Thought of the Day: The Legend of Brock Lesnar

As you may have heard, Paul Heyman’s client Brock Lesnar conquered the Undertaker’s Streak at Wrestlemania, becoming the 1 in 21-1.  Since then, Brock has been seen once on WWE TV and…..That is the most brilliant thing WWE could have done with him.  For the last three months, Paul Heyman has reminded us of Brock Lesnar.  We’ve heard of him doing the impossible and being the monster that even the Undertaker couldn’t stop.  As time has gone on, that’s the image that people have gotten in their heads: Brock Lesnar as an unstoppable beast that destroyed the Undertaker without breaking a sweat, instead of Brock Lesnar having a war with Undertaker and barely beating him.  The longer you know that he’s lurking, the bigger an impact his return makes.  They’re building up his mystique and that’s the best thing they could have done.

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Cesaro And Heyman Seem To Split

Heyman wasn’t with Cesaro on Raw and the announcers said he had been fired or quit. No word on if this is permanent or not.




Content Listings For Paul Heyman DVD

AKA nine hours of “My client Brock Lesnar conquered the Undertaker’s Streak.”

DISC 1
* Survivor
* Photographer
* Promoter
* Manager
* Memphis
* AWA
* WCW
* ECW
* Team Mentality
* Rebels
* Commentator
* Writer
* OVW
* New ECW
* Businessman
* Father
* Return to WWE
* Embracing the Moment

DISC 2
Paul E. is always in contact
AWA Championship Wrestling • August 1987

Pink Suspenders
AWA Superstars • August 1987

I’ll Be Johnny Carson
AWA Championship Wrestling • August 1987

Danger Zone with Ted E. Bear
AWA Championship Wrestling • September 1987

You want to be a Cartoon?
AWA All Star Wrestling • September 1987

If Excitement Had a Name
AWA Superstars • September 1987

More Publicity
AWA Championship Wrestling • September 1987

Adrian Adonis
AWA All Star Wrestling • October 1987

The Definition of Pro Wrestling
AWA Superstars • November 1987

The Sequel Jim Cornette
NWA Pro Wrestling • October 1988

Nobody Wanted Paul E.
World Championship Wrestling • November 1988

Louisville Slugger
NWA Pro Wrestling • December 1988

The Year of Paul E. Dangerously
World Championship Wrestling • January 1989

Danger Zone with Ric Flair
World Championship Wrestling • March 1989

I’m So Handsome
NWA Main Event • March 1989

I Don’t Have Wrestlers I Have Animals
World Wide Wrestling • March 1989

Ding Dong Who is it?
NWA Main Event • July 1989

The Era of the Dangerous Alliance
World Championship Wrestling • September 1989

Paul Heyman WWE DVD Match Listing, Full ContentSting’s Doll
Power Hour • May 1991

Save Us from Captain Oklahoma
World Championship Wrestling • November 1991

The Dangerous Alliance
World Championship Wrestling • November 1991

The Paul E. Awards
World Wide Wrestling • February 1992

The Ultimatum is at Hand
Pro Wrestling • April 1992

A New Dangerous Alliance
ECW Hardcore TV • October 1993

WCW Wants Sabu
ECW Hardcore TV • June 1994

Wrestler and Violence
ECW Hardcore TV • July 1994

Winds of Change
ECW Hardcore TV • November 1994

Cash Rules Everything
ECW Hardcore TV • December 1994

Best Wrestling You’ve Ever Seen
ECW Hardcore TV • January 1995

There Ain’t No Organization Like ECW
ECW • February 1996

ECW Comes to Pay-Per-View
ECW • February 1997

We Cleared Cablevision!
ECW • March 1998

The Card Has Changed
ECW Guilty As Charged • January 1999

The War Has Just Begun
ECW on TNN • June 2000

DISC 3
Paul Heyman Hates Mr. McMahon’s Stinkin’ Guts
SmackDown • November 15, 2001

Introducing: “The Next Big Thing”
RAW • April 8, 2002

Paul Heyman, Mr. McMahon & Eric Bischoff All Share One Ring
RAW • May 23, 2005

Paul Heyman Thanks the ECW Faithful
ECW One Night Stand • 12 June 2005

The Resurrection of ECW
ECW One Night Stand • June 11, 2006

From the Bingo Hall to the Garden
ECW • September 12, 2006

Mr. McMahon Gives Paul Heyman a Performance Review
RAW • January 28, 2013

Paul Heyman Gives CM Punk His Resignation
RAW • February 11, 2013

It’s Clobbering Time for CM Punk
RAW • July 15, 2013

Volcano
RAW • October 21, 2013

Paul Heyman Drops a Pipe Bomb
RAW • March 3, 2014

The Original Midnight Express vs. The New Midnight Express
Main Event • January 21, 1989

Hardy Boyz vs. Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman
Judgment Day • May 19, 2002

No Disqualification Handicap Elimination Match
CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel & Paul Heyman




Smackdown – April 25, 2014: Marvel Wishes Their Shield Was This Awesome

Smackdown
Date: April 25, 2014
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

Things have started to pick up for Extreme Rules with Kane attacking Daniel Bryan on Monday and Shield throwing down the gauntlet to Evolution. Other than that we have a lot of the card set or obvious as we head into whatever they’re calling PPVs now. Hopefully something actually happens tonight. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Vickie Guerrero to open things up. She says the Authority has the night off and will be giving the Shield a match against eleven people tonight. We’ll get to that later though because it’s now time for the great debate between Paul Heyman and Zeb Colter, accompanied by their respective clients. Zeb goes first and thanks everyone for allowing this to happen but wants to talk about the night after Wrestlemania when these two men attacked him with a change of plans. He says no one knew Cesaro’s name ten months ago when he came to Colter for help. Time runs out as Colter talks about everything he did for Cesaro.

Heyman’s response mainly consists of talking about Brock Lesnar breaking the Streak. He goes on about 15 times with the same statement and the crowd eats it up. Colter: “SHUT UP!” Heyman: “I can’t shut up because if I do, you might not know that my client Brock Lesnar conquered the Streak at Wrestlemania.” When Paul’s time is up, Colter talks about Heyman lying all the time and owing everyone money.

Colter: “Why did you steal Cesaro?” Heyman: “Because I’m the 1 behind the 1 in 21-1 when Brock Lesnar conquered the Streak.” Heyman says Cesaro was already a Paul Heyman Guy when he won the Andre battle royal, which he repeats about 10 times as well. Colter says that’s a lie and turns over his podium. This is between the two of them and Colter wants Heyman to be a man. “I’d be happy to look at you like a man but we’re one man short grandpa.” The managers are about to go at it and are split up as we take a break.

Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger

I’m surprised this wasn’t saved for the PPV. Cesaro shoves him around to start and hits a running uppercut in the corner followed by another to drop Swagger in the corner. Jack sends him out to the floor, only to have Cesaro ram him into the barricade to take over. Swagger fights out of a chinlock and grabs a belly to belly suplex followed by a double arm trap. Cesaro easily powers up and hits a spinning springboard European uppercut to wake up the crowd a little bit.

Jack will have none of that and slams Cesaro down, setting up the Vader Bomb for two. Both guys fall out to the floor and we take a break. Back with Swagger trying to run the corner but getting knocked down for a top rope European uppercut and two. Jack comes right back and tries the Vader Bomb but has to settle for the Patriot Lock when Cesaro raises a boot. Cesaro is quickly out but gets caught in a slam for two. A tiger bomb puts Swagger down and the fans want the Swing. They get what they want and the Neutralizer is good for the pin on Swagger at 8:44 shown of 12:14.

Rating: C. This was better than I was expecting it to be with Swagger continuing to be decent in the ring while working his formula but getting beaten in the end. Cesaro getting a clean win isn’t a bad thing at all, especially when it’s what should be the big blowoff to the story. I’m not sure what Cesaro does at Extreme Rules now though, unless it’s a rematch which isn’t something we really need to see.

Post match we have….Shield? Cesaro leaves as the trio circles the fallen Swagger and the beatdown is on. Swagger takes the Triple Bomb and Ambrose says HHH told them to adapt or perish. Apparently Jack Swagger failed to evolve. Reigns says they’re just getting started.

We look at Bryan being taken out of the arena on Monday. Cole says Bryan had a neck contusion and is already getting better. Bryan will be on Raw Monday.

The same video about Paige from Raw is shown again.

Tamina Snuka vs. Natalya

Natalya easily takes her down into a leg lock to start and hits a bad looking dropkick. Tamina comes back with a kick to the chest to knock Nattie outside and an elbow to the back gets two. The Samoan drop gets a big pop but Natalya rolls away before the splash. Tamina kicks away from a Sharpshooter but gets caught by a discus lariat for two. Natalya springs up from the mat and gets kicked in the throat for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: C-. Better match than I was expecting here until the kick at the end was botched. Tamina is decent enough in the ring to be a first victim for Paige on Sunday and hopefully Paige can have a better match than the messes she’s had over the last few weeks against people like Aksana.

We recap Evolution vs. Shield.

Shield lays out 3MB in the back.

Vickie is on the phone with presumably HHH and is told to take the night off to be replaced by Brad Maddox.

Curtis Axel vs. Jey Uso

Nothing wrong with the singles matches to set up the Tag Team Title match. A quick elbow drops Jey but Axel gets caught in an early chinlock. Curtis shoves him throat first into the ropes and hits a running knee to the face to knock Jey into the corner. Axel drops a running elbow for two but misses a charge into the corner. Jey comes back with some quick strikes until Axel rams him face first into the buckle a few times. The neckbreaker into a cutter is good for the pin on Jey at 3:40.

Rating: D. Very basic match here but it was only kind of interesting. The problem here is Axel and Ryback have won like two tag matches and are now the #1 contenders because they’ve cleaned out most of the division in that winning streak. It amazes me how the division can go from hot to this in a matter of months, but it’s what happens when you have teams beat each other at random and don’t let two teams get built up.

Video on the Saudi Arabia trip.

Bolieve video.

Here are the Wyatts with something to say. The spotlight shows a cage around the ring and Bray starts talking about how love determines the power you have. Love is a wildfire with beautiful flames and a fine wine that brings warmth to those who drink it. You have to live it and feel it to know it’s real. Cena needs to get the people to love him so they’ll do anything for him and that’s exactly what he’s done.

Now he’s lost their love though and Bray loves his style. On Monday Cena’s people put him in a three on one handicap match like a piece of meat being thrown to the wolves. Bray’s words are razor blades and they’re working just like he planned for them to. He and Cena have a date with destiny at Extreme Rules and the cage will define their world.

