Superstars – October 28, 2016: The Kickoff Preview
Superstars Date: October 28, 2016
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
I can get through this. I can get through Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal IV. Normally I wouldn’t believe they would actually go there but I said that after their first match and again after their second match. At least my therapy has been going well since then. Mahal was on Raw this week though so he’s at least in the building. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Neville vs. Titus O’Neil
This could be a disaster as Titus was one of the only people who could drag Neville down when they were in NXT. Neville wisely gets the crowd going by moonsaulting over Titus to start and kicking him in the face to actually do something to him. A good looking flip dive takes Titus down again but he kicks Neville in the face with a bit more force. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Titus tries to start a LET’S GO NEVILLE chant. Back up and Titus charges into raised boots in the corner and the Red Arrow finishes him at 4:30.
Rating: D. It takes a lot to mess up a power heel vs. a speed face but they managed to make it boring. I don’t know how someone with Titus’ look can be this bad but he pulls it off every single time. Above all else though, Neville is going to get a pop from the crowd no matter what because that Red Arrow just works every time.
We go back to Raw for the first time.
Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman with something to say. Heyman does his usual schtick about how Lesnar will smash Goldberg, only to have the Goldberg chants cut him off. Heyman calls out the fan that started them and says they’re getting on Brock’s nerves. After their match, all of the chants in the world won’t be able to put Goldberg back together again.
Suplexes are promised and the fans go back and forth with SUPLEX CITY/GOLDBERG chants. Heyman rips on them and the chant turns into GOLDBERG SUCKS…..to wrap this up. Ok then. There was NOTHING here and it didn’t need Brock at all. Even Heyman looked rattled by the reaction.
Back to Raw again.
Mick Foley is in the ring for the contract signing between Sasha Banks and Charlotte. They talk about how big of a moment this is going to be, only to have Foley go into his annual rant about how evil the Cell is. Charlotte calls Sasha an entitled second rate talent who will learn respect from the Queen this Sunday. Sasha is ready to crawl up the ramp broken and bloodied as long as she has the Women’s Title. They trade insults but Foley cuts them both off to say he’s their future. Dude if the Cell is going to turn them into 6’4 men with long beards, maybe we should cancel the match.
As expected, the fans chant for Foley, thereby completely missing the point of this segment. Foley met Charlotte as a child and his kids gave Sasha their signed photo of Eddie Guerrero. More insults and a double signing FINALLY wrap this up. Charlotte vs. Sasha in a major gimmick match is fine but no one, like NO ONE, buys that the match is going to be all violent and career threatening like Foley is pushing and that kills the idea.
Sin Cara/Lince Dorado/Cedric Alexander vs. Tony Nese/Ariya Daivari/Drew Gulak
Cara and Nese start things off with the masked one starting in on Tony’s arm. A facebuster puts Cara down and it’s off to Gulak as the fans get a lot more quiet. Daivari of all people gets a reaction so Cara armdrags both Drew and Ariya at the same time. Dorado comes in and gets knocked off the apron and into the barricade as we take a break.
Back with Lince still in trouble thanks to a chinlock and armbar. Gulak misses a charge though and it’s off to Alexander to really wake the crowd up. Everything breaks down with Cara knocking Nese and Gulak to the floor for a big dive. Back inside, the Lumbar Check knocks Daivari out for the pin at 8:09.
Rating: C. This was your run of the mill cruiserweight six man and it’s about as good as you’re going to get with no story or reason for them to be fighting. The match was fine enough and hopefully they can improve it when they do the same match again as the Kickoff match on Sunday.
We wrap the show up with Monday’s main event.
Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens
Non-title. They play keep away to start until Owens gets kicked out to the floor. A Blockbuster gets two on Jericho but Owens pulls Seth outside. The champ is sent into the barricade but Jericho throws Seth into the crowd. Back in and Owens scores with a clothesline, only to have Rollins avoid the Cannonball. The Pedigree doesn’t work on either Canadian but the Lionsault hits Seth’s knees.
Owens saves his buddy from a Pedigree and it’s time for the double teaming. The handicap portion continues until Owens is low bridged to the floor. Jericho eats the low superkick and Rollins dives onto Kevin. Seth misses the frog splash and eats a Codebreaker for two. Owens comes back in and slaps Rollins a lot as the STUPID IDIOT chants kick in. Rollins escapes a double superplex and pins both guys at the same time with a double rollup at 10:00.
Rating: C+. The match was fun but it’s WAY too late in the night to really matter. Rollins pinning the champ is appropriate as Owens has been a huge afterthought in this entire story. That also makes four straight times that Rollins has pinned Jericho so you certainly can’t say he’s getting too many wins.
Post match Owens and Jericho destroy Rollins by sending him hard into the steps. We’re still not done though as Rollins runs up the ramp and dives at Owens, only to get beaten down again. Owens gives him the Apron Bomb and walks back up the ramp to get his title so some posing can end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. Yeah this was fine. Aside from Rusev vs. Reigns, this was a solid preview for Sunday’s show. I would have gone with ANYTHING other than the Lesnar/Heyman promo though and I really don’t get why they decided to air that mess again. The exclusive wrestling was fine for a pair of glorified dark matches and that’s all Superstars is supposed to be.
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Monday Night Raw – October 24, 2016: Who Needs Sunday and a Cell?
Monday Night Raw Date: October 24, 2016
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
The Beast is back tonight as Brock Lesnar is here for his first comments about his upcoming match with Goldberg. In addition to that we have two big matches including Sheamus and Cesaro vs. New Day in a non-title match and Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens in a triple threat. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Jericho to open things up with some terrible news: tonight’s triple threat match has been canceled until further notice. The fans aren’t happy with that one but Jericho says it’s because SOMEONE HAS STOLEN THE LIST OF JERICHO. Fans: “NO! NO! NO!” Jericho isn’t leaving until the List is returned but here’s Owens to interrupt. Owens doesn’t care who has the List but he’ll help Jericho find it once they get rid of Rollins.
Jericho says there’s no triple threat match tonight but here’s Stephanie McMahon to interrupt. She explains the idea of the triple threat (because Stephanie thinks all fans are idiots) and here’s Rollins with the List. Jericho freaks out and Stephanie goes all screechy to say give it back.
Seth sees Stephanie mentioned as a stupid idiot but at the very bottom is Jericho’s former best friend, Kevin Owens. Rollins wants to start a new list about Owens, who has no idea how it is inside the Cell. He’ll also kick Owens’ teeth down his throat and break his face with a Pedigree so he can teach HHH and Stephanie a lesson (because that’s what really matters in this whole thing).
This segment showed how horribly uninteresting this whole thing is when Jericho isn’t talking. Owens barely got to say anything and Rollins wants to win the title to show up HHH and Stephanie. Some main event feud. Also, did Stephanie need to be here? Like at all? She came out, told Jericho to do the main event (which Owens had already done) and was insulted that she was on the list (like Owens a few seconds later).
Post break Stephanie tells Rollins to give the List back because the fans were promised a triple threat. Rollins vents about Stephanie’s real intentions and says the List is in the locker room.
Enzo Amore vs. Karl Anderson
Anderson and Gallows have cut off Enzo’s mic so he and the crowd do it with pure vocal power. Enzo fires off rights and lefts in the corner but dives into a spinebuster as we take an early break. Back with Enzo getting kicked in the face but stopping a charge in the corner. A rollup is broken up but Cass kicks Karl in the face to give Enzo the pin at 7:39.
Rating: D+. I almost had this whole match written from the opening bell because this was exactly what you would have expected these two to do. It’s fine to set up the tag match and thank goodness we didn’t hear any of Anderson and Gallows trying to be funny. Enzo and Cass need to win on Sunday as it’s not like Anderson and Gallows can go much further into the hole.
Rusev says he slept like a baby last night because he gets his hands on Roman Reigns inside the Cell this Sunday. Reigns has done a lot of horrible things but now it’s Rusev’s chance to crush him for good. Simple and to the point here, as it should be.
New Day vs. Cesaro/Sheamus
Non-title. Before the match, New Day praises Cesaro but says Sheamus shames us because no one wants to see him. Woods is the odd man out here, which is kind of surprising as they’re normally defending the titles. Cesaro’s backbreaker gets two on Kofi and a double back elbows shows that Cesaro and Sheamus can actually work together. New Day quickly gets it together and takes Sheamus into the corner for the Unicorn Stampede.
Back from a break with Kofi in trouble and taking the ten forearms to the chest. Cesaro misses a charge into the post and the hot tag brings in Big E. to deal with Sheamus. The Irish Curse gets two on Big E. and Cesaro’s vertical suplex gets the same. The Midnight Hour is broken up but Kofi is launched straight into the uppercut. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Big E. for the pin at 11:45.
Rating: C+. Let’s see. Yeah I’m checking here. Maybe….almost….nah I still don’t care about Sheamus and Cesaro. They’re still the same uninteresting pair that have been around since before Summerslam and still are little more than a rehash of the League of Nations having problems against New Day back in the spring. New Day needs to roll over them and give us the record in December. If you just have to give these two the belts after that then so be it but don’t mess with the year plus run for this stupid idea.
We look back at Goldberg’s return.
Jericho frantically looks for the List but runs into Titus O’Neil, the Shining Stars and Jinder Mahal, all of whom have something for him other than the List (Titus Brand, travel brochures and a breathing exercise).
Bayley vs. Dana Brooke
Bayley has a taped up shoulder after last week. Dana says not so fast because she doesn’t like the idea of last week’s win being called an upset. Tonight there’s going to be another match but this time it’s arm wrestling. Dana easily wins so Bayley offers to go left handed. Bayley starts to win and of course Dana decks her and turns the table over for the beatdown. A Bayley to Belly sends Dana running and thankfully cuts off the BORING chants. Can you blame the fans for not being impressed here?
Jericho is freaking out over the List when he runs into Stephanie, who isn’t interested in helping him. Stephanie lists off everything she has going on and says Jericho is in the match, List or not. Chris says no List and no match, ya dig? That’s not cool with the boss, who says Jericho wrestles or gets suspended.
Curtis Axel vs. Bo Dallas
Before the match, Axel does a really good speech about his Minnesota roots and being Curt Hennig’s son. Bo starts fast but the Roll of the Dice is countered into a PerfectPlex for two. I bought that for a second. A running forearm drops Curtis and we hit the chinlock. Axel fights out and hits the running neck snap for two and that’s it for his offense as Dallas grabs a rollup for the pin at 2:58. I’ve said Axel should be pushed as a face for years and this was more evidence that I’m right. It’s also more evidence that WWE gets way too much pleasure out of having people lose in their hometown.
