Wrestle Kingdom XII
Date: January 4, 2018
Location: Tokyo Dome, Tokyo, Japan
Attendance: 34,995
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Don Callis

It’s that that day of the year (not even time for this show) as we’re at New Japan’s biggest show of the year. The main event is IWGP World Champion Kazuchika Okada defending against former champion Tetsuya Naito in what should be a pretty obvious ending, but the match that has gotten almost all of the attention is a dream match between Kenny Omega vs. Chris Jericho. Not only have they set the match up but they’ve actually done some rather hot angles to help build the thing. Let’s get to it.

Please note that I don’t watch much New Japan. I have a decent idea of what’s going on and do follow the stories and developments, but there’s a good chance that I’m going to miss a thing or two.

Pre-Show: New Japan Rumble

This is a Royal Rumble with one minute intervals and pin/submission/over the top eliminations. Katsuya Kitamura (the reigning Young Lions Cup winner who is in crazy shape) is in at #1 and Bushi is in at #2. Kitamura shakes the ropes to start and is quickly choked in the corner with a shirt. Delirious is in at #3 and comes in after a quick lap around the ring. Some chops have no effect on Kitamura so grunting ensues and Delirious is dropped in the corner. Leo Tonga, a 6’10 monster and the Guerrillas of Destiny’s brother, is in at #4 and grabs a lifting Downward Spiral for two on Kitamura.

Delirious and Bushi trade some kicks until Manabu Nakanishi, a former IWGP World Champion, is in at #5. Nothing of note happens for not (standard battle royal in other words) and Chase Owens (an honorary Tongan) is in at #6 as the intervals are already way out of whack. Owens gives Delirious a quick package piledriver for the first elimination to clear the ring out a bit. Nakanishi has Bushi in a torture rack before tossing him out as Yuji Nagata is in at #7.

Nagata and Nakanishi, current partners, do the old man slugout with the latter getting the better of it. A double pin gets rid of Tonga, Nagata rolls Nakanishi up for a quick pin and Owens/Kitamura get together to pin Nagata in the span of thirty seconds. A package piledriver eliminates Kitamura and it’s Taka Michinoku in at #8 to go one on one with Owens. Since Taka takes forever to get to the ring, Yoshinobu Kanemaru (Taka’s stablemate in Suzuki-Gun) is in at #9 in short order. Owens is double teamed until Desperado, also of Suzuki-Gun, is in at #10.

Chase actually hangs on until a shot of booze to the face is good for an elimination to leave Suzuki-Gun alone in the ring. That should mean a big name coming in and it’s Jushin Thunder Liger in at #11 (with the always awesome theme). Jushin gets in some palm strikes but tries the surfboard for some reason, allowing the triple teaming to start all over. Suzuki-Gun goes for the mask but it’s Tiger Mask in at #12.

Desperado goes for Mask’s mask, only to have Tiger switch places and almost get Desperado’s mask off instead. A tiger driver gets two on Desperado and it’s Gino Gambino, a rather large Australian, is in at #13. Desperado and Tiger lose their masks, which seems to be a double elimination. Liger, Kanemaru and Taka are pinned in short order, leaving Gambino to face Toa Henare, another Young Lion, who is in at #14. A Samoan drop gets two on Gambino as Yoshi-Hashi is in at #15. Hashi chops at Henare for one (Were you expecting anything more off a chop?) and David Finlay is in at #16.

Finlay wastes no time in Stunning Gambino for an elimination. Henare is put out again, leaving Finlay to roll Hashi up for another pin (despite his shoulder being WAY off the mat). Yujiro Takahashi is in at #17 with a rather good looking woman in a leather bunny mask. A clothesline gets rid of Finlay in short order and Takahashi is all alone. Cheeseburger is n at #18 because of course he is. The tiny man gets in a bulldog and a stomp as Satoshi Kojima (quite a legend in his own right) is in at #19.

Yujiro grabs a fisherman’s buster on Kojima but goes after Cheeseburger instead of following up. Hiroyoshi Tenzan, Kojima’s longtime partner, is in at #20. The rapid Mongolian chops have Takahashi in trouble and it’s Masahito Kakihara (a cancer survivor of UWFI fame) in at #21 for the last entrant. A 3D plants Yujiro and a lariat gets rid of him, leaving us with Kakihara, Cheeseburger, Kojima and Tenzan. Kojima shows Cheeseburger how to throw some machine gun chops but he’s smart enough to roll away from a splash.

Back up and Cheeseburger and Kakihara try chops to the chest with Cheeseburger’s having no effect (BECAUSE HE’S REALLY SMALL! LIKE MUCH SMALLER THAN EVERYONE ELSE BUT HE NEVER GIVES UP! DO YOU GET THE IDEA YET???) and a double low bridge eliminate Tenzan and Kojima. A quick STO ends Cheeseburger at 32:06 to give Kakihara the win.

Rating: D+. The ending was a nice touch with Kakihara being a feel good story after his illness. The rest of the match was the usual mess, though this isn’t the kind of match where you’re looking for a big story. People got their stuff in and were able to appear at the show, which is all you can ask for. I wasn’t wild on the multiple instances of people being eliminated in short order but again, that’s not the point in a match like this. It accomplished its goal, despite not being the most thrilling thing in the world.

Post match Kakihara puts on a shirt in honor of Yoshihiro Takayama, who was paralyzed in a match back in May. Cool moment there, especially for a cancer survivor like Kakihara.

The opening video runs the card down. There’s something cool about having the match order announced in advance. I like wondering what order some WWE shows go in but this does help a lot if you’re looking for a single match.

As usual, the Dome looks great with attendance up pretty strongly from last year. That’s always a good sign.

A female announcer seems to welcome us to the show.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Titles: Young Bucks vs. Roppongi 3K

3K (Ring of Honor’s Tempura Boyz, Sho and Yoh) is defending and has Rocky Romero in their corner. Nick shoves Yoh around to start and it’s already time for a Sharpshooter attempt (WWE did it so the Bucks can too!). Yoh actually grabs one of his own, drawing in the partners so Matt can put Sho in another Sharpshooter. That means a slap off for a unique spot, followed by 3K popping up for stereo dropkicks.

Romero actually calls a play (which is a further step than you see most managers take), leading to double flip dives to the floor. Yoh comes up with a bad back though and it’s time for a glorified handicap match in the vein of the Bucks vs. Roppongi Vice from last year. Nick dropkicks Sho down and Romero gets powerbombed onto the ramp. Yoh gets thrown inside and then powerbombed onto the apron as the announcers go over the Bucks’ history at the show.

Matt hurts his own back on a dive so it’s Nick stomping on Yoh at a fairly slow pace. A pretty weak backbreaker has Yoh in trouble so Nick takes Yoh to the ramp for a piledriver. Yoh backdrops his way to freedom and Nick dives onto his brother by mistake. The hot tag brings in Sho to clean house with kicks and suplexes. He even German suplexes both Bucks at once in a surprising display of power.

Nick’s superkicks don’t get him very far so it’s a leg lariat which knocks Sho into the ropes, only to have him lariat Nick down. Yoh and Matt have matching back injuries but Matt is still able to powerbomb him into the corner. A hanging DDT with Nick flipping onto Yoh’s back at the same time is good for two and it’s off to the Sharpshooter. Yoh grabs the rope and More Bang For Your Buck is countered into a rollup for two.

We hit stereo half crabs from the champs with Nick having to hold his brother’s arm up. Eventually Nick kicks his hold away to break up the one on Nick and everyone is down. The healthy guys take turns kicking at the bad backs before Nick superkicks Sho down, followed by a corkscrew dive to the floor. Back in and the Meltzer Driver into the Sharpshooter gives the Bucks the belts for the seventh time at 18:49.

Rating: B. I like this version of the Bucks, but unfortunately you don’t see them that often. This team was a lot more crisp and with only a handful of superkicks throughout a nearly twenty minute match, it was far from the usual drek. What I could go for is something slightly fresher than the same stuff they did with Roppongi Vice in at least two matches I’ve seen. It’s not lazy storytelling but rather long form storytelling and in this case they did change things up enough to make it work. A fresh idea is probably needed now, along with someone other than the Bucks and their opponents of the month in the title picture.

Never Openweight Six Man Tag Team Titles: Gauntlet Match

Bad Luck Fale/Guerrillas of Destiny are defending. Two teams start, the winning team keeps going, last team standing leaves with the belts. Suzuki-Gun (Zack Sabre Jr./Taichi/Takashi Iizuka with Desperado, Taka Michinoku and Yoshinobu Kanemaru) and War Machine/Michael Elgin start things off after Iizuka is lead to the ring on a leash. Suzuki-Gun jumps the simply named trio to start but run into the power of Elgin.

Somehow Elgin is still able to slingshot in with a splash for no cover. A not very delayed suplex on Iizuka is enough to bring in Hanson to rake the eyes a bit. Taichi gets in a few shots as well until a cartwheel gets Hanson over to the corner for the hot tag to Rowe. Everything breaks down in a hurry but Rowe misses a moonsault. Sabre grabs a quick triangle choke and Rowe is choked out at 6:05.

Next up are Beretta, Toru Yano and Tomohiro Ishii and the brawl is on in the aisle. They get in with the beating only lasting a few seconds until Yano gets in a low blow and rolls Taichi for the pin at 9:12 (including the time between falls). Next up is Taguchi Japan, consisting of Togi Makabe, Ryusuke Taguchi and Juice Robinson.

The brawl is on in a hurry with Robinson firing off right hands but having to catch the turnbuckle pad that Yano unhooked. Makabe runs over Yano with a lariat for two and now it’s everyone clotheslining Yano in the corner. A springboard hip attack gets two and Makabe runs more people over. Taguchi channels Shinsuke Nakamura with the gyrating before a running knee, only to charge into a rollup to give Yano his second straight pin at 14:06.

That leaves us with Bad Luck Fale and the Guerrillas of Destiny to complete the field and again the fight is on in a hurry. Tonga Loa gives Trent an AA on the apron but Fale misses a splash in the corner, meaning a hot tag can bring in Ishii to do what a monster is supposed to do. He can’t lift the huge Fale though and that earns him a big splash in the corner. A chokeslam is broken up and Ishii headbutts him backwards, followed by an impressive suplex.

The Guerrillas come back in and hit Guerrilla Warfare on Beretta. Instead of covering though, they try a belly to back superplex but get elbowed away. Beretta isn’t out of the woods yet though as he moonsaults right into a cutter for a very near fall. Fale and Ishii clothesline each other down but Beretta hits a quick Dudebuster to pin Loa for the titles at 21:46.

Rating: C-. I’m never a fan of gauntlet matches for the most part as there’s too much going on in too little time, which mainly means nothing has the chance to build or really go anywhere. They did manage to make Beretta look like a resilient fighter by making a comeback at the end, which helps push him up the heavyweight ranks, but that’s really the only thing that made an impact here. It’s not bad or anything but too much going on and too many people.

Ticket info for the Long Beach event is released tomorrow. That’s cool to see but they still need to do a lot more if they want to really expand into America (which isn’t exactly necessary).

Cody vs. Kota Ibushi

Not much of a story here, though there’s a good chance that it’s designed to help build Ibushi for an eventual mega match against former partner Kenny Omega. Cody has Brandi (sweet goodness) with him and still has the bleach blond hair. After Cody puts his ring in a box, we’re ready to go.

Cody’s headlock is countered with a nip up so Cody flips him off. That’s not the nicest gesture in the world and Ibushi is so disgusted that he gets caught in an American Nightmare lock. Ibushi makes the rope and Callis is wondering why he didn’t have that better scouted. Fair question actually as Callis shows how to be an intelligent commentator.

Cody gets sent outside and Brandi is down so Ibushi checks on her, only to be suckered into a right hand. Back in and the Disaster Kick starts working on Ibushi’s always bad neck and we hit a double underhook neck crank. Brandi takes Kevin’s chair and distracts the referee so Cody can get in some shots to the neck.

Despite that likely KILLING IBUSHI, he’s back up and hitting a moonsault press to the floor to take Cody down again. Back in and Kota’s rapid strikes into a standing moonsault gets two. Brandi grabs the foot to break up a suplex though (Callis: “She’s been watching her Bobby Heenan footage!”) and Cody hits Cross Rhodes off the apron to drop Ibushi HARD onto his head in a great looking crash. Somehow Ibushi beats the count so Cody hits his own springboard hurricanrana for a very close two.

