We’re still in 1993 here which means things are pretty bad. The main event is Flair vs. Vader for the world title. We also get a second world title match with Rick Rude vs. Hawk for the WCW International Title which is something I’m not explaining in depth again. As you know, WCW in 1993 sucked so it’s probably going to do it again. There are five title matches out of seven total matches tonight. Let’s get to it.

Gene opens us up and tells us to call the Hotline to vote for Manager of the Year.

WCW International Title: Hawk vs. Rick Rude

Well at least it can’t get much worse after this one. It’s a power match to start and neither guy can get an advantage so far. Jesse brags about being on Rude’s tights as Rude is sent flying into the corner. Hawk wants a test of strength and Rude does what every heel does in this situation. He hammers on Hawk and that doesn’t do much.

Hawk doesn’t feel like selling tonight so he hits a suplex for two. They haven’t used anything that wasn’t taught on Tough Enough yet. Rude jumps into a boot in one of the most telegraphed shots I’ve ever seen. Out on the floor now and they brawl to the ultra lame double count out.

Rating: F. The match was boring, they had one move that wasn’t a shove, punch or kick and the ending was lame. What are you expecting out of this? Just not an interesting match and I have no idea why they kept giving Hawk these singles pushes as he never seemed like someone that was any good without Animal.

The Equalizer vs. The Shockmaster

Equalizer is more famous as Dave Sullivan in 1995. In short he makes David Otunga look like Kurt Angle. If there is anything good and holy in this world, this will be short. Equalizer jumps him to start and pounds away. A belly to back suplex gets two. Rude and British Bulldog might be fighting in the back. Can we go see that instead? Shocky starts no selling stuff and gets the bearhug which he drops down with for a quick pin. Thank goodness. This was nothing but it was a short nothing so it wasn’t as bad as the opener.

Colonel Parker isn’t nominated for Manager of the Year and he doesn’t care. He’s dropped Sid and picked up Steve Austin. I’d think that was an upgrade for Parker. He swears he has a restraining order against Sid and that Sid is nowhere near but Gene says he say him earlier today. Parker bails.

TV Title: Johnny B. Badd vs. Steven Regal

Johnny is mostly a face and is gay here. He’s also not that good yet and is challenging tonight. Badd gets the crowd going so yeah he’s full on face now. Regal isn’t sure what to do with him. Jesse thinks Regal would never cheat because he’s English. Badd speeds things way up quickly and gets a bunch of two counts to frustrate Regal. Jesse and Tony debate British royalty. You can never accuse Jesse of keeping things boring.

They speed things up again as Jesse implies Badd cross dresses. Badd really likes that headlock as he’s on his third one of the match. Regal takes him down with technical stuff but Badd speeds things up again to frustrate Regal. Regal can’t get anything going at all so far. He finally gets some European uppercuts to put Badd down for two. Butterfly suplex gets two. The thing earlier with Rude vs. Bulldog was Bulldog challenging for the title which hasn’t been accepted yet.

Regal gets caught by a big right hand and Sir William is mad. Steven is out cold but Sir William puts the foot on the rope. Badd yells about it but gets rolled up with a handful of tights (despite there no being many tights there to pull in the first place) for the pin to retain. He held that title seemingly all the time around this era so that’s no surprise at all for the most part.

Rating: B-. Fun match as Badd was moving out there and Regal was all befuddled over it. Once Badd got serious around a year from now he got totally awesome and had some great matches with guys like Brian Pillman. You could see flashes of brilliance in him at times and this was rapidly approaching it. Pretty fun match.

Steve Austin vs. Brian Pilllman

For some reason the Hollywood Blondes, an awesome tag team, were split up and this is the grudge match. Colonel Parker was responsible for it by getting in Austin’s ear and is with Austin here. Austin jumps Pillman who doesn’t get an entrance. It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Austin losing control quickly. A headscissors in the ring puts Austin down and he begs off.

We go out to the floor again and Austin pounds him down. It’s so weird to see him this young and fired up. They go out to the ramp and Pillman tries a top rope splash but goes into a boot. They brawl into the ring and Austin gets something like a Stun Gun for two. Parker is worried about Sid so he keeps looking around. Austin throws on a half crab and uses the ropes. Wouldn’t that take pressure off the hold and therefore off the knee? I’ve never gotten that.

Pillman gets an elbow to the jaw to put both guys down for a bit. Steve goes up but gets crotched. Pillman tries a superplex but counters, sending Pillman appropriately flying to the mat. He manages to catch Steve coming off with a dropkick and gets a victory roll for two. A DDT gets the same as this is getting good. That means it’s probably about over too. The crucifix, a signature move of Pillman, gets countered by something like a Samoan Drop by the non-Samoan Austin.

Brian gets a cradle for a VERY close two. The fans are a bit quiet but screw them. Pillman avoids the Stun Gun but Parker pulls his feet down as he goes for something, allowing Austin to get the easy pin which might have included a handful of tights because that’s what old school heels like Austin use.

Rating: B-. Another fun match but these two needed more than ten minutes on a Clash. This could have been a huge feud over like the US Title or something but Dustin Rhodes wasn’t about to let go of that thing at this point. Austin would get it at Starrcade but this feud was long over by then. I never quite got white but I’ll chalk it up to WCW was stupid.

We go to the Battlebowl Control Center which is just a place to talk about the match and the buildup to it. Go check out my review of it if you really want to but it sucked so there isn’t much reason to do so. Orndorff says he’ll win it. Sting says he’ll win again.

US Title: Dustin Rhodes vs. Paul Orndorff

For the life of me I don’t get Orndorff’s constant pushes. He’s challenging here and has The Assassin (masked guy, started Deep South Wrestling and is Nick Patrick’s dad) with him. Dustin has his fat papa with him. The old guys (and the Assassin might be fatter) get into it pre match. The commentary is all about the old guys because the wrestlers in the ring having the match mean nothing.

