Monday Night Raw
Date: September 30, 1996
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,923
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Kevin Kelly

Things got stupid last week as Jim Ross brought back the fake Razor Ramon, which makes me wonder how long it’s going to be before we meet the fake Diesel. Thankfully we have something a bit more interesting, with Undertaker and Mankind set for a Buried Alive match next month. That should work well so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at the return of Razor Ramon.

Opening sequence.

Steve Austin vs. Jake Roberts

Jerry Lawler has a mini bottle of booze for Roberts as this is still going. Roberts drives him into the corner to start and then does it again, where Austin gets in a shot to the face. Austin’s headlock is countered with a shot to the face and he bails out to the floor. Back in and the threat of a DDT sends Austin right back to the floor, leaving Roberts to go after Lawler. Roberts cuts off a cheap shot from Austin, who takes over without much trouble back inside.

Austin slowly hammers away, including some driving shoulders in the corner. Roberts’ comeback is cut off rather quickly and a kick to the face gives Austin two. We take a break and come back with Roberts sending him into various buckles. Austin gets crotched on top but the DDT is blocked.

Austin gets two off a rollup with feet on the ropes, only for the DDT to get the same thanks to one of the same feet being on the ropes. Lawler takes some of the booze and spits it into Roberts’ face, which is enough for the Austin to hit the Stunner (minus the kick to the ribs) for the pin at 12:14.

Rating: C. My goodness how long is this Lawler vs. Roberts feud supposed to go? Roberts isn’t even talking to keep the feud going and Lawler already beat him once. It’s one of those feuds that just keeps going for whatever reason and that’s not a good sign. At least Austin got to win and feels important, even while being momentarily associated with this.

Post match Austin and Lawler beat on Roberts but Savio Vega runs in with a strap for the save.

Mankind is digging a grave as Paul Bearer approves.

Here is a ticked of Hunter Hearst Helmsley to call out Mr. Perfect for a fight. More on this later I guess.

Godwinns vs. Grimm Twins

The Twins are better known as the Harris Brothers and Hunter Hearst Helmsley is on commentary. Jason clotheslines Phineas down to start but Phineas is right back with a clothesline of his own. Jared comes in and gets shouldered by Henry and we go split screen with Mr. Perfect, who accepts the challenge. He’ll even give Helmsley a few weeks to get in shape. Jared is back with a quickly broken chinlock as Henry fights up and hits a clothesline. Phineas comes in and cleans house, including reversing a side slam into a Slop Drop for the pin at 4:24.

Rating: C. Pretty standard ordeal from the tag division at this point, with something else getting the focus while a boring match breaks out. There’s no reason to care about what the Godwinns are doing because they’re such one note characters that the interest doesn’t last long. Other than that, the Grimm Twins could have been find as a monster team, as it isn’t like they needed any kind of a gimmick to make their act work.

Remember how last week it was revealed that Jeff Jarrett didn’t sing over a year ago? It was really the Roadie singing and his name is Jesse Jammes. This is a thing that was seen as worthy of television time.

Razor Ramon vs. Savio Vega

Jim Ross explains that he never said Scott Hall would be here so he wasn’t lying. Gorilla Monsoon is on commentary to get on Ross for the whole thing as Ramon takes over in the corner. Ross and Monsoon get in an argument over whether this is really Razor Ramon when it’s not Scott Hall, with Ross saying he wasn’t going to bring Kevin Nash back either. Monsoon thinks it’s an embarrassment, sending Ross going into a rant about how embarrassing it was when he got fired.

Ramon works on the arm but Vega fights out of the armbar. A clothesline cuts him off as Dok Hendrix joins us, saying he’ll be trying to get an interview with Diesel. Ramon misses an elbow as Ross is still going on about being fired. Hendrix can’t find Diesel and we take a break. We come back with Ramon working on a chinlock as Ross WILL NOT SHUT UP about how great he is at his job. Apparently he is NOT responsible for stupid things like Doink, but here is Diesel to low bridge Vega to the floor for the DQ at 9:27.

Rating: D. So not only did they actually continue this story, but they actually gave it almost ten minutes of television time. That’s where the next big problem comes in, as Bognar is rather terrible in the ring. The real Ramon was talented and had a natural charisma to him that couldn’t be faked and that was obvious here, as the fake version was a disaster. And then fake Diesel, who at least looks a bit like the real thing (from behind at a distance if you squint), comes in for the DQ. Because they need to keep this story going as it’s just getting started you see.

Post match Ramon and Diesel wreck Vega. Ross: “Now the WWE knows how it feels to be embarrassed!” This is earning every single bit of its terrible reputation.

Undertaker promises to dig Mankind’s grave and bury him alive.

Faarooq and Sunny have split. Can he split from the gladiator gear too?

Jim Cornette/Vader vs. Jose Lothario/Shawn Michaels

Michaels and Vader start things off as Ross is still complaining about things with Diesel. Michaels slugs away but gets dropped with a single shot to the face. The running splash in the corner crushes Michaels as Lawler wants to beat on him…with a hammer. Well that’s violent. The powerbomb is countered with a hurricanrana and Michaels hammers away, setting up a top rope seated senton.

Vader sends him outside in a heap though and that means it’s time to pose. Back in and Vader runs him over a few times so it’s off to Cornette. That takes too long though and it’s off to Lothario, who drops Cornette with a single right hand. Vader comes in and goes after Lothario so Michaels comes back in to take over. The top rope elbow connects but Vader drops him again with a hard clothesline.

We take a break and come back with Vader thinking about the moonsault but trying the Vader Bomb instead, allowing Michaels to get his feet up. Michaels manages a slam but tries it again and goes down, allowing Vader to hit the powerbomb. The Vader Bomb gives Vader the pin at 9:31.

Rating: C+. Maybe it’s just how uninteresting or bad everything else has been, but I will absolutely take this for what it was worth. This was a simple story of the monster heel going after the champion and the managers being in there for their side feud. It’s not something embarrassing and it’s not something that makes me wonder why I’m wasting my time watching the whole thing. I’ll take that after everything else as as this is easily the best thing on the show.

Post match Vader goes after Michaels again but Sycho Sid runs in for the save. Goldust (facing Sid next week) runs in as well and it’s a big brawl to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped a bit but at the same time, this show was focused on one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen on Raw. As is often the case for this period, it’s Shawn Michaels and just about no one else, with the tease of Undertaker vs. Mankind in a big gimmick match only having so much steam. Just stop doing stupid stuff and be amazed at how much better these shows can be.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 23, 1996
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,923
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Kevin Kelly

We’re done with Mind Games and the only thing that mattered at the show was the instant classic main event, with Shawn Michaels retaining the WWF Title over Mankind. Other than that, the big story here is Jim Ross promising that Razor Ramon and Diesel will be here. However, Gorilla Monsoon made it clear that it will NOT be Kevin Nash and Diesel. Nothing good can come from this so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a quick still of Razor Ramon and Diesel attacking Savio Vega at Mind Games.

Intercontinental Title: Marc Mero vs. Faarooq

For the vacant title, Sable is here with Mero, Sunny is here with Faarooq, Mr. Perfect is on commentary and Pat Patterson is guest referee. Faarooq jumps him to start fast but Mero is right back up with a dropkick. A clothesline puts Faarooq on the floor and the big running flip dive takes him down again. Back in and the Merosault gets two but Faarooq knocks him off into the barricade.

Ahmed Johnson calls in to swear vengeance on Faarooq, who gets two off a powerslam. A super fall away slam gets two more on Mero and Sunny gets in a choke, which is enough for an ejection. We take a break and come back with Mero reversing a Dominator attempt into a backslide for two of his own. Faarooq pulls him into a chinlock before going more simple with a knee to the ribs. The chinlock goes on again as Jim Ross promises to EXPOSE JEFF JARRETT tonight. I’ll spare you the obvious jokes as Ross again promises Diesel and Razor Ramon.

Mero’s comeback doesn’t work but he catches Faarooq on top with a super hurricanrana. A double clothesline leaves both of them down, with Ross explaining that the one with the more body weight, will have the advantage due to their clothesline being harder. That makes sense. Sunny comes back out and gets in a fight with Sable, allowing Mero to grab Sunny’s purse. A shot to the head sets up the Wild Thing for the pin and the title at 14:51.

Rating: C+. As has been the case throughout this tournament, Mero’s stuff was good while Faarooq was just dull. The idea was that Faarooq thought the title was his from the start so he was a big arrogant, which allowed Mero to slip in and win. The Wild Thing looked good as always, and unlike at Summerslam, it actually won a match.

Post match Mable thanks Sable and Mr. Perfect.

Razor Ramon and Diesel have their own dressing room.

We look back at Shawn Michaels beating Jeff Jarrett last July at In Your House. That same night, Jarrett sang a song….or did he?

Marc Mero celebrates with a bunch of other wrestlers.

We look at Jeff Jarrett allegedly singing at In Your House (again, last July) but then he left before finding out that he wasn’t really singing. Next week, the REAL singer will be here.

British Bulldog/Owen Hart vs. Bodydonnas

Non-title and Clarence Mason is on commentary. Hart runs Zip over to start and gets a front facelock…and we pause because “a local Philadelphia wrestling outfit” gets a wrestler over the barricade with a SABU FEARS TAZ sign (yes it’s Taz). We take a break and come back with Skip hammerlocking Bulldog, who breaks out of it rather quickly. A headscissors drops Hart but Skip misses a spinning crossbody.

Jim Cornette pops up in a split screen to rant about Mason stealing his team (which he did last night with a sneaky contract). After those promises of revenge, Zip hits a gutwrench powerbomb and a rocket launcher gets two on Hart. That doesn’t seem to do much as Hart is right back with a Sharpshooter to make Skip give up at 7:52.

Rating: C. As usual, the match was somewhat ignored to talk about something else. That’s not a good way to go, but at least in this case it was related to what was going on. Cornette vs. Mason is hardly thrilling stuff, though it’s not like the WWF has much else to brag about at the moment. Hart and Bulldog feel like good champions though, and that is something the division could always use.

We look at some stills of Mankind vs. Shawn Michaels, with Undertaker popping out of the coffin in a great moment.

Undertaker is back but promises that the scar of betrayal will never go away. Last night, Mankind and Paul Bearer saw what he will do and now he will bury Mankind alive. At Buried Alive.

Dok Hendrix is thrown out of Razor Ramon and Diesel’s dressing room, with Jim Ross saying that is HIS interview.

The Stalker vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Steve Austin is on commentary and rants about Bret Hart. Stalker starts in on the arm and grabs a hammerlock slam. Helmsley gets in a kick to the ribs and sends him outside as Mr. Perfect comes out to watch. Stalker manages a belly to back suplex and we take a fairly early break.

We come back with Helmsley hammering away in the corner and grabbing a chinlock. Stalker gets up and hits a hard clothesline, followed by a slightly delayed suplex. Perfect manages to steal Helmsley’s valet (again) and the distraction lets Stalker hit the superplex for the pin at 11:18.

Rating: C-. Yeah Stalker isn’t exactly working, and what else were they expecting? Barry Windham can wrestle with anyone, but he’s in some weird hunter deal and it’s not working in the slightest. Again: just let him be himself and see if he can get over. It’s better than this dead end gimmick that isn’t helping him whatsoever.

Jim Ross is in the ring for the Razor Ramon/Diesel return but we cut to Mankind and Paul Bearer in the graveyard, saying they’re in for the Buried Alive match. They don’t see it going well for Undertaker.

Back in the ring and….hold on as we need to take a break.

Post break, Ross goes on a rant about how he has no loyalty to this company because he is only loyal to himself. Toss left a job with the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons but came here and he was given a toga to wear at Wrestlemania IX. Then he carried the 1993 King Of The Ring but he was taken off television.

He came down with a condition of Bell’s Palsy and Vince McMahon fired him. Ross wasn’t sure how to tell his family about it, but then they called him back to work in the front office for fifty cents on the dollar. He’s been in charge of bring in various wrestlers and that’s what he’s going to do now, with Razor Ramon.

We go to a wide shot and you can already tell that it’s not Hall (which granted is what they said last week) but rather independent name Rick Bognar, who looks a bit like Ramon, but more like someone doing a Ramon impression. The fans boo and commentary asks if Ross is trying to embarrass the WWF (no, as that would be whomever booked this). Savio Vega runs in to take out Ramon to end the show.

There is so much wrong with this, I don’t know where to start. First of all, it’s dumb. Like, incredibly dumb. The point here is that Ross was mad about being fired and disrespected so he’s apparently trying to embarrass the company by bringing in a pair of “lookalikes” to annoy the fans. As dumb as that is, it doesn’t quite work when he just revealed/reminded us that Vince McMahon owns the company, but he still allowed this on his show. How is it embarrassing if it was allowed?

On top of that (maybe) is the fact that it’s not interesting. As has been the case for years, fans don’t seem overly impressed by storylines involving announcers. Why should I care that Ross is mad at McMahon for what he did to him a few years ago? Ross is calling Raw and apparently helping with the roster. That’s all I really need to know, because otherwise…well, who cares? In addition to this just being dumb, it’s not a story that I would want to see, which is where it continues to fall apart.

Having Ross out there ranting and raving about behind the scenes stuff was dumb enough, but then to have him do something he knew was bad to embarrass his employers was even dumber. So he’s just been sitting there harboring all of these issues for years and this is his master plan? It’s a terrible story with a worse premise and an all time bad payoff, but I’m sure this will be it and it won’t be something that just keeps going.

Overall Rating: D+. The wrestling itself is ok at best, but then everything falls apart. On top of all that though, you have the Ross story and wow it’s actually worse than I remember. It’s not funny, it’s not interesting and it’s about a bunch of stuff that no one but the people involved are likely to care about. This is what they were putting up against the NWO and it’s no wonder everything was falling apart.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 16, 1996
Location: Wheeling Civic Center, Wheeling, West Virginia
Attendance: 4,903
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the last Raw before Mind Games and the big story is of course Mankind challenging Shawn Michaels for the WWF Title. Other than that, Goldust and the Undertaker are having a Final Curtain match, which doesn’t sound overly interesting. Finally there’s the Intercontinental Title tournament, which is only so special in the first place. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at the tournament, with the semifinals tonight. Plus Razor Ramon, Diesel and Bret Hart might be returning.

Opening sequence.

Jake Roberts chases Jerry Lawler off commentary to start really fast.

Jake Roberts vs. The Sultan

This is Sultan’s debut and he has Bob Backlund and Iron Sheik with him. Backlund sits in on commentary and praises Sultan and Sheik but doesn’t want to be bothered tonight. Sultan hammers away in the corner and the threat of a DDT is quickly escaped. Roberts keeps glaring at Lawler though, leaving Lawler to suggest Roberts is drunk. Lawler offers another distraction though and Sultan gets the camel clutch for the win at 3:05.

Rating: D+. The Roberts vs. Lawler feud is pretty horrible to say the least and that’s not just due to the pretty horrible subject matter. At the same time, you have the Sultan, who would have felt dated fifteen years before this, coming in and having a dull match. As usual, it doesn’t help to see someone’s debut lose its focus to another feud, which should tell you what to expect from the Sultan.

Post match Backlund is in a bit of a trance at the sight of the camel clutch.

Owen Hart, Brian Pillman, and now Steve Austin are looking forward to Bret Hart’s return at Mind Games. Jim Ross thinks something is afoot.

Bob Holly/Alex Porteau vs. Smoking Gunns

Non-title and Sunny is here with the Gunns. Billy gets knocked outside to start as Camp Cornette comes out to watch. Bart cuts off Porteau with a raised boot in the corner as commentary, again, talks about everything they can think of outside of the match. Bart knocks Porteau down again but pulls him up at two before handing it back to Billy. Camp Cornette’s distraction lets Porteau get a small package for two and it’s back to Holly to clean house. That’s cut off and the Sidewinder connects but Camp Cornette offers a distraction. Holly rolls Billy up for the fluke pin at 5:47.

Rating: C. This was more about advancing Camp Cornette vs. the Gunns and that’s not a terrible idea. I’m not sure which of the two I’m supposed to cheer for, but Holly and Porteau stealing a fluke win is a good way to give the title feud some more steam. It’s not like Holly and Porteau are going to mean anything, but I’ll take this for a little change of pace.

WWF President Gorilla Monsoon makes it clear that Kevin Nash and Scott Hall will NOT be here next week because they are under contract to another company. That sounds like covering themselves from a potential lawsuit.

Here is Jim Cornette, with Vader, for a public workout before hit match against Jose Lothario. Vader has been coaching him recently so he has wrestler Tony Williams here for an exhibition. Cornette does some basic stuff but Williams keeps reversing them and even works on the leg. That’s enough for Cornette to send Vader after him and Williams gets tied up in the ropes for yelling and slapping. You knew what this was going to be.

Intercontinental Title Tournament Semifinals: Owen Hart vs. Marc Mero

Sable is here with Mero and Pat Patterson (who will be refereeing the finals) is on commentary. Patterson also confirms that Razor Ramon and Diesel will be here next week. Mero starts in on the arm and gets Hart down into an armbar. That works so well that Mero does it again but Hart fights out and hits a spinwheel kick. The chinlock keeps Mero down as Gorilla Monsoon pops in to again say that Jim Ross is wrong and that Kevin Nash and Scott Hall will NOT be here next week. Ross insists that he’s right and that Razor Ramon and Diesel (note the difference) will be here next week.

Hart knocks him down again and we hit another chinlock. This time Mero suplexes his way to freedom but Hart knocks him outside. Ross goes on a rant about how Hart’s wrist is fine and the cast he has been wearing is completely unnecessary as we take a break. We come back with Mero fighting back, including sending Hart outside for a running flip dive. Back up and they collide so Hart takes the cast off to knock Mero silly…for two. Hart argues with the referee, allowing Mero to get in a cast shot of his own for the pin at 9:26.

Rating: C+. The match was what you would have expected from these two and Mero gets a win (albeit a screwy one, with the referee again somehow not seeing the obvious shot), but the commentary brought it back down. This stuff with Ross about Ramon and Diesel is killing the show, as not only is it not that interesting, but Ross’ rants are derailing everything going on. Just shut up about it already and save that nonsense for in between the matches, because otherwise it’s one heck of a distraction.

We look at the recent tour of South Africa. During the tour, Bret Hart wrestled what might have been his final match and he calls Brian Pillman and Owen Hart liars because he has not agreed to be at Mind Games. He isn’t sure about his future in the WWF and he hasn’t made up his mind yet.

Intercontinental Title Tournament Semifinals: Sycho Sid vs. Faarooq

Sunny is here with Faarooq, who actually knocks Sid down to start. A powerslam does it again but Sid is right back up with a knockdown of his own. Faarooq gets a belly to back suplex for two and we go to a split screen to hear Ahmed Johnson swear revenge when he gets back. The chinlock goes on as Jim Ross is STILL going on about Razor Ramon and Diesel being here next week.

Faarooq goes up but dives into a powerslam for two, leaving both of them down. Faarooq misses a sitdown splash to the back and we take a break. We come back with Sid slipping out of the Dominator and hitting a chokeslam. That’s enough for Sunny to get on the apron for a distraction, allowing Faarooq to chair Sid down for two. Sid gets up and chairs Faarooq in the back so hard that he knocks him four feet across the ring (by that I mean there was a REALLY obvious edit and yeah apparently this was filmed twice) for the DQ at 10:29.

Rating: D+. There’s only so much you can get out of these two and that was fairly obvious coming in. Faarooq gets to go on to the finals, where he kind of had to be for the sake of the story, and Sid gets an out without losing before he goes into the main event scene in a few more weeks. Not a good match, but it was all they could have done.

Undertaker swears vengeance on Goldust but it’s just a stop on the way to Mankind and Paul Bearer.

We run down the Mind Games card.

Mankind and Paul Bearer are ready for Shawn Michaels. That will make Mankind the new sexy boy and women will want to rub his ear!

Overall Rating: D+. The tournament stuff is dull enough, but the bigger issue here is this Razor Ramon/Diesel nonsense, as it’s dragging down everything around it. Ross as a heel isn’t something that adds any positives to the show, especially when you already have Lawler as a heel commentator. As bad as it already is though, it’s only going to get worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

This is not the best time for the WWF as the company has been dealing with the NWO for the last month and a half. Shawn Michaels is doing as much as he can and is doing it again here as he defends the WWF Title against Vader in the main event. Other than that though, we have a Boiler Room Brawl between the Undertaker and Mankind. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

We’ll throw in a bonus here for a somewhat infamous match. Austin hammers away to start and gets knocked down without much trouble. A Samoan drop and legdrop put Austin down and the Banzai Drop is loaded up….but the ropes break and Yokozuna falls down, allowing Austin to get the fast pin at 1:53. Well that got the point across. Vince: “HE IS SO HEAVY!” Yeah that.

The opening video looks at the two main events, which is about fighting the monsters of Mankind and Vader. Makes sense.

Commentary previews the show and a fan actually comes up asking Perfect for an autograph, which he shoves off without saying a word. Even Vince seems to glare at the guy a bit.

Savio Vega vs. Owen Hart

Hart has a cast on his left wrist, with Vince and JR questioning how slowly it has healed. Feeling out process to start with neither getting very far, though the referee does threaten Hart for using the cast. Vega leapfrogs him and sends the cast into various buckles, followed by an armbar.

We cut to the back where Jim Cornette (Hart’s manager) is helping Vader warm up as Vega stays on the arm. There are some fans loudly chanting for Owen, though Vega taking him down by the arm quiets them down a bit. Hart gets up and manages to send him shoulder first into the corner, allowing the stomping to ensue. Vega gets caught in an armbar for a change before Hart switches into an armbar from a different angle for a change of pace. A bite to the leg of all things gets Vega out so Hart ties the arm up in the ropes and slaps him in the face.

Cue Clarence Mason (Jim Cornette’s lawyer) to watch as Vega misses a spinwheel kick but hits a crossbody for two. Back up and Hart’s enziguri connects as Mason is playing cheerleader. Hart’s rollup with feet on the ropes gets two, as does Vega’s rollup. Vega gets up a spinning kick to the face in the corner and a legdrop gets two.

Hart is right back with a kick of his own, followed by a missile dropkick for two of his own. It’s time to go up again but this time Hart gets crotched, setting up a belly to back superplex. Vega seems to land on the cast though, allowing Hart to take it off and knock Vega cold. Somehow the referee didn’t see it, despite it being right in front of his face, and the Sharpshooter goes on to give Hart the win at 13:25.

Rating: C+. Fine enough opener as Hart is always worth a look, though Vega was reaching the end of his usefulness by this point. There’s nothing wrong with having two faster paced guys getting out there to start the show, though trimming a few minutes off here wouldn’t have hurt either. The cast shot at the end didn’t do it any favors either, as there was no reason to believe the referee didn’t see it.

Post match here is Justin Hawk Bradshaw to yell about Vega, who Bradshaw wants to send back to “that island”. Bradshaw gets in a cheap shot on Vega in the aisle to leave him laying again.

Todd Pettingill is scared of being in the boiler room, where he runs into Mankind, who insists that there is no place like home. Undertaker can come in, but beware that he will be seeing a fate worse than death. Mankind licks a pipe.

Tag Team Titles: New Rockers vs. Smoking Gunns vs. Godwinns vs. Bodydonnas

The Gunns, with Sunny, are defending with elimination rules. Skip (of the Bodydonnas) has a neck brace due to a fractured vertebrae. Meanwhile, the Godwinns have Hillbilly Jim, a pig and a basset hound, because Vince McMahon had a thing for hillbillies. Billy and Henry start things off with Henry running him over with a shoulder. A clothesline does it as well and Phineas comes in to throw Zip around.

Billy wants the people to sit down and shut up…so Phineas and Zip tag in both Gunns. Sunny panics as commentary talks about how they have to make contact. This is then proven wrong as Bart tags out to Zip without any issue. Zip takes over on Billy but Jannetty trips Zip down for the pin at 4:03 (likely due to Skip’s injury).

It’s back to Henry to work on Billy’s arm but Cassidy (Al Snow) gets in a cheap shot from the apron to cut Henry down. This means a Partridge Family reference, because the New Rockers are big into that 60s music scene. The Rockers and Gunns start double teamming the Godwinns until some heel miscommunication breaks that down. The Godwinns are fine with going after both of them and we get some double noggin knockers. A quick Slop Drop gets rid of the Rockers at 7:21 and we’re down to two.

Bart hammers on Henry, who is back with a heck of a clothesline to leave both of them down. It’s too far for the tag though and Billy comes in to yell a lot, much to Sunny’s appreciation. Henry gets back with an atomic drop and a World’s Strongest Slam, which is enough for the tag back to Phineas. Everything breaks down and Henry Cactus Clotheslines Bart out to the floor. Phineas hits the Slop Drop on Billy but Bart comes off the top with an ax handle, allowing Billy to steal the pin at 12:21.

Rating: D+. The word that comes to mind here is lifeless. This was a bunch of people going out there and doing their moves to each other until one of them got the win. It wasn’t exciting, it wasn’t interesting and the fans didn’t seem to care. The tag division was such a dead zone around this time and this was a perfect example of why. There was just nothing here and it showed very, very badly.

Post match Sunny brags about the Gunns and unveils a huge poster of herself, her favorite subject.

We look at the WWF taking over Cleveland in recent days. This involves a train racing a carriage to show the fastest way to the arena. Believe it or not, the train wins. Then Jerry Lawler went to a Cleveland Indians practice and tried to learn the spitball. One of the players offered to teach him in exchange for a piledriver. Some wrestlers also helped paint over some graffiti in a nice moment. To top it off, Undertaker and Paul Bearer gave away…a funeral?

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

No Cornette for Bulldog either but Mason is here again. In the back, Sid is glad the fans seem to like him since he came back and is ready to fight. As usual, Sid has the weirdest charisma and it carried him so far. Sid starts fairly fast with a slam to send Bulldog outside, leaving the fans to give us a LET’S GO SID chant. Back in and Sid grabs a headlock but Bulldog fights out and hits the rather impressive delayed vertical suplex.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Cornette clotheslines him to the floor. Cornette is at least watching the match in the back as Vader warms up (he’s been at it for forty minutes now) and Bulldog drapes him ribs first over the top. The chinlock goes on again but Sid is up rather quickly. A charge misses in the corner though and Bulldog nails the running powerslam. Cue Cornette to yell at Mason though and the distraction means no cover. Another powerslam is loaded up but Sid escapes and hits the chokeslam. The powerbomb gives Sid the pin at 6:26.

Rating: C. Sid was always good for an acceptable enough power match and that’s about what we got here. The bigger deal is between Cornette and Mason, which is about as interesting as you would imagine. That’s a big part of why the company was losing to WCW and it would get even worse: yes WCW had the NWO, but look at what the WWF was using to counter. This was fine, but it’s not like it was anything that you would remember in an hour or so.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

Goldust has Marlena with him but has an eye for Sable, who is here with Mero. Before the match, Mero talks about not liking the attention Mankind has been giving Sable and promises to make Goldust a falling star. Goldust does his crawling thing to start but Mero isn’t having any of that and knocks him into the corner. A drop toehold into an armbar has Goldust in trouble and Marlena doesn’t seem to care in the slightest.

Commentary talks about Ahmed Johnson’s (latest) injury as Mero works on the arm even more. Goldust fights back and knocks him to the apron, followed by into the barricade in a variety of ways. Cue Mankind to call Sable “Mommy”, get fairly close to her, and then leave. Goldust’s chinlock and clothesline get two but Mero fights up and makes the comeback.

An atomic drop and left hands rock Goldust and Mero leverages him outside. Back in and a slingshot legdrop sets up the debuting Wild Thing (shooting star press)…but Marlena has the referee. The delay lets Goldust kick out, which is amazingly stupid given how they just debuted that kind of a move. A powerslam gives Mero two more but Goldust is back with a quick Curtain Call for the win at 11:01.

Rating: C+. This could have been a lot worse, but the kickout of the Wild Thing was ridiculous. Again: if they want someone or something to get over, stop having it be used in the middle of a match to next to no impact. If you want Goldust to win then fine, but don’t cut the legs off of Mero’s awesome new move in the process. That doesn’t help him at all and the result could have been the same without that boneheaded decision.

Post match Goldust goes after Sable but Mero makes the save.

We look at Intercontinental Champion Ahmed Johnson winning a battle royal to earn a title shot the night after Summerslam on Raw but he was already hurt and then got in a fight with Faarooq. He had a ruptured kidney and as a result, his title is vacant. His future isn’t clear, but he’ll be out for a few months at least. There will be a tournament for the Intercontinental Title and a four man battle royal, consisting of the final four eliminated from the original battle royal, for the title shot. Johnson would return to the ring but he never really recovered.

Here are Sunny and Faarooq, still in the blue gladiator period, for a chat. Faarooq does not like the idea of a tournament because he should be handed the title. Sunny can live with it and promises that Faarooq will win the tournament, because what Sunny wants, she gets. There was no need for this to be on pay per view.

We recap Jake Roberts vs. Jerry Lawler. Roberts was trying to reform his drinking and is now a Christian, with Lawler mocking him endlessly and even pouring alcohol down his throat. Therefore, things are personal.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Newcomer Mark Henry is on commentary and Lawler brings out a bag of his own, ala the one Roberts tends to bring. Lawler reveals a Baltimore Ravens jersey and pennant (the Cleveland Browns left for Baltimore and became the Ravens, which did not sit well with Cleveland fans). He talks about throwing out the first pitch at the Indians game and the team’s manager begging him to sign a contract.

The Ravens’ owners are here too so don’t ask them for an autograph! Lawler goes for the bag and pulls out Roberts’ partners: Jim Beam! He mocks Roberts’ wife and calls out Henry’s lack of Olympic medals. Not that it matters as he would just get his gold medal bronzed. Henry just sits and takes this, as he doesn’t quite get the thinking yet.

Lawler keeps going with his routine until Roberts finally comes out to cut him off. Hold on though as Lawler offers what he has in his bag in exchange for Roberts NOT taking out what he has in his own bag. Lawler offers a huge bottle of booze, which is enough to bring out the big yellow snake to wrap around Lawler and get us going. Lawler heads to the floor and wants the microphone again but Roberts pulls him back inside to start up the beating.

A slam on the floor plants Lawler again and Roberts mocks him over the booze. Back in and Lawler gets in a cheap shot, allowing him to tie Roberts in the ropes. It’s time to get one of the bottles, but Roberts gets out and hits the short arm clothesline. The referee yells at Roberts though and Lawler hits him in the throat with a bottle, allowing him to pull the tights for the pin at 4:09.

Rating: D. Ignoring the fairly off putting subject matter, the match was hardly anything worth seeing either. The ending felt like the same thing as the opener, as again it was hard to believe that the referee didn’t see it. On top of that you had Henry, who had no business being on commentary with that lack of talking ability. How was that not noticed before the match? Just have him come out and do something after if you want to showcase him, but don’t focus on his weaknesses like that.

Post match Roberts points at his throat so Lawler pours Jim Beam down his throat (rumored to have been real whiskey as a rib). Mark Henry makes the save after an all time nothing performance on commentary.

Bob Backlund is in the crowd doing….Bob Backlund things (he’s a weird guy).

We recap Undertaker vs. Mankind. Undertaker was used to facing monsters but the more you beat on Mankind, the more he came back, making him a weird opponent. They’re still fighting though and this time it’s going to be a brawl in the boiler room, also known as a Boiler Room Brawl.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Boiler Room Brawl, meaning they start in the boiler room and the winner is the first to get to the ring and retrieve the urn from Paul Bearer. Undertaker slowly walks into the boiler room and even he looks a bit nervous. This leads to some slow walking around, as Undertaker isn’t sure where he is, giving us almost a slasher movie feel.

Mankind finally sneaks up on him with what looks like a board for a bit shot to the back. A trashcan lid (or something that looks like one) to the head gets Mankind off of him and Undertaker sends him into a metal locker. Mankind is back up to send him throat first into a saw horse and they brawl around a bit more. We get some “technical difficulties”, which is likely code for “an edit” as this half was taped in advance.

Undertaker is sent into a machine but comes back with a pipe to knock a trashcan out of Mankind’s hands. Mankind turns a valve to spray Undertaker with hot steam and they stagger around some more. Undertaker grabs a wooden pallet but Undertaker hits him low with a pipe to cut him off again. A ram into a steel wall drops Undertaker again, allowing Mankind to punch him in the face.

With Undertaker down, Mankind climbs a ladder and drops an elbow onto Undertaker and concrete because he’s kind of insane. Mankind starts going for the door but Undertaker pulls him down and we get more technical difficulties. We come back with Undertaker down on the floor and Mankind climbing a ladder. Undertaker sits up and grabs the ladder, sending Mankind crashing down onto a box (which almost went VERY wrong and could have ended his career).

They fight up towards the door and slug it out until Undertaker blasts him with a fire extinguisher. Undertaker gets out the door but gets pulled back in, with Mankind getting out and slamming the door on him. Mankind manages to get away and close a door, stacking a bunch of stuff in front of it. That’s fine with Undertaker, who breaks the door down and follows Mankind down a hall (where other wrestlers are cheering them on, with even Steve Austin getting a look).

Mankind throws coffee on him and then crawls through the entrance to come into the arena for the first time. Undertaker follows him and they make it to ringside, where WWE has brought in TV’s on carts like we’re in English class in the 90s. I mean we were in the 90s here but not so much with the English class thing. Anyway, Mankind hits a Texas piledriver on the exposed concrete.

That’s not enough to stop Undertaker of course and he pulls Mankind back down and goes inside….but Bearer won’t give him the urn. Instead Mankind comes back in and puts on the Mandible Claw as Bearer starts shining the urn. Bearer slaps and stomps at Undertaker (JR is INCENSED), who tries to crawl over to him. A huge urn shot to the head (CRACK) knocks Undertaker silly and Mankind gets the urn to win at 26:45.

Rating: B. Well it was different and rather violent, which is all you can ask for out something like this. I can definitely get the appeal of this kind of match between two people with their history, but it was so different than anything else that either company was doing. The brawl itself was good, but this was all about Bearer turning on Undertaker, as that was one of the biggest partnerships of the 90s. It was a new world for Undertaker, and that is something he had been needing for a long, long time.

Post match Mankind and Bearer leave so the druids come out and carry Undertaker away. Do they just follow Undertaker around in case he gets beaten up?

Jim Cornette says Vader has proven he can beat Shawn Michaels and tonight, Michaels is going to grabbed by the throat, making him sound like an electric kazoo in a Peter Frampton song. If you need a bizarre reference, go to Cornette.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels, with Jose Lothario, is defending and Jim Cornette is here with Vader. Michaels tries to move around to start so Vader hits him in the ribs and drops him with a hard clothesline. A big boot is blocked though and Michaels sweeps the leg, setting up a basement dropkick. Some kicks to the face rock Vader and Michaels low bridges him out to the floor. A baseball slide drops Vader again and Michaels hits a big dive, giving us an image which went on a lot of highlight reels.

Back in and a top rope ax handle sets up a hurricanrana to put Vader down again. Something like a victory roll sends Vader outside again but the slingshot hurricanrana is countered with a nasty powerbomb onto the floor. Vader throws him back inside for a hard suplex as Michaels is in a lot of trouble. The slow beating continues and a rather big backdrop stays on the back.

The beating is so intense that it has Perfect changing his mind about returning to the ring. Vader drops him again with a hard clothesline before grabbing a head and arm choke. That’s broken up so Vader tries to sit on him, only to be cut off with a low blow. Michaels knocks him down and goes up but has to pull out of the top rope elbow as Vader didn’t move as planned. This sends Michaels into an infamous rant about how Vader screwed up, because Michaels in 1996 would have that kind of tantrum on live television.

Back up and Michaels crossbodies him out to the floor, where Vader gorilla presses him onto the barricade. That’s enough for a countout at 13:53, but Cornette says no way, because Michaels isn’t getting out of it that easy.

Michaels seems to agree so Vader goes after him, with Lothario getting between them. That lets Cornette get in a tennis racket shot and they get back inside, where a belly to belly gives Vader two. Michaels manages the flying forearm though and tries the superkick but Cornette grabs his foot. Cornette throws the tennis racket inside so Michaels takes it away and unloads on Vader (with some great sound effects for the DQ at 17:50.

Hold on though as Cornette says Michaels got disqualified on purpose so let’s keep this going and have a real winner. We keep it going with Michaels grabbing a sunset flip but having to avoid a sitdown splash. Now the top rope elbow can connect and the superkick gives Michaels two. The referee gets bumped so Vader’s powerbomb only gets a delayed two. The Vader Bomb is loaded up but Cornette wants the moonsault. That’s enough for Michaels to hit a moonsault press for the win at 22:19.

Rating: B. I liked the story they were telling here with the idea that Vader was overwhelming Michaels but kept giving him chance after chance to escape. That’s the idea of Michaels just finding a way to escape and eventually survive Vader when he went too far. That being said, the tantrum in the middle is just dumb and makes Michaels look pathetic, which he did so often by himself. Otherwise, good main event.

Also of note, this was originally going to be Vader winning the title and ultimately losing it back to Michaels at the Royal Rumble, but Michaels didn’t want to work with Vader so Sid got the spot instead (hence the December In Your House being called “It’s Time” when Vader had nothing to do with the main event.).

Overall Rating: C+. The two main events carry the show as far as it is going to go. The rest of the show ranges from forgettable to bad, which sums up so much of this time for the WWF. They had some talent around, but it was going to take time before the new generation could take the ball. Granted getting Bret Hart back in a few months would help, but this was not a good time for the company, save for the top of the card. You could certainly see that in this show and not in a good way whatsoever.

Ratings Comparison

Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2025 Redo: N/A

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Original: B+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C+

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas vs. New Rockers vs. Godwinns

Original: B-
2013 Redo: D-
2025 Redo: D+

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D
2013 Redo: D+
2025 Redo: C

Marc Mero vs. Goldust

Original: C+
2013 Redo: D
2025 Redo: C+

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C-
2013 Redo: D
2025 Redo: D

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Original: A-
2013 Redo: B
2025 Redo: B

Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-
2013 Redo: B+
2025 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A
2013 Redo: C
2025 Redo: C+

The other two reviews are a bit all over the place, but that original is as rose colored glasses nostalgia as you can get. My goodness that’s nuts.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Best Of Vader
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bob Caudle, Jesse Ventura, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Mr. Perfect

As tends to be the case with the WWE Vault, the title pretty much speaks for itself. Vader is as much of a monster as you can get and there is something very fun about watching him smash through people. That’s what we’re getting here, and hopefully it lives up to the hype that I’m giving it at the thought of that much Vader. Let’s get to it.

From the 1990 Great American Bash.

Big Van Vader vs. Z-Man

This is Vader’s WCW debut. For some reason the graphic lists Z-Man as Tom Zenk, which was a name used in WCW, but far less frequently than Z-Man. Vader hammers away to start and hits a corner splash. Z-Man fights back but gets caught in a delayed gorilla press. The big elbow and a clothesline set up a splash to finish Z-Man off at 2:17. Total dominance and Vader looks like a monster right out of the gate.

From the 1992 Great American Bash.

WCW World Title: Sting vs. Big Van Vader

Vader, with Harley Race, is challenging after mauling Sting a few months back. They argue a lot to start and Vader takes him into the corner to start hammering away. Back up and Sting hits a clothesline but Vader knocks him down with a single shot, leaving Sting shaken up. We see the backs of Ron Simmons and Tony Schiavone’s heads as they watch (what a weird camera shot) as Vader hammers away again.

Sting manages a quick belly to back suplex though and the comeback is on, with some clotheslines putting Vader on the floor and the place goes NUTS. Dang what a switch from quiet to insane. Back in and Sting makes the mistake of trying a test of strength (with commentary basically saying “you’re an idiot”) but goes to the eyes to cut Vader off and dropkicks Sting out to the apron.

A suplex brings Vader back in for two but he drops Sting with a single shot. The splash connects and Vader stops to pose, allowing JR to say he’s heard bodybuilding isn’t doing so well for the shot at the WBF. Vader drops a big elbow and then chokes, setting up the Scorpion Deathlock on Sting for a change. Jesse thinks it would be something for the champion to submit to his own hold and Vince McMahon’s ears perk up for some reason. That’s broken up so Vader drops him with a clothesline.

Sting manages to fight up with a rolling kick to the head and a DDT but Vader gets up top again. That’s cut off and Sting grabs a fireman’s carry, which he holds for a LONG time (notice his legs shaking) for a Samoan drop and two. The referee gets bumped and Sting gets a bridging German suplex for a delayed near fall. Sting hits a Stinger Splash and goes for another, only to hit his head on the buckle and knock himself silly. Vader gets two but Sting is mostly done. The powerbomb gives Vader the pin and the title at 18:17.

Rating: B-. It wasn’t a squash, but the match left very little in doubt: Vader was the new monster and Sting was going to have to do something special to beat him. That’s the kind of push you do not see happen very often and it worked very well for Vader. It would seem like he was ready to dominate the title scene…but he would lose the belt to Ron Simmons three weeks later.

From Starrcade 1993.

WCW World Title: Vader vs. Ric Flair

Vader, with Harley Race, is defending and this is title vs. career (and we’re in Charlotte). They take their time to start with Flair looking nervous as the fans are totally behind Flair, which shouldn’t be a surprise. The lockup goes to Vader so Flair tries to get the chase going, which is as smart of a move as he has. Back in and Vader wrenches the arm, setting up a hard clothesline.

Schiavone goes into a big rant about how Flair has left Starrcade as champion so many times over the years. Ventura: “None of that matters. It’s 1993 and this is Vader.” Point to Ventura. Vader hammers Flair down and takes him outside for a drop onto the barricade but misses a splash onto said barricade. Flair starts fighting back but Race gets in a cheap shot to cut both he and the crowd off again.

Vader hammers him down again, including a trip to the floor, followed by a big clothesline back inside. A slam plants Flair again but he avoids the middle rope splash for a much needed breather. Three straight top rope shots to the head put Vader down and Flair “hits” his knee drop which never really comes close but oh well. Vader gets in a superplex and Flair is bleeding from the mouth.

More big shots have Flair closer to death and Vader throws him outside. Vader’s splash misses in the corner…but the second connects and Flair is right back down. Flair’s poke to the eye lets him slug away, even managing to put Vader down (that was great). Flair wraps the leg around the post and then hits it with a chair (as in the old plastic kind) as Vader has lost his mask.

More right hands put Vader down on the floor and a chair to the head rocks him again. They get back inside and Flair unloads with more rights and lefts to put both of them down. Flair starts in on the leg but can’t get the Figure Four. The Vader Bomb misses as well and NOW the Figure Four goes on. Vader turns it over and drops Flair again, only to miss the moonsault. Flair covers but rolls away as Race tries a top rope headbutt, which hits Vader. Back up and Flair chops away but Vader runs him over. Flair is fine enough to trip him down and get a rollup (an ugly one but whatever) for the pin and the title at 21:11.

Rating: A. There’s no way around it: this is a classic with Flair rising up one more time to slay the monster that no one (other than Sting) could stop. Flair slugging away and managing to slow Vader down with pure heart and determination has stuck with me since I first saw this match live and it’s still incredible to this day. Outstanding stuff here and one of the best “hero fights the monster” matches you’ll ever see.

From Worldwide, April 30, 1994.

Vader vs. Cactus Jack

Texas Death Match and you knew we’d be seeing Mick on here somewhere. This is basically Last Man Standing, though it being called a “Texas Tornado” match makes it even more confusing. Harley Race is here with Vader too. Jack fights out of the corner to start and slugs away, only for Vader to run him over. Vader hammers away but Jack is back up with a clothesline to the floor.

After dropping Race, Jack grabs a chair to hit Vader in the head but has to backdrop an interfering Race. A flip dive off the apron drops Vader (dang) and they go back inside, where Jack drops a leg. We hit the sleeper but Vader drops back onto Jack for the big nasty crash. A pair of Vader Bombs crush Jack and a middle rope splash gets two, with Heenan losing his mind over why Jack would get up. Another Vader Bomb misses so Race pulls Jack outside for a chair to the face (though only Race falls down). Vader follows and powerbombs him on the floor (with a sickening THUD) for the win at 6:56.

Rating: C+. Well it was starting to get good, but then it just ended with that nasty powerbomb. I’m not sure what the point was in having the match go so short, as it felt like something that should have gotten that much more time. What we got was the intense brawl that these two are known for, but I was expecting something longer than you would see from Tatanka vs. the Brooklyn Brawler on Raw.

From Clash Of The Champions XXIX.

Vader vs. Dustin Rhodes

Harley Race is here with Vader, who powers Rhodes into the corner to start. As usual, Vader starts hammering away to take over without much trouble. Another shot to the face ticks Rhodes off and he SPEARS VADER DOWN to blow the roof off the place. Rhodes slaps away and comes back with a running crossbody for two. A clothesline sends Vader to the floor and Rhodes follows to keep hammering away.

Rhodes takes Race out and they go back inside, where Vader gets pounded down again. Vader hits the standing body block to take over again, meaning it’s time to pummel away in the corner. Rhodes gets in a shot of his own and avoids the sitdown splash. The bulldog is loaded up but Vader picks him up and LAUNCHES HIM over the top to the floor. Back in and the Vader Bomb gets two, with Vader hitting him in the face for daring to kick out. Vader just pummels him down again, but Rhodes starts waving his arm (ala Dusty, and we’re in Florida).

Rhodes catches him coming off the top in a powerslam (Vader loved that spot and it looked great no matter who did it) and the comeback is on. Rhodes slgs away and elbwos him in the head, with a clothesline knocking Vader into the ropes. The top rope clothesline drops Vader and a middle rope DDT gives Rhodes two. The bulldog connects but Race comes in, allowing Vader to deck Rhodes from behind. A wheelbarrow faceplant (OUCH) knocks Rhodes silly to give Vader the pin at 11:49.

Rating: B+. Sweet goodness this was a fight, with the crowd’s reaction to that takedown being insane. One of the traditions with Vader is that the best way to fight him is to hit him in the mouth and that’s what Rhodes did here. The problem is that Vader hits back, and that’s what we saw here in one heck of a slugout. The ending alone was awesome, as Vader absolutely planted him. Great fight here and one of Rhodes’ best matches ever.

Post match another Vader Bomb is loaded up but Jim Duggan comes in for the save. In theory that leads us into….

From Monday Night Raw, January 22, 1996 (I had the intro for the Vader vs. Duggan US Title match at Starrcade 1994 ready to go. That’s a rare miss from the Vault.).

Vader vs. Savio Vega

Vader, with Jim Cornette, is freshly debuted and this is his first match on Raw. As usual, Vader hammers him down in the corner then does it again for a bonus. The running splash misses though and Vega strikes away, with a superkick putting Vader on the floor. That’s fine with Vader, who drops Vega onto the barricade. Back in and the corner splash connects, setting up the Vader Bomb for the pin at 2:58. Pretty much a squash.

Post match Vader puts him down again for a second Vader Bomb. The referee tries to break it up and gets beaten up as well, with Lawler knowing that’s a bad idea. Another referee comes in and gets powerbombed so here is Interim President Gorilla Monsoon to yell at Vader. Cornette tries to back Vader off as Monsoon announces that Vader is suspended indefinitely.

Vader shoves Cornette away and goes face to face with Monsoon again, with Monsoon pointing a finger in his face. Vader slaps Monsoon on the back so Monsoon chops away (marking the first time he had gotten physical in almost fifteen years). That’s too far for Vader, who splashes Monsoon in the corner, setting up the Vader Bomb. Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon make the save. As someone who grew up watching Monsoon as a commentator, this was INSANE. Monsoon wasn’t going to be able to wrestle again, but my goodness the heat would have been off the charts if he could have pulled it off.

From Summerslam 1996.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader, with Jim Cornette, is challenging while Jose Lothario is here with Michaels (who was sick of him by this point and wanting the whole thing to end). Vader starts fast by hammering away and knocks him down without much effort. Michaels kicks away to put Vader down and hits him in the face a few times, followed by a low bridge to the floor. The big dive takes Vader out again (that was on a lot of highlight reels) and Michaels scores with a double ax handle back inside.

A headscissors sends Vader outside so Michaels tries a slingshot version, only to get countered into a heck of a powerbomb. Vader picks him up on one shoulder and carries him back inside, where it’s time to unload in the corner. Michaels gets tossed outside and then backdropped inside as Vader stays on the back. A hard clothesline cuts off Michaels’ comeback attempt and Vader plants him with kind of a reverse Jackknife.

We hit the head and arm clutch to put Michaels on his knees but he fights out and hits some running shots of his own. Vader tries to sit on him but gets low blowed, allowing Michaels to go up. The big elbow…doesn’t quite work as Michaels pulls up in the air, as Vader didn’t move as planned. This results in Michaels kicking him in the head and berating him, all because the spot didn’t work, which ONLY the people in the match would know about, making Michaels look like a whiny brat. They crash out to the floor and Michaels is dropped onto the barricade for a countout at 13:51.

Hold on though as Cornette says not that way and begs Michaels to come back because they want the title. Michaels eventually comes back like a moron and gets beaten down again, including a racket shot from Cornette. A belly to belly gives Vader two but Michaels fights out of a powerbomb. Michaels makes the comeback and loads up the superkick but Cornette tries to grab him. Instead Michaels takes the racket away and wacks Vader (with a great THUD sound) for the DQ at 17:49.

Cornette calls Michaels a coward who knew he couldn’t beat Vader and wants to restart this again. Works for Michaels so we starts it again, with Vader missing a sitdown splash. Michaels hits the forearm and NOW the top rope elbow connects (good, maybe Michaels can be happy).

Sweet Chin Music gets two but the referee gets knocked to the floor. Vader hits a powerbomb for two from a second referee and Cornette is losing his mind on their near falls. The Vader bomb is loaded up but Cornette wants the moonsault, despite Michaels being very close to the corner (it would have hit anyway, which is impressive). Michaels hits a moonsault press to retain at 22:19.

Rating: B-. That tantrum in the middle manages to bring down what is an otherwise awesome match, as Michaels kept surviving one way or another until he caught Vader making a mistake. That’s one of the recurring themes with Vader, as pretty much no one could hang with him one on one, but they could tire him out or eventually catch him screwing up. Michaels knows how to do this match in his sleep, but alas he had to go over the edge.

Also of note, this was originally going to be Vader winning the title and ultimately losing it back to Michaels at the Royal Rumble, but Michaels didn’t want to work with Vader so Sid got the spot instead (hence the December In Your House being called “It’s Time” when Vader had nothing to do with the main event.).

From In Your House XIII: Final Four.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Bret Hart vs. Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

For the vacant title and it’s elimination rules, with pinfall, submission or over the top for a unique setup. Vader has Paul Bearer for one last manager. After a quick interview from Hart, who knows these people are all tough and that the winner will deserve the title, we’re ready to go. Undertaker drops Vader to start before pulling Hart off of Austin. Vader is back up with a belly to belly and takes Undertaker outside (not out, despite Lawler thinking they were).

A chair only hits post so Vader puts Undertaker against the post and hammers away again. Back up and Undertaker boots the chair into Vader’s face (ignore Vader blading) as Austin elbows Hart down for two inside. Vader (bleeding from the eye) gets back inside to hammer on Undertaker some more as Austin jawbreaks his way outo f a sleeper from Hart. Austin takes Hart into the corner while Undertaker hits a chokeslam on Vader.

A Stunner (which is sold like a swinging neckbreaker) drops Undertaker for two as Vader runs Hart over for two of his own. Vader takes Hart outside for some chair shots to the back as his eye is GUSHING. Undertaker backdrops Austin out of a piledriver attempt in the aisle before switching off with Hart. Austin goes after Vader’s eye and sends him into the steps. Some belt shots rock Vader, who pounds Austin right back and hits him with the ring bell.

Vader and Hart go up the aisle with Hart being sent into the barricade, leaving Undertaker to beat Austin up back inside. Back at ringside, Vader tries a Sharpshooter on Hart, leaving Austin to stomp on Hart some more. That’s broken up so Hart goes after Austin (yeah that always works) but Austin goes back inside to Thesz press Vader (right on the bloody eye). Back up and Vader misses the moonsault to Undertaker, who takes him outside for a choke with a camera cable.

Vader cuts that off (the choking, not the cable) and chokes Undertaker down for two back inside. Hart’s middle rope elbow gets two Austin, who gets an O’Connor roll for the same. They switch off again so Hart can kick Vader low (with the camera showing Vader just covered in blood) for two more. Undertaker tries to throw Austin over (oh yeah that’s a thing) as Vader Fujiwara’s Hart’s arm. Back up and Hart tosses Austin for the first elimination at 18:09 (there have been longstanding rumors that Austin was supposed to win but those wound up being nonsense).

Undertaker hammers on Hart until Vader breaks it up as we see Sid (who gets the winner tomorrow) watching in the back. Undertaker is sent outside (not out) where Bearer gets in an urn shot, leaving Vader to take off the blood soaked mask. Hart cuts Vader off on the top and hits a top rope superplex, because this match needed another crazy spot.

The Sharpshooter goes on but Undertaker breaks it up (JR is confused) and Austin is back to go after Hart. Austin gets back in to keep up the beating as Undertaker breaks up a Vader Bomb. A low blow sends Vader out at 22:26, leaving Undertaker to drop Austin and chokeslam Hart. Austin pulls Hart out of the Tombstone though, leaving Undertaker to go after Austin again. Hart clotheslines Undertaker out for the win and the title at 24:06.

Rating: A-. These guys beat the living daylights out of each other and I had a great time watching it again. It’s such a unique match that it feels more like a regular four way until the eliminations, which is a fine way to go as it’s perfectly within the rules. Vader was a wrecking ball in this whole thing and everyone was game to fight him. Outstanding match and arguably a hidden gem, even if it meant very little as Hart would lose the title to Sid the next night on Raw.

Overall Rating: A. I had an absolute blast with this, as it was an awesome showcase of why Vader really was that much of a monster (and they didn’t cover all kinds of stuff from his American run). What mattered the most was that Vader didn’t feel like any run of the mill monster who was beaten and then faded away. He was always going to be around because very few people could do things like he could. WCW knew what they had with him and if the WWF hadn’t wasted so much of him, he could have been up there with Andre for all time greatest super heavyweight. Make sure to check this out as it’s outstanding.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Summerslam 1994
Date: August 29, 1994
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 23,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

This is the old review of the year and that’s an interesting choice. The show has a double main event of WWF World Champion Bret Hart defending against his brother Owen to continue their awesome feud, plus the wholly unawesome Undertaker vs. Fake Undertaker match. It’s the best of both worlds you see. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Randy Savage to welcome us to the show, held in the brand new United Center. Somehow, this is the only pay per view the company has ever run from the arena.

Jerry Lawler has some breaking news: Shawn Michaels and Diesel have become the new Tag Team Champions after defeating the Headshrinkers last night. What an odd time to do a title change, but 1994 was an odd time.

IRS/Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Headshrinkers

IRS and Bigelow have Ted DiBiase in their corner and this was originally going to be a title match. The Headshrinkers (Samu/Fatu) have Afa and Lou Albano with them, just to crank up the bizarre state of the show so far. Bigelow runs Fatu (not Samu Vince, though to be fair it’s a pretty easy mistake to make) over with a shoulder but eats the superkick for two. Fatu avoids a very early top rope headbutt and a double superkick puts Bigelow down again. Samu comes in, so Vince says Samu is now in, after saying Samu started.

Vince really wasn’t great at this whole thing. Samu starts cleaning house and ducks an IRS charge to send him outside. Back in and Bigelow low bridges Fatu to the floor but it’s a double clothesline for a double knockdown. The hot(ish) tag brings Samu back in for a BAAAACK body drop and a headbutt to Bigelow, which works because Samoans have hard heads. The middle rope headbutt gets two on IRS with Bigelow making a save. With Bigelow being knocked to the floor, the double Stroke sets up the Superfly Splash but Bigelow goes after Albano. That’s enough to draw Afa in for the DQ at 7:18.

Rating: D+. Pretty lame opener here with the lack of the titles taking away the little interest this match had. The Headshrinkers are good in their roles but Bigelow and IRS are a pretty generic team who don’t have much to do here. I’m still not sure what the point is in having the titles change early. Why not just do it the next night on Raw?

They brawl to the back.

And now, for your comedy of the show. The detectives from the Naked Gun movies are trying to find the Undertaker, complete with a bunch of puns and sight gags. Such gems include “we’re both on the case” as they stand on a briefcase.

Women’s Title: Bull Nakano vs. Alundra Blayze

Blayze is defending and Nakano has Luna Vachon in her corner. For those of you of a younger age, Nakano is a rather terrifying Japanese monster and Blayze’s archnemesis. We get the ceremonial flower presentation but Vachon throws hers at Blayze to really be a jerk. Nakano kicks her in the ribs instead of shaking hands but it’s too early for a powerbomb. A knee to the ribs cuts the champ off and Nakano throws her down by the hair.

We hit the chinlock (with Nakano’s back to the camera because she doesn’t know how to work) until Blayze makes the rope, which isn’t an escape you see that often. The yet to be named hurricanrana gives Blayze two but Nakano pulls her down into a Boston crab with both legs under one arm. With that broken up, Nakano puts on what would become Paige’s Scorpion Crosslock.

Since Blayze hasn’t been tortured enough yet, Nakano switches to a cross armbreaker. Back up and three straight running sleeper drops have Nakano in trouble but she powers out of a piledriver attempt. A powerbomb gets two on the champ as the pace has picked WAY up out of nowhere. Blayze avoids the guillotine legdrop though, kicks Vachon down and grabs the German suplex to retain at 8:17.

Rating: B. For 1994, this was some insane stuff in America, especially for a women’s match. Blayze really was good but Nakano was one of the best of the era. She was big, strong, could wrestle on the mat and had the submission skills to be that dominant. Unfortunately these two pretty much the entire division for a long time so it could only go so far.

Shawn Michaels and Diesel brag about winning the titles because the Heartbreak Hotel needed some more gold. Diesel says Razor Ramon isn’t taking one of his two titles tonight. Razor has had a bunch of chances and tonight isn’t going to change anything.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Diesel

Razor is challenging and has NFL Hall of Famer Walter Payton in his corner to balance out Shawn. The white boots are a weird look for Razor. Shawn talks trash to Payton to start and Razor fires off the right hands, which look very good against someone Diesel’s size. Back in after a quick trip to the floor and Diesel gets in his own punches to take over. A sleeper slows Razor down even more and Diesel throws him outside.

Shawn goes for the turnbuckle pad but Payton chases him off, allowing Shawn to forearm Razor behind the referee’s back. I could watch Shawn outsmart people for days. Back in again and the referee stands in front of the exposed buckle but Shawn’s second distraction allows Razor to be whipped in. Diesel hits Snake Eyes onto an unexposed buckle as Lawler thinks the pad fell off the other one. A chinlock with a knee to the back keeps Razor in trouble and a big boot knocks his head off.

We hit the abdominal stretch, which at least looks more painful than a chinlock with a knee in the back. Diesel grabs the rope, making me wish we had Bobby Heenan there to explain why it’s more to avoid a hiptoss counter than to add more leverage. Razor gets out and sends Diesel ribs first into the exposed buckle, sending Lawler into hysterics as it should.

The middle rope bulldog (the Hall Buster) gets two and there’s a right hand to knock Shawn off the apron for a great over the top sell. A flying shoulder gives Diesel a breather so Shawn goes after the belt. Payton goes after him again and of course the referee yells, allowing Shawn to superkick Diesel by mistake. Shawn gets pulled outside and Razor finally crawls over for the pin to get the title back at 15:01.

Rating: B-. I’ve always had a mixed reaction to this one as the match itself is pretty good but Payton being out there was just a celebrity cameo that could have been anyone. Razor getting the title back was the right call as Shawn and Diesel are already having issues. They could have cut a few minutes out here, but what we got was still good enough and didn’t get sunk by the extra time.

Diesel yells at Shawn all the way to the back.

Savage talks about what we just saw.

Lex Luger and Tatanka are in the back. A fan poll has 54% saying that Luger sold out to Ted DiBiase and Tatanka is tired of hearing Luger deny it. We see a montage of DiBiase and Luger getting very close, but Luger still swears there’s nothing going on because DiBiase is lying. Tatanka is going to prove his story in the ring tonight.

Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

There’s no DiBiase to start. Feeling out process to start with Luger running him over but not following up. Tatanka’s armbar has no effect so Luger puts him down again, only to miss the jumping elbow (as always). That means we get more of Tatanka’s lame offense, including the top rope chop to the head. The second attempt gets punched out of the air and Luger starts in with the clotheslines. Cue DiBiase with a gym bag as Luger hits a powerslam. DiBiase pulls money out of the bag as Luger yells at him, allowing Tatanka to grab a rollup for the pin at 6:02.

Rating: D. This was all about the storyline instead of the wrestling and that’s not surprising. Neither Luger nor Tatanka were going to have a good match at this point so the story was the only way this was going to work. Tatanka was a fine midcard hand but if he had even a slightly better offense, he could have been a much bigger deal. There comes a point where you need the wrestling to back up the character and that just wasn’t the case for him.

Post match Luger kicks the money out of DiBiase’s hands so Tatanka jumps him from behind, revealing that he sold out. I’ve always liked that story, as bad as the match was. What I don’t like is how long this goes on, as Tatanka beats him up three different times, capped off by the Million Dollar Dream. We get the money in Luger’s mouth for a little old school touch.

Gorilla Monsoon is aghast at what we just saw. Agreed. That money must be filthy.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Mabel

This is going to be a disaster. During the entrances, Vince and Jerry debate the detectives’ skills and if Lawler has any rhythm. Mabel tosses away a wristlock attempt (Jarrett’s sell is quite good) and drops the big elbow when Jarrett tries a drop down. A clothesline puts Jarrett on the floor so he shoves the rapping Oscar. That’s not going to get him booed as Oscar isn’t very good. Back in and Jeff scores with some middle rope ax handles but Mabel crushes him in the corner.

The spinwheel kick (the one good thing that Mabel could do) gets two as Abe Knuckleball Schwartz (the Brooklyn Brawler as a baseball player) is on strike in the crowd. This adds nothing and isn’t funny or interesting, but it’s a thing that happens. Sounds like 1994 as a whole. They head outside with Oscar getting in a slap and Mabel splashing Jeff against the post. Back in and the middle rope splash misses, followed by a missed sitdown splash to give Jeff the pin at 5:57.

Rating: F. Oh what were you expecting here? Mabel was fat and useless while Jarrett wasn’t exactly someone who was going to carry anyone at this point, especially someone that big. This should have been on Raw at best and comes off as terrible filler here. Mainly because that’s what it was.

Vince introduces the detectives in the aisle, blowing their cover. Undertaker’s silhouette appears in the entrance but they don’t see him. Because they’re bad at their jobs you see.