Video on Rich Swann.
Jericho is about to leave when a guy comes up to say he saw the List. Chris finds…..Braun Strowman looking at it and asks for it back. Braun: “Say please.” Strowman doesn’t see Sami Zayn’s name on the List but gives it back anyway. Jericho says it’s on page four and since Braun touched his personal property, HE JUST MADE THE LIST!
Roman Reigns talks about being in the Cell, which Rusev hasn’t experienced. Reigns takes this personally and is ready to do anything to keep the title on Sunday.
We run down the card for Sunday’s show.
Golden Truth vs. Shining Stars
Mark Henry is with Golden Truth and Titus is with the Stars, which makes me feel a bit better about their earlier segment. It’s really nice to have them actually have a reason to be in the back instead of just showing up for a cameo. I love little things like that. Corey is reading a brochure as the Stars come out to the ring as he needs to get his mom a birthday gift.
Primo is dropped by Goldust to start but some double teaming puts him down. The snap powerslam puts Epico down and everything breaks down with Titus low bridging Truth to the floor. Henry shoves Titus into the ropes to crotch Epico, setting up a flapjack into Little Jimmy for the pin at 4:02.
Rating: D. Can someone take this show behind the barn and shoot it already? I’ll actually give this match a little credit: they’re trying to build something out of nothing and it could be a lot worse. I mean, there’s at least something there and a moderate attempt to be interesting. It’s not really working and the match feels like a nacho break but I’ll take what I can get.
Mick Foley is in the ring for the contract signing between Sasha Banks and Charlotte. They talk about how big of a moment this is going to be, only to have Foley go into his annual rant about how evil the Cell is. Charlotte calls Sasha an entitled second rate talent who will learn respect from the Queen this Sunday. Sasha is ready to crawl up the ramp broken and bloodied as long as she has the Women’s Title. They trade insults but Foley cuts them both off to say he’s their future. Dude if the Cell is going to turn them into 6’4 men with long beards, maybe we should cancel the match.
As expected, the fans chant for Foley, thereby completely missing the point of this segment. Foley met Charlotte as a child and his kids gave Sasha their signed photo of Eddie Guerrero. More insults and a double signing FINALLY wrap this up. Charlotte vs. Sasha in a major gimmick match is fine but no one, like NO ONE, buys that the match is going to be all violent and career threatening like Foley is pushing and that kills the idea.
Emmalina video.
Brian Kendrick vs. Rich Swann
TJ Perkins is on commentary. As Kendrick makes his entrance, we see clips of his run from seven to ten years ago. It’s very sad that the #1 contender to a title doesn’t even have enough video from his current run for a highlight reel. In case you didn’t know, Perkins runs down his history with Kendrick (Brian was his mentor) for the millionth or so time.
Swann flips over Brian and hits a good looking dropkick. A spinning dive to the floor takes Kendrick down and we head to a break. Back with Swann fighting out of a chinlock and snapping off a top rope hurricanrana. What looks like a victory roll is broken up but Swann slips out of the Captain’s Hook and grabs a cradle for the pin at 9:14.
Rating: C. So Swann, who looked a lot better here, pins the #1 contender for a title that has no heat going into a pay per view title match. I get that Swann is likely the next challenger but they’re ruining this division more week by week. I’ll spare you another list of problems and just say Swann looked good here and go on.
Owens promises violence on Sunday but he’s the only one coming back.
Braun Strowman vs. Sami Zayn
This has the potential to be good so let’s see how they can screw it up. Before the bell, Strowman says he wants competition but he doesn’t see that in front of him. Strowman shoves him away but Sami low bridges him to the floor. This goes badly for Sami as he dives at Braun, only to get thrown into the barricade. Strowman walks away and there’s no match.
Kendrick comes in to see Perkins and says the clock is ticking on his career. If TJ loses on Sunday, he’ll bounce back. If Brian loses, that’s it for feeding his family. TJ walks away.
Here are Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman with something to say. Heyman does his usual schtick about how Lesnar will smash Goldberg, only to have the Goldberg chants cut him off. Heyman calls out the fan that started them and says they’re getting on Brock’s nerves. After their match, all of the chants in the world won’t be able to put Goldberg back together again. Suplexes are promised and the fans go back and forth with SUPLEX CITY/GOLDBERG chants. Heyman rips on them and the chant turns into GOLDBERG SUCKS…..to wrap this up. Ok then. There was NOTHING here and it didn’t need Brock at all.
Owens and Jericho have a meeting before the triple threat with Chris asking if their friendship means as much as the title. Kevin smiles it off and doesn’t really answer. Jericho says they’ll still be best friends no matter what but Kevin looks concerned.
Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens
Non-title. They play keep away to start until Owens gets kicked out to the floor. A Blockbuster gets two on Jericho but Owens pulls Seth outside. The champ is sent into the barricade but Jericho throws Seth into the crowd. Back in and Owens scores with a clothesline, only to have Rollins avoid the Cannonball. The Pedigree doesn’t work on either Canadian but the Lionsault hits Seth’s knees.
Owens saves his buddy from a Pedigree and it’s time for the double teaming. The handicap portion continues until Owens is low bridged to the floor. Jericho eats the low superkick and Rollins dives onto Kevin. Seth misses the frog splash and eats a Codebreaker for two. Owens comes back in and slaps Rollins a lot as the STUPID IDIOT chants kick in. Rollins escapes a double superplex and pins both guys at the same time with a double rollup at 10:00.
Rating: C+. The match was fun but it’s WAY too late in the night to really matter. Rollins pinning the champ is appropriate as Owens has been a huge afterthought in this entire story. That also makes four straight times that Rollins has pinned Jericho so you certainly can’t say he’s getting too many wins.
Post match Owens and Jericho destroy Rollins by sending him hard into the steps. We’re still not done though as Rollins runs up the ramp and dives at Owens, only to get beaten down again. Owens gives him the Apron Bomb and walks back up the ramp to get his title so some posing can end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. What a dog of a show this was. There was no effort here and their best idea was to say “Raw Exclusive Pay Per View” over and over as many times as they could. This was every lame idea they could come up with in three hours with almost no one really trying and the show feeling even longer than usual. The worst part is the show wasn’t even the worst. What it was was lacking energy and that’s as bad as it’s going to get. Horrible stuff here and little more than making me want to get to Survivor Series instead of caring about Sunday.
Results
Enzo Amore b. Karl Anderson – Rollup
Cesaro and Sheamus b. New Day – Brogue Kick to Big E.
Bo Dallas b. Curtis Axel – Rollup
Golden Truth b. Shining Stars – Flapjack into Little Jimmy to Epico
Rich Swann b. Brian Kendrick – Oklahoma Roll
Seth Rollins b. Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho – Double rollup
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
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Superstars – October 21, 2016: Completes the Trilogy
Superstars Date: October 21, 2016
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
We’re back in the Goldberg world and I have a feeling we might hear about him on this show more than once. Other than that I’m sure we’ll have something other than Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal Part III. They have most of the Raw roster at their disposal and I can’t imagine we’ll have to sit through that again. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Alicia Fox vs. Nia Jax
Clash of Champions rematch. Fox gets thrown around so she tries a sleeper to almost no avail. A front facelock goes even worse as Fox is thrown all over the place. We hit the bearhug until Fox crawls over Nia’s head. The ax kick gets two but Alicia is launched off the kickout. Fox’s middle rope dive is caught in the Samoan drop for the easy pin at 3:35.
Rating: D+. Just a step above a squash here and that’s all it needed to be. Fox is about all you can feed to Nia at this point as they don’t have enough of a division to have two stories going on at the same time. Nia is going to be a big deal when she’s allowed to go after the title and the first woman to stop her will look like a big deal.
We look at the buildup to Goldberg’s return.
Back to Raw for Rusev and Lana calling out Roman Reigns.
Here are Rusev and Lana to run down America and its horrible family values. He’s heard about Roman’s family but he doesn’t want to hear about 700 Samoans sitting around a campfire dipping a turkey leg in mayonnaise. As a counter, Rusev, has a photo album of his own family.
This includes his mother (two time world rowing champion), his father (who wrestled in the military), his brother Rusev (Rusev Rusev? Either way he’s a chef.), his grandmother and their award winning dog. Reigns FINALLY comes out to interrupt and is quickly beaten down, allowing Rusev to put Reigns in the Accolade.
Back to Raw again for Seth Rollins interrupting Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens, plus the ensuing match.
After Jericho and Owens brag about their friendship a bit, Rollins comes out to a BIG face chant. Like, even bigger than the time he beat up Roman Reigns and should have been turned face then. Rollins thinks everything about Jericho should be on the List, including the trunks which Rollins refers to as Sparkle Crotch. Jericho: “I AM NOT SPARKLE CROTCH!” For calling him that, Rollins JUST MADE THE LIST!
Seth brings up Owens bailing on Jericho two weeks in a row but that’s just to keep the team strong. Jericho issues a challenge to Rollins, who wants to fight right now. Actually hang on because Seth wants to know what Owens is going to do. Jericho and Owens disagree about whether Owens should stay or go with Jericho saying he’s got this because Owens can be here in spirit. Rollins: “Let’s do this. Owens, get your hands off Sparkle Crotch.”
Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins
First good sign of the match: the bell rings as we get back because Foley made it official during the break. Do that WAY more often. The SPARKLE CROTCH chants begin as Rollins clotheslines Jericho out of the corner and stomps on the Canadian. A backbreaker gives Jericho two and control but he has to fight out of a Pedigree attempt. Jericho backdrops him over the top and face first onto the apron as we take a break.
Back with both guys getting up and Rollins scoring with a Sling Blade for two. The nose breaking knee has Jericho in trouble but here’s Owens for a distraction. Rollins hits the springboard knee but gets distracted anyway, allowing Jericho to grab the Walls. The referee sees Owens holding the ropes away from Rollins though and the hold is broken. Instead Jericho goes with an enziguri but the Codebreaker is countered into a Pedigree for the pin at 14:36.
Rating: B-. This third straight loss for Jericho is proof of how important talking is in wrestling. Jericho has lost to Rollins three times now and he’s still going to be one of the most over acts on the roster with all of his stupid lines and charisma. It’s something so few people have going for them and Jericho is one of the best ever at it.
Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal
I WAS KIDDING YOU MORONS!!! You have the entire Raw roster and this is the best you can do??? Darren takes him to the mat to start until a headlock slows things down. The fans actually get behind Darren as he gets two off a shoulder and seated senton. Mahal goes after Bob Backlund and uses the distraction to send Young into the LED board. Back from a break with Mahal grabbing a chinlock.
You know, you would think three straight matches would be enough to give two people some chemistry but that’s not happening here. Some choking on the ropes has Young in even more trouble and it’s back to the chinlock. Young finally punches him out of the air and makes his comeback with some chops. The belly to back suplex onto the apron gets two and you can hear the crowd dying by the second. A roaring elbow sets up the Gut Check for the pin on Mahal at 8:55.
Rating: D-. Please, stop. These two are having some of the least interesting matches I’ve ever seen and for some reason we’re seeing it week after week. There’s no story, there’s no reason to believe Mahal is going to win and there’s no energy to any of these things. Just boring all around and that’s the worst kind of wrestling you can have.
We look at Paul Heyman’s comments to Goldberg.
Goldberg’s comments wrap up the show.
Cole brings out “the greatest champion in WCW history”. I’ll just let that sink in for a moment as Goldberg gets the big, long walk entrance through the back with everyone applauding him (and the Governor of Colorado being shown on camera chanting his name). Goldberg finally comes out and soaks in some cheers before saying you should never say never again. His wife and son are here to see him for the first time ever.
Back in January, he got a phone call from 2K asking him to promote their new video game. The thing he misses most, other than hurting people, is being a hero for kids. Somewhere along the way, he created some drama around here and maybe it’s better left alone. Fans: “NO!” Goldberg: “BUT THEN!” Fans: “YAY!”
Goldberg talks about Brock having Heyman challenge him to a fight, which made him think he has one more beating left in him. Maybe he has one more spear and Jackhammer in him. That means Brock is next but he’s also last. Goldberg goes around the ring and picks up some kids (including his own) to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. The stuff from Raw helped but sweet goodness the original stuff here was a disaster. The women were about as good as a near squash was going to be but the “main event” made me wish I was watching anything else. Like, Main Event for example. Just throw out ANYONE else and it’s going to be better. Not much to this show and that’s about why Superstars exists.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
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Monday Night Raw – October 17, 2016: The Long, Slow Tease
Monday Night Raw Date: October 17, 2016
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
It’s a big moment tonight as Goldberg will be making his first appearance in WWE in over twelve years. Goldberg is back tonight to answer Paul Heyman’s challenge for a match against Brock Lesnar at some point in the future (likely next month’s Survivor Series). Other than that we have two more shows before the Cell is lowered so let’s get to it.
Opening sequence. Is there a reason why they got rid of Last Week on Raw? Taking too much promo time up?
Here are Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho for the opening chat. Owens thinks Mick Foley has a personal vendetta against him because he’s put the title match inside the Cell. Jericho’s calls for quiet backfire so he talks about all the stuff that happened inside the Cell over the years, including ending Foley’s career.
It’s still going to be the Chris and Kevin Show because Jericho should have been in that match as well. We hear Jericho’s resume again, including beating Rock and Austin on the same night. Jericho: “Bet you forgot about that one!” He only lost last week because of bad refereeing so THE REFEREE IS ON THE LIST!
This brings out Rollins to a BIG face chant. Like, even bigger than the time he beat up Roman Reigns and should have been turned face then. Rollins thinks everything about Jericho should be on the List, including the trunks which Rollins refers to as Sparkle Crotch. Jericho: “I AM NOT SPARKLE CROTCH!” For calling him that, Rollins JUST MADE THE LIST!
Seth brings up Owens bailing on Jericho two weeks in a row but that’s just to keep the team strong. Jericho issues a challenge to Rollins, who wants to fight right now. Actually hang on because Seth wants to know what Owens is going to do. Jericho and Owens disagree about whether Owens should stay or go with Jericho saying he’s got this because Owens can be here in spirit. Rollins: “Let’s do this. Owens, get your hands off Sparkle Crotch.”
Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins
First good sign of the match: the bell rings as we get back because Foley made it official during the break. Do that WAY more often. The SPARKLE CROTCH chants begin as Rollins clotheslines Jericho out of the corner and stomps on the Canadian. A backbreaker gives Jericho two and control but he has to fight out of a Pedigree attempt. Jericho backdrops him over the top and face first onto the apron as we take a break.
Back with both guys getting up and Rollins scoring with a Sling Blade for two. The nose breaking knee has Jericho in trouble but here’s Owens for a distraction. Rollins hits the springboard knee but gets distracted anyway, allowing Jericho to grab the Walls. The referee sees Owens holding the ropes away from Rollins though and the hold is broken. Instead Jericho goes with an enziguri but the Codebreaker is countered into a Pedigree for the pin at 14:36.
Rating: B-. This third straight loss for Jericho is proof of how important talking is in wrestling. Jericho has lost to Rollins three times now and he’s still going to be one of the most over acts on the roster with all of his stupid lines and charisma. It’s something so few people have going for them and Jericho is one of the best ever at it.
We look at Goldberg’s first win in WCW.
Earlier today, Lita sat down with Charlotte for a chat about what it means to go inside the Cell. Charlotte brags about how awesome she is and how this is the latest moment on her already amazing resume. She’s won eleven pay per view title matches in a row and this is going to be another one. Charlotte lists off all her accomplishments and says she’s going to win again because that’s what she does.
Golden Truth/Mark Henry vs. Shining Stars/Titus O’Neil
This is over the Shining Stars trying to rip Henry off fake Rolexes. Apparently they were Titus Brand watches so there’s your reason for this match. Titus beats on Goldust to start and it’s off to Primo for a chinlock. The powerslam allows the hot tag to Truth as everything breaks down. Henry tags himself in and the World’s Strongest Slam ends Titus at 3:09.
Rating: F. Oh screw off WWE. This was another waste of time because they don’t bother with putting together a storyline and just threw six guys out there for the sake of throwing six guys out there to fill in time. I have a big problem caring about WWE when it’s clear that they don’t care either. Either give this time to something worthwhile or have the people out there eating sandwiches because it might actually be more interesting than a three minute match over a Titus Brand Rolex.
Jericho yells at Owens for coming down to ringside and almost calls him a Stupid Idiot. Owens calls him out on it and here’s STEPHANIE TO SAVE THE DAY! She says this is what Seth Rollins is trying to do and somehow ties it into the feud with Smackdown over the upcoming Survivor Series matches. Stephanie leaves and the guys are all quiet because Mama yelled at them.
Big E. vs. Sheamus
Before the match, Big E. laughs at the idea of Cesaro and Sheamus being a good team. Kofi points out that you can’t say Sheamus without the word SHAME. Woods: “I doubt these two are even friends on Facebook.” Sheamus isn’t pleased and starts fast with a German suplex. Cesaro watches on Facebook Live because WWE wants you to stop watching the show and go look at that. The apron splash gets Big E. out of trouble and Cesaro stops for more video.
Back from a break with Sheamus diving into a belly to belly but blocking the Warrior Splash. Big E. grabs a powerbomb of all things for two and Sheamus gets the same off White Noise. Cesaro takes this opportunity to go into the crowd with his phone but Sheamus takes it away and demands that he film the following Brogue Kick. Instead it’s a splash in the corner and a rollup to give Big E. the pin at 10:24.
Rating: C-. Not a bad match here but OH MY GOODNESS this story is annoying. The whole thing is a way to hype up WWE on Facebook Live and we’re stuck sitting through the next two weeks of watching Cesaro and Sheamus losing but hoping they might pull it together in the title match. That’s storytelling in today’s Raw tag team division.
The next Goldberg video is him winning the WCW World Title from Hollywood Hogan on July 8, 1998. Cole actually makes two mistakes here, which is bad even for him.
1. Cole says this was when Goldberg had been undefeated for a year. You would know this is wrong because about half an hour ago, Cole showed us Goldberg’s debut in September 1997.
2. Cole says Goldberg was the first undefeated WCW World Champion. Save for Giant of course, who won the title in his debut match.
Point to all this: WWE is bad at wrestling history so you should buy my books about it instead.
Curtis Axel is in Bo’s corner and is the biggest Bo-liever of them all. Dallas is all aggressive to start and knees away on a much smaller looking Neville. He’s clearly lost some muscle, perhaps for a cruiserweight run. Neville misses his running kick to the face but does his an Asai moonsault. Back in and Bo charges into a boot to the face but manages to leg sweep his way out of the Red Arrow’s path. A Roll of the Dice gives Bo the big upset at 2:56. So this is what you get for being arrested on a flight.
Bo beats Axel up post match and holds up the BO-LIEVE IN BO sign.
Bayley vs. Dana Brooke
Dana runs around a bit to start but gets caught in a Stunner over the middle rope. Back in and Dana knees her in the ribs, meaning it’s time for a Ken Bone joke. A chinlock doesn’t last long and Bayley starts with her elbows, followed by a dropkick to the back. Dana sends her face first into the post and…..gets the pin at 4:10. The ending looked a bit odd, as in not the planned ending. I think Dana was supposed to put her feet on the ropes (she was swinging her leg near them) but didn’t get them up there, meaning it was closer to a clean win.
Rating: D+. I was getting into this until the screwy ending. In theory that was designed to set up a rematch at the pay per view but instead it’s basically Dana just beating Bayley in about four minutes. If that’s the case then it makes a lot more sense but this ending hurt things a lot.
Paul Heyman joins us via satellite to say Goldberg isn’t worth Lesnar’s time because it’s a fantasy challenge. It would behoove Goldberg to just not show up tonight because otherwise Lesnar is going to hurt him very badly. The fans chant YES but Heyman says that’s just hurting Goldberg even worse.
Braun Strowman vs. Mile High Trio
The jobbers don’t have names but one of them thinks Strowman will have issues with the altitude. One of the guys has curly hair so Graves says he thought it was No Way Jose’s less intimidating cousin, Perhaps Not Jorge. Strowman throws two of them to the floor and LAUNCHES the third onto his partners. One of the trio tries to leave so Strowman chases him down and throws him back in. A powerslam and reverse chokeslam give Braun a double pin at 2:16.
Strowman says he’s coming to take matters into his hands right now but here’s Sami Zayn to cut him off. Strowman shoves him out to the floor and walks off. At least it’s something for both guys and that’s a good thing.
Sami says he’ll fight Strowman because no one else will.
Here are Rusev and Lana to run down America and its horrible family values. He’s heard about Roman’s family but he doesn’t want to hear about 700 Samoans sitting around a campfire dipping a turkey leg in mayonnaise. As a counter, Rusev, has a photo album of his own family.
This includes his mother (two time world rowing champion), his father (who wrestled in the military), his brother Rusev (Rusev Rusev? Either way he’s a chef.), his grandmother and their award winning dog. Reigns FINALLY comes out to interrupt and is quickly beaten down, allowing Rusev to put Reigns in the Accolade. The fight was good but the family bit ran WAY too long.
Clip of Goldberg debuting in WWE. So he had two big moments in WCW and then he was on Raw? That’s quite the reason to hype him up this much.
Emmalina video.
Big Cass vs. Karl Anderson
Cass erupts on Anderson in the corner and sends him flying with a fall away slam. Back in after a quick brawl with the partners and it’s the East River Crossing for the pin on Karl at 1:10.
Tony Nese and Drew Gulak agree on some kind of a deal with Brian Kendrick when TJ Perkins comes in. Perkins thinks there’s been a deal made but Kendrick says he doesn’t know how this works. TJ thinks this is WWE2K17 and he has unlimited lives but this is Kendrick’s last life. Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann come in and there’s a six man later. I appreciate the attempt at a story but the delivery was TERRIBLE here.
Earlier today Sasha Banks sat down with Lita. Sasha knows Charlotte will be ready because they’ve fought so many times before. Charlotte needs to know that the show is in Boston though and Sasha will be on her game in her hometown. Sasha is over her back injury and might be a bit intimidated by the Cell but she’s not afraid.
Video on Goldberg winning his second World Title at Unforgiven 2003.
Cedric Alexander/TJ Perkins/Rich Swann vs. Brian Kendrick/Tony Nese/Drew Gulak
Gulak takes Alexander into the corner to start before it’s off to Perkins to slam Nese in the corner. A tornado DDT is countered into a suplex for two on TJ and Kendrick comes in, only to get caught in the kneebar. Back from a break (yes a break in this match at 10:45) with Swann coming in for a hurricanrana as everything breaks down. Nese gives Rich the 450 and the Captain’s Hook is enough for the submission at 7:15.
Rating: C. This match exists and I’m not sure what else there is to say about it. The big takeaway for me is we have a six man tag that people don’t really care about so ALL SIX GOT AN ENTRANCE on a show that is already packed to the gills. Someone needs to map this show out a lot better because it’s only making things better.
The Bosses recap the idea for Survivor Series and make Jericho vs. Owens vs. Rollins for next week. Stephanie LOVES the idea. Foley: “I feel like we have a connection.” Stephanie: “Like the Rock N Sock Connection?”
We see Goldberg’s comments on SportsCenter from two weeks ago.
We see Heyman’s comments from last week.
Cole brings out “the greatest champion in WCW history”. I’ll just let that sink in for a moment as Goldberg gets the big, long walk entrance through the back with everyone applauding him (and the Governor of Colorado being shown on camera chanting his name). Goldberg finally comes out and soaks in some cheers before saying you should never say never again. His wife and son are here to see him for the first time ever.
Back in January, he got a phone call from 2K asking him to promote their new video game. The thing he misses most, other than hurting people, is being a hero for kids. Somewhere along the way, he created some drama around here and maybe it’s better left alone. Fans: “NO!” Goldberg: “BUT THEN!” Fans: “YAY!”
Goldberg talks about Brock having Heyman challenge him to a fight, which made him think he has one more beating left in him. Maybe he has one more spear and Jackhammer in him. That means Brock is next but he’s also last. Goldberg goes around the ring and picks up some kids (including his own) to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. This show was a three hour tease until Goldberg FINALLY showed up to do what pretty much everyone was expecting. Raw is a show that really could use the NXT formula: have an A crew and a B crew and don’t put them on the show every week. There’s so much stuff on here that feels like it’s crammed in because EVERYTHING has to make air every show, leading to a lot of short matches that don’t have time to do anything because we need to move on to something else.
There are a few good things scattered throughout the show but with nothing getting a focus (and the World Champion stuck in the opening segment as a background character while the adults do everything else) until the end, the show was WAY too long and full of stuff that wasn’t interesting, which is the case far too often anymore.
Results
Seth Rollins b. Chris Jericho – Pedigree
Golden Truth/Mark Henry b. Shining Stars/Titus O’Neil – World’s Strongest Slam to O’Neil
Big E. b. Sheamus – Rollup
Bo Dallas b. Neville – Roll of the Dice
Dana Brooke b. Bayley – Ram into the post
Braun Strowman b. Mile High Trio – Reverse chokeslam
Big Cass b. Karl Anderson – East River Crossing
Brian Kendrick/Tony Nese/Drew Gulak b. TJ Perkins/Rich Swann/Cedric Alexander – Captain’s Hook to Swann
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Superstars Date: October 14, 2016
Location: Oracle Arena, Oakland, California
Commentators: Corey Graves, Tom Phillips
It’s a big week around here as we’re coming off a pay per view and had a bunch of big matches announced for Survivor Series. In addition to that we also have the impending announcement of Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar II, which will probably also be at the November pay per view. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Shining Stars vs. Josh Andrews/Jared Pimm
Andrews seems interested in a time share to start but gets clotheslined instead. Well it’s more interesting than the time share would be. A double dropkick keeps Andrews in trouble and we get a LET’S GO JOBBERS chant. Epico gives him a delayed vertical suplex but a jawbreaker allows the tag off to Pimm. A double underhook gutbuster has Pimm reeling and an enziguri/legsweep combo puts him away at 3:46.
Rating: D. The Shining Stars just aren’t interesting and the crowd silence here tells you everything you need to know. There’s a reason these two have been around for years and barely ever done anything on the roster. Sometimes you have to accept that all the repackaging in the world isn’t going to save some acts.
We recap Raw’s opening segment between Rusev/Roman Reigns/Sasha Banks/Charlotte which set up the following mixed tag.
Charlotte/Rusev vs. Roman Reigns/Sasha Banks
The genders have to match so we start with multiple tags before any contact. Rusev punches Reigns to start and a clothesline gets two. Reigns starts a comeback as the fans want Sasha. The villains are knocked to the floor and we take a break. Back with Reigns caught in a chinlock and more WE WANT SASHA chants. A Superman Punch allows the tag to Charlotte, meaning it’s off to Sasha to clean house. Wouldn’t it have been smarter to not have Rusev tag so the advantage isn’t lost? The double knees in the corner get two on Charlotte and the Bank Statement makes her tap at 9:48.
Rating: D+. Well that happened and it was nowhere near as amazing as the announcers tried to make it seem. The fans really didn’t seem to care about Rusev vs. Reigns as there’s almost no way Rusev is getting the title back and everyone knows it. There was nothing to the match anyway and the sudden ending didn’t help things.
We see Goldberg’s comments on SportsCenter.
Here’s Paul Heyman to discuss said Goldberg comments but first we get another WWE2K17 video, this time of Lesnar vs. Goldberg. Heyman has heard people whispering about Goldberg returning for years now because they want one more spear and Jackhammer. You still hear the chants today and there they go again.
Everyone that got in the same ring as Goldberg was conquered while he was running parallel to Brock Lesnar. It keeps Heyman up at night that Goldberg is one up on Brock so as of tonight, Goldberg is officially challenged to a fight any place anytime. Goldberg can either live in the past or step in this ring and be conquered. In Suplex City, Goldberg is next.
Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal
Yes again. Young takes him down with a headlock and chops in the corner a bit. For some reason Mahal heads outside to yell at Bob Backlund so Young takes him to the apron, only to get kicked into the post. Back with Darren in an abdominal stretch as the announcers talk about Mahal’s inner peace. Something about breathing techniques. Mahal slowly stomps on the ribs and puts on a chinlock with a knee in the back. Young fights up again and hits the belly to back suplex on the apron but Jinder kicks him in the head for two more. A dropkick gives Darren two more and the Gut Check ends Mahal at 11:02.
Rating: C-. I liked this better as it was a bit more competitive but Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal is as stereotypical of a Superstars match as you’re going to get. Once the Election takes place and we can get rid of Make Darren Young Great Again, I can’t imagine either of these guys are going to be around much longer. Neither of them are interesting and neither of them have any depth to their characters.
From Raw, Stephanie McMahon and Mick Foley set up the night’s main event.
Here are the bosses with Stephanie making fun of Foley’s red flannel suit. In what sounds like a Home Shopping Network ad, Foley and Stephanie talk about the Women’s Title match being inside the Cell and confirm it for a second time tonight. But wait: there’s more. In a THIRD Cell match, Seth Rollins will be challenging for Kevin Owens’ Raw World Title as well.
This brings out Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens to say Mick has outdone himself this week. Owens doesn’t want to be in the Cell because he doesn’t want to be an old, broken down man like Foley. Jericho wants to know if he and Kevin can have their own private jet if Mick is just throwing out presents. The recklessness involved in putting Owens in the Cell means FOLEY JUST MADE THE LIST! Foley: “I started the List.” Jericho: “YOU JUST MADE THE LIST AGAIN!”
Stephanie tells Jericho to show Foley respect (MAKE UP YOUR FREAKING MIND ALREADY STEPHANIE!!! TWO WEEKS AGO YOU TREATED FOLEY LIKE A THREE YEAR OLD AND NOW JERICHO NEEDS TO RESPECT HIM???) so she has an idea: if Jericho can beat Rollins tonight, he’s in the title match as a triple threat. Because Raw needs to top Smackdown’s triple threat!
And now, that main event.
Seth Rollins vs. Chris Jericho
If Jericho wins, the Universal Title match becomes a triple threat. Rollins doesn’t care for having a toothpick thrown in his face so he smacks Jericho around. A Blockbuster gets two for Seth and Jericho bails to the floor, only to get caught by a slingshot dropkick. Cue Owens for a distraction so Jericho can take over and we take a break.
Back with Jericho kicking Rollins off the top and slapping on an abdominal stretch. Rollins sends him face first into the middle turnbuckle and gets two off a Sling Blade (which Jericho called loudly). Seth goes up top and slams Jericho off, only to have his crossbody dropkicked out of the air. The low superkick gets two on Jericho but Owens offers a distraction, allowing Jericho to grab the Walls.