Orndorff tries to cheat to start but that doesn’t go all too well. Dustin puts on a headlock on the mat while the old guys play keepaway on the floor. Jesse makes fat jokes. Orndorff grabs a hammerlock and Assassin yells encouragement. Something tells me this is going to be a very uninteresting match. Dustin counters into a top wristlock and down goes Paul. They go to the mat again and now Dustin is working on the leg.

Now it’s off to a chinlock in case those leg locks were too exciting for some viewers. Back to the armbar by Paul as Dusty is coaching. Orndorff hits a suplex and drops an elbow and BACK TO THE CHINLOCK. My goodness are they as bored as I am here? Backslide gets two for Dustin as does a lariat. Orndorff takes over again and mixes things up by putting a knee in the back on his chinlock. Dustin gets a clothesline for two. There’s nothing going on between these moves. Bulldog is blocked and Paul tries his piledriver. After a bit of boring stuff, Dustin small packages him for the pin.

Rating: F. I’m sorry but what was the point of this? It was about 11 minutes of nothing but chinlocks and rest holds. None of the arm or leg work ever went anywhere and the whole match was incredibly boring. No one was interested in the match either, which is true for the majority of Dustin’s run in WCW. Goldust was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Dusty and Assassin get into it post match and Orndorff can’t pick Dusty up for the piledriver. Dustin makes the save and somehow Dusty has the US Title at the end of it.

Keep voting for Manager of the Year.

Tag Titles: Sting/British Bulldog vs. Nasty Boys

The heels have Missy Hyatt and the belts here. Sting vs. Knobbs starts us off in a big brawl. Smith and Sags are on the ramp and Rude sneaks down to give Smith the Rude Awakening. Hawk comes out to chase Rude off and it’s more or less a handicap match now. All of that was pre-match. Oh great. Smith is more or less out so Sting officially starts with Knobbs.

Sting beats them both up and is in there with Sags now. He can’t keep the advantage though because he keeps going over to check on Smith who is still down. Sting gets a cover but the referee is with Missy, as so many others probably have been. The Nasties start double teaming and Sags throws him over the top which isn’t a DQ because the referee is still with Missy.

Knobbs suplexes him back in for two. It’s bearhug time as Smith is actually on his feet now. It only took him five minutes off one neckbreaker. Now THAT is some selling. Sting gets out with a belly to belly but Sags breaks up the tag again. Back to the chinlock by Knobbs as this is needing to end. Sting breaks it up and there’s a double tag to Sags vs. Smith. Smith cleans house and seems to be perfectly fine. He hits a bunch of double team moves including a double DDT. Smith throws Sting onto both of them and hits a falling slam (not a powerslam) to Knobbs but Sags drops a top rope elbow on him for the surprise pin.

Rating: D+. Not much here and the kind of clean pin was a good thing for the champions to get here in a match they probably should have lost on paper. The match was boring though as Sting dominated the whole time and then got caught in chinlocks galore. It wasn’t a good match or anything so the whole thing was pretty dull overall. Sting is always worth seeing though, especially for his big fans like myself.

Colonel Parker is talking to Flair and says Austin wants to face the winner of the main event for the world title.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Vader

Flair is challenging. Remember that this is the WORLD Title rather than the International Title. By the way as I’m sure you realize, this is the Starrcade main event a month before Starrcade. Buffer gives us some big match intros. We come back from a break and see Flair putting Race in the Figure Four but leaves himself wide open to a splash, giving Vader an early advantage.

It’s all Vader to start and he hits the Vader Bomb about a minute in. Flair isn’t in purple tonight so he’s not quite his best. He shrugs off some punches and chops away and stomps Vader down in the corner. And never mind as Vader does that standing avalanche thing and the pain continues. We go outside where Race gets some payback for earlier. Vader misses a splash against the railing and Sting is smiling somewhere.

Flair goes up AND HITS THE SHOT ON VADER!!! Maybe it’s something about jumping to the floor. Flair is all fired up inside now and chops Vader down which is something that you didn’t see ever. On the other hand you often see Vader kicking people in the face which is what he does here. A middle rope elbow misses and Flair gets a sloppy Figure Four. Race however reaches in to rake the eyes and break up the hold.

Jesse thinks it’s insightful that Race is a better second on the floor than Fifi. Vader suplexes him and gets a splash for two. He’s getting mad and even cusses a bit which is a bit more extreme in 93. We get our second Flair Flip of the match and our second Flair shot off the top of the same match. Vader clocks the referee by mistake and Flair goes up again. This time he jumps into Vader and is put up top again.

A superplex off the top hits but both guys are down. Vader is up but won’t cover. Instead he sets for the moonsault but Flair moves, even though Vader would have missed by a foot or so. Flair covers for the pin and the title??? And it’s a Dusty Finish because of the clothesline that took the referee out.

Rating: B. These two know how to make something epic and they did it here with limited time. They would have a better match at Starrcade but they had almost twenty extra minutes so that helps a lot. Not a classic like the rematch but this set up the Saturday Night match which was supposed to set up Sid vs. Vader but that fell through so there you are.

Austin comes out for the beatdown but Dustin makes the save. Flair wants a tag match and promises Sid as his partner. Parker says ok.

Overall Rating: C. Shockingly not a horrible show as the 93 date would imply otherwise. It’s not a classic and there’s nothing worth seeing but it’s miles better than the horrible Battlebowl show which was a Vader love fest. The opening hour is bad but the main event is a bit better, namely with the Battle of the Blondes and the main event. Not worth seeing though.

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We open with a recap from last night with the Survivor Series elimination match being shifted around.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston

Post match Miz offers a handshake (you read that right) but Kofi dropkicks him to the floor. Jerk.

Prime Time Players vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

As this is being written, Linda McMahon has officially lost her race in the Senate.

Booker and Teddy talk about the tag match tonight with Teddy saying that he made a lot of tag matches too. This turns into Booker implying Teddy is sucking up to him. Oh wait Booker is just kidding.

Big Show/Wade Barrett vs. William Regal/Sheamus

We recap the food fight last week with Orton and Del Rio.

