Smackdown – May 27, 2004: Consider Ted DiBiase

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 27, 2004
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re in for another edition of the Eddie Guerrero Show this week and while that doesn’t sound like the worst concept in the world, it might be a little weaker when Eddie passed out to end last week’s show. In other words, expect more of JBL talking about how he should be champion and droning on for far too long. Oh and Booker T. looking bored out of his mind out there. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Eddie’s collapse last week.

Kurt Angle is in the back and says that Eddie Guerrero is allowed to be wrestle tonight, but EMT’s will be waiting for him to pass out again.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Dudley Boyz

Yes AGAIN. They really don’t have anything else they could be doing? Bubba shoves Rey down to start and seems annoyed at having to do so. Rey takes him down with a flying mare so Bubba tosses him into the other corner with ease. The armbar goes on so Rey climbs the ropes into a wristdrag to leave Bubba all confuzzled. Van Dam and D-Von come in, meaning it’s time for some kicks to the face and a standing moonsault. I’ll let you figure out who did what.

Rey comes back in with a springboard hurricanrana (which looked like it was supposed to be the seated senton but D-Von didn’t go down) but Bubba dives in and takes Rey’s knee out to break up the 619. The fans boo the heck out of that and here’s Paul Heyman through the crowd as we take a break. Back with Rey in trouble and Heyman sitting in the front row. Bubba misses a sitdown splash but it’s not bad enough for Rey to get over for the tag.

The Dudleys start taking turns on the leg but an enziguri gets Rey out of trouble. A springboard moonsault press drops D-Von so Bubba comes in for an elbow to keep Rey down. Since Van Dam isn’t into that whole helping your partner thing, Rey has to avoid a splash from D-Von and spinwheel kick Bubba to make the hot tag.

Van Dam starts in with the kicks and a top rope version gets two on D-Von. A Rolling Thunder/springboard legdrop combination gets the same with Bubba having to make a save. There’s the 619 to D-Von but Heyman jumps the barricade and breaks up the West Coast Pop. Bubba drops Rey onto the announcers’ table and D-Von steals the pin.

Rating: C. Long and watchable match here but I’m sick of seeing these teams fight. I’m not sure why the announcers acted like Heyman supporting the Dudleys was a big deal when he’s been doing that for weeks now but I don’t get a lot of what Smackdown does. I’m sure this makes Bubba and D-Von perfectly fine after all these losses, because fans want to see the Dudleys as major heels.

The Dudleys leave with Heyman.

Post break the Dudleys celebrate and let Heyman into their locker room. Heyman slaps D-Von and tries to do the same to Bubba but gets his arm grabbed. Why are they happy with just winning a match? Beating Eddie Guerrero didn’t get them a title shot or a pay per view main event. All they got was another win and that doesn’t get them anywhere. Tonight, they need to pick a victim and make an impact or he’ll have someone make an impact on them. Egads we’re really supposed to care about the Dudley Boys?

Cole brings out JBL for a chat. We look back at the chair shot at Judgment Day and Eddie collapsing later in the week so JBL could pin him. Cole mentions that some people don’t think that was very manly of JBL so we get the big tough guy voice to send Cole back to commentary. We hear the same JBL speech that he’s made for the last month and a half with shots at Eddie for not being a man. Last week Eddie was laying down so he didn’t have to take another beating.

What JBL is going to do to him next time will be nearly criminal but let’s stop to yell at the fans for chanting EDDIE. See, at Judgment Day, Eddie got disqualified because he knew he was beat. The beating will be even better at the Great American Bash because it’s JBL’s rules. This was way too long with JBL saying the same stuff he’s always said and droning on about how great he is. In other words: everything that has been wrong with him since this run started.

Compare him to Ted DiBiase for a minute. Above all else, DiBiase played it so much more over the top instead of serious. When JBL talks about having a stock portfolio and a business radio show, it feels too real. DiBiase never really explained where his money came from (and he certainly didn’t say it over and over week after week). He was just the rich guy who never ran out of money and did whatever he wanted because that’s what he did. You didn’t need an explanation of why he was who he is. The character spoke for itself and he did ridiculous things to show off his wealth (the laugh alone was a good chunk of it).

With JBL, it’s a guy who has money and brags about it, but he does it so boringly that it’s not something I care to see. It also doesn’t help that he spent all those years as a bar fighter and now he’s supposed to be something totally different. It’s not working and you can feel the energy go out of the room when he starts talking. I don’t really want to see him lose because I don’t like him. I want to see him lose so he’s not featured anymore. Those are two very different things and one of them isn’t good.

Booker T. vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Scotty sends him into the corner a few times to start but gets kicked in the face. Booker shrugs off a comeback attempt and finishes with the ax kick in a hurry.

Post match Booker says he wants another shot at the Undertaker next week. The lights go out and come back up blue, followed by lightning hitting the posts. Booker: “Alright. So you are a little scary.” Next week, he’ll shock the world.

Mordecai promises to make sinners pay for their sins. His crusade has just begun.

Danny Basham vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title with EMT’s on standby, until Eddie breaks the stretcher and sends them away because he doesn’t need that. The Bashams are cleared out but here’s Angle to say he’s legally responsible for everyone here. Eddie was going to fake another injury and then sue Smackdown, so he’s off until he signs a release saying Angle and Smackdown aren’t at fault. Danny tries a cheap shot and gets sent outside again. No match.

Torrie Wilson/Spike Dudley vs. Jamie Noble/Dawn Marie

I wonder if there will be any mention of Torrie sleeping with both of her opponents. Noble is in trunks for a change. The guys start things off with Spike working on the arm but Jamie sends him throat first into the ropes. A glare sends Torrie out to the floor so Spike headbutts Jamie in the ribs. It’s off to the women and the wolf whistles begin. Torrie dropkicks her down for two so Jamie gets in a knee to the back to cut her off.

An X Factor gives Dawn two and the chinlock goes on. Torrie’s jawbreaker allows the hot tag to Spike and a top rope double stomp gets two on Jamie. Everything breaks down and Jamie goes after Torrie, allowing Spike to hit the Dudley Dog on Jamie, dropping her onto Dawn for the pin.

Rating: D+. This….wasn’t horrible. Maybe it was limiting the women’s interactions or just a harder effort but that’s one of the better of these matches I’ve seen in a good while. The wrestling was passable as Jamie and Spike are usually good for at least a decent match and with Torrie and Dawn only in there for a few minutes, it wasn’t the worst in the world.

Kenzo Suzuki is still coming. Get here already so you can leave.

Rico and Charlie Haas preview Jackie Gayda’s bikini for next week’s contest, though we only see part of it. Charlie almost drools but Rico criticizes the look, telling her to go try on the other one. As she goes to change, Rico shows off his rather revealing gear of his own. Haas is disgusted….because it doesn’t compliment the complexion of his skin. Rico goes to try on his other one and Charlie tries to figure out what he’s doing.

John Cena comes in to see Angle, who isn’t happy about a meeting Cena had with the board of directors. The gist of the whole thing: the military can see the Great American Bash for free and Cena beat Angle to the idea. Angle yells at him for a bonus because he’s waited months for Cena to lose that title. He’ll even cheer for a Frenchman from ringside tonight.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. goes into Chavo Classic’s office but gets yelled at for not knocking. Classic wants Jr. to introduce him.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Classic vs. Akio

Akio is challenging and Jr. has to introduce his dad, who comes out in an old school robe. During Akio’s entrance, we see Mordecai destroying him last week. And you wonder why they’re relying on Jacqueline and Chavo Guerrero Sr. instead of their young stars. Classic takes him down and drives an elbow into the face but Akio speeds things up with a leg lariat.

His neck is too damages to follow up but he’s finally fine enough for a corkscrew moonsault. Jr. grabs the referee though, allowing Classic to kick out after a delayed two. Classic sends Akio outside and distracts the referee as well, allowing Chavo to hit a tornado DDT on the floor so Classic can retain the title.

Post match the Chavos argue over the belt a bit.

Raw Rebound.

The Dudleys kidnap someone named Paul and slam the trunk of a car on his ankle. We can’t see who it is but they throw him in the trunk and drive away. The Urn is left in the parking lot and Heyman picks it up. Cole: “The Dudleys kidnapped Paul Bearer!” Cole is really good at stating the obvious.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending in a lumberjack match with Angle watching on a platform draped with American flags. A rollup gives Cena a very early two and it’s already a standoff. Dupree takes him down by the waist as the fans start the required USA chant. That drives Cena to grab a hammerlock, which goes nowhere. Instead it’s a hard shoulder so Dupree thinks about rolling outside but thinks better of the idea.

We come back with Dupree cranking on the neck and driving an elbow into it for two. More neck cranking fires Cena up so it’s a running clothesline to cut him back down. Cena’s next comeback is cut off by Booker T. pulling the top rope down so the next beating can ensue. Dupree adds a backbreaker and a middle rope elbow for two. Cena gets sent outside again and this time it’s Booker getting in some extra shots to give Rene two. A spinebuster sets up the French Tickler but Cena backdrops out of a powerbomb. Right hands have Dupree in trouble and Booker screaming NO. The FU retains the title.

Rating: C+. It’s not as good as their previous matches but at least they had the good ending that made things a little bit better. Cena finishes off his first feud with a win and the fans are very pleased with the victory. Dupree has been an actual surprise during this feud as you would have expected him to be a one off victory for Cena but he held up his own end of the feud, which is something you can always use.

The good guys put Cena on their shoulders in a pretty big overreaction to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I’d hesitate to say that this show was better but it was at least less bad. The JBL involvement was limited to a single promo and while the Dudleys going after Undertaker makes you say “seriously?”, they had a good opening match and the rest of the stuff was pretty quick. They still need better heels, but focusing on Cena for a week was a nice change of pace as the Eddie vs. JBL feud isn’t doing anyone any favors. Not a terrible show, but it was better than recent weeks. Granted, that’s not the highest hurdle to clear.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – October 23, 2018: Happy Birthday Wife Edition

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 23, 2018
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Corey Graves, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

It’s the go home show for Evolution and one of the last shows before Crown Jewel, which may or may not still take place in Saudi Arabia. The big match this week is a rematch of last week’s 1000^th episode as AJ Styles and Daniel Bryan team up to face the Usos. Other than that, expect a lot of not saying where next week’s show will be taking place. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here’s New Day to open things up, with Big E. saying “don’t you dare be shower.” I guess Newark is a bathtub town. New Day talks about losing their Tag Team Titles and that lowered the bar. What Kofi doesn’t get is the Big Show involvement though. He helped them, so is he the Bar tender? Big Show has flipped more times than a flapjack so tonight Kofi wants some payback. Well here we go.

Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus

Show and Cesaro are at ringside too….and hang on a second as we have a change of pace.

Kofi Kingston vs. Cesaro

Or not again.

Kofi Kingston vs. Big Show

Show throws him around to start and hits a trio of chokeslams. The fourth is loaded up but New Day and the Bar come in for the no contest at 1:30.

Post match New Day gets wrecked with a chokeslam to Big E. and a KO to Woods.

We see the Roman Reigns announcement from last night.

The fans give him a THANK YOU ROMAN chant.

Usos vs. AJ Styles/Daniel Bryan

Rematch from last week. Bryan headlocks Jimmy to start but a blind tag brings in Jey, who is clotheslined to the floor. AJ knocks Jimmy out and there are the stereo dives to drop the Usos again. Back from a break with Bryan fighting out of a chinlock until they both hit crossbodies for a double knockdown. The hot tag brings in AJ and everything breaks down. Jey gets caught in the Calf Crusher but Jimmy makes a save. The Phenomenal Forearm almost hits Bryan but AJ pulls up at the last second. Instead though, the Pele hits Bryan, allowing Jey to hit a superkick into the Superfly Splash to finish AJ at 7:46.

Rating: C. I’m liking the story they have here and it’s about as good of an idea as you can have to set up the title match in Saudi Arabia. They don’t have anything personal between them so building something up makes as much sense as anything else. Also, it’s not like they’re losing to some thrown together team as the Usos are one of the best and most successful teams of this era. Now just let us get something new for the Usos.

Video on the Bella Twins turning on Ronda Rousey.

Post break AJ says it was an accident but Bryan accuses his nose of growing. Eventually it turns into the Too Sweet sign.

On Saturday, Charlotte was giving a speech at the Performance Center, talking about respect. She talked about how she’s grown up in the last few months and being ready for the first Last Woman Standing match when Becky Lynch came in. Becky is the one they should really be listening to and the fight was on. The rookies break it up.

Backstage, Charlotte is near tears as she talks about Becky going over the line at the Performance Center. At Evolution, she’ll win the title back and be standing over both an opponent and a friend who lost her way.

Rusev vs. Aiden English

Aiden sings about how Lana could have had a long Aiden Night instead of a Rusev Day. The chase is on and Aiden is thrown into a variety of things. Back in and Aiden hits a swinging neckbreaker but stops to yell at Lana. That means a Machka Kick and the Accolade for the tap at 1:24.

Here’s Miz for MizTV. Miz talks about the World Cup and how he’s ready to become the best in the world. That brings him to his guest this week: the man who defeated Shinsuke Nakamura last week, Rey Mysterio. Miz accuses him of being stuck in the 90s because people are no longer interested in the plucky underdog. It’s all about the bigger stars like him, who has been here becoming a must see man while Mysterio has been on hiatus.

Miz will be winning the Smackdown bracket and then the rest of the tournament while Mysterio is disappointed. Mysterio already is disappointed because he was supposed to be on TruthTV. Miz talks about how that show was canceled but Mysterio wants to fight now. That earns him a cheap shot but Rey fights back and almost hits the 619.

The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

Joined in progress with Rey speeding things up and running Miz over without much effort. A missed charge in the corner lets Miz get in a few shots of his own but he has to avoid the 619. Miz gets two off the short DDT and we take a break. Back with Miz hitting the YES Kicks and taking Rey up for a super Skull Crushing Finale. That’s reversed into a super victory roll and the springboard seated senton has Miz in more trouble. The Reality Check gives Miz two but the Skull Crushing Finale is broken up. Rey hits a quick 619 into the springboard splash for the pin at 9:05.

Rating: C. Mysterio was looking better here and while I’m not interested at all in the World Cup, it’s nice to have the field be as stacked as it currently is. Let us see what these people can do when they’re given the chance, which will hopefully be in front of a crowd that actually cares this time around.

Asuka/Naomi vs. Mandy Rose/Sonya Deville

Evolution rundown.

Here’s Shane McMahon for a chat about the World Cup. He applauds everyone at Evolution before moving on to the World Cup. On the words Best in the World, the CM Punk chants begin with Shane saying he’s not in the tournament. Shane thinks someone from Smackdown will win and we hear the entrants involved. With that said, it’s main event time. Were they running two minutes short or something?

Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy

This is billed as their first match in a month. Jeff kicks away to start but gets sent outside for a ram into the steps. Back in and a chinlock sets up one of the weakest chinlocks I can ever remember to keep Jeff down. Orton ties him in the Tree of Woe for some kicks to the chest and the pulling of the ear, followed by a drop onto the announcers’ table.

Jeff fights up and hits the legdrop between the legs for two, followed by the Whisper in the Wind for the same. The Twisting Stunner connects but Orton rolls away before the Swanton. Instead Hardy misses one to the floor and gets brought back inside for the RKO to give Orton the pin at 8:48.

Rating: D+. I just can’t get into this whole World Cup thing. Maybe it’s the leftover feelings from how worthless the Greatest Royal Rumble was, but these things just feel so unimportant and so boring that it’s crippling any show it’s on. At least with Raw there’s the slightly amusing Angle vs. Corbin feud, but on here it’s just two guys having a match that isn’t likely to have anything to do with the tournament itself. That’s a very Money in the Bank style feeling and I could go without it.

Overall Rating: D. This show wasn’t bad, but it was lifeless and that’s even worse. There’s no hiding the fact that Crown Jewel isn’t something people want to see and while the build for Evolution has been better, it’s still not exactly an interesting show. Hopefully once Crown Jewel is over, they cut out this promoting multiple shows at the same time nonsense. It hasn’t worked, but there’s a chance that it’s just trying to promote these specific shows more than anything else.

Results

Kofi Kingston vs. Big Show went to a no contest when New Day and the Bar interfered

Usos b. AJ Styles/Daniel Bryan – Superfly Splash to Styles

Rusev b. Aiden English – Accolade

Rey Mysterio b. The Miz – Springboard splash

Randy Orton b. Jeff Hardy – RKO

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – May 20, 2004: Someone Help Him

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 20, 2004
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Here are Sunday’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie, in what looks to be a card from the 1930s, though of course with hydraulics included. He’s also got a duffle bag for a bonus. The fans are very glad to see him and…..OH MY GOODNESS THAT’S THE CUT ON HIS HEAD!!! I thought that was his hair being out of place because that’s the longest cut I’ve ever seen on a wrestler. Or on almost anyone for that matter.

Eddie says he was hurt on Sunday but he’s feeling better now that he’s in Las Vegas. JBL may have taken his blood on Sunday but Eddie is still WWE Champion. He’s also got a souvenir in the bag and it’s JBL’s cowboy hat, which is covered in his blood. Since that’s his blood, Eddie figures it’s not his hat and he can do whatever he wants with it. Eddie even has a stock tip for JBL. He should invest in bandages because tonight, they’re having a fight and it’s JBL’s turn to bleed.

Cue JBL, who is bandaged up as well. JBL makes sure he has it clear: he can have another title match tonight? Eddie: “Did you get too much blood in your ear holmes?” JBL says no and brags about winning on Sunday, so fighting Eddie again tonight is an unnecessary gamble. He didn’t become a millionaire by gambling because that’s how lazy people look for a quick buck.

Instead, Eddie needs to come down the aisle and hand over that WWE Championship. Eddie says he’ll hand JBL a beating but here’s Kurt Angle to cut them off. Kurt: “Well it’s official. Everybody has lost their minds.” Eddie isn’t allowed to make matches around here and he’s certainly not getting a rematch with JBL because he just wants to get himself disqualified again. JBL isn’t getting the title either, but tonight we’ll have JBL and the Dudleys vs. Eddie, Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam in a six man tag.

Rico/Charlie Haas vs. FBI

Non-title and it’s Nunzio/Johnny Stamboli for the Italians. Rico is the hometown boy and Jackie is….well my goodness and we’ll leave it at that. Charlie and Johnny start things off and Rico offers a quick spank from the apron. Apparently not a fan, Johnny press slams him but gets rolled up for two instead. Rico comes in legally and takes Johnny down into an armbar, complete with a little wiggling. It’s off to Nunzio, who comes in and gets spanked for his efforts.

Rico does it again so Nunzio takes him down and rams Rico’s head into the mat a few times. The FBI manages to screw up their advantage as Johnny can’t hit a clothesline even while Nunzio has Rico’s foot. Instead it’s the hot tag to Charlie to start cleaning house. Jackie grabs Nunzio’s foot so he tries to kiss her but gets Rico instead. In his search for mouthwash, Nunzio gets German suplexed for the pin.

Rating: D. It takes a lot to have Rico and Charlie seem lifeless but the FBI pulled it off. This wasn’t interesting or fun and you can tell the team is starting to run out of gas. That being said, there was no reason to believe Rico and Haas were going to be around for very long so you can probably bet on them losing the titles soon. This was pretty bad, though maybe it was just the FBI.

Stills of Chavo Guerrero Jr. regaining the Cruiserweight Title.

Tonight, Chavo defends the Cruiserweight Title against Spike Dudley and his father. Chavo Classic says he might win but Chavo doesn’t want to hear it because this is his time. So tell me: why couldn’t Spike have done the exact same story that Jacqueline did? How is it that much different?

Billy Kidman vs. Akio

The bell rings but here’s Mordecai, with the full entrance, to wreck them both instead. Fair enough, as the match didn’t exactly sound thrilling.

JBL gets his head examined and tells the doctor to not believe anything Eddie tells him. Wouldn’t that likely be the same doctor who stitched Eddie up in the first place? Eh just give him a z-pak and he’ll be fine.

US Title: Rene Dupree vs. John Cena

Cena is defending in a rematch from Sunday where he beat Dupree. They lock up to start with Cena throwing him off and Rene isn’t sure what to do. A shoulder works a bit better for Dupree but Cena is right back up with a slam for two. Cena slaps on a rare chinlock before stereo crossbodies put both guys down.

Back from a break with Cena going shoulder first into the post and falling to the floor. Dupree starts in on the shoulder and takes him down by the arm for two. The Fujiwara armbar goes on and it’s a long crawl for Cena to make the ropes. A regular armbar keeps the arm in trouble but Cena fights up with some backdrops.

Cena uses the good arm to pound away at Dupree’s face and they fight to the floor. Dupree can’t powerbomb him on the floor so Cena hits another backdrop and heads back inside. They go back out almost immediately (pick something already) and Dupree grabs the French flag. Cena takes it away and breaks it over his knee but Dupree kicks him low and wins via countout.

Rating: D+. It was worse than their pay per view match and that’s not a good sign given the extra time. There wasn’t the same level of efforts here and that showed badly this time around. I’m still not sure how many people buy Dupree as a challenger to the title but it’s not like Cena has anyone else to fight. I mean, Booker T. is busy jobbing to Undertaker, so who else is there already on that level?

Post match Dupree lays him out again and busts out the French Tickler, which is a great name for such an obnoxious dance.

We see/hear the chair shot to Eddie’s head on Sunday. Thankfully we don’t see the crazy gory blade job up close again.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Chavo Classic vs. Spike Dudley

Chavo Jr. is defending. Spike gets double teamed to start, which even the announcers knew was coming. Classic gets sent outside though and Spike stomps away in the corner. The double teaming picks up again though until Jr. is fine enough to look at the crowd while his dad does the work. Classic tries a rollup on Spike for two but Jr. misses a splash in the corner. A high crossbody takes down both Guerreros and there’s the Dudley Dog to Jr. Classic comes back in and collides with Spike though, only to call on Jr. to win the title.

Rating: D. Nothing match of course and the “shock value” of the ending doesn’t exactly earn them a lot of points. The title takes another hit here as it goes into its fourth reign in two weeks, all in the name of “comedy”. It would have been easier to accept this without the Jacqueline reign but two joke wins in two weeks is too much to take.

Jr. is rightfully furious at his dad, who is too busy celebrating.

Raw ReBound of another good show.

Funaki interviews Booker T., who doesn’t want to hear this nonsense about being afraid of Undertaker. See, Undertaker cheated at Judgment Day because Paul Bearer must have switched the magic bag. Since Undertaker isn’t here tonight, Booker can have any match he wants. Maybe the WWE Title? Or the US Title? Nah he’ll beat up Funaki instead, so Funaki punches him and runs off.

Booker T. vs. Funaki

Booker pounds away to start so Funaki dropkicks the knee out to set up a bulldog. That just earns him a superkick as Booker isn’t having any of this tonight. The fans chant for Undertaker as Booker scores with a side slam, only to run into a boot in the corner. Another shot to the face busts Funaki’s nose open and we hit the chinlock. Booker gets bored with that and finishes with the ax kick.

Rating: D-. Was there any reason for this match to go on this long? The match was pretty much a squash and went on for the better part of five minutes. I mean….it’s Funaki, who is barely even a wrestler anymore. It also doesn’t help that Booker looks bored out of his mind at the moment, but if this is the best they have for him, is it that surprising?

Next week: Cena vs. Dupree for the title in a lumberjack match.

JBL has attacked Eddie, who is unconscious.

Kenzo Suzuki is still coming.

John Bradshaw Layfield/Dudley Boyz vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam

There’s no Eddie to start, likely because he’s still recovering from losing that much blood. Here’s Angle to say Eddie can’t wrestle and since Angle can win a gold medal with a BROKEN FREAKIN NECK, Eddie can join in on the match when he gets up from his siesta. D-Von and Rey start but Bubba comes in and jumps him from behind, which is the same as a tag it seems.

JBL comes in and stomps away but Rey kicks at the legs and then the face to build some momentum. The sitout bulldog drops D-Von and it’s off to D-Von, who gets taken down by a JBL neck snap across the ropes. Some swinging neckbreakers keep Rob in trouble as the fans think Bradshaw sucks. The slow paced beatdown continues with JBL hitting a shoulder and elbow drop for two. Rob gets in a springboard kick to the face and there’s the hot tag to Rey.

A headscissors into a dropkick lets Rey Drop the Dime for two as everything breaks down. Van Dam flip dives onto both Dudleys and Rey hurricanranas JBL into the 619. The Five Star connects but Ray pulls Mysterio out as we take a break. Back with Mysterio in trouble thanks to a 3D on the floor to Van Dam. Rey hits a springboard into a reverse DDT but Bubba goes over to Rey’s corner in a clever idea.

D-Von hits a delayed vertical suplex (he’s stronger than you might think) and it’s back to JBL for more of that great offense. The abdominal stretch goes on but here’s Eddie, who can barely walk down the aisle. Eddie is so livid that he stands on the apron while JBL is smart enough to not let go of the hold. Of all people, JBL is smart enough to figure that out?

Rey gets in a dropkick but Bubba isn’t about to allow the hot tag. A little too much trash talk allows Rey to get his feet up in the corner and there’s the tag to Eddie. Right hands and Three Amigos have the Dudleys down but Eddie collapses. His eyes are open as everyone stops doing anything, so JBL again gets smart by stealing the pin.

Rating: C+. Well we certainly know the power of the 3D on the floor as Van Dam disappeared after taking it. The ending was fine enough as Eddie keeps fighting but is trying to do too much and collapsing under the pressure as his body gives out. The others are just kind of there, as you could put the titles on the Dudleys but who are supposed to challenge them? The lack of star power is killing this show and it’s becoming more obvious every week.

Medics check on Eddie to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The main event was ok but my goodness the rest of the show is such a disaster. The wrestling is uninspired, the stories aren’t interesting and the new stars aren’t exactly clicking (What does it say when Rene Dupree is one of the top prospects?). It’s just a dark time for the show and it seems to be getting even worse as the weeks go by. Eddie is doing as much as he can to carry this show on his back and it’s clearly not working. That’s not on Eddie, who can only do so much with so little around him.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event – October 18, 2018: It’s Gotta Be The Hair

IMG Credit: WWE

Main Event
Date: October 18, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Vic Joseph, Percy Watson, Nigel McGuinness

This is an interesting week as Raw was a run of the mill show but Smackdown reached one of the biggest milestones you can achieve. Now in theory that should mean that Smackdown gets some more time on this show over Raw, but stranger things have happened around here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Rhyno vs. Konnor

They start with the power struggle and an exchange of chops goes nowhere. A short arm clothesline gives Konnor one and the front facelock goes on. Back up and a collision puts both guys down again but it’s Rhyno up first with a flying shoulder. Konnor kicks him in the face for two but misses a big elbow. Rhyno can’t hit a powerslam though and it’s an STO to give Konnor the pin at 5:12.

Rating: D+. I get that they’re trying to rehabilitate the Ascension a little bit and that’s a fine idea. The problem is that it’s not a practical one. You can’t have a team be that worthless for so many years and then just have them start winning without some kind of change. Maybe it’s a face turn, maybe it’s a gimmick overhaul or maybe it’s something else, but the fans aren’t going to buy them suddenly winning matches after being so pathetic for so long.

Quick look at the opening to Smackdown 1000 and the Evolution reunion.

Video on the Bella Twins turning on Ronda Rousey.

From Raw.

Here’s Rousey to say that the Bellas at least owe her an explanation. Cue the Bellas with Nikki saying the people paid to see them and not her. They don’t owe her an explanation because this is show business and not show friends. Ronda disrespected them and disregarded everything the two of them have done for this business. It disgusts them to see Rousey as the face of the women’s revolution because Nikki deserves to be champion.

They made the term Divas mean something and children look up to her. If that’s the case, the future of America is worse than I thought. The Women’s Title wouldn’t exist without the Divas Title. What is she going to do? Try to break their arms? Fans: “YES! YES! YES!” Ronda says she tried and thought they were friends, but now she knows they’re just a pair of do nothing Bellas.

They were there because of the men they were with and at Evolution, their arms are coming off. The only thing that is going to stop her is a referee and that hasn’t gone well in the past. Brie says the two of them have knocked down more doors in a week than Rousey ever has.

Rousey lists off the places she’s dominated before getting in the line of the promo with “the only door you ever broke down was to John Cena’s bedroom.” BIG gasp on that one. Rousey wants to fight now but Nikki just does her dance as security comes out to get rid of Ronda. They get taken down as well and Ronda calls the Bellas (now gone) out here again.

This was REALLY bad (save for that Cena line) with terrible delivery of awful lines and a story that no one with a brain is going to accept as realistic. Everyone came off looking worse here and it went on a good ten minutes longer than necessary. But hey, I’m sure TMZ will be talking about it.

From Smackdown.

Here’s Edge (with Tony Chimel doing his intro for old times sake), with the shoulder length hair again, for the Cutting Edge. This has always felt like his show because this is where some of his greatest achievements took place. He cashed in Money in the Bank on the Undertaker and had a No DQ match against Eddie Guerrero that people still talk to him about to this day. He even married and divorced Vickie Guerrero. However, he’s been watching the show for the last few weeks and now he needs to be Smackdown’s moral compass.

Therefore, his first guest is Becky Lynch, who Edge sees a lot of himself in. Becky says she modeled her career after him so that means a lot. Edge talks about not being someone who was supposed to succeed and having to scratch and claw their way to the top, just like Becky. The thing is though, Becky didn’t make the right choice.

If there was a friendship that got in Edge’s way, he crushed it, leaving a trail of burnt bridges. That’s not the right way, no matter how many titles you win. The path that Becky is on will lead to her sitting alone, looking at all of her titles on the wall, by herself. The bigger problem is she won’t even like herself.

Becky says it’s true that she doesn’t like herself because she loves herself. She tells Edge to get out of the champ’s ring and make sure you don’t hurt your neck again going through the ropes. Cue Charlotte to say that it’s not cool to go there. The fight is on with agents and referees having to break it up in short order.

Also from Smackdown.

World Cup Of Wrestling Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Non-title. This is Rey’s first singles match for WWE in four and a half years. Nakamura takes him down to start and drops a knee for an early one. A front facelock has Rey in some more trouble but he’s right back out with a headscissors. Rey knocks him outside for the sliding splash underneath the bottom rope. Back in and Rey gets caught in the Tree of Woe and we take a break.

We come back with Rey hitting a top rope seated senton and a top rope hurricanrana getting two. Nakamura kicks him in the head but misses Kinshasa, allowing Rey to headscissor him again. After Nakamura crawls over to the ropes, it’s a 619 into the springboard frog splash for the pin at 10:10.

Rating: C-. This was watchable enough but some of the spots weren’t exactly hitting and Nakamura was his usually uninspired self. Mysterio looked good in spots but it certainly wasn’t a match that would make you thrilled to see him back. It’s more like he’s lost some weight and come back after not being around for a bit. I’m glad he’s back, but it wasn’t exactly anything major.

For a change, here’s something from Smackdown.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. The Bar

New Day is defending and since they’re wrestling, Booker T. and Jerry Lawler are running New Day’s commentary booth. Woods headscissors Sheamus down for a basement dropkick and an early near fall as we cut to Lawler and Booker for more analysis than the regular team gives in a week. Cesaro takes over on the arm and it’s off to Sheamus for a double elbow as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus missing a charge into the corner and the hot tag off to Big E. Cesaro comes in as well and gets Rock Bottomed out of the corner, landing on his head. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick and gets speared through the ropes, leaving Woods to hit a Shining Wizard for two on Cesaro. Back in and the Midnight Hour is broken up but Cesaro makes a blind tag. Big E. hits the Big Ending on Sheamus but gets Neutralized for two with Woods making the save as we take a second break in less than seven minutes.

Back again with Big E. missing a charge and getting caught in a powerbomb/top rope clothesline combination for two with Kofi Kingston breaking up the cover due to feet on the ropes. The Bar loads up the announcers’ table but here’s Big Show to chokeslam Kofi through it instead, leaving Sheamus to Brogue Kick Big E. for the pin and the titles at 13:38.

Rating: C. This was the Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff “do something to make it memorable” title change and that’s fine. The tag division means nothing on this show so switching the titles doesn’t change a thing anyway. Hopefully the Usos can get back in there now as they’re more than overdue to be in the title scene again.

From Raw.

We go to the bowels of some building where Undertaker and Kane talk about the lack of respect. Michaels didn’t stay in the shadows out of respect but out of fear. They will unleash everything on DX for the first time ever and all of Shawn’s fears will be realized. HHH can crawl back to the board room and Shawn can hide in retirement. DX had three words for them, so they have three words for DX: Rest In Peace.

Zack Ryder/No Way Jose vs. Revival

Jose even has the full conga line with him. Dawson and Jose start and that means some dancing. Some arm cranking has Dawson in trouble and it’s off to Ryder for all of ten seconds. Wilder comes in and gets punched down but Dawson offers a distraction so Wilder can pull Jose down by the afro. To be fair it’s kind of Jose’s fault for having such large hair. Back from a break with Jose still in trouble as Wilder slaps on a chinlock.

Dawson comes back in and drops a knee for two but Jose elbows him in the face. The hot tag brings in Ryder to clean house and he slips out of a double suplex into a double neckbreaker. Revival heads to the floor and gets dropkicked, leaving Jose to high crossbody Wilder for two. Dawson makes a blind tag though and it’s the Shatter Machine for the pin on Jose at 9:58.

From Raw again.

Shield vs. Drew McIntyre/Dolph Ziggler/Braun Strowman

Shield does their entrance through the crowd after using the stage earlier. Strowman tells Ziggler to start the match and show him something so it’s Dolph vs. Rollins to get things going. Ziggler takes him down with a headlock, saying he could do this all day. Ambrose and Rollins have an accidental collision and the ensuing argument lets Strowman run everyone over. Reigns gets dropped as well and we take a break.

Back with McIntyre still in control of Reigns and Ziggler coming in for the chinlock. Reigns shrugs him off but it’s McIntyre coming in and taking a clothesline. Strowman cuts him off with a corner splash, only to have McIntyre tag himself in and stomp away. That’s not cool with Strowman, who tags himself in and yells at McIntyre a bit. A missed charge in the corner lets Reigns muscle him up for the Samoan drop (not as effective since we saw the same spot earlier in the night) but McIntyre and Ziggler knock Rollins and Ambrose to the floor.

The Claymore/Zig Zag combination gets two with Rollins and Ambrose making the save. The hot tag brings in Rollins, who clotheslines McIntyre and tags Ambrose in to start cleaning house. Strowman blocks the double suicide dives but Reigns comes off the apron with the Superman Punch. Back in and Dean rolls McIntyre up for two with Ziggler making the save. Dirty Deeds hits McIntyre but the referee takes forever to cover, allowing Ziggler to shove Rollins into the cover for the break.

That means another fight and Ambrose tries Dirty Deeds but Rollins shoves him away. Ziggler shoves them together and gets two off the Zig Zag on Ambrose. Reigns breaks up the Claymore/Zig Zag combination and Strowman goes shoulder first into the post. McIntyre Claymores Strowman by mistake (he seemed to miss but they moved the camera just in time to cover it) and a spear cuts McIntyre down. The TripleBomb finishes Ziggler at 14:34.

Rating: C+. This was nowhere near what they did last week and that’s probably because it’s the third time this match has taken place in about ten days. Ambrose and Rollins’ issues can take a backseat for another week, but it’s pretty clear that this isn’t over yet. That being said, the interesting thing here is Drew, who seems all but poised for the big turn after kicking Strowman in the face.

Post match Strowman powerslams Ziggler but eats a Claymore (and a great one at that), allowing McIntyre to leave to end the show. To quote JR: “Oh I like this. I like this a lot.”

Overall Rating: D+. So yeah, it’s not the most surprising thing in the world that the 1000^th episode of the second biggest wrestling show in the world was treated like any other show. We did however get more of the Bella Twins, because that’s how WWE works. It was interesting that World Cup got almost no attention save for the one World Cup qualifying match, as WWE continues to try to hide the fact that the show is actually taking place.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – October 16, 2018 (1000th Episode): In The Miss Column

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown 1000
Date: October 16, 2018
Location: Capital One Arena, Washington DC
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

This is a milestone show as we’re hitting the 1000^th episode in the show’s history. The big deal here is a variety of cameos and appearances from some of the biggest stars the show has ever seen. I’m not sure what to expect here, but WWE’s record with important shows like this has been hit and miss. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

One more note: between each match and coming back from breaks, we get classic stills from Smackdown’s history. That’s a very nice touch.

We open with a long montage of the show’s history, which is of course awesome. WWE does these things better than anyone else and this is no exception.

Here are R-Truth and Carmella for Truth TV, which is also celebrating its 1000^th episode. Carmella explains things to him so Truth pauses for a dance break. Since their guest needs no introduction, let’s have another dance break! That brings them to their guest….who of course is Stephanie McMahon. She soaks in some booing and brags about her time as Smackdown General Manager but here’s Shane McMahon to a much stronger introduction. Stephanie: “How come I don’t ever get any love?”

Shane actually sounds a little choked up as he thanks the fans for being here for 1000 episode. Stephanie: “And just like that, they buy it.” After a bickering session, Stephanie says we should be starting a little bigger than Truth TV, which gets a Truth TV chant. And now, here’s Vince McMahon to really interrupt. The YES chants start up but Stephanie says that he’s got his hearing aid in tonight. Vince gets straight to the point: he wants a dance break! Everyone starts dancing and that’s that. How nice of Stephanie to rip the show we’re celebrating and then dance because she’s Stephanie and no one can stay mad at her.

Usos vs. Daniel Bryan/AJ Styles

Oh hey the Usos are still alive. Jey and Bryan start things off with Jimmy coming in to take Daniel down with a double elbow. It’s quickly off to AJ for some kicks to the leg but Jey stomps him down in the corner. The Calf Crusher goes on Jey and Daniel gets the YES Lock on Jimmy but a rope is grabbed to send us to a break. Back with Bryan kicking away and moonsaulting over Jimmy, setting up the suicide dive onto Jey. There’s a missile dropkick to Jimmy and the YES Kicks have him in even more trouble. Everything breaks down and Bryan forearms AJ by mistake, setting up a double superkick to pin Bryan at 9:08.

Rating: C. This was angle advancement instead of a match and that’s perfectly fine. Bryan and Styles aren’t the kind of people to hate each other so building tension over wins and losses is the most logical path to a match that they have. It’s also nice to give the Usos a win as they’ve barely been a factor in a long time now.

Vickie Guerrero, Johnny Ace and Teddy Long join Paige for some dancing.

Here’s Evolution for their Smackdown debut. HHH talks about the show reaching 1000 episodes by evolving over the years. Flair says he’s more used to that 10,000 number but seems happy to be here. Orton says it was a great way to start his career with these men and he’s never stopped evolving. Now HHH runs the show, Flair lives vicariously through his daughter and Batista spends more time in a makeup chair than in the ring but Orton is still cementing his legacy.

Batista says he’s nervous but he’s going to enjoy his time, including ignoring what Orton said. The last place he wants to be is here with a microphone in his hand. He’s come up with four things to say though. First, he wanted to be here because this is 1000 shows. Second, we’re here in his hometown, where he bounced in clubs and saw more violence than he could ever imagine but now he’s made it.

Third, he’s here for the people, no matter what they said to him over the years because he worked hard for them every night. Finally, and definitely not the least, is the three other members of Evolution. This was an army of World Champions that will never be assembled again.

Orton was special the moment everyone laid eyes on him. Flair is…..well he’s Ric Flair and that sums it all up. Batista to Flair: “You keep that thing in your pants.” And they’re all cracking up. Finally there’s HHH, who has done everything there is to do in this business…..except beat Batista. Tensions are teased but everyone hugs, with HHH giving a very long stare at Batista. This was the Batista show and you can tell the Hollywood stuff has helped him quite a bit.

World Cup Of Wrestling Qualifying Match: The Miz vs. Rusev

Neither gets an entrance and Kurt Angle is on commentary. Aiden English runs down for a distraction and Miz grabs a rollup for the pin at 41 seconds. The spoils of a dance break I guess.

Post match Rusev destroys English.

In the back Curt Hawkins and Edge give us a quick Edgehead reunion.

Rey Mysterio is back and runs into Jeff Hardy.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. The Bar

John Cena sends in a video about the history of Smackdown creating new superstars. There is no John Cena without Smackdown and he owes the fans a great deal of thanks.

World Cup Of Wrestling Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Non-title and this is Rey’s first singles match for WWE in four and a half years. Nakamura takes him down to start and drops a knee for an early one. A front facelock has Rey in some more trouble but he’s right back out with a headscissors. Rey knocks him outside for the sliding splash underneath the bottom rope. Back in and Rey gets caught in the Tree of Woe and we take a break.

Post match here’s Undertaker to say “At Crown Jewel, I have three worlds for DX: Rest In Peace” to end the show. His music stopped for less than thirty seconds.

Overall Rating: D+. So we’re going to put this one in the “miss” category as it pretty much stopped being a historical show in the last 45 minutes and turned into a regular episode of the show with Booker T. and Jerry Lawler popping in for about sixty seconds of commentary. The long segments took up way too much of a two hour show (Evolution and the opening segment added up to a half hour) and the rest was the Cutting Edge and focus on Crown Jewel. I could go for a Best Of Smackdown show, but this was trying to have both a regular show and a nostalgia show and neither won.

Results

Usos b. Daniel Bryan/AJ Styles – Double superkick to Bryan

The Miz b Rusev – Rollup

The Bar b. New Day – Brogue Kick to Big E.

Rey Mysterio b. Shinsuke Nakamura – Springboard frog splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Judgment Day 2004 (2018 Redo): I Judge This As REALLY BAD

IMG Credit: WWE

Judgment Day 2004
Date: May 16, 2004
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 18,722
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I guess we have to do this one too. It’s one of the worst built shows I’ve seen in a very long time and that’s not surprising given how horrible Smackdown has been in recent weeks. The main event of Eddie Guerrero defending the World Title against John Bradshaw Layfield is going nowhere and it seems that it’s what we’re going to be seeing for a long time going forward. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how we will all be judged one day, but maybe there is no afterlife and this is all we get to do. But what if there’s something there? Will we meet a callous jury or be welcomed warmly? Even this is a rambling mess.

Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam vs. Dudley Boyz

Cole: “Literally in Rey Mysterio’s backyard tonight!” For those unfamiliar, Los Angeles is about 120 miles from San Diego. Rey has a huge backyard. Bubba and Rob start things off with the fans behind Van Dam. A very early distraction lets D-Von get in a cheap shot from behind and he comes in legally just to keep things fair. It’s already back to Bubba for some choking on the ropes but HE HAS UNTIL FIVE.

Rob comes back with some kicks and clotheslines D-Von to the floor. There’s the big flip dive onto Bubba as Rey finally realizes he can do something and dives onto D-Von. We settle down to D-Von and Rob with the latter hitting a stepover spinning kick to the face but Bubba grabs a full nelson. Of course D-Von hits his partner by mistake, because that’s how full nelsons work in tag matches.

Rey still can’t come in and it’s time for the slow motion beating. A legsweep gets Rob out of trouble and it’s off to Rey for the top rope seated senton. The springboard spinning crossbody gets two as Cole says the Dudleys are “bumblebee like”. Another springboard is countered into something like a hot shot and it’s Rey’s turn to be in trouble. A big leg sets up the chinlock, followed by the spinning back elbow to take Rey back down.

The beating continues with D-Von pounding away in the corner but the sitout bulldog gets Rey out of trouble. The hot tag….doesn’t bring Van Dam in though as Bubba comes in a second earlier to distract the referee. One heck of a spinebuster lets Bubba put Rey in the Tree of Woe (Bubba: “He’s a pinata!”).

In a rather unique counter, Rey pulls himself up and hits a cutter, despite still being tied up. That was pretty cool. A moonsault press gets two and that’s enough for the hot tag to Van Dam. Rob’s springboard kick to the face sets up Rolling Thunder for two on D-Von as everything breaks down. Rey hits a middle rope hurricanrana on D-Von to set up a double 619. The Five Star is enough to finish D-Von.

Rating: B-. It’s a bit longer than it needed to be but given that this is one of the only few good matches the card is likely to have, it makes sense to give it so much time. Mysterio and Van Dam have always worked well together, but someone needs to explain the idea of having the Dudleys lose twice if they’re supposed to be top level heels.

Josh Matthews barges into Booker T.’s locker room without even knocking so Booker yells about preparing for Undertaker. He has his own power in the bag and throws Josh out. That….was rather pointless.

Kurt Angle’s lackey Luther Reigns pushes out a big platform and Angle rises up through it to sit above the ring in a cool visual. Angle insults the crowd and the Los Angeles Lakers before moving on to Eddie Guerrero causing his broken leg. When JBL wins the title tonight, Angle is expecting them to riot and hopes a huge earthquake hits the city after he’s gone.

Before we get there though, he wants Torrie Wilson out here right now. Torrie comes out and gets in the ring where Angle yells at her for ruining his career. Therefore, she needs to protect her own career. If she loses tonight, she is FIRED. Oh dear. What ever will we do without her five minutes of screen time a month???

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

They fight into the corner to start with Torrie shoving her off. A Hennig necksnap keeps Dawn in trouble and a horrible sunset flip (you need to get both shoulders down) gets two. Torrie misses a high crossbody and the fans cheer for her….for about five seconds. Some slow motion stomping puts Torrie on the floor and a dropkick to the ribs keeps her out there.

Back in and we hit the chinlock, allowing Torrie to fight up and botch the swinging neckbreaker (you need to grab something, not put a hand on the face). A better sunset flip gets two more and Torrie rolls her up, with Dawn’s gear tearing to the first real reaction of the match. Torrie backslides her for the pin.

Rating: D-. I really, really hope they didn’t have to go home early because of the gear breaking because this was already getting terrible. Trying to get me to care about Torrie being fired isn’t a great course of action as she’s nothing but eye candy and losing her isn’t going to make the show any worse than it already is. Terrible match, because neither of them are wrestlers.

JBL is happy to be here because he’s tired of campaigning all over the country and seeing a bunch of Eddie Guerreros. Nowhere is worse than right here in Los Angeles but there are some good people. Like the ones who wash his car and polish his boots. In his America, everybody speaks English and there aren’t people with eight or nine kids on welfare.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Mordecai

This is Mordecai’s debut and he gets the big entrance with the white robe and cross (not a cross, but it’s a cross) staff. Scotty is terrified and his early headlock completely fails. Mordecai sends him into the post and crushes Scotty’s head against the steel. Scotty gets bent around the ropes (almost like a standing camel clutch) and a knee to the head makes it even worse. A superkick staggers Mordecai but he shrugs off the bulldog. Mordecai finishes him with a Razor’s Edge (appropriate) to complete the squash.

Rating: D. The entrance was cool and the finisher is good, but everything in the middle was pretty uninspiring stuff. Mordecai could work if he was better in the ring but there’s only so much you can do when you were boring in a three minute match. There’s potential there, though not enough to overcome the problems he has.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Chavo Classic (with his pants down) are getting ready when Jacqueline comes in with a present. It’s something to make him feel more comfortable on the way to the ring in case he loses to a girl again. And of course it’s women’s underwear as this horrible show continues to be horrible. Ok Chavo Classic looking at it while Jr. yells at her helps a bit.

Tag Team Titles: Rico/Charlie Haas vs. Hardcore Holly/Billy Gunn

Holly and Gunn are challenging. Charlie stalls some more by not being able to walk onto Rico and Jackie’s platform. The challengers aren’t sure who should start so Rico spanks them both at once. That means a trip to the floor as the stalling continues. After a minute of waiting around, we settle down to Charlie vs. Bob. Holly takes him into the corner as the slow pace continues.

It’s time to actually get serious with a series of kicks in the corner and Gunn bails to the floor. Haas comes back in as Cole and Tazz crack each other up with sex jokes. Holly gets in a cheap shot from behind to take over and it’s time to talk about the Undertaker. The chinlock goes on as the discussion moves to Jackie being entertaining when she slaps the mat over and over. Holly’s dropkick gets two and Rico demands that they don’t hurt his Charlie.

The kick to the ribs gets two and Holly goes up for the top rope dive that is only designed to dive onto a raised boot. To be fair though, Holly at least leaned forward a bit so it could have almost kind of sort of looked like an elbow instead of landing flat on his feet. Charlie dives over to the hot tag to Rico and house is cleaned in a hurry. The Fameasser connects but Charlie tagged himself in and German suplexes Gunn down. Holly grabs the Alabama Slam but Rico superkicks him down, allowing Haas to get a sunset flip to retain.

Rating: D. Well, at least the finish was good. This was every Rico/Haas match (Of what, four that they’ve had?) and that’s not a positive. It was the same jokes over and over again with nothing interesting or entertaining, save for Jackie as usual. You couldn’t have the Bashams in this spot instead? At least they’re a regular team.

Paul Bearer and Undertaker aren’t worried about Booker T. having the voodoo bag of death. Undertaker even acknowledging that feels so beneath him.

We recap Chavo Guerrero vs. Jacqueline, with Chavo trying to get the title back after she upset him a few weeks back. This is one of the dumbest stories of the night, and that’s a bad sign on a show of so many dumb stories.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jacqueline

Chavo is challenging and has an arm tied behind his back. Jacqueline gets sent into the corner and kneed in the ribs as Chavo is already getting in more offense than he had in the first match. Some one armed backbreakers keep Jacqueline down but she comes back with a headscissors and Chavo walks himself shoulder first into the post. Jacqueline’s sleeper is broken up with a ram into the corner but she kicks him down for two.

Chavo Classic gets knocked off the apron and the distraction lets Jr. get in a clothesline. The low blow gives Jacqueline two and it’s time to head outside, where Classic unties the arm. Back in and another distraction lets Jr. block a right hand and hit a hard clothesline. Classic picks up a bunch of stuff for more distracting and it’s the Gory Bomb to give Jr. the title back.

Rating: F. I hated this for so many reasons that I can’t even cut the list down to something reasonable. If this is the best you can have for a title, just get rid of the thing. I know that’s what they probably want to do, but Jacqueline is not the best you can do. Jacqueline isn’t an interesting wrestler and why they decided to put her together in a “HAHA YOU LOST TO A GIRL” story is beyond me. It would have been almost as stupid, but if this is the general way you want to go, put the title on Rico and find some different Tag Team Champions. At least the promos would have been better. Horrible stuff and let’s move on.

Post match Chavo blames everyone else for laughing at him and says no one can laugh at him again. Classic gets in a cheap shot on Jacqueline before leaving. Now PLEASE never let this be talked about again.

We recap the US Title match. Rene Dupree is an obnoxious French guy who hates America and John Cena is standing up for the country. Rene isn’t ready for this spot but he’s trying, and I can take that over so much of the other slapped together show.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending and his rap is a simple one about beating Dupree and sending him back to France. Some early right hands put Dupree on the floor and Cena comes back in with a Thesz press of all things. Back up and Dupree hits a rather fast boot to the face out of the corner to little effect.

Cena is right back with a backdrop and a hard clothesline puts Dupree outside again. Dupree is in a little better shape this time as he pulls Cena shoulder first into the post to take over for the first time. Back in and a low bridge sends a diving Cena (!) sailing right back to the floor. A backbreaker gives Dupree two and it’s off to a bearhug. Cena finally jawbreaks his way to freedom and starts the comeback but the Shuffle takes too long (gee I’m stunned) and Dupree scores with a spinebuster.

The French dance takes way too long as well but Cena can’t follow up. Dupree can’t hit the Michinoku Driver but Cena’s can’t hit the FU either. Instead Dupree grabs a neckbreaker for a delayed two and it’s time for the exchange of rollups. That goes nowhere so Dupree tries to jump over Cena in the corner, only to get caught in the FU to retain the title.

Rating: C+. That’s the second fine match of the night as they were putting in the effort and there was a perfectly acceptable story being told. It’s nothing that really needed to be on pay per view, but it’s better than nothing, which is more than you can say for almost anything else on the show so far. Imagine that: Cena being one of the few bright spots.

Post match Cena gives a fan his Lakers jersey in a nice touch.

Kenzo Suzuki is coming. Egads no.

We recap Booker T. vs. the Undertaker. Booker showed up in the Draft and started talking about how much better he was than everyone else, including the Undertaker. A bunch of lightning and thunder followed, so Booker went to a voodoo woman and has a hex bag that is supposed to even things out. Yeah it’s really stupid and I doubt it’s going to help the show.

Booker T. vs. Undertaker

The announcers keep calling this a rare appearance by the Undertaker. I’m really not sure why, but then again I’m not sure why Cole and Tazz say a lot of things they say. Booker takes him into the corner to start and we actually get a clean break. A shove down is enough for Booker at the moment as he heads outside and rubs something from the bag on his chest, which just gets his arm cranked on back inside.

Undertaker side slams him down and gets two off a legdrop before clotheslining Booker right back to the floor. As tends to happen to him a lot, Undertaker gets his throat snapped across the top, allowing Booker to come back in with a missile dropkick. Booker rubs some more stuff on his chest and gets caught with the jumping clothesline. Old School connects but Booker slips out of the Last Ride and bumps the referee.

The distraction lets Booker throw the dirt from the bag in Undertaker’s eyes….which just ticks him off. The running big boot misses in the corner though and Booker starts stomping on the knee. Booker wraps the leg around the post to keep Undertaker down and a dropkick gets two. The ax kick connects for the same so it’s time for Undertaker to pop up with the chokeslam and Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: D. Egads they really can’t get anything going with this show. Another bad match as the hex bag went nowhere as Undertaker didn’t even sell the dirt in his eyes. Other than that, this was a little working on Undertaker’s knee before he popped back up and won anyway. I have no idea why you would bring Booker to Smackdown just to put Undertaker over in his first big match, especially when the show is so starved for effectual heels. It didn’t make sense at the time and it still doesn’t now.

We recap JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero. JBL is a rich guy from New York and wants to get rid of someone deplorable like Eddie. In other words, it’s at least half racist and more than half awful as JBL is really bad at what he’s doing. Then JBL caused Eddie’s mom to have a heart attack, which he blamed Eddie for and which we had to see about five times in a week. Let’s get this over with.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Eddie is defending. Before we’re ready to go, JBL talks about how he’s going to say this in English so half the people here will need translators. After he wins the title, Eddie’s mother can come to New York and be his maid. Eddie gets aggressive to start and knocks him outside for a whip into the steps. JBL gets tossed over the announcers’ table and it’s time to head back inside for some shouting and punching.

It’s too early for JBL to walk out so Eddie chases him down and hammers away some more. Back in and Eddie walks on his face but makes the mistake of going outside again, allowing JBL to whip him into the steps. JBL keeps up the awesome wrestling with a big boot and a headlock as things slow down to a snail’s pace. Another headlock takeover keeps things slow but some armdrags put JBL on the floor.

The dive is caught for a fall away slam though and the champ is down again. A backdrop puts Eddie onto the announcers’ table in a good looking crash. Back in and they slug it out until JBL grabs a bearhug, which is the worst thing this match can do. Thankfully it doesn’t last long as Eddie slips out and hits Three Amigos. The referee gets bumped though and Eddie backdrops JBL to the floor.

Another whip over the announcers’ table lets JBL grab a chair and cave Eddie’s head in, drawing one of the deepest, most disturbing cuts I’ve ever seen. You can see the blood literally flowing out of his head and streaming down his chest over and over. A steps show to the head makes it even worse and the Clothesline From JBL is good for no cover because referees are made of paper around here. The second referee comes in for two as there is blood EVERYWHERE.

The replacement referee takes a Clothesline of his own and a powerbomb gives JBL two with the first referee counting. JBL slaps on a sleeper but Eddie fights up and starts the dancing. The fall away slam is countered into a DDT and they’re both down. Eddie is up first but the blood loss means the frog splash takes way too long and they’re down again. JBL grabs the title and a chair but Eddie kicks him low and hits him with the belt for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The story worked, the blood REALLY worked, and Eddie was trying, but there’s only so much you can do with someone like Bradshaw as your opponent. The headlock didn’t do this any favors and the idea of having to watch this match again made my head hurt. You can only do so much to get beyond a horrible build and bad character work from the heel and Eddie wasn’t able to get over the mountain.

Post match Eddie stays on him and shoves some referees away. A chair to JBL’s head draws some blood as well and Eddie does it again for fun. Eddie drops a frog splash and JBL bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. The two good matches are nowhere near enough to save this show as they’re only so good. The problem here continues to be the lame villains, as there’s no way around people I don’t care about. JBL is a terrible top villain, the second villains are the Dudley Boyz who haven’t won a tag match in a long time, and then you have Booker T. who is running around like a comedy goof. Who in there is supposed to be intimidating?

Nothing on this show got me interested or excited in the slightest and that just shouldn’t happen on a pay per view. The wrestling can be passable at times but they have to work on the stories and characters. Those are the far more important parts of the show and neither of them is going anywhere at all. Just get something interesting in there because what we have at the moment is making me long for a twenty minute HHH promo to perk things up a bit.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – May 13, 2004: Take It To the Gallows

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 13, 2004
Location: Lawlor Convention Center, Reno, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and my goodness the show is not looking good at this point. We currently have three matches announced so this week’s show is going to be designed to get us ready for Sunday in a hurry, with several matches likely being added at once. That rarely leads to a good night but that would be par for the course around here lately. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Eddie Guerrero’s mom having a heart attack, because that’s the one angle they have for this whole thing. Eddie snapped to end last week’s show, partially due to JBL blaming him for the heart attack.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

During Rob’s entrance, Rob/Rey Mysterio vs. the Dudley Boyz is announced for Sunday. I mean, we saw it last week so let’s make people pay to see it again! Actually hang on a second as we have a change due to a sneak attack.

Rob Van Dam vs. D-Von Dudley

See? IT’S TRICKINESS! D-Von jumps him from behind to start until Van Dam gets in a spinning kick to the jaw. The running corner dropkick in the corner allows Van Dam to get in some finger pointing. Bubba offers a distraction though and the split legged moonsault is countered into a neckbreaker out of the corner. Some choking with a torn tag rope has Van Dam in some more trouble and a hard clothesline gets two.

The chinlock wakes Van Dam up a bit and there’s another kick to the face to put D-Von down. The top rope kick to the face gets two but Van Dam has to cannonball off the apron to take care of an interfering Bubba. Rolling Thunder connects but Bubba puts D-Von’s leg on the rope. A ref bump lets Bubba crotch Van Dam on top though and it’s a top rope hanging DDT to give D-Von the pin.

Rating: D. This was as interesting as D-Von in the ring and Bubba on the floor vs. Van Dam was going to be. Having the Dudley Boyz as the second biggest heels on the roster is one of the dumbest things that could have been done and it’s not getting any better week to week. The clean loss last week didn’t help things either and it’s just not interesting.

Post match the beatdown stays on until Rey Mysterio makes the save. Thanks for being there in the last five minutes Rey.

Kurt Angle comes in to see Eddie Guerrero and says what Eddie did last week was unprovoked. Eddie is a volcano waiting to erupt and Angle can’t have that on his show. If Eddie does anything tonight, there will be severe consequences. Eddie gets up and walks away.

Kenzo Suzuki is coming. Oh good grief.

Cole is in the ring and brings out Jacqueline for a chat. We see a clip of her winning the Cruiserweight Title and she’s proud to be the first woman to hold it. Dig that WWE continuity. She reminds Chavo “Guerrer” that he lost to a girl so here are Chavo and Chavo Classic to interrupt. Jr. calls her a thief because that was the worst night of his career and maybe even his life. Angle has made a rematch for Judgment Day and he’ll have one arm tied behind his back. Classic thinks it’s a great idea but he wants some redemption tonight. Oh dear this is going to be bad.

Chavo Classic vs. Jacqueline

Non-title. Joined in progress with Chavo taking her down and getting in a little spanking. Jacqueline sends him outside and then does the exact same thing he did to her, albeit with the slaps to the head for the sake of good taste. A Hennig neck snap puts Jacqueline down again though and we hit an abdominal stretch with Chavo having to lean down to make it work. Jacqueline fights up with a hurricanrana but Jr. pulls her off the apron, dropping her face first onto the apron, giving Classic the pin. This is a champion people. Someone who gets sent into the apron and pinned by in his mid-50s.

Worry not though, as Jacqueline gets revenge by pulling Classic’s pants down. Good thing everything is ok now.

Angle is livid at Eddie for disrespecting him and is going to do something about it.

We look back at Booker using magic to try and fend off Undertaker.

Angle finds Eddie and tells him to cool off. It wasn’t even JBL’s fault because Eddie’s mom is 76 years old. Eddie is about to snap so the boss leaves.

The announcers talk about JBL, who suddenly calls in from his limo to promise to destroy Mysterio tonight. He wants Eddie to still be here when he gets to the arena too.

FBI vs. Booker T.

The FBI is banged up after last week’s massacre at Undertaker’s hands. Booker has the hex bag with him because that’s still a thing. Stamboli gets stomped down with ease and a side slam drops Nunzio. Booker drops Nunzio ribs first onto the barricade and kicks Stamboli in the face a few times, followed by the ax kick for the pin. The FBI didn’t get in a single shot.

Post match Booker says that proves he’s just as powerful as the Undertaker….and there’s the gong. Undertaker’s face pops up on both smaller screens and then the main screen as Booker tries to run. Paul Bearer comes out as the ring fills with smoke and Undertaker sits up inside.

Here’s Eddie for a chat and we see the heart attack AGAIN during his entrance because there’s nothing else to the feud but it’s somehow better than the racism/border patrol stuff. Eddie talks about representing the entire WWE and all of America. The point of America isn’t saying you’re better than other people but working hard to achieve your dreams. Eddie looks at America as a great big melting pot.

JBL is going to need some intestinal fortitude to deal with him on Sunday because Eddie is bringing it to the fullest. Eddie talks about the heart attack and having to explain to his kids why he didn’t do anything to the man who hurt grandma. She’s a strong woman and Eddie was worried about her but he wants to take care of Bradshaw tonight. He wants Vickie to turn the TV off because he doesn’t want the kids to see what’s about to happen to Bradshaw.

The limo comes out but there’s no JBL so Eddie breaks the window with a pipe. There’s no one inside so here’s JBL with some police to demand Eddie be arrested for destruction of private property. Eddie charges at him but gets beaten down, with JBL screaming about aggravated assault. Eddie was really stretching in his promo and didn’t sound like he knew where he was going. Could it be because even he knows how awful this story has been?

Rico vs. Hardcore Holly

Rico kicks away in the corner as Jackie and Charlie Haas celebrate on the floor. The chinlock goes on as there’s just nothing going on here. Holly pops up and hits the kick to the very lower abdomen but the Alabama Slam is escaped. A dropkick that isn’t quite up to Holly’s usual standard gets two so Rico heads up top, only to have his high crossbody rolled through to give Holly the pin.

Rating: D. This was a fine example of two things. First of all, Rico can wrestle a watchable match when he’s just playing it straight (pun intended) and isn’t doing all of his shtick. It’s a shame that he got stuck with such a lame gimmick and never recovered. Unfortunately, the other thing it shows is how horrible the tag division is, with a team being thrown together (if they teamed on Velocity, it wasn’t mentioned here) and getting a pay per view title shot. That should never be the case but it’s happening here, and it’s likely to happen again.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie has been added to Sunday.

Earlier this week, Rene Dupree held a Cafe de Rene where he talked about how unwelcome he’s felt since coming to this country. America just can’t handle the world thinking there are better countries out there, which is why he’s been targeted by John Cena. On Sunday, he’s going to treat Cena like Americans treat Iraqi prisoners.

Mordecai debuts on Sunday.

Sakoda vs. John Cena

Non-title. Sakoda doesn’t go anywhere off a shoulder block but he bails to the floor anyway. Cena goes out to get him and gets kicked in the face by Akio. Back in and Sakoda knees Cena in the face and poses a bit, showing more fire in ten seconds than I’ve ever seen otherwise. We hit the sleeper until Cena fights up with the usual, capped off by the FU for the easy pin.

Rating: D+. Sakoda looked better than usual here, which isn’t saying much as he’s been little more than a warm body for months now. Cena needed a win to recharge things a bit after last week’s beatdown, even though I don’t think the title is in that much doubt. At least Cena could fire the crowd up a little bit after the JBL and Rene times killed the crowd’s energy.

Akio get FU’d onto Sakoda to even things up.

Raw ReBound.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio gets shoved down and JBL does that smile of his. Rey dropkicks it off his face so Bradshaw blasts him with a shoulder and some kicks to the back. The powerbomb doesn’t work and the chase is on with Rey trying a dive, only to get caught in a fall away slam on the floor.

Back in and the slow beating begins with a kick to the head and a suplex. The torture rack goes on and JBL runs over Rey for daring to escape. Rey fights out of a superplex and grabs a tornado DDT. That’s about it for the comeback though as Rey is sent outside and into various things like the announcers’ table. Back in and a buckle bomb sets up the Clothesline From JBL for the pin. Just a bit above a squash.

Rating: D. This was a good example of why JBL isn’t working in the role. His promos and character stuff are really dull and then it gets even worse in the ring. He’s just a power guy and there are people who are so much better at it than he is that it’s not fun to watch. It’s a good idea to have him go over someone like Mysterio but it’s WAY too late to have the result that they needed.

Post match JBL talks about how he doesn’t care about Eddie’s mother dying because it’s all about winning the title. Cole: “Will JBL’s stock rise on Sunday?” Oh good grief.

Overall Rating: F. Let’s see. There was no good wrestling. There were no good promos. I somehow care about Judgment Day even less than I did when this show started. That has to be one of the worst go home shows I’ve ever seen and when you consider how much they had to add to the pay per view on this show alone (an insane five matches out of an eight match card), it’s clear that they’re making this stuff up as they go.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – May 6, 2004: Forgotten By Design

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 6, 2004
Location: Tuscon Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on Judgment Day and….well I haven’t actually watched the show in a good while as I stockpiled a bunch of reviews before I went on vacation. That was by design, as I tried to block out most of what was going on with this show. JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero is still coming up and that’s not exactly something I want to think about. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Michael Cole is in the ring to talk about Eddie Guerrero’s mother having a heart attack at an El Paso house show. Eddie had finished his match and invited his family into the ring, which was followed by tragedy. Since it’s so sad, let’s see a video of the whole thing. Eddie invited some women into the ring, starting with his wife Vickie (one of her first appearances), his daughters, and finally his mother, the latter of whom gets a rather long and glowing introduction.

Eddie presents her with a bouquet of roses, which brought out JBL, who must be a fan of lilies. The big clothesline takes Eddie out and JBL yells at the mother, who collapses in a heart attack that Fritz Von Erich would find to be a little much. Medics come out as Eddie chases JBL off to finally wrap this up.

Back in the arena, Cole and Tazz are rather somber, with Tazz even taking his sunglasses off.

John Cena vs. Doug Basham

Non-title. Before the match, Cena makes his usual gay jokes, this time at Doug’s expense. Oh and the Bashams are like Mary-Kate and Ashley. It takes a good minute into the match to have Cena throw his jersey into the crowd. Cole goes from talking about Cena’s Deez Nuts joke to Eddie’s mom having a heart attack, showing that great broadcasting ability. Cena slugs him into the corner to start until Doug scores with an elbow to the jaw. Danny trips Cena up for bad measure and Doug slaps on a sleeper. The belly to back suplex gets Cena out of trouble and it’s a pump of the shoes into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D. Just a quick win with some minor odds for Cena to overcome, much like his upcoming match with Rene Dupree. There’s no one for him to fight in the midcard at the moment so while I can appreciate the idea of bringing some people up, there’s going to be a rough transitional period, just like this one. Or maybe it’s just the Bashams and Dupree.

We recap Booker T. attacking Undertaker last week and getting chased off as a result.

To get a chance against the Undertaker, Booker visited a fortune teller. Her advice to deal with the evil shadow: find things for him, starting with dirt from the grave with no name. Oh this is going to be a rough one.

Here are Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Sr. (now dubbed Chavo Classic) with the latter talking about how sad he is at his mother’s heart attack. Jr. is wanting to face everyone, so tonight it’s an open challenge for a title shot.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jacqueline

Jacqueline is challenging because Paul London, Tajiri, Rey Mysterio, Brian Kendrick and probably half a dozen other people aren’t around for the sake of this angle. The Guerreros mock her for being a woman and want the real challenger out here instead. Jr. says this wouldn’t be fair because no man can beat him, so what chance does she have? She can either do, ahem, something else to him or make some sandwiches.

A slap starts the match and Chavo takes her down into an armbar without much effort. Jacqueline is up with a headscissors and a dropkick but Chavo belly to backs the heck out of her. Classic offers a distraction though and it’s a low blow into a rollup to give Jacqueline the pin and the title. So that happened. Anyone care? At all? At least Classic’s stunned face is funny.

The FBI is in the ring so here’s Kurt Angle to talk about how he thought last week’s negative crowd reaction in Oklahoma City was just a one off mistake. All the fans couldn’t possibly boo someone who has sacrificed as much as he has over the years. No matter how many people dislike him, he’s still the General Manager of this show. That’s why tonight, Undertaker is facing the FBI.

Undertaker vs. FBI

Just Stamboli and Nunzio to be destroyed here. Cole says he’s been having debates with a lot of people about whether Undertaker is alive or dead. I’m sure you have Cole, and odds are they’re at the airport. Undertaker cleans house to start and kicks Stamboli in the face. With Nunzio coming back up off the floor, Old School is broken up so Undertaker beats on Stamboli instead.

Post match Undertaker destroys both guys because he’s the Undertaker and they’re the FBI.

Booker finds the grave (good thing it was in the same city) and takes some of the dirt. After Booker leaves, a gloved hand pops out of the ground. Uh….yeah.

We look at the heart attack angle again, though thankfully a shorter version which still clocks in at longer than an Undertaker entrance.

Josh Matthews asks Eddie if he blames himself for the heart attack and Eddie’s glare sends Josh running off. Good. Keep going.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Well what else are you going to use to follow up an elderly woman having a heart attack and her son having an emotional breakdown? Rene Dupree is at ringside. Apparently Torrie is still being blamed for Angle’s injuries because she ticked Big Show off so much. Dawn kicks her down for an early two as Rene eerily stares at Torrie. A turnbuckle pad is ripped off and Torrie goes face first into it, only to come back with a clothesline.

The swinging neckbreaker, as in the only move Torrie can do, gets two and a high crossbody gets the same, despite Rene’s failed interference. Cue Cena to even things up and the fight is on as the match is thrown out somewhere in there. The stuff with the women was terrible and Cena vs. Dupree was slightly less terrible.

Dupree beats Cena up and takes him inside for a ram into the exposed buckle. Cena gets posted as well and a powerbomb puts him through the announcers’ table. Well, that’s better than giving Eddie’s mother a heart attack.

Back from a break and apparently Dupree beat him up even more during the commercial.

Pay per view rundown. With ten days to go before the show, you should probably have a fourth match announced.

JBL joins us from New York to deny all responsibility for the heart attack because he was just asking her to leave. Eddie had no right to bring his family into JBL’s place of business because it wasn’t bring your family to work day. There’s no need for an apology because the woman has already outlived her days. If Eddie wants to do something like that, he has to take responsibility for the consequences.

JBL isn’t here tonight to give Eddie a break but that won’t be the case next week. Oh and Eddie’s mom probably faked it because she taught Eddie to lie, cheat and steal. We get the illegal immigrant stuff to wrap it up. This story is still lame, mainly because it’s still Bradshaw trying to be intimidating.

Paul Heyman comes up to Angle and talks about Eddie being emotional. If Eddie explodes in the tag match main event, it’s going to be on Angle’s head. Angle agrees so Luther Reigns is tasked with going to find an unnamed replacement.

Dudley Boyz vs. Rob Van Dam/???

D-Von comes in and gets hurricanranaed, followed by a kick to the face to keep him in trouble. Bubba gets smart by grabbing Rob from the apron but gets kicked down for his efforts. Rey comes in for a 619 attempt, only to be tripped down by Bubba. Things slow down with Bubba yelling at Rey and punching him down for a bonus. A headscissors gets Rey out of trouble and a springboard bulldog is good for two.

D-Von uses a quick distraction to crotch Rey against the post though and we take a break. Back with D-Von holding Rey in a chinlock but slipping out of a suplex attempt. The hot tag to Van Dam is broken up though and double teaming ensues. Rey slips out again and now the hot tag works just fine. Van Dam’s top rope kick to the face gets two on D-Von and everything breaks down.

The split legged moonsault hits D-Von for two more with Bubba making the save. Rey’s springboard is pulled out of the air but Van Dam breaks up What’s Up. The Five Star misses D-Von so Rob enziguris him into the 619 instead. A Rolling Thunder/Dropping the Dime combination is good for the pin, because that’s the way to get over a suddenly angry act like the Dudleys.

Rating: C+. That’s one of the best Smackdown matches in far too long and that shows a lot of the problems with the show at the moment. This was built up as one of the major matches on the show and then they change it at the last minute, leaving us with a good match but not the one that they advertised. The Dudleys continue to be their same old selves though, and that’s not good for the spot they’re supposed to be in.

Post match the Dudleys beat the winners down until Eddie runs in for the save with a chair. Eddie throws the referee outside and starts swinging, including a shot to the referee and another to Van Dam. Bubba (already bleeding) and D-Von take second shots to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. A bunch of short matches, Jacqueline as Cruiserweight Champion instead of making someone into a new star (you know, like they did last year), and the heart attack angle are a little too much for the only so good main event to make up for. It’s such a dark time for Smackdown at the moment and unfortunately I don’t see that changing for a very, very long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown – March 18, 2004: Does Eddie Ever Get Tired Of Saving Us?

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: March 18, 2004
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the first show after Wrestlemania and, much like this week’s Monday Night Raw, the level of importance of this show might be pretty low. Eddie Guerrero is still Smackdown World Champion, having vanquished Kurt Angle, meaning he now needs a new challenger. There aren’t many options though and that makes things a little more complicated. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Wrestlemania if you need a recap.

Here’s hometown boy and new US Champion John Cena to open things up. Cena is glad to be home and talks about how he used to buy tickets for the old Boston Gardens. Back at Wrestlemania, he put Big Show on an FU diet and Show came out ten pounds lighter. Cena brings championships home like he’s Tom Brady. The FCC is getting on him and they suck just like the Yankees. It’s time for Cena’s first match but here’s Paul Heyman instead.

Heyman confirms that Brock Lesnar is gone from Smackdown and WWE as well, so maybe Cena can be the new face of the show. This Monday though, Cena might be getting sent over the Monday Night Raw. If Heyman was one of the superstars in the locker room, he would be on his knees praying to be drafted to Raw. Everyone left on Smackdown will be suffering Heyman’s wrath and that includes Cena. Heyman slaps him and gets knocked down but here’s Rhyno to start the title match.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rhyno

Cena is defending and takes an early spinebuster for two. He charges into a hard elbow in the corner to make it worse but the fans are still behind him, despite his tendency to charge in too soon. The real comeback (after being on defense for all of a minute) starts with some shoulders and the Shuffle, complete with pumping up the shoes. The FU retains the title in a hurry. Cena has taken about three giant steps forward into stardom since winning the title and you can see that fire in his eyes.

Edge is coming back. Still no date given.

Heyman is upset by what happened but runs into the APA, who laugh at him over what they saw. Therefore, if they don’t win the Tag Team Titles tonight, they’re fired.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi vs. APA

Rikishi and Scotty are defending. Bradshaw starts with Scotty, who tags out for the showdown with Rikishi. A slugout goes badly as Rikishi takes over with a headbutt and now it’s off to Scotty for some right hands of his own. Scotty’s middle rope crossbody goes as badly as you would expect and Faarooq comes in to slowly punch away. Bradshaw comes back in for a torture rack (still would be a great finisher for someone) and Faarooq puts on the chinlock.

Faarooq starts jumping onto Scotty’s back but eventually lands on raised knees, ala Arn Anderson. A tornado DDT to Bradshaw gets Scotty out of trouble and it’s off to Rikishi for the house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Faarooq breaks up the Worm with a right hand. Now why did no one else ever think of that? Not that it matters as Rikishi superkicks Bradshaw to retain.

Rating: D. Pretty bad match here and that’s not exactly a surprise. Why would you expect the APA to do anything more than bad at this point? They haven’t had a good match in a long time and it’s way past their expiration date. Scotty and Rikishi aren’t very good champions but with the rest of the available options, they’re about as high a level as we’re reaching right now.

Post break the APA storms into Heyman’s office so he can fire them to their faces. The thing is, they didn’t listen to Heyman because only Faarooq is fired (Heyman did say that if Faarooq and his partner didn’t win “you are fired”) because Bradshaw has too much value. Faarooq says they’re both out of here but Bradshaw stays, turning himself heel in the process. It should be noted that Faarooq was fired earlier in the day so this wasn’t the most shocking result.

We see Vince’s Lottery announcement from Raw.

Dawn Marie has gathered Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas, Billy Gunn and Rey Mysterio in a locker room. Heyman comes in to talk about the Smackdown locker room being united against him last week so tonight, they’re going to play Divide and Conquer. He can’t control what happens on Monday, but he can control what happens tonight. The four of them are running a gauntlet and the winner gets a WWE Title shot tonight. Haas and Benjamin aren’t interested in fighting each other so Heyman makes them the first part of the gauntlet.

Video on Wrestlemania.

Gauntlet Match

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin get things going, showing off their blue and gold singlets. To the shock of no one, they go straight to the mat for a fight over arm control. Charlie gets the better of it for all of a few seconds before they get back to their feet where Shelton takes over with a headlock. That takes us to a standoff until they fight over a top wristlock. This time it’s Haas taking him down into a leglock, which is reversed into another headlock.

Shelton tosses him down and taps Charlie on the jaw, meaning it’s time to get serious. After a trip to the floor, they’re right back inside with Shelton hooking a front facelock. Shelton slaps him in the jaw again and Charlie isn’t having any of that. Back in and Haas gets two off a suplex (you would have expected more than that), followed by a bridging German suplex for the same. Shelton jumps over him in the corner though and the Dragon Whip (to the chest) is good for the pin.

Back from a break, Faarooq tries to leave but gets stopped by Bradshaw, who begs him not to leave. Bradshaw is a freaking one man conglomerate and he can’t be fired just because Faarooq said something stupid.

Now back to the match with Billy Gunn in third to face Shelton. Gunn takes too long getting in so Shelton stomps away in the corner. A running clothesline drops Gunn again and they head to the floor. This goes a bit better for Gunn as Shelton is whipped into the barricade for two back inside. Shelton doesn’t seem to mind as he elbows Gunn in the face and knees him hard in the head. Gunn gets out of a reverse chinlock with a jawbreaker and catches a charging Shelton with a raised boot. The good looking tilt-a-whirl powerslam gets two but the Fameasser misses. Shelton grabs a rollup (and the rope) for the upset (Maybe?) pin.

Before we get to the next name, here’s Big Show to say he’s not happy about losing the US Title to a cheater like Cena and is entering the gauntlet as the last man.

Back to the match again with Mysterio as the fourth man. They trade some rollups to start until Shelton snaps off an exploder suplex to take over. A delayed belly to back suplex gets two and some knees in the corner have Rey in even more trouble. Shelton whips him hard into the buckles and it’s off to a cross armbreaker. That switches over to a regular armbar, which Rey reverses into the sitout bulldog. Shelton is right back with a powerslam but Rey slips out of a German suplex. The 619 lets Rey Drop the Dime for the pin in the best section of the gauntlet so far.

Hall of Fame video. Why are they doing all of these breaks in between the matches?

So it’s Mysterio vs. Big Show for the title shot with Rey getting smart early on by rolling to the floor. Back in and Rey dives between Show’s legs but gets backed into the corner, allowing Show to toss him around. Show stands on Rey’s head but Rey snaps him throat first across the top. A springboard missile dropkick rocks Show, who kicks Rey in the face for two as the comeback is cut off in a hurry.

Show standing on Rey’s back has Mysterio bailing outside again, this time with a good bit more pain. Back in and Show gives him a rather impressive gorilla press drop, launching Rey into the air so the crash is even bigger. Cue Cena for a distraction though with Show going outside to get him, allowing Rey to hit a 619. The referee yells at Rey, allowing Cena to get in a belt shot to bounce Show off the post for the countout.

Rating: D-. This was a bunch of lame matches and while the most interesting choice won, it felt like they were doing the least interesting thing they possibly could have, which made this a very long match with almost nothing standing out as good. Mysterio vs. Benjamin was passable, which is probably why it was the shortest section of the whole thing. At least the title match has serious potential though.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and they shake hands to start. An exchange of wristlocks and armdrags give us a standoff with Rey holding his arm. Eddie trips him down and puts on a headlock, only to have Rey snap off a heck of a headscissors to send the champ outside. Rey motions that he wants the title as Eddie looks stunned. Back in and Rey slaps him in the face for some reason so Eddie sends him arm first into the buckle to stop Rey cold. An armbar goes on but Rey realizes he’s next to the rope for a fast break.

Eddie, having a brain, takes him down into another armbar but Rey, being Rey, spins out and monkey flips Eddie down. Mysterio pulls him to the floor for an Asai moonsault and we take a break. Back with Eddie hitting a top rope superplex for two and staying on the back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. To really crank things up, Eddie puts on a cross between a Gory Stretch and a chickenwing (egads that looks painful), making Rey tap twice. Why these taps (with Tazz and Cole saying Rey is tapping, as he’s clearly slapping his shoulder) don’t count isn’t clear but Rey reverses into a small package for two.

Eddie takes him down again and twists the arm even more, followed by some stomping to the arm. Rey fights out of another armbar and tries a springboard moonsault to Eddie’s back, driving him face first into the mat for two. The springboard seated senton gets the same as the pace is picking up. There’s a tornado DDT for two more but Rey is spent. Two rolling verticals connect but Rey reverses the third into a rollup. Eddie finally hits the third and tries the frog splash, which only hits mat. Rey hits the 619 and Rey Drops the Dime but Eddie rolls away. La majistral retains Eddie’s title.

Rating: B+. Oh come on like these two were going to have anything short of a great match. They know each other so well and it was no surprise that they were able to tear it up out there. Mysterio wasn’t likely to win but he’s good enough to make you believe that a miracle could happen to give him the title. That’s a valuable asset and Mysterio can do it as well as almost anyone else ever.

Post match Heyman comes out to say he didn’t know Spanish was the new language around here. He hopes Eddie and Rey’s families get deported because they have no place on his Smackdown. Next week he’s the only person guaranteed to be on Smackdown….and the gong strikes. Heyman decides to get back in the ring with Mysterio and Guerrero as Undertaker takes off the coat and hat (revealing a bandanna for a weird look). Eddie shoves him into a Tombstone to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. It says a lot when a really good Eddie vs. Rey match can’t save your show. This was as much of a punt of a show as you could imagine and unfortunately that’s not the biggest surprise in the world. They could have done something better than this, but I guess Shelton Benjamin vs. Billy Gunn was one of their best available ideas at the moment. Really lame show, but I can kind of understand why it happened.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Summerslam Count-Up – 2012: The Nearly Adequate Storm

IMG Credit: WWE

Summerslam 2012
Date: August 19, 2013
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 14,205
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Pre-Show: Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho gets a quick cradle for two but Ziggler takes him right back down with a clothesline. Dolph misses a Stinger Splash and Chris goes after him, only to be easily taken down by another shot to the ribs. Not that it matters as he pops up top for the ax handle but Ziggler kicks him in the ribs again. The Fameasser gets two but an enziguri puts Dolph down for two as well. Back and forth match so far here.

Dolph jumps over Chris in the corner and puts on the sleeper which looks horrid here. Jericho rams him into the corner to escape and rains down some right hands before snapping off a top rope hurricanrana. The ribs are damaged even more though, delaying the count by several seconds. A jumping DDT gets two on the Canadian and Ziggler is getting frustrated.

Vickie freaks out over the loss.

Heyman and Brock say Lesnar wins tonight.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

Another big boot gets two but Bryan comes back with the kicks to the legs, only to be thrown over the top and out to the floor. Bryan slides back in and hits the FLYING GOAT to put Kane down. The missile dropkick drops Kane again and there are more kicks, only to have Kane clothesline his way out of trouble. The side slam gets two and the top rope clothesline looks to set up the chokeslam but Bryan bails to the floor.

Bryan slaps him in the face like a knucklehead, sending Kane through the roof. Bryan is tossed into the corner and stomped down by a furious Kane. The referee drags him away, allowing Bryan to try the NO Lock. Kane powers out so Bryan kicks him in the head. Why overcomplicate things? The flying headbutt is caught in the chokeslam but Kane wants the tombstone, allowing Bryan to counter into a small package for the pin.

Kane is going nuts in the back. Josh Matthews comes up to him like the schnook he is and is LAUNCHED off camera in a funny bit.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

Tag Titles: Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth

Rating: D+. This could have been on any given Raw. The Players are a decent team but Titus is clearly the star with Young just being there. Kofi and Truth are just transitional champions before HELL NO would take the championships a few weeks later. Nothing to see here other than a filler before we get to the main events.

Video on Summerslam Axxess.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Punk won the title at Survivor Series but got angry over Rock vs. Cena being announced as the main event of Wrestlemania 28 a year in advance. Cena cashed in the MITB case at Raw 1000 but Big Show cost Cena the match. AJ made it a three way for the sake of tormenting Punk (now a heel demanding respect) for turning down her proposal.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Big Show

The Final Cut puts Punk down but Cena breaks up the WMD, earning himself a spear from the giant for two. Show loads up a double Vader Bomb but only hits Cena, allowing Punk to springboard onto Show for the save. Everyone heads to the floor with Big Show chokeslamming Punk against the ropes, sending him back to the floor. Show drops Cena with a side slam but stares at the crowd instead of covering. Maybe someone was holding up a Twinkie?

We get a Koji Clutch/STF combo and Show taps, but we have no clear winner. This brings out AJ (Punk: “DO THE RIGHT THING LIKE SPIKE LEE! LET THE PEOPLE DECIDE! THEY CAN TWEET ABOUT IT!”) who eventually says restart the match, allowing Show to hit a double chokeslam for two on each guy. Cena ducks the WMD and hits the AA, but Punk throws him to the floor and steals the pin to retain.

Various B level celebrities are here. Maria Menunos in a Bob Backlund shirt works very well.

We recap the pre-show match to fill in time.

Kevin Rudolf sings the theme song.

Brock Lesnar vs. HHH

Every time I watch a Brock Lesnar match I remember how scary of a human being he is. We get spotlights for the big match intros in a cool idea. Remember that HHH told the referee to allow a lot of fighting tonight. Lesnar powers HHH into the corner to start and goes for a standing kimura (arm lock that he used to break the arm) with a jumping body scissors. HHH though is a MAN and powers out of it before clotheslining Brock to the floor. Back in and Brock pounds away, only to be clotheslined to the floor again. You know, because Cena can be in a war with Brock at Extreme Rules but HHH can easily stop him.

A release German suplex puts HHH down again but he comes back with a neck snap across the ropes. Brock is taken down by a DDT but he goes right back to the kimura and another hammerlock slam. They head to the floor with the arm going into the steps and the rest of HHH going into the announce table. Brock jumps off the table onto the Game before taking him back inside. Of all things, Lesnar busts out a small package for a one count. A hard clothesline puts HHH down but he blocks a suplex into one of his own to get a breather.

Brock misses a charge into the corner but blocks a Pedigree and throws HHH out to the floor. HHH sends him into the announce table stomach first, which is a weak spot due to some real life past illnesses which ended his UFC career for all intents and purposes. More shots to the stomach have Brock in trouble and a knee to the ribs puts him down. Heyman is losing his mind and Brock is in trouble.

Ratings Comparison

Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

Original: C

Redo: C-

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus

Original: D

Redo: D+

R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Prime Time Players

Original: C

Redo: D+

John Cena vs. CM Punk vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: C

Brock Lesnar vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: C-

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/08/19/summerslam-2012-lesnar-is-a-wrestler-again-just-like-everyone-else/

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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