Elimination Chamber 2013
Date: February 17, 2013
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

This is the final PPV before we hit Wrestlemania 29. The main events tonight are the Rock defending the Raw World Title against CM Punk, Alberto Del Rio defending the Smackdown World Title against Big Show and an Elimination Chamber match for the #1 contendership to the Smackdown World Title. The card is pretty stacked on top which hopefully will make for a fun show. Let’s get to it.

Pre Show: Brodus Clay/Tensai vs. Rhodes Scholars

Sandow and Rhodes talk about how this is the reunion tour that the fans have demanded on social media. Tensai has his own hat now and dances down to the ring. It’s Sandow vs. Brodus to start things off but Damien is quickly sent to the floor. A double tag brings in Cody to face Tensai and after a splash staggers Rhodes, he comes back with a punch to the large head of Tensai.

Sandow cheats a bit, allowing Cody to hit the Disaster Kick for two. Damien comes in legally now and pounds away for a bit before bringing Cody back in for a front facelock. Tensai fights out and hits an uppercut but Rhodes gets a tag out anyway. Tensai shrugs off the Wind-Up Elbow and brings in Clay off the hot tag. Brodus runs over Cody in the corner and loads up his suplex but Sandow dropkicks him in the back for the save. The big guys crush Sandow with standing body attacks, followed by a double headbutt and double splash to Cody for the pin at 4:06.

Rating: C. This was exactly what it was expected to be: a fun opener that allowed both teams to fire up the crowd a bit. I have no idea what the point was in splitting up the Scholars to have them reunite like two weeks later, but I’m not a professional at stuff like this. Brodus and Tensai will probably enter the tag title picture soon, once HELL NO breaks up.

The opening video is about how this is the final chance at getting to Wrestlemania, but to go the men have to pay a price. We also talk about the six man tag with Shield vs. Cena/Ryback/Sheamus. Oh and the title matches are thrown in as well.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

Alberto is defending, having beaten Show for the title on Smackdown earlier this year in a last man standing match. Del Rio won a rematch with the same gimmick at the Royal Rumble, but Big Show says Del Rio can’t pin him. Alberto broke Big Show’s bus because that’s what kind of a hero he is. Big Show takes the champion into the corner to start and hits a pair of the skin curling chops, only to have Alberto come back with a kick to the ribs.

The Big Bald tries to get a boot up in the corner but Alberto hits a kind of jawbreaker onto the leg to slow Big Show down. The superkick to the jaw gets two but Big Show easily throws Alberto away. Big Show spears Del Rio in half but only gets two out of it. A big clothesline puts Del Rio down and a kick to the throat does the same. The fans get behind Alberto but not enough to make him avoid the Vader Bomb for two.

Out of nowhere Alberto grabs the cross armbreaker but Big Show’s limbs are too long, allowing him to get his foot on the rope to escape. Big Show gets back up and grabs a bearhug to slow things down again. He lets it go quickly though as instead of squeezing the champion, he has to kick Ricardo’s bucket to the floor. Big Show tries a powerbomb but Del Rio counters with a rana to send Show to the floor. A suicide dive takes Big Show out and both guys are down on the floor.

Show dives in to break the count at nine but gets caught with a top rope seated senton for two. Back up and Big Show hits a fast chokeslam for another near fall but he can’t follow up. The challenger loads up the WMD (is it called that anymore?) but Del Rio wisely bails to the floor. Show throws him back in but Del Rio counters another choke attempt with a DDT. That gets two for the champion as does the running enziguri in the corner. The fans are way into these kickouts.

There’s the cross armbreaker again in the middle of the ring but Big Show stands up and hits a kind of powerbomb to break the hold. For you old school fans, think Davey Boy Smith vs. Shawn Michaels from 1992. The WMD is loaded up again but Big Show knocks out Ricardo with it instead. He picks up the bucket and Del Rio hits the running enziguri into the bucket (after slipping the first time) to drive it into Show’s head. Another enziguri sets up the cross armbreaker for the submission to retain the title at 13:05.

Rating: B-. How in the world can this be Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio? These two SUCKED just a year ago but now they’re having awesome matches against anyone they face. Del Rio is in a total zone right now and I’m hoping he can make magic with guys like Henry or Swagger at Wrestlemania. Big Show can go back to the upper midcard to be slayed by a hero, which is fine all around.

No Ziggler cash-in.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz

Cesaro, the champion, beat Miz at the Rumble but they’re having another match because they just want to keep fighting I guess. Two of Rock’s co-stars are in the audience here. Miz has a bad shoulder because of an attack from Antonio on Monday. Cesaro quickly sends him to the apron but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. Off to a wristlock by the champion but Miz reverses with another rollup for two. A shoulder breaker puts Miz down and the champion is in full control.

After a quick arm lock by Cesaro, Miz comes back with some knees to the ribs for two. Cesaro cranks on the arm some more to regain control and hooks a short arm scissors to keep Miz on the mat. The bad arm is draped across the bottom rope for two and it’s off to another arm lock on the challenger. They get back to their feet and a big boot staggers Cesaro for a bit. The running clothesline in the corner sets up the top rope axhandle, but Cesaro counters into a Fujiwara Armbar.

Miz rolls out of the hold and backdrops Cesaro out to the floor to buy himself some time. A cross body off the apron is caught by Antonio but Miz escapes and sends the champion’s bare knee into the steps. Back in and Miz channels his inner Nature Boy by working on the knee. A low DDT gets two on Cesaro and it’s back to the knee. The Figure Four is countered but Cesaro claims a low blow…and that’s a DQ at 8:22. That was a really unclear ending, but I’m guessing we get another match at Wrestlemania now. The replay shows that Cesaro caused the low blow himself.

Rating: C. Decent match with a lame ending here. At the end of the day, there’s no reason for this match to happen, but it’s pretty obvious that we’re getting the big win for Miz at Wrestlemania, despite the face turn floundering. Cesaro continues to look strong here though which is the right idea. This was one of Miz’s better matches in a good while.

Post match Miz kicks Cesaro low again.

HELL NO argues over whether or not Kane is in a bad mood. Kane says he’s focused because tonight is a big deal for him. Bryan offers a partnership tonight and they hug it out, but Kane doesn’t agree to watch Bryan’s back.

The Chamber is lowered.

Video on how the Chamber works. There are six men in the match with two men starting. The other four are in pods around the ring. Every five minutes, another man is entered into the match. People are eliminated by pin or submission and the last man surviving wins.

Jack Swagger vs. Kane vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry vs. Chris Jericho

Swagger has new music and Zeb Coulter with him. Jack says that when he talks, he showers us with truth. The mustache with Coulter attached talks about the Louisiana Purchase and how disappointed Thomas Jefferson would be with what has become of the once great nation. He doesn’t like illegal immigrants asking for handouts, so the two of them will make things right. Tonight marks the beginning of a Jack Swagger America. The starters are going to be Jericho and Bryan.

Jericho snaps off some armdrags and hooks a headlock on the mat. Bryan counters into a NO Lock attempt but Jericho rolls out into an attempt at the Walls. Bryan rolls out of that to send Jericho into the corner before hitting some NO kicks. Daniel moonsaults out of the corner but gets sent to the cage on the outside. They fight to try to slam each other onto the Chamber floor but Bryan tries the NO Lock again. Jericho counters into a slingshot into the cage as they head back inside.

Back in and a belly to back suplex gets two for Chris. Jack Swagger is in third and he goes right after Jericho. Bryan gets rammed into the cage wall a few times and Swagger follows up with a splash to crush Goat Face again. Swagger drives his knee into Bryan’s head to mash it against the Chamber floor but Jericho makes a save. Jack sends the Canadian into the cage a few times but Bryan comes back with a running knee to Swagger’s head to put him down again.

The swan dive from Bryan misses Jericho and Kane is in fourth. Kane and Bryan team up on Jericho and Swagger but Bryan turns on Kane with a rollup for two. Bryan wants to hug it out but instead Kane hits him in the face. The NO kicks have Kane in some trouble but the NO Lock is countered into a side slam for two. Kane goes up top but Bryan breaks up the clothesline. Jericho comes back in and plays Animal to Kane’s Hawk in a Doomsday Device on Bryan. That gets two for Swagger but he can’t suplex Kane a second later.

Randy Orton comes in fifth. He cleans house and hits a slingshot suplex on Bryan followed by the Elevated DDT on Kane onto the Chamber. In a cool visual, Orton superplexes Swagger just before Jericho superplexes Bryan to put all five guys down. Henry is desperate to get in and there goes the clock, giving us all six guys in the Chamber at once. House is cleaned again and a World’s Strongest Slam eliminates Bryan to get us down to five.

Henry easily tosses Orton through the glass of a pod in a painful looking visual. Back inside it’s Henry vs. Kane and the masked man staggers Henry with a big boot. The top rope clothesline is countered into another World’s Strongest Slam to eliminate Kane and get us down to four. Henry loads up Jericho but Chris escapes and sends Henry into the pod wall. Swagger helps Jericho out and they hit a double suplex onto the Chamber floor. Jericho and Swagger head back in and a cross body off the top gets two for Chris.

The gutwrench powerbomb is blocked by Jericho but he can’t hook the Walls. A bulldog looks to set up the Lionsault but Henry catches Jericho by the throat and throws him into the Chamber wall. Mark launches Jericho onto Swagger and both blonde haired guys are down. Henry misses a Vader Bomb onto both guys and it’s a Codebreaker and RKO to eliminate the World’s Strongest Man.

We’re down to Orton, Swagger and Jericho but all three guys are down. Henry is applauded as he leaves but goes back inside to hit World’s Strongest Slams on all three guys. The fans are digging Henry here and I can’t say I blame them. Booker and Teddy come out to try to stop Henry and they finally get him out of the Chamber. Swagger covers Orton for two and has early control of the three way fight.

Orton and Jericho team up to throw Swagger shoulder and head first into the post/pod. The slugout is on now instead of eliminating Swagger though which could come back to haunt them. Jericho goes up but jumps into a dropkick for two. Swagger is back in now and walks into a powerslam, as does Jericho. Chris breaks up the Elevated DDT on Swagger with a dropkick for two. The Codebreaker to Swagger is countered into a belly to belly suplex for two more.

The running Vader Bomb (popular move tonight) doesn’t connect with Orton but Swagger avoids the boot to the face and hooks the Patriot Act. Jericho hits an enzugiri on Swagger to break up the hold (why?) and there are the Walls on Jack. Orton breaks up the hold (again, why?) and gets two on Jericho before hitting a double Elevated DDT. Randy loads up the RKO but Jericho blocks it, only to miss the Lionsault and walk into the RKO for the elimination. Swagger immediately rolls up Orton for the final pin at 31:25 to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: B. This was solid stuff and while it was somewhat obvious that Swagger was winning when they got down to three, the match never got dull or uninteresting as they had a very solid triple threat segment at the end. I’m not wild on Swagger winning and getting a shot at the title, but at least they’ve tweaked his character a bit to make him somewhat more interesting. Good Chamber match.