All the blood, sweat and tears Cena has shed to fight for the people has led them here, trapped in a box like a rat with a snake. Bray lays on the middle rope and says Cena’s nightmares have become Bray’s dreams come true. One by one the fans will all follow Wyatt, who says he can see them from the top of the cage. Bray starts singing and the fans join in to complete the awesome segment.

Wyatt Family vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

Cody starts by dropkicking Luke’s leg out before it’s off to Goldust to hammer on Rowan. A bulldog drops Erick again and it’s back to Cody as the brothers start working on the arm. Rowan slams him into the mat and Bray gets on the mic to ask if the fans are impressed by what they see. Harper catapults Cody’s throat into the middle rope before it’s back to Rowan to crank on the neck.

Bray is yelling at the fans as Harper puts Cody in the Gator Roll. Rhodes finally fights up and hits the Disaster Kick to bring in Goldust off the hot tag. Goldust dives on both Wyatts as everything breaks down. Harper rolls Goldie up for two but gets caught in a powerslam for another two. Cody goes up top but Luke sends Goldust into the corner to knock Cody to the floor. The discus lariat is good for the pin on Goldust at 5:07.

Rating: D+. It’s nice to see the Wyatts getting back to what made them awesome and I’m ok with the Rhodes Brothers wrapping up their run as a team. There’s nothing left for them to do, but it does make me think the Outlaws’ reign was completely worthless and the titles should have gone from the Brothers to the Usos.

Shield takes out Brad Maddox.

Santino Marella/Emma vs. Fandango/Layla

No match as Shield jumps Fandango and gives him the Triple Bomb off the stage through some tables. That should write him off TV for awhile.

Adam Rose is coming.

We look at Bryan getting injured on Monday.

Shield vs. Alberto Del Rio/Ryback/Titus O’Neal/Damien Sandow/Bad News Barrett

Axel has been attacked in the back as well so it’s 5-3. Ryback takes Rollins down with a headlock but a dropkick puts Ryback down, allowing Shield to start making their fast tags. Ryback catches Rollins diving off the top for a slam and it’s off to Titus for more power. He misses an elbow drop though and it’s off to Ambrose for some knees to the face. Reigns gets two off a clothesline before Dean comes in again. Titus drives him into the corner as the announcers actually hype up the PPV six man. Everything breaks down for a few seconds and Shield clears the ring as we take a break.

Back with Barrett putting Ambrose in a chinlock before getting two off a big boot. Del Rio comes in for a quickly broken chinlock followed by the enziguri for two. Dean is sent to the floor before being thrown back in so Ryback can splash him for two. We hit another chinlock followed by a spinebuster for two as Rollins makes the save. Dean avoids a charge in the corner and makes the tag to Reigns to clean house.

Everything breaks down with the Shield in control and Reigns hitting the running boot to the apron on Sandow. Del Rio and Barrett look to charge Roman but Rollins gets on the apron and they bail. Rollins dives on Ryback and both he and Ambrose dive on Titus and Sandow. Reigns nails the Superman Punch to Del Rio on the stage and it’s Sandow being sent back into the ring. A dropkick from Ambrose sets up the spear for the pin at 10:20 shown of 13:50.

Rating: C+. Now THIS is what the Shield needs to do before the match against Evolution. They may have had some issues for part of the match but by the end it was a decimation of five names with a former World Champion in the mix. This was a team dominating to set up a showdown with another team that could dominate anyone they face. Want to find out what happens? Watch Extreme Rules. It’s that simple and they made it work here.

Titus and Ryback get speared as well and the latter takes the Triple Bomb to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was all about setting up the PPV and it worked very well. I’m fired up for the six man and I want to see the other matches even more now. The wrestling wasn’t all that great but it wasn’t that kind of a show. Shield taking over is something that hasn’t gotten old yet and that’s the big story for the night. It’s an entertaining show that set up future stuff which is a good use for Smackdown.

Results
Cesaro b. Jack Swagger – Neutralizer
Tamina Snuka b. Natalya – Superkick
Curtis Axel b. Jey Uso – Neckbreaker into a cutter
Wyatt Family b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Discus lariat to Goldust
Shield b. Ryback/Alberto Del Rio/Titus O’Neal/Bad News Barrett/Damien Sandow – Spear to Sandow

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Smackdown – April 11, 2014: We Need A Gas Station

Smackdown
Date: April 11, 2014
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

WWE is on a roll right now and the main story is Shield/Bryan facing off against Evolution with Kane taking Flair’s place. Other than that we’re likely to get more from the newest Paul Heyman Guy Cesaro, which was one of the most interesting things to come out of Raw. Also WWE seems to be bringing up new people from NXT so maybe we’ll get another debut tonight. Let’s get to it.

 

 

We open with the In Memory graphic for Warrior. Cole does a voiceover offering condolences to his fans and announces that Raw will be a tribute show. I’m so glad he got that one moment last week so this can actually feel genuine. Warrior passed away after this was taped so there won’t be any references to his passing during the show.

 

 

Opening sequence.

 

 

Here’s John Cena to get things going. Cena says the fans sound tired but he asks if they’re ready to go. Wrestlemania XXX started with the most iconic moment John Cena has ever seen with Hogan, Rock and Austin standing together in the middle of the ring. Cena lists off some other highlights from the show before getting to Bray Wyatt. Bray tried to turn a man into a monster but he still can’t see Cena.

 

 

We also saw the Streak broken, but then we saw the Game get played and a NEW WWE Champion. That was just Wrestlemania, because everything really went down on Raw. We turned Silver into Super, believed in the Shield, found out that Brock Lesnar was the one and heard the WWE Universe change his theme music. On top of that, on Monday John Cena was taught to Bo-Lieve, found out what you need to have a party, saw a big man named Alexander Rusev and the Divas division finally turned the Paige.

 

 

Cena lists off various nicknames and says he’s none of those things. He’s the standard bearer and measuring stick. If someone wants to stand on top of the WWE mountain, they have to go through him to get there. Cue the Wyatts with Harper saying time heals all wounds. Unfortunately, Cena has just given them more time to hurt him. Bray wishes he could feel pain sometimes but he’s different.

 

 

We all should embrace our differences and now he can’t stop smiling after losing at Wrestlemania. He feels so good because he saw that Cena isn’t hollow inside. Bray sees a lot of things inside himself and is thrilled because Cena is just one push away from becoming a monster. Wyatt will have to go to further extremes to make Cena because that monster, so hang on because this ride is just starting. He’s got the whole world in his hands.

 

 

We get some headlines about the Streak ending.

 

 

Big Show vs. Cesaro

 

 

Heyman does Cesaro’s intro and the King of Swing comes out without music. Paul brags about guiding Lesnar to a victory over Undertaker and says how it allowed him to pick the next big thing in Cesaro. They shake hands to start as Heyman joins commentary. Cesaro bounces off Big Show and falls to the floor. A loud chop knocks Cesaro off the apron but he gets back inside and tries to suplex Big Show from the apron.

 

 

That goes as well as you would expect and Big Show suplexes him to the floor, only to have Cesaro land on his feet. He tries a sunset bomb but Show sits on his chest to crush Cesaro against the apron for two. Cesaro bails from the KO Punch and has a meeting with Heyman. Paul’s advice: take his air. Back from a break with Show charging into a boot in the corner and getting caught in a sleeper.

 

 

Show drives him into the corner to break but misses a charge and gets put in the sleeper again. The giant shakes him off again and runs Cesaro over, only to have the chokeslam countered into a third sleeper. Heyman actually gives us some backstory by saying he had given Cesaro the advice that won him the battle royal. Big Show misses a middle rope splash and Cesaro loads up the Swing, only to have Jack Swagger run in for the DQ at 8:35.

 

 

Rating: C-. Cesaro not winning by pin is fine here as he held his own against a big name and even got the win. The match with Swagger will close the Real Americans chapter and give us a good moment when he swings Jack. Heyman is just so perfect as the guy bragging about his clients and makes you want to watch Cesaro even more.

 

 

Show cleans house but gets caught by some uppercuts from Cesaro, setting up the Neutralizer to a gasp from the crowd.

 

 

Los Matadores vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

 

 

The announcers talk about being Bo-Lievers despite no vignette airing. Ryback throws Diego around to start but gets caught by a dropkick. Not that it has much effect though as Ryback powerslams Diego down for two before tagging Axel in for the first time. A clothesline to the back of the head gets two and it’s back to Ryback who gets two off a clothesline of his own. We hit the chinlock for a bit before a charge in the corner gets two on Diego.

 

 

Back to the chinlock from Ryback as this has been one sided so far. Diego fights up and makes the tag to Fernando for almost no reaction at all. Fernando cleans house and gets two on Axel with a leg trip DDT. Torito dives onto Ryback but gets caught in midair, only for Fernando to make the save. The distraction lets Axel hit his neckbreaker into a cutter for the pin at 5:00.

 

 

Rating: D-. What a dull match. Neither team means anything at all and they’re getting less and less interesting every time they’re out there. Los Matadores aren’t even that good in the ring anymore as they just do basic stuff and shout OLE a lot. Ryback could work well if given the chance on his own, but Axel just has nothing right now.

 

 

Van Dam says stuff is changing but it’s cool when you’re RVD.

 

 

Damien Sandow vs. Rob Van Dam

 

 

Sandow elbows him in the jaw to start but gets his head kicked off for his efforts. Rob poses but gets rolled up for two, only to get caught by Rolling Thunder. Another kick to the face sends him into the barricade but he comes back with some shots to the knee. Wind-Up Elbow gets two on Rob but he comes back with a rollup and another kick. Sandow breaks up the Five Star but gets shoved off when trying a superplex, setting up the Five Star for the pin at 4:22.

 

 

Rating: D+. Just a match to more firmly establish that Van Dam is back. There’s only so much you can get back out of beating Sandown though. The only good thing for Sandow is that he’s getting to the point where they’re going to repackage him after losing so much. It’s a bad way to go but it’s modern WWE.

 

 

Adam Rose vignette.

 

 

It’s Hogan time. Hulk praises Daniel Bryan’s performance at Wrestlemania and says he turned it into Yes-tlemania. The sight of Bryan holding both titles up gave him chills, so here’s Bryan in person. Daniel wants to tell the Hulkster something: this has been the best week of his life. He’s getting married soon and he just won the title in the main event of Wrestlemania.

 

 

Daniel talks about growing up watching wrestling and seeing Hogan as the biggest star in the world. He prayed every night to be able to main event Wrestlemania and took his vitamins to get 24 inch pythons. Bryan has been a Hulkamaniac since before he can remember but there’s one thing that would make it even better. He asks for Hogan’s music to be played and the posing begins. This is another of those things that never stops making me smile.

 

 

The second hour begins with another In Memory graphic for Warrior.

