Thunder
Date: January 26, 2000
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 6,323
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mike Tenay

We have a new World Champion in Sid Vicious but something tells me we’re in for some shenanigans. In other news tonight, Terry Funk has promised to bring in reinforcements against Kevin Nash. I’m sure this has nothing to do with Arn Anderson talking to some guy named Champ who needed to be told to put on his pants. Let’s get to it.

In case you were wondering, of the 6,323 in attendance, 2,510 were paid.

Quick recap of Nitro’s World Title situation.

Gene calls out Sid for a chat to start. Sid must be on top of the world and talks about standing up for WCW on Monday. Well no one did for almost all of the NWO civil war (including Schiavone) so better late than never I guess. The NWO tried to block the powerbomb and he was still able to win anyway because it wasn’t meant for the NWO to win every single match. That kind of thinking would get you fired back in 1997.

Cue Nash and the NWO with the boss saying this is one of the things he hates about being commissioner. As commissioner, he has to abide by the stipulations and the one from Monday was that Sid had to beat Ron Harris. He shows us a clip of Sid using the powerbomb, which hadn’t been banned at that point in the show, and pinning the wrong Harris brother. Now we get to the stupid part: the clip continues to show Sid being counted out of the ring because the match against Ron never actually ended because Sid didn’t pin him. Therefore, Sid didn’t win.

So on Monday, the referee counted Sid out and had the decision announced, and THE SAME ANNOUNCE TEAM DIDN’T SEE THE NEED TO BRING THIS UP??? I get that some things have to be done differently in wrestling and you have to suspend some disbelief, but this goes into “there is no way someone could possibly be this stupid” territory. Anyway, since Sid didn’t win on Monday, the World Champion is…..Kevin Nash.

However, tonight Sid will have a chance to get the title back inside Caged Heat against Ron Harris and Nash himself. However, the powerbomb is still banned and Sid has to pin Nash. Why Nash would do that isn’t clear, but then again this is two title changes, Hell in a Cell and another World Title match in two days so I really shouldn’t be surprised.

Gene reminds Maestro that he has never performed here at the MGM Grand. Maestro is offended and Symphony actually says “how rude”. Ok then.

The NWO has slot machines delivered to their locker room.

Maestro vs. Norman Smiley

Maestro comes out with his usual piano…..and Norman brings out a team of Las Vegas showgirls. The girls dance to the ring with Norman, who of course is wearing a white tuxedo and top hat because he’s awesome like that, and do the spanking dance. Maestro jumps him from behind because he’s a cultural swine. Smiley gets in a chair shot and it’s already time for a ladder, which fits so well here for some reason.

The whip is reversed though and Maestro sends Norman face first into the ladder and it’s time to go backstage. I’m going on a limb and assuming this is hardcore. Just thinking out loud of course. Norman is whipped into a bunch of things and then through a table as they find a sarcophagus. Well of course they do. Inside is…..the Kiss Demon, because demons live in coffins right? Norman is terrified and passes out so the Maestro covers him for the pin. It’s not long enough to rate, but that may have been the most insane match I’ve seen this year and it didn’t even run two minutes. That says a lot.

The NWO gambles a lot.

Liz and Luger have Sting memorabilia

Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Kid Romeo

Just like on Nitro, Romeo starts fast and hits a quick Thesz press and sends Prince over the corner and out to the floor for a meeting with Paisley. They slug it out on the floor as Standards and Practices, in street clothes this week, are here with Ms. Hancock, who certainly isn’t in street clothes. Well maybe on certain streets but not the most common ones.

Back inside and they slug it out as Hancock sits on the announcers’ table. Romeo hits a spinwheel kick followed by an enziguri and a missile dropkick for two with Paisley offering a distraction. Romeo goes after her and gets nailed in the back, setting up a reverse suplex to send Prince to the second round. Can we see a bracket to this thing?

Jeff Jarrett hits on 18 and gets a 3 for 21.

Terry Funk vs. Kiss Demon

Yes, this is a thing that is happening. They slug it out to start (did you expect anything less?) and Funk takes over with some very lame headbutts. Some boot choking in the corner leads to Funk being thrown outside but he whips Demon into the barricade, because Terry Funk is the second biggest face in this company after Sid Vicious. Back in and Funk gets annoyed that his neckbreaker only gets two, so he takes a swing at the yellow bellied varmint Nick Patrick. Again, your hero in this match.

A low blow and butterfly suplex get two for Demon, because when you think of a demon, you think of butterflies and suplexes. Funk ducks a right hand and busts out the Tumbleweed, which you may know as Kiwi Roll. Basically it’s a rolling sunset flip with Funk literally rolling him around in a circle before stopping for the pin.

Rating: D. Terry Funk, the second biggest face in this company, just had a match with the Kiss Demon. I want to hate this idea, but at least he’s interacting with the younger guys. For some reason I can’t imagine Nash actually knowing that the Demon wrestles for this company or that he’s a character that actually exists. Points to Funk for that at least. And I do mean least.

Kidman vs. Vampiro

Rematch from Nitro where Kidman won a good match. Vampiro starts fast with a headlock and shoulder, followed by a pair of suplexes. This would seem to be your fast paced wrestling match of the night. I’m as shocked as you are that Kidman is in this role yet again. Kidman’s right hands in the corner don’t work that well and Vampiro sends him outside and then into the barricade. So Vampiro is a face but acting heelish here. Got it.

Back in and Vampiro’s top rope spinwheel kick (a face move) gets two, followed by Kidman’s hurricanrana for the same. More kicks from Vampiro look to set up an electric chair but Kidman victory rolls him for not a victory. YOU CAN’T POWERBOMB KIDMAN but he can bulldog you, only to have Vampiro crotch him on top for a super Nail in the Coffin for the pin.

Rating: C+. This has been another show where Kidman has the match of the night and I’m sure it’s going to continue to get him nowhere. Well other than with Torrie but that’s a different story. He’s still fun to watch but you can add him to the list of people in WCW whose talents are being wasted while we get more Sid vs. Nash.

Some cops investigate gambling allegations against the NWO and there’s a Wayne Newton look a like. This goes nowhere.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

My levels of apathy towards Bagwell continue to reach new bounds. Buff takes over with a slam to start and we’re already on the posing. I’m surprised they even bothered with a move to start. Luger knees him in the ribs but eats right hands in the corner, only to come back with an atomic drop.

Two Lex clotheslines lead to more posing and it’s time to choke a lot. An elbow gets two and an elbow gets two and then Luger charges into an elbow. I’ve heard of someone being all elbows but a match being one? A low blow stops Buff’s comeback but Buff is up first and does his usual generic offense. The Blockbuster connects but Liz comes in with the ball bat for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Good grief fire both of them. Luger somehow has even less of an offense than when he wasn’t trying and Bagwell is getting even less entertaining than he already was. I guess it’s time for Luger to start breaking everyone’s arm in an attempt to make him an interesting killer but for some reason I don’t see it working. These two fought WAY too many times over the years.

Post match Luger gets in more bat shots and goes to Pillmanize the arm but referees make the save.

3 Count had an autograph signing at the Nitro Grill when the Mamalukes came up and started a fight. Music haters.

3 Count vs. Mamalukes/Disco Inferno

We start with a performance but the band has to dropkick the Mamalukes off the apron. Some big dives take the Italians out again and Shane covers Vito for two to start. Shane hammers away in the corner but gets powerbombed out and kicked in the face for his efforts. Off to Johnny for several lifts on a military press, followed by Disco coming in to stomp away in the corner.

The middle rope elbow misses though and it’s off to Evan. I’m not sure what to think about four dancers being in the same match. Fandango must have been watching this show. Evan speeds things up and cleans the bottom half of the house before it’s off to Shannon as everything breaks down. The double hiptoss into a powerbomb plants Moore though, setting up the Last Dance from Disco for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here and it’s nice to see the champions get another win, even if it’s at the expense of 3 Count. Yes they’re stupid but they were so goofily entertaining that I can’t help but like them. Disco is starting to find his groove as the manager/occasional partner too, which is good for him as he deserves a little something.

Post match Vito sings some Sinatra as the other two dance. This brings out David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney to clean house, allowing Crowbar to play air guitar as the others……dance?

Funk and Anderson are looking for Sid. I really hope this isn’t revenge for London back in 1993.

This Week in WCW Motorsports.

Nash gives the roster a pep talk. Quote: “Let’s go out there and put the old guys over!”

Booker T. vs. Jerry Flynn

Booker has to be able to win this right? Like, he has to. Jerry jumps him from behind to start and knocks Booker over the barricade. Please don’t make Booker a hardcore guy. Jerry fires off a bunch of kicks inside but misses another one in the corner. Booker hits his signature kicks and the forearm, followed by the 110^th Street Slam (whipping spinebuster) for the quick pin. Thank goodness.

Anderson and Funk have a meeting with Sid.

Ernest Miller reminds us that he’s here and talks about loving Vegas to get the fans on his side….but then says he hates the people here. After some old school calling out a fat boy fan, it’s time to dance. Disco, 3 Count, Ernest Miller. The money in this company is a dance team gimmick.

Kimberly says she’s still friends with Buff even though she counted him down last week.

Nash has a meeting with the Harris Brothers in the back.

Finlay and Knobbs hug for some reason, allowing Knobbs to steal a wrench from Finlay’s pocket. You would think Finlay would notice it missing.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Fit Finlay

Winner gets a shot at Knobbs for the Hardcore Title, which shows Knobbs to be a coward by stealing the wrench. My goodness why does the Hardcore Title have a better story than the US Title? Finlay grabs a headlock to start but his shoulder block has no effect. Back up and Bigelow splashes him in the corner as we see Knobbs watching from the back. Finlay gets tired of selling and rolls outside to set up a table.

An attempt at a suplex over the ropes and through the table is easily countered, allowing Bigelow to go up, only to miss the headbutt. It should be wrench times but Knobbs is a thief (maybe he can get a job in the criminal field once the wrestling thing stops working for him), Bigelow hits Greetings From Asbury Park (pretend Finlay’s head hit the mat) for the pin.

The cage is lowered.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Ron Harris vs. Kevin Nash

Inside Caged Heat, meaning the Cell and anyone can win but Sid must beat Nash. Also the powerbomb is banned. Nash is defending and Ron is in a suit. We again see the clip from Nitro which no one bothered to reference because WCW announcers are off having ham sandwiches and finger painting during commercials. The cage is chained shut as Harris and Nash double team Sid like you would expect them to do.

They head to the floor with Sid being knocked around the ring and Nash driving him into the cage wall. It works so well that Nash does it again twice in a row as this is total domination, as you would expect. For no apparent reason, Nash and Harris go inside for a few seconds before coming back outside to choke with a TV cable. They go inside again and, as in every triple threat ever, the two in control argue over who gets to cover.

Sid fights back for a bit until Nash gets in a shot to the ribs to take over. They head outside again with Sid going into the cage for I think the fifth time. We get some blood from the arm but Sid finally blocks a ram into the steel and takes over again. Harris is thrown inside for a chokeslam (with Ron landing on his arm) and Sid pulls Nash down into a Crossface of all things for the win and his second World Title in three days and the seventh World Title change in nine days.

Rating: D-. I don’t know if that’s meant as a knock on Benoit or just WCW trying to be cute, but I can’t help but shake the idea that Nash would have never tapped to Benoit in a million years. This was just a step ahead of Kidman vs. the Wall inside the Cell, though it still ranks as probably the second worst Cell match of all time. There was no need for this to be in the cage, especially not two days after the first match. Also, odds on the submission not counting because Nash said Sid had to pin him?

Ric Flair of all people comes out to applaud Sid, which is called a passing of the torch.

Overall Rating: D. This company has gone from slow as molasses one week to WOULD YOU PLEASE SLOW DOWN the next week. Things are going way too fast in the World Title scene and it’s getting harder and harder to keep up and/or care at this point. Flair is a welcome sight as you know he’ll be at least solid if not very good. There’s good stuff on the show but the gap between the main event and midcard isn’t going anywhere. Welcome back to 1998.

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Monday Nitro #224
Date: January 24, 2000
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 12,106
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

It’s actually a big show for once as we’re crowning a new World Champion tonight because the idea of waiting for pay per view is a foreign concept in this company. Kevin Nash is already in the title match but Sid has to qualify by beating Jeff Jarrett, who I don’t think is allowed to fight for the title. Let’s get to it.

This show is dedicated to Bobby Duncum Jr. He had potential.

Nash, Jarrett and Steiner arrive in separate limos with their women for the evening, including Major Gunns and someone who looks a heck of a lot like Victoria/Tara. Scott Hall is here too.

Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: Psychosis vs. Kaz Hayashi

The finals are at SuperBrawl, Juventud is out with Psychosis and Kaz gets a jobber entrance. Presumably annoyed by this, Kaz shoulders him down to start and nails a nice release German. An enziguri knocks Psychosis to the floor and Kaz nails a plancha. Back in and Psychosis nails a clothesline before going after the knee.

After a few kicks, it’s back to the floor where Juvy gets in a People’s Elbow. So we have a fake Rock and a fake Road Dogg. I wonder who they’re ripping off next. Back in and Kaz dives right back to the floor to take Juvy out. Psychosis goes up top but dives into a dropkick to the ribs. Well at least they’re finally picking things up a bit. And they head back inside where Kaz misses a spinwheel kick and gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well the flying wasn’t bad but Juvy’s Rock impression, which still just makes me want to watch Rock, is taking away from everything else in the match. Psychosis, while not the best in the world, was clearly winning here because Kaz just isn’t very exciting in the ring. At least the division is getting some attention for a change.

Terry Funk and Arn Anderson arrive.

Nash says Jarrett has failed his physical and can’t go tonight, but the boss has a plan.

After a break, Nash makes Funk vs. Bam Bam Bigelow in a hardcore match.

