New Column: An Old School Reality Star Climbs A Ladder To Fight A Mutant Japanese Barbershop Quintet. And Kofi Kingston
Some might call this a mixed bag. Others might call it an overly long title that isn’t as funny as I was hoping.
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: June 1, 2015
We’re past Elimination Chamber (I won’t be doing a Reviewing the Review for that as I pretty much said everything I was going to say on the last podcast) and less than two weeks away from Money in the Bank, which means we already know most of the people in the ladder match because we have to get there as soon as possible. Tonight is the first part of the rushed build to the show so let’s get to it.
We open with the Authority (YAY!) to complain about Ambrose stealing the title last night but get Roman Reigns instead. A ladder match is set up for Money in the Bank with Rollins defending against Ambrose and Seth saying he doesn’t need the Authority. This would be the teenage rebellion years against Mommy and Daddy Helmsley. Stephanie went into full on evil Stephanie mode against Reigns but HHH called her off and said Reigns had to defend his Money in the Bank spot right now.
This wasn’t the worst opening segment as thankfully they kept it to the point and didn’t let Stephanie take Roman apart for a change. Ambrose vs. Rollins was set up in a hurry but you have to do that on the two week build. It’s not a bad way of getting things done but, as usual, Stephanie added nothing here.
Reigns successfully defended his spot against King Barrett because Barrett can take yet another loss right? Then he successfully defended it against Mark Henry because who cares about Henry? Then he successfully defended it against Bray Wyatt because his push is as up and down as Barrett’s. This was the old Chris Jericho Intercontinental Title marathon idea (also involving Stephanie actually) and it worked well enough. If they build up Reigns as someone who has to keep overcoming the odds, they might get people to care about him for a change.
Ryback didn’t have a match against Miz because Big Show returned and set up a title program. I can live with Big Show in this role FAR easier than in the main event, though I’m still not thrilled with seeing him. If he’s just there to put Ryback over though, everything should be fine for the most part. If Ryback can Shell Shock him, the place will come unglued. Well probably mostly glued together but there will be cracks.
Now we get the really good moment of the night as Kevin Owens came out and delivered an amazing victory speech about how he proved himself to be the better man last night as he pinned John Cena in the middle of the ring. Owens talked about his son being a John Cena fan and how last night, he defeated Super Cena in the middle of the ring because he’s a real man and role model who does everything he promises to do.
Cena came out and gave his Serious Cena speech about how Owens isn’t a real man because he got so obsessed with being a role model that he stopped acting like a man is supposed to. Cena talked about how he does things for kids, including one in the crowd wearing Cena gear and holding a sign saying “I’m beating cancer.” I’ve heard people saying this was faked or staged and it just makes me shake my head. Not everything is some concocted work people. Stop looking for things that aren’t there and enjoy a cool moment. Anyway John says he won’t give up and is ready for Money in the Bank. Outstanding.
New Day came out to talk about having Kofi winning Money in the Bank and retaining their Tag Team Titles, complete with sound effects. This led to Kofi losing to Dolph Ziggler and New Day losing a six man tag to Ziggler and the Prime Time Players, who would go on to become #1 contenders (in case that wasn’t COMPLETELY OBVIOUS ALREADY) a few days later on Smackdown.
Now we get to the stupid part of the show, as Nikki Bella successfully defended her Divas Title against Paige by seemingly turning heel yet again (assuming you considered her a full on face) by having her sister do Twin Magic with her. Yes, Brie Bella, who is mostly pale by comparison and lacking various surgical augmentations and with different color hair, is apparently still close enough to her sister’s looks that the referee couldn’t tell the difference between the two of them. I’ve heard that this was damage control from the whole “all black wrestlers look alike” backlash from Payback and that’s not the most out there theory in the world.
Sheamus beat up Orton with a chair for a DQ in a Money in the Bank preview match. I’m a fan of both guys but these two have some of the most horrible main event level chemistry I’ve seen in a long time. They can have good matches against almost anyone else but they just don’t work against each other.
Rusev said he was a broken man. My heart is the thing that’s breaking.
Neville beat Bo Dallas in a shortened version of their Elimination Chamber match.
Ambrose came out to save Reigns to end the show after the Wyatt match.
Other than Cena and Owens, this show was pretty uneventful. It’s part of the problem of setting up your major matches in the first ten minutes: after that, what else is there to do for the rest of the night? Well other than have non-twins act like twins all over again because referees are that stupid. This show was much more dull than last week, but I’ll take dull over rage inducing any day. I’m looking forward to the night after Money in the Bank so we can FINALLY get to a normal schedule again because this is starting to get old.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA
And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:
Monday Night Raw – June 1, 2015: Stop And Think For A Second
Monday Night Raw
Date: June 1, 2015
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Booker T.
We had some interesting developments last night at Elimination Chamber with Kevin Owens pinning John Cena completely clean in the middle of the ring and Dean Ambrose winning the match by DQ but leaving with Seth Rollins’ World Title anyway. There are now two weeks left before Money in the Bank, and we already know six of the competitors in the ladder match. Let’s get to it.
The opening recap only focuses on the World Title match.
Here’s the full Authority to open things up. Stephanie asks the fans how they should punish Dean Ambrose for what he did last night. Maybe it should be a fine or a suspension, but maybe they should just get rid of him altogether. HHH calls Ambrose out to the ring but gets Roman Reigns instead. Roman says Dean isn’t here tonight and he might not be back again unless he gets one more match against Rollins. He wants one more match for the title and he wants it to be a ladder match.
Reigns lists off all the people that have beaten Rollins and says he might be the worst WWE Champion of all time. That’s too far for Seth and the rematch is on for Monday in the Bank. He’ll do it all by himself too because he doesn’t need the Authority. Rollins storms off and Stephanie goes beast mode on Reigns (hide your balls!) until HHH calls her off. HHH brings up Reigns being in the Money in the Bank ladder match and says Roman has to earn his spot in the match right now.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: King Barrett vs. Roman Reigns
They want to take the spot away from Reigns and this is the best they can do? Wait, wouldn’t the Authority have selected the people in the match in the first place? Reigns is already in the match but the spot is on the line. Barrett tries a rollup to start but Roman takes him down with a headlock. The King escapes a Samoan drop and throws Reigns to the apron, only to get kicked in the chest a few times. Back in and a clothesline puts Barrett on the floor but Barrett jumps over the steps and whips Reigns into them as we take a break.
We come back with Barrett holding a chinlock before he avoids a charge in the corner and kicks Reigns in the ribs. Barrett cranks on both arms with a knee in Roman’s back before switching back to the regular chinlock. Roman fights up again and Reigns nails a Samoan drop before winning a slugout. Against a former bare knuckle fighter of course. Winds of Change gets two for the King but the Bull Hammer is countered into a rollup into a sitout powerbomb for two. The second attempt at a Bull Hammer misses and Reigns nails the spear for the pin at 14:10.
Rating: C. Well at least it wasn’t Big Show. This is another example of having a match with a stipulation that is there for no reason other than to fill in time before the obvious ending. I’m not a fan of this kind of TV show more often than not (and yes there are exceptions) and seeing Barrett lose didn’t help things. The match wasn’t bad though as Barrett can wrestle a good one, even though there’s no reason to believe his push is going to last.
Post break Roman Reigns runs into the Authority and is told he has to win another qualifying match against Mark Henry. So it’s the Chris Jericho Intercontinental Title story from 2000, also involving Stephanie.
Nikki Bella is honored to be the longest reigning champion in WWE today when Paige comes in and asks for a one on one match for some point in the future. Nikki says let’s do it tonight and Paige is game.
Here’s the new Intercontinental Champion Ryback with something to say. No one likes an emotional Big Guy, (I did. The speech he gave about his injury was the best stuff he’s ever done) but he’s honored to be the new Intercontinental Champion. That’s enough talking though so it’s time for his first title defense.
Intercontinental Title: Ryback vs. Miz
We even get big match intros. The bell is about to ring…..and Big Show is back. Well at least it’s in the midcard. He KO’s Miz and says if anyone is beating Ryback for that title, it’s going to be him. Ryback calls himself the Big Guy but he has nothing on the Big Show.