We get the Brad Maddox segment from Raw. This one is clipped though.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton

He hands Del Rio a chair but Orton knocks it away from Alberto. The chair gets wedged between the top and middle rope in the corner but Orton dropkicks Del Rio to the floor. Alberto sends him into the barricade and has to escape the Elevated DDT. They head into the crowd with Randy giving chase. Del Rio whips him into some big metal cases. They head into the concourse and we take a break.

Back with the brawl continuing in the back before they head into the arena again. Del Rio drapes him over a barricade and hits a knee lift for two. They fight back up the steps with Orton pounding him in the head. A cameraman goes down as we go to a flat area where Del Rio hits a superkick and a chair shot for two. We take another break and come back with Del Rio having steps placed in the ring. Orton fights back and they go to the floor by the stage where Orton backdrops Del Rio from the floor to the ramp for two.

Results

Kofi Kingston b. The Miz – Cross Body

Prime Time Players b. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio – Clash of the Titus to Rey

Big Show/Wade Barrett b. Sheamus/William Regal – WMD to Regal

Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio – RKO onto steel steps

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We’re into November now and World War 3 is in three weeks. Well 20 days but you get the idea. Ok so it’s really 15 years ago plus a few months but we’ll be here all day if we get into that. Anyway after last week, there’s not much to go on so hopefully we really get things going tonight. Let’s get to it.

Sting is in the rafters. DiBiase, Vincent and Giant are in the crowd and looking up at him.

Tonight we start a tournament for the new WCW Women’s Title.

Eric isn’t here tonight, but rather in Portland trying to get Piper to sign a contract. Remember that. It becomes REAL important in a few weeks.

We get a clip from Havoc where Piper yells at Hogan. Tony says the fans have demanded it, including over the internet. Tonight a word is promised about the signing.

Marcus Bagwell vs. Brad Armstrong

Sting leaves before the match starts. Man even he hates Buff. Riggs it at ringside too. Random question but where have the Steiners been? Are they still out from the car wreck thing? Bagwell does the clap thing and to his credit, the crowd is doing it with him. Technical match for the most part as they’re on the mat a lot. One thing that’s unrelated to the match: there are fans in the front row leaning over people (nice guys) to try to see themselves on a screen. I guess there are monitors or something by the entrance. That helps a lot as far as the videos they play.

We take a break (in the opener? Between Bagwell and Armstrong?) and come back to Armstrong hitting some armdrags (with his strong arms I guess) to frustrate Bagwell. Bagwell hits him in the face and the brawl is on. The fans are getting into this too. A dropkick puts Bagwell down and he gets tossed to the floor. Bagwell does just the same, hitting a dropkick and a clothesline to put Armstrong on the floor. There’s a dive to the floor and Brad is in trouble.

The NWO is in the crowd. They seem to be in the same place we saw them earlier so presumably they’ve been there the entire time. Why we’re looking at them and should be surprised to see them eludes me but a lot of what WCW did eluded me. Ok now they’re leaving. A tornado DDT gets two for Armstrong. There’s a gutbuster for Bagwell and what looked to be a forearm to put Armstrong down. We get the same ending from Fall Brawl 95 with Johnny B. Badd vs. Pillman where they both hit cross bodies and Bagwell lands on top for the pin.

Rating: C+. Marcus Bagwell vs. Brad Armstrong got 15 minutes and a commercial on Nitro and IT WAS GOOD. I’m in an alternate universe here. Brad was almost always at least watchable but Bagwell was a tag team guy and the same wrestler he was five years earlier, so why in the world did this get so much time? I’m not sure but it worked pretty well.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Ice Train

We’re reminded of the NWO watching Page last week. Page whispered something to Nick Patrick before this starts. The NWO (Outsiders) are in the crowd watching again. Train easily overpowers Page to start and knocks him to the floor. Page is starting to look a lot like he would during his main run. The Outsiders leave. Page guillotines him on the top and hits a top rope clothesline to take over.

Tony says Teddy has become a role model for young people all over the world. I can see the tag team matches being made on playgrounds all over the world. Sunset flip (and a bad one at that) gets two for Train. Larry says Piper vs. Hogan would be the biggest match of the 20th century. I never thought I’d say this, but Larry has been in bigger matches than that would be. Pancake puts Train down for two.

Swinging neckbreaker gets the same and a huge kickout, sending Page onto Patrick. A powerslam and two splashes get a slow two. Page gets knocked to the floor when the Outsiders come in and destroy Train with the title belts. Patrick is on the floor with Page. The champs leave and the Cutter ends this.

Rating: D+. This was more angle than match, which is something you can usually say about Teddy Long’s clients’ matches. It’s cool to see the Outsiders doing something to pull someone up and it certainly worked with Page. Was there a kayfabe reason why Patrick never went on medical leave? I never got that.

Cruiserweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Scotty Riggs

Dean vs. Psicosis is announced for the PPV. The bell never rings so technically this is just a big prematch exhibition. Riggs has a bad shoulder coming in. Tony: “Well he’s trying to win. That’s a good sign.” Well what else would he be there for? A pottery class? Syxx pops up in the crowd as Riggs hits the post shoulder first. Riggs doesn’t seem to mind as he turns on the jets and sends Dean to the floor. There’s a plancha and back in a top rope double axe gets two. Scotty goes up again but Dean falls against the ropes and Riggs crashes onto the apron. Bagwell throws him back in and Dean gets an easy pin.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here and it foreshadows the troubles that the Males would have. Ok so maybe foreshadows is too big of a word given that they would only last like 3 weeks but you get the idea. Dean looked good here as did Riggs, and that ending fall looked awesome and painful at the same time. Decent little match.

We get a clip from last week with Mongo helping steal a win for Benoit.

Hector Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Hector is Eddie’s older brother and possibly even more talented. He’s also a dead ringer for Eddie if you just glance at him. I’ve often gotten them confused until I took a good look. Flair has had his surgery and Anderson is out with a back injury. On Saturday, Benoit said Sullivan is no longer the man he used to be. Sullivan pops up and says he’ll hurt Benoit in Baltimore. He’s actually talking about a house show.