 

 

Bad News Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston

 

 

Barrett does the catchphrase to start but gets kicked down for his efforts. Some more kicks have the same effect and the Boom Drop connects for good measure. Bad News bails from Trouble in Paradise before laying out Kofi with the Bull Hammer for the pin at 2:10. That was Barrett’s only big move of the match.

 

 

We get the Thank You video from Raw which is a nice touch.

 

 

Santino Marella vs. Fandango

 

 

Apparently Fandango has dumped Summer Rae and replaced her with Layla. Not a horrible trade. Santino hammers away to start as the announcers talk about the dictionary. The hiptoss looks to set up the Cobra but Layla steals the sock, allowing Fandango to grab a rollup for the pin at 1:30.

 

 

Video on Paige about how she’s the anti-Diva. If nothing else we get to see what the Paige Turner is supposed to look like. This transitions into a video from Monday of the title change.

 

 

Adam Rose is still coming.

 

 

We recap the end of Raw with Shield officially turning face by attacking HHH and pals.

 

 

On Main Event, Shield said they were prepared for war with the Authority’s injustice.

 

 

Back live with Kane telling Batista and Orton that they need to put their differences aside and fight their common enemies. He wants Bryan for himself but Orton and Batista both want him for themselves. Kane says that’s what’s wrong with them because they all need each other.

 

 

Usos/Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton/Batista/Kane

 

 

Batista shoves Jimmy into the corner to start as we hear about HHH battling with Shield over Twitter. Off to the injured Jey who takes a shot to his bad ribs as the heels take over. Orton comes in and stomps away before ripping off the tape. We take a break and come back with Kane knocking Jey out of the air with an uppercut for two. Back to Orton for a catapult into the bottom rope and another two count.

 

 

Randy shrugs off a chop and dropkicks Jey down before tagging Kane back in again. That goes nowhere so here’s Orton again for a chinlock with a body vice followed by the powerslam for two. Daniel offers a distraction though and Jey nails a Samoan drop. Kane can’t break up the hot tag and it’s hot tag to the World Champion. Bryan kicks Kane to the floor for the FLYING GOAT before the Usos dive on the other heels as well. The brawl continues on the floor and it’s a double countout at 9:00 shown of 12:00.

 

 

Rating: C-. Basica formula stuff here though I’m not sure why we couldn’t have Bryan hit a knee on one of the guys for the pin or at least slide back in to beat the count. Either way, at least he didn’t get destroyed and the Usos didn’t get pinned either. I’ll take the draw over a champion getting beaten any day.

 

 

Orton and Batista lay out the Usos post match but the Shield runs in to stop Kane from chokeslamming Bryan through the table. Shield chases off the other guys as well and Kane takes the running knee followed by the Triple Bomb to end the show.

 

 

Overall Rating: C. This show wasn’t bad but they were clearly out of steam at this point. This was really just a supplement to everything else that had happened in the last few days and a sequel to Raw minus the interesting stuff. It’s certainly not a bad show or anything like that but there’s nothing worth seeing here.

 

 

Results

 

Cesaro b. Big Show via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

 

Ryback/Curtis Axel b. Los Matadores – Neckbreaker into a cutter to Fernando

 

Rob Van Dam b. Damien Sandow – Five Star Frog Splash

 

Bad News Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer

 

Fandango b. Santino Marella – Rollup

 

Usos/Daniel Bryan vs. Kane/Batista/Randy Orton went to a double countout

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

 

 

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

 




Back From Raw

A few notes.1. Ryback beat Dolph Ziggler and Titus O’Neil beat Kofi Kingston in the dark matches.

2. Paul Heyman is AMAZING and owned the crowd.

3. The place went nuts for Paige.

4. “No Zeb.  I’m a Paul Heyman guy” was the non-Bryan moment of the night.  I’m not sure what they’re going to do though as he’s still a heel.  It’s a perfect fit though and most importantly there’s no Jack Swagger.

5. There were Adam Rose and Bo Dallas vignettes.  I didn’t so a “coming soon” graphic for Dallas though.  He seems like a motivational speaker or something.  The fans were WAY into Rose.

6. Rusev was impressive and Lana is hot in person.

7. The roof went off when Shield came out.

8. I’m not sure if you could hear it but the fans were singing JOHN CENA SUCKS to the trumpet part (as in the duh duh nuh nuh.  The part before Your time is up, my time is now) of his song throughout the night.

9. I had a blast.

10. Oh and NO STING SO SHUT UP ABOUT HIM ALREADY!

11. Oh and I met Bob Backlund.  Twice.




Wrestlemania XXX Preview: Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar

I’ve ranted enough about the complaints for the build.It’s Wrestlemania.  Of course Undertaker wins.

Seriously what else do you want here?  It’s going to be a brutal fight and the Streak continues, sending Undertaker into seclusion until next February, save for an appearance tomorrow night on Raw.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Clash of the Champions at Amazon for just .99 at:

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Wrestler of the Day – March 18: Brock Lesnar

We’re going into Beast Mode today. It’s Brock Lesnar.

Brock started off in OVW as part of the Minnesota Stretching Crew with partner Shelton Benjamin. They proved to be an awesome tag team and would work dark matches on Raw, such as this one from May 15, 2001.

Minnesota Stretching Crew vs. Disciples of Synn

Shelton and Damien get things going with Benjamin speeding things up. He hits a bad looking dragon whip before it’s off to Brock for some BIG suplexes on both Disciples. Back to Shelton for a double Rock Bottom on Payne, only to have Damien pop in for a sitout spinebuster. Damien gets two off a spinebuster to Shelton before it’s back to Payne for an Impaler DDT.

Synn (Jim Cornette’s future wife) chokes Shelton before Damien snaps off a suplex. Benjamin comes back with a sunset flip to both Disciples at the same time. The hot tag brings in Brock as everything breaks down. Brock cleans house and press slams Synn, setting up the Shooting Star to Payne (he was over halfway across the ring. That’s not human) for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t much to see but Brock’s flip was INSANE. The Disciples weren’t much to see but Synn was absolutely hated in the OVW region and that’s all they needed to work. Brock and Shelton would of course be far more famous in the future but unfortunately the Shooting Star wasn’t famous for the right reasons.

Brock would debut in the WWF the night after Wrestlemania XVIII. He would destroy everyone in sight, setting up his first match against Jeff Hardy at Backlash 2002.

Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is still using generic ominous music here. Hardy goes right at him and is easily thrown to the floor. Hardy tries to speed it up but dives into Lesnar’s arms. He manages to ram Brock into the post and hits a top rope cross body back in for two. Brock shrugs that off and rams Hardy into the corner with the shoulders.

The destruction begins as Brock throws him around and Heyman yells that it’s Lita’s fault. Jeff gets in some punches but he can’t do much with them. A Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere puts Lesnar down as does the jawbreaker. Swanton gets two so it’s chair time. Brock picks him up with ease and hits the F5. Three powerbombs and it’s called off.

Rating: C+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: a way to make Lesnar look completely awesome and dominant. Those powerbombs were awesome and Jeff’s masterful selling helped them all that much more. Throw in Lita looking especially great and this worked quite well.

His first major challenge would be the King of the Ring tournament, where he would make the finals against Rob Van Dam.

KOTR Finals: RVD vs. Brock Lesnar

Ok, does ANYONE here think RVD can win? If you do, you’re a freaking idiot. Van Dam uses his kicks to start and goes for the legs which makes sense I guess. And there we are as Lesnar just beats the tar out of him. We go through the standard beating that you would expect as they’re keeping things simple here. Why do otherwise I guess? Lesnar hits all of his big power stuff and it works quite well.

He hits the bearhug but Van Dam gets out, making him better than Hogan I guess. RVD makes his comeback and actually hits the Five Star, but Heyman interferes and snaps his neck over the ropes. The problem is that RVD lands on Lesnar for the cover and it gets a long two. See, that’s smart and clever as they make Lesnar look strong by having him kick out, especially when Van Dam rarely covers right after the move anyway.

That’s well thought out and it maks Lesnar look good. Van Dam goes up but gets caught in an F5 which looked great for the pin to give Brock the crown in a 6 minute match. Can we please have a long one? Would it kill you?

Rating: C+. They kept Brock protected here and it worked fine. He’s kind of like Sheamus but not really. They’re not letting him be in there too long at a time and it’s letting him look awesome without being able to pick out his mistakes and flaws that really are pretty obvious. This was fine for what it was as Brock is more or less catapulted into the main event picture off of one win.

Now the King, and #1 contender for the WWE Championship at Summerslam 2002, Brock would get a bit bigger match on Smackdown on August 8, 2002.

Brock Lesnar vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan has talked Brock into putting the title shot on the line earlier in the night.. Heyman: “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?????” They circle each other for awhile until Hogan is shoved out of a lockup. Brock takes him down and stomps away but Hogan no sells a slam. A bunch of right hands knock Lesnar into the corner and a clothesline gets two. It’s not often that you see Hogan get a near fall. Lesnar is sent outside but a Heyman distraction allows Brock to crotch Hogan against the post.

He stomps away at Hogan and tells the fans to cheer for their hero. They head outside so Brock can set up the announce table but it gives Hogan the breather he needs. Brock is sent into the steps but he comes back with a running powerbomb out of the corner for two. It’s already Hulk Up time but Brock is up before the legdrop.

Hogan escapes the F5 and hits the boot/legdrop but Brock THROWS Hogan off at two. Heyman breaks up another legdrop attempt and there’s the F5. Lesnar won’t cover, even when Heyman shouts not to waste time because Hogan is different. There’s a bearhug and for one of the only times I can remember, the arm goes down three times to give Lesnar the win.

Rating: C. That would be Hogan’s last match for six months. It’s definitely a big win because of how it happened and to whom, but Hogan had already tapped out to Angle at King of the Ring, so it’s not like this was unheard of. Still though, it’s Hogan getting knocked out by a hold which isn’t something you see every day.

Next up was the title shot against Rock at Summerslam 2002.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar has his agent Paul Heyman with him. Rock charges into the ring and walks into a belly to belly suplex for two. Lesnar hits a pair of backbreakers for two and we head to the floor with Brock clotheslining him into the crowd. Apparently Rock has bad ribs coming into this match. Back in and Brock hits another overhead belly to belly suplex for two before dropping some elbows. A powerslam puts Rock down for two as this is one sided so far. Brock fires off some shoulder in the corner but misses a charge and hits the post.

Rock hits a belly to back suplex of his own and both guys are down. Both guys nip up at the same time and Rock isn’t sure what to think. Rock hits some clotheslines but it takes three of them to finally drop Brock. The champion hooks a Sharpshooter and Brock is in trouble. Heyman throws in a chair which distracts Rocky, allowing Lesnar to to get out and blast Rock in the ribs with the chair. Off to the bearhug which ended Hogan and takes Rock down to the mat here.

