Smackdown
Date: December 16, 2011
Location: RBC Center, Raleigh, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

It’s the final show before TLC and I’m only kind of looking forward to the show. I don’t know if it’s the lack of anything resembling an awesome heel or what, but I can’t get fired up for this show at all. It’s not just me as I’ve heard that WWE is expecting it to do awful business. Either way, this should be an ok show as Smackdown is almost guaranteed to be anymore. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is the global warming due to it being in the fifties in the middle of December.

Big Show faces Jack Swagger tonight. Is there a reason for that? Was Long mad at Henry or something? Also Barrett/Ziggler vs. Ryder/Orton.

We open with Booker T being brought out to be interviewed by Josh. Booker asks the fans if he looks ready. He was ready to become a commentator but Cody had to make things physical. Booker refuses to become a legitimizer for Cody. He hasn’t thought about returning to the ring full time, but he’ll cross that bridge when he wins the title. Cue Cody who says that on Sunday we might see some nostalgia and maybe even a rush of offense that makes people say Booker is back.

If it was a movie, Booker would win and Cody would leave in disgrace. But this isn’t a movie. What’s going to happen when Booker’s legs give out and Booker falls to Cody? Booker wants to know how Cody feels about the reality of him beating Cody up right now. Cody is facing Bryan tonight and if Booker interferes again, he’ll lose his title match and Cody will work to get him suspended. Booker needs to get out of the ring so Cody can show him how legitimate he already is, sucka. Great promo from Cody.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

Booker gets in on commentary and Bryan still has bad ribs. Booker even apologizes for interfering in the previous two matches. Bryan goes for a quick LeBell Lock but Cody hits the floor. We take a break and come back with Bryan holding a headlock. Here’s a surfboard attempt but Bryan just rams Cody’s knees into the mat instead. To the apron and Cody suplexes Bryan to the floor in a good looking bump.

Cody works on the bad ribs as Cole runs down Booker. Booker says he’ll defend the title if he wins it, implying he’ll be back full time. Bryan gets in some kicks but Cody takes him down again for two. Bryan gets some rollups for some far falls. He hits something for two but we had the camera on Booker instead of the ring so I have no idea what he used.

Here are the kicks in the corner but Cody gets a foot up to break up the charge. Bryan tries a belly to back superplex but Cody floats on top for two. The ribs on Bryan are starting to take their toll on his offense as they exchange rollups into the Cross Rhodes for the pin for Cody at 5:46 shown of 9:16.

Rating: C+. These two have decent chemistry together and this was another example of it. Having Cole and Booker argue the whole time was annoying and took away from the match, but at least they were talking about the feud at hand and not something stupid like Twitter or whatever else they can waste their time with. Good match but it needed more time to really become something special.

Alicia Fox vs. Natalya

Nattie brings out the tissues which isn’t working as well as the screaming CRY at other Divas. Josh tells us that Kelly, Eve and Alicia will be blogging for Perez Hilton. I’m trying to care even less than I do and it’s just not working. Natalya works on the ribs but Alicia gets a small package for the pin at 1:01. Correction: I’ve found something I care about even less than the Hilton thing.

Alicia pulled some of the extensions out of Natalya’s hair. Alicia says she just got out foxed. Oh geez. Natalya charges in post match so Alicia tries a spinning legdrop, hitting Natalya right on the forehead. And she’s going to get pushed isn’t she?

We look at the video of the nominees for Pipe Bomb of the Year. At least this was funny.

Swagger says he’ll win tonight. Henry comes up and says if Swagger hurts Big Show, he’ll get a title shot. Swagger says he’ll hurt Big Show, but for himself, not for Henry. He says Henry is losing on Sunday and that he’ll win the title in the future. He really is sounding more like a face every week, which would be the best thing that could happen to him.

Usos vs. Primo/Epico

When I say the Usos should be on TV more, I don’t mean jobbing to the latest Hispanic team. At least I get my Siva Tao and to look at Rosa Mendes. So is Hunico gone? The Usos take over on Epico to start and Booker says the Usos remind him of Harlem Heat. Off to Primo who hammers on I believe Jey. After a chinlock he fights back and Booker says he’s not in his own Fave Five. Everything breaks down and Jey hits a superkick to Primo. He loads up the splash but Rosa distracts him, allowing a Backstabber to get the pin at 2:59. This was fine.

To hype up Swagger vs. Show, they show a clip of a match from July of 2010. Seriously?

Jack Swagger vs. Big Show

Swagger even does the push-ups so you know he’s serious. Almost immediately Henry comes out with a chair in hand. Swagger tries to jump Big Show but it doesn’t work that well for him. Jack takes out the leg but it doesn’t exactly last that long. After a brief beating on the floor, Show chops away in the corner. Henry is sitting in the aisle in the chair.

All Big Show here as this is more of an exhibition for Henry than anything else. Notice something Big Show does here: the telling the crowd to be silent for the chops. The chop gets a big pop for that and a part of that is due to him talking to the crowd. Think back to guys like Hogan, Sting, Austin, Rock, Flair etc. They all got huge reactions and they all directly talked to the crowd, be it through shouting at them, talking to fans in the front row, asking their approval for something etc. It’s an old standard and it still works today. Fans like being involved in the show, even in tiny ways like that.

Swagger gets in a shoulder to the knee and the Vader Bomb gets no cover. The second one gets two but Show fires him off like he’s nothing. Show starts his comeback despite barely being in trouble. Swagger rolls through the chokeslam into the ankle lock and Show is in trouble. After being in the hold over 30 seconds, Show kicks him off, pops up and kills Swagger dead with the WMD at 5:47.

Rating: C+. This was way better than I was expecting at all. Swagger got in some offense here and the match was actually somewhat competitive. He needs to turn face soon though because he’s floundered so much for the past year and a half. There’s no personality to him and that could be said for most of the heels on the roster. A turn and a Kurt Angle style character for him could work very well.

Henry blasts Swagger and a production guy with the chair post match.

Ryder comes up to Orton in the back and wants to know if they’re on the same page. Orton says no. Same book? Maybe. Ryder is very happy for that and fist pumps. He leaves and Orton almost looks disturbed. Funny segment and it only lasted like 20 seconds.

Ted DiBiase vs. Heath Slater

Cole rants about the DiBiase Posse stuff before the match. I’d go to one of those if there was a show in Lexington. Slater slaps him in the face and DiBiase goes off, sending him to the floor and hammering away. Slater takes over back in the ring and hits a forearm off the top for two. He comes off the middle rope and jumps into an atomic drop. The following clothesline leads to Dream Street for the pin at 3:09.

Rating: D+. DiBiase is getting a nice little push lately but I’d kind of like for it to go somewhere. He’s done the same stuff for weeks now and I’d certainly hope the Mahal feud isn’t the highlight of his push. The Posse thing is a decent idea and it gives him something to do. Not a horrible match and Slater gets to job even more which is really all he’s good at anymore.

Mahal comes in and beats down DiBiase post match. Since he’s Indian he uses a camel clutch. Teddy comes out and says break it up. If Mahal wants a match, he can fight Sheamus.

Jinder Mahal vs. Sheamus

Very nice pop for Sheamus. Sheamus works on the arm to start until Mahal pounds away on him a bit. Sheamus is like screw that and hits a big elbow to put Jinder back down. The forearms to the chest don’t work and we get a chase scene on the floor. Now the forearms hit but with Sheamus on the apron instead of in the ring. Slingshot shoulder gets two. Cole says Mahal kind of floats. Odd description but ok then. A swinging neckbreaker gets two for Mahal and he hooks a chinlock. Sheamus wakes up and hits his signature stuff and the Brogue Kick is good for the win at 3:50.

Rating: C. Pretty much just an extended squash here. Mahal got in some offense for a change but it’s not like Sheamus was ever in any real danger. Jinder hasn’t done anything since he and Khali split and Sheamus is kind of just waiting around to be the next guy to challenge Henry once Show gets done with him I’d assume. Not a bad match here but really just a way to get Sheamus on the show.

Video on the Slammys eat up some time. Cole won another from WWE.com for Most Regrettable Ring Attire for when he dressed as HHH.

Video on HHH vs. Nash which is happening for some reason that we’re still waiting on. I know the storyline but why is this match happening period? Nash isn’t going to be anything full time (for the love of all things good and holy I hope not at least) and HHH is probably going to face Taker at Mania given what he said on Monday, so I don’t get the point in these two having a featured match on Sunday. I guess it’s because he’s HHH.

Randy Orton/Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler/Wade Barrett

No complaints about putting two feuds together into one match. A second coming video interrupts Orton’s entrance. I’ve heard a few answers for this and one is more interesting than the other. It’ll likely be Jericho though. Ziggler vs. Ryder starts us off. Ryder takes over with punches and a flapjack. Off to Orton who slows things way down and does the Garvin Stomp.

Back to Ryder who Ziggler beats up so he can’t tag in Orton again to bore us to tears. Now Barrett comes in to beat up Ryder for awhile. Orton gets a tag so Barrett bails quickly. We’re waiting on the big showdown between them here. Orton focuses on Barrett too much though and Ziggler gets in a shot to take over. The backbreaker is broken up so Ryder comes in to send Ziggler to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Orton pounding Ziggler in the corner. The jumping knee drop gets two. Ziggler gets in a single shot and falls into the corner so Barrett can come in. A big boot puts Barrett down and Orton is in trouble. Ziggler hammers on him and gets two. Orton gets a belly to back suplex on Barrett and there’s the moderately hot tag to Ryder. Ryder gets the knee up in the corner and the Broski Boot (BIG pop for the fist pump) but Ziggler breaks up the Rough Ryder.

Ziggler kicks out of a rollup and hooks a half crab on Ryder. Back to Barrett for a chinlock. They’re going through the motions very badly here. It’s not a bad match but it’s as basic of a tag match as it could possibly be. Wasteland is countered into a DDT to put both guys down. There’s the real hot tag to Orton who cleans house. Snap powerslam puts Ziggy down as does the over the shoulder neckbreaker. Ryder and Barrett go to the floor and Ziggler misses the Fameasser so the RKO can end him at 11:53 shown of 15:23.

Rating: C. Average is the perfect thing to call this match. It wasn’t a bad match or anything and I’d have been fine with this being the main event of a house show. They advanced both feuds which is the right idea but I would have liked to see something between Orton vs. Barrett. Decent main event but it’s absolutely nothing special at all.

Overall Rating: C. Not a terrible show and they plugged the majority of TLC”s matches just fine, but at the same time I wasn’t exactly thrilled by watching it. I think the problem is that TLC is just a dull looking show overall. It feels like a show that is there with a bunch of gimmick matches on it because the calendar says that it’s time for a show with a bunch of gimmick matches on it. There’s no real heat on most of the matches and it’ll probably end with a show that is fine but not particularly interesting at the same time.

Results
Cody Rhodes b. Daniel Bryan – Cross Rhodes
Alicia Fox b. Natalya – Small Package
Epico/Primo b. Usos – Backstabber to Jey
Big Show b. Jack Swagger – WMD
Ted DiBiase b. Heath Slater – Dream Street
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
Randy Orton/Zack Ryder b. Wade Barrett/Dolph Ziggler – RKO to Ziggler

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Smackdown
Date: December 9, 2011
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

We’re back to Fridays again after what I thought was a very good holiday show. It seems I was in the minority on that but that tends to be the case most of the time with this show. It should be another decent one as we close in on both TLC as well as the end of the year. I don’t remember any matches being announced but that’s not to abnormal. Let’s get to it.

We open with Booker T down near the entrance. Cody Rhodes is standing near him and we get a clip from before the show went on the air of Booker getting beaten down by Cody. I guess we’ll be having a two man commentary team tonight.

Lillian Garcia is back and I think I’d rather look at her than Chimmel. Cody cuts her off and says no one cares that she’s back and no one noticed that she left. It matches the departure of one Booker T. He hopes that he made his message clear tonight. Cody is going to take Booker’s place tonight (Cody: “Who else is going to talk about a Fave Five with eleven people in it?”).

There are tables, ladders and chairs all around ringside. I mean in addition to the usual chairs that are around ringside in the audience that is.

Tonight there’s going to be a Beat the Clock Challenge between Barrett and Orton. The idea is both of them will have a match and both will be timed. Whoever wins their match in the fastest time will get to pick the kind of match they have at TLC: tables, ladders or chairs.

Wade Barrett vs. Ezekiel Jackson

If Jackson wins here then all Orton has to do is win his match later. He takes over to start as Cody talks about how awesome he is. Barrett hits a front legged chopblock and sends Jackson shoulder first into the post. His hair is all wild again so you know he means business. Cole and Cody suck each other off a bit as Barrett takes over with his usual stuff like the pumphandle.

We take a break and come back with Barrett holding a chinlock. It’s nice having that clock there to keep time for me. Jackson breaks the hold and fires back with clotheslines in the corner and Barrett is covering up. Here come the slams but Barrett escapes the Rack. Wasteland can’t hit but the Bossman Slam ends this at 7:53. That was refreshing to see: a secondary move ending a match.

Rating: C-. Not a great match or anything but I almost always enjoy Barrett’s in ring work. He uses some stuff that isn’t very common but it’s nothing that makes him look too over the top. More people could easily do this and I have no idea why they don’t. Jackson is a guy I don’t see being around that often as he’s pretty just just a jobber to the stars anymore, which is about where you would expect him.

Barrett says Orton is the only thing standing in his way of the world title, and that doesn’t mean anything as he’s inside Orton’s head as opposed to Orton being in everyone else’s head. The voice in Barrett’s head is saying Orton is out of time.

Show vs. Henry is officially a chairs match, which is the only match that really makes sense for them.

Otunga complains about being in the street fight last week because he’s part of the Raw roster. Otunga tells Teddy that the loss should be expunged from his record. Teddy agrees but says that Otunga is subject to the whim of the authority figure. Since Otunga is here tonight, he’s going to compete against someone Teddy has been looking for an opponent for: Sheamus.

Josh is in the ring and brings out Daniel Bryan. His ribs are taped up due to the cage match last week. He says he’s very sore but what hurt worse was the disappointment of letting everyone down. Everything he had ever wanted was right in front of him and he let it slip away. Cole cuts him off as he starts to tell a story about his dad and goes on a rant about how Bryan never earned anything. Bryan points at Cody and says he made him tap to earn his shot. Cole says Bryan should go away so here comes Bryan after Cole. Cody blasts Bryan and referees break it up. Cole working with Cody? I’m not sure how I feel about that.

After a break, Cody vs. Bryan is announced for later.

Zack Ryder vs. Heath Slater

Remember the bad reaction Ryder got Monday? It’s made up for here. No entrance for Slater. Ok so a lot of that is canned but there was definitely a reaction for him. Slater takes him down for a few seconds but the Broski Boot and Rough Ryder end this at 1:25.

Ted DiBiase vs. Jinder Mahal

Thank goodness this isn’t on PPV. Cole freaks out over the DiBiase Posse thing. Mahal dominates to start and there’s no Cody anymore on commentary which I forgot to mention. You can always tell when the crowd doesn’t care because you can hear the referee talking. The jingoistic fans chant USA while Cole doesn’t want to talk because he’s mad at Matthews for some reason or another. Mahal hits some jumping knees to the face and then gets rolled up for the pin at 2:54. This was REALLY bad.

We get a clip from some music awards where Big Show chokeslammed country singer Trace Adkins through a table.

After a break Big Show is in the ring. He talks about how nine years ago, he beat Brock Lesnar in Madison Square Garden for the WWE Title. People said that was impossible but he did it. He thinks nine years is long enough time for him to do the impossible again and beat Mark Henry for the title. With all the chairs they’ll have around the ring and the people in there, the physics say it has to get mean and nasty. At TLC, the Hall of Pain gets closed.

Here’s Henry who says he’s half hurt. His ankle is still hurt but he didn’t tape it so he’s not looking for a fight. He yells at a fan to shut up so the fans chant at him to shut up. Henry wants to say something to Show’s face but wants a promise that Show won’t put his hands on him. Show thinks about it really hard and says no. Henry seems to be trying to get out of the match by saying that it won’t mean anything if Show beats an injured man. He asks for the courtesy of Show not putting his hands on him if he gets in. Show finally relents and Henry gets in.

Henry gets in and says he’s the champion. In two weeks at TLC he should be 100%. Then why did he bring up the beating an injured man thing earlier? Henry says people will talk about this fight for decades. Mark asks to let bygones be bygones and may the best man win. He extends his hand which Show shakes reluctantly. Henry goes to leave but stops. He says Show thinks he’s (Show) a monster. Show just thinks it, but Henry really is and the fight is on. Show drops an elbow on the leg and Henry bails so Show goes after him. He gets a chair and cracks Henry in the back and leg with it.

Sheamus vs. David Otunga

Hornswoggle is the guest ring announcer. Josh asks a great question: if Otunga is so smart, why does he keep coming here and talking himself into situations he can’t get out of? I love stupid heels. Otunga is officially Johnny Ace’s assistant. Otunga tries to take him down early and Sheamus is like “no boyo.” He powers David around and hits the ten forearms to the chest. Otunga gets in the required jobber offense and Sheamus does the freaky eyed smile. Powerslam and Brogue Kick end this at 2:57. Just a squash.

Horny and Sheamus celebrate and we cut to the Second Coming video.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

The video is ignored again. Bryan fires off kicks to start but Cody breaks it up with an elbow to the ribs. A release gordbuster gets two. Why is it so hard for people to focus on an injured body part? If you were in a real fight and you saw someone with a bunch of bandages around a body part, where would you aim? Cole goes on another rant and again it makes me roll my eyes.

Bryan gets knocked to the floor into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Cody holding Bryan in an abdominal stretch. Cody starts ripping the tape off and Cole talks about fearing for his personal safety earlier. Bryan sends him to the floor and tries the suicide dive, which really is just him shoving Cody out of the way. Bryan crashes into the barricade again with much more impact than Cody’s landing had. Cole, correctly this time, calls Rhodes an idiot.

