Jokers Wild III
Date: March 6, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Jeremy Borash

This is the old standard for TNA as this series has somehow reached a third year. Thanks a lot TNA for screwing up your pay per views so I have to sit through even more of these things. It’s another show with a series of qualifying matches for a big gauntlet match for money at the end. Maybe Matthews can save the commentary here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is the standard preview of the show that we’ve come to know and….I can’t imagine anyone looks forward to these things.

JB and Christy are drawing all of the names before each match. I won’t be mentioning any of these unless something of note happens. All matches are qualifying matches for the gauntlet match main event.

Robbie E./Jesse Godderz vs. Mr. Anderson/Al Snow

Hopefully this is the only required “random” pairing of a regular team. Anderson does Snow’s entrance: “WHAT IS EVERYONE INTERESTED IN??? WHAT DOES MR. ANDERSON REQUIRE???” Robbie pauses for a picture after the bell and says he wants Snow. The fans agree and we get Al vs. Robbie…..for five seconds until Robbie tags out. We’re still waiting on any significant contact until Snow slams Jesse a few times.

Off to Robbie who is terrified of Head. Snow takes him down into something like a Regal Stretch (arm trap STF) and pulls on his nipple. Anderson comes back in to crank on the arm (ignoring the nipple. So much for psychology) before it’s back to Snow, who gets caught in the double team. It’s already SO much easier here with the announcers focusing on the match instead of talking about anything else.

Snow takes Robbie over to the corner and Jesse, ever the schnook, grabs his partner’s arm by mistake and works it over. The non-Bros (sisters?) steal the selfie stick to show Jesse what he did and tensions are teased. Instead we get a double noggin knocker so Anderson and Snow can stand tall. Back in and Robbie interferes, allowing Jesse to nail a dropkick before E. comes in to stomp on the arm for two. The hot tag brings in Snow and everything breaks down. Anderson sneaks Head in to Snow so he can knock Jesse silly, only to get rolled up by Robbie for a surprise pin.

Rating: D+. This was a decent enough match but hokey smoke does the commentary make it easier to sit through. I used to dread these shows because of how horrible Tenay and Taz were but again, Josh Matthews is his average self and it’s more than a huge improvement. The BroMans winning makes sense here and the less I have to watch Mr. Anderson be his run of the mill standard, the better I am.

The BroMans say they’re winning the $100,000 and spending it in one night.

DJZ/Samuel Shaw vs. Rockstar Spud/Awesome Kong

This could be a trainwreck. Thankfully this was taped less than a month before it aired so a lot of this is up to date, but unfortunately some is also ahead of schedule. For instance, Spud is bald here, a week before the hair vs. hair match took place. TNA goes Back to the Future? Spud is very, very happy with his partner. Spud and DJZ get things going and I really want to see DJZ hit on Kong.

They start with a basic cruiserweight style sequence until Spud dances in front of Kong. She tags herself in and actually gets caught in a headlock from DJZ, only to pull him down by the mohawk. Shaw comes in with a creepy mustache but Spud tags himself in to say that Kong is a lady. He stops Shaw from slapping her in the face and hammers away with some Popeye wind-up punches.

Spud gets double teamed in the corner as, get this, the announcers TALK ABOUT UPCOMING SHOWS TO MAKE US WANT TO SEE THEM. Not football, not references 8% of the audience will get, and not inside jokes. They actually do their jobs for a change and it’s just a step beneath glory. Kong gets the hot tag and cleans house with a crotch claw to Samuel and a chokeslam to DJZ, setting up the Jimmy Snuka/Andre the Giant shoulders splash for the pin on DJZ.

Rating: D+. Again this was fine and a big shorter than the first match. It’s still not a good match or anything like that, but Spud is almost always a highlight of these things, even when he has nothing to work with like he did here. Is Shaw even with the company anymore? I don’t remember the last time he was on Impact and I can’t say I’m complaining. The guy is just one idea that has been played to death.

Spud is terrified of Kong so she kisses him. He seems to like it and faints.

Ethan Carter III says luck is power. Luck is having stroke. Luck is having your aunt own the company. Last year he won the competition and burned the money at Burning Man because he’s awesome like that.

Davey Richards/Eddie Edwards vs. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode

If this isn’t the longest tag match of the night, it’s a crying shame. Josh gets his facts wrong by saying Aries has the record for most X-Division Title reigns with six (Sabin had eight). Aries and Roode both try to go to the apron and then both start try to get in. I saw them team live once and they had the most entertaining match of the night.

We finally get down to Richards vs. Aries with Austin taking him down by the wrist. A series of tags leads to top rope elbows to the arm as the announcers talk about where the Wolves came up with their name. Apparently it has to do with teaming together in Wolverhampton, England. This leads to a quick discussion about JB being in that city before and it’s right back to talking about the match. Why does Taz have a job again?

The Wolves double team Aries in the corner and drop elbows on his back, only to have their double dive broken up by a double clothesline. We settle down to Roode dropping a knee on Richards for two. Aries slaps on the Last Chancery and the fans get behind the Wolves. That lasts all of three seconds before it’s back to Roode for a hard clothesline. Davey fights back out of the corner but the double teaming brings him back down.

The match gets a bit boring, so the announcers make predictions for the gauntlet. I love this new team. Aries and Roode keep tagging in and out for chops and punches in the corner. Davey finally comes back with the eternally stupid “make your opponent DDT his partner” spot and the hot tag brings in Eddie. Everything breaks down and Davey has to save his partner from a double suplex, setting up the German suplex into a jackknife cover for two on Roode.

Aries makes the save and sends Davey to the floor before hitting the running dropkick in the corner to Edwards. The Wolves headbutt out of stereo superplex attempts but miss stereo double stomps. The Roode Bomb and brainbuster are escaped as well, setting up stereo rollups for the pin. Eh I prefer monaural but this was good enough.

Rating: B. I think we can pencil this in for match of the night. Yeah it makes it very clear that the drawings are rigged, but this was so much easier to sit through than another comedy match with WACKY partners. There are better matches out there, but this is a classic by One Night Only standards. Good stuff.

Spud, with lipstick on his face, is with Kong and asks about room rates at Motel 6. Kong puts her arm around his shoulders. Spud: “Sup baby?” This cracked me up.

Ethan Carter III is chosen for the next match but has to say all the jokers here are in the audience. He has a pretty good feeling that he might be paired with Tyrus. “Christy, I’ll tumble for you if you tumble for me first.”

Ethan Carter III/Crazzy Steve vs. Tyrus/Knux

Well what are the odds of that? I’m getting a bit tired of thinking something like that over and over. Steve has a pair of Carter’s trunks on because he’s a painted up thief. He redeems himself a bit by doing Ethan’s pose. JB thinks Tyrus is going to lay down for his boss, which isn’t something an announcer just flat out suggests most of the time. Knux’s beard is now curled to either side like pigtails.

Steve and Tyrus get things going but Carter tags himself in to tell the big man to lay down. Tyrus won’t do it though as he could win $100,000….and it’s one finger to the chest for two as Knux makes the save. Steve comes back in to grab a rollup as this slow motion continues.

Knux picks Steve up and walks him around the ring, accidentally kicking Tyrus in the face. We get the Bushwhackers march until Steve rolls Knux up for two. It’s back to Tyrus (I don’t remember a tag in the last two minutes) who misses a splash in the corner, leaving Knux to punch Carter. A dropkick and cross body put Carter down but Tyrus nails Knux from behind to give Carter the pin.

Rating: D. I really don’t care for this kind of match and unfortunately this show feels like it was made by Vince Russo to get all these wacky finishes into three hours. It doesn’t help that they’re just throwing these matches out there and not even trying to hide that the draw is rigged. I’d love to see an actual random draw, just for the fun of it.

James Storm says tonight is a game of chances so even the Revolution aren’t friends and allies tonight.

Eric Young/Bram vs. Magnus/Tommy Dreamer

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I’ve sat through every show in this series and I get ERIC YOUNG AND TOMMY FREAKING DREAMER IN THE SAME MATCH??? My early guess: this match is going to suck. Magnus doesn’t even wait on his partner to get here (can you blame him?) and the fight is on in the aisle.

Now the double brawl is on in the aisle with Dreamer and Young going at it. It’s like my greatest nightmare come to life. Some people are scared of death. Some are scared of their loved ones getting hurt. I’m scared of Eric Young vs. Tommy Dreamer. Thankfully they switch off and start fighting in the ring for the opening bell with Magnus working on the arm…..and of course tagging out to increase the suck.

Bram comes in and gets caught in a spinebuster before Dreamer does a People’s Elbow. Seriously. If Tommy Dreamer is the People’s Champion, I’m defecting to the leeches and rodents. Eric breaks it up and Bram (in his violent pink trunks) hammers away on the floor before putting on a chinlock. Dreamer won’t let Young cover him so the heels tag behind the referee’s back to trade places. At least they were polite enough to make a tag.

Young hooks a chinlock as the announcers talk about what the earlier winners do before they head to the gauntlet. This might be stupid, but it’s better than most of the nonsense I usually have to hear. Dreamer finally hooks an atomic drop and the hot tag brings in Magnus to clean house. Suddenly the match is so much less aneurysm inducing. Young gets thrown to the floor and Dreamer puts on a rooster hat. Well of course he does. Idiot. A fat splash gets two on Bram but Young kicks Tommy low to set up Brighter Side of Suffering from Bram for the pin.

Rating: D. Even though Eric Young sucks and I wouldn’t mind seeing him sacrificed to a pagan crocodile god, he’s much more in his element here with a brawling style and a match that means nothing. I get far more annoyed with him when he’s in the main event and World Title pictures, so throwing him in something like this is more acceptable. Dreamer needs to be thrown into the center of the sun. Maybe his tears about ECW dying can cool things down.

The Wolves enjoy being challenged and Eddie thinks the win was a good sign. That’s some serious insight.

James Storm/Gunner vs. Kenny King/Chris Melendez

Can we get a second match with no screwy booking? It can’t be that hard. Storm and King get things going before it’s quickly off to Gunner, who doesn’t seem to care for Kenny’s antics. They trade leapfrogs until King drop toeholds him down, only to run to the floor from an angry Gunner.

Melendez comes in to face Gunner and they’re nice enough to shake hands. Chris wants Storm but James bails to the floor as the fans tell him he has Herpes. Gunner finally tags out by slapping James in the face. Storm easily takes Melendez down and puts on a Figure Four to really hammer in the evil. If nothing else it proves which leg that hold hurts.

That goes nowhere so Storm and King mock saluting each other, drawing in Gunner to clean house. James tags himself back in but gets cut by some Melendez clotheslines. A tornado DDT gets two on Storm and everything breaks down. Matthews calls King an (uncensored) SOB for a cheap shot to Melendez. Storm sidesteps a horrible spear from Gunner which hits Melendez, giving James the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much to see but for the love of all things good and holy come up with a new way of booking these things. You can almost guarantee that you’ll have a team who has been together before or a team that is currently feuding, but in this case they doubled up on the lame booking.

Young says he and Bram love having extra opportunities to hurt people. Why not go jump on a pile of chainsaws to hurt yourself then?

Tigre Uno/Manik vs. Sonjay Dutt/Gail Kim

Well that’s certainly different. Feeling out process to start with Sonjay and Tigre trading dropkicks but Manik tags himself in. Sonjay cranks on a wristlock until Manik does a way too complicated flipping escape. Gail comes in and slaps Manik in the mask, only to get shoved down. She avoids a springboard missile dropkick though and does a springboard wristdrag with a headscissors to Tigre as a bonus. Back up and Manik throws her down by the hair but Gail puts on something like AJ’s Black Widow.

Everything breaks down and Manik cleans house to a polite smattering of applause. Manik rolls some suplexes on Sonjay as Matthews talks about being a potential X-Division talent back in the day. I think I’ve heard that before and it’s not the most thrilling idea for the division. Sonjay fights out of a chinlock and sends Manik into the buckle as the announcers discuss Grado. I still don’t get it. Kim comes back in and takes Tigre down with a headscissors, followed by Eat Defeat to both guys. Sonjay adds a top rope splash for the pin on Uno.

Rating: D+. Total spot fest here with no flow, direction or anything unique other than Gail being involved. I like it better than just having your standard match and Kim is more than good enough to hang in there with some guys, but the match was just a bunch of spots by guys that don’t seems like they know how to structure a match.

Lashley/Khoya vs. Abyss/Great Sanada

Well that’s one way to push Lashley. This is the last qualifying match. Lashley and Sanada get things started by trading wristlocks until Lashley plants him with a slam. Khoya won’t tag in though so it’s Lashley vs. Abyss. That’s fine with Lashley as he runs Abyss over as well before hitting a nice suplex for no cover.

Khoya drops to the floor to avoid another tag so Lashley hits a delayed suplex for two on Sanada. Abyss comes back in as the announcers talk about Gail Kim’s love of shoes. We get some stable miscommunication as Abyss hits Khoya by mistake and start slugging it out with Khoya getting the better of it. Both guys grab the other by the throat but Storm tells Khoya to come outside and then go to the back.

So it’s a handicap match now with Abyss splashing Lashley in the corner, followed by Sanada choking with some tape. That doesn’t knock Lashley out because this is wrestling, so Bobby gets up and starts cleaning house with clotheslines. Abyss’ chokeslam is no sold and Lashley spears both guys down for the pin.

Rating: D+. That was different and a good way to get Lashley over, but it’s still not a good match for the most part. On the other hand, the Revolution SUCKS. There are far too many people in it and I have no idea what the point of the team even is at anymore. This was another lame match but that’s almost required at this point.

Gauntlet Match

Basically a Royal Rumble with two minute intervals. Awesome Kong in at #1 and Gail Kim in at #2 for another SHOCKING twist. Gail hammers away in the corner but Kong tosses her down with ease. Some right hands drop Gail again and Kong stands on her hair. Jesse Godderz is in at #3 and offers to let the girls keep fighting. Gail forearms him in the jaw and dropkicks him in the corner, only to be thrown over the top and out to the floor. That earns Godderz a right hand to the ribs but AMAZINGLY, Robbie E. is in at #4.

Kong fights them both off again and no sells Robbie’s chops. The BroMans stand on her hands but Kong goes beast mode to shove them off as Rockstar Spud is in at #5. He cleans house with dropkicks and checks on Kong, who splashes the BroMans in the corner. Spud has to hang on to avoid an elimination but gets thrown to the floor through the ropes. That’s perfect timing as Ethan Carter III is in at #6 and the fight is on in the aisle.

They get back in and Carter sidesteps a charging Spud, sending him into Kong instead. The distraught Spud is eliminated and it’s the BroMans, Carter and Kong. All three guys team up to fail at eliminating her so here’s Gunner at #7. The BroMans double team him down as Kong misses a charge and gets low bridged to the floor for an elimination. Eddie Edwards is in at #8 but the heels triple team him as well. There’s nothing to talk about in this match and Davey Richards is in at #9.

The Wolves start cleaning house with their wide variety of kicks. Carter gets splashed by all three good guys and gets thrown over, only to land on the steps for a save. James Storm is in at #10 to give us Storm, Gunner, Richards, Edwards, Robbie E., Godderz and Carter. Storm is fine with waiting at ringside as Carter begs him for help. That story lasts all of ten seconds before Storm gets in and adds to the incredible levels of dullness in this match.

Sonjay Dutt is in at #11 and is quickly Last Called and dumped. That’s probably good as he might have sped things up and gotten them interesting. Gunner gets a Last Call for an elimination as well. Crazzy Steve, still in Carter’s trunks, is in at #12 and tries to dump Carter until Storm makes the save. Eddie pulls Storm’s shirt over his face and chops away as Khoya is in at #13. We’ve got Khoya, Storm, Richards, Edwards, Carter, Steve, Robbie E. and Godderz at the moment.

Steve bites Carters fingers to send him to the steps again but Carter has some Kofi in him and makes a save. Bram is in at #14 and takes his time to stay away from the ring. That goes nowhere so Lashley is in at #15 to eliminate both BroMans and Khoya in short order. Storm chokes Lashley in the corner to slow him down and Eric Young is in at #16. No wonder this match sucks. Eric Young is the grand finale. The final group is Young, Steve, Lashley, Carter, Storm, Edwards, Richards and Bram.

Young piledrives Steve for an easy elimination and the Wolves clothesline Bram to the floor. The Wolves get rid of Storm as well but Young and Gunner dump both of them, leaving us with Lashley, Carter and Young. Bobby clotheslines both of them at once but Carter saves his makeshift partner. A double suplex makes Lashley look strong again but they send him to the apron for more stomping. That goes badly as well as Lashley low bridges Young out, leaving him with Carter. The 1%er is easily countered and Lashley nails a spear for the elimination, FINALLY ending this.

Rating: D-. The wrestlers clearly didn’t want to be in there and much like everything else tonight, it went so fast that they didn’t have time to develop anything. This match felt like it went on forever and you knew Lashley was winning (ok maybe Carter could have won it again) pretty much the second his music hit. It’s more boring than bad but that’s not really a big improvement.

Lashley gets the check and a three and a half minute highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: D. I had some slightly elevated hopes for the new commentary team, but they couldn’t save this. They’re light years better than Taz and Tenay and made the show a lot easier to sit through, but it doesn’t make what you’re watching really dull. This was two hours of goofy booking instead of just throwing out random pairings and making it a bit more interesting before a REALLY boring main event. It’s a one idea show and that idea is done in about the first half hour. The lack of effort really shows in these things and they lose their charm way too fast, including on this one.

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Rivals
Date: February 6, 2015
Location: Royal Palace Theater, Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina
Attendance: 400
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

For the love of all things good and holy don’t tell me that these shows are going to become even more frequent now. These things continue to be some of the least interesting shows produced, but the worst part is they’re just kind of there. Some of the matches are watchable, but they’re clearly just there to fill in requirements based on the lack of effort in setting up the shows. Let’s get to it.

I think the theme here is obvious.

Standard music video opening showing us some of the stuff we’ll be seeing tonight.

JB is walking down the ramp towards the ring to fire up the crowd. If there’s a more under appreciated guy in TNA, I don’t know who it is.

We recap Gail Kim vs. Taryn Terrell, which is built up over some of their legitimately great showdowns on PPV over the years.

The lights are very low again to make sure you can’t see how small the crowd is.

Taryn Terrell vs. Gail Kim

Both seem to be faces here. Tenay suggests that they focus on the rivalries instead of anything else, which I give about five minutes. Taryn takes her down with a hammerlock but gets caught in a headlock for a counter. The announcers are already onto medical info they’ve found online which has nothing to do with anything going on at the moment. They actually got to about two minutes of staying focused before flying off the cliff.

Taryn gets two off a running flip neckbreaker and the same off a snap suplex. A high cross body misses though as Taz calls Terrell one hot possum. Gail gets in some kicks to the ribs and Taryn is bleeding from the mouth. Off to the knee as Tenay mentions being in dental school at one point. A Brock Lock has Terrell in trouble as the commentary goes from phones to Rollie Fingers (baseball player).

Taryn finally kicks Gail out to the floor and throws her off the stage into the dozens of people in the crowd. She hits a cross body to take Gail down again but bangs up the knee even worse. Taz thinks they’re in Roanoke, Virginia as Taryn gets two off a middle rope clothesline. Off to a dragon sleeper, drawing out a bunch of Japanese wrestling references. Yeah I talk about the commentary on these shows a lot, but there isn’t much to talk about with the wrestling or stories so what else am I supposed to cover?

Gail wraps the bad knee around the post for a four count from the referee but she walks into an RKO for two with the knee slowing up the cover. Kim rolls through a high cross body for two and blocks another RKO, setting up Eat Defeat for a close two. Taryn avoids a missile dropkick and another RKO is good for the pin at 12:33. Taz: “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” It’s not the biggest upset in the world. Taz on the blood in Taryn’s mouth: “Go see Isaac Yankem.”

