Jokers Wild
Date: May 3, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the second of the One Night Only shows, meaning that it’s another show taped two months ago and airing now because TNA doesn’t want to do the traditional three hour PPVs every month. The gimmick this month is that we have a bunch of tag matches with random pairings and the winners all go into a gauntlet match with the winner earning $100,000. I don’t get why money isn’t a prize more often in wrestling anymore. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how all of these people are the foundation on which TNA is built. Allegedly this is a NEVER BEFORE SEEN concept, other than all of the other times this has been done over the years with various other endings. In the pure brilliance of TNA, they show us clips of various matches, including one partner turning on another. The idea of a spoiler doesn’t mean much around here does it?

Christy and JB draw names out of a tumbler in the ring to determine the pairings.

James Storm/Christian York vs. Gunner/Crimson

Wow Gunner still has a job? This is kind of an interesting match given that Storm has history with Crimson as Storm ended Crimson’s undefeated streak a year ago. Storm and Crimson get things going here with Crimson using the power game to take over. Storm comes back with a tackle and right hands as Tenay makes WINNING jokes ala Charlie Sheen. A hard clothesline puts Crimson down and it’s off to York who drops a knee for two.

Off to Gunner for the first time in a long time as Tazz makes ball jokes about Christy Hemme. It’s going to be a very long night on commentary. York gets two off a bulldog as we talk about the legendary Murphy. They slug it out for a bit with Gunner taking over, only to be taken down by a kick to the face for two. It’s back to Storm for a wind up poke to the eye before it’s back to York. Christian avoids a rollup but Crimson snaps his neck over the top rope to give Gunner control again.

Now Tenay is talking about walking through Memphis looking for moonshine as the match is ignored for the sake of inside jokes. A high collar suplex puts York down for two and a slingshot suplex gets the same for Gunner. Off to a chinlock by Gunner before Crimson comes in for the same hold. York kicks him away but it’s Gunner breaking up the tag again. Christian kicks him in the head though and it’s hot tag to Storm.

James cleans house and kicks Gunner in the head before getting two off a top rope crossbody. York catapults Gunner into a DDT from Storm for two but Crimson spears Storm down. Storm hits Closing Time on Crimson before York throws Gunner into the Last Call for the pin, advancing Storm and York.

Rating: C. I have a feeling my thoughts on a lot of these matches are going to be the same. This wasn’t bad or anything but the lack of a story is going to bring almost all of these down. Yeah Storm has history with Crimson, but it was a two minute match from a year ago. There’s no reason to watch any of these guys fight tonight other than money, meaning the matches are all going to be judged on in ring work alone. This wasn’t bad, but I can’t imagine them all being this good.

York thanks Storm for being a great partner but reminds Storm that it’s every man for himself in the main event. Storm is just thinking of how much beer a hundred grand can buy.

Jesse Godderz/Mr. Anderson vs. Douglas Williams/Kid Kash

No Tara unfortunately. Anderson comes out like normal to his own music and without the biker gear. Kash and Anderson start things off but Jesse tags in before anything can happen. A quick shoulder sends Godderz into the corner and it’s off to Anderson who might not suck as much. Anderson hits a quick dropkick to put Kash down and it’s back to Jesse for some arm work. He asks for a tag and Anderson isn’t sure if he wants back in or not. The announcers would rather talk about Aces and 8’s rankings and British terminology instead of calling the match.

Williams comes in and gets caught by a hiptoss and backdrop from Anderson. Jesse is jumping up and down to get in the match so it’s off to the rookie for some arm work. He cranks it once and already wants Anderson back in. Since Anderson is getting annoyed he takes more time, allowing Williams to suplex Godderz down. Off to Kash for a release belly to back of his own as the announcers continue to talk about stupid things like the “Pre-Tazz Era” of TNA.

Williams puts a cravate on Jesse for a bit, only to be taken down by a nice leg trip. Godderz still can’t make a tag though as Williams comes in with a clothesline to put him back down for two. Off to Kash again who helps out Williams with a double backdrop as Jesse continues to be picked apart. Back to Williams for a few slams as this gets more and more boring every few seconds. Kash kicks Jesse low and rakes his back a few times as we talk about roulette to keep up the announcers’ trend.

Off to a chinlock by Williams as we talk about gumption, moxie and tomatoes. I know I’m talking about the announcers a lot but it’s by far the most interesting thing in the match so far. Tazz actually says that Aces and 8’s don’t do losses. Jesse sends Kash into the corner but gets kicked in the face and caught with a moonsault out of the corner for two. Godderz is stomped around even more as Tazz talks about getting a furry sidecar on Bully’s bike. The commentary must have been recorded later as Bully wasn’t revealed as part of Aces and 8’s when this was taped.

A clothesline out of the corner takes Williams down and it’s FINALLY off to Anderson to clean house. Anderson hits his rolling fireman’s carry on Williams and loads it up on Kash, only to have Jesse pull Kash down to load up his own finishing move. Anderson kicks Kash down and Mic Checks Godderz before rolling up Kash for the pin.

Rating: D+. Remember what I said about the wrestling being the main thing to go off on this show? In this case it was hindered by Jesse, who is WAY too green to be in there as long as he was. There was a story being told here, but the match was so dull throughout that it didn’t make much of a difference. Anderson looked like a star though.

Bobby Roode says he doesn’t need strategy because he’s a winner in tag matches and single matches.

Crimson and Gunner complain about not being on television lately. Crimson wants to team with Gunner regularly since they’re both war veterans.

Christopher Daniels/Samoa Joe vs. Chavo Guerrero/Rob Van Dam

This should be interesting. Chavo and Daniels get things going and it’s a lengthy feeling out process until Chavo hits a dropkick to put Daniels down. Off to Van Dam for a kick to the face and a standing moonsault for two. Daniels rams RVD into the corner with some shoulders to the ribs, only to have Van Dam roll him up and crank on Daniels’ leg for a bit. Off to Joe vs. Van Dam as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer. Both guys counter everything the other guy throws until Van Dam gets a rollup for two and a standoff.

