going would be an understatement. It turned into little more than a hardcore brawl and that isn’t the most thrilling thing to see. Sasuke did a bunch of flips, but it didn’t exactly feel like a special match. Chop this in half and have some more wrestling and it’s much better, but it didn’t work for the most part, mainly due to the length and feeling like an indy street fight.

Post match Janela puts Sasuke over huge and thanks the fans, talking about how he can’t believe all this happened. Sasuke gets in a quick thank you of his own and they do a quick karaoke version of It’s My Life by Bon Jovi (sure) to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a show where it depends on your viewing location. Watching this live in person would have been a blast, though watching it back at home just doesn’t work so well. The Quackenbush vs. Starr and PCO vs. Walter matches are both good (the latter being very good) but the rest of the show is mostly skippable. These shows would get better, but it took some time to get the formula of “fun indy show” down. For now, it isn’t quite working yet, but it could have been a lot worse. Just kind of a not great show that went on too long.

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break 6 Night One
Date: March 31, 2022
Location: Fair Park, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Kevin Gill, Lenny Leonard

This is probably the crown jewel of the indy shows over Wrestlemania Weekend, just because of how insane it can get. Janela’s shows have a tendency to be completely nuts with some incredibly fun stuff and surprises. I’m actually looking forward to this one just for the atmosphere so let’s get to it.

Tag Team Titles: Second Gear Crew vs. Briscoes vs. Nick Gage

Gage is defending on his own as his partner, Matt Tremont, couldn’t make the show. Like him or not, Gage continues to be over like free beer in a frat house. It’s a big brawl to start and the doors are already brought in. The Briscoes bring in some chairs as well but Warner chokeslams Jay through a door for two. Mark is back up and Swantons Warner, sitting in a chair, down for a big crash.

Gage grabs the broken door and drops a twisting Vader Bomb onto Warner before stopping for the MDK chants. A piece of the table is used to carve up Warner’s head….and here is Slade to throw Gage a pizza cutter. Apparently Slade is Gage’s partner and he’ll carve up Warner’s head as well. Then Slade cuts himself because these people are not normal. Jay is back up to clean house, including Redneck Boogie to Slade.

Justice comes in with some chair shots and let’s bridge a door over some open chairs. Gage is up with some chair shots and now it’s time for a staple gun. Warner’s tongue is stapled to the door (good grief) but a piledriver through the door rips it free. Back in and Jay hits a Jay Driller into a Froggy Bow to give Mark two, with Slade making the save. Slade tries to fight off the Briscoes but it’s a Doomsday Device to give Jay the pin and the titles at 11:15.

Rating: C+. The nutty violence aside (hopefully far aside), this was an energetic match with the Briscoes adding some credibility to the whole thing. As much as I can’t stand Gage, he is the biggest star in the world to this audience and starting the show with him is a smart thing to do. Let him go out there and pop the crowd like no one else in GCW and get the show off to a hot start, especially if he is going to lose the titles with an out.

Post match the Briscoes celebrate before leaving Gage to get a hero’s applause.

Allie Katch is sitting in a room with candles around. Tonight she is facing Mickie James, who isn’t her dream match, but rather her fantasy. We get the infamous Mickie finger lick from the Trish Stratus match as this took a sharp turn.

Jeff Jarrett gets in his car, thinks he sees someone behind him, gets out to check, finds nothing, and gets back in.

AR Fox vs. Blake Christian

This should be fun and Fox’s wife Ayla is here with him. The fans are behind Christian as he flips out of a headscissors to start. Fox kicks him away and we get a staredown into a handshake. A dropkick sends Christian into the corner for a running clothesline but Christian picks the pace right back up. Christian’s dropkick into a nipup but Fox sends him outside for a heck of a running dive.

Fox gets a running charge for a boot to the face in the chairs but Christian drops him with a hard shot of his own. Back in and Christian hits a low superkick but can’t get a Border City Stretch. Instead Fox bails to the floor, allowing Christian to take him down with a dive of his own. Fox is fine enough to hit a twisting suplex for two and it’s time to slug it out.

Both of them try a cutter at the same time and we get a double breather. It’s Fox up with a rolling cutter into a rolling cutter for two but Christian hits Three Amigos, because Eddie Guerrero. A frog splash, also because Eddie Guerrero, gives Christian two but Fox is back up with Lo Mein Pain (middle rope Spanish Fly, which I’m guessing is somehow connected to Eddie Guerrero is well). Fox hits a 450 for two but Christian grabs a Spanish Fly into a wind up double arm DDT (that’s different, and called the Golden Trident) for the pin at 12:37.

Rating: B-. Yeah this was a fun one as Fox is about as much of a guaranteed good match as you’ll find on the indies. He’s just smooth in the ring and works well with anyone so this couldn’t have gone much better. Christian has been popping up more and more lately and you can see the talent in him. He’ll need something to make him stand out more but so far so pretty good.

Mickie James vs. Allie Katch

Effy is here with Katch. They fight over a lockup to start as we talk about what James has done so far this year. Katch takes her down but James flips up and we have a standoff. Mickie grabs a snapmare to set up a running kick to the chest but Katch is right back for the chop exchange.

The hurricanrana out of the corner is countered with a (rather enthusiastic) Katch powerbomb for two so Mickie kicks her low. Katch is fine enough to kick her down in the corner for a Cannonball and let’s bring in a door. Instead of, you know, using it, Katch knees her in the face to knock Mickie silly.

That means it’s time to load up two chairs and a door over them but Mickie flapjacks her through it instead. The top rope Thesz press gives Mickie two but the MickieDT is broken up. With neither going anywhere, they trade crotch grabs until a headbutt drops Mickie for two more. Back up and Mickie kisses Katch, kicks her in the face, and grabs the MickieDT for the pin at 11:18.

Rating: C+. Katch is someone who shows her potential every time she’s in there and it’s good for her to work with a legend like James, who can make her that much better. The match was pretty good as well, with the two of them hitting each other rather hard, though the violence was out of place. They also went a bit too far with the callbacks to Mickie vs. Trish Stratus, but the good parts were good enough to carry this far enough.

Post match Katch gets on the fans for booing James, because there is no Katch without James. Oh and that was the first ever women’s match at Spring Break. How is that possible?

Ninja Mack vs. Alec Price vs. Gringo Loco vs. Jack Cartwheel vs. Jimmy Lloyd vs. Jordan Oliver vs. Nick Wayne

One fall to a finish because we need a scramble match. They stare each other down to start and lock knuckles before going into the big series of kicks to the head. Everyone misses some kind of running splash and it’s another seven way staredown a minute in. The dives to the floor take some people down, setting up Loco’s big dive onto everyone else. Back in and Price hits an Alberto double stomp on Loco, followed by Cartwheel sweeping Lloyd’s legs.

Wayne tries to flip back in but gets sent ribs first into the corner by Lloyd. We settle down to Wayne vs. Oliver in a slugout until Oliver blocks a moonsault with raised knees. Cartwheel comes in to clear the ring but gets taken down by Mack for a twisting moonsault. Loco dives onto a bunch of people, leaving Cartwheel to knock Price outside as well. Cartwheel hits his own dive and Wayne is back in with a springboard Ace Cutter for the pin on Lloyd at 8:11.

Rating: C+. This was every scramble match you’ve seen in a long time, as there is little that anyone can do to make themselves stand out in a match like this one. There are seven people in a match that got just over eight minutes. Wayne is someone I’ve heard a good deal about for the last few months and I haven’t seen much of him. After this, I still haven’t as he barely got any time to shine with everyone else in there at the same time.

Joey Janela vs. X-Pac

This should be….something. X-Pac looks great and Janela is in Razor Ramon style gear, as a rather horrible way to get into X-Pac’s head. Janela knocks him into the corner to start and chops away but has to duck a spinning kick to the head. The Bronco Buster misses as well so Janela heads outside, where X-Pac hits a running seated senton off the apron.

Janela is fine enough to post X-Pac seems rather pleased with the fans hating him (makes you wonder why they bought tickets to JOEY JANELA’S Spring Break but oh well). The boos turn into dueling chants as Janela grabs a chair and pulls X-Pac back inside. X-Pac fights out of the chinlock and grabs a tornado DDT for a much needed breather. Now the spinning kick to the head connects and they head to the apron, where Janela is fine enough to grab a Death Valley Driver.

It’s time to set up a door over a pair of chairs but Janela takes too long, allowing X-Pac to come back with a slingshot flip dive to put him through the door instead. The X-Factor gets two back inside but Janela pulls him into a Crossface. With that broken up, Janela pulls in a bunch of other plunder, meaning it’s another door bridged over two chairs, because that worked so well earlier.

Janela takes WAY too long setting that up and going to the top, meaning it’s a super X-Factor through the door….for two as Janela gets a foot on the rope. Back up and Janela hits a super brainbuster for two and a double stomp through the door gets two more. Janela goes up again and gets shoved off the top and through another door at ringside. Back in and X-Pac chairs Janela down but a low blow and superkick lets Janela get the pin at 19:23.

Rating: C. This match just got on my nerves as X-Pac was doing his thing and trying to have a match while Janela was doing every stupid stunt that he could, none of which he bothered to sell. I know Janela is a big deal around here but you could see the difference in quality here and it was annoying seeing this be all about Janela. X-Pac might not be some all time legend (though he was very good), but he deserved better than this.

Post match X-Pac thanks the fans and puts over GCW, which he says is his family today. If you’re not down with X-Pac and GCW, he has two words for you.

GCW World Title: Jon Moxley vs. AJ Gray

Moxley is defending and Gray’s Extreme Title isn’t on the line. They start a bit slowly with Moxley taking him into the corner but getting shoved away. Gray takes the leg out and nails a spinwheel kick to the face to drop the champ (at least the one defending). A slugout goes to Gray and they head outside where Moxley suckers him in and takes the fight into the crowd.

You can’t actually see what they’re doing for a bit until Moxley gets into an open space and poses a bit before being knocked back to ringside by a bloody Gray. Moxley is fine enough to suplex Gray at ringside and it’s time for a barbed wire door. A release suplex drops Gray onto said barbed wire onto said door before Moxley stabs him with some barbed wire sheers. The barbed wire is used for a low blow and then wrapped around Gray’s face to make it worse.

A neckbreaker, with barbed wire, gives Moxley two and it’s off to an STF, complete with more barbed wire. Since that isn’t violent enough, Moxley puts the barbed wire door up in the corner and is speared (or kind of shoved) through it, due to wrestling rule #37. Gray hits a moonsault, mainly on Moxley’s face, for two and it’s ladder time, because of course it is. That’s not enough so here’s a door to go with it, with the ladder set at ringside and the door on some chairs close enough to it.

An STO on the apron rocks Moxley again and Gray elbows him off the ladder through the door. Back in and they get up to slug it out, because that kind of a spot is just there in a match like this. Gray blasts him with a lariat for two and it’s time for some….light tubes wrapped in barbed wire. That’s so stupid it even has Moxley backing up, only to come back with a jumping cutter onto the tubes for two. That and a piledriver get two, followed by a Death Rider onto more light tubes to retain the title at 22:18.

Rating: C. The match felt big, but every time they started to get something going, the violence got to be too much. The bigger thing here though was Moxley’s star power, which was more than enough to carry the match. Gray is someone who has impressed me just about every time I’ve seen him and he was good here, but as usual, the light tubes and doors were too much for it to be that great.

Post match they shake hands and respect is show.

Ultraviolent Title: John Wayne Murdoch vs. Alex Colon

Murdoch is challenging and Colon has beaten him a few times before. Colon has a bunch of belts around his waist and shoulders, most of which aren’t identified. Murdoch isn’t about to wait and hits him in the head with some light tubes during the Big Match Intros so we’re starting fast. Some whips send Colon into a variety of things in the corner and against the ropes before tossing him off the top, through a table covered with more light tubes.

Colon is already busted so Murdoch drives more glass into the head. Back in and Colon whips him through a door in the corner, followed by a running knee to drive light tubes into Murdoch’s chest. Then Colon stabs himself with broken tubes, which he then drives into Murdoch’s head. They headbutt it out on the floor before coming back inside, where Colon hits him with another light tube.

