Today, with Santa on the way, we’re going to look at the greatest thing ever: WRESTLING REFEREES!

We have a trio to look at today, starting with Earl Hebner. First up is a match that became a long term running joke. From Smackdown on May 4, 2000.

WWF World Title: The Rock/Earl Hebner vs. HHH/Road Dogg/X-Pac

Rock is defending and only HHH can take it from him. HHH’s left arm is in a sling but the three McMahons and the Stooges are in the challengers’ corner. Rock and Road Dogg start things off with the champion hammering away and nailing Dogg with a clothesline. Even a triple team doesn’t work on him as he tilt-a-whirl slams X-Pac for two, only to have HHH nail him from behind. It’s amazing how much energy there is in this match as the fans are clearly WAY into it.

HHH comes in with some heavy right hands but Rock sends him into the corner and snaps off punches of his own to get the fans back into it. Hebner gets in a shot of his own as Rock wisely starts going after HHH’s bad arm. The champ makes the mistake of going after Dogg and X-Pac but walks into a neckbreaker from HHH.

We get to Rock’s heat segment with Hebner trying to come in to help, only allowing Vince and Shane to get in some choking. The Dogg comes in and hits a shaky knee drop for two, followed by a spinwheel kick from X-Pac. Now it’s time to go after Hebner but Rock pops up with more right hands. Cue Jericho to jump HHH and distract the McMahons so Hebner can hit X-Pac low, allowing the Rock Bottom to retain the title.

Rating: C+. Now this is an interesting specimen. Coming straight off of Backlash where Rock got the title back in a huge moment, it was fairly clear that the title wasn’t changing here. However, they gave you enough of a reasonable doubt that it could happen and the fans in the arena bought into it. That’s the key difference between today and back then: the fans accepted it because it COULD happen.

Look at modern WWE. You rarely see a title change unless it’s a major, built up match with Big Match Intros on TV or at a pay per view. That is assuming that the title is ever defended on TV (or at all with Lesnar on top) in the first place of course. Here though the title is on the line, there’s the slightest hope of a title change, and the fans bought it. Also, how many times do you see a referee defending a title? It’s a unique idea and something different which lets you save HHH vs. Rock for a major showdown on pay per view. See how a little creativity can help things so much?

Hebner would defend the WWF’s honor against his WCW counterpart at InVasion.

Earl Hebner vs. Nick Patrick

Of all people, Mick Foley is the referee here. Yeah I don’t get it either but whatever. He’s wearing a Marvel t-shirt so I can’t complain at all. Nick comes out with an army of referees which is just funny looking. Earl does the same. It looks like the world’s weakest gang. Oh and they’re in refereeing gear.

Take a wild guess as to the quality of the work here. Do I need to offer commentary on this one? It’s a glorified lumberjack match. Foley throws out the WCW referees. Earl hits something resembling a spear for the win. Patrick gets in Foley’s face and guess what happens. I think you know the drill.

Rating: N/A. I’m not grading two non-wrestlers like I would grade regular wrestlers. The match was the disaster you would expect and more of a novelty than anything else. Having Foley in there was the only thing they could have done, but it really didn’t do enough to save the thing.

One last Hebner match from Impact, December 5, 2013.

Ethan Carter III vs. Earl Hebner

Ethan takes his time and puts a finger on Earl’s chest for the pin at 48 seconds.

We’ll move on to something a bit more competitive(ish) with Nick Patrick, the top WCW referee post Tommy Young. Patrick was incredibly crooked a lot of the time and would regularly have to fight wrestlers he screwed over. We’ll start things off at World War 3 1996 with Patrick as the NWO referee.

Chris Jericho vs. Nick Patrick

Patrick has been an evil referee that has screwed Jericho over a few times and this is revenge time. Jericho has Teddy Long as his manager which didn’t last long. He also has to have one arm behind his back. We hear about Nick Patrick’s wrestling career which also didn’t last long. It’s the left arm here so this should be dominance. Patrick cuts a short promo and we find out why he’s a referee.

Patrick is in a sleeveless shirt and is in the NWO here. He also has a neckbrace. With one arm, Patrick wants a test of strength. That whole wrestling background falls apart pretty quickly here as it’s all Jericho who puts on a clinic with one arm. It’s all Jericho as we go to the floor. Jericho misses a clothesline into the post though and Patrick takes over for a bit. Since his offense does nothing though, we’re kind of just wasting time here. Jericho channels his inner Shawn Michaels for a superkick to end it. This was the first pinfall loss for the NWO on PPV, four months after they debuted.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring but they came up with some fairly creative spots to let Patrick get some offense in. This was just kind of pointless though as there was no challenge at all for Jericho and it just kind of fell flat. It could have been FAR worse though as at Patrick was actually a former wrestler (a knee injury ended his career) so he actually had an idea of what he was doing.

Now we’ll get a double shot at evil Nick Patrick faces good referee Randy Anderson for Anderson’s job. Bischoff had fired Anderson, who was suffering from cancer at the time, and this is his chance to come back. From Nitro, February 17, 1997.

Nick Patrick vs. Randy Anderson

If Anderson wins, he gets his job back. Patrick trained to be a wrestler but blew out his knee so he became a referee instead, meaning he actually has an idea of what he’s doing. Apparently Anderson has an amateur background. He even gets fire as he comes to the ring. The regular referee checks for weapons and hands Anderson a foreign object. On camera of course so you know it’s going to be called out later. Randy hits him and wins in about 30 seconds.

Now that the lame ones are over, we’ll look at someone……well he’s still lame but not quite so much. Our final entry is the real evil referee Danny Davis, who cost the British Bulldogs and Tito Santana (less so in his case) titles back in the mid to late 80s and joined Jimmy Hart’s stable as a result. Davis would regularly wrestle for over a year so I have some material to work with here. We’ll start with Wrestlemania III, where the ripped off former champions getting their revenge.

Hart Foundation/Danny Davis vs. British Bulldogs/Tito Santana

Davis is a crooked referee that cost both the Bulldogs and Santana their titles. Apparently this is Davis’ debut as a wrestler. Mary Hart (no relation) is on commentary along with Uecker here as well. Tito beats up Danny before the match before we get going with Bret and Santana. Jesse steals the Bulldogs’ mascot Matilda as he leaves. Off to Davey vs. Anvil and Smith pulls him by the beard. That’s a bit rough even for Neidhart.

Tito comes back in to work on the arm but gets sent to the heel corner for some high quality choking. That goes nowhere so here’s Smith vs. Neidhart again. Jim takes him down with a suplex but Bret misses a middle rope elbow. Dynamite comes in for the chest to buckle bump from Bret but Hart comes back with some punches. Tito tries to break up some interference but only allows even more cheating by Neidhart.

Jim hooks a modified camel clutch on Dynamite before it’s back to Bret. I don’t think we’ve seen Davis in yet but before I can finish that sentence he’s in for a few stomps. That’s the extent of his offense as it’s already back to Bret for some actual skill. The sun is starting to go down so the arena looks dark now. Back to Danny for one kick before it’s time for the Hitman again.

The Harts slingshot Davis right onto Dynamite’s knees and it’s off to Santana for the beating on Davis that the fans have been waiting for. Tito destroys Danny and hits the forearm but Neidhart breaks up the Figure Four. Off to Smith who rams Davis’ head into Dynamite’s. A jumping tombstone (not yet named) kills Davis even more but Smith doesn’t want the cover. There’s the delayed vertical followed by the powerslam but everything breaks down. Davis pops up and hits Smith with the megaphone for the pin in the melee.

Rating: C-. As fun as the beating Davis took was, the ending is really stupid as he popped up like nothing and was able to knock out a power guy with a single shot? The guy was a referee a few months ago but he’s able to do that with one shot? Bad ending aside, this was fun stuff and the fans were WAY into it.

Davis would be in the first Survivor Series match ever in 1987, but had this warmup match two days earlier in Madison Square Garden on November 24.

Jake Roberts vs. Danny Davis

Davis is a former referee that is just now getting good enough to be a jobber. There’s no Jimmy Hart here for some reason. Davis stalls like a Memphis man which he isn’t. They have to do this because there’s no one in the arena that thinks Jake will have any issues once he gets his hands on Danny. The fans however don’t like the idea of wasting two minutes on hiding in the ropes though so they’re not very pleased.

They lock up but Jake won’t punch him for some reason. More locking up and more stalling. Danny won’t do a test of strength as we’re about three and a half minutes into this and the high point has been a tie up. Jake gets a knuckle lock (half a test of strength) and tortures Danny with it for a bit. One arm slam by Jake as we’re just killing time here. More stalling, this time on the floor. Danny gets in his jobber offense for a minute or so until Jake gets bored and DDTs the heck out of him to end it.

Rating: F. This got 8 minutes. Do I need to explain why this was boring as all goodness. Well yeah I probably should, as the match explains the problem with Davis in general: he could draw incredible heat for cheating to win a lot of his matches, but when he had to have a match with some length, there’s only so much he can do. Unfortunately that was passed about two minutes in and Davis could only hide in the ropes and stall for so long. If he could have wrestled even at a passing level, he could have been far more effective.

Here’s the Survivor Series match.

Team Honky Tonk Man vs. Team Randy Savage

Honky Tonk Man, Harley Race, Ron Bass, Danny Davis, Hercules

Randy Savage, Jim Duggan, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts, Brutus Beefcake

Honky doesn’t have Cool Cocky bad as his theme music yet which is a shame. It’s amazing how great the music got in the late 80s. After the heel entrances, Team Savage says they’re here to settle scores. This was a different time as almost all of the faces were friends by default as were the heels just because they were faces and heels. The feuds going into this are Honky vs. Savage and Race vs. Duggan. Other than that the guys are just random midcarders who are faces or heels on a team, which is a pretty cool idea.

The place erupts for Savage’s entrance. Even Jesse couldn’t deny how great Randy was and was a huge fan in his own right. It was clear they had to do something with him soon, and they certainly did soon enough. In the answer to a trivia question, it’s Beefcake vs. Hercules starting the first Survivor Series match ever. Beefcake struts a bit and not much goes on for the first 20 seconds or so.

Hercules (guess what he’s known for) runs Beefcake over but walks into Barber’s sleeper but he falls into his corner to tag in Davis, one of the lowest lever guys you’ll ever find who somehow wasn’t a jobber. He’s a wrestling referee. Seriously, that’s the extent of his gimmick. He’s a referee who cheated a lot and got fired. Savage and Steamboat (who are apparently fine after wanting to kill each other about eight months ago) take turns on Davis but Steamboat misses a charge and it’s off to Race, the current King of the WWF.

Steamboat chops Race in the head and man alive how amazing would those two be able to be in a long old school program? Steamboat skins the cat (I’ve asked this many times, but is that really the best name they could come up with for that? I mean, skinning a cat?) and sends Race to the floor before bringing in Duggan to pound away on Race, knocking him to the floor. Hacksaw heads out with him and they brawl to a double countout, making it 4-4.

Bass (a standard old school cowboy) comes in to face Roberts but it’s quickly off to Savage. A knee sends Bass into the corner and Savage is starting to roll very fast. Savage immediately goes after Honky due to the really bad blood between the two of them and it’s lets Bass get in a shot. Off to the IC Champion (Honky) who gets in some cheap shots but like any good heel, he tags out when Savage starts coming back.

Bass comes in again but a blind tag brings in Barber (Beefcake for you younguns) who hits a high knee for the elimination. Hercules comes in and the bad guys start working over Beefcake’s arm. Off to Honky with an armbar and then right back to Herc. Wisely they’re keeping that schmuck Danny Davis out of there. I guess he’s there because he works for Jimmy Hart but other than that there’s no logical reason for him to be there.

Beefcake tries to punch his way out of trouble but Honky stays on the arm. To say Honky wasn’t much on offense is an understatement as he barely looks to be cranking on the hold at all. Beefcake fights out of the hold but won’t tag because he’s kind of dumb. Davis adds the only thing he’s going to add the whole match and knees Beefcake in the back so that Honky can hit the Shake Rattle and Roll (swinging neckbreaker) for the pin on Beefcake to tie us up at three.

Off to Savage vs. Hercules with the power guy taking over. Davis comes in and things suddenly go downhill for Honky’s team. Yeah, a referee beating on Randy Savage doesn’t work. Who would have guessed? Honky comes in and gets elbowed in the head which lets Savage tag in Jake to pound away. The comeback doesn’t last long though as Jake charges into a boot in the corner and it’s off to Herc. That goes nowhere so here’s Davis and since his offense sucks (BECAUSE HE’S A REFEREE) Jake shrugs it all off and DDTs him to death, making it 3-2 (Savage/Steamboat/Roberts vs. Hercules/Honky).

Herc comes in and takes Jake down and Savage tries to come in for a save, which just allows the heels to double team Jake. Savage isn’t thinking here because of his anger, almost like…..a savage. Oh you’re very clever WWF. Honky hooks a chinlock and Hercules comes in to do the same. Jake hits a jawbreaker to escape and there’s the hot tag to Steamboat who cleans house with chops.

A top rope chop has Herc reeling and it’s off to Savage for the elbow. It’s just Honky left and Savage explodes on him, only to miss another charge (third one for Savage’s team) and let Honky get in some offense. That lasts all of six seconds as the beating continues. Jake comes in and pounds away on him, followed by Savage dropping a double ax. An atomic drop sends Honky to the floor and he’s like screw this and takes the countout. Can you blame him?

Rating: B. This was a really fun match with a good story to it. The fans HATED Honky and the idea of getting him caught at the end with no one to defend him had the fans going nuts. Honky vs. Savage was a great feud but it never had a blowoff due to a bunch of backstage stuff. Honky would somehow hold the title nine more months before perhaps the greatest end to a title run ever at Summerslam. This was a great choice for a first match ever for the concept too as it showed how the idea worked and gave the fans something to cheer about too. Really good stuff.

From two days later on Saturday Night’s Main Event XIII. This is the result of a one off angle six months earlier where Davis hit George Steele with the ring bell.

George Steele vs. Danny Davis

Steele starts fast and goes after Davis in the corner before choking him in the air. At least Danny is smart enough to bail to the floor so Steele chases the referee around the ring. Back in and Davis’ right hands have no effect as George punches him right back out to the floor. Davis tries to sneak up on him but Steele falls to his stomach into a drop toehold, sending Danny back to the floor and Jesse into shock.

A chair won’t be allowed inside the ring but the distraction lets Danny get in a cheap shot with a foreign object. Davis chokes on the ropes, with Jesse claiming that he’s just brushing Steele’s teeth and barely holding back a big laugh. More foreign object shots have Steele in trouble but he grabs a flying (lifting) hammerlock, actually his regular finishing move. Davis kicks the referee by mistake for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Why in the world did this not close the show? Steele winning here is fine as no one was going to buy Davis as anything other than a joke heel, so I really don’t see why Steele couldn’t have gotten the submission here. This really was an odd choice to open the show as it was a comedy match instead of the usual hot start. Also did a moment from the spring really need a blowoff in November?

Another Saturday Night’s Main Event with XVI.

Danny Davis vs. Brutus Beefcake

Based on the two interviews I think you get the story here. Davis is the former referee that always cheated and is now a bad heel. Jesse sounds stunned when Davis goes on offense. That’s hilarious for some reason. They botch something and down goes Davis with the fans just losing their minds over Beefcake. The sleeper goes on and this is academic. Post match Davis gets his hair cut…kind of. Oh and he gets a skunk stripe put on his back and hair.

Rating: D. Just a quick match to get Brutus over a bit more. That works as it was just a comedy thing for the most part but it was really short. Post match stuff went on a good bit longer though and let Davis get some more of what was coming to him. That’s the entire point of the character and it worked well enough here.

We’ll wrap it up at Survivor Series 1988.

Team Ultimate Warrior vs. Team Honky Tonk Man

Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, Jim Brunzell, Blue Blazer

Honky Tonk Man, Bad News Brown, Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine

This is fallout from Warrior winning the title at Summerslam. Brunzell is subbing for Don Muraco who has left the company at this point. That’ll be a recurring theme tonight. Valentine and Beefcake starts us off, making it the second year in a row that Beefcake has opened for his team. It’s quickly off to Davis and the sleeper puts him out in less than a minute and a half. Well to be fair there’s no reason for him to be around anyway. Valentine charges right back in to continue the war of the original Dream Team, which I doubt most people would remember at this point.

Greg goes after the legs as is his custom, but since we’re only about three minutes into the match, the Figure Four is broken up. Well to be fair everyone says that Valentine doesn’t get warmed up for about ten or fifteen minutes so he’s still looking for his keys at this point. Off to the Blazer (played by then mostly unknown Owen Hart) who drops an ax handle onto Valentine, giving us the trademark slow fall.

Valentine goes for the arm (not a hammer lock which takes away the irony of it) but Blazer easily takes him down with a headscissors and brings in Brunzell. The Killer Bees were gone at this point so he’s just a guy in trunks. He’s a guy in trunks with a good leapfrog though as he clears Valentine with a lot of room to spare, only to get slammed down. Brunzell pops up and hits the dropkick but it’s off to Bad News. Sweet goodness was this guy born in the wrong generation. Imagine him after the rise of MMA, remembering that he’s a legitimate Olympic bronze medalist in judo.

Brown comes in like the headhunter he’s known as and kills Brunzell with a clothesline. Brunzell tries some basic stuff so Brown kicks him in the chest and beats on him in the corner. Brunzell misses a charge in the corner and the Ghetto Blaster (enziguri) gets the easy pin to tie things up. Brutus comes in and grabs Brown so Houston, one of the least intimidating guys ever, can come off the top with a double ax.

Houston misses a charge in the corner and Brown pounds on him like a stupid looking dancing white boy. A clothesline takes Houston’s head off and here’s Valentine. Make that Brown again and Valentine accidentally hits Brown. That ticks off Bad News and he walks off. That’s not a face turn. He just didn’t like anybody. Houston tries to steal a pin on Valentine but Greg is like boy please.

Off to Bass in a match that I think happened before in the NWA. A rollup gets two for Houston but he charges into another boot in the corner. That’s a popular move in this match. A middle rope cross body gets two for Sam and a forearm from Bass takes his head off for two. Houston’s monkey flip is countered into a powerslam and he’s gone, thank goodness. The guy is just not interesting or good at all.

Warrior comes in to fire the crowd up and attacks everyone left on the other team (Valentine, Bass and Honky vs. Warrior, Beefcake and Blazer at the moment). Honky comes in because he’s not that bright and there he goes, flying through the air off a shoulder tackle. Off to Bass who gets slammed down and hit with a Rocket Launcher from Blazer. Honky comes in and is cross bodied down immediately. A monkey flip and dropkick have Honky in even more trouble so it’s off to Valentine.

Owen gets crotched on the head of Valentine during a leapfrog but apparently Blazer has balls of steel because he suplexes Valentine down and drops a knee for two. Blazer goes up but Honky shoves him off, sending Owen down onto his knee. The Figure Four means a quick elimination by Valentine and we’re down to 3-2. Off to Beefcake vs. Valentine and Jesse mentions that these guys were not only a team but tag champions. Why is that such an afterthought?

Off to Bass who also has history with Beefcake but that isn’t mentioned here, despite it happening like three months before this. A headbutt keeps Beefcake down and it’s back to Elvis Man. His contribution is ramming Beefcake’s head into Bass’ boot and tagging in Valentine. Well no one ever accused him of being a ring general. After Warrior charges in like an idiot, it’s back to Honky for Shake Rattle and Roll, but Brutus backdrops out of it to start his comeback.

Back to Bass who hits a top rope clothesline to keep the advantage and brings in Honky who goes up. Beefcake punches him in the ribs because Honky is about as fast as Arn Anderson at going to the top. Beefcake wins a slugout and we get the eternally funny selling of an atomic drop by Honky. There’s the sleeper but Man dumps them to the floor and they fight to a countout.

This leaves us with Valentine and Bass vs. Ultimate Warrior. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. A double clothesline puts Warrior down but Valentine can only get two. More double teaming works for a bit but Warrior gets to the ropes and starts shaking. Another double clothesline doesn’t work and an ax handle each gets the two pins to make Warrior the sole survivor.

Rating: C. Not the best match in the world but for a midcard match it was fine. Warrior was insanely over here (as well as insane in general but that’s another talk for later on) and the fans erupted for his comeback at the end. The rest of it is just ok and there’s nothing wrong with that. This was the right choice for an opener though.