The fans are entirely behind Lesnar here which is very strange to hear. Rock doesn’t let his arm drop a third time and now we get a Rocky chant. The champion finally escapes the hold but gets a hard shoulder into the ribs to slow him down again. Rock comes out of the corner with a running clothesline and the crowd reaction is mixed at best. A series of right hands knocks Lesnar out to the floor and Rock loads up the announce table. After scaring Heyman to death, Rock launches Lesnar face first into the post.

There’s a Rock Bottom through the table for Heyman and the announcers couldn’t be happier. Back in and the Rock Bottom hits Lesnar for a VERY close two. The fans shift affiliation again, now cheering for Brock. Their current hero hits a Rock Bottom of his own for two and both guys stagger to their feet. Rock hits the spinebuster but as he loads up the Elbow, Brock pops up and hits a HUGE clothesline. Here comes the F5 but Rock escapes and tries the Rock Bottom. That and another attempt at the same move are both countered and the F5 gives Lesnar the title.

Rating: B-. The match was just ok until the very hot finish, but the last two minutes or so made up for a lot of the earlier problems. This was a great example of how to make a guy like Lesnar look like a monster. Rock left to film The Rundown immediately after this so Lesnar was the only one left standing. Great way to put Brock over here and a pretty solid match overall.

Brock’s first opponent was the Undertaker, who he faced inside the Cell at No Mercy 2002.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

In the Cell remember. Taker keeps lunging at Brock and gets taken to the mat for his trouble. Big powerslam gets two for the champion and there’s the cast to Lesnar’s ribs after he misses a charge in the corner. Brock tries to escape but can’t get out so he hammers on the arm instead. He goes with an armbar which isn’t something you often see in a Cell match.

Taker blasts him in the head with it which is a double edged sword. Actually it’s a hard cast but you get the metaphor. Brock is busted BAD. Heyman is all freaked out. Brock is bleeding but there’s been worse in ECW so I guess he’s mellowed. They hit the floor and Taker beats the tar out of him and covers on the floor for two. You can do that? I don’t remember that before.

More cast shots which all of a sudden don’t hurt him. I guess he’s lucky that the shot he got kicked in sometime between the first big shot with it and this set of them. Lesnar gets put in place for the apron legdrop but Taker goes up and drops a knee (I think) from the top instead for two on the floor again. Heyman shouts at Brock to get away from Taker. Taker kicks Heyman through the cage in a nice shot.

He follows that up by grabbing Paul’s tie and pulling on it to slam him into the cage. Taker gets out of the way of a charging Brock who crashes into Heyman too. Dang he’s taken a beating tonight. Brock gets a good shot in though and sends him into the cage. Heyman is busted open too. He slips his belt in and ties Taker up with it so Lesnar can annihilate him a bit. Heyman shouting YOU’RE GONNA DIE is great stuff.

Lesnar, a 300lb beast, swings a chair about ten times to drill Taker’s hand each time. So in other words, Taker is probably in need of major surgery now on it. Let’s see if it hurts at all. Brock gets the cast off or at least tries to. Heyman sounds demonic out there. There goes the cast completely as they’re actually in the ring now.

In a cool spot, Brock sits him on the top rope and uses the top of the cage to lift himself up and throw kicks at Taker. Taker blocks a superplex despite being more or less dead. He knocks Lesnar to the mat and manages to drop an elbow off the top with the right hand and seems to be just fine. Shocking isn’t it? I’m not used to seeing Taker’s bare hand. Taker kicks Brock into the cage and has momentum again.

Taker dives through the ropes and more or less completely misses but Brock sells it anyway. Cole thinks Taker’s broken right hand could be a weakness for him. Wow indeed. Steps to the head take Taker down again and busts him open. More steps to the head and Taker is more or less done. His face is COVERED in blood.

Back in the ring Brock gets a big spinebuster for two. ZERO pop for the kickout. And naturally Taker is able to throw big right hands and is “running on adrenaline” apparently. Oh give me a break. The blood on the camera is always a nice touch. Old School is blocked and Brock takes over again. Tazz: Undertaker has never been pinned or submitted. What the heck is this guy on?

F5 is reversed into a chokeslam for two which gets a bigger pop than the kickout did a minute ago. Brock goes for a Last Ride and is reversed. DDT gets two. Sweet GOODNESS Taker is bleeding badly. Brock does the punches in the corner which Taker counters with the Last Ride for two as Brock’s bloody hand grabs the rope.

In something SICK on the cover, Taker’s blood drips onto Brock’s face. That’s not good at all and really isn’t safe in the slightest. That’s a big reason as to why the blood policy is a good thing. Taker goes for the Tombstone and Brock is like screw this let’s end it and counters it before literally throwing Taker onto his shoulders for the F5 to retain. We then get what is supposed to be an iconic scene as he grabs the title and climbs to the top of the Cell where he holds it over his head to end the show.

Rating: C. Hard one to call here as the match itself is more or less crap. It’s about 27 minutes long and at least 15 of that is spent on the floor. Taker’s hand thing was eye rolling levels of stupid as all of a sudden a shot is able to heal 5 chair shots from Brock Lesnar to a broken hand. Brock looked great here, but the main reason this is a decent grade is the blood.

If you like bloody matches, RUN out and find a copy of this show. Taker’s blood is absolutely insane as you can’t see his face and it looks like there’s a hole in his forehead. It’s a big brawl but Taker was really looking bad out there, both from how his face looked to how he was working. I didn’t like the match, but the blood was insane.

Brock would lose the title to Big Show at Survivor Series 2002 when Heyman turned on him. His only path back to the title was winning the Royal Rumble, which Brock did with relative ease. This earned him a showdown with Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania XIX.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

If Angle is disqualified or counted out or if anyone interferes, he loses the title. Lesnar has slightly injured ribs and Cole’s voice is almost gone. Brock sends him into the corner to start but Kurt takes him down to the mat with a front facelock. They fight over an armbar with neither guy being able to get extended control. Now it’s a fight over a headlock as the fast paced mat work continues.

Lesnar rolls Angle off and it’s a standoff. Brock takes him down with an armdrag into an armbar but Kurt grabs a rope. He pounds away at Brock’s back but Lesnar fires off some shoulders into Angle’s ribs in the corner. A powerslam puts Angle down for two but Angle comes right back with a German suplex. After Brock hits a fast gorilla press, Angle hits another German to send Brock’s ribs into the buckle.

Angle goes after the ribs like a barracuda, stomping away in the corner before hooking a chinlock with a bodyscissors. He shifts it into a kind of crossface grip before into a chinlock. A knee to Brock’s back sends him out to the floor but as they come back inside, Brock plants him down with a spinebuster. Lesnar fires off some clotheslines and shoulders in the corner, only to charge into an elbow. Brock is fine with that by snapping off an overhead belly to belly and another one for two.

Kurt comes back with Rolling Germans and Brock is spent. Angle’s neck is bothering him though and you can see his eyes not looking right. The Angle Slam is countered into an F5 attempt but Angle reverses that into the ankle lock. Brock gets the rope but Angle pulls him back without the hold being broken. For some reason that’s ok with the referee and Kurt switches it up to a half crab. Brock finally kicks Angle away and launches him out to the floor.

The champ hits a SWEET release German on Brock for two and the Angle Slam gets the same. Lesnar comes back with the Angle Slam for two of his own as the fans are getting way into this now. Back to the ankle lock by Kurt and he hooks the grapevine for good measure. Brock somehow makes it to the rope, which I believe is the only time anyone has escaped the grapevine version of the ankle lock.

F5 is countered into a small package but the Angle Slam is countered into another F5 which connects for no cover. Instead Brock goes to the top rope for the famous spot of the match, as he completely botches a Shooting Star Press, landing square on his head. With Lesnar’s brains somewhere in Bermuda, Angle covers for two. Lesnar stands up, hits another F5, and wins the title before heading off for medical attention. The gone look on Brock’s face is terrifying.

Rating: B+. It’s another very good match, but it’s still not a masterpiece. The botch is the main thing that people remember but the match is still very good for the most part. Angle competing in this condition was freaking STUPID at the end of the day and it’s no wonder that he’s basically insane now. Very good match though and a good way to start Lesnar’s second title reign.

The next month Brock would defend against this upstart phenom who you may have heard of.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

 

This would be a very different match today. I mean imagine: CENA ON SMACKDOWN? That’s hilarious. Cena comes out in a Yankees jersey and raps about being better than Sammartino. He’s iron like the Sheik and has us in his camel clutches. Cena jumps him from behind and we’re ready to go. This is Lesnar’s first defense since Mania. Lesnar grabs him into a backbreaker and hits two of them followed by a fallaway slam.

 

Brock hooks a front facelock on the mat and the fans think this is boring. That’s so weird to hear in a Cena match. A kind of fisherman’s suplex puts Cena down. Lesnar hits a gorilla press and we head outside. Cena goes into the announce table as this has been ALL Brock for the first few minutes. Back in Cena avoids a clothesline and heads right back to the floor. John manages to reverse a whip into the steps and gets a breather.

 

Brock is bleeding from a bandaged cut he had coming in. Belly to back gets two for the challenger. Cena knocks him to the floor and rams Brock’s head into the post again. That gets two so it’s chinlock time. Brock has a cut that looks like the kind Hogan used to get: it’s all jagged. The hold doesn’t last long as Lesnar charges into a big old spinebuster which puts both guys down.

 

Cena comes back with a clothesline for two. Now the Dr. is getting frustrated so he puts on a rear naked choke of sorts. Cena’s eyes look crazy here. Brock gets up and rams Cena’s back into the corner three times to break the hold. That would be opposite corners which makes it even more impressive. Brock gets all fired up and hits a bunch of clotheslines and a spinebuster for two. Powerslam gets the same. Brock almost gets rammed into the referee but he puts on the brakes. Low blow gets two for Cena and the Throwback gets two. Cena picks up the chain but as it’s taken away he walks into the F5 for the pin.

 

Rating: B-. Not bad here but man is it weird to see Cena as such an underdog. This wasn’t really a match with a chance of having a new champion, but rather giving Brock a good first match as champion. Cena was obviously going to get better but for a first time out there, this was fine. Why they don’t do this more often today is beyond me. Why not throw out something like Kofi for a title match if you have a bigger main event such as Rock vs. Goldberg.

Next up was a triple threat title match against Kurt Angle and Big Show at Vengeance 2003.

WWF World Title: Big Show vs. Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

This is No DQ which is announced just as the match is about to begin. Big Show is the only villain coming into this match. Angle and Lesnar stare each other down before double teaming Big Show. Kurt is sent to the floor and a quick chokeslam gets two on the champion. Angle is back in now and pounds away on Show but can’t hook the German suplex on the monster. A cross body is caught by Show but Angle escapes the slam attempt and tries the ankle lock, only to be kicked off very quickly.

