Joey Janela’s Spring Break 4
Date: October 10, 2020
Location: Marion County Fairgrounds, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Kevin Gill, Lenny Leonard

So due to me having an obsession with finishing series, we have one of the two Spring Break shows that I’ve never done. This is from the time when Covid was still running wild so the crowd is shall we say sparse. It’s also not spring, but Wrestlemania Weekend was canceled so this is about as good as we’re getting. I have no idea what to expect here so let’s get to it.

The opening video shows Joey Janela walking into a convenience store and getting a drink but getting annoyed at seeing something about the Rock N Roll Express. Another customer comes in and the clerk asks if he’s going to spring break. We see a graphic for Janela vs. Ricky Morton…and then the clerk chokes Janela. I’ve seen weirder from this show.

The crowd looks tiny due to social distancing.

Here is GCW World Champion Rickey Shane Page, with the required goons, to say he won’t defend the title but he does have an opponent in mind: Marcus Mathers, who is a young student here. Mathers comes out but Page calls him stupid and tells him to leave. The second option is the son of ECW legend 911, 411! Apparently it’s a guy named Big Dom, who comes to the ring and gets beaten down by Page’s goons. Cue Danhausen and he gets beaten down by the goons as well. We do have an opponent though.

Rickey Shane Page vs. Orange Cassidy

Page’s GCW World Title isn’t on the line and he has a bunch of goons with him. They both roll to the floor to start until Cassidy rolls back inside…and keeps rolling to the other side. The goons throw him back in, with Page having to stop another roll. Cassidy puts his hands in his pockets and Page takes them out for the BOO/YAY sequence. They run the ropes and Cassidy dropkicks him outside but a goon cuts Cassidy off so Page can run back in to stomp away.

Another trip to the floor lets the goons hammer away before setting up a door over some chairs. Back in and Cassidy gets in the lazy strikes, setting up the dive to the floor. Cassidy’s double noggin knocker sends two goons off the apron and through some doors at ringside. Back in and the chokebreaker gives Page two so he goes to get some of Cassidy’s juice. That goes too far so Cassidy kicks it into his face, decks one of the goons, and grabs the Mousetrap for the pin on Page at 8:00.

Rating: C+. So the point is that Page, the World Champion, is losing a bunch in these non-title matches but he’s bragging about still having the belt? I’ve heard worse ideas, but it’s one of those things that is kind of a self defeating concept. The fans popped for Cassidy though and that shouldn’t be a surprise given how he was being featured in AEW.

Video on Matt Tremont, who is apparently finishing up with GCW, with his last match tonight.

Ironbeast vs. Rascalz

That would be KTB/Shane Mercer vs. Zachary Wentz/Desmond Xavier, the latter of whom is better known as Wes Lee in NXT. The Rascalz start fast and Wentz hits a Bronco Buster on KTB, followed by a double dive to the floor. Back in and Ironbeast starts throwing them around with the suplexes but pauses to grab the doors. Wentz gets stomped down in the corner, with Xavier getting thrown into him so they can both be crushed in the corner.

A pop up piledriver sets up a Lionsault for two on Wentz, but he’s back with a headscissors to send the monsters together. Xavier comes back in to clean house but stereo dives are pulled out of the air. Ironbeast throws them together but Xavier slips out of a Doomsday Device. A four way knockdown gives us a breather before the Rascalz strike KTB down. Xavier’s dive is cut off with a raised door and a toss into a German suplex finishes Wentz at 9:32.

Rating: B-. Simple, to the point story here with the classic power vs. speed setup. It’s worked for years in wrestling and it worked again here. Mercer isn’t someone who is likely to become a big star elsewhere but he’s fine as an indy powerhouse. The Rascalz are quite good at what they do and they were getting to showcase themselves a bit here, even in defeat.

Jonathan Gresham vs. Lee Moriarty

They shake hands to start before going to the mat, with Gresham out wrestling him to start in on the arm. Moriarty has to bail over to the ropes and the fans approve early on. They fight over hammerlocks and Gresham can’t spin out of a wristlock. An exchange of headlocks goes to the mat and we have another standoff. A high angle springboard armdrag takes Gresham down and Moriarty gets to take over on the arm.

Something close to a crossface chickenwing has Gresham in more trouble and Moriarty rams the arm into the corner. Gresham gets out and snaps Moriarty’s arm for a breather, followed by a running kick to the arm. Moriarty’s arm gets tied up on the mat, including with Gresham’s legs, with the ankle being spun around for a bonus. Moriarty finally rolls out so Gresham starts twisting the fingers.

Back up and Moriarty uses the good forearm to escape and an enziguri staggers Gresham. A running double stomp gives Moriarty two and he rams his own shoulder into the buckle to get it back in place. Moriarty goes after Gresham’s arm for a change with a DDT on the arm, setting up a Fujiwara armbar to send Gresham over to the ropes.

Back up and Gresham kicks him out to the floor for a change before tying the arm up again back inside. Moriarty is back with another cross armbreaker but Gresham, eventually, makes the rope. They trade forearms to the face until Gresham grabs a German suplex into a running forearm to the back of the head for two. Two more running shots to the head get two more and the Octopus with shots to the head makes Moriarty tap at 20:46.

Rating: B. This was the technical showcase and it worked rather well, which shouldn’t be a surprise. Gresham was long since known as the technical master and Moriarty more or less followed in his footsteps. He wound up signing with AEW about a year after this, which isn’t shocking given how easily he hung in there with someone as good as Gresham.

Post match Gresham puts over Alex Shelley and Lee Moriarty. After some prodding, Moriarty eventually shakes hands.

Team Pazuzu vs. Alex Zayne/Blake Christian/Jordan Oliver

Pazuzu is Chris Dickinson/Santana/Ortiz. Christian goes after the rather strong Dickinson’s arm to start but gets wrestled down without much trouble. A double leg brings Dickinson down for a change and they roll into the ropes. Back up and Dickinson wants a shot to the face, with Christian just making him mad. A hard shoulder drops Christian again and it’s Santana coming in to strike away in the corner.

Santana’s running clothesline cuts off the comeback attempt but Christian gets over to Oliver anyway. That’s fine with the villains, who take Oliver into the corner for the alternating beatdown. Christian manages to get over for the tag to Zayne, who is quickly northern lights suplexed for two. Zayne fights up and hits a slingshot hilo to the back, allowing Christian to come back in for the rapid fire forearms.

Dickinson comes back in with the kick to the back and a snap suplex gets two. Santana hits his own snap suplex for his own two as everything breaks down. A powerbomb drops Christian and his leg gets wrapped around the post. Dickinson actually gets smart by grabbing a half crab, followed by a leg trap piledriver (ok then) for two. Santana is back in with a top rope double stomp to the back before kicking the leg out again. Christian finally manages to get in a kick of his own, setting up a snap German suplex.

Everything breaks down and Zayne hits a shooting star double knees to the back of Dickinson’s head (ow). Christian’s springboard 450 gets a VERY delayed two but Dickinson is back up with a hard clothesline. Another powerbomb into Santana’s German suplex gets two and a Death Valley Driver into a frog splash gets….two on Zayne as these near falls are getting a bit much. Christian comes back in to slug it out with Dickinson until Oliver is in to help with a running knee. Zayn hits a big dive but Christian’s 450 hits raised knees. A toss Razor’s Edge gives Dickinson the pin at 23:54.

Rating: B-. GCW doesn’t have the best reputation but this was yet another good match in a series of them on this show. They played a simple story here and that’s all it needed to be. You had a bunch of talented villains against three scrappy underdogs who were trying their best. It worked well here, with an enjoyable match despite it being rather long.

Post match Dickinson asks for some respect for the other team and GCW as a whole. Santana thanks the fans and we get a bunch of handshakes.

Tony Deppen vs. Alex Shelley

This is Deppen’s handpicked match and Shelley uses a chair to get into the ring for some reason. Deppen grabs a cravate to start as commentary puts over GCW’s stars as the future of wrestling. They go to the back mat with Shelley working on the leg and then grabbing a headlock. That’s broken up and Deppen hits a dropkick, only to get caught with a tornado DDT out of the corner.

A slugout on the apron sets up Shelley hitting a DDT but Deppen blocks the Downward Spiral into the corner. Deppen switches things up with a Figure Four, with Shelley making the ropes without much trouble. Back up and Shelley keeps it simple with a kick to the head, only for Deppen to take the leg out again. Shelley sends him into the corner for a needed breather and they trade the forearms.

Deppen gets smart by chopping the bad knee so Shelley knees him in the ribs. A hanging swinging suplex gives Shelley two but the knee gives out again. Deppen knees him into the corner and a springboard Codebreaker gets two more. An STF sends Shelley over to the ropes again so Deppen knees him in the face. Shelley is right back with some superkicks into an Air Raid Crash for two, followed by Shell Shock for the same. The Border City Stretch goes on but Deppen spins out and grabs La Majistral for the surprise pin at 13:29.

Rating: B-. Deppen is known for being a horrible scoundrel but he was able to hang with a long established veteran like Shelley. It was a big win for Deppen, as Shelley is someone who is pretty much universally respected in the ring. This felt like Deppen’s breakthrough match and he would win the Ring Of Honor TV Title the following year.

Lio Rush vs. ACH

Man ACH just fell off the planet a few years ago. We get the handshake and hug to start as it seems to be all nice feelings here. They fight over wrist control to start and that’s good for an early standoff. Some standing switches don’t get us anywhere either so Rush takes him down with a headlock. That’s enough of the wrestling stuff so Rush snaps off a springboard hurricanrana to send ACH outside.

Some kicks to the face set up a bottom rope Asai moonsault but ACH is back in with a swinging backbreaker. Another backbreaker gets two as the pace slows down a bit. ACH kicks him down and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but Rush manages some forearms. Rush sends him to the apron and hits a kick to the floor as the comeback is on. The springboard Stunner gets two but ACH kicks him down in the corner.

Back up and Rush tries another handspring but dives into a bridging German suplex for two. They trade some rapid fire kicks until ACH’s double stomp to the back gets two more. The frustration is setting in for ACH, who has to win an exchange of forearms. Rush slugs right back and sends him outside for a big suicide dive. Back in and ACH grabs a tiger driver for two but Rush kicks him in the face. A running Spanish Fly into the Final Hour gives Rush the pin at 16:21.

Rating: B. Sweet goodness this show has been way better than I was expecting. These two worked well together and you could see ACH getting more and more frustrated with everything not working. Rush hung in there long enough and finally pulled it out, which made for a good story to go with the solid action.

Joey Janela vs. Ricky Morton

The fans are into Morton (of course) as he works on the wristlock to start. Janela flips him down and does the Shawn Michaels pose so Morton hits a running shoulder out to the floor. Back in and Janela hammers away as commentary makes 1986 references. The chinlock goes on for a bit but Morton is back up with another shoulder to send Janela outside. They chop it out until Morton kicks him low, sending Janela over to set up a plastic table.

That takes so long that Morton piledrives him through the table but Janela is back on offense 25 seconds later (yes I timed him). A chair to the face hits Morton and believe it or not, he’s busted open. Morton manages a dropkick for a needed breather and they fight to the apron. A Death Valley Driver plants Janela (that’s a new one for Morton) and it’s time for a door.

That takes too long and Morton gets sent into it, setting up a top rope backsplash onto the door onto Morton for two. Some door shots to the knee set up a Figure Four, sending Morton to the ropes, which works in a match where he was just beaten up by a door. Janela takes too long putting him up top and gets caught with a Canadian Destroyer for two. The Figure Four goes on again but this time Morton rolls him over….for the tap at 13:50. That’s a new one.

Rating: C. You know that Janela is going to have a featured match on his show, but this one was far shorter than what he does most of the time. That being said, it also wasn’t all that interesting with the ending being more of a surprise than anything else. At least Janela puts someone else over, even if it is someone who has been a legend for decades.

Clusterf***

It’s a Royal Rumble with an unknown number of entrants and fairly randomly timed intervals. You’re eliminated by pinfall, submission, over the top, leaving the building, or death (Commentary thinks the latter should go without saying.). Spyder Nate Webb (hometown boy) is in at #1 and we get the full Teenage Dirtbag entrance. JTG is in at #2 and they shake hands to start, with JTG taking over with a clothesline. A powerbomb is loaded up but Jimmy Lloyd is in at #3 to chop away.

Cole Radrick is in at #4 (very quickly, as this show is probably running long) and Starboy Charlie is in at #5 with maybe thirty seconds between the entrances. Flash Flanagan (geez he’s ancient at this point) is in at #6 to clean house as commentary is commenting on the fast intervals. Sugar Dunkerton (Pineapple Pete from the AEW days, albeit with a basketball) is in at #7 to cross over on JTG and then dribble his head on the mat in a nice spot. Radrick (with a bad leg) steals the basketball but gets blocked by Dunkerton and then stomped down into the corner as Allie Kat is in at #8.