Rhodes gets back in but Bryan is getting fired up on the floor. Here come the kicks. Why would you get on your knees in a match with Daniel Bryan? It’s just not going to end well for you no matter what you do. A running dropkick in the corner sets up a top rope splash attempt but Rhodes moves, sending the bad ribs into the mat again. And here’s Booker for the DQ at 5:56 shown of 9:26.

Rating: C. This was getting good by the end and I wanted to see where it was going. The ending makes sense but it’s kind of a disappointment. However, it was the right way to go as Bryan is getting pushed hard now and you don’t want the IC Champion to lose either, so having it go this way is the right call. Decent match, disappointing (though understandable) ending.

Booker gets the better of the brawl and Cody runs.

Aksana and Teddy are in the back when Cody interferes. He wants a match with Booker so Teddy makes it for TLC for the title. It’s about time he defended the thing. Aksana stares at Cody as he leaves.

Orton says if you want to know his thoughts, ask Barrett. He’s thinking that Barrett did Ziggler (Orton’s opponent tonight) a favor because Orton won’t be able to make the suffering last as long as he usually does. He says he has Barrett exactly where he wants him.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is strange. I read the spoilers for this show and there was a Divas tag taped for it and there’s no sign of it anywhere here. The show is about as long as it usually is and there’s nothing to indicate that anything is missing. I had heard that the Australian broadcast of the show had the post match angle of it cut but the entire match is missing here. Strange indeed. Then again they’re the Divas so who cares?

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

Orton has to win in under 7:53. No Swagger with Dolph here. Orton hits a pair of dropkicks and gets three near falls in the first thirty seconds. Dolph stomps away in the corner but Randy stops him cold, hitting the knee drop for two. Six minutes left. Ziggler kicks him in the knee and hits a Fameasser for two. Off to something like a cobra clutch with five minutes left.

A DDT gets two as Dolph is going slowly here, which is perfectly fine for the thinking of this match. Back to a chinlock with four minutes to go. Neckbreaker for two and the clock is running down. Ziggler takes forever getting up top and is crotched with three minutes left. A big superplex by Orton gets two. With a little over two minutes to go Orton starts his finishing sequence.

Two minutes left and Orton hits the backbreaker. Ziggler tries to run but gets caught in the Elevated DDT for two with 70 seconds left. Dolph rolls to the floor and Barrett slips behind Orton and sends him into the post with about 40 seconds left. Orton is outside with 15 seconds to go. And the RKO hits for the pin at 7:51 and two seconds left.

Rating: C-. Really didn’t like this one because of the time thing. It hurts a lot when you know the match isn’t going to break eight minutes and we’re all just waiting on the RKO to hit with about 8 seconds left. It’s not horrible but when you get used to these two stealing the show, this is really pretty disappointing by comparison.

Post match Barrett beats Orton down some more and says he has a suggestion for the match. He sets up Wasteland through a table but Orton escapes. Barrett runs and Orton makes it a table match. Ziggler goes through it instead.

Overall Rating: C. I really wasn’t feeling this one tonight. A lot got added to the PPV but it felt like they were doing this blindfolded. I can’t put my finger on it but things felt like they were off by a step all night. It’s not a bad show, but this is definitely one of their weaker entries in a very long time. Like I said though, a lot was added to the PPV and that’s what counts. I just wish getting there had been a little better.

Results
Wade Barrett b. Ezekiel Jackson – Bossman Slam
Zack Ryder b. Heath Slater – Rough Ryder
Ted DiBiase b. Jinder Mahal – Small Package
Sheamus b. David Otunga – Brogue Kick
Cody Rhodes b. Daniel Bryan via disqualification when Booker T interfered
Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – RKO

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The Bash 2009
Date: June 28, 2009
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 11,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Jim Ross, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

Not a lot to say on this one. The main event is HHH vs. Randy Orton in a 3 Stages of Hell match for the title. This got a lot of ranting because it was more of the same two guys for like the 5th PPV in a row. We also have Punk vs. Hardy for the title and something I’m most interested in as Cena fights Miz. Miz had come to Raw in the draft and started imitating Cena in some hilarious stuff. Cena ignored him but is finally accepting the challenge here tonight. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about the main matches including Jericho vs. Mysterio in a mask vs. title match which I forgot to mention. Of course the most is about HHH vs. Orton but that’s expected I guess.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry vs. Finlay

This is a Scramble match which is more or less a gauntlet. Every three minutes someone else comes in and whoever gets the final pin is champion but you have to pin the champion for the pin to count. Uh…sure. Christian and Swagger start us off. Wow it’s weird to see Swagger as champion before Christian. I miss the pushups.

Ok so if Swagger pins Christian he’s IT more or less? I guess that makes sense. I’m assuming that there will be a clock once everyone comes in. Striker implies a heel turn for Christian but nothing ever came for that. The clock begins far before three minutes is up and it’s Finlay. Striker talks about Irishmen from centuries ago as no one cares at all. Swagger pokes Finlay in the eye and rolls him up to become IT.

Christian and Swagger do a nice little sequence that gets two for the Canadian. He beats Christian down as Dreamer is number four. Dreamer beats up everyone with incredibly basic stuff but throws out a Sky High. Ok apparently it’s not Swagger that has to lose the title as it’s just the last pin. Uh…that kind of makes sense I suppose.

They blow a spot where Christian is on the mat and Dreamer gets thrown onto him. It just looked really awkward. Finlay finally comes back to life and hits the Celtic Cross on Swagger to become IT. Finlay and Dreamer don’t work well together to put it mildly. And here’s Henry to suck the life out of the match. Ok so now we have five minutes left and whoever gets the last fall is champion. Got it.

Dreamer takes the World’s Worst Finisher with 4:15 to make Henry IT. Everyone not named Dreamer beats Henry up and the people start booing for some reason. Finlay hits a freaking suicide dive onto Swagger. Have to love old men flying all over the place. Henry teases a top rope dive but for the sake of the gravitational pull, Swagger saves him and gets the pin to become it with about 2:20 to go.

I like knowing how much longer to go at times and this is one of them. Christian hits the Killswitch on Swagger but Dreamer DDTs him at 1:20 to become IT. It becomes a big mess now which makes sense at least. On instinct Dreamer goes for a cover which they don’t point out the stupidity of. Everyone goes for covers but the clock runs out and Dreamer retains. He screams “I WON???” in a funny moment.

Rating: C+. These matches are hard to call but I liked it. Thankfully they haven’t killed them by having them every two weeks or something like that. This still feels fresh though and it comes off as a good way to be different. Also it makes Dreamer look like a competent champion and not a jobber which I can’t complain about. This worked but was still a little bit weird.

Cena/Vince razor commercial. Be careful: cutting hair off your face could be un-PG.

Edge comes to see Teddy Long and complains about not being on the card. Somehow this takes like two minutes.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio

And if Rey loses he has to unmask forever….again. Does anyone else think some of Rey’s masks look like Klansmen hoods? This feud more or less brought the title back to life as it was the wrestler’s title again instead of just a stupid prop for guys like Santino. We’re told Rey has never wrestled a match without his mask and then are told he had to earn it after he started wrestling. I love continuity issues in WWE.

Jericho goes straight for the mask which is a very nice touch as instead of just trying to beat him he’s being pure evil and trying to humiliate and end Rey. I love that. Jericho does that slingshot into the bottom rope which is a nice move. All Jericho so far. He hooks a crossface chickenwing of all things which is a nice throwback.

You can tell these two have a lot of chemistry as they’re flowing very well. It’s odd hearing Ross clearly getting ticked off so easily as it’s clear he’s not liking having to more or less mentor Grisham when he thinks he should be the top guy. Jericho shouts at the referee to ASK HIM. Nicely done. Aww that’s so cute: they still think Rey won the Rumble and the world title. It never ceases to amaze me how they can’t tell him apart from Eddie. They look nothing alike.

Rey hits a seated senton to the floor but might have hurt his knee. He’s finally on offense though as he’d been dominated for about 6 minutes or so. Jericho catches a springboard into a powerslam. It’s always cool when wrestlers use something different than their usual stuff. You’re allowed to mix it up at times and it makes things better when you do so. Allegedly Rey has always been the smaller guy in every match he’s ever had. That’s not surprisingly actually.

Jericho gets the Walls, more or less guaranteeing a lack of a submission. When’s the last time he won a match with that? And shockingly enough Rey gets to the ropes. That move has less heat than Vickie’s vagina. 619 misses and Jericho takes his head off with a clothesline. He then blocks a rana into a powerbomb.

Rey has gotten blocked every single time here and it’s been great. Lionsault misses and I mean actually misses instead of him landing on his feet. Codebreaker gets two as the crowd is WAY into this and for good reason. Jericho and Rey go up top and Jericho just kind of falls backwards. Uh, ok? 619 hits but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Walls again. And of course they don’t work as we get a pinfall reversal sequence.

In a GREAT ending that throws back to the Extreme Rules match, Jericho rips the mask off again but Rey has ANOTHER mask on underneath so while Jericho is expecting him to stop dead he keeps going to hit the 619 and springboard splash for the IC Title. THAT is what I mean when I say great storytelling and psychology.

Rating: A+. This was a VERY well booked match that I’d bet a large sum of money on Jericho and Rey planning the majority of. The ending there was downright inspired and showed Rey outsmarting Jericho and capitalizing on it. The match being awesome helped a lot too as these two just can go out there and nail it every time with this being no exception. Screw it this is an A+.

We recap Trump buying Raw and having the commercial free Raw and tricking Vince into paying into giving him back his original money back doubled. That’s a great deal. This also started the guest host concept.

HHH is getting ready.

Jericho wants his rematch RIGHT NOW. Long says in a month it’ll be five years as GM. That’s insane when you think about how many GMs Raw has had and how Bischoff is the longest reigning one.

We recap Dolph Ziggler vs. Great Khali, which more or less is Ziggler trying to get noticed and continuously hurting Khali with a chair or winning by countout or something like that.

Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is a street fight for all intents and purposes. I love Runjin Singh. His sideburns have powers I think. Ziggler’s music is perfect. Actually make that perfection. Also he’s apparently moved from Hollywood, Florida to Hollywood, California. His look is great until his hair gets all puffy and then he looks like Curt Hennig which is a compliment.

Of course Ziggler gets beaten down early, including taking the chop that pinned Cena back in 07 or so but since Khali is a jobber to the stars now it’s just a regular move. Khali is just scary huge. I’ve seen him live and he’s absolutely massive. And then he chops the post to get himself in trouble. Dolph grabs a chair which is fine here and he wisely goes for the knee. At least he’s thinking.

We get the bowling shoe analogy about Khali and I roll my eyes. He’s 7’4 and 450lbs. What the heck are you expecting him to do? And here comes Kane for no adequately explained reason. Ziggler beats the heck out of Khali’s knee as Kane is coming and then Kane goes semi-Austin at Mania 17 on Khali. And then Ziggler gets the pin. This went nowhere.

Rating: D+. It’s your standard David vs. Goliath here and that’s all it was supposed to be. The key thing here is that Ziggler has a huge win by pinfall that in this match is perfectly legal. He’s never really gotten a big push, but he started feuding with Rey just after this so that’s something I guess.

Vince comes in to talk to Teddy and says he’s done nothing as GM. Apparently even Adamle was a better GM. The thing about Long is that he’s the only GM other than maybe Bischoff that seems like an actual bureaucrat which is what a GM is supposed to be. He’s an authority figure, not a fighter. I like him but that’s just me.

12 Rounds is coming to DVD.

Unified Tag Titles: Colons vs. Legacy

There’s something VERY sexy about the way Lillian says Carlito. The Colons are faces here and we’re on Legacy’s 9th theme song this month I believe, although they would wind up keeping this one permanently I believe. And here’s Teddy Long. He makes it a triple threat match, adding in the new team of Chris Jericho and Edge.

Unified Tag Titles: Edge/Chris Jericho vs. Colons vs. Legacy

The original two teams won’t let Jericho and Edge in to start which is a nice bit of thinking. Carlito and Ted start and Carlito does a gorgeous moonsault off the top. The team that speaks Spanish has the belts here. They’re trying to keep Edge and Jericho out of the ring, I’m assuming betting they’ll win if they get in, which is kind of odd for faces to be all scared like that. I think the fans are chanting for Christian of all people.

This is similar to the Horsemen/Dungeon of Doom match from Bash at the Beach 96 where Benoit and Anderson knew the Giant would destroy them if he came in so they wouldn’t let him in. It made sense and this does as well. Primo gets a nice rollup on Rhodes for two. It’s so strange hearing Orton talked about as being so hated a mere year ago and 9 months before he was the hottest thing in the world. Cody hooks an inverted Gory Special that looks awesome.

The fans love Edge here which is rather odd indeed. Jericho takes Primo out with a Codebreaker and we have Edge vs. fired guy. Carlito misses it though and Rhodes gets a backstabber. A spear gives the Canadians the belts after being in the match all of 20 seconds combined. As I type that, Lawler says it. At least I wasn’t imagining it.

Rating: B. While the wrestling wasn’t anything spectacular, the thought process here was perfect. They planned this one out very well and it made perfect sense which is a great thing in my eyes. They knew they couldn’t stop Edge or Jericho so they kept them out as long as they could. That’s smart booking and it worked just fine.

Ad for Night of Champions, which we’ve already done.

Orton yells at Legacy for losing the title match but says the important thing is keeping the WWE Title. DiBiase gets on Orton for not caring about them.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Melina vs. Michelle McCool

Melina was just freaking stunning at this point once she dyed her hair black. Michelle was getting there too and she has Alicia with her here for reasons that I’m sure don’t mean anything. For some reason I like Michelle’s music. Melina comes out hot. And she’s being intense too. Michelle can actually work pretty well.

She hooks a hold where Melina’s foot is touching Melina’s head from behind. DANG that girl is flexible. Ok five minutes have passed but I’m back now. Melina’s knee is hurt of course as it always is. Michelle kicks her head off for two. That sounded very painful indeed. Styles Clash gives Michelle the title.

Rating: C-. It did its job. This was just supposed to be an appetizer to the remainder of the show and that’s what it did. And I think that’s enough padding to say that the girls looked great here and that was the whole point to this.

Do not try this at home. Try it at the Supermarket.

We recap Punk vs. Hardy, which I did like 3 days ago so go find the Extreme Rules review so I don’t have to type it again. Punk used MITB to steal the belt. There you go you freaking SLACKERS. Punk’s reasoning really was great: I did this before and you cheered. Now you boo. I love that.

Smackdown World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. CM Punk

Jeff is paintless. Well sweet goodness. Punk starts by doing one of the worst spot calls I’ve ever seen. He has a headlock on and leans over to Hardy’s head and can be heard whispering. Wow. Well at least you couldn’t hear him, unlike at the 99 Rumble where HHH was heard shouting IF I THROW YOU OVER CAN YOU HOLD ON?

Jeff has to start his own chant. That’s rather funny but it dies before I laugh. Oh great: poker analogies. That’s exactly what I want to hear. GTS is reversed as you would expect it to. Punk is dominating here and puts on a figure four headlock. That’s not one you see every day. Or night which is the time most wrestling shows occur. The Whisper in the Wind is freaking pretty. It truly is.

This turns into a striking match which of course Punk dominates but the “Twist of Fate” ends that. Swanton misses though as Punk sits up. Why he doesn’t just lay on him is anyone’s guess. I’ve never liked that hitch in this guy’s count. It’s very annoying. Jeff sets for the Swanton, which is clear because he shouts SWANTON, and it gets the pin. Shame Punk’s foot was under the rope so they have to wave it off.

Punk goes for GTS and Hardy elbows out of it, but Punk takes one in the eye. And the referee checks it, so Punk kicks the referee to get the DQ. Hardy’s look is great as he just looks completely crushed and looks as if he’s thinking are you freaking kidding me? Or maybe he’s wondering where his crack pipe is. It’s hard to tell with him. Post match Hardy yells at Punk that he did it on purpose and here they go again.

Rating: B. Good match here but it was all to set up the angle at the end which began his heel turn which made him into what he is today. This was a good match though as these two had solid chemistry together and they made things work well for the ending. I liked it, but then again I’m a huge Punk fan.

The Colons are ticked at Teddy over the title thing, which of course makes sense. This is pointless.

Orton is on the phone and is trying to get hold of Cody.

We get clips of Rev Theory doing a concert for the fans today. That’s kind of cool.

We recap Miz vs. Cena, which was a great setup for a feud with Miz constantly claiming he was winning matches when Cena didn’t show up to answer his challenges. The key thing here was Miz never once came off as cowardly here. He called out the top dog and never once looked back. That’s all you can ask for and people actually wanted to see this match. I certainly did.

The Miz vs. John Cena

This is Miz’s first major singles feud as he and Morrison had just recently split so he really did start at the top. The fans are rather split here which is a nice sign. Cena is just doing very basic stuff here and it’s working quite well. Cena goes for a backdrop and gets kicked in the face. He snaps up and shakes his head. Sure why not.

Miz works on the neck which is still hurt from Batista apparently. Miz gets some control in actually which is the best thing he can do. And the Cena fights back and the usual stuff ends it. It was short and not terribly painful.

Rating: D. That’s just for the wrestling mind you as it was more or less a Raw match and nothing more. Now when this first happened, I hated it. However since then I’ve cooled down on it a good bit. This wasn’t what I wanted, but it was fine. Remember that this was Miz’s coming out party so he needed to look good. This wasn’t as bad as it came off as back then, but that could be because Miz has done very well since then. Bad match, but Miz came off pretty well as far as credible goes.