Wrestlemania tickets are still available.

We recap Shield vs. Cena/Sheamus/Ryback. The Shield is here to fight for justice, but they’ve mainly attacked Ryback. Sheamus and Cena were attacked as well, so tonight the three superheroes join up to fight the seekers of justice.

Shield vs. John Cena/Sheamus/Ryback

Shield is Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns in case you’re reading this in 15 years. This was rumored to be inside the Chamber but it’s just a regular six man tag. The fight starts as Shield comes through the crowd and it’s a big brawl at ringside. They head into the ring and the bell hasn’t rung yet. The good guys hit triple vertical suplexes on the Shield and the bell finally rings with Sheamus vs. Ambrose to start things off.

Sheamus is in full control and wisely rips off Ambrose’s jacket to hit the ten forearms to the chest. Rollins is decked as well but a staredown with Reigns lets Ambrose get in a cheap shot. Off to Reigns legally now for some power strikes to the chest. Rollins and Ambrose hit some fast dropkicks for two until Seth hooks a rear naked choke to slow things down a bit. Back to Ambrose but he spends too much time shouting, allowing Sheamus to hit a fast Brogue Kick to put both guys down.

The hot tag brings in Cena to face the legal Reigns and there’s a Shuffle for Roman. There’s the STF but Ambrose makes the save. Rollins dives onto Cena to keep him down and get two for Reigns. A hard whip into the corner puts Cena down again and it’s off to Rollins. Seth talks a lot of trash which allows Cena to come back, only to be taken down by a jumping kick to the face for two.

Back to Dean as the focus is on Cena’s hand and arm. Shield hits some nice triple team stuff culminating in a big clothesline from Reigns for two. Sheamus and Roman get in a shouting match but Reigns is able to stop Cena’s comeback attempt with a Samoan drop for two. Off to a chinlock followed by a punch to Cena’s chest for two. Ambrose gets two off a neckbreaker followed by a figure four choke to keep Cena in trouble. John fights up but gets caught by a DDT for two almost immediately.

The fans really want to see Ryback now and they might get the chance as Cena backdrops Ambrose to the floor. The double tag brings in Rollins to face Ryback as the place lights up. Ryback throws Ambrose into Rollins in the corner but Reigns breaks up the Meat Hook. Everything breaks down as Sheamus goes to the floor with Roman.

A HUGE spear puts Sheamus through the barricade but Reigns is down too. Rollins dives at Ryback but is caught in midair, only to be saved by Dean. Reigns comes back in for the TripleBomb but Cena makes the save. There’s an AA to Ambrose as Ryback loads up the Shell Shock on Rollins, but Reigns spears Ryback down to give Rollins the pin at 14:51.

Rating: B-. Well that’s one way to go. I’m not sure where they go with Ryback now though as he keeps losing every time he fights Shield. They’ve basically crippled his momentum at this point since Ryback hasn’t won a match of note since….October? I have no idea what they’re going to do with Shield next but you can’t say they’re not putting them over like free beer in a frat house.

Ryback storms out.

Don’t try this at home.

Here are Ziggler and company with something to say. Ziggler congratulates Swagger on making it to Wrestlemania, but that doesn’t guarantee him the world title. The MITB case guarantees you the title apparently. You should call the cops because Ziggler has stolen more shows than this year’s Hall of Fame class combined. Cue Booker T who says Ziggler is wrong. He knows someone that can do everything Ziggler can do and more, so it’s time for a match.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

Ziggler immediately takes it to the mat but Kofi pops up with a dropkick. Kofi misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post though and Ziggy takes over. Kofi pops back up and does his double leapfrog, only to jump into the sleeper. The hold is broken and Kofi dives onto Big E. Langston on the floor. An AJ distraction backfires and Trouble in Paradise lays out Ziggler. It only gets two though as Langston makes the save, so Kofi dives on him again. Back inside and a cross body gets two for Kofi so he goes up top, only to get dropped onto the buckle. The Zig Zag is good for the pin for Dolph at 3:54.

Rating: C. Usual decent match from these two as you would expect. When you fight each other as much as these two do, you become capable of having good matches in your sleep. These two passed that point years ago so even a quick four minute match like this is fine. Kofi continues to do his thing: make people look good.

Post match Langston lays out Kofi with the Big Ending.

We hear about the WWE App for the 475^th time in the last month.

Brodus and the Funkadactyls are playing with the new WWE toys when Tensai comes in to hear a commercial. Tensai wants to know where his figure is. Brodus asks what the tattoos on his face mean but Tensai doesn’t know. It might be a sushi menu though. Dancing ensues.

Divas Title: Tamina Snuka vs. Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn is defending and this match was set up on the WWE App on Monday. The crowd is silent for Kaitlyn’s entrance so we get a quick promo from her about how scary Tamina is. Tamina shoves Katilyn around a bit to start but gets caught in a rollup for two. A backslide gets two more for the champ and Tamina is knocked to the floor. The other Divas are watching in the back. Kaitlyn goes to the apron, only to be rammed into the buckle and knocked out to the floor. Back in and a Samoan drop puts Kaitlyn down but the Superfly Splash misses. Kaitlyn spears her down to retain at 3:15.

Rating: D+. Did we really need this? No? I didn’t think so either. When your match is set up on the WWE App, it’s pretty clear that it’s not needed on the card. For about two weeks there were no Divas mentioned anywhere on WWE TV and it was a very nice break. Why did they need to come back again?

Wrestlemania is in 49 days.

We recap The Rock vs. CM Punk. Rock won the title at the Royal Rumble but during the match, the lights went out and Shield attacked the Rock. That was enough to give Punk the pin, but Vince McMahon restarted the match because he thought Punk was behind the attack. Rock came back and won the title with a People’s Elbow to end Punk’s fourteen month long reign. Punk DEMANDED a rematch tonight and recently got Vince to agree to the stipulation of if Rock gets counted out or disqualified, he loses the title.

Raw World Title: The Rock vs. CM Punk

Rock is defending and if he gets counted out or disqualified, he loses the title. Punk stole the physical belt on Raw and has it with him here. We get some big match intros and we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start with Rock avoiding some kicks from Punk. The fans are split on who to cheer for as Punk shoulder blocks Rock down. Punk does it again and smiles a lot. Heyman shouts that it’s 2-0 now.

The challenger grabs a headlock and there’s the third straight shoulder knockdown by Punk. Rock snaps off some armdrags so Punk bails to the outside. Back in and Punk slaps Rock which ticks the champion off. The referee breaks up the beating in the corner because it was about to cost Rock the title. Punk spits in Rock’s face ala Christian vs. Orton from 2011. Rock takes his head off with a clothesline and sends Punk to the floor for another clothesline.

After a Heyman distraction, Punk takes Rock’s head off with another clothesline back inside for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Punk hits some elbow drops for two. Back to the chinlock as Rock is in some trouble. The champion fights up but gets kicked in the head for two. Heyman shouts that Punk is getting closer and there’s a snap suplex for two more. Back to the chinlock for a bit before Rock charges into a boot in the corner.

The springboard clothesline gets a near fall for Punk and it’s off to a cravate. That lasts a few seconds because it’s time for another chinlock. This is a much slower paced match than what they did at the Rumble. Rock fights up and pounds away in the corner but Punk avoids the spit punch and hits a running knee to the chest. The running knee hits to the jaw this time and the Macho Elbow gets two more.

They head to the floor where Punk loads up the announce table but gets rammed into the other table to stop the momentum. Back in and the high kick stops Rock cold for another near fall. We head outside again and Punk hits a Rock Bottom onto the table which doesn’t break. That looked great as Rock bounced off the table with no give. Rock slides back in at nine so Punk pounds away. Punk runs his mouth a bit too much and charges into a Samoan drop to put both guys down.

Back up again and Rock hits a BIG right hand to stagger Punk against the ropes. They slug it out and there’s the jumping clothesline by Rock followed by a DDT to put CM down. The Rock Bottom is countered and Punk elbows Rock down. Punk goes up top but dives into a Rock Bottom for two. The fans are shocked at that one. Punk shoves Rock into the referee right before hitting the GTS but there’s no one to count. Another referee comes out as Rock escapes another GTS.

The spinebuster sets up the People’s Elbow but it only gets two as well. Punk rolls onto the referee’s ankle, sending him to the floor in pain. Another high kick puts Rock down and Punk calls for Heyman to send in the belt. Punk nails Heyman with the title and a second Rock Bottom is enough to send Rock to Wrestlemania at 20:57.

Rating: B. This stated slow but got a lot better once they hit the main event style. The match was probably overbooked but that’s Rock’s bread and butter as an Attitude Era main eventer. I don’t think people were expecting Punk to win the title here and the stipulation wasn’t needed, but at least the match was entertaining. That’s all you can ask for when you have a match with a pretty obvious ending.

Rock poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a really solid show with nothing outside of the women being less than quite good. There are a TON of options still on the table for Wrestlemania which is a very exciting feeling. Things tomorrow night should shed some more light on what we’re going to get, but we’re definitely on the Road to Wrestlemania which means things should be getting very exciting very fast. Good show tonight too.

Results

Alberto Del Rio b. Big Show – Cross Armbreaker

Antonio Cesaro b. The Miz via DQ when Miz hit Cesaro low

Jack Swagger b. Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, Kane and Daniel Bryan last eliminating Orton – Rollup

Shield b. John Cena/Ryback/Sheamus – Ambrose pinned Ryback after a spear from Reigns

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag

Kaitlyn b. Tamina Snuka – Spear

The Rock b. CM Punk – Rock Bottom

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my ebook of 1998 Monday Night Raw Reviews on Amazon at:

How nice it is to only have one Chamber match at this show.  Let’s get to it.Starting with the preshow, I’ll go with Brodus/Tensai to beat the Rhodes Scholars.  Wait, didn’t they split up already?  Oh wait that was about two weeks ago so there’s no reason to remember it.  This is basically just a way to put the dancers over which is fine, but the Scholars shouldn’t have split already.  This should be the reason they break up, but that would make too much sense I guess.

I’ll go with Rock to retain the title, but I’m not 100% sold on it anymore.  The promos don’t have me wanting to see the match as much as I wanted to see them last month, but it should be better now that Rock isn’t coming in seven months cold.  I think they’re heading for Rock vs. Cena II at Wrestlemania and I can’ t say I’d argue over that idea.  Rock retains.

For the other title match…..I’ll go with Del Rio winning.  The bigger question seems to be will Ziggler cash in.  He hasn’t been seen much lately at all, which may be an attempt to make us forget about him before he cashes in on Sunday.  That being said, I’ve been thinking he’ll cash in for six months now, but I don’t think he’ll do it here.  Either that or he cashes in and loses.  Del Rio walks out with the title.

This brings us to the Chamber itself.  I’m pulling for Henry to win and set up the 6’4 Mexican David vs. the guy that Goliath checks under the bed for every night.  That being said, I have a bad feeling they’ll go with Swagger for the evil xenophobia angle at Wrestlemania, which makes my head hurt.  Bryan and Kane will likely continue to self destruct which is probably the best thing for them.  Orton and Jericho are just there and might have a match at Mania out of it.  Hopefully Henry wins but Swagger is the dark horse candidate.

I’ll take the three man machine to beat Shield.  Why would you have Cena win the Rumble one month and then lose in a six man the next?  Shield goes down here.

Kaitlyn over Tamina and Cesaro over Miz in matches that make no difference whatsoever.

Elimination Chamber looks like it could fit into the category of “good because it has no expectations coming in.”  Things could change a bit at this show and odds are we’ll finally get some answers about the rest of the card at Wrestlemania.  There are a lot of options open still which is nice as opposed to the card being pretty obvious eight weeks out.  The show should be good an interesting, which is a good sign.

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 11, 2013
Location: Bridgestone Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s the last week before Elimination Chamber and the word on the street is that there’s going to be another Elimination Chamber match announced, although in the form of a three on three WarGames style match. I’d be more than cool with this as the Chamber is the only way they’re going to be able to use the idea in WWE due to the size of the extra ring taking up too much space. Rock is in the house too. Let’s get to it.

Heyman opens the show and talks about all the sacrifices he’s made over the years with a focus on ECW. Then he came to WWE (F at the time) and saw a rookie named Brock Lesnar. Heyman turned him into the Next Big Thing and saw a man that could carry WWE into the future and break Sammartino’s record. Oh wait he means Punk should have broken the record.

Apparently something very bad is going to happen and the Sword of Damocles is hanging over Paul’s head, but it’s going to fall onto Punk’s head. Therefore, tonight he’s going to tender his resignation, because he isn’t going to distract Punk from winning the title back. He’s going to miss Punk but he’ll be cheering for him.

Cue Punk with a concerned look on his face. Paul says that Vince believes that he was behind Shield, Lesnar and Maddox and even though he wasn’t, it doesn’t matter. Punk says both he and the people look up to him so he can’t leave. Heyman says he told Punk when he started that in the land of the McMahons, perception is reality.

What happened at the Rumble is nothing compared to what’s coming, so remember him as a friend and not a martyr. Punk says forget all this because on Sunday, everything will be back to normal. He’ll win the title and Heyman will be in his corner. Paul says he’ll be there on Sunday and they hug. Ok then.

Great Khali vs. Mark Henry

Apparently Mysterio was injured last week so he’s out of the Chamber. He wasn’t at the house show I was at last night so maybe there’s something to that. We’ve currently got Bryan, Orton and Henry inside there. Henry pounds Khali into the corner to start but runs into an elbow and boot to slow him down. Henry shrugs it off and hits some clotheslines to put Khali down and the World’s Strongest Slam ends this at 1:34.

Horny gets a slam as well post match.

Jericho wants in the Chamber but Booker says he has to beat Daniel Bryan first. Booker yells at Teddy a bit too, and we get a Jericho impression of Booker for fun.

Vickie is on the phone with someone when Heyman comes in. Paul wants a stipulation added to the title match Sunday but a phone call from Vince interrupts them. Heyman asks to talk to Vince so Vickie turns speaker on. Paul apologizes to Vince for what Lesnar did and knows that Vince will be back soon. Vince tells him to shut up and wants to know the stipulation Heyman had in mind. Paul suggests that if Rock gets counted out or DQ’ed that Punk gets the title back. Vince says put it in writing and it’s a deal before hanging up. We get dial tone off an iPhone 5. Methinks this is fake.

Fandango is coming. I saw him last night and I don’t want to see him again.

Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho

We start things off with a feeling out process as Cole talks about the history between these two on the first season of NXT. Jericho sends him to the apron but misses the springboard dropkick. Bryan hits the suicide dive and we take a break. Back with more back and forth action, such as Bryan hitting a clothesline but having a running dropkick into the corner countered into a Walls attempt.

The Lionsault hits knees though and Bryan goes up. Jericho breaks up whatever Daniel was going to try though and tries a superplex, only to be knocked off, giving us the FLYING GOAT HEADBUTT for two. Jericho tries for the Walls again but gets countered into a NO Lock. Jericho rolls through again and loads up the Walls, only for Bryan to roll through and kick him in the chest. A rollup gets two for Chris and after ducking another kick, Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the pin at 10:48.

Rating: B-. Solid match here but you knew that was going to be the case when it was happening. Bryan looked fine here, but again I can’t stand that they have one guy get into the Chamber by beating someone already in it. It makes one of the people look weak going into the match, and that’s not good. It’s ok when you do it for one guy at most, but doing it with nearly half the people is annoying.

3MB vs. Sheamus/John Cena/Ryback

Methinks this isn’t going to last long. Slater vs. Ryback gets things going and there’s Warrior gorilla press drop to start. Off to Sheamus vs. McIntyre with Sheamus pounding away quickly. A right hand to the face slows Sheamus down but he comes right back with the forearms to the chest. Off to Cena vs. Mahal and Cena gives a look as if to say “let’s get this over with.” John easily knocks him down and hits the Shuffle before everything breaks down. We get stereo AA/Shell Shock and White Noise with Cena pinning Mahal at 2:50.

Regarding the six man, this was perfect. We got to see how awesome these three can be together, it was short, and it’s not like 3MB loses anything here. I liked this a lot and the idea and execution were perfect.

Ryback says he’s going to feast on Sunday. Sheamus says he doesn’t believe in the Shield but he believes they can fight tonight instead. Cena says if they want some come get some.

We get a clip of Del Rio breaking Show’s bus on Friday and pouring paint on him. Earlier today Alex Riley and Yoshi Tatsu were laughing about it and Show massacred them.

Here’s Big Show to the ring so he can knock out Matt Striker. Show picks up the mic and walks out. Ok then.

Sammartino HOF video.

Zack Ryder vs. Jack Swagger

Dutch Mantel of all people, known here as Zeb Coulter, is with Swagger here. Ryder hits a fast Broski Boot to start but gets sent to the floor for a belly to belly suplex. Back in and Swagger pounds away before hitting a buckle bomb to stop Zack dead. The gutwrench bomb and Patriot Act end this at 2:40.

Post match Coulter goes on a rant about how this isn’t his America anymore. He sees people that don’t look like him that he can’t understand anymore. Coultier wants to get rid of these people and oh dear goodness this ABSOLUTELY CANNOT END WELL. I’m a big political geek and this sounds like a Tea Party character. This cannot end well. Period.

Booker says Swagger is in the Chamber now. Ziggler comes up to whine about Jericho being in the Chamber and says that if he’s in, Ziggler wants in. Booker makes Ziggler vs. Kane, winner gets the last spot in the Chamber.

We recap Lesnar beating up Miz last week.

The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes

Cesaro is on commentary because the feud continues. Feeling out process to start with Rhodes taking over, hitting a running knee to the face for two. Off to an armbar for a bit but Miz comes back with a flapjack. We head to the floor where Cody is sent into the apron, but Miz has to stop and kick a charging Cesaro in the face. Cesaro gets up and posts Miz for the DQ at 3:03.

Rating: D+. This was all for the ending because Cesaro has only beaten Miz once or twice now. I will give them this though: at least they didn’t have Rhodes lose clean, which would have been probably the worst thing they could have done. I’m guessing we get Miz vs. Cesaro on Sunday now.

Post match Cesaro grabs Miz and hits a kind of giant swing, but each time Miz is rammed head first into the barricade. That was pretty awesome.

Wrestlemania Reading Challenge video.

Brodus Clay/Tensai vs. Primo/Epico

Tensai and I think Epico start things off and the fat man takes over. House is quickly cleaned and it’s the suplex from Brodue and the backsplash to Primo for the pin at 1:11.

Post match it’s time to dance. Of and Rosa gets thrown to the floor and beaten up by the Funkadactyls.

Here’s Shield to talk about how they’re here to shield us from atrocities. They call out the three guys that challenged them earlier to a fight right now but there’s no one coming. Rollins says Cena fails every day just by existing, and on Sunday he’ll fail again. Ambrose talks about how Cena lives in his own little world with no idea what the real world is like.

Cena has set the standard for everyone in this generation and is the reason a lot of them are here today. They call out all three guys again and there go the lights. They come back up and it’s Cena, Ryback and Sheamus in the ring to start the brawl. It heads into the crowd and the Shield runs.

We recap the Punk/Heyman segment from earlier.

Damien Sandow makes fun of Nashville’s taste in music.

Damien Sandow vs. Alberto Del Rio

Sandow starts fast and hits a Russian legsweep and the Wind-Up Elbow for no cover. Del Rio avoids a clothesline in the corner and fires off some clotheslines. The tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Sandow down and there’s the low superkick for two. The Cross Armbreaker ends this at 1:16.

Del Rio praises Big Show’s promo earlier (where he didn’t say anything) because the time for talking is done. It won’t be in a bus or a hotel room, because the only place Del Rio wants to go is Wrestlemania.

Barrett is on the way to the ring when Bo Dallas jumps him.

Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

Barrett is shaken up because of being attacked. Kofi takes over to start but Wade comes right back with some knees to the ribs and an elbow to the face for one. Off to a chinlock for a few seconds but Kofi hits a jawbreaker to escape. A kind of splash to the back of the bent over Barrett (for you indy fans, think Delirious’ Shadows Over Hell) gets two as does a top rope cross body. Another springboard misses and the Winds of Change get two for Wade. The Bull Hammer and Trouble in Paradise miss but as Kofi goes to the floor, the Hammer hits for the pin at 3:02.

Rating: C-. Well he won at least. That’s better than you can say for most matches for the midcard champion anymore. There wasn’t much to see here but Kofi is always good for a decent performance. Barrett vs. Dallas has some potential to be good and the feud is shaping up pretty well.

Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler

The winner gets to join Bryan, Swagger, Orton, Henry and Jericho in the Chamber. Kane slugs him down to start as Cole and Lawler talk about Valentine’s Day. Ziggler comes back with a dropkick and some stomping to the back before pounding away in the corner. Kane tosses Ziggler into the air to slow him down but Dolph bails to the floor to avoid a chokeslam.

We take a break and come back with Kane charging into a boot in the corner. Ziggler gets up onto the corner, only to get knocked off via an uppercut. Langston stands over Ziggler as if to say bring it on Kane but Ziggy takes Kane down before the showdown. Back in and Ziggler fires off a bunch of elbow drops but his cross body is caught.

Ziggler escapes again and hits the jumping DDT for no cover. Off to the sleeper for a bit but Kane slams him down, only to get caught with the Fameasser. Kane comes back with the side slam and goes up, but AJ gets the distraction. She gets knocked into Langston which distracts Ziggler just enough for the chokeslam to put Kane in the Chamber at 10:20.

Rating: C+. This was a pretty decent match with Kane being his usual decent self. His style fits well with small athletic guys so it was no shock that the match was a success. Ziggler jobs again despite being likely to win the championship in a few months at worst. That’s WWE for you, although Ziggler being concerned about AJ is a new development.

Video on how the Chamber works.

Here’s Rock to end the show. He says that right now is Story Time with the Rock. In 1987, Rock and his family moved to Nashville, Tennessee. Rock signed up for high school as a 6’4, 220lbs fifteen year old. Unfortunately he couldn’t get anything from the girls because they thought he was an undercover cop. Since he was so big, he hung out at a bar with his boy Downtown Bruno (Harvey Wippleman’s character).

One night at the bar someone showed up (“No not Jeff Jarrett.”) but it wasn’t the person he was hoping it was: Willie Nelson. Instead it was a crackhead who had a car to sell. He wanted $75 so Rock gave him a $40 down payment. “Yeah at 15 years old Rock was hustling a crackhead in a bar.” He was out driving it when he found out that there was another crackhead in the back seat. Rock threw the crackhead out and then thought the car might be stolen. So he ditched the car at 2am in a Burger King parking lot and walked right back to Tootsie’s Lounge, which I guess is a popular place in Nashville.

Two lessons from the story: if you’re buying a car, don’t buy it from a crackhead. Also, don’t be like Rock at 15. Instead be like him at 25 when he had his first match at the Nashville Fairgrounds. Those matches got him started on the road to where he is today, which is where he’ll be after Elimination Chamber: on top of the world as WWE Champion.

This brings out Punk but Rock says that he’s ready to go right now. There goes the shirt but Punk stops before he gets to the ring. Scratch that as Punk charges in and Rock beats him into the corner. There’s the spinebuster but Heyman breaks up the Elbow. The GTS takes out Rock and Punk walks off with the title. Punk says that if Rock brings it, Punk will take it. He poses with the belt to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pretty sweet show as we had a running theme of the Chamber going. Rock sells the PPV as only he can and we’ve got a good six man to give the top stars something to do until the real build to Wrestlemania starts. This was a really solid show though, political “insights” aside. Good stuff here.

Results

Mark Henry b. Great Khali – World’s Strongest Slam

Chris Jericho b. Daniel Bryan – Codebreaker

Ryback/John Cena/Sheamus b. 3MB – Attitude Adjustment to Slater

Jack Swagger b. Zack Ryder – Patriot Act

Brodus Clay/Tensai b. Primo/Epico – Backsplash to Primo

Alberto Del Rio b. Damien Sandow – Cross Armbreaker

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer

Kane b. Dolph Ziggler – Chokeslam

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and remember to pick up my new ebook of 1998 Monday Night Raw Reviews on Amazon at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 4, 2013
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting closer to the Elimination Chamber which has nothing to do with Raw but it’s WWE in general so there you go. As for tonight the main story is what happened at the end of last week’s show with Lesnar and Vince. Vince needs real hip surgery so that was the story they came up with to get McMahon off TV. We’re also going to get some more between Rock and Punk. Let’s get to it.

After a LONG recap of the main stuff from last week, here’s Punk to open the show. He makes the announcer call him the REAL People’s Champion. Punk talks about how he’s had a week to reflect on having his championship stolen from him and yeah it affects him. He doesn’t think anyone here in the arena has ever accomplished anything in his life.

Punk goes on a rant about how he wasn’t in the video and there’s no proof he had anything to do with Shield or Maddox. Why would you believe Vince? Knowing Vince, he might have hired an actor that sounds like Heyman. Punk talks about how Vince had hip surgery today and that’s karma. Vince probably set this up because he doesn’t want Punk to be champion. In two weeks he will get back the physical belt back because this is day number four hundred and…..here’s Booker T?

Booker stumbles over his lines and says that since Vickie is in charge tonight, the people are going to pick who he faces. It’s going to be one of Punk’s previous Wrestlemania opponents: Mysterio, Orton or Jericho. Just download the WWE App and vote!

Here’s how to vote on the App because if you have a smart phone, clearly you have no idea how to download an app!

Orton, on the App, pitches why he should face Punk.

Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro

I knew it would be Cesaro before the music hit through common sense and process of elimination. That doesn’t speak well for WWE. They shove each other around to start and Cesaro gets slammed around a few times. Ryback puts him in the Tree of Woe and hits some “feed me more” stomps. Back in and Cesaro pounds away as well, only to be caught by the Thesz Press. Antonio hits a clothesline to the back of Ryback’s head to take him down and we go to a break.

Back with Ryback being slammed into the steps for a close count. This would be after the exclusive footage from the WWE App, which isn’t exclusive if they’re showing it elsewhere, as well as being overkill of the whole thing at all. The Meat Hook puts Cesaro on the floor and the match continues. After a European Uppercut hits in the ring, it’s another Meat Hook and the Shell Shock for the pin at 9:50.

Rating: C-. Cesaro loses to Ryback. Again. Like I said, it’s not a good sign that it was obvious who was facing Ryback as there was no one else that could be facing him at his level. Also since Cesaro and Ryback fight a lot, they were likely to be fighting again here. That’s WWE in a nutshell for you anymore. Nothing special in the match either.

MORE WWE APP STUFF!!! DID WE MENTION THIS ALREADY???

We look at the Shield taking out Sheamus, Ryback and Cena last week.

Mysterio talks on the App.

We get a long video on the history of the Shield.

Cena is watching the video and has his serious face on. Apparently he’s going to call out Shield on his own tonight so Vickie makes fun of him a bit.

Trish Stratus Hall of Fame video.

Jericho completes the trio of shilling for the App.

Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger

Booker is on commentary for no apparent reason. Swagger’s hair is a bit more down than it was on Smackdown. He shoves Santino around to start as Booker talks about how Swagger is ratings. The Vader Bomb hits and it’s the ankle lock for the tap at 1:27. Apparently it’s called the Patriot Act now.

Swagger yells at Booker post match.

You can now vote on the WWE APP!!!

Apparently since so many people are on the WWE App, you can now vote on WWE.com. Yep, after ALL THAT TALKING, you can just vote without the App. Egads this company gets annoying at times.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Cody Rhodes

Del Rio gets slapped in the face and here comes the champion. The enziguri in the corner isn’t an enziguri as it hits the shoulder, but Cody pounds away anyway. He goes after the leg but Alberto makes the quick comeback with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and a low superkick for two. Cody comes back with the Disaster Kick for the same but he walks into the cross armbreaker at 2:45. Well at least he lasted longer than he did against Cena last week.

Del Rio talks about how he’s a changed man and how much he respects the people that work every day to put food on the table. Big Show pops up on screen and talks about how he’s better than Del Rio. He’s at a hotel because if he was there, he would kill Alberto. Apparently Show ran from the parking lot because he wants this in a real match, not in a parking lot. The rematch is made for the PPV, you know the drill.

Jericho gets to face Punk.

Bryan and Kane argue over getting into the Chamber. Isn’t Bryan already in?

Rey Mysterio vs. Daniel Bryan

Apparently Orton and Mysterio are already in the Chamber but Bryan has to make it in. Didn’t they already say who was in the Chamber on Smackdown on Friday? Bryan takes him to the mat to start but Mysterio comes back with some knees to the face. A modified gutbuster puts Rey down for two and Mysterio heads to the apron. Rey goes up but gets caught in the Tree of Woe for some NO Kicks. Bryan goes shoulder first into the post and we take a break.

Back with Mysterio firing off some forearms but getting suplexed down so Daniel can stomp on the arm a bit. He throws Mysterio out to the floor and hits a baseball slide to keep Rey on the floor. Bryan loads up the suicide dive but Rey gets a forearm up. The top rope seated senton starts to pick things up and Rey hits a rana into the kick to the head for two. The 619 is countered into a No Lock attempt but Rey rolls him up for two. Mysterio hits a rana into the 619 but the top rope splash misses. NO Lock finishes at 8:35.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent match here as you would expect from these guys. Rey is already in the Chamber so nice job of having him lose here. Bryan is in the Chamber now I guess, but given the way things have been going on Smackdown, who knows where they’re going with the Chamber. Granted I know what’s coming next.

MARK HENRY returns to power walk towards Bryan. Daniel goes at him and is immediately sent into the barricade. Henry takes out Rey and the running in Cara as well.

Bryan yells at Kane for not helping him. Kane: “You told me to stay back here.” Bryan: “SINCE WHEN DO YOU LISTEN TO ME???” Kane teases Bryan about hurting his feelings but he’s only playing.

We recap (I’ve said that a lot tonight) Vince and Heyman from last week followed by Lesnar attacking Vince and breaking his hip.

Big Show is on the phone with Booker when there’s a knock at the door. It’s room service but Big Show doesn’t tip. And that’s that apparently.

Sheamus vs. Kane

This should be good. Bryan is officially in the Chamber due to his win earlier. I don’t think either of these guys have qualified yet though. Kane powers Sheamus into the corner to start, Sheamus powers him right back, Kane gets caught in the Irish Curse, we’ve killed 90 seconds. A clothesline sends Kane to the floor but he breaks up the ten forearms to the chest. The Brogue Kick, chokeslam, White Noise and the tombstone are all countered so Kane hits his running DDT for no cover. Cue Bryan to yell at Kane, allowing Sheamus to Brogue Kick the big man for the pin at 3:48.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have any time to get anywhere. I’d assume they both make the Chamber but since Friday I’ve lost all idea of who is in and who isn’t. The match was nothing of note but keeping it short might have been the better idea given who was in there. The clash of styles would have really hurt them here in the end more than likely.

Here’s MizTV with Paul Heyman as guest. After looking at what happened last week, Paul offers Vince his best wishes. Miz doesn’t buy it but Heyman guarantees that he wasn’t behind Brock last week. He was even begging Brock to not do it. Miz still doesn’t buy it so Heyman goes on a rant about everything he can think of not related to last week. Paul gets in Miz’s face but here’s Vickie to interrupt.

She says that Heyman is telling the truth because it was her that brought Brock back. Vickie recognized him as an elite free agent so she rehired him to impress Vince. She offers her condolences so Heyman wants a moment of silence. Vickie says we should pray but Miz says really. Miz talks about how Vickie is always wanting more power and Heyman hates Vince for crushing ECW. Vickie yells but Miz says Vince will fire Heyman and Vickie as soon as he’s back. Cue Lesnar who destroys the MizTV set and hits the F5 on Miz onto the couch.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

Are these two contractually obligated to fight every other week or something? It’s a brawl to start with Orton heading to the floor quickly. Barrett rams him into a few things before heading back inside for a quick chinlock. Orton fights up with a clothesline and the Elevated DDT but Wade rolls to the outside. That lasts a few seconds but Orton charges back into the Winds of Change for two. Wasteland and the RKO are both countered but Barrett misses a big boot in the corner and it’s the RKO for the pin at 4:51.

Rating: C. Does this mean anything anymore for Orton? He beats Barrett so often anymore that it’s hard to care whatsoever when it happens anymore. Nothing to see here at all either as it didn’t have time to build to anything. It continues to amaze me how they have so much time but they can’t give a match five minutes.

Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk

The fans are completely split between the two guys. They chop it out to start and Punk takes him down with some knees. We hit the armbar by Punk who yells at the referee to ASK HIM. Nice touch. Jericho fights up and escapes a tornado DDT to send Punk to the floor. A baseball slide puts Punk down but he blocks the springboard dropkick as we take a break.

Back with Punk slamming Jericho down and dropping a leg to the back of Jericho’s head. Off to the cravate but Punk misses a splash to give Jericho control. The Lionsault hits knees but Jericho counters into a Walls attempt almost immediately. Punk goes for the knee in the corner but Jericho avoids the shot and hits a top rope rana for a delayed two. The GTS is countered but Jericho can’t hook the Walls. They fight over a small package but Punk hooks a spinning neckbreaker for two. The running knee in the face hits this time but the Macho Elbow misses.

The Lionsault gets two as does Punk’s High Kick. This is starting to get awesome. There’s the Anaconda Vice but Jericho FINALLY makes the rope. Jericho goes up but gets crotched, only to get caught in the GTS. Chris counters AGAIN and this time he hooks the Walls. Punk barely makes the rope but he can’t hook the GTS because of his back. The Walls are countered by sending Jericho into the buckle. Punk sends him into the post and the GTS finally ends Jericho at 15:03.

Rating: A-. GREAT match here and one of the best TV matches I’ve seen in a very long time. This was a long series of counters with Punk using everything he could to set up the GTS until he finally got it on to end the thing. Jericho constantly countering into the Walls showed off how great he was in the ring on top of on the mic. Great great match here.

In a huge surprise, Bruno Sammartino is officially announced for the WWE Hall of Fame. This is a BIG pick up because Bruno has spent years saying he wouldn’t do anything with WWE at all. George Steele talks about how awesome Bruno was which is freaking weird to hear.

Punk says he’s here and Rock isn’t.

Video on the media hyping up Rock’s title win. You know Vince is loving this.

Cena says he’s serious tonight and is pushing back against the Shield.

Show is eating dinner and is on the phone saying he can’t wait anymore. Someone knocks on the door and it’s a messenger. He hands Show the EC contract when the messenger has something to tell him. Show tells him to be quiet and signs the contract. Big Show opens the door where Del Rio is waiting. They fight in the hallway with Show beating the champion down but Del Rio comes back with a fire extinguisher. He blasts Show in the head with it and knocks Show out cold before explaining to some people in an elevator that it was bad Mexican food.

Here’s Brad Maddox who says that he’s innocent and was wronged by Heyman last week. He gave Vince the footage last week so he’s the hero of the story. Maddox calls out Shield who actually talk on their way down. They say Maddox (who apparently took money from Heyman too) doesn’t understand justice, because justice is them giving Maddox the beating he deserves. Maddox actually tries to fight and is immediately beaten down.

This goes on for awhile and here’s Cena. Through the crowd that is and here’s Ryback through the same crowd. Sheamus joins in too and the Shield runs….right into the rest of the roster they’ve beaten up before. Shield is trapped in the ring and the brawl is on, only to be chased off to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pretty solid show tonight. The two midcard champions losing are a big problem but at least we got some major developments tonight on top of a great match. This show also is proof that you don’t need Rock around every week to carry the show, which is a really good sign. I’m fired up for Elimination Chamber which should be awesome.

Results

Ryback b. Antonio Cesaro – Shell Shock

Jack Swagger b. Santino Marella – Patriot Act

Alberto Del Rio b. Cody Rhodes – Cross Armbreaker

Daniel Bryan b. Rey Mysterio – NO Lock

Sheamus b. Kane – Brogue Kick

Randy Orton b. Wade Barrett – RKO

CM Punk b. Chris Jericho – GTS

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Kbreviews

Gee, it’s almost like Rock is a huge deal and Punk isn’t.

– Last night’s episode of WWE Raw scored a 3.68 rating with 5.02 million viewers. Those numbers are up 21% and 16%, respectively, from the 3.04 and 4.3 million viewers the week before. It is the first time that Raw has topped five million viewers since the 1,000th Raw and before that, the night after WrestleMania 28. The show did hours of 4.86 million, 5.27 million and 4.93 million.

The show ranked #1 among cable TV shows for the night, both in overall viewers and in the key male demographics. The key demos were up huge, both of them up 0.6 from last week.

Highest rating in six months, up 20% from Punk’s last show as champion.  But hey, I’m sure Punk should be considered the real talent in there right?  Or at least on the same level as Rock right?

This occurred to me earlier today when I was talking about Ziggler in the Rumble.  think about the Smackdown title picture right now.  It’s STACKED.We’ve got the suddenly awesome Del Rio as champion and the following people to challenge him:

Big Show

Ziggler

Orton

Sheamus

Also you could throw in Ryback, Punk and Jericho as potential challengers.  That is a DEEP main event scene.  On Raw we have Rock, Cena and Punk and that’s it.  I’m way more fired up about the WHC right now than the WWE Title.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 28, 2013
Location: Thomas and Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

The Rumble is over now and the big stories are Rock winning the title and Cena winning the Rumble, likely setting up a title rematch that I don’t think many people are interested in seeing. Tonight is also Raw Roulette which is a gimmick that this show flat out doesn’t need. We should be getting ready for Wrestlemania but instead we get a night of gimmick matches and lame jokes instead. Let’s get to it.

We open with Vickie who has three roulette wheels behind her. One has superstars, one has stipulations and one has a bunch of HILARIOUS gimmicks on it. First up is Cesaro vs. Orton which gets a special referee.

Here are Punk and Heyman to the ring and they are TICKED. Punk says this is day 435 and he goes on a RANT about how he’s still champion and that he didn’t lose. Ropes are kicked and tiny pieces of hair follicles are probably pulled out. Punk says Rock couldn’t beat him without anyone’s help and that makes the fans cheaters. Vince and Rock are swindlers and Punk is going to crash Rock’s party tonight.

This brings out Vince who has this big goofy grin on his face. Punk calls him every insulting name he can think of but Vince says that he has proof that Heyman was behind the Shield attacks. Heyman: “Sir if I may…” Vince: “YOU MAY NOT!” Vince says he’ll be evaluating Heyman later tonight which might result in his firing. This was a pretty fast ending.

Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro

The guest referee is the Miz, which I said before his music hit. This was obvious because Cesaro pinned Miz clean last night, meaning the feud must continue. Anyway this is joined in progress after a break with Orton getting two off something we didn’t see. Cesaro pounds away in the corner but gets clotheslined down again. A suplex gets two for Orton and we head to the floor where Cesaro’s back is sent into the barricade.

Back in and Orton slingshots Antonio’s throat into the ropes for two. Miz has done nothing of note so far. They trade European uppercuts with Cesaro taking over. Orton comes right back with a BIG backdrop to send Cesaro to the floor as we take another break. Back with Cesaro guillotining Orton on the top rope and heading to the floor for a bit. Back in and there’s a cravate for a bit before Randy charges into a falcon’s arrow for two.

Off to a chinlock but Orton fights out of it with his usual stuff including the powerslam. Cesaro comes back with a jumping back elbow off the middle rope (looked great) for two. He argues with Miz, allowing Orton to hit the backbreaker. Cesaro pokes Orton in the eye and gets in an argument with Miz, allowing Orton to hit the RKO for the pin at 12:45 shown.

Rating: C+. This was decent stuff but we were just waiting on Miz to do something. Like I said though there is no reason for Miz to be involved in this feud anymore. The guy lost clean in the title match last night so why should they still be interacting? The face turn continues to falter and Orton’s heel turn continues to not seem to be anytime soon.

Miz hits Cesaro with the Finale and looks at the Mania sign.

The next spin is by Ryback and he gets to make Vickie laugh. He starts by snorting at her and walking away.

Here’s Ryback to the ring and after a break we see Andre Agassi and Stefi Graf in the audience. The Prime Time Players, Ryback and Matt Striker are in the ring. Apparently this is a joke off. The Players make a joke about Striker’s luck with women that isn’t funny and didn’t make a lot of sense. Ryback asks what has four eyes, twenty fingers, and is about to be unconscious. The beating begins and Young runs away. Striker declares Ryback the winner and gets Shell Shocked too.

Backlund HOF video again.

Wade Barrett gets to pick his opponent tonight.

Wade Barrett vs. Bo Dallas

Dallas eliminated Barrett from the Rumble last and is the rookie from NXT. They fight in the corner a bit but Barrett hits his kick to the ribs to take over. Barrett loads up the Bull Hammer but charges into a belly to belly suplex for the shocking pin at 2:12. There’s Barrett’s first real feud as champion.

Cody Rhodes spins John Cena which is up next.

We hear about Cena being on Fruity Pebbles boxes, replacing Fred Flintstone. As stupid as it sounds, that’s a pretty big deal.

Cody Rhoes vs. John Cena

Cena starts fast with a dropkick and a fisherman’s suplex to send Rhodes to the floor. Cody says this is a waste of his talents and walks away, only for Cena to throw him right back in. The usual finishes for Cena at 1:56.

Cena talks about how some people don’t seem thrilled that he won. There were 30 people in the match last night but he’s the guy that won. Throwing Ryback out to win is the first step towards Wrestlemania, where he can face a champion of his choosing. Cena says this is a difficult step, but first let’s pause to tell Cena he sucks. Apparently it’s going to be either Rock or Punk for some reason. I didn’t hear talk of a rematch. Cena says that he can face Punk again but he’s come up short in six tries to win the title. But I thought Cena never lost anything.

On the other hand is the Rock. Cena talks about talking down about Rock even before Rock returned so that when Rock showed up again, there would be only one possible candidate. Then Cena spent a year feuding with Rock and there were times Cena showed him up completely. Everything was perfect until April 1 when he lost everything he had spent a year doing.

Cena says Rock won and there’s the chant for the champion. He asks which one he should challenge: the guy he has even money to beat or one of the two guys he seemingly never could beat. Cena makes his decision right now: the WWE Champion, whoever that is at Mania. That smells like a three way to me.

Before Cena can leave, cue the Shield to surround the ring. The beating is on, which basically kills the Cena leads the Shield rumors. Sheamus tries to make the save but here’s Ryback for the real save. Six man tag at Elimination Chamber maybe? Either way a big brawl breaks out with Sheamus being posted. Cena tries to fight them off again but gets beaten down. The TripleBomb leaves Cena laying.

Brodus and Tensai are going to have a lingerie pillow fight but Tensai says no way. They spin the other wheel and it’s a dance off but Tensai didn’t see it. COMEDY is coming people!

We see everything WWE did in Phoenix this week.

Time for the dance off but Tensai first takes off a robe to reveal women’s lingerie. Brodus has a heart attack. It’s time for the dance off with Brodus going first. Tensai doesn’t want to dance but Lawler says what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Tensai does some very awkward stuff including Gangam Style and some other outdated stuff. The guy that got to beat Punk and Cena last year everybody. Ron Simmons pops up for his one word. JBL: “I know that guy.”

Del Rio gets a body slam challenge with Big Show.

It’s time for the body slam challenge but Big Show knocks Del Rio out. He tapes the champion up to the rope and destroys Ricardo while Alberto has to watch. This goes on for awhile and is rather awesome with Del Rio being tortured mentally while Ricardo got the physical part. Also the revenge will be SWEET.

Kaitlyn vs. Tamina

This is a showgirl lumberjill match. The girls are in showgirl outfits which look good but the lumberjill stuff is played already. This is non-title too. Tamina takes over to start and takes Katilyn down with a chinlock. Kaitlyn is thrown to the floor and beats up I think Aksana in the process. Tamina gets hit by a headdress and Kaitlyn goes after her with some decent aggression. That goes out the window as she puts the hat on Kaitlyn but the girls all come in for the no contest at 2:58. Nothing to see here.

Here’s Rock to address the people. He says that the word to sum up the title win is FINALLY, because it’s been a long journey. Rock has won seven WWE Championships before but this one means more than any. He thanks the people and says the days of CM Punk saying the people mean nothing are over. Rock gets in his usual jabs at Punk and Heyman but here’s the ex-champion.

Punk says that he earned the title unlike rock who had it handed to him. If Rock has any respect at all, he would hand the championship back to Punk right now. Rock says come get it and says Punk can either come get it or stand up there like a coward. Punk comes to the ring but says he’s staying on the stage. He wants a rematch and lists off some places he’ll be this weekend but finally says let’s do it at Elimination Chamber. Also, this is ROCK’s rematch, not Punk’s. Rock says let’s do it.

Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow

This is a tables match because RANDOM! Sheamus seems to be favoring his left arm. Sandow runs to the floor to start and Sheamus is fine with beating him up out there. A table is set up in front of the ramp but Sandow runs away from it. We head to the other side of the ring where Damien finally dropkicks him down to take over. Another table is set up but instead Sheamus just throws it at him. Back in and Sandow takes out the injured (by the Shield) shoulder with a DDT. Apparently it’s Sheamus’ birthday today. Ok then.

Damien brings in another table and kind of Pillmanizes the arm with the table legs. Sheamus comes back with ease but misses a Brogue Kick that would have sent Sandow through a table. Damien charges but gets caught by the slingshot shoulder. Sandow hits him in the arm again and drops the Wind-Up Elbow. Sheamus is thrown ribs first into the side of a table in a painful looking move. Sandow goes up top, only to get shoved down to the apron for the ten forearms. A suplex back in doesn’t work but White Noise through the table in the corner is enough for the win at 7:21.

Rating: C. Pretty decent match here but the tables were more clutter than anything else. That’s the problem with Raw Roulette in general: these gimmicks don’t add anything at all to the matches. If you want Sheamus to beat Sandow with White Noise, you can do that just fine without tables. The match was pretty entertaining but it doesn’t accomplish much of anything.

It’s time for WWE Karaoke with Ryder and Khali and company as the contestants. Khali gets to sing Shawn’s theme song but after nearly crushing Shawn’s entire career, 3MB interrupts. Drew: “Whoa whoa whoooooooooooooa sweet child of mine.” I love Drew McIntyre now. He gets chopped in the head for his efforts and it’s a Rough Ryder for Mahal. The big chop and Tadpole Splash (Horny is part of “and company”) take out Slater.

Here’s Jericho’s latest return to Raw. He welcomes us to Raw is Jericho and thanks all of the Jericholics for watching at home, which is something he’ll neeeeeeeeeeeeeever forget a-gain. This brings out Team Ziggler with the namesake pointing out that Jericho is gone thanks to losing to Dolph six months ago. AJ says that was her idea but Jericho says put a leash on her already.

Langston says Jericho should leave before Big E. ruins the return. Jericho: “What does the E stand for? Your bra size?” Vickie pops up on screen and says she signed Jericho back to Raw and he gets to face Dolph tonight in a Strange Bedfellows match. In other words, they get to team up to fight HELL NO.

HELL NO vs. Dolph Ziggler/Chris Jericho

Ziglger and Kane start things off with the unlikely partners bickering as we take a break about 25 seconds into the match. Back with Jericho being tagged in reluctantly, only to take both Kane and the legal Bryan down. The Walls to Bryan can’t work and HELL NO collides. Jericho lets them fight and they start shoving each other. Ziggler tags himself in but Jericho slaps Kane in the back, leaving Ziggler alone in the ring. Chokeslam ends Ziggler at 5:40, over half of which was in commercial.

Here’s Vince to give Heyman his job evaluation. Before Paul comes out, Vince says Punk has been escorted from the building. They shake hands so Vince uses some liquid soap. He asks Heyman if Paul is behind the Shield or Maddox but Paul denies it. Vince asks Heyman if he’s ever lied. Heyman says something Vince’s dad says before saying of course he’s lied every day because promoters have to do that to survive. However, right now he isn’t lying of course.

Vince asks the fans if Heyman has an honest face or if he’s an honest man. The fans chant no so let’s go to the tape that Vince has. It’s of Heyman and Maddox in the dark somewhere with Heyman saying turn the camera off. The audio keeps going though and the cameraman turns it back on. Heyman talks about paying Maddox off to screw Ryback in the Cell and paying the Shield in general. He says he and Punk have been doing it together and the Shield comes up to surround Maddox. Maddox begs and is beaten down anyway as the camera goes out.

Back in the arena and Heyman is panicking. Fans: “YOU GOT BUSTED!” Heyman says that wasn’t him in the video and that Vince knows what it’s like to be falsely accused. Paul says he has a thick New York Jewish accent and it’s easy to impersonate. Heyman goes on a big rant about being falsely accused because of his success and saying that wasn’t him again. Vince says he’s going to have to future endeavor Heyman but LESNAR!

Brock is back (in bright yellow shoes) and circles the ring before getting inside to face Vince. He gets in Vince’s face and they touch noses. Vince says Lesnar shouldn’t do something he’ll regret later. Lesnar keeps telling Heyman to go back to the corner. He nods at Heyman and it’s an F5 for Vince as Heyman screams NO.

Overall Rating: D+. I forgot how annoying Raw Roulette can be. There’s nothing to most of these shows and that was the case here. The gimmicks get in the way of the matches which defeats the purpose. This is very reminiscent of Open Fight Night where the matches are the same ones we could see on any given Raw. Nothing much to see here and the show was a letdown coming off last night’s Raw.  The ending helps a bit but not enough.

Results

Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesaro – RKO

Bo Dallas b. Wade Barrett – Belly to belly suplex

John Cena b. Cody Rhodes – Attitude Adjustment

Kaitlyn vs. Tamina went to a no contest

Sheamus b. Damien Sandow – White Noise through a table

HELL NO b. Chris Jericho/Dolph Ziggler

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

The Rumble was last night and there’s a LOT to talk about so expect a lot of posts from me today about various topics from the show.

One of the major things that happened last night was CM Punk’s 434 day world title reign came to an end.  The common response to this (mine included) is that the ending to Rock vs. Punk could have been better.  Let’s take a quick look at why and some other things about the title reign.First of all the problem I had with the ending wasn’t about the People’s Elbow but rather the spinebuster that set it up.  Rock had been talking about hitting the Rock Bottom and dedicated an entire promo to the idea.  The Elbow itself is fine for Rock to finish with as he beat Hogan with it plus multiple other legends.  It’s a finishing move for Rock so it’s not a huge deal at all.

As for Punk losing, you knew it was going to happen at some point.  It had to.  I mean, the guy had been champion since the November before last.  It doesn’t make Punk’s title reign a joke, it doesn’t make Punk look weak and it doesn’t do anything bad to him.  Everyone loses their title at some point, from Bruno getting pinned by Ivan Koloff to Hogan getting cheated by the Hebners.  Punk had to lose at some point and he was pinned at a Big Four show by the third biggest star in the history of wrestling.  That’s hardly getting surprised by a rollup by Primo.

Finally, where does Punk’s title reign rank all time?  The main problem for Punk’s reign is that almost everyone knew that he was losing the title to Rock at the Rumble for well over six months now.  That made nearly half of his reign feel like a formality than a championship reign that could go on forever.  That being said, it was still amazing to see in this day and age, especially given the people he was retaining against.  It doesn’t come off as one of the greatest reigns ever due to feeling like a transitional reign, but it’s going to be the longest we see for a VERY long time.  That’s something Punk can certainly be proud of.  How he didn’t win Wrestler of the Year from everyone is beyond me.

Royal Rumble 2013
Date: January 27, 2013
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

As the tag line for the show says, FINALLY we’re here. The main events tonight are Punk defending against The Rock and of course the Rumble itself. The shows have been rather awesome lately so hopefully they can keep things going tonight. Hopefully things don’t change that much between tonight and Wrestlemania but odds are they will. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro is defending and this is mainly happening because of Ric Flair, as Flair was on Miz’s talk show and Cesaro interrupted. Flair “gave” Miz the Figure Four and apparently that’s Miz’s big weapon here tonight. A fast rollup gets one for Miz but Cesaro grabs a headlock to slow things down. Miz comes back with a back elbow for two and hooks a headlock on his own on the mat.

Miz hits the rope and charges into a kind of tilt-a-whirl powerslam to shift momentum again. Off to a bow and arrow hold by the champion which doesn’t last long. A sitout slam gets two for Cesaro and a European uppercut keeps Miz down. There’s the gutwrench suplex for two and Cesaro pounds away in the corner. Miz charges into a kind of Irish Curse for two and a jumping double stomp keeps him in trouble.

Cesaro hooks a double arm lock which is quickly broken, allowing Miz to hit the Reality Check for no cover. Miz pounds away in the corner and hits the running clothesline but the ax handle misses. He may have injured his knee on the landing. They trade rollups for two each and Miz goes after the knee. The Figure Four is easily blocked so Miz kicks him to the floor instead. Cesaro lures Miz in and sends him into a piece of metal under the ring, setting up the Neutralizer to retain at 7:40.

Rating: C-. This was your basic Raw match which is to say nothing special. Miz is floundering right now and this stupid Figure Four stuff is making it even worse. He needs a big moment to really hammer in the change but more than that he’s still the same guy he’s been for years. I actually like his in ring stuff, but he needs to stick with the Finale and be a bit nicer about things. It would help a lot.

On with the show!

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

Last man standing with Del Rio defending. After Big Show’s entrance, we cut to the back where Alberto and Ricardo are getting ready. Bret Hart of all people pops up and says that he’s proud of Alberto. Hart sees Del Rio as a Mexican Bret Hart while Del Rio sees Hart as a Canadian Del Rio. Ricardo says he’s a big fan so Bret gives him some sunglasses. I have no idea what the point of this cameo was but it wasn’t bad.

Show chops him into the corner to start and gets seven off a series of shows to the chest. He loads up that reverse powerbomb of his but gets caught in a hurricanrana to put him down. A top rope seated senton takes Big Show down again but the armbreaker is easily countered into something resembling a one armed Angle Slam.

Show heads to the floor to grab a chair but Alberto dropkicks the knee out and cracks the chair over Show’s back a few times. Then he pounds it into the ribs even more but another huge show is deflected and Show hits a chokeslam for an eight. Del Rio rolls to the floor where Show slams him down onto the floor. Alberto kicks him low and superkicks him to get a nine count.

The Big Bald kind of swats Alberto into the floor before throwing him into a piece of the set. Show misses a superkick into said piece of the set so he whacks Del Rio in the back with a light bulb that doesn’t break. Instead Big Show loads up a table in front of that piece of the set. Show climbs onto the set and pulls Del Rio up onto it with him with one arm. A hip toss/chokeslam through the table (it wasn’t a huge fall) gets nine and Show is ticked off. They head back to the ring but Del Rio heads to the floor to hide from the KO punch. Show follows him out and loads up the steps but can’t hit the champion.

Ricardo tries to jump Big Show but gets thrown into the barricade for his efforts. Show misses a spear and crashes through the barricade for a close nine count. Alberto hits a bunch of chair shots to the back and hits a kind of Conchairto on the shoulder using the steps. Then he sprays Show with a fire extinguisher as Show staggers back inside. Is that really going to keep him down? Back in and the cross armbreaker goes on as Ricardo uses duct tape to tie Show’s legs to the ropes ala Cena vs. Batista. Alberto lets go of the hold and wins the match at 17:00.

Rating: B. Good match here but not as fun or special as their first match. I don’t think most people thought Show was getting the title back here so they had a big mountain to get over. Still though, they did a good job of beating each other up here to set up a kind of goofy ending. I’m not wild on Del Rio having to use something clever to beat Show when he had already beaten him using force before. Still though, solid stuff here.

Striker is with Ziggler, AJ and Langston in the back. Ziggler is going to enter at #1 because he can. Matt says that’s hard to do (remember that Ziggler had to pick #1 or #2, and there’s such a HUGE difference between 1 and 2) so AJ gets in his face. Langston then cracks me up by going into an impersonation of a stereotypical nerdy news reporter asking Ziggler on his thoughts on his chances. Ziggler says he’ll win both titles at Mania. That was awesome by Langston. The others, not so much.

We get a medley of promos from people in the Rumble ala the old days.

Cesaro says he’ll win because he’s foreign.

Young and Titus do their thing.

Orton says he’s winning because he’s awesome.

Cena says what you would expect him to say.

Barrett says he’ll be the first Intercontinental Champion to win the Rumble.

Sheamus says he can win his second in a row because of the Brogue Kick.

Ryback says he isn’t a predator and he doesn’t eat Fruity Pebbles. Just feed him more. He might not be so hungry if he ate Fruity Pebbles.

Tag Titles: Rhodes Scholars vs. HELL NO

The Scholars are getting what is probably their 95^th title shot in a few weeks. Bryan and Rhodes start things off with Cody having a leap frog countered into a surfboard. Off to Kane as JBL goes into a mini rant on Dr. Shelby. Kane fights out of the heel corner and slams the now legal Sandow. Bryan comes back in to fire off the kicks as JBL goes off about the hugging on Raw.

Kane kicks Sandow through the ropes and Cody is thrown on top of him. Bryan hits a suicide dive (JBL: “THE FLYING GOAT VEGAN!”) to take out both challengers and the fans seem fired up. Back in and Cody gets in a few shots to take over with a half Boston crab as the announcers talk about 1980s TV. Sandow comes in for the Wind-Up Elbow and some stomping for two. Cody comes back in and gets kicked in the face to take him down. Sandow blocks the hot tag though and brings Cody right back in.

Rhodes hooks an over the shoulder backbreaker for a bit but once the hold is released, Bryan hits a running DDT to take Cody down. Kane finally gets the tag (no reaction) and house is cleaned with Sandow taking a side slam for two. Kane loads up the top rope clothesline (JBL: “That’s a flying taker.”) but Sandow breaks it up. A kind of running swinging neckbreaker gets two for Damien but Cody comes in for a double suplex. Bryan makes a blind tag at the same time though and it’s a chokeslam for Cody and the NO Lock for Sandow for the tap out at 9:30.

Rating: C. Average tag match here, but the booking was pretty dull. To clarify, the Scholars lost every match leading up to the title match, then lost the title match? Well you can’t say one thing doesn’t lead to another I guess. Then again, I would have avoided having the Scholars lose EVERY SINGLE TIME they fought the champions but why would you want to add drama?

Rumble by the Numbers.

Vickie gives HELL NO their numbers for the Rumble. Kane sees Bryan’s and says interesting. Bryan wants to see Kane’s and jokes ensue. Ron Simmons unfortunately doesn’t show up.

We recap Fan Fest which had the NXT tournament.

Royal Rumble

This is earlier than I was expecting. 90 second intervals and Ziggler is #1. He says he’s going to be here at the beginning and at the end. Ziggler doesn’t care who #2 is so he doesn’t mind when……CHRIS JERICHO is #2??? Jericho has a big tattoo on his left arm now and if you remember correctly, Ziggler got Jericho fired last year. Ziggy throws him to the apron but Jericho comes back with a top rope forearm to the head. Jericho clotheslines him to the apron but Ziggler gets right back in. Cody Rhodes is #3 and the double teaming begins.

Ziggler gets knocked down and Cody is put in the Walls, only to be quickly broken up (or down?) by Dolph. Kofi is #4 and Dolph has to duck Trouble in Paradise. Cody and Jericho both try to dump Kofi to no avail and we enter into the lame brawling section. Santino is #5 and throws Cody and Jericho to the apron but no further. The Cobra takes Kofi down but Ziggler superkicks Santino out. The heels double team Kofi but can’t put him out.

Drew McIntyre is #6 and more heel alliances form. Jericho BARELY survives being thrown out by dangling until Titus O’Neal is #7. He picks up Kofi and does the Millions of Dollars dance before hitting him with a backbreaker. McIntyre is sent to the apron and kicked out by Jericho. Ziggler is sent upside down on the ropes but hangs on at the last second. The fans chant for Jericho as Goldust returns at #8.

Goldie goes right for Cody to a big pop and there’s the kneeling uppercut. Cody hangs on to avoid elimination as the fans cheer for Goldust. Otunga is #9 as the ring is getting too full. JBL goes into a weird series of insults to Lawler about how Cole kept beating him which goes nowhere. Heath Slater is #10 as we need someone to come in here and clean some people out. Jericho puts Ziggler onto the apron again but can’t get him out.

Sheamus is #11 and after a bunch of forearms he dumps Titus and Otunga. Slater tries to jump Sheamus resulting in a big heel beatdown. Tensai is #12, giving us Ziggler, Jericho, Rhodes, Slater, Goldust, Kofi, Sheamus and Tensai. Cole talks about Jake Roberts being the first person to eliminate someone in 1998 (you read that right) as people keep fighting by the ropes. Brodus Clay is #13 complete with the Funkadactyls who are rocking some shorts.

There are way too many guys in there at the moment as Goldust sends Rhodes to the apron. Cody pulls his brother to the apron and slides back in where he whips Goldust into the post to eliminate him. Cool sequence there. Rey Mysterio returns (kind of) at #14 in a weird looking low cut singlet. He hits a few 619s and the top rope splash on Jericho but has to fight off Rhodes.

Darren Young is #15 and joins a group of guys to eliminate Brodys. Kofi low bridges Tensai for an elimination. Ziggler knocks Kofi off the apron where he lands on Tensai’s back and is dropped onto the announce table. Kofi teases jumping off the announce table to the ring as the camera stops focusing on the match at all. He asks for JBL’s chair as Bo Dallas is #16. Kofi hops with the chair to get back to the apron and gets back in. Ok, last year it was a cool idea but this took like a minute to work which makes it WAY too much.

Kofi dumps Darren (who looked to injure his knee on the landing) but gets Disaster Kicked out by Cody. Godfather returns at #17 and is dropkicked out in two seconds by Ziggler. Gee I’m so glad they wasted this spot on him. We’ve got Ziggler, Jericho, Rhodes, Sheamus, Dallas, Mysterio, Slater and now Barrett at #18. Barrett and Jericho try to put Sheamus out but Mysterio breaks it up for no apparent reason.

Cody and Barrett are the only ones on their feet as Cena is #19. All of the heels stare him down and it’s a dog pile as he gets into the ring. There goes Slater (immediately checked on by referees) and Rhodes as well but Jericho blocks an AA attempt. Dallas goes after Cena so points to him for trying. Sandow is #20 and Rey tries to rana Barrett to the floor, only to get kicked to the floor. Sheamus goes after Barrett because that’s the law anymore.

Jericho busts out the Walls on Cena but can’t quite hook them. Now he gets them on as Daniel Bryan is #21. There are the kicks for Ziggler and some for Barrett as well. Daniel is the only one on his feet at the moment but he and Sheamus can’t put Jericho out. We get dueling Cena chants as Cesaro is #22. Nothing of note happens so Khali is #23. This is his 7^th Rumble which is really surprising. WAY too many people in there again.

Ziggler hits a kind of stunner on Cena as Cesaro tries to put Sheamus out. Kane is #24 and sends Ziggler to the apron for about the 17^th time. More people lay around until Zack Ryder is #25. There’s a Rough Ryder for Dolph and Kane dumps Khali. Bryan dumps Kane but Cesaro knocks Bryan right into Kane’s arms. Kane isn’t sure what to do but eventually he drops Bryan to the floor, more or less turning him heel for one night only.

Orton is #26 and fires off a bunch of clotheslines and a powerslam for Ziggler. Bo Dallas manages to stay in, only to be caught in a double Elevated DDT at the same time as Ziggler. Ryder eats and RKO and is gone. Jinder Mahal gets lucky #27 as we now have ten guys in there at once. Cena dumps Cesaro and slingshots Ziggler to the apron but can’t put him out. The Miz is #28 and gets in a fight with Cesaro in the aisle. Apparently Miz has a bad ankle from the pre show match and is limping a bit.

Sheamus knocks Mahal out and Miz hits the Reality Check on Cena. Sin Cara gets #29 and totally misses a kick to Ziggler’s head as he comes in. Sheamus puts Cena on the apron as Bo Dallas pulls Wade Barrett out in a big surprise. Miz and Jericho fight on the apron as Barrett pulls Dallas out of the match. There’s Dallas’ first feud I guess. The Bull Hammer lays Dallas out as well. Ryback gets #30, giving us WAY too many people for me to list at the moment.

Ryback dumps Sandow and Sin Cara and glares at Miz for trying to toss him. There goes Miz and we’re down to six: Jericho, Ziggler, Cena, Sheamus, Orton and Ryback. Jericho fires things up and dropkicks Sheamus to the apron but poses too much and gets superkicked out by Dolph. Orton and Sheamus go at it which is probably a title match at Mania. Ryback goes shoulder first into the post and walks into an RKO as does Cena. RKO to Sheamus and an Elevated DDT to Ryback but there’s no one on their feet to eliminate.