Rating: B-. These two always have good matches together and this was one of the better matches I’ve seen on this series. The knee work could have played into the finish more but at least it played a factor at all. At least Taryn won, but unfortunately it led to even more of Taz’s annoying commentary. That’s the running problem with most of these shows as they go from boring to insufferable almost every time.

We recap Gunner pinning Mr. Anderson to win a future World Title shot last year with an unintentional assist from James Storm. That led to a really lame feud which gets to continue here tonight.

Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm

Taz: “Everybody likes bullropes!” In a funny bit, there’s no mic to drop from the ceiling so JB sneaks up behind Anderson and puts a mic in his hand. “If it works it works right?” We’re finally ready to go after some cowboy stalling. By ready to go I mean ready to circle each other for a good bit until Anderson runs him over with a shoulder. Storm comes back with some right hands and chokes on the ropes, only to be sent out to the floor for more stalling.

Now James starts going after the leg because why not do the exact same thing that was done in the previous match? A chop block has Anderson in even more trouble and it’s time to talk about football. Storm mixes it up with an armbar but goes right back to the leg. Now they talk about Ed Sabol, who passed away the week after this show first aired. What it has to do with this match is beyond me but Anderson starts fighting back with right hands to FINALLY bring the commentary back to the match.

Storm misses a charge in the corner and gets caught in the rolling fireman’s carry for two. Cue Sanada for a distraction so Storm get hit a middle rope DDT (cool move actually) for two. Sanada gets a bit more direct by kicking Anderson in the head, setting up the Lat Call for the pin at 8:27.

Rating: D+. I know he’s trying but Anderson’s matches just don’t do it for me. They can be decent if he has the time to get them there, but a basic match like this has never been his strong game. I’ll try to hold back on the commentary rants, but they were worse here than I’ve heard them in a long time. I mean they might have talked about the match for maybe three minutes of about eight and a half. That’s pitiful.

Eric Young says he and Abyss used to be best friends and now they’re going to have a Monster’s Ball match. Well of course they are. Abyss brought out the monster in Young and it brought him the World Title, so tonight Abyss is getting his best.

Kenny King vs. DJZ vs. Great Sanada vs. Samoa Joe

Elimination rules. All three try to jump Joe on the floor to start but he turns around to only see DJZ. Joe eventually kicks DJZ down before staying on the floor with him, leaving Sanada and King to fight inside. King scores with a dropkick as Joe can be seen destroying DJZ. They switch spots but King stops Joe from nailing DJZ, earning him a right hand of his own.

Kenny loads up a suicide dive but runs into King’s boot. Sanada goes after Joe for what could be an interesting match as Taz still can’t remember where they are. Oh yeah we’ve got a running gag. Back in and a triple boot puts Joe down and DJZ adds a Lionsault. A springboard spinning legdrop gets two for King and three straight elbows in the corner have Joe reeling.

The commentary kind of stays on the match by comparing Joe to Andre the Giant in battle royals, bringing them to a discussion of Haystacks Calhoun. Joe starts fighting back and catches DJZ in a Muscle Buster for an elimination. Another double team doesn’t work that well as Joe punches both guys away but walks into a springboard Blockbuster from King for two.

Sanada goes after King but gets caught in the Clutch to get us down to Joe vs. King. King immediately goes up for the missile dropkick but Joe just walks away. I still love that spot. The release Rock Bottom out of the corner looks to set up the Muscle Buster but Sanada mists Joe (with the referee CLEARLY LOOKING AT IT) to give King the pin.

Rating: C. Eh not terrible and I liked the idea of throwing the win to King instead of just having Joe run through everyone in his sight. That being said, HOW DID THE REFEREE NOT DQ KING FOR THE MIST??? Even Taz, the barren wasteland of intelligence on commentary, saw what happened and wanted to know how the referee couldn’t call anything. Stuff like that drives me crazy, especially after a quick enough and decent match.

Roode says he and MVP have hated each other since MVP sat foot in this company because they both want the World Title. Tonight MVP learns why it pays to be Roode.

Recap of Bram vs. Abyss in their hardcore series.

Bram vs. Gunner

When were these two rivals? From what I can find they only had a single match at No Surrender last year which was more about Samuel Shaw and Gunner. Bram bails from Gunner to start before running into a shoulder block for two. A headlock of all things slows Gunner down as the announcers talk about where they’re going for a post show party.

Tenay even brings up the Aces and 8’s but Taz laughs it off. Bram sends him into the buckle for the expected results as they’re still on this after party while throwing in a discussion of Bobo the cameraman. They head outside for a bit with Bram pulling him into the post to take over for the first time.

We hit the chinlock on Gunner until he fights up and rams Bram into the corner as the talk is back to football. They slug it out from their knees until Bram has to escape an F5 attempt. A Rock Bottom works a bit better for Gunner and the fans chant USA. Gunner gets crotched on the top rope but tries a sunset bomb, only to have Bram sit on top of him for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: D+. This would have been so much better if they had let them brawl. Gunner can get in a fight when he needs to and this would have been the perfect option. However, why let a new hardcore guy like Bram showcase himself when you can have Abyss do it again after all those years of doing the exact same thing?

We look back at EC3 injuring Angle’s knee and still being undefeated.

Here are Carter and Spud to say Ethan can’t face his rivals because he’s beaten them all. He goes over the list of everyone he’s beaten and sent away, meaning he’s the greatest wrestler in the world. This brings out Austin Aries, who doesn’t like the sound of that moniker. Carter can’t call himself that until he faces Austin Aries in this ring because he brings greatness out of people. “Let’s start a rivalry right now.”

Ethan Carter III vs. Austin Aries

Aries goes right for the brainbuster but settles for an armdrag and the Last Chancery. Carter bails to the floor and takes a big dive as it’s all Aries early on. He makes the mistake of chasing Spud though and gets caught by a big clothesline to give Carter his first offense. Back in and my goodness the crowd being blacked out is distracting. It’s like they’re wrestling in an elementary school gym with a big black curtain behind the three rows of fans.

Aries is rammed face first into the mat for two and we hit the chinlock. Spud gets in a few cheap shots when Aries is sent to the floor again but Carter follows him out and eats some chops to the chest. Now we’re talking about wrestlers’ real names and football careers. Back in for all of ten seconds before Carter dumps him again. Spud has to adjust the ring skirt so you can’t see the wood underneath the ring.

We hit another chinlock on Austin before he avoids being sent all the way to the floor. Carter gets sent into alternating buckles about ten times in a row but is able to come back with a powerbomb for two. The 1%er is countered but Aries can’t hit the running corner dropkick. Instead he snaps Carter’s neck across the rope and hits the missile dropkick. The brainbuster is loaded up but Spud pulls the foot and plays Bobby Heenan at Wrestlemania V to give Carter the pin at 8:30.

Rating: D. WAY too much stalling in this one as they had to go outside or to the chinlock almost every other minute. I don’t think anyone thought Carter was going to lose here but that doesn’t mean they can’t give the fans something to get excited about anyway. Spud and Carter were such a great pairing and they’re still entertaining now that they’re feuding.

Spud takes a brainbuster post match.

Abyss says Eric Young is his rival. Joseph Park brought out the best in him and then Young won the World Title. Tonight is just a regular match so Abyss can’t hurt him too bad, but it’s still going to hurt.

Video on Abyss embracing his dark side. The Joseph Park stuff feels like an eternity ago.

Eric Young vs. Abyss

Before the match Abyss grabs the mic and just make it a Monster’s Ball match already. Abyss says it’s been a long time and this show is about rivals. He can’t help but think about the time when they were friends. Eric and Joseph Park brought out the best in each other and Young wound up winning the World Title. However, Abyss is Young’s fault and Eric is lucky that this isn’t a hardcore match. Young is tired of being blamed for Abyss’ mess, so let’s get nuts and make this Monster’s Ball. I’m stunned.

Young fires off right hands to start and scores with his spinning forearm to the head. Abyss gets tired of getting punched in the face and throws Eric to the floor before getting some toys. Back to the football stuff with Taz acknowledging that they’re talking about it a lot tonight. Young finds a hockey stick and throws more weapons into the ring but runs into an elbow to the jaw.

It’s already table time as Taz finally remembers the Oakland Raiders line about cheating being encouraged. The table is set at ringside for later as Young is sent hard into the corner. Abyss cracks him in the head with a trashcan lid for a loud smack but the follow up trashcan shot doesn’t sound as good. The fans want tacks but get a chair to Young’s ribs instead. We hit the neck crank for a bit before Abyss crotches himself on a chair. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled by what they’re seeing here. Tenay asks if there’s such a thing as Yambag Scrabble to make my headache even worse.

Young scores with a missile dropkick for two and starts swinging the kendo stick. Somehow this turns into a discussion of Paul Bunyan chopping down trees with jujitsu. Taz: “With the edge of his hand!” Abyss throws Young through the table at ringside but only gets two back inside. It’s Janice time but Young crotches him with a cheese grater. The top rope elbow is good for the pin at 10:54.

Rating: C-. Another “well, that happened” match as we’ve seen these two have weapons matches so many times that it’s really hard to get excited about it again. The fact that this was just a by the numbers Monster’s Ball match doesn’t help either, but that’s the case for almost every special match in this series.

Long recap of Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love, dating back to the original Beautiful People days. If nothing else we get to look at Lacey Von Erich again.

Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love

Madison cranks on the arm to start and mocks Angelina’s entrance, earning her a forearm to the head. Back in and a quick rollup gets two for Madison, followed by the scissors stomp. Angelina doesn’t appreciate that and takes it outside to send Rayne into the barricade. A big forearm gets another two for Angelina as this is really dull so far. She follows up with a basement dropkick and a second dropkick to send Madison back to the floor.

Back in and Tenay and Taz babble on about whatever their latest stupid topic is. Madison makes her comeback with a forearm and an enziguri, followed by a northern lights suplex for two. The Rayne Drop is countered into Lights Out (downward spiral) for a near fall. Another Rayne Drop is countered and Love grabs a rollup with a handful of trunks for the pin at 7:59.

Rating: F+. The only good thing here is how well they look in their outfits. Other than that, this was one of the least interesting matches I’ve seen in recent memory. It was clear that neither of them was interested in doing anything outside of just the basics and that’s not a good thing after a show this dull so far.

MVP says Bobby Roode is rewriting history because he wasn’t scared to fight Bobby for the title. The rivalry is because MVP is one of the best of all time and Roode just thinks he is. If Roode wants to test himself against the best then MVP is fine with beating the heck out of him tonight.

We recap Lashley beating Eric Young to win the World Title and hurting his arm until Bobby Roode made the save. This led to MVP being fired as the boss and Kurt Angle taking the job.

And now, just so they don’t have to do even more new stuff, here’s Roode vs. Lashley for the World Title from Impact on October 24, 2014.

TNA World Title: Lashley vs. Bobby Roode

They have a ton of time for this, Lashley is defending and Kurt Angle is guest referee. MVP and King are nowhere in sight. Lashley powers Bobby into the corner to start and easily takes him down with an amateur move. A hard shoulder to the ribs has Roode in even more trouble but Bobby comes back with a clothesline and tells Lashley to bring it on. The champ is all fired up but his clothesline is countered into the Crossface, sending Lashley out to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Lashley holding a reverse wasitlock until Bobby fights up with forearms. A quick Blockbuster gets two but Roode charges into a spinning spinebuster. Lashley ducks another shot but clotheslines Angle (first time he’s meant anything in the match) by mistake. The Roode Bomb is countered and Lashley nails the spear with no one to count the pin. Another spear hits Angle to knock him to the floor, allowing Roode to enziguri Lashley to the floor.

Bobby follows and avoids a spear, sending a ring attendant flying. A Roode Bomb on the ramp puts both guys down but there’s still no Angle to count anything. Instead Brian Hebner comes in to count the near fall and Bobby is frustrated. Lashley hits Roode low and gets the belt but Hebner says no.

That earns him a knockout clothesline, allowing Lashley to hit Roode with the belt. Angle comes in to count two and is finally back to his feet. The Roode Bomb is countered and Lashley snaps Bobby’s throat across the top rope. Another attempt is countered into a sunset flip attempt but Roode falls on top for the pin and the title at 17:49.

Rating: B. The match got going near the middle but I really don’t see why Angle needed to be out there. Any regular referee could have played his role to the same degree but maybe they’re setting up Lashley vs. Angle down the line? The important part though is Roode being made into a bigger deal than he was before, but now he needs to have a very solid title reign to make it even better. TNA is really needing a top face and if Roode is that guy then so be it.

Bobby Roode vs. MVP

The announcers of course discuss sushi. Roode charges the ring and hammers away before sending MVP into the buckle. Another clothesline sends MVP bailing to the floor but he comes back with a kick to the face. Roode gets punched on the floor as we hear about Masahiro Chono influencing MVP’s offense. Back in and MVP misses a running boot in the corner but Kenny King comes in for the DQ at 2:28.

Eric Young runs out for the save and let’s have a tag match, because WE NEED MORE ERIC YOUNG!

Eric Young/Bobby Roode vs. MVP/Kenny King

Young and King get started with Kenny slugging him down in the corner. Eric comes back with a wristlock and makes the tag to Roode for a double hiptoss. Off to MVP for some shots to Bobby’s ribs and forearms to the head. For some reason this warrants a talk about the original Sheik as Roode scores with a suplex for two. Bobby follows it up by falling out to the floor and getting stomped by King. MVP covers with one finger for two because he’s a cocky heel that knows how to annoy a crowd.

We hit the chinlock on Roode and somehow find more football stuff to talk about. Roode fights up with a sunset flip and the referee has to slow down because MVP misses his save. A good looking spin kick to the head drops Roode and MVP cancels the Ballin Elbow and just covers for two. Back up and the spinebuster plants King and it’s the hot tag to Roode. Eric cleans house and the fans just do not care for the most part. A belly to belly gets two on King but Kenny comes back with a kind of reverse AA to plant Eric. MVP is “injured” but of course is playing possum, setting up the Black Out kick for the pin on Eric at 8:03.

Rating: C-. Who in the world thought we needed to see Eric Young twice in one night? Thankfully it was Roode in there most of the time to keep things from getting horrible, but this really wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world. I like that they mixed it up a bit as you can only see so many singles matches in a row, but this really didn’t do it for me. Then again that might be all about Eric Young.

Magnus talks about beating Jeff Hardy to win the World Title for the first time at Final Resolution to win the World Title. Who thought that Jeff Hardy could lose a ladder match? Edge and Christian perhaps? Tonight he gets to face Hardy one more time and he’ll enjoy getting to see the teenage girls weeping. It’s the same story it always is between these two.

We recap the tournament for the World Title with Magnus eventually beating Jeff in a Dixieland match for the title.

Jeff Hardy vs. Magnus

Jeff goes into the crowd with his home state fans before the match. We even get big match intros to kill even more time. Magnus shoves him down to start and tells the painted one to bring it. Hardy’s arm work doesn’t get him anywhere so Magnus stomps him down in the corner. A clothesline sends Magnus to the floor and Jeff follows him out with a nice dive. Back in and the mule kick gets two and Jeff calls for the creatures. A slingshot is countered with a European uppercut and Hardy falls back out to the floor.

Back in and Magnus gets too cocky and earns a right hand to the face. They head right back outside with Hardy getting rammed into the barricade and ripping down the ring skirt in the process. The announcers debate bad commentators named Mike over the years as Magnus powerbombs Jeff down. Time for some chinlockery until Jeff jawbreaks his way to freedom. He can’t follow up though and gets caught in an abdominal stretch.

Jeff ducks another clothesline and starts his comeback with the legdrop between the legs. There’s the Whisper in the Wind for two followed by the Twisting Stunner. The Twist of Fate gets two but Magnus counters into something like the ProtoBomb for two of his own. Magnus tries a Twist of Fate of his own but Hardy grabs the real thing again, setting up the Swanton for the pin at 9:49.

Rating: C. That was indeed a wrestling match. I really don’t know what else I’m supposed to say here. You had a face vs. a heel and the face won with his finishing combination. Magnus isn’t bad but he really needs a character of some sort, which he seems to be getting with Bram. Hardy winning was obvious here and it capped off a thoroughly dull show.

Overall Rating: D-. These shows are really just boring house shows with HORRIBLE commentary. That doesn’t make me want to stick around as these things are becoming more of a chore to sit through every month. When they can’t even keep the concept going (“LET’S START A RIVALRY RIGHT HERE!”) for three hours without using a TV match that has aired on almost every special they air, it’s time for them to retool these things or stop advertising them before they become even more of an embarrassment.

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Turning Point
Date: January 9, 2015
Location: John Paul Jones Arena, Charlottesville, Virginia
Attendance: 430
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Believe it or not they’re actually changing things up here with a series of matches instead of some tournament or series of qualifying matches for a gauntlet at the end of the show. There doesn’t seem to be an overarching theme for the show but they’ve come up with some random ideas before. Let’s get to it.

We open with shots of the people appearing on tonight’s show without a voiceover. I can’t imagine all these people will be on the card.

We immediately go to a clip of X-Division Champion Rob Van Dam defending against Kenny King from Impact on February 23, 2013 with Van Dam missing a 450 splash and King hitting the Royal Flush for the pin and the title. This explains the theme: we’re going to see clips of the turning points of everyone’s career.

Samoa Joe’s career turning point is beating Kurt Angle for the World Title at Lockdown 2008. These clips are two to three minutes each and seem to be used to fill in time.

Kenny King vs. Samoa Joe

The arena looks incredibly small, even though the record attendance is over 15,000 people. As a result, the lights are turned way down and only the first few rows can be seen. Joe grabs a wristlock to start but King bails to the ropes and then the floor. Back in and King quickly takes Joe down with some nice spins and flips before heading outside to brag about it. Even Joe gives him a nod to say “well done”. Joe sends him into the corner for the enziguri and running knee drop for two.

Tenay and Taz are already on their tangents as King hits a great looking springboard Blockbuster for two. We hit the chinlock as Tenay is actually trying to get the commentary back to something pertinent but Taz uses the opportunity to brag about himself. A spinwheel kick gets two more for Kenny and we hit the son of the chinlock. Joe fights up and catches King in an atomic drop. The backsplash and snap powerslam get two each. A nice Pele puts Joe down but King charges into the release Rock Bottom out of the corner, setting up the Muscle Buster for the pin at 7:50.

Rating: C-. I have a very bad feeling about this show as they were only going through the motions out there. There are two versions of Samoa Joe: the guy that took TNA by storm about ten years ago and the version where he has no interest in being out there. There’s almost no in between the two either, so you’re either getting the good or the bad. This was more of the latter as Joe was just doing his greatest hits instead of really trying. King was his usual self as well, meaning the match was passable but nothing I’d ever want to see again. In other words, this is going to be your run of the mill One Night Only shows.

Music video on the Beautiful People, Gail Kim and Madison Rayne. I guess this is the substitute for their turning points, though it seems to be more of a standard hype video.

Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne

The fans are behind Gail here but Angelina insists she get to do her dance before things get started. That earns her a forearm to the jaw as the announcers make fun of Earl Hebner’s age. Love gets knocked to the floor and Rayne rolls Kim up for two. Kim escapes the scissor stomp (Rayne’s move where she slams someone’s face into the mat) and knocks Angelina to the floor.

Back up and Kim hits the running cross body to the ribs in the corner but Angelina pulls her down to the floor. It settles down to Madison vs. Angelina as the match gets back to your standard Impact Knockouts match. Love pulls on Madison’s hair while putting a boot in her back, only to get rolled up by Gail for two. A hot shot onto the buckle puts Kim down again as this match is in the “two in one out” formula. Love puts her in the Tree of Woe to give us a Kevin Sullivan reference.