Brock is back in now and pounds on the big man but he can’t lift him up for the F5. Show’s Final Cut gets two but here’s Angle with some trashcan lids for himself and Lesnar to pound the giant in the head. They try a double suplex, only to be suplexed down instead. Show loads up a double chokeslam but Angle and Brock team up to chokeslam him down. Like any other triple threat match though, they start fighting over who gets the pin. There’s an F5 to Angle but Kurt rolls to the floor.

Big Show gets caught in an F5 as well but Angle pulls the referee out to break up the near fall. Angle is whipped into the steps and post by Lesnar before the champion heads back in to fight the monster some more. Kurt is busted open as Big Show headbutts Brock in the ring. Big Show loads up a superplex on Brock, which is a worry because the last time this happened they literally broke the ring. An Angle distraction lets Brock drop to the mat though for a powerbomb on Big Show, only to be broken up by a chair shot from Kurt.

Everyone heads back to the floor where Big Show kicks a chair into Angle’s face. Show loads up the announce table and Brock is busted open as well. The chokeslam to Angle is countered though and there’s the Angle Slam to put Show through the table. Both guys are down though until Angle starts to stir. Brock and Angle get back inside and share a stare down. Both guys stagger to their feet and slug it out with Brock trying the F5, only to have Angle grab the rope and land on the apron.

Lesnar follows him to the floor where Angle sends him into the steps. Back in and Angle starts rolling the German suplexes but the Angle Slam is countered into a spinebuster for two for the champion. Brock puts on a chinlock with a grapevine which has Angle in trouble. As Angle’s arm drops twice, here’s Big Show with a legdrop on Lesnar to break up the hold.

Show takes his strap down and chokeslams both guys at the same time for two each. Brock kicks the monster low but Angle pounds away at Lesnar to slow him down. Lesnar misses a charge into the post and there’s the ankle lock on the champ. Kurt has to let it go so he can hit the Angle Slam on Big Show. Another Angle Slam on Lesnar is enough for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. This was another good match with Brock and Angle being able to show off by throwing Big Show around. It wasn’t as entertaining as last year’s version, but this was more about setting up Lesnar vs. Angle II the next month at Summerslam. The match was good though which is the right idea for the first Smackdown only PPV.

Brock would get a rematch in a 60 minute Iron Man match on September 18, 2003. That’s not something you see every day.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is champion coming in. This is an iron man match with a sixty minute time limit. There’s a 15 second rest period after each fall. The challenger is the heel. Lesnar jumps him to start and we have a big old clock in the corner. Brock beats him down to start but Angle fires back with some clotheslines. Angle gets a shot to the knee and Brock chills on the floor.

He stays out there until about 8 and the knee isn’t right. Brock asks for time but he was just channeling his inner Bret Hart as he plays possum. Angle doesn’t mind and hits a set of armdrags to send Brock out to the floor. Lesnar grabs the steps but tosses them back instead of using them. He slides in at 9 and goes right back out to break the count. Well it’s not like they don’t have a lot of time to kill.

Brock breaks the count again and make it three times. Four times now. Angle is getting ticked which might be Lesnar’s plan. We’re five minutes into the clock now and we haven’t really gotten anything going but they have plenty of time. Angle goes for the knee and Brock hits the floor AGAIN. Angle charges at him and Brock nails him to finally take over. Angle snaps off a suplex and clotheslines Brock to the floor where he holds the knee again.

Lesnar is down and holding the knee but this time Angle goes after him. He rams Brock into the steps head first and they slug it out. Brock gets the better of that and rams Kurt into the post back first. He goes to grab a chair and pops Angle in the head with it for a DQ at about nine minutes. Brock lays Angle out with the chair a bunch of times but it’s in the rest period so it doesn’t count.

Brock grabs some water at ringside. Does that mean there’s a conspiracy against him? Angle is barely able to stand so Brock drills him with an F5 to tie it up at 49:38 to go. Brock kicks him in the ribs and asks Angle if he wants to tap. Lesnar puts the ankle lock on Kurt and he taps to make it 2-1 at 47:21. We take a break and come back at 44 minutes left with Lesnar breaking an Angle rally with a knee to the ribs.

During the break Brock hit an Angle Slam for two. Brock charges but his shoulder goes into the post. Angle gets a forearm smash and it’s German time. Angle comes at Brock but gets sent back outside. Brock whips him into the railing HARD and this an F5 on the floor for the countout to go up 3-1 at 20 minutes in.

We take a break and come back with Angle in control after hitting some suplexes during the break. Lesnar knocks Kurt to the floor with an elbow and takes over soon thereafter. We’re at 35 minutes left now as Brock gets two off an elbow drop. Angle reverses an Irish whip into the Angle Slam and it’s 3-2 at 34 minutes to go. We’re told that if this goes to a tie we’ll have overtime.

Kurt pounds away but the Angle Slam is countered into an F5 attempt which is countered into the ankle lock. Brock rolls through and Angle manages to avoid the referee. Brock however drills him in the head with a clothesline so when Angle hits the Angle Slam, there’s no referee. Brock hits Angle low and grabs the title. A shot to the head of Angle puts him down and the referee wakes up to make it 4-2 Brock at 29:30 to go.

We take a break and come back with Angle on the floor with 25 minutes to go. Angle pulls him to the floor and hammers away, sending Brock into the steps. With Brock on the outside, Angle goes back in and up top to hit a double axe to Brock’s back. That only gets two back inside though. Kurt goes up again and hits the missile dropkick for a close two. The moonsault that hits once a decade doesn’t hit here and both guys are down.

Angle grabs a rollup for two so Brock takes his head off with a clothesline. Brock gets all ticked off and throws Angle over his head without leaving his own feet. Well that was awesome. It only gets two though and both guys are down. Kurt reverses another belly to belly into the ankle lock but Brock rolls through to send Angle to the floor. Angle goes into the steps again and back to the ring we go.

That only gets two in the ring as we have 20 minutes left with with score 4-2 Brock. Lesnar unhinges some steps but Angle hits a baseball slide to send them into Brock’s face. Kurt looks like his shoulder is hurt from going into the steps. Angle gets an elbow for two as we take a break. Back and it’s 5-2 as Brock hit a superplex for a fall during the break.

We have 14 minuets to go and it’s 5-2 Brock. Brock takes him outside and tries to F5 Angle into the post but Angle reverses to give Brock an F5 into the post with the bad knee hitting the steel. Back inside and Angle throws on a half crab which is very smart. Brock makes the ropes so Angle throws on the ankle lock. Lesnar STILL doesn’t tap so Kurt stomps away at the leg/ankle.

Kurt charges in at Brock but gets caught in an F5. Brock can’t counter though and can only get a delayed two. Lesnar goes up top but Angle pops up for the running belly to belly and it’s 5-3 with 9:50 to go. Angle wins a slugout and pounds Brock down in the corner. Angle puts the straps back up which is a new one for him. He tries to load up the Angle Slam but Brock grabs a DDT for two.

Kurt misses a right hand and Lesnar hits a German. Make that two Germans. Would you believe three Germans? He tries a fourth (there has been a lot of laying around between them so about 90 seconds passed for all those Germans) but Angle counters into two Germans of his own. Angle rolls through something into the ankle lock and in more or less the same ending at Summerslam, Brock can’t find a rope and taps with 4:11 to go.

Four minutes left and both guys are down. Brock still leads 5-4. They’re still down with 3:30 left. Kurt grabs the hold again but Brock rolls through to escape. They’re both down again but Kurt is up and stomping away with three minutes left. Bow and arrow hold, which is like a side version of the STF, goes on to eat up some time. Brock wisely heads to the floor with two minutes left.

Smart strategy there as Lesnar only has to play defense and run the clock out to win the title. Kurt puts the ankle lock on Brock outside but back inside we go. Brock runs again so Kurt rams him into the steps. Angle hits some rolling Germans back in the ring and we hit a minute to go. He hits four Germans but this is taking way too long. Brock kicks him low with 30 seconds left but it’s not seen. Ankle lock with the grapevine is on with 15 seconds left but Lesnar hangs on to win the title and end the show.

Rating: B. This match runs into the exact same problem that is more or less unavoidable for these matches: you can more or less skip the first 55 minutes and you still see the exciting parts. An hour is too long, even when the guys are having an entertaining match. This was good, but like I said the vast majority of it is just waiting for Angle to make his big comeback. However it does fly by as taking out commercials it runs about 46-48 minutes. Good match, but not a good idea for TV.

Lesnar would turn heel again soon after this and join forces with Mr. McMahon. He would defend his title at No Way Out 2004 against Eddie Guerrero.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock comes out first here for some reason. Soon after this the music would change from We Lie, We Cheat, We Steal to I Lie, I Cheat, I Steal which was good I though. Fans are TOTALLY behind Eddie here which is no surprise. We have about 40 minutes left in the tape so this is getting A LOT of time. Eddie can’t do anything to start so like an idiot he keeps charging.

All Brock to start here. A rana is blocked into a powerbomb and then Brock just tosses him away as Eddie’s selling is awesome. Brock gets a big running high knee in the corner. If he had done that to Velasquez he might have the belt still. Eddie gets knocked to the floor and has had NOTHING so far. He finally gets something going as he gets Lesnar’s leg around the post and gets him down, opening a door for him.

So much for that as Brock gets a modified Fisherman’s suplex into a kind of slam for two. Jawbreaker gets him out of a rear naked choke. So I guess Eddie is better than Shane Carwin as he can escape a Lesnar choke. Eddie gets a dropkick and then gets his head taken off by a clothesline. Semi-botched German has Eddie on the brink here. Not really but I like how that sounds.

Brock goes for another knee in the corner but crashes to the floor. Eddie adds a plancha and both guys are a bit weakened now. Brock hits a hot shot to take over AGAIN. It’s been about 95% Brock so far but Eddie is hanging in there. Eddie gets a knee lock out of nowhere. Brock gets caught in a leg hold. I’m shocked too. He shifts into an STF and the fans ERUPT.

Figure four doesn’t work as Brock kicks him away. Eddie keeps him down but can’t do much as Brock just keeps firing him off. BIG belly to belly by Brock has Eddie in trouble again. A headscissors has Brock in trouble and now back to the knee. There’s the figure four and it’s not bad. After nearly a minute in the hold Brock realizes he’s next to the ropes and gets free.

More leg work as Cole speculates that Eddie could actually do this. STF again as Brock is in trouble but not for long as he just rolls out. Brock gets a big old spinebuster to take over again and locks on a bad looking crossface chicken wing. Off to a sleeper/chinlock kind of thing but here comes Eddie again, driving Brock’s face into the buckle to break it up. Missile dropkick misses though as Eddie is in trouble again. Great story being told here.

Brock SELLS THE KNEE by lifting his leg up when he gets a vertical suplex. Little things like that are what I mean by selling. Brock shouting at Eddie to die is rather creepy. He gets a gutwrench hold on the mat and Eddie is in trouble again. The perk of a guy like Brock is that even a basic hold like that looks devastating when he does it. Eddie gets back and hits Three Amigos. Frog Splash misses though as this is an excellent match.

The most ridiculous looking ref bump I can remember in a long time happens as Eddie kicks the referee while taking an F5. It was just bad looking with how obvious it was. Either that or the referee is really, really stupid. Brock hits the floor and grabs the belt but GOLDBERG is back and spears the heck out of Lesnar.

Eddie covers for two and misses a belt shot. I love the way Brock throws boots to the ribs. Eddie counters an F5 into a DDT “onto the belt” which misses by about 6 inches and hits the Frog Splash to blow the roof off the place and win the title and do the unthinkable which I was typing before Taz said it. I’m no Eddie fan, but that is a cool moment.

Rating: A. This was an excellent match that got over thirty minutes. The ending was solid as Eddie cheated a bit but that was what he did. Also it was his Frog Splash that ended it rather than anything else. Eddie isn’t someone I can get into as much as his fans do but this was easily his crowning glory and the match worked very well. Probably Brock’s best non-Angle match and one of Eddie’s best ever which is saying a lot as he’s a great wrestler in his own right.

Around this time Brock decided he was done with wrestling and wanted to become a professional football player. With Wrestlemania XX coming up, a showdown was set up with Goldberg. However, Goldberg was also leaving soon, making this one of the most interesting matches in WWE history.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

The catch here is that both guys are leaving and the fans know it, so they boo them both out of the building. Goldie gets his full entrance from the back. The fans IMMEDIATELY start chanting YOU SOLD OUT at Lesnar who is going to the NFL after this match. They circle each other and Austin says get to it. Now the fans sing the GOODBYE song with the guys still making zero contact over a minute in. The fans chant for the referee as Goldberg looks at Austin. Still no contact. After nearly THREE MINUTES of circling each other they lock up.

Amusingly enough, Goldberg is said to have an advantage because he’s a mixed martial arts aficionado. They lock up and shove each other away as it’s almost four minutes in without even a punch being thrown. We get a second lockup with the same result. The crowd is booing loudly now. Literally five minutes in Lesnar grabs a headlock for the first actual move of the match. They trade shoulder blocks with no one going anywhere. They collide again with both guys going down and we’re somehow six minutes into this match.

Now they stare at each other as the fans are about to riot. The fans cheer for HOGAN of all people and that’s FINALLY enough to get something going. Goldberg presses him over his head and drops him into a kind of spinebuster for two. The spear misses though and Goldberg hits the buckle chest first. The fans think Goldberg sucks as he is sent into the post. Back in and Brock gets two off a suplex and then hooks a modified headlock. The fans chant for Hogan again.

Back to the same headlock after a brief break before they collide again. Brock gets two as Austin is still a complete non factor. He seems to be the rodeo clown out there to keep everything from falling apart. Well, falling completely apart because we’re long past falling apart. JR is polite and calls this match pedestrian. Goldberg comes back with some clotheslines and a swinging neckbreaker of all things as the Hogan chant starts again. There’s the spear for two but Goldie spends too much time arguing with Austin and walks into an F5 for two. Brock tries a spear but misses, so a spear and Jackhammer can finish Brock.

Rating: E. As in embarrassing, which is what this was. Have some pride out there people. I know you’re leaving and the fans don’t care, but man alive have some effort out there. If I was an NFL team and Brock gave that kind of a performance I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. No he doesn’t want to be there but that’s his job until his contract expires. This was embarrassing to watch and they deserve the booing they received. Austin added nothing here but he didn’t really need to.

Brock wouldn’t succeed in the NFL but, after a nice run in Japan, he would dominate the UFC for a few years and become World Heavyweight Champion. After a horrible illness ended his in ring career though, it was back to the WWE. His first match was against John Cena at Extreme Rules 2012.

John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar

This is an Extreme Rules match which means they’re in wrestling gear. Well Lesnar is in MMA gear but you get the idea. The fans are more behind Cena than Lesnar. Cena charges right into a takedown and Brock comes at him with the strikes. Cena is cut on the left side of his head. Cena grabs a quick front facelock but Lesnar is WAY too strong. He poundso n Cena even more and the doctor comes in to check the cut. The replay shows that it was an elbow to the head. They close or at least stop the cut and go back to it.

Cena charges in again and Lesnar pounds him right down. Brock hammers on him and knocks Cena to the floor with a knee. The doctors stop it AGAIN to check the cut. Cena hits a quick elbow and tries the FU but Lesnar escapes and hits two rolling Germans. Lesnar’s Gonna Kill You chant. Cena comes back with some elbows and the shoulder block but there goes the referee.

Cena hits the ropes again but Lesnar runs him over. Lesnar goes for the open wound and rubs Cena’s blood on his own chest. Brock throws on an armbar (screw that kimura crap. This is wrestling) and then throws Cena to the floor instead of cranking on it. To the floor and Brock throws it on again but lets it go a second time, throwing Cena into the barricade.

Back in and Lesnar gets Cena’s chain and lock. He puts it down and chains Cena’s feet together. Cena gets up and Brock hits what might have been the hardest clothesline I’ve ever seen. With the legs still tied together, Brock puts him in the Tree of Woe. Brock goes after the referee but Cena escapes. That goes badly again as Brock whips him into the steps. AA is countered again into an F5 attempt but Cena’s legs hit the referee.

A second referee comes out but Lesnar throws him out too. The steps are brought in and Cena says Brock can’t see him. Back into the armbar and this time there’s a body vice. They’re on the steps and the fans care cheering for Cena. He picks Brock up into kind of a spinebuster but his arm is hanging limp. Cena goes up but misses the Fameasser. He was about an inch from hitting the steps too.

Cena rolls to the floor and is spent. Lesnar looks around bur can’t find Cena. He gets up on the steps and sees Cena (hehe) who can barely get back in. Cena gets up on the apron so Lesnar gets a running start from the steps and hits kind of a Poetry In Motion move but crashes to the floor and hurts his knee. He’s fine but Cena has the chain. Brock charges again and Cena gets in the chain shot to clock Lesnar. I think Brock is busted now. Oh yeah he is and Cena’s head has a lot of blood there too. An AA onto the steps gives Cena the pin at 18:05.

Rating: A. WOW. This is going to be a disputed rating but this was an absolute war. Cena got one homerun shot to win it but that’s all he needed. Lesnar dominated about 95% of the match but it was good enough to make both guys look great. Lesnar can come back but Cena has the first win, which sets up a rematch where Lesnar can beat him. I had a blast with this and Lesnar looks AMAZING.

We’ll skip over a year long feud with HHH and get to Summerslam 2013. The idea is simple: Heyman screwed CM Punk out of Money in the Bank so Punk swore revenge. Heyman brought Brock back for protection, setting up this showdown.

CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar

The tagline for this match is perfect: the Best vs. the Beast. It’s also No DQ. I always forget how scary of a man Brock Lesnar is until he comes to the ring. Lesnar immediately drives him into the corner and no sells forearms to the head. Brock LAUNCHES him into the other corner and stomps Punk down before no selling knees to the ribs. Punk is thrown around again and rammed into another corner with raw power.

Lesnar brags a bit too much and Punk gets in a kick to the head and a pair of knees to the face to send Brock to the floor. The suicide dive takes Lesnar down and the fans go NUTS. Punk loads up the steps but Brock rams into them to knock Punk down. Brock fires off knees to the ribs but Punk posts him for a breather. A top rope dive puts Brock down again as Punk is giving this all he has. Punk dives off the announce table with a clothesline and Brock is in trouble.

CM makes the mistake of going after Heyman though and Brock gets in a shot to take over. Brock tosses Punk over the announce table in an amazing throw for an even better crash. Since he threw Punk over the table once, Lesnar has to throw him over the other side for good measure. An over head belly to belly sends Punk down onto the concrete and Punk is barely moving. Back in and Brock drives Punk into the corner with shoulders and puts on a bearhug.

Punk gets in some forearms to escape but a knee to the ribs puts him right back down. Back to the bearhug and we get a shot of the evil look on Heyman’s face. Punk comes back again with shots to the head but his high cross body is caught in a fallaway slam. A backbreaker sets up a suplex for three straight near falls. Off to a chinlock but Punk BITES THE EAR to get some separation. More shots to the head stagger Brock and a top rope knee to the chest knocks him into the corner.

Two more running knees to the corner have Brock reeling but Brock catches the third in a fireman’s carry. Punk drops behind Lesnar and hits a high kick, setting up the Macho Elbow (didn’t look good) for two. The GTS and F5 are countered into another high kick but the GTS is countered into the kimura. Punk spins out and hooks a cross armbreaker (GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT) and then a triangle choke of all things.

Brock raises his hand but powerbombs Punk down….but the hold isn’t broken! The hand is still in the air but Brock lifts Punk into the air. Punk fires off elbows to the head, only to be caught in a running powerbomb to kill Punk dead. Lesnar can’t follow up though and both guys are down. A delayed cover gets two on Punk as Heyman is having a heart attack. Lesnar hits Three Amigos of all things for two before very slowly grabbing a chair. Punk gets up and dives onto Lesnar but he mostly hit chair.

Now it’s Punk with the chair and a few shots send Brock back inside. Lesnar gets the chair away but Punk goes low to stop Brock’s chair shot. Punk takes the chair up top and drops an elbow (kind of) onto Brock for a closer two. More chair shots to the back have Lesnar screaming in pain but Heyman takes the chair from Punk’s hands. Lesnar is up AGAIN but Punk grabs Heyman’s tie to escape the F5.

The GTS connects but Heyman comes in to break up the pin. Punk gets a big smile on his face as there’s no Brock to save Heyman, but the case winds up in the F5, which Punk counters into a faceplant for a VERY close two. The Anaconda Vice goes on but Heyman tries to come in with a chair, only to have Punk stand on the chair to block it.

Heyman slaps at Punk’s leg in a funny bit but gets caught by the neck. A right hand puts Heyman down and now he’s in the Vice but Lesnar is back up. He crushes Punk with the chair and hits him even harder the second time. A third shot knocks Punk silly and the F5 onto the chair ends this at 25:20.

Rating: A+. The storytelling and psychology alone made this a great match. I loved the idea that Punk kept taking the weapons away from Lesnar but once Brock got in the first chair shot the match was over. Punk showed he was smarter leading up to the match but his hatred for Heyman cost him in the end when he went on emotion instead of intelligence.

The action in this was incredible as well as it felt like a fight instead of a match, which is the right idea. If nothing else, this shows how bad of an idea the HHH feud was. Punk and Cena have both blown away all of the HHH matches with Lesnar by miles and miles, but we got a year of HHH and a month each of the other guys so far. Such is life in the WWE. Outstanding match here though.

I’m not sure what you want me to say here. Brock Lesnar is a once in a lifetime talent who had more physical gifts than entire rosters put together. However his attitude and lack of desire to stay on the road ended almost any long term career he was going to have. That being said he was around for a few years and blew the minds of almost everyone that watched him. I don’t think Brock Lesnar needs much of an explanation than that.

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Thought of the Day: You Were Expecting Maybe The Easter Bunny?

On the Brock vs. Undertaker build.So the general consensus on the Undertaker vs. Lesnar build seems to be that people hate it.  My immediate answer to that is what were you expecting?

 

The build to Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar has taken place over the last 23 years.  Maybe you’ve heard of it: it’s called the Streak.  For several years now, the story for Undertaker at Wrestlemania has been people wanting to take down the Streak.  Undertaker had four matches against DX about legacies and retirements and what have you, but it all came down to HHH and Shawn wanting to stop the Streak.  Over the years CM Punk, Randy Orton, HHH, Ric Flair, Batista and a host of others have tried and failed.  The Streak is (arguably) bigger than the WWE Title at this point.

 

Think about this for a minute.  The Streak started 23 years ago.  I’m 26 years old and the Streak began before I went to school for the first time.  It started when WCW was still in the NWA.  The WCW World Title was two months old.  It’s so old that the son of the man who was President when it started served eight years in office since then.  It’s over three times longer than Bruno Sammartino’s WWWF Title reign.  I could go on but you get the idea by now.

 

Whether you like the Streak or not, there’s never been anything like it in wrestling and there never will be again.  Undertaker is getting older now though and the wins are getting harder to come by.  Now the next challenger is Brock Lesnar, who is stronger and tougher than anyone Undertaker has faced in the Streak (yes I’m including Henry).  It’s basically Rocky vs. Drago in Rocky IV.  Lesnar is a fire breathing dragon for Undertaker to slay, but he’s going to push Undertaker to the point where it’s impossible to believe Undertaker will survive.  It happened with Shawn and it happened in the Cell so it can happen again.  They’re even using the idea that Brock has beaten Undertaker’s opponents more easily than Undertaker could.

 

In short, this is what the Streak matches are going to be like, and I could argue that it’s bigger than the triple threat is going to be.  It’s a built in story and one of those things that doesn’t need a big elaborate reason for the two men to be fighting.  Brock Lesnar has destroyed everything else and now he wants to destroy the one thing that no one has been able to stop.  Why do you need a more elaborate story than that?  THe match will be great (Undertaker hasn’t had a bad Wrestlemania match since……Wrestlemania 22?  And Lesnar hasn’t had a truly bad match since he’s been back), the moment will be great, and seeing the 22-0 sign will work at the end of the day.

 

I really don’t know what you people want, because this is what the Streak is going to be until Undertaker hangs up his boots.  They’d be crazy to do anything else.




Monday Night Raw – March 17, 2014: The Pathos to Wrestlemania

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 17, 2014
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re under three weeks to Wrestlemania now and we’ve got the biggest matches down now. The main story coming into tonight will be HHH retaliating against Daniel Bryan as he promised to do on Smackdown. Other than that we’re likely going to get some more entrants into the Andre battle royal. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Occupy Raw last week.

HHH is in the ring and says what happens at Wrestlemania is all going to be our fault. He’s had a week to think about what happened with Daniel Bryan and it doesn’t sit well with him. At Wrestlemania, he’s going to do what he always does in the ring, but we’ll see that in twenty days. He tells us to enjoy the rest of the show but here’s Batista to interrupt.

Batista says HHH has problems with Daniel Bryan but the real problems are with him. HHH has no right to add Bryan to Batista’s main event because he’s back to be WWE Champion. Batista wants to know what HHH is thinking, but HHH wants to know why Batista thinks Bryan has a chance to make it to the title match at all.

This brings out Randy Orton to throw in his two cents. Orton is worried about Bryan being added as well but HHH cuts him off and asks if Bryan is really that much in their heads. The fans chant YES and Batista says Bryan may be in their heads, but nowhere near as much as he’s in HHH’s. Orton asks for and receives a No DQ match against Bryan tonight to prove he can do what Batista couldn’t.

Orton and Batista argue with Batista saying the YES Movement exists is because Orton sucks. He calls Orton a paper champion who only has those belts because of HHH’s support. HHH tries to hold them apart but gets shoved away so he just leaves. Batista says HHH has to fix this but HHH says he’s sick of this.

He’s sick of the little troll face Daniel Bryan, the fans chanting for him, of Hollywood movie stars telling HHH how to run this business, and of talented guys who need him to hold their hand to win a match. Maybe the old man was right: the only one you can trust in this world is yourself, so there’s going to be a triple threat at Wrestlemania, but Daniel Bryan won’t be in it. Instead, HHH is going to beat Daniel Bryan and go into the match himself. In other words, the winner goes to the title match. HHH leaves and Orton lays out Batista with an RKO.

Batista leaves and says coming back was a big mistake.

Real Americans vs. Usos

Non-title and this is a result of the Usos saving Cody Rhodes and Goldust from a post match attack by the Real Americans on Smackdown. Jey runs over Swagger to start and catches him in a spinebuster. Cole screws up early this time and says a win for the Tag Team Champions could give the Real Americans a shot at the titles. Cesaro comes in and works over Jey in the corner but gets caught by a kick to the chest.

Off to Jimmy for an uppercut and a slam. Jey comes back in and tries a leapfrog but jumps into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Off to Swagger again for a chinlock but Jimmy fights up and tags his brother back in to speed things up. A Cesaro distraction lets Jack kick Jimmy to the floor and we take a break. Back with Cesaro in control of Jimmy but he punches his way out of the corner.

Swagger catches him in a belly to belly suplex for two, followed by the Vader Bomb/Cesaro double stomp spot. The announcers praise the company for some awards the WWE App has won as Cesaro nails Jimmy with a European uppercut. Jimmy avoids a charge from Swagger and knocks Cesaro to the floor. A spinning kick to the back of Swagger’s head is enough for the hot tag to Jey who shouts US a lot before the corner Umaga attack gets two.

Jimmy breaks up a Cesaro Swing attempt and throws Cesaro at Jey for a Samoan drop and a near fall. Swagger comes back in and gets caught by the double superkick to send him to the floor. Jimmy dives onto Jack but Cesaro blocks a Jey dive with the European uppercut, setting up the Neutralizer for the pin on Jey at 12:25.

Rating: C. The amtch was fun but at the same time can we PLEASE stop having new champions lose matches to set up a future Tag Title match, which will likely have the New Age Outlaws as well. Here’s a simple way to do this instead: “The following contest is for the #1 contendership to the Tag Team Championship!” Throw Los Matadores out there and have a match, making both the champions and challengers look strong. Why do I have to give writing lessons to a WRITING TEAM?

We look at WWE Slam City, an animated series about what happens when the wrestlers all get fired and have to get day jobs. I’ve heard worse ideas actually.

Clip from Smackdown of the Shield costing Kane a match and leaving him laying after a Reigns spear to end the show.

Kane comes up to Shield in the back and says all four of them made mistakes on Friday. Ambrose doesn’t seem to care but Kane says they have a mission. If he can’t count on them then the Authority can’t count on them, meaning they’re a liability. Kane asks if he can count on them. Rollins says they’re united and Reigns says believe it. Kane gets even more serious and calls them replaceable.

Hornswoggle hands out t-shirts to fans when Bad News Barrett rises up on his podium. He makes fun of the leprechaun celebrating St. Patrick’s Day and talks about St. Patrick chasing the snakes out of Ireland. However, the bad news is the fans will spend all day getting drunk, have a hangover tomorrow and regret all the stupid things they’ve done.

Sheamus vs. Titus O’Neil

Hornswoggle is still at ringside. Titus is officially in the battle royal and comes out with a big green and white hat and a bright orange beard painted on his face. Christian is on commentary and announces himself as an entrant as well. O’Neil hammers Sheamus into the corner to start but gets sent to the floor and shouldered off the apron. Titus rams him into the post as Christian says he’s undefeated except for the losses he’s caused himself.

Christian says JBL looks like David Spade in a fat suit and JBL nearly loses it. Titus slams Sheamus to the mat and then the floor before throwing Hornswoggle inside. He tries a fall away slam but Sheamus comes back in and catches the little guy before throwing him into Titus’ ribs. There are the ten forearms to the chest and a powerslam setting up the Brogue Kick for the pin at 4:11.

Rating: C. Decent little power match here but Titus needs to win a match that matters instead of just being a jobber to the stars. He showed so much potential before the Darren Young match but this is his first appearance in weeks. It’s better than having nothing to do though so it could be worse.

Sheamus enters the battle royal post match but Christian attacks him and hits the Killswitch on the floor because this feud just can’t end.

Next week’s guest star: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine will be there as well.

Here’s Cena to talk about the Wyatts. He says he’s been here 12 years and has had over 3,500 matches which makes him like family to the WWE Universe. They’re like an old married couple and he has a secret for them: he’s afraid of Bray Wyatt. He’s afraid of everything Bray stands for and what he is, because he’s never fought anyone like Bray before.

Bray is trying to convince the people that what you see with John Cena isn’t real. Cena won’t take that because he believes in everything he’s done and stands for because Wrestlemania is about fighting for every scar and injury he’s been through. He’ll fight for his legacy at Wrestlemania and here are the Wyatts on screen.

Bray is wearing a Cena shirt and says children believe in superheroes because they want to believe the world is good. They haven’t learned the truth about life yet. Bray’s childhood wasn’t all rainbows and butterfliers. He has scars of his own because the world gave them to him. Everything he loves in life is going to wither away and die.

The fans chant for Cena as Bray says he could be just like John. He could sign autographs and kiss babies to make sure people bought his merchandise and go home to his plastic girlfriend in his castle while making jokes about everything to make himself feel better. At Wrestlemania, Bray doesn’t care if he dies as long as the world sees Cena the way he does. Follow the buzzards.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

No DQ and non-title. Orton hammers him into the corner to start but can’t ram Bryan face first into the buckle. Daniel scores with a knee to the ribs and wraps Randy’s leg around the post. Back in and Orton uppercuts Bryan down and heads to the floor for some forearms to the chest. Daniel comes back with a hard shot to knock Orton off the apron before nailing the FLYING GOAT. Orton pulls a kendo stick out from under the ring and says there’s no bell to ring because it’s No DQ. He belly to back suplexes Bryan onto the announce table and we take a break.