We recap HHH vs. Orton. They hate each other and it’s about the McMahons. Yeah that’s all there is to it more or less. It was such a boring feud as no one cared for the most part as they were looking for these epic matches but they never came off as such. That and three Last Man Standing matches are about as much overkill as you could possibly have. Ok we’re at three minutes for this stupid video package now. WE GET IT! We also get Vince announcing the match for the fourth time.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

Orton is champion. First fall is regular, second is falls count anywhere, third is a stretcher match which is stupid but whatever. Cole thinks this is more or less a 2/3 falls match. WHAT ANALYSIS! They tried forever to get this feud to work and it just never really worked. They of course start all physical and such because they HATE EACH OTHER. Yeah even I can’t take this match seriously at all.

Stephanie is going to be out of a job soon with how hard the announcers are sucking HHH”s balls. The first fall here really does mean nothing because it’s not going to end the match. That’s the problem with 2/3 falls matches in general: rarely do they not go three falls so you don’t have to pay attention to the opening part. It’s the same thing with an iron man match. And HHH cracks Orton in the head with a chair for the DQ then hammers him with it like Austin on Rock.

Pay no attention to the fact that it’s falls count anywhere and not a street fight so that should be another DQ but the timing doesn’t fit that. Cole is JUST figuring out HHH’s strategy which is about as obvious as birds like to fly. A Pedigree on the floor ties us up as HHH gets praised for brilliance. Dude Scott Steiner did that before. How smart can it be?

So now it’s a stretcher match for the title. Just end it now as you can smell Legacy from here. So since this is about a stretcher we’re fighting in the crowd since it’s barely 10:30 and we’re in the final fall. They break apart the barrier and just keep fighting at ringside. They’ve been doing this for almost 5 minutes now but there’s no drama obviously and no one seems to care.

Hey let’s go in the ring now to kill some more time. They use the steps a lot and nothing of note is happening at all. Why is it not of note? Because they haven’t been trying for the stretcher. They finally do something and of course it doesn’t work. I’m just wanting this to end at this point. Orton does the elevated DDT off the stretcher to the floor. That would look good if I cared about this match. The punt misses and apparently Orton kicked the stretcher.

HHH gets the advantage on top of the stage and has him inches away and here’s Cody. HHH beats him up. Here’s DiBiase who he was mad at earlier, beating HHH up for no apparent reason and throwing away the earlier thing. Shawn is on hiatus here so HHH is all alone. He had a sledgehammer hidden….somewhere on the stage and blasts Legacy with it.

Orton just takes part of the stage and blasts HHH with it for the win. AWFUL main event. Orton poses, HHH hits him with the sledgehammer, guaranteeing us ANOTHER PPV match from these two.

Rating: F+. So the stretcher match part was just them beating each other up for about 15 minutes so that Legacy could run in. Again, these two just cannot have a good match. Period. They simply can’t do it, and yet they kept being shoved down our throats time after time and the people were SICK of it. This was just awful as the stretcher thing was idiotic. This isn’t Memphis. A feud doesn’t need to go on this long.

Overall Rating: C+. That grade took awhile to arrive at. The problem is that the main event and the last nearly 30 minutes just suck the freaking life out of this thing. HHH vs. Orton was one of the worst feuds you could ever imagine as it was just so painfully boring.

The matches weren’t always awful, but they were just not interesting in the slightest. Other than that though, the show is rather good. Rey vs. Jericho is must see and there are other good matches throughout. Check this show out, but don’t watch the main event. It will haunt you.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 21, 2011
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T
Guest Host: Jonah Hill

We’re past Survivor Series and it’s officially the road to Mania. The next PPV is TLC and I think that’s 4 weeks away. Rock/Cena won, which means absolutely nothing but Rock did look awesome in the ring so I guess there’s that. Also we have the title on Punk which should at least be more entertaining. There’s a guest host here tonight I think. Let’s get to it.

Theme song opens us up. It sounds like they’re saying Woo Woo Woo during the transtional parts.

Punk opens the arena part of the show and he gets a nice pop. Good to see that he can get those when he’s not with Cena. He talks about being in first grade and having his teacher asking him what they wanted to do. Various people said stuff like a police officer, fireman, etc. He of course wanted to be a professional wrestler, and here he is: the guy that won the WWE Title in Madison Square Garden last night.

He did this on his own terms and this is all he ever wanted to do. Now he wants to be the bringer of change. Punk sits down in the ring and talks about the ice cream bars. Now he wants to get rid of Johnny Ace, which draws out the skateboard man himself. Ace says nothing of note so let’s get back to Punk talking. Punk talks about how greedy Vince is while Ace is the stereotypical middle man, like the guy from Office Space.

Punk criticizes the term WWE Universe. They’re FANS. PREACH IT BROTHER MAN!!!! Next week it’s Del Rio vs. Punk for the title. Punk makes fun of him for that so it’s Ziggler vs. Punk tonight. Punk: “That’s not a good idea or innovative. That’s stupid.” The fans want to see Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder. Ryder is busy tonight vs. Del Rio. Punk starts walking up the ramp towards Ace and some day he’s coming for Ace himself.

Last night after the PPV went off the air, the fans chanted for Ryder while Rock was in the ring. Think about that: the Rock is in the ring in MADISON SQUARE GARDEN and the fans want Zack Ryder. Rock said he was a fan. Sweet goodness man. PUSH THE GUY ALREADY!

Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder breaks up the intro by Ricardo. I don’t get the point of the booking here. Think about it: Del Rio is #1 contender and Ryder is over like free beer. Why do we need to have this match? One has to lose and Ryder needs to get a win here but Del Rio is already on a losing streak. Why not someone like Morrison here? Instead they’ve come up with the booking already and screw the fans and what they want. And they wonder why their numbers are falling through the floor. Ryder starts his comeback but is sent into the buckle and the armbreaks officially squashes him at 2:26. I hate this company at times. I do.

Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger

Jack tries amateur stuff but Sheamus easily powers him to the floor where Swagger is frustrated. From what I’ve been told, the Twitter thing flashed static and the words “It Begins” was in there instead. Interesting. Swagger takes over with the Vader Bomb and we go to the back for a double armbar. Sheamus starts his comeback but the shoulder off the top misses. Brogue Kick is countered into the ankle lock which is kicked off and the kick ends this at 4:35.

Rating: C. Not a terrible match but it was a nice win for old pasty. Swagger is the walking definition of jobber to the stars at this point and that’s a good role for him since they’re not going to give the guy a new gimmick and the All American thing is done as done can be, so having guys beat him like this is fine.

Nash is up next.

Nash comes out and talks about MSG and how important it is here. He talks about the Curtain Call (look it up) and how HHH should have come back and it should have been them in the main event. But instead the Cerebral Assassin is gone at the hands of Nash. He says he’s the survivor of the group.

Here’s Cody, who says he’s unbeatable and he’s unrepentent. This brings out….oh give me a break it brings out Santino.

Santino Marella vs. Cody Rhodes

The Canaditalian avoids the Russian from the American but there’s the Cross Rhodes for the pin at 1:03.

Post match Cody goes after Booker, yelling about various stuff. I’ve heard this was the feud for the next few weeks so here we are. Booker gets water thrown thrown in his face and Cody walks out.

Ziggy is in the back and says he won two matches (he was eliminated but he was still on the winning team) and was the only one that did so. He’s the new face of WWE and will prove it to Punk next.

Dolph Ziggler vs. CM Punk

They head to the mat to start and there isn’t much to say so far. Ziggler beats him down for a good while and this is getting a solid amount of time given how slow they’re going. Punk tries a sleeper but Dolph takes over again. Booker calls him the Zig Zag man to get on my nerves. Ziggler keeps the advantage as we go to a break.

Back with Ziggy still in control but Punk fights back. Into the GTS attempt but it’s countered into the sleeper. Again it’s the Zig Zag Man line from Booker to get on my nerves again. That doesn’t work since Punk is a face and here’s comeback #2. He sets for the Macho elbow but Ziggy grows a brain and MOVES OUT OF THE WAY BEFORE PUNK JUMPS. Why is that so complex?

Dolph kicks his freaking head off with a slick dropkick and they go up. Punk knocks him down and there’s the elbow. It only gets two because it’s a middle of the match move. There needs to be more pins off non-finishers. GTS is countered into another throwing kind of move for a close two. Zig Zag is countered into the GTS for the pin at 16:30.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but I didn’t get into it like I did with Cena and Ziggler or Orton and Ziggler. Punk gets a good win here but he’s right: this wasn’t interesting or innovative, but it’s all we’re getting tonight because this could be interesting and not involve Rock, and since we want Punk to not have much to work with, we’re stuck with this. Decent match though.

Here’s Show to talk about Henry. Henry is coming back, Show still wants to fight him, same old same Show.

The Divas do the same stuff but it’s about WWE 12 this time. Next.

Kane return promo. The mask is included for no apparent reason.

Wade Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston

Barrett says the next thing in his sights is the world title. Barrett beats him down for awhile but as he loads up Wasteland, here’s Orton for the distraction. Wade freaks and drops Kofi. He manages to bail before the Trouble in Paradise as we go to a break. Back with Kofi in a chinlock as Randy is sitting at ringside. I like how they’re actually setting up Orton as a natural progression of a story instead of just rushing it.

Boss Man Slam (BIG one too) puts Kofi down down for two. Barrett pounds him down and hooks his bow and arrow hold. This is a pretty uninteresting match. Oh and I forgot to mention: Lawler has a bad voice due to last night so he can barely talk. Out to the floor and Kofi hits a huge dive to take over. Boom Drop hits but a corner splash misses. Kofi loads up the springboard cross body but Wade kicks the rope and Wasteland ends this clean at 11:34.

Rating: C+. Better match than I expected here and it’s awesome to see Barrett getting such a strong push. Also having Orton set up as Barrett’s next feud is a good thing and hopefully we see Barrett get the pin at the PPV, which is a feud win that he needs. Good stuff here but Kofi having a chance would have helped. Not their fault though.

Barrett announces himself as the winner to rub it in on Orton, who teases an attack but declines.

Here’s Cena for the ending segment. The people boo as you would expect. He talks about how a lot has changed in the last 24 hours (Ryder Twitter plug), including us having proof that he and Rock can team up. The fans chant Fruity Pebbles after they get a mention here. Also last night Rock proved that he’s still got it, which means Mania will be exactly what it should be.

This brings out Awesome Truth with Miz talking about how the fans didn’t want to see Cena last night. Truth says Cena is in his own world and Mania will be awful for him. Cena cuts them off and says we learned that Rock still has it and that no one cares about Awesome Truth at all. Cena tries to put some tension between Awesome Truth and neither of them are too happy with it.

Cena leaves and says they should be booing themselves. They get in each others’ faces and argue, resulting in a shove by Miz and a punch by Truth. Miz begs off and says let’s go get Cena, then jumps Truth as they head up the ramp. A Finale on the ramp (head didn’t hit) ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. I wasn’t feeling this show for the most part. The wrestling wasn’t bad but other than the main stuff, the rest was just there. It felt far more like a commercial for WWE 12 but that’s just a one night thing I believe since it comes out tomorrow. It wasn’t a bad show, but I have no idea what’s coming next and I don’t really see myself caring, which is a bad thing.

Results
Alberto Del Rio b. Zack Ryder – Cross Armbreaker
Sheamus b. Jack Swagger – Brogue Kick
Cody Rhodes b. Santino Marella – Cross Rhodes
CM Punk b. Dolph Ziggler – GTS
Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Wasteland

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Survivor Series 2010
Date: November 21, 2010
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

Well this has been built up for a good while now. The main thing here is who does Cena side with: Nexus or the forces of good as it’s Free or Fired. I really don’t know what’s coming here so I’m rather excited for this. We also have a decent build to Edge vs. Kane but I don’t think it ends tonight. Kane is a step backwards now but I think he still pulls it out. On paper this is a decent show. Let’s get to it.

We open with the old school run down of the Survivor Series logos and then we shift over to Cena. Wait I’m watching this on the internet so let me get this out of the way: CZENA SUX HE ONLY KNOWZ FIVE MOVEZ! There now that that’s out of the way we can continue. The people in the LD are right: this video on Cena and Barrett is awesome. Oh and Orton is here too.

US Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase

At least Maryse looks hot. Cole is on Bryan for his music this time. Daniel goes for the arm to start which gets reversed. Some submissions master. Nice counter if nothing else and the lights go out for a second. Lawler: I like it when the lights go down. Cole: So do I since I don’t have to look at Bryan. He’s on tonight. DiBiase tries to suplex Bryan to the floor and actually get it in a nice bump.

Challenger controls and hits an elbow from the middle rope to Bryan who is laid on the apron. Think how Taker puts someone for his legdrop. I guess the lights going on for a bit made him channel his inner deadman. Bryan gets some strikes in but DiBiase just pounds him down. Dang Maryse is looking good in a nice little short dress. DiBiase gets a second rope dropkick for two.

Cole jumps down Bryan’s throat again. Apparently Johnny Rodz trained Striker. That explains a lot. Bryan speeds things up but still can’t keep momentum going as DiBiase kicks him in the face. Bryan gets a suicide dive to the floor and may have blown out a shoulder. Not sure if it’s legit or not. There’s the top rope dropkick so he’s doing on enough it seems.

Bryan gets a small package for two but DiBiase gets a clothesline so hard that Bryan backflips for two. Dream Street is countered twice but DiBiase gets a big spinebuster for two. Better match than I was expecting so far. Ted goes way up but gets crotched into a belly to back off the top. Nice job and Bryan’s shoulder is either messed up legit or he’s selling the heck out of it. That gets a nice two and here comes the LeBell Lock but it’s countered into a slingshot. And so much for that as the hold goes on and DiBiase taps.

Rating: B. Solid opener all around here. I don’t think DiBiase was a legit threat for the most part but he was fine for a challenger. This is the kind of thing I’ve been looking for more of with DiBiase giving Bryan a nice challenge but nothing he can’t handle and we got a pretty solid match out of it. What more can you ask for? Nice opener.

As Bryan is celebrating Miz pops him with the MITB case. He and Riley get in the ring and runs down the Heat (remember he’s from Cleveland) which is very true here as the Heat are just doing ok this year and have started badly all things considered. He shifts over to LeBron, saying he should go back to Cleveland. The lights go out again during this. He says he’s tired of carrying the briefcase. It’s a matter of when, not if.

We recap Sheamus vs. Morrison which should be good if their falls count anywhere match was any indication. Basically Morrison says Sheamus is a bully and is protecting Santino from him. Sheamus says he’s a former and future champion and Morrison is jealous.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison

I’ve been looking forward to this one. Morrison starts fast of course and sends Sheamus to the floor with a dropkick, followed by a corkscrew dive over the top to the floor. And so much for that as Sheamus drills him in the head. Striker says he’s enjoying the beating here. All Sheamus for the most part here. Lawler still doesn’t like him.

Lawler talks about the size difference, prompting various jokes. Sheamus is pounding away here and is getting close to that zone of his. Middle rope suplex is blocked though and here comes Johnny Boy. Top rope cross body is rolled through into a powerslam for two. I’ve always been a fan of that counter as it’s simple yet effective. Brogue Kick misses and an enziguri puts both guys down.

Sheamus is up first and we slug it out. Nice job of being an anti-bully by punching the guy in the face. Nice thing to teach the kids there Johnny. He looks all ticked off now and goes on offense. He walks into an Irish Curse for two though. The crowd is into this show so far which is a nice touch. We get our second slingshot into the post of the night and a Russian legsweep gets two on the Irish dude.

Morrison lands on the middle rope off a catapult and Sheamus takes the knee out. Solid back and forth match so far. In a move I’ve never seen before, Sheamus puts Morrison’s leg on his shoulder like he’s going to stun it and then launches him forward just by pulling it forward. That’s a new one on me. Half crab gets Sheamus nowhere. Morrison grabs a rollup for two.

Back to the knee and Morrison is in trouble again. Morrison sends him into the corner but Sheamus gets up before Starship Pain can hit. And there’s the High Cross but it’s countered again and the Flash Kick takes down Sheamus. A running knee gets the three and the WZPC Title is in trouble.

Rating: B. I liked this a lot. Rather solid match for the most part here with both guys getting solid offense in which resulted in me not knowing who was going to win until the end. That’s the sign of a good match and it paid off here. Solid stuff again and these two have a weird chemistry together which isn’t something you can teach. I liked it.

Knucklehead stuff.

Cena is in the back and here’s R-Truth again to complain about nothing in general. He offers a solution and Cena kind of rolls his eyes. Truth offers to interfere and attack Orton which Cena shoots down. Truth doesn’t believe he’ll be fair. More or less this sounded like a heel turn promo.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kaval

Basically this is happening because Kaval got his first win over Ziggler on Smackdown and is using his win of his choice. Cole runs Kaval down of course. Vickie does her usual thing. Kaval has some slightly new tights here. And so does Ziggler. Kaval kicks a lot to start and in other news I’m watching wrestling. A snap mare gets one. Who covers after a freaking snap mare?

Ziggler gets some basic grappling to take down Kaval. Striker wants Vickie and Kaitlyn. He must be hardcore. Handspring into a cross body (think Tajiri) gets two for Kaval. Vickie distracts Kaval and down he goes. The title has never changed hands in Miami. I don’t get the point of those things. They don’t really mean much but they’re better than nothing I guess.

The announcers exchange movie and TV references including Cagney and Lacey as not much is going on here. Kaval takes over with strikes of course, some of which aren’t even strikes. Kaval is the World Warrior apparently. NICE moonsault press gets two. A handspring sets up a BRUTAL kick to the face for two. That was awesome looking.

Warrior’s Way is avoided and Ziggler gets the sleeper on the middle rope. He gets knocked off and Kaval busts out a moonsault into a 450. No worries though as he lands on his feet. Well of course he does. Backslide gets two and a Fameasser (NOT THE ZIG ZAG COLE!) gets two. Both guys down now as this show has been SWEET from a wrestling perspective so far. SWEET enziguri from the top gets two.

They slug it out some more and Ziggler can’t put him away. Kaval goes for a school boy but Ziggler grabs the ropes. A small package for Dolph gets two as this is getting very good very fast. Another rollup from Kaval is reversed into a rollup by Ziggler to retain. Nice pinfall reversal into the ending there. May have been some tights grabbed too.