Hector speeds things up and hits almost a Vader Bomb from the top rope out to the floor onto a standing Benoit. Benoit’s shoulder is still taped up. Hector works on the arm and mixes up the attack on it, because Hector Guerrero is smarter than most wrestlers. He goes to take the tape off and we take a break. After an NWO t-shirt ad, we come back to Benoit hitting a knee to put Guerrero down.

He draped Hector over the top rope with a release suplex and Guerrero is in trouble. Benoit works over the ribs and hooks an awkward abdominal stretch. Hector is basically crouched down and Benoit is bending over. Benoit hammers him down as Tony hypes up how amazing the second hour is. There’s the explosion. Hector grabs a small package for two. Guerrero speeds things up and uses a rolling tumbleweed style cradle for two. Woman breaks it up which isn’t a DQ. Benoit grabs a rollup via the distraction and uses the ropes for the pin.

Rating: C+. Another long match which again works. Benoit could move better this week which is a nice perk. Hector wouldn’t be around that much I don’t think so this was really just to avenge Eddie I guess. Nothing that great but they were moving well out there and the psychology worked so big points for that.

We look at Giant and Jarrett from last week. The Horsemen and Jarrett are in the aisle and Jeff says he’s the lead horse right now. Was he ever officially inducted? Benoit protests and says business pertaining to the Horsemen will be dealt with by a Horseman. Jarrett talks about getting WCW together as Sting watches. He just kind of goes on and on while we look at Sting.

The announcers talk about Sting.

Lee Marshall is in Florida for next week’s Nitro.

WCW Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Reina Jubuki vs. Madusa

Jubuki is Akiri Hokuto under a mask. Reina takes over quickly to start and chokes Madusa down. Another female Japanese wrestler comes out and watches. Her name is Zero apparently. Sonny Onoo rants like a heel Japanese man would in pro wrestling. Madusa hits something like what we would call the Stratusphere but Jubuki hits a release suplex and missile dropkick for two. The American grabs a quick German to pin the Japanese for the win. Too short to rate but it was way better than most modern female matches.

Michael Wallstreet vs. Chris Jericho

Wallstreet takes it to the mat quickly but Jericho works on the arm and then grabs a headlock. He tries to speed things up and Wallstreet fires him through the ropes. Tony calls the attorney of Nick Patrick a Schyster. I have a feeling there was a wink in there somewhere. Wallstreet pounds away as the announcers debate what the name Lionheart means.

Off to a chinlock and after awhile we look at the crowd. I can’t say I blame them as things got really boring all of a sudden there. Jericho comes back to break up the boring chants which were coming quickly. Missile dropkick sends Wallstreet out to the floor. Jericho gets sent into the post but as they come back in he grabs a quick small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here at all but they didn’t have much to go on. Jericho needed the ring time at this point and putting him in there with a veteran like Wallstreet was a good idea. This wasn’t all that bad but it’s nothing interesting at all. Basically just a way to make sure people remember who Jericho is.

Patrick and his attorney are here again and Jericho says there’s nothing wrong with the neck and that Patrick works for the NWO. Somehow this turns into an argument about Jericho’s dad playing in the NHL. Teddy comes out to yell at Patrick too. The attorney brings up Teddy being suspended while he was a referee like 8 years ago. Jericho cuts him off and says that’s the past, what Patrick is doing today.

We get a video from last week with Luger chasing after Sting to end the match with Booker.

Lex Luger vs. Booker T

Before the match we get an inset promo from Luger saying he’ll be waiting for Sting whenever he’s ready to talk. Luger grabs a delayed vertical suplex to start and seems to be more focused than he was last week. An elbow puts Booker on the floor and we take a break. Tony promises that if anything happens during the break, we’ll see it on replay. There’s no replay, so I guess we can assume that they just stayed in the same place during the break.

Powerslam gets two for Lex. Booker grabs a release Stun Gun to take over. Lex gets thrown to the floor where he takes a kick to the ribs from Sherri. Booker works on the back out on the floor. Back in the ring a hooking kick puts Luger down again. Side kick results in Booker crotching himself and Lex makes his comeback. He hits a powerslam and calls for the Rack but Booker grabs the rope. There’s a side kick to take Luger down and Colonel Parker is here to hug Sherri. An enziguri puts Lex down but Parker gets on the apron for some reason. Booker yells at him so Luger rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D. This was a chore to sit through. The problem basically was that I don’t think anyone thought Booker was going to get a decisive win here so it was just kind of waiting around until the end of the match. That’s a very boring kind of match to watch and I stopped this whenever I could to do ANYTHING else. It wasn’t bad but it was very uninteresting.

Sting is still watching.

Eric Bischoff calls in and says that things are going well with him and Piper, but there’s no match signed, due to attorneys and agents interfering. He won’t say what’s wrong but he’s going to talk to Piper in Toronto next week. This goes on for awhile. Remember this segment. It becomes very important later.

Remember last week where we saw part of the Hogan vs. Piper showdown from Halloween Havoc but it was clipped for time? Well here’s the FULL version! That eats up ten minutes.

Here’s the NWO to end the show. Hogan demands a spotlight so he feels like he’s in California. Here’s a clip from Santa With Muscles, as we’re actually playing the “my B-movie is better than YOUR B-movie” game between Piper and Hogan. Hogan, as Santa, beats up some goons/thieves in a mall. Back in the arena, Hogan talks about the Cable Ace Awards or something and threatens to come to the ceremony and steal Ted Turner’s award. Is there a point to this at all? Hogan says Piper is scared and hiding out with Savage somewhere. He poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Well it was better than last week due to the matches and wrestling being a lot better, but at the same time, nothing happened here. That’s the problem with having a main event like the big battle royal as everyone of note is in there and there might be a few other matches on there, most of which are just midcard matches. Things pick up speed soon enough though.

