Monday Night Raw
Date: April 19, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Adnan Virk, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

Things should be a bit more back to normal this week as Wrestlemania season is over. That is probably a good thing after last week’s show was not exactly worth bragging about. This time around we have Asuka vs. Charlotte in a match that has been done quite a few times before so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Drew McIntyre to get things going. We get a recap of him winning a triple threat match last week to become #1 contender to WWE Champion Bobby Lashley. After the win, he was attacked by Mace and T-Bar, with MVP looking on in approval. With the recap of last week out of the way, McIntyre recaps last week. McIntyre gets to Mace and T-Bar, but he doesn’t believe that they are the masterminds here. That would be MVP, which has McIntyre wondering if Mace and T-Bar are going to start wearing those nice suits.

Cue MVP, who implies he didn’t know anything about it, causing Drew to mock him for suggesting he didn’t know anything about it. MVP says Lashley is expecting McIntyre to be a worthy challenger at Wrestlemania Backlash. As for Mace and T-Bar, Lashley recently decided to downsize the Hurt Business, so why would he need those two after he already beat McIntyre at Wrestlemania? Mace and T-Bar have ZERO affiliation with the Hurt Business. McIntyre doesn’t seem to buy it but here are Mace and T-Bar to jump him again. The double sitout chokeslam drops McIntyre and the two walk past MVP, who doesn’t really respond.

In the back, Mace and T-Bar talk about….snakes and saber tooth tigers? Sabre tooth tigers are extinct, just like McIntyre will be when they are done with him.

Post break, McIntyre demands Adam Pearce give him Mace and T-Bar tonight. Pearce says get a partner but Drew is going to fight no matter what.

Viking Raiders vs. Cedric Alexander/Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin drives Erik into the corner to start and then wrestles him down to the mat without much effort. Alexander comes in for a running dropkick for no count as Erik powers him off in a hurry. Erik gets taken into the corner again and Shelton drops him with a clothesline. One heck of a shot to the face drops Alexander and it’s Ivar coming in to miss the seated crossbody.

Ivar gets taken into the corner and tosses his way right back out. A quick roll over to the corner allows the tag back to Erik, who is taken down with a snappy tornado DDT from Alexander. Everything breaks down, after a Cannonball against the barricade to Benjamin, the Viking Experience (or Viking Express according to Virk, again) hits Alexander for the pin at 5:16.

Rating: C-. The less than dominant performance from the Raiders made sense here as they have only had one match in about seven months. They shouldn’t be able to run over a team who were recently the Tag Team Champions….even though they did last week. So in other words, they did the last two weeks backwards and it already seems like they are running low on teams for the Raiders to beat up.

Randy Orton talks about how the Fiend is gone for good….and here’s Riddle on his scooter. He talks about how neither of them have a title any longer so they can team up and have matching scooters. Orton walks away, as everyone tends to do with Riddle, who is rapidly losing his charm in these segments.

Post break, Orton asks Adam Pearce if he can face Riddle tonight. Pearce will see what he can do. Given how little of Raw tends to be planned out, I don’t think it should take long to get to a decision.

We recap Charlotte returning last week, promising to be totally and completely different this time, then interrupting Rhea Ripley defending the Women’s Title against Asuka last week.

Here is Charlotte for a chat. She is tired of the lack of respect from the women’s locker room. Wrestlemania was taken away from her and that just wasn’t fair. She can beat Asuka and Rhea Ripley on the same night, so tonight Asuka is getting taken out as Ripley sees what Charlotte can do.

Cue Asuka and Ripley, with the latter being willing to take Charlotte up on her offer, even though Asuka is beating her tonight. Asuka goes to say something but Charlotte cuts her off and condescendingly reminds her of the Wrestlemania match. Asuka promises to beat her tonight, “b****”. I would pay a good bit of money to come up with any new way to present Charlotte other than the “I’m better than all of you” heel.

Riddle scooters past Randy Orton on the way to the ring.

Randy Orton vs. Riddle

Orton grabs a headlock takeover to start but Riddle flips over into a choke on Orton’s back. What looks like a tap is written off as a slap at Riddle’s head and Riddle keeps the choke on. Orton finally drops back for the break but Riddle pops back up to slap it on again. They roll out to the apron and this time Orton sweeps the leg out to send him crashing outside.

We take a break and come back with Orton hitting the circle stomp. The snap powerslam gives Orton two and a belly to back suplex drops Riddle again. Orton seems to be favoring his shoulder and Riddle strikes away, only to get poked in the eye. Riddle comes back with chops out of the corner so Orton whips him hard into another corner to take him down. The chinlock goes on, with Orton shouting at Riddle in the process. Riddle fights up and avoids a charge to send Orton shoulder first into the post.

The fired up Riddle kicks him down and there’s the Broton for two. Orton catches him on top and that means the superplex (and a nice one at that). Back up and Riddle gets sent to the apron but catches Orton in a triangle choke. That doesn’t last long due to Riddle hanging upside down, allowing Orton hitting the hanging DDT. The RKO is loaded up but Riddle reverses into a crucifix for the pin at 13:33.

Rating: B-. It’s nice to see Riddle getting his momentum back and it isn’t like Orton losing is going to mean a single thing to him. Riddle can do some very good things in the ring and he was getting to showcase that here. Just keep him away from so many of the backstage appearances and we could be seeing something pretty awesome from him.

Sheamus comes in to see Adam Pearce, who talks about the history of the US Title. We hear about John Cena’s US Open Challenge and it seems that we will be seeing it again tonight.

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler vs. Lana/Naomi

Non-title. Naomi staggers Nia to start and brings Lana in for a headscissors into a failed Russian legsweep attempt. Lana takes Nia down with a chop block and kicks her in the head for a bonus. It’s off to Baszler to pull Lana to the mat without much effort and there’s the stomp to the arm. Cue Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke to show us a clip of Nia and Shayna laughing at Mandy slipping at Wrestlemania (now off the WWE Network, because reasons), as the match just completely stops for this flashback.

Now we look at Mandy and Brooke attacking Jax, followed by the match later in the night with Jax slipping off the apron. Mandy and Dana ran off to lose the match, but it was funny you see. We come back to the match (yeah that thing that was going on) where Shayna is armbarring Lana. Nia storms to the back and a double X Factor finishes Baszler at 4:17.

Rating: F. Not only did the finish look bad because Lana can’t manage to jump into the air properly, but about half of this match was spent in a flashback to an angle built around someone falling on the ramp in a stadium that had just been soaked by a bad rainstorm. How this is the best thing they can think of at the moment is beyond me, but such is life in WWE for you these days.

Nia is STUNNED that this happened.

We look at Bad Bunny’s Wrestlemania performance.

Bad Bunny, with Damian Priest, talks about how awesome it was. It meant a lot and he was very impressed with Priest. Speaking of Priest, he was impressed by Bunny and we hear about how much respect Bunny received from everyone.

Bunny’s tour is sold out.

Here’s are Miz and Maryse for MizTV, with Miz fawning over his wife. Miz talks about Wrestlemania and last week before taking credit for Bunny’s tour being sold out. The two talk about how much they love each other and this is their big celebration. The pyro seems to shake Maryse as they kiss and it’s time for a champagne toast. Miz hypes up his WWE 24 special on Sunday but here is Damian Priest to interrupt.

We look at Miz being stripped to his underwear, which is totally different than his trunks. Maryse helped Miz cheat to win last week so Priest says a man shouldn’t be happy with that kind of a win. Priest accuses him of not having much to show in his underwear so the challenge is on. Maryse accepts, though Miz isn’t exactly pleased. That’s what Priest wanted so he has some champagne, which he calls trash.

Riddle comes up to New Day in the back and suggests some changes to their gear. The solution: SILVER DOLLAR PANCAKES! Riddle leaves and Kofi Kingston asks if Xavier Woods understood anything Riddle just said.

Here are Elias and Jaxson Ryker but the performance is interrupted again, this time by Xavier Woods on bass.

Kofi Kingston vs. Elias

Kofi starts fast with a rollup for two but gets knocked down. Elias gets distracted by Woods playing Steve Austin’s theme and Kofi hits a Thesz press (which looked to be a mistimed version of his standard double stomp) for some right hands. A delayed vertical suplex gets Elias out of trouble and it’s time to stomp away in the corner. Kofi gets in a shot to the face but gets knocked off the top again. Elias’ clothesline is countered into a rather sloppy SOS for two. This time Elias goes up but gets caught as well, only to block Kofi’s super hurricanrana. The top rope elbow finishes Kingston at 4:42.

Rating: D+. This was a rather messy match but at least it gave Elias one of the biggest wins of his career. Yes his character is pretty stale and he has been doing the same thing for years now, but at least they are giving him a little something to do. Maybe this goes a little somewhere, and right now it isn’t like they have all that many fresh ideas anyway.

It’s time for Alexa’s Playground, with Alexa Bliss explaining that Lily has been around for a very long time. We see some photos of Lily around her as a baby (WWE loves itself some doctored photos) and Bliss talks about shoving a kid at the playground so she could eat her ice cream (even if she didn’t like strawberry). When asked, she said Lily made her do it. Lily will let you know if she doesn’t like something so Bliss warns the entire roster. Lily tries to eat the camera again. Oh yeah they’re running with this.

We look back at the women’s tag team from earlier tonight, because OH YEAH THEY’RE RUNNING WITH THIS TOO!

Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke say that they are not the bullies. Yes Mandy slipped at Wrestlemania but it was Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler who kept watching it. Jax and Baszler come in to chase them off but Baszler yells at Jax for costing them the match. Baszler tells her to get better or else. Jax: “Or else what?” Angel Garza of all people comes in to have Jax’s back. So yes, they are still arguing almost eight months after winning the titles in the first place. Also, I would hope that Garza is not being swapped in for Reginald. He’s too good for that.

Drew McIntyre vs. Mace/T-Bar

No partner for McIntyre, who charges at T-Bar and hammers away to start. A kick to the face sets up a battle over a suplex with McIntyre pulling it off for two. MVP is watching in the back as Mace comes in to unload on McIntyre in the corner. Some running knees put McIntyre down and we hit the chinlock….and go to a wide shot to show off the Thunderdome for some reason (ala Vince McMahon in the mid 90s pay per views). Mace suplexes him for two but McIntyre hits T-Bar with a spinebuster for two. The Glasgow Kiss slows T-Bar down but Mace’s distraction lets the double teaming begin, which is good for a DQ at 5:57.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go very far but at least Mace and T-Bar didn’t get pinned right out of the box. It isn’t a win, but they lost because they were beating McIntyre up instead of a result of the opposite. I’m still curious about where this goes, though I have next to no confidence in it going anywhere positive for them in the long term.

Immediately after the bell, here’s Braun Strowman to clear off not Retribution. Load up the tag match.

Braun Strowman/Drew McIntyre vs. T-Bar/Mace

Yeah you knew it was coming as soon as the music hit. Strowman powers out of a headlock to start and then runs Mace over with a shoulder. Drew certainly likes that and Braun forearms Mace down. T-Bar comes in and is pounded down into the corner as well. A Mace distraction lets T-Bar get in a chop block though and we hit the reverse chinlock.

T-Bar knees him in the back and grabs another chinlock but Strowman backdrops his way to freedom. The hot tag brings in McIntyre to pick up the pace, including an overhead belly to belly to Mace. There’s a jumping neckbreaker into McIntyre’s nip up….and there goes Mace’s mask. Commentary doesn’t seem to recognize him as a former member of their family, even as McIntyre hits him with the mask for the DQ at 5:24.

Rating: C-. Just a tag match here but losing the mask might get rid of a little bit of the Retribution stigma. Again, this is better than the team getting pinned, though it still isn’t exactly the best way to make them seem like big stars either. They went with another tag formula match here and that was fine, though it would be nice to see Mace and T-Bar pin someone. Like, ever.

Post match Strowman rips off T-Bar’s mask and knocks him outside as well. The start of non Retribution’s theme sounds like Neville’s NXT music.

Miz vs. Damian Priest

Miz has Maryse with him and goes outside to kiss her to start. Priest pulls Miz back in for a slam and elbows Miz down, but Maryse offers a distraction. That lets Miz hit a big boot and then a running dropkick puts Priest on the floor. Priest is whipped into various things before a neckbreaker gets two back inside.

The YES Kicks fire Priest up though and he blocks a kick with an elbow to the leg. Priest’s running elbow connects in the corner but Miz slips out of the Broken Arrow. Instead, Priest hits a springboard flip dive to take Miz down again. Maryse’s next distraction lets Miz grab a rollup (just like last week) for two, only for Priest to come back with Hit The Lights for the pin at 5:02.

Rating: C-. What matters here is Priest won, but I’m still trying to get my head around the idea of Miz pinning him last week. I’m assuming it was to promote the reality show, but if you can have Priest get the win back the next week, was there really no one else to take the fall? Priest has some major potential and I would love to see WWE realize some of it.

Asuka is warming up in the back and we go to a break in the middle of Virk’s hype for the main event.

Here is Sheamus for the Open Challenge for a US Title shot and we have a challenger.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Humberto Carrillo

Sheamus is defending….in theory at least, as he jumps Carrillo before the bell and throws him outside. Graves thinks Sheamus might be mad about the new European Super League as he whips Carrillo into the barricade and forearms him in the chest. Back in and the Brogue Kick drops Carrillo so Sheamus can say Carrillo isn’t in his league. No match.

Asuka vs. Charlotte

Rhea Ripley comes out to watch as Charlotte grabs a headlock. They fall out to the floor in a heap though and it’s off to an early break. Back with Charlotte hammering away but Asuka scores with a knee to the face. A Shining Wizard (leg kick according to Virk, as the completely understandable learning curve continues) drops Charlotte but what looked like a Codebreaker completely misses. Thankfully commentary doesn’t try to hide it as they slug it out from their knees.

Charlotte is up with a spear for two and then heads to the apron. Asuka’s kick to the ribs is blocked and Charlotte wrenches on the knee as long as she can. Back in and the Asuka Lock sends Charlotte to the ropes so she takes Asuka’s bad leg out again. The Figure Eight goes on but Ripley breaks it up, meaning the fight is on. Asuka kicks Charlotte in the arm and crucifixes her for the pin at 9:16, though Charlotte’s shoulder was a bit off the mat.

Rating: C+. I know Charlotte loses here and it seems to set up Asuka vs. Ripley II, but come on. You know Charlotte is getting in that title match because that is what Charlotte does almost every single time. It’s going to happen no matter what and it wouldn’t shock me to see her win the title again. I would certainly hope not, but it isn’t like it would be unprecedented.

Post match Charlotte yells at the referee and beats him down, even continuing as other referees come out to yell at her.

Overall Rating: D+. I went back and forth on the overall rating as this was a huge upgrade from last week but they are doubling down on so many of the repetitive/dull/stupid ideas. Riddle is still getting way too much time, Mace and T-Bar didn’t exactly look dominant, we’re still living in Charlotte’s world, and Mandy Rose slipping is one of the bigger stories on the show. You would have almost no idea that Wrestlemania was eight days ago and that shouldn’t be the feeling. The show wasn’t the worst and was a big improvement over last week, but it still wasn’t exactly good. Better, but they still need to fix a lot of problems.

Results

Viking Experience b. Cedric Alexander/Shelton Benjamin – Viking Experience to Alexander

Riddle b. Randy Orton – Crucifix

Lana/Naomi b. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler – Double X Factor to Baszler

Elias b. Kofi Kingston – Top rope elbow

Drew McIntyre b. Mace/T-Bar via DQ when Mace and T-Bar double teamed McIntyre

Mace/T-Bar b. Drew McIntyre/Braun Strowman via DQ when McIntyre hit Mace with the mask

Damian Priest b. The Miz – Hit The Lights

Asuka b. Charlotte – Crucifix

 

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 12, 2021
Location: Yuengling Center, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Adnan Virk, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton

It’s the unofficial season premiere of Raw after the fairly awesome two night Wrestlemania. We’re in the new Thunderdome this week and that shouldn’t make much of a difference compared to the other ones. In theory this should be the big show with all kinds of things going on, but you never can tell these days. Let’s get to it.

Here are Wrestlemania Night One and Night Two if you need a recap

Bobby Lashley arrived earlier and Riddle immediately challenged him. Lashley doesn’t think so because Riddle lost to Sheamus last night. Riddle talks about wearing a tin foil hats because of aliens but Lashley turns him down again. That earns Lashley some quotes about how anyone can have a shot, so Lashley shoves him down and calls him a loser. The match seems to be on.

Bobby Lashley vs. Riddle

Non-title and MVP is here with Lashley. Riddle scooters to the ring so Lashley jumps him before the bell and the beatdown is on outside. Lashley posts him and rams him into various things before taking it inside. For some reason Riddle says let’s go and gets sent into the corner for the shoulder to the ribs. The delayed vertical suplex drops Riddle again and Lashley tosses the scooter to make things….well as serious as they can be when they are involving a scooter. Riddle gets in a few shots but gets knocked down again as we take a break.

Back with Lashley working on a neck crank and hitting the Downward Spiral to drop Riddle again. Lashley throws him around again and starts on the arm. Riddle manages to get in a kick to the head and some kicks rock Lashley, followed by the jumping knee. The Floating Bro misses though and the Hurt Lock finishes Riddle at 10:30.

Rating: C. Total squash for the most part here and that’s how it should have gone. Lashley gets to dominate and now we should be on the way to finding out his next challenger. I’m not sure what this is going to mean for Riddle, but it is likely not the best sign with back to back losses. Granted if it means less of his promos backstage, it might be an improvement for everyone.

We look at Rhea Ripley winning the Women’s Title at Wrestlemania.

Ripley says it is time to continue her confidence and welcomes us to the Brutality World Order. And there goes her chances at being the next big thing, as WWE has managed to turn her into a catchphrase machine right out of the box.

Cedric Alexander/Shelton Benjamin vs. Viking Raiders

This is Ivar’s return after seven months off due to neck surgery. Ivar throws Alexander into the corner and hammers away with the forearms. Erik slams Ivar onto Alexander and it’s off to Benjamin in a hurry. Cedric takes Erik’s knee out and Shelton gets two off a knee to the face. Shelton suplexes Erik for the same and Alexander pounds away with forearms. There’s a suplex to give Shelton two but Erik knocks him away and hands it off to Ivar to clean house. Some shoulders set up the cartwheel and double clothesline as everything breaks down. The Viking Experience finishes Alexander at 5:37.

Rating: C-. Just a return match for Ivar and that’s great to see. He had a rather serious injury and it is awesome to have him back. Throw in the fact that the tag team division has been desperate for some fresh blood and this should be a nice upgrade. The team looked fine here and you wouldn’t have realized Ivar had been gone for seven months.

Asuka promises to get the title back.

Here is the returning Charlotte (with Virk seeming rather impressed) for a chat. She isn’t happy with not being on Wrestlemania because she is a franchise player and she wasn’t on the show due to reasons that are not her fault. It wasn’t her fault that Asuka needed a partner or that her dad acted like a fool at Raw Legends or that Asuka didn’t answer her challenge. Asuka accepted Rhea Ripley’s challenge though and now she is the new Women’s Champion.

Charlotte knows that everyone was thrilled that she wasn’t on Wrestlemania because it meant that everyone else had a chance. Now Asuka has another chance at the title but remember that karma is a b**** and Charlotte is that b****. This is the new Charlotte and she isn’t apologizing for being that good anymore. She has given everything to this business and what has she gotten in return? Enjoy your title match that she should be in, and there’s the mic drop.

Women’s Title: Asuka vs. Rhea Ripley

Asuka is challenging and jumps Ripley to start but gets shoved away. The threat of a cross armbreaker sends Ripley into the ropes for the break. Ripley sends her outside and we take an early break. Back with Ripley sending her hard into the corner but Asuka comes back with a middle rope dropkick. Some strikes to the face, including a running basement kick to the face, get two on Ripley.

A few shots put Asuka down again and the Prism Trap goes on. With that broken up in a hurry, Ripley pulls her into an electric chair. That’s broken up as well and we hit the Fujiwara armbar, with Asuka switching into the Asuka Lock. Ripley gets her into another electric chair and drops her face first for another break. They head to the apron with Asuka ramming her into the turnbuckle….and here is Charlotte to jump both of them for the double DQ at 11:50.

Rating: C. They telegraphed the ending with the Charlotte promo and I’m not sure how many people were buying the chance of a second title change in two days. Ripley needed to look more dominant, but something looked a bit off with Asuka. She seemed a lot more sloppy than usual and hopefully that isn’t because something is wrong.

Post match the beatdown is on and Charlotte is rather pleased.

Miz and John Morrison are annoyed at last night but Maryse is here to make Miz smile again.

Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler laugh at Mandy Rose falling at Wrestlemania. Rose and Dana Brooke come up and take Jax down as Baszler just isn’t there.

It’s time for Alexa’s Playground, with Alexa Bliss talking about how there was once a scared little girl who needs to be saved. Then the darkness came along and saved her, but one day she realized she didn’t need to be saved anymore.

The girl realized she didn’t need the darkness anymore and did what she could do to get rid of the darkness on her own. Now the girl is going to have her own fun. We also meet Lily, a rather disturbing Alexa Bliss doll….who comes to live and bites at the camera. The doll was creepy and then it went into exactly what you would have expected.

It’s time for MizTV with Maryse and John Morrison. They plug their media skills and plug Miz and Mrs., which is back tonight. Morrison thinks he should be added to the cast, but Miz reminds him that he is in tonight’s episode. After a plug for Maryse’s new moisturizer, we move on to Bad Bunny and Wrestlemania, with Miz bragging about making Bunny a bigger star. Cue Damian Priest to say he doesn’t want to hear it. The challenge is thrown out for a handicap match right now, even though Miz and Morrison are in suits.

Damian Priest vs. John Morrison/The Miz

Miz and Morrison are in street clothes and manage to take Morrison down for a slingshot into a forearm. A slingshot elbow gets two on Priest and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Priest kicks Morrison into the corner, setting up the running elbows in the corner. The Broken Elbow plants Morrison and the series of strikes drop Miz. The chokeslam connects but Morrison breaks up the cover, earning himself a clothesline.

Priest dives onto the two of them on the floor and a top rope spinwheel kick drops Morrison for two. Hit the Lights takes out Morrison but Maryse saves Miz from taking the same thing. Then Priest pulls off Miz’s pants, revealing….pretty much trunks, and another Maryse distraction lets Miz grab a rollup with feet on the ropes for the pin at 5:35.

Rating: D. We just spent two and a half months watching WWE try to give Priest a rub from Bad Bunny and the first thing they do once he is gone is have him lose to Miz and Morrison, in street clothes, thanks to a cameo from Maryse? Hooray for promoting the reality show, but was there no one else who could have been in Priest’s place? Of course there is, but we can’t have creative being creative and spending ten seconds coming up with a reason for someone to interrupt so just have Priest lose here instead.

Nia Jax says Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke orchestrated a cowardly attack on her backstage to distract from Mandy’s Wrestlemania mishap. That’s such a horribly scripted line that no one would ever possibly say in real life that I’m going to sigh and move on.

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler vs. Dana Brooke/Mandy Rose

Non-title. Nia goes after Brooke to start and sends her into the ropes to begin the beating. We hit the neck crank for a bit as Brooke isn’t exactly able to do much here (her mind might still be blown by that backstage promo). Brooke finally gets away and hands it off to Rose, who takes over on Baszler in a hurry. Rose manages to send her outside and Jax is tossed as well. Jax starts coming back in but slips on the apron….so Dana and Mandy bail for the countout at 5:35, saying it’s not worth it.

Rating: F. Oh sweet goodness why? We really need to turn Mandy slipping on a wet ramp into an angle where Nia Jax falls down on the apron? This was the latest example of WWE having something inconsequential happening and turning it into a thing, probably because Vince McMahon found it funny. Mandy and Dana aren’t good but there is a place for them. This was a great way to kill off anything they had going for them.

Dana and Mandy’s music plays because none of this matters.

Here is MVP to talk about how Drew McIntyre went out like a gladiator. There is nothing wrong with being second best but he lost to Bobby Lashley on Saturday. No one can handle the pressure of the Hurt Lock, including McIntyre. So who can handle it? Cue Drew McIntyre, who MVP says should be feeling humble. McIntyre says Wrestlemania came down to the Claymore, the Hurt Lock, and whoever made the first mistake. He made that first mistake and yes the Hurt Lock is going to end anyone.

McIntyre gets in the ring to suggest he wants another title shot but MVP says everything has to be earned. Cue Braun Strowman, with MVP starting to get a bit nervous. Strowman says McIntyre needs to go tot he back of the line but here’s Randy Orton (MVP: “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???”) to say say that the Fiend is gone so it’s time for him to go after the title again. Adam Pearce, triple threat, tonight.

Post break, McIntyre runs into Strowman in the back and says it’s a Claymore tonight. Strowman thinks McIntyre is insulting his intelligence and promises to win.

We recap Charlotte’s promo and interference earlier tonight.

Here are Jaxson Ryker and Elias to dedicate a song to Shane McMahon. Elias starts playing but we hear a trombone instead. After Elias manages to be dumb enough to not understand what is going on (there are so many possible reasons for a trombone to be heard around here), cue New Day to say that Elias and Ryker have shamed the tag team division. It is time to restore honor right now.

New Day vs. Jaxson Ryker/Elias

New Day clears the ring in a hurry and hit stereo dives to the floor as we take an early break. Back with Woods in trouble and Elias grabbing a chinlock as we go split screen for an ad for the movie Nobody. Back to full screen with Ryker coming in to throw Woods around but an enziguri knocks Ryker silly. The hot tag brings in Kofi to pick up the pace with a dropkick and one footed stomp to the standing Elias. Everything breaks down and the Daybreak finishes Elias at 9:35.

Rating: C-. New Day gets back on track and it isn’t like Elias and Ryker have any value in the first place. New Day is going to be around for as long as they want to be as they are as over as you can get in the tag division and still put on pretty good matches. This was one of the better things on the show, mainly because it was just ok, which is a huge improvement tonight.

Randy Orton is ready to get back in the title hunt because the Fiend and Alexa Bliss are behind him.

It’s time for the Firefly Fun House where everyone seems rather happy to be here. This includes Bray Wyatt, who is so glad to be back. Abby the Witch isn’t happy, which Bray says means witches be lyin. Ramblin Rabbit is glad that she, likely meaning Alexa Bliss, is gone. Bray throws him away and says they still have each other. This could be a new start for all of them and a new season for all of them. Maybe even a brand new him, because he could be reborn. Everything will be fine because HE will return and the Fun House will be strong. Bray nearly broke into song on that last part, complete with a rather up tempo beat behind him.

Randy Orton vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Braun Strowman

The winner gets a shot at Bobby Lashley at Wrestlemania: Backlash. Strowman goes after McIntyre to start but Orton helps make the save with a double suplex. Everyone is knocked to the floor but the Strowman Express is cut off by the steps to the face. Orton drops McIntyre onto the announcers’ table and we take a break.

Back with Orton knocking McIntyre down and stomping at the ankle. They head outside with Orton sending him face first into the announcers’ table over and over. Strowman is back up to run them both over but Orton gets in a shot of his own to slow Strowman down. Back in and the RKO hits Strowman but Orton takes forever to get the pin, allowing McIntyre to Claymore Orton in the face for the pin at 11:12.

Rating: C. Completely run of the mill triple threat with almost nothing that I’m going to remember in about five minutes. McIntyre winning isn’t a surprise as Lashley vs. Strowman or Orton is not exactly an interesting match. Maybe they can improve on their Wrestlemania match, but this wasn’t much of an improvement over anything.

Post match here is MVP on the stage and McIntyre waits for Lashley. Instead, T-Bar and Mace run in from behind to lay McIntyre out with a double chokeslam. They stand on the floor with MVP watching on, though they don’t acknowledge each other.

Overall Rating: F. And that’s being as nice as I can. This was HORRIBLE with one dumb idea after another and a grand total of maybe two and a half surprises (I’m not sure if Charlotte really counts). Ivar being back is very nice to see and I’m intrigued by the T-Bar/Mace deal, but other than that, you would have no idea that this was a special show because WWE has managed to suck the fun out of this as well.