Rating: B-. This has been a SWEET show from a wrestling perspective as this is the third solid match in a row. When’s the last time you get that from a WWE show? Kaval shouldn’t win a title yet so this is a good ending for it. Ziggler is very good in the ring and has been getting to show us that lately. I liked this as I have every match. Good match again.

Team Del Rio talks about beating Rey and there’s a theme of speaking Spanish here. Del Rio wants to see kids cry. I like this guy!

Team Mysterio vs. Team Del Rio

Rey Mysterio, Big Show, Kofi Kingston, Chris Masters, MVP
Alberto Del Rio, Tyler Reks, Drew McIntyre, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger

The crowd has kind of died which is sad as this has been a very solid show so far. Cole says the heel team is the best groomed team ever. That was a good one. The captains start us off here as I love seeing these matches. It would be nice to not have seen it at Bragging Rights but you get the idea. Cody comes in maybe 10 seconds after we start. Team Rey is all in blue.

Striker says Rickey Henderson might be the best ball player of all time. Just….no. Lawler has to get them back on track. You can tell they’re in trouble when he’s the voice of reason. Beautiful Disaster gets two and here comes Alberto again. Rey takes over and needs to tag. Ah there we go and it’s the hometown boy. Drive By kick in the corner and here comes Kofi.

Lawler talks about his mini clowns and mini kings. Here’s Masters now as Alberto is getting beaten up. Drew jumps into Chris’ boot and MVP is back in to beat up Drew. Ballin hits but we get the Mania 5 Rude/Warrior ending to get rid of MVP. Masters vs. Alberto now as Masters hits a Jackhammer for two. Masterlock can’t go on but Alberto gets a Codebreaker onto the arm and then the armbreaker gets the tap to get us to 5-3.

And here’s Big Show which I think everyone saw coming. Off to Swagger and down he goes to some chops. Swagger takes out the knee and brings in Alberto again. Dang he’s been in a lot. He slaps Show’s head and Show shouts HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? Drew won’t tag in so Alberto tags him in. Show knocks Alberto out anyway for fun. Nice shot as Del Rio just crumbled. Something tells me that’s your ending.

Future Shock can’t hit Show who slams Kofi onto Drew for two. Del Rio is taken out and I’d bet on him coming out to get the win, especially since the announcer said completely eliminated. Kofi slaps Cody who LOSES it, destroying the table and kicking anything in sight. He yells at Chimmel to HOLD UP THE JACKET. There’s a blemish so Kofi slams him again.

Show comes in and grabs his face. Show yells at him and Cody hides, so Show just punches him for the easy pin. Reks is in and hits a big clothesline on Show to take him down for two. Back to Swagger as it’s 5-4 Del Rio but he’s out getting checked on. The heels go after Show’s leg but Show kicks him in the head. And so much for that as Show goes for the chokeslam but it’s reversed into the ankle lock. Has no face ever heard of breaking up a hold???

Show drags Swagger to the corner and gets the tag to Rey who goes nuts on Jackie boy. Big boot takes Rey’s head off though for two. Kofi interferes to put Swagger in 619 position but he grabs the legs into a SICK ankle lock. He can’t crawl to the corner so he swings Jack into 619 position but Swagger tags Reks. Kofi comes in but they can’t get Reks out even with a big top rope cross body.

Kofi misses his running leapfrog into the punches in the corner and winds up in the Tree of Woe. Kofi kicks him out of that and gets the pin to tie us up. Swagger grabs the ankle lock which doesn’t work and neither does the powerbomb. Kofi misses Trouble in Paradise and lands in the ankle lock to make it officially 3-2 with Show and Rey against Swagger Drew and Del Rio even though Del Rio is gone.

Show and Rey go for the Rey diving off Show’s shoulders but Drew gets a shot in and Rey crashes. Swagger vs. Rey with the masked dude getting a top rope rana to set up the 619. There’s the Show’s shoulder splash to get us down to just Drew in the ring. Yep I’d still bet on Del Rio coming back. Future Shock is blocked and the 619 sets up a chokeslam to end it. Apparently that’s it as Del Rio is gone. So I guess Del Rio was eliminated first?

Rating: B-. These are hard to grade but this was pretty fun. The ending was about what I expected but Alberto going out first was really weird and I was completely wrong about him coming back. It’s nice to see one of these at the show that’s supposed to have these matches. Rey and Show winning was kind of predictable but that works fine sometimes. Fun stuff.

Ad for TLC which is literally all stick figures. I liked it.

Randy says nothing special.

Divas Title: Natalya vs. Laycool

Man Michelle looks good in some gold shorts. I can’t imagine Natalya doesn’t get the belt tonight. Actually I could but it involves Beth Phoenix returning soon. Natalya is built. We start with some blonde on blonde action here which is never a bad thing. The announcers point out that both of Laycool are from Florida. That means a total of nothing but whatever.

Heel double teaming puts Natalya out to the floor and has her in trouble. Dang imagine Michelle as your teacher in like 7th grade. Natalya gets a suplex on both girls to send everyone down. They play up the whole this is Natalya’s life thing as she gets beaten down. That would signal foreshadowing and maybe it does as McCool is sent into the crowd. Back in the ring as Natalya sends their heads together and the Sharpshooter to McCool ends it.

Rating: D+. Was anyone really surprised here? This was about what everyone expected it to be and at least the right person won. Not a bad match or anything but a total break between the early stuff and then the real meat of the show which we’re about to get to. This change needed to happen so all is right with the world now. Ok not in the slightest but this was the right result.

Post match Laycool jumps here and I was right as Beth is here to kick their small but shapely figures. She celebrates with Natalya.

We recap Edge vs. Kane which more or less is Edge came back to Smackdown and won a title shot then kidnapped Paul Bearer. That’s about it.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Kane

Champion comes out first here which is a little weird. Pretty decent pop for Edge. Edge brings out an empty wheelchair to keep up the psychological stuff. Edge fires away to start and pulls Kane not quite to the floor. Top rope something jumps into the chokeslam but a spinwheel kick gets Edge out of trouble as well as two. Edge keeps messing with Kane’s mind and it seems to be working.

Edge goes for the knee and controls for the opening few minutes if not more. Edgecution is blocked and Edge gets draped over the top rope and has his head kicked in. Kane keeps asking where Paul is. Apparently the only way for him to find out is for Edge to tell him and it has to be IN THIS MATCH. Why? Striker makes it seem like Bearer will die if he doesn’t do this just right. This isn’t Bash 04 dude.

This crowd is just boring. We get a Craig Pittman reference of all things as King mentions hearing once that “beatings will continue until morale improves.” Edge gets a top rope cross body for two as this is going VERY slowly. Edge gets a shot in for a counter as this is putting me to sleep.

We get some very basic back and forth stuff with nothing behind it at all. The fans just do not care at all here. The Edgecution hits as I’m just waiting for LONG stretches of time between typing anything here due to boredom. Edge sets for the spear but Kane kicks his head off and gets the chokeslam for two. And then Edge hits the spear to win it. The announcers seem to not notice.

And never mind as both sets of shoulders were down so it’s a tie and Kane keeps the title. I smell a TLC match.

Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness this was boring. We had to sit here that whole time for THAT finish? Are you kidding me? We had a tie at Survivor Series. This company makes my head hurt so often at times. I guess that it sets up a big gimmick match at the next PPV, but the downside is that it sets up a big gimmick match at the next PPV.

Post match Kane goes to beat up Edge but Edge counters and puts Kane in the wheelchair which Edge sends through the barricade.

Barrett talks to Cena about Nexus which began in this building. We get it.

Tag Titles: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

All of Nexus is out here for this but they don’t talk. Well other than Barrett of course. Slater vs. Santino to start as apparently Vlad has been teaching Santino Sambo. Oh great now he has offense. Nexus looks like they have more unique tights now. Santino gets the first loud chant in a good while. Oh what are you really expecting here? After Vlad gets beaten down for awhile Santino comes in and cleans house but Nexus interferes so Slater can get the pin to retain. It was maybe four minutes long.

Rating: D. This was the next to last match on a major PPV. Do I need to explain why this was a bad idea?

Nexus beats Santino down afterwards and it’s E-MAIL TIME IN SOUTH BEACH BABY!!! It’s just a reminder to not interfere in the title match and if they do they’re all suspended.

We recap Cena vs. Barrett. Cena is stuck in Nexus and if he gets Barrett the title tonight he isn’t fired and is free from Nexus. If Orton retains then Cena is fired. Short and sweet, so of course they take five minutes to set it up. Sweet video though.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Cena comes out first and is all like come on let’s get this over with. Nice pop for Orton but not as big as for Cena. Immediately after the bell rings a fan shouts out YOU FREAKING PIECE OF GARBAGE! Not sure who that was to but dang it’s weird hearing that on a WWE show. The fans chant RKO and we start very, very slowly.

Clean match a few minutes in. This is going to get 15-20 minutes and no one cares about anything but the ending. Cena is being fair so far. They head to the floor with Barret in control. Barrett throws punches for two as Cena counts fairly. This has been about 80% punches and headlocks and we’re almost ten minutes in.

The one thing no one seems to talk about in WWE is the idea of Barrett just being able to beat Orton. If that happens fairly then Cena wins his freedom and Barrett wins fairly. It tells you a lot when a clean ending is a total and complete impossibility. The match doesn’t matter a bit here as it’s just window dressing for the Cena move, whatever that is.

A Barrett elbow gets two. Cena keeps having to explain that it was a two count and the shoulder was up. Barrett sets for Wasteland but Orton gets elbows to the head. And then he gets a Bossman (Black Hole according to Striker) Slam for two. Dueling Cena chants start up. Back in the ring Wasteland hits and Orton grabs the rope. Cena counted fairly.

Barrett gets in his face and Cena looks scared. Barrett shoves him and Cena shoves him into the RKO and counts the three. Hokey smoke. Everyone is stunned, myself included.

Rating: D+. The match sucked but to put it mildly this was all about setting up the ending angle which is going on as I type this. Barrett’s in ring style is something I like. This wasn’t horrible as the crowd carried a lot of it, but this really was pretty weak. It was all about the ending though, and sometimes that’s fine. Not terrible but just there as a backdrop for the ending.

Nexus runs in and it’s the Super Best Friends to take care of them. Cena hands him the title and he poses to his music and leaves. Cena stands in the ring and lays his wristbands down in the middle of the ring and gets a mostly face chant. He hugs Cole and Sign Guy then comes back towards the ring. He points to a camera and walks up the ramp. I feel like an idiot writing every basic thing he does. The little graphic comes on in the corner as he’s about to leave but he goes into the crowd to high five people. He goes all the way around the arena and the camera stays on him, and then he leaves and we fade to black.

Overall Rating: B. There were some boring parts (Kane vs. Edge springs to mind. Scratch that as springing would imply someone doing something quickly in that match) to this but overall I really liked tonight’s show. The wrestling in the first hour to hour and a half is the best WWE has put on TV in a long time. The drama in the main event was certainly there and while I didn’t like the execution of it that well, the point was to make us want to watch to see what happened and that’s what happened.

This show was high on drama and it felt like a major show. Having four good matches to start and some decent ones to finish on helped a lot too. The show felt like it was something you needed to see and with that all hinging on one moment, the extra stuff at the beginning easily make this a good show and well worth checking out if you get the chance. Good show.

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Smackdown
Date: November 18, 2011
Location: Webster Bank Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

With two days to go before the PPV, most of the card is already set. Rock/Cena will probably be the focal point of the talking which is fine, as long as the rest of the show gets some talking too. Big Show vs. Henry should get a good solid push here and somehow I’m looking forward to that. If they keep it at about ten minutes max it could be ok. Let’s get to it.

We open with Henry in the back choking away at Bryan and beating the tar out of him. He yells about disrespect and carries him into the arena. They hit the ring and Bryan is destroyed with the Slam. Referees come out so Bryan takes another slam. He grabs a mic and says that either he or Big Show is leaving MSG on a stretcher, and it won’t be him.

Show isn’t scheduled to wrestle tonight.

The main event is Orton/Sheamus vs. Barrett/Orton.

Sin Cara vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is non-title. Pre-match, Vickie announces that Dolph is fighting twice at the PPV as he did I think last time. The opponent this time is Morrison. The lights are changed again. I wonder if that’s the case during the Survivor Series match as well. Ziggler stalls a bit then takes Cara to the mat with a fireman’s carry. Cara finally gets some speed going with the Tajiri elbow and a suicide dive to the floor to take out the champ.

Dolph gets a boot to Cara as he comes in and drops an elbow. He botches the nipup a bit but points for trying. Hashtag heel hooks something like a Fujiwara Armbar but Cara comes up with strikes and the spinning wrist drag out of the corner. An enziguri from the apron sets up a misses swanton. Cara tries to roll him up but Dolph reverses and uses the tights for the pin at 5:25.

Rating: C-. This match never got going. They started off slow and other than the dive to the floor, nothing exciting ever really happened. It’s good that Dolph didn’t lose again as he’s got enough people chasing him so far. Not a horrible match, but absolutely nothing past first gear in this one.

Ziggy talks some trash so Cara beats him up like a rudo. This draws out Swagger and Ryan in that order for the saves.

Mason Ryan vs. Jack Swagger

Here’s the rare joined in progress match. Swagger takes him to the mat as I don’t think this has been going on very long so far. Ryan tries a powerslam but Swagger reverses and takes him down with a Vader Bomb for two. Off to a double chickenwing as this is rapidly approaching Ryan’s limit as far as time goes. Here’s his comeback with a powerslam as Cole talks about all of the big moments in SS history. Full nelson doesn’t work but the second attempt does. The slam ends this clean at 6:18 shown.

Rating: D+. Just a power match here but Ryan getting all the ring time he can is the right thing for him now. It’s not like Swagger is worth anything as a win anymore but Ryan got some experience which he needs. He’s got a LONG way to go and ring time is all that’s going to help him at this point.

Alicia Fox hits on Gabriel in the back when Ryder comes up and asks for a signature in exchange for a shirt. Show comes up and signs also. Ryder and Gabriel aren’t cool with Show being here because he wasn’t around for the beatdown earlier. Show asks where Mark is but goes to find Daniel instead.

Here’s Christian who is all banged up with a neck injury as well as his legit bad ankle. Christian insists he fought Sheamus last week as well as all over Europe, during which he hurt his ankle. It may keep him out for a few months but he’ll be cheering on Team Barrett on Sunday. Normally he’d be asking for one more match for the world title, but instead here he’s wanting one more match period. The fans don’t care about his pain and he says he’s a man. The people make him sick though and he’s through with all of them.

Bryan is in the trainers’ room with AJ for some reason. Show comes in and says it’s his fault. He’ll go find Henry.

Ted DiBiase vs. Derrick Bateman

THEN WHY IS HE ON NXT??? Whatever, as it’s not worth thinking about. Maxine interferes a bit and allows Bateman to take over. This isn’t going to last long I don’t think. NXT is discussed a bit as Bateman hooks that half nelson which was in every match on NXT this past week. I was right as Dream Street ends this at 2:50.

Show searches for Henry but finds Tyson Kidd and Jinder Mahal, who says something in whatever language he speaks. “You want to repeat that in English?” “No.” PUNCH. Show was also told Henry left the building.

Here’s Show in the ring and he says that the match could have happened tonight. However if that happened, he would have beaten Henry down so badly it would have been a disqualification and no new champion. Show has a piece of his favorite footage which is where Show had his leg broken by Henry. He says it’ll be Henry that is carried out of Survivor Series and there will be a new champion. Show holds up his fist and says it’s coming for him. He yells at the camera as his music plays.

Kofi Kingston vs. Hunico

Hunico says something in Spanish before the bell. Kofi grabs the arm to start and we hit the ropes a bit. Kofi sets for a monkey flip but Hunico fires a dropkick into the ribs to take over. Hunico with a chinlock and Booker says Kofi might tap. Has anyone ever given up to one of those? These two aren’t really clicking so far. Off to something like an abdominal stretch on the mat. Kofi makes his comeback as we talk about the elimination match some more. There’s the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses. The top rope cross body is rolled through for two but SOS gets the pin at 5:00.

Rating: C. I kind of liked this for how basic it was: it was a heel vs. a face with the brawler vs. the high flier and the high flier hitting a speed move to win it. What more can you really ask for in five minutes? I liked it here and it worked pretty well given what they had. Setting up the PPV match is always a good thing, but why in the world is Hunico supposed to be viewed as a threat?

Video on Big Zeke.

Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. AJ/Kaitlyn

Beth vs. Eve is a lumberjack match for no apparent reason. Kaitlyn vs. Beth to start and I don’t think this is going to last long. Beth and Natalya are called Pin-Up Strong. The team with three nicknames takes over quickly with Nattie hooking an abdominal stretch. Off to AJ who is caught in a Sharpshooter with Natalya bending all the way back to the mat as AJ taps at 2:57. Kaitlyn is all ticked off post match, teasing a heel turn.

The main event angle from Raw eats up ten minutes.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett

Cody has officially been relegated to just a guy in trunks instead of an interesting character. I mean, he was getting over as a heel in a character that was even slightly different so KILL HIM NOW!!! Cody vs. Sheamus starts us off but it’s off to Barrett less than a minute in. Sheamus takes over and hits the pounding forearms while Barrett is in the ropes. Barrett and the moving hair of death fires back with that bow and arrow hold of his.

A tag brings in Orton and the place pops. He hits the powerslam and elevated DDT very quickly and calls for the RKO already. Cody comes off the top to break it up but jumps into a boot and the over the shoulder neckbreaker. Barrett kicks Orton down and we take a break. Back with Orton vs. Rhodes as Christian has come down to ringside. The captains slug it out and Barrett wins it, as he should given his backstory. Nice to see that for a change.