The Wall vs. Kid Romeo

Squash time. We hear about Nash putting out a $15,000 bounty on Funk. This would be shocking, until you realize that Funk is probably the second biggest face in the company right now. Romeo fires off dropkicks to start and actually knocks Wall to the ropes. He doesn’t knock Wall out to the floor as Wall jumps over the ropes to get there but at least Romeo got him halfway. Romeo’s plancha barely works but he scores with an enziguri back inside, only to try a sunset flip and get chokeslammed for the pin. Wall barely had any offense until the ending.

Sid thinks something is afoot with the Jarrett absence.

Arn tries to talk to Bigelow but Bam Bam would beat up his mother for $15,000. Anderson: “It’s your funeral.”

Scott Steiner and Hall offer the Power Plant guys a chance to fight tonight. Their pick: Al Greene. One of the guys who didn’t get picked was none other than Christopher Daniels, who worked a dark match before the show.

Norman Smiley vs. Shannon Moore

Dang I don’t know who to cheer for. Norman, in Dodgers gear, interrupts the song, therefore making him the instant heel. It also earns him a quick 3-1 beating until it’s just Shannon in the ring. Norman fights up and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and IT’S DANCE TIME! Moore doesn’t care for the spankings and tries a rollup, only to get countered into a front powerbomb.

It’s time to get the rest of the boys involved but Norman is of course way too smart for them (meaning he has an IQ higher than a squid). Shannon is back up with an Asai moonsault to the floor though and Norman is actually in trouble for a change. Back inside and Norman slaps on the namesake Conquest for the submission. It’s pretty sad that this is a major upgrade in feuds for Norman, but I’ll take what I can get.

Post match it’s time to sing again but Moore is still down. Instead, Norman clears the ring and dances for them.

Al Greene vs. Tank Abbott

Abbott knees him into the ribs, punches him in the corner, slams him down, and knocks Greene out with a big right hand for his longest match yet.

Tank yells at his former UFC bodyguard, who Heenan interviews after a break. The bodyguard, who isn’t named, says Abbott is a sellout.

Here’s Ernest Miller, now with blond hair, who promises to whip everybody as soon as he can get back in the ring. The fat boy in the front row can sit down and it’s dance time. How many people in this company dance at the moment?

Greene is loaded into an ambulance and the NWO laughs.

Terry Funk vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Anything goes of course. Bigelow jumps him in the back to start and drags the elder statesman to the arena for some choking with a well placed rope. Some chair shots knock Funk towards the ring but he’s still able to avoid the top rope headbutt. They’re quickly back on the floor and Funk busts out an Asai moonsault of his own to drop the big man. Now it’s Funk with the chair but, ever the crazy man, he tries to headbutt Bigelow and just hurts himself even worse.

Bigelow throws it back inside and this time the top rope headbutt connects, but here are Finlay and Knobbs to help out their mentor (I guess?). That’s fine with Bigelow who easily knocks both guys away and loads up another headbutt. He’s a man of limited offense. This time though, Knobbs puts a chair over Funk and Bigelow knocks himself cold, giving Terry the pin.

Rating: D. So Funk is in a hardcore feud and a main event feud, thereby making this company more and more like ECW every single week. The match was exactly what you would expect from these two (both former ECW World Champions oddly enough) and the addition of Knobbs and Finlay doesn’t make it any better.

Funk promises reinforcements against Nash on Thunder.

Don Harris vs. Sid Vicious

If Sid wins, he faces Nash for the title later tonight. Harris is replacing Jarrett because…..I have no idea why. Sid is smart enough to go after Don before he can even get his jacket off because you know there’s going to be cheating here. They head outside with Sid in control, but he takes too long throwing Don inside and the twins are already switching. Ron clotheslines Sid out to the floor and it’s another switch. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit before the twins plant Sid with a double slam. Back up and Sid grabs a chokeslam on Don, who rolls outside for a switch, so Sid powerbombs Ron for the pin.

Rating: D. This is a thing that happened. I’m not sure what else there is to say about it but I’m sure that Nash will be able to tell the twins apart (or that he watched the match. Well in theory as not many other people were) and it’s going to be a loophole. Boring match of course, but did you expect anything else from the Harris Twins?

Vampiro vs. Kidman

Torrie comes out wearing basically a zebra print bikini. Vampiro misses a kick to start and they circle each other a bit. A headscissors doesn’t do much good for Kidman as Vampiro throws him down with a release powerbomb. We cut to the crowd and OH GOOD LORD NO IT’S DAVID ARQUETTE! Please cut away from him. Please. I can’t handle it. Kidman reverses a powerbomb as only he can but he gets planted with a side slam for two.

Vampiro misses the top rope legdrop and Kidman hits a big plancha to take him out on the floor. Back up and Kidman dropkicks him to the floor, only to have a slingshot plancha caught. That’s fine with Kidman as he slips down the back and sends him into the post to take over again. Torrie seems way into this. The BK Bomb gets two and Vampiro’s DDT gets the same, much to the latter’s shock.

A little miscommunication sets up a release Rock Bottom from Vampiro but he gets dropkicked out of the air. That’s fine with Vampiro who counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb for two more. With nothing else working, Vampiro loads up a superbomb but you can’t superbomb Kidman (that doesn’t have the same ring to it), who hurricanranas Vampiro down for the pin.

Rating: B. Again, WHY IS KIDMAN NOT DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT??? He just got done with three matches at one pay per view and he’s had the best match on the last three TV shows, but he can’t get anywhere near the US Title because that’s Jarrett’s and he can’t get anywhere near the TV Title because it was literally trashed a few months ago. Such is life in WCW.

Arn Anderson is on the phone with champ. “Get your pants on. Can you be in Vegas for Thunder?”

Nash gets a massage, which is part of his plan to win the World Title.

Vampiro has something to say but his mic doesn’t work.

Total Package vs. Booker T.

Liz does an over the top introduction for Luger, who then babbles on about Sting. Just get him back so he can crush Luger and be done with it. No one can compare to Luger, including Hulk Hogan himself. There’s SuperBrawl I guess. Booker comes out and slugs away because he should be moving up the ladder but we need a Road Wild 1997 rematch.

An early Rock Bottom gets two on Luger and the ax kick (good looking one) knocks him silly but Liz offers a distraction. Cue Midnight to take care of Liz, allowing Booker to hit a big side kick, only to have Big T. sneak in with a slap jack to knock Booker silly, setting up Luger’s Rack for the unconscious win. So glad to see Booker getting knocked cold again so the Rack can beat him one more time to set up the big main event Luger vs. Hogan feud that is happening for no apparent reason.

Post match Sting’s music comes on and we have a shadowy figure with a bat on the stage. Smoke comes on and whisks him away however. Great. So now Luger is feuding with Sting, Hogan and Warrior.

Vampiro thinks the WWF sabotaged his mic and wants a rematch with Kidman.

David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney have an idea for the upcoming Tag Team Title match.

Tag Team Titles: Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay vs. Mamalukes

The Mamalukes are defending but before either team comes out, David Flair, Crowbar and Daffney take over all three commentary spots. David takes over Tony’s job and actually isn’t terrible considering he’s sounding normal with a twinge of crazy. Disco is suddenly fine with being with the Mamalukes after trying to make them lose more than once. Daffney thinks they’re the Marmadukes and Marmalades. Crowbar: “I’m like Bobby Eaton and you have the mat skills of Sweet Stan Lane.”

They shove each other around to start and the challengers get the early advantage. David: “This one time, at band camp, I hit someone over the head with my crowbar.” Standards and Practices come out to watch but only Ms. Hancock sticks around. The camera stays on her for a bit before we see Vito working on Knobbs in the corner. Disco and Hancock stare each other down and Crowbar brings up the crimson mask. Crowbar isn’t half bad as a play by play guy. “Double ax handle to the chest! That could cave in the upper thorax!”

Both challengers crush Johnny in the corner as David starts dancing on the table. Hancock leaves with David and Daffney following as Finlay hits the Regal Roll on Johnny. Disco offers a distraction so Vito can get in a belt shot for two as everything breaks down. Knobbs throws a chair at Finlay by mistake (Crowbar: “A FAUX PAS!”), setting up Vito’s swinging inverted DDT to retain the belts.

Rating: D. Crowbar and Hancock were the highlights of the match. There’s only so much you can expect from these four, but they’re already better in the ring than Flair and Crowbar, almost by default. You could barely keep track of the match with all the shenanigans though, and that gets old in a hurry.

Here’s Nash with something to say, though first he has to steal a fan’s sign about Hall being afraid of O’Doul’s beer (non-alcoholic). The fans want Goldberg but “he doesn’t work here anymore.” He and Sid are about to fight but since the powerbomb is so dangerous, it’s banned from use tonight. Well Nash already beat Sid in a powerbomb match without using a powerbomb so that really doesn’t change much. The NWO is on it’s way to Vegas so it’s one on one.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Kevin Nash

Thankfully Nash just stayed in the ring instead of leaving like so many people (including Nash in the past) have done before. Sid shoves him to the floor to start but Nash cheats to win a test of strength to take over. They head outside again as the announcers actually talk about Thunder being taped tomorrow night. I know it’s not exactly a secret but it’s not something you hear about that often. We hit the sleeper on Sid back inside because Nash needs to rest a bit.

Tony’s logic on the match: a loss here makes the NWO even stronger. Sid’s arm goes up after the second drop but he drives Nash into the referee in the corner. A big boot and legdrop set up the hand to the ear to see if the fans want a powerbomb. Cue Jarrett (Nash LIED???) but Sid takes the guitar away to blast Nash, but Sid is smart enough to play possum before crawling over military style for the pin and the title. BIG pop for that.

Rating: D. As I think everyone guessed coming in, this was a slow and mostly dull power match. The ending would have been better suited after a 10-15 minute match, but I don’t think the world was ready for Sid vs. Nash getting that much time in the year 2000. I’ll give them this though: the idea of Sid outsmarting someone is about as entertaining a bit of fiction as I’ve seen in a long time.

Confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is getting downright tolerable. Above all else they now have a clear focus in the main event, which is more than you could say a few weeks back. Back then there were so many focuses that it was almost impossible to keep track of what was going on. Unfortunately that focus is on Sid, which isn’t the most interesting idea in the world.

Other than that there’s a more solid undercard being developed, but it would be nice to see some of the people move up the ladder and WAY less emphasis on the hardcore stuff. We get it: you can hit each other with trashcan lids and chairs and Brian Knobbs is totally interesting and worthy of pushing at least in the general direction of the space shuttle. I’m scared to think of who Funk is going to get as a reinforcement, but I’m hoping it’s just Sid so we don’t have to have anyone else coming in. Or maybe it’s Flair, which would work a bit better. Not a good show this week, but at least it’s a few steps ahead of where they were.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Souled Out 2000
Date: January 16, 2000
Location: Firstar Center, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 14,132
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

And then everything changed. The big matches for this show were scheduled to be Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett in a 2/3 falls match for the US Title and Bret Hart defending his WCW World Title against Goldberg. Then Goldberg, Hart and Jarrett all got hurt so we’re going to get Sid Vicious vs. Benoit for the World Title, which is being announced the night of the show. Other than that, Russo is GONE (pause for the parade) due to his solutions to the gaping holes caused by these injuries, which I’ll get to later. Let’s get to it.

The announcers immediately talk about the changes to the World Title match and show us clips of the injuries occurring, including the Goldberg superkick to Hart and Benoit’s Swan Dive off the top of the cage this past week on Nitro to knock Jarrett out. It’s interesting that the headbutt hit the arm but still rattled Jeff that much.

We look at the Revolution attacking Konnan during the pre-game show, which somehow leads to the new Triple Threat Theater. Instead of Jarrett vs. Benoit in a 2/3 falls match, Kidman of all people will be running a Revolution gauntlet in the three gimmick matches, including against Revolution’s mystery partner.

We run down the card to fill in even more time. Apparently Page vs. Bagwell is last man standing.

Also earlier tonight, David Flair and Crowbar have attacked Vampiro, meaning it’s no longer Flair vs. Vampiro but instead it’s a three way dance with Crowbar added.

After six and a half minutes of recaps and explaining the card, we’re ready to go.

Kidman vs. Dean Malenko

This is Catch As Catch Can, which was originally the Dungeon Match and means you win by pin, submission or your opponent leaving the ring. You know, because Kidman vs. Malenko needs a wacky stipulation. Dean takes him into the corner to start but Kidman drives him in just as quickly.

That goes nowhere as Malenko takes him down into a headscissors, only to bail into the corner when Kidman comes up swinging. A jackknife cover gets two for Dean but Kidman rolls away and fires off right hands, sending Dean rolling to the floor…..to give Kidman the win. Either Dean screwed up on a pretty unique rule or he wanted out as fast as he could. That’s it for Dean in WCW.

Clip of Vampiro powerbombing Crowbar for a pin on Thunder. The post match stuff that set up the match tonight isn’t included but why bother with something like that?

We recap Daffney being all psycho and hooking up with David Flair, who then joined forces with Crowbar. This somehow tied into David’s godfather Arn Anderson, who helped them win the Tag Team Titles. Vampiro and the Misfits hit on Daffney so she kneed them in the groin, setting up tonight’s match. In theory this was going to be Vampiro and someone against the champs, but it was changed to a three way on the pre-show for no logical reason.

Vampiro is about to address what’s going on but Masahiro Chono of all people interrupts and yells in Japanese.

David, Crowbar and Daffney promise to break Vampiro’s bones and rip off his flesh.

Vampiro vs. David Flair vs. Crowbar

It’s a big brawl to start but Vampiro faceplants both of them to take over early on. There’s no reason for Flair and Crowbar to fight each other aside from general insanity so this should be a tag match like it was supposed to be. Vampiro’s suplex is countered into a northern lights suplex for two but a spinning kick puts Crowbar down as well. There’s a suicide dive for Crowbar as Daffney bounces up and down on the bottom rope.