Chavo comes in and takes over on Daniels by stomping him down in the corner but a single shot allows for the tag off to Joe. Chavo punches Joe down in a rather surprising bit before hitting the slingshot hilo. Daniels cheats from the apron and comes in with more choking. Back to Joe for some headbutts and the enziguri in the corner for two. Back to the ball jokes by the announcers which never were funny in the first place. Off to Daniels for a chinlock as the match slows down a bit.

Chavo fights up with some elbows to the ribs as Tenay and Tazz talk about a party in the Aces and 8’s clubhouse. Back to Joe for the rapid fire punches in the corner followed by a crossface chinlock of his own. Guerrero gets back up but walks into a powerslam for two. Daniels comes in with an elbow drop and puts on what looks like a Tazmission. Chavo finally gets up but both guys try cross bodies and collide in the air.

Daniels drags Chavo back into the corner and Joe pounds him down again. An overhead suplex gets two on Guerrero and we hit the chinlock again. Joe loads up the Muscle Buster but Daniels tags himself in instead. A top rope cross body puts Daniels down and there’s the hot tag off to RVD.

Rob cleans house and hits a running spinwheel kick in the corner followed by Rolling Thunder for two. Everything breaks down and Joe hits a high collar suplex on Guerrero. Van Dam kicks Joe down but Daniels crotches him as he loads up the Five Star. Chavo takes Daniels to the floor, but Joe runs up and hits the Muscle Buster on Van Dam for the pin to advance.

Rating: B-. Definitely the best match of the night so far with all four guys knowing how to work the tag team formula quite well. Joe is the kind of guy that can work face or heel at the drop of a hat so we could easily have a face/heel dynamic. This is also the longest of the tag matches and that’s likely a good thing. Pretty solid match here.

Daniels celebrates like he just won the world title.

Godderz says he was responsible for 80%-90% of the offense and that he needs the money to fund his Hollywood parties. Anderson volunteers to throw everyone else out and let Godderz win tonight. Jesse leaves and Anderson says that’s not happening. Godderz is kind of funny at least.

Robbie E/Zema Ion vs. Bobby Roode/Joseph Park

Time for things to get wacky! Park wants to call the team Law and Order but Roode says no and calls Park Tons of Fun. Roode and Zema get things going as Park grabs the tag rope. Bobby runs over Zema and does the same to Robbie just because he can. Roode cranks on the arm and finally tags in the already sweating Park. Robbie seems to enjoy the prospects of fighting Park but Joseph is fascinated by the spiked hair. Roode: “TAG ME BACK IN YOU MORON!” Robbie tries a cross body but bounces off Park like he’s a wall. Park counters a slam into one of his own and the comedy continues.

Zema finally trips Park up and Robbie kicks away at the knee. Off to Ion with a missile dropkick and a middle rope forearm from Robbie for two. Back to Ion who tries a sunset flip but has to avoid a cannonball from Park. Robbie pounds away even more and the big man is taken down by a double back elbow. Ion comes back in to try a 450 but Park rolls away. He goes the wrong way and takes most of the splash but at least he tried.

Park punches Robbie in the head a few times but hits the middle rope splash for two instead. Ion uses Robbie as a springboard to hit Park in the corner, busting him open. Park snaps and it’s a chokeslam for Ion, a Black Hole Slam for Robbie….and he snaps back into reality. Roode tags himself back in and steals the pin for his team.

Rating: D+. Just a basic comedy tag match which was fine for the most part. The problem with comedy matches is that you can only reach a certain level with them and this match didn’t quite get there. Park is great in the role though and he played it perfectly here. The match was just kind of there though and it felt longer than it should have been.

Roode doesn’t want a hug post match.

Daniels celebrates in the back and offers to buy Joe dinner with the winnings. Joe says only one person can win and he’ll see Daniels out there.

D-Von asks Val if she’s part of the conspiracy to bring down TNA. He says that TNA can do nothing to stop them because this is their year. D-Von offers to give Val a job where he makes it rain.

D-Von/Doc vs. Alex Silva/Hernandez

Well that’s quite a coincidence. D-Von and Silva start things off and after about two minutes of circling each other we get some actual contact. Silva gets pounded down in the corner and D-Von is toying with him. A one footed dropkick staggers D-Von and it’s off to Hernandez to give him a real challenge. Off to Doc for the power vs. power match with both guys getting to show off their strength.

A delayed vertical suplex puts Doc down and it’s off to Silva who is promptly destroyed. D-Von crotches him against the post and it’s off to a chinlock by Doc. Off to D-Von again for a knee drop and a two count as Silva continues to be beaten down. Doc comes in with a legdrop for two and some elbows to the chest. A big splash gets another two as Silva’s destruction continues. D-Von puts on a front facelock but Silva escapes for the tag off to Hernandez. SuperMex cleans house but Alex tags himself back in like an idiot. A missile dropkick gets two on Doc but he gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin to advance.

Rating: D+. So a team that regularly works together is better than a thrown together team with a rookie for a member. It took ten minutes to get that point across? There’s nothing special to see here and if I have to hear about Taz’s sidecar one more time I’m going to lose my mind. The commentary on this show is absolutely horrible and it’s driving me insane.

Joey Ryan and Matt Morgan talk about percentages. I like Scott Steiner’s math a lot better.

Joseph Park talks about how important wins are. Christopher Daniels runs up and says he needs help. Joseph: “I told you she was seventeen!” Daniels offers Park 30% of the $100,000 (“$25,000 isn’t bad!”) for an alliance (“Your back is bigger than mine so I’ll be doing more work.”) but Park says no. He says if he wins, he’ll donate the money to a children’s charity in Chicago.

