Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re in New York City again and there are three main events tonight. We have the usual Rumble and Edge defending the Smackdown Title against Mysterio, but the interesting one here was Orton defending against Jeff Hardy. I don’t know how they did it, but the company did an OUTSTANDING job of making Hardy seem like he had a very real chance of taking the title tonight and shocking the world. I had no idea who was going to win and I LOVED that feeling. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses more on the show being in MSG than anything else.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Flair’s career is on the line but MVP’s US Title isn’t. Flair talks about having his first match here in 1976 but MVP’s music cuts him off. MVP takes him into the corner to start and he’s BALLIN already. Flair goes after the arm for a second before chopping away at the jumpsuit. MVP comes back with a running boot to the head for two before hooking a chinlock. The fans tell MVP that he sucks as he cranks on the chin.

Flair fights up and picks the leg, only to get small packaged for two. A backdrop puts Flair down and there’s a running boot to the face in the corner for three, but Flair has his foot on the rope. You know MSG isn’t buying that one. Flair tries to steal the pin but gets clotheslined down for his efforts instead. A superplex gets two for MVP and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Flair starts trying for some fast pins before slugging away. MVP punches him down and hits a facebuster, but the Playmaker is countered into a quick Figure Four to end this.

Rating: C. This was about what you would expect. At the end of the day, everyone knew Flair wasn’t going to lose this but it was a way to give him one last moment in MSG before retiring in April. I’m not wild on him beating the US Champion clean but the title hasn’t meant anything in years anyway so what difference does it make?

Vince talks to Horny about the Rumble. This is during the “Vince is Hornswoggle’s dad” phase. Vince tells him to not trust Finlay but he has to win. Finlay comes in and takes some offense to Vince telling them not to trust each other.

Mike Adamle is introduced as the newest broadcaster. Oh dear. For those of you that don’t remember him, imagine Cole but with something resembling charm.

We recap Jericho vs. JBL. JBL cost Jericho the title at Armageddon and tonight is the blowoff. JBL brought Jericho’s children into this too, saying Jericho would have to admit to them that he’s a coward. Jericho would use this same line against Shawn soon after this.

Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Feeling out process to start with JBL hiding in the corner and ropes a few times. Jericho forearms him down and pounds away but gets sent to the floor. That doesn’t last long as he slides right back in and hooks the Walls but JBL immediately grabs the rope. A baseball slide keeps Jibbles on the floor where he is sent into the steps. Back in and Jericho charges into a hot shot to put both guys down.

A clothesline (not the one from down under) puts Jericho down as apparently he has a bad throat and neck coming into this. Bradshaw slingshots Jericho throat first into the middle rope and hooks a quick sleeper. Jericho fights out of it and hits a clothesline of his own, only to charge into a big boot. John sends him shoulder first into the post which busts his head open somehow. Back in and JBL pounds away at the cut as a villain would do. Jericho comes back but they botch a clothesline, causing both guys to get booed loudly. A Cactus Clothesline sends them to the floor where Jericho cracks JBL with a chair for the LAME DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work at all for the most part. Jericho didn’t work at all as a face with the short hair during this comeback and I think everyone knew it. Thankfully he would turn heel over the summer and have the feud of the year with Shawn. The ending to this sucked and I don’t think they had any other matches after this.

Jericho destroys JBL post match and chokes him with a cord, which is what JBL did to him. That gets Jericho cheered at least.

Santino tells Ashley that Maria won’t do Playboy. Thank goodness he was wrong.

We recap Edge vs. Mysterio. Edge is with Vickie now who just happens to be the corrupt GM. Mysterio won a Beat the Clock challenge by beating Edge himself to earn the shot. Edge is annoyed that Rey is claiming that Edge is just using Vickie, which of course he is.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Edge is defending if that’s not clear. Vickie, Hawkins and Ryder are at ringside as well. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. The fans LOUDLY boo Rey and cheer for Edge as Rey kind of messes up a rana. Edge runs him over but Rey speeds things up, causing Edge to panic a bit. Rey gets sent to the floor where Hawkins and Ryder go after him, only to stop when they’re nearly caught. The referee ejects them anyway.

Back in and Rey almost hooks the 619, only to have the champion bail to the floor. Rey is perfectly cool with diving to the floor to take out Edge, drawing boos in a bizarre sequence. Back in and a seated senton gets two for Rey but Edge takes his knee out to take over. Edge pounds away and hooks a half crab for a little while. Rey comes back with kicks to the face to escape and you would think he was choking a kitten from the crowd’s reaction.

Rey loads up the 619 but charges into a powerslam for two. Off to a kind of ankle lock hold but bending the knee instead of the ankle. Edge tries to take the knee brace off of Rey but gets caught in the sitout bulldog to put both guys down. Mysterio uses his good leg to kick Edge in the face for two before hitting another kind of seated senton for two. Like an idiot, Rey goes up and hits a double stomp for two. Smart move on a bad knee Rey. Edge is sent to the floor where Rey slide through the ropes into a tornado DDT for two back inside.

Back in and Edge kicks Rey right in the face to put him down again. Why over complicate things? The spear misses so Rey hits the 619 and the top rope splash, but Vickie pops out of her wheelchair to break up the count. Edge misses another spear and puts himself in 619 position, but Vickie jumps onto the apron to take the hit, allowing Edge to hit the spear for the retaining pin.

Rating: C+. This was ok but you kind of expect more from Edge vs. Rey Mysterio. The ending was about Vickie, which would become a running theme over the next few months. Edge being all conniving and backstabbing the already evil Vickie was awesome stuff, but getting there was tedious at times. Still not a bad match at all though.

Mr. Kennedy is waiting for Flair when he gets out of the shower in a towel. Shawn comes in before anything happens and shakes hands with Flair. Shawn: “Imagine, a loud mouthed platinum blonde with a catchphrase. That gimmick will never work.” Batista comes in (pop), as does HHH (lesser pop). HHH: “I’ve said this a lot of times before Ric, but put your pants on.” It turns into a merchandise plug in a cute bit.

Maria comes out to do the Royal Rumble Kiss Cam. This eats up some time until Ashley comes out to ask Maria to be in Playboy again. Santino comes out to insult the fans (and the Giants), saying the people would cheer if you asked if they wanted hepatitis. He brings out Big Dick Johnson with a rubber chicken and wearing a half Patriots jersey. You can figure this one out for yourself.

WrestleMania ad featuring Mae Young as a lifeguard. Ok then.

Mike Adamle introduces us to the next match, featuring Randy Orton vs. Jeff Harvey.

We recap Hardy vs. Orton, which is based on three simple words: Hardy could win. Apparently this match drew HUGE numbers for the Rumble, which showed why they held out on Hardy winning the belt for nearly a year. Hardy hit a HUGE Swanton off the set on Raw, which made you wonder how far he would go to win here. The video is a mini-history of Orton’s career to this point, which isn’t really a good idea for a heel. This is followed by a music video about Jeff Hardy set to the song Rooftops by the Lost Prophets, which really fits him well. I remember being very excited for the match and this video was a big reason.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff is Intercontinental Champion. Feeling out process to start with Jeff taking over via a headlock on the mat. An atomic drop gets two but Orton hits him in the face and brags to the crowd about it. Orton gets sent to the floor and a baseball slide sends him into the barricade. Hardy follows with a plancha to the floor as JR SCREAMS to get Orton back in the ring. Randy tries to walk out with the belt but Hardy will have none of that. Orton is rammed into the announce table and back inside we go.

As Hardy tries a springboard, Orton dropkicks him right back to the floor in a big crash. There’s the Orton Stomp and some choking as Orton shows off his wide range of offense. This is before Orton was orange so the visuals aren’t all that bad. A pair of knee drops get two on Hardy as Orton asks the fans if they believe in Jeff still. Hardy sends Orton over the top to the floor, followed by a bad clothesline off the apron (it hit Orton’s arm and completely missed his neck and chest).

Back in again and Jeff misses a charge into the post, giving Orton both a two count and control again. Randy hooks a chinlock with a bodyscissors followed by a powerslam for two. Back to the chinlock (yep it’s an Orton match) to fill in some time. Jeff fights up again and takes Randy down with a clothesline but can’t follow up. Jeff starts striking with everything he’s got and hits the Whisper in the Wind to fire up the crowd even more.

That’s one thing I haven’t talked about enough here: the fans are WAY behind Hardy here. It isn’t the usual New York reaction to a face. They want Jeff to win the title NOW. Hardy hits the slingshot dropkick in the corner but before he can hit the Swanton, Randy bails to the floor. Jeff is cool with that and hits (kind of at least) a moonsault to the floor. Back in and Jeff loads up the Twist but Orton counters into the RKO out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. That’s a really bad finish for a few reasons. First of all, it’s WAY too sudden. If they were shooting at punching the audience in the stomach I guess they accomplished that, but it doesn’t do much else. Hardy winning was an option, but at the end of the day they made the right move here….I think. I was disappointed Hardy won, but thankfully WWE stretched it out for a LONG time before he got the title, which was the right move at the end of the day.

Hardy gets a well deserved standing ovation. His time would come.

We get the Rumble by the Numbers video, which is always a favorite of mine. Here are those numbers:

20 years of history

21 winners

569 superstars in the Rumble

36 eliminations (by Austin, since broken by Shawn)

11 Rumbles for Shawn (since broken by Kane)

11 eliminations for Kane in 2001

3 identities under which Foley entered the Rumble in 1997

2 feet that must touch the ground

1 woman in the Rumble (Chyna, since joined by Beth Phoenix and Kharma)

62:12 of time that Mysterio was in the Rumble

2 seconds that Warlord lasted in the Rumble (since broken by Santino)

3 wins for Austin, still a record

1 is the spot that has the same amount of wins as #30 (Shawn and Undertaker)

4 men that have won the Rumble from the 27 spot, the most ever

73 percent of the Rumble winners have won the title at Wrestlemania

I love that.

Royal Rumble

As introduced by Michael Buffer (only the Fink gets all caps in the Garden), #1 is Undertaker, #2 is Shawn Michaels,. Now how’s THAT for an opening pair? Isn’t it amazing how a RANDOM pairing finishes the match the previous year and opens it this year? 90 second intervals here which seems to be the right amount of time most of the years. Taker powers Shawn around to start and elbows him in the corner.

Shawn gets crotched on the ropes but Taker GOES AIRBORNE with a running boot that misses in the corner. Shawn charges into the grip of Taker as he gets back in but there’s no chokeslam. Taker kicks him in the face instead as Santino is #3. Twenty five seconds later Shawn superkicks him and Taker gets the elimination. Shawn tries to dump him but Taker hangs on and works on the arm.

Old School is countered and Shawn hits an atomic drop as Great Khali is #4. Taker jumps him as he comes in as Shawn is down from something we missed. The big chop puts Taker down as the fans tell Khali he can’t wrestle. They grab each other by the throat but Khali misses a chop and gets eliminated. Shawn never touched Khali but charges at Taker when it’s just the two of them.

Hardcore Holly is #5 and is a tag champion here. Taker slugs Holly down but Shawn tries to dump the big man again. John Morrison, also a tag champion but with Miz instead of Cody Rhodes like Holly, is #6. Morrison looks at Taker and immediately goes after Holly instead. Shawn dumps him to the apron but John gets back in. That winds up being bad for him as he get slammed down by Shawn followed by the top rope elbow.

Shawn tunes up the band but Morrison blocks the kick. Tommy Dreamer is #7 to a big pop and a LOUD Tommy Dreamer chant. #8 is Batista as we get another good blast of energy. Big Dave and Taker knock everyone down (no eliminations) and they stare each other down, only for Dreamer to charge at Batista, earning himself an elimination. Shawn goes after Batista now but Dave spears Morrison down instead.

Hornswoggle is #9 and immediately dives under the ring without ever getting in. Batista and Taker hammer on each other in the corner as Holly clotheslines Shawn to the apron. Chuck Palumbo, a lame biker at this point, is #10. Taker flips Morrison to the apron but he hangs on again. Shawn and Morrison fight on the top rope as Jamie Noble, Palumbo’s enemy at this point, is #11. Noble has taped up ribs so his offense can’t last long. Palumbo dumps him after less than a minute.

At the moment we have Taker, Shawn, Holly, Batista, Palumbo and Morrison in the ring with Horny underneath. #12 is CM Punk as Morrison makes ANOTHER impressive save. Punk is insanely popular in New York of course and fires off running knees in the corner to everyone he sees, only to charge into a clothesline from Undertaker. Morrison, the guy that took the ECW Title from Punk, pounds away on him. Punk takes Palumbo out but gets jumped from behind by Shawn.

Cody Rhodes is #13 before he means anything at all. Yes he’s a tag champion, and yes I stand by what I just said. Cody goes after Punk before shifting over to Taker like an idiot. Umaga is #14 to a decent pop. He spikes Holly out and gets to try on Batista for a bit now. Shawn gets backdropped to the apron but hangs on of course. Snitsky is #15 and badly pounds on everyone at once.

Rhodes jumps on Snitsky’s back and they both head to the apron but no further than that. Taker gets headbutted by Umaga as the ring is starting to get too full. Miz is #16 with those stupid shorts of his. He goes after Punk as Taker tries to put Umaga out. Shelton with his even stupider gold hair of his knocks both Miz and Morrison off the top and onto the ropes but not out, before walking into a superkick from Shawn for the elimination in less than 20 seconds.

Jimmy Snuka of all people is #18 to a HUGE pop. He goes after Morrison as the fans do Snuka’s barking kind of chant. Taker gets a headbutt which staggers the dead man before Snuka goes after Miz. At #19 here’s Roddy Piper to an even BIGGER pop. He takes his shirt off and causes about half the audience to faint before having a showdown with Snuka, which the rest of the match (remember this includes Umaga, Taker and Shawn) stops to watch. Piper pokes Jimmy in the eyes and the match finally picks up a bit.

Kane is in at #20 to hopefully clean out the ring a bit. Yep he knocks out Piper and Snuka before chokeslamming Miz. Taker loads up a chokeslam on Kane but before he grabs the throat, he spins around and grabs Michaels instead. Carlito is in at #21 and spits the apple at Rhodes. Punk and Morrison pick up Carlito but he kicks off the ropes and sends them both into them. Punk kicks Morrison in the head but gets caught by a Backstabber. Cool little sequence there.

Mick Foley is #22 and you know the fans freak out for him. A double arm DDT takes Kane down as Umaga hits a Samoan Drop on Taker. The ring is WAY too full now with Taker, Michaels, Morrison, Batista, Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz, Kane, Carlito, Foley and Horny under the ring. Morrison hits a springboard kick to take Foley down and Kennedy is #23. I’ll say this: the ring has some star power in it.

There’s a Mic Check to Miz and a kick to Taker after he sits up from something. A chokeslam puts Kennedy down and Taker starts beating up everyone. Here’s Big Daddy V at #24. Taker shoves Snitsky out, Shawn superkicks Taker out and Kennedy throws Shawn out. The only question I have from that: why is Taker on his feet after being superkicked? Taker drops a leg on the announce table on Snitsky because he’s a big jerk at times.

Kennedy and Rhodes fight to the apron as Henry is #25. Horny comes out from under the ring and pulls Miz out from the ring for an elimination. Horny goes back under the ring as V is trying to put out Morrison and Kennedy. Chavo is #26 and freshly ECW Champion, thereby making it clear that the ECW Title isn’t a world title. Kane sends Morrison to the apron and then to the floor with a big boot.

Horny comes in again as V and Henry double team him. Finlay runs out ahead of the gun (presumably at #27) and blasts both guys with the club. He and Horny leave through the ropes and don’t return, with the official statement being that Horny was eliminated for leaving and Finlay was disqualified. In the Rumble. Yeah this story was just badly done overall. Elijah Burke (D’Angelo Dinero) is #28.

Chavo dumps Punk after taking his title on Tuesday. That’s just overkill man. Umaga spikes Batista under the ropes and out to the floor. HHH is #29 which leaves a hole at #30. Basically every major star has entered and the announcers aren’t sure who is possibly left. Rhodes, V, Foley and Burke all go out at HHH’s hands before he pounds on Umaga. The countdown begins for #30.

The roof is blown off the Garden, because JOHN CENA is #30. This is shocking as Cena had torn his pec and had announced that he would be gone until Wrestlemania at the earliest. Imagine that: lying about an injury and getting a big response from the crowd. Who would have ever thought of that, and in wrestling of all things? Carlito, Chavo and Henry are all gone in about fifteen seconds before it’s HHH staring Cena down.

We’ve got Cena, HHH, Batista, Kane, Umaga and Kennedy to go. HHH takes Cena down with a spinebuster but walks into a superkick from Umaga. Batista takes Umaga down with the spinebuster and dumps Kennedy to get us down to five. There goes Umaga and we’re down to four. HHH and Batista dump Kane and we’ve got three left. Batista gives the double thumbs down, Cena says you can’t see me and HHH says suck it. Them are fighting catchphrases and it’s on.

Trips and Cena go after Big Dave but he clotheslines them both down. The spinebuster plants Cena and another one takes HHH down. The fans don’t seem thrilled with Batista so they cheer when Cena backdrops him down. HHH clotheslines Batista out and we’re down to HHH vs. Cena.

Since this is New York, the fans hate Cena by default and it’s boo/yay time. Triple H pounds away but walks into the Protobomb and the Shuffle. The finishers are both countered and they clothesline each other down. Cena can’t FU HHH out and gets caught in a DDT. The finishers are countered again until Cena hits the FU on HHH for the elimination and the win.

Rating: C+. It took awhile to get through the bad parts but once Cena’s music hit the place was electric. The fans booing Cena doesn’t surprise me at all because that’s how New York works. Cena would wind up facing Orton at No Way Out for some reason, resulting in a three way at Mania with HHH involved as well.

Cena celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well it definitely wasn’t terrible but at the end of the day, nothing is really all that good here at all. The best match is probably Hardy vs. Orton and that’s just ok. On the other hand though, nothing is really bad here and you likely won’t be bored with the show. It’s one of those shows where you watch it and other than Cena’s return, you probably won’t remember watching it two days later.

Ratings Comparison

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: C

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Jericho

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Wow the Smackdown title match really changed things around here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/27/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-screw-wwes-list-this-is-the-1-rumble-moment/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

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Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

Eddie Guerrero. If you honestly believe this show is about anyone but him, you’re completely wrong and missing the point. Tonight’s show is about milking as much as we possibly can out of Eddie’s dead body, because the entirety of the Smackdown main event scene until Wrestlemania (and even glimpses of it for years to come) would be about Rey Mysterio fighting for Eddie’s memory against people like Orton. I never have been comfortable with this but it is what it is. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

Teddy gushes to Vince about how excited he is over the Rumble. Vince is happy because he has Torrie, Victoria and Candace Michelle doing the drawing. They were a heel Divas stable at the time which didn’t work at all. HHH and Orton come in to draw and only the latter seems pleased with his number. Amazingly enough, these guys got the EXACT SAME NUMBERS that Guerrero and Flair got when they came in to draw last year.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Trish is referee and I didn’t realize she was in some barely there shorts. I miss Mickie wearing those skirts that often flew up above her waist. The problem with Ashley was simple: she wasn’t that good. Mickie cranks on the arm but Ashley counters into a wristlock of her own. Massaro armdrags Mickie down and it’s clearly Mickie flipping while Ashley moves her arm.

James heads to the floor to get a breather but Ashley hits a clothesline off the apron to take her down. Back in and Mickie snaps, basically turning heel mid-match. Mickie hooks a standing half crab to fill in some time as it’s clear Ashley has nothing to do here. We head to the floor where Mickie rams Ashley’s ribs into the post. Back in and Mickie hooks a bow and arrow hold to work on the back even more.

Ashley catches an incoming kick from Mickie and starts her “offense” but can barely hook a crucifix. The only good thing about it was Mickie’s skirt flying up but the rollup only gets two. Massaro shoves Ashley into the corner and the fans are openly booing now. She’s just absolutely horrible and thankfully Mickie kind of powerbombs her out of the corner for the sloppy pin.

Rating: D. Again, anything with Trish looking that hot involved can’t be considered a failure whatsoever. She was likely there because it was clear that the match was going to be horrible and the fans had to have something to be distracted by. Thankfully Trish and Mickie would get to have their excellent Mania match instead of another Ashley mess. Terrible stuff but hot women in tiny outfits make up for it.

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

This is part of an ongoing feud, which involved Boogeyman eating a growth off of Jillian Hall’s face. Do yourself a favor and don’t ask. Oh and I forgot to mention the set. It’s themed like a coliseum with guards opening up the doors for the wrestlers to come in. They did that at some of the old King of the Rings and I still like it.

John hides behind Jillian for awhile and then bails to the floor, leaving the blonde chick to get stalked. Boogeyman puts worms in his mouth and spits them into Jillian’s mouth. Boogey gets sent to the floor and into the steps before JBL chokes away a bit more. The Clothesline misses and a pumphandle powerslam ends JBL in less than two minutes. I have no idea what the point of this was.

Mama Benjamin comes in and hits on Vince. Thankfully Shelton comes in to save Vince from a future paternity suit. Melina comes in to hit on Shelton but Mama takes him away quickly. Mama Benjamin was one of those ideas that didn’t make a ton of sense and didn’t accomplish anything but it certainly exists. MNM draws their numbers as well. Vince and hits girls sit on the couch to watch the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble, which says everyone thinks they’ll win. Vince is vindictive against Shawn around this time too. Apparently there will be some returns tonight as well.

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Rey takes HHH down and hits a Bronco Buster as Psychosis is #4. He immediately goes after Rey before kicking HHH down. Psychosis busts out a freaky move where he hooks a Rock Bottom grip on Rey but lifts him into the air and slams Rey face down. Rey gets put in a Razor’s Edge position but ranas Psychosis out for the elimination. Ric Flair is #5 and goes right for HHH. They slug it out with Flair taking over but ducking his head into the facebuster. Ric comes back with a crotch grab but HHH rakes the eyes and backdrops Flair out.

Big Show, who hates HHH at the moment, is #6. They were feuding at this time, I believe over HHH injuring Big Show’s hand with the hammer. Show chops him in the corner and HHH falls forward onto Show’s chest. A headbutt keeps Rey down and there’s a side slam to HHH. Like an idiot, Big Show picks up HHH and slams him to the mat instead of to the floor. Coach is #7 and makes it about thirty seconds before Show puts him out.

Show does that stupid slam thing to HHH AGAIN. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt him or anything. The chokeslam takes HHH down again and here’s Lashley at #8. He and Show slug it out with Show getting backdropped to the mat. Kane, Big Show’s tag champion partner at this point, is #9. He and Lashley stare it down and Kane kicks Lashley’s head off.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Carlito is #11 and goes for Mysterio as is the theme tonight. There’s a Backstabber to put Rey down in the corner, where he’s been for a lot of the match tonight. Carlito punches HHH down and here’s Benoit at #12. Everyone gets a German and Carlito taps to a Crossface which means nothing here. HHH breaks it up for no apparent reason and whips Benoit hard into the corner.

The Game puts Benoit on the apron and they fight over a suplex with Benoit winding up on the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH down and hits the Swan Dive before Booker T is #13. He’s US Champion here and in tights, which suggests an injury to me. Oh yeah he’s barely moving out there and just letting Benoit chop him. Benoit dumps him in about 20 seconds so yeah Booker must have been hurt.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Johnny Nitro is #16 to give us the Smackdown tag champions in the ring at the same time. HHH is upside down as Tatanka chops Nitro down. Nitro is John Morrison if you don’t remember him. Mysterio is finally back to his feet after being down for about half the time he’s been in the match. Trevor Murdoch is #17 and chops away on Tatanka as the match calms down again. Eugene is #18 and immediately Hulks Up, hooking an airplane spin on Murdoch. Mysterio hits a double bulldog to take both guys down to remind us that he’s still there.

Road Warrior Animal is #18 and immediately takes MNM’s heads off with a double clothesline. A powerslam puts Nitro down and we hit another lull. RVD is #20 and is back for the first time in nearly a year. Animal and Benoit have a staredown until Benoit gets kicked in the face. RVD kicks MNM down and backdrops Animal out to finally clear some room out in the ring.

Orlando Jordan is #21 and no one cares. Van Dam hits a kick to Carlito’s face off the top and Chavo Guerrero is #22. Nitro takes Three Amigos but Chavo goes up and is immediately knocked out by HHH. Matt Hardy is #23 and hits the Twist of Fate on Jordan. RVD and Rey combine to get HHH to the apron but they can’t get him out. MNM put out Tatanka and there are way too many people in this match with three letter initials. Super Crazy is #24 and literally flips to the ring.

At the moment we’ve got HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, RVD, Jordan, Hardy, Crazy and now Shawn Michaels at #25. Why are there THIRTEEN PEOPLE in the ring at once? Everyone swarms Shawn but he punches them all off until Murdoch gets in some shots on him in the corner. There goes Trevor and Carlito knocks Shawn to the apron but not out.

Chris Masters is #26 and Hardy sends HHH to the apron. Viscera is #27 in his World’s Largest Love Machine period. He sits on Matt and does his anal rape thing as Mercury saves himself from being eliminated. Matt gets some boots up in the corner but is thrown out pretty quickly thereafter. Shelton is #28 and Benoit eliminates Eugene. Goldust returns at #29 and chops a bunch of people to no reaction.

Orton is FINALLY #30, giving us a final group of HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Crazy, HBK, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE MATCH. To give you an idea of how lame the star power is other than like three people in this, the final five were Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Other than Randy that’s like a medium budget indy show, not the last five entrants to the Royal Rumble.

Randy almost immediately puts out Benoit. Seriously? You can’t put out Masters or Jordan? It just HAD TO BE Benoit??? An RKO takes down Viscera so Masters and Carlito can throw him out. Carlito immediately turns on his partner and dumps Masters. Goldie loads up Shattered Dreams on Carlito and gets in a good kick, only to be eliminated by RVD. Orton puts out Jordan and Shawn and HHH finally go at it. MNM double teams Shawn but gets eliminated for their efforts.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

We’re down to Carlito, Van Dam, HHH, Mysterio and Orton. Van Dam kicks Carlito out and we’re down to four. Van Dam kicks Orton in the head and teams up with Mysterio to beat on the Evolution guys. Rob goes up top but HHH crotches him and sends Rey into the corner to knock Van Dam out, getting us down to three. Evolution teams up on Rey but he knocks them both into the ropes for a double 619. Orton takes the seated senton but HHH clotheslines Rey down.

Orton powerslams HHH down but the RKO is countered into a spinebuster. HHH goes after Rey and gets flipped out to get us down to two. Cole’s voice is almost gone. HHH, ever the nice guy, pulls Rey to the floor and sends him into the steps. Mysterio is basically dead so Orton takes his sweet time. That’s his downfall though, as Rey counters the elimination attempt into a rana and sends Orton out for the win. Naturally he had to be #2 which the WWE considers less than #1 for absolutely no apparent reason, but that’s HHH for you.

Rating: C-. This isn’t a bad match, but man alive is it boring. There are three major problems in this match. First of all, there were WAY too many people in the ring at most given times. Like I said, once Orton got in there we had fifteen people in the ring at once. That’s double what the number should be around and it clutters things up way too much with that many people in there.

Second, as I touched on near the end, the talent pool was pretty shallow here. I mean, MNM aren’t bad but they don’t need to be in the final grouping of the Rumble. Guys like Masters and Carlito should have been eliminated earlier but just stuck in there. That gets old fast and it was begging for someone like Shawn to come in there and eliminate like five guys at once.

Finally, since there were so many people in there at once, it was hard to focus on any single story. You had stuff like HHH trying to go wire to wire but that got lost in the shuffle. Rey was on the mat for long stretches of time so he wasn’t really noticed either. Shawn’s issues with Vince only popped up for the elimination and were only touched on. When you can’t focus on one thing, you can’t focus on anything and that makes for a dull match. One good thing was that Rey wasn’t a guaranteed winner, so there was some drama. It’s not a bad Rumble but it was badly run.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

Rey celebrates when Edge comes in and says don’t even think of challenging him at Mania.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena walks across a catwalk that lowered from the ceiling and hops in over the top. You know, in case it’s wasn’t clear enough that Edge had no chance here. Cena clotheslines him down to start but has to chase Edge back inside, allowing the champion to send Cena into the buckle. We head to the floor again with Cena having to avoid Lita and getting sent into the steps as a result. A baseball slide sends Cena over the barricade and the match stops again.

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Cena grabs a quick FU attempt but Edge counters into a rollup for two. A big boot puts Cena down but he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Edge tries a rear naked choke of all things which Cena eventually breaks up. The spear misses and there’s a DDT to put both guys down. It’s Cena up first to start his finishing sequence but Lita distracts the referee. Edge misses a charge and is sent into Lita, setting up Cena for the FU and STFU to get the title back.

Rating: D+. This was a world title match at the Royal Rumble? Why? Edge never felt like he had Cena in trouble and the match wasn’t anything that you would remember five minutes after it ended. Lita’s cleavage was awesome but when that’s the best thing about a match….well you shouldn’t be surprised because it often was in Edge’s matches, but still, pretty lame match here that made Edge look like a footnote. Obviously that would change, but not a good start for him here.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

We recap Angle vs. Henry. Batista had been scheduled to face henry but tore his triceps and had to vacate the title. Angle won the title in a battle royal and gets to defend here. The idea is that Henry is way too strong for Angle. Seriously, that’s the story. Why this main evented the show isn’t quite clear.

Angle is all I’M THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD and no one can beat me. He leaves but comes back to tell Mark Henry that he SUCKS. This version of Angle was AWESOME, as he would just go out there and go beast mode on everyone and make them look like fools trying to keep up with him. Also he was perfect for a quick title reign like this as no one would question him popping up out of nowhere and taking the title. Those kind of people are hard to find but Kurt was one of them.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Angle gets overpowered to start. That’s about all there is to say for the first two minutes or so, as Kurt keeps getting shoved around and then taken to the floor. Henry whips him into the steps and then stands on Angle’s chest back inside. We hit a bearhug for a bit until Angle hiptosses out of it. He tries a cross body like an imbecile but rolls out of the World’s Strongest Slam. The ankle lock and Angle Slam are no good so Henry clubs him down again.

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Rating: D. Seriously, why was this……

And a gong strikes. That’s why.

As for the match, it sucked pretty terribly. Why would we buy Henry as a potential champion here after him showing no proof of being at that level? The match wasn’t even ten minutes long, making it feel much more like a TV match than a PPV title match. I know they wanted to do the big ending with Taker, but there had to be a better way to do it.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Overall Rating: D. I watched this show over the course of two days, and honestly the only thing that came to my mind other than the last ten minutes of it was how Trish looked in that referee outfit. That’s how completely forgettable this show is. Nothing came out of this show as Cena was champion all over again, making the last three weeks feel like nothing. Nothing to see here and definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

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Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

It’s time for a new set of guys to take their place on top of the company and what better time to do that than at the Rumble? Other than the Rumble, we’ve got the final blowoff of Orton vs. HHH in a feud that still makes me shake my head to this day. Also it’s Big Show vs. JBL vs. Angle for the Smackdown Title in a match that sounds so uninteresting I’d rather watch last year’s show all over again. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is designed like a clock counting down in the Rumble. Cool idea there.

I almost forgot: this is the West Side Rumble, which is actually designed on a theme of West Side Story, as in gangs of Raw and Smackdown guys snapping their fingers and singing. Remember that THIS was considered the best idea and that someone received a paycheck for doing this. Let that sink in when you’re unemployed next time.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Edge is mad that he didn’t get the title shot at Taboo Tuesday and is finally turning heel, which he would be for years to come. Edge jumps Shawn before Shawn can take off his vest, only to get sent back to the floor by Shawn. Back in and Shawn chops away in the corner but Edge comes back with a swinging neckbreaker to take over. Edge is embracing the evil here and pokes Shawn in the eye but it only ticks Shawn off, resulting in a Thesz Press by Shawn.

The Canadian is sent back to the floor but he catches Shawn in an Edge-O-Matic to take over again. A baseball slide keeps Shawn down and we head back inside. The fans are firmly behind Shawn here, which means the heel turn is working for Edge. Shawn tries a standing rana but gets caught in a powerbomb for two instead. Off to a rear naked choke from Edge which stays on for a good while.

As Shawn fights up, Edge slams him right back down to stop the comeback before doing Shawn’s pose. Shawn gets guillotined on the top but Edge jumps into a punch to the ribs for two. Shawn counters a belly to back suplex into a cross body for two but Edge clotheslines him right back down. We hit the chinlock again although for far less time here. Michaels comes back with an atomic drop and they mistime something pretty badly with Shawn waiting on one side of the ring while Edge stumbles around on the other side.

Anyway Shawn pounds away in the corner and grabs a rollup for two, prompting Edge to try to walk out. The imbecile of a referee holds Shawn back, allowing Edge to sneak up from behind and spear Shawn to the floor. Shawn finally crawls back in and Edge dances a bit. Edge tunes up the band and spears Shawn down for two more, sending Edge into a fit. He pulls his own hair out and does those awesome facials that only Edge can do.

With nothing else to try, Edge puts Shawn on top for a superplex, only to get knocked down for the flying elbow from Shawn. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop for two more and Edge is very frustrated. Edge rolls through a sunset flip into the Edgeucator (imagine a Sharpshooter but with Edge behind Shawn like an ankle lock) but Shawn makes the rope. After a small package gets two for Shawn, Edge reverses a rollup into one of his own and grabs the ropes for the cheap pin.

Rating: B-. Decent match here but at nearly 20 minutes it’s too long. I’m not sure if I like the ending or not either, as Edge cheating shows that he’s embracing the heel turn, but I don’t think cheating and then hitting a move like another spear would have been a bad choice either. Still though, solid way to further Edge’s turn and a very long opener, which isn’t a terrible idea.

Teddy and Eric banter about who is going to win. Apparently we’re doing the old school tumbler thing to draw numbers with. Flair and Eddie come in (Flair hits on Torrie of course) to draw and Flair is very happy with his number. Eddie is disappointed, so he picks Flair’s pocket and steals his number. See, THIS is the kind of stuff we need more of. It enforces Eddie’s character and is funny at the same time, unlike the stupid stuff we get today that doesn’t help anyone.

Heidenreich is panicking about caskets when Snitsky comes up. Heavy breathing ensues and Snitsky says he has an idea.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. Basically Heidenreich wants to replace Undertaker is his chance in a casket match. Most people didn’t think much of Heidenreich and they would wind up being proven correct. He would be followed by Great Khali in the long line of strange guys to face Undertaker.

The casket is brought out.

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Taker grabs a headlock to start and pulls Heidenreich towards the casket but (Jon) Heidenreich runs away. That works so well that we do it again and Jon is terrified. Since that didn’t quite work, Taker hooks the leg with a half crab, causing Heidenreich to crawl towards the ropes in front of the casket. As we ignore the problem of crawling to the ropes, Jon bails to the floor to take the fight out there.

Heidenreich sends Taker into the casket and pounds his head into it, which apparently isn’t a problem for him. Back in and Heidenreich pounds away in the corner, only to get caught in a modified triangle choke. Taker pulls the hold down to the mat and Heidenreich is almost out, so here’s Snitsky to break up the hold. After a double suplex to Taker, the monsters start pulling him to the casket…..which has Kane inside.

Kane, who was feuding with Snitsky over Snitsky punting a plastic version of the baby that Kane’s wife Lita (just go with it) lost, destroys both guys and takes Snitsky into the crowd. Heidenreich starts shoving the casket away very slowly before slamming Taker into the steps. Heidenreich slides the casket into Taker, which looks rather stupid as Taker had nothing behind him to be crushed against but whatever.

Back in and Jon puts on a cobra clutch which chokes Taker out enough to get him into the casket. Well mostly in at least as Taker sticks an arm out and chokes away. With Heidenreich’s torso in the casket, Taker drops the apron legdrop in the spot of the match. Back in and Heidenreich is suddenly fine, pounding away on the Dead Man and hitting a Boss Man Slam for a cover. Taker chokes his way out of the casket and wins a slugout, followed by a bad running DDT. Chokeslam and tombstone hit and we’re done.

Rating: D. This just didn’t work. At the end of the day, Heidenreich just didn’t work at all and he never came close to it. This was supposed to be a preview of Snitsky/Heidenreich vs. Kane/Taker at Mania, but thankfully they went with Kane in MITB and Taker vs. Orton in a great match, whereas Snitsky and Heidenreich didn’t even make it onto the show.

Teddy yells at Eddie to get Flair’s number back. Evolution comes in and a beatdown nearly ensues. Eddie has to give the number back, and he throws in Flair’s wallet too. Batista is going to go draw for the Rumble but HHH wants to talk about the match with Orton. Tensions flare but Flair calms things down. I think I smell a showdown.

Christian is here to draw his number and he’s well pleased. Cena shows up and hits on Christy but Christian isn’t pleased. He says rapping isn’t hard and challenges Cena to a battle rap. Tomko won’t give Christian a beat so he has to go it alone. Christian actually rhymes a bit but can’t rhyme charisma. Cena makes gay jokes and isn’t nearly as funny as Christian.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

This match has a backstory that isn’t important enough to explain to us. Apparently Angle had a last man standing match with JBL but the winner is even less important than the backstory. JBL is defending. Angle bails to the floor to start so Show runs over JBL a few times. There’s the loud chop in the corner followed by a legdrop which finally draws Angle into the ring for a save.

Now it’s Kurt getting a big chop in the corner. Cole says that’s like getting hit in the chest with a skillet. My question continues to be: how does anyone know what that feels like? Is that what goes on at WWE headquarters when there aren’t any shows on? Show clotheslines both guys to the floor to a surprisingly big reaction. Angle tries a German on the floor which fails completely, so Show picks up the steps.

Show loads up the announce table and climbs the steps to chokeslam JBL through said table. Before he can though, Angle hits Show low and blasts him with a monitor, knocking Show through the table. Back inside and Angle puts JBL in an armbar followed by a keylock. Kurt rolls the Germans but walks into a big boot for two. Big Show gets back in and there’s a double clothesline and headbutts all around. He slams Angle onto JBL to a big reaction. When did Big Show get this popular? Both guys get crushed in the corner and another double clothesline puts both guys down.

Show loads up a double chokeslam but the other guys go High/Low to take Show down. Angle Germans JBL down and hits a bad Angle Slam which gives JBL two. There’s a chokeslam to JBL but he gets a foot on the rope. Out to the floor and Show spears JBL through the barricade in his signature spot, putting all three guys down.

Back in and Angle goes after Show with a chair but gets flapjacked face first onto the steel. Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns, Angle’s lackeys, come out for the save as JBL’s Cabinet try to wake up the champion. Show beats up Jindrak and Reigns as Orlando Jordan puts JBL in the ring for the Clothesline to pin Angle to retain.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches I was expecting to suck but it wound up being pretty solid. Angle is going to be good no matter what he does and Show had some solid motivation out there for a change. JBL escaping with the title was a recurring theme for nearly a year until he ran into a buzzsaw called John Cena in a few months. Shockingly good match here.

Batista won’t sign Carlito’s petition to get rid of Teddy Long. Carlito loads up the apple, looks at Batista, and swallows. Funny bit.

Batista goes to draw his number and hears Bischoff bar Evolution from ringside for the next match. Big Dave seems very happy to tell HHH.

Long video recapping HHH vs. Orton. They hate each other, Orton was never supposed to get another shot, so tonight he gets another shot.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending. This is when Orton was still young and a not quite plucky face. He punches Orton to the floor and gets two off a dropkick back inside. HHH pounds away in the corner but gets caught in Snake Eyes to stop him cold again. Orton tries the RKO again but gets dumped to the floor, which thankfully doesn’t break his shoulder again. HHH sends him into the steps and heads back in for some knees to Orton’s back.

The Game goes after the taped up knee and wraps it around the post because he can. HHH modifies the cannonball down onto the leg by dropping an elbow instead of sitting on it. After a quick attempt at a small package by Orton, HHH puts on a LONG Figure Four, lasting way longer than almost any other I can remember. Orton finally turns it over, sending HHH retreating to the floor.

Orton sends him over the announce table and pounds away before heading back in for his backbreaker. A swinging neckbreaker gets two for Orton as does a regular one. The powerslam by Orton gets two as he doesn’t seem interested in selling the knee at all. HHH counters punching in the corner into an atomic drop to slow things down again. HHH goes up top for no apparent reason and gets armdragged down, allowing Orton to hit a top rope cross body (his old finisher) for two.

Orton counters a Pedigree attempt into a catapult but HHH counters the RKO for at least the third time before hitting the high knee for two. Randy is bleeding from the lip. The Pedigree is escaped again and Orton gets two off a clothesline. The champ rolls to the floor again and gets sent into the steps for trying to hide. Back in and Orton pounds away in the corner, only to miss a DDT attempt and possibly give himself a concussion.

The referee looks at Orton to stall even more, as I think they’re going for some big emotional moment where Orton fights through adversity. HHH charges at Orton and knocks out the referee at the same time. It’s hammer time but HHH misses his charge and hits the post. Back inside and Orton gets the hammer, only to have his head taken off by a clothesline. HHH throws away the hammer and hits the Pedigree to retain.

Rating: D+. As usual, these two do not work well together at all. This was one of their worse matches too, as Orton never seemed to have HHH even remotely in danger at all. At the end, HHH had Orton dead to rites for a long time and won clean (he never used the hammer) with a Pedigree. Orton’s face push was killed dead here so he had to turn heel and feud with the Undertaker soon after this. Not a good match and kind of headscratching booking.

Angle literally steals Nunzio’s number and spot in the Rumble.

Teddy tells JBL and company that Jibbles has to defend the title against Big Show in a barbed wire steel cage match at No Way Out.

Royal Rumble

Eddie Guerrero is #1 and Benoit is #2. Dang Benoit is on a run of bad luck in these things. I think we’ve got 90 second intervals again here. Feeling out process to start and they get into a technical standoff of course. Eddie hooks one of the few chinlocks in Rumble history until Daniel Puder, the winner of Tough Enough 4 (beating Mike MIZanin in the finals) is #3. He gets on the mic and says that he’ll be the first Tough Enough Champion to win the Rumble, drawing “are you serious” glares from Benoit and Eddie.

Benoit and Eddie fire off chops in the corner followed by a double suplex because they can. Eddie hits Three Amigos and Hardcore Holly is #4. Holly asks if he can have some fun with Puder and rips some skin off with chops in the corner. Benoit and Eddie get in some chops of their own before Holly kicks Puder low, hits the Alabama Slam, and throws him out. Hurricane is #5 as Guerrero and Benoit dump Holly.

Hurricane gets double teamed but Eddie tries a double cross, only to get chopped for his efforts. Hurricane hits a Blockbuster on Eddie but Benoit chops him down and whips him into Eddie for the elimination. Kenzo Suzuki (one of the most forgettable footnotes in wrestling history) is #6. Just like everyone else, Benoit and Eddie pound on him in the corner with chops and suplexes, but Benoit turns on Eddie ala earlier but only throws him to the apron.

Edge is #7 to a BIG pop. He beats on everyone in sight but gets clotheslined down by Benoit. Rey Mysterio is #8 and my goodness does Suzuki look out of place in there. Thankfully Rey headscissors him out about twenty seconds after entering, getting us down to an AWESOME tag match if they ever got around to doing it. Edge goes after Guerrero and here’s Shelton Benjamin, the current IC Champion and on pure fire at this point, at #9.

There isn’t a bad combination in the ring at the moment. Benoit tries to dump Rey but Eddie tries to put both of them out. Shelton can’t eliminate Edge so he walks into a headscissors from Rey instead. Here’s Booker at #10 to keep the talent level high. Question for discussion: who is the worst worker in the ring at the moment? Here’s Eric Bischoff to cheer on the Raw guys as Benoit puts Eddie in a Boston Crab.

Jericho is #11 to a BIG pop. Teddy Long comes out to cheer as well as various people beat on each other. Luther Reigns is #12 to stop the hot streak dead. With four Raw guys (Benoit, Edge, Jericho and Benjamin) and four Smackdown guys (Booker, Luther, Mysterio and Guerrero), it’s time for a showdown ala the West Side Rumble that the show is based on. That’s a cool idea in theory, but what happened to the “every man for himself” concept?

Muhammad Hassan is #13 and the match stops cold. Everyone surrounds Hassan and the group beatdown is on. The fans REALLY dig this, which says a lot about Hassan’s potential. He was going to win the world title over Batista in Washington DC at Summerslam, but real life issues got in his way. Hassan is out in less than a minute and here’s Orlando Jordan at #14. Tazz says we can compare Jordan to Benjamin. Other than a good look, talent, charisma or fan interest, they are indeed neck and neck.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #15 but Hassan jumps him in the aisle, keeping him from ever getting into the ring. Taker beat him down in the aisle in 2002 also so it’s not the best even for Mr. Hotty. The ring is getting too full now but most of the guys are talented enough that I can live with it. Charlie Haas is #16 and Luther is put out by Booker, as is Jordan. That clears things out a bit. Booker stops for a Spinarooni and charges into a low bridge from Eddie to get rid of him.

Renee Dupree is #17, giving us Benoit, Guerrero, Edge, Mysterio, Haas, Jericho, Benjamin and Dupree. The World’s Greatest Tag Team hits their Shelton jumps over Charlie spot to Renee but Shelton misses a splash in the corner and gets dumped by Edge. Simon Dean is #18 but he stops to do exercises on the floor before getting in. JR goes off on him in a funny bit. Eddie stops to look at him and Edge dumps Guerrero as a result.

Shawn is #19 and superkicks Simon out, doing some Hindu Squats to celebrate. Edge tries to corner Mysterio in a corner. JR: “Makes a lot of sense.” Shawn backdrops Charlie out and Kurt Angle is #20. He hits Angle Slams on everything in sight but tries the ankle lock on Shawn. Michaels rolls through and superkicks Angle out after less than 40 seconds. Coach is #21 and you can hear JR groan. He gets in a single shot on Benoit and runs to hide.

Edge tries to put Mysterio out and here’s Jindrak at #22. Angle comes back in and dumps Michaels before blasting him with the steps and putting him in the ankle lock. I’m thinking we need a masterpiece at Wrestlemania to settle this. Viscera is #23 and he pounds on everyone in sight. Paul London is #24 and nearly slides out of the ring from sliding in so far. Dupree takes him down but stops to dance, allowing Jericho to dump him.

London gets sent to the apron but slides back in as Cena (BIG pop) is #25. He gets in a shot on everyone and backdrops Viscera out. Cena and Benoit slug it out as Snitsky is #26. He’s still kind of a threat at this point and runs over everyone in sight. Londdon gets knocked to the apron again and hit with a HUGE clothesline for an even bigger backflip off the apron to the floor. That made a lot of highlight reels.

Snitsky and Cena stare each other down and John takes a big boot. Kane is #27 complete with pyro. Tazz: “WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT OVER HERE??? THIS IS NUTS!!!” Chokeslams all around as London is taken out on a stretcher. Jindrak goes out thanks to Kane and Coach of all people tries to avenge him. Batista is #28 and the pop that Cena got looks like a whimper. Snitsky is gone immediately and it’s time for a showdown with Kane. The crowd is WAY into Batista as he powerbombs Kane.

There goes Jericho thanks to Big Dave but Edge hangs on. Christian is #29 and he goes right after Cena. Cena is all like BRING IT ON and stomps Christian down in the corner. Rey hits a 619 on Kane and Cena FU’s the monster out. Flair is #30, giving us a final group of Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Coach, Cena, Batsita, Christian and Flair. Not bad at all with one exception. Evolution teams up for a spinebuster on Coach for the elimination before doing the same to Christian.

Benoit chops away at Flair but walks into a spinebuster and the elimination by Ric. Flair goes for a toss out of Batista but gets glared at in response. Edge and Mysterio dropkick Batista down and Edge dumps Flair, getting us down to Edge, Mysterio, Cena and Batista. Edge spears Cena and Batista down but Mysterio avoids the one coming at him. There’s a 619 to the Canadian but a springboard legdrop misses and Edge spears Rey out. Edge charges at Cena and we’re down to Cena vs. Batista.

The fans REALLY like this (and they’re in red(ish) and blue to match their brands) and the staredown is on. Cena slaps away (clearly open handed) and tries the FU over the top but Batista blocks it. Dave loads up the Bomb but Cena fights out of it and they head to the ropes where both fall out, seemingly at the same time. Seriously, it’s so close you can’t fairly say one of them went out first.

We have a split decision, so here’s Vince to charge out, slide into the ring….and destroy his knees and rip both of his quadriceps at the exact same time. While Vince sits on the mat (and hopefully doesn’t seeing Batista dying laughing), both guys throw each other out and Vince restarts the match. Why this means we don’t start with Benoit and Guerrero again isn’t explained but it’s spinebuster and elimination for Batista, sending Big Dave to the main event of Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. I don’t remember liking this as much the first time around but this was really good stuff. That segment in the first part with all the talent was reminiscent of the 1990 edition where there was a string of incredibly talented guys to start things off. Then things slowed down a bit, but once Cena hit the crowd, who was already red hot all night, got turned up to white levels and things went through the roof. Goofy ending (which wasn’t planned) aside, this was great stuff and a forgotten classic Rumble.

Overall Rating: B. This is a solid show overall with only the casket match being really bad. The Raw Title match isn’t terrible but it’s not worth watching either, especially with Orton’s lack of selling being horrible. Batista and Cena would of course go on to Wrestlemania to win both world titles and dominate the company for years to come, making this a truly game changing show. Good stuff here and certainly worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B

Redo: B-

The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Original: D-

Redo: D

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Big Show vs. Kurt Angle

Original: B

Redo: C+

HHH vs. Randy Orton

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: B-

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

Like I said, I liked the Rumble a lot more this time around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/24/royal-rumble-count-up-2005-the-rise-of-the-new-generation/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 13, 2014
Location: Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re only two weeks out from the Rumble though it feels like there are months to go. The field is still wide open and that’s usually a good sign, but the Rumble doesn’t feel like a big deal right now. Actually nothing does, as everything feels only big but not huge. Obviously that could change, but we’re still a long way off from Wrestlemania which is all that really matters. Let’s get to it.

Wyatt Family vs. Usos

It’s Bryan/Bray for once here and Bryan is extra aggressive tonight. Jey fights him off but Daniel takes him into the corner for the tag off to Wyatt who kicks away in the corner. Back to Bryan who rips at Jey’s face and drops a knee to the chest before it’s off to Bray for some evil sneering. Bray cannonballs down onto Jey’s chest and runs him over in the corner.

Daniel comes in again for the YES Kicks as the fans aren’t pleased with Bryan at all. Daniel puts on a chinlock but Jey fights up and enziguris him down, allowing for the hot tag to Jimmy. The Usos start cleaning house and send the Wyatts to the floor for the stereo dives. Back in and the other Family members run in for the DQ at 5:35.

Rating: C-. This was more about the story than the action and there’s nothing wrong with that. Daniel is still going to get something big out of this, perhaps even winning the Rumble, but tonight was a good way of using him in the stable. It advances the story, which is what you need right now.

Post match the Usos fight off the monsters and escape, leaving Daniel on the mat with Bray pacing back and forth. Daniel gets up and Bray whispers something to him, sending Bryan to his knees with his arms out. Bray gives him Sister Abigail and says that was for all of them. All four Wyatts leave together.

John Cena vs. Damien Sandow

Cena armdrags him down to start and cranks on an armbar as the announcers talk about how bad Sandow’s year ended. A hiptoss puts Sandow down again for two but he pops back up and takes over with some headbutts as we take a break. Back with Sandow working on the arm but missing a knee drop. Cena initiates his finishing sequence but the AA is countered into an Edge-O-Matic for two.

Sandow’s neckbreaker is countered but Cena can’t get the STF. Damien kicks the knee out and puts on an Edgecator (Sharpshooter to start but Sandow doesn’t step over and pushes the legs forward instead of pulling). Cena is easily out and grabs a half nelson slam, only to spin around into a neckbreaker for two.

John goes up top and shoves Sandow away, only to catch him with a tornado DDT for two. Sandow counters the AA into a sunset flip for two more before spinning a neckbreaker into a DDT for another near fall. You’re Welcome is countered into the STF but Damien is quickly into the ropes. Sandow grabs a Crossface but Cena powers up into the AA for the pin at 10:25.

Rating: B-. Not as good as the MITB match due to the lack of drama but this was a very nice surprise. These two have chemistry in the ring but Sandow’s stock is so low that there’s almost no way to believe he’s going to beat Cena. Still though, much better than I expected it to be.

Video on the WWE Network. That’s going to be awesome.

Kane is looking at some papers when Brad Maddox comes in. Brad makes fun of Kane for letter the show fall apart already but Kane says Brad should be reenforcing the rules. Maddox makes Bryan/Bray vs. Usos in a cage for later. Kane says the door is chained and locked and he’ll have the key.

Big Show vs. Jack Swagger

Before the match we see Big Show throwing Lesnar around last week. Show throws Swagger around to start and headbutts him around the ring. A splash in the corner sets up a shoulder tackle to send Jack flying. The chokeslam ends the squash at 1:20. It’s so nice to have them mix up the jobbers every now and then.

Big Show chases Cesaro off and punches Zeb out because he’s not a nice guy.

New Age Outlaws/CM Punk vs. Shield

Rematch from Smackdown. Billy starts with Ambrose with Dean getting in some shots to the head to take over. Off to Rollins who is in long sleeves tonight and allows the tag to Road Dogg. Seth kicks him in the ribs and brings in Ambrose to rip at Dogg’s face a bit. Punk gets the tag and cleans house on Dean, including driving elbows into the head in the corner. Rollins comes in but has to fight out of a GTS, only to bring in Reigns to a noticeable pop.

Punk and Reigns slug it out with punk getting the better of it, only to be punched in the chest to give Roman control. Reigns is low bridged to the floor, allowing Punk to hit a suicide dive as we take a break. Back with Rollins dropping Punk and tagging in Reigns, who heads to the floor for a dropkick to the side of Punk’s head as it hangs over the bottom rope. That’s INSANELY athletic. Ambrose puts on a chinlock and stops Punk’s comeback attempt before bringing Rollins back in.

Seth takes Punk into the corner for some knees to the ribs. Dean stays on those ribs with some stomps and throws Punk to the floor in a heap. Punk reverses a whip into the steps but Reigns throws Ambrose back in to cut off Punk’s chance. A springboarding Rollins can’t take Punk own but Reigns gets between Punk and the corner. CM is all good with that and high kicks Reigns down…..but the Outlaws drop to the floor, leaving Punk 3-1. The numbers game catches Punk about 30 seconds later as Reigns spears him down for the pin at 15:31.

Rating: C. This was again about the story and there’s nothing wrong with that. If I had to guess, that’s the start of Punk vs. HHH at Wrestlemania which is a match about two years overdue. It’s also likely a way to get the Outlaws out of the ring, which is the right idea. They’re a nostalgia act, meaning their shelf life is limited at best.

Punk gets TripleBombed post match.

Bray tells Bryan that they’ve been inside a cage their entire lives but tonight they find absolution. Bryan freaks out and says the same thing.

Funkadactyls vs. AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka

Before the match, NXT Diva Emma is shown in the crowd and identified by the announcers. That’s a good addition to the division if it happens. Cameron takes Tamina down with a headscissors to start but gets draped over the top rope for two. Off to AJ who gets two off a neckbreaker, skips around a bit, and ends her with the Shining Wizard at 2:52. Total squash and Naomi was never in.

Post match Naomi makes the save and sends AJ running.

Orton is looking for the Authority and finds Kane after the break. He raves about all the people coming after him because he’s the champion but Kane cuts him off. Orton can have Kofi tonight.

We get the first inductee into the Hall of Fame: the Ultimate Warrior.

Paul Heyman goes on a long rant about Big Show having his pituitary gland removed, leading to a massive case of stupidity. That’s the only way you can explain him going after Brock Lesnar. Heyman ensures us that Lesnar isn’t as easy to take out as Jack Swagger and he’ll prove that at the Rumble.

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston

Non-title. Orton is especially ticked off tonight and sends Kofi to the floor. A whip into the barricade gets two for the champ and he clotheslines Kofi down for no cover. Kofi is sent to the floor again but he manages to send Randy into the announce table a few times to get a breather. Back inside and Orton sends him face first into the middle buckle before superplexing Kingston down for two. Orton drops a knee to the face but Kofi comes back with strikes to the head to knock Orton outside. Kofi follows him to the floor and sends Orton face first into the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Orton ramming Kofi into the announce table before taking him back inside for a chinlock. Kofi fights up but gets sent to the floor and into the steps for the third time tonight. Make it four as Orton is all insane again. A hard stomp to the side of the head gets two and we hit the chinlock again.

Orton shrugs off a comeback and walks around a lot more. Kofi gets a quick two off a backslide so Orton uppercuts him down for another chinlock. The hold is broken and Kofi avoids a knee drop. A dropkick sets up the Boom Drop but Orton rolls away and loads up the Elevated DDT….but Kofi counters into the SOS for the completely clean pin at 16:51.

Rating: D+. This was mind warping. First and foremost, WAY too long with the chinlocks and walking around. I get the idea of Orton letting Kofi hang in there and getting pinned, but there are far better ways to go about it than that. Then there’s the booking which is crazy enough if you think about it for more than three seconds. Orton is the new world champion, meaning he should not be getting pinned on Raw. It’s stuff like that which crippled the World Heavyweight Title and they don’t need to do it with the one title.

Post match Orton throws a fit and destroys a bunch of stuff before hitting John Cena’s dad in the front row. Security pulls him away and Cena comes out to tend to his Pop.

After the break Cena’s dad is taken out on a stretcher.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Ryback/Curtis Axel

Non-title again. Axel hammers away on Goldust to start before the golden one comes back with an uppercut. Off to Ryback as the announcers mention his big Twitter rant over the weekend. Cody comes in with a not great moonsault press for two before it’s back to Goldust who has to deal with Axel making a blind tag. Curtis gets in a clothesline to the back of the head and it’s quickly back to Ryback for a chinlock. The announcers tell some far more entertaining inside jokes about Lawler in the AWA but unfortunately Cole gets back to the match.

Goldust comes back with a bulldog to put Ryback down and the hot tag brings in Cody. House is cleaned very slowly with Cody hitting a kick to the ribs and a missile dropkick to put Curtis down. The Disaster Kick staggers Ryback on the apron but Axel grabs a rollup for two. Axel’s neckbreaker is countered into Cross Rhodes for the pin at 6:05.

Rating: D+. This just didn’t do it for me for some reason. Ryback’s Twitter rant looks like it’s going to be turned into a storyline which isn’t a bad idea at all. The match however didn’t work, possibly due to Cody and Goldust clearing out the division in just a few months. Not terrible but nothing to see here.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysteriou

Del Rio is still aggressive, driving Rey into the corner and slamming him down for two. Rey comes back with a headscissors but can’t hit the 619. Del Rio bails to the floor and gets caught by a seated senton off the pron. Back in and Rey kicks Alberto in the head for two, only to get caught with a Codebreaker to the arm.

An armbar doesn’t get Del Rio anywhere so he takes Rey down with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. The arm is wrapped around the ropes again but Del Rio’s chargs hits the post to give Rey a break. Alberto’s Alabama Slam is counterd into a headscissors and the 619 but Rey gets crotched on the top. The running enziguri sets up the armbreker to make Rey tap at 4:55.

Rating: D+. Again this didn’t have time to go anywhere but it wasn’t far above a squash. Del Rio’s psychology in the ring continues to be solid but his character is so boring that I just can’t care at all. He’ll still be a good first feud for Batista, even though he’s just a warmup for Big Dave.

Post match Del Rio says that was a preview for Batista.

Same Network video from earlier.

Punk complains to Kane about the Outlaws and enters the Rumble.

We get a very well edited clip of the Usos talking about their match, show “moments ago.”

Usos vs. Wyatt Family

Inside a cage with Kane holding the key to the door. It’s a brawl to start with the Usos being sent into the cage and choked a lot. Jey gets backdropped into the steel as the pace slows even more. Daniel tries to throw a charging Jimmy into the cage but Jimmy climbs up for an escape attempt. Bryan and Jimmy fight on top of the cage but Bray goes up as well to pull Jimmy backinside. Jey pulls Bray down to the mat and does the same to Bryan with a Russian legsweep as we take a break.

We’re quickly back with the Wyatts in control again until Jey slams Bray’s head into the cage a few times, setting up a Whisper in the Wind for two. A double belly to back superplex puts Daniel down but Bray is back into it. He blocks a superkick from Jey but takes too long setting up Sister Abigail, allowing Jimmy to superkick Bray for the save. The Wyatts make a double save to keep the Usos from escaping but the twins knock Bray and Daniel down. Jimmy dives on Rowan and Jey climbs down for the win at 11:15 for our second big upset of the night.

Rating: C-. It’s nice to see a new team win the match and we get more development in the Bryan storyline. Kane played no role in the match at all but he doesn’t have a connection to anyone in it at the moment. I’m an Usos fan so I have very few complaints here. Not the best match but still good enough.

Post match Bray smiles and Bryan drops to his knees, but this time he shoves Bray away from hitting Sister Abigail. Bray’s eyes get all freaky as Daniel is listening to the fans. Now Bray is looking nervous and offers to let Bryan have a free shot. Daniel isn’t sure what to do so Bray calls him a coward. Bray charges but misses in the corner and Daniel erupts on him with running dropkicks. There are the YES Kicks as Harper and Rowan can’t get past the locked door. Daniel rips off the coveralls and destroys Bray with everything he’s got. One of the loudest YES chants you’ll ever hear sets up the running knee to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show had an energy that it’s been missing for way too long now. The Rumble is starting to take shape which has been missing until tonight. We have a personal reason for Cena and Orton to be fighting and people started talking about winning the Rumble. That’s all you can ask for about one of the last shows before the Rumble and Batista returning will make for a great go home show. As for Bryan, I told you two weeks ago that he wasn’t going to be a Wyatt long and would come out of this looking fine. Why you people don’t listen to me more often is beyond me.

Results

Usos b. Wyatt Family via DQ when Luke Harper and Erick Rowan interfered

John Cena b. Damien Sandow – Attitude Adjustent

Big Show b. Jack Swagger – Chokeslam

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka b. Funkadactyls – Shining Wizard to Cameron

Kofi Kingston b. Randy Orton – SOS

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Ryback/Curtis Axel – Cross Rhodes to Axel

Alberto Del Rio b. Rey Mysterio – Cross armbreaker

Usos b. Wyatt Family – Usos escaped the cage

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Today doesn’t have the best options so you get a double shot: Chris Masters and the Bushwhackers due to Luke’s birthday.

We’ll start with the older of the two. Luke Williams is of course one half of the Bushwhackers who got their start as the bloodthirsty team known as the Sheepherders. Their most famous match was at the 1986 Crockett Cup Tag Team Tournament against the Fantastics, though the full version doesn’t exist on video as far as I know.

Crockett Cup Quarter-Finals: Sheepherders vs. Fantastics

Big brawl to start and the Fantastics clear the ring. Clipped to Butch hammering on Fulton until the Fantastics dropkick everything in sight to send them to the floor. Clipped to Butch hammering on Fulton. I’ve seen this before it seems. Out to the floor for more dropkicking and it turns into a brawl. Fulton is beaten down on the floor and can barely move. Rodgers is ticked off because of it.

Clipped to Luke beating on Fulton but the flag bearer messes up, resulting in Luke going into the flag. There’s the hot tag to Rodgers and Butch is busted open. The cameraman and referee are taken out and now Fulton is busted as well. The flag bearer tries to cheat again and one more time it doesn’t work. The future Wackers get the flag stick in the ring and beat on Fulton with it but as is the case in wrestling, they get beat on with it as well. Another referee comes down to wake up the first and it’s another double DQ. That means the Road Warriors are in the finals as well.

Rating: B. Meltzer gave THIS five stars? It’s a fun brawl and WAY violent for its time, but the clipping must have killed it because this wasn’t a classic or anything resembling one. It’s good and the most fun match on the show so far, but if the full version was 15 minutes, this was the low half of it. My mind continues to be blown by his ratings at times as this is one of the matches better than Savage vs. Steamboat? Really?

The team would stick around the NWA for a few more years before jumping to the WWF, where they were mainly used as a comedy team that feuded with the Rougeau Brothers, including a match at Wrestlemania V.

Bushwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

ALL AMERICAN BOYS BABY! That would be the Rougeau’s theme song and one of the most awesome entrances in company history. Seriously, go Youtube that thing. Jimmy Hart loses his jacket somehow but the Rougeaus save it in a humane act. Not that it matters as the Bushwhackers clear the ring a second later. Luke and Ray start things off and Ray quickly takes him down. I turn my head for a minute and come back to hearing Jesse say “So as far as you’re concerned, tear down the Statue of Liberty?” Like I said, commentary was a bit different back then.

Luke and Butch clear the ring of Rougeaus again before it’s down to Luke and Jacques. Butch tries to interfere for no apparent reason and Luke gets caught in a Boston Crab. In a sequence that has haunted me for years, Ray loads up Luke for a slam and while Luke is upside down, he rubs Ray’s crotch. There’s nothing more to it than that and to this day I don’t know why he did that.

Anyway Ray puts on an abdominal stretch as a fan or two chants USA. In theory that would be for the Rougeaus here who are the All American Boys facing the guys from New Zealand. The Rougeaus prematurely hug and get caught by the Battering Ram and a double gutbuster is good for the pin on Ray out of nowhere.

Rating: D. It’s a comedy match and not a very fun one. This is called a big upset but I don’t really see how you can call it that. It’s not like either team is great or even good here and the Bushwhackers were still brand new here, so presumably they had won most of their matches up to this point. I don’t get it but whatever.

Even though they were a comedy team, the Bushwhackers did get the occasional tag title shot, such as this one against the Nasty Boys at Saturday Night’s Main Event #29.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Bushwhackers

This is the Nastys’ first major defense since winning the belts from the Hart Foundation at Wrestlemania 7. Brian pounds away on Luke in the corner but Luke comes back and scares Knobbs into the corner. Some shoulders in the corner have Luke in trouble but everything breaks down with the Bushwhackers taking over. The Nastys are sent to the floor for some regrouping before we get down to Sags vs. Butch. Sags gets kneed in the chest and a double clothesline gets two as everything breaks down again.

A pair of Battering Rams send the Nastys to the floor and the challengers strut a bit. Things settle down and Luke gets elbowed over and over for two. Butch breaks up a cover and gets a hot tag to clean house on the champions. Knobbs gets two off a clothesline and everything breaks down yet again. We get a botched near fall with Butch being thrown onto Knobbs but Sags is late breaking up the pin. Knobbs double legs Luke and Sags adds a bit of leverage for the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. This was horrible quality but keep in mind that this was a TV special before the idea of top level weekly wrestling became a big deal. The Bushwhackers were as fun of a team as you could ask for and the fans always got into them. It’s not a good match or anything but the crowd liked it.

We’ll wrap up the team with an entry from perhaps the worst show ever: Heroes of Wrestling.

Bushwackersvs. NikolaiVolkoff/IronSheik

I’m calling them the Bushwackers as they’re Luke and Butch, formerly the Bushwackers. There’s some guy with Volkoff but he’s another guy that is imitating a better manager. I’m just not sure who he’s imitating. We get the USA chant going, despite the faces being from New Zealand but this isn’t the smartest crowd in the world.

The manager is dressed up in a Russian military uniform. Oh dear. He speaks English with a so bad it’s funny but the show is so bad it’s not funny accent if that makes sense. Oh and Volkoff is now an Olympian also. We get the Russian National Anthem of course and the Persian clubs which are as old school as possible.

The clubs become Iranian all of a sudden and we’re three minutes into this. Sheik needs to humble someone. It would be more entertaining. We hear about Hogan and Backlund for no reason at all but whatever. That’s my word for this show: whatever. We’re at about 5 minutes of build for this disaster. I guess Bushwackers is a copyrighted term.

Somehow they look better than anyone else. Luke licked my face once. Can we get the tape of the Bushwackers on Family Matters instead of me having to watch this atrocity? Apparently they’ve won tag titles in 26 countries. Well ok then. The heels jump them early to start to further establish that they’re EVIL. Dutch explains the term short end of the stick which has some kind of scale according to him. Please, just take me now.

Sheik gets on the mic and says if they keep chanting USA then he’ll leave. You know what comes next. The announcers argue about cutting each other off. I hate this show quite a bit. They’re really trying to get this whole they’re Heroes thing embedded in. Can we just watch Heroes instead? Just the first season though as it’s by far the best. Sheik is wearing shorts also.

The kicks they’re throwing aren’t even close at all. How much are these guys being paid? I guarantee you it’s too much. After a “slam” Nikolai covers Luke and Butch comes in for the save. He doesn’t need to though as Nikolai reacts to the saving shot before it hits so there we are again.

The camel clutch, which made British Bulldog tap inside of 5 seconds in 1986 is on for 15 seconds before Butch saves. At least I think he saved as we cut to a shot of the manager so for all I know Butch just did the Charleston for awhile and Sheik didn’t like his movement and showed him what to do. Who knows though?

I do however know that the manager raised his right arm. You can hear individual lines from the fans by the way. And I mean individual conversations, not just random screams. ANOTHER foreign object misses and Luke pins Sheik with the fastest count this side of Nick Patrick gets the three. The heels almost fight afterwards but they hug it out.

Rating: G+. That’s below an F-. This was stupid and bad. I think it was a comedy match but I couldn’t tell. They did manage to name the heel team The Iron Curtain though which I can’t believe no one got that before. We’re half done with this and I want to cry. Or die, either one. Getting humbled wouldn’t be bad either. When the Bushwackers are the best workers in there, that’s not saying a lot at all.

Overall the Bushwhackers were perfectly fine for what they were in the WWF: a comedy act to give the kids something fun. Luke even licked my face at a house show once which is one of those things you just don’t forget no matter what. They were the polar opposites as the Sheepherders and got to show more of their talents with the original gimmick.

Moving on to Chris Masters. If there’s ever been a guy only known for one thing, this is it. That’s a shame too as the guy had some actual talent. He would starts in OVW as part of a team with Brent Albright before debuting on Raw doing his Masterlock Challenge. The idea was simple: break his full nelson and get cash. His first major feud was against Shawn Michaels, culminating in a match at Unforgive 2005.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Masters

Masters is undefeated here. Shawn does his in ring entrance but Masters grabs him in the Masterlock (full nelson) before the bell rings. See, why don’t more people get that idea? The bell rings and Shawn counters this time. Shawn takes over and dives to the floor, hitting a bunch of right hands after a plancha connects. Masters is sent into the steps as the idea is he’s shaken up from never being tested before.

Shawn grabs a chair but gets it taken away, allowing Masters to get a shot in to take over. Masters is put into a powerbomb position and rammed back first into the post twice. Back in the ring Masters takes over and drops a leg for two. A delayed vertical gets two. Michaels can’t get anything going because of his back and the power of Masters. Off to a backbreaker but Masters holds Shawn over the knee for a submission attempt.

Shawn tries a crucifix but Masters counters into a full nelson attempt. Instead here’s a torture rack and the referee goes old school by checking the arm. Shawn counters into a sunset flip for two. Masters is bleeding from the nose. Here’s the Masterlock but Shawn goes rudo and kicks Masters low while he’s got the referee distracted. A slugout is won by HBK and there’s the forearm (called the Flying Burrito by JR) followed by the nipup.

The top rope elbow hits and it’s time to stomp the mat loudly to let my opponent know that his finisher is coming. Like clockwork Masters ducks and hooks the Masterlock. Shawn fights to the corner and gets over the top rope somehow, forcing a break. Masters tries the hold again but Shawn escapes and there’s the superkick for the pin. Shawn collapsing after getting the pin is always a nice touch.

Rating: B. Good stuff here as Shawn does his usual stuff but still pulls out a good match. He knew timing, which is what so many wrestlers have no clue about. He knew how to make his comebacks mean stuff and played everything to perfection. Good stuff which you never see from most young guys because it’s not important to learn in the eyes of the trainers today.

Masters would stay near the top of the card and get a world title shot at New Year’s Revolution 2006 inside the Elimination Chamber.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Carlito vs. Chris Masters vs. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane

Naturally it takes forever to get to this match but less time than last year which is at least a plus. Cena of course gets a lot of boos. This wasn’t even the most hated that he would ever get. He starts with Shawn. Cena isn’t ready to do that yet so this is nowhere near what it sounds like. Just 18 minutes between the ending of the last “match” and the bell in this one. The fans are ALL OVER Cena here.

The Chamber really does look awesome to say the least. Cena can sell really well. Kane comes in last due to winning a Beat the Clock Challenge. He’s the odds on favorite. That’s most amusing. In third is Carlito. He means nothing at this point either and no one really knew why he was in this. Nothing at all happens here other than some potential alliances. Finally Angle comes in to wake the crowd up by suplexing the living tar out of everyone in the freaking match.

Styles saying Angle is all impact amuses me. I mean he must throw everyone 4-5 times each. I have never seen anyone wake a match up like Angle did. Shawn is busted after being thrown into one of the cells. Good night Angle throws a pretty suplex. I mean Angle is just completely dominating. He gets the ankle lock on Shawn and then on Carlito. Masters finally comes in for the save. We’ve fought 15 minutes or so at this point and look at how little I’ve had to say.

Masters comes in and takes an ankle lock. Cena makes a save for no apparent reason and goes for the FU but Angle reverses into ANOTHER ankle lock. He’s just on freaking fire tonight. And then Shawn kicks him in the head and pins him. Yeah seriously, that’s how they get rid of him. Give me a freaking break. Ok it’s not that bad but I hate the out of nowhere ones like that.

You can tell they’re just killing time at this point as nothing at all is happening. Kane comes in so they’re all in now. I seriously couldn’t care less. This thing is boring as anything you can think of. After some brief domination, Kane chokeslams everyone but like an idiot never covers them. Carlito and Masters double team him and amazingly…it works. They do a double DDT and then a press slam of Carlito onto Kane.

At this point, it becomes somewhat clear how this is going to end and it gets dumber and dumber every second. Oh I forgot to mention that Shawn is bleeding. The problem with this match: Carlito and Chris Masters are dominating. Still, this is better than the Extreme Elimination Chamber as Shawn and Cena are at least major star power. Four of the six here were legit title guys and Carlito and Masters were solid midcard heels at the time, so it’s forgivable.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s freaking dumb and it’s bad, but it could be worse. The other four being awesome balances it out a lot. Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music on Cena and Carlito hits a rolling cutter (Cody Rhodes’ finisher) on Shawn to pin him. Yes, the final three are Carlito, Masters and Cena. This is freaking stupid. No one bought Cena losing for a second.

I was reading WZ and was on AIM at the same time with a girl I knew who was a Cena fan and was telling her what was going on. She went to bed at this point as it was obvious to even her, a mark, that this was ending with Cena winning. The fans are now cheering for Cena as they see the alternatives. That’s rather funny. So they double team him for about 5 minutes until the Masterlock is put on. Carlito low blows Masters and rolls him up before getting rolled up by Cena to win the match.

Rating: D. Seriously, Masters and Carlito? This is short because literally the second the match ends, Vince’s music starts playing and it becomes clear what’s going on and why the Chamber sucking means nothing, so I won’t bother going into detail on it.

Masters’ career would take a sharp downturn after this as he would be stuck in the midcard until being released at the end of 2007. He would move on to various international tours before coming back to WWE in 2009. Here’s a random match against January 18, 2010 against Randy Orton.

Chris Masters vs. Randy Orton

Masters has the always gorgeous Eve Torres with him here. The bell rings and we immediately get Sheamus, Orton’s opponent at the upcoming Royal Rumble. Masters hits a quick shoulder but can’t get the Master Lock. A scoop slam gets two for Chris but he walks into the backbreaker for no cover. The RKO is countered into the Master Lock but Orton eventually makes a rope. In an awkward looking ending, Masters leans forward to grab the hold again but Orton just puts on the RKO for the pin.

Masters wouldn’t do much in WWE after this as he would be stuck on Superstars for the most part. He would be released a year or so later and get back to the indies.

Overall Chris Masters is a guy who was a victim of the current WWE creative process. He clearly has talent but he was given one of the least creative gimmicks possible and when it didn’t get over, his push stopped cold. That’s the opposite of how pushes used to work; back in the day you would keep switching gimmicks until you found what worked because the talent was there. Now it’s the writers who have all the ideas and if you don’t get over, it’s off to Superstars with you. That’s a shame too as Masters had potential.

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Smackdown
Date: January 10, 2014
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

There isn’t much to talk about coming into this show. Monday was Old School Raw and the biggest story to come out of that was the surprising return of Jake Roberts who looked better than he has in years. Talk has turned to the Rumble though as we’re now just over two weeks away. Things can start to get very interesting very fast around this time so hopefully the pace picks up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Wyatt Family promo and Bray talking about Daniel being lost and needing his guidance.

Usos vs. Wyatt Family

It’s Harper and Rowan with no Daniel or Bray in sight. Harper overpowers Jimmy to start by driving him into the corner, only to have Jey make a blind tag and sneak in with a kick to Harper’s ribs. That’s all good with Luke as he takes Jey down with ease before bringing in Rowan who gets kicked in the chest to change control again. Rowan runs him over with a shoulder and puts Jey on the corner for forearms to the chest from both monsters.

Erick stays on Jey but gets kicked in the head, knocking him back into the corner for a tag back to Harper. Luke kicks Jimmy off the apron to break up a tag before it’s back to Rowan for some face pulling. Jey tries to fight back but gets caught in a fallaway slam for no cover. Harper comes back in and breaks up another tag attempt with a shot to the ribs and another to the jaw.

A catapult sends Jey throat first into the middle rope and we hit the Gator Roll. Back to Rowan for the fist head squeeze until Jey fights out with a jawbreaker and Whisper in the Wind. Harper and Jimmy come in off the hot tags with Jimmy speeding things up but not moving as quickly as he usually does.

A Samoan drop puts Harper down but Jimmy has to superkick Rowan, only to walk into a Michinoku Driver from Harper. Everything breaks down and Jimmy rolls Luke up for two. Harper is sent to the floor so Jimmy can hit a big dive to put everyone down. Rowan runs Jey over as Harper comes back with the discus lariat, leading to the double countout at 9:45.

Rating: C+. The match was entertaining but we’re getting very close to the maximum amount of times these teams (or Usos vs. Shield) can happen with the fans still caring. It’s been the same match over and over for months now and it’s losing its interest every week. It also doesn’t help that the Usos have been in the same spot in the division for months now with wins and losses meaning nothing for them.

Post match the Wyatts get ready to destroy Jey but Jimmy makes the save and gets them out of there. They get up the ramp but Bryan and Wyatt jump them from behind and it’s a 4-2 beatdown. There’s the running knee to Jey and Bryan stares at the announcers with his tongue out. Jimmy gets Sister Abigail and all four Wyatts pose. For some reason this was on a wider camera shot.

Randy Orton comes into Vickie’s office and demands to see HHH and Stephanie but they’re not here tonight. Randy is in a match tonight but hasn’t been consulted like he’s supposed to be. Vickie loads up the Best for Business line but Orton doesn’t want to hear it. He’s going to give the Authority a piece of his mind on Raw because it’s best for Randy Orton.

It’s MizTV with special guest the Big Show. Before Show comes out we look at Lesnar breaking Mark Henry’s arm on Monday before Big Show came out and threw Lesnar around. Miz recaps the story again and asks Big Show why he did what he did. Big Show puts it simply: he doesn’t like Brock Lesnar and never has. He’s not happy that Brock Lesnar is back and doesn’t like it when everyone who stands up to Brock Lesnar is left laying.

Big Show challenges Lesnar to a fight and here’s Heyman to answer. Heyman calls Lesnar the Ultimate Fighter of WWE and asks if Big Show wants to fight Brock right now. Big Show is ready and Heyman does his always great fake out, saying Brock will fight when Heyman says so. Heyman throws out an offer for a match at the Royal Rumble and says Brock will not be a hard man to find before then.

Batista is still coming.

Video on the Network announcement. I drool more every time I hear the details.

Ryback/Curtis Axel/Real Americans vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Los Matadores

Diego sends Axel into the corner but Axel knees him in the ribs and takes over. They run the ropes until Diego stops to shout OLE! Axel sends him into the corner for something like Ultimo Dragon’s headstand until Diego takes him down with a headscissors. Off to Fernando who gets taken into the corner for the tag to Cesaro. Fernando nips up off the mat into a headscissors and it’s back to Diego to chop Swagger in the head.

Axel comes in immediately and gets dropkicked by Sin Cara, sending him into the corner for a tag off to Ryback. A few dropkicks have Ryback in trouble but he bails to the floor before Rey can hit the 619. The good guys are in control as we go to a break. Back with Swagger driving a knee into Rey’s ribs and elbowing him in the face.

The Vader Bomb hits feet and Rey kicks him in the head for two as everything breaks down. Torito dives on Axel as Rey rolls out of the Patriot Lock but the 619 is caught, only to have Cara break up the pin. Sin and Axel take each other out to the floor, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and Drop the Dime for the pin on Jack at 4:40 shown of 8:10.

Rating: C. I guess they have to put all the Hispanic guys together since they put all their dancing black people together. We’re just an Aces and 8’s invasion away from GANG WARS 2! This took some time to get going but the ending was very fun. Sin Cara looks like he has some potential….which is why Del Rio beat him in two minutes on Raw I guess.

Video on Cena vs. Orton.

Randy Orton vs. Big E. Langston

Non-title of course. Langston takes him down with a shoulder block but Orton rolls to the floor before a cover. Back in and a headlock sets up another shoulder block sends Orton to the floor again. Orton comes in again and punches Big E. down, only to walk into a headbutt for two. Langston sends Orton to the mat with a single right hand to the ribs before slapping on an armbar.

Orton fights up again and pounds on Big E., only to get caught in a backbreaker. A second backbreaker gets two and Langston is getting in a zone. Randy escapes the Big Ending and bails to the floor as we take a break. Back with the chinlock until Big E. powers out, only to get kneed in the ribs for two. Back to the chinlock but Big E. fights up again.

The comeback is short lived again though as Orton sends him through the ropes to the floor. Langston is sent into the steps twice in a row for two before we hit the chinlock again. Big E. fights up one more time and runs Orton over twice in a row, followed by a belly to belly suplex. The Warrior Splash gets two but Orton hits his backbreaker to get a breather. The RKO is countered with a splash in the corner but Orton pokes Big E. in the eye, setting up the RKO for the pin at 14:28.

Rating; C+. I missed pokes to the eyes. They’re such a simple heel move but they can be just what you need to get a heel through an ending. This match worked for the most part but it could have had a few minutes of chinlocks taken out. It’s good that Langston gets to look like he can hang in there against top guys. There’s a future there if he’s used properly.

Bray Wyatt talks about fate being a dangerous beast. She tears you apart with her teeth while tearing you apart with her eyes. Bray wants to know if he cuts an Uso, will the other bleed? He asks about the lies of the world, making Daniel scream LIE. Daniel rants about the lies of the world making him want to ram his head into a wall until he breaks something.

Xavier Woods vs. Fandango

This is a result of Fandango interrupting and costing Truth and Woods a match on Main Event. Truth joins commentary and says he and JBL are down like four flat tires. Woods takes him down with a headlock to start but Fandango sends him out to the floor. Xavier slingshots back into a rollup for the pin at 1:25. It’s as fast as it sounds.

Post match Summer Rae goes into the ring to yell but the Funkadactyls take care of her. Truth beats up Fandango for fun.

The Usos promises to show the Wyatts pain on Monday.

The Raw ReBound recaps most of the show.

Shield comes to the ring for the main event. Reigns declares himself the new best in the world after pinning Punk on Raw. Ambrose says there’s no reason for someone to own a ten foot python and it gave him nightmares. He goes into a rant about choking the snake but Rollins takes the mic and says tonight is about the future, meaning it’s not about the New Age Outlaws. They’ll break Punk like they always do because they are the future.

Shield vs. CM Punk/New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws haven’t wrestled on Smackdown in nearly 13 years. Naturally the Philadelphia fans are WAY into Punk. Ambrose and Punk get things going with Dean headlocking Punk to the mat, only to get caught in a headscissors. Off to Road Dogg who works on the arm for a few seconds before handing it off to Billy for more cranking. Cole screws up history by saying the Outlaws debuted as part of DX as Billy puts Rollins in an armbar. The Outlaws take turns on the armfor a bit before Punk comes in with a top rope elbow to the arm.

Seth gets in a shot to the jaw and tags in Ambrose, only to have Punk take him down into an Indian Deathlock. Punk misses the high kick and Dean bails to the floor as everything breaks down. Shield is sent to the floor to regroup as we take a break. Back with Ambrose working over Road Dogg until Roadie comes back with the shaky right hands. Rollins comes back in with a knee to the head for two before it’s back to Reigns for some corner stomping. Back to Ambrose who does the Road Dogg arm wiggle, only to have Road punch him in the face.

Ambrose will have none of this selling for old guys and knees Dogg in the ribs before tagging off to Rollins for a chinlock. Road Dogg is taken back into the corner for more triple teaming before Reigns comes back in for a chinlock. Reigns lets him go and ducks his head, allowing Road Dogg to put him down with a DDT. Ambrose can’t break up the hot tag attempt and it’s Punk in to clean house.

CM hits his usual stuff on Ambrose but can’t get the GTS. Both guys hit cross bodies to put each other down and it’s a double tag to bring in Billy vs. Roman. Everything breaks down with Gunn cleaning house and getting two off a Jackhammer to Rollins. Punk hits a suicide dive to take out Seth but Billy takes too long setting up the Fameasser, allowing Reigns to spear him down for the pin at 14:25.

Rating: C-. This feud has lost its way. Punk beat Shield on his own, so why should I want to see him fight them with a variety of partners? I have no problem with the Outlaws getting a match on Smackdown as they still looked fine out there. They were never my favorite team though and it’s not like they were known for their in ring work in the first place. The match wasn’t bad but it was little more than fine.

Overall Rating: D+. I remember reading something like same Smackdown, different week and that’s about as accurate as it gets. There’s just nothing on these shows that you need to see and we’re not even getting a great match every week anymore. The show is back to being a supplement to Raw and that’s not something I need when Raw is as bloated as it is.

Results

Wyatt Family vs. Usos went to a double countout

Rey Mysterio/Los Matadores/Sin Cara b. Real Americans/Ryback/Curtis Axel

Randy Orton b. Big E. Langston – RKO

Xavier Woods b. Fandango – Rollup

Shield b. CM Punk/New Age Outlaws – Spear to Gunn

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 6, 2014
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s a special show tonight as Raw goes Old School. This has been a very entertaining show in the past but you never can tell what they’re going to be anymore. WWE can be so hit or miss with their nostalgia shows so it could go in any of several directions. The main storyline coming into tonight is Daniel Bryan debuting as part of the Wyatt Family after giving in and joining the group last night. Let’s get to it.

There’s some distressing breaking news coming into the show: Jerry Lawler was sent to the hospital with chest pains. It appears that he’s ok but he won’t be doing commentary tonight.

The set is made of the big red RAW letters, we have the blue posts and steps, the old graphics and the gray metal barricade.

Here’s Ric Flair to open the show. He says his catchphrases and promises to style and profile tonight but is interrupted by Randy Orton. The champion says he has nothing but respect for Flair for giving him his big break but tonight is all about Orton. Randy is sure Flair sees him as the biggest star of all time but he asks Ric to step aside because Orton has something to get off his chest.

Orton talks about Stephanie making the rematch with Cena last week and is upset that he wasn’t consulted about this. Since when did the business start making decisions based on what the fans wanted? Flair thinks Orton isn’t the man but rather just crying over having to wrestle a rematch. Back in Flair’s day the champion would wrestle seven nights a week because that’s what a champion does.

Randy says Flair always had someone watching his back all those years, which is why he’s the most overrated star in history. Ric doesn’t leave because Orton is going to listen to what he has to say. Orton needs to be a man instead of the coward he’s been since he got to the WWE. The champ is about to go off but here’s Cena to hug Flair. Cena says Orton sinks to a new low every time he opens his mouth by blaming his problems on Ric Flair. This is Ric Flair, a 16 time world champion, meaning Orton isn’t even in his league. If Orton wants to fight Cena is ready right now but Randy bails to the floor.

Cole and JBL give us an update on Lawler, saying his heart is fine. You can get updates on his health on the WWE App. Seriously?

We recap Daniel Bryan and the Wyatts last week.

Here are the Wyatts with Daniel for the first time. Bray holds up the lantern and Bryan stares him down in the dark, wearing blue coveralls ala Rowan. His face looks very defeated but stoic for lack of better terms.

Wyatt Family vs. Usos/Rey Mysterious

The referee has the old blue shirt and bowtie. Harper runs into a kick to the ribs from Jey to start but takes him down with a shoulder block. Bryan gets a tag for the first time to face Mysterio who says this isn’t the real Daniel. Bryan hits a hard forearm and knees to Rey’s ribs to take over. Rey counters a rollup attempt and sends Daniel to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Jey fighting back on Rowan but walking into a fallaway slam. The WWE App shows us Mysterio hitting his sliding splash and the stereo Uso dives because why would we air those on the broadcast? Bryan comes back in for some hard kicks to Jey before tagging out to Erick. Jey avoids a charge in the corner and hits a sweet superkick to take the monster down. Hot tag brings in Mysterio for a seated senton and the 619 but Jimmy misses the Superfly Splash. Bryan tags himself in but Harper does the same with a glare to Daniel. Luke knocks Rey off the apron…and gets rolled up by Jimmy for the pin at 8:37.

Rating: D+. This was for the storyline instead of the match and that’s fine in this case. In theory Bryan will be subjected to further brainwashing and reprimands for not having the right chemistry. I’m glad the usos have found a niche for themselves in matches like these and they fit the roles perfectly.

Batista will be in the Rumble.

Due to bad refereeing last week in the Khali vs. Sandow match, we’re getting a rematch with the fans picking a guest referee: Arn Anderson, Bob Backlund or Sgt. Slaughter. The legends leave and Kane comes in for a LONG speech basically threatening Maddox to stop badmouthing him or the monster will return.

Big E. Langston walks through the back and sees Nikolai Volkoff singing the Russian national anthem, Ted DiBiase laughing and IRS telling him to pay his taxes. There are your pointless cameos for the hour.

Big E. Langston vs. Curtis Axel

Ryback is on commentary. Non-title in case you didn’t get enough of the domination on Smackdown. Langston starts with some quick backbreakers but misses a charge into the post. Cole asks Ryback where the name Rybaxel came from because he’s that much of a dolt. Axel armdrags and dropkicks Langston before sending him to the floor. Back in and Big E. shrugs everything off and finishes Axel with the Big Ending at 2:45. This was nothing.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit. Piper doesn’t get to say much before his guests, the Shield, gets to interrupt. Ambrose: “Who gave this old man a live microphone?” Dean says it’s a good thing they weren’t around when Piper was in his prime or he wouldn’t have made it to 112 years old. Piper says he took the mic because he wanted it and says this is Piper’s Pit rather than Ambrose’s Alley. Piper may have taken a few hits to the head but there’s only one man that can match him on the microphone: CM Punk.

Ambrose gets in Piper’s face again but Rollins interrupts. Seth says he appreciates what Hot Rod is trying to do but it’s not 1985 anymore. Piper is just jealous because Ambrose is a better US Champion than Piper ever was. Roddy says he knows three things for sure: Rollins can’t beat Punk one on one, Ambrose can’t beat Punk one on one, but if Reigns can beat Punk tonight, doesn’t that make him better than his teammates?

Aren’t Ambrose and Rollins holding Reigns back? We get a REIGNS chant before Roman says he’ll beat Punk tonight and gets in Piper’s face. Shield surrounds Piper but Punk and the New Age Outlaws of all people come out for the save. Shield bails and Ambrose leaves the US Title behind so Piper puts it on his shoulder.

We recap Lesnar returning and throwing Mark Henry around like a paper doll last week.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio starts aggressively but gets caught in a quick crucifix for one. A few more rollups get two for Cara but Del Rio comes back with a stomp in the corner to take over. The announcers are too busy bragging about Raw airing in Japan tonight as Del Rio puts on a chinlock. Back up and Cara’s tornado DDT is countered but the Tajiri Elbow gets one. Cara goes to the apron and hits the enziguri but misses the Swanton, allowing Del Rio to hit the low superkick for the pin at 2:24.

Post match Del Rio says he’s tired of hearing about Batista so he’s going to throw him out of the Rumble.

In the back, Daniel tells the Wyatts that he came to the Family to try to learn. He was a tag team champion with guy a guy the size of Rowan and Harper and wants to contribute. He offers to team with either Harper or Rowan next week but instead will get to team with Bray himself.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Real Americans

Goldust and Swagger get us going with Goldie doing the big deep breath. An atomic drop sends Swagger over to the corner for a tag to Cesaro who gets caught in a double front suplex for one. Cody skins the cat to come back in with a right hand before it’s time to work on the arm. Cesaro takes Goldust down to switch momentum before bringing in Swagger for a double back elbow. Back to Cesaro for the standing chinlock but Goldust bring in Cody with the springboard missile dropkick for two.

The sunset flip out of the corner gets two on Antonio but Cody has to take Swagger down with a Disaster Kick, allowing Cesaro to get in a cheap shot as we take a break. Back with the Real Americans still in control, though apparently the Cesaro Swing was shown on the WWE App. Great to know that we have to sit through a match without big spots so WWE can get people to download their latest project.

Cody backdrops Swagger to the floor but Antonio knocks Goldust to the floor. Rhodes gets to the corner but there’s no one to tag, allowing Swagger to counter the disaster Kick into the Patriot Lock. Goldust FINALLY comes back in for the save and gets the hot tag to clean house. A spinning cross body takes Swagger down and Cesaro is low bridged to the floor, allowing Goldust to hit the Final Cut for the pin at 11:40.

Rating: C. The match was decent enough but I’m not sure where they’re going to find good challengers to take out Goldust and Cody. The problem is the champions have taken out every team so far but thankfully they’ve had good matches nearly every time. It’s a very entertaining runs but I’m not sure where they can go to eventually move the belts.

Booker T runs into Diamond Dallas Page in the back and we plug Page’s yoga program. The payoff is Ron Simmons for his signature catchphrase.

Damien Sandow vs. Great Khali

The guest referee is Sgt. Slaughter with 55% of the vote. Khali has Runjin Singh back with him tonight. No word on if Sandow quits if he loses here. Khali stomps away in the corner and hits some loud chops but Damien runs away from the big one to the head. Now it’s Damien stomping in the corner but runs into a big boot. The huge chop is enough to pin Sandow at 1:25, even though Sandow’s foot was on the ropes before one.

Damien yells and gets put in the Cobra Clutch post match. Slaughter dances with Khali and Singh in a goofy moment.

Here are Lesnar and Heyman with something to say. Heyman talks about how Lesnar doesn’t like the concept of Old School Raw. Old School Raw isn’t having a bunch of legends come out for one last hurrah and then leave after doing nothing. Brock wants Old School to mean the champion coming out here and standing supreme while everyone came out to challenge him. That’s what people like Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin did in their prime, and that’s how it should be today since there’s only one world champion.

After the Royal Rumble there will only be one man and it doesn’t matter if it’s John Cena or Randy Orton. You can put the date on the back of their neck because their time as champion is short. Brock Lesnar is coming for either one of them because he’s the best athlete in the world today. There is no one in wrestling, MMA or any professional sport that can compare to Lesnar and last week was proof of that.

The World’s Strongest Man Mark Henry, an Olympian, came at Lesnar with no warning and Brock destroyed him with ease. Heyman reads Brock’s new catchphrase off his shirt: Eat, sleep, conquer, repeat, over and over until Mark Henry comes out for the showdown. Mark is wincing but gets in some right hands to Brock. Lesnar shrugs them off and puts on the kimura to break Henry’s arm.

Brock goes to leave but Big Show comes out for a staredown. Lesnar slowly backpedals towards the ring and tells Big Show to bring it. Big Show is all serious here as he gets up to the apron. Brock is all bring it on but runs to the floor instead of having the showdown like a good heel is supposed to. Heyman offers a distraction and Lesnar gets in, only to be LAUNCHED across the ring and out to the floor.

We recap the opening segment.

Bella Twins vs. Aksana/Alicia Fox

Nikki works on an armbar on Fox to start before sending her to the apron with a backbreaker. Fox flips out of something resembling a snapmare before getting sent to the floor with a monkey flip. Nikki is sent to the floor and comes up holding her shin, only to have Alicia start working on it. My goodness it’s psychology in a Divas match. Aksana comes in to stay on the leg until Nikki fights up for a tag to Brie. House is cleaned but Brie misses her middle rope dropkick, giving Aksana the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. The girls all look good in their outfits. I think you can figure out my thoughts on the match on your own.

3MB vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

This is as obvious of a match as you can get. Grandmaster and Jinder get things going with Grandmaster scoring with a quick dropkick. Off to Scotty who is still in good shape but gets punched down by McIntyre. Drew misses a charge in the corner and the bulldog sets up the WORM. Slater robs us of our gratification though and 3MB takes over again. The announcers spend the entire match arguing over whether Too Cool can be called the Hip Hop Twins, thereby making the whole thing about them instead of the legends.

Scotty clotheslines McIntyre down and makes the hot tag to Rikishi who looks incredibly slow. He does manage a superkick to Mahal for two but Slater makes the save. Rikishi clotheslines two Band members down and the Hip Hop Drop takes out McIntyre. Mahal tries a sunset flip on Rikishi but gets sat on for the pin at 5:24.

Rating: D+. The match sucked and the commentary was annoying, but this is exactly what modern nostalgia should be about. Too Cool is an act that’s old enough for people to reminisce but not old enough that they embarrass themselves in the ring. Nobody is hurt, the fans get to have a fun moment and everybody wins. Good stuff.

We get one more big legends segment with everyone mentioned tonight plus Godfather. All of them get introduced to the crowd but Bad News Barrett interrupts. Everyone has a good time but Bad News Barrett interrupts. This should be a momentous occasion but there’s some bad news. Flea markets are in a frenzy today because all of these old guys aren’t there to sign 25 year old photos for seven people. Barrett will take great pleasure in forgetting all of their names as soon as they leave the arena, just like all of the fans.

Randy Orton vs. Big E. Langston on Smackdown.

Before the main event here’s Gene Okerlund to shill a hotline for $5.95 a minute and kids don’t need their parents’ permission. He brings out the New Age Outlaws who don’t want him to tell a story about the three of them, a clown and farm animals. The Outlaws head to the ring and do their catchphrases before doing the introductions for the main event.

Roman Reigns vs. CM Punk

Feeling out process to start with Punk taking him down into a headlock. The Outlaws are sticking around at ringside. Reigns comes back with a shoulder block and we take a break. Back with Reigns knocking Punk off the apron and into the barricade. Reigns brings him back inside for some shots to the head and a body vice. A headbutt puts Reigns down again but he comes back with a cross body, only to hurt his ribs even more.

We hit the bearhug from Roman before he shifts it around to a body vice. Punk tries to escape but Reigns suplexes him down, only to miss the Superman Punch and get kicked in the head. More kicks have Reigns in trouble and Punk drops him with some ax handles and a neckbreaker for two. The running knee in the corner gets two more but Reigns breaks up the Macho Elbow.

Punk breaks up a superplex attempt and drops the elbow (to Ambrose according to Cole) for no cover. The Outlaws and Shield get into it on the floor and Punk dives out to take care of Rollins, only to dive into the Superman Punch for two. The spear hits the middle buckle and Punk gets a VERY close two off a rollup. Punk snaps off a high kick for two more but Reigns escapes the GTS. Another Ambrose distraction lets Reigns spear Punk in half for the pin at 16:14.

Rating: B. This took time to get going but the near falls at the end were all great stuff. They’re pushing Reigns to the moon and it continues to show how annoying these start and stop pushes can be. Look what happens when you push guys like Reigns and Langston to the moon without having them trade wins against midcarders for a change. It’s like people get behind monsters who clean house or something.

Post match Shield poses but JAKE ROBERTS comes out. Punk picks up Ambrose for a GTS but gives him an airplane spin first. Jake looks better than I’ve seen him in years. Ambrose gets the snake treatment for old times’ sake.

Overall Rating: D+. The D in this case is for disappointing. This show has potential every year but most of the time it turns into a regular Raw with a few frills to pay lip service to the theme of the night. Look at all the completely meaningless cameos and time spent on regular stuff instead of the legends. There was one match all night featuring the legends and it was the most enjoyable thing all night.

With six weeks between TLC and the Rumble, it’s ok to spend a week on something fun instead of plugging your App and whatever other nonsense they’ve got going on at the moment. This felt like any given Raw with a few extra moments put in. I wanted to love this show a lot but instead it became dull really fast and I kept forgetting it was a special at all. That’s not bad but it’s very disappointing which is even worse.

Results

Usos/Rey Mysterio b. Wyatt Family – Rollup to Harper

Big E. Langston b. Curtis Axel – Big Ending

Alberto Del Rio b. Sin Cara – Superkick

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Real Americans – Final Cut to Swagger

Great Khali b. Damien Sandow – Chop to the head

Aksana/Alicia Fox b. Bella Twins – Aksana pinned Brie after a missed missile dropkick

Too Cool/Rikishi b. 3MB – Seated senton to Mahal

Roman Reigns b. CM Punk – Spear

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I’m already having to stretch with this one as there’s no one video of anyone born on January 2. Therefore, today’s wrestlers are going to be the hottest second generation acts at the moment: Goldust and Cody Rhodes. We’ll start with the elder of the pair.

Goldust is the more famous incarnation of Dustin Rhodes who made his national debut for all intents and purposes at the 1991 Royal Rumble, joining his father Dusty in a tag match against Ted DiBiase and Virgil.

Ted Dibiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Dustin is BRAND new here as this is his first WWF match. It’s also Dusty’s last in the WWF/E for over fifteen years. This is the blowoff to DiBiase vs. Dusty which started at Summerslam with Ted buying Sapphire and taking her from Dusty. Sapphire left soon afterwards because she didn’t want to be away from Dusty. Anyway the Rhodes Family takes over to start with elbows a go-go, sending the heels to a huddle on the floor.

Dustin, only 21 here, starts with Virgil who barely ever wrestled at this point. I mean it was like once every year or two. Dustin hits a clothesline and a dropkick to send Virgil (the real name of Dusty for you trivia geeks) to the floor as DiBiase is getting frustrated. Another clothesline puts Virgil on the floor again and Ted yells a lot. Off to DiBiase to backdrop the young gun but a second attempt results in a face jam.

The Rhodes dudes hammer DiBiase back and forth with elbows to send him to the floor as well. Here’s Big Dust who puts on a sleeper but Virgil breaks it up. Back to Dustin for a dropkick for two, but a charging knee at Virgil misses to put Dustin down. Virgil stays on the knee and wraps it around the post, as does his boss. The heels try some double teaming, but Virgil accidentally clotheslines DiBiase. Ted beats the tar out of him, allowing Dustin to tag his dad. Said dad is rolled up for the pin almost immediately by DiBiase.

Rating: D+. Another dull match here but it was almost all for the ending and post match stuff. Like I said, the Rhodes guys were on their way out so they didn’t have a chance at all in this one. Dusty stopped meaning anything months before this and it was the right move to go back to WCW for him where he could do what he wanted and book as well.

That was it for the Rhodes Family in the WWF as they moved back to WCW almost immediately. Dustin would get a lot better over time and become known as the Natural. He would win the US Title in 1993 and defend it against Steve Austin at Starrcade 1993.

US Title: Steve Austin vs. Dustin Rhodes

“The Natural” Rhodes is defending but Austin is rapidly becoming the character that would make him the legend that he was destined to be. He also has Colonel Robert Parker as his manager and this is 2/3 falls. Jesse entertains himself by making fun of the Hooters girl (“You can’t call her the Natural.”) as they fight on the mat for basic control. The champion puts on a headscissors but Austin quickly makes a rope. An elbow to the head puts Austin on the floor and we take a breather.

Rhodes pounds in knees to Steve’s arm but Austin rolls right back to the floor. Back in again with Dustin taking him down to the mat with a headlock. Austin fights up and kicks him in the ribs, only to be caught in a backslide for two. Austin bails right back to the floor as the match stops all over again. This time though Austin pulls him to the mat and hits an elbow on Dustin’s chest to take over.

Now Rhodes knocks Austin into the crowd before heading back inside. Steve looks very frustrated and a big right hand frustrates him even more. Back to the headlock because we haven’t spent enough time in that hold yet. Austin escapes and drops some knees, only to be popped in the jaw again. Rhodes is thrown to the floor but he comes back in with a sunset flip for two. A belly to back suplex puts the champion down and Austin gets a lazy two.

They ram heads and yet again we lay around. This has been another dull match in a series of them tonight. Back up and Rhodes hits an elbow to the head but Austin falls on top during a slam attempt, getting another near fall. Austin misses a middle rope knee drop and Dustin connects with a lariat. A powerslam gets two as Parker is up on the apron. Dustin throws Austin int Parker but Steve goes over the top, giving him the first fall in a DQ.

Austin is busted open and Parker has to be taken to the back after being attacked by Dustin. The second fall starts and there go the lights. Thankfully we have a spotlight ready as Dustin hits a suplex for no cover. They head to the corner with Rhodes pounding away and the lights are back. In a quick ending, Austin shoves him off the ropes and grabs the trunks for the pin, the second fall, and the title.

Rating: D. I’m getting tired of these lame matches. Austin and Rhodes are WAY too talented to have such a bad match, but the majority of this match was spent doing very basic stuff which had no excitement to it at all. There’s nothing to see here at all, as is the case with all of the matches so far tonight.

Dustin would eventually jump to the WWF again and would undergo one of the most radical changes in history. Instead of being the Natural, he would become a man in a gold suit with gold hair and covered in gold paint named Goldust. He was obsessed with the movies and quoted film nonstop. After doing little of note for a few months, he would challenge Razor Ramon for the Intercontinental Title at Royal Rumble 1996.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Goldust. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldie gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. He fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlent distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Goldust would stick around for years to come but would mainly be a midcarder who was strange in name only. We’re going to skip ahead to December of 2002 when Goldust was part of a very funny tag team with Booker T. This is from Armageddon 2002 in a four way tag team title match with Booker T/Goldust as one set of challengers.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Booker T/Goldust vs. Lance Storm/William Regal

The Canadians are champions and this is under elimination rules. The Dudleys are only 15 time tag champions here. They’re also recently reunited, having gotten back together at Survivor Series. The Dudleys and Unamericans (Regal/Storm) were pre-determined to start the match in a four way coin toss somehow. Storm and Bubba get us going here with Storm hammering away.

Ray channels the POWER OF AMERICA and beats down Storm with a corner splash and it’s off to Christian vs. D-Von. We get a rundown of the city structure of Dudleyville as Regal comes in now. Goldust vs. the British dude with the British dude hitting a suplex for no cover. Christian tagged himself in, ticking Regal off. Is there a reason why you would want to come in? I’d chill on the apron until it’s down to two teams.

Jericho comes in and is sent right back out again by Goldie. Back in Jericho reminds Goldust that he’s THE KING OF THE WORLD and it’s off to Christian as Goldie is in trouble. What’s Up to Christian as some Dudleys are here in case you didn’t get that one. Everything breaks down and we have Christian vs. D-Von left in the ring. 3D to Christian but Regal got a blind tag. After a weird confusion, Regal gets two on Ray (illegal man) but it’s called a pin anyway. Five seconds later Goldust gets a powerslam (seriously?) to Regal to get us down to two teams. That was an incredibly confusing sequence.

Ok so it’s Christian/Jericho vs. Booker/Goldust. The good guys (Booker/Goldust) hammer on Jericho with Booker being legal. Hook kick gets two for Booker and it’s off to the armbar. Christian is down on the floor I guess. Maybe he’s off finding a good deal on Turtle Wax. Either way he’s not in the corner but he pops up in time to break up a pin attempt on Jericho.

Off to Christian who avoids a forearm, sending Goldust to the floor. Jericho gets a British flag to Goldust’s back to take over again. Back in Christian gets an abdominal stretch and a chant saying he sucks. Jericho comes in and goes down quickly but Christian makes a nice save to break up the tag. I would have thought that would have worked. In a surprising moment, Goldust wakes up and beats the champions down with ease. Ross calls a chokeslam (kind of) a sidewalk slam. Ok then.

Off to Booker who gets the Jack Brisco sunset flip out of the corner for two. He hammers on Jericho but the falling sleeper (looked awful) takes down Booker for two. Here come the Walls but Jericho gets rolled up for two. Axe kick misses and there are the Walls. Goldie pops up out of nowhere and hits a bulldog to take Jericho down.

A belt shot by Christian doesn’t work and a missile dropkick gets two on Jericho. Lionsault misses so Booker stops for the Spinarooni. Axe kick gets two and everything breaks down again. Belt shot and Lionsault get two on Booker and Jericho is ticked. So ticked that he walks into the Bookend and we’re done with new comedic champions.

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match here as they sped through the first two eliminations so we could get to the two top teams. Goldie and Booker were funny but they lost the titles in like three weeks to the Unamericans. They knew how to have a fast paced tag match out there and the whole thing worked rather well. This was somehow almost 17 minutes long and it feels like about seven, which is a great thing.

The new champions would lose the titles a month later and Goldust would become little more than a jobber. He went to TNA for a few years and was a monster named Black Reign before pretty much fading away. Finally in 2013 he was brought back as part of a storyline war between the Rhodes and McMahon families, culminating in a tag match at Battleground where he teamed with his brother Cody against the Shield for the Rhodes Family’s jobs.

Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Seth Rollins/Roman Reigns

If the Rhodes Family wins, they get their jobs back. If Shield wins, Cody and Goldust are gone forever and Dusty loses his job too. This is also non-title. Dusty is at ringside to counter act Dean Ambrose and Goldust looks like Darth Maul. Cody pounds away on Seth to start and it’s quickly off to Roman who gets pounded down in the corner. Shield bails to the floor and stalks Dusty, setting up a cool looking six man standoff with the brothers protecting their dad.

Back in and Roman knees Cody down as the champions take over. Seth comes in but walks into an elbow to the jaw and a stomping in the corner. Rollins sends him into the buckle to escape and it’s off to Roman for some power. After an easy pounding it’s quickly back to Rollins to crank on the shoulder a bit. Cody gets caught in the Tree of Woe but frees up a leg to kick Seth down. The moonsault press hits Rollins perfectly and the hot tag brings in Goldust.

An atomic drop slows Reigns down and Goldust pounds him down in the corner. Goldust hits a spinning cross body off the top for two but misses a regular cross body, sending him out to the floor. Goldie dives back in at nine but gets caught in a body scissors from Rollins. Back to Reigns for a good looking clothesline for two before it’s back to Rollins who gets the same off a hilo. Goldust comes back by avoiding a dropkick and powerslamming Seth down.
There’s the hot tag off to Cody for an Alabama Slam to Rollins for a very near fall. Something like a Muscle Buster gets two on Rollins and everything breaks down. The Disaster Kick staggers Reigns and Cody clotheslines him to the floor but an Ambrose distraction allows Seth to come back in for the save. Dusty elbows Ambrose down and Seth rolls up Cody for two. Rhodes comes pops back up and hits Cross Rhodes for the pin at 13:55.

Rating: B. This was ALL about emotion coming in but the match was good stuff on top of that. Again, this match worked because we were given a reason to care about the underdogs and wanted to see them win instead of being told we wanted to see them win. That’s how you make a good story and it worked perfectly well here.

That brings us to Cody Rhodes, who is far different from his dad and brother but still very talented. We’ll start with his time down in OVW as he teams up with CM Punk to face Jay Bradley (occasionally seen in TNA) and Shawn Spears who appeared in WWECW a few times. I’m not 100% sure on the date here but I’m pretty sure it’s June 23, 2007.

Cody Runnels/CM Punk vs. Shawn Spears/Jay Bradley

Bradley is OVW Champion and Spears is TV Champion. Cody has half polka dot half goldu trunks to honor his family. If Punk and Cody (the good guys here) win, Cody gets Spears in a strap match this coming week and Punk gets a title match with Bradley next week on TV. Cody decks Bradley in the face with a string of forearms but keeps looking over at Spears. Bradley catches him in a fallaway slam and it’s off to Spears who immediately runs to the floor.

It’s back to Bradley who runs from Punk and tags Spears back in. Cody gets an immediate tag to send Spears running again but Bradley makes another save. Bradley hits Cody with some forearms to the back and like a good heel, Spears finally comes in when Cody is down. Cody shrugs off everything Spears has to throw at him, sending Shawn to the corner for another tag. Announcer Dean Hill talks about Spears and Cody being former partner until Spears turned on him. Simple but effective story.

Bradley puts Cody in a chinlock and drags him to the corner for another tag off to Shawn. Spears plays a nice cocky heel until Cody punches him in the face. Punk comes in sans tag but only gets his partner in more trouble. The heels stay in control until Spears ducks his head and gets punched in the face. Cody FINALLY makes the tag off to Punk and everything breaks down, sending the heels running off for the countout.

Rating: C-. This was about setting up stuff for later and there’s nothing wrong with that. Cody had the look and some natural skills but he needed a lot of seasoning at this point. Punk was barely in the match at all but he was just a special attraction in OVW here. Cody would win the title in just a few days.

Post match Cody pulls out a strap and cleans house on everyone that comes from the locker room to help the heels.

Cody would debut on Raw less than a month later. He would go on to feud with Hardcore Holly and eventually get a tag team title shot at the Raw 15^th Anniversary special on December 10, 2007.

Raw Tag Titles: Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Dusty is out here too so you know this is going to be a title change. Cody’s team is challenging. Cade and Cody start us off as Dusty is at home talking a lot. He really was good at what he did and the one biggest thing about him: you can never say he was boring. He paid attention and had insight about EVERYTHING. Cody is very much a rookie here and after he gets beaten up for awhile it’s a double tag and Holly cleans house. Everything breaks down and the Alabama Slam gives Rhodes and Holly the titles. Dusty comes in to celebrate with them.

They would hold the titles for over seven months despite few people seeming interested. Cody would turn heel and join up with Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase Jr. as part of Legacy. The trio would dominate Raw for a good while and eventually feud with DX, leading to a submissions only match at Breaking Point.

DX vs. Legacy

This is submissions count anywhere. We get the obligatory Montreal reference from DX which makes sense as we’re in Montreal tonight. HHH says it was all Shawn’s fault in a rather funny bit. There are in essence no rules in this to speak of. Shawn is famous for the figure four? Since when? We’re already into the crowd so at least they’re not trying that hard to make this look like a normal match. That’s always a perk.

Shawn has DiBiase in a choke on a railing in the audience and HHH and Rhodes are back in the concourse I think. We were in the ring for all of 8 seconds in case you were wondering. They’re brawling all over the place but of course we’re heading back to the ring now. Rhodes is put onto a chair and HHH gets a Boston Crab at the same time that Shawn gets a camel clutch. Good to know. After that is broken up we get a crossface from HHH.

I’m not sure if this is a good match or not. Rhodes hooks a Gory Special of all things. The formula of this match more of less is one guy puts a hold on another and the partner makes the save. It’s ok but there’s not much to it really. HHH and DiBiase are in the ring and Rhodes and Shawn are fighting in the production area. They fight into the stands and Shawn falls from there down to a perfectly placed empty area.

Basically HHH has to fight both guys off to keep them away from Shawn. Hmm…HHH having to face very big odds and do something no other normal person could pull off? Where’s the challenge? They’re in the back and beating the heck out of HHH. The crowd reaction would suggest Shawn is up. Oh wait it’s Montreal so maybe he died or something. Never mind. He’s up. It’s back to 1-2 now though as HHH got smacked in the head and is down.

Rhodes busts out an ankle lock on Shawn. You know, the guy with a bad back that just hurt his back a few minutes ago. I can’t stand stupid wrestlers at times. So Shawn was down for maybe two minutes from FALLING OFF A BALCONY and HHH is down much longer from a garbage can shot? Good freaking night.

Shawn gets that reverse figure four that he used like twice but he’s a master off all of a sudden anyway. Rhodes just goes off on Shawn and hooks the figure four on the post. DiBiase adds in the Million Dollar Dream. And Shawn taps out with HHH crawling on the floor. Talk about an EPIC win. Match kind of sucked but kind of didn’t.

Rating: B-. I liked it, but there were a LOT of problems here. For one thing, it got to the point where it was just the same stuff happening but with different people. That’s rather boring indeed. However, VERY happy that Legacy won as they actually needed a win as opposed to DX all over again. It was good but far from great. I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt though.

Once Legacy broke up, Cody eventually became obsessed with his looks and going by the name Dashing Cody Rhodes. He would offer tips on self-grooming and stuff like candles while still putting on good matches. Eventually he would have his face injured in a match against Rey Mysterio and wear a mask that made him look like Dr. Doom from Marvel Comics. The interesting aspect of the character was that Cody’s face looked exactly the same but in his head he was convinced he was hideous. This led to a match with Mysterio at Wrestlemania 27.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Cody used to be Dashing but then Rey hit him with the 619 and the knee brace hit Cody in the face, scarring him and requiring facial surgery. Cody basically became Dr. Doom but in reality his face was fine. However he wanted Rey’s mask for retribution. This was an AWESOME character but of course WWE would wind up wasting the entire thing and make Cody a jobber because they got bored with him after a few months. Still though, this part was awesome.

Oh yeah the match. Rey comes out as Captain America this year which is an awesome looking costume for him. Rey is almost immediately sent to the apron but comes in off the top with a dropkick to take over. A forearm to Rey’s face takes over and Cody goes after the knee brace which caused the initial injury. Rey kicks his way out of the corner but Cody headbutts him in the face to take over again because of the hard mask.

The Disaster Kick to the head puts Rey down again and it’s off to a chinlock. Cody charges into a boot in the corner but comes right back with the Alabama Slam for two. Back to the knee brace for a second before Cody hits a running knee to the back of Rey’s head to keep him down. Mysterio is sent to the apron again and goes up top, only to be sent down in a delayed superplex. Cody stomps away and talks about how Rey hurt his face.

Rey escapes Cross Rhodes and sends Cody out to the floor for a baseball slide to the face. A headscissors sends Cody into the apron and we head back inside to speed things up. Rey hooks a quick quick rollup for two and fires off a kick to the face. Cody charges into a kick to the ribs but comes back with a release German suplex for two. A springboard headscissors puts Cody down but the 619 is caught in mid kick. Cody slingshots Rey’s throat into the middle rope for two more and now the knee brace is removed.

Rey comes right back with a moonsault press for two of his own and Cody loses his mask. The 619 hits and a hard kick to Cody’s head gets two more. Now Mysterio puts Cody’s mask on and hits a few headbutts with it before hitting a top rope headbutt to the chest for two. Cody rolls to the floor and sneaks in a shot to the face with the knee brace, followed up by Cross Rhodes for the upset pin.

Rating: B-. Good match here and pretty easily Cody’s biggest win ever to this point. Cody needed this win a lot more than Mysterio and it made him even more awesome than he already was before this match. Mysterio had nothing to gain here and it was a pleasant sight to see the hotter star go over like that.

Cody would go on to win the Intercontinental Title and hold it for several months. After losing it for the second time, things would go down in a hurry for Rhodes as he would be stuck in midcard and tag team feuds that went nowhere. It wouldn’t be until Fall of 2013 when Cody got a match with WWE Champion Randy Orton for his job that he would show the potential he had again.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

If Cody loses he’s gone. Orton pounds away in the corner to start and takes him down with a clothesline. Rhodes is draped over the top rope and sent out to the floor, but he sends Randy into the steps for a breather. Cody cranks on the arm and gets two off a dropkick before pounding away in the corner. Orton gets choked on the ropes but comes back with a poke to the eye for two. More right hands have Randy in control but Cody comes back with a release front suplex and right hands of his own in the corner. Orton hits the backbreaker out of said corner to send Cody to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Orton throwing Cody back inside for two but Cody comes back with an elbow to the jaw and an uppercut to put Rhodes down. A springboard missile dropkick gets a close two and the Disaster Kick gets the same. Orton sidesteps the moonsault press and puts Cody down with the Elevated DDT. The RKO is countered into the Cross Rhodes out of nowhere for a VERY close two. I thought that was it. The fans are WAY into Cody here but Orton snaps his throat across the top rope. Back in and Rhodes gets two off a rollup but another Disaster Kick misses and the RKO connects for the pin at 13:35.

Rating: B. When you have me believing that Cody Rhodes could beat Randy Orton, you’re doing something right. I’m not sure where they’re going to go with Cody now as he got a good rub here but apparently he’s gone for a bit due to the loss. Either they’re going back on what they said or he’s really taking time off for some reason. Still though, good match here.

Overall, the Rhodes children are the polar opposite of their dad. Dusty was all about promos and usually couldn’t have a good match if his life depended on it. Cody and Goldust can both talk but are much more athletic in the ring. At this point Goldust is having one of the best career comebacks you’ll ever see while Cody could be an upper midcard fixture for years to come.

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Smackdown
Date: December 30, 2011
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the final show of the year and we close things out with the Blue Guys. As long as it’s not Blue Meanie I’m cool with that. Anyway tonight we should get some advancement in the three way world title feud. I hope they don’t make Bryan look like a joke in this that can’t get in any offense and has to escape with whatever kind of win he can get. Those title reigns completely defeat the purpose of being a champion. Then again so does MITB in general but whatever. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Barrett vs. Orton. Their match tonight is the main event and it’s falls count anywhere. I’m curious to see how this ends, which I’m sure you’ve heard about already.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is the number 2012, since I’ll be writing 2011 for at least two more weeks.

Here’s Booker coming out to do commentary. You know, his job. I wonder if he gets his pay docked for being late like this. He talks about how this has been a great year for him, starting with the Rumble and then joining the commentary booth. Then on Monday he beat Cody Rhodes and that’s all because of the fans. He goes for his catchphrase but here’s Cody to interrupt him.

Cody makes fun of local spots teams and the Indy 500 because that’s what heels do. No seriously, it’s a fine way to get the crowd booing you so why not do it? Rhodes talks about his year, ranging from being injured to beating Mysterio to winning the IC Title. Then he took a washed up announcer and pushed him to regain some of his former glory. Booker says that when he beat Cody on Monday, he wasn’t that washed up. If Cody respected the business, he’d be congratulating Booker right now.

The champ actually agrees and says that he doesn’t want to come off as some kind of bitter jerk because he’s better than that. He actually congratulates Booker and offers a handshake. Booker shakes it and gets in his face a bit but turns to leave. Cody says of course now this is all over. Booker isn’t sure what he means by that, but Cody says the fairy tale is over and Booker is nothing but a nostalgia act. If Booker keeps competing, his skills will be exposed as being gone. If he goes back to announcing, he’ll be exposed as an illiterate moron. In short, Booker is a joke.

Cue….Dustin Rhodes? He comes out to the Goldust music but he’s in a suit and no makeup. Dustin says he loves his brother very much but Cody is going about this all wrong. Booker is someone that Cody should respect because it was Booker that inspired Dustin to face his demons and make a comeback. Dustin gets the idea of building your own legacy, but don’t do it at Booker’s expense. Cody knows better than this.

Cody chuckles at this and says that as soon as Booker stopped teaming with him, Dustin fell back into those demons and then into utter obscurity. Booker gets in Cody’s face and asks for a third match with Cody since it’s one apiece at the moment. He wants to do it right now but Cody says we’ll do it next week. Booker says that next week it’ll be a celebration when he becomes the new Intercontinental Champion. Booker leaves and Cody beats Dustin down. Booker makes the save but Cody is long gone. Not a bad opening segment.

Tonight’s main event: it’s a tag team match!

Ted DiBiase vs. Jinder Mahal

If DiBiase is supposed to be this everyman now, shouldn’t he lose the I’m Rich theme song? They exchange quick control to start but Mahal keeps his, hitting a Vader Bomb knee drop for two. The crowd isn’t exactly thrilled by DiBiase vs. Legs Mahal here. Ted gets in a few shots to slow Mahal down but tweeks his knee coming off the top. A Downward Spiral (so fed up with that move) sets up the Camel Clutch and Dibiase surprisinly taps at 2:50. Didn’t see that one coming.

Teddy is talking about his New Year’s Eve party tomorrow night when Aksana comes in. More flirtations are made and Drew McIntyre comes in. He’s been signed back to Smackdown and Teddy is willing to forgive him. Drew isn’t going to get paid what he was getting earlier when his career has fallen apart. He gets Big Zeke tonight and if he doesn’t win, his job might be in jeopardy. Drew talks about the time he made Teddy beg for mercy and says that’s nothing compared to what he’ll do to Jackson.

Alicia Fox/Kaitlyn vs. Natalya/Tamina

Tamina looks better with straight hair. The lack of JTG helps a lot also. Tamina vs. Kaitlyn starts us off. The evil ones take over on Kaitlyn and beat her down. Something like a Michinoku Driver by Natalya does nothing here as Kaitlyn makes the tag about two seconds later. Alicia hits the axe kick on Nattie for the pin at 1:34. Why do they bother with these matches? I honestly don’t know.

Tamina beats up Natalya post match, including a Superfly Splash.

Don’t be a bully.

Raw ReBound eats up some time.

We get a standard recap of Show vs. Otunga on Monday with Henry coming in as well. Bryan made the save.

Speaking of Bryan, he’s in the back talking with AJ (who looks GREAT tonight in a black cut off top and jeans) about how he saved Big Show. Show comes up and asks to talk to Bryan alone. Show says that giants don’t really need to be saved. Teddy comes in and says that the tag match main event won’t be happening tonight as Otunga wants a rematch with Show. Henry will be in his corner. Bryan implies he’ll have Show’s back but doesn’t exactly say it.

Justin Gabriel vs. Hunico

I think there’s new music for Gabriel but I’m not 100% sure. Hunico comes out on a lowrider bicycle with his new bodyguard who used to be in FCW and is named Camacho here. I don’t remember his FCW name. Further investigations (as in I looked it up on Wikipedia) says that his name there is Donny Marlow and his dad is more famous as Meng or Haku.

Cole says he has a lot of knowledge about lowrider bicycles. Hunico gets sent to the floor and Gabriel misses a dive. Cole gives us the history of lowrider bikes and all I can think of is….why? There’s something about Eddie Munster mentioned in there. Justin misses a springboard something coming back in but hits a powerbomb style move to take over. Hunico breaks up the 450 and brings Gabriel down so that the Swanton can end this at 1:48. This was nothing and Camacho didn’t get involved at all.

Hunico/Camacho hit something like Cryme Tyme’s old finisher to leave Gabriel on the mat (Samoan Drop/neckbreaker combo).

Big Show vs. David Otunga

If nothing else we get the big knockout punch from last week which still looks great. Otunga has really long arms. Henry gets his own entrance. Show beats him down as Otunga tries to get in whatever offense he can. David bails to the floor where Henry gives him something resembling a pep talk. Back in a shoulder block puts Otunga down as does a corner splash. Henry gets on the apron to distract from the chokeslam and Otunga hits a chop block and DDT for two. Henry goes to get in the ring but Bryan pops up with a belt shot to stop him. The big punch knocks Otunga out cold at 3:24.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here and that’s about it. Bryan coming out didn’t really mean anything or add anything as it wasn’t like Show needed help. Also it doesn’t help that he looks like a mosquito who keeps running in and hitting people then running. Nothing to see here but Otunga can sell a punch really well.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Drew McIntyre

Jackson has some hair now. We get Drew’s full entrance and I miss his song. Big Zeke controls with power for a few moments but Drew takes over pretty quickly. Jackson beats him down more and this match isn’t going to last long. A big boot by Drew gets two. Northern lights suplex gets two. Jackson backdrops him and the fans don’t care. Side slam gets two for the power man. Torture Rack is countered and Drew gets a boot up in the corner. It gets two even with his feet on the ropes. Drew argues with the ropes and Jackson rolls him up (with a big handful of tights) for the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D-. Terribly boring match here and I have no idea what the point of it was. Drew has fallen so far in the last year and a half that it’s almost scary. I don’t get the point in having Jackson use the tights but maybe it’ll be addressed in the future. Jackson is pretty worthless as he isn’t interesting at all and now he has to cheat to win matches over Drew Freaking McIntyre? Not a good match at all.

Video on Sheamus. I think they aired this months ago. I remember the rock version of Written In My Face.

Drew yells about the tights in the back and Teddy says he can’t stand losers. He’s a ticked off Peanut here. Old school fans will get that joke.

Here’s Sheamus for a little chat. “What’s the crack Indianapolis?” Is that an Irish thing? He wants to talk about the future and by that he means the Royal Rumble. The winner gets a title match at Wrestlemania. He doesn’t care who he eliminates because he’s going to win the Rumble. Cue Hornswoggle to get on my nerves. Horny is going to enter the Rumble as well because miracles like Bryan beating Big Show can happen. He says he’ll win (only saying his own name). Sheamus admires that and gives us some Irish folk lore or whatever you want to call it. He gets all mean but is only playing.

Cue Heath Slater who is a breath of air. I can’t stand Horny at all. Slater mentions guys like Bushwhacker Luke and the Brooklyn Brawler, who fall into the same category as Horny: the guy that says they’ll win and is a joke. Slater says he’s the greatest redhead on Smackdown and the only reason Horny won the battle royal was because Sheamus didn’t want to squash a leprechaun. Slater doesn’t have that problem though. Sheamus gets in his face and….sings Don’t Stop Believin. Ok then. Sheamus says he sees Slater as more of an R. Kelly kind of guy, because he believes he can fly, and there goes Slater. That was…yeah.

Sheamus vs. Heath Slater

Kind of awkward here as Sheamus was celebrating after throwing Slater out and we went to a break. Back and they’re having a match. Sheamus pounds him down and works on the arm and then throws Heath to the apron. Slater slaps him and that was very stupid, so here are ten forearms to the chest for his efforts. Sheamus keeps countering him but Slater drop toeholds him into the middle buckle. Slater gets him onto the mat and hooks a chinlock. The counter to that triggers Sheamus’ comeback which consists of forearms to the back, a top rope shoulder and the Brogue Kick for the pin at 4:45 shown.

Rating: D+. The Rumble is probably the best thing that could possibly happen to Sheamus at this point. He doesn’t have anything to do on Smackdown as it was looking like he was the next opponent for Henry but then Henry got hurt so they had to go to the Bryan reign. Since then he’s just been beating up random people without breaking a sweat, which can only get you so far.

Bryan is talking to Teddy when Show comes in. He’s getting annoyed at Bryan for always being there. Bryan wants a thank you for being there to bail Show out. They start growling at each other and we’re told that it’s Show vs. Bryan for the title next week. Show laughs a lot at that. Bryan says even if he loses, his reign lasted longer than 45 seconds.

Whoever they are, they’re still coming. I’m kind of curious about that but I’m expecting a letdown.

We hype the three big title matches spread over the next week of shows.

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Falls count anywhere. Slugout to start and Orton hammers him into the corner. Out to the floor and Barrett goes into the steps for two. With Barrett’s head on the steps, a stomp gets two. Usually that would crack a skull but in wrestling it only gets two. That’s why I love this stuff. RKO is countered and Orton goes into the post as we take a break.

Back with them in the ring and Barrett hammering away. He hits that running boot to Orton as Orton is sitting on the middle rope which gets two on the floor. Big boot in the ring gets two and we hit the chinlock. Middle rope elbow gets the same. Back to the chinlock as this has been a lot more basic than I was expecting. Orton gets in the powerslam but Barrett escapes the elevated DDT by heading to the floor.

Orton throws him over the table and they go into the crowd. They go into the back and Orton goes through a table. Randy sends him into an anvil case as Barrett tries to escape down the hall. The referee went down earlier so he’s not here. They fight into an elevator and we actually cut to a security camera feed in the elevator.

They brawl out into what looks like a corporate area and a cameraman has to run to catch up to them. The camera goes through a door and we hear shouting and a crash. He catches up to them and Barrett is standing at the top of a flight of steps. Orton is laying at the bottom in a shape that probably isn’t that comfortable. The camera looks down at him as he can barely move and we go off the air.

Rating: C. Pretty boring main event for the most part but once they got to the wild brawl it wasn’t that bad. Word is Orton has a legit bad back so this is the angle that they’re going with to write him off TV for awhile. That’s fine and not having a pin works here because there’s no point in having a pin with that being the closing shot of the show. Not terrible and the ending did the job it was supposed to do.

Overall Rating: C. I wasn’t huge on this show. The point of it was to get Orton off TV for awhile and that worked out pretty well. Barrett looks great and we have a world title match set for next week. I’m honestly not sure what they’re going to do with Bryan as the way he won the title makes him look like a fluke and there’s a chance they’ll pull it off of him with a Show heel turn. Either way, not a horrible show but nothing at all worth going out of your way to see.

Results
Jinder Mahal b. Ted DiBiase – Camel Clutch
Alicia Fox/Kaitlyn b. Natalya/Tamina – Axe Kick to Natalya
Hunico b. Justin Gabriel – Swanton Bomb
Big Show b. David Otunga – WMD
Drew McIntyre b. Ezekiel Jackson – Rollup
Sheamus b. Heath Slater – Brogue Kick
Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton went to a no contest

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A quick one to close us out.There’s no real point to nominees here as this comes down to two people.

The winner is……..John Cena.

As well as Daniel Bryan.  At the end of the day I simply can’t pick one over the other so it’s a tie.  Let’s look at both guys.

First up we have Bryan, who got the rocket push of this generation over the course of the summer.  Bryan went from being in a very successful tag team to flying up the card, culminating in something that happens once a year at best: pinning John Cena 100% clean in the middle of the ring.  That flat out does not happen most o the time and it’s a huge deal.  After that Bryan won another world title and main evented several PPVs to close out the year.  That’s something that’s hard to top.

However, when you look at kayfabe accomplishments, Cena had a dominant year.  He won the Royal Rumble, he won the world title in the main event of Wrestlemania, he held world titles for over half the year, he main evented Summerslam and TLC plus brought the WHC its most prestige in years.  That’s a great year by anyone’s standards and a very good one for Cena.

I just can’t pick one guy over the other and they both deserve to be called the best wrestler of the year.  Now go ahead and call me biased.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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