David’s chops have no effect as the announcers talk about Ric Flair being on some house shows but not appearing on TV. Vampiro chops David a few times and throws him onto Crowbar. The Rock Bottom on the floor is broken up by Crowbar’s flip dive for a huge crash. A big splash from the apron crushes Vampiro again as the Tag Team Champions are only kind of working together.

Back in and Crowbar plants him with a German suplex, continuing to make me wonder why he’s stuck in this story. Vampiro one ups him with a release superplex, prompting about forty seconds of replays of the match’s big spots. David remembers he’s in the match and gets two off a vertical suplex as this becomes the handicap match it was supposed to be. That goes nowhere as Vampiro superkicks both of them down and plants Crowbar with a Rock Bottom for two.

More double teaming gives the champs control and a top rope splash gets two for Crowbar. David slaps on a figure four that makes Dusty Rhodes look like Ric himself but Crowbar goes for a cover, starting a brawl between the champs. Back up again and Vampiro cleans house, sidesteps a charging David to send him into Daffney and the Nail in the Coffin gives Vampiro the pin.

Rating: D+. Total mess here but it was fun at times. Like I said though, the booking was all over the place and it was just a spotfest, but the bigger problem is the Tag Team Champions just lost a glorified handicap match in ten minutes. Why this wasn’t a tag match isn’t clear, especially when you have all those people on the roster not doing a thing. David continues to be completely worthless.

Buff Bagwell arrives.

The Mamalukes are ready for the Harris Brothers in a bonus match.

Harris Brothers vs. Mamalukes

Ron shoves Johnny the Bull into the corner to start but eats a spinning kick to the face which sounded like it made some solid contact. Back in and Ron runs over Vito (in his sleeveless, shiny neon green shirt) but Johnny comes in with some right hands to the ribs to take over. Vito drops an elbow low, only to have Ron take Johnny out to the floor and whip him into the barricade.

A big side slam plants Johnny back inside and it’s off to Don for a lame chinlock. The Twins maintain control and hit Johnny low as I’m trying to figure out who to cheer for in this match. Vito gets goaded into the ring so Ron can choke in the corner before throwing the Bull to the floor. This match just keeps going and the fans chant DOA. Vito breaks up a cover off a DDT and crotches Don, only to have Disco shoves him off by mistake, helping Vito with a top rope clothesline to Ron for the pin.

Rating: D-. This is one of those matches that just kept going for no reason other than they needed to fill in some more time. On top of that it’s a bonus match so there isn’t even a story going on until the ending where Disco didn’t mean to help the Mafia guys win. Really dull stuff here but either team would be an upgrade for the Tag Team Titles.

Madusa rants to Spice about Oklahoma.

Cruiserweight Title: Madusa vs. Oklahoma

Madusa is defending but Oklahoma has the Cruiserweight Title belt because this story is stupid. Oklahoma vows to prove that men are the dominant sex and runs down all the horrible housewives here in Cincinnati. “Madusa, get those silicone balls out here so I can bounce them back to the kitchen.” Madusa comes out in a bikini with a loincloth as she fires off kicks to start.

Some hair drags put Madusa down but Oklahoma (wearing a singlet with his name on it in the WWF Attitude logo style) avoids a charge, only to have Madusa fall onto his crotch. A pair of middle rope missile dropkicks drop Oklahoma but he comes right back with a DDT because he’s somehow better than the best American female wrestler of this era. Spice takes the barbecue sauce away from Oklahoma and here’s Asya to help out.

Not that it matters as Oklahoma pulls the loincloth down and rolls Madusa up for the pin and the Cruiserweight (Ferrara weighed about 300lbs) Title. Too short to rate, but the man that said he was better than all women just pinned the female champion despite her having two people to help her. Somehow, this is supposed to be entertaining rather than, you know, horrible and disgusting.

The girls pour the sauce down his singlet post match. That’s an appropriate response after being cheated out of a title by a chauvinist announcer whose entire character was originally built around mocking an announcer. All hail the Powers That Be!

Hardcore Champion Brian Knobbs credits Fit Finlay for giving him back the Eye of the Tiger. He’ll beat up Meng and Smiley tonight and then take out Finlay to become the new master.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. Fit Finlay vs. Meng vs. Norman Smiley

Knobbs is defending. This is called Four The Hard Way and I’m sure it’s going to be the hard way as opposed to something easy like gum surgery. Norman comes out in riot gear. Brian takes over with a bunch of trashcan lid shots before double teaming Meng with Finlay’s help. Meng shrugs it off and knocks Norman down (Heenan: “RUN!”) before everyone goes to the floor. Norman does a kind of leg sweep to put Brian down but Finlay blasts him in the head with a trashcan.

A headbutt with the riot helmet puts Norman down again and it’s table time. Knobbs and Finlay hit Meng with the trashcan and it’s time to split up because this match needs to be doubled. Thankfully it doesn’t last long as Norman and Finlay come back to ringside with Smiley being dropped face first onto a chair. Meng’s cover on Brian is broken up and Norman is left alone with the champ. Instead of covering though he stops to dance, allowing Knobbs to hit him with the riot shield to retain. Tenay says Knobbs is a force to be reckoned with a mere four days after winning the title.

Rating: D-. You can see the problem with this division in this match alone: they’re not doing anything. This is just the weapons title with people who have nothing else to do filling in the spots. At least with the WWF version, the hardcore guys were entertaining and had enough charisma to carry the division. This is everyone but Norman treating it seriously and making it a very dull sit every time they’re out there.

Meng cleans house post match.

Kidman vs. Perry Saturn

Bunkhouse Brawl, which means hardcore (that sounds familiar), even though I don’t think either of these two have ever been in a bunkhouse in their entire lives because most people aren’t cowboys. Saturn headbutts him down to start and plants Kidman with a gorilla press for two. He crotches Kidman on top and hits a springboard clothesline (kind of at least) to drive Kidman to the floor for a big crash right on his side.

Thankfully with Kidman’s hip still in one piece, Saturn knocks his head off with a clothesline and gets two off a legdrop. Saturn rips the shirt apart and starts cranking on the arm. A beal with the torn shirt sends Kidman down again before Saturn remember this is a hardcore match and pulls out a table. Kidman finally scores with a dive as Tony and Heenan plan starting a table business. There’s a comedy gimmick in there somewhere.

Back in and Saturn takes over again with a top rope elbow getting two. Saturn busts out a layout powerbomb (yes he can!) for two but misses a moonsault. The BK Bomb gets two but Saturn launches him over the top and out through the table for two on the floor. They head up top with Saturn loading up a superbomb, only to get backdropped down. It’s time to go back to the drawing board with another powerbomb but Kidman faceplants him down (maybe he can’t) for the pin. That’s it for Saturn in WCW.

Rating: D+. This was a glorified Saturn squash until the ending came out of nowhere. Kidman took a good beating and it came off like the Jeff Hardy formula, which isn’t the worst idea, but Saturn destroying him for ten minutes with the hardcore rules barely meaning anything.

And now, Stevie Ray goes back to the hood. Heenan’s words. Stevie talks to some old friends and says this is where he and Booker come from. He says a pile of cardboard boxes is home to someone and this is where they’re from. Some people Stevie knows asks where Booker has been but Stevie says they just forgot about this place. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this was actually really well done.

Stevie says it’s done tonight.

Booker T. vs. Stevie Ray

Before the match Booker, wearing a red vest with sleeves so skinny they look like suspenders, says he’s going to give Stevie the whipping he deserves for saying Booker has forgotten where he came from. Stevie tries to get in a cheap shot but Booker ducks underneath and nails a spinning kick to the face. A big clothesline drops Booker and the match slows way down.

They head outside with Stevie slowly walking around the ring until Booker fires off some right hands. Back in and Stevie gets in a thumb to the eyes and hooks on a chinlock. A backdrop puts Booker down and we cut to the crowd for no apparent reason. Booker escapes the Slapjack and scores with the Book End, but Ahmed Johnson runs in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Booker is good, but carrying Stevie Ray is almost impossible. There’s only so much you can do when you’re in a story this lame and we passed that point as soon as the bell rang. Really dull match but I was a huge fan of Ahmed Johnson so somehow I can live with this.

Stevie names him Big T. Unfortunately, I remember where this is leading and it’s going to get even worse.

Sid is ready to fight his friend for the World Title.

Tank Abbott vs. Jerry Flynn

Here’s Tenay’s recap: “This past Monday, they were put inside the same jail cell and even that couldn’t keep them apart.” Abbott punches, Flynn kicks, they trade some lame submission holds and Tank punches him out for the pin in less than 100 seconds.

We recap Page vs. Bagwell, which is over accusations that Bagwell slept with Page’s wife Kimberly and Buff implying that Kimberly has been with the entire locker room. In other words, it’s over whether or not Kimberly is a sl**.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Buff Bagwell

Last man standing. Buff punches him out to the floor and they’re quickly in the crowd with Buff punching him over what appear to be hockey boards. Back to ringside with Bagwell still in control but Page comes back with a neckbreaker. The Diamond Cutter is broken up and Bagwell goes outside for a dive from Page. They both go down off a single right hand and fight near the WCW.com station.

Both guys throw a monitor and Tony thinks it’s hilarious. A keyboard shot to the head puts Bagwell down but Buff comes back with an elbow off the set through the table. It’s Page’s turn to no sell and they head back to the ring as there hasn’t been a count yet. Page, bleeding from the side, crotches Bagwell against the post. Even more no selling ensues as Bagwell shrugs off a Diamond Cutter and hits a Vader Bomb for eight.

Buff DDT’s Page for seven and it’s Blockbuster time. The fans react, so is Buff supposed to be the good guy here? Page eats Blockbuster but gets up at nine. Bagwell pulls a police baton out to beat on Page for nine, only to walk into a Diamond Cutter. It’s actually Bagwell up first with Page not being able to answer the count. So yeah, Page lost by hitting his finisher. That’s certainly different.

Rating: D+. That ending is really confusing stuff as you would think Buff could have just hit the Blockbuster for the win. They were trying to play up the idea that Buff blocked the move but he went down like anyone else would have. Really weird ending to a boring but not horrible match.

Kimberly comes out and watches as Page beats Buff down.

Kidman vs. ???

This is in Caged Heat, which means Hell in a Cell. Shane Douglas comes out to introduce the mystery opponent: the Wall. Yeah it’s Kidman vs. the Wall in an unannounced match inside Hell in a Cell. They fight over a chair on the floor to start with Wall getting the better of it. Kidman is tossed into the cage a few times as the crowd is just gone. They head inside with Wall getting two off a clothesline. A sunset bomb out of the corner gets the same for Kidman and he counters a suplex into a DDT for the same. Kidman goes up top and dives right into a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: F. This is another instance where I can sum up the problem in one sentence: a Hell in a Cell match that lasted five minutes That’s ignoring the fact that these two have no personal issues and Wall is just there because Shane is still injured and you can’t put Asya out there.

Kevin Nash vs. Terry Funk

Hardcore. Again. If Nash wins he’s the Commissioner but if Funk wins, the NWO is gone. Nash jumps him in the aisle and throws in some big right hands, followed by a chair to the back. There’s the Jackknife through the table but Nash goes inside to talk trash instead of covering. He tells Funk that he can keep his job as Commissioner if he can get back in, but as soon as Terry gets back in, Nash says he’s a liar.

Another clothesline puts Funk on the floor and he crashes on his head to make it look even more effective. Terry nails him with a chair a few times to limited avail so Nash chairs him down again. A DDT plants Nash and Funk slowly slugs away before setting up some more chairs. That earns Funk a low blow and a powerbomb through the opened chairs to give Nash the power.

Rating: D. So Nash is the Commissioner after spending weeks beating up the lame duck Commissioner. I’m so glad we got to sit through this, though at least Nash is somewhat relevant to the product and has been around longer than a few weeks. I can also see why Flair wasn’t interested in coming back for something like that.

Nash officially takes over at midnight.

Arn Anderson, guest referee for the main event, basically says none of this matters as it’s all about getting Nash out of power. He stumbles over his lines here which is something you never see from him.

WCW World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Sid Vicious

Feeling out process to start with Sid shoving Benoit into the corner but being nice enough to help him up. Some of the roster comes out to watch at the arena entrance. Sid shoves Benoit to the floor by the throat and it’s time to regroup. Back in and Benoit gets smart by going after the knee by dropkicking the leg our bringing Sid down.

With almost the entire locker room watching (and looking like they’re at a funeral), Benoit takes it to the floor and crushing the leg between the post and the steps. A Figure Four has Sid in even more trouble but he turns it over, sending Benoit to the ropes for a break. Sid is wrestling as the face here but Benoit is only the heel by default.

Benoit snap suplexes him for one and then puts on the bridging Indian Deathlock to make Sid scream. The hold has to be broken because of the pressure it puts on Benoit’s neck so Sid can try a quick comeback, only to eat another dropkick to the knee. The rolling Germans are countered with a powerslam for two and the fans actually show some signs of life.

A long leg lock has Sid in even more trouble and a release German sets up the Swan Dive but Sid powers out at one. The chokeslam gets two due to Benoit’s foot being under the rope. There’s the Crossface for an immediate tap to give Benoit the title. Anderson wasn’t a factor in the entire match.

Rating: C. Watchable match here with Sid getting in almost nothing. That’s the big key here: Benoit took him apart and then made Sid submit (unlike Goldberg in an interesting bit). Unfortunately there was almost no emotion or drama here as it was just about who was going to win and there was no reason to be upset with either guy as champion.

Replays show that Sid’s foot was under the rope, which was their out to take the title off Benoit once he quit.

Benoit praises Sid for a great fight and talks about seeing the Dynamite Kid when he was eleven years old. Anderson comes in and shakes Benoit’s hand. Cue Nash to say he’s going to make Benoit’s life a nightmare starting at midnight.

Overall Rating: D. Let’s get the important part out of the way first: this was a big, big improvement over the Russo shows. It may not have been good or even decent, but there’s a huge difference between a show making me scream at the screen fifteen years later and just being pretty lame. There’s only one decent match on the show and only one moment that matters, but at least it’s a nice feel good moment.

