Monday Nitro #269
Date: December 4, 2000
Location: Pershing Auditorium, Lincoln, Nebraska
Attendance: 3,433
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

Starrcade is rapidly approaching and WCW is clearly on its (final) last legs. We’re building towards a double main event of Goldberg vs. Lex Luger II and Scott Steiner vs. Sid for the World Title. If you need a better reason than that to explain why WCW is in the shape it’s in, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of most of the events from Mayhem and the fallout last week.

The Thrillers are in the back and they run into…..oh sweet goodness they run into OKLAHOMA, who is reading a speech tonight which is going to require security. TNA wishes they could do this kind of stupid stuff.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Oklahoma to get things going and for some reason he’s carrying a bowl. He introduces himself a few times and then stops so the fans can chant for the University of Nebraska. Tony says we only have six minutes for this segment to further destroy any feeling of legitimacy this might have and make me scream SIX MINUTES??? Apparently the bowl is here so the fans can be close to a bowl for a change.

After that hilarious sports commentary, Oklahoma says he’s here to issue a statement from Mike Sanders on Sid Vicious. After spending a minute or so talking about how awesome the security is, the announcement is that Sid isn’t allowed in the building. Cue Sid to beat up Oklahoma, which draws out Sanders with security to arrest Sid. Somehow we’re over eleven minutes into the show and the top face in the promotion (we’re in trouble) has been arrested. This is totally like Austin right?

After a break, Scott Steiner arrives and tells Sanders he wants Sid tonight. Sanders blames Flair for Sid being arrested so Steiner says no one is safe tonight.

Konnan isn’t worried about facing Jeff Jarrett tonight and wants a six man street fight at Starrcade.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Kwee Wee

Yes it’s Chavo again, which at least means I don’t have to try to keep Lieutenant Loco and Corporal Cajun straight anymore. Chavo breaks up the pre-match kiss with Paisley and we’re off in a hurry. Kwee Wee’s throat is snapped across the top rope which seems to wake him up for some right hands to the face. Something like a tilt-a-whirl faceplant gets two but Chavo floats over into a DDT. Chavo goes after Paisley with a chair and the distraction lets Kwee Wee get in a sunset flip for two. Some hero. A quick launch into the buckle sets up a brainbuster to give Chavo the pin.

Rating: C-. I liked this more than I was expecting to as the more aggressive Chavo was one of the only good things in the last few months of WCW. Kwee Wee continues to be one of the guys who was so crushed by a horrible gimmick that he couldn’t showcase all the natural talent he clearly has.

Sanders tells Flair what happened with Sid and Steiner so Ric is going to get Sid out of jail before the end of the show. At least going into Wrestlemania X7 Undertaker said it would take him twelve hours to get out of jail for going after HHH.

Kronik has a new client.

General Rection says what happened to Torrie was an accident because that’s now what MIA is all about. He isn’t worried about Chavo’s new attitude because tonight he has a World Title match. I don’t remember the last time the “US Champion is #1 contender” rule was enforced but I guess this is bringing it out of mothballs one last time.

Hardcore Title: Elix Skipper vs. Crowbar

Crowbar is defending and Storm wants the weapons taken away from ringside. This brings out the Cat and Ms. Jones while Storm sits in on commentary. Cat sits in as well to give us a five person booth. Daffney comes out with Crowbar to make sure this is as crowded as possible. Crowbar pulls out a bunch of weapons from under the ring, allowing Skipper to get in a few cheap shots to take over.

A shot with a steering wheel misses for the champ as Storm FINALLY talks about how Skipper didn’t bring these weapons into the ring. Duggan and Major Gunns get in some cheap shots so it’s time for a catfight. Cat and Madden get in a fight so Storm jumps Cat, only to have Duggan hit Storm by mistake. Crowbar gives Skipper the Mindbender over a car bumper for the pin to retain.

Jimmy Hart’s DJ challenge. Why it says this is a “paid paid” announcement from Jimmy Hart isn’t clear but I’d assume it’s because WCW is really bad at this stuff.

Stacy Keibler and David Flair are in the back. She’s happy to be back but won’t say who the father is. Ric comes in and has security escort them out because of the whole Steiner thing.

Reno asks Marie why his family has ignored him since he got out of jail. She’s just glad she has his brother back.