Matt Morgan/Robbie T vs. Joey Ryan/Al Snow

Wow, you mean people that don’t like each other are teaming together? That’s WACKY BROTHER! Once we were down to just two people left, why was Morgan surprised that Ryan was one of his opponents? Joey tries to run but Snow throws him back in to face Morgan. As Snow is throwing him in though, Ryan makes a quick tag so Snow gets the beating from Terry. Off to Morgan for some stomping of the ribs, which are covered in workout gear instead of wrestling attire.

Snow tries to get in a few shots but Robbie shrugs them off and rips at Al’s face. Tazz spends the whole match ripping into Snow for various reasons. Ryan bails away from a tag attempt as Tenay explains the Gut Check history between Snow and Ryan. Snow finally speeds things up a bit but Terry hooks a neckbreaker to put him right back down. We hit the chinlock for a bit as Terry tries to not screw stuff up. In an odd sequence, Snow catches Terry’s kick to the ribs, then tries a kick of his own which is also caught. He flips Terry off and hits an enziguri (to the shoulder) before making the tag.

Ryan is finally in and is immediately destroyed by Terry who hits a World’s Strongest Slam for two….as Matt Morgan makes the save. Morgan yells at Terry that Ryan is his partner, so Terry throws Ryan to a weakened Snow for a tag. Now Snow tries to get Terry to join up with him against Morgan before smacking Morgan in the face. Matt comes in and Snow is all fired up….and he tags Joey in. Morgan tries to tag in Terry as this completely falls apart. Snow bails from an attempted tag and runs a lap around the ring. Ryan offers to lay down and then jumps Morgan with the weakest forearms ever. The Carbon Footprint kills Ryan dead.

Rating: F. I have no idea what they were going for here, but it didn’t work. The fact that Ryan and Snow’s story was six months ago didn’t help at all here. I’m not sure what the rest of the story was supposed to be but whatever it was, it couldn’t have gone much worse. Absolutely terrible here and the last thing this show needed.

Joseph Park says he’s very tired but it was awesome to team with Roode. He doesn’t remember how they won at all though. Park also has no idea how a gauntlet match works.

Al Snow (in an interview clearly taped before the match as he looks perfectly fine) says he got his revenge on Ryan, which is worth more than the money.

We look back at the six matches to recap things.

Gauntlet Battle Royal

It’s basically a 12 man Royal Rumble meaning you eliminate people by going over the top and the winner get the money. Storm is #1 and Roode is #2. I think there are two minute intervals between entrants here. Roode sends him into the corner to start and pounds away as the announcers make thinly veiled references to the Royal Rumble. Storm comes back with an atomic drop and a backdrop before pounding away in the corner. Roode holds off elimination until D-Von is #3. That would put the intervals at about 90 seconds.

Storm gets double teamed for the entire time as Doc is #4. Seriously, there was nothing to talk about in that whole stretch. The bikers beat on the former Beer Money as Tazz asks what kind of a roller coaster he is. Storm gets up a boot in the corner and D-Von is in trouble. A double suplex puts Doc down and a double clothesline puts him out. D-Von clotheslines both guys down and Jesse Godderz is #5.

D-Von chokes Storm in the corner as Roode beats on Godderz. Bobby tries to put Storm out but Jesse the idiot breaks it up. Christian York is #6 as everyone fights each other. D-Von takes turns beating on Godderz and York as Beer Money continues their eternal feud. Joseph Park is #7 and appears to be sweating before he makes it to the ring. Now the intervals are at two minutes.

Roode offers an alliance with Park but kicks him in the ribs instead. Park runs him over before pounding on York in the corner, only to be hit low by D-Von. We’re into your standard battle royal formula here: a lot of stomping and punching near the ropes with the occasional attempted elimination. Mr. Anderson is #8 and still showing no indication of being part of Aces and 8’s here. He chops Jesse and hands him to Park for the easy elimination.

Now Anderson goes after Park for a bit before heading towards D-Von. The camera cuts away and once we go back, it’s Anderson working on Storm. Nice editing there. Park has D-Von in trouble in the corner but he sneaks back in. Daniels is #9 and you know he’s strutting on the way to the ring. He and Roode team up to have Park in trouble but an eye rake keeps the big man safe. Daniels is the only one doing much at the moment as we’re firmly in the battle royal lull.

Samoa Joe is #10 and he goes right for Daniels with rapid fire right hands. Now he’s after D-Von as Tazz freaks out. York and Daniels both survive elimination attempts and not a lot else happens at the moment. Rob Terry is #11 which means Morgan is #12. Terry starts cleaning house with clotheslines and throws out York to clear some space. Daniels joins York on the floor at Terry’s hands before Anderson misses a charge and goes out as well.

Here’s Morgan at #12, giving us a final grouping of Storm, Roode, D-Von, Park, Joe, Terry and Morgan. Terry tells Morgan to bring it on but D-Von and Park break up the staredown. Now it’s Park vs. Morgan and Joseph is out before I can finish typing that. Joe gets a running start at Morgan but is easily tossed out as well to get us down to five. A very low blow from Morgan is enough to eliminate Terry so we’ve got D-Von, Roode, Storm and Morgan.

Speaking of Morgan, he misses the Carbon Footprint and hits the ropes, allowing Storm to forearm him out. With the referee not looking, Knux of Aces and 8’s comes out and pulls Roode through the ropes and out to the floor. Knux tries to cheat again but D-Von hits him by mistake, allowing Storm to toss D-Von. Roode throws Storm over but makes the eternal mistake of not watching him the floor. One Last Call later and Storm wins the money.

Rating: D+. It’s a battle royal. What else do you want me to say here? It followed the same plot that almost all matches like this one follow, meaning it was ok once in awhile but for the most part there’s nothing of note to see. Storm winning is fine, although I’m really getting tired of people going bell to bell in battle royals. We get it: it’s something impressive. Let it rest already.