The interesting thing here is that you might like the show better without seeing the build. It’s a totally different show than they set up due to the injuries and changes to the card, but that doesn’t mean it’s anything good. The new version of WCW starting tomorrow night is going to be…..I guess the word is interesting, but the roster being depleted all at once is one of the final nails in the coffin, which we’ll get to on Monday. Bad show, but a boring bad instead of infuriating.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: January 12, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Erie, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,947
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mike Tenay

We’re officially on Wednesdays now as Thunder goes running away from Smackdown as fast as it can. It’s the final show before Souled Out, which isn’t going to wind up meaning anything as the top half of the card is going to be thrown out the window due to a bunch of injuries. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from Nitro this week. The old guys are prominently featured.

Bret Hart arrives separately from the NWO.

Vampiro vs. Crowbar

To set the tone for this show, Tony brings up the Old Age Outlaws and Scott’s immediate response is “Oh you didn’t know.” Vampiro jumps David Flair during the entrances and goes after Crowbar early on. David gets planted with a Rock Bottom on the floor but Crowbar pops back up with a moonsault to the floor to take both of them down.

Crowbar hits a slingshot splash for two but Vampiro plants him with another Rock Bottom. Some kicks set up a pose but Crowbar plants him with a German suplex followed by a slingshot legdrop. Back up and Vampiro gets crotched on top, only to counter a hurricanrana into a superbomb for the pin. Short but entertaining while it lasted.

Vampiro gets beaten down post match until Arn Anderson comes out to talk to David. Crowbar goes after Arn and gets laid out.

Time to run down the card.

Here’s Bret Hart with something to say. The crowd has a right to boo him right now because he’s let them all down. He doesn’t like the way the NWO takes all those shortcuts so the NWO is out and the pink and black attack is back. Bret tells the NWO where they can stick it and here they come to the stage. Nash says Bret hasn’t learned a thing “since New York” because he’s still too stupid for his own good.

The crowd may want heroes, but Bret could have become a god in the NWO. Bret needs to forget about this Canadian hero bull because hard work doesn’t pay. That would be one of those shoot comments that isn’t meant to be a shoot comment. Nash offers Bret a chance to come back to the team right now, but Bret swears a bit more. He’ll go through the NWO one by one starting tonight so Nash promises to end Hart’s career. It’s a nice idea, even though I’m not entirely sure why Bret has had a change of attitude.

After a break, Bret is sitting in a room with a ball bat.

The Old Age Outlaws are watching on a monitor. I guess that passes for interesting now.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. Norman Smiley

Norman is defending and this is taking place outside, but Norman it’s too cold. He’s finally forced outside and gets jumped by Knobbs, who nails him with a bunch of weapons. Norman comes back by throwing him into a wall and they hit each other with trashcans and a metal sheet. Cue a car to run Norman down, allowing Knobbs to hit him with a shovel, because RUNNING HIM OVER WITH A CAR isn’t enough, for the pin and the title, because Brian Knobbs is a better choice to be a champion than the entertaining Smiley, and doing this four days before a four way title match makes total sense.

The NWO kicks Bret’s door down.

Here’s the Revolution with something to say. They’re ready for the big showdown with the Filthy Animals on Sunday and Shane might even get in the match himself. Malenko promises to raise the Revolution flag on Sunday over the bodies of the Filthy Animals. Saturn talks about spinning wheels and nearly gets into it with Asya until Shane calms them down and tells Asya not to screw this up.

The NWO has Bret and carry him through the back. The Old Age Outlaws are STILL watching all this. I’m still trying to figure out why this is supposed to be interesting.

Jerry Flynn and Tank Abbott get arrested for fighting.

Madusa vs. Oklahoma

Non-title, but this is an evening gown match. Oklahoma comes out in a dress and carrying the Cruiserweight Title, so here’s Miss Hancock to shake her head at him. Madusa comes up from behind and kicks Oklahoma down before they whip each other into the steps. He can’t get the barbecue sauce taped to his leg so he slams Madusa and tries to get it out again. With that taking way too long, Madusa suplexes him down and strips his dress off for the win.

As if that’s not enough, Oklahoma gets the bottle loose and nails Madusa, rips off the top of her dress and pours the sauce over her. This is in no way symbolic of anything whatsoever.

The NWO burns Bret’s gear.

Madusa yells a lot, the producer yells clear, the segment ends.

Midnight vs. Booker T. vs. Stevie Ray

It’s an elimination match. Why you ask? I don’t know, but I’m assuming Oklahoma in a dress pouring barbecue sauce over Madusa’s chest will explain it. Midnight comes out first but we see Stevie jumping Booker backstage. Stevie comes out and beats Midnight into the corner for a knee to the ribs and right hands to the face. A clothesline and ax kick set up a powerslam as Midnight has had no offense.

Cue Booker who punches Stevie to the floor but Stevie wants a mic. He’s going to leave now and since this is an elimination match, Booker now has to beat up Midnight. So after we had the regular man on woman violence, we now get man on woman violence against the man’s will. Can we please get rid of Russo so we don’t have to watch his weird fetish stuff anymore?

Booker grabs a headlock before putting Midnight down with a few shoulders. He doesn’t want to follow up though so they stumble around until Midnight scores with a dropkick. Booker hits the ax kick but Stevie low bridges him to the floor and blasts him with a slap jack. He throws Booker inside and tells Midnight to pin him, but Midnight pulls Booker on top of her to give him the win.

Rating: F. So we had a man beating up a woman, a man reluctantly fighting a woman, and then a woman laying down and pulling a man on top of her. I’m sure Russo and Ferrara loved it because they seem to hate women in any form and good for them for getting to enjoy themselves for a few minutes while everyone continues to watch anything else.

Midnight dropkicks Stevie post match, but since that might mean a lowly woman got one up on a MAN, Stevie slap jacks her to put her back in her place.

Jerry Flynn is put in his cell and Tank Abbott jumps him. Because they’re cell mates. It’s WACKY!

Kanyon is ready for his champagne on a pole match. Well of course he is.

Nash is going to cut Bret’s hair.

Funk sends Zbyszko to find out if Bret has had his head shaved, because he doesn’t care enough to go find out himself. And that’s the boss people.

Chris Kanyon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Champagne bottle on a pole. Kanyon slugs him down as Bigelow gets inside but Bam Bam nails an elbow to the face. An early climb is countered with a powerbomb from Kanyon (looked better than you would think) but Bigelow crotches him to break up a bottle attempt. Bigelow nails a belly to back and falling headbutt as they’re trying this wrestling thing for a change. This time it’s Bigelow getting crotched as he goes up, allowing Kanyon to Russian legsweep him down from the ropes to put both guys down.

It’s Bigelow up first but Kanyon’s girls get on the apron to break up Greetings From Asbury Park. Your good guy tries to kiss the girl but Kanyon gets up for a save. Kanyon pulls down the bottle and dives into a right hand to the head. Bigelow grabs the bottle, throws it down, and headbutts Kanyon between the legs. Greetings From Asbury Park ends this.

Rating: D+. Somehow this is probably the match of the night, even though they ignored the gimmick of the match. You can almost cringe in advance whenever a woman is on screen these days though and it has nothing to do with their performances. Somehow we’ve reached the point where Vince having Trish bark like a dog is a lot easier to sit through than what’s going on here.

Post match Luger, still dressed as Sting, comes out and nails Bigelow with a ball bat. Luger loads up a Scorpion Deathlock (oh I’d pay to see him try that move) but a crow appears at ringside to screw off Luger and Liz. Bigelow gets up and yells at Luger, earning him a champagne bottle shot to the head.

Zbyszko and Orndorff look for Bret.

Package on Page vs. Bagwell, which makes sense, even though they never actually showed what started the thing.

Kimberly comes out to talk about various challenges before Gene gets to the point: why are she and Page having issues? Apparently Page doesn’t like Kimberly getting too involved with all the people at work but this isn’t about Bagwell. Gene: “How are things in the bedroom at home?” I’m wrapping this up quickly: Kimberly says this is private and doesn’t refute anything Bagwell has said other than she’s taller than he says.

MY GOODNESS stop treating the women on these shows like this. Madusa is stripped and covered in sauce, Midnight is beaten up and blamed for splitting up a team and now Kimberly is basically called a sl** who has been with every member of the locker room as Gene asks her about her sex life. This gets more and more ridiculous every day and it’s getting sickening.

Sid and Benoit are ready for tonight as well as Sunday.

Sid Vicious/Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett/Kevin Nash

Jeff promises to take Benoit apart on Sunday but gets cut off by Sid. It’s a big brawl to start with Benoit taking Nash to the floor as Sid hammers on Jeff in the corner. Well it’s not like Jeff can look any worse at this point. A big boot sets up a chokeslam but Nash comes in off the apron to break it up. Nash and Sid pair off as Jeff and Benoit fight to the back of the arena. This is firmly in the “it’s technically a match” category. Benoit comes back for a save but gets double teamed as the referee tries to keep this straight.

Jeff puts on the sleeper and of course gets reversed. He does however mix things up by jawbreaking his way out instead of using a suplex. Benoit grabs the ropes to avoid a dropkick and catapults Jeff into the corner. Nash breaks up the Crossface and everything breaks down again. They send Benoit to the floor and Nash blasts Sid with the US Title. Jeff tries the same thing on Benoit but eats a suplex. The Swan Dive is broken up and Nash shoves Benoit onto the belt, setting up the Stroke for the pin.

Rating: D. Total Attitude Era style main event here with neither team looking particularly good. I’m still not sure why I’m supposed to care about Sid vs. Hart on Sunday when they’ve barely interacted or why Nash being commissioner is going to be interesting (you know he’s going over Funk) but the wrestling isn’t helping anything.

Scott Steiner is out cold under a table and Bret is gone.

Bret, covered in bruises, walks outside but says he isn’t leaving like that. Ignore his hair clearly under the back of his hat.

It’s time for our big closing segment with Bret coming to the ring with a pipe. He wants the NWO out here right now so here are Nash and Jarrett with ball bats. Remember when people fought with their fists instead of metal objects? Bret gets beaten down so Anderson (with a bucket. A bucket?) and Funk (branding iron) come out. Didn’t Funk say he didn’t care? The old guys clean house but Funk thinks something is up.

Anderson throws the bucket of water on Bret, cleaning the bruises off his face. As you should have seen coming, Bret takes off his shirt and reveals an NWO shirt (because OF COURSE). Cue the New Age Outlaws (as Tenay calls them) but they’re quickly taken down. Sid and Benoit come out and take beatings as well, only to have Funk hit Nash low (because Sid and Benoit are worthless when compared to a legend like Funk) and go for the branding iron to end the show.

Overall Rating: SLRAMYBIBAWRPFBYAAWHNWHTAOGWCAYOPPBYATETGAJAEACDJWMAARATSTCFYHMPDAWSISGYOOAJAWFTDWRSIAYRHMDYRHDTTSOF.

For so long Russo and may you be impaled by a wild rhinoceros, preferably female, because you are a woman hating neanderthal who has treated a once great wrestling company as your own personal playground because you aren’t talented enough to get a job anywhere else and couldn’t do jack without McMahon, Austin and Rock around to save the company from your horrible movie plots disguised as wrestling stories. I’m so glad you’re out of a job and wait for the day when reality sets in and you realize how much damage you really have done to the sport of wrestling.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume III at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XOUNBEA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Thunder
Date: October 14, 1999
Location: Riverside Centroplex, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Attendance: 4,941
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Larry Zbyszko

Unfortunately this is the second half of a taping and they’ve taken Nash off commentary to make this far less entertaining than last week’s show. It’s also the go home show for Halloween Havoc but this was taped before Russo turned the promotion upside down this past Monday. Let’s get to it.

Apparently Nash scared Tenay off this week.

Norman Smiley vs. The Maestro

We delay the start so Maestro can pose a bit before getting to some amateur stuff. Maestro is a somewhat bigger guy but still moves well. His movement isn’t quite as good as Norman’s wiggling, though unfortunately there isn’t much here about Norman’s screaming gimmick. A European uppercut staggers Maestro but he takes Smiley down by the legs.

The grappling doesn’t work so Maestro hits a side slam and cranks on a chinlock. This is the match that’s supposed to make me stick around for the rest of the show. More right hands have Smiley in some trouble but he blocks two sunset flip attempts. Back up and Smiley goes to the arm before hitting the swinging slam, setting up the dance. A brawl on the floor goes nowhere so Maestro tries and fails at an implant DDT, allowing Norman to slip on Norman’s Conquest for the win.

Rating: D. I like Norman but maybe the screaming thing was good for him. The problem is that he’s just a guy in trunks doing moves to someone and that’s really not a good way to get people to notice you. The dancing and accent are only going to get you so far, as is good amateur skill. Maestro has potential to be a low level comedy character but I’m terrified of what’s coming when Russo gets hold of him.

Lash Leroux vs. Disco Inferno video.

Horace vs. MVP

That would be Dale Torborg. Horace powers him into the corner to start and drives some shoulders into the ribs. MVP gets run over a few times so he opts for dropkicks, despite being a pretty tall guy who wouldn’t usually throw dropkicks. They head outside with MVP hammering away and whipping Horace into the barricade.

Back in and Horace knees him right back to the floor as this is already going nowhere. An elbow drop gets two for Horace and he sends Horace into the steps to keep this moving at such a high rate of speed. A suplex and backbreaker get two each for Horace but he misses a charge into the corner. MVP comes back with a suplex and punches followed by a clothesline for two. Horace shrugs it off and hits a Samoan drop for the pin.

Rating: D-. This show is basically a collection of dark matches. There’s nothing to most of these matches and there’s no reason for me to want to see the majority of them, but we’re stuck sitting through them week after week. It’s clear that this show is nothing more than a dumping ground for the people that WCW doesn’t want to put on Nitro. The fact that this is going head to head with Smackdown is yet another reason why it was clear WCW had no chance against the WWF.