Here’s Kevin Owens for his victory speech. An interesting note here: Owens has complained about Cena having so many shirts and is now in his third different shirt in three appearances on the main roster. That’s a very nice touch. Owens brags about doing everything he ever says he’s going to do, whether it’s winning the NXT Title, taking out Sami Zayn, or beating John Cena in the middle of the ring.
Last night he talked to his wife who was proud of him but his son is still a big John Cena fan. Cena is portrayed as a living superhero and while Owens was traveling the world for ten years, Cena became the hero to his son that Owens should have been. He became Super Cena. Well last night, he beat Super Cena and now the words hustle, loyalty and respect are being uttered by a shell of a man. Owens is going to beat him again in two weeks and he’s going to make sure that his son watches every minute of it. A real role model is the kind of person who promises something and then delivers, just like he does.
Cue Cena for the big showdown. Cena gets right to the point: he got beat last night. Until Owens ran his mouth, Cena was about to come down here and hand Owens the US Title because he earned it last night. But now, Owens doesn’t deserve either the US or NXT Title. Owens is so worried about being a role model that he doesn’t even realize he’s not a real man.
According to Owens, his son is a Cena fan because of the WWE machine. If that’s the case, Owens’ son would be wearing a Funkasaurus shirt and want to grow up to play in the XFL. We hit Serious Cena mode as he talks about how the fans believe in him because he’s for real, including the kid in the crowd holding up a sign saying “I’m beating cancer” and wearing a John Cena t-shirt. Cena: “You keep fighting man. And that’s from me.”
The three words that define Owens shouldn’t be Fight Owens Fight, but Never Give Up. Cena wants to give Owens a bit of advice from a man to a non-man. In two weeks, Owens is going to have to explain why a really good wrestler got beaten up by a man. Owens teases a fight but walks away. That’s one of the best promos I’ve seen in years. Go find this and watch it in full.
New Day comes out to brag about their win. Xavier Woods says this city now has champions they should be proud of, because the Spurs are old and Tim Duncan needs to retire. The New Day is on fire and in two weeks, Kofi is going to become Mr. Money in the Bank. CHA-CHING! Kofi: “That’s a cash register!” Big E. says it would mean they’re all Mr. Money in the Bank because NEW DAY ROCKS!
Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler
No exaggeration: these two have fought close to thirty times on TV alone. Lana is out with Dolph and that’s exactly who the fans want. They grapple to start until Kofi does his double leapfrog and stops Dolph with a kick to the face. We hit the chinlock on Dolph but he fights up and hits a quick neckbreaker. Dolph misses the superkick but grabs the running DDT for two, followed by a quick rollup for the pin on Kofi at 3:16.
Rating: C. What can I say? These two have fought each other such a ridiculous amount of times (I can’t imagine any pairing has fought more times, and yes that includes Cena vs. Edge) that there’s almost nothing left for them to do out there. They kept this short enough though and it was fine enough to help build to the ladder match.
New Day comes in but the Prime Time Players make the save.
Prime Time Players/Dolph Ziggler vs. New Day
Joined in progress after a break with Young hitting a seated senton on Kofi but getting tripped by Woods, allowing Big E. to hit a belly to belly. Off to Kofi who is sent into the corner for a seated dropkick before it’s off to the chinlock. The actual trio triple teams Darren and Big E. knocks Dolph off the apron for good measure.
E. takes too long running the ropes though and splashes Young’s knees, setting up the hot tag to Titus. A powerslam gets two on Woods with Big E. making the save as everything breaks down. Titus boots Woods in the face and Dolph adds a superkick to Kofi, setting up a pumphandle powerslam to pin Woods at 5:36.
Rating: C+. Just a six man here to set up the Players as the next challengers and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’ve covered Tyson/Cesaro as the challengers so it’s time to advance on to someone else, as the tag division….well there actually is one at the moment. This did what it was supposed to and that’s all you can ask it to do.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Mark Henry vs. Roman Reigns
Wasn’t Henry a face last night? These turns are getting slower. Again, Reigns is already in but has to defend his spot here. Roman pounds away to start but Henry takes him over to the ropes for some choking. Reigns seems to be having issues with his left eye after Henry gave him a big right hand. That’s fine with Roman as he comes back with some clotheslines in the corner and a shoulder to put Henry down. A Samoan drop sends Mark outside and Roman nails a Superman Punch for good measure, giving him the countout win at 3:46.
Rating: D+. Power brawl here with Reigns’ story being very clear tonight. Henry is one of those guys that is only there for one purpose and it doesn’t mean he’s the most interesting guy in the world to watch. At least they aren’t hiding the fact that Reigns isn’t done tonight and that’s a fine story.
Post match Henry gives him the World’s Strongest Slam and a big splash.
After a break, Reigns, Authority, Bray Wyatt is next.
Various wrestlers audition to be the face of Sonic Shakes. Hilarity ensues.
Divas Title: Paige vs. Nikki Bella
Nikki is defending and they cut away during her entrance because WWE doesn’t get why she’s out there. Paige gets shoved into the ropes to start and Nikki does some jumping jacks. Off to some pushups before Nikki drives Paige into the corner. Nikki cranks on both arms before hooking a leg lock of all things.
Paige gets to the ropes and kicks Nikki to the floor, allowing her to do some situps. The PTO is countered and Nikki gets two off the Alabama Slam. The Rack Attack is countered and Nikki goes to the middle rope, only to get pulled down with a Rampaige. Nikki rolls outside and they actually bust out Twin Magic with Brie coming out from under the ring for a small package to retain at 5:48 because WWE referees are stupid.
Rating: C-. Well they turned face with no explanation so why not turn heel again with no explanation? I love how they did a whole Total Divas episode about how they don’t look the same and now the Bella with lighter skin, less plastic enhancement and difference hair is still a dead ringer for her sister. Only in WWE because the script says so. Nikki doing exercises isn’t a bad gimmick though.
Sheamus vs. Randy Orton
So yeah Orton is back after not being mentioned for two weeks. Orton grabs a headlock to start and rolls Sheamus up for two, sending the pale one out to the floor. Back in and they slug it out before both guys go outside with Orton dropping him back first on the announcers’ table.
We take a break and come back with Sheamus in control and dropping a middle rope knee for two. A chinlock doesn’t get him very far though as Orton belly to backs him down to escape. The ten forearms are countered and Orton nails the powerslam, followed by the elevated DDT. An RKO attempt is countered and Sheamus knees him out to the floor. Orton throws him into the timekeeper’s area but Sheamus nails him with a chair for the DQ at 12:16.
Rating: D+. Gah I hate these matches where they just pair up people who are in a big match down the line. It’s the same stuff that got annoying last week with the Elimination Chamber people and it doesn’t help that Sheamus and Orton do not have good matches together. They’re not horrible but I’ve never seen these two do anything interesting.
Sheamus Brogue Kicks Orton and throws him over the announcers’ table post match.
Rusev says he is a broken man with a broken spirit but he’ll get it all back. Yo Rusev! Get in here so we can keep ruining you because we want monsters to be three dimensional characters or some garbage like that!
Kevin Owens will have an NXT Open Challenge this Thursday on Smackdown.
Here’s Bo Dallas to say he tried to help Neville but now he just wants to hurt him.
Bo Dallas vs. Neville
Rematch from last night where Neville won. Bo hammers him in the corner to start and throws him out to the floor. Back in and we hit the cravate with Bo yelling at Neville and then quieting down to call some spots. Neville fights up with some forearms, a kick to the head and the Red Arrow for the pin at 3:09.
Rating: C-. Yeah whatever man. Just get on to the next match so we can finally end this show. This was a shortened version of the match we saw last night and Dallas is ready to move on to something else. At least it wasn’t Neville against someone in the ladder match to freshen things up a bit.
Tough Enough videos.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt
For the third time, Reigns is already in. Roman slugs away to start but Bray runs him down and slows the pace. The Authority comes out to watch as Bray stops a comeback with the running cross body. Roman bails for a minute but Bray takes his head off with a clothesline as we take a break. Back with Bray still in control until Reigns explodes out of the corner with a clothesline.
After a quick trip to the floor with Reigns sending him into the barricade, Bray comes back with a big clothesline of his own for two. They trade slaps until the Samoan drop puts Bray down. The Superman Punch connects and here come Kane and the Stooges. Kane gets up on the apron but the distraction into Sister Abigail doesn’t work as Bray is sent into Kane, setting up the spear for the pin at 13:14.