More light tubes do the same thing as the previous light tubes but Murdoch pops up and hits a piledriver. Colon pops back up and sends Murdoch outside, setting up a suicide dive with a light tube. Murdoch avoids a charge into the post and we pause as Colon might be seriously injured. Colon’s bloody arm is covered in a towel so Murdoch suplexes him onto more light tubes for two. A board to the arm sets up a cross armbreaker to give Murdoch the title at 13:48.

Rating: D. I can’t stand this kind of match as it’s the same stuff over and over. How many times are you supposed to hit someone with a light tube before it stops meaning anything? In this case it would be about two out of the thirty or so tubes they probably used before a dumb ending. What is there to say here? You had two guys hit each other with light tubes over and over until someone won. Rather downer of a main event and that’s never a good thing.

Post match Murdoch talks a lot of trash and tells Colon to get out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show was actually pretty ok for the most part, save for a terrible main event. Swap in Moxley, who felt like a much bigger star, into that spot and the show is better, but still not great. Spring Break has always been one of the more fun shows over Wrestlemania weekend and that really wasn’t the case here. It’s not an awful show, but there is nothing memorable or overly fun here and that hurt things a lot. Mickie James and X-Pac are cool, but they aren’t enough to make the show feel all that important. Hopefully night two is better though, because this was the least memorable Spring Break show to date.

 

 

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The Wrld On GCW
Date: January 23, 2022
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Kendall Gill
Hosts: Lenny Leonard, Pollo del Mar

Every now and then a show catches my attention and I’ll add it to the schedule. That is the case here, as GCW has become the hottest indy around at the moment and I’m going to give it a shot. I am absolutely not a fan of the deathmatch stuff, but apparently that kind of wrestling is not allowed in New York so we get a bit of a reprieve here. Let’s get to it.

Note that I barely follow GCW so I am not going to know much in the way of storylines or characters so please bear with me if I miss something.

Kickoff Show: Blue Ribbon Battle Royal

Psycho Clown, Dark Sheik, Cole Radrick, Parrow, Hoodfoot, Ruckus, Charles Mason, KTB, Juicy Finau, Steve Scott, Nate Webb, Big Vin, Brandon Kirk, Janai Kai, Dustin Thomas, Marcus Mathers, Yoya, B-Boy, Lufisto, Thunder Rosa

Clown jumps Parrow before most of the entrances have taken place and we’re starting fast. The huge Parrow fights him off but Sheik hits a pretty awesome looking jump up to his shoulders into a double stomp to the chest (kind of like Cameron Grimes’ Cave In). Sheik isn’t done and hits a top rope spinwheel kick to drop Radrick. Back up and Radrick runs Sheik over as more people come in (Are these entrances timed? That hasn’t been mentioned.), giving us Parrow vs. Ruckus.

Entrants keep coming in one at a time but with maybe fifteen seconds in between, making me wonder why they started so fast. Scott (I think? Commentary is too busy to say who these people are.) is clotheslined out as Big Vin takes his place. Vin grabs Sheik from the apron and backflips in for a World’s Strongest Slam (that’s a new one) before having a big hug with Finau.

The ring (which isn’t very big in the first place) is WAY too full here as Kirk is tossed. Thomas (the wrestler with no legs) comes in and hits a tornado DDT on KTB. Mathers and Yoya are in as Radrick is out in a hurry (and actually gets named). Mason (in a suit) is in next as this is just a free for all of people hitting one move after another with nothing close to coherence.

Now it’s B-Boy coming in as Clown hits a superbomb on Mason. Mathers (I think) is out with Sheik and KTB following him. Lufisto makes a big surprise return and there go Clown and Thomas. Thunder Rosa is the big surprise and final entrant so we look at her beating up Parrow in the corner while everyone else brawls.

Lufisto gets rid of Webb and B-Boy and we’re down to Lufisto, Parrow, Rosa, Mason and Vin. Rosa hurricanranas Parrow out and the women beat up Mason in the corner. Vin gets beaten down in an opposite corner until Rosa and Lufisto slug it out. Mason sneaks up and tosses Rosa but Lufisto suplexes both of them. Vin puts Lufisto on the apron and Mason drives Vin into her for the elimination. A low bridge sends Vin to the apron but he chokeslams Mason out for the win at 16:04.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t a good start to the night as I’m still not sure who all was in the match. Commentary didn’t do a good job of explaining what was going on and the camera work made it even harder to keep track of the whole thing. I’m not quite thrilled with where things are going from here, but hopefully we get something a little easier to follow going forward.

Kickoff Show: Jack Cartwheel vs. Alex Zayne vs. Grim Reefer vs. Shane Mercer vs. Ninja Mack vs. Dante Leon

No tags and one fall to a finish. Zayne is billed as The Sauce and from the nearest Taco Bell. The fact that he is from Lexington makes it even better. Mercer starts fast with a pop up powerslam on Reefer (that looked good) and there’s a big flip dive to drop some people on the floor. Cartwheel and Mack hit their stereo running flip dives to the floor, followed by dives from Zayne and Leon.

Reefer goes up, lights one up, and hits a big springboard flip dive to drop the pile. Back in and Mack punches away at Reefer before hitting the People’s Moonsault. Leon comes in for a cutter on Mack but gets powerslammed by Mercer. A super fireman’s carry flapjack drops Leon but Zayne clears the ring. Cartwheel takes him down for a slingshot hilo but Mercer is back up with a gorilla press drop.

Reefer kicks Mercer down and spins him into a Crossface with Leon making the save. Leon’s big cutter hits Reefer but Mercer plants Mack with a super backflip World’s Strongest Slam. Zayne is held in the ropes for a shooting star press from Cartwheel, driving Zayne into the apron. A chair is brought in but Reefer counters Mercer’s….something into a DDT onto the chair for the pin at 7:58.

Rating: C+. This was slightly easier to follow than the opener but that isn’t saying much. The thing to remember about a match like this is that it is all about getting your stuff in with nothing resembling a story being told. The match may be fun, but this is all about setting things up for the real card. Not exactly good, but a lot of fun and rather exciting, as is kind of the point.

Owner Brett Lauderdale comes out to hype up the crowd and talks about how hard it has been to get here. They were ready to take over the world but then the pandemic hit. He was told that a million GCW’s have come and gone but now they are here with the roster to make it work.

We get the entrances for the opener, which will start when the show goes on the air. This company has some AEW influences.

The opening video, which is rather quiet, shows a bunch of wrestlers in the empty building with their voiceovers talking about how they have no business at this level. Now they’re here to prove that they belong. Right on point here.

AJ Gray vs. PCO vs. Alex Colon vs. G-Raver vs. Tony Deppen vs. Jimmy Lloyd vs. Jordan Oliver

Ladder match, with the winner getting any title match they want at any time. AJ Gray is a surprise entrant as his scheduled opponent, Eddie Kingston, is out with an injury. They start fast (I’m not sure I heard a bell) with Deppen hitting a springboard dropkick to drive the ladder into Lloyd and Oliver.

Gray buckle bombs Deppen into the ladder in the corner and blasts him with a lariat before going up. His ladder is WAY too short though, meaning G-Raver does him a favor by throwing a ladder at Gray’s ladder for the save. PCO comes in, allowing Colon to lift up G-Raver for a Doomsday Device, albeit with a ladder shot instead of a clothesline to make it even worse. Colon hits PCO in the face with the ladder but Oliver dropkicks the ladder down to break up the double climb.

Oliver kicks Lloyd in the face and hits a dive to the floor. PCO hits his own running flip dive through the ropes. Deppen adds a double springboard flip dive to take out everyone, sending them walking up the aisle. As luck would have it, Gray is ready with his own running flip dive off the stage at the exact same time. PCO chairs Gray down and moonsaults off the top onto the big pile again.

That means PCO can climb, but he’s actually smart enough to drop down and beat up anyone trying to make a save. Deppen brings in a bigger ladder and bites PCO on the face but Jordan Oliver is there to cut him off. Lloyd breaks that up too but gets kicked down by Oliver. PCO chokeslams Oliver off of the ladder though and there’s a package piledriver onto the ladder to make it worse.

G-Raver and Colon break that up, with Raven putting Colon onto two chairs with a ladder over his back. Raver goes up, shoves the ring out of the way, and drops down onto the ladder onto Colon. Well that was dumb. Lloyd gives Raver a running Razor’s Edge over the top and onto a big pile of stuff on the floor. Gray goes up on a ladder on the floor and tries to dive into the ring, only to crash hard onto another ladder (the fact that I’m not sure who he was aiming for is a bad sign). Cue John Wayne Murdoch to take out Colon on the floor, leaving Gray to take the ring down at 15:11.

Rating: C-. The spots were good, but this was a very indy style ladder match, which is not meant as a compliment. There was too much going on between all of the people and it didn’t work so well. At the same time, you had a person shoving the ring out of the way to hurt someone else. That’s about as bad of a level of ladder match logic as you’ll find, making this quite the mess.

Gringo Loco/Demonic Flamita/Arez vs. Bandido/ASF/Laredo Kid

Lucha rules (duh) and it’s Arez starting with Kid. The trade early misses until Kid’s hurricanrana is easily blocked. An armdrag sends Kid outside so it’s Bandido coming in for Three Amigos. That means the Eddie dance as it’s a headscissors to send Arez outside. Loco comes in to hammer on Bandido, who is sent outside so ASF can come in. A wristdrag sends ASF outside for a change and it’s Flamita coming in to take his place.

The 619 in the corner looks to set up something off the top but Flamita flips off the crowd and drops down to flip the fans off instead. ASF is left alone in the corner, with Flamita and Arez hitting stereo moonsaults to the floor (that was sweet). Bandido and Kid get caught in stereo surfboards on the floor for the big running flip dive from Loco. ASF is sent outside as well, only to get launched over the top for the crash back inside (cool).

Flamita follows him back in for two, with ASF climbing Flamita to armdrag Loco. Bandido’s team is back in with stereo superkicks into stereo headscissors to the floor. The not quite stereo dives take out Loco and company but ASF and Kid miss missile dropkicks back inside. Flamita and Bandido are left alone for a big staredown, with Flamita kicking him down and hitting a huge frog splash.

ASF hits a 450 but Arez makes a save of his own. A dropkick breaks up Arez’s cover and a Death Valley Driver gets two on Flamita. It’s Bandido vs. Loco for a strike off until Bandido hits a heck of a tornado DDT. Back up and Bandido and Loco grab double electric chairs (as in Arez is on Flamita’s shoulders on Loco’s shoulders while ASF is on Kid’s shoulders on Bandido’s shoulders), leaving ASF and Arez to slug it out rather high in the air.

ASF snaps off a Canadian Destroyer (egads man) while Loco and Bandido hit powerbombs on the other two. Loco catches a charging Bandido in a Spanish Fly and everyone is down. Back up and Bandido LAUNCHES ASF over the top and into a hurricanrana on Loco. Flamita hits a dive, then Bandido hits a dive, then Kid Spanish Flies Arez off the top onto the pile. ASF and Loco seem to load up a super Canadian Destroyer but can’t get the timing right, leaving Loco to hit a regular piledriver for the pin at 14:10.

Rating: A-. The double electric chair was good enough to make this about as fun as it could have been and the rest was a bunch of insanity that you can only get in a match like this one. This kind of a match is designed to have a bunch of people flying around with one crazy spot after another and they made it work like only they can here. Bandido’s awesomeness has long since been established and it was on full display again with this one. Check this out, which you should always do with something involving these people.

Ian Riccaboni joins commentary.

Ring of Honor World Title: Blake Christian vs. Jonathan Gresham

Christian is challenging…or at least he would be if Gresham was here but we need to make a last second change. Worry not though, because we have a replacement.

Blake Christian vs. Lio Rush

Rush offers a handshake but Christian looks at him instead. They do shake left hands though and it’s an armdrag to take Rush down. Back up and Christian offers a handshake, which allows him to sunset flip Rush for two. Rush bails to the floor for a breather before heading back inside to avoid some charges.

Christian heads outside, only to pull Rush outside for a whip into the barricade. Back in and a tilt-a-whirl gutbuster gives Christian two, setting up a roll into a crucifix hold. That’s broken up and Christian misses a charge into the corner, allowing Rush to hit a spear for two. Christian is fine enough to catch him with a kick to the face on top but Rush kicks him down.