Cross Rhodes is countered though and Ibushi lawn darts him into the buckle. Ibushi can’t follow up so they slap it out with Kota getting the better of it, setting up the sitout Last Ride for two more. A hard lariat (staying on the neck) gives Cody two and a straitjacket German suplex gives Ibushi the same. He doesn’t let go though, instead kneeing the heck out of Cody. The Phoenix splash is good for the academic pin on Cody at 16:08.

Rating: B. Another well done match here as Ibushi fought through the neck injury (with Cody focusing on the neck almost the entire time) and coming out on top at the end. That’s a great way to set up the eventual match against Omega and hopefully Ibushi gets a great run out of this. He’s incredibly smooth in the ring and that makes the matches very easy to watch. Good stuff here as you could get a sense of what they were going for, which is hard in any wrestling match.

IWGP Tag Team Titles: Evil/Sanada vs. Killer Elite Squad

Evil and Sanada are challenging after winning the World Tag League last year. Lance Archer (partner of Davey Boy Smith Jr.) is a cowboy so a lot of beer is sprayed over the crowd. The champs jump them to start and a Killer Bomb (full nelson slam into a sitout powerbomb) gets a very early two on Evil (as in less than fifteen seconds in). Evil is basically dead so Archer pounds away, allowing Davey to get two while posing.

That’s enough for the Squad as they head outside and beat up the young boys for fun. Archer chokeslams Evil onto everyone else before taking Sanada back in for a headscissors of all things. A side slam/middle rope splash gets two and Archer just blasts Sanada with a clothesline. Sanada dropkicks Davey in the knee but it’s still not enough for the hot tag off to Davey as Lance makes the save. The announcers declare this over so get the new nameplates ready for the belts.

Archer’s Rock Bottom gets two but he charges into a hurricanrana. The hot tag FINALLY brings Evil in for some clotheslines with the third finally taking Archer down. Smith misses his middle rope moonsault (because of course he can do one of those and land on his feet) but Sanada gets chokeslammed for two. Another Killer Bomb gets the same but Evil breaks up a third attempt. Archer gets sent outside and the Magic Killer gets two on Davey. A quick moonsault press puts Davey away to give us new champions at 13:17.

Rating: B-. Good come from behind win here as Evil (what a name for a face) and Sanada are good as the plucky rag dolls who get destroyed but still manage to come back in the end. The Squad looked awesome here and I was into their heel act, which really wasn’t something I was expecting coming in. Good match here and while it’s a step beneath some of the stuff on the show tonight, another solid performance and a title change that makes sense.

Never Openweight Title: Hirooki Goto vs. Minoru Suzuki

Suzuki is defending, no seconds allowed and hair/title vs. hair, which never sounds fair whatsoever. I’ve never gotten much out of Suzuki so hopefully this is an upgrade. Goto walks into a shot to the face to start but comes back with one of his own to get us back to even. An early standing choke doesn’t get Suzuki very far so he grabs another while standing on the second rope. That’s enough to bring the doctor in, only to have Suzuki clear the ring again.

Goto is sent outside which seems to wake him up, meaning Suzuki can hit him in the back with a chair because he feels like it. For some reason Goto decides to roll back in and a hard forearm to the head cuts him off again. A running knee in the corner rocks Goto but a running kick to the chest is caught….so Suzuki hits him in the head again. Goto does manage a spinwheel kick in the corner and a bulldog, followed by a Saito suplex for two.

Suzuki grabs his choke again but keeps trying the Gotch Style piledriver. Instead Goto reverses into a fireman’s carry backbreaker so here’s Suzuki-Gun to interfere (standard operating procedure). Goto fights them off but walks into a hard dropkick to keep Suzuki in control. A long series of rapid fire strikes to the face sets up the choke again but Suzuki again opts for the piledriver.

Goto reverses that as well but gets caught in a guillotine choke with Suzuki standing on the ropes. That’s reversed into a super fireman’s carry backbreaker for two (fair enough as the ropes didn’t really add anything) so Goto headbutts the heck out of him. The GTR (an Eye of the Hurricane onto the knee) is enough to end Suzuki at 18:04.

Rating: C+. I’m still not a fan of this beating each other up and hitting each other over and over until one of you can’t stand up anymore style. It’s never been my thing and it probably never will be. Goto is more interesting than Suzuki so I can get behind the title change, but at the same time I could have gone for a slightly different story than repeating what we saw in the previous match: champion completely overpowers the challenger until a few well timed shots give him an opening. It felt like the same layout in back to back matches and that’s a bit annoying.

Suzuki is carried away by his guys but walks back to the ring for the haircut, which he does himself in humiliation.

Ads for upcoming shows.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title: Will Ospreay vs. Kushida vs. Hiromu Takahashi vs. Marty Scurll

One fall to a finish and Scurll is defending. These four have been the only champions since November 2016 so there are a lot of stories tied together in the whole thing. Scurll and Ospreay are mortal enemies, Takahashi had Kushida’s number (though Kushida finally beat him to win the title back) and Ospreay took the title from Kushida a few months back. Marty comes out with WINGS for a heck of an entrance. The champ heads outside to start so it’s Ospreay flipping over Kushida to start.

Kushida flips over into a dropkick for two with Marty running in for the save. Back up and Ospreay moonsaults in to kick Scurll and Kushida down at the same time. Everyone heads outside with Ospreay climbing the set and moonsaulting down onto the other three. Back in and Kushida catches Ospreay’s springboard in a cross armbreaker but Ospreay comes back in to grab the chickenwing.

Kushida slaps the Hoverboard Lock on Takahashi at the same time and it’s a game of chicken (Wing?). It’s Scurll letting go of Ospreay to make the save with a superkick to Kushida. Back up and everyone hits everyone really hard for the four way knockdown. They strike it out from their knees until Ospreay kicks Scurll down, only to have the Oscutter countered into the chickenwing.

That’s broken up as well and Takahashi suplexes Kushida into the corner. Kushida gets caught upside down in the corner for a superkick (called the Chicky Nandos kick, a case where I doubt I want the backstory), followed by Ospreay going up. His shooting star is countered into a cutter though and Scurll gets two off a Last Shot. The Oscutter gets the same on Ospreay and Scurll heads outside to tape Takahashi to the barricade. He throws in a finger break, only to have Kushida and Ospreay break fingers on both of his hands.

Kushida triangles Ospreay but gets lifted up and powerbombed into the corner for his efforts. Now it’s Scurll grabbing some powder to blind Kushida, who is still able to hit the small package driver for two with Ospreay diving off the top for the save. Takahashi has somehow gotten free and catches Ospreay in a German suplex, followed by running sunset bombs to Ospreay and Scurll. The Time Bomb gets two on Scurll but it’s Ospreay coming in for the save.

Ospreay and Scurll take turns kicking the heck out of Takahashi and Kushida, only to have Takahashi missile dropkick Ospreay for two. Now it’s Kushida back up with a running sunset bomb on Takahashi. Ospreay hits an imploding 450 for two on Takahashi but a Time Bomb gets the same with Scurll making the save. Some umbrella shots have the challengers in trouble but the Oscutter takes Scurll down for the pin and the title at 21:22.

Rating: A-. Like I said, there were a lot of stories in this match and Ospreay FINALLY beating Scurll was probably the biggest of them all. On top of that this was a heck of a fight with all four stealing the spotlight for at least a little while. Ospreay looked awesome here and was only a few steps ahead of the other three. There’s not much to say here, other than they were rocking the house and that’s what a match like this was supposed to do.

We recap (first time tonight) Hiroshi Tanahashi defending the Intercontinental Title against Jay White. Jay had been a Young Lion who left on his foreign excursion (mainly to Ring of Honor, where I was a big fan) and returned in November at Power Struggle. White talked about watching Tanahashi for years and now he wants to prove himself against the best. He attacked Tanahashi and received a title shot, which is about as simple as you can get. Tanahashi is older now (41) and banged up but he’s still one of the best the company has.

Intercontinental Title: Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Jay White

Tanahashi is defending. White has a cool entrance with a knife falling on the ground to play up his Switchblade moniker. They fight over arm control to start and it’s an early standoff with Tanahashi throwing in some air guitar. Not only will he wrestle you, but he’ll throw in some musical entertainment. Usually that costs more. A forearm White down but he gets in a shot to the knee to really take over for the first time.

The knee is wrapped around the barricade to make things even worse. Back in and Tanahashi has to fight from his back so White can pretty easily slap on something like an Indian deathlock. Kelly starts talking about Tanahashi’s history at this show as the basic leg work continues. Tanahashi finally escapes and hits a dragon screw legwhip for a breather, followed by a middle rope Swanton for two.

The Sling Blade misses but Tanahashi is right back on the leg to keep White at bay. A high crossbody to the floor drops White again but he’s right back up with a German suplex inside. White hits a brainbuster (not really) onto the apron before driving some knees into the corner (White: “Is this the Ace? Is this the Ace?”). Tanahashi’s comeback is countered with a suplex into the corner for two as frustration is starting to set in.

A twist of White’s knee takes him down this time but he catches Tanahashi on top. That just earns him a super swinging neckbreaker (Twist and Shout), followed by back to back Sling Blades for two. The High Fly Flow misses and the knee is banged up again. White’s Kiwi Crusher gets two but the Switchblade (looked like Sister Abigail) is countered into a dragon suplex for two more. High Fly Flow is good enough to end White at 19:44.

Rating: B-. You kind of knew they weren’t going to have Tanahashi lose three straight Wrestle Kingdom matches so the ending isn’t the biggest surprise. That being said, the idea of pulling the trigger on White seemed very, very intriguing though I get why they couldn’t go through with the title change.

However, this was little more than average with White’s offense not being anything impressive (he has a very solid look and presence though and the offense certainly wasn’t bad) and Tanahashi never feeling like he was in any serious danger. The Crusher only getting two and barely being treated as a near fall didn’t bode well and while the match was good, it was nothing compared to what Tanahashi has done in the past.

We recap the real main event of Chris Jericho vs. Kenny Omega. Basically Omega needed a top opponent and Jericho appeared in 2017, challenging him to a match. They’ve attacked each other in recent weeks and there’s actually a lot of hype for the match. Jericho used to wrestle in New Japan before he went to WCW so this is a homecoming in a way. But yeah, the entire story here is “Jericho vs. Omega.” Does it need to be anything else? Omega’s US Title is on the line and it’s about as important as Ric Flair’s Intercontinental Title when he fought HHH in a cage at Taboo Tuesday 2005.

IWGP US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kenny Omega

No DQ, Jericho is challenging and he brought the light up jacket to Japan. His hair has also grown out a bit and is now close to what it was looking like back in 2004/5, which isn’t the best idea in the world. Instead of the Terminator, Omega has what looks to be a Loki helmet and a big freaking gun, along with the Young Bucks at his side. Not that they matter as they’re ejected almost immediately in a good idea.

Jericho jumps him during the entrances and shoves the young boys out of the way. They immediately slug it out with Omega getting the better of it and hammering away on the mat. Jericho grabs the referee for a cheap shot and chops away as Callis is WAY more excited than he….eh never mind. An early Walls attempt sends Omega to the ropes and for some reason the referee breaks it up. Know the rules chum.

Omega baseball slides him over the barricade but the big springboard dive only hits table for a great looking crash. Jericho grabs the Walls on the floor and shoves the referee before putting a young boy (referee’s son for a nice touch) in the Walls as well. A monitor shot cuts Jericho off but he knocks Omega again. Jericho: “ALPHA!” Nice touch to play up that Alpha vs. Omega idea.

Speaking of Omega, he puts a table on top of Jericho and climbs a structure for a double stomp as the announcers try to figure out if they’re on the air. Both guys beat the count back in and Jericho’s springboard dropkick to the knee cuts off Omega’s springboard. Jericho heads back outside and sets up a table. The powerbomb is initially blocked so Jericho powerbombs him on the floor instead. Hang on as Jericho stops to grab a camera for some shots (as in photos), including some of his flipping off the fans.