Between “HAHA MANDY SLIPPED”, Priest losing to promote a reality show, Charlotte being back in the title picture less than twenty four hours after Ripley won the title and Alexa Bliss’ doll trying to eat us, this was one of the most depressing shows I can remember. It’s like they put all of the effort into Wrestlemania and then just decided that they had had enough of this work and trying stuff and started doing their old nonsense again. But at least now we can get a Wrestlemania rematch out of it so we don’t have to come up with anything new.

WWE is fresh off of their first show in thirteen months with fans and they did pretty well over the weekend. That gives them their first momentum in forever and THIS is what they give us? One of the most boring, cookie cutter by the book shows in months? WWE thought so much of this night that they put out a three hour DVD on the thing, but now this is what we’re given instead?

A women’s match headlines Wrestlemania and what do we get here: Charlotte back in the title picture and HAHA MANDY ROSE FELL DOWN! You have a women’s tag team division so dead that Tamina and Natalya get two Wrestlemania matches but you need to give one of the few regular teams you have a joke match that puts MORE attention on Nia Jax? We don’t get a Ripley squash or Mandy and Dana becoming #1 contenders, but rather the focus being on Charlotte and someone slipping on a wet ramp.

So that’s their follow up to Wrestlemania. We get a show that seems to care more about promoting Miz and Mrs. than the guy who just got a rub from the biggest celebrity willing to do something with WWE and a flashback to last week when Drew McIntyre was chasing Bobby Lashley. No NXT debuts, no major returns and no Bray Wyatt with a response of “maybe this is a good thing” to losing at Wrestlemania. Well done WWE, as you have now managed to cut the legs off another one of the best things that you have available.

Results

Bobby Lashley b. Riddle – Hurt Lock

Viking Raiders b. Cedric Alexander/Shelton Benjamin – Viking Experience to Alexander

Rhea Ripley vs. Asuka went to a double DQ when Charlotte interfered

Miz/John Morrison b. Damian Priest – Rollup with feet on the ropes

New Day b. Jaxson Ryker/Elias – Daybreak to Elias

Drew McIntyre b. Randy Orton and Braun Strowman – Claymore to Orton

 

 

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Wrestlemania XXXVII Night Two
Date: April 11, 2021
Location: Raymond James Stadium, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Samoa Joe, Byron Saxton
America the Beautiful: Ashland Craft

It’s time for the second half of the show and hopefully it is just as good if not better than last night. This time we have the main event of Roman Reigns defending the Universal Title against Daniel Bryan and Edge, along with four more title matches. That should make this feel more like a complete Wrestlemania, though I’m still not sure on whether I like one or two nights better. Let’s get to it.

Here is Night One if you need a recap.

America the Beautiful, with the roster on the stage.

We get the same opening video from last night, again with the Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator though with some fresh visuals.

Here are Titus O’Neil and Hulk Hogan to get things going….and they’re in pirate costumes. They make pirate jokes and the fans do not seem overly interested as we are thrown to our first match.

Randy Orton vs. The Fiend

Fiend has been tormenting Orton so Orton burned him alive. Now the charred remains of the Fiend are back for revenge. Orton is in white gear in a look I don’t remember seeing before. We see Fiend walking through the hall backstage and he transforms from the burned version into the regular one. Before Fiend appears, here’s Alexa Bliss with a huge jack in the box on the floor (it goes above the top rope). She turns the crank and the Fiend pops out of the box like the boss in a fairly creative game.

Fiend jumps off of the box and clotheslines Orton down as the red lights are back. A release Rock Bottom plants Orton and Fiend shouts what sounds like YOWIE WOWIE. Fiend loads up his own Punt but Orton bails out to the floor. That’s fine with Fiend, who follows him out with the Mandible Claw. Orton rolls inside for the break and there’s the hanging DDT to drop Fiend for all of two seconds.

The RKO is countered so Orton sends him into the side of the box (“box like structure” according to Cole) and there’s another DDT. Fiend is back up with the crossbody and right hands so Orton sends him outside again. That means a third DDT and this time Fiend stays down for a bit. The RKO is countered into the Mandible Claw and Sister Abigail is loaded up….but fire comes out of the posts. Bliss is sitting on top of the box with the black goo all over her. Fiend is distracted enough that the RKO can finish him at 5:54.

Rating: D. And I thought the bugs on the mat were never going to be topped. The Fiend gets to lose to Orton again in another idea that probably sounded great on paper but since this company doesn’t get that there is more to it than that, this is what we get. I don’t know if they’re going with the beauty killed the beast idea or something like that, but good grief man. Is it asking too much for Fiend to be able to get a bit win without doing something stupid? Awful stuff again, and hopefully they get it out of the way here.

Post match Fiend stares at Bliss and the lights go out. When they come back up, both of them are gone.

Bayley comes up to Hulk Hogan, Titus O’Neil and Eric Bischoff as they talk about Sasha Banks and Bianca Belair. She offers Bischoff a spot on her show but Bischoff would rather have Belair on. Hogan and Bischoff leave to talk about Hogan’s new boat, though Titus does give Bayley his pirate hat.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Natalya/Tamina vs. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler

Natalya/Tamina are defending after winning Tag Team Turmoil last night. Natalya and Shayna go to the mat to start and it’s an early standoff. Nia comes in and wants Tamina, who gets what I hope are ironic cheers. Tamina’s headbutt sets up an unsuccessful slam attempt so it’s back to Natalya to take Shayna down. A catapult sends Shayna into a superkick from Tamina for two.

Shayna is back up with a knee to Natalya’s face as Jax beats up Tamina on the floor. It’s time to start in on Natalya’s leg, including a nasty stomp to twist the ankle around. Nia comes in to stay on the knee and we get some of the trademark Natalya screaming. A missed charge sends Nia shoulder first into the post but she is back up with a spinebuster with Tamina having to make the save.

The hot tag brings in Tamina (which they miss on the first try because they can’t even SLAP HANDS properly) and the pace picks up. Tamina blocks the Kirifuda Clutch is straight power and Samoan drops Shayna for two. Shayna catches Tamina on top but Natalya breaks up a super Samoan drop from Nia. That sets up a double high crossbody to give Nia two, though she seems to bang up her knee in the process.

Nia shouts at Tamina a lot so Tamina backhands her in the face. A slam (with less rotation than Lex Luger got on Yokozuna) plants (kind of) Jax for two and we get a TAMINA chant because wresting fans are annoying. The Superfly Splash misses and it’s Natalya and Shayna coming back in, with Natalya dropkicking Shayna first. The Sharpshooter has Nia in trouble but Baszler grabs the Kirifuda Clutch on Natalya to retain at 14:21.

Rating: D. What does it say that I’m relieved Nia Jax is still a champion? This went WAY too long as WWE will not give up on the idea of Tamina and Natalya being something. The match was completely uninteresting because of who was in there and it isn’t like the action was very good either. Awful match, as WWE continues to not have the first clue of how to use these titles.

We recap Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn. Sami has been going a little bit nuts because he is convinced that there is a huge conspiracy against him. Owens does not seem to buy it but Zayn has even brought in YouTube sensation Logan Paul, who doesn’t quite seem to buy Sami’s conspiracy theory. Paul is here tonight in an undefined role.

Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens

It’s pretty awesome that these two are getting to face each other at Wrestlemania. Sami comes out first and introduces Paul, who does not seem that popular. Owens plants him with a Pop Up Powerbomb at the bell so Sami rolls outside. That means Sami has to grab the ropes to avoid an apron powerbomb. Sami gets dropped ribs first across the top rope and there’s the Cannonball to crush him again.

The threat of Owens going to the top sends Sami outside again but this time he catches Owens with a brainbuster on the apron for a big reaction (egads). Back in and the Michinoku Driver (Cole calls it a Blue Thunder Bomb, but Graves “saves him from the internet” by correcting him. Cole: “Thanks Corey. I got enough of that last night.”) gives Sami two so he puts Owens on top.

Some headbutts send Sami flying and the frog splash gives Owens two of his own. A fisherman’s buster onto the knee knocks Zayn silly for two more but ht he’s right back with the exploder suplex into the corner. The Helluva Kick and Stunner both miss so Sami grabs the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Another exploder sets up a nasty half and half suplex to rock Owens and the brainbuster gets another near fall.

Sami takes him up again and gets countered into the swinging fisherman’s superplex to crush Zayn and have Paul slumped over in his chair. Back up and Sami hits the Helluva Kick but makes the mistake of trying another one, allowing Owens to hit a superkick. Another superkick sets up the Stunner to pin Zayn at 9:17.

Rating: B-. A lot of what made this work was just seeing Owens vs. Zayn at Wrestlemania. These two have one of the deepest histories in modern wrestling and it must be so special to them to get to do this. Good match too, with Owens getting a win like he deserves after having such a great series with Reigns. Also, thanks for getting the show on track after the awful first hour.

Post match Paul checks on Sami as he gets up so Sami yells a lot and reminds Paul that Owens is the enemy. Paul shoves him down and storms off so Paul raises Owens’ hand. The Stunner leaves him laying so Owens can hug his family. Paul is helped out and asks why Owens did that.

Riddle runs into Great Khali and congratulates him on the Hall of Fame. He thinks Khali should open a store for giant sized people and sell giant toilets and scooters. There seems to be a communication issue so Rob Van Dam comes in to act as a translator. Van Dam says Khali says they need to dominate the market share with good marketing ideas, so Van Dam recommends his brand of rolling papers (to a big pop).

US Title: Sheamus vs. Riddle

Riddle is defending after Sheamus attacked him with Riddle’s own scooter a few weeks back. One day someone is going to have to explain the birds on Riddle’s entrance. Sheamus takes him down with a headlock takeover to start and stomps away but Riddle is back up with a choke on Sheamus’ back. That’s broken up and the swinging Rock Bottom plants Riddle again.

The Irish Curse connects but Riddle is back up with some shots to the face. Sheamus knocks him back and goes up so Riddle catches him with a top rope flipping belly to belly superplex. Some running forearms set up the exploder into the Broton into the Jackhammer for two (he can’t let the Goldberg stuff go) on Sheamus and Riddle is stunned. The Bro Derek is broken up and Sheamus sends him to the apron. Riddle flips back in for a knee to the face (looked like it was supposed to be the Brogue Kick, as Cole called it) for two.

An Alabama Slam gets two on Riddle, who is right back up with a suplex to the floor. The Floating Bro drops Sheamus again and they head back inside. Another Floating Bro gets two but Sheamus knocks him back again. Sheamus goes up top so Riddle follows him, only to have Sheamus load up a super White Noise.

That’s a bit too much though as they slip off, leaving Sheamus to hit the regular White Noise. Sheamus adds a top rope knee for two (proving that Riddle is tougher than Bruno Sammartino) so Riddle tries another springboard flip, which is Brogue Kicked out of the air (in some great timing) to give Sheamus the pin and the title at 10:49.

Rating: B-. These guys beat the heck out of each other, though some of the spots didn’t quite connect as planned. The ending made up for a lot of that though and while I’m not wild on Riddle’s short reign, Sheamus absolutely deserves something after his great run run with Drew McIntyre. Solid midcard match between two hard hitting guys, though I’m not sure where Riddle goes from here. Sheamus isn’t likely a long term champion, but him putting someone over will be a good moment.

HHH gives Bad Bunny a golden microphone to start his world tour.

We recap Big E. vs. Apollo Crews for the Intercontinental Title. Big E. won the title on Christmas night and defeated Crews to retain it. Crews thinks there have been shenanigans so he attacked Big E. Then Crews embraced his Nigerian roots and gained an accent, a scarf and a spear. Then Big E. beat Crews to retain it so Crews thought there had been shenanigans so he attacked Big E. Now it’s a Nigerian Drum Fight, which seems to be another hardcore match, in Big E.’s hometown.

Intercontinental Title: Big E. vs. Apollo Crews

Big E. is defending in a Nigerian Drum Fight, meaning anything goes and you can only win by pin or submission. Wale performs Big E.’s entrance live for a bonus. Big E. looks rather emotional and has a Feeding Tampa Bay (charity) logo on his entrance gear. Commentary explains that this has nothing to do with percussion instruments, but rather beating your opponent like a drum, though there is a gong at ringside.

There are also various weapons, including some kendo sticks, with both of them grabbing one to beat on the other. Big E. gets the better of it and they head outside, where there are indeed drums. A superkicks gets Crews a breather and he sends Big E. into the gong. Back in and Big E. spears Crews through the ropes to the floor and it’s time to pick some new weapons. Crews knocks him down and puts Big E. onto the steps. He picks up the other half and goes to the apron to crush Big E. but only hits steps.

Big E. is back up with a release Rock Bottom off the apron and onto the steps for a rather disturbing thud. A table is set up but it takes a bit too long, allowing Crews to hammer away with a kendo stick. The frog splash through the table only hits table though, allowing Big E. to nail the Big Ending. Cue a giant (Dabba Kato of Raw Underground fame) in something like a military uniform to beat Big E. down though, including a chokeslam. The giant puts Crews on top for the pin and the title at 6:50.

Rating: C+. They beat each other up well enough here and the title change was a nice moment, but Big E. being the latest star to have the big moment in his hometown is rather depressing. I’m not sure what WWE’s obsession with that is but it gets a little tiring. Also, for those keeping track, this is the second night in a row where a member of New Day has lost a title in the fourth match of the show thanks to a giant hitting something like a chokeslam.

Video on the first night of Wrestlemania.

Hall of Fame ceremony video.

The Hall of Fame class is presented:

Molly Holly

Great Khali

Ozzy Osbourne (not here)

Eric Bischoff

Rob Van Dam

Rich Hering (Warrior Award)

Kane (gets the headliner entrance)

We recap Asuka vs. Rhea Ripley for the Raw Women’s Title. Asuka has been champion for most of the last year and Ripley debuted to challenge her. Not much more to it than that and it really doesn’t need to.

Raw Women’s Title: Rhea Ripley vs. Asuka

Ripley is challenging and gets played to the ring live by Ash Costello. Asuka starts fast by kicking her into the corner and then counters a charge into a drop toehold into the middle buckle. That’s enough to send Ripley outside for a breather so Asuka follows her out with a knee to the face. Back in and Asuka kicks Ripley in the back as it seems Ripley is a bit shaken up by the pressure to start.

Ripley gets in her own kick and a belly to back faceplant gets two. The fans are split here as Ripley grabs a bodyscissors and shouts about how much she wants this. That’s broken up and Ripley slows the pace for some hard clotheslines. Asuka counters a kick to the chest into a kneebar so Ripley goes with the power to muscle up into a German suplex. Some shoulders in the corner stay on Asuka’s back and Ripley takes her up top.

That can’t go well so Asuka knocks her down and nails a good missile dropkick. Asuka’s German suplex sets up the rapid fire strikes, capped off by the big kick to the head for two. Asuka goes up again but this time Ripley dropkicks her down, setting up a face first drop onto the apron (which thankfully doesn’t smudge Asuka’s eye makeup). They fight to the apron and Asuka grabs a DDT to the floor (GEEZ) with Ripley thudding hard. That gets seven, because dropping four feet from the apron to the floor and landing on your head isn’t worth an eight these days.

Back in and Asuka fires off the Kawada kicks but the sliding knee is countered into some stomps to the head. The Prism Trap is countered into an armbar but Ripley swings her into the corner for the break. A bottom rope superplex (you don’t see that every day) gets two on Asuka so she tries the Asuka Lock. That’s broken up so she misses Ripley’s head, allowing the Riptide to give Ripley the pin and the title at 14:15.

Rating: B-. Perfectly fine match, but there was no story coming in and the ending did kind of come out of nowhere. What matters here though is they got the winner right as Asuka has done just about everything she can with the title. Also, it was kind of nice to not have it be Charlotte giving Asuka a major loss for a change. Good match here, though not exactly a break the door down debut for Ripley.

We recap Fiend beating Randy Orton. That might not be the right thing to recap.

Here are Hulk Hogan and Titus O’Neil to thank the fans and everyone who made this possible but Bayley interrupts. She demands her thank you and pyro because she has been carrying this show on her back for the last two nights…..and here are the Bellas to interrupt. Bayley: “I don’t know what you heard, but John Cena is not here tonight!” Nikki slaps her and Brie gives her a facebuster as the fans are not pleased. Hulk and Titus dance with the Bellas to wrap it up.

Here’s what’s coming to Peacock, with the main focus on the Ruthless Aggression series.

We recap the main event of Roman Reigns defending the Universal Title against Edge and Daniel Bryan. Edge won the Royal Rumble after returning from another long term injury, but wasn’t happy that Daniel Bryan is complaining about not getting his own shot. Bryan won the Elimination Chamber and then had to face Reigns immediately, with Reigns winning in less than two minutes. Bryan wanted another shot and had Reigns tapping at Fastlane but guest referee Edge cost him the match after accidentally getting knocked down. Therefore, it’s a triple threat for the title.

Universal Title: Roman Reigns vs. Edge vs. Daniel Bryan

Reigns is defending and Edge gets a monster pop. Paul Heyman and Jey Uso, with the lei’s, are here with Reigns. We’re ready to go after the Big Match Intros and Reigns decks Bryan at the bell. Edge hammers on Reigns but Bryan is back up, only to be thrown outside. Uso drops Bryan on the floor and then does the same to Edge, leaving Reigns as the only one up. Reigns loads up the announcers’ table but Bryan is back up with the suicide dive.

Uso is right there to take both of them down though, earning himself a whip into the steps from Edge. Reigns gets posted too and Edge is the only one left standing. The Edgecution plants Uso on the steps and medics come in to take him out. That leaves Bryan to hurricanrana Edge off the top but Edge rolls him up for two. Reigns is back up on the apron so Bryan slides between his legs to pull him back to the floor.

Bryan’s missile dropkick hits Edge and he nips up but Reigns counters the suicide dive into an overhead belly to belly. Back in and Edge counters the Superman Punch into the Edgecution but loads up the spear instead f covering. The spear is cut off with a Superman Punch so Reigns loads up his own spear. That’s countered into a sunset flip for two, leaving them to both try spears at the same time and collide.

Bryan comes back in with a Swan Dive each with Reign having to kick out. Edge is knocked outside, leaving Bryan to stomp on Reigns’ head over and over. The YES Lock goes on (and Heyman’s eyes pop up) until Edge makes a save to give us a quick breather. Bryan YES Locks Edge with Reigns making a save this time, setting up a powerbomb to drive Bryan into Edge. Reigns isn’t done though as he takes Bryan outside for a powerbomb off the steps and through the announcers’ table, allowing Edge to spear Reigns off the steps for the three way knockdown.

Edge is up first and grabs a chair to knock Reigns down again. The Crossface, complete with a piece of the chair in Reigns’ mouth, has Reigns in trouble inside but Bryan comes in with a YES Lock to Reigns at the same time. Bryan and Edge headbutt the heck out of each other for the break so Bryan stomps on Edge’s head too. The running knee is countered by Edge’s spear though and another spear gets two on Reigns with Bryan having to pull the referee out.

Edge is incensed so he chairs Bryan in the back. The chair is taken inside so Edge can chair both of them over and over as the psycho eyes are back at full strength (he was always great at those). With both of them down, Edge loads up a pair of Conchairtos, because covering is a little too basic for him. The first Conchairto hits Bryan but Jey Uso is back in to save Reigns but Edge spears him down. Reigns spears Edge down and gives him a Conchairto for the double pin at 21:49.

Rating: A-. I really liked this and above all else, it came off as a Wrestlemania quality match and main event. I’m rather pleased with the ending as well, even if it seemed like the least likely result. You could feel all three as possible winners more than once and that is a great feeling to have. Awesome main event here and by far the best match of the two nights.

A lot of pyro and replays take us out.

Overall Rating: B-. The first hour really dragged this one down a lot but they did what they could to make up for it. The very good main event helped it a lot and allowed it to overcome a fairly weak middle of the show, but that first hour was the big problem. This one felt more like Wrestlemania than the first night, though the real version is somewhere between the two with some stuff cut out. It still isn’t a great Wrestlemania or even very close, but what we got was very good and I’ll take that after last year’s mostly forgotten show.

Overall Overall Rating: B. Two good halves make for a rather good weekend and it felt like WWE was back to normal, if only for two nights. I know it is time to go back to the Thunderdome (even the new one this time) but it was so nice to have things back to normal for a change. The wrestling was mostly (though not entirely) good and we had some memorable moments, though it is pretty clear that they need to fine tune the Wrestlemania formula again before Dallas. Still though, very enjoyable weekend and it made me smile about wrestling for the first time in a good while.

Results

Randy Orton b. The Fiend – RKO

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler b. Tamina/Natalya – Kirifuda Clutch to Natalya

Kevin Owens b. Sami Zayn – Stunner

Sheamus b. Riddle – Brogue Kick

Apollo Crews b. Big E. – Chokeslam

Rhea Ripley b. Asuka – Riptide

Roman Reigns b. Daniel Bryan and Edge – Double pin

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Wrestlemania XXXVI Night Two
Date: April 5, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re back for more of the same and that might not be the worst thing in the world. Last night’s part one wasn’t half bad but they are going to have a hard time surpassing that main event. There are eight more matches, plus the required Kickoff Show match, tonight so hopefully they can have another good one. Let’s get to it.

Here are last night’s results if you need a recap.

Kickoff Show: Liv Morgan vs. Natalya

Morgan rolls her up for two to start so Natalya does the same for a standoff. Some more rollups get some more near falls until Morgan sends her into the corner. A running hip attack hits Natalya but she’s right back with her basement dropkick for two more. Natalya clotheslines her to the floor, followed by the surfboard back inside. Natalya: “ASK HER!!!!” That’s broken up and Liv’s Codebreaker gets two. The sitout wheelbarrow faceplant gives Natalya the same and they pinfall reversal sequence with Liv getting the pin at 6:33.

Rating: D+. Imagine that: a Natalya match being technically fine but completely emotionless. That’s been the definition of her career for years now and I don’t see it changing anytime soon. Liv getting a win is fine but there is no way that she is getting anywhere near the top of the division, leaving this as little more than a way to fill time.

Stephanie McMahon welcomes us to the show in a new message.

Same opening video as last night.

Rob Gronkowski welcomes us to the show and throws us to the first match.

NXT Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Rhea Ripley

Ripley is defending. The feel each other out to start with Charlotte going straight to the leg. That doesn’t work so Rhea gets in her face, earning some chops into the corner. Ripley is right back with Riptide for two and it’s time for a quick breather. They fight to the floor with Charlotte hitting a double chop but Rhea sends her into the steps. Back in and Rhea hits a dropkick before kicking away at the ribs.

A bodyscissors keeps Charlotte down but Rhea misses a running big boot and hurts her leg on the rope. Charlotte works on the leg, shrugs off a shot to the head, and bends the leg around on the mat. Rhea won’t quit so Charlotte works on the leg again. Back up and Rhea nails a basement dropkick, followed by some shouting at her own knee. The leg is fine enough for an electric chair faceplant for two, followed by a missile dropkick for the same, albeit after a delay because of the knee.

Charlotte chop blocks the knee though and Rhea is down again. The Figure Four doesn’t work again and Rhea reverses into the standing Cloverleaf. That’s broken up as well and Charlott knocks her down with another hard shot. The Figure Four is broken up again so Charlotte goes with a Boston crab instead.

Ripley gets out again and hits a quick big boot (thanks to some editing) for the double knockdown. Rhea takes her up top but gets slammed back down, though she’s able to raise her boots to block the moonsault. A horrible looking spear gives Charlotte two but the Figure Four finally goes on. The Figure Eight makes Ripley tap at 20:26.

Rating: C+. CHARLOTTE! WINS!! AGAIN!!! I have no idea why they needed to have her beat Rhea clean in their first match but I’m sure it has something to do with some kind of tribute to Ric Flair, who hasn’t had one in a while. I’m sick of seeing Charlotte with a title and it almost scares me to imagine how many titles she’s going to wind up with in the end.

We recap last night.

Aleister Black vs. Bobby Lashley

Lana is here with Lashley. Black gets tossed around to start and Lashley hammers away, only to get low bridged to the floor. A running big boot puts Lashley on the floor but Black misses the moonsault. Lashley snaps off the overhead belly to belly but can’t get a suplex back inside. Instead Black kicks him in the chest, only to walk into a snap powerslam for two. Another suplex gets another two and Lashley loads up the Dominator, but Lana tells him to do the spear. That earns him Black Mass for the sudden pin at 7:14.

Rating: D+. This was a way to get Black on the show, and by that I mean a way for him to get beaten up until Lana and Lana alone cost Lashley the match. I’m glad Black won but if you want him to look good, just have him kick Lashley’s head off and win. It’s not like Lashley has anything going on at the moment, but now I’m sure we can get the big fallout with Lana now, because we need another part to that story.

Bayley complains about the elimination match and knows Sasha Banks won’t turn on her. With Bayley gone, Sasha is asked how much she wants to win the title. You’ll have to watch and see.

Money in the Bank ad.

Gronk would like to win the 24/7 Title.

We recap Otis vs. Dolph Ziggler. Otis was going to go on a Valentine’s Day date with Mandy Rose but Ziggler crashed it when Otis was late. Mandy wanted nothing else to do with Otis after that but it turns out that Sonya Deville stole Mandy’s phone and told Otis she would be late (and deleted the texts) so it would fall apart.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Otis

Sonya Deville is here with Ziggler. Otis misses a charge to start and gets superkicked outside in a hurry. That gets one back inside so Ziggler grabs a neckbreaker into the jumping elbow for two. The chinlock goes on but Otis is back up with a catapult. A hard whip sends Ziggler into the corner and a pop up World’s Strongest Slam plants him again. Sonya gets on the apron for a distraction though and Ziggler gets in a low blow. Cue Mandy to take out Sonya and hit Ziggler low, setting up the Caterpillar for the pin at 8:23.

Rating: D+. I was wrong on this one as I didn’t think they would let Otis pin Dolph. I’m rather please by the result and even though it wasn’t much of a match, at least they pulled the trigger on something. You can pencil in the mixed tag coming up and that’s all well and good, though I’m not sure where they can go after that.

Post match Otis picks Mandy up and they get the first kiss.

We recap Edge vs. Randy Orton. Edge came back at the Royal Rumble but Orton attacked him the next night and put him back on the shelf. Orton said Edge was an adrenaline junkie and he attacked him so Edge wouldn’t ruin his life like Orton did. To make it worse, Orton RKOed Edge’s wife (who is a Hall of Famer who wrestled earlier this year so we needed to act like he shot her). Now it’s a Last Man Standing match as this is very personal.

Edge vs. Randy Orton

Last Man Standing. Edge comes out first and glares at the stage for Orton….who is disguised as a cameraman and runs in for an RKO before the bell. The bell rings and it’s another RKO but Edge falls to the floor at nine. They fight back backstage with Orton knocking Edge through some doors. It goes onto the gym with Orton knocking him down again, setting up some choking with a rope on a machine.

Edge gets out and hits a dropkick through some machines before choking away at Orton. Some forearms put Orton in a chair and Edge pulls himself up on a bar for a seated senton of all things. Back up and they slug it out into another room with a red light. Both guys are sent face first into a garage door and it’s back into the arena. Orton shoves him off a platform and into the barricade before they stumble backstage again.

Edge’s head gets bounced off of another wall for a six count and it’s time to go into the office area. This time it’s Orton being sent into a wall but Edge kicks him in the ribs at nine. Orton gets thrown onto the big table so Edge pulls himself up onto part of the ceiling to drop an elbow. The cameraman gets knocked down but another one catches them up in the big storage facility in the back.

Both of them bounce off of various things until Orton knocks him onto a storage crate. Edge gets sent into some steps and Orton starts looking around. That’s good for another nine so they wind up in what looks like the promo area. Edge throws something at Orton’s leg to take him down and some more shots to the face do it again. Orton is placed on a table and drops a huge elbow.

They go to a truck with a cover on the bed and Orton hits the hanging DDT for nine. Edge climbs onto some crates and then on top of an NXT semi truck. Orton and the referee follow them up and it’s a spear to drop Orton. That’s good for nine but another spear is countered into an RKO.