A ripcord Spanish fly drops Rush again though and a springboard 450 gives Christian two. Rush is right back with a twisting DDT and the Final Hour gets two more. They go to the apron where Rush can’t hit a German suplex to the floor. Instead they drop down, with Christian hitting a Tombstone. Back in and a 450 double stomp finishes Rush at 12:39.

Rating: B-. Take two guys and let them do their thing for about twelve minutes, which is all you needed to do here. Christian gets the win to keep him strong until he can get his title shot. Gresham being gone is rough to see but having someone like Rush as the backup worked as well as anything else. Good match, but they weren’t about to follow that six man.

We recap Matt Cardona vs. Joey Janela. Cardona married Chelsea Green but Janela faked some pictures of the two of them by a pool together, sending Cardona over the edge. The interesting thing is that Cardona is the huge heel who is mocking all things indy and trying to turn it into WWE. This has been one of the better things going on the independent scene and Cardona has had one awesome stunt after another.

The IF CARDONA WINS WE RIOT sign is a great touch.

Joey Janela vs. Matt Cardona

Chelsea Green is here with Cardona….who comes out to Enter Sandman entrance (or at least a cover), turning the crowd completely upside down in about three seconds. The “IF CARDONA WINS WE RIOT” shirt is an even greater touch. He also has a red flannel shirt with f*** Mick Foley on the back, while Green (with the Internet Title) is in the Zack Ryder half trunks/half tights. Cardona asks what’s up GCW Universe and takes credit for the sellout. Joey Janela didn’t do it, so tonight he’s ending Janela’s career before Tony Khan can fire him.

Cardona jumps him at the bell for two and flips off the fans. The fans get in a “F*** CARDONA/WOO WOO WOO!” chant so Janela hits a Death Valley Driver through the door. The suicide dive takes out Cardona on the floor and it is time for Janela to chair him down. A top rope flip dive sends Janela crashing through the chair though and Cardona gets to chair him down. Green pulls the chair away though and kicks Cardona low for a big surprise.

Janela goes up, only to get crotched by Green because it was a ruse. Cardona shows off the cup he was wearing but Janela is fine enough to hit a superplex to put them both down. Janela grabs the title, but here is Smart Mark Sterling (of AEW fame) to say that if Janela uses the title, he’s disqualified. Commentary: “But it’s GCW!” He brings out someone who is very influential in Cardona’s career, so here is someone in a Vince McMahon mask. It’s Vincent/Virgil though, and the distraction lets Sterling grab Janela.

The belt shot takes Sterling down by mistake though and a Death Valley Driver sends Cardona into the ring frame. Cue Swoggle to post Janela but here is a huge guy named Sam Stackhouse to take Swoggle out. Now it’s Marko Stunt to throw a chair at Swoggle’s head but Cardona takes him down as well. Janela brings in a pair of doors, with Swoggle and Cardona being put through one each.

Green hits Stunt with the belt and gives him a Canadian Destroyer, leaving Cardona to AA Janela through an open chair for a near fall. Cardona loads up two doors, which really does take too long so Janela takes him out. Green’s latest interference earns herself a piledriver so here is a guy in a motorcycle helmet. That would be Brian Myers, who decks Janela and helps Cardona hit a middle rope Radio Silence through the door for the pin at 19:39.

Rating: B-. It was a bit long, but this was a lot of fun with Cardona playing a perfect troll. Cardona knows how to make these people nuts by doing everything they don’t like and now he gets to take out another one of their heroes. The big flaw here is that the match went too long and you could have cut out a good portion in the middle which was more about several other people other than Janela vs. Cardona. This was all about Cardona putting together something else to get people to care about him though, as he continues to be one of the more creative people in wrestling.

Post match Sean Waltman of all people comes in and takes out Cardona before posing with Janela. I’m sold on getting to hear The Kings again.

Here is the injured Mance Warner for a chat. He talks about how awesome GCW’s locker room and entire crew is and thanks the fans for getting them here. Cue Atticus Cougar (pronounced Co-Gar) to say 44OH are the real outlaws around here. Cougar doesn’t like Warner’s Second Gear Crew so Warner is ready to fight.

44OH comes in for the beatdown, with Matthew Justice (Warner’s partner) coming in for the failed save attempt. The lights go off (BECAUSE WRESTLING!) and it’s Bill Alfonso and Sabu making the save. Chairs to the head put 44OH down and we actually get a pin, with Fonzie counting. Pantera’s Walk plays because ECW.

Video on Allie Katch vs. Ruby Soho. Katch talks about divine destiny, meaning that if something is meant to happen, it will happen no matter what. That seems to be the case with this match, as she runs into SOHO painted on a wall. Katch was billed as a big deal during Brett Lauderdale’s pre-show speech so she means something. I don’t remember her being much more than someone who did cat-esque things as Allie Kat but maybe things have changed.

Allie Katch vs. Ruby Soho

They shake hands to start and Soho armdrags her down early on. The threat of the Riott Kick is blocked early on but so is Katch’s piledriver. That’s fine with Allie, who hits a basement dropkick for an early two. Soho is sent into the corner and it’s a running hip attack into a Cannonball for two more.

They trade kicks to the face with Soho getting rocked, only to be able to come back with a German suplex for the double knockdown. Katch takes too long going up top though and gets armdragged back down for a quick two. The Riott Kick connects for two on Katch but she’s right back with a knee into the piledriver for two of her own. With that not working, Katch loads up a super piledriver, which is countered into a Riott Kick from the middle rope to give Soho the pin at 9:31.

Rating: C. I’d hope that Katch can do more than this as it felt like any other match. This came off like a match where a star was making a guest appearance in the territory with the story of the popular star getting a shot. It wasn’t bad, but there was absolutely nothing special to this and it just came and went.

We recap Jeff Jarrett vs. Effy. Jarrett doesn’t like GCW calling themselves outlaws because he is the Last Outlaw. There has to be a huge stable out there of people who have been THE LAST OUTLAW. There have also been guitar shots to show you how serious this has been.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Effy

Effy pulls $20 out of his trunks, which the referee throws to the floor. They go with the basics to start, with Jarrett powering him into the corner. Effy’s spins to get out of a wristlock don’t work so Effy drops to his knee, which freaks Jeff out for a bit. Some shots to the ribs set up a modified Tarantula but Jarrett is back with a clothesline. They head outside with Jarrett whipping him with the belt (which seems to draw a DADDY LIKES IT chant).

Back in and it’s time for more whipping and choking, which seems to make Effy smile. Jarrett uses the belt to tie Effy in the corner, which doesn’t exactly last long. Effy is back with more rights and lefts, setting up a faceplant for two. Now it’s Effy getting to whip away but he misses a Blockbuster. The guitar takes too long for Jarrett though so Effy pulls off his fishnets for some choking. That’s too much for Jarrett, who hits him with the guitar and grabs the Stroke for the pin at 11:15.

Rating: D+. I’ve heard a lot of good things about Effy and I’m going to assume that a lot of it is due to his promos and character work, because he wasn’t doing much in the ring here. All he had was a bunch of punches and a missed Blockbuster, which isn’t exactly stealing the show. That being said, Jarrett winning is a good bit weird, as he is the second outsider in a row to beat a signature GCW name on their biggest night ever. Not a great match, but you can see how much bigger of a star Jarrett is than most of the roster. If nothing else, seeing someone who seems like he knows how to put a match together is almost a rarity around here.

GCW World Title: Homicide vs. Jon Moxley

Homicide is challenging after winning a Rumble last month. The fans chant F*** BULLY RAY to start, which has to make Moxley smile a bit. They forearm/slap it out to start before going face to face. Homicide sends him outside but the dive is cut off with a shot to the face. The fight heads outside with Homicide biting away, only to get sent shoulder first into the post.

Moxley cranks on the fingers and hits a piledriver for two For some reason Moxley goes up but it’s a super cutter to bring him back down. They trade clotheslines until Moxley grabs the Paradigm Shift for two. Moxley hammers away and Homicide seems to lose a tooth. A chair is wedged in the corner but Homicide cuts him off and strikes away. The chair is on the mat and it’s another Paradigm Shift onto said chair to give Moxley two more. Homicide flips him off and bites Moxley’s face, only to get blasted with a lariat. The lifting Paradigm Shift onto the open chair retains Moxley’s title at 11:32.

Rating: C. That’s it? This was so short that I thought I missed part of the match, as I would have bet on it going a good bit longer than Jarrett vs. Effy. Maybe that is the result of ring rust from Moxley, or just time constraints from the pay per view, but this wasn’t exactly great. It worked while it lasted, but it just didn’t last very long.

Video on the Briscoes, who are issuing an open challenge for the Tag Team Titles. Most signs would suggest that this is going to be FTR, but you never know around here.

Tag Team Titles: Briscoes vs. ???/???

The Briscoes are defending against….Nick Gage/Matt Tremont. Well you knew Gage would be on here somehow. Gage puts Nick through the door in the corner to start and it’s time for a duel of the chairs. Mark and Nick trade pieces of door shots to the head but Jay breaks up the pizza cutter. Tremont gets beaten down and the Froggy Bow onto a door gets two on Gage. Back up and Tremont hits a release Rock Bottom to plant Jay and Gage hits a middle rope piledriver on Mark. The chokebreaker gives Gage the pin and the titles at 5:35.

Rating: D. That was a Nick Gage match alright, but this time he had a huge partner to do some really basic stuff too. I know why Gage had to be on the show but it isn’t like his matches are much to see. It’s the feel good moment of the show, though having it come in a five minute match didn’t do the show many favors.

Post match Gage swears a lot and puts over his gang while bragging about how far GCW came. The locker room comes in to celebrate and we’re out.

Overall Rating: D+. One of the shows you are probably going to see this compared to is Barely Legal. While it is nowhere near that important (or good), there is one thing that does stand out. My biggest issue with Barely Legal was the lack of an explanation of why Sabu and Taz hated each other. It was the “Grudge Match of the Century” but we were never told why they were fighting. The ECW fans knew, but Barely Legal wasn’t just a show for the ECW fans.

Now do that for three hours and you have this show. There was barely anything explaining who these people were, what they were doing here, why they were fighting or ANYTHING about them. Cardona vs. Janela had a bit of backstory, but this felt like the game plan was “just keep doing what we’ve been doing (minus the deathmatch stuff, which isn’t their fault)”. It was a show that you either got or didn’t get, with GCW not offering much in the way of guidance.

On top of that, the wrestling was hit and miss at best. Everything felt rushed and very little really stood out. The lucha match was great, but you could get one of those a week on Ring of Honor. Cardona is excellent at riffing on independent wrestling, but then he won, just like Soho over what seems to be the big female star around here. This show didn’t do a thing to make me more interested in GCW and as the big debut on the national stage, it was a pretty hard miss.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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rSpring Break
Date: April 9, 2021
Location: Cuban Club, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Emil Jay, Kevin Gill

This is arguably the indy weekend main event and the show is hit and miss to say the least. You never know what you are going to see at something like this and that could go multiple ways. I’ve had a good time at these things before, but those were all the Joey Janela versions. Janela is on the card, but his name is no longer on the show. Let’s get to it.

No entrances or anything, as tends to be the case with a show like this.

Dave Penzer is ring announcer. Well that’s an upgrade.

Starboy Charlie vs. Billie Starkz

Charlie just turned 18 and is billed at 145lbs, which commentary says is AFTER he put some size on. Tony Deppen joins commentary because he worked with both of them before and wanted to see the match. Fair enough reason. In your “that’s not normal” stat, Gill says that Billie is closer in age to his four and a half month old son that she is to Gill himself. Feeling out process to start and they go to the mat for the technical off.

Charlie works on a hammerlock but gets leveraged outside without much effort. Back in and Charlie can’t get a Sharpshooter so Billie kicks him in the head. They trade some rollups for two each until Charlie snaps off an armdrag to take over. A dropkick into a standing shooting star press (Deppen: “If I did that, I’d throw my back out.”) gets two on Billie, who blocks the third Amigo.

Billie rolls some German suplexes, giving us the now ultra rare Chris Benoit name drop. Back up and Charlie gets sent into the corner for a kick to the face and an Ocean Cycle suplex (electric chair dropped backwards into something close to a German suplex) gets two. The eternally teased German suplex off the apron continues to be teased but Charlie takes her down in the corner.

