This is another request and since it’s taking forever to download some TNA shows, I figured I might as well knock some of these off in the meantime. This is the King of the Ring tournament so it’s a three hour special. Almost everything you have here is a tournament match, plus an eight man tag and a REALLY stupid other match. Let’s get to it.

Theme song gets us going. It’s still Papa Roach.

We open with Lillian telling us that the tournament is back tonight.

King of the Ring First Round: Chris Jericho vs. MVP

Jericho is IC Champion and MVP is US Champion. There’s no bracket yet and even JR and Lawler haven’t seen them. I don’t mind a champion losing so much here as one of them gets to look stronger. This is also the go home show for Backlash, which is a show I haven’t done yet. MVP takes him to the mat to start but Jericho comes back with some knees to the head and a kick to the same area.

MVP punches him in the corner as this is off to a hot start. Jericho drapes him over the top rope and mostly misses a baseball slide to the floor. MVP catches him coming back in with a knee lift and a kind of clothesline for two. He hooks kind of a modified abdominal stretch on the mat but Jericho gets up pretty quickly. Overhead belly to belly puts Jericho down for two. They do the Flair bridge up into a backslide spot which gets a good reaction in Horsemen country. Big boot gets two for MVP. Jericho comes back with a clothesline but the Lionsault misses. Play of the Day is countered into the Walls and Jericho advances.

Rating: C. Very basic match here but with a one night tournament you have to keep things that way. Again I don’t mind MVP losing clean here because it was to another champion and on top of that he would drop the title on Sunday anyway. Not much to see here but it was fine all things considered.

Jericho sits on the throne post match.

King of the Ring First Round: CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy

Punk has the MITB case. Feeling out process to start but it turns into a strike off, won by Punk. He takes Matt down for two and hooks a quick chinlock. Matt comes back with some headbutts and drives an elbow into Punk’s back off the middle rope. Matt’s bulldog is countered into the clothesline and bulldog out of the corner for two. Punk’s springboard clothesline is caught in the Side Effect for two. Twist of Fate is countered into a GTS which is countered into a sunset flip which is countered by Punk sitting on Hardy for the pin. Nice ending.

Rating: C+. Another short match here but this one was a little more fun than the previous one. The ending was pretty quick and that’s a good thing as it was certainly entertaining for a four minute match. Punk was on a roll at this point and he would win the world title in about two months. Matt would get the US Title on Sunday.

All we have as far as a bracket is Jericho vs. Punk in the semi-finals.

Tonight it’s Barack Obama vs. Hilary Clinton. That’s the really stupid match I warned you about. We see it in Smackdown vs. Raw 2008 for a preview.

We get a clip from Raw last week of HHH vs. JBL when Orton ran in and HHH got double teamed. The fatal fourway on Sunday (those three plus Cena) is now an elimination match.

JBL says this Sunday he’ll take his place on top of the WWE. He was in the New York Times today.

King of the Ring First Round: Finlay vs. Great Khali

Khali is having issues with Big Show around this time. Horny is at ringside of course. Finlay charges at Khali but gets shoved down almost immediately. Khali shoves him down but misses a legdrop. Finlay pounds away but Khali shrugs him off and sends him to the corner. Horny comes in with the club but Finlay saves him. The chop puts Finlay down and Khali wraps Finlay’s leg around the post…..for a DQ? Apparently so. Too short to rate but this was nothing of note.

Big Show comes out but Khali won’t go for him until Sunday.

Finlay is helped out because of the knee attack.

King of the Ring First Round: William Regal vs. Hornswoggle

Twenty seconds, Regal Stretch. Finlay comes in to help but Regal beats him down and attacks the knee. Regal is GM at this point so shenanigans seem to be up.

The brackets are set for the semi-finals:

Jericho
Punk

Finlay
Regal

Video on the annual post Wrestlemania European tour.

