Monday Night Raw – August 12, 1996: Shawn Barely Saves Us

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 12, 1996
Location: Key Arena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 6,755
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and my goodness that sounds like a nightmare after last week’s horrible show. Things were looking bleak thanks to Nitro and the NWO at this point but it was going to get a lot worse before it would get better. I would say hopefully they can turn things around before we get to Summerslam but I’m not that much of an optimist. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Ahmed Johnson has undergone kidney surgery thanks to an attack by Faarooq Asaad. He would have to forfeit the Intercontinental Title and wouldn’t wrestle again until January.

Opening sequence.

Faarooq Asaad vs. Skip

Sunny is here with Faarooq, who elbows Skip in the face to start and sends him outside. Back in and Skip’s crossbody is easily countered into a fall away slam as the dominance is going at full blast. As we hear about Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts being confirmed for Summerslam, Faarooq sends him hard into the corner and we get that powerslam that only Faarooq could do. A second powerslam plants Skip as Lawler contemplates a one night stand with Sunny. The yet to be named Dominator finishes Skip.

Rating: D+. Total squash here, and it’s acceptable enough given the circumstances as it’s not like the Bodydonnas are a real threat to win the Tag Team Titles on Sunday. This fits the bigger overall story and Faarooq will be fine, assuming they get him some normal gear. They need heels at the moment so Faarooq is as good as anyone else, though maybe not with Sunny.

Jake Roberts calls in and says the power that saved him will crush Lawler, who responds with a bunch of jokes. The jokes go on so long that they just go to a break while Lawler is still talking.

Crush vs. Savio Vega

Crush is freshly back from prison and his attorney Clarence Mason is on commentary. This is rather different than Kona Crush from back in the day, as Crush looks like a prisoner/biker, complete with forehead tattoo. The beating is on in a hurry with a headbutt putting Savio down and some forearms to the back of the head making it even worse. More shots to the back of the head keep Savio down as Mason talks about how Crush is just being given the chance to make a living.

Savio goes shoulder first into the post (Mason: “It’s all consensual!”) but the middle rope fist drop misses. Some chops out of the corner don’t get Savio anywhere and Crush puts on the neck crank. Since we haven’t gotten the point yet, Crush very slowly hammers away in the corner as Lawler goes on about Vince’s legal history. We actually TAKE A BREAK and come back with Crush holding a camel clutch. Savio fights up but gets kicked in the face as commentary argues in legal terms because that’s what Mason does. A spinning kick to the face puts Crush down but the spinwheel kick misses. Crush finishes with a full nelson.

Rating: F. Oh no no, no no no, no no. This was horrible and Crush looked like he belonged in the mid 80s with his slow motion jobber offense, but then there were all the legal jokes to make things even worse. I’m not sure how in the world this was supposed to be good but you can see just how bad things are getting around here, all while the NWO is just starting up too? Come on man.

We recap Undertaker and Mankind’s big brawl during last week’s battle royal.

Video on the Boiler Room Brawl.

Sunny changes behind a screen and isn’t sure which swimsuit to wear on Sunday. This is a segment hyped up as “the Naked Truth” and yes that’s all that happens.

We look back at last week’s battle royal with the very injured Ahmed Johnson winning.

Ahmed sits down with Kevin Kelly and says the mental pain is worse than the physical pain. His kidney burst and then he was in the battle royal anyway, meaning there is a chance that he could lose his kidney. It isn’t clear if he could ever wrestle again or defend the Intercontinental Title.

TL Hopper/Who vs. Godwinns

Hopper is a plumber, whose theme music is nothing but flushing. On the other hand we have Who, which is Jim Neidhart in a mask so we can hear “Who?” jokes. Bob Backlund, currently running for President, is on commentary to complete the circus. Oh wait throw in some hillbillies and now it’s REALLY complete. Henry and Who start things off with Henry running him over and adding a hiptoss.

You can see all of the empty seats opposite the hard camera as Phineas comes in to slam Hopper. Backlund goes on a rant about improving society by becoming President and WWF Champion. We need that apparently because Shawn Michaels is ruining the youth of America. It’s back to Who as Backlund is now ranting about the Ten Commandments in school and condominiums being used to stop AIDS.

Backlund’s rants take him off commentary but he promises Vince a chickenwing in the future. Phineas suplexes Hopper and let’s jump over to Gorilla Monsoon, who announces that the Intercontinental Title is vacated. Henry kicks Who in the head as everything breaks down, meaning it’s the Slop Drop to finish Who. With that out of the way, Monsoon announces a tournament for the vacant title.

Rating: D-. Backlund’s crazed rants kept this a little more entertaining but egads man. What are you expecting as far as interest from this kind of a mess? This is what’s supposed to fight off heel Hogan? Hog farmers against a one note joke and a wrestling plumber? The match wasn’t the point here. This is the kind of thing that is going to make fans change the channel and that is the case far too often.

Bret Hart, aboard the Wrestle Vessel (seriously), isn’t sure if he’s going to return to the ring and hopes people remember him fondly. Maybe he’ll be back.

We see clips of a Madison Square Garden house show, including some newcomer named Mark Henry.

Owen Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Non-title with Jim Cornette and Jose Lothario as the seconds. Owen wants to make sure that Shawn doesn’t go after the cast on his left wrist so he flips out of the wristlock instead. Shawn nips up to escape Owen’s so Owen slaps him in the face to make things more serious. Owen sends him over the top for a skinning of the cat, with Shawn pulling Owen outside.

That means a big slingshot dive to the floor, followed by a headlock takeover back inside. Some armdrags into an armbar keep Owen down and that works so well that he does it again. After a lot of screaming about the arm, Owen gets up for a belly to belly to take over. Back from a break with Shawn in a camel clutch (how Crush/Savio of them) before getting two off a spinwheel kick.

The chinlock goes on for a bit, followed by a neckbreaker to give Owen two. There’s the missile dropkick and we take a second break. Back again with Shawn ducking the enziguri and starting the comeback but Vader runs in for a distraction. Not that it matters as Shawn dropkicks him off the apron and hits Sweet Chin Music for the pin.

Rating: C+. The match was ok but were you expecting anything else from Owen and Shawn? They had some time here but a lot of that was spent on an armbar or a chinlock and then Vader came in near the end. There was no drama about the ending or anything, but at least we got something that was even pretty good on this wretched show.

Post match Vader grabs a chair so Shawn steals Owen’s cast. He also steals the tennis racket that Cornette throws to Owen to knock the Canadian out but Vader comes in to wreck Shawn. Two Vader Bombs end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh man this was a bad time for the company and this one came at the end of a miserable taping cycle. What in the world are you supposed to get out of this show? I know it’s the go home show for Summerslam and other than the two main events, what got even the slightest bit of build? Yes Summerslam is a two match show, but could we at least pretend that it’s not a two match show? Awful show here and it would have been one of the all time worst if not for Shawn vs. Owen.

Here’s Summerslam if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/01/summerslam-count-up-1996-shawn-vs-the-monster/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1994 (2013 Redo): I’m Still Not Sure I Get This

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1994
Date: January 22, 1994
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Ted DiBiase

Vince is on commentary here and gets to do his carnival barker stuff. The guy knows how to make a show sound exciting, I have to give him that. DiBiase comes out to do commentary with McMahon due to having to retire late in 1993 due to a bunch of injuries.

Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Tatanka gets in a shot to the head and tries a top rope sunset flip, only to have Bam Bam sit on him. When all else fails, sit on the other guy. Off to a bearhug for about two minutes before Bigelow drops him with a shoulder block. Tatanka starts his war path thing so Bam Bam decks him in the head with an enziguri to drop him. The moonsault misses though and Tatanka goes up again, this time hitting the cross body for the pin.

Rating: C+. Shockingly hot opener here and if you cut the bear hug in half or so, this is a really solid match. They stuck to the formula really well here and the match was good as a result. This is one of the nice surprises in wrestling: on paper this sounded horrible but it turned out to be a pretty nice match. Good opener.

Tag Titles: Bret Hart/Owen Hart vs. Quebecers

Intercontinental Title: IRS vs. Razor Ramon

Guess who is defending here. JR and Gorilla Monsoon do commentary for this match. IRS goes on a big rant about how evil the crowd here is for not paying their taxes, even though they have about three months left to file. Razor goes off on IRS to start, knocking him out to the floor. IRS comes back with some forearms but Razor punches him right back down to take over again.

Ramon hits a bunch of basic stuff like atomic drops and clotheslines for some two counts, but IRS ducks under a clothesline to send Razor out to the floor. Back in and IRS goes up but jumps into a boot. For one of the only times I can EVER remember this happening, IRS avoids the foot and drops an elbow for two instead. WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO DO???

Or maybe another referee comes out to explain the interference and the match is restarted. Razor hits the Edge to retain.

Bearer and Undertaker are making a coffin for Yoko.

We recap the world title match, which is Yoko being scared of Taker and Taker being one of the last hopes to stop the monster. Apparently the contract was signed before Yoko and company knew it was a casket match. Taker I believe debuted his popping out of the casket spot in this feud.

WWF World Title: The Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

AND HE GETS UP. Diesel comes out and they get Taker in the coffin but he fights ALL OF THEM OFF. Yoko steals the Urn and hits Taker in the head with it before opening the Urn. Green smoke comes out of it and Taker now is powerless. Everyone hits a bunch of moves on him as this goes on WAY too long. After ALL THAT, Taker is put in the coffin and Yoko retains the title.

BUT IT GETS WORSE!

Then, to REALLY hammer home the point, the image on the screen starts to rise up through the top of the screen (which should be the top of the casket, meaning it should be ramming into the people that put him in the freaking casket) and A FREAKING BODY RISES OUT OF THE TOP OF THE SCREEN. AS IN A TANGIBLE BODY (which might have been played by Marty Jannetty).

The usual Rumble interviews eat up some time.

Royal Rumble

Mabel is #16 and dang there are some big guys in there. He goes right for Diesel in a terrifying preview of Summerslam 95. Mabel cleans house until Sparky Plugg (Bob Holly as a racecar driver and debuting here as a replacement for the 1-2-3 Kid) is #17. Shawn Michaels is #18 and stares down Diesel to start. Everyone gets on Diesel and Shawn gives the final push to eliminate him. Diesel gets a VERY audible ovation and chant as he leaves.

For your big face pop of the match (other than Diesel): Bret Hart is #27 and limping very badly. Today, people would have a bandage on the knee and charge to the ring because modern wrestling is stupid. Fatu is #28 and DEAR FREAKING GOODNESS THROW SOMEONE OUT ALREADY! A bunch of guys team up and FINALLY throw Crush out as Marty Jannetty is #29. Naturally he goes right for Shawn and punches Shawn to the apron.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: B

Redo: C+

Quebecers vs. Bret Hart/Owen Hart

Original: A+

Redo: B-

Razor Ramon vs. IRS

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

Original: F

Redo: F

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: C-

DANG I liked this show a lot better on the first viewing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/13/royal-rumble-count-up-1994/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1994 (Original): Tie Goes To The Winner?

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble 1994
Date: January 22, 1994
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Ted DiBiase

A year later, and while the roster hasn’t changed a ton, it’s matured a lot. Yoko has dominated the title scene since winning the title from Hogan in June after the mess that was Mania 9. He’s taking on Taker tonight in their first of the two casket matches that they had. Yes, it’s that match. We also have Razor in another title match and not in the Rumble as he’s now a face and fighting IRS for the IC Title.

The Rumble is more or less Yokozuna and his cronies against Luger with Hart on the side. Yoko had been feuding with Luger but Luger can’t have another title shot. Since the Rumble winner gets a title shot, Luger and Cornette who also worked for Yoko made a deal: Luger can fight in the Rumble but Cornette gets to bring in some guys that will represent Yoko.

That would have been nice to have been told to us on the PPV, but why waste time with that when we can remind you that WE ARE LIVE! Also, we have the next chapter in the brother war, which will be nothing but awesome so let’s get to it.

The crowd is hot if nothing else. Vince on commentary just works better for some reason, despite me loving Monsoon and Heenan. DiBiase I think was a surprise on the mic here as he just kind of pops up after Vince does the main intro. You have to give him this: he’s absolutely insane about his product. I defy you to find someone more dedicated to his company. There’s a reason why he’s the most successful promoter of all time.

DiBiase gets insane heat and it’s a shame he broke his neck and was pushed down the card so far over the years. He says he was in every Rumble to date, which just isn’t true, so at least he’s got the theory behind being a commentator down already: lie about stuff and hope no one remembers.

Note: this is important for one major reason: Brooklyn Brawler actually WON A MATCH in the dark match, beating Jim Powers. He is officially the joke of the company.

Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

This was supposed to be Ludvig Borga but Borga hurt his ankle and never came back. Tatanka starts out fast and this could be a solid match, on this LIVE SHOW! He gets a nice jumping DDT on Bigelow as I can’t believe it but Tatanka is actually impressing me. Luna is with Bigelow here in one of the strangest concepts in wrestling history that worked beautifully. For the first time ever, guys in the earlier matches are going to be in the Rumble as well which is something long overdue at this point.

Both announcers have a small orgasm over a running splash. God bless overhyping. Why does Vince always suggest stuff? I don’t get that at all. This isn’t bad at all, but the bear hug isn’t helping it. Vince says that only in the WWF will you ever see a man of Bigelow’s size use a moonsault. That is of course until he went to both WCW and ECW and did it there too. It misses though, and Tatanka hits a basic cross body off the top for the win. Wow that came from out of less than nowhere.

Rating: B. This was actually good for what it was: an 8 minute opener. Tatanka won clean and the fans were into him so it got a good reaction. That’s what an opener is supposed to do: get the crowd built up a little bit. This wasn’t anything great but I’ve certainly seen worse matches. I liked this one a lot though, so there we are.

We hit the recap button on Bret and Owen’s issues and their teaming up. This stems from the Survivor Series match where Owen was the only member of his team eliminated, which for some reason ticked him the heck off. I guess it was because Bret was in a way the cause of him getting eliminated, but at the same time you could argue that it was only Owen’s fault.

Bret said that he would love to help Owen forge a path and legacy in the company, and his way of doing this was helping Owen get his first championship: the tag team titles. How that helps Owen get out of Bret’s shadow was never explained but whatever.

We see clips of the Quebecers losing the belts and then getting them back a week later. That was really pointless as it kind of makes them look weak but we can overlook that. We go to Bret and Owen with Todd as Owen is behind Bret in some great symbolism.

Tag Titles: Bret/Owen Hart vs. Quebecers

Quebecers are managed by one Johnny Polo, who in less than a year would be in ECW as a character called Raven. So I’ve watched about 15 minutes of this so far and I have no complaints. It really is a great tag match. I’m not going to go into the discussion of this match as it’s really good and there’s nothing I can poke fun at other than DiBiase and Vince trying to sound cool which fails epically. Anyway, after about 13 minutes, we get to the point.