We look back at Luger attacking Goldberg on Monday and then running on Thunder.

Here’s Lex Luger with a copy of Goldberg’s book. Luger thanks the fans as they chant for Goldberg and talks about how Goldberg has thirteen days left in his career, unless he can win 150 matches in less than two weeks. Luger finally gets to the point as he talks about Sgt. Dwayne Bruce (Sarge, better known as Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker), the man who trained Goldberg to be a wrestler.

We get a selection from the book with Luger altering a bit of the book, much to Sarge’s annoyance. The only think I can think of is how much Sarge looks like a small Brock Lesnar. Lex rambles on for a LONG time about how poor Sarge is to finally wrap this up. I have no idea why I’m supposed to care about a former sergeant/leprechaun who trained Goldberg but for some reason this is what we’re getting instead of Goldberg in the World Title match.

Norman Smiley is with one of the Nitro Girls when Scott Steiner storms in. Steiner asks Norman who he has tonight. That would be Goldberg so Steiner hits Norman with a pipe.

Shane Douglas promises to take out Hugh Morrus just like Morrus did to Torrie Wilson.

Morrus and AWALL say they have business tonight but find Corporal Cajun talking with Chavo. This isn’t cool of course.

Tag Team Titles: Insiders vs. 3 Count

So last week wasn’t a title match. Good to know. The Insiders are defending while Moore and Helms are looking forward to their three team ladder match for the #1 contendership to the Cruiserweight Title. Nash throws Moore into the corner to start and drives knees into the ribs. Oh yeah we’re firmly in squash territory here and it’s even worse than it sounds.

A LOUD WE WANT HALL chant starts up and we cut to Mike Sanders who says he has something big planned for the champs. Back in the ring it’s Page giving Helms the Pancake for two. A double suplex puts Page down as the fans (in theory at least) chant for DDP. The hot tag brings in Nash a few seconds later, setting up Snake Eyes and a super Diamond Cutter to put both guys down for the pin to retain the titles.

Rating: D-. Does this one really need an explanation? You have a team who is going to be competing for a title shot at the biggest show of the year getting squashed in less than five minutes by two veterans who probably just saw the titles and said “yeah we’ll have those this week”. Either give this match some time and let it be competitive (perhaps the time given to freaking Oklahoma where he made fun of Nebraska football fans) or just bring in local jobbers. I know it doesn’t mean anything now but this stuff is so endemic of one of WCW’s biggest problems.

Speaking of problems, post match here are Sanders and the Perfect Event to bring out Ric Flair. We see a clip from the title change at the pay per view showing the Insiders pinned the illegal man. Therefore, the titles are returned to the Perfect Event, likely so the Insiders can beat them again. Flair makes the rematch for Starrcade, which should complete the double beating.

Bam Bam Bigelow attacks Mike Awesome in the parking lot.

Reno vs. Kronik

This is the match where Kronik was hired but the referee throws it out after less than thirty seconds of double teaming.

Kronik keeps beating on him until Vito makes the save. Marie comes out to check on Reno as Vito walks away.

Glacier video.

Crowbar tells Daffney that they made a great team. She offers him a ride home but two women come up to leave with him instead. Daffney isn’t pleased.

Flair tells security to watch out everywhere for Steiner.

We see Goldberg giving a kid a WCW World Title belt on the Maury show.

Goldberg vs. MI Smooth

Forty nine seconds this time and Goldberg hugs Sarge after the latest squash.

Steiner says Flair is next.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Konnan

Jarrett accepts the Animals’ challenge for Starrcade but wants the Animals ejected before we get going. Konnan says it’s fine so Jeff jumps him from behind. A kick to the ribs and an X-Factor sends Jarrett out to the floor. Jarrett chairs him in the back to take over but Konnan gets in a shot to the knee. It’s a ruse of course as the Harris Twins come in for an H Bomb on Konnan, setting up the Stroke to give Jeff the quick pin.

WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. General Rection

Rection is challenging. Before the match, Steiner rants about all the guys he’s put on the shelf. Now it’s SID of all people so he wants Sid out here after this match. If Sid isn’t here, Steiner is coming after Flair. Scott jumps Rection during the entrance so Rection comes back with heavy forearms and a top rope clothesline. Midajah jumps on Rection’s back (Madden: “The luchador with implants.”) for the distraction and Scott takes over again.