Lots of beer is consumed and Storm gets a massive check. He says the drinks are on him tonight and sorry about all the losers’ luck.

Apparently the next one of these is Hardcore Justice, which will include a Team 3D reunion and the return of some old hardcore guys, including Homicide, Hardcore Holly (he was never in TNA was he?) and…..Jackie Moore. DANG IT ALL!!!!!

Overall Rating: D+. As is going to be the case with these shows, the overall rating is a bit lighter than on other shows. At the end of the day, these shows are nothing of note and are there to fill in a spot. It was $15 for an HD PPV that runs over two and a half hours, so how much can you really complain? The concept is just ok and the ending is nothing special, but I’ve seen FAR worse PPVs. X-Travaganza was better though, and I can’t see many dropping lower than this one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

On Impact Angle unmasked the second in command and was shocked at who he saw.  He said “how could you” as he looked down at the guy, which means it’s someone we’ve probably known all along.  The most likely suspects are:Hogan: He’s a suspect for the leader of any heel stable because that’s the best idea TNA can come up with.

Joe: It would be a swerve, which is what TNA does most often.  It wouldn’t make sense but it would be the most likely pick probably.

Park/Abyss: Again it would be a surprise, but can you picture either character as the leader of a biker gang?

Bully Ray: Yeah he was in the ring on a live show seconds before this happened, but why should that stop them?

Brooke: Not the size, but if it gets Brooke a more prominent role on TV, why not do it?

Matt Morgan: He popped up on Impact for the first time in months at the same time the VP arrived, which sounds to be too much to be a coincidence to me.

D’Lo Brown: He’s been mentioned for months as a member of the team and there were small hints to it being him months ago, but to call this an underwhelming development would be the understatement of all time.

Eric Bischoff: Same reason as Hulk.

AJ Styles: The motorcycle he rode off on would seem to be a clue, but AJ was doing fine when the whole story started which would make a lot less sense.  it would however give us a top star in Aces and 8’s, which is what they need more than anything.

Jeff Jarrett: He’s been mentioned as a potential leader for months but why would that shock Angle, who has feuded on and off with Jarrett for years now?

 

At the end of the day, I’m going with either Joe or Park as VP with Eric Bischoff winding up as the leader/mastermind of the whole thing.  Not that either of them would be a great pick, but this is TNA where the reveals of leaders are rarely anything good.

 

Thoughts/predictions?

Impact Wrestling
Date: October 18, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

We’re in a new era now as BFG 2012 is officially over and we now have a member of Aces and 8’s known in the form of D-Von. On top of that, they have full access to the Impact Zone, which is completely different from the last few months when they came and went as they pleased because…..well because that’s what the stipulations say. Oh and Hardy is now world champion. Let’s get to it.

After a highlight package from BFG we’re ready to go.

Aces and 8’s arrive to open the show. They point to the monitor and the boss and company are toasting themselves in the back. D-Von is officially the newest member apparently and not the leader. That doesn’t exactly make things better but it’s a thing at least. Here’s D-Von to the arena as well to celebrate with the group of Aces and 8’s in the ring. The fans chant that D-Von sold out.

D-Von says that the Aces and 8’s are the ones that always had his back and the people in the Impact Zone are inbred pieces of crap. He joined Aces and 8’s because he can. He thanks the guy that brought him into the group because….and he trails off. Regarding Bubba, this is payback for two years ago when Bubba turned on him and put his son through a table. You know, because everyone was waiting on resolution to THAT.

Cue Sting, Ray, and about half the roster. It’s a big brawl almost immediately and here comes Hogan……and we take a break. Yep we take a break nine minutes into the show with a brawl going on and with nothing explained. Back with Aces and 8’s out of the ring with TNA standing tall. They charge the ring again but then stop. Hogan says with full access comes the requirement to fight. Sting wants to fight D-Von tonight and Hogan says that fight is on or D-Von is gone. D-Von says ok. This story is so freaking dull.

We recap the world title match from the PPV. Hardy gets a celebration tonight. Aries says he’ll attend and bring cookies.

Back with Hogan in the back talking about how Jeff Hardy is defending next week. It’ll be against one of four challengers: Storm, Anderson, the winner of a triple threat, and someone else to be named. Park comes in and Hogan praises Park. Hogan sends the cameras out so they can chat.

TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. Robbie E

Joe pounds away to start and drops a knee for two. Robbie T blocks the MuscleBuster and Joe no sells chops. Joe dives onto T with a suicide elbow and kicks E out of the air. Back in and the MuscleBuster sets up the Clutch for the submission at 2:38.

Robbie T gets choked out too.

Jesse Godderz is pressing tara in the back. They make out a bit and drop celebrity names.

Tara vs. ODB

Non-title and ODB yells at Eric on the phone for not being here. She’s still on the phone during her entrance. ODB grabs Tara and pounds away to start. Apparently Tessmacher gets a rematch next week. ODB puts her ring in her picket which can’t be a good thing. She slams Tara down and talks to Eric on the phone some more. Jesse gets his face shoved in ODB’s chest and it’s back to the phone. Tara keeps pulling ODB’s hair and let’s stop for more kissing. ODB takes a shot from the flak, spits it at Jesse, and hits the Bam for the pin at 3:14.

Rating: D. I hated this. I hate reality TV, I hate alcohol, I thought the phone thing was stupid, and I hate the booking of having the new champion lose four days after the title change. Oh and I hate women’s wrestling in general. Nothing to see here and I don’t care about anything that just happened.

AJ talks to Angle and says it’s every man for himself in the three way tonight.