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This is the REAL 800th episode, at least according to WWE and is a three hour show. It means I’m probably wrong about some of the previous centennial episodes but does it really matter? Anyway we have a big long card and a bunch of highlights from the first 799 episodes which I’m sure we haven’t seen a million times before. Oh and Batista defending against Jericho in a cage. Let’s get to it.

DX fights Miz/Morrison tonight.

Here’s Orton to open the show. He says to either fire Adamle as GM or he’s walking. Shane and Stephanie won’t fix things so he’s going to put a stop to it. If you think he’s bluffing, try him. Orton gets a chair and sits between the announce tables.

Hardys vs. The Brian Kendrick/MVP

Matt is ECW Champion and Jeff is about a month and a half from winning the WWE Title. We get a clip from Episode #764: Jeff diving off the tower onto Orton from earlier in the year. Jeff vs. MVP gets us going with not much at all. Off to Matt so the Hardys can screw up some basic stuff. Back to Jeff for Poetry in Motion as the fans aren’t that interested so far.

Off to Kendrick who jumps onto Jeff’s back and kicks away at it. Sliced Bread is countered and Jeff hits the sitout gordbuster and brings in Matt. Matt cleans house, knocking Kendrick to the floor and hitting the Side Effect on MVP for two. MVP gets a shot in and it’s off to Kendrick. The referee didn’t see it so while he’s being put out, the Twist and Swanton get the pin MVP.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here as I think the Hardys were there to give us some kind of a nostalgia feeling, but it doesn’t quite mean much when the team hasn’t meant anything in years at this point. Also the lack of doubt as to who wins here kind of hurt things too. Kendrick’s push started and stopped in about the course of a month.

We get a clip of the first episode where Heenan couldn’t get inside among other things.

The Kid beats Razor Ramon on Episode #17. That really was a huge deal.

Battle Royal

William Regal, Manu, JTG, Shad Gaspar, Cody Rhodes, Jamie Noble, Snitsky, Ted DiBiase Jr.

Orton is still at ringside. The winner gets an IC Title match next week. Santino is on commentary as he’s champion. He declares himself champion of the world as this match is going nowhere. Snitsky the Bald is sent out by all three members of Priceless, but DiBiase throws out Manu and Rhodes in a nice move. Regal and Noble go to the floor but not over the top. Oh ok Noble is out. We have Cryme Tyme, Regal and DiBiase left. DiBiase fights the tag team and throws out JTG. Shad misses a boot so Ted can toss him, but Regal sneaks in to throw out Teddy for the win and the title shot, which I think he would win.

Rating: D-. Really boring match here with an ending that you’ve seen a million times before. Well you’ve probably not seen a million battle royals but you get the idea. Still though, boring match and it was about as cheap of a way as you could get to give Regal the title shot. Nothing else to say here.

Shane and Stephanie arrive. Stephanie says Shane can handle this, referring to Orton I think.

Episode #409: Vince buys WCW but Shane steals it from under him. Still a huge moment, still amazing how much they screwed that up.

Orton is in the ring again and talks about how Adamle slapped him in the face. Therefore, either Adamle goes, or Orton goes. Cue the dancing McMahon who says he doesn’t appreciate this. Orton says that Vince would get this done immediately. Shane says he’s not his father but they have the same last name. Cue Adamle who says everyone in charge of Raw has always had an agenda. He wanted to be the first unbiased GM, but unfortunately that hasn’t been happening. Therefore, he’s quitting, and also drawing the biggest pop of the night.

Orton however wants an apology still. Shane says Orton should apologize to Adamle. Orton has had an excuse of a bad shoulder lately, but Shane thought Orton looked fine at Cyber Sunday. Shane thought something was up so he went to Orton’s doctors, who said that Orton has been cleared to compete for months. Orton doesn’t want to come back until Survivor Series, but Shane thinks it should be tonight. Randy says he doesn’t have his gear, but Shane says he’ll take care of that. It’s Orton vs. Punk tonight.

Senator Barack Obama asks if you know what he’s cooking. Senator John McCain wants to know if you know what he’s cooking.

Vladimir Kozlov vs. Charlie Haas

This is during Charlie’s imitation period so he’s Bret the Hitman Haas here. He even cuts a quick promo but the voice doesn’t work at all. The fans didn’t screw Vladimir at Cyber Sunday. Vlad screwed Vlad. Boot to the chest, suplex, headbutt, pin in 25 seconds.

After a clip of Batista winning the title at Cyber Sunday, Big Dave says he’ll keep the title tonight.

Episode #257: DX invades WCW. HUGE moment here.

D-Generation X vs. John Morrison/The Miz

HHH is WWE Champion. DX does their intro and we get a clip from ECW where Miz/Morrison made fun of them for being old and then beat up some DX impersonators. Shawn points out that the impersonator has a huge nose. Maybe Shawn just got used to it over the years but THAT THING IS HUGE! They also mocked his chaps. You can punch his wife, you can spit in his face, BUT NO ONE MOCKS THE CHAPS!

HHH points out them making fun of Shawn for losing his hair. Shawn doesn’t remember this. HHH: “Well I’m pretty sure…” Shawn: “No they didn’t.” HHH: “Shawn I’m sure…” Shawn: “Drop it!” HHH: Well ok….” Shawn: “WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!” HHH makes fun of Miz/Morrison’s high school pictures. Miz looks like a horse and Morrison enjoys rest stop sex. Shawn says he’s ready, the fans say they’re ready, we get a clip of Big Dick Johnson giving Miz a lap dance for some reason which traumatizes Shawn, and now we get to the DX intro, complete with more gay jokes from the Game. Funny stuff.

Oh yeah we have a match to get to. This is joined in progress with Morrison getting two on HHH. HHH takes his head off with a clothesline and it’s a double tag. Shawn knocks Miz down and hits the elbow to set up the Kick. Morrison breaks that up and Miz takes over via a clothesline. Miz whips Shawn into the corner where Shawn flips, followed by Miz’s corner clothesline.

Morrison comes in and pokes Shawn in the eye so Shawn kicks him in the head. Off to HHH who cleans house with the knees to the face. Facebuster looks to set up the Pedigree on Morrison but Miz breaks it up, only to walk into the spinebuster. Morrison imitates Shawn with a forearm, nipup and then tuning up the band, with the kick connecting on HHH. Miz and Morrison do crotch chops and Miz loads up a Pedigree, which is easily countered. Shawn kicks Miz’s head off and the Pedigree ends this.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match at all as Miz/Morrison got to show off a bit here. There was never any doubt as to who would win as the non-degerates didn’t mean much yet. Seeing them imitate DX’s stuff was good though and that’s what popped the fans for the most part. Fun little match.

JBL is with Shane and says he should be the new GM. Shane says he’ll think about it and has an idea about putting JBL in a match tonight. JBL thinks he means making the cage match a triple threat for the title, but Shane says it’s against the Undertaker.

Episode #243: Mike Tyson is here. Another HUGE moment.

Face Diva Team vs. Heel Diva Team

It’s a sixteen Diva tag. Do you really think I’m listing off all of them in what’s going to be a two minute match at longest? There are only seven good Divas so here’s Mae Young to be #8. Beth pounds on Kelly to start but Kelly uses her screaming headscissors, which is her only offense three and a half years later. Here’s Mae and Beth sells WAY too much for her. She knocks down everyone but falls down. A brawl breaks out and Beth rolls up Mae for the pin. As usual, three girls were in the match. If I remember right Mae was legit hurt in this.

Smackdown ReBound of the casket match with Taker vs…..Chavo Guerrero? Big Show interfered but Taker won anyway.

Episode #456: Rock challenges Hogan.

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Punk and Kofi are tag champions here in a reign I don’t think anyone remembers. This is as a result of Orton punting Punk at Unforgiven and costing him the world title, which somehow wouldn’t have a proper blowoff match until 2011. Punk takes him into the corner to start but Orton pounds him right back down. Here’s the Orton Stomp and a knee drop for two. Off to a chinlock which is broken up quickly. Punk avoids a charge in the corner and hits the springboard clothesline. Orton comes back with a clothesline in the corner and loads up the RKO…and here’s DiBiase for the DQ. Too short to rate.

DiBiase pounds on Punk and Orton punts DiBiase all the way into The Marine 2. Ted gets stretchered out.

Rhodes and Manu yell at Randy about it and Randy says if you have a problem do something about it right now. No one moves.

Episode #772: Floyd Mayweather is thrown over the top. This wasn’t exactly what I’d call a huge moment.

Stephanie is looking very good in her office when Adamle comes in. He says he’s leaving because she micromanages. Stephanie says being in charge is her birthright. He leaves and Shane comes in. He has a major announcement about Survivor Series but he won’t tell her.

Episode #475: Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy in a ladder match for the title.

Here’s JR to call the next match and probably the rest of the show. Unfortunately it’s him and Tazz instead of him and Jerry like it should be.

Undertaker vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Taker grabs a headlock to start and hits a quick Old School. JBL shoulders him down and punches Taker in the corner. That doesn’t last long as the punching comes from Undertaker now, followed by a big boot and legdrop. The chokeslam hits and Taker does the throat slit. JBL escapes the tombstone and they collide with JBL falling to the floor. John looks to get back in but Taker sits up, so JBL bails for a countout for another short match.

JBL tries to walk out but Shawn throws him back in for a tombstone.

Jericho comes in to see Shane and the announcement is that the winner of Batista vs. Jericho gets to defend against the returning Cena at Survivor Series in Boston.

Episode #304: Ausitn and the beer truck.

Here’s Kung Fu Naki for a demonstration in the ring. Ok so I have his song on my iPod. Sue me. Horny comes in to dance with him. Boogeyman comes in to terrorize them and dances a bit too. Goldust, Jesse, Festus, Hacksaw, Slaughter, Lillian, Dusty, Cole and King all get in and dance too. Why is this happening? Oh ok, it’s so Ron Simmons can get a line in.

Episode #775: Flair retires. I can’t watch that anymore.

Episode #630: Edge and Lita’s wedding.

Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry/Kane

Kofi is a tag champion with Punk but for some reason he’s in this match instead. Rey vs. Kane to start and It hink you can figure out what’s going on here: Mysterio moves around a lot and gets in a few shots but Kane runs him over. Off to Henry who runs him over even more. A splash misses and here’s the tag to Kofi. His kicks don’t do anything as Henry just throws him around. Kofi manages to get in a shot to send Henry to the corner and he knocks Kane off the apron. Henry gets tired of being on defense and catches a top rope cross body in the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin. Basically a squash.

Kane throws Mysterio out…and here’s Khali. He chops down both other monsters and Rey’s music plays for some reason.

Video on Raw being a longer running show than ANYTHING, except for World Championship Wrestling on Saturday Night which ran over 20 years without missing a week but we don’t count that because it makes us sound bad.

Video on Cena, who is coming back at Survivor Series. It’s kind of a career retrospective.

Shane and Stephanie say nothing of note.

Episode #761: Tribute to the Troops 2008.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. Chris Jericho

Batista won the title at Cyber Sunday, 8 days earlier. Pin, submission or escape as usual. Jericho charges straight at him which goes about as well as anyone else charging straight at Batista goes. He tries to run over the top but Batista catches him and hits a suplex followed by a clothesline for two. Jericho gets rammed into the cage and screams in pain. Or is it laughter? He’s always been a complicated guy. Batista rams him into the steel again and we take a break.

Back with Jericho hooking the Walls of Jericho on the apparent injured knee of Batista. There’s some tape on there but you would have to know to look for it. Batista kicks him off but he kicks him to the door so Batista has to make a diving save. They fight near the open door and in a smart move, Jericho throws Batista’s leg out the door so he can slam the door on it. Nice move.

We’re told that the knee injury too place at Cyber Sunday. That makes sense. Back in the middle of the ring Batista hits a spinning Bossman Slam for two. Jericho goes right back for the knee and loads up the Codebreaker, but Batista rams him into the cage instead. A spear misses though and Batista is right back down after hitting cage. Jericho goes up to escape but climbs down in front of the door which Batista throws open and pulls him back in. That was creative.