That means more forearms and kicks to the ribs with a spinning belly to belly to refresh things a bit. We get the Tree of Woe choke for a bit but Rection backdrops out of a tiger bomb. Rection hammers away and knocks Steiner to the floor for a plancha. Back in and a powerslam sets up the moonsault for two, making it clear that Rection has no chance here. Another moonsault hits knees though and the Recliner makes Rection tap in a hurry.

Rating: D+. The match could have been worse but it continues the problem of building someone up only to crush them all over again. I’m fine with Steiner getting a big title defense but there was no reason to have the US Champion take a clean loss like this. Was there no one else on the roster that could have been in this spot? No one at all? Just more bad decision making which isn’t even a surprise at this point.

Post match Steiner heads to the back to get Flair as Shane Douglas comes in to hit Rection with a chain. Steiner finds Arn Anderson and beats him down to the ring for the Recliner. Flair tries to get out for help but Goldberg runs out instead, only to get jumped by Luger. You know, the guy who was just standing at ringside in case this happened. After that tease of Goldberg vs. Steiner in what should be the main event, Sid comes out but is held back by security to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The booking here is such a disaster that there’s almost no defending it. I have no idea why I’d want to see what they’ve got set up for Starrcade with mostly recaps from a show that wasn’t very good in the first place. The wrestling was its usual bad stuff that you had to expect but the real problem here is how badly they’re doing everything else. Steiner’s push has been acceptable but it should be setting up a showdown with Goldberg instead of Sid. Storyline or whatever aside, there’s no logical reason to not be setting that up. As usual, it’s a horribly run organization which has been the case for years now.

Thunder
Date: January 12, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Erie, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,947
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mike Tenay

We’re officially on Wednesdays now as Thunder goes running away from Smackdown as fast as it can. It’s the final show before Souled Out, which isn’t going to wind up meaning anything as the top half of the card is going to be thrown out the window due to a bunch of injuries. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from Nitro this week. The old guys are prominently featured.

Bret Hart arrives separately from the NWO.

Vampiro vs. Crowbar

To set the tone for this show, Tony brings up the Old Age Outlaws and Scott’s immediate response is “Oh you didn’t know.” Vampiro jumps David Flair during the entrances and goes after Crowbar early on. David gets planted with a Rock Bottom on the floor but Crowbar pops back up with a moonsault to the floor to take both of them down.

Crowbar hits a slingshot splash for two but Vampiro plants him with another Rock Bottom. Some kicks set up a pose but Crowbar plants him with a German suplex followed by a slingshot legdrop. Back up and Vampiro gets crotched on top, only to counter a hurricanrana into a superbomb for the pin. Short but entertaining while it lasted.

Vampiro gets beaten down post match until Arn Anderson comes out to talk to David. Crowbar goes after Arn and gets laid out.

Time to run down the card.

Here’s Bret Hart with something to say. The crowd has a right to boo him right now because he’s let them all down. He doesn’t like the way the NWO takes all those shortcuts so the NWO is out and the pink and black attack is back. Bret tells the NWO where they can stick it and here they come to the stage. Nash says Bret hasn’t learned a thing “since New York” because he’s still too stupid for his own good.

The crowd may want heroes, but Bret could have become a god in the NWO. Bret needs to forget about this Canadian hero bull because hard work doesn’t pay. That would be one of those shoot comments that isn’t meant to be a shoot comment. Nash offers Bret a chance to come back to the team right now, but Bret swears a bit more. He’ll go through the NWO one by one starting tonight so Nash promises to end Hart’s career. It’s a nice idea, even though I’m not entirely sure why Bret has had a change of attitude.

After a break, Bret is sitting in a room with a ball bat.

The Old Age Outlaws are watching on a monitor. I guess that passes for interesting now.

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. Norman Smiley

Norman is defending and this is taking place outside, but Norman it’s too cold. He’s finally forced outside and gets jumped by Knobbs, who nails him with a bunch of weapons. Norman comes back by throwing him into a wall and they hit each other with trashcans and a metal sheet. Cue a car to run Norman down, allowing Knobbs to hit him with a shovel, because RUNNING HIM OVER WITH A CAR isn’t enough, for the pin and the title, because Brian Knobbs is a better choice to be a champion than the entertaining Smiley, and doing this four days before a four way title match makes total sense.