Back in and a chair is wedged in the corner but Jericho goes with the Lionsault for a delayed two instead. One heck of a clothesline puts Jericho back on the floor and there’s the big flip dive to take Jericho down again. Omega scores with the V Trigger but the snap dragon is reversed into the ropes. This time Omega goes to the corner but grabs the cold spray stored there to blind Jericho for the escape. The blind Jericho is still able to send Omega head first into the corner, meaning it’s time to stop for some posing. That gets some great heat from the crowd and Jericho sending Omega into the chair again makes things even better.

Omega is busted and you know Jericho is going to follow up on that. A snap dragon gets Omega out of trouble but it’s way too early (despite being twenty two minutes in) for the One Winged Angel. Another chair shot puts Omega down and some not great shots to the back keep him in trouble. Omega has to pull himself up and Jericho is nearly reveling in his pain. Jericho takes too long going up though and a V Trigger knocks Jericho off the top and through the table.

Back in and Omega knees the heck out of him, followed by a double underhook piledriver for a close two. The One Winged Angel is countered into another Walls and then the Liontamer for some extra mustard. Omega crawls over to the ropes and Jericho lets go with no orders from the ref. Two more V Triggers into the One Winged Angel is good for two with Jericho grabbing the rope.

Back up and Jericho is dropped face first onto the top turnbuckle but comes back with a Codebreaker for a delayed near fall. For some reason Jericho decides to lay a chair on Omega, who pops up with a shot to the back. The One Winged Angel onto the chair is enough to finish Jericho off at 34:36.

Rating: C-. And that didn’t work. Between the really stupid rope breaks (Jericho yelled about them earlier and then just let it happen twenty five minutes later), the lack of any, you know, wrestling, the V Triggers going all over the place and Omega not knowing how to do more than about five moves while being treated as some kind of wrestling deity, this was nowhere near as good as it should have been. I’m sure the “real” wrestling fans will drool over the whole thing without seeing what’s right in front of them because they don’t want to look at the actual details. Maybe Jericho can have one more WWE run, but this didn’t help things.

To really sum up the problem with the whole thing, you had Kevin Kelly telling the critics of Kenny Omega where they could go. It’s the standard slurping of the overrated guy who really isn’t as great as he’s built up to be, but that’s almost the case for Japan. Let me guess: 94.75 stars, which will be debated for years because some people saw it as 94.25 stars while King Dave chuckles the whole time? I give it four toasters out of ten lobster specials. Does that count?

Omega is helped out and looked happier than he ever has been over his win.

We recap the IWGP World Title match. Tetsuya Naito won the 2017 G1 Climax Tournament to earn this shot and I think I’ve typed enough now to sell the idea that I gave my actual thoughts on the previous match and wasn’t just putting that to see how many heads I could get to explode. Jericho vs. Omega was an A- with two guys beating the heck out of each other for about five minutes longer than they should have but it was still a blast. They hid Jericho’s physical limitations very well (dude is 47) and had a great match with some nuclear heat (almost Lana levels) from the crowd. Anyway, to continue the charade for those who don’t pay attention: Okada has held the title for a year and the guard needs changing.

IWGP World Title: Kazuchika Okada vs. Tetsuya Naito

Okada is defending but Naito comes out rocking that white suit as only he can. The champ’s entrance shows him flipping a gold coin and walking away, though I’m more curious about why the Japanese title has English writing on its plates. Okada is also wrestling in long pants (not tights) which is a look I’ve never seen from him before. The fans are WAY into this from the bell and the dueling chants begin.

No contact in the first minute and Naito backs up from a lockup attempt. Okada finally gets to him just under two minutes in but Naito dropkicks the knee. Some armdrags have Naito in trouble but he lands in his signature pose for a nice touch. We hit the stall button as you have to guess they have a ton of time here.

Kelly talks about betting sites having the over/under for this match at five stars. As my eyes roll back into my head, I catch a glimpse of Naito elbowing him in the head to take over but getting dropkicked off the top and out to the floor. Ok so my eyes roll rather slowly. Naito comes right back with a neckbreaker over the barricade (Okada has had a bad neck for the better part of a year) but the champ is back in before the twenty count. A missile dropkick gets two and Naito hammers on the head to work over the neck some more.

We hit the cravate to keep the champ in trouble but Okada throws him down and nips up. Okada nails a hanging DDT off the barricade but charges into a reverse DDT onto the knee. A flapjack cuts Naito off again as they’re kind of doing the Bret vs. Shawn formula from Wrestlemania XII with Bret having a planned offense to pick Shawn apart but Shawn making up whatever he’s doing on the fly because he’s just that naturally talented.

It’s WAY too early for the Rainmaker so Okada settles for a cobra clutch instead. Naito can’t flip him away but he can get his foot on the ropes (and now, it actually makes sense). Back up and Naito hits a hanging neckbreaker, followed by a super reverse hurricanrana for the first near fall. A corkscrew moonsault only hits mat though and both guys are down. The battle of the forearms goes to Naito and a Liger kick staggers the champ.

There’s a flying forearm (hey Naito is supposed to be Shawn) but Okada breaks up a superplex. He misses a missile dropkick though and Naito has another opening….which is rapidly closed by a Rainmaker for two. Kelly: “Naito kicked out of the Rainmaker!” Well duh. I mean, it’s the Wrestle Kingdom main event and there’s the whole it’s just a clothesline issue. The tombstone is countered into Destino but Naito is too spent to cover. The slow slugout from their knees goes to a draw so they slug it out on their feet instead.

A hard slap puts Okada down and something like a swinging neckbreaker gets two. Destino is countered into another Rainmaker but Okada picks him up instead of covering. That means another Destino for another two and we keep going. The dropkick into the tombstone looks to set up another Rainmaker but Naito reverses into Destino. He won’t cover though and tries another Destino, only to be reversed into the tombstone. Another Rainmaker actually retains the title at 36:37.

Rating: B+. Uh….ok then. I would have thought this was the biggest layup of the show but Okada winning does have some potential. The key thing here is that while Omega and Naito have failed, whoever finally DOES beat Okada is going to be the biggest kingslayer of all time. It’s an interesting way to go, though it’s also quite risky.

The match itself was quite good, though I really wasn’t feeling some of the drama near the end. I think given how much it seemed Naito was a lock to take the title here, a lot of the near falls didn’t really get me interested. There were some good counters and Naito’s neck stuff all made sense, but it wasn’t up to the highest level in the world. That doesn’t mean it’s not great (it’s just barely into the great level but it’s there) but it needed a little more to get there. Very good match, just lacking some of the emotion that it needed.

Gedo yells at Naito as he stumbles up the ramp. Okada says something to Naito, which seems to be about respect. The champ addresses the fans and since I have no idea what’s being said and since no one translates it, we’ll wrap things up here with me assuming Gedo gave a recipe for Mexican spaghetti while telling Okada they need to buy Christmas ribbons while they’re on sale. Okada likely sang the Kenan and Kel theme song.

Overall Rating: A-. As usual, it’s a heck of a show but this one felt like it was lacking something here and there. The main events were both very strong and there were some other outstanding matches up and down the card. The energy was great throughout and above all else (maybe), the show really didn’t feel that long. This might be the first time I’ve ever knocked the whole thing out in a day and I never felt like it was going on forever, which is almost always the case.

There are some minor problems with the show, including a lack of much feeling like it mattered. The three top titles all stayed with their original holders and there’s really no one fresh left to challenge Okada (you can imagine Omega and Naito getting more shots but we’ve covered both of them rather recently). Ospreay is probably the biggest title change and he held the title as recently as November. Bushi and Evil winning was a cool moment, though I’d hope you can have something a bit more impactful than new Tag Team Champions. Have one of those three big titles change hands and the show feels more important.

Overall, the show was a lot of fun but I don’t think it’s going to be up there on the list of all time greatest Wrestle Kingdoms. There’s a lot of stuff that felt like it was built up to be big but was there to move us forward to something else. That’s not to say it’s a bad idea, though I’d kind of like something to actually feel important at the biggest show of the year. It’s worth seeing, as long as you realize that it’s been done better before.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

What is up with January 4?

http://wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-one-day-january/

When Could Chris Jericho Be Leaving WWE?

http://wrestlingrumors.net/when-could-chris-jericho-be-leaving-wwe/

What Other Gimmicks Were Considered for Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks? December 7, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/what-other-gimmicks-were-considered-for-charlotte-vs-sasha-banks/

Two NXT Tag Team Title Matches Announced. December 8, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/two-nxt-tag-team-title-matches-announced/

Update on the NXT Title Situation. December 8, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/update-on-the-nxt-title-situation/

Ring of Honor Title to be Defended at “Wrestle Kingdom 11.” December 8, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/ring-honor-title-defended-wrestle-kingdom-11/

Vince McMahon Changes Mind on WWE Network. December 8, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/vince-mcmahon-changes-mind-wwe-network/

Two More “Smackdown Live” Wrestlers Injured. December 8, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/two-smackdown-live-wrestlers-injured/

WWE Wishes Legend Happy Birthday, Return Possible? December 9, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/wwe-wishes-legend-happy-birthday-return-possible/

AJ Styles Pulled From More Shows. December 9, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/aj-styles-pulled-shows/

Two TNA Talents Reportedly Gone. December 10, 2016.

http://wrestlingrumors.net/two-tna-talents-reportedly-gone/

Ring of Honor
Date: May 11, 2016
Hosts: Mandy Leon, Kevin Kelly

It’s a special preview show for the Global Wars pay per view which has likely already aired assuming you don’t have this show in syndication. The only match announced for the show is Jay Lethal defending the World Title against the returning Colt Cabana. Aside from that it’s a bunch of Ring of Honor and New Japan stars mixed together for a single show. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Mandy and Kevin welcome us to the show and this really is just going to be one big preview.

We start with a clip from Final Battle where Bobby Fish made Roderick Strong tap but the referee didn’t see it, meaning the title didn’t change. Fish then pestered Strong until Strong lost the title to Tomohiro Ishii. We get a clip of the title change which we saw in full a few weeks back. Then Ishii beat the two of them at the 14^th Anniversary Show, setting up a 2/3 falls match at Supercard of Honor X where Fish beat Strong 2-1.

Next up we have Tetsuya Naito vs. Kyle O’Reilly. Kyle had been in a long feud with Adam Cole, who he finally defeated at Supercard of Honor by choking Cole out with a chain. The clip of the match is the entire preview of this match.

Also at Supercard of Honor, Stokely Hathaway set up a tag match between Kazuchika Okada/Moose vs. Michael Elgin/Hiroshi Tanahashi. This means a clip of the ending of Okada vs. Moose from the Anniversary Show. Again: nothing more than that clip to show respect between the two.

There’s also a fourway tag with the Bullet Club vs. Matt Sydal/Kushida/Motor City Machine Guns. That means a preview by means of Bullet Club (different combination than at Global Wars) vs. Sydal/Kushida/ACH from the Anniversary Show. In other words: that was awesome so now come pay for another version of the same thing.

We actually cover a match with a story. War Machine is defending the Tag Team Titles against the Briscoe Brothers as the Brothers haven’t been around the titles for a long time now and wanted the belts back. That’s not cool with War Machine so it’s time for a rematch from a big match they had a few years back. War Machine has never beaten the Briscoes so there’s quite the backstory here. We get a clip from the two teams fighting back in 2015.

The Briscoes say War Machine can’t call themselves the best until they beat dem boys.

Video on Colt Cabana vs. Jay Lethal, which is either the same video as last week or so close that it doesn’t make a difference.

We get some clips of Cabana’s ROH highlights to show that he is more than just a comedy guy.

In case you haven’t seen enough of Cabana, here’s part of a 2/3 falls match he had against CM Punk on August 13, 2005 at Punk: The Final Chapter.

CM Punk vs. Colt Cabana

Joined in progress with Cabana grabbing a few headscissor takeovers to keep Punk on the mat and drawing a nice round of applause. Back up and Punk tries a monkey flip, only to get stomped on the face so Colt can strut a bit. Punk wants him to be serious for a change but the distraction lets Cabana grab a headlock.

We go old school (in case show a match almost eleven years old isn’t enough for you) with a crisscross. Colt stops and tells Punk to look up. Punk: “No!” Colt: “There’s a bear up there!” Punk: “NO!” Colt stomps on the foot instead and we’re clipped ahead to Colt grabbing a Boston crab as the announcers finally let us know that we’re in the third fall. Punk finally makes the ropes and comes back with a reverse hurricanrana.