Rating: C. Nice power brawl again but did they really need to have Bray take the loss here? I hate to say it, but this was the perfect spot for Kane. Wyatt won at Payback, then lost to Ambrose last week and now to Reigns here and for what? To advance a main event feud when the Authority has minions? As usual, this company refuses to think anything through.
Post match the Authority surrounds the ring but Ambrose comes out (to a MONSTER pop). He actually gives Rollins the title back, only to hit him with Dirty Deeds before leaving with Reigns to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. The show was far better than last week but this was one of those episodes where the show felt like it was going on for nine hours. It just kept going and going and you could see they had nothing to go on so they were just throwing stuff out there. This is a show that would have been really entertaining if you cut out an hour. Stuff like Ziggler vs. Kofi, the Divas Title (with that STUPID ending), Neville vs. Dallas and maybe even Orton vs. Sheamus could have easily been cut to get us down to a much shorter and better paced show, but such are the perils of three hours every Monday. Not horrible, but insufferable.
Results
Roman Reigns b. King Barrett – Spear
Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Rollup
Dolph Ziggler/Prime Time Players b. New Day – Pumphandle powerslam to Woods
Roman b. Mark Henry via countout
Nikki Bella b. Paige – Brie Bella switched with Nikki and pinned Paige with a small package
Randy Orton b. Sheamus via DQ – Sheamus hit Orton with a chair
Neville b. Bo Dallas – Red Arrow
Roman Reigns b. Bray Wyatt – Spear
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA
And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:
Monday Night Raw – May 18, 2015: Must Go Faster, Must Go Faster
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 18, 2015
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Booker T., John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole
Payback is done and that means we have less than two weeks to go before Elimination Chamber and less than four weeks to go before Money in the Bank. Rollins retained the World Title last night with help from Kane and the Stooges, meaning Kane keeps his job. Now it’s time to find out who is next for the champ so let’s get to it.
We open with the stills from last night’s main event.
Here’s the Authority to open things up. Stephanie says she knows we all missed her and the sweet sound of her voice, but don’t worry because she’s back. HHH hates to be the one that told you so, but he told you so. Rollins is still World Champion because he got the job done over all of his challengers. Therefore tonight, we’re going to be paying tribute to Rollins in something called Seth Rollins: Architect of a Dream, which will include comments from all three men that Rollins defeated last night.
This brings us to tonight, and something hidden behind them. HHH unveils the Intercontinental Title, which will be decided for the first time ever inside the Elimination Chamber. After a quick package on the Chamber, here’s Sheamus to interrupt. Why are we having this Chamber match, when this happened? We see a clip of Sheamus destroying Bryan a few weeks back and possibly putting him out of action.
Sheamus wants the title right now, but here’s Ryback to interrupt. Ryback defends Bryan by saying he’s more of a man than Sheamus will ever be by fighting to become the Intercontinental Champion. If Sheamus likes picking on little guys so much, why not try picking on the Big Guy? Stephanie says they’re both in the Chamber but they’re going to fight each other right now.
Sheamus vs. Ryback
Ryback, with bad ribs coming in, bangs on his chest to start and takes Sheamus down with a Thesz press. A powerslam gets two on Sheamus and they head outside with Ryback and the bad ribs being knocked into the barricade as we take a break. Back with the two of them slugging it out from their knees as Cole thinks Ryback insulting Stephanie told him that Ryback had bad ribs. You know, instead of the tape. Sheamus kicks him in the ribs and hits five of the ten forearms until Ryback pulls him over the ropes.
A powerbomb puts Sheamus down but Ryback can’t cover. Ryback gets two off a spinebuster but Sheamus wants to take it outside. That’s fine with Ryback as he gorilla presses him onto the table for a big bounce. After sending him into the post, Ryback takes him into the corner where Sheamus claims something in his eye. The referee breaks it up and Sheamus nails a Brogue Kick for the pin at 10:06.
Rating: C+. This was about what I was expecting as they’re both the kind of big power brawlers who can pull off this kind of a match very well. Much like last night, WWE is nailing the idea of keeping the losers strong as the referee shoving Ryback away set up the Brogue instead of anything Sheamus did on his own. That’s a nice touch and helps a lot.
Stephanie puts Kane in charge of the celebration tonight. Rollins and the Stooges come in with champagne and give Kane a glass for finally having something to celebrate. This brings in Dean Ambrose to say he’s willing to give Seth a rematch for the title at Elimination Chamber. The Authority says no and leaves with Kane saying the champion gets to decide his own fate. Dean mocks Kane for being their lapdog and asks what Paul Bearer or Undertaker would think of Kane now. That earns him a match against Bray Wyatt tonight and a glass of champagne. Dean: “You shouldn’t drink on the clock.”
Renee Young brings out Neville for a chat. She asks about Neville having to face so much adversity, which Neville says makes him feel ten feet tall. He was the longest reigning NXT Champion of all time……and here’s Bo Dallas to interrupt. Dallas says this is like a fairy tale but in Neville’s case, it’s going to be the little engine that couldn’t. Neville brings up beating Dallas to start his NXT title reign and the fight is on with Dallas going after Neville’s tweaked knee. Neville knocks him to the floor but it’s time for his match.
Neville vs. King Barrett
Dallas is on commentary and says that going after Neville’s knee was a good thing, as it will make a victory mean all the more. Neville fights out of the corner as Booker and Dallas have a battle of wits on commentary. The King starts going after the knee as we take a break. Back with a chop block getting two for Barrett but he misses a running big boot in the corner. Neville hurts his knee on a kick to the ribs and can’t hit the German suplex. The knee buckles one more time and it’s the Bull Hammer for the pin at 7:35. Cole makes sure to remind us of the pre-match attack to keep Neville looking strong.
Rating: C-. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere but it gives Neville his next feud and Dallas his first feud in the better part of ever. Taking away Neville’s ability to fly is an interesting idea as well as it’s going to make him have to show what he can do otherwise. Good storyline development in a not great match.
Post match Dallas comes in and goes after the knee again by wrapping it around the post.
Titus O’Neil has been named Celebrity Father of the Year.
Here’s Rusev for his explanation of last night but with no Lana in sight. Rusev says there is no Lana here and that he didn’t say he quit when he was ranting in Bulgarian last night. Therefore, he wants to restart the match against Cena right now. Instead he gets a leggy blonde who he told to not come out here again. Rusev isn’t just the Bulgarian brute because he’s misunderstood.
She believes in him and has believed in him every step of the way. The accent is starting to break as she speaks. Rusev calls her pathetic but she tells him enough because she just wants what’s best for the two of them. Lana couldn’t watch him in all this pain but Rusev says he doesn’t need her so get out. Lana walks away as Rusev screams at her even more.
Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt
Bray puts him down to start but misses a backsplash, allowing Dean to tie up the legs and rip at Bray’s face. Back up and Bray hits a big clothesline followed by a kick to the back and a kick to the chest. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds before Bray knocks him into the ropes. Instead of pulling him back in, Bray slides outside and pulls him from the ropes and into a suplex. Think Orton’s DDT but a suplex to the floor instead.
Back from a break with Bray kicking Ambrose down before they both head outside for a double clothesline. The fans want tables because a good wrestling match isn’t enough for them. Dean fights back with his punches and chops before tying Bray in the ropes for the running dropkick. Bray is hung over the ropes for a middle rope Fameasser for two. A low bridge sends Wyatt to the floor but he partially blocks the suicide dive.
Back in and both finishers are countered before Bray nails Dean to block the rebound lariat. Now the rebound lariat connects and Dean loads up a superplex. Bray shoves him off but the middle rope backsplash only hits mat. Dean goes up but here are the Stooges to interfere with Noble shoving Dean into Sister Abigail for the pin at 13:30.
Rating: B-. Fun brawl here which is exactly what it needed to be. Bray is starting to get his feet back under him after the waste of a loss against Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Ambrose is likely getting the title shot at Elimination Chamber, which may be repetitive but at least it’s not the Kane vs. Rollins showdown that 18 people might want to see.
Tough Enough videos. We have over a month of these things to go?
Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd
Woods is banned from ringside so it’s Kofi/Big E. here. Before the match, New Day thinks it’s unfair that they have to defend their titles against FIVE other teams inside the Elimination Chamber. Even the simple illiterate people here can understand why this is unfair. Cesaro and E. start with Cesaro being dropped out of a gorilla press, Ultimate Warrior style. That’s fine with Cesaro as he hits a delayed vertical suplex to put New Day on the floor, setting up Kidd for a hurricanrana off the apron as we take a break.
Back with Cesaro uppercutting Big E. but getting taken down in a belly to belly. Kidd comes in off the hot tag to clean house as Cole announces R-Truth, Rusev and King Barrett for the Intercontinental Title Chamber match. Kidd puts Kofi in the Sharpshooter but E. makes the save. Cesaro comes in to slug it out with E. and the match is thrown out at 5:54. Not enough of the match was shown but it was just a way to extend the feud.
Woods comes out to keep up the brawl post match but here are the Lucha Dragons, Los Matadores, Ascension and the Prime Time Players to give us our six teams. The Dragons dive on everyone not named Woods (or Sin Cara/Kalisto) and the Players beat up Woods. Cole confirms that these are the six teams for the Chamber in case it’s not clear.
It’s Open Challenge time. Cena says last night’s win can be summed up in three letters: USA. He has the honor to carry the red, white and blue into battle every night. Men like the soldiers in the crowd are the reason that make this title mean more than anything else in this company. Everyone has a shot at this title and this is our championship. It’s time to give someone a shot,
US Title: John Cena vs. Kevin Owens
Oh my. Oh my indeed. Owens is the defending NXT Champion and brings the belt with him. He congratulates Cena on his win last night before saying there’s no need for an introduction. If you don’t know who he is, then Owens just doesn’t have time for you. Owens is here to give Cena some peace of mind.
Cena may think that he injured Sami Zayn, but Owens was the one that injured him a long time ago. This Wednesday at Takeover: Unstoppable, Owens is going to finish what he started with Sami months ago. Cena isn’t cool with Owens saying the people don’t matter because there’s no WWE without them. He has some veteran advice for Owens, but Kevin says he’s been doing this longer than Cena. The difference is that he just didn’t get a break until now, so Cena doesn’t get to give him advice.
Cena warns him instead. Sami Zayn blew out his shoulder and said give me everything you got. Owens doesn’t have that fire in his eyes and he’s in way over his head right now. Cena is ready to go but Owens says he already has a prize in the NXT Title. Therefore, no match tonight but they’ll fight one day on Owens’ terms. Kevin kicks Cena in the ribs and nails the Pop Up Powerbomb before picking up both titles, only to throw the US Title down and stomp on it. Good grief how amazing do the next five or so years sound in WWE?
We look back at Bryan vacating the title last week.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust
Uh…sure. Ziggler gets taken down to start so Stardust can stomp on the ribs before hitting a hard clothesline to go after the bad eye (busted open last night). Back up and a Zig Zag gives Dolph the pin at 1:28.
Post match Ziggler says his eye hurts but the loss hurts more. It’s hockey time though and chicks dig scars so here you go. Cole tells him that he’s the last entrant in the Elimination Chamber. So other than Rusev and Ryback, everyone else is a standard Intercontinental Title level guy. Great way to elevate the title.
Ziggler says he’ll go through anyone to get the title and here’s a very smiling Lana to kiss Dolph. He doesn’t seem to mind so she does it again for a big smile. Cue a livid Rusev to beat Ziggler down and stare at Lana. She slaps Rusev in the face and draws a huge LANA chant, followed by the Zig Zag from Dolph. Well so much for Lana meaning anything.
Kane glares at Adam Rose and Rosa for kissing in the back.
Luke Harper/Erick Rowan vs. Fandango/Zack Ryder
Harper headlocks Fandango to start but walks into a dropkick. They head outside with Harper kicking him in the face before handing it off to Rowan for a splash. The fans want Ryder but get a tornado DDT from Fandango to Harper, setting up the hot tag to Ryder. Zack starts to clean house but walks into a spinning Boss Man Slam, setting up the hot tag to Rowan. Luke superkicks Ryder right into a full nelson slam for the pin at 3:25.
Rating: D+. Just a way to establish that Harper and Rowan are back together to destroy people. I’m not sure why they’re not in the Chamber over, say, Los Matadores, but at least there’s a team around to destroy everyone. Nice squash here and at least they kept it short instead of keeping up the false hope.
Stephanie cuts the Bellas off in the back and does her condescending talk to Brie about her emotions over Bryan. She’s scheduled some counseling sessions for Brie over her issues, and therefore Brie isn’t allowed at ringside with Nikki.
Divas Title: Naomi vs. Nikki Bella
Naomi is challenging after pinning Nikki last night. After some big match intros, Nikki pulls her in from the apron and nails a big clothesline to send Naomi out to the floor. A suicide dive takes out Naomi and Tamina as we take a break. Back with Naomi putting on a chinlock as trainers are checking on an injured Tamina. Nikki comes back with a forearm and dropkicks, followed by a backdrop. There’s the Rack Attack but Tamina comes in with a superkick for the DQ at 6:29. Again not enough seen to rate but this wasn’t much to see.
Post match Paige comes in for the save but lays out Nikki with the Rampaige because she wants the title.
We look back at Owens laying Cena out earlier.
HHH shakes Owens’ hand. Renee comes up and asks what that was all about. Owens says the Authority liked what he did so much that they’re giving him a match against Cena at Elimination Chamber.
The cast of the Entourage movie will be here next week.
It’s time for The Architect of a Dream celebration with the Authority and Kane hosting. Stephanie introduces Rollins, flanked by the Stooges. HHH praises the champ and says everyone is going to get to praise him individually. It’s Kane up first for his usual mention of Rollins being short but he’s proud of Rollins for still being champion because Seth is best for business. Rollins: “That’s all you have to say?” Kane begrudgingly thanks Rollins for saving his job and has a video ready for Seth.
After a nice video on Seth’s days with the Authority, Noble says there’s a saying in West Virginia: cream rises to the top. It’s been an honor to protect Rollins and the most important title in WWE. Mercury is about to speak when Dean Ambrose comes out to interrupt.
Stephanie goes into her evil voice but Dean says he was busy looking for the perfect Justin Bieber outfit for Rollins. He’s here to give Seth one more chance for a match with him, as long as the title is on the line. Seth says Dean needs to go to the back of the line with Roman Reigns and Randy Orton, but Ambrose calls himself a notorious line jumper. Stephanie tells Rollins to get him so there goes the jacket and the brawl is on.
The Stooges immediately intervene but Dean cleans house. They fight to the floor with Seth being backdropped onto the announcers’ table and Dean unveiling a batch of cinder blocks. He loads up a Conchairto on the blocks but Stephanie says let Seth go and he’ll get a title match.
Dean doesn’t answer but the Stooges take the chair away from him. Ambrose easily fights them off and dives onto the Stooges and Kane before heading inside to go after Rollins. HHH saves the champ and Kane gets in a kick to Dean’s face. The chokeslam is countered but Rollins saves Kane from Dirty Deeds. A Pedigree leaves Dean laying to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. I had a good time with this show as they’re hitting the ground running to get to Elimination Chamber. Owens stole the show though as he had one of the best main roster debuts I can remember in a good while. I’m not wild on having the next pay per view so soon, but at least they’re getting us through the rushed build as fast as they can. Good show this week as they’re moving things forward for a change.
Results
Sheamus b. Ryback – Brogue Kick
King Barrett b. Neville – Bullhammer
Bray Wyatt b. Dean Ambrose – Sister Abigail
New Day vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd went to a double DQ when all four fought in the ring
Dolph Ziggler b. Stardust – Zig Zag
Luke Harper/Erick Rowan b. Fandango/Zack Ryder – Full nelson slam to Ryder
Nikki Bella b. Naomi via DQ when Tamina interfered
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA
And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:
KB Goes To A House Show – May 10, 2015
I haven’t actually been to a live show since the Raw after Wrestlemania XXX so this had a pretty high mark to live up to. The ticket was under though and I had to drive about ten minutes instead of twelve hours so I didn’t have to invest much to get there.