Barrett breaks up an attempted tag in a nice move by coming in and drilling Sheamus before Orton can get to him. There’s the hot tag anyway as Sheamus cleans house. Sheamus loads up the Brogue Kick but Christian pokes him with the crutch for the DQ at 7:50 shown of 11:20.

Rating: C+. This was shaping up to be a pretty solid tag match but the ending and lack of time hurt it a lot. The ending not being definitive is a great thing as Barrett looks strong and Christian is added as a potential wild card to the match on Sunday. This match has been built up very well and it feels like an additional main event, which is all you can ask for.

Rhodes takes a beating post match with finishers a go-go. Barrett takes an RKO and the good guys stand tall.

Overall Rating: B+. For a go home show, this was good stuff. Almost every big match got at least some kind of discussion or advancement and the elimination match continues to be built strong where I’m looking forward to it more than Cena/Rock or any other match. Good stuff here and I’m pretty impressed by this show.

Results
Dolph Ziggler b. Sin Cara – Rollup with a handful of tights
Mason Ryan b. Jack Swagger – Full nelson slam
Ted DiBiase b. Derrick Bateman – Dream Street
Kofi Kingston b. Hunico – SOS
Beth Phoenix/Natalya b. AJ/Kaitlyn – Sharpshooter to AJ
Randy Orton/Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett via DQ when Christian interfered

Survivor Series 2007
Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Tazz, JBL, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Joey Styles

With another year comes not a lot of change. Orton is world champion here having taken out HHH for the belt at No Mercy in their first last man standing match. Tonight he takes on HBK in another of his random filler feuds before Cena gets back from injury. The Game is the other major player on Raw (shocking isn’t it?) as he’s feuding with Umaga for your Survivor Series match of the night.

Over on Smackdown, we only have one big match, but it’s a major one as Taker is challenging Batista for the world title in a Hell in a Cell match. If nothing else they’re keeping it big. Oh and one other thing: Hornswoggle is Vince’s son now.

Yes, that painfully stupid and bad storyline has finally begun as he’s already dropped the Cruiserweight Title because Vince doesn’t like small wrestlers. Finally, we have my boy Punk defending his ECW Title against the newly crowned tag team champions of Miz and Morrison. That should be good. Let’s get it started.

Hey, take a wild guess as to what the opening video is about. If you guessed Survival, you’re of about average intelligence as the show is called Survivor Series. If you guessed that it sucked, then you’ve been paying attention to my reviews. Yep, this is nothing of note. We’re starting with the ECW Title match, so the first two voices that we hear are Joey and Tazz. Surprisingly we don’t hear their colleagues yet, which is odd indeed.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Punk took the belt off of Morrison and Miz said he wanted it. That’s about all I’ve got for you here as far as a backstory since ECW back then was even less developed than it is now if you can believe that. Oh yeah. And they were thrown together on Smackdown (literally) and given a tag title shot because two guys that are thrown together that hate each other are light years ahead of all the other great tag teams on Smackdown right?

See what kind of shape the division was in around this time? Somehow this wasn’t even the worst it would be. However, these two would be pretty much the best team in a good long while and will likely be that for a good long while. Also, around this time there was a big thing about how Miz couldn’t wrestle. A buddy of mine and I said just give him time. I’m writing this in mid-October, two days after being completely blown away by a segment these two did at a Smackdown taping I was at.

Now as of this writing, it hasn’t made air in America yet. I’ll be most interested in seeing how many people are saying how awesome he is after that. Styles goes through all of the combinations that could result in Punk losing his title which is somewhere between interesting and filler. You might think that this is a handicap match, but it really isn’t. These two don’t get along yet and while they’ll double team for awhile, it’s usually very short indeed.

I’ve always loved that suicide dive that Punk does. He does the WHAT’S MY NAME thing that worked so well in ROH but never caught on in WWE. To be fair though, the crowd starts a big CM Punk chant. My goodness this guy was over. After beating on Punk as a team for awhile, Miz and Morrison break up again, maybe over one of them not doing the dishes or something. Good night Morrison does some amazing stuff out there.

He still does the same kind of stuff today but dang this was impressive stuff back then too. We get a glimpse of Miz vs. Morrison her but it’s nothing really that special. Punk hits a backbreaker that used to be called Welcome to Chicago M’Fer which has been changed for obvious reasons. Following some miscommunication from the new tag team, Punk hits the GTS on Miz for the pin.

Rating: B-. It got the crowd going a bit, but at the same time there was never any real drama in this at all. That’s fine though, as I don’t think there was really supposed to be. Sometimes you need to just have a match to get some ring time for the champion and have a decent match out of it. It makes the champion look stronger and saves the showdown for later on. This was just fine.

We get a recap of MVP hurting Matt’s leg and putting him out of the Survivor Series match later tonight. MVP had a big C on his outfit back then. He was CMVP. Oh that’s just awesome. Anyway, now we go to the back where some interviewer that I don’t recognize is talking to him. He’s REALLY bad on promos at this point.

Face Divas vs. Heel Divas

Faces: Mickie, Maria, Torrie, Michelle, Kelly
Heels: Beth, Jillian, Melina, Layla, Victoria

This is your token Diva match of the night. Torrie has what is now Tiffany’s music. Basically, around this time the only face Diva that can wrestle at all is Mickie. There’s no story here at all as this could just as easily have been on Raw. Thankfully this isn’t elimination style. We start with the almost too hot Victoria against Michelle. Ok, the Divas yelling at each other is REALLY annoying. Kelly is in essence in a swimsuit with sleeves.

To show the brilliance on display here, Torrie has Victoria down and leaves her there to run across the ring and get a tag. That’s tag wrestling 101 there and she can’t get that right. Even trying to pull Victoria back to Torrie’s corner would have worked. Whatever let’s just get this over with. Jillian is in now and for some reason rubs Kelly’s face in her chest. Wow. Anyway, we get the obligatory handspring elbow, which is the most impressive athletic maneuver there is.

It’s so impressive that nearly every Diva does it. Dang will you STOP WITH THE FREAKING SCREAMS? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW FREAKING ANNOYING IT WOULD BE TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT SCREAMED EVERY TIME THEY OPENED THEIR FREAKING MOUTH? IT WOULD BE SO FREAKING….never mind. JR actually makes a bit of a comparison of Kelly and the Great Muta. I’m at a lost for keystrokes. All of the heels are wearing some form of red. Is that some messed up team unity thing?

Mickie comes in and attempts to save this match. Mickie hits the sexiest move in wrestling history, The Long Kiss Goodnight, to get the win. It was a move where she grabbed the other girl’s hair and actually bent her back and kissed her before kicking her in the face. Why do I have a feeling that’s Norcal’s dream date? Oh and Michelle fell out during the match. Nothing special.

Rating: D. That’s half of what this match was all about. The other letter is also D. Yep, this was all about looks here. If you don’t believe me, look at Kelly and Maria’s outfits. They’re just there for looks and nothing more. This was just bad and showed how awful the majority of the women were at the time. At least it was short and the girls looked good.

Orton says he’ll win.

Shawn says he’ll win. Well I’m glad they’re in agreement that he’ll win. Shawn looks stoned here and actually swears. That’s surprising.

Raw Tag Titles: Cade and Murdoch vs. Holly and Rhodes

Please…make it short. This was the token title feud of the month as the faces were thrown together over respect or something and instantly were number one contenders. The problem with the tag title picture was simple: Miz and Morrison were thrown together and won the tag belts. Holly and Rhodes were thrown together and won the tag belts. Do I need to explain why this was such a complete and utter failure for so long?

The reunification has helped a good bit lately, but they’re still in desperate need of help. With a roster as big as they have, it really wouldn’t be hard to get a few teams together and put some stories out there. Think of all the guys on the roster that never do anything but could have decent matches. The stuff is there, trust me.

Could Cade be any more generic? Hey! Buy Armageddon so we can validate our completely stupid PPV schedule. Holly and Rhodes won a triple threat vs. Londrick and the Highlanders to get here on Heat of all places. DAng it’s weird to see Rhodes as such a rookie like this. Rhodes and Cade start us off. Rhodes has bulked up a bit since this.

Rhodes literally slaps Murdoch on the back. That sounded sick too. Holly in now who takes down Murdoch. Holly does his low kick that isn’t really low but really looks like it is while the other guy is on the ropes. The champions are in trouble here. Double teaming gets the advantage back to the rednecks.

Cade takes Holly down to prevent he tag as this is just DRAGGING. There’s no reason for this to be on PPV but it is anyway because that’s how tag wrestling in this company works. There’s your heel miscommunication so that Rhodes can come in. And then that doesn’t work as he hits a missile dropkick for two and walks into Melina’s finisher (the sunset bomb thing) from Murdoch to retain.

Rating: D. This was just bad. Just like the match before it, there was no need to have it on PPV. Neither team stands out at all and there’s just nothing special about it. It’s not any good at all so there’s no way to say it’s anything but bad by default. Horrible match and everything that’s wrong with tag wrestling in this era. Holly and Rhodes would get the titles a few weeks later.

Team HHH says that they’re going to do some terrible things to the other team. In a very funny bit, Kane and Jeff mention all the things that HHH has done to them over the years. That’s just amusing. Jeff is taller than I thought he was.

After a too short to tell what’s going on recap of the Survivor Series match, we’re ready to go.

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

HHH, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio
Umaga, Big Daddy V, Kennedy, Finlay, MVP

Matt is injured remember, so it’s starting as a handicap match.

I love the way Justin Roberts talks. In what cracked me up, Kennedy comes out to do his standard intro and the mic doesn’t work. About halfway through it kicks on mid word. That’s just hilarious. Big Daddy V is in desperate need of a shirt. MVP needs to bring back the counting part of his music. It’s so much better that way. Let’s see: the most successful heel here is….MVP I guess? Maybe Umaga?

On the other side, we have four former/future world champions. Oh yeah this is going to be a great contest here. Kane’s pyro is some of the loudest stuff you will ever hear in your life. It’s insanely loud. Rey’s song really is catchy when it’s all you’re hearing in the arena. Jeff has his old music here. The start of his singles run would be in less than two months as he would fight Orton for the title at the Rumble. He’s IC Champion here.

Oh yeah the feuds. HHH vs. Umaga, Kane vs. BDV, Jeff vs. no one in particular, Rey vs. Finlay, Matt vs. MVP so I guess Jeff gets Kennedy and MVP by default. We’re now at ten minutes of entrances. We start off with Kennedy and Rey, so an overrated guy that’s good but nowhere near as good as he is made out to be vs. Kennedy. This is pretty decent stuff here as Kennedy for once gets to show what he can do, which isn’t bad.

He’s not the next Austin but he’s not bad at all. Rey does in essence the same move that Murdoch won with earlier, using that pesky thing known as the right way. JR says that Hardy has D. Wade like hang time. That just doesn’t sound right at all. BDV comes in to beat on Hardy for awhile since we need jobbers out there for awhile.

We move on to Kane vs. BDV which was a feud at the moment, so look for a big pinfall here. Kane hits the big clothesline from the top to put him down for a bit as this is really just no sell theater.

Following a little interference from Finlay the Samoan Drop ends the Big Red Machine to make it 5-3. Again, Kane jobs. Some things never change. The facebuster from HHH simply couldn’t miss more than it does here. We get HHH vs. Umaga here, which I guess was supposed to be a big deal? It’s just coming off as weak to me, but whatever.

After HHH (which I accidentally spelled as HGH for a bit there in a funny moment) gets beaten down, Rey comes in and after making Umaga look ridiculously bad, goes out to the Spike, leaving us with 5-2. I can smell the comeback coming from a mile away. We start this part with Jeff vs. Kennedy, which would have been an interesting feud had various things not happened. After a missed Drive By, Jeff gets a quick Twist of Fate to make it 4-2.

Kennedy is taken out after something that looks like it came out of a Three Stooges short with all of the blunders by the heels. HHH gets the pin. We move on to Viscera vs. HHH since I guess the fat man had to get something done that night. A double DDT takes him out to get us to 2-2 and you can see the ending coming from here. In probably the biggest thing of his career, Finlay beats on HHH for awhile before the tag to Hardy brings the crowd back a bit.

Once the terrible twosome were all that was left, this match started going downhill fast. This needs to end, like now. After a lot of token offense from Finlay, HHH comes in and takes care of Finlay. Cole tries to build Finlay as an equal to HHH. That’s just amusing. About 44 seconds later, the Pedigree leads to the Swanton which leads to the end of this way too long match. The face team of the gods celebrate for awhile before we’re done.

Rating: C-. This is a tale of two grades here. Before we got down to the final two faces, this was pretty good. After that, the whole thing just fell apart because there was zero chance that the faces weren’t both going to survive. Kane and Rey were just filler out there and everyone knew it. The first part is good, the second part is just bland. It got Jeff over though, which was the main goal of the whole thing.

Vince tells Horny not to die. That’s just funny.

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

You know the story so let’s get this over with. Vince and Shane are with Horny here. When I grow up, I want to be one of Runjin Singh’s sideburns. They do the rule thing just to add more hijinks to this. The fans chant We Want Shaq. Ok then. Oh yeah this is Miami when Shaq was on the Heat. That makes sense now. Oh and Shaq is in the front row. See what happens when I pay attention? Vince grabs a mic and says he doesn’t care what the fans want.

At least he’s honest. Horny runs once Khali screams at him. For some reason he spits mist at Singh who doesn’t do anything but stand there with a what the heck look on his face. Well thanks for that buddy. The club that Horny grabs is knocked away and then Khali smacks him. This needs to end like now.

The joke is over and has been for a long time. Just as I say that, Finlay runs out and hits Khali with the club to make the save for the DQ. The fact that Finlay would be revealed as the real father was about as obvious as possible at this point.

Rating: N/A. It was a joke, not a match.

We hit the recap button on HBK vs. Orton. This is pretty simple. Orton was on a punting spree and one of his first targets was Michaels. The night after Orton beat HHH at No Mercy there was this big ceremony for him which ended in Shawn returning in what was a cool moment. They had a match at Cyber Sunday where Orton got himself disqualified. That led to this, where Shawn can’t use the superkick and Orton can lose the belt via DQ. That’s about it.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Lillian looks great with her hair pulled back. Ross takes a small shot at FOX News, so at least some things never change. Orton hasn’t started hearing voices yet. Oh and the belt still spins. This is Shawn’s second PPV in 5 months. Shocking isn’t it that he more or less took the summer off after Mania. He would never do anything like that again would he? Dang that spinning belt looks like crap. It’s scary that today the belt looks about 100x better.

We get the old school ceremony of the referee checking the boots and pads etc. I love the little things like that because they can enhance a match so much. Shawn starts off with a lockup known as a Crevate. Now most of you have likely never heard of that. It’s a European style headlock but not quite. More or less you look like you’re setting for a snapmare but you grip like it’s a headlock. It’s really a cool idea and there’s a lot of stuff you can go with from that position.

Chris Hero is well known for using a ton of varieties of things like it. They go to a LONG headlock/front chancery sequence that has the crowd on the edge of unconsciousness. Finally we hit the floor for a bit where Shawn hits a picture perfect Asai Moonsault to knock Orton down. The commentators try to argue that Shawn is using a different style here because he’s not allowed to use the kick. That makes ZERO sense.

Think about it. Shawn’s finishing move is a kick to the head. What kind of setup does that require? All it takes is one second and some accuracy and he’ll knock you out. It’s not a wear down move like a figure four where going for it immediately makes no sense. It’s a move that can be hit from nowhere. Think of the Iron Man match.

He hit back to back kicks from nowhere to win his first world title. Here’s your “it’s Survivor Series so Shawn has to reference Montreal with a Sharpshooter” Sharpshooter. This has been all Shawn so far. Say it with me: as I type that Orton takes over.

Orton is very boring. That’s all there is to it. However, since he looks like a statue and can cut decent promos, Vince decides to keep putting him in big matches with this ridiculous Viper gimmick which more or less consists of him sliding around the ring before the RKO. It’s an excuse for not having to come up with something creative. Orton vs. Cena and HHH is about as boring of a pair of feuds as you’re ever going to find.

JR then has the nerve to say that this is a pure wrestling match. No Jim, it’s really not. This is a match that has an extra gimmick added to it because no one in their right mind believed that HBK would lose to Orton without it. Orton is just flat out awful in this gimmick of his and something needs to be changed, fast. Naturally, that means that Orton will be the same guy going into Mania 30. Oh look it’s a chinlock. What is the appeal of this?

To be fair, Orton is a bit better now, but around this time he was just flat out boring. Now he’s just mostly boring. Ok, for the love of goodness, WE GET THAT ORTON’S DAD IS IN THE HALL OF FAME! He was a horrible character and did nothing of note, ever. He’s another great example of the Hall of Fame being a complete joke. Anyway, Shawn initiates the ending sequence but gets dropkicked with one of three moves Orton can actually do really well.

In what’s a pretty cool move, Shawn sets for the superkick and fakes Orton out to get him to drop down so Shawn can hook a small package. That was really smart and makes perfect sense. In something that really surprises me, Shawn uses a crossface. This is a mere four months after Benoit and in the middle of the investigation into his death. I guess that this was before the whole thing came out. Michaels goes even crazier by putting on an ankle lock. Man he’s going nuts here.

He gets the heel hook but Orton gets out. DAng , Orton is better with submission than Lesnar is. Something occurs to me. If Orton gets disqualified, HBK gets the belt right? Why doesn’t Shawn get one of his buddies to come out and blast him with a chair or something? Man this face thing getting in the way of something that makes sense.

As he goes for a figure four, Shawn is kicked into the post. After a very brief counter, the RKO ends it. Afterwards Orton yells at Shawn and picks him up, naturally getting kicked in the head before Shawn leaves. Well that was a pretty basic ending.

Rating: D+. I get that some people would like this match, but I just could not get into it at all. There’s no drama, there’s one decent looking spot with the moonsault, there are tons of dead spots, and the whole thing just falls short. There just was no reason at all to watch this, plain and simple. They weren’t going to put the belt on Shawn so quick. Earlier tonight in the Punk match you had a good match that was a token defense.

