Now stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

This match is so similar to last year’s pre-show match that it’s hard to believe a year has passed. The Usos and Los Matadores were in the match last year (with the Usos defending) and Cesaro was in the Real Americans. This isn’t meant to be an important match and will likely have a lot of jumps and dives and not much more.

The build for this has been ok at best with some REALLY glaring issues. As I’ve complained about already, within the last ten days we’ve had two matches focusing on the managers of two of the teams. The Tag Team Champions and one of their challengers have been a backdrop for a bull vs. Natalya, yet people wonder why no one cares about this story. I don’t see much of a reason to be interested, but let’s look at each of the teams.

None of the teams do much for me aside from Kidd and Cesaro. They’re a good act with a nice balance of power and speed (a proven formula for a tag team) and both guys have earned a title reign like this. Unfortunately the division isn’t the strongest, but at least it’s there. Hopefully Cesaro gets a reaction like he got last year, but my goodness he’s cooled down a lot.

Los Matadores are who they are. I’m not sure what else you want me to say about them.

The New Day……yeah they kind of suck at the moment. It’s a shame too as Big E. and Kofi have the potential to be a solid team, but the three man concept really hasn’t taken off. At the end of the day, there isn’t enough staying power for them because we’re not really sure what they’re supposed to be. Oh and because the only characteristic between the three of them is Big E. sweating a lot. At least it’s Kofi instead of Woods. I don’t mind Woods, but if I never saw him again I wouldn’t mind much. Put him in the white suit and let him talk but leave the wrestling to the other guys.

Finally we have the Usos, who haven’t changed a bit since last year other than not having the titles but gaining a manager in Naomi. I’m sure they’ll do their high flying stuff but there really isn’t much to them that we haven’t seen yet. They’re a nice appetizer though: there’s nothing substantial about them, but they get you hungry for the important stuff later on in the night.

As for a winner, I’m afraid they’re going to give the belts back to the Usos, even though they’ve already had their big reign and would just be placeholders until we get the next big team. I’ll say Cesaro and Kidd retain, in the hopes they’ll be the next big team. Unfortunately there’s no Ascension in this match, but at least JBL, the heel commentator, got a face pop and the New Age Outlaws got their annual PPV shot because they’re friends with the boss. I mean, I’m so glad we got a year out of the Ascension dominating developmental to get JBL and the Outlaws over again.

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It says a lot that I had completely forgotten this show was tomorrow night. Fast Lane is a show that really doesn’t need to exist and most of these matches could have easily been done as big time Raw main events over the course of a few weeks. Instead though they need a way to bulk up the Network subscriptions, and to be fair the free month for Survivor Series was an amazing success. This show really isn’t doing much for me though so let’s get to it.

We’ll start with the match recently added: a six man tag between Kane/Big Show/Seth Rollins vs. Ryback/Dolph Ziggler/Erick Rowan. This match makes sense because the Survivor Series WILL NEVER DIE. It was also odd that you had these six guys all sitting around doing nothing so why not just get a big tag match to put them all on the show? It’s definitely the most logical move they could go with and avoids repeats of singles matches we’ve already seen for a change.

As for the winners, of course it’s the Authority, because we have to keep Big Show and Kane looking strong see. Oh and that Rollins guy gets to get a nice rub too. Rollins hasn’t had much to do since the Rumble and it really goes to show you how up and down the booking is. Yeah he’s beaten Ziggler a few times, but who hasn’t at this point? Rowan is done to say the least, but Ryback has been treated as a pretty big deal since he’s been back. Still though, the Authority wins and they win without much trouble.

I’ll take Stardust over Goldust, likely setting up a Wrestlemania rematch for Goldust’s career. The guy has been around forever and would be excellent for an agent’s job. Stardust needs a win to establish himself as a singles guy, which could be interesting if they let him run with it.

Usos retain the titles because Cesaro and Kidd are just there to give the smarks something to cheer for. Not that it matters anyway as the Ascension is waiting in the wings to take the belts. I wouldn’t mind a more interesting story for the titles, but at least it’s based on something that happened in WWE rather than the stupid reality show.

Ambrose somehow loses the title shot because Barrett has lost almost everything leading up to this match, so why not just let him keep the title? Besides, Ambrose hasn’t won on pay per view since….well since the Shield was around actually. Couple that with him not winning a singles pay per view match since Night of Champions 2013 and there’s no reason to think he should win tomorrow night.