The NWO kicks Bret’s door down.

Here’s the Revolution with something to say. They’re ready for the big showdown with the Filthy Animals on Sunday and Shane might even get in the match himself. Malenko promises to raise the Revolution flag on Sunday over the bodies of the Filthy Animals. Saturn talks about spinning wheels and nearly gets into it with Asya until Shane calms them down and tells Asya not to screw this up.

The NWO has Bret and carry him through the back. The Old Age Outlaws are STILL watching all this. I’m still trying to figure out why this is supposed to be interesting.

Jerry Flynn and Tank Abbott get arrested for fighting.

Madusa vs. Oklahoma

Non-title, but this is an evening gown match. Oklahoma comes out in a dress and carrying the Cruiserweight Title, so here’s Miss Hancock to shake her head at him. Madusa comes up from behind and kicks Oklahoma down before they whip each other into the steps. He can’t get the barbecue sauce taped to his leg so he slams Madusa and tries to get it out again. With that taking way too long, Madusa suplexes him down and strips his dress off for the win.

As if that’s not enough, Oklahoma gets the bottle loose and nails Madusa, rips off the top of her dress and pours the sauce over her. This is in no way symbolic of anything whatsoever.

The NWO burns Bret’s gear.

Madusa yells a lot, the producer yells clear, the segment ends.

Midnight vs. Booker T. vs. Stevie Ray

It’s an elimination match. Why you ask? I don’t know, but I’m assuming Oklahoma in a dress pouring barbecue sauce over Madusa’s chest will explain it. Midnight comes out first but we see Stevie jumping Booker backstage. Stevie comes out and beats Midnight into the corner for a knee to the ribs and right hands to the face. A clothesline and ax kick set up a powerslam as Midnight has had no offense.

Cue Booker who punches Stevie to the floor but Stevie wants a mic. He’s going to leave now and since this is an elimination match, Booker now has to beat up Midnight. So after we had the regular man on woman violence, we now get man on woman violence against the man’s will. Can we please get rid of Russo so we don’t have to watch his weird fetish stuff anymore?

Booker grabs a headlock before putting Midnight down with a few shoulders. He doesn’t want to follow up though so they stumble around until Midnight scores with a dropkick. Booker hits the ax kick but Stevie low bridges him to the floor and blasts him with a slap jack. He throws Booker inside and tells Midnight to pin him, but Midnight pulls Booker on top of her to give him the win.

Rating: F. So we had a man beating up a woman, a man reluctantly fighting a woman, and then a woman laying down and pulling a man on top of her. I’m sure Russo and Ferrara loved it because they seem to hate women in any form and good for them for getting to enjoy themselves for a few minutes while everyone continues to watch anything else.

Midnight dropkicks Stevie post match, but since that might mean a lowly woman got one up on a MAN, Stevie slap jacks her to put her back in her place.

Jerry Flynn is put in his cell and Tank Abbott jumps him. Because they’re cell mates. It’s WACKY!

Kanyon is ready for his champagne on a pole match. Well of course he is.

Nash is going to cut Bret’s hair.

Funk sends Zbyszko to find out if Bret has had his head shaved, because he doesn’t care enough to go find out himself. And that’s the boss people.

Chris Kanyon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Champagne bottle on a pole. Kanyon slugs him down as Bigelow gets inside but Bam Bam nails an elbow to the face. An early climb is countered with a powerbomb from Kanyon (looked better than you would think) but Bigelow crotches him to break up a bottle attempt. Bigelow nails a belly to back and falling headbutt as they’re trying this wrestling thing for a change. This time it’s Bigelow getting crotched as he goes up, allowing Kanyon to Russian legsweep him down from the ropes to put both guys down.

It’s Bigelow up first but Kanyon’s girls get on the apron to break up Greetings From Asbury Park. Your good guy tries to kiss the girl but Kanyon gets up for a save. Kanyon pulls down the bottle and dives into a right hand to the head. Bigelow grabs the bottle, throws it down, and headbutts Kanyon between the legs. Greetings From Asbury Park ends this.

Rating: D+. Somehow this is probably the match of the night, even though they ignored the gimmick of the match. You can almost cringe in advance whenever a woman is on screen these days though and it has nothing to do with their performances. Somehow we’ve reached the point where Vince having Trish bark like a dog is a lot easier to sit through than what’s going on here.