Davis would job for another few months before heading back to refereeing full time in mid 1989. Like I said, there just isn’t enough skill in the ring to back up the heat he had built up. Once he lost all of his matches and the people he had screwed over beat him, Davis was just that guy that was crooked about a year ago, which really isn’t going to keep you over. It was a good idea for a character but there was a firm limit on how far it was going to go.

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This is one of those wrestlers that I really don’t care for all that much: Terry Taylor.

Taylor got his start back in 1979 and we’ll pick things up in Memphis on January 8, 1983.

Bobby Eaton/Sweet Brown Sugar vs. Jacques Rougeau/Terry Taylor

Rougeau is the Mid-America Champion and Taylor is the Southern Champion. Sugar is more famous as Koko B. Ware. Taylor and Eaton get going to start and things speed up, which you know is going to be at least moderately awesome. Off to Sugar who is immediately taken over in a headlock by Taylor. Rougeau comes in and things slow down a bit. We get a test of strength resulting in Rougeau monkey flipping Sugar down.

Back to Eaton who is taken down by another headlock as things slow down even more. Eaton has black hair here which is an odd look on him. The heels finally wake up and cheat to take over on Jacques. Taylor gets a quick hot tag and cleans house, only to get poked in the eye and taken down. Sugar works on his back and then the arm as the fans are WILD about Taylor. Back to Eaton with a knee drop for no cover.

Sugar comes in again and I think this is 2/3 falls. They’re really bad about letting us know these things in advance. I get that it’s a common thing of the era, but if you’re someone like me who doesn’t get to see this regularly, a little notification would help. Taylor finally gets away from Eaton and it’s off to Rougeau for a quick middle rope dropkick on sugar, good for the first fall.

We start fall #2 with Sugar taking over on Rougeau. Back to Eaton as Jacques is in trouble early on. After some quick offense from Eaton, Sugar comes back in for a fast chinlock. Rougeau misses a cross body out of the corner as Eaton ducks and gets two off of it. Jacques finally makes a comeback but doesn’t tag for some reason. Eaton trips him up coming off the top, allowing Sugar to drop an elbow on him for two.

Rating: C. There’s no time for a third fall so this is going to end in another draw. This wasn’t bad and it was fast paced enough, but I’m not a big fan of Koko and I’m certainly no fan of Taylor. Still though, this was certainly interesting enough to keep my attention for the last fifteen minutes of the show. Not great but not bad so we’ll go right in the middle.

Off to the NWA at Starrcade 1985 after Taylor had started to make a name for himself in the territories.

National Title: Buddy Landel vs. Terry Taylor

Landel is challenging and this is for the Georgia Championship Wrestling main title. Terry, I think the face in this match, takes Buddy down to start and gets some fast near falls off various leverage moves. Landel is basically a Ric Flair tribute wrestler, even using the Nature Boy as his ring name. Buddy fires back but runs into a boot in the corner from the champion.

Terry goes after the arm so Buddy pulls back and BLASTS him with a single right hand to knock Taylor down. That looked great. Here’s JJ Dillon to cheer on his man Landel. I’m not sure why he wasn’t here to start with but whatever. Anyway Terry gets clotheslined down but comes back with a counter to a suplex for two.

Off to a camel clutch by Landel which goes on for a bit as JJ talks a lot of trash. Terry starts to fight out and dropkicks buddy down before standing on his face. That’s a new one. The referee is knocked down so JJ throws in a foreign object and Taylor gets knocked silly for a very close two. Terry comes back and loads up a superplex, only to have Dillon trip him down and let Buddy land on top for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but then again neither guy was ever anything of note to begin with. Buddy would be thrown out of the company a few months later due to drug problems and Dusty would get the title as a result. Taylor would go on to the UWF and then the WWF, where he would become a half man half rooster. Wrestling is funny like that sometimes.

Off to the UWF on March 7, 1987.

Tag Titles: Eddie Gilbert/Sting vs. Terry Taylor/Chris Adams

Taylor and Adams are defending. Sting is in street clothes for some reason. Gilbert says Sting has torn his bicep so a guy named Mike Boyette is replacing him for one night. Eddie and Taylor start us off and here’s King Parsons for no apparent reason. The match starts and he jumps on the mic to say hang on a second. He calls out Adams as a jailbird and a sucker, which draws Adams out of the ring. Ok so now back to the match.

It’s Gilbert vs. Taylor still and now off to Adams who throws Gilbert around. Boyette comes in as does Taylor and the heels take over on him. Neckbreaker gets two for Gilbert as does a suplex. Taylor manages to tag as does Gilbert and we’re out of time. The credits roll but Adams hits a quick superkick to retain. I’m not rating it due to the length that we actually saw, since most of the match was the Parsons thing.

Taylor would win the UWF TV Title and defended it in a unification match at Starrcade 1987.

NWA TV Title/UWF TV Title: Nikita Koloff vs. Terry Taylor

This is a unification match between the two Television Titles. Taylor has Eddie Gilbert with him as backup. Taylor grabs a headlock to start but is easily run over by a shoulder block. They head to the corner and amazingly enough we get a clean break. We go to another corner and Taylor tries a cheap shot, only to get punched in the face by Nikita. Taylor cranks on the arm so Nikita sticks his tongue out at him and puts on an armbar of his own.

Terry headbutts out of the hold but Nikita rams him shoulder first into the buckle. More right hands have no effect at all and Nikita cranks away on the wristlock into a hammerlock. Koloff muscles him down into a cover but Taylor makes the ropes and heads outside. Back in and Taylor talks some trash, earning himself a slap in the face. A backdrop gets two on Terry and its time for more stalling on the floor.

Nikita gets tired of waiting and pulls Taylor back in so he can put the hammerlock right back on. After a rope breaks saves Taylor, he pounds on Nikita in the corner but misses an elbow drop. Back to the armbar which has dominated this match so far. They get back up again and Taylor pounds away, only to be choked to the mat. The Russian Sickle misses though and Nikita charges into the buckle. They head outside with Taylor ramming Nikita’s shoulder into the post to take over.

The match slows down a lot as Taylor’s offense isn’t exactly suited to beat on someone like Koloff. He stays on the arm but can’t bring Nikita down into a sunset flip. Koloff blocks a suplex and takes the smaller guy down with a suplex of his own. Nikita has enough of the pounding and fights back with a bunch of right hands in the corner. Taylor comes out with an atomic drop to get two of his own and Koloff’s momentum is stopped cold.

A rollup gets two for Nikita as the fans are finally starting to get into the match. Terry loads up a piledriver but gets backdropped down and punched in the face. They head to the floor again but Gilbert hits Koloff in the knee to give Nikita control again. Off to a figure four on the Russian which gets a few near falls (the figure four can be used as a pin if the guy in the hold doesn’t raise his arms). Koloff finally gets the ropes and beats up Gilbert before hitting the Sickle on Taylor for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work for me. It was nearly twenty minutes long and way too much of that was spent in a hammerlock. I’ve never been a fan of Taylor but at least Koloff was there with the hard hitting stuff to make things somewhat interesting. This wasn’t terrible but it was too long and dull for what it was worth.

Soon after this it was off to the WWF as the Red Rooster, the wrestling bird. Somehow he stuck with the character for years and yes it crippled his career. He started off well though, appearing in the main event of Survivor Series 1988.

Team Mega Powers vs. Team Twin Towers

Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Koko B. Ware, Hillbilly Jim, Hercules

Big Bossman, Akeem, Ted DiBiase, Red Rooster, Haku

Savage is world champion and this is based on a tag team feud which would be blown off in a huge live match on February 3. Hogan comes out to his own theme music after his partners all used Savage’s. This is actually a plot point as the Mega Powers would explode because Savage thought Hogan was taking his spotlight. It’s a Wrestlemania rematch with Savage vs. DiBiase to start things off.

They knock each other down with DiBaise taking over in the corner. The champ comes back with right hands and a clothesline. Off to Hercules who is feuding with DiBiase as Ted had called Hercules a slave, prompting a face turn. Instead Herc gets the Red Rooster who doesn’t do well at all, which is the idea. Heenan said he could take anyone, even Rooster, to the top. Off to Koko who gets in a shot to Ware and it’s off to Akeem (One Man Gang).

Haku comes in with a chop but misses a legdrop and it’s back to Herc. I’m not sure why when you have Hogan and Savage on the apron but whatever. Now it’s off to Hogan and the place erupts. He takes Haku down and drops some elbows before bringing Hillbilly in for a quick main event opportunity. Akeem comes in and runs Jim over before bringing Rooster in. Even Gorilla found that stupid. Jim doesn’t do much to Rooster so here’s Koko instead.

Rooster rams Koko’s head into the buckle, but see, Koko is black so it doesn’t hurt. A missile dropkick gets two on Red and it’s off to Hogan. The big boot sets up Savage’s elbow and it’s 5-4. Hogan’s team has a massive in ring celebration while Bossman’s team hits the floor. Heenan rips into Rooster as we get Savage vs. Haku. Haku chokes on the ropes but Hogan makes a blind tag and, brace yourselves, actually loses a slugout!

Haku hits a nice dropkick but gets slammed down and it’s off to Herc. A suplex puts Hercules down and it’s off to Akeem. A splash misses and it’s off to Hillbilly who fires away with all he’s got. Jim’s big boot doesn’t take Akeem down and a clothesline floors Jim. The 747 (big splash) gets the pin and we’re tied up. Koko comes in and dropkicks Akeem in the back before wisely bringing in Hogan to do the heavy lifting.

Back to the world champ with a double ax to the head but they can’t knock Akeem down. Hercules pounds away a bit as does Koko with a dropkick only sending Akeem into the corner. Akeem shrugs it off and hits Koko once to take over. Off to Boss Man who hits his namesake slam to make it 4-3. It’s Hogan in now and this is the match everyone has been wanting to see.

Hogan pounds him into the corner and everyone left on Hogan’s team (Hogan, Savage, Hercules vs. Bossman, Akeem, DiBiase, Haku) gets in a shot. Hogan easily slams the then bigger Boss Man but he charges into a spinebuster. That looked really good too. Back to Akeem and the big men hit a double elbow to take Hulk down. Off to Haku who gets in some shots to the neck before tagging in Boss Man. I wonder why they’ve gone so long since having DiBiase in there.

Naturally as I say that he comes in and clotheslines Hogan down. A falling punch gets two but Hogan Hulks Up. Off to Hercules for some revenge and some hard clotheslines and punches. Virgil trips him up though and a school boy eliminates Hercules. It’s now 4-2 but Savage charges in and rolls up DiBiase to pin him within about ten seconds.

Haku comes in again but misses a headbutt, allowing Hogan to get the tag. Something like a superkick takes Hulk down and it’s back to Boss Man for some headbutts tot he back. Akeem comes in for his usual shots before it’s back to Haku again, who suplexes Hulk for two. It’s nerve hold time followed by the Boss Man Slam for no cover. Instead Boss Man goes up and misses a splash.

The hot tag brings in Savage who cleans house. Slick trips Randy up and things slow down again. Boss Man puts on a bearhug as Slick goes after Liz, grabbing her by the arm. Hulk makes the save and DRILLS Slick with a right hand. The Towers go to handcuff Hogan to the rope but Boss Man gets counted out in the process. Boss Man beats on Hogan with the nightstick and then goes to beat on Savage. Akeem helps with that, drawing a DQ for himself and getting us down to Hogan and Savage vs. Haku.

Hogan is still cuffed to the rope though so it’s basically a one on one match. Haku beats on Savage as the camera is on the Towers leaving. Slick has the keys and is taunting Hogan with them. Savage holds the rope and avoids a kick but there’s no Hogan to tag. Haku accidentally superkicks Slick and Liz raids his pocket to get the key. Hogan is freed and Haku hits a top rope splash for two. Hot tag to Hogan and since it’s 1988, you can fill in the ending for yourself.

Rating: C+. While not great, this was better than the previous match to be sure. This would be part of the Mega Powers Exploding, as Savage would be jealous of Hogan for getting the glory and not being there for him earlier in the match. It’s no classic or anything, but 80s Hogan is always fun.

Off to Saturday Night’s Main Event with #19.

Tito Santana vs. Terry Taylor

Remember that Heenan is on a mic so we can hear everything that he’s saying. Taylor is undefeated somehow. George Steinbrenner is here. They speed it up so if nothing else it’s interesting looking. Heenan argues with Steinbrenner which is interesting as all goodness obviously. We shift over to a more common style of match. This is interesting as it’s mainly just Bobby talking and you rarely hear from him in the manager role.

After some stupid stuff from Taylor Heenan goes off on him and they shove each other. This is Santana doing most of the work. Keep in mind that I can’t stand Taylor at all. This is horribly boring stuff. Santana gets a rollup for the pin. A boring argument starts, leading to Taylor vs. Brooklyn Brawler of all things. Heenan gets beaten up afterwards.

Rating: D. This was about as boring as you can ask for. It was all storyline but they left out the interesting part of the storyline. This was just boring as all goodness and I couldn’t care less. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make a Tito Santana match dull? Granted it didn’t help that the focus was on Steinbrenner.

From Saturday Night’s Main Event #20.

Red Rooster vs. Brooklyn Brawler

The match starts while we’re in a break and it’s a squash. It’s a minute long and Rooster wins with a small package. I think that’s longer than the “blowoff” of Rooster vs. Heenan at Mania.

And here is that match from Mania V.

Red Rooster vs. Bobby Heenan

There’s actually a backstory: Heenan managed Rooster but said he was limited so Rooster dumped Heenan. Bobby is hurt so he brings the Brooklyn Brawler with him. Those sentences take as long to type as the match lasts as Rooster hits him once, Heenan misses a charge into the post, gets whipped into the buckle and the match is over in 30 seconds. To recap, Rooster beat him with an Irish whip.

That’s about the extent of the good in the Rooster run but we’ll wrap it up with the last two big matches in 1989, starting at Summerslam.

Mr. Perfect vs. Red Rooster

Perfect is still perfect at this point. They shove each other around to start until Hperfect shoves him down and hits a hiptoss. Things speed up a bit with both guys running the ropes and Perfect trying a slam. Rooster slips down the back and tries a slam of his own but can’t get Perfect up in a weird spot. Perfect sends him to the floor for a second and pounds away back inside, only to be shoved to the floor by Rooster. Perfect wins a quick slugout on the floor before going inside for the PerfectPlex and a very fast pin.

Rating: D. This was very odd with the match finishing out of nowhere after no build at all. The match had to be cut for time or maybe an injury because there’s no way this was the match they were planning. Or maybe they didn’t have time because we needed Dusty to have an even longer chinlock. These two are capable of having a far better match though and did many times.

And ending at Survivor Series.

Dream Team vs. Enforcers

Dusty Rhodes, Brutus Beefcake, Tito Santana, Red Rooster

Big Bossman, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel, Honky Tonk Man

This is mainly over Dusty vs. Bossman which is Dusty’s first big feud in the company. Dusty stole the nightstick and the hat which has ticked Bossman off. The rest of the guys are there because it’s Survivor Series and we need six more guys. Brutus’ music was awesome, just like the names for the teams. Tito and Honky start things off and for the third straight year Honky and Brutus are in the opening match on this show. I’m not sure what that means.

Tito takes over quickly but Honky gets in one kick before RUNNING over to make a tag to Martel. Rick dropkicks Tito down as Jesse talks about the now broken up Strike Force. Tito atomic drops Martel for two and everyone but Bad News gets in the ring at once. Nothing happens but it’s cool to see. Brown not getting in is perfect for his character too. Off to the Boss Man who is immediately armdragged down by Tito.

Off to Dusty who pounds away as the fans go nuts. Chicago was a big NWA town so it’s easy to see why he’s popular. Brutus comes in to another pop but Boss Man takes him down with a few shots to the back. Honky comes in but misses a fist drop. Beefcake hammers away but Martel makes a blind tag and takes over on Brutus. Rooster comes in and the place goes quiet. When you can’t get a reaction in Chicago, things aren’t that good for you.

Martel hits some knees to the face and it’s off to Honky who dances a lot. Boss Man comes in and they slug it out with the big man taking over with ease. Martel comes back in and drops some knees but gets rolled up for two. Back to Honky as Rooster is in trouble. I’m digging these four man versions already as the match seems less crowded and the guys can stay in the ring a little longer. Rooster and Honky collide and it’s a double tag to give us another battle of Strike Force.

Tito goes loco on Martel and beats him down, but Martel breaks the figure four. Santana tries an O’Connor Roll but Martel rolls through and grabs the trunks for the first elimination. Dusty comes in next and hits a dropkick (and a decent one) followed by the big elbow…for two? We must be in the WWF. Brutus comes in to work on the arm and stomp on Martel’s face when he tries a reverse monkey flip.

Rooster comes in and can’t seem to figure out what to do with a headlock. Martel is like screw you you nitwit and backbreaks him down. Off to Boss Man who slaps on a bearhug. Gorilla keeps calling Brutus the team captain but the team is called the Dream Team and Dusty came out last. Rooster bites out of the hold and Boss Man tags Bad News who isn’t interested in coming in.

After Bad News gets pulled in he takes over because he’s fighting a freaking rooster. Just like last year though, Bad News accidentally gets hit by his partner and he walks out. It’s three on three now and we have Boss Man vs. Brutus. After the Barber gets beaten on some more it’s off to Honky for a belly to back suplex. Out of nowhere Brutus hits a high knee to Honky for the fast pin, making it 3-2 (Brutus, Dusty and Rooster vs. Boss Man and Martel).

Martel immediately comes in and puts a chinlock on Brutus which doesn’t last long. The second version of it does though as the match slows down a lot. A backbreaker puts Brutus down and he goes into the buckle a few times. Brutus grabs a sunset flip again out of nowhere to eliminate Martel and it’s 3-1. Brutus tags in Rooster to throw a bone to Boss Man and after some punches from Rooster, the Boss Man Slam gets the fast pin and it’s 2-1.

Dusty is in next but it’s quickly off to Brutus for some knees to the chest. Back to Dusty as the good guys are using some intelligence (yes, Dusty and Brutus are using intelligence) with the fast tags. Boss Man gets whipped into the ropes and Dusty takes him down with a cross body, likely rupturing at least three vital organs of Boss Man and getting the final pin. I may have been right about those organs.

Rating: C+. Nothing special here but it was fine for an opener. The fans liked most of the good guys and other than Rooster, that was a solid set of guys. The match wasn’t competitive or anything for the most part after the first five minutes but there was nothing particularly bad about it I guess.

It was back to WCW soon after this and we’ll start at Halloween Havoc 1990.

Bill Irwin vs. Terry Taylor

This is before Taylor is computerized and he’s no longer a farm animal. Jack Brickhouse of the Chicago Cubs is on commentary here. He’s a commentator so at least he has an idea here. The ring mat is red here and the buckles are orange if I forgot to mention that. Taylor works on the arm to start and things slow down a lot already. Irwin is a cowboy kind of guy so he has the bandana around his neck.

Taylor comes back with a missile dropkick for two. He takes it to the mat and hooks a headlock to slow things down again. Brickhouse used to be a wrestling announcer apparently. Irwin takes over and rams Taylor into his knee. A knee drop misses and it’s back to the headlock. Brickhouse snaps off a bunch of names he’s watched over the years, including Gotch and Hackenschmidt. Dang how old is this guy? His age would mean he couldn’t have seen them so apparently the guy is a liar. Good to know.

Irwin takes over again and the announcers insult Gordon Solie a bit. Brickhouse names off some other guys he used to watch, most of which you’ve heard of. He also knows most of the modern guys which is interesting. This guy could be a regular commentator. The match is being TOTALLY ignore but to be fair, it’s nothing of note with mostly rest holds. Irwin puts on a chinlock as JR is talking football.

There’s a boring chant going on now and it’s completely appropriate. Dangerously tries to get the commentary back on the match but I really don’t care to hear about it. Sleeper goes on as Brickhouse talks about Verne Gagne developing that move. I seem to remember it being Johnny Weaver but Gagne was certainly around first so maybe it was him. Then again it’s just a choke so it’s kind of a stretch to say any one person invented it.

A bridging belly to back gets two for Taylor but he walks into a tombstone for the same. Now we’re talking about the WCW Top Ten which was one of those things that was around for years but it never really meant anything. They head outside and Irwin is knocked off the ramp to the floor. Taylor takes over and drops a knee for two. Irwin chokes some more but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. A small package gets the same for Rooster Man, as does a rollup. Irwin puts him down with a spinebuster but doesn’t cover him properly, allowing Taylor to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: D-. What a boring match. Brickhouse, a guy that would have been in his mid 70s at this point, was by far the most interesting thing here. He seemed interested in being there and was talking wrestling almost the entire match, which is far more than you’ll get from most guest commentators. The match itself sucked as no one wanted to see it and neither guy did anything to make it better.