Video on Page vs. Flair on Sunday.

Curly Bill vs. Lash Leroux

Hudson refers to the NWO as defunct. Sweet goodness it took long enough. Curly starts fast by just kicking him in the face, once regularly and a second time to stop a charge in the corner. They head outside with Bill sending him into the steps for a move far too common around here these days. A Stunner across the top rope and a swinging neckbreaker have Lash in trouble.

They trade chops with Lash getting the worse of it, followed by a running knee from Curly. Slam, chinlock, slam, fans sit up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz out of their boredom from this match. Lash fights up with his usual stuff but can’t hit Whiplash. Curly comes back with a Fujiwara armbar but Lash is next to the ropes. In a bookend to the match, Curly charges into raised boots just like Lash did and Whiplash is good for the pin.

Rating: D. Virgil is getting six minutes on TV and is dominating about two thirds of the match and is up against a guy who will be getting a title shot on Sunday. Lash is nothing great in the ring but he’s good enough to survive being the challenger of the month to Disco Inferno. I’ll stay away from a rant about Disco being Cruiserweight Champion at this point because Lash has this odd likability about him and I find it hard to complain about his matches. Also was there any reason to have him not beat a cruiserweight here?

Road Report. Whoever this schmuck is has nothing on Lee Marshall.

The First Family wants a title shot at Halloween Havoc. Don’t they already have one?

Harlem Heat vs. Steve Regal/Dave Taylor

No entrance for Harlem Heat as they lost the titles on Monday in a non-built match, so I’m assuming this is non-title.. Regal and Booker trade arm work to start until a forearm staggers the Englishman. Off to Ray for another elbow, which freaks Regal out, sending him over to the corner for a tag. It seems that we’re in a comedy match.

Taylor comes in and gets hit in the face a lot but he uppercuts Booker to the floor for some European uppercuts from Finlay. Regal has settled down enough to work over Booker in the corner, only to miss a charge and get caught in a Rock Bottom. They stretch things out a bit by having Finlay pull Stevie off the apron, only to have the tag made just a few seconds later. Stevie comes in and cleans house, only to have the First Family come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Regal tried but even his magic can’t save a match that ends with Knobbs and Morrus running in for a DQ. Hopefully Russo gets rid of these two schmucks but for some reason I don’t think even he can overcome the powers of nepotism or the urge to give someone a juvenile name.

The Heat cleans house post match.

Video on Sid.

Video on Goldberg vs. Sid.

Video on Goldberg. My goodness cancel this show already.

Video on Berlyn vs. Armstrong.

Kendall Windham vs. Brad Armstrong

Windham hammers away to start like the big goon that he is but Brad comes back with some armdrags and right hands in the corner. They trade arm work because we haven’t seen that enough lately. Curly offers a cheap shot from the floor and rakes Brad’s back to validate his paycheck. Back in and Kendall mixes it up with a chinlock, slam and second chinlock to kill off ninety seconds.

Brad fights up with a variety of shots to the face, followed by a powerslam for two. Curly offers a distraction so Kendall can hit Brad low. That doesn’t seem to do much so Kendall shoves Brad into the referee. For the love of all things good and holy this match needed a ref bump??? A boot shot goes bad and Brad’s Russian legsweep is good for the pin.

Rating: F. Good grief just let them wrestler. Or actually wait don’t let them wrestler as I can’t handle two Redneck matches in one night. This is another bad match on a bad show which is a lame duck episode anyway and the last dying breath of the old regime before Russo and pal come in to destroy the house. That being said, END THIS SHOW ALREADY.

Halloween Havoc card.

Juventud Guerrera/Silver King vs. Blitzkrieg/Kaz Hayashi

When you need a filler, call Silver King. Juvy and Blitzkrieg start things off with some posing before Blitzkrieg nails some kicks to send Juvy over for a tag. For some reason the teams switch corners on the apron. Somehow that’s the least illogical thing on this show so far. King misses a running dropkick in the corner and gets cradled for two.

Silver gets right back into things by launching Blitzkrieg into the air for a crash before stopping to do a dance. He’s no Norman Smiley. Juvy and Kaz come in with Guerrera mocking a bow to Hayashi before kicking him down. They trade strikes until Juvy DDTs him down and hammers away in the corner. There’s the crotch chop and it’s back to Silver King who gets caught in a spinebuster from Blitzkrieg. This is an incredibly fast paced match so far.

Kaz dropkicks his partner by mistake and Silver King adds an enziguri but still can’t make the hot tag. An airplane spin into a faceplant finally allows the hot tag to Juvy, who comes in with a springboard double crossbody as everything breaks down. Blitzkrieg avoids a dive and hooks a chinlock for a well earned breather.

We take a break and come back with Juvy in a Hart Attack with Kaz playing Bret and nailing a missile dropkick. The tribute to 80s tag teams continues with Blitzkrieg playing Ax to Kaz’s Smash, if Ax could hit a springboard legdrop that is. A standing corkscrew splash gets two on Guerrera but he comes back with a running kick to the face. Silver King kicks Blitzkrieg in the back but it’s still not enough for the hot tag.

After some double teaming has him in trouble, Juvy bulldogs both heels (I think?) down and makes the hot tag. It’s off to Silver King with a double missile dropkick but Blitzkrieg sunset flips him for two. Juvy springboards in again to cross body Blitzkrieg down and the referee just counts the cover anyway. Hayashi moonsaults down onto Juvy as Silver King electric chairs Blitzkrieg for good measure. King adds a double jump moonsault but Kaz makes a diving save. Kaz dropkicks Silver King and Blitzkrieg to the floor, only to walk into the Juvy Driver for the pin.

Rating: B. This match was WAY too good for this show. It’s nothing they haven’t done before a million times but my goodness they were moving around in there. It helps that it’s on one of the worst shows I’ve seen in years so the expectations were really low coming in. Fun stuff here though and the only thing worth seeing on the show.

Rick Steiner vs. La Parka

Steiner babbles to start before taking La Parka’s head off with a Steinerline. La Parka gets in a single hiptoss before Steiner suplexes him down and whips him into the barricade. Rick’s reward for “wrestling” this way? A TV Title shot this Sunday. A release German suplex gets two back inside, followed by another belly to belly and the Steiner Bulldog for the pin. I’m so glad they had La Parka win on Monday so this could happen on Thursday.

Clips of Benoit winning the TV Title for some reason.

Hogan vs. Sting video.

Highlight video from Nitro. This was like three minutes long but the show still didn’t make sense.

Video on Luger vs. Hart.

Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell

No entrance for Buff, but to be fair he lost to La Parka on Monday. Hudson talks up that loss though, meaning the commentary was recorded later, likely due to the threat of Nash. In another casualty of the taped schedule, Bagwell is his normal self here instead of being uninterested like he was on Nitro. Luger hammers on his back to start but gets dropkicked out to the floor as things settle down. The announcers try to play it up as Bagwell getting a wakeup call on Monday, even though I’d assume he’s back to not caring on Monday.

Luger tries to get back in but gets sent right back to the floor for another beating from Bagwell. Elizabeth offers a distraction so Luger can nail Buff in the back of the head before sending him into the steps for good measure. Now it’s into the barricade before Luger slowly stomps away. Back in and Luger stomps in the corner, where you can see some of the mat coming up. Bagwell comes back by ramming him into the buckle pad over and over, only to get run over by a clothesline. Viva el chinlock for a bit before Buff makes his clothesline based comeback. Liz crotches him on top though and the Rack ends this.

Rating: D. So Bagwell’s rebound from the loss on Monday is to lose in a glorified squash here as the continuity gets all screwed up. Luger looked better here than he has in a long time, but to be fair that really isn’t saying much. I saw these two wrestle enough in 1997/1998 that I never thought I’d want to see them again, and it turns out I’m right. Oh and no mention whatsoever of Liz being guitared on Monday. Because, you know, it hadn’t happened yet.

Overall Rating: F+. I wonder if I can get watching this show covered under my insurance plan. It has to be worthy of some hospitalization. I wanted to give it the lowest passing grade possible due to that tag match but my goodness this was horrible. It’s literally the last TV show (aside from Saturday Night which meant jack by this point) from this booking era and it shows horribly. As bad as Thunder has been over the years, this is one of the worst episodes they’ve ever put on and that’s saying quite a bit.

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Today is a nasty sensation: Brian Knobbs.

As usual, just singles matches today and no Nasty Boys stuff.

The Nasty Boys got started in 1985 and Brian wouldn’t have a singles match that I can find until 1991. From Survivor Series of that year.

Team Nasty Boys vs. Team Rockers

Nasty Boys, Beverly Brothers

Rockers, Bushwhackers

This is right before the Rockers split and they’re already having issues. This is regular rules, which means individual eliminations and not one loss means both team members are gone. Butch and Knobbs get things going as Gorilla and Bobby talk about Hogan vs. Taker II. Butch hits a running knee lift and it’s off to Luke. The Whackers take over on the Nasties with a pair of double clotheslines.

The Beverly Brothers come in and do about as well as the Nasties with both Brothers taking a Battering Ram. The Rockers double dropkick the Nasties and the good guys have cleared the ring. It’s Shawn vs. Beau (the other is Blake) now as the announcers debate which guy on either team is the brains. A backbreaker puts Shawn down and it’s back to Knobbs. Luke comes in and avoids a splash in the corner but whacks his arms too much, allowing Knobbs to hit a middle rope clothesline for the elimination.

Off to Shawn vs. Sags with Jerry suplexing him down. Gorilla talks about how tonight will culminate at Tuesday in Texas. Again, screw you fans who bought this, as you just got part one. Some idiot fan stands up and poses for the camera so the shots keep cutting away a lot. The Rockers work on Sags’ arm before it’s off to Blake. Gorilla somehow can’t tell the Rockers apart, even though they pretty much look nothing alike.

A superkick puts Blake down but Beverly comes back with knees in the corner. Marty comes off the middle rope and shoves the referee for no apparent reason. It doesn’t go anywhere so I guess it was a mistake. Must be Colombian coke for Marty tonight. Off to Beau who doesn’t do much other than allow a tag to Butch who cleans house. The Beverlies double team him with a backdrop into a facejam for the pin and the elimination.

It’s Nasties/Beverlies vs. Rockers now with Marty coming in again. Marty monkey flips and ranas Beau down for two as Heenan and Gorilla trade statements of excitement. An enziguri puts Beau down again and it’s off to an armbar. It’s also off to Shawn who doesn’t do as well as you would expect against one of the Beverly Brothers. Off to Blake who jumps over Beau and lands on Shawn’s back in a move that the World’s Greatest Tag Team made famous.

Out of nowhere Shawn grabs a backslide on Beau for the pin to make it 3-1. Sags is in next as Gorilla thinks Marty should reach further for a tag. Even though the Rockers would split less than a month later, it wasn’t clear yet who would have gotten the super push. The Nasties head to the floor and Shawn clotheslines Sags off the apron and superkicks Knobbs down. Back in and Sags takes over again. Marty’s eyes are just gone and he looks awful.

Blake comes in again and gets kicked in the face, allowing for a falling tag to Marty. A big jumping back elbow takes Knobbs down and a snapmare gets two. Knobbs takes Jannetty down again and Heenan talks about Tuesday in Texas. Off to Sags with a powerslam and a belly to back suplex before it’s back to Knobbs. Marty gets his knees up to stop a middle rope splash and there’s the tag to Shawn. Everything breaks down and Marty swings Sags’ feet into Shawn’s face, resulting in Knobbs rolling Michaels up for the pin.

That leaves us with Marty vs. Blake and the Nasties which I don’t see going well for the coke head. Shawn freaks out on him before he leaves too to even further tease the tension. Marty starts with Knobbs and hits a middle rope bulldog but Jerry takes him down almost immediately and knocks him to the floor. A powerslam from Blake puts Marty down and the Nasties head to the floor. Jannetty dives on both of them and slams Blake’s face into the mat. Marty hooks a terrible looking small package on Sags but Knobbs rolls them over to give Jerry the final eliminating pin.

Rating: D. Man alive this was a long match. That’s the problem the rest of this show has created: there’s nothing else worth watching for the rest of the night and now they’re just filling in time to say that you’re getting a PPV that means something, when really you need to see the sequel to get the full thing. But hey, who cares about treating the fans right when you can get their money?

Here’s an actual singles match from April 29, 1992.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Brian Knobbs

This is during Warrior’s feud with Papa Shango so it’s an odd time all around. Warrior runs over both Nasty Boys to start but they beat him down on the floor. Why this isn’t a DQ isn’t really explained. Warrior loses a wristband and gets covered for two as Shango comes to the ring. He takes the wristband and I have a bad feeling I know where this is going. Warrior fights back and sends Brian’s face into Jerry’s armpit. Sags gets in a cheap shot with a chair for two as Brian starts fighting up. He avoids a splash and hits the clotheslines followed by the flying tackle and splash for the pin.

Rating: D. Yeah this was exactly what you would have expected from these two. It was basically a handicap match with the Nasty Boys having fallen WAY down the card by this point. Shango would curse the Warrior after the match and make him vomit pea soup because WWF was strange at times.

Here’s a six man dark match at Summerslam 1992.

Dark Match: Nasty Boys/Moutnie vs. Jim Duggan/Bushwhackers

The aisle to the ring is REALLY long so the entrances take extra time this year. Duggan is so beloved that he can get a USA chant going in London. Both teams take turns playing to the crowd before we get going. It’s a big brawl to start with the heels being rammed together in the middle of the ring before rolling to the outside. We finally start with Knobbs vs. Luke but everything breaks down almost immediately with the heels running away.

Things finally settle down with Sags clotheslining Butch down….and everything breaks down a third time in less than five minutes. Duggan sends the Bushwhackers into the corner with the battering ram to all three heels at once to fire up the crowd even more. The Nasties and Mountie are whipped into clotheslines from Duggan but a Jimmy Hart distraction finally lets the heels jump Luke from behind to take over.

The fans chant USA as Mountie hits a jumping back elbow to take down the New Zealander Luke. The Nasties choke away in the corner as Vince is freaking out over the rules being broken this badly. Sags and Mountie both hook reverse chinlocks as the classic six man tag formula is in full effect. Knobbs comes in for a hard whip into the corner but a middle rope splash hits boot. The hot tag brings in Duggan to clean house with clothesline after clothesline. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Battering Ram, the three point clothesline and a missed top rope elbow from Sags to Mountie for the pin by Duggan.

Rating: C+. This was an extended but nicely done tag match. The fans were WAY into Duggan and the pop for the win was a nice response for a dark match. I was surprised by how well this match worked. Most dark matches just drag along and are nothing but rest holds and punching/kicking but this went nearly thirteen minutes and never got dull.

Another Survivor Series match in 1992.

Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters vs. Beverly Brothers/Money Inc

Money Inc has the tag titles and are about to fight the Nasty Boys. This is one of those “when one guy gets pinned, both team members are out” deals, so it’s a max of three falls to end this match. We start with Typhoon vs. Blake Beverly and it’s a strut off. Typhoon starts throwing Blake around and puts him in an over the shoulder backbreaker so he can hand him off to Quake for a bearhug.

Beau tries to cheat to help his brother but it only results in a double splash from both Disasters in the corner. Off to Knobbs as the fans aren’t interested in this match at all. Knobbs runs Blake over with clotheslines and brings in Jerry who finally allows a tag to Beau. A pumphandle slam puts Beau down but he no sells it for some reason. Off to DiBiase who can’t suplex Sags, so Sags suplexes him.

Off to IRS who Jerry hiptosses down. The limited selling continues as IRS gets up and brings in Beau for a powerslam and it’s off to Blake again. Scratch that it’s Beau in now. Off to a chinlock from Blake as the Beverlies keep tagging in and out very fast. Jerry tries a quick sleeper but they wind up slamming heads to put both guys down. There’s the tag to Earqhquake and Blake is in trouble. Quake takes out all four of them and everything breaks down. For some reason Beau tries a crucifix on Typhoon and gets crushed for his efforts. The Earthquake from Earthquake eliminates the Beverlies and it’s 4-2.

DiBiase comes in to face Earthquake but gets beaten up by all four opponents in short order. Back to Quake who misses a splash in the corner and Money Inc double suplexes the fatter man down. IRS gets two off the suplex and picks him up to freak Bobby out again. Back to DiBiase as the fans are all over IRS. IRS chokes away on Quake some more and it’s back to DiBiase for some chops.

A middle rope double ax by Ted gets two so here’s IRS again. The champs do tag in and out quite well. Quake clotheslines IRS down and finally makes the hot tag to Typhoon. House is cleaned and a splash crushes IRS. DiBiase trips up Typhoon (how appropriate) and IRS gets the easy pin to tie it up, but Jerry runs in and rolls up IRS for the fast pin to win.

Rating: C. Not bad here but the ending kind of sucked. What was the point in having the Nasties beat Money Inc that fast when the majority of the match was about the Disasters vs. Money Inc? The Nasties were basically there to fill in a spot instead of being the focus of the match for their team. Odd indeed but it was entertaining enough.

We’ll jump ahead to WCW in 1993 where Brian took part in the Battlebowl competition.

Brian Knobbs/Johnny B. Badd vs. Paul Roma/Erik Watts

Watts is the son of Bill Watts and is AWFUL. He’s here because of his daddy and absolutely nothing else. Something tells me this is going to be absolutely awful. Roma is a Horseman here for no apparent reason at all. No entrance music at all for any guy which is odd to see. The Nasty Boys are tag champions here so Knobbs isn’t happy here. The main attraction here is how bad can Watts be.

Badd and Roma, the more talented guys on their teams (keep in mind that Badd is rather young here and hasn’t hit his stride just yet) start us off. Roma is in long white tights here which just looks completely out of place for a heel. At least I think he’s a heel. Based on commentary he’s a face. It’s a bit confusing since almost everyone hated him. He can’t even do a backdrop. Decent dropkick though.

Comedy time as Watts is here. Watts hits a dropkick to the elbow to put Knobbs on the floor. Badd comes in to try to save this and they shake hands. We transition from that to hearing about Cactus Jack being a spiritual advisor, which translates into talking about manager of the year. LOTS of basic stuff from all four guys which is the problem. There’s no flow at all to the match. Badd will do ok and then Knobbs will come in and screw everything up.

None of the wrestling is any good but whatever. To say Watts is limited in the ring is the understatement of the year. Roma gets a powerslam for what would be two but Missy has the referee. She manages the Nasty Boys which I think I forgot to mention. This has been going almost ten minutes already, which is the problem with these shows. The matches go on forever because we have nothing else to air, but the matches completely suck more often than not.

We waste a bunch of time to do nothing at all on the floor. Tony talks a bit like a heel and Jesse says how proud he is of him. They speculate that the winner tonight will have a title shot more than likely, be it the TV Title, the US Title or the World Title. I’m not sure which to make fun of: the statement or the match. Watts gets the hot tag and he unleashes his clotheslines. The announcers argue about some quarterback whose name I missed as Knobbs rolls through a cross body and uses the tights for the pin.

Rating: D-. This got 13 minutes for no apparent reason other than WCW was mad at us or something I guess. Watts never was any good and you can’t blame him for being thrown out there when he flat out wasn’t ready. They never got out of doing basic stuff for nearly 13 minutes. If this was like 5 minutes long it’s bearable, but just way too long and not nearly enough talent to go around.

And the Battlebowl itself later in the night.

Battlebowl

Cactus Jack, Vader, Johnny B. Badd, Brian Knobbs, Shockmaster, Paul Orndorff, King Kong, Dustin Rhodes, Sting, Jerry Sags, Steve Austin, Ric Flair, Ric Rude, Shanghai Pierce, Hawk, Rip Rogers

This is just a battle royal with 16 men in int. Yeah that’s all there is going on here. Just to waste time the guys don’t start coming out until after the announcements are done. Rogers can barely move after earlier. Hawk vs. Vader isn’t as much of a train wreck as you’d expect. I really don’t like watching these matches for reviews as there’s nothing to call. Rogers is out first.

We do the stupid split screen for no apparent reason. Oh it’s to show Rogers going out. Pierce is out second. It’s a lot of filling time as we’re about two hours into the show at this point. Badd is out and Penzer kind of messes up the elimination. It comes out as “Johnny B Badd……eliminated…….from Battlebowl.” Just sounded weird but it’s BY FAR the most interesting thing at the moment.

People are literally just standing there waiting on anything to happen. Someone goes out but something tells me it doesn’t matter. Kong is out. Shockmaster is out. Oh apparently the other guy was Cactus. Orndorff is out. That was very rapid fire and we have like 9 left or so. Sting goes to the ramp but that’s not an elimination because I guess that’s not the planned elimination for Sting.

Yeah 9 left and I don’t really care enough to count them all. The worst part is that there is some awesome talent in there (Sting, Flair, Vader, Rude, Rhodes, Austin, Nasty Boys and Hawk, so 6/9 are at least good) and this is still horrible. Actually the Nasties and Hawk are at their best in brawls so they’re all good in this kind of match. And yet it’s still boring.

Everyone just kind of brawls around and nothing is happening at all. Dustin and Austin head to the floor to fight it out a bit. Flair and Vader fight it out which gets NO reaction at all. Rhodes is busted as Austin is back in now. Austin beats on Rhodes as we kind of pair off. For no reason at all Sting/Hawk would get a tag title shot at Starrcade (in a match that went THIRTY MINUTES and ended in a DQ) so they fight for awhile.

The fans are dying more every second. Rhodes puts out the Nasties and Austin puts him out in like 4 seconds to get us down to six. Rude and Hawk are out too so it’s Austin, Sting, Flair and Vader. There’s a great tag match in there somewhere. Race pulls Flair to the ramp and they slug it out a bit which brings a small smile to my face. Naturally no one says anything about their epic rivalry but that might be interesting so we’ll steer clear of it.

Everyone leaves the ring to fight on the ramp for awhile. No one went over the top so they’re all still in. Stuff like this makes my head hurt as it makes the whole match just seem completely pointless. Vader hits Flair with a splash on the ramp and gets stretchered out to take him out of the match. Now logical booking would have him come back and make a big heroic win by throwing Vader out to build drama to Starrcade. How much do you want to bet that doesn’t happen and Vader wins clean?

Back in the ring Vader and Austin both go for top rope splashes on Sting but the only face left fights them both off. He does what would become known as a spear to Vader as the fans chant Whomp There it is for no apparent reason. Vader splashes the heck out of Sting to take him down. Lots of splashes follow but Sting finally gets away and slugs it out with Austin.

He makes the Superman comeback and the chant starts up again for no apparent reason. That lasts about 30 seconds as they beat on him some more. Vader hurts his back on a Vader Bomb. A corner splash misses and Sting throws Austin to the ramp. Vader knocks him over and Austin falls off the ramp to eliminate him. That’s something I’d book in OCW.

This leaves us with Vader vs. Sting, with the logical booking being give it to Sting I guess so my money is on Vader. Sting does the falling headbutt into the groin spot which is one of my favorites. He gets the always awesome fireman’s carry of Vader. Sting’s strength is always underrated. Sting misses the Splash though and falls out so Vader wins to end the show.

Rating: D. A boring battle royal to end a boring show. Isn’t that appropriate? This was just a weak match that went on FAR too long. A 16 man battle royal got nearly half an hour. At least with 91 they had two rings so the double elimination thing ate up some time. This was just boring on so many levels.

Brian would take part in WarGames at Fall Brawl 1994.

War Games: Stud Stable vs. Team Rhodes

Stud Stable: Robert Parker, Bunkhouse Buck, Terry Funk, Arn Anderson
Team Rhodes: Dustin Rhodes, Dusty Rhodes, Nasty Boys

So yeah, Dusty Rhodes is in the main event as are the Nasty Boys and Bunkhouse Buck and a manager. We can’t have Sting or Vader or someone interesting in there. Arn Anderson is the biggest star at the current time in there. For those of you that haven’t ever seen one of these, here are the rules. We start with one guy from each team and they fight for five minutes.

Keep in mind that it’s two rings and one cage over the whole thing mind you. After the five minutes are up, we have a coin toss which the heels literally never lost. Whoever wins (the heels) send in their second man and that team has a 2-1 advantage for two minutes. After the two minutes are up, the team that lost the toss sends in its second man to make it 2-2 for two minutes.

After that two minutes, it goes to 3-2 and alternates back and forth for two minutes each until everyone is in. Then and only then can you win the match and only by submission. In other words, you’re guaranteed seventeen minutes passing by before the match can actually end. This gimmick is by far and away my all time favorite and it really is a huge deal. Thankfully Dusty has a shirt on.

When the Nasty Boys name graphic comes up we see Dustin Rhodes. Nice one guys. Oh and Dusty is team captain despite not wrestling in years. We start with Dustin and Arn, who are the only two of reasonable age with talent so that’s the best choice I guess. They actually have a cameraman in the cage. I like that. Arn does the same spot he always does of having his head put between the rings.

They start off fairly generic as most of these matches did. Dustin gets a nice jump over both sets of ropes from one ring to another. Nice spot. You can see that in reality the heels lost the coin toss as they call tails and after the referee loses the quarter that it comes up tails but the heels win. Bunkhouse Buck comes in to make it 2-1.

Good night this is boring so far. And since Dusty wouldn’t book himself anything but last to save his fat life the savior is a Nasty Boy. That just doesn’t blow my skirt up. The heels put on a double Boston Crab because that sells PPVs blast it. Jerry Sags ties it up. I can’t believe this is actually main eventing a PPV. The crowd is still somehow hot which stuns me. Oh looks it’s a sleeper.

Given the four guys left it’s pretty simple who goes in next for each team. Funk tries to throw a chair in but forgets there’s a roof. Funk is in and it’s 3-2. He hits people with his boot that he removed. Funk falls down through the rings and hits the floor, which means he could just crawl out under the ring but whatever. Of course Knobbs is next to tie us up. Brian Knobbs is making the save. How in the world does this make sense?

Oh Dusty has a shirt that says Nasty Dream. If not it’s perfect. Parker is the only entertaining thing here and I usually can’t stand him. I wonder what they would do to him if he didn’t go in. There are no DQs remember. He finally gets in and hurts his hand throwing a punch. Dustin has a belt from somewhere. Everyone is just waiting around for Dusty to get in and take all the glory.

It was so painfully obvious that he would be the one getting the win because his name is Dusty Rhodes and he could rival Hogan as far as ego went. Of course he can fight off all three heel wrestlers with no issue. Heenan calls him a Brahma Bull which is amusing to me. About 40 seconds after he gets in he puts a figure four that completely sucks on Parker and the Nastys drop about 30 elbows on him for the submission. How Dustin is able to fight off all three guys isn’t answered but whatever. DUSTY REIGNS! That ends the show.

Rating: D+. They managed to screw up War Games. That’s just freaking impressive. Seriously, look at these people and realize that it’s 1994. That sums up the whole issue with this. If it were 1987 this would have been fine but get with the times people. Dusty and the Nastys? REALLY? Anyone that wants to try to convince me that this wasn’t Hogan’s doing, let me know.

We’re going to jump WAY ahead now to Nitro on April 19, 1999 as Sags has retired and Brian is friends with Hogan so he gets a job and a push in the hardcore division.

Brian Knobbs vs. Hardcore Hak

This is a garbage can match or something like that. Brian hammers Hak with a can as he comes in but Chastity slides in some extra weapons for them to use. We get a Pit Stop for old times’ sake and Hak is sent out to the floor. Hak sends him into the post and a cameraman goes down. It’s already table time but Knobbs nails him in the back with a chair.

