Monday Nitro #261
Date: October 9, 2000
Location: Brisbane Entertainment Centre, Brisbane, Australia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Stevie Ray

Now this should be an interesting show as WCW is now taking their unique brand of horrible to a new country. This is the first of four straight shows in Australia but more interesting than that is the fact that it’s the first show without Vince Russo around. The concussions had caused him to be confined to his home but he would send in his stories. It should be interesting to see how the show goes without him actually in the arena though. Let’s get to it.

Jeff Jarrett arrives in Surfer Sting attire.

Opening sequence.

It’s so strange to see a full arena at Nitro.

Elix Skipper vs. Rey Mysterio

Skipper now has his own theme song which I actually have on my iPod to this day. The fans are VERY excited to see Tygress, who is in Rey’s corner. The ring bell sounds very different here which isn’t something you expect to be all that different in a different country. Feeling out process to start with Elix getting tired of the early wrestling and knocking Rey in the mouth.

A big flip dive over the top takes Mysterio down again but a slingshot…..something only hits the mat. Rey shows he’s still got the flying abilities with a top rope Fameasser (one of the few moves that both Mysterio and Cena do), followed by a springboard moonsault for two. For some reason Skipper tries to walk the ropes (ala Undertaker) into a hurricanrana and the botch is nothing short of spectacular.

Instead he settles for a chinlock for a bit until Rey hits a surprisingly strong clothesline. It helps when your opponent isn’t the biggest guy in the world but you still don’t see that from Rey too often. A good looking springboard flip dive to the floor takes Skipper down again. Back in and Rey casually ducks Skipper’s springboard crossbody and scores with the Bronco Buster (complete with rhythmic squeaks from Tygress). Cue Torrie to go after Tygress and the distraction sets up the Play of the Week (formerly the Overdrive) to give Skipper the upset pin.

Rating: C+. This worked well here and there was an actual story instead of just doing moves to each other. The idea that both guys could fly but Skipper didn’t have the experience to tone things down just a bit to make them work is actually interesting and gives respect to Rey at the same time for being able to hold up against an incredible athlete like Skipper but being smart at the same time. Really nice surprise here.

The Boogie Knights try to borrow Torrie for the night but get turned down. It’s amazing how natural she looks after a catfight. Not a hair out of place and perfect makeup a minute after that brawl really is amazing.

David Flair arrives in a blood mobile.

Here are the Natural Born Thrillers without Reno for some reason. Sanders gets right to the point and says he’s the new WCW Commissioner, which should probably require a bigger explanation than it’s receiving here. Tonight we’re getting a Down Underwear match between Torrie Wilson and Tygress, which is of course a Bra and Panties match. Sanders brings up Russo and the fans seem to hate him all over the world.

Before Sanders can get to Goldberg, here’s the Cat to cut him off. A brawl is teased but Sanders is smart enough to hide behind the Thrillers. It’s true that Russo put Sanders inside so Cat wants to work together. Why he would want to do that after it’s already established that the Commissioner was above Russo isn’t clear but I’d rather not hear the explanation. Cat wants to work with Sanders to make this a party and he’s got some friends who want to join him. This brings out the Misfits in Action and it’s time for a dance off, only to have Cat and company clean house.

Stacy Keibler, now showing a bit, arrives.

Jarrett introduces himself to catering but says it’s SHOWTIME.

Tag Team Titles: Sean O’Haire/Mark Jindrak vs. Boogie Knights

Disco and Wright are challenging. Jindrak works on Alex’s arm to start as Tony hypes up Halloween Havoc. A nice tilt-a-whirl slam drops Wright but Disco gets in a Duck shot (Madden: “That duck’s dynamite!”) to take over. Disco comes in with a middle rope elbow for two but it’s quickly off to Sean to put us back to even. O’Haire makes Disco look tiny and the right hands only hit air.

Instead the champs LAUNCH Disco across the ring but Wright crotches Sean to break up the Seanton Bomb. A Russian legsweep/missile dropkick combination drops Jindrak but the champs come right back with a double kick for two. O’Haire actually throws something like a superkick towards Mark so Jindrak can tag his boot. I’ve never seen that before but it’s kind of brilliant.

Wright rolls around and makes the hot tag to Disco (who is an Inferno remember) and house is cleaned. Tony: “I can’t believe it! Disco is looking great!” Everything breaks down and the referee gets bumped. A Chartbuster drops Mark for the pin and the titles but Sanders comes out to say that doesn’t count because of the referee. The rest of the Thrillers come in for the DQ anyway.

Rating: C. Oh yeah things are already looking a lot better around here. Well as far as the wrestling goes at least as the booking really isn’t working. O’Haire and Jindrak are the champions but they’re looking worse and worse every single week as they couldn’t even beat the Boogie Knights without help. The action was actually good here though as the Thrillers can go but they need to be treated as something serious instead of goons who keep surviving.

Actually scratch that DQ as Sanders says restart the match so the champs can get an easy pin.

Goldberg arrives.

Some WCW women went to play with koalas.

Jarrett says buy the Sting MasterCard even though he has no heart.

Mark Madden calls out Stacy Keibler to talk about the pregnancy. Madden gets right to the point and asks who the father is. Stacy correctly says it’s none of our business but David Flair needs to drop all this stuff. If David has to blame someone, blame her because she made a mistake. She still loves David though but he wants her to cut this out. Madden asks if Stacy won’t say because she can’t remember who the father was. Or maybe she was drunk or has been with so many men that it could be anyone.

Stacy tries to storm off but here’s David to cut her off. David asks what she likes about Buff but Stacy says that was innocent flirting. That’s not good enough as David wants a blood test right now but That 70s Crowbar comes out before he can put a needle in her. Crowbar offers to go have a talk with him in the back but David beats him down instead. What does it say about your career when you’re ripping off a bad character AND getting beaten down by Mike Awesome? Even Zack Ryder thinks you’ve been buried at that point. Mike Awesome comes out to make the save.

Jarrett says he has a treat for all his Little Stingers and it’s only going to cost them $15 a pop. I’m still not sure why these two are feuding but as usual the story is being done way harder than it needs to be when they should just be having a good old fashioned fifteen minute match.

Tygress vs. Torrie Wilson

Bra and Panties match but both of them start in stereotypical Australian clothes. It’s a brawl to start (well as brawling as they’re going to get) as Madden says he’d get in Torrie’s pouch. If she was a kangaroo that is. Tygress loses her top, Torrie loses her shorts and crawls into position for a Bronco Buster, followed by Tygress ripping off the top for the win. Nothing match here for the obvious purposes.

Post match Shane Douglas comes in to go after Tygress but Konnan makes the save, just like he did last time.

Sanders gives Vito a match for later tonight.

Here’s Jarrett to Sting’s Metallica music while still in the Surfer Sting gear. Jarrett forces Dave Penzer to introduce Sting. The ring is full of autograph tables and merchandise. Jarrett walks around and says that Sting will be retiring after losing at Halloween Havoc. “Sting” may have lost his smile but he can still sign autographs for $15 each. Cue the real Sting from the ceiling but Jeff poses at him anyway meaning house is quickly cleaned.

They fight over by the announcers’ table but Jeff comes back and gives Sting a Stinger Splash. A suplex puts Sting through the table but he pops back up and punches in the corner (likely because it was just a suplex), followed by the Deathlock. Security breaks it up to end the best Nitro segment in months. Jarrett was doing a great Sting impression and Sting coming out was the right way to go with this. I actually want to see them fight at Halloween Havoc now and that’s exactly what they needed to do.

Steiner says he’ll take care of Jarrett.

Mike Sanders/Kevin Nash vs. Booker T./The Cat

Booker and Mike get things going with Sanders getting kicked in the face. It’s off to Cat for more kicks, a crotch chop, and a shot to the face. Nash hits Cat in the back from the apron and Mike takes over with a Ted DiBiase falling punch. The tag off to Nash gets a big pop and it’s time for the slow, plodding heel offense. Cat gets in a double clothesline and makes the hot tag off to Booker. Sanders gets beaten down and Booker loads up the Bookend, only to bring in Cat for the Feliner and the pin.

Rating: D. This may not have been the best match in the world but at least they had a match that was built up and followed a formula to a clean ending. I’ll take something like this over whatever mess Russo usually runs, which would likely have included multiple run-ins, interference and a heel turn instead of just a four minute match which was fine enough.

Cat goes to talk to some karate fighter as Scott Steiner comes in to clean house. Steiner promises to end Booker at Halloween Havoc but wants to fight Sting tonight.

David Flair wants Awesome in a hardcore match.

Vito has Goldberg tonight but they don’t have any personal issues.

Goldberg vs. Big Vito

The Mafia Kick is no sold and the two moves continue the new Streak.

Goldberg leaves and here’s Johnny the Bull to stomp on Vito, which draws Goldberg back for the save. A suplex and Jackhammer apparently counts as a win to make Goldberg 5-0. Kronik comes out for the staredown.

A car arrives.

Mike Awesome vs. David Flair

Hardcore. Mike clotheslines him down and brings in the weapons as neither guy is in wrestling gear. That’s too passe for them you see. David gets in some trashcan shots but Awesome shrugs them off and keeps up the beating. A big chair shot to the head drops David as we hear about Sonny Bono and Bob Dylan. Back in and some chops have no effect on Awesome, setting up the splash and powerbomb to put David away with ease.

Rating: D. No reason for this to be hardcore but well done on making sure that the Hardcore Champion isn’t even on the show while someone else wins a hardcore squash. If nothing else at least there was a coherent story to get to this match and someone won it without any interference or some story altering turn. That alone is a step in the right direction.

Ric Flair got out of the car and comes to the ring as Awesome loads up a table for David. Awesome is ready to powerbomb him but Ric calls him off. David still wants nothing to do with him.

Major Gunns asks Kwee Wee for a new outfit because Kwee Wee is still the wardrobe guy. So he’s just a part time wrestler? Lance Storm drags her off.

US Title: Lance Storm vs. Konnan

Storm is defending and doesn’t like Australian fans either. Apparently there’s something wrong with the top rope which is a reference to something about the gymnastics setup being off at the 2000 Olympics. Well a then topical joke is better than nothing. Madden: “Major Gunns is such a tramp they named the trampoline after her.” Konnan spins out of a wristlock to start as everyone else is sent to the back.

Storm gets in a few dropkicks to take over and drops him with a backbreaker for two. A small package gets a very close two for Konnan and he makes his comeback with the usual, including the facejam. Cue Shane Douglas to hit Konnan in the back with a chain (and the referee LOOKS RIGHT AT HIM) to set up a northern lights suplex for two. The Maple Leaf retains Storm’s title a few seconds later. That’s quite the odd finish as the interference really should have set up the finish.

Rating: D+. The interference didn’t need to happen but at least they tied something together to the pay per view. Storm was holding this together well enough and the match wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Canada vs. Animals didn’t break out here and it’s a lot better to just let it be a regular match instead of part of some big stable war.

Sting vs. Scott Steiner

Jeff Jarrett comes out and let’s make him guest referee due to reasons. Steiner (in the protective mask once again) can’t get in a cheap shot to start and Sting stomps in the corner until a single forearm to the back drops the painted one. They head outside for a bit until Sting heads back inside to beat up the referee. Madden: “YOU CAN’T CRUSH THE REFEREE’S GONADS LIKE THAT!” Jeff whips Sting into a belly to belly for a fast two and we hit the Tree of Woe so Steiner can choke away. A regular referee comes in and eats a forearm and it’s time to keep up the beating.

Sting tries to send Scott into the buckle but doesn’t notice THE BIG PLASTIC MASK and earns himself a low blow. Scott charges into a boot in the corner but Jeff gets in the way of the Stinger Splash. The heels start working together and beat on Sting with a hard whip sending him into the steps. Cue the Cat and Booker T. in a referee shirt (Stevie: “He’s got a referee shirt on! And some very nice slacks!”) and Steiner eats a superkick, setting up the Death Drop for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was your usual insane main event with almost no coherence but I do like that they didn’t even bother trying to have a wrestling match for the most part. However, was there ANY reason to have Steiner take the loss here? You have Sting getting ready for the match with Jarrett so wouldn’t it make sense to have him fight but then get screwed over so you can show that Sting has heart, only to have Jeff say he doesn’t? Either way, they did what they could here but it was an angle instead of a match.

Overall Rating: D. That’s a different kind of D than most of the other shows as this one was at least coherent instead of some kind of huge mess that parodied wrestling on a weekly basis. The show itself wasn’t anything worth seeing but at least there wasn’t anything horrible here. The bigger crowd and the lack of Russo running around made this show so much easier to sit through. It still needs a lot of work but it’s FAR better than most of the nonsense I’ve been sitting through with WCW lately.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Nitro #260
Date: October 2, 2000
Location: Cow Palace, San Francisco, California
Attendance: 2,666
Commentators: Mark Madden, Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone

Tonight is the night. After several months, if not years, of waiting we FINALLY get to see what the wrestling world has been waiting for: Mike Tenay is getting in the ring for a match. Yes indeed. Somehow, this is the point we’ve reached. We also might find out something about the fate of the World Title and Russo has a surprise for Goldberg on top of it, but Tenay is wrestling tonight. Let’s get to it.

On a side note, check out the attendance. Back in February 1998, the same arena did 12,620 for SuperBrawl VIII. Earlier in 2000, also at the Cow Palace, they drew 8,569 for SuperBrawl X. In six months they’ve lost about 6,000 fans and in two and a half years they’ve lost 10,000 fans. In two and a half years, 10,000 have decided that they don’t want to waste their money on WCW anymore.

That’s ignoring the fact that those were pay per views, meaning this show was likely cheaper. Also, less than 2,000 of these tickets were actually paid. If you want to see (arguably) the biggest reason why WCW died, there it is: people stopped coming to see it. If San Francisco, which wasn’t even a major city for them, has shed 10,000 paying fans in less than three years, how bad do you think it is around the country? On top of THAT, how bad do you think the arena is going to look with a minimum of 10,000 empty seats?

Here are the Filthy Animals with the Disqo Duck. After Konnan suggests that Disqo has been, ahem, enjoying one of the Duck’s holes, Konnan wants to hang the Duck above the ring and have a ladder match RIGHT NOW. Madden: “It’s duck season, not wabbit season.”

Konnan/Rey Mysterio vs. Boogie Knights

That would be Disqo/Alex Wright of course. The announcers sound terrified that they could possibly be called the Boogie Knights in a semi-funny bit. This is a ladder match with Wright springboarding in to take over, allowing Disqo to crush Konnan with the ladder in the corner. Rey comes in with a Thesz Press using the ladder and puts the Knights inside and underneath said ladder, setting up an Atomic Arabian Facebuster to crush both guys.

The double Nutcracker Suite keeps the Knights down and Rey flip dives over the top to take Alex out. A Last Dance allows Disqo to climb (Hudson: “A last chance for the duck snatch!”) but Rey takes him down with a sunset bomb. Konnan climbs up and gets the Duck for the win in less than five minutes.

Rating: D+. So the match is four and a half minutes, the Knights lose their first match, AND THEY WERE FIGHTING OVER A DUCK. What am I supposed to say to this? Madden making duck puns was the most entertaining thing in the match. As in him saying the Knights were “mallardjusted” and losing as a result. That’s your highlight here.

Post match the Knights beat the Animals down with the Duck.

David Flair brings in a man wearing a hood and bound by handcuffs. Tonight the man is going to confess, which presumably means he’s the father.

Russo, now out of his neck brace, says he’s not an athlete so he’s relinquishing the World Title. That means we’re getting a title match tonight between Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner for the vacant belt. As for Goldberg, he showed what a coward he was last week and he’s lucky that Russo didn’t file charges for assault. This brings Goldberg to the ring to call out Russo, who says he’s got plans. Hopefully those plans involve actually looking at the camera instead of being just a few inches off like he was in the promo.

Cue Russo in a Popemobile (with Borash driving) as Goldberg plows through security. Russo wants Goldberg to feel his pain so he’s got an idea. Starting tonight, Goldberg has to break his streak of 176-0 to get another shot at the World Title. If he loses once, he’s out of WCW. Goldberg goes after Borash and finds the keys but cue Meng to attack Goldberg with the Death Grip. Russo announces Meng as Goldberg’s first opponent for later tonight.

Now this is an idea I can get behind a bit more than most of Russo’s nonsense because there’s an actual plot. You can see where this should go over the next few months with a clear hero and villain. In other words, things are a bit calmer and in theory, Goldberg will get his hands on Russo at some point. Unfortunately that’s something so rare in WCW that it’s really hard to get behind it.

Russo says he’s leaving tonight so Mike Sanders is in charge. Sanders leaves the room and Russo tells Borash to keep an eye on Mike tonight.

Actor Chuck Zito is out for commentary.

Hardcore Title; Sgt. AWOL vs. Reno

The title is vacant coming in. AWOL knocks Reno out of the air with a trashcan to start and it’s already time for a chair. Reno comes back and goes after Zito for no apparent reason before pounding on AWOL even more. Cue Big Vito to cane Reno, allowing AWOL to chokeslam Reno through a table for the pin and the title.

Post match here’s Sanders to say that Reno is champion due to the interference.

The Cat has announced that Booker T. and Sting are the top two contenders instead of Jarrett and Steiner.

David has handcuffed the hooded guy to a dressing room rack. The hooded guy has some very large arms.

Here are Shane and Torrie to talk about being the real first couple of wrestling. Torrie wants to see Shane in action and it’s time for a match.

Shane Douglas vs. Mike Awesome

Shane takes him right into the corner to start but Mike takes the fight to the floor. Lex Luger, who wrestled a match on Thunder, is sitting in the crowd as a fan. Awesome loads up a table (three matches so far and we’ve had a ladder and back to back tables) and tries for the Awesome Bomb, only to have Torrie open her top to show off a skin colored swimsuit top. The distraction lets Shane grab the Franchiser for the pin.

Tygress goes after Torrie post match and Konnan has to run out to save her from Shane.

Jarrett and Steiner want Sanders to fix this thing with Booker and Sting. Nash and the Thrillers come in and don’t say much.

Nash tries to give Sanders a pep talk to go after the Cat.

Video on Meng.

Meng says (yes says) that Goldberg dies tonight. Apparently if he loses, he’s out of WCW too.

Sanders has fixed things somehow.

Meng vs. Goldberg

Slugout, Meng misses a kick, spear, Jackhammer, pin in less than 40 seconds.

Goldberg says that’s #1 but here’s Kronik to beat Goldberg down. High Times plants him and apparently some souls have been sold.

Sanders’ solution: Steiner/Sting vs. Booker/Jarrett with the winning team facing each other for the title later tonight.

David pours water on the hooded guy. You can see the same rope tattoo that Buff Bagwell has on his arm.

Jeff Jarrett/Booker T. vs. Sting/Scott Steiner

Sting and Jarrett get things going with Sting avoiding a monkey flip attempt and hitting Jeff in the chest. The running bulldog sets up the Stinger Splash but a poke to the eye breaks up the Scorpion. It’s off to Booker vs. Steiner with Scott bailing to the floor as we’re already stalling. Back in and Steiner pounds him down until Booker hits a quick kick to the face.

Now it’s off to Sting vs. Booker to make things a bit more interesting. Booker’s headlock is countered with a hiptoss before it’s Sting grabbing a headlock of his own. This is straight out of the totally average match they had at Spring Stampede but the announcers called it amazing anyway. Steiner low bridges Booker out to the floor, only to get beaten down by Jarrett as things get weird again.

Things settle back down with Steiner clotheslining Booker and dropping the elbow. Booker gets tied up in the Tree of Woe but pops out like a daisy from the snow, setting up a spinebuster on Scott. Jeff comes in to stay on Steiner (still odd to see), only to get caught in a spinning belly to belly. Scott rolls over and makes the hot tag off to Sting as everything breaks down. The announcers try to figure out who is legal as Booker ax kicks Steiner. The side kick hits the referee (because of course) and Jarrett guitars Sting for the pin and the title match later.

Rating: C-. The match wasn’t the worst thing in the world as it had more time but the match was the usual brawling mess that they usually have. Above all else though, it’s clear that the wrestlers can go more than two minutes, which makes you wonder why they never do. My best guess: Vince Russo hates wrestling and has no idea how to make it actually work.

Cruiserweight Title: Elix Skipper vs. Mike Sanders

Skipper is ticked off that he has to face Sanders after Nash made fun of him last week (by calling Beetlejuice Elix). Skipper wants to fight Nash at the same time so here are all of the Thrillers. Nash has spent the last 45 minutes telling Beetlejuice that he’s sorry for calling him Skipper. We’re still not ready to go because Sanders has some rules. First of all, Team Canada is banned from ringside. Second, you have to win this match with a powerbomb. Third, let’s just make this a handicap match for fun.

Nash hits Elix in the head with a microphone and we’re ready to go. Sanders gets backdropped out of a powerbomb attempt and Elix kicks him in the head. Did I miss Team Canada turning face? Skipper covers for no count because there’s no powerbomb. That’s enough for Nash as he comes in and decks Skipper before talking about how these kids need to stop taking spots from the veterans.

As he’s talking, Elix goes to the top for a really long missile dropkick before hammering away on Nash. We look at Luger in the crowd again and miss Nash taking over again. Nash doesn’t like Skipper calling himself a Canadian so it’s a powerbomb to give Sanders the title. I’m not going to rate this due to how much of it was spent on miniature Nash promos but as usual it was an angle disguised as a match.

Goldberg tries to leave but Terry Taylor tells him that he has another match tonight.

Nash goes to take a shower when Team Canada jumps the Thrillers from behind. Lance Storm and Jim Duggan have the Thrillers cowering in all of ten seconds because that’s what WCW thinks of those guys.

Goldberg vs. Harris Brothers

A spear and a Jackhammer give Goldberg two pins in thirty seven seconds, as in two seconds faster than he beat Meng.

The Thrillers are begging Nash for help, even though the simple answer would seem to be BEAT THE CANADIANS TO A PULP BECAUSE THERE ARE ONLY TWO OF THEM RIGHT NOW.

The World Title match will now be a 49ers match. There will be a box at each corner with the belt in one of them. Whoever finds it is the champion. So the title is being decided in a scavenger hunt. Also note that the other three boxes will have weapons. Remember that.

David Flair brings out the guy in a hood. Flair slaps him in the head a few times and promises to embarrass him before removing the handcuffs. As expected, the guy immediately stands up and takes off the hood to reveal that it’s Buff Bagwell. The beating is quickly on and Buff scores with a Blockbuster before leaving.

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. Jeff Jarrett

The title is vacant coming in. Jarrett has no guitar and it’s actually really strange to not see it. They head outside to start with Jeff taking over. It’s already time for the first box and it’s…..a blowup doll. Yeah here we go. Booker comes back with a side slam and goes for another box which has a picture of Scott Hall. That’s actually used as a weapon as the picture is smashed over Jeff’s head, leaving him next to the doll.

Booker goes for a third box but Jeff sends him outside for a save. Jeff gets smart by hitting him in the head with a box but can’t get a piledriver. Instead Booker grabs one of his own onto the announcers’ table which doesn’t break in an always scary looking sight. That means it’s time to open the third box, which contains a glove.

There’s nothing special about the glove (it looks like one you might use while working in your yard) but the announcers declare it a coal miner’s glove, meaning it would be weighted. You know what? Well done by them for trying to make this even the slightest bit serious. Russo clearly isn’t going to give them anything to work with so it’s nice to see them trying to do it themselves.

Jeff takes Booker down and grabs the glove, though you have to wonder why he isn’t going after the only box left which must contain the title. A glove shot to the ribs allows Jarrett to pose before breaking another box over Booker’s head instead of going for the box. Booker pops back up for the save, only to eat a gloved shot to the jaw.

Jeff STILL won’t go up so it’s time for a sleeper. To be fair, Booker was up quickly after the shot to the jaw, which shows another problem of the match: the guys have been fighting over the glove like it means something but they can’t decide if it knocks the other guy out or not. Booker easily fights out of the sleeper and grabs one of his own, only to get suplexed down.

Back up and Jeff tries a top rope glove shot to the head but dives into a Bookend. Jeff makes another save but the Stroke is countered into the ax kick. ANOTHER save keeps us going and Booker’s ax kick hits the ropes. An electric chair out of the corner drops Booker but Jeff STILL WON’T CLIMB. Cue Beetlejuice of all people to hit Jeff low, allowing Booker to get the box down for the win and the title.

Rating: C. This one might require some explanation. Yeah the match sucked, yeah there was a severe lack of logic and yeah there were a ton of holes here, but I don’t put that on the wrestlers. It’s not their fault that they had fifteen minutes to spend on a ridiculous gimmick that the booker clearly wasn’t taking seriously. Maybe this could have gone better had five matches (out of an eight match show) combine to go ten minutes and they didn’t have to stall as long as they did before the ending involving a “celebrity”. This was horrible, but I’m not about to blame that on the guys who were asked to make something out of this disaster.

Post match Steiner comes out to hit Booker with a pipe and put Beetlejuice in the Recliner to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. So Goldberg runs through people to start a new segment (fine enough in theory but I have no reason to believe it works long term) and then the rest of the show is all downhill from there. There’s just way too much insanity at this point and it’s almost impossible to keep track of what’s going on out there. As usual you have gimmicks all over the place, illogical stories and ideas and the old guys being pushed instead of the new talent who could use a rub. The problem continues to be the same thing as always: Vince Russo doesn’t know how to book a wrestling show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Nitro #259
Date: September 25, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

We have arrived. If you’ve read this far, you probably know what’s coming and you know there’s no way around it. Tonight we’re in Vince Russo’s hometown and he’s in a cage match for the WCW World Title. This is a show I’ve been dreading for a long time, even though it was pretty obviously coming months ago. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video designed like an inspirational sports story on Vince Russo, who has climbed the ladder to earn his destiny here in his hometown. Ignore the lines about him “growing up and wanting to be WCW Champion” as he would have gotten the WWWF and the WCW World Title didn’t exist until he was nearly thirty years old.

Opening sequence.

Earlier today Russo and Jeremy Borash arrived with JB now acting as Russo’s biggest fan. Russo: “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP???”

Big Vito vs. Johnny the Bull

The announcers swoon over Vito’s sister Maria, who is sitting in the front row. This is a stick ball bat vs. a kendo stick match because those are different things (as well as extra phallic objects along with the pipe and baseball bat). Vito slugs away in the corner but gets taken down by a stick shot to the ribs.

The fans chant for Vito (also from New York of course) as he’s down in the corner, followed by a spinwheel kick from Johnny. Naturally the announcers preview the swimsuit contest later as they’re not even hiding the cheap ratings ploy. Vito comes back with some stick shots of his own and kicks Johnny into the ropes, setting up even more stick shots.

That would be the kendo stick of course because Vito is just that versatile. Cue Reno with a kendo stick of his own to lay out Vito before tying him in the Tree of Woe for sticks to the ribs. Maria jumps the barricade to shield Vito….and THAT’S the DQ instead of Reno pounding on him for a minute and a half.

Rating: D. The only good thing here was the very pretty Maria but I have a feeling where this is going. You know she’s related to one of them and there’s some backstory here, which to be fair is a much more interesting and coherent story (in theory at least) than most of the goofy stuff we get around here.

According to the announcers, that was an I Quit match and Maria did the submitting for him. I’m so glad they got around to that after plugging MAJOR GUNNS IS GOING TO BE IN A BIKINI LATER!

The announcers preview the main event.

Earlier this week, David Flair hijacked a pay phone and it’s attached phone book to find the baby father’s address. Thank goodness they showed him finding the address at THIS phone booth because there’s no other phone booth on the planet.

Here are Jarrett/Steiner/Midajah with something to say. Jarrett promises us a new champion tonight because the hometown boy is going to bring home the gold. Steiner can’t believe that people boo him when they cheer for the New York sports teams. We get an insult to a New York Jet and some shots at Goldberg before Steiner introduces Russo for some sucking up to the fans.

Russo lists off some great names in New York sports and says his name is going up in the rafters next to theirs. However, now he lives in Atlanta, where they have NASCAR, the Georgia Bulldogs (having a bad year at this point), cousins breeding with cousins and John Rocker. Russo doesn’t care much for Rocker, who went on some big rant about how much he hates New York City around this time. Cue Sting and Booker on the screen because we’re still not done talking about Russo. Sting says he has Booker’s back tonight but for now, Russo needs to turn around. Russo does just that and Goldberg is in the crowd.

Mike Sanders comes in to see Kronik, who are out of the tag team battle royal as per Russo’s orders. So the Thrillers are officially errand boys?

Tag Team Titles: Battle Royal

Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera, Mark Jindrak/Sean O’Haire, 3 Count (all three members), Harris Brothers, Corporal Cajun/Lieutenant Loco, Jung Dragons (Jamie-San/Kaz Hayashi)

Last team standing wins the vacant titles and both members have to be eliminated. It’s a brawl to start of course as Konnan sits in on commentary, promising vengeance on Disqo and the Duck. Hayashi takes an H Bomb and is eliminated a few seconds later, laving Jamie-San on his own. Shane is sent over the top and through a table (of course) and here’s Kronik, who may or may not actually be in the match.

The Harris Brothers are put out in seconds and it’s time for Kronik to clean house. Adams dumps Jamie-San and Shannon, meaning all of 3 Count is eliminated because we missed Evan somewhere. There go the Misfits until security comes in to mace Kronik. We’re down to just the Thrillers vs. the Animals with Juvy fighting back as the Animals take over.

Rey gets crotched though (Hudson: “He got his bronco busted.”) and a Seanton Bomb makes it even worse. Cue Disqo to hit Juvy with the Duck (no effect of course), allowing Jindrak and O’Haire to dump him. The bell rings but Rey is still in, which we’ll call a referee screwup. O’Haire crotches Rey on top and Jindrak clotheslines him out for the titles.

Rating: D. More overbooked nonsense here as they could have just as easily done O’Haire/Jindrak vs. the Animals with the same finish or had the Animals defend in the battle royal. Instead they vacate the titles and have Kronik taken out for no explained reason (likely for not destroying Stevie well enough on Thunder), only to have Kronik make the entire division look like a joke. Well done indeed, as usual.

Pamela Paulshock is in the back with Howard Stern’s Wack Pack. Guess what they have to say. Of note, Paulshock is in a fur coat, which will come into play later. Nash and the Thrillers come in to interrupt them with Nash getting the only good line as he refers to Beetlejuice (a dwarf) as Elix.

Insane Clown Posse vs. Mike Awesome

This is over the bus and seems to be hardcore. Before the match, Violent J says Vampiro is out due to a broken spleen or something. We hear about some JCW wrestlers being hardcore but Mike is dead, just like the 70s. J actually isn’t a bad talker. Awesome drives the bus into the arena (thank goodness he was behind the wheel and right outside) and comes out swinging a fire extinguisher.

Shaggy hits him in the head with a trashcan and they pull Awesome on top of the bus. J is knocked off the engine and through a table, followed by an Awesome Bomb onto the top of the bus to Shaggy, who falls down to the concrete for the pin. This was a segment disguised as a match and really didn’t need to do that big spot.

David Flair, now with a camera in his car, goes to Chuck E. Cheese for directions. Since there’s already a camera set up inside, David is seen yelling at a worker and then searching through the ball pit for the father.

Here are Cat and Ms. Jones with the former calling out Russo. Cat is going to have Booker’s back tonight and promises to fire anyone who tries to interfere tonight. This brings out Mike Sanders with a ball bat. Mike: “Did somebody say Natural Born Thrillers?” Cat: “No. I said natural born ratings killers.” Egads man even the roster knows your show sucks at this point. The crowd swears at Sanders so the audio cuts out for a few moments before Sanders tells Cat to reverse that threat of a firing. The fight is on so here are Nash and the Thrillers for the big beatdown. Mark: “SPAY THE CAT!”

It’s time for the bikini contest with Gene and Pamela (still in fur coat) as emcees and the Wack Pack as judges. By the way: this is opening the second hour against Raw. The contestants (Chae, Chiquita, Torrie Wilson, Tygress, Paisley, Leia Meow and Major Gunns) come out and kind of disrobe, as some of them take their robes off while some open them but don’t take them off. Gunns goes last and has an American swimsuit, drawing out Jim Duggan to take her to the back.

The judges aren’t sure who wins so Pamela decides it’s time to take off her coat, naturally revealing a barely there top. She wins, so the actual contestants fight until Midajah comes out for one of the worst slams I’ve ever seen on Meow. The women looked good but when I can be watching Trish and Lita actually starting to develop as characters and having matches, this stops doing anything for me. Oh and over on Raw: Austin was recently back from injury and opening the show before Rock and Benoit had a World Title match later on. Guess how the ratings went.

Steiner is in the back for an interview when Goldberg attacks him.

Here are Disqo and his Duck, the former of whom doesn’t think much of the Animals. He wants to introduce his new partner but gets beaten down by Steiner. Scott calls out Goldberg, who immediately accepts but wants it in a cage with no referee.

Goldberg vs. Scott Steiner

Inside Caged Heat with ten seconds’ build. They brawl on the floor with Goldberg choking away as the cage is lowered. Goldberg throws him inside as the bell rings and my head shakes at how stupid this company really is. Steiner gets beaten down for the first minute or so until Scott comes back with a spinning belly to belly. A top rope clothesline puts Goldberg down, only to have him come back with a butterfly suplex.

There’s a low blow to put Goldberg down as Midajah comes out and just walks in to hand the pipe to Steiner. However, the New York Jet that Steiner insulted earlier jumps the barricade and keeps Steiner from leaving. Goldberg comes back with a spear (right into the pipe for no effect because the script doesn’t call for it) before walking out to win.

Rating: D-. Whenever you hear people praise Steiner vs. Goldberg, the automatic question is why didn’t they do it again at Starrcade. Well apparently that’s because they did it here, eight days later, inside the Cell in a match that didn’t even make five minutes and was more about a member of the New York Jets than any kind of revenge. Oh and again: THEY ANNOUNCD THIS SIX MINUTES BEFORE THE BELL.

You might think that the rematch of one of the most physical matches ever inside a cage would be a good way to open against this week’s Raw, but that spot was reserved for women in swimsuits, High Pitch Eric and Crackhead Bob. It’s the same short term thinking and the hope that people just happened to change the channel during the commercials for Raw and tune in to see whatever the latest thing WCW was rushing through at this point. I mean, it’s not like anyone was going to buy a pay per view to see these two fight so why not just throw it out here?

Goldberg says Russo is next.

Jeff Jarrett hits Beetlejuice with the guitar.

Booker promises backup for the main event. Thankfully he also has some devastating catchphrases to do some early damage to the boss.

General Rection vs. Jeff Jarrett

Rection shrugs off Jarrett’s early attack in the corner but misses a top rope elbow. Madden accuses the General of being a draft dodger as a sitout powerbomb gets two on Jeff. Cue Team Canada for a distraction, allowing Duggan to hit Rection with the board, setting up the Stroke to give Jeff the pin. Nothing match.

Jarrett puts Rection in the Figure Four until the Misfits come out for the save. That fails of course because the Misfits suck so it’s Sting coming out for the real save. The Canadians run but Storm wants Sting in a non-title match right now.

Sting vs. Lance Storm

This could be interesting. Joined in progress after a break with Storm in control and hitting that great dropkick for two. Three straight clotheslines have Storm in trouble but he crotches Sting on top. An elbow sends Storm to the floor where the Stinger Splash that always hits the barricade hits the barricade again. Back in and Storm gets two off a powerbomb but Sting starts his usual comeback. Storm however is CANADIAN and counters the Deathlock attempt into the Maple Leaf. After the rope is reached, Sting suplexes him down and puts on the Death Drop for the pin.

Rating: C. Fine little match here, even though it was a clean pin on the US Champion. To be fair though, it was Sting instead of some goon to set up a title shot. I can actually live with that a lot more easily as Sting is one of the biggest names ever in WCW and a loss doesn’t do him that much damage. On a related side note: Lance Storm lost and regained the US Title from Terry Funk on the house show circuit over the weekend. As you might guess, this wasn’t mentioned on TV.

David Flair goes inside and demands that the father come out. Then it turns out he has the wrong house so he goes next door but no one is home. Apparently the guy is out of town, whoever he is. How the person who tells David that the father isn’t home knows who the father is isn’t clear as they somehow never said the guy’s name.

Russo, in football pads and carrying a helmet, promises to win tonight.

The cage is lowered.

WCW World Title: Vince Russo vs. Booker T.

You can win by pin or escape and JB is on commentary. Russo jumps him with the bat to start as a bunch of people are guarding the door to keep Russo inside. Back up and Russo blasts him in the chest with the bat and throws in a ladder. There’s a third bat shot so Russo can go up and tear the roof open, only to have the wrestlers waiting on him. Sting repels down from the ceiling to stop Russo as well, allowing Booker to slam him for the champ’s first offense.

Russo loses the helmet and gets punched in the face, followed by a superkick. They head outside for some slow brawling but LEX LUGER of all people returns to give Russo a lead pipe through the cage. Therefore, Russo gets to beat the champ down even more before shoving the referee down. The EMTs get beaten down….save for one who is Ric Flair. Ric beats Russo down until the Thrillers come out to brawl with everyone at ringside, leaving Booker to ax and side kick Russo.

Like any schnook though, Booker grabs the mic for his catchphrase instead of leaving. Cue Goldberg to slowly come down the ramp, which freezes Booker at the door for absolutely no reason. Even Scott Hudson screams at Booker to leave. Instead he lets Goldberg in as Scott Steiner comes out to guard the door. Goldberg spears Russo through the cage wall to make him the champ, but Booker high fives Goldberg anyway to end the show.

Rating: Vince Russo. I wrote most of this on Monday but I had to wait a few days to be able to start talking about it. This is something that I knew was coming but I actually had to take a break and process what I just sat through. The match itself is of course inconsequential but the big thing here is of course, Russo, as always.

I’m actually struggling to come up with a way to rip on this match. It’s one of those things that you know is horrible on all counts but it’s hard to go into why. Above all else, and this is a spoiler (for a show fifteen and a half years old), the problem is that this show meant nothing. Booker would get the title back a week later by beating Jeff Jarrett, making this whole thing a big waste of time.

This was Russo’s last match in WCW as his injuries (the real ones, not the ones that caused him to have brain surgery like two weeks ago) kept him out of the ring. I know I’m supposed to feel sorry for him about that but I’ve sat through six months of Russo putting himself over Flair, Goldberg, and now Booker for the title. Now I’m supposed to care about his injuries and feel bad that he had to vacate the belt and not wrestle anymore?

The whole thing was nothing more than a vanity project for Russo as he’s actually turned the promotion and the company’s World Title into a trophy for himself. I mean, I know we talk about Hogan and his friends turning the company into a huge vanity project that was all a playground for themselves, but that’s exactly what Russo has managed to do here. This whole company is now about Russo and whatever makes him look good.

Why would ANYONE want to watch this company again? It’s not about the wrestling or the title anymore. They have now decided that Russo getting to win a title that he “wanted since he was a kid” was more important than Booker, Goldberg (the two of whom looked like morons to end the show) or anything else that could possibly be going on here.

Oh and on top of that: Russo dominated WAY too much of the match. Remember St. Valentine’s Day Massacre when Austin fought McMahon, and by fought I mean absolutely destroyed for most of the match until a low blow slowed Austin down for like thirty seconds? This was Russo beating on Booker with a bat until a bunch of interference changed things around and set up the finish.

Finally, and speaking of McMahon, no this isn’t the same thing as when McMahon won the title a year earlier. For one thing, McMahon winning the title was a nice surprise as he was a face at the time and gave the fans something they wanted to see, unlike Russo who gave himself something he wanted to see. It also helped that McMahon had taken a loss or two here and there. Like him or not, you can’t deny that McMahon will get beaten whenever the story calls him for him to.

Third, look at where the promotions were at the time. The WWF was on fire and absolutely crushing WCW in the ratings. Russo’s title win came when WCW hadn’t won a night in the Monday Night Wars in nearly two years. The solution is to give the heel writer (as in the person who isn’t the owner or the official boss) the title to make himself feel better in his hometown while taking it off Booker. In other words, everything was about Russo instead of something that might have helped advance a storyline. But hey, people still talk about this so Russo is totally justified in all of this right?

Overall Rating: F. In addition to the disaster that was the main event, we also have the rest of the show to make WCW look ridiculous. I can’t emphasize this enough: they gave away Steiner vs. Goldberg II in a nothing five minute match inside the Cell. That gets no time, but Russo’s cage match is given a week’s build because he’s a draw and a star?

In addition to that you have the usual way too high amount of gimmick matches for no logical reason other than “PEOPLE LOVE GIMMICK MATCHES”, wrestling that either has no time or is such a mess because they have nowhere to go without doing some stupid story. Oh and there’s the swimsuit contest, which made the women look like even bigger wastes of time than Russo thinks they are.

Overall, you can’t say this was the death of WCW because the company had clearly gone under way earlier than this though. Instead, this was taking WCW’s casket out of the tomb and robbing whatever Russo could get out of it for the sake of making himself look good. It’s one of those shows where you know what’s coming and it’s so depressing because there’s nothing that can be done about it. They made it clear a long time ago that this place is all about Russo and now they’ve only confirmed it. Normally I would say something like “enjoy your title Russo because you’ve killed it” but that would probably just make him laugh.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Thunder
Date: September 20, 2000
Location: Civic Center, Erie, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay

We’re in a world where Vince Russo is the #1 contender to the WCW World Title because that’s how things are supposed to go around here. Odds are tonight is going to be about setting up that huge showdown on Monday with Russo getting some MANLY promos or maybe even a quick MANLY match. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Nitro highlights.

Here’s Russo, flanked by security, to get things going, complete with the black paint under his eyes that football players wear. Stevie is groaning louder than usual over this and thinks he’s going to be sick. Russo talks about being ready to be champion in five days and knowing that Booker needs tonight off because he’s a street thug and the visiting team on Monday.

As for tonight though, Vince wants to have a warmup match so he calls out Stevie Ray. This brings Stevie up from commentary but Russo doesn’t want to see him. That’s quite the quick plot change. As part of his new character, Tenay says that if Stevie leaves, it means more time for Tony and himself to talk. Stevie walks around the side of the ramp as per Russo’s orders, leaving Russo to rant about Booker as Jarrett and Steiner arrive.

Steiner beats up the security and maces Russo before yelling about how he wants his title shot. Russo says they can have a triple threat against Sting later and then have all the title shots they want. Apparently Russo made Steiner (no) and Jarrett (ok yeah he kind of did), which is enough to make Russo run off, only to have Sting and Booker come in for the brawl.

Jeremy Borash takes Stevie’s place and is now shilling for Russo.

Jung Dragons vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Sanders/Jindrak/O’Haire. It’s Hayashi vs. Sanders to get things going for some armdrags and right hands before it’s off to Yang and O’Haire. Sean blocks a sunset flip because he’s a big guy and Yang is a rather small man by comparison. It’s off to Jindrak to throw Yang down with a Samoan Drop before Sean drops the Seanton. Jamie comes in off the top with a guillotine legdrop for the save at two though, meaning they’re actually not squashing the Dragons just yet. That doesn’t mean they’re being treated all that well though as Sanders has jumped in on commentary because the Dragons just aren’t a big threat.

Jamie tries to DDT the two guys actually in the ring but Jindrak plants him with a powerbomb. Everything breaks down and Jamie is thrown hard into the barricade as Sanders powerslams Kaz. The Dragons’ manager Leia Meow is whipping Jamie for taking his beating, followed by hitting a top rope seated senton for the pin on Sanders. The referee is just fine with this of course.

Rating: D+.What did the Thrillers do to tick this company off? In a few days now they’ve gotten beaten up by a retired Orndorff, Tygress and now the Jung Dragons. I mean, I know they were actually getting somewhere so in WCW that’s probably the right time to knock them back down the ladder and use them as a way to give Nash an angle.

Disqo is in the back with the Cat and Ms. Jones, the latter of whom throws his duck on the ground.

Russo tells a masked guy to sell for him later.

Disqo suggests Rey vs. Juvy in a #1 contenders match for the Cruiserweight Title later tonight. Again, how does he have this kind of authority?

It’s time for the Lava Lamp Lounge with the contestants in the Miss Nitro competition on Monday. Torrie is going first but Major Gunns cuts her off to talk about how large her chest is. Paisley and Tygress talk a bit and the fact that Awesome might be a judge makes thing even worse. It turns into a catfight with two Nitro Girls coming out to argue as well. The set is trashed again and Awesome is ticked off. So we’ve seen the Thrillers lose and Mike Awesome used to put over a swimsuit contest while Vince Russo is #1 contender.

Scott Steiner promises to win tonight.

There’s going to be a battle royal for the vacant Tag Team Titles on Monday. So far we have Kronik and Mysterio/Guerrera confirmed.

Vince Russo vs. Masked Heel

Russo has his helmet on, which is pretty low level protection after having brain surgery like two weeks ago. The Heel is introduced as an international shoot champion and a 28 time Olympian. His shirt says THE MASKED HEEL and he comes out to the Leave it to Beaver theme that Booker had to use earlier in the year or whenever that was. Russo chops him in the corner a few times and we get the Hogan hand to the ear. Borash is going on like Cole went on about Miz in a kind of funny bit.

A big boot mostly misses Heel’s fast and there goes the MANLY shirt for some posing. Russo tries a legdrop but looked like he was missing a dropkick instead. The Heel pops to his feet and starts no selling, including a spear bouncing off of him. The mask comes off and of course it’s Stevie Ray with a slap jack to Russo’s ribs. He’ll leave now though so Booker can have a piece on Monday. Therefore, Russo wins via DQ/countout or it’s a no contest, meaning he is STILL undefeated! My but that’s MANLY!

Post break, Russo sends Kronik after Stevie Ray. Do they follow his orders now?

Konnan approves of Disqo’s idea.

Paisley vs. Torrie Wilson

Kwee Wee and Shane are in on commentary for what could be rather entertaining if Kwee Wee is allowed to be himself. The match is of course a disaster of a catfight with Torrie shoving Paisley’s leg away, which draws Shane away from the five man booth for some reason. The guys brawl and Paisley rolls Torrie up for the pin.

Shane gives Paisley the Franchiser so here’s Tygress to jump on his back. Konnan has to come out for the save with his rolling clothesline, which Tenay calls a DDT because his spirit has been broken.

Russo and Sanders are talking in the back.

Here’s Team Canada with something to say. After a quick speech from Storm on how we should all join Canada, Duggan blames the American fans for his recent change of heart. With that, it’s time to burn the American flag. Cue the Misfits who are beaten down because Storm has a flag and Duggan has a big board, but the powers of a sex pun turn the tide. Rection tries to save the flag but Duggan beats him down instead, leaving the General to cover the flag with his body as he takes a beating.

Sanders puts a forklift in front of Booker’s door. Clearly he was the only man in the building capable of doing this and not like, a forklift driver or something.

Jarrett guarantees a win tonight.

Kronik vs. Stevie Ray

Stevie is still in the Masked Heel shirt. Borash: “Suckas are kinda curious about how this match is going to go.” Tags are required so Stevie pounds on Clark to no avail as we get things going. A good looking bicycle kick puts Clark down for two but Adams comes in to help out on a double elbow to take over.

Kronik shoulders him down as the announcers try to figure out if Adams and Clark are working for Russo or not. Stevie hits the slap jack but can’t hit the Slap Jack. Adams picks Stevie off with the full nelson slam and they load up High Time onto the chair, only to kick the chair away in a show of mercy. The regular High Time is enough for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was exactly what you would have been expecting, which is to say a match longer than it should have been (just over three minutes) and nothing interesting. Kronik having shades of gray isn’t a good idea either, especially if it leads to a double turn with the Harris Twins because one set of heel monsters is enough.

Remember that forklift in front of Booker’s door? It’s still there.

This Week In WCW Motorsports.

Russo yells at Kronik for not using the chair. The pair of giants’ response? Nothing of course.

Rey Mysterio vs. Juventud Guerrera

Remember when this was one of the best matches in WCW? Why did they stop with that? The winner gets a title shot at some point in the future. Konnan and Tygress sit in on commentary (of course) with Konnan going into an actually interesting history about how Mexico has a lot of different weight classes and how successful these two have been. They go to a knuckle lock to start and do the now standard series of flips into a double cover with both guys bridging up for the save.

Juvy scores with a DDT for the first real advantage and the guys are suddenly mad at each other. A double clothesline puts both of them down but it’s Juvy up first with a springboard spinning dropkick to send Rey outside. Juvy follows with a slingshot dive (Konnan: “Also called a pescado.” When did Konnan turn into the best commentator in WCW?) but gets powerbombed back inside. The Bronco Buster crushes Juvy as Konnan says Disqo has officially been thrown off the team. A nice spinning ankle scissors sends Juvy to the floor and Rey hits a dive of his own.

Back in and Rey springboards into a HARD sitout powerbomb for two. Rey landed on the back of his head there and it looked bad. Juvy’s springboard splash gets two and Rey grabs a bridging rollup for the same. Back up and Rey tries a standing Lionsault which is caught in the Juvy Driver for another near fall. Rey gets in a powerbomb of his own but Juvy flips him into a sunset flip for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B. You can’t go back to what you had with these two that easily but it was nice to see a flashback for a single night. I’m not sure what’s going on lately with Thunder but they’re actually letting us have the occasional good, clean match which shows how good the roster still can be. Unfortunately that makes it even harder to sit through how bad things really are as you know they can do better.

Disqo comes in post match and gets beaten down by the team.

Sting is ready for the triple threat.

3 Count vs. Harris Brothers

The beating is quickly on because the Harris Brothers are the real stars here and 3 Count can do whatever they want and actually have characters but it doesn’t mean anything because there’s nothing for them to do in WCW. On a side note: Ron is growing his hair out. That makes him so much more interesting by default. The H Bomb takes Shannon out but here are Kronik and the Thrillers to turn this into a preview of the battle royal and throw the match out.

This week’s interview is with Stacy Keibler and this week’s creepy Tenay line is when he asks if she needs a second hand to count all the people that she cheated with. Of course it was only one but Stacy won’t say who it is. Tenay actually thinks he could have gotten Stacy, “if it weren’t for the fact that I’m a married man with morals.” Stacy insists it wasn’t Ric Flair and leaves. Tenay: “Boy, she’s gonna make a great mother.”

The forklift is moved.

Scott Steiner vs. Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

Russo is out for commentary. Before the match, Steiner insults Goldberg, Booker, and Booker’s mama. If there is one thing you don’t do, it’s insult Mr. T.’s mother. It’s a brawl to start of course with Sting getting the better of it early on. Steiner comes back with a belly to belly though as Russo hijacks commentary to talk about his title match being inside Caged Heat. Oh yeah they’re building up on those swerves.

The heels double team Sting and here’s Booker T. in Sting gear. By gear I mean a singlet and a Sting mask with nothing else hiding his identity. Booker starts cleaning house with signature Sting stuff (and the referee is too stupid to notice the difference you see) until we get a Spinarooni. Sting comes back in and puts Russo in the Deathlock, only to have Jarrett hit Sting with the guitar…..AND THAT’S A DQ???

Rating: D. Nothing match but they’ve actually made WCW referees look even dumber than they already were. This company continues to make my head hurt as they do one stupid thing after another, such as Booker wearing a Sting mask being enough to fool the referee. Of course it doesn’t really matter as the announcers were focusing on Caged Heat being announced for Monday because it’s all about Russo.

Jarrett and Steiner put on their submissions to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Mysterio vs. Guerrera aside, this was the latest mess that focused WAY too much on Russo and had too many plot holes going on that stopped making sense. Booker being trapped was fine, but why in the world did Booker dress up like Sting? What did that change or enhance whatsoever, aside from making WCW look stupid? Bad show for the most part, but the worst is of course still yet to come.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AXP08DK

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Lucha Underground
Date: February 3, 2016
Location: Lucha Underground Temple, Boyle Heights, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker

Season two is on a roll to start as last week saw things hitting the ground running with Pentagon now as a major force for good and apparently targeting Mil Muertes. Other than that we need to find out where Dario Cueto is and whether or not he’s going to charge people to be murdered by Matanza. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s opening and Ultima Lucha. That’s quite the odd combination and it’s capped off by the new Dragon Azteca putting on his mask.

Prince Puma is working out in the back as he flashes back to the Mil Muertes lost. This brings in Pentagon Jr. to say they’re teaming tonight against the Disciples of Death. After that though, Pentagon is coming for him. They do a choreographed fight complete with sound effects before Pentagon walks away. Good talk guys. Well guy as Puma didn’t actually say anything.

The fans are chanting for Pentagon Jr. as Muertes (with his arm in a sling) is sitting on his throne again. Vampiro doesn’t want to talk about what happened last week.

Johnny Mundo vs. Killshot

I didn’t care much for Killshot last year. Killshot starts fast with a kick to the face before Matrixing into a nipup to avoid Johnny’s kick. They head outside with Killshot hitting a dive, only to get ripped in half by a spear. You don’t see Johnny do that too often but it looked really good. The fans try to get creative with a JOHNNY ZERO chant but it’s really not working.

Killshot comes back with something like a cutter, only to have Johnny kick him in the face. The End of the World is broken up with a superkick and a jumping hanging DDT. Killshot’s 450 gets a very close two but the referee gets bumped, allowing Mundo to kick Killshot low. The End of the World is enough to give Johnny the pin at 4:37.

Rating: C+. Killshot looked better than usual here and it was a good season debut for Mundo. He’s one of those guys that you can put into any spot on the card and he’s going to make it work through that X factor of his alone. Good match here and a really strong choice for an opener.

Post match Mundo calls out Muertes but gets Cage, now seemingly a BIG face, instead. Cage says he’s 100%, unlike that champion who has to sit on his throne. If Muertes wants a real challenge, Cage is ready to break him in half. Mundo is ready to fight right now but bails from Cage instead. Cage motions that he wants the title, allowing Mundo to get in a cheap shot. That’s fine with Cage as he runs Mundo over and presses him up, sending Johnny bailing.

See, this is where the seasons format works. They spent season one setting up these characters and now they’re putting them together in feuds. Mundo and Cage both looked awesome and now we get to see which is actually the better one. On top of that, everyone wants the title and a shot at the man sitting above them all to tie the whole thing together. That’s what the company should always be about: that heavyweight title.

Marty the Moth still has Sexy Star tied up and shows her….a dead moth. His sister has said that it’s time for them to go back to the temple so Star can blossom into a butterfly. This was REALLY creepy stuff and the Moth continues to show that you don’t know what you’re going to get in this promotion, which is one of its major strengths.

PJ Black (Justin Gabriel) is known as the Darewolf, who always wants the next big thrill. In this case it means beating up some bikers (naturally wearing lucha masks) outside of a hotel before coming to the Temple.

The Mack vs. PJ Black

Striker declares (Willie) Mack a cross between Joe Frazier and Porkchop Cash. Black headlocks him to start as Striker keeps using the Willie name, even though that’s not his name here. Vampiro kind of calls him out on it and it’s time for some chops (Vampiro: “He slapped the South African out of him right there.”). Mack gets the better of it for two, followed by a Samoan Drop and a standing moonsault for two on Black.

We get a Norvell Austin reference for absolutely no logical reason (Yes I get the reference and yes I know why Striker said it. It’s still just kind of dumb.) before Black flips out of a German suplex. A Blue Thunder Bomb and the top rope Lionsault get two on Mack but he rolls away before the 450 can launch. That’s probably good since Killshot used it in the first match. Black goes up for a springboard but dives into a Stunner (supposed to be a cutter but Black landed on his knees) for the pin at 4:45. Striker: “Looks like he failed his wellness test.”

Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this but I’ve never been the biggest Black fan in the world. He’s fine and does a great looking 450 but the rest of his body of work leaves something to be desired. Darewolf is fine enough for a character but I’m really not sure what the point is in having him lose to Mack of all people in his debut.

Kobra Moon, a new woman who looks like a vigilante super heroine, debuts next week.

Disciples of Death vs. Prince Puma/Pentagon Jr.

Handicap and I really hope the Disciples have individual names now. I mean, they did last time but it would be nice if they were repeated here. Vampiro talks about Pentagon Jr. taking the dark path to the light, basically confirming Pentagon’s face turn. The Disciples jump him from the start but Pentagon hits a quick flip dive to take all of them out. The numbers start catching up with our heroes though and we get into a more standard match. Puma gets beaten down for a bit until a kick to the face allows for the hot tag off to Pentagon.

The new hero starts firing off a bunch of Sling Blades and chops to the chest, only to get in a shoving match with his partner. Everything breaks down again and a hanging double arm DDT drops Puma. Striker starts using the proper names halfway through the match and yeah I’m not bothering. Puma drops one of the Disciples and hits the 630, only to have Pentagon tag himself in and steal the pin at 7:35.

Rating: D+. I really don’t like this style of booking as the Disciples are now looking like a set of three guys who just happen to be hanging out with Muertes and Catrina. It doesn’t help that they just lost clean to a two man team which had its own issues. The match itself wasn’t even very good as it felt all over the place and the ending just happened.

Post match Pentagon and Puma slug it out but Pentagon can’t break the arm, despite staring out at Vampiro.

We cut to the back for the final stinger. Someone is sitting with a hood over his face as someone else talks to him about Dragon Azteca being his mentor. The man in the hood is revealed as the new Dragon Azteca and the speaker says that is his new identity. The speaker wears a mask as well and he’s very happy with his own. We pan over and it’s…..REY MYSTERIO. That might get them some attention.

Overall Rating: C. This was a pretty big step down but as usual it helps to set up stuff for the future. Like, you know, Mysterio debuting. I like the fact that they’re setting up the story of everyone going after Muertes and we’re getting closer to actually paying some of this stuff off. The key here though is Lucha Underground has earned the benefit of the doubt to make me believe that it might actually work. You don’t get that everywhere and it’s nice to have that feeling.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Royal Rumble 2014
Date: January 26, 2014
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

The big story here is the rise of Daniel Bryan, who has gone from solid midcard guy to the people’s choice to win the Rumble. However, Batista has returned and is basically the guaranteed winner of the Rumble, no matter what the fans want to see. I can’t imagine this ends well. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Goldust/Cody Rhodes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws reunited as a nostalgia act and pinned the champs to earn this shot. Dogg and Cody get things going with Dogg hammering away, only to miss his Shake Rattle and Roll punch. Cody misses the Disaster Kick but sends both Outlaws to the floor. The champs hit dives on the Outlaws as we take a break. Back with Goldust in trouble as Dogg puts on a chinlock.

The Outlaws double team Goldust for a bit until he hits a jumping sunset flip for two on Dogg. Gunn charges into a powerslam and there’s the hot tag to Cody. A missile dropkick drops both Outlaws and Cross Rhodes plants Dogg for two with Billy making the save. Gunn makes a blind tag and hits a Fameasser on Cody for the big upset win.

Rating: C. This was fine for an opener and the fans were into the nostalgia. The Outlaws were only transitional champions anyway as the Usos would get the belts before Wrestlemania. Cody and Goldust had them back before the year was over too so no one was really hurt by this.

The opening video talks about working to achieve your dreams. Sometimes there’s a very thin line between almost getting there and getting everything you want. We also focus on Orton vs. Cena because that’s the real main event here. The Rumble itself gets a quick mention too.

Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt

Daniel joined the Wyatt Family on the last Raw of the year but then rejected them a few weeks later, leading to one of the loudest YES chants you’ll ever hear. Bryan punches out of the corner to start but Bray drives knees into his ribs and blasts him with an elbow. That’s fine with Bryan as he kicks the knee out but has to go after Bray’s followers Luke Harper and Erick Rowan. A suicide dive drops Harper but the referee ejects both monsters.

Bray huddles with his Family on the floor, allowing Daniel to take him down with a plancha. Back in and a high cross body gets two on Wyatt but he chops Daniel off the middle rope and out to the floor. Bray charges at Daniel but drives the bad knee into the steps to put him back down again. Back in and Daniel starts kicking at the leg before snapping off a dragon screw leg whip. A modified curb stomp gets two for Bryan but Bray drives him back into the corner.

They slug it out to the apron with Wyatt snapping Daniel’s shoulder down in a big crash. Back in and Bray hits his release suplex slam and we hit the chinlock. Bray puts Daniel’s head against the post and drives in forearms to follow up on Bryan’s recent concussion. Back in again and a kick to the face gives Bray a few near falls. A big release Rock Bottom plants him again and Bray does his Spider Walk out of the corner. Bryan finally avoids an elbow drop and hits a running clothesline.

Some kicks stagger Bray and a drop toehold sends him into the middle buckle. Daniel kicks away in the corner and nails a top rope hurricanrana for two. Another running clothesline is countered by a running elbow to the chest as Bray takes over again. Bryan low bridges him to the floor and hits a running tornado DDT off the apron. A running dropkick sends Bray into the barricade and a missile dropkick puts Wyatt down in the ring.

The YES Kicks get two but Bray turns him inside out with a clothesline for two. Sister Abigail is countered but Bray bites his way out of the YES Lock. Daniel scores with more kicks and hits a top rope splash but Bray ducks to the floor to avoid the running knee. The Flying Goat is blocked though and Bray hits Sister Abigail into the barricade to knock Bryan silly. Back in and another Sister Abigail is good for the pin.

Rating: A. This was considered a match of the year contender and it’s easy to see why. These two beat the tar out of each other with each move getting harder and harder than the previous. Bryan lost here but came out looking like a star. Bray on the other hand looks like a killer and that’s exactly what he’s supposed to be.

Paul Heyman says Brock Lesnar is going to challenge the winner of Orton vs. Cena for the World Title. However, first he has to make an example out of Big Show.

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is here.

The expert panel of Jim Duggan, Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair aren’t sure who to pick between Lesnar and Big Show.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

These two have had a feud for years and this time Big Show has been getting the better of it through pure power. Lesnar takes Show down before the bell and pounds on him with fists and then a chair. As Big Show is down, Lawler says Big Show gave Lesnar his first loss at the 2002 Royal Rumble, which would be three months before Lesnar debuted. We get the opening bell with Lesnar getting another chair but Show nails him with the KO Punch. Lesnar is rocked and Show takes him outside for a whip into the barricade. Back in and Big Show loads up another KO but Lesnar ducks and throws him up for the F5 for the easy pin.

Lesnar beats on him with the chair even more after the match. He’s broken two chairs over Show’s back.

Shield says they have 27 enemies tonight and it’ll be the three of them left standing. Only one of them can stand tall at the end but Reigns thinks he has the winning number. He won’t say what it is though. Dean offers to tell him his if Reigns tells his. Dean: “What if I have two numbers? I have ALL the numbers!” They agree to believe in the Shield.

Orton says he’s going to beat Cena and put him to the back of the line. Renee Young asks about Batista, Brock Lesnar and Bray Wyatt wanting title shots but Orton laughs it off and calls Wyatt a deranged hillbilly Duck Dynasty reject.

We recap Orton vs. Cena. This is more about their short term history, focusing on the titles being unified back in December. Orton seems to be cracking under the pressure of being champion and even attacked Cena’s father at Raw recently.

WWE World Title: Randy Orton vs. John Cena

No countout and no DQ with Orton defending.. The fans loudly chant for Daniel Bryan before and after the bell. They hit the mat and the fans are already bored less than twenty seconds in. Cena fights up and gets two off a bulldog but charges into an elbow in the corner. Now a Randy Savage chant starts up and Orton stops for a second before kicking Cena even more.

Off to a chinlock as the fans chant for Y2J. After fighting out, Cena catches on and tries a Boston crab. Orton kicks him to the floor during a brief Undertaker chant and now it’s just the standard boring chant. A clothesline puts Orton back outside but he sends Cena into the steps. Back in and a DDT gets two for Orton as the fans just say both guys suck. Cena comes back with shoulder blocks and the ProtoBomb, only to take too long jawing and walk into a powerslam for two.

A half nelson slam into a neckbreaker gets two for Cena but he gets caught on top. He headbutts his way out though and hits the top rope Fameasser for two. Orton counters the AA attempt into his backbreaker for two as the fans have calmed down a bit. The Elevated DDT off the apron to the floor gets two more on John. Orton’s RKO is countered into the STF but Randy is too close to the ropes. He grabs the ropes to block an AA as well but the refereee gets bumped.

There’s the STF again and Orton taps but there’s no referee. Orton uses the opportunity to nail Cena with a title belt for two. He stands around too long again though and takes an AA for two more. The RKO gets the same and now the fans want Divas. Orton misses the Punt but pulls Cena down into an STF. John counters that into a Crossface but Orton rolls into a cover for two.

Back up and Orton hits Cena with an AA, followed by Cena grabbing an RKO for another near fall. With nothing left to do, Cena loads up a middle rope AA but has to settle for a tornado DDT. The STF goes on in the middle of the ring….we’ve got Wyatts. The lights go out and come back on to reveal all three on the apron. Cena goes after them but walks into an RKO to keep the title on Orton.

Rating: B. This matchup has suffered from brand damage. We’ve seen it so many times over the years that even if the match is good, like it was here, people just do not want to see it. The guys got the crowd to calm down a bit about halfway through the match, but there’s just nothing left to see from these two. They’re both hard workers and try every time they’re out there but the interest is just gone.

The fans chant for Bryan as the Wyatts destroy Cena even more.

Tribute video to the recently passed away Mae Young.

The New Age Outlaws celebrate but tell Renee that she isn’t invited to the party.

We get some classic Rumble promos.

Miz will win because he’ll do whatever it takes to headline Wrestlemania again.

The Usos are cool with having to fight each other.

Intercontinental Champion Big E. says headlining Wrestlemania is where it’s at.

Fandango thinks he’s the only one worthy to headline the big dance.

Batista just says exactly.

Damien Sandow says it’s insane to try the same thing and expect different results. He won’t make the same mistake again.

Ryback says there are 29 superstars and one Human Wrecking Ball.

Mysterio will shock the world again.

The expert panel makes their picks. Duggan likes Ziggler, Shawn goes with Shield or Punk and Flair takes Batista.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Punk at #1 (as ordered by Kane) and Seth Rollins at #2. Punk takes him into the corner to start for some shoulders to the ribs. Some kicks stagger Rollins but he comes back with a big kick of his own. A clothesline drops Rollins again but he pops back up with an enziguri. Both guys are down as Damien Sandow is in at #3. The fans loudly chant for Punk as he DDTs Sandow and drops Rollins with a neckbreaker at the same time.

The heels stomp Punk down until Cody Rhodes is in at #4. Cross Rhodes plants Sandow but Rollins stops an elimination attempt. Punk dumps Damien a few seconds later though and it’s time for Rollins to get double teamed. Kane comes in at #5 and cleans Punk’s clock. He loads up the chokeslam but Punk kicks him in the head for a surprise elimination. The debuting Alexander Rusev is in at #6.

Rusev kicks Rollins and Rhodes in the face but can’t eliminate either guy. Instead he just beats everyone up until Jack Swagger is in at #7. It’s Swagger vs. Rusev now but everyone opts to gang up on Rusev instead. Cody and Swagger break off and Kofi Kingston is in at #8. Everyone fights by the ropes until Jimmy Uso is in at #9. The announcers are noticing how fast the clock is going by.

Jimmy goes after Kofi in the corner as Rusev works on Swagger. Punk puts Rusev in a sleeper and Goldust is in at #10, giving us a group of Punk, Rollins, Goldust, Cody, Jimmy, Swagger, Kingston and Rusev. Goldust hammers away until Rusev nails him in the jaw. A group of people gang up on Rusev and dump him out, which isn’t quite a great debut for him. Kofi gets thrown out as well but Rusev catches him in mid air. He drops Kofi on the barricade and it’s time for the great return. Kingston stands up, uses the barricade as a balance beam and jumps back to the apron in a pretty cool save.

US Champion Dean Ambrose is in at #11 and goes right after Punk. Things slow down again and Dolph Ziggler is in at #12. The fans are entirely behind Dolph as the ring is getting too full. Punk has to hang onto the apron as R-Truth comes in at #13, only to be dumped in about thirty seconds by Ambrose. Rollins knocks out Jimmy and Kofi steals Swagger’s boot while literally hanging on by his feet. Jack comes over to him but gets nailed by the boot as Kofi gets back in.

Kevin Nash makes a required return at #14. He eliminates Swagger with ease and goes after Ambrose and Rollins. Punk has Ziggler dangling but Dolph gets his feet back in. Roman Reigns completes the Shield at #15, giving us Punk, Rollins, Rhodes, Kingston, Goldust, Ambrose, Ziggler, Nash and Reigns. Roman cleans house with punches and spears before launching Kofi out.

Ziggler puts Roman down with a DDT but eats a spear to cut him in half. Reigns throws Ziggler out with ease and the fans suddenly hate him. Nash gets the same treatment as Reigns now has three eliminations in less than two minutes. Great Khali is in at #16 and goes after the Shield but gets tossed by Reigns. Goldust eliminates Cody to make up for the last two years but Reigns gets rid of Goldust a second later. That leaves the Shield alone with Punk but Sheamus returns after being out six months with an injury at #17.

Sheamus cleans house and gives Dean the ten forearms followed by an Irish Curse to Rollins. Reigns eats a Brogue Kick as Miz is in at #18. Punk is just laying in the corner and making almost no effort to get back up. Miz hammers away on Reigns in the corner and Fandango is in at #19. The entire crowd starts doing his dance but Miz sends him to the apron in just a few seconds. Fandango gets back in though as Shield slowly takes over again. Reigns motions to Punk in the corner but doesn’t go after him. Punk hasn’t moved from there in at least five minutes now.

El Torito is in at #20, giving us Punk, Rollins, Ambrose, Reigns, Sheamus, Miz, Fandango and Torito. Of course the bull cleans house until Punk stands up. Punk grabs him by the head but takes a headscissors, only to have Fandango run Torito over. The referee checks on Punk as Torito dropkicks Fandango out. Reigns catches Torito with ease and dumps him out for his sixth elimination. Punk gets back up as Cesaro is in at #21. He immediately starts swinging Miz but Shield breaks up a Swing attempt on Punk. Instead Rollins gets swung a ridiculous THIRTY TIMES. Luke Harper is in at #22 as Reigns spears Cesaro down.

Rollins and Cesaro slug it out until Jey Uso is in at #23. The brawling slows down a bit now and JBL is in at #24. Cole: “The JBL character has never entered the Royal Rumble.” Good grief. JBL wears his full suit into the ring but asks Cole to go get his jacket, allowing Reigns to dump him out. Fans: “YOU STILL GOT IT!” Erick Rowan is in at #25 as JBL tries to talk about ANYTHING but being in the Rumble. Rowan kicks Miz out to clear things up a bit but everything slows back down again.

Harper tosses Jey Uso but the Wyatts turn around to see the Shield. Ryback is in at #26 and goes right for Cesaro as the fans chant Goldberg. Alberto Del Rio gets lucky #27 and things slow down yet again. Batista is in at #28 and the fans just rip him apart. He quickly dumps Rowan and has a staredown with Ryback before dumping him as well. Del Rio, the man who has been going after Batista since he returned, superkicks him down but gets lifted into the air and dumped with ease.

Intercontinental Champion Big E. is in at #29 to almost no reaction but the fans like him for suplexing Batista. The fans are chanting for Bryan and get even louder as the countdown clock comes on. The clock runs out….and it’s Rey Mysterio. To say the fans aren’t pleased with this is the understatement of the year. We’re going to pause for a second here and look at this.

First of all, Rey Mysterio is a fine choice for #30 in the Royal Rumble. He’s a multiple time World Champion, he’s held nearly every title in WWE history, he’s going to be in the Hall of Fame one day, he’s the most successful cruiserweight of all time, he’s won the Royal Rumble before and he’s one of the most popular wrestlers ever. However, he’s not the right choice for this spot.

There are two schools of thought here. The first and more prominent is that WWE just did not understand the fans and thought they would accept Batista as the big star making his return and embrace him with open arms. Then they heard the reaction and changed course to make Wrestlemania all about Daniel Bryan. The other school of thought is Bryan not being in the Rumble was planned from the beginning, they knew where they were going at Wrestlemania the entire time and the stories about Orton vs. Batista headlining the show were false rumors. I’m in the middle on that but I lean more towards the second.

Now Bryan didn’t have to win the Rumble here. You could have had a bunch of different ways to get rid of him, even down to having Kane run out and eliminate him if need be. However, he should have been in the main event. It makes sense that he at least has a chance to be in there, even if it’s just to get screwed over again.

Anyway, we have a final grouping of Punk, Rollins, Ambrose, Reigns, Sheamus, Cesaro, Harper, Batista, Langston and Mysterio. Rey hurricanranas Punk to the apron as the fans are booing the heck out of the match. Sheamus clotheslines Langston out to end his worthless Rumble. Cesaro hammers on everyone in sight and Rey hits the 619 on Rollins just to make everyone even madder. Rollins enziguris Rey out for a nice pop and we’re down to eight.

Dean and Seth put Harper on the apron but Reigns Superman Punches him out to give him eight eliminations. Ambrose tries to put out his Shield mates but Cesaro jumps he and Rollins. That’s fine with Reigns who dumps Cesaro, Rollins and Ambrose all at once to tie Kane’s record for eliminations in a single Rumble.

We’re down to four now and everyone hits a finisher. Reigns takes the GTS but Kane sneaks in to eliminate Punk. That would be Punk’s last WWE match to date. Kane goes off on Punk outside and chokeslams him through the announcers’ table. We’re down to Sheamus, Batista and Reigns but all three are down. Another Daniel Bryan chant starts up as Batista takes over, turning it into a NO chant.

Sheamus cleans house and points at the sign before loading up a Brogue Kick. He misses Batista though and gets backdropped to the apron. Reigns elbows Sheamus out to set a new Rumble record for eliminations with twelve. That leaves Reigns vs. Batista and all of a sudden everyone is a Reigns fan. Reigns wins a slugout and clotheslines Batista down as the people chant for Roman. Batista comes back with his own horrible spear, only to have Reigns show him how it’s done….and then get thrown out a few seconds later to send Batista to Wrestlemania.

Rating: D. This just wasn’t a very good Rumble though its moments. Batista came in at the wrong time and it killed any kind of comeback he could have had. The fans did not want to see what the company was offering them at this point and they let them know about it. In their defense though, this Rumble was kind of awful. The comedy and returns felt forced, Rusev’s debut went nowhere and they might as well have given it to Batista and put on an hour of Mighty Mouse cartoons to save everyone’s time. It’s not a good match but the crowd reaction is certainly interesting.

Batista is booed out of the building as we see a highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The Rumble really hurts this show as it drags down two good matches and an entertaining Lesnar squash. The problem is that’s the lasting memory of this show: the fans booing the heck out of Batista as WWE seemed to think he was exactly what WWE wanted. The show isn’t horrible but it leaves a really bad taste in your mouth.

Ratings Comparison

New Age Outlaws vs. Goldust/Cody Rhodes

Original: C

Redo: C

Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt

Original:A

Redo: A

Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Original:B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original:B

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original:A

Redo: D+

Hokey smoke that’s quite the drop.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/01/26/royal-rumble-2014-the-night-the-crowd-died/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AXP08DK

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2011
Date: January 30, 2011
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,113
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

This is a weird Rumble as for one year only they tried having forty people in the Rumble instead of the usual thirty. It didn’t quite work so they never tried it again, but for this year as a result there are only four matches on the whole card: two world titles, a Divas match and the Rumble itself. This is one of those rumbles I barely remember. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is exactly what you would expect.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler

Edge is defending and if he uses the spear here, Ziggler wins the title because Vickie is a crooked boss. Dolph takes over early and pounds on Edge in the corner but gets whipped across the ring to shift momentum. This is during Cole’s heel phase so he’s very annoying at this point. A gutbuster gets two for the champion and he takes things to the floor. Ziggler is rammed into the apron and the barricade for good measure as Edge stands tall.

As they come back in, Ziggler grabs a neckbreaker for two and hits an elbow to the chest. Off to a chinlock as Dolph stays on the neck. The fans cheer for Edge of course and he fights up, only to get caught in a middle rope sunset flip. Edge comes back with a slingshot into the buckle and now Dolph is in trouble. A rollup out of the corner gets two for Edge but Dolph hits another neckbreaker for two of his own.

Off to the chinlock until Edge rolls out to the apron. Ziggler knocks him into the barricade and it’s back inside for the chinlock. Edge fights up but they both try cross bodies to put both guys down. Ziggy misses a Stinger Splash in the corner and Edge catches him in a flapjack to put both guys down again. Edge counters the Fameasser into a sitout powerbomb for two more but he can’t follow up.

The champion goes up but has to fight out of a superplex. Ziggler gets knocked down and hit by a top rope cross body, only for Ziggler to roll through for two. Now the fans start cheering for Ziggler as he gets two off a dropkick. The Zig Zag misses and Edge busts out the Edgecator of all things. Dolph grabs the rope so Edge dives at him on said ropes, only to clothesline himself on them.

The Fameasser gets two and both guys are down again. A big boot puts Ziggler down for about the seventh time and Edge gets into spear position. Like an idiot, Vickie reminds him of this, allowing Dolph to catch Edge in the sleeper. Edge rolls out of it and hits the Impaler for two as Vickie pulls the referee out of the ring. Vickie slaps Edge but the champion dodges a charging Dolph into a rollup for two.

She slaps Edge AGAIN so here’s Kelly Kelly to take Vickie down. In the melee the Zig Zag hits for two and a BIG pop on the kickout. There’s the sleeper and while trying to escape it, Edge knocks the referee down. Edge escapes the hold with a kind of Stunner and realizes there’s no referee or Vickie so there’s the spear to