Spinebuster puts Jericho down but the Batista Bomb is countered as Jericho grabs the cage and tries to climb out again. Batista manages to throw him off but gets crotched to put both guys down. They go up again and Jericho almost gets caught in a top rope Batista Bomb. He manages to pull something off the cage and rams it into Batista’s head which allows him to get over the top. Batista grabs the top of Chris’ head but can’t stop him and Jericho wins the title.

Rating: B. I liked this a lot more than the Edge vs. Cena cage match that I did recently. The best part here was that they actually came up with some creative spots and we got a surprise ending. Why they gave Batista an 8 day reign is a little unclear but I’d assume it was so they could give us a surprise here, which is fine. Good main event.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this show but it wasn’t great. The problem was that they didn’t seem sure if they wanted to do a regular show with nostalgia thrown in or vice versa which makes the show feel uneven. It’s entertaining enough though and that’s the important idea. Coupling that with a good main event and the show is definitely more good than bad, but it’s not a great show or anything.

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I’m not going to lie: I’m a diehard Muppets fan. I’m going to absolutely lose it when they come out and I don’t care who knows about it. As for the show, I really don’t care as it’s going to pale in comparison to all of the stuff with them. Henry vs. Punk is happening tonight and if Punk wins, he gets the shot at Del Rio in New York. Let’s get to it.

We open with Rock on satellite from earlier today. This is his response to Cena’s request for Rock to be his tag partner. Rock is pretty calm here. He says they both represent a generation and Rock (with some gray in his beard) says no. Why would he join up with the Fruit Loop Troop when Cena has been going after Rock for years?

However, the people started talking about how Rock had to do this. With that, he listened to the people and in that sense, Cena’s wish is coming true and at Survivor Series they’ll be a team for one night only. Also though, Rock is doing this so that Cena can witness what is waiting for him at Wrestlemania. The match is on.

Cena vs. Miz later.

CM Punk vs. Mark Henry

We get some exclusive footage from Vengeance, which is just the ring collapsing. They showed this on Smackdown ads last week but it’s called “never before seen”. So they don’t even watch Raw anymore? Before the match starts here’s Johnny Ace who says that if Punk can beat Henry he gets the shot at Del Rio. They probably needed to tell the live crowd that.

Punk tries to fight down the monster but gets caught in a powerslam for two. Punk sends him into the corner and hits a slingshot clothesline and the Macho Elbow for two. Alberto and Ricardo come down with Alberto giving Ricardo some specific instructions. Ricardo comes in and attacks Henry who shoves him off. That isn’t a DQ so Ricardo comes in with a shoe and that’s enough for the DQ at 2:35. That fits in the story so I can’t complain here.

Punk beats on Ricardo a bit and throws him in for the Slam.

THE MUPPETS ARE NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In two weeks, it’s the return of Rock to Raw. What is this, his third return special in 9 months?

HERE THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s Kermit and Miss Piggy and I can’t stop smiling. They come up from behind a stage and are kind of cheered. Piggy calls herself the original Diva and that brings out Vickie and Dolph. Swagger says it ain’t easy being a plate of frog legs and a ham sandwich. Kermit tries to play peacemaker and says they don’t want trouble from Swagger and his mother. Piggy and Vickie get into a shoving match and here’s Santino to a pop. He announces himself vs. Swagger later but Swagger closes Kermit’s mouth for him. Kermit faints from a lack of air. Santino says there will be no Dolph in Jack’s corner tonight because he has to face Ryder. Kermit and Piggy say WOO WOO WOO You Know It.

Here’s Kelly for no apparent reason in….some kind of costume. She has a cowboy had and a sword. Kelly kisses Kermit and Piggy is MAD. There’s a Divas costume battle royal next.

Battle Royal

They’re all in costumes and I’m not going to list off what they’re all in. Eve is Robin, the Bellas rule all as Mario and Luigi. AJ is a chick from Mortal Kombat. The match of course is junk as are most battle royals. Natalya is in there as….some kind of queen I guess. Kaitlyn is Dog the Bounty Hunter and is out.

We’re down to Nattie, Kelly, the Bellas and Eve. Eve beats up both Bellas and Alicia is in this still too. There go the twins after a Stinkface from Kelly. Natalya tries a cover out of instinct which Beth got on Eve for earlier. There goes Alicia as well as Kelly, but Eve dumps Nattie for the win at 2:45. She’s #1 contender now.

The good chicks stand down the evil ones and the bad ones leave.

OFF TO MUPPET LABS!!! Bunsen Honeydew has a potion for Santino and sends Beaker after him. Beaky runs into Christian instead and the Canadian steals the potion, pouring it out. Sheamus pops up behind Beaker who now has his head stuck inside his shirt. Christian leaves and Sheamus fixes Beaker. Beaker talks to Sheamus…..who says he can’t make the family reunion, but tell Aunt Teresa he says high. Sheamus fixes Beaker’s hair to look like his.

Air Boom vs. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett

The bell rings after a break. Bourne vs. Rhodes starts us off but it’s off to Kofi about ten seconds in. Kofi hits kind of a spinning pendulum kick in the corner but gets taken down by Rhodes kicking the rope on a springboard. Off to Barrett (in dark gray instead of black) who hits a Bossman Slam and then a chinlock. Barrett actually throws some punches and it’s back to Kofi. Kofi is beaten on for a bit until it’s a hot tag to Bourne. He speeds things way up and counters Wasteland into a DDT for two. Everything breaks down and Kofi is sent to the floor. Bourne gets caught in Wasteland and we’re done at 5:22.

Rating: C-. I don’t get that at all. What is the point in having the champions lose clean again to a thrown together heel combination? The match wasn’t horrible, but why did they need to lose twice like that? I don’t understand at all and it’s book like this that makes the tag division and champions in general look weak.