Hak comes back with a ladder as you can barely see the mat at this point. There’s no wrestling in between these spots. Hak bulldogs him onto the ladder and sets up the table in the middle of the ring. He misses a Swanton though and mostly breaks the table to give Brian a two count. We get the Terry Funk spinning ladder spot to put Hak down but Chasitity takes Knobbs’ kendo stick away. Not that it matters as a pair of trashcan shots is enough to pin Hak.

Rating: D-. Remember the good tag match and the really good four way? This was nothing like those matches. As is usually the case with these things, the best part of it was it only ran about seven minutes. On the other hand, I could have spent those seven minutes doing something more constructive, like ripping my fingernails out with rusty pliers.

Another match from the next week if the point wasn’t clear enough yet.

Brian Knobbs vs. Hardcore Hak vs. Horace vs. Mikey Whipwreck

This is hardcore and the winner of this gets Bigelow at the PPV. Everyone has a kendo stick and Hak stays on the floor to start. He finally gets in and all three guys beat him down with the sticks. Knobbs brings in a ladder to splash onto Hak for two. We actually take a break in this match and come back to see Horace hitting Knobbs with a Surge barrel.

Brian nails Hak with a ladder but Hak knocks him to the floor. A table is set up on the floor but Knobbs uses the weapons cart on Hak. Back in the ring and Horace kicks Mikey in the face as Knobbs chairs Hak. Mikey drops a leg onto a chair onto Brian’s head as the table has been bridged between the apron and barricade.

The Surge container comes back in and Hak slides in another table. Horace beats on Hak with the weightlifting belt on the floor as Chastity sprays someone with the fire extinguisher. Hak dives over the top but only hits table but pops right up to nail Knobbs with a stick. Not that it matters as Knobbs sends Hak to the floor and drops the ladder on Mikey for the pin.

Rating: F. When half of the people in your match have jobs because of Hulk Hogan, you can tell it’s not going to be much to see. This was the usual hardcore mess with nothing interesting save for some product placement from Surge. These are getting less and less interesting and it’s going to get even worse in the future.

And a third match from Slamboree 1999.

King of Hardcore: Brian Knobs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

I think the title is vacant coming in but you can’t really tell with this company. We get a bonus stipulation for the match: falls count anywhere. I guess that’s only standard in WWF hardcore rules. Neither guy has music. They start with the weapons early and Brian nails him with a waiter’s tray and cookie sheet. Bigelow botches raising his feet in the corner by kicking the trashcan when it’s down by Brian’s knees. Bam Bam puts him on his shoulder for something like a backwards suplex into a Diamond Cutter for two.

The top rope headbutt gets two for Bigelow as the announcers get in a stupid argument over talking when the weapons hit. Knobs misses a chair shot and falls out to the floor to really make it hardcore. Bigelow sends him into the steps and hits Brian with various metal weapons. He uses a pair of trashcan lids like cymbals around Knobs’ head and hits a LOUD cookie sheet to the head.

Both guys are already looking spent. Bigelow is sent into the weapons cart but Brian misses a charge into it as well. Brian gets a mop bucket put on his head and a punch makes things even worse. The fans want tables but get a chair to Knobs’ ribs instead. They fight over to the souvenir stand that is there for them to fight in. Off to backstage (complete with a shot of about 10,000-15,000 empty seats. Remember that this is a football stadium) and swing a ladder at each other. Knobs dives off a ledge onto Bigelow to drive him through a table. Naturally he jumps too far and just crashes because this match is a disaster. Bigelow suplexes him through the table for the win.

Rating: D-. Heenan’s line of “And they do this for a living” sums up the whole thing. The fact that these people make more money than I likely will in years makes me feel very very sad, though that might be due to the last twenty five minutes of whatever it was that I’ve had to sit through. Between Stevie’s lame chinlock and this mess, I need something good to cleanse the pallet.

Off to another tag match at Halloween Havoc 1999.

Tag Titles: Konnan/Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat vs. Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobbs

Morrus/Knobbs are the First Family and are managed by Hart. This is under hardcore rules and there are two referees. Remember that. Kidman and Konnan have the belts and wear them out despite not being champions. They’re thieves apparently and have stolen Flair’s socks. The first shot of the match is Knobbs hitting Ray with a trashcan and the brawl begins.

Yep it’s a big mess. Booker throws Knobbs into the first row and the cameramen can’t keep up with everything. This is a case where split screen would be a good idea. The First Family screws up a bit and Morrus takes a trashcan shot. Jimmy gets caught in the ring and runs as Booker stalks him. Knobbs makes the save, pelting a trashcan at him. I don’t mind it as much when you can get the pin out there.

Knobbs is double teamed by the Heat who send him through a casket. Kidman is dropped on a chair as the Heat beat up Knobbs in the back. Scratch that as the Heat screw up and it’s table time back in the arena. Morrus hits his moonsault on Konnan through the table. We cut to the back to see Stevie hit Knobbs with a mummy and Booker gets the pin. 26 seconds later, Kidman pins Morrus (via something we totally miss) and we have a controversy. Not really, but it’s WCW so logic and the laws of time and space take a backseat to Russo’s brain.

Rating: F. This wasn’t wrestling. This was proof that the Hardcore matches in WWF had some logic and thinking behind them. Let that sink in for a few seconds. This was junk and the “controversy” was really stupid because there were two referees and Harlem Heat clearly got the pin far earlier. Kidman and Konnan would win the titles the next night, making this whole thing totally pointless.

Since WCW loved tournaments, Brian Knobbs was part of a 64 man tournament for the World Title, starting on Nitro, October 25, 1999.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round; Brian Knobbs vs. Sting

This is WCW in 1999 so there are no rules, allowing Sting to hit Brian with the bat for the pin in about four seconds.

Time for some Hardcore Titles, so we’ll start at Mayhem 1999.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobs vs. Norman Smiley

This is a tournament final to determine the first champion. Smiley comes out in a Maple Leafs jersey. The Hardcore Title is the exact same shape as the ECW World Title. Knobs takes over to start with some weapon shots. He’s in an old school Nasty Boys shirt while Norman is in full hockey gear minus the helmet. A middle rope trashcan shot misses so Norman cracks him in the head with it.

Norman gets the hockey stick and Tony tries to sound like he knows something about hockey. The Big Wiggle is broken up and there go the shin guards. Why are wrestlers so obsessed with taking opponents’ clothes off? Jimmy Hart jumps on Norman’s back and Norman gets to have his one instance of physical dominance. They head to the back with Knobs hitting him in the head and Norman stumbles back to the entrance.

There’s a camera waiting on them and Norman gets in a chair shot to the ribs. It’s your usual hardcore match from the late 90s meaning there’s a table set up with Norman going head first into it. Knobs goes into a bunch of boxes which are empty. He screams anyway because he’s Screamin Norman Smiley. They get to the food stuff and not yet prepared food is tossed around. They fight into an elevator and the door shuts. Jimmy opens it up but when he swings the trashcan it hits Knobs and Norman gets the pin and the title. Yes, Jimmy Hart just physically ended a match.

Rating: D+. It’s a hardcore match from the late 90s. The problem is that it’s Brian Knobs in there instead of someone that means something anymore. In WWF this would have been people like Al Snow or Road Dogg, as in people still relevant at the time. This wasn’t anything of note and is the same match you would see a dozen times over the next year on PPV.

And again at Souled Out 2000.

Brian Knobbs vs. Meng vs. Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay

This is called Four the Hard Way but it’s really just a fatal fourway. This is during the Smiley is scared of hardcore matches period. Knobbs and Finlay are dressed alike as the idea here is that Finlay trained him to be a hardcore guy. Yes, Brian Knobbs is a champion in the year 2000. Smiley tries a trashcan shot to Meng’s head which fails miserably.

It’s one of those hardcore matches that you’ve seen a few million times in WCW as it’s not incredibly interesting but they’re kind of entertaining for the sake of being what they are. Everyone beats up Norman and nothing hurts Meng, namely due to that big thing of hair. Here’s a table and some bad chair shots. Finlay and Smiley go into the crowd which lasts about four seconds. This is one of those matches that needs to end. Knobbs is out mostly so Smiley goes near him. Smiley gets hit with his own riot shield and this is finally over.

Rating: D-. I mean dude, what do you want me to say here? It’s a hardcore match. Like I said, if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen a million of them since there isn’t anything different about any of them for the most part. The title never died of course as WCW kept this joke up for another YEAR. They never learned at all.

From SuperBrawl 2000.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow is champion and brings a bunch of weapons with him. Knobbs has a broken arm thanks to Lex Luger which is a habit of his lately. Knobbs comes out to a version of….My Sharona? It sounds like something Mickie James would come out to. They both grab weapons and hit the floor with Brian running away. Finlay is in the aisle with a broken arm/hand of his own.

They go over to the WCW.com area and it’s your typical hardcore brawl. They’re in the back now and Knobbs goes through a table. Finlay makes it a handicap match but Knobbs wants to do it on his own. They walk back to the ring and it’s table time. Madden asks who puts the tables there and Tony says whoever makes them must make a fortune. He’s right too as they have what, 10 a night?

The table is set up in the corner by Brian, meaning he’s going through it according to wrestling law #5. Yep there it is via a splash. The announcers say Tony is smart for calling that or whatever. Greetings From Asbury Park gets no cover because Bigelow isn’t that smart. Bigelow goes after Finlay but gets caught with a cast shot and Brian My Sharona Knobbs is champion.

Rating: D+. Seriously, what was the point of this? They were really trying to capitalize on the hardcore thing after WWF did almost every goofy idea with it ever to this point? The match was nothing of note, mainly due to it being Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow. Finlay served no purpose here and the whole thing was a waste of time.

We’ll wrap it up with maybe Brian’s most impressive singles performance ever, at Uncensored 2000.

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

Knobbs is challenging and has to beat all three guys. Apparently it’s a gauntlet match. 3 Count does their dancing thing and then Tony says “Wait a second. How can we do this after what we just saw?” He’s talking about Crowbar and apparently it took him three minutes to realize how distraught he was. They talk about stopping the show, and the thought occurs to me that this could somehow be a commentary on Vince not stopping the show after Owen fell last year. If that’s the case, this company deserves to die more than anything I’ve ever seen.

Anyway, Knobbs wastes some time looking for weapons before the match starts. Knobbs is all upset by Crowbar apparently. As he’s putting the weapons in one of the champions jumps off the top with a kendo stick to drill him. By gauntlet apparently they mean handicap elimination because they’re all out there at once. Knobbs cleans house and uses the Pit Stop on all three of them. Helms gets a chair shot to take over and sends Knobbs into a ladder in the corner.

Splash off said ladder gets no cover because the other two have to go up for splashes also. Karagis uses a corkscrew one and Moore’s Swanton misses. With Knobbs crawling away for weapons, 3 Count turns their back on him for a dance sequence. Helms has a chair on his face and Knobbs hits the chair with a mop to eliminate him. He had a broken nose so that’s more painful than it sounds.

It’s Table Time and after walking around for awhile, Knobbs powerbombs Karagis over the top rope through the table which more or less explodes. Helms is still around and beats on Knobbs a bit to no avail. Tony calls a chair shot a table shot because he’s not very smart. Another table is sent in while Moore is out cold. Moore manages to get a pin when Knobbs trips over something, but it’s a DUSTY FINISH due to Knobbs’ foot being on the ropes. In a freaking ow man moment, Knobbs throws a ladder over the top rope to land on Karagis who is still down. Middle rope garbage can shot gives Knobbs the title back.

Rating: D+. Somehow this might be the match of the night so far and it was a Brian Knobbs showcase match. Why in the world is this happening in the year 2000? And with a freaking Dusty Finish of all things. It was fine for a weapons match I guess, but there was never any doubt of the finish. Why in the world was this on PPV in 2000 though?

Brian Knobs was part of a successful tag team but his single stuff is…well there’s no other way to put it: it’s really, really bad. He’s a great endorsement for cronyism though as being friends with Hogan have kept him and Sags employed for years on end, despite the fact that they’ve just been brawlers for almost all of their careers. The guy certainly has charisma though and that’s more important than technical ability most of the time. Definitely stick to the tag team stuff though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Millennium Final
Date: November 16, 2000
Location: Arena Oberhausen, Oberhausen, Germany
Attendance: 9,000

Most of you likely haven’t heard of this show and I can’t say that I blame you. In the dying days of WCW, they woke up and did what WWF had been doing for years: going after Europe, and this was the result. It was only aired in Germany and parts of Europe and never once mentioned on American TV or put released to the American market.

There’s a weird and over the top thing for the European Cup which hasn’t been around since 1994 and a world title match with Booker T and Scott Steiner. I’ve never seen this so let’s get to it.

It’s never explained why the Millennium Final is being held 11 months into the millennium but I think that might be too much for WCW to get so I’ll leave it alone. Ah apparently it was the Millennium Tour and this is the FINAL night, even though I’ve found matches dated from December so whatever. Mind you that commentary here is all in German so I’m kind of on my own here. There’s no intro or anything other than pyro and we’re right into our first match.

Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Kronik

Naturally the commentary is in German but the announcer speaks English. They were out of business in five months and it’s not hard to see why at this rate. The small guys are actually heels here. Make sense out of that. Kronik are Crush and Adam Bomb. I loved them but they just kind of sucked. Kronik’s finisher was a double chokeslam called High Time.

Why they made a ton of pot jokes is beyond me but whatever. Adams and Kidman start and I have no idea who the faces are all of a sudden. The big guys were way over but they’re being booed here. Oh how I love WCW from this era. Nothing makes sense and they have no problem with it at all. What do you really expect to happen here? Rey didn’t become a big deal until WWE so he’s a regular cruiserweight here.

Tygress, the manager of the Filthy Animals, and yes that’s really their name, was just disturbing looking. She wasn’t hot at all but they decided she was I guess. And hey look here, the faces are dominating and then Kidman walks into the double chokeslam for the pin. That was freaking stupid.

Rating: D. Holy goodness this was BORING. I never thought an 8 minute match could be so stupid but I was wrong. I mean just NOTHING interesting happened here. This was so uninspired it was pathetic. No one cared at all and it just was painfully obvious. The crowd was into it but that’s all they had going for it.