I got there at about 6:30 for a 7:00 bell and the place was empty. To be fair, Rupp Arena is one of the biggest arenas in the country and it was Mother’s Day evening. The place did fill up a bit and the majority of the lower bowl was full, but there were wide gaps of empty seats. They lowered the lights for most of the arena but it still looked decent enough. The calendar probably did quite a bit of damage here but it wasn’t the only reason to blame for the low attendance. There were a ton of kids though and far more than adults.
The poll for the fan vote was should Lana be allowed at ringside for the main event. Not for a street fight or falls count anywhere, but should the hot blonde be allowed to stick around. I never saw the poll go lower than 70-30 to keep her around.
Rusev and Lana came on the screen to cut a quick promo about winning the title back. Lexington wasn’t mentioned so I’d assume this was the same video that airs everywhere.
HHH came on just after the lights went down to welcome us to the show, again with no city mentioned. This was the good version of HHH so we got an ARE YOU READY to get us going.
First up was Neville beating Barrett with the Red Arrow. This was a great choice to open the show with Barrett in the role he was born to play. Before the match he told everyone to kneel in front of the king and Tony Chimmel and the referee followed the king’s orders. Neville answered an open challenge and had one of the best matches of the night. What I like most about Neville is that he wrestles like a guy eight inches taller and 50lbs heavier than he actually is. Instead of a guy who wrestles like a small wrestler, he’s a wrestler who happens to be small.
The interesting thing here was that Neville wrestles like a superhero, kind of in the vein of the original Sin Cara, minus the botches. He comes off like someone willing to fight against anyone above him, which makes for a much more interesting character than just another cruiserweight.
Finally, Barrett said he has injured Daniel Bryan so severely that Bryan is retired. Why is it so complicated to have a wrestler injure another and then brag about causing the injury? It’s such an evil move to do but for some reason it’s taken weeks to get there. Use it to turn Barrett into an even bigger villain instead of hiding behind reality.
Damien Sandow beat Heath Slater in a short comedy match. I really don’t think you need much more of an explanation here, but Sandow has lost a lot of steam since that Miz feud ended.
Nikki Bella successfully defended the Divas Title against Naomi. This was the old Naomi in the bright green, though she was still the villain. Nikki got a big reaction from the fans, which makes sense given that she’s basically the new Kelly Kelly, if Kelly ever had a horrible feud with her sister. Naomi hit the Rear View but spent too much time dancing to cover. Later on she tried to bring in the title but had to deal with Brie, allowing Nikki to hit the Rack Attack for the pin. Nikki has the potential to be a pretty solid face champion, but the stuff before this really dragged her down.
In another lame match, Fandango beat Adam Rose with a small package. I really don’t know what else there is to say here.
We then had a Connor the Crusher video and a special Mother’s Day message from Mr. T. These received a very nice ovation and amused applause respectfully.
Next was one of the most disappointing matches of the night with Dean Ambrose defeating Luke Harper. Ambrose was fine, but Harper looked way off for some reason. He kept showing off his biceps, which isn’t exactly what you imagine coming from him. Maybe he’s trying something new, but this really didn’t need to be anything but their usual solid formula.
Intermission, meaning nachos and a water……which costs the same as a soda so it was a Sierra Mist. Seriously, charging $3.50 for a cup of water is ridiculous.
Back from the break and we had one of the most interesting matches of the night. Erick Rowan defeated Bo Dallas in something resembling a comedy match (Bo put the mask on and then Erick ran a lap around the ring like Dallas), but the interesting thing was Rowan playing the good guy after he turned heel on Smackdown. Translation: WWE doesn’t watch Smackdown either. The match was nothing special, as you would likely expect.
At this point, the show was starting to drag. After nearly two hours of some so-so matches and little worth remembering, I was feeling a bit drained. But then, something happened. I began to feel something. Oh yes, I began to feel the POWAH! The POWAH of the New Day was so strong that it knocked the fans out of rhythm on the NEW DAY SUCKS chants. Before the match, New Day talked about being similar to the Kentucky Wildcats basketball team: big, strong and athletic, but they can actually win a title and will be around for more than one year. They also sang us an original composition called We Are The Champions.
The title defense was a four way elimination match with New Day (Woods/Kofi) defending against Ascension, the Prime Time Players and Tyson Kidd/Cesaro. Kidd/Cesaro got a solid reaction but Titus was very over as well. The match was the best of the night by far with everyone getting a chance to show off. There was even an innovative spot with Woods trying a sunset flip on Viktor but not being able to get him over. With the two of them distracted, Kidd picked up Woods’ legs and catapulted him into a low blow on Viktor.
Eventually everything broke down with Cesaro and Kidd cleaning house, until Woods made a blind tag as Kidd dropped the elbow off Cesaro’s shoulders. Woods snuck in and stole the pin on Viktor to retain because the New Day is great at being sneaky. Post match Kidd and Cesaro cleaned house with the Cesaro Swing into the dropkick. Big E. eventually put Woods/Kingston on his shoulders and carried them out in a great visual. This was the match of the night by far.
The main event was Cena successfully defending the US Title over Rusev. If you’ve seen one of these matches, you’ve seen them all.
As I was walking to the car, I stopped by the parking lot and saw Neville/Bo Dallas, the Prime Time Players, Slater/Ascension and maybe Big E. leaving. Neville was the only one to wave and acknowledge the fans waiting, but to be fair he’s the only heel there.
Overall it wasn’t the best show, but for $18 I easily got my money’s worth. It didn’t help that the roster was split and the endings were mostly obvious, but still, good enough for a Mother’s Day house show.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UYAMB8U
And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:
Extreme Rules 2015: Extremely…..Something
Extreme Rules 2015
Date: April 26, 2015
Location: Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield
It’s time for the night of Wrestlemania rematches, which often makes for a very entertaining card. The main event will see Seth Rollins defending the World Title against Randy Orton inside a cage with the RKO banned and Kane guarding the door. We also have Roman Reigns vs. Big Show in a last man standing match and Rusev vs. Cena III in a Russian chain match. Let’s get to it.
Here’s Bad News Barrett on the pre-show to tell us that Daniel Bryan isn’t here tonight to defend the Intercontinental Title. Since Bryan can’t be here, let’s bring out Neville for a replacement so he can take the Bullhammer destined to go upside Bryan’s head.
Bad News Barrett vs. Neville
The fans are entirely behind Neville as Barrett grabs a headlock to start. Neville takes him to the mat and hooks a nice rollup for two before the front flips have Barrett even more confused. A dropkick sends him to the floor but Barrett trips Neville up to take over. Back from a break with Barrett holding a chinlock before throwing Neville into the air for a kick to the ribs and two. A big boot to the face gets the same on Neville and Barrett follows up with a nice slingshot backbreaker.
The second chinlock doesn’t last as long, allowing Neville to fire off some kicks to the ribs to send Barrett outside, setting up the big spinning dive from Neville. Back in and Barrett catches him going up before planting Neville with Winds of Change for two. Wasteland gets a VERY close two but the Bullhammer misses, allowing Neville to hit an enziguri. The Red Arrow is broken up but Barrett misses another Bullhammer. A second kick to the head sets up the Red Arrow from (Cole: “Adrian”) Neville for the pin at 10:40.
Rating: C+. Well that’s a surprise. Neville getting the win is a big deal as it’s his biggest pin ever, even if everyone and their mother pin Barrett. In theory this sets up a feud between the two of them over who gets the title shot whenever Bryan comes back, if he does at all.
The opening video talks about how this is the most extreme night of the year and focuses on Rusev vs. Cena and Rollins vs. Orton. Again, it makes sense to add gimmicks so it’s not just the same show as last month without the big stage.
Luke Harper vs. Dean Ambrose
Street fight, meaning the fall must take place in the ring. Dean takes over to start and knocks Harper to the floor for a suicide dive. Back in and we get the kendo sticks to Harper’s back, followed by a chair being thrown inside. Dean sits down and licks his lips until Harper comes back and suplexes him through the chair. Luke starts going after the knee with the kendo stick before wedging a chair in the corner.