Speaking of horrible stories that make my soul hurt and have no basis in logic or reasoning while involving babbling morons who are a disgrace to their far more talented NXT counterparts but fill out tight tops and shorts better and therefore are more entitled to a spot on the main roster, Nikki retains the title over Paige because TOTAL DIVAS MEANS THEY’RE SO TOTALLY CELEBRITIES and since that show is about the Bellas, they’re more important than Paige. Or something.

I’ll actually take Rusev to keep the title, albeit not in a straight finish. This screams Wrestlemania rematch, which isn’t something I care for most of the time. They also seem to be having some issues with how this match is booked, as the eye injury has been forgotten and for some reason they’re not just going with America vs. Russia, which has worked for the better part of eternity. Instead it’s “Cena is suddenly old, even though no one but Vince thinks that”, which is a pretty lame storyline. Anyway, Rusev retains and Cena gets his big win at Wrestlemania…..in theory. I’d love to see Rusev beat him on the big stage.

That leaves us with Bryan vs. Reigns for the Mania title shot, and I really think they’re going with the triple threat. It would fit perfectly with this show meaning nothing, so why not just have them go with that and put Bryan in the title match? It makes sense (or as much sense as this story can make) and gets us where we need to go. Reigns vs. Lesnar wouldn’t work on its own nearly as well, but it’s clear that this Wrestlemania is going to suffer from them not knowing where they want to go, at least on paper.

Oh and HHH calls out Sting.  They’ll talk, they’ll talk some more, they’ll pretend the Invasion wasn’t a thing, Sting will punch him a few times, a match will be made for Wrestlemania, it will take about three times longer than it should.

Overall, as I’ve mentioned more than once in the preview, this show doesn’t need to exist. It’s there because the Network needs something to hype up and doesn’t make sense with the storylines they have. It’s a weak card which will likely lead us to a weak Wrestlemania, so why would I want to see this? I’ll be watching, but I think the Oscars are going to distract me from this dull show more than once.

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So we’re here for Survivor Series 2014 Part II: We Don’t Have Sting, as most of the matches on here are just singles versions of Team Cena vs. Team Authority but with weapons. Thankfully after this we’re likely going to move on to Cena vs. Lesnar III to make sure they scrape every ounce out of every idea they have because the writers tend to be lazy hacks. Let’s get to it.

As usual we’ll do the pre-show first and in this case it’s about as obvious as we’re getting with the New Day defeating the Dusts. There’s no reason for anything else to happen and that’s what we’re getting. New Day is still too new to mean anything but I don’t hate them so far.

Moving on to the main card, we’ll start with some of the less interesting ones, such as Ryback hopefully beating Kane in the chairs match. Then again this is Kane, meaning that his twenty years in the company have earned him the right to never have to take a freaking pinfall. Ryback wins here, earning a victory that doesn’t mean as much as him pinning Harper and Rollins in TV matches. Speaking of TV, has this match been hyped on TV in the last two weeks? It’s almost an afterthought at this point.

Speaking of old giants who need to do a freaking job once in awhile, Rowan beats Big Show in the stairs match. They’re really stretching for ideas here and no, I won’t be referring to this show as TLCS as that sounds like a disease or government agency. Rowan could become a good new giant in Kane’s likeness, assuming he can get Big Show to stay down instead of having someone run in for a DQ.

Rusev beats Swagger because he’s Rusev and Swagger is Swagger. We’ve been through this for months now and I think we’ve figured out what’s going to happen.

Miz/Mizdow retain the belts. Yeah the Naomi stuff is interesting, but there’s no real reason to give the Usos the titles again. There’s just nothing all that interesting about them after their big run. They’re fine as challengers like this and maybe getting the belts back later, but the Ascension is waiting in the wings to probably take the titles from whomever they face first.

Nikki retains the title over AJ, likely setting up the battle of the Bellas down the line to put everyone to sleep. Again the rumor is that AJ leaves soon but I’ll believe it when I don’t see her. The story isn’t half bad actually with the Bellas against the world, but then the Bellas have to talk and the whole thing just dies.

Ziggler takes the Intercontinental Title back to give him his big moment in Cleveland and to capitalize on his win at Survivor Series by….putting him right back where he was before the whole thing started. Odd how that works isn’t it? This match does have the potential to be a show stealer though and I’m looking forward to it more than anything else on the card.

I’ll take Ambrose in the namesake match, even though nothing really should be hanging above the ring. There’s a chance they’ll make it a pinfall match, but I don’t really see this as the end of the feud. It likely will be as there isn’t much else they can do, but the story seems like it should be going somewhere after this.

Finally we have Cena vs. Rollins in a tables match with Cena’s #1 contendership on the line. It’s not like Rollins can win anything other than pride, so let’s not pretend this match really means anything. Just let Cena win the thing and set up Cena vs. Lesnar III so we can all roll our eyes at the match and get on to Reigns being crowned king of the company. Rollins has ruled 2014 but I can’t picture him winning here, even though Cena has a pretty bad record at TLC.

Overall this show feels…..lazy. As usual, it feels like they’re just doing the same set of stories with a slight twist on them so we the writers don’t have to come up with something fresh. Thankfully though these shows tend to be entertaining due to the high levels of violence and pure carnage. If you don’t know that, I’m sure WWE is going to call this the Demolition Derby of WWE about 19 times in the first fifteen minutes. Also, maybe the NXT guys will light a fire under them and wake this roster up a bit. It’s been done before, but it’s going to take nothing short of perfection to beat R-Evolution.

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Money in the Bank is tomorrow night and while it’s going to shape a lot of things going forward, my interest is only kind of there. The card has been upgraded a bit over the last few days though so maybe there’s something in there to make me care. Let’s get to it.

Daniel Bryan is on the preshow. I don’t expect much from this but it’s always cool to see him and we might get an idea on his return date.

I’m going to go in a bit different order this time and get the obvious and unimportant matches out of the way.

Rusev beats Big E. Again. Not much to say there.

I don’t think Naomi takes the title yet but she’ll be champion someday. Paige is starting to reach the point where she could drop the belt though.

Goldust and Stardust win as there’s no way they lose this early in their run. It’s a shame that Ryback and Axel have been stuck in this feud instead of getting a title shot.

I’ll flip a coin and say Summer beats Layla. It’ll be a nice view if nothing else. Fandango is guest referee and playing Charlie Haas to Dawn Marie and Jackie Gayda.

The Wyatts take the Tag Titles so the evening isn’t a total loss for the Family. I fully expect the title change but I wouldn’t be furious if the Usos kept the belts. They’ve had a nice reign though and it’s time for a switch.

Now we get to the big ones, where things are obvious in theory but that might be the time for a surprise. I’ll go Rollins to win the briefcase and give Ambrose something to chase besides revenge. It looks like Barrett is out or else he would have been my dark horse to win. Rollins and Ambrose will have some fun moments in there.

The logical move is Cena winning the title so he can be fed to Lesnar at Summerslam, but that DVD cover could change a lot of things. WWE has this weird obsession with the idea that people won’t watch if they can predict something. I get the theory behind that, but it doesn’t hold up when you actually test it. People are going to watch Cena vs. Lesnar because they’re two huge stars and had a great match already. Knowing it’s coming a month earlier than it’s announced isn’t going to change that. Hopefully it doesn’t lead to some swerve that doesn’t make sense and isn’t necessary.

Overall Money in the Bank should be fun but it doesn’t have my interest for the most part. The ladder matches will be good but the rest of the show doesn’t do much for me. That could be because there are fifteen guys in two matches and no personal feud between most of them but why would we need anything like that? The show is usually good and it gets us closer to Summerslam so maybe it works. It doesn’t look bad and WWE ppvs have been good lately so hopefully it pulls through.

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One of the biggest shows of the year is tomorrow and I don’t think a lot of people care.

Since MVP is injured and can’t wrestle, the main event has been changed to a three way in the cage, because wrestling NEEDS triple threats. Eric Young will still be defending, but his opponents will be determined. Instead of selecting a challenger, the winners of two previously announced matches will be entered in to face Young.

The first qualifying match is Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Lashley. This is the more interesting one of the two and I think they’ll keep Lashley strong, even though Joe presents a more interesting case to be champion. Unfortunately this is TNA, so Joe has to look strong one week and then get beaten a few days later.

The other qualifier is Austin Aries vs. Kenny King. I’ll take Aries here, even though it looks like they’re setting up Young to overcome the odds again and keep the title over the other two members of the Trio.

In case it’s not clear, I’ll take Young to keep the title. Odds are they’ll put the title on someone else at Destination X anyway.

Two of the Von Erich children are having a tag match. This hasn’t been advertised on TV much if at all, but if they did we might have to cut out one of 19 segments a given act got o a show. Their opponents are to be announced, but could it possibly be anyone other than the Bro Mans? Von Erichs win.

Ethan wins the Texas Death Match due to Dixie causing trouble. She has to go through a table in New York. I mean…..she HAS TO.

Magnus beats Willow, setting up a tag match with Abyss joining Hardy to face the Brits in the future.

Storm beats Anderson but they’ll have 97 gimmick matches in the future to keep the feud going way past its expiration date.

Love beats Kim and I don’t care enough to go into why.

The other match that hasn’t been announced on Impact: Sanada vs. Manik vs. Tigre Uno vs. Crazy Steve vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Davey Richards for the X-Division Title. We’re less than two weeks away from Destination X and the X Division Title match can’t even get a backstage promo. Is it any wonder why this company is in such horrible shape?

Overall Slammiversary looks like the most thrown together PPV in a long time. The main event isn’t their fault, but too much of the card is either tacked on or a match that hasn’t been given enough time for people to care about it. The show should set up some interesting stuff in the future with Destination X so soon but instead it feels like they’re just filling time until we can get back to the multi way war for control of the company. Then again, Slammiversary has been a very solid show for a few years running now.

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So yeah, this is tomorrow.

We’ll start with the main event. I’ll take Bully Ray to beat Bobby Roode in the tables match with a powerbomb. No seriously that’s the main event. If you watch Impact, this is the match we’ve heard the most of all month long. I don’t quite get the appeal of having people put each other through tables for a month and then pay to see them put each other through one more table but that’s just me.

Eric Young keeps the title because…..well because Eric Young is World Champion in a major wrestling company and according to them it’s not a ripoff of Daniel Bryan.

I’ll take Angelina to take the Knockouts Title because it’s the easiest thing they can do to keep the division as boring as possible.

I’ll actually take Storm to win the I Quit match, presumably through the use of someone else like Gunner’s dad. Why this feud is still going is anyone’s guess as this is about the fourth match that should have blown the thing off.

Angle/Willow over Carter/Spud to give the good guys their revenge. Again there’s no real thinking in this but that’s the case for almost everything in TNA anymore.

Give me Sanada over Tigre Uno in a match that just didn’t need to be a best of three at all.

I have a feeling Shaw wins the Committed match over Anderson with Christy’s help because Russo is back on the creative team as a consultant and that’s one of his favorites.

Oh and the Wolves get the belts back which should be their first reign but we needed them to win in Japan or whatever.

As I’m sure you can tell, I REALLY do not care about this show at all. That was what went through my head the entire show on Thursday and it’s the same case here. TNA is just not very interesting right now and the majority of the show feels like something they remembered doing before and just swapped the names around. It’s not interesting for the most part and there really isn’t much I want to see on this show which doesn’t need to be a PPV in the slightest. Things can turn around, but I don’t see much good going on at the moment.

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Or how Batista and Randy Orton have become Mike Tyson.

Daniel Bryan has come a long way this year, and at the end of the day there’s absolutely nothing left for him to do but win the title on the big stage.  Well win it and then keep it for more than twenty four hours.  This is up there with the Steve Austin build as he has to win it at some point and every sign seems to him walking out of New Orleans with the title.

That being said, WWE has done a great job of planting some seeds of doubt.  It’s all they had to do and somehow they’ve pulled it off.  Look back to 1998 with Austin vs. Michaels.  There was no doubt that Austin would walk out with the title, so they added Mike Tyson as the heel referee to try and make things look in doubt.  This is a better execution of that as you could actually see any of them taking (or keeping) the title.  The drama could be INSANE out there, but at the end of the day it’s Bryan’s match to lose.

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What else can I say about this one?Something tells me that this is the match of the night, but the ending is a little shaky.  At the end of the day, there is absolutely no way Bryan doesn’t make the title match.  Now the big question is how does he do that?  There’s the simple option of him beating HHH, but I don’t see that as likely.  There’s the option of HHH winning just to shock the heck out of the audience and then have Hogan make the save, but that seems out of place as well.  I’m thinking a draw, putting HHH in the main event.

HHH vs. Bryan has been building up for years and the Occupy Raw movement finally got us to this point.  People have been wanting to see Bryan take HHH’s head off for months now and this is the chance.  HHH’s video on Monday made everything work so much better, as now HHH is acting evil like he should have been doing all along.  This is the moment Bryan needs to set up the moment he’s destined for, and it’s going to come at the end of an insane match.

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The winner literally beats the entire division.We’ve been saying AJ loses the title in the big finale to Total Divas for months now, but for once I think it doesn’t happen.  Instead I see AJ hanging onto the title so Paige can win the title on Raw.  The Total Divas would rather yell at each other over their latest drama and the title has only been mentioned occasionally.  AJ winning and issuing an open challenge on Raw is a great way to go, but this is going to be completely insane no matter what happens so why bother trying to talk about the match itself?

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I’ve ranted enough about the complaints for the build.It’s Wrestlemania.  Of course Undertaker wins.

Seriously what else do you want here?  It’s going to be a brutal fight and the Streak continues, sending Undertaker into seclusion until next February, save for an appearance tomorrow night on Raw.

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