Here’s Shawn for a little chat. Apparently Batista isn’t happy about Shawn retiring Flair at Wrestlemania so Shawn wants to talk about it right now. They have a match on Sunday with Jericho as referee for no apparent reason, although it would set up a six month feud between Shawn and Jericho. Here’s Batista and Shawn if Batista wanted to face Flair at Mania, which is what Jericho suggested on Smackdown.

Batista asks if that would make Shawn feel better. This isn’t about Flair anymore, but rather about Big Dave and Shawn. He respects where Shawn is, but not how he got there. He’ll finish this with Shawn at Backlash. Shawn appreciates the honesty but he’s everything Batista says he is. Whether Dave likes it or not, Shawn is Mr. Wrestlemania and there definitely is blood on his hands. Batista is going to need luck on Sunday. Shawn goes to leave but Batista spins him back around. Shawn gets into superkick position but Batista just walks past him and leaves.

Hilary Clinton gives the kind of promo/speech that a famous person gives when they talk to a wrestling audience that they don’t understand. This one isn’t terrible though as she mainly talks about how she’ll fight for America and lists some of her issues. It’s very corny, but I’ll give them points for at least talking like this. Obama and McCain will talk later.

Hardcore Holly vs. Carlito

Just….why? Oh this is something to do with the tag titles. Holly and Rhodes are champions coming into this. Carlito has his partner Santino with him. Feeling out process to start with Holly mainly in control. Carlito comes back with a backbreaker for two. Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. Carlito works on the back some more but misses a charge. Holly makes his comeback with clotheslines and the dropkick but his back gives out. He loads up the Alabama Slam but his back gives out again. Backstabber gets the pin.

Rating: D. This wasn’t much. This would presumably set up the match on Sunday but it didn’t happen for some reason. Then again, no one cared at all about the tag titles so it’s not like anyone cared. This was really just a breather to allow everyone to transition from the first half of the show to the second.

HHH says he’ll win.

King of the Ring Semi-Finals: Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk

Both guys are tentative to start but both get quick twos. The first big move is Jericho draping him over the top rope out of a suplex. Punk tries a springboard but Jericho kicks his legs out and Punk is in trouble. Jericho tries a hammerlock but Punk takes his head off with a clothesline for two. They trade rollups like at the end of Punk’s other match but no one gets a pin. Walls are countered into a rollup for two.

Jericho hits an enziguri for two and this is getting good. Punk snaps off a powerslam for two. GTS is countered into the bulldog and Jericho loads up the Lionsault. It looks strange as Jericho tried to land on all fours because Punk had his knees up. Either way he stopped himself and hooks the Walls but Punk makes a rope. Jericho goes up but Punk high kicks him down. He puts Jericho on his shoulders and the GTS sends Punk to the finals clean.

Rating: B-. These two always work well together and this was no exception. Punk got a win here which made him look a lot stronger, which is what someone like Jericho is great at. Even four years later Jericho is still putting people over but it still means something, which is a great sign for a veteran like him.

Senator Obama gives a very corny speech, concluding with “do you smell what the Barack is cooking.” Just….no.

King of the Ring Semi-Finals: William Regal vs. Finlay

Finlay has the bad knee coming in. Regal circles him to start but gets monkey flipped to the floor. Regal sends him into the steps and he hits knee first. Back in the ring and it’s time for a slugout. Regal goes shoulder first into the post for two. Finlay tries a fireman’s carry but the knee gives out. Back to the forearms and a rollup gets two. Regal hits him in the head with a knee and puts on the Regal Stretch. Finlay passes out to send Regal to the finals.

Rating: C. These two always have good matches as they’re always physical. The more I see of Finlay the more I appreciate him as he was really good at stuff like this. There was nothing for him to lose out there and he was going to be adequate at worst no matter who you put him out there with. Good stuff but short.

McCain uses a lot of wrestling lines and says go vote.

We run down the card for Backlash.

Cena says that you’ve heard everyone talk tonight and he has as good a chance as anyone else, but the advantage he has is he doesn’t have to go through himself.

Let’s get this over with.

Hilary Clinton vs. Barack Obama

There’s a Bill impersonator with Hilary, who comes out to Real American. No one reacts AT ALL. Obama comes out to Rock’s theme and I guess is the face in this. They’re impersonators in case you didn’t get that. It’s so weird seeing and hearing people not care at all about Hogan’s music. I mean there’s NOTHING. This is one of those times I feel ashamed about being a wrestling fan. They both cut promos on each other and Hilary’s is far better, as she’s played by a chick from SHIMMER. The fans still don’t care.

Is this supposed to be funny? Are we supposed to be this stupid to find this entertaining? Rock’s theme gets ZERO reaction either and Obama has huge ears. King gets the only funny line of this by saying that if Obama were facing Mike Tyson in this it would be a buffet. They have a “match” which isn’t completely terrible as both are played by wrestlers. Obama hits a Rock Bottom but Bill breaks up the People’s Elbow. Cue Umaga for a Spike to Obama and a Samoan Drop to Hilary. Bill runs away. This got TEN MINUTES.

Here are a bunch of face Divas to introduce the new Women’s Champion Mickie James. She beat Beth who was considered unbeatable so it was a big upset. It still amazes me how much more interesting the Divas were just a few years ago. Mickie thanks the other girls but gets cut off by Beth and some other evil girls. Remember when there were twelve Divas that could be in one segment and could all have at least a passable match? Beth says it’s not if she’ll win the title back, but when she’ll win it back. Michelle slaps Beth and the brawl is on.

Mr. Kennedy is coming back.

King of the Ring Finals: William Regal vs. CM Punk

Punk comes in with bad ribs because of the matches earlier. Regal is basically in his second match after the Horny match and beating an injured Finlay. Punk starts off fast with some kicks in the corner. He tries the bulldog but gets suplexed down and it’s off to a bow and arrow hold. Punk fights up from that and hits a spinning kick to the knee.

Regal grabs the arms and forces him right back down to the mat as is his custom. The idea is that it’s strikes vs. grapples which is about as natural as you’re going to get with these two. Punk fights up again and hits a BIG kick to the head to stagger Regal. Spinning backfist sets up the high kick for two. That sounded great. Punk loads up the GTS but Regal grabs the rope. He escapes and hits the knee trembler, followed by the Stretch. Punk hangs on for almost thirty seconds but finally has to tap to give Regal the tournament.

Rating: C-. This was too short to mean much but it gave Regal some more psychosis to work with which was a really entertaining time. Then it just stopped cold because it was getting too good and that’s how WWE works. Punk giving up because of the rib injury is ok because Regal didn’t win fairly (coming in at a big advantage), which is fine.

Regal’s psycho look while he sits on the throne is still great.

Here’s Orton for the main event but first he brags about how awesome he is and how his title reign will continue after Sunday.

Randy Orton/Edge/Chavo Guerrero/John Bradshaw Layfield vs. John Cena/HHH/Kane/The Undertaker

Orton is Raw champion, Edge is challenging Taker on Sunday, Chavo is challenging Kane, JBL is challenging Orton, Cena is challenging Orton, HHH is challenging Orton, Kane is ECW Champion, Undertaker is Smackdown champion. Now that’s a packed main event. How out of place does Chavo look here though? After the entrances take forever to get through we’re ready to go. Seriously, there were ten minutes spent on entrances PLUS a commercial. That’s ridiculous.

Taker and Orton look to start but Edge jumps Taker in a surprise. This goes badly for the Canadian as a big clothesline puts him down. Old School hits (hasn’t that been called old longer than it wasn’t called old?) and we take a break after 40 seconds. Back with Chavo tagging Edge in to work over a downed HHH. The spear is countered into a spinebuster and there’s the tag to Cena.

He starts his finishing sequence very quickly on Edge but Chavo low bridges him on the Shuffle attempt. JBL throws him back in clean which shocks Jerry. Off to Orton who does nothing so it’s JBL again. Russian legsweep gets two as does a clothesline. Edge comes in and the Cena chants begin. Edge gets a big boot and it’s off to Orton for a chinlock. Cena stands up but it’s a double clothesline and both guys are down.