Edge is up at nine as well but Orton has dropped down to the floor next to the biggest ladder I’ve ever seen in WWE (it’s on the floor and is WAY higher than the top of the semi truck). Instead Orton takes some chairs up to the top of the truck to load up the Conchairto. Edge grabs a head and arm choke though and Orton is out. Hold on though as Edge waves off the count so he can hit the Conchairto. Orton is finally done at 36:39.

Rating: B. This one is going to be divisive and I can understand that. If my math is right, this was the longest non-Iron Man match in Wrestlemania history, though it didn’t feel that long. It felt like two guys who wanted to hurt each other and were doing whatever they could to accomplish that. I liked the unique atmosphere and some of the spot, with the Conchairto making for a good finish.

After a quick breather, here’s Mojo Rawley with the Mob chasing him. Gronk shows up and dives off a platform to take out the pile, allowing him to pin Rawley for the title.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Street Profits vs. Austin Theory/Angel Garza

The Profits are defending. Dawkins shoulders Theory down to start and the champs start working on the arm. That’s fine with Theory, who sends Dawkins to the floor, allowing Theory to mock the dancing. Garza gets in a superkick on the floor, TAKES OFF HIS PANTS, and misses a clothesline so Dawkins can tag Ford in.

A DDT gets two on Ford and Garza hits the moonsault onto both champs on the floor. The Lionsault gets two more on Ford back inside but Ford pops up with an enziguri. Dawkins comes in and runs Garza over, only to get caught in Theory’s TKO. Ford frog splashes his way in for the save though and Dawkins gets the cover to retain at 6:23.

Rating: D+. If ever there was a match to cut for the sake of time. This was a weird one as there was no reason to believe the title change was taking place and then the finish felt like something the heels would do to win. There are no teams to challenge the Profits at the moment and I don’t see Theory and Garza changing that anytime soon.

Post match Garza and Theory stay on Ford but Bianca Belair runs in for the save. That means a KOD on Zelina.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Lacey Evans vs. Tamina vs. Naomi vs. Sasha Banks vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending and this is under elimination rules. Tamina shrugs off the gang attack to start so Lacey chop blocks her down. The other four slug it out with Bayley and Sasha double teaming Lacey. Naomi makes a quick save as a mini tag match breaks out. Tamina comes back in to run everyone over and we actually get a Team Bad reunion. That lasts for all of three seconds as everyone goes after Tamina, including something off the top each. A dog pile pin gets rid of Tamina at 6:23.

Naomi dives onto Sasha but Lacey misses a dive onto Bayley, earning a ram into the steps. A sunset flip gives Naomi two on Bayley and Sasha at the same time, followed by a sliding slip to both. The Rear View hits Sasha and a Bubba Bomb into the reverse Rings of Saturn….is broken up by Bayley. The Bank Statement gets rid of Naomi (Bayley: “DANCE TO THE BACK!”) at 10:36 and we’re down to three.

Bayley shouts about Lacey’s daughter though, allowing Lacey to avoid the running knee. Sasha is knocked silly instead so Lacey small packages Bayley for two. Back in and Sasha yells at Bayley, who shoves Sasha out of the way of the Woman’s Right. Lacey hits the second attempt though and Banks is done at 13:23.

After a replay where you can hear Cole shouting commentary, Bayley mocks Lacey with a salute and shoves her face against the rope. Lacey gets posted for two so Bayley ties her arm to the corner with the tag rope. Since that’s kind of a stupid plan, Lacey kicks her way out and hits the slingshot Bronco Busters in the corner. After a slow motion salute, Lacey’s double jump moonsault gets two. Cue Sasha with a Backstabber to Lacey though and Bayley’s weird bulldog driver retains at 19:15.

Rating: D. Well that was long and served little purpose. Bayley has held the title since last May (save for a four day Charlotte reign) and I’m not sure what else there is for her to do. Unless they do Bayley vs. Becky (unlikely), what is the point in keeping it on her much longer? I’m sure we’ll get to Bayley vs. Banks again eventually, but dang that sounds as appealing as watching this match all over again.

Titus O’Neil takes Gronk’s place as host.

Wrestlemania XXXVII is in Los Angeles.

We recap The Fiend vs. John Cena in the Firefly Fun House. After Cena said that he didn’t want to wrestle at this year’s show, Fiend popped up to challenge him. Cena accepted, and then Bray Wyatt went on to say that he blamed Cena for the rise of the Fiend. See, Cena beat him at Wrestlemania XXX and messed with Bray’s mind, leading to the creation of the Fiend. Therefore, tonight Cena goes to the Fun House.

John Cena vs. The Fiend

Cena makes his entrance but the Firefly Fun House pops up, with Bray saying that Cena is about to face himself. Then Cena is teleported to the Fun House (apparently the same way Seth Rollins got there back in October), where Ramblin Rabbit sends him through a door after the Fiend. Cena follows and finds the Vince puppet, asking if Cena has the ruthless aggression to make it in this company.

We see Wyatt copying the Kurt Angle promo to challenge Cena from 2002 and here’s 2020 Cena in 2002 Cena attire. Cena keeps saying RUTHLESS AGGRESSION but misses a bunch of shots. Bray: “You can look but you can’t touch!” And now it’s the Saturday Night’s Main Event opening, with Bray standing behind a cage and imitating Hulk Hogan. Cena (Johnny Largemeat) comes up and starts rapidly lifting weights, apparently destroying his arms in the process.

Vince and the Mercy the Buzzard are on commentary as Bray asks what happens when Cena realizes that Ego Mania has been running wild on him. Bray sends him off camera to the Smackdown Fist where Cena is the Dr. of Thugnomics, with Bray dancing to Basic Thuganomics. They’re back in the ring and Cena finds out that he can only speak in rhymes, including a Husky Harris reference.

Bray calls Cena a bully and a horrible person who takes the weaknesses of others and turns them into jokes. With that, Bray gives him the floor so Cena throws him Deez Nuts. Cena, in the Babe Ruth jersey from last year, misses a charge and gets knocked out by a chain. Now it’s Bray back in the Wyatt Family gear and sitting in the rocking chair as we see clips of Wrestlemania XXX.

The fans wanted and needed him that night and now it’s time to rewrite his own story. They’re back in the ring now with Bray dancing with the unconscious Cena and loading up Sister Abigail. He lets Cena go though and drops down, handing Cena a chair in a recreation of Wrestlemania XXX. Bray tells Cena to fix his mistake from last year but Bray disappears away from Cena’s swing.

And now it’s…..NWO MONDAY NITRO??? Bray is Eric Bischoff (with the jacket and a Wolfpac shirt) and introduces Cena as Hollywood Hogan. Cena takes Bray down and unloads as we see clips of Cena’s past. He wakes up as himself and sees that he’s beating up Huskus the Pig. The Fiend appears behind him and gives him the Mandible Claw to knock Cena out. We hear Cena’s promo about ending the most overrated overhyped superstar ever and the Claw goes back on with Bray counting the pin. Cena teleports away and the Fiend stands alone.

No rating as this wasn’t a match but I got into this. It’s a rather interesting character study of Cena and you can get what they’re going with in Fiend making him face his fears. Back in the day, CM Punk said that Cena had become the New York Yankees: the big bad who held people down and used money to get what he wants (or going from the Real American Hogan to Hollywood Hogan as they used here).

That’s what Fiend is showing Cena here and it scared Cena that he had changed so much and become what he fought against for so many years. Now granted, if you haven’t been glued to WWE for the last….oh eight years or so, this made no sense, but the effort and thought was ALL there and I got most of what they were going for, plus some of the complete insanity that went along with it. Not a match, but kind of a fascinating weird look into the WWE psyche.

We cut to Titus O’Neil. Titus: “I don’t know what I just saw.”

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Drew McIntyre. Lesnar is World Champion but Drew eliminated him from the Royal Rumble and then won the whole thing, earning him this spot. Drew has kicked his head off a few times since then to show he can hang with Brock.

Raw World Title: Drew McIntyre vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and gets Claymored for two after about ten seconds. Another Claymore misses and it’s time to go to Suplex City. The F5 gets one and Brock isn’t happy. Another F5 gets two and there’s the third for another two. Another F5 is countered and McIntyre hits two more Claymores. A fourth gives Drew the pin and the title at 4:28.

Rating: D. I’m happy that McIntyre won but GOOD GRIEF STOP DOING THAT SAME MATCH OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER! It’s a cool idea one time and then don’t do it again for years. This is all Lesnar does anymore and now it’s creeping over into other main events too. It loses its impact when they keep doing it again and again and now you’ve grown to expect it every time. Anyway, great moment to end the show and McIntyre as champion is awesome, assuming they don’t have Lesnar win it back in two months again.

Overall Rating: C-. I didn’t like this one as much as last night’s but it still wasn’t terrible. This one definitely felt like the bigger show and had the more intriguing matches (for the most part). I’m not wild on some of the booking decisions but it felt more like a Wrestlemania and that’s what matters. The crowd being gone didn’t bother me as much either, but the wrestling itself just wasn’t as good. Overall, not bad but last night’s felt tighter and more enjoyable.

Overall Overall Rating: C. With something like this, it’s almost impossible to give the thing a fair rating. When you factor in the day in between and the weird atmosphere, the show was pretty much just ok. There were some very good matches but some that made me wonder why I was wasting my time. Overall it’s an enjoyable one off, but I’m still not behind the idea of a two night Wrestlemania going forward. Until WWE can cut these things WAY down and trim off so much of the unnecessary stuff, it needs to be one night and one night only, just for the sake of sanity if nothing else.

Results

Charlotte b. Rhea Ripley – Figure Eight

Aleister Black b. Bobby Lashley – Black Mass

Otis b. Dolph Ziggler – Caterpillar

Edge b. Randy Orton when Orton couldn’t answer the ten count

Street Profits b. Angel Garza/Austin Theory – Frog splash to Theory

Bayley b. Sasha Banks, Naomi, Tamina and Lacey Evans – Bulldog driver to Evans

Drew McIntyre b. Brock Lesnar – Claymore

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Just please…..let it be over.

Please, please, PLEASE let this be the end of this stupid feud. As is usually the case with anything the Fiend does, this has gone on WAY too long and gotten far too ridiculous. They need to just let this this wrap up already because I’m almost scared to know what they would think of next. The feud isn’t working and hasn’t for a long time now, so just let it be over.

Speaking of over, I’ll say Fiend goes over, as he deserves some revenge after what happened to him last year. Throw in deserving some revenge after the awful Wrestlemania match they had before and Fiend should absolutely get the win here. I’m not sure what is next for either of them but all that matters is that they do something else, because this needed to end a long time ago.

Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 82,265
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

We’re back to this show after a year away and I’m not sure what to think about this one. I wasn’t in the stadium for this one and for once that is making me remember the show a little bit better. This whole thing is centered around a few matches, as Wrestlemania always tends to be. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Buddy Murphy vs. Tony Nese

Murphy is defending and this is during Nese’s (who won a tournament to get here) not so great face run. First good thing: there are a bunch of people in their seats already so the place doesn’t look ridiculous. Murphy misses a running knee at the bell so Nese hammers away in the corner and tells the fans that this is his Wrestlemania moment. A cartwheel off the apron lets Nese hit him in the jaw but Murphy grabs a fireman’s carry drop onto the corner (Colt Cabana’s Chicago Skyline) as we take a break.

Back with Murphy holding a chinlock but getting suplexed into the corner to cut things off. Some running elbows to the face rock Murphy and the Lionsault, with Murphy hanging in the ropes, gets two. Nese catches him on the ropes with a palm strike, only to get pulled into a Cheeky Nandos kick. A powerbomb into a spinning faceplant gives Murphy two as we get the “still filing in line” from commentary. Murphy’s Law is countered and Nese hits a reverse hurricanrana to put them both down again.

Murphy wins a strike off but Nese is right back with a sunset driver for his own near fall as the fans are finally getting into this. The running Nese doesn’t get to launch so Nese hits the Fosbury Flop instead. Back in and the 450 gets two in a surprising near fall. The jumping knee connects out of nowhere and Murphy’s Law gets two as Nese gets a foot on the rope. Ever the villain, Murphy tries his own running Nese, which is cut off by a superkick. The real running Nese finishes Murphy at 10:44.

Rating: C. The 205 Live guys had several matches that would blow this one away but at least they had a nice moment in the end with the fans getting into things. Nese as a face didn’t exactly click but beating Murphy felt like a bit deal. It’s a nice mini feel good moment to start what is going to be a long night.

Kickoff Show: Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Zelina Vega, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Liv Morgan, Sarah Logan, Ruby Riott, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Maria Kanellis, Asuka, Sonya Deville, Candice LeRae, Naomi, Nikki Cross, Lana, Dana Brooke, Mickie James

Only Naomi and Asuka get entrances. Nikki goes nuts to start and it’s a big brawl, as a battle royal should be. Maria is out in a hurry and Asuka knocks out Candice and Nikki back to back. Ember and Naomi trade hurricanranas until the former hits a quick springboard Eclipse on Lana. Another Eclipse gets rid of Naomi and there’s the real version to Mandy. Ember goes up again but Lana (the one in the designated Captain Marvel attire) shoves her out.

Sane hits an Alabama Slam on Lana and goes up like a schnook, only to get shoved to the apron by Logan. Even the bigger schnook, Logan doesn’t eliminate her but rather joins the rest of the Riott Squad to go after Lana. The elimination doesn’t take long but Sane drops Logan. The Insane Elbow connects, only t have the Squad get together and eliminate Sane without much trouble. An assisted flipping Stunner rocks Vega but AGAIN Logan doesn’t get the elimination.

Instead the Squad goes after Asuka and again they don’t eliminate her. Brooke gets to fight off all three of them and manages a slow motion Thesz press on Morgan. Riott goes after Brooke and gets tossed, with Morgan following her out. Brooke’s handspring elbow hits Vega’s knees though and the running knees in the corner make it worse. Rose and Deville get rid of Vega and Brooke, meaning we can get a big hug.

We’re down to Rose, Deville, Asuka, James, Logan and Carmella, the latter of whom seems to be on the floor because that’s something you have to have in battle royals these days. James hurricanranas Rose to the apron and superkicks her out, only to get dropped by Deville. Asuka beats up Logan and Deville at once but she manages to toss Deville. Logan gets rid of Asuka but, say it with me, Carmella is still in and superkicks Logan out for the win at 10:33.

Rating: D. Holy sweet goodness I can’t stand that finish and yet we seem to get it in every few battle royals (including last year’s women’s battle royal). I know Carmella getting the win is for the sake of the New York fans but egads this feels like a waste of a match, which tends to be the case with so many of these pre-show battle royals. In other words: more of the same stuff that wasn’t good in the first place.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder

Revival is defending and picked the match because they thought it would be an easy win. See, Hawkins hasn’t won a match in two and a half years so of course he gets a Wrestlemania title shot (you have to keep the New York crowd happy you see). Dawson shoves Hawkins down to start and then pats him on the cheek in the corner. We get a recap of the Edgeheads as Dawson headlocks Hawkins down.

Ryder comes in as we hear about how the show in “the shadow of New York”, which is acknowledged as New Jersey, likely for one of the only times tonight. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Wilder down but Dawson low bridges him out to the floor. Something close to a top rope Demolition Decapitator gets two and the armbar goes on. Dawson comes back in and rips at the face before working on his own armbar.

That’s enough of that so Wilder grabs another armbar (he’s up 2-1 on Dawson) to keep Ryder down. Ryder fights up again but neckbreakers his way out of a double suplex. With Hawkins being distracted, the champs cheat to set up a hard clothesline for two more. The assisted legdrop gives Wilder two and we hit the chinlock as this keeps going. Ryder finally suplexes his way to freedom and there’s the hot tag to Hawkins.

House is cleaned until it’s a double clothesline to put Hawkins and Dawson down at the same time. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson but Ryder and Wilder crash out to the floor. Wilder saves Dawson at two and tornado DDTs Ryder on the floor. A brainbuster drops Hawkins outside as well and they’re all down for a bit. Back in and Hawkins is dead but manages a small package for the pin and the titles at 13:20. Hawkins slowly realizing that not only is the match over but that they won is kind of awesome.

Rating: D+. This went on too long but the ending was fine after setting everything up for so long with the losing streak. Hawkins and Ryder are a likable team so it’s not like them winning the titles is a bad idea. Besides, WWE has already taken away anything that the Revival could offer (and yet it would still get worse) so the loss doesn’t do a ton of damage to them anyway.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Otis, Karl Anderson, Andrade, Gran Metalik, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Bo Dallas, Colin Jost Jeff Hardy, No Way Jose, Lince Dorado, Bobby Roode, Konnor, Tyler Breeze, Viktor, Luke Harper, Ali, Apollo Crews, Michael Che, Titus O’Neil, Tucker, Braun Strowman, Shelton Benjamin, Jinder Mahal, Matt Hardy, Curtis Axel, Rhyno, Luke Gallows, EC3, Kalisto

So the big deal here is Jost and Che are from Saturday Night Live and Strowman doesn’t like them. The two of them bail to the floor and hide under the ring as Axel is out in about ten seconds. Dorado takes a SCARY bump to the floor with Breeze, EC3 and Benjamin following him out. There goes Dallas as well but it’s time for a staredown with Strowman and Harper.

That’s broken up in a hurry and Titus gets rid of Slater. As expected, Titus is out a few seconds later off a missed charge and Ali gets rid of Jose. Ascension sends Strowman shoulder first into the post for a crash to the floor (through the ropes so no elimination). Anderson isn’t so lucky as he gets tossed and the Hardys do the same to Rhyno. Roode and Metalik are out next as the ring is starting to empty a bit.

Andrade tosses Kalisto onto Metalik but Gable rolls Andrade with German suplexes. Since it’s Gable though, Andrade throws him out in a hurry, leaving Otis to hit a double Caterpillar on the Ascension. They’re both out as well but Strowman is back in to get rid of Gallows, Tucker and Otis in a row. There goes Mahal as Harper tries to suplex Ali over the top. With Ali hanging upside down, Strowman kicks Harper out, nearly dropping Ali on his head in a very near miss.

We’re down to Strowman, Andrade, Matt, Jeff and Crews in the ring with Che and Jost still underneath the ring. Andrade and Crews go to the apron and Andrade tries a hurricanrana for no intelligent reason in a double elimination. Strowman puts the Hardys on the apron in the battle of North Carolina as Che and Jost get back inside. They can’t get rid of Strowman, who dumps the Hardys and is ready for the destruction.

Jost grabs a mic though and says this doesn’t need to end in violence. He presents his personal therapist, whose breathing exercises earn him a chokeslam. Che tries to eliminate himself but Strowman punches himself out instead. Strowman misses a charge and almost gets eliminated but powers through it and tosses Jost for the win at 10:27.

Rating: D+. Yeah it’s stupid and the SNL guys added nothing to the whole thing but Strowman won in the end and there were some nice spots (granted they went with some scary ones) throughout. It isn’t anything better or worse than your usual “get them all in there” battle royal and it could have been worse. That’s high praise for something like this anymore.

And with that Smackdown length Kickoff Show out of the way, we can get on with the real show. Isn’t modern WWE great?

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful and we get the big helicopter flyover.

The opening video, complete with a WWE Presents, features the wrestlers talking about how Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage. Tonight, this is their stage and they are the players. We get the classic moments of course because this show is built around history. They do a good job of starting this slowly and then building it up into a big feeling. As usual, WWE’s promo videos are nothing short of incredible and somehow they manage to get better a lot of the time. That being said, wrestlers calling themselves storytellers doesn’t sound right.

Maybe it’s how many times I’ve heard the song on highlight packages since then, but that Love Runs Out theme song is really catchy.

Here’s Alexa Bliss, the host for the evening, to open things up. Bliss talks about how this show needs a goddess and if she snaps her fingers, she can make a Wrestlemania moment. A snap of her fingers produces Hulk Hogan, who is happy to be back here in the Silverdome. That gets a chuckle so then he calls it the MetLife Center in a joke that doesn’t go over as well. Hogan and Bliss pose together in a cute moment.

Hold on though as Paul Heyman storms out and says we’re doing the Universal Title match RIGHT NOW. The faster Lesnar wins, the faster he can go to Las Vegas where he is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is defending after winning the Royal Rumble and gets a big BEAST SLAYER intro. At least BURN IT DOWN gets a big reaction so they’re doing something right. Lesnar jumps him before the bell and knees Rollins off the apron. An F5 plants Rollins on the floor and a hard whip into the barricade makes it even worse. Rollins gets tossed over the announcers’ table as the beating is on in a big way. That’s not enough for Lesnar so he throws Rollins over another table before throwing Rollins inside.

Heyman and Lesnar talk the angry trash but it’s back to the floor before the opening bell. Cole: “Seth Rollins never had a chance!” And there’s your usual WWE line that gives away the ending. Brock throws Rollins over the announcers’ table for a third time and then through the cover of the announcers’ table. They go back in for the opening bell and there’s the first German suplex. Lesnar: “SUPLEX CITY B******!” Give him his t-shirt money.

The second suplex sends him flying again as Cole brings up the Wrestlemania XXXI cash-in. The F5 is countered though and Rollins gets in a low blow. That means a low superkick and three straight Stomps make Rollins champion at 2:30. It was an exciting start and the whole thing from Lesnar’s first attack ran about 7:00. They had to get the title onto Rollins here (though more importantly off of Lesnar) and this was certainly a memorable way to do it. Certainly more so than when they did it again in a longer form four and a half months later.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

This is your “here are two big names without much else to do” match. Orton eliminated him from the Elimination Chamber and they got in an argument about who built Smackdown. Orton’s big CGI snakes really don’t look great but those things are hit and miss for everyone. AJ headlocks him to start and is promptly driven into the corner. A very early threat of an RKO sends AJ bailing to the corner and it’s another standoff.

Orton pokes him in the eye and hits a dropkick to take over, including a boot across the eye to make it even worse. AJ gets in his own dropkick though as they’re pretty even in the early minutes. With Orton taking a breather on the floor, AJ scores with the slingshot forearm, only to get knocked off the apron and hard into the barricade. Back in and the chinlock goes on as the fans start chanting something I can’t understand.

That’s broken up so AJ hits the sliding forearm, setting up the fireman’s carry backbreaker for two. An early Styles Clash attempt is countered into a powerslam to give Orton his own near fall as the slow pace continues. The Calf Crusher attempt is countered without much trouble but the second attempt is slapped on in the middle of the ring. Not that the fans are exactly interested but AJ did get it on. That’s broken up in a hurry so AJ heads to the apron for the Phenomenal Forearm.

Orton jumps up to RKO him out of the air (as he had done last week) but AJ holds back, leaving Orton to crash. The springboard 450 gets two but Orton is right back with the backbreaker. Orton’s rather good looking top rope superplex has AJ crashing down for two and an uppercut gets a crazy loud pop (that had to be for something else). The hanging DDT gets no reaction but Orton walking around does, as I’m almost scared to imagine what had the fans’ attention.

AJ hits an enziguri to block the RKO, only to walk into it on the second attempt. That’s only good for two as well and Orton is shocked. With nothing else working, Orton loads up a super RKO, which is escaped without a lot of effort. A Pele sends Orton to the floor and the Phenomenal Forearm knock him even sillier. Back in and Orton still can’t hit the RKO, meaning it’s another Phenomenal Forearm to give AJ the pin at 16:12.

Rating: C-. Things got a bit better by the end but it never got going at any intense level. These two are capable of a lot but it was rather slow paced for the most part and when the match is going that long, it can get pretty tiresome in a hurry. It’s not bad in any sense but it wasn’t exciting and you know these two could do a lot better. That makes it more frustrating than anything else, as I kept waiting for them to get going and they never really did.

Here’s Lacey Evans to continue doing her thing of walking around, smiling, and then walking back.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Rusev/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Bar vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black

The Usos are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. There is something so awesome about seeing the look on Ricochet’s face as he walks onto the stage. You can see what it means to him and there is no faking that kind of a feeling. This also marks Ricochet and Black’s third shot at different titles this week, after Raw and NXT title shots earlier in the week. Jimmy and Black start things off with a feeling out process until Sheamus tags himself in to face Black.

The armbar doesn’t last long as Rusev tags Sheamus and runs Black over. Nakamura comes in for a kick to the back but the rapid fire tags continue, with Jimmy coming in to Samoa drop Black. Nakamura kicks Jimmy into a tag to Ricochet, who does a very spinny headscissors on Cesaro. Since it’s just a headscissors though, Cesaro uppercuts Ricochet down and starts swinging him, as Sheamus forearms everyone else.

After a nearly 40 second swing (geez), the Sharpshooter goes on in the middle of the ring. Black makes the save and strikes away, setting up a springboard moonsault for two on Rusev. Nakamura is back in with some running knees to Black, meaning Ricochet has to make a save of his own. That earns him a swinging Rock Bottom from Rusev and it’s time for the nine man Tower of Doom. Just to show off, Ricochet flips out and lands safely in the corner, setting up the 630 for two on Sheamus. We hit the parade of kicks to the face with the Usos superkicking Sheamus down. The Double Us retains the titles at 10:05.

Rating: B. This was almost all action from bell to bell and that’s all you can do with a match like this one. Let them do whatever they want and get in spot after spot for a little while. They didn’t overstay their welcome either, as this match got in the right amount of time. Good stuff here and one of the more entertaining things all night so far.

Hall of Fame recap. Thankfully Bret being attacked isn’t mentioned whatsoever.

Here’s the class being presented in the stadium:

Honky Tonk Man (How was he not in yet?)

Harlem Heat (Perfectly fine.)

Torrie Wilson (The new low benchmark.)

Brutus Beefcake (Again, how was he not in yet?)

Hart Foundation (Should have been earlier so Neidhart could be there but long overdue as well.)

Sue Aitchison (Warrior Award.)

D-Generation X (I’m sure they had to twist their arms to get here. Deserved of course.)

We recap Miz vs. Shane McMahon. Somehow Shane won the World Cup despite not being in the tournament and Miz, the man he replaced in the finals, was jealous. Miz’s dad thought they should team together so they won the Tag Team Titles. The reign didn’t last long though and they split up, with Shane turning on Miz. Tonight, it’s Falls Count Anywhere. This was in the middle of Shane’s RIDICULOUS run near the top of Smackdown where he was all over the show and beating main eventers, including that Tag Team Title win. Of course he gets a big Wrestlemania match, because that’s what makes sense for such a star.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere, but hang on as Shane needs to hear his introduction three times in a row. With that out of the way, Shane bails to the floor at the bell so the chase is on, with Shane hitting his horrible punches. In a smart move, Shane grabs Miz’s dad (in the front row) and again, the chase goes badly for Miz as Shane hammers away. They head outside again with Shane loading up the announcers’ table.

A monitor shot to the head puts Miz on the table but Miz’s dad blocks the big elbow. Shane gets down so Miz’s dad gets inside for the showdown, with Miz’s dad doing the pose that launched a subplot on the upcoming season of Miz and Mrs. Shane takes him into the corner and stomps away, drawing Miz back in for the beating. They fight to to the floor with Shane falling over the barricade but hold on as Miz wants someone to check on his dad.

With the medics doing their job, Miz dives over the barricade to take Shane down again. They fight over towards one of the big pillars that holds up the canopy over the ring but Shane fights out of the Skull Crushing Finale. Instead Shane grabs a DDT for two but Miz kicks him down off the stage. Shane is sent knee first into a barricade and Miz beats on him with a chair to blow off some more steam.

They wreck announcers’ row with Miz throwing him over every chair he can find, plus throwing some chairs around. Shane gets sent through a table for two, followed by a monitor shot to knock him over a barricade and onto the top of a well placed golf cart. That gives Miz a delayed two so he punches Shane up towards a production tower. A Skull Crushing Finale onto the platform gets two, because he’s Shane and Miz is just a former World Champion.

Shane fights back (of course) and climbs up to the top of the tower. Miz pursues so Shane begs off, even dropping to one knee. That earns him some left hands to the head and Miz superplexes him all the way down (after asking if Shane is ready) onto a crash pad. Worry not though as Shane lands on top for the pin at 15:25.