Kid Kash/Gunner vs. Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero

Non-title again. SuperMex throws both guys around and gorilla presses Kash down. An overhead belly to belly sends the 40+ year old Kid flying. Off to Gunner who gets caught by a slingshot hilo for two. Heel double teaming gives the challengers the advantage. The beating goes on for awhile but Chavo fights back with a European uppercut. Hot tag brings in SuperMex who cleans house, sends Kash flying, and a Chavo top rope rope cross body gets the pin at 5:04.

Rating: D+. This was just an extended workout for the champions here in a match that wasn’t interesting. Kash and Gunner are just there as a jobbing team and when you only have like five teams, having one of them job all the time is pretty pointless. Nothing to see here, exactly like the rest of the show.

Park wants to fight Aces and 8’s. Ray wants to talk to Hogan alone but Hogan says it’s ok to have Park there. Ray thanks Sting for letting him fight with him. He wants to be in the match with D-Von, but Hogan puts him in as one of the four guys next week instead. This ticks Ray off and Sting has to play peacemaker.

Here’s Hardy for the championship celebration…..and he has a custom belt with the face on it. WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THAT??? He gets pyro and confetti and all the jazz you would expect him to. Jeff thanks the fans for being with him through everything and is excited for his first defense next week.

Cue Aries with balloons and cookies. The fans want cookies. Aries congratulates Jeff on beating him on a PPV which no one else could do. Aries loses the balloons and Hardy knocks the cookies away. Austin isn’t sure where his world title went but that’s not it on Jeff’s shoulder. He can cash in his rematch clause anywhere but he’s going to wait for Hardy to crumble under the pressure. Aries makes fun of the new belt and spits on it. Jeff tries a Twist but Aries bails. This was the first good segment of the night.

AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Kurt Angle

No Kaz in sight and the winner gets to be in the Championship competition next week with Anderson, Ray and Storm. Daniels gets shoved down to start and the other guys go at it. AJ takes over with the drop down/kick but Daniels gets back up and jumps Styles. Angle goes all nuts and suplexes both guys silly to take over. AJ immediately comes back with an enziguri but the Clash is countered into the ankle lock.

Angle is rammed into the post by Daniels as is his custom, leaving us with the life partners of Daniels and Styles. AJ hits the springboard forearm on Angle, Daniels hits a Blue Thunder Bomb on AJ, AJ Pele’s Angle down before moonsaulting Daniels on the floor. AJ is holding his knee and limping now. Back in and Angle hits an Angle Slam out of nowhere for the pin on Daniels at 6:55.

Rating: C+. Not terrible here but it felt like this ended quickly. Maybe AJ’s knee really is hurt but it’s hard to say. Either way, this was fine while it lasted but it could have been a lot better. Angle winning is a ncie idea though as he hasn’t been in the world title picture in awhile. That’s the perk of him: you can thrown him in there anytime and it works fine.

AJ won’t shake Angle’s hand post match.

Joey Ryan and Matt Morgan run into Hogan in the back. Hogan welcomes Ryan and yells at Morgan for interfering last Sunday. Morgan calls Hogan Terry and is mad about Hogan not making Morgan a big name. Hogan says he defended Morgan in creative meetings for years. Morgan is mad and slams Hogan against the wall and leaves. Hogan chuckles.

After a recap of Storm vs. Roode, here’s the Cowboy for a chat. Storm says what goes around comes away, and a year ago this whole thing started with Bobby Roode. It was on his bucket list of things to do. Now he wants the world title back. This brings out Roode who talks about the two of them promising to leave it all in the ring. Storm asks for a chair so Roode can have a seat while he kisses up to Roode. Bobby says Storm should be kissing up to Roode for launching his career. Storm apparently owes Roode for getting his first title and declares himself the better man. Last Call knocks Roode out cold.

Sting vs. D-Von

Now THERE is a main even! D-Von jumps him to start but gets caught in a release flapjack. Sting kicks a the legs but misses the Stinger Splash. Sting pounds away on D-Von and we head to the floor as we take a break. Back with D-Von taking over in a slugout and choking Sting a bit. D-Von fires off some elbows to the chest and is in total control.

A diving headbutt gets two as the fans are split on this one. Off to the chinlock followed by a jumping back elbow to take Sting down again. D-Von misses a middle rope headbutt and Sting makes his comeback. Splash, Death Drop, Deathlock, but here are Aces and 8’s for the DQ at 10:57.

Rating: D. It’s freaking 1997 all over again. At the end of the day, D-Von is a career tag team guy who won the lower midcard title in TNA for his only career singles success. On top of that, you had Sting beating him at the end which is the last thing you want to do for a guy who is supposed to be a big deal now. Nothing to see here.

It’s a big brawl to end the show until Ray runs out with a bat to clear the ring to end the show. IT REALLY IS 1997 ALL OVER AGAIN!

Overall Rating: D. That’s being about as generous as I can be here. This show bored me half to death with D-Von doing nothing at all to energize it. On top of that, it’s like nothing has momentum and there’s no sign of anything building any for the time being. I don’t buy D-Von in the main event scene but he’s there now and that’s all there is to say. The main stories aren’t grabbing me right now and that’s a bad thing.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Robbie E – Koquina Clutch

ODB b. Tara – The Bam

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Kid Kash/Gunner – Cross body to Kash

Kurt Angle b. AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels – Angle Slam to Daniels

Sting b. D-Von via DQ when Aces and 8’s interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: July 12, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the beginning of the Age of Aries which is more astrology than I ever expected to use in this show. Aries beat Roode for the title on Sunday in a big upset but it worked very well. Also the people that attacked Sting are here tonight which should be interesting. TNA continued its roll on Sunday and hopefully they can get a new Impact streak going tonight. Let’s get to it.

Bully Ray vs. Joseph Park

This is the rematch after their match at whatever show that was. Slammiversary I believe? This is anything goes and Abyss is barred from the building. We start with some comedy stuff as Park puts his hands up like he did at the PPV, but Ray has had enough of the attorney and beats him down. He even tweets something during the match. Ray heads to the floor and gets some weapons in a trashcan. Park takes Ray down but takes too long getting a chair ready and Ray takes over.