A seated senton out of the corner hits Charlie and it’s Kung Fu (Joey) Janela in at #9. Charlie sends him to the apron but gets chopped in the head, leaving Dunkerton to piledrive Janela. That’s no sold (naturally) and it’s Violence Is Forever (Kevin Ku/Dominic Garrini) in at #10 (Or is it 11? I can’t imagine it matters.). Another piledriver actually slows Janela down and Violence Is Forever gets to clean house. Ku curb stomps Kat and a high/low pins Flanagan for the first elimination. JTG fights up but gets caught with Chasing The Dragon for the pin.

Kerry Awful/Nick Iggy (The Carnies) are in at #12 with a selection of chairs, allowing the two teams to sit down and slap each other in the face. Willow Nightingale/Solo Darling (another team) are in at #13 with chairs of their own and it’s time to sit in a circle for a string of punches to the face. Then they throw the chairs at each other and Darling gets Garrini in a reverse Figure Four. That’s broken up and Webb comes back in as Levi Everett (he’s Amish) is in at #14.

Everett churns the butter (of course) and Webb gets into it as well, only for Everett to hit him with the….whatever it is that holds butter being churned. Cassandro El Exotico is in at #14 to kiss Lloyd and snap off a running hurricanrana. Dustin Thomas (the wrestler with no legs) is in at #15 for a 619 to Cassandro and it’s Kerry Morton (whose name is not mentioned for a good while) in at #16. Dropkicks abound as most of the entrants are out on the floor.

Jody Threat is in at #17 for a top rope seated senton to Kody Lane (who I don’t think had an entrance). Juicy Finau is in at #18 for a Samoan drop to Threat and then hits one on three people at once. Calvin Tankman is in at #19 and uses Lane to beat up Garrini for a double elimination. Tankman gets rid of Awful and Ku as the ringside is starting to clear a bit at least. Morton is eliminated over the top and there goes Iggy, leaving Finau and Tankman to have the big man showdown. Tankman Death Valley Drivers Finau for the elimination and Billie Starkz is in at #20.

Tankman tries to dive onto Charlie but hits the pile at ringside instead (not eliminated). Charlie and Starkz slug it out and Starkz kicks him in the head, setting up a bridging German suplex for two. It’s Tankman getting back in to go after Starkz, and it’s the entire 4-4-0 (Rickey Shane Page’s goons: Atticus Cogar, Eddie Only, Gregory Iron and Eric Ryan) in at #21.

Iron stomps on Starkz and cranks on her leg until the referee calls it off for the elimination. Janela goes after the team and is eliminated, with Cassandro and Threat getting the same treatment. Threat powerbombs Ryan for two and then stops to smoke, earning an elimination. Thomas gets triple stomped but Iron, who has cerebral palsy, has a bit of sympathy. That doesn’t work for Thomas, who doesn’t buy it, and hits a top rope DDT on Iron.

Thomas gets beaten down again and it’s Elayna Black (the future Cora Jade) in at #22 with some tarot cards….and the Second Gear Crew (Mance Warner, AJ Gray, 1 Called Manders, Matthew Justice and Effy) is in at #23 to get rid of 4-4-0. They all brawl off and it’s Nasty LeRoy in at #24. LeRoy teaches Kat and Black to dance but 4-4-0 are back in to jump him. The Crew is back in to eliminate 4-4-0 and the….Wal-Mart (I think? There are references made to Target to it sounds right.) Dudes in at #25.

One of the Dudes (Tahir2x, partner of Lord A) get to clean some house and almost immediately turn on each other. A third Wal-Mart Dude comes in (doesn’t seem to be an official entrant, in case it matters) and helps beat up Lord A as Cabana Man Dan is in at #26. Nightingale is back in to give Dan a spinebuster but Parrow is in at #27 to beat up Nightingale and Darling for a double pin. A sitout powerbomb gets rid of Dan and it’s Manders coming in for the hoss fight. Parrow World’s Strongest Slams Manders for the fast pin as Robert Anthony and Frank The Clown are in at #28.

LeRoy is back in and gets beaten down by Anthony and Frank, who then manage to knock Parrow down. That’s broken up and Frank bails, albeit without an elimination. The Invisible Man (there it is) is in at #29 and gets to clean house but Everett powerslams him down. Everett churns the Invisible Man but misses a splash, allowing the Invisible Man to crank on Everett’s arm. A clothesline gets rid of Everett and Parrow is sent to the apron, with Thomas managing to get rid of him. Thomas is sent outside and….I won’t ask how he can be eliminated if both feet….never mind.

Anthony and Frank beat up the Invisible Man, who fights back with a double chokeslam. Tankman is back in to get rid of Anthony and Frank as Young Dumb and Broke (Charlie Tyler, Griffin Taylor and…someone commentary doesn’t bother naming) is in at #30 to go after Lloyd. Black is back in to go after them and something like Matt Morgan’s Hellevator is enough for Black to be tossed out.

As we find out that the third member is named Ellis Taylor, Working On Dying (Steve Sanders and Dylan McKay) are in at #31. McKay flip dives onto the floor but gets back inside anyway to go after Young, Dumb and Broke. Stereo flip dives off the top get a double near fall and the Crew is back in to get rid of McKay and Sanders. John Thorne (a promoter) is in at #32 as a big dive hits the pile on the floor. Thorne grabs a weapon, charges at Kat, and is eliminated. Logan Stunt (Marko’s brother) is in at #33 as McCoy (I think) is tossed by Tankman.

Cue Marko to throw Logan out and they brawl to the back, with Marko being eliminated as well. Tiger appears to be out too and Radrick is rolled up for another elimination. The Wal-Mart Dudes are back to keep fighting with Lord A hitting a spinning Tombstone to get rid of Tahir2x but Lloyd sends Lord A through a table for the pin. Thunderkitty is in at #34 and knocks Webb down without much trouble.

The Invisible Man takes Thunderkitty down and then plants Taylor for a fast pin. The Second Gear Crew grab chairs to go after the Invisible Man but get tossed outside (though Effy does get in a kiss first). Yoshihiko is in at #35 and plants the Invisible Man for the fast pin. A bunch of Canadian Destroyers and poisonranas give Yoshihiko the pin on Lloyd but Webb is in to beat up Yoshihiko.

Webb hits a moonsault with a chair for the pin and Shark Boy is in at #36 to complete the field. The Chummer gets rid of Thunderkitty but Webb has a cooler. Shark Boy gets a drink but Kat and LeRoy want in on this too. The toast sets up a double Stunner to get rid of Kat and LeRoy. Charlie is back in with a Stunner on Shark Boy for the elimination but Cogar rolls him up for another pin.

That leaves….I think Cogar, Webb, Tankman and AJ Gray so Tankman is here to Pounce Cogar. Gray and Tankman strike it out until Gray hits a string of clotheslines for the elimination. Cogar throws fire at Gray for the pin and Webb is back in for the final showdown. They fight out to the floor with Webb getting chaired in the head.

A bunch of chair shots to the back have Webb down and an Air Raid Crash through the chair gets two. Webb throws a trashcan to tie Cogar in the Tree of Woe. A moonsault Van Terminator (that’s either amazing or stupid and I’m not sure which) hits Cogar and a Razor’s Edge spun into a DDT gives Webb the final pin at 72:25.

Rating: C+. This is the definition of “just sit back and have fun” and there is nothing wrong with that. Obviously the winner means absolutely nothing so letting the hometown crowd favorite go wire to wire is not a bad thing. This was before the match became a total insane spectacle like it would become in later years but I’ll absolutely take it for what we got here. Fun, though other editions have been better.

Since that’s not enough, we have another match to go. We do pause for a mat change because that was a lot of people in there over and over. And for weapons to be set up of course.

Video on Matt Tremont’s history at Spring Break and now he’s headlining in his final match. A lot of violence is involved but it’s set to Metallica so at least it’s not all bad.

Matt Tremont vs. Alex Colon

Colon has Markus Crane and this is a Deathmatch in Tremont’s GCW farewell. They stare at each other a bit to start and lock up to go nowhere. The much bigger Tremont shoves him down a few times as they’re starting slow, which has me worried that they’re getting time. They both tease going into the light tubes so Colon grabs one, which Tremont blocks. Tremont sends him through a bunch of the tubes but gets thrown through them as well.

Colon starts carving Tremont’s forehead up with a broken tube and then breaks another one over his back. That works so well that Tremont does it right back to him but stops to lick his own blood. Colon fights up and sends him through a barbed wire board before they just hit each other in the face. Tremont gets staggered with a chair to the head and a running forearm knocks him out of said chair.

Something like a powerslam puts Colon through a chair and they walk towards the bleachers, which isn’t very social distancing. They go back to the ring where Colon hits him with some light tubes. It’s time for a ladder, which takes too long, allowing Tremont to backdrop him onto the ladder. That gets the very delayed two and they suplexes each other through some more light tubes.

Another light tube (we get the idea) over the head staggers Colon but he’s back with a swinging DDT through some tubes. A double knee breaks some tubes over Tremont and they go to the apron, with Tremont Samoan dropping him through a barbed wire board. We pause for Tremont to be freed from the wire before it’s time to walk around some more. The fight heads into the crowd where they sit on the bleachers and seem to chat a bit.

Tremont hits a suplex and they go back to the floor, where a bunch of doors are set up. Colon dives off a balcony to put him through the doors and we pause again for a breather. Back in and a top rope double stomp crushes more light tubes onto Tremont, who pops to his feet. A big clothesline puts Colon down and a Death Valley Driver through another tube gets one. Thankfully they mix things up a bit with Colon hitting him with a trashcan, which is put over Tremont’s head for a top rope double stomp.

Cue some goons with fans/rakes made of light tubes, plus a big box of light tubes which are poured out on the mat. They take turns breaking tubes over the other’s head, getting up to about ten each. Colon breaks about ten in a row over Tremont’s head but Tremont grabs a belly to back suplex, because this is still wrestling you see. Colon pops up and hits him with two more light tubes, followed by breaking a rake (with five tubes in a row) over Tremont’s head. Tremont wants him to do it again so Colon uses the other rake, which is enough for the pin at 26:29.

Rating: D-. Nope. Ignoring that I absolutely cannot stand this stuff most of the time, but this one was especially bad. A good chunk of this match was standing around waiting for the other to get up so they could use more light tubes. That’s where they lost me, as the last few minutes of the match was almost literally them just standing there breaking light tubes over the other’s head. Then Colon used A BUNCH of tubes for the win. I can occasionally tolerate a deathmatch, but this was just the same stuff over and over for the better part of half an hour.

Post match Colon checks on Tremont and then leaves him alone so Tremont can have a moment. Tremont shouts something and pays tribute to a former wrestler/wrestling personality who has passed away. We get the big moment of respect to end the show. Tremont would indeed stay away from GCW for over a year before returning in 2021.

Overall Rating: B-. The original version of this show that I found didn’t include the main event and my goodness do I wish that’s how it stayed. This show was SO MUCH BETTER before the main event. Prior to that mess, I was having a great time with this show offering one good to very good match after another. You don’t get that on almost any show and it was rolling here. It says a lot when the Cluster**** was the weakest match because it’s one of those “fun by definition match”. The less said about the main event the better, but dang they were feeling it until then.

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break: Clusterf*** Forever 2025
Date: April 19, 2025
Location: Palms Casino Resort, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Jordan Castle, Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

And then we have this thing, which is going to be complete insanity and that is entirely by design. The show’s namesake match is going to be a huge battle royal with people running all over the place and pretty much no semblance of order. That makes for one of the most entertaining matches you will see all year and they know exactly what they’re doing. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

We get an opening video set to I’m So Excited in a pretty awesome troll jab at AEW.

Doug Gentry Memorial Scramble Cage Match

Gringo Loco, Ciclope, Facade, Jimmy Lloyd, Man Like DeReiss, Marcus Mathers, Mike D. Vecchio, Ninja Mack, Sidney Akeem

One fall to a finish and everyone is in the cage (which has weapons, plus platforms on the top for the purpose of diving) the whole time. Gentry is apparently someone who worked backstage in the early days of Ring Of Honor and is getting a match named in his honor. Akeem dives off one of the platforms to start and gets speared through a door by Vecchio for his efforts.

Mack goes up with a kendo stick but has to pull Lloyd and Mathers down with a Tower Of Doom. Various Canadian Destroyers ensue before Vecchio sends various people into the cage. One heck of a helicopter bomb plants Akeem for two and DeReiss superplexes Vecchio off one of the platforms. Facade one ups them by walking the cage for a big dive of his own. Mathers ties Facade in the Tree Of Woe for some chair shots but Lloyd is up with a bunch of chair throws.

Mack and Akeem have their big showdown but stop to beat up Loco and Mathers instead. Ciclope is up with a double spear but gets clotheslined by Lloyd. DeReiss and Mathers hit 450s (after arguing over whose would be better) before Vecchio hits a shooting star off the platform for the big wipe out. A masked man comes into the cage and cleans some house before revealing himself as Miedo Extremo, Ciclope’s former partner.