We recap Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart. This started way back in 1993 when Owen was the only Hart eliminated at the Survivor Series, which he blamed on Bret. Owen and Bret then teamed up to try and win the Tag Team Titles, but Bret wouldn’t tag out when injured, leading to a referee stoppage.

They went on to have a classic at Wrestlemania X with Owen pinning Bret clean. Bret won the WWF World Title later in the night and the feud was on for the rest of the summer. Owen even won the King of the Ring (just like his brother the previous year) to earn another title shot. Tonight is the big blowoff inside a cage. This really was a great feud as you could see Owen’s point all along and it built up perfectly over time.

Earlier today, Owen and crony Jim Neidhart (Bret’s former partner) were in the cage and promised to destroy Bret once and for all tonight.

Bret is going to forget they’re family tonight because Owen will be crying a river of tears, just like he did when he was a baby.

The Hart Family, including Davey Boy Smith, is at ringside and Helen can’t believe this is happening. Stu hopes the best wrestler wins and sounds as only he can. Lawler accuses both of them of causing all of this and thinks Smith will turn on Bret again. Lawler: “Wouldn’t you love to be in there with Bret again tonight?” Smith: “Uh, not really.” Neidhart is behind Smith and says we’ll see Owen prove that he’s the better man once and for all. Bruce Hart spins around and says stay out of this.

Bret, recovering from strep throat, says his condition won’t change anything tonight. What we’re going to see tonight is barbaric and nothing like what they did when they were kids. Everyone wants things to end tonight and Bret is going to finish it to heal his family.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart

Bret is defending in a cage with escape only to win. Owen goes right at him to start and hammers away during the entrances, followed by some hard right hands to the head. You can see Helen panicking over the whole thing and a DDT by Bret makes things even worse. It’s too early to escape though and Owen scores with some headbutts, followed by an enziguri to really rock Bret. He’s fine enough to suplex Owen off the cage and it’s a double knockdown.

Owen goes for the door so Bret bends him around the ropes for a save and drags him right back in. They’re setting up a good feel here with both of them going for the escape and being pulled back for more punishment. That ties in the idea of wanting to hurt each other but wanting to be the better man even more, which is really what this is all about. They both wind up on the top rope and slug it out with Owen knocking him down.

Instead of getting the easy climb out though, Owen comes back with a missile dropkick into a nipup. Both make some fast climbs up the cage but get pulled down for a crash each. A collision gives us another double knockdown as they’re taking their time building the drama, mainly because they’ve got the time to do so. It’s still too early for Owen to get out the door as Bret pulls him out, only to get pulled back down from the top for a hard crotching.

Bret is up fast enough for the headbutt between the legs but Owen pulls him down again. Owen gets closer to getting out than any other attempt yet, even getting his feet and legs out of the cage. Bret pulls him back in and sends Owen face first into the cage for a big knockdown. This time the climb is cut off by a belly to back superplex as the crashes and falls are getting bigger and bigger. A good piledriver plants Bret but he’s fine enough to catch a tired Owen again.

They both fall off the ropes this time for a breather until Bret catapults him face first into the cage. Owen has to literally dive over for a save and sends Bret into the cage, with the champ coming up holding his knee. The knee is fine enough to climb up and kick Owen away but he gets pulled back down by the arm.

Owen gets out again and you can feel the fans quiet down as he gets close. He’s pulled back in yet again and Bret kicks him down to the mat but it’s Owen’s turn for a last second save. Bret catches him in the corner and pulls Owen back down with a huge superplex (Bret always had a great one) and they’re both down again. Owen is up first with a Sharpshooter but Bret reverses into one of his own.

A little cranking has Owen down but, say it with me, he lunges over for the save by pulling Bret down hair first. They both climb and this time make it over the top, leaving them hanging on the side. Bret hits him in the ribs, causing Owen to slip and get tied up in the cage wall. That’s enough for Bret to drop down and retain at 32:18.

Rating: A+. I’ve had to say this about several Bret matches before but the wrestling isn’t the point here. This was all about telling a great story and that’s what we got. The thing to remember here is that they don’t hate each other but rather Owen wants to prove he’s better and Bret wants to shut Owen up. It explains why they weren’t trying to kill each other in what is usually a violent match. Instead, they were trying to win, which should be the case in most matches and especially one like this. Notice how the match ends: not with a big spot, but with Bret being one step better than Owen, which is the point of the feud.

It is slower paced and it does feel like they’re doing the same things over and over, but it’s a case of WHY they’re doing the same things over and over. They’re not trying to destroy each other and it really is about being the better man. Owen has gone off the deep end with trying to beat Bret, but it never felt like he wanted to hurt him. That might not make for the most exciting match, but it’s how things should have gone when you think about it.

Post match Neidhart jumps the barricade and clotheslines Davey, knocking him into his wife. Neidhart locks himself inside the cage and the double beatdown is on as Owen has completely snapped. The Hart Brothers storm the cage (always cool) but Owen keeps knocking them off. Davey finally punches Owen down (for a great bump) and gets in, sending Owen and Neidhart running as the rest of the brothers get inside as well.

In the back, Owen and Neidhart yell about how Owen should be the winner and Davey isn’t family. Owen: “Let’s go celebrate my victory!”

Survivor Series ad, making fun of football. Considering how meh that show was, I wouldn’t go that way.

We recap the Undertaker vs. Undertaker. Back in January, Undertaker was destroyed by about a dozen guys and put in a casket. Not to worry as he ascended out of the casket in one of the most ridiculous things you’ll ever see in wrestling. After being gone for several months (aside from some sightings, including by a young child in school), Ted DiBiase said he had seen Undertaker. Paul Bearer said no way but DiBiase brought him back, only to reveal that it was a fake Undertaker (played by Brian Adams, better known as Chainz). The lack of about three inches was a, ahem, dead giveaway.

With Undertaker succumbing to the power of money, Bearer went to the graveyard and said he had the real Undertaker again. After the lights went out one night on the King’s Court (Todd Pettengill: “Look at that brain surgeon Jerry Lawler.”), the real Undertaker said he was back and not with DiBiase. He would be around this coming Monday (at Summerslam) against whatever DiBiase had with him. This video gets well over five minutes as we need to get rid of the cage.

Undertaker vs. Undertaker

For the sake of simplicity, I’ll identify them by the colors of their gloves: gray for the fake one and purple for the real. DiBiase brings his man to the ring but Bearer comes out with just a casket. There’s nothing inside though and the casket is wheeled to the back. Instead Bearer opens the Urn to reveal a light….and here’s the real Undertaker. That certainly seems to be worth the wait for the fans.

Purple shrugs off some forearms to the back and leapfrogs (!) gray, who falls to the floor. Gray stalks Bearer and gets suplexed back inside for his troubles, only to be sent right back to the floor. A Stunner over the top staggers Purple but Old School just isn’t happening. The real Old School connects and now Lawler believes Bearer has the real thing.

Purple misses a charge and falls to the floor as Vince defends the silent crowd. More right hands from gray don’t have much effect but a good looking chokeslam gets….no cover. Gray goes with a Tombstone for no cover again as he spends too long pointing at DiBiase. Purple hits a Tombstone of his own, followed by a second for good measure. A third finally gives purple the pin at 9:10.

Rating: F. Well what was that supposed to be? The biggest problem here is the match was really, really bad with the Tombstone being the only thing worthwhile from the fake Undertaker. That leaves you with about eight minutes of lumbering forearms and right hands as the fans had no idea what to make of anything because there was nothing to get excited about. This would have been much easier to sit through if it didn’t come after twenty minutes of build and a great cage match. For the life of me I’m not sure how they thought this was going to work, but it failed miserably.

Gray gets put in the casket and purple poses before the Urn’s flashlight.

Savage wraps the show up but throws it to the detectives, who find a briefcase. “The case is closed.” That ends the show. Summerslam mind you, ends on a sight gag. I remember watching this live and my dad tried to explain the joke to me because at six years old, this went flying over my head. What a great way to end a show.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s certainly not the worst show as there’s enough good stuff to carry it past horrible, but my goodness they didn’t do themselves any favors here. There’s a reason that 1994 was one of the worst years in company history and this show was a good example. With the fake main event being such a mess, they’re lucky to have an instant classic in the real main event to bail it out. It’s watchable, but be ready to fast forward a lot.

Ratings Comparison

IRS/Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Headshrinkers

Original: C+
2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Alundra Blayze vs. Bull Nakano

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2018 Redo: B

Razor Ramon vs. Diesel

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2018 Redo: D

Jeff Jarrett vs. Mabel

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D-

2018 Redo: F

Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart

Original: A

2013 Redo: A+

2018 Redo: A+

Undertaker vs. Undertaker

Original: B

2013 Redo: F

2018 Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D+

2018 Redo: D+

I still don’t know how I got a B out of the main event before and I really liked the women’s match more this time around. Other than that, it’s about the same all around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/28/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-1994-from-great-matches-to-leslie-nielsen/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/07/30/summerslam-count-up-1994-the-last-great-cage-match/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Superstars
Date: June 13, 1992
Location: Rupp Arena, Lexington, Kentucky
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We’re off to the start of a new taping cycle here and that means…well very little but it’s still nice to see these things being released on occasion. They’re such an easy watch and that makes for some fun flashbacks. The big story continues to be Papa Shango cursing the Ultimate Warrior and the blowoff has to be coming soon. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The hosts welcome us to the show with a bunch of horse puns before talking about the WBF Championships, because that’s still a thing.

We run down the card.

Tatanka vs. Barry Horowitz

Horowitz hammers away to start but Tatanka is back with some leapfrogs (and barely seems to get the landing on one of them). A hiptoss doesn’t do much to Horowitz, who sends Tatanka face first into his boot. Tatanka hits a not exactly smooth gorilla press and we get a Rick Martel insert promo, mocking Tatanka over the stolen feathers. Tatanka fights back, hits the top rope chop to the head, and finishes with the Papoose To Go at 2:24.

UPDATE!

We recap Ultimate Warrior’s issues due to Papa Shango’s curse. Then last week Shango blew smoke at Gene Okerlund and left him unable to use his right hand, which started spurting out more black goo. Okerlund does sell it rather well, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

The Warrior is willing to sacrifice his flesh so he can walk only as a skeleton. If he stands only as a skeleton, it is still as the skeleton as the Ultimate Warrior. I’m sure that’s answering a challenge. I guess.

Shawn Michaels vs. Graig Brown

Sherri is here with Michaels, who takes Brown down a few times. We get an insert interview from Michaels/Sherri, where he talks about how hard it must be to go through life being as ugly as Bret Hart. He’ll take that Intercontinental Title from Hart though. A ram into the buckle annoys Michaels so he rolls outside for a quick check in the mirror. Back in and the superkick into the teardrop suplex finishes Brown at 1:41. Naturally Michaels uses this as a chance to talk about the WBF. Let it go already man.

We go to the Event Center with Sean Mooney.

Repo Man doesn’t like dogs ruining his business and suggests a choke collar. That’s what he wants to do to the British Bulldog.

Texas Tornado has rededicated a lot of things, including his life, his friends and to Jesus, because he is doing it for you. You could hear him slurring his words a bit here, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

We go to the streets of Miami, where Razor Ramon talks about how he comes from the gutter. He has no education, but who needs it? Look at his gold and his clothes. Of course he is a success, and all he wants is the world.

Natural Disasters vs. Executioners

The Executioners (generic masked guys) charge at the Disasters to start and try some slams, earning themselves a pair of backbreakers. Typhoon splashes #1 in the corner and then throws him down, followed by some slow stomping. Earthquake comes in for the double splash in the corner and for some reason #2 tries a double clothesline (Perfect finds this amazingly stupid). The powerslam into the Earthquake into the Typhoon splash (ignore that Typhoon was already in the ring when he was tagged) finishes at 2:57.

Back to the Event Center, with Skinner talking about how he likes it nice and hot in the summer. Virgil and Crush (“Or Crunch, whatever his name is.”) are coming at him from different sides but he has all the time in the world. If he can beat up a bear or an alligator, he can beat up a WWF Superstar.

Paul Bearer and Undertaker warn Berzerker and Mr. Fuji against coming to the dark side.

The Mountie vs. Bill Koby

Vince’s “Oh no not him again” when Mountie comes out is great. Mountie takes his time to start before tying him up in the Tree of Woe for some stomping. We get an insert promo from Sgt. Slaughter talking about the importance of Flag Day. Mountie finishes with a dropkick at 1:27.

Post match the Mountie gets his shock stick out of the box and threatens Koby, who runs away just in time.

Ad for the WBF PPV.

We get an empty arena interview with Randy Savage, who will be defending the WWF Title later. There are allegations that he had to bend the rules to win the title, which makes Savage whistle. Yes he has bent the rules a time or two but he reserves the right to do it again in the future. He’s fine with wrestling scientifically but if he knows he’s going against a dirty player, he’s not going to be naive.