Park makes a comeback with some rights and lefts but he gets caught by a big boot to the head. Ray heads to the floor and pulls out a bag of something. Ah it’s the classic bag of tacks and Ray asks for the mic. He says this is what he should have done to Abyss a long time ago. Park comes back with a cheese grater to the balls and a kendo stick shot to the head for two. He hits something like a chokeslam onto the tacks for two and Ray gets the chain. A shot to Park’s face with that gets the pin at about 6:00 (I missed the opening bell).

Rating: C. This was the only possible outcome they could have here. Park winning once on a fluke with Abyss helping was one thing, but when it was one on one there wasn’t much else they could do. This was exactly what you would expect it to be and there’s nothing wrong with that. Fun match and the right continuation for the feud.

The shot busted Park open and he freaks out about it. Ray charges at Park and runs into the Black Hole Slam. Park wakes up and doesn’t believe what just happened. Tenay: “Ray just brought out the monster in Park.” Subtle Mike.

Sting is in the back with the Dead Man’s Hand from last week. That should be interesting.

After a break Ray wants to know who that was. He beat Joseph Park, but who was that.

Here are the updated BFG Series Standings:

Samoa Joe 37

James Storm 36

Jeff Hardy 21

Kurt Angle 20

Magnus 14

Mr. Anderson 9

D’Angelo Dinero 7

Rob Van Dam 7

AJ Styles 7

Christopher Daniels 5

Bully Ray 0

Robbie E 0

Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam has fewer points so he goes for a fast submission. Joe will have none of that and stands Van Dam up, taking his head off with a clothesline. Van Dam heads to the floor but gets caught in a dragon screw leg whip back inside. Joe fires off kicks and rolls into a heel hook. Snap powerslam sets up a cross armbreaker but RVD makes a fast rope. Van Dam makes a comeback and hits Rolling Thunder. Joe takes him down and puts on a modified figure four, but RVD counters into a small package for the pin at 4:54.

Rating: C+. This was another fun little match. Van Dam needs some points to get back in the tournament and a small package win over Joe is a fine way to do that. The idea of the match was that Joe was so focused on the submission that he left himself open to be pinned. That’s a basic idea but it worked very well. Good stuff here and it did a few good jobs at once, which is hard to do.

Clair says she has nothing to say.

Hogan is looking for someone.

Here are Daniels and Kaz for a chat. Kaz says that AJ thinks this is ending but it’s just the beginning. They’ve been feuding HOW MANY YEARS now and it’s just beginning? Daniels agrees that what AJ did at the PPV was wrong, but that’s what you have to expect from Styles. He has Clair come out and talks about how she’s gone through a lot, which made her make mistakes. Clair reached out for someone, and that someone wound up being AJ.

Cue Styles who tells Daniels to let it die. Daniels says that there’s something that Styles doesn’t know. He says that he (Daniels) and Clair have talked about this and that there’s something Clair wants to admit. Clair keeps trying to talk but AJ keeps cutting him off. Clair finally gets in and says that Daniels is right about AJ being the father of the baby. AJ says no he’s not and we go to a break.

AJ has no idea what’s going on.

Anderson talks about his match with Angle.

We recap the X Title tournament on Sunday with Ion getting the title. When Sorensen comes back and beats him, the roof is coming off the Impact Zone.

Dakota Darsow says he doesn’t like Ion and what he did on Sunday. Of all the people in the tournament, you pick THIS GUY to put on first?

Zema Ion vs. Dakota Darsow

Non-title. Ion points to his neck so Darsow goes after him. Darsow takes over for a second but gets sent to the apron. In a cool counter, Darsow hits a slingshot spear through the ropes to take Ion down again. Ion hits a Stunner on the top rope and a jumping DDT to take Darsow down and the snap Gory Bomb gets the pin at 2:22. Just a step above a squash.

Ion snaps Darsow’s arm post match. SWEET. Ion says that if Sorensen doesn’t want to see his friends get hurt anymore, he needs to realize that Ion is dangerous. When have Darsow and Sorensen been friends on camera?

Here’s Aries to celebrate his title win. He says this was a great moment for the wrestling industry and actually asks the fans to chill with the cheering so he can talk. It wasn’t in a rude way though. He talks about how wrestling has down cycles and then it booms. TNA is about to lead wrestling into the next boom. He’s gotten congratulations from a lot of people, including celebrities, NFL players, and world champions from other organizations. This is the most important title in wrestling now because he holds it.

Cue Roode who is so angry that he can barely speak. He tries to yell at Aries about having all of this now but he can’t get the words out. There goes his jacket and he shouts the word YOU a lot. He finally calls Aries a fluke and Aries says he may be a fluke, but he’s the champ. Roode freaks out and leaves. Good stuff here.

Sting and Hulk are in the back talking about the attack when D-Von and Garrett come in and says they’re offering protection in case the guys jump Sting again. All Sting has to do is say the word. Hogan says thanks but we’ve got it covered.

Angle talks about his match later tonight.

Madison talks about how she likes Hebner.

Knockout Title: Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

Brooke Hogan is on commentary because I haven’t suffered enough today. Gail takes over to start and works on the arm of the champ. She hooks a belly to back suplex with a hammerlock slam at the same time. Gail hooks some kind of a hold on the arm, followed by Cattle Mutilation of all things. Tessmacher makes her comeback with a facejam out of the corner and that Russian legsweep into a clothesline gets two. A rollup gets two for Gail and she stomps away. Tessmacher knocks her down and hits a top rope elbow off the top to retain at 5:12.