Taylor would turn heel soon after this and had a match at WrestleWar 1991.

Z-Man vs. Terrance Taylor

Taylor is part of the York Foundation which is kind of a business organization type of heel stable. It was just starting at this point and would eventually get going in a few more months. This is No DQ after three previous matches didn’t have a clean ending. The idea here is that Alexandra York (Terri) has a computer that gives Terry a perfect plan for the match. They start with some basic stuff and Terry bails to York for instructions. They try it again and Terry gets punched in the face again.

After more talking with York it’s time for another punch from Z-Man and it’s down to the mat. Zenk drills him again and it’s time to talk to the computer. They slug it out and Zenk sends him into the ropes for a backdrop for two. Time for the headlock again as this match keeps starting and stopping which is what gets annoying about a lot of matches.

The headlock stays on even after Z-Man runs up the corner for a headlock takeover. A belly to back finally breaks the hold and Nikita Koloff is in the audience. Out to the floor and Taylor rams him into the barricade and chokes away a bit with a camera cord. Back in and a backbreaker gets two. Off to a camel clutch and let’s look at Hiro Matsuda in the crowd. Ok then.

Zenk comes back with a clothesline over the top which is fine because it’s a No DQ match, even though a clothesline over the top has been perfectly legal in every other match ever in WCW. They head to the floor again and Z-Man gets sent into the barricade. Z-Man comes back with a neckbreaker and superkick for two. This is before Shawn popularized the move so it looked a bit more exciting back then. An enziguri puts Taylor down for two but as Z-Man comes off the top with the cross body, York distracts the referee. Zenk yells at him long enough to get rolled up with tights for the pin.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but it didn’t get better until after they got done with the stupid computer nonsense. These feuds went on for a long time and eventually the Foundation grew into a cool and complex four way feud which almost got over huge but various things screwed it up. Decent stuff here though.

He then opened Great American Bash 1991 in one of the worst ideas ever to open one of the worst shows ever.

Bobby Eaton/PN News vs. Steve Austin/Terrence Taylor

Now those are some pretty weird teams. Austin is TV Champion and has Lady Blossom and her rack of AWESOME with him. Oh, and this is a SCAFFOLD match. It’s the capture the flag version too, meaning that you have to have these guys crawl across the scaffold, get the flag and bring it back to the other side. You can also shove both opponents off the scaffold but since that would be entertaining, that’s not going to happen.

The heels (Austin and Taylor) stall for fear of going up and possibly, you know, dying. After a few minutes we’re ready to “go”. Eaton walks out to the middle and Taylor inches out to him. The scaffold is MAYBE three feet wide so they’re barely able to move. Austin comes out and they stand around a bit more. Actually there is a reason for these two to be fighting: Eaton lost the TV Title to Austin.

Austin almost falls down as we’re waiting for contact. Their hands touch after thirty seconds and Austin hits a weak punch. Eaton slams Austin’s head into the scaffold, drawing Taylor out to help. This match is almost two minutes in now so you can see what I’m dealing with here. The fat man (News) comes out after Austin so Austin backs up again. Taylor comes out instead and News shoves him into Austin at the end of the scaffold, shaking the whole thing.

News and Austin fight in the corner as Taylor and Eaton go to the other side. There are railings there which give the guys a bit more security so they don’t have to be so worried about falling. Oh and the flags are the same colors so you can’t tell which is which anyway. News and Eaton are both on their stomachs and you can see that the scaffold is a freaking piece of plywood.

All four go into the heel corner so Eaton grabs the flag and casually walks across for the win. Wait that isn’t a win as Eaton comes back with the flag. Lady Blossom hands Austin some spray of some sort which blinds both of Austin’s opponents. Not that it matters as Eaton and News are declared the winners anyway.

Rating: Agoobwa. WOW. I didn’t think it was possible for an opening match to be this horrible. I was very, very wrong. I mean……WHAT IN THE FREAKING WORLD WERE THEY THINKING??? You had four guys (one of them over 400lbs) who were afraid that they would fall and break a major limb and you give them three feet to walk around on? Back in the 80s they had some of these and while they sucked, at least there were A, falls and B, A REASON FOR THE GUYS TO FIGHT! Horrible, horrible thing (it’s certainly not a wrestling match) but this isn’t on the guys in it one bit. They did all they could out there safely.

Back to regular TV at Clash of the Champions XVIII with Taylor now full heel as Terrance Taylor and part of the York Foundation.

Terrance Taylor/Tracy Smothers vs. Brian Pillman/Marcus Alexander Bagwell

Neither team has ever worked together before but injuries changed the original match. The York Foundation is broken up and Taylor is now just the Taylor Made Man and wears nice clothes. Pillman and Taylor get things going as we hear about Pillman wanting a rematch against Liger after losing the Light Heavyweight Title.

Pillman scores with some quick atomic drops and knocks down an invading Smothers as well. Taylor comes back with a backbreaker for two on Brian but everything quickly breaks down with the good guys clearing the ring. They hit stereo dives over the top to put both villains down and the fans are very pleased. Back in and Smothers scores with a back elbow to Bagwell’s jaw and a clothesline gets two. Taylor comes in and snaps Bagwell’s neck for two but Tracy’s splash hits knees.

Pillman comes back in by jumping over the top and hammering away on Tracy. A big spinwheel kick gets a two count but Taylor comes in sans tag, allowing for a double team when the referee is with Bagwell. Taylor suplexes Pillman from the ring to the floor and brings him back inside for a gutwrench powerbomb and a close two count. Tracy comes back in and knocks Pillman off the apron with another jumping back elbow. Pillman slingshots in with a clothesline to nail Tracy and everything breaks down again. Brian dropkicks Taylor into Tracy, knocking him into a sunset flip to give Bagwell the pin.

Rating: C+. This was a formula of taking four fast guys and putting them into a match. Bagwell gets to have some ring time and earn a big more experience which is all you can do with a young guy like him. Everyone else looked good and the whole match worked very well. Two good matches in a row to start the show.

Here he is with another very talented guy at Halloween Havoc 1991.

Terrance Taylor vs. Bobby Eaton

This should be good. Taylor slaps him around to start so Eaton offers him a free shot. Eaton is the face here and it’s still York Foundation time for Taylor. He takes Eaton down with an armdrag but the second one is countered. Bobby speeds things up and Taylor bails to the floor. They go to the floor and Eaton is sent into the barricade, but he backdrops Taylor over the railing and into the crowd for a second.

Back in and Taylor tries to hide. Eaton blasts him with a right hand for two and it’s off to a hammerlock. Rooster Boy gets out with a jawbreaker and they go to the ramp. Eaton slams him down and hits a knee/splash off the top to crush Taylor. Back in and Taylor sends him through the ropes and into the barricade again. Taylor uses the break to go over to the computer and York for more assistance.

The solution is apparently a corner clothesline followed by a knee drop for two. They head to the ramp again and Eaton is put down by a gutwrench powerbomb. Eaton slowly gets back in and takes a top rope splash for two. We hit the chinlock which is broken somewhat quickly but a knee to the ribs stops it dead. Taylor gets some more computer advice and apparently is willing to settle for the countout.

That doesn’t work and Bobby comes off the top with a sunset flip for two. Off to a reverse chinlock by Taylor but Eaton comes out of it with a jawbreaker, just like Taylor did to him earlier. Taylor’s Vader Bomb hits knees and it’s time for Bobby’s comeback. He pounds away in the corner and suplexes Taylor down for two. A swinging neckbreaker puts Terry down but Eaton goes up and gets crotched. Taylor’s superplex is broken up and Eaton hits the Alabama Jam for the pin.

Rating: B. This was a great back and forth match. It’s amazing how much more bearable Taylor is when he isn’t acting like a bird. The computer gimmick got annoying after awhile but having him wrestle straight worked pretty well. This wasn’t quite a masterpiece but it was a very solid sixteen minute match and a nice change of pace.

And then a title match at WrestleWar 1992.

US Tag Titles: Greg Valentine/Terry Taylor vs. Freebirds

It amazes me how far tag wrestling has fallen. There are midcard tag titles here. The Freebirds are faces here and for the life of me I don’t get what was seen in Valentine and Taylor as a team. There are two rings here which is always kind of strange but it’s still cool. The Freebirds both use the DDT here so they’re looking for the quick win. Fonzie from ECW is the referee here.

Taylor and Hayes start us off and the fans more or less hate Taylor. At least they’re smart. It’s just strange seeing the Freebirds as faces. Also Greg Valentine is a champion in 1992. What’s weird about this picture? A backhand chop is a judo chop according to Jim. For those of you unsure, the Freebirds are Jimmy Garvin (no one of note really) and Michael Hayes, who is currently the head writer for Smackdown.

ALL Freebirds so far but this is a long match so there’s plenty of time left. We’re about eight minutes in and the champions haven’t been on offense longer than maybe 20 seconds yet. I could watch Valentine fall on his face every day. It’s just perfectly done. The heels take over for a bit and I emphasize the bit part since Garvin takes over again to get us to even.

Hayes gets a hot tag and cleans house. The crowd is hot tonight which gives me a good feeling about the main event. Hayes gets hit in the back of the head with the Five Arm, Terry’s finisher but it only gets two. Fans are completely behind the Freebirds. Taylor gets a gutwrench powerbomb for two on Hayes which is a move I wish we saw more often. We’re nearly fifteen minutes in and Jesse says it’s too early to go for the figure four.

Valentine works on the arm which is just weird for him but whatever. This has been a good match so I can live with that. Another hot tag to Garvin and he cleans house. Everything goes insane and Garvin gets a DDT on Taylor for the pin and the titles. Solid opener and the crowd is happy so everything worked. The titles would be retired in July so it’s not like it means much.

Rating: B. Great opener here as the crowd was way into it and the title change works well to open a show. Starting a show with a good tag match is pretty much a universally good idea and this was no exception. I’m not a fan of any of these four but this was a very solid match and has me wanting to watch more of the show, which is exactly the point of an opener.

It was back to the WWF soon after this, thankfully minus the clucking. We’ll pick things up on Raw, February 22, 1993.

Crush vs. Terry Taylor

It’s another squash as Crush gets to throw Taylor around for a bit. The interesting note during this match: Vince talks about Bill Clinton appointing Hulk to head up his physical fitness council. That’s all well and good, but we get a phone call from “Arnold Schwarzenegger” (Bartlett doing a decent impression), ranting about how he wants that position. Taylor hooks a chinlock and a jawbreaker before Crush throws him off. A few power moves set up the Headvice on Taylor for the submission.

Rating: D. Seriously, WHAT IS UP WITH THIS BARTLETT GUY??? I get that he’s a comedian, but that begs the question: if you want comedy, why is Bobby Heenan not doing this role? He’s a funny guy and actually knows what he’s talking about in wrestling. Bartlett is certainly trying but he’s just not in the right role here.

Then it was back to WCW where we’ll wrap things up with a title match on Saturday Night, January 1, 1994.

TV Title: Steven Regal vs. Terry Taylor

They tie up to start and fight to the corner for a break. After a quick standoff they head back to the technical chain style. Taylor gets a nice bridge to break out of a wristlock but Regal pulls him right back to the mat. The fans chant USA because Regal is an evil dirty foreigner. Back to the mat and Regal nips up to get out of a test of strength position. This is going to be a mat based match and I didn’t expect anything else.

Taylor hooks a body scissors with his legs which goes on for awhile. Tony talks about Flair being the new world champion, which is interesting when you consider this was taped about three weeks before Starrcade. Taylor keeps control and goes after the arm. Regal nips up again but Terry takes him right back down. They go back to the mat and Taylor works the arm even more.

The fans aren’t exactly thrilled with this, but then again they all got in free which was a very common practice at this time. The mat based technical stuff isn’t helping anything here. Regal takes over and it’s more arm work. Now for a change of pace, Taylor works on the arm! Regal gets up but Terry hooks a rollup for two. We’ve gone 12 minutes (not quite) out of the 15 and they fight over a butterfly suplex. They fight over a backslide which gets two for the challenger. That’s Taylor if you weren’t sure of it. Off to a pinfall reversal sequence with Regal getting the pin off a handful of trunks.

Rating: D+. Technically this was fine but at the same time the match itself was really boring. The arm work is a very scientific style but as you can see with the crowd like this, they don’t want to see technical stuff. I love the old school style but stuff like this gets very boring. These TV Title matches were usually a lot like this one though, which is why the big showdowns were much better.

Terry Taylor is a guy that was a very solid hand in the ring but he never got out of the midcard. Granted a big part of that is due to being best known as a wrestling bird. On top of that there’s his name. Wrestling is usually about masculine names and Terry really doesn’t work, especially when it’s just a guy in trunks. He was good in the ring, but not good enough to overcome all that.

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Thunder
Date: July 22, 1999
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Attendance: 6,754
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

Thankfully (I think?) we’re back to a live show this week as we’re getting closer to Road Wild. The main story coming out of Monday is Kevin Nash turning on Hogan for no apparent reason other than the script suggests that we need a heel vs. face title match. Other than that we have Sting in control of the company now, which I barely remember whatsoever. Let’s get to it.

The announcers do their usual intro/hype.

Van Hammer vs. Kaz Hayashi

The Glacier gear is gone. Kaz’s headlock goes as well as you would expect it to and Hammer hits a nice looking gorilla press. Now Kaz tries to slug it out to similar results so he finally dropkicks the knee twice in a row for one, but the kickout sends him flying through the ropes. Hammer runs him over with a Vader clothesline before throwing him right back to the floor. Back in again and Kaz goes after the knee to take the big man down. An elbow drop gets two but Hammer trips his legs to get a breather.

A big old beal sends Hayashi flying and we hit a chinlock. That goes nowhere so Hammer suplexes him down for two but Kaz comes back with every strike he can throw. Kaz actually tries a powerbomb which works as badly as you would expect. Hammer comes back with Snake Eyes and a big boot for two more as frustration is setting in. Back up and Kaz hits a quick bulldog and missile dropkick, only to miss a quick backsplash. A spinebuster and the cobra clutch slam are enough to end Kaz after longer than you would expect.

Rating: C. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT??? Kaz and Hammer just had a good match that I was actually liking. Granted it’s completely in spite of whatever WCW was trying to do with it as no one is watching this show and it’s in the opening match slot. This was actually entertaining and I had a good time watching it. It had to happen at some point.

Lenny and Lodi are upset about something they have to do later.

The announcers talk about the issues between Savage’s girls.

Brandi Alexander vs. Miss Madness

Alexander is officially “off the independent scene”. Madness is wrestling in a short version of the dress she wears to the ring as a valet. The fans are entirely behind Madness here as she takes Brandi down by the arm. Some dropkicks send Alexander out to the floor and claims a pull of the tights. Back in and Brandi hammers away before throwing Madness across the ring by the hair in a good looking spot. It looks so good that she does it again with Tenay spending way too much time talking about Madness’ long blonde hair.

A hard shot to the face keeps Brandi in control before a clothesline gets two. The fans aren’t pleased with Brandi choking on the ropes but they don’t mind a Boston crab nearly as much. That goes nowhere so Brandi goes up, only to get slammed off the top. A side slam gets two for Madness and a bad looking headscissors sends Brandi down again. Larry: “You gotta get vicious! Pretend there’s a sale!” Madness grabs a suplex but bridges up like a northern lights for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad and was a few light years ahead of what the WWF was doing with its girls at the moment, but it still wasn’t all that great. Miss Madness would get much better as Molly Holly whereas Alexander hasn’t done anything that I can find outside of this and two more matches with Miss Madness later in the year.

A Goldberg video to Crush Em brings out Curt Hennit, who says the Rednecks are much more popular than Goldberg. He’s willing to prove that tonight but thinks we should wait until Monday.

Curt Hennig vs. Chase Tatum

The muscular Chase shoves Curt off to start and knocks him to the corner with a hard shoulder. The Rednecks offer a distraction and Hennig gets in a cheap shot from behind to take over. There’s the Hennig Necksnap and Curt rips at Chase’s eyes for good measure. Curt nails his knee lift and puts on a sleeper but Chase powers out of it again.

Hennig cranks on the leg on the mat as the other Rednecks offer some assistance. Back up and a kind of pumphandle powerslam gets two on Curt but he sends Chase to the floor for a big beatdown. Swoll comes in with the heart “punch” but hits Chase by mistake, setting up the HennigPlex for the pin.

Rating: D. It takes a lot to make Curt Hennig look bad but that’s exactly what Chase just did. Tatum wasn’t anything of note and a generic power guy who probably got this job based on his look. With some more training and experience, he might have fit in with the Natural Born Thrillers in a year or so.

Sid comes up to Lenny and Lodi and wishes the luck in their match tonight. The brothers ask Jimmy Hart for help but he just suggests having a doctor at ringside.

We get a clip of Booker T. saving his brother from the Triad on Monday.

Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Psychosis/Juventud Guerrera

Rey and Juvy get things going but Guerrera quickly tags out. Mysterio tries to deck him as he leaves so Juvy gyrates a lot on the apron. Juvy comes back in without Psychosis doing anything and they trade wristlocks. It’s quickly off to Psychosis again who misses a charge and hits the post to give the good people an early advantage. Eddie comes in and takes Juvy down to the floor before backdropping Rey into a moonsault for an awesome spot. Back in and Eddie throws Guerrera outside again, only to have to bail out of a dive.

We take a break and come back with Rey in Psychosis’ abdominal stretch. That boring hold is upgraded by Psychosis loading him up for an Outsider’s Edge and Juvy coming in with a guillotine legdrop for two. Back to Psychosis who charges into Rey’s boots, allowing Eddie to come in and clean house. Everything breaks down and Rey nails Eddie by mistake, only to have Eddie throw him at Juvy for a headscissors. They’re not done yet though as Rey puts Psychosis on top and throws a charging Rey up for a super hurricanrana and the pin.

Rating: C+. Total spotfest here and there’s nothing wrong with that. Guerrero was basically just a guy there to throw Rey around for the high spots though, which is kind of a waste as the team got together because of Eddie having issues with the other luchadors. Still though, entertaining stuff with some great high spots.

We see Lex Luger, Savage and Gorgeous George on Arliss this coming Sunday.

Here are Savage, Miss Madness and Gorgeous George with something to say. Savage asks for our votes in the 2000 election but quickly moves on to Rodman, ripping on him for wearing women’s closing and hitting him with a purse. Miss Madness is fired for trying to upstage him, meaning Savage rips off her sash. She gets down on her knees and begs for her job but Savage fires her anyway. Savage hasn’t forgotten about Nash either.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Sick Boy

Rick is defending if that’s not clear. Before the match we get the usual catchphrases from the champ and he wants a piece of Goldberg. They circle around each other for a bit until Rick nails a hard Steiner Line. A release German suplex sends Sick Boy flying and Rick rips at his face on the mat. The Steiner Bulldog ends this quick.

We recap the Nash vs. Hogan stuff from Monday.

Nash calls in to the show and challenges Hogan to a tag match this Monday with partners of their choice. Kevin’s partner is a buddy of his that he’s known for nine years. Of course they’re hinting at Hall and I’d be stunned if it was actually him. Nash brings up his history with Hogan and says he only let him into the NWO so he could keep an eye on Hulk, because Hulk has a history of being a backstabbing jerk.

Video of Sting beating Flair with Bischoff counting the fall.

Sid Vicious vs. Lenny/Lodi

A chokeslam plants Lodi in ten seconds and Lenny takes a boot to the face. Sid hits a cobra clutch slam on Lenny, which is another way for Sid to do a chokeslam. Powerbombs for both guys set up a double pin. So the gay brothers are getting beaten up by a monster for no apparent reason. I’m sure this will be well received.

Dean Malenko vs. Ric Flair

They start faster than you would expect with Dean getting dropped by a shoulder, only to have him take Flair down with a quick drop toehold. An early Cloverleaf attempt doesn’t work so Dean hammers Ric out to the floor for a breather. Back in and Dean hammers away in the corner but gets suckered into a thumb to the eye. Ric snapmares him down, only to miss the knee drop. Dean channels his inner Flair and slaps on the Figure Four, only to crawl over to the ropes for a break.

Back up and Dean is sent to the floor as we take a break. We come back with Malenko in full control and sending Ric into the corner for a Flair Flip. Dean works him over on the floor until Asya offers a distraction, allowing Ric to take over with a cheap shot. A Figure Four attempt is countered into a small package but Asya has the referee. Flair counters everything Dean throws at him, including a belly to back suplex to break up a headlock.

Another Figure Four attempt is blocked and Malenko comes back with the leg lariat. Flair tries to bail but runs into Benoit and Saturn. This brings out Bigelow and Kanyon for a brawl but Dean puts on the Cloverleaf. Page comes in from behind to break it up but gets shoved into Asya, only to have Flair grab a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was fine due to the talent level in there and I liked the idea they were going for with Flair being more experienced and polished than Malenko, allowing him to counter everything Dean threw at him. The ending was overbooked but at least Dean didn’t lose entirely clean.

Overall Rating: C. At this point, Thunder can only really be judged on what happens in the ring. In this case, the wrestling was watchable enough to get through two hours but there’s almost no reason to care about anything. Considering that the matches are almost never referenced on Nitro and nothing here mattered, it basically boils down to whether or not you liked the wrestling. It was decent enough this week so we’ll go right in the middle.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #197
Date: July 19, 1999
Location: Metrocentre, Rockford, Illinois
Attendance: 7,558
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Bobby Heenan

We’re inching closer to Road Wild and we have a main event of World Champion Hollywood Hogan defending against Kevin Nash, who may or may not be a heel now. The main story for tonight though is Sting facing Ric Flair for control of the company, which is a more interesting match as I really don’t remember where these stories go. Let’s get to it.

Quick recap from last week and the opening sequence.

Here’s Sid for an intellectual chat. He can feel the same thing the fans feel in his blood and wants Hogan’s World Title. We get the usual catchphrases and I’m assuming that’s our main event.

Nitro Girls.

Jerry Flynn vs. Fit Finlay

Before the match Jimmy Hart pops up on screen to challenge Finlay for Road Wild, giving him a chance to get the trophy back. Finlay takes over to start and hammers on Jerry in the middle of the ring. Then he hammers him against the ropes and in the corner for good measure. A snapmare and elbow get two on Jerry but he pops up with his spinwheel kick to get a breather. The fans actually cheer for Jerry as he nails a top rope clothesline for two, only to walk into a jawbreaker.

They head outside for some shots into the barricade but the referee takes Finlay’s chair away. We hit the chinlock back inside as Jimmy pops up on screen to cheer for Jerry again. Flynn comes back with his usual jobber offense and chokes against the ropes. He avoids a charging Finlay but walks into the rolling fireman’s carry. Not that it matters though as Finlay leaves to go after Hart, only to get jumped by the First Family, including Flynn. I’m assuming it’s a no contest.

Rating: D-. This is the match that’s supposed to get people to stick with the show? Seriously? This is the best they can come up with? When you have Road Dogg, Bob Holly and Al Snow doing actually entertaining hardcore stuff, at least try to counter with actual hardcore stuff instead of two guys having a bad match. It might actually work. Ok not likely but it could.

JJ Dillon is in the back with Lenny and Lodi. Their contracts have been renewed by something went wrong. Apparently they’re really brothers and should have signed as such. This story just reached a new level of creepy and stupid, which I didn’t think was possible.

Hogan comes out, says he’s going back to his old ways of listening to the fans and accepts Sid’s challenge. Somehow this took five minutes.

Video on Flair vs. Sting.

Norman Smiley vs. Lodi

Lenny and Lodi hug before we get going. Lodi rakes the eyes to take over early on, only to get armdragged down. The spinning slam sends Lodi running to the floor though and it’s time for another embrace. Smiley sends him into the barricade to keep Lodi in trouble though and it’s time for the BIG WIGGLE.

Lenny seems to like the idea and does it too, allowing Lodi to get in a cheap shot to take over. Lodi rolls some suplexes for two with Smiley getting a foot on the ropes. Norman fights up but runs into an elbow to the jaw. We pause for a bit for a consultation between the brothers, only to have Lodi run into a boot in the corner. The Norman’s Conquest goes on and Norman rolls Lodi up for the fast pin.

Rating: D. So we have brothers who…..you know what? I can’t get through this sentence without feeling very wrong. It’s a shock value story and isn’t making me care about either guy any more than I did before. I can’t picture it ending well either as it’s going to get into some uncomfortable areas.

The brothers try the Big Wiggle post match.

DJ Ran.

Eric Bischoff jumps in on commentary. Yay.

Video hyping Sting vs. Flair. Basically Sting says Flair is corrupt (he is) and now Sting wants a match for control of the company.

Sting vs. Ric Flair

Bischoff goes on another rant about what he did wrong. I really don’t know what they’re trying to accomplish with these talks but it comes off like trying to make me care about Bischoff, which would work better if he actually DID something. Sting plants Robinson with a Scorpion Death Drop before the bell, meaning Mickie Jay will come out to referee. Flair looks terrified as reality begins to set in.

The gorilla press plants Flair to start and the chops have no effect. You would think ten years would have taught Flair a lesson already. Sting sends him into the corner but Ric nails a quick low blow to take over. He tries a suplex from the apron to the floor and I’m assuming you know how that turns out. Ric rolls outside and pulls Sting with him, only to eat a hard clothesline.

Back in and Sting nails a big superplex for two as Anderson makes the save. Sting nails Arn but here’s Sid to attack Sting and give us a mini Horsemen reunion. Flair slowly stomps away on Sting and puts on the Figure Four. The ropes are grabbed and Sting gets back up to no sell some more chops. He charges into an elbow though, allowing Flair to go up top. After the required slam off the top, Sting nails some clotheslines but Ric pulls the referee in front of the Stinger Splash. Anderson and Asya come in but are quickly dispatched, allowing Sting to put on the Scorpion. Bischoff comes in and accepts Flair’s submission.

Rating: C+. This was just the greatest hits from Sting vs. Flair, which is fine given that they almost always have a good match. That being said, this felt more about Bischoff’s redemption, even though no one was really interested in seeing him be redeemed anyway. The fact that these two have had what is likely to be the match of the night tells you all about the match selection on this show.

Post match Sid comes in and nails Sting before powerbombing Bischoff. Hogan runs in for the save.

TV Title: Horace vs. Rick Steiner

Let’s get this over with. Steiner hammers away on Horace to start with his usual array of brutally bad offense. Horace pulls him out to the floor but misses a splash on the barricade ala Sting. Back in and Steiner slugs Horace down again with hard shots to the face before putting on a chinlock. Horace fights up with a big boot to knock the champ outside. The referee doesn’t seem to mind the chair shots to Steiner’s back. Kevin Nash seems to mind though as he comes out to send Horace into the steps. The Steiner Bulldog retains the title.

Rating: D. Someone lock Steiner in a room so he can’t hurt any more matches. This was the usual dreadful mess with Rick in there beating up whomever he’s against and barely selling a thing. Horace isn’t much but he’s light years ahead of Rick, who somehow used to be a good hand in the ring.

Nash and Steiner touch fists post match, drawing out Hogan to ask what’s going on. Kevin says it’s personal and that’s that.

Nitro Girls.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Psychosis

We continue the search for Eddie’s wallet. Psychosis misses a charge to start and crashes into the corner, allowing Eddie to baseball slide him out to the floor. Back in and Eddie nails a quick slingshot hilo, only to eat a clothesline from Psychosis. A headscissors and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker get two Eddie and we head outside again.

Eddie is sent into the barricade to work on the ribs so Psychosis throws him back in for a waistlock. A top rope spinwheel kick drops Eddie for two and a top rope hurricanrana gets the same. Eddie blocks a tornado DDT though and grabs a quick neckbreaker, followed by the Frog Splash for the fast pin.

Rating: C-. Psychosis doesn’t get the respect he deserves as he’s actually better than people remember. He may not have been as good as the elite members of the division but he’s still more than able to hold his own in the ring. Eddie continues to look sharp since his return, but this wallet thing needs to wrap up soon so he can go somewhere else.

Villano V and La Parka run in to beat down Eddie post match until Rey Mysterio comes out for the save. Naturally former issues are forgotten and they shake hands.

In the back, Stevie Ray asks Vincent and Brian Adams to watch his back against the Triad. Adams isn’t interested because Ray should be worried about NWO business. He has a point there. Squashing Prince Iaukea on weekend C shows is serious business.

Kanyon vs. Stevie Ray

The Triad does their usual stuff but throws in some Your Mama jokes about Stevie. Ray storms the ring and destroys Kanyon with a big shoulder followed by a gorilla press and big boot. He’s wrestling like a total face so far. Kanyon ducks a corner clothesline though and hammers away, only to be thrown to the floor with ease. Stevie continues to defend his mama’s honor by sending Kanyon into the barricade and then the steps as this has been almost one sided.

Back in and Kanyon grabs a quick slam, followed by a middle rope legdrop for two. A swan dive misses though and Stevie plants Kanyon with a powerslam. The rest of the Triad comes in but Stevie fights them off with relative ease. Stevie totally botches the Slapjack, nearly falling onto Kanyon instead of jumping. Not that it matters as Page comes in for the DQ. Actually scratch that as the referee says it was a pin, even though Page hit him before the three. Ok then.

Rating: D+. Stevie looked like a monster out there but at the end of the day, there’s only so much he can do in the ring. That Slapjack was just horrible, especially when it doesn’t fit Stevie’s style. He’s a power guy but it’s really not a power move. If the skinny version of HHH can hit it, how powerful can it be?

The Triad beats Stevie down until Booker makes the save. To be fair they made fun of his mama too.

Robert Wuhl of Arli$$ joins commentary. I’ve never seen the show so I’m assuming he’s in character and doesn’t really sound this annoying.

Randy Savage vs. Kidman

There’s no Madusa with Savage for some reason. Before the match, Savage says he wants his title back and that he’s running for President in 2000. Sure why not. They trade wristlocks to start with Savage looking a bit frustrated. Savage kicks him in the ribs as Arliss is already getting on my nerves, talking about how amazing Dennis Rodman is. A headscissors and dropkick send Savage to the floor where he grabs a chair and blasts the announcers’ table.

Back in and Savage hammers away, only to get backdropped out to the floor for a big crash. That’s fine with Savage as he pulls Kidman out to the floor and chokes on the table……WITH A SLIM JIM! Ok that made up for a lot of the problems in this show. Back in again and Kidman eats an elbow to the jaw as Arliss STILL won’t shut up about Rodman. Miss Madness accidentally dropkicks Savage (at least it wasn’t the Molly Go Round) to give Kidman two. Savage pops up and piledrives Kidman into next year, setting up the big elbow.

He pulls up at two though and decks the referee, only to drop another referee. Cue Rodman in semi-drag to hit Savage in the back with his hat, sending Savage to the floor and Arliss into the ring to celebrate. I’m assuming the match was thrown out but the fans eat Rodman up because this is Chicago Bulls country.

Rating: C-. This summed up a lot of WCW’s issues in a nutshell. We had a watchable match going on, but between Arliss on commentary, Rodman coming in and the girls brawling afterwards, it was almost impossible to care about the match. On top of that, this was all to set up Randy Savage vs. Dennis Rodman? That’s the best idea they can come up with for a pay per view? Decent match ruined by WCW being unable to stop messing with things.

Security (and Tony Schiavone for some reason) comes in to break it up as Arliss makes a challenge for Savage vs. Rodman at Road Wild. Madusa comes out and brawls with Miss Madness

Clip of Vampiro beating up Konnan last week.

Konnan vs. Vampiro

Konnan babbles about cheddar before the match and slaps Vampiro in the face before the bell. Vampiro quickly takes over and suplexes him down for two before stomping away on Konnan. A spinwheel kick drops Konnan as Heenan sounds bombed. The kick to the ribs and X Factor set up a clothesline to knock Vampiro outside. Back in and a horrible looking takedown called a bulldog sets up the rolling lariat, only to have the Insane Clown Posse come in to stomp on Konnan for the DQ.

Shaggy 2 Dope drops a terrible looking “legdrop” on Konnan which seems to hurt him way more than it should. Raven is out with the clowns too. Rey tries to come in but gets laid out for a moonsault from Violent J. Let’s see: NWO, Team Savage, Rednecks, Triad, No Limit Solders, First Family, Vampiro and company and you could argue Regal/Finlay/Taylor. When you’re reaching enough factions to hold a factions tournament, it’s time to cut things down a few dozen notches.

Nitro Girls with DJ Ran.

Clip of Hogan winning the title last week.

Here’s Buff Bagwell dressed as the Cat to continue this stupid feud. I’ll gloss over the small guy with him in an Asian face mask and the fact that Buff has brown makeup on. His impression is good at least and he rips on fans for being fat. Buff promises to whip all of the Jacksons and wants to click his red shoes together three times to get out of Rockford. Eh point for a funny line. This brings out Cat and Onoo for a red shoe to the head and a Moonwalk elbow. So long Buff. It was nice having you in credability land while it lasted.

Road Wild ad.

Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn vs. Curt Hennig/Barry Windham

This could be good. Hennig takes Benoit into the corner to start but has his whip reversed so Benoit can hammer away. A dropkick to the knee puts Curt down and it’s off to Saturn for a double suplex. Back to Benoit very quickly for a double clothesline before the Crippler goes back to the knee. Kendall finally trips Benoit up to give Hennig a breather, allowing Curt to nail a clothesline and tag in Barry.

Windham hits a clothesline of his own and we take a break. Back with Barry superplexing Benoit for two as Saturn makes the save. Off to Curt for his usual, only to miss a charge in the corner. The hot tag brings in Saturn but he has to fight off all four Rednecks. Hennig rakes the eyes to get out of the Death Valley Driver but gets caught in the Crossface, drawing in the Rednecks for the DQ.

Rating: C. The match was ok while it lasted but I’m getting tired of these heel groups that keep interfering to end matches. We had it for years with the NWO and now we have it with the Triad and the Rednecks. I’m glad that they’re giving so many people something to do, but come up with something fresh. Also, did a six and a half minute match really need a commercial?

Malenko tries to make the save but gets beaten down as well. Instead SHANE DOUGLAS makes his return and cleans house. He grabs the mic and says these guys are the backbone of the company and won’t be held down like he was for years. Where he comes from, if someone is trying to stop your career, you bash them in the head with a stop sign. He’s going to take the cancer out of WCW starting tonight. Hopefully this lights a fire in the old vs. new story even though it’s already dying of frostbite from being so cold. Also, when Shane Douglas is your best hope, you might want to just pack it in now.

Nitro Girls.

Clip of Hogan winning the title last week.

Road Wild ad.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Hollywood Hogan

Hogan is defending of course. Heenan doesn’t think these two have ever had a match before. Even Hudson corrects him, saying they may have but not in a WCW ring. They circle each other for a bit before Sid drops outside. Back in and Sid shoves the champion down before Hogan does something similar, though Sid doesn’t go off his feet. A test of strength goes nowhere and Sid is sent outside again.

We’re almost four minutes into the match already and a LOUD boring chant starts up. Back in and Sid kicks at the recently injured knee but Hogan blocks a weak ram into the buckle. A bunch of right hands have Sid reeling and Hogan rains down ten punches in the corner. Hogan rakes the eyes but can’t slam him with the bad knee giving out. Sid grabs a chinlock before wrapping the knee around the post, but the TNT feed goes out for ten seconds for no apparent reason.

We come back without the announcers acknowledging the break so I can’t imagine it was intentional. Back in and Sid puts on a cobra clutch of all things but lets it go and boots Hogan down, only to miss a legdrop. Hulk Up time and he slams Vicious, only to have Nash come in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Here’s the current dilemma for WCW: their options range from trying something “new” with Nash vs. Savage and having the matches be disasters or trying something old with Hogan vs. a monster, which will be more tolerable due to Hogan being able to do that match in his sleep, but still nothing we haven’t seen a thousand times. Yes those are our only two options, because we’re not getting anyone new in the main event anytime soon.

Sting comes in for the save until Rick Steiner comes in to beat Sting down. Goldberg FINALLY returns and cleans house, sending the villains to the floor for a big staredown to end the show. Of course Nash is totally cool with Sid, who was involved in attempting to murder him about a month ago.

Overall Rating: D. I know I said they needed to get back to something more basic, but could they move past 1988? We’re really sitting through Hogan vs. tall monsters and Sting vs. Flair in 1999. That’s in addition to all the lame celebrity appearances and the ridiculous amount of factions. This wouldn’t be so bad if there wasn’t an army of young talented guys that are just spinning their wheels in nothing feuds while the old guys do whatever they feel like doing because no one is going to tell them no.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Finally, I’m holding a Holiday Special for my e-books: any two of them for just $5.  Check out the details here.

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Monday Nitro #196
Date: July 12, 1999
Location: Jacksonville Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Attendance: 7,945
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re past Bash at the Beach and the woman beater is World Champion. In a match that totally ignored the whole “Sting can pin Nash” rule, Randy Savage pinned Nash with the help of Gorgeous George, who turned on Savage and Nash in the span of about ten minutes, to win the World Title. Bash at the Beach was one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen so things have to pick up here. Let’s get to it.

Video on Bret Hart’s speech last week and Goldberg returning. I wouldn’t show highlights from last night either.

Gene brings out the new champion to open the show. Savage actually comes out alone for once. He talks about how some people just can’t accept what’s right in front of them. Gene asks about Sid and the girls but Savage says he’s a self made man and had to do this himself. The fans want Goldberg as Savage issues an open challenge to anyone but Kevin Nash.

With the fans clearly making their choice clear, here’s Hollywood Hogan and you can see it coming from here. Hogan wants to take him up on the challenge but Savage says Hogan is in the same category as Nash. Somehow Hogan has already confirmed the match so Savage finally agrees.

Savage video.

Nitro Girls.

I Hate Rap video. Good grief we get it already.

Vampiro vs. Konnan

Konnan gets jumped during his catchphrases and Vampiro kicks him down with ease. Heenan actually gives us some backstory, explaining that these two hated each other down in Mexico. Granted he doesn’t say why but that’s more than you usually get. Vampiro stomps away as Tony keeps hyping up Hogan vs. Savage. Ok to be fair, that’s actually a big deal. Konnan avoids a top rope flip dive and hits the rolling lariat. A powerbomb gets two on Vampiro and a DDT gets the same. The X-Factor plants Vampiro and they head outside so Vampiro can pelt a chair at Vampiro for the DQ. Tony of course thinks it’s a double countout.

Rating: D+. I still don’t get the appeal of Vampiro but at this point pushing anyone new is a good thing. Konnan and his stupid catchphrases getting beaten up is always a good thing and the fact that his buddies weren’t with him was even better. Nothing match due to the time but it’s a sign that they’re trying someone new.

Vampiro plants him again with the Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) post match.

Stills of Flair vs. Malenko last night. Dean gets the better one later on.

Here’s Cat for some dancing and to insult Buff Bagwell. Are you kidding? Bagwell pins Flair, has to beat Piper in a boxing match because of whatever nonsense reason they couldn’t have a wrestling match, and now he gets ERNEST MILLER? Anyway, Cat makes fat jokes about Buff’s mom, drawing Bagwell out for a rather tame response. They fight, Bagwell beats him up, Miller kicks him with the red shoe and Sonny counts a pin, complete with a bell.

Nitro Girls.

Dean Malenko vs. Ric Flair

Bischoff comes out for commentary. So Ric was too injured to wrestle last night but can wrestle tonight? That’s rather convenient. Dean has Benoit and Saturn with him as Bischoff compares David Flair to Erik Watts. Ric orders Benoit and Saturn ejected and we’re ready to go with Dean erupting with right hands and clotheslines. Ric’s chop is no sold as Bischoff actually says Nash was ripped off last night. Malenko shoves Little Naitch away and whips Ric over the corner and out to the floor.

Ric backpedals just far enough for Anderson to run Dean over with a clothesline. Another volley of chops has no effect but Arn comes into the ring for a double team. Now the chops work as Ric hammers away in the corner. Robinson looks away so Flair can get two off a low blow. Dean fights back with right hands but Ric kicks him low again. A big vertical suplex gets two for Flair and an atomic drop stops Dean’s latest comeback attempt.

Malenko backslides Ric but Anderson distracts Robinson. Same thing happens off a small package so Dean clotheslines Flair into a Flop. A missile dropkick gets a delayed two and Dean clotheslines Arn for good measure. There’s a sleeper from Ric but Dean rams him into Robinson. Another referee comes in as Flair hooks the Figure Four. Malenko turns it over but Asya kicks the referee. Robinson gets up and gives it to Flair via submission, even though Dean’s music plays.

Rating: C. More angle than a match here as the disappointment in the old vs. new feu…..it’s not really a feud anymore so we’ll call it “the old guys beating up the new guys out of paranoia and short sighted thinking” continues. Flair is one of the few guys willing to put someone over but this nonsense continues. At least the action wasn’t bad.

Sting comes out to save Dean and says Flair has been holding people down for ten years, even though Space Mountain is on Viagra. Now Sting is going to take up the fight for WCW and wants a match with Flair for control of the company. Ric says Sting has to beat David to get the match he wants, which Sting is of course fine with. So to recap: everything in the last few weeks of Bagwell, Malenko, Benoit and Saturn have been used to set up Sting vs. Flair to continue a feud that has lasted twelve years. Such is life in WCW.

Stills from the junkyard match.

Steve Regal vs. Kidman

This could be really interesting if it had the chance to have a clean ending. Regal has Finlay and Taylor with him as the announcers list off a ton of injuries from the hardcore match last night. Regal cranks on the arm to start but has to roll away from a wristlock. A nice headscissors and dropkick set up a headlock on Regal as they stay on the mat for a bit. Kidman cranks on the headlock but has to kick out of some rollups.

Back up and Regal LAUNCHES Kidman over the top for a beating from his buddies. Regal suplexes him down and puts on a chinlock as we take a break. We come back with Regal putting on a surfboard before it’s off to a hard chinlock with a forearm over Kidman’s face. Kidman fights up and counters a powerbomb (which Regal uses SO often otherwise) before getting a few rollups for two each.

Some nice dropkicks have Regal in trouble but he launches Kidman into the referee by mistake. Cue the Europeans for the beatdown but Finlay accidentally hits Regal with a chair. Kidman cleans house and loads up the Shooting Star but hits the top rope by mistake. Bischoff gets in to check on him but Kidman is goldbricking and rolls Regal up for a fast pin with Bischoff counting the pin.

Rating: C+. I was digging this match until they had the screwy ending. Was this whole thing just about setting up Bischoff doing the right thing? If that’s the case….well ok I guess, even though I’m not sure why I’m supposed to be interested. The story keeps starting and stopping, even though it could be used for someone a bit more important.

Regal yells at Bischoff post match but nothing comes of it. Eric sits down and says Kidman was setting Regal up for the small package but a replay shuts him up. This was kind of odd all around.

Nitro Girls.

Sid Vicious vs. Kenny Kaos

Bischoff hypes up future appearances by the Insane Clown Posse, Dennis Rodman and KISS. You know, because Megadeth did so well. The match is exactly what you would expect: big strikes, no sold offense, a camel/cobra clutch, the chokeslam and powerbomb for the pin in less than two minutes.

Post match Sid wants Sting.

More Nitro Girls.

We see Sting and Flair’s talk from earlier.

Sting vs. David Flair

Non-title. The Stinger Splash hits in about four seconds and the Deathlock goes on but Robinson won’t even look at David. Sting doesn’t care and beats up everyone in sight with Ric’s shots having no effect whatsoever. Ric hides behind Asya in the corner but she takes a Splash of her own. No match for all intents and purposes.

Recap of Hogan and Savage.

Gene brings out Finlay for the presentation of the Hardcore Championship Trophy. Finlay puts over Northern Ireland and insults America until almost everyone from the junkyard match runs out for a big brawl and Jimmy Hart steals the trophy.

They screw up the stills package by showing the bad tag team match before showing the actually good one.

Booker T. vs. Diamond Dallas Page

After the Triad’s catchphrases, Page sends them to the back to make this a fair fight. That’s quite nice of him. Feeling out process to start with Booker nailing a dropkick before they head outside for a chase scene. Back in and Booker nails the flying forearm and a superkick to take over again. The big side kick misses though and Booker crotches himself on the ropes, allowing Page to grab a suplex as we take a break.

Back with Page hitting a quick clothesline followed by a sleeper, only to have Booker fight out with his usual stuff. The Diamond Cutter is blocked but the referee gets bumped, allowing the Triad to come back out for a beatdown. A Flatliner from Kanyon gets two so he tries powder, only to have it knocked back into his own face. Not that it matters as Bigelow comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C. Another match that was just ok and should have been better given who was in there. Booker REALLY needs something to do right now as he’s just been hanging around for months. That being said, I’d much rather have him here than in Bagwell’s spot where he has to get beaten up by James Brown meets Dorothy Gale.

Post match the Triad tapes Booker into the corner for a beating. We cut to the back to see the NWO making fun of Booker, causing Stevie Ray to grab a chair and run out for the save. As annoying as a Harlem Heat reunion would be, it’s better than nothing.

WCW World Title: Hollywood Hogan vs. Randy Savage

Savage is defending and Hogan comes out to the Wolfpack music. Savage rakes the eyes to start and man alive do these guys look old. Some lefts and rights in the corner have Hogan in trouble but he won’t be rammed into the buckle. The champ is sent to the floor so the girls come in, only to have Hogan ram Madusa and Miss Madness’ heads together. The girls get into it on the floor but get dragged away by security.

We keep going after a good bit of stalling with Hogan hammering away in the corner. There are the ten punches in the corner but Hogan ducks his head, allowing Savage to kick him in the face. Hogan of course pops up and takes it to the floor before this breaks down into a wrestling match. Savage goes into the barricade and steps before Hogan blasts him a few times with a chair.

Now it’s over to the announcers’ table as the brawling continues. Savage hides behind George and nails Hogan in the face to take over. They head back inside for a whipping and choke with the weightlifting belt. More slow punching and whipping follows before Savage slams him down to set up the elbow. Hogan isn’t interested in no selling and just rolls away before Hulking Up. Cue Sid to jump Hogan but that’s still not a DQ. George hands Savage a chain but Sting runs in to break up a powerbomb attempt. The chain knocks Hogan out but Nash breaks up the cover and Jackknifes Savage to give Hogan the title.

Rating: D. The match actually wasn’t the worst in the world but it was a lot of standing around waiting on something interesting to happen. These two know each other so well that they’re going to have something above a disaster, but that’s really not saying much. At the end of the day, Hogan may be the same thing we’ve seen a million times, but he’s more interesting than Nash or Savage.

Post match Hogan celebrates but Nash grabs the mic. He welcomes Hogan back and asks him for a title shot, presumably at Road Wild, since he’s handed Hogan the title twice now. Hogan says it’s on to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This could have been much worse and is such a huge upgrade over last night. It’s still certainly not a good show or anything like that, but it’s enough to keep me from wanting to jump off a building like I did at Bash at the Beach. Hogan vs. Nash may not be the most interesting match, but it’s something new that doesn’t involve Randy Savage again.

However, there’s another major problem to deal with in WCW: following up on new developments. Look at stuff like Bagwell again. He’s feuding with the top heels and even pins one of them, then is losing to the curtain jerking nitwith Ernest Miller? Seriously? Or Goldberg, who returned last week and now is nowhere to be seen? Same goes with people like Torrie, who sided with Nash willingly, then ran back to David like nothing ever happened. And where did Luger go after returning for like a day?

So many stories start and are just dropped with no reasoning given, making it hard to get into anything new. This company needs a big chart or something with a reminder of who has something going on at the moment. They’re just starting and stopping stuff on a whim and it’s making it harder and harder to keep track of what’s going on around here. Granted I barely care after all the nonsense they’ve put me through but it’s still not easy.

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Bash at the Beach 1999
Date: July 11, 1999
Location: National Car Rental Center, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Attendance: 13,624
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re going in a new direction at this point in WCW as the promotion has gone from really boring to freaking insane in the course of a few weeks. A good chunk of this show was booked within the last few weeks and knowing the stories isn’t likely going to help me get through it. Let’s get to it.

I’ve actually seen this show far more often than I should as I found it at a Blockbuster for $2 when I was about thirteen. It took many years to suppress those memories but here we go again.

The opening video is a wordless montage about the four men in the main event. I mean, if there’s one story that doesn’t need a verbal explanation, it’s one about Savage and Sid trying to kill Nash and then the heroic champion kidnapping and potentially raping Gorgeous George, causing Savage to throw her out of their dressing room with a side plot of Sting potentially driving the Hummer that nearly killed Nash and then Nash changing the rules of the tag match so that anyone, including his partner, can pin him for the title. Also for some reason they air the video then show it about five more times as a very fast speed.

Tony says the tag match tonight started as a tag match. It was once going to be Sting/Nash vs. Savage/Sid in a tag team match, but it’s now Sting/Nash vs. Savage/Sid in a tag team match. No that’s not a misprint.

After those words of wisdom, Schiavone explains the junkyard match and the boxing match before throwing it to Gene for a Hotline ad.

Mike Tenay is at the junkyard, which he knows about because his sources told him where to go. Apparently there’s going to be a ring of cars with a bunch of obstacles to get around and the first person to jump over a fence and escape wins. This company is rapidly becoming more of a parody of wrestling than an actual wrestling promotion.

Video on the Cat vs. Disco Inferno. Cat had a kickboxing match with Jerry Flynn and lost via DQ so Flynn took him down in a brawl after the match. He and Disco had a dance off a week earlier, making the kickboxing stuff completely pointless.

Disco Inferno vs. The Cat

The original stipulation was the loser could never dance again but that has since been dropped. The lawyers must be working overtime as the match was announced three days ago and the stipulation was never mentioned on Thunder. Miller rants before the match and wants another dance contest before we get going. He demands that the people all vote for him or else he’ll beat them all up. Tony explains that he’ll lose because he threatened the fans because WCW thinks we’re rather thick headed. Disco dances for about two seconds before Cat goes after him and we’re ready to go.

Inferno starts like a kitchen of fire (not enough for a whole house) and sends Miller sliding out to the floor. Back in and Cat nails a few kicks, so Disco just tackles him to the mat and hammers away. Some atomic drops from Disco set up some miscommunication on what looked to be his swinging neckbreaker.

Cat comes back with a kick to the head and walks around as Sonny gets in a few shots of his own. Those are as effective as you would expect since Sonny, a legitimately accomplished karate fighter, is a manager and therefore incapable of hurting anyone. Back in and Disco grabs a quick sunset flip for two but gets his head kicked off again.

Another kick misses though and Disco legsweeps him down, setting up a middle rope elbow for two. Cat rakes the eyes and puts on the shoe, only to have Disco take it away and blast him in the face. Sonny’s distraction makes it only a two count though, allowing Cat to put the shoe back on and kick Disco for about the fifth time for the pin.

Rating: D. This really was the best thing they could think of to start a show? It’s really hard to care about a match with no build, no value and nothing beyond basic moves. The fact that it had Ernest Miller in there made things even less interesting. It’s not even a horrible match or anything, but there’s just no reason to care about something like that.

Judge Mills Lane won’t put up with any garbage tonight and will chase Bagwell or Piper if need be.

We recap the TV Title match. The video starts with Van Hammer surviving against Disco Inferno because the referee was down and a handful of tights. Then Flair saved Hammer from getting put through a table by banning hardcore matches, allowing Hammer to hit Hugh Morrus with a table and drive him through it. Somehow that earned him a TV Title shot here.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Van Hammer

Keep in mind that there really isn’t a face in this match as there’s no reason to like either guy. Steiner comes out first for no apparent reason. They trade hard shots to the face to start and Steiner is knocked out to the floor. Steiner goes into his new standard of just driving someone down to the mat and ripping at their face a lot. Back up and Rick hammers away before taking Hammer outside to send him into the barricade.

Rick hits a horrible looking DDT on the exposed concrete and covers on the floor to continue getting on my nerves. Back in and Hammer hits him low, only to have Rick punch him in the face to take over again. They head outside one more time with Hammer nailing him in the head with a chair before taking him back inside for the Alabama Slam for two. Steiner bites him between the legs, punts him in the same spot (referee just watches him) and hits the Steiner Bulldog to retain.

Rating: F. Rick Steiner has reached the point where he’s an embarrassment. Between never selling anything from a chair shot to a low blow, there’s just nothing Hammer (who isn’t the guy you want carrying a bag of groceries, let alone a PPV title match) can do. What WCW saw in him other than name recognition I’ll never know, but if someone thinks he’s skilled in the ring, they have no business being in charge of a wrestling company.

We get an overhead view of the junkyard, which really just looks like a parking lot with a bunch of cars stacked up in a circle. The winner gets a trophy but Tenay can’t answer who is going to be in the match because it’s unsanctioned.

We recap David Flair being named US Champion, meaning we just see the segment again. Again, weren’t the Flairs fighting months ago about David siding with Torrie and having his father hold him down? Now David has ten women around him (including Torrie) and his dad made him US Title. That’s a big jump in the span of five months.

US Title: Dean Malenko vs. David Flair

David is defending of course and comes out with Torrie, in a very pushed up tied off top, shirt that might be nine inches long, and a black cowboy hat. Ric, Arn and Asya are here too but Johnny Boone is refereeing. Tony says David hasn’t been impressive in all of his title defenses. You know, all one of them.

Dean of course throws him down with ease and stomps away in the corner before planting David with a suplex. Ric comes in but gets decked as Dean puts on the Cloverleaf. Anderson nails the referee with a spinebuster, allowing Robinson to take over as referee. Dean Cloverleafs Asya but Ric nails him with the US Title to give David the pin.

Rating: F. Dang it this was just long enough to grade. As I said in the Nitro review, I get the idea they’re going for here, but wasn’t there another scrub you could put in there instead of Malenko? I know Dean isn’t going to be headlining a PPV anytime soon, but he’s the kind of guy that should actually be the US Champion. This kind of story is good in the right circumstances, but WCW isn’t in a place where they can turn yet another title into a joke and keep beating their midcard guys into the ground, even in a match that doesn’t end anywhere near clean.

Long recap of the Rednecks vs. the No Limit Soldiers, complete with the full I Hate Rap video. Barry Windham is such a talented drummer that he just scares the drums into playing themselves because he certainly isn’t hitting them. This includes a lot of shouting HOOTY HOO, which amazingly enough didn’t get the rappers over. Master P. is long gone, apparently saying that there weren’t enough of “his people” in the audience for the night the angle took off. That would be in P.’s hometown in New Orleans if you aren’t big on guys who shout like owls.

No Limit Solders vs. West Texas Rednecks

Swoll, B.A., Rey Mysterio Jr., Konnan

Curt Hennig, Barry Windham, Kendall Windham, Bobby Duncum Jr.

Elimination tag, which I believe is the first explanation of the rules for this match. The best part of this: the camera comes back to the arena early, showing ring announcer David Penzer counting the fans down on when to cheer. Tony fails at covering for him by saying that he was saying hi to his five family members in the audience. The levels that this company falls to when trying to cover their mistakes is astounding. Heenan redeems things a bit by saying that the Soldiers’ problem could be solved if they just put a light in their closets. Rey and Konnan make sure to shout a lot before we’re ready to go.

Mysterio and Barry get things going with the Cruiserweight Champion getting hammered down in the corner. Rey comes back by sending Barry into the corner and getting two off a split legged moonsault. Off to Hennig vs. B.A. with Armstrong nailing a dropkick before trying to talk some trash. Thankfully that goes nowhere as it’s off to Duncum before the big Swoll comes in with a bad looking clothesline. Swoll hammers on Duncum but Kendall comes in with a cheap shot to take over.

Kendall misses a charge into the post so Mysterio comes in without a tag. Naturally the referee is fine with this. Kendall tries to beat the rules into him but Rey nails him with a springboard seated senton to knock both Kendall and Duncum out to the floor. Back in and it’s Konnan vs. Hennig before Rey hits another springboard seated senton on Hennig. Duncum and Hennig both get hammered in the corner until it’s Swoll ducking Duncum’s cross body for two in an awkward sequence. Rey adds a springboard legdrop and Swoll pins Bobby.

The other Soldiers, Chase and 4×4 (who makes Ezekiel Jackson look like David Flair) beat up Duncum in the aisle because they’re heroes. Barry and Konnan hammer away on each other until Curt comes back in for a double clothesline. Off to BA as the Rednecks keep control with Curt nailing a quick HennigPlex to make it 3-3. Mysterio tried to dive in for a save but came in too fast and basically started crawling in slow motion for no logical reason.

So it’s Konnan getting beaten down now with Kendall hitting a bad looking lariat and a slightly better looking slam. He misses a middle rope knee though and Konnan hits a rolling lariat of his own (called a DDT by Tony), followed by the facebuster for two. Rey dropkicks Kendall into a horrible “rollup” for the pin on Kendall. Barry DDTs Konnan for two as 4×4 and Chase beat up Kendall.

Everything breaks down with Barry going to the floor…..and being carried off by Chase with Konnan following. For some reason this isn’t a DQ and both guys are counted out. So it’s Hennig vs. Swoll/Mysterio. Swoll comes in for some incredibly sloppy offense as Barry comes back in. Curt tries to bail but 4×4 stops him in his tracks. Back in and Swoll hits his stupid palm strike to the chest before bringing in Rey for the Jimmy Snuka/Andre the Giant big splash off the shoulders for the pin.

Rating: C-. Swoll is horrible. Like he’s really, really bad, to the point that he can barely throw punches correctly. I understand that he was really new at this, but as WCW should have learned over the years, that’s why he shouldn’t be on a major show like this. The Soldiers continue to act entirely like heels here, just like they have for most of this feud.

The announcers chat for a bit about the rest of the card.

We get Hak’s challenge for the junkyard match.

Junkyard Invitational

Ciclope, Jerry Flynn, Johnny Grunge, Hak, Horace Hogan, Brian Knobs, Hugh Morrus, La Parka, Lord Steven Regal, Fit Finlay, Rocco Rock, Silver King, Squire David Taylor, and Mikey Whipwreck

They’re in a junkyard, first person to climb over a fence wins. The place is huge so there’s almost no way to see more than four or five people at once unless you go to a helicopter shots. Public Enemy (a surprise) flips a car over as I’m only going to be able to call big spots. There are barrels of fire everywhere. Jerry Flynn puts an electrical cord into an engine to make sparks fly out. Knobbs dives off one car for an elbow onto King on the roof of a van.

Finlay hits la Parka in the ribs with a bumper as Dave Taylor hits Morrus in the head with a trashcan lid. The annoyed look on Morrus’ face as he just keeps walking is rather amusing. The camera shots are only lasting about ten seconds at most so it’s hard to call much of anything. Jimmy Hart is running around in a yellow shirt and a hard hat. Rocco Rock is thrown into the window of a van. Morrus dives off a car with an elbow onto Rock because they’re already repeating spots.

I think Ciclope dives off a car onto about six guys before they start throwing things at each other instead of doing anything coherent. Finlay goes Captain America by blocking a punch with a trashcan lid and hitting Horace in the face with it. Brian wraps Taylor in a tire as we’re waiting on someone to try and win. Rocco and Horace make the first trip over with Horace making a last second save to keep Rock from escaping.

Silver King is bleeding from the arm as this just keeps going. Taylor has to dance out of a tire before Knobs and Hak put Finlay in a car. A forklift pops up and takes the car over to the crusher but Finlay gets out to prevent death. Of course the forklift hasn’t been seen all match until this point. Then another car blows up and Finlay climbs over the fence to win.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling, and quite frankly I’m really not sure what it was. Why in the world WCW thought this was a good idea is beyond me and I’m sure the live audience is going to be THRILLED after having sat there for fifteen minutes waiting on this to end. On top of all that, Finlay would hurt his leg soon after this at a house show (in a hardcore match of course) and be out for months, making the whole thing worthless. I can’t imagine he’s the only one to get injured in this mess either.

We recap the Triad vs. Saturn/Benoit. They fought each other, then they fought each other some more, then they had some singles matches, now they’re having a title match. For some reason we get a bunch of clips of the eight man tag from Nitro which doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, other than a boxing match. They’re trying to tie this into the old vs. new feud, which doesn’t even seem to be a thing anymore.

Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn vs. Jersey Triad

The Triad is defending. Kanyon starts on the floor as Saturn and Page slug it out in the middle. It’s Saturn taking over with a bunch of right hands before knocking Bigelow and Kanyon off the apron for good measure. Off to Bigelow vs. Benoit as the announcers call Benoit an uncrowned champion. Hasn’t he been a three time champion by this point? Bam Bam gets dropped into the middle buckle and sent out to the floor for a meeting with his partners.

Back in and Kanyon fights out of a suplex from Saturn and knees him down against the ropes. He grabs the referee to block a German attempt, only to have Benoit chop him into a t-bone. Back to Benoit for the decapitation clothesline followed by a Liontamer (which he used before Jericho). A double clothesline drops Kanyon for two more as the challengers stay in full control. Benoit stomps Kanyon down in the corner and starts in on his leg.

Saturn drops a top rope legdrop for two but Page comes in without a tag to take over, sending Saturn to the floor for a triple team to take over. Bigelow comes in for a big suplex and a falling headbutt for two. Back to Kanyon after Bigelow uses Flair’s “how much time is left” trick. Kanyon drops a leg for one of the slowest two counts I can remember in a long time. The fans get distracted by something in the crowd so Bigelow puts Saturn in a chinlock.

Kanyon comes back in but gets crotched on the top, setting up a belly to belly superplex from Saturn. Benoit gets the hot tag and goes after Bigelow, only to have Page take him down with a top rope clothesline. Page is VERY pleased with this move, running out to the floor and celebrating like a mad man, even climbing onto the barricade. Back in and Page gets two off an elbow drop before it’s off to Bigelow for some fat man offense.

Page comes in again and runs Benoit over for two with Saturn making the save. We get a front chancery from Page but Benoit drives him into the corner for the hot tag, which of course the referee doesn’t see. That wicked sitout powerbomb from Page is good for two. Benoit finally suplexes Kanyon down but Bigelow breaks up a hot tag attempt. Bam Bam misses the moonsault though and we FINALLY get the hot tag to Saturn (which the camera doesn’t catch).

Saturn cleans house with suplexes and clotheslines Page and Kanyon out to the floor. Everything breaks down again and Saturn hits a top rope splash, followed by the Swan Dive from Benoit but Page comes in off the top for the save. Saturn loads Page up with the Death Valley Driver but Kanyon throws powder in his face, only to have it get in Page’s eyes too, causing him to Diamond Cut Kanyon. Bigelow makes the save but Benoit Germans Page for a VERY close two. Page throws in a metal trashcan as the referee gets bumped. He hits Kanyon by mistake but Bigelow comes in for a 3D on Saturn to retain the titles.

Rating: B+. Give that match a less messy finish and it’s a classic. There was a lot of good stuff in here and the majority of it was due to how much time they were given. Everyone was allowed to get in there for awhile and the fans bought into the idea of two guys trying to fight against the big cheating team. They gave it a great effort and the whole thing just worked. Really good stuff here, though not enough to save this disaster of the show.

Clip of Judge Mills Lane agreeing to referee the boxing match. That’s all of the recap because there was no reason for this to be a boxing match other than Piper barely being a wrestler anymore.

Roddy Piper vs. Buff Bagwell

Big time boxing referee Mills Lane is referee here to try to make people care. In case you’ve never seen him, just picture Mr. Strickland from Back to the Future. Piper has Flair in his corner. Buff’s gloves are actually labeled “Buff’s Left” and “Buff’s Right”. Bagwell sees Flair in Piper’s corner, so he has someone to have his back: HIS MOM, “Judge Judy” Bagwell. And I give up. Seriously it was bad enough when this was boxing instead of Piper just doing a freaking job for Bagwell like he should be doing, but now BUFF’S MOM IS HERE???

Flair gives Bagwell a chance to leave but Buff reminds him of the pin off the Blockbuster a few weeks back. You know, when Flair put Bagwell over in the middle of the ring in the whole point of this entire story. The rounds are two minutes long here. Piper sticks his chin out to start until Buff hammers him into the corner. The fans are dead at this point if you couldn’t guess. Bagwell tees off on Piper (well, as much as he can BECAUSE HE ISN’T A BOXER) to end the first round.

Flair sprays something on Piper’s gloves in between the rounds as this continues to fall apart. Piper hits a few jabs to the face and Bagwell’s eyes are burning. He gets punched down in the corner as Judy brings over a sponge to try and clean Buff’s eyes out. Back up and Piper wildly swings until Buff knocks Piper down in the corner in an identical sequence from Piper vs. Mr. T. thirteen years ago, because that’s what this is supposed to be….a tribute to I suppose? Piper gets up as round two ends.

I’m going to pause for a second here and give you a bit of context to what is about to happen. Fifteen months ago, WCW was still in control of the Monday Night Wars and hadn’t lost a night in the ratings in nearly two years. Their last win was about nine months before this. Yeah they were in trouble, but it’s not like they were so desperate for something good to happen that they had to go insane. A few weeks back, Buff Bagwell hit his finishing move and pinned Ric Flair in the middle of the ring on Nitro, which should have been the start of a huge push for him. After all that, I give you the third round of this boxing match.

Piper jumps Bagwell in the corner and attacks Bagwell early, so his mother Judy gets in the ring and bites Piper’s ear. She then dumps the spit bucket over Piper’s head as Buff punches Flair off the apron. Buff goes up and hits the Blockbuster on Piper as Judy holds Flair on the apron, allowing Buff to pin Piper for the win. Judy chases the President of WCW around the ring after the match.

Rating: G. As in below an F and for GOOD FREAKING GRIEF THEY REALLY COULDN’T COME UP WITH ANYTHING BETTER THAN THIS??? Piper wasn’t capable of doing a five minute match and doing a job for Bagwell? Does WCW really think that it’s important enough to protect him from taking a fall in a wrestling match that they’ll let him take a fall in a boxing match? Read that sentence back and see how insane it sounds. Now throw in Judy Bagwell and more hijinks than an episode of Looney Tunes and you see what happened to WCW in the summer of 1999.

We recap Nash/Sting vs. Savage/Sid. Savage being a woman beater and Nash potentially raping George is glossed over. On the other hand, the Fake Sting attacking Nash, causing Nash to go after Sting, even though the real Sting came out to beat up the Fake Sting, is left out with only the Fake Sting beating Nash down being shown. For some reason Nash wanted this to be a tag team match where anyone, including his partner, could pin him for the title. Again, this isn’t mentioned in the video. We’ll also ignore Nash saying he saw Sting driving the Hummer before we see that happening in the package.

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious/Randy Savage vs. Kevin Nash/Sting

Nash is defending in what is more like a handicap fatal fourway than a tag match if that makes sense. In theory Sting can only pin Nash for the title, meaning it’s basically one on one on two. Thankfully Tony mentions the whole Sting can pin Nash and the real Sting coming out during the entrances. Yes, we’ve reached the point where Tony Schiavone is having to cover for the production team’s goofs.

George (living up to the gorgeous moniker tonight) comes out in sunglasses but takes them off to reveal a black eye as she goes to stand in Nash’s corner. The reason for the black eye isn’t explained because that really wasn’t something that should have happened, nor is it even referenced by the announcers. Savage and Sting start but Randy sees George changing corners and freaks out. Sting uses the chance to deck Savage and the fight is slowly on.

Off to Sid to face Sting as Tony explains the rules, making this match even more confusing that it was in the first place. Sting quickly knocks Sid out to the floor but Nash isn’t interested in tagging. So in theory, if Nash doesn’t get pinned, he doesn’t lose the title? It’s not like we’ve ever gotten a clear answer to that, though to be fair I doubt WCW thought it that far through. Sid and Savage start double teaming Sting with the big man putting on a bad looking camel clutch.

Savage comes in and spits at the champ, but thankfully doesn’t hit his hair. Sting finally rolls away and makes the tag to Nash for all the usual offense. He has Savage in trouble but gives Sting a very hard tag to get out. Sting takes it outside and splashes the barricade before Savage takes him back inside for some choking. Tony points out that almost no one has tries to pin Nash yet, making the whole stipulation rather pointless.

Sid hooks one of the lamest chinlocks I’ve ever seen on Sting, who is nice enough to go down to the mat in a heap. Granted he might have fainted after hearing some of the nonsense they actually aired on this show. Sting fights up again and does the falling low blow spot, allowing for the hot tag off to Nash.

Everything breaks down and the girls come in, only to have Sting splash both of them plus Sid. Savage and Nash get splashed at the same time, allowing Sid to plant Sting with a chokeslam. George gets in and low blows Nash (SHOCK AND AWE, SHOCK AND AWE), setting up the big elbow from Savage for the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. I wonder if they bothered to tell everyone else in the match about the whole Sting can pin Nash rule, because it was NEVER attempted and was a complete non factor. George’s face turn (can you even call it that?) lasted all of twelve minutes, meaning she’s picking the woman beater over the kidnapper and potential rapist. I can’t believe I just had to type that, so I’ll wrap it up by saying it’s a horrible match.

Overall Rating: F. The fact that a REALLY good twenty three minute Tag Team Title match is needed to bring this show up to a failure tells you all you need to know. This show had eight matches. One of them was a joke with David Flair needing an army to beat Malenko, one wasn’t wrestling because it was a big fight in a junkyard, and one was a boxing match. Two of the others were matches that belonged on Thunder at best, another one was a boring elimination tag, and one MADE NO FREAKING SENSE.

This show blew my mind in ways that I honestly didn’t think were possible. Just let some of this stuff sink in for a few minutes. Roddy Piper apparently can’t be trusted in a five minute match, we can’t have a DQ anymore because Rick Steiner wouldn’t be able to have a match break 10 seconds if we did, and we have to drop stipulations that are made less than three days before the match. WCW is dying before our eyes and it’s kind of amazing to see in a morbid way.

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Monday Nitro #195
Date: July 5, 1999
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 25,338
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re back in WCW’s home town now for the go home show for Bash at the Beach. At the moment there are only a few matches announced for Sunday but that’s better than we’ve been getting lately. The main story continues to be Nash stealing Gorgeous George and Savage being a psycho. Well that and the youth movement being crushed like a bug. Let’s get to it.

Opening recap of last week’s events and Savage accidentally taking Torrie back instead of George on Thunder.

The announcers do their welcome.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

There’s a raised logo, presumably for Megadeth later or some stupid WCW thing, on the ramp and Chavo falls down on his way to the ring. Nice job WCW. Juvy mocks Chavo’s history with Pepe to start and gets the fans fired up. A shoulder drops Chavo and Juvy gives us a pelvic thrust. Juvy hammers away in the corner but gets dropped throat first across the ropes. Chavo follows up but takes a Stunner to put him across the ropes as well.

An early Juvy Driver attempt sends Chavo bailing as the announcers hype up Megadeth and Bret’s appearance for the third time already. On the floor now with Chavo taking over off a dropkick. Back in and we get the Gory Stretch into a Gory Bomb but Chavo drops an elbow instead of covering.

Guerrero goes up for the “I’m going to jump straight down so I can land on your raised boots” spot before they go into a pinfall reversal sequence, capped off by Juvy scoring a German suplex for two. A slam looks to set up the 450 but Chavo pops up to crotch him. Something like a sitout brainbuster plants Juvy but Sid and Savage come in for the DQ.

Rating: C. The match was fun while it lasted but Sid and Savage are almost a guarantee to bust up matches like this on Nitro anymore. Chavo is still one of the best cruiserweights without being over the top with his high flying. Juvy is starting to be insane and it works well for him when he gets it right.

Sid, wearing the World Title belt, powerbombs Juvy to set up the big elbow. The big man grabs the mic and says they want George back and won’t be held responsible for their actions. Nash and Torrie (looking as good as she ever has in WCW, which covers a lot of ground) pop up on screen. Kevin wants his belt back and thinks he should just beat up Sid tonight, but he’s been worn out this week. They banter a bit until George comes in wearing a Nash shirt, asking if she just heard Randy.

DJ Ran.

Gene brings out Ric Flair who comes out with his son. The boss takes the mic and says that since Scott Steiner has been running around the world, it’s time we have a new US Champion. That new champion will be….David Flair, due to him beating Nash by countout last week. Little Naitch comes out with a bunch of women who are all over the new champ. This brings out Buff Bagwell as balloons fall from the ceiling. Short version: Bagwell vs. Flair for the title tonight.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Vampiro

Rick yells about beating Van Hammer this coming Sunday. The champ hammers on Vampiro like the mindless brawler he is before hitting a hard German suplex. Vampiro’s kicks go nowhere as he gets dropped with a Steiner Line. The Steiner Bulldog sets up that weird arm hold Rick has been using to end this quick.

Lenny and Lodi come through some doors with Lodi giving Lenny new tights. Lenny isn’t sure that they’ll fit but Lodi says he knows ever inch of him. The doors close to reveal the word “closet”. GET IT?

Video on Bret Hart leaving due to Owen passing away. The last shot is of an empty ring.

Here’s Bret for his first public comments in months. He’s been told he has all the time he wants so he’s going to try not to rush. Bret thanks the wrestling fans on behalf of the entire Hart Family for all the well wishes they received. WCW has given him a chance to collect himself and he appreciates that. Owen wasn’t your average wrestler and he was a great human being. Bret doesn’t think there’s anyone that can say a bad thing about him. They were the closest of all his brothers and never had a single argument.

Eric Bischoff has asked him what he wants to do but Bret isn’t sure where he wants to go with his life. The Hart Family has lived and died for wrestling and there really isn’t much left for him to accomplish. All these great athletes are retiring in 1999 and they all seem so happy. He’s afraid that his career will end in a tragedy but he just doesn’t know. Bret thanks all of his fans everywhere and all of the wrestlers he’s worked with over the years. He hopes he wasn’t too stiff and that’s about it.

Eddie Guerrero comes up to Doug Dillinger and shouts in Spanish. After switching to English, he says someone has stolen his wallet. It was a masked wrestler and Eddie wants them all lined up so he can pick out the culprit. I don’t see this ending well.

DJ Ran.

The Cat vs. Jerry Flynn

This is a kickboxing match because WCW is a stupid promotion. We have a round system with Round 1 consisting of a lot of circling and some light kicks. The fans boo this out of the building as the round ends with nothing to talk about. Round 2 starts with Cat going down to the mat and receiving a warning. Flynn tries a big kick and falls flat on his back because this is a joke. Back up and Cat hits some kicks to the ribs to knock Jerry down before a big shot to the head results in a DQ for hitting a downed opponent. Seriously, that’s the whole thing.

Flynn tackles Cat and they brawl some more. This was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever had to sit through.

Lodi vs. Van Hammer

Hammer jumps him from the start and knocks Lodi all over the place. Some jumping clotheslines and a big boot send Lodi out to the floor, where he steals Heenan’s water. Lodi is sent into the barricade but Lenny low bridges Hammer down to change things up a bit. Back in and Lodi actually busts out a hurricanrana, only to try again and get dropped onto the top rop. A superplex brings Lenny in and the cobra clutch slam ends Lodi. Total squash for the sake of unfunny comedy.

Dillinger tries to get all of the luchadors together for a show up but there are some communication barriers. Cops come in and clear things up as this is going to continue.

Gene brings out Roddy Piper because this show hasn’t gone low enough yet. Roddy agrees that rap is crap but wants to talk to Sting. Here’s a clearly fake Sting who is about an inch taller than Okerlund. Piper asks him about working with Savage but Fake Sting shakes his head no. Now Piper wants to see his real face but gets another no, earning Fake Sting a neckbreaker. Piper takes the mask off and we barely see the guy’s face.

Moving on to Sunday, Piper wants a boxing match against Buff Bagwell. Why a boxing match you ask? Well we really don’t get a reason for that but we’ve had bad kickboxing so why not bad regular boxing? If that’s not enough, JJ Dillon brings in Judge Mills Lane (a former TV judge and big time boxing referee) to referee Sunday’s fight “In California in Florida!” Lane’s words, not mine. I know this sounds stupid, but it’s not like Piper has wrestled a match in years anyway so why not just let him do nothing but punch?

Nitro Girls.

DJ Ran.

Rey Mysterio Jr./Konnan vs. Steven Regal/Fit Finlay

You know, for all the bad things that WCW did in 1999, they actually built up a nice tag division. Mysterio clarifies that HOOTY HOO is the call of the soldier. Apparently Regal and Finlay don’t approve of the soldiers and want to beat some peace into the rappers. Regal powerbombs Rey and catapults him into a clothesline from Finlay. There’s the rolling fireman’s carry as Rey is in early trouble.

The Europeans crank on a Mysterio leg each but the referee makes them break it up. Mysterio finally avoids a charge in the corner and makes the hot tag to Konnan to clean some house. Everything breaks down as Konnan does the usual, including throwing Rey into a Bronco Buster on Regal. Not that it matters as the West Texas Rednecks come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Finlay and Regal continue to work very well as foreign villains and they just look like they enjoy hurting people. The match was a way to have the Rednecks jump the soldiers and set up a match on Sunday. Who will be in that match hasn’t been announced yet but there are some combinations that could make for an interesting match.

US Title: David Flair vs. Buff Bagwell

David is defending in an angle that actually kind of works. Yeah he’s in over his head, but WCW acknowledging that he’s in over his head makes this a lot easier to sit through. Back when Erik Watts was thrown in over his head, they had to pretend he was good and it made things feel so stupid. At least here it’s making Ric look evil and corrupt and being played as an angle instead of reality.

Bagwell hammers away to start as you would expect, including planting David with a suplex. The champ finally hits a quick low blow to take over, only to run into an elbow and take the Blockbuster. Buff covers but Charles Robinson’s arm gives out. There’s a Figure Four on David but Ric and Arn come in. Buff beats them up too and puts the hold back on while small packaging Ric at the same time. Dean Malenko and Asya come in as well as this whole thing is a mess. Roddy runs out and nails Buff with something to give David the pin. Total mess but you had to expect that.

Time for Eddie to interrogate the luchadors. We have La Parka, Ciclope, Psychosis, Villano IV, a guy I don’t recognize, and Blitzkrieg. Everyone has to take their mask off but La Parka and Ciclope’s faces scare Eddie. He thinks Psychosis is a good looking guy. The guy I didn’t recognize is Cheetah Kid and apparently is Prince Iaukea under the mask. Blitzkrieg isn’t Hispanic and no one is happy with him. I’m assuming we’ll get more on this later.

The TV feed messes up and we have Hak and Chastity on a ladder. Hak was born in 1963 and started choking his doctor. He’s had to fight all his life and it’s all he knows how to do. Now he’s in WCW to get paid to fight. Hak lists off all the men he’s hurt and thinks there should be a junkyard hardcore invitational on Sunday because we can’t have hardcore matches in the arena anymore.

The rednecks come out and asks how many people here are good old boys, rednecks and people that just hate rap. They plays the song and that’s it.

Video on Savage and company.

Jersey Triad vs. Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn

Benoit runs Kanyon over with a shoulder and snaps off the Rolling Germans before we go to an early break. Back with Saturn getting triple teamed but ducking a charging Page, sending Kanyon into his partner with a clothesline. Off to Benoit who cleans house with clotheslines and a dropkick for Bigelow. He heads up but Page crotches him down and stomps away in the corner before tagging out to Kanyon. A slingshot elbow gets two on Benoit and it’s back to Bigelow for a bearhug.

Benoit actually climbs up Bigelow into a sunset flip and avoids the big sitdown splash. A double tag brings in Saturn and Kanyon with Perry cleaning house as everything breaks down. Malenko tombstones Kanyon and avoids Bigelow’s top rope headbutt, setting up a top rope Saturn splash to Bigelow, followed by the Swan Dive for the pin.

Rating: C+. It didn’t have a ton of time but you knew these guys were going to have a good match if they were given more than eight seconds. They had to give the small guys a win to set up their Tag Team Title match on Sunday, even though I don’t think Malenko has anything for the pay per view.

And now, Megadeth performs Crush Em live. After five minutes of barely understandable lyrics, the band is booed out of the arena. The lights go out and Goldberg’s voice says I’M BACK! We see his silhouette and go to a commercial. I’ll give Megadeth’s performance this though: at least their drummer was making contact, unlike Barry Windham earlier.

WCW World Title: Sid vs. Kevin Nash

Nash is defending of course but Sid has the belt itself. Before the bell, Nash tells Savage to get rid of the girls if he ever wants to see Gorgeous George again. So it’s Nash vs. Sid for that In Your House main event the world was waiting for. They head into the corner for some elbows to the challenger’s jaw followed by a running clothesline. Sid bails to the floor but Savage runs in after about a minute. The referee doesn’t ring a bell though, leaving Nash to fight off both guys. Sid decks the referee to officially throw the thing out.

Nash fights them off until Fake Sting comes out to beat him down. Cue the real Sting for the real save but Nash powerbombs him, thinking it’s the Sting that attacked him. The champ goes up the aisle and says what’s left of George is in his dressing room. Savage runs to the back and finds Torrie with George.

He gets in George’s face, demanding to know if he touched her. Savage turns to Torrie and smacks her in the face. A screaming Torrie points out that George is wearing a Nash shirt so Savage rips it off her and throws her into a hallway (George: “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???”) as the camera cuts off REALLY fast to end the show. I know I say a lot of stuff on these shows are horrible, but this was bordering on hard to sit through.

Overall Rating: D. Leaving out the disturbing ending, this was a horrible show. We’ve reached the point where WCW has gone from boring to stupid with stuff like Mills Lane refereeing a boxing match between Bagwell and Piper, two different music performances, Lenny and Lodi beating their story into your head and what felt like a comedy sketch about kickboxing. They’re on the verge of running scared at this point, but somehow this is easier to sit through than the shows from a month and a half ago.

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Today we’re looking at one of the most common wrestling characters of all time: the evil cowboy with Ron Bass.

Bass got his start in 1975 but we’ll pick things up on June 16, 1979 (my mom’s birthday actually) in Memphis.

Ron Bass vs. Pat Hutchenson

This seems to be Pat’s debut. The much bigger Bass nails Pat in the face to start and plants him with a slam. Some forearms to the back set up a suplex and a running powerslam ends Pat. Total squash.

Same territory with a better opponent at some point in 1981.

Jerry Lawler vs. Ron Bass

There’s a bit of clipping on this one but it doesn’t seem too bad. Bass is Jimmy Hart’s latest fighter in the war with Lawler. Ron takes him into the corner to start but Jerry comes back with a right hand to knock Bass to the floor. More punching ensues and Ron goes outside again. Back in and Jerry drops an elbow drop for two as Jimmy makes a save. Hart says this is No DQ which clears up the question I was about to ask.

Bass knocks Lawler to the floor and rams him face first into a chair. He does the same with the announcers’ table before a chair to the back has Lawler in trouble. We’re clipped a bit to Bass bringing in the chair for another big shot to the ribs. A swinging neckbreaker gets two and an atomic drop gets the same on Jerry. More clipping to Lawler getting all fired up and the strap comes down. A bunch of right hands drop Bass and the middle rope punch is good for the pin.

Rating: D. This was your standard “let’s punch each other a lot” matches and there’s a limit to how good those matches can be. That being said, this is Jerry Lawler in Memphis. He could sit in the ring eating a sandwich and the fans would cheer him until the end of time. That’s quite the compliment to him and this was his old standard, though the clipping made it hard to keep track of.

Some of Bass’ biggest suggest was in Championship Wrestling From Florida. Here he is at some point in Winter of 1983.

Kevin Sullivan vs. Ron Bass

Bass is a face here and has a broken hand. He hammers on Sullivan with the cast to start and Sullivan bails to the floor. Back in and a kick to the jaw sends Kevin outside one more time before Ron cranks on an armbar. Sullivan fights back up and stomps away but dives into a right hand to the ribs. Bass sends him into the buckle a few times and nails the powerslam, only to have Angelo Mosca come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Another kick and punch match here but I liked the energy they had here. It wasn’t a good match or anything like that, but just the way the crowd was going kept things moving. Bass isn’t terrible as a face, which is really odd to see after all the years I’ve spent seeing him as the evil cowboy.

Off to Starrcade 1984 with Bass in the NWA.

Mid-Atlantic Title: Ron Bass vs. Dick Slater

This is the other fallout match from the attack on Steamboat as it was Bass helping and Slater who was tied up in the corner. Bass is defending and is also half of the Mid-Atlantic tag champions with Black Bart. Slater knocks Bass to the floor to start and it’s time to stand around. Slater chases Dillon into the ring and out to the floor as we’re still waiting on any significant contact.

Back in and Slater suckers Bass into the corner before putting on the move of the night with a headlock. Back up and we go right back into the headlock as we wouldn’t want this to get too exciting. Bass bails tot he floor but gets pulled back inside very quickly. Back in and Bass rams Slater into the buckle and caught in the ropes where Bass punches him back and forth like….something that pops right back up when it goes down.

Slater comes back with some right hands and a boot over the face. After Slater is sent to the floor, Bass pounds him down but Slater starts Hulking Up. It’s short lived though as during the comeback, Slater hits the referee. Dillon comes in and gets beaten up as well but after a slam and legdrop to Bass we get the DQ.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t as horrible as some of the other matches, but again this was nine minutes of punching and headlocks. That’s one of the major problems with this show: everything is so basic and low level that it’s almost impossible to get interested in anything. Also great job here of having Slater get revenge: by losing.

From the next year’s Starrcade.

Ron Bass vs. Black Bart

This is a Texas Bullrope match and if Bass wins, he gets a five minute bullrope match with JJ Dillon, his former manager and Bart’s current manager. You win by pinfall here. Bass immediately hits him in the head with the bell on the rope and Bart is in trouble. Bart is busted less than a minute into the match and Bass pounds him in the head with the bell over and over.

Bart tries to punch his way out of the corner and gets choked with the rope for his efforts. Bass pounds in more shots to the head as we have a recurring theme to this match. Bart finally gets in a bell shot of his own to bust Ron open, but after a few more he misses a charge and goes flying to the floor. Bass keeps pounding away with the bell on the floor, including with a shot off the apron. Back inside and you can insert your own NEEDS MORE COWBELL joke here.

Bass wraps the rope around Bart’s neck and pounds away as the match somehow gets even more repetitive. Both guys fall down as JJ, clad in a tuxedo t-shirt, screams at Bart to get up. Another bell shot sets up a crotching from Bass with the rope. A HARD bell shot to the head has Bart down yet again. Ron pounds on him on the mat but has to stop to yell at JJ, allowing Bart to get back up. The Black one misses a charge in the corner though and a middle rope bell shot from Bass is enough for the pin.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t wild on this one. The big problem here is that it’s the same stuff over and over and over again, meaning it gets really dull after the first few minutes. Some of the bell shots looked great but when you have like thirty of then in an eight minute match, they kind of lose their effectiveness. Not terrible but it’s the epitome of a one idea match.

As a result of that win by Bass, we get this.

Ron Bass vs. JJ Dillon

This is a five minute bullrope match and JJ jumps Bass as the bell rings. JJ chokes away with his boot and hits Bass in the head with the bell. Then he hits Bass again with the bell. Now JJ mixes things up by hitting Bass in the head with the bell. They FINALLY do something else as JJ chokes him down with the rope, only for Bass to make a comeback and slug JJ down with the bell for a bit. A big shot to the head has Dillon down but the referee gets bumped. Bart comes back in and piledrives Bass, giving JJ the cheap pin.

Rating: F. What was the point of this again? To give Bass revenge? I guess so, but I don’t call a few shots to the head with a bell and then getting beaten up by the guy he just beat getting revenge. I’m assuming JJ dumped Bass recently for Bart, but that’s one of those things that the announcers didn’t feel was important enough to explain to us.

Bass would head to the WWF as a much more standard evil cowboy. We’ll start on Superstars, January 24, 1987.

Gladiator/Jimmy Jack Funk/Ron Bass vs. Dan Spivey/Mike Rotundo/Blackjack Mulligan

Well that’s a team for you. On an interesting note, Mulligan is the father of the man that Spivey replaced in the US Express: Barry Windham. Not sure if there’s a point to this or not but whatever. Jesse says his report on Andre and Hogan is coming next week on Piper’s Pit. You have no idea how awesome this sounds to me. Ron Bass doesn’t like Mulligan. Yeah this went nowhere thank goodness. This is mainly about Vince arguing with Ventura so it’s more or less awesome. I have no idea who the Gladiator is but Mulligan pins him.

From October 28, 1987.

Ron Bass vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is a Wrestling Challenge match here, which is the equivalent of Superstars today. I don’t recognize that commentator. One of them is Mike McGuirk (female announcer), one is Nick Bockwinkel and I don’t recognize the third. I think it’s current TNA boss Bruce Pritchard. We’ll go with that. Bass is a cowboy and gets caught with a top rope chop to send him to the floor.

Bockwinkel talks about whether or not top rope moves should be banned. Give me a break. McGuirk is talking about how handsome/good looking Steamboat is. Ok then. Bass takes over and hits a chop for two. Powerslam gets the same. Swinging neckbreaker gets countered and both guys are down. Steamboat counters a suplex into one of his own. They slug it out from their knees and then ram heads. Sleeper is countered by Bass and they go to the floor. They brawl to a double countout.

Rating: F. Horribly dull match here as both guys were in about -5th gear the whole time. Steamboat was coming back from the time off where his wife had a baby (and he lost the IC Title as a result) so maybe it was rust. This was awful though and probably the worst Steamboat match I’ve ever seen.

Bass was in the opening match at the first ever Survivor Series in 1987.

Team Honky Tonk Man vs. Team Randy Savage

Honky Tonk Man, Harley Race, Ron Bass, Danny Davis, Hercules

Randy Savage, Jim Duggan, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts, Brutus Beefcake

Honky doesn’t have Cool Cocky bad as his theme music yet which is a shame. It’s amazing how great the music got in the late 80s. After the heel entrances, Team Savage says they’re here to settle scores. This was a different time as almost all of the faces were friends by default as were the heels just because they were faces and heels. The feuds going into this are Honky vs. Savage and Race vs. Duggan. Other than that the guys are just random midcarders who are faces or heels on a team, which is a pretty cool idea.

The place erupts for Savage’s entrance. Even Jesse couldn’t deny how great Randy was and was a huge fan in his own right. It was clear they had to do something with him soon, and they certainly did soon enough. In the answer to a trivia question, it’s Beefcake vs. Hercules starting the first Survivor Series match ever. Beefcake struts a bit and not much goes on for the first 20 seconds or so.

Hercules (guess what he’s known for) runs Beefcake over but walks into Barber’s sleeper but he falls into his corner to tag in Davis, one of the lowest lever guys you’ll ever find who somehow wasn’t a jobber. He’s a wrestling referee. Seriously, that’s the extent of his gimmick. He’s a referee who cheated a lot and got fired. Savage and Steamboat (who are apparently fine after wanting to kill each other about eight months ago) take turns on Davis but Steamboat misses a charge and it’s off to Race, the current King of the WWF.

Steamboat chops Race in the head and man alive how amazing would those two be able to be in a long old school program? Steamboat skins the cat (I’ve asked this many times, but is that really the best name they could come up with for that? I mean, skinning a cat?) and sends Race to the floor before bringing in Duggan to pound away on Race, knocking him to the floor. Hacksaw heads out with him and they brawl to a double countout, making it 4-4.

Bass (a standard old school cowboy) comes in to face Roberts but it’s quickly off to Savage. A knee sends Bass into the corner and Savage is starting to roll very fast. Savage immediately goes after Honky due to the really bad blood between the two of them and it’s lets Bass get in a shot. Off to the IC Champion (Honky) who gets in some cheap shots but like any good heel, he tags out when Savage starts coming back.

Bass comes in again but a blind tag brings in Barber (Beefcake for you younguns) who hits a high knee for the elimination. Hercules comes in and the bad guys start working over Beefcake’s arm. Off to Honky with an armbar and then right back to Herc. Wisely they’re keeping that schmuck Danny Davis out of there. I guess he’s there because he works for Jimmy Hart but other than that there’s no logical reason for him to be there.

Beefcake tries to punch his way out of trouble but Honky stays on the arm. To say Honky wasn’t much on offense is an understatement as he barely looks to be cranking on the hold at all. Beefcake fights out of the hold but won’t tag because he’s kind of dumb. Davis adds the only thing he’s going to add the whole match and knees Beefcake in the back so that Honky can hit the Shake Rattle and Roll (swinging neckbreaker) for the pin on Beefcake to tie us up at three.

Off to Savage vs. Hercules with the power guy taking over. Davis comes in and things suddenly go downhill for Honky’s team. Yeah, a referee beating on Randy Savage doesn’t work. Who would have guessed? Honky comes in and gets elbowed in the head which lets Savage tag in Jake to pound away. The comeback doesn’t last long though as Jake charges into a boot in the corner and it’s off to Herc. That goes nowhere so here’s Davis and since his offense sucks (BECAUSE HE’S A REFEREE) Jake shrugs it all off and DDTs him to death, making it 3-2 (Savage/Steamboat/Roberts vs. Hercules/Honky).

Herc comes in and takes Jake down and Savage tries to come in for a save, which just allows the heels to double team Jake. Savage isn’t thinking here because of his anger, almost like…..a savage. Oh you’re very clever WWF. Honky hooks a chinlock and Hercules comes in to do the same. Jake hits a jawbreaker to escape and there’s the hot tag to Steamboat who cleans house with chops.

A top rope chop has Herc reeling and it’s off to Savage for the elbow. It’s just Honky left and Savage explodes on him, only to miss another charge (third one for Savage’s team) and let Honky get in some offense. That lasts all of six seconds as the beating continues. Jake comes in and pounds away on him, followed by Savage dropping a double ax. An atomic drop sends Honky to the floor and he’s like screw this and takes the countout. Can you blame him?

Rating: B. This was a really fun match with a good story to it. The fans HATED Honky and the idea of getting him caught at the end with no one to defend him had the fans going nuts. Honky vs. Savage was a great feud but it never had a blowoff due to a bunch of backstage stuff. Honky would somehow hold the title nine more months before perhaps the greatest end to a title run ever at Summerslam. This was a great choice for a first match ever for the concept too as it showed how the idea worked and gave the fans something to cheer about too. Really good stuff.

Here’s a match at a house show in Houston on December 10, 1987.

Ron Bass vs. Ricky Steamboat

Bass holds him off with a whip so the Dragon goes out and grabs a chair. Naturally Steamboat speeds things up and gets a quick sunset flip for two. The cat is skinned and Steamboat gets what we would call a rana for two. For some reason the cameraman wearing a Hulkamania shirt makes me chuckle. Bass takes over and gets a clothesline but walks into something like an enziguri (granted it hit the back but no one knew what it was supposed to be at this point anyway) to send Bass to the floor.

Back in and Steamboat grabs the arm to take the bigger man down. I know it’s basic but it’s about the smartest thing you can do so there’s a reason it’s that common. McGuirk is like Booker T as all she really says is an occasional move in the ring. Steamboat tries to speed this up again but walks into a hot shot to finally shift control to Bass. Piledriver gets two.

Bass hammers away with a knee drop (called Knee-monia by Doherty and making me want to take a knee to the head so I hopefully forget that joke) to the head and various other basic offense for two on a few occasions. Pretty weak swinging neckbreaker gets two. Off to the chinlock now and Steamboat’s face is all crushed up, making it look hilarious.

Here’s the comeback and Steamboat goes up for the top rope chop. Steamboat can’t keep anything going here as a clothesline takes him down again. Out of absolutely nowhere, Steamboat gets a cross body not off the ropes to end this. Surprising endings like those are always fun, especially for the live crowd.

Rating: C-. Never been a fan of Bass but it’s hard to argue against Steamboat in the late 80s. Not bad here but really just a way to kill about ten minutes. Steamboat would be gone in about five months and would head back to the NWA where he would win the world title in February of 89.

Bass also opened the show at Survivor Series 1988.

Team Ultimate Warrior vs. Team Honky Tonk Man

Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, Jim Brunzell, Blue Blazer

Honky Tonk Man, Bad News Brown, Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine

This is fallout from Warrior winning the title at Summerslam. Brunzell is subbing for Don Muraco who has left the company at this point. That’ll be a recurring theme tonight. Valentine and Beefcake starts us off, making it the second year in a row that Beefcake has opened for his team. It’s quickly off to Davis and the sleeper puts him out in less than a minute and a half. Well to be fair there’s no reason for him to be around anyway. Valentine charges right back in to continue the war of the original Dream Team, which I doubt most people would remember at this point.

Greg goes after the legs as is his custom, but since we’re only about three minutes into the match, the Figure Four is broken up. Well to be fair everyone says that Valentine doesn’t get warmed up for about ten or fifteen minutes so he’s still looking for his keys at this point. Off to the Blazer (played by then mostly unknown Owen Hart) who drops an ax handle onto Valentine, giving us the trademark slow fall.

Valentine goes for the arm (not a hammer lock which takes away the irony of it) but Blazer easily takes him down with a headscissors and brings in Brunzell. The Killer Bees were gone at this point so he’s just a guy in trunks. He’s a guy in trunks with a good leapfrog though as he clears Valentine with a lot of room to spare, only to get slammed down. Brunzell pops up and hits the dropkick but it’s off to Bad News. Sweet goodness was this guy born in the wrong generation. Imagine him after the rise of MMA, remembering that he’s a legitimate Olympic bronze medalist in judo.

Brown comes in like the headhunter he’s known as and kills Brunzell with a clothesline. Brunzell tries some basic stuff so Brown kicks him in the chest and beats on him in the corner. Brunzell misses a charge in the corner and the Ghetto Blaster (enziguri) gets the easy pin to tie things up. Brutus comes in and grabs Brown so Houston, one of the least intimidating guys ever, can come off the top with a double ax.

Houston misses a charge in the corner and Brown pounds on him like a stupid looking dancing white boy. A clothesline takes Houston’s head off and here’s Valentine. Make that Brown again and Valentine accidentally hits Brown. That ticks off Bad News and he walks off. That’s not a face turn. He just didn’t like anybody. Houston tries to steal a pin on Valentine but Greg is like boy please.

Off to Bass in a match that I think happened before in the NWA. A rollup gets two for Houston but he charges into another boot in the corner. That’s a popular move in this match. A middle rope cross body gets two for Sam and a forearm from Bass takes his head off for two. Houston’s monkey flip is countered into a powerslam and he’s gone, thank goodness. The guy is just not interesting or good at all.

Warrior comes in to fire the crowd up and attacks everyone left on the other team (Valentine, Bass and Honky vs. Warrior, Beefcake and Blazer at the moment). Honky comes in because he’s not that bright and there he goes, flying through the air off a shoulder tackle. Off to Bass who gets slammed down and hit with a Rocket Launcher from Blazer. Honky comes in and is cross bodied down immediately. A monkey flip and dropkick have Honky in even more trouble so it’s off to Valentine.

Owen gets crotched on the head of Valentine during a leapfrog but apparently Blazer has balls of steel because he suplexes Valentine down and drops a knee for two. Blazer goes up but Honky shoves him off, sending Owen down onto his knee. The Figure Four means a quick elimination by Valentine and we’re down to 3-2. Off to Beefcake vs. Valentine and Jesse mentions that these guys were not only a team but tag champions. Why is that such an afterthought?

Off to Bass who also has history with Beefcake but that isn’t mentioned here, despite it happening like three months before this. A headbutt keeps Beefcake down and it’s back to Elvis Man. His contribution is ramming Beefcake’s head into Bass’ boot and tagging in Valentine. Well no one ever accused him of being a ring general. After Warrior charges in like an idiot, it’s back to Honky for Shake Rattle and Roll, but Brutus backdrops out of it to start his comeback.

Back to Bass who hits a top rope clothesline to keep the advantage and brings in Honky who goes up. Beefcake punches him in the ribs because Honky is about as fast as Arn Anderson at going to the top. Beefcake wins a slugout and we get the eternally funny selling of an atomic drop by Honky. There’s the sleeper but Man dumps them to the floor and they fight to a countout.

This leaves us with Valentine and Bass vs. Ultimate Warrior. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. A double clothesline puts Warrior down but Valentine can only get two. More double teaming works for a bit but Warrior gets to the ropes and starts shaking. Another double clothesline doesn’t work and an ax handle each gets the two pins to make Warrior the sole survivor.

Rating: C. Not the best match in the world but for a midcard match it was fine. Warrior was insanely over here (as well as insane in general but that’s another talk for later on) and the fans erupted for his comeback at the end. The rest of it is just ok and there’s nothing wrong with that. This was the right choice for an opener though.

Bass’ last feud in the WWF was with Brutus Beefcake, capped off with this match at Saturday Night’s Main Event XIX.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Ron Bass

This was a fairly brutal (for its time) feud as Brutus had cut up Bass’ whip so Bass had used his boot spur on Brutus’ head, cutting him badly. They put a big red X on the screen with the word censored over it, even though Brutus moved around and you could see the cut anyway. That cost Brutus the IC Title shot he had at Summerslam. This is hair vs. hair.

I don’t think they’ve both been in the ring for more than 30 seconds yet. It’s pretty much all Brutus at this point and you know what happened because I said that. Bass gets a nice piledriver. There’s very little to this match at this point. Bass takes forever to go for the pin and after arguing with the referee he walks into a sleeper and of course he’s out in about 4 seconds.