In a unique spot, Harper LAUNCHES Dean face first into the chair for two as the fans stay behind Ambrose. Back up and a tornado DDT gives Dean a breather as the fans want tables. Luke counters Dirty Deeds and the rebound clothesline before they head back to the floor. Dean’s suicide dive is countered with a shove, so Dean does a kind of 619 and comes back with a clothesline in a cool spot.
They fight to the back with Luke being rammed into various things. Luke goes behind a wall and the camera has to run around to find him. THANK YOU! I can’t remember the last time that happened but it drives me absolutely insane when there’s a camera waiting on them. Harper and Dean get inside a car…….and drive away with the referee in the back. So I’m guessing the match is still going and continues later in the night?
HHH tells Kane to find that car before those two hurt someone. Rollins comes in and tells them to calm down because this is a big night. Kane goes off on Rollins and calls him a punk, but HHH wants things calm head into the main event. Kane better not screw up though. The fans could be heard calling this boring and I can’t say I disagree. Don’t put this stuff on the pay per view. We know the story is boring by now so don’t make it even worse.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus
The winner has to kiss the winner’s….uh yeah. Sheamus shoves him away to start but Ziggler comes back with forearms to the face. A dropkick staggers the big man and they fight to the floor. Ziggler is thrown at the steps but jumps on top of them for the slingshot DDT to stun Sheamus even more. Back in and Sheamus hits something like a Brogue Knee to take over. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Dolph fights up with another dropkick, only to get caught in a sitout powerbomb for two more.
Sheamus starts talking trash and follows it up with another devastating, yes DEVASTATING I say, chinlock. It’s not devastating enough to prevent Ziggler from fighting up with right hands and a splash in the corner. The neckbreaker is countered and Sheamus nails a running ax handle, only to walk into a superkick for two. Sheamus plants him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker as they’re trading big shots here. The Brogue Kick misses and Ziggler rolls him up for two before a rolling cradle is enough to pin Sheamus at 9:25.
Rating: C+. This was just a TV match with a quick ending but the two worked pretty well together. The idea here was to have Ziggler bounce off Sheamus and make all the power moves look good, which he excels at. Solid enough match here, even if the gimmick was really stupid.
Post match Sheamus takes nearly five minutes to do what he’s supposed to do but of course he hits Ziggler low and gives him a Brogue Kick before making Ziggler kiss up to him like a heel should.
Long video on what’s coming on the Network.
Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Tyson Kidd/Cesaro
Kidd/Cesaro are defending and are the default heels here. Cole says that it’s Kofi and Big E. Langston for the New Day. Kofi takes Kidd to the mat to start but Tyson wraps the arm around the ropes to take over. Off to Big E. vs. Cesaro with Cesaro catching Big E.’s leapfrog in midair and throwing him into the corner. It’s back to Kidd as the champions stomp Big E. to the tune of New Day Sucks in an awesome moment. Tyson sends both challengers to the floor for a suicide cannonball dive on Kofi, only to have Big E. clothesline him down. Fans: “NEW DAY! SUCKS!” Woods: “WHAT DID WE DO??? WE’RE WINNING!”
Back in and Kofi hits a basement dropkick in the corner before we hit the chinlock. Big E. misses the splash and gets low bridged to the floor, allowing for the hot tag to Cesaro. The Swing is teased but it’s a catapult into the corner, where Kofi jumps to the top for a spinning cross body, but Cesaro catches him in mid air for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Cesaro’s apron superplex sets up the springboard elbow from Kidd for two, only to have Big E. dive through the ropes to spear Kidd down.
Back in and the Midnight Hour gets two on Kidd with Cesaro making the save. Kofi gets caught in the Sharpshooter and this time it’s E.’s turn to make the save. There’s the Swing into the dropkick but Woods gets on the apron for a distraction, only to be taken out by Natalya. Kofi uses the distraction to slide in with a rollup and a handful of trunks for the pin and the titles at 9:37.
Rating: B+. I had a really good time with this as Cesaro and Kidd are one of the most polished teams for such a short amount of time together as you’ll ever see. Hopefully these teams have several more matches together as they’ve got great chemistry and work together really well. Awesome match here and I’d love to see more of it.
The pre-show panel chats for a bit and talks about Neville vs. Barrett.
New Day celebrates their win as Ambrose and Harper return. They fight back to the arena and throw a bunch of weapons into the ring. Harper hits a quick powerbomb onto the chairs for two but takes too long putting Dean under the chairs, allowing Ambrose to toss him onto the steel. Dirty Deeds connects for the pin at somewhere around 59:00.
Rating: D+. So uh….what the heck was the point of this? If they had done something like Mankind vs. HHH at In Your House XVI where they kept fighting all throughout the night this would have been fun but instead it was three fourths of a match, then a 50 minute break, then a quick finish. Were they just five minutes short or something?
Long recap of Cena vs. Rusev. They traded wins at the previous two pay per views but tonight Cena is defending the US Title in a Russian chain match.
US Title: John Cena vs. Rusev
Russian chain match of the four corners variety, meaning forward momentum has to be maintained or your streak of corners is erased. They start with a tug of war and Cena gets three quick buckles, followed by Rusev getting two of his own. Rusev sends him to the floor and suplexes him over the ropes for two buckles but Cena hits him with the chain to break it up. They head outside with Rusev being pulled into the post, knocking him half silly in the process.
Cena gets two buckles but Rusev wraps his legs around the ropes for the save. Rusev scores with the spinwheel kick and chains Cena in the back a few times but can only get two buckles. For some reason Rusev goes up top, only to get pulled down onto the chain. Cena starts his finishing sequence but gets caught in the fall away slam, setting up the jumping superkick. The fans want Lana so she gets on the apron, only to be ejected by Rusev. Cena hits his usual stuff but the AA is countered into the Alabama Slam.
The Accolade is reversed into the STF and the rope Rusev grabs means nothing. Rusev pulls him down and hooks the Accolade so Cena gets to his feet and drives Rusev into two corners. He collapses from the hold though and Rusev hits the third, only to walk into the AA to break the streak. Back up and they both quickly get three, setting up a tug of war over the fourth. Rusev rushes for it but Cena pulls him into the AA and slaps the fourth to retain at 13:35.
Rating: C. I’m actually surprised but they did find a different way to end the thing. That being said, these matches can only be so good as the gimmick gets in the way of the match. Other than the match being called a Russian chain match, there’s no distinct advantage here for Rusev and it makes for a pretty average match. Not bad or anything, but I’ll never want to watch this again.
Roman Reigns talks about how he’ll keep getting up and win the last man standing match tonight.
Divas Title: Nikki Bella vs. Naomi
Nikki is defending and Naomi got the shot after attacking Paige, who had won a battle royal to earn the title match. Naomi has new music, stupid looking glasses and shoes that light up. Nikki puts on an armbar to start but gets suplexed down for two. The shoes are already really distracting as Naomi hooks a chinlock. Back up and Nikki avoids the Rear View but Naomi stops to dance a bit.
Naomi charges into an elbow in the corner and the Alabama Slam gets two. Back up and Naomi gets the same off a falling reverse DDT. A quick Bubba Bomb into a rollup gets the same but Nikki comes back with something like a Beautiful Disaster from the middle rope for two. Brie gets in a cheap shot on Naomi, setting up the Rack Attack to retain the title at 7:17. Those are our new heroes?
Rating: C. The Bellas (they’re a collective entity in my mind at this point) are acceptable in the ring and improving, but they’re far too annoying to make me ever care about/like them, especially with the one not in the match shouting COME ON *insert other sister’s name here* a dozen times a match. It also doesn’t help that they might be the worst written characters I’ve seen in years with the stories starting and stopping and them suddenly being faces with no reason given. Also their Total Divas personas haven’t done them any favors. Somehow this is going to wind up as the Funkadactyls vs. Bellas isn’t it?
Rusev yells at Lana and storms off. Lana hangs her head and walks into the Authority’s locker room. That’s something I guess and the fans gasped when they saw whose room it was.
We recap Reigns vs. Big Show, which exists to prove that there is a devil and his name is Vince McMahon.
Roman Reigns vs. Big Show
Last man standing. They slug it out to start and Reigns knocks Show to the floor before getting an early table. Big Show shoves it back under the ring so Reigns posts him, setting up the apron kick for five. The table reappears and is set up at ringside but Big Show breaks it with his fists so Reigns can’t put him through it.