Rating: D-. I knew the ending was coming here and I still shake my head at the ending. Shane is the boss’ son but my goodness how hard can you push him? The worst part is that it is only going to get worse as the summer goes on, but this was a punch to the gut as Shane wins AGAIN, meaning he isn’t going away anytime soon. The superplex was a nice idea but showing the landing on the pad (which just happened to be there) took away all of the impact that it had. That is, whatever was left before Shane won of course.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: IIconics vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Nia Jax/Tamina vs. Sasha Banks/Bayley

Banks and Bayley are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Bret Hart is here with Beth and Natalya (who really feel like fill ins for Trish Stratus/Lita), though he doesn’t go beyond the stage. Tamina shoves Bayley down to start and superkicks Natalya for a bonus. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Nia being sent outside for a ram into the steps. Back in and Peyton rolls Sasha up for two and it’s a double kick to put drop Sasha again.

The Hardys’ Spin Cycle gets two on Banks but she’s right back with a backslide for the same. It’s back to Bayley for a sliding clothesline for two on Beth but Billie tags herself in. The IIconics take over on Beth, who is right back with a suplex to both of them at once. Natalya comes in for two but Bayley makes a fast save. The champs get in a fight with Beth and Natalya and it’s a Bank Statement to Phoenix. That’s broken up but the Glam Slam is countered into a rollup into the corner.

Natalya drops Sasha onto Bayley and they get the always fairly dumb looking double Sharpshooter treatment. This time it’s Tamina making the save and Nia comes back in to wreck everyone else. The IIconics get crushed with stereo Samoan drops but Beth shoves Nia off the top to break up a splash. Sasha takes Beth down as well and Bayley drops the top rope elbow, followed by Banks’ frog splash. The Tower of Doom is broken up so Beth hits a super Glam Slam on Bayley, with Kay making a blind tag. With Beth sent outside, Kay steals the pin and the titles at 10:47.

Rating: D. This went on too long and wasn’t all that interesting in the first place. The titles were brand new at this point and they already seemed pretty worthless, which would be proven over the next year. The fallout here is more interesting than the match itself, as you Nia would go away for about a year with double ACL surgery and Sasha (allegedly) threw a fit over losing and took the summer off.

The pilots from the Kickoff Show flyover are in the crowd. That’s always cool.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Kofi replaced the injured Ali in the Elimination Chamber and got down to the final two. That set up one of the most dramatic things that WWE has ever done, as Kofi got inches away from winning the title and the fans ate it up. It was clear that Kofi had to get the title at Wrestlemania or he never would, which sent Kofi and New Day into a crusade to finally get the title shot that had eluded him for eleven years.

After jumping through all kinds of hoops set by Vince McMahon, it took New Day winning a gauntlet match to get the shot, with their longtime rivals the Usos stepping aside in a great show of respect for Kofi. At the same time, Bryan said that Kofi was a B+ player in an awesome role reversal from his legendary run five years earlier.

The match was finally set and it was a heck of a story, as Kofi had put in so many years of building credibility to get here and was finally cashing in. This wasn’t JBL jumping up to the main event scene, as Kofi had pretty much won every title other than the World Title. That’s not a big jump, but it was hard to believe that they would actually pull the trigger here. In other words, this was EXCELLENT and would have headlined any other year.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging and has New Day in his corner, while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a gift for Kofi and promises it for after the match. I had forgotten how nice of a touch Bryan’s eco-friendly belt really was. They stare each other down to start and the fans are behind Kofi, which is almost hard to fathom until you realize that Bryan might be a better heel than face. Kofi’s headlock doesn’t get anywhere so they fight over a backslide. Bryan monkey flips him so Kofi lands on his feet, setting up a dropkick to the floor.

The big dive takes Bryan down again and the roster is behind Kofi in the back. Things slow down a bit as Bryan needs a breather with Rowan. Back in and Bryan uppercuts him a few times to set up the surfboard, which always looks awesome. That’s broken up in a hurry as usual, allowing Kofi to kick away in the corner. Bryan’s moonsault into the running clothesline is countered into something resembling the standing double stomp (almost a Thesz press as Kofi can’t hit it properly) for two.

Kofi’s jumping clothesline works a bit better and the Boom Drop connects. Bryan heads outside again so Kofi tries a springboard dive, which lands ribs first on the announcers’ table. You don’t have to ask Bryan twice to go after the ribs like that so he drops Kofi ribs first across the top rope. The ribs get sent into the corner and it’s off to a waistlock, which works a lot better this time around. Kofi fights up and elbows in the corner but a very quick Trouble in Paradise is countered into a Boston crab.

Bryan’s belly to back superplex is broken up with elbows to the face and Kofi hits a top rope splash to the back for two. They slug it out but Trouble in Paradise is countered again, only to countered into a small package to give Kofi two more. Kofi’s crossbody is rolled through though and Bryan pulls him into a failed LeBell Lock attempt so they’re both down for a second. The running knee is countered into the SOS but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock, with Bryan letting go for some more elbows to the ribs.

Kofi finally gets his foot on the rope and you can hear the sigh of relief. Bryan YES Kicks at the ribs even more but Kofi fires up and tells Bryan to kick him even harder. As Bryan backs away, Kofi throws his own kicks and busts out a reverse suplex for two. They head outside again so Rowan can go after New Day, earning himself Trouble in Paradise. The Midnight Hour on the floor takes care of Rowan and Kofi blocks Bryan’s suicide dive.

Back in and Bryan hits the running knee…..for two and a big pop on the kickout. Bryan has had it and unloads with stomps to the head to set up the LeBell Lock. Kofi breaks out again and blasts Bryan with forearms to the face with more aggression than you usually see from him. Bryan won’t let go of the wrist so Kofi stomps him right back, knocking Bryan silly. Trouble in Paradise gives Kofi the clean pin and the title at 23:45.

Rating: A. That is the definition of the Wrestlemania moment and it holds up to perfection a year later. The fans completely bought into the idea of Kofi fighting through everything and winning the title in the end and that’s all it should have been. Kofi is the kind of guy who has been around forever and built up so much good will that when he finally went after the title, everyone was on his side. That made for a special moment and it was amazing throughout as it’s something that I never thought I would see, but here it is. That’s a great thing to see as rare as it can be.

On top of that, this was an awesome match with both guys giving it everything they had. The story here was perfect with Kofi not being the wrestler Bryan was but knowing that this was his one shot and giving everything he had to achieve his dream when he could. The fans believed in him and there was no way he could lose in this spot. Outstanding stuff and if not for the historic main event, this would have headlined in a landslide. Watch this again and smile a lot.

Post match Woods and Big E. pull out the classic WWE Championship and hand it to Kofi for the first time (Kofi kneeling in the ring and waiting to have it presented to him is a great visual). The pyro goes off and Kofi’s sons get in the ring to celebrate with him and one of them holds up the title, which is almost bigger than he is. We’re not done yet though as Big E. brings in the present from earlier. It’s the first New Day shirt featuring Kofi as champion and his kids get to hold them up for a perfect visual. Woods: “THEY SAID WE COULDN’T MAKE IT! WE MADE IT TO THE TOP!” Outstanding.

Che and Jost are banged up so Bliss introduces them to Dr. Scott Hall and Dr. Kevin Nash. Ok then.

Booker T. is the next guest commentator.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and this year’s comic gear is…..well Mysterio appropriately enough. Now how did he never do that one before? Joe kicks him in the face but Rey is right back with the springboard hurricanrana. The 619 connects but Joe pulls him out of the air into the Koquina Clutch and Rey is out at 1:00, which may have something to do with Rey injuring his ankle on Monday. Booker being annoyed at wasting all the time on prep work is good for a chuckle.

Sneak peak of Batista’s new movie Stuber.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns returned from leukemia after a four month absence and he needs a first victim. Drew has run through the rest of the Shield as a bonus. This is your likely layup result of the show and that’s fine.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew gets played to the ring by the New York Bagpipe Band. They trade shots to the face to start so Reigns snaps off a Samoan drop for an early two. McIntyre is right back with a spinebuster into a jackknife cover for two of his own. The Glasgow Kiss knocks Reigns down again and McIntyre throws him into the corner for two. The chinlock/armbar goes on until Reigns powers out and knocks him to the floor. Reigns’ running kick to the face is blocked though and McIntyre suplexes him down.

Back in and the reverse Alabama slam gives McIntyre two so he takes Reigns up top. That earns him a crotching, only to have Drew pull himself up from the Tree of Woe to send Reigns flying with a belly to belly superplex. Reasons of general heelishness cause McIntyre to slap him in the face, meaning the comeback is on. McIntyre gets knocked outside again for the Samoan drop on the floor, followed by the Superman Punch back inside. The spear finishes McIntyre at 10:06.

Rating: D. The fans didn’t care and why should they have? As usual, it was clear that Reigns was going to win and that happens far too often at Wrestlemania. It’s amazing that Reigns got to come back here but it’s Reigns, who almost always wins, winning again in a match where the ending was obvious throughout. Nothing to see here, and the fans were silent throughout.

Post match Reigns gets to pose in a rather emotional moment.

Here’s Elias for his self described greatest performance ever. He’s on screen playing drums, with a second Elias joining him on piano and the real thing in the ring playing guitar. They jam for a bit and guitar Elias says the other two deserve a standing ovation. Elias teases more members of the band and gets in his catchphrase before loading up the song….but here’s a SPECIAL BULLETIN on Babe Ruth calling his shot in the 1932 World Series.

Cue John Cena in Dr. of Thuganomics gear and the fans seem rather pleased. Cena raps about how he’s about to turn heel and how bad his own movies are. WWE doesn’t stand for Walk With Elias because it really means Wasted Wrestling Experiment. We get a nuts joke, followed by the FU to leave Elias laying. They have history together so this was as good as you were going to get. This was funny for a change if nothing else and that’s a cool Wrestlemania feeling.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Back at Smackdown 1000, Batista had mentioned that HHH never beat him but laughed it off. Then in February, Ric Flair was having a 70^th birthday celebration but Batista attacked him, while asking HHH if he had his attention. This set up the match, with Batista demanding that HHH give him what he wanted (over and over and over). HHH has put up his career just in case the ending was in the slightest bit of doubt.

Shawn Michaels is guest commentator.

Batista vs. HHH

No holds barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista goes out to glare at Shawn but here’s HHH, riding in a Mad Max style cart because of course he is. Batista drives him straight into the corner to start so HHH is back with some right hands to the face. A backdrop sends Batista outside but he throws HHH over the announcers’ table in a crash. HHH is right back up with a ram into the barricade and busts out a chain to whip Batista over the back.

The chain is pulled into Batista’s mouth (Shawn: “That’s not going to help his movie career.”) and HHH whips him into the steps. To ramp up the pain, HHH busts out some pliers to bend Batista’s fingers around a bit. HHH isn’t done with the toolbox so he grabs some needle nose pliers and ribs Batista’s nose ring out. To be fair, that thing looked horrible. Cole: “HHH just ripped a nose ring out of the nose of Batista.” So the nose ring in his ear is still intact.

Batista’s nose is good enough to drop HHH onto the announcers’ table and then he does it again onto a different one. A chair to the back sets up the shoulders in the corner for two as things have slowed way down. Batista slams him down for two more and let’s go outside again. The steps are set on the table and another table is cleared off as this is taking quite a long time for one big spot.

The huge Batista Bomb through the table is countered with a backdrop onto (not through) the other table and they’re both down again. HHH gets up, spinebusters him through the table, and we get another breather. HHH pulls out the sledgehammer but it’s a spear to cut him down for two. This time it’s HHH knocking the sledgehammer away from Batista, earning himself a spinebuster in the process. The Batista Bomb, which makes HHH drop the sledgehammer again, connects for two.

With nothing else working, Batista brings in the steps but goes up top for some reason. That reason would be so HHH can powerbomb him onto the steps, setting up a Pedigree for two (Because this MUST KEEP GOING!). They’re both down again so here’s Flair to slip HHH the sledgehammer. HHH gets up and uses the steps as a launchpad to hammer Batista in the head. Since that’s not enough to pin him (or KILL HIM as it probably should have), Batista pops up to take the Pedigree for the pin at 25:45.

Rating: D. Why does HHH do this? They could have had the same match with at least ten minutes chopped off but for some reason we needed to get HHH’s latest big epic match, no matter how much people aren’t interested in seeing it. This was terrible with Batista looking like a shell of his glory days (fair enough) and the match going WAY longer than it should have. Horrible match, and did you expect anything else given this style of match’s history?

The B Team model Daniel Bryan WWE Champion shirts but here’s Ron Simmons for the joke.

JBL is your next guest commentator.

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

This is Angle’s retirement match as he can barely get in the ring without injuring himself these days and needs to limp away for good. Corbin is here because we all did something horrible in a past life. Angle goes after him to start but gets knocked into the corner to put him in early trouble. Corbin takes it to the corner and pounds away before mocking Angle’s family a bit. A missed middle rope ax handle sends Corbin throat first into the rope so Angle snaps off some suplexes for two.

Angle walks into a big boot but is fine enough to grab a quickly broken ankle lock. Deep Six gives Corbin two more but he misses a charge, allowing the Angle Slam to connect for two. The straps come down and the ankle lock goes on until Corbin rolls him into the corner for the break. Corbin throws in a You Can’t See Me so Angle punches him into more rolling German suplexes. The moonsault misses though and the End of Days finishes Kurt’s career at 5:59.

Rating: D. Angle does seem fine with putting Corbin over on the way out but this was another step in the seemingly eternal nonsense that was/is the Corbin push. It’s a lot to take and while I can live with Angle going out on his back, it’s a lot to take because Corbin really is going way above his pay grade every time he’s in a match like this.

Post match Angle thanks the fans and asks for one more YOU SUCK chant for the road.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with Lio Rush, is defending and they’ve traded the title, so tonight it’s the Demon to make the match feel big. Balor gets a special entrance by coming down off a raised platform, though it’s not as creepy as his NXT entrances. Lashley has very bright green contacts in for some reason. Some early dropkicks put Lashley on the floor and Balor takes him out with a dive for a bonus.

A hard drive into the apron cuts Balor off though and there’s a suplex to make it worse. Lashley clotheslines him hard to the floor but a Sling Blade gets Balor out of trouble. Rush’s distraction lets Lashley hit a HARD spear through the ropes though and a regular one gets two back inside. Balor fights out of a powerbomb and hits one of his own, setting up the Coup de Grace for the pin and the title at 4:01.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining enough for something that was going so fast but at the same time, the booking still doesn’t make a ton of sense. Balor has already shown that he can beat Lashley so now he needs to bring up the powers to win? And the extraordinary thing was just a powerbomb? I’m glad to see the Demon again but this wasn’t exactly the most logical thing in the world.

Here’s Alexa Bliss to announce the attendance record of 82,265. Cue R-Truth and Carmella for the Wrestlemania Dance Break (Remember those?).

We recap the main event of Raw Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey and Smackdown Women’s Champion Charlotte defending against Becky Lynch in a winner take all match. Rousey is the unstoppable force, Charlotte is Charlotte and Becky is here because she’s the hottest name in wrestling at the moment and won the Royal Rumble. Tonight the winner leaves with both titles and it’s the biggest women’s match in history.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is challenging both. In a nod to her father and the Four Horsemen, Charlotte lance in a helicopter outside and walks into the stadium. Already inside, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts play Rousey to the ring. There is something so cool about watching Becky walk down the ramp in a wide shot as Cole talks about how she has started a movement. I’m not sure if that is the right term but it looked awesome. The bell rings and even a year later I still can’t believe this happened. The women’s division was a joke just a few years ago and now it’s the biggest match of the year. That’s hard to believe and it’s very cool.

They stare at each other for a good bit to start until Becky goes after Rousey’s arm. Rousey kicks her to the floor without much trouble and that means a Samoan drop into the barricade. Charlotte follows and takes Piper’s Pit but pops right back up for a fall away slam to send Rousey into the barricade for a change. That sets up the required Charlotte vs. Becky fight with Becky getting the better of things but can’t get the Figure Four, allowing Rousey to come and hammer away.

Charlotte breaks up an armbar attempt but gets pulled into a triangle choke over the ropes. Becky hits a running dropkick though and Rousey falls HARD onto the floor in a nasty crash. That leaves Charlotte to knee Becky in the head as the fans get behind Becky in a big way. Charlotte’s moonsault hits knees and Becky gets the Disarm-Her but Rousey make the save in a hurry. A double Natural Selection gives Charlotte two each and it’s Becky going outside this time.

For some reason Charlotte tries to slug it out with Rousey, earning herself a knee to the head. Charlotte pulls her into a Boston crab, drawing Becky in for her own save. Becky and Charlotte slug it out again until Charlotte is sent to the apron. Charlotte gets caught up top with a super Bexploder for two but Rousey drops both of them with a high crossbody for a double near fall. The double armbar goes on so Becky and Charlotte powerbomb her for the break. It took three attempts but they finally got out.

Everyone is down for a bit until Becky hits a Rock Bottom for two on Charlotte. Rousey goes after Becky and gets pulled straight into the Disarm-Her so she uses the ropes to power up in the corner. That’s fine with Becky, who puts it on again in the corner until Charlotte boots her in the face. Charlotte’s super Spanish Fly gets two but she might have banged up her knee. Rousey’s knee is banged up as well so Charlotte stomps away and grabs the Figure Four around the post.

After sending Becky into the barricade, Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight but Becky dives in off the top for another save. Just because, let’s bring in a table but Charlotte decks Becky for taking too long to set it up. Rousey shoves Charlotte off the top and turns the table over because she doesn’t need it. A double spear takes down Becky and Rousey so Charlotte sets up the table in the corner.

Charlotte sends Rousey face first into the table and spears Becky for two more. Back up and Charlotte gets hiptossed through the table, leaving Becky and Rousey to have the slugout we’ve been waiting for. They throw some serious hands but Piper’s Pit is countered into a crucifix (with Rousey’s shoulder a good six inches off the mat in a bad botch) to give Becky both titles at 21:28.

Rating: B. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t watch it in one sitting this time around but I liked the match a good bit better on a second viewing. These three beat each other up and while Becky winning was the presumed finish, it wasn’t entirely a lock given who she was in there against. It was a heck of a fight and the three of them all came out looking great. This is much more historic than good, but it’s really rather good and that’s always a positive way to go out.

Rousey is ticked as Becky celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The positives are better than the negatives but not by much. There are some flat out bad matches on here but they are overcome by some great feelings with the faces winning all of the big matches for a change. That felt like an old school style as for the first time in what felt like forever, they didn’t cut the fans off for the sake of dragging things out until later. For once it felt like a season finale and that’s what Wrestlemania should be when it gets the chance. Good show, but it could have been a lot better.

How you ask? CUT THE SHOW DOWN! Look at how long this show is and tell me that it’s well put together. There is no need for a sixteen match card, especially with some of the matches that feel tacked on. All three Tag Team Title matches feel like they’re here for the sake of being here and some of the matches just need to be shortened. Either that or find a way to get people to the ring faster. I know it seems simple but how much of these shows are spent on ring entrances alone? Just find a way to shorten things, please.

Overall there are more good things than bad, but this isn’t a show that you need to watch in one sitting. As soon as you get to the point where the show is five hours plus an episode of Smackdown before it starts (and a Smackdown with more wrestling than usual at that), you’re hitting a firm ceiling of how much you can enjoy this. I know you can’t cut out big chunks, but find a way to get this under six hours. Do that and it’s a lot better, but that has been the case for years now and it keeps getting longer. Either way, at least we had enough nice stuff on here, but don’t watch it all at once.

Ratings Comparison

Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Original: C+

Redo: C

Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

Original: C

Redo: D+

Men’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar vs. Aleister Black/Ricochet

Original: C+

Redo: B

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Original: D

Redo: D

Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: A-

Redo: A

Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns

Original: C-

Redo: D

Batista vs. HHH

Original: D+

Redo: D

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

Original: F

Redo: D

Finn Balor vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: C

Redo: C

Ronda Rousey vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

About the same all around, but some of those earlier ones are a good bit off. Still though, too long, despite some of the very good parts.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxv-so-much-for-no-happy-endings/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

As long as this show is going to be, there’s something special about getting to see it every year. This year’s show is built around the three major matches and the question of how many happy endings we can have. You know it’s not going to be all three, but which of the three doesn’t go through. Those matches consist of Universal Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins, Smackdown World Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston and the winner take all match for both Women’s titles as Ronda Rousey faces Charlotte and Becky Lynch in a genuinely historic main event. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Nese is challenging after winning a tournament and wastes no time in trying a jumping knee. Murphy gets sent outside but is fine enough to drop Nese ribs first onto the turnbuckle as we go split screen for an ad. Well at least they didn’t do this during the TV build. Back to full with Nese fighting out of a chinlock and suplexing the champ into the corner. Murphy gets tied in the ropes for a Lionsault but catches Nese with a superkick. A spinning faceplant gets two and some knees to the face have Nese in more trouble.

Nese is fine enough to hit a reverse hurricanrana and they trade a series of strikes to the face. Nese’s kneeling over the back piledriver gets two, followed by the 450 for the same. Murphy is right back up with Murphy’s Law but Nese gets a foot on the rope. With nothing else working, Murphy tries Nese’s running knee in the corner but walks into a superkick. A German suplex into the corner sets up the real running knee to give Nese the pin and the title at 10:43.

Rating: C+. Pretty good stuff here, even if I can’t imagine Nese holding the title very long. He’s the New York guy so it makes sense to have him win the title for a feel good moment. It wasn’t the most surprising thing in the world but it’s a good idea to open the night with a mostly short but effective match. Not bad at all, though Nese is a short term champion at best.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Naomi, Lana, Nikki Cross, Asuka, Mickie James, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Ruby Riott, Sarah Logan, Liv Morgan, Zelina Vega, Dana Brooke, Eve Torres, Mandy Rose, Candice LeRae, Maria Kanellis, Sonya Deville, Carmella

It’s a wild brawl to start with Nikki Cross chasing Maria in a circle and getting rid of her. Asuka sends Nikki out and LeRae is out as well. Ember Eclipses Lana (as Captain Marvel) and knocks out Naomi, followed by another Eclipse to Mandy. Lana manages to get rid of Ember and insists that she’s #1 before kicking Sane in the face. Sane goes up and gets shoved to the apron, leaving us with a Lana vs. Logan staredown.

The Riott Squad gets together and dumps Lana but Sane is back in with the Insane Elbow on Logan. The Squad gets rid of Sane though and Logan lifts Morgan up for a flipping Stunner on Vega. Now it’s Asuka taking the triple teaming but she slides back in from the apron. Dana of all people fights back against the Squad and gets rid of Ruby. Logan is out as well but Vega blocks a cartwheel elbow.

Mandy and Sonya get rid of Vega and Brooke as we’re down to Logan, Rose, Deville, James and Asuka. James superkicks Mandy out but gets eliminated by Sonya to get us to three. Asuka sends Deville to the apron but Logan dumps both of them out….as Carmella slides back in, JUST LIKE LAST YEAR. Carmella knocks Logan over but Logan keeps her feet above the floor. A superkick gets rid of Logan to give Carmella the win at 10:30.

Rating: D. Hey, remember last year when someone snuck back in at the end and won the Women’s Battle Royal in a big surprise despite doing nothing coming into the match where someone could have gotten something out of it? No particular reason for asking of course. The match was your usual deal of everyone standing around until it was time for them to be eliminated until the ending. It was shorter than last year’s though and that’s an improvement. Oh and so much for Lacey Evans winning the thing as a surprise.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

The Revival is defending and this wasn’t announced on the Kickoff Show. Dawson takes Hawkins into the corner to start and gets two off a rollup. It’s off to Ryder vs. Wilder, the latter of whom gets the loudest cheer of his career after he decked the guy who jumped Bret last night. An armbar keeps Ryder down and Dawson comes back in to rip at Ryder’s face. Ryder gets in a suplex and tosses Wilder into the corner but Dawson knocks Hawkins off the apron.

We hit the chinlock on Ryder for a bit until he backdrops his way to freedom, allowing the hot tag to Hawkins. A backslide gets two on Dawson and Wilder gets knocked off the apron. The double clothesline gives us a double knockdown and it’s back to Ryder. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson and Ryder suplex suplexes Wilder to the floor for a scary crash. Hawkins throws Ryder back in for the tag but Wilder breaks up the cover.

Wilder DDTs Ryder on the floor and Hawkins takes a brainbuster to put all four down on the floor. Back in Dawson is rather cocky about beating Hawkins, who seems to be a bit dead. You never want to be too cocky in wrestling though and it’s a small package to pin Dawson for the titles at 13:21.

Rating: C. Ignoring Hawkins losing 269 matches in a row and not having a win since November 2016, Ryder not winning a non-Main Event match on TV since December 2016 and the team not winning a match together since 2008, this makes perfect sense. The love for the New York fans is strong tonight, which makes me wonder what kind of horrible things they have in mind for the main card. Just let the Revival go sit at home until their contracts are up though because I’d rather they go out with just this humiliation rather than seeing what else WWE could think of for them.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Colin Jost, Michael Che, Braun Strowman, Otis, Tucker, Kalisto, Gran Metalik, Lince Dorado, Ali, Titus O’Neil, Konnor, Viktor, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Andrade, Jinder Mahal, Harper, Bo Dallas, Bobby Roode, Apollo Crews, Bo Dallas, Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson, No Way Jose, Tyler Breeze, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Rhyno, Shelton Benjamin, EC3

Hey Harper is back. The SNL guys bail to the floor as Breeze and EC3 are both out. Shelton and Dorado are eliminated as well with Strowman throwing everyone he comes near. Harper vs. Strowman gets a big reaction but everyone piles onto them to break it up. Titus misses a charge and gets eliminated, followed by Ali tornado DDTing Jose and tossing him. Strowman gets sent into the post and goes through the ropes to the floor as Anderson is tossed.

Rhyno is out as well and the Hardys get into a mini match with Roode/Gable, with Roode being eliminated. Metalik gets thrown out by Mahal and Andrade monkey flips Kalisto out. There goes Gable as the ring is clearing out in a hurry. Tucker runs the Ascension over and there’s a double Caterpillar to both of them. The Ascension is thrown out but Strowman tosses Heavy Machinery.

Mahal is out next as Harper tries to suplex Ali, only to have Strowman kick them both out at the same time. We’re down to Strowman, Che, Jost, Matt, Jeff, Apollo and Andrade. Apollo and Andrade go to the apron and Andrade snaps off a hurricanrana to eliminate both of them in a dumb move. The Hardys try to pull Strowman out but the SNL guys come in and fail to throw them out.

Strowman shrugs them off and dumps the Hardys, leaving him alone with Jost and Che. One of them grabs a mic and says this doesn’t have to end in violence, so here’s his therapist to talk Strowman through this. Strowman beats him up and gives him a chokeslam (good thing the therapist knows how to take a flat back bump) before slapping Che out. A running boot in the corner misses and Jost goes for the elimination but gets shoved away. Strowman throws him out for the win at 10:24.

Rating: D. Yeah it was stupid and the SNL guys were annoying, but it was on the Kickoff Show and the right person won so I can’t complain all that much. Strowman should have won something bigger than this but at least he comes away with something instead of just being tossed out like anyone else. You know, like they did with Asuka in the first match.

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful.

Helicopters fly over the stadium instead of the usual planes.

The opening video features wrestlers talking about this being the biggest stage and them being the players and storytellers. We see stills of famous Wrestlemania moments as the wrestlers talk about having the chance to live forever. They switch into a regular video of everyone involved with Lynch saying that they are the storytellers. This is a great idea, but not exactly practical when you consider that this is Wrestlemania GET EVERYONE ON THE CARD.

Here’s Wrestlemania host Alexa Bliss to say that Wrestlemania needs a goddess. She snaps her fingers…..and here’s Hulk Hogan. Well that works. Hogan: “It’s great to be back here in the Silverdome brother!” Ok that was funny. Hogan: “Ok it’s great to be back here in the MetLife Center!” He hits the catchphrase and poses with Bliss as Paul Heyman of all people storms out between the two of them. Heyman goes to the ring and says if they’re not closing the show, they’re not hanging around. They’re getting their business done and going to Las Vegas where Lesnar is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Lesnar is defending. Rollins has a new BEAST SLAYER graphic but Brock knees him off the apron and it’s an F5 on the floor before the bell rings. Lesnar throws him into various things at ringside and then over the announcers’ table a few times. They get inside but the referee won’t start the match because Rollins isn’t ready. Lesnar tosses him outside again for another whip over the announcers’ table and through the top piece of the table.

They go back inside and Rollins is mostly dead but gets to his feet for the opening bell. Three straight German suplexes let Lesnar bounce as Rollins’ back is all kinds of pretty colors. The F5 is escaped and the ref is bumped, allowing Rollins to hit the low row. Rollins hits the low superkick and the Stomp connects. A second and third Stomp give Rollins the title at 2:30.

Jerry Lawler joins commentary.

Randy Orton vs. AJ Styles

The CGI graphics are back with Orton’s being a HUGE snake that made me jump. Battle over respect between the two of them as Orton has asked why it took AJ so long to get here. An early RKO attempt is blocked so Orton goes with a thumb to the eye and the Orton Stomp. AJ gets back up with the dropkick and the slingshot forearm to the floor drops Orton again. Orton is thrown back in and knocks AJ into the barricade. The chinlock doesn’t last long as AJ fights up with the Phenomenal Blitz and a basement forearm.

The Styles Clash is blocked and Orton tries the hanging DDT, which is reversed into the Calf Crusher. Once the rope is grabbed AJ goes to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm but drops back down as Orton jumps for the RKO and crashes, allowing AJ to hit the springboard 450 for two. Orton is back up with the top rope superplex as the fans are interested in something else.

The hanging DDT plants AJ and Orton plays to the crowd to get their attention back. The RKO is countered with an enziguri but the second attempt connects for two. It feels like it’s been awhile since anyone kicked out of that. With the regular version not working, Orton loads up a super RKO but gets kicked out to the floor. That means a Phenomenal Forearm to the outside and the regular one finishes Orton at 16:17.

Rating: B-. This was about what you would have expected with good action between two talented veterans. AJ knowing that the RKO counter was coming was fine and the ending was as decisive as you could get with AJ surviving the RKO and winning clean. It’s a perfectly good match and it’s not like the two of them have anything else to do at the moment. Expect a rematch next month.

Lacey Evans cameo, though this time she stops to sneer at the crowd.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar

The Usos are defending. Jey and Black start things off but Sheamus tags himself in and low bridges Jey to the floor. Black gets taken down and it’s Rusev coming in to hold Black up for a kick from Rusev. It’s off to Ricochet with the springboard clothesline for two on Nakamura before spinning around Cesaro multiple times for a headscissors.

That just earns him a shot to the face and it’s time to swing Ricochet while Sheamus beats on Rusev’s chest. Nakamura tries to make a save so Sheamus beats on him as well, followed by the same to Jey and Black, all while Ricochet is swinging Ricochet for well over a minute. The Sharpshooter goes on with Jey making the save, earning himself a trip to the floor with his brother.

We settle down (kind of) to Black bringing in Ricochet, who gets caught by Rusev in a swinging release Rock Bottom. Everyone goes to the corner for the required Tower of Doom, with Ricochet rolling through because he’s Ricochet and more awesome than you. Black knees Sheamus down and Ricochet hits the 630 for two with a bunch of people diving in for the save. We get a parade of kicks to the face with Sheamus taking the double superkick. The Double Us retains the Usos’ titles at 10:05.

Rating: C+. The big spots helped a lot here and it felt like an amped up Smackdown match, which is one of the best things that you can have in this situation. There’s no other way you can go with no story and the match being thrown together on Smackdown. Just have them do the spots and do the best they can, like Ricochet sticking the landing and that insane swing.

Recap of the Hall of Fame.

Honky Tonk Man (Long overdue)

Harlem Heat (More than deserved)

Torrie Wilson (The bar has been lowered)

Brutus Beefcake (Sure why not)

Hart Foundation (Yep, and may I add yep)

Sue Aitchison, with John Cena’s 600^th Make-A-Wish (Nothing wrong with that)

D-Generation X (Fine, though they feel weak for headliners)

We recap Shane McMahon vs. The Miz in the feud that WWE cares about and thinks we do too. Miz’s dad is a horrible person and only cared about his son when Miz started teaming with Shane, who didn’t like having to fix Miz’s daddy issues. Tonight it’s Falls Count Anywhere to blow it off.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere. Shane makes Greg Hamilton do his entrance three times, with the third being held out extra long. Miz’s dad is in the front row so Shane goes straight to the floor to choke him. The chase is on but Shane gets in a monitor shot to the head. The big elbow through the announcers’ table is loaded up so Miz’s dad gets in the way. Still doesn’t help the fact that he’s a horrible father.

Dad gets in the ring and puts up his fists so Shane jumps him. The beating brings Miz back into the ring to take Shane apart and send him into the barricade before checking on his dad. With the medics taking care of Papa Miz, Miz tackles Shane over the barricade and they head into the crowd, eventually going to the tech arena near one of the towers that holds up the structure above the ring. They go into an open area of the crowd with Miz hitting Shane in the foot with a chair.

Another shot to the back lets Miz knock Shane over to the international commentators station where tables are overturned. A chokeslam puts Shane through the table for two and a monitor shot knocks Shane over a barricade and down into the shadows (cool visual). Miz follows and gets a delayed two as replays show Shane landing on top of a golf cart.

They fight up a camera tower ala HHH vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania XVII with Miz hitting a Skull Crushing Finale onto a metal platform for two. Shane gets in a shot to the face and climbs to the top of the tower as this isn’t going to go well. Miz follows him up and gets rather stalkerish as he stares Shane down to one knee. Shane begs off so Miz hammers away and suplexes him off the tower onto a crashpad….with Shane landing on top for the pin at 15:38.

Rating: C-. Why not. Why not. WHY THE #$**#%%!!@# NOT! Why shouldn’t we spend five months building this up and giving Shane McMahon a title before having him win at Wrestlemania? I’m sure this will continue, because going from November until April isn’t long enough for a Shane McMahon story. That’s just great.

The match itself was your usual walking around the stadium fight with Miz dominating through most of it until the end. The deal with Miz’s dad was a cool moment but they should have brought him out later on in the match instead of so close to the beginning. Not bad overall, but the ending was stupid.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Bayley and Sasha Banks are defending. The IIconics are a devil (Billie) and a black winged angel (Peyton). Natalya and Beth are in matching pink and black so here’s Bret Hart to stand with them on the stage and then go to the back. It’s a brawl to start with Nia being sent into the steps. We settle down to Peyton getting beaten up but Billie helps her out, allowing them to hit their superhero pose.

Beth gets bulldogged onto Billie’s knee with the kickout making Peyton scream. Natalya comes in for a Hart Attack for two on Billie with Bayley making the save. It’s off to Sasha, who is taken down without too much effort. Natalya and Beth lift Sasha into the air so Bayley makes the save and throws Bayley at Beth for the Bank Statement but Beth powers out as you probably expected.

Natalya puts Bayley and Sasha in the Sharpshooter at the same time until Tamina breaks it up with a superkick. Nia gets back in and starts crushing people, setting up Nia and Tamina going up top at the same time. Beth saves Banks from death by shoving Nia off and Sasha drops the frog splash for two on Natalya. Beth is back up and takes Bayley to the top for a super Glam Slam….but Billie comes in and steals the pin and the title at 10:46.

Rating: D. Some of the spots were good but at the same time, there were too many people running around and it hurt things a lot. I do like the IIconics coming in and stealing the belts as it certainly fits their style better (Do they even have a regular finisher?). But yeah, just too much going on when it didn’t need to be the case. Drop Beth and Natalya and it would have fit better, but I guess the Beth Phoenix fan club needed one more moment?

The helicopter pilots from earlier are here.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan. Kingston has basically done everything there is to do in the company outside of winning the World Title. He got close in the Elimination Chamber but couldn’t quite pull it off. Vince McMahon then decided to throw one challenge after another at him with Kofi coming up just short every time until Big E. and Xavier Woods won a tag team gauntlet match to get him the title shot. If Kofi doesn’t win here, I don’t know if he ever will.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging with New Day in his corner while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a present for Kofi, but only after he wins. They go to the mat to start with Kofi sticking the landing off a monkey flip to send Bryan outside. That means the big dive over the top as the roster is watching in the locker room again, where there is a total of one single monitor showing the match. Back in and Kofi tries to jump a little too much, allowing Bryan to pull him down into a surfboard.

Some forearms to the back of the head seem to wake Kofi up and it’s a clothesline into the Boom Drop. Bryan bails outside and Kofi dives after, only to crash onto the announcers’ table ribs first. Back in and we hit the waistlock for a good while as Bryan stays on the ribs. He switches over to the Boston crab, eventually stepping to the side to make it half Liontamer. With that broken, Bryan loads up a belly to back superplex but gets elbowed down three times in a row.

Kofi drops a top rope splash to the back for two but the ribs are banged up again in the process. Trouble in Paradise misses and they go to some rollups for near falls until Kofi kicks him in the head. Bryan stops him with a stomp out of the corner and busts out the YES pose for a nice callback. The running knee is countered into a rollup and SOS gets two but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock in the middle of the ring.

The long crawl gets Kofi’s leg on the rope and Bryan is starting to get mad. The kicks to the ribs have Kofi in trouble but he fires back kicks of his own, capped off by a reverse suplex (ok then) for a close two. Rowan goes after New Day but Kofi hits him with Trouble in Paradise, followed by the Midnight Hour on the floor. Bryan’s suicide dive is countered by a right hand but Trouble in Paradise misses, allowing Bryan to hit the running knee for two, causing the fans to build a roof on the stadium and then blow it off.

Bryan has had it and starts stomping the head as Woods and Big E. watch on. The LeBell Lock goes on and the referee checks the arm….which stays up. Bryan hits him in the face and pulls again but Kofi rolls out and hammers away at Bryan, who won’t let go of Kofi’s hand. That lets Kofi stomp away for a change and Bryan is done, setting up Trouble in Paradise to give Kofi the pin and the title at 23:41.

Rating: A-. I mean….they could have gone out there and demonstrated how to make a pimento loaf and it wouldn’t have mattered as long as they had that ending. That was a genuine Wrestlemania moment and you could feel what it meant to everyone. This was incredible and one of the best moments they could have had. Eleven years ago, Kofi had the worst debut match I’ve ever seen and now he’s WWE Champion at Wrestlemania. Not too shabby.

Post match Woods pulls off the cover and unveils the non-wooden title so Kofi can pose with the right design, already complete with custom side plates. Kofi’s kids come in to celebrate and now it’s time to open the present. It’s a new New Day shirt with Kofi holding the title.

We recap the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Bliss, now in a different outfit, goes in to see Jost and Che as they’re checked for injuries. She says don’t worry because they’re in good hands….because Scott Hall and Kevin Nash are the doctors? And giving them prostate exams? Am I missing a joke here?

Booker T. joins commentary.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and I believe he’s dressed as Mysterio from Spider-Man. Joe goes straight at him and Rey hits a 619 in less than a minute. Rey’s wheelbarrow bulldog is countered into the Koquina Clutch….and Rey is out at 1:00. So I’m thinking he’s still a bit injured? Booker: “I DID ALL MY PREP WORK FOR THAT???”

Trailer for Batista’s new movie.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns is back from leukemia and needed a first singles match. Drew took out both Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins and is promising to do the same to Reigns tonight.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

McIntyre is played to the ring by the New York Police Department Bagpipe Band. Reigns lowers his head to start and gets kicked in the face but what looked to be a powerslam is escaped. That means a legdrop to the back of the head over the middle rope but Drew is right back with the Glasgow Kiss. The chinlock has Reigns in more trouble until Drew takes him outside for a suplex, thereby upping the total amount of trouble.

The reverse Alabama Slam gives Drew two and he tells Reigns he should have said no. A flipping slam off the top has Reigns down again as Drew tells him that he broke the Shield. The Future Shock (Drew: “THIS ONE IS FOR AMBROSE!”) is broken up so Drew slaps him in the face. A big boot sends Drew outside and it’s a Samoan drop on the floor. Back in and the jumping clothesline puts Drew down, followed by the Superman Punch to do it again. The spear finishes Drew at 10:10.

Rating: C-. Totally standard Raw main event with Drew trying but not having a prayer of winning. There’s only so much you can do when everything is against you like this and Drew tried as hard as he can. Just getting this spot is Drew’s big win of the night and that’s not the worst place to be. He’ll be back and do just fine because he’s that good.

Here’s Elias to play some drums rather well. Now he’s at a piano (teleporting from one to the other) and does quite splendidly there too. Now he’s in the middle of the ring with his guitar. Elias the drummer and Elias the piano player play him in and he continues to have chops. Piano and Drum take a bow and now guitar Elias is on his own. The fans sing a little OH WALK WITH ELIAS and Elias promises more versions of himself, including a harpsichord player. As he starts his song, a SPECIAL BULLETIN appears on screen showing….the 1932 World Series?

Babe Ruth calls his shot (yes he did) and hits a home run….and here’s John Cena to Basic Thuganomics. Well you know the Yankees gear is making his skin crawl. Cena says Elias got the worst deal because John Cena is about to turn heel. He feels like he’s watching one of his movies because this whole thing sucks.

Cena isn’t feeling it because this is a wasted wrestling experiment. Cena: “They call me the golden shovel so I’m about to bury your push.” He throws him some nuts and says there’s no AA today, but here’s an FU. Cena lays him out with the knuckles and plants him with the FU. This worked well as Cena is often at his best when he’s making fun of himself.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Batista wanted one more match with HHH to end their careers on his terms so he beat up Ric Flair to get HHH’s attention. The match is on and it’s No Holds Barred.

Shawn Michaels is on commentary.

Batista vs. HHH

No Holds Barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista slips through the ropes on the way into the ring before heading outside to glare at Shawn. He even walks around the ring and does his entrance again, this time without the slipping. HHH’s entrance video seems to be inspired by Mad Max and shows a road race. The stage opens up and the car drives out with HHH on the back. I’ve seen worse.

Batista drives him into the corner to start but gets elbowed out to the floor. They fight to the floor with HHH going over the announcers’ table but managing to pull out a tool box to hit Batista in the head. Now it’s a chain to whip Batista in the back and choke a bit before going for some pliers. Batista’s finger gets bent back and HHH stomps on the pliers to make it even worse. Now it’s time for some needle nose pliers, but first he sits in a chair on Batista’s throat. HHH: “THAT’S A NICE NOSE RING!” And then he rips it out with the pliers!

Graves: “Batista won’t be able to be a guardian of the house like this! This guy is my boss!” Batista heads to the floor (Shawn: “His nose is bleeding!” Graves: “YOU THINK???”) and drops HHH onto the announcers’ table three times in a row without breaking the thing. Some chairs to the back keep HHH in trouble and they head back inside with Batista busting out a White Noise of all things.

Back to the floor with Batista putting the steps onto an announcers’ table and clearing off a second one, complete with a point to Shawn. The Batista Bomb off the steps is countered with a backdrop and the table STILL doesn’t break. Good grief where have those tables been all these years? HHH gets up, throws a crotch chop, and spears Batista through the German table. They slowly get back inside and HHH (eventually) finds a sledgehammer.

That just earns him a spear for two but a charge with the hammer is cut off by HHH’s raised boot. The spinebuster connects and it’s time for the Batista Bomb, with HHH dropping the hammer on his way down. That gets two and Batista brings the steps inside. He takes too long punching in the corner (right in front of the steps because wrestlers never learn) and gets powerbombed down onto the steps.

The Pedigree….only gets two as this keeps going. Batista gets in a DDT onto the steps and things stop again but here’s Ric Flair (I was waiting on him) to hand HHH a sledgehammer. HE COULDN’T DO THIS TEN MINUTES AGO??? HHH uses the steps to launch into a sledgehammer shot to the head but Batista pops back up so he can eat the Pedigree for the pin at 24:49. You know, because a JUMPING HAMMER TO THE HEAD isn’t enough to pin someone.

Rating: D+. The first ten minutes of this was very good but, as tends to be the case for almost any HHH match anymore, it went on too long because there was way too much laying around between moves. The ending looked ridiculous as well but that’s another situation. What they did early on was entertaining and brutal (that pliers thing was nuts) but I was looking at the clock near the end, which happens way too often.

Alexa Bliss (outfit #3) has the B Team model AND STILL CHAMPION Daniel Bryan shirts. Ron Simmons comes in for the cameo.

JBL joins commentary.

Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin

No Angle video package? Angle snaps off a belly to belly suplex but gets taken down early on. The rolling German suplexes give Kurt two but the Angle Slam is broken up for a big boot. The ankle lock is countered into Deep Six for two and Corbin is already getting frustrated. Kurt hits the Angle Slam for two but Corbin is right back and says You Can’t See Me. That odd taunt lets Angle roll some more German suplexes….and Kurt goes up. The moonsault misses as it always does…and the End of Days gives Corbin the pin at 6:00.

Rating: F. The idea of Kurt Angle losing to Baron Corbin in his last match is a failure. Not because it’s Angle last match. Not because the match wasn’t good. Not because WHY? But because we now have to deal with more Baron Corbin on Raw as more fans’ heads explode as we try to figure out what WWE sees in him. I’m sure this was Angle’s decision and while I can respect that, someone named McMahon should have overridden him.

Post match Angle wants his music played one last time so we can get in one more YOU SUCK. That’s exactly what he gets, as he should.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with special contacts in, is defending and Balor is the Demon, making its Wrestlemania debut. Balor hits a spinwheel kick and ax kick to the back, followed by a dropkick to put him on the floor. There’s the big flip dive but Lashley catches him with a spinebuster back inside. Lashley hits a heck of a spear through the ropes to drive Balor to the floor, followed by a regular one for two back inside. Balor gets back up and powerbombs Lashley (good one too) and the Coup de Grace gives Balor the title back at 4:04.

Rating: C. The spots were good (that spear was awesome) and the powerbomb looked awesome, but the problem is they didn’t need to do the Demon here. I get why they did it and it makes sense to do it at Wrestlemania, but at the same time what’s the point in having him do it if he can already beat Lashley and Lio Rush? It’s a good enough match, but this story was them trading the title and then the Demon doing what regular Balor could do.

Alexa (#4) announces the new WWE attendance record of 82,265. She thinks we need a break though so here are R-Truth and Carmella for the world’s largest dance break.

Wrestlemania XXXVI is in Tampa Bay on April 5, 2020.

We recap the women’s triple threat match. Becky Lynch has become the people’s champion, Charlotte is the Smackdown Women’s Champion and the corporate pick and Ronda Rousey is the Raw Women Champion and the unstoppable force. Tonight is winner take all for both belts, but it’s much more about the history because the match is actually headlining the show.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Ronda is Raw Women’s Champion and Charlotte is Smackdown Women’s Champion….and she comes in via helicopter and lands in the parking lot, where a red carpet is rolled out for her in a Horseman homage. Since she has to walk a good ways into the stadium, here are Joan Jett and the Blackhearts to play Ronda to the ring. The bell rings at 12:01am and Becky goes straight for the Disarm-Her on Ronda but gets shoved away so they can all head outside.

That means a Piper’s Pit for both of them and Ronda starts the trash talk. Charlotte gets up and sends Rousey into the barricade, setting up a showdown with Charlotte inside. The Disarm-Her to Becky is broken up and it’s Ronda coming back in to kick Becky in the face. A double powerbomb over the top is countered into a double armbar on Becky and Charlotte. Becky escapes and dropkicks Ronda to the floor for a NASTY crash on her back. Charlotte Downward Spirals Becky into the buckle for two as we look at Rousey landing square on her back again.

Becky is right back with the Disarm-Her but Ronda comes back to life and makes the save. A running knee breaks up the armbar on Becky and Charlotte hits a double Natural Selection for two each. Becky gets sent outside so Charlotte chops Ronda, who tells her to bring it. That’s just what Charlotte does with a backhand to the face so Ronda hits a jumping knee, which is countered into a Liontamer. Becky breaks it up with a bulldog and hits a double DDT for two each.

A super Bexploder gets two on Charlotte, setting up a double high crossbody from Rousey. The double armbar is countered with a double powerbomb Ronda is done for the moment. Becky calls Charlotte to her and avoids a charge, letting Becky kick her to the floor. The Disarm-Her goes on and Rousey uses the ropes to stand up for the break. A missed charge lets Becky get the Disarm-Her in the corner until Charlotte’s big boot breaks it up.

Charlotte starts in on Rousey’s knee and gets the Figure Four but Becky comes off the top with a legdrop for the save. And now, a table because that’s what this match was calling for. Rousey breaks up a powerbomb through the table and turns the table over, saying tables are for b****** (at least the third time she’s used that word so far). Charlotte comes back in for a double spear as Cole’s voice is almost gone.

The table is set up in the corner and Charlotte gets two off a spear to Becky. Rousey gets back up and helps Becky drive Charlotte somewhat through the table to knock her outside. The fight is on and Rousey goes with a Shining Wizard and tries Piper’s Pit….but gets reversed into a crucifix to give Becky the pin and the titles at 22:27!

Rating: B. The ending was straight out of Angle vs. Benoit at Wrestlemania XVII with the submission attempts all match until the quick pinfall. What matters here is Becky defeated Rousey to win the titles as she should have. That was how this show needed to end and it did, even if the ending could have been a bit smoother. Charlotte will be fine and I’m curious to see who goes after Becky as the first victim.

Replays show Rousey’s shoulders were WAY up so there’s your story going forward (if Rousey sticks around). Cole: “Tonight will forever be known as WrestleMANia!” Oh just stop dude. Pyro and posing takes us out.

Overall Rating: B-. Let’s get the things I got wrong out of the way first. First: this was WAY better than I was expecting after last year’s near nightmare of a show. Second: they actually did give us three happy endings, which I said several times would not happen. I’m very glad to be wrong on that, but I certainly was wrong. Third: yeah HHH vs. Batista went on too long and it brought things down. I had high hopes and they didn’t come through.

Now for the good stuff: the right people won (mostly) and the big matches all went to the right people. For the first time in way too long, we had something to cheer about. If that’s it for Lesnar at the moment, thank goodness because he needs to go away for a long time and leave the title here. Rollins will be fine as champion for the summer before someone wins Money in the Bank and takes it from him (It’s going to be Corbin isn’t it?). Becky winning was the right way to go also, even if the ending was a little rushed. There’s one big one left though.

Kofi Kingston is WWE Champion. That was one of the best moments I’ve seen WWE put on in years and might pass Bryan in New Orleans. It felt special and you don’t get that often enough, mainly because there was serious doubt if they could actually pull the trigger. I loved that moment and was happier than I’ve been at something in a long time. I’d have loved to see it close the show, but I get why they couldn’t go there. Incredible moment though.

Overall, the pacing was FAR better than what they’ve had in recent years and while there was a lot of stuff they needed to trim down (despite having multiple matches go less than five minutes), it didn’t drag nearly as bad as it has before. It still needs to be shorter by about an hour (at least) and not everyone needs to be on the show, but for what we got, it was one of the better shows in recent memory and we got a genuine Wrestlemania moment. Well done, and it was close to being great.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Brock Lesnar – Stomp

AJ Styles b. Randy Orton – Phenomenal Forearm

Usos b. The Bar, Aleister Black/Ricochet and Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev – Double Us to Sheamus

Shane McMahon b. The Miz – McMahon pinned Shane after a superplex off a camera tower

IIconics b. Boss N Hug Connection, Nia Jax/Tamina and Beth Phoenix/Natalya – Super Glam Slam to Bayley

Kofi Kingston b. Daniel Bryan – Trouble in Paradise

Samoa Joe b. Rey Mysterio – Koquina Clutch

Roman Reigns b. Drew McIntyre – Spear

HHH b. Batista – Pedigree

Baron Corbin b. Kurt Angle – End of Days

Finn Balor b. Bobby Lashley – Coup de Grace

Becky Lynch b. Ronda Rousey and Charlotte – Crucifix to Rousey

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Wrestlemania XXXIV
Date: April 8, 2018
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 78,133
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
America the Beautiful: Chloe x Hallie

I’m not sure if it’s because I was in the stadium last year or something else, but this show was actually a bit more memorable than the previous few editions. Hopefully it’s just as good watching it back but you never can tell with these things. Brock Lesnar is defending the Universal Title against Roman Reigns in the main event because of course he is so let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Titus O’Neil, Luke Gallows, Dash Wilder, Chad Gable, Curt Hawkins, Scott Dawson, Primo Colon, Kane, Curtis Axel, Apollo, Tye Dillinger, Rhyno, Aiden English, Matt Hardy, Tyler Breeze, Mike Kanellis, Karl Anderson, Mojo Rawley, R-Truth, Sin Cara, Dolph Ziggler, Viktor, Shelton Benjamin, Goldust, Bo Dallas, Zack Ryder, Baron Corbin, Heath Slater, Konnor, Fandango

JR and Jerry Lawler come out for commentary with Byron Saxton for a bit of a feel good moment. It’s a brawl to start with English getting backdropped out, much to the fans’ annoyance. Anderson dumps Konnor and Ziggler starts his tradition of hanging on to avoid elimination. There goes Hawkins as we still need to clear out a lot of the ring. Former partners R-Truth and Goldust shake hands with Goldust eliminating him, cutting off JR’s Bearcat Wright’s references.

Primo is out next as there’s almost nothing between these eliminations. Kanellis gets tossed and Ziggler hangs on again. Things settle down a bit unto Apollo knees Breeze as JR mocks Ziggler for always having to save himself. Viktor is gone too and the Revival beats on Ryder but he’s right back up. The Broski Boot is loaded up on Ziggler (JR: “Ziggler in trouble. Again.”) but Rawley Pounces Ryder out in a nice touch. A Liger kick from Gable eliminates Anderson and Titus gets rid of Gallows as we take a break.

Apollo getting backdropped out and Benjamin follows him…and let’s look at the announcers. We come back with Rhyno and the Revival gone and Kane eliminating Axel and Dallas. And now, we look at John Cena in the crowd as a fan, because I had forgotten about that stupid story. Back with Sin Cara eliminated by Corbin and Fandango dancing at Kane, earning himself an elimination off a single uppercut.

Corbin gets rid of Slater and Kane eliminates Gable, leaving us with the big power showdown. Everyone else jumps the monsters and it’s a superkick to Titus, setting a clothesline to get rid of him. We’re down to Corbin, Dillinger, Goldust, Rawley, Ziggler, Hardy and Kane as Goldust loads up Shattered Dreams on Dillinger. That’s broken up by Ziggler so Goldust ties him up for Shattered Dreams as well. Dillinger takes the kick but Ziggler eliminates Goldust.

That leaves us with a TEN vs. DELETE battle with a Twist of Fate and Dillinger is gone. Kane tosses Ziggler but gets eliminated by Corbin to get us down to Corbin, Hardy and Rawley. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy and the villains go for the elimination….but here’s the returning Bray Wyatt for Sister Abigail into an elimination for Rawley. Corbin drops Wyatt but gets backdropped out to give Matt the win at 16:36.

Rating: D+. It was a battle royal that got a lot of time and wasn’t all that interesting. The ending was a cool moment and it’s the best way to get everyone on the card, even if most of these people mean a grand total of nothing. It’s not a good match or even anything memorable, but at least it got the crowd warmed up….with an hour to go before the show itself starts.

Post match Matt thanks Bray and we get a hug, which JR deems a Wrestlemania moment.

Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

Tournament final to crown a new champion after Enzo Amore was finally banished. Ali debuts his SubZero look, which he still uses a year later. They’re both very happy to be there and slaps hands before getting started. Cedric scores with a shoulder block but gets headscissored down as the announcers are right there to play up the power vs. speed idea, though you don’t exactly think of power when it comes to Alexander.

Ali heads to the apron and gets enziguried down, setting up the big flip dive to the floor and…actually not a break. Back in and Cedric starts in on the ribs with a waistlock, followed by a heck of a backdrop for two. Ali gets out of another waistlock and faceplants him for two as Alexander looks focused while being in pain. The running Spanish Fly drops Ali again and it takes both of them time to get up. They’re doing a rather good job of showing how even these two are, which is what you should be doing in a tournament final.