We come back from a break with Colt getting in a super reverse DDT and both guys are spent. There’s the Anaconda Vice (or at least a version of it as the arm isn’t tied here) but Colt gets his feet on the ropes. The Pepsi Plunge (Punk’s middle rope Pedigree) is countered into a super Samoan drop but Punk grabs a crucifix for two.

Punk swears at him to start a slugout before kicking away at the leg to set up a Shining Wizard for two. A quick suplex is countered into a rollup to give Colt the pin out of nowhere at about 7:00 shown. I won’t rate the match since it was so clipped but what we saw was fine, for an eleven year old match with almost no connection to anything going on at the moment.

One last rundown of the Global Wars card and we’re off the air after 58 minutes.

Overall Rating: F. Nope. I know what Ring of Honor was going for here but I’m not going to accept this mess. This is the kind of show that should have aired on the website or something but above all else, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN BEFORE THE PAY PER VIEW. It also might have helped if we saw some actual promos or something other than a match that took place nearly eleven years ago. Ring of Honor should be better than this but somehow they managed to mess up what should be the easiest idea in the world. Above all else here, I’m disappointed, which is about the worst thing you can be.

Ring of Honor
Date: April 27, 2016
Location: Korakuen Hall, Tokyo, Japan
Attendance: 1,367
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Mr. Wrestling 3

We’re still in Japan and back in February with more matches from Honor Rising 2016. At this point you almost have to expect Ring of Honor to skip most of the Dallas stuff and just do a new set of TV tapings in May with the New Japan guys again. There won’t be anything major in storyline terms here but hopefully the action will be good. Let’s get to it.

Jay Lethal/Tetsuya Naito vs. Kazuchika Okada/Yoshi-Hashi

Okada is the IWGP World Champion but has since lost the title to Naito, who is kind of a loner, which is why he’s the leader of a stable. Lethal and Okada start things off in what’s actually a pretty cool visual. They trade wristlocks to start as we get the silent treatment (not a bad thing) from the fans. An early Lethal Injection attempt is countered (amazingly enough) but Jay ducks the Rainmaker to get us to a standoff. Naito doesn’t want to tag in and we take a break.

Back with Naito tagging in to jump over the apron and dropkick Naito for two. A quick Codebreaker allows for the tag off to Okada who eats a tornado DDT for his efforts. Lethal adds a roaring elbow but accidentally superkicks Naito (thankfully without a Young Bucks reference), allowing Okada to dropkick him down. The hot (minus the crowd reaction) tag brings in Yoshi for a neckbreaker and Blockbuster for two each. The Book of Truth is brought in to poor results but Naito’s goon Evil (formerly known as Watanabe) shoves Yoshi off the top, setting up the Lethal Injection for the pin at 12:56.

Rating: C+. This was fine and Lethal is really starting to feel like a major player instead of someone in over his head. I’m still not a big fan of the guy but he’s improved by leaps and bounds in the last year or so. Naito was fun to watch but I need to see more of him to get the idea of his whole deal.

Naito reads the Book of Truth and then uses it to pound on Yoshi. Jay shakes his hand post match to imply a future partnership.

Kazarian vs. Kushida

Kushida’s IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title isn’t on the line. It’s a fight over a top wristlock to start as the announcers talk about the referee’s career. Kushida gets in an early Hoverboard Lock but Kazarian bails to the ropes. That’s fine with Kushida as he rides Kazarian on the mat to take us to a break.

Back with Kazarian snapping the throat across the ropes and getting in the slingshot DDT. We hit the choking with Kushida pointing to his throat as he can’t breathe. A Backstabber gets two on Kushida as Kelly says we’ll be seeing more Honor Rising stuff for weeks to come. Kushida gets in a dropkick to send Kazarian out to the floor and there’s a big flip dive to take him out again.

Back in and it’s off to the submission attempts so Kazarian goes American with a rake to the eyes. An electric chair into a rollup gets two as the announcers talk about Japanese baseball. Kazarian loads up the Flux Capacitor (because both of these guys LOVE Back to the Future in a parallel the announcers miss) but Kushida grabs the Hoverboard Lock to slam Kazarian down to the mat. Another Hoverboard Lock makes him tap at 9:37.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I was expecting to but really I just want to go watch Back to the Future. Kushida still doesn’t do much for me and Kazarian hasn’t been the same guy I used to be a fan of back in TNA. I’m also not sure why you wouldn’t make this a title match to add a little spice. The wrestling was fine though.

The Briscoes get into shenanigans on the streets of Tokyo.

Elite vs. ReDRagon/Katsuyori Shibata

Elite is a subset of Bullet Club comprised of Kenny Omega and the Young Bucks because we haven’t seen them enough on the regular shows. The Elite is sent out to the floor and Shibata and Omega fight past the barricade. The Bucks try stereo sunset flips and get caught in matching cross armbreakers. Shibata puts Omega in one as well, only to get powerbombed onto his partners. Omega is left alone in the ring so he dives over the top to take everyone down.

We take another break and come back with the Elite taking turns choking Fish. A tag match breaks out of all the fighting with Nick telling Fish to suck it several times. Bobby suplexes Nick into Matt and makes the tag off to Kyle while Shibata is nowhere to be seen. Chasing the Dragon is broken up and it’s off to Shibata vs. Omega for the big slugout. Shibata gets in a choke and the Bucks can’t break it up.

A double superkick puts him down to one knee and the triple version gets two. Everything breaks down and Omega throws Shibata off a tornado DDT, setting up the superkick party. Everyone kicks everyone until Kyle counters the One Winged Angel into a guillotine choke. Matt sprays something in Kyle’s eyes though and it’s the One Winged Angle to put O’Reilly away at 10:16.

Rating: B-. Best match of the night here as Omega continues to look like a star. Shibata is fine in the Ken Shamrock mold of cyborg submission machine and it’s a good time whenever I get to see the Bucks get beaten up. ReDRagon is still one of the best things about ROH but they’re at the weird point where the Tag Team Titles don’t mean anything to them anymore.

Overall Rating: C. “So you know how we’ve been showing you these matches that don’t mean anything for weeks on end? Well how about paying to see a full pay per view of them?” That’s the WWE style of booking TV to a pay per view and it doesn’t work for either promotion. The limited interest I had in seeing Global Wars and War of the Worlds has been thrown out the window now because I’ve watched these big names for the better part of a month. Where’s the incentive to keep watching and even pay for another show?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of the Intercontinental Title at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01D4D3EGQ

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

This is always a big one.

We’ll start up north with Takeover: Brooklyn which had one of the best one-two main events I’ve ever seen, though Bayley vs. Sasha still should have gone on last. The crowd helped this one a lot as everyone was losing their minds over what they were seeing. It’s a great show and the real main event is probably the match of the year.

There’s also Wrestle Kingdom IX which was the usual stacked New Japan card with one great match after another. The problem here though, as usual, is how long the show is. I really liked the action but they could have cut at least half an hour off. The show was shorter than usual but it still felt long, which isn’t a good thing. This is way up there for the action alone.

Speaking of action we have Ultima Lucha, which combined to go three hours and had some great culminations to some awesome feuds and stories. Believe it or not it was probably the Vampiro match that stole the show with the old retired Vampiro going full on insane one last time before revealing that he had been Pentagon’s master the whole time. The rest of the card is (mostly) awesome and it was a great cap to one of the biggest surprises I’ve ever seen with Lucha Underground.

Now we have one of the usual suspects in Wrestlemania. You can’t have a discussion of major shows without looking at the biggest show of the year and Wrestlemania was a shocking surprise. The thing is, people said that it probably wouldn’t hold up as well on a second viewing and that wound up being the case as the redo dropped a little bit. The thing with Wrestlemania XXXI was how low people’s expectations were coming in. Most people, including myself, thought the show looked like a disaster on paper but it wound up being a really strong outing.

Finally though, there’s Takeover: London. I think the subtitle I used for this show sums it up better than anything else: what a great night of wrestling matches. The worst match on the card was totally fine (Crews vs. Corbin) and the next worse match received a strong B. NXT is the it promotion for a strong card with well built stories that pay off in the end and London might have been the strongest. Anytime you get a Sting vs. Vader story like they had in Bayley vs. Jax, you know you’re in for a good night. This was my favorite big show of the year and I’m almost certain it’s going to have the required staying power.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AXP08DK

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

They’re out again and as usual here are my thoughts on each one of them.  After reading these, I’m very glad I watched Wrestle Kingdom.

Wrestler of the Year – Shinsuke Nakamura

I have a feeling it’s another year of the Japan. I haven’t seen much of Nakamura, but I still go with Seth Rollins over everyone else.

MMA Most Valuable Fighter – Ronda Rousey

I ask this every year and I’ll ask it again: why is a wrestling newsletter giving out MMA awards?

Most Outstanding Wrestling – AJ Styles

I’ve heard a lot of good things about his work, but I’m still not clear how this is different than Wrestler of the Year. And no I’m not asking for an explanation.

Best Box Office Draw – Ronda Rousey

See all my other MMA responses. For actual wrestlers, probably Cena.

Feud of the Year – Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier

Good grief we get it already. For a wrestling feud, eh probably Rollins vs. Ambrose or whatever I picked for my award.

Tag Team of the Year – Young Bucks

I can go with this as it’s not like the Usos were really all that great. It’s a down period for tag teams but there’s some hope on the horizon in the Ascension. Yes I still like them.

Most Improved – Rusev

I believe he means Lana but I’m fine with this one, though again I’d pick Rollins. From the guy considered the weakest of the Shield to top heel in the company? That’s pretty improving.

Best on Interviews – Paul Heyman.

Next.

Most Charismatic – Shinsuke Nakamura

Based on Wrestle Kingdom, I have no issue with this one.

Best Technical Wrestler – Zac Sabre Jr.

I haven’t seen anything of his either.

Best Brawler – Tomohiro Ishii

Yep WWE doesn’t exist this year. Ishii is one of those guys who don’t sell anything and fans write it off as tradition or fighting spirit or whatever else they can come up with as excuse.

Best Flying Wrestler – Ricochet

You might know him better as Prince Puma. No one really springs to my mind to beat him so I can live with this again.

Most Overrated – Kane

How can you be overrated when people think you’re one of the worst wrestlers in the world?

Most Underrated – Cesaro

You mean the guy that everyone raves about? How is that underrated? This award usually comes off like “Most Underutilized” as opposed to the previous one being “Most overused.” I get the idea but the award name is kind of misleading.

Promotion of the Year – New Japan

Yeah probably. WWE had a really, really bad year, at least in the second half.

Best Weekly TV Show – NXT

Now we’re getting the hang of this. I think I’ve made my stance clear on this over the year.

Most Outstanding Fighter – Ronda Rousey

Just stop already. Or go post about it on an MMA site.

Match of the Year – AJ Styles vs. Minoru Suzuki

A Japanese guy who wrestles like an MMA fighter? You know Meltzer is all over that. I’ll still take Zayn vs. Neville for the pure emotion though.

Fight of the Year – Johnny Hendricks vs. Robbie Lawler

Good grief. Next.

Rookie of the Year – Dragon Lee II

This would likely be another guy that only Meltzer has ever seen/heard of unless you watch a bunch of obscure wrestling.

Best Non-Wrestler – Paul Heyman

Just name the award after him already. That’s not meant as an insult.

Best Television Announcer – William Regal

I’d go with Renee Young but Regal is a very close second so I have no complaints.

Worst Television Announcer – JBL

Really? With Cole and Lawler around? Or Matt Striker and Vampiro? JBL is annoying but he’s funny when he gets annoyed about the Bunny.

Best Major Show – G1 Climax 24:Day 7

Wrestlemania just means nothing nowadays does it?

Worst Major Wrestling Show – Battleground

I was going to say Bound For Glory, but there was nothing major about that show. Besides, Battleground was actually a good show with the fourway title match and the awesome Usos vs. Wyatts 2/3 falls match. I don’t see why that show gets so much hatred.

Best Wrestling Maneuver – Meltzer Driver

Ok I totally get why he went with this one.

Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic – WWE Insulting Fans Who Bought PPV

Yep. That made me roll my eyes harder than I have in a long time.

Worst Television Show – Monday Night Raw

Oh come on. Raw was bad but Impact could be unwatchable at times and Smackdown was a waste of air time more often than not.