A belt shot from Owens gets the same and Rollins takes him down with a suicide dive. The springboard knee to the head gets two on Jericho but he avoids the frog splash. A Lionsault gives Jericho a near fall of his own but he misses a high crossbody. Jericho reverses the Pedigree into another Walls attempt, only to get small packaged for the pin at 19:14.
Rating: B-. The ending was more of a relief than anything else as I really, really didn’t need to sit through another triple threat title match, especially inside the Cell. Rollins vs. Owens isn’t the most interesting thing in the world but Jericho can go and do something else instead of trying to salvage this upper midcard feud.
Post match Owens and Jericho beat on Seth but Rollins fights back and gives Jericho a Pedigree as Owens bails to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t one of their better shows as the original wrestling really didn’t do anything for me. Mahal vs. Young was done last week and I really didn’t need to see the same thing in a version nearly three times as long. Couple that with a boring squash and this show pretty much just existed for the sake of the Raw recaps, where your mileage may vary.
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Monday Night Raw – August 29, 2016: It’s His Show And We’re Just Watching It
Monday Night Raw Date: August 29, 2016
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton
It’s a big night this week as we’re guaranteed a new Raw World Champion in a fatal fourway with Kevin Owens, Big Cass, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins facing off for the title. It’s hart to say what we’re going to get at Clash of the Champions in about a month so hopefully we can start setting some stuff up tonight. Let’s get to it.
In Memory of Mr. Fuji.
We recap Balor’s shoulder injury and the setup for tonight’s title match.
All four World Title participants for the title are in the ring with Corey Graves moderating. Rollins cuts him off and says they’re all here because of him so he’ll cede his time to someone else. Owens talks about how he’s a prize fighter and tonight he’s fighting for a prize. That leaves Reigns, who Owens just allows to be booed.
Cass is tall….and that’s about it. Cass: “Did Jericho write that for you?” Cass says he’s the biggest dog in this fight, causing Owens to point to Reigns. Seth is glad that this is an elimination match so he can beat up all of them in one night. A brawl breaks out with Reigns and Cass having a staredown before the ring is cleared. I’m glad they kept this short since no one said anything important and it was just hype for the main event.
Neville vs. Chris Jericho
Before the match, Jericho says Owens will win tonight but promises everyone the Gift of Jericho. This is their first match since Neville broke his ankle back in the spring. A catapult puts Jericho on the floor early but he hides behind the ref to get in a cheap shot and send us to a break. Back with Jericho putting on a chinlock but diving into a kick to the ribs.
Neville moonsaults out to the floor and avoids a charge into the corner, setting up a small package for two. A superkick drops Jericho and I’m very surprised at how hot the crowd is despite such a big main event. The Red Arrow misses and the Liontamer make Neville tap at 10:50.
Rating: C+. I continue to be very glad that Neville can do more things than just the Red Arrow as those one spot guys can get lost in the shuffle quickly. Neville being a main eventer was a long shot at best but he’s fine in the midcard where he could pull off an upset and most people wouldn’t be that shocked.
Earlier today Bayley met the New Day and dancing ensues until Dana Brooke comes up, setting up a six person tag along with Gallows and Anderson. The key here: it didn’t feel scripted. Instead it seems like the producer said “Bayley runs into the New Day and you’ve got two minutes. Go.” That works so much better than scripting out the jokes and gives you entertaining things like this.
Nia Jax vs. Haion
Jax runs her over and finishes with an AA into a powerslam at 1:15.
Anderson and Gallows now run a retirement home and suggest that New Day will be joining Team 3D. Nurse Dana Brooke comes in and puts on a rubber glove.
Video on Seth Rollins.
Sami Zayn vs. Jinder Mahal
Sami has a bad ankle coming in and he tweaks it early on, allowing Mahal to smack him in the back of the head for two. A chinlock doesn’t go very far and Sami comes back with the Helluva Kick for the pin at 3:06.
Rating: C. I’m still waiting for an explanation of why they brought Mahal back. He’s fine enough for a warm body but of all people, Jinder Mahal? Anyway I’m assuming this is the start of something for Sami as the announcers kept talking about how he wanted the title. If Owens wins it tonight, there’s no logical reason to not do Sami vs. Owens at Clash of the Champions.
Earlier tonight Sasha Banks was on the pre-show, saying that Charlotte was trying to injure her and end her career. Sasha will be back for revenge and the title.
New Day/Bayley vs. Dana Brooke/Anderson and Gallows
Charlotte is on commentary and doesn’t think much of Bayley putting on a unicorn horn and eating BootyO’s. The women start with Bayley getting some quick two counts before working on the arm. It’s quickly off to Big E. for a belly to belly (gimmick infringer) on Anderson as the champs take over. That lasts all of a few seconds before the villains beat him down in the corner. The hot (or at least moderately warm) tag brings in Kofi for the Unicorn Stampede, including a running dropkick from Bayley. Some dancing sends us to a break.
Back with the camera on the commentators as the match is going on behind them. I smell Kevin Dunn’s fingers all over this. We actually look at the match to see Kofi in trouble and getting elbowed in the face. Kofi gets in a double stomp and makes the tag to Big E. for the house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Kofi does an insane dive over the top, nearly breaking his arm in the process. Back in and Dana gets two off a rollup, only to have the Bayley to Belly wrap it up at 12:28.
Rating: C+. The crowd was digging the heck out of this and I can’t blame them a bit. This was the perfect match for Bayley as New Day is over by definition and she fits in perfectly with them. Bayley gets another win to help set up her title match at Clash of the Champions and Anderson and Gallows save face. Good stuff all around and a fun match.
Cesaro says no one likes Sheamus so he’ll spin him around and around and around.
Video on Big Cass.
Cesaro vs. Sheamus
Match #2 in a best of seven series with Sheamus up 1-0. Before the match, Sheamus says he’ll prove that he’s just the better man. Cesaro takes him down to the mat to start and gets two off a double stomp. Sheamus’ arm is banged up and the announcers want the match stopped to check it. Thankfully it’s a dropkick to send Sheamus outside and we take a break.
Back with the Irish Curse getting two but Cesaro comes right back by hitting the springboard corkscrew uppercut. The high cross body connects (check your Bingo card) and Cesaro sends it outside. That goes well for Sheamus who backdrops him back first into the post, setting up the Cloverleaf for the submission at 11:15.
Rating: C+. Points for putting a story into the series with Cesaro’s back injury though I’m still having issues getting interested in even more of these matches. WWE has a real problem of just having the same match over and over and then wondering why it stops being interesting in the process. Make it best of three or just do a 2/3 falls match or something but having it go twice that long doesn’t seem like the best move.
Tribute video to Mr. Fuji and it’s as good as you would expect from WWE.
Video on Kevin Owens.
Braun Strowman vs. Americo
Standard masked luchador. It’s the squash you would expect with Strowman throwing him around and tossing him into the air for a faceplant and the pin at 58 seconds.
Strowman unmasks him post match.
Here’s Stephanie McMahon to address Shane McMahon getting F5’d at Summerslam, but first she has to say we’re about to crown the “first” Universal Champion. Paul Heyman cuts her off but Stephanie is right there to cut his balls off by demanding an apology. Heyman talks about how Lesnar provides value to Raw and is here to pay Lesnar’s $500 fine. He pulls out a pile of $1 bills but Stephanie throws them onto the floor. Stephanie wants to know what value Heyman offers to Raw and warns him of a coming storm.
Heyman goes into a rant about the board of directors and how Stephanie can control everyone but Lesnar. For some reason this turns into a discussion on female empowerment with Stephanie saying Heyman is staring at the women’s revolution. Heyman apologizes to her and she accepts before dropping the mic and leaving. With Stephanie gone, Heyman chuckles and smirks.
Video on Balor’s injury and surgery.
Video on Roman Reigns.
Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young
The aggressive Young knocks Titus to the floor where he asks for a timeout. Back in and a hard whip sends Darren over the corner where he lands on a camera to break it into pieces. Some neck cranks don’t go anywhere so Young crucifixes him for the pin at 4:04.
Rating: D-. Can ANYONE explain why this feud is still going or why I’m supposed to care about them fighting over and over again? Neither guy is interesting and it seems like a character that exists for the sake of the Presidential elections and nothing more. Total filler here and it’s getting more and more annoying every match.
Backlund and Young celebrate so Titus beats them both up.
Mick Foley apologizes for not being out there for Stephanie but she didn’t need him. He suggests that everyone is barred from ringside tonight and again Stephanie says it’s the first Universal Title match. Rollins comes in and Stephanie wishes him luck.
Raw World Title: Big Cass vs. Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins
The title is vacant coming in and this is under elimination rules. Mick and Stephanie are at ringside as they should be. Cass says he’s shocking the world tonight. The bell rings after a break (THANK YOU!) and Owens immediately heads outside. The Cass vs. Reigns showdown is delayed again as the villains go after the big men and it’s time to pair off.
Seth and Kevin are knocked outside and we get the big showdown with Cass blocking the Superman Punch. A running big boot knocks Reigns outside with Cass falling out as well. Rollins dives onto Cass but Owens drops him onto the barricade, only to have Reigns dive onto Owens and Cass as we take a break. Back with Owens in control and getting two off the backsplash to Cass.
Reigns fights back with his string of clotheslines until Cass kicks his head off. They’ve done a really good job of making Cass look like he belongs here in the first ten minutes. A big boot puts Owens on the floor and the Empire Elbow hits Rollins. The East River Crossing is broken up by a Superman Punch and the low superkick gets two. Owens adds the Frog Splash to get rid of Cass at 13:46. I’m sure Saxton saying he thinks Cass can pull it off a minute earlier didn’t give that away for anyone. Also, I believe that’s the first time Cass has been pinned on the main roster.
Back from a second break with Reigns powerbombing Owens and Rollins for a Tower of Doom. Rollins’ falcon arrow gets two on Roman but the Superman Punch knocks Rollins out of the air for two more. Cole describes this as incredible action for the second time in about a minute.
Owens comes back in with a superkick to Rollins, setting up back to back Cannonballs for another big reaction. The crowd has somehow stayed hot all night and that’s a really good sign. The Superman Punch gets two on Owens and you can hear the crowd’s sigh of relief on the kickout. Owens’ Pop Up Powerbomb is countered with another Superman Punch and Reigns hits a quick sitout powerbomb for two on Seth.