The tags are made to Chavo and Kane with the Big Bald cleaning house. All of the evil team goes down and a side slam puts Chavo down. The top rope clothesline mostly gets shoulder and everything breaks down. Chavo counters a slam attempt into a DDT but as he goes for the Frog Splash Kane chokeslams him down. Out of nowhere though Edge spears Kane for the pin.

Rating: C. It’s a main event tag match and that’s about it. They covered almost everything and they had the most secure winner at the PPV (Kane) take the fall which is a good thing. Not a bad match but it’s just a way to throw everyone into the main event at once, which is fine for building up the PPV main events.

Edge takes an FU post match, HHH takes the Clothesline, RKO to HHH and a double chokeslam to JBL and Orton. Undertaker stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a really entertaining show that went by fast. I’d have liked to see some better wrestling in there but the matches had to be fast due to the tournament. I’m glad they didn’t go to any double eliminations as in an eight man tournament that’s kind of excessive. Good show though and I want to watch Backlash now so that’s a great sign. Good stuff.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5:

Tonight we’ll likely begin the build to Extreme Rules. We didn’t have much time last week as the focus was on Mania fallout and of course next year’s Wrestlemania main event being set up. It should be interesting to see what Cena does to fill the next 50+ weeks. No matches on the Raw side have been announced for the PPV so we should get something tonight. Let’s get to it.

On Tough Enough there was a teaser that Edge says his career might be over. That came out of left field.

Cole gets a special introduction as the only undefeated superstar in the WWE. “What’s up Jerry?”

Here’s Cena to open the show properly. He talks about how this is a great time to be in the WWE Universe because last week there was an announcement made that turned WWE upside down. Cena talks about the announcement that was so big it takes a year to digest. The match can’t just be a match though, so that match needs to be for the WWE Championship. Therefore Cena needs to win the WWE Championship, so he issues a challenge for right now.

Instead he gets Randy Orton. Orton says that Cena may want a title shot but he had his already and lost. Orton says Cena should step aside and let someone that won their match at Wrestlemania get a shot. Cena gets ready to reply but here’s John Morrison. He says we’ve seen this show (referring to Cena vs. Orton) before but now it’s better because John Morrison is involved.

Before that though here come Vickie and Dolph. Vickie says she should get the shot because she pinned Morrison. But if not her then Dolph. Ziggler says he isn’t here on Raw to waste his time on Cena. He’s never faced Miz for the title so the line starts with him. Don’t worry though because everyone will get title shots when he’s champion.

We’re not done yet because here’s R-Truth. He says that the gospel truth is that he’s never had a WWE Championship match. I think there’s a reason for that Truth. An e-mail says that there’s a new cobncept match. It’s a 5 man gauntlet match. Tonight (presumably) there will be two starting and another enters at a preset interval. You can’t get a win until all five are in and the winner meets Miz at Extreme Rules. I think those are the rules at least. It was a bit hard to keep track of.

Lawler vs. Swagger later. If Lawler wins he gets a rematch with Cole.

There’s a video of a baby doll with its head taken off. You can see the person holding it, clearly the soon to be debuting Awesome Kong. She laughs crazily.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Brie Bella

Brie allegedly won a Divas battle royal to win this shot. Wasn’t that weeks ago and she got the shot already? Eve brings a marker to have an X put on Nikki’s hand so we know she’s on the floor. That’s rather intelligent. Brie takes her down to start but Eve makes her comeback with a dropkick and the standing moonsault for two. Eve gets her in the Tree of Woe and when she’s being taken off there’s a switch. While Nikki is being taken out Brie sneaks up on her and an X-Factor gives Brie the title at 2:20. Weak match but all the girls looked good from a looks perspective at least.

Sin Cara debuts next.

Back with Eve being all upset about losing and Gail comes in to say she knows how it feels. Eve says all the Divas are the same. Natalya gets the same response. Tamina walks up to get something and just keeps walking. Ok then.