Worst Worked Match of the Year – Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena – Extreme Rules

CAMERON DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO COVER SOMEONE! My goodness really? I know it was a stretch but the Divas should win this every year.

Worst Feud of the Year – Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella

I think people are sick of me complaining about this feud so I’ll just quickly agree and move on.

Worst Promotion of the Year – TNA

But Impact is still better than Raw or Smackdown? That’s a bit of a stretch.

Best Booker – Gedo and Jado – New Japan

Sure why not.

Promoter of the Year – Dana White – UFC

NEXT.

Best Gimmick – Rusev and Lana

……really? The best gimmick is something that was tired thirty years ago? Ambrose being insane or Mizdow didn’t win here?

Worst Gimmick – Adam Rose

Disagree again. Rose was fine for what he was but then they turned him and killed the potential he had. As for a worst gimmick, probably Cameron’s stuck up girl character, just because she’s so horrible at everything.

Best Pro Wrestling Book – The Death of WCW

I’m going to need an explanation here because this won ten years ago. Revised edition I’m guessing?

Best Pro Wrestling DVD – Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name Is Paul Heyman

I’ve heard great things about this and need to watch it.

Overall, it’s about what I expected: MMA and New Japan dominating everything. Now in this case I’m a bit more understanding as WWE had a very bad year and New Japan is clearly the second biggest promotion in the world. I know Meltzer is very biased towards New Japan and it’s hard to complain about that as it’s going to show up no matter where you go. And yes, I’m aware that Meltzer’s readers do the voting, and if you believe the majority of them aren’t just repeating his views on things, you’re more delusional than Eva Marie about why she has a job. Just get rid of the MMA stuff and these are far more tolerable.

Looking at Japan for once.  Well, at least an Oklahoman commentating on a Japanese PPV.

 

http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-thats-japanese-slobberknocker/31370/

Today’s Wrestler of the Day loves the way Stallone says YO in Rocky: Funaki.

We’ll pick things up at the usually awesome Super J Cup in 1995.

Super J Cup First Round: Sho Funaki vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon seems to be the heel here. He steps on Funaki’s back to start but has to escape a Fujiwara Armbar attempt. Instead Funaki puts on a leg bar to send Dragon rolling out to the apron. A plancha takes Dragon out again and Funaki goes back to the leg. Back up and they slug it out with Funaki taking over again with a headlock. Funaki grabs another leg lock so Dragon slaps him in the face and puts on one of his own.

They keep fighting over the leg locks with Funaki getting the better of it and keeping Dragon on the mat. Dragon grabs his own leg lock at the same time before they both get back up. A botched hurricanrana takes Funaki down and a Lionsault press gets two. No selling of the leg to be found in case you were expecting any for some reason. A fisherman’s buster gets two for Funaki but Dragon pops back to his feet and hits a hurricanrana followed by a DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. When half of the match is spent with both guys working a leg and then both guys popping up for speed and high flying stuff, it’s really hard to care about the first half of the match. They looked like they were setting up something good but it wound up being all for naught because selling didn’t seem to exist here.

Off to the WWF now with one of Funaki’s first matches taking place at In Your House XXII.

Kaientai vs. Taka Michinoku/Justin Bradshaw

Kaientai is a three man team (Dick Togo, Sho Funaki and Mens Teioh) who has been attacking Taka for reasons not quite clear. Bradshaw has befriended the much smaller Taka and is backing him up tonight. The good guys (the two) jump Kaientai to start, sending them out to the floor. Bradshaw launches Taka over the top to take them all out until we get down to Taka vs. Funaki. A clothesline puts Taka down but it’s quickly off to Bradshaw, sending Funaki running to the floor for a conference.

Bradshaw gets tired of waiting and chases everyone around until we get down to Taka vs. Togo. Taka hits a tornado DDT for two but everyone else come in, leading to Bradshaw and Michinoku cleaning house again. Back in and Togo gets a sitout wheelbarrow slam to take over ad it’s off to Teioh. A big boot to the face and a release butterfly suplex gets two on Taka and a cannonball attack off the top puts Taka down again.

We hit the chinlock on Michinoku before a powerslam gets two more. Togo comes in off the top with something resembling a Swanton Bomb before it’s back to Funaki for a sleeper. Kaientai starts cheating again with Teioh distracting the referee so Funaki can put on a camel clutch and Togo can hit a quick dropkick to Taka’s face.

Michinoku finally avoids a charge and makes the hot tag to Bradshaw with the big man cleaning house. Togo hits him low though and Kaientai literally uses Bradshaw as a pedestal to pose. Bradshaw throws them all off and cleans house again but Taka’s Michinoku Driver only gets two on Togo. Teioh and Bradshaw head to the floor, allowing Togo to hit a top rope senton backsplash for the pin on Taka.

Rating: C. This is one of those matches that was better than the crowd reaction would suggest. The fans didn’t quite get this style yet and in an old school town like Milwaukee, the reaction really isn’t surprising. Bradshaw wasn’t much of a factor here but Kaientai bouncing off of him was fun stuff.

Now for a very fun handicap match from Summerslam 1998.

Oddities vs. Kaientai

The Oddities are Golga (Earthquake under a mask), Giant Silva (Great Khali’s size and about a tenth of the skill) and Kurrgan (uh….yeah). Kaientai is a four man heel team here and not the comedy guys they would become in a year or so. Golga starts with Light Heavyweight Champion Taka Michinoku and the big man rams his own head into the buckle for some reason. He shoves down all four members of Kaientai as we’re firmly in comedy match territory.

Golga steals Kaientai’s manager Yamaguchi-San’s shoes and blasts various people with it before it’s off to the dancing Kurrgan. He gets on his knees to fight Funaki in a funny bit before dancing even more. Three of the four Japanese guys swarm Kurrgan to no effect as he cleans house anyway. Yamaguchi-San is shoved down again and it’s off to Silva to clean the little bit of the house which isn’t taken care of yet.

Kaientai gets in a fight over who comes in but it’s Dick Togo (Best name EVER) who gets the job. All four guys come in again but they can’t combine to lift Silva’s legs. Silva sends all four of them into the corner and crushes them at once before Kurrgan comes in to whip one into the other three. Silva throws Taka over the top onto the other three as this is complete dominance. Back in and Golga tries a seated senton on Mens Teioh but Taka and Togo hit a double dropkick to stagger him.

Two members of the team combine to slam him and four straight top rope splashes followed by four straight legdrops get no cover. A quadruple dropkick has Golga in trouble but a quadruple clothesline puts Kaientai down. The hot tag brings in Kurrgan who takes down everyone in sight and hits a wicked side slam on Funaki. Everything breaks down as managers Luna Vachon and Yamaguchi-San get in a fight. A quadruple chokeslam is good for the pin by Golga on everyone from Japan.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing but comedy, it was overly long, Golga is the only Oddity that could do a thing in the ring…..and I can’t help but love the Oddities. There’s just something so innocently goofy about them that I smile every time I see Kurrgan do his dance. The match sucked but it has no expectations coming in so it’s completely harmless.

Funaki wrestled on Raw, May 24, 1999, more commonly known as Raw Is Owen.

Hardy Boys vs. Kaientai

The Hardys don’t mean much at all and are low level heels with Michael Hayes managing them. Kaientai rushes the ring and it’s on fast. Double teaming to Matt as the foreigners take over to start. Swanton Bomb (not called that yet) to the floor to Taka by Jeff as the Hardys have taken over.

Jeff tries a Phoenix Splash (moonsault with a twist into a 450) but eats canvas. Michinoku Driver gets no cover and it’s a double tag. Funaki and Matt hit the floor and Hayes interferes. Taka takes both Hardys out as the crowd isn’t that impressed. And the Twist of Fate ends Funaki. Nothing match so no rating.

Time for some hardcore hijinks at Wrestlemania 2000.

We see a conference with the Hardcore Battle Royal participants. Basically it’s a huge free for all and not a traditional battle royal. There’s a fifteen minute time limit and there can be as many title changes as there needs to be. Basically whoever is the last man standing is champion and the 24/7 rule stops after the last fall.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending coming in. He comes in last and we’re ready to go. Remember there’s a fifteen minute time limit. Everyone else fights to the floor and Taz hits a fast suplex on Crash for the pin ad the title in thirty seconds. So now, only Taz can be pinned for the title. A few seconds later, Viscera hits Tazz with a board and gets the title. Now we move into an extended period of hitting people in the head with whatever objects are handy.

We’ve got thirteen and a half minutes or so to go. Someone uses a box fan on someone else and that’s about the most in depth coverage you’ll be getting here. Everyone jumps Viscera and hits him with whatever they can find. Crash appears to be busted open. The Acolytes double team the champion and the beatings continue on everyone for a bit. Hardcore and Mosh beat Viscera down and get two each.

We’re under ten minutes now and it’s fine extinguisher time. There’s so much stuff going on it’s impossible to call. Viscera heads back into the ring and goes up top (for those of you unfamiliar, Viscera is about Big Show’s size), only to be slammed down by the Acolytes. The APA (Acolyte Protection Agency, same team) breaks a board over his back and Bradshaw hits a top rope shoulder to put him down. For no apparent reason they throw Kaientai on top of Viscera, giving Funaki the belt.

Funaki, apparently the smartest guy in the match, grabs the belt and runs away. Everyone catches up to him in the back with 7:00 left. Rodney gets a fluke pin out of nowhere for the pin, which I believe is the Posse’s first pinfall. Joey suplexes him down and wins the title but Thrasher gets a clothesline and the title. Everyone beats up Thrasher now because its their job and we come into the arena again. Pete Gas hits Thrasher with a fire extinguisher and wins the title.

Taz gets his hands on the champion and brings him back to ringside for a beating. A t-bone suplex puts the bloody Pete down for the pin and the title with….dang it they took the clock down. Hardcore sends Taz into the steps for two before Mosh takes a shot at him. Taz rolls up Mosh for two on instinct alone. Now it’s the Hollys and Taz in the ring and three minutes to go. Crash gets cracked in the head by Taz for two which again means nothing. Hardcore puts Taz down and the cousins fight over a cover. Two minutes left and both Hollies get two off a powerslam by Hardcore.

We’ve got a minute left as Hardcore hits the dropkick for two. The champion hits a suplex on Hardcore to send him outside as Crash hits Taz with a trashcan lid for the title. The Tazmission goes on Crash but Hardcore blasts Taz in the head with a candy jar and covers Crash. The ending is screwed up though as Hardcore was supposed to get two but be stopped by the time.

Instead the referee had to stop counting…but Hardcore wins anyway. It made no sense, but either way the important thing here is Taz actually. That jar was made of real glass and when it shattered, some of it got in Taz’s eye. Allegedly he was supposed to win the Intercontinental Title but the reign went to Benoit instead.

Rating: B-. What do you want me to say about this? It was exactly what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain about it in that regard. They beat the tar out of each other with some funny spots and it was contained in one match instead of a big goofy show long angle like we had two years later. This rating could be all over the place depending on your taste for this stuff.

Same idea at Unforgiven 2000.

Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Al Snow vs. Test vs. Perry Saturn vs. Crash Holly vs. Funaki

This is a Hardcore Invitational which means it’s like Mania 2000: there’s a ten minute time limit and the last person to get a fall over the champion wins the title. Blackman is champion coming in. This was during Snow’s reign as European Champion and what I thought was a hilarious gimmick as he would come out dressed as someone from a different European country every show, in this case Italy, complete with a fish and a portrait of Tony Danza.

They cover the 24/7 rule as that rule is taken away for 24 hours so the champion has a day of rest after the match is over. Everyone goes after Blackman to start and it’s a big mess as you would expect. Saturn takes Trish down and Test is mad. He clocks Saturn so Snow takes Test down with Head. Crash totally botches a rana and is more or less powerbombed. Funaki hits a cross body for two on the champ.

Saturn hits a decent moonsault to take out Crash and Snow on the floor. Everyone is on the floor now with seven minutes to go. Crash and Snow are still in the ring and doing nothing interesting. Test is the only one going after Blackman at this point. Scratch that as Crash gets a shot in and pins him with just over 6 minutes left. He runs down the aisle and right into a trashcan shot by Saturn for the pin. Most of everyone fights into the crowd and Saturn isn’t smart enough to run for the hills.