Reigns opts for a kendo stick and nails Show with it a few times, only to have Show break it apart, saying he’s a giant. Thanks for pointing that out. Show goes into his slow offense and the fans chant BORING, so Reigns gets a chair and blasts Show about ten times to put him down. A DDT on the chair stuns Show and allows Reigns to get two tables. The delay lets Show get back up for the KO Punch though, sending Reigns down for eight.
Show is annoyed so Roman hits a Samoan drop through the table. Back up and Big Show hits a spear, followed by the most polite, least impactful Vader Bomb you’ll ever see. Reigns gets to his feet so Show goes up, only to get slammed down for almost no reaction. Two Superman Punches connect but Show catches the third and chokeslams Roman over the top and through the two tables Reigns set up earlier.
Naturally it only gets nine so Big Show leaves Reigns alone as he sets up the announcers’ table. In a funny bit, Show sees the announcers’ notes that say he needs to lose weight and yells at JBL. Back in and Reigns avoids a charge through a table in the corner, setting up a spear for eight.
Show rolls outside so Reigns spears him through the barricade for a spot we’ve seen before. It doesn’t help that Show was motionless at seven and on his feet at nine. Show loads up a chokeslam on the table but Reigns escapes and runs the tables to spear Show through the Spanish table for eight. Reigns finally buries Show under the table for the win at 19:43.
Rating: C+. The worst part? The match wasn’t really even that bad. Just too long though and the ending didn’t do what they were hoping. Why did they need to have the table cover him when they could have done the spear for the win? In other words, it was a table that kept Show down instead of Reigns. Great way to make your next big star look awesome there guys. This could have been WAY worse, but the lack of crowd interest had them dead on arrival.
Randy Orton tells Kane that the Authority will turn on him.
We look at some Tough Enough applications.
Here’s Bo Dallas, who wants to know why Chicago is the Second City when they’re clearly #1! That would be #1 at rejecting someone trying to make their lives better. The people here shouldn’t worry about how extreme the rules get because they should be worrying about bo-lieving. Cue Ryback and the obvious happens.
Rusev is annoyed about the loss when Lana comes in and says it’s done. There will be one more match between Cena and Rusev at Payback and it’s I Quit.
WWE World Title: Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins
In a cage with Rollins defending, the RKO banned and Kane guarding the cage door. Pinfall, submission or escape to win. Rollins goes for the cage twice early and Randy pulls him down on the second attempt. A third attempt goes just as badly so Rollins climbs one more time and sends Orton into the cage to take over for a change. Seth gets reversed into the cage again and the chase is on up the cage wall with Orton making a save.
Rollins almost escapes again and this time the Stooges come out to help, only to have Orton superplex him off the top for a big crash and two. Kane yells at the Stooges as Orton can’t follow up. To change up the pace of the escape counters, Orton crotches him on the top rope instead. The Elevated DDT plants Rollins and Lawler is already proclaiming Orton the next champion.
Orton loads up the RKO but opts for a decent looking Pedigree for two instead. The fans chant YES as Orton loads up the Punt but Rollins ducks to the side and hits a quick enziguri. Kane is told to open the door and obeys the champ but Randy is right there with the backbreaker to stop Rollins again.
The door stays open so Orton stops to think about it, but the threat of Kane sends him back. That threat proves to be well founded a Kane slams the door when Orton tries to leave. Randy does the smart thing by kicking the door at Kane before it turns into a fight to escape. Kane slams the door on both men and takes off his jacket, so the Stooges send Kane into the cage. The monster chokeslams both guys and loads up a tombstone on Orton, only to have Randy escape and RKO Kane. Seth uses the distraction to RKO Orton, allowing him to escape and retain at 20:50.
Rating: C. This wasn’t terrible but it took longer than it should have and ended with a pretty lame surprise. They were treating the RKO from Rollins like Austin siding with Vince when it was really just a technicality. The match was good enough but the gimmick continues to drag things down. Some of the early escape attempts were good though.
Overall Rating: C+. I liked this more than I thought I would but it still wasn’t a blow away show. Unfortunately we seem to be heading for round 3 of multiple feuds at Payback, despite there being very little left for these people to fight over. Definitely a watchable show, but can we please get some fresh ideas on top? Like, even adding someone else to Orton vs. Rollins and no Kane doesn’t count. Better than I was expecting but still not great.
Results
Dolph Ziggler b. Sheamus – Rolling cradle
New Day b. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd – Rollup with a handful of trunks
Dean Ambrose b. Luke Harper – Dirty Deeds
John Cena b. Rusev – Cena touched the fourth buckle
Nikki Bella b. Naomi – Rack Attack
Roman Reigns b. Big Show – Show couldn’t answer the ten count
Seth Rollins b. Randy Orton – Rollins escaped the cage
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UYAMB8U
And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:
Daniel Bryan Out Of Extreme Rules, Neville To Replace Him
In a non-title match on the pre-show. Wasn’t the Tag Team Title match on the pre-show already? If there are two matches there, we have a six match pay per view card. That’s an awfully thin show, but maybe Nikki vs. Naomi can go 15 minutes or so.
Extreme Rules 2015 Preview
This isn’t going to be the longest one in the world as NorCal and I already did the full podcast preview for this show. In case you didn’t listen to that show for some reason (and you should. Check it and the other episodes here http://mightynorcal.podbean.com/), here’s a shorter than normal version.
On the pre-show, I’ll take Cesaro and Kidd to retain the Tag Team Titles. Cesaro and Kidd have been on fire with the belts and there’s no real need to give the belts to New Day, who can stay over as heels for six months on that clap alone. I like New Day, but they don’t need the belts yet.
Rollins over Orton in the Kane Show with Orton and Rollins as the backup players. I’m almost sure Orton will hit an RKO or two but Kane will somehow screw him over, because NO ONE would see a swerve like that coming because the Authority is just so much smarter than we all are. My interest in this match fell through the floor when Kane became involved and that’s not how you want your first title defense to go.
Cena retains of course in probably the most brutal match on the show. Those two are going to beat the fire out of each other and probably go on to have yet another match, which will only make Rusev look all the lamer. It’s a shame too as the guy has shown he can hang in there with the top guys, but since we NEED a tetralogy instead of just the regular trilogy. Also, can we please find a different way to end the match instead of Cena following him around?
I don’t think Bryan is going to be able to go, meaning it should be Neville getting the shot. Who will it be though? Probably Truth or Ryder or one of the other designated losers. Barrett walks out with the belt either way, but my goodness do they really have to wait until the day of the show to announce that Bryan is hurt? Barring a shocker, they’ve known for a week and should just announce it instead of jerking the fans around with their “well he MIGHT be there!”
Sheamus beats Ziggler in the stupidest gimmick of the night that I’d assume only Vince and Dunn find funny.
Nikki retains the Divas Title. All hail the Bellas and forever praise be their names, even if it defeats the purpose of turning Naomi heel, which defeats the purpose of common sense as she wrestles the natural face style but they decided to turn all the Divas heel for some reason.
Reigns over Big Show to FINALLY END THIS STUPID STUPID FEUD THAT WAS DEAD FIVE MONTHS AGO BUT LET’S JUST KEEP THEM FIGHTING BECAUSE BIG SHOW IS BIG AND THAT MEANS FANS WANT TO SEE REIGNS BEAT HIM UP EVEN THOUGH SHOW BEAT HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WWE BECAUSE HE’S BIG AND THEREFORE INTERESTING!
And Ambrose over Harper in what should be a hot opener.
Overall this show doesn’t have me all that fired up, but it’s usually a sleeper hit. If they let the violence get cranked up, they can overcome the lame build but it’s going to take some work. As usual, this is the Wrestlemania rematch show and you almost have to have the gimmicks to keep it from being Wrestlemania Part II.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UYAMB8U
And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:
AJ Lee Gone From WWE
As confirmed by WWE.com. I can’t say I’m stunned by this, but how smart of it was of her to get a Wrestlemania payday before she walked away? It also explains Naomi getting a push out of nowhere like that and no followup from AJ beating Nikki on Sunday.