Ali is up first and tries a tornado DDT but gets placed on top, where Ali catches him with a super Spanish Fly, shocking even Cena. The 054 is loaded up but Cedric knocks him off the top for a huge crash to the floor. That’s not serious so let’s go split screen for a Ronda Rousey ad. I mean…fair enough. Back in the Lumbar Check is countered, setting up Ali’s awesome tornado DDT.

Now the 054 connects for two, the first time the move has ever only gotten a near fall. Another 054 misses and it’s a pair of spinning back elbows to Ali’s face. A third turns Ali inside out and the Lumbar Check makes Cedric champion at 12:21. Cedric immediately hugs the unconscious Ali in a nice show of sportsmanship.

Rating: B. I was pulling for Ali but it felt like a title match between two guys fighting with everything they had. Cedric was the favorite in the entire tournament but Ali came off looking like a star the whole way through. This was rather good stuff and should have been the Kickoff Show main event, though I’ll take a good match when I can.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Dana Brooke, Becky Lynch, Sarah Logan, Lana, Bianca Belair, Naomi, Sonya Deville, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Peyton Royce, Natalya, Dakota Kai, Mickie James, Taynara Conti, Ruby Riott, Kairi Sane, Sasha Banks, Liv Morgan, Kavita Devi, Bayley

This was going to be the Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal but history intervened and it’s just a regular battle royal this time around. Paige and Beth Phoenix are on commentary and the former has some advice: don’t get thrown over the top rope. Becky comes out first, everyone else comes out, followed by Sasha and Bayley to fill out the field. Miss Money in the Bank Carmella (erg) poses with the briefcase to start and everyone gangs up on her for the easy elimination.

Deville, who got the elimination, poses in the big circle of women but Dana gets thrown in the middle instead. That means trash talk from Brooke and the big beatdown is on with Mandy tossing Dana. The NXT women team up to send the main roster women outside (through the ropes rather than over, which I can’t stand in battle royals) so we can get the WE ARE NXT pose.

Becky yells at Devi about orange being HER COLOR as some of the main roster women get back in. Kai eliminates Mandy as Paige declares Deville her favorite member of Absolution. We stop for the NXT women to triple team Deville, setting up Belair’s 450, because THAT MAKES SENSE IN A BATTLE ROYAL! Deville is out and we take a break, coming back with Sane being tossed after hitting the Insane Elbow thanks to more ganging up on Riott during the break.

Lana and Devi are tossed and Conti gets kicked out by the Squad. Becky and Belair have a less than thrilling slugout and the hair whip is incredibly loud. Belair misses a charge though and gets kicked out, followed by Kai kicking Naomi in the face. Banks gets rid of Kai without much effort and there goes Becky to a chorus of boos (I think Becky will be fine). Ruby knocks Mickie out and it’s Royce’s turn to kick people in the face.

Logan powerbombs her out as well though and we’re down to Morgan, Logan, Riott, Bayley, Banks, Natalya and Naomi, who is out on the floor (oh dear). For some reason Natalya decides to pose with her back turned to the Squad but manages to suplex Ruby and Sarah at the same time.

Bayley saves Sasha from a suplex and helps get rid of Natalya. Morgan is out as well and there goes Ruby. Banks sends Logan to the apron and Bayley knocks her out, leaving us with Banks and Bayley. The fans actually get on their feet to cheer for this one and the handshake…lets Bayley throw Banks out to a big reaction but Naomi gets back in for the Rear View. That’s enough for the win at 9:39.

Rating: F+. I had forgotten how annoying that ending was but it makes you realize just how stupid this whole thing was. Bayley and Banks would go on to have their weird semi-feud and then partnership over the year while Naomi has done NOTHING important since this match. You have something here with Bayley and the bright idea is to do the HAHA WE TRICKED YOU ending? That’s been done to death in battle royals and it’s not like this was anything more than a surprise ending, which was really stupid given how Bayley had been searching for anything important for the last year. This actually ticked me off again so well done.

Jojo introduces Chloe and Hallie to sing America the Beautiful, describing them as the “future of music”. Well if Jojo says it then it must be true.

The opening video shows shots of parties in New Orleans and, just like in 2014, features a tagline of Let The Good Times Roll. They couldn’t come up with anything else in four years? And the theme song is still Celebrate by Kid Rock. Ok it’s a catchy song, but is there nothing else (or no one else) that they could use?

Yay pyro! And cool set with the Mardi Gras mask, which looked awesome all night long.

I was in the stadium for this show, sitting in the lower bowl and looking not quite directly at the far post on the right side opposite the hard camera.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

Miz is defending and we get the new idea this year: 3D graphics for some of the entrances, including Miz who gets the Miz logo and various words to describe him, including MOVIE STAR. Miz sends the Miztourage to the back because he wants to do this himself for his newborn daughter. The weird part is you couldn’t see those in the stadium (obviously) but you could see them on the screens around the building, which made your head snap around a few times.

Balor isn’t the Demon here, but instead comes out with a bunch of LGBT people in rainbow Balor Club shirts labeled FOR EVERYONE. If nothing else, it’s awesome to see the stadium doing the Balor pose at once. This was set up with both guys beating Miz in one night, because Balor beating Miz after Miz had a long match with Rollins is totally the same thing.

They all go for the way too early rollups to start with Miz being sent outside. That means Rollins can miss a Stomp on Balor but a superkick to the ribs works just fine. Balor sends Rollins outside though and it’s the big running flip dive onto both of them for the first major pop of the night. Back in and basement dropkick gives Balor two on Miz but Rollins is back in with a high crossbody.

Miz finally gets to do something other than get beaten up as we look at Cena in the crowd again. Rollins grabs a double Blockbuster for two on Miz but he’s right back up with a knee to the ribs (not face Cole). The chinlock goes on, which shouldn’t be the case less than four minutes into a triple threat. Back up and a neckbreaker gets two on Miz as they’re just trading moves until we get to the big stuff. Another chinlock seems to annoy Balor so he gets up again and hits the double stomp to Miz’s ribs.

Rollins is back in for a Sling Blade to Balor, setting up a suicide dive to Balor and Miz. A superkick drops Balor again but Miz comes in with a DDT for two. Miz goes with the strategy by bending Balor’s knee around the ropes and slapping on the Figure Four. The frog splash from Rollins (from out of nowhere for an awesome visual) breaks it up and all three of them head outside.

Balor escapes the barricade powerbomb and dropkicks them both into the barricade instead. Back in again and 1916 gets two on Rollins but Miz breaks up the Coup de Grace. Instead of the Tower of Doom though it’s the buckle bomb to Miz and a superplex into the Falcon Arrow to Balor. The Skull Crushing Finale gives Miz two on Rollins and they’re all down again.

Balor does his hop over the ropes in the corner but gets crotched for trying the Coup de Grace again. It’s just not working this time dude. Miz goes up top with Balor and catches a springboarding Rollins with something close to a super Skull Crushing Finale. Balor breaks it up with a Coup de Grace and hits a second on Miz but the Stomp breaks that up too. Another Stomp hits Miz to give Rollins the pin and the title at 15:37.

Rating: B-. This might have been a few minutes too long but Rollins winning was a fine call as he’s more than over enough and kind of fits the Workrate Champion idea to perfection. Miz can come back and break the all time days record later and Balor is over no matter what. Not a great match, but a very hot opener and the fans were into everything here.

We recap the Smackdown Women’s Title match, which is billed as the BIGGEST WOMEN’S MATCH IN WRESTLEMANIA HISTORY. My how times change. Anyway Charlotte is the queen of everything and Asuka won the Royal Rumble to earn this shot. It’s absolutely a dream match with Charlotte being Charlotte and Asuka still being undefeated.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Asuka

Charlotte is defending and gets the full Ric Flair theme song, complete with a HHH from Wrestlemania XXX inspired entrance, meaning soldiers to help her off a throne and take her robe. Asuka on the other hand gets the CGI masks with rainbow colored lines surrounding them, which look cool on screen but live….not so much. They lock up to start and take turns flipping out of wristlocks for an early standoff.

Charlotte loads up a monkey flip but instead trips the leg for a failed Figure Eight attempt. You can feel the intensity here and it’s working well so far. Some chops to the chest (and one to the face) have Asuka in trouble but she’s right back with a hip attack to knock Charlotte outside. Back in and it’s time to start in on the arm but Charlotte gets in a backbreaker into an STO. Charlotte uses a Backpack Stunner to get out of a sleeper and a knee to the back of the head keeps Asuka in trouble.

It’s enough trouble for Charlotte to go up top for the moonsault….which is countered into a triangle for a sweet escape. Charlotte reverses into a Boston crab until Asuka makes the rope. A sliding kick to the face knocks Charlotte backwards and it’s back to the arm as Asuka continues to follow her game plan. They head to the apron with Asuka suplexing her out to the floor in a good looking crash. Sometimes you need to just go with a big spot like that and it worked very well.

Back in and they stare each other down until Asuka just erupts with strikes to the face. A missile dropkick gets two and Asuka stomps on the back. Charlotte is fine enough for the chops to catch Asuka on top and it’s a super Spanish Fly for two with the fans getting much more into things in a hurry. Natural Selection is countered into something like an Octopus Hold from Asuka’s back for a cool change of pace.

Charlotte tries to flip out and into the Figure Eight but Asuka kicks her in the head for a block. Well that’s certainly to the point. The Asuka Lock is blocked and Charlotte hits a very good spear for two more as the fans are WAY into this. With nothing else working, Charlotte goes to the Figure Eight and bridges up with one arm….and Asuka taps at 13:05 in a shocker.

Rating: A-. I don’t get shocked by results very often but I was actually stunned to see how this went. I would have bet money on Asuka walking out as champion here but Charlotte winning was far from a ridiculous result. Now the problem is what this did to Asuka, as she only started to recover from the loss nearly a year later. Charlotte would lose the title to Carmella two days later, bringing some dark days to the belt. This however was anything but dark, with an outstanding match between two stars.

Post match Asuka gets the mic and says Charlotte was ready for her in the ultimate sign of respect.

With Charlotte on the ramp and Asuka in the ring, a referee tells Cena something that makes him get out of his seat and run up the ramp. You really couldn’t wait until the women were gone so they could have the full moment?

US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton vs. Rusev

Orton is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Aiden English (now bald, meaning he shaved his head since the end of the battle royal when he had hair) handles Rusev’s entrance and we get my favorite shot every year: a closeup of someone with the camera swinging around to show the stadium crowd in front of them. There’s something so cool about seeing just how big of a stage they’re really on. Anyway, Rusev is crazy over and easily the crowd favorite. Does anyone else see an issue with Orton’s music saying “I hear voices in my head” while his Titantron says IN MY VEINS?

While you think about that, Orton and Mahal are sent outside, leaving Rusev to dropkick (yes dropkick) Roode to the floor. A RUSEV DAY Cannonball off the apron takes Orton and Mahal down again but Roode is back in with a Blockbuster for two on Rusev. The other two get back in and it’s Mahal getting beaten up by Orton and Roode before being tossed right back to the floor. Orton hits the top rope superplex on Roode with Rusev and Mahal diving back in for the save.

That’s enough for Mahal to ask Rusev for a partnership but Rusev doesn’t even bother waiting before hitting Mahal with a spinning belly to back suplex for two. Roode makes it worse by busting Mahal’s spine and hitting the GLORIOUS pose, only to have Orton make a save this time.

That leaves Orton alone in the ring and it’s the hanging DDT on Rusev. The RKO hits English, Rusev and Mahal so it’s Roode making a save of his own. Roode blocks the RKO and plants Orton with the Glorious DDT as Mahal saves. The Machka Kick drops Mahal but Sunil Singh offers a distraction, letting Mahal hit the Khallas for the pin on Rusev at 8:14. You could literally feel the energy go out of the crowd.

Rating: D+. There was some hard work in there but this was the definition of Vince saying screw the audience because it’s all about what I want. Rusev was one of the most popular guys in the company and had been for months but instead we get Mahal, who was an all time bomb as WWE Champion getting to pin Rusev.

It’s not like there was even a long term plan as Mahal would lose the title a mere eight days later. Rusev would indeed get the title nearly nine months later, after his popularity had fallen way down, meaning it was acceptable to give the fans what they want. This really hurt the show and it’s going to be hard to recover.

We recap Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon and yeah I think this might help the recovery process. After being at Wrestlemania XXXI and attacking Stephanie, Rousey made her official WWE debut at the Royal Rumble earlier in the year. She wanted to go to Wrestlemania and since she was (at the time) the most dominant female UFC fighter of all time, Stephanie wanted to mold her into a WWE star.

Angle, who had been screwed over by Stephanie and HHH before, warned Ronda that they would mess with her too. That didn’t sit well with Rousey, who beat both of them up on the way to this mixed tag match. Naturally we got a lot of Stephanie workout videos because she’s STEPHANIE and that makes her some wrestling legend. It’s sickening, and I was waiting on her to survive the armbar in the match. It was clear that this was going to be full of smoke and mirrors, but the question is how well Rousey is going to do in her debut. This is one of the main events of the show and something a lot of people really wanted to see.

Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon

HHH and Stephanie come out on matching motorcycles (flanked by four women on their own motorcycles), with Stephanie’s biker look (including the leather pants) making me a lot less annoyed at her. Cole: “Even though Stephanie is a former Women’s Champion, this is her Wrestlemania in-ring debut!” WWE pretending that Stephanie was a wrestler is one of their more interesting character tweaks. Rousey gets a huge reaction and of course smiles at the crowd, as is her custom. Cole talks about two people starting in UFC and coming to WWE: Ken Shamrock and now Rousey. So they’re not Dan Severn fans either?

The fans are WAY behind Rousey as they stare each other down in the middle. Stephanie shoves Rousey in the face because Stephanie just never learns. A hair pull doesn’t prove to be the brightest idea either so Stephanie bails to the apron so the guys can start us off. Angle (very badly) punches at HHH and the beating is on in the corner. A hammerlock keeps HHH does as we’re just waiting for this to explode as it should be doing.

Stephanie manages to lure Rousey in though and Angle gets low bridged to the floor. Cole calls this “that McMahon instinct” as the worship is already a lot to take. Angle gets sent into the steps and Rousey is about to lose it because she can’t intervene. Some more cheap shots from Stephanie keep Rousey angry and a spinebuster gives HHH two. A front facelock keeps Angle down but he gets a boot up in the corner.

Stephanie chokes Angle and HHH nearly hits her by mistake but it’s still too early for the hot tag. A suplex drops HHH again but Stephanie runs around and pulls Rousey off the apron. HHH gets whipped over the corner for the real crash and you can see the panic in Stephanie. The hot tag brings in Rousey (Graves: “CALL THE COPS!!!”) who SPRINTS over to Stephanie and throws her down with a suplex. After the required tug of the shorts, Rousey unloads with rights and lefts in the corner as the fans are already losing it. The release throw sends Stephanie back into the corner and Graves is terrified.

The fans want and receive the armbar….but Stephanie blocks it. Yes the hold that UFC fighters were powerless again is a simple block for Stephanie as the crowd’s soul is slapped down again. Stephanie blocks it a second time and rakes the eyes (Cole: “Complete manipulation of the rules!” Ignore the complete manipulation of reality and focus on those rules man.”), setting up a double arm crank as the fans try to process that they’re really doing this.

Stephanie even mocks Rousey, who grabs her by the throat and hits the swinging Samoan drop for two with HHH pulling the referee. Rousey: “I’m going to continue beating up your wife ok?” HHH pulls her out as well, apparently not a fan of such chatty opponents. Angle is back up and sends HHH over the announcers’ table but gets thrown onto the Spanish table. After a slow crawl, HHH is back in and sees Rousey, who is ready to fight. HHH puts the referee in the corner and sizes Rousey up and the beating is on in the corner.

A legsweep looks to set up the swinging Samoan drop but Stephanie makes a save. I know I’m not a big HHH fan a lot of the time but he just made Rousey look like the biggest star in the history of the division. Rousey chases Stephanie outside though and has to adjust the gear again, allowing Stephanie to post her. Angle is back in for some belly to belly suplexes and the rolling Germans but the ankle lock is countered. The Pedigree is countered as well and HHH gets catapulted into the corner, setting up the Angle Slam for two with no one making a save.

Stephanie breaks up the ankle lock and yells at Angle, who catches the boot to the ribs. HHH has to save his wife and Pedigrees Angle for two with Rousey making her own save this time. With Angle down, HHH loads Rousey up for a powerbomb but gets hurricanranaed (!) into the armbar on HHH (I completely bought that as the finish live) until Stephanie grabs a choke.

That’s reversed into an armbar and Stephanie has the gall to block it AGAIN. Angle ankle locks HHH, who rolls Angle into Rousey for the real save. Rousey and Angle get posted and it’s time for stereo Pedigrees, both of which are broken up. The armbar is slapped on again and this time Rousey uses the leverage to pull back and Stephanie finally taps at 20:37.

Rating: A. That’s not even on a sliding scale because Rousey knocked that out harder than she knocked out Alexis Davis. She looked like she’s been doing this for ten years and had one of the best debut matches I’ve ever seen. Everyone else was nailing it too and I got completely sucked into it both live and watching it back because all of the stuff was that good. Don’t have Stephanie block the armbar so often and this is an A+ easy.

That was the only downgrade, even though you knew full well it was coming. To be fair though, Stephanie did tap out clean in the end so it wasn’t the most ridiculous thing ever. Well the first part was but not the finish. After this, how can you now see Rousey as the star that she already was?

Stephanie has to be helped out, as she should. She would get armbarred again the next night for a bonus.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

The Usos are defending after the Bludgeon Brothers destroyed both other teams last month at Fastlane. Woods plays the trombone (using the same tune that would summon the Dragonzord on Mighty Morphin Power Rangers)…to bring out a fleet of small people dressed as stacks of pancakes, some of whom do the Worm. I still don’t get why pancakes are supposed to be funny, but anyone who plays a trombone like the Dragon Dagger (that thing was IMPOSSIBLE to find back in the day) is cool with me.

Kofi wastes no time in hitting Trouble in Paradise on Jey but Harper pulls him outside before the count. Jimmy gets sent into the steps and Harper crashes against Big E. against the barricade. With no one else to beat up, Woods gets powerbombed against the post, leaving Rowan to splash Kofi and Jey back inside. The mostly done Jey is thrown outside and Big E. gets knocked off the apron. Jimmy comes back in for a pair of superkicks and Jey is back up for stereo kicks to Harper’s head in the corner.

A jumping enziguri hits Harper and a superkick knocks Rowan to the floor, setting up a double suplex on the outside. Harper catches Kofi with a swinging release Boss Man Slam but gets caught with a double superkick on top. Rowan breaks up the Tower of Doom so Kofi charges at Harper, only to get powerbombed by Rowan. An assisted super sitout powerbomb finishes Kofi to give Harper and Rowan the titles at 5:55.

Rating: C-. The time cuts aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world with the Usos and the New Day giving it all they had against the monsters but not being able to stop them. The Bludgeon Brothers were the first time a team other than the Usos or New Day had held the belts in over a year so this was long, long overdue and the right call.

Here’s what’s coming to the Network, most of which actually happened for a change.

Here’s a fired up John Cena for his match with Undertaker. This comes after weeks of Cena calling out Undertaker for Wrestlemania because Undertaker seemingly retired after last year’s show. Cena came off as the biggest jerk in this feud and acting like Undertaker owed him something. There was no confirmation that Undertaker was going to be here, hence him sitting in the crowd earlier.

That’s the other stupid part of the whole thing: Cena kept talking about how he had no path to Wrestlemania, because JOHN CENA couldn’t get a match. He gave some lame excuse about how this was the only match that mattered and it didn’t do a thing to make up for the consistently annoying lines from commentary about Cena possibly being left out of Wrestlemania. I get what they were going for, but come on already.

Anyway Cena is ready to go but here’s a referee to say not so fast. Cena is disappointed and the lights go out. It’s only Elias though and Cena heads back to his seat as Elias sings about it being his night. That’s enough for Cena who runs in and beats Elias up before looking disappointed again. Cole: “I guess that would be a Wrestlemania moment right?” He goes up the ramp but stops….and the lights go out again. A spotlight hits the ring with Undertaker’s hat, coat and boots, which are hit by lighting (looks awful on the Network, looked great when you didn’t see it coming in the stadium. They’re gone, and the gong strikes.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

I know he’s been old for ten years, but that entrance live, especially in the stadium, is chilling. Cole of course can’t SHUT UP, saying everything he can think of, including calling them the two greatest performers of all time. Undertaker goes straight at him in the corner to start and hits the jumping clothesline. Old School connects and Undertaker hits some running clotheslines in the corner. Snake Eyes into the big boot into the big leg have Cena rocked but the chokeslam is escaped.

Cena’s belly to back connects but Undertaker sits up before the Shuffle, making Cena fall down in fear. The chokeslam into the Tombstone finishes Cena at 2:48. The more I think of this one, the more I like it. Cena ran his mouth for so long and Undertaker annihilated him here, just as he should have. While a lot of people will be annoyed at not getting a full form match between these two, I’d rather they do this than have Undertaker look back in a fifteen minute match.

Video on the Hall of Fame ceremony.

Here’s the Hall of Fame Class, which really doesn’t need to air on the show. They already get a whole evening to themselves. Do we really need ten minutes on Wrestlemania too?

Jeff Jarrett (eh sure, though it’s still weird to see him here)

Mark Henry (still not sure on him, though his documentary was great)

Hillbilly Jim (I’m a Kentucky boy but come on)

Ivory (she looks better now than she did during her career)

Jarius JJ Robertson (Warrior Award)

Dudley Boyz (yep)

Goldberg (yep, though I’d call the Dudleys more appropriate headliners)

Oh and Kid Rock, this year’s celebrity inductee, wasn’t there because he had a concert.

We recap Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens. Bryan somehow overcame his injuries and returned to the ring in something I still can barely believe. Owens and Zayn had tormented Smackdown boss Shane for months and then attacked Bryan for firing them the night he was announced as being cleared. Therefore it’s a tag match with Owens and Zayn fighting for their jobs. Yeah that’s all well and good. The point here is Bryan actually getting back in the ring, which is almost impossible to imagine.

Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon

Owens and Zayn beat McMahon up on Smackdown to cover for Shane’s legitimate medical issues. Chris Jericho was apparently on red phone alert for this show with a plan to have him fly in from a Fozzy show on the corporate jet in case Shane couldn’t make the show. Bryan gets a special entrance with a weird military/Terminator themed video showing a target on the Superdome before looking at the YES Movement spreading throughout the world in a cool moment. You can feel the emotions in Bryan as he comes down the aisle and it’s an amazing sight to behold.

Owens and Zayn jump the good guys from behind and Shane gets thrown over the barricade. Bryan takes a Helluva kick and the apron powerbomb to leave him laying. Medics come out to check on Bryan as yes, they actually are trying to stretch this out even further. Shane is willing to fight on his own and unloads with the really bad punches to Owens in the corner.

There’s the jumping back elbow but Shane grabs his stomach due to the diverticulitis (the same thing that ruined Lesnar’s UFC career). A DDT drops Sami but Owens gets in a shot to the stomach to cut Shane off. We settle down into a regular match with Sami elbowing the ribs and going for one cover after another. Owens steps on the ribs and applauds Bryan for such a great return. A t-bone suplex gives Sami two and a superkick into the Blue Thunder Bomb is good for the same. The fans don’t care about this whatsoever and there’s no reason for them to.

With Bryan STILL being tended to at ringside, it’s just a big waiting game until Bryan gets back up and makes the hot tag. The Helluva Kick misses in the corner and Sami gets tied in the Tree of Woe. Coast to Coast hits but Shane can’t follow up because of the stomach. Owens drops the frog splash on Shane but Bryan dives in for the save to bring the fans back to life. The hot tag is cut off though and we hit the chinlock to make the fans wait a little longer. A belly to back suplex gets Shane out of trouble though and there’s the tag, with Bryan taking his time before getting in for an awesome moment.

House is cleaned and it’s the moonsault over Sami into the running clothesline. Owens comes back in and Bryan gets them in opposite corners for alternating running dropkicks. Sami is back with a Helluva Kick for two on Bryan and Owens superkicks Shane to the floor. The Pop Up Powerbomb gets two more and Owens is shocked at the kickout. Shane dives onto Owens, leaving Sami to yell at Bryan for coming back and punch him in the face. That’s enough for Bryan and the fight is on, including the YES Kicks. The running knee sets up the YES Lock to make Sami tap at 15:24.

Rating: C+. This was two matches in one with the rather boring beatdown of Shane for the first half before Bryan came in and gave the fans exactly what they wanted for the second half. It was all about Bryan and that’s all it was supposed to be. The idea that he actually made it back to the ring is amazing and one of the most surprising stories you’ll ever see in wrestling. He deserved a big moment like this and that’s what we got here, albeit after Shane got in his own time of course.

Attendance announcement, with pyro because it’s Wrestlemania.

We recap Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss. They were friends, but Jax found out that Bliss was making fun of her behind her back. Jax went into monster mode and chased after Bliss and her friend Mickie James, setting up this match. Now there’s no reason this shouldn’t be about thirty seconds long, but it’s Wrestlemania and what matters is getting on the card and having a long match instead of doing what makes sense.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax

Bliss, with James in her corner, is defending and is lowered down to the stage on a platform for a nice touch. We get the Big Match Intros and Bliss immediately backs up as she should. Jax gets smart and runs Mickie over before the bell rings to send her outside for a heck of a beatdown. Bliss tries to intervene and gets glared back to the ring, leaving James to take a Samoan drop on the floor.

We get back inside for the opening bell and Bliss slaps her in the face. That earns a scream from Nia so Bliss screams back in true scream queen fashion. A gorilla press slam has Bliss bailing to the floor and it’s time to leave, only to have Nia run her over again. Back in and Bliss pokes her in the eye before going after the knee in a smart move.

What’s not a smart move is this match already going nearly three minutes with Bliss getting in any significant offense. A basement dropkick keeps Jax in trouble but a guillotine choke is easily countered via an overhead belly to belly suplex. Jax goes shoulder first into the post as the fans are quiet all over again. Twisted Bliss to a standing Nia on the floor gives Bliss another knockdown, setting up the short DDT for two back inside.

Bliss yells at her so Nia tells her to shut up already and the destruction begins. Another poke to the eye is no sold and Bliss gets whipped hard into the buckles. Bliss goes to the eye again to get out of the Samoan drop but Jax drives her into the corner and then drops her. That’s not enough as it’s a super Samoan drop to give Jax the pin and the title at 9:02.

Rating: D-. What were they thinking here? The whole story was that Bliss was all talk and survived because of Nia but then she hangs with Nia for the better part of ten minutes? This should have been thirty seconds long with Bliss getting the title back later on (as she did in June) after coming back from getting squashed. Just a bad idea all around here, save for Jax FINALLY winning the title.

We recap AJ Styles defending the Smackdown World Title against Shinsuke Nakamura. They had a classic match in Japan and a lot of fans wanted to see it again in WWE. Nakamura won the Royal Rumble and the match was on, with both guys trying to get in the other’s head on the way to New Orleans. So yeah, they’re just going with “it’s a dream match” for the build, which works just fine.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura is challenging and gets played to the ring by Nita Strauss (awesome guitar player and rather gorgeous at the same time). The army of violinists and drummers help too. Since WWE can’t go more than five minutes without making some kind of a mistake, AJ is billed as Universal Champion. They lock up to start with Nakamura getting the better of it with some knees to the ribs.

Good Vibrations is blocked and AJ gets in his own knee before starting in on the back. Styles grabs a chinlock for a bit before dropkicking him to the floor. That’s not the best idea though as it’s a kick to the head to stagger Styles and the champ is in trouble for the first time. Nakamura’s middle rope kick to the face gets two and that’s a COME ON to set up the strikes to the face.

The running knee to the ribs in the corner gets two but AJ is right back with a belly to back faceplant. A sliding forearm into the pumphandle gutbuster gets two on Nakamura as they’re trading big spots. AJ’s springboard is countered into the Landslide (Samoan driver) for two but Nakamura needs a minute before following up. With nothing else working, Nakamura goes with the kicks, which are countered into the Calf Crusher.