After the commercial he cuts the back of his hair as Bass is apparently out cold for about 5 minutes from a 4 second sleeper. Dang he actually did cut it. Always nice to see them actually do what they’re supposed to do. Perfect timing that he wakes up just when the haircut is over isn’t it?

Rating: D+. This was pretty weak but not awful I guess. This was your run of the mill thing but Bass was your standard heel and Beefcake was WAY over so it works out fine I guess. This was ok for an opener and it does give a blowoff to the feud so it served its purpose in that sense.

Like I said, Bass isn’t exactly the most interesting character in the world but the mid 70s were a different time. He was good enough at what he did to stay employed and that’s more than you can say for a lot of wrestlers back then. That armless Pedigree finisher of his wasn’t half bad.

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Thunder
Date: July 1, 1999
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

We’re into the second half of the year now and hopefully things are going to pick up. After Monday, we have Kevin Nash with Torrie and Gorgeous George and having beaten up eight or so men at once to close Nitro. However, Sting was seen behind the wheel of the Hummer to end the show, but Sting is a weird dude so it could mean a lot of things. Let’s get to it.

We open with the ending of Nitro.

Megadeath will be performing Crush Em live on Nitro.

Bret Hart will be on Nitro for his first comments in months.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Perry Saturn

Saturn jumps Kanyon on the floor before the bell as we hear about Savage and Sid leaving with the belt itself to close Nitro. Page tries to jump Saturn but gets caught in an overhead belly to belly. A Kanyon distraction sends everyone out to the floor and Saturn keeps his control. Back in and Saturn dropkicks knocks Kanyon off the apron, only to get knocked off the apron from behind. Kanyon gets in some cheap shots and things slow down again.

We take a break (and see part of the Crush Em video) and come back with absolutely nothing different. A powerslam plants Saturn but Page takes his sweet time following up. It’s off to an abdominal stretch with Kanyon helping in an old classic sequence. After a hiptoss breaks the hold, Saturn ducks the discus lariat and superkicks Page down for two.

Back up and a Batista Bomb gets the same on Saturn but he breaks up the Diamond Cutter, only to bump the referee at the same time. Kanyon comes in and wraps a title belt around the turnbuckle. Saturn goes after him but gets dropped onto the title, giving Page a very close two count. Cue Benoit for a Swan Dive on Page but Kanyon pulls the referee out at two for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Gah I was getting into that one before the ending. That’s pretty much the only thing they could do though as you want to keep both teams strong going into the title match at the PPV. It’s frustrating but I’d rather have them do this than have a challenger lose his momentum or a title made weak.

Benoit takes out Kanyon with a suicide dive but Bigelow comes out to make it 3-2. Benoit and Saturn get destroyed, which doesn’t bode well for their title match.

No Limit Solders vs. Disorderly Conduct

That would be B.A. (Brad Armstrong) and Swoll (picture an even bigger Ahmed Johnson with even less talent) vs. Mean Mike and Tough Tom. Swoll shoves Mike down with ease to start and we get some standard “I’m a big guy with huge muscles” offense including move shoves and slams for both Conducts. Off to Armstrong for a dropkick but Mike pokes him in the eye to take over.

That’s still not enough though as Armstrong dropkicks Tom and cranks on a headlock, only to be whipped into a knee from Mike to really change control. An ax handle to the back and a jawbreaker have Brad reeling and a neckbreaker is good for two. Disorderly Conduct starts some fast tags before Mike goes up and misses a knee drop. Swoll comes in off the hot tag and cleans more house as everything breaks down. Armstrong is whipped into Tom in the corner, setting up a palm strike to the chest to give Swoll the pin. Yeah the guy is about 6’6 and 340lbs and his finishing move is a palm strike.

Rating: D. Basic tag match here but I’m not sure how to feel for Armstrong. He was a talented guy but the only way he could get out there is to carry this guy due to the powers of nepotism (Swoll was Master P.’s cousin). On the other hand, it’s better than sitting at home and never getting on TV.

La Parka vs. Eddie Guerrero

The camera makes sure to get a shot of a guy in an LWO shirt. They’re actually trying for some continuity on this story and I’m digging it for a change. La Parka goes after him in the corner to start but Eddie is too quick for him. They send each other into the corner before Eddie tosses Parka out to the floor, following him out with a big dive. The announcers finally stop talking about Megadeath and Bret Hart for a second but the dive only has so much power.

La Parka is sent into various metal objects before going back inside. Eddie misses the slingshot hilo but nails La Parka in the back of the head before slingshotting onto him for two. We take a break and come back with La Parka firing off some hard kicks to Eddie’s back. He shouts into the camera that the LWO is dead, which I thought was a foregone conclusion. A chinlock goes nowhere so Eddie nails his tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to send La Parka rolling to the floor, where he picks up the chair.

Eddie follows him out and takes a chair shot to the ribs, which the referee doesn’t seem to mind. Back in and we hit a variety of chinlocks and chokes, followed by a belly to belly to put Guerrero down. He’s not down enough for La Parka’s corkscrew moonsault though and the crash lets Eddie run to the top for the Frog Splash and the pin.

Rating: C+. Eddie has been on a roll since he got back and this was no exception. This is what was always fun about the cruiserweight division: even the second and third string guys were capable of having a good match when they were given the chance. It’s a nice little TV match and that’s more than you usually get out of this show.

Savage is freaking out when his phone rings. We cut to Kevin Nash on the other end, getting a massage. Savage wants Gorgeous George back so Nash tells him to go to 16^th and Norfield in 14 minutes and wait by the pay phones. The look on Savage’s face is priceless as he’s just stunned that this is happening.

This Week In WCW Motorsports.

I Hate Rap video.

Silver King/Villano V/El Dandy/Damien vs. West Texas Rednecks

Barry quickly sends Silver King into the corner to start but misses a charge and eats a missile dropkick followed by a superkick. The Undoubtable El Dandy and Kendall come in with the less famous Windham hammering away and getting two off a backslide. Villano comes in with a clothesline to Kendall, sending him over to tag in Bobby.

Duncum takes a quick beating but it’s off to Damien vs. Hennig as the fast tags continue. Curt chops away in the corner and nails the knee lift. Damien tags Dandy back in for a jam up right hand to Hennig to take over. The luchadors start quadruple teaming Hennig until everything breaks down and Kendall grabs a bulldog on Damien for a pin.

Rating: C-. Not as bad as I was expecting here as they kept this moving. I’m glad they went with this formula too as there was no real need to have the Rednecks beat up a luchador for awhile or waste a lot of time in trouble when the ending is totally obvious. Nothing match but it could have been much worse.

Savage gets to the payphones and tries to figure out which one is ringing until he realizes it’s his own cell phone. Nash gives him a bunch of directions to tell Savage where to find him (two blocks down from Quick Pick in whatever city this is taking place in). Savage trying to remember all this is amusing.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Blitzkrieg

It’s a rare defense for Mysterio. We get the usual catchphrases from the No Limit Soldiers, including Armstrong in a bizarre moment. Feeling out process to start until Blitzkrieg runs into two boots in the corner and gets backdropped out to the apron. He misses a springboard spinwheel kick but catches Rey in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a near fall. A headscissors puts Blitzkrieg on the floor for a baseball slide, only to have him catch a diving Mysterio in a powerbomb on the floor.

We head back inside for some moonsaults and chinlocks from the challenger before Rey catches him in another tilt-a-whirl backbreaker (far too popular a move in this company). Blitzkrieg comes back with a clothesline but misses a springboard knee. Rey hits a kind of Stinger Splash in the corner but runs into a second clothesline. A dropkick knocks Blitzkrieg out of the air and the top rope hurricanrana retains the title.

Rating: C. This was back to the old “I do a spot then you do a spot then we both do a spot” formula that dominated the division for so long. It also furthers the idea that Blitzkrieg really wasn’t anything special in the ring and was much more flash than substance. Mysterio needs to drop the title already though as he’s completely outgrown the thing and it could be used to elevate someone else.

Savage’s Hummer pulls up on a street corner and Nash’s limo arrives a few seconds later. Nash gets out and talks about how sweet George is. Sid and Savage jump Nash until a clearly fake Sting breaks a ball bat over Nash’s back. Sid takes the girl in the back seat (clearly Torrie) and puts her in the Hummer as Nash is left laying.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell

We get the usual catchphrases from both until Steiner nails him in the back with a dog collar. They head outside with Rick piledriveing on the concrete and hot shotting him onto the barricade. Back in and Buff nails a dropkick and neckbreaker because being dropped head and throat first onto concrete and steel don’t have any real effect on him. Buff gets knocked to the floor as we take a break and get to see the rest of the Crush Em video. Yeah remember that from an hour and a half ago?

Back with the champ choking with his chain and then putting on a chinlock. Again, why do we even bother with referees in this company anymore? Rick punches him in the neck a few times and we’re right back to the chinlock. After a minute or so of that, we switch to a reverse chinlock to keep things fresh. Buff fights up after two arm drops but Rick stops the comeback after about eight seconds. He puts Bagwell on top but gets kicked away as Buff loads up the Blockbuster. Not that it matters though as David Flair comes out to tase Buff (again, WCW referees are WORTHLESS), giving Rick an easy pin.

Rating: D. Again, why in the world is Rick Steiner getting this kind of a push? He doesn’t do anything other than punches and hard rest holds but for some reason he’s spent months as the TV Champion. Speaking of Steiners as champions, has Scott been seen since he beat Buff at the PPV a few months back? Also, this drops Buff to 1-3 since he pinned Flair in the eight man tag, with the one win coming via DQ and being followed by a beatdown from Sid and Savage.

Savage opens the car door and finds Torrie because Nash is not only able to beat up eight guys at once and leave with the girls, but he’s SMART too!

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling, save for the main event which was barely wrestling, was tolerable here and it brings the show up a bit. The Nash and Savage stuff is straight out of a low budget movie, which could be a good or bad thing based on your taste. However, at the end of the day we’re looking at yet another horrible main event match at Bash at the Beach because no one EVER breaks into the main event around here. The old vs. new story looks to be dead at this point with the new generation shoved back down the card to where they have been forever now. At least Piper and Flair can draw though and that’s what matters.

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Monday Nitro #194
Date: June 28, 1999
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 16,210
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’ve got two shows left before Bash at the Beach and the big story tonight is Ric Flair having some sort of a big surprise for World Champion Kevin Nash. The last week of shows was better than the stuff they’ve been putting on lately, although that really doesn’t cover much. You never can tell what sort of nonsense you’re going to get on here so let’s get to it.

The Flairs arrive with the owner of the United CenterBruce McArthur. He offers to build a statue of David Flair bigger than the one of Michael Jordan.

Nitro Girls.

It’s Nash vs. Flair tonight. David Flair that is.

Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn vs. Fit Finlay/Steven Regal

Fallout from Thunder where Regal returned and yelled at Finlay and Dave Taylor, who is on the floor for this one. Regal rips on America before the match starts like a good villain should. Finlay cranks on the arm to start but Benoit takes his head off with a clothesline as we take a quick break. Back with Finlay sending Regal to the floor before dropping him throat first over the top rope.

Off to Regal as we hear about a dance off later in the show. He works on Saturn’s arm for a bit but walks into a belly to belly. Regal tags in Finlay for a sleeper, only to have Saturn counter into one of his own. Regal draws in Benoit like the old villain he is, allowing him to hit Saturn in the back with the British flag pole. We get a double tag and Benoit runs Regal over with clotheslines and a suplex sets up the Swan Dive. Finlay makes a save and Regal puts Saturn in the Regal Stretch, only to have Benoit make the save, setting up a Death Valley Driver for the pin on Regal.

Rating: C+. Would you expect these four to have anything bad? Regal is every bit as awesome as he used to be with the little heel mannerisms that you only get from a veteran. It’s nice to see Benoit and Saturn get a win to help set up their match at the Bash because they probably don’t have much of a chance there.

DJ Ran.

Van Hammer comes in to see the bosses and would like a title shot. His reward: a TV Title shot against Rick Steiner at the PPV.

Gene brings out the bosses minus Piper for some reason. Why Anderson has changed his clothes since the last segment isn’t really clear. Flair rips on the crowd with the old standard sports lines before Piper comes out and does exactly the same. Piper rips on Howard Stern in his weekly story that most people don’t care about. Apparently the power structure around here won’t let Ric be the World Champion again so David is going to do it in his place. The title match is happening tonight and it’s going to be a lumberjack match.

This brings Flair to Randy Savage, who he’d like to see out here right now. Savage, Sid and the girls come out and Flair wants them all to be lumberjacks. Ric sweetens the pot a bit by offering to reinstate the elbow. Little Naitch protests and is basically told to shut up. Savage rambles a lot before accepting.

Lodi teaches Lenny Lane to paint his nails. Lenny asks when WCW is going to find out about them but Lodi says they’re not the only ones. Lodi: “You got me babe and I got you.”

Lodi vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie pounds away to start but Lodi sends him into the referee in less than thirty seconds. Lenny comes in and gets dropkicked down as Eddie armdrags Lodi at the same time. A brainbuster plants Lodi and Eddie loads up the Frog Splash, only to have Lenny crawl on top of Lodi. That’s fine with Eddie who splashes Lenny’s back and pins Lodi. Uh….comedy?

Torrie, David and Piper are in the back and recruit the Triad to be lumberjacks.

DJ Ran.

Nitro Girls.

Here’s Hak to ask if fans want to see him get extreme. Remember that Flair banned hardcore matches on Thunder a few weeks back. Hak wants Flair out here now but gets Bigelow instead.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Hak

Bigelow jumps Hak to start and splashes him in the corner, only to run into a boot. Hak clotheslines him out to the floor but his plancha is easily caught, allowing Bigelow to ram him into the post. Back in and Bigelow keeps using the fat man offense, only to miss the top rope headbutt. Not that it matters as Hak misses the swanton but comes back with a swinging DDT. Cue the rest of the Triad but Hak nails them with the stick and gives Bigelow the White Russian legsweep. Page comes in for the Diamond Cutter to give Bigelow the pin.

Rating: D. So now it takes three people to beat HAK? I’m not sure why they bothered to get rid of the hardcore matches as it leaves guys like him to try and work a regular match which just isn’t going to happen. He hit a nice DDT and that’s about the extent of wrestling Hak seems capable of doing. Why sign him if you’re going to take away the only thing people like seeing him do?

Here’s Nash with something to say. WCW still doesn’t want him as champion and his only friend is at home in Orlando. However, he’ll put up the title tonight with the stipulation that if he wins, he gets Torrie for 72 hours. He doesn’t need a week you see because after 72 hours with him, Torrie will be ruined.

DJ Ran again.

NWO vs. West Texas Rednecks

Sure why not. That would be Stevie/Vincent/Brian Adams/Horace. It’s Barry vs. Adams to start with Windham slapping him in the face. An armdrag sets up a DDT from Barry but Adams presses him into the air, only to have Barry slip out and roll him up for two. Off to Hennig vs. Stevie with the big man running over Curt and stomping away in the corner.

Kendall comes in and takes a clothesline before it’s off to Vincent for a stomping of his own. Off to Horace who is quickly caught in the Redneck corner. Hennig comes in for his running kneelift before Barry nails a top rope clothesline. Bobby kicks Horace in the face but Adams trips him up, allowing for the hot tag (?) to Vincent. Everything breaks down and a double bulldog to Vincent is enough for the pin.

Rating: D. Who books an eight man all heel tag match? The NWO hasn’t wrestled together in months and I have no idea why they’re even a thing anymore. The Rednecks are an interesting idea and the song is incredibly catchy, even though booking them as heels isn’t a good idea. It helps that we didn’t have to hear Master P. shouting like an idiot this week though.

Time for a dance contest between Disco Inferno and Ernest Miller. The Nitro Girls are the judges to try and make this not horrible. Scratch that as we’re going by fan applause, making the Girls pure eye candy. Miller says he could beat Jerry Flynn too, likely setting up a run in. Ernest does his usual routine, Disco does his usual routine, Miller jumps Disco and we’ve got a match.

The Cat vs. Disco Inferno

Disco is in trouble to start but makes a quick comeback with an atomic drop and dancing middle rope elbow. Cat comes back with chops and kicks before sending Disco outside for kicks from Sonny. Back in and Disco hits a Chartbuster out of nowhere but takes forever to cover, allowing Sonny to come in. That goes badly for Cat too as Sonny hits his man but slips him the red shoe. Miller knocks Disco sillier but Jerry Flynn runs out for the no contest.

Flynn wants a kickboxing match with Miller next week. We just spent five minutes setting up kickboxing with Jerry Flynn. This show is done.

DJ Ran.

Tag Team Titles: Buff Bagwell/Dean Malenko vs. Jersey Triad

Flair and company come out to the announcers’ table and announce Anderson as referee for the main event tonight because he’s still not over the NWO parody of his retirement. Bigelow starts on the floor as Malenko rolls up Page for some fast two counts. Off to Bagwell vs. Kanyon with Kanyon mocking Buff’s dance in a funny bit. Buff nails a quick atomic drop and a swinging neckbreaker before it’s back to Dean. Malenko sunset flips Kanyon but Page gets a blind tag and nails Dean to take over.

Bigelow comes in for a 3-1 beatdown with Kanyon hitting a middle rope legdrop for two. Page gets the same off a tilt-a-whirl slam and we take a break. Back with Page clotheslining Malenko for two, only to have Dean escape a tilt-a-whirl slam and make the hot tag to Buff. Bagwell cleans house on the legal Kanyon but Bigelow grabs his leg to break up the Blockbuster.

Bigelow and Kanyon take turns on Buff before it’s off to Page for an elbow drop. Buff crawls around the ring but finally grabs a sunset flip for two. Malenko tags himself in but the referee goes down quickly. Everything breaks down and Buff Blockbusters Kanyon, only to have Bigelow come in for the double Diamond Cutter to pin Dean.

Rating: C-. Take pretty much every Triad match so far and you have the same thing here. The young team gets beaten down again, the old guys rule the day and the fans are punched in the ribs again. That’s basically WCW in a nutshell at this point, as the young guys continue to look like nothing next to the veterans.

We get the world premiere of the I Hate Rap video. This is still awesome and Curt Hennig is still the only West Texas Redneck from Minnesota.

Sid Vicious vs. Scott Putski

I really don’t see this going well. Sid has Savage and all three girls with him and takes nearly two minutes to get to the ring. The bell rings and there’s no contact for over a minute. The girls get on the apron and the guys haven’t touched each other in the first ninety seconds. The girls keep rubbing Scott’s back from the apron until Sid FINALLY hits him after nearly two minutes.

In the span of another minute, Sid hits him about five times while the fans are very bored. A snapmare puts Putski down and the chant turns to Goldberg. The chokeslam plants Scott but Sid would rather walk around than cover. The powerbomb finally ends it after nearly five minutes.

Rating: F. If they were going out there and trying to tick the fans off, they’ve succeeded at something for the first time in months. This was a match that should have lasted thirty seconds but instead Sid stood around and yelled for minutes at a time after having the longest entrance this side of Undertaker. Why even bother with the match at this point?

Post match Savage and Sid say Nash is next and Randy drops an elbow on Putski. Somehow from the time Scott’s music hit to the time they went to a break was ten minutes long. Does that look like a ten minute segment to you?

Nitro Girls.

WCW World Title: David Flair vs. Kevin Nash

Lumberjack match with Arn Anderson as referee and Savage, Sid, the girls, Ric, Piper and the Triad around the ring. David even has one of his dad’s robes for a nice touch. The announcers already start talking about how Nash is up against the wall and the lumberjacks all come in to go after him. Nash is quickly down in the corner as David bails to the floor. Arn of course has something in his eye this whole time but gets it clean as David puts on the Figure Four for a two count.

Nash wakes up and hammers away as the beating is on in a hurry. He hits all the usual stuff as the lumberjacks come in again. Nash of course fights off ALL OF THEM and takes a taser away from David. The villains are shocked and Nash kidnaps Gorgeous George as Torrie leaves willingly with Nash.

The three of them go to the back towards Nash’s limo but see a Hummer. Sting’s face can be seen in the mirror and Nash sees him before leaving in the limo with the girls to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. So let’s look at the last half hour of this show. We have a ten minute Sid vs. Scott Putski match and Kevin Nash fighting off eight men and getting to leave with two gorgeous blondes. I’m sure the latter has nothing to do with him being the booker whatsoever. Over on Raw, Steve Austin was beating the Undertaker for the WWF Title in the highest rated match in the history of Monday Night Raw. This week felt like WCW was actively trying to lose and that isn’t a good sign as we head into the second half of the year.

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