Post match Luger, still dressed as Sting, comes out and nails Bigelow with a ball bat. Luger loads up a Scorpion Deathlock (oh I’d pay to see him try that move) but a crow appears at ringside to screw off Luger and Liz. Bigelow gets up and yells at Luger, earning him a champagne bottle shot to the head.

Zbyszko and Orndorff look for Bret.

Package on Page vs. Bagwell, which makes sense, even though they never actually showed what started the thing.

Kimberly comes out to talk about various challenges before Gene gets to the point: why are she and Page having issues? Apparently Page doesn’t like Kimberly getting too involved with all the people at work but this isn’t about Bagwell. Gene: “How are things in the bedroom at home?” I’m wrapping this up quickly: Kimberly says this is private and doesn’t refute anything Bagwell has said other than she’s taller than he says.

MY GOODNESS stop treating the women on these shows like this. Madusa is stripped and covered in sauce, Midnight is beaten up and blamed for splitting up a team and now Kimberly is basically called a sl** who has been with every member of the locker room as Gene asks her about her sex life. This gets more and more ridiculous every day and it’s getting sickening.

Sid and Benoit are ready for tonight as well as Sunday.

Sid Vicious/Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett/Kevin Nash

Jeff promises to take Benoit apart on Sunday but gets cut off by Sid. It’s a big brawl to start with Benoit taking Nash to the floor as Sid hammers on Jeff in the corner. Well it’s not like Jeff can look any worse at this point. A big boot sets up a chokeslam but Nash comes in off the apron to break it up. Nash and Sid pair off as Jeff and Benoit fight to the back of the arena. This is firmly in the “it’s technically a match” category. Benoit comes back for a save but gets double teamed as the referee tries to keep this straight.

Jeff puts on the sleeper and of course gets reversed. He does however mix things up by jawbreaking his way out instead of using a suplex. Benoit grabs the ropes to avoid a dropkick and catapults Jeff into the corner. Nash breaks up the Crossface and everything breaks down again. They send Benoit to the floor and Nash blasts Sid with the US Title. Jeff tries the same thing on Benoit but eats a suplex. The Swan Dive is broken up and Nash shoves Benoit onto the belt, setting up the Stroke for the pin.

Rating: D. Total Attitude Era style main event here with neither team looking particularly good. I’m still not sure why I’m supposed to care about Sid vs. Hart on Sunday when they’ve barely interacted or why Nash being commissioner is going to be interesting (you know he’s going over Funk) but the wrestling isn’t helping anything.

Scott Steiner is out cold under a table and Bret is gone.

Bret, covered in bruises, walks outside but says he isn’t leaving like that. Ignore his hair clearly under the back of his hat.

It’s time for our big closing segment with Bret coming to the ring with a pipe. He wants the NWO out here right now so here are Nash and Jarrett with ball bats. Remember when people fought with their fists instead of metal objects? Bret gets beaten down so Anderson (with a bucket. A bucket?) and Funk (branding iron) come out. Didn’t Funk say he didn’t care? The old guys clean house but Funk thinks something is up.

Anderson throws the bucket of water on Bret, cleaning the bruises off his face. As you should have seen coming, Bret takes off his shirt and reveals an NWO shirt (because OF COURSE). Cue the New Age Outlaws (as Tenay calls them) but they’re quickly taken down. Sid and Benoit come out and take beatings as well, only to have Funk hit Nash low (because Sid and Benoit are worthless when compared to a legend like Funk) and go for the branding iron to end the show.

Overall Rating: SLRAMYBIBAWRPFBYAAWHNWHTAOGWCAYOPPBYATETGAJAEACDJWMAARATSTCFYHMPDAWSISGYOOAJAWFTDWRSIAYRHMDYRHDTTSOF.

For so long Russo and may you be impaled by a wild rhinoceros, preferably female, because you are a woman hating neanderthal who has treated a once great wrestling company as your own personal playground because you aren’t talented enough to get a job anywhere else and couldn’t do jack without McMahon, Austin and Rock around to save the company from your horrible movie plots disguised as wrestling stories. I’m so glad you’re out of a job and wait for the day when reality sets in and you realize how much damage you really have done to the sport of wrestling.

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