NWA-TNA Weekly PPV #4
Date: July 10, 2002
Location: Nashville Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Ed Ferrara, Don West

The promotion is still getting started and still in search of a top story. We have Brian Christopher turning on Scott Hall so Jeff Jarrett could b a bigger villain, Ken Shamrock doing whatever he has going on and AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn being partners who can’t stand each other. That makes for a bit of a mixed bag around here, but odds are we’ll be seeing a bunch of dumb ideas to go with those. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

We recap how AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn won the Tag Team Titles in their first match as a team (minus Low Ki that is).

Tag Team Titles: AJ Styles/Jerry Lynn vs. Disciples Of The New Church

The Disciples (Slash/Tempest, with James Mitchell) are challenging. Slash shoulders Lynn down to start but a powerslam is escaped. Lynn runs the corner for a bulldog and Styles comes in for a running flipping splash to the back. Tempest (better known as Crowbar) comes in and gets his arm cranked, followed by a kick to the face for a bonus. Back up and Tempest runs him over, only to be sent outside. That doesn’t last long as Tempest is back in to take over, including an anklescissors out of the corner.

Styles gets backdropped to the apron but comes back in with a springboard missile dropkick, allowing the tag back to Lynn. Everything breaks down and the Disciples pull a diving Styles out of the air. Lynn makes a quick save and Styles adds a Lionsault for two on Tempest. Back up and Tempest’s Death Valley Driver gets two on Styles so Slash can come back in for some rams into the buckle.

What would become James Storm’s Eye of the Storm sends Styles flying but he’s fine enough to catapult Slash into the corner. Lynn comes back in to start the comeback, including a sitout bulldog for two on Tempest. Another Death Valley Driver is broken up and Lynn hits the cradle piledriver, only for Slash to kick him in the face. Styles tags himself back in and (kind of) hits the Spiral Tap to retain at 10:37.

Rating: C+. This was a way to show that the champions who don’t quite get along can get along well enough to retain the titles, even if they were still having issues. It’s still probably the top story in the promotion at the moment, or at least the most interesting, though I’m not sure how much ground that is covering. The New Church is already looking like a bunch of losers and odds are that is going to continue without much to make it better.

Post match a bunch of pyro goes off, which seems like quite the celebration for a title defense. Lynn isn’t pleased with Styles’ celebration and walks out.

Commentary shows us the end of last week’s show, with Brian Christopher turning on Scott Hall, leading to a big Jeff Jarrett beatdown. Hall calls in and swears vengeance, with the audio from the replay drowning out his interview, because this promotion doesn’t know what it’s doing.

Here is Christopher to say it’s time for his to transition from a child to a man. For his entire life, he has been known as Jerry Lawler’s son and now, screw Jerry. His dad was a terrible father and last week, Christopher took Hall out. He tells Jerry to go to h*** and goes on a rant about how Jerry was never there so now it’s time to be his own man. From now on, it’s all about Brian LAWLER. So Jerry shows up soon for a fight right? Otherwise, that would be a pretty big waste of a promo.

Brian Lawler vs. Norman Smiley

Lawler jumps him to start but Smiley gets in a shot of his own and stops to dance. The Big Wiggle ensues so Lawler plants him down to cut that off. A running shoulder in the corner has Smiley in more trouble but he avoids another one, with Lawler going shoulder first into the post. Smiley hammers away in the corner, only for Lawler to get in a low blow. The Hip Hop Drop (he does at least take off the goggles) finishes Smiley at 4:48.

Rating: C. It’s a heel turn, but unfortunately it’s a heel turn for Brian Lawler. You’re just only going to get so much out of that and I’m thinking we’ve already seen the peak of the whole thing. The Jerry promo was just weird and the match itself was just ok.

Post match Lawler calls out Scott Hall, who is next on his list.

Jeff Jarrett is told that he doesn’t have a World Title shot. He shoves Bill Behrens (How many authority figures does this show need?) and gets suspended before storming off. As this goes on, we can hear James Mitchell yelling at the New Church but the door is shut before we see anything.

K-Krush vs. Hermie Sadler

Before the match, Krush threatens the fans for liking NASCAR too much. They yell at each other to start before Krush hammers away, only to be sent outside. Sadler gets in a few shots and then rains down some right hands inside for two but Krush is back with the ax kick for an arrogant near fall of his own. A suplex gives Krush two more and a powerslam gets the same (with one finger). The Figure Four goes on but Sadler turns it over for the break, because he knows how to do that. Krush dives into a sitout powerbomb but Krush rolls him up with feet on the ropes for the pin at 5:06.

Rating: D+. What is there to say about this? It’s been one of the worst parts of the company for the first four weeks and it was bad again here. Sadler isn’t a wrestler and isn’t interesting but he’s the closest thing to a celebrity that they have who can get in the ring. The match was pretty bad even by celebrity standards and the Krush just cheated to beat him. Nothing to this one and hopefully it’s over.

Then Krush hits Sadler after the match and the decision is reversed. Victory?

Takao Omori, the #1 contender to the World Title, pays Alicia off.

Hot Shots vs. Briscoes

That would be Cassidy O’Reilly/Chase Stevens vs. those Briscoes, the latter of whom don’t get entrances. Jay headscissors Stevens down to start and it’s off to Mark, who gets spinebustered down. Mark comes back in with a springboard missile dropkick to the back but gets backdropped hard to the floor. The Hot Shots hit stereo dives….and cue Malice of the New Church to jump Stevens for the DQ at 2:10. This was rather fast paced but just a bunch of moves until the quick ending.

Post match Malice wrecks everyone as James Mitchell and the New Church approve. Mitchell says they aren’t leaving until Ken Shamrock’s blood is on Malice’s hands. There is no Shamrock, so Mitchell has the Disciples beat up the timekeeper. Now Shamrock runs in but gets beaten down, with Takao Omori running in for the save before their title match later.

The Dupps are rather disgusting but are ready to beat up the Flying Elvises. If the shoe fits, it’s probably the right size.

We’re ready for a tag match but adult film star Jasmin St. Clair interrupts instead. She knows what the letters TNA really stand for so who wants to see the real thing tonight? A chair is thrown in and ring announcer Jeremy Borash (described as her “little sex toy”) is sat down for a dance (with his eyes bugging out in a hilarious visual. Bill Behrens comes in with a towel and Ed Ferrara runs in to spear him down (ok points for a funny bit). St. Clair is taken out with the towel anyway to end an unintentionally funny but stupid segment.

Flying Elvises vs. Dupps

Fluff is here with the Dupps. It’s a brawl to start and Siaki is put down with a spinebuster as Mortimer Plumtree comes out, because something has to happen in every single match. Estrada gets sent into the corner as Plumtree says the Johnsons needed discipline after last week. Stan’s Alabama Slam out of the corner doesn’t even get one due to a foot on the rope but Siaki fakes a tag and takes over on Bo. The split legged moonsault gives Siaki two but Bo plants him back down. Stan comes in as everything breaks down, with Estrada hitting a springboard spinning Swanton for the pin on Stan at 5:03.

Rating: C. I’m not sure if you could have Vince Russo’s fingerprints on a match more than this one. Not only do you have a lowest common denominator gimmick like the Dupps, but you have another goofy thing in the Elvises, plus someone walking out without having much to do with the match, which is not exactly great in the first place. It’s a case of too much going on and the stuff that is going on not being very good anyway. Much like a lot of this show.

Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles are brawling throughout the back, with Lynn sending him into the barricade and hitting a cradle piledriver onto an anvil case.

NWA World Title: Takao Omori vs. Ken Shamrock

Shamrock is defending and fires off some knees to the ribs to start. A figure four headscissors has Omori in more trouble as Harley Race is watching at ringside. That’s broken up and the bigger Omori fights out of the corner and hits a running spinwheel kick. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Omori whips him into the corner, where the spinwheel kick misses.

Shamrock chokes on the rope but Omori grabs a running neckbreaker (though he seemed to come in from the wrong direction for a weird visual). Omori shrugs off some kicks to the bad leg (as injured by the missed kick) and hits a clothesline for two. A kneebar has Omori in more trouble so he makes the rope, meaning the ankle lock goes on…and here is Jeff Jarrett to chair Shamrock for the DQ at 7:53.

Rating: C. Of course that’s how it ends. This was another good example of what’s going wrong with a lot of this show: who is Omori, why should I care about him, and is this going to lead anywhere for him? Omori was named (not shown) last week and suddenly gets a World Title shot based on his reputation in Japan. You could have had him do a squash match or something last week to show us even a glimpse, but instead he’s debuted and loses his focus in less than eight minutes. That doesn’t make me want to see more, but rather wondering why I’m supposed to be interested.

Post match Jarrett beats up both of them, plus security.

Jerry Lynn won’t talk about what he did to AJ Styles. James Mitchell and the Disciples of the New Church come in, looking for Jeff Jarrett and the sin he just committed. Did he try the ring? As in where Jarrett just was? Anyway, we cut over to Bill Behrens, having been bound and gagged with FU written on his stomach, just like Jim Miller last week.

Low Ki vs. Elix Skipper vs. Kid Romeo vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Tony Mamaluke

This is an elimination match to establish the X-Division rankings (the first wrestler eliminated is #6, the next is #5 and so on) and thank goodness there are tags. Romeo and Daniels start things off with Romeo working on the arm before switching to a headlock. A dropkick puts Daniels down again so it’s off to Skipper to kick him in the face. Mamaluke comes in to help double team Skipper down as commentary goes over some WCW history.

Skipper gets his leg dropkicked out to cut him off again but he hands it off to Lynn for a monkey flip. Ki comes in and kicks Mamaluke’s head off for two (that should have been an elimination) but Mamaluke is back with a suplex. It’s back to Romeo to chop away at Daniels until Lynn comes back in and sunset flips Romeo for two. A middle rope tornado DDT gives Lynn two more but Daniels monkey flips Lynn outside.

The Arabian moonsault drops Lynn again, setting up a big dive from Romeo. Ki and Skipper hit stereo flip dives of their own and everyone is down. Back in and Lynn hits his slingshot Fameasser over the ropes to Daniels, only to get crotched on top. Actually that’s it for Lynn, who is eliminated via….countout at about 10:15? That’s quite the stretch after EVERYONE WAS ON THE FLOOR JUST A FEW SECONDS AGO.

Anyway, Mamaluke gordbusters Daniels and grabs a Koji Clutch but Skipper comes back in with a running clothesline. The Play Of The Day gets rid of Mamaluke at 11:29 and we’re down to four. Ki comes in and stomps away on Skipper before sending him hard out to the floor. Back in and a Ki Crusher into the corner knocks Skipper silly for two, as these kickouts on Ki are a bit ridiculous. Skipper is back up with a backbreaker and a missile dropkick but it’s back to Daniels to slug away. Matt Hardy’s Ricochet drops Daniels and the Last Rites (something like Cross Rhodes) gets rid of Skipper at 14:54.

Romeo faceplants Daniels for two and dropkicks Ki off the apron, leaving Ki holding his arm. Daniels takes Romeo up top, only to get pulled into a super Air Raid Crash (that looked good) for the…not pin as Daniels’ foot was on the rope. Ki comes back in with the dragon sleeper to make Romeo tap at 17:03 and now we’re down to Ki vs. Daniels.

They trade chops in the corner until Daniels grabs a Downward Spiral for the double knockdown. The Best Moonsault Ever gives Daniels a delayed near fall and they trade cradles for two each. The dragon sleeper has Daniels in trouble again but he flips out in time. Daniels grabs an Iconoclasm (Fall From Grace) out of the corner for two more but a quick Ki Crusher gives Ki the win at 21:41.

Rating: B. Shockingly enough, this was the most entertaining match of the night, which probably comes from it getting more time and allowing the people involved to do their thing for a good while. I like the idea of having rankings in the division, but that isn’t going to matter if they don’t stick. It would not shock me at all to see Ki getting a shot and then Lynn jumping into a title match because of personal reasons, making most of the concept pointless, but at least they had a very fast paced match on the way there.

Post match the Flying Elvises run in to clean house because they wanted in the match (fair point). Tony Mamaluke and Kid Romeo run in for the save.

Commentary previews next week’s show….and here is Jeff Jarrett, who was suspended earlier tonight and it means nothing. He wants the World Title shot next week and yells at fans until going after some Tennessee Titans, who jump the barricade for the brawl. Cue the Disciples of the New Church, with Malice brawling with Jarrett into the crowd to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Believe it or not, the X-Division is carrying this show, but at the end of the day, there is only so much that you can get out of them when the rest of the show is pretty horrible. As has been the case, it doesn’t feel like there is much in the way of focus around here and the show feels all over the place as a result. There are stories going on, but they’re not exactly things that I want to keep watching. The Lawler stuff feels like it could get stupid in a hurry and Jarrett whining about wanting a title shot has already lost its appeal. There’s good stuff in there, but there is a lot of bad to sit through to find it.

 

 

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NWA-TNA Weekly PPV #3
Date: July 3, 2002
Location: Nashville Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Ed Ferrara, Don West

We’ve got more titles to establish this week with the Tag Team Titles being set up this time. So far the World and X-Division Titles have gone well enough so maybe they can continue the trend. The shows are still not exactly great though and they have a long way to go with what they are doing. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Commentary runs down the card and hype up the main event of Jeff Jarrett/K-Krush vs. Scott Hall/Brian Christopher.

NWA President Jim Miller joins us to present the promotion with a trophy. Other than that though, he is bringing in a new star to face the winner of tonight’s World Title match.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: America’s Most Wanted vs. The Johnsons

Mortimer Plumtree is here with the Johnsons. #1 drives Harris into the corner to start but gets armdragged down, followed by some left hands. It’s off to #2 for a double toss into the air to Storm, followed by a double shoulder for two. One heck of a double backdrop puts Storm down again but #1 comes off the middle rope for the sole purpose of diving into raised boots. Storm scores with a superkick and hands it back to Harris to clean house. Everything breaks down and Harris hits a spear on #2, setting up a crossbody. #2 pulls him out of the air, only to have Storm add a missile dropkick for the pin on #2 at 4:42.

Rating: C. This is where the promotion is coming off as a bit of a mess, as you have a good, young team in AMW who could go somewhere but their two matches have been against comedy/joke teams. That is only going to get them so far and shows what happens when you have the wrong people putting everything together. The match was pretty run of he mill, but the faster they find some serious opponents for AMW, the better things will be going.

Post match Plumtree yells at the Johnsons and gets laid out.

Here is Scott Hall for a chat but Jeff Jarrett cuts him off before he can get started. Jarrett isn’t impressed but Hall tells him to bring it. Jim Miller cuts Jarrett off though and Jarrett says he’ll see Hall in the main event…as K-Krush jumps Hall. That earns K-Krush a fall away slam and a clothesline out to the floor. Well that was short.

America’s Most Wanted has been attacked and left bloody.

Monty Brown vs. Anthony Ingram

This is Brown’s debut and he cuts a promo before the match, which is drowned out by his music. Brown slugs away to start and hits a running powerslam, setting up the Alpha Bomb (slam lifted up into a powerbomb) for the pin at 1:32. Total destruction and Brown is a ball of charisma.

Jim Miller has gone missing but Puppet comes in, saying he wants to beat up either Gary Coleman, Mini Me or the midget from the Howard Stern Show.

Buff Bagwell and Apollo are ready to win the Tag Team Titles.

Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: Rainbow Express vs. Buff Bagwell/Apolo

Joel Gertner is here with the Express. Bagwell hiptosses Bruce to start but stops to pose, allowing Bruce to send him into the corner. Cue Alicia to get money from Ed Ferrara as Apolo comes in with a powerbomb for two on Bruce. A Gertner distraction lets Lenny come back with a running DDT and Apolo gets stomped in the corner. Lenny’s slow crawl over Apolo doesn’t sit well and Apolo is back up with a full nelson slam for two. Buff comes in to slug away but a crossbody to Lenny…doesn’t work as planned, leaving Apolo to TKO Bruce. Lenny makes the save and sends Apolo outside, setting up a superkick to finish Bagwell at 5:49.

Rating: C-. There wasn’t much to be seen here and that shouldn’t be a shock, as you have a makeshift team losing to a comedy team but they went with a clean pin instead of any kind of cheating. That doesn’t make for the most thrilling match and it wasn’t like Bagwell was one to lead a match if need be. And now we are on the way to a rematch from last week with AMW vs. the Express, assuming the former can go, which isn’t the most thrilling idea.

Post match Bagwell is mad about losing to “two gay guys” and quits.

Here is World Champion Ken Shamrock for a chat. He wants to fight anyone but here is James Mitchell for a distraction so Malice can jump Shamrock before their title match tonight. So the champ is easily dupped. Got it.

Jim Miller is busy and doesn’t have time to talk to Jerry Lynn.

Puppet vs. Todd Stone

This is the result of Puppet wanting to “kill a midget”. Puppet slugs away with a kendo stick and trashcan as this is apparently anything goes. Stone gets slammed onto the trashcan, which is then put onto his head for a beating with the kendo stick. A fireman’s carry faceplant onto the trashcan finishes Stone at 1:45. This was stupid, as you probably guessed.

Post match Puppet chases the referee to the back.

We’re not sure if Ken Shamrock can defend the World Title.

We look at Francine being annoyed at losing the lingerie battle royal and beating up the winner, Taylor Vaughn.

Francine vs. Taylor Vaughn

And never mind as Francine whips out a belt to beat her like last week. Vaughn takes it away and whips her instead…and only Vaughn is disqualified.

Post match Ed Ferrara comes in to raise Francine’s hand but she puts his hand on her chest. Then she slaps him.

Here is Hermie Sadler for a chat. He thanks the NASCAR fans for coming out tonight but here is K-Krush to interrupt. K-Krush doesn’t like race car drivers and insults him, so Sadler gives him a spear. The match is made for next week.

NWA World Title: Malice vs. Ken Shamrock

Shamrock is defending and Malice has James Mitchell with him. Shamrock comes straight to the ring without any notable problem so the whole injury angle seems to have been a waste of time. Malice jumps him before the bell and hammers away on the floor before choking on the ropes. That’s not enough so Malice lifts him up for more choking, setting up a legdrop for two.

Shamrock can’t get a cross armbreaker so Malice sends him outside in a heap instead. Back in and Malice hammers on the banged up neck (which was apparently hurt in the backstage attack, though you wouldn’t know it as Malice jumped him before the bell anyway), which he bends around the top rope. Then Shamrock fights up and hits a belly to belly out of nowhere to retain at 5:53. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: C-. What was that? Malice jumped him, beat him up and then loses to Shamrock’s one move. That’s straight out of the mid-90s Randy Savage playbook and that is not meant as a compliment. Shamrock feels like he is living off his reputation as champion and that’s a really bad sign just two weeks into his reign.

X-Division Title: David Young vs. AJ Styles

Young, with Bobcat, is challenging. Styles flips over him to start and hits the dropkick but the bigger Young hits a running shoulder for a knockdown. Back up and Styles sends him outside for something like a running Buckshot Lariat out to the floor. Young breaks up the springboard back inside but Styles is fine enough to flip out of a German suplex. An overhead belly to belly sends Styles into the corner for two and a running kick to the head gets the same.

Bobcat answers a phone call as Young grabs a headscissors choke, which just fires Styles up. That earns him a suplex back down and Young grabs the chinlock. Back up and Styles hits a superkick for two before striking away, only to walk into a spinebuster for two. They go up top together, where Styles gets in a shot to the face and hits a super Styles Clash to retain at 8:45.

Rating: C. Young wasn’t much of a challenger here but Styles got to show just how smooth he can be in the ring, which is quite the sight to behold. There is a reason he has become one of the early bright spots around here and being able to move that way has a lot to do with it. This was all Styles and that is what it should have been.

Bobcat gets in the ring to celebrate for some reason and Young is rather confused.

Joel Gertner and the Rainbow Express are ready to win the Tag Team Titles. If AMW can’t wrestle, it makes things even easier.

Tag Team Titles: America’s Most Wanted vs. Rainbow Express

For the vacant titles and Joel Gertner is here with the Express. Hold on though as AMW can’t wrestle but we have replacements.

Tag Team Titles: AJ Styles/Jerry Lynn vs. Rainbow Express

For the vacant titles and yes this is indeed a Vince Russo booked show with tag partners who do not get along. It’s a brawl to start and the Express is sent to the floor, with Lynn hitting a dive. The tired Styles hits a dive of his own and it’s time to head inside, where Lenny and Lynn fight over a German suplex. Bruce gets sent face first into a low blow on Lenny, who is nice enough to kiss Bruce’s hand for a tag.

Lynn is sent to the apron for a slingshot Fameasser to drop Bruce but he’s back up with a quick low blow to take over. Styles breaks up Lenny’s Liontamer but Bruce gets in a cheap shot. Lenny gets two off a delayed vertical suplex and Bruce counters a headscissors into a faceplant for two more.

The figure four necklock has Lynn in more trouble but he’s back up for an exchange of countered piledrives. Lynn gets in a DDT and that’s enough for the tag off to Styles to pick up the pace. Lenny hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Styles but gets caught with the cradle piledriver. Lynn and Bruce go to the floor, leaving Styles to hit the Spiral Tap on Lenny for the pin and the titles at 12:23.

Rating: C. This was long and showed that the Express really wasn’t much in the ring. The problem is that the team is only around because of their gimmick and that gets old very fast. I could go for seeing more from Styles and Lynn, but they’re going to need better opponents to make that work.

Lynn isn’t sure about this but he’ll take a title.

Jim Miller has been attacked with the letters FU written on his stomach.

Brian Christopher/Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett/K-Krush

Fallout from last week’s big brawl. They start fast and fight into the crowd with Hall and Jarrett fighting into one of the dancers’ cage. Christopher takes over on Krush and sends him inside, only to miss the Hip Hop Drop. Hall is back in with a chokeslam to Krush but gets jumped by Jarrett. We settle down to a regular match, with Christopher missing a charge into the corner, leaving Hall and Jarrett to knock each other down.

Krush comes in for a running spinning forearm, which kind of goes flying over Hall’s back. Hall rolls through Jarrett’s high crossbody for two, leaving Jarrett to grab a sleeper. As they’ve done hundreds of times, Hall reverses into a sleeper of his own, only for Jarrett to easily break it up.

Krush’s reverse chinlock is countered into an electric chair drop, followed by a double clothesline for…well not a tag off to Christopher, as he hits Hall in the face instead. Hall beats all of them up at once and hits the Outsider’s Edge on Krush, only for Christopher to break up the same thing to Jarrett. The Stroke into the Hip Hop Drop lets Jarrett get the pin at 11:43.

Rating: C. This match showed the biggest problem with this story: the matches aren’t very good and even worse, they’re not interesting. If Brian Christopher turning on Hall a full week after joining up with him in the first place is their best idea, they don’t have much to go on here. Hall feels like a star and he has a history with Jarrett, but that doesn’t exactly scream top story in 2002.

Post match Jarrett yells about how many times he’s beaten Hall before knocking him outside. The trophy (from the beginning of the show) is broken over Hall so a stretcher is brought in. That’s not enough for Jarrett, who drops an elbow off the apron onto Hall onto the stretcher. Jarrett is still not done and turns the stretcher over while ranting about how he should be World Champion.

Commentary previews next week’s show as Jarrett stomps away one more time to wrap it up.

Overall Rating: C-. There are some good points here, but the wrestling ranged from dull to pretty lame throughout the two hours. That being said, the promotion is still only three weeks old and there is only so much you can tell from that little time. The show still feels big, but they are going to need to make things a good bit more interesting than what they are doing so far. It’s just not that good and it was showing badly this week.

 

 

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TNA Weekly PPV #1
Date: June 19, 2002
Location: Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West, Ed Ferrara

So since last night was the 3 hour Impact, I thought it was a good time to go back to the beginning and take a look at the origins of TNA. This was the Wednesday night series when once a week for 9.95 you could watch the NWA. It’s still the old school show at this point and this is literally their first show ever. No one knew it would one day become as big as it is now, but it amazingly is.

This is from about the time that Hogan is world champion in the WWF. Actually no he’s not as Taker would have it at this point, but Hogan is still around. Anyway, let’s take a look back at almost 8 years ago and see how TNA got its start.

The intro is of course about the old days of the NWA because everyone wants to see that right? Don West brings out Ed Ferrara, who looks almost exactly like Road Dogg. I saw him and thought it was him. He even sounds like him. Tenay welcomes us to the show as apparently we have to start with a legends ceremony. There will be a new world champion tonight in the first ever Gauntlet for the Gold. It’s a Royal Rumble but the last two have a singles match.

Oh I’m going to get sick of Ferrara.

JB, in a four sided ring of all things, introduces some legends. Harley Race, Dory Funk Jr., Jackie Fargo, Bullet Bob Armstrong, Corisca Joe and Sara Lee (who ARE these people?), Bill Behrens, who wants you to know he likes the NWA and if you don’t know, he’ll make sure to tell you, Ricky Steamboat (NOW we’re getting somewhere! He has the world title with him and they say it must be like old times for him to have it.

That would be the case if he held that one and not the big gold belt which he actually had). Steamboat addresses the crowd. There actually was a reason for this starting the show: something about a no show or something and they had to reschedule things. Steamboat says he’s the referee for the main event tonight.

Jeff Jarrett interrupts and says the main event is going to suck. Well ok then. He says it’s going to be stupid and then Mike Tenay just sounds like a moron by shouting answers at the questions that Jarrett asks. Jackie Fargo is annoying. He’s a legend, but he’s old. That’s the problem with the NWA: they believe that the fans care about these old guys that most of them have never heard of.

Apparently Fargo has matchmaking power and puts Jarrett in at number one. Ken Shamrock comes out and agrees it’s going to suck. Here’s Scott Hall. This feels like last night. Oh let’s reference the NWO again, because that’s SUCH a fresh idea. HALL says the battle royal will suck, but they have to do it so shut up. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? They had the three biggest stars in the company say that the show is going to suck. You can’t script this kind of stuff.

Some chick named Goldilocks talks to a midget. Take that Hornswoggle bashers.

AJ Styles/Low Ki/Jerry Lynn vs. The Flying Elvises

You read that name right. They’re Jorge Estrada, Jimmy (Wang) Yang and Sonny Siaki. It’s original if nothing else. AJ looks YOUNG here. He’s just a regular guy. The legends in the back aren’t sure what to say. They point out that this isn’t about weight limits, even though other than Joe, no one with any weight has ever held the belt and he was about 5 years away. Ok so the Elvises are heels. Got it.

The faces hit dropkicks and ranas to start. It’s your standard spotfest to start and that’s fine. It’s a tried and true method to get the crowd going so there we are. Next week we have the X-Division Title tournament in a round robin tournament. Cool. I might do more or these but we’ll see. More or less everyone just shows off for awhile which is what they’re supposed to do.

The X Division has never been about stories but just insanity and that’s perfectly fine. We start the Elvis puns and I shake my head. For the life of me I’ll never get how the Honky Tonk Man got over as much as he did. We get an MMA reference before MMA was cool. Here’s AJ who looks about 17 here. Estrada kicks his head off so there we go. Lynn hits the Cradle Piledriver and it’s all breaking down. We get our first Pele kick. Yang hits a rotating moonsault to pin AJ which means nothing at this point.