A spear drops Rollins on the floor but here’s HHH of all people to Pedigree Reigns on the floor. HHH throws Rollins back inside for the pin on Reigns at 23:48 (POP!), meaning Rollins needs HHH’s help yet again. HHH throws Owens inside, Pedigrees Rollins and gives a shocked Owens the title at 25:05.
Rating: B+. This is a hard one to grade as they nailed the near falls and the drama to near perfection but I really don’t care for HHH being back AGAIN and presumably setting up HHH vs. Rollins and/or Reigns. That’s the standard problem with HHH: even if someone new is getting a big title win, it’s still about HHH for a long time. However, let’s get to the good part: KEVIN OWENS IS WORLD CHAMPION! Yeah that hasn’t quite sunk in yet but it’s actually happened and that is most certainly a good thing.
HHH leaves and Owens celebrates to end the show.
Overall Rating: B. Make no mistake about it: the main event is the ONLY thing on this show that mattered in the slightest. The only other thing of note was the really awkward Stephanie vs. Heyman promo and I’m still not sure what happened there. They did a really good job with the title match though (HHH involvement aside) and that’s all that matters on this show. A lot of this stuff is going to depend on the fallout but I’m very happy with Owens winning as he’s definitely the most logical option. Good show with a red hot crowd throughout helping it along.
Results
Chris Jericho b. Neville – Liontamer
Nia Jax b. Haion – Fireman’s carry into a powerslam
Sami Zayn b. Jinder Mahal – Helluva Kick
New Day/Bayley b. Dana Brooke/Anderson and Gallows – Bayley to Belly to Brooke
Sheamus b. Cesaro – Cloverleaf
Braun Strowman b. Americano – Faceplant
Darren Young b. Titus O’Neil – Crucifix
Kevin Owens b. Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns and Big Cass – Pedigree to Rollins
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
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Monday Night Raw – August 15, 2016: Stop Me If You’ve Seen This Before Sunday
Monday Night Raw Date: August 15, 2016
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
It’s Summerslam week and Brock Lesnar is here. On top of that things should be back to normal with the full roster back after their Australia/New Zealand tour last week. We should get one last push on all of the big matches, including Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor for the first ever Universal Title. Let’s get to it.
Last week on Raw, Roman Reigns sent Lana into a cake and Seth Rollins didn’t think much of Finn Balor.
Earlier today Rollins was outside waiting for his opponent Finn Balor, or the Demon King. He calls him out for a fight right then and there but no one showed up. Tonight he’ll find Balor instead.
Lana and Rusev are in the ring with Lana saying they’re not leaving the ring until everyone hears what they have to say. There will be no Raw until Reigns comes out here and apologizes. Instead he gets Mick Foley, now in a Have A Nice Raw shirt and with a beard that has its own zip code. Rusev yells a lot and says Foley sucks as a GM. He asks for Stephanie McMahon to come out here instead so here’s the bigger boss to stick up for Foley.
Rusev threatens to call Vince or Shane but here’s Roman to interrupt as well. They insult each other a bit (as heels and faces do) and a USA chant starts up, which is exactly what they were shooting for here. Rusev wants to defend Lana’s honor so Mick makes the match tonight, albeit not for the title.
Sheamus vs. Sami Zayn
Before the match, Sheamus gets some promo time saying Sami is nothing to him because Sami talks a lot on Twitter but he’s just a Sheamus knockoff. Sami throws his shirt at Sheamus and they’re quickly brawling before the bell. Cesaro sits in on commentary as Sami forearms Sheamus in the corner. A headscissors only ticks Sheamus off and he sends Sami back first into the post as we take a break.
Back with Sheamus in control, as a heel should be when you come back from a break. A powerslam gets two on Sami as Cesaro talks about having an offer to go to Smackdown, which a talent like himself deserves. The ten forearms to the chest have Sami in trouble but he knocks Cesaro outside for the big flip dive.
Corey gets on Cesaro for talking about himself a lot and Cesaro brushes him off in a rather heelish manner. White Noise gets two for Sheamus and a Blue Thunder Bomb (Not Michinoku Driver Cole. Even Saxton can get that name right.) gets the same. Sheamus comes back with the Irish Curse but here’s Cesaro for a distraction, setting up the Helluva Kick for the pin on Sheamus at 10:14.
Rating: B-. They were sticking with the basics here but these two doing the basics means a good match. Cesaro teasing the heel turn on commentary is interesting, though I have little reason to believe WWE isn’t going to botch this as well. What’s not interesting is Cesaro vs. Sheamus all over again after Cesaro beat him twice in a row in recent weeks. There’s no logical reason to do the match again but that’s what we’re likely going to get anyway because that’s that we’re stuck with.
Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens say tonight’s match between Owens and Big Cass isn’t one on one because Jericho will have Kevin’s back. Jericho wants to know who certified Enzo as a G. Does he even have a license to be a G? They’re ready for their tag match at Summerslam too and tell Todd/Robert/Brian/Nathaniel so, despite the interviewer being named Tom. Now that was funny.
Post break Cesaro and Sheamus are brawling again when Foley comes in to break it up. Mick loves seeing them fight so we’re getting a best of seven series. AFTER CESARO HAS ALREADY BEATEN HIM TWICE. Egads this booking makes my head hurt.
Dudley Boyz vs. New Day
Non-title and there’s no Big E. at ringside. Before the match, Gallows and Anderson pop up on screen to say they’re trying to cure Ringpostitis. They’re doing everything they can to make sure their results aren’t tainted, including putting eggs in microwaves. They’re well endowed with the right equipment and the ball is in their court. The distraction lets D-Von take over on Woods to start but D-Von clotheslines Bubba by mistake. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise on D-Von for the pin at 1:38.
Post match the doctors’ experiment was a failure and they need more test subjects. Kofi wants to know why these two think this is a game. Summerslam is their anniversary of being champions and there’s no way Anderson and Gallows are getting their hands on New Day’s rocks.
Rollins is still looking for Balor but no one has seen him. This includes Neville, who says Rollins isn’t ready for the Demon King. Seth yells a lot.
Nia Jax vs. Rachel Weaby
Rachel has blue hair, bright green and pink attire and a lot of tattoos. She’s been watching the Olympics and is ready to bring home the gold. Nia throws her around and knocks her off the top with a single shot to the face. Rachel is out cold but Nia brings her back in for the fireman’s carry into a powerslam for the pin at 1:05.
Here are Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar for their big talk before Summerslam. We see Orton and Lesnar trading sneak attacks in recent weeks. Heyman starts his catchphrase….and here’s Heath Slater to interrupt. Paul hopes that someone put Heath up to this because it’s really stupid.
All Heyman can do is laugh as Slater talks about Raw understanding what Smackdown can’t get. Apparently if Slater fights Lesnar tonight, he gets a job. Heyman just ignores him and goes into his promo about Orton but Slater cuts them off again. Heath knows he’s going to get hurt very badly but he has to do this for his kids. Brock actually talks because he can respect Slater fighting for his family. He actually wants to talk about Slater’s kids….who he doesn’t give a censored about.
Slater can walk out of here on his own two feet or stand here and keep ticking Brock off. Heath actually tries to fight and gets suplexed half to death, followed by the F5. Heyman puts on Heath’s sunglasses and praises his courage before laughing at the idea of Orton being a viper. It’s his job to hype up the match on Sunday but Lesnar won’t believe a word Brock says about Orton being a real threat. Brock is the box office at Summerslam and you should buy it to see a once in a lifetime athlete. This FINALLY wraps up with Heyman saying Brock is dominant.
That’s the problem with how Brock has been booked over the last year: if no one, including the reigning WWE World Champion, why in the world would I want to see him fight again? We know the ending because Brock can’t be touched so it gets a little boring. Like Heyman’s speech here, which just kept going and going as Heyman said the same thing he’s said for over a year.
Big Cass vs. Kevin Owens
Before the match, Enzo talks about cooking zucchinis, sausage, burgers, frankfurters and those two pieces of Canadian bacon. Cass shoulders Owens down to start but Kevin knocks him off the apron and into the post as we take a break. Back with Cass breaking up the Cannonball with a boot to the face but getting sent outside again. Owens can’t hit the apron powerbomb and gets backdropped, only to have Jericho jump Cass for the DQ at 6:23. Not enough to rate but Cass looked competitive here and that’s all he needed to do.
Enzo and Cass get beaten down post match.
Reigns is ready to fight no matter what Rusev has ready for him. Rusev jumps him from behind and sends Reigns into a steel wall.
Prime Time Players vs. Shining Stars
Yes they were feuding just a week ago but earlier tonight Titus apologized so they’re back together for a third run. Darren and Epico get things going before it’s quickly off to Titus for a slam. Primo comes in and dropkicks Titus in the knee to take over, only to have Titus splash him in the corner. We get Titus suplexing Darren onto Primo for two but Bob Backlund accidentally distracts Titus, who is knocked off the apron by Darren. The Clash of the Titus plants Young and Primo gets the pin at 2:42.
Jinder Mahal vs. Neville
Neville dropkicks him outside and hits a corkscrew moonsault to the floor. The Red Arrow doesn’t work yet and Mahal kicks him in the face for two. A chinlock goes nowhere and Neville kicks him in the head to set up the Red Arrow for the pin at 2:57.
The bosses casually mention that Jon Stewart will be at Summerslam when Rollins comes in to find the Demon King. Mick suggests that he try it in the ring.
Here’s Rollins to call out Balor and give him one more chance to show himself tonight. No one shows up so Rollins laughs it off and calls this match just another chapter in his book. He’s the face of Balor’s failure but something we can’t see (maybe a fan jumping the barricade) cuts Seth off. Seth keeps laughing and the lights start flickering and go out. Red lights flash and here’s Demon Balor for the first time in WWE.
The fans are getting into the arms pose now and that’s a very good sign. Rollins has no idea what to think of this and Balor, now with writing all over the right side of his body, gets in his face. The fight is on and Balor cleans house as he should in this case. Balor misses the Coup de Grace but hits a flip dive over the top to take Rollins down. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of them having Demon Balor show up here. This match needs some buzz and this is going to do it.
We look back at Lana being sent into the cake last week.