Miedo sends Ciclope off the platform and through a barbed wire net and some doors at ringside. Back in and a door is bridged over two chairs as Ciclope is carried out. Another door is bridged over the first as Vecchio and Loco climb to the platform. Loco powerbombs Vecchino through said doors and gets the pin for the win at 11:33.

Rating: C+. There were nine people in the cage for most of the match and, as has been proven in various other promotions over the years, that isn’t going to work. There are too many people in there to do anything other than big spots and while those were entertaining, it only went so far. The big spot at the end was fun though and this could have been worse.

The cage has to be taken down so we look at Jordan Oliver returning last night at Spring Break to team with Alec Price to win the Tag Team Titles.

We look at Atticus Cogar defeating Fuego del Sol, winning Fuego’s match and seemingly ending his career. That was way better than I would have expected.

Next recap is the main event of Spring Break, with Sabu defeating Joey Janela in Sabu’s retirement match.

Long upcoming events rundown.

We look at The People vs. GCW in January.

We look at Tournament Of Survival 9.

We look at GCW in Kouraken Hall as I wonder how long it takes to get that cage down.

We look at Josh Barnett’s Bloodsport 12 in November.

We look at a show in Hawaii in November.

We look at the Wrld On Lucha from…sometime.

And now, we Cluster****.

2025 Cluster****

It’s a Royal Rumble with random intervals, pinfall, submission, leaving the arena or death for eliminations (yeah this whole thing is supposed to be a total mess so don’t bother keeping track of the rules). The Up Up Girls (the TJPW singers, all three of them) are in at #1, #2 and #3 and do their song but Kerry Morton interrupts at #4 and calls the song stupid (with some additional expletives). He’s going to throw them out and show them what it’s like to be with a real American man, complete with hip thrusts. Morton insists on being introduced again and he’s #2.

The Girls beat him up, including a pillow to the head (Prazak wants to borrow it) and Morton is out. Morton freaks out and leaves so we get an encore song. B3cca, a pop singer, is in at #3 and sings about her attractiveness. Then she tries to sing with the Up Up Girls but kicks them down. Another dance takes too long though and the fight is on, with B3cca missing a high crossbody. Zayda Steele in at #3 and begs off from the Girls as Swipe Right and Jackson Drake are in at #4.

The distraction lets Steele and B3cca eliminate the Up Up Girls. Steele Unprettiers B3cca for the elimination and Steven Crow (a cowboy in pink) is in at #5. Swipe Right jumps him for the elimination and it’s MBM and his Friend (a masked man) in at #6. They want to make peace until the Friend full nelsons Steele. MBM tries to kiss her but kisses the Friend by mistake and they’re easily tossed.

The Warlord (yes that Warlord) is in at #7 and everyone in Swipe Right and Drake (just make him an official member already) runs off, with Steele bailing without being eliminated. Shreddy is in at #8 (he’s in great shape and likes to brag about going to Japan) and can’t knock Warlord down. Instead he asks for a test of strength as Tombstone Jesus (ok then) is in at #9. Warlord tosses Shreddy and goes after Tombstone but Steele comes in to try her luck. This goes as well as you would expect but they manage to toss Warlord. Steele slaps Tombstone for some reason…and low bridges him out.

Human Tornado (there’s a name from the past) is in at #10 and dances a bit so Steele goes after him. That earns her some dancing stomps in the corner and Nate Webb (with his arm in a sling) is in at #11, giving us Teenage Dirtbag for the crowd participation. The dancing stomps continue (going close to two minutes now) as Webb goes through the crowd for the singing. Then Yoshihiko is in at #12 and the fans go nuts as expected. A high crossbody gets two on Tornado, who sends Yoshihiko into the corner, where Steele chokes away. Santana (and Blanket) Jackson are in at #13, because we need a Michael Jackson impersonator.

Webb gets in the ring and a three way test of strength is teased, with Webb’s arm injury leading to his elimination. Jackson tosses Tornado and we get a showdown between Yoshihiko and Blanket (a stuffed baby)….and Snitsky is in at #14 (Veda Scott: “NO! NO! NO!”). The fans want Snitsky to kick the baby (Prazak: “What is this, South Park”?) but he chokeslams Jackson instead. Snitsky grabs Jackson’s hat and sunglasses instead, makes the out cold Jackson dance, and then tosses him.

Yoshihiko gets eliminated, leaving Snitsky alone with Blanket (and Steele, who is on the floor). Snitsky picks up Blanket and asks the crowd where he should punt, with a fan catching Blanket for the elimination. Then Snitsky leaves the building, leaving Steele alone in the ring as Tara Zep is in at #15. They brawl out to the floor (both still in) and then go back inside with an Unprettier giving Steele the elimination. Kidd Bandit is in at #16 and wastes no time in kicking Steele in the head for the elimination.

Unagi Sayaka is in at #17 and Bandit kicks her to the apron, where Sayaka pulls out a big band. They fight over it until it snaps into Bandit’s face to knock her down as Jai Vidal is in at #18. Sayaka gets slapped down and rolls out to the floor, and Ashley Vox is in at #19. That goes nowhere so Vipress is in at #20 as the entrances are starting to come faster. Viva Van is in at #21 and trades some forearms until Sonny Kiss is in at #22.

Van is sent to the apron but slingshots back in for a spinwheel kick. Parrow is in at #23 and Vidal immediately joins his team (assuming a team exists). Vipress gets in Parrow’s face and is tossed out, as is Van. There goes Kiss and Sayaka is allowed to eliminate herself to avoid pain. Vidal is tossed and we’re down to Vox and Parrow. Vow says they both just got married (not to each other) so he can’t eliminate her. They try the Dirty Dancing lift…and Parrow tosses her. Bodhi Young Prodigy is in at #24 as commentary wonders if Blanket died earlier.

Bodhi chops away to no effect and gets tossed just as fast. Channing Decker is in at #25 and decks Vox and Vidal on the way out. Parrow: “THAT WAS A LITTLE F****** MUCH!” A fall away slam drops Decker and he’s out. Sonico is in at #26 and it’s his birthday. Parrow takes his chair away and hammers him down for the elimination. Randy Myers (he’s weird) is in at #27 and goes to the throat before twisting Parrow’s nipples. An over the shoulder piledriver gives Parrow the pin and he’s alone again.

CPA is in at #28 and takes off his button down shirt to reveal an identical shirt. A drop toehold sets up the 1099 and Parrow pulls off the tie. Dustin Thomas (he doesn’t have legs) is in at #29. A drunk Kidd Bandit is apparently still in and some triple teaming staggers Parrow, who is eliminated by the trio. Sleepy Ed is in at #30 and brings out a bed for a nap on the stage. Everyone gets quiet in a nice moment until Jeffrey John is in at #31. John comes in with a top rope cutter to CPA (on his fourth shirt) as the drunk Bandit falls down.

Rhys Maddox is in at #32 and doesn’t do much until THE MEXICOOLS (Juventud Guerrera, Super Crazy and Microman, the latter with bubble mower) are in at #33. The Juvy Driver eliminates Maddox, Crazy pins CPA and another Juvy Driver gets rid of John. That leaves us with (I think) Guerrera, Crazy, Microman, Thomas and the drunk Bandit (on the floor). We get a bizarre Microman vs. Thomas showdown and a 619 hits Thomas. He’s right back with an ankle lock to Microman as Team Juggalo Championship Wrestling (about 7 people) are in at #34.

Crazy gets tickled with a rubber chicken and a double team is enough to pin him. The new Backseat Boyz get rid of Guerrera and Bandit follows him out. Microman realizes he’s in trouble and tries to slug away but gets tossed out. So Team JCW is all alone (technically with Sleepy Ed) and it’s New Roy (formerly known as Nasty Leroy but now inspired by New Jack) in at #35.

Some trashcan lid shots do a bit of damage but he gets caught with a low blow. The beating is on, including the clowns (there are clowns) popping balloons off his head. Roy gets pinned and Team GCW (another 6 or 7 people) are in at #36 to mostly even it up and the fight is on. The brawl heads to the floor and I’m not going to try to tell who is in and who isn’t, partially because I have no idea who some of these people are. The blood is flowing and some people go into the crowd as the weapons (including a barbed wire board) are pulled out. Veda Scott: “We bring this on ourselves.”

The clowns powerbomb Dr. Redacted through the barbed wire board and 2 Tuff Tony lights his fist on fire to punch John Wayne Murdoch. Redacted gets a trashcan and puts it on himself for the big dive onto the pile. Just about everyone brawls to the back and they’re all out so the ring is empty, with Sleepy Ed on the stage. The arena goes quiet and we have something of a lullaby playing…and the Invisible Man is in at #37. He takes Ed into the ring and tosses him out before Dan Barry is in at #38.

Barry works on the arm but gets reversed into a wristlock. That’s reversed into a headlock but some headscissors take Barry down. They run the ropes and miss some clotheslines before trading armdrags for a standoff. Respect is shown before Barry gets in a cheap shot (and flips off the crowd) but Man’s DDT gets two. Barry is sent to the apron and gets crotched on top, where it’s a superplex for the elimination. Frank The Clown is in at #39 and doesn’t think much of the Invisible Man.

Apparently Man starts a F*** THAT CLOWN chant but Frank insists he is NOT a Mark A** B****! Frank charges in and gets dropped for the fast pin. Dan The Dad is in at #40 but Man won’t shake his hand. They won’t hug either and Man knocks the cup off coffee out of his hand. Dan blocks a right hand and gives him a spanking for rudeness before taking off his belt. The whip is blocked and Dan gets rolled up for the pin. Cheeseburger is in at #41 and they slug it out. A superkick is blocked and Cheeseburger gets pulled into a Figure Four for the tap.

Jack Cartwheel is in at #42 and they trade cartwheels until Cartwheel cartwheels away. A Death Valley Driver sets up a shooting star press to raised knees. Cartwheel is knocked out and Tommy Invincible is in at #43. They take turns grappling and neither can get very far as Harlan Abbott is in at #44. Abbott and Invincible slug it out until Abbott shifts over to the Man. A Jay Driller plants Man and Manny Lemons is in at #45.

Abbott and Lemons knock each other down and it’s GCW World Champion Effy in at #46. Effy fires off some running shots into the corner to all three (save for Invincible, still on the floor) and knocks Lemons out. Abbott hits a Jay Driller on Effy but gets reversed into a rollup for the pin. Invincible is back in but the Man hits Effy low and tosses him out. Invincible plants the Man though and gets the pin, leaving him alone for a bit. JGeorge (he makes movies) and Lady Killjoy are in at #47, with Invincible taking him down for a YOU CAN’T HURT ME Five Knuckle Shuffle.

Megan Bayne is in at #48 and gives JGeorge Fate’s Descent onto Killjoy for the double pin. Invincible gets back inside and Bayne hits Fate’s Descent to get rid of him. Frankie B is in at #49 and another Fate’s Descent is good for another elimination. Brittnie Brooks is in at #50 and avoids a splash in the corner. Not that it matters as Bayne hits a tombstone for the elimination. Leina Kross, a tall powerhouse in her own right, is in at #51.

They forearm it out and trade running shots to the face, followed by an exchange of German suplexes. Sam Holloway is in at #52 and gives the two of them a double chokeslam. Bayne and Kross roll outside (not eliminated) and it’s 1 Called Manders in at #53. They slap it out and Holloway is clotheslined out without much trouble. Thomas Shire, Manders’ tag partner, is in at #54 so they hug before trading forearms. Shire manages to get him into a torture rack but Manders slips out and gets the elimination.

Action Mike Jackson (75 years old) is in at #55 and after a handshake, it’s Old School to Manders. Masha Slamovich is in at #56 and Jackson takes both her and Manders over at once. Manders tosses Jackson but Kross is back in to snap Slamovich with a German suplex. Back in and Slamovich kicks Kross out for the elimination and Alec Price is in at #57. Price hits a top rope seated senton on Manders and a tornado DDT to Slamovich. Paul London, now a lounge singer, is in at #58 and suplexes Price.

Starboy Charlie is in at #58 and goes mirror images with London. That’s broken up and the Bob Squad (about 6 people) are in at #59. Hold on though as some of them realize that one of the members isn’t from Atlanta, meaning they turn on each other. Two of them members get confused and dive over the top to eliminate themselves. Bobby Flacco, the team’s leader, is eliminated and Manders tosses the rest of the Squad and is left alone in the ring, with a bunch of people on the floor.

Man Like DeReiss is in at #60 and runs the ropes with Charlie while still rapping his entrance. He even eliminates Charlie with a big boot and stops for a staredown with Slamovich. Then DeReiss requests a Stinkface but makes the mistake of covering his face, allowing London to do it instead. DeReiss realizes what happens and goes to the floor, leaving Slamovich to toss London. Price gets back inside and they trade rollups for two each, only for Price to roll Slamovich up again for the pin.