Rating: D+. These girls are getting worse again. Tessmacher is someone who has charisma and looks good in those shorts of hers, but there’s no skill in the ring that I can see. She’s about as good as you can get at this point in her career as she was a model and dancer up to this point, but her matches are nothing to see. Gail was her usual self here.

Clair says she has proof that AJ is the father.

Magnus talks about calling out James Storm next week.

Bound For Glory Series: Kurt Angle vs. Mr. Anderson

Anderson takes him to the mat to start which is surprising. Angle gets put in an armbar but Kurt quickly breaks it. He takes over with a belly to belly as we take a break. Back with Anderson hitting a suplex to put both guys down. He hits a neckbreaker but Angle rolls the Germans. Angle Slam is countered and there’s the Regal Roll to Angle. That gets two and the Mic Check misses. Angle Slam gets two and there’s the ankle lock, which stays on for a LONG time. Anderson finally rolls out of it and there’s there Mic Check for two. With the bad ankle hindering him, Anderson walks into the Angle Slam for the pin at a time I didn’t get.

Roode rants to Hogan and Sting and it’s going to be Roode vs. Aries next week and if Roode wins, he gets the rematch for the title at Hardcore Justice.

Here’s Sting to close the show. He says it’s great to be back in the Impact Zone and calls out Hogan for his assistance. And there’s no Hogan. The music plays three times and there’s no Hulk. We cut to the back where Brooke is running off what appeared to be four masked guys who have jumped Hulk. Hogan says it’s his leg and the guys jump Sting in the arena. There are five of them here.

Overall Rating: C+. I wasn’t feeling this one. There was way too much focus on Sting and Hogan here and Aries, the guy leading the company into the new era, was on for what, six minutes? That’s not a good sign as while the Sting story is interesting, it’s not what the focus should be on in this company. Decent show overall and WAY better than last week, but it looks like the focus is shifting to the old guys again and that’s the last thing they want to do at this point.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: July 5, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the final show before Destination X and we’ll mainly just be driving home the stories for the show. We’ll likely get more on the AJ/Dixie/Clair/Daniels/Kaz story which isn’t really clicking all that well. Other than that we also have the other two X-Division tournament qualifying matches which can bring in some new blood to the division. The main event tonight is Hardy vs. Storm which should be good. Let’s get to it.

We open with the voiceover guy explaining the Park vs. Ray story so far. Actually he’s also explaining the AJ/Dixie thing.

Here’s Ray to open the show. He has a huge announcement: he’s going live on Twitter. After his first tweet, he wants Joseph Park out here right now. Cue Park so Ray can accept the challenge for I assume next week. Park talks about precedent and how Park already beat Ray once, so he can do it again. Ray gets in his face but Park says that everyone is fed up with Ray and his bullying and he’ll win again. It’s next Thursday and anything goes. Ray pulls out a paper which is a restraining order against Abyss. If Abyss shows up, he’s going straight to jail. Ray jumps him and walks out. Nice change of pace here.

Aries and Hogan are in the back. Hogan says that Aries has to relinquish the title tonight and Aries says he’ll do it at the end of the night.

After a break we get ANOTHER recap of the AJ/Dixie thing.

Dixie is in the back with the agents and apparently she hasn’t talked to Clair (she was sitting next to Clair last week when everything happened) or AJ and has no comment.

TV Title: D-Von vs. Crimson

Crimson grabs a pair of quick two counts and make it three, the third try having his feet on the ropes. That gets him nowhere so he hammers D-Von into the corner. A low clothesline gets two and D-Von starts his comeback. Crimson takes his head off with a clothesline for another two which was really sloppy. Crimson walks into the spinebuster for the pin at 2:02. As usual, D-Von comes, he goes, the match ends and we move on to the next week.

Here’s Madison Rayne and she likes……Earl Hebner. Oh sweet goodness.

Here’s Sabin for a statement after his latest knee injury. He talks about how his dream is turning into a nightmare. He went home and talked to his family and they weren’t sure if he could keep doing this. His doctor isn’t sure either….and here’s Bobby Roode. Roode says that this is heartbreaking, but it’s also pathetic.

Just like every other X-Division guy, Sabin is complaining about his little injuries, just like he did last year and just like Sorensen is doing about his broken neck. Aries is giving up his title for one big score, but it could all go away from him, just like this. And with that, Roode kicks the leg out from under Sabin. He stomps away until Aries makes the save. Pure evil from Roode here.

X-Division Title Tournament Qualifying Match: Dakota Darsow vs. Flip Cassanova

Cassanova is Flip Kendrick. He does exactly what his name says and flips A LOT. Cassanova hits a standing 450 moonsault, landing in a sitting position on Darsow’s (Demolition Smash’s son) chest. Out to the floor and Flip hits a big spinning flip dive moonsaut. Cassanova has some freakishly skinny legs. Darsow kind of sucks in this as he’s looking completely off. His nose is also busted. Cassanova hits a springboard clothesline and a 630 dive off the top for the pin at 4:08.

Rating: F. This was BAD. Cassanova is one of those guys that flies all over the place but it looks like a mess most of the time. The ending looked horrible and I’d be stunned if Darsow wasn’t legit hurt. I can easily see why Darsow isn’t in FCW anymore. This was absolutely terrible and easily the worst match on TNA in months.

There’s no Knockout Title match tonight for no apparent reason. It’s a tag match instead.

We recap the end of the Gut Check segment last week.

Gail Kim/Madison Rayne vs. Tara/Miss Tessmacher

Madison jumps Tessmacher to start and sends her to the floor. Back in and Gail takes over as we get some great shots from behind of Tara. Madison comes back in and beats on the champ a bit more before it’s hot tag to Tara. House is cleanted by Gail breaks up the Widow’s Peak. Tara whips Madison into Gail and the Peak hits this time. Back to Tessmacher so that legsweep into a clothesline can get the pin at 2:57. Another bad match here and stupid booking as the right idea would be to have Gail pin Tessmacher to set up next week’s match. This advances nothing.