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: March 2, 2015
It’s been a week since the last episode of Monday Night Raw and I’m still somewhat annoyed at what I sat through last week. I try to do these a bit sooner but I needed some extra time to let this one get out of my mind before I rant on it all over again. I’m going to try to focus on the good things this time and give the show a fairer look as the show made me so mad last week that I wasn’t able to focus on things like I should have. Let’s get to it.
Before we get started, let’s establish something. With four episodes to go before Wrestlemania, every single episode of this show should be designed to make me want to watch Wrestlemania and little else. The show hasn’t had a great build to this point and
Rollins and the Stooges opened the show with the former calling out Jon Stewart, who is on his way to the arena. This brought out Reigns, but Rollins mentioned a bunch of internet reports and referenced people like Wiz Khalifa (performing next week), Michael Jordan (became a billionaire last week) and Mark Henry (rumored to return last week but didn’t). I’m really not sure what the point of this was but it really didn’t do much.
Seth implied he was going to cash in at Wrestlemania or the night after on Raw but got punched in the mouth instead. Like most other things on this show, there really wasn’t much to it and it really didn’t make me care about anyone involved. Basically it set up the Stewart appearance and established that Reigns was in the building. Not much here.
Post break Orton yelled at the Stooges for letting that happen to Rollins and suggested Rollins vs. Reigns tonight. Again, this is holding the viewers’ hand and walking them through every single thing instead of just throwing up a graphic and saving five minutes.
Dean Ambrose beat Bad News Barrett with Dirty Deeds. This involved more shenanigans with the Intercontinental Title and helped set up the ladder match. This is another big deal at the moment and I seem to be on the opposite side of most people. Here’s the thing: yes it’s doing something with the Intercontinental Title, but I still don’t like it. The same title match could be set up so easily without having the champion lose all the time. Instead, he keeps losing every match he’s in and the title is literally handed around as a prize.
You know what really brought this angle down for me? The quick promo Ambrose gave on the snowed out Raw where he talked about wanting to make the title mean something. This has done the opposite of that and turned the title into a comedy prop. It’s true that this is an upgrade over what the title has been for years now, but it could so easily be done better that it drives me crazy.
Miz debuted the commercial he stole from Mizdow. Of course it was a comedy bit with Miz implying he had erectile dysfunction and included quotes from Miz completely out of context. We’ll ignore the company filming Miz’s parts before he agreed to be in them for the sake of comedy. Of course everyone laughed and Miz blamed Mizdow, but the big eruption didn’t happen yet. I’m still not sure what happens at Wrestlemania though as Mizdow throwing out Miz and then getting thrown out kind of defeats the purpose.
Bray Wyatt lit a casket on fire. If Undertaker isn’t going to show up until Wrestlemania, Bray has to do more than just talk so this is the smartest thing he can do.
Cesaro/Kidd/Natalya b. Naomi/the Usos to continue this feud. I’m hoping we get some fresh challengers for the champs soon.
Now we get to the segment that ruined this show for me. John Cena came out and said he wanted to face Rusev for the title again at Wrestlemania. He wants to bring it back to America, but if Rusev won’t accept the challenge, maybe he’ll enter the Andre the Giant battle royal. This part was fine. Far fetched, but fine.
Then Stephanie came out and right away I saw a red flag. Here’s the problem: she has nothing to do with this story. Nothing. Why was she out here? No one mentioned her name and she hasn’t had any direct connection with Cena or Rusev in weeks if not months, but here she was anyway.
So anyway she said that Cena isn’t allowed to just decide what match he’s in (Cena: “That’s what people do in a battle royal.”), didn’t understand a Murder’s Row reference, and started talking about being Andre the Giant’s friend. She pulled up a picture of her sitting on Andre’s knee at the first Wrestlemania and said Cena wasn’t going to disrespect his memory like this. This is about Wrestlemania, which is far bigger than John Cena. John needs to think about what he’ll do without WWE, not the other way around.
This brings up the obvious question: WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? How did we go from Cena wanting to fight Rusev for the US Title to Stephanie and Andre the Giant in the span of five minutes? This segment felt like nothing more than a way to get Stephanie on the show and let her rip Cena’s balls off because that’s what her character does anymore.
It didn’t have anything to do with Wrestlemania because no one believes Cena isn’t going to fight Rusev again, and as Cena said, EVERYONE JUST ENTERS THE BATTLE ROYAL. Stephanie said something about Cena not respecting Andre’s legacy, which implies that Cena isn’t important. Isn’t this the same Cena that the Authority sucked up to for weeks on end a while back? The whole speech made no sense and was even worse live than recapping it here.
But then, something happened to make it feel a lot better. Curtis Axel, now a full on Hogan tribute character, to say he might be the next John Cena and could win the battle royal. Stephanie makes Cena vs. Axel so Cena can prove himself or something, but the Rusev stuff is so far gone by now that it doesn’t matter. Cena squashed him in two minutes. Axel was great, but there was no saving this segment. Rusev came out and said no so Cole implied Cena won’t be at Wrestlemania.
“Yes you too can see Wrestlemania for just $10 on the WWE Network! John Cena! Daniel Bryan! These are just some of the people who might not be on the show!” I’m sure so many people are going to stick around to see if their favorites might be on the show to give you your money. Or maybe Stephanie will tell us what she did in fourth grade! That’s a crowd for sure.
HHH came out and talked about how Sting was given a chance to leave without pain but he chose to fight instead. Booker T. was called into the ring, said no one could control Sting including HHH, and got fired. He went to leave but HHH hired him back because he wanted to show off his control. I’m still not 100% clear on what this feud is about, but Sting better win at Wrestlemania or the entire arena is going to go flat quick.
Paige vs. Nikki Bella got big match intros and lasted all of seven minutes. Of course half of that was in a commercial and the match ended with a DQ, but that’s more of a chance than they usually get. The big deal here was AJ returned to save Paige, setting up a tag match at Wrestlemania.
The other big bit of the night was Jon Stewart coming out to face off with Seth Rollins. They knocked this out of the park with Stewart giving one of, if not the best celebrity appearance ever. You can tell he’s a big WWE fan and knew what he was talking about as he ripped into Rollins. The big line here though, and one that seemed to be planting seeds for later, was Stewart asking why the Authority isn’t putting Rollins in the main event of Wrestlemania if they’re all behind him. The brawl broke out and Orton offered a distraction so Stewart could kick Rollins low and leave. This was exactly what it needed to be and the highlight of the show.
Daniel Bryan beat Luke Harper in a quick match. More belt shenanigans followed and ended with Ziggler taking the belt.
Alundra Blayze is going to the Hall of Fame. That’s another name on the list of WOW returns.
Orton promised to have Rollins’ back tonight but Big Show and Kane told him to stay out. I still have no idea what they’re waiting on with this story.
Heyman came out and said Lesnar was tough and Reigns couldn’t beat him. There are only so many ways Heyman can say the exact same thing before it stops working. Lesnar needs to show up already so we can mix the story up a bit.
The main event was a big standard show closing fight with Rollins pinning Reigns. Yeah this happened, for reasons that I still do not understand. Yeah apparently the idea to have Reigns look like he can beat the unbeatable Lesnar is to have him lose to someone who doesn’t have a Wrestlemania match right now. Orton tripped Reigns up for the loss, but it’s still a stupid idea.
BUT WAIT, the masses say, because Reigns hit a great looking dive onto the Authority and then speared Rollins out of the air to end the show. This felt like a big fireworks show at a baseball stadium after the home team loses a close game. Yeah it may look cool, but it comes right after your soul gets ripped out. Tell me: why did Reigns need to lose this match? What good does that do anyone? Just saying “he didn’t need to win it” isn’t a good enough answer, because winning doesn’t mean much for him, but losing it makes him look weak going into the title match. These are the little things that are just done that drive me crazy.
Overall Raw felt like it had no idea what its goal was. The problem with that is there should be no doubt as to what the goal is right now. The goal should be Wrestlemania and making the fans want to see it. Instead, it feels like the goal is to cram in every single thing they can and hope that someone cares about some of it.
As good as Stewart’s appearance was, it really was just a good version of the usual guest stars schtick. I get why they did it because he’s the biggest name they’ve had on here in years, but it still doesn’t make me care about Wrestlemania any more than I already did. This company needs to tighten things up by about fourteen notches, because this Wrestlemania build has been a misguided disaster.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW
And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at: