IMG Credit: WWE

Someone requested this, but I do warn you that it’s rather old and not up to my current standards.

Halloween Havoc 1996
Date: October 27, 1996
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, Tony Schiavone

The main things here are of course the NWO matches, which tonight are Hogan vs. Savage for the title and the Outsiders vs. Harlem Heat for the tag titles. Other than that there isn’t a ton here as this is a relatively unimportant show. Sting is the mystery guy now do he’s not here I don’t think. The card looks fairly good though so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how the NWO has destroyed everyone and tonight it’s Savage’s chance. No reason is given for why he should be different or anything but then again he’s a face so it’s not like it really means anything here.

Cruiserweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio

These two have been trading the title back and forth a bit lately. Rey is champion here and Dean has one of his old masks that he ripped off of him. Song angles never get old. Dean jumps him early and we have Mike Tenay here on commentary for the sake of sanity. Mike says that without the mask Rey is done. Nah he won two world titles after that so I’d think Mike is wrong here.

Rey’s knees are both in one piece here so he’s flying all over the place and is the most exciting thing most of the fans have ever seen in their lives. We kind of stop things for a bit here so Rey can put the old mask that Dean brought with him back on. Ok then. These two had some great matches as they did the whole technician vs. high flier thing and it almost always worked. This would be one of those times that it worked.

Dean grounding him here is the right thing to do as it fits into the psychology of the match here. I can live with it when it makes sense I guess. There’s a lot of this in Doug Williams vs. Kendrick at the moment. I love that spinning backbreaker that Dean can snap off like that. They’re doing a nice slow build here and it’s working very well as Rey is going to make his comeback and it’ll be awesome more than likely.

Ah here it comes. He starts busting out all of his big flips and cool moves and they start to work, playing into the idea that as long as Dean keeps it on the mat he can beat Rey. They hit insane speed for a reversal sequence that is just awesome. Rey starts busting out the ranas so you know he’s serious now. Dean counters West Coast Pop into a powerbomb which looks great. A gutwrench powerbomb off the top gives Dean the belt back in a cool ending. He got a BIG face pop despite being a heel here. That’s odd, but ok then.

Rating: B. Solid opener here as the crowd is very awake now. They’ve had better ones but the psychology was here more than it usually is but this worked out well. Rey did his thing and Dean did his. You combine that with good chemistry and this is what you get. Good match and great opener.

Jarrett is replacing Flair in the match vs. the Giant tonight. Any guesses on how this is going to go? Jarrett cuts a decent enough promo on Giant. Again, the guy is talented and no one is questioning that. He’s just not a main event guy, period. He’s just filling in for Flair tonight so there’s no real point to the match. Flair is here too for moral support. He hurt his shoulder so he had to drop the US Title too.

Lord of the Ring: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero

Yes, AGAIN they’re fighting over a ring that was won in a battle royal that is worthless at this point. Eddie won the ring at Clash of the Champions and DDP stole it back and now says he doesn’t know where it is. Nick Patrick is refereeing in a neckbrace. This was a feud that went on for a good while but no one remembers it because it meant nothing and went nowhere. They would be in the finals of the US Title Tournament at Starrcade and that’s about it.

Dusty thinks DDP is in the NWO. I think he’s the only big name that didn’t go NWO at some point. Page is still a heel but the pops are beginning to come. He calls Eddie girlfriend for no apparent reason. I’m not entirely sure if this is supposed to be interesting or not. It kind of is but I don’t think that’s what they’re going for here. I don’t know what I mean by that either so don’t try to make sense out of it.

The referee shoves DDP down and gets two for it somehow. DDP was getting better at this time but he still had a lot of moments where he did stuff that just looked awful. We just got one of them. He would have it smoothed out in about 8 months or so for his feud with Savage which was awesome. It’s oddly surprising how boring this match is though. They’re both good workers but this just isn’t interesting me at all. After a lot more of nothing, DDP grabs Eddie’s head and hits the Diamond Cutter to get the pin. Oh and Patrick had the ring apparently. Moving on.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad I guess but I just couldn’t get into it at all. It just wasn’t a very interesting match at all but I’ve seen far worse. There’s a severe lack of chemistry here which is odd because they’re both good workers. Just didn’t do it for me here at all.

Savage says this is the calm before the storm. When has Savage EVER been calm? He’s going to snap into Hogan. Wow that makes me want a Slim Jim. Oh and look who the sponsor is!

We literally go straight to Dean Malenko who says he’ll fight anybody that wants a shot, including Rey. Tenay towers over him which is a weird visual.

Ted DiBiase and the Giant are in the crowd for an NWO interview. The Giant has the US Title, even though he isn’t champion. Apparently Jarrett was offered a spot and turned it down. That’s fine enough for a story. Giant tries to talk and he’s a mile ahead of his debut last year, but it’s still pretty bad.

The Giant vs. Jeff Jarrett

Dusty says some people call Jeff Jarrett the giant killer. Who in the world has ever said that? Jarrett is a country guy here but he’s not singing at least. Again, the guy is fine for stuff like this. Just don’t put him much higher. Flair is here for support and comes out to his own entrance just because he feels like it I guess. The problem was that Jarrett had two things going against him: he was a heel in WWF, and he absolutely sucks as a face. Jarrett uses hit and run tactics and has strutted three times in 60 seconds.

Heenan says this is the NEW WCW. Oh that’s funny. And now Jarrett proves why he’s an idiot by putting on a headlock. When Tony Schiavone says you’re doing something stupid, you know you’re an idiot. And then he tries a hip toss. So basically Jarrett looked smart for about 45 seconds and since then he’s looked like an idiot. We get a MASSIVE NWO chant as that’s how much Jarrett is disliked. The NWO was still pretty evil at this point and they’re getting cheered somehow.

Giant balances out the stupidity of JJ by using basic, non-power moves. Flair grabs a mic and gives Jeff a pep talk. Giant does some backbreakers. That’s about the extent of their description. Did someone think this was a good idea for a match? Jarrett was a good worker but against guys the size of the Giant there’s only so many guys that can do much with him. Jarrett hits two PERFECT dropkicks and then tries to slam him.

The problem here is apparent and to be fair this isn’t Jarrett’s fault: he can’t do much to Giant due to the size. He punches a lot and throws dropkicks but how much of a match can you have based on that? Also in a match like this it’s heavily based around building up momentum for the big face comeback. When the face is booed every time he does something though it just doesn’t work that well. Now keep in mind this was supposed to be Flair but he got hurt so they did the best they could.

Jarrett knocks him down with a high cross body but gets the strong toss off. Figure four doesn’t work and we hit the floor. Figure four out there results in Jarrett getting his throat grabbed so Flair just hits him low for the DQ. The Horsemen come out for protection. Remember Jarrett wasn’t a Horseman at this point and was just a friend of Flair’s.

Rating: D. Just not a good match here but like I said, what did you really want them to do out here? The size was just too much to deal with and the crowd HATING Jarrett didn’t help either. Also Giant was still fairly inexperienced against guys that weren’t power guys that could help carry him, so I can give him a break on that. Still just a bad match though.

DiBiase is with Vincent (Virgil) and Syxx (X-Pac/Sean Waltman). They talk way too nicely about Jericho and how they’re coming for the Cruiserweight Title.

Chris Jericho vs. Syxx

The commentators having to ignore the NWO being cheered is always funny. Patrick is the referee again which has to be leading somewhere. This is before the neck injury for Waltman so he’s incredibly fast here. The Dungeon of Doom is at ringside. This is a very fast paced match as we talk about Jericho’s dad for no apparent reason.

This is one of those matches that is hard to comment on as it’s pretty good. Waltman could go against small guys and this is no exception. It wasn’t until he because X-Pac and became the giant killer or whatever that he became so annoying. We crank it up after a good deal of Syxx dominance.

Tony and Heenan get in an argument over whether or not Nick Patrick made a fast count. Oh that’s funny. Allegedly he’s counting slow for Jericho and there may be something to that. Dusty wants him arrested. Even Heenan gets on him for being slow. Ok now you know it’s serious. Jericho gets what should have been a five or so and yells at Patrick about it. He walks into a spinkick for the regular speed pin.

Rating: B-. This was about Jericho vs. Patrick which would happen at WW3 and would be the first match where an NWO guy would lose on PPV since their inception. This was very fast paced and fun though, but the referee thing was just annoying by the end of things. Other than that it was good though.

Luger, looking like he has Dolph Ziggler’s poofy hair, says he’ll get back at Arn for something. Oh ok Arn blamed Lex for tapping at War Games and more or less said he’s a coward, setting this up.

Lex Luger vs. Arn Anderson

Is there anything sweeter than that Horsemen theme song? It’s just flat out awesome sounding. Luger is in all black here which never really looked right on him. Sting has been offered a spot in the NWO. Anderson has hurt Lex’s back recently so he’s not at 100%. This is just not interesting at all. Luger’s back is fine it seems and we’re totally just killing time here. I love Dusty’s ridiculous faith in WCW. It’s always very amusing.

The Dungeon is cheering for Luger. And now Arn’s back is hurt. Sure why not. This match is the epitome of average. Lex does some stuff then Arn does some stuff and then we switch off. It’s just two guys doing moves on each other with a bit of a flow to it. It’s not interesting in the slightest either as there’s barely a reason for them to be fighting but we’re seeing it anyway. Luger works on the back which makes sense for him so that’s fine.

A spinebuster from Arn gets us back to even to an extent as I’m just waiting on this match to end. The back injury for Luger flares up all of a sudden of course so at least the continuity of lack of continuity is there. DDT doesn’t hit as this is just nothing. I know I’ve said that a lot but it’s true. And there goes the referee of course. Arn nails Luger and knocks him into Mark Curtis in case you’re interested for some reason.

We’ll throw in a chair that does nothing as we pad this match out a bit more. The worst catapult in recorded history puts Arn kind of into the post. Lex hits some chair shots on Arn and the Rack ends it. Luger doesn’t let him go. Arn takes forever to get up and the Horsemen come out to help him. He leaves on a stretcher. I think this was what explained him being more or less retired other than the occasional match afterwards.

Rating: D. This wasn’t a particularly bad match, but it is perhaps the least interesting match I’ve seen in a good many months. It’s a good example of a match that’s just there. Two guys wrestled, nothing special happened, one guy used his finishing move to get the win. That’s all there is to it and there’s nothing special about it at all.

Harlem Heat call out the Outsiders.

Faces of Fear vs. Chris Benoit/Steve McMichael

Mongo has barely any experience at all so expect a heavy dose of Benoit here which is hardly a bad thing. If nothing else we get the music again for the Horsemen. This feud went on forever and there was never really a blowoff for it other than it just stopping. Meng and Mongo start and McMichael hides from a kick. Oh that looked bad. It’s always cool seeing Benoit’s mix of wrestling and brawling. Not a lot of people were as good at it as he was.

Mongo loses a sumo match to Meng. Is there a reason this is happening? Mongo wakes up and uses football moves to get Meng down. This works so well that Meng kicks him in the face. I love that. Whenever someone does something stupid, KICK THEM IN THE FACE. McMichael tries some dropkicks. This is a very sad sight. The match is only watchable when Benoit is in there so the tag can’t come fast enough.

In a NICE move, Meng backdrops Benoit into a powerbomb from Barbarian. It’s an awesome move, so Dusty starts talking about the Outsiders. Why you ask? It’s Dusty so this is normal for him. A double headbutt from the top hits Benoit as it’s a good thing that he’s in. Tony talks about an old rule called the One Save Rule, which says that if you save your partner more than once it’s a DQ. This rule isn’t in effect anymore and I’ve never heard of it.

Mongo pops Meng with the briefcase, thereby completely ignoring all stereotypes, and the top rope headbutt ends it. The Dungeon runs in and since the Horsemen are with Anderson at the hospital it’s Benoit vs. everyone. That only works for so long though as the Dungeon stands tall. At least there’s a feud here to explain this. Sullivan goes up to Woman and says let me show you why I’m still the man and does what we would call a punt on Benoit.

Rating: D. I know I gave the previous match the same grade but this is somewhat better. There’s a feud here which makes sense so that’s definitely a good thing. This was really bad when Mongo was in and decent when Benoit was in. Mongo always looked like he was trying, but he just didn’t ever get the hang of it. This is a great example of it.

DiBiase introduces the Outsiders.

Tag Titles: The Outsiders vs. Harlem Heat

That original NWO music is still awesome. Then again so is Harlem Heat’s. The Heat had recently lost and regained the titles from Public Enemy for a pointless reign that lasted like two weeks. The Outsiders grab the belts and hold them up to a pop. Seeing the whole rebellion against the angles is very interesting. It was clear that the fans wanted something new. WWF realized that and made Austin, the rebel character, the top guy in the company and a face. Moral: listen to the audience. They’ll never let you down.

Apparently Sherri is the quarterback of Harlem Heat. Well I wouldn’t mind seeing her in the pants I guess. Stevie knocks Hall over the top rope which they immediately explain is NOT a DQ here. Why didn’t they just drop that stupid rule? I never got a straight answer to that. Anyway, Heenan says this is the first real test for the Outsiders, because clearly fighting Luger and Sting at Hog Wild wasn’t a test right? Or Savage, Luger and Sting or any other big combination they had. I love idiotic lines like that.

The fans loudly boo Harlem Heat taking over. I feel sorry for the announcers at times and then they say something stupid enough to make me lose any and all sympathy I have for them. The Heat dominate early on which is different than what you would expect. Crowd is totally behind the Outsiders here. Hall uses a chokeslam which he used back in like 93 I think. It’s weird to think he’s been using that since Giant was in high school.

Hall kisses Sherri. Can we get a sexual harassment lawsuit from the congregation? Booker hooks a sleeper and gets booed out of the building for it. Stevie gets the hot tag and cleans house, setting up the Harlem Hangover on Hall. Parker comes in for no apparent reason at all and swings the cane at Nash. This of course doesn’t work and two cane shots from Nash to Booker give the Outsiders the tag titles.

Rating: C-. Eh nothing great here but not that bad. This is far more important for the historical aspect than anything else. The ending made sense at least and the cheating was minimal, but the heels won with nefarious activities so that’s all fine. This wasn’t terrible, but the crowd told a lot of the story here as the heels got cheered and few liked the faces.

Hogan is in the crowd where DiBiase was when he did the promos earlier and talks about his new movies. He has a blonde wig on that looks like Sting’s haircut from the old WCW days.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

So basically Savage has zero chance here and everyone on the planet knows it. The Outsiders have been escorted from the building allegedly, even though Giant was also and he’s with Hogan here. They must be a bit rushed as Savage’s music starts up while Hogan’s intro is going on and they have to stop it. Savage has a massive monster truck, complete with cowboy hat on it of all things.

Savage went on a big winning streak to get the title shot and then since he was getting over again in a feud against Hogan, he stopped winning for about a month leading up to this match, hence what I said about zero chance. Savage gets a mic and wants everyone else out other than himself and Hogan. Why do I have a bad feeling that the wig is going to play a long role in this match? Giant is thrown out so it’s no longer a reenactment of Mania IV.

Hogan stalls. I mean stalls a LOT. Savage comes at him and he runs for the ropes. Hey! A headlock! Hogan looks SMALL here, maybe weighing 260. And he stalls again, heading to the floor even longer. That headlock is all we’ve had in over four minutes so far. It’s just Hogan hiding in the ropes or in the corner or on the floor the whole time. We’re entering Zbyszko land here. So Liz, who isn’t here, is signed to the NWO but loves Savage still. Got it. Well that actually is a bit intriguing at least.

Savage takes over and steals Hogan’s sunglasses. Yeah Hogan was in sunglasses and a wig for the first seven minutes or so of the match. And there goes the wig. WOW! Hogan is BALD! Why was this supposed to be a big deal? He didn’t have hair in Rocky 3 so why is this a surprise? Savage puts the wig on and this is just bad so far. Hogan busts out a chair, marking the ONLY decent thing in the whole ten minutes so far. Seriously, THIS is the main event of one of the biggest shows of the year.

Hogan kisses Savage on the top of his head and here’s Liz. Someone actually shouts GET EM LIZ! That’s very amusing. And there go Hogan’s tights ecause we all want to see that. Hogan does nothing but punch and kick and choke. Savage does those things but throws in some clotheslines too. This is one of the worst main events I can ever remember. Liz comes in to check on Savage as Hogan is going for the legdrop. Of course we can hear every word Hogan says to her as he’s on a mic.

There goes the referee and here’s Nick Patrick and then another referee at the same time. The elbow hits and Patrick gets to two before his neck starts to hurt. Savage steals an object from Hogan and nails him. Giant is back as this is beyond a mess. Chokeslam on the floor and Savage is more or less dead. Hogan is put on top and gets the pin and a face pop.

Rating: F. This was supposed to be some kind of epic showdown and it was overbooked and a comedy match that wasn’t funny. Let’s see: 5 minutes of stalling, three run-ins, a foreign object, a cheating referee, a ref bump, another ref bump, chair shots and some punching sprinkled in. Yep it’s WCW all right.

Giant brings out a bowl of ice water to wake up Hogan which is amusing for some reason. Hogan grabs a mic and says he’s the king of Hollywood and I have a bad feeling I know where this is going. Ok I do know where this is going but you get the idea. Yep, we have bagpipes. The look on Hogan’s face when Piper shows up is great.

Piper and Hogan say hi to each other and for no apparent reason Hogan and Giant are alone with Piper and do nothing but talk to him. Hogan says he and Piper used to be neck and neck for the biggest star in wrestling. Not really but this is WCW so why use facts? Piper says he’s as big an icon in wrestling as Hogan is. No, not really. He says he’s as big a movie star as Hogan is. Ok that’s true. Piper says he’s shooting here. Yes, this is Starrcade’s main event by the way.

Piper FINALLY says something very true: At Wrestlemania, they wouldn’t have been cheering for Hogan so much if they hadn’t hated Piper so much. I didn’t buy that at first but the more I’ve thought about it the more I think there’s truth in it. Piper was despised by the fans and Hogan was the guy opposing him. I know Hogan was a big deal, but it was Piper fighting Mr. T and doing the mainstream stuff. Hogan was just a wrestler fighting him. I don’t think Piper was a bigger deal, but I think equal is fine, at least for Wrestlemania and the stuff leading up to it.

Piper wants Hogan to admit that he would be nothing without the fans behind him. He also points out that Hogan has never beaten him. Piper starts to leave and Hogan makes a skirt joke. He picks up the belt as Hogan leaves and they actually keep arguing as the show goes off the air. That’s funny for some reason.

Overall Rating: D. This was bad. The opener is good but seriously did you expect anything less? Far from their best match too. Other than that there’s more or less nothing. None of the matches other than the main event are overly bad but they all have been done better or just aren’t interesting at all. Hogan vs. Piper was a cool segment to an extent, but knowing what was coming would just suck the life out of it. Oh and World War 3 is next. Great. Avoid this one.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 8, 2002
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Raw is actually picking up a bit at the moment as they’re making some efforts to push the younger talent. Brock Lesnar is moving up the card and it’s clear that Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit are becoming the top heels. Unfortunately that leaves the NWO, who are promising that HHH will be joining tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle from Smackdown with the double finish.

Vince announces Undertaker vs. Rock vs. Angle for Vengeance. Undertaker is off tonight though and the fans are NOT pleased.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Booker T. for an opening chat. He’s used to fighting the NWO and wants X-Pac in particular because X-Pac looks like a rat. Booker quotes his dad, who apparently spoke to him in promos about challenging people to wrestling matches. Instead of X-Pac, here’s Eddie Guerrero to answer. Eddie wants to fight someone so here we go.

Booker T. vs. Eddie Guerrero

Please give them some time. Eddie stomps him down in the corner to start and puts his feet on the ropes for two. A belly to back suplex sets up a running seated Blockbuster for two but Booker grabs his spinning sunset flip out of the corner for the pin. For some reason the bell doesn’t ring and Booker’s music takes a second to come on so there isn’t much of a reaction.

Rating: D+. So much for giving them time. I’m sure these two are capable of having a good match if you give them more than three minutes but then we wouldn’t have time for all of the NWO promos tonight. At least Booker didn’t have to do another unnecessary job here though and that’s a good thing.

Post match Benoit comes in for the beatdown but Goldust makes the save. The Dudleyz come in and clean house with chairs.

Rey Mysterio video.

Goldust grabs Booker’s hand for a celebratory dance. Booker isn’t happy with that because the NWO is coming for them. This turns into a discussion of Jon Bon Jovi until Booker superkicks a pretzel vendor who looks like X-Pac. That probably does deserve a beating.

Jackie Gayda isn’t happy about Trish Stratus interfering last week. Apparently Trish is jealous of the attention Jackie has been getting and can’t handle it. Christopher Nowinski comes in to rip on Trish for wearing a cowboy hat and looking like Yosemite Sam. The result is a mixed tag with Bradshaw as Trish’s partner. Of note here, Jackie had some of the worst acting skills I’ve ever seen here. She has almost no presence and is just reading her lines. Trish isn’t great but at least she sounds natural.

Video of Rock asking if Lillian would like some strudel. Lillian: “More than anything in the world Rock.”

Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Chris Benoit

Before the match, Goldust, dressed as Ben Franklin and talking like Santa Claus, suggests a partnership with the Dudleyz to fight the NWO. This turns into a discussion of wanting to punch Thomas Jefferson in the gonads. Benoit takes him down to start but gets suplexed. Eddie offers a distraction though and the middle rope backsplash misses. That’s enough for Benoit to snap off a German suplex but Bubba grabs one of his own. Eddie goes after Spike as the Bubba Bomb gets two. The Spike factor allows Benoit to grab the Crossface for the submission.

Rating: C. This is a good role for Bubba but I’m not clear on why Benoit and Guerrero aren’t higher up the card. I mean, save for Undertaker STILL being champion for reasons that aren’t clear. The match wasn’t much to see but at least Benoit won, albeit after making sure Bubba stayed strong.

Guerrero and Benoit beat on the Dudleyz until Booker and Goldust make the save.

Video on Nowinski at Harvard. Ok then.

Recap of last week’s ladder match.

Ric Flair praised Jeff Hardy’s performance last week when, I kid you not, STEVEN RICHARDS interrupted and set up a match with Flair for later tonight. You bring Flair back to the ring, turn him face, and then give him a match with Richards? I mean, if Richards goes over (which he won’t) it’s one thing but a quick Flair win doesn’t help anyone.

Jackie Gayda/Christopher Nowinski vs. Trish Stratus/Bradshaw

This is an infamous one. The guys start things off and Chris wants a little football, only to tag in Jackie when Bradshaw gets down in the three point stance. Trish gets two off a dropkick and shoulder, which pretty much ends the competent part of the match. Stratus charges at Jackie in what I think was supposed to be a toss over the top but Jackie completely misses her so Trish just bounced chest first off the ropes.

I think Trish calls for a drop toehold or maybe a small package but Jackie kind of lays on her instead. I’ve seen over 50,000 wrestling matches in my life and I honestly do not know what they were trying to do there. That’s not good, nor is it acceptable. Jackie chokes on the mat and then the ropes before thankfully bringing Nowinski back in for some missed elbows.

Trish tags out, which brings up another issue. JR keeps talking about how the women have to face the women and the men have to face the men, so why did Trish have to tag? Shouldn’t Bradshaw be allowed to come in without the tag taking place to satisfy the match rules? A fall away slam sends Nowinski over for another tag and the men leave, because that’s clearly the best idea.

Trish tries what looks to be Stratusfaction but Jackie goes to the mat, leaving Trish to force her over with a snapmare. Some chops in the corner allow Trish to desperately call spots as JR tries to say Jackie just needs ring time. Trish shoves her off the middle rope, waits for Jackie to turn around like she’s supposed to, kicks her back into the middle of the ring, and hits something like a middle rope fist to the back of the head (supposed to be a bulldog and didn’t make contact anyway).

The fist comes close to Jackie’s head, Trish lands and turns around, and THEN Jackie goes down, allowing Trish to get the pin after the longest three minutes and fifteen seconds that I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Ignore Jackie kicking out at two and a half as the referee count anyway because they can’t let this keep going.

Rating: U. For unacceptable. This is a perfect example of what happens when someone has no reason to be in the ring but is out there because they won some competition. Nowinski was nothing great at this point but he could wrestle an acceptable match. Jackie looked like she was in her first week or two of training, let alone being ready for a live match.

There’s a difference between not being able to do much (see someone like Maven in his Raw debut) but being able to do that little amount at a watchable level. This was the polar opposite as Jackie couldn’t even do basic stuff right and you could see Trish getting mad out there. Completely unacceptable here and one of the worst matches in history.

Benoit and Eddie are annoyed when the NWO comes in to say there’s strength in numbers.

Montage of Rock impersonating various people.

Here’s the NWO for a chat. We see the NWO offering their assistance to HHH at King of the Ring, which apparently means HHH is joining the team. Shawn recaps the Kliq and then runs down HHH for sucking up to the fans too much. Just like the NWO, the Kliq is for life. That’s why HHH has until Vengeance to make the biggest decision of his life. Nash has his own bombshell because he’s coming off the injured list tonight. His idea for tonight: a ten man tag with Booker T./Goldust/Dudleyz/??? vs. the NWO/Benoit/Guerrero.

Ric Flair vs. Steven Richards

So is this really just taking place so a Philadelphia guy can wrestle? Flair stomps him down in the corner, followed by the standard chops and punches. A toss sends Steven outside, followed by a belly to back into the Figure Four for the submission.

Rating: D. What the heck was the point of that? This was an NWA style squash with Flair giving up nothing, hitting his usual stuff, and winning the match with his finisher. If this is the best they can do with Flair at this point, they’d be better off making him the boss again or just leaving him as a heel because this was a waste of time.

Here are Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar for a chat. Lesnar vs. Rob Van Dam is now for the Intercontinental Title (Wasn’t it already?) but Heyman would rather talk about making and exploiting everyone in ECW. Now Heyman wants to feed one of those people to the most dominant wrestler for the next ten years.

Tommy Dreamer comes out and threatens to innovate some violence and actually knocks Lesnar outside with a kendo stick. He makes the mistake of going after Heyman though and gets hit with the F5 on the floor. With Lesnar busy looking at Dreamer, Van Dam comes in and kicks Brock down. A Van Terminator knocks Paul silly. This was ALL for the live crowd, which is almost never a good idea for a TV show.

European Title: Jeff Hardy vs. William Regal

Regal is defending and gets punched in the face to start. The Whisper in the Wind barely makes contact but gets two anyway. A few knees to the face put Jeff down and the Regal Cutter gets two for the champ. Something like a Tazmission has Jeff in more trouble but Regal goes to unhook a turnbuckle pad. This villainy goes badly for him though as Jeff dropkicks him into the corner and hits the Swanton for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. Well that happened. Regal was similar to British Bulldog as he only held the title because he was from Europe, meaning Jeff isn’t likely the saving grace that the title needs. Hardy is basically getting the title as a consolation prize after last week, which doesn’t mean anything because the title hasn’t meant anything in years.

Video of This Is Your Life Rock.

Regal breaks down in tears over losing. Nowinski has to come in and help him up.

Bubba gives a rousing speech to get Van Dam to be the mystery partner.

Dudley Boyz/Rob Van Dam/Goldust/Booker T. vs. NWO/Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero

Remember earlier tonight when the Dudleyz didn’t want to team with Goldust and Booker T? Well forget about that because Nash has decided they’re partners here. There was no mention of Vince saying deal with it and team together and no scene of them agreeing to put issues aside and deal with a common enemy. Either of those things would have been fine and taken all of thirty seconds to do but instead we get neither, leaving it as a plot hole.

X-Pac and Van Dam start things off with Shawn shouting something from ringside. After the kicking exchange, it’s off to Goldust for an atomic drop and a tag to Bubba. Even Spike gets to snap off a headscissors but Benoit comes in to turn things around. The beating doesn’t last long as Van Dam is back in to monkey flip Eddie but the Canadian is back in to take over on Rob.

A superkick puts X-Pac down as the fans are trying so hard to care here. Unfortunately it’s all for naught though as the NWO is just sucking the life out of this show. The hot tag brings in Bubba to clean house but Van Dam goes after Shawn and walks into the F5 onto the stage from an invading Lesnar.

Back in and Benoit keeps working over Bubba as this keeps going. The tag brings in Nash to give Booker the big boot but he goes over to the other corner and OW MY QUAD! That would be a torn muscle and Nash wouldn’t wrestle again until April. Everything breaks down with Bubba checking on Nash and Shawn superkicking Booker. Show adds the chokeslam to put Booker away. JR: “IT’S AN NWO VICTORY!” Well to be fair, Benoit and Guerrero were just there anyway so it’s truer than it sounds.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen worse but you can feel the tape and paperclips coming off in a hurry. Nash getting injured is one of those things that only happens when nothing else can go wrong, but to suggest that he was going to save the whole show was ridiculous in the first place. Oh and well done by having Booker take the fall and not, I don’t know, SPIKE FREAKING DUDLEY. That’s so great.

Shawn says that’s what HHH is in for if he doesn’t join the team.

Overall Rating: F. This is a show where the wrestling was bad but the bigger problem is how it felt like the final straw. Yes the angles are horrible and yes the matches are hit or miss at best but tonight we had one of the worst matches of all time and one of the big stars coming back into the ring and then being put on the shelf for several more months, meaning the NWO continues to be worthless. Raw just does not have the credibility to survive something like this and it’s clear that they’re in need of a major shakeup.

On top of that, this was half Raw and half ECW reunion show with people like Dreamer and Richards being put on the card for the sake of appealing to the live crowd. Like I said, that’s fine for a show that has a lot of momentum but Raw had two decent shows in a row and that’s about it. Something needs to be fixed around here and it needs to happen in a hurry.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 1, 2002
Location: Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, New Hampshire
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re starting the second half of the year as things aren’t exactly the most thrilling at the moment. The big story here though is Jeff Hardy challenging Undertaker for the Undisputed Title in a ladder match. Now this match is really, really fondly remembered but I wasn’t blown away when I saw it a few months back. Maybe another viewing will change that so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Vince’s Ruthless Aggression speech from last week which transitions into Lesnar destroying Van Dam.

Here are Heyman and Lesnar with the former talking about how this is the summer of Brock Lesnar. See, Brock has the intelligence to be inspired by people like Kurt Angle. Over on Smackdown, Angle issued an open challenge to any rookie (actually it was to anyone Angle had never wrestled but whatever). Tonight, Lesnar has issued an open challenge to any veteran willing to be put into retirement.

Brock Lesnar vs. Ric Flair

Flair calls himself a legend but Brock says it’s the wrong year against the wrong guy. As usual, Lesnar is just not a good talker. Lesnar shows off the power to start but gets slowed down by a chop. A powerslam plants Ric and it’s time for Heyman to dance a bit. Some backbreakers send Flair outside because he has no idea what to do with a monster like this.

Back in and Brock goes shoulder first into the post but grabs the bearhug anyway. A not great looking spinebuster has Flair begging off but also sets up a low blow on Brock. The Figure Four is quickly broken up but Flair goes after Heyman, setting up the F5 to give Brock the pin.

Rating: D+. Lesnar beating a legend is a good thing but it didn’t exactly show us anything new. We’ve seen Brock do the exact same stuff time after time and that’s not exactly thrilling. He really is just a monster who is rising up the ranks but the lack of charisma and presence is hurting him.

Jackie Gayda says she didn’t lose the Golden Thong Award because she just didn’t win. Also, Molly Holly cost them the tag match last week. Cue Molly so they can brawl into the arena with Jackie missing a swing with a pipe. The fight heads into the ring but here’s Trish to pants Molly. Humiliation ensues.

Christopher Nowinski doesn’t want the Hardcore Title because it’s not worth the constant looking over your shoulder. Fair point actually.

Bradshaw vs. Christopher Nowinski

Non-title. Bradshaw beats him up and goes for weapons, only to be told that it’s a regular match. Chris gets in a bell shot for the cheap pin.

Rob Van Dam arrives and is annoyed that Lesnar has already had a match. He’ll settle for William Regal instead.

Jeff Hardy runs around backstage and climbs onto various things because tonight is a ladder match.

And now, Goldust is Darth Vader. Booker says he’s never seen Star Wars and he never will but he does seem to like the Lightsaber. “OBI-BOOK KENOBI!!!”

Vince and Eddie have a chat about ruthless aggression. The Spanish translation for ruthless aggression: EDDIE GUERRERO. Chris Benoit comes in and is ready for his Raw debut tonight. “The Smackdown guys” will have to be compensated somehow, even though Vince owns both shows now and should be able to dictate all roster moves.

Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal

Neither title is on the line. Regal starts with the half nelson suplex and those evil forearms to the face. The jumping double knees to the face have Van Dam in even more trouble and we hit a chinlock. A monkey flip gives Van Dam a breather and a spinning crossbody is good for two. Regal’s tiger bomb is countered with a backdrop and the Five Star gives Rob the pin.

Rating: C. Completely acceptable match here, assuming you’re ok with a champion losing clean. I get the idea of building towards Van Dam vs. Lesnar again and it gives Brock an actual feud but the lack of any serious drama doesn’t help much. This was fine though and that’s an improvement for Raw.

Post match Van Dam calls out Lesnar but Heyman comes out and says they’ll do it at Vengeance, presumably for the Intercontinental Title.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley vs. Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero

This is Benoit’s first match in over a year. Guerrero and Spike start things off with a dropkick and neckbreaker actually putting Eddie down. Bubba comes in and scores with a running splash in the corner as this is more one sided than you would expect. Benoit gets the tag and actually earns a nice round of applause for his first appearance in so long. It’s nice to see the fans show appreciation like that.

The first German suplex rocks Bubba but he partially lands on Benoit’s head for a somewhat scary visual. It’s back to Spike so we can get to the real beatdown. Bubba has to break up the Crossface but the save only allows some double stomping. Eddie dropkicks Benoit by mistake though and the Dudley Dawg sets up the hot tag to Bubba. One heck of a powerbomb gets two on Eddie as everything breaks down. What’s Up hits Eddie but he’s fine enough to climb the corner for a hurricanrana on Bubba. Not that it matters as Bubba gets in the Bubba Bomb to put Eddie away.

Rating: B. Who knew Bubba and Spike worked so well together? This was way better than I was expecting with Bubba doing everything he could and Spike taking a beating like few others could pull off. Benoit is back and while him losing doesn’t make a ton of sense, he looked great out there, especially with the suplexes.

Post match Spike gets thrown through a table and Bubba takes the Crossface, which turns into a choke.

Rey Mysterio is coming.

Big Show yells at Goldust, who says he’s Show’s father. Goldust hits him in the head with a plastic sword but here’s Kevin Nash, who says he’s Goldust’s daddy. You know, Nash and Dusty do have some similarities. Goldust gets beaten down.

Jeff Hardy ladder match highlight reel.

Undertaker isn’t worried about being in a ladder match and walks out when asked if he’s nervous. JR interprets this as being scared.

X-Pac is out too.

Booker T. vs. Big Show

This was supposed to be a tag match but Goldust and X-Pac are taking their naps. They take turns hitting each other in the corner and Show gets the better of it with a vertical suplex. It’s off to the bearhug for a bit, followed by a hard clothesline to drop Booker. Speaking of dropping, Show gets low bridged and dropped out to the floor. Show picks up the steps but gets them kicked back into his face for the very lame countout.

Rating: D-. Oh come on with that ending. You can’t have BIG SHOW do a job against Booker T., who could easily be in the main event scene at the drop of a hat. Big Show on the other hand looks like he’s wearing a one piece women’s swimsuit and has almost no business anywhere near above the midcard. But the NWO was a big thing years ago so let’s go with that.

Booker leaves through the crowd to avoid the NWO.

Post break here’s the NWO with Nash punching Show in the face. Shawn plays peacemaker and everything is cool because HHH is about to join the team. Ignore the fact that the NWO is on Raw and HHH is on Smackdown of course. For reasons of “it’s the NWO”, this takes WAY too long to accomplish. Shawn superkicks Show to wrap it up.

Vince makes Undertaker vs. Rock at Vengeance.

Matt Hardy wishes his brother luck and Lita makes a cameo to say the same.

WWE World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is defending and it’s a ladder match. JR warns us that this could be the biggest trainwreck in history. Before the match, Jeff jumps onto Undertaker’s motorcycle to start the mind games. The champ goes outside and has a ladder dropkicked into him, followed by a chair shot to the head.

That goes nowhere though as Undertaker clotheslines Jeff’s head off, only to have Jeff send him into the ladder up against the apron. Another ladder shot to the head knocks Jeff into the announcers’ table but Undertaker opts to climb back down and do some more beating. They both wind up inside for I believe the first time with the very slow beating continuing. Jeff slugs away for a bit but is punched right back down to kill the crowd again.

Undertaker puts Jeff inside the ladder for the apron legdrop and the destruction continues. A Whisper in the Wind gets Jeff out of trouble and he uses the ladder as a springboard to take Undertaker down again. It’s time for the big ladder and a horrible looking hurricanrana sends Undertaker outside. Jeff gets a hand on the belt but a chair to the back brings him right back down.

Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but Jeff gets in a weak chair shot to the head. Thankfully Undertaker almost pops back up so Jeff BLASTS him with a much better shot. That’s not really sold either as more chair shots slow Jeff down. A chokeslam off the ladder (chokeshove really) allows Undertaker to pull the title down.

Rating: C-. This is one of those matches that just hasn’t aged well. I remember losing my mind when Jeff hit Undertaker with the chair on the original viewing but this really doesn’t hold up later on. The last few minutes help this but it was a long squash until the ending. We’ve sat through a few weeks of Undertaker destroying the Hardys and now he does it again in Jeff’s signature match before moving on to the Angle match. Not great but watchable enough.

Undertaker leaves as Jeff pulls himself up. That’s not cool with the champ so he comes back and gives Jeff a Last Ride. Undertaker tries to leave again but Jeff says he’s still standing. Well with some help from the ropes that is. That brings Undertaker back to the ring again but he raises Jeff’s hand in a sign of respect.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is running with an anchor but they’re getting a few steps further this week. The main event made an attempt at elevating new stars and the tag match in the middle of the show was strong. Unfortunately this show’s biggest problem is that it’s compared to Smackdown. The blue show is doing almost everything right and making almost none of Raw’s mistakes. They’re trying a bit harder but there’s still a long way to go.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 24, 2002
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Thank goodness we’re past the miserable King of the Ring and that means it’s time to get read for Vengeance. Brock Lesnar is the new King and that means he’ll be challenging for the title at Summerslam, but that’s still a long way away. On top of that we’ve got the NWO running around doing…..something that isn’t entirely clear. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The midcard is around the ring and here’s Vince for the opening speech. Vince is often asked what makes him such a success and without a doubt it’s RUTHLESS AGGRESSION. We hear about how he beat WCW and the federal government before Vince asks which of them has the ruthless aggression he’s looking for. For some reason he keeps getting in Bradshaw’s face during this speech. Well that would fit the idea of pushing mostly older names who aren’t getting over anytime soon.

Vince starts praising Brock for winning last night while getting in Rob Van Dam’s face. A few matches are set up for later and Vince goes on a big rant about how important it is to be ruthless. This brings out the NWO with Shawn Michaels offering the team’s services to clear out some of the weaklings. Nash says if anyone has issue with that, go headline a few Wrestlemanias and then give them a shot.

Booker and Goldust are ready to fight the NWO because there’s no one tighter than the two of them. I mean, they’re buddies! Homies! They’re practically married! Thank goodness they’re not on the same show as Billy and Chuck. Vince makes Booker/Goldust vs. X-Pac/Big Show and threatens to fire Nash, just like he did to Scott Hall. Booker can dig that, sucka.

Bradshaw/Spike Dudley vs. William Regal/Christopher Nowinski

Lawler is too busy looking at the Harvard yearbook as Bradshaw throws Spike onto the two pompous jerks. Nowinski gets beaten up to start but Spike gets pulled out to the floor so Regal can start the beating. A very quick hot tag brings in Bradshaw for the house cleaning, including the Clothesline to Regal, only to have Chris grab a rollup and trunks for the pin.

Vince has a few names he wants fired, starting with Tommy Dreamer and Raven. They’ll have a match tonight and the loser is banished from Raw. The boss heads into a locker room and gets to see Jackie Gayda in her lingerie. That’s part of the build for the Divas Undressed special you see. Undertaker comes in but Vince tells him to not worry about Jeff Hardy because Jeff is a pushover. This was another version of beating you over the head with exposition.

Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Eddie Guerrero

Before the match, Eddie says there’s no way he’s going through a table. Bubba goes right after him with the high powered offense before trying an early Bubba Bomb….which is reversed into a rollup to give Eddie the pin in less than a minute. Huh?