Golden Truth vs. Gallows and Anderson
Gallows and Anderson are in their doctors’ coats. Truth gets kicked in the face to start but gets in the spinning forearm for a breather. It’s a double tag to Goldust and Anderson with Goldust hitting his bulldog and powerslam. Not that it matters as the Magic Killer ends Goldust at 2:18.
New Day comes in for the beatdown post match and it’s Gallows saving Anderson from a trombone to the testicles.
Charlotte talks down to Dana Brooke about wanting a taste of the spotlight. Dana failed her when it mattered the most but Charlotte will win the title anyway. Charlotte leaves Dana in tears.
Alicia Fox vs. Charlotte
Sasha Banks is on commentary. Fox hits some dropkicks to start but gets pulled off the middle rope for two. Natural Selection ends Fox at 1:25.
Charlotte calls Sasha to the ring but Dana takes out Sasha’s knee, setting up the Figure Eight.
Video on Braun Strowman.
Roman Reigns vs. Rusev
Non-title. Roman goes right at him before the bell and kicks Rusev in the face. The apron boot makes it even worse for Rusev but he posts Reigns as we go to a break. We’re joined in progress with Rusev working on Reigns’ bad left arm. Reigns gets choked on the ropes but comes back with a Samoan Drop for a breather. They head outside with Reigns being sent into the steps a few times but Rusev has the US Title taken away from him as we take another break.
Back with Rusev grabbing the mic and saying we’re all Russian wannabes. Rusev chokes Roman with his own ring gear, which isn’t a DQ for reasons that aren’t clear. Roman fights out and knocks Rusev off the top to set up a clothesline to put both guys down. The Superman Punch is countered and Rusev gets two off the spinwheel kick. Four straight middle rope headbutts get four straight near falls for Rusev.
The fifth finally misses and Reigns starts fighting back until a shot to the ribs slows him down. Rusev’s superkick is countered with a Superman Punch for a good near fall. The spear is countered with a few kicks to the head for two more but the Accolade is broken up as well. Another superkick to the back sets up the Accolade until Reigns basically collapses into the ropes. Back up and the spear pins Rusev at 20:39.
Rating: B. It was a solid match with both guys knowing how to do the power stuff but after seeing these two fight each other probably half a dozen times over the last year, I really don’t need to see them fight for thirty minutes on Raw and then watch them in a big pay per view match at Summerslam. Then again I don’t want to see Sheamus vs. Cesaro in four more matches (it’ll be seven) after seeing Cesaro pin Sheamus twice already. At least this was good, but I’m not wild on seeing a champion get pinned clean to set up the title match.
Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one and a lot of that is due to how they’re booking things anymore. Now I really like the idea of the short, squash matches but you can mix things up a little more than that. Maybe have some of these matches go six to seven minutes instead of having six of them go under three.
The bigger problem here is that, aside from Balor vs. Rollins, I don’t care to see any of Sunday’s matches more than I did coming into tonight. How many of these people won’t be appearing on Sunday’s show anyway? Sami, Strowman, Nia Jax, and Neville aren’t likely to be at Summerslam but they get time (albeit very limited time) here because they need to fill in time. I’m hoping they get this stuff fixed soon because they really don’t know how to put a three hour show together at this point.
Results
Sami Zayn b. Sheamus – Brogue Kick
New Day b. Dudley Boyz – Trouble in Paradise to D-Von
Nia Jax b. Rachel Weaby – Fireman’s carry into a powerslam
Big Cass b. Kevin Owens via DQ when Chris Jericho interfered
Shining Stars b. Prime Time Players – Primo pinned Young after a Clash of the Titus from O’Neil
Neville b. Jinder Mahal – Red Arrow
Gallows and Anderson b. Goldust Truth – Magic Killer to Goldust
Charlotte b. Alicia Fox – Natural Selection
Roman Reigns b. Rusev – Spear
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ECW on TNN – June 9, 2000: He’s Still Just Scotty Riggs
ECW on TNN Date: June 9, 2000
Location: Alario Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner
Maybe a trip down to New Orleans can speed things up a bit. As was the case coming into last week, the stories are interesting but they almost never go anywhere. Jerry Lynn as the wildcard in the big stable war has potential though, especially if he gets to be the one that goes after Rhino or Credible next. Scotty Anton continues to be death though and I think everyone knows it. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Joey and Joel do their entrance (the rhyme is about something going in a woman’s eye) and bring out hometown girl Jazz for a chat. She starts talking about how awesome she is until Justin Credible jumps her from behind with the Singapore cane. Justin has to drag Francine off of Jazz before saying he’s doing this because of Tommy Dreamer. If Tommy wants it to stop, come out here and fight. Cue Dreamer but everything is broken up.
Cyrus gives Scotty Anton a match with Raven, suggesting that he give Raven the Clap.
Paul Heyman has been banned from the show but he’s talking on ECW’s website.
Raven wants Anton to know that the world is filled with kings and queens.
Joey and Joel mock TNN’s response to the comments last week.
Scotty Anton vs. Raven
Before the match (and thankfully after a commercial), Cyrus offers Raven a spot in the Network because he used to be a ratings draw. Raven wants to know if he’s going to get some promo time. That’s not possible so Cyrus says he’s going to shake Anton’s hand and then Evenflow him. The match is on fast with Raven pounding away in the corner (Joey: “And the fans counting the viewers in Rollerjam after this show!”).
They head outside with Raven hitting him in the face but missing a middle rope elbow through a table. Back in and Anton slowly stomps away because he’s not talented enough to do anything more interesting. Anton works on the leg which he wraps around the post a few times. At least there’s an idea here. Raven comes back with a few shots to the face and a running knee lift, followed by the drop toehold into the chair. Anton gets out of a backslide though and puts on the Clapper for the surprise tap out.
Rating: C. This was actually better than I was expecting with Anton keeping things simple enough and letting Raven walk him through the match. There’s actually an interesting story with the Network deciding that someone who used to work in WCW had star power but there’s just NOTHING to back it up in the ring.
Da Baldies grew up on the streets and now they want to beat up New Jack. Again.
We get a WAY too long video on Justin Credible/Francine, as in over four minutes straight. I still do not get the appeal here.
The main event is a mystery partner tag match with Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer both getting to pick a surprise partner. Cyrus comes out to offer Rhino’s services to Justin, who may be an annoying character but he’s not stupid. Dreamer has someone of his own though and this really shouldn’t be all that surprising.
Justin Credible/Rhino vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman
The brawl starts on the floor (duh) and it’s actually Rhino vs. Dreamer in the ring as I can’t imagine we see an actual tag match. A neckbreaker puts Rhino down and we’ve already got a ladder. Dreamer and Rhino fight into the crowd, leaving Sandman to be whipped into the ladder. Justin gets the same treatment as the other two come down the steps to get back inside.
A bulldog sends Justin into the ladder and all four are inside for the first time. Sandman drops Rhino with a super hurricanrana but here’s Steve Corino to break up a superplex on Justin. Tajiri comes out for the save, allowing Sandman to suplex Justin onto the ladder. Now it’s Anton to make it 4-3 as we’re waiting on Van Dam. That seems to happen a lot around here. Van Dam comes out a few seconds later and takes out Rhino with a really awkward looking Van Daminator with Rob bending down in front of him for a few seconds until someone throws Rhino a chair. A Five Star Frog Splash lets Sandman pin Rhino.
Rating: D+. Standard wild brawl here with the same people fighting to end the show that always end the show. That’s still the problem around here: it’s always “wait until next week” but next week is always more of the same. They need to actually get somewhere and hopefully that doesn’t mean waiting all the way until Heat Wave.
The Network beats the good guys down with a HORRIBLE Clapper on Van Dam ending the show.
Overall Rating: D+. Here’s the problem with the main event booking: all this happens every single week and it’s clear that Van Dam is gearing up for a huge match at Heat Wave. Who did he wind up getting? Scotty Anton. ECW is fighting for its life and their biggest star is facing Scotty Anton on a pay per view.
I get the idea of building something up but the title matches of Sandman vs. Rhino and Dreamer vs. Credible had been done before. At this point, they might as well have just put the World Title on Van Dam and built to their big title vs. title match. Wasting Van Dam on Anton was just another bad booking choice though and it’s caught up with ECW.
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Monday Night Raw Date: August 1, 2016
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
After last week’s well received show, it should be interesting to see where everything goes with the full time Monday Night Raw roster. Last week Finn Balor made his main roster debut and earned himself a shot in the first ever Universal Title match at the upcoming Summerslam. On top of that, Brock Lesnar is going to be making his first appearance since Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.
We open with a “Last Week On Raw” video, which is a really good idea that I’d love to see become a regular feature, as long as they keep it short.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Sasha Banks to open things up and that belt looks ridiculous on her tiny waist. We have to wait for the YOU DESERVE IT chant to die down before Sasha can talk about herself and Bayley stealing the show last year over Summerslam weekend. That’s going to be the case again this year when she defends against Charlotte at Summerslam. Cue Charlotte who is walking much faster than usual.
That means we get the YOU TAPPED OUT chants before Sasha says she can’t put her finger on what’s different about Charlotte this week. Charlotte says it was a fluke because she was champion for over 300 days. Sasha thanks Charlotte would never have been champion without her dad and here’s…….Chris Jericho to interrupt? Jericho calls Charlotte royalty and thinks she’s done more than Flair ever did. Now we get to the important point: what makes Sasha his boss?
Jericho brings up the Snoop Dogg connection and calls Sasha a brat. Now it’s Enzo Amore coming out without Big Cass to kiss Sasha’s hand. Sasha doesn’t seem to mind the ensuing flirting but Charlotte has heard bad things about Enzo’s love life. This turns into a surreal scene of Jericho impersonating Cass and Sasha impersonating Enzo before it turns into Enzo saying Jericho is like a messed up iPhone.
Jericho calls Enzo a hip hop hobbit so the fans call Jericho a stupid idiot. Enzo talks about going back in time and warning Jericho to not buy that scarf but here’s Foley to cut them all off. Foley: “Enzo is a certified G and I’m a certified GM.” After a cheap plug for Holy Foley, Mick makes a mixed tag for right now.
Enzo Amore/Sasha Banks vs. Chris Jericho/Charlotte
To keep things odd, Kevin Owens is on commentary with Byron’s tie around his neck. The guys start with Enzo scoring off some armdrags before it’s off to Sasha for a quick rollup on Charlotte. Sasha’s chop hurts her own hand so she wristdrags Charlotte down instead. A double clothesline puts the bad people on the floor as Owens talks about wanting to knock Enzo out for interrupting him on Draft night. The double dive puts everyone down and we take a break.