Madison finally remembers that she’s in the match by tripping Kim but gets in a fight with Love over who gets the pin. Now the announcers talk about the Jumping Bomb Angels to keep up the joke that Hebner is old. Kim puts Madison in a headscissors but Love puts Kim in a full nelson but with her legs. Taz: “It’s like one giant, hot worm.” Tenay drops the required Scotty 2 Hotty joke. The hold is broken up and Kim dropkicks both girls down at the same time for two each. Angelina’s Botox Injection takes Madison down but Eat Defeat gives Kim the pin at 8:56.

Rating: C. Oh yeah this is a One Night Only show. This was another watchable yet uninspired match with the standard triple threat formula in full swing. These three plus Velvet have been around the division for so long that it’s hard to care about seeing them again. We’ve seen each combination so many times that just throwing most of them together doesn’t do much for me. The match was fine but again, nothing I’ll think about ten minutes from now.

Austin Aries says he’s had a lot of turning points in his career, starting with a phone call asking him to come down for a tryout. Then he became the longest reigning X-Division Champion and cashed it in with Option C. Sanada’s turning point was when he turned his back on Great Muta. Sanada’s turning point tonight will be his last.

Video recapping Muta mentoring Sanada until James Storm got in Sandad’s head and turned him to the dark side.

Austin Aries vs. Great Sanada

This is the third time these two have fought on One Night Only shows. Storm is at ringside with Sanada. Tenay and Taz build this up as a huge rivalry and for once they’re actually on point. Sanada hammers him down in the corner to start but Aries is perfectly capable of brawling with him. Aries runs Sanada over with a shoulder but Storm trips him up to stop the momentum. That’s enough for an early ejection and we’re getting a one on one match.

It’s still Aries in control with the slingshot hilo and an elbow drop for two. A middle rope dropkick to the back of Sanada’s head gets two more and one to the face sends Sanada to the floor. He’s shaken up but not bad enough to avoid a plancha to send Aries crashing to the concrete. The announcers actually get into an interesting discussion of the difference between American and Japanese training. Discussions like that make their usual commentary so much more frustrating because it’s clear they can be interesting but just don’t do it. Sanada chokes away back in the ring and throws Aries back to the floor to keep control.

Aries comes up holding his arm so Sanada sends him into the steps a few times. Back in again and a springboard chop to the head gets a few two counts for Sanada as he’s starting to get frustrated like any heel would in his situation. Sanada gets caught choking with wrist tape so he throws Aries outside again.

A Saito suplex gets two on Austin and it’s off to the chinlock. You know, I wonder why so many people use chinlocks over the years. Wouldn’t you think they would pick up on the idea that they ALWAYS lead to a comeback? I mean, it’s one of the few universal truths in wrestling but they always do it and seem surprised when it doesn’t work. Almost on schedule, Aries pops up but Sanada puts him back down with a slam.

The moonsault is broken up as Aries takes the legs out to send him face first into the buckle. Now it’s Aries sending Sanada to the floor but he bites Aries’ finger to slow him down. That’s quite the intelligent counter. Sanada comes back in with a springboard but Aries mistimes the dropkick to knock him out of the air, meaning Sanada has to bail out for no reason and the whole thing looked bad.

Aries neckbreakers him over the middle rope and dropkicks him into the corner. Sanada escapes the brainbuster but gets taken down by a nice plancha. Back in and Aries goes up, only to have Storm come down and shove Aries off the top. As usual the announcers ruin the moment by making it sound like the least interesting thing they’ve seen in months. Sanada superkicks Aries for the pin at 15:35.

Rating: B. Hit and miss commentary aside, this was one of the best matches this series has ever had. These guys know how to work together so well and they were showing off out here. I was hoping for a clean finish but this version plays into the Revolution idea, which is the more logical ending. Really good match, as I’ve grown to expect from these two.

We look at Ethan Carter III beating Sting at Genesis 2014, with a major assist from referees Spud and Magnus.

Ethan brags about beating all the legends, such as Norv Fernum, Shark Boy and Dewey Barnes. Oh and Bully Ray, Sting and Kurt Angle. He’s been part of a loss, but it was Spud getting pinned in a tag match. Ethan blames Spud for his aunt going through a table, but tonight is Spud’s chance at redemption.

Rockstar Spud/Ethan Carter III vs. Gunner/Mr. Anderson

The curse of taped in advance strikes again. Anderson shrieks his intro this time to scare the announcers, triggering a Motley Crue discussion. Carter and Anderson get things going but Spud tags himself in before any contact. With Anderson closing in, Spud tags out to Carter. Spud: “I got in his head sir!”

We finally settle down to Anderson and Carter trading wristlocks until Anderson armdrags him down into an armbar. Gunner tags himself in but gets pulled down by the hair. It’s off to a terrified Spud but he tags right back out to Carter. As the announcers talk about reforming the Rockers because they think their job is to riff on wrestling matches, Gunner misses a charge at Carter in the corner, allowing for the tag to Spud for a bunch of lame forearms to the back.

Gunner no sells being rammed into the buckle so Spud tries it himself, knocking himself silly in the process. Spud chops his partner by mistake, but that counts as a tag. The boss isn’t happy and chops Spud down, only to get caught in a double hiptoss. Everything breaks down for a minute with both villains ramming Anderson into the apron.

Back in and Carter puts on a chinlock for a few moments before Anderson kicks away and tags Gunner. He throws Spud at Carter but it turns into a big hug. What else were you expecting? Everything breaks down again with Spud accidentally knocking Carter to the floor, setting up a Mic Check and flying headbutt for the pin at 11:26.

Rating: D. The Spud comedy match is getting played out and it’s gone downhill ever since the first match with Ray. Spud and Carter work well together, but it’s kind of hard to laugh at them after seeing them feuding so heavily over the last few months. The wrestling was an afterthought to the comedy, but it was really just dull outside of a few funny lines from Spud.

Video on Eric Young overcoming people saying he was just a comedy guy and becoming World Champion. He tells a very good story about how surreal it was when the title was presented to him and the adrenaline that flowed through him when reality set in.

As soon as the three count went down, Magnus was immediately thinking about how he could get the title back. He has to get back on the horse.

Magnus vs. Eric Young

Young is back to being goofy and checks the referee for weapons. There’s no opening bell for this match. After a forty second long crisscross, Young holds onto the ropes and Magnus keeps running. Oh yeah we’re in a comedy match. Young takes him down into a headlock and is so pleased with it that he does it two more times in a row. Magnus tries a waistlock but gets sent to the floor in frustration. He counters Eric’s baseball slide by catching him under the ring skirt and hammers away to take over.

Back in and a knee to Eric’s ribs sets up the chinlock. An elbow to the back has Young in trouble but he’s able to strut down the apron. Magnus, apparently not a Flair fan, puts on the sleeper before switching it up to a chinlock. A belly to back suplex finally gets Young out of the hold and a belly to belly gets two on Magnus. They trade rollups for two each before Magnus puts him on top, only to have his superplex broken up. Young drops the top rope elbow for two but Eric’s piledriver is good for the pin at 11:31.

Rating: D-. We went from lame comedy to a long series of chinlocks before getting to the finish where a guy that gets on my nerves wins. This was the weakest match they’ve had all night but it was more due to how it felt like they weren’t trying. Unfortunately that’s the case with most of the matches on these shows and it gets tiring in a hurry.

We look at the history between Bram and Abyss, focusing on all of their violent matches, primarily Monster’s Ball.

Abyss vs. Bram

Bram grabs the mic and says Abyss is lucky this is a normal match. Abyss says he’s the 6’8 350lb weapon of mass destruction and wants to make this Monster’s Ball, which is reluctantly accepted. The bell rings and we’re already bringing in the weapons. They slug it out on the floor with Bram slowly sending him into the post. Abyss reverses a whip to send Bram much harder into the steps. More weapons are brought in as this is strictly following Monster’s Ball procedure.

Abyss knocks a chair out of Bram’s hands and nails him in the ribs with a kendo stick. Bram cracks him over the head with a trashcan and it’s table time. I’m so glad all these weapons were under the ring just in case a Monster’s Ball match was signed on the fly. The table is set up in the corner but Abyss would rather hit Bram with a chair than send him through the wood. Bram blocks a running Earthquake splash by raising a chair and both guys are down.

The monster gets busted open by a few chain shots but he low blows Bram to knock the pry bar out of his hand. Of course, this warrants a discussion of basketball. Janice is brought in but Bram hits the worst looking spear into a table I’ve ever seen. The table gives a bit but doesn’t break and Abyss is up at two. Back up and Abyss sends him head first into a chair in the corner but a chokeslam sends Bram out to the floor. Back in and Abyss loads up a Janice shot but gets rolled up with Bram grabbing the ropes for the pin at 10:57.

Rating: D+. This was every Monster’s Ball match you’ve seen in the last few years but toned down a bit. Much like the Knockouts match earlier, I’ve seen these two fight time after time in hardcore match after hardcore match and I really don’t need to see it again. Nothing to see here and it’s another match of the same length keeping the show at the same dull pace.

We recap Roode vs. Storm, which you should know by now. They were friends, the World Title split them up, they’ve feuded over and over and over again since.

Storm says he doesn’t care what the fans think while Roode dies on every word they say. I don’t think they’ve ever had Storm as the heel in this feud.

Bobby Roode vs. James Storm

Before the match, Storm has a mic in his hand. Tenay: “Something tells me we’re going to hear from James Storm.” James doesn’t want to fight because Roode can see the light and be part of the Revolution. Storm won’t die for a brotherhood, but he’ll live for a revolution. This doesn’t sit well with Roode, who says Storm isn’t the same man that he knew back in the Beer Money days. The answer is no so Storm decks him with the microphone and we’re off to a fast start. Also, the referee is fine with Storm hitting Roode with a foreign object before the bell.

Roode fights back and clotheslines Storm to the floor before hitting another on the outside. There’s a drink to Storm’s head and a knee drop gets two back inside. Storm tries to play some mind games and the distraction lets him send Roode right back to the floor. That goes nowhere so we hit the chinlock as the match slows down again. A low DDT gets two more for Storm but Roode sends him into the buckle to get a breather.

The Blockbuster only gets two and Roode escapes the Eye of the Storm for good measure. Storm kicks out of a spinebuster and dives off the middle rope for a Codebreaker. Instead of covering off a good looking move, he misses the Last Call and has to get out of the Roode Bomb. Now the Eye of the Storm connects for two but the referee takes the bottle away. Storm misses another Last Call and the Roode Bomb is good for the pin at 11:45.

Rating: C. I know this is one of the biggest feuds in the history of TNA but COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW! How many times do I have to sit through the same missed finishers and a beer bottle playing into the finish? It was one match over three years ago and they’ve used that exact same idea time after time now with the same two guys and almost always the same ending. Either stop having them fight or come up with a new formula. And can Storm win one for a change? Other than Bound For Glory, I don’t ever remember him beating Roode. They’ve fought four times at One Night Only alone and Roode is 4-0.

Jeff Hardy’s turning point was beating Austin Aries at Bound For Glory 2012.

MVP praises Jeff Hardy (because everyone in TNA respects everyone else. You almost never hear a promo without someone praising their opponent. Give us some more hatred.) but says he owns both Hardys. Jeff has had his ups and downs, his turning points if you will, but tonight Jeff is taking a turn for the worse.

We get a clip of MVP turning heel by attacking MVP and becoming yet another corrupt authority figure.

MVP vs. Jeff Hardy

JB does big match intros and calls this the Turning Point main event of the evening twice. MVP bails to the floor just after the bell to put JB in charge of the jewelry. After a minute on the floor (and somehow not even a one count from the referee), MVP heads back to the apron for more stalling. Jeff starts clapping and they lock up nearly two minutes in. A headlock has MVP in trouble but he shoulders Jeff down with ease.

The threat of a Twist of Fate sends MVP bailing again. He back in and goes back out again to make the fans hate him even more. Hardy won’t let MVP leave and takes him out with a big dive to try to wake the fans up. Back in and Jeff gets crotched going for the Whisper in the Wind, sending him out to the floor for a change. MVP sends him into the barricade a few times and Hebner is more than willing to count Jeff. Racist.

Back in and a big boot gets two for MVP and he follows up with right hands. We hit the chinlock because what else would you expect them to do? The Ballin Elbow gets two, likely because it’s just an elbow drop. Jeff starts his comeback and gets two of his own off a basement dropkick. The Whisper in the Wind gets the same but MVP counters the Twist of Fate into the Playmaker for another near fall. He tries the same move but this time Jeff counters into the Twist, followed by the Swanton for the pin at 16:05.

Rating: C. The problem here is there’s no reason for these two to be fighting, and a match based around MVP stalling for five minutes isn’t really going to get the job done. It’s certainly not bad and the ending sequence was pretty good, but there’s nothing here worth going out of your way to see. I know I’ve said that several times but it’s the only thing that keeps sticking out to me.

Celebrating and a highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: D. That highlight package was very telling. By the time I was done with this show, I had already forgotten a lot of the earlier matches on the card. That really shouldn’t be happening on a show that doesn’t even make two hours and forty five minutes. The wrestling is mostly acceptable here and the show isn’t the worst, but there’s no reason to want to watch it. That’s the case with so many of these shows: they’re clearly just filling in contractual requirements and the lack of effort and story really drags these things down.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Victory Road
Date: December 5, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay

We’re still doing these things for some reason and yet again it’s a bunch of qualifying matches for a gauntlet later in the night. These things are almost interchangeable as they’re either a gauntlet match or a tournament of some sort and they’re really getting old. In this case the winner gets $50,000 and a future World Title shot, which I’m sure will be remembered later. Let’s get to it.

The opening video shows everyone in the competition tonight over a slow song. There isn’t much to say about this one.

There’s no thirty minute intro this time. All matches are qualifying matches for the gauntlet.

Kenny King vs. Austin Aries

Feeling out process to start with King going for the leg to escape a wristlock in a nice counter. Aries rolls out of a wristlock as well and grabs a headlock, only to have King send him off and nip up before rolling outside for some reason. Back in and they speed things up with a headscissors taking King down and setting up a basement dropkick. King sends him out to the floor for a crash before slapping on a chinlock back inside. In case you’re wondering the announcers’ first totally off topic discussions are about Taz kicking people in Texas and Tenay having wanted posters in casinos.

King puts on another chinlock and mocks the Austin Aries chants as things slow down. A knee to the ribs puts Aries down but King misses a slingshot knee. Aries rolls to the apron and runs Kenny from buckle to buckle about ten times in a row. This is accompanied by the announcers making fun of Southwest Airlines. King bails to the floor and takes a top rope ax handle to the head, setting up a running elbow for two back inside.

Aries’ missile dropkick gets the same but Kenny blocks the brainbuster attempt. Austin wins a slugout but walks into a spinning kick to the face for two. The Royal Flush is countered and Aries blasts him with the discus forearm, followed by the corner dropkick and the brainbuster to send Aries to the gauntlet.

Rating: C+. Nice match here, assuming you can ignore all of the horrible commentary. King is a guy that can have a good, athletic match more often than not, even though most of his stuff here was based around chinlocks. Aries was doing his usual stuff but the fans ate it up, which is the entire point.

The Wolves are ready for their singles matches tonight because sometimes they hunt in packs and sometimes they hunt on their own.

Davey Richards vs. Bram

Taz about Christy: “She was late. That’s a thing guys don’t like saying about women.” Bram shoves him up against the ropes to start and knocks him down with a clothesline. Davey comes right back with a low bridge to the floor, a baseball slide and a missile dropkick to put Bram down. Back in and some kicks to the chest have Bram in even more trouble as Tenay and Taz are talking about going to the mall and yogurt shop. A belly to back suplex puts Davey down again and we hit the chinlock.

Davey gets stomped to the floor as Bram is having a great time hurting him. Off to another chinlock before Davey grabs a sunset flip, only to pop up and hit a quick double stomp. Back up and Davey nails his handspring into a kick to the chest followed by a release suplex for two. The top rope double stomp misses but Davey gets two off a rollup. Davey is all fired up but Bram pulls the referee in front of a charge to stop a charge, allowing him to nail an implant DDT to pin Richards.

Rating: C. Another decent match here with both guys looking solid. Bram is a guy that has a good look and can back it up in the ring, which I’m sure is why he’s been stuck feuding with Tommy Dreamer and now Al Snow. I still can’t get behind Davey as a singles guy but the Wolves are good enough as a team.

Kazarian and James Storm are teaming up later to face the Menagerie. Storm yells about having to face a freak show, which he calls a one hit wonder. Kazarian says he was the first man in the gauntlet and the last man out at the first Victory Road. This is when Storm is just an evil cowboy, meaning he’s not quite as entertaining yet.

Menagerie vs. Kazarian/James Storm

It’s Freak/Knux here with Knux starting off against Kaz, who slaps Knux in the face to start. We get a chase scene on the floor before Knux kicks his head off back inside. Knux has to fight out of the heel corner but Storm kicks him in the back of the head to take over. James comes in legally and hammers away as the fans freak out over something. Back to Kaz to rip at Knux’s face in the corner. Tenay and Taz are of course talking about Rebel.

Knux scores with a powerslam and the hot tag brings in the Freak. Storm is thrown around with ease as Tenay thinks Knux’s mask is a black and white cookie. A Jackhammer plants Kaz down and we get an old school double noggin knocker. The heels try the Wrestlemania V ending with Kaz playing Heenan but Freak just muscles Storm off. Not that it matters as Kaz breaks the beer bottle over Freak’s head and the Last Call sends them both to the gauntlet.

Rating: D+. Standard tag match here but I like that they’re mixing things up instead of just doing the same singles matches throughout the night. Storm and Kaz going on to the main event is the right idea, even though Kaz was almost gone at this point. It’s also a problem when Storm is a totally different character now but here he’s doing the old cowboy stuff.

Video on Lashley, who is listed as the champion here.

Bobby Lashley vs. Samoa Joe

Lashley doesn’t have belt as he comes out, which makes far more sense for this show. Joe gets shoved into the corner to start before Lashley gets behind him and throws the big guy down. A shoulder doesn’t send either guy down and Lashley tells him to bring it. Taz is actually offering some analysis here, meaning he’s likely running a high fever. Lashley gets pounded down in the corner and takes the Facewash, only to take Joe’s head off with a clothesline.

A series of crossface shots gets two on Joe and a suplex gets the same. Off to a nerve hold and Taz actually explains why it should work. Joe fights up and hits a big boot followed by the backsplash for two. A middle rope dropkick gets the same and Lashley is in trouble. There’s the Clutch but Kenny King comes out for a distraction, allowing Lashley to get out of the hold and spear Joe down for the pin.

Rating: C. When Joe is motivated, he’s as fun of a guy as you’ll find in TNA. When he’s just going through the motions though, it can make for a long match. It was more towards the latter here as there was no fire in Joe, but to be fair, can you really blame him? He hasn’t done anything outside of midcard stuff in like six years but we’re supposed to buy him as meaning something here? I still don’t get why he doesn’t get a bigger push.

Mr. Anderson vs. Abyss

Anderson jumps him on the floor to start and sends him into the barricade. He drives Abyss into the apron and fires off right hands before slamming Abyss face first into the barricade again. Now the bell rings as they get inside and Anderson hammers away in the corner. A big back elbow drops Anderson and Abyss drives fists into Anderson’s head.

The announcers debate which meal they saw Abyss at as he cranks on Anderson’s neck. Anderson avoids an Earthquake splash but his regular splash hits knees. Back to the neck crank for a bit before Mr. fights up with a spinwheel kick, only to have the Mic Check blocked. A quick chokeslam is enough for Abyss to advance.

Rating: D. I really was expecting more from a pair of former World Champions. This started quick and ended out of nowhere with Abyss just hitting his secondary finisher for the pin. Anderson is very much like Joe, in that he just hasn’t had anything important to do for a long time.

The BroMans are excited about winning the money because DJZ needs a mail order bride, Jesse wants a home gym and Robbie might buy a bunch of hampsters.

Here are the BroMans for their match and one of their opponents is…..Spud. The Brans mock Spud for trying to compete until his partner comes out to back him up.