Post match Eddie gets powerbombed through a table. Chris Benoit runs out to put Bubba in the Crossface. Again I say: huh? This whole thing, including Eddie’s long pre-match promo, took less than five minutes.

Rey Mysterio is coming. Now THAT is a way to fire up a show.

Goldust is now the Crocodile Hunter to check out the NWO locker room. Big Show is sound asleep and doesn’t hear Goldust loudly talking just a few feet away. X-Pac chases him off and Big Show talks about cheeseburgers. He was awake like half an hour ago and he’s already talking in his sleep?

The Hardys need to become singles stars because they don’t have any Tag Team Titles to win.

X-Pac chases Goldust but runs into a trashcan lid shot from Booker. This has turned into a bad comedy chase movie.

GET THE F OUT!

Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer doesn’t even get an entrance. Raven starts fast and uses a middle rope knee to drive Tommy head first into the mat. As you might expect, Lawler is all over the history of ECW, saying the loser here could get a job in fast food if they’re lucky. Dreamer goes shoulder first into the post but grabs a DDT for two. A Death Valley Driver gets rid of Raven in a short match.

Paul Heyman is ready to crown Brock as King.

Raven leaves without even getting to change. Matt Hardy jumps him to make up for last week.

It’s time for the coronation with Heyman taking credit for everything. On top of that though, it was his idea that the winner of the tournament get the title shot at Summerslam, which must have been the idea that he mentioned to Vince a few weeks back. That’s not exactly an earth shattering revelation or anything but I’ll give them points for at least addressing it. Brock comes out so Heyman can talk about how awesome he is but Van Dam runs in for the attack.

Post break, Heyman begs for and is granted a match tonight between Lesnar and Van Dam. Vince even makes it for the title, sending Heyman through the roof with elation.

Video of Undertaker destroying Jeff Hardy in recent weeks.

Jeff Hardy vs. Undertaker

Non-title. Jeff is thrown shoulder first into the post and a powerslam gets two with Undertaker pulling him up. The apron legdrop misses and Jeff gets in a dive, only to be chokeslammed on the floor. The Last Ride completes the destruction.

Undertaker rides away but Jeff says not so fast. He may have been beaten down time and time again but Jeff wants one more match: A LADDER MATCH for the title.

By the way: we’re over an hour and fifteen minutes into this show and no matches have broken three minutes yet.

Trish Stratus/Linda Miles vs. Molly Holly/Jackie Gayda

So….weren’t the Tough Enough girls on Smackdown recently? Like, in theory EXCLUSIVELY on Smackdown? Before the match, Molly says she earned the title but Trish brings up the whole cheating thing. Thankfully Trish and Molly get things going and, not so thankfully, the fat jokes are rolling early.

For some reason it’s off to both rookies at the same time, even though it would make sense to have them work with a veteran who can keep things under control. Trish and Linda take turns on Jackie’s arm until Molly starts choking on the top rope. The hot tag brings Trish back in and a Chick Kick gets two on Molly. Everything breaks down and Stratusfaction gives Trish the clean pin on the champ.

Rating: D. I get the idea of Linda and Jackie getting ring time but things might actually be able to go somewhere once we get passed Divas Undressed, which is suddenly the most amazing thing ever. It’s being treated as more important than the Women’s Title right now and that’s getting old in a hurry. But hey, that’s all the women are good for right?

We look back at Van Dam attacking Lesnar.

Van Dam and Lesnar are ready for each other.

Nash fires up the NWO.

NWO vs. Booker T./Goldust

Show powers Booker into the corner to start and the chops are enough to bring in X-Pac. Goldust comes in as well and hits his own Bronco Buster but the slow beatdown begins as the NWO takes over. Riveting stuff you see. Of course it’s time for a chinlock for a bit but a good looking spinwheel kick gets two on Goldust.

Show’s Final Cut gets two and it’s time for more kicks, only to have the Bronco Buster miss. Some heel miscommunication allows Booker to hit his trio of kicks on Big Show. Everything breaks down and Booker kicks X-Pac outside, leaving Goldust to load up Shattered Dreams on Big Show. This of course takes WAY too long and it’s the chokeslam to put Goldust away.

Rating: C+. Not bad here as they were smart enough to put Show on the apron for most of the match. He’s fine when they just let him beat people up and doesn’t do much otherwise, which is the best idea when you have three people this talented out there. Also at least they had Goldust take the fall instead of Booker and now Nash can be happy.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is challenging and runs Rob over in the corner to start. The fans get distracted by something in the corner of the arena but a jumping kick to Brock’s face brings their attention back. The beating begins though with Lesnar taking Brock down and ignoring the GOLDBERG chants. We hit the suplex for another near fall, followed by the backbreakers into a bearhug which gives me time to think about the Lesnar problem.

Brock is in such a weird place as he looks great and has all the physical tools but he feels like someone who is just doing the things a great heel can do instead of actually doing them. Instead of someone who is the top star, he comes off like the ultimate dragon for the real top star to slay. Van Dam breaks out and starts the comeback with the usual, including the top rope kick to the face. Heyman offers a distraction to break up the Five Star and then comes in to break up the cover off a split legged moonsault.

Rating: C. You could hear the crowd go silent on the finish and I can’t say I blame them. It’s pretty clear there’s going to be a rematch at Vengeance but that doesn’t make this much better. Like I said, Brock really isn’t the most interesting heel in the world. We really haven’t heard anything actually from him as it’s all Heyman saying “this guy is a monster”, which we could see without Heyman around.

Heyman gets the Five Star but Brock powerbombs Rob through the announcers’ table to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Until the aftermath of Jeff vs. Undertaker, this could have been on an episode of Heat. Yeah Vince addressed the locker room and that seems to mean a grand total of nothing. Really what it came down to was “now you all work extra hard” and then it was just another episode of Raw with a first hour that meant nothing. How can you go through a show and have so little happen until nearly the last third?

Above all else though, I’m not sure what the biggest story was on this show. In theory it’s the Ruthless Aggression part but what does that even mean? Vince said it like a new buzz word but the big thing I saw was the NWO leadership treating their two active wrestlers like rookies and teasing a Vince vs. NWO feud while Lesnar destroyed Van Dam to crickets. They need to fix something in a hurry because this show was really bad with the last half hour barely keeping it afloat.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 3, 2002
Location: American Airlines Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 7,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re at an interesting place here as it seems that we’re gearing up for Steve Austin/Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chris Benoit though Benoit isn’t quite ready to get back in the ring after his neck injury. Unfortunately the NWO is still running around and that’s not good for anyone, especially the people actually on the team. Let’s get to it.

Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Benoit and Eddie are in the back with the boss saying he’s got a lot to announce in the ring. If Austin shows up, Anderson is assigned with telling Austin to find him in the ring. Austin doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who is going to show up and go to the boss’ office but whatever. About fifteen cops follow Flair, Benoit and Eddie to the ring.

Opening sequence.

Here are Flair and the talented young’uns for the long opening chat. After a quick look back at Austin getting beaten down, Benoit gives the obvious explanation: Austin put him out for a year and it’s revenge time. That’s one of the few logical things I’ve heard on this show lately and it’s such a relief. Eddie says his title was stolen from him last week and it made him feel like less of a Latino man.

Then he gave Austin a frog splash and the blood started flowing again. Flair: “You are so cool.” As for tonight, Austin isn’t wrestling because he’s benched. That brings us Austin on the screen with an unconscious Arn Anderson. Austin (with bulging veins like I’ve never seen him have) wants Benoit or Eddie tonight but Flair says neither is available.

That’s fine with Austin because he can just fight Flair one on one. If Austin wins, he’s off the bench but if he loses, he’s back on the bench. So what does Flair have to gain here? The match is made anyway but Flair says it’s going to be a pure wrestling match. Austin is cool with that but has a question: what is a Nature Boy? Actually never mind as Austin has to stomp Anderson down some more and relieve himself on Arn’s shirt. If this is the best they can come up with for Austin, he might as well just walk now.

Hardcore Title: Bradshaw vs. Steven Richards

Richards is defending, neither gets an entrance and Jackie is guest referee because we’re in Texas and that’s going to make the fans care. Bradshaw kicks him in the face and hits a pumphandle slam before hog tying Steven. Now it’s time for a saddle and a big pair of horns because IT’S TEXAS YA’LL! Some trashcan lid shots get Steven out of trouble (apparently Bradshaw sucks at knots) but the Clothesline gives Bradshaw the title. Spike Dudley tried to win the title in there too but it really didn’t seem important enough to mention at the time.

Justin Credible and Crash fail at title defenses. Bradshaw winning the title might have meant something if Big Show hadn’t recently pinned him in a nothing match.

Kevin Nash gives the NWO a speech when Goldust comes in, dressed as Coach (meaning in a collared Raw shirt). He wants on the team so Nash says the winner of X-Pac and Goldust can be on the team.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Goldust vs. X-Pac

The X-PAC SUCKS chants are out in full force early on tonight and Goldust makes the fans happy with a quick stomping. He rakes the face but X-Pac’s spinwheel kick drops him. The Bronco Buster misses and Goldust hammers in some right hands to the head. Instead Goldust hits his own Bronco Buster, which would have been a much bigger deal about six years earlier. A second attempt is countered with a low blow (not a DQ due to storyline necessity) and the X-Factor sends X-Pac on in the tournament.

Rating: D. So we’ll ignore the X-PAC SUCKS chants and keep the NWO going because that’s what the fans want to see. In theory this is setting up Goldust and Booker teaming up to fight the power, though that’s assuming you consider the NWO any kind of power in the first place. The team is at least stable (for the moment) but more than one interesting member might help them out a bit.

Video on last week’s ladder match.

Rob Van Dam (who is actually shorter than Coach) thinks this will be his summer. Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar come up to laugh at Rob, who will be Lesnar’s latest victim in their tag match tonight. Lesnar going after the Intercontinental Title would be a good upgrade for him, though the booking might be a bit tricky.

Jeff Hardy plays guitar and is all depressed when Matt Hardy comes up. Matt: “What are you doing?” Jeff: “Just playing the guitar.” Jeff wants more out of life and seems bored. The extreme is gone and they’re hypocrites. Maybe he should take a bunch of stuff and screw up a pay per view main event. Or buy a compound and take over a bad wrestling show where he can box a kangaroo.

Flair wants more stipulations in the contract for the match with Austin (There was a contract?). Like, if he beats Austin, Steve becomes Austin’s personal assistant. That’s not all though: if Austin throws a single punch, he’s disqualified. Austin comes in and signs without reading it. That’s really, really stupid and not something Austin would do.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Terri

Trish is defending and this is a lingerie match so Lawler can freak out even more. Trish….I think misses an elbow to start and Terri isn’t sure what to do so she just steps to the side. A high crossbody (actually not horrible) gets two on the champ as Lawler is basically begging for clothing to come off. Trish loads up a powerbomb and we get all the required camera shots until Trish FINALLY hits the bulldog to retain. This was actually worse than you would expect as it’s clear that Terri has even less business being in a ring than most of the horrible non-wrestlers.

Post match Molly Holly comes out with brass knuckles and is nice enough to wait until Trish is ready to put up the belt like a shield. A shot to the head lays Molly out and Trish takes off her underwear to reveal a thong. What exactly that does for Trish isn’t clear but this division wasn’t exactly about common sense.

Arn is furious, as he should be. Benoit comes in and toilet cleaning jokes are made.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero/Brock Lesnar

Eddie starts but changes places with Brock without a tag. That means a double stomping for Bubba, who walks into something like an AA. We officially start with Eddie pounding Bubba down in the corner, who comes back with that good looking side slam for two. Lesnar comes in and it’s still so strange to see him in the midcard like this. Like he’d ever associate with anyone at this level today.

A DDT gets two on Brock so it’s back to Rob, who is promptly powerslammed for two. Van Dam spin kicks Eddie down and it’s back to Bubba for a big backdrop. Everything breaks down and Brock gets thrown with a release German suplex to scare the heck out of Heyman in a bit that shouldn’t be as funny as it is.

It’s too early for a table as Brock decks Bubba, setting up Eddie for a slingshot hilo into a seated Blockbuster (that’s a new one). The Bubba Bomb drops Lesnar though and it’s a double tag to Eddie vs. Rob with the big monkey flip sending Eddie flying. Everything breaks down (again) again and Brock misses a charge into the corner but Heyman breaks up the Five Star. Eddie comes in off the top with the frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C. This was messy as it felt like it was about three minutes too long and was spot after spot with no time to breathe. Lesnar was clearly in over his head here too as he wasn’t sure where to go after he finished whatever he was doing at the time. He’s young though and matches against anyone with experience will help him more than anything. Cut this down a bit and give us a little more down time and it’s a better match.

Booker thinks he would be a better king than William Regal because his side won the Revolutionary War. If anyone can explain to me why Booker is stuck in a midcard heel stable without some form of “well it was all we could think of”, you’re smarter than I am.

We look at the Tough Enough II finale. This would be the one where there were two female winners despite almost no mention of the “one man, one woman winner” from the first season. It says a lot when the host seemed confused by the result too, though the finalists seemed to know as the second female winner was looking anxious at the reveal.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Booker T. vs. William Regal

Non-title. Regal takes him to the mat as you would expect, followed by a shoulder block for two. The knee trembler gets the same but Booker chops him back and gets two off the ax kick. Regal goes outside and grabs a chair and the European Title. The referee gets rid of the first but Booker uses the belt for the easy pin.

Rating: C-. Two talented hands having a match for the sake of having a match, meaning no one cared. The European Title means nothing and the NWO is just there so why should anyone care about either of these two advancing to the final eight that they only have a prayer of winning?

Booker does a Spinarooni.

Tommy Dreamer gets sick in a bucket at the thought of having to face Undertaker.

WWE World Title: Undertaker vs. Tommy Dreamer

Undertaker is defending and Dreamer brings the bucket with him because we need this gag to continue. Dreamer gets sick again so Undertaker freaks out, allowing Tommy to get in some shots to the head. A powerslam on the floor makes Dreamer sick again and this is hard to watch. Undertaker elbows him in the face a few times and a chokeslam sets up the dragon sleeper to retain.

Post match Undertaker pours the bucket on Dreamer but here’s Jeff Hardy to dropkick Undertaker into the contents. I can’t stand this kind of stuff and it was one of the worst things Raw has done in awhile.

Back from a break and Undertaker beats up Matt to send a message to Jeff.

Here’s Kevin Nash for the big announcement: there’s a new member of the NWO and it’s…..Shawn Michaels, giving us five members with three active wrestlers. Shawn doesn’t talk or anything but the fans go nuts for his appearance.

Debra reads the contract and finds out that Flair is Austin’s assistant if Austin wins.

Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair

Punches are illegal and the loser has to be the winner’s personal assistant. They go to the mat to start and Austin can handle himself just fine down there, as is almost always the case. Back up and WOO is met with a middle finger. A half crab has Flair in trouble as I begin to question the logic of making your most popular wrestler work a style completely against his normal pace. It’s working well enough here but how bad could this be with someone other than Austin?

They chop it out and Austin chokes off the Thesz press for a change of pace. Here’s Chris Benoit and of course there’s no one to count a cover off the Stunner. Since this referee is especially stupid, Eddie runs in for a low blow and frog splash. Back from a break with Austin being sent out to the floor where he backdrops Flair again.

As Austin throws more chops, JR thinks Flair told Benoit and Guerrero to come in. Ric sneaks in a right hand and Austin sells it like he’s been shot. It’s time to go after the knee with the Figure Four going on in a hurry. Austin turns it over for the break and Flair gets slammed off the top. Some chops and pokes to the eye don’t matter much as Austin Stuns him for the fast pin.

Rating: B. Sometimes you just need two talented guys to go out and have a good match. This was a flashback for Austin as wrestled a technical style for years so it’s hardly like asking him to do something he’s never heard of before. Thankfully they didn’t go overboard with teasing right hands and Austin threw the chops like he was supposed to. Benoit and Eddie didn’t play too big of a roll either and Austin gets to one up the boss one more time.

Another Stunner and beer drinking end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s been a better effort made to push the strong main events lately and that’s almost always going to help bail out a lackluster show. Austin is starting to get some steam back but this personal assistant thing is going to get old in a hurry. Benoit and Eddie waiting in the wings is a great thing though and Austin should be able to have great matches with both of them at the drop of a hat. Actually I know he could with Eddie as I saw them fight at a house show a few days after this. Anyway, better show here but the midcard is still really needing some work.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 27, 2002
Location: Skyreach Centre, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Things are getting a bit more interesting around here but there’s a lot of bad still going on as well. Possibly above all else though, it seems that people like Eddie Guerrero and Rob Van Dam are moving up towards the top of the card, which is the most important thing that could happen at the moment. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We open with a big deal as Chris Benoit makes his first appearance in nearly a year after neck surgery. JR: “To these fans, Chris Benoit is bigger than Wayne Gretzky in Edmonton.” I’m only a casual hockey fan but I’m pretty sure that’s WAY off. Benoit says he was drafted to Smackdown but there was no way he was missing being here in his hometown. Before Benoit can give his reason for being here, Eddie Guerrero cuts him off.

Eddie says he’s the only one with charisma and Latino Heat but he’s glad to see Benoit again. Since Chris has been gone, Eddie has won the Intercontinental Title and took out Steve Austin, which Benoit has never done. Benoit isn’t impressed with Eddie hitting Austin and then running but here’s Ric Flair to cut off a fight.

Flair accuses Benoit of causing this because he’s a typical Canadian. That’s the kind of basic heel insult that is always going to work no matter what. Flair asks if the fans want to see Benoit vs. Guerrero or Austin walking down the aisle tonight. Well too bad because Austin’s wife had a family emergency and can’t be here. Benoit isn’t wrestling either because he’s a Smackdown guy. Unless he’s got a ticket, get out of Ric’s ring. So a ticket lets you get in the ring. Good to know. Security takes Benoit away.

European Title/Women’s Title: William Regal/Molly Holly vs. Spike Dudley/Trish Stratus

They loved this double title match gimmick. Regal and Trish are defending and only one title can change hands. Spike goes right after Regal to start and mostly botches a top rope seated senton, which looked more like a Rough Ryder. A headscissors sends Regal over to the corner and it’s off to the women. That means some Canadian fire as Trish hammers away to keep the crowd fired up. It’s clear that WWE knows how to give the fans something special like having Benoit and Trish in the first two segments but they so rarely do it. Molly gets in some forearms of her own in the corner but a quick backslide retains Trish’s titles.

Rating: D. Well that happened. They did the right thing by not changing the titles here but sweet goodness the European Title is about as worthless of a belt as I can remember seeing. If Regal vs. Spike in a series of matches that peak at three minutes is the best they can do, the title can’t last much longer.

Molly hits Trish with Regal’s knuckles.

Steven Richards says Jazz is out with a knee injury but she’s recovering nicely. Jacqueline comes in to laugh at Steven for calling Jazz cute and cuddly. Steven thinks Jacqueline has a crush on her so she DDTs him on the floor for two. Shawn Stasiak and the Big Boss Man come in and brawl, leaving interviewer Terri to become champion. The reign lasts all of ten seconds as Steven rolls her up to get it back. You would think doing the same joke night after night would have gotten old over a year ago but you would be wrong.

The NWO is getting warmed up when Kevin Nash comes in. If Booker and X-Pac lose their match tonight, they’re off the team. Booker wants his old theme music back. Goldust is shown eavesdropping from a tub.

X-Pac/Booker T. vs. Hardy Boyz

If the NWO team loses, they’re out of the group, which would leave Big Show and Kevin Nash as the whole lineup. X-Pac kicks Matt in the face a few times to start but the middle rope legdrop gives Matt two. It’s off to Jeff vs. Booker with the latter taking the Whisper in the Wind. Matt clotheslines the NWO and everything breaks down with Jeff cleaning house. Booker gets in an ax kick but X-Pac makes the blind tag and hits the X Factor for the pin. For some reason Booker is annoyed, even though he was the one not paying attention.

Rating: D. This is a match that did in fact happen. Really there’s just nothing else that can be said about so many of these matches on Raw as there’s no time to go anywhere and we’re in and out in a few minutes. Booker being in the NWO is fine but the big deal is when he goes against them and turns into one heck of a face. He’s certainly got the in ring ability to back it up.

Paul Heyman tries to go into the trainer’s room to see Trish but runs into Bubba Ray. Bubba beats Heyman up and talks about wanting to do this for years.

Tommy Dreamer is in the ring and I hope this goes quick. He tries to get a bite of a fan’s hot dog but spills it on the floor. Dreamer eats it anyway because he’s gross and this is a really dumb story. Cue Undertaker to force Dreamer to drink tobacco juice (he likes it) and crushes his throat with a chair. For some reason, this takes over ten minutes.

Heyman gives Brock Lesnar a pep talk.

Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Brock Lesnar

Bubba tries a new strategy with Brock by hitting him right in the face just after the opening bell. Amazingly enough it doesn’t break Brock’s jaw and he sends Bubba flying, much to Heyman’s delight. After a quick trip to the floor, Bubba scores with the elbow to the head and a neckbreaker for two.

Bubba has to fight out of a bearhug (with Lesnar lifting him off the ground like he’s the Hurricane) but gets caught in an overhead belly to belly. A flapjack has Lesnar in trouble but the side slam only gets two. The Bubba Bomb should have the pin so Heyman offers a distraction. Lesnar splashes Heyman by mistake but the F5 finishes a few seconds later.

Rating: C-. It’s a good idea to have someone get in some offense on Lesnar but that’s too much selling for a monster who has only been around for a few months. Bubba is a good challenge for Lesnar but Brock needs to move up the ladder a little bit faster. That Hardys feud went on too long and this needs to go a lot faster. Entertaining little match though.

Raven of all people says Steve Austin is in pain and his reflection is always looking at him in a mirror. Austin’s reflection is that of a troubled, tormented soul but this is his destiny. That’s quite the odd cameo.

Bradshaw vs. Big Show

In theory, Show is out of the NWO if he loses here. JR says this won’t be pretty and I can’t say I disagree so hopefully it’s pretty short. Bradshaw goes smart by taking out Show’s legs and pounding away. The forearms to the back don’t have much effect as Show runs Bradshaw over without much effort. They slug it out and the Clothesline only puts Show on the ropes. A chokeslam ends Bradshaw in less than two minutes. I mean, I know Raw is dying for stars and everything and they had put some effort into Bradshaw but the right move has to be to have Big Show nearly squash him clean.

Booker doesn’t like X-Pac stealing his pin earlier. Goldust, in NWO paint, comes in to applaud. X-Pac accuses him of disrespecting the colors but Booker says it makes him look like a freaky Oreo cookie. Booker thinks it’s funny but X-Pac runs off to tell Nash what’s going on. They couldn’t make this team any more lame if their lives depended on it.

Al Snow and the Tough Enough finalists are at the World in New York and we have arm wrestling. Jake and Jackie win if you remember their names for some reason.

Rob Van Dam congratulates Terri for winning the Hardcore Title. He’ll win the Intercontinental Title later tonight because no one gets as high as RVD.

Howard Finkel arrives late and disappoints Coach by not being Steve Austin.

Crash Holly vs. Goldust

Crash gets two off a dropkick and cradle but the Curtain Call finishes him in a hurry.

Post match Nash comes out to go after Goldust but beats up Crash instead.

Flair tells Eddie to not worry about Austin interfering.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is defending and this is a ladder match. Van Dam goes straight to the kicks to start, including the spinning version from the apron. The pace changes as Eddie sends him face first into the ladder which doesn’t even fall over. JR thinks Van Dam isn’t the same after going into a ladder. I might wait more than ten seconds to make such a bold statement Jim. Eddie wraps the leg around the post (smart move) and cracks it with a chair (smarter move).

Van Dam, despite having a crushed knee, does his rolling monkey flip out of the corner. That earns Rob a hard powerbomb but he’s still able to dropkick a second ladder into Eddie’s face. Cue Benoit down the stands and of course he’s got a ticket. How he has one despite the show being announced as sold out isn’t clear but this is an old standard so we’ll just go with it.

Back from a break with Van Dam dropkicking the ladder out from under Eddie for a big crash. Rolling Thunder onto the ladder isn’t enough for Van Dam to get the belt as Eddie climbs up for a big sunset bomb to put both guys down in a heap. Eddie goes up so here’s a fan to shove the ladder over like an idiot.

Van Dam gets knocked down again, allowing Eddie to hit a hilo off the ladder for the latest in a string of big spots. For some reason Eddie puts a chair in the corner, allowing Rob to send him into the steel instead (as per wrestling rule #3). The split legged moonsault onto the ladder onto Eddie and it’s Van Dam’s turn to be exhausted.

A suplex into the standing ladder knocks Rob down again but he monkey flips Eddie into the ladder in the corner. They’re beating the heck out of each other here and every spot is awesome. Rolling Thunder onto the ladder onto Eddie sets up the Van Daminator….but Rob’s Five Star off the ladder doesn’t work as the ladder slips out from underneath him. For once Rob plays it smart by kicking Eddie to the floor and climbing up to get the belt.

Rating: A-. Well that worked. These guys beat each on each other with everything they could find and it never stopped being entertaining. This was about carnage and people doing things to hurt each other with two very talented people knocking it out of the park. Van Dam getting the title back is a good call and he can hold it until another big time heel takes it away. Like Brock perhaps.

Eddie goes after Rob again but here’s Austin for the big beatdown. Flair and Arn Anderson come in and get stomped down, only to have Benoit jump the railing and deck Austin. Eddie adds a frog splash to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a show in two parts and we’ll look at the good first. Austin/Van Dam vs. Guerrero/Benoit is as strong of a main event scene as you’re going to get on Raw at this point and there’s little to complain about there. Above all else, it’s not the NWO and that’s an upgrade for everyone.

That pretty much ends the good stuff (with Lesnar vs. Dudley being somewhere in the middle) as the rest was mostly dull, though not horrible. The NWO and lower card title stuff comes off like the writers just meeting requirements instead of doing anything worth their time, though to be fair those titles are both so worthless that it’s probably not worth getting annoyed over. This was the best show they’ve done in months and hopefully the start of an upward trend for them.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 20, 2002
Location: Pyramid, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first night of the Undertaker regime and that means we’re getting closer to King of the Ring. In addition to that, I’m sure there’s a good chance that we’re going to get more of Austin vs. the NWO, which is now adding names for Austin to beat up from week to week. As long as it’s not Austin vs. Big Show, I think we’re good. Let’s get to it.

We open with a rest in peace video for the British Bulldog. There’s a lot more effort here than in most of these, though the fact that he was only 39 makes it even harder to accept. That’s just too young for anyone.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam comes to the ring because the scripts calls for him to be there, only to have Undertaker come out and beat the tar out of him. A whip into the steps busts open Van Dam’s eye and Undertaker hits him with the steps for good measure. Undertaker is mad that he didn’t get to open the show and had to beat up Van Dam for trying to steal his spotlight. When he feels like he has something to say, he’s going to come down here and say it no matter who is in the ring.

The number one rule around here is respect the Undertaker and you can ask Hulk Hogan what happens when you disobey. Last night, he killed Hulkamania and it’s over for good. In fact, Hogan is going to announce his retirement on Smackdown. As Undertaker keeps talking, the referees are STILL checking on Van Dam, which means we’re just waiting on him to get up and do something else. We keep hearing about respect as Van Dam crawls into the ring. Undertaker thinks Van Dam is thick between the ears and the fight is on with Rob kicking him down and hitting a Five Star.

Undertaker demands a match with Van Dam tonight so Ric Flair makes it a title match. Makes sense given their history but doesn’t make a ton of sense given Flair as a smart heel who would want to stay on Undertaker’s good side.

Hardy Boyz vs. NWO

X-Pac and Big Show here. Jeff starts with a headscissors on X-Pac as the announcers don’t have much to say about the Hardys getting destroyed by Lesnar last night. Matt comes in with a Side Effect but Show realizes that he’s Big and runs Matt over from the apron. Show gets in his big beatdown segment but it’s back to X-Pac who misses a charge in the corner. I can’t picture this pair of screwups being the best idea for a team.

The brothers get smart and try to double team X-Pac, only to get thrown around by Show. Booker T. kicks Big Show by mistake because this team is rapidly turning into a big joke that just won’t go away. With things going horribly for the NWO, here’s Goldust as Elvis for an accidental distraction, allowing Jeff to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. This is where the NWO belongs: as a tag team who can probably beat some lower level pairings but aren’t quite good enough to go after the Tag Team Titles, mainly because they don’t exist on Raw at this point. It’s amazing what happens when you get rid of Hall and let X-Pac do most of the wrestling. The matches aren’t good but they’re a lot less horrible.

Paul Heyman talks to Trish about her lingerie and sex is suggested. Denied, but it’s suggested.

The NWO argues over who should be the leader. Maybe Flair should have joined. Somehow this gets us to Goldust/Booker T. vs. the Hardys later tonight. Did anyone ask Matt and Jeff if they’re cool with this?

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

Trish is defending. Jackie slaps her in the chest to start, giving Lawler his favorite spot in years. A headlock doesn’t get Jackie anywhere but an armdrag into an armbar works a bit better. Trish fights up with forearms and a suplex for two. Lawler: “I’d like to be her thigh master.” Jackie misses a charge in the corner and the bulldog retains the title. This was actually pretty good while it lasted but the time hurt it, as is always the case.

Heyman and Lesnar come out and threaten Trish with violence if she doesn’t go out with Paul. Cue Bubba Ray Dudley for the save to give Brock his first singles feud.

Video on last night’s big matches. Isn’t that how you should open the show?

Tommy Dreamer is still gross and one person continues to laugh. This time he eats hair as he gets it cut and washes it down with something called Barbicide, which is apparently a disinfectant. What do you even say to something like this?

Rob Van Dam isn’t going to listen to the doctor who tells him not to wrestle tonight.

GET THE F OUT!

European Title: William Regal vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Bubba is challenging and starts fast with a slam and those big elbows. You really can see the Dusty Rhodes influence in there and that’s not the worst thing in the world. Molly Holly, in Regal’s corner here, trips Bubba to let Regal take over but the guys slam heads for a double knockdown. The Flip Flop and Fly have Regal in trouble and it’s table time for no logical reason. Cue Lesnar for the DQ.

After an F5, Molly slips Regal the knuckles to knock Bubba out again.

Here are Flair and Arn Anderson for the 10pm chat. Flair admits that he’s made some mistakes over the years but there are too few to mention. See, last night, Austin pinned the illegal man so it’s time for a new plan. This brings out Austin to hear said plan face to face. Or face to heels actually. Anderson threatens him with violence and Austin doesn’t seem impressed. Anyway, Flair says he owns Austin and is going to take him out of the ring. Stunning and beer drinking ensues.

Hardy Boyz vs. Goldust/Booker T.

Raven of all people comes out for commentary and rips on Lawler for his lame job calling matches. Lawler won’t be too interested in this match because Lita and her puppies aren’t here. JR asks about Goldust and Booker’s relationship. Raven: “You don’t know much about relationships Lawler. That’s why your wife left you.” Some forearms put Matt down to start and Booker dances around a bit before tagging Goldust in. The Side Effect puts Goldust down but here’s the NWO to kick Goldust in the back of the head. Matt grabs a small package for the pin.

Austin and Debra are at a karaoke bar. I don’t see this being funny.

Back in the ring, Goldust is still down with the NWO around him. Booker isn’t cool with X-Pac and Big Show interfering because it cost him a match. They yell at each other over their actions last night with Booker saying X-Pac can’t get laid. Show points out that they never invited Booker to join the team, which makes you wonder WHY HE’S STILL THERE. Can the boss just assign people to stables? Anyway Kevin Nash comes out to take charge of the group and rips into them like a bunch of losers. Booker is officially on the team and seems very happy about it because Nash is just so darn inspirational.

Eddie Guerrero is at the bar as well and sends Debra a teddy bear. Does the bar just happen to sell teddy bears? Austin isn’t pleased.

After the announcers plug the upcoming Australia show, Raven asks if Lawler knows anything about wrestling anymore. Raven gets on a regular mic and yells at Lawler for only talking about puppies. A challenge is issued for later tonight.

Debra asks Austin to sing but Eddie takes the mic and sings…..I have no idea actually. It’s booed off the stage as expected.

Raven vs. Jerry Lawler

Raven starts with some basic stuff and Lawler gets a bit more height than I was expecting off a backdrop. They head outside so Raven can yell at JR but Lawler gets all fired up and takes the strap down. A bunch of right hands and rams into the buckle have the crowd all entertained and knock Raven loopy. Raven bails before the fist drop can hit.

Rating: D-. They can’t even have Raven do a job for Lawler in Memphis? I’m fine with Jerry doing this once or twice a year to give the fans a quick thrill because nothing the company is going to put out there is going to fire them up like a quick Lawler match. That being said, I really don’t get the idea of having Raven walking out instead of just taking the pin. Then again, the insults he got in on Lawler were pure gold and more than make up for the loss.

Austin sings Margaritaville but Eddie doesn’t like it. Since this is 2002 Austin, he turns his back on Eddie and gets a beer bottle broken over his head. Aside from this taking WAY too long to finally get to the point, the idea of Austin vs. Guerrero is a huge improvement over the NWO nonsense. It’s going to suck for the Intercontinental Title but at least they’re elevating someone.

Undisputed Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Undertaker

Van Dam is challenging and his eye probably isn’t healed up yet. A big dive takes Undertaker out before the bell, which probably isn’t the best idea in the world. Undertaker crotches himself with a missed big boot and some kicks get some two counts. A clothesline puts Undertaker on the floor and Van Dam is right back out there with some kicks to the back. Undertaker gets back inside but can’t hit the Last Ride.

Instead he ribs off a buckle pad but opts to elbow Rob in the face instead. The chokeslam is broken up and Undertaker goes into the exposed buckle. Rolling Thunder connects for the pin with Undertaker’s foot on the ropes and Memphis is way too smart for that. Cue Flair to say the foot was on the ropes so the match is continuing. The Last Ride retains the title.

Rating: C. Undertaker gave Rob a lot here and it was a lot more entertaining than I was expecting. Van Dam moving higher up on the card is a good thing and it’s always cool to see someone younger in the main event scene. I remember watching this live but I had missed the foot being on the rope. It’s amazing how much fun you can have when you get surprised by something like this and buy that they did something like that.

Flair is pleased to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s a lot of bad stuff on here and it’s certainly not a good show but WHAT AN IMPROVEMENT this was over recent weeks. Guerrero and Van Dam are moving up the card, the NWO has an actual leader (though they lost both of their matches), Undertaker, though still bad, is a huge upgrade over Hogan as champion and Brock vs. Bubba could give us some good fights.

That being said, there’s a lot of bad around here too. There was way too much time spent on the bar segments and Undertaker’s opening segment, which could have been done in half the time. The short matches still don’t do the show any favors and it’s not a good sign that the Hardys have to work twice. They have so many people running around on the show with nothing to do but we need to see Matt and Jeff twice in an hour and a half? It’s still not a good show but this was miles ahead of everything they’ve been doing in the last month.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 13, 2002
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Since when does a city get Wrestlemania in March and Raw in May? It’s the final Raw before Judgment Day and the big question is what can possibly happen to Hogan and Undertaker now? Last week was a total disaster and I can’t imagine things are going to get any better here. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Hardy Boyz vs. Brock Lesnar

From a Tag Team Title match at Wrestlemania to putting Lesnar over two months later. Matt gets in a few shots to start but hands it off to Jeff, who is planted with a big, strong slam. Matt goes after the leg as the fans chant for the Maple Leafs. The slow beating of Matt continues until a ram into the buckle allows the tag to Jeff. Right hands don’t work and a HORRIBLY botched jawbreaker sets up Poetry in Motion for the big hope spot. Jeff hits a splash as Matt drops a top rope leg but Heyman pulls the referee out at two for the LAME DQ. JR: “I think the referee has disqualified Heyman.” Not quite Jim.

Rating: D. So Matt and Jeff get to beat Brock and almost have him pinned? Well on one hand, Lesnar shouldn’t be able to beat one of the best teams ever but on the other hand, Lesnar shouldn’t be in anything close to this much trouble yet. As has been the case with everything else around here lately, this was really poorly booked and does a lot more harm than good.

Post match, the Hardys hit their tandem finishers so Heyman challenges them to a rematch at the pay per view with himself as Brock’s partner. Matt immediately accepts in a very loud voice for someone not on a microphone.

The NWO is in the back when Ric Flair comes in. Flair has apparently taken over as leader for the group but he’s had to fire Scott Hall for dropping the ball at Wrestlemania and multiple other times (read as because of the Plane Ride). On top of that, of course Nash isn’t suspended because he’s just out healing from bicep surgery. As for tonight though, there’s going to be a new member of the team and it’s such a big secret that even the new member doesn’t know yet. Uh, that’s kind of a stretch no?

Get The F Out.

Here are Flair and Big Show with something to say. Flair mentions being a sixteen time World Champion, which makes him fifteen times better than the Maple Leafs. The Leafs have won thirteen Stanley Cups so I have no idea what he’s going for there. I get what he means but the wording is weird. He also has a real enforcer in Big Show instead of that worthless Tie Domi.

Flair thinks it’s clear that there’s a problem between himself and Steve Austin. He gave Austin everything he wanted and got Stunned so Austin is like everyone else here: trash. Austin is in big trouble on Sunday, but tonight Flair has other ideas. Tonight, he’ll be challenging Hulk Hogan for the World Title. I can live with that actually as their matches can at least be passable and shouldn’t involve motorcycles.

Post break we’re told that Flair has made his title shot a No DQ match. That’s probably necessary.

Hogan arrives…..on a motorcyle. Oh geez.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title and fallout from Eddie accusing Planet Stasiak of growing marijuana. I’ve heard weirder. I mean, I can’t think of anything at the moment but I’m sure it’s out there. Maybe on Planet Stasiak. We’re not ready yet though as Rob Van Dam comes out to watch as well. Stasiak grabs a quick gutwrench suplex but Eddie gets in a regular suplex to set up the frog splash for the easy pin.

Van Dam jumps Eddie post match. Eddie yells at Rob for interfering in his match (which he didn’t do) and promises to get revenge on Sunday.

Steve Austin doesn’t think much of Flair and does a lot of WHAT stuff to bother Coach. He says he’s going to win on Sunday and insults Flair in a bit that takes about three times as long as it should.

And now, A Day in the Life of Tommy Dreamer. See, Tommy is disgusting and brushes his dog’s teeth before using the same brush, shaves his tongue and drinks toilet water. I’ll take an answer to any one of the following questions:

How does this advance anything?

How stupid do you have to be to find this amusing?

What does this accomplish other than making the answer to the previous question laugh?

Was there no one else who could get this time?

Why am I watching this on a wrestling show?

Molly Holly vs. Terri

William Regal, who seems to be dating Molly is on commentary. Terri is wrestling in a tank top and underwear so you can imagine who Lawler is cheering for. We start with Terri’s horrible offense (since she’s not a wrestler) as Lawler makes fun of Molly for being a virgin. A suplex gets two for Molly but she gets crotched on top and taken down by a shockingly competent hurricanrana. Not that it matters as Molly small packages her for the easy pin. This got double the time as the match to set up Sunday’s Intercontinental Title match.

Regal escorts Molly out so she doesn’t have to deal with rude Canadian fans.

WWE World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

No DQ. Hogan is defending and comes to the ring on a motorcycle because that’s the plot point of his feud with Undertaker. A shoulder puts Flair down early and it’s time to pose a lot. Flair gets shouldered again so it’s time for an early chair. By that I mean Ric throws one around and tries chops for some reason, only to have Hogan chop him in the corner instead.

Hogan switches over to the much better right hands and a slam off the top as they’re just doing the old standards here. Flair takes over with a low blow and stomps away before starting in on the knee. The knee drop to the knee is blocked and Hogan puts Ric in the Figure Four. Flair makes the ropes and it’s already Hulk Up time. The big boot and legdrop look to finish but X-Pac comes in for the save. Big Show and Bradshaw are your next to run-ins, followed by Austin to Stun Flair, setting up the legdrop to retain the title.

Rating: D. Hogan and Austin in the same match and somehow the idea of them doing ANYTHING together was never even teased on TV. Pay either of them whatever they want to set that match up as I’m sure one of them would be able to get over their legacy issues if the check was big enough. Anyway, Hogan was much more in his element here: getting in and out in less than two minutes and having more than enough interference to keep him from actually wrestling.

Flair yells at the NWO and makes a lumberjack match with Austin facing the newest member of the team. Fine, but have we gotten a reason as to why Flair is with the NWO or whether or not he’s actually with the team? I know he’s hanging out with them but he’s not in NWO gear and isn’t announced as an official member. Ignoring the fact that Flair would be the last person to join that group, could they at least make this a bit more clear?

Hardcore Title/Women’s Title: Bubba Ray Dudley/Trish Stratus vs. Steven Richards/Jazz

Richards and Jazz are defending and only one title changes if the champions lose. Bubba throws Trish onto both champions to start and tells Richards to shut up. Trish takes Jazz inside for the opening bell before Bubba splashes Richards into Jazz. That means Jazz falls face first into Richards’ crotch. It’s funny you see. The weapons are brought in because the match is half hardcore (just like the division for years now).

Bubba starts punching Richards and crushes his crotch with a hockey stick and stop sign. Since we haven’t buried this idea into the ground enough, here are Crash Holly and Justin Credible to unsuccessfully go after the title. Steven tags Jazz in because tags exist in a hardcore match. Jazz’s double chickenwing slam sends Trish crashing to the mat but a quick Stratusfaction gives Trish the title back.

Rating: D-. My head hurts again and most of it is due to that hardcore nonsense. This story could have been done just as easily (and far more effectively) with the men being left out. At least Trish won the title back in her hometown, which makes you wonder why they didn’t just do the title change at Wrestlemania about six weeks ago. The hardcore stuff got the focus because it’s flashier and the title change is overlooked. Such is life in 2002 WWE.

Trish tells Bubba to get the tables and the already knocked out Jazz is powerbombed. Nice one WWE.

Undertaker has nothing to say about last week’s motorcycle incident. That’s probably better for everyone involved.

We run down the pay per view card. I’m not exactly thrilled, even with all the gimmicks included.

Goldust and Booker T. will be lumberjacks tonight so Goldust has given Booker a costume. We get part of the Lumberjack Song from Monty Python and Booker finally snaps. I don’t know what it is about these things but they keep cracking me up. It could be that it’s two guys with comedic chemistry and funny material instead of unfunny people with no chemistry and bad material. Just a thought.

Bradshaw vs. X-Pac/Big Show

X-Pac starts for the team and gets thrown around like the smaller guy he is so Bradshaw can drop some elbows. Bradshaw makes the mistake of going after Big Show though and gets double teamed with Show pulling him down by the hair. X-Pac gets thrown around some more until Show hits Bradshaw in the back with a chair. Two chokeslams give X-Pac the easy pin.

Rating: D-. Was this supposed to be interesting? The NWO is down to the sixth original member and someone who left the team twice, plus Ric Flair (maybe). It took two members plus a chair shot to beat BRADSHAW. The team can’t even beat midcarders on their own anymore and it’s not even sad anymore. Now it’s just annoying and a really big waste of time.

Hogan, in a helmet and leather jacket, says he was thinking about taking the gear off and scaring hoodlums in neighborhoods but he’d rather be a lumberjack. Cue Undertaker to beat Hogan down and tie him to the motorcycle. Undertaker then rides it around the back of the arena in something that looks like it belongs in a straight to DVD comedy which isn’t funny in the first place. Actually, I think Hogan does something like this in Suburban Commando (which is a classic and therefore doesn’t fit the earlier description).

After riding around the back of the arena for a bit, which looks more fun than dangerous and painful, Hogan crashes into some cardboard boxes. That could be very abrasive to the skin, especially in leather. This was more funny than bad but can I get Hogan in a leather jacket and helmet rampaging through neighborhoods and beating up low level criminals? That almost has to be a rejected movie script somewhere. Hogan gets looked at by medics and put in a neck brace, despite that probably being the safest stunt this side of a stunt man you’ll see in WWE.

Steve Austin vs. ???

Flair has handpicked the lumberjacks so Austin beats up the low level heels for a warmup. The newest member is….Booker T. Well who else was it going to be? Like seriously, who else? Regal maybe? Eddie? It’s not like Booker is doing anything else at the moment other than the funniest stuff on the show. Luckily Booker is completely willing to join the team, even though it’s a downgrade from the Lumberjack Song. Lawler: “Who wouldn’t want to be in the NWO?” JR: “Just about anybody with any common sense.” True story.

Booker hammers away and Austin hammers away before grabbing a spinebuster to take over. The FU elbow is broken up by Boss Man pulling Austin to the floor so Brock can beat him up. A ram into the post only gives Booker two so Austin hits another spinebuster and the worst right hands I’ve ever seen him throw. Flair and the NWO beat on Austin some more but he clotheslines Booker as he gets up from the Spinarooni. The NWO beats up Austin for the third time so he hits Booker low, beats up more lumberjacks, Stuns Regal…..and rolls Booker up for the pin.

Rating: F. My head is exploding from watching this. In case it’s not clear, Austin is fighting the NWO, which they established earlier tonight, over the last several months, plus THREE TIMES IN A FIVE MINUTE MATCH. The NWO has turned into a horrible disaster (which wasn’t that far of a fall in the first place) and now the newest member, and pretty easily the most talented member of the team at the moment, is losing in a 10 on 1 match? Booker is the kind of guy who could easily be elevated to the main event (which is DYING for fresh blood, especially on the face side) but he’s jobbing to Austin like this? There are no words.

Post match Arn Anderson of all people jumps Austin from behind and a big beatdown ends the show.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. This show has turned into a circus and the NWO is stuck in the tiny car. The ONLY face worth anything on this show is Austin and he’s stuck with this never ending NWO feud where he’s clearly slumming it, even when the entire team is fighting him at once. Flair is a low rent version of Mr. McMahon, Brock is stuck fighting the Hardyz again and again, Booker is now in the NWO because reasons, Eddie and Van Dam are talented but are basically this show’s cruiserweights (have the only good matches all night and then get forgotten by the halfway point) and the women are fighting about being virgins.

I don’t even know what to make fun of on here. They know how to put on good shows but this whole EVERYONE IS A HEEL BUT AUSTIN schtick is getting old. Let Van Dam go fight in the main event or have Booker help in the fight against the NWO instead of joining it. Just do…..ANYTHING other than what they’re doing at the moment. I have no idea who thinks this is the best way to go about doing things but something needs to change and it needs to change soon because this is some of the worst wrestling TV I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 6, 2002
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Maybe a new month will help things out a little bit. I know I say this every week but it almost can’t get worse than last week with Undertaker very slowly beating Hulk Hogan down because Hogan can barely move at this point in his career. The pay per view really can’t get here soon enough as I can’t imagine they’ll keep the title on Hogan any longer. Let’s get to it.

Oh and as of today: it’s WWE. I’ll put the over/under on mentions of the new name at 5000.

We open with…..gardening? An older woman chops up her bushes to get them into a perfect WWE logo, which she then lights on fire. The new tagline: Get the F Out. I actually like that as it gets straight to the point.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Jazz is defending, there are no disqualifications and Steven Richards is in the champ’s corner. The fans want puppies as Jazz sends Trish into the corner to start, only to miss a splash. Richards offers a distraction though and Trish’s rollup goes nowhere. JR says this is for the World Wrestling Entertainment Women’s Title and I think we’re all glad that name didn’t last.

Jazz throws her around with some butterfly suplexes for two, followed by the double chickenwing facebuster to send Lawler into hysterics. A Chick Kick and Stratusfaction has the champ beaten but Richards makes another save by superkicking Trish down to give Jazz the pin.

Rating: D. Was there a point to this that I don’t get? The No DQ stuff could have been forgotten with a simple referee distraction but to be fair I’d probably call that stupid. It might be easier to just have them do a regular match and scrap Richards as a whole but then we couldn’t do the following.

Bubba Ray Dudley with a Bubba Bomb, Raven with the Raven Effect, Justin Credible with a superkick, Crash Holly with a missile dropkick, Bubba with a trashcan shot and Trish stealing the title and a blinded Bubba (fire extinguisher) powerbombing Trish through a table so Richards can steal the pin gives us six Hardcore Title changes in about two minutes because old jokes are funnier when you do them for the third time in less than two months. Bubba takes Trish to the back because that makes up for powerbombing her through a table.

Here’s the NWO for a chat due to reasons of WE’RE TELLING YOU THEY WERE A GOOD IDEA AND YOU CAN JUST DEAL WITH IT! Show lets us see him turning heel and joining the team in a big moment. Two years ago, he was in the main event of Wrestlemania while Austin was hurt. Now it’s 2002 and he spent Wrestlemania in a restaurant pretending to have a good time instead of being on the show. Last month he was in a preliminary match on Heat while Austin had a #1 contenders match. Show is a monster that no one can stop and now the NWO is even bigger.

This brings out Ric Flair to say he wishes he could have Big Show’s natural gifts but he’s a sixteen time World Champion because he didn’t whine and cry. It’s really more about when Flair didn’t cry but we’re not quite to that point yet. Flair tells Show to deal with it and announces the NWO vs. Bradshaw/Austin/Flair, which he already announced last week. Hall promises a history changing announcement for later tonight.

European Title: William Regal vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending and is coming in with a bad ankle due to Regal attacking him over the weekend. He’s ready to fight anyway and jumps on Regal’s back, earning himself a stomp to the foot and a slam onto the ropes. A simple leglock makes Spike tap in about 35 seconds. That would be two title changes in 40 seconds combined for this belt.

Regal beats Spike up even more after the match. D’Lo Brown of all people comes out for the save.

Flair rants to Arn Anderson in a nothing segment.

Booker T. goes to 7-11 for a Slurpee and is annoyed that there’s no Booker T. cup. He runs into Goldust in a Latrell Spreewell jersey with headphones around his neck. Goldust has followed him from his hotel (Booker: “YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME???”) and wants to talk strategy for their match tonight. Booker seems to agree but has to go. Goldust: “If you’ll let me have a drink of your Slurpee, I’ll let you have a bite of my weiner.” Booker responds as you would expect anyone to if he’s offered a bite of a hot dog. Funny stuff as always.

We look at Planet Stasiak costing Brock Lesnar and himself a tag match at Insurrextion over the weekend.

Flair finds an APA hat in the NWO dressing room. Bradshaw doesn’t seem like one to just leave his hat laying around.

Undertaker arrives and assigns someone to watch his bike.

The NWO is standing near the entrance, seemingly waiting on somebody.

Planet Stasiak vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock fires off the shoulders in the corner to start as we get the GOLDBERG chants. The spinebuster looks to finish but Heyman wants an example made. An F5 and a boot on the chest is enough for the easy pin. Another squash.

Hulk Hogan has stolen Undertaker’s motorcycle because Undertaker left the keys in the ignition.

GET THE F OUT! It’s the same thing as earlier as the company is still WWE about an hour later.

Here’s Hogan on the motorcycle to Undertaker’s music. I really could have gone my whole life without seeing Hulk Hogan coming out to Limp Bizkit. Hulk gets right to the point by calling Undertaker out for a fight and threatening his motorcycle to sweeten the pot a bit. Undertaker comes out and tells Hogan not to mess with the bike. Hogan isn’t impressed and swears a bit before turning the bike on. It moves a whole three feet before the engine stalls, leaving Undertaker to…..stand right there and not do a thing.

Hogan finally leaves the bike on the ramp and runs (work with me here) after Undertaker as we cut to the commentators. You can hear the engine revving as Hogan is apparently still out there trying to get the thing to work. Well done by JR and King to not die of laughter here. The chase is FINALLY on with Hogan driving the bike around backstage (had to do it as the pre-tape shows him on the bike backstage). He changes pace a bit by driving around even more, all while shouting for Undertaker.

Hogan eventually parks it in front of a semi truck and gets inside as we go to a break. Back with Hogan crushing the bike. You know, a month and a half ago he used a similar truck to crush an ambulance with Rock inside so this is real progress for him. This was WAY too long and I’m amazed that both guys didn’t just walk off the show when the bike stalled. What a sign indeed.

Rob Van Dam/Jeff Hardy vs. Booker T./Eddie Guerrero

Van Dam and Guerrero hit the mat to start with Rob monkey flipping him down but missing a kick to the face. Instead a faceplant out of an electric chair sends Eddie crawling over to the corner for the tag to Booker. More kicks have Mr. T. in trouble and it’s off to Jeff as things speed up again.

Booker finally gets in a shot on Hardy and it’s time for a face to be in peril. An elbow to the jaw sets up the Spinarooni for two (Lawler: “Dagnabbit.”) but Jeff comes back with a dropkick (totally missed) and the real hot tag brings in Van Dam. Everything breaks down again and Rolling Thunder gets two on Eddie. Cue Goldust for a failed distraction so a Swanton from Jeff and the Five Star from Rob can put Eddie away.

Rating: C+. These guys are becoming the lone bright spots on this show and it’s a bit disappointing to have them all in the same match. At least it was one of the better segments so far this week with a good looking ending. You certainly can’t fault Eddie for losing when he takes back to back finishers so he was even a bit protected in the loss.

Terri has challenged Molly to a swimsuit contest later tonight with a contest between pure and wholesome or what’s under her robe.

Flair and Anderson think Bradshaw has joined the NWO, guaranteeing that he hasn’t.

It’s time for the swimsuit contest and of course Lawler is in charge. Terri comes out and Lawler is praying for a thong. Molly brings a pair of flippers for more proper swimming attire (JR: “The Hilary Clinton of the WWF.”). Molly decides she’s going first and, after putting on her swimming cap, reveals a conservative one piece with a skirt. It looks like a figure skating costume, meaning it looks like what a lot of run of the mill women would wear to a pool every day.

Naturally Lawler and the crowd think it’s horrible and treat Molly like she’s wearing a full body suit with only her ankles showing. Terri reveals exactly what you would expect and wins because fans go for the orange skin with countable ribs look. Molly lays her out with a flipper in the only heelish thing she’s done in the entire segment.

Flair goes to Bradshaw’s locker room (Bradshaw has his own locker room?) and finds Kane’s mask, which X-Pac stole weeks ago.

After a break, Flair runs into Bradshaw and demands an explanation. Bradshaw says he’ll see Flair in the ring.

Undertaker finds his bike. Where in the world has he been for the last half hour? He tries to pull the bike out from under the truck and then stomps on the bike, likely thinking that floating out of the top of a casket after cutting a promo to a camera hanging from the lid wasn’t so bad after all. Undertaker leaves and Kevin Nash arrives for the surprise.

NWO vs. Ric Flair/Bradshaw/Steve Austin

Austin and X-Pac start and it’s a spinebuster each for X-Pac and Hall. Steve cleans house with right hands but can’t get a Stunner on Hall. Instead it’s off to the Big Show for some choking in the corner and a backdrop that sends Austin flying. You don’t see Austin in the air that often. Bradshaw tags himself in for the fall away slam on Hall as JR thinks there’s only one Kane mask in existence. You know, because they’re not sold at the merchandise stands.

Show comes back in and throws Bradshaw around “like a double cheeseburger.” Who throws double cheeseburgers around? I’ve never been to Oklahoma but are things really that different there? The bloody (thanks to some Big Show headbutts) Bradshaw is beaten down by all three NWOites with Show headbutting him into the bad corner. A big boot finally drops X-Pac and it’s Flair coming in with the chops.

Everything breaks down and Bradshaw’s Clotheslines lays out X-Pac but Big Show pulls him outside for a chokeslam through the announcers’ table. Austin finally goes after Show (which is the point of this whole thing) but has to Stun Hall and X-Pac at the same time. Some Big Show chops have Austin in trouble and he falls out to the floor. Austin actually goes aerial again with a middle rope Thesz press to put Show down but the Stunner is easily blocked and we get a ref bump.

A low blow sets up the Stunner but there’s no referee. Of course there isn’t because this hasn’t gone on long enough. Flair hits Austin with a chair to go full heel and destroys the knee to make things even worse. With Austin down, Flair makes himself and Big Show vs. Austin at the pay per view. Ric grabs a Figure Four as the match is a no contest.

Rating: D-. The length here is the big problem as this went on for over fifteen minutes and set up the most obvious ending they could have gone with after eliminating every other possible option. Taking out the fact that Nash was just a decoy and what else could it have been other than Flair turning heel? It makes sense, but it was really tiresome having to sit through the APA hat/Kane mask stuff earlier. Just WAY too long here though and it really dragged things down even further than they were before.

Overall Rating: F+. Raw is now beyond free fall and has hit the ground, exploding on impact. Other than the same four midcard guys having their regularly good matches (less than six minutes this week), I can’t think of a single thing on this show that isn’t either too short, boring, offensive or the pit of torture that is the main event.

Raw has had six shows since the Brand Split. Here are the main event matches/segments which go along with Hogan/HHH as World Champion:

Kane vs. X-Pac/Austin contract signing

Austin vs. Hall

Austin/Bradshaw vs. NWO/Undertaker

Austin/Big Show vs. NWO

Hogan vs. Regal/Undertaker beats Hogan down

Austin/Bradshaw/Flair vs. NWO

Here’s the thing: other than two major pops for Hogan, is there any reason that Austin isn’t in Hogan’s spot? Hogan has a long history with Hall, Nash and Flair while Austin has a long history with HHH and Undertaker. Much more importantly though, Austin may be a shell of his glory days but he’s WAY ahead of Hogan at this point. Hogan’s matches so far have been embarrassing while you could at least pencil in Austin for watchable at worst. Couple that with swapping the NWO out for ANYTHING else and this show is instantly better.

Raw is a disaster right now with two major angles being huge wastes of everyone’s time and it’s turned into one of the biggest messes I’ve seen in a long time. I know people would get sick of the upcoming HHH and Shawn Michaels dominance but it puts this nonsense to shame. At least you could get a decent main event, which we haven’t gotten so far in six weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 29, 2002
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The question at this point is how bad can things get. The wrestling has been horrible but the stories have been some of the worst of all time with uninspired main eventers who look like they’re about to collapse from old age. Maybe things can start to pick up soon because it can’t get much worse. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Tonight: Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal. That’s one of those matches you never expect to see as Hogan almost never worked against anyone other than a main eventer.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Jeff Hardy

Eddie is defending and we hear about Lita breaking her neck in three places on the set of Dark Angel, which would keep her out of the ring for over a year. They start fast with Jeff grabbing an armdrag and his swinging sleeper drop for two. A quick trip to the floor lets the champ get his head together and it’s time to chop away in the corner. Eddie’s belly to back suplex looks to set up the slingshot hilo but Jeff is too annoyed at losing his bandana and rolls away.

Jeff scores with a superplex and starts hammering away in the corner. It’s too early for the Swanton though and Jeff gets crotched. JR: “That can’t feel good unless you’re wearing a couple of cups.” I think he means it makes it hurt less but JR often gets lost in his own talking. The Whisper in the Wind takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Eddie to get in a belt shot. The Frog Splash retains the title.

Rating: C+. Pretty good here but you could see that Jeff’s head wasn’t in it at this point. He was just doing his normal stuff and going through the motions while Eddie was doing whatever he could to keep the match together. The early days of his singles run weren’t great but when Jeff’s head was on straight, you can’t deny that the talent was there.

Recap of Austin vs. Flair and Big Show joining the NWO.

Austin arrives and asks where that lying no good SOB is. Production worker: “Mr. McMahon isn’t here tonight.” Austin: “I don’t mean that one!”

Here’s Austin in the ring to call out Flair. Austin starts drinking immediately and says he has a story for us. After some Beverly Hillbillies discussion to start the WHAT chants, Austin goes through the same stuff we just saw a video on a few minutes earlier. The WHAT chants keep going until Austin says he wants Big Show but calls Flair out right now.

Flair comes to the stage and says he had nothing to do with what happened last week (which gets a mini recap because we need to fill in time). Ric apologizes and says Big Show is in India tonight so we’ll get Austin/Bradshaw vs. Scott Hall/X-Pac with Flair as guest referee. The fans get where this is going immediately and seem interested, which is understandable as the promo was good but this is still leading to Austin/Bradshaw vs. the NWO. Austin promises violence if Flair tries anything.

That’s where this whole story falls apart: for reasons that aren’t clear, Austin is teaming up with Bradshaw to fight a bunch of washed up guys who are basically only there because WWE doesn’t want to admit that they were stupid hires. Of all the people on the roster, they picked Austin to fill this role? The company is DYING for star power right now and they’re using the biggest star of all time in this role? Is it any wonder why Austin was miserable around this time? It doesn’t fit and I don’t think anyone bought it in any form.

Booker T. is getting ready for his match when Goldust comes in. They won’t be teaming together tonight and Goldust feels like the loneliest person since Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. Goldust puts the blonde wig on Booker for luck. Booker: “If Big Bird and Spider-Man ever got busy, you would be the illegitimate lesbian.” I have no idea what that means but the delivery was more than funny enough to make it work.

Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam

Booker starts with some chops to the chest but gets kicked down for two. A quick powerbomb puts Rob in more trouble and it’s off to a chinlock. Van Dam fights up and hits Rolling Thunder but here’s Goldust to watch. Goldust gets on the apron for no reason other than to get us to the finish, meaning a collision with Booker. The Five Star gives Rob the easy pin.

Rating: C. This was as good as you would expect Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam to be in about three minutes. See, that’s the thing: maybe they should let these two perfectly talented wrestlers go like, seven or eight minutes? Have we gotten a reason that can’t happen yet? Or maybe let one of them fight with/against Austin to make the main event a bit more interesting? Nah, let’s let them do three minute matches which do nothing for anyone.

Bradshaw says Big Show attacked him last week. Well duh.

Jazz is doing push-ups when Molly Holly comes up to ask if she’s crazy. Apparently Jazz is challenging Bubba Ray Dudley for the Hardcore Title. Jazz just walks away.

Planet Stasiak is ready for Brock Lesnar. His axis is a bit out of whack and Brock has a tattoo on his back but it pales in comparison to Planet Stasiak.

Brock Lesnar vs. Shawn Stasiak

Stasiak goes right after him to start and is promptly splattered with a spinebuster. Brock posts him a few times and an overhead belly to belly makes it even worse. The F5 and helicopter bomb put Shawn away in a hurry.

Flair asks Debra to put in the good word with Austin, earning himself a slap. I forgot how worthless Debra was around this time.

Undertaker interrupts Sgt. Slaughter’s phone call and wants him to deliver a message to Hulk Hogan: a call out is imminent. Didn’t we just do this SAME EXACT THING about forty five minutes ago?

NWO vs. Steve Austin/Bradshaw

Flair is guest referee. Bradshaw gets chopped in the corner to start so he comes right back with chops of his own. It’s off to Austin vs. Hall for the WHAT stomps and a clothesline for two. A hard whip sends X-Pac into the corner and it’s back to Bradshaw as this match is already dying just a few minutes in. X-Pac dropkicks the knee out and it’s time to start in on the leg.

Something like a powerbomb makes Bradshaw remember to sell the knee as the announcers debate how hard it is to be a referee. Austin gets the hot tag and the pop is so weak that I don’t even notice him coming in. That was STEVE AUSTIN getting such a weak pop. Everything breaks down and there’s the Stunner to X-Pac for the pin. X-Pac’s foot was on the ropes and Flair missed it again.

Rating: D-. This was sad. Like, actually sad. Somehow this feud has made the fans uninterested in seeing Steve Austin come into a match and clean house. If there is a single reason to have Austin wasted in this feud and not facing, I don’t know, HULK HOGAN FOR THE TITLE IN AN ACTUAL DREAM MATCH, I’ve yet to hear it. Yeah I know about both of them wanting to protect their legacies but either could be bought for a big enough check.

The NWO complains to Flair, who didn’t see the foot on the ropes again.

Here’s Undertaker to call Hogan out. He remembers Hogan’s first run (Wasn’t that the one with Showdown At Shea?) and the fans cheering for him over and over. None of that matters though because he beat Hogan back in the day. Now, if you listen to Hogan on the Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD, that’s the biggest sin in wrestling. You know, because you’re supposed to think Hogan won or something.

Undertaker takes credit for Hogan leaving the first time because Hogan was scared. Now he’s so scared that Undertaker will beat him again and it’s probably going to cost him the title to Chris Jericho on Smackdown. The crowd is just dying for this stuff and it’s getting worse with every word. Hogan comes out and doesn’t say anything as Undertaker keeps talking. Probably as bored as all of us are, Hogan punches Undertaker out to the floor to end this.

Hardcore Title: Jazz vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Bubba is defending and, in case you actually need this made clear, only his title is on the line. Before the match, Bubba basically says “yeah I’ll beat her up because that’s what I do to women.” Jazz is the heel in this if that wasn’t clear. Bubba puts her on the top rope and blows her a kiss. Then it’s time for dancing together, followed by Bubba dancing alone.

Jazz gets caught up in the fake test of strength so she kicks him low. Some weapon shots to the head have Bubba in trouble so he bites her below the belt. Bubba puts a trashcan over her head and does the Flip Flop and Fly, complete with the crotch thrusts. It’s table time but here’s Steven Richards with a guitar to knock Bubba out and steal the title.

Rating: F. So to recap: we had a bunch of dancing, a low blow, more dancing and then Steven Richards. So now we’re supposed to be all impressed with Jazz because we don’t need to actually give her a personality when we can have her kick men low. This was one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a long time (or maybe since two segments ago) and you have to imagine these things are going to keep happening over and over.

Richards and Jazz run off together. JR can’t believe this could happen because he doesn’t remember it happening five times this month alone. After a break, Jazz and Richards escape in a car.

Regal is watching Hulk Hogan Rock N Wrestling (I knew I liked him) and is surrounded by a bunch of Hogan merchandise. He really doesn’t understand this because it makes everyone look like a pillock. People should be praising him because he’s someone with class. He’s someone who speaks the Queen’s English. He’s someone who doesn’t end every sentence with the word BROTHER. “Gets on my bloody nerves.” Regal promises to use the power of the punch tonight.

Bradshaw and Austin are drinking beer when Flair comes in. The Texans still aren’t convinced Flair is honest so next week it’s the NWO vs. the three of them. WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO KEEP GOING???

European Title: Goldust vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is defending. Goldust beats the champ into the corner to start and loads up Shattered Dreams. It’s fairly clear that he’s waiting around on something but nothing happens, so instead it’s time for more right hands. Another attempt at Shattered Dreams brings out Booker T. to attack, allowing the Dudley Dog to retain the title. Again: let this match go five minutes and maybe we can cut off some of the horrible stuff earlier in the show.

Hulk Hogan vs. William Regal

Non-title. Actually hang on because Regal would like to offer Hogan some tea. Hogan has a sip and spits it into Regal’s face to start the beating. Cue Undertaker as the match is thrown out before it starts.

Undertaker very slowly beats on Hogan who just lays around. Hogan is busted open as this just keeps going because Hogan couldn’t beat Regal up for a few minutes to cut down on some of this time. A chokeslam finally wraps this up to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Bring HHH back…..please. He might be a longer winded talker than most of the people here but at least you might be able to get an entertaining match out of him every now and then. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Austin is stuck in this AWFUL NWO story with freaking Bradshaw of all people because they need someone to put in there. I guess Booker T., Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero, Rob Van Dam, Bubba Ray Dudley, Spike Dudley and William Regal are busy.

The first hour was much better with one of the longest matches on the show (less than seven minutes) between Hardy and Guerrero and Booker vs. Van Dam for all of three minutes but the focus shifted to the veterans and their stories to cripple the show for good. There are watchable elements on the show but they’re completely bogged down by the old guys who won’t go away. In other words, it’s Nitro.

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