Ryback counters an RKO and clotheslines Orton out. The Brogue Kick knocks out Ziggler at roughly 50 minutes and we’re down to three. It’s Cena, Sheamus and Ryback left and Ryback gets double teamed. Now the two superheroes look at the sign and slug it out. Cena fires off his finishing sequence by Ryback breaks up the Shuffle with a Meathook. Sheamus escapes Shell Shock and hits White Noise on Ryback. The pale one loads up the Brogue Kick but gets dumped out by Ryback.

So we’re down to Cena vs. Ryback and after a catchphrase battle, Cena walks into a spinebuster. There’s the STF to Ryback and the bald one passes out. Cena tries to pick him up but Ryback is dead weight. Cena is fine with that though and sits Ryback on the top, only to get caught in a kind of Thesz Press off the top. Ryback puts him in a kind of powerslam position but Cena escapes and throws him out to win at 54:50.

Rating: C+. I’ve seen worse but this wasn’t the best Rumble or even close to it. The first part was pretty dull stuff after Jericho returned and after that it didn’t pick up for a good while. Cena winning was kind of predictable but that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice. I’m really not wild on him facing either Rock or Punk, but maybe he’ll go after the World Heavyweight Championship. Well not likely as that title doesn’t exist at Mania time but it was worth a try.

We recap Rock vs. Punk which means the Divas Title match got scrapped. That’s likely a good idea. Anyway you should know this by now: Punk doesn’t like Rock because he thinks Rock has too much handed to him while Rock got this shot because he won a match nine months ago. The main idea here is that Shield might interfere against Punk’s wishes but if they do, Rock gets the title.

Rock goes on a rant about not getting drafted into the NFL which turns into a longer rant about adversity and his mom having cancer. Oh she’s here tonight. That’s a relief. Anyway, Rock talks about Punk saying the fans don’t count but insists they do. He reaches out his hand ala Dusty Rhodes in Hard Times (look it up) and says tonight he and the fans are one. Good ending to an oddly started promo.

Raw World Title: The Rock vs. CM Punk

Shield attacked Rock on Monday so he has some bad ribs. Rock wins a fast slugout but can’t hit the Rock Bottom. Punk gets knocked to the floor but gets in a shot to Rocky to slow him up. The champ (Punk) loads up the Spanish announce table….and then puts it right back where he found it. Well at least Mama Punk taught him well. Rock sends Punk into the barricade so Heyman hits him in the back. Heyman: “MOMMY!” CM comes back and messes with the table again before we head back inside.

Punk hooks a bodyscissors to slow things down and knees Rock in the stomach for two. Off to something like the cousin of the Anaconda Vice before Rock comes back with some right hands. Punk will have none of that as he leg lariats Rock right back down. Rock gets draped over the top rope as we get a dueling catchphrase chant (Knees 2 Faces and Rock’s version of the same line).

Punk fires off a kick to send Rock to the floor but he might have hurt his knee in the process. He goes up top and hits a forearm to the head but hurts his knee again in the process. The suicide dive keeps Rock down as they seem to be in second gear or so here. Back in and Punk misses the springboard clothesline so Rock goes after the bad knee for the first time. Both finishers are blocked as is the Sharpshooter but Punk counters into the Vice.

In a smart move, Rock rolls over into a cover so Punk has to leg go to escape. A DDT puts Punk down for no cover but Punk rolls through the Rock Bottom. Now the Sharpshooter is hooked but Punk finally makes a rope. Rock loads up the announce table but doesn’t set it back like Punk did. If nothing else, Punk wins the manners battle. Punk gets placed on the table but escapes with a kick to the face. A GTS is countered into the Rock Bottom but the table collapses underneath them. Rock is holding his knee but pulls off a Rock Bottom on the floor, presumably to buy some time.

That gets two back inside and Rock’s knee seems ok. That’s a good sign. Rock picks Punk up but gets caught by the high kick to put both guys down. A slugout goes to the Great One and there’s the flying clothesline to set up the spinebuster. Rock loads up the People’s Elbow….and there go the lights.

We can hear something happening at the announce table and flashes of light show the Shield. Rock is put through the announce table but the referee didn’t see it so the match doesn’t end. DOES VINCE NOT WATCH THESE SHOWS??? Punk is all like “oh dear what an unfortunate turn of events.” He insists he has nothing to do with the Shield and rolls Rock back in….for the pin at 21:30.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but they didn’t hit their stride until the middle of the match. The Shield stuff is pretty stupid if it stands as Vince isn’t stupid enough (kayfabe of course) to let it go. Rock looked like his usual self but this was nowhere near as good as Cena vs. Rock at Wrestlemania. It’s good, but it’s not great.

Thankfully Vince comes out and says not so fast my friend. He says that he saw the Shield so as Chairman he has to….be cut off by Rock. Rock says Vince doesn’t take the title from Punk because that’s what Rock is here for. He wants the match restarted and Vince says do it. Punk immediately stomps Rock down in the corner and hits the running knee. There’s the Macho Elbow for two more as the fans are getting into this. The GTS is escaped and there’s the People’s Elbow for the pin and the title at 26:47. There was only about two minutes of extra stuff so the old rating stays, but MAN that was a fast ending for Punk’s reign.

Overall Rating: A-. This was a pretty awesome show but the ending was kind of sketchy. Anyway, Rock vs. Cena II is set up, presumably with Punk getting his rematch next month. I’m not wild on the way Punk lost the title as it wasn’t even to the Rock Bottom. I mean, if he can spinebust Punk can’t he hit the Rock Bottom? Either way, good stuff here and I can’t say I’m complaining about Rock winning the title again. Very good but not excellent show here.

Results

Alberto Del Rio b. Big Show – Big Show couldn’t answer the ten count

HELL NO b. Rhodes Scholars – NO Lock

John Cena won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Ryback

The Rock b. CM Punk – People’s Elbow

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: November 14, 2006
Location: Manchester Evening News Arena, Manchester, England
Attendance: 15,266
Commentators: Joey Styles, Elijah Burke

We’re in England with about three weeks to go until December to Dismember. Tonight’s main story is who will be debuting as the new star from either Raw or Smackdown to fill in the final spot in the Chamber. We had a good show last week so hopefuly ECW can keep up the roll that they’re on. Well that is if you consider one week a roll. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Holly’s turn last week.

Tazz had knee surgery so Burke is filling in on commentary.

Here are Heyman and Big Show to the ring where there’s a table and chair set up. I’m guessing this is for the contract signing. Heyman says there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is that due to what happened last week, RVD isn’t here tonight. However, Big Show IS here, which you would think we would get given that he’s standing right there. On to Elimination Chamber, which is a controversial match for some reason. Heyman lists off the five guys in the match so far and asks if someone from Raw or Smackdown is coming in to fill in the last spot.

To the shock of no one, Hardcore Holly is shown walking through the back. Before he can get here though, Bobby Lashley from Smackdown destroys Holly and stares at the camera. Heyman and Show are panicked as Lashley (a very muscular and legit amateur wrestling champion) comes to the ring. Big Show goes to the aisle to stop him but Bobby spears him down and signs the contract.

Post break Big Show, Test and Holly ask why Heyman had the whole open contract. Heyman: “I wanted to make this look legit.” Big Show: “WHY? We run this whole place!” That’s a really good point actually. Heyman makes Lashley vs. Holly tonight and Big Show tries to tell Holly that it’s a good idea.

CM Punk vs. Mike Knox

This feud has to end soon. The fans seem to love Punk here as does Knox’s girlfriend Kelly Kelly. Knox pounds on him to start but Punk sends him to the floor. A baseball slide misses and Mike pounds Punk down, only to get kicked in the head. Knox falls down but lands on Kelly in the process. Mike doesn’t seem to mind though as he pounds CM down some more. Back inside now and Knox goes after the back with a suplex and a catapult.

Another shot to the back gets two as Kelly is back up. Punk tries a suplex but his back won’t hold up, allowing Knox to hook a Boston crab. We finally get a rope break so it’s off to a bow and arrow hold by Knox. Punk escapes a suplex and starts firing off his strikes but the running knee in the corner eats elbow. Well his jaw eats the elbow but you get the idea.

Punk knocks Knox to the floor and hits a suicide dive, drawing an ECW chant. The springboard clothesline gets a VERY clothesline two as does the knee/bulldog combination. Mike comes back again with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but Punk backflips out of a belly to back suplex. He fires off his rapid strikes and it’s Rock Bottom and Anaconda Vice for the tap out.

Rating: B. Where in the world did this come from? These two beat the tar out of each other and we got a very good match out of it. The back stuff was fine and it was good to see Knox stick with it throughout the entire match. Punk winning is the right move of course but if you can get a good match before the inevitable ending, that makes it all the better.

Here’s Matt Striker in the back who talks about various great phrases through history, the last of which is of course from the Revolutionary War. This leads to a video on the Elimination Chamber.

Punk welcomes Lashley to ECW but says he’s taking the ECW Title in the Chamber. More solid work from Punk here.

Here’s Daivari with something to say. He demands that he and Khali be welcomed to ECW. Oh ok he has a match.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Khali stares Dreamer down to start but Daivari chop blocks Tommy before the bell. Dreamer doesn’t seem to mind and stomps Daivari down in the corner. A dropkick takes Dreamer’s knee out and the leg work continues. Daivari gets kicked into the barricade and misses a top rope cross body as Dreamer fights on one leg. A low elevation flapjack puts Daivari down but Khali crotches Dreamer against the post for the fast DQ.

Dreamer takes the Punjabi Plunge post match.

Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly

The match starts during a break and Big Show, Test and Heyman are at ringside. A delayed one armed suplex takes Holly down and he heads to the floor. Holly sends Bobby face first into the steps and we head back inside. A bulldog takes Lashley down and we hit the chinlock. Holly goes up but jumps into a boot which at least knocks him down. Bobby starts his comeback and hits Abyss’ Shock Treatment for two. Lashley goes up and gets crotched followed by a superplex from Holly for two. Hardcore goes up but jumps into a belly to belly suplex. There’s the running powerslam but Big Show pulls the referee for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not much here and there was never any doubt that Lashley was going to win somehow. I don’t see why they didn’t just have Lashley get the pin here as Holly isn’t in the main event at the PPV so what’s there to protect? Either way, not a terrible debut in ECW for him but the lack of a pin is kind of lame.

Test, Big Show and Holly triple team Lashley until Van Dam, Sabu and Punk make the save. The show ends with Van Dam and Lashley standing tall. They stare at each other a lot as well.

Overall Rating: B. The opening match was really solid and we got a major plot development for the Chamber so how can this be anything but good? Once the Chamber is done we’ll really start to pick things up around here which is what will make the shows a lot more interesting. Good stuff here as ECW has one of their strongest shows yet.

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