Post match Christian comes out for some reason to help beat down Kofi but Sheamus makes the save and kicks Cody’s head off.

STATLER AND WALDORF ARE IN THE BALCONY!!!! Statler does the WHAT chant to annoy Waldorf.

Punk comes in to see Ace, who he makes fun of. Ace says Punk can have the title match, if he can convince Alberto to give him one.

Brodus Clay is here next week.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Show pounds away in the corner and Del Rio is in trouble early on. It’s domination for the first few minutes with Del Rio only managing a few kicks to the legs. Show misses a charge but hits a clothesline to keep his momentum. Alberto grabs a sleeper which shifts into a chinlock. Show breaks it up and we head to the floor where Show pounds away on him. The bald one misses a charge into the barricade and Del Rio misses an enziguri which is sold anyway.

Alberto hooks a front facelock back in the ring but Show throws him off with relative ease. Both guys are down now. For some reason, Del Rio wants to slug it out with Show as they’re on their knees. Somehow Show is knocked down for two but he easily shoves out of it. Shoe sends him to the floor again and we take a break. Back with Del Rio working on the leg as this is needing to end soon. Speaking of that, Del Rio is sent to the floor and when he comes back in, he walks into the punch for the pin clean at 14:00. Another champion loses.

Rating: C-. The psychology was there for the most part but parts of this were way boring. Show is a guy you have to wrestle a certain way which I think Alberto did here for the most part. Not a bad match, but it needed to have about three and a half minutes cut out of it for the match to work.

Post match here’s Punk while Del Rio is still out cold. He pours water on Del Rio to take him up. Punk wants a clean answer and says before he gets that answer, Punk is going to put on the Anaconda Vice. There’s the hold and Del Rio agrees to the match. His mic goes out again but Punk shouts into the other one that HE SAID YES.

FOZZIE AND GONZO ARE IN THE BACK!!! They talk about how big the guys are and Gonzo says he could be a champion if he tried. Team Vickie comes up and pulls Gonzo’s arms through his shirt to tie him up, saying stay out of Ziggler’s match later. Gonzo is cool with it and Fozzie isn’t sure what to say.

Muppet Movie promo. Oh yes.

Animal is the guest time keeper for the next match. He’s as crazy looking as ever.

Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

Swagger beats him down quickly and does pushups on Santino’s back. The fans want Ryder. Swagger grabs the ankle lock but Santino rolls through it. Here’s Beaker with the energy drink to give to Santino. He winds up spitting it into Swagger’s face for the rollup pin at 2:37. Harmless fun.

Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is non-title. Basic start with a missile dropkick missing and we head to the floor. Dolph is put down and we take a break. Back with Ziggler in control, working on the neck. A neckbreaker puts Ryder down and Dolph nips up. Ryder catches him in a slingshot and they slug it out. A flapjack puts Ziggler down and here’s the Broski Boot for two.

Ryder gets a double knee to Ziggler’s chest in the corner for the pin but Ziggler’s foot was on the rope. The bell rings but it gets waved off due to the feet. Zack chases him around the ring but Vickie interferes. A superkick puts Ryder down but he avoids the Zig Zag. The Rough Ryder pins Ziggler clean at 8:54.

Rating: C. Do they know if they want Ryder or Ryan to take the title off Ziggler yet? It’s really unclear at times but maybe that’s the point. You do have to give them credit for giving Ryder a push due to his crowd reactions lately. Not a horrible match, but they need to either have him win the title or move him on to something else.

We recap HHH/Nash from last week. It’s 10:47 and we have Miz vs. Cena and Cole’s Challenge to go. Doesn’t Nash have a contract already? Why would he need another one? HHH will be out five weeks and Nash has been re-signed.

Cole gets on the announce table and says Ross isn’t here tonight due to something regarding his bowels. Yeah yeah here we go again. Adult diaper jokes are made and the Challenge is moved to next week due to having too much on the show I guess.

Statler and Waldorf make fun of Cole but the laugh isn’t quite right.

Miss Piggy is rubbing Morrison’s abs and Morrison isn’t sure what to make of this. She hits on him but Morrison says he has a friend for her. It’s Horny, who now has a Piggy tattoo on his ankle. He kisses her but gets karate chopped for his efforts. Kermit comes up and Horny is in love. Cody comes in and bags Kermit. SOMEBODY SHOOT THAT MAN!!!

So yeah, no Cole vs. Ross tonight despite it being pushed harder than anything most of the week.

John Cena vs. The Miz

Statler and Waldorf make fun of Miz a bit. This has easily been the weakest part of the Muppet part of the show. We go to a break before the bell….at 10:55. The bell rings after 11pm so this is going to be short. Totally basic match so far and we’re over five minutes into it. There’s just nothing to say because they’re flying through it for the sake of time. Miz hits some of his basic stuff until Cena fires back with a big running clothesline which gets two. Cena hits a superplex for two and we head to the floor. A guy in a Scream mask hits Cena and back in the ring….it means nothing as the STF ends this at 9:00.

Rating: C-. Hard to fault them here because they had to rush things and the match didn’t mean much at all. Cena is always good for a quick one though, even though this would have fit better at a house show more than on Raw. For a main event though, especially for a fun show like this, I can’t fault it much.

Post match the Scream guy comes in again and takes an AA. It’s Truth.

Overall Rating: B. Ok now that’s likely high because of the Muppet involvement but they’re my reviews so who cares? The Muppets fall squarely under the category of “if you don’t like this at least a tiny bit, you have no soul.” This was designed to be a fun show and that’s exactly what it was. Rock/Cena was officially set up, the traditional Survivor Series match was planned and that’s all that needed to happen. The Muppets were fun and that’s all there is to this show.

Results
Mark Henry b. CM Punk via DQ when Ricardo Rodriguez interfered
Eve Torres won a battle royal last eliminating Natalya
Wade Barrett/Cody Rhodes b. Air Boom – Wasteland to Bourne
Big Show b. Alberto Del Rio – WMD
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Dolph Ziggler – Rough Ryder
John Cena b. The Miz – STF

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