Back with Jericho in control of Enzo until Amore gets two off a cross body and a faceplant to the knee. Jericho dropkicks him out of the air but bangs up his knee in the process, allowing the double tag to the women. Sasha kicks her in the face but here’s Dana Brooke for a distraction. Jericho offers another distraction, setting up Natural Selection for the pin at 9:58.
Rating: C-. I like the match being a very fresh mix but at the same time I REALLY don’t like the new champion getting pinned in her first match as champion. It weakens the new title reign, which is the last thing you want to do, especially when the champion is as on fire as Sasha is right now.
Post match Enzo takes a Codebreaker but Big Cass comes down for the save.
Braun Strowman vs. Evan Anderhold
When asked why he’s here, Evan (better known as Corey Hollis from NXT) says it’s because he gets $1000 and $5000 if he wins. Those numbers serve as great joke material for the announcers during Evan’s massacre, capped off by the reverse chokeslam for the pin at 59 seconds.
Stephanie and Mick talk about how awesome each others’ ideas have been when Mark Henry comes in. Henry thinks it’s time to reopen the Hall of Pain but Stephanie thinks he would be better in a mentorship role. All Mark needs is one more chance so Foley gives him a US Title shot against Rusev.
Golden Truth is still looking for Pokemon but Goldust thinks they should focus on their match instead.
Golden Truth vs. Shining Stars
Goldust and Primo start things off as Truth is still playing Pokemon Go on the apron. Graves mistakenly says Truth is playing inside the ring as Goldust gets in a powerslam to change control. Truth has apparently caught a Pokemon and misses a tag. On top of that he drops his phone and actually goes out to get it as Goldust is waiting for a tag. Epico grabs a sunset flip for the pin at 2:00. Cole: “Pokemon no for Golden Truth tonight.”
Truth finds another Pokemon post match.
Michael Cole brings out Finn Balor for a chat. Finn says he’s here to prove his draft status but Seth Rollins cuts him off. Seth tells us about Balor being a former NXT Champion, though he wasn’t the first NXT Champion because that was Rollins. Balor was also a first round pick but he wasn’t the #1 overall pick because that was Rollins too. Last week Balor pinned Roman Reigns, even though Rollins did the same thing in his first match back after a career threatening injury.
Balor is just like a bad Hollywood remake like the new Ghostbusters. The idea of Balor beating Seth for the title is like the Atlanta Braves winning the World Series. Balor says everywhere he’s gone, there has been someone like Seth, saying they’re the man until Balor comes in and takes that spot. They may have a lot of things in common, but at least Finn earned his spot in the title match instead of having it handed to him. The brawl is about to start but Balor easily kicks him out to the floor to send Seth running. Balor looked like an underdog here, though an underdog that belonged in this spot.
US Title: Mark Henry vs. Rusev
Rusev is defending and Lana is here in her wedding dress. Saxton: “What is she wearing?” Henry throws him around a few times to start and snapping his throat across the middle rope. Back from a break with Henry blocking the Accolade and kicking Henry in the face. Now the Accolade goes on and Henry taps at 6:35. Too much time spent during the break but this was every Henry vs. Rusev match you’ve ever seen.
Post match Rusev rips on the American Olympic teams for not having to face the superior Russian and Bulgarian athletes. This brings out Roman Reigns to a very distinct face pop. Rusev is chased off with a Superman Punch. That face pop has to be a big relief too, because if Reigns can’t get over by standing up for AMERICA, he might as well be running a doughnut shop.
Video on Nia Jax.
Darren Young vs. Titus O’Neil
Earlier today Titus asked the same question everyone has been asking: when was Darren great in the first place? Darren’s chops don’t have much effect and Titus hits a few backbreakers. The splash in the corner gets two and we hit the armbar. A slam gets two on Darren but he comes back with a kick to the face. Both finishers are broken up and Titus grabs a rollup with a handful of trunks for the pin at 3:58.
Rating: D-. Who in the world thought this was a good idea in any way? Neither guy is interesting and it was another spur of the moment heel turn that does nothing for either guy. The fact that it was a boring match because Titus has some of the worst offense in recent memory doesn’t help either.
Stephanie presents Foley with his own tablet when Sheamus comes in to complain about getting overlooked for that US Title shot. Cesaro cuts him off though and says the fans want to see him. Foley says the only reason Cesaro wasn’t drafted so highly was due to that shoulder. Sheamus on the other hand hasn’t had his head in the game since cashing in Money in the Bank. Tonight they’ll have a match and whoever impresses them the most (not whoever wins because that would make too much sense) gets a future title shot.
Backlund yells at Titus for cheating so O’Neil threatens to knock him out. Darren jumps Titus from behind and puts him down with one punch.
Nia Jax vs. Ariel Monroe
Ariel actually laughs at Nia to start and is pulled around the ring by her hair as a result. A fireman’s carry into a powerslam is enough to flatten Monroe at 1:12. That’s a much better finisher than the legdrop.
Post match Saxton asks Nia how it feels to be here so she runs Ariel over again. Nia: “Why don’t you ask her?”
Sami is ready to face Rollins tonight.
New Day vs. Gallows and Anderson
Non-title and Woods is banned from ringside due to drawing a banana out of a bag instead of one of the two oranges. The obvious joke is about to be made but New Day says that’s too serious. Big E. throws Anderson around to start but Karl gets in a cheap shot to take over. We get some Too Sweet but Big E. rolls Anderson up for the pin at 1:19.
Post match the brawl is on with Woods coming out, only to have New Day get destroyed and left laying. Big E. is crotched against the post to really hammer the point home.
Cesaro vs. Sheamus
They trade uppercuts to start with Sheamus getting the better of it. The fans don’t seem entertained though and it’s Cesaro coming back with more uppercuts. Cesaro sends him outside for the cannonball off the apron, only to have the bad shoulder go into the post. Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to the chest, only to be deadlifted into a suplex because Cesaro is freakishly strong. The springboard corkscrew uppercut sets up the Neutralizer to put Sheamus away at 5:58.
Rating: C. How many times do we need to see these two fight each other? Cesaro vs. the winner of Rusev vs. Reigns should be a fun power brawl either way they go, despite Cesaro having next to no chance against either of them. Sheamus really is in need of ANYTHING new at this point as he’s really just a guy in trunks with weird hair.
Cesaro and Sheamus are still brawling after a break, leaving Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal of all people to show up in the ring. Slater promises that 2MB is going to set Raw on fire but here’s Foley to interrupt. Tonight they’re going to have a match and the winner gets a job.
Jinder Mahal vs. Heath Slater
Mahal kicks him in the face for the pin at 14 seconds.
We look back at the mixed tag.
Jericho rants about how Enzo and Cass made fun of him earlier tonight and promises some revenge, you dig? He has someone in mind to watch his back and it’s…..Jimin Marvinluter, a Canadian shot put champion? Kevin Owens comes in to say he has Jericho’s back instead because Jimin Marvinluter isn’t a real person. Oh and Tom Phillips is a stupid idiot for saying his name isn’t Tim.
Sami Zayn vs. Seth Rollins
The big attraction here: they’ve never fought on Raw before, making this completely different than the match they had on Smackdown about six weeks ago. They’re quickly on the floor with Sami hitting his moonsault off the barricade to take over. Rollins sends him into the barricade and then into the corner with a hard whip. Sami is sent outside again and we take a break.
Back with Sami getting caught in the Buckle Bomb, followed by an enziguri to keep him in trouble. That’s not enough for the Pedigree though as Sami climbs the turnbuckle for the tornado DDT, only to have Seth bail to the floor to avoid the Helluva Kick. That’s fine with Sami who hits his flip dive to the floor instead. Back in and the Helluva Kick misses again, setting up the Pedigree for the pin at 11:40.
Rating: C+. I can’t emphasize enough how lame of a finisher the Pedigree is for Rollins. I know that’s become his thing now but it feels like they’re just doing it to set up a match with HHH that really doesn’t have the highest level of interest. It’s a good idea to have Rollins go over various NXT stars to get ready for Balor, but I’m really hoping it doesn’t end with Rollins going over Finn himself. We’ve been there and it’s just not that interesting.
Puff Daddy guest stars next week.
Here’s Paul Heyman to introduce Brock. At Summerslam, Brock is going to entertain the fans. Yes entertain, because his form of entertainment isn’t what you see promoted in WWE. Instead it’s something violent, which isn’t something he should be saying but he can because he’s standing next to Brock. Good point actually. That brings Heyman to Randy Orton, who has this great equalizer called the RKO. All Orton has to do is hit one RKO at Summerslam to shock the world, just like when Brock conquered the Streak at Wrestlemania XXX. Heyman: “If that still bothers you, GET OVER IT ALREADY!”
Paul’s advise for Orton is to take it from the wise old Jew (his words): Lesnar is going to drag him down to Suplex City. Maybe Orton can stay out of the hospital though and can fight again in 2016. Maybe he can do it if he can hit one RKO, but that’s never gonna…..and here’s Orton with an RKO to lay Lesnar out. Yes indeed they made it a whole ONE WEEK before a Smackdown wrestler was on Raw. Orton bails through the crowd to end the show. I’ll give them this: that one RKO with Lesnar being down for a few seconds is better than anything Ambrose got in his buildup.
Overall Rating: C-. So much for Raw being awesome. This was every episode of the show you’ve seen for years with a few more squashes thrown in. It wasn’t terrible by any stretch and the ending segment was a good idea but there was just so much stuff on here that felt like a nothing episode.
The opening gave me some hope that they really were mixing it up but then a match was lost due to Pokemon, Jinder Mahal was back, Rusev squashed Mark Henry AGAIN, a champion got pinned and we were supposed to be excited about a match taking place on this show for the first time ever. Oh and Smackdown invaded. Welcome to the new era.
Results
Charlotte/Chris Jericho b. Sasha Banks/Enzo Amore – Natural Selection to Banks
Braun Strowman b. Evan Anderhold – Reverse chokeslam
Shining Stars b. Golden Truth – Sunset flip to Goldust
Rusev b. Mark Henry – Accolade
New Day b. Anderson and Gallows – Rollup to Anderson
Cesaro b. Sheamus – Neutralizer
Jinder Mahal b. Heath Slater – Kick to the face
Seth Rollins b. Sami Zayn – Pedigree
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