Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 52,020
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

The aisle is crazy long and would require a cart to bring some of the wrestlers to the ring during the Rumble. There’s something cool about that, on both fronts actually.

Kickoff Show: Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Nikki and Natalya start things off with Natalya doing You Can’t See Me. That means a slap to the face and there are so few people being so quiet that you can hear what the women are saying. Bliss comes in and gets caught with a facebuster for two. It’s off to Naomi for half of a double dropkick with Nikki’s part not even coming close. Nikki and company hit a triple suplex to send them outside, followed by a dive from Naomi as we take a break.

Back with Becky clotheslining Natalya and hitting a running forearm in the corner. They head outside with Mickie getting in a cheap shot to drop Becky, allowing Natalya to snap a suplex to really take over. Back in and Becky gets driven into the corner again, allowing Bliss to choke a bit. Mickie adds a hard kick to the face as the announcers argue over whether or not cheating is smart.

A Michinoku Driver plants Becky but Natalya can’t get Suplex City (Her words. Well Lesnar’s words, though JR said it about thirteen years earlier.). Instead it’s a double clothesline so Naomi can come in and clean house. The still dumb looking dancing kicks drop Bliss as everything breaks down. A kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin on Bliss at 9:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of a crowd either in their seats or really interested in this one hurt it a lot but the work wasn’t terrible. The women’s division had gotten so much better by this point that you could trust them to go out and have a match like this, though the stories need to be stronger. I’m really having an issue caring about Nikki never getting to marry her dream husband and complete her fairy tale story but I’m not exactly the target audience.*

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and there are two referees due to some screwy finishes as of late. The crowd is MUCH better now, making the place look like there’s an actual audience for the show. Cesaro dropkicks Anderson at the bell for two and a gutwrench suplex gets the same less than thirty seconds in.

Gallows loads up a cheap shot from the apron but the second referee catches him, making the gimmick actually work. Sheamus grabs a Regal Roll into Cesaro’s jumping double stomp for two more but Anderson is back up with a kick to the face to take over. It’s off to Gallows, who is quickly kicked down so the champs can take him into the corner. This has been mostly one sided so far but Gallows gets in a backdrop for a breather. Not that the fans seem to care for the most part though.

A big boot knocks Sheamus off the apron and we take a break. Back (after the commercial has been cut from the Network) with Cesaro suplexing Gallows and rolling over to bring Sheamus back in. The ten forearms to the chest have Gallows in trouble and a top rope clothesline gets two. Super White Noise gets the same but Gallows shoves Sheamus away and makes the hot tag to Anderson.

The second referee won’t allow some cheating so Swiss Death gives Cesaro two. A 619 and a high crossbody give him the same but Anderson kicks him down again. Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer and a referee eats a Brogue Kick. The second referee comes in to see Cesaro put Anderson in the Sharpshooter, only to have Gallows break it up with a kick to the face. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Magic Killer for Sheamus, followed by a rollup with tights to pin Cesaro at 10:28.

Rating: C+. Nice power fight here with both teams hitting each other rather hard. That’s all this needed to be, though I could go for adding a different style in there. Power vs. power isn’t going to work all that well in the long term but at least they had a good match here. These title changes didn’t really matter though as it was all going to change when the Hardys came back. No one knew that yet though and at least we had something good here.

Kickoff Show: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Nia injured her a month or so ago and tonight is about revenge. Sasha doesn’t have her knee brace on as Nia drives her into the ropes and easily shoves off a headlock. A rope walk springboard goes just as badly as Banks can’t get anything going early on. Jax runs her over and we take an early break.

Back with Sasha trying a standing Bank Statement and having it broken up with ease. Jax grabs a Brock Lock and swings Banks around until a rope can be grabbed. Sasha finally avoids a charge to send Jax into the post, followed by the top rope double knees for two. Sasha comes up holding her knee though and the pop up Samoan drop puts her away at 5:13.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and really only served to keep Nia around. Banks is going to be fine after a loss like this while Nia still doesn’t have the big defining win (which would still be the case a year later). There was no need for this to be on pay per view though and it could have easily been done on Raw. That’s never a good sign.

And now, a nearly four hour show. I know I say this a lot but I’m almost gassed just watching that Kickoff Show. There’s really no need to do it this way, especially when you have the horrible empty stadium for the first match.

Completely standard opening video, though they do play in the cool “Remember the Rumble” tagline to show off a lot of the famous clips. If there’s one thing WWE does well, it’s look back at their own history. The rest of the matches get some time as well with each one having something to remember as well.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and still has never lost a singles match on pay per view. Bayley gets wrestled down to start as Charlotte grabs a front facelock. The fans seem split here despite giving Bayley a heck of a reaction on her entrance. Charlotte heads outside for no apparent reason, allowing Bayley to grab her by the hair and snap her over the middle rope (basically a Stunner) to take over. A headscissors gets two and it’s already time to hit the stalling.

Bayley makes the mistake of going outside and gets kicked into the steps as she doesn’t have much of an answer for Charlotte’s power game. Back in and Charlotte slams Bayley’s face into the mat a few times but makes sure to throw in a quick pose (that’s the Flair in her). We hit the chinlock with Charlotte’s hair falling over Bayley’s face, giving us a rather odd visual of Bayley as a blonde. A knee drop gets two on Bayley and Charlotte is getting annoyed at Bayley sticking around.

Yet another kickout off a neckbreaker makes the frustration even worse so Charlotte does her figure four necklock into the face plants on the mat. The flips to send Bayley back first into the mat make it even worse as Charlotte is completely dominant so far. Charlotte stops to mock Bayley though and a heck of a slap cuts the champ off. A battle of the chops goes to Charlotte (well duh) but Bayley bounces out of the corner with an armdrag. A springboard crossbody (with a few too many bounces) drops Charlotte again and a jumping spinning Downward Spiral (not bad) does it again.

The top rope elbow (which looked awesome on impact) gets a very close two and you can feel the crowd breathe on the kickout. Charlotte (who might be bleeding from the mouth) kicks the knee out though and the Figure Four goes on. The referee catches her grabbing the ropes though and both women are down. Charlotte is up first but her moonsault only grazes knees to give Bayley two. Bayley goes up but gets shoved off to the floor in a heap. As she gets back in, Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:01.

Rating: B-. Bayley was fighting here but came up short, which is exactly how her character needs to go. For some reason WWE didn’t quite get this and instead put the title on her two weeks later in a nothing Raw match, ignoring the idea of building her up as an underdog. Charlotte was her usual awesome self here and that makes for a fun match, though the future didn’t go the way it should have. At least the first match was solid though.

The shark cage is lowered. This might require an explanation.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns had come close to taking the title from Kevin Owens but Chris Jericho interfered to cost Reigns the match. Therefore it’s time for a rematch with Jericho in a one man cage (the shark cage) above the ring. Jericho is of course scared of heights so this should be fun. It would be a better idea if they hadn’t done it in NXT not too long before this.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is defending and this is No DQ. Jericho takes his sweet time getting into the cage (as he should) and is still not in even when Reigns comes out. The Canadians try some double teaming and knock Reigns into the cage all, only to have Reigns fight them off (and the fans are really, REALLY not pleased) and send Jericho into the cage to get us going. The cage is raised like a sexy pinata (Jericho’s very accurate term for himself) and Owens jumps Reigns from behind.

They waste no time in fighting out to the floor and then into the crowd with Reigns hitting him in the ribs with a metal stand. Back to ringside with Owens being bounced off the German announcers’ table but coming back with a whip into the steps. Owens pulls six chairs from underneath the ring and sets up four at ringside, two by two. A monitor shot to the ribs sets up the Cannonball against the barricade and Owens continues to be over like free beer in a frat house.

With Reigns down, Owens sets up two more chairs on top of the four he already had. One more is placed on top but of course the powerbomb and suplex attempts don’t work to prevent a broken back. Back in and Reigns sends him shoulder first into the post before loading up a table. That’s enough to make the fans cheer Reigns (I’m as shocked as you are) but a Backstabber gives Owens two.

Another Cannonball, with Owens mocking Reigns’ spear pose, is countered into a powerbomb. The apron dropkick rocks the champ again as this has been better than I was expecting so far. They’re beating each other up quite well and it’s pretty entertaining, despite Jericho being a non-factor so far. They head outside with Reigns getting superkicked onto a table, setting up a frog splash from the top to the floor in a big crash.

That’s only good for two (well duh) so Owens dedicates a chair shot to Jericho and gets another near fall. A chair is wedged into the corner because wrestlers never learn a thing. Owens scores with a superkick and manages to send Reigns into the chair as I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like that’s never worked before but it’s about as rare as Jericho eating crab cakes and goat’s milk.

With that not working, Jericho tosses Owens some brass knuckles but Reigns blocks the Superman Punch. Roman’s Superman Punch gets two and a Samoan drop through the chair is good for the same. You would think being driven THROUGH A CHAIR would be a big time match but since this is modern wrestling, something that big is now just a regular move. It’s the price you pay for all the big spots and violence.

Roman puts another table in the corner before another Superman Punch gets two. A spear is countered into a Stunner of all things but Reigns kicks out again. We continue the Austin homage with a mudhole stomping and a Cannonball (not so much Austin) as Owens is getting frustrated. That makes him do something dumb, like trying a superplex through that pile of chairs.

Reigns breaks that up and Superman Punches Owens through the pile instead for a very loud crash. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table but here’s Braun Strowman to beat the heck out of Reigns. Roman is sent into the post, followed by the running powerslam through the table in the corner to retain Owens’ title at 23:27.

Rating: B+. This was better than I was expecting and while it feels like a similar ending to Randy Orton vs. John Cena from Royal Rumble 2015, it’s still a good way to keep the title on Owens for the time being. They had a very good power brawl and Owens retaining is the right move, especially with the feud with Strowman getting a big boost. Jericho was barely a factor and that’s a good thing given that they were about to split in the near future.

To really fill in time, we’re doing a countdown of the thirty greatest moments in Rumble history, starting with 30-16 (or 30-15 as Cole puts it). Well kind of as the list is actually 30 facts, which is kind of Rumble By The Numbers.

30. Bret Hart was the first entrant

29. 870 people have entered

28. 3 women have entered and each has eliminated at least one man

27. 23 people have won, meaning 98% of the entrants are losers

26. 4 Rumbles have been in Texas

25. California and Florida have held 5 Rumbles each

24. 507,102 fans have seen the Rumble

23. Rey Mysterio lasted longer than anyone ever at 1:02:12

22. Edge won the Rumble in 7:37

21. Santino Marella was eliminated in 1 second

20. The longest time in a single Rumble without winning is Bob Backlund with 1:01:10

19. HHH has spent the most time in the Rumble with 4:06:08.

18. 46 Hall of Famers have competed

17. 9 Hall of Famers have won

16. Mick Foley entered the Rumble 3 times in 1998

Raw boss Stephanie McMahon mocks Raw underling Mick for Strowman interfering when Smackdown bosses Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan come in. They roll the tumbler so Sami Zayn can come in and pick his number, which of course takes some time. Before Sami can open his ball, Dean Ambrose comes in searching for churros. He gets a number but is off to take a nap until he’s due in the Rumble. After going to a crowd shot of watching this in the arena (erg), Sami gets #8.

Austin Aries joins commentary for the Cruiserweight Title match.

We recap Rich Swann vs. Neville. Swann is the Cruiserweight Champion but Neville has declared himself the King of the Cruiserweights. That’s completely accurate and it’s time for Swann to take a heck of a beating and give up a title that doesn’t belong to him. This is about as obvious of an ending as you’re going to get. They throw in some history between the two with Neville mentoring Swann both in Japan and here in America. That’s better than nothing and more than I would expect from a match like this, even if Neville winning is pretty much guaranteed.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Neville is challenging and stops himself from doing his usual entrance because the fans don’t deserve it. That’s a nice touch and makes him feel different instead of the same guy who just happens to be a villain now. Feeling out process to start until Swann flips over Neville and misses a dropkick.

Neville gets sent outside for a dive but is fine enough to drive Swann right into the corner. A missile dropkick sets up a jackknife cover for two and Neville stands on Swann’s head. Neville wants to know if this is it and gets crucifixed for two. Back up and Neville forearms the heck out of Swann for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. The comeback is enough to have Neville take him outside for some whips into the barricade.

Back in and Neville comes up the top, diving straight into a superkick to the jaw. That one looked awesome and both guys are down. Another kick to the jaw and a super hurricanrana sets up a Phoenix flip dive to the floor to put Neville in trouble. They head back inside with Swann hammering away before getting two off something like a Warrior splash.

Neville isn’t down enough that he can’t crotch Swann on top. He also can’t hit the superplex but settles for a hard superkick to stagger the champ. Rich’s spinning kick to the head gets two as Neville gets his foot on the ropes. Swann again takes too long to get up top, allowing Neville to superplex him into the Rings of Saturn for the tap to make Neville champion at 13:29.

Rating: B-. They were beating the heck out of each other in a better than average match. Instead of having Neville squash him in relatively short order, Swann got in some offense, only to eventually not be good enough to overcome the King of the Cruiserweights. This was entertaining, but Neville is going to need some better challengers.

We recap AJ Styles vs. John Cena. Styles defeated Cena twice in a row last year, including with one clean pinfall. Then Cena said he wanted to challenge the champion at the Rumble and since he’s John Cena and one title shy of tying Ric Flair’s record, the match was made.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging and has the black shorts on here so you know it’s a big night. AJ scores with a kick to the leg so Cena clotheslines him to the apron. Cena gets in a few right hands but charges into a boot in the corner to let AJ take over. Back to back knee drops have Cena in trouble but AJ stops to yell at the crowd. A third knee, this time with a You Can’t See Me, misses and Cena is right back with a backdrop.

AJ sticks the landing on an AA though and there’s an enziguri to put Cena down again. There’s a hurricanrana and Cena doesn’t seem to know what to do with Styles. The running seated forearm gives AJ two more but Cena punches him in the face. The Shuffle is broken up though and AJ grabs a wheelbarrow facebuster to put Cena down again. AJ hits the Phenomenal Blitz, only to have Cena hit that hard running clothesline for a breather that he uses when he needs a breather.

Now the Shuffle connects but it’s way too early for the AA. AJ grabs a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb for two more and we get a bit of a pause. They’re doing a good job here of going with the slower pace to build things up here, which is exactly what they should be doing.

The Phenomenal Forearm misses and it’s an AA for two. Another hard running clothesline gives Cena two more but he charges into a Pele to the shoulder. Now the Forearm connects for two more as they’re even in the near falls off the finishers. AJ starts firing off the hard kicks to the chest and Cena doesn’t seem like he’s breathing very well. One too many kicks earns him an electric chair into a faceplant though and Cena is right back into it.

They slug it out with JBL describing AJ as blocking every punch with his face. Apparently that’s fine enough to reverse a right hand into the Calf Crusher but of course Cena reverses into the STF to a nice round of applause. At least they respect some wrestling abilities. Somehow AJ reverses that into an STF of his own but Cena powers to his feet. Instead of an AA though, it’s off to a Figure Four on the champ (because we must praise Flair, though it’s appropriate here).

AJ pulls himself up though and tries a cross armbreaker, which of course is countered into a powerbomb for two. Cena goes up top for the Fameasser but gets powerbombed out of the air. Now the Styles Clash is good for two as the fans are feeling the near falls (as they should with the match picking WAY up in a hurry). Code Red gives Cena two more, followed by AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker for the same.

Something like a swinging Big Ending (called a cutter by Mauro) gives Cena two more so it’s time for the big guns. Cena busts out the super AA…….for two. You can see the look of disbelief on Cena’s face and now the fans aren’t sure what to think. The Styles Clash gives AJ his own near fall but Cena counters the Phenomenal Forearm into back to back AA’s for the pin and the title at 24:01.

Rating: A. This took its time to build up and it’s one of the best matches of 2017. Cena using raw power to start but eventually learning what AJ was going to throw at him and adapting made for a great story. He couldn’t win with the mega power move either, eventually having to counter AJ to beat him. That builds on their previous matches and it’s a classic match as a result.

Cena celebrates. JBL: “Man that was good!” Yeah pretty much. Cena heads into the crowd and hands the title to a Make-A-Wish kid because he’s that awesome.

We look at Seth Rollins invading Takeover: San Antonio to call out HHH, who cost him his spot in the Rumble. HHH said Rollins needs to be careful what he wished for. Worry not though as STEPHANIE will be on Raw tomorrow night to deal with Rollins. I’d be terrified too.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary on the Rumble.

Back to the Rumble by the Numbers.

15. Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

14. 7 winners are from 1-10

13. 4 have been from 11-20

12. 19 have been from 21-40

11. 27 is the lucky number

10. 1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

9. 1 and 2 have been the final two entrants twice (1995 and 1999)

8. Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

7. Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles

6. Kane has the most career eliminations

5. Roman Reigns has the most eliminations in one match

4. The World Title has been on the line twice

3. Three men have been runner up twice (Cena, Big Show, HHH)

2. Five men have won twice (Cena, HHH, Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Batista)

1. Only Steve Austin has won three Rumbles

Royal Rumble

Two minutes intervals and it’s Big Cass in at #1, meaning Enzo Amore gets to do the full entrance. We’re just that lucky I guess but the fans are still eating it up at this point. Since everything is bigger in Texas, it would make sense for Big Cass to win here tonight. We hear about some of the bigger names but Cass is going to toss all of them out because Cass is like HBK in 1995. Chris Jericho is in at #2 as his bad luck in the Rumble draws continue (this is his third time as #2).

Cass tosses him down with a fall away slam but an early Empire Elbow misses. The Walls are broken up and it’s Kalisto in at #3 after only ninety seconds. A springboard dropkick staggers Cass and a regular one drops Jericho. Cass can’t powerslam Kalisto and it’s some kicks to cut Cass down again. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as we’re not even three minutes and fifteen seconds in yet. Corey: “Smackdown Live’s resident blithering idiot.” Lawler: “That’s an insult to blithering idiots”.

Cass takes Rawley into the corner while the other two are down on the apron. Jericho breaks four hours in the Rumble to give him the all time record as Jack Gallagher is in at #5. The length of the aisle really becomes an issue here as Jack takes forever to get to the ring. Once there though he cleans house with the umbrella, including a low blow to a posing Jericho. One heck of a toss sends Kalisto to the mat and it’s Mark Henry in at #6.

Everyone is down when his music hits but Gallagher has enough time to get up and stomp on Jericho by the time he gets there. Gallagher’s headbutt just annoys Mark so he tosses Jack through the ropes (not an elimination). Jack does his Mary Poppins dive with the umbrella and is promptly eliminated. Braun Strowman is in at #7, taking twenty five seconds from the start of his music to get to the ring. Jericho hides on the floor (Jericho: “HE’S HUGE!”) as Strowman gets rid of Mojo, Cass, Kalisto and Henry, the latter after a battle of the giants.

Sami Zayn is in at #8 and is stupid enough to charge into the ring and slug away as fast as he can. Sami stops a charge with a boot but tries a suplex for some reason. Strowman misses a charge into the post but comes right back with a running splash in the corner as Big Show is #9 (to a VERY strong reaction, oddly enough).

We get the big, long walk to the ring where Sami is down in the corner and Jericho is still on the floor. Strowman clotheslines Show down without much effort but a chokeslam cuts him down. Jericho picks now to come back in and is promptly punched down, leaving the giants to lift each other up for failed slam attempts. Strowman manages to muscle Show out though and is the only one standing. The debuting Tye Dillinger is #10 (in the perfect (ten) entrance), giving us Jericho, Strowman, Zayn and Dillinger. Tye goes straight at Strowman with forearms and left hands as Sami gets up to help him slug away at the giant.

They get suplexed down without much effort though and it’s James Ellsworth in at #11. He and Carmella run to the ring (in a relationship that was never explained) but don’t get in, allowing Tye and Sami to pull Strowman to the apron. Dean Ambrose is in at #12 and tricks Ellsworth into charging in on his own where Strowman eliminates him in all of ten seconds. That’s better than I was expecting. Dean gets in but can’t do much with Strowman (well duh) but Tye and Sami get back up to help Dean out. That earns them all running clotheslines in the corner and it’s Baron Corbin in at #13.

That means four on one on Strowman, who shrugs them all away. Strowman dumps Tye but Sami grabs him by the beard for a breather. A Helluva Kick rocks Strowman and Corbin gets rid of the monster after a star making performance. Dean hits a quick Dirty Deeds on Corbin but doesn’t try to eliminate him. Dean never was the smartest guy in the world.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and the countdown is on to the cool save. Kofi gets knocked into the ropes and Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes into a clothesline on Dean. The Miz is in at #15 (thankfully with Maryse), giving us Jericho (STILL on the floor), Sami, Ambrose, Corbin and Miz at the moment.

A Skull Crushing Finale drops Dean but Miz doesn’t go for the elimination. Deep Six cuts Miz off as the crowd oddly dies for a bit. For no logical reason, Kofi climbs to the top of the post but gets knocked down onto his chest. He still manages to hang on though and scores with Trouble in Paradise on Corbin. Sheamus is in at #16 and it’s time for some powerslams. Miz backs away from Sheamus but gets caught in the ten forearms to the chest. Jericho gets back up and is promptly Brogue Kicked down.

Big E. is in at #17 and it’s a quick abdominal stretch on Miz, allowing for some spanking. If that’s what he’s into I guess. The ring is getting too full and Rusev (with a broken nose) makes it even worse at #18. Right hands have Dean in trouble but no one is seriously close to being eliminated.

Sheamus gets in a hard knee on Miz and it’s Cesaro in at #19. It’s an early Swing to Miz and a second to Sami. Jerry: “Use him as a weapon!” Ambrose and Kofi are swung as well, followed by Big E. and Corbin but Rusev saves Sheamus from the same fate for some reason. You might notice a lot of names being swung and that’s because there are WAY too many people in the ring.

Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Jericho, Zayn, Ambrose, Corbin, Kingston, Miz, Sheamus, Big E. Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. We’re two thirds of the way into the match and over half of the people are still in. New Day beats Sheamus up and Woods has to save Kofi from an elimination at Miz’s hands. A pair of boots rock Miz but he’s not going anywhere yet. Bray Wyatt, with the lights going out, is in at #21 and the Fireflies coming out during the match is a cool visual.

Miz gets the release Rock Bottom and house is cleaned until Woods stares Wyatt down in a call back to Woods being terrified of Bray. Woods is sent to the apron and Kofi is put there next to him. Big E. saves his buddies from Cesaro and Sheamus as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Crews’ standing moonsault hits Miz as this is looking like a regular battle royal rather than the Rumble. Big E. pulls Woods and Kofi back inside but Sheamus and Cesaro get rid of all three of them at once to let the ring breathe a bit. Sheamus tries to dump Cesaro but Jericho runs in to get rid of both of them. Well the ring is certainly emptier in a hurry.

Randy Orton (of the Wyatt Family because reasons) is in at #23 with a quick RKO to Corbin and Rusev. Sami goes up top for some reason and dives right into another RKO. Dolph Ziggler is in at #24 and superkicks abound. The fans are begging for Goldberg to come in and get rid of some of these people but have to settle for Luke Harper at #25. We have five spots left and Goldberg, Undertaker and Brock Lesnar still to go. Harper gets rid of Crews but stops for a staredown with Orton. Wyatt has to play peacekeeper until Harper clotheslines Bray down. Orton breaks up Sister Abigail on Bray with an RKO as the ring is too full again.

Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and now we can get rid of some people. Ziggler and Ambrose are tossed with ease and it’s Suplex/F5 City. Everyone is down and the fans want Goldberg at #27. Instead it’s Enzo Amore in at #27 and I’ll let you figure out what happens. Graves: “THIS MAY BE THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” Brock throws some suplexes until Goldberg is in at #28 for the big showdown. A spear and a clothesline get rid of Lesnar in all of fifteen seconds, stunning both the crowd and commentary at once. Sami eats a Jackhammer and Orton/Wyatt take a double spear.

Goldberg is the only man standing and it’s Undertaker in at #29 to a ROAR. Thankfully he appears in the ring instead of doing the ridiculously long walk down the ramp. Cole: “THIS IS A MOMENT!” Well those are what matter more than anything else. Corbin and Rusev break up the showdown and are promptly eliminated. A spear takes Undertaker down but Goldberg turns his attention to eliminate Harper, allowing Undertaker to dump him. Undertaker chokeslams a few people and it’s Roman Reigns at #30 (imagine the booing) to give us Jericho, Sami, Miz, Wyatt, Orton, Undertaker and Reigns.

That means another staredown and Reigns wins the slugout. The fans are LIVID and call this BS until Undertaker stops the Superman Punch with a chokeslam. Undertaker dumps Miz and Zayn like they’re nothing but takes too long calling for a Tombstone, allowing Reigns to dump him. That earns Reigns a glare to set up the Wrestlemania main event.

Jericho is dead so Reigns tosses him without much effort, giving Jericho the most meaningless hour run in Rumble history. Reigns is left alone with Orton and Wyatt with the double teaming starting in short order. The hanging DDT plants Reigns but Superman Punches get Roman out of trouble. Wyatt is eliminated but it’s an RKO and a clothesline to send Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:02:08.

Rating: D. And that’s being pretty generous. There are tons of problems here, but we’ll start with all the midcarders who were around forever and did nothing. Here are some of the people who weren’t going to win but were in the match for at least twenty minutes each:

Sami Zayn (47:12)

Dean Ambrose (26:55)

Baron Corbin (32:39)

Miz (32:44)

Rusev (22:31)

Those five names combined for one elimination. That’s a crazy amount of time to basically do nothing. If they’re not going to be factors (and none of them were as they were almost all glorified cannon fodder), don’t leave them out there go clog up the ring. It doesn’t do Sami any good to be out there for forty five minutes and do nothing, just like it doesn’t help Miz to be there for half an hour so people can beat on him. Jericho was a potential winner and stayed in there over an hour (spending a lot of it on the floor) but what good is an hour stay if he’s tossed out like he’s nothing after a mere two eliminations?

That brings us to the second problem: the three big names. This match was built around Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and Undertaker (the three of them and Cena are dead center on the post) and they combined to get rid of TEN people (over a third of the eliminations) despite being in the match for less time combined than any of the five names mentioned above. None of them made the final four but they cleared the way for the grouping. That’s some really bad planning and a lack of drama, especially when it makes everyone left look life afterthoughts. Let one of them be there as a dragon for the winner to slay at the very least.

Throw in a lack of meaningful surprises (Reigns was the only name of value not announced in advance) and no nostalgia to be seen (but we needed Apollo Crews and Dolph Ziggler to combine for ten minutes in the ring and not get rid of anyone) and there was very little to care about for the biggest part of the Rumble. Strowman stuff was fun, but after him there was a FIFTEEN MINUTE stretch with no eliminations. This was a terribly planned out Rumble and managed to turn one of the most entertaining matches of the year into something incredibly boring.

Overall Rating: C+. It says a lot when the Royal Rumble is the only bad thing on the show. Other than that, the worst match is…..I guess the women’s match? This show was rather awesome but the Rumble itself was such a mess that it brings the rest of the show way down. This was a good show that cold have been great and I have no idea how they thought that was the right idea with the Rumble. That should usually be the most important thing on the show but it felt like something they threw together here, which really misses the point. Fix the Rumble and it’s a classic. As it is, it’s just good.

Ratings Comparison

Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Original: C

Redo: C-

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B

Redo: B+

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Original: C+

Redo: B-

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Original: A-

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C+

That Rumble rating is ridiculous. Most of the rest of the matches are in the same ballpark though and that’s a good thing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/29/royal-rumble-2017-i-can-go-with-that/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

SuperBrawl III
Date: February 21, 1993
Location: Ashville Civic Center, Ashville, North Carolina
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Tony Schiavone

This is a one match show and it is all built around Sting vs. Vader. That’s one of those matches that is going to work no matter what, it’s the White Castle of Fear strap match. In other words, we might be in for some special mini movies, which are always, uh, something. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Vader whipping Sting and abusing him with the strap to set up the main event. This is about as low key of an opening as you can get.

Eric Bischoff and Missy Hyatt welcome us to the show and announce that Maxx Payne is replacing Ron Simmons in the US Title match. Hyatt will be handling interviews tonight but won’t say who she’ll be interviewing. Eric brings out Johnny B. Badd (with the snappy sailor’s hat) to run down the card….and that’s it.

Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura run down the card because we might not know what we paid to see.

Maxx Payne plays a rock rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.

Hollywood Blonds vs. Marcus Bagwell/Erik Watts

Bagwell is the Rookie of the Year and it always seemed like he held that title forever. Austin and Bagwell lock up to start and the fans are behind Bagwell for one of the few times in his career. Bagwell armdrags him into an armbar before powering Austin down with a pair of top wristlocks. Back up and Steve punches him down, only to get knocked hard to the floor. That doesn’t last long as Austin is thrown inside for a double backdrop, plus a double clothesline to Pillman.

Watts comes in for an armdrag (which doesn’t work that well) on Pillman and a quickly broken armbar. Bagwell comes in for a crossbody and the headlock takeover puts Austin in trouble. It’s back to Watts and the fans boo him out of the building, including as he puts on an abdominal stretch. The announcers debate the merits of cheating (Jesse: “Always take the easy way out. That’s for all you kids out there.”) as Jesse notes the Watts booing.

A bad looking Boston crab has Austin in trouble so Pillman comes in to kick Watts in the face for the break. Pillman gets pulled down into the STF but he’s in the ropes in a hurry. They head outside with Pillman’s dive off the apron missing to send him crashing into the barricade. Austin is back up to beat Watts down on the floor, with the fans being rather pleased. Back in and Pillman breaks up a sunset flip attempt so Watts can be choked on the rope.

The double teaming is on with Austin luring Bagwell in for some double choking. The Rocket Launcher is blocked with raised knees but Austin is back in with a suplex to break up the tag attempt. Austin misses a running crotch attack on the ropes though and it’s a hot tag to Bagwell to clean house. Everything breaks down and Watts is sent outside but makes the mistake of trying to get back in. That leaves Bagwell to Yellowjacket (fisherman’s) suplex Pillman but Austin comes in off the top to break it up and give Pillman the pin at 16:35.

Rating: C+. It’s rare to see a match with two teams having such different levels of talent in one match. Bagwell was getting better but had a pretty firm ceiling. Watts…..no. I get that he was thrown in WAY over his head, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was WAY over his head. He was so tall, lanky and awkward (not his fault mind you as he had no idea what he was doing at this level) that the fans just did not want to see him.

The Blonds getting cheered like that was awesome to see, mainly because they were one of the best tag teams of the 90s and deserve any cheers they get. Better than expected, but almost all because of the Blonds. They just couldn’t get much more out of these two and it was very obvious.

We get a quick clip of the Sting/Vader White Castle of Fear mini movie, featuring Sting flying to the Rocky Mountain.

Bischoff and Badd confirm that Ric Flair will be here tonight.

Flair arrives but Missy Hyatt is escorted away by security while trying to get an interview.

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Chris Benoit

Well ok then. Jesse picks Benoit for his killer instinct, and I’ll go straight to Benoit elbowing Scorpio in the face to get away from that as fast as I can. Benoit stomps away but Scorpio is back up with a spinning high crossbody. A kick to the face puts Benoit on the floor and it’s an armbar back inside to keep Benoit in trouble. Scorpio goes with the hammerlock with his feet and drops backwards to crank on the arm, which does look rather painful. Back up and a Japanese armdrag sends Benoit outside in a huff.

Benoit gets back in for the test of strength with both using some good looking bridges. Scorpio takes him down by the arm again and drops a leg but misses a dropkick. Benoit misses an elbow though and the armbar goes on again. Back up and Benoit ducks a spinning kick to the face and hits that nasty clothesline of his. The backbreaker lets Benoit bend Scorpio’s back over his knee before we hit the chinlock.

Benoit drapes him ribs first over the top and kicks Scorpio outside. A shoulder to the ribs has Benoit staggered but he’s able to avoid the missile dropkick. The chinlock goes on again and it’s off to something rather close to a Liontamer. For some reason Benoit lets go of the hold and grabs another chinlock as we hit the fifteen minute mark about thirteen and a half minutes in. With the holds not working, Benoit takes him up top for a belly to back superplex.

The very delayed cover gets two and a Russian legsweep gets the same. Benoit powerbombs him for two with three minutes left. An enziguri drops Benoit and Scorpio adds a clothesline to send Benoit into the corner. The spinning splash in the corner connects and the twisting splash (which would today be known as Twisted Bliss) gets two. With forty five seconds left, Benoit blocks a victory roll and drops a middle rope leg for two more. Benoit is getting desperate but Scorpio grabs a rollup for the pin at 18:20 (or 19:59 officially).

Rating: B. The good start to the show continues in a much less surprising result. How were these two not going to have a good match? The timing makes sense here as it adds more drama and given that they were only off by about a minute and forty seconds is a minor miracle. I can always go for some Scorpio and while Benoit wasn’t at his greatness yet, you could see all the tools there, waiting to be developed.

Maxx Payne is replacing the injured Ron Simmons in the US Title match. He and his guitar (Norma Jean) have a song ready for champion Dustin Rhodes and of course we hear a little bit….of Taps.

Bill Irwin vs. British Bulldog

Irwin is an evil cowboy and the Bulldog gets a ROAR on his in-ring debut. Smith shoves him down with ease to start and the fans are behind Smith the whole way. Irwin’s shots against the ropes don’t do much good as Smith runs him down with ease. A hard clothesline puts Irwin on the floor and it’s a gorilla press back inside to make it worse. Back in and Irwin kicks away at the ribs as Tony tries to figure out what Jesse means when he talks about Bulldog’s cornrows.

A cover gets one with Smith pressing launching him on the kickout so the chinlock goes on instead. That’s broken up in a hurry and Smith sends him into the corner for a running shoulder. Jesse: “How come they call it an Irish whip? Is it from Ireland?” Tony: “Uh yeah 1863 in a wrestling match there.” Jesse: “….that’s amazing.” I have no idea if Tony made that up on the spot or not but Jesse had NOTHING in response. Anyway Irwin gets up a boot in the corner but dives into the running powerslam for the pin at 5:43.

Rating: D+. Not much of a match here but it was fine enough for an introduction to Smith. A lot of people already knew who he was but you need to let him come in there and beat someone up. That being said, it wasn’t exactly thrilling and Smith looked like he was already getting old and slow. Go while you have the chance I guess, but it wasn’t exactly good.

Vader is waiting for Sting in the White Castle of Fear.

Smith wants the World Title and is ready to eat Vader up.

Badd and Hyatt are ready for the UK tour.

Paul Orndorff is ready for Cactus Jack….who is right here to start their match in a hurry.

Paul Orndorff vs. Cactus Jack

Falls Count Anywhere and Jack chases Orndorff through the entrance with a shovel. Orndorff chokes with an electric cord but Jack slams him onto the concrete. The mats are pulled back for the elbow off the apron and the super sunset flip to the floor for two. They go inside with Orndorff ripping at Jack’s mouth but that’s enough so they fight outside and over the barricade.

Tony FINALLY explains the story here, as these two fought to team with Vader in a cage match but Vader jumped Jack. That made Jack get the shovel and he’s been swinging it since. Back to ringside with Jack being sent into the barricade, followed by a top rope ax handle to the head back inside. Orndorff starts going after Jack’s bad knee, taking the brace off in the process, and then suplexes him over the top and onto the apron (that’s a new one).

The Figure Four goes on and Orndorff grabs the rope. For some reason the referee yells at him but Jack punches Orndorff in the face for the break instead. Makes sense. They head outside again with Orndorff sending him knee first into the concrete. The knee brace to the head sends Jack to the floor again and Orndorff unloads on the leg with a chair. Orndorff calls for the piledriver but Jack channels his inner Old Man Marley and hits him in the face with the shovel for the pin at 12:17.

Rating: B+. Now that was a lot of fun as these guys beat the living heck out of each other for twelve minutes. It takes something special to hang with Jack in a fight like this for so long and that’s what Orndorff was. He’s grown on me a good bit over the years and they had a really, really good brawl here. Orndorff looked awesome and Jack was crazy over with the fans so what more do you need?

Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

This is part of the Smoky Mountain Wrestling talent trade with WCW, meaning Jim Cornette is here with the Bodies. The idea is now former WCW boss Bill Watts brought out the Express as the SMW Tag Team Champions but Cornette came out with the Bodies and said not so fast. A feud was set off and it’s time to fight here, with Bobby Eaton out with Cornette and the Bodies.

So yes, Eaton and Stan Lane are against the Express and unfortunately we couldn’t get one last WCW match between the famous teams. The Express of course gets a crazy reaction and the fans can’t stand Cornette, partially because he talks about how ugly the fans are. It really isn’t all that hard you see. Eaton gets ejected before the bell (Cornette hugs him goodbye) and it’s Prichard driving Gibson into the corner to start.

A flying headscissors takes Prichard down though and it’s off to Morton for the hurricanrana. Lane comes in off a hot tag and is immediately armdragged into an armbar as the Bodies can’t get much going early on (because these people know how to book a southern tag match). Morton works on Lane’s arm and sends him into Prichard in the corner and Gibson comes in to do the opposite. Cornette and company need a breather on the floor, with Jesse making a thinly veiled gay joke.

A double backdrop puts Prichard down but he gets Morton into the corner. Morton is out in a hurry though and it’s a four way standoff. Morton and Lane hit the crisscross but Morton drops to the floor to chase Cornette. Back in and the Bodies get caught in a double noggin knocker and a right hand drops Cornette off the apron. Cornette gets a grab of Morton’s foot though and the Bodies FINALLY take over.

A swinging neckbreaker gets two on Morton and the chinlock goes on. The referee catches Lane trying to sneak in and breaks it up but Cornette distracts the referee as Morton grabs a sunset flip. Lane makes the save so Prichard can hit the powerbomb for two. A double DDT gets Morton out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Gibson to clean house.

Everything breaks down and it’s a double dropkick to Prichard but the illegal Lane and Morton distract the referee. Cornette comes in to distract Gibson though and Prichard is up with a bulldog. Morton is back up to take Prichard down for two but Cornette has the referee AGAIN. Cue Eaton, but he hits Prichard by mistake, allowing Gibson to get the fast pin at 12:53.

Rating: B. This is the old southern style tag match with five people who could do this match int heir sleep and then did it rather well indeed. It was a great flashback to a long gone era and that’s the point of something like SMW. Granted that didn’t work long term, but for a one off like this, it was pretty awesome.

Sting isn’t sure what to make of the White Castle of Fear.

US Title: Dustin Rhodes vs. Maxx Payne

Payne is challenging and substituting for an injured Ron Simmons. We even get a quick rule explanation and we’re ready to go. Dustin knocks him to the floor and then clotheslines him outside again. Back in and the armdrag sends Payne outside for a third time in less than two minutes. The armbar slows Payne down but he fights up, only to get caught in a running armdrag into another armbar.

Back up and Payne misses a charge into the corner, meaning we hit the armbar all over again. Payne fights to his feet again, misses a shot, and gets kneed in the arm again. Dustin charges into an elbow but gets up a boot in the corner. With nothing else working, Payne hits Dustin in the face and grabs…his own armbar. Egads can these people do anything else?

The Payne Killer (yes, another armbar) is blocked so Payne puts a knee in the chest instead. Some forearms put Dustin on the floor and a backdrop puts him down back inside. Dustin’s comeback thrills the people who haven’t left their seats and Payne misses an elbow drop. A running clothesline puts Payne down and a suplex gives Dustin two. The abdominal stretch goes on but Payne breaks it up, sending Dustin into the referee for the DQ at 11:29.

Rating: D. Egads what a mess this was. It was a bunch of armbars until they had a sloppy brawl and a bad ending. They really couldn’t come up with anyone better to challenge Dustin than Payne? I know Simmons wasn’t available but come on already. At least find someone who looks like a threat or you could pin.

Vader and Sting finally meet. These clips are less than ten seconds each and that might be for the best.

Here’s the returning Ric Flair to do commentary on the NWA World Title match. Flair is all fired up and reminds us that he never lost the title.

NWA World Title: Barry Windham vs. Great Muta

Windham is challenging and yes, we’re supposed to care about the NWA in 1993. Muta has Hiro Matsuda with him. We get the introductions and the WE WANT FLAIR chants are on again. Oh and the NWA allows you to come off the top, because the NWA and WCW had different rules and fans were supposed to be interested in all of this stuff. Feeling out process to start and Windham easily gets the better of a test of strength.

That’s broken up and Muta headlocks him to the mat, with Windham at least trying to fight up, which is something you don’t see often enough in a situation like this. Windham fights up for a belly to back suplex attempt but can’t escape yet. Back up and Muta scores with a dropkick so the headlock can go on again. Windham still can’t suplex his way out and we’re told it’s ten minutes in, even though it’s been less than seven.

Muta snaps off a suplex and drops the power drive elbow. The headlock stays on, they fight up, the headlock takes them down again. Another dropkick misses though and Windham hits a DDT for no cover. Windham knocks him outside as Jesse talks about Flair’s intimidating security team at ringside. Back in and Windham drops some knees to the head for two before grabbing the sleeper.

That stays on for a good while as the rather slow pace continues. Some feet on the ropes make it clear that Windham is the heel here, though I have a problem believing that the fans are going to be interested in anyone but Flair. Back up and Windham gets two off a gutwrench suplex before sending Muta outside. That lets Muta get fired up and the slugout is on with Windham getting the better of it and grabbing a chinlock. Muta fights up with some shots to the face but can’t get a sunset flip.

Windham’s piledriver attempt is countered with a backdrop so he knocks Muta right back down. The superplex is broken up though and now the comeback is on, including the handspring elbow. Muta misses the moonsault (as pretty as ever) but he’s fine enough to hit a belly to back suplex. Another moonsault attempt hits knees and Windham hits the implant DDT (or close to it as Muta was still on his feet while Windham landed) for the pin and the title at 24:09.

Rating: D. Well that didn’t work and the reason was Ric Flair. Ok so maybe that was part of it, along with Muta apparently having the flu. At the end of the day though, the fans only cared about Flair and were stuck waiting almost five more months before he would win the title. I’m sure there’s a logic to it, but having anything involving the NWA at this point was a waste of time.

Vader and Sting strap up.

The hosts make their main event picks.

Vader vs. Sting

Vader’s World Title isn’t on the line and it’s a strap match (four corners version) with Harley Race in Vader’s corner. They take their sweet time setting up the strap, allowing Jesse to point out how hard it’s going to be for Sting to pull Vader anyway. Vader uses the strap to pull him down to start and then does it again to set up the story of the match in a hurry. Sting is down again so Vader drops an elbow to the ribs as commentary explains the always hazy “broken momentum” rule.

A middle rope splash crushes Sting but he’s back up with those shots to the face that only he could make work. An enziguri of all things puts Vader down but Jesse points out that you can’t drag Vader around when he’s on the mat. The top rope splash makes the problem worse but Vader starts rolling around. Sting starts whipping away, including a shot to knock Race off the apron.

It’s time to go outside with Vader being pulled hard into the post and there’s a slam to put Vader down on the floor. Sting gets two buckles (posts actually) out there but gets sent hard into the barricade to break that up. Vader’s back is bleeding after that whipping so Sting makes it worse with a Samoan drop back inside. The standing body splashes put Sting down but he backdrops his way out of a powerbomb to show off the strength. Sting misses a top rope splash and gets crushed by Vader’s version.

There’s a Samoan drop to Sting to even the score and the Vader Bomb has Race celebrating. Now it’s time to whip Sting, with Jesse saying it’s like Tony whipping his children. A super Samoan drop knocks Sting silly but Vader can only get two buckles. The Vader Bomb misses and the fans are all happy again. The breather lets Sting crotch Vader on top and a slam brings him back down.

Vader is up first again though and hits Sting in the face, only to have Sting do it right back. A superplex takes Sting down again for three buckles but Sting ties his leg around the ropes. Sting drops Vader again and the momentum is broken. You don’t tick Vader off though so he unloads with rights and lefts in the corner. Vader uses the strap to pull him in so Sting uses a Liger kick to get a knockdown.

There’s a DDT but the referee gets bumped. Sting doesn’t seem to mind as he picks Vader up in a fireman’s carry for three, only to trip over the referee. Sting is exhausted so Vader sits on his chest and ties him up for three, but Sting isn’t done. He is however eternally stupid though and kicks Vader into the corner to give him the win at 20:54.

Rating: A-. Like these two could ever do anything wrong. Vader’s back was SCARY out there as he was covered in blood and looked like he had fallen on glass. This was what you would expect out of Vader and Sting, even if the White Castle deal was pure early 90s WCW stupidity. Ignoring that though, it’s a heck of a fight and makes me want to watch them go at it again, which they would do for a long time to come.

Post match Sting whips Vader to the floor.

Barry Windham joins the hosts and promises to win all the titles.

Tony and Jesse wrap us up.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: B+. There are bad things on the show but the stuff that works are more than enough to make up for them. This is an awesome show and a true hidden gem that no one ever talks about. Aside from the White Castle stuff and thinking the NWA still mattered (I’m still surprised it even existed) at this point, they let the wrestling speak for itself here and that is often a very good idea. Make a few changes and this is an all time classic, but as it is, it’s just a heck of a show and worth seeing if you clip some stuff out.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 9, 2006
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman

We’re past New Year’s Revolution, meaning that it’s time to go towards the Royal Rumble and Edge has “stolen” (not really but it’s what commentary is saying) the Raw World Title from John Cena. It should be interesting to see where he goes from here, as he only has so many ways to go to get to the Rumble where he can lose the title back to Cena. Let’s get to it.

Here is New Year’s Revolution if you need a recap

Elimination Chamber/cash-in recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s a fired up Cena to get things going, but these fans need to bring it louder with the mixed reactions. Cena talks about how many choices there are to make, like Edge choosing to cash in Money in the Bank and fans choosing to boo or ride with him. Cena is going to bat for everyone who rides with him and tells the people who are drinking the Haterade what they can do. He wants his rematch with Edge right here tonight (good thing there’s a rematch clause in the Money in the Bank contract).

Cue Lita with the title to say the rematch is coming at the Rumble, not tonight (apparently thanks to some special persuasion of Vince McMahon). Instead, Edge has something else to do tonight, and it’s going to be with Lita, in the middle of the ring. Tonight though, Edge is going to last longer than two minutes. Edge knows what to do do in bed and unlike Cena, he knows how to wrestle. Lita goes to leave but Cena tells the “one woman hooker parade to stop.” There may be a lot of people here who think he sucks but everyone KNOWS she can. Cena is taking the title back at the Rumble.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Ashley

Trish is defending and Mickie James insists that the fans cheer Trish a lot louder than that. After Trish isn’t exactly cool with that, Ashley gets some of the least convincing headlocks I can ever remember. Trish shrugs it off but gets dropped on her face out of the corner….so Mickie comes in for the DQ in a hurry.

Post match Lilian messes up the announcement and says Trish is the winner, causing some confusing.

Rob Van Dam is back in the Royal Rumble.

Cena meets with Vince in the back and talks about the first ever live sex celebration tonight. If Cena interferes, there is no rematch at the Rumble. Cena is fine with that, but points out that Vince still has some evidence of Lita’s, uh, persuasion. Vince will take care of that.

Chris Masters grabs Carlito and demands answers after last night. Eventually Masters lets go because he doesn’t have the best attention span.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Rob Conway vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo slugs away to start and hits the Eddie pose, only to get thrown over the top and kicked out to the floor. Back in and Chavo knocks him outside for a change, setting up the dive. Chavo snaps off a headscissors and hammers away in the corner, only to have Conway roll through a high crossbody for two. Conway stops to mock the Eddie pose so Chavo grabs Three Amigos. The frog splash finishes Conway without much trouble.

Rating: C-. I’m not sure if that’s the best choice for a followup match to the nothing opener but Chavo is always good for a mostly smooth match. Conway is good for the same, though it’s clear that nothing is going to be happening with him anytime soon. I’ll take a passable yet boring match over a bad one though so at least it’s an upgrade. Kind of.

Wrestlemania Big Time moment: Edge wins the Money in the Bank briefcase.

Kurt Angle comes in to see Shawn Michaels because they’re partners tonight. No, they don’t trust each other.

Shelton Benjamin and Mama Benjamin run into Val Venis because Mama has seen some of his movies. Val lists off some of his titles, sending Mama into a rant about being a good Christian woman and how Venis is going to h***. Tonight, against Shelton.

Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Shawn Michaels/Kurt Angle

Daivari is here with Angle and Shawn. It’s a brawl to start until Masters is sent outside, leaving Shawn to elbow Carlito for one. The headlock goes on and Shawn grabs the hair to keep it on. Angle comes in to continue the headlocking and it’s off to Shawn and Masters. Shawn knocks him around for a bit and hands it back to Angle, who walks into a powerslam. It’s too early for the Masterlock as Angle reverses into a German suplex. Shawn and Angle are knocked to the floor though and an argument takes us to a break.

Back with Carlito hammering on Angle until he snaps off a belly to belly for a breather. Shawn gets the hot tag and starts cleaning house, including the top rope elbow to asters. Carlito breaks up Sweet Chin Music though and crotches Shawn against the st to put him down. The chinlock goes on as Shawn is bleeding from the forehead. Shawn fights up and hits a backdrop as Daivari needs to point something out to Angle.

As a result, Shawn has to DDT Masters but Angle needs to make sure that Daivari still has his gold medal. I’d be more worried about why it had a red white and blue strap around it last night and a green one tonight but that’s just me. Anyway Shawn pulls Angle over the top and gives him Sweet Chin Music, leaving Angle to get Masterlocked as Shawn is rather pleased. Shawn superkicks Daivari as Angle is out.

Rating: C. I’m assuming we’re coming up on Angle vs. Michaels again and that could be another classic. Other than that, the match itself was a long form acceptable tag match, but not exactly memorable. There is only so much that you can get out of Carlito and Masters in the ring and that is becoming more and more obvious every week.

Wrestlemania is coming.

Vince runs into Shawn and gives him another match with Angle next week. After that, they’re moving on.

HHH says last night was crazy but he is the one constant around here. That’s why he’s winning the Royal Rumble and the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania.

Torrie Wilson, Candice Michelle and Victoria test out Edge and Lita’s bed.

Last night, Edge and Lita promised a live sex celebration for Raw. Shouldn’t this have been aired before the announcement?

Stacy Keibler is still on Dancing With The Stars.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Shelton Benjamin vs. Val Venis

Mama Benjamin is here too. Shelton kicks him into the corner but Val punches his way out without much trouble. Val knocks him outside so Shelton can hide behind Mama, allowing a cheap shot to Val on the way back in. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Val is up with a Rock Bottom for two and he ducks the Dragon Whip. The Money Shot misses but Shelton gets pulled off the top. With Shelton down, Mama pulls out one of her hair pins and stabs Val in the back of the trunks, knocking him into the exploder for the pin.

Rating: C-. What matters most here is Mama was toned WAY down here, to the point where she was talking only slightly more than a usual manager. They also didn’t have her mic’d up as much and it made a big difference. Turning Shelton heel with the help of his Mama is fine, but don’t make Mama the star like you were doing last night.

Royal Rumble Qualifying Match: Kane vs. Snitsky

Snitsky jumps him and gets chokeslammed for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match Kane promises 29 more victims at the Royal Rumble. When is he going to promise to defend the Tag Team Titles?

Edge arrives.

Here are Edge and Lita for their celebration. Edge: “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” Edge brags about everything he did last night and how no one saw it coming. You don’t have to be the biggest or strongest in this business because you need to be the smartest. He and Lita have saved themselves for tonight so hit the music.

The title is placed on the pillow and Edge takes his shoes off. He gets to take off Lita’s boots as Coach wonders if Snitsky is watching. They disrobe each other and Edge unhooks Lita’s bra before covering her with the blanket. Various movements are made under said blanket and Edge comes out with Lita’s underwear in his mouth.

Cue Ric Flair to talk about what it means to become WWE Champion. Edge doesn’t have any of that and he’s dead in the bed Fred. Now Flair is going to show Edge how to do everything….so Edge hits Flair in the head with a chair. The Conchairto crushes Flair’s head, drawing out Cena for the late save. Edge runs as an FU to Lita ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. Famous ending segment aside, this was just a run of the mill show. They’re getting ready for the Rumble now though and that’s the best thing that can happen at the moment. The show is one of the most important of the year and it should be nice to see things with a big time goal. I’m not sure how much of a future Edge has, but he certainly started on a high note. Now just follow up on it.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Armageddon 2005
Date: December 18, 2005
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re almost done with the year and we’ll wrap it up inside the Cell with Undertaker vs. Randy Orton in the final blowoff. Other than that, it’s the Raw Tag Team Champions vs. the Smackdown Tag Team Champions as Big Show/Kane face Rey Mysterio and Batista. I think you can tell they’re wrapping the year up with that second big match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about Undertaker vs. Orton. Fair enough in this case.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Matt Hardy

JBL’s leg is fine after being on crutches Friday. Before Matt comes out, JBL talks about how the smallest state has the biggest star tonight. Matt always talks about how he will not die, even though he lost his girlfriend and got fired. The shirt should say “I wish I was dead.” Matt’s intro cuts JBL off and the fight is on in a hurry. JBL slugs away and sends him into the ropes, with Matt’s head getting tied between them. Ever the villain, JBL kicks the tied head and then pulls on Matt’s legs.

The referee finally gets Matt loose so JBL drops a bunch of elbows. There’s another kick to the head but Matt fights up and hits a DDT for two. A big running shoulder takes Matt down again and JBL pokes him in the eye for good measure. Matt gets in a shot of his own and hits a top rope moonsault for two. JBL gets a turnbuckle pad off though and Matt gets whipped into the steel, setting up the Clothesline From JBL for the pin.

Rating: D+. This felt like it was added to fill in some time on the show as an interrupted interview isn’t exactly a hot angle to set up a pay per view match. On the one hand it makes sense to boost JBL up so he can be fed to someone else later, but my goodness it’s hard to watch Matt bounce down the ranks like he’s been doing.

We recap Melina failing to get Batista to back out of the Tag Team Title match on Friday. Batista and Rey Mysterio would go on to win the titles.

The Mexicools offer to cancel the match tonight in exchange for some, ahem, favors for Melina. She isn’t interested.

We look at Undertaker massacring Mankind inside the Cell. That one still has so much impact as Foley probably shouldn’t have survived.

MNM vs. Mexicools

Psicosis/Super Crazy for the Mexicools in a match that was supposed to be for the titles until Batista and Rey happened. Mercury works on Psicosis’ arm to start and it’s already off to Nitro, who is armdragged straight down. Psicosis misses his running dropkick in the corner as Cole makes various Melina jokes. MNM gets knocked outside for a dive from Psicosis, followed by Crazy diving over the referee in a cool spot.

Back in and Mercury stomps on Psicosis, followed by Nitro breaking up a sunset flip with a stomp to the face. Nitro’s breakdancing legdrop sets up a front facelock, followed by some straight right hands to the face. Psicosis gets in an enziguri though and the hot tag brings in Crazy to clean house. A tornado DDT gets two on Mercury and, after Melina is shoved off the apron, the moonsault hits Mercury for two with Nitro making the save. Back up and the Snapshot is good for the fast pin on Crazy.

Rating: C+. The Mexicools are a good lucha team and could have some nice high flying matches like this one. It’s a good idea to have MNM beat a high energy team like that before they get their rematch for the titles. If nothing else, it’s nice to act like there is an actual division rather than two teams fighting over the titles for a change.

Sharmell doesn’t like Booker being asked a question and says tonight, Booker is sweeping Chris Benoit. Interviewer Krystal can ride the broom home if she can’t find a car.

We recap the best of seven series, with Booker cheating to go up 3-0.

Booker T. vs. Chris Benoit

Booker is up 3-0 so it’s a title match for him. The early lockup doesn’t go anywhere but Booker stalls on the floor anyway. Back in and Booker drives him into the corner for a clean break so Benoit chops him to the floor. Back in again and Benoit takes him to the mat without much trouble but Booker actually grabs a hammerlock to take over. A quick Crossface attempt sends Booker outside again for another breather.

Booker gets back in so Benoit starts in on the leg but Booker is up again in a hurry. A back elbow to the face drops Benoit again and a hard suplex gives Booker two. Benoit is right back up with a snap German suplex for two, only to have Booker knee him to the floor. They chop it out until Benoit gets posted to cut him off again. The abdominal stretch goes on back inside but Benoit hiptosses his way to freedom.

A double clothesline gives us a double knockdown but it’s Benoit up first with the rolling German suplexes, plus Three Amigos for a bonus. Sharmell uses the broom to break up the Swan Dive though and Booker hits the missile dropkick for two. Sharmell offers another distraction and gets in a low blow so Booker’s ax kick can connect for two more.

The Crossface sends Booker to the ropes so Benoit rolls more German suplexes. Now it’s the Swan Dive for two but the referee gets bumped. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter to make Booker tap. That’s released so Benoit can check the referee, meaning Booker can try the Book End, which is reversed into a DDT. Now the Crossface can make Booker tap to make it 3-1.

Rating: B. These two can do this without missing a beat every single time and that was the case again here. Benoit had to fight to survive here and that will likely be the case again going forward. That being said, it’s getting a little more difficult to care about seeing a fourth match and the next three (more than likely) are going to have even less interest. Then again, the quality is still good so what do I know?

Undertaker chokeslammed Rikishi off the Cell. They do know we saw these clips on Smackdown right?

Here are Teddy Long and Palmer Cannon to thank the fans for a great 2005. They have a treat for the fans: Santa Claus and his elf, who may very well be Vito and Nunzio. They aren’t your traditional Santa and elf though as they’re tired of giving and want their own presents. Maybe a Tag Team Title shot, or a Cruiserweight Title shot! Cannon has a gift for them, so here’s the Boogeyman to sing a Christmas carol about how he’s coming to get you. Pain ensues and worms are consumed in a hurry as Vito has some issues controlling his inner functions, meaning the suit is probably ruined.

Video on Undertaker vs. Randy Orton to set up the Cell match. It feels like they’re filling in a lot of time here, though this might be to clear the ring.

Bobby Lashley vs. William Regal/Paul Burchill

Burchill starts for the team and actually takes Lashley down for some knees and elbows to the back. Regal comes in for more of the same, followed by Burchill’s knee to the back for two. Lashley drives Regal into the corner without much trouble and then snaps off a suplex to send Regal into the corner. The powerslam plants Regal though and a Dominator finishes Burchill without much trouble.

Rating: D+. Another match that could have been on Smackdown, but do we really need Lashley in a handicap match beating two low level guys? We’ve seen something like this for months now and Lashley was already in the main event of a major pay per view. It’s kind of a step backwards, but if this is the only rehab he needs, he should be fine.

And now, we go to the Friendly Tap, owned by former WWE referee Tim White. He doesn’t seem happy here and keeps drinking, even as we see him refereeing HHH vs. Chris Jericho inside the Cell in 2002. White injured his shoulder in the match and he says it ruined his life. He took it out on his wife and his family doesn’t talk to him anymore. White doesn’t have anything to live for anymore, so Josh Matthews wishes him a White Christmas. Josh: “Get it? Because your name is White!” In response, White whips out a shotgun, steps off camera, and fires.

This would lead to one of the most tasteless and, given what would happen in the company about a year and a half later, horrible series of segments ever with Lunchtime Suicides, where White would attempt to kill himself in a variety of ways for the next several weeks. That would be one of those things that WWE would bury in their archives while fans tried to figure out what the heck they were thinking with the videos.

So a former WWE name just shot himself on live pay per view. Less than fifteen seconds later, it’s time for our next match. Can’t grieve forever I guess.

Cruiserweight Title: Kid Kash vs. Juventud Guerrera

Kash is challenging and they hammer away at each other to start. A running dropkick stops Kash and a headscissors takes him down again. Juvy gets two off a standing hurricanrana and the Fujiwara armbar goes on. A backdrop puts Kash on the floor for a slingshot dive but Kash takes over on the arm. Back in and the armbar has Juvy in trouble so Kash sends him shoulder first into the buckle.

There’s a hammerlock slam for two as Cole talks to Tazz about Hooked on Phonics, because we’re supposed to ignore Tim White shooting himself five minutes ago. Kash’s double jump moonsault hits knees and Juvy kicks him in the face. They both wind up on top with Juvy snapping off a super hurricanrana for a delayed two. The Juvy Driver sets up….actually a flipping legdrop instead of the 450 but it doesn’t connect anyway. Kash hits the Dead Level brainbuster for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. This was another match that could have been on any given Smackdown (a trend tonight), though it still comes after a suicide on live television. I know it wound up being a joke but the shock value alone should be enough to pause for a second instead of going straight into another match. That’s not something that you can just drop and it isn’t working here whatsoever. It doesn’t help when you go to the Cruiserweight Title match, which is hardly top level interesting stuff in the first place.

We recap the Raw vs. Smackdown tag team match. It’s fallout from Survivor Series and the Smackdown Special, with Kane and Big Show attacking Rey Mysterio, drawing in Batista to help him out. They’re both Tag Team Champions as well.

Batista/Rey Mysterio vs. Big Show/Kane

Non-title and Batista starts with Big Show. Batista gets launched into the corner early on and then Show does it again for a bonus. A waistlock doesn’t work either for Batista so he slugs away and gets a boot up in the corner. The chokeslam attempt is broken up and Show kicks him in the face. Kane comes in and gets suplexed in a hurry, only to come back with the side slam. The top rope clothesline misses though and it’s off to Rey for some sticking and moving.

That just earns him a stare from Kane so Rey hammers away in the corner. Rey kicks him into the 619 position as everything breaks down. Rey gets taken to the floor with Show posting him and then tossing Rey over the top in a heap. Back in and Rey can’t get anywhere with right hands to Kane so he goes with the sitout bulldog instead. The hot tag brings in Batista for a spear and spinebuster to Kane. Batista and Show fight to the floor, leaving Kane to pop up for a chokeslam and the fast pin.

Rating: D+. What in the world was that? This was the second biggest show on the card and it felt like a house show main event where they wanted to get out of town and hit the road as fast as possible. There was nothing to this one and it’s pretty annoying that they changed the Tag Team Titles for the sake of this. I know it doesn’t matter in the short or long term, but this could have been a lot more, even though it was hardly important in the first place.

One more Undertaker Cell clip: destroying Shawn Michaels in 1997.

The Cell is lowered.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Inside the Cell in case you don’t have the best attention span and Bob Orton is here with Randy. Orton runs away to start and tries a headlock, which earns him a hard knockdown. Back in and Undertaker’s own headlock doesn’t last long as Orton escapes and gets two off a dropkick. Some right hands in the corner just annoy Undertaker, who launches Orton into the corner and hammers away. They head outside with Undertaker kicking him in the face to send Orton crawling away in a great visual.

One heck of a chair shot drops Randy so Undertaker rakes Orton’s face across the Cell. That lets Cole compare it to a cheese grater to the head, as usual making me wonder why he knows what that is like. Orton is busted open as Undertaker wraps a chain around his throat, followed by a lawn darting into the Cell. Back up and Orton manages an RKO across the top rope (a variation you don’t get very often) for his first major offense.

The steps bounce off of Undertaker’s head to bust him open and adds another chair shot. Undertaker falls back to the floor but manages a headbutt, followed by a whip into the Cell. Back in and Undertaker goes up top (!), only to miss a top rope elbow. Orton brings in a chair as Undertaker falls outside again, with Bob grabbing him by the hair through the Cell. Bob gets punched and kicked in the face to bust him open as well.

Randy jumps Undertaker from behind and powerslams him into the Cell for two on the floor. Back in and Undertaker’s running clothesline gets two, followed by Old School. Snake Eyes into the big boot into the legdrop gets two and it’s a chokeslam to plant Orton. That’s only good for two though as Orton gets his foot on the rope. Normally I would roll my eyes and ask “In the Cell?” but it’s even dumber when they just had a near fall on the floor, meaning falls count anywhere, except in the ropes.

Orton fights back and puts Undertaker on the table for a top rope splash partially through it for two. The Last Ride out of the corner is countered so Undertaker punches out the referee. The RKO connects for no cover so here’s another referee to come in, with Bob (holding the urn), following him.

Undertaker kicks out at two and sits up, setting up the Last Ride. Bob takes out the second referee and gets sent into the Cell to make the blood even worse. Randy counters the Tombstone into one of his own (Tazz: “I’ve never seen anyone do that!”) and Undertaker can’t sit up. He does on the second time, blocks the RKO, urns and Tombstones Bob, and Tombstones Randy for the pin.

Rating: B+. This got going big near the end as it felt like a violent fight instead of a match that happened to take place in the Cell. That’s what the match needed to be and it worked well as Undertaker can still turn it on. Orton got going rather well too, and even though he was in way over his head, it was a heck of a fight that they needed to blow the feud off once and for all.

Undertaker poses on top of the Cell with the urn to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There are two rather good matches on here but that’s not enough to save the rest of this mess. Of the seven matches on the card, three of them felt like they belonged on a pay per view and one of them was a big disappointment. I need a lot more than this for a two hour and forty minute show and it just didn’t work. Smackdown was in a bad place at the moment and while Booker vs. Benoit and the Cell were good, it’s not enough to warrant a pay per view level price.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: December 16, 2005
Location: MassMutual Center, Springfield, Massachusetts
Attendance: 3,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Armageddon and that means it’s going to be a lot more about Undertaker vs. Randy Orton. That’s the most logical way to go when there isn’t much else of note on the card. We do have the Raw vs. Smackdown tag match, but that’s hardly the most thrilling story in the world. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Undertaker’s supernatural stalking of Orton last week. Looking at this all together makes it look a lot dumber.

Opening sequence.

Boogeyman vs. Nunzio

Boogeyman is officially “the weirdest superstar in sports entertainment history”. Vito is here with Nunzio and I can’t imagine that is going to help. The arena is full of smoke and Boogeyman shrugs off some early shots. Worms are consumed and the pumphandle powerslam is good for the fast pin.

Post match, Nunzio is wormed as well.

The roster is watching in the back and Sylvan is disgusted. There are probably twenty people back there. Get more monitors.

Bob Orton is having Randy see a sports psychologist before Sunday.

We look at Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels in the Cell.

Randy is on the psychologist’s couch and says he sees Undertaker everywhere, from in the car next to him to in the mirror behind him. The doctor wants to hear about the Cell and Orton freaks out about the idea even more. He needs some sort of control and the doctor tells him to pick one of two roads before him.

Batista is getting ready when Melina comes in and starts rubbing his shoulders. MNM is ready for their match against Batista and Mysterio but they have to face the Mexicools on Sunday. If Batista will withdraw from the match, she can make it worth his while. Melina winds up on his lap and the camera is no longer needed.

We see some of the Armageddon press conference. How low on the list do you have to be to get that assignment?

Kid Kash vs. Super Crazy

Kash is confused by having all three Mexicools here. Or maybe he’s wondering why they’re on riding lawnmowers. No seriously, why are they on riding lawnmowers? Who thought that was a good idea? Crazy monkey flips him to start and Kash is staggered early on. Kash heads to the apron and grabs a neckbreaker over the top rope to take over. Some knees and kicks keep Crazy in trouble but he grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Crazy hits some dropkicks for two and a DDT sets up the moonsault….which only hits mat. The brainbuster gives Kash the pin.

Rating: C. Completely watchable match here as we get ready for Sunday’s title match. I’ll give them points for trying anything else in the cruiserweight division as there is only so much you can do with the same three or four people over and over. Kash might not be the best choice, but he’s better than the same matches over and over for years.

Randy gets done with therapy and tells Bob that he needs to make a decision. We’ll see what that is later.

Melina puts her shirt back on and Batista adjusts his trunks. Melina says they have a deal. Actually no, but Batista thanks her for the warmup. He’s ready to go kill MNM. As usual, Batista comes off as being smarter than everyone else around him, which was an important part of what got him over in the first place.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

Video on Mysterio/Batista vs. Kane/Big Show.

Tag Team Titles: Rey Mysterio/Batista vs. MNM

MNM is defending and Melina is ticked at Batista. Mercury and Rey start things off and there’s the required EDDIE chant. Mysterio starts in on the arm and gets two off an early sunset flip. It’s off to Batista as the arena is still full of smoke from the entrances. Nitro’s superkick is blocked and Batista hammers away in the corner. Mercury comes back in and his forearms have as much effect as you would expect. The champs are both clotheslined to the floor and Rey adds a moonsault to send us to a break.

Back with Rey headscissoring Nitro for two and hitting ten right hands to Mercury in the corner. A distraction lets Nitro hit a slingshot powerbomb for two and there’s a clothesline to the back of Rey’s head. Nitro grabs a backbreaker into a Russian legsweep and Melina pulls Rey outside for a crash.

Back in and Mercury drives Rey back in to keep the ring cut off, because old school wrestling still works if it is done right. Melina has to offer a distraction so the champs can pull Rey back into the corner. Mercury takes him up so Rey snaps off a super hurricanrana, finally allowing the hot tag to Batista. Everything breaks down and the 619 hits Melina. The Batista Bomb finishes Mercury for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C+. This was a formula tag match to make Sunday’s Raw vs. Smackdown match champions vs. champions. Odds are the titles will change back in a few weeks (at most) and while it is annoying that MNM lose the titles again, it’s not like this is anything more than a short form title change. And the Melina/Batista deal was funny for a bonus.

We look at Undertaker chokeslamming Rikishi off the Cell.

Bobby Lashley vs. Paul Burchill

William Regal is with Burchill. Lashley throws him outside to start and hits some shoulders to the ribs in the corner. A belly to belly into the Dominator finishes Burchill in a hurry.

Matt Hardy is ready for Booker T. tonight when JBL, on crutches, interrupts. That’s not cool with Matt, though JBL knocks him down anyway, triggering a brawl.

Teddy Long talks to the psychologist, but the session with Randy is confidential. He thinks the Cell match is barbaric and storms off.

Batista and Rey are happy with their win so here’s Randy to interrupt. Randy congratulates them and we get a tense handshake.

Armageddon rundown, with JBL vs. Matt Hardy added.

One time, Undertaker threw Mankind off the Cell.

Matt Hardy vs. Booker T.

JBL is on commentary and Sharmell, with a broom, is in Booker’s corner. Joined in progress with Booker knocking him into the corner but Matt slugs him over the top. A JBL distraction lets Booker kick away and the chinlock goes on. Matt fights up and hits a neckbreaker into a bulldog for two. There’s the Side Effect to set up the top rope legdrop for two more but Sharmell offers a distraction. JBL gets in the Clothesline and Booker hits the ax kick for the pin.

Rating: C-. Just a match here as we set up Matt vs. JBL on Sunday and keep Booker warm for the US Title match. It’s not like Booker loses anything by having someone interfere either, making this a fairly well put together match. Not that the match itself was good, but the setup was and that’s more important.

Randy tells his dad that yes, he is sure about this.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

Here’s Randy for his big announcement. He has accomplished a lot in his career, including his Survivor Series success and being a certified legend killer. What he’s learned now though is no one can’t destroy the legend of the Undertaker. Undertaker has destroyed everyone in the Cell but that won’t happen to him.

When he was on that couch, he realized something. He isn’t going to have his grandkids on his lap and let them believe that he gave up. So he’s going out on top, meaning he’s retiring right now. He’s killing his own legend, right now. Cue Teddy Long to say not so fast. If he doesn’t show up on Sunday, it’s going to be a big lawsuit. Randy isn’t happy….and there’s the gong.

Cue the druids followed by the Undertaker so Orton immediately begs off. One of the druids pulls out the urn and it’s Bob Orton, allowing Randy to jump Undertaker. The RKO drops Undertaker but he sits up, meaning Randy chairs him right back down. Another (unprotected) chair shot to the head still can’t keep Undertaker down, though it can bust him open. It’s an urn shot to the head. Orton unloads with the chair and promises to end Undertaker to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was almost all about the Orton vs. Undertaker and Raw vs. Smackdown matches, which works out well enough. Sunday should be a big event and then Raw gets to take the next night off because of Tribute to the Troops. Then we can get on to the Royal Rumble build, which could go a few different ways this time around. Not a bad show here, but it’s getting close to the finish line before we can start the new year in a big way.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 14, 2005
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

And then everything changed as Eddie Guerrero passed away in a stunning moment, dying of heart failure on Sunday, November 13, 2005. As you can probably guess, everything has shut down for the time being as a result and this will not be your normal show. I’m not sure what to think about this so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The Raw and Smackdown rosters are on the stage, complete with the low rider, with Vince McMahon saying that we are celebrating his life. Vince talks about how Eddie loved to perform and he loved to be out in front of the fans trying to steal the show. Tonight will be a tribute to Eddie, starting with a moment of silence as the bell is tolled ten times.

We get a video tribute to Eddie, set to Johnny Cash’s Hurt, edited off of the Network version of course. It finishes with a shot of Eddie’s smile, because how else could it end.

Back in the arena, Vince says VIVA LA RAZA and a lot of crying ensues.

John Cena gets the first sitdown interview talking about Eddie. He says you’ll hear from a lot of people tonight and you’ll hear them all say that Eddie was a great man. On a personal level, Eddie helped mentor Cena when he was starting and was even a father figure to him. Eddie taught him to find his heart and that isn’t something you can teach.

We see Eddie spraying Big Show with sewage.

Big Show/Kane vs. MNM

Non-title. Nitro tries to circle around Show and gets chopped hard for his efforts. Kane comes in for a running clothesline but a Melina distraction lets Mercury break up the top rope clothesline. Another distraction lets Nitro get in a belt shot for two on Kane but he sits back up. Some running kicks to the face cut him down again so he suplexes them both at once. That’s enough for the hot tag to Show and house is cleaned, including a kiss to Melina. Now Kane’s top rope clothesline connects and the double chokeslam finishes Nitro.

Rating: D+. The ratings on a show like this are going to be a lot more lax than usual as there is only so much you can complain about given the circumstances. Big Show and Kane beating anyone is acceptable enough and MNM aren’t the kind of champions who are going to win a fist fight anyway. Not a terrible match but they got in and out pretty quickly.

Lilian Garcia talks about speaking in Spanish with Eddie. Her fondest memory is being in a small group with him in Iraq last year and seeing Eddie being so humble around the troops.

Here’s Eddie auctioning off some of Kurt Angle’s stuff.

Kurt Angle vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shelton gets the college pop and slugs away at Angle to start. That just gets him suplexed and stomped in the corner, followed by the waistlock. Some backbreakers set up a reverse chinlock with a knee in the back but Shelton fights up and grabs a DDT. The comeback is on with the clotheslines into the Samoan drop.

Shelton hits the Dragon Whip for two and there’s the top rope clothesline for a bonus. The rolling German suplexes are countered into a rollup for two more but Angle clotheslines him down. Shelton catches him on top with a German superplex (with Angle almost landing on his head). That’s good for two but Angle pulls him into the ankle lock with the grapevine for the tap.

Rating: C+. This was more like the old Shelton and that’s a very good thing to see. When he was on a roll he could hang with anyone in the world, if not outright beat them, and Angle was no exception. That being said, Angle was feeling it here and that’s one of the best things you can see. It’s almost impossible to screw up Angle vs. Benjamin and they didn’t come close here.

Post match Angle holds up an Eddie armband in a nice moment.

Shawn Michaels talks about his relationship with Eddie being built around faith. His last breath here was his first breath in eternity and they will wrestle one day on the biggest stage of them all.

We get a montage of the Eddie and Chavo Lie/Cheat/Steal vignettes and they are still some of the best things from that era.

Chavo Guerrero talks about how they were uncle and nephew but really more like brothers. We hear about the two of them wrestling in intermissions of their grandfather’s shows and they had to stop because fans were watching them and not going to the concession stands. They always wanted to be Tag Team Champions and that’s what they did, with one of their first matches being against Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit. After the match, Angle came up to Chavo and said they beat them up pretty badly. They were a great team because they knew each other inside and out. Eddie was Chavo’s brother and he’ll see him again.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rey Mysterio

They’re both wearing I’m Your Papi shirts and it’s hard not to smile. We get a handshake to start and it’s Shawn working on the arm. A fight over arm control sets up a pair of kickoffs and that means a standoff. Joey brings up the good point of Shawn rarely being the bigger man, showing that even he can have some insight when he stops thinking he’s a radio announcer for ten seconds.

Shawn catapults him to the apron but Rey is back in with a springboard Thesz press for two. Mysterio tosses him outside and we take a break. Back with Shawn holding a sleeper, followed by a backbreaker and knees to the back to send Rey outside. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back but Rey fights up, hits the Eddie dance, and dropkicks Shawn in the face for two.

Shawn hits the forearm though and Coach predicts that he’ll nip up. That’s exactly true but Shawn has to duck the 619. A clothesline gives Shawn two and he drops Rey with a second one for a bonus. There’s the top rope elbow but Sweet Chin Music misses. Instead Rey hurricanranas him into the 619 and Dropping The Dime finishes Shawn.

Rating: B-. You can only get so much out of matches like this but they did what they were supposed to do out here: entertain the fans during a trying time. Shawn isn’t going to be hurt a bit by losing to Mysterio and it’s hardly a stretch that Mysterio could beat him in the first place. This was a feel good moment and a pretty good match as well, which is all you should have expected.

Batista talks about getting close to Eddie over the last few months and how shocked he was by hearing the news this morning. Eddie was an inspiration and Batista misses him.

Battle Royal

Ashley, Maria, Christy Hemme, Victoria, Melina, Jillian Hall, Mickie James, Candice Michelle, Trish Stratus

Non-title and they’re all in Eddie shirts, which all come off at the same time for the expected reactions. Trish and Victoria wind up on top in a hurry for a slugout and Jillian dumps Mickie early. Maria knocks Jillian out and Candice gets sent to the apron, where she manages to do the Go Daddy Dance but come back in anyway. Victoria sends Christy to the apron and Candice gets the elimination but Trish headscissors Candice out. Maria gets rid of Victoria and we’re down to Maria, Trish and Victoria. Melina tosses Maria and blocks Stratusfaction to get rid of Trish for the win.

Rating: D. What else were you expecting here? The match was all about one thing and the women delivered it, albeit with a bit of a surprise winner. Battle royals are fair game for something like this and it’s not like anyone winning or losing matters in the first place, especially on a show like this one.

Rey Mysterio talks about the bond he and Eddie shared. He misses Eddie right now and wishes that this was a dream. After a pause, Rey talks about what an inspiration Eddie really was to everyone. Rey even takes the mask off as he puts his head in his hands. This is not included on the Network version.

We see the still amazing moment of Eddie and Chris Benoit at the end of Wrestlemania XX.

Simon Dean vs. Eugene

Dean offers Eugene a protein bar and the disgust lets Dean roll him up for two. An elbow misses and Eugene goes into Junkyard Dog mode for the headbutts. Hold on though as Eugene needs to go outside to play with the Dean Machine, allowing Dean to get in a shot from behind. A clothesline gets two and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up so Eugene tries a rollup out of the corner, but Dean grabs his elastic bands. Eugene pulls him into the middle of the ring though and Dean gets slingshotted into the corner for a funny moment. The Rock Bottom finishes Dean.

Rating: D. There was no mention of Eddie here and that made it just your usual Eugene match: not overly funny (the bands bit at the end was good) and more of the same comedy stuff that we’ve seen for a long time now. There’s nothing wrong with it as they were having a comedy match, but don’t expect me to get overly excited about something I’ve seen this many times.

Eugene leaves on the Dean Machine.

And now for perhaps the saddest part of the show, Chris Benoit talks about losing his best friend. They knew each other for fifteen years and have been up and down the highways and over the mountains. Eddie would always understand and they would talk for hours a day. They would always say they loved each other and his thoughts and prayers go out to Eddie’s family. Eddie is in a better place and he misses him. Benoit breaks down in tears and thanks Eddie for everything he gave him. Knowing what is coming out of all this, that’s one of the most disturbing things you can ever see as you can feel Benoit’s heart breaking.

We see Eddie winning the WWE Championship in one of the best feel good moments of all time. Cole NAILS it on commentary here and doesn’t get enough credit for that call.

HHH talks about what an inspiration Eddie was for overcoming all of his personal demons. He starts to cry as well and talks about how much Eddie’s family meant to him. Eddie is up there lying to someone and cheating someone, but he’s already stolen all of our hearts.

Ric Flair vs. William Regal

Non-title. Flair takes him down to the mat to start and works on the leg as Jerry thinks we’ll be seeing some cheating. Regal gets Flair into the corner for some left hands and a European uppercut gets two. An abdominal stretch of all things slows Regal down but he unlaces Flair’s boot for a distraction to get himself to the rope. Regal sends him to the floor and whips Flair into the barricade. Back in and Flair hits the chop block and the Figure Four is good for the fast tap.

Rating: C-. This is one of those matches that could have been interesting on a different stage but it was always nice to see Regal go out there and do his so simple but so effective heel stuff. As usual though, the match itself wasn’t the point here, though it’s always cool to see an interesting pairing like this.

Eddie won the Intercontinental Title by accidentally pinning Chyna in a triple threat match on Raw back in 2000. He apologized after the match but then smiled quite a bit because that’s what Eddie did.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and Bob Orton is here with Randy (in case you thought he was here with Cena). This is actually their first singles match on the main roster, which is almost hard to believe. Orton takes Cena (in his Eddie shirt) to the mat to start but Cena is back up with an elbow to the face. Bob’s distraction lets Randy get in a shot to the face and the over the back backbreaker gets two. We hit the chinlock, followed by a big dropkick for two more. Back up and they collide for a double knockdown but it’s Cena on his feet to initiate the finishing sequence. The FU is loaded up but Bob comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. One more match where the result didn’t matter but it’s got a little history to it. It’s always a little interesting to see a match where you never know what it is going to lead to, as Cena and Orton would go on to have roughly 183,374 matches in their careers. You could see some of the natural dynamic here though and WWE would mike that for years to come.

Post match Cena clears the ring and hits the FU on Randy. Cena takes off the shirt and lays it in the ring, with the title on top of it, to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. I wasn’t an Eddie fan in any sense of the word. He had some good matches but I didn’t see the big deal when he passed away. Of course it was both saddening and a bit sobering to see someone taken away so suddenly, but I never thought anything of him and really did not get the big deal. I saw him as a wrestler who was praised so much because he died while still wrestling, to the point where I said he had no business being in the Hall of Fame.

Now that was a good many years ago and watching these back have made me appreciate Eddie so much more. He’s one of the few wrestlers who could make anything he did look so easy and that is a talent almost no one has. His in-ring skills were outstanding but his talking and that grin were second to none. You really could see that smile and know that you were seeing something special. I’ve gained a completely new respect for him watching the last few years back with a different eye and sweet goodness I was wrong about him back in the day. Eddie really was great and that’s something that should be very easy to see.

I’ll wrap it up with a story that CM Punk told on his big WWE DVD. Punk was in his independent promotion in Chicago and really did believe that he was the best wrestler in the world. Eddie had been fired from WWE and came in to work a match against Punk. As Punk said, the bell rang and it took him about three seconds with an actually great wrestler to know that he was nowhere near as good as he thought he was. Eddie was that talented and there weren’t many people who could hang with him. I got a little emotional watching this one and that shows you what kind of skill Eddie had. Amazing tribute, and they’re not done.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXXIV
Date: April 8, 2018
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 78,133
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
America the Beautiful: Chloe x Hallie

I’m not sure if it’s because I was in the stadium last year or something else, but this show was actually a bit more memorable than the previous few editions. Hopefully it’s just as good watching it back but you never can tell with these things. Brock Lesnar is defending the Universal Title against Roman Reigns in the main event because of course he is so let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

JR and Jerry Lawler come out for commentary with Byron Saxton for a bit of a feel good moment. It’s a brawl to start with English getting backdropped out, much to the fans’ annoyance. Anderson dumps Konnor and Ziggler starts his tradition of hanging on to avoid elimination. There goes Hawkins as we still need to clear out a lot of the ring. Former partners R-Truth and Goldust shake hands with Goldust eliminating him, cutting off JR’s Bearcat Wright’s references.

Primo is out next as there’s almost nothing between these eliminations. Kanellis gets tossed and Ziggler hangs on again. Things settle down a bit unto Apollo knees Breeze as JR mocks Ziggler for always having to save himself. Viktor is gone too and the Revival beats on Ryder but he’s right back up. The Broski Boot is loaded up on Ziggler (JR: “Ziggler in trouble. Again.”) but Rawley Pounces Ryder out in a nice touch. A Liger kick from Gable eliminates Anderson and Titus gets rid of Gallows as we take a break.

Apollo getting backdropped out and Benjamin follows him…and let’s look at the announcers. We come back with Rhyno and the Revival gone and Kane eliminating Axel and Dallas. And now, we look at John Cena in the crowd as a fan, because I had forgotten about that stupid story. Back with Sin Cara eliminated by Corbin and Fandango dancing at Kane, earning himself an elimination off a single uppercut.

Corbin gets rid of Slater and Kane eliminates Gable, leaving us with the big power showdown. Everyone else jumps the monsters and it’s a superkick to Titus, setting a clothesline to get rid of him. We’re down to Corbin, Dillinger, Goldust, Rawley, Ziggler, Hardy and Kane as Goldust loads up Shattered Dreams on Dillinger. That’s broken up by Ziggler so Goldust ties him up for Shattered Dreams as well. Dillinger takes the kick but Ziggler eliminates Goldust.

That leaves us with a TEN vs. DELETE battle with a Twist of Fate and Dillinger is gone. Kane tosses Ziggler but gets eliminated by Corbin to get us down to Corbin, Hardy and Rawley. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy and the villains go for the elimination….but here’s the returning Bray Wyatt for Sister Abigail into an elimination for Rawley. Corbin drops Wyatt but gets backdropped out to give Matt the win at 16:36.

Rating: D+. It was a battle royal that got a lot of time and wasn’t all that interesting. The ending was a cool moment and it’s the best way to get everyone on the card, even if most of these people mean a grand total of nothing. It’s not a good match or even anything memorable, but at least it got the crowd warmed up….with an hour to go before the show itself starts.

Post match Matt thanks Bray and we get a hug, which JR deems a Wrestlemania moment.

Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

Tournament final to crown a new champion after Enzo Amore was finally banished. Ali debuts his SubZero look, which he still uses a year later. They’re both very happy to be there and slaps hands before getting started. Cedric scores with a shoulder block but gets headscissored down as the announcers are right there to play up the power vs. speed idea, though you don’t exactly think of power when it comes to Alexander.

Now the 054 connects for two, the first time the move has ever only gotten a near fall. Another 054 misses and it’s a pair of spinning back elbows to Ali’s face. A third turns Ali inside out and the Lumbar Check makes Cedric champion at 12:21. Cedric immediately hugs the unconscious Ali in a nice show of sportsmanship.

Rating: B. I was pulling for Ali but it felt like a title match between two guys fighting with everything they had. Cedric was the favorite in the entire tournament but Ali came off looking like a star the whole way through. This was rather good stuff and should have been the Kickoff Show main event, though I’ll take a good match when I can.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Dana Brooke, Becky Lynch, Sarah Logan, Lana, Bianca Belair, Naomi, Sonya Deville, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Peyton Royce, Natalya, Dakota Kai, Mickie James, Taynara Conti, Ruby Riott, Kairi Sane, Sasha Banks, Liv Morgan, Kavita Devi, Bayley

This was going to be the Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal but history intervened and it’s just a regular battle royal this time around. Paige and Beth Phoenix are on commentary and the former has some advice: don’t get thrown over the top rope. Becky comes out first, everyone else comes out, followed by Sasha and Bayley to fill out the field. Miss Money in the Bank Carmella (erg) poses with the briefcase to start and everyone gangs up on her for the easy elimination.

Deville, who got the elimination, poses in the big circle of women but Dana gets thrown in the middle instead. That means trash talk from Brooke and the big beatdown is on with Mandy tossing Dana. The NXT women team up to send the main roster women outside (through the ropes rather than over, which I can’t stand in battle royals) so we can get the WE ARE NXT pose.

Becky yells at Devi about orange being HER COLOR as some of the main roster women get back in. Kai eliminates Mandy as Paige declares Deville her favorite member of Absolution. We stop for the NXT women to triple team Deville, setting up Belair’s 450, because THAT MAKES SENSE IN A BATTLE ROYAL! Deville is out and we take a break, coming back with Sane being tossed after hitting the Insane Elbow thanks to more ganging up on Riott during the break.

Lana and Devi are tossed and Conti gets kicked out by the Squad. Becky and Belair have a less than thrilling slugout and the hair whip is incredibly loud. Belair misses a charge though and gets kicked out, followed by Kai kicking Naomi in the face. Banks gets rid of Kai without much effort and there goes Becky to a chorus of boos (I think Becky will be fine). Ruby knocks Mickie out and it’s Royce’s turn to kick people in the face.

Logan powerbombs her out as well though and we’re down to Morgan, Logan, Riott, Bayley, Banks, Natalya and Naomi, who is out on the floor (oh dear). For some reason Natalya decides to pose with her back turned to the Squad but manages to suplex Ruby and Sarah at the same time.

Bayley saves Sasha from a suplex and helps get rid of Natalya. Morgan is out as well and there goes Ruby. Banks sends Logan to the apron and Bayley knocks her out, leaving us with Banks and Bayley. The fans actually get on their feet to cheer for this one and the handshake…lets Bayley throw Banks out to a big reaction but Naomi gets back in for the Rear View. That’s enough for the win at 9:39.

Rating: F+. I had forgotten how annoying that ending was but it makes you realize just how stupid this whole thing was. Bayley and Banks would go on to have their weird semi-feud and then partnership over the year while Naomi has done NOTHING important since this match. You have something here with Bayley and the bright idea is to do the HAHA WE TRICKED YOU ending? That’s been done to death in battle royals and it’s not like this was anything more than a surprise ending, which was really stupid given how Bayley had been searching for anything important for the last year. This actually ticked me off again so well done.

Jojo introduces Chloe and Hallie to sing America the Beautiful, describing them as the “future of music”. Well if Jojo says it then it must be true.

The opening video shows shots of parties in New Orleans and, just like in 2014, features a tagline of Let The Good Times Roll. They couldn’t come up with anything else in four years? And the theme song is still Celebrate by Kid Rock. Ok it’s a catchy song, but is there nothing else (or no one else) that they could use?

Yay pyro! And cool set with the Mardi Gras mask, which looked awesome all night long.

I was in the stadium for this show, sitting in the lower bowl and looking not quite directly at the far post on the right side opposite the hard camera.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

Miz is defending and we get the new idea this year: 3D graphics for some of the entrances, including Miz who gets the Miz logo and various words to describe him, including MOVIE STAR. Miz sends the Miztourage to the back because he wants to do this himself for his newborn daughter. The weird part is you couldn’t see those in the stadium (obviously) but you could see them on the screens around the building, which made your head snap around a few times.

Balor isn’t the Demon here, but instead comes out with a bunch of LGBT people in rainbow Balor Club shirts labeled FOR EVERYONE. If nothing else, it’s awesome to see the stadium doing the Balor pose at once. This was set up with both guys beating Miz in one night, because Balor beating Miz after Miz had a long match with Rollins is totally the same thing.

They all go for the way too early rollups to start with Miz being sent outside. That means Rollins can miss a Stomp on Balor but a superkick to the ribs works just fine. Balor sends Rollins outside though and it’s the big running flip dive onto both of them for the first major pop of the night. Back in and basement dropkick gives Balor two on Miz but Rollins is back in with a high crossbody.

Miz finally gets to do something other than get beaten up as we look at Cena in the crowd again. Rollins grabs a double Blockbuster for two on Miz but he’s right back up with a knee to the ribs (not face Cole). The chinlock goes on, which shouldn’t be the case less than four minutes into a triple threat. Back up and a neckbreaker gets two on Miz as they’re just trading moves until we get to the big stuff. Another chinlock seems to annoy Balor so he gets up again and hits the double stomp to Miz’s ribs.

Rollins is back in for a Sling Blade to Balor, setting up a suicide dive to Balor and Miz. A superkick drops Balor again but Miz comes in with a DDT for two. Miz goes with the strategy by bending Balor’s knee around the ropes and slapping on the Figure Four. The frog splash from Rollins (from out of nowhere for an awesome visual) breaks it up and all three of them head outside.

Balor escapes the barricade powerbomb and dropkicks them both into the barricade instead. Back in again and 1916 gets two on Rollins but Miz breaks up the Coup de Grace. Instead of the Tower of Doom though it’s the buckle bomb to Miz and a superplex into the Falcon Arrow to Balor. The Skull Crushing Finale gives Miz two on Rollins and they’re all down again.

Balor does his hop over the ropes in the corner but gets crotched for trying the Coup de Grace again. It’s just not working this time dude. Miz goes up top with Balor and catches a springboarding Rollins with something close to a super Skull Crushing Finale. Balor breaks it up with a Coup de Grace and hits a second on Miz but the Stomp breaks that up too. Another Stomp hits Miz to give Rollins the pin and the title at 15:37.

Rating: B-. This might have been a few minutes too long but Rollins winning was a fine call as he’s more than over enough and kind of fits the Workrate Champion idea to perfection. Miz can come back and break the all time days record later and Balor is over no matter what. Not a great match, but a very hot opener and the fans were into everything here.

We recap the Smackdown Women’s Title match, which is billed as the BIGGEST WOMEN’S MATCH IN WRESTLEMANIA HISTORY. My how times change. Anyway Charlotte is the queen of everything and Asuka won the Royal Rumble to earn this shot. It’s absolutely a dream match with Charlotte being Charlotte and Asuka still being undefeated.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Asuka

Charlotte is defending and gets the full Ric Flair theme song, complete with a HHH from Wrestlemania XXX inspired entrance, meaning soldiers to help her off a throne and take her robe. Asuka on the other hand gets the CGI masks with rainbow colored lines surrounding them, which look cool on screen but live….not so much. They lock up to start and take turns flipping out of wristlocks for an early standoff.

Charlotte loads up a monkey flip but instead trips the leg for a failed Figure Eight attempt. You can feel the intensity here and it’s working well so far. Some chops to the chest (and one to the face) have Asuka in trouble but she’s right back with a hip attack to knock Charlotte outside. Back in and it’s time to start in on the arm but Charlotte gets in a backbreaker into an STO. Charlotte uses a Backpack Stunner to get out of a sleeper and a knee to the back of the head keeps Asuka in trouble.

It’s enough trouble for Charlotte to go up top for the moonsault….which is countered into a triangle for a sweet escape. Charlotte reverses into a Boston crab until Asuka makes the rope. A sliding kick to the face knocks Charlotte backwards and it’s back to the arm as Asuka continues to follow her game plan. They head to the apron with Asuka suplexing her out to the floor in a good looking crash. Sometimes you need to just go with a big spot like that and it worked very well.

Back in and they stare each other down until Asuka just erupts with strikes to the face. A missile dropkick gets two and Asuka stomps on the back. Charlotte is fine enough for the chops to catch Asuka on top and it’s a super Spanish Fly for two with the fans getting much more into things in a hurry. Natural Selection is countered into something like an Octopus Hold from Asuka’s back for a cool change of pace.

Charlotte tries to flip out and into the Figure Eight but Asuka kicks her in the head for a block. Well that’s certainly to the point. The Asuka Lock is blocked and Charlotte hits a very good spear for two more as the fans are WAY into this. With nothing else working, Charlotte goes to the Figure Eight and bridges up with one arm….and Asuka taps at 13:05 in a shocker.

Rating: A-. I don’t get shocked by results very often but I was actually stunned to see how this went. I would have bet money on Asuka walking out as champion here but Charlotte winning was far from a ridiculous result. Now the problem is what this did to Asuka, as she only started to recover from the loss nearly a year later. Charlotte would lose the title to Carmella two days later, bringing some dark days to the belt. This however was anything but dark, with an outstanding match between two stars.

Post match Asuka gets the mic and says Charlotte was ready for her in the ultimate sign of respect.

With Charlotte on the ramp and Asuka in the ring, a referee tells Cena something that makes him get out of his seat and run up the ramp. You really couldn’t wait until the women were gone so they could have the full moment?

US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton vs. Rusev

Orton is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Aiden English (now bald, meaning he shaved his head since the end of the battle royal when he had hair) handles Rusev’s entrance and we get my favorite shot every year: a closeup of someone with the camera swinging around to show the stadium crowd in front of them. There’s something so cool about seeing just how big of a stage they’re really on. Anyway, Rusev is crazy over and easily the crowd favorite. Does anyone else see an issue with Orton’s music saying “I hear voices in my head” while his Titantron says IN MY VEINS?

While you think about that, Orton and Mahal are sent outside, leaving Rusev to dropkick (yes dropkick) Roode to the floor. A RUSEV DAY Cannonball off the apron takes Orton and Mahal down again but Roode is back in with a Blockbuster for two on Rusev. The other two get back in and it’s Mahal getting beaten up by Orton and Roode before being tossed right back to the floor. Orton hits the top rope superplex on Roode with Rusev and Mahal diving back in for the save.

That’s enough for Mahal to ask Rusev for a partnership but Rusev doesn’t even bother waiting before hitting Mahal with a spinning belly to back suplex for two. Roode makes it worse by busting Mahal’s spine and hitting the GLORIOUS pose, only to have Orton make a save this time.

That leaves Orton alone in the ring and it’s the hanging DDT on Rusev. The RKO hits English, Rusev and Mahal so it’s Roode making a save of his own. Roode blocks the RKO and plants Orton with the Glorious DDT as Mahal saves. The Machka Kick drops Mahal but Sunil Singh offers a distraction, letting Mahal hit the Khallas for the pin on Rusev at 8:14. You could literally feel the energy go out of the crowd.

Rating: D+. There was some hard work in there but this was the definition of Vince saying screw the audience because it’s all about what I want. Rusev was one of the most popular guys in the company and had been for months but instead we get Mahal, who was an all time bomb as WWE Champion getting to pin Rusev.

It’s not like there was even a long term plan as Mahal would lose the title a mere eight days later. Rusev would indeed get the title nearly nine months later, after his popularity had fallen way down, meaning it was acceptable to give the fans what they want. This really hurt the show and it’s going to be hard to recover.

We recap Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon and yeah I think this might help the recovery process. After being at Wrestlemania XXXI and attacking Stephanie, Rousey made her official WWE debut at the Royal Rumble earlier in the year. She wanted to go to Wrestlemania and since she was (at the time) the most dominant female UFC fighter of all time, Stephanie wanted to mold her into a WWE star.

Angle, who had been screwed over by Stephanie and HHH before, warned Ronda that they would mess with her too. That didn’t sit well with Rousey, who beat both of them up on the way to this mixed tag match. Naturally we got a lot of Stephanie workout videos because she’s STEPHANIE and that makes her some wrestling legend. It’s sickening, and I was waiting on her to survive the armbar in the match. It was clear that this was going to be full of smoke and mirrors, but the question is how well Rousey is going to do in her debut. This is one of the main events of the show and something a lot of people really wanted to see.

Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon

HHH and Stephanie come out on matching motorcycles (flanked by four women on their own motorcycles), with Stephanie’s biker look (including the leather pants) making me a lot less annoyed at her. Cole: “Even though Stephanie is a former Women’s Champion, this is her Wrestlemania in-ring debut!” WWE pretending that Stephanie was a wrestler is one of their more interesting character tweaks. Rousey gets a huge reaction and of course smiles at the crowd, as is her custom. Cole talks about two people starting in UFC and coming to WWE: Ken Shamrock and now Rousey. So they’re not Dan Severn fans either?

The fans are WAY behind Rousey as they stare each other down in the middle. Stephanie shoves Rousey in the face because Stephanie just never learns. A hair pull doesn’t prove to be the brightest idea either so Stephanie bails to the apron so the guys can start us off. Angle (very badly) punches at HHH and the beating is on in the corner. A hammerlock keeps HHH does as we’re just waiting for this to explode as it should be doing.

Stephanie manages to lure Rousey in though and Angle gets low bridged to the floor. Cole calls this “that McMahon instinct” as the worship is already a lot to take. Angle gets sent into the steps and Rousey is about to lose it because she can’t intervene. Some more cheap shots from Stephanie keep Rousey angry and a spinebuster gives HHH two. A front facelock keeps Angle down but he gets a boot up in the corner.

Stephanie chokes Angle and HHH nearly hits her by mistake but it’s still too early for the hot tag. A suplex drops HHH again but Stephanie runs around and pulls Rousey off the apron. HHH gets whipped over the corner for the real crash and you can see the panic in Stephanie. The hot tag brings in Rousey (Graves: “CALL THE COPS!!!”) who SPRINTS over to Stephanie and throws her down with a suplex. After the required tug of the shorts, Rousey unloads with rights and lefts in the corner as the fans are already losing it. The release throw sends Stephanie back into the corner and Graves is terrified.

The fans want and receive the armbar….but Stephanie blocks it. Yes the hold that UFC fighters were powerless again is a simple block for Stephanie as the crowd’s soul is slapped down again. Stephanie blocks it a second time and rakes the eyes (Cole: “Complete manipulation of the rules!” Ignore the complete manipulation of reality and focus on those rules man.”), setting up a double arm crank as the fans try to process that they’re really doing this.

Stephanie even mocks Rousey, who grabs her by the throat and hits the swinging Samoan drop for two with HHH pulling the referee. Rousey: “I’m going to continue beating up your wife ok?” HHH pulls her out as well, apparently not a fan of such chatty opponents. Angle is back up and sends HHH over the announcers’ table but gets thrown onto the Spanish table. After a slow crawl, HHH is back in and sees Rousey, who is ready to fight. HHH puts the referee in the corner and sizes Rousey up and the beating is on in the corner.

A legsweep looks to set up the swinging Samoan drop but Stephanie makes a save. I know I’m not a big HHH fan a lot of the time but he just made Rousey look like the biggest star in the history of the division. Rousey chases Stephanie outside though and has to adjust the gear again, allowing Stephanie to post her. Angle is back in for some belly to belly suplexes and the rolling Germans but the ankle lock is countered. The Pedigree is countered as well and HHH gets catapulted into the corner, setting up the Angle Slam for two with no one making a save.

Stephanie breaks up the ankle lock and yells at Angle, who catches the boot to the ribs. HHH has to save his wife and Pedigrees Angle for two with Rousey making her own save this time. With Angle down, HHH loads Rousey up for a powerbomb but gets hurricanranaed (!) into the armbar on HHH (I completely bought that as the finish live) until Stephanie grabs a choke.

That’s reversed into an armbar and Stephanie has the gall to block it AGAIN. Angle ankle locks HHH, who rolls Angle into Rousey for the real save. Rousey and Angle get posted and it’s time for stereo Pedigrees, both of which are broken up. The armbar is slapped on again and this time Rousey uses the leverage to pull back and Stephanie finally taps at 20:37.

Rating: A. That’s not even on a sliding scale because Rousey knocked that out harder than she knocked out Alexis Davis. She looked like she’s been doing this for ten years and had one of the best debut matches I’ve ever seen. Everyone else was nailing it too and I got completely sucked into it both live and watching it back because all of the stuff was that good. Don’t have Stephanie block the armbar so often and this is an A+ easy.

That was the only downgrade, even though you knew full well it was coming. To be fair though, Stephanie did tap out clean in the end so it wasn’t the most ridiculous thing ever. Well the first part was but not the finish. After this, how can you now see Rousey as the star that she already was?

Stephanie has to be helped out, as she should. She would get armbarred again the next night for a bonus.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

Kofi wastes no time in hitting Trouble in Paradise on Jey but Harper pulls him outside before the count. Jimmy gets sent into the steps and Harper crashes against Big E. against the barricade. With no one else to beat up, Woods gets powerbombed against the post, leaving Rowan to splash Kofi and Jey back inside. The mostly done Jey is thrown outside and Big E. gets knocked off the apron. Jimmy comes back in for a pair of superkicks and Jey is back up for stereo kicks to Harper’s head in the corner.

A jumping enziguri hits Harper and a superkick knocks Rowan to the floor, setting up a double suplex on the outside. Harper catches Kofi with a swinging release Boss Man Slam but gets caught with a double superkick on top. Rowan breaks up the Tower of Doom so Kofi charges at Harper, only to get powerbombed by Rowan. An assisted super sitout powerbomb finishes Kofi to give Harper and Rowan the titles at 5:55.

Rating: C-. The time cuts aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world with the Usos and the New Day giving it all they had against the monsters but not being able to stop them. The Bludgeon Brothers were the first time a team other than the Usos or New Day had held the belts in over a year so this was long, long overdue and the right call.

Here’s what’s coming to the Network, most of which actually happened for a change.

Here’s a fired up John Cena for his match with Undertaker. This comes after weeks of Cena calling out Undertaker for Wrestlemania because Undertaker seemingly retired after last year’s show. Cena came off as the biggest jerk in this feud and acting like Undertaker owed him something. There was no confirmation that Undertaker was going to be here, hence him sitting in the crowd earlier.

That’s the other stupid part of the whole thing: Cena kept talking about how he had no path to Wrestlemania, because JOHN CENA couldn’t get a match. He gave some lame excuse about how this was the only match that mattered and it didn’t do a thing to make up for the consistently annoying lines from commentary about Cena possibly being left out of Wrestlemania. I get what they were going for, but come on already.

Anyway Cena is ready to go but here’s a referee to say not so fast. Cena is disappointed and the lights go out. It’s only Elias though and Cena heads back to his seat as Elias sings about it being his night. That’s enough for Cena who runs in and beats Elias up before looking disappointed again. Cole: “I guess that would be a Wrestlemania moment right?” He goes up the ramp but stops….and the lights go out again. A spotlight hits the ring with Undertaker’s hat, coat and boots, which are hit by lighting (looks awful on the Network, looked great when you didn’t see it coming in the stadium. They’re gone, and the gong strikes.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

I know he’s been old for ten years, but that entrance live, especially in the stadium, is chilling. Cole of course can’t SHUT UP, saying everything he can think of, including calling them the two greatest performers of all time. Undertaker goes straight at him in the corner to start and hits the jumping clothesline. Old School connects and Undertaker hits some running clotheslines in the corner. Snake Eyes into the big boot into the big leg have Cena rocked but the chokeslam is escaped.

Cena’s belly to back connects but Undertaker sits up before the Shuffle, making Cena fall down in fear. The chokeslam into the Tombstone finishes Cena at 2:48. The more I think of this one, the more I like it. Cena ran his mouth for so long and Undertaker annihilated him here, just as he should have. While a lot of people will be annoyed at not getting a full form match between these two, I’d rather they do this than have Undertaker look back in a fifteen minute match.

Video on the Hall of Fame ceremony.

Here’s the Hall of Fame Class, which really doesn’t need to air on the show. They already get a whole evening to themselves. Do we really need ten minutes on Wrestlemania too?

Jeff Jarrett (eh sure, though it’s still weird to see him here)

Mark Henry (still not sure on him, though his documentary was great)

Hillbilly Jim (I’m a Kentucky boy but come on)

Ivory (she looks better now than she did during her career)

Jarius JJ Robertson (Warrior Award)

Dudley Boyz (yep)

Goldberg (yep, though I’d call the Dudleys more appropriate headliners)

Oh and Kid Rock, this year’s celebrity inductee, wasn’t there because he had a concert.

We recap Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens. Bryan somehow overcame his injuries and returned to the ring in something I still can barely believe. Owens and Zayn had tormented Smackdown boss Shane for months and then attacked Bryan for firing them the night he was announced as being cleared. Therefore it’s a tag match with Owens and Zayn fighting for their jobs. Yeah that’s all well and good. The point here is Bryan actually getting back in the ring, which is almost impossible to imagine.

Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon

Owens and Zayn beat McMahon up on Smackdown to cover for Shane’s legitimate medical issues. Chris Jericho was apparently on red phone alert for this show with a plan to have him fly in from a Fozzy show on the corporate jet in case Shane couldn’t make the show. Bryan gets a special entrance with a weird military/Terminator themed video showing a target on the Superdome before looking at the YES Movement spreading throughout the world in a cool moment. You can feel the emotions in Bryan as he comes down the aisle and it’s an amazing sight to behold.

Owens and Zayn jump the good guys from behind and Shane gets thrown over the barricade. Bryan takes a Helluva kick and the apron powerbomb to leave him laying. Medics come out to check on Bryan as yes, they actually are trying to stretch this out even further. Shane is willing to fight on his own and unloads with the really bad punches to Owens in the corner.

There’s the jumping back elbow but Shane grabs his stomach due to the diverticulitis (the same thing that ruined Lesnar’s UFC career). A DDT drops Sami but Owens gets in a shot to the stomach to cut Shane off. We settle down into a regular match with Sami elbowing the ribs and going for one cover after another. Owens steps on the ribs and applauds Bryan for such a great return. A t-bone suplex gives Sami two and a superkick into the Blue Thunder Bomb is good for the same. The fans don’t care about this whatsoever and there’s no reason for them to.

With Bryan STILL being tended to at ringside, it’s just a big waiting game until Bryan gets back up and makes the hot tag. The Helluva Kick misses in the corner and Sami gets tied in the Tree of Woe. Coast to Coast hits but Shane can’t follow up because of the stomach. Owens drops the frog splash on Shane but Bryan dives in for the save to bring the fans back to life. The hot tag is cut off though and we hit the chinlock to make the fans wait a little longer. A belly to back suplex gets Shane out of trouble though and there’s the tag, with Bryan taking his time before getting in for an awesome moment.

House is cleaned and it’s the moonsault over Sami into the running clothesline. Owens comes back in and Bryan gets them in opposite corners for alternating running dropkicks. Sami is back with a Helluva Kick for two on Bryan and Owens superkicks Shane to the floor. The Pop Up Powerbomb gets two more and Owens is shocked at the kickout. Shane dives onto Owens, leaving Sami to yell at Bryan for coming back and punch him in the face. That’s enough for Bryan and the fight is on, including the YES Kicks. The running knee sets up the YES Lock to make Sami tap at 15:24.

Rating: C+. This was two matches in one with the rather boring beatdown of Shane for the first half before Bryan came in and gave the fans exactly what they wanted for the second half. It was all about Bryan and that’s all it was supposed to be. The idea that he actually made it back to the ring is amazing and one of the most surprising stories you’ll ever see in wrestling. He deserved a big moment like this and that’s what we got here, albeit after Shane got in his own time of course.

Attendance announcement, with pyro because it’s Wrestlemania.

We recap Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss. They were friends, but Jax found out that Bliss was making fun of her behind her back. Jax went into monster mode and chased after Bliss and her friend Mickie James, setting up this match. Now there’s no reason this shouldn’t be about thirty seconds long, but it’s Wrestlemania and what matters is getting on the card and having a long match instead of doing what makes sense.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax

Bliss, with James in her corner, is defending and is lowered down to the stage on a platform for a nice touch. We get the Big Match Intros and Bliss immediately backs up as she should. Jax gets smart and runs Mickie over before the bell rings to send her outside for a heck of a beatdown. Bliss tries to intervene and gets glared back to the ring, leaving James to take a Samoan drop on the floor.

We get back inside for the opening bell and Bliss slaps her in the face. That earns a scream from Nia so Bliss screams back in true scream queen fashion. A gorilla press slam has Bliss bailing to the floor and it’s time to leave, only to have Nia run her over again. Back in and Bliss pokes her in the eye before going after the knee in a smart move.

What’s not a smart move is this match already going nearly three minutes with Bliss getting in any significant offense. A basement dropkick keeps Jax in trouble but a guillotine choke is easily countered via an overhead belly to belly suplex. Jax goes shoulder first into the post as the fans are quiet all over again. Twisted Bliss to a standing Nia on the floor gives Bliss another knockdown, setting up the short DDT for two back inside.

Bliss yells at her so Nia tells her to shut up already and the destruction begins. Another poke to the eye is no sold and Bliss gets whipped hard into the buckles. Bliss goes to the eye again to get out of the Samoan drop but Jax drives her into the corner and then drops her. That’s not enough as it’s a super Samoan drop to give Jax the pin and the title at 9:02.

Rating: D-. What were they thinking here? The whole story was that Bliss was all talk and survived because of Nia but then she hangs with Nia for the better part of ten minutes? This should have been thirty seconds long with Bliss getting the title back later on (as she did in June) after coming back from getting squashed. Just a bad idea all around here, save for Jax FINALLY winning the title.

We recap AJ Styles defending the Smackdown World Title against Shinsuke Nakamura. They had a classic match in Japan and a lot of fans wanted to see it again in WWE. Nakamura won the Royal Rumble and the match was on, with both guys trying to get in the other’s head on the way to New Orleans. So yeah, they’re just going with “it’s a dream match” for the build, which works just fine.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura is challenging and gets played to the ring by Nita Strauss (awesome guitar player and rather gorgeous at the same time). The army of violinists and drummers help too. Since WWE can’t go more than five minutes without making some kind of a mistake, AJ is billed as Universal Champion. They lock up to start with Nakamura getting the better of it with some knees to the ribs.

Good Vibrations is blocked and AJ gets in his own knee before starting in on the back. Styles grabs a chinlock for a bit before dropkicking him to the floor. That’s not the best idea though as it’s a kick to the head to stagger Styles and the champ is in trouble for the first time. Nakamura’s middle rope kick to the face gets two and that’s a COME ON to set up the strikes to the face.

The running knee to the ribs in the corner gets two but AJ is right back with a belly to back faceplant. A sliding forearm into the pumphandle gutbuster gets two on Nakamura as they’re trading big spots. AJ’s springboard is countered into the Landslide (Samoan driver) for two but Nakamura needs a minute before following up. With nothing else working, Nakamura goes with the kicks, which are countered into the Calf Crusher.

Since it’s Nakamura, that’s reversed into a triangle choke, which AJ powers into something like a fisherman’s buster for another double knockdown. It’s Nakamura up first and trying a running knee in the corner but the bad knee hit the buckle instead. AJ is right back with a Phenomenal Forearm for two in the required kickout of the first finisher.

The springboard 450 hits knees and Nakamura grabs a small package for two of his own. They slug it out until AJ nails the Pele but can’t follow up, allowing Nakamura to knee him in the back of the head for a much nearer fall. The reverse exploder looks to set up the Kinshasa but AJ rolls through into the Styles Clash for the pin to retain at 20:21.

Rating: B+. This was close to being a classic but it’s really just a very good match instead. Part of the problem here is how late the match came in the show. The fans were starting to get worn down and there was only so much energy left in the people. Also it never quite got to the epic level that they were shooting for with Nakamura never really getting the close near falls that he needed to take it to another level. Still that, very good and worthy of a Wrestlemania title match.

We recap the Kickoff Show. This is another few minutes that could be cut off.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman/???

The Bar is defending after Strowman won a battle royal to become #1 contenders despite not having a partner. Therefore the big question for over a month is who would the partner be. The Bar comes out on a Mardi Gras float, complete with people in large headed costumes for a cool visual. There’s no partner for Strowman, who breaks up the float before coming to the ring.

Strowman and the kid get in the ring where the kid is introduced as Nicholas (the son of referee John Cone). Cole: “This is really happening.” He’s never been more right. Oh and the search for a partner and introduction took about four and a half minutes, again because this show can just keep going. Strowman takes Sheamus into the corner with no problem to start before beating up Cesaro as well.

Nicholas is terrified (as he should be) as Cesaro dropkicks Strowman in the knee. A double suplex lets Sheamus drop a top rope knee, setting up an assisted swanton from Sheamus’ shoulders. Strowman comes back with a double crossbody and backdrops Sheamus over the top, bouncing him off the post in the process. To cap it off, Strowman tags Nicholas in. The kid is terrified and tags Strowman back in for the powerslam to Cesaro for the pin and the titles at 3:58.

Rating: F. I….what do you want from me here? This was an idea that completely failed because WWE had no idea what to do here and this is all they could do. Put Heath Slater or someone in there, or have Strowman do a rendition of Me And My Shadow and have him win it by himself. It was a joke that was literally forgotten the next night and stretched the show out even more because they couldn’t just cut this and put Strowman ANYWHERE else. I’m sure Matt Hardy had to win the battle royal right?

Wrestlemania 35 is in New York/Jersey. You don’t hear New Jersey mentioned here, but I guess it’s just implied.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. It’s the latest attempt to make Reigns feel like the mega star because the first few times didn’t take. Therefore he won the Elimination Chamber (beating Strowman after Strowman eliminated everyone else), THIS TIME FOR SURE! Lesnar has been champion for a year and barely ever defends the title, because that was so successful the first few times. Their fights over the last few weeks get the music video treatment.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is challenging and WOW the fans are not happy to see him. To make it a little better, Brock drives him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs, followed by the German suplexes. Reigns pops up with a Superman Punch to send Brock to the floor as they’re starting fast again. Back in and a clothesline knocks Lesnar over the top and out to the floor as the fans chant things to amuse themselves.

Lesnar catches him with a belly to belly on the floor and another one drops Reigns on his head. There’s the required CM PUNK chant and a third belly to belly sends Reigns face first into the announcers’ table because Brock didn’t realize how much room he had. Back in and Lesnar throws another German suplex, declaring it SUPLEX CITY B****. More suplexes ensue because that’s what Lesnar does in a big time match. Brock gets tired of that and loads up the announcers’ table but Reigns posts him for a much needed breather.

A spear puts Lesnar onto (not through) another table as the fans boo the heck out of this. Or maybe they’re mad about losing a beach ball. The Superman Punch into a pair of spears gets two and now the fans are definitely happy with a beach ball. Brock blocks a spear with a knee to the face that brings Graves out of his chair.

The first F5 gets two and virtually no reaction from the crowd. Another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. To switch it up, another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. The fans declare it boring so Lesnar takes him outside for the fourth F5 through the announcers’ table. Lesnar takes it back inside and stands there as the fans do something else in the crowd that goes from cheering to booing during the same closeup.

The fifth F5 gets two so Lesnar takes the gloves off at Heyman’s orders. The fans call it awful as Lesnar hammers away to bust Reigns open. It’s quite the gusher but Reigns slips out of the F5 and hits a pair of spears for two. Another spear is countered into the sixth F5 to retain the title at 15:51.

Rating: D+. Well of course he does. The problem here is that there is good action in the match but it’s too much of the same stuff and the fans having none of it that took away its value. Couple that with knowing that we’re just waiting on even more Reigns title shots and promos about needing to be champion and there was no way this was going to work. The fans (including myself) were done with this WAY before the match started and that’s all there was to it.

Reigns gets cleaned up and we get the long video package. Back in the stadium, Reigns leaves and the show ends. I stood around for a long time while this was going on because the video doesn’t play in the stadium and it wasn’t clear if the show was over or not.

Overall Rating: C-. I know I (and a lot of other people) say it over and over but it’s just too long. There is a limit to how long you can sit watching wrestling in person or at home and Wrestlemania has blown past that for years now. At some point you just stop caring and there’s very little that can be done to fix such a problem. They need to do something because this isn’t going to work no matter what they do. Cut out a lot of stuff and it’s a great show, but the whole package didn’t work.

There’s a lot of good stuff in here, such as the opener, AJ vs. Nakamura, Charlotte vs. Asuka, the mixed tag and a few other moments here and there. The problem is there’s so much other stuff that either doesn’t work (the main event, the Raw Women’s Title match and the Raw Tag Team Titles are great places to start) that it really doesn’t work. Get rid of some of that and the show is that much better.

Overall, it comes down to the problem of WWE not listening to the fans. They can throw out as much good content as they want, but if you do it to annoy the fans (the US Title match) or to stretch things out even further past its expiration point (the Universal Title), it’s going to come back to mess things up. There is so much on here that fans don’t want to see and WWE just won’t fix it.

That doesn’t help the length either. If you have a show where the final match is something the fans do not want to see, you’re going to have them sitting there, already annoyed at other things in the show, for hours waiting to see something that only WWE seems interested in. How is that supposed to be appealing for over seven hours? Cut it down, give us something else to cheer for, and remember that Wrestlemania is supposed to be about the best of the best, not everyone on the roster.

Ratings Comparison

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Mustafa Ali vs. Cedric Alexander

Original: B-

Redo: B

Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D+

Redo: F+

Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor

Original: B

Redo: B-

Charlotte vs. Asuka

Original: A-

Redo: A

Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev vs. Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode

Original: D

Redo: D+

Stephanie McMahon/HHH vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey

Original: A-

Redo: A

New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

Redo: B+

Braun Strowman/Nicholas vs. The Bar

Original: F

Redo: F

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C-

This is an interesting one as most of the matches are within the same ballpark but I liked the show a lot better the first time around. Maybe the good was more fun just after the show, but this really didn’t do it for me nearly as well on another viewing. It’s watchable, but definitely not a very good show.

Here’s the original if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/04/14/wrestlemania-xxxiv-the-same-old-story/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

This hasn’t been quite a year yet but I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night. Like a few years before, I was in the stadium for this show but haven’t seen it since I reviewed it last year. This is a show that was well received at the time and it could be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Let’s get to it.

The set is one of the most intricate they’ve ever done, with a big Wrestlemania globe (ala Universal Studios) and a roller coaster next to it (I think you get this). There’s also an inflatable ring atop the structure above the regular ring, which I somehow didn’t notice until about an hour and a half of being in the stadium). The theme was the Ultimate Thrill Ride and the visual certainly works. It’s really cool looking and worked very well. Unfortunately the stadium isn’t the best looking in the world and it made the whole thing feel a bit out of place. Oh and the CRAZY LONG RAMP, which is something like seventy yards long.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Aries is challenging after Neville has dominated the division for months and needs someone fresh to challenge him. The fans are behind Aries, which isn’t that surprising though Neville was nothing short (ok he was always short) of awesome at this point. Aries takes him down with an armbar but Neville is right back out with a headscissors. Back up and Neville has to bail to the floor so Aries has a rest on the top rope. I know it’s a Shawn Michaels spot but Aries sells the heck out of it.

Neville comes back in and eats a basement dropkick, followed by the middle rope elbow to the back for two. The suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head though as the back and forth continues. A missile dropkick gives Neville two and we take a break. Back with Neville holding a chinlock (They even do it on the Kickoff Shows!) but taking WAY too long to glare at the crowd before trying a middle rope Phoenix splash (makes sense given his King thing).

One heck of a backdrop puts Neville on the floor and Aries is right back after him with the suicide dive. You can hear the fans getting back into this and that’s a good result from these two. The main reason to put something like this on is to get the fans fired up for the real show and it’s a great place to put them in.

They come back in with Aries blocking the superplex and nailing his own missile dropkick (looked awesome too) for a near fall. A snap German suplex plants Aries though and Neville takes over again. Another suplex gets another two and Neville is starting to look annoyed. With the technical stuff not working, Neville just kicks him in the face in the corner.

Aries is fine enough to reverse the Rings of Saturn attempt into a rollup and now the Discus knocks Neville hard to the floor. Back in and Aries hits a top hurricanrana and the 450 (with a really annoying crowd reaction shot) gets two. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville rips at the eye (which was recently reconstructed) to break the hold. Aries is writhing in pain and it’s the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:40.

Rating: B. I remember hearing that this would be on the Kickoff Show and being very relieved as I didn’t think the main show would allow it nearly the amount of time that it needed and deserved. I’m glad to see that I was right here as they had a heck of a chess match here with both guys getting in everything they could and showing how back and forth the whole thing was. Neville cheating to win in the end fit him well, as he finally had someone who could match him and had to take a shortcut. Really good stuff here as Neville continues his unbelievable roll.

If the pay per view started here, it would have been a perfect Kickoff Show. But nah, we need two more matches.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Rob Gronkowski, a friend of Mojo Rawley, is in the front row. Big Show’s music plays everyone but Braun Strowman to the ring. Braun tosses Primo two seconds into the match as the ring needs some serious cleaning out. Kalisto and Simon Gotch are tossed as well and Strowman eliminates Slater. Jimmy Uso and Goldust follow them out as they’re not wasting time here.

There goes Konnor but it’s time for the Show vs. Strowman showdown. Everyone stops to watch but Sami jumps Braun due to reasons of general stupidity. That goes nowhere so it’s Strowman dumping Show. Everyone goes after Strowman but he gets rid of Viktor in the process. Strowman is eliminated, making him look like a loser/afterthought in the process (oh….just wait). Hawkins is out and Ziggler gets to do his usual false hope spot. We get into the required “everyone hits everyone but doesn’t really try to win” portion as things slow down.

Ziggler low bridges Truth out as I manage to remember that Truth is employed. There goes Rhyno and Ziggler is thrown over the top, only to hang on again. There goes English, followed by American Alpha dropkicking English out. Jey Uso and Jason Jordan are tossed, followed by Chad Gable as the ring is really thinning out. Tian Bing gets rid of Fandango and Breeze, followed by Henry eliminating Sin Cara (in some sweet Wrestlemania gear). Henry is out next as there’s nothing between these eliminations.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and that’s about it for Tian’s career accomplishments to date. Sami’s Helluva Kick gets rid of Epico and we’re down to nine. It’s been too long since Ziggler was nearly eliminated so Harper chokes him on the apron this time around. Mojo dumps Bo and Mahal eliminates Crews, followed by Rawley tossing Ziggler. Harper is out next and we’re down to Mojo, Jinder, Titus, Dain and Zayn.

A running clothesline gets rid of Titus but Dain eliminates Sami, completely sucking the life out of the crowd. Why you ask? Well we’re left with Dain, Rawley and Mahal. How excited would you be? Jinder gets clotheslined down and we get a Dain vs. Mojo showdown. A Pounce drops Dain but Jinder pulls Mojo through the ropes and out to the floor. Jinder follows him out and sends Rawley into the barricade, right in front of Gronkowski.

That means a drink going into Gronkowski’s face and here he comes over the barricade. This gives us the funniest part of the show as a security guard runs over to stop him, only to have a ringside guy tap her on the arm as some referees come over and allow Gronkowski to get in. Gronkowski runs Mahal over (your future WWE Champion everyone) and Mojo’s running right hands get rid of Dain. Another running punch to Mahal gives Rawley the win at 14:09.

Rating: D-. And this just LAUNCHED Mojo to the moon right? I know the idea here was to get Gronkowski involved (possibly as a substitute for Shaquille O’Neal) but Sami Zayn was RIGHT THERE to get the big win but nah, let’s go with the nothing guy winning the match. This wasn’t the best result for the battle royal but at least they were trying with Rawley, who took the time to talk to an entire group of fans when I saw him walking through Axxess that same weekend. Hopefully he gets somewhere in the future. The rest of the match was terrible with everyone being thrown out in short order and a bad ending.

Kickoff Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending and I have no idea why this was on the Kickoff Show. Corbin crushed Ambrose underneath a forklift to set this up, giving us the hilarious visual of the referees trying to LIFT IT UP despite the key being in the ignition. They waste no time in fighting to the floor with Dean getting the better of it and heading back inside.

That earns him a hard whip to send Ambrose’s ribs into the post and give Corbin a nice big target. Or 24 of them in this case. A choke shove puts Dean down for two and Baron whips him into the barricade for good measure. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dean avoids a charge to send Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin avoids the top rope elbow and blocks Dirty Deeds for good measure. That earns him a trip to the floor but Baron knocks him out of the air on a slingshot dive.

The top rope elbow puts Corbin down again though and Dean gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. These two aren’t exactly clicking so far. Deep Six gives Corbin two and works on the ribs a bit more. The Rebound Lariat runs Baron over again but he’s right back with a powerbomb to stay on the ribs. That’s about it for Corbin though as Dean jumps up and hits Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one but the bigger issue was with the ending, as Baron winning the title would have made the most sense. Making it even worse was the fact that Baron won a street fight non-title rematch two days later but none of that matters as the Superstar Shakeup changed everything a week later. The match was nothing to see either as they didn’t go into the brawl that would have suited them best.

And now on the main show, which is FIVE HOURS AND TEN MINUTES LONG. Sweet goodness and they wonder why it’s hard to make new fans.

Tinashe, who looks like a low rent Beyonce (still very attractive though with a great voice) sings America the Beautiful. This includes the Air Force flyover, which will nearly knock you off your feet.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to come here, either as a fan or as a wrestler. This is the biggest show of the year and it is the ultimate thrill ride. The video turns into a roller coaster, starting with some historic moments and going into clips of wrestlers on tonight’s show. It’s continuing the theme and that’s a good thing when so many of these shows only have a loose theme at best. Ignore the fans cheering for Miz and AJ Styles and booing the heck out of Roman Reigns of course.

Here are your hosts for the evening: the New Day, in Final Fantasy inspired gear, with Kofi riding in on their bicycle powered ice cream cart. I still have one major question: HOW DID THEY NOT HAVE ICE CREAM FOR SALE??? They teased that for weeks and NOTHING. I was looking forward to it but for some reason it just never happened. After some dancing and gyrating, Xavier says there were a lot of options to host the show. Fans: “WOO!” It was your boys the NEW DAY who got the call though and they get to tell us about all the action that we’ll be seeing tonight.

It’s time to officially pulls their levers (making Kofi and Xavier cringe) and Big E. starts sending the smiling glances over to Woods as he freaks out. This was just after the sex tape fiasco, which was hinted at but never mentioned on WWE TV. In other words, this was a nice little inside joke for the fans while not giving away anything that would be un-PG. Well done and the way this needed to be handled. New Day’s level of rock is confirmed and that’s it, wrapping up this year’s installment of an unnecessary addition to the Wrestlemania card.

We recap AJ Styles babysitting Shane McMahon. AJ lost the Smackdown World Title to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan/Shane put him in the Elimination Chamber instead of giving him a one on one rematch for the title. That’s not cool with AJ, so he beat up Shane to set up this year’s “Shane can totally wrestle if you give him one of the best performers in the world” match. They’ve attacked each other a few times each since with Shane’s punches somehow getting a little worse since last year.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Shane’s kids are at ringside because what would Wrestlemania be without them? AJ isn’t interested in throwing punches so a quick standing switch sends Shane into the ropes. A headlock and snapmare have Shane down as AJ is toying with him to start. Shane gets in some armdrags and takes Styles down for a rollup, giving us some frustration to send AJ outside.

Back in and AJ punches him in the face as it turns into a boxing match. You know you don’t have to ask Shane to do that twice so we let the suck fly, followed by an elbow to AJ’s face. One heck of a baseball slide sends Shane over the announcers’ table as control goes hard to Styles. Back in and a knee drop rocks Shane again but of course he can shake off the Phenomenal Blitz.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up and Shane starts his dance that was stupid back in the 90s so today it’s awesome (like everything in the Attitude Era). An Angle Slam gets two on AJ but he’s right back with the Calf Crusher. Shane reverses into a rear naked choke, a cross armbreaker and something like the Rings of Saturn. He trains MMA you see. AJ shrugs them off and drops Shane again but the springboard 450 is countered into a triangle choke. That’s reversed into a one armed Styles Clash, and of course Shane is up at two.

They slug it out and the fans are entirely behind AJ, even more than you might have expected them to be. I know he’s going to be the favorite coming in but this star treatment of Shane is making it even worse. The ref gets bumped (well duh) and it’s trashcan time. AJ loads up his own Coast to Coast but Shane throws the can at him (with AJ having to pull up on the dive, making it look horrible). Phillips: “AJ has stepped into Shane’s world now!” You mean high flying wrestling?

Shane’s Coast to Coast gets two and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The big elbow misses but of course Shane is fine enough to counter the Phenomenal Forearm into a Maiavia Hurricane. That’s not enough from Shane though as he gets to try the shooting star, which only hits mat. The Phenomenal Forearm connects to finally put Shane away at 20:31.

Rating: B. Well that was Shane, with some Shane on the side and then more Shane to wrap it up. AJ looked awesome but that’s all he supposed to be. This was all about Shane getting to counter and hang with AJ, which doesn’t do Styles any good. A 40+ year old who doesn’t wrestle shouldn’t be hanging with a guy who was World Champion less than three months ago. But hey, Shane, right?

James Ellsworth is having issues working out so Ric Flair comes in to give him a Snickers. Then Ellsworth becomes Charlotte. Uh, yeah.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens. Their friendship had been having some issues of late so Jericho put together the Festival of Friendship, an over the top celebration of all things Owens and Jericho. At the end of it, Owens turns on Jericho and beat the heck out of him. Jericho came back and cost him the Universal Title at Fastlane so Owens is coming for Jericho’s Universal Title. The question became could Owens win without Jericho and now we get the chance to find out.

US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. Jericho’s entrance brings back the countdown for a nice touch. Throw in the light up scarf and a big List of Jericho on the stage and this is advantage Chris. They slug it out to start with the Walls going on less than thirty seconds in. That sends Owens bailing to the floor and a top rope forearm to the head drops Owens back inside. Owens kicks him in the face and hammers away to take over.

We hit the chinlock, with some horribly obvious spot calling, followed by the backsplash for two. They head outside for the third time with Jericho backdropping his way out of the apron powerbomb. Jericho chops away and gets two off a super hurricanrana but gets clotheslined down. The frog splash misses, the Lionsault hits knees, and the Swanton hits knees as well to give us a slow down stretch.

Now the Lionsault connects for a delayed two but Owens gets in his own Walls of Jericho. A rope is grabbed so Owens tries the Cannonball, only to be reversed into the Walls. Kevin grabs the rope for the break and is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into the Codebreaker but Owens touches the rope with one finger for the save. That’s a sweet heel touch. Owens rolls outside and superkicks the knee, setting up the apron powerbomb to give him the pin and the title at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Not bad but they never cranked up the violence that you would have expected after seeing the Festival of Friendship. These two should have been ready to destroy each other and instead it’s just a match with Owens working the ribs and looking for a powerbomb. They accomplished the goal of making Owens look like he can win on his own, but this isn’t the way they should have gone about it.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks had raised the women’s division to entirely new levels and Charlotte needed a new challenger. Enter Bayley, who won the title on Raw in a big surprise, completely defeating the purpose of her character and leaving her with nothing to do. This problem would plague her for the next year and still does to this day. Nia Jax was added to the other three because you need to have as many people in Wrestlemania matches as possible.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending under elimination rules. The tube men are at ringside for a special change of pace. Sasha rides in on the back of a chauffeured car because that’s what Sasha does. Charlotte gets a crazy amount of pyro, making her look even more like a star than usual. Everyone goes after Nia to start but she wrecks them in increasingly short order. A Banzai Drop crushes Bayley and Nia throws Charlotte off the apron onto both Bayley and Sasha. There’s something about people being thrown around like weapons.

All three get together to go after Nia with Sasha wisely grabbing the leg to keep her in place. Charlotte boots Nia in the face for a double German suplex for two in a painful looking crash. Nia is back up and tries a second Banzai, only to get TripleBombed out of the corner for the elimination at 4:08.

As usual, Nia chokes in the big match because that’s just how she rolls. Charlotte pulls Bayley to the floor and it’s Sasha hitting a flip dive to take the champ down. As you might expect, it’s the corkscrew moonsault from the top to take Bayley and Sasha down again in a huge crash.

Back in and Natural Selection is countered into a failed Bank Statement attempt. Instead Charlotte gets two off a backbreaker and rips off a turnbuckle pad in frustration. Sasha’s top rope double knees are good for two of her own and the Bank Statement goes on. Sasha goes with a rollup and the kickout sends her face first into the buckle for the elimination at 8:10.

Bayley comes back in and gets her knee rammed into the exposed buckle. The moonsault, with the wind blowing Charlotte’s hair around, only hits mat to give Bayley a near fall. Charlotte is fine enough to go after the knee and grab the Figure Eight. Bayley gets to the rope so Charlotte takes her into the Tree of Woe, only to get backdropped from the top in a big crash. The big elbow is enough to retain the title at 12:04.

Rating: D. Why can’t they get these big matches right? This was completely backwards with Nia being thrown in there at the last minute and lasting all of four minutes. Then it’s Bayley not really overcoming the odds and just pinning Charlotte after shrugging off some of the offense. It’s not some come from behind win or a big moment, but really just a match where Charlotte happened to lose.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Hearing Jim Cornette’s voice in WWE is just wrong.

Diamond Dallas Page. Nice reaction and WELL deserved just for his stuff with Hall and Roberts alone.

Rock N Roll Express. WAY overdue.

Rick Rude. See the Rock N Roll Express.

Teddy Long. I defy you to not smile at this.

Eric LeGrand. Warrior Award and that’s fine.

Beth Phoenix. Fine enough if a female entrant is required.

Kurt Angle. Yep. Moving on.

Support the Boys and Girls Club! Fair request actually.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

No real story here as this is they’ve just been feuding and it’s time for a title match. Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match because we have to have one. Enzo and Cass’ speech is short this time as they say they’re climbing every rung to win the titles. We’re ready to go….and here’s New Day. Yeah remember them?

Anyway they’re in wrestling gear here but first, an announcement. This is now a FATAL FOUR WAY with one more team to be added. That would be the HARDY BOYZ, making a shocking return and giving us a legitimate Wrestlemania moment. Before the music hit, I stood up and said “they wouldn’t”, which was aided as I couldn’t see that New Day was in ring gear. Amazing moment here and the twenty six million YouTube views suggest that it’s quite the popular idea. Cole says thinks are about to be BROKEN and Matt does the DELETE pose.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) and the Hardys waste no time with Poetry in Motion to Gallows. Enzo and Cass are taken down as well as the fans are entire enamored with the Hardys all over again. A Whisper in the Wind takes both Sheamus and Cesaro down and it’s time for the first ladder. Jeff goes up but it’s Gallows making a pretty easy save. Cesaro comes back in and climbs onto Gallows’ shoulders for a double stomp onto Anderson’s ribs. Well that worked.

This time it’s Enzo and Cass coming in, just to make sure that everyone gets their turn in you see. That goes nowhere so the Hardys bridge the ladders between the ring and the apron but Cesaro and Sheamus slam them together. With a little too much Sheamus on offense, Cass launches Enzo over the ladders like a cannonball to take him down.

Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to Gallows while Cesaro Swings Anderson. Despite what Cole thinks, that’s not exactly working together. We hear about the Tag Team Titles not changing hands at Wrestlemania in SIXTEEN YEARS (that’s inexcusable) until Sheamus Brogue Kicks the heck out of Cass. Enzo shoves the ladder over to drop Gallows and Sheamus and goes up, sending Graves into hysterics over the horrible possibilities.

Sheamus and Gallows come back in for the save but don’t bother to knock him off the ladder. Instead it’s Anderson climbing the ladder and knocking Cesaro into the ladder. There’s a Magic Killer to Cesaro but Matt hits them both with a Twist of Fate, including a big one off of the ladder to Anderson. Jeff hits the required Swanton off the ladder to drive Cesaro through a bridged ladder, leaving Matt to pull the titles down at 11:05.

Rating: C+. There’s only so much you can get out of a ladder match like this with almost nothing to it other than the big Hardys return. That being said, they absolutely got the ending right as there was no other way to go here. Enzo and Cass weren’t going to work after something as special as the Hardys showing up so don’t even try. There wasn’t much to this in the way of high spots either, but this was ALL about Matt and Jeff, as it should have been.

Jimmy Fallon is here.

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella, which is mostly about Nikki and Cena teaming together for the first time ever. The idea is that Cena won’t marry Nikki so Miz and Maryse are better, meaning we’re just waiting on Cena to pop the question here. In the show stealing moment of the year though, Miz and Maryse did some parody videos of Cena and Nikki and Total Divas/Bellas, giving us some of the funniest things WWE has ever done.

They nailed the ridiculous nature of the shows to perfection and made Miz look like the guy who should be ready to break through every ceiling above her. Oh and Maryse as Nikki Bella: sweet GOODNESS that worked on about a million levels. Finally though, a year later with Miz and Maryse now as parents, Cena’s jokes about Miz “firing blanks” are pretty much dead.

Jerry Lawler is on commentary.

Nikki Bella/John Cena vs. Maryse/The Miz

Al Roker is guest ring announcer for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than having a celebrity appearance. This is Maryse’s first match nearly six years and she doesn’t look like she’s lost a step. Cena and Nikki run down the ramp and we see a wide shot for a cool visual. Cena’s mom is in the front row and he seems shocked to see her, which would be a heck of a surprise.

The women start and there’s no contact for a minute so let’s bring in the guys instead. Miz poses on the ropes and then bails to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Miz finally stomps away as we finally make contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse gets in a poke to the eye so Miz can fire off a left hand. Cena and Nikki have had no offense so far. The fans are very pleased with Miz’s beating of Cena, mainly because they realize how awesome those Total Bellas parodies were.

Miz misses the running clothesline in the corner but Maryse breaks up the hot tag attempt by pulling Nikki off the apron. A DDT gives Miz two and he slowly does Daniel Bryan’s pose (How amazing is it that the match could ACTUALLY HAPPEN?). The YES Kicks keep Cena rocked but Miz makes the mistake of telling Nikki that she can’t see him.

A big slap puts Miz on the floor and a diving tag brings in Nikki. Some bad forearms to Maryse’s arms (Shane could do better than that) don’t do much damage so Nikki runs Miz over instead. Back in and Nikki’s big forearm sets up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles. The AA and a Rack Attack 2.0 give us a double pin at 9:38.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that? Miz beat Cena up for about eight minutes and then it was hot tag Nikki to put the villains away Hogan style. After all the work and amazing promos, this is Miz’s Wrestlemania reward. I’m so glad this is what they went with instead of Cena vs. Undertaker, which was likely possible at this show. But hey, Total Divas and Total Bellas got a plot out of it.

Post match Cena says this is what Nikki wanted when she was rehabbing her neck. He tells a downright creepy story about Nikki being groggy before going inf or surgery. Apparently Cena asked if Nikki knew he would marry her one day. She said yes, and today is that day. Cena proposes and we get the big moment as she says yes. I’m SO glad this is what Cena, in the final few years that he has in WWE, is spending one of them doing this. It’s a sweet moment, but my goodness do this on Total Bellas where the fans want to see it.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. HHH, in another dumb story. So Rollins was HHH’s big ace in the hole a few years back and everything was all evil and great. Then Rollins tore his ACL and had to vacate the World Title, which HHH took as not being good enough to be the top guy. Let me repeat that: HHH said that leg issues were signs that someone wasn’t good enough to be the man in WWE. HHH then cost the returning Rollins the title to turn him face but now it’s time for revenge with a fired up Rollins wanting to burn the place down to destroy HHH.

Seth Rollins vs. HHH

Anything goes and, as usual, HHH gets the coolest entrance of the night with a big motorcycle and a police escort, plus Stephanie as a CRAZY HOT biker chick. Seriously, I know she can be irritating but she can rock the heck out of some leather pants. He gets the biggest entrance every year and it takes up a bunch of the spotlight but I can live with it if she’s in outfits like that.

Rollins’ entrance involves holding up a torch and touching it to the ground, sending digital flames down the ramp. I get the burn it down thing but it’s rather lame, along with coming after the really cool entrance. Well done again HHH, as he continues to be smarter than most wrestlers today.

They waste no time in slugging it out with Rollins getting the better of it (therefore I must remind you: HHH once won a slugout with modern day Brock Lesnar) to knock HHH outside. A dragon screw legwhip takes Rollins down by the knee that wasn’t hurt in the first place. Rollins shrugs it off and punches him away, followed by an enziguri back inside. The suicide dive sends HHH into the barricade and it’s already time for the announcers’ table. As usual, Rollins tries a Pedigree onto the table but gets countered with a DDT which doesn’t break the table.

HHH cranks up the violence with a chair to the knee before bridging Rollins’ knee between the ring and the table so he can drive his own knee into Rollins’. Back in and the slow knee work continues, because that’s how HHH loves to work on a show this big. Rollins tries the sunset bomb but hurts his knee all over again. It’s fine enough to hit the Buckle Bomb and a hard whip sends HHH over the corner to the floor. With HHH staggered, Rollins goes up top (Graves: “He’s screwed if he hits this or not.”) and scores with a high crossbody to the floor.

Since it’s an anything goes match, Rollins loads up a pair of chairs and a table on the floor instead of just bashing HHH with the chair. A frog splash to the back keeps HHH down but he kicks the knee out to cut Rollins off again. HHH takes forever to get up top though and gets a chair pelted at his head, setting up the superplex into the Falcon Arrow for two. You know, on the bad knee.

Stephanie breaks up the Phoenix Splash by pulling the knee onto the ropes and we hit a reverse Figure Four. That’s reversed into a Gargano Escape of all things but HHH goes smart by punching him in the knee. The reverse Figure Four goes on outside so Rollins reaches underneath the ring to find weapons. Naturally this includes the sledgehammer but HHH lets the hold go.

Back in and Rollins’ knee is fine enough for a low superkick to the face, followed by an enziguri to really hammer the point home. Stephanie takes the hammer away from Rollins though and a Pedigree gives HHH two. The fans barely even reacted to that one and I can’t say I blame them.

HHH channels his inner CM Punk and loads up a super Pedigree but gets backdropped down (already done by Bayley earlier). Now the Phoenix Splash gets two but neither can hit a Pedigree. Instead HHH hits him in the knee but walks into a superkick, which knocks Stephanie off the apron and through a table. That wakes the fans WAY up just in time for the Pedigree to give Rollins the pin at 25:25.

Rating: B-. This is an interesting one I was bored out of my mind watching it live but it flies by watching it back. That being said, the constant knee work got very dull, especially when it wasn’t even Rollins’ bad knee. As usual, the Stephanie bump got by far the strongest reaction of the night because it’s something you don’t see very often. It’s not a bad match at all but you EASILY could have chopped off ten minutes and no one would have missed a thing.

Pitbull performs the theme song and eats up way too much time.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the Smackdown World Title. Orton joined the Wyatt Family after becoming tired of being beaten down by the team. Then he won the Royal Rumble and promised to never cash in the title shot on new champion Wyatt. It wound up being a ruse though and Orton used his newfound access to the Wyatt Family compound to destroy the whole place. Then Bray poured Sister Abigail’s ashes over himself and gained her powers as this story got REALLY stupid. There was also something about Luke Harper nearly becoming #1 contender that went nowhere but warrants a quick mention.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and has a viper go down the ramp, which he himself called stupid. We get the Big Match Intros and Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and some right hands. They head to the floor for more right hands but Bray goes caveman with a running headbutt back inside. And then the lights go out (which I thought was a blackout) until the mat is covered with a projection of maggots. We’re about two minutes into the match and this is already in the pantheon of dumbest ideas ever.

Bray runs him over again and this time it’s worms on the mat. The referee jumps out of the ring, possibly because he wants to go work for a sensible company like TNA. A Rock Bottom into a backsplash gives Bray two but Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two. I mean, it doesn’t matter as they’ve completely lost the fans after that stupid, STUPID idea but never let that stop WWE.

They head outside again with Bray diving off the apron and straight into a dropkick. Sister Abigail into the barricade drops Orton again but he’s back up with an RKO to knock Bray silly on the floor. That’s only good for two back inside and Sister Abigail is countered into the backbreaker. Orton’s hanging DDT looks to set up the RKO but this time Sister Abigail connects for two. But hang on because let’s hit those roaches to complete the trio of stupid! Orton is finally done with all this nonsense and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:13.

Rating: F. You are the winter, fall and spring. You are the sun that summertime brings. You are the stars in the nighttime sky. You are my girl and I’m your guy. You got me all tied up in knots and I’m lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m just lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m lovin’ you lots and lots.

That doesn’t make sense? Neither does what we just saw. Moving on.

The pilots from the flyover are here. That’s kind of cool.

We recap the Universal Title match, which all started because of a video game. Goldberg came back at Survivor Series to face Brock Lesnar in a rematch of the nightmare that was Wrestlemania XX. In a shocker, Goldberg won in about a minute and a half. Then it was decided that Goldberg could win the title again. He went on to eliminate Brock from the Royal Rumble and then won the Universal Title in about thirty seconds at Fastlane. Lesnar needed to defeat Goldberg once and for all so we’re having the match for the title tonight. This is all narrated by Paul Heyman, who talks about fantasies coming to an end in a nice touch.

Here’s the thing: you could do this same story without the title. Have Lesnar put up his career to get one more shot at Goldberg (it’s not like there was any doubt on the winner here anyway) so let us have the original plan: Owens dropping the title to Jericho (who never won the World Title as a face) and then Lesnar winning it the next month. Nah. We need GOLDBERG winning the title in a nostalgia moment for whatever reason.

Universal Title: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Goldberg is defending and gets the long walk to the ring which might as well be the long walk to the gallows. Lesnar wastes no time and hits three German suplexes in nineteen seconds. In a great visual, the camera is on Lesnar when Goldberg cuts him down with a spear. A second spear sends Lesnar bailing and the third spear takes Lesnar through the barricade. That’s the first MINUTE of this match as they’re certainly starting fast.

Back in and both finishers are escaped, setting up another spear to Lesnar. The Jackhammer gets two, making Lesnar the second person to ever kick out (the other being Hogan, who only did it because of a missed cue). That means another spear (Heyman: “HE’S IN POSITION AGAIN!”) but this time Lesnar leapfrogs him and Goldberg hits the buckles. More suplexes (make it ten total) set up the F5 to officially conquer Goldberg at 4:47.

Rating: B. This was PERFECT for what they had to work with. Goldberg wasn’t going to be out there for a long match (he didn’t in his prime either) and they went with the right path. This was as action packed of a nearly five minute match as all you could have done. That first spear looked awesome and Goldberg gets to go out on his big moment. I’m pleased, though not as much as Goldberg, who probably made a ton of money for less than ten minutes combined of wrestling time in his comeback.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Alexa is defending and this is the most thrown together match that I can remember in a good while. They’re also rushing through the entrances due to the time issues. You know, because NOW they care about time issues. Naomi is the hometown girl and MY GOODNESS the Glow entrance is a sight to behold in a stadium. There are no tags of course so it’s a big brawl to start.

Naomi gets sent to the floor for a double suplex from Natalya and Carmella. Back in and Becky kicks the two of them down but James Ellsworth (Remember that?) grabs Becky’s foot to take over. Bliss breaks up a cover and screams at Carmella to get out of her ring. The DDT gets two on Natalya but Becky breaks it up this time, only to have Ellsworth come in. No Chin Music is countered into a Bexploder and it’s Naomi coming back in this time.

Naomi slingshots in to sunset flip Natalya, who German suplexes Becky at the same time. Speaking of the same time, Natalya tries a double Sharpshooter on Carmella and Naomi but can’t get the legs up. Well, not surprising, but it’s so bad that the camera cuts to her back. Naomi comes back in for a Rear View to Bliss and a big dive to take everyone out. Back in and Naomi’s reverse Rings of Saturn makes Bliss tap for the title at 5:33.

Rating: D. The timing issues KILLED this and there’s no way around it. Much like the ladder match earlier, there’s nothing you can do when you have five minutes and six people in a match. Naomi winning the title back is cool, but I still have no idea why her winning it back in her hometown is supposed to be some huge deal. Yeah it’s cool, but it’s not like this is some great moment.

Wrestlemania XXXIV is in New Orleans. Those songs will drive you crazy by the end of the weekend.

New Day comes out to thank the fans for the record attendance of 75,245. The team is still funny but egads they could have been cut out of this whole thing and not been missed.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker. Reigns eliminated him from the Rumble and now we have a match to determine who is the real Big Dog.

Jim Ross is out to do commentary for the main event. That’s even more impressive when you consider his wife died days before this show.

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

No holds barred, first announced before the entrances. Reigns is booed out of the stadium, as has become a custom. In a smart move, Undertaker rises from the middle of the ramp (with a cool visual of smoke building up and clearing to reveal him standing there). I completely missed this as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring and saw him climbing the steps.

Undertaker slugs away in the corner to start and knocks Reigns to the floor. Back in and Reigns knocks him over the top as well, with Undertaker landing on his feet. Reigns hammers him down to take over and they head outside so this can be more of a brawl, which is the only way to go. The apron dropkick (to a standing Undertaker) puts Undertaker down again but he wins a slugout back inside. Reigns hits him in the face and Undertaker just looks mad.

Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the legdrop for two. The threat of a chokeslam sends Reigns outside again and this time the apron dropkick is punched out of the air. Another dropkick staggers Undertaker but it’s a chokeslam onto the announcers’ table. They climb onto the other tables and it’s a spear to drive Undertaker through (almost in a running spinebuster) for the double knockout.

Reigns is the only one back in….and Undertaker sits up. Back in and Reigns does the corner clotheslines into the corner right hands, meaning the Last Ride (an AWFUL one at that with little impact and more Undertaker dropping Reigns than slamming him down). It’s chair time but Undertaker takes it away and beats him down instead. A quick Superman Punch knocks Undertaker into the ropes but another is countered into a chokeslam onto the chair.

The Tombstone gets two and the fans, who are supposed to be smart at Wrestlemania, seem shocked at the kickout. Off the first Tombstone. In a Wrestlemania match. Who’s the smart one here? Another Tombstone is loaded up but this time Reigns backflips….and just can’t lift Undertaker for the counter. They try a few more times but just stop for the sake of embarrassment with Reigns trying a Superman Punch instead.

The spear connects but Undertaker is fine enough to put on Hell’s Gate. The rope is reached for a break (erg) and Reigns unloads with the chair. Another spear gets another two and another spear gets another two and another Superman Punch (Undertaker sits up and falls over) sets up another spear to give Undertaker his second Wrestlemania loss at 22:57. That last sequence took nearly five minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s not terrible, but Undertaker looked like an old man who should have hung it up a few years ago. The problem here was the crowd being completely dead and it showed really badly. There’s only so much energy you can have in an academic match at the end of a seven hour show. Reigns winning makes complete sense but it was a bad match (the botches and CRAZY amount of time spent standing around didn’t do it any favors) and there’s no way around that.

Reigns gets the big pyro display behind him as he stands on the ramp (great shot) but we’re not done yet. Undertaker slowly sits up and we go to a bunch of replays. Back to live and it’s Undertaker standing in the ring with the hat and coat on. I use that term loosely as it looks like Mark Callaway standing there dressed as Undertaker. For the first time, it seems like we’re seeing the real person instead of the character, which is a MAJOR change for him.

He looks around to the crowd, takes off his gloves, coat and hat and folds them up in the ring. With the fans applauding, he goes outside, kisses Michelle McCool, and walks up the ramp. Undertaker stops, looks back one more time, raises the fist, and lowers down through the ramp, fist still in the air, to end the show with the gong sounding one more time. There was no commentary for the last ten minutes, without even a goodbye (appropriate here).

That’s about as perfect of a sendoff as WWE has ever done. It was emotional, it felt special, and it came off like the real thing. Undertaker is the last vestige of that older generation and him breaking character for the first time ever and leaving is incredible to see. It’s why I don’t want to see him wrestle again and why it makes me sad to think that he will. Incredible stuff, and Thank You Taker.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s no way around it: this show is way way way way way way way WAY too long. I got through an hour of the show a few days back (you know I’m not watching this in one sitting) and looked down at the bar in near horror of how little space I had covered. Five hours, plus TWO HOURS of a Kickoff Show is just too much, especially when there’s stuff to be cut. What could be cut? Well off the top of my head:

AJ vs. Shane (move AJ to ANYTHING else and drop Shane) entirely or at least cut it down by about eight minutes

Corbin vs. Ambrose (I know it’s the Intercontinental Title but on a show this huge, it’s understandable)

Smackdown Women’s Title (it’s just nothing and felt like total filler)

Five to ten minutes each off of Reigns vs. Undertaker and HHH vs. Rollins (those combine for nearly fifty minutes total)

Pitbull

AT LEAST get this down to four and a half hours of main show. That can’t be too much to ask, right?

Other than the timing issues though, the show is mostly solid. There’s a ton of good stuff up until the mixed tag and then things start to fall apart. The Universal Title match was as perfect as it was going to be get but there’s just so much bad around it (Bray vs. Orton, Reigns vs. Undertaker, HHH vs. Rollins in that match that is still going on somewhere, with HHH still working the knee) that the good is dragged down.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the timing issues as there’s almost no way to make a show this long work. It’s too much to sit through and it becomes a chore at the end. Just cut this down by a good hour (or two) and things are much better, but bigger is better for WWE and that’s not changing anytime soon. As it is, the show works more than it misses but it’s still not a classic by any means.

Ratings Comparison

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Original: A-

2018 Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Original: C-

2018 Redo: D

Hardy Boyz vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Original: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Original: F

2018 Redo: F

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Original: D-

2018 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Yeah I overrated a lot of this the first time around. It’s good, but not that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/04/07/wrestlemania-xxxiii-a-long-wait-for-a-long-show-with-a-long-ramp/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXXII
Date: April 3, 2016
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 101,763
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

As we get ready for the pre-show matches, the place might be 10% full at this point as there was some confusion in opening the gates. There were no lines and it was just a sea of humanity trying to get inside.

Pre-Show: Ryback vs. Kalisto

Ryback plants him off a headlock and easily throws the champ outside. Kalisto gets in a quick bulldog for two but the kickout sends him outside. Some double knees to the chest get the same result and Ryback gets to show off by gorilla pressing Kalisto up the steps and back inside. We take a break and come back with Kalisto taking a hard elbow to the jaw for two.

Team Total Divas vs. Team B.A.D. and Blonde

Total Divas: Natalya, Brie Bella, Paige, Alicia Fox, Eva Marie

B.A.D. and Blonde: Naomi, Lana, Summer Rae, Tamina, Emma

Post match Nikki Bella comes out in her neck brace in what is supposed to be some big moment.

Usos vs. Dudley Boyz

Post match the Dudleyz load up some tables but get splashed through them instead. Cool visual if nothing else.

Fifth Harmony sings a very nice rendition of America the Beautiful.

Inter-continental Title: Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn

Cara hits the big dive to put Stardust through the ladder, leaving Owens and Zayn to slug it out above the ring. Sami gets the better of it and hits the half and half suplex to drop Owens head first into a ladder (sick looking landing). That lets Sami go up until Miz shoves him over but this time Miz takes too long going up, earning himself a big shove off from Ryder, who climbs the ladder for the huge upset at 15:24.

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho drives him into the corner to start and the AJ STYLES chants are already going nice and strong. Styles gets in a hurricanrana and a snappy armdrag before sending Jericho outside. That should mean a slingshot dive but Jericho dropkicks him out of the air to take over. Back in and a neckbreaker sets up a dragon sleeper for a change of pace.

AJ tries to fight back but gets pulled down into the Walls for some good old fashioned ASK HIM/AHHHH exchanges. A rope is grabbed so AJ can hit the moonsault into a reverse DDT for two. Both guys head to the corner for a super sitout gordbuster and one heck of a crash. The Pele is countered into a Walls attempt but AJ reverses that into the Calf Crusher.

The Styles Clash is broken up and a Codebreaker gets a delayed two (with Cole making sure to say the near fall was due to the delay in a nice touch). For a change of pace, Jericho loads up AJ for the Styles Clash but gets planted face first for two instead. A rollup exchange sets up the real Styles Clash for two and the springboard 450 gets the same. With nothing else left, AJ heads to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm, only to have Jericho shove the referee away and catch Styles with the Codebreaker for the pin at 17:08.

New Day vs. League of Nations

Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar

Anything goes and Heyman gives Brock a big, over the top intro. JBL gives us a good example of trying to be too smart by calling Lesnar a former NWA Champion (assuming he means NCAA), which of course he never won. Brock hits the first suplex inside of ten seconds and the huge video screen above the ring kept count (It had been all over the place all night with unicorns for the New Day and various three camera shot replays. In other words, it was annoying in a hurry.).

Hall of Fame time with a pretty good class:

Godfather (So completely out of place here.)

Stan Hansen (How was he not in already?)

Joan Lunden (Warrior Award, which seems to have been forgotten this year.)

Fabulous Freebirds (You could argue they were the headliners.)

Snoop Dogg (Harmless. Not exactly PG but harmless.)

Sting (Only entrance and the loudest reaction.)

Everyone trades rollups to start in a fast and pretty athletic sequence until Charlotte kicks Becky in the face. That earns a nice round of applause and you can tell the women are ready tonight. A hurricanrana sends Charlotte across the ring and Sasha throws in an Eddie dance. They botch (not bad) a sunset flip/German suplex spot before Charlotte it sent outside, leaving Sasha to elbow Becky in the face.

Charlotte poses and gets some pyro to really make this special.

The Cell is lowered for the 33^rd time in WWE history. That stat kind of pulls things back a bit no?

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Rating: D-. WAY too long here with a match that should have been a glorified squash (which this was) that ran only about half this long. The idea that Shane could hang in there with Undertaker under these or any circumstances (including a bunch of run-ins, which never happened), is a combination of insulting and stupid.

The pre-show panel chats for a bit.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Konnor gets rid of Page a few seconds later as this is already pretty dull stuff. The yet to be official Golden Truth eliminates Konnor and Tatanka goes on a warpath that no one was asking for. Corbin tosses Tatanka to no reaction and Kane backdrops Swagger out. The Social Outcasts of all people clean house and get rid of Goldust and Truth. We get a victory lap until Kane and Corbin get rid of Rose and Axel.

Wrestlemania XXXIII is in Orlando.

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Rock Bottom, six seconds. Again, I saw this called Rock burying the Wyatts. You know, because people are worried about ERICK ROWAN needing protection.

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. HHH

Rating: D. And a lot of that is just for having the guts to go out there and do a match this boring in this spot on this show. This match was twelve minutes of HHH working on the arm and then getting into the main event style that went exactly where we knew it was going. The lack of drama or really anything interesting (save for that Stephanie spear) killed this and there was no recovering given how long the thing ran.

A quick celebration sets up the traditional long music video to wrap things up.

Ratings Comparison

Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B

Redo: B

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

New Day vs. League of Nations

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D-

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

Oh yeah I was still feeling the in-person vibe when I watched this back the first time. A C- is WAY too generous.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxii-strap-yourselves-in-this-is-a-long-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXXI
Date: March 29, 2015
Location: Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara, California
Attendance: 76,976
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. Los Matadores vs. Usos vs. New Day

Pre-Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Ryback gets rid of Goldust but Kane saves Big Show for no logical reason. Miz and Mizdow take a double chokeslam from Kane, who is quickly slammed out by Cesaro. Show dumps Jimmy but gets picked up by Cesaro again, only to escape and dump Cesaro with ease. Ryback grabs a spinebuster on Show and is eliminated for trying to get any momentum.

Aloe Blacc sings America the Beautiful.

Intercontinental Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Bad News Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Luke Harper vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose

Truth sets up the big ladder but Stardust goes for the climb, only to get superplexed back down by Barrett. Bryan, Ziggler and Ambrose go up top until Dean drops down and shoves the ladder over. Dean goes up until Harper powerbombs him off the ladder and through a ladder bridged between the barricade and ring. Ziggler tries a sleeper on Harper as he climbs, followed by the Zig Zag to bring them crashing down.

Somehow Dolph is able to climb up, only to have Barrett pull him down into the Bull Hammer. Another one knocks Truth off but Bryan makes a quick climb and kicks Barrett down. Barrett is right back up though and makes a save, followed by a quick running knee from Bryan, allowing him to climb up, headbutt Ziggler off and win the title at 13:55.

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton

Rollins is Mr. Money in the Bank and has Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble as his personal stooges. Seth starts by flipping away from Orton, only to eat a dropkick and bail to the floor from the threat of an RKO. Back in and a big clothesline looks to set up the RKO again but the Stooges offer a distraction to break it up. Orton deals with them early off a double elevated DDT from the apron.

Ronda Rousey is here.

HHH vs. Sting

No DQ or countout. Sting is played to the ring by some kind of Japanese band with drums and a gong. As you might expect, HHH completely upstages him with a full on Terminator commercial with the robots rising from the stage, a clip from the movie, HHH dressed as a Terminator and Arnold Schwarzenegger himself appearing on screen for the introduction. It might be time to call in Robocop.

Sting fights them off with ease and backdrops HHH onto them, setting up a dive off the top (remember that Sting is 56 here) to take them all out. Back in and a Pedigree gets two so HHH gets the sledgehammer (one of at least two under the ring). This brings out the NWO (Hall, Nash and Hogan) to save Sting (SO much wrong with that statement, not even counting trying to remember if the Kliq exists in storylines or not). They take their sweet time and eventually clean house, allowing Sting to hit the Scorpion Death Drop (reverse DDT) for two.

Ads for new shows coming to the WWE Network, including the new Divas Search.

Maria Menunos, in a Bushwhackers shirt, brings in Daniel Bryan. First ever Intercontinental Champion Pat Patterson comes in to congratulate him, as do Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, Ric Flair (of course) and Bret Hart, who starts a YES chant. Ron Simmons comes in and scares them all before hitting his catchphrase.

AJ Lee/Paige vs. Bella Twins

Real people vs. reality stars (from Total Divas), even though Paige had already become a cast member. Nikki is Divas Champion and in the middle of her reign of doom. Paige debuted at the Raw after Wrestlemania last year and has formed a dream team with AJ to take on the sisters.

Rating: C-. This was a handicap match for the first half with Paige cleaning house, which was made even weirder when AJ came in anyway. Not that it mattered though as the Bellas were going to be pushed as the stars as long as they wanted to because of that stupid reality show. In theory this should have set up AJ as the next challenger but she retired later in the week and left the company for good.

We get a tale of the tape for Lesnar vs. Reigns, which Cole says is the result of a computer analysis. The stats include height, weight and career accomplishments. Did this computer analysis take place in the Korean War?

Hall of Fame video, with highlights of Lanny Poffo reading a poem to induct his brother Randy Savage and Connor Michalek receiving the first Warrior Award.

The Class of 2015 includes Rikishi, Larry Zbyszko (mainly famous in the 80s), Alundra Blayze, Connor Michalek, the Bushwhackers (with Butch on crutches but still doing the strut), Tatsumi Fujinami (a legendary Japanese wrestler), Randy Savage (represented by his brother), Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Kevin Nash (for the required Kliq member, though I wonder why he can go in under his real name and not Hall).

US Title: Rusev vs. John Cena

Rusev blames Lana for the loss.

Wrestlemania XXXII is in Dallas.

The pre-show panel talks about the Tag Team Title match and Big Show winning the battle royal. Thanks for reminding me.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to brag about the new attendance record and desperately fill in some time as we have two matches left and nearly an hour and a half to go. Stephanie talks about watching Wrestlemania I live and seeing her friend Andre the Giant (This was a thing for her around this time as she would mention this whenever she could. For some reason this was her justification for not letting Cena be in the Andre battle royal.).

Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker

Ad for Extreme Rules.

WWE World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

A belly to belly overhead brings Reigns back in over the top rope but Reigns shakes his head at Brock again. Another F5 gets two and now Brock take the gloves off. Some hard slaps put Reigns down but he tells Brock to bring it on. Another German earns him another bring it on so Brock gives him suplex number ten. The third F5 gets two more, putting Reigns past Undertaker last year. Brock takes Roman outside but Reigns posts him, drawing some real blood from Lesnar.

WWE World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

The Curb Stomp puts Brock down but Reigns has to spear Brock down to save Seth from an F5. Another Curb Stomp (and a whisper of “thank you so much” to Reigns) gives Seth the title at 16:43!

Rating: A-. They went in a TOTALLY different direction here and it was the best thing they possibly could have done. Reigns vs. Lesnar had little interest as a match but as a one sided war with Reigns giving it everything he had near the end, they turned it into one of the most dramatic spectacles you could find. They had me on the near fall after that second spear and I lost it when Rollins came out.

Fireworks and posing take us out.

Overall though, this was a major surprise and a better show than it had any right to be. The low expectations helped it a lot, but this was looking like one of the worst Wrestlemanias in history and wound up being a lot of fun. Nothing on it really stands out above the rest (save for maybe the main event) so the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts. Really fun show here.

Ratings Comparison

New Day vs. Los Matadores vs. Usos vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd

Original: C+

Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D+

Redo: D

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match

Original: B

Redo: B

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: B

Sting vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: B-

Paige/AJ Lee vs. Bella Twins

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Rusev vs. John Cena

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: C+

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: B+

Yeah the shock had a lot to do with it but there was good stuff throughout.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/03/29/wrestlemania-xxxi-shock-and-awe-shock-and-awe/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6