Manders is back in and, after shrugging off a Blockbuster, lariats Price out. Bayne gets back in for a weird showdown and hits a running clothesline to get rid of Manders. DeReiss is back in and sends Bayne into the corner but Joey Janela is in at #61 to cut off a Stinkface. Bayne and Janela beat up DeReiss, including a Doomsday Device for two. Cue Chris Bey who says he isn’t in the match…but Brodie Lee Jr. (AEW’s Negative One) is in at #62 to complete the field.

Lee superkicks Bayne (in the arm) and poses a bit as we seem to be down to four. Bayne Falcon Arrows DeReiss for the elimination so Janela and Bayne go after Lee. Janela’s chair shot hits Bayne by mistake though and he accidentally eliminates her. Lee rolls Janela up for two but he pulls Janela into an ankle lock. That’s broken up and a Death Valley Driver gives Janela two. Lee nips up and hits a clothesline into a Stunner to eliminate Janela and win at 2:19:47.

Rating: B. This is the definition of “you’re not supposed to take this seriously” and that’s what happened. A 13 year old won the match, which also involved the Invisible Man going on a run, a pop trio singing and a stuffed baby being punted into the crowd. This match is not going to be for everyone, but if you want to just unwind and embrace the insanity/silliness that is professional wrestling, it doesn’t get much more fun than this right here.

Overall Rating: B-. As you can probably tell, the whole thing is about the Cluster and that was about as entertaining as it could have been. I had a good time with the show and it’s the perfect way to wrap up the big wrestling weekend. Just have fun, enjoy how insane it is, and go from there. It’s not for everyone, but I had a blast with a lot of this and I can imagine people getting together and wondering who could possibly be next.

Results
Gringo Loco won the Doug Gentry Memorial Scramble Cage Match
Brody Lee Jr. won the Cluster**** last eliminating Joey Janela

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break: Cluster**** Forever
Date: April 6, 2024
Location: Penns Landing Caterers, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Veda Scott

This is the second half of Spring Break, with a two match card. Naturally this includes a Punjabi Prison match, but the big draw is the Cluster**** Battle Royal, which is only a match with actual structure in the loosest of terms. There will probably be more than fifty entrants with loosely timed intervals, but the real fun is seeing who shows up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video on the Punjabi Prison match.

Tag Team Titles: Violence Is Forever vs. Juicy Finau/Zilla Fatu vs. Los Macios vs. Bollywood Boyz

Violence Is Forever (Kevin Ku/Dominic Garrini) is defending and Los Macios are Ciclope/Miedo Extremo. The Boyz are carried on fans’ shoulders to the ring, which is surrounded by the bamboo style cage. This is one fall to a finish, meaning it’s not quite a Punjabi Prison match but I’ll take what I can get under the circumstances.

Fatu and Finau clean house to start, with Finau and Garrini fighting to the floor (as in outside of the cage) where Garrini gets beaten up. Los Macios hit Ku with a double flapjack but can’t manage to double suplex the rather large Ku. The Boyz are back up with a Bollywood Blast to Ku before double teaming Fatu down. Finau wrecks Finau as more people go to the floor to brawl.

Gurv is busted open and Ciclope grabs an electric tool, which can’t go well for anyone. Los Macios manage to knock Finau down inside, at least partially thanks to a chair, leaving Fatu to Samoan drop Harv off the cage through some doors at ringside. About ten chair shots and a Samoan drop put Finau down again as Ciclope climbs the cage.

Fatu Samoan Spikes him down and then dives back in with Garrini having to make a save. A spike piledriver hits Gurv…who pops right back up. The champs chair him down and then do the same to Finau. We pause for the sake of spending forever to set up a double stack door. The top rope double stomp to Finau gives Ku the retaining pin at 14:26.

Rating: C+. What is there to say about a match like this? It’s total insanity with all kinds of things going on at once. That’s kind of the point, and while the cage itself was only kind of used at times, I think I like the idea of having people coming and going. Having eight people in the ring at once is a mess, so I’ll take carnage going throughout the arena and ringside over everyone in the ring and not being able to move.

We look at upcoming shows as it’s going to take some time to get the cage down.

Commentary hypes up the Cluster as we stay on the graphic of upcoming events.

Before the Cluster starts, here is GCW World Champion Black Christian, with Shane Mercer, for a chat. Christian talks about how Joey Janela couldn’t finish the story last night at Spring Break and it wasn’t the first time he was bigger, stronger and could last longer than Janela. Cue Janela from behind to powerbomb Christian and hit him with a package piledriver. Mercer and Janela brawl outside…and here is Mance Warner, who has a guaranteed title shot at any time. Warner loads up the screwdriver but Effy comes in to brawl with Warner to the back.

We preview the Cluster, which is about having all kinds of people, with no idea of who or how many people will be entering.

Cluster****

There are unknown entrants and you can be eliminated by pin, submission, over the top, leaving the building and death. It’s Royal Rumble style (with the rules and intervals being loose at best) with Jimmy Lloyd, in a neck brace after last night, in at #1. Before the match he rips on Philadelphia before bringing out Matt Cardona and Steph de Lander. Well in theory that is but instead it’s Shane Douglas coming in at #2.

Shane hits a quick belly to belly for the pin and the elimination, allowing him to stop and talk about the history of wrestling here in Philadelphia. All of the promotions around here can kiss his a** but here is Shota in at #3. A dropkick staggers Douglas but he’s back with the belly to belly for the pin. Bam Sullivan is in at #4 and flips off Douglas, who hammers away. Sullivan knocks him down and gets two off a splash but Douglas bites him in the head. A running clothesline of all things gets rid of Sullivan and it’s Lindsay in at #5.

Douglas doesn’t think much of her so she hits him low for two. The camel clutch goes on but Jason Knight comes in, presumably at #6, to kiss Snow and toss her out. Rob S*** is in at #7 and beats on both of them until Knight dumps him. The Carnage Crew (Loc and DeVito) are in at #8 and #9 but they’re both out just as fast. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 and yeah the fans approve as the ECW reunion continues. Justin Credible pops in, I guess at #11, and leaves with Jason without doing anything.

That leaves Dreamer vs. Douglas with a quick DDT getting rid of Douglas as the Impact Players (Knight/Credible) are officially eliminated due to leaving. Rina Yamashita is in at #12 and they slug it out, with Rina grabbing a testicular claw. An enziguri drops Dreamer and Tony Deppen is in at #13 (Rina rolls her eyes). Rina rolls outside (not eliminated) and 1 Called Manders is in at #14. Brawling ensues until Charlie Tiger is in at #15. That goes nowhere so Jeffrey John is in at #16 as the ring is starting to fill up.

Facade is in at #17 for some kicks to stagger various people. The intervals pick up as Masha Slamovich is in at #18. Slamovich avoids a dropkick and chokes John out for the elimination. Tiger gets choked out as well before Slamovich crotches Facade on top and gets rid of him. Deppen tries to get rid of Slamovich but Dreamer throws him out instead. Trevor Outlaw and Frank The Clown are in at #19 and #20 with Outlaw trying a cheap shot on Dreamer, who grabs a DDT.

Slamovich tosses Dreamer and pins Outlaw as Marcus Mathers is in at #21. Mathers kicks Rina back out to the floor (again not out) and Parrow is in at #22. Frank The Clown has left the building (he never got in the ring) for an elimination and it’s Mike Bailey in at #23 (you knew he was coming). Everyone goes after the large Parrow, who tosses Bailey. Parrow puts Slamovich down for the pin as well and it’s Pollo del Mar in at #24. Pollo is tossed rather quickly and it’s Dark Sheik, Edith Surreal and Jamie Senegal in at #25, #26 and #27.

They all strike away at Parrow, including a trio of Shattered Dreams. Parrow goes through the ropes (not out) and it’s Cheech and Colin Delaney in at #28 and #29. They go after the trio but can’t get rid of anyone as the Main Event (Jay Lion/Midas Black) are in at #30 and #31. Some rather snazzy double team moves have Cheech and Delaney in trouble, albeit not eliminated. Dives through the ropes take Cheech and Delaney down as the Ugly Sucklings (White Mike and Rob Killjoy) are in at #32 and #33.

The Sucklings beat up both tag teams but can’t get rid of anyone as Davey Bang and August Matthews are in at #34 and #35. That means they get to clean house with some dives as even more people get to lay around on the floor. Cheech and Delaney come back in but get dropped with clotheslines as Bobby Flaco, Terry Yaki, Aerial Van Go and Mr. Danger come in together at #36, #37, #38 and #39.

The four of them go after Delaney, with a hurricanrana into a phoenix splash getting rid of him, with Cheech being thrown out just after. Flaco plants Black for the elimination and a twisting Canadian Destroyer gets rid of Lion. Bang and Matthews are back up to get rid of Mike and Killjoy. Fuego del Sol and Sam Stackhouse are in at #40 and #41 with the much bigger Stackhouse going after Matthews.

Del Sol and Stackhouse knock Matthews and Bang down for stereo pins to clear the ring, not counting all of the people still either on the floor or gone. Stackhouse and del Sol beat up some of the foursome before a ladder is brought in. A moonsault onto said ladder gets rid of Flaco and Yaki but Van Go and Danger use the ladder to drop Stackhouse and del Sol. They both climb the ladder and Van Go headscissors Danger onto the pile on the floor, meaning they’re both eliminated.

Green Phantom is in at #42 and Sexxxy Eddy follows him, apparently at #43. Eddy comes to the ring in a towel and puts his tights on before getting inside to chair Stackhouse down. Mathers comes back in and gets hit low by Eddy but Manders gets back in as well. A double clothesline puts Manders down and it’s Tara Zep in at #44.

Eddy gyrates a lot and Phantom knocks Zep face first into Eddy’s trunks. Phantom slams Zep onto a chair for the elimination and Tank is in at #45. Tank beats up Eddy and Phantom but Manders is back in again for a slugout. They trade headbutts until Tank hammers him into the corner with both of them busted open. Tank headbutts Manders down and it’s Matters coming back in for another slugout. CPA (yes he’s an accountant) is in at #46 and takes off his shirt and tie to reveal….the same shirt and tie.

We’ll make that three layers as he hits a slow motion 619 on Tank. Everyone but CPA goes under the ropes to the floor and it’s Alex Zayne in at #47. Mathers takes Zayne’s place and is sent outside (not out again) as Philly Mike is in at #48. Mike knocks Mathers into the corner and it’s Spyder Nate Webb in at #49 for the full Teenage Dirt Bag entrance. Other wrestlers dance with him at ringside before Webb conducts the fans to sing the song with him.

With the song done, Webb takes a bow and gets inside, beer in hand. The fans want the song to be played again and that is in fact what happens as commentary points out that it is 2am local time. Philly Mike finally jumps Webb, who hands him a beer and then hammers him down. They fight to the floor and Mike walks out for an elimination. Webb follows and he’s out too, taking some of the energy from the crowd. Said energy picks up again as ring announcer Emil Jay enters at #50 but is tossed out almost immediately.

Eddy gets to gyrate a bit and it’s Cheeseburger in at #51. Cheeseburger ties Eddy in the Tree of Woe and sends Phantom face first into his tights, which is enough for an elimination. Eddy’s tights are pulled off and he has to fight with his hands covering himself. That lets Cheeseburger toss him out and Man Like DeReiss is in at #52. As usual, DeReiss raps himself to the ring and throws out CPA in the process. Monomoth (he has wings) is in at #53 and Zayne isn’t sure what to do with him.

A quick rollup gets rid of Zayne and Mercedes Martinez is in at #54 so Mathers comes back in (there are all kinds of people just sitting/strolling around at ringside) and is quickly fisherman’s bustered out. Surreal and Senegal (See what I mean?) come back in to go after Martinez, with Sheik joining them but getting eliminated. Surreal saves Senegal but Martinez DDTs both of them for the double elimination. DeReiss comes back in and low bridges Martinez out as Kaplan is in at #55.

Kaplan sets up doors and chairs on the floor as Manders and Stackhouse get back in. Del Sol is back in as well as Sawyer Wreck (with a bad arm) is in at #56. Kaplan misses a moonsault and gets thrown through the doors for the elimination. Wreck comes in as Brandon Kirk and Kasey Catal are in at #57 and #58.

Manders and Kirk are eliminated by their respective (romantic) partners….and then Wreck and Catal kiss. They leave together and they’re both out (Emil Jay: “Sawyer Wreck and Kasey Catal have left the building….together.”). Jordan Oliver is in at #59 to dropkick Tank out but Parrow is back in for a chokeslam. Monomoth is back in and is quickly tossed as Beastman is in at #60.

Beastman chokebombs Parrow but Stackhouse comes in and takes his shirt off, giving us a lot of jiggling. DeReiss chops at the huge Stackhouse and Beastman before tossing both of them out for the big eliminations. Viva Van is in at #61 and knocks DeReiss into the corner. The gear is hitched up for a Stinkface (DeReiss approves but feigns being knocked out when Van looks at him) but del Sol breaks it up. Van is out and Gringo Loco is in at #62.