The point of the first 13 minutes: Bret and Owen are awesome. Eventually, Bret has the ropes pulled apart and hits the floor, injuring his knee. Following an overblown sequence in which his knee is hit by a chair, the post, the guard rail and a golf club, his knee is a bit hurt. We hit the ring again and Bret is just getting destroyed. His knee is gone and he can barely stand up. He does however dodge the Quebecers finisher and looks for Owen.

However, there’s no tag. Why isn’t there a tag? There isn’t one because Bret goes for the Sharpshooter but his knee gives out and the referee calls for the bell due to injury. Owen is TICKED and I can’t blame him. As Bret limps to his feet, Owen kicks him in the bad knee, sending him to the mat in agony and turning Owen heel, setting up the EPIC feud for the rest of the year.

On his way to the back Owen says that Bret was selfish and all he had to do was tag Owen and they would be champions. Bret is still holding Owen down and Owen has had enough of it. Despite Bret being in agony, Vince sends Ray Rougeau to the ring to find out about him. Well isn’t that nice. As Bret is being stretchered out we go to the back with Todd and Owen.

Owen, with Bret watching him on the stretcher, goes into a great angry rant about Bret’s ego and never having a title because of Bret. This is a great promo by Owen here as he just lets out a ton of anger and yells at Bret, although we do get the famous botched line as he says it felt so good when he kicked Bret’s leg out of his leg, instead of out from under him. Anyway, this was awesome. DiBiase applauds him.

Rating: A+. It’s a great match and a better angle that set up one of the best matches and feuds of all time. What kind of a grade do you expect me to give it? Go find this segment as it’s just excellent all around.

IC Title: Razor Ramon vs. IRS

Fink is very excited to announce this match. IRS is really solid on the mic to say the least. JR and Gorilla do commentary here as the other guys do Radio WWF I guess. Razor is insanely over. My goodness the quality of commentary just shot up. The battle royal that Razor kind of won the IC Title in has jumped from 20 people to 30 people in just a few months. Razor is rocking the baby blue tonight.

IRS apparently stole the necklaces and jewelry from Razor and has it in his briefcase, which Gorilla calls a briefer for no apparent reason. The crowd is on fire for this. That’s making up for it being just above average as a match. IRS takes over here and we’re in a formula based match here and there’s not a thing wrong with that. We hear talk of issues with Michaels and Razor. Oh yes. Also, Razor cost IRS a loss to a man named PJ Walker. He’s more commonly known to you as Justin Credible.

We’ve got a ref bump and Razor prevents the briefcase shot and knocks IRS out with it. Razor sets for the edge but here’s Shawn with his IC belt to nail Razor with. Why can’t we watch the ladder match now? IRS…gets the three count? Wait what? Ah there’s the other referee to explain things here. They did the same thing with a Borga match on a tape I think. We’ll ignore the referee’s decision being final too. The Edge ends this about 8 seconds later.

Rating: C+. This was about Shawn and Razor, but that’s fine. IRS is a fine choice for a midcard heel to keep Razor busy until he gets the major feud going. The match itself was probably about the level of something you would see on Raw or a house show, which doesn’t mean that it’s bad. This was adequate, that’s the best thing I’ve got for it.

Paul Bearer says nothing out of the ordinary.

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

This is a casket match. For your backstory here, it’s pretty simple: Taker is the only top face that hasn’t fought Yoko yet, so this is his shot. Oh and of course Yoko is scared. Yoko comes out first with Cornette, who looks like his twerpy best from the 80s and Fuji. In something that I wish I was making up, Vince cuts off DiBiase to say we are LIVE! I know I make fun of that a lot, but come on now Vinny.

Anyway, this is considered an epic battle, but Taker is just beating the tar out of him. They’re trying to make Taker look like a god here and they’re doing a pretty epic job. However, despite being slammed into the steps and being fine, salt to the eyes apparently is his kryptonite as all of a sudden the same move has him messed up. Back in the ring, Yoko’s offense that has killed the likes of mere Hogans has no effect here.

Taker beats down Yoko with relative ease and after maybe 6 minutes has him in the casket ready to close the lid when we get to the real part of the match: the run-ins. Crush is first, fighting Taker back but naturally getting beaten down. Kabuki of WCCW fame and Tenryu run in next but are also stopped by Taker. Bigelow comes out as Crush and the others are back up. It’s 4-1 now and Fuji has stolen the urn.

Yoko is back up now too, but Paul Bearer actually takes out Cornette and Fuji to get it back! Here he comes again! Taker is fighting them off again, but a shot from the salt bucket apparently does nothing at all. Adam Bomb is here now. Here’s Jeff Jarrett to make it 7-1. The Headshrinkers make that number 9 but Bearer holds up the urn and TAKER COMES BACK AGAIN!

Ok, now wait a minute. I can get him coming back 4-1, considering Tenryu and Kabuki were just henchmen and he’s shown that he can beat the tar out of Yoko on his own. Crush is tough but Taker is better, so that’s actually plausible. But come on: NINE guys?

Oh if that’s not enough, Diesel is here too and finally they get him in the casket. Just remember the match is still going on here. Something occurs to me. These guys are coming down presumably because they hate Taker or they’ve been bought off I’m assuming.

A question rises from this: WHERE ARE THE OTHER FACES??? I mean DANG. Savage hates Crush, Luger hates half the guys in there, Tatanka had a match with Bigelow earlier tonight, it’s the mid 90s so I’m sure Razor has beaten half these guys for the IC Title already. The Steiners can’t stand the Headshrinkers, and yet not a single one of them come down. I don’t think that was ever addressed but it makes no sense.

If nothing else, Taker could have been turned heel when he got back over that, but I guess it wouldn’t fit witht he character. Blast it has a big logic hole in it though. Anyway, Taker AGAIN fights back, this time from in the casket but Yoko steals the urn and hits him with it, which apparently is more powerful than 9 guys beating on him but whatever. The top comes off the urn, and green smoke comes pouring out of it.

Taker stops getting up, and after a ton of finishers and big moves, FINALLY they close the casket. Bigelow jumping on top of it as soon as it’s shut made me chuckle for some reason. However, we’re not done yet. The heels, all 12 of them, start wheeling the casket back, and the gong is heard. Smoke similar to the kind from the urn starts coming out of the casket as the lights go out.

On the screen, we see a shot of Taker lying on his back (despite being thrown in on his stomach/side) and his eyes pop open. He gives a ridiculously over the top speech, which amazingly can be heard throughout the arena, more or less saying that he’ll be back. Oh also, we’re led to believe this is inside the casket, despite seeing the bottom of the lid of the casket is plain wood. We hear electrical sounds and the screen looks like it’s being electrocuted, until the image of Taker actually explodes.

I don’t mean that in a figurative sense. I mean it looks like the Death Star blowing up, but all that’s left is a negative picture of Taker, as in his body and clothes are all white and his skin is black if you know what kind of picture I’m talking about. Oh we’re not done yet. That image is then changed so that it looks like he’s rising up out of the screen, and then to top it off, a man (allegedly Marty Jannetty) is on top of the screen and raised up on visible strings into the rafters.

There’s just one problem: On PPV, YOU CAN’T SEE ANY OF THIS! I’ve seen this show about 10 times and until I read about it, I had zero idea what was going on that Vince and DiBiase were freaking out about. This time I knew what to look for and I could see it, but DANG I had no idea that’s what was going on for years.

Vince and Ted scream about how supernatural that was. After the heels run off, Bearer has the now smokeless urn and is pointing up while pushing the casket away. That was just…uh yeah.

Rating: F. This is an F for one reason: they have just completely screwed up Undertaker’s character. This match, and more importantly the smoke from the urn being the source of Taker’s power reminded me of the Midi-Chlorians from Phantom Menace. You don’t explain the Force. You just know what it is and what it’s capable of, but you never question it.

That’s why Taker worked so well. We just knew he had powers and abilities, but by trying to explain them or show what they were was just a waste of time. This was insane and just didn’t work at all. Taker would be out for about 7 months until LESLIE FREAKING NIELSEN was brought in to “solve” the case in a horrible comedy bit at Summerslam. Yeah, Vince really didn’t have a freaking clue how Taker’s character worked. This was horrible. Oh and the “match” sucked too.

Savage says he’ll win the Rumble and get Crush.

Jarrett says he’ll win too.

Tatanka says there’s no friends and he’ll win.

Diesel says he’s going to Mania. Well I’d hope so. I’d hate for Vince to keep his own employees from going.

Doink is excited.

Shawn says he’ll be the new champion at Mania.

Luger says this is his big chance.

Vince and DiBiase says anything can happen and keep talking about Taker.

Royal Rumble

After Howard goes over the rules, we’re ready to go. Oh and it’s 90 seconds this year instead of 2 minutes. Number one is Scott Steiner and he gets Samu of the Headshrinkers. What a coincidence AGAIN! They punch the heck out of each other and again, the idiocy of power vs. power is shown. Also considering this is Samu this isn’t going to go well at all. The clock is sponsored now. I give up.

Rick is #3, so shockingly a team has gotten almost consecutive numbers. How do people not catch this time after time? As the Casio clock, so at least it’s a watch company, gets us to zero, Kwang is 4th. He’s more commonly known as Savio Vega in case you’ve never heard of him. As he comes out, Samu misses a cross body and gets his head caught between the top and middle ropes to be eliminated soon after.

Kwang hits the Muta mist to Rick to get it to one on one. DiBiase points out how easy it would be to just have the Steiners beat on everyone as they came at them which is true, but what does he know? Vince says Rick is smarting from the mist still. I think he said that so that it can be said that Rick is smart for the only time in his career. Scott is rocking the Triforce on his singlet so if nothing else he looks cool.

Owen Hart is fifth to some HUGE boos. He takes out the visually impaired Rick without much trouble and the double team on Scott begins until Bart Gunn is in at 6th. This is going too fast. Apparently something has happened in the back. Well it’s good to know that everyone isn’t just sitting around doing nothing. Diesel comes in at 7 to apparently clear out some of these guys.

At this time he’s just a body guard with zero character to him at all. In about 40 seconds he drops all four guys and we have Backlund in at 8 and it’s one on one. Well at least we have something close to a story going here with the dominant giant. He hits the ring and starts crawling on his stomach. It looks dumb at first but DiBiase does his job and points out that Bob is going after Diesel’s legs.

People on Raw and Smackdown: PAY ATTENTION! That is what an analyst is supposed to do. He explained something that might have been a bit confusing otherwise and he’s got the resume and experience to be believable. See what I mean? It looked a bit odd, so the analyst said what’s going on. That wasn’t complicated at all, but some clarification is always a good thing. They can do more than make stupid jokes you know.

Bob actually gets Diesel close to out but just can’t do it which is fine. A few seconds later Diesel is on his own again, which for some reason surprises DiBiase. And Ted, you haven’t been in every Rumble. You’ve been at them all, just not in them all. Get your facts straight.

Billy Gunn is next, and apparently you can find out the order of the wrestlers by calling the WWF Hotline. WOW. Ok, where to begin with why that’s stupid. #1, it ruins the mystique of knowing who is in the match. 2, that’s the first time we’ve heard about that all night long so nice job of advertising. 3, who in the world thought that was a good idea? Never mind, it’s a Vince McMahon show and there’s money to be made. All is explained.

Anyway, mullet man is victim #6 of Big D, lasting maybe 15 seconds. What’s up with the way he punches? It’s like he hits people with the wrist. We see a clip from earlier to Tenryu and Kabuki jumping Luger in the back. Yeah you can tell it’s been a dominant performance if we have time for a segment during the match. The power of Shane Stevens stops them though.

Virgil is #10 as an alternate for Kamala and despite DiBiase laughing hysterically over it, Diesel drops him in about a minute. Wow we’re already a third done with this. We have a story here though so I’m very proud. This is a new approach to the match that really is working. Also we don’t have to worry about the ring filling up with jobbers. Ah here we go: Randy Savage is number 11 and he hammers the big man.

See this is a smart way of doing the Rumble: they had all those guys like the Gunns and Virgil and Kwang that weren’t going to mean a stupid thing and got them in and out so the bigger names can be around later on. That’s very smart and it gives you a bonus of making Diesel look amazing. I’ve always been a bit surprised that DiBiase and Savage’s feud from 88 was really never mentioned on WWF TV after it ended.

There was never any mention of them having any issues or of DiBiase main eventing a Wrestlemania or anything like that. It’s like it was forgotten, and it’s not like DiBiase is on bad terms with the company or something like that as far as I know. He’s made a ton of appearances over the years yet you never hear about it. Anyway, Jarrett is 12th as I have visions of WCW dancing in my head.

I kind of liked the Jarrett story of using wrestling as a springboard to country music. That’s very original if nothing else. Savage takes him out with relative ease so we’re back to him and Diesel again. It’s Crush to a huge reaction from the audience. He and Savage were in the middle of a mega feud at this point which was just purely awesome. For the life of me I don’t get why Crush never got a huge push.

Him against Hart would have been very interesting at least to me. Doink comes in because I guess there wasn’t enough stupid comedy to meet the quota. Savage is gone and we’re at two monsters against a clown. He actually is smart though as he just watches the big men fight. He actually sprays water from a flower and steps on their toes. Thankfully they wake up and beat the tar out of him as Bigelow comes in at fifteen.

This is going really fast but there’s a bit of a flow to it here and it’s not as bad as I expected it to be. Bigelow puts Doink out with the same thing he did to I think Spike Dudley in ECW, which had just started to be booked by Heyman two months prior to this show.

Since he’s an idiot, Crush hits Diesel when they have Bigelow an inch away from being out. Mabel is 16th as the smallest person out there is Crush as 6’9 and about 310lbs. Diesel goes right for him as I’m digging this planning of the Rumble. There’s been distinct segments here and that’s a major plus. And here’s Bob Holly to screw that up. He’s subbing for 1-2-3 Kid. WOW that’s not a good way either way.

WE ARE LIVE! WE GET IT ALREADY VINCE! What’s the freaking point in showing wide shots of the crowd and saying how live we are? I didn’t buy this PPV to be shown the audience. I bought it for the matches, so quit showing big wide shots of the stupid crowd and emphasizing that you’re live. It means jack and no one cares but you. WOW how many things could that be said about that he’s come up with?

Shawn is in at 18. All of the big guys get on Diesel and Shawn gives the final shove to put him out. That gets no reaction at all. He gets some applause on his way out though, and you can hear the wheels turning in Vince’s mind. Mo, the most worthless wrestler of all time is in next. Greg Valentine (seriously???) is in at 20 to a decent pop (seriously???). 21 is Tatanka to a short but loud pop.

To recap, we’ve got Crush, Bigelow, Mabel, Holly, Shawn, Mo, Valentine and Tatanka in there at the moment. Kabuki is in next as someone else that no one knows. A bunch of people jump Mabel and he’s out, which surprises Vince for no apparent reason. Luger sprints out with apparently no damage at all to him from the earlier attack and naturally goes straight after Kabuki, and there he goes.

In a STUNING, yes STUNNING I say, turn of events, Tenryu is next at 24. The buzzer rings for 25 but no one comes out, which was apparently Bret Hart. To recap, we have Crush, Bigelow, Holly, Michaels, Mo, Valentine, Tatanka, Luger and Tenryu. Luger and Michaels could have been an interesting feud. Martel, more commonly known as he who will not go away, is 26th and it amazes me that we’re this close to being done.

At 27, in the words of Vince, IT’S BRET HART!!! He’s limping badly so of course everyone goes for his knee. He’s barely in there when Fatu is out at 28. We’ve got WAY too many people in there at the moment with something like 11 or so. A ton of people get together to eliminate Crush as Marty Jannetty comes in and goes right for Shawn. Now, since we have 10 guys in the ring, what’ the best thing to do? Why, go to the back to hear from Crush!!!

Yep, they actually cut from the ring to Ray Rougeau in the back with Crush for an interview. Savage jumps him and they brawl. This would have been stupid if it went on for 20 seconds, but it lasts over a minute! Also you can see Adam Bomb clearly standing there getting ready to come out so it also gives away #30. We get back to the ring and apparently nothing has happened, but geez how freaking stupid was that? They hate each other, we get it already.

Ok, so with Bomb, who Vince says will win the Rumble, gives us a final group of Bomb, Bigelow, Holly, Shawn, Mo, Valentine, Tatanka, Luger, Tenryu, Martel, Fatu and Jannetty. Oh and they figure out that the guy that didn’t show was Bastian Booger.

Bret and Shawn eliminate Holly. They work very well together. I hope those two do more in the future. With such great teamwork they could really do some great things. Ok bad jokes are mostly over as we have 11 people left. Dang that’s just too many at the end. Bret Hart beats on Mo which has to be the highlight of Mo’s career. Bret is limping everywhere, so he wins salesman of the year already. Valentine is out.

They’re just kind of mulling around at this point. Martel is out by Tatanka. Bomb is out as we’ve rapidly picked up the pace. Mo is out and gets no recognition by name. I love that. Bam Bam just throws Tatanka out like a jobber. Are these guys all double parked or something? Bigelow does a Flair Flip and goes out by Luger. Jannetty goes out and we’re down to five with Luger, Hart, Tenryu, Michaels and Fatu. Hart and Luger get rid of Tenryu to take us down to four.

Bret and Shawn go at it, as I’m completely unstunned. Shawn and Fatu go out on stereo backdrops and we’ve got Luger vs. Bret. They go right at it and dump each other out at the same time. Both men are announced as the winner individually and since Hart gets a bigger pop I guess he wins.

They’re named co-winners, even though later on we would see video where Luger clearly hit the ground first. Tunney comes out and makes the official co-winner decision. This led to a coin toss where the winner would get the first title shot at Mania and the other guy had to fight someone “of an equal level”, which led to Bret vs. Owen. Had Bret won the toss, Luger would have fought Crush.

No matter what, the person that didn’t get the shot would get the title shot later in the night against whoever had the belt after the first title match. I like that system a lot better than the triple threat which wasn’t around in the WWF yet. Granted that could be because we’ve seen so many triple threats that they’ve lost their luster. Anyway, that ends our show.

Rating: B. This was a good Rumble. I was quite surprised that the intervals worked as well as they did here, since the shorter ones usually don’t work that well. This had a lot of segments in it and you could tell that it was well planned. 92’s was better simply because of star power, but this is easily the 2nd best so far.

I really liked this match and it did a lot of good things, including advancing stories and making you interested in seeing how they would fix the issues brought up in the match. That to me makes it a success. It’s not great, but it’s very good.

Overall Rating: B. This was a mostly solid show. If you factor out the Taker/Yoko debacle this is an instant A. Razor vs. IRS is probably the weakest match but it works very well and certainly isn’t bad at all. The Rumble itself is a good one and the tag titles is must see stuff.

You factor in all those things and this was a very good show. There’s more here than just the Rumble, but that’s the centerpiece. Overall definitely a good show and well worth checking out, as long as you’re not a diehard Taker fan because you might want to shoot your TV.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




In Your House #3: Everybody, All Together Now!

IMG Credit: WWE

In Your House 3: Triple Header
Date: September 24, 1995
Location: Saginaw Civic Center, Saginaw, Michigan
Attendance: 5,146
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Savio Vega vs. Waylon Mercy

Cornette, Fuji, Yokozuna and British Bulldog are panicking in the back because WWF President Gorilla Monsoon is saying the tag titles might have to be forfeited. Gorilla says the title match is happening tonight.

Sycho Sid vs. Henry Godwinn

Post match Kama Mustafa comes out to help Sid and DiBiase try to slop Henry but Bam Bam Bigelow makes the save and pours the slop on DiBiase again.

British Bulldog vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Dean Douglas vs. Razor Ramon

This is a result of Dean insulting Razor for losing the Intercontinental Title match at Summerslam and Ramon has bad ribs coming in. Razor goes right for him to start and clotheslines Douglas out to the floor. Back in and they take each other to the mat a few times with no one being able to get an advantage. Dean fires off some right hands but gets hiptossed over the top and out to the floor. We cut to the split screen again with Mabel looking at Yokozuna and Cornette looking thrilled. Nothing is official though.

Jean Pierre LaFitte vs. Bret Hart

Bret hooks the armbar but gets clotheslined down, sending Lawler into fits of glee. LaFitte stomps away as this is still in first or second gear. Bret gets pounded down in the corner before missing a charge into the post to damage his own shoulder. We get the required Bret chest first into the buckle bump as things speed up a little bit. Bret manages to backdrop Jean over the top to the floor but gets sent into the steps for his troubles.

Bret gets his jacket back post match.

Tag Titles/WWF World Title/Intercontinental Title: Yokozuna/British Bulldog vs. Shawn Michaels/Diesel

All titles are on the line here with the person getting the fall winning the belt of whomever they pin. Smith and Shawn get things going by trading some weak hammerlocks. A backdrop puts Smith down and a clothesline sends him to the floor with Shawn skinning the cat to get back in. Yokozuna comes in sans tag but Diesel punches him out to the floor, leaving the good guys to rule the ring.

Jim Ross points out how ridiculous this is to end the show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1997 (2012 Redo): It’s Montreal

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1997
Date: November 9, 1997
Location: Molson Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 20,593
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Team New Age Outlaws vs. Team Headbangers

New Age Outlaws, Godwins

Headbangers, New Blackjacks

The Outlaws are of course Billy Gunn and the Road Dogg, the Headbangers (a hard to describe team that wore skirts and jumped into each other) are Mosh and Thrasher, and the Blackjacks are Barry Windham and Bradshaw. Windham (looking FAT here) starts with Phineas, the latter of which is immediately knocked to the floor with a shoulder block. This is when the Outlaws are a new team of jobbers who would soon shock the world and win the Tag Team Titles from the Legion of Doom.

Thrasher (who actually had a big hand in training Big Show) comes in and works on the arm but Phineas takes him down in return. This has been really dull so far. Thrasher goes up and hits the Stage Dive (top rope seated senton) for the pin to make it 2-2. Off to Bradshaw vs. Road Dogg with the former pounding away. A gutwrench powerbomb puts Dogg down but a Billy distraction lets Dogg get a school boy to pin Bradshaw.

Thrasher pounds on Dogg but walks into a pumphandle slam. He counters into a cover on the Dogg but Billy comes off the top with a legdrop. Now when I say legdrop, I mean he literally is a foot away from Thrasher but gets the pin anyway. This looked so bad that even though I had seen it before, it still made my jaw drop. The Outlaws survive.

Rating: F-. The ending alone makes this a failure, but on top of that, the best worker in this match was Thrasher by far. Let that sink in for a minute. The Outlaws had only been the Outlaws for a month and a half or so at this point so no one cared about them, the Godwins are as interesting as corporate accounting, the Blackjacks are the Blackjacks, and the Headbangers are barely interesting at all. This was a horrible match and an even worse choice for an opener.

Truth Commission vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

Jackyl, Interrogator, Sniper, Recon

Crush, 8-Ball, Skull, Chainz

Jackyl drops a top rope knee which is immediately no sold. He chops away a bit but walks into a sidewalk slam from 8-Ball for the pin to make it 3-3. Sniper jumps 8-Ball and hits some elbows for two as Jackyl is on commentary now. Off to Crush, the leader of the team, who stomps away on Sniper a bit. Recon comes back in to face Skull and a collision sends Skull to the floor. 8-Ball comes in illegally and clotheslines Recon down for the pin.

Rating: F. In ten minutes, we had seven eliminations, four of which were by the SAME FREAKING MOVE. This was another match where just like the first, there was no one out there that could carry things to make the match work in any way. It makes Interrogator looks good, but it barely accomplished that because of how bad the match was.

Some fans are split over the main event.

Austin answers some questions from America Online.

We recap Team Canada vs. Team USA. Steve Blackman is in the match for the Americans now after running into the ring to save Vader on Monday so tonight is his debut.

Team USA vs. Team Canada

Team USA: Vader, Steve Blackman, Marc Mero, Goldust

Team Canada: British Bulldog, Jim Neidhart, Doug Furnas, Phillip Lafon

Kane vs. Mankind

Kane loads up a chokeslam on the floor but Mankind kicks him low (which only works on Kane on occasion) and DDTs him on the concrete. The elbow off the apron hits Kane again but Kane sits up and slams Mankind off the top to the floor. Back in and Mankind literally pulls himself up to his feet and is immediately tombstoned for the pin.

Rating: C+. When you have a new guy you want to put over, you call Mick Foley. This is a match you have to think about to get why it worked. First and foremost, Kane is supposed to be a monster who has very little experience in the ring. Think of him like Jason from Friday the 13th who just wants carnage instead of wanting to wrestle. These two beat the tar out of each other and it made Kane look unstoppable. That would continue for about five and a half months until the Dead Man came back.

Vince says the main event will happen tonight.

Team Legion of Doom vs. Nation of Domination

Legion of Doom, Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson

Intercontinental Title: Steve Austin vs. Owen Hart

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn comes back and slams Bret down but Bret rolls through a cross body off the top for two. Bret puts on the Hartbreaker, the figure four around the post for a bit before going after the knee in almost perfect Ric Flair fashion, down to the cannonballs down to the knee and a Figure Four.

Ratings Comparison

Team New Age Outlaws vs. Team Headbangers

Original: D+

Redo: F-

Truth Commission vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

Original: F

Redo: F

Team Canada vs. Team USA

Original: B+

Redo: C-

Kane vs. Mankind

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Team Legion of Doom vs. Nation of Domination

Original: B

Redo: C

Steve Austin vs. Owen Hart

Original: C

Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Original: B+

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: D+

Now there’s a major change, likely the biggest so far.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/06/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1997-what-a-screwy-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1997 (Original): That One Night

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1997
Date: November 9, 1997
Location: Molson Centere, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 20,593
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Well, here we are. Perhaps the most infamous show in the history of professional wrestling, we have arrived at Montreal. I’ll save my thoughts on the Screwjob for the end of the review and for once, actually focus on the show as a whole. This is the culmination of the entire Border War storyline with Austin and Michaels unofficially teaming up to fight Canada and the Hart Foundation who were one of the best heel stables I can remember, despite them only being around for a bit.

Shawn got this title shot for winning the first ever Hell in a Cell match against Taker a month prior to this. That also leads into another match on the show as we have Kane’s PPV debut (he would soon debut on Raw in a handicap match, squashing two jobbers named Matt and Jeff Hardy). Other than that we have Austin vs. Owen in a rematch from Summerslam for Owen’s newly won IC Title.

The other four matches are all Survivor Series matches. We’re in the Attitude Era now, with tonight being considered by some to be the official start. I could see that, but the Attitude Era roster was already here with guys like the Outlaws, the Nation and Ken Shamrock here now, so I’d certainly say that this is the Era, but for the sake of argument we’ll say it begins tonight. Anyway, with the ending being the important part that I’d think most of you are interested in, let’s get closer to that.

The NWO is absolutely dominating at this point with the WWF on the brink. However, they would manage to blow the biggest chance in the history of professional wrestling to end Vince with the absolute disaster that was Starrcade 97. This is the show that got people talking about the WWF again though, and ultimately caused the downfall of WCW in the end which you would know about if you’ve seen the match.

We open with the video hyping this as the rematch of Wrestlemania 12. Bret talks about how he got screwed in Anaheim and he doesn’t like the way Shawn acts. Shawn says get over it. The interesting thing here is that this could almost be classified as heel vs. heel. Bret was top heel, and Shawn was certainly acting like a heel, yet Bret will easily be the crowd favorite, with Shawn being the face by default I guess. That’s certainly an interesting issue to have.

We have to introduce both other announce teams for no good reason.

Headbangers/New Blackjacks vs. New Age Outlaws/Godwins

Bradshaw and Barry Windham are the Blackjacks. This started over Billy breaking a boom box over the head of Thrasher. The other teams were feuding…maybe. The announcer speaks French, which I guess makes sense. Road Dogg does the talking intro to the Godwins slow banjo music, and actually calls the Headbangers queers. I’m very surprised that made it onto the video release. He slips in some more gay slurs, which is very surprising as well.

The Outlaws at this point are a brand new team that is more about talking than what they did in the ring. In other words, they got right into what they were known for. The hog farmers are heels now, and somehow still validate a paycheck each which defies any and all logic to me. Phineas tries to leave but it turns out he’s coming back. Dang it I was hoping we could get this done early. I’ll give Russo this: he had different tag teams. That’s more than we get today.

According to Lawler, no one wants to lose one of these matches. Well I’m glad people like winning. I was afraid I was in a Disney movie where giving away wins was the important thing as long as you don’t cheat. The styles between Henry and Bradshaw are clashing badly here and it’s not working.

Bradshaw gets an abdominal stretch on and drops backwards to roll up Henry for the pin. That was kind of cool actually. Who in their right mind would believe that of these 8, he would have the most successful career? Actually you might because none of them looked like much at this point.

Phineas is in now and brawls with Bradshaw as we hear more about Granny Godwin. Windham just doesn’t look right with black hair and a mustache. I don’t have to look at it anymore because he just got pinned. Mosh is actually quite over. That’s just odd. Billy gets a good solid booing, so apparently he’s doing his job correctly. They make a Sadaam Hussein reference which is just out of place. Billy just looks weird in long tights.

This isn’t much of a match as most of the people just don’t fit in it at all. Billy hits a weird looking move to end Mosh. Mosh is going for a bulldog out of the corner but Billy slams him forward face first into the mat for the pin. That was different at least. It’s 3-2 if you’re counting. How sad is it that I know all 8 men’s real names? We’re on to Thrasher and Phineas now as the greatness of this match is just getting better and better.

Ross says Vince is busy as I’m analyzing every single thing about this show now looking for clues about it. I think we’re having audio difficulties here as we have no talking for a few seconds. Apparently Road Dogg was yelling at them and they lost focus? That’s great stuff there guys. Ross isn’t a character anymore and it’s the standard commentating formula that you know and love/hate/tolerate/cut yourself to.

Thrasher pins Phineas after a Stage Dive (seated senton like Mysterio uses) to make it 2-2. Road Dogg comes in for the first time in the whole match and he gets Bradshaw. The Outlaws were an interesting story as they had this epically bad feud for months and months. They were fighting again on Shotgun Saturday Night (which needs a review of its own sometime) when they actually said that their careers were going nowhere fighting each other so they should team up.

This is the result. Anyway, Road Dogg rolls Bradshaw up and hooks the tights for the pin which didn’t actually hit but whatever. He goes nuts and beats up the Outlaws before he leaves it 2-1 with the Outlaws vs. Thrasher. He’s the one that got hit with the boom box, so Thrasher is actually the point of a feud. Oh my goodness indeed. OH GOOD GRIEF WHAT WAS THAT? Ok, so Road Dogg goes for the pump handle but Thrasher reverses into a cover.

Billy goes up for a guillotine leg drop, AND MISSES BY TWO FREAKING FEET! I mean when he lands, you can see the mat between his leg and the two bodies, but THRASHER SELLS IT. That’s how it ends. I literally do not know how to respond to that. It was the absolute worst miss and sell that I’ve ever seen. I mean literally there were two feet between them. I’m stunned.

Rating: D+. This is partially for that ending, but other than that, the match just bombed overall. There was just nothing of interest here and it was just four teams beating on each other for 15 minutes. The Outlaws were clearly going to be either a big deal or something close to one and they certainly were. Other than that, there’s nothing here so it’s a traditional Attitude Era opener: all flash and very little substance.

Truth Commission vs. Disciples of Apocalypse

Dang I forgot about the gang wars period. Ah the Truth Commission. Now if there has ever been a stable that I would have liked to see go further, this was it. We’re not incredibly sure what it was, but that was kind of the point. They were led by the Jackyl, who would become known as Cyrus in ECW. He was kind of a cult leader with this weird brainwashing/mind control thing going on. The Truth Commission was based on South African military units that investigated Apartheid acts after it was outlawed.

One of them would later become known as Bull Buchanan and the big one would become known as Kurrgan. They were very interesting and different, so naturally they were split up and Kurrgan was turned into a comedy character. Allegedly Jackyl was going to be a big deal in the Ministry, but that never came through as he left. This was the era in the company where most of the midcard guys were in gangs.

You had the DOA, the Truth Commission, Los Boricuas, the Hart Foundation and the Nation. It was rather annoying as it turned into a ton of eight man tags that weren’t any good. The Truth Commission here is comprised of Jackyl, Kurrgan, Sniper and Recon. Recon is Bull Buchanan, so we’ll refer to them as Jackyl, Kurrgan, Buchanan and Turnip, because that’s about as much as he’s worth.

The DOA, who don’t have motorcycles yet, are comprised of Skull and 8-Ball (the tall bald twins that are in every wrestling company ever yet never win anything), Chainz (Underfaker/Brian Lee from ECW) and Crush. Lee was good at times, but this is going to be a mess. We start with a massive brawl so I’m likely right. Chainz and Kurrgan start, This lasts about a minute as Chainz takes a sidewalk slam to end him.

Jackyl isn’t on the apron most of the time. Buchanan comes in against one of the twins. JR isn’t sure which it is either. Jackyl comes in off the top with a knee that’s not sold. Three punches and sidewalk slam later we’re tied up. Wait, did two guys just use the same generic finishing move to get rid of people? Was Skull watching the match? You just don’t do that.

You’re a big power guy. There’s about a dozen moves there you could use to get rid of him: boot, spinebuster, powerslam etc., but you use the SAME FREAKING THING. And you wonder why no one cares about you. Turnip comes in next to waste more time. Jackyl is doing commentary now and washes a few brains as we go. I hope he waxes them too. The crowd is just dead here.

The twins switch and a clothesline gets rid of Buchanan. Ok so we’ve had three eliminations: two by sidewalk slams and one by clothesline. A nap sounds good now. After a boring exchange, Turnip hits a bulldog, which is somehow the best elimination move of the match by leaps and bounds, to get rid of a twin, leaving us at a twin and Crush vs. Kurrgan and Turnip. Since the boring pace and repetitive moves have worked so well and gotten such great reactions, we continue with it.

None of this is worth talking about at all as it’s just boring power moves by not incredibly talented big men. Kurrgan gets a blind tag and after the other twin puts Turnip down, he walks into a, get ready, SIDEWALK SLAM for the pin. My goodness was that a reaction? Yes I believe it was.

I have no idea what for so I’m assuming a sale on popcorn. Actually it’s for Crush. Crush is popular? Why? I don’t get it, but ok I guess. He puts Turnip out with a powerslam but as he gets up, I kid you not, he becomes the fourth out of 7 men in the match to be eliminated with a sidewalk slam.

Rating: F. There is no way to validate using the same finishing move FOUR times. On top of that, one of them was from another guy. Now I can get a wrestler being limited to a few moves. I could see if this was Orton hitting three RKOs for three pins, but if say Ted DiBiase used it as well, then it’s just stupid. This was a bad match as the moves and wrestlers were boring, there was ZERO plot, and the crowd hated it. This was a complete waste of ten minutes.

A bunch of fans say who they think will win. Surprisingly, Shawn seems to be the favorite, but not by much. I’d call it 50/50 actually but it’s very close.

As we talk about being in Montreal, King gets in a funny line about not knowing it was Halloween because no city could have faces like this. It’s corny but I laughed. Lawler has a great delivery.

Austin is dictating messages to a person posting them on AOL. That’s perfect for him actually.

For the third year in a row, Karate Fighters is sponsoring this. That might be a record of some kind.

We get a recap of how Blackman is in this upcoming match. He jumped the railing and beat up Bulldog but Anvil just tackled him. Apparently he was able to get a job, trained and onto a PPV in 6 days. That’s not bad.

Team USA vs. Team Canada

USA: Goldust, Vader, Marc Mero, Steve Blackman
Canada: Furnas, Lafon, Jim Neidhart, British Bulldog

That’s a great American team isn’t it? Oh yes it is. On the Canadian side, Lafon is French, Bulldog is British, Furnas is from Oklahoma and Neidhart was always billed as from Nevada. In a quick interview, Vader says they have nothing in common other than they don’t like Canadian meanies. It’s not Vader Time. It’s America Time. Yes he really said that. Team America comes out to a familiar song. For some reason I want to start chanting YOU SUCK to the beat of this song.

The Americans get a decent pop but nothing great. Goldust has paint on his face saying F U, which stands for Forever Unchained. Well ok then. Bulldog says Canada will win. They come out to Bret’s music to a huge pop. Ross says this is like game 7 between the Canadiens and the Rangers. The Rangers won the cup in 94, so does that make any sense to anyone? I guess it’s because New York might as well be the national capital?

JR points out all of the un Canadian things I mentioned, but apparently Lafon is French-Canadian, so that’s somehow better. Lawler points out how truly awful this face team is. Mero, who recently turned heel, starts with Bulldog. This isn’t going to be pretty is it? Team Canada is ridiculously over. Bulldog mocking karate poses is just funny. The fans chant for Sable which was Mero’s main and pretty much only storyline for the rest of his time in the company.

Vader, the only somewhat likable member of his time, comes in to beat on Bulldog for awhile. Goldust has just started going freaky as he has just left Marlena. I never got the appeal of her. She’s just not sexy looking. Bulldog has the crowd going insane as he hits his vertical delay suplex ON VADER. Yes, he actually held him there for a bit. I don’t care if you like Bulldog or not, but that’s just freaking scary power.

Lafon and Mero are in now, and for some reason, Mero is on long term offense. What was the appeal of this guy? The boxing thing I think was what killed him as it was just far too one dimensional. Blackman comes in and clearly knows what he’s doing as JR tries to convince us he’s not a trained wrestler. It’s so painfully obvious that he is as he is clearly experienced at least in something beyond the basics as he’s crisp and is going on instinct as you can tell.

He beats up all four heels, or maybe they’re faces as I’m not sure anymore (Russo’s vision begins to come true). Anyway they hit the floor and Blackman is counted out as he doesn’t know the rules that well yet. Well at least that makes sense storyline wise. For some reason this takes a minute or so to explain to him. Ross contradicts himself again by saying Blackman knows and then later that he doesn’t know catch as catch can style.

Neidhart against Mero now, so the level of talent is somehow going up. Neidhart majored in psychology at UCLA. That’s actually kind of impressive. I didn’t know that one. Vader apparently likes USC because he kills Neidhart with power moves and a splash. How many times is Anvil overpowered?

Lafon knocks Vader to the floor with nothing but kicks, which is kind of impressive as well. They hit the floor and Vader is getting beaten up. How did he fall so far in a single year? At Summerslam 96 he was the top heel in the company and now he’s in the midcard at best. He KILLS Lafon with a belly to belly that looked amazingly painful to set up a huge splash from the middle rope, and we’re down to 3-2.

Furnas hits the weakest looking dropkick that I can ever remember which of course drops Vader. It was worse than the springboard version that Tyler Reks uses. In a BADLY botched spot, Mero goes for his moonsault from the top, but Furnas I think was trying to turn it into a powerslam where he would slam Mero forward. Somehow, and I don’t actually know how this happened, Mero wound up on top.

Mero was coming down with a good looking moonsault to a standing Furnas, and Furnas hit the mat head first. This defied anything resembling a law of physics. The announcers are even confused on who got hit with what. He gets the tag to Bulldog, who gets one of the absolute loudest roars I’ve ever heard. That was beyond a pop. The fans were so loud there you almost couldn’t hear a slam on the mat.

It’s a shame he would leave over what happens in the main event. Furnas pins Mero with tights being held. Thank goodness one of them is gone at least. They were both just annoying. Mero had no character at all. I know he was a boxer, but come on now. There’s just no substance there at all. Goldust still hasn’t been in the match at all. Even the announcers point out that Vader has carried his team here and that’s certainly true.

He’s the only one that hasn’t gotten embarrassed out there. Goldust refuses to tag in, blaming a hand injury. This would be the start of a bad feud between the two with Goldust becoming the Artist Formerly Known As Goldust. Apparently he’s rejecting his responsibilities by divorcing his wife and giving up as a father. I hate angles that get that in depth. It’s just complete overkill. My eyes just bugged out. Furnas hit an overhead belly to belly on Vader and got air underneath it.

I mean Vader was airborne for that. That’s two times in this match that he’s been put in power moves. I don’t ever recall that, and it’s not like he’s dropped weight or something at this point. That was impressive. He follows that up with a Frankensteiner. Good grief this guy isn’t half bad. He’s trying if nothing else. Furnas isn’t a big guy or anything. According to Wikipedia he’s 5’11 and under 250lbs.

That’s below average actually, but he made it look awesome. I’m impressed if nothing else. I’m also legit surprised that these two never got over at all. Vader has finally had enough and nails Goldust who walks out. Ross says he’s walking about on his team and country, just like he did on his family. Vader hits the Vader Bomb to end Furnas and in about 20 seconds Bulldog smacks him (kind of) with the bell to win it with a HUGE pop.

Rating: B+. This was just a sweet match. This is the closest Vader ever got to being the dominant force he should have been after Summerslam 96. He just looked awesome on all levels out there, hitting everything perfectly and looking like a guy that should have been the captain of his team.

For the life of me I don’t get why he didn’t get pushed. I also don’t get why Smith is so over here. I mean he’s getting a pop that should be reserved for Bret in Canada. This was just a fun match overall and the ending worked perfectly. It doesn’t make up for the first two, but I’m interested now at least.

Buy this Steve Austin shirt.

We get a recap of Kane’s arrival, which I’ve always thought was one of the best done feuds in wrestling history. It worked for a number of reasons, but the big one was he was talked about for months but you never saw him. You kept hearing the name Kane and you saw Taker’s reactions to it. That’s a brilliant strategy for debuting a character.

You keep hearing about someone over and over again and eventually you don’t care what he looks like and you’re going to think he’s awesome no matter what you see. That’s exactly what happened here, and the debut went great too. It brought Taker to a level he doesn’t go to that often, but when he does it’s EPIC. Anyway, this is happening because Kane was beating up random people and one of them was Dude Love. Foley became Mankind again to fight Kane, leading us to this.

Kane vs. Mankind

This is Kane’s major debut for all intents and purposes. He beat up some jobbers (the Hardy Boys actually) but hasn’t had any official match against legit competition yet. Mankind says he’ll throw himself against a brick wall as many times as he has to until he knocks it down. Foley meets him in the aisle and it’s on immediately.

Kane throws him into the steps and he’s in trouble. Everything in covered in that red light here too which is always annoying. There’s the fire out of the corner and hey we get a bell too. Cactus Clothesline as we more or less say screw the ring. Kane throws the steps at Foley’s head as this is one sided so far. Back inside now.

Domination here by Kane. On the floor though Kane takes a hot shot into the steps and for the first time ever Kane is in trouble. Foley caves his head in with a chair and Kane kind of shakes it off. Piledriver by Foley but Mankind goes after Paul Bearer instead. Kane pops up and launches Mankind from the apron through the announce table. Nice one.

Tito Santana is hurt somehow. It would be nice to see this but with that red light everywhere you can’t really see anything. Ross wrote that off as a power. I love little things like that. Mankind gets a DDT on the floor as he won’t die. He hits the elbow from the apron which he blames most of his hip injuries on. Kane lays him out on the floor as momentum shifts again. Tombstone ends this clean.

Rating: C+. I don’t get the point of the red light but whatever. This was sloppy, but I think that was the point. It’s Kane’s first time in a ring allegedly, and Foley is sloppy to begin with so that makes sense. For a debut, it did exactly what it was supposed to do: it made Kane look like an absolute monster that could kill whomever he faced.

The choice of Mankind was perfect considering what he had done to Taker in the past. You knew the showdown was coming, but the only question was when. When it finally happened at Mania 14, the drama could not have been better, and the whole thing delivered perfectly.

Send in your cable bill and get a free dog tag. They should do more stuff like this. It’s a good customer relations thing. Maybe throw out a t-shirt or something like that.

We go to the back where Vince and Slaughter (the Commissioner at the time and in Vince’s pocket) is with Cole. Slaughter guarantees the match will happen tonight. Oddly that has nothing to do with the Screwjob. Part of the problem leading up this was that the match had been scheduled before but it kept getting canceled due to injuries.

That’s why a lot of people thought the ending was another work because it had happened so many times, with the people thinking the REAL rematch would be at Mania 14. Obviously they were wrong. Vince says he doesn’t know who will win, but he just ever so slightly chuckles before he says it.

It’s so tiny that you wouldn’t notice it the first time watching the show. Granted, it easily could have been classified as just Vince being unsure for kayfabe’s sake. This was destined to be huge, but unfortunately it’s for the wrong reasons.

Nation of Domination vs. Ken Shamrock/Ahmed Johnson/LOD

The Nation is Farrooq, Kama (Godfather), D’Lo Brown and Rock, who was absolutely hated at this point. Like I said yesterday, he was so happy all the time and the people got flat out sick of it. He got hurt and came back as the heel Rock, joining the Nation which was what he needed to do all along. The company knew that they had struck gold with him so the next night, the angle that made his career began as he called out Steve Austin for the first time.

They met the next month at DX In Your House in the infamous truck match where the Austin style match was firmly cemented. The next night, Austin said he was going for the world title, and the rest is history. Those two had such a great chemistry together that it’s hard to come up with a pair that also had it. This feud gave us the absolutely amazing pager sequence, which ranks among my favorite wrestling moments ever.

It was just done perfectly and they had the crowd in the palms of their hands. Anyway, tangent over and let’s get to this. Ahmed is still in his eternal feud with the Nation, having actually turned heel for about a week before getting hurt AGAIN. He would be gone soon though. Shamrock was about to start feuding with Rock around the time of the Rumble, and the LOD are just faces fighting heels. We go to the back for an interview with the faces.

Shamrock has to talk loudly to be heard over the Rocky Sucks chants. He’s on a microphone and the crowd is drowning him out. That’s a hot crowd. LOD are the tag champions here as well. Shamrock is clearly reading off a script. Hawk gets about as close to a Warrior promo as you can while still making sense. Animal and Ahmed don’t talk. I get Ahmed but Animal was decent at talking.

It seems like whenever someone comes out they get no reaction but the fans pop after the name is said. I guess that’s the custom up there. I keep thinking that it’s odd that someone that was pushed pretty well is getting nothing from the crowd, but then it comes and my mind is calmed. A fan has a Stone Cold for President sign. I’ve been to Canada before, and I don’t remember them having a president.

Shamrock is apparently the future of the company. That’s just odd. He gets a very good pop though. Ahmed gets a good one as well. He’s just a freak, plain and simple. Ahmed actually looks more intimidating than Lesnar did. Now if he had any single pit of skill, he’s have been in the Hall of Fame 10 years ago. They both got good pops, but the one for LOD is epic. The fans blow the roof off for them to say the least. They’re a gimmick that just flat out works.

Both of them just look like they could beat the living heck out of anyone you put in the ring with them, and that often times is all you need. They don’t have their spikes though, which is odd to see. The belts just look perfect on them though. Screw Demolition, this is the coolest team ever. Ok that’s nonsense because I really like both teams but I don’t see them at the moment so my allegiance lies with the Road Warriors at the moment.

Hawk and D’Lo start and Brown is beaten up pretty badly here. He tags Rock in and Hawk slaps him a few times. He hits the ropes and someone hits him off camera, sending him into a somewhat odd looking Rock Bottom. He didn’t have the move down yet and it’s obvious that he didn’t. That took about a minute after the action started, so they’re clearly pushing Rocky hard here as they should.

Apparently this shocks JR, which means it was likely pretty average. Ahmed’s right leg looks like it’s covered in armor. Replays show that it was Kama that hit Hawk. How exactly do you knock someone down with authority? I’ve never gotten that term. Brown gets a leather strap from somewhere and whips Ahmed with it in the corner.

Farrooq beats on him for awhile but as he goes for the Dominator, Johnson rolls over, spins Farrooq around and hits the Pearl River Plunge for the pin to tie us up at three. Well that was quick. Brown comes in and hits the Low Down in about four seconds but doesn’t cover. It doesn’t have a name yet at Brown isn’t even the small deal that he would become. He’s about as low as you can get at this point.

Anyway, Ahmed gets up as Brown punches him. There is literally no reaction from Ahmed. It’s like that Bruiser Brody vs. Luger cage match where Brody stopped selling, but in this case it’s just Ahmed coming back. Dude at least let your head go back a bit to make it look like you’re trying. I get what you’re going for here but it’s just not working.

Ahmed hits a front falling suplex which for some reason the announcers have no idea how to describe. They call it everything from a reverse Michinoku Driver to a reverse Pearl River Plunge. Guys, it’s a front falling suplex. It’s been done many times before. Now we get to the stupid part of the match as Brown is on the mat and Ahmed hits the ropes. Farrooq has stayed at ringside and trips Ahmed and holds his foot down so Rock can just climb on him and pin him.

The other referee tries to get Rock to stop, but doesn’t do anything about it like perhaps yell about how there’s ANOTHER GUY HOLDING HIS FOOT to the in ring referee. He also doesn’t even tell the referee after the pin. So wait, what’s the point of the outside referee? Is his job to just get the wrestlers to the back? If that’s the case why not just have Dog the Bounty Hunter out there? Or maybe Cartman? Is Grannie from the Beverly Hillbillies still alive? Maybe she could referee. A

lso, let’s take a look at the referee in the ring. Number one, he sees Farrooq at ringside. He has to. He was there almost two minutes after he was pinned so I’m assuming the referee looked in that area at least once. If not he should be fired. Even still, let’s assume he was distracted by some cotton candy in the 14th row. Doesn’t it seem odd that a man randomly falling down with no one even in the area?

Actually wait, Farroq was near there. Hmm, the other referee is clearly trying to yell at someone in that area. Eh must be autograph hounds. You know how popular we referees are among Croatian youths age 8-12. Finally, what the heck? Ahmed was literally not even moving a few seconds ago when a grown man was punching him in the jaw, and now being tripped prevents him from raising his shoulder?

The guy is a freaking tank and he can’t raise his arm because someone has a grip on his foot? Tell me in any way shape or form how that even begins to make sense. I mean seriously, that’s the best he can do? He can’t even throw up his shoulder? I get that he was supposed to get beaten, but freaking move blast it. It’s not even realistic at all. Once Rocky gets off, Ahmed pops up and chases Farrooq to the back and they brawl on the way. Does Rock weigh as much as an actual rock or something? That was just ridiculously stupid. Getting rid of Ahmed by cheating make sense, but for the love of turnips is it that hard to do it with some intelligence?

ANYWAY, Rocky sucks apparently. He’s not the only thing. We have Rock vs. Shamrock now which would become one of the big feuds in a few months, yet Shamrock wouldn’t really ever do much because of one simple reason: he never took the title from Rock. He beat him about 5 times but he never got the title. That was kind of pointless but whatever. Somehow we’re not even halfway through with this match and I’ve said this much already.

This was during a weird time in the Nation as Rock was usurping Farroq’s leadership as he was clearly the bigger star. Somehow there was never a big match between the two. I never got why it didn’t happen. Kama and Animal go at it for awhile and I literally have never heard a quieter crowd. Rocky Sucks apparently though. Some weird sound effect goes off which the announcers clearly didn’t know was coming.

I think the sound guy (Kevin Dunn according to Lawler) fell asleep from how boring that segment was. Animal rolls up Kama to make it 2-2. It’s Brown and Rock against Animal and Shamrock. JR says it’s back down to 2-2. When was it 2-2 before Jimbo? Shamrock wearing black doesn’t work because his opponents are all wearing it. It just isn’t working that well from a looks perspective.

Brown low blows him to stop the momentum. Due to this, Rocky is gay. Lawler knows what lackadaisical, or however you spell that, means. Hey, since D’lo and Shamrock are fighting, let’s talk about Austin vs. Owen. Is this WCW all of a sudden? Jennifer Aniston is on the Tonight Show so I’m officially distracted. Granted it didn’t take much at this point as this match is going on a bit too long, but at least there’s a point to this one unlike the first two of them.

Eventually Animal and Rock get tagged in and as Animal is cleaning house, the Outlaws come out. Road Dogg has Animal’s spikes and Gunn is wearing Road Warrior face paint. It amuses me how they stole the spikes and the LOD didn’t just perhaps go to their locker room and take them back. Wouldn’t that have solved a lot of issues?

Billy throws powder in Animal’s eyes and he gets counted out. Billy Gunn with white powder. The cocaine jokes write themselves. Animal gives chase, since apparently Hawk was busy playing dominos or something.

It’s Shamrock against Brown and Rock. Apparently Shamrock made both Bret and Shawn tap within the last two weeks. I remember Shawn tapping but not Bret. Wait yes I do remember Bret’s tapping. King says that this is wrestling and you don’t win by tapping out. Ross says like heck you don’t. Ok wait a minute. Lawler was trying to say that tapping out means nothing in wrestling, but in reality he said the right thing: if you tap, you don’t win.

Ross says apparently that you do. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Lawler messed up a line but was incorrect in the first place so his mistake made him correct, and Ross corrected Lawler’s mistake but in reality Lawler was right so Ross’ correction was incorrect? X, I think I might have to get you to teach me how to do drugs. This is absurd on so many levels anymore. Rock won’t tag Brown.

Oh wait yeah he did, making him saying no completely pointless. Shamrock hits that sweet belly to belly that he would do and gets the ankle for the tap out on Brown. It’s not a suplex but more of a throw so there we are. Rock nails him with a chair as the ref is getting Brown out but he kicks out. Rock hits that spinning DDT he would do that I don’t think ever had a name. I think on Wrestlemania 2000 it was called the Maivia Hurricane.

Ross says Shamrock was shot with a shotgun. What in the world does that even mean? Ok I get what it means but why did he say it? I’m chalking that up to just another randomly stupid JR line. Rock hits the People’s Elbow, which wasn’t named or a big deal yet so he just looks like a complete moron pointing like that. Ok so he looked like a moron when it was a big deal too, but shockingly he doesn’t get the pin.

Could that have anything to do with the fact THAT IT’S A STANDARD ELBOW DROP? The ropes don’t add any momentum because the big leg kick slows him down. It’s a dumb move and I’ve never been able to stand it. Here’s the comeback from Kenny as it amazes me that when this was taking place, South Park was three months old. DANG that show has been around forever. Rock taps to the ankle lock in a pretty easy ending for Shamrock.

Rating: B. There are very slow parts here but also some very good parts. The ending was very solid with Shamrock looking great as he gets the clean tap out win over Rock. That would be enough to get him a world title match next month. Other than that, there’s some ok stuff here. For a twenty minute match, this was fine. It has some parts that drag and would have been better at about 3 minutes shorter, but overall I’m fine with this. Good match.

There’s a new attendance record for this building. JR calls the WWF the leader in pro wrestling. I can’t make a joke here. That’s just such a flat out lie that it’s beyond jokes. The company was so close to being dead at this point that words don’t describe it. Ok so maybe they do, but WCW was completely dominant at this point.

The change was coming, but it was nothing Vince did. WCW just screwed up so completely and then Vince capitalized on it, but dang man the idea of Vince saving anything. WCW screwed up and WWF took the opening, plain and simple.

Order DX In Your House next month. All the cool kids are doing it.

We get a recap of Austin and all his injuries and how he’d never quit. We also see him getting dropped on his head at Summerslam, which changed his entire life and career. Owen doesn’t like him either. Austin had to forfeit the title which Owen won in a tournament thanks to Austin, who wanted to beat Owen for it.

Intercontinental Title: Owen Hart vs. Steve Austin

Austin gets a solid pop, but it’s nothing major. He flips off the crowd so we know how this is going to go. He got hurt two months ago and he’s wrestling here? Owen has the siren music here which is rather annoying. You can tell Austin is loving getting to be the jerk heel again. He was on the verge of shattering the glass ceiling and it was just a matter of time before he would. Owen comes out with Bulldog, Neidhart and Furnas and Lafon.

Apparently that name is spelled Lafond. I’m not going back and changing them so get over it. Owen’s Owen 3:16 says I just broke your neck shirt is either awesome or tasteless. I’m not sure which one. We get the big stall from Owen to start which is classic heel stuff, but he’s clearly the face here. It’s just hard to book shows in Canada because you need to keep the heels and faces acting accordingly, but that’s very rarely going to fly up there so what can you do?

Neidhart tries to sneak in and gets a Stunner and we’re off and running. The Break His Neck chant starts up as well. The vest is still on. Owen sets for a piledriver and the fans LOVE it. Owen and Team Canada leave, which Lawler says is Owen opening a can of haul off. I’m not sure if that’s funny or not but I think it is. The announce table that Mankind went through is still down, which is funny because they’re just sitting there in chairs, so Owen rams him into the table as it’s on the floor.

Owen is trying to lose via DQ and tries to ring his own bell. In a weird ending, Austin reverses Owen in the corner, stomps the mudhole, tries the same piledriver that injured him, flips Owen off and stuns his way to the title. Team Canada takes them as well and that’s it? That was barely four minutes long, but ok I guess. The goal was accomplished.

My guess is that was all Austin could do as a lot of this was choking and really basic stuff. Austin winning gets a HUGE face pop, which is surprising. Actually it’s not. Austin was the undisputed top face in the company everywhere else, so that actually does make sense. It’s saying something when someone is more popular than a Hart in Canada.

Rating: C. I’m calling it average because there just isn’t enough here to really go on. It’s fine I guess, but in four minutes with a lot of stalling and stuff on the floor there’s only so much I can grade. Austin was still banged up and you could see that he was wrestling a very different style over the next few months and even years due to the injury.

The car angle in two years was when he took the time off for surgery. By then his neck was just a complete mess and it didn’t do all it should have, but he did it for the company. That’s why I have issues with people saying Austin owes Vince something. That may be true, but Vince owes Austin a new neck, or half the company, one or the other.

And now, we have arrived. This is going to be different indeed as this is just such a famous moment that it’s hard to write about. I’m not sure how many jokes are going to be here as it’s not really something that’s easy to poke fun at but here we go.

We get the recap of Bret vs. Shawn from Mania 12, which I’m sure you’ve all known. There’s a review of it in Old School if you don’t know. Bret doesn’t like Shawn, period. He claims that he keeps getting screwed. The rematch was supposed to have happened at Mania 13, but Shawn was “injured”, which is still questioned to this day. Bret got Austin in the submission match, so he did ok as well.

Shawn accidentally caused Bret to win the WWF Title at Summerslam by swinging a chair at Bret but hitting Taker. That led to Shawn vs. Taker which ended in the first ever Cell match, which Shawn won to become number one contender. This is his title shot, and the first rematch in over a year and a half between these two.

This was always going to be epic. There’s some great arguments in here with Shawn saying he does this because he loves it and that Bret does this because he feels he has to. There’s a lot in that line.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels

We see DX, which in this case is Shawn, HHH, Chyna and Rick Rude coming down to the ring from backstage. Shawn is European Champion here as well since the belt meant very little. He would drop it to HHH soon, literally just laying down for him in a rather funny moment. There’s more to it than that but that’s the gist of it. Shawn is booed out of the building of course, which means he’s doing a fine job.

He tells the Canadian flag to suck it and then humps it, which followed by a cut to a sign that says Shawn = Fag is a rather funny moment. We can infer from this that the flag is male. Bret and company are shown coming to the ring and the cheers start already. The announcer can barely be heard over the ovation he gets. Word hadn’t gotten out that this was likely his last night, so that’s a legit pop. My goodness that’s insane.

Bret waving the Canadian flag looks perfect. We’re underway and Shawn is getting his face kicked in. Maybe it hasn’t started yet. Either way, Bret is just owning everyoone here. In essence this is just a big pre match fight and since Bret is getting to beat on Shawn, I doubt he’s complaining about working more than he’s required to. For the first time ever that I can remember, Bret hits the headbutt and hurts his own head.

Vince and the Stooges come out to try to stop the brawl, and you can see the pieces falling into play already. Shawn takes over and they go into the crowd again. Ross mentions that there are rumors that if Bret loses he’s done. I don’t think that had been previously mentioned, so this was clearly a huge deal on many levels despite what else was coming. Slaughter is there too as they fight up the aisle.

Some of the referees get taken out as we’re five minutes into this and they were in the ring all of 8 seconds of it. The rest of it has just been a wild brawl. Bret knocks out another referee and they’re at the entry way so this part is going to go on for awhile. Vince gets in his face as I’m impressed with Vince being able to stay in character knowing what’s coming soon. After seven minutes we’re in the ring and Bret is choking Shawn with a Fleur De Lis flag.

Less than a minute after we actually start Shawn hits the forearm and the nip up and now he’s in control. Shawn chokes him with the flag and Bret is lightly bleeding. It really is hard to not just do commentary here. They go back to the floor again because we haven’t had enough of that yet in this match/fight. The announcers debate who has better cardio which they say Shawn does. If they knew anything was coming, they didn’t let on at all.

A piledriver on the stairs doesn’t work but Shawn keeps control. He breaks the flag and hits Bret in the chest with the pole. Fighting on the floor follows. This has been about 80% on the floor. Naturally, they’re back in there now. Even in the most infamous matches ever my timing is great. Bret does a weird sell as he gets hit by a top rope axe handle but pauses for a second before selling. Maybe it was just a reaction thing.

Shawn is apparently using some of Stu’s old moves. That’s either brilliant or stupid. If Stu used them a lot, wouldn’t Bret know the counters to them? Just as I say that, Bret counters. Bret goes for the knee but Shawn stops him again. Bret reverses a top rope cross body and gets a long two. I wonder what would have happened if he had gotten a fluke pin like that. Figure four on the pole, which I’m still trying to get how the pole actually helps here. I’ve never gotten hat one.

It’s standard (I will not say vintage…blast it) Bret here as he goes for the figure four. The fans chant Bret Sold Out, so apparently they knew he was gone. After a good amount of time in it, Shawn reverses and Bret breaks it with ropes. So it was Bret in the ring with the rope? Yeah I’ve got nothing for this. The match itself is solid actually so it’s even harder to do. Bret initiates his ending sequence, but for some reason he goes to the top for the elbow.

The extra time allows Shawn to pull the referee in the way so we know what’s coming. And there it is. Shawn goes for the Sharpshooter, which he does wrong at first. Earl Hebner doesn’t even get down to check with Bret and calls for the bell. He’s out of the ring as fast as humanly possible. In one of the most famous scenes in wrestling history, Bret spits on Vince as he automatically knew what was going on.

The camera on Bret’s face a second before this tells the whole story. He knew he got screwed over. Shawn plays innocent before walking by Vince and then grabbing the belt and jetting out of the arena. I think Vince might have said something. Since this is the home video release, we go straight to bonus footage after the show went off the air. Bret’s music plays as Bulldog tries to talk to him. You can tell Bret isn’t hearing a word he’s saying as he’s in his own world right now.

His face is a mixture of anger and being upset, but he really doesn’t look surprised. Anvil comes in and gets the same treatment. It’s clear that the fans don’t grasp what just happened and there’s no reason they should. He high fives a few fans and then goes nuts on the equipment from the announce tables, slamming monitors on the floor as we really go off the air. It’s probably better that they didn’t show what else happened backstage after the show.

Shawn played innocent, the Harris Brothers (Skull and 8-Ball of the DOA) went to Shawn and HHH and Vince and said they were on their side no matter what, and Bret took a shower. Vince was locked in his office in fear for his life. Undertaker literally kicked the door in and dragged Vince out to face Bret like a man. Bret had just gotten out of the shower when this happened, so during the confrontation, Bret was just out of the shower.

He punched Vince in the jaw and Vince staggered backwards. He stepped on Brisco’s foot and broke his ankle. That’s just great. Taker and Foley were on the verge of quitting and heading to WCW that night actually. Bulldog, Owen and Neidhart did quit, but Owen came back a month later. Bret debuted in WCW soon, and at Starrcade 97’s main event of Hogan vs. Sting, WCW in a way parodied/referenced the Screwjob, which ultimately resulted in their downfall as I’ve mentioned many times before.

Rating: B+. All historic aspects aside, this was a very intense match that worked very well. Both guys were gods in the ring so it’s not like they couldn’t put on a good match. It’s the polar opposite of the Iron Man match, but that’s good I think. This is more of a fight than a match, but that’s fine by me. The match itself is overlooked I think, as no one even remembers anything but the finish.

Overall Rating: B+. Again, this is with all historic aspects of the main event aside. The show starts off really bad but it picks up very well afterwards. The crowd is white hot as most Canadian crowds tend to be which helps a lot. Everyone looks like they’re working hard and having a lot of fun, which is what makes a card great as well. The stories were advanced or ended here, which is what PPV is for.

Even the first match is ok I guess, meaning that this is a very recommended show. It’s well done and a great peak into what’s coming in the months and years to come while still having that taste of old school in it. It’s a great blend, which is an excellent and difficult component to have. Check the whole thing out as it’s very well worth your time.

And now, for the white elephant in the room. Obviously, this is one of the most famous and influential moments in wrestling history as nearly twelve years later at Breaking Point they redid it with Punk vs. Taker. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the story, here’s the basics of it. Note: there is likely FAR more to it than this, but there have been full books written about this night so I’ll have to go with the shorter version.

After Wrestlemania 12, Bret began negotiating a new contract with Vince while at the same time, WCW was offering him a ton of money. Bret was loyal to Vince and signed a mind blowing 20 year contract. The idea was that Bret would wrestle three more years then move into a management job with occasional TV appearances, similar to what someone like Foley was doing a few years ago.

In short, Vince ran out of money and couldn’t pay huge amounts to Bret after the first year and Vince told Bret that for his own financial security, he should go to WCW where the money would be guaranteed. Note: Bret had Vince’s blessing. Anyway, Shawn and Bret had NEVER gotten along, period. Bret was worried about the Clique’s booking powers growing rapidly and the rise of the Attitude Era, so he decided that he should go.

He had been working with Shawn on house shows, and at one of them Shawn called him out for sleeping with Sunny. That didn’t help things obviously. Then at a show in I think San Jose, Bret said he would lose to Shawn if asked to. Shawn said he would NEVER lose to Hart. Granted, this comes from Bret’s book and I’m always skeptical about anything any wrestler says. Shawn would later say this was a lie and that Shawn would have no problem losing to Bret as he had before. I lean towards Bret here, as Shawn had lost to him when Shawn was just a blip on the radar and never when they were both the top dogs in the company. Shawn’s ego went through the roof by that time and it seems very plausible for him to say he wouldn’t lose to Bret. Anyway, due to Shawn saying this, Bret changed his mind and said he wouldn’t lose to Shawn at Survivor Series.

Now we get to the hard part. Bret’s contract expires Sunday night, but he’s still champion. He says he’ll lose to anyone that Vince asks him to other than Shawn with zero complaints. Names like Austin, Shamrock, Taker, Mankind and Ahmed were thrown around for this, but in no way shape or form would he lose to Shawn in Canada.

So they struck a deal where Bret would keep the belt in Canada and the next night on Raw he would either surrender it or lose in a title match to someone Vince would decide on between the time the deal was made and Raw. So we get to Canada, and Vince is terrified that Bret is going to pull out on the deal. Now depending on who you want to listen to, anywhere from three to about 10 guys were in on the Screwjob.

There are so many theories out there from Bret was in on the whole thing (which isn’t that unplausible actually. The idea would have been Bret leaves for two to three years and then comes back in a shocker to face Vince and Shawn at Mania. Shawn would get hurt two months after this though and would be out for four and a half years. Bret would get hurt just over two years after Montreal, so neither of those things happened.

It’s still I guess a possible theory though. The basic theory that I believe is that Vince, HHH, Shawn, Brisco and Hebner were the only ones that knew. Vince secretly changed the ending of the match from Shawn getting the Sharpshooter and Bret countering into one of his own for the tap out into what actually happened.

You can see Bret going for the pre planned counter when the bell rings. Bret went to WCW and has been seen on WWE programming twice since: at his Hall of Fame induction and in a taped segment for Vince Appreciation Night. Anyway, that’s the main idea of it. Obviously there’s a lot more, but that would go on for days.

The more I’ve read about it, the more I side with Vince. Think about this for a minute. The common comparison that is made is that Vince was afraid that Bret would show up on Nitro with the belt etc. and do what Alundra Blayze did with the Women’s Title. That’s far from the truth. If you think about it, Vince, as a wrestling historian and fan, would have been worried about what he had done six years earlier with Ric Flair and the NWA Title.

Due to Flair taking that title to the WWF, the WCW Champion was looked at as a complete joke. Why should anyone care about their champion when they’re nothing more than a paper title holder? The NWA hasn’t recovered from that yet and never will recover from that. Vince had his back to the wall to put it mildly with WCW’s foot on his throat so he had to do what he had to do. I know that what he did wasn’t right, but dang man how much can you ask him to put up with?

Ok, I get that Bret didn’t want to lose to Shawn, but come on now Bret. It’s one match at the end of a 14 year Hall of Fame career. Lose to cheating or something like that. Bret’s pride got in the way here. There is no reason to not drop a title on your way out the door. I would say it’s unprofessional, but Vince wasn’t exactly a saint here either so that’s not fair to put on Bret.

Like I said though, how much can you ask Vince to have to deal with though? I think that’s overlooked a lot in this: the position Vince was in at the time. We all know that Bret was in an awkward spot, but what about Vince? His company was on the brink of bankruptcy, his talent was leaving left and right for WCW, he was getting killed in the ratings, and now he has to worry about his belt being disgraced on WCW.

Actually wait. I need to clarify that. Bret couldn’t show up with the belt, but even if he didn’t, it would have been disastrous for Vince. Like with Flair, if Bret is never beaten for the title and he leaves, why should we believe anyone that gets the belt next is a realistic champion? They never beat Bret. Bret is the WWF champion, not say Shamrock or whomever gets it next.

With the position that Vince was in, he was completely stuck and had to do something. While I don’t think it was the best choice, I honestly don’t know of anything else he could have done. As for Shawn, he’s the most innocent of all in this I think. He shot his mouth off yes, but he was just a pawn in this whole thing. He’s the guy that’s standing next to a fight but not doing anything in it.

Anyone that was in his place would have gotten the same looks, but honestly what is he guilty of? Nothing at all. He did what his boss told him to do. Shawn is innocent. As a whole, I think Bret doesn’t get enough of the blame and Vince gets too much. Vince should get more than Bret, but not as much as he gets.

It was a horrible situation, but I think Bret pushed it too far. I understand where he was coming from, but I think his pride went too far and he became selfish. I know this is going to get some replies and arguments, so bring them on.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1994 (2012 Redo): What Once Was Old Is Old Again

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1994
Date: November 23, 1994
Location: Freeman Coliseum, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

We open with a clip from earlier today of the team captains giving their teams pep talks.

Gorilla and Vince are dressed as cowboys. Gorilla looks like he could almost pull the look off but Vince looks like a schnook.

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Teamsters: Diesel, Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett

Bad Guys: Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, Headshrinkers

Rating: C. This was all angle and not much wrestling. This was the big face turn for Diesel which would result in the World Title very soon after this. It was a face turn that made sense too as he was tired of Shawn telling him what to do and getting hurt as a result, so he gave up and went after Shawn. Ticked off giants are very fun, so the first few months of Diesel Power were fun stuff. It was the other eight or nine months that stopped being fun.

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Royal Family: Jerry Lawler, Queasy, Sleazy, Cheesy

Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

Jerry says he won the match and not the other ones. They celebrate anyway and Lawler keeps yelling, so they turn on him and the clowns join in for a six on one beatdown. The big payoff is Doink hitting Lawler with a pie. This ran nearly TWENTY MINUTES out of a two hour and forty minute show.

WWF World Title: Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Million Dollar Team vs. Guts And Glory

Million Dollar Team: Tatanka, King King Bundy, Bam Bam Bigelow, Heavenly Bodies

Guts and Glory: Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Mabel, Smoking Gunns

A group beatdown on Lex follows the match. The Gunns and Bomb make the save.

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

Ratings Comparison

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Original: C-

Redo: C

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Original: G (as in below an F)

Redo: S

Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Original: A

Redo: A

Million Dollar Team vs. Guts and Glory

Original: C-

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C-

That’s probably as close as any of these second looks are going to go.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/13/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-mr-bob-backlund-and-chuck-norris/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1993 (2012 Redo): The Family Always Fights At The Holidays

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

Team IRS vs. Team Razor Ramon

IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, Marty Jannetty, Mr. Perfect

Heenan apparently called Perfect no showing this and Vince says Heenan was right for once. Bobby: “FOR ONCE???” Ramon and Martel start things off with Rick working on the arm. They fight for the arm and hit the mat for a bit before popping back up. Razor slaps him in the face and rolls through a cross body for two. Martel gets caught in the fall away slam (BIG pop for that) for two.

Razor hits a pair of atomic drops and a clothesline for two. Off to Adam Bomb who shoves Ramon into the corner with ease. They collide and Razor is knocked down in a bit of a surprise. They have a test of strength with Bomb controlling again before Ramon fights up and suplexes Bomb down.

Jannetty and Kid celebrate with Ramon. Savage is off chasing Crush.

Hart Family vs. Shawn Michaels/Knights

Bret Hart, Keith Hart, Bruce Hart, Owen Hart

Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight, Black Knight, Red Knight

Blue stays on the arm including dropping a leg, followed by a hammerlock slam. Off to Shawn who misses a Rocket Launcher, allowing the tag to Bret, prompting Shawn to tag out to Red. Red immediately gets caught in a spinebuster and the Sharpshooter to make it 4-2. Blue comes in to clothesline Bret and both he and Keith are now hurt. Bret is thrown back in and suplexed down for two.

Bruce comes in and drops an elbow on Shawn for two. Bret is still getting up after the crash he took into the barricade. Bruce and Shawn hit head to head twice in a row to really stretch this thing out. Keith comes in with an abdominal stretch (including the toe around the ankle) but Shawn hip tosses out of it with ease. Back to Bret who pounds away and crotches Shawn on the top rope. Bret picks the leg but Shawn escapes the Sharpshooter and walks out for the countout.

Smokey Mountain Wrestling Tag Titles: Heavenly Bodies vs. Rock N Roll Express

Team Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Four Doinks

Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger, Headshrinkers

Bushwhackers, Men on a Mission

As Bigelow is leaving, Doink (whose performer has recently changed) pops up on screen to laugh at Bam Bam. The next step in this feud: a midget named Dink of course.

Before the match, we get a history lesson about Boston. No seriously, this happens. Thankfully it turns into some promos from the All Americans.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, Jacques

All Americans: Lex Luger, Undertaker, Steiner Brothers

Ludvig pounds on the ribs and whips Scott in the corner so he can clothesline Steiner down. Borga goes up top but gets suplexed back down for two. Yokozuna comes in and pounds away, but Scott gets in some offense. He tries the freaking Frankensteiner which goes about as well as you would expect it to, resulting in a legdrop from Yokozuna eliminating Scott to get us down to two on two.

Santa comes out to celebrate with Luger just like last year.

Ratings Comparison

Team Razor Ramon vs. Team IRS

Original: B

Redo: B

Hart Family vs. Team Shawn Michaels

Original: D+

Redo: D

Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Original: B

Redo: B-

Four Doinks vs. Team Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: N/A

Redo: Awe

All-Americans vs. Foreign Fanatics

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating:

Original: C+

Redo: D

It was almost the same until the overall rating. I don’t get how it jumps up that high off just a few better grades.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/12/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1993-usa-usa-usa/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Survivor Series Count-Up – 1993 (Original): The Coolest Flag Ever

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Gardens, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

So it’s a year later now and there are indeed a few changes. For one thing, Hogan is completely gone. He would appear in WCW in a few months time. Other than that, the evil Yokozuna is now world champion with Lex Luger being his main adversary. That’s your main event here tonight, as it’s the Foreign Fanatics vs. the All Americans. It’s a five match card that I remember very fondly for some reason.

There are some very good moments here along with some rather stupid ones. It’s an odd time for the company as they’re definitely in a transitional period here, with Yoko and Luger being the two main guys and Bret not far behind them. None of those three are incredibly huge stars at the moment, so this is a weird time for them. We’re back to the traditional Survivor Series formula though, so this should be a bit better than what we had in the very early 90s I guess. Let’s find out.

Before we get the standard intro, we see Vince and Bobby getting ready backstage. Vince says he smells bananas, which scares Bobby because it means Monsoon is around. He and Ross are doing Radio WWF tonight, which is either brilliant or very stupid and I’m not sure which. This would be Bobby’s last PPV before heading to WCW as well. The intro was an odd one with the skeleton of a building and the logo hanging from a crane. I have no idea what this was supposed to be.

Team IRS vs. Team Razor

Razor Ramon, Marty Jannetty, 1-2-3 Kid, Mr. Perfect
IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

So the fourth man was supposed to be Mr. Perfect, but for some reason he’s gone. There are numerous reasons as to why he’s gone, but we’re not sure either way. Some say he was in rehab, some say he left due to steroid issues, some say he was hurt. We’re not sure either way, but he wouldn’t be seen again until Wrestlemania where he was supposed to start a feud with Luger, but he was gone after one appearance.

Anyway, Ramon says he has a substitute that has as much machismo as he does. Heenan says it’s some other punk, but as the music hits Heenan freaks out since it’s Randy Savage. The deal with Savage was that his friend Crush had gotten hurt by Yoko so he turned heel on Savage and beat the living heck out of him. Savage was TICKED and would do anything to get at Crush.

They would eventually have a last man standing match (kind of) at Mania. Crush was supposed to get a massive singles push but for some reason it never came. In the end that was a good thing because he was arrested and went to jail for a few years on weapons charges. Apparently Heenan called this sometime before and Vince says ok, ok you were right for once. FOR ONCE? Dag Heenan was great.

Oh yeah why are these people in this match. Shawn Michaels had been IC Champion but was suspended for failing a steroids test (which he to this day denies). To fill the void we had a battle royal with the last two people in it having a match and the winner of that won the IC belt.

Razor and Martel were your winners and then Razor won the title. Shawn kept his belt though so there were two belts. They were hung above the ring at Wrestlemania 10. You know the rest. As for the other guys, there’s no point to them being there. IRS and Razor had a mini feud that was blown off at the Rumble but that’s it.

Anyway, we start with Razor and Martel and Razor beats the tar out of him. Are you surprised? He tags out to Adam Bomb who I was always a mark for. He and Crush would later become Kronik in WCW. They do a test of strength and since he’s a heel, Bomb cheats. Oddly the bad guy is the face here. Anyway, Razor goes for a cover on Bomb but Martel runs in for a save with an elbow.

It hits Bomb and Harvey is kind of annoyed, so Martel hits him. Now we’ve got a big team brawl and for once, the faces let them fight. I’ve never gotten why they didn’t do that more often. When another team is fighting, why not let them do it and get a breather? Savage, being the only true big star on his team at that point, gets on the ropes and plays to the crowd here. And that is why Savage is better than anyone else in this match and better than most in history.

Old guys know how to get things done like that. See, today, most people have a chance like this and they just stand there. Savage, already getting hugs pops no matter what he does, plays to the crowd to try to get a bigger one. That sticks in people’s heads.

Instead of just sitting around doing nothing, he’s talking to the crowd, and there is nothing a crowd loves more than being acknowledged and being considered a small part of the match. It makes them feel special and the more a wrestler does that for them, the bigger star they’ll become.

Anyway, even Heenan acknowledges that this team might not work. Oh great it’s the 1-2-3 Kid against Adam Bomb. He might kill him. GO BOMB! Now Diesel gets to beat on him a bit. I’ve always liked Diesel. Savage gets tagged in to a huge pop. Heenan dubs him Captain Schizo. That’s just humorous. He beats up the heel team by himself, capping it off by slamming Diesel and hitting the elbow to pin him for the first elimination.

Vince says that this match has been confusing. Why is that? It’s been very simple to me at least. In a weird sequence, Savage uses a bunch of left handed clotheslines. That just looked odd. Heenan asks if Vince has ever cheated anybody. Vince says of course not. That needs no jokes whatsoever. At this point, Marty still hasn’t been in yet. Must be a bad coke attack or something. IRS and Martel switch while the referee is with Savage. Of course it is allowed.

Heenan asks if Vince wants to be WWF President. Why take the second best job? This has been pretty solid so far. As Savage is beating the tar out of IRS, Crush comes out. Savage hits the floor immediately and goes after him. While he’s distracted, IRS rolls up Savage to pin him. Crush leaves and Savage chases him off. He goes into the back and we stay with Savage for THIRTY SECONDS.

Dude, you know there is that pesky little match going on out in the ring? You might want to take a look at it. I guess not. I know it doesn’t sound long, but missing thirty seconds of a match is a long time. Think about it like this: Hogan picked up Andre and pinned him inside of 30 seconds. Yeah that’s not important though. We’re back now with Bomb against Jannetty. A Razor’s Edge takes out IRS. For those of you keeping score, it’s Jannetty, Kid and Razor against Martel and Bomb.

We get a big brawl as Razor goes for another Edge, but IRS hits Razor in the ribs with the briefcase. He gets counted out as a result. We now get Kid against Martel, and naturally Kid gets a lot better against a smaller guy. Apparently you beat him by putting out some cookies and milk. He’ll run out and you beat him. Heenan is so brilliant it’s unbelievable. Now it’s standard heel dominance with the faces looking for the hot tag.

That’s very basic but very good at the same time. Jannetty comes in finally and beats up Martel for awhile and then tags in Kid, which makes limited sense but I’m no drug addled professional. Kid pins Martel with a sunset flip and then Marty gets Bomb with one as well about 12 seconds later to win it. That was a fun finish.

Rating: B. This was a fun match. It’s not great, but it’s entertaining and it made sense. The faces won with quickness over the power team and Savage dominated. Also Razor, the singles champion in there, saved face and set up a bigger feud with IRS. That is what these things are supposed to do. Overall, this was fun and it worked quite well, making it a very good opener and a good sign for this show.

Todd is with Shawn, who says he’s the real IC Champion and then he insults Bret and his family. This is miles better than last year as he’s finally got the Heart Break Kid character down. We go to an interview with the Harts from earlier in the day. Ray Combs, a game show host, is the special celebrity here doing the interview.

He’s far less annoying than the majority of these people. For some reason Stu is wearing a Detroit Pistons jacket for no apparent reason here as the show is in Boston. That’s just odd. Shawn says he’ll take out Stu if he gets in the way. Remember that line.

Before we go to the ring, we have a short interview with the winners of the previous match, minus Macho.

Hart Family vs. Shawn/Knights

Bret, Keith, Bruce, Owen
Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight (Greg Valentine), Red Knight (Barry Horowitz), Black Knight (Jeff Gaylord/Glenn Jacobs)

We’re actually not sure who the Black Knight is. If it’s Jacobs, that’s Kane. If it’s not, then this is his career highlight. This was supposed to be Jerry Lawler, but he was up on rape charges (the girl admitted she made the whole thing up), so they threw Shawn in and tried to make it based on the match from last year, which is at least an attempt at a story. Combs does the introductions here, and is ok I guess.

He does some standard jokes about HBK, but this goes on WAY too long and the fans just aren’t interested. It’s not as bad as Kid Rock at Mania, but it’s pretty bad. It goes on about 5 minutes, which is FAR too long for this. We’re at 10 minutes for the intros alone. This is just stupid. Bret is wearing pink. Only he can pull that off. Combs does commentary for the match as well. Heenan is in top form here insulting the Harts.

Monsoon reminds me of my uncle for some reason. We start out with Bruce, so you can tell what this is going to be. He’s a history teacher. Oh dear. Keith, the fireman, comes in. This cracks Heenan up. We see the problem here very easily: the two unknown Hart aren’t very good. All they know how to do is an armbar here and there. It’s just rather boring. Seriously, were Neidhart and Bulldog not available? They would be about a million times better here.

Heenan keeps talking about how Owen is in the shadow of Bret. That would turn into one of the best heel turns I can ever remember. Black Knight in now and Owen kicks his teeth in too. Now we have Bret against the Blue Guy. Heenan keeps teasing that he knows who the Knights are. When asked about the Blue Knight, he says that he’s either the Blue Knight or Bob Barker. This is being written two days after Barker hosted Raw, so that cracked me.

Why are the two unknown brothers wrestling most of this match? Seriously, that’s just stupid. The commentary is by far and away the best part of this match. Combs is pretty good actually. Granted he has no clue what’s going on, but his timing and enthusiasm are there. That’s all I ask: at least pretend you want to be there. Check out Pamela Anderson at the 95 Rumble. She hates the whole thing and is there for a paycheck. I have no interest in celebrities like that, no matter what they look like.

We get a big brawl and the Black Knight is pinned by a top rope dropkick from Owen. Ray thinks it’s over, and I have no issue with that because he’s energetic. He genuinely seems like he wants to be there, and I’m fine with him being a bit off if that’s the case. I’ve never gotten the point of them mentioning that a show is live when we’re watching it. It’s like a commercial for the show you’re watching. You’ve already hooked us, so we don’t need it again.

Vince: Bobby Heenan, you’re a bad man. That sums it up perfectly I’d say. Heenan reminds Vince that this is Survivor Series and Vince says he knows what it is. I wonder if he wanted to say “I know what it is, I invented it you fat blowhard!” Ok, now Keith has been in there forever, and we’re back to the stupid part. He’s been in there like 5 minutes and it’s been all arm work. Why not instead use one of the best sellers of all time?

Oh yeah because it would make SENSE! Heenan makes another great point: the Harts don’t look alike. He’s very right actually. Make that seven minutes. FINALLY a missed Rocket Launcher and Bret gets in to breathe some life into this thing. Red Knight is tapping in about 10 seconds and it’s 4-2. Bret is knocked to the floor and Keith goes over to check him. That makes sense since he’s been beaten on for about 8 minutes and is more or less one armed at this point.

I guess Owen and Bruce were busy? On the floor Stu is trying to rub his arm back into socket, which for once makes sense from a manager. Heenan gets in my favorite line of the match: “Hey, you wanna know who the Blue Knight is?” Vince says he would like to. “He’s the guy in the ring that just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.” Vince walked right into that one.

FINALLY we have Bret vs. Shawn, 18 minutes into the freaking match. Yep this just makes so much sense. That’s the theme of this match: how much sense can we make? Heenan makes an America’s Most Wanted reference. Combs says Bobby could star on America’s Most Unwanted. We have a rival for Heenan. Shawn does indeed go after Stu, and he gets POPPED. I don’t mean some love tap, I mean Stu smacks the taste out of Shawn and the crowd is into this all of a sudden.

That was awesome and makes up for the rest of this match. Shawn sells it at an amazing level of course since that’s what he does. That was great. Even Heenan kisses up to Stu for a bit. That’s all the proof you need right there. Owen Sharpshooter ends the Knights and it’s 4-1. Immediately, Shawn hits a big kick on Bruce, which is now known as Sweet Chin Music. However, here it doesn’t work.

Wow, Bruce has a tougher chin than Bret. Maybe we had the wrong Hart all along. Bret comes in and beats on him but gets poked in the eye. He tags Owen but walks on the apron for no apparent reason. Shawn sends Owen into the ropes and therefore into Bret who knocks down the railing. Owen is concerned and rolls Shawn up to make it 3-1. The Harts beat on Shawn for awhile after Owen is FREAKING out on him.

They beat Shawn up really badly as Stu tries to calm him down. I have never gotten what Owen’s problem was here. He got pinned. His team still won, and it was his fault that he hit Bret. He didn’t have to look down at him. Anyway, Shawn bails and the celebration is on. Owen comes back and yells at the Harts who leave without them.

This was the beginning of the Owen heel turn, which was excellent on so many levels, with the biggest one ever being Owen pinning Bret clean in the best opening match of all time at Wrestlemania 10. The feud would continue at the Rumble, with Bret trying to get Owen his first championship by teaming up with him to fight for the tag titles.

Bret wrestled with a knee injury and they actually stopped the match for it. Owen was mad and beat Bret up for it, which was the first time I agreed with a heel. It was Bret’s fault, not Owen’s. Oh yeah this match is over by the way. I’m just rambling on.

Rating: D+. This was just flat out BORING. It’s about 75% armbar. It’s a Chris Jericho joke apparently. Keith and Bruce were just flat out boring out there with no real offense at all, which is fine in that they hadn’t wrestled in years. That brings the question: WHY HAVE THEM? Seriously, all of the Harts are wrestlers. Were they all retired? Honestly, Neidhart at least would have made sense here. He’s a half brother and more importantly: HE WAS PASSABLE IN THE RING.

There’s history with him and Bret, and while he would play a role later in the angle, that wasn’t for almost a year. Seriously, they could have fit him in with him siding with Owen over this part of the feud. I don’t get it at all. Anyway, the match was just boring and it didn’t work that well. Shawn vs. Bret was good, but that’s all there was worth watching.

Gorilla and Ross are on commentary now.

We now get a random recap of the main event, despite there being two matches before that. Tatanka, who was undefeated for about two years got beaten up by Borga and Yoko to knock him out. He got replaced by a certain someone that I’ll get to at the time of the match.

To retaliate, Luger eliminated Pierre, which is somehow dumber than Luger is, so there we are. Pierre got replaced by Crush, which makes even less sense since he’s an American and was injured by the heels in the first place, but then again I’m no professional.