Rating: B-. This was fine. There was no story and there wasn’t supposed to be. This was to get the crowd going and it did just that and more. It’s really short but that’s fine. No problems here, but DANG AJ looked like he was in high school or something.

Hollywood vs. Teo

Yes, it’s a midget match. The irony here is STUNNING. Oh Teo is an EXTREME midget. Apparently Rey Mysterio was originally asked to be a midget wrestler in Mexico. That has nothing to do with the mask but they talk about it anyway as they need to get references to WWE in there to give them credibility.

I have no idea what the point to this match is. Teo hits a splash from the top that wasn’t bad. Naturally the biggest spot in the match gets two. A top rope leg drops gives Teo the win. His name stands for Totally E. Outstanding. Oh dear goodness.

Rating: N/A. It’s like two minutes long and I’ll spare the it was too short jokes. I’ve never gotten the appeal of these matches but whatever.

Girls dance.

Ferrara and West get in the ring to announce a lingerie battle royal for next week. They bring out some of the women for next week, including Francine, Joanie (no clue who that is), Daffney (they say she used to be Daffney but now she’s Shannon), Alexis Laree (Mickie James, pre implants), Sasha (no clue but she’s ugly), a Ravens cheerleader named Erin, Elektra from ECW, Taylor Vaughn (who is apparently familiar but I don’t know her) and some chick named Tarita.

This is just an eye candy segment but not a very good one. Mickie looks WAY different, to the point where I had trouble picking her out of a line. Francine and Elektra argue and it’s apparent why they never talked. They actually blame Francine for ECW going bankrupt. A guy would wind up winning the battle royal.

There’s a guy named Mortimer Plumtree. I can’t make this up. He’s a teacher apparently, just not a very good one. He would actually wind up managing AJ for awhile. He has a tag team that we don’t see. Oh wait it’s the Johnsons.

Johnsons vs. Psicosis/James Storm

Yes, it’s the tag team that wear masks and full body suits and look like human phalluses. This team actually exists. Storm looks completely different too and it’s not a good thing either. Storm fires off some cap guns. Good for him. OH MAN he looks young. Apparently their names are Richard and Rod, or Dick and Rod. I hate this already. Ryan Shamrock comes out looking hot to watch them.

And now it devolves into nothing but the expected jokes. They say Psicosis’ real name for absolutely no apparent reason. Ryan Shamrock, called Alicia, still is there. Storm hits a rana and a very good one at that. They say Storm could be great. Not really but he’s not bad. And then he gets pinned off a bad TKO.

Rating: D+. This was just pointless. It’s like they have nothing but the main event and they know it. This was just freaking awful. The jokes were completely pointless and annoying. I have no clue what they were going for here but whatever.

The referee gives Ryan Shamrock money.

The Dupps, a hillbilly team, torment Goldilocks. They and some chick try to drink beer but some random guy says not to. Ok then.

Two NASCAR guys are here for the sake of being NASCAR guys. Ron Killings (R-Truth) show up to interrupt them. Of course he’s a heel because he hates NASCAR and says it’s not a sport. Brian Christopher of all people shows up and beats up R-Truth. Naturally a match is set up for next week. Oh and his name is K-Krush here. Dang they got that one right eventually.

Jeff Jarrett harasses a 71 year old man. Thanks for killing another 15 seconds.

Christian York/Joey Matthews vs. The Dupps

The Dupps are named Stan and Bo. Stan Dupp. Oh dear. Their cousin is both of their girlfriends. I hate this gimmick already. The faces are your standard face cruiserweight tag team. They have a ton of charisma if nothing else, but they’re just generic. Ferrara needs to fall in a hole. After the faces dominate for about two minutes the girl interferes to crotch York for the pin.

Rating: F-. This was a waste of 4 minutes of my life. The heels had NO offense but they win on a fluke anyway. That’s just crap but of course it’s what they went with here. I hated this and they could have used it for ANYTHING else.

Toby Keith has one of his music videos played and then sings live. That’s completely pointless again but it’s considered an epic moment. Jarrett interrupts him and we start the battle royal now.

NWA World Title: Gauntlet for the Gold

Royal Rumble with 90 second clocks and then a singles match at the end. Jarrett is first and second is Buff Bagwell. Bagwell hits the Blockbuster and then is thrown out. Before the 90 seconds are up they have the next guy come in to avoid the clock just ticking away. I like that. Lash Leroux of all people is second. Just end this now. He’s out in about 45 seconds and Norman Smiley is 4th of 20.