BroMans vs. Bully Ray/Rockstar Spud

If this is half as great as the previous match with Ray and Spud, it’s going to be a classic. Before the match, Ray has something to say to the BroMans. He makes Spud stand in the corner and says he doesn’t like him, but he likes the BroMans even less. Therefore, he and Spud can team together for one night only. Ray says the fans have to convince the referee, which takes all of two seconds, and we’re ready to go.

Spud of course starts on the apron as Jesse poses at Ray. The fans want Spud and Ray is nice enough to give them what they ask for. We get more posing from Jesse, sending Spud right over to tag Ray, who facepalms as a result. Taz thinks Ray and Spud will split the winnings 40/10 tonight. Everything breaks down and the good guys do a double Flip Flop and Fly with Spud losing his mind, thrusting both the air and the mat and Ray just looks on in awe. Ray finally drags him over to the corner by the ear but gets beaten down by both BroMans.

A double clothesline puts the BroMans down as Ray really doesn’t seem that worried. Some Bionic Elbows drop the BroMans and Spud plays D-Von in What’s Up on Robbie. Spud is all dizzy as Ray slaps his chest for the tables, only to knock Spud down to the mat by mistake. It’s table time and Spud comes back with a pink kid’s table and Ray is stunned.

Spud tries to climb on it and crushes the thing, allowing the BroMans to get in some cheap shots. DJZ throws in a real table but Ray suplexes both BroMans down. Ray pulls DJZ in and pulls up his underwear, only to have Spud turn on Ray by nailing him with the chain. The BroDown sends the BroMans to the gauntlet.

Rating: C. This was fun at times but they just killed the crowd with the ending. Spud and Ray are one of the best comedy teams in the company but instead of going with the fun ending, they go with the storyline ending that no one wants to see. Granted no one was watching this show in the first place so it doesn’t matter as much.

Spud yells at Ray post match and of course gets powerbombed through the table.

Gunner thinks tonight is a great opportunity and can’t wait to get another chance at Magnus, who he almost took the title from earlier in the year.

Magnus vs. Gunner

The Brit grabs the arm to start as the fans just go silent. A front facelock into a headlock puts Gunner down before a back elbow to the jaw sends Magnus to the floor. Things slow down a bit with Gunner chasing after Magnus and getting shvoed off the apron and into the barricade. Back in and an elbow to Gunner’s shoulder drops him again and we hit a camel clutch.

That goes nowhere so Magnus rams him into the barricade for the standard non-effect. A slingshot suplex plants Magnus and a running knee to the chest gets two. Both guys try cross bodies and go down as Tenay can’t figure out what HSM means (Human Suplex Machine). Gunner gets crotched on the top and superplexed down for two. Magnus walks into a slam but raises a boot to stop the flying headbutt. Back up and Magnus tries a sunset flip but Gunner drops down ala Davey Boy Smith for the pin.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t bad but again, as I’ve said a few dozen times in this series, there’s no reason for me to care about these guys. One guy gets into the gauntlet and another doesn’t and they had a watchable match to get there. Nothing much to see here but it was an acceptable match.

Ethan Carter III and JB say “sup” a lot and Carter isn’t worried about Sanada. More sups are dropped.

EC3 video.

Ethan Carter III vs. Sanada

This could be interesting and Sanada isn’t evil yet. Before the match, Carter says he’s fluent in Japanese. Sanada says something in Japanese and Carter “translates” and I’m sure you know where this is going. Sanada finally calls him a stupid idiot and starts an idiot chant to get the match going. Some chops put Carter down and Sanada rains down right hands in the corner, only to get caught in snake eyes for two. Taz complains about eating bad Mexican food as Carter chops the skin off Sanada’s chest.

Sanada comes back with chops of his own and stomps Ethan down in the corner. The crowd dies as Ethan sends Sanada face first into the middle buckle to take over again. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Carter just slams him face first into the mat. Back up and Sanada grabs a hurricanrana followed by three straight springboard chops to the head for two. A missile dropkick sets up the moonsault but Sanada jams his knee, allowing Ethan to nail the 1%er for the pin.

Rating: C-. Anytime I get to hear Ethan’s song twice in a row, it’s a good day. Carter continues to be one of the major bright spots in the company and Sanada is no slouch either. Unfortunately this match had to take place at this show instead of somewhere that, you know, matters.

Bram is ready for the gauntlet because he’s here to hurt people.

Samuel Shaw vs. Crazzy Steve

OH COME ON NOW. They really need to have THIS match on the card to fill in time? There was nothing else that could have taken these few minutes instead of making us sit through this? Eh at least I get to look at Rebel twice in a night. Shaw misses a charge to start so Steve gets right down in front of him to mimic Shaw’s pose. Knux offers a distraction to send Shaw flying over the top as the crowd is dead again.

They fight over balloons but Shaw stops to look at Rebel. That earns him a bite to the leg until Samuel throws him off to the side with ease. A clothesline puts Steve down and about 18 fans think Shaw is creepy. Shaw chokes on the ropes and screams in a high pitch until Shaw floats over and hits some headbutts to the chest. Steve stops his comeback to get the balloons and dives into the side choke for the submission.

Rating: D-. They just fought over balloons. Get to the next match please.

The BroMans are are excited about the match and Robbie has already spent what sounds like millions. Jesse, somehow the smart one of the team, has to explain reality to him.

Tigre Uno vs. Eddie Edwards vs. DJZ

Feeling out process to start as everyone locks up with everyone. DJZ wants to stop for a second and we get a three way lockup. Now we get a three way headlock until Tigre dropkicks DJZ to the floor, only to have him pull Edwards out with him. Back in and Tigre bounces into a hurricanrana to take DJZ down but the spiky haired one comes back with a headscissors.

A spinwheel kick drops DJZ again and a Mysterio sitout bulldog has him in trouble. Edwards comes back in with a double missile dropkick before chopping Tigre in the corner. DJZ is sent outside again as Edwards puts Tigre into a fireman’s carry and throws him into an X Factor of all things. Everyone is back up now with DJZ sunset flipping Tigre who Germans Eddie at the same time. DJZ hits a pair of running knees to Tigre’s back but Uno punches his way to freedom.

Edwards gets dropped into a neckbreaker from DJZ for another near fall but Eddie sends both guys to the floor for a moonsault off the apron. Tigre pops up for a springboard corkscrew plancha to take over again. Back in and Tigre gets crotched on the top and superplexed down, allowing DJZ to get two counts on both guys.

Tigre does the overly complicated spin around Eddie into a headscissors but Edwards counters his springboard hurricanrana into a half crab. DJZ breaks that up too and sends Eddie into the post, only to get kicked in the head. Eddie misses a top rope double stomps and gets DDT’ed for two before Tigre botches a springboard hurricanrana for two on DJZ. Uno gets shoved off the top and Eddie grabs the half crab on DJZ for the tap out.

Rating: C+. Match of the night so far, mainly due to it just being different. It’s still nothing we haven’t seen a dozen times or so before, but at least the right guy won and it was entertaining enough. Edwards comes off as the far better singles wrestler of the Wolves, but that could just be due to Richards coming off like a jerk most of the time.

A music video recaps the night so far.

Gauntlet Match

Winner gets a World Title shot and $50,000. It’s the Royal Rumble style with twelve entrants, two minute intervals and the final two having a singles match for the title. Edwards is in at #1 and Aries in at #2 with Eddie nursing a sore shoulder. Speaking of shoulders, a block from one is enough to put Eddie down and Aries goes for an early elimination. That goes about as well as you would expect this early on so Edwards starts busting out some chops. Neither guy can eliminate the other until it’s Kazarian in at #3.

All three fight each other and this is already going nowhere. Aries kicks Kaz in the head but Edwards tries to dump Austin instead of Kazarian. Edwards and Kazarian are on the mat and Robbie E. is in at #4. He walks around doing the money sign and they just pummel him with forearms and chops. They pair off again though with Robbie actually knocking Aries down for a breather.

Samuel Shaw is in at #5 and of course takes his sweet time to get to the ring. Robbie hides from him in the corner so Shaw reaches through the ropes to get to him. Kazarian puts Eddie in a sleeper but Aries puts a sleeper on Kazarian at the same time. Robbie does it to Aries and Shaw does it to Robbie for a five way sleeper. Tenay thinks this is original because just adding two more people to the same spot that’s been done in multi-man matches for twenty years is innovative.

Lashley comes in at #6 to clear out some bodies but everyone goes after him in a smart move. Aries’ brainbuster is easily blocked though and Lashley puts him out. Edwards quickly follows him with a big beal sending him to the floor and Kaz is the third elimination, all by Lashley. A spear is enough to dump Shaw, leaving Lashley vs. Robbie. The killing is postponed though as Abyss is in at #7.

The big guys slug it out and Lashley manages to suplex the masked one. A chokeslam stops Lashley cold but he comes back with a spear. Ethan Carter III is in at #8 as Lashley and Abyss get in a brawl near the ropes and are eliminated by Carter and E. in a big surprise. Robbie and Carter are apparently cool until Carter nails him in the face. They brawl on the mat for a bit as the fans have now died for an unprecedented 485^th time tonight. Carter can’t throw him out and Gunner is in at #9.

Gunner goes right after Carter as Robbie hides in the corner again. Robbie gets up and saves Carter which he makes sure to point out to Ethan. Gunner can’t put either guy out but he can chop Carter’s chest into some pretty colors. We get the stupid “comedy” spot of Robbie landing between Carter’s legs. Carter is reeling until Jesse is in at #10. The BroMans double team Gunner as the announcers talk about the 80s. Ethan starts directing traffic until Gunner fights all of them off at once. James Storm is in at #11 but is fine with watching from the stage for awhile.

He finally comes down and says he wants Gunner for himself before choking him with the tag rope. Nothing happens for awhile as Bram is in at #12, giving us a final grouping of Jesse, Robbie, Carter, Storm, Gunner and Bram. Carter says he has an idea as the match just stops again. That goes nowhere as the BroMans dump Carter in just a few seconds. Jesse rams Gunner into the buckle so he can do that same I’M INTENSE spot again.

The BroMans accidentally collide and Gunner dumps Robbie with ease. Unfortunately he doesn’t freak out over not winning the money to pay his bills. Storm Last Calls Jesse to the floor and we’re down to three. A headbutt eliminates Bram and of course we’re down to the only rivalry in the match for the final two.

It’s a one on one match now so they stop for the big serious staredown. They slug it out with Storm clotheslining him down and dropping a leg for two. James goes outside for a beer but the bottle was used earlier. Instead he wedges a chair into the corner but of course goes face first into it, setting up the F5 to give Gunner the pin.

Rating: D. To the shock of no one and in keeping with the theme of the night, this was long and dull. The singles part lasted all of two minutes and ended with the same thing that almost every match in their feud ended with: Gunner winning without any real doubt. Unfortunately his push has died since this match was taped due to a six month feud with Samuel Shaw that has dragged Gunner through the floor.

Gunner promises to win the title before a long recap video ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. It’s not even that the shows are bad or anything as they usually have some watchable wrestling. I’d just like to see SOMETHING besides a tournament or gauntlet match to give me something fresh. I mean…can’t we just have a card of matches with a main event where some guys get to have some twenty minute matches that tear the house down? As usual these shows come and go and nothing sticks with me after about ten minutes. In other words, they’re very forgettable and that’s not the kind of show I’d drop money on.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Knockouts Knockdown II
Date: November 7, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,400
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Somehow this might be one of the last PPVs TNA ever puts on as they only have two more of these taped and have no regular PPV (or TV) dates announced at the moment. The title of this show should tell you everything you need to know. Just like last time, it’s a bunch of qualifying matches and then a gauntlet match for a crown. Let’s get to it.

We open with a package from the biggest names in the competition talking about how they’re the best. A regular music video shows us some highlights from the last few years of Knockouts matches.

Christy Hemme and JB are in the ring to show off the winner’s crown, only to be interrupted by Rockstar Spud. He has a guest host for the night, meaning JB and Christy aren’t needed this evening. The guest hosts is, of course, Ethan Carter III because this was taped way before Spud turned face. Spud is his lovely assistant and is allowed to bring out all of the girls, who don’t get individual entrances. Thankfully they have them line up in the ring for introductions.

We start with Deonna, who is from New Jersey (Spud: “I don’t know what that is.”) and shy. Carter: “Do you want Spud to tickle you?” Next up is Karlee Perez, more famous as Maxine from NXT. Ethan hits on her and Perez says the only position she wants is on top. Havok is third and the fans know her name before she says anything.

Spud knows her name too but he doesn’t think he could take her home to his mother. Next is Mia Yim, a regular on the indy circuit who the fans also seem to know. Ethan: “Mia what’s your sign?” Mia: “The stop sign.” We also have the redhead Veda Scott, who I believe is a regular in ROH. She’s a cat person so Ethan tries to start a cats chant. Matt Hardy’s wife Reby Sky thinks Spud is the only queen in TNA. Spud: “Sir I told you I don’t like girls.” Ethan: “…..moving on!”

Scarlett (Bordeaux) has a drink in her hand and rubs Spud’s face for some reason. Everybody gets a shot if she wins (Ethan: “SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!”) but Spud shoots the idea down. We wrap it up with Marti Belle, a chick with big hair who hits on Spud. The Rockstar can barely talk so Spud suggests asking her out. We get a closeup of Spud’s face as he looks into the camera and pops his eyebrows in a hilarious shot.

Spud still doesn’t know what to say but Ethan tells him to get to this so they can get married and have little Spud babies. He finally hits on her but can barely get the words out. Spud finally asks her to be his girlfriend and Marti actually says yes. Ethan suggests we get on with the show and we actually run down the card. By that I mean bring out every main roster Knockout to eat up even more time. Here’s the card, complete with an entrance for every Knockout.

Deonna vs. Brooke

Karlee Perez vs. Taryn Terrell

Havok vs. Madison Rayne

Mia Yim vs. Brittany

Veda Scott vs. Gail Kim

Reby Sky vs. Velvet Sky

Scarlett vs. Angelina Love

Marti Belle vs. ODB

Since we haven’t wasted enough time, here’s the end of last year’s gauntlet match to kill more time. Gail Kim eliminated Mickie James to win in case that memorable moment escapes you.

Wait we’re still not ready to go. Let’s get a package on Kim in there first. I’m assuming all of the regular Knockouts will get one of these so I won’t mention them unless they don’t happen or unless something important happens.

Veda Scott vs. Gail Kim

Taz: “It’s time!” Tenay: “It’s time?” Taz: “IT’S VEDA TIME!” I have a feeling the comedy isn’t topping that all night. Wait, let’s wait for Gail to high five all the fans and kiss her husband. We finally get the opening bell nearly half an hour into the show. Scott is kind of like Bayley from NXT as the biggest fan ever, only to sucker Gail in for a shot to the face. Gail throws her into the corner and gets two off a spinning cross body.

We get a breather as Veda is out on the floor, only to have her snap the back of Gail’s neck across the top rope for two. A middle rope clothesline gets two on Gail as the announcers discuss Veda’s sex appeal. Veda cranks on an armbar for a few seconds before Hebner breaks it up for a hair pull. Now the announcers babble about baseball as Veda pulls on Gail’s hair from a camel clutch position.

Back to a kind of reverse cross armbreaker from Veda until Gail rolls out and grabs a half crab. Scott rolls out and slaps Gail a few times but jumps into a kick to the ribs. Gail bounces back up and nails a quick missile dropkick for two before Eat Defeat sends Gail to the gauntlet at 7:35.

Rating: D+. I have a bad feeling this is what we’re going to see a lot of tonight: the rookies putting up a valiant fight and coming up short more often than not. Veda has a good look and can pull off the sexy intellectual well enough but she seems far more like a character than a wrestler. The match wasn’t bad but it felt like it was just waiting to end.

Scarlett puts her drink down to say she’s more than just a party girl, and if you cross her she’ll rip your throat off and do a body shot off you when she’s done.

The Beautiful People think the newcomers are all ugly. Velvet can’t handle thinking about it and they laugh off their opponents for tonight.

Scarlett vs. Angelina Love

Before the match, the Beautiful People think Scarlett is happy to be here because she’s dressed like one of them. Angelina thinks she could be a good third member and show her how to shake it, only to have Love jump her to get things going. Love keeps the mic and talks trash while stomping on Scarlett but thankfully stops soon. A side slam gets two on Scarlett and we hit the chinlock. Love slowly walks around before throwing Scarlett outside for a stomping from Sky. Back in and Scarlett fight back before “hitting” a Codebreaker. She goes after Velvet though and eats the Botox Injection for the pin at 4:50.

Rating: D. Well at least they had a squash here instead of just doing the same thing they did in the first match. Scarlett again comes off like more of a character than a worker, though in her case she’s only 23 and still needs experience. Nothing special here though and you knew at least one of the Beautiful People was going though.

Reby Sky, who looks a good bit like Trish Stratus, says she’s here to beat the girl to become the girl. Ethan Carter comes up to hit on her again and gets blown off.

Reby Sky vs. Velvet Sky

The bell rings but we have to stop for Velvet to check her hair. She quickly takes Reby down and rubs her face into the mat until Reby comes back with some forearms. She avoid a charging Velvet and there’s the required spank. A baseball slide sends Velvet into Angelina but Love trips Reby up to take over.

Velvet screams in her face a lot and stomps away in the corner for two. Velvet misses a charge in the corner but shoves Reby down into the splits. Back up and a double clothesline puts both girls down. Reby gets up first and nails a few kicks to the face but Love gets on the apron to distract the referee. Hairspray goes into Velvet’s eyes by mistake though, allowing Reby to grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C-. Better here as Reby is a more experienced girl and they had a different story. It helps that Reby didn’t have a goofy character to drag her down either. Not much to see here and they managed to protect Velvet at the same time by having some shenanigans cause the loss.

Havok is here to dominate. She’s actually talking here and has a full head of hair.

Jessica Havok vs. Madison Rayne

Madison mocks Havok (without the eye paint) to start and is launched across the ring like a feather. Some forearms get Madison nowhere as Havok drops her with a shot to the ribs. Havok rolls outside but easily catches Madison’s dive. Madison is sent into the steps and gets beaten up even more back inside. A bearhug has Madison in even more trouble but Havok makes it even worse by lifting her into the air for a full nelson.

Havok sends her down in the corner again but misses a charge. Madison comes back with some kicks to the ribs and the side of the head to knock her outside. Now the dive off the top takes Havok down but Madison runs into a boot back inside. Madison goes to the middle rope and hits a quick spear for the win at 8:33.

Rating: C. I liked this better than the rest of them as Madison actually had to fight to win instead of getting a surprise win or something out of nowhere. Havok looked like a monster here and it’s easy to see why she got a job out of this performance. She’s actually different than most of the other Knockouts ever and that’s the best thing the division could have.

Taryn Terrell says the Last Knockout Standing and ladder matches were nothing compared to what she’ll do tonight.

Taryn’s video is much more a Terrell vs. Kim video than just about her.

Taryn Terrell vs. Karlee Perez

Before the match Karlee says everything about Taryn is fake and gets slapped in the face to start things off. Karlee drives knees into her back and puts on a chinlock. Off to a full nelson for a bit before Taryn comes back with a sunset flip for two. Karlee kicks her in the head for the same but Taryn grabs the hair for some flips to take over. Perez grabs a crucifix, only to be driven into the corner, setting up an RKO to give Terrell the pin at 4:32.

Rating: D+. Things fell back down here as Terrell just isn’t capable of carrying a match on her own yet. Perez has the attitude to be something special but her in ring work needs more time. Granted most of the time she’s been a character rather than a wrestler, so maybe they should go back to that if Perez is to get a job long term.

Video on the Knockouts swimsuit calendar.

Mia Yim was here last year but promises to make a better impact this year.