There isn’t much to say here as everyone is fighting in the same place and there isn’t much to say. With three minutes left everyone is still in the same place they were in a few minutes ago. Saturn and Blackman are at ringside now as is Snow. Saturn is in the ring alone with a stick. Blackman grabs his two sticks while Snow grabs….a pizza box? Snow is back in with two minutes left. Steve gets the kendo stick and beats up everyone, winning the title after a shot to Saturn with it at a minute left. Everyone goes after him but they’re running out of time. Blackman hangs on because no one covers since they’re stupid.

Rating: D. This was boring. At Mania it was at least fun but this had a total of three changes. At Mania there were 11 in just five extra minutes. There was no insanity here and it wasn’t fun at all. That’s not good for a match that is supposed to be designed around total insanity, which this was supposed to be.

Kaientai would become a regular tag team and speak in some usually funny dubbed English voices with Funaki’s only line being a deep INDEED. Here they are on Raw, January 15, 2001.

K-Kwik/Too Cool vs. Kaientai/Tazz

Kwik is commonly known as R-Truth. Some odd pairings here to be sure. Tazz cuts a brief promo. Kaientai’s dubbing gimmick is something I wasn’t a fan of back in the day but now I find it hysterical. Scotty and Funaki start us off. Too Cool hits a Hart Attack of all things. Taka tries a rana but gets caught in a nice sitout powerbomb by Grandmaster. Tazz surprisingly does the worst of his team as Truth comes in. The Worm hits Tazz but after Funaki interference the Tazmission beats Truth.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here in the slightest. It was a quick six man tag to fill in a spot on the card. Tazz would be face by Mania and I have no interest in the other five guys here. Yeah there really isn’t much else to say about this match is there? Why was this on the card again?

And again on Raw, April 23, 2001.

Kaientai vs. Right to Censor

Goodfather/Buchanan this time. The Japanese guys head to the back to get John Elway jerseys to make the crowd love them. They still can’t quite get the lip synching thing right. Paul: “Their lips don’t match!” Jim: “Get out of here!” Another good one: Jim: “The RTC is on a bad losing streak. It’s almost as bad as my broadcast partner’s losing streak with women.” This commentary is on tonight. The RTC fights them off early but it breaks down fast. Buchanan gets crotched but manages to catch a diving Taka. Funaki dropkicks Taka down onto Buchanan and hooks the foot for the surprise pin. This was again nothing.

Time to hit the syndicated shows with Metal on January 26, 2002.

Funaki vs. Perry Saturn

Saturn gets rolled up for a pair of twos to start and Funaki nails him with a low dropkick to the head. Things slow down a bit as Saturn takes a breather, only to come back with a superkick for two. Funaki gets hammered even more and sent flying with an overhead belly to belly. A quick Majistral cradle gets two on Saturn and Funaki follows it up with a high cross body. Coach and Kelly are talking about racism and dancing the Charleston before Funaki gets caught in a kneeling shoulder hold (called the Rings of Saturn here but not the traditional hold) for the submission.

Rating: D. They knew they were on a show no one was going to watch here and wrestled accordingly. This was a glorified squas that just kept going despite it not having any real interest. Saturn is a guy that can go when he’s motivated but that certainly wasn’t the case here. Is it any real surprise that he was gone in a few months?

He would get a singles match at Rebellion 2002.

Funaki vs. Crash Holly

See what I mean about not the most interesting matches? This is Crash’s UK debut apparently. The fans are WAY behind Funaki here. Fast start which doesn’t really get us anywhere. Crash pulls out a Japanese flag (called the British flag by the idiotic announcers) bandana and it’s a kung fu match apparently.

Crash takes over and we hit the chinlock. This show is getting very boring very quickly indeed. Apparently the winner of this might get a Cruiserweight Title shot. Both get rollups for two. Crash attempts an Oklahoma Roll but Funaki lays down on him and gets the pin. This was another rather short match with nothing special about it at all.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match or anything but sweet goodness this has been a boring show and this match didn’t help it. The problem is that there’s no point to this and it’s nothing but filler and everyone knows it. Not a bad match or anything like I said but it would be nice to have something actually matter.

Time for a tag match on Smackdown, April 3, 2003.

Tajiri/Funaki vs. Team Angle

Haas and Benjamin are Tag Team Champions but this is non-title. The champions clean house to start and Benjamin offers a mock bow to Funaki. Tajiri comes in for some jumping jacks and makes things even worse for his partner. A hard double back elbow puts Funaki down and Haas tells him to tag his partner. Tajiri cleans house with his kicks to the face but Charlie takes him down with a belly to back suplex for two.

Benjamin jumps over Haas’ back to land on Tajiri for two more and we hit the Boston Crab. Funaki finally makes a save so Tajiri can hit a double handspring elbow to put the champions down. A hot tag brings in Funaki for some chops and a high cross body for two on Haas. Everything breaks down and Shelton charges into the Tarantula. Haas escapes the tornado DDT though and Benjamin chop blocks Funaki, setting up the Haas of Pain for the submission.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here even though I like most of the guys in the match. Funaki didn’t do much in this one and it brought the match down a little bit. Haas and Benjamin were fresh off keeping the titles at Wrestlemania and needed a new team to beat up so why not go the ethnic route?

Back to the hardcore days at Vengeance 2003.

Bar Room Brawl

Shannon Moore, Doink the Clown, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brother Love, Nunzio, Matt Hardy, Chris Kanyon, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, The Easter Bunny, Sean O’Haire, John Hennigan, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Los Conquistadores, The Brooklyn Brawler, Johnny Stamboli, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Cappotelli, and Spanky.

There’s a bar set up in the arena and we’re just going to fight in there. Los Conquistadores are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter in case you’re wondering. Aaron Stevens is the Easter Bunny. He was on Smackdown for a cup of coffee as Idol Stevens in like 05 or 06. McCool managed him. John Hennigan is more commonly known as John Morrison, and this Doink is played by Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore.

In essence, this is a big OVW party as a ton of these guys were in OVW at the time. Most of the jobbers don’t get intros. Spanky is up on the bar dancing. Bradshaw says the rules are that the last man drinking wins as we’re testing the toughness and their livers. Ok that’s creative. Brother Love wants to pray before we start. Naturally it’s just a massive fight with no rhyme or reason to it. The Easter Bunny is drinking bears and getting punched. This is wrong.

O’Haire beats the APA up with pool cues. This is idiotic. Brother Love beats up Shannon Moore. I’d think that sums up why no one buys him. The Easter Bunny goes through a window. A bunny watching this would be traumatized for life. Hardy can’t break a table which is kind of funny.

There’s nothing of any kind of logic going on here at all. Funaki passes out from beer. Bradshaw beats up Brother Love and I guess that gives him the win. He’s the last man standing even though Farroorq is standing next to him.

Rating: N/A. This was a waste of about 5 minutes. Moving on.

We’re going to jump a good bit ahead for a glorified thank you at Armageddon 2004.

Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley

Funaki won a battle royal on Thursday to set this up. Spike is heel here. Technical stuff to start with Funaki working on the arm a bit. Funaki gets him to the floor and hits a baseball slide for two. Funaki slams him off the top and gets a low dropkick for two. Spike goes up and is caught rather quickly with Funaki trying to suplex him down to the floor. That of course fails so Spike lifts him up and drops him down off the top and onto the floor.

That and a running knee strike get two. With Funaki on his knees Spike throws on an abdominal stretch. Fireman’s carry into a gutbuster gets two for Spike and now to the stretch again. The fans flat out do not care. Funaki makes a comeback and gets Spike in the Tree of Woe and gets a double stomp off the top in the same move, actually waking the crowd up a bit.

Funaki makes his comeback, hitting a bulldog and a shoulder-ziguri for two. Spike misses a charge in the corner and Funaki goes up and still no one cares. Top rope cross body gets two. Tornado DDT is reversed and Spike gets a headbutt to the ribs to take him down. They totally butcher a pinfall reversal sequence and Funaki gets down in time for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Just boring beyond belief here with no one caring in the slightest. Weak match overall as no one wanted to see this match, let alone in the second biggest spot of the entire card. Really didn’t like this, although it did manage to make me doze off for a bit which is a good thing indeed.

Time to put someone over on Smackdown, August 25, 2005.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Funaki

This is Kennedy’s Smackdown debut. Kennedy grabs the mic before the match and doesn’t buy Funaki as Smackdown’s #1 announcer in a cute line. Kennedy shoves him into the corner to start but walks into a right hand and gets armdragged down into an armbar. Funaki misses a cross body though and goes crashing out to the floor. Mr. misses a kind of running stomp but counters a tornado DDT by crotching Funaki on the top rope. The rolling fireman’s carry from the middle rope is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. Decent debut here but the fireman’s carry looked like something that was setting up a bigger move. That’s the problem with Kennedy’s early days: it took him a long time to pick a finisher until he settled on the Mic Check and it made him seem like he didn’t know how to end a match.

Funaki would be put into the Cruiserweight Title hunt again, starting at Royal Rumble 2006.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

And again at Great American Bash 2007.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki

It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.

Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.

Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.

Here’s one of his less competitive matches on Smackdown, March 21, 2008.

Kung Fu Naki vs. Edge

Edge is World Heavyweight Champion but this is of course non-title. Feeling out process to start with Edge quickly snapmaring him down and smirking. Edge gets bored with the easy stuff and kicks Funaki’s head off to put him into the corner. A swinging neckbreaker drops Funaki again and Edge slowly punches him around the ring. The spear connects out of nowhere but Edge pulls him up at two. Instead he tombstones Funaki to send a message to the Undertaker before this Sunday’s Wrestlemania.

Rating: D. This was more story development than a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Edge beating up Funaki is fine and doesn’t hurt anyone so why not do something like this? The wrestling didn’t need to mean anything and Funaki was treated like the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed. In other words, he made the champ look good like he was supposed to.

We’ll wrap up Funaki’s WWE run with this match on Smackdown, January 30, 2009. Funaki is now Kung Fu Naki, who had one of the most awesome theme songs ever.

Umaga vs. Kung Fu Naki

Funaki walks into a superkick, gets crushed with the hips in the corner, and Samoan Spiked for the pin.

One more match at TNA One Night Only: World Cup of Wrestling with Funaki being brought in as a member of Team International.

Doc/Knux (Aces and 8’s) vs. Funaki/Petey Williams (International)

Funaki gets thrown into the corner and stomped down during the entrances to give the bikers an early advantage. Doc gets things going against Funaki and the dominance begins quickly. Funaki is dragged into the heel corner and it’s off to Knux for some clubbing forearms and more double stomping. Some right hands have no effect on Knux but Funaki keeps swinging and actually staggers Doc. The bikers easily break up the tag attempt though with Doc taking Funkai down to the mat in a leg lock.

The slow beating continues and there’s not much to talk about here. It’s the same power offense over and over again on Funaki as we’re over five minutes into this. Funaki’s sunset flip is easily blocked but Knux sits on the mat instead of Funaki’s chest. The hot tag is broken up again though as the beatdown continues. Knux puts on a front facelock and we get the unseen tag for old times’ sake. Funaki stops a charging Doc with a boot in the corner but his tornado DDT is broken up.

An enziguri is FINALLY enough for the hot tag to Williams as things speed up. Petey headscissors Knux into 619 position and dropkicks him in the back as everything breaks down. A running DDT gets two on Knux and Petey low bridges Doc to the floor. Funaki gets two on Doc off a cross body but Knux comes back in with a hammer shot to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring as it ran nearly fifteen minutes with about twelve of those being spent on a long Funaki heat segment. It doesn’t help that the small guys have never teamed together that I know of and are facing a regular team. Nothing to see here and WAY too long on top of that.

Funaki is a guy that was never going to be considered anything serious and there’s nothing wrong with that. You knew he was going to job 95% of the time but it was really nice to see a title reign as kind of a thank you. He was watchable in the ring and had some funny bits at times, so what more can you ask for? Funaki was a decent guy indeed.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today is old 8 3/8 himself, Albert.

Albert got his start back in 1998 and, after some work in OVW, debuted in the WWF in 1999. We’ll pick things up at the 1999 Survivor Series.