Since it’s Nakamura, that’s reversed into a triangle choke, which AJ powers into something like a fisherman’s buster for another double knockdown. It’s Nakamura up first and trying a running knee in the corner but the bad knee hit the buckle instead. AJ is right back with a Phenomenal Forearm for two in the required kickout of the first finisher.

The springboard 450 hits knees and Nakamura grabs a small package for two of his own. They slug it out until AJ nails the Pele but can’t follow up, allowing Nakamura to knee him in the back of the head for a much nearer fall. The reverse exploder looks to set up the Kinshasa but AJ rolls through into the Styles Clash for the pin to retain at 20:21.

Rating: B+. This was close to being a classic but it’s really just a very good match instead. Part of the problem here is how late the match came in the show. The fans were starting to get worn down and there was only so much energy left in the people. Also it never quite got to the epic level that they were shooting for with Nakamura never really getting the close near falls that he needed to take it to another level. Still that, very good and worthy of a Wrestlemania title match.

Post match they hug in a copy of the earlier match where the Japanese winner of the Royal Rumble was defeated in the title match. Nakamura kneels to him and presents AJ with the title…before hitting him low for a heel turn which should have led to him winning the title. It kind of did, but the US Title instead of the World Title, which is why Nakamura is nowhere near as big a deal just a year later. Also, why should I want to see AJ face Nakamura again when he just beat him clean? Nakamura hits him with two Kinshasas before leaving.

We recap the Kickoff Show. This is another few minutes that could be cut off.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman/???

The Bar is defending after Strowman won a battle royal to become #1 contenders despite not having a partner. Therefore the big question for over a month is who would the partner be. The Bar comes out on a Mardi Gras float, complete with people in large headed costumes for a cool visual. There’s no partner for Strowman, who breaks up the float before coming to the ring.

We get the Big Match Intros and Strowman takes the mic to introduce the partner. It’s not someone in the locker room….because it’s one of the fans. Strowman looks around, looks around some more, and then points at someone in the crowd. He walks into the crowd, walks around some more…and picks a ten year old. They walk back to the ring to burn up even more time because SURE THIS SHOW CAN JUST KEEP GOING.

Strowman and the kid get in the ring where the kid is introduced as Nicholas (the son of referee John Cone). Cole: “This is really happening.” He’s never been more right. Oh and the search for a partner and introduction took about four and a half minutes, again because this show can just keep going. Strowman takes Sheamus into the corner with no problem to start before beating up Cesaro as well.

Nicholas is terrified (as he should be) as Cesaro dropkicks Strowman in the knee. A double suplex lets Sheamus drop a top rope knee, setting up an assisted swanton from Sheamus’ shoulders. Strowman comes back with a double crossbody and backdrops Sheamus over the top, bouncing him off the post in the process. To cap it off, Strowman tags Nicholas in. The kid is terrified and tags Strowman back in for the powerslam to Cesaro for the pin and the titles at 3:58.

Rating: F. I….what do you want from me here? This was an idea that completely failed because WWE had no idea what to do here and this is all they could do. Put Heath Slater or someone in there, or have Strowman do a rendition of Me And My Shadow and have him win it by himself. It was a joke that was literally forgotten the next night and stretched the show out even more because they couldn’t just cut this and put Strowman ANYWHERE else. I’m sure Matt Hardy had to win the battle royal right?

Wrestlemania 35 is in New York/Jersey. You don’t hear New Jersey mentioned here, but I guess it’s just implied.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. It’s the latest attempt to make Reigns feel like the mega star because the first few times didn’t take. Therefore he won the Elimination Chamber (beating Strowman after Strowman eliminated everyone else), THIS TIME FOR SURE! Lesnar has been champion for a year and barely ever defends the title, because that was so successful the first few times. Their fights over the last few weeks get the music video treatment.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is challenging and WOW the fans are not happy to see him. To make it a little better, Brock drives him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs, followed by the German suplexes. Reigns pops up with a Superman Punch to send Brock to the floor as they’re starting fast again. Back in and a clothesline knocks Lesnar over the top and out to the floor as the fans chant things to amuse themselves.

Lesnar catches him with a belly to belly on the floor and another one drops Reigns on his head. There’s the required CM PUNK chant and a third belly to belly sends Reigns face first into the announcers’ table because Brock didn’t realize how much room he had. Back in and Lesnar throws another German suplex, declaring it SUPLEX CITY B****. More suplexes ensue because that’s what Lesnar does in a big time match. Brock gets tired of that and loads up the announcers’ table but Reigns posts him for a much needed breather.

A spear puts Lesnar onto (not through) another table as the fans boo the heck out of this. Or maybe they’re mad about losing a beach ball. The Superman Punch into a pair of spears gets two and now the fans are definitely happy with a beach ball. Brock blocks a spear with a knee to the face that brings Graves out of his chair.

The first F5 gets two and virtually no reaction from the crowd. Another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. To switch it up, another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. The fans declare it boring so Lesnar takes him outside for the fourth F5 through the announcers’ table. Lesnar takes it back inside and stands there as the fans do something else in the crowd that goes from cheering to booing during the same closeup.

The fifth F5 gets two so Lesnar takes the gloves off at Heyman’s orders. The fans call it awful as Lesnar hammers away to bust Reigns open. It’s quite the gusher but Reigns slips out of the F5 and hits a pair of spears for two. Another spear is countered into the sixth F5 to retain the title at 15:51.

Rating: D+. Well of course he does. The problem here is that there is good action in the match but it’s too much of the same stuff and the fans having none of it that took away its value. Couple that with knowing that we’re just waiting on even more Reigns title shots and promos about needing to be champion and there was no way this was going to work. The fans (including myself) were done with this WAY before the match started and that’s all there was to it.

Reigns gets cleaned up and we get the long video package. Back in the stadium, Reigns leaves and the show ends. I stood around for a long time while this was going on because the video doesn’t play in the stadium and it wasn’t clear if the show was over or not.

Overall Rating: C-. I know I (and a lot of other people) say it over and over but it’s just too long. There is a limit to how long you can sit watching wrestling in person or at home and Wrestlemania has blown past that for years now. At some point you just stop caring and there’s very little that can be done to fix such a problem. They need to do something because this isn’t going to work no matter what they do. Cut out a lot of stuff and it’s a great show, but the whole package didn’t work.

There’s a lot of good stuff in here, such as the opener, AJ vs. Nakamura, Charlotte vs. Asuka, the mixed tag and a few other moments here and there. The problem is there’s so much other stuff that either doesn’t work (the main event, the Raw Women’s Title match and the Raw Tag Team Titles are great places to start) that it really doesn’t work. Get rid of some of that and the show is that much better.

Overall, it comes down to the problem of WWE not listening to the fans. They can throw out as much good content as they want, but if you do it to annoy the fans (the US Title match) or to stretch things out even further past its expiration point (the Universal Title), it’s going to come back to mess things up. There is so much on here that fans don’t want to see and WWE just won’t fix it.

That doesn’t help the length either. If you have a show where the final match is something the fans do not want to see, you’re going to have them sitting there, already annoyed at other things in the show, for hours waiting to see something that only WWE seems interested in. How is that supposed to be appealing for over seven hours? Cut it down, give us something else to cheer for, and remember that Wrestlemania is supposed to be about the best of the best, not everyone on the roster.

Ratings Comparison

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Mustafa Ali vs. Cedric Alexander

Original: B-

Redo: B

Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D+

Redo: F+

Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor

Original: B

Redo: B-

Charlotte vs. Asuka

Original: A-

Redo: A

Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev vs. Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode

Original: D

Redo: D+

Stephanie McMahon/HHH vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey

Original: A-

Redo: A

New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

Redo: B+

Braun Strowman/Nicholas vs. The Bar

Original: F

Redo: F

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C-

This is an interesting one as most of the matches are within the same ballpark but I liked the show a lot better the first time around. Maybe the good was more fun just after the show, but this really didn’t do it for me nearly as well on another viewing. It’s watchable, but definitely not a very good show.

Here’s the original if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/04/14/wrestlemania-xxxiv-the-same-old-story/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXIV
Date: April 8, 2018
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 78,133
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

So here we are. After all these months, we’ve finally arrived at Wrestlemania and as JR has put it, it don’t get no bigger than this. The main event is Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar (THIS TIME FOR SURE!), along with Ronda Rousey making her long awaited in-ring debut. It’s hard to say what to expect, other than a very long show with a lot of stuff crammed in. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for this show. My seat was in the lower arena in the corner, opposite the hard camera. I was looking almost directly at the upper right hand ring post.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Apollo, Shelton Benjamin, Konnor, Mike Kanellis, Primo Colon, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Matt Hardy, Baron Corbin Scott Dawson, Fandango, Mojo Rawley, Chad Gable, Luke Gallows, Dash Wilder, Aiden English, Heath Slater, Viktor, Curtis Axel, Tyler Breeze, Bo Dallas, Rhyno, Titus O’Neil, Kane, Tye Dillinger, Goldust, Curt Hawkins, Sin Cara, Zack Ryder, Karl Anderson

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are in on commentary for this, along with Saxton. I was coming into the stadium as the wrestlers came down the ramp so my timing couldn’t have been much better. As usual, it’s almost impossible to tell what’s going on to start until Aiden English is eliminated. Anderson gets rid of Viktor and it’s already time for Ziggler to do his last second saves.

There goes Hawkins (who I still can’t wait to see actually win something) R-Truth and Goldust reunite for all of eight seconds before Goldust tosses him. With an incorrect countdown to Wrestlemania clock on the screen, Primo is eliminated as well. Mike Kanellis is out (I forgot he worked here too) as Byron tries to explain the Woken Universe to JR. With Jim not exactly sounding interested, Apollo knees Breeze out.

Viktor is out next and the ring is starting to clear a bit, at least to the point where you can at least see the mat. Matt does his rapid fire rams into the buckles to rock Goldust, drawing another DELETE chant. Ryder loads up the Broski Boot on Ziggler but Mojo Rawley runs him over for another elimination to make the fans hate him even more. Gable eliminates Anderson and Titus gets rid of Gallows and we take a break.

Back (After they showed the commercial in the stadium. You know, the place WHERE WE’RE WATCHING WHAT THEY’RE ADVERTISING!) with Revival getting rid of Apollo. Wilder is sent to the apron but a Dawson save allows them to eliminate Benjamin instead. The Revival is sent out at the same time, followed by Kane getting rid of the Miztourage. We cut to the crowd where John Cena is watching as a fan (because of course he is) and come back to see Cara being tossed as well.

Kane uppercuts Fandango out and Slater makes the mistake of going to the apron, allowing Corbin to get rid of him as well. Gable joins him on the floor, leaving us with Corbin, Goldust, Rawley, Ziggler, Fandango, Kane, O’Neil and Dillinger. That means a Kane vs. Corbin showdown but everyone else interferes before anything happens. Titus starts cleaning house and throws Ziggler over his shoulders, only to get superkicked and clotheslined out. Goldust snaps off the powerslam to Ziggler and it’s Shattered Dreams to Tye.

Ziggler is ready for him though and dumps Goldust but gets punched down by Hardy. That gives us the TEN vs. DELETE showdown, which I didn’t know I needed to see. A Twist of Fate is enough to get rid of Dillinger, followed by Ziggler superkicking Kane’s hands. Kane dumps him without much effort but Corbin dumps his fellow giant to get us down to Mojo, Corbin and Hardy. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy and the double teaming begins. Not that it matters as we’ve got Bray Wyatt to save Hardy, allowing him to eliminate Rawley. Wyatt takes End of Days but Matt gets rid of Corbin to win at 16:34 as Wyatt wasn’t entered.

Rating: D-. Yeah this was terrible, running WAY too long and making me wonder when it was going to be over. So many of these people just don’t need to be on Wrestlemania (Hawkins, Ascension, R-Truth, Primo, Kanellis, Rawley to name a few) and they’re just extending the show by being in this. Matt winning makes the most sense as it’s not like many other people in the match are doing anything at the moment.

Matt and Bray pose post match as Bray is officially good. Now just don’t get injured and lose your spot again.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

The title is vacant coming in, Drake Maverick is at ringside and Ali is SubZero for some reason. Cedric shouts a lot and they shake hands for the sake of good sportsmanship. An exchange of shoulders goes to Cedric so Ali snaps off a hurricanrana for our first standoff. Back up and Cedric flips away to grab a headscissors, followed by a dropkick for two. Ali gets sent to the floor and taken down by a big flip dive but there’s no commercial, despite the announcers sounding like they were sending us to one. Nice change of pace for once.

Back in and we hit a waistlock to keep Ali down and a high backdrop gives Cedric two. Another waistlock and a knee to the ribs keep Cedric on target as he certainly has a game plan. Cedric plants him with a Spanish Fly and counters a tornado DDT by crotching Ali on top. With Ali stunned, Cedric goes up as well but gets caught in a super Spanish Fly, which even impresses Cena. The 054 is broken up with a shove to the floor and now we go to the inset ad for Rousey’s debut. At least they didn’t show this in the stadium, which would have almost been just as annoying as showing the whole thing.

Back with Cedric getting caught in a reverse hurricanrana and now the tornado DDT connects. The 054 hits this time but Cedric gets his foot on the ropes. Another 054 attempt misses and Alexander elbows him in the head. Ali gets elbowed down again and the Lumbar Check gives him the title at 12:18.

Rating: B-. This was a lot less competitive than I remember it being as Alexander dominated from the beginning and ran over Ali save for a little flurry near the end. Alexander winning is the right call and I’m glad neither of them went heel here. They both looked good but Ali was a step behind what he usually does here. I had a good time with it and Cedric winning is a feel good moment. That’s all you could ask for here.

Kickoff Show: Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Naomi, Carmella, Mandy Rose, Peyton Royce, Liv Morgan, Kavita Devi, Sarah Logan, Dakota Kai, Sasha Banks, Mickie James, Bianca Belair, Becky Lynch, Kairi Sane, Taynara Conti, Sonya Deville, Lana, Bayley, Ruby Riott, Natalya, Dana Brooke

Paige and Beth Phoenix are on commentary. Royce, Devi, Kai, Belair, Sane and Conti are from NXT. Lynch, Bayley and Banks are the only ones to get entrances. Carmella poses with the briefcase at the bell and gets gang attacked, meaning it’s an early elimination. It’s Dana being circled (Dana: “THAT’S NOT NICE!”) and gang attacked for the elimination.

Everything breaks down and the NXT women stand tall, meaning it’s time for the required NXT chant. Becky yells at Devi for stealing the orange look and gets slammed for her complaints. Mandy gets tossed and Paige is panicking. Deville is slammed down and Belair is allowed to hit a 450 as we take a break.

Back with Sane being tossed after hitting the Insane Elbow on Riott during the commercial. Devi is tossed and Conti is knocked out a few seconds later. Belair whips Becky with the hair but gets kicked out in short order. Kai kicks Naomi in the face to put her under the ropes and out to the floor. Banks gets rid of Kai and Riott punches Mickie out. Now it’s Royce firing off some kicks but the Riott Squad superkick her out to a chorus of boos.

We’re down to the Squad, Natalya, Banks, Bayley and Naomi on the floor. Natalya suplexes Riott and Logan down but Bayley saves Sasha from the same. Bayley and Sasha get rid of Natalya, Morgan, Riott and Logan in short order. They stare each other down and Bayley gets the quick elimination. Cue Naomi though and the Rear View is good for the win at 9:49.

Rating: D+. I liked it better than the men’s version (that’s not exactly a high bar to clear) but egads what is the point in giving this to Naomi? She’s been doing a grand total of nothing in recent weeks (months really) and there was a story between Banks and Bayley. This feels like giving Orton the Royal Rumble last year in that someone has to win it, even if

And now, the main show.

Khloe and Halle sing America the Beautiful. They’re billed as “the future of music” but I’m not convinced. If that’s the case, I’d expect an original song.

The opening video is about having a good time, just like it was four years ago. The camera walks through the streets of New Orleans and goes into a cafe/club before someone goes onto a balcony to throw beads down to a crowd below. The regular highlight package, set to Kid Rock’s Celebrate and mixed with Wrestlemania XXX highlights (good choice really), takes us into the stadium and my goodness the set looks amazing. It’s designed to look like a Mardi Gras mask, though the bottom looks like a huge mustache over the entrance. Also, several of the wrestlers’ eyes will appear in the mask for a very cool touch.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

Miz is defending after both challengers beat him in one night, which is totally the same thing or something. Rollins has blue contacts in, I guess making him the ice to the fire that burns it down? Still though, looks pretty cool. In another cool addition, there are some personalized 3D projections for some wrestlers, including Miz’s name with quotes around him saying how great and awesome Miz is. These could only be seen on the monitors so I didn’t notice them until the second match.

Miz, looking even goofier than usual with what looks like a red version of Drew Gulak’s old gear, sends the Miztourage to the back so he can do this on his own. Balor has a rainbow shirt on with a group of fans in identical shirts cheering him on from the stage. The screens say “for everyone” with FOR EVER capitalized.

Balor sends Miz into Rollins to start and some rollups get two for all three of them. With Miz being sent outside, Rollins superkicks Balor in the ribs, only to get sent outside. That means a big flip dive onto the two of them as Balor gets the first real advantage. Everyone heads back inside with Rollins hitting a double Blockbuster for two on Balor. Miz takes Rollins down and grabs a chinlock for a few seconds to slow things down. A neckbreaker gets two on Balor and it’s back to the chinlock.

Balor fights up and stomps on Miz’s ribs but gets caught with a Sling Blade from Rollins. Seth isn’t done and hits a suicide dive on both guys, only to get caught in a Sling Blade from Balor. Miz’s short DDT gets two on Seth and he boots Rollins in the face to break up a springboard. A dragon screw legwhip sets up the Figure Four on Balor but here’s Rollins with a frog splash for the break. That looked much better on screen as you didn’t see Rollins until he was on the top and ready to jump.

They all head outside again with Balor escaping the shoulder breaking barricade bomb. Instead it’s a Sling Blade to put Rollins down but he’s back up with an enziguri to rock Balor. That earns him a Pele and the 1916 for two as Balor is stunned. Miz catches Balor on top but gets caught in a buckle bomb, leaving Balor to take the superplex into a Falcon Arrow but Balor reverses into a small package for two. A Skull Crushing Finale gets two on Rollins to cap off a rocking sequence.

Another Finale is reversed into a rollup for two but Balor gets crotched on top. Rollins goes up top with him but Miz is right there with a super Skull Crushing Finale (looked better than it sounds). The cover is broken up with a Coup de Grace and a second hits Miz clean. Rollins runs over with a Stomp to drive Balor’s head into Miz’s back, followed by the regular version to pin Miz for the title at 15:30.

Rating: B. This was the kind of match you expect from the Intercontinental Title as all three were working hard and the match felt very crisp at the same time. Miz will get the title back someday and break both records, as he should. I’m sure Balor will get the title as well, which is nothing but good for the Intercontinental Title. If nothing else it’s cool to see the former World Champions becoming Intercontinental Champions. That wasn’t always the case (After Pedro Morales, the next former World Champion to win an Intercontinental Title was HHH in 2001) but it’s a good way to give the title some more instant credibility.

Ad for the Andre documentary. I’ve heard good things.

Cena is still a fan. How cool would it be to have him next to you at Wrestlemania?

We recap Charlotte vs. Asuka, which is title vs. streak. Charlotte has dominated the Women’s Division for nearly three years now but Asuka hasn’t a match since debuting in late 2015. The match here is Queen vs. Empress with Charlotte saying she’s ready for Asuka.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Asuka

Charlotte is defending and copies HHH’s entrance from Wrestlemania XXX with a throne and three masked men helping her off. These three: Riddick Moss, Tino Sabbatelli and Dan Matha. I’m assuming this was something about she once helped HHH off the throne but now she has her own, but it felt like a tribute to HHH more than anything else. Asuka on the other hand has 3D masks superimposed over her entrance. You know, in case it wasn’t scary enough already.

They fight over a wristlock to start with both of them flipping away, leaving Charlotte to hit the strut. Charlotte trips her down and goes for the leg but Asuka kicks her away, setting up a knee shot for two. Back up and Asuka’s hip attack is blocked so it’s time for the chops. The second hip attack sends Charlotte outside and you can see the cockiness on Asuka’s face.

Charlotte gets back in and it’s time to start cranking on the arm to set up the Asuka Lock. It’s way too early for that though so Charlotte strikes her in the face a few times but has to break another attempt. This time it’s a backpack Stunner to get Charlotte out of trouble and some knees to the head (think the Stomp but with a knee) put Asuka down again. The moonsault misses though as Asuka catches her in a triangle (SWEET!) in the middle of the ring.

That’s reverses into a Boston crab but Asuka rolls her way out of it. They head to the apron (becoming way too common) and Asuka suplexes her down to the floor in a big crash. Back in and the missile dropkick puts Charlotte down for two and Asuka is getting frustrated. They go up top and it’s a super Spanish Fly (I believe that’s three on the night so far) to give Charlotte a big breather.

Natural Selection is countered into something like an Octopus Hold on the mat before switching to the Asuka Lock. Charlotte reverses that with a rollup before cutting Asuka in half with a spear for a VERY near fall. With Asuka half done, Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight, balancing on one hand because of the banged up arm. After hanging on as long as she can, Asuka ACTUALLY TAPS to retain Charlotte’s title at 13:05.

Rating: A-. I was kind of stunned at the amount of time this had as I would have bet on it being at least five minutes longer. This felt like a clash of titans and Charlotte winning gives her a very strong case for being the best of all time. Aside from not being around as long as some others, she has the resume, skill and pure skill to make her the best WWE has ever seen.

Having Asuka do a lot of her usual stuff (albeit cranked up a few notches) was a great way to set up the match as Charlotte was able to hang on and use what she had seen along with her natural athleticism to be ready for what Asuka brought. It was hard hitting, told a story and was an instant classic. Great stuff here, which shouldn’t be that surprising.

Post match Asuka says Charlotte was ready for Asuka and congratulates her.

With Charlotte on the ramp and Asuka in the ring, a referee tells Cena something (the words “Taker is here” may have been spoken) so Cena jumps the barricade (security around here sucks) and sprints up the ramp. That took something away from the women’s moment. Do the commercial and then move on to the Cena angle. It’s not going to make that much of a difference and lets the women have their full moment.

US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Rusev vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending after having a three way feud with Roode and Mahal for the last few weeks. Rusev pinned Orton in a tag match to be added, along with being one of the hottest guys in the company. Aiden English (who has gotten his hair cut since the battle royal) introduces Rusev, in rhyme of course. You can see the fans heading for the concourse during the entrances, which is rather interesting given how popular Rusev was over the weekend. Aside from a Wrestlemania shirt, I saw more Rusev Day shirts than anything else. I guess the repelling powers of Mahal and Orton are too much even for Rusev Day.

The early threat of an RKO sends Mahal bailing to the floor and Rusev dropkicks Roode to the floor. Rusev cannonballs off the apron to take out Orton and Mahal as Phillips acknowledges the popularity of Rusev Day. Back in and Roode’s Blockbuster gets two, leaving Mahal to get punched back and forth between Roode and Orton. A superplex brings Roode down but it’s Mahal asking Rusev for an alliance.

Rusev, realizing that he should have been Mahal last year, stomps Mahal down in the corner instead before getting two off a belly to back suplex. Roode is back with a spinebuster for two on Mahal but gets posted by Orton. Now it’s Rusev kicking Orton down until a spinwheel kick misses. The hanging DDT plants Rusev and English is starting to panic. A pair of RKO’s take out English and Rusev, followed by one to Mahal for a near fall with Roode making the save. Mahal takes a Machka Kick but can’t get the Accolade. Instead he has to deal with Sunil Singh and walks into the Khallas to make Mahal champion at 8:15.

Rating: D. And that is the big middle finger to the fans who thought they were getting somewhere with the Rusev Day chants. WWE wants Jinder Mahal to be pushed in this role and the lack of success and complete apathy to his push means nothing. This is what WWE wants and you can chant RUSEV DAY and buy his merchandise all you want. Mahal is WWE’s guy right now and you can just deal with it until they’re tired of him. Rusev taking the fall here is all the evidence you need: your voices don’t matter here and get over it. The match was as uninteresting as these four were going to be, which was completely expected.

The Fashion Police try to give Mick Foley a ticket but Breeze likes his style, driving Fandango to his knees in terror.

We recap Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon. Rousey signed with WWE earlier in the year but Angle thinks HHH and Stephanie are just trying to use her. This set off a feud between the two teams with Rousey beating HHH much, only to have Stephanie put her through a table. The match was set up because Rousey needs a debut and putting her in a tag match is the best possible idea. It lets them hide her negatives and accentuate her positives so this has some potential. Of course there’s also the potential that it’s really just about Stephanie, which certainly wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility.

Stephanie McMahon/HHH vs. Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle

In a near repeat of last year, HHH and Stephanie come out on matching motorcycles with a group of motorcycles accompanying them. I don’t know if HHH is just that big a fan of motorcycles or if he just wanted to see his wife as a biker chick again (fair enough) but this didn’t do much for me. Rousey comes out in a Roddy Piper style kilt, in what shouldn’t be a shock to anyone paying attention whatsoever. The fans give Rousey a nice reaction and Stephanie pie faces her before the bell. They’re already milking the heck out of Rousey murdering her and a hair pull makes things even worse.

The men start things off with the fans telling Angle that he still has it. Angle cranks on the arm as they’re actually treating this like a tag match to start. Stephanie offers a low bridge though and HHH sends him into the steps to really take over. A suplex brings Angle back inside and we’re just waiting on this to explode. Back in and HHH calls for and delivers a spinebuster for two. Angle kicks him away and nearly into Stephanie but HHH puts the brakes on in time. A suplex drops HHH, only to have Stephanie pull Rousey off the apron. I’ll give Stephanie this: she knows how to be an amazing heel.

Another kick to the floor is enough for the tag to Rousey and the place goes coconuts. Rousey EXPLODES into the corner (Graves: “CALL THE COPS!”) to pull Stephanie in and scores with a running clothesline. With Stephanie in big trouble (Rouse: “COME ON B****!”), Rousey takes her into the corner and unloads with rights and lefts before throwing Stephanie again. It’s already time for the arm….and Stephanie blocks it by stacking her up.

You can hear the air go out of the stadium, mainly because STEPHANIE MCMAHON JUST BLOCKED THE ARMBAR THAT MMA FIGHTERS (not to mention Olympic level athletes) COULDN’T BLOCK! I mean, is anyone really surprised? It’s the dumbest, most Stephanie praising thing that could have been done so of course they went there. Rousey lets go and gets DDT’d as the announcers try to explain that Stephanie grew up in wrestling so she knows how to do that. Ignore that she’s wrestled one match in over fourteen years; she knows wrestling.

Back up and Rousey goes into Beast Mode, setting up a spinning Samoan drop for two with HHH pulling the referee out. Rousey: “You’re the biggest cheater I’ve ever seen! I’m going to go continue beating up your wife ok?” HHH pulls Rousey outside as well but Angle takes him onto the announcers’ table. Kurt gets thrown onto the other table so HHH can check on Stephanie. He turns around to see Rousey though and it’s time for some intergender violence.

You can see HHH thinking about it and the fans are WAY into this one. He finally agrees to it and Rousey UNLOADS on him with rights and lefts to drive HHH into the corner. A fireman’s carry has HHH in trouble but Stephanie makes the save. This was GREAT with HHH selling the heck out of the beating and making Rousey look that much better. Stephanie slaps Rousey for some reason and the chase is on, this time with Stephanie sending him into the barricade.

HHH takes Rousey down though and it’s time for Angle to unleash the suplexes. The rolling German suplexes have HHH in trouble but he tries a quick Pedigree. That’s reversed into a catapult into the corner (he always takes that so well) and the Angle Slam gets two. There go the straps (that never gets old) but Stephanie breaks up the ankle lock. Angle doesn’t seem to mind and puts the ankle lock on her (doesn’t look great this time around). That’s broken up with a Pedigree but Rousey makes a save.

A powerbomb attempt to Rousey is countered into a hurricanrana (good one too) and there’s the armbar on HHH. The place (including me) goes even more nuts until Stephanie makes the save with a sleeper (called a rear naked choke, which of course Stephanie knows how to do). That’s reversed into another armbar attempt but Stephanie blocks AGAIN.