This is the same, but this was far more boring. It’s a great example of a good match like this and a bad one. Jericho would come back in less than a month to save Raw and have more bland matches with Orton. Vince, get it through your head: two surefire hall of fame wrestlers in Jericho and Shawn can only pull ok matches out of Orton. That simply can’t be a coincidence.

Recap of Batista vs. Taker: they’ve fought a bunch of times and split most of them, but they just think the other is a swell guy. Yep, that’s about it.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Remember this is Hell in a Cell. Taker is the challenger here. JBL actually does some good analysis of what both guys need to do to win. He then ruins that by saying “oh that’s a clothesline!” Well thanks for that great brilliance there Johnny boy. Naturally Batista isn’t afraid of Taker. Less than three minutes in we have a chair brought in from under the ring. Or would it be out from under the ring? Whatever. Taker controls the majority of the opening part of the match.

Batista takes a chair shot to the throat and has some faint blood from his mouth. I know there’s not much being said here but the opening to this is solid which makes it difficult to make fun of. They’re trying to play up the experience/skill of Taker vs. pure power of Batista. That’s not a bad idea at all. As usual the rules of where you can pin someone here change per match, but I’d assume that it’s only in the ring. Cole implies it’s falls count anywhere.

They’re focusing a lot more on wrestling here than violence, which is fine. There’s certainly more than one way to have a good cell match and this is one of those options. Taker gets the Triangle Choke and Batista starts waving his arm and slapping the mat which looks a lot like tapping to me. He gets the ropes which apparently is a rope break. Even the announcers say that’s not correct. Batista is bleeding horribly.

After Batista gets some weapons shots in to take control, he gets caught in the Last Ride for two. This is a good match. The chokeslam gets two. He goes for the Tombstone but Batista does the leg wiggle of doom to get out and hit a spinebuster to take over again. A table is brought in as I begin to think: do those really help? I mean think about it. They kind of break your fall.

When you’re in a move like a powerbomb or something, the impact of the move is based on the amount of momentum built up when you’re coming down right? Well if there’s a table there blocking your way, doesn’t it stop a lot of the momentum? The impact of going through the table would hurt, but since you keep going anyway, it’s not going to hurt that much. Think of it like this: what hurts worse, taking a short ride and falling through a table, or taking a long ride and landing on something solid?

It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, but I guess it can look good or something like that. Now we get to something else that’s kind of stupid. Batista sets up the table and hits a regular powerbomb through it (they call it the Batista Bomb but I can let that one go). If he had Taker that weakened, why not just hit the regular Batista Bomb and not give Taker the extra recovery time? Batista kicks out of the Tombstone, which makes him the second guy ever (Shawn at Mania 25) to kick out of all three finishers.

Shawn took it a step further though as he got out of Hell’s Gate as well. A Tombstone of the stairs should do it but the cameraman pulls the referee out and of course it’s Edge, returning from whatever injury he was out with. A camera shot to the head of Taker followed by a conchairto and Batista keeps the belt. Seriously, that’s the ending? Edge posing takes us out.

Rating: A-. This was a very good match until the ending. These guys have some solid chemistry together and showed it off tonight. Most Cell matches have zero story to them but this one did, which goes to show that you can have good wrestling and storytelling in a match like this and include weapons and blood.

That’s a big flaw in a lot of gimmick matches today: they forget they’re wrestling and just have high spots. Edge interfering really brings this down though as I wanted a clean win for someone. This was very good though and easily the best match at Survivor Series in a good while.

Overall Rating: B-. This is another example of a show where the grades don’t give an accurate representation of the whole show. I know I graded a lot of them low, but at the same time the whole show turned out to be pretty good I thought. The main event helped a lot as it was an excellent match. It goes to show you what a main event is capable of.

I know some people are going to think I’m an idiot for my Shawn vs. Orton grade, but the issue I have is simple: it was overbooked. Seriously, does a guy like Shawn need gimmicks in order to get over? You tell him how long he has and the finish and let him take care of the rest. The show certainly isn’t bad, but it’s hardly a classic. Batista and Taker is worth going out of your way to see, but while the rest is certainly good, it’s not must see. Recommended though.

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Survivor Series 2004
Date: November 14, 2004
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 7,500
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We have entered into what I guess you would call a new era in the company. Orton has split from Evolution as it is starting to crumble. Batista is on the rise as he would win the 2005 Rumble to set up his first title reign. Over on Smackdown, JBL is the reigning champion in the middle of that one title reign that he never stopped talking about. It’s hard to put a finger on it but you can just simply feel that things have begun to change into what we would consider the modern era of WWE.

Cena and Batista would take their spots as the kings of the company in about five or six months. Your main event tonight is HHH’s team vs. Orton’s team, where the winners get control of Raw for the next month. Yet again, this just seems like a preview for next month. Over on Smackdown we have JBL defending against Booker in the random non-feud of the month. This looks weak on paper, but let’s try it out.

We get a video about the history of the Survivor Series. This is painfully weak. If it tells you anything, Snitsky and Maven are in the main event tonight. How scary is that?

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Spike Dudley vs. Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero

Wow Kidman had a job at this point? This is one fall by the way. Kidman’s music makes me want to die quickly. Billy hurt Chavo with the shooting star, which is one of the main reasons it was banned for as long as it was. Kidman and Spike are your heels here, in case for some reason you care. If that’s the case, I’d recommend a doctor. I know I say that Spike should be only fighting small guys, but he really shouldn’t be wrestling at all. He’s just annoying.

Cole runs through the rules as I think they might have finally picked the perfect opener. More or less no one is going to care about this match but it’ll be full of high spots so if nothing else people will get hyped up over it, or at least they’re supposed to. Tazz recommends that someone hide in a corner, which really isn’t all that bad of an idea. This is the location of the first two Survivor Series as well as the 1992 show so this is the New York of Survivor Series I guess.

Using his expert analytical skills, Tazz points out that the move we just saw was indeed a knee of the ribs. They’re going with the formula here of having two guys go at it and two guys down, which gives the match a bit of a Mexican flare to it. I think I like that. Spike was in his Boss phase here where somehow he was in charge of Bubba and D-Von, because that just makes perfect sense. Now we’re getting into what this should be: a massive spotfest.

Spike crashes when he tries his and that is just great for some reason. We go to Billy vs. Chavo which is the hot feud I guess. In case you didn’t notice the first 20 times they said it, there’s a slim chance that Spike will hold the title as they more or less give away the ending. Why does Tazz keep using the term pin cover? I don’t think anyone else uses that and I’m not sure if I like it. I hate cruiserweight matches where they try to be slow and technical.

Cole continues saying stupid things by saying all four of these men want to become champion of the world. One of them already is you dolt. Somehow they tried to make the Shooting Star Press into a heel move. Seriously? Why would you try to do something like that? It’s one of the most impressive looking moves there is and it will never not get a solid pop.

What’s the smart thing to do of course? Try to make it evil of course, because the only thing that matters are heels, especially tiny ones that are SO intimidating. Spike goes for the Dudley Dog which fails because…because…well because he tried it on Rey Mysterio that’s why.

Chavo hits the Gory Bomb, which of course according to Cole connects. Listen to a Cole match and see how many times he uses that word. It blows Vintage away. In a rather anti-climactic ending, Spike steals the pin after Kidman drops a springboard leg on Chavo. That just wasn’t that interesting of an ending.

Rating: C+. This was probably the best choice for an opener, but I’m not sure if it worked that well. The high spots were fine but Spike was just sucking the life out of this thing. I get that he’s a heel, but there’s not supposed to be depth to matches like these. They’re about big spots and getting the crowd into the show, so why have someone there that’s just slowing things down? I don’t get that. The match was ok but it just didn’t feel right so take that for what you will.

Heyman and Heidenrich are in the back as Paul tries to fire him up. Snitsky shows up and they have an odd exchange. Their mouths are far too close during this. Snitsky likes what his poetry and Heidenrich likes what Snitsky does to babies. They would start a very short tag team feud against Kane and Taker soon. For the record, Snitsky had caused Lita to have a miscarriage if that explains anything. Their noses were touching. That’s just odd.

Here’s the pointless theme song that no one will remember in two weeks.

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian

Benjamin won the title in a relative shocker at Taboo Tuesday, beating Jericho for it as well as winning the rematch. Christian is getting the shot because he just wanted one I guess. He would be leaving for TNA in about a year at this point. This is more or less the wet dream of any IWC fan and clearly should main event Wrestlemania because….well just because.

I love the Waterproof Blonde version of Christian’s music. This is right before Shelton became the hottest thing in the world and about six months before the classic he had with Shawn at Raw that was the high point of his career. Ross says that Shelton may be a better athlete than Lebron James. Wow indeed. Christian slaps him and gets punched for his troubles.

Shelton gets a sweet springboard clothesline to take out Christian for two. Tomko is at ringside with Christian as he continues to be completely worthless. They chop it out as Christian shouts that he IS Captain Charisma. Benjamin is just scary with how athletic he is out there. Tomko gets involved and it allows Christian to shove Shelton to the floor to take over.

Ross and Lawler get into an argument as to whether you’re cheating if you choke to four. That’s a very good question actually. Christian hammers on Shelton for a good while but here comes Shelton. Solid stuff here so far. Shelton gets a counter into a slingshot reverse suplex for two. Nice. Stinger Splash misses and Christian gets an Edgecution for a long two.

Christian brings the Title in and it gets kicked back in his face. Tomko kicks Shelton’s head off for a two and a solid pop on the kickout. Shelton hits the Dragon Whip on Tomko and there’s the T-Bone on Christian to retain. Sweet match and Shelton looked great here.

Rating: B. THIS should have opened the show. This is what both guys should be doing: wrestling in the midcard and having the best stuff on the show. That’s where Christian and Shelton both fail for me: the company and fans on WZ think that they’re ready to take over the reins of the company and they’re just simply not there yet.

Now maybe they will be someday, but at the moment they’re just not prepared yet. Also, not everyone is going to be able to be a main event guy. Look at Kofi for example. Anyway, this was very solid and it was this time period where Shelton got the reputation that he has now, which is what the IC belt is supposed to be about.

Edge and Angle cross paths in the back with Angle talking about how Edge has never won the title. This is psycho Angle that was some of the fun stuff. This was a pretty intense segment with two guys that have a solid background. I’d like to see Edge come back like this where he’s a heel but not by much. Angle tries to go to the ring but runs into Eugene and suddenly I wish I had a gun or a hatchet. Eugene sings Kurt’s song and the hatchet might not be fast enough.

Hey! Here’s a Wrestlemania moment that has absolutely nothing to do with this show! It’s Austin winning his first title in case you were wondering.

Tazz and Cole plug Mania 21.

Team Angle vs. Team Guerrero

Angle, Carlito, Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak
Guerrero, Big Show, John Cena, RVD

Angle was hanging out with Reigns and Jindrak at the time and they were feuding with both Big Show and Guerrero separately so there’s that. Cena and Carlito had been having a feud over the US Title which Carlito won from him in his debut match. Since then, Cena was stabbed in a club and had to take time off. The theory was that it was Carlito but there was actually a rumor going around the internet that they were going to bring in New Jack of all people to have been the attacker.

Cena comes out last and immediately chases Carlito off. Cena fights both he and his bodyguard Jesus into the back with absolute ease. The bell hasn’t rung at this point and I have no idea what the wrestlers are in the ring doing during all of this stuff. Jesus and the anti-swallower get away in a car that they steal to add auto theft to their list of crimes. Those are just great things to show on television there Vince. Cena heads back to the arena as I guess they were brawling in the meantime?

The bell finally rings and we have Show vs. Jindrak. Cena’s back so it’s already 4-3. Oh and Angle, Jindrak and Reigns had recently shot Show with a tranquilizer and shaved his head to explain why he’s so ticked off. Everyone beats on Mark because he just completely sucks. That’s a pretty good face team. Who’s the least accomplished on there? RVD I guess? Tazz fails by trying to compare one of these matches to a baseball game.

Eddie pulls off some amazing looking stuff as this was likely some of the best stuff he ever had during this time of his career. That made no sense but a translation would be he was doing very well at this point in time. A little interference from Angle turns the tide though. I’ve never quite gotten that expression. I get what it means but it just sounds odd to me and always has.

Reigns and Jindrak both could have been good but for some reason they both just completely failed. Tazz gets their names wrong. That tells me either one of two things. Number one, they’re so generic that they’re identical, or that everything is fine with Tazz. Barring a few seconds at the beginning, this has been all Eddie which I guess could work but at the same time it’s kind of stupid. I do kind of like the slow pace they’re working here if it builds up to a hot finish.

Now it’s just getting boring as we’re getting a lot of headlocks and chinlocks which just suck the life out of the match. Ironically they were talking about the You Suck chant as I typed that. At the time Jindrak was a combination of Buff Bagwell and Rick Rude but with somehow less talent than Bagwell. He does the hip swivel and it looks awful. The announcers talk about how he’s stepped up huge. That’s just a scary thought.

Van Dam comes in and for reasons that I don’t want to know, Cole calls him supple. He sets for the Five Star on Angle but Mark pulls him out of the way. Is that what he’s there for? Just to be a jerk/show off, Van Dam jumps over Angle and hits Jindrak who is about ¾ of the way across the ring. RVD is one of the few people that I’ve ever been in awe of. He hurts his ribs on the splash (naturally) and Angle rolls him up and grabs the ropes for the heel pin.

In a funny yet stupid moment, Eddie slips in the back while Angle is arguing with the referee to roll up Jindrak and use the ropes the same way Angle just did to make it 3-2. Ok, so two reasons why this was stupid. Number one, Jindrak wasn’t legal. Two, the announcers LOVE Eddie’s cheating yet booed the heck out of Angle. I know they’re faces and heels but at least pretend to not be biased guys.

After some stalling we have Big Show vs. Angle which lasts for all of a stare down and now we have Reigns in there instead. Oh yeah Show has a messed up ankle. They did such a great job of covering it that I was blown away enough to not mention it. Despite the pain, Show shows up and hits the chokeslam to make it three on one. Show immediately sets for a chokeslam on Angle but Kurt counters into an ankle lock.

Angle tries to run but RVD is waiting for him. For some reason, Angle picks to fight the three. In a funny spot he backs up still facing RVD and backs into Show. He stops and looks nervous and reaches up towards Show’s head where he realizes there’s no hair. He shakes his head and slowly turns around. It’s a lot better than it sounds mainly due to Kurt’s facial expressions.

Show sends him in to Cena (in for the first time in the match) but apparently he’s not legal as Eddie hits a Frog Splash to allow Show to pin him. Cena was never legal so I’m guessing injured still. Now that I think about it I think he really was hurt at this time. Actually never mind. He was making the Marine.

Rating: D. This just wasn’t that good. It started off decently enough but then in the end it was like they were told to hurry up and then everyone went out at a ridiculous pace. Cena wasn’t hurt so I have no clue why he wasn’t in there at all. The faces winning was more or less a given once you look at the lineups, so this just wasn’t entertaining at all really. It could have been good, but it just fell flat, but to be fair they were only going to be able to do so much with it.

Buy the history of the AWA which most of the people that were watching this PPV have never heard of!

This must be the strangest PPV of all time as Maven is getting interview time. If nothing else he’s heavily muscled. He’s bad on the mic but gets cut off by Snitsky. After a rather bad beating and by bad I mean pathetic looking, Maven is carried away.

We get a video about the crazy Heidenrich vs. Undertaker, who really wasn’t that impressive at all. He rammed his car into a hearse Taker was in after costing him the world title at No Mercy.

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Apparently I’ve been spelling his name wrong. However it’s likely that I’ll be flipping between the two spellings. He comes out in a straightjacket because he’s CRAZY! He’s also about as stock of a villain as you can possibly imagine. I mean he’s just there and there’s nothing at all to suggest that he’s a tough guy at all. The story here is that Taker can’t use his mental games on Heidenrich. Oh come on now.

For years now everyone Taker feuded with has been “immune” to his games or whatever. They just don’t try with Taker so often and it sucks. Oh and Heidenreich allegedly raped Cole. You had to see it and the comedy alone is worth checking on. Naturally since Taker can’t win against this guy, he opens the match completely dominant. Heyman’s interference prevents Old School to give Jon (Heidenreich’s first name and way easier to type) the advantage.

Taker gets crotched on the post. That’s just creepy for some reason. Are his balls dead too? They hit the floor for awhile with Jonny (no not the admin) in control. Even Taker looks bored out there. That can’t be a good sign. Cole talks down about Heidenreich as he desperately tries to validate his employment. I know he’s improved to an extent, but dang he used to be horrible. He’s beginning to put emphasis on vintage here too, so it’s officially begun.

Old School hits to a bunch of flashbulbs going off. In a cool thing, they point out how many things Taker has done at Survivor Series. How cool is it that a guy has dominated two major pay per views like this? Taker hits a downward spiral which I don’t think I remember him ever using other than this. Apparently Heidenreich has taken everything Taker has to offer. Other than the chokeslam, tombstone or Last Ride of course, but those have never been worth anything anyway.

Cole points out that Jon is talking to himself with every move he makes. Given his limited skill, it’s likely him reminding himself to breathe in and out, and as I type that Heyman is screaming don’t let him breathe! Paul, that’s called murder and that’s a bad thing. Also, Heyman in a beige suit doesn’t work. He screams at Heidenrich that he’s Heidenrich. Is he afraid the dog catcher is going to think he’s a stray or something?

This is just taking forever and it’s painfully generic. They go to a punch out and naturally Taker wins this. He goes to the top and hits a cool looking diving clothesline which gets the crowd breathing. There’s two problems with this match. First of all, Heidenreich sucks and he sucks badly. Second, this is going FAR too long. We’re at about ten minutes already and it should have ended at least three ago.