The entrants pick up as Grim Reefer is in at #63 and tries to light a cigarette, with Parrow breaking it up. Parrow puts Reefer out and it’s Cole Radrick and Alec Price in at #64 and #65. They go after del Sol and Oliver with the former being knocked out thanks to some double teaming. Johnny Kashmere is in at #66 and we get a mini tag match with Kashmere/Oliver vs. Price/Radrick. That includes Radrick and Price both being tossed, leaving Kashmere and Oliver in the ring as Kurt Bale, Lance Scaper and Big Vin are in at #67, #68 and #69.

Vin and company get to wreck Kashmere and Oliver but can’t eliminate them as the American Giant (he’s 7’3) is in at #70. Giant gets rid of Vin and chokeslams Bale and Scaper for the double pin. There goes DeReiss as well so Parrow comes in for the staredown with Giant. Microman is in at #71 for the funny visual and Chiitan (a mascot with a big head) is in at #72.

Parrow gets rid of Giant and kicks Microman in the head but Chiitan knocks Parrow through the ropes. The Fighting Chicken (Prazak: “What in the world?”) is in at #73 and we get the big mascot staredown with Chiitan. Dr. Cube, the Hot Potato and Double Unicorn Dark (they’re kaiju from Japan) are in at #74, #75 and #76. The Chicken pecks away but the kaiju knock the mascots into the corner. Potato’s shooting star press gets two…and Aja Kong is in at #77 for the big surprise.

The Kaiju and the Chicken go after her but she knocks the three villains out and spinning backfists the Chicken for the pin. Chiitan, minus the hat, goes after Kong, who hits a spinning backfist for the pin. That gives us Parrow vs. Kong, with Parrow hitting a clothesline for the pin. Loco is back in and gets knocked out before going after Microman. Yoshihiko (a doll) is in at #78 and Stunners Kashmere out before brainbustering Oliver (just go with it) for the elimination.

Rina Yamashita (who hasn’t done anything or been seen in probably an hour and a half) comes in to piledrive Yoshihiko, who hurricanranas her out anyway. Parrow goes to throw out Yoshihiko, who throws him out instead. We get Yoshihiko vs. Microman but Nick Gage is in at #79 (announced as #87, but there’s no way I was THAT far off), the final entrant. Commentary says Gage, Yoshihiko and Microman are the final three so we’ll go with that as I lost who was still in an hour ago.

Gage hammers Yoshihiko into the corner and hits a gorilla press powerslam. The pizza cutter is whipped out but Microman makes the save. Yoshihiko crossbodies Gage but gets sent out, leaving Microman to suplex Gage. Microman pizza cutters Gage, who shoves him back down. The fans cheer for Microman, who is sat on top…but Gage misses a charge and falls out, allowing Microman to get the win at 1:57:51 (close enough as there was no opening bell).

Rating: B. Oddly enough, I had a good time with this. It’s a perfect example of “this is what we told you would be happening”, as there is nothing remotely serious about the whole thing, with stretches where there were dozens of people officially in but few were actually doing anything. This isn’t a match where it’s about the story or the action, but rather the whole atmosphere and wondering who was coming in next. This was pure, goofy fun and I had a good time with it, which is exactly what it should have been.

Overall Rating: B-. It says a lot when an eight man, four team cage match is completely forgotten but that’s the kind of show this is. This isn’t supposed to be anything more than one big party show where the fans get to see a bunch of people running out there and some semblance of a match taking place. You have to know exactly what you’re getting into, but if you can accept that, you’ll have a good time.

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break 7
Date: March 31, 2023
Location: Ukranian Cultural Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Lenny Leonard, Veda Scott

This is the show where you just get to have fun and that is one of the best possible options. With this show, you’re going to see some insanity, some surprises and probably a lot of carnage, which should make for an entertaining night. It’s almost always a fun show and now we get the Los Angles version. Let’s get to it.

Gringo Loco vs. Shane Mercer vs. Tony Deppen vs. Cole Radrick vs. Komander vs. Billie Starkz vs. Blake Christian vs. Alec Price vs. Jack Cartwheel

It’s a Grab The Brass Ring DLC (Doors Ladders and Chairs, winner gets a future title shot of their choice) ladder match, which is at least a step above a scramble (I think). Christian comes out after the introductions and seems to be adding himself to the lineup. Then they call it a ladder match but also a scramble, as apparently the ceiling is too high to put up an actual brass ring so it will be pin or submission. That’s…..a way to go.

Deppen gets in the rather large Mercer’s face to start and the big brawl is on with most of them heading outside. Loco hits a springboard double armdrag on Deppen and Christian. Komander comes in and we get a showdown with Loco, who is hurricanranaed out to the floor. It’s Mercer taking Loco’s place with a backbreaker before Cartwheel is back in to pick up the pace. Cartwheel hits the big flip dive to the floor but Price comes in to clean a few rooms.

Mercer isn’t having that and throws Price over the top to send him outside. Loco is in with some chairs to Mercer’s head, followed by a top rope Canadian Destroyer. The first ladder is brought in as Christian gets to take Deppen down so he can ride the ladder down onto him. Loco is back in with a piledriver to Christian before bringing in a giant ladder. Starkz is back in to kick Loco in the head before going up top with Price.

That goes badly for Starkz, who gets put on and driven through a table for two. Deppen climbs the big ladder but another big ladder is bridged into it. Everyone comes crashing down and Cartwheel dives over the top to put Radrick through another door. Mercer takes Cartwheel up a ladder and hits a moonsault World’s Strongest Slam for two, with Loco using a chair to make the save.

Another door breaks rather quickly and the fans are NOT pleased. Mercer is laid on a door and it’s Loco going up the ladder, with Price on the bridged ladder to meet him (while Komander chills on the top turnbuckle). Price opts to dive on some people, followed by Komander walking the ropes to take out more people. Loco’s flip dive takes out Mercer and Starkz clears out a bunch of the weapons. Radrick comes back in and gets caught with a running forearm in the corner. Starkz plants Radrick but Christian comes in with a Stomp to pin Starkz at 14:07.

Rating: B-. The rules and setup were a little weird but at least they had the more interesting person win. Christian was announced as one of the more controversial/hated stars in the company so giving him the title match is a good idea. It was a pretty wild match, though cutting out two or three people (at least) would have helped.

Video on the Motor City Machine Guns vs. the East West Connection for the Tag Team Titles.

Tag Team Titles: Motor City Machine Guns vs. East West Express

The Express (Jordan Oliver/Nick Wayne) is challenging and the Guns jump them to start with the fight heading outside. Sabin goes after Wayne’s face, which was cut open badly in a match earlier today. The Express gets back in and hits stereo dives though, even as Wayne’s face is bleeding again.

Back in and Sabin gets caught with running boots in the corner but Shelley comes in for the save. Shelly sends the Express into the corner for a hesitation dropkick. The Guns get violent by tying the Express together and pulling on both of them at once. Oliver fights up and hits a running clothesline to Sabin, allowing Wayne to come in off the tag. Sabin is back up with a running boot to cut Wayne off in the corner but he sticks the landing out of a sunset bomb.

Everything breaks down again and Shelly Shell Shocks Wayne for two. The Border City Stretch has Wayne in more trouble and Sabin grabs a Texas Cloverleaf on Oliver. Both of them are broken up so the Guns hit Oliver with the Dream Sequence. Sabin kicks Shelly by mistake to send him to the floor, leaving Sabin to get Stunned into a German suplex. The corner cutter gets two on Sabin and a double cutter out of the corner gets a double two. Another double cutter hits Sabin for the pin and the titles at 12:28.

Rating: B-. It was an energetic match and the title change felt like a big deal, but the ending was a little flat. They just kept hitting the same move until it got a pin, which isn’t exactly a hot ending to a match. The Express winning the titles is a big deal and it’s cool to see the Guns as heels, but this didn’t quite get to the next level.

Here is DDT Ironman Heavymetalweight Champion (comedy 24/7 title from DDT in Japan) Yoshihiko (a female sex doll) for an interview. She is rather silent about being a champion and her title defense earlier today, but will be back in GCW. Cue Charles Mason, with Parrow, to interrupt. Mason jumps Yoshihiko and says she isn’t real before calling this whole thing dump. He whips out a knife and threatens to cut the throat, but Yoshihiko’s handler makes a save. It’s Jimmy Lloyd, who is going to be forced to watch the destruction….until Yoshihiko fights back and chases off the intelligen….er, heels.

Video on Mike Bailey vs. El Hijo del Vikingo.

Mike Bailey vs. El Hijo del Vikingo

Vikingo’s AAA Mega Title isn’t on the line. Believe it or not, they do trade flips around to start and shake hands once neither can get anywhere. An exchange of kicks doesn’t get anyone very far so Vikingo goes up top, loses his balance, jumps back up and mostly hits a super hurricanrana. Vikingo hits a dive to the floor but Bailey kicks him down and nails a middle rope moonsault to the floor.

Back in and a kick to the back gets two on Vikingo as this is already more grounded than anything I’ve seen Vikingo do. A dragon screw legwhip takes Vikingo down and Bailey does it again out of the corner (oh the irony). The leglock goes on so Vikingo crawls over to the rope for the break. Back up and they trade chops (Bailey’s aren’t as loud due to Vikingo’s chest being covered).

They take turns offering their backs to the other for chops….until Bailey kicks him instead. Vikingo is back with some running knees to send Bailey outside, where the shooting star from the apron connects. Back in and the middle rope Phoenix splash gives Vikingo two and Bailey is outside again. The slide takes too long though and Bailey is back up for a top rope moonsault.

Back in and Bailey kicks him down for two but the tornado kick misses. Vikingo’s imploding dragon rana only mostly works and they head to the apron for the exchange of kicks to the chest. Vikingo gets the better of things and climbs to the post, setting up a crazy Canadian Destroyer onto the apron to leave them both on the floor. Back up and Bailey blocks a shooting star with raised knees, setting up a floatover fisherman’s superplex for two (that was cool). Bailey’s Flamingo Driver is blocked though and Vikingo takes him up top for a super swinging Rock Bottom. That sets up the 630 to finish Bailey at 16:57.

Rating: B. This was what you would expect from these two as they were doing all of the crazy flips and dives, though in this case they did slow down a bit between some of the spots. Bailey going after the leg made sense, but ironically enough, Bailey’s opponent didn’t bother to sell the knee for once. It was entertaining, as Vikingo’s monster weekend continues.

Post match money is thrown into the ring and they put it into Vikingo’s helmet to split up later.

Bussy vs. Maki Death Kill

That would be Effy/Allie Katch vs. Nick Gage/Maki Itoh and….egads I have no idea what this is going to be like. As you might expect, the fans go nuts for Gage. The women start things off with a lot of posing and yell at each other a bit but then we have to stop for some Itoh posing. Allie isn’t having that and poses as well, though hers is a bit more suggestive compared to Itoh’s cute stuff.

That’s enough for Allie, who kicks her in the ribs but gets taken down. A falling headbutt is enough for Allie to bring Gage in to face Effy. They have some problems with a leapfrog so Effy drops to his knees. That means he has to slip out of a piledriver attempt so Gage slams him instead. A splash puts Gage down and it’s Allie coming back in to send Gage into the corner. Gage neckbreakers his way out of trouble and hits a suplex, allowing a somewhat reluctant tag to Itoh.

Some horrible right hands in the corner stagger Effy but a tornado DDT works a bit better. Gage whips out the pizza cutter so Allie, who has stolen his bandanna, wraps a chair around his head and sends it into the post. Effy uses the pizza cutter to carve up Itoh’s head and Allie gets in some carving of her own as the violence begins. Gage is back in with a DDT to Allie and a spinebuster to Effy. With Itoh safe…..Gage pulls out a SPECIAL pizza cutter, complete with a bow tie that matches Itoh’s gear.

Bussy both get cut at the same time (via split screen) and Effy is rather busted open. Back up and Allie and Gage hit stereo piledrivers to give us a bit showdown. The chokebreaker gives Gage two but Effy is back in. That earns him a chair shot from Itoh but Effy chairs both of them down. Itoh is so upset that she is about to cry, but flips Allie off for trying to kiss her better. That has Allie crying much harder until Gage is back up. Gage hits something like a One Winged Angel on Allie and Itoh’s diving DDT are good or double pins at 16:11.

Rating: C. It’s Nick Gage so this is only going to be so good in the first place. Save for the pizza cutter, they didn’t get too nuts with the violence, but it was still hard to sit through some of this stuff. Itoh’s gimmick is all around cuteness and that worked well enough, though it was nowhere near as over the top as she was in AEW. Bussy has been around all weekend and while Effy is hard to take at times, he was far less annoying here. Katch is always worth a look so this was a very weird mixture that could have been a lot worse.