Mia Yim vs. Brittany

Brittany grabs a wristlock to start and actually nails a headbutt. Yim grabs the ropes ala Manik and ducks a charge, sending Brittany out to the floor. That earns her a trip from Brittany to send Mia face first into the apron. A suicide dive takes Yim out again for two but she comes back with an ankle lock to take over. Brittany comes back with a Last Chancery which they don’t call a Last Chancery because it’s move infringement and Aries might shove his crotch into someone’s face.

Taz makes more sex jokes as Yim fakes Brittany out and dropkicks her down for two. Some weak looking strikes have Brittany in trouble but she comes back with a Fujiwara armbar to make Mia slap the mat a lot. That’s not tapping out for reasons that are unclear but my guess is that it’s not the finish. A handspring elbow nails Mia in the corner but she counters a Stratusphere attempt with a bunch of forearms and a missile dropkick gets two. Yim gets slammed off the top but avoids a handspring moonsault. A quick rolling cradle is enough to pin Brittany at 6:51.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I thought I would with Yim looking far more polished than a lot of these newcomers. She should probably get a mainstream job in the future but due to being solid in the ring and not a blonde model, she might not be exactly what WWE is looking for. Nice match though and probably Brittany’s best performance ever.

Deonna vs. Brooke

No idea who Deonna is but she looks nervous. We keep up the talking theme tonight with Brooke insulting the crowd and mocking Deonna’s gear, which is basically just shiny workout gear. Deonna admits that Brooke is better in every aspect than her, but at least she isn’t a wench. A quick rollup attempt gets two for Deonna and Brooke bails to the floor, saying she wasn’t ready. Back in and Brooke takes over as the announcers debate the meaning of “wench”.

A slam sends Brooke back to the floor but Deonna goes after her this time, only to get kicked in the face for her efforts. Brooke grabs the mic again and calls herself mama before talking trash. Now the announcers make jokes about throwing each other out, marking the first good idea they’ve had all night. Brooke stomps away in the corner and the Stinkface hits shoulder. Deonna avoids a middle rope elbow and both girls are down. Some low speed Irish whips send Brooke into the corner and a suplex gets two. Brooke’s cheating rollup is caught but the Tesshocker ends Deonna a few seconds later at 7:31.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Brooke looked great but the whole shy rookie thing was done better by Scott earlier in the night. They’re running out of ideas for matches here and it’s getting annoying to sit through. Granted that happens at all of these shows though so it’s nothing new. I don’t want to imagine what it would be like without the filler though.

Gail Kim did a photo shoot for Muscle and Fitness. More filler.

ODB doesn’t know much about Marti Belle but says bring her on. Spud comes in and says he’ll be in Belle’s corner tonight.

Marti Belle vs. ODB

Spud finally brings himself to give Marti a kiss on the cheek. A quick chest bump puts Marti down in the corner and ODB sends her into the buckle. ODB spends too much time yelling at Spud though and gets dropkicked out to the floor. Taz starts singing Like A Virgin as ODB gets knocked back off the apron.

Back in and ODB misses a top rope dive and gets choked on the ropes. An abdominal stretch doesn’t get Marti anywhere as the announcers are talking about Man O War (a famous racehorse in case you’re unfamiliar) for no apparent reason. ODB comes back with a Bronco Buster and the fall away slam connects, only to have Spud hook her leg to give Marti a small package for the pin at 6:14.

Rating: D. Thank goodness ODB is gone from TNA. She’s been doing the same act for years now and it stopped being funny about 18 seconds after she debuted. Marti was nothing special and I can’t imagine we’ll be seeing any more of her in the near future. This show needs to end soon because it’s starting to run out of the little steam it had in the first place.

Belle breaks up with Spud post match in the most interesting thing she’s done all night. Spud: “WE WERE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER! WE WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP ON FACEBOOK!” ODB cracks up and Spud says he hates women. Spud makes another match right now.

ODB vs. Rockstar Spud

Spud gets shoved down to start but he sends her face first into the buckle to take over. For some reason Spud starts ripping off his clothes, earning him some hard chops to the chest. Another Broco Buster connects and Spud loses his pants, revealing some small, stained underwear. The Bam finally ends Spud at 3:22.

Rating: F. This wasn’t funny as even Spud has his limits. On to anything else please.

We recap the evening to eat up even more time.

Gauntlet Match

Royal Rumble style with two minute intervals. Gail Kim is #1 and Brooke is in at #2. Kim hammers away to start but gets sent hard into the corner to put her on the mat. Gail comes back with more forearms until Mia Yim is in at #3. Mia takes out Brooke but walks into a double clothesline from Gail, allowing the announcers to rhyme Yim and Kim far more often than necessary.

Reby Sky is in at #4 for some clotheslines of her own until Gail tries to dump her over the corner. Angelina Love is in at #5 as this is one of the most boring battle royals I’ve ever seen so far. Gail sends Reby shoulder first into the post and goes right after Angelina as she comes in. Everyone goes after Angelina as the announcers keep rhyming for no apparent reason. Love gets knocked to the apron but hangs on. Instead she dumps Reby to clean the ring out a bit as Madison Rayne is in at #6.

Gail and Mia fight in the corner until Marti Belle is in at #7. All six girls in the ring get knocked down as this match is just dying. Taryn Terrell is in at #8 as there is just nothing going on between these entrances. Taryn throws out Belle and Gail dumps Brooke. Love tosses Terrell as the ring is suddenly a lot more empty. Angelina knocks Gail out and Rayne gets double teamed. The Botox Injection hits Marti by mistake, allowing Madison to dump her as well.

So it’s Love vs. Rayne in a one on one match now with pins and submissions. Love runs to the back because this show WON’T FREAKING END. Madison chases after her and winds up kicking both Beautiful People through the entrance. Back in and Sky trips Rayne down as the announcers start ripping on the referee. Love puts on a full nelson with her legs but gets caught in a sunset flip out of the corner for two. Off to a chinlock from Love before Madison fights out to ram Angelina face first into the mat a few times. Sky grabs the hairspray but blasts her partner by mistake, allowing Rayne to spear Love for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was one of the most boring battle royals I’ve ever seen. The girls came in, they were quickly eliminated, and we had Angelina and Madison have a boring match with the same ending we saw earlier in the night. Madison winning is fine but this continues to mean nothing and bored me half to death.

Madison is awarded the crown with Gail Kim coming out to award it to her to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was one of the weakest entries in this series so far. It’s a one note idea that stopped being interesting after about four matches, especially when the newcomers wound up meaning nothing at all. The Spud stuff was funny for awhile and then didn’t even tie into the ending of the show. The show wasn’t so much bad as much as it was incredibly dull, which is often far worse.

Above the bad wrestling though was all the filler. With nearly half an hour to get to the show and then all the generic videos about the girls, this show pretty easily could have been cut down by 45 minutes to an hour. Why not have the videos about the newcomers? Or would that been putting actual effort into one of these? Bad show here but it was nice to see some fresh Knockouts.

Results

Gail Kim b. Veda Scott – Eat Defeat

Angelina Love b. Scarlett – Botox Injection

Reby Sky b. Velvet Sky – Rollup

Madison Rayne b. Jessica Havok – Middle rope spear

Taryn Terrell b. Karlee Perez – RKO

Mia Yim b. Brittany – Rolling cradle

Brooke b. Deonna – Tesshocker

Marti Belle b. ODB – Small package

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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ODB b. Rockstar Spud – Bam

Madison Rayne won a gauntlet match last eliminating Angelina Love

Looking at how TNA screwing up Bound For Glory really shouldn’t be that surprising.http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-know-thyself/29607/

 

Forgive me if there’s no preview for this one.  I have no idea who most of these people are.

World Cup of Wrestling II
Date: September 5, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,400
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay

Of all the One Night Only shows, the first World Cup was probably the most entertaining. They actually did something different instead of just going with the same bracketed tournament that they almost always do. Last time they had a group of wrestlers from various countries (and Aces and 8’s) and used a point system. This time it’s four captains with teams and no real affiliation but the same points idea. Let’s get to it.

The opening video shows us the captains: Kurt Angle, Bobby Roode, Eric Young (World Champion when this was taped) and Ethan Carter III. Each guy gets a quick soundbyte saying they’ll win.

The structure is really simple: each team will have two singles wrestlers, a tag team and a Knockout. The teams with the most points (assuming a point per win) advance to a tag team elimination match for the World Cup.

JB brings out the captains for the draft. Carter says his aunt made sure he was a captain and he’s appointed Rockstar Spud as his co-GM. Spud comes out in a suit that looks like the UK flag was struck by lightning. Rather than just saying “this captain picks this wrestler” over and over again, I’ll just list them all in the order they were picked.

Team Angle

Kurt Angle

Mr. Anderson

Davey Richards

Madison Rayne

Sanada

Team Roode

Bobby Roode

James Storm

Samuel Shaw

Kenny King

Beautiful People

Team Young

Eric Young

Bully Ray

Gunner

Eddie Edwards

ODB

Team Carter

Ethan Carter III

Magnus

Jesse Godderz

Gail Kim

Robbie E

There was almost nothing interesting said during the picks. Young did his “comedy” and Angle made some implied gay jokes about Carter and Spud. Why Roode is allowed to pick two Knockouts isn’t clear. Also you would think Angle would have taken the chance to get the Wolves together. The draft was a cool idea but it took almost twenty five minutes.

James Storm (Roode) vs. Eddie Edwards (Young)

The fans are entirely behind Edwards to start and Storm nails a quick shoulder to start. A hurricanrana sends Storm to the floor for a baseball slide with Eddie in full control. Back in and Storm sends him face first into the corner before driving some elbows into the chest. Storm catapults him throat first into the bottom rope but Eddie sends him back to the floor for a suicide dive.

Back in again with Eddie still in control but James grabs a quick Eye of the Storm for two. Edwards gets draped over the top rope for a reverse Stunner and two before Storm goes after his hand of all things. Storm takes too much time though and gets caught by a jumping enziguri to put him into the corner. Eddie breaks up a superplex attempt but dives into Closing Time. The Last Call is loaded up but Eddie ducks underneath it and grabs a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I thought I would and Edwards continues to look like a better prospect than Richards. The downside to this match is it shows the issues with the show as a whole: the wrestling isn’t bad but without any reason for these guys to be fighting other than points, it’s kind of hard to get into things. It can be done but it’s not easy.

Team Young – 1 (3 matches remaining)

Team Carter – 0 (4 matches remaining)

Team Angle – 0 (4 matches remaining)

Team Roode – 0 (3 matches remaining)

Team Carter sends Gail out for the team’s first match. You can hear Edwards vs. Storm as this is going on. Carter talks about how his team is like a car working on all cylinders. He dubs Robbie as Wheels and we get DJZ’s sound effects (Carter: “Can you feel that in your loins?”). Godderz is called the Butcher and Magnus is a real life captain. This came off like filler. Ethan calls the team the Handsome Man Band.

Gail Kim (Carter) vs. Madison Rayne (Angle)

The fans are totally split as the girls take each other into the corner. Naturally the announcers ignore this to talk about some match from 1962. Madison takes her down to the mat and puts on a headscissors but Gail gets up and bails to the ropes. A headlock has Gail in trouble and she gets caught in a sunset flip for two. The mat humper sends Gail out to the floor before they shove each other a lot.

Madison wins a slugout but Gail clotheslines her down to take over. Taz sounds bored out of his mind on commentary. Gail puts her on the top rope, only to get sunset flipped for another near fall. Madison gets nailed again and Gail puts on a Brock Lock while wrapping her leg around Rayne’s head. It doesn’t last long though so Kim hits the running cross body to the ribs in the corner. They head outside and Madison scores with a spear before throwing Gail back inside. Madison misses a pair of charges and walks into Eat Defeat to give Gail the pin.

Rating: C-. Same match we’ve seen between these two a million times but at least Madison looked good. Gail is about as polished as you’re going to get but she just doesn’t have the charisma to back it up. The Knockouts continue to be miles ahead of the Divas and this was a good example of why.

Team Young – 1 (3 matches remaining)

Team Carter – 1 (3 matches remaining)

Team Angle – 0 (3 matches remaining)

Team Roode – 0 (3 matches remaining)

Bobby Roode brags about his team but isn’t sure why he picked Storm. He promises to lead his team to a win here tonight.

BroMans (Team Carter) vs. Mr. Anderson/Sanada (Angle)

Sanada actually cuts off Anderson’s mic drop and says the last name a few times. Robbie and Anderson get things going with Robbie doing some weird dance. Anderson sends him into the corner for some buckle rams before the good guys start working on the arm. Both of them take turns with top rope ax handles but Robbie rolls over to the corner for the tag off to Jesse.

Sanada slams him down and it’s quickly off to Anderson for a slam of his own. They alternate slams again before Robbie comes in and both BroMans get slammed. DJZ comes in but gets pulled out to safety. The regular team tries to to walk out but Anderson threatens the laptop to make them come back. Anderson puts the laptop down but realizes he doesn’t know how to work it. He does manage to play some music and Sanada busts some moves.

After the fans aren’t all that thrilled, Sanada fixes it up a bit with a slingshot plancha onto the BroMans. Robbie finally takes him down and puts on a chinlock. That goes nowhere as Sanada gets up and brings in Anderson for some elbows to the jaw. The rolling fireman’s carry drops both BroMans and DJZ takes one on top of both of them. Sanada hurricanrans Jesse to the floor but DJZ comes in with the laptop to Anderson’s back, giving Jesse the pin.

Rating: D+. This was your standard comedy match with a surprise ending. The BroMans winning makes the most sense but it would have been nice to see them get in a little bit more offense. I’ll give them this though: they’re at least mixing the matches up tonight so we don’t have to sit through the same stuff over and over again.

Team Carter – 2 (2 matches remaining)

Team Young – 1 (3 matches remaining)

Team Roode – 0 (3 matches remaining)

Team Angle – 0 (2 matches remaining)

Eric Young coins the term Dream Team and says he’s ready.

Eric Young (Young) vs. Bobby Roode (Roode)

Feeling out process to start with Eric taking him down to the mat before a shoulder knocks Roode out to the floor. Back in and Eric cranks on the arm as the announcers make fun of Mike Adamle. A right hand drops Roode in the corner but he sends Young out to the floor and into the barricade. Roode drops an elbow back inside before a neckbreaker gets two.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before the Blockbuster gets two on Eric. The fans get Young back into it to escape a sleeper but he gets sent to the apron for the strut. A belly to belly plants Roode and a missile dropkick gets two. Roode escapes the piledriver and gets two of his own off the spinebuster.

The Roode Bomb is countered into the wheelbarrow suplex into a neckbreaker for two. Eric goes up and blocks a superplex attempt before dropping the top rope elbow for a VERY near fall. Roode gets an elbow up in the corner but dives at Young and right into the piledriver for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was by far the best match of the night but the fans were almost silent. There’s something to be said for this theory that Impact Zone crowds bring the show down and this is a good example. I mean they just did not care about two World Champions going back and forth for thirteen minutes. That’s the kind of thing you can’t blame on the wrestlers but it really needs to be fixed, assuming it’s financially possible.

Team Carter – 2 (2 matches remaining)

Team Young – 2 (2 matches remaining)

Team Roode – 0 (2 matches remaining)

Team Angle – 0 (2 matches remaining)

Angle promises to show Carter why he’s a TNA Hall of Famer.

Video on Kurt Angle’s career in the Olympics and time in TNA.

Kurt Angle (Angle) vs. Ethan Carter III (Carter)

Ethan says he’s concerned for Angle’s well being because Kurt might try to maim him (Carter: “WHAT?”), hurt him (“WHAT?”) or injure him (“WHAT?”), so there’s going to be a change.

Kurt Angle (Angle) vs. Magnus (Carter)

They circle each other for a good while before Angle grabs a hammerlock, sending Magnus running into the ropes. The Brit puts on a headlock and even a suplex can’t break it up. Angle escapes and hammers away in the corner, only to take a knee to the ribs. We hit the sleeper on Angle but Kurt escapes with some rolling Germans.

The Angle Slam is countered into a kind of Rock Bottom around the ribs. He loads up the top rope elbow but Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex and two. The ankle lock goes on until Magnus quickly kicks away and nails a running clothesline. Now the top rope elbow connects for two but Magnus charges into the corner for some reason, allowing Angle to step to the side and nail the Slam for the pin.

Rating: C. This picked up a bit at the end but there was barely anything in the first five minutes. Again the fans were dead and that’s very annoying but it’s a fact of life in TNA. Angle just didn’t have much in the tank at this point and the injuries were really mounting up. I’m almost hoping he doesn’t come back because he could hurt himself very, very badly if he keeps going.

Team Carter – 2 (1 match remaining)

Team Young – 2 (2 matches remaining)

Team Angle – 1 (1 match remaining)

Team Roode – 0 (2 matches remaining)

The Beautiful People say Roode picked them because they’re hot. Everyone needs a paper bag with their face on it and they start beautifying TNA tonight.

Angelina Love (Roode) vs. ODB (Young)

Velvet immediately trips up ODB and Angelina stomps away. They stop for a chest bump though and ODB comes back with running shoulders to send Angeling running to the floor. We get a slow chase scene and Earl Hebner gets caught as we’re in comedy territory. Back in and Earl yells at ODB, earning him a chest shake. Hebner falls to the mat and holds his chest as the Beautiful People come in to jump ODB.

Angelina puts on a chinlock and even jumps on ODB’s back, only to be rammed into the buckle. There’s the fall away slam and a Bronco Buster to Love but the Bam is countered with a rake of the eyes. Sky throws in hairspray but gets her face shoved into ODB’s chest (with the camera cutting away). Love comes back with the Botox Injection for the pin.

Rating: D-. ODB is not funny. I don’t know any other way to put it. She’s done the same “I’M NOT A LADY” stuff for years now and it was old years ago. The same can be said of the Beautiful People. They’ve done the same schtick for a very long time and I just do not care anymore. The comedy didn’t help things either and the whole match was a mess.

Team Carter – 2 (1 match remaining)

Team Young – 2 (1 match remaining)

Team Angle – 1 (1 match remaining)

Team Roode – 1 (1 match remaining)

ODB escapes the makeover post match and shoves Angelina’s face into her chest. Earl wants some but gets kissed and passed out.

Ethan Carter III (Carter) vs. Davey Richards (Angle)

Ethan quickly shoulders him out to the floor before knocking him into the ropes back inside. Back up and a flying tackle drops Carter to the floor where Davey can fire off kicks. Carter takes him down back inside and stomps away before driving in some shoulders in the corner. Davey gets taken down into a gutwrench before a knee to his ribs gets two.

Off to an abdominal stretch and the fans are actually into this one for a change. Spud offers some assistance until Richards flips Carter over to escape. Carter gets taken down by a sunset flip but Richards pops up for a double stomp and two. Ethan bails to the floor and gets caught by a suicide dive. Back in and a missile dropkick gets two for Richards and it’s time for the chest kicks. The big one misses though and Ethan nails a Batista Bomb for two.

Davey blocks the 1%er and nails the kick to the head. He puts on an ankle lock instead of covering but lets it go to try a top rope double stomp. Carter rolls away and nails a running clothesline for two. They head to the corner for a superplex but Davey headbutts Ethan down and gets two off a sunset bomb. The big kick to the head gets two more but Spud trips Davey, allowing the 1%er to send Team Carter to the finals.

Rating: C+. Another nice match here which probably has something to do with the extra time it was given. Spud and Carter work so well together and Carter is actually nailing the serious part of his character. Richards didn’t do much here and all the kicks were getting on my nerves.

Team Carter – 3 (0 matches remaining)

Team Young – 2 (1 match remaining)

Team Angle – 1 (0 matches remaining)

Team Roode – 1 (1 match remaining)

Gunner and Bully Ray are ready for their match. Ray brags about their legs and calves respectfully and Gunner says it’s all about making the finals. Tonight, Kenny King and Samuel Shaw will experience war. Ray: “OH WHAT A RUSH!” Gunner: “That’ll never get over.”

Bully Ray/Gunner (Young) vs. Kenny King/Samuel Shaw (Roode)

Shaw stares at Ray to start so Bully shoves him into the corner for the tag to King. Ray easily shoves him down too so it’s back to Shaw. Samuel gets taken into the corner and has his shirt raised for some skin breaking chops. The shirt stays over Shaw’s head and Ray starts a Gunner chant before bringing him in for a running clothesline. The Al Snow trapping headbutts rock Shaw and a falling headbutt gets two.

It’s off to King who scores with some kicks to Gunner’s face but it’s quickly back to Ray. Bully calls his spots as loudly as possible in a kind of funny bit until Shaw trips him down and crotches him against the post. Shaw comes in and screams a lot while choking. Back to King for more choking in the corner but Ray rolls underneath a double clothesline and tags in Gunner.

House is cleaned and Gunner rams his own head into the buckle before getting two off the top rope headbutt. Everything breaks down and Gunner plays D-Von in What’s Up. They do GET THE TABLES and even Taz mocks the crowd for not caring. Instead Shaw is whipped into Bully’s boot and Gunner nails an F5 for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a glorified squash and I don’t think it was ever really in doubt. At the end of the day, Samuel Shaw and Kenny King aren’t much of a match for a Hall of Famer and a guy in the upper midcard at this point. Nothing to see here but it was as easy of a way as they had of getting Team Young into the finals.

Team Young vs. Team Carter in the finals.

Ethan sends Spud off to get some coffee and then takes credit for the team doing so well. He talks about fans caring about individuals and star power instead of the team but cuts himself off when Spud comes back with the coffee. This guy continues to be gold.

Bound For Glory is coming to Tokyo. I’m surprised it’s not a One Night Only show given how little TNA seems to care about it.

World Cup of Wrestling: Team Young vs. Team Carter

Eric Young, Bully Ray, Gunner, Eddie Edwards, ODB

Ethan Carter III, Magnus, BroMans, Gail Kim

Elimination rules. DJZ’s description of the team: the Handsome Man Band and one hot Asian chick. Jesse and Edwards get things going with Eddie speeding things up and hiptossing both BroMans. Off to Young for two off a double back elbow before he cranks on Robbie’s arm. Bully comes in for the loud chop and DJZ comes in for some embarrassment of his own.

Gail gets the tag and shoves Ray before hurting her hand trying chops. She sticks out her chest to let Ray chop her but Ray reaches out both hands in a funny bit. Ray goes racial with the Karate Kid crane pose before picking Gail up. He tags in ODB to spank Gail a few times before running her over with a chest bump. A front facelock allows ODB to spank a few more times but Gail comes right back with some of her own.

Jesse gets in one as well so ODB offers the rest of the team a free shot. She counters Eat Defeat into the Bam to take out Gail and it’s 5-4. Jesse comes in and gets his face sent into ODB’s chest but Robbie makes a blind tag and grabs a rollup for the pin. Gunner is in next for some headbutts before it’s back to Edwards for rapid fire chops in the corner. Some kicks set up a Shining Wizard for two but Jesse makes the save.

Off to Magnus for a stomping as Spud coaches from the floor. Jesse gorilla presses Edwards and DJZ is back on the sound effects. Eddie clotheslines both BroMans and hurricanranas both of them at the same time but doesn’t tag. A trip from Magnus lets the BroMans hit a clothesline into a cradle for the elimination.

It’s 4-3 now and Bully is taken into the Carter corner. Jesse actually slams Bully for two but walks into a Rock Bottom for the fast pin. Robbie tries to come in but gets launched into the air. The Flip Flop and Fly drops Robbie again but Magnus nails Bully in the face, giving Robbie the upset pin. It’s down to Gunner/Young vs. Magnus/Carter/Robbie.

Gunner charges in but gets caught in the heel corner again to give Carter’s team the advantage. Off to the chinlock by Carter but he makes the mistake of ramming Gunner face first into the buckle. Robbie takes the punishment in the form of an Irish Curse before the Gun Rack makes him submit. 2-2 now and we have a pretty decent looking tag match. The Brit comes in and takes a slingshot suplex but knocks Gunner out of the air with a European uppercut. A Michinoku Driver eliminates Gunner and we’re down to a handicap match.

Young charges in and the heels continue their idea of catching their opponent in the corner. Carter slams him down and gets two off a splash before putting on a chinlock. A belly to back suplex breaks it up but it’s back to Magnus to stop Eric’s comeback. We get the standard heel miscommunication and they argue, allowing Young to hit the wheelbarrow into the neckbreaker for two. Carter makes the save but hits Young low for a DQ. It’s one on one now and a hard clothesline puts Eric down. Magnus tries a piledriver but Young reverses into one of his own for the pin and the cup. Tenay of course acts like it’s no big deal.

Rating: C. You could pretty much pencil this in almost down to the exact eliminations but that’s fine. Young pinning Magnus was still a big deal at the time as he has just done it to win the World Title that week so the win meant more back then. It’s a nice way to cap things off and they even managed to protect Carter. That guy is going to be a big deal in the near future.

A VERY quick presentation ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s nothing great but this is my favorite of all the One Night Only series concepts. They keep things moving and offer you enough of a variety that there’s enough reason to care. If you like competitions and keeping track of scores you’ll like this fine and it’s a perfectly acceptable use of three hours. Again, the HD version is $15 so how much complaining can you do if things are at least decent?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

X-Travaganza II
Date: August 1, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,400
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Jeremy Borash

It’s another One Night Only show with a look at the X-Division again. The first show was the first entry in the series and is still one of the better shows produced. The idea here is a series of singles matches with the winners going to an Ultimate X match at the end of the show. There’s actually a prize for the winner that matters too, as the Ultimate X winner gets an X-Division Title shot at some point in the future. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual package from the show we’re about to see.

Low Ki talks about how his martial arts skills will help him win.

Video on Chris Sabin with nothing being said.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: Low Ki vs. Chris Sabin

Sabin hides in the corner to start and then heads outside. Back in and Sabin takes over for a bit but stops to pose on the ropes. Low Ki chops Sabin out to the floor before chopping him in the corner back inside. Sabin finally comes back and drops Low Ki ribs first across the top rope. Off to an abdominal stretch on Ki’s weakened ribs followed by a running knee to the same target.

Sabin hooks a bodyscissors before putting Ki in the Tree of Woe and nailing a baseball slide for two. Ki comes back with a kick to the chest for two of his own and a springboard kick to the head gets the same. After doing nothing on the floor, Ki takes him back inside but Sabin drives him into the corner to counter the Ki Crusher. The second attempt works far better though and is good for the pin on Chris.

Rating: C-. I liked this better than I expected to but I still don’t care for Low Ki all that much. The guy just doesn’t do it for me with all those kicks. It was clear that Sabin was going through the motions and didn’t have a ton of interest in having a good match. That’s not the best way to go out, but man alive how was he World Champion a year ago?

We’re getting a list of Top X-Division Moments throughout the night, including all of Destination X 2011.

Austin Aries says he isn’t a sucker and is ready for his 2/3 falls match tonight against Sanada. He isn’t going to complain about cutting his foot on a shell at the beach, or being car lagged from driving up from his house, or being blinded by Sanada’s shiny clothes. Aries promises to take the title back tonight.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: DJZ vs. Rashad Cameron

DJZ takes him into the corner but hides from the threat of a right hand. Cameron gains control and cranks on a headlock, causing DJZ to yell about Cameron touching his hair. Naturally Rashad pulls him down by the hair before putting on DJZ’s headset. He throws the headphones in the air for a distraction and chops DJZ down, only to have his dive attempt broken up. DJZ stomps in the corner and gets two off a flapjack.

We hit the chinlock and Tenay throws a big wrench into the whole concept of the night. Apparently these are NOT qualifying matches, at least not in the traditional sense. Only Cameron can qualify for whatever reason, meaning that if DJZ wins, both guys’ night is done. The idea is current X-Division guys vs. outsiders and only the outsiders can qualify. So if the TNA roster wins in a sweep, there’s no Ultimate X? How do they manage to screw up something this easy? Why do they need to make something this simple so complicated? Such is life in TNA.

Anyway, Cameron fights out of a chinlock but gets dropped ribs first onto the top rope. The fans chant DJ CHICKEN LEGS as DJZ misses a charge and falls out to the floor, setting up a big flip dive (Tenay’s words) to take DJZ down again. Back in and a high cross body and hurricanrana get two each for Cameron. With DJZ hunched over, Cameron jumps backwards from the middle rope into a cutter. I’ve never liked that move. Cameron misses a top rope splash but comes back with a small package for the pin.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t bad but DJZ really doesn’t do anything for me in the ring. The story here though was how hard my mind was blown by the stipulations. Insiders vs. outsiders is a fine idea, but why in the world would you not just let the winners into Ultimate X? I don’t see the benefit of having the active roster guys get nothing for a win, but to be fair there’s a lot of stuff about TNA I don’t get.

Video on Sanada which we’ve seen a few dozen times.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: Rubix vs. Kenny King

Only Rubix can qualify. They circle each other for awhile until King takes him into the corner (popular opener tonight) for some knees to the ribs. Rubix comes back with AJ Lee’s Black Widow before nailing a dropkick to send King outside. King avoids a dive and nails a quick suplex to take over. Back in and King hits a running elbow in the corner and slaps on a chinlock.

It doesn’t last long, much like everything else tonight, allowing Rubix to nail a quick hurricanrana to send both guys back to the floor. Back in again and Rubix scores with a missile dropkick, only to get caught in a German suplex for two. Rubix hits another kick but charges into the Royal Flush for the pin.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but it’s the same going through the motions that all three matches have done so far. Rubix is a guy I’ve enjoyed in the few matches he’s been in around here, but he doesn’t seem like someone that’s going to be around long term. I still don’t get why neither of these guys is going to Ultimate X either. King gets bragging rights, which he really shouldn’t be pleased with.

Highlight reel of big moves in X-Division.

Sonjay Dutt promises to get another shot at the X-Division Title tonight. Spud comes in and says it’s his night instead. Ethan Carter comes in and makes a match between them. Spud and Dutt leave and Ethan says he’s won almost all his matches, making all of them five star quality. Therefore, he’s going to put up $25,000 of his own money for a ladder match tonight.

Ace Vedder (Trent Barreta) is going to prove himself.

TJ Perkins, the man under Manik’s mask, talks about being homeless to follow his dreams.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: Ace Vedder vs. Manik

Only Vedder can qualify. Tenay acknowledges that both guys used to wrestle under different names. I get the idea with Manik but I don’t get why Vedder changed from Greg Marasciulo. They start fast for a change with Manik putting on AJ Lee’s Black Widow. Quick pause for a history lesson here.

Back in the USWA, Dutch Mantell gave a rookie named Steve Austin a great wrestling lesson: he handed him a chair and said sit in the back and watch every single match all night long. Austin did just that and started to catch onto something: if you watch a match, you know what’s been seen that night. For example, if everyone had been working an arm that night, he would work a leg or a lower back. Why would he do that? Because the fans aren’t going to cheer as hard if they saw the same thing twenty minutes earlier.

This is the second person to use a unique submission move in two straight matches. Yeah that might be a move Manik likes to use and it does look cool, but when we just saw Rubix use it, I don’t want to see it again. You hear about wrestlers today playing video games or something like that during the show until their match is up and this is what happens as a result.

Remember what I said about taking someone into the corner being a popular way to start a match? It’s the same idea. There are dozens of ways to start a match, and any competent wrestler should be able to use a ton of them. However, if no one is paying attention, there’s a good chance they’ll repeat stuff and the fans are going to get bored. That’s not what a wrestler is paid for and it’s a problem that happens WAY too often in wrestling today.

Anyway, Vedder escapes the hold and puts on an armbar before kicking Manik in the ribs. Manik rolls out of the armbar and hooks a hurricanrana before doing the Ultimo Dragon handstand in the corner. They head outside and Manik sends him face first into the apron and nails a dive from the ring. Ace heads back inside and nails a dive of his own before running Manik over with an elbow for two.

Manik does his hanging in the ropes spot before avoiding a charge to send Ace back out to the floor. A slingshot dropkick drops Vedder and a missile dropkick back inside has him in big trouble. The fans are bordering on dead for this. Manik suplexes him down but takes too much time going up and gets slammed down. Ace’s tornado DDT gets two and Manik’s lifting powerbomb gets the same. Manik misses a top rope splash and Vedder hits a running boot to the back of the head for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t bad but this show is dragging worse than a trailer with no wheels. There’s no reason to care about most of these guys as these are one off matches with no stories behind them. I have no reason to care about any of these matches because there’s almost no character to any of these guys coming in and the old guys have nothing to gain by winning. These kind of shows can work with good matches but this is almost all mediocre, making it hard to sit through.

Bad Influence says they’re awesome and will win the $25,000 in a ladder match against the Wolves. Ok there’s no way that won’t be awesome.

Video on Sonjay Dutt.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: Sonjay Dutt vs. Rockstar Spud

Only Dutt can qualify. They finally lock up after a minute with Dutt flipping around a lot to counter a wristlock. Spud crawls around on his knees as Tenay compares Dutt to the Chicago Cubs. Sonjay whips him into the corner, does a Bushwhacker march for some reason, and nails a running clothesline. A standing moonsault gets two on Spud but he breaks up a springboard dive to take over.

Spud misses a top rope legdrop but keeps hammering away and puts on a neck crank. The Rockstar goes up again but misses a splash. Dutt nails a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle for two, followed by a middle rope missile dropkick for the same. Spud comes back with a slam and goes up a third time. It’s a missed elbow on this attempt and the moonsault double foot stomp gets the pin for Dutt.

Rating: D. See, Spud’s comedy only works when someone else in the match is bouncing off of him. In this case, Dutt was wrestling the match straight, making Spud look like an unfunny dolt who had no business being in the ring. In other words, he looked like himself. The match was dull and this formula really needs a break.

Video on Ultimate X from Victory Road 2008.

Petey Williams is back for one night only and declares tonight old school.

Video on Tigre Uno.

Video on Petey Williams, focusing on the Canadian Destroyer.

Ultimate X Qualifying Match: Petey Williams vs. Tigre Uno

Only Williams can qualify. They trade arm work to start (of course) before Petey drives him into the corner. A bouncing hurricanrana takes Williams out to the floor and a big corkscrew dive puts him down again. Back in and Petey puts on a half crab before changing over to a Crossface and then the Rings of Saturn. That goes nowhere so Williams puts him in the Tree of Woe and stands on Tigre’s crotch to sing O Canada.

Tigre comes back with an enziguri, counters a German suplex and nails another enziguri for good measure. In a quick ending, Tigre goes up and tries what looks to be a seated senton splash but it turns into a low blow for the pin. Petey pops up and seems surprised by the ending and doesn’t sell the move.

Rating: D. You bring Petey Williams back and he doesn’t even try the one move that people remember him for? Tigre Uno is one of the few guys in the X-Division that can actually do anything and he gets to beat a single guy and then go home for the night? This concept continues to make less and less sense every match.

Rashad Cameron says he’s the best and won’t stop until he has the title. Simple but not terrible promo here.

Another video on an Ultimate X match from 2003.

Here’s Ethan Carter III to introduce the ladder match. He talks about how it’s been all flips and kicks and dives tonight, but now it’s going to be kicks and flips and dives with LADDERS. Ethan goes on about how you can’t grab the brass ring because it’s on his finger as this is clearly filling time.

Bad Influence vs. Wolves

Ladder match for $25,000 and this HAS to be more interesting. It’s a brawl to start with the Wolves easily getting the better of it. The villains come back and send the Wolves into the barricade as they start isolating Richards in a sound strategy. Bad Influence tries to bring in a ladder but are forced to drop it to avoid a double baseball slide. Back in and the Wolves take over on Kaz before dropping Daniels ribs first onto the steps.

Kaz gets back up and grabs a ladder but gets in a tug of war with Davey. Eddie comes over and helps by pulling the ladder, and Kaz, into the post. Back in again and the Wolves hammer away on Daniels in the corner before throwing him out onto Kaz. Instead of climbing though, the Wolves try a double suicide dive but Bad Influence gets up a ladder for a block.

Two more ladders are brought inside and all four guys climb as fast as they can. That only lasts a few seconds as everyone is rammed into the steel and come down in a bunch of heaps. Daniels throws out a ladder and Kaz drops another on the mat. Daniels suplexes Kaz onto Eddie onto the ladder before Daniels drops a leg of his own. Davey stops a Kaz climb and runs him over with a ladder.

The ladder is wrapped around Bad Influence’s heads and kicked very hard in a spot that wasn’t as impressive as it should have been. Both Wolves try to climb but Daniels and Kaz are right back up for the save. Kaz kicks both of them into the ladder in the corner so Bad Influence can climb, only to get shoved down onto the ropes. Richards goes up top but gets kicked in the head. An attempt at a top rope Angel’s Wings is countered and Daniels lands hard on the ladder. Davey nails a top rope double stomp onto Daniels onto the ladder. There’s the powerbomb/Backstabber combo to Kaz, allowing Eddie to climb up for the win.

Rating: B. That might be a bit high but this was so different than everything else I’ve had to sit through tonight that it was much more entertaining. These are teams that know how to entertain a crowd and that’s exactly what we got for about sixteen minutes. They didn’t do anything unique or special but there’s nothing wrong with using spots that have been done before as long as they haven’t been seen in awhile.

Ethan comes out to congratulate them and start a Wolves chant but takes the check back. The Wolves kick him in the head and take the check.

We recap Sanada taking the X-Division Title from Austin Aries at the last One Night Only in Japan. This is the first time they’ve brought these things up from a previous show and it’s a nice change of pace.

X-Division Title: Sanada vs. Austin Aries

Sanada is defending and this is 2/3 falls. Aries starts in a crane position and they hit the mat for an early standoff. Sanada spins out of a wristlock into one of his own before they head back to the mat. The champion avoids a basement dropkick and Aries is getting frustrated. They run the ropes and this time it’s Sanada missing a dropkick, allowing Aries to lounge on the top rope. Another lockup goes to the champion as he pulls Aries down into a rolling cradle for two.

Sanada heads to the apron and they fight over a suplex, only to have Aries snap his throat across the top rope to put the champion on the floor. The suicide dive is blocked by a forearm (looked more like Aries tripped) and Sanada’s moonsault gives him the first fall in about five and a half minutes.

After a quick rest period, Sanada tries another moonsault to start the second fall (why he didn’t cover when Aries seemed to be unconscious isn’t clear) but gets shoved off the top and into the barricade. A neckbreaker onto the middle rope sends Sanada back to the floor but he beats the count at nine. Aries hits a middle rope dropkick to the back for two and the frustration is setting in.

Off to a figure four stump puller of all things on Sanada. After he drops back for a two count, Aries takes Sanada into the corner but the champion just unloads on him with forearms. Sanada loads up a springboard but gets knocked into the barricade to put him in trouble again. Aries nails a top rope ax handle to the floor but Sanada beats the count back in again.

With nothing else working, Aries tries a moonsault (looked good too) but only hits the mat. The champion gets a breather and comes back with a springboard chop to the head to put both guys down. Aries hits a quick knee crusher and a belly to back suplex followed by the running dropkick in the corner. Austin is all ticked off and loads up the brainbuster, only to have Sanada counter into a bridging rollup for the pin to retain.

Rating: B. I was really getting into this one at the end but the 2/3 falls stipulation caused some issues here. Aries not being able to pin Sanada was a great story as his mastery kept being one upped every time, but throwing everything at him just to get a single fall didn’t work. Still though, VERY good match here with an excellent story being told.

Video on the history of Ultimate X. This one is more in depth and has people talking about how dangerous but amazing the match is.

Low Ki says he’s done everything he wanted to do but when he comes back to TNA, he feels that desire to win one more match.