Watch WCW television. Or try the veal. I’m not sure what was actually said here.

Battle Royal

Apparently the winner here qualifies for another qualifying match later on to fight in the Europe Cup Title Match where Sting is already in. The winner here gets into a triple threat with Nash and Alex Wright, who is already in this match, making his entry completely pointless but then again it’s WCW so there we are. And apparently this is Royal Rumble style. Ok then. We start with Elix Skipper and Lance Storm as this continues to make less and less since every few seconds.

They’re teammates here so they just kill time until the next guy shows up and it’s General Rection, more commonly known as Bill DeMott. Rection and Storm were feuding over the US/Canadian Title so it fits perfectly. It’s it funny how that always happens? The time is like a minute here as Ernest Miller is 4th. He was commissioner on and off around this time as control changed about once a week literally.

And there’s your obligatory stupid USA chant in a non American country. Mike Sanders who is apparently Commissioner of the Week is 5th. The guy could talk and that’s it. Skipper throws the WORST kicks I have ever seen. That 70s Guy Mike Awesome is 6th. Now let’s stop for a second here. For those of you that saw Awesome in ECW, you know he’s a killing machine.

He’s 6’6 and could fly like a cruiserweight. The guy was a freaking monster. So what did WCW do with him? They turned him into a guy obsessed with the 70s and made him love fat women. WCW, you deserved to go out of business. You know what his original gimmick in WCW was: The Career Killer. Think of Orton but in Swagger’s body and TICKED OFF. No we can’t have that. That kind of gimmick could be, and perish the thought, GOOD!

We can’t have that, so we’ll turn him into the Fat Chick Thriller. WCW stuns me to no end at times. Actually make that all the time. At least he’s in his regular attire here. Kwee Wee, another gay character that never says he’s gay, is 7th. The music in late WCW just plain sucked. Storm goes out. Nothing of note is happening at all, meaning it’s a traditional battle royal. Disco Inferno, a face believe it or not, is 8th and there goes Miller.

The time thing is completely off as usual. Ninth is Kidman who is holding his ribs from all of 15 minutes ago. Again, this is just boring. Nothing of note is going on and the crowd is dying. This really shouldn’t have been Rumble rules. Apparently Kronik come out as a unit, so we’ll call them ten and eleven. They throw out Rection, Kwee Wee and Skipper. Sanders and Disco are out too and it’s Rey out at 12.

Awesome goes through the ropes, so they actually go with the same match we saw LESS THAN TWENTY MINUTES AGO. The stupidity here is astounding. Sean O’Haire is thirteenth as we have five to go. Kidman is out and so is Rey. AND WHAT A SHOCK it’s Sean’s partner Mark Jindrak in next to give us another tag match. Awesome is just hiding on the floor which is smart if nothing else, even though he’s supposed to be a monster but when would WCW use intelligence.

Norman Smiley is 15th to a huge pop. The four guys gang up on him and with little trouble after the worst piledriver this side of a backyard wrestling fed. Alex Wright, the hometown boy, gets a fairly weak pop at number 16. He’s bald now as he had been Berlyn recently. Out last is Konnan for no apparent reason. Ok so the final group is Adams, Clark, Jindrak, O’Haire, Smiley, Wright and Konnan.

Oh and Awesome who is hiding. And I miscounted so the final guy is Finlay. Well he get a good pop if nothing else so that’s good. He puts Kronik out so he’s a superhero. And we have a chair in there for no apparent reason. Smiley puts O’Haire out. Jindrak is out. Finlay puts Smiley out so it’s Konnan, Finlay, Wright, and Awesome and there goes Konnan.

Finlay has the chair but throws it down due to stupidity I guess. Wright puts Finlay out with a dropkick and celebrates to a sweet pop as the hometown boy winning the match. And then here’s Awesome to say SCREW YOU to the fans and win the match. Good night WCW was freaking stupid.

Rating: D. It’s a battle royal so it’s hard to grade, but the booking was just stupid here for reasons already explained. Awesome was fine but then again I mark for him so it’s not that easy. The booking for this show is just all over the place as you’ll soon find out.

Kwee Wee vs. Elix Skipper

Since his real name is Alan Funk, we’re calling the first guy Alan. He was a character that was kind of a combination of Rico and something else resembling Rico that lacked the talent or the intrigue. Skipper was more or less just a regular cruiserweight at this point so this is really just filler. Alan and Skipper actually feuded but it went nowhere given the whole going out of business thing.

For some reason I was always a mark for Skipper. I have no idea why but I was. Surprisingly this isn’t bad. Also much like Rico, Alan was a guy that couldn’t get a break because of his gimmick. He was far more talented than he was made out to be and he shows it here. They do some solid chain wrestling that I like. A common thing tonight is that these matches are getting a good amount of time and that’s rather nice.

Guys like these two that don’t often get to showcase themselves are getting to do so, but they’re a bit tired after the battle royal which sucks. This is pretty good stuff, but Skipper looks terrible as he has to job again. The guy had talent but he was always jobbing. To be fair though the gimmick didn’t help things at all. He almost hits the Playmaker but it’s countered and Alan gets a quick rollup for the pin.

Rating: C+. Ending kind of sucked but WCW’s strategy with small guys was simple: let them wrestle and it’ll work. They never messed with these guys and it helped a lot, but at the same time they just left them there when they were ready to move on up and that’s what killed the company off in the end, at least for me.

Ernest Miller says he runs WCW. Good to know.

Ernest Miller vs. Mike Sanders

This is for the Commissionership, which of course makes sense in a major company: have two men fight to see who the boss is. This was another of the mindlessly dumb feuds they had over who got to be boss like 18 or whatever. I think Sanders is commissioner coming in here. And it’s a two minute match with the Cat winning with a spinkick. I hated these things back then and I hate them now.

Rating: N/A. It’s stupid so it must be WCW. Miller was a guy that I never got the appeal of so he kept getting pushed further and further up the card. I was surprised he never won the world title because it would have failed that much better.

US Title: General Rection vs. Lance Storm

Storm had been pushed as the greatest thing on the planet, winning every singles title other than the World all at once, but now this was all he had left. This was allegedly a hot feud back in the day but I never saw nor felt any of said heat. Morrus starts off hot. Ok that’s a lie. He starts off moderately not cold as I don’t think hot was something he was capable of ever reaching.

This is as much of a cookie cutter of a match as you could ask for. Oh and Major Gunns is at ringside. She thought she drew what Booker and Steiner did. That’s just amusing. You can see the stupid ending coming from here so let’s just skip to that. The flag hits Morrus as he’s about to win the title. There’s about 4 minutes of Storm winning and the half crab and a comeback thrown in there but it was all boring stuff.

Rating: D+. This could have been on any house show and it still would have sucked. Morrus won the title ten days later at Mayhem so it’s not like this was anything more than practice I guess.

Random hot girls come out and dance to what sounds like a German singing a bad English song.

Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay

This is a hardcore match. WCW tried to have a hardcore division and it failed worse that a condom for Jon and Kate. Both guys are far more famous in Europe so this makes sense if nothing else. Smiley is over as all goodness here and is dressed like a Swiss guy. This is an Oktoberfest match apparently. It’s a standard basic hardcore match to start out as it’s just random weapons and Norman screaming.

I think by this point Meng had left with the hardcore belt and ended the division once and for all but I’m not sure. It was another case of WCW just putting a title on a guy with no contract and thinking that was ok. He was in WWE about two weeks later and there wasn’t a thing WCW could do about it. They brawl up to the concession/merchandise area (read as Finlay beats on him and Norman conveniently walks that way).

They’re in the crowd now and this is boring yet not awful stuff. Ah good they’re back on camera now. Yeah go ahead and chant for ECW. It’ll die in like two months anyway. Norman takes over in the ring and we hit a chinlock. We have a chinlock in a hardcore match. I don’t know what to type. Ok now I know. That’s freaking stupid. Wow how did I not get that faster? Naturally it turns into nothing but a weapons match.

Finlay keeps getting booed so he gets on the mic and yells in German which is kind of creepy in a way. We hear about Flair for no apparent reason. It’s sad that guys with this much talent have to do stupid stuff like this. We get a crossface chicken wing but Finlay goes through a table.

Finlay goes through a table feet first which looked cool and apparently is good for a pin. Norman dances for awhile and then goes to the back where he does an interview in English but Finlay jumps him. This also went nowhere.

Rating: C. It was a long TV match but that’s fine for something like this. Norman was incredibly over in America for no apparent reason and that translates worldwide I guess. This was a decent match but rather boring. There were just so many of these things that it was hard to really find one that stood out and this one didn’t at all.

Tag Titles: Boogie Knights vs. Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire

So the non dancers are the champions here, but Disco Inferno is hurt. Since we need to have a German win the belts though, we have Alex Wright teaming with General Rection for no apparent reason at all and he’s wearing a sweatshirt despite wearing tights in the previous match. Rection isn’t US Champion here as you saw a little bit ago but he’s announced as it and holds up a German flag. He and Jindrak start us off.

We hear that Wright has been inserted into the Triangle Match later on to qualify for the Europe Cup with Awesome and Nash. It’s weird but slowly and surely you get to understand German to an extent. Wright hits a sweet double nip up to get back up. That was awesome. They mention the Dancing Fools and Berlin but say tonight it’s just Alex Wright. Now why couldn’t we get this Alex Wright in America? This guy is freaking awesome.

The heels take over on Rection to set up the insanely hot tag that’s coming soon. The General looks like a fat Jeff Hardy. And we hit an arm bar ten minutes into the match. That fails to make sense but it’s WCW so whatever. The Seanton Bomb misses and there’s the hot one. Actually make that a slight fever one.

There was a tiny pop at best. And he’s getting beaten up now. This is already making my head hurt badly. I think Alex forgets to kick out of a rollup meaning that Mark has to just kind of let it go which looks completely stupid. Wright hits a missile dropkick from the top for the pin and the titles for him and Disco and a huge pop.

Rating: C-. Odd booking aside, this was all so that Wright could get a huge pop and that’s fine. He’s the hometown boy and he deserves a moment like this. I think it was mentioned on TV as a European match but Rection was never mentioned so there we are. This wasn’t bad but it wasn’t anything worth watching either. It’s your standard TV match which is fine. Not a great match but a cool moment.

Kevin Nash vs. Mike Awesome vs. Alex Wright

Dang Alex has to be getting tired out there. This is his third match tonight. The winner fights Sting who for no apparent reason is in the final match already. Oh that’s right: he drew money at one point in his career. Nash just kind of stands around because moving more than that might cause his spleen to rupture or something and he would be out two days before he could come back and get an easy win.

It amazes me that Awesome went from being a great character to such an awful one in just a few months. That’s WCW for you though. Alex is clearly tired but he’s doing what he can I guess. This is called a triangle match but it’s just a triple threat. Sorry if I don’t seem that interested in these matches but they’re just not interesting. I would guess that it’s because of the lack of commentary. Or maybe it’s just that WCW sucked so badly at this time.

Nash is in the ring now and Awesome is dominating for the most part. Wright is easily the fans’ pick to win but that’s simply not going to happen. That would mean a young guy would get a push and even in a country where that’s never going to be seen we can’t allow that right?

Nash just looks completely out of his element in there and it’s bad. With Awesome taking Nash down, Wright makes his comeback. The fans are barely popping for it. Even in another country WCW was crap. Wright puts him down with the neckbreaker but Nash is waiting. He takes Wright out and pins both guys at once to advance.

Rating: D+. They were just completely out of their element here and it hurt them badly. Wright was the only one the fans cared about but that was just because of the hometown aspect. In retrospect they should have just put him into the main event, if nothing else to give him a chance to catch his breath.

WCW Title: Scott Steiner vs. Booker T.

I believe this is match number 8000 in their eternal series. These two are more or less joined at the hip everywhere they go other than WWE and that’s probably not a good thing. Naturally the title isn’t going to chance here as Steiner would get it at Mayhem in ten days just like Morrus did earlier. This is about as formula based of a match as a human being could possibly ask for here. It’s not very good but it’ll do I suppose.

Booker starts in control and Steiner takes over. He moves. Incredibly. Slowly. Naturally he works on the back which is the closest thing to psychology you’ll get out of that roided up mess. He busts out the Frankensteiner which allegedly is a big move but I fail to see it anymore.

When you have Rey and Juvi jumping all over the place it’s just not worth much anymore. We get the Booker comeback but Steiner manages to get him down and gets the Recliner. Booker gets the ropes and then the kick to end it.

Rating: C+. Like I said this was the standard match for these two and it was ok I suppose. With about ten minutes to work with what more would you ask of them? At least it was a clean pin. It wasn’t bad I guess but they would have a, I guess you could say this, better match, in ten days anyway so this was fine for practice.

Axel Schulz is refereeing the main event. Naturally he was someone that hadn’t meant anything for about three years. You know the jokes that I’m thinking of.

Europe Cup: Sting vs. Kevin Nash

And again it’s two guys in their 40s in the main event instead of pushing a young guy to something. This match is a microcosm of everything that was wrong with WCW for its last two years: the match is sloppy, nothing new is attempted, Sting and Nash don’t really try that hard, and this pales in comparison to some of the other stuff we saw earlier, yet they’ll get their huge checks anyway. This goes on about 9 minutes and is the same thing you saw before. Sting wins by submission and holds up the cup to end the show.

Rating: D-. For all the reasons listed above plus the fact that no one cared at all. This was crap. What a shock, two old guys get to go on for a match that no one is going to care about. Why is this not surprising?

Overall Rating: D+. This was just not that good. To be fair though, most European shows aren’t. The fans were kind of there but this had nothing on an English crowd. The guys on the lower half of the card worked very hard and the guys on the main event didn’t, so it fits very well. There’s a lot of house show stuff in here and it’s just not that interesting. If you can actually find this, don’t bother watching it unless you speak German or just REALLY like WCW.

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