There goes Norman after about a minute. This is just pointless. Apollo, a Puerto Rican wrestler with a great look is 5th. K-Krush is 6th and he saves Jarrett. Actually he doesn’t but the announcers say he does. This is just mindless stuff as nothing of note is happening and it’s just random stuff to fill in time, which is how you could describe the whole show to be fair. Oh hey let’s make fun of Toby Keith even more.

Tenay is TICKED that the heels are working together for no apparent reason. Slash, with James Mitchell who has a stable that we haven’t heard from until now, is 7th. He’s one half of PG-13 who was a big deal in Memphis and nowhere else. Jarrett saves him for no apparent reason. Must be a Tennessee thing. Del Rios who is another big guy is next. He’s a former USWA (Memphis) champion. He’s a Scott Steiner lookalike and they even point that out.

He’s better known as Phantasio, which is a guy that Monkey is a mark for. He was a wrestling magician of all things which somehow evolved into Papa Shango but was given to the guy that played him instead. Oh come on he’s even got the Superman S on his tights. Some guy from NWA Wildside, a former WCW farm territory, is 9th. The clock is off the screen now and the times are getting longer. Konnan is 10th.

Every guy has their resume read with as many WCW, WWF and ECW references as we can get in there. He beats up everyone and is over as free beer in a frat house. We really need some eliminations. Joel Gertner who has lost about 100lbs brings out Bruce from a team called the Rainbow Express. Yes it’s a gay tag team and Billy and Chuck are a big deal at the moment. No coincidence there at all.

He’s Kwee Wee from WCW if you’re wondering. He’s the guy that wins the battle royal next week. MAYBE 15 seconds later, Rick Steiner comes out. Slash is out. There goes Justice who looks like a combination of Rhyno and one of the Pitbulls and now Rick goes after Jarrett. Malice (The Wall from WCW) is 13th. He chokeslams everyone in sight. Ok with Konnan it’s more like a chokeshove.

Truth makes up for it though by going WAY into the air. There goes Bruce, Truth, Del Rios, Konnan and Steiner are gone, leaving us with Malice, Apollo and Jarrett. Scott Hall is 14th to a huge pop and they actually give him a resume too, like he needs it. He’s the Outlaw now for no apparent reason. Hall hits a Razor’s Edge on Jarrett and here’s Toby Keith to suplex Jarrett and throw him out.

Oh how I hate singers trying to be wrestlers and failing so badly at getting people to care. Hall actually throws Jarrett out to make it count for the ridiculous NWA. Chris Harris is 15th and no one cares as no one knows who he is. Vampire Warrior (Gangrel) runs out early and beats up Harris. Ferrara will not shut up about Jarrett and I’m sick of him in ways I didn’t think were humanly possible.

Devon Storm, more commonly known as Crowbar from WCW, is next. The second biggest star in this match is Gangrel. That says the whole thing. Steve Cornio is 18th as I can’t believe this made it 5 weeks. Ken Shamrock is the penultimate entrant and he suplexes a lot of people. Brian Christopher, who should give his father 20% of every dollar he ever makes in wrestling because he never would have made a dime otherwise. A ton of people go out in succession and all by Christopher. Yes, they had him be a force.

The final five are Shamrock who is almost unrecognizable, Christopher (out before I finish his name), Malice, Apollo and Hall. Malice puts out everyone not named Shamrock, so it’s Ken Shamrock vs. the Wall for the world title. You read that right. This is just garbage as he survives the ankle lock for about 40 seconds before walking around just fine. A belly to belly ends a five minute nightmare.

Rating: F+. This was just a trainwreck. We had Brian Christopher, Gangrel, Lash Leroux and Norman Smiley in the main event. Let that sink in for a bit. Also, Shamrock beats the Wall for the title. Why not Hall, who people at least know? This was just a mess, much like the whole show. I have no idea what the point here was but it was bad. This was ¼ of the show, and that’s just unacceptable. The booking was off the wall as SHAMROCK, who hadn’t been seen in about two years and looked awful, gets the belt.

Jackie Fargo, who looks and sounds older than his 71, wants to fight Jarrett who wants to fight Toby Keith but Scott Hall fights Jarrett next week. They brawl to end this mess.

Overall Rating: D-. And that’s being generous. This was awful on all levels as nothing of note happens with the main event was just a trainwreck. When the three biggest names you have all say the main event is stupid, it hurts things badly. There is zero flow to this and if I didn’t know better, I would have bet on this not making it three months.

They changed things up a lot and it got a ton better, namely when Russo and a ton of other guys showed up to replace guys like the Dupps and the jokes in the main event. Definitely stay away from this one as it’s awful.