Sin Cara vs. Primo

The fans cheer for Sin Cara as Primo hammers away. He tries to toss Cara into the air so Sin Cara lands on his shoulders and backflips off. Out to the floor and a slingshot rana sends Primo flying. Primo is thrown back in but gets a baseball slide to send Cara back out. We hit a modified chinlock as Primo is getting way too much offense in here.

Cara chops away and gets another rana to get the crowd going a bit more. Powerbomb is countered into a very fast and hard sunset flip. Primo goes up but gets kicked in the head. They stand on the top rope and Primo falls, sending Cara to the floor. A C4 2000 (Downward Spiral with a backflip off the top) ends Primo at 4:30.

Rating: D+. I haven’t seen this big of a blown debut in a long time. Primo controlled the majority of the match and whenever Cara got something going, Primo would hit something to slow him down. You couple that with the botch at the end and this was a glorified train wreck. At least the ending was good.

We get a clip from the end of Raw last week with Corre running in. During the live chat on NXT last week Howard Finkel said that was very stupid of them to do. When the Fink comes down on someone, that’s not a good sign.

Corre is in the ring and Barrett says he used to see them as equals, but if they can’t hold up their end of the bargain then there’s no point in continuing. Gabriel takes offense to it and says the 450 has taken out more people and he’s a 3 time tag champion. Slater says WE are three time tag champions. Jackson says he made Corre legit. He gets cut off by Santino’s music though.

Here are Santino, Henry, Bryan and Bourne. Santino says if they’re the Corre then they’re the A.P.P.L.E.: Allied People Powered (by) Loathing Everything (you stand for). This fight is for Kozlov so APPLE POWERS UNITE! And yes Santino really said that.

Corre vs. Apple

This is joined in progress as we come back. The Apple name is hilarious if nothing else. Corre is in control hammering away on Daniel Bryan. I wonder if he regrets leaving being the king of the indies yet. Gabriel gets a hilo for two. After a nice long beating it’s the hot tag to Santino who cleans house. Cole makes apple jokes the whole time. Everything breaks down and Bryan throws out a suicide dive to take out Barrett. Cobra is loaded up and a reverse DDT ends Santino at 3:37.

Rating: D+. Nothing special at all here other than to show that Corre is mostly united at least. Bryan sells very well so the match was about as good as it was going to get given what they had to work with. Not a terrible match but all things considered it was just ok. At least the right team won.

We talk about Lawler vs. Swagger and here’s JR to be in Lawler’s corner. Cole makes fun of Ross so JR tries to break into the Cole Mine. When that fails he hits Cole with his hat. Jerry gets up to take out Swagger and we go to a break.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jack Swagger

If Lawler wins he gets a rematch with Cole at Extreme Rules and gets to pick the stipulations. If Swagger wins then Cole never has to face Lawler again. Cole and Ross are at ringside and are on microphones. Swagger controls with basic stuff to start, namely hammering on Jerry. Cole keeps talking trash as Jerry makes a brief comeback, including taking a brief victory lap around the ring.

Headlock by Swagger is reversed by a belly to back suplex. Ankle lock goes on and Jerry does as Ross says by getting to the ropes. Cole shouts MOMMY at Jerry during the hold. Josh isn’t talking during the match. Swagger grabs an armbar and cranks on it a bit. Ross: “Your guy had you in an ankle lock and now has a wrist lock. Show’s how stupid he is!”

Cole calls Swagger Jackie as he rams Jerry into the buckle. Lawler Lawlers Up and hammers away. Cole keeps running his mouth so JR finally blasts him. The distraction allows Jerry to grab a rollup for the pin at 5:18. Swagger’s face after it is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

Rating: C-. A lot of that is for the commentary/talking alone. JR’s line is one of the most obvious yet brilliant lines I’ve heard in a long time and shows the basic lack of psychology that is present in wrestling today. Not a great match or anything but given who was in there, this was solid. And no, I’m not saying this was better than the previous two matches. They’re not on the same scale and shouldn’t be.

Cole rips into Swagger post match, blaming him for everything and saying he paid good money for his help. It was all Swagger’s fault that he lost. Then he slaps Swagger and runs. Jerry grabs the mic and says we need to talk about Extreme Rules. He picks the obvious tag match: JR/Lawler vs. Swagger/Cole. Smart thinking actually. Jerry reminds Swagger that Cole just slapped him in the face. Cole panics as Swagger looks like he’s about to eat him.

We get a video package of wrestlers both past and present talking about how great Undertaker vs. HHH was.

Edge is talking to Cena and will be heading to the ring next.

Here’s Edge as JR, King and Matthews are doing commentary now. Please, I beg of you, pick a team and stick with it. This rotating lineup in the middle of the show is getting annoying. Anyway Edge says he’s going to ramble a lot in this. He says a lot of people thinks WWE doesn’t hurt and he wishes that wasn’t true. 8 years ago he had a neck injury and had spinal fusion surgery to correct it.

He knew he was wrestling on borrowed time but recently he’s been losing the feeling in his arms. He’s taken some tests and managed to make it through Wrestlemania, but the tests tell him he has to retire. The doctors have said he has no choice but thankfully they’ve found out now and he’s not going to be in a wheelchair.

Edge breaks down into tears as I’m thinking this isn’t a storyline at all. The fans chant thank you Edge and he says thank you guys. Edge talked to Christian who has been his best friend for 27 years. Edge was mad at himself but he’s still a fan of the WWE. He talks about going to Maple Leaf Gardens with Christian and seeing guys like Demolition, the LOD and Hogan.

Then he went to Wrestlemania 6 and saw Hulk Hogan vs. the Ultimate Warrior and said he’d be doing that. Fast forward 18 years and it was him in there against the Undertaker. Now he’s won more titles than anyone in WWE history and had his last match in a main event at Wrestlemania and gets to retire as World Heavyweight Champion.

Edge has been in this business for 19 years and he grew up in front of these people. He runs through his career from running through the streets of New York to doing posing for the benefits of those with flash photography to a live sex celebration (“luckily with Lita and not Vickie Guerrero”) and he hopes that he’s earned the fans’ respect.

He’s going to miss this and tomorrow he doesn’t have to wear tights and now he gets to eat ice cream. He says he’d do it again, even getting hired by JR. He drops the mic and gets a standing ovation. No Alberto, no interruptions, nothing else. If this was a work, give this man an Emmy right now. He does his pose on the stage and his music plays him out. Heavy stuff man.

We’re back and everyone, faces and heels, is applauding Edge. Even Vickie, Dolph, Corre, everyone. Dustin Rhodes is there in a shirt and tie. Still no Alberto or Christian. No word on the title situation yet but I’d assume Christian will take his place in the ladder match for the vacant title.

Cue Miz to a nice pop actually. He’s on commentary here.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison

Two will start and then it’s a standard gauntlet match, last man standing wins. Ziggler locks on a chinlock after some back and forth stuff. Lawler asks Miz who he’d prefer to face and Miz says he can’t hear him over his awesomeness. Josh is reading something and not seeming to pay attention.

Orton fires off some offense and looks down at Miz. Ziggler hides in the ropes to avoid the RKO. He can’t avoid the elevated DDT though and Orton sets for the RKO. The Nexus returns though and distracts Orton, allowing him to be pinned at 2:43. Well I didn’t see that one coming. Orton has to fights off the Nexus but Ryan takes him out. Orton is left laying as we take a break.

Back with Truth vs. Ziggler. Miz runs down Truth, wondering which version of him would come up. Lawler asks who Miz would rather face and Miz says he’ll face either of them. Chinlock goes on by Ziggler as Miz talks about not getting respect. If Cena wanted icon vs. icon he should have challenged Miz. Miz says he’s not a talker. Lawler responds with a facepalm.

The in ring stuff is rather boring, mainly because everyone knows Truth doesn’t have a chance here of winning the whole thing. Truth hammers away with right hands and gets a sitout gordbuster for two. Ziggler comes back with a neckbreaker as the fans aren’t exactly thrilled by this. Out of nowhere Truth gets a jumping downward spiral to put eliminate Ziggler after 4:00 (all times other than the final are of the two in the ring, not overall time).

Morrison is next and will face Truth after the break. They exchange a bunch of pinfalls to start us off until Morrison hits a breakdancing legdrop and throws on a chinlock. Miz keeps bashing everyone and is sounding like a less insulting version of Mystery Science Theater. They hit the floor and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Both guys slide back in at nine and we keep going.

Morrison gets all angry and takes down Truth with some running offense, including a leg lariat. Truth reverses into a suplex/Stunner. He picks Morrison up for a suplex but shifts him to the side and catches him in a Stunner. Cool looking move. Morrison gets up and hits his kick off the middle rope but misses Starship Pain. The jumping Downward Spiral sends Truth to the final two at 4:51.

Cue Cena as it’s him vs. Truth for the shot at Miz. I didn’t see this one coming. We’re going to start this up after a break. During the break we’re told Edge will surrender the title on Friday. This looks more real every second. Back and we’re ready to go. Miz comments on the dueling chants and Cena hits a dropkick to the champ’s shock. Cena hammers away and hits a new move: a combination powerslam/side slam for two.

Release fisherman’s suplex gets two and Cena goes up top. Top rope Fameasser gets two and I have a feeling this isn’t going to be as easy as it seemed. Truth makes the comeback and “hits” (read as it misses by about 8 inches) his spinning forearm for two. The downward spiral (that needs a name) can’t hit and Cena initiates his ending sequence. Cena sets for the FU but Miz and Riley run in and hit both guys at the same time for a double DQ I guess. The last pairing ran 5:36 and overall counting commercials it ran 30:40.

Rating: C+. The grade is for the whole thing rather than any individual segment. Hard to really grade this as there isn’t much of a precedent for it and the whole match was choppy. Luckily this had a lot of time as the matches where people are eliminated in about a minute are rather annoying as they’re ridiculous any other time of the year. Not bad, but hard to grade. Ending was good though.

Miz says there’s no #1 contender and we get an E-Mail. There are now 2 #1 contenders: Cena and R-Truth, and there will be a triple threat match at the PPV. Odd choice but ok then. Cena and Truth have a weird bromance moment for a bit as they slap each other on the back rather fiercely and Truth glares at Cena as he leaves.

Overall Rating: B. Well it can’t be said nothing happened here. We have a new stable (and yes I know it’s a joke), a new #1 contender, a new champion and one of the biggest stars of all time retired. The wrestling here clearly wasn’t the point and for a show with this much going on that’s more than understandable.

Results

Brie Bella b. Eve Torres – Sitout Facebuster

Sin Cara b. Primo – C4 2000

Corre b. Apple – Slater pinned Marella after a reverse DDT

Jerry Lawler b. Jack Swagger – Rollup

Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison went to a double disqualification when Alex Riley and the Miz interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

The more I think about it, the worse the show looks.  To begin with, how in the world can you have a nine match card running FOUR HOURS and have to cut a match due to time constraints?  There were no backstage segments, the Hall of Fame stuff was quick, five matches didn’t even make it to eleven minutes, and the longest match was 24:01.  But somehow we had to cut a match for time?  Let’s see.  Could it have been:

Rock vs. Cena promo – 2 minutes

Announcers play with WWE action figures – 1 minute

Package on the Special Olympics – 3 minutes

John Cena Make-A-Wish video – 2 minutes

Video on the Pre-Show – 1 minute

Rock vs. Cena promo – 2 minutes

Diddy Intro – 2 minutes

Diddy Concert – 8 minutes

Video on Slim Jims – 1 minute

Rock vs. Cena promo – 2 minutes

Gee, could it be the TWENTY FOUR MINUTES spent either hyping up stuff we ALREADY BOUGHT or WWE patting themselves on the back for how great they are?  Yeah instead of having Ryder and 3MB in the back doing something amusing, we need to hear about how awesome it is that WWE has sent Slim Jims to soldiers.