Post match Gage and Itoh hit the catchphrase but Matt Cardona (in a Cody Rhodes jacket) and Steph De Lander run in with chairs to beat them down. Cardona calls it BS that they aren’t booked on this show or Wrestlemania. They both mock Gage and Itoh but here is World Champion Masha Slamovich to interrupt. Gage is up to take out Cardona and they fight to the back, so let’s do the impromptu World Title thing.

GCW World Title: Steph De Lander vs. Masha Slamovich

De Lander is in street clothes and challenging. Slamovich starts fast and hammers away but gets knocked hard into the corner. A suplex gives De Lander two but Slamovich gets in a kick to the head. It’s time for a really big door and some chairs, with Slamovich being dropped down onto the latter. Slamovich is fine enough to Air Raid Crash her through the door but here is Cardona to jump Slamovich. Gage and Itoh run in to break up a chair shot to Slamovich and Itoh hits some Reboots on Cardona in the corner. Slamovich chokes De Lander out to retain at 6:23.

Rating: C. This was rather quick and to the point, which is what something set up this way had to be. There is only do much that De Lander can do in street clothes and it more of a “hey we’re here too” deal than anything else. Slamovich hasn’t been champion long so getting her some title defenses piled up isn’t a bad idea. The match was a bit of a mess but it got out before it went too far.

Joey Janela vs. Kota Ibushi

This is Ibushi’s second match since 2021 due to an injury. Feeling out process to start and they go to the mat with Ibushi taking over. Janela grabs a headscissors but has to duck a big kick. Back up and Ibushi dropkicks him to the floor but won’t dive out there too. Janela chops away back inside, with Ibushi telling him to chop harder.

With that not working, Janela slaps on a figure four neck lock until the rope is reached. A hurricanrana sends Janela to the floor and now the springboard moonsault takes him down. Back in and a rolling suplex gives Ibushi two but Janela superplexes him down for a crash. They slug it out on the apron with Janela getting dropped hard to bust him open.

The slugout goes to Janela, who manages a DDT on the apron. Janela takes a good while bridging some doors over some chairs at ringside and Ibushi is back up. What looks to be a German superplex through the table is more a fall through them and Janela is mostly done. Back in and Janela snaps off a Death Valley Driver and then does it again for one.

Another slugout goes to Janela and the rather bloody Janela snaps off a German suplex. Then Ibushi gets his own German suplex, followed by the double clothesline for the double knockdown. Back up and they slap it out until Janela plants him with the package piledriver for two. A bunch of superkicks rock Ibushi but he’s back with a pair of running knees for the pin at 24:19.

Rating: B. This was a weird one as it went from just an ok match to a hard hitting bloodbath. Ibushi isn’t about to lose in his first regular match back (after his first was in Bloodsport) so this was more of a big homecoming. Janela still isn’t exactly great in the ring, but he knows how to put in a match like this and make it work well. Solid main event.

Respect is shown post match. Janela gets the mic and talks about the things that have been going on in recent years. He finally got his first contract with AEW but everything fell apart. He wasn’t sure what he was doing and he had to watch his ex-girlfriend be with someone else. After saying he’s cool with Penelope Ford and Kip Sabian, Janela talks about Kota Ibushi deciding to stay away from WWE and AEW. Janela calls him the embodiment of Japanese wrestling and hugs him to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. I’m not sure what to think of this one as it was much more a regular show and a good one, but I was expecting something more in the way of over the top. There was a ladder match, a Nick Gage match (take that for what you will) and the rest is straight wrestling. It’s more or less a GCW show and while it’s good (very good actually), it’s not exactly what I was expecting. Heck of a show, though not in the show’s traditional sense.

 

 

 

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Joey Janela’s Spring Break 6 Night Two
Date: April 1, 2022
Location: Fair Park, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Kevin Gill

It’s the second half of the show and in this case, it needs to get a pretty big upgrade over the first half. Night one was a decent enough show, but it wasn’t memorable, which is the point of a show like this. Now that being being said, this show is built around the Clusterf*** Battle Royal, which could be quite the mess. Let’s get to it.

Here is Night One if you need a recap.

We open with Joey Janela talking about beating Sean Waltman last night and wanting his flowers. He wonders why the fans hate him now but Spring Break needs a lethal dose of poison to turn it back into what it is supposed to be. This year, he is entering the Clusterf*** so he can end it once and for all. Maybe just don’t run it then?

Matt Cardona vs. Chris Dickinson

Chelsea Green is here with Cardona, who is currently the king, meaning yes he does have a Macho King crown. Green gets in an ALL HAIL THE DEATHMATCH KING and the fans are all over Cardona again. Cardona insults GCW and says they are the power couple of wrestling. Six years ago, he won the Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania, but now he’s in this piece of garbage ring. If he was in WWE, like he should be, he would be celebrating his friend Mark Calaway, who he will see in the Hall of Fame one day.

Dickinson comes out with….MISSY HYATT to even things out, which is one of those names that makes this show feel fun. Both pairs share good luck kisses before the match, with Hyatt’s leaving Dickinson woozy. Dickinson wrestles him to the mat to start but Cardona is up to yell at Hyatt. That doesn’t work well for Dickinson, who grabs a cross armbreaker to send Cardona bailing to the floor.

Back in and Green grabs Dickinson’s foot for a distraction so Cardona can stomp away. After throwing his shirt at Hyatt, Cardona chokes with the wrist tape and then his hand for a bonus. The running forearm drops Dickinson again and a neckbreaker gives Cardona two. It’s already door time but Cardona spends too much time mocking the crowd, allowing Dickinson to backdrop him through the door in the corner.

The slugout is on with Cardona going to the eyes, only to get blasted with a running clothesline. The brainbuster gives Dickinson two but Green offers a distraction, allowing Cardona to nail a spear for two. Missy finally grabs Cardona’s boot and slaps Green, allowing Dickinson to hit a Death Valley Driver for two of his own.

Green offers another distraction so Cardona can hit a low blow into the Rough Ryder for two. Now it’s Green coming in and hitting Cardona with Missy’s loaded purse by mistake, allowing Dickinson to clothesline her down. The toss Razor’s Edge is enough for Dickinson to pin both of them at once at 12:43.

Rating: C+. You really can see why the GCW fans can’t stand Cardona in this run as he is one of the most annoying and obnoxious heels you could want to see. He is playing up the idea of being a big shot and that is one of the best ways to get heat from anyone. Dickinson is a decent power guy and looked good here, though Missy kind of disappeared for large chunks of the match.

Biff Busick vs. Tony Deppen

Feeling out process to start with Deppen trying to go to the mat to little success. Back up and Busick goes to the armbar, which has Deppen bailing to the ropes. Busick chops the heck out of Deppen, whose chops back have no effect. They head outside with Busick uppercutting away but a chop only hits the post. With Busick trying to shake it off, Deppen hits a flip dive off the apron and they head back inside.

Busick is fine enough to knee him down and the figure four necklock sends Deppen to the ropes again. Back up and Busick gets a little more violent by holding Deppen in place for some slaps to the face. Deppen is smart enough to go after Busick’s bad hand but Busick hits a running uppercut to take him down again.

Busick misses a charge though and Deppen hits a suicide flip dive for two back inside. Back up and the slugout goes to Busick until Deppen goes for the hand and grabs a Kimura of all things. With that broken up, Busick wins another strike off but Deppen avoids a charge in the corner. A running knee finishes Busick at 11:40.

Rating: B-. Sometimes you need two people to hit each other really hard and you got at least half of that here with Busick’s beating. Busick might not be a star in the making, but he’s an established hard hitter in the middle of the card and that should be enough to get him quite a few jobs. At the same time, you have Deppen as one of the better heels I’ve seen in a bit, as he is just straight up unlikable. Keep going with that and he’ll be fine.

Post match Deppen thanks Busick for the match but tells anyone who doesn’t believe in him what they can kiss.

Mike Bailey vs. Jordan Oliver

Bailey does his bow and they shake hands to start. Oliver does his pose so Bailey kicks him in the face and strikes away but Oliver is back up with chops of his own. Bailey’s leapfrog is countered into a faceplant and Oliver sends him outside for a big dive. Some kicks send Oliver through some chairs though and Bailey knees him in the chest.

Back in and Bailey kicks him in the chest for two, followed by the YES Kicks to make it worse. Bailey hits a running kick to the face in the corner and they strike it out again. Oliver snaps off a release German suplex and a sitout powerbomb for two but Bailey sends him outside. There’s the springboard moonsault to the floor and they strike it out on the apron.

Bailey gets the better of things and hits the moonsault knees, setting up the bouncing kicks back inside. The big kick to the head looks to set up the Ultimate Weapon but Oliver counters it with a cutter. A handspring cutter gets two so Oliver goes up, only to get pulled down with something like a One Winged Angel for the pin at 10:01.

Rating: C+. As is usually the case with Bailey, the action was good but he continues to have such a punchable face that it is hard to get into his matches. The good thing here was he didn’t have the stupid no selling that drags down every good thing he does, making this slightly easier to watch than most of his matches. Oliver has come a long way but still has a good bit to go before he moves up to the next level.

Effy says he shouldn’t be here but tonight he’ll beat Minoru Suzuki, have his own show tomorrow, and then maybe he’ll come for some gold.

Effy vs. Minoru Suzuki

Allie Katch is here with Effy. They both stick their jaws out with offers of a free shot but Effy’s attempt at a kiss gets him slapped. Suzuki slaps him down and then a kick to the face puts Effy on the floor. They head outside with Effy telling him to chop as hard as he can. That’s fine with Suzuki, who mocks Effy’s return chops.

A big boot sends Effy through the chairs and Suzuki cranks on the arm back inside. Effy tries some forearms but gets dropped with a single one from Suzuki. Then Effy bites Suzuki’s nipple and northern lights suplexes him for two. The big kiss staggers Suzuki but it’s a slap to the face and the Gotch style piledriver to give Suzuki the pin at 9:04.

Rating: C. Effy’s stuff may or may not be your cup of tea but Suzuki more or less squashed him here in a match with little to no doubt about the outcome. Effy was doing little more than comedy here so it isn’t like there was much to get annoyed about. They were going for the “wouldn’t it be funny if these two wrestled” idea here and I’ve seen worse versions.

Greatest Clusterf***

So this is basically a Royal Rumble, but only in the very loosest of terms. There are no set time intervals and I don’t believe there is a set number of entrants. I’m not going to be able to keep track of all of the eliminations, as I’ve never seen a version of this where they are all announced. This is going to be about total chaos and some surprise entrants and nothing more. You can be eliminated by pinfall, submission, over the top, leaving the building and…death?

Joey Janela is in at #1 and Buff Bagwell is in at #2 for your first surprise. Granted Buff is on a crutch but he has the American Males theme so this could be a lot worse. Janela wants to strut with him but it’s a superkick to get rid of Buff very quickly. George Gatton, with an unidentified title, is in at #3 and it’s a superkick into a piledriver to get rid of him too. Judas Judd Cassidy (I think?) is in at #4 and gets thrown over the top just as fast.

Yoya is in at #5 and suplexes Janela but gets caught in a heck of a package piledriver for the pin. Billie Starkz is in at #6 and a Gory Bomb takes Janela down but he raises knees to block her Swanton. That’s it for Starkz and it’s Juicy Finau (a big guy) in at #7. Janela can’t suplex him so Finau does it to Janela instead and it’s the even larger Sam Stackhouse, in Bam Bam Bigelow inspired gear, in at #8.

That leaves Janela to get crushed in the corner by back to back splashes but Stackhouse misses an ugly moonsault. Janela tosses both of them and it’s Rhett Titus in at #9 as Janela keeps up his Brock Lesnar-esque run. Titus wrestles him down and hits the running boot in the corner until it’s the Invisible Man in at #10.

So we have the Invisible Man, Janela and Titus with Titus and the Man slugging it out. The Man gets the better of both of them but an elbow to the face lets Janela and Titus beat him down. A double suplex lets the two of them pose but Man is back with a double low blow. The Man throws out Titus but gets stomped down until Dante Leon is in at #11. They waste no time in the next entrant with Ninja Mack in at #12.

Leon and Mack are long time rivals so they pose at each other before superkicking Janela down. A shooting star piledriver drops Mack and it’s a sick looking Jimmy Lloyd in at #13. Janela and Lloyd put on masks and they rehash their Social Distancing match, meaning they punch from a safe distance. Mack isn’t having that and kicks Lloyd down, setting up the running flip dive to drop Janela on the floor. Back in and Lloyd runs Mack over for the pin and Early Morning Guy Steele is in at #14.

Steele doesn’t seem to know what he is doing and falls off the top as Janela and Lloyd watch from the middle of the ring. Then Steele gives them a running double Blockbuster and a Canadian Destroyer each. Then he goes up top for a 450 to Lloyd, only to get rolled up for the pin from Janela. That was a weird one and it’s Blake Christian in at #15. House is cleaned but the Invisible Man hits Christian low. That earns him a dropkick and it’s Kevin Blackwood in at #16.

Blackwood’s suplex gets two on Leon and stomps on Janela in the corner until Hoodfoot is in at #17. Hoodfoot and Blackwood slug it out until Slade is in at #18. Young Dumb And Broke (Charlie Tiger and Ellis Taylor) are in at #19 and #20, giving us Janela, Invisible Man, Leon, Lloyd, Christian, Blackwood, Hoodfoot, Slade, Tiger and Taylor as this is far more organized than I was expecting. Everyone hits everyone until Deranged is in at #21 to clean house. With that going nowhere, Grim Reefer is in at #22 and has a smoke.

We now pause for everyone to partake, including Janela, who says he isn’t with AEW anymore and can do what he wants. Janela runs to the back (I don’t think he’s been eliminated but who can tell around here?) and Sandra Moone is in at #23. Reefer clotheslines her down and it’s Parrow in at #24. House is cleaned with Deranged and Reefer being eliminated almost immediately.

Big F’N Vin is in at #25 as Janela is having some Cheetos. Vin kicks Parrow out without much trouble as Janela wants to know his next spot. Nate Webb is in at #26 and comes through the crowd, who sings his theme music. Lloyd gets dropped by the Invisible Man, who hammers on Webb in the corner. Janela superkicks the Invisible Man though and tosses him out, much to the fans’ annoyance. Webb misses a charge and gets low bridged to the floor and Hoodfoot is tossed as well.

Shazza McKenzie is in at #27 and goes after Janela to start the beating. Janela gets in a shot to the face though and grabs a door, only to have McKenzie spear him through it. Janai Kai is in at #28 and Jazzy Yang (Jimmy Wang’s daughter) follows her at #29. The four women in the match stare each other down and it’s Edith Surreal in at #30. That gives us Janela, Leon, Lloyd, Christian, Blackwood, Tiger, Ellis, Moone, Vin, McKenzie, Kai, Yang and Surreal, assuming I didn’t miss any random eliminations.

Dark Sheik, another woman, is in at #31 and we have a six woman showdown. Uh make that seven as LuFisto is in at #32. Some of the guys come in to go after the women, with Leon and Taylor being tossed out. The women all beat up Tiger and toss him out with Vin joining him. Then the women get into it, with Kai kicking out LuFisto. Moone is out as well and McKenzie hits a Stunner on Kai for the elimination. Janela comes back in to superkick McKenzie for the pin and it’s Maven of all people in at #33.

Everyone stops to look at him so Maven hits a bunch of dropkicks….and then walks out for an elimination. Fans: “THANK YOU MAVEN!” With everyone else pairing off, Sean Ross Sapp, yes the dirt sheet writer, is in at #34, drawing a WE WANT MELTZER chant. Sapp gets a mic and begs people to subscribe to Fightful Select so they can read about GCW wrestlers getting fired by AEW. Josh Barnett, former UFC Heavyweight Champion, is in at #35 but fellow writer Denise Salcedo (not in the match) comes in to low blow Sapp and toss him out.

Nasty Leroy is in at #36 and Barnett blasts him with a clothesline as Jimmy Wang Yang is in at #37. Yang manages to take him down (not the prettiest but it worked) so Jazzy (remember, Yang’s daughter) comes in to grab the leg, which apparently counts as a submission to get rid of Barnett. Jazzy rolls up Lloyd for an elimination and it’s Alec Price in at #38. Price tosses Yang and dances a bit before getting kicked in the face by Jazzy. That’s enough for Price to toss her as well and it’s Cole Radrick in at #39.

Radrick and Price wind up on the apron and it’s a double elimination. Brandon Kirk is in at #40, giving us Janela, Christian, Blackwood, Slade, Surreal, Sheik, Leroy and Kirk (I think at least). Sheik hits Kirk low as we’re told Slade has left the building. Janela runs the ropes a lot until Lord Adrean (a Wal-Mart Guy) is in at #41. Adrean cleans house and Tombstones Kirk for the elimination, only to get Death Valley Drivered by Janela for another elimination. Kevin Matthews (you might remember him as KM in Impact) is in at #42 and stares it down with Leroy.

A not great looking Rock Bottom plants Matthews and a worse Rock Bottom sets up a leglock for the tap as Janela busts a gut laughing. Then Janela hits Leroy low and pins him and it’s Nick Wayne in at #43 for a brawl on the apron with Janela. Wayne superkicks Janela out for one heck of a pop and here is B-Boy to introduce Team LA Fights, which are six unnamed people. The team (Jai Vidal and Jack Cartwheel are two of them) clean house and something like a Styles Clash into a sitout powerbomb gets rid of Blackwood.

With those six in at #44-49, the Second City Crew (AJ Gray/Mance Warner/Matthew Justice/1 Called Manders and Levi Everett) are in #50-#54. The Crew cleans house with Matt Vandagriff (of LA Fights) being tossed. Damian Drake and Ju Dizz (I think) are both out with Hunter Freeman joining them. Cartwheel gets knocked out but walks on his hands until Manders chairs him down for the elimination. Vidal is tossed out and the Crew is left alone until the others still in the match come in.

Christian and Wayne get together to toss Everett and Manders. Somehow Christian and Wayne are the last two with Christian hitting a quick Downward Spiral for the pin…and never mind as yeah there are some people still left. Sheik comes in off the top with a spinwheel kick and the rest of the Crew pile onto her for the pin. Christian goes after the Crew but gets taken down and superplexed into a top rope legdrop for the pin….and that’s it at 1:23:57 (I guess Surreal was tossed somewhere in there).

Rating: C+. To be clear, this match is not about something coherent or anything more than having one name after another. That being said, this was WAY more coherent than the previous edition and that helped a lot. This felt more like a very indy Royal Rumble and, save for Surreal, no one was getting lost in the whole thing. I had a good time with this and it did fly by with some fun moments. It’s the kind of match that I was expecting from a Spring Break and it went well, especially with all of the insanity that came with it.

Overall Rating: B-. This was more like the Spring Breaks of the past and it worked out pretty well all things considered. It was a collection of some fun matches before we got to the big main event and that wound up working well. Good stuff here and it didn’t feel like a regular GCW show. While those can be fun, it’s not what I came into this wanting. The main event is all that mattered here and the other four matches were a nice bonus so we’ll call this a success.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Shallow Graves
Date: April 10, 2021
Location: Cuban Club, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Drenen, Kid Osborne

This is another one from Wrestlemania Weekend and I’m not sure what to expect. I have a bad feeling that I’m getting into another hardcore/deathmatch/no rules kind of show and that is not going to be my cup of orange juice. Hopefully they surprise me and there are some talented names on the roster. Let’s get to it.

I know nothing about what is going on here so forgive me if I don’t know some storylines or characters.

After six minutes of a logo to start things off, James Mitchell joins us to say that we should beware of the pale horse called death.

The opening video looks at various death like things, including vultures and someone being buried, with the horror movie style credits running down the card (that’s clever).

Ryan Fox welcomes us to the show and talks about how this show is a year in the making. I’m assuming he’s the promoter, as he hypes up the opener.

So apparently this promotion doesn’t have a ring, but rather an open space with a bunch of weapons provided. Oh dear indeed.

The End vs. The Hustle and the Muscle

The End is Parrow/Odinson, a pair of hosses while Hustle/Muscle is Rohit Raju/Jake Something. Announcer: “Coming to the floor!” That’s going to take some getting used to. Hold on though as Raju needs a mic. Raju congratulates the fans for making it to the final show of the Collective and says how lucky they are to see some real wrestlers. He goes on a rant about how stupid Twitter is and now many fans pretend bad wrestlers are good.

It’s time to start and the brawl is on, sans bell (mainly because having a ring bell sans ring doesn’t make sense). They split up and fight around the….I guess the term is arena, as you probably saw coming. The cameras keep cutting back and forth between brawls as Osborne talks about how he could jump in there if he wanted to. Odinson swings Raju into a wall over and over as Parrow chairs Something in the back.

Something is sandwiched between some chairs, with Odinson hitting an AA onto the chairs (or a fireman’s carry into a backsplash according to Drenen). The fights split up again with Odinson kicking Raju in the face and Something planting Parrow onto a chair. Raju knees Odinson down some steps and a running knee knocks Odinson silly again. Some chairs are loaded up and Something throws Raju at Odinson, who counters into a spinebuster onto those chairs.

Something takes Odinson right back down though and sets up two chairs, with a door layed onto it like a ramp. Parrow is back up to throw Raju through a door as Osborne will not shut up about how great he was son other shows. Something is powerbombed against a wall and a chokeslam puts Raju through another door bridged over some chairs.

Jake breaks some lighttubes over Parrow’s head and gets glared at so all four grab chairs for the double duel. Parrow, with a very bloody back, gets the best of things but can’t follow up, leaving everyone down. Osborne: “I would have been the first one up. They were swinging those chairs like b******.” They’re all back up so the End can hit a Super Collider and the pin at 10:08.

Rating: C. What are you supposed to say about something like this? It isn’t a wrestling match and the weapons were there to make it even worse, but the End feel like a good power team. It’s going to take some time to get used to this stuff, but hopefully they tone the violence down a bit. I mean, I don’t think they will, but it gives me some hope for the next two hours.

Bam Sullivan, the Trash With The Stache, who looks to be an old western guy, is ready for Bobby Beverly. I’m not sure why he has a slice of pizza on his vest.

Ryan Fox hypes up the next match, as I’m assuming he’ll be doing for every match.

Bobby Beverly vs. Bam Sullivan

Actually never mind as both of them are injured. Worry not though as Osborne is right there to say he’s still a better promo than Sullivan anyway.

AJ Gray vs. Hardway Heeter

This is a replacement match and there is an inflatable alligator in the middle of the floor. Before the match, Gray isn’t happy with not being on the show in the first place and swears a lot. Heeter comes out with a bunch of red lights flashing and hits Gray with some lighttubes. Gray is back with some chair and lighttube shots of his own and it’s time to carve Heeter’s head open.

Heeter is back with more lighttubes, because five lighttubes are more impressive than one. Some chair shots each put them both down for a bit, with Heeter getting the better of things. They both grab lighttubes and break them over the other’s head, setting up a suplex to drop Heeter on the inflatable alligator. Gray has some goons load up a sheet of glass as Osborne complains about his lack of a title shot. Heeter fights back so he gets hit with a bunch of lighttubes, setting up a suplex off a platform and through the glass to finish Heeter at 4:30.

Rating: D. Yeah this was the bad one that I was expecting, as it was all about the lighttubes and glass because that’s the gold standard in a match like this. I wasn’t big on this whatsoever and Heeter looked like every indy guy in this kind of a promotion. Gray can do good stuff in regular matches, and the only good thing about this was that it was short.

Wolfe Taylor is tired of being buried around here in favor of all of the indy darlings. He’s never being buried again. At least they put a name with a face here.

And now, an intermission. I can go with the classic campy horror movie footage instead of just a graphic.

Said intermission is about a minute long, making me wonder what the point was. Did they run out of vignettes?

JJ Garrett vs. Cole Radrick vs. Wolfe Taylor vs. Jimmy Lloyd vs. Jordan Oliver

Everyone is brawling at once and it’s one fall to a finish. Garrett looks like a young Scott Steiner (including dressing like him and his intro mentioned Steiner) and Rardick is a small but talented guy. Hold on though as we have some replacements, with Oliver not actually here for whatever reason.

JJ Garrett vs. Cole Radrick vs. Wolfe Taylor vs. Jimmy Lloyd vs. Kevin Blackwood vs. Devon Monroe

Everyone is brawling at once and it’s one fall to a finish. Monroe is basically Sonny Kiss and is billed as Black Sexcellence. Lloyd is in a Hurt Business shirt and commentary references some kind of appearance he made involving the team. Blackwood is another surprise entrant and there is no mention of Oliver not being included. Everyone gets in a circle and Blackwood sits down in the middle because he’s a little odd.

That goes nowhere so it’s time to exchange strikes, with Blackwood getting the better of things. Taylor and Garrett exchange for a bit until Radrick interrupts to take Garrett down with a headscissors. Monroe knees Radrick in the face as people start pairing off. Blackwood sends Taylor into a metal hand rail and Lloyd hits Monroe in the face. That leaves us with the Blackwood vs. Lloyd showdown (the world has been waiting), which switches into Blackwood vs. Radrick for a more positive reaction.

They slap each other in the face over and over with Radrick getting the better of things, at least until a double kick to the face puts them both down. Wolfe gives Lloyd a tornado DDT onto the floor but grabs a chair instead of covering (Gorilla Monsoon would not approve). With the wrestling getting boring, it’s time to grab a door/frame/lighttube contraption. Lloyd Rock Bottoms Wolfe through it for two, because that isn’t a big enough spot yet.