Big Show vs. Mideon/Viscera/Big Boss Man/Prince Albert

This was supposed to be Big Show and Kaientai and Blue Meanie but Show beat them up so he could do this himself. This is during Boss Man vs. Big Show, which is based around Boss Man making fun of Show for having his dad die (kayfabe). It led to a bad moment at a “funeral” where Boss Man stole the coffin and dragged Show along the ground on top of the coffin with a car. Show chokes Albert to the floor and chokeslams Mideon for the pin in less than 20 seconds. Albert is gone 10 seconds later to a chokeslam, as is Big Visc. Boss Man is like screw this and walks out. Show wins in less than 90 seconds.

Let’s try a bit longer match, from Smackdown on January 13, 2000.

Hardy Boys vs. Big Bossman/Prince Albert

This is before Lita joined the team so it’s Terri with them here. Albert is currently known as Tensai. He and Jeff get us going with Jeff having to evade a lot. Off to Matt for some successful double teaming on the current Japanese enthusiast. Albert gets Matt up for a spinning rack neckbreaker and it’s off to Bossman. He beats Matt down even more and kidnaps Terri which goes nowhere. Everything breaks down and Jeff avoids a charging Albert, sending him into Bossman. Albert and Bossman had been arguing a lot lately so while they fight some more, Jeff dropkicks Bossman into Alberto and rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here really but it was all about splitting up Albert and Bossman for good, which needed to be done. Bossman would do nothing of note while Albert would join T&A which gave us some very hot shots of Trish Stratus. The match was nothing of note though and was just there as a means to an end.

We’ll head back to PPV now with Backlash 2000 as Albert is now part of T&A with Test.

T&A vs. Dudley Boys

Brawl to start of course and Bubba chases Trish around on the floor. Albert and D-Von get us going with the future Japanese bore taking control. D-Von takes him down for two and I have no idea who the faces are and who the heels are here. Off to Bubba who takes his head off with a clothesline. That and an elbow drop both get two. Off to D-Von and the Dudleys hit a double suplex and the yet to be named What’s Up.

Albert comes back with a bicycle kick and it’s off to Test. Double splashes in the corner get two on D-Von. I could listen to Bubba Dudley yell from an apron all day. I’d get pretty bored but I certainly could do it. The big evil (I think?) ones double team D-Von. Albert slams Test onto D-Von and shouts to TESTIFY TO THAT. Bubba: “SHUT UP!” The fans of course want tables but D-Von gets a neckbreaker on Test instead.

The referee misses the tag to Bubba and the beating continues. Albert hits his slingshot into the bottom rope for two. A sunset flip out of nowhere gets two for D-Von, but he’s quickly powerbombed for the same. The fans want tables and Trish isn’t sure what to think. Albert goes up but Bubba distracts him, allowing D-Von to hit a superplex and make the hot tag.

Reverse 3D (called the 3D by JR of course) gets two. Baldo Bomb kills Bubba but D-Von pulls him away from the big elbow. The Dudleys load up the REAL 3D (as in Bubba gets a running start) but Trish offers a distraction by taking her jacket off and shaking her hips. Keep in mind that this is before Trish let herself go in 2001/2002, and yes I said that right. That lets Test kick Bubba’s head off for the pin.

Rating: D+. Anything with Trish in hot pink shorts and shaking her hips is never a bad thing. The match however was pretty bad, but the whole point was the post match stuff. Also the Dudleys were more or less turned face in this match due to the fans loving hot women being put through tables for some reason.

Time for a six man tag on Raw, June 5, 2000.

Rikishi/Too Cool vs. T&A/Val Venis

Too Cool are tag team champions here. That’s one of the great things about this time period: Too Cool got WAY over while feuding with the Radicals over the spring and the company saw potential in them. Instead of jobbing them out for months, they gave them the tag titles at the end of May as a reward, while also giving them extra credibility. Today you would see them jobbed out in stupid comedy matches or left off television entirely for getting over against the writers’ wishes. I mean, why would you want to have the wrestlers get over themselves, therefore doing the writers’ work for them?

Test and Scotty start things off with Mr. Hotty clotheslining Test down and bringing in Grandmaster for their double elbow. Albert (Tensai) comes in and tries to ram Grandmaster into the buckle but pulls his hat off instead. A middle rope dropkick puts Albert down and it’s off to Val vs. Rikishi, but the other big men triple team the Samoan down. Albert tries a sunset flip but Rikishi sits his 400lbs down on his chest. Everything breaks down and Scotty hits the Worm on Test, followed by the Hip Hop Drop (top rope legdrop) but there’s no referee. In the confusion, Val hits Grandmaster with a title belt for the pin.

Rating: D. This didn’t do anything for me although I forgot how stunning Trish was at this point. I’m also not clear on the reason behind having Too Cool win the titles last week and then lose in a six man here. The match wasn’t much but it would set up two different feuds in the future so it’s not all bad.

Back to Backlash as Albert is now part of the X Factor team.

Dudley Boys vs. X-Factor

Six man tag here with all three Dudleyz vs. X-Pac, Credible and Albert. Dang they go from one of the most famous tag matches ever to a six man opening a PPV four weeks later. Brawl to start with the Dudleys clearing the ring. They launch Spike onto Pac and Credible on the floor which is always fun. Spike and Credible start us off with Spike getting a crucifix for two.

Off to Albert who counters the Dudley Dog to take over. Back to Justin and the white socks of fear. Powerbomb out of the corner gets two as this crowd is red hot. Double tags bring in D-Von and Pac and Albert cheats, allowing Pac to kick D-Von’s head off to take over again. X-Factor minus Pac puts D-Von’s balls against the post as this is a rather fast paced match.

Pac gets two off a legdrop and we hit the chinlock. D-Von tries a comeback but walks into a Boss Man Slam to keep him down. Off to Albert who hits a pretty sweet delayed butterfly suplex for two. After a double clothesline it’s hot tag Bubba who cleans house on all three guys. What’s Up to Justin and it’s table time. Albert kills D-Von though and the distraction allows Credible and Pac to hit a double superkick on Bubba for the pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid opener here with some fast paced stuff. They got the crowd into the show (ok so this is Chicago so it’s not like it was that hard) and the ending worked. Nothing wrong with having heels win the opener as the match was good enough to get the fans over it. Also the lack of feud prevents the whole emotional damage.

Albert would get in on the InVasion and took the Intercontinental Title from Kane in a match that is hard to find in full. Here’s a defense from Raw on July 9, 2001.

Intercontinental Title: Rhyno vs. Albert

Slugout to start (I’m as shocked as you are) with Rhyno stomping the champ down into the corner. Pac runs in while Albert has the referee and superkicks Rhyno for two. Rhyno manages to get in a shot to buy himself some time and they slug it out for a bit. Belly to back suplex and a top rope splash combine for two. The Gore misses though and the Baldo Bomb is countered. Pac comes in and gets Gored. The distraction lets a bicycle kick keep the title on Albert.

Rating: D+. Back to back power matches probably isn’t a good idea but it wasn’t all that bad. Albert is a guy that was on the roll of his life at this point but soon enough he’d be just another guy in the Alliance war. Not much to see here but they were at least trying to make a new star with him as he beat up various power guys.

Albert would appear on the post 9/11 episode of Smackdown.

X-Factor vs. APA

X-Factor is X-Pac and Albert. Pac has the Light Heavyweight and Cruiserweight Titles. Pac vs. Farrooq to start us off with the tiny guy getting hammered down very quickly. Pac gets some kicks in and here’s Bradshaw, making the tiny guy run. Off to Albert vs. Bradshaw and down goes Albert to a big boot. JR talks about dipping Bradshaw’s fist in barbecue sauce.

Vader Bomb by Albert misses and it’s off to Simmons. BIG bicycle kick takes his head down as JR is planning a road trip with Heyman to Oklahoma. Spinebuster takes Pac down and it’s back to Bradshaw vs. Albert. Fallaway Slam sends X-Pac flying. Albert misses a splash and the Clothesline From JBL (complete with a Hook Em Horns sign) ends this with relative ease.

Rating: C-. Pretty weak match but the commentary was hilarious. I have no idea if they were talking in code or if this was just random chatter to fill in time but it cracked me up. JR can be funny when he’s not taking himself far too seriously. The APA was far past their prime here but they could still fight.

Another tag team match at Vengeance 2001.

Albert/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Christian/Test

GO BACK TO THE OLD GUYS! Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at the moment. Egads. They aren’t the Unamericans yet. And the Heat match was the APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Why can’t we see that instead? You know these reviews aren’t really as angry as they used to be. Granted that could be because these shows are far less insulting to my intelligence. They may be weaker shows but they’re competent at least which is more than a lot of shows give you.

Christian is European Champion at the time. Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at this point. Take me now. And remember people: this guy was INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION. He was one of those guys that always seemed like was on the verge of a big push but it never happened. Lawler makes some bad jokes about potential names for the faces. He’s just making this more painful if that’s somehow possible. Wow it’s weird seeing Teddy Long as a worthless referee.

Far more used to him being a useless GM. Scotty and Test work the majority of this match for reasons that completely elude me. Oh look it’s Albert vs. Christian rather than Test vs. Albert, as in you know, FORMER TAG PARTNERS FIGHTING. I guess that would make too much sense. We get a Giant Swing and a Don Leo Jonathan reference. Wow indeed. Albert just massacres both heels.

With some tweeking to his gimmick, he could have been passable. And now Christian does the Worm. We get a surprisingly decent sequence as Scotty is down. And of course we get the Worm. These kinds of moves are just stupid. A simple bulldog keeps Test down for about 20 seconds which it takes for the setup for it? See why that’s idiotic? Baldo Bomb, a two handed chokeslam into a powerbomb, ends it. It actually got a pop.

Rating: D. Just…why? What in the world was the point of having this match on PPV? This was something that belonged on Velocity or Heat or something like that. It was as generic as you could ask a match to be also. This was just a head scratcher and not that good, especially on a pay per view.

Albert spent a lot of time on the low level weekend shows in 2002. We’ll pick things up at Armageddon 2002 with Albert now known as A-Train.

Edge vs. A-Train

A-Train is freshly renamed here. I think this is Survivor Series fallout. Oh never mind. Actually it was an attack on Smackdown as A-Train is trying to get noticed I guess. Edge has a torn MCL which doesn’t need surgery. A-Train also injured Rey and put him out so this is also a revenge match. Train takes over with power to start but gets sent into the post shoulder first. Edge goes for the knee of course but you can’t do everything right I guess.

Train gets a powerslam for two and the power beating is on. Off to the chinlock as I guess three minutes of action was too much for Train. Edge hammers him into the corner but can’t get very far with it. After a near fall Edge hits a pretty cool move with a spinning Edge-O-Matic off the middle rope. Something off the top jumps into a bicycle kick so Train goes for a chair. That fails and a top rope cross body gets two. Chokebomb gets two. Train grabs the chair again but a spear hits him, surprisingly only for two. And never mind as a chair to the bad knee of Edge ends this in a DQ.

Rating: D+. WWE was in a weird place here as the Smackdowns were incredibly and were giving up 10-15 minute awesome matches so they had to have matches like these somewhere. Pretty much nothing here as Train was awful as usual and Edge was good but not a miracle worker. The ending sucked too.

A-Train would hook up with Big Show to try and end Undertaker’s Streak at Wrestlemania XIX.

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Taker avoids a sneak attack to start and hits a quick chokeslam on A-Train for two. Big Show pulls him to the floor though and will be starting it seems. Taker has to fight out of the wrong corner and it’s quickly off to A-Train. The dead man busts out a LEAPFROG of all things before taking A-Train down with a back elbow. Old School hits but Taker has to punch Big Show instead of covering.

The Derailer (chokebomb) puts Taker down and Big Show rams him into the post for good measure. Back in and A-Train hits a slingshot into the middle rope for two. Big Show comes in again and all Taker can do is throw desperate right hands. A Big Show chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara Armbar of all things but A-Train comes in to break it up. Taker throws him in a cross armbreaker but Big Show legdrops him to take control.

Off to an abdominal stretch by Big Show to slow things down a bit. A-Train adds in some cheating before coming in for an abdominal stretch of his own. Now Taker counters into one of his own to complete the set (You can own them all!), only to have A-Train hip toss his way out of it. A-Train clotheslines him down and talks some LOUD trash before Taker comes back with right hands. A running DDT gets two for Taker but it’s back to Big Show.