Savage isn’t going to forget anything Ric Flair has said or done and he’ll take it to the grave. He’s bad to the bone with a heart made of stone and he’s the WWF Champion and Ric Flair is not. Of course he’ll break the rules if it means beating Flair. It’s weird to hear a clear good guy talk like that, but it fits Savage perfectly well.

Kamala vs. Dale Wolfe

Harvey Wippleman handles Kamala’s introduction. Kamala chops away on the ropes to start and stomps him down, followed by a variety of choking. Commentary goes silent for a few moments before the splash finishes for Kamala at 1:24.

El Matador vs. Mike Samples

Of note: during Matador’s entrance, a man with a mustache and wearing a blue shirt can be seen holding up a four year old, who got a high five from Matador himself (no wonder I’ve always been a fan). Commentary finally stops talking about the WBF before going to an insert promo from Matador….so he can talk about the WBF. Matador takes him down by the arm and finishes with El Paso de la Muerte at 1:26.

IMG Credit: WWE

Mr. Perfect calls the Big Boss Man and we see shots of all of the bruises and injuries the Boss Man sustained at the hands of Nailz. Perfect is glad that Boss Man’s career is over but Boss Man says he’ll be back, which makes Perfect hang up.

Nailz vs. Ron Cumberledge

For some reason, Nailz is one of the only things I remember about this show (likely due to being terrified of him). Nailz chokes away in the corner and kicks him in the ribs. A standing choke finishes Cumberledge at 1:07.

Post match Nailz beats him down with a nightstick.

Papa Shango talks about pain and how he’s hurting the Ultimate Warrior. The Warrior will become his mindless, thankless troll. How could you tell?

The Legion Of Doom are ready for every team around because they are the only great team around.

Here’s what’s coming next week.

Shawn Michaels has left the building. McMahon: “What?”

Overall Rating: C-. This was a fairly weak show even by Superstars standards, but at the same time, there was some great nostalgia in here. It’s a show I haven’t seen since it aired live (or even being there in person) and it’s from a period that the WWF doesn’t talk about very often. The fact that McMahon and Perfect talked about the WBF so much rather than the show itself shows you just where the WWF was at this point.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Superstars
Date: April 25, 1992
Location: Wings Stadium, Kalamazoo, Michigan
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

The look back at Superstars continues on the WWE Vault and I’m certainly fine with that. It’s the former big weekly show and that means things might actually happen around here. I had fun doing a show from about a month after this one and it could be interesting to see what happens on this episode too. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Vince McMahon is on his own to start as Mr. Perfect has to be in Ric Flair’s corner as Flair tries to get back on track after losing the WWF Title at Wrestlemania.

Here’s who to expect on the show.

Ric Flair vs. Ron Cumberledge

Feeling out process to start with Flair backing him into the corner and slowly hammering away. Perfect calls Cumberledge “Savage”, with Vince correcting him because that’s something Vince would do. The Figure Four finishes fast at 2:13.

UPDATE!

We get a look at the concert in the park, featuring Sherri, Jimmy Hart, the Mounties and the Nasty Boys singing for charity. It’s as bad as you would expect. There was also a Wrestlemania Superstars Look A Like contest and…I’ve seen worse. We had a big reception, with Hulk Hogan bringing out his daughter and wife for a rare cameo. Finally, there was a brunch, which looks more like wrestlers just sitting around. This was actually rather cool and felt like the forerunner to Axxess.

British Bulldog vs. Kevin Kruger

Perfect joins commentary, thankfully getting us away from Vince doing a solo job. Bulldog armdrags him down a few times to start and hits a slam as Vince refers to Kruger as “the opposition”, likely not knowing his name. The delayed vertical suplex sets up the running powerslam to finish Kruger at 1:29.

You’ve got to want it! As in the WBF Bodystars. I don’t think many people wanted it.

Beverly Brothers vs. Erik Collins/Mike Freedom

The Genius is here with the Beverly Brothers. Beau beats on Freedom to start and we get an insert promo from the Beverlys, who dub the Legion Of Doom (and Paul Ellering) the Legion Of SISSIES. The jump onto the back hits Freedom and Beau calls him Animal (ala Mr. Perfect in the first match). The Shaker Heights Spike finishes at 1:48.

Post match Genius pours out some yellow paint so the Beverlys can do an LOD mockup on Collins. Actually make that LOS.

EVENT CENTER!

The Legion Of Doom is ready to wreck the Beverly Brothers.

The Repo Man can help the economy because he takes things from people so they don’t have to waste money paying for them. And he’ll be rich!

Crush is at a junk heap where he talks about his mom telling him to mind his manners as a kid. We see a black and white video of a child trying to pour milk but squeezing the carton too hard, sending the milk flying. Back in real life (and in color), Crush says he’s full grown, so who is going to teach him to mind his manners now?

Shawn Michaels vs. George Anderson

Sherri is here with Shawn, who hammers Anderson into the corner to start. A knockdown lets us hear from Bret Hart, who isn’t going to let Shawn tarnish the Intercontinental Title. The superkick connects (not really) and the Teardrop suplex finishes Anderson at 1:47.

EVENT CENTER TWO!

Texas Tornado knew there would be difficult challenges when he came here and gives a rather incoherent promo (I’m shocked) about how the two belts (or maybe one) are about honor and the dreams he is made of. Or something. I think.

The Nasty Boys want the Tag Team Titles back.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Brooklyn Brawler

Slaughter hammers away to start and leapfrogs him, much to Perfect’s shock. The insert promo sees Slaughter promising to make the Mountie an international maggot. Does that include official paperwork? A gutbuster into an elbow to the ribs sets up the Cobra Clutch to finish the Brawler at 1:39.

Sid Justice, with Harvey Wippleman, comes out to the platform for a chat. Justice is sick of the Ultimate Warrior and the Little Warriors because he is the man that everyone fears. Warrior tried to save Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania but who is saving the Warrior from Justice? No one can do it because Justice rules the world.

Shawn Michaels has left the building!

Natural Disasters vs. Kent Carlson/Tom Stone

Earthquake knocks Carlson down to start and powers him into the corner without much trouble. The big elbow to the back connects as we get an insert promo from Money Inc., with Jimmy Hart, bragging about retaining the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania. A double splash in the corner to Carlson sets up a double splash in the corner to Carlson and Stone at the same time. The Earthquake into the big splash finishes Carlson at 2:30.

EVENT CENTER! WHERE THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT EVENTS!

Skinner is tired of having to prove himself and it’s time to beat people because he’s hungry.

Tatanka thanks everyone from the great spirits to the fans for their support. He wants to rise to the top and make his people proud again. Not a bad promo here.

Undertaker vs. Berzerker

Paul Bearer and Mr. Fuji are here too. Hold on though as Fuji steals the Urn and Berzerker hits Bearer with the shield. Berzerker hits Undertaker with the shield a few times and then hits him in the back with the sword (as you do). A stab sends the sword through the mat and Berzerker knocks Undertaker to the floor. Berzerker piledrives him on the exposed concrete and leaves, only for Undertaker to stalk him up the aisle.

Skinner is ready for the Ultimate Warrior on Superstars.

The Ultimate Warrior is ready for Skinner on Superstars.

Next week: an update on Undertaker! You mean the guy who got up and walked away? What kind of update do we need?

Overall Rating: C+. This is far from a good time for the promotion, but dang it’s fun to see how things can go with the company trying to find something that works. When you have things like Undertaker almost being stabbed and the LOD being called the LEGION OF SISSIES, you can tell they’re trying to find themselves. That’s what had to happen with Hogan stepping away though and it makes for a fascinating transitional period, which was just getting going.

Results
Ric Flair b. Ron Cumberledge – Figure Four
British Bulldog b. Kevin Kruger – Running powerslam
Beverly Brothers b. Erik Collins/Mike Freedom – Shaker Heights Spike to Collins
Shawn Michaels b. George Anderson – Teardrop suplex
Sgt. Slaughter b. Brooklyn Brawler – Cobra Clutch
Natural Disasters b. Kent Carlson/Tom Stone – Splash to Carlson

Head over to my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com with thousands of reviews from around the world and throughout wrestling history.

Superstars
Date: May 30, 1992
Location: War Memorial, Syracuse, New York
Attendance: 4,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

This was thrown up on the WWE Vault and I could go for something from a different era. We’re done with Wrestlemania VIII and since it’s 1992, there is no pay per view for about three months. That means we could be in for a nice variety of things on this show and that is what I’m wanting to see. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Vince and Perfect talk about Papa Shango making black goo come down the Ultimate Warrior’s head last week. Since it’s National Dairy Month, Perfect turns this into some weird spoiled milk analogy and it really doesn’t work.

We run down this week’s card.

Legion Of Doom vs. Rich Mitchell/Kato

Animal backs Kato into the corner to start and leapfrogs over him, setting up a powerbomb. Vince talks about how the LOD gets their strength from ICO-PRO, promising to tell us about it more in the future. Kato gets dropped on the floor as we get an inset promo from the Beverly Brothers/The Genius, calling the LOD a bunch of sissies. The Doomsday Device finishes Mitchell at 1:48.

We go to UPDATE, presented by WBF Magazine. Gene Okerlund talks about the hold that Papa Shango has over the Ultimate Warrior and we get a look at Shango cursing him and causing him to have a bad stomach ache. Then Warrior vomited in the locker room. The next week, Warrior said the voodoo would be conquered…and black goo to come out of Warrior’s head. Ignore the jacket that Warrior has never worn before when this bad thing happens to him.

Papa Shango vs. Brian Brieger

Hold on though as Shango issues another curse, which causes the lights go to out…and lights Brieger’s boots on fire (with Brieger being knocked out as a result). Then goo comes out of his head. No match, due to goo and fire.

EVENT CENTER!

Tatanka is angry at Rick Martel for spraying Arrogance in his face and stealing his feather. Those were passed down to him and Martel is PUTTING THEM IN HIS HAT? That will not stand and Tatanka swears vengeance.

Repo Man talks about how hard it is to repossess cars because people don’t want him to take them. That’s why he takes them at night because it’s so much easier! He doesn’t like the British Bulldog either and threatens to choke him for barking too much. Well that’s violent.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Bob Bradley

Commentary talks about the WBF as Bradley pokes him in the eyes to start. Slaughter shrugs that off and knocks him to the apron for an elbow. We get an insert promo from the Mountie, who promises to shock Slaughter. Some choking on the ropes sets up the cobra clutch to finish for Slaughter at 1:45.

We get an add for the WBF Championships, with Vince promising “prime beef.”

Rick Martel vs. Jim Powers

Martel cartwheels away from the threat of a monkey flip to start before we go to a Martel insert promo. As Martel promises to send “Buffalo Breath” onto the Trail Of Tears, Powers takes him down with some clotheslines. Powers armdrags him into an armbar for a bit before grabbing a sunset flip for two. Martel fights up without much trouble and puts on the Boston Crab for the win at 1:52.

Post match Martel sprays the feathers with Arrogance for good measure.

EVENT CENTER! AGAIN!

The Nasty Boys don’t like high fliers like High Energy.

Paul Bearer, with Undertaker, is ready to deal with the Berzerker. Undertaker: “Rest in H***.” Well that was intense.

Watch the Crunch Classic! If I remember right, that’s a bad idea.

Natural Disasters vs. Duane Gill/Mike Fury

The Disasters waste no time in clearing the ring as we get an insert promo from Money Inc., who don’t like the Disasters very much. Earthquake elbows Fury and the double splash in the corner makes it worse. Gill tries to make a save and Vince is amazed at the stupidity. Earthquake’s powerslam sets up the Earthquake, followed by Typhoon’s splash to finish Fury at 2:54.

Big Boss Man vs. Dave Roulette

Boss Man has been dealing with someone with a mysterious voice who has been rather threatening. An elbow to the face and the wind up uppercut have Roulette (great name) in trouble and the Boss Man Slam finishes at 1:05.

Post match Boss Man slaps him around a bit…and here is a man in a prison uniform through the crowd to hit Boss Man with the nightstick. Some knees to the head rock Boss Man and he gets handcuffed to the top rope. More nightstick shots and some kicks to the back have him in trouble as Vince is wondering where the referees are for the save. He is at least nice enough to uncuff Boss Man, only to cuff his hands behind his back and hit Boss Man in the face a few times.

This goes on for a long time until the prison guy walks out through the crowd. Boss Man is taken out on a stretcher and Mr. Perfect is VERY happy. To be fair, Boss Man does have a history of beating on people he’s handcuffed (it was his entire thing as a heel) so Vince screaming “OF COURSE HE DIDN’T DO THAT” is nonsense.