The running corkscrew moonsault gets two and Charlie sends her flying with a t-bone suplex. They trade shots to the face for a double knockdown and a breather. Back up again and Charlie suplexes her into the Tree of Woe, setting up the running boot. Billie gets her knees up to block a 450, only to miss a Swanton. They glare at each other a bit until Charlie snaps off a Michinoku Driver (dropping Billie on her head) for the pin at 9:56.

Rating: C. This was action packed but a VERY indy style match. You could feel that they were trying to figure out where to go next after each spot because it didn’t have much of a flow. It was certainly entertaining, but these two need a lot more seasoning (fair enough given their age). That being said, opening a show like this is a good thing for them as the more ring time they get is going to help them out.

Post match 44OH (Bobby Beverly/Eric Ryan) come in for the double beatdown. That means we need a save, and probably a tag match.

44OH vs. Ironbeast

Ironbeast is KTB/Shane Mercer and this feels like a hoss fight. Mercer picks both of them up to start and KTB comes off the top with a high crossbody for the big crash. KTB feeds Beverly back inside for a powerbomb (over the ropes) to plant him down hard. That’s not enough as Only is put on KTB’s shoulders so Mercer can superplex him into the middle. It’s time for the doors but KTB takes too long and gets knocked outside.

Back in and Mercer gets double teamed with forearms to the back and kicks to the face. A tiger driver gets two on KTB but Mercer breaks up the drive through the table. Beverly Cannonballs Mercer against (not through) the table but KTB sends Only through the table without much effort. KTB hits a big dive to take Beverly out on the floor, leaving Mercer to take Only up.

That means a super gorilla press, dropped into a super flipping World’s Strongest Slam (good freaking grief). That’s not it either as KTB adds a powerbomb before throwing Only into a bridging German suplex to give Mercer (ignore his shoulders being down too) for the pin at 6:49.

Rating: C+. Nearly total destruction here, with 44OH (modern names can be really dumb) only getting in a little bit in the middle. Ironbeast is great for a team at this level, as they can do all of their crazy athletic power stuff without giving up much of anything. This was fun and completely different from the opener, which is what you expect on a show like this one.

Penzer says he’s old so Emil Jay can handle the rest of the announcing. Well that’s a downgrade.

Arez/Gringo Loco/Black Taurus vs. Aramis/Dragon Bane/Laredo Kid

Lucha rules of course and yeah I’m going to get lost in a hurry. The latter team comes out to Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz so they can’t be all bad (or they might not be bad at all). Loco drives Laredo into the corner to start and takes him down with a test of strength. Commentary talks about how this could be similar to what used to happen on Monday Nitro as a great introduction to lucha libre. If you’re watching GCW Spring Break, you know lucha libre and probably most of these people.

Loco cartwheels his way out of a headscissors and we get a staredown. A front flip lets Loco flip off his opponents and everyone comes in for the big staredown. Aramis and company snap off a bunch of headscissors to the floor with Arez getting knocked onto Taurus’ shoulders. That’s fine with Kid and Aramais, who hit stereo suicide dives for the double knockdowns.

Back in and a triple 450 has the villains (I think?) in more trouble but Arez scores with three straight tilt-a-whirl backbreakers. Aramis is fine enough to drop Arez onto the turnbuckle but Loco and Taurus are back in to take over with the triple teaming. Kid’s crazy high springboard is speared out of the air and Loco adds a heck of a moonsault for two. Bane’s save doesn’t work either and the triple stomping ensues.

Somehow he’s fine enough to kick Loco in the head and grab a spinning DDT on Taurus for a breather. Taurus isn’t having that and clotheslines a bunch of people but Bane and Aramais save Kid from something on top. That’s fine for the good guys, who hit a crazy stereo triple dive from the top to the floor. Back in and Aramis chops it out with Arez until Bane hits a brainbuster onto the knee.

Taurus kicks Bane in the head and drops him with a torture rack backbreaker, leaving Loco to hit a super Falcon Arrow to plant Aramis. Kid hits back to back moonsaults on Loco but Arez makes the save. A belly to back backbreaker gets two on Kid and it’s a double Old School, until Kid snaps off a springboard hurricanrana to drop Arez because of course they can do that. Loco walks the ropes for a flying cutter, leaving Aramis to hit a poisonrana on Taurus.

Since they haven’t gone insane enough, Loco puts Aramis on his shoulders with Kid on Aramis’ shoulders for a super cutter from Arez, because DANG. Taurus plants Aramis with a pop up Samoan drop and another one plants Bane. Aramis is back up with a very, very, very long spinning torture rack to Bane, which lasts so long that Kid can beat up Loco and go up top for a moonsault frog splash onto Arez and Bane can hit a springboard corkscrew dive onto Taurus. After THIRTY EIGHT SECONDS of spinning, Armais powerbombs Arez for the pin at 13:46.

Rating: B. Yep, what else are you expecting here? These matches are not designed to be anything more than a crazy exchange of spots coming one after another. There is no way to call something like this other than just listing stuff because these matches are not supposed to have any kind of a story. I had a blast with this though as I kept saying “sure why not” because people shouldn’t be able to do this kind of stuff. Awesome fun.

Post match the money is thrown into the ring to keep with tradition.

Joey Janela has sent Jordan Oliver a creepy Lio Rush tape. Then someone slips a note under Oliver’s door with the date of this show written on it.

Jordan Oliver vs. Lio Rush

Oliver is still called Big Breakfast and I still don’t know why. Rush has a very over the top entrance, with some kind of a contortionist moving around a lot to a rather slow song. Then Rush staggers out to what sounds like a rap he is performing himself and is called the Blackheart. The (few) fans are split before the bell and commentary talks about how they’re scared of this version of Rush.

They stare each other down for over a minute before Oliver kicks him out to the floor. Oliver’s suicide cutter drops Rush hard and we need a breather as they both have to get back up. A standing choke doesn’t get Oliver very far as Rush hits him in the face again. Oliver puts him in a chair and gets a running start around the ring, which takes far too long and lets Rush nail a jumping knee to the face. To mix things up, Rush puts him in the chair and hits his own running dive, which actually connects.

Back in and Rush hammers away, including a boot to the face in the corner. An ax kick gives Rush two so let’s bring in a door (which commentary thinks might be FORBIDDEN). Hold on though as Rush needs to stop and yell at a fan, allowing Oliver to strike away. Some kicks to the head rock Oliver but he’s fine enough to suplex Rush hard through the door for two.

It’s time for another door but Oliver takes too long and gets caught with rolling German suplexes. An overhead belly to belly sends Oliver through the door for a slightly delayed two as commentary doesn’t exactly get emotional with these near falls. Back up and the standing C4 cuts off Oliver’s comeback attempt as commentary hypes up Oliver being undefeated in GCW this year.

A superplex to the floor is broken up and a double knockdown puts them outside at the same time. Back in and they go with the big slugout, with commentary bringing up Karate Fighters. Oliver’s tiger driver gets two and a running kick to the face is good for the same. With Rush down, it’s time for more furniture, this time in the form of doors and chairs. Two of the doors are laid over a quartet of chairs at ringside but Rush stares at Oliver to….I guess possess him?

Either way, Oliver forearms him for two with Rush bridging up for the kickout. Rush is right back with some more rolling German suplexes but Oliver rolls through the last one and grabs a German suplex of his own. Oliver sends him to the apron, where Rush (barely) muscles him over for the Falcon Arrow outside through the doors. Back in and Rush takes WAY too long to set up a frog splash (Oliver was half sitting up) and dives into a cutter.

A springboard cutter gets a very close two on Rush and we get the big shocked face. Another cutter (without much impact) drops Rush onto the apron and they’re both down on the floor again. That’s only good for two back inside with Rush bridging up for the kickout again. Oliver loads up a super cutter but gets shoved off, allowing Rush to nail the frog splash. Something close to a Gargano Escape makes Oliver tap at 22:24.

Rating: B-. This was a very indy style big match, with the tables and a bunch of different versions of the same move. Rush is a bigger star, but Oliver has gotten a lot out of this whole weekend. Given that this loss makes him 3-1 on the day, it is pretty clear that he is putting in the ring time to get a good deal of experience. He is a long way from being signed by a big promotion, but this kind of match will get him some needed notice.

Atticus Cougar (great name, though apparently it is pronounced “Co-Gar”) talks about being a Masada fan since he was a kid and now he’s facing Masada in a death (erg) match. This match has been one of his top priorities and now it is time to prove himself. At some point, Cougar used Masada’s signature skewers on Masada’s head, which seems to be an act of war.

Atticus Cougar vs. Masada

Death match with commentary promising a lot of violence. There are weapons, including barbed wire, all around the ring to start. The brawl is on to start with Masada sending Cougar into a skewer board in the corner. Masada finds a piece of a broken door but Cougar kicks him in the face to break it up. A suicide dive is countered into a belly to back drop onto the apron and Masda doors him. Part of the door is raked over Cougar’s head but he is right back with some kendo stick shots.

Masada is back with a bed of toothpicks, which he puts on Cougar’s back and pounds it in. Said board is raked over Cougar’s head to draw the blood and then pulls some toothpicks out of his back. Something that looks like a kendo stick to the head knocks Cougar down again and it’s time for the skewers to the head. Cougar manages to dropkick him into a skewer covered board in the corner, some of which are then pounded into Masada’s head.

They fight outside where Masada can’t hit a powerbomb so Cougar gets in a shot to the face. Back in and the door is set onto two chairs, but first Cougar stabs him in the shoulder with the skewers. Masada is back with some mini skewers into Cougar’s head (where they stick) and now the powerbomb through the door gets two. The skewers go into Cougar’s mouth for another stomping and that means it’s time for a breather (and skewer removal) on the floor. A few fans try an ULTRAVIOLENCE chant as both guys stand around for a bit.

Back in and Masada grabs a powerbomb into the STF but Cougar uses a piece of wood to the hand to break it up. Cougar’s top rope double stomp gives him his own two so he puts Masada on a chair. It takes too long for him to go up top though and Masada is right there, only to get caught with a super headlock driver onto a chair. Say it with me: for two.

Cougar whips out a board with a gusset plate attached but Masada takes it away and hits him in the arm. A Death Valley Driver gets two and Masada drives said plate into the arm. Cougar hits him low and puts more skewers into the head, setting up the headlock driver to drive the skewers even further in, again, for two. A low superkick sets up a third headlock driver to finally finish Masada at 18:40.

Rating: D-. Somehow, this featured more wrestling than usual in these matches, though that didn’t exactly make it better. This was more mindless carnage and violence with all of the blood they could manage, but they used the skewers so it was awesome (allegedly). As usual, they weren’t exactly building to anything here and kept repeating the same weapons over and over. Yeah they used skewers earlier, but now they’re using them AGAIN! More nonsense and thankfully we get to move on.

Rich Swann vs. Lee Moriarty

Ok this could be good. Swann’s entrance has the fans dancing for a cool visual, with commentary talking about how wrestling brings people together and Twitter tears them apart. I guess we’re to ignore him asking fans to get the show trending on Twitter before the match. Moriarty comes in with taped up ribs and they go technical to start, including an exchange of armdrags.

Both of them try dropkicks at the same time and it’s an early standoff. They trade some flips until Swann hits the dropkick to take over for the first time. An armbar brings Moriarty back to his feet and he grabs a Codebreaker onto the arm. Swann needs a breather on the floor so Moriarty goes after him to sent the arm into various things. Back in and the arm is sent into the corner as commentary talks about the (pretty good) For The Culture show late last night.

Swann grabs a neckbreaker for a breather and the rolling splash gets two. Moriarty is right back on the arm and snaps off a heck of a DDT for two of his own. A double underhook tiger driver drops Swann again but he’s back up with a one armed handspring cutter for a very near fall. The frog splash gets two more so it’s time for the big slugout.

An exchange of kicks to the head puts both of them down and the fans are pleased. They go to a pinfall reversal sequence for multiple two’s each until Moriarty grabs a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up as well so Moriarty keeps hold of the arm and nails a lariat for another two. Moriarty takes him up top, where Swann bites the bad ribs (that’s a new one) to take him back down. The 450 finishes for Swann at 12:14.

Rating: B-. Oh sure, these two can only get twelve minutes while a fight over skewers to the head gets nearly twenty. Swann winning is completely fine, though Moriarty continues to be one of the real stars of the weekend. He is going to get a good chance somewhere in the future and matches like this one are only going to make it happen faster.

Chris Dickinson talks about how Joey Janela has been living off of his reputation for years now. He isn’t going to stand for Janela turning wrestling into a circus and now it is time to knock some sense into Janela. The snake’s head is coming off and Janela better come ready to go. Dickinson loves him though.

Chris Dickinson vs. Joey Janela

Janela is in Bam Bam Bigelow inspired gear and they go straight at it with the slugout. Dickinson grabs a powerbomb and then throws in a second to make it worse. Commentary recaps the feud here: they were stablemates and Janela agreed to put up the naming rights for the show for a World Title shot, where Dickinson turned on him, presumably for being too goofy. I’ve heard worse ideas. Dickinson throws in a door, which he breaks in some smaller pieces to go after Janela’s head.

With Janela busted open, Dickinson drives the wood into his head even more, as a proper monster should. The rest of the door goes onto Janela’s head and a running basement dropkick drives the door into him again. A half nelson suplex plants Janela for two so Dickinson takes him up top. It’s desperation time though and Janela grabs a top rope superplex for the much needed breather. Janela stomps away in the corner but Dickinson is back with some hard rolling German suplexes.

Somehow Janela pops back up with a roaring elbow for two of his own, setting up a broken door over the head. Dickinson suplexes him down again as commentary talks about Dickinson getting annoyed at putting in the effort while Janela gets everything handed to him. Dickinson heads outside and asks for a chair so the fans throw in a few dozen, with commentary being VERY against this, as they should be.

A chair to the head in the corner rocks Janela but he comes back with a superkick and DDT (yep, it’s an indy match). Dickinson clotheslines the heck out of him and they’re both down for a double breather. They head up top again, with Janela fighting out of another superplex attempt and hits a tornado DDT onto the pile of chairs. Dickinson rolls outside though, as this needs to keep going. A suicide dive sends the now bleeding Dickinson down again (Commentary: “Dickinson is F*****!”) and a top rope double stomp onto the chest gives Janela two back inside.

Janela blasts him in the head with a chair but Dickinson wants more. The delay lets Dickinson go low, setting up Death Valley Driver onto a chair for one (of course). They slug it out until Janela grabs his own Death Valley Driver for two. Dickinson catches him on top with a super Razor’s Edge toss for two more. Therefore, let’s bring in a ladder and a door, though Dickinson is smart enough to pause for a running boot to Janela’s head.

The really big ladder is set up in the corner and Dickinson bridges the door over four chairs. Janela comes back with a low blow and chair shot before climbing up. Dickinson meets him on top though and it’s a super Death Valley Driver through the door, say it with me, for two. The fans chant for JOEY KICKOUT as Dickinson is favoring his knee. The knee is good enough for some dragon screw legwhips to drop Janela, who shrugs it off to grab a Figure Four. Dickinson almost turns it over but finally taps at 21:57.

Rating: C. It was violent (with the blood thankfully only being a focus at the beginning) and it did tell a story of Janela fighting back against the powerhouse, but EGADS the kickouts were insane. That seems to be Janela’s thing and it works with this audience, though that doesn’t quite make it the easiest thing to watch. The action and high spots were good, but the eye rolling over the kickouts brought it right back down, as tends to be the case with these matches.

Post match Dickinson pulls himself up so Janela offers a handshake, only to have Dickinson spit in his hands and walk away. Janela says he’s back in GCW and gets a rather limited reaction. Some of the fans do seem to like him though, with commentary saying it means the internet doesn’t matter. They then tell us to go get GCW merch online.

Effy vs. Gregory Iron

Iron is a wrestler with cerebral palsy and has Virgil of all people (you knew he would pop up somewhere) with him. Ring announcer: “Being accompanied to the ring by……VIRGIL???”. Iron gives Virgil a big introduction, dubbing him a Spring Break Hall of Famer and the newest member of 44OH. This is billed as Brunch vs. B****, with Effy putting up the naming rights to his Big Gay Brunch (the actual title). Effy’s entrance lets commentary talk about how little Effy cares about what anyone thinks of him and how he is for everyone. He gets in Virgil’s face to start but Virgil has a bottle of vodka.

The distraction lets Iron get in some chair shots to take over in a hurry as commentary wonders how Virgil got that bottle (which is apparently for drinking, not product placement). Effy comes back with some chops in the corner as commentary wonders what Iron would serve at his brunch. Iron is back with a Thesz press and shots to the face as we talk about Iron appearing on Steve Austin’s podcast.

Something like a reverse Fameasser out of the corner gives Effy two, which has Virgil fairly disinterested (as he stands on the apron instead of the floor). A Codebreaker gets Iron out of trouble but Effy grabs a sunset flip and pulls Iron’s trunks down in the process. There’s a backsplash for two on Iron, whose trunks are still down so Effy gives it some spanks.

Virgil comes in for a distraction so Iron can get in a low blow, only to have Virgil hit him in the head with the vodka bottle by mistake (with Virgil flinching before hitting him to make it look pretty awful). Hold on though as Effy grabs some scissors to cut off Virgil’s 44OH shirt to reveal an Effy shirt. The fans are pleased as Iron (still with the trunks down) gets powerbombed for the pin at 5:59.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure how much drama there was here and the match was more about comedy with some action thrown in. Effy seems to be a fan favorite and Iron seems to be quite the nasty heel, so the story worked out well enough. The problem is that it wasn’t very good and felt like a low level TV main event more than anything else. Granted I can appreciate that as we are almost at three hours on this show.

Post match Effy pulls Iron’s trunks back up, making him even more of a face.

A scafflold has to be built for the main event so here are some commercials.

Video on Rickey Shane Page vs. Nick Gage, with Page saying he came here, stole Gage’s manhood and title, so now it’s time to do it one more time.

We pause for a good while to put up enough light tubes to make half of a cage.

GCW World Title: Rickey Shane Page vs. Nick Gage

Page (apparently the leader of 44OH) is defending and it’s a deathmatch with nearly an hour to go in the show (oh boy). The entrances take the better part of ever as commentary REALLY hypes up the war between Gage and 44OH. Gage gets his Big Match Intro and then jumps Page with a light tube during his own, because Gage isn’t that nice. Page is whipped into a wall of light tubes and it’s time for Gage to stab him in the back with a piece of broken tube.

Another whip into the corner sends Page through a sheet of glass and Gage shrugs off a whip into tubes. The Facewash into the light tubes hits Page in the corner as Page is already busted badly. Gage can’t quite get out of the ring but eventually manages a springboard backsplash to drive him through a barbed wire/glass board. Some fans hold up chairs so Gage can send him face first into them as commentary talks about the glory that is Nick Gage. Page is finally able to score with a light tube of his own (my goodness it feels dumb to say things like this) and it’s time to gouge Gage’s forehead.

That’s a bit more than Gage is willing to sell though and Page is whipped through another glass panel. Back in and another light tube goes over Page’s head and Gage does it again for good measure. Gage gets whipped hard into the other wall of light tubes and Page breaks another one over Gage’s face. A comeback is countered with a backdrop over the top and through another sheet of glass, with Gage nearly landing on his head.

Page starts going after Gage’s injured ankle (which has been a problem for months) before taking him to the apron for a toss suplex through a bed of light tubes. That’s only good for two back inside, because it’s only been about 50 light tubes so far. Gage is a bit blinded from….well everything really, and hits the referee by mistake (BECAUSE A REFEREE MATTERS SO MUCH IN THIS THING) setting up a DDT and spinebuster. Another light tube connects with Page’s head and then Gage uses a jagged piece of tube to start carving MDK into Page’s back.

Page climbs the scaffold and here is Gregory Iron to slow Gage down. That earns him a piledriver onto various pieces of glass as Effy comes out to take care of Iron. Cue more 44OH members to go after Gage, with Page directing traffic while down on the scaffold. A table is loaded up and here’s a big package of light tubes wrapped around whatever is inside the thing.

44OH takes forever to load up more glass so here are Joey Janela and some more guys (to Walk by Pantera, making me think that that we were getting a Rob Van Dam cameo) to even things up. Gage gets up and points at Page on top of the scaffold, with Gage following (as we hear a production worker talking about having Gage’s music ready).

Page is tossed through the glass and most of the tubes, completely missing the table they are on. The rest of the tubs are smashed over Page’s back as we have a new referee. Gage finishes carving the M into Page’s back but gets hit low, setting up a chokebreaker for two. The referee gets a chokebreaker as well so here is Atticus Cougar to load up ANOTHER sheet of glass over some chairs.

Some skewers go into Gage’s head and now it’s time to put more chairs and another sheet of glass onto the first sheet of glass. Cue promoter Brett Lauderdale to hit Cougar with some tubes, allowing Gage to powerbomb himself through the two sheets (with Page landing on the mat and Gage going through everything) for two. A chokebreaker gives Gage the title back at 24:37.

Rating: D-. Ignoring the rather sickening worship of Gage by commentary, the insane blood, all of the interference and the ridiculous amount of missed spots, this was full of a lot of the same problems you often have from a deathmatch: it was so repetitive that none of it had any impact. See, they used a light tube, but then they used like A HUNDRED light tubes. They put him through a sheet of glass? Well how awesome would it be if they did it five times??? This was a big story for this audience, but dang these things are not for me and the actual content of the matches is one of the least problems.

Post match Lauderdale hands Gage some spray paint so he can paint MDK on the old belt (which had been painted by Page). Hold on though as some music plays and we have Jon Moxley for the big staredown with Gage. They go nose to nose, with some of Gage’s blood getting on Moxley’s face. Moxley goes to leave but Gage shouts some expletives and now the fight is on (like Donkey Kong, according to commentary).

Moxley lays him out with the Paradigm Shift and then hits another onto the light tubes. Gage is down so Moxley gets to pose a lot and leaves, with Gage popping back up because he doesn’t stay down. Gage asks where his motherf****** gang is and calls Moxley a variety of bad names. He thanks the fans for having his back and worrying about him while he was out with an injury.

What matters is that he is the best deathmatch wrestler in the world and he and Moxley will have a REAL deathmatch. Everything around here is real and none of these weapons are fake so we’ll see who is really tough. Gage hits the catchphrase, wants one of his friends let out of prison, and hits the catchphrase again to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The thing that needs to be understood here is that there are a lot of good matches on here. A lot of this stuff had nothing to do with the violence or the hardcore and was just about having some solid action. They had a good mixture of action with various kinds of wrestling and a lot of it is watchable at best and very entertaining at worst.

Then you have the deathmatch stuff and simply put, you’re either into it or you’re not and there isn’t much of a middle ground. One thing that does help is that (possible quality aside), there is certainly a main story going on through GCW, with 44OH seemingly feuding with most of the promotion. That’s fine for a story to have going on and it does seem like the deathmatches were set up, but they’re absolutely not my thing and it brings the rest of the show down. If you’re into some rather watchable indy stuff, this is absolutely worth a look, but you might want to have the fast forward ready for two of the longer matches.

 

 

 

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Dynamite
Date: July 28, 2021
Location: Bojangles Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Excalibur, Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone

It’s another huge show with Fight For The Fallen. The card is stacked again, including the IWGP US Title, the ten man elimination match, and the mainstream debut of Nick Gage. The latter is going to get the most attention for the sake of freak show appeal, which may or may not be a disaster. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Commentary runs down the card.

We get a video on what it means to be a cowboy, which seems to mean being loyal to your friends and ready to fight.

Elite vs. Dark Order/Hangman Page

After hearing about how serious this is and seeing how Omega and company looked scared of facing Page, the Elite has a full on Space Jam theme, complete with music, basketballs and Elite Squad jerseys. It does seem to be a sponsored deal though, which makes things a bit better. At least they’re getting paid for turning another big match into a joke of some kind. Anderson and Page start but everything breaks down in a hurry, with a superplex from the top taking down the pile on the floor.

Back in and the Good Brothers get caught in the corner until a Stunner/running clothesline combination gets two on Anderson. A rollup with trunks gets rid of Alex Reynolds at 3:53. The rest of the Dark Order and Page surround Anderson and a quick Fatality evens things up at 4:50. We take a break and come back with Grayson enziguring Gallows with Omega having to make a save. A bunch of people go outside and Grayson tries a skytwister press to take everyone down, though they didn’t exactly catch him. Gallows kicks Grayson over the barricade but gets taken down as both guys are counted out at 11:15.