Moving on, there’s the major problem with this show: it wasn’t that good.  The best match was either Undertaker vs. Punk or HHH vs. Lesnar and neither of them are anything resembling a classic.  They’re both good but I want a bit more when I think of two of the biggest matches of the year.  Both were more than fine for second and third biggest matches on Wrestlemania though.

This brings us to the main event which just wasn’t very good.  It was exactly what we were expecting and while there were some good spots in there, the majority of the match did nothing for me.  I’m very tired of the idea of using five finishers a match as the only offense as they stop being finishers and are just moves at that point.  Cena winning was the right move, but the problem at the end of the day was that Rock winning the title didn’t do much.  It wasn’t a good title reign and he was really just there to pass the title along to Cena.

As for the other major matches, let’s take a quick look at a few.

Swagger vs. Del Rio: meh.  This feud stopped being interesting about two weeks in and Swagger not even getting an intro showed how lame it was in the eyes of the company.  The match was nothing of note (again clipped because of time, because WE NEED DIDDY!) and Swagger looks like the jobber he’s been for years.

Lesnar vs. HHH. While the opening part ran long, the match was very physical and brutal.  Now that being said, why in the world am I supposed to look at Brock as a serious threat again?  The match vs. Cena made Brock look like a BEAST and Cena looked like he was trying to survive rather than win the match.  That made for a great showcase and a great match.  The matches with HHH on the other hand were ALL about HHH.  Think about it: Brock was a guy there for HHH to get beaten down by and then make the Superman comeback against months later.  Lesnar was just a guy for HHH to beat and nothing more.  This is Brock Lesnar, not Khali or Henry, but he’s being treated like a regular monster.

Overall Wrestlemania was entirely forgettable.  Nothing on the show was incredibly fun or interesting, so it came off as very lame.  Out of the 29 shows in the series, it’s probably not even in the top 20.  That’s not a good sign coming off last year’s incredible show.

Now on to Raw, which was very interesting for a lot of different reasons.

Let’s get the big one out of the way right now: Raw sucked this week.  Here are the matches:

Squash

Rematch from Mania’s pre-show with a stupid booking decision

VERY boring handicap match

MITB cash-in

6 man tag to get people not on Wrestlemania on TV

The bizarre match

90 second Fandango match ending in a run-in

Mania match on Raw because WWE LOVES SLIM JIMS!

3 minute match to set up the show ending angle

Other stupid stuff on Raw:

Booker not letting us just have Henry vs. Cena for the title (which would have been a better booking move given the ending)

Colter and Swagger trying to get a heel reaction by asking the fans to chant USA

Ziggler being world champion

The Twitter Poll being canceled after the results were shown on screen

Now we get to the big deal of the show: the crowd.  Let me get this out of the way: that crowd was not a good thing.  It was entertaining for a bit, but eventually they decided to take over the show and make it all about them, because those 12,000 or so people are more important than the fans at home or the people in the ring.  Were they amusing for a bit?  Yes they were, but as soon as they made the entire show about them, it was too much.  It was annoying in ECW and it was annoying here, along with being disrespectful to the people who are working hard in the ring.

Raw sucked on Monday and they’re not going to have a crowd like that to take the focus off that in the future.  That’s a very bad sign for them going forward.

https://vine.co/v/btWLDKPHT6a

Anyway, assuming this is true:

1. It’s Cena’s fault right?  Everything else is.  We better turn him heel and then complain about how lousy his heel turn was executed.

2. If Rock wants to leave, I have no issues with it, much like I have few with Austin bailing in 2002.  He doesn’t owe WWE or the fans a thing.

3. It’s not like he lit the world on fire last night so why not let him go?  It doesn’t really add much anymore.

Thoughts on this?