Berzerker vs. Glen Ruth

Mr. Fuji is here with Berzerker and Ruth is better known as Headbanger Thrasher (though you would never recognize him). Berzerker boots him in the face before the bell and hammers away before dropping a knee. That works so well that he drops a leg for a bonus and HUSSes a lot. Commentary completely ignores the match to talk about the Big Boss Man, even as Berzerker ties him in the ropes for some running boots. Berzerker tosses him over the top and gets the countout at 1:57 as Vince is wondering what has happened to scientific wrestling.

Crush is in a junkyard and is ready to crush various people.

EVENT CENTER! THE THIRD!

Sgt. Slaughter is NOT the Mountie because he doesn’t like the Mountie. The reality is Mountie should have been playing Taps for Slaughter, who promises to make Mountie snap, crackle and pop.

Bret Hart is ready to face anyone for the Intercontinental Title, including Shawn Michaels.

We preview next week’s show to wrap this one up.

Overall Rating: C+. While I had fun with the show just for the sake of the flashback, there was only so much to be seen here. This was quite the slow period for the company as they were trying to find the new generation but it wasn’t there yet. You could see that with a focus on people like the Big Boss Man and Sgt. Slaughter in a fairly prominent feud, plus the biggest name being a quick cameo from Hart at the end. It wasn’t exactly an eventful show, but it was nice to take a quick look back at a different era.

Results
Legion Of Doom b. Rich Mitchell/Kato – Doomsday Device to Mitchell
Sgt. Slaughter b. Bob Bradley – Cobra clutch
Rick Martel b. Jim Powers – Boston crab
Natural Disasters b. Duane Gil/Mike Fury – Splash to Fury
Big Boss Man b. Dave Roulette – Boss Man Slam
Berzerker b. Glen Ruth via countout

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March To Wrestlemania IX
Date: March 28, 1993
Location: Cumberland County Civic Center, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

The title kind of speaks for itself here, as we have about a week to go before Wrestlemania and this is the big final push towards the biggest event of the year. The WWF did some specials like this back in the 90s and that means we could have an interesting selection of matches on the way to Las Vegas. Let’s get to it.

We look back at the contract signing between Bret Hart and Yokozuna, with Yokozuna crushing Hart, who got up anyway to a big reaction.

Vince and Bobby run down the card in front of a green screen.

Yokozuna vs. Randy Savage

Yokozuna has Mr. Fuji with him. They take their sweet time getting going here with no contact being made in the first two minutes. Savage ducks a few lockups before getting shoved down, leaving him thinking twice about this. Yokozuna hits a running shoulder and sends Savage flying over the top in a big heap. With Vince praising Yokozuna as much as he can, Savage gets knocked down again as the USA chants are on.

Yokozuna keeps hammering away as commentary basically says Bret Hart has no chance at Wrestlemania. Savage gets in some left hands but a single chop puts him back down. The big legdrop crushes Savage but the charge in the corner misses. A top rope ax handle puts Yokozuna on one knee but Fuji shoves Savage off the top. Yokozuna grabs a belly to belly suplex for the pin at 6:37.

Rating: C+. This was designed to set up Yokozuna as the monster who is beating a former WWF Champion and that worked well. Savage’s comeback at the end was only enough to give him a sliver of hope and that’s all it needed to be. Yokozuna is the monster of monsters at this point and it’s clear that the company is entirely behind him, as they should be here.

Post match Yokozuna goes for the Banzai Drop but misses and….leaves. Well that was kind of stupid.

We look at Lex Luger’s debut at the Royal Rumble, with Bobby Heenan’s insanely over the top praise still being hilarious/uncomfortable.

Mr. Perfect vs. Skinner

Skinner jumps him to start as Heenan is VERY happy with the idea of Perfect getting beaten up. Perfect gets tossed over the top and Skinner gets in a bite on the floor. Perfect manages a posting, only for Skinner to get in a belt shot to the throat. A whipping ensues, with the referee having no issue with the foreign object. Vince goes NUTS, screaming that Heenan or Luger paid Skinner off to soften Perfect up before Wrestlemania. You know, because Skinner is a totally clean cut star otherwise.

Perfect’s eyes are raked over the top rope as Vince is AGHAST at this BLATANT RULE BREAKING! Perfect gets in a single shot though and the comeback is on, with the right hands in the corner having Skinner in more trouble. The knee lift lets Perfect choke in the ropes, where Skinner gets in an alligator claw to the face. Not that it matters as Perfect hits the PerfectPlex for the pin at 5:27.

Rating: C+. This was a bit better than I was expecting here, with Skinner beating Perfect up until the comeback came through. It really does amaze me to see how easy Perfect can make things look out there, as it feels like he’s just waiting to turn it on and win in the end. That’s not a level of talent you see very often and it is more impressive every time.

Hulk Hogan is coming back at Wrestlemania. This was some over the top praise.

Kamala vs. Kim Chee

Before the match, Slick thanks the fans for their support for Kamala and promises that he is going to take out Bam Bam Bigelow at Wrestlemania. Not exactly as the match didn’t happen but it’s a nice sentiment. Kim Chee wants Kamala to walk back into the darkness but we cannot let that happen. Can Slick get a witness?

Anyway, Chee gets in Kamala’s face to start and seems to scare him, allowing Chee to hammer away in the corner. A slap to the face wakes Kamala up and he grabs a quickly broken bearhug. Kamala superkicks him down and the big splash, plus some coaching to turn Chee over, is enough for the pin at 2:11. That’s all it should have been.

Post match Kamala knocks him to the floor and steals the pith helmet.

We get a Wrestlemania music video in all of its 1993 glory, with various wrestlers giving some rather generic promos. That being said, this is the old Wrestlemania theme, with the OOOH OOOH, WRESTLEMANIA, PUMP IT UP PUMP IT UP (better known as Linda McMahon’s theme) so I can’t complain much. For some reason Big Boss Man, who wasn’t on Wrestlemania, gets two promos.

Vince and Bobby hype up the Mega Maniacs vs. Money Inc.

We look back at Money Inc. attacking Brutus Beefcake, resulting in the return of Hulk Hogan to set up a match which does not feel important in the slightest despite being the second biggest match on the card. I was a huge Brutus Beefcake fan when I was a kid but this return run never worked. Much like Hogan in the early days of Raw, which never felt right.

Money Inc. vs. Reno Riggins/Jerry Sabin

Non-title and Sabin is better known as the Italian Stallion, right down to his trunks saying ITALY. The beating starts fast with DiBiase taking Sabin to the floor and hammering away. Back in and a double back elbow drops Riggins, followed by a suplex to do it again. IRS drops an elbow and the Million Dollar Dream finishes at 2:54.

Here are the Mega Maniacs (obviously in a different arena) for a chat. Hogan talks about Money Inc. hitting Beefcake in the face with the metal briefcase and he knew it was bad. He chilled, he goosebumped and he sweated from head to toe. It was so bad that he ran to the garage and got on Brutus’ motorcycle (which just happened to be there) so he could ride to Venice Beach and bury his ear in the sand. He heard (in the sand) millions of Hulkamaniacs praying for Beefcake.

Then he rode the motorcycle for seven days to New York City, where he went to the Ramada Inn and found Beefcake watching the Three Stooges with an ice pack on his nose. Beefcake talks about going to Florida with Hogan, where they dropped rockets (yes rockets) on his new metal mask and there wasn’t a scratch on it. If Hogan did one more pushup, those Pythons would explode.

Jimmy Hart recommends not investing money in Money Inc., whereas the Mega Maniacs will have new t-shirts, Nintendo games and posters. When they win the Tag Team Titles, their stock will go through the roof. Hogan says Beefcake is mad, with Beefcake saying he spent two days running up and down the aisles at K-Mart to find hair tonic. Then he went to the desert around Las Vegas, where he chopped down some cactuses (should be cacti) and mountains (no word on if it was with the edge of his hand), where he decided he’ll take Money Inc.’s hair out of their heads with his bare hands.

Hogan says he went fishing with his bare hands and caught some sharks, but they weren’t for eating. Instead, he’s filled the pool at Caesar’s Palace with salt water for the hammerhead sharks (and some mermaids). Beefcake is going to help Hogan open the sharks’ mouths so they can wrap the Tag Team Titles around their teeth.

That way, when they throw the bathing beauties and Hulkamaniacs in the pool (with the sharks), the sharks can’t hurt a hair on their chinny chin chins (of the bathing beauties you see). Hogan has two cases of suntan lotion and he wants all the female Hulkamaniacs to have an even tan from head to toe. Catchphrase and posing ensues. If you haven’t seen this promo, go find it somewhere, as the Ultimate Warrior would have thought this was totally insane. And then it just KEPT GOING as they talk for the better part of ten minutes.

We look at Tatanka pinning Shawn Michaels a few times, earning an Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania.

Michaels is ready to play Tatanka like people get played in the Las Vegas casinos.

Tatanka vs. George South

Tatanka takes him down without much trouble as Heenan is insisting that Shawn Michaels is NOT in jeopardy. All this does is make me wonder how Heenan would have done as Shawn’s manager. Tatanka takes him into the corner but South gets in a few shots of his own. A ram into the buckle sends Tatanka onto the war path as Heenan rants about how he DOES NOT CARE about Sherri being at Wrestlemania. Some chops set up the Papoose To Go to finish South at 2:29.

Post match Michaels comes out to gloat so Tatanka wants to fight. Nah.

It’s time for the Wrestlemania Control Center with Gene Okerlund, who feels out of place in the WWF in 1993. He hypes up the toga party (because that really was a selling point) and the double main event, with Bret Hart being tired of hearing that he has no chance. Yokozuna could lose a lot more than face at Wrestlemania.

Crush is on a boat in Hawaii and, in a rather odd accent, promises revenge on Doink at Wrestlemania. Then he dives into the water and gets some octopuses.

The Steiners are ready to beat up the Headshrinkers.

Beverly Brothers/Little Louie vs. Bushwhackers/Tiger Jackson

Jackson would go on to become Dink The Clown. After some stalling, Beau punches Luke down to start as Heenan wants to say something important. Vince asks for a drum roll before Heenan insists he will NOT be wearing a toga. Heenan: “Imagine Gorilla Monsoon in a toga. It’ll look like an unmade bed.” We get a four person bite chain until Luke threatens to beat up Louie. Instead Jackson dances and hits Louie with a dropkick.

A splash gets two, with Louie’s kickout sending Jackson into the referee’s arm. Said referee throws Jackson back onto Louie for two before they do the sequence all over again. Louie gets in a shot of his own and Butch comes in to yell at Blake but not actually hit him. Blake gets in a cheap shot and hammers away as we get a rare BUTCH chant. Butch works on the arm and we get a chase from Louie and Jackson.

Beau comes in off the top with an ax handle to take over on Luke and we get some assisted choking on the ropes. Another top rope ax handle connects and Louie gets in a slap from the apron. Luke gets over and brings in Butch to clean house, which isn’t exactly hard on the Beverly Brothers. Everything breaks down and Jackson hits a high crossbody for the pin on Louie at 9:57. Heenan: “I didn’t understand anything I just saw.”

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of that? None of these people are on Wrestlemania and they get almost ten minutes, or longer than any other match on the show. That’s such a weird way to go and it was nothing that you wouldn’t see on a house show. It felt like they had nothing else to use on the show and picked a random comedy match.

We look at Giant Gonzalez debuting and taking out the Undertaker.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Undertaker

Paul Bearer is here of course. Bigelow slugs away to start but Undertaker drop toeholds him down. The chase is on with Bigelow getting in a shot, only to get caught with a running DDT. Old School connects but Bigelow knocks him down again as we take a break. Back with Bigelow hammering away on the floor, giving us Undertaker’s stagger sell. A hard whip sends Undertaker knees first into the steps but he gets up.

Back in and a slam has Undertaker sitting up again, with Heenan wanting Giant Gonzalez to come out here and take care of Undertaker. Some elbows make Undertaker sit up again and Bigelow misses the top rope headbutt. The comeback is on with a chokeslam sending Bigelow outside and he walks out for the countout at 7:40.

Rating: C+. This could have been a lot worse as they had a story here with Bigelow’s big man offense not being able to keep him down. It gave you just enough drama about whether or not Bigelow could stop him before walking out. Not a great match, but it made me want to see them doing something else.

Post match Giant Gonzalez comes out for the staredown, with Undertaker slowly going towards him. Referees break it up.

Vince and Bobby (who insists he does NOT have a tail) give us a quick final Wrestlemania preview to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s a reason Wrestlemania IX is so poorly remembered and a two hour preview for the show isn’t the best thing to see. This was a way to get people hyped up for the show, but then you realize just what you’re getting into. Throw in the completely out there mixed tag and the all time weird Mega Maniacs promo and this didn’t work. The decent wrestling you get is nothing worth seeing and the whole thing is kind of a mess as a result.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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