The crowd is dead with even a big move from Heidenreich and a long two getting next to no reaction. There’s far too many punches to from Jon and it’s boring. Just to step it up a bit, he goes to the middle rope and punches. In what should have put us out of our misery, he grabs the bottom rope to break up the pin. This isn’t fair. Oh come on Jonny. A sleeper now? Oh good Taker reversed it.

There’s your boring chant which should have come about 10 minutes ago. Taker sits up to a mild reaction. One of the most famous spots of all time barely got anything from the crowd. That just isn’t a good sign at all. A generic chokeslam leads to a generic tombstone to a generic pin to perfectly cap off this boring match.

Tazz tries to say this is the furthest Taker has ever been pushed. That’s just flat out hysterical. Actually no it isn’t. It’s freaking sad that a man has to lie like that on national television.

Rating: D. This was just boring. There are times when the wrestling is ok, but it’s just that this formula has been done so many times that I’ve run out of numbers for it. How many times have you seen Taker against some big man that you know he’s going to beat and then have a gimmick match against? Naturally there was a casket match at the Rumble because things just wouldn’t be complete without that to continue this.

Thankfully Jon was gone relatively soon after this, at least from major matches. Amazingly he would stay in the company for an entire year after this, even winning a tag title as a member of the new Legion of Doom. Just thinking of that makes my head hurt. Anyway, this was horrible, mainly due to Heidenreich but Taker isn’t innocent either.

Bischoff says that Maven might not be able to compete and there won’t be a replacement.

We get the recap of Trish vs. Lita which begs the question of why these two need a storyline. Lita, the face, lost her baby due to Snitsky and Trish found it amusing. The recap is complete with a pic of Kane in a white tux so it wins based on that alone. Lita really can’t act.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Lita

As I said, Lita is the face and challenger here. For once, Trish looks better than Lita here. I think it’s the evil thing. Lita has some weird suspenders thing on. She beats the living heck out of Trish and we’re on the floor already. Make your own joke for that line. The redhead grabs a chair and swings at Trish twice with both times completely missing.

I mean the camera shows that they don’t hit at all, and even though Trish’s face was away from the chair, meaning they would have hit her in the back or back of the head, she’s busted open. Knowing Trish, she was hurt to explain why this wasn’t an actual match. Upon further review, she had a broken hand so at least this makes sense.

Lita uses what’s called a rear naked choke on Trish which is really more like her just choking her and shaking on the floor. We get more stuff of Lita trying to injure Trish’s face which led to her wearing a nose protector for a few weeks. This would lead to the first ever women’s match main eventing Raw for the Women’s Title in early December which was a very cool moment.

Rating: N/A. It’s a minute and a half and an angle instead of a match so no grade.

Team Guerrero is happy to have won. Teddy comes in and Big Show takes his towel off which is passed over. Cena, clad in boxers, is told that he’s getting a US Title shot. He would get it on Smackdown and destroy him to get the belt hack. I really don’t like this gimmick of Cena’s.

Recap of Booker vs. JBL, which more or less was this: Booker want a shot, he beats Orlando Jordan, he gets a shot, JBL talks down to him, match. That was the issue with JBL’s title reign: it was ridiculously repetitive with the other flaw being that no one bought him as a credible champion yet, but who cared about that?

Smackdown World Title: JBL vs. Booker T

This just sounds bad on paper. I mean think about it. Can you picture these two having a good match together? I certainly can’t. Amazingly enough, the match itself is as boring as I imagined it. The announcers are trying to make this seem like a great match or something but it just isn’t. JBL comes out in the big white limo of his which was his signature as you likely know. Booker just looks like he knows he has no chance at all out there tonight.

There’s just not a lot to say about this match. Nothing stands out at all. It’s just two older guys going through the motions which is never a good thing. I really don’t think JBL had the character down in any sense of the word here and you can tell that based on just how plain his offense is. The announcers are no help at all here as they offer no reason as to why we should buy Booker having a shot.

With the HHH feud the previous year, Booker had pinned HHH on Raw which showed us that it was possible. Here he had only been beating on Orlando Jordan which meant nothing at all. Oh look it’s a sleeper! Oh wait, it’s a cobra clutch! Ok wait a second. Not only did JBL completely rip off Ted DiBiase’s gimmick but now he’s trying to steal his finishing hold. My head hurts from this match.

Orlando tries to do a run in but gets beaten up. He’s been out there for most of the match cheating here and there but now he’s stepped it up a bit. I very rarely skip large portions of the match in these, but I’ve gone about five minutes of video and haven’t typed anything for the simple reason of there’s nothing to talk about.

It’s just not an interesting match in the slightest and I have no interest in it. JBL gets knocked into the referee and naturally Booker finally gets the kick but we have no referee. After some Jordan interference a belt shot ends this. Really, that’s the ending they chose? It’s perfect I guess, as it’s as generic and uncreative as I can think of.

Rating: F. This was just awful all around. There was no build up, there was no drama, there was no good wrestling, and there was no reason to watch this. It was boring and the ending was even worse, so what else could I grade this as? I can’t believe I’m saying this but bring on HHH vs. Orton as it has to be better than what I just saw.

Promo for Tribute to the Troops, which is just flat out cool.

Batista is in the back and HHH comes up to him. They more or less say that once they win the partnership with Edge and Snitsky is over. Like I said earlier the winning team gets to run Raw for a month. After HHH leaves, Batista implies to Flair that he would give himself a title match. This was right about when they started pushing Batista as the super beast that he became known as being, leading to his face turn around February.

He was getting huge reactions for months before that but was still heel. You could see it coming, but it was quite well done. He would eventually turn after winning the Rumble where he was considering whether to face HHH or JBL at Mania. He overheard HHH and Flair saying they were leading him around by the nose and he was a face by the end of the night, setting up the inevitable showdown with HHH that everyone knew was coming eventually.

The recap is painfully simple with clips of Evolution running Raw for one night and the face team standing up to them, leading to Bischoff making this match. Of course it’s set to the theme song, which is a decent enough song, but it has no connection to the match at all.

That’s what sucked about the songs: they completely didn’t fit and when they did, they were used for all of one segment on the show and other than that were always playing in the background. Unless you just really liked the song you were so sick of it by the end of the show that you didn’t care about it anymore.

Team Orton vs. Team HHH

HHH, Batista, Snitsky, Edge
Orton, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Maven

Wow those entrances too way too long. Remember there’s no Maven due to the earlier attack. My guess would be this is Vince coming to his senses about putting Maven in the main event of a major PPV. We start with Edge and Benoit which works just fine for me. Edge in purple tights just looks a bit odd. We move over to Snitsky who is apparently goofier than a pet coon. Who has a pet raccoon? Seeing Orton as a young face is just strange to see.

He stops to pose for a second which gets a solid pop. He really could be a good face if he had more hair. The face team is tagging a lot as Jericho is in now. HHH comes in and the noise noticeably drops. The people were just fed up with him at this point which I think is why Orton got such a great reaction: he was something new. Apparently there’s a stipulation that says that Orton can’t challenge for the belt as long as HHH is world champion.

We get some Batista and Orton since they’re the future and all and somehow still are to this day, five years later. The tags are really fast here which is an issue because it keeps there from being a flow to the match, which is the worst thing that can happen to it, at least in my eyes. The crowd is SILENT. I mean there’s nothing at all and it sounds like there’s no one there. I know it’s a small crowd but they could make more noise than this my goodness.

Benoit wakes them up a bit at least, and I mean that in the most literal of sense. The rolling Germans really do get the people going for a bit and they’re at least popping for big spots so we don’t need 7,500 coffins. While everyone else is brawling, Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on HHH but Edge breaks it up. In some hot Canadian on Canadian action we have Edge in a crossface. Batista breaks it up, leading to one of the worst pedigrees of all time on Benoit.

Edge covers him and takes the win to make it unofficially 4-2. Nice job guys. You have gotten rid of the only person that’s actually getting anything out of the crowd tonight. It’s Edge against Jericho now but as I say that HHH and Snitsky argue over who tagged Edge which includes at least one F bomb. Batista and Snitsky argue as well which gets us a second. Flair gets thrown out for messing with Jericho.

That gets people going as I guess they were just bored at the beginning when nothing was really going to happen, so I guess that makes sense. Since he’s awesome, Batista takes both Orton and Jericho down at the same time. He hits a heck of a spinebuster on Jericho but gets caught with an awful belt shot from Orton and a running enziguri which Jericho was using as a second finisher until he realized it sucked to make it 3-2 or really 3-3 gives how you look at it.

Snitsky uses the best offensive move that he has by choking Jericho. Orton has a really weird style of punching. He’s changed it since but it just looks really weird. After the faces get their collective faces kicked in, their knight with shining eyebrows comes out in the form of Maven.

Now let me get this straight. I understand that Maven was attacked. I understand that Maven was injured and might not be healthy enough to compete. I understand that he might be acting against doctor’s orders. I even can kind of understand how he should be in the main event as he’s a young guy fighting against the establishment. But why in the world after two hours has he not washed the blood off his face?

He looks completely lost out there too. I mean you can tell that he just isn’t ready for this, which isn’t his fault. Granted he never really got much better, but he just wasn’t ready for this yet. He plays to the crowd decently enough but that’s about all he does right. He’s trying as hard as he OH MY GOODNESS what a chair shot! Snitsky just cracked the living tar out of Maven with a SICK chair shot. He’s gone of course but he hits Jericho and Orton with it first.

HHH covers the unconscious Maven to make it Orton and Jericho against HHH and Edge. Maven really was kind of a sacrificial lamb because he was never in there for the most part and was able to cancel out Snitsky. In other words Snitsky was worth as much as a guy that wasn’t in the match for the most part. These jokes write themselves most of the time but never like that. If you can’t tell who the final two are going to be, you’re a freaking idiot.

Edge starts freaking out because he can’t pin Jericho. Why does that sound like the story of his life? Never mind he gets him after a spear to make it Orton against two tall guys, which isn’t a great way to describe them because they’re all about 6’4. We get a pretty boring back and forth segment with Edge vs. Orton a longer version with HHH playing the part of the egotistical jerk in a joke that I don’t even need to make.

They go for the double team and shockingly enough the spear misses and HHH is down. You know what, that was so predictable that it wasn’t even funny to me. It’s such a cliché anymore than it’s absurd. Edge turns around and takes an RKO to get us down to one on one. Orton needs to start doing it like that again. He does it in a more fluid motion at the moment and I’m not a fan of it at all.

This is more Orton is just right there waiting and partially on his way down already when Edge turns around. The impact is a lot better and the move looks better this way. Also he does it with one arm which I like more as well.

Anyway after about two minutes he counters the Pedigree into the RKO for the clean pin, which moves the storyline along because Orton has shown he can beat HHH but isn’t allowed to challenge him, thus strengthening his heel character. Only HHH could come up with a way to get stronger by losing clean.

Rating: B-. This was….ok. That’s the only think I can think of to describe it and it has to have the ellipse which is a two dollar word currently on sale for 89 cents and it means the three dots. The wrestling is pretty good but Maven and Snitsky in the main event? Really? Also Edge was about at the level of John Morrison at the moment (the day before Hell in a Cell in case he’s done something really big in the last month and a half) so he wasn’t exactly a lock to be in here.

Jericho just looked out of place and they had already stopped Benoit’s push as he goes from world champion to first guy out. The match is ok, but it’s really nothing great. Orton won though which was the absolute right ending.

Overall Rating: C-. If I had one word to describe this show, it would be lackluster. I mean look at it. What on the card would make you want to watch this show for free, let alone for 40 dollars? This would have been ok for something like Judgment Day maybe, but not Survivor Series. This is just nothing special at all, plain and simple.

Shelton and Christian or the main event gets match of the night more or less by default which is never a good sign at all. This is definitely not recommended as it just isn’t an interesting show. The wrestling is passable, but there’s just nothing here to make me want to see this at all, which has given me a thread idea so there we go.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

Unforgiven 2007
Date: September 16, 2007
Location: FedExForum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Layfield, Joey Styles, Taz

We’re almost done with this series as there’s only the Scramble show after this. This is a pretty forgotten show but at the very least we’re firmly into the double branded PPVs here. Tonight we have Cena vs. Orton and Khali vs. Batista vs. Mysterio for the titles. The real main event though is Undertaker’s latest return to face Mark Henry in what would be a potential Mania main event today. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Taker who was beaten a lot and is back again.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Man did these two go on different career paths. Burke is more famous as the Pope D’Angelo Dinero. We get a video on Punk winning the title recently in his final title shot. He had like four of them so he had to win one eventually. Burke doesn’t even get a full entrance. On a PPV. That should tell you a lot about his chances here. Feeling out process to start as Punk gets a quick cross armbreaker that goes nowhere.

Burke takes over for a few seconds but Punk grabs a Russian legsweep for two. They mess up an Irish whip into the corner as their legs collide and Burke takes over by just slamming Punk’s head off the mat. Why make things too complicated? Bow and arrow rest hold goes on Punk for a few seconds but he fights out and hits the knee/bulldog combo followed by the springboard clothesline for two.

Out to the floor and Punk gets his back rammed into various objects that aren’t meant to have your back rammed into. Burke hooks a Boston Crab but Punk makes a rope. Here are some rolling Germans but Punk blocks the third one. In a cool looking hold, Burke hooks the legs in a Texas Cloverleaf position but is standing and facing Punk instead of sitting on Punk’s back.

Punk finally gets out of it and hits an enziguri, only to get popped in the head with an uppercut. Burke was an amateur boxer so that’s a good move for him to use. That’s one of the issues I have with Barrett: he’s this bareknuckle champion but he never throws punches. Why not? Not that it matters as Punk rolls Burke up out of nowhere for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Not much of a debut as the champion here as Burke of all people dominated for the majority of the match and Punk won on a total fluke. It wasn’t a particularly good match either as this could have easily been the main event on ECW. Punk would lose the title soon enough to Chavo Guerrero and go on to win Money in the Bank, so he did ok I think.

We recap MVP vs. Matt Hardy and their rivalry that resulted in them winning the tag titles. The idea is that they’re competing in all kinds of non-wrestling things such as arm wrestling, boxing, basketball, pizza eating etc. This went on for MONTHS because both guys were injured or sick or whatever. Then they won the tag titles on a glorified fluke.

Smackdown Tag Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

MVP is also the US Champion. JBL says these two are like Brittney Spears and Mother Teresa. Now there’s a comparison you won’t hear again that often. Cherry’s (Deuce N Domino’s manager) looks were underrated. MVP and Hardy have a fight over who starts the match until we get down to MVP vs. Domino. Even Cole can’t tell Deuce and Domino apart. Domino yells a lot and Matt comes in off a slap to his chest.

Swinging neckbreaker puts Domino down as Matt and MVP have some annoying points system over who can hit the most moves. They keep shouting the score out to each other and I really don’t get what the point of it is. MVP sets for Matt’s yelling legdrop but Matt protests and tags himself in. This has been a one sided virtual comedy match so far. Matt drops a middle rope elbow on the back of Domino’s neck and does the ballin elbow drop.

Off to Deuce who has better luck. Matt gets caught in a chinlock and MVP rolls his eyes. A quick rollup gets two for Hardy. Domino back in as we settle into a regular tag match. Cherry tries to interfere but Matt grabs the Side Effect after MVP shouts to him. Domino hooks a cobra clutch and MVP walks out. Matt fights back and MVP is up on the apron again. He gets an inadvertent tag and cleans house. He hits Ballin on Deuce but Matt comes in, throws MVP out and steals the pin off a Twist of Fate.

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match Smackdown is for. Having two tag titles was a really bad idea as there were nowhere near enough teams to support it. Matt vs. MVP went on almost forever until Matt FINALLY won it at Backlash. This story went on for about 9-10 months. See how it could get boring quickly with all of the challenges that weren’t just wrestling matches?

Rey talks about being beaten up by Great Khali and how Khali, the world champion at this point, beat up Batista also. The idea is staying out of the Vice Grip, not breaking it. That makes sense.

HHH vs. Carlito

This is no DQ for Carlito only, meaning he can’t get disqualified but HHH can. What’s the story for that? I have no idea and the silence during HHH’s entrance isn’t telling me much. HHH returned from injury 3 weeks ago against Booker T and beat him in a match that everyone blasted HHH for winning because they’re idiots. Carlito’s hair is shorter here so he doesn’t look as stupid.

Both guys have had their entrances and the bell has gone off but the only information I’ve gotten is HHH was on Carlito’s Cabana at some point in the past. Usually WWE is way better about stuff like this. Ok so Vince was on the Cabana and HHH interrupted. I guess Carlito is Vince’s lackey? I don’t remember this story at all because it seems like something that’ll be ending tonight.

Coach made the match it seemed. Carlito throws in a trashcan but gets knocked to the floor quickly. A chair shot misses and HHH rams Carlito into the barricade. HHH goes old school with an abdominal stretch and grabs the ropes because he’s a natural heel. He finally gets caught pulling the hair and we go outside. HHH throws Carlito over the ECW announce table but a shot with the bell stops the Game for a bit.

Carlito chokes away with a cable but the apple spit fails due to a right hand. A big trashcan shot to the head puts HHH right back down though and for some reason Carlito is in control. More trashcan shots keep HHH down and the Puerto Rican gets another can. A suplex puts HHH through that one so Carlito finds a third one. Well sure why not. He puts it between the ropes in the corner but HHH reverses with a clothesline.

There are white symbols on the back of HHH’s tights which are really out of place for him. The knee to the face and facebuster get two each. Carlito throws some powder in HHH’s eyes but he takes too much time to get a chair and HHH is able to grab a spinebuster for no cover. The referee puts the chair out of the ring and HHH gets a low blow and Pedigree to end this.

Rating: D+. What in the world was the point of this? I’d love an explanation for that because I don’t get it. The rules were pretty stupid because they couldn’t give us a 10 second explanation of why they existed and they were just there to stack the odds against HHH. I mean, did anyone believe HHH wasn’t going to beat Car-freaking-Lito? Bad match on top of that as we were just waiting for the Pedigree and pin. Nothing match and I still don’t get the point of it.