Storm talks about losing at Lockdown. He can’t live in the past anymore.

Here’s AJ to address the situation from last week (which we see for the third time in less than an hour. He talks about how Daniels had a big fake story last time, so how is he going to prove it this time? Cue Daniels and Kaz who say that while AJ might not get this, he does get junkies pregnant. AJ says he’ll use his redneck hands to rip Kaz’s head off. Daniels says he has proof but AJ cuts him off.

AJ says this started last year at Destination X when AJ won and Daniels couldn’t handle it. Now it’s a year later and Styles wants another match at Destination X. It’s a last man standing match and since Daniels isn’t a man, he doesn’t stand a chance. That’s it apparently, as we won’t be hearing from the girls at all. Next.

We look at a camera filming Hogan talking about Sunday when a guy comes in with an envelope, saying that this is the end for Hogan. He hands Hogan an envelope which Hogan opens to see playing cards: two pair, aces and 8’s, which is famously known as the Dead Man’s Hand. It also says see you next week. The guy leaves and that’s it.

Video on Jeff Hardy who wants to win the BFG Series.

X-Division Title Tournament Qualifying Match: Kenny King vs. Lars Only

King is one half of the ROH Tag Team Champions. Only looks like a rocker or something. Apparently the title match will be Ultimate X. King hits a Japanese armdrag and makes fun of Only’s guitar playing gimmick. Only speeds things up (he’s a TINY dude) and hits a cross body to the back and a kick to the head for two. Actually there’s going to be 8 people in the tournament and the four winners of semi-finals will be in Ultimate X. Ok then.

They head to the floor and Kenny hits a flip off the apron as Tenay talks about male strippers. Back in and a kind of Pele gets two for King. Only avoids a legdrop and sends King back to the floor. Lars takes Kenny down with a kind of 619 around the post into a bad rana. A HORRIBLE looking modified Stunner gets two for Only. Lars tries a tornado DDT but King escapes and hits a reverse F5 (same starting position but Lars landed on his back) for the pin at 5:12.

Rating: D+. Lars is REALLY bad. This has been one of the worst in ring nights from TNA that I can remember in a very long time. This didn’t work for the most part at all but King was light years ahead of Only out there. If nothing else he doesn’t look to be Mysterio’s size but with none of the talent.

King says on Sunday a King will be crowned.

Video on Aries who is getting ready for his match on Sunday. He always finds a way to win, usually with brainbusters. He can win on his own merits, unlike Roode who needs beer bottles.

Aries hugs King in the back and they chat a bit. King leaves and a guy asks Aries if he’s going to relinquish the title tonight. Aries says of course he is.

Here are the BFG Series standings:

James Storm 36

Samoa Joe 27

Magnus 14

Kurt Angle 10

Mr. Anderson 8

D’Angelo Dinero 7

Jeff Hardy 7

Rob Van Dam 7

Christoper Daniels 5

Bully Ray 0

Robbie E 0

AJ Styles 0

Bound For Glory Series: Jeff Hardy vs. James Storm

Feeling out process to start and it’s a standoff about a minute in. Hardy runs from the Last Call and Storm runs away from the Twist of Fate. Tazz tries to explain that the Twist is faster than the kick which is kind of head scratching. We’re three minutes into this now and there’s been barely any contact. Storm hides on the floor so Jeff dives at him but only hits ropes. They lock up and we take a break. Great.

Back with Hardy having his chinlock broken up. This match is almost going in slow motion. They’re not doing anything of note which I hope isn’t what they call an epic match feel. Storm makes his comeback but Hardy takes him right back down and hits the legdrop between Storm’s legs for two. Storm goes to the corner and hits a kind of mat slam out of the corner for two. Hardy is holding his arm. He sends Storm to the floor and hits a dropkick through the ropes.

Hardy dives onto Storm but gets caught in a Codebreaker which the announcers seem to miss. Back in and Storm clotheslines him down but misses a corner splash. Hardy hits the slingshot dropkick and there goes the shirt. Swanton misses so Storm goes up and hits a top rope elbow for two. Last Call misses and there’s the Twist for the pin at 14:07.

Rating: D+. If this was supposed to be their big epic main event, it really didn’t work. The stuff before the break was Storm running away like a heel would and the stuff after the break was nothing better. TNA main event matches have a real problem with building drama and it was no exception here. Hardy avoided the kick and hit the Twist out of nowhere. It wasn’t horrible or anything but it was nothing great. Just kidn of there.

They shake hands post match.

We recap the history of Angle vs. Joe because they have a match on Sunday. Scratch that as it’s just Angle debuting and fighting Joe.

We run down the card, which is Angle vs. Joe, the title match, AJ vs. Daniels, four X matches and the Ultimate X match. Based on what we saw tonight…..oh dear.

Bound For Glory is in Phoenix.

Angle vs. Anderson is the main event next week.

Here’s Hogan for the closing segment with five minutes left. Hogan says he isn’t used to the fans being this loud….and here’s Roode. Roode says Hogan has been suckered in by this Option C thing and it’s been nothing but false promises from Hogan. On Sunday he’s killing the X Division and it’s on Hogan’s hands.

Cue Aries who says Roode has a tendency to do this a lot. Aries says the options tonight are to give the belt to Hogan, or wait for Sunday to beat up Roode, or Option C: beat up Roode now. There goes the jacket and they get in each others’ faces and Roode backs down. He swings the belt but Aries ducks and blasts Roode with the X Belt to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The streak of hot shows didn’t end tonight. It was shot through the head and dismembered tonight. This show was awful with bad matches throughout and a pretty weak build up for the PPV on Sunday. Aries vs. Roode looks good but other than that, I have no desire to see anything on the show. This didn’t work at all and I really hope it’s a one off problem so it doesn’t end their great streak forever.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews