Mayhem 1999
Date: November 21, 1999
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 13,839
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

It’s tournament time with the final four participants in the World Title tournament squaring off to find out who Russo has decided should be his first World Heavyweight Champion. Other than that, we have a bunch of stupid gimmick matches for stories that make next to no sense and are likely there to make fun of the WWF and expose the business as much as possible. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the tournament, which for some reason had 32 people involved (or however many it was when you take out all of the Madusas) and we hear about how the final four got here. Just so you know what’s going on, they recap EVERY SINGLE MATCH before they get to the important ones. Two and a half minutes into the recap, we know the final four names.

Opening video. Wait that wasn’t what we just watched?

The announcers, with Tony in a snazzy suit, preview the show and try to talk over the WE WANT FLAIR chants. I think this is the first time we hear the card in full.

WCW World Title Tournamet Semi-Finals: Jeff Jarrett vs. Chris Benoit

Guess who the fans are behind here. Jeff tries to jump Benoit from the bell but gets chopped into the corner for a tornado DDT for two. A top rope superplex gets two for Benoit less than two minutes in as he’s coming out swinging here. He misses a baseball slide but wins a quick chop off on the floor. That earns him a crotching against the post as the American takes over.

Back in and Jeff gets two off a powerslam (that’s a rare one for him) and almost drops him in a vertical suplex. There’s the sleeper as you can see fans posing to see themselves on the big screen. Normally I would say watch what you paid for, but I’d be stunned if a good chunk of that arena wasn’t papered. Benoit reverses into a sleeper of his own but Jeff belly to backs his way to freedom. Something like an Irish Curse (I won’t bother saying “Canadian Curse?” as it’s WAY too easy of a joke) sets up the Rolling Germans for two on Jeff and here are Creative Control to prevent a good match from breaking out.

Jarrett hot shots him to the floor but Benoit comes back in and rolls through a high cross body for two. A belly to back sets up the Swan Dive but Creative Control breaks it up and lays out Benoit, allowing Jarrett to hit the Stroke. Cue Dustin Rhodes to fight Creative Control as Benoit kicks out at two. The guitar is brought in but Benoit takes it away and blasts Jeff (totally against his character of course) to go to the finals.

Rating: B-. Dang it they almost had me there for a second. I almost thought we were going to get a good match from beginning to end between two talented guys who can work whatever kind of match you ask. But alas, it took three run-ins and a weapon to make this REALLY interesting. It was nice while it lasted though.

Benoit gets beaten down post match and the fans think Jarrett, who isn’t even involved in the show at this point but he used to be in the WWF and therefore matters, sucks.

Disco Inferno insists he cares about the title but is curious how much the gold is worth. He’s bet $25,000 on himself tonight because there’s NO WAY he could lose to Karagias. Jarrett and Creative Control lays him out due to frustration.

Cruiserweight Title: Evan Karagias vs. Disco Inferno

Disco is defending but is also running from gambling bosses who want the money he owes them. The banged up champion has Tony Marinara in his corner but Evan jumps Disco in the aisle, but the referee starts the match anyway. The bell rings and they get inside with Evan getting two off a clothesline. Marinara joins commentary to ask why Heenan is called the Brain. Heenan goes to answer but fugitaboutit. He’s Italian you see. Disco fights back but Evan does some leapfrogs into a dropkick for two. Feel the workrate baby!

A springboard twisting cross body gets two on the champ as the fans have died quite a bit since the opener. Imagine that. The announcers discuss what Schiavone is paid before talking about haircuts. Madusa offers a distraction and we get an awkward, mostly messed up sequence into a rollup from Evan for two. A nice Russian legsweep plants Karagias and the dancing elbow (complete with a kiss to Madusa) gets the same.

Disco throws him to the floor, unfortunately causing Madusa to walk towards the camera. Back in and Evan’s splash hits knees as the fans are REALLY not impressed. With Evan down, Disco goes outside to hit on Madusa. That goes as well as you would expect so Marinara gets leaves the booth to try his hand with Madusa. Evan goes after Tony, who gets chaired in the head by Disco. Tony: “What else can go wrong?” Oh you don’t want to ask that Schiavone. Evan hits a high cross body for the pin and the title, plus $25,000. That makes no sense but whatever.

Rating: D+. Here’s the problem: these matches aren’t cruiserweight style matches. They’re matches that happen to have cruiserweights involved. Evan wrestles a cruiserweight style but he’s just not very good at it. The gambling story is interesting but as usual there’s too much going on in the same match to keep track of it. It didn’t help that Marinara’s HORRIBLE Italian stereotype made the commentary even more horrible.

Bret Hart arrives half an hour into the show.

Russo tells a bloody Jarrett to prove himself by the end of the show or his favors are over.

Norman Smiley is scared of construction workers but is ready for the Hardcore Title match. Well he’s in luck then.

Hardcore Title: Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs

The title is vacant coming in and I believe this is for the inaugural championship. I’ve seen this billed as a tournament final but I don’t remember anything but Knobbs getting to face the winner of a match. Norman comes out in Maple Leafs gear to keep the fans behind him. Brian hammers him down with whatever weapons he could find to start but misses a middle rope trashcan shot. Some hockey sticks onto the trashcan onto Knobbs has Brian in trouble but he breaks up the HARDCORE WIGGLE. That’s like the Big Wiggle, but HARDCORE. What’s HARDCORE about it isn’t clear but it’s 1999 so you have to say HARDCORE in a loud voice.

Knobbs finally has a good idea and takes off some of Norman’s pads, only to get nailed in the head with a trashcan lid. Norman goes after Jimmy Hart though, allowing Brian to knocks Smiley into the cart full of weapons. They stagger backstage and just happen to run into a waiting camera crew.

Knobbs sends him through a table and breaks a crutch over Norman’s back. They fight by the hamburger buns and Knobbs’ face is RED. Jimmy throws cans of soup at Norman and this is finally getting to be kind of entertaining. They fight into an elevator and the doors close…..but unfortunately open again with Jimmy hitting Brian with a trashcan by mistake to give Norman the pin and the loudest pop of his career.

Rating: C-. See, the way to make the hardcore matches entertaining is to take them out of the ringside area. These things are so much better when they get creative with them instead of just doing the same weapons spots over and over again. I mean, would you want to try to make something out of Brian Knobbs without mixing things up a bit?

Knobbs beats Norman up post match.

We recap the Revolution vs. the Filthy Animals, which is built around kidnapping Torrie Wilson. This story made little secret about it being a way to showcase Torrie, which was one of the best ideas they could have had here.

The Revolution wants to see Torrie get stuck alone without help.

The Animals speak whatever language they use. In a genuinely funny moment, Gene stares at Konnan, so Konnan asks if it’s the hat or the belt this time. Gene in a deadpan voice: “Hat.” Torrie is going to use the Revolution as toothpicks or something.

Marinara is bringing the boys to deal with Disco tomorrow. Disco thinks he’s a dead man.

Jarrett has a 2×4 and is going to deal with someone. That would be the fourth promo segment in 90 seconds on a pay per view.

Revolution vs. Filthy Animals

It’s Saturn/Malenko/Asya vs. Guerrero/Kidman/Torrie and this is elimination rules. Kidman and Guerrero storm the ring to start fast as Douglas sits in on commentary. That’s a very repetitive theme for WCW these days. Eddie backdrops Dean to officially start and the fans chant for Torrie. The guys fall to the floor so Saturn takes both of them out with an Asai Moonsault.

Kidman dives on all of them but a Canadian clown pokes Malenko with a Canadian flag. They treat it like a real fan but you never can tell around here. The girls go at it with Asya getting the better of it but walking into a BK Bomb. Eddie checks on Torrie but shoves Kidman into a rollup for the elimination. After about four seconds of the Revolution’s theme music plays, the Revolution guys jump Eddie and the Animals are in trouble. Saturn kicks Eddie in the back from the apron as Konnan leaves as well. Some teammate.

Asya suplexes Eddie for a round of applause, even though she would be an appetizer for Chyna. Off to Dean who gets dropkicked into the corner, setting up a hurricanrana from Eddie for the elimination. Not quite Hostile City Showdown but that might be entertaining. Saturn t-bones Guerrero down as Torrie is on the floor like a manager due to a bad ankle injury. Heel miscommunication (another running theme tonight) sees Saturn superkick Asya, setting up the Frog Splash to make it 2-1.

It’s Saturn with a northern lights suplex for two as you can see a “Who booked this crap” sign in the front row. Eddie gets out of a sleeper with a jawbreaker and puts on one of his own, only to get tossed down by a belly to back (not a t-bone Tony). A tornado DDT gets two for Eddie but he walks into the Death Valley Driver for a near fall, sending Douglas into a panic. Saturn misses his great looking top rope elbow but rolls through a high cross body into the Rings of Saturn to make Eddie give up. So it’s Saturn vs. Torrie with the girl kicking him low for two. Douglas low blows Torrie with his cast to give Saturn the pin.

Rating: C. This was decent due to the talent in there and Torrie in general but there wasn’t much of chance with how fast the eliminations went down. What was the point of the eliminations anyway? Other than having an unnecessary stipulation, I don’t know why they needed to put it out there. Couldn’t they put Torrie on a pole or something?

Jarrett and Creative Control lays out Bagwell, even though that would be hurting his chances to get rid of Hennig, even though the Powers That Be seem to want to get rid of Bagwell at the same time.

Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell

Loser retires, which makes you wonder why the Powers That Be didn’t give Hennig this stipulation from the start. Or why Buff is in this stipulation at all. Creative Control and Jarrett come in to beat down Hennig and the bell rings as the attack begins. Bagwell comes out with the 2×4 to make the save but Hennig decks him anyway because both of their careers are on the line. The fans chant PERFECT as he takes it to the floor and walks Bagwell around ringside.

Hennig gets in a rant that I couldn’t understand on the headset before they head back inside. Buff knocks him right back to the floor for an ax handle off the apron. Back inside with Buff in control, which Tony interprets as being all Hennig. Curt takes over a few seconds later with a legdrop between Buff’s legs for a smattering of applause. Off to a sleeper (I believe the fifth of the night) before Hennig chokes Buff with Buff’s necklace. That goes nowhere so it’s right back to the sleeper.

An elbow drop with a biceps flex gets two for Curt but Buff claims gimmick infringement and takes control as a penalty. Heenan tries to say this is the most important match of their careers and you can tell he doesn’t believe a word of it. A Blockbuster out of nowhere (seriously, they were just trading punches before it hit) makes Hennig retire. They keep using the term “hang up his boots”, which he’ll probably do literally before taking a pair from the Powers and turning heel.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what happened in this story and it was clear that they just gave up trying about three minutes in. I’m still not sure how we got to this match and why the Powers want to get rid of either guy, but the match was horrible most of the way around. Bad stuff and why do I not believe Hennig is really gone?

Hennig gets a standing ovation from the respectful crowd.

Sting says we may be in Canada but it’s still Showtime.

To give you an idea of Russo’s pace, we’re not even halfway through this show and we have seven matches left. For a comparison, Wrestlemania XXX and XXXI had seven matches total.

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Sting vs. Bret Hart

Recent DVD releases suggest that Bret is really proud of this one. Sting has already started wrestling in the t-shirt. They shove each other around to start and stare each other in the face before Bret wins a slugout. Tony: “Those have authority!” Something I’ve always wondered: whose authority is that?

It goes outside with Bret still in control before taking it back inside for the Five Moves of Doom. Sting, having seen ANY Bret match ever, is easily able to break them up. Yes, Sting was actually smart. It’s shocking I know but it does happen occasionally. Sting sends him into the buckle but Bret kicks him in the ribs. I guess his horrible knee injury from a few weeks ago is just fine now. A low blow from Sting (who seemed to have turned face again recently) puts Bret down and we hit sleeper number 8 or so tonight.

Back outside for some reason with being sent into the announcers’ table. The Stinger Splash hits the table (at least it wasn’t the barricade again) to change control and they head back inside. Sting pulls the referee in the way of a top rope forearm because we need to get to the interference. As luck would have it, here are Luger and Liz with the former hitting Sting in the knee with the bat.

Bret isn’t cool with that and puts Lex in the Sharpshooter, but that’s a DQ win for Hart. He doesn’t want it that way though so he goes through the Five Moves, gets kicked in the face, and counters the Scorpion into the Sharpshooter to make Sting tap. Again, Russo has no idea how his characters work.

Rating: D+. That’s what he was proud of? It was decent enough but as usual it turned into a brawl instead because neither guy seemed interested in doing a match. They need to pick a side for Sting, but NOT ONE THAT TAPS OUT. Just totally against his character but why should that matter to Russo? I mean, he’s just a wrestler. Interesting coincidence here: the two semi-final matches had exactly the same time at 9:27 each.

Sting shakes Bret’s hand to turn face again I guess.

Benoit says it would be an honor to beat Hart for the title in Canada.

Luger already has a surgical collar on and doesn’t think he can compete tonight against Meng.

Vampiro vs. Berlyn

Dog Collar match just because. You win by pins or submission. In case this isn’t enough, Dr. Death and Ferrara as JR come out with the latter doing commentary. Berlyn hits the referee with the collar as Ferrara lists off football stats. The Misfits are sent to the floor as Wall beats up Vampiro. Wall misses a big boot and gets crotched with the chain as Berlyn stomps on Jerry Only outside. That doesn’t hurt Wall’s bricks though so Vampiro slams him down.

Berlyn comes back in and stomps Vampiro down, only to have Wall put the collar around his own neck. A HUGE chokeslam puts Vampiro down and Wall covers for two. That angers Berlyn but the referee keeps counting anyway. Wall, minus the sunglasses now, throws the collar at Berlyn (Ferrara: “COLLAR! COLLAR! COLLAR!”) and walks away. Vampiro hits a spinwheel kick and throws him down with a release superplex. Now Only gets in for a double suplex, followed by a Vampiro camel clutch with the chain to make Berlyn tap. Vampiro and Berlyn were never attached by the chain.

Rating: F. Next. That’s all I’ve got. Next.

Williams beats up Vampiro and Only, because this whole mess was there so we could have a laugh at JR’s expense. It wasn’t a funny laugh but it was indeed a laugh.

Rick Steiner has forfeited the TV Title and, news to me, was scheduled to defend against Scott Hall tonight. Therefore Hall is now a double champion and issues an open challenge for both titles tonight.

Hennig leaves.

Kimberly is just getting here.

Meng vs. Total Package

Luger is wrestling in the surgical collar. Meng hammers on him to start and no sells a slam. That takes them to the floor with Meng dominating, but Tony thinks the neck brace is a way to block the Tongan Death Grip. And yes, that is EXACTLY the point of the thing. Back in and Meng tries the Death Grip to no avail. Meng chokes in the corner (should that work either?) and Luger screams for help. Luger: “HELP!” See? He screamed for help.

Luger tries a headbutt to about as much avail as you would expect and Meng runs him over a few more times. A kick to the face gets two and Meng chokes on the ropes, only to pull Luger up so Liz maces Luger by mistake (same deal that started the feud). Meng takes off the brace and puts on the Death Grip to win.

Rating: D-. A month ago Luger went over Bret on pay per view and now he’s jobbing to Meng in five minutes. This was a one idea match and it made Meng out to be a one move wrestler. I could have seen this sort of thing on Thunder but instead we get it late in the second hour of a pay per view. Only in Russo World. Also only in Russo World can Liz play Jimmy Hart to Luger’s Brian Knobbs and Meng’s Norman Smiley as it’s basically the exact same ending from an hour ago.

Bret says he’s been here for two years and is going to win the title he deserves. Luger can be heard shouting for Liz as he’s talking.

David Flair is polishing his crowbar in anticipation of holding Kimberly down against her will or making her scream that she can’t take it anymore.

TV Title/US Title: Scott Hall vs. ???

After the survey, with Hall saying Nash is on his way, the open challenge is answered by…..Booker T. Well he does deserve a big spot like this. If nothing else, Booker is the second young guy to get a shot at a main event star tonight. Ignore the commentators’ surprise after his music came on for a second and then went back off. Hall is insanely over because this is Canada and if you were over in the WWF, you were over forever. For life you might say.

Hall drives the shoulders in to start but Booker hook kicks him for two and some booing. A forearm puts Hall on the floor and he has to check for loose teeth. Back in and the chokeslam and fall away slam have Booker in trouble and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Hall puts on a sleeper and we’ve got Jarrett plus Creative Control. Tony makes sure to point out that they’re Patrick and Gerald because that’s so funny. Booker fights out and kicks both twins down but gets caught in the Outsider’s Edge to retain the titles.

Rating: D. It’s a shame too as this could have been a good match had they just let these guys fight. In theory this is just Booker getting screwed by the Powers and not Hall being on their side, unless there’s some grand scheme to get all the titles on a select group of Russo backed wrestlers. Nah that couldn’t happen.

Midnight comes out for the save.

Luger is still trying to find Liz.

We recap David Flair vs. Kimberly. So Kimberly tried to get David to sleep with her for reasons not clear, but she wound up sleeping with Ric instead. That sent David into insanity so she ran him over with a car. He was crazy enough to no sell it and has turned into a B-movie stalker ever since. Note that instead of Ric vs. Page in what could be a decent match, this is the best we can get.

Kimberly vs. David Flair

After running scared of David for weeks, Kimberly comes out in leather pants and a low cut backless top with a smirk on her face (she looks great in other words). David no sells a low blow and shoves the referee down, so Kimberly drops to her knees. You know what the fans are chanting. She unbuckles his pants and takes out the cup he was wearing before getting in some kicks as the fans turn on this mess. David stands up so here are Kanyon and Page (Why was he not with his wife all night???) to lay out Flair. Arn Anderson comes out to save David and gets beaten up by the tire iron. That’s the, ahem, match.

Anderson is taken out on a stretcher.

We recap the Goldberg vs. Sid rematch from last month where the match was stopped due to Sid’s excessive bleeding. Sid has kind of turned face since then so this should be interesting. Horrible of course but interesting.

Sid says he won’t say he quits.

Goldberg vs. Sid Vicious

I Quit match. The fans boo Goldberg to start and then INSTANTLY start chanting his name. That’s one fickle group. They start slugging it out before Goldberg even gets in the ring as Heenan says this is like the Super Bowl or the World Series. It heads to the floor immediately and the fans think Goldberg sucks. Back in and Sid’s cobra clutch slam gets a nice reaction. He slowly chokes and rips at Goldberg’s face and plants him with a pair of chokeslams.

Goldberg pops back up and cranks on the arm before picking him up and clotheslining him down a few times without letting go of the bad arm. The fans boo this out of the building as Goldberg puts on a horrible cobra clutch (Goldberg: “This is it.”) for the win with Sid passing out. Well having Goldberg’s hand on your forehead and holding your hand is indeed painful looking.

Rating: F-. This was supposed to be Hart vs. Austin, but that was four times longer than this, had two competent wrestlers, and a ton of emotion. Oh and that whole iconic image thing. Instead, as usual with Russo, they tried to get to the ending without putting in the effort first and it looks like a disaster instead of what they were going for.

Luger says Liz knows she screwed up and he’ll find her.

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit

Feeling out process to start until Bret takes him down in an armbar. A headlock puts Bret down for one and they hit a pinfall reversal sequence, capped off by a Crossface attempt to send Bret into the ropes. The fans are WAY into this one as they know one of their heroes is coming out champion.

Benoit gets sent to the floor and the Canadian Clown from earlier jumps the barricade to attack him with the flag. It’s Dean Malenko in something else he probably hated doing. Bret chases him off and piledrives Benoit for two. A belly to back gets two on Hart and both guys are already beaten down. The tombstone and Swan Dive get two more as we have Outsiders (late to break up the pin so Bret had to make an awkward kickout).

They nail the referee so Goldberg comes out to deal with them. That earns him a chair to the back but Bret helps fight them off as we’re left with Benoit vs. Goldberg in the ring. A new referee comes out as Goldberg fights the Outsiders on the stage. The screen splits to show the three of them fighting in the back while the WORLD TITLE is being decided in the ring. Benoit goes after the leg but the Figure Four sends Bret right to the ropes.

With the knee suddenly fine again, Bret scores with a backbreaker followed by a superplex. Bret starts in on the back and throws Benoit to the floor, where Benoit is pelted with trash. Back in and Chris rolls some Germans but can’t get the Crossface. Instead Bret sweeps the legs and puts on the Sharpshooter for the submission and the title.

Rating: B. Well that was…..well it was something. It’s the best wrestling match in the Russo Era so far, but that’s covering some very shallow ground. The ending being clean helps this a lot and gave it the legitimacy it was needing. However, this brings up the same question that comes up every night: what was the need for the interference? What did those three coming to the ring add to this match in the slightest? They even threw in a split screen to make sure you knew they weren’t doing anything important. Bret winning the title is a good thing, though it should have been a year ago at the latest.

Bret’s family comes in to celebrate and he hugs Benoit. Tony says this is just another day in Bret’s career to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The opener and main events carry this as far as they can but the rest drags it down through the floor, the concrete and the upper half of the earth’s mantle. Way too much interference and nonsense throughout the show cripples it as the stuff they have ranges from not making sense to being there just to pad out the show in the place of wrestling. It’s clear that they have no idea what they’re doing on a wrestling show and somehow it’s only going to get worse. The wrestlers are trying where they can, but they’re fighting a guerrilla war against people that hate what they do and why they’re there.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: April 10, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Taz, Josh Matthews

This is an interesting time for TNA as they have a bunch of potential challengers for Kurt Angle’s World Title but it seems that Lashley has the most valid claim to a shot. Last week Angle pinned Lashley but the replay showed that Lashley’s shoulder was up. Other than that we have Drew Galloway’s Rising ready to deal with MVP’s Beat Down Clan. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Galloway debuting a few weeks back to try and take back wrestling from the Beat Down Clan. He now has his friends in the Rising to help in his battle.

Tonight, fan Tweets will be airing on screen. This is apparently interesting for reasons that I don’t really understand but WWE does it so it’s a good idea right?

Here’s Kurt Angle to address the end of last week’s show. There’s been a lot of buzz over the match with Lashley so he’d like Lashley out here right now. We look at the tape of Lashley’s shoulder being up and the fans want a rematch. Angle says he won’t back down from a title defense because he knows he can beat Lashley again. They’re ready to fight tonight but Eric Young comes out to crank up the suck.

Eric says he’s #1 contender and the rankings say so. He’s a main event champion and Angle is holding his belt. The fans don’t seem to agree but Young grabs Lashley’s face. Angle goes for Young but Lashley spears the champ down by mistake. Oh the drama. Maybe we can see Eric Young get in a match way over his head again but get to see him survive because he’s Eric Young and has been around forever and for some reason that makes him interesting. I mean, he’s not tall like Big Show but he has been around a long time.

Post break, Angle is still in the ring and says he’ll fight Lashley and Young tonight at the same time.

Video on the history of Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim.

Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong

#1 contenders match. They go nose to nose until Gail gets launched across the ring by the hair. Back up and Kin gets in a few unsold shots before being tossed right back down. As the match goes on, I get THRILLING Tweets of fans saying they like the match and that they’re watching the show. You can’t buy journalism like this people. Gail fights up from a camel clutch but runs into a hard clothesline. King rips the turnbuckle pad off and sends Gail outside, only to get dropkicked into the barricade.

Back in and Gail fires off forearms to the chest before getting two off a spinning cross body. Kong misses a charge into the exposed buckle to give Gail two as we get a Tweet from Jim Ross about how good Gail is. See, that’s the kind of thing we need live commentary to point out. Eat Defeat gets another near fall but Kong just grabs her by the throat and sets Kim on the top rope. Gail dives again and goes right into the Awesome Bomb for the pin at 7:18.

Rating: C. This is one of those old, storied feuds in TNA that was indeed cool ten years ago or however long it was, but now it’s more like “hey, I remember when they had matches back then.” Thankfully they didn’t play that up too strong here and it was really just a step above a Kong squash. Taryn vs. Kong could be good if they book it right.

We immediately cut to James Storm and Mickie James. Mickie thanks him for the save last week but that’s just how southerners are raised. This is more like the old Storm. She goes to leave but he asks for a hug. Manik comes up and asks what was up with that but Storm goes back into Revolution mode and tells Manik to never question his motives. He orders Manik to round up the team for a fight. That transition from Kong to Storm was way too fast and something TNA needs to work on. It’s ok to stay on the winner more than two seconds before you get to your next thing.

Back from a break with the Revolution in the ring and Storm sitting in a chair. He’s brought them out here to make things very clear: this is about a revolution, not for him to take care of them. Each and every one of the men in this ring failed him, which is why Sanada is gone. Storm yells at Khoya, saying he brought him out of that horrible country but now Khoya has failed him.

There’s always room for one more, but now there can always be room for one less. He’s going to win this Tag Team Title tournament and one of them is going to be his partner. The fans chant for Manik, but Storm makes a three way to determine who gets the spot. A referee comes out and Storm insists that there must be a winner.

Abyss vs. Khoya vs. Manik

Abyss cleans house but Manik hits him with a chair, which seems to be legal. Khoya picks up a stick that Storm left in the ring but Abyss knocks him into the corner. Apparently the title match is next week in Ultimate X. That’s rather sudden but that’s life in TNA. Manik counters a chokeslam into a standing cross armbreaker (Six Second Magic for you No Mercy fans out there) but Khoya comes in for the save. A Sky High to Manik is enough to get Khoya the spot in the tournament at 2:50.

We go back to James Storm’s barn with the ghost hunters from last week. The results are inconclusive.

Here’s the Rising for a chat. Drew really does fit in this role. He’s so awesome that he can cut a promo and have his LIVE Tweet show up on screen at the same time. Drew says he’d give us the shirt off his back and that’s exactly what he does. He started the Stand Up campaign to bring wrestling back where it belongs and the fans are part of the Rising with them. Drew hands the microphone off for the official introductions.

First up we have Micah, formerly known as Camacho. The BDC is a bunch of bullies and it’s time to punch them right in the mouth. The other member is Eli Drake (you might know him as Shaun Ricker) and he talks about how they’re definitely not Superstars, but professional wrestlers. Drew throws down the gauntlet and here’s the BDC to answer. King thinks they’re rising like a yeast infection and MVP accepts the challenge. Drew counts down from three to one and the brawl is on in the aisle as we go to a break. Drake and Micah are just warm bodies but they were fine here.

Rising vs. Beat Down Clan

This would be the second match made by the wrestlers in the first hour. King grabs a headlock on Drake to start but gets caught in a powerslam. It’s quickly off to Micah vs. MVP with the BDC taking over and stomping away in the corner. MVP comes back in and puts on a chinlock before kicking Micah in the face for two. Micah scores with a Samoan drop and Drew gets the hot tag to clean house. Everything breaks down with the Rising clearing the ring, leaving Micah to dive onto all three of them. Drew and Drake pose but a masked man in BDC gear sneaks in with what looked like a pipe for the DQ at 6:52.

Rating: D+. This match was watchable but I’m really not seeing why I should care. Rising is a bunch of newcomers and Drew stands out, but I’m not really sure why these teams need to fight. The BDC hasn’t actually won anything other than the X Title once or twice. Do we really need a stable to fight against them?

The masked man is Homicide. Oh…..great.

Angle says he’s ready to prove himself again when Eric Young jumps him. After a break, Angle insists he’s fighting tonight.

DJZ vs. Davey Richards

Feeling out process to start with both guys flying around a bit until Davey dropkicks him out to the floor. Davey kicks him in the face from the apron but DJZ comes back with some shots of his own back inside. That’s fine with Davey as he wins a slugout and sends DJZ to the floor for a suicide dive. Back in again and a running kick gets two for Davey but he misses the top rope stomp. Instead he throws DJZ up in the air for the kick to the chest, setting up a spinning kick to the head (Creeping Death) for the pin at 5:32.

Rating: C. Well that happened. I guess they’re setting up the tag tournament next week but it was announced as the X-Division match of the night. The match was entertaining enough but having matches for the sake of having a match isn’t the best way to get my interest up. Still though, watchable.

Homicide says the BDC is familia. MVP says they’re the Beat Down Clan and they do what they do because they can. I’ve heard worse catchphrases.

We see some girls playing with dolls. The Dollhouse is coming soon. The girls appeared to be Marti Belle and Mia Yim.

Here are the Hardys to celebrate beating James Storm last week. Next on their list is winning the Tag Team Champions for the first time in TNA. This brings out Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to remind us that Ethan is undefeated for nineteen months, but somehow he hasn’t gotten his title shot. He’s entering the tournament to get a Tag Team Title, but he needs a partner. He wants someone who can hurt people and that man is…..Bram. Now that’s interesting. Bram comes out and says he hates everyone, but he’ll team up with Carter because he hates him the least.

This brings out Anderson, who asks if Carter just said he and Bram are the odds on favorites. Carter: “Yup.” Anderson: “Huh?” “Yeah.” “Huh?” “I do.” “Huh?” “Indeed.” This goes on for about ten more seconds because Carter is rather entertaining on the mic. Anderson’s partner is Spud and they have a quick argument over Spud grabbing Anderson’s microphone. The two of them head to the ring but Austin Aries comes out, talks about loving gold, and announces Roode as his partner.

A preview for next week shows that we have four qualifying matches and the winners going to an Ultimate X match for the Tag Team Titles. It also shows the four teams in the Ultimate X match because these previews aren’t thought out in advance.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Eric Young vs. Lashley

Angle is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Young hides on the floor to start and lets the suplex machines fight, but they quickly get together and beat Young back and forth. Lashley plays Bret on a Hart Attack and Young gets beaten up on the floor as we take a break. Back with Angle busting out the suplexes on both guys and clotheslining Lashley to the floor. Kurt ducks his head and eats a piledriver but Lashley makes the save and throws Eric outside.

The running powerslam gets two on the champ and a big spear gets the same with Young making the save. Lashley tweaks his ankle on a leapfrog but is still able to low bridge Eric to the floor due to Eric sucking so much. Both challengers get rolling Germans but Young breaks up the ankle lock (it lasts about 20 seconds, which Josh timed as three minutes) and puts Lashley in the Figure Four. Lashley makes the rope so Eric wedges a chair in the corner, only to get caught in the delayed vertical. The spear hits the chair though and Angle Slams both guys, setting up the moonsault onto Lashley’s bad leg for the pin at 13:43.

Rating: B-. So now we get Angle vs. Young because Young will be CRAZY while saying he never got beat right? You know, because we absolutely, totally and completely need Eric Young in our lives and main events. He’s been around for years you know. The match was decent enough, as long as Young was kept reined in.

Post match Angle leaves so Young goes after Bobby’s leg with the chair and puts on another figure four.

Overall Rating: C+. Decent enough show that set up the tournament next week, but the wrestling outside of the main event was only so good. The stories don’t have the same heat they did a few weeks back, but at least we’ve still got enough good stuff to keep things going. I would however appreciate a top heel instead of a bunch of mid level ones running around. Angle seems to be a transitional champion and that’s the right kind of reign for him at the moment, hopefully with Carter rising up to the top spot soon enough.

Results

Awesome Kong b. Gail Kim – Awesome Bomb

Khoya b. Abyss and Manik – Sky High to Manik

Rising b. Beat Down Clan via DQ when Homicide interfered

Davey Richards b. DJZ – Creeping Death

Kurt Angle b. Lashley and Eric Young – Moonsault to Lashley

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: October 28, 1999
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 5,091
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

The company has been turned upside down in the last week and a half as suddenly there’s a World Title tournament for the vacant belt, wrestling doesn’t matter, and the Filthy Animals are ALL OVER THE PLACE. Now to be fair that means Torrie on TV a lot more so maybe this isn’t all bad. Heaven help us with whatever Thunder is going to become. Let’s get to it.

Opening montage.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Evan Karagias

This is a rematch from when Bret interrupted their match on Nitro a few weeks back. Evan misses an early dropkick and gets headscissored down but Juvy stops to pose. He spends too long though and gets sent into the buckle so Evan can hammer away in the corner. A spinwheel kick drops Evan but he reverses a suplex into one of his own. They’re starting to pick things up a bit. Juvy nails a dropkick and a headbutt before yelling at the fans…..and here’s Sid so never mind.

Sid actually doesn’t destroy them and lets Juvy leave. He says he’s undefeated and has proof that Goldberg didn’t beat him. Sid throws out an open challenge to anyone in the back and Juvy comes back in to sit on the ropes. Thankfully that’s just a red herring as Benoit comes out to accept the challenge. Sid promises to cripple Benoit tonight and chokeslam the cruiserweights to restore our faith in him.

The announcers chatter about Benoit.

The Maestro is in the back and talks about being the star of the show. This character is as much of a disaster as Berlyn.

Chavo Guerrero is looking for Goldberg because he wants TV time.

Prince Iaukea vs. The Maestro

Good grief end this show already. Iaukea dropkicks Maestro as he turns around so Maestro points a finger at him. THE DEVASTATION! We get into some basic stuff with both guys trading wristlocks until Maestro slugs him into the corner. A whip sends Prince across the ring and Maestro follows him up with even more punches. Prince chops and backdrops for two but eats a knee lift and gets caught in an STF (the Encore) for the submission. Short, bad and the Maestro vs. Prince Iaukea. I think that sums the whole thing up.

Quick recap of the Revolution vs. the Filthy Animals with Torrie being kidnapped on Monday.

Perry Saturn/Dean Malenko vs. Silver King/El Dandy

Shane says Asya is keeping Torrie wherever the Revolution wants her. Malenko threatens to break Benoit’s legs on Monday in their tournament match. The Revolution throws their victims to the floor but Silver King comes back in for something like a running DDT to Saturn. Dandy comes in for a double drop toehold and a double kick to the chest to keep Saturn in trouble.

Back to King but Dean offers a distraction and Saturn kicks Silver in the face. It’s off to Dean for a basement dropkick and a lot of spitting, setting up Saturn’s top rope knee. The Revolution takes King outside for some choking before a suplex/high cross body combo gets two. King gets in a few shots for the tag to Dandy for a missile dropkick to Dean. A plancha takes Saturn down as well (barely touching him but the dive looked good) but Dean nails Dandy with a chair, setting up the Cloverleaf for the win.

Rating: D+. Another squash here and a bit better performance from the luchadors than I was expecting. That being said, we’re two days into the Revolution vs. Animals feud and I’m already sick of both teams. Neither is likeable in the slightest and the Revolution has gone completely against their original idea. This was acceptable but at least it didn’t involve the Animals.

Chavo searches for Goldberg.

Long recap of Nitro. This felt like filler.

Harlem Heat is ready for Curly Bill tonight but Chavo interrupts to talk about looking for Goldberg.

The Revolution gets in a car.

Curly Bill says there are no problems in the Rednecks and he needs to go back and tend to the moose on his ranch. Gene doesn’t think ranches have moose and Curly goes off on him about being the real cowboy here. Ok that wasn’t bad.

Stevie Ray vs. Curly Bill

Oh…..joy. Stevie jumps him at the bell and stomps away in the corner as Booker is on commentary, talking about facing Jeff Jarrett in the tournament. Stevie misses a middle rope elbow but no sells Curly’s shoulders and kicks him in the face. They head outside with Curly going face first onto the announcers’ table (Booker: “ARE YOU OK?”, followed by a right hand to the face). Back in and Stevie gets two off a side slam but the referee gets bumped. Dear goodness enough with that nonsense. Curly hits him with the boot but Booker comes in for a hard Harlem side kick, setting up the Slap Jack for the pin.

Rating: D-. This ref bump stuff has to stop. There’s one on almost every show now and they’re not even in the main events. This was a three and a half minute squash but the squasher needed a ref bump to win. That doesn’t make sense and misses the entire point of basic wrestling booking.

Konnan/Kidman/Eddie Guerrero vs. Steven Regal/Chris Adams/Dave Taylor

Before the match, all of the Animals talk about wanting to do various things to the Revolution, including playing them like marks. Rey jumps in on the announcers’ table to talk about the Revolution. Taylor goes right after Eddie to start and avoids an early dropkick before taking Eddie down with European uppercuts and a basement dropkick of his own.

Off to Adams, who gets caught by a rolling clothesline from a crotch grabbing (his own at least) Konnan. As Rey tries to get money out of Zbyzsko, Konnan jumps over Adams in the corner but eats a European uppercut from Regal. Off to Kidman who sends Regal into the ropes, nearly knocking Adams off by mistake. Kidman throws Regal down but charges into a hot shot to change control again.

The Brits start stomping away until Kidman blocks a powerbomb. Konnan, ever adherent to the rules, comes in to nail Adams without tagging. Kidman charges into Regal’s elbow in the corner and it’s off to Adams, who goes up and tries…..something resembling a Superman Punch but crashes down. The hot tag brings in Guerrero to clean house as everything breaks down. Eddie hits a quick suplex on Taylor and a big frog splash is enough for the pin.

Rating: C. Not the worst match in the world, Filthy Animals annoyance aside. They’re just unlikeable people who ramble on with lingo that ranges from sounding stupid to making no sense while seemingly want to rape every member of the Revolution. Somehow, one of the most likeable wrestlers of all time in Rey Mysterio is associated with this group and WCW seems to think the fans will find them to be the good guys.

Oh and the Filthy Animals steal the losers’ robes for good measure.

Chavo is on the phone, saying he’s going to get himself over since Goldberg isn’t here to do it for him. Wrestlers using this lingo today would appeal to an extremely niche audience. In 1999, this might as well be Martian.

Berlyn speaks English to say that his master plan is in effect and we will all serve him one day. His plan is to lose to Brad Armstrong?

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Lash Leroux

Lash says he’s going to win the tournament and be the younger World Champion ever. I think Giant still has his beat even if he wins. Chavo comes out and reminds us that he’s looking for Goldberg for no apparent reason. Lash goes right after him to start and does his splits but misses a clothesline, allowing Chavo to hook a headscissors.

A belly to back gets two for Chavo and he slugs away in the corner. Lash jawbreaks out of a chinlock and gets two of his own off a suplex. That goes nowhere so Chavo takes him into the corner for a stomping but gets forearmed in the head, setting up a chinlock. We get a very sudden BORING chant which almost feels piped in.

I would ask why a company would do that, but this is one of the least stupid things WCW has done in recent weeks. More really basic stuff changes control a few times until Chavo gets a positive reaction and a near fall off a dropkick. Guerrero scores with a clothesline and some chops in the corner, only to get caught in Whiplash for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. So Chavo wants to find Goldberg, gets cheered by the fans and then loses to Lash Leroux. Somehow they’ve managed to fit that much plot into about 75 minutes after Chavo having almost nothing to do for weeks. If they could find a happy middle ground, I’d be curious to see where some of these ideas went. As it is, I barely remember them by the end of the show because of how fast they come and go.

Kidman records Buff Bagwell and Scotty Riggs talking about the finish of a match. I think I know where this is going and I can feel the headache coming.

Ernest Miller, flanked by three women, gets out of a white limo. So he’s the Godfather now? I’ve heard worse ideas.

Berlyn vs. Jerry Flynn

Just cut the cord already. During the entrances, we hear that WCW is filming a movie in Los Angeles. My goodness it’s Ready to Rumble time isn’t it? Berlyn goes right at him and hits a kind of floatover DDT before cranking on a wristlock. Shouldn’t that be the other way around? They trade kicks before Berlyn sends him into the ropes for a kick to the face, a nipup and another dropkick for the best looking sequence he’s done in years.

More kicks to Jerry set up a belly to back but Flynn avoids a charge against the ropes. Jerry fires off his usual array of strikes but throws in some right hands to show his versatility. The Bodyguard intercepts Jimmy Hart (who is the face here anyway?) and nails Flynn for missing a charge, giving Berlyn an easy victory.

Rating: D. He’s evil, German and apparently athletic when he wants to be. This character is dead in the water though and they need to find something else for him to do. That’s one area where Russo truly was excellent: finding a new character for someone. The words “creative has nothing for you” do not exist on his watch. The gimmick might be insane and ridiculous, but he would have something.

Chavo is still looking for Goldberg but finds Sid instead. “YOU WANT TV TIME?” A chokeslam leaves Chavo on a cart, end scene.

Here’s Ernest Miller with the three good looking women. After telling the rednecks to sit down, he informs us that he’ll be in the tournament on Monday against doctor’s orders. THIS warranted coming to the ring and talking?

Benoit thinks Sid is running his mouth too much. I’d say it’s more that he’s wrestling too much but that’s just me. Benoit isn’t done with Malenko either.

Scotty Riggs vs. Buff Bagwell

Some things never change. We recap Buff’s kayfabe murdering story about not wanting to job ever again because he doesn’t care for the Powers That Be. This would be the REAL part in the middle of all the fake stuff you’re seeing. I have no idea if Bagwell is a face or a heel here and I think that’s the point. Riggs doesn’t have the mirror anymore. They trade full nelsons to start until Buff breaks out and just stands in the corner.

Tenay promises us eight more tournament matches on Monday. Be still my beating heart. Riggs gets taken down in a headlock but walks into a dropkick to send him into the ropes for more staring. Some leg work keeps Bagwell down and a high cross body gets two. Riggs looks stunned because, I kid you not, that was supposed to be the finish. The referee yells at Bagwell but he small packages Riggs for the pin with the referee slowly counting it. Bagwell’s music doesn’t play and THAT WAS A SHOOT. BECAUSE FANS KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

Rating: F. “Come see Buff Bagwell! He’s bored and not trying because he doesn’t agree to our scripted finishes! By paying us your money, you’ll get to see him stand around and not care and barely put any effort into his matches!” Vince Russo was paid to think of this idea and then asked you to pay money to watch it play out on pay per view. Russo somehow convinced people he was a genius by doing this. Maybe he’s smarter than we all are and we just can’t keep up with him.

Mayhem ad.

Chris Benoit vs. Sid Vicious

Please….be gentle? Sid shoves him around to start and fires off some kicks to the ribs (Daniel Bryan has nothing to worry about) followed by a right hand to the jaw. Benoit comes back with strikes of his own and a middle rope dropkick for two but the kickout sends him flying out to the floor. Back in and Benoit flashes back to Fall Brawl by going after the leg. Why he thinks Sid will sell now is anyone’s guess.

A few cannonballs down onto the leg look to set up the Figure Four but Sid kicks him right back to the floor. This time the big man follows him out and drops Benoit across the barricade before taking him back in for choking, choking, forearms to the chest and more choking.

Benoit’s comeback is stopped cold by a big boot and we hit the camel clutch so Sid can rest after his hard day in the ring. A few slams get two each on Benoit but he pops up and grabs a German suplex. The Swan Dive misses but Sid is too spent to follow up, allowing Benoit to slap on the Crossface. You know Sid isn’t tapping though so here are Saturn and Malenko for the DQ.

Rating: D+. So to clarity, Benoit is now the guy that puts up a good fight against the bigger names but is never allowed to be on their level. Thanks for wasting our time with the Bret tribute match and the US Title reigns, because it’s pretty clear that none of it means anything just a few weeks later.

Sid powerbombs everyone to make it clear that no one is on his level. The Filthy Animals run out to beat up the pieces of the Revolution to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Nitro was more entertaining than this. Thunder continues to be almost nothing beyond average and makes us sit through a ref bump in a Curly Bill vs. Stevie Ray match. The wrestling is bad, the stories range from nonsensical to previews for a Nitro way too complicated to keep track of. Yet somehow, I’d take this over the recent episodes. At least this is so insane that it’s fascinating to watch in a way while the recent ones were a way to cure my sleepless nights.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 20, 2015
Location: Wembley Arena, London, England
Attendance: 4,500
Commentators: Taz, Josh Matthews

This is the last show of the European tour and they have a big main event to cap things off: Lashley defending the World Title against Kurt Angle. This is a match they’ve built up very well in the last few weeks and it feels like a match worthy of closing things out. There’s also a triple threat Ultimate X match for the Tag Team Titles, but that’s not important enough to advertise on TV. Let’s get to it.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. BroMans vs. Manik/Great Sanada

Ultimate X, meaning the titles are hung above the ring where they’re suspended from two ropes in the shape of an X. You have to climb up the structures at the corners of the ring and crawl along the ropes to retrieve the titles. The Wolves are defending and it’s DJZ and Jesse Godderz this time due to Robbie being shaken up by losing to Brooke last week. The champs get quadruple teamed to start but they easily fight off the schmucks and lackeys to clean house.

Jesse gets beaten down by the champs but Angelina offers a distraction to break up a double dive. That’s fine with the Wolves as they throw DJZ over the top onto the Revolution. Nice way to get the best of both worlds, if you consider Angelina the best that is. The challengers finally get things together and beat Edwards and Richards down until Jesse holds Richards long enough to nearly allow Manik to get the belts. Instead he dropkicks Manik down, followed by a double backbreaker for good measure.

The BroMans try to get the belts without climbing and actually get their fingers on them, but the Revolution comes in to turn it into a game of chicken. That brings the Wolves back in for stereo dropkicks and all six guys are down. Richards powerbombs Manik into a Backstabber for a save and DJZ gets shoved into the truss. Jesse gets some mist to the face but Edwards crotches Sanada. A hurricanrana into the double stomp from Edwards has Sanada out of it, leaving the Wolves to take down the belts to retain at 9:23.

Rating: B-. This felt like a really good house show match: they didn’t do much besides the big stuff and the titles were never in any real danger, but it’s entertaining stuff and the crowd got into it. They weren’t going for some masterpiece here and it would have been a stretch for the Wolves to have a major problem dispatching either team. Good stuff here and exactly what it was supposed to be.

The announcers preview the main event.

Here’s Austin Aries with something to say. He hasn’t been around the last few weeks and it’s because of the Beat Down Clan. They beat him up and stole his briefcase, so get out here right now and give it back. Cue Samoa Joe and Low Ki with the briefcase with Low Ki saying possession is 9/10 of the law, so Aries can’t play his games right now.

Aries has two points: Low Ki isn’t Austin Aries because he doesn’t cash in that briefcase. Second, Low Ki isn’t Austin Aries because that briefcase doesn’t have his name on it. Aries wants his X-Division Title back too and is willing to put his briefcase up for a shot at it. Ki agrees, but only if Aries can get through Joe. Joe nails Aries and we go to a break.

Samoa Joe vs. Austin Aries

Joined in progress after a break with Aries in big trouble. His comeback is easily broken up as Joe gets in a shot to the shoulder and throws Aries to the floor. The arm gets sent into the steps before an overhead belly to belly gets two back inside. We hit the chinlock followed by a nerve hold as things slow way down. The backsplash misses though and Aries fires off some left hands in the corner. Joe is too big for the brainbuster though and he takes Aries down for a Fujiwara armbar on the bad arm. Aries makes the rope and sends Joe outside, setting up a big suicide dive, only to have Low Ki nail Aries for the DQ at 6:55.

Rating: C. This was just a match to set up the angle but it still worked well enough. Aries is able to have a good match with almost anyone in the company and I like that Low Ki seemed scared to go after the briefcase but trusted in his numbers advantage to take Aries down. Nice stuff here.

The BDC goes after Aries but Low Ki nails Joe in the head with the briefcase (great shot too) to knock him cold. Aries forearms the briefcase into Ki’s head and leaves with the belt. Cue Rockstar Spud with his X-Division Feast or Fired case and it’s time for a cash in!

X-Division Title: Rockstar Spud vs. Low Ki

Underdog gives Spud the title in seven seconds. Spud deserves something for all the work he’s done lately.

Magnus is beating Bram up in the back and throws him onto a cart. They come into the arena with Bram being knocked down the aisle. Magnus erupts on him with a chair but referees pulls him off. Mickie James comes out and kicks Bram in the ribs. That’s enough of an opening for Magnus to take Bram up to the stage for a powerbomb to leave Bram laying.

The roster is looking forward to the main event. MVP says they’re fighting for his title.

Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell vs. Gail Kim

Terrell is defending. The early double teaming of Kong gets her down but she sends Gail into Taryn to take over. Kong lifts Taryn up for a slam but Gail dropkicks Terrell in the back. That doesn’t phase Kong and she drops Taryn on Gail in a cool spot. Taryn gets clotheslined out of the air but Gail counters the Implant Buster.

More double teaming fails and Gail is knocked to the floor. A middle rope dropkick staggers Kong but she shoves off the Taryn Cutter. There go the gloves but she misses the splash, allowing Taryn to hit the second attempt at the cutter for two. Instead a dropkick sends Kong to the floor where Gail nails her with a huge dive. Back in and Gail sunset bombs Taryn for two but gets rolled up for the pin to retain Taryn’s title at 6:16.

Rating: B-. I’d love to see the Divas get a chance to do something like this. Seeing the Knockouts and NXT Girls having matches like this one make me wonder why the Divas aren’t given the chance to pull off something similar. The time helped here but the whole thing wasn’t even seven minutes long, meaning it doesn’t even take a long time to put together a classic.

James Storm flips a coin to determine what happens to Matt Hardy. The decision is to cause him severe pain.

Video on Angle vs. Lashley with a theme of surviving changes in life.

Angle says he’s ready.

James Storm vs. Matt Hardy

No DQ. The brawl starts in the aisle again with Matt getting the better of it and throwing a bunch of chairs into the ring. Storm comes back by wedging a chair in the corner before they trade trashcan shots to the head. Matt gets crotched on the top and kicked in the head, setting up a superplex onto two open chairs for two. Abyss throws in some tacks but Matt knocks James’ back first onto them, followed by a top rope elbow for two.

The Twist of Fate connects but Abyss pulls the referee out at two. The rest of the Revolution gets involved but are easily dispatched, only to have Storm send him into the chair in the corner for a close two. Another Twist of Fate drops Storm but Matt can’t cover. Instead Abyss hands Storm the bell as Sanada mists Matt. A cowbell to the back of the head and two Last Calls are good for the pin at 6:48.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this one as it felt like they were cramming way too much stuff into this. I’m not even sure why the Revolution is going after the Hardys but it’s better than them having nothing to do and just wasting time while adding more people to their ranks. This one missed though and it was due to just not letting the match build and going too hard with it.

James says he put Jeff out of wrestling and has the Revolution hold Matt.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending. We get the old school long walks through the back to the ring to really make this feel like a big deal. After the big match intros we’re ready to go with nearly twenty five minutes for this match. The fans are behind Angle but Lashley throws him into the corner with ease. A big clothesline puts Angle down again as it’s all champ so far. Kurt goes back to basics with rolling Germans and sends Lashley to the floor, but the champ takes over again with pure power.

Back in and Lashley pounds him down in the corner before starting in on the arm and shoulder. Kurt fights up and escapes, setting up a middle rope shoulder to drop Lashley. It’s time to roll some Germans and Lashley is in trouble. Kurt lets go but snaps off five more Germans before taking down the straps. The ankle lock is countered and Lashley nails the powerslam for two as we take a break.

Back with Lashley going shoulder first into the post and getting caught in the ankle lock again. Lashley rolls through but charges into a boot, setting up the Angle Slam for two. Now the spear connects for two but Lashley takes way too much time going up, allowing Angle to avoid a splash. This time it’s Kurt going up for a high cross body but Lashley rolls through into an ankle lock of his own. Kurt grabs the rope and hits another Angle Slam only to get caught in a cross armbreaker. That gets turned over into another ankle lock with the grapevine and Lashley taps at 20:18.

Rating: B+. It’s really good but it’s clear that Angle just doesn’t have the same reserves he used to. I’m ok with the title win as it feels more like one last reign for Angle instead of making him the long term top guy again. Angle more than deserves a reign like that and if he puts over a young star (which he likely will), this is fine. Lashley looks good in a loss, but the match didn’t hit the levels of epic they were hoping for. Still though, really good stuff.

Overall Rating: A-. Really solid show this week in TNA’s form of a pay per view. It’s a great way to blow off the UK tour and it felt like a major show. The big deal next week is the return of Jeff Hardy, and it’s going to be interesting to see if they can keep this momentum back in Orlando. History suggests otherwise, but this has been their best run in years. Really good show though and it’s nice to see TNA deliver when they were supposed to.

Results

Wolves b. BroMans and Manik/Great Sanada – Edwards pulled down the belts

Austin Aries b. Samoa Joe via DQ when Low Ki interfered

Rockstar Spud b. Low Ki – Underdog

James Storm b. Matt Hardy – Twist of Fate

Kurt Angle b. Bobby Lashley – Ankle lock

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UYAMB8U

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #211
Date: October 25, 1999
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 9,630
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re finally past Halloween Havoc and as usual with pay per views, a lot has changed. First up would seem to be Goldberg coming out as both United States and World Champion, but only the former is for sure. After Hogan laid down against Sting for no apparent reason, Goldberg beat the champ in an open challenge, which may or may not be for the title. Tonight we should find out what’s going on so let’s get to it.

A paintless Sting is walking through the back (I’m been skipping a lot of these segments as they’re literally just people walking) and shouting for JJ Dillon while throwing things all over the place.

Opening sequence.

Sting heads to the ring and calls out JJ Dillon, because last night he issued a challenge for a fight, not a title match. Dillon comes out and Sting repeats most of what he already said but throws in that he was trying to bail them out of a bad situation with Hogan. Why do I have a bad feeling that’s the extent of Hogan information tonight?. The title was never on the line, so Sting wants his belt back. JJ agrees that the title wasn’t on the line, because WCW never sanctioned that match. Therefore, the title is vacant due to Sting attacking the referee after the match.

Oh come on. That’s some very convenient enforcing of the rules given what half the roster gets away with on a regular basis. Also ignore the fact that it wasn’t even in a match so why should it have any impact on th…..never mind. I’m staying out of the quicksand that is WCW/Russo logic. There’s going to be a 32 man tournament and Sting can be a participant. That earns Dillon a beating until Goldberg comes out for the save.

Here are the brackets.

Bret Hart

Goldberg

Perry Saturn

Eddie Guerrero

Norman Smiley

Bam Bam Bigelow

Kidman

Konnan

Total Package

Rick Steiner

Diamond Dallas Page

David Flair

???

Madusa

Brian Knobs

Sting

I’m sure we’ll see the other half later, because I’m sure it’s completely prepared at this point. Also Madusa is now a man? JJ specifically said 32 MAN tournament.

The Outsiders are here with a cooler but Mike Graham comes up and tells them they have to wrestle tonight. Nash’s retirement isn’t addressed because that’s in the old regime or something.

Norman Smiley says last night’s match was amusing and thinks Bigelow is tough. Oh and he likes to dance. If Russo being in charge means more short interviews for people who don’t often get TV time, maybe he’s not all bad.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Norman Smiley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Norman is terrified so Bigelow decides this is going to be a hardcore match. Bigelow throws in weapons as Norman hides behind the referee, only to get hit in the head with a broom. He puts the trashcan on Norman’s head but Norman kind of headbutts him and falls with a low blow ala Sting. It’s time to dance before Norman quickly covers Bigelow for the pin. This was a mess and didn’t even break ninety seconds.

Hall and Nash are in the back and Nash says he can’t work. Hall says he can’t comment until the top of the hour. He won’t listen to Mike Graham either.

Recap of the Filthy Animals vs. Ric Flair.

Here are the Filthy Animals with Torrie sporting a shiny silver outfit that Kidman really seems to enjoy. Eddie talks about how WCW will never be able to break the team up. Now Ric Flair has been coming after them, so look at this tape to see what happened. The video show Ric being dragged away to what looks like the desert and being buried in sand. Egads this is really happening.

Kidman says Flair is done and Harlem Heat is next. Mysterio cuts him off from swearing and gives the mic to Konnan for some bad catchphrases, one of which involves the Filthy Animals being in heat. Cue Malenko and Saturn to destroy the Animals, but Torrie runs off, only to get caught by Shane Douglas and Asya. Well they tried to murder Flair so I’m not sure I can sympathize with them when one of their members is kidnapped.

Curt Hennig doesn’t like the Powers that Be and if he gets pinned he’s fired. Why you ask? The better question is why would you ask “why you ask?” You should know by now that you’re never getting a clear answer to most of the logical questions this show brings up.

The Outsiders drink coffee, potentially to sober Hall up.

Curt Hennig vs. Lash Leroux

If Hennig gets pinned he’s fired. Hennig hammers away in the corner to start and hiptosses Lash across the ring for two. Disco Inferno comes out to praise Lash on commentary but gets interrupted by Curt ramming Lash into the table. They head back inside with Hennig getting two off a knee lift as this is a total squash so far, meaning you can expect a swerve soon. Lash comes back with some right hands and dropkicks before loading up Whiplash, only to have Hennig hit the referee for the DQ. Well he didn’t get pinned.

Hennig lays out Lash and Disco with a chair.

The Filthy Animals are looking for Torrie.

A limping Bret Hart arrives.

Here are the Nitro Girls for the Nitro Girls search stuff but Jeff Jarrett comes out to interrupt. Jeff threatens to stroke each one of them and says this tournament is a big work. See, he’s the next champion and if Luger disagrees, he can take the Lex Express out of town. Amazingly enough, no one responds to the five year old reference. Oh and he didn’t hit Elizabeth last week. Their big plan to get Jarrett over as a heel is to break up the Nitro Girls stuff? He’ll be out popping Goldberg in two weeks at this rate.

Sid says the war with Goldberg is far from over.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Perry Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero

Saturn threatens to make Torrie disappear if the Animals interfere. The Animals leave but Eddie jumps him from behind for the early advantage. He goes after the leg as the fans are entirely behind him, because I guess they see kidnapping Torrie as a good thing. Guerrero uses his wrist tape to tie the leg to the ropes for some hard kicks but Saturn quickly rips it off.

A hot shot and gutbuster change control though and Saturn cranks on an abdominal stretch. Eddie’s ribs are draped over the top rope before they head outside with Saturn whipping him into the barricade. They’re flying through this as you can almost feel the shenanigans coming. Cue David Flair with a crowbar to nail Eddie in the ribs, setting up the Rings of Saturn to give Saturn the win.

Rating: C. That’s the match of the night isn’t it? At the end of the day, you need more than four minutes to get anything special going and even guys like Saturn and Guerrero can only only do so much. The David Flair stuff makes sense as he would be upset at Torrie and doesn’t want her to be rescued, but it’s another case of throwing so much into one show that you can’t process it all.

Saturn runs from the invading Animals.

Hall and Nash don’t want to fight so they come up with ways of shutting down the show. Nash’s best idea: strip in the ring.

The Revolution has Torrie held hostage in a secret location. Does anyone ever think of just flagging down the cameraman and asking where they just came from? Malenko walks out of the room but Benoit jumps him behind and lays wastes to him, clearly swearing without being censored.

Here are the Outsiders, potentially for stripping. Hall does the Survey and says they’ve been partying in Vegas, but had to come here for the real party. Nash says no one is going to tell them what to do, but Goldberg pops up to threaten them with violence later in the night. The Outsiders jumped Goldberg before the Sid match last night so we have Goldberg’s next feud. We don’t have an explanation for Nash’s retirement before forgotten but you can’t have everything. Or anything around here these days actually.

Here are Randy Savage and Gorgeous George, clad in sparkly red attire because it makes George look good and Savage look…..well like Savage actually. Savage says it’s been awhile but Russo and the rest of the vultures in the back aren’t going to see him hang himself on live TV. However, George is right when she says he’s well hung.

You can’t kill off the Macho Man like you did Hogan and Flair. The yellow and red and Space Mountain have played themselves out but Savage is still legit. It’s time that he passes the torch to the next superstar to win World Titles, set ratings records and be even better than he was. I don’t think he would be seen for another six months.

The Animals find the Revolution’s dressing room (hint: it was labeled REVOLUTION) but there’s no Torrie.

The Revolution tries to get Malenko to chill.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Madusa vs. ???

And it’s Meng. I’m assuming there’s a joke here that I’m not smart enough to get. Madusa fires off punches and kicks which are sold as well as an air conditioner at the North Pole. Meng goes after her but stops to look at her chest, earning him an eye poke. So this is a comedy match? Some choking and a missile dropkick have no effect on Meng so she jumps on his back, gets flipped over and the Tongan Death Grip is good for the win.

Evan Karagias of all people comes out to check on Madusa, but Dean Malenko comes out to challenge Benoit to a last man standing match tonight. There’s no connection between Malenko and Karagias. Russo just doesn’t know what it means to wait a second.

Nash is taping up.

Curt Hennig and Brad Armstrong are backstage. Brad has been told to leave until he finds a personality and the Powers that Be suggest he call his little brother. I’m getting a headache and we’re not even halfway done with this mess.

Bret has his leg looked at.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Total Package vs. Rick Steiner

Please keep up the short trend here. We get the full monty of WCW’s bad production here as Tony asks for stills of Bret vs. Lex, has to stall for about 45 seconds before they come up, has to ignore Rick Steiner’s music starting and stopping during the stills, and then we miss the opening of the match because of Benoit vs. Steiner stills. I mean dude, even TNA has their stuff together better than this.

Luger hammers on him to start with his usual array of kicks and forearms as Jarrett comes out to do commentary. Steiner fights back and sends Luger into the buckle as Jeff talks about how he didn’t attack Liz last week because he isn’t that kind of a man. Tony brings up the WWF but Jeff says these are different days. Jeff goes after Liz but Luger makes a save, only to have Jarrett’s guitar shot hit Steiner by mistake. Liz freaks out so Luger checks on her, only to drop her so he can beat the ten count back in to win another short (sweet) match. This would be about three weeks’ worth of story crammed into a few minutes.

Liz isn’t happy.

Konnan threatens to hurt the Revolution if they harm Torrie and also speaks on cheese.

Benoit tapes his hands.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Konnan vs. Kidman

Time for a stable battle. Konnan takes over quickly and snapmares Kidman down, setting up a basement dropkick. That’s not cool with Kidman and they slug it out until Konnan hits the rolling clothesline. The X Factor is countered with a BK Bomb for two but the referee is bumped, as per Russo requirement. Cue Harlem Heat to lay out both guys with finishers, though Stevie doesn’t actually go off his feet on the Slap Jack. Mysterio and Guerrero try to make a save but Kidman rolls over onto Konnan to advance. This looked like a back door out of having partners fight, but more than likely Russo had no idea what he booked.

Eddie has to calm Konnan and Kidman down post match. Konnan agrees and wants a Tag Team Title shot tonight against “these two mark punk busters.”

The Outsiders are wondering who they’ll be facing in their big, and I’m sure totally serious, match. Maybe the Bushwhackers or the Kangaroos?

Quick look back at Bagwell being annoyed at having to job last week. Seriously, that appears to be the story they’re going with.

Here’s Bagwell for a chat. He’s going to start breaking all the rules and doesn’t care about all the sacred things in this business. Last week was the last time he’ll do a job (oh here we go) for the two idiots in the back writing this nonsense. Cue the Harris Brothers in the soon to be named Creative Control gimmick to beat Bagwell down. This would be the worked part after the real stuff you heard from Buff. There are a lot of problems with this, but if you don’t know what a job is in wrestling terms, doesn’t it sound like Bagwell just quit?

Dean Malenko vs. Chris Benoit

Last man standing for reasons that aren’t really explained and both guys are in street clothes. They slug it out to start and tumble out to the floor with Benoit being sent into the barricade over and over. That goes nowhere so they get back inside, only to have Benoit crotch Malenko against the post. That’s not something Benoit would normally do.

Chris chops away in the corner before a belly to back suplex sends Malenko down. They’re both up at six so Benoit rolls some Germans, only to get kicked low. Dean tosses him over the top and out to the floor for more whips into the barricade. Back in and Benoit suplexes him down again for a short count before a double clothesline puts both guys down but only Benoit beats the count.

Rating: C-. This is Vince Russo in a nutshell: a last man standing match announced with maybe half an hour notice that gets seven minutes and ends with a clothesline because we need to get on to all the other AMAZING things he has planned for us, like three minute nothing matches. How did adding a gimmick to this match help? Benoit and Malenko can have a good match with each other in their sleep but they have to add in a last man standing gimmick for the sake of adding one in, thereby making it look like a less important gimmick going forward. Well done in just seven minutes.

Post match the Filthy Animals come out but Douglas (with his arm in a cast) and Saturn show up on stage with Asya holding Torrie. Shane babbles about hurting Torrie and Dean is allowed to leave. The Animals chase after him and get to the parking lot where both groups speed away. I guess this is action adventure or something? Also, no explanation for why Malenko did what he did last night. I’m not expecting any reason after this point.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Sting vs. Brian Knobs

Two ball bat shots to the chest for the pin in thirteen seconds. Yeah that’s going to keep Sting a heel. To recap, the brackets said Sting vs. Knobbs, Tony said Sting vs. Morrus, Sting actually fought Knobbs. Conclusion: Tony Schiavone is incompetent.

The Outsiders talk strategy for later.

Bret Hart has a hairline fracture but is going to fight Goldberg anyway.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Konnan

Harlem Heat is defending. Stevie hammers Konnan down to start and stomps Kidman on the apron. All hail King Stevie. More pounding ensues until Konnan clotheslines both champs down for a breather. Off to Kidman but he eats a clothesline as well to give Stevie control again. It’s quickly back to Konnan with Booker taking over with right hands and a side slam. The champs start double teaming Konnan as I guess they’re heels tonight, despite the fans being all over the Animals earlier in the night.

Stevie knees him down and cranks on an armbar. Back to Booker who misses the ax kick, allowing the hot tag to Kidman. A quick Dudley Dog staggers Booker but Stevie comes back in to set up a Hart Attack with a Harlem Side Kick instead of a clothesline. Konnan gets back up and goes after Booker, allowing Kidman to load up another Dudley Dog, only to have Stevie counter with a bridging belly to back suplex, but Kidman raises his shoulder for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Was there any reason to not just give Kidman and Konnan the belts last night? Other than a “shocking” title change that is? The match was nothing to see, again mainly due to time, even though this was one of the longer matches of the night at just over five minutes. Sign of the Russo times: that’s the third title change, not counting the belts being vacated, in eight days.

Goldberg says he’s always been brutal and the match with Sid was just showing that side.

WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Diamond Dallas Page vs. David Flair

Kimberly grabs the mic and starts up the catchphrases in that great acting voice of hers. Page wants Flair out of the ring and grabs him by the neck before kissing him on the cheek. He makes the mistake of turning his back on the crazy man though, allowing David to get in some crowbar shots. Kimberly gets in to call David off and he leaves as Page is looked at by medics. No match.

Outsiders vs. ???

The Outsiders are in street clothes. Cue the Harris Brothers…..who step aside so a bunch of adult chicks can come out, one of which appears to be smuggling basketballs in her shirt. The bell rings and my goodness they’re actually doing this. Tony: “The Powers that Be are looking for ratings and they’re going to get them!”

Hall starts with the blonde but doesn’t know where to put his hands. She headlocks him into her chest and this is dying before my eyes. More “comedy” ensues and Hall does the Flair Flop, earning him a spank. The fans clap for the hot tag and Nash is all fired up for the other blonde. He gets the laughably enhanced brunette but both Outsiders lay down for a double pin. You think I’m rating this?

Goldberg comes out to clean house before the brunette can take her top off.

US Title/WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Goldberg vs. Bret Hart

This is for Goldberg’s US Title for no apparent reason. Bret limps down to the ring because of the leg injury over the last few weeks. Goldberg takes him into the corner and gives a clean break. Instead it’s the gorilla press into a powerslam to plant Bret but Goldberg doesn’t want to follow up.

A leg lock has Bret in trouble but he’s right next to the ropes. Bret gets dropped again as this is coming off like an angle instead of a match. Goldberg stomps away in the corner and pulls Bret out by the leg. Another leg lock makes Bret scream so Goldberg lets go and demands that the referee stop it. Bret says keep going so Goldberg throws him back to the mat.

Goldberg charges into the good foot in the corner and Bret puts on a sleeper. That goes as well as you would expect with Goldberg throwing Bret onto the referee. Hart is thrown outside so cue the Outsiders and Sid (in his gear due to reasons of insanity) to lay Goldberg out. Somehow the referee looks at this and doesn’t call for a DQ, allowing Bret to crawl back inside for the pin, even though Goldberg was sitting up when Hart got back in.

Rating: D+. This was kind of a mess but not as bad as it could have been, again due to having more time (nearly EIGHT minutes!). However, it does make the events of last night seem like a big waste of time. Was there any reason to have Luger make Bret give up if Bret is winning the US Title here? Or to have Goldberg win two titles in one night and then lose both twenty four hours later? What a mess, but this was one of the less messy messes of the night. Also, this is another potential Starrcade main event thrown away for free on TV. Yeah there would be a rematch, but this wasn’t really making me want to see them again.

Here are the updated brackets for the first half of the tournament.

Bret Hart

Perry Saturn

Norman Smiley

Kidman

Total Package

Diamond Dallas Page/David Flair (no winner so it’s not clear)

Meng

Sting

What a glorious set of options.

Overall Rating: F. When the best things I can think of on a show are Torrie and Kimberly looking good, you can tell it’s been a waste of three hours. The title matches ranged from a series of quick ways out of having a match to adding angles to matches so Russo can cram every single thing he can think of into the show. It’s been said that Russo wants nothing to do with wrestling and that was never more clear than here.

One thing he does love though is the Filthy Animals, who were all over this show. Their story made sense for the most part, but it’s very clear that the audience is already having problems with who they’re supposed to cheer for. That’s the shades of gray idea that Russo likes to use, which still doesn’t seem to work 90% of the time.

This was a huge mess with WAY too much stuff going on to keep track of anything. I watched this show over the span of about twenty four hours and I’m struggling to remember half of what happened on it. None of the things you see has the chance to stick with you because they have to get on to the next idea. There was a line from HHH when he was on Austin’s podcast that would really serve Russo well: there’s always next week. It’s ok to let something play out on one show and do something next week (or on Thunder to make that show actually mean something for a change).

Here’s the thing: yeah the WWF is pretty lame right now with all the sports entertainment nonsense, at least it made sense and had the charisma to carry things through. This show feels like someone watched Raw and said “I CAN DO THAT!” and got a job running a wrestling comp……oh dear goodness that’s pretty much what happened isn’t it? Maybe this is Russo getting his first ideas out of the way early and it’ll get better later, but for now though, the Russo Era is terrifying.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 6, 2015
Location: Manchester Arena, Manchester, England
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Taz

Coming out of last week, we seem to not have a #1 contender. Lashley successfully defended the title against MVP, though the match featured a lot of interference. Other than that we have the continuing stories of Mr. Anderson/Spud/Mandrews vs. Tyrus/EC3, which has gone from a comedy feud to one of the more entertaining feuds in the company. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s main event with the Beat Down Clan getting close to taking the World Title from Lashley but Gunner and Drew Galloway made things even enough for Lashley to retain the belt.

Tonight it’s Bobby Roode vs. Kurt Angle vs. Eric Young for the #1 contendership.

Here’s the Beat Down Clan to get things going. Kenny King doesn’t want this Drew Galloway situation to get any further out of control. Drew is known as the Chosen One, but he choose to interfere in BDC business. I thought he was known as rhythm guitarist for some band with three guys. So now, it’s time for the BDC to choose what part of Drew they’re going to hurt.

MVP says this is Beat Down Clan business that was a year in the making. He arrived just over a year ago to become the World Champion but Drew got in the way. MVP is reasonable though and is willing to let Drew come out here and apologize. Galloway shows up in the crowd and says he’s at home right now. He came to the ring last week to stop MVP from stealing the title. He’s surrounded by wrestling fans, not sports entertainment fans.

Drew is here to give the fans a voice and asks some fans their names. Those are the people the BDC is screwing with and that isn’t going to fly. King says they demand retribution and threatens Galloway’s family if he doesn’t get in the ring tonight. Drew wants King one on one so King agrees to send his brothers to the back.

Drew Galloway vs. Kenny King

Both guys are in street clothes. King enziguris him down and MVP comes in for a few stomps. That’s not a DQ due to reasons not explained but Galloway comes back with knees in the corner and a snap suplex. King bails to the floor but Drew is fine with beating him up outside as well. He drops King over the barricade but King gets in some shots to the ribs to take over. A tilt-a-whirl slam onto the apron has King in even more trouble as this has barely been a match so far.

Back in and King drops him ribs first over the ropes and we hit the chinlock. An overhead belly to belly gets two for Kenny but Drew gets all fired up. He gets two off a top rope clothesline but King breaks up the Future Shock (snap double arm DDT). They need to go home already because this is getting bad. King hits a quick springboard Blockbuster for two more and frustration is setting in. He loads up a backslide of all things but gets countered into the Future Shock to give Galloway the pin at 6:25.

Rating: D. I really wasn’t feeling this one as they were just trading spots for a few minutes with no flow or structure to the match. Galloway is talented in the ring but having a big guy as the hero is always kind of awkward, especially when he’s in there against someone not very big. Not a good debut but at least Galloway won.

The BDC chases Drew off post match.

Here’s Roode to talk about the three way tonight. He promises to take out Young and get the title shot in one match. No one can stand in his way, but here’s Angle to disagree. He comes down to the ring but Eric Young sneaks in to go after Roode. Angle pulls him off and gets in a fight with Young, only to have Roode clear the ring.

Video on Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell for the Knockouts Title later tonight.

James Storm talks to Bram about joining the Revolution and asks him to take out Matt Hardy later tonight. Bram seems intrigued.

Before we go to a break, we get a video on the winner of tonight’s triple threat facing Lashley for the title in two weeks. They say his name over and over, show his picture, and show him winning the triple threat. I’ll avoid spoilers, but my goodness TNA, cut this nonsense out.

Video on Kurt Angle.

Matt Hardy vs. Bram

The bell never rings before they start fighting in the corner. Matt avoids a charge and hits the clothesline and running bulldog, followed by a second clothesline to send Bram outside. The brawling favors Bram of course and he takes over by driving Matt into the apron. Back in and some right hands set up a chinlock. Matt fights up and scores with a Side Effect, followed by a moonsault to the legs for two. Bram shoves the referee away though, setting up a low blow and the Brighter Side of Suffering (inverted DDT) for the pin at 4:15.

Rating: D+. Just a quick brawl here but Bram joining the Revolution could be interesting. That being said, they need to actually do something with the team before it gets stale by just sitting there. This wasn’t much of a match though and I’m not wild on another DDT finisher from someone out of the UK.

Bram gets his wrench but Magnus runs down for the save. When Bram left him laying in an alley, Magnus had two choices: go home and hide, or be the kind of man that his son could be proud of. It’s personal now, and Magnus is going to make Bram’s blood stain the holy ground of England.

Spud promises Anderson that he’ll finish things with Ethan Carter III tonight.

Galloway says he’s tired of the Beat Down Clan dominating the show and he isn’t going to stand for it. He has an army in his corner and it begins tonight.

Recap of Spud vs. Carter.

Here’s Spud in a Union Jack flag to thank the fans for getting him through all these problems. Everything has to end though, so he’d like Ethan Carter III to come out here right now, face to face. That’s exactly what he gets with Carter in a suit of his own. Spud wants to end this man against man but Carter goes into his usual speech about his accomplishments.

That’s not what Spud wants to hear though as he tells Carter to shut up. Of course Spud knows everything about Ethan’s career because he was there with Carter every step of the way. If that’s so important to him, fight Spud one on one so he can end Carter’s streak. Carter agrees, provided that Spud puts up his hair. Spud agrees, but thinks Carter’s hair should be on the line too.

Ethan bends down to look Spud in the eye and says challenge accepted, but just remember one thing: in this world, the bad guys win. Carter goes to leave but Spud brings up all the times Carter told him he was a lion or a gazelle. Well he isn’t any of those things, because he’s a man. As usual, this is the best feud TNA has had in months if not years. I can’t believe I’m saying it but my goodness it’s awesome.

Eric Young video.

Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Taryn Terrell

Taryn is defending and goes right at Kong, only to bounce off the monster and hit the mat. Kong keeps pounding away and slams the champ down, only to miss a charge in the corner. Some right hands stun Kong for a few moments but the Taryn Cutter is shrugged off. The second attempt goes just as well but Kong shoves the referee away for the DQ at 4:15.

Rating: D. This was angle advancement instead of a match and that’s fine. They were clearly setting up the big showdown later on, but this protected Kong at the same time. The problem with someone like Kong is you have to either give her the title or beat her and end her credibility. It’s hard to grade this as a match though as it was basically a squash until the storyline ending.

Taryn gets beaten up post match but Gail Kim runs out for the save.

Video on Davey Richards turning down the Revolution’s offer to join, setting up a rivalry between the teams.

Bobby Roode video.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Abyss/James Storm

The Wolves are challenging but get jumped by the rest of the Revolution during their entrance. We get the opening bell and everyone brawls in the ring with the Wolves sending Storm into Abyss and making the monster DDT his leader. I really, really hate that spot. Things settle down to Abyss hammering Richards down but missing a splash. Manik pulls Edwards down to the floor to break up the hot tag though and it’s off to Storm.

The Revolution tries to double team but Richards crawls between Storm’s legs for the hot tag to Edwards. Eddie starts cleaning house but eats a Backstabber and the Eye of the Storm for two. Cue Matt Hardy to stare at the rest of the Revolution, allowing Eddie to grab an O’Connor Roll for two. Storm grabs a jumping neckbreaker and tags in Abyss, only to have him get sent to the floor.

The Wolves hit three straight double dives to take out everyone not named Storm but Edwards kicks him down. Manik and Sanada sneak in but Sanada mists Manik by mistakes. Abyss tries to bring in the cowbell but Matt comes in with a Twist of Fate, setting up the top rope stomps from the Wolves (dubbed the Hammer of the Gods) for the pin at 8:15.

Rating: C-. Good night this was a mess and I was losing track of everything by the end. TNA really needs to cut down on the mass carnage and interference in their matches because this isn’t making things any better. The Wolves winning is fine, but three things: who do they defend against, what is the point of the Revolution at this point, and HOW BLIND IS THE REFEREE??? You had all that interference, a cowbell and MIST but he never calls a DQ? Really?

Post break, Matt endorses the new champs.

Spud vs. Carter in the hair vs. hair match is next week in London. Magnus vs. Bram as well.

Eric Young vs. Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode

One fall to a finish and the winner gets a title shot in two weeks. More on that later. For the third of five matches tonight, we have a brawl before the bell with Roode and Young beating each other up on the floor. Roode sends Young into the aisle before coming back in for a suplex from Angle. Eric gets back in and tries to German suplex Roode but Bobby grabs the referee. Instead it’s a neckbreaker to put Roode down as Angle is sent to the floor.

Young stays in control but gets small packaged for two, only to take Roode’s head off with a clothesline. A superplex on Roode is turned into a Tower of Doom with Angle powerbombing both guys down. Angle rolls a ridiculous ten Germans on Young but Roode counters the Angle Slam into the crossforehead. That’s countered into the ankle lock (probably because it wasn’t pulling back on Angle) but Roode rolls through into a crosseyes.

Young makes the save but takes the spinebuster from Roode, who gets Angle Slammed for two. There go the straps and Angle puts Young in the ankle lock but Eric makes the ropes. Angle rolls through the Roode Bomb into another ankle lock, only to have Roode roll through and bump the referee. Young hits Roode in the head with a chair, only to have Angle kick him down and hit the Slam on Roode for the title shot at 8:41.

Rating: C-. There were some major issues with this match. First and foremost was Eric Young, because he sucks. He makes things that shouldn’t possibly suck suck. Like an air pump that blows air into things. Eric Young could make it suck. You put Eric Young’s face on the New England Patriots’ jerseys? They suck.

Eric Young is appearing at a frat house and giving away free beer? The frat boys would go to church and drink orange juice instead because Eric Young sucks. Eric Young sucks. He sucks on trains, he sucks on cars, he probably sucks on orange flavored popsicles. Why would he do that? Because orange flavored popsicles suck, just like Eric Young.

So yeah, Eric Young sucks. Other than that though, this match needed to go longer to live up to the hype this match had been given in the show. It’s another short match that didn’t have the time to get anywhere because TNA has to pack everything they can into a single show and fit in all their promos that don’t advance anything.

There’s one last thing that held this match back though: TNA spoiled the ending. Yeah, earlier in the night there was a preview for the March 20 show. Here’s a paraphrased version of the audio. “KURT ANGLE has battled back to the top of TNA (with a clip of Angle pinning Roode) and is now the top contender to the World Title. On March 20, Angle will challenge TNA World Champion Bobby Lashley. Don’t miss this huge clash.”

So all that drama that they could squeeze in to the less than nine minutes they could give this match? Totally worthless, as they had given away the ending already. They did this a few weeks back when Lashley was in Lethal Lockdown. This is something they REALLY need to work on. You could easily have switched the audio to “WHO WON???” and the problem is solved. But it’s TNA, where the most basic things are difficult but having an entertaining show is becoming more common.

Lashley comes out for a staredown to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was the end of the run of really good shows but it was still good. Here’s the thing TNA still has over Raw at the moment: they set stuff up, give it a good build, then mostly deliver on it (after spoiling it half the time). WWE is the opposite as they have a bad build but the payoff is usually good. They need to slow things down though and let some of the matches stretch out. That’s making the shows feel like Attitude Era episodes: they go by so fast that I can’t tell if it was good or not.

The other major issue here is the lack of a focus. So Galloway is now feuding with the entire BDC, the Revolution is….I think feuding with the Hardys and Wolves, Bram might be joining the Revolution and is feuding with Magnus, and we’re getting Roode vs. Young again because they’ve been feuding so now they keep feuding? There’s good stuff in TNA right now, but they feel like they’re holding things together with some strong duct tape. That’s only going to last so long and this episode showed some cracks.

Results

Drew Galloway b. Kenny King – Future Shock

Bram b. Matt Hardy – Brighter Side of Suffering

Taryn Terrell b. Awesome Kong via DQ when Kong shoved the referee

Wolves b. Abyss/James Storm – Hammer of the Gods to Abyss

Kurt Angle b. Bobby Roode and Eric Young – Angle Slam to Roode

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 20, 2015
Location: SSE Hydro, Glasgow, Scotland
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Taz

It’s another UK show this week with a double main event. This week we’re seeing Al Snow face British Boot Camp cast off Grado, as well as a twenty man gauntlet match for the #1 contendership to the World Title. As expected, it looked like the Beat Down Clan will be working together to take over the match. Let’s get to it.

The opening sets up the gauntlet and shows us the top 5, which will determine the order of the last five entrants. Angle is #1, despite Roode being #1 last week and winning while Angle lost. Roode isn’t even in the top 5, meaning this whole thing lasted two weeks before it stopped making sense.

Angle comes out and says he’s back to win the World Title.

Lashley wants to talk to Angle.

Matt Hardy/Eddie Edwards/Davey Richards vs. Revolution

It’s Storm/Abyss/Manik here and the brawl starts in the aisle. Manik gets triple teamed in the corner to start and we even get something like Poetry in Motion. Khoya pulls Matt to the floor and Storm sends him into the steps to take over. It’s off to Abyss for a running corner splash, which is as athletic as I’ve seen him in years. Storm comes in with a Hardy pose on the middle rope but Matt grabs a Side Effect on Manik. They’re going with the fast forward version of the standard formula here and it’s not bad so far.

Storm can’t break up a tag to both Wolves at the same time and it’s time for the kicks. Everything breaks down and Richards backflips into an attempt at Shock Treatment but Edwards makes a save and sends Storm into a DDT from Abyss. I still hate that spot. The Wolves hit stereo dives to take out most of the Revolution. Manik is left alone for a top rope double stomp from Edwards for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: C. This is becoming TNA’s standard operating procedure in recent weeks: basic, well done matches that don’t go too far and just get the job done that they’re supposed to accomplish. That’s a VERY nice change of pace over what we usually get in TNA and even though I don’t believe they can keep it up, it’s a nice start.

The winners get destroyed post match and Abyss Black Hole Slams Manik. Storm orders Abyss to carry Manik out.

Here are Ethan Carter III and Tyrus to rant about Mr. Anderson stop the hair cut party last week. Ethan even jumps up and down in anger for a funny moment. Cue Anderson to ask a very sweaty Carter why he’s obsessed with cutting hair. Maybe Carter should get his head shaved and Anderson has his own clippers. Anderson comes to the ring but Tyrus gets right in his face. The distraction allows Spud and Mandrews to sneak up on Carter and the beating is on. Tyrus saves his boss from a haircut but Anderson plants him with a Mic Check and tape him to the ropes, allowing Spud to shave Tyrus’ hair. Spud says Carter is next.

MVP and the Beat Down Clan are going to be standing tall at the end of the night.

Mickie James comes into the arena and is here for some important business involving Magnus. I’m glad Josh mentioned that Mickie and Magnus are married, as it was coming off like something TNA just expected us to know. That’s not something you should ever do as you don’t want any potentially new fans to be confused.

Al Snow vs. Grado

We get a few more details on Grado, who missed a meeting on British Boot Camp and was eliminated, only to come back and get eliminated again. It would be nice if TNA actually SHOWED us this stuff instead of just telling us but at least it’s something. Snow destroys him to start and hits the Snow Plow for two, followed by a moonsault for the same. Grado is really over with the fans here and you can see that cult following showing through. Grado avoids a second moonsault and hits a boot to face, followed by a Cannonball in the corner and another big boot for the pin at 4:33. It’s as abrupt as it sounds.

Rating: D. The match was nothing but it gave the fans a feel good moment. I still have no reason to care about Grado due to living in America and not being able to watch British Boot Camp, but this was much more for the fans than nothing else. I’m not sure how much Grado can get over outside of Scotland but that natural charisma will get him a long way. Granted I would have said the same thing about Joey Ryan the first time they did this story.

Snow shakes Grado’s hand as he promised to do if he lost but the BDC runs in for the attack. Drew Galloway (McIntyre) runs in with a pipe for the save and shows about 100x more energy and fire than he has in the last three years plus. He’s a good hire if he’s around for more than just this tour.

Angelina Love and the BroMans are their usual selves but Kong is shown watching with her usual scowl.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Taryn Terrell

Love is challenging and jumps Taryn to start, knocking her out to the floor. A fall away slam gets two but Angelina takes too much time going up and gets slammed down. Taryn gets two of her own off a middle rope clothesline but walks into the Botox Injection. Love takes too much time going after her though and eats a Taryn Cutter for the pin at 2:37.

Kong comes out and Implant Busts Taryn but Gail Kim comes out for the staredown.

We get Royal Rumble style interviews on who is going to win the gauntlet.

Robbie is ready to win the Grand Slam.

Ethan Carter can beat twenty men in his sleep.

MVP has been fighting all his life (but is he trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble?) so this is nothing.

Low Ki says the BDC runs this place.

Samoa Joe says 20 men will enter and a Clan will leave victorious.

Here’s Tommy Dreamer for a chat. Dreamer says he’s here to fight because Young dropped him on his head last week. No Young though, so Dreamer goes to the back and gets jumped. They fight back into the arena and Tommy wants a referee out here for an old school fight.

Eric Young vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer spits a fan’s beer into Young’s face but gets crotched on the barricade. Young apparently may be insane and violent but he’s not a thief. He also bites Dreamer’s forehead and draws some VERY solid blood before Tommy gets out a table and we get the opening bell. They head inside but Tommy is able to backdrop out of a piledriver attempt.

The DDT onto the chair is countered with a leg sweep but Eric takes too long setting up a table. Dreamer superplexes himself through the table with Young barely grazing it. A chair is wedged into the corner but Dreamer pops back up. Eric low blows him to take over, sends him into the chair and plants him with a good looking piledriver for the pin at 4:22.

Rating: D. Two of my least favorite wrestlers in the world right now in a needless gimmick match which didn’t even get five minutes. That bite was SICK though and the piledriver looked really good too so I can give it a pass, but my goodness I never want to see these two on TV ever again. Well maybe Young if he drops way down the card but Dreamer is as welcome as something very unwelcome at a place you wouldn’t want that something to be at.

We recap Magnus vs. Bram, which is due to Magnus taking a Feast or Fired briefcase from Bram.

Here’s Mickie James to talk about her fiance’s feud with Bram. She’s had a great year, including having a beautiful son and getting engaged (fans: “BOO!” Also Josh was wrong when he said they were married. Don’t get into Tenay territory Matthews), but she’s here to call Bram nothing but a coward. Cue Bram with a cueball but Mickie immediately rips into him for all the things Magnus has done for him over the years. Magnus was beaten up so badly that he can’t even hold his own son.

Bram starts talking but it’s so quiet that I can’t understand him over the WE WANT MAGNUS chants. The chants aren’t even that loud but the microphone is so quiet. Bram says Magnus could have any girl in the world but he’s stuck with her. Mickie is a needy redneck who ruined his life. That’s why Bram battered him, but Mickie says it’s because he knows he’s only half the man Magnus is. Bram gets all ticked off so Mickie slaps him in the face. Referees come out to hold Bram back and he leaves peacefully. This is already about a million times better than any Magnus story.

Lashley and Angle are in the back (with HARDCORE COUNTRY playing) and Lashley reminds him that he’s the champ. Angle says Lashley is next, so Lashley will be watching tonight.

Gauntlet Match

Basically a twenty man Royal Rumble for a title shot next week. Kenny King is in at #1 and Austin Aries is in at #2 with King sending Austin to the apron, only to have Aries run back in and hit the Pendulum Elbow. King hammers him back down though and Craazy Steve is in at #3. Steve and Aries team up but the clock gets a lot faster and it’s Jesse Godderz in at #4. Jesse goes right after Steve but has to skin the cat to avoid an elimination.

Bram is in at #5 and people start pairing off for fights in the corners. The clock gets even faster as Khoya is already in at #6. Steve rakes Khoya in the eyes but is easily backdropped to the floor for an elimination. Chris Melendez (where has he been?) is in at #7 and goes after Bram until Mr. Anderson is in at #8. Anderson is back in trunks and hammers away until we take a break.

Back with Tyrus entering at an unlisted number. During the break, Samuel Shaw, DJZ and Great Sanada all entered, putting Tyrus as #12. Also during the break, Melendez was the only man eliminated. Everyone’s attempts to get at Tyrus result in Godderz, DJZ and Shaw being eliminated. Spud is in at #13 and goes after Tyrus, only to get sent to the apron and spiked out to the floor. Robbie E. is in at #14 as Tyrus puts out Khoya.

Sanada mists Tyrus from the apron but Anderson knocks Sanada to the floor and sends Tyrus to apron as well. Tyrus hangs on and tries to skin the cat but Anderson bites his hand for the elimination. Gunner is in at #15 and goes right after Bram. We have Gunner, Bram, Anderson, Robbie E., King and Aries in there at the moment. Ethan Carter III is in at #16 as Robbie is dumped out.

There go Bram and EC3 as Samoa Joe is in at #17. That goes nowhere so here’s Low Ki at #18. It’s already announced that MVP and Angle are the final two, meaning Roode isn’t in it due to the attack by Young last week. We’re running out of time so MVP is quickly in at #19. Joe throws out Anderson and it’s all four members of the BDC, Aries and Gunner at the moment. The BDC dumps Gunner and it’s Angle in at #20 for a final grouping of Aries, MVP, Low Ki, Joe, King and Angle as we take a break.

Back with Aries being eliminated to get us down to five. Lashley comes out to watch as the Clan takes their time beating Angle down. Kurt gets in something like a hot shot on Low Ki but Joe Rock Bottoms him out of the corner to stop Kurt cold. Kurt low bridges Joe to the floor and the odds are a bit better.

Low Ki gets backdropped to the floor and it’s down to three. King gets the same treatment, leaving us with Angle vs. MVP. Kurt is still in trouble though as he gets caught with the Ballin Elbow but MVP can’t get him out. A baseball slide misses though and the Black Out does the same, only to have King trips Angle, allowing MVP to kick him out for the win at 32:25.

Rating: C. Keeping this fast was a good idea as it became a pretty boring battle royal once the BDC was in full control. MVP winning makes the most sense as you have to give him a title shot at some point. Angle can have his shot later but the BDC is the big thing right now and giving its leader the win was the right call.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling here wasn’t the best but that’s not the point of this show. Tonight was a good example of logically moving stories forward and not doing anything incredibly stupid (save for putting Tommy Dreamer on TV in 2015 but that’s a different story entirely). This is a MAJOR step forward for TNA as their product is getting better, even though their business is pretty horrid at the moment. At the end of the day though, getting some positive word of mouth is the best thing they can have right now and shows like this will get them a long way in doing so.

Results

Matt Hardy/Wolves b. Revolution – Top rope double stomp to Manik

Grado b. Al Snow – Al Snow – Big boot

Taryn Terrell b. Angelina Love – Taryn Cutter

Eric Young b. Tommy Dreamer – Piledriver

MVP won a gauntlet match last eliminating Kurt Angle

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Fall Brawl 1999
Date: September 12, 1998
Location: Lawrence Joel Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Attendance: 7,491
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

Well we had to get here eventually, even though I don’t think people wanted to. The main event here is Sting vs. Hogan for the title and Goldberg vs. Page because those are fresh matches. We also get to see the Revolution rising up the card in a big No DQ tag match and Benoit defending the US Title against one of the draws in Sid, who is nice enough to give Benoit a main event rub. This is also the first show without Bischoff at the helm so some of the details could be interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video that looks like it’s inspired by the Matrix with rapid fire text behind shots of Sting, Luger and Hogan as they talk about who can trust each other. Hogan will NEVER screw Sting of course.

The announcers, all wearing black ribbons in honor of Mark Curtis (nice touch), aren’t sure who should trust who either. Sid is officially 79-0 coming into tonight, because they wanted to match Goldberg’s Streak but couldn’t even keep their fake wins even with Goldberg fighting for the title in his 75^th match.

Video on the Clowns vs. the actual wrestlers. The point of the video is about whether they’re wrestlers or musicians plus something about Eddie and Vampiro not liking each other in Mexico. Nothing is mentioned about the Clowns and Vampiro recruiting various wrestlers, making it even more pointless than it seemed before.

The set is a big FALL BRAWL sign with the letters being used as the video screen. As I’m sure you can guess, this makes the video almost impossible to see, meaning WCW managed to screw up the idea of A BIG SCREEN.

Insane Clown Posse/Vampiro vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

Same opener as last month. Mysterio now has bleached blond hair and the same attire as Kidman. We pause a bit as the heels are scared because they’ve never seen the color yellow. Xanthophobists. The stalling begins as Heenan points out the resemblance between Violent J. (with hair as blond as Mysterio) and Brian Knobbs. Kidman and Shaggy finally get things going with Shaggy sending Kidman into Vampiro’s boot. A dropkick puts Mr. 2 Dope (or is it Mr. Dope? His parents gave him the middle name 2?) down and they botch a wheelbarrow slam into a guillotine legdrop from Rey.

Eddie adds the slingshot hilo and the Clown is in early trouble. Mysterio hits the springboard falling splash before throwing him over for a tag to J. A catapult sends him into the buckle and the Clowns do the fake tag bit to bring in Vampiro. It’s off to Kidman who dropkicks Vampiro back into the corner, meaning we get more Clowns. Oh how blessed we truly are. J. scores with a chop (wow he can stick his hand out!) and it’s back to Vampiro for a good powerbomb on Kidman (that’s twice in two weeks. Kidman must be sick) for two.

A top rope spinwheel kick to the hands gets two for Vampiro as Tony gets in the revelation of the night, saying he used to braid his hair like Vampiro. Thankfully Tenay doesn’t let that by but Tony gets away from it as fast as he can. Back to J. for a weak chop before Kidman nails him with a clothesline. Rey comes in with the springboard seated senton and a Lionsault for two but the Clowns cheat to take Mysterio outside. Shaggy even needs help whipping Rey into the barricade.

Back in for a chinlock and some horrible stomps from Shaggy. Vampiro goes after Eddie and Kidman but it allows Rey to tag in Eddie to speed things up. A quick mule kick puts Guerrero down though and it’s back to J. for a side slam. Shaggy drops a top rope legdrop, which barely grazes Eddie’s forehead for two. There is zero reason to allow them to do high risk moves like that when they clearly can’t do them right. If nothing else it’s not fair to Eddie to lay there with his head and neck in danger like that.

Everything breaks down and Shaggy and Vampiro HORRIBLY botch something like a 3D with Vampiro sitting instead of falling and Shaggy losing his grip on Eddie, turning it into more of an assisted backdrop than anything else. Rey is down on the floor and seems to be hurt. Vampiro gutwrench superplexes Kidman but eats a missile dropkick from Eddie, who looks ticked off. The shooting star from Kidman is enough to pin Vampiro.

Rating: D-. I feel so, so sorry for the Filthy Animals here as they were in there with guys who had no business in the ring and had to babysit them. Eddie had to take that legdrop on his head and the botched 3D and Mysterio got hurt (might not have been the Clowns’ fault to be fair). These guys should be on the Revolution’s level right now (Eddie would be fine as a mouthpiece instead of Shane) but instead they’re in these bad opening matches because they have one talented guy to work with instead of three, putting them at a huge and unsafe handicap.

The Revolution guarantees a clean sweep tonight.

We recap Lenny Lane winning the Cruiserweight Title, which is basically just him sending Rey into Lodi and rolling him up for the pin. Kaz Hayashi pinned Lenny in a match against Lodi and that’s enough for the title shot. Of course these guys couldn’t keep an eye on the Clowns while the other three fight over the title.

Cruiserweight Title: Kaz Hayashi vs. Lenny Lane

Lodi has at least toned it down a bit and is just covered in glitter and wearing leather pants. It’s amazing how much different Tony is without Bischoff around as he’s staying on the stories and matches without saying anything overly stupid. Feeling out process to start until Lane prances around the ring. Kaz fires off some kicks to the leg and kicks Lenny in the back to pull him down into a sunset flip for two. That’s a new one. A nice headscissors sends Lane to the floor and he jumps into Lodi’s arms in an old standard. Kaz dives onto both of them and the champ is still in trouble.

Lodi finally gets something right by tripping Hayashi to give Lane control. A sitout wheelbarrow slam gets two on Kaz and it’s time to pose. Lane hits a nice sitout gutwrench powerbomb for two as this match is actually pretty good so far. Kaz gets back up and sends Lenny outside for a big flip dive. The advantage is short lived though as Lodi gets in a cheap shot to give Lenny control again.

We hit the chinlock with Chris Jericho look-a-like Lenny Lane telling the referee to ask him. Hayashi escapes a German suplex and gets two off a standing hurricanrana, only to get bulldogged down for the same. The champ gets caught in a belly to back and a running Liger Bomb out of the corner gets two more with Lodi making the save. You can tell Bischoff is gone as Tony actually knew the name of the move.

Kaz is crotched on top and you can see the glitter all over his back. Lenny and Lodi almost collide, allowing Kaz to grab a victory roll for two more. Lodi’s next attempt at cheating works though as he snaps Kaz throat first across the top rope, setting up a Skull Crushing Finale to retain Lenny’s title.

Rating: C+. Why do I have a bad feeling we just saw the match of the night? This was far better than I was expecting, which isn’t saying much as I didn’t expect anything from this one. It’s a totally acceptable and at times quite good match with Kaz being a good choice as challenger of the week to Lane’s title, even though he’s just keeping it warm until we get to a bigger name to take over as champion.

Here’s Sting for the pay per view interview before his title shot in the main event. First up, Luger is on the verge of losing their friendship forever. Tonight is beyond big for Sting so if Luger sticks his nose in his business tonight, it’s the same result as it was last week. I’m assuming he means earlier this week on Monday when Sting punched him but you can’t expect grown men to remember things like days of the week. Sting takes the mic and says his ninth title reign could start tonight because it’s showtime folks. This really didn’t need to be on pay per view.

We recap the Revolution vs. the First Family and I still have no idea why this match is happening.

Shane Douglas/Dean Malenko vs. Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobbs

No DQ for reasons that have yet to be explained. Shane says we’re in Saginaw, Michigan, which to be fair is where they taped Thunder a mere ten days earlier. It’s a brawl to start, which is what it should be in a No DQ match. Morrus easily stomps Shane down on the floor, leaving Dean to beat up both villains on his own. Shane comes back in to low blow both guys as you can see the fans leaving to go to the concession stands.

The First Family poses outside so some baseball slides (baseball grab the rope and kick for Shane) knock them into the aisle. The announcers do everything they can to put the First Family over as a major threat and a good team, even as Malenko and Douglas send them into the steps. Lots of punching abounds until we settle down to Knobbs vs. Shane in the ring. Brian gives him the Pit Stop before it’s off to Malenko to armdrag the legal Morrus. Hugh hammers away in the corner but charges into Shane’s boots.

Back to Dean as you can still see about ten seats opposite the hard camera sitting empty. They head outside with Brian sending Shane into the barricade but Douglas trips Morrus off the apron to take over. Back in and Knobbs slams Shane down, only to dive into a raised boot. The hot tag brings in Dean to clean house as the fans really aren’t interested. Could it be because he’s beating up some goofs who should be headlining Saturday Night? Knobbs is sent to the floor where he trips Dean, allowing Morrus to plant him with a slam, setting up No Laughing Matter for the pin. It really was that sudden.

Rating: G. As in good grief just close the doors now. I know the big match coming later that people usually rant about on this show, but this one is far more absurd. At least with the other one it’s a big name going over an up and comer. This is putting two young(ish) guys down for the sake of pushing BRIAN KNOBBS??? To make it even worse, the First Family would win a total of two more televised matches for the rest of the year, meaning this didn’t even lead anywhere.

This comes off as more of a political move than anything else, as WCW can now say the fans aren’t behind the Revolution because fans rarely cheer teams that lose completely clean to low level tag teams on pay per view. “See? The fans don’t like them so there’s no point in pushing them. Maybe they can put over the Rednecks again so we can laugh at those southern idiots cheering a couple of cowboys.” The No DQ stuff didn’t mean anything else as they were only on the floor in the first part of the match.

I watched this match out of context a few years back and I was more angry than anything else. Watching it again, with all the Nitros and Thunders to give it context, it’s more sad now. Somehow seeing these two jugheads beat the team that should be helping bring WCW into the new generation doesn’t surprise me. It’s something that makes sense for WCW and makes me wonder how Dean and company managed to stay as long as they did. That’s sad.

Tony immediately brings up Saturn being wrong about guaranteeing a sweep tonight, just to emphasize that the Revolution is a bunch of losers.

We recap Saturn vs. Steiner which is little more than old vs. new for old’s TV Title, which he’s already said is worthless and doesn’t even carry with him.

TV Title: Perry Saturn vs. Rick Steiner

As usual, the announcers talk about Scott Steiner like he’s here every week even though he hasn’t been seen in about four months. Steiner immediately takes Saturn down and hits him in the face as we’re told that Buff Bagwell hasn’t arrived yet so there will be a replacement for his match with Berlyn.

Saturn speeds things up with a superkick and spinning springboard legdrop to send the champ outside, setting up a nice suicide dive. The fans aren’t reacting to these moves but they’re nice at least. Back in and a release German gets two on the champ but he kicks Saturn between the legs (thankfully the referee wasn’t looking for a change) to take over. Tenay talks about Mark Curtis passing away and you can tell the announcers really cared for him.

Saturn is sent outside and into the steps, followed by an exposed DDT on the concrete. Now in 1986, that started a big house show feud between Jake Roberts and Ricky Steamboat. Here, it doesn’t keep Saturn off his feet for thirty seconds. Steiner hits a good looking release German for two and we hit the reverse chinlock to keep the crowd comatose. Now it’s a kneeling half crab, making Saturn slap the mat to get the crowd fired up, which isn’t tapping out because of…..uh, reasons.

Steiner clearly isn’t even pulling back on the hold to make this an even bigger laughingstock. Thankfully Saturn doesn’t bother to sell it and hits a middle rope dropkick and a modified t-bone suplex for two of his own. The Death Valley Driver gets the same to make it clear that Steiner is retaining. He rams Saturn stomach first into the buckle but gets crotched on top. It’s more false hope though as Steiner shoves him off the ropes and hits the bulldog to retain.

Rating: D. Saturn was trying but you can’t out work stupid booking. I have no idea who thought keeping the title on Steiner was a good idea at this point but they must have had a lot of stroke. The TV Title isn’t going to make it to the middle of April (and would be gone for about two and a half months in between) and it’s this reign that killed it. The matches haven’t been good (his opponents’ halves have been watchable but that’s about it) and the fans just do not react to him. Plus there was that time when he said the title was worthless. Why keep the title around if there’s nothing to it?

Tony keeps piling on the Revolution and makes it worse by bringing up Goldberg beating Steiner last month, just to emphasize how many people there are that are better than Saturn.

Hogan is sick of the wrestlers questioning him. He’s promised his kids that he will not stab Sting in the back because he would have done it a long time ago. Tonight, he’s taking care of Sting and he’ll take care of Luger later. Ignore the WE WANT FLAIR chants during this segment because Flair isn’t a draw, especially in the Carolinas.

The announcers speculate about Hogan being worried. They really picked now to kill time after three straight heel wins?

Berlyn vs. ???

Berlyn has a big bodyguard with him meaning the horrible blonde interpreter seems to be gone. The replacement opponent……Jim Duggan. Berlyn jumps him before the bell but a dropkick doesn’t put Duggan down. Some clotheslines send Berlyn over the top and out to the floor for a USA chant. After some stalling, an atomic drop sends Berlyn into the corner as it’s almost all Duggan.

Berlyn kicks him in the ribs and grabs a headlock before Jim no sells a European uppercut. An eye poke finally slows him down and we hit the chinlock to kill whatever momentum they were getting. Duggan fights up and drives some shoulders into the ribs before they hit the mat for something resembling a wrestling sequence, which is somehow even worse than you would expect. Now they just stand there and look at each other until Berlyn hooks the worst snapmare this side of Dusty vs. Flair at Starrcade 1985.

We hit another chinlock as Heenan says this looks like two winos fighting over a bottle on the sidewalk. Bobby gets in an easy set of jokes about a hair takedown (“Is that German? When I’m over there it’s Herr Heenan and Okerlund is still Herr less.”) as they head outside for the yet to be named Wall to run Duggan over with a clothesline. Back in and they finally end this mess with Berlyn hitting a sitdown neckbreaker, which Duggan sells by falling backwards onto him.

Rating: F. As much as I’d love to blast Berlyn, this was almost all on Duggan. He wouldn’t sell and spent most of the match making goofy faces instead of doing anything productive. The announcers were more into the bodyguard than the match, but can you blame them after this mess? This was pretty much it for Berlyn as he wouldn’t recover from this mess. I feel bad for him as this is the second time this happened to Wright. You might remember SuperBrawl V in 1995, where Paul Roma basically did the exact same thing. That’s some horrible luck.

We cut to the back to see Buff Bagwell who says he can be ready in two minutes but agent Mike Graham says the format has already been changed. Buff hits the ring but Duggan is mad at him. From what I can find, Bagwell didn’t want to do the job so they sent Duggan out there instead. As unprofessional as that is, can you blame Bagwell? He was supposed to get this big push and then Piper wouldn’t put him over in a wrestling match and Bagwell’s push was gone, so now he’s supposed to job to Alex Wright in a gimmick that has already bombed? As usual, WCW seems to be a huge mess behind and in front of the camera.

Quick recap of the Tag Team Title feud. The Rednecks cheated to win the belts and Harlem Heat wants their rematch. After all this mess tonight, a simple story like that sounds great.

Tag Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. West Texas Rednecks

Kendall Windham in a spot this big doesn’t sound good however. Curly Bill isn’t here, which is probably best for everyone involved. Curt however is here with the cowbell. Heenan brings up the Steiners as the most dominant tag team of all time (because where would we be without praising them in 1999?) and Tony says they were the best team of the 1980s, despite wrestling for a year at most in that decade.

After a brawl to start it’s Booker kicking Kendall down before Barry comes in and getting double suplexed. There’s a big boot to Barry’s face as the crowd is trying to get into this for some reason. Then the tag brings in Kendall and the fans go right back down, which WCW never seemed to learn. Stevie stares at Kendall for trying to punch him but a right hand from Barry puts him down. Barry just looks horribly out of shape and it’s a very good thing that he’s wrestling in a t-shirt.

Curt doesn’t seem to be paying attention as a double clothesline gets two on Stevie. Ray powerslams him down and it’s off to Kendall vs. Booker with T. taking over with the usual kicks. Hennig gets on the apron but Booker kicks Kendall down again, sending all three Rednecks to the floor. Booker follows them out and gets beaten up as Stevie is too slow getting over for the save.

Back in and Booker shrugs off Kendall’s lame offense and hits the ax kick, only to have Barry clothesline him down. Hennig gets in some cheap shots as Stevie gets held back by the referee. Barry’s superplex gets two with Stevie finally getting the timing right on the save. The spinning sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Booker as this match just keeps going. The referee doesn’t see the tag to Stevie and the Rednecks cheat even more.

Kendall gets two off a middle rope clothesline and Stevie doesn’t even have to move from the apron to make the save. They redo the missed tag spot but this time Stevie just beats the Windhams up anyway. Everything breaks down and Curt hits Stevie with the cowbell but the referee doesn’t see the cover. Booker comes in off the top with the missile dropkick to give the Heat the belts back.

Rating: D. And that’s being generous because I’ve failed a lot of matches tonight. This was so boring as it went on about five minutes longer than it should have and didn’t get anywhere. Harlem Heat getting the belts back is definitely the right move, but we’re right back where we were after Road Wild went off the air. This show is long past the point of saving and this didn’t help things. It doesn’t help that this is the sixth match and the second won by good guys. Side note: this is the eleventh title change of the year (counting vacations) and we’re eight and a half months into the year. There would be eight more coming.

We recap the Sid Vicious Streak and Benoit challenging him because that’s what a good, young wrestler does. Sid even called Benoit the only member of the Revolution that stood out. Here’s his reward for impressing Sid.

US Title: Sid Vicious vs. Chris Benoit

I love how the announcers just talk about Sid’s streak like it’s legit and the same as Goldberg’s, even after showing us how he got there. Tenay brings up the disaster that was the battle royal competition on Monday to get things going. We start with the stalling as referee Charles Robinson is accused of being a Sid cheerleader. Sid shoves Benoit down and stops to yell at the fans. Tony: “That was a big moment for Sid.” Sid knocks him to the floor with a shoulder as the announcers are already treating this like a mismatch.

Back in and Sid hammers away before choking on the ropes. A dragon screw leg whip puts Sid down and Benoit starts working on the knee like a smart wrestler would. An Indian deathlock makes Sid scream as the empty seats are showing up again. The fans chant for Goldberg as Sid gets back up and kicks at Benoit in the corner. A running boot misses but confirms that Sid isn’t interested in selling the knee. Benoit wraps the knee around the post and crushes them between the post and steps (Tony: “HOLY CHRISTMAS!”) twice in a row.

Sid is thrown back inside and easily catches Benoit’s top rope cross body, even lifting up his good knee to drive into Benoit’s back, meaning he’s holding Benoit up on the bad leg alone thirty seconds after Benoit crushed it against the post. All hope is lost. Benoit muscles him over with a German but Sid pops up and hits a Samoan drop to counter a crucifix attempt. A cobra clutch puts Benoit down again and we hit the chinlock (with Sid’s hands around Benoit’s face and no pressure on the back because Sid CAN’T EVEN DO A CHINLOCK PROPERLY) because all this no selling has made Sid tired.

Benoit fights up and tries a sunset flip but Sid just sits on him to stop any comeback attempt. Another dropkick to the knee puts Sid down and there’s the Crossface. Sid SLAPS THE MAT but it’s hitting the mat in disgust instead of tapping. My goodness this is killing my soul. Sid of course gets to stand up and break the hold but is nice enough to fall back down with his foot in the ropes. Not that it matters as Sid avoids the Swan Dive and powerbombs Benoit for the pin and the title.

Rating: S. For Screw You WCW. Seriously screw you. Benoit was doing everything he could out there to tell a story by going after the knee and trying to break Sid down but Sid just gets up and does whatever he wants because WCW is run by a bunch of incompetent morons. It’s even a theme tonight.

The Clowns get on the show because they’re famous (to a niche group of fans of course but when has that ever stopped WCW?) and WCW sends out its talented guys to baby sit them. The First Family gets to beat Malenko and Douglas completely clean because well why not. Then Rick Steiner gets to keep his title because they haven’t buried that thing enough yet. Bagwell, who is a veteran at this point as he’s been in WCW for over eight years, doesn’t feel like losing so we have to watch Duggan be a disaster (and likely not get punished for no selling) and then see Bagwell do a run-in anyway, meaning he likely got a PPV pay day.

Then the Windhams still have jobs despite Barry not being in good enough shape to wrestle without a t-shirt on (which is too small and we can still see his huge gut). Then there’s this mess, which results in Benoit being pushed down the card and Sid getting the biggest push he ever had in WCW because they can’t get any worse than this right? I’m so glad Benoit and company would be gone soon because no one who works hard even at all deserves to go through this.

And just to top it off. Tony: “He earned win #80 here.” Again, make sure you emphasize that the Revolution is just not good enough in case someone thinks otherwise.

We recap Page vs. Goldberg, which is basically Goldberg destroying the Triad to give him something to do before the big showdown with Sid.

Goldberg vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Tenay brings up the Halloween Havoc match from last year before admitting that it’s a completely different Page now. We get an old school weapons check….and the referee finds a chain. And a roll of coins! That right there is the only funny thing we’re going to see all night. Goldberg slugs Page to the floor and the stalling is already on. Back in and Page gets caught in a headlock before getting shoved into the corner a few times.

A shoulder sends Page back outside where he threatens to leave if the Goldberg chants don’t stop. They head into the crowd with Goldberg getting the better of it, as if you would expect anything else. Back in and the Diamond Cutter is countered into a powerslam. Page shoves the referee down and kicks Goldberg low before pulling out a third weapon to knock Goldberg silly. We hit the standard heel slowdown offense as Page hits him with the object again. Thankfully the referee wasn’t looking for no apparent reason.

Off to the chinlock as this torture continues. Goldberg Hulks Up but gets caught in a bad looking float over DDT for two. Page tries a spear but gets suplexed down for two as the Triad is here. Kanyon breaks something over the back of Goldberg’s head (drawing blood from the neck) and setting up a left armed Rock Bottom from Page for two more. Not that it matters as the spear and Jackhammer finish Page with ease.

Rating: D. One of the best matches of the night here despite being an exercise in how long can we stay in Memphis before Page comes back and pins Page. DDP was not working as a heel here with most of his heat coming from Yo Mama jokes and then bad matches following. Nothing to see here as the match was never once in doubt, especially with Sid looming (and still not selling anything as he waits).

We recap Hogan vs. Sting, which again is over trust or some nonsense like that involving the Hummer, because that thing just won’t die.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sting

Buffer says Sting has no affiliation. Hogan doesn’t really either does he? Before the bell, here’s Bret Hart (Buffer: “Only to pass on his offer of good luck for both men. He’s from the First Family of wrestling.” Please, no more First Family tonight. They’ve done enough.” Bret leaves without incident and I’m sure we won’t see him again. They shove each other around to start and exchange pokes in the chest. Hogan works on a wristlock before taking Sting down for something like an STF without the legs being tied together. Great. I have to put up with 15 minutes of Hulk Thesz tonight.

Hogan yells at some fans for some reason before driving knees to the ribs in the corner. You can see even more empty seats near the back of the arena and it’s hard to argue at this point. Sting actually hits the big jumping elbow drop for two and it’s off to the test of strength. Hogan kicks him in the ribs (called a knee by Tony) but Sting no sells a suplex. Oh no he’s been watching Sid tapes.

They fight to the floor with Hogan talking about it being for the World Title and choking with a cord. He’s definitely wrestling as Hollywood tonight. Back in and a belly to back suplex gets two on Sting and we hit another chinlock. Off to an abdominal stretch as Hogan’s dominance continues. Right hands in the corner have Sting in even more trouble and we’re just waiting on the interference.

Sting gets two of his own off a cross body and hits two Stinger Splashes but misses the third. It’s already Hulk Up time and the big boot clearly doesn’t make contact. Cue DDP to nail the referee as the legdrop connects. A Diamond Cutter puts Hogan down and Sting is put on top but Hogan kicks out at two. That’s a Diamond Cutter for the referee and another Hulk Up.

Now Hart comes back in to take out Page but Sid comes out as well, only to take the big boot to the shoulder (which he sells more than all of Benoit’s offense combined because of course he does). Luger comes in but drops the bat he was carrying, allowing Sting to nail Hogan (drawing the pop of the night), setting up the Deathlock on the unconscious Hogan for the title.

Rating: D. You have to be a really, REALLY stupid company to turn Sting heel but they somehow did it. This wasn’t the worst main event ever, but they clearly didn’t have any way to make someone lose here so they went with the big mess instead. I can live with that and the match wasn’t completely horrible, but again, they’re trying to turn Sting heel and as anyone who has watched wrestling for more than 18 seconds can tell you, that is never going to work.

Luger and Sting celebrate as Heenan is thrilled with Hogan getting stabbed in the back to end the show.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. The level of failure this show hits is beyond words. They have somehow managed to do almost every possible thing wrong on a single show and somehow made it even worse. I’m thinking of the good things on this show and it’s a very short list: Kaz vs. Lane was match of the night by about ten miles, Page having weapons on him was a funny bit, and…..someone help me out here. What else was good on this show?

It takes a very special kind of show for me to get mad fifteen years after it aired when I already know the results. Somehow this show did it as it took me all day to make myself sit through this mess. WCW managing to stick around as long as they did is astounding to me as there is no reason to stick around after watching something like this.

This is being written six days after the 2015 Royal Rumble, which made a lot of people say WWE was a disaster. Whenever you get annoyed at WWE, go back and watch some late 1999 WCW and your perspective will change. WWE today is light years ahead of this as you can at least get more than one good match and there’s an actual story (albeit somewhat misguided) in the main event. This show consistently goes against every possible thing people could want to see and seems to encourage its veterans to screw up and destroy the future.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this is actually worse than Heroes of Wrestling, which aired about a month after this. Yeah Heroes of Wrestling is a disaster, but it’s a disaster in a way that you can laugh at it. This show on the other hand felt more cruel than anything else. It felt like they were trying to be as stupid and short sighted as they could while taking the fans’ money at the same time. WCW has officially hit rock bottom and things can only get better with Russo. I mean that literally. I cannon imagine things actually getting worse than this.

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Thunder
Date: September 9, 1999
Location: Wendler Arena, Saginaw, Michigan
Attendance: 4,653
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

We’re into a new era here in WCW as I’m convinced the company gave up at the last Nitro. Unfortunately that means we have a taped Thunder to sit through, even though the previous show felt like the taped episode. I know I keep saying that things can’t get any worse and I’ve been wrong every single time. Let’s get to it.

This show is in memory of Mark Curtis who died of cancer shortly before this show.

Buff Bagwell vs. Barbarian

Buff poses, then locks up, then poses, then gets kicked in the face. I like this Barbarian’s style. He hammers away with every sort of strike you can think of, only to miss a clothesline and get dropkicked out to the floor. After a chat with Jimmy (who apparently speaks monster), Barbarian comes back in and gets stomped down yet again. Jimmy distracts Buff (like it’s that hard) so Barbarian can hammer away.

Even Hart gets in some choking on the ropes as he continues to be one of the hardest working manager in wrestling. Barbarian gets two off a side slam and it’s already time for Buff’s comeback with a cross body and neckbreaker for two of his own. Jimmy throws something in but Buff intercepts it and knocks Barbarian cold (1. Some hero. 2. Does no one remember racial stereotypes?) for the pin.

Rating: D. Maybe Berlyn is right and we should all start speaking German. They couldn’t even let the guy who is supposed to be the hero win with his cool looking finisher? If there’s a guy who had one of the easiest paths to being a face it’s Bagwell, but instead he has to cheat to win a match to set up a match where he’s supposed to be fighting for America. These are the kind of small things that really shouldn’t be happening but WCW seems to think no one is going to notice and/or care.

Clip of Berlyn from Nitro.

Now here’s something that has no business on this show: a geniunely good video history of Sting and Luger, dating back to their arrival in the Crockett territory and including clips from their time together as a team (including Crockett Cup footage) and their feud over the World Title.

Van Hammer vs. Blitzkrieg

Hammer starts fast by throwing Blitzkrieg across the ring like the cruiserweight he is…..and talks to the wrong camera. Blitzkrieg tries to get in some kicks and speed things up but dives into something like the Eye of the Storm (a Razor’s Edge but Hammer spins him around and drops him without ever leaving his feet). Hammer nails a running corner clothesline and drops a leg (on the chest but close enough) for two. A sunset flip goes as well for Blitzkrieg as you would expect and Hammer suplexes him down again.

Another suplex drops Blitzy again and Hammer goes up for a Swanton of all things. Since it takes him as long as frozen molasses going uphill, Blitzkrieg rolls away and hits a standing moonsault. He tries again since nothing else has worked but only hits mat, allowing Hammer to throw him around the ring again. They head outside to kill even more time, and so Hammer can no sell a moonsault off the apron. Back in and the cobra clutch slam ends Blitzkrieg with ease.

Rating: D-. So we had a long and boring squash with Blitzkrieg getting destroyed for the sake of Van Hammer, who hasn’t been going anywhere and won’t be going anywhere for the sake of filling in time on a taped Thunder. And for some reason it got over five minutes, just so Hammer could no sell Blitzkrieg’s big spot and win with a move as lame as a cobra clutch slam? All hail WCW.

Video on Page vs. Goldberg.

Video on who was driving the Hummer. Why am I supposed to still care about this?

Chris Benoit/Perry Saturn/Shane Douglas vs. Chris Adams/Steven Regal/Dave Taylor

Regal and Benoit trade headbutts to start as the fans chant USA. Off to Taylor for some hard European uppercuts before a double tag quickly brings in Saturn and Adams. Perry slams Adams down and drops him on his head for a pretty scary semi-botch. It’s off to Shane for some stomping as he still wrestles like a heel after shoehorning his way onto this team.

Ever the genius, Shane goes over into the corner and gets nailed by the Union Jack to give the Europeans control. The triple teaming only lasts a few moments but does include a save by Saturn. Shane rolls over for the hot tag off to Benoit and everything breaks down. Benoit and Adams stay in the ring and it’s a German suplex into the Swan Dive and Crossface for the submission.

Rating: D+. Really standard six man here as Benoit continues to be the only one in the team that gets to show off in the ring. Malenko has the skill but doesn’t get to do much, Saturn is more flashy than skilled at this point and Shane is a talker who is only average in the ring. I do however like the Europeans as the talented losers who are always going to look at least passable.

Lodi vs. Kaz Hayashi

This match….again? Kaz goes after Lenny but Lodi screws up the double team attempt. The spot is oh so hilarious that they do the same thing again until Lenny finally proves his worth by distracting Kaz long enough for Lodi to grab a suplex. Lodi takes him to the floor and sends him into the barricade a few times before heading back inside for the basic stuff he can do, mainly because he’s just a comedy character who is wrestling to continue an angle that should have died months ago.

A clothesline and powerslam get two on Kaz and a middle rope bulldog gets the same. We get the old Earl Hebner spot as Kaz tries a sunset flip but Lenny and Lodi grab hands, only to have the referee kick them apart for two. Kaz gets two more off a brainbuster before Lenny gets on the apron again but Kaz sends Lodi into his partner, setting up a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. The worst part about this match is it was fairly entertaining and had a story to it: whenever Lodi was on his own he beat Kaz up but whenever he tried to have Lenny help, everything fell apart. That being said, it’s fairly stupid to have Kaz in trouble against Lodi before he has a title shot this Sunday.

Lenny tries some elbows on Kaz but keeps hitting mat.

Video on Sting and Hogan, who are suddenly friends after all those years of like, hating each other.

Sid Vicious vs. Adrian Byrd/Bobby Blaze

Both guys are allowed in at once and it makes about as much difference as you would expect. The powerbomb ends Byrd in less than a minute.

Blaze gets the same treatment and Charles Robinson gets to hold up the signs. Sid says his usual schtick about being the Millennium Man.

Here’s the Revolution with Benoit missing the US Title and Dean carrying the TV Title for no apparent reason. You would think Saturn, as in the guy challenging for it on Sunday, would be holding it but I’m not sure WCW remembers what they’re doing that far in advance. Dean rambles about the title belonging to people like them and says Rick can get it back in a match tonight, one on one with Sid staying in the back. Shane does a bit better as he talks about the Revolution being addicted to gold and not stopping until they have all the titles.

Barry Windham vs. Booker T.

Booker seems to like the look of that title belt. Kendall tries to validate his employment by offering a distraction, allowing Barry to get the early advantage. Booker hammers away with his usual array of strikes and the flying forearm. They head outside and both sets of partners (well partner in Booker’s case) get in some cheap shots.

Back in and Barry nails a DDT, probably the only non-striking move he can do at this point. Windham hammers away and shocks me with a suplex before throwing Booker outside for a Redneck beating. Back in again and Barry slowly stomps away, only to miss an elbow. Mr. T. comes up with his series of kicks and we even get some breakdancing. He loads up the missile dropkick but the Rednecks come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Somehow this is one of the better matches of the night. I’m fine with Harlem Heat being back together, but it astounds me that the Rednecks are the best team they can find for them to chase. Kendall isn’t getting a rub out of this as he continues to be one of the most useless guys I’ve seen in years. Can we get to something else for these guys already?

Stevie tries to make the save and gets beaten down as well.

Clip of Sting getting laid out on Monday.

TV Title: Dean Malenko vs. Rick Steiner

Dean is challenging but has the belt, which apparently he stole at some point earlier in the night. Rick jumps him before the bell and plants him with a suplex as we already take a break. Back with Dean nailing a dropkick and getting punched square in the face for his efforts. Cue Sid as Malenko rolls Steiner up, only to kick him off and right into the chokeslam for the fast DQ. The match might have been four minutes, counting commercial.

Shane comes in and gets beaten down as well. Benoit is able to grab the Crossface on Sid but Steiner makes the save. Cue Saturn so we can see the ENTIRE REVOLUTION getting beaten down by these two main event legends. Yes I said MAIN EVENT LEGENDS, meaning only other MAIN EVENT LEGENDS can fight them because that’s how WCW works. Saturn finally backdrops Sid to the floor and Steiner bails.

Goldberg vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

From something nearly on top of a pay per view to main eventing a taped Thunder. Bigelow jumps him during the weapons check so Goldberg easily slams him down. We get some Zbyszko level stalling from Bam Bam on the floor before Goldberg catches a cross body attempt in midair. Goldberg just holds him there before a World’s Strongest Slam sets up a bad looking armbar.

The referee gets knocked down before Goldberg knocks Bigelow silly with a clothesline. Bigelow hammers away with offense that doesn’t require a referee bump. Goldberg no sells everything and hits the Bret Killer kick, drawing in Page. The referee, apparently in a coma by this point, is still down as Goldberg spears Bigelow down. Page bails to the floor as Goldberg Jackhammers Bam Bam for the pin.

Rating: D. The match wasn’t any good but Goldberg was showing the old fire from when he was World Champion. When he gets that power game going, he’s one of the most awesome guys you’ll ever see and he was knocking Bigelow silly out there. Page running in was pretty obvious, just like the fact that he’s going to get mauled on Sunday.

Page nails Goldberg with a chair but runs away to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. See, Thunder does offer a legitimate alternative to Nitro. While Nitro is a horrible show because it’s illogical and repetitive, Thunder is a horrible show because it’s incredibly boring and doesn’t have good matches. They really need to get to the Russo era so we can get something more interesting instead of just bad. Total waste of TV time here and I don’t want to see Fall Brawl.

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Monday Nitro #203
Date: August 30, 2015
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 10,605
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re two weeks away from Fall Brawl and I don’t think we’ve had any matches announced yet. What we do have though is Sid Vicious as the focal point of the company and Sting, Hogan and Goldberg suddenly as best friends against the combination of Sid and Rick Steiner. I keep thinking this show can’t get worse but they keep surprising me. Let’s get to it.

Disorderly Conduct vs. Dave Taylor/Steven Regal

Yes we’re starting with a match and just bring in Sid already. Mike jumps Regal to start but gets taken down by a drop toehold. It’s off to Taylor vs. Tom with Dave hooking a butterfly suplex….and here he comes.

Four powerbombs to Mike and Tom later and Sid is still ranting about being the Millennium Man.

Lenny and Lodi aren’t allowed in the building until Lenny reminds security that he’s the Cruiserweight Champion. It’s not funny or interesting when you watch it either.

Recap of last week’s major events.

Nitro Girls.

Time for a Sid discussion as Tony compares his streak to Goldberg’s. Goldberg won the US Title in his 75^th match, even though Sid is now up in the 80s. Thankfully that means they won’t be stupid enough to have him beat Benoit for the title or anything like that……right?

The Demon will be here later.

Here’s Luger to say he doesn’t buy Hogan’s turn around. Tonight he’ll show irrefutable evidence that Hogan is lying.

Berlyn arrives with security and his version of Lana.

Video on KISS and the Demon.

Scotty Riggs vs. Lash LeRoux

Riggs takes him up to the ropes and smacks Lash in the face as the mind warped fans want Sid. Scotty nails that great dropkick but gets monkey flipped over for his efforts. A jawbreaker and running knee keep Lash in trouble as it’s clear to see why neither of these guys went anywhere. Lash gets two off a sunset flip but takes a pair of clotheslines. Cue Vampiro and the Clowns to watch as Lash gets two more off a northern lights suplex, only to eat a Fameasser for the pin.

Rating: D-. So they interrupt Regal and Taylor after about two minutes but this match gets twice that long? Neither of these guys give me any reason to keep watching, which is exactly why they’re on in the unopposed hour designed to make people stick around when Raw comes on. WCW really needed some major roster cuts around this time to get rid of a bunch of these guys.

Vampiro says Riggs owes him something.

Here’s the Revolution, now with their own shirts. After a lame attempt to get the crowd to care from Shane, Saturn issues a challenge for the TV Title at Fall Brawl and Benoit issues an open challenge for the same show. I really don’t see this ending well for either guy.

Nitro Girls.

Kaz Hayashi vs. Lodi

Lenny’s Cruiserweight Title now has a bow and tassels. He also seems to have a thing for Kaz, which Lodi is totally cool with. Lodi accidentally clotheslines Lenny to the floor, allowing Kaz to botch a headscissors. A slingshot DDT looks far better and gets two with Lenny putting the foot on the ropes. With the match starting to go well, we get a split screen countdown clock for the Mayhem video game, which comes out in October. This will stay up for about half the match.

That earns him a big dive from Hayashi but Lodi gets up and dives onto both of them. Could this be, dare I say, a sign of things to come for Lodi? Back in and Lodi powerslams him for two but Kaz escapes a German suplex and scores with a quick brainbuster. Kaz goes up but Lenny crotches him down, setting up a middle rope bulldog for two more. Lenny comes in…..and gets small packaged for the pin? Sure why not.

Rating: C. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: they managed to job the Cruiserweight Champion in a match he wasn’t even in? Even WWE can’t pull off that kind of nonsense. The match was actually entertaining with Lodi more than keeping up with the high flier Hayashi. It would seem that Kaz is going to challenge for the title next. That’s fine based on his skills, but this is a pretty big downgrade from Kidman, Mysterio, Guerrera and Guerrero.

Lenny and Lodi lay Kaz out post match.

Here’s Hogan to a massive New York reaction. I’ll give the old WWF towns this: they’re the most loyal fans in the world. If you’re ever over there, you will be until the end of time. It was his son that made him believe in the power of Hulkamania again brother and he would NEVER stab Sting in the back. He can’t wait to see this proof from Luger, so he’ll be sitting in the back, eating fruit (his words) and waiting. Luger better not try to frame him either.

Hogan and Flair have new home videos. I only mention this because a piano starts playing, distracts them, and then stops abruptly.

La Parka/Blitzkrieg vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Eddie Guerrero

Eddie’s stoic look during Rey’s high energy entrance makes me chuckle. La Parka’s skeleton is red and he starts with Mysterio. First up though, it’s time to dance. Rey slaps La Parka in the face and sends him to the floor, bringing in Eddie to throw his partner to the floor for a tornado DDT. Blitzkrieg takes Eddie down and hits a rolling senton followed by a moonsault for two, only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for the same. Back to Mysterio for a Lionsault on Blitzkrieg before he pulls La Parka down by the mask. A chop puts Rey down and a Hart Attack with Blitzkrieg kicking Rey instead of clotheslining him gets two.

Vampiro and the Clowns come out again as heel miscommunication allows the hot tag to Eddie. Everything breaks down and Eddie hits a gorgeous top rope hurricanrana to Blitzkrieg. Blitzkrieg misses a handspring into a moonsault and gets caught on the top, allowing Eddie to launch Rey into another hurricanrana. Eddie tosses Rey over the top onto La Parka, setting up the Frog Splash to Blitzkrieg for the pin.

Rating: B. Really, really fun tag match here which somehow didn’t even make it four minutes. This continues the trend of letting talented high fliers get into the ring and jump around for a little while. That hurricanrana from Eddie was absolutely perfect and some of the high flying looked great. And somehow it’s all designed to get the Clowns over, because WCW.

Berlyn video, followed by Berlyn and his Lana (Uta Ludendorf), flanked by security. Through the interpreter, Berlyn brags about Germany being awesome and says his wrestling is art. Fan: “WE WANT ALEX WRIGHT!” It’s so loud that everyone in the ring looks over at him. A consortium of German businessmen have turned him into the perfect wrestler and his first victim is Buff Bagwell.

Buff represents everything bad about America and will be a good first victory. The interpreter acknowledges that Berlyn speaks English and has indeed been here before, but that language is beneath him. She forgets her line and says losing is…….it is not acceptable! She’s no Lana.

Fall Brawl video, featuring Savage, Nash, Hart and Steiner.

A banged up Luger comes out and says someone in red and yellow attacked him and went through his bags. No word on if the evidence was taken, or why Lex Luger is in a major storyline in 1999.

Tag Team Titles: Kendall Windham/Barry Windham vs. Prince Iaukea/Kenny Kaos

This would be the WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THEY THINKING AND WHERE IS THE REMOTE match of the week. Kendall takes Prince up to the ropes as Tony describes the champs as a new duo. That’s up there with Gorilla Monsoon calling Carlos Colon a youngster. Iaukea fires off a quick dropkick but eats a boot to the face. A jumping DDT knocks Prince silly and Kendall throws him outside. Back in and a knee drop retains the titles. No one ever made a tag.

Post match Barry says the champs have no competition, including Harlem Heat. This brings out Booker and Stevie for a lot of kicks, one leading to the referee counting a pin on Kendall. The Rednecks come out and beat down Harlem Heat, including hog tying Booker. The feud continues for some reason.

Here are Luger and Sting to present Lex’s evidence. The evidence is a picture of Hogan standing next to a white Hummer, proving that he was the one that tried to kill Nash. We’re still on that story??? Hogan comes out and says the obvious, that this doesn’t prove anything. Sting believes Luger and questions Hogan, but here’s DDP to nail Hogan before running off. Sting asks Hogan why he should believe him.

Nitro Girls.

Van Hammer vs. Buff Bagwell

The bell rings and that means it’s time to pose. Buff grabs an armdrag and we’ve got Germans. The distraction lets Hammer choke Bagwell (to be fair though, anything shiny, including Berlyn’s head, is going to distract him) but Buff scores with a hiptoss and clothesline. Buff goes up top and gets slammed down from the top by the neck. That’s quite the painful looking move. They head outside for a quick beating from Hammer before we hit the chinlock. Our hero hits Hammer low and gets two off a cross body, setting up the Blockbuster for the pin.

Rating: D. So let me make sure I have this straight: we’re supposed to care about a guy who used a Blockbuster to win a boxing match beating a guy who used to be a peace loving hippie to set up for his match against what might be a Neo Nazi and used to be a dancer. This is one of those stories that you don’t want to see, and then when you explain it, your head starts to hurt.

Clip of Nash being crushed by the Hummer, nearly three months ago.

Insane Clown Posse CD ad.

Mike Enos vs. Evan Karagias

For some reason Evan wears jeans to the ring and takes them off to wrestle. Evan scores with a pair of dropkicks to start and a third sends Enos to the floor where Karagias hits a fourth dropkick. His springboard dive is caught in midair though and Mike throws him over the shoulder to walk him up the steps and back into the ring. That kind of power display is always impressive. Granted it’s not as impressive as knowing how many seconds there are until Mayhem comes out.

The fans are begging Sid to come out and end this match. Well Enos was in the match when Hall jumped the railing to debut so why not have Sid do it here? Evan hammers away and gets countered into a big powerbomb followed by a powerslam. Mike picks him up off the cover though and hits a wicked piledriver. Good grief Vampiro and the Clowns are back. The Clowns distract the referee, allowing Vampiro to kick Mike in the head, giving Karagias the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t even that bad but my goodness I don’t want to see Vampiro and the Clowns any more. They’ve been out here three times now and we had to see them plug their CD. At the end of the day, they’re not wrestlers and they’re not driving the ratings through the roof, so why does WCW insist on driving them down our throats and give them all this TV time?

Vampiro gets in his face and says Evan owes him. Cue the Demon, who says this isn’t the time for Vampiro. Do they even know what this is supposed to mean?

Hugh Morrus/Brian Knobbs vs. Dean Malenko/Shane Douglas

Because this feud needs to keep going. Knobbs calls the Revolution a bunch of crybabies and you know it’s time for a fight. The First Family takes over and give Douglas the Pit Stop. Morrus and Knobbs hit running splashes in the corner until Dean comes in, presumably out of boredom. Everything breaks down and Malenko puts Brian in the Cloverleaf, only to have to deal with Jimmy Hart. Morrus and Knobbs take Dean down on the floor but Hugh misses No Laughing Matter to Douglas. Shane even dives off the top to take out all the heels but it winds up being a double countout.

Rating: D. WHY IS THE REVOLUTION FEUDING WITH THE FIRST FREAKING FAMILY??? You have the Windhams as the Tag Team Champions (which is an even bigger headscratcher) talking about how they have no competition, but Malenko and Douglas, one of the only face teams on the roster not names Harlem Heat, is busy going to double countouts with Brian Knobbs and Hugh Morrus. We could also have Mysterio and Guerrero challenge for the titles, but they’re busy fighting a pair of non-wrestler Clowns. The more I step back and look at this company, the more my head throbs.

They keep fighting to the back and I hope this doesn’t go on to Fall Brawl.

Gene brings out Hogan to continue this thrilling story about him standing next to a car at some point in his life. He mentions his son (who should never be allowed near a car) and promises to deal with Luger next week. Instead, he wants to deal with DDP calling him out every week. He’s right you know. Starting with this show, Page has…..actually he didn’t call him out as much as hit him from behind. Hogan is a liar. Anyway, Goldberg is supposed to face Page tonight but Hogan wants to take his place in the match. Goldberg comes out and suggests a handicap match, which Page comes out to accept. Another bait and switch.

TV Title: Disco Inferno vs. Rick Steiner

Before the match, Disco says he’s living la vida loca and is pretty fly for a white guy. Dang 1999 was a weird time. Rick comes out and decks Disco with a Steiner Line before ripping at his face. The German suplex sends Disco flying and the Steiner Bulldog ends this in a hurry.

Steiner puts on the armbar but Saturn runs out to superkick the champ to the floor.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Jerry Flynn

Jerry wants the champ to be checked for weapons but it’s a RUSE as he kicks Benoit in the head. Another kick is countered by the dragon screw leg whip because Benoit doesn’t put up with cheating. He drops Flynn over the top rope to send him outside, setting up a nice baseball slide. Jimmy Hart offers a distraction to keep earning his paycheck and Flynn kicks the champ’s knee to take over. He unleashes the kicks but Benoit avoids a big running boot in the corner and fires off chops. Benoit rolls some Germans but the First Family runs in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. So the Revolution vs. the First Family is more than just the tag feud? Great, the stupidity is spreading. Here’s the thing: you have three members of the First Family in action tonight and they all escape without getting pinned or submitting? Including to the United States Champion? How does this make me care about seeing them again? Am I supposed to care about Hugh Morrus, Brian Knobbs and Jerry Flynn? This company’s priorities are so screwed up.

The Revolution makes the save and Benoit challenges Sid for Fall Brawl. So much for the open challenge.

Goldberg/Hulk Hogan vs. Jersey Triad

Buffer does the intros and Kanyon does his usual schtick. Bigelow hammers Hogan down to start, like 1987 means nothing to him. Hulk comes back with right hands and the Triad is knocked to the floor. The fans want and get Goldberg, who gets to suplex Kanyon. A gorilla press into a World’s Strongest Slam crushes Kanyon again but a Bigelow distraction lets Page come in with a top rope clothesline.

Bigelow pounds away on his back as the Triad starts taking turns. Kanyon’s Russian legsweep into an elbow from Page is good for two, but Goldberg comes back with a double clothesline. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house as Tony acts like this has never been done before. Hogan boots and legdrops Bigelow for the pin as Page hits Goldberg with a chair and a Diamond Cutter. Goldberg pops up and Page is terrified.

Rating: D. Here’s the problem with this match: did it ever feel like Hogan or Goldberg couldn’t beat these three on their own? This was just a workout for Goldberg and Hogan before they can get on to something more important. It really shows the gap between the levels of competition as the main event scene is miles ahead of even former World Champions like Page. This was a glorified squash with Goldberg being nice enough to sell for about a minute.

We jump to the back where Sting is asking security if Hogan is in his locker room. My goodness I know Sting is seen as stupid at times but this is ridiculous. Anyway he goes into Hogan’s locker room to find Randy Savage and Gorgeous George to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. More than any other episode, this show was incredibly frustrating and showed that WCW doesn’t care about going forward as much as it cares about keeping the old guys happy. There are so many talented people locked in feuds designed to either keep them busy so they can’t move up the card (Revolution) or so they can babysit niche celebrities who want to wrestle (Eddie and Rey).

On the other side of the card, there’s the story of who was driving the Hummer and is Hogan really evil. That actually isn’t the worst story in the world and I’m kind of interested in seeing where it goes. The problem I have with it is how Lex Luger is the only person showing the slightest bit of common sense or continuity. Hogan has screwed over every major name on the roster at some point (the Fingerpoke of Doom and beatdown of Goldberg was less than eight months ago) and no one but Luger is questioning Hogan whatsoever. That’s hard to accept, at least so quickly.

Overall, the company is running out of gas and is dying for some fresh blood at the top. However, they’re content with Hogan, Goldberg (who is fresh enough), Sting, Steiner and Sid as their top names while the rest of the roster is shackled to whatever stupid stories they can come up with. It’s very clear that Benoit is going to drop the US Title to Sid, because Benoit’s push was clearly just until WCW could find a way to get the title back into the main event talent’s hands so they could “draw” with it. You can see the future coming from here and it’s terrifying.

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