Maria (MY GOODNESS) talks to Batista who hits on her. He talks about how he was going to get the title back after losing it. The time for talking is over and all that jazz. Basic stuff.

We recap Beth vs. Candace. Beth is a bully, Candace won’t give up, next.

Women’s Title: Candace Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth had been a face when she debuted but was injured and was out for a year. She’s been back as the Glamazon for about two months and is on a roll. Candace is the scrappy champion that has no reason to be here but has HEART! Beth takes over with her power stuff and Candance has to be all scrappy to stay in it. Beth is like girl please and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to stop the momentum dead. All Beth at this point as she works on Candace’s back.

A backbreaker gets two. She puts her in position for the Glam Slam but just drops her instead of slamming it down which gets two as well. Candace gets in a shot to the head but Beth is just like dude no. An over the shoulder backbreaker makes the champ scream. She manages to get out of that and grab a neckbreaker to put both chicks down. Candace starts her comeback and hits an Edge-O-Matic out of the corner but gets rammed into the corner by pure power from Beth. A gorilla press drop gets two. Beth tries a backbreaker but Candace rolls over the shoulders into a crucifix into the pin. I hate her music.

Rating: D+. They’re the Divas and the champion has music that competitive dance routines would be set to. This was exactly what you would have expected from a long Raw match and that’s not something I wanted to see. Candace looked a lot better with long hair if that means anything. Bad match.

Khali/interpreter says he’ll dominate and Batista is no match for him. Khali crushes a melon with a Mysterio mask on it. Batista’s head is represented by a watermelon which is crushed also. The world title looks tiny on his shoulder.

We recap the triple threat. Khali won the title in a battle royal after Edge got injured (shocking!) and has dominated everyone since then. Batista is like yo I can beat him. Rey is like “Uh….Eddie died two years ago so I should get a shot.” Triple threat land here we come! This gets the music video for the night.

Smackdown World Title: Great Khali vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Batista

The challengers go right at Khali but Rey is sent to the floor quickly. JBL says that’s good for him which is true as one big man is going to have to take out the other before he can win the match. Khali hammers away on Batista but Rey comes back in to help with the double teaming on the champ again. He even tries to steal a rollup on Batista which ticks Big Dave off.

Seated senton puts Batista down but Khali kicks Rey’s head off to put him down. Here comes the Vice Grip but Batista blocks it. He doesn’t block the chop (hit him in the shoulder) and now the Grip is on. Rey comes in with a chair and man that wasn’t incredibly smart. Rey is out but Khali goes after Batista instead. Khali gets his hands on Rey eventually and the beating begins.

Off to a nerve hold because Khali is foreign and will get sued if he doesn’t waste time with one of them in every match when he could just crack Rey’s head open and win the match easily. There’s the Grip but Dave makes the save. Khali gets tied up in the ropes and Batista goes off which is smart. Batista goes for the Bomb on Rey but Rey counters into the 619. Khali takes one as well as a seated senton but Batista pops up and powerbombs Rey onto Khali. A decent spinebuster to Khali gives Big Dave the title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C-. Keeping this short was its saving grace. Having Rey out there helped things a lot as it gave them a way around having the power vs. power. Batista pinning Khali was a good thing and it could have been a lot worst. At the end of the day though, Batista was just keeping the title warm for Edge who was keeping it warm for Taker. That’s life on Smackdown for you though.

We recap Vince finding out that Hornswoggle was his illegitimate son. Screw you Kennedy for getting hurt and messing this up. HHH keeling over laughing is hilarious.

Batista runs into HHH backstage and they shake hands. HHH says it’s another thing to keep it and walks off.

Raw Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Spanky vs. Cade starts us off. These teams traded the titles on a house show tour and this is the rubber match I guess. Kendrick gets beaten down by both champions (the southern boys have the belts) until they get off to London and work over Murdoch’s arm. This is a popcorn match. Not the kind where you grab a box of popcorn and turn off your brain. It’s the kind where you go get popcorn because the match isn’t interesting at all.

The challengers bust out stereo suicide dives to take the champions out as the fans are SILENT. Granted this is Memphis and anything faster paced than PG-13 is over their heads. This is here as nothing more than a buffer between the two world title matches and everyone knows it. Cade takes Kendrick down as he plays Ricky Morton. Murdoch gets two as well. Kendrick tries to fire off some shots but gets powerslammed off the middle rope and London has to save.

Murdoch gets two off an elbow drop as everyone is waiting for this match to end. Time for some chinlocking because this match hasn’t gone on long enough yet. Murdoch tries to get too fancy coming off the top and Kendrick kicks him in the face. A diving tag brings in London and JR can’t tell which is which. To be fair I couldn’t either for a long time. A springboard double stomp gets two on Cade. Cross body gets two for Kendrick. The champs hit a double kick to the head of Kendrick who kicks out at two and I kid you not, the crowd groans. Cade finally retains by hitting a sitout spinebuster on Kendrick.

Rating: C-. It’s not bad but as I said over and over again, this was just so freaking boring. It went on and on as the second longest match of the night. The 2000s were not kind to the tag division and I think you could see why here. There was nothing to see here and no one was interested at all. Weak match and it just kept going, which is worst than sucking.

We recap Cena vs. Orton which involved Orton wanting a title shot so badly that he punted Cena’s dad. Cena beat up Regal because Regal denied Orton the match in the first place.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Cena’s dad is at ringside. Orton looks at him and here comes Cena. John stares him down and snaps as they go at it in the middle. Randy is just trying to cover up at the moment and the fans aren’t thrilled. All Cena so far and he goes for the STF but Orton rolls to the floor. Orton gets in a shot as Cena is coming back in and there’s the elevated DDT for two. Cena wakes up and goes off on Orton but gets caught in a sleeper/chinlock.

The fans are behind Orton and you can hear the octave drop when the Cena fans chime in. Cena finally fights out of it as the Cena fans are cheering louder now. John hammers away with strikes and takes him into the corner where he pounds away even more. And yes, that’s a DQ after less than eight minutes with about a full minute in a chinlock. Think the Memphis fans are happy with that?

Rating: D. This was a joke right? This was what they wanted to give us after giving us 8 minutes in the other main event? Nothing to see here and this would give Cena a one year title reign as soon as the clock hit midnight. However, he wouldn’t defend it on PPV again in this reign as he would get hurt, resulting in the three world title matches at No Mercy where Orton walked out with the title.

Orton goes after Cena Sr. post match but Cena Jr. hooks the STFU on Orton and lets his dad punt him in a cool moment.

Coach goes off on Papa Cena in the back and makes Orton vs. Cena II in a last man standing match which never happened as I mentioned above. Cena the younger pops up and grabs Coach by the throat saying mess with dad, you mess with him.

We recap Taker vs. Henry which is the main event. Henry beat up Taker after Taker had a cage match with Batista and put him out. Taker was already hurt with a bad arm and it allowed Edge to cash in and win the world title. Weird things started happening, Taker is back, you know the drill.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Taker gets the big overdone entrance with the symbol being on fire and all that jazz. This takes like 5 minutes to get through. Henry takes a step back and Taker hammers away. Henry catches Taker and pounds away so Taker headbutts him down. Taker loads up Old School but Henry punches him in the ribs. A superplex puts Taker down which brings a smile to my face as this is a few weeks after the ring broke with Henry superplexing Show.

Henry kicks Taker in the face and Taker just glares at him. They go to the floor and taker keeps punching. Back in Henry hits a low blow and a splash for two. A second splash gets the same result. A third splash misses and Taker strikes away but Henry gets something like a Boss Man Slam to put the dead dude back down. Splash #3 keeps Taker down as this is going way too slowly.

Taker sits up and I think we’re finally getting close to the end of this. He pounds away in the corner (shocking) and then hits the splash/clothesline in the corner. Old School hits and taker loads up the chokeslam. He manages to get a pretty good one too but it only gets two. Taker sets for a Last Ride but Henry had the buffet today so it doesn’t work. Off to a bearhug which he lets go because he’s an idiot. However he shows why he’s a bigger idiot by going to the corner and letting Taker hit the Last Ride for the pin.

Rating: D+. I get that it was the big brawl between two power guys but MAN this was dull. It went so slowly and the ending was a total cinch the whole time. I think I get why this went on last but they probably should have gone with the Batista match instead as the crowd was totally burned out at this point. It’s not horrible, but what did you expect here? Weak main event.

Overall Rating: D. Have you ever watched a marathon race where someone at the very end drags themselves across the finish line because they’re totally out of energy? That’s this show at about the halfway point. It just kept going and going, which is really weird as none of the matches even hit twelve minutes. Nothing on here is particularly good and the whole thing is just not interesting. Bad show but next year had a nice twist to it. That’s up next.

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So it’s only going to be one post instead of a series. Sorry if that disappoints anyone.

I read a lot of posts and opinions of people that talk about how the Attitude Era was so great and how awful the PG Era is so bad and how things need to be more like what they were back in the late 90s. This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard because people aren’t thinking when they say stuff like this. Either that or the more likely reality: they don’t know what they’re talking about.

Wrestling today is pretty awesome and in a lot of ways it’s better than what we have back in the 90s. Now before I get into this, let me make something clear: I’m not saying this era is better nor am I saying it’s worse. I’m saying that there are a lot of people that blindly say we need to get back to the Attitude Era way of thinking and style of airing TV and I’m going to explain why they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Note that this is just about WWE, not TNA and/or WCW. Also I won’t be going past the end of the year 2001 with this so don’t bother mentioning stuff from January 1, 2002 on because it’s not what I’m talking about. For a starting point, let’s say January 1, 1998. I know the Attitude Era was longer than that but it’s an easy date to work with.

First and foremost, people seem to think that the Attitude Era was all Austin and Vince tormenting each other and Rock cracking people up and Foley getting beaten up and then cracking a witty line. See, here’s the thing: that was about ¼ of the show. The fact of the matter is that a lot of the Attitude Era’s TV time SUCKED. I’ve been watching some 98 Raws and you get a lot of stuff like the DOA vs. the old Road Warriors, a multiple months long Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve Blackman feud, the NWA faction sucking the life out of the place, and about 15 minutes of Austin vs. McMahon per show.

People remember the cool moments of the late 90s but they forget about a lot of the really awful stuff and believe me, it got bad. You had stuff like Mark Henry getting oral sex from a transvestite, May Young giving birth to a hand, a story about Stephanie McMahon’s teddy bear, William Regal as the Brawny Man, the J.O.B. Squad, a trio of vampires, human sacrifices, people almost being embalmed, live burials, Chyna turning three times at one show, Jeff Jarrett getting hit in the back by a frozen fish, a championship changing hands at a Days Inn, a wrestler whose gimmick was he could vomit on command, and Mae Young being topless on PPV.

In short, the Attitude Era had some really stupid ideas. Some of those might not have been in the time period I mentioned, but you get the idea. People want to complain about Cena being impossible to beat and call him Superman or something like that, but is John Cena saluting people more childish than Austin holding his boss at gunpoint and having a flag come out of it that says Bang 3:16? That’s something I’ve seen in Bugs Bunny cartoons.

People want to argue about how silly and childish things are today. Yeah, there are some pretty stupid ideas like Hornswoggle and Sheamus being related to a Muppet, but at the same time we have Punk and his Pipe Bombs, Cena standing tall against a guy that talks about Fruity Pebbles and talks in funny voices (there’s a long chat in that feud that I’ll save for later), anti-bullying stories which can inspire kids (corny but true), and comedy bits that aren’t that bad when you remember your audience.

That brings me to one of the bigger points: the show isn’t for us anymore. Back in the 80s, everything was based around kids. Hogan’s feuds were never more than “I can beat this giant because the Hulkamaniacs are behind me!” You had a guy with a snake who beat up everyone else with the DDT. You had Savage being incredibly colorful and over the top. You had simple villains like Bobby Heenan and Jimmy Hart. It was a simple time for simple minds. Know what else it was? The biggest era ever for wrestling.

Then the 90s happened and those fans grew up. They got tired of seeing guys like Hogan and hearing the “you all be good” stuff. The fans rebelled and we got stuff like ECW and Steve Austin and DX and The Rock and all that jazz. The problem became that everything had to top what we had before, which is how in 1999 we had the Ministry of Darkness and crucifixions and Mideon drinking blood and vampires and all that stuff. It stopped being about wrestling and was all about drama.

Finally Austin got too hurt to wrestle and things got even better in the year 2000. What was different about 2000 rather than 98 and 99 you ask? The focus was on the ring. You had Angle and Benoit and Jericho and Guerrero coming in and Rock vs. HHH going 25 minutes every PPV and Undertaker being a biker instead of a demon.

Nick Bockwinkel used to say “That’s what it says on the marquee: Wrestling.” It sounds corny and stupid, but at the end of the day he’s right: if you put good wrestling out there, people will watch, because that’s what they’re here to see. I don’t watch Raw to see pure drama or comedy. If I wanted to see that, I’d watch a drama or a comedy. Look at the biggest angle of the year in Punk vs. Cena. In every promo Punk had, it ended with him saying that he was the best in the world and that he would prove it by beating John Cena in the middle of the ring. It wasn’t about power or some obscure thing. It was about pinning John Cena to the mat for 3 seconds. It was about wrestling.

So then Rock and Austin leave and you have guys like Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle to take their place. The pendulum has swung back to pure mat wrestling….and people don’t care as much. Starting around 2003-2004, things started to go downhill again, especially interest in the product. It appeared as if the pendulum would be swinging back towards the Attitude Era as things were getting insane again….and then something happened.

In June of 2007, Chris Benoit went over the edge and murdered his wife and son before committing suicide. Wrestling was on the front page of the paper as you had someone that was a big deal in WWE and was on the verge of winning a world title on the news for killing three people. This made the steroids trial in 1993 look like a walk in the park. Everything was changed and WWE had to change too. They had just come through an era where Angle and Benoit would drop each other on their heads ten times a match 4 nights a week. Benoit went crazy and Angle can’t go a year without a neck injury. Things had to change.

With WWE and the wrestling world being turned upside down, everything more or less had to be reset. Benoit is still less than five years ago and it’s not like you can hide things in the modern age where there are cameras everywhere. People complaining about the lack of chair shots to the head and blood don’t get the bigger picture: if something else like Benoit happened, the WWE would cease to exist. Sponsors would pull out, people would leave, fans would go away. Vince is protecting himself and his company by doing what he’s doing and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you can’t watch wrestling without someone taking an unprotected chair shot to the head, I feel very sorry for you.

So in the aftermath of that, Vince reset things back to the most basic things he could think of. Wrestling fans being wrestling fans, they didn’t want something that wasn’t geared exactly to them, so when the product wasn’t aimed at them anymore, they declared that it sucked. Wrestling is geared towards kids right now and you know what? It’s freaking good. We’re getting John Cena vs. the Rock and Christian getting the push the fans have demanded for years and Sheamus being all big and awesome and Orton having his best matches in years and Punk being the voice of the voiceless and Ryder’s internet show getting him on TV and a dozen other awesome things.

“But it’s not the Attitude Era!!!” Get over it. It isn’t your time anymore so stop thinking it’s going to be. Things in life aren’t always going to go your way and you need to accept that. You think your parents liked listening to Hogan telling you to take your vitamins or Warrior wanting to load up the spaceship with the rocket fuel or Hawk and Animal rambling about absolutely nothing that made sense to anyone that was human? It’s not about us anymore. It’s about the kids and catching their attention with bright colors and low level humor. And as much as you don’t want to admit it, it’s working. Mania broke 1,000,000 buys last year and the Trump record will fall with Cena vs. Rock. It’s their era now, not ours.

This next part I wrote earlier but I got on a roll with the previous section so it’s going to seem a little out of place for an ending.

Also you want to complain about title changes? From 1998-1999, no WWF World Title reign lasted longer than 90 days. Think about that. No one held the world title longer than 3 months for over two years. This would include three title reigns (one by Rock, Foley and Vince) that combined to last ten days. Midcard titles more your thing? In 1999-2000, the Intercontinental Title changed hands 23 times. In 24 months, there were 23 title reigns. Think about that for a minute. The tag titles weren’t as bad as they only changed 22 times in that span of time.

Title reigns didn’t mean anything back then. Austin won 6 world titles starting in 1998 and ending in 2001. Factoring in the year he was gone, Austin won all of his titles in about two and a half years, or about 2.4 world titles a year. Rock won his first in late 98 and his last in 2002. He’s a nine time champion over a four year span, or about 2.25 a year. By comparison, Cena has won 12 world titles in roughly 6 years (factoring out injury time) or approximately 2 a year. Orton is a 9 time champion, winning his first in 2004, which puts him at about 1.3 titles a year. But hey, Cena and Orton win them too often right? And remember Austin and Rock had one world title to vie for (save for the Alliance Era) so there were fewer titles to go around, making it harder to win them.

I think the big difference is that people stay around longer now. Austin arrived in WWF in 1995 and was gone by let’s say the middle of 2002, giving him about 6 and a half years in the company (5 and a half factoring in the year off). Rock debuted in late 96 and was gone by late 2002 for a total of 5 years also (roughly 5 when you consider the time off for movies). Cena has been around for over 9 years now and Orton about the same. Do you remember the end of Austin’s run in WWF? It was when he was feuding with Flair and Big Show when he was falling apart. Imagine Austin as a shell of his former self and being so far past his time that he meant nothing. Think people would get tired of him?

You look at guys like Orton and Cena and you have two guys that have had some of their best stuff recently. Cena fueled Punk’s push and Orton stole a lot of shows with his matches against Christian. Austin and Rock both left the company (spare me the arguments about them bailing out and abandoning the company. They’re bogus) after about 6 years when they were past their primes. Cena and Orton have hit (very) arguably their peaks recently. The difference is that instead of spending years in another company building themselves up, they started in OVW (for the most part) and came through the WWF system, allowing them to be there faster.