The ankle lock goes on HHH and the villains grab hands until HHH sends Angle into the women for the break. Angle and Rousey both get posted and it’s time for the double Pedigree. Kurt sends HHH to the floor and the armbar….is blocked for a third time. Rousey FINALLY gets it on and Stephanie taps at 20:38. Dana White is shown applauding Rousey from the front row.

Rating: A-. I can’t give it anything higher than that due to Stephanie going toe to toe with Rousey (at grappling nonetheless) but this was INCREDIBLY fun and far better than anything I was expecting. They pulled every trick they could to make Rousey look better here and it worked to near perfection. She looked like someone who had been doing this for years and came off like a star who is in this for the long haul. Absolutely incredible here and as entertaining as it could have been. I had a blast, Stephanie issues aside. The ending was fine and the most important part, so we’ll call this a major success.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

The Usos are defending, the New Day has 3D pancakes and, with the call of the DragonZord, Woods’ trombone summons an army of little people dressed like pancakes. I do like the Bludgeon Brothers’ logo with the arms holding hammers to make a B. Kofi wastes no time hitting Trouble in Paradise on Jimmy but Harper makes the save. The Brothers pulls Big E. to the floor for a beating and then powerbomb Woods into the post for good measure.

Back in and Kofi’s beating continues but Jimmy tags himself in and starts kicking away. Some superkicks do a little good but Harper shoves Jimmy into the corner. Jey tags himself in as well (must be a family thing) and starts kicking away, only to have Rowan break up the double Us.

A superkick takes Rowan off the apron…but he catches the double suicide dive. The Usos don’t mind and suplex him down on the floor, leaving Harper to escape the Midnight Hour. Back in and Rowan breaks up the Tower of Doom by shoving the champs to the floor. For some reason Kofi charges at Harper on the top, setting up an assisted super sitout powerbomb to give Harper and Rowan the titles at 5:55.

Rating: D+. This feels like a victim of time but it’s not the worst thing in the world. They went out of their way to make the Brothers look like killers and that’s exactly what happened here. I could have gone for a little more time given to the match, but something has to be cut on a show this long and this was one of the most logical choices. The Brothers won though and that’s what matters the most.

Here’s John Cena for a match, though no opponent has been named yet. A second referee runs down though and tells Cena something is wrong. Cena grabs the referee as he’s shaking his head no. This goes on for a bit….and there go the lights….because Elias is here. Elias: “Were you expecting somebody else?”

Well that someone doesn’t have the charisma Elias has, nor does he have the talent that Elias carries in his soul. Cena bails back to his seat in disgust and leaves Elias alone to sing his song, insulting the fans as he always does. As you might guess, Cena gets up and cleans house by initiating his finishing sequence.

Cena shouts about that being all there is and goes up the ramp…as the lights go out. A spotlight comes on in the ring and Undertaker’s coat and hat are on the mat. Some VERY bad looking CGI lightning hits the gear (looked far better in person, possibly due to the surprise) and panic has set in. And then, a gong strikes. Undertaker appears with his full entrance, meaning it’s time to go! I know I didn’t want to see the match but that entrance, all 6:02 of it from the gong striking to the opening bell, will never stop being mesmerizing.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Undertaker goes straight at him in the corner and hammers away, including the running clothesline. Old School sets up Snake Eyes and the WORST BIG BOOT EVER. When you’re sitting hundreds of feet away from the ring and can see the gap between the boot and the hands in front of Cena’s face, it’s a really bad sign. But remember, HE STILL HAS IT. The chokeslam is countered into a belly to back suplex but Undertaker sits up before the Shuffle, sending Cena falling off his feet in shock. The chokeslam and Tombstone end Cena completely clean at 2:42. Undertaker doesn’t even seem to be sweating.

So….that happened. I definitely like it better than seeing Undertaker stumble through a long match and it certainly should be memorable. Of course it’s not likely to mean anything until next Wrestlemania season, but this is the perfect payoff: Cena has been acting like a complete and utter jerk this whole time and Undertaker threw him the most decisive beating of his career. Even the Lesnar squash saw Cena get in a little offense and a near fall. Here it was a single suplex and that was it. I’m fine with Undertaker going out like this, but at this point I have no reason to believe it’s over.

Hall of Fame video. Hillbilly Jim should be done any minute now.

Here’s the big presentation to the crowd.

Jeff Jarrett. Nice reaction and the strut still looks good.

Mark Henry. No salmon jacket, no buys.

Hillbilly Jim. My hero as a young Kentucky boy.

Ivory. She’s looking better now than she did when she was active.

Jarius JJ Robertson. Did you know he’s cute? Wasn’t sure if that was made clear.

Dudley Boyz. Yep. Next.

Goldberg. I’m hoping those chants aren’t piped in. He does a Green Lantern pose with the ring to wrap things up.

We recap Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn. Owens and Zayn have been going after the two of them for months now and it wasn’t clear where things were going. Then Bryan was cleared to wrestle again and everything came together at once. The evil Canadians have been attacking both of them, including giving Shane a hernia. They’ve been fired, but Bryan wants one more match with their jobs on the line. The question here is whether or not Shane turns on Bryan, which could go either way.

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Shane is in a YES jersey, with the YES being pretty clearly taped on. That sounds like a way for a quick switch to YUP (Owens and Sami’s battle cry) for me. Bryan gets his own entrance, with a Terminator style video, showing the YES chant spreading around the world, even in mainstream sports, before locking in on the home of the YES Movement, which happens to be right here in the Superdome. You can see the emotion on Bryan’s face as he comes to the ring and it’s nearly moving to see.

Owens and Zayn’s music hit but they come in from behind for the big beatdown, including an apron bomb to Bryan. That might be enough for him as the medics come in to check. Even the fans don’t seem to buy this one, as they probably shouldn’t. Shane is willing to fight on his own and YES, we get the lame punches on Owens in the corner. The jumping elbow to the jaw puts Owens down but Shane has to beat up Zayn as well.

Now of course he can do that at the same time, including a jumping kick to Owens and a Maivia Hurricane to Sami. The old hernia pops up though and brings Shane down as we have a stretcher for Bryan. We settle down to Sami taking over on Shane before it’s off to Owens (thankfully in a KO Mania III shirt) to step on the stomach. Owens: “MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY! MONEY ISN’T GOING TO SAVE YOU NOW!”

A superkick sets up the Blue Thunder Bomb for two but Owens gets knocked to the floor. The Helluva Kick misses and Sami gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Of course Shane is fine enough to hit the Coast to Coast but Owens makes the save with a backsplash onto the bad stomach. The frog splash gets two but Bryan comes back in for the save. That’s not enough for a hot tag so Sami gets out of a chinlock by slamming Sami into the mat.

NOW it’s off to Bryan for the first time in nearly three years. He takes his time coming in (as he should) before hammering away on Zayn. There’s the moonsault into the running clothesline, followed by a running knee off the apron to Owens. A missile dropkick puts Bryan down but he grabs his head….and nips up because he’s fine. That was a scary but great moment. The running corner dropkicks rock Owens and Zayn and a top rope hurricanrana drops Sami. Kevin breaks up the knee though and the Helluva Kick is only good for two. My goodness finishers mean nothing on Wrestlemania night.

Owens tells him to stay retired and gets two more off the Pop Up Powerbomb. Since we haven’t seen him in long enough, Shane takes Owens down and we’re back to even again. Back in and Sami hammers away while asking how Bryan could do this to them. That’s enough for Bryan and he unloads with the strikes and YES Kicks, even hitting the big one. The running knee into the YES Lock is good for the submission at 15:25 to keep Owens and Zayn fired.

Rating: C+. This was of course ALL about Bryan, to the point where even Shane’s usual superhero efforts seem to pale in comparison. They didn’t go with the stupid swerve finish for the sake of the storyline because this needed to be Bryan’s night. To go from having no chance to wrestling in a huge Wrestlemania match is more than you could ever ask for and he doesn’t look like he’s lost a step. If he’s back full time, WWE just got one heck of a bonus. Not a great match, but the ending was what it should have been.

Bryan and Shane celebrate with Bryan going to the floor to kiss Brie in a nice moment.

Attendance announcement.

We recap Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax. Bliss had been her friend for a long time but was eventually caught making fun of Nia’s size and weight. This didn’t sit well with Jax and it was time to SMASH. And take the title. Bliss is suddenly ultra confident despite being a foot shorter and about 160lbs lighter.

Raw Women’s Title: Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

Bliss is challenging and comes down from the set on a mini platform. So that’s what happened to Bad News Barrett’s stage. Hang on a second though as Nia needs to destroy Mickie James before the bell, meaning this is truly one on one. Bliss slaps Nia due to high levels of stupid and Jax’s growl gives us a horror movie level scream in response. Makes sense actually.

There’s a gorilla press to plant Bliss as the dominance isn’t taking time tonight. That’s not the beginning of the end for some reason as Bliss starts in on the knee to take over, including a double knee to the knee in the corner. A guillotine choke is shrugged off but Nia goes shoulder first into the post (WAY too common of a spot tonight). Twisted Bliss to the floor drops Nia and the DDT gets two, shocking/scaring the heck out of Bliss all over again.

For some reason Bliss calls Nia pathetic and slaps her a few times….until Nia grabs her by the throat. A charge into the corner is cut off by another kick to the knee but Bliss’ sunset flip is tossed into the corner. Bliss is right back with a poke to the eye but Nia is right back with one of the hardest Alabama Slams you’ll ever see. Since Bliss is mostly dead, it’s a super Samoan drop to put her away for good and make Nia champion at 9:01.

Rating: D+. I was firmly in the camp of this needing to be about a minute long with Bliss getting in nothing beyond a few harmless forearms and I’m still of that state of mind. Bliss didn’t look like a joke here but there’s a time to squash the heck out of someone and that’s what we had here. Jax is a monster and should have destroyed Bliss in short order. Bliss is going to be fine with one more of those cocky promos and it really would have been better to have her get crushed here. The ending did look great though and the right person won, but it’s the wrong path to get here.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. AJ Styles is the ace of the show and has beaten everyone put in front of him. Shinsuke Nakamura won the Royal Rumble to earn this shot and we have a dream match. Both guys have promised to win and hopefully they don’t collapse under the expectations. The hype video goes throughout AJ’s career, including clips of him on Thunder and from TNA (!) because WWE can just do something like that.

Smackdown World Title: Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

Nakamura is challenging and gets played to the ring by an army of violinists plus Alice Cooper guitarist Nita Strauss playing the heck out of a guitar. That’s one of the better Wrestlemania entrances I’ve ever seen with Strauss’ playing stealing the show. AJ’s graphic lists him as the Universal Champion. If nothing else he gets a cool looking spinning ring of blue light around him once he gets inside for a cool visual.

Feeling out process to start as the announcers talk about the Japanese match without talking about the Japanese match. AJ drives him into the corner but gets shoved away as they’re still in low first gear. They hit the mat with Nakamura kicking him in the face before doing his head on the chest arm waving deal. A knee drop keeps AJ in trouble but he breaks up Good Vibrations to offer some mind games of his own.

Back to the corner we go with a hard forearm rocking Styles but he grabs a backbreaker for his first major offense. A knee drop gets two on Nakamura and it’s off to the chinlock. The drop down into a dropkick sends Nakamura outside but he kicks the leg out from the apron. A kick to the head really puts Styles in trouble and a middle rope kick to the face makes it even worse. Nakamura tells him to come on but kicks AJ down. Well dude if you want him to COME ON you have to give him the chance to pull it off.

The running knee in the corner rocks AJ but he’s right back with a pumphandle gutbuster for two. It’s Nakamura’s turn to come back in a hurry though and a Landslide (Samoan Driver) gets another near fall. Some right hands in the corner have AJ rocked but he kicks the knee out to take Nakamura down. There’s the Calf Crusher but Nakamura reverses into a triangle choke (another very popular move this weekend).

That’s broken up with something close to a Death Valley Driver and they’re both down again. Nakamura gets in the kick, only to come up holding the damaged leg. There’s some logic to Styles’ plan at least. The running knee hits the buckle and the Phenomenal Forearm gets two.

AJ needs to bring out the mega guns and tries the springboard 450, which hits the bad knee and gives Nakamura two off a small package. They slug it out until AJ Peles him down, only to get kneed in the back of the head. Nakamura has had it and drives knees into the head before slapping AJ a few times. The Kinshasa is loaded up but AJ rolls through, straight into the Styles Clash to retain at 20:20.

Rating: B. Yeah they didn’t really come close to the expectations here and I can’t say I’m surprised. They didn’t have much going on in the way of telling a story other than both guys hitting their big moves and countering a few of the other’s. There’s no reason to hate either of them and that makes for a dull match if you don’t build to a big finish. It’s certainly good but it never hit that next level that people were expecting. Oh and both Royal Rumble winners lose in their title shots. What a great use of the pay per view.

Post match Nakamura presents AJ with the title….and hits him low (with some Ric Flair level force) to turn heel. Nakamura mocks the fallen champion and kicks him to the floor for Kinshasa. For some reason he flashes a Diamond Cutter sign as he goes up the ramp. Maybe he’s a DDP Yoga user?

Now this was good, but why not do this BEFORE NAKAMURA LOST CLEAN? Do it at the worthless Fastlane or on any show before this match. Give them something more personal to fight over, because what we got for a story here was lacking a bit. I don’t get why WWE thinks this has as much of an impact after a loss, because it really doesn’t work. If nothing else have Nakamura hit him low to steal the title after Kinshasa didn’t get the job done. Just something other than this.

Kickoff Show recap.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman/???

Strowman won the shot by winning a tag team battle royal on his own and his partner has been quite the topic of debate coming into this show. The Bar comes out on a Mardi Gras float to the tune of When the Saints Go Marching In before switching to their usual entrance. I was worried I was a bit too tired and imagined all the costumed people on the float but not so much apparently.

Strowman comes out and turns the float over off the stage but has no partner. He knows everyone wants to know who it is, but he wanted to wait until he got to New Orleans. That’s because his partner….is a member of the WWE Universe. Strowman looks around forever and finally sees someone in the crowd. He goes into the crowd (this is taking WAY too long) and finds….a ten year old boy. The boy, named Nicholas, is introduced as Strowman’s partner as Graves is losing his mind.

Nicholas is terrified (completely understandable) as Braun starts (good idea) with Sheamus. Graves isn’t sure about this as Nicholas probably has algebra tomorrow. Fans: “WE WANT NICHOLAS!” A chokeslam gets two on Cesaro but Braun gets double suplexes. With Sheamus talking trash to Nicholas, he drops a top rope knee for two. On Braun, not the kid.

Braun crossbodies both of them down and Sheamus gets backdropped over the corner for a NASTY fall, hitting both the post and the steps on the way down. That’s enough for the tag to Nicholas….who tags straight out again. The powerslam on Cesaro is good for the pin and the titles at 3:57.

Rating: F. I laughed when it happened but the more I think about this, the worse and worse it looks. If you want to do this over a comedy team or something then fine, but after everything Cesaro and Sheamus have done over the last few years, this is the best they can get? Having Brains Strowman come out there would have been a better move as this comes off as a stupid idea where they just refused to pick something and went with the first stupid idea that came to their heads. Put Hawkins out there if this is the best thing you can come up with. I didn’t like this idea as it makes it into a total joke, which shouldn’t be the case.

Wrestlemania XXXV is in New York. Well New Jersey but whatever. I’m good on that one.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns. Lesnar won the Universal Title at last year’s show and Reigns won the Elimination Chamber after doing nothing main event level for months. Reigns went on to call Lesnar out for not being here all the time and just doing what’s best for himself, which earned Reigns a series of beatings. But hey, this time for sure, right?

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is challenging and nope, the plan didn’t work. As you might expect, the fans boo him out of the building all over again because THIS ISN’T WORKING. After the Big Match Intros, Lesnar hits three German suplexes in the first thirty seconds. Reigns is right back up with two Superman Punches and a running clothesline to put Lesnar on the floor. Brock grabs a belly to belly on the outside, followed by a second one with Reigns almost landing on his head.

The fans chant for CM Punk as Brock loads up the announcers’ table. Another belly to belly sends Reigns face first into the table (no elevation at all) and Brock hits another German suplex back inside. A seventh suplex (with a fan providing helpful signs) is almost completely flat as we’re just waiting on the beach balls now.

There’s another belly to belly, during which time the fans started doing the Wave. A fan in my section started shouting about how the fans should just leave if they’re that bored because they’re ruining it for the rest of the fans. He was promptly given a DELETE chant because wrestling fans are rather horrible people at times. It’s time for another table as the fans want Johnny Gargano.

Reigns posts him on the floor as the fans aren’t reacting in the slightest. A spear sends Lesnar over the table (still no reaction) as the Wave is in full swing. The fans loudly boo….because a beach ball is taken away. Reigns gets two off a Superman Punch and two spears and it’s beach ball time again. Brock blocks a spear with a knee for two, followed by the F5 for the same. The fans still aren’t interested, because this just isn’t anything they care about.

F5, two, F5, two (Brock: “MOTHERF*****!”), the fans chant BORING (actually acknowledging the match for a change, F5 through a table (to NO reaction), F5, two. That’s enough for Lesnar as he takes the gloves off and just unloads with the hard right hands as the fans declare this awful. Reigns is GUSHING blood but hits two spears for a near fall. Not that it matters as a sixth F5 retains the title at 15:49, shocking the heck out of the crowd.

Rating: D. Here’s the thing: the match itself is a hard hitting video game match and had some entertaining spots. If you watch it in a complete vacuum, it’s actually good. The problem is, at least in this case, you can’t just ignore everything else and watch the match on its own. This was a complete and utter rejection of everything going on and you can’t ignore it. I’m not sure how much more needs to be done to make it clear that Reigns isn’t working but this might be it. Either that or we try to do this again NEXT year, just because that’s what WWE is obsessed with doing.

I have no idea where they go from here as Lesnar might not be around much longer and other than Reigns, there’s no one that could conceivably take the title from him. Reigns winning here was the logical call, but I can see why they pulled the plug. If it’s that bad though and the fans have rejected him this many times in a row, it’s time to admit defeat and move on. Hopefully that’s what the loss means, but stranger things have happened, just with Roman alone actually.

After a long highlight package, as in about seven minutes long, a cleaned up Reigns walks up the ramp to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. You know, there’s a pattern to these mega long shows. For the last three years, they’ve all started off white hot for about two hours but then they hit a road block and go sailing off a cliff. In Dallas it was the Cell, in Orlando it was the mixed tag and here it was pretty much everything after Rousey’s match (Bryan and Styles’ matches ranged from good to acceptable).

Maybe it’s having Reigns as the big finish or maybe it’s just the length of the shows, but they simply can’t maintain the momentum they set up at the start of these shows. It’s like they just run out of ideas and throw whatever nonsense they have on the screen, which may or may not work. I can get that with a small writing staff, but with THIRTY WRITERS put together into two groups, there’s never an excuse to run out of ideas this quickly.

Overall, the show is more good than bad, thanks to the first two matches, the mixed tag, Bryan and AJ, but they really needed to shed….oh a good two hours to get this down to manageable. Notice that I keep saying that year after year. Seven hours is just not something that anyone can pull off because eventually your buzz goes away. It’s happened to me three years in a row and I can’t imagine I’m in the minority. Just give us a break at some point because not everyone needs to be on the show. If you’re only good enough to be thrown into the battle royal, odds are you don’t belong on the card.

Really, the mixed tag main eventing would have made more sense (like you would EVER have to ask Stephanie if she wanted to main event Wrestlemania). If they were going to pull the plug on Reigns winning the title here, go with the feel good, fun match and let Rousey look like the big star. It would make more sense but Reigns seemed to be set in stone for that spot, pretty obvious reaction aside.

All in all, Wrestlemania XXXIV is a good show that needs a MAJOR edit to make it work. Switch the lineup around, shorten some matches, cut some matches (in other words, GET THE TIME LOWER) and you might have something great on your hands. As it is though, it falls into the same category as the other two mega long shows: a hot start, but they run out of gas because there’s a limit to how much wrestling any large group of fans can take.

Results

Seth Rollins b. The Miz and Finn Balor – Stomp to Miz

Charlotte b. Asuka – Figure Eight

Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton, Bobby Roode and Rusev – Khallas to Rusev

Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle b. HHH/Stephanie McMahon – Armbar to McMahon

Bludgeon Brothers b. New Day and Usos – Double sitout superbomb to Kingston

Undertaker b. John Cena – Tombstone

Shane McMahon/Daniel Bryan b. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – YES Lock to Zayn

Nia Jax b. Alexa Bliss – Super Samoan drop

AJ Styles b. Shinsuke Nakamura – Styles Clash

Braun Strowman/Nicholas b. The Bar – Powerslam to Cesaro

Brock Lesnar b. Roman Reigns – F5

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Main Event
Date: April 8, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Kevin Patrick, Byron Saxton

It’s the go home show for Wrestlemania so it’s time for the really important recap videos. I don’t expect anything new in the way of wrestling but there is no reason to think otherwise around here. This kind of show is about as perfect as you can get for Wrestlemania week, but they still need to do it right. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Mansoor vs. Drew Gulak

They go technical to start with Mansoor grabbing a headlock and hitting a hard shoulder. Gulak pops back up and that means it’s an early standoff. Mansoor works on a wristlock and Gulak can’t even slam his way to freedom, instead being pulled into an armbar. Gulak switches into a short armscissors, sending Mansoor over to the rope. The arm cranking continues with Mansoor doing his best to spin out into a front facelock. A sunset flip gives Mansoor two but it’s too early for the slingshot neckbreaker. Gulak headlocks him down but Mansoor spins him around into a cradle for the pin at 5:17.

Rating: C. This was a technical exchange for the most part and I’m not sure what else you were going to expect. Mansoor is growing on me more and more every time I see him and this was another good showcase. Granted it helps being in there with Gulak, who can make anyone look solid. Now do something with Mansoor already.

Back at Fastlane, Edge cost Daniel Bryan the Universal Title, though not before Bryan made Roman Reigns tap. This set up the triple threat match for the title at Wrestlemania.

From Smackdown.

Daniel Bryan vs. Jey Uso

Street fight with Edge on commentary. It’s a brawl to start with Bryan knocking him out to the floor. Uso grabs a chair and the suicide dive is cut off by a shot to the head. The chair is wrapped around Bryan’s leg but he avoids a splash Pillmanization. Bryan cracks him over the back with the chair but here are Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman to watch from the stage as we take a break.

Back with Bryan in trouble and Edge looking very pleased as Jey sends him into a chair wedged in the corner. A chain shot sets up the Superfly Splash for two, followed by a hard whip into the steps. Bryan manages a suplex from the steps to the floor and the chair crushes Uso this time. Back in and Bryan hits a missile dropkick to set up the YES Kicks. The YES Lock makes Uso tap at 13:06.

Rating: C+. Good brawl, but these two have fought each other so many times now that it is almost impossible to get excited about it again. Bryan was more aggressive here though and that is the idea they were trying to get over, so they certainly accomplished the goal. Uso’s main event run seems to be over, but he’s fine as the gatekeeper for Reigns.

Post match Bryan hits the running knee on Edge and sends him into the post for a bonus. Bryan goes up the ramp, ducks Reigns’ chair toss, and hits a running knee on him as well. The YES Lock goes on until referees break it up, leaving Bryan to pose to end the show.

We look at Miz and John Morrison painting Bad Bunny’s $3 car.

From Raw.

Here are Damien Priest and Bad Bunny to address what Miz and Morrison did earlier. Priest says it’s easy to jump Bunny 2-1 so let’s make this a tag match at Wrestlemania. Bunny talks about how he has been a huge fan for a long time and watched wrestling with his dad. He is only here to do his job and perform his song about Booker T., but now he has to deal with these two.

After switching to Spanish for a bit, Bunny says he doesn’t respect Miz anymore and at Wrestlemania it is time to give him a whipping. Miz and Morrison pop up on screen to mockingly applaud everything Bunny and Priest said. The tag match is on and they ride off.

We run down the Wrestlemania card.

Angel Garza/Akira Tozawa vs. Lucha House Party

Garza and Metalik trade dives to start until Metalik nails a superkick. We take a break and come back with Garza kicking Metalik out of the air. It’s time to crank on the leg a bit, followed by some strikes from Tozawa. Garza adds a running knee in the corner and it’s time to work on the arm a bit.

Metalik gets in an enziguri but gets crotched on top. That doesn’t seem to matter as he snaps off a super hurricanrana and the hot tag brings in Dorado to pick up the pace. A high crossbody gets two on Tozawa with Garza making the save. Garza slides to the floor and Metalik is right there with the Asai moonsault (that was great timing). Back in and Dorado hits the shooting star press to finish Tozawa at 9:49.

Rating: C. This was fine for what it was, meaning a short match which didn’t have the chance to go anywhere. What matters is they flew through everything because you don’t want to bother wasting time with something like this. Normally it would be the kind of a match to pop a crowd, which is why you have these things before Raw. You know, when there are fans there.

Long video on Randy Orton vs. the Fiend, setting up their Wrestlemania match.

From Raw.

Here is Drew McIntyre for an opening chat. We see a clip of King Corbin and Bobby Lashley taking him out last week and, after the fire goes off, McIntyre talks about how we have five days until Wrestlemania. Things have changed so much in the last year and now McIntyre is ready for he and Lashley to tear each other to shreds.

Drew talks about how much he wanted to be WWE Champion, even when his mother was getting leukemia treatment. He wanted to go home so badly but his mom threatened to beat him up herself if he gave up. It took his this many years to get to the top of the mountain….and here are Lashley and MVP to cut him off.

Lashley says it took Drew sixteen years to get to the top but it took Lashley seventeen so he knows the feeling. Now he is on top of the mountain and everyone wants to take his title. Last week he felt Drew quiver and shake in the Hurt Lock, which Drew agrees is no joke. Drew is ready to fight right now but MVP says they’re waiting for Saturday. MVP promises Drew loses so Drew says maybe he can go be an Amazon driver instead. Or he can say screw that and come win the title back at Wrestlemania. King Corbin comes out to promise to beat up Drew tonight.

From Raw.

Drew McIntyre vs. King Corbin

Before the match, Bobby Lashley promises to put McIntyre to sleep at Wrestlemania. MVP is on commentary as they shove each other around to start. Drew grinds away on a headlock for a bit before running Corbin over for two. Corbin manages the slide underneath the corner into a clothesline for two of his own, followed by a hard whip into the corner to drop McIntyre again. A belly to back slam gives Corbin two more and they head outside.

This time Corbin is whipped into the steps though and McIntyre smiles as we take a break. Back with McIntyre getting two off of a bridging northern lights suplex and then hammering away. Corbin sends him to the apron and then into the post though, which has MVP rather pleased. Back in and Corbin gets two of his own off a suplex of his own before crucifixing the arms and elbowing McIntyre in the head.

Corbin cuts off a comeback attempt with a chokeslam for two. Another under the ropes clothesline is cut off with a spinebuster for a jackknife cover into a near fall. McIntyre grabs the Futureshock for two because THIS MATCH NEEDS TO KEEP GOING. Corbin catches him on top and gets two more off a superplex, followed by Deep Six for the same. That’s enough for MVP, who says that this is about taking out McIntyre, meaning it’s time to send in the cane. Of course it takes too long and McIntyre hits a (very leg slappy) Claymore for the pin at 18:00.

Rating: C+. Well thank goodness they split up the Hurt Business because otherwise we could have had McIntyre fighting the two of them here instead of Corbin vs. McIntyre for the better part of twenty minutes. Gotta get that Corbin in there though, as he doesn’t have anything to do at Wrestlemania and it wouldn’t be right to not have him do the same power moves that he has done since he debuted. Throw in the “oh dang we need to wrap this up” finish and this was entertaining, but really frustrating at the same time.

Lashley comes out for the big showdown to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was all it needed to be, with a focus on the big things coming at Wrestlemania. The big draw of the show is going to be the main event matches so why bother going with anything else? As usual, there was nothing here in the way of original wrestling, as you would have had no idea it was the go home show for Wrestlemania. The other stuff was more important though, and that is what we got here, as we should have.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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