Back in and Uno’s Downward Spiral gets two on Omega but the Swanton only hits knees. The V Trigger into the One Winged Angel gets rid of Uno at 12:30, leaving us with Page/Silver vs. Omega/Young Bucks. Silver spears Matt and hammers away until Matt pokes him in the eye. A bulldog plants Silver again and a leg lariat drops him as well as we take a break. Back with Silver getting to clean house until Omega is back in to take him down.

Silver is sent outside as the basketball goal is loaded up. The Indytaker, with a missed dunk, plants Silver on the floor and the academic pin gets rid of him at 19:05. Page is left on his own and Omega takes off the jersey to make it serious. They slug it out until a V Trigger into a pair of superkicks rocks Page. There’s the Snapdragon into a triple superkick for two. Page gets draped in the ropes for the 450 but he is back with a double clothesline to the Bucks.

The moonsault onto the floor takes out all of the Elite and Nick is grabbing his knee. Back in and the Buckshot Lariat is broken up, as is the Indytaker. A double Buckshot Lariat gets rid of Matt at 23:58 so Omega grabs the belt. That’s countered into the Deadeye for two but Nick grabs the leg so Omega can get in the belt shot….for two. A pair of V Triggers get two and the One Winged Angel finishes Page at 25:37.

Rating: B. I love the Survivor Series and it was so nice to have something on the line in one of these things for a change. The action was good and there was little reason for the Elite to have trouble against the Dark Order. The end result is not likely to be permanent and that’s fine, as Page can still get the shot and the title at All Out somehow. Good match, and if AEW can make some money off of the Space Jam deal, so be it.

Pac isn’t worried about the Lucha Bros not being here so here are Chavo Guerrero, Andrade and the interpreter to say the Bros are coming in a limo. Chavo explains the idea of a limo and Andrade says (I think) that they better be ready to fight.

Taz introduces Ricky Starks for his FTW Championship Celebration. A band plays Starks to the ring, where he talks about how worthless Brian Cage has been. Cage never even checked on him when he had a broken neck because Cage is a selfish guy. Starks is a star, which Cage didn’t figure out in seventeen years. Cue Cage to beat up the band and chase Starks off.

Hiroshi Tanahashi wants to be the IWGP US Champion and is challenging the winner of tonight’s match. That’s a big cameo.

Santana/Ortiz vs. FTR

This should be great with Konnan and Tully Blanchard at ringside. Ortiz and Wheeler feel each other out to start until it’s off to Santana and Harwood for the slugout. A few Amigos give Santana two and everything breaks down, with a powerbomb/neckbreaker combination dropping Harwood. We take a break and come back with Ortiz getting the tag to clean house, including a powerbomb to Harwood out of the corner.

An O’Connor roll gets two on Harwood but the kickout sends Ortiz onto Wheeler on the floor. Back in and a powerbomb into a frog splash gets two on Harwood. A forearm just angers Santana, who snaps off a German suplex. Everything breaks down and Wheeler springboard tornado DDTs Ortiz. Santana powerbombs Harwood for two and they’re both down.

Back up and Harwood superplexes Ortiz, who reverses the landing into a small package for two. As the cover goes down, you can see Wheeler grabbing his arm and walking towards the back, which does not seem to be a good sign. Harwood is back up with a kick to the ribs and the brainbuster to finish Ortiz at 11:05. That felt really sudden and the injury might be a reason.

Rating: B-. This was the good, hard hitting match that you would expect with the arm injury likely cutting things short. Fair enough if that’s the case and hopefully it is a bad cut instead of a major injury. What we got here was good and I can’t blame them a bit for having a sudden ending if someone got hurt. Just bad luck and hopefully Wheeler is ok.

Post match Harwood goes over to check on Wheeler, who is surrounded by medics and is bleeding from the arm.

Britt Baker knows Nyla Rose is tough but she made Rose tap out last week with a broken wrist. She’s awesome, because she’s Britt Baker DMD.

Tony Schiavone announces that the second Rampage (August 20) will take place in the United Center in Chicago for the First Dance. Fans: “CM PUNK!”

Darby Allin says he’ll be in Chicago. He has heard people talking about being the greatest, and you can prove that in AEW. Come prove that you are the…..best in the world.

IWGP US Title: Hikuleo vs. Lance Archer

Hikuleo is challenging and has his father, Haku, in his corner. Archer hammers away on the taller Hikuleo but gets clotheslined out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Archer in trouble after Haku used the Tongan Death Grip during the break. Archer fights back with the Old School moonsault to rock Hikuleo again. A top rope superplex connects for two, setting up the Blackout to retain at 7:14.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but it was more about the spectacle than anything else. Haku was a fine legend appearance and it was nice to have them show the Tongan Death Grip….eventually. Archer vs. Tanahashi (confirmed to be in Japan rather than here) will be good and this was a nice way to set that up.

Cody Rhodes is in the back for an interview but Malakai Black jumps him from behind. They fight into the arena with Black kicking him in the face. Some other wrestlers come out to check on him but Black kicks Fuego del Sol out as well.

Miro is ready for next week’s open challenge for the TNT Title, but no one is going to be taking the title from him. He is blessed with this title and a double joined wife, so come get it.

Hardy Family Office vs. Christian Cage/Luchasaurus/Jungle Boy

That would be Angelico/Private Party for the Office, the rest of whom is at ringside along with Marko Stunt. Boy and Angelico start things off with Angelico sending him outside. Hardy hits him in the face, so Christian and Stunt chase Hardy to the back. That leaves it 3-2 so Boy brings in Luchasaurus to clean house. Private Party flips out of a double chokeslam but Christian is back…and gets kicked outside. Boy dives onto Angelico and Kassidy, leaving Quen to get chokeslammed. Christian’s frog splash is good for the pin at 4:41.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one, as the Christian vs. Hardy feud isn’t doing anything for me. I’ll take bringing in other people to spice it up a bit though, especially if that doesn’t involve Stunt in the ring. It’s quite the downgrade for Boy after his World Title feud, but Christian is looking better week to week.

Post match, the Blade sneaks in to deck Christian with the brass knuckles.

Julia Hart vs. Thunder Rosa

Big reaction for Rosa in her first match as an official member of the roster. Rosa takes her down with ease to start but Hart pops up to wave at the fans. That earns her another takedown, meaning Hart needs a rope break. A running clothesline knocks Hart down in the corner and the slingshot knees make it worse. Rosa misses a charge but is fine enough to grab a kneebar. Hart makes the rope again so it’s a Fire Thunder Driver to give Rosa the pin at 4:02.

Rating: D+. This was a squash and not the most interesting one. Hart is very, very green but she plays the cheerleader well. Rosa getting to maul someone that innocent and sweet is a good idea and made her look like a monster all over again. Not a competitive match or anything, but it didn’t need to be.

Jon Moxley talks about how everything changed when he lost the IWGP US Title last week. No one seems to be caring about him anymore, but no matter because he wants Hiroshi Tanahashi. Moxley will be waiting on the other side of the Forbidden Door.

Nick Gage vs. Chris Jericho

No rules and Jericho is the Painmaker. MJF, with popcorn, joins commentary. Gage wastes no time in cutting Jericho’s arm open with the pizza cutter and the slugout is on. A spinebuster puts Jericho down and they head outside to slug it out. Back in and Gage hits a superplex, followed by a Falcon Arrow for two. Jericho gets the Walls out of nowhere so Gage grabs the rope….which has no effect so he has to crawl out of the ring to escape instead.

They go outside with Gage grabbing the light tubes but Jericho has Floyd the baseball bat. Jericho bats him down but Gage hits a chokebreaker. The pizza cutter is out again and Jericho’s head is carved up. We take a break and come back with Gage bridging a pane of glass between two chairs. The Vader Bomb takes too long though and Jericho hurricanranas him through the glass for two instead.

The Codebreaker is countered into a spinebuster onto the glass and Jericho screams a lot. Back to back light tube shots have Jericho in trouble and it’s time to stab Jericho in the head with the broken tubes. Gage grabs another one, but Jericho hits him with the mist. Tubes to the head rock Gage and the Judas Effect gives Jericho the pin at 12:45.

Rating: D. Your tastes may vary here (and I’m sure they will) but deathmatches are not my thing. Hey look he’s using light tubes! Well now he’s using MORE light tubes! I’m a bit conflicted here though, because on one hand, the light tubes are stupid. On the other hand, my dad worked in a light bulb factory for 45 years so……this kind of thing paid for me to go to college so I have to feel a bit guilty about part of it. The match was still bad though so it makes up for a bit of the trouble.

Post match MJF says that the next labor is going to involve Jericho hitting a move off the top. We see a clip of Jericho and MJF arguing in 2019, with Juventud Guerrera being referenced. Next week it’s Jericho vs. Guerrera, in Guerrera’s first appearance on TNT in fifteen years. Not exactly, but math isn’t AEW’s deal. They didn’t say it, but I’m guessing Jericho has to hit a 450?

Overall Rating: B. The best thing I can say about this show is it flew by. Dynamite is not a boring show and even the main event felt fast. There is something very positive to be said about seeing that it is 9:15 and wondering where the show has gone. Stories were advanced, the opener was good and we’re done with Gage (in theory). What more can you ask for in two hours? Other than less Gage and a healthy Wheeler of course.

Results
Elite b. Hangman Page/Dark Order last eliminating Page
FTR b. Santana/Ortiz – Brainbuster to Ortiz
Lance Archer b. Hikuleo – Black Out
Christian Cage/Luchasaurus/Jungle Boy b. Hardy Family Office – Frog splash to Quen
Thunder Rosa b. Julia Hart – Fire Thunder Driver
Chris Jericho b. Nick Gage – Judas Effect

 

 

 

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Adventures In Wrestling
Date: April 5, 2019
Location: White Eagle Hall, Jersey City, New Jersey
Commentator: Sarah Shockey, Drew Cordero

This is from Black Label Pro, which I’ve heard of in name only. We’re still in Wrestlemania weekend and that means that, as usual, I have no idea what to expect here. This is one of the rare shows where I’ve heard very few good things about the event. For the show to be considered that bad, I’m almost scared of what is going to happen here. Let’s get to it.

Ring announcer Stepstool Sarah (who was on the Independent Wrestling Family Reunion show) welcomes us to the show and introduces the first match.

Black Label Pro Title: Ethan Page vs. Kobe Durst

Page is defending and comes out first, demanding that Durst get out here right now. Durst comes in from behind and smashes Page with a chair as I guess this is No DQ. Page gets knocked to the floor and a kick to the face makes it even worse. The announcer does let us know that it’s a street fight, which really could have been said before the introductions. A chair shot knocks Durst backwards and Page loads up the chair in the corner. They slug it out on the floor until Durst gets thrown head first into the chair for a knockdown.

The chair is wrapped around Durst’s throat and gets sent into the post as they haven’t been in the ring yet. As the announcers give us the first bit of backstory (Durst has recently gone heel, though Page is heelish as well), Durst comes back with a chair shot of his own and sends Page into the post to even the score. Durst throws a trashcan (full of weapons) and they actually get inside over four minutes into the match.

We get an OLD CHAMP/NEW CHAMP dueling chant as Durst gets caught on top with a super fall away slam which nearly saw him land on his head. With that near death experience out of the way, Durst is fine enough to kick out at two. A jumping Fameasser gives Durst two but Page is right back with a superkick into a toss powerbomb onto a trashcan. That’s only good for two as Durst’s goons come in to lay out Page but Durst gives one of them a top rope Codebreaker by mistake. How you can conceivably give someone a move like a TOP ROPE CODEBREAKER by mistake isn’t clear.

Page is back up and throws Durst onto his goons but Durst is right back in with a top rope seated senton onto Page onto a chair for a huge crash. There’s a table bridged between a pair of chairs but Page super jackknifes him through said table for the big crash. Page goes for a chair but Durst winds up wrapping it around his head for a Codebreaker. A piledriver onto a chair gives Durst the pin and the title at 15:07.

Rating: C+. This worked, though they could have gone with a lot more backstory. We got bits and pieces here and there but I needed a lot more than just “well they used to be friends but WHAT A CHAIR SHOT!” It could have been a lot worse though and I could piece the story together well enough. Couple that with some action and they had a nice enough opener.

Page chases Durst to the back.

Independent Wrestling TV Title: Orange Cassidy vs. Bryan Alvarez

Bryan is challenging and yes it’s THAT Bryan Alvarez, of F4WOnline fame. Cassidy is a rather heavy favorite and starts with his signature hands in his pockets pose. The no effort shoulder freaks the fans out and Cassidy kicks him away and does it again. Alvarez tries to run the ropes so Cassidy crawls through his legs. Apparently not having watched any shows this weekend, Alvarez goes for a waistlock so Cassidy dances out and nips up (on the second attempt).

Rating: D+. I’m just kind of over Cassidy at this point, having seen nearly half a dozen matches from him over the weekend. They’re all very similar and after so many of them in a few days, they become rather repetitive and lose their charm. It wasn’t a bad match for comedy stuff, but that’s about all it had going.

Sadkampf vs. Manny Fernandez/Tank

Sadkampf is Dominic Garrini and Kevin Ku and Fernandez was a star in JCP back in the mid to late 1980s (and elsewhere). I always liked the guy and he was a big reason why I wanted to see this show. Before the match, Fernandez pays a quick tribute to Vickie Funk and says that without the fans, the wrestlers are nothing. Tank, a rather big guy, goes straight to what looks like a fork to stab Ku in the head. Fernandez slams Garrini as Ku gets a fork between the legs.

There’s a bite to Garrini’s feet as I don’t think we’re going to be having any regular wrestling. Tank headbutts his partner to fire him up and it’s time for some barbecue skewers, sending Sadkampf running into the crowd. Fernandez gets posted and it’s Garrini bringing in some chairs to blast Tank. That’s broken up by a horrible chair shot from Fernandez and it’s time to sit in the chairs and hit each other in the face. The barbecue skewers start drawing blood and Tank hits some assisted splashes in the corner. Fernandez gets sent to the floor in a hurry though and a small package pins Tank at 7:20.

Post match Tank and Fernandez cleans house with the chairs.

Nick Gage vs. Swoggle

Oh geez is going to get worse. Swoggle goes straight for two chairs and sits in the middle for a slugout with Gage. After Swoggle gets the better of it, Gage takes him down with a spinebuster. They head outside with Gage being thrown into the chairs and a dive off the second level drops him again. Back in and Gage hits him with a chair, setting up the Vader Bomb elbow for two.

Rating: D-. Gage isn’t a wrestler and Swoggle was doing everything he could. There isn’t much of a need to have two run-ins in a seven minute match but then again there’s little need for this other than freak show appeal. I know I’m not the right audience, but I like Swoggle and they kept it….timely. Just get rid of Gage.

Post match Gage praises Swoggle and promises to get in a deathmatch by the end of the weekend. Swoggle thanks Gage for proving to the marks that he can still do this.

Brian Zane of Wrestling With Wregret (which I somehow just started watching) is here to host the battle royal. He’s loudly booed out of the ring but manages to say that the winner will be the Wrestling With Wregret Internet Champion. Oh and they get a million dollars.

Wrestling With Wregret Internet Title: Battle Royal

Allie Kat, Aspyn Rose, Boomer Hatfield, Cabana Man Dan, Danhausen, Danny Adams, Derek Direction, Dr. Daniel C. Rockingham, Eddy Only, Frisco Flame, Jay Freddie, Kody Lane, Levi Shapiro, Maria Manic, Marino Tenaglia, Matt Knicks, O’Shay Edwards, Perry Von Vicious, Philly Collins, Steph De Lander, White Mike, Yuu

Shapiro is defending and it’s just a bunch of names with nothing more than an individual entrance. Danhausen throws someone out almost immediately and it’s Yuu out next. Commentary is the only thing I can go for here as these people aren’t named other than when they’re being eliminated. A few unnamed people are tossed and a woman with very yellow hair starts Stunning a line of also unnamed entrants.

The huge Edwards no sells a few until a third sends him into the corner but Manic (a rather angry looking woman) isn’t having any of this. Danhausen goes up top for no apparent reason, allowing Edwards to dump him, Direction and Only. Rockingham is thrown out but comes back in to offer tickets to Edwards and Manic. That means a double toss, followed by a slugout between Manic and Edwards. Maria gets rid of him and someone else, but someone (NAME THESE PEOPLE) eliminates Hatfield.

Cabana Man Dan beats on people with his flip flops before being tossed as well. More eliminations follow and it’s Maria and Steph beating on Allie in the corner. That partnership lasts as long as any partnership and it’s Maria tossing her after a shoulder. We’re down to Allie, Maria and Shapiro, who is out in a hurry. Maria pulls out and loses a knife but jumps over the top for a dropkick….and misses completely to eliminate herself and give Allie the win at 10:37. Oh hang on though as Adams runs back in, tries an elimination, and gets piledriven on the apron to give Allie the real win at 11:46.

Rating: F. You know, I’m struggling to come up with a show that just died so hard in the middle like this. The opener was passable, the second match was good enough if you haven’t seen Cassidy all weekend and then….my goodness. I don’t know who was in this match and I have no reason to care, but hey, Allie won and gets to pose with someone the fans hate despite being a face. Egads it could actually get worse too.

Post match Zane gives her the title and a huge check before they both leave so we can move on.

Kurt Stallion/AJ Gray/Gary Jay vs. Jake Parnell/Chris Dickinson/Rory Gulak

Parnell is Indiana State Champion….but hang on as Rory wants to make it an eight man tag.

Kurt Stallion/AJ Gray/Gary Jay/CW Anderson vs. Jake Parnell/Chris Dickinson/Rory Gulak/Daniel Makabe

Good thing Stallion and company had a friend ready. Makabe’s shoulder has no effect on Anderson to start so CW slaps him in the face. It’s off to Dickinson vs. Stallion for some technical stuff until a headbutt knocks both of them down. Jay comes in to chop Dickinson, who is right back with a Death Valley Driver as they’re getting in as much as they can as fast as they can. Parnell comes in to chop at Jay (archenemy) and it’s Gulak (Drew’s brother) coming in for a chinlock.

Jay gets taken into the corner and Dickinson puts Rory on his shoulders, setting up a big elbow drop. Jay jawbreaks his way out of Makabe’s chinlock and it’s Gray coming in to clean house with clotheslines. Parnell gets catapulted into Anderson’s superkick as everything breaks down. That means the parade of strikes and suplexes until Anderson hits his spinebuster. Gray lariats the heck out of Parnell for the pin at 7:10.

Rating: D+. This was the best match in a long time on the show but it’s another case of having so many people involved that no one got to stand out and it didn’t work. There wasn’t much of a reason to make this an eight man tag, other than getting an ECW name in there. Just too rushed and cluttered to work, but that’s been the case all show.

Jordynne Grace/Kylie Rae/Nicole Savoy/Samantha Heights/Solo Darling vs. Charli Evans/Indi Hartwell/Jessica Troy/Shazza McKenzie/Zoe Lucas

They’re kidding right? This is USA vs. the World, which is the most original idea they could come up with. Troy and Darling start things off (I think, as the announcers are talking about other matches over the weekend) with Troy getting caught in a half crab on the mat. Darling reverses into something like a Tequila Sunrise. That’s reversed into an exchange of leg pulls, with the other eight coming in to make it a huge tug of war.

Savoy and Hartwell come in with Hartwell getting caught in an ankle lock, sending her over to Shazza for a save. Jordynne comes in as well for a captain vs. captain showdown (because this match needs captains). Grace gets caught in an early La Majistral for two and it’s a pinfall reversal sequence into a standoff.

They shake hands and it’s off to Rae, who is similar to Bayley’s original NXT gimmick (and downright adorable). A chin and facebreaker get rid of Rae and Evans comes in to take over on Rae in the corner. Grace breaks up a cover but it just allows Rae to get beaten down even more.

The Aussies take turns whipping each other into Rae in the corner but a bunch of forearms get her out of trouble, setting up the hot tag to Grace to clean house with raw power. Savoy and Heights hit stereo dives and Rae adds a trust fall, leaving Grace to dive onto everyone. Back in and it’s another parade of I’m assuming finishers, including the Grace Driver to finish Lucas at 11:42.

Rating: D+. This is a joke right? As has been the case with most of the matches tonight: no story, no psychology, barely anything differentiating the wrestlers. This is a bunch of people doing moves to each other until one of them gets a fall. I’m getting sick of this nonsense and I don’t see things getting any better.

Tag Team Titles: Space Pirates vs. Besties In The World vs. Robbie Eagles/Sammy Guevara

The Pirates (Space Monkey/Shane Sabre) are defending and this was billed as a four way during the entrances. It’s a brawl to start with Monkey pulling at the Besties’ (Davey Vega and Mat Fitchett) hair. Sammy and Eagles make the save and clean house until we hit a hanging DDT with a triple reverse DDT with a Salida Del Sol, because MULTI MAN MATCH!

A series of springboard shots to the head sets up Sabre backdropping Monkey for a cutter onto Eagles for two (cool spot) with Sammy making the save. Sammy’s Burning Hammer into a cutter gets two on Sabre with the Besties diving in to break it up. A toss cutter gives the Besties two but it’s a kneeling belly to back piledriver with a tail whip (exactly what it sounds like) to give Eagles the pin on Fitchett at 5:35.

Rating: C-. Another match with a bunch of people thrown together with everyone hitting a series of moves until there was a pin. I didn’t bother looking up the Besties’ names because it’s not like they made a difference. The other teams’ names didn’t either as I knew them in the first place. This show has gone off a cliff and this was the same problem all over again.

Jonathan Gresham vs. Shigehiro Irie

Irie is a hard hitting guy from Japan who has been around all weekend. Gresham gets in and Irie jumps him at the bell, setting up a seated senton for an early two. Back up and Irie gets knocked to the floor but he’s fine enough to pull Gresham outside and send him into the barricade for rather limited impact.

Back in and Gresham wins a slugout, setting up a running basement dropkick in the corner. The sleeper doesn’t work and Irie gets two off a swinging Boss Man Slam. Irie’s top rope splash gets two but Gresham is right back with a hurricanrana for two of his own. The sleeper is broken up again and this time Irie hits a Cannonball in the corner. A standing Lionsault makes Irie roll to the floor, allowing Gresham to hit the running flip dive.

The Shooting Star gets two back inside and it’s time to trade forearms again. Gresham hits a pair of sliding lariats but a running backbreaker gives Irie two of his own. Another dive to the floor has Irie in trouble and Gresham grabs the sleeper outside. The hold stays on as they roll back inside with Irie passing out to give Gresham the win at 8:00.

Rating: B-. This wasn’t great but egads it was a breath of fresh air after everything that I’ve had to sit through in the last hour and a half. Gresham is one of the best technical guys in the world right now and Irie is someone who is likely going to get a regular job out of this weekend after his very solid performances. Good main event, which was exactly what the show needed.

Overall Rating: D. Oh yeah I get the negative reception. The wrestling was watchable enough but they felt like they were trying to cram in every single thing that they could, which just didn’t work. There’s no blow away match here and ending with a random match instead of the title match (Page was likely booked elsewhere so it makes sense) didn’t help. This was easily the worst show I’ve seen this weekend from a structure standpoint and packing everything together was the fatal downfall.

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Slumber Party Massacre
Date: April 4, 2019
Location: White Eagle Hall, Jersey City, New Jersey
Commentators: Matt Wadsworth, The Duke

Who can’t do four full shows in one day anymore? This is another Wrestlemania weekend show and another situation where I have no idea what to expect as I don’t follow Absolute Intense Wrestling. Here’s pretty much everything you need to know: the main event is Scott Steiner vs. Swoggle. We good? Let’s get to it.

No opening sequence, though it might have been cut off.

La Familia de Tijuana vs. Young Studs

Mexican Death Match. La Familia is Bestia 666/Damien 666 and the Studs are Bobby Beverly/Eric Ryan. There are a bunch of forks thrown into the ring and it’s time to go for blood early. I’m thinking I’ve made a mistake with this show. The blood is already flowing from Beverly’s head and it’s time to choke with belts. Ryan gets a chair wrapped around his neck and Damien sends it into the post. Eric is right back with a barbed wire bat to draw blood of his own and it’s time for some doors (they don’t use tables).

A chair gets rammed between Ryan’s legs, followed by the barbed wire being put against his head for some headbutts from Bestia. The Studs’ offense gets them nowhere and it’s a double MuscleBuster for two on Beverly. Ryan throws a chair at Damien to finally get somewhere and Beverly Japanese armdrags Ryan into both of them in the corner. And now, a door covered in forks. That takes a bit too long though and Damien hits a Death Valley Driver to put Ryan through the fork filled door for the pin at 9:34.

Rating: D. Oh yeah I’m not going to be liking this one very much as it’s seemingly trying to be ECW. There was no story mentioned here and it was just four people doing violent stuff to each other. Some of the spots were gruesome enough but there’s only so much you can get out of something like this.

Post match they shake hands and Ryan stabs himself in the head with a fork to a positive reaction.

Dominic Garrini vs. Joshua Bishop

Submission/surrender match. Garrini was on a show earlier today and Bishop (with manager Wes Barker) looks like a cross between Raven and Justin Credible. Garrini doesn’t waste time in kneeing Bishop outside for a double suicide dive. They chop it out as commentary says they don’t quite know why these two hate each other. Well at least they don’t like each other.

Bishop’s kick is caught and Garrini rams the ankle into the post for an F*** NO answer to a question of if he gives up. Bishop gets in a few shots to the ribs and it’s time for railroad spikes with both guys jabbing each other in the head over and over. The bloody Garrini goes for a choke but Barker hits him with a chair. That earns Barker a piledriver on the apron but Bishop chairs Garrini down to take over again.

Another door is set up between some chairs and Bishop powerbombs him through the door and the chairs. Back in and Garrini is alive enough to piledrive Bishop onto a chair for the NO so Garrini hits him with whatever he can find, including a tack covered bat to the face. Some wooden skewers are brought in but Bishop takes them away and drives it into Garrini’s cauliflower ear.

Bishop brings in a bag of tacks but gets front suplexed onto them, setting up a backsplash to make it even worse. Garrini drives the skewers into his head (and they hang there) until Bishop drops him onto the tacks for another no. With nothing else working, Bishop handcuffs Garrini around the post and gets some lighter fluid from Barker. The threat of fire makes Garrini give up at 11:25.

Rating: D+. Well that was sick. It had more of a story than the first match but I have a feeling we’re in for a lot of these matches tonight, albeit with a much more technical match thrown in so they can call themselves a wrestling company. I’m not a fan of this kind of insane stuff and it feels out of the 90s more than anything else.

The students come in to clear out the ring as Garrini is unhooked.

Tag Team Titles: To Infinity and Beyond vs. The Production vs. The Boys From Jollyville vs. The Philly Marino Experience

To Infinity and Beyond (Cheech and Colin Delaney) are defending and I have no idea who anyone else are. The Boys From Jolly (T-Money/Nasty Russ Myers) are also known as the Jollyville F***-Its, the Experience (Philly Collins and Marino Tenaglia seemingly the most popular team here) dance a lot and the Production (Derek Director and Eddie Only) seem like they make movies. Marino dives off the top on the champs and it’s T Money spinning Collins around so Myers can punch him in the face.

The Production’s manager Danhauser comes in and helps beat up Experience, who pops up for some double teaming. The champs come back in and clear the ring setting up a suicide dive from Cheech. Not to be outdone, Myers moonsaults onto everyone but gets caught. Philly goes up as well and moonsaults the pile down.

Sunset Dreams hits Colin for two with the Production diving in for the save. The huge Money Pounces Derek to the floor and busts up Philly’s spine. Russ mostly misses a moonsault for no cover on Derek, leaving Money to dive on everyone. Myers hits a top rope splash on Eddie Only (Derek’s partner) but Colin makes a save with a bad Stunner. Back up and it’s a Codebreaker/hanging DDT to the Producers at the same time. Another Codebreaker to Derek, with Cheech holding him in place for a superbomb from Colin, driving Eddie onto Derek for the pin at 6:58.

Rating: C-. It was certainly fast paced, though again I have no idea who most of these people are, who I’m supposed to cheer for (apparently not the guy in a Toy Story jacket) but that’s not what matters in something like this. A place like AIW is all about cramming in as much stuff as you can into the time you have and not worrying about any kind of flow or storytelling. I get the idea and this was the best thing so far, but it’s much more exciting than good, which can get old after awhile.

Post match the champs tell the fans to shut up and yell about any REAL teams who want to come see them in Cleveland. In other words, this is the only real wrestling.

Eddie Kingston vs. Shinjiro Otani

Otani is a Japanese legend, making me wonder if he got lost coming here. Kingston gets taken down by the arm to start and Otani slaps on a headlock that Eddie can’t break. They go with the loud chop off with Eddie being knocked down into the corner for a very delayed Facewash. A Broski Boot makes it even worse and Otani does it again, kicking his young boys down in the process. It works so well that Otani does it again….and then a third time.

It’s finally enough for two before Eddie gets up and starts in on the knee. Otani’s chops are cut off by another kick to the leg and we hit a half crab. After the grab of a rope gets Otani out, Eddie kicks the leg out all over again, setting up the spinning Backfist to the Future for two. Otani is right back up with a legsweep and a German suplex into a lariat for the pin at 9:47.

Rating: C. Well that was better than I expected, which has nothing to do with the match being an actual wrestling match instead of some violent brawl. Otani is a cool get for the show as he was wrestling all the way back in 1992 (and at Starrcade 1995) so it was cool to see something like this. Not a great match (Otani’s leg being fine out of nowhere was a stretch) but after everything else, I’ll take what I can get.

Post match Kingston praises Otani in Japanese.

Swoggle vs. Scott Steiner

Duke has been replaced on commentary by Colin Delaney. Steiner comes out but says cut his music, because he has some special music for this match. That would be….Short People by Randy Newman. Swoggle flips him off as Steiner conducts the crowd in a funny bit. Steiner swears a lot and rants about being politically correct before ripping into Swoggle with a variety of names that would be censored elsewhere.

He’s too good to face Swoggle here so Steiner has brought in his own short guy: Cabana Man Dan, who hits Swoggle with a flip flop. The German suplexes have Dan in trouble and Swoggle makes him tap to the Recliner. A woman who came out with Steiner gets in the ring so Swoggle kisses her, drawing Steiner in to blast him and get things going. Steiner sends him outside but Swoggle finds a beer to spit in Steiner’s face.

That just earns him a chair to the back and one near the head. Steiner swears a lot and hits him with another chair but it’s Dan’s turn to go inside. Dan spanks Swoggle with the flip flop….and Steiner beats Dan up too. Some belly to belly suplexes send Dan outside but Swoggle is up with a double middle finger. That means a Steiner Line and a belly to belly for two with Steiner pulling him up.

Rating: B. Well what else were you expecting here? I’ll give them some major, major points for actually making this something other than straight comedy and not having Swoggle win for the sake of a feel good moment. This was much more entertaining than it had any right to be (consider who was in there for a second) and I had a good time with it. Well done for a match that should have been an even bigger joke.

Maxwell Jacob Friedman/Ethan Page vs. Colt Cabana/Space Monkey

I know these people! You knew Cabana would be all over this weekend and that’s not a bad thing. Hang on a second as Page says Cabana needs to let his son be his (as in Page’s) partner. Cabana says deal so here’s….MJF for the match in I’m guessing an angle that they’re not bothering to explain. The fans sing YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, presumably at Friedman, again in something that isn’t explained here.

Monkey shrugs it off and starts cleaning house but Page breaks up the monkey flip. A delayed vertical suplex drops Monkey and it’s off to MJF to stand on the tail. And now, just because, a tail lock. Monkey isn’t having that and it’s off to Cabana for elbows and a spinning spinebuster. MJF jumps on Cabana’s back and rants about Cabana being his father but gets taken down into the Billy Goat’s Curse for the tap at 7:45.

Rating: D+. I shouldn’t be left with a confused look on my face after a match but that’s what we had here. They could have explained the story here but that’s not as important as yelling laughing at Colt’s shtick. The joke seemed funny, but when you’re stuck trying to figure out what’s going on, it doesn’t exactly have the same impact.

Mance Warner vs. Nick Gage

Dang it this wasn’t on the card so it’s an extra match. Warner comes out to Simple Man, making him more awesome than usual. It’s just a cover but a heck of a well done one for a great entrance. Gage gets a hero’s welcome here and they go right with the fighting as this isn’t going to be anything but violence. Both guys get rammed into various things and it’s a chair across Gage’s back.

They fight up to the stage and trade shots to the face until Warner gets thrown off the stage. Gage bites the head and brings Warner and a chair back in but takes a running knee to the head for two. A bulldog onto Cage’s arm onto the chair keeps Gage in trouble but Warner takes too long on the lariat, allowing Gage to DDT him onto a chair. There’s the chokebreaker and a Broski Boot to drive a chair into Warner’s face. Warner’s manager Duke comes in and chairs Warner by mistake, earning a chair shot from Gage. Colin: “See Duke? Now you’re a dead person.”

Gage bridges another door between two chairs but gets chokeshoved off the middle rope through said door for two. A piece of the door hits Warner in the head but he pops up with a pair of lariats for two more. Gage is right back with back to back piledrivers onto a door into a powerbomb for the pin at 11:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of blood helped this a lot as it was more about two hardcore guys hitting each other. I never need to see another weapon shot to the head again and Gage isn’t a wrestler, but that’s not the point of something like this. I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve seen and heard from Warner though and it helped having him here a lot.

Post match Gage thanks the fans and promises to quit when the people stop cheering him, throwing in a small ton of F bombs along the way.

Absolute Title: Pretty Boy Smooth vs. Tim Donst vs. Matthew Justice vs. Tom Lawlor

Smooth is defending and Justice’s Intense Title isn’t on the line. Lawlor has never been pinned in singles competition and dances around the ring for a rather different presentation than you get in MLW. Lawlor is introduced as the 2005 Bob Evans pie eating champion. Smooth is a giant and probably stands about 6’8/9. Everyone goes after Smooth to start but he’s right back up and throws everyone around without much trouble.

Lawlor takes him down and grabs a Figure Four but throws in an ankle lock on Justice for a bonus. Donst makes the save before using Lawlor as a launchpad for an elbow on Smooth. Justice is back up with the suicide dives, plus a running elbow off the apron to send Lawlor into some chairs. Lawlor is right back up and chops it out with Justice, who gets the better of it. A big dive onto the floor takes out everyone for the major crash.

Back in and Justice gets crotched on top, setting up a heck of a superplex. Donst isn’t done and suplexes Justice into the other two for a near fall. Everyone gets a suplex from Donst, who collapses after throwing everyone. Justice is up first and goes Coast to Coast to hit Lawlor, who is then backdropped onto Justice and Smooth. Back in and it’s a series of rollups for two each before it’s a four way slugout from their knees. Donst’s Drunken Driver (Jay Driller) gets two on Justice as this just keeps going.

Smooth’s Call the Coroner chokebomb gets two on Lawlor so it’s time to throw in a bunch of chairs. Six of them are set up in a row but it’s Donst coming in and laying out Smooth. An STO plants Lawlor and a Drunken Driver through the chairs gets two more. The Rings of Saturn (Donst is billed as a mat wrestler and this is some of the first mat wrestling I’ve seen) go on and Justice’s chair shots can’t break it up. A third finally does it and Lawlor is up again, this time grabbing a choke on Smooth for the knockout win at 18:36.

Rating: D+. This was long and came at the end of a long night so it was kind of a chore to sit through. I have no idea why these people are fighting and that has been a problem all night long. Lawlor winning seems to be the smartest move as he’s the only one with any kind of a story. There were some good spots here but for the most part it just went on too long and had WAY too many kickouts.

Post match Lawlor thanks the company for giving him a chance about two years ago. The fans don’t really want to hear this and boo rather loudly. A year ago, he broke his arm in this company and rushed back but didn’t get a title shot. He got it tonight and showed AIW that he’s the best. Lawlor has a beer to end the night.

Overall Rating: D. I think the term “not for me” applies here as I wasn’t into almost any of this. It felt like an ECW knockoff (not all night, but for a lot of it) and that’s not something I was interested in with the ECW talent, let alone a place like this. It was FAR from the worst show I’ve ever seen but I had no idea what the stories were and since the announcers didn’t bother to tell me, you can only really go off of the product itself. That wasn’t very good either and the show felt very long. Not a disaster, but also certainly not worth as much as the WrestleCon Supershow or WXW. I likely won’t be back.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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