Taker is like screw this defense stuff and pounds away on Big Show in the corner before running across the ring over and over for clotheslines to both guys. The jumping clothesline puts Show down but a bicycle kick from A-Train puts him down all over again. There’s a Big Show chokeslam but here’s Nathan Jones in the aisle to knock out Big Show with a spin kick. Jones come in and kicks A-Train down, setting up the Tombstone to continue the Streak.

Rating: C. Another not bad match here with Taker doing what he could with two guys this size. It was kind of slow, but there’s only so much you can do with this kind of a clash of styles and no partner for the Dead Man. While definitely not memorable or anything, it did well enough at what it was supposed to do, bad musical number aside.

We’ll wrap up the first WWE run at No Mercy 2003.

A-Train vs. Chris Benoit

A-Train got probably the biggest push of his career at this point as he was in the midcard. This would more or less be the last part of said push. Tazz: “They love pierced nipples in Denmark.” Benoit tries to go for the knee but A-Train runs him over with the power. Train throws him to the floor again and Benoit isn’t sure what to do with him. A-Train takes over again and pounds him down, hitting a splash for two.

We talk about Stu Hart dying three days before this as A-Train stomps away even more. Cole praises him as he always does while Train pounds on Benoit’s neck in the corner. He hits that slingshot into the middle rope move he used most of the time to further work on Benoit’s neck. Train loads up a Pedigree grip but lifts Benoit into the air and drives Benoit’s head into his knee, getting two and a busted mouth for the Wolverine.

Benoit fires back but Train rams him down with a double ax to the chest. Off to a bow and arrow hold but Benoit speeds things up and hits a DDT to slow the Train down. In a big change of pace, the American hits a German on the Canadian to put him down. A-Train goes to the floor and pulls in a chair. Train tries something on Benoit but Benoit tries to slide down into a sunset flip. Instead, Benoit falls and lands ON HIS HEAD on the chair. FREAKING OW MAN!!!

Benoit grabs the Crossface but A-Train counters. Instead it’s Rolling Germans time but A-Train gets up and slams him off the top to counter the Swan Dive. The bald one mocks the Benoit throat slit signal and looks to go up. He realizes how crazy that would be and comes down for a Derailer (chokebomb) instead. That only gets two so he loads up the bicycle kick. He kicks through the chair in the corner though, making Benoit dragon screw him and the Sharpshooter gets the tap.

Rating: C. This was better than I would have expected, but then again it’s Benoit against a big monster. That’s probably what he’s second best at and it worked well here. A-Train wouldn’t mean anything after this and after Benoit took everything he had, I can’t say I disagree with that. Decent match but I’m not sure it belonged on PPV.

A-Train would head to Japan in 2005 and call himself Giant Bernard. We’ll pick things up in NJPW on May 3, 2006.

IWGP World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Giant Bernard

Brock is defending and is wearing red for some reason. Bernard powers him into the corner but gets caught in a headlock for his efforts. They stare each other down and Bernard takes Brock’s head off with a clothesline. Another one puts the champion on the floor but he sends Bernard face first into the post. Back in and Brock stomps away but Bernard takes him down and drives in forearms to the head.

Lesnar works on a Fujiwara Armbar before muscling him over in a belly to belly. Brock follows him to the floor but gets knocked off the apron coming back in. Back in and Brock puts on the armbar again before driving pounding with forearms in the corner. Bernard comes back with some shoulders to the ribs and a Baldo Bomb for two. A big boot drops Lesnar again and a Vader Bomb gets two. The F5 is countered and Bernard nails a German suplex for two. Brock is all like, THIS IS HOW YOU DO A GERMAN and even plants Bernard with a DDT. They slug it out and Lesnar muscles him up for the F5 to retain.

Rating: C. Nice power brawl here but Bernard wasn’t much better than he was over in America. This was an awkward period for Lesnar as he didn’t look as dominant as he did in WWE and wasn’t the superstar he would become later. He looked decent but it didn’t have anywhere near the fire that he was known for.

Here’s another big Japan match from February 15, 2009.

Giant Bernard vs. Kurt Angle

Bernard throws him down to start so Angle tries right hands to the jaw. That earns him another shove to the floor so Angle can have a breather. Back in and he kicks at Bernard’s knee but gets throw right back across the ring. Bernard chokes a lot and Bernard’s partner Tomko trips Angle up. Someone that looks like Karl Anderson chases Tomko off and they head back out to the floor so Angle can be sent into the barricade.

Back in and a delayed vertical suplex gets two for Bernard and we hit the choking again. Angle gets thrown to the mat one more time and a splash gets two. Bernard hooks a bodyscissors on Angle before choking even more. Kurt rolls to the apron and gets suplexed back in. We hit the bearhug for a bit before Bernard’s Vader Bomb hits knees. Angle rolls some Germans but walks into the Baldo Bomb for two.

Bernard kicks out of the ankle lock but gets caught in the Angle Slam for two. Angle misses the moonsault and another Baldo Bomb gets two. Back to the ankle lock but Chono and Anderson get in a fight on the floor for a distraction. Anderson comes in but accidentally kicks Bernard, allowing the Angle Slam and ankle lock to make Bernard tap.

Rating: C. This was basically a Bernard squash until the last few minutes. Angle was doing all his old favorites here and it was already getting old at this point. Bernard still doesn’t feel like anything interesting and more like the same guy he was in America but having longer matches. Not bad here but nothing great.

We’ll jump ahead a few years to another big match for Bernard, though this time as part of a tag team. From Wrestle Kingdom V on January 4, 2011.

IWGP Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Bad Intentions vs. Muscle Orchestra

You know Beer Money. Muscle Orchestra is a pair of very big guys with big muscles, and Bad Intentions are the champions and are comprised of Karl Anderson, a member of the Anderson family allegedly, and Giant Bernard, more commonly known as Albert/A-Train. JB does the intros here. The Muscle Orchestra is Strong Man (why give him a fancy name I guess?) and Manabu Nakanishi. Strong Man is American so this one is easy.

Bad Intentions have guns with them. Well that’s certainly different. Both are Americans also. Beer Money jumps them as they get into the ring and the brawl is on early. Champions vs. Muscle Orchestra now as there are a lot of F Bombs being audibly dropped. Beer Money back in as the champions are down. Storm gets a Codebreaker to Strong Man and then an assisted plancha to the same guy.

Anderson gets a big tope con hilo to take out Storm and the other muscle guy. Bernard (called A-Train to help my memory) teases a dive but Nakanishi gets a press slam out of the corner on him. That was very impressive. I have no idea what the tagging rules are here. Both of Beer Money is in there at the same time and it seems to be ok. Storm chokes Anderson with the wrist tape to take over and be heel here.

Total dominance by the TNA guys here. Double suplex gets no cover and it’s time for BEER MONEY! In an awesome moment, A-Train gets up, shouts (and remember his big voice) a very bad word and kills them with a double clothesline. A big boot to Roode would work much better if it clearly didn’t miss by almost a foot. A splash to Storm gets two.

Train is killing it in there. He’s beating up Beer Money on his own. Double teaming takes him down though and Anderson has to make the save. Out of nowhere Nakanishi takes down Roode with a top rope dropkick. Strongmen vs. Beer Money now. The muscleheads seem to be the fan favorites here. The Muscle Orchestra (awesome name) gets matching Torture Racks on the champions.

German by the Japanese guys gets two as Storm saves. DWI on said Japanese guys gets two as Anderson saves. Another very bad word results in Train getting a double splash in the corner. Double team DDT by Beer Money takes down Anderson for two. It’s beer bottle time but Anderson ducks. Anderson gets a move that we completely don’t see but apparently he uses a Diamond Cutter at times so we’ll say it was that, to pin Roode to retain.

Rating: C. Another fun match, but we need to get to some meat here. The lack of tagging hurt it here as this was completely insane the entire time. It’s a fun match, but at times you want something more than two guys double teaming and then a save for 9 minutes. Still though, decent stuff but too much of an insane match for my taste.

It was back to WWE soon after this as Tensai, a guy who used to wrestle in Japan. He was off to a hot start though, including this match on Raw, April 16, 2012.

John Cena vs. ???

It’s Lord Tensai and this is Extreme Rules. Cena grabs a quick suplex but Tensai beats him up. Cena’s shorts look a little shorter here. A corner splash puts Cena on the floor and Tensai puts him into the steps. A powerbomb on the floor is countered and Cena gets the steps. Tensai’s dude drills Cena with kicks and Otunga throws him back in. Butterfly suplex gets two.

Tensai hooks a nerve hold but Cena fights back. Cena hits his usual stuff but when he loads up the Shuffle, Tensai pops up and chops Cena down. Backsplash gets two. Tensai drops a leg on the arm and puts on a Fujiwara Armbar. Sweet goodness there’s some crank on that thing. Cena rolls through into a crossface (called the STF by Cole) and Otunga runs in. There’s an AA for him but Cena walks into green mist and a Baldo Bomb for the pin at 7:00.

Rating: D+. At the end of the day, he’s Albert in red trunks. That doesn’t make him interesting or anything like that. It makes him slow and not someone that I want to watch. I don’t see the logic in having Cena lose AGAIN before a major showdown with Brock, but to be fair he can lose a few matches and not lose any credibility.

And this one on May 7, 2012.

CM Punk vs. Lord Tensai/Daniel Bryan

No entrances for the heels to save some time. Tensai starts off and uses the power to put Punk down. Off to Bryan who gets a reaction from the crowd. He fires off the kicks to the chest and shouts YES on each one. Punk escapes a suplex and rolls him up for two. They cross body each other and both guys are down. Tensai comes in for more power and they head to the floor with Punk’s back going into the post.

Back in now and it’s time for a Japanese nerve hold. Backsplash gets two and it’s off to Bryan but the Swan Dive misses. Bryan reaches for a tag but gets caught in a slingshot. Punk makes what I guess you can call a comeback with a neckbreaker. The knee and bulldog combination actually works and it’s GTS time. Bryan escapes and tags in Tensai who clotheslines Punk’s head off very slowly. GTS to Tensai is countered but Punk manages the high kick. Tensai’s dude gets up for a distraction and Bryan crotches Punk. The chokebomb is totally messed up and the Mist Claw with the legsweep gets the pin at 6:54.

Rating: C. Tensai is boring and that’s all there is to it. The guy just isn’t an interesting wrestler and no matter how Japanese they make him it’s not going to happen. He’s big and slow with a bad finisher in the claw. Use the chokebomb (if you can do it right) and be a monster like you look like. Punk vs. Bryan is going to be good.

That would be about it for Tensai meaning anything so we’ll pick stuff up on Raw, April 22, 2013.

Tensai vs. Cody Rhodes

Tensai throws Cody around to start and drops him with a right hand to the face. A delayed double underhook suplex gets two for Tensai but Cody comes back with a neckbreaker and a front facelock. The Disaster Kick gets two and it’s back to the front facelock for a bit. Tensai fights back and pounds away before hitting the rolling cannonball attack in the corner. Sandow gets on the apron for a distraction but gets crushed by Brodus. A Baldo Bomb puts Cody down and the running backsplash gets the pin at 3:34.

Rating: D. This just kept going and going with nothing interesting at all. Again, the feud was over weeks ago but it’s an England show tonight so we need to backtrack by about a month to make sure we don’t have anything new going on. The match was bad on top of the story being old.

One more match with Tensai fighting a dancer. From Smackdown, December 21, 2013.

Brodus Clay vs. Tensai

Tensai takes him into the corner and drives shoulders into Brodus’ ample gut. A clothesline drops Clay but he avoids the backsplash. Clay hits a pair of splashes in the corner and a running splash gets two. Another splash gets no cover and Brodus does the dinosaur claws dance. Cue the Funkadactyls with Xavier Woods for the distraction and, say it with me, Tensai rolls Brodus up for the pin at 1:45. I have no idea how this is supposed to help either guy but I’m sure it will be explained to me later.

Overall Albert is a talented guy but he really isn’t anything more than a good enforcer. I had a feeling that all this hype about him being great in Japan wasn’t going to hold up and that’s exactly what happened. He’s fine as the power half of a tag team and that’s been where he’s had his greatest success. Other than that he’s just a big, slow power guy with a good look. He certainly isn’t bad or anything like that but there’s nothing that makes me want to see more of him.

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