Radrick puts Lloyd on a door bridged over chairs (Commentary: “WHEN WAS THAT SET UP???”) for a running cannonball off some steps. With that not even breaking the door, Radrick drops Blackwood onto an open chair. Blackwood pops up and Death Valley Drivers Radrick through the door but here’s Monroe to go after Blackwood instead. A discus forearm knocks Blackwood silly so here is Garrett to jump Monroe. Wolfe is back up for a fireman’s carry backbreaker to Garrett, followed by some face ripping….which is enough for the tap at 8:30.

Rating: C. Again, what are you expecting from something like this? It’s a bunch of people running around doing everything they can and no one got to stand out as a result. That’s how a match like this is always going to work, no matter how annoying it might be. I’ve never been a fan of these things, but you know you’re going to get one on a big indy show.

James Mitchell misquotes the Bible.

Matthew Justice vs. Erick Redbeard

Redbeard is of course better known as Erick Rowan and this is fallout from Redbeard jumping Justice at the end of a previous show. They throw trashcans at each other to start and then get to the more effective slugout. Justice gets in some chair shots but Redbeard hits him in the back and then throws a chair, setting up something like a Van Daminator. More chair shots have Justice down as commentary is convinced that all hope is lost. A table is set up but first Redbeard needs to kick Justice in the face.

That just wakes Justice up enough to send him into a door against a wall to start the comeback. Some chair shots keep Redbeard in trouble but he’s back with a trashcan over Justice’s head. Said trashcan is thrown (Fan: “THAT TRASHCAN HAS A FAMILY!!!”) but Redbeard is sent face first into a support beam. Redbeard BLASTS HIM In the face with a door and then hits the ground next to Justice with the door for a rather miserable visual. It’s time for the belt to come off for some whipping and choking, followed by a hanging from the stands.

Justice gets sent into a wall but avoids a charge to send Redbeard into it as well. A flip dive off the steps finally puts Redbeard down and now it’s time to whip him for a change. Justice chokes with the belt and throws a chair at his back to make it worse. A splash out of the stands drives Redbeard through a door for two so Justice tries it again, only to get trashcanned out of the air. Redbeard loads up a bunch of chairs and, after smacking Justice in the face, hits a claw slam off the stage onto the broken door and chairs for the pin at 11:47.

Rating: C-. This was a watchable enough back and forth big guy vs. little guy match and it worked out well enough. It’s nice to see Redbeard winning and that slap to the face was a great shot. I’m surprised Redbeard hasn’t gotten a deal with a bigger promotion yet, but he looked good as a monster here.

Respect is shown post match, which kind of defeats the purpose of a grudge.

Fox’s explanation for the next match: two guys beating on each other.

Mance Warner vs. Conor Claxton

This is a No Win Deathmatch, which I guess is different than the previous matches in….some way that isn’t important enough to explain. Warner coming out to Simple Man is rather great, while Claxton pulling out a cigarette, not so much. Joey Janela jumps in on commentary to make it more, ahem, interesting.

Warner throws him a lighttube and we’re going to be starting with a duel. That means hitting each other with the lighttubes, followed by a chain whip to Claxton’s back. The eye poke has Balor staggering off and Warner hits him with various other weapons. The bloody Claxton gets in a few shots of his own and sends Warner head first into a street sign on the floor. Warner is right back with the Bionic low blow as Claxton is favoring a previous shoulder injury.

There’s a lighttube shot over Claxton’s head and it is time to walk around some more. Claxton whips him through a door and stomps away though, meaning it’s time to wrap a chain around his hand. Janela shouts even more, going on about what he has been doing today. That’s it for Janela, who is off to do something else as Warner makes a comeback.

A DDT onto the floor isn’t even good enough to make Warner cover, with Osborne (accurately for once) yelling about how stupid that was. Some fan hands Warner more lighttubes (because he had those) and Warner finds a staple gun to make it worse. Warner steals the syringes that Claxton brought with him and stabs him in the mouth, because that’s how things go around here. A running knee drives the lighttubes into Claxton’s head (good thing he held them in place) for the pin at 8:41.

Rating: D-. Yeah this was bad, as it was nothing but a bunch of walking around with one spot after another. They threw in some lighttubes to try and make it more violent but this felt like it just came and went. I like Warner’s work from MLW, but this wasn’t working as it was the bad kind of deathmatch nonsense and didn’t do anything.

G-Raver is a monster but Su Yung has sent him an evil rose and James Mitchell is ready for her to end G-Raver for good.

Another intermission, featuring a funeral home documentary.

A woman named Jamie Senegal (I think?) says this show needs a diva so she’ll be a guest referee.

G-Raver vs. Su Yung

Senegal is guest referee and doesn’t seem that popular. Yung chases Jamie off to start and then stops to yell at the stairs. They go to opposite ends of the room and we’re ready to go, with the referee calling for a bell for the first time tonight. Raver throws her into a wall to start but Yung is back with a whip into the steps. A chair is tossed at Raver’s head but he shrugs it off and hammers away.

Raver knocks her down and gets in a stomp to the back but Yung hits him in the face. The spear sends Raver through a door for a delayed two and Yung needs a breather. Raver hits a kendo stick shot to the back but Yung gets in a few stick shots of her own. Cue a parade of undead brides and they’ve got glass. This takes so long that Raver is able to hit a knee to the face for his own delayed two.

Raver busts out some tattoo needles (I remember Race and Brisco doing that back in 74) and stabs them into Yung’s head (Race vs. Brisco in 75) but Yung mists him. Yung takes some time getting up and a double clothesline puts both of them down again. A palm strike knocks Raver down again and they get over to the glass stretched out on the chairs.

Both escape finishers until the Panic Switch sends Raver through the glass for two (with commentary freaking out). Cue the undead brides again as Yung puts on Raver’s mask. She also grabs the….whatever the Grim Reaper carries with him but can’t quite stab him. Instead, Raver powerbombs her onto the brides for the pin, despite the referee implying Yung kicked out.

Rating: D+. At least there was something of a story here, even if it wasn’t good for the most part. Yung is one of the better evil/dead characters you’ll see and she plays the part rather well. Raver is someone I’ve heard of before but he didn’t show me much here. The ending being messed up didn’t help either, but pinning someone on a pile of people can’t be easy.

Post match Yung is back up with a Mandible Claw and a bag of thumbtacks. Said tacks are put in Raver’s mouth for a palm strike, but he’s right back with a brainbuster onto a chair so he can leave. The undead brides carry Yung away, as is their custom.

Fox says all good things must come to an end, but he isn’t sure if he would call everything tonight good. Preach it brother.

Alex Colon vs. Masada

Deathmatch dream match or something. They go straight to the brawling with Colon punching away. Masada is back up trade various hard shots to the head, with Masada missing a bunch of chair shots. Colon gets a trashcan put over his head as they fight up into the crowd. The bloody Masada gets the better of things as they fight back down to the floor with Colon in trouble. Some chairs are set up with a big skewer board being sat on top of it.

Masada puts some of the skewers in Colon’s head and adds some sign shots. Colon puts some skewers back into Masada’s head, allowing him to walk around for the horrible visual. They slug it out with Masada hitting him low and busting out more skewers. It’s time for a barbed wire door to be laid over some chairs but Colon fights back. Two low blows cut that off and it’s the Death Valley Driver off the platform through the door to give Masada the pin at 7:57.

Rating: D. This was your freak show match with the skewers and all that garbage to wrap up the night. Colon got beaten up pretty badly here and Masada continues to be some kind of a deathmatch legend. It was all about the blood and violence with a not exactly huge spot to wrap it up. At least it’s over though.

We actually roll credits to wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D-. I don’t think there’s any secret to the fact that this is not for me and I would not have gotten into this if I knew what it was beforehand. I’m not sure how you can call it a wrestling show when they don’t actually have a ring but I guess that’s the point of something like this. It has its audience and that’s all bad and worse, but egads this is hard to watch at times. The only good thing is that it was barely two hours when you favor out all of the delays. Just more violence and brawling throughout, albeit with a few talented people sprinkled throughout.

 

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Fusion #125
Date: March 17, 2021
Location: Gilt Nightclub, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Rich Bocchini, Jared St. Laurent

We’re almost to Never Say Never with a pair of shows left before the big event. It’s also another double title show this week as Lio Rush defends the Middleweight Title and Los Parks defend the Tag Team Titles. Hopefully things can pick up a bit around here but I’m not sure if I would get my hopes up. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with Injustice and Contra fighting in the back. Los Parks get involved too and referees try to break it up.

Opening sequence.

Middleweight Title: Lio Rush vs. Brian Pillman Jr.

Pillman Jr. answered an open contract for the shot and does not look thrilled to be here. Feeling out process to start with Pillman shoving him down. A shoulder doesn’t do much for Pillman (who seems to be in his dad’s Four Horsemen tights) so he catches a charging Rush with a dropkick to better avail. Rush snaps off a headscissors to the floor and Pillman is in trouble for the first time. An uppercut to the back of the head gives Rush two and he elbows Pillman in the face for the same.

We hit a waistlock on the mat until Pillman elbows his way to freedom. Pillman gets in a few kicks of his own and snaps off a powerslam for two. A suplex takes a bit too long though and Rush kicks him in the face to send him outside. Back in and a kick to the head looks to set up the Final Hour but Pillman catches him on top. Pillman manages the superplex though and they’re both down. Rush is back up with the springboard Stunner into the Final Hour to retain at 9:17.

Rating: C+. Pillman got in more than I was expecting here but there was far from any real drama. The match did work well though, mainly because Rush defending the title makes it feel important. AEW has done a nice job at making the Middleweight Title feel important and that is not something easy to pull off. Nice match here.

Injustice’s Tag Team Title shot will now be a triple threat, also including Contra.

Alex Hammerstone doesn’t like Mil Muertes stealing his title last week. He knows Salina de la Renta is about as evil as you can get but she is most dangerous around old men with big bank accounts. Anyway, Mil Muertes holding a title doesn’t make him a champion so if he has the guts, let Hammerstone make him the main of 1001 deaths.

The Von Erichs want Team Filthy in any way they can get them.

Salina de la Renta, holding the National Openweight Title, says El Jefe wants violence.

Here’s the Top 10:

10. Jordan Oliver

9. Gino Medina

8. Myron Reed

7. Richard Holliday

6. Mads Krugger

5. Calvin Tankman

4. Mil Muertes

3. Low Ki

2. Tom Lawlor

1. Alex Hammerstone

Mil Muertes vs. Parrow

Salina de la Renta is here with Muertes. Neither goes anywhere off an exchange of shoulders so Muertes kicks him in the knee and grabs a low DDT. Muertes chops away in the corner and drops Parrow with a clothesline as we see Bu Ku Dao down in the back. They head outside with Parrow being driven back first into the apron but he drops Muertes back inside. There’s a backsplash for two on Muertes, who is right back with a powerslam for two. The Downward Spiral finishes Parrow at 4:19.

Rating: C-. It was a power match with two big men hitting each other rather hard for a few minutes. Muertes is on his way to a big feud with Alex Hammerstone and it wouldn’t shock me to see him win the title given where they might be going with the Aztec Underground. The match wasn’t great but it did what it was supposed to do so well done on that front.

Bu Ku Dao is still down and his match with TJP might be off.

Video on Calvin Tankman, who is coming for the World Title.

It’s off to the Never Say Never Control Center, with Jordan Oliver vs. Richard Holliday and Myron Reed vs. Daivari being added.

Mads Krugger promises to end Alex Hammerstone. I think he does at least as the audio was hard to understand.

Tom Lawlor is ready to beat up the Von Erichs and ACH in a chain match next week. Simple and to the point here.

Tag Team Titles: Injustice vs. Los Parks vs. Contra

Los Parks are defending, anything goes and it’s Daivari/Simon Gotch for Contra. The fight is on before the champs get to the ring but LA Park is out in a hurry to swing the chair. The violence is on fast with all of the usual greatest hits of weapons making appearances. We settle down to Reed kicking Daivari in the face for two but Hijo chairs Reed in the head. The champs lay Oliver out but everyone is pulled outside to keep up the violence.

The Parks get to double team Gotch this time though, including Park hammering away at Gotch’s head. Back up and Park wins a slugout with Gotch with a kick to the face and a poke to the eye. Park’s dance sets up the Octopus but Oliver wastes no time in making a save. Oliver hits the big dive onto the Parks but Hijo is back up with a dive onto Daivari. Park spears Gotch to retain the titles at 6:45.

Rating: C. It was another crazy brawl, which is probably designed to protect the Parks. They didn’t stop with the action, but the match felt completely thrown together, which is not the best way to go. There were some nice dives but this didn’t feel special in any way as it came off more like putting a title match on the show for the sake of having a title match.

Overall Rating: C. That’s your standard Fusion: nothing too bad, nothing too good, nothing too memorable. The only difference is this one was about ten minutes shorter, which is hardly the highest level of praise. Never Say Never needs to be good or at least have something big go down, because the promotion feels so lifeless these days and it is showing badly.

 

 

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