Ace Vedder talks about not being scared of anyone in the match.

Sonja Dutt calls himself an OG of the X-Division.

We recap how all four guys got to Ultimate X.

Rashad Cameron vs. Low Ki vs. Ace Vedder vs. Sonjay Dutt

The winner gets a future X-Division Title shot. In case you’ve never heard of Ultimate X, there will be a metal tower at each corner of the ring. Two red cables cross the ring and a big red X hangs at their intersection. You have to climb the towers and use the ropes to get to the X in the middle. The first person to pull it down is the winner. It’s one of TNA’s signature matches but isn’t used as much as it used to be.

We have Cameron vs. Dutt in the ring and Ki vs. Vedder on the floor to start. The pairings switch places and Ki crotches Vedder in the corner before pulling him down into a dragon sleeper while in the Tree of Woe. Dutt tries to climb but Cameron gets up for a save. That’s fine with Dutt as he knocks Cameron off the ropes and down onto the floor in a big crash. Ki and Dutt fight in the corner before having to work together to dropkick Cameron off the ropes and down to the mat.

Everyone is down until it’s Vedder chopping it out with Sonjay. Ki is thrown to the floor as Sonjay superkicks Ace down. Back in and Low Ki goes up, only to have Cameron climb after him. Vedder will have none of that and superplexes Cameron down to the mat. All four are down again with each guy in a corner. Dutt kicks Ki in the back of the head and Cameron hits a kind of reverse hurricanrana to drop Vedder. Dutt stops Low Ki from going for the X but gets sent outside by Cameron.

Now it’s Ki dropkicking Cameron out to the floor but a standing sliced bread #2 from Dutt drops Ki. Sonjay goes to the floor and climbs the tower instead of the buckle, only to climb above the ropes. Vedder goes up on the opposite side and this is rather terrifying. They chop it out as the structure is shaking. Sonjay actually puts on a camel clutch before sliding through one of the holes in the structure to stop Cameron. He takes too long though, allowing Low Ki to sneak in behind them and pull down the X for the win.

Rating: B-. Good match but as someone terrified of heights, that stuff at the end with Vedder and Dutt was nerve racking. They did some good high spots but nothing that hadn’t been done before. I was hoping for more from Cameron and Vedder, but Dutt and Ki were the most popular guys in the match and had to be the guys to take it.

As a total sidebar that I can’t imagine was intentional, Low Ki was tipped off as the winner for a reason that has nothing to do with the match. Ki was the odds on favorite for one reason: he was the first man introduced in the competition. Here’s the problem with One Night Only competitions: outside of bracketed tournaments, someone in the opening match has advanced to the finals and won the competition all but one time. James Storm did it at Joker’s Wild I, Gail Kim did it at Knockouts Knockdown, and now this. The lone exception was Joker’s Wild II with Ethan Carter III.

Overall Rating: C-. I’d be hard pressed to come up with a show where the last hour bailed out the first hour and forty minutes more than this one. The worst part of this is that the first six matches weren’t all that bad, but having them back to back had me begging for this show to be over. They needed to mix up the big matches with the qualifying matches to give us a break. Either that or have four qualifying matches and cut out the whole insiders vs. outsiders thing which didn’t need to happen. It’s not a terrible show but it’s very hard to get to the good parts.

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Global Impact Japan
Date: July 4, 2014
Location: Ry?goku Kokugikan, Tokyo, Japan
Attendance: 5,800
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

This is another One Night Only show with the roster heading to Japan for a show co-promoted by the Wrestle-1 promotion. Naturally, what better day to hold it on thant he Fourth of July? This show has three title matches, all of which have been spoiled on Impact in the four months since this was taped. I hope you like this, as this is very similar to what Bound For Glory is going to be this year. Let’s get to it.

The opening video shows a lot of the traveling as a voiceover talks about how awesome this is for TNA. Magnus is the main star featured in the video as he was the World Champion when this took place.

Bad Influence vs. Junior Stars

The Junior Stars are Koji Kanemoto and Minoru Tanaka. Kanemoto wrestled at Starrcade 1995 and invented the Koji Clutch. Tanaka was in TNA for the 2006 World X-Cup. I’m assuming the Junior part is for their weight class and not for their ages. Daniels and Tanaka get things going with Christopher being taken into the corner, where he shouts CLEAN BREAK about fifteen times in a loud voice. Daniels does the same to Tanaka, who shouts the same thing and is granted his request. They hit the mat for a bit before Tanaka dropkicks Daniels’ knee.

Off to Kanemoto vs. Kazarian with Koji taking over, using something like Joe’s Facewash. Taz says Koji invented that move which really wouldn’t surprise me given Joe’s work in Japan. Kaz comes back with a dropkick and is hiptossed onto Koji by Daniels for two. Back to Daniels as Taz makes jokes about photographers. They’re firmly in the “let’s make jokes instead of calling the match” mode tonight.

Bad Influence starts some fast tagging to keep Kanemoto in trouble but he avoids a charge from Daniels to get a breather. A suplex puts Daniels down but there’s no tag to Tanaka. Instead Koji misses a moonsault and a double big boot puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Daniels to face Tanaka with Minoru taking over with shots to the face. Everything breaks down and Tanaka dives off the middle rope to take Daniels down to the floor.

A half butterfly suplex gets two on Christopher and Koji gets two off a 450. Kazarian pulls the referee out to really get the fans’ attention. A powerbomb/neckbreaker combination gets two on Tanaka but he pops up and puts Kaz in an ankle lock. Kanemoto puts Daniels in a cross armbreaker at the same time but Kaz crawls over to save his partner. Why Tanaka lets go of his hold when Tanaka’s is broken isn’t clear. Bad Influence goes High/Low for the pin out of nowhere on Kanemoto.

Rating: C+. The match was fine for an opener as Daniels and Kazarian can wrestle without having to do all their comedy stuff. That fits in better for a more serious show like this, and the match was entertaining as a result. It wasn’t anything spectacular but not every match has to be.

A humble Magnus talks about how important of a show this is for both himself and TNA. He and Joe won the GHC Tag Team Titles here about a year ago so he has history in this building. Tonight he’s defending against Kai and promises that it’s going to be a war.

Bad Influence says they’re the best team in the world. This is much more over the top in true Bad Influence style. Tanaka chases them off.

Gail Kim vs. Madison Rayne

Madison is Knockouts Champion at this point but I believe this is non-title. Rayne gets a quick rollup for two and does the mat humping for two. Tenay and Taz try to talk about some Japanese culture and wrestling history but it’s about as pitiful as you would expect. Gail gets two off a clothesline and hits the running cross body to the ribs in the corner. Madison comes back with a rolling cradle but Gail tries to cheat. The champion isn’t happy and charges into the buckle to stun herself.

Gail puts on the figure four around the post as Taz continues asking about the numbered photographers at ringside. Back up and Madison’s leg is fine as Gail rolls her up for two. A suplex gets the same for Rayne but she gets caught in something like a Death Valley Driver for two. Eat Defeat gets Gail the pin a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. This is the exact same match these two have had about a dozen times and in this case Gail won. I really don’t know what else you want me to say about this one, as their matches have been done so many times and there’s almost nothing more to see them do in the ring.

We hear from some wrestlers who are happy to be in Japan. This looks like deleted scenes from the opening video.

Abyss vs. Yoshihiro Takayama

Takayama is described as the Japanese Abyss. Granted that’s Tenay’s opinion of him so I’d expect the second coming of Petey Williams. It’s a brawl to start of course with the blond haired Takayama being knocked out to the floor early on. Takayama slugs away but gets sent into the barricade for his efforts. Back in and they punch each other some more with Takayama nailing a pair of running knees to the chest. Abyss blocks a German suplex and they head outside again.

Four minutes into the match, Tenay casually mentions that Takayama has won the All Japan Triple Crown Title, the GHC Championship and the IWGP Championship. I don’t follow Japanese wrestling and even I know that’s a bigger deal than something you mention four minutes into a match. Abyss takes him to the ramp and pours out the thumbtacks but Takayama fights out of a chokeslam. He tries another German but gets slammed down onto the tacks. Abyss misses a splash and lands in the tacks as well before they brawl to a no contest.

Rating: C-. Take two big guys and let them fight for about seven minutes. This was a mindless but fun brawl and that’s what you would expect out of guys like these two. The tacks were a nice big spot at the end and the shorter you keep an Abyss match, the better things are going to be.

Gail Kim says she’s the best Knockout in the world and screws up the continuity of being Madison’s friend.

Masakatsu Funaki vs. Bobby Roode

Funaki is a technical guy with a very successful MMA background. Feeling out process for the first minute and a half with Roode shouting about how great he is. Bobby takes him down with a headlock but Funaki grabs a much faster headlock of his own to take control. Back up and they stare each other down before Roode tries a forearm.

A stiff kick to the chest puts him down on the floor where he asks Funaki to bring the fight. Funaki obliges and is whipped hard into the barricade for his efforts. Bobby sends him shoulder first into the post before wrapping it around the ropes. A knee drop gets two on Funaki and it’s off to a cross armbreaker. Funaki fights up and fires off kicks in the corner followed by a hard one to the face.

They chop it out until Roode takes him down with a DDT on the arm. There’s the crossface (more like a crossforehead) but Funaki rolls backwards into a rollup for two. Back up and Funaki tries an ankle lock, only to get pulled back down into the crossface. That goes nowhere so Roode grabs a spinebuster for two. The Roode Bomb is countered into the ankle lock and Bobby taps out.

Rating: B. This was a nice technical match with Roode having good psychology by going after the arm for the entire match before trying the crossface. I would have liked some leg work before the ankle lock but it wasn’t completely out of nowhere. Roode looked good here and the match was fun to watch.

Joe is thrilled to get to face Great Muta tonight. He calls wrestling an international language and says TNA is ready to show what they can do to a new audience.

Keiji Mutoh/Rob Terry/Taiyo Kea vs. Masayuki Kono/Rene Dupree/Samoa Joe

Joe’s team gets the jobber treatment and Mutoh might retire if he loses. Joe and Kea get things going with Joe hammering away in the corner, only to have Kea no sell most of the shots. A big boot has little effect on Joe and an elbow to Kea’s jaw has the same result. Off to Terry vs. Dupree for a posedown before Renee dropkicks Terry’s knee out. Kono comes in to try a double suplex but Terry suplexes both of them at the same time.

Mutoh gets the tag for the power drive elbow before putting Kono in an STF. Back to Kea for chops followed by Terry for some cranking on the arm. Mutoh puts on a sleeper but Dupree gets in a cheap shot. Joe glares at his partner for the cheap shot and does the same thing to Kono, even going so far as to save Mutoh. Apparently he’s fine with backsplashing Mutoh for two and putting on the Koquina Clutch but everything breaks down.

Things settle down and Mutoh mostly misses a dropkick to Joe and the tag brings in Kea. A Russian legsweep gets two on Joe but he comes back with a powerslam. Off to Kono who gets caught in something resmbling a running DDT. Terry gets the tag and gets the crowd to clap a lot before hitting a slow motion Jackhammer. Kea rolls away and tags in Dupree who is quickly backdropped down.

Muta comes in and takes out everyone with dragon screw legwhips before putting Renee in a Figure Four. Kono makes a save so Muta hits Dupree with a Shining Wizard but everything breaks down. Members of the Desperadoes stable comes in to attack Mutoh but Joe won’t help them. He takes a chair from Dupree and headbutts him before walking out, allowing Mutoh to hit the Shining Wizard for the pin on Dupree.

Rating: D+. Well you knew Mutoh wasn’t jobbing here. This match was a big mess though with Joe wanting to do the right thing or whatever it was while all of the people interfered (and Tenay just expected us to know who they were because EVERYONE follows a year old Japanese promotion). This felt like “let’s all love Mutoh” and while he deserves respect, I don’t care for matches that turn into stuff like this. It wasn’t terrible or anything and the story made good sense, but it was messy.

The Wolves talk about how honored they are to perform in this building. They respect Team 246 but don’t think too much of the BroMans.

Tag Team Titles: BroMans vs. Wolves vs. Team 246

One fall to a finish, The Wolves are defending and Team 246 is Kaz Hayashi/Shuji Kondo. These are the TNA Tag Team Titles if that’s not clear. Three people in the ring at once so it’s Robbie, Kaz and Davey getting things going. Kaz and Davey slug it out before they both stare at Robbie, triggering a very Broish scream. Robbie Hulks Up and a single chop from Kaz sends him to the floor. Davey and Kaz get to shout at each other a lot and counter moves until Kaz kicks him down.

Eddie comes in but gets caught by a DDT from Kondo. The BroMans pull everyone to the floor until they head back inside with the Wolves. The champions low bridge the BroMans to the floor before diving onto Team 246. Robbie totally misses a dive so the Wolves hit more stereo dives to take everyone out. Back in and Davey kicks Jesse in the side of the head before an enziguri and missile dropkick put Hayashi down for two.

The BroMans shove the Wolves off the top rope and double team Hayashi. Things settle down with the Wolves staying out of the ring as Kaz gets beaten up even more. Davey finally comes back in but gets gorilla pressed by Jesse and nailed with a middle rope elbow from Robbie. Hayashi shoves the BroMans into each other but Davey kicks Kondo off the apron. Kondo comes in anyway as everything breaks down.

A spinebuster gets two on Edwards and Kondo sends the BroMans together again. Davey comes back with a handspring into a kick to Kondo’s face. Robbie DDTs Kaz down but gets laid out by the Wolves. Kondo powerslams Edwards and some double teaming from 246 gets two. Kaz gets the same off a superkick but Davey makes the save.

Richards kicks both of 246 before slugging it out with Hayashi again. A hugh kick to Kaz’s head sets up a German suplex for two for Davey and the powerbomb/Backstabber combo gets two more. The BroMans send the champions to the floor but Kondo breaks up the Bro Down. Richards kicks Kondo down but gets sent to the floor, setting up the Bro Down to Hayashi for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C+. This was fine though I still don’t see the appeal of Kaz Hayashi. He didn’t do anything for me in WCW and now he’s not doing anything for me when he has longer hair. The Wolves looked decent but I get really tired of the Japanese style of getting hit in the face a lot and just screaming in response.

Sanada training video.

The BroMans celebrate.

X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Sanada

Sanada is challenging. They shake hands to start before trading armbars. Now they trade headlocks until Sanada hooks a quickly broken abdominal stretch. Sanada rolls him up for two and it’s another standoff. Austin takes him to the mat and rides him a bit before grabbing a few rollups for two each. Aries flips out of a wristlock before dropkicking Sanada in the head for the first real advantage. Sanada is sent to the floor but blocks a suicide dive with a forearm.

Back in and Sanada hammers away in the corner for two but Aries sends him to the floor to break up a springboard attempt. The champion hits a top rope ax handle to the floor before hitting a running elbow off the ramp for two back inside. After working on the neck for a bit, Aries hooks a leg lock to change course. A knee crusher gets two for Aries before they chop it out with Sanada taking over. Aries comes back with a discus forearm to put Sanada on the floor and now the suicide dive connects.

A missile dropkick sends Sanada across the ring but he stays on his feet. Sanada stops a charge with a boot to the face but Austin grabs a crucifix, only to be flipped up into a TKO in a sweet counter. Aries pops back up with a knee crusher into a belly to back suplex, followed by the corner dropkick.

The brainbuster is countered so Aries hits three more running dropkicks, only to have Sanada counter the brainbuster into a suplex. Sanada wins a slugout but Aries grabs him for the brainbuster and two. There’s the Last Chancery but Sanada crawls over to the rope. Aries misses the 450 and a German/dragon/tiger suplex combo gets two for Sanada. A pair of moonsaults give Sanada the title.

Rating: B-. This was the usual good match between these two and it should have been the longest match of the show. Sanada is at least getting to be in TNA longer than the cup of coffee that a lot of foreign wrestlers get in American companies. He’ll get a big match at Bound For Glory and it’s going to be interesting to see where he goes after that.

A stunned Aries rolls up the promoter before raising Sanada’s hand.

Magnus says Kai is good but not good enough.

Here’s a match from Lockdown 2014.

Bad Influence/Chris Sabin vs. Great Muta/Sanada/Yasu

Daniels and Kazarian come out in Great Muta garb circa 1989. Sanada took the X Title from Austin Aries a week ago in Japan. Sabin and Sanada get things going and fight over hiptosses before Sanada grabs an abdominal stretch. It’s quickly off to Muta to drop some fast elbows on Sabin followed by a crossface hold. Daniels makes the save but we get the Green Mist from Muta.

Back to Yasuyuki who gets taken into the wrong corner with Daniels dropping him with a belly to back suplex, setting up a slingshot legdrop from Kaz for two. Daniels suplexes Kaz onto Yatzu, setting up a springboard moonsault for two from Christopher. Back to Kaz who misses a top rope legdrop, allowing the hot tag off to Sanada.

He cleans house until Bad Influence hits a quick High/Low for two. Daniels takes Sanada down for a second but a hot tag brings in Muta to really clean house with dragon screw leg whips all around. The Mist puts Daniels down and there’s the Shining Wizard, setting up a moonsault from Sanada for the pin on Daniels at 9:22.

Rating: C. Not a bad match and a good choice for an opener, but it’s also a good example of what’s wrong with the all cages gimmick. The cage added absolutely nothing here and there’s no reason for the cage to be there at all. The fans reacted well to the Japanese guys so it certainly wasn’t a terrible idea.

Austin Aries says he makes guys like Sanada raise their game.

TNA World Title: Magnus vs. Kai

Magnus is defending and Kai won a tournament to get this shot. Feeling out process to start as a lot of TNA guys have come out to watch the match. No one goes anywhere when they fight over a top wristlock so Magnus takes him down with a headlock. Back up and Kai nails three straight dropkicks but Magnus stops him with a forearm. They head up the ramp and fight over a suplex on the stage until the champion takes him over.

Back in and Taz keeps complaining about the referee not being up to his standards. We hit another chinlock followed by a camel clutch to Kai. Taz notices that Kai’s tights say Dress Camp and goes on a rant about summer camp. Kai fights up and sends Magnus to the floor, followed by a suicide dive to take over. Magnus fights out of a powerbomb and kicks away, only to get dropped by a clothesline.

They slug it out with Kai nailing a falcon’s arrow for two. Kai goes up but gets superplexed down, though Magnus can’t follow up. Back up and a springboard enziguri drops Magnus and a running boot to the face gets two. A powerbomb gets two more on the champion but he catches Kai in a Michinoku Driver for a near fall of his own. The top rope elbow gets the same and another Michinoku Driver followed by a second elbow retains Magnus’ title.

Rating: C. It was a pretty good main event style match, but the problem I have with this is the problem I have with almost all shows like this: who is Kai and why should I care about him? Yeah I know he won a tournament, but I have no connection to Kai, have never seen one of his matches or heard him talk. All I know about him I learned in the last fifteen minutes of hearing Tenay and Taz and watching this one match. Wrestling is about connecting with performers, be it through promos or through their matches. With nothing to go off, there’s no reason for me to care about Kai.

A two minute highlight package closes us out.

Overall Rating: C+. This was very different than the rest of the One Night Only shows as there was a completely unique feeling to the show. Now that being said, as I mentioned, I don’t care for most of these shows as I don’t care for Japanese wrestling all that much. The show wasn’t bad but it’s nothing I got excited about watching. I saw some good action but I have no connection to most of them. I don’t care to watch any more Wrestle-1, even though some of it was good stuff. Bound For Glory is going to be a HUGE gamble, but they could make it work under the right circumstances.

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Joker’s Wild II
Date: May 9, 2014
Location: National Indoor Arena, Birmingham, England
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

These things are back again with another random tag partners competition. It’s the same format as the first in the series: take four random wrestlers and put them in a tag match, then have the winners go into a gauntlet battle royal. The winner gets a check for $100,000. I wouldn’t mind if they used money as a motivating factor in wrestling more often. Let’s get to it.

 

As usual, we open with a package of clips from the show we’re about to see.

Jeremy Borash and Christy Hemme explain the concept for the night. They also do the drawing for the first match, which they’ll be doing before every tag match tonight.

Gunner/Chris Sabin vs. British Invasion

It’s Magnus/Doug Williams, which should tell you a thing or two about how this show is going to go. This is one of Sabin’s final appearances as he’s gone from the company by the time this show airs. Doug and Sabin get things going with the Englishman taking him down by the arm. The announcers are already in their own little world as Williams hangs onto the arm even though a monkey flip. Sabin is sent to the floor for a chase and eats a European uppercut back inside.

Off to Gunner for some nice applause and one off a shoulder block. The tag brings in Magnus to a mixed reaction and the showdown with Gunner. Well it would be a showdown if this were on regular TNA TV and Magnus were still World Champion but there’s only so much for me to work with on this show. A headlock takes Gunner down to the mat but he fights back with a fall away slam for two.

Back to Sabin who gets caught in a double neckbreaker for two. The announcers are talking about tag team wrestling for a change. Granted it’s about Taz’s career but at least they’re getting closer than they were earlier when they talked about wrestling polar bears. A sunset flip from Douglas gets two on Gunner but it’s quickly back to Sabin. Chris chokes Douglas with a rope from his wrist to get some cheating in there but the fans cheer Douglas back to his feet.

Gunner comes in again but charges into a boot in the corner, allowing Williams to come off the middle rope with a European uppercut. Taz’s line during that sequence: “Calculus 202. That was my thing.” He’s talking about math, not the uppercut in case you’re looking for a double meaning or a metaphor there. Everything breaks down and Gunner puts Magnus in the Gun Rack but Sabin tags himself in and gets two on Magnus. Sabin accidentally hits his partner, setting up the snapmare into the top rope elbow from Magnus for the pin to advance.

Rating: C. This was your typical One Night Only match: the wrestling wasn’t bad but the lack of a strong story hurts it. It’s not bad or anything and there was a basic story of having an experienced team against a makeshift team but this was much more for the live crowd than the PPV audience.

The British Invasion both say they’ll win the gauntlet for the money later tonight. Magnus emphasizes that the reunion was indeed for one night only but there are no hard feelings.

Bad Influence says they’ll both carry their partners and then win the gauntlet. The Bro Mans come in and promise they’ll win but Bad Influence says the Bro Mans might not be together tonight. Robbie seems a little more aware of what’s going on tonight. This turns into a discussion of hair gel.

Robbie E./Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe/Bad Bones

By the powers, what a coincidence. And right after they were talking too! Bad Bones is the German wrestler that Joe beat up in like 90 seconds a few weeks back. He looks like a lot like A-Train if he was about six inches shorter and not covered with hair. Joe starts with Daniels as the announcers debate leader boards vs. a list of winners. Daniels doesn’t break clean in the corner but his forearms to the back have almost no effect at all. Joe runs him over and hammers away in the corner to set up the Facewash.

Daniels bails to the floor for a meeting with Robbie as the fans quiet down. Back in and E is tagged in before Joe tags him in the jaw with right hands. Off to Bones for a nice high collar suplex and two. Some running forearms and a running knee to the chest ala Daniel Bryan drop Daniels with ease. E tries to help his partner but Bones double clotheslines them down as well. Robbie trips Bones up from the floor and comes in legally to hammer away in the corner.

We hit the chinlock and the fans are already cheering for Bones. E misses a charge in the corner though and the hot tag brings in Joe to face Daniels. The big boot and backsplash get two on Christopher and it’s off to a cross armbreaker. Robbie makes the save but gets speared down by Bones. Joe Muscle Busts Daniels for the pin to advance.

Rating: C. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing that rating a lot tonight. There’s only so much to do in a quick match like this with a basic story of power vs. speed with four guys that have a limited history together. Not a bad match or anything but it was just ten minutes of four guys doing moves to each other with Joe and Bones not really breaking a sweat.

Gunner says the loss wasn’t his fault.

British Invasion says the same thing they said after their match.

Samuel Shaw says he only trusts himself.

We do another draw and there are about twenty fewer pieces of paper in the tumbler.

Rockstar Spud/Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson/Austin Aries

This has potential. Spud says he’ll be team captain no matter who his partner is and then Bully is announced for a funny moment. Ray and Spud stare each other down. That goes badly for Spud so he gets a chair to stand on. He talks about being chief of staff…..before quickly agreeing that Ray is captain tonight. The fans chant for Aries but switch to WE WANT SPUD. They get what they ask for but the tag hurts Spud’s hand.

Aries easily takes him down so Bully gives him a huge pep talk and starts a SPUD chant. The Rockstar gets in Aries’ face and slaps him, only to be dropped by a left hand. Ray offers another tag but Spud is scared of the pain so it’s another pep talk. This time Aries takes him down with a clothesline and it’s off to Anderson to take over in the corner. All four get in and Spud starts to dance. Ray walks to the corner and facepalms, allowing Aries and Anderson to double team Spud.

Bully realizes he’s doing this on his own and Spud gets knocked down again. Ray yells at him and gets elbowed in the back of the head by Aries, knocking him face first into….uh….a certain place on Spud. This just makes Ray even angrier so he breaks out of a Mic Check and kicks Anderson in the face. Spud does Ray’s pose so Ray pulls him to the corner by the ear and hits a big elbow drop for two on Anderson. Ray to Hebner: “You know what? You count too slow!”

He yells at Hebner in the corner but Earl gets right in Ray’s face to take him into the other corner. Now it’s back to Spud. Taz: “WHY???” Spud drops the same elbow for two and gets in Hebner’s face so Earl slams him down to give Aries a two count. Anderson hits the neckbreaker on the now legal Bully and it’s off to Aries who dropkicks Ray to the floor. A dropkick from the top to the floor and a regular missile dropkick get two for Aries but Ray slams him down and tells Spud to go up top.

Ray: “WHAT’S UP???” Spud: “I’M UP!” The headbutt connects but Ray knocks Spud down when he slaps him in the chest before GET THE TABLES. Spud falls down trying to pull the table out and Ray is disgusted. “GET THE TABLE IN ALREADY!” Anderson comes over and puts his arm around Ray as Spud is still dealing with the table.

Aries is about to go up for What’s Up but Hebner won’t let him. Spud tries a sneak attack on Anderson but is thrown into Ray’s crotch for his efforts. Ray: “YOU SOB!” The fans rightfully think this is awesome and there’s the running corner dropkick from Aries. He loads up the brainbuster but Spud rolls Aries up and pulls the trunks halfway off for the pin. The look of shock on Ray’s face is priceless.

Rating: A+. This was the funniest match I’ve seen in years and maybe even ever. They kept the joke going the entire time and had a WAY more entertaining match than they would have had if they played it straight. This is something WWE needs to learn from. Rather than just having a guy be designated as a comedy guy and having him do strange things while the commentators tell you it’s funny, this was four guys who can be funny BEING FUNNY.

Instead of just doing the same bits over and over again (like Young stripping or the Cobra), they did different stuff that we hadn’t seen before and had a very funny match as a result. Comedy can be done, but let these funny people come up with it themselves rather than having them perform something a writer came up with. If they were good enough actors/performers to do what a writer came up with, they would be in Hollywood making way more money.

This was a blast and a good lesson in how to do comedy wrestling. The tagline One Night Only applies here too: if they did this every week on TV it would stop being anywhere near as funny in like the third week. Do it every now and then instead of the same bits every week and it’ll work far better.

The following two matches are listed in different orders on various sites. This is the order they aired in on the version I have and I don’t think it makes any real difference.

Wolves vs. Beer Money

Eh sometimes it’s better to screw believability and just let two awesome teams have a match. Roode vs. Richards to get things going with a nice technical wrestling sequence. Bobby gets the better of it and cranks on a headlock but Edwards gets a blind tag and dropkicks Roode in the side of the head for two. Off to Storm who gets dropkicked down, allowing the Wolves to take over on the arm. Storm hadn’t turned heel when this was taped so the fans are way into him.

Back to Roode who gets headbutted into the corner and then forearmed in the face by Richards. Storm gets caught in the same corner and kicked down, giving us the gay sex position spot. Back up and Storm kicks the heck out of Richards from the apron and Beer Money takes over. A double back elbow gets two on Davey and we hit a chinlock with Storm’s knee in his back. In one of the few amusing bits of commentary all night, Tenay asks Taz about his time teaming with Raven. Taz: “What about Raven?” They also get into a discussion of how Taz is always commentating with guys named Mike.

Roode comes back in for a chinlock of his own but Davey easily fights up. We get one of the stupidest spots I’ve ever seen as Richards throws Roode to Storm, who catches Bobby in a front facelock for no apparent reason. Then Davey kicks Storm in the face, causing Storm to DDT Roode. Spots like that where they might as well draw you a picture that says “YEAH, WE PLANNED THIS BEFOREHAND” drive me crazy.

Davey finally makes the hot tag to Edwards who cleans house with chops in the corner. The reverse tornado DDT from Storm is countered into the over the shoulder Stunner for two. An enziguri into a German from Davey gets two on Storm with Roode making the save. Everything breaks down and Davey takes the Backstabber from James and a spinebuster from Bobby. Beer Money hits the double suplex and SHOUT THEIR NAMES. Edwards fights out of DWI though and Richards comes back in with a missile dropkick. Beer Money is sent to the floor for a double dive, followed by the top rope double stomp to Storm for the pin.

Rating: B. That’s probably a stretch. The match was good but it certainly wasn’t as great as you would expect from these teams. It made me think of the Hart Foundation vs. the Brainbusters back in 1989. It sounds amazing on paper but when you see it live it’s just a good but not really memorable match. Also it would have been a better choice to put Roode and Storm in the battle royal as they’re far more likely to win than either of the Wolves.

They shake hands post match.

Spud celebrates his win in the back and says he was the team captain. Ray comes in and Spud immediately shakes his hand and asks how the captain is doing. Ray: “YOUR HEAD WAS IN MY NUTS FOR HALF OF THE MATCH! IF YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN…..I’LL GIVE YOU A BIG OLD KISS BECAUSE WE WON!” Ray kisses Spud on the cheek and gives him a huge hug.

Aries says he’s speechless.

Kazarian/Curry Man vs. Eric Young/Ethan Carter III

For those of you that don’t remember, Curry Man is a masked man in red and yellow with a plate of curry on his head, based on an ad for curry in India. He’s usually played by Christopher Daniels and I believe he is here as well, even though you can see some hair sticking out of the back of the mask. It’s a brawl to start with Young and Curry Man being left alone in the ring. Curry and Young hug each other before slugging it out. They hug again then trade about six standing switches before hugging a third time.

Kaz gets sick of it and suggests a mid match change: Young and Curry Man team against Kaz and Carter. Apparently it’s going to be allowed but Eric and Curry Man stay on the apron. Carter rolls up Kaz for two but Eric makes the save, despite that not even being his original partner. The referee makes them go back to the original partners and more confusion ensues.

Carter finally chokes Curry Man to take over and a slam gets two. Young comes in to save Curry Man and gets yelled at by Ethan. “YOU’RE MY PARTNER!” Eric: “I KNOW IT SUCKS!” A clothesline puts Curry Man down for two and we hit the chinlock. Back up and it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down. Tags bring in Eric and Kaz and we get a crisscross. Young takes over with a flying forearm and a belly to belly as everything breaks down. Carter and Curry Man fight to the floor as Young rolls up Kaz for the pin.

Rating: C-. Not really even a match but it was one of the more bearable Eric Young comedy affairs that I can remember seeing. At least this time the story made sense and it wasn’t the same annoying Young stuff over and over again. It’s also a nice take on the random pairings idea which makes this easier to sit through.

Carter lays out Eric postmatch.

The Wolves are more excited about beating Beer Money than going to the gauntlet.

Abyss/Samuel Shaw vs. Zema Ion/Jesse Godderz

Godderz poses for Shaw to start but Abyss tags himself in to scare Jesse to death. Ion comes in and shouts BOOM a lot, much to Abyss’ annoyances. A cross body has no effect whatsoever and Abyss slams him down with one arm. About twenty chops from Ion have about the same effect and Abyss runs him over with a clothesline.

Off to Shaw who the fans call creepy. Back to Jesse who elbows Shaw in the face but gets slammed down with ease. Abyss tags himself back in to a nice reaction and cleans house on Godderz. Samuel turns his back on Abyss but gets dragged back into the ring. Godderz and Ion take over with some double teaming and a jawbreaker staggers Shaw. He takes time to go stare at Christy though, allowing Ion to hit a flip dive for two.

Zema misses a middle rope moonsault and it’s back to Abyss for some house cleaning. Jesse actually stops him with a clothesline but Shaw is busy going after Christy. He gets her in the corner and the referee just lets this happen, only to have Abyss make the save. Christy bails so Shaw hammers on his partner. That goes as well as you would expect but the Bro Mans actually knock Abyss to the floor. Shaw grabs the standing choke on Godderz for the submission a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. Nothing much to see here but at least they didn’t go for a third comedy match out of six. Shaw and Christy have a limited shelf life and hopefully it’s done after the latest gimmick match between Shaw and Anderson. Jesse and Ion were just there to bounce off Abyss and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Ethan Carter III takes credit for the win. Spud and Magnus (on the phone) come up and say that Dixie is proud. Magnus implies that they should let him win the gauntlet but after he leaves, Carter suggests that he should win. Spud thinks he might be the winner.

Lei’D Tapa/Gail Kim/Alpha Female vs. Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne/ODB

Just a filler here in an elimination match. Tapa imitates Velvet’s entrance to a ton of booing but Velvet calms the people down by doing it again. Sky charges at Tapa but is lifted in the air for a choke. Off to Gail for a clothesline but she gets caught by Madison’s mat humper. Gail spanks Tapa for some reason and yells at her for not having her back. The announcers talk about having spotted dick at lunch today and the match just keeps going.

Alpha comes in for a slam and some forearms to Madison’s chest. She misses a bad looking splash though and it’s back to Velvet who finally knocks Alpha down. Madison and Gail fight to the floor as Velvet bulldogs Alpha down. Chris Sabin comes out to distract the referee though and gets in an argument with Velvet. Sky low bridges him to the floor, kicks Alpha in the head and hits In Yo Face for the elimination.

Gail rolls Velvet up for a fast pin but the referee is with Sabin and misses Madison spearing Gail down. Tapa runs Madison over for an easy pin and we’re down to Gail/Tapa vs. ODB. The numbers game quickly catch up to her but Gail wants to get the glory. Tapa gets tired of it and shoves Gail into a rollup to get us down to one on one. Gail nails Tapa and ODB hits the Bam for the final pin.

Rating: D. There was no reason at all for this to be elimination rules. There were a few too many things going on here but they still could have wrapped the whole thing up in a single fall. It also doesn’t help that all of these stories have already been wrapped up two months before this show aired.

Gauntlet Battle Royal

Basically it’s a Royal Rumble with two minute intervals and the winner getting $100,000. We start with Davey vs. Eddie because that’s how random draws work. Feeling out process to start until the start slugging it out with strikes. Davey gets the better of it with his kicks until Samuel Shaw is in at #3. The Wolves actually keep fighting until Shawn breaks it up and chokes Edwards in the corner.

Edwards comes back with some chops and the Wolves start double teaming. Davey sends Shaw into a running knee to the face but here’s Rockstar Spud at #4. His strategy: kick Shaw low and wrap himself around the ropes for dear life. The Wolves lock eyes onto Spud before splitting up and stomping on both Spud and Shaw. Spud tries to eliminate Shaw by himself as the Wolves just chuckle from the corner. Shaw comes back with a crotch claw and here’s Douglas Williams at #5.

Spud keeps switching ropes to hold onto as we get into the standard battle royal formula of people pairing off and brawling against the ropes without trying to eliminate each other. The Wolves drop Douglas with a double back elbow as Spud is running out of places to hide. Abyss is in at #6 as these times are very suspect. He clotheslines everyone in sight, which doesn’t include Spud who has disappeared. Abyss easily tosses out Edwards and Davey suffers the same fate about fifteen seconds later. There goes Williams and we’re down to Abyss and Shaw on their feet. There’s a Black Hole Slam to set up the elimination as Spud tries to sneak up on Abyss. The monster chokes him up against the ropes as Bully Ray is in at #7.

Spud tries to interfere again but gets thrown over. He hangs on and skins the cat though, only to fall down when trying a double clothesline. Ray and Abyss have the real fight with Abyss nailing the chokeslam. Ray is right back up though as Spud shakes the ropes like the Warrior. A cross body has no effect either but here’s Eric Young at #8 to distract from Spud’s ineptness.

Eric hammers away on everyone in sight but Ray fights back. The Bully scares Spud to the floor but under the bottom rope so everyone is still in. Ray yells at Spud for not helping him get rid of Eric and here’s Ethan Carter III at #9. Eric goes right for him but Spud gets in a few shots from behind to give Ethan control. Spud tries to jump Bully again and gets shouted down into the corner. The five guys in the ring don’t do much else until Bad Bones comes in at #10.

Bones slugs away at everyone in sight which fits his brawling style. Again this goes nowhere until Samoa Joe is in at #11. Much like everyone else, Joe hammers away on everyone in sight upon entering the ring. A nice suplex puts Carter down before Joe settles in on Bad Bones. That doesn’t last long as Joe easily backdrops Bones out and it’s off to Joe vs. Bully. Spud actually eliminates Bully on his own but Joe wacks Spud in the head to put him on the mat.

Magnus comes out to give us a final grouping of Magnus, Joe, Spud, Abyss, Carter and Young. Joe and Magnus immediately go at it with Joe getting the early advantage but getting low bridged out to the floor to get us down to five. Abyss gets gang eliminated but Spud charges at Young and flies over the ropes to the floor. Eric dropkicks both Carter and Magnus down as things speed up. He gets both of them up for something resembling a double Death Valley Driver but gets crotched on the top and punched out by Magnus. Carter uses the distraction to eliminate Magnus for the win.

Rating: D+. This was almost every battle royal that they’ve ever had on this series. At the end of the day there’s only so much you can do with a show like this as battle royals only have so many stories available. Spud was funny and him eliminating Ray put a good cap on their events, but this show exists in a vacuum so it’s not like this is going to mean anything long term.

Carter gets the money to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was one of the more entertaining One Night Onlys but it wasn’t great throughout. The Ray/Spud tag match was one of the most entertaining matches I’ve seen in years and the Beer Money vs. Wolves match was a very solid match in its own right. The one thing that sticks out to me more than anything though is how different this was from Impact.

Matches had time to play out, there were no swerves or heel authority figures dominating things, and no randomly thrown in gimmicks. It was VERY nice for a change and a good example of what TNA is capable of when they stop taking themselves so freaking seriously. Compare this to Sacrifice where a total of nothing happened and the show was horribly boring.

Also, the fact that this was $15 for the HD version is a big factor. For $15, this was a very solid way to spend two and a half hours watching wrestling, especially if you need a break from the WWE Network. The whole series of shows is far better than anything else you get from TNA and are actually worth checking out if you have nothing better to do.

Results
British Invasion b. Gunner/Chris Sabin – Top rope elbow to Sabin
Samoa Joe/Bad Bones b. Robbie E./Christopher Daniels – Muscle Buster to Daniels
Rockstar Spud/Bully Ray b. Mr. Anderson/Austin Aries – Rollup to Aries
Wolves b. Beer Money – Top rope double stomp to Storm
Eric Young/Ethan Carter III b. Curry Man/Kazarian – Rollup to Kazarian
Abyss/Samuel Shaw b. Jesse Godderz/Zema Ion – Standing choke to Godderz
ODB/Velvet Sky/Madison Rayne b. Alpha Female/Gail Kim/Lei’D Tapa – Bam to Tapa
Ethan Carter III won a battle royal last eliminating Magnus

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