Back with Orton still in control and working over Bryan’s back before crotching him against the post. He hits the backbreaker from the apron to the floor in a nice looking move as the announcers talk about HHH losing his cool earlier tonight. They head inside again with Orton throwing Bryan into the corner before stopping to do the YES motion. Bryan backflips over Orton out of the corner and hits the running clothesline.

Daniel hits the running dropkick in the corner to set up a top rope hurricanrana for two. It’s kendo stick/YES KICK time with Daniel going off on Orton. The big kick to the head gets two more but Randy pops up and crotches Daniel on the top rope. A superplex gets two for the champion and he just stomps on Bryan out of frustration.

The Elevated DDT puts Daniel down but he rolls to the floor before the RKO. Orton comes outside and gets caught by the running dropkick, sending Orton into the timekeeper’s area. Randy gets a chair and blasts Daniel in the ribs and back before heading back inside, only to have Batista spear Orton in half. Bryan dropkicks Batista outside and steals the pin on Batista at 14:32.

Rating: B-. These guys get better each time they’re out there and this was their most entertaining match in awhile. The No DQ rule helped a lot and even though it was pretty obvious Batista was coming back, the stuff we got leading up to that was entertaining as well. Good match here.

Batista hits the Bomb on Orton post match.

How to get the WWE Network.

Here’s Heyman with something to say. He says Undertaker has gotten a lot of wins at Wrestlemania but barely survived. Those same opponents have been easily beaten by Brock Lesnar and Heyman has proof. We get a video of Undertaker’s Wrestlemania matches, showing how much more difficult each victory has been because Undertaker is getting older. On the other hand, Brock has destroyed HHH, Mark Henry and CM Punk. The video closes with a great line: “Now he will conquer death itself.” Heyman says the Streak will Rest in Peace at Wrestlemania.

HHH and Stephanie are in the back and Stephanie doesn’t like the idea of HHH talking to Bryan tonight. She’ll ignore him saying he wants to talk to Bryan “like a man” and goes on a rant about Bryan spitting on the McMahon legacy. HHH says it’s just talking but Stephanie wants to know what happens when HHH wins the title and has to go on the road. What about their business or the family. HHH glares at her and says he’s got this so don’t worry about it. Stephanie says he better take care of things before storming out.

Goldust vs. Fandango

Goldust looks at Summer Rae and still catches Fandango coming after him. A few atomic drops have the dancer in trouble and Goldust does a few steps of his own. Summer gets on the apron as Goldust does some disco dancing. He barks at Summer but Cody catches her, only to have Fandango get in some cheap shots.

Summer doesn’t mind being caught by Cody but Fandango isn’t pleased. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Goldust fights up, only to get caught in the chinlock again. Goldust has a bit of blood next to his right eye. A suplex gets two on Goldust but Fandango misses the top rope legdrop. Goldust hits a quick Final Cut for the pin at 5:13. Goldust looked angry about the cut.

Rating: C-. You know what? I kind of liked this. No story, no reason for the match, nothing after. Just two guys having a match for about five minutes and the bigger star getting a clean pin. Everything has a point most of the time and it gets a bit tiring at times. I rather enjoyed just having a quick match with no meaning to it at all. Not a bad match either.

Here’s Kane to address the Shield. He talks about all the safety codes that were broken last week in the Occupy Raw movement and blames someone for causing it. Jerry Lawler of all people was apparently responsible for getting those fans into the ring, which JBL accused him of doing last week. Lawler won’t get up so here’s Shield to deal with the problem. Kane unbuttons his shirt and says he’s known Jerry for a long time. Lawler isn’t in fighting shape so Kane is only going to enjoy this a little. Jerry is given the chance to speak on his own behalf as Shield surrounds him.

Instead it’s Rollins saying he sees the look in Lawler’s eyes and has a good feeling Daniel Bryan isn’t coming to save him. The Shield however, always does what’s best for business. They slowly turn to face Kane and Lawler takes the opportunity to run for his life. Kane stares the three of them down and shakes his head. He says Reigns doesn’t know what he’s about to do and the beating is on. Kane fights them off for awhile but Rollins kicks his head off and the spear drops him. There’s the Triple Bomb and Kane is left laying. This still didn’t feel like a face turn but rather an anti-Kane turn.

Funkadactyls vs. AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka

Naomi is back with a patch over her eye (and of course it has glitter) and the Bellas are on commentary. Nikki thinks she should get a Divas Title shot, even though Naomi is #1 contender. Cameron hammers away on Tamina to start but gets her head taken off by a clothesline. AJ comes in and puts on a chinlock as the Bellas tease JBL with talk of tattoos. Back to Tamina but Cameron makes the tag off to Naomi. Everything breaks down and AJ grabs a guillotine choke on Naomi, only to be slammed down, followed by the split legged moonsault for the pin at 3:42.

Rating: C. For commercial for Total Divas. Multi-Diva match at the PPV. Next.

AJ yells at Tamina post match and gets shoved down. Tamina walks off.

The latest inductee into the Hall of Fame is Mr. T., which was announced earlier today.

We look back at Hogan announcing the battle royal last week.

Big E./Big Show/Dolph Ziggler/Mark Henry vs. Alberto Del Rio/Damien Sandow/Curtis Axel/Ryback

All eight of these guys are in the battle royal. Big E. and Ryback start things out and a weak Goldberg chant begins. Ryback shoves him into the corner but Big E. runs him over with a big shoulder. Off to Henry vs. Axel with Mark kicking Curtis’ face off. Ziggler gets the tag to a high pitched pop and grabs a neckbreaker on Ryback. A dropkick sends the power guy to the floor and it’s a standoff as we go to a break.

Back with Sandow working over Ziggler before it’s off to Ryback for a delayed vertical suplex. He takes a bit too long though and Dolph counters into a small package for two. Back to Axel for some elbows to the head but Ziggler comes back with a DDT. Sandow breaks up the hot tag attempt and sends Dolph head first into the buckle. He misses a charge though and goes head first into the buckle as well, allowing the hot tag to Big Show. Everything breaks down and people are thrown up and over the top rope. Big Show and Sandow are left alone and it’s a chokeslam for the pin at approximately 12:00.

Rating: C-. This was just a preview for the battle royal and there’s nothing wrong with that. Much like everything else tonight, the wrestling wasn’t the point here and it really didn’t need to be. The battle royal is going to be a big part of the show and it’s going to be a fun match so points for actually building it a big.

We look back at the Bryan/Batista/Orton situation from earlier.

Batista tries to leave again and says he’s never quit anything in his life.  He’s leaving Wrestlemania with the title no matter who the third man is.

Bray Wyatt vs. Kofi Kingston

Before the match we get a video on Bray vs. Cena set to a rap song about a guy being strange since birth and talking about legacy with clips of Bray’s original backwoods videos, comparing them to Cena’s mainstream appeal. This is really starting to work. The match is a total squash with Bray destroying Kofi while singing about having the joy down in his heart. He runs Kofi over with a clothesline and drives in right hands before dropping him with a gutbuster. Sister Abigail ends this squash at 2:55.

Trailer for Oculus, a new movie from WWE Studios. It’s a horror movie about an evil mirror.

Here’s HHH for the big talk with Bryan. Daniel accepts his invitation down to the ring and HHH says this has never been personal. It’s always been about what’s best for business whether Daniel can understand that or not. Somehow this has been where it’s always led and they’re going to fight in three weeks at Wrestlemania. HHH won’t apologize for what he does to Bryan in that ring and he wouldn’t expect an apology from Bryan either. Bryan has crossed a line and HHH has to put an end to it at Wrestlemania because he has no choice.

HHH has to end the YES Movement and end the uprising and shut everything down. He has to do that and if he has to destroy Daniel to do that, then so be it. There are no hard feelings in all of this and may the best man win. HHH sticks out his hand but Bryan shakes his head no. That’s cool with HHH because he would do the exact same thing. HHH has tried to stop Bryan since Summerslam and dumped a world on top of him, but Bryan is still standing here. The fans chant for Daniel Bryan because he hasn’t folded under the pressure. Now the fans try a CM Punk chant as HHH says Bryan has earned his respect.

He goes to leave but here’s Stephanie to rant about respect. Bryan endangered people’s lives last week including HHH’s, so she’s pressing formal charges. Cops come out to arrest Bryan, though I’m not sure they have jurisdiction over something that happened in Tennessee. The cops surround Bryan and forcibly take him to the ground with nightsticks. They don’t beat him, but HHH has that evil smile on his face. He calls the cops as Bryan’s hands are bound behind his back.

HHH says this isn’t what he wants because these aren’t even real cops. They leave the ring and Stephanie is smiling as well. HHH is looking forward to this and goes after a defenseless Bryan. They head outside with HHH sending him into the steps and announce table as Stephanie cheers him on. Bryan comes back with some headbutts, only to be dropped on the announce table again.

He screams about his arm before HHH throws him into the barricade and punches even more. The beating keeps going with Bryan just getting destroyed. HHH lays him on the table one more time and Stephanie mocks the YES motion. She gets in a few slaps for good measure. Bryan: “YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL!” HHH lay shim against the post and cracks Bryan in the head with a chair like a Concharito. Daniel is out cold so HHH adds a Pedigree and kisses Stephanie.  He says this belongs to them and there is no YES Movement.

Overall Rating: B+. Tonight was all about the emotions leading up to Wrestlemania. We saw it in the triple threat story, heard about it with Cena being afraid of Bray Wyatt, heard it from Big Show when he talked about what the battle royal meant to him and saw it with Kane being angry at the Shield.

The matches are all set but tonight was a big step in making us care. Having a good match is one thing, but making the fans CARE about it is a different story entirely. The latter is very rare but they’re going for it with this Wrestlemania. That’s the right way to go about a big show and they’re giving it the effort it needs. Tonight made me want to see these matches on a different level than I did before and that’s exactly what these shows are supposed to do.

Results

Real Americans b. Usos – Neutralizer to Jey

Sheamus b. Titus O’Neil – Brogue Kick

Daniel Bryan b. Randy Orton – Pin after a spear from Batista

Goldust b. Fandango – Final Cut

Funkadactyls b. Tamina Snuka/AJ Lee – Split legged moonsault to AJ

Big E./Big Show/Dolph Ziggler/Mark Henry b. Alberto Del Rio/Damien Sandow/Curtis Axel/Ryback – Chokeslam to Sandow

Bray Wyatt b. Kofi Kingston – Sister Abigail

 

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