Smokey Mountain Tag Titles: Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Now this is a real headscratcher for about 10 reasons. Where to begin? Let’s see. For one thing, the Smokey Mountains are nowhere NEAR Boston. Second, what is Vince getting out of this? Cornette I suppose. Third, why aren’t we seeing the WWF Tag Titles defended here? Fourth, it’s freaking SMW. That just makes no sense. Fifth, why are Ross and Gorilla doing the commentary here?

Anyway, this is a very old school style match with the standard Midnights vs. RNRE formula: faces dominate early, heels take over and beat on Morton FOREVER until the hot tag and the very fast paced stuff from the Express and then the finish. Yeah I know that’s not much to go on, but it’s the generic yet great formula from the RNRE that made them and the Midnights the best act in the world. If you like modern tag wrestling, those four are who you have to thank for it.

It’s a very solid match of course, but it would have been perfect if it was Lane and Condrey or Eaton over there instead. The Bodies were a team that the WWF tried to make cool but they just never could pull it off. SMW was Cornette’s big attempt at running his own company and he did pretty well considering what he was up against. For one thing, wrestling was just bad when he tried to do it, but it ran nearly five years and he did pretty well with what he had.

Heck he’s got matches on Survivor Series. Anyway, this was the big feud in SMW, and while there it was the feud of the promotion, here’s it’s four guys that no one knows wrestling, and that’s the problem. No one knows these people and for the most part, no one cares. Boston has always been a WWF town, so this old school mentality and style is lost on them.

It’s a great match, but they just don’t get it and a big part of that is due to the wrestlers. It’s like Japanese wrestlers in America. If the people don’t get it, they’re not going to care. Anyway, after about 15 minutes, Cornette hits Gibson with the racket to give the Bodies the belts. Yeah that’s about it.

Rating: B. This was good, but like I said, the lack of anything close to recognition really hurt this one. The match is great, but most people that aren’t old school fans won’t like it. That hurt here too as the crowd only popped for big spots, which is fine for the most part, but they just sounded bored. That’s not fine.

The faces say that they’ll win tonight.

Four Doinks vs. Headshrinkers/Bastian Booger/Bam Bam Bigelow

Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant is it? The Four Doinks are Men on a Mission and the Bushwakers instead of you know, Doink and three other guys. Yeah that’s what we’re dealing with here. Doink is injured so we get these four. I have no idea which one is the most talented. Actually I don’t think any of them have talent so we’ll skip that part. Oh boy this is going to suck badly. Oh look it’s a comedy match. The Bushwackers have balloons.

Ooo good boy Samu bite them! Wait, what? He bit a balloon with water in it and it surprised him, leading to him getting rolled up. Ok, reasons why this is stupid. He’s a freaking savage and he’s scared of water? Second, couldn’t he see the water or feel the balloon actually weighing something? Booger comes in and beats on the faces for awhile and….there’s a banana peel in the ring. I’m pausing now to take some deep breaths.

There is no way that could happen is there? They couldn’t actually be planning on doing what I think they’re planning on doing could they? Someone tell me that’s not what they’re planning to do. I need to hear someone say it. Ok thank goodness: Booger just got pinned by a big splash instead.

That’s at least reasonable coming from the big fat tub of goo known as Mable. And Fatu just slipped on the banana and got pinned. That does it. Screw this. I have better things to do with my time than review a circus. Keep laughing Vince. I won’t be able to hear you.

Rating: N/A. I review wrestling. This wasn’t wrestling.

Cornette and the heel team have something to say. Cornette cuts perhaps the best promo I’ve ever heard him cut as he talks about the Foreign Fanatics’ strategy for tonight. He says that they see the face team as one man because they’re a unit. The Steiners are the heart of the team. If you take away a man’s heart, he has no energy or desire to do anything. The Undertaker is the mind of the team.

If you take away a man’s mind, he’s dazed and confused. Luger is the soul of the team. And if you take away a man’s soul, then you’ve defeated him. And that my friends, is why Jim Cornette is one of the best talkers of all time. Oh and Johnny “Raven” Polo is in the background. Dang talk about a character change. He would be Raven in less than a year.

Vince decides to give a clichéd history themed intro to this match. Yeah this is dumb.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

All Americans: Luger, Steiners, Undertaker
Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Ludvig Borga, Crush, Jacques Quebecer (yes that’s what they call him)

First of all, since I love it so much, here’s the way the All Americans replaced Tatanka.

No real reason for that. I just really like it. Anyway, onto the match itself. After about 8 minutes of introductions (my least favorite part of these shows), we’re ready to go. Borga comes out to Nikolai Volkoff’s music. That might be the other way around. I’m not sure. In case I haven’t explained, the feuds were supposed to be Luger vs. Yoko, Tatanka vs. Borga and Steiners vs. Quebecers, which at least makes sense.

Due to either injuries or Vince being really high one night, this is what we’ve got instead. Heenan sees a sign that says Yokotuna. I’ve been calling him that for years and have never been able to figure out where I got it from. Now I have my answer. I knew there was a point to me watching this all over again. We start with more stalling as no two want to start. Scott and Pierre finally start us off. The heels have Fuji, Polo and Cornette at ringside.

In other words we have WWF, NWA and ECW out there. Well no one can say they didn’t incorporate everyone. Pierre offers a handshake and Scott gives the screw you sign. Yep Scott is a great role model. Yoko is world champion here which is pointed out as he comes in. Rick manages to knock him to the floor which is actually surprising. Ludvig comes in now and Rick manages to beat him up. Naturally since Rick is doing well, he gets eliminated about 20 seconds later.

Upon further review though, I think this was a legit injury. He hits a top rope shoulder block and Borga just kind of flips him over and pins him. You can tell Vince is surprised too. Yeah he’s limping out after nothing was done to his lower body so I’m thinking he pulled something.

In the main event with a guy dominating even the WWF isn’t dumb enough to get rid of him after just five minutes. Yeah that was a legit injury. It was WAY too fast to have been planned that way. Given the stalling now to buy time for Rick to get out of there, yeah I’m convinced this is an injury. Just to reiterate: I think it was a legit injury.

Scott hits a pretty nice double underhook suplex on Crush. We get word that Savage is back in the building. Is that really surprising? He was there earlier, so why would it be odd that he’s back? Yep here he comes. While this is happening, Crush picks up Scott and just drops him over the top rope. That was sick. They get Savage out and say he’s out of the building. I’ll be checking my watch now to see how long it takes him to get back. My bet is three minutes.

Heenan talks about how Fuji has turned Crush into a heel and that he can see some gold in his future. That likely would have happened had it not been for…some unknown reason. Initially he was supposed to have Luger’s role but I guess they thought Crush wasn’t ready or something and this is what you got instead. Dang it was only two minutes. Scott (called the Steiner) sends him to the floor and Crush goes after Savage.

This gets him counted out as the crowd is completely insane for this. This was begging for a big time cage match. Why in the world Savage was turned into a big bunch of nothing instead of the top face is beyond me. He clearly was still able to go as he would be winning world titles nearly seven years after this and he was WAY over, but I guess he was hanging out with Stephanie too much around this time and if you don’t get that reference, look it up.

Now it’s Pierre vs. Scott as Luger or Taker haven’t been in yet. Pierre gets a three by mistake but they say it was a two which anyone that can see or hear could tell you was incorrect. Vince keeps calling them the Quebecer and the Steiner. Luger finally comes in and an elbow from the second rope puts Pierre out. It’s 3-2 now if you’re keeping score. We get word that Savage has been throw out again and just as I’m getting ready to type it, Heenan asks how he keeps getting in. Is he Batman?

He suggests that Savage hangs out in the rafters. No Bobby that wouldn’t be for about 4 more years. Steiner and Borga have a decent battle as there is still no Taker in this match, which I guess makes something close to sense: save your big gun for the end. Steiner wants to try the Frankensteiner. Yeah that was just freaking stupid. He gets hit by a massive leg drop to end him and make it 2-2.

Luger and Yoko start with the rematch from Summerslam. The idea is that Luger isn’t allowed to have a rematch no matter what. Eventually he gets a rematch if he can win the Rumble, which he ties in. That could have been a great story if he ever actually won the title. It became like Jeff Hardy for awhile, but the difference was that Jeff finally won the freaking belt and gave us the awesome moment.

Luger never had that moment and it made the rest look bad by comparison. Heenan is asked where he gets his material and he says open your eyes. That’s just odd. After Yoko misses a splash, Luger makes the big tag to Taker and the fans are FREAKING OUT. A swinging DDT nearly kills Yoko and Borga nails him to try to break the momentum. Taker turns and just smacks him as if to say boy please I’m the dead man.

The big belly to belly gets nothing as Taker sits up to another huge pop. If you want to know one of the biggest reasons for why Taker got over, it’s called Bobby Heenan. He was awesome with putting him over. Yoko hits the Banzai then goes for a second and Taker sits up again. It’s just awesome all around as even Heenan can’t talk. Think about that for a second.

They fight to the floor, which is to say Taker beats on him for a bit longer as we get the inevitable double count out and we have our Royal Rumble main event. So it’s now one on one and I think you know the drill. It’s more or less a six minute match with the usual interference and the forearm ends it.

Yeah there’s nothing more to say about this. Just like last year, it starts to snow and freaking Santa Claus comes out. I have never gotten what they were going for with this and I think this was the last time that they did it which is likely a good thing.

Rating: C-. It was long and rather dull, but it did what it was supposed to do in advancing the stories. Luger beats Borga clean and Taker vs. Yoko is set. Also the fans went home happy and Luger looks big and invincible again so I can’t really complain. It could have been better but it certainly could have been worse so we’ll say it’s just below average.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s some good and some awful on here, so we’ll say it balances out. Some people would love this and some would hate it. I thought it was ok, but the comedy match was just a disgrace and the main event was just ok. The first match and the tag match were solid enough though.

There are definitely moments here where you’ll be bored out of your mind but there are moments where you’ll be entertained, which I think slightly outweigh the bad. That’s good enough for a mild recommendation I guess. It’s nothing special and it’s not horrible I suppose, but don’t expect to be blown away.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw – January 9, 1995: The Wrestlers Try To Save It

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 9, 1995
Location: Summit, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 3,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Shawn Michaels

The slow build towards the Royal Rumble continues and that means we get to sit through some more horrible shows. This is one of the worst times the company has ever had and last week’s show couldn’t have been much worse. At least this week’s show is the two year anniversary of the show so maybe it can be a little better. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Vince and Shawn talk about the show, which thankfully is in an arena instead of a high school gym. They’re VERY excited about William Shatner appearing on the King’s Court tonight, meaning the Star Trek jokes abound.

Shatner is ready to deal with Lawler but he’s here to promote his new show. Only one Star Trek joke abounds here.

Intercontinental Title: Owen Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Razor is defending and we get the Madison Square Garden style set with the entrance across from the hard camera. Hart takes his time coming in so Razor gets in a sucker punch but the referee won’t let him hit a belt shot. Owen gets knocked outside and slammed off the top as this is one sided so far.

It gets even worse for Owen as he misses a charge into the post, meaning it’s off to the armbar, complete with some slaps to Owen’s head. A clothesline gives Razor two and the armbar goes right back on. The fall away slam looks to set up the Razor’s Edge but Owen backdrops him to the floor. That means a suicide dive, which is a very different move for 1995. Razor’s rolls through a high crossbody for two and we take a break.

Back with Owen’s enziguri connecting and a spinwheel kick dropping Razor again. The chinlock goes on before Owen jumps on his back for the sleeper. As expected, Razor suplexes his way to freedom and gets a very delayed two. The yet to be named chokeslam puts Owen down but he’s fine enough to crotch Razor on the ropes. Owen hits a missile dropkick but here’s Bret for the DQ before the Sharpshooter can go on.

Rating: B. This was really getting somewhere and the ending makes sense. Owen has made it clear that he wants to be better than Bret and Bret is still mad over Owen costing him the title so he costs Owen a title as well. It helps when Razor can have a good match with anyone and they can do a rematch if they want to go there. This show is already 49x better than last week’s so they’re off to a good start.

Post match Jeff Jarrett tries to come in for the save but Bret and Razor stand tall.

Royal Rumble Report, with Todd Pettengill explaining the whole concept, including the dreaded sixty second intervals. The rest of the card gets some attention too, though that doesn’t make the show sound much better. Diesel wants to know if Bret Hart has changed while he’s been hanging out in Calgary. Bret better be ready for the Rumble.

Jerry Lawler is ready for Shatner.

Hakushi vs. Matt Hardy

This is Hakushi’s debut and who would believe he’s nowhere near the bigger star? Matt tries to pick up the pace to start and gets superkicked for his efforts. Shawn Michaels makes menu jokes about Hakushi and it’s a snap suplex into a slingshot splash to finish Hardy in a hurry. Total squash.

It’s time for the King’s Court with Lawler listing off all of William Shatner’s accomplishments before bringing him out. Lawler wants him to say this is his greatest accomplishment, but Shatner isn’t going there. He was chewing gum yesterday and that was more impressive than Lawler. That doesn’t go well as Lawler pokes him in the chest, meaning Shatner takes the mic away.

The fight is almost on with Shatner twisting Lawler’s fist behind his back. A monkey flip sends Lawler flying and here’s Bret to clear him out. Jeff Jarrett and the Roadie come to ringside but nothing happens. I’ve never seen a single Star Trek anything so this didn’t do much for me.

Royal Rumble ad with Pamela Anderson in her apartment and various wrestlers calling to hit on her. She was the big focal point of the show and looked like she would rather be having dental surgery.

King Kong Bundy vs. Gary Sabaugh

Avalanche finishes Sabaugh in less than thirty seconds. Yes they are running long.

Post match, Bundy tells Shawn that he’s winning the Rumble, which Shawn doesn’t buy.

We look at the Tag Team Title tournament. Here are the updated brackets:

Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Headshrinkers

Heavenly Bodies

1-2-3 Kid/Bob Holly

The Bushwhackers fire Howard Finkel up for his tuxedo match.

Well Dunn does the same for Harvey Wippleman.

Video on Kama Mustafa, the toughest man in the world.

Harvey Wippleman vs. Howard Finkel

Yes a tuxedo match and yes this is the main event with Well Dunn and the Bushwhackers at ringside. They start the expected brawling with Finkel’s pants coming down but not off as Harvey loses his shirt. Both of their underwear say RAW of course as the ugly grappling continues. Harvey thinks he wins but Howard still has his cummerbund on, allowing him to steal the pants and the win. This is something I never need to see again.

A lot of dancing and celebrating ensues. By that I mean longer than the match itself went as they just keep marching around the ring for the better part of four minutes.

Next week: Bret vs. Jarrett.

The announcers give a recap and preview as they’re filling in all the time they can. Jarrett comes out and promises to take care of Hart and Shatner next week.

Overall Rating: D. That one match did help a lot but come on man. Even a fifteen minute match which was quite good wasn’t enough to save the show from Fink vs. Harvey, which is hardly surprising. I’m sure Vince found it hilarious but you finish on that instead of the celebrity appearance of the good match? It’s the Saturday Night’s Main Event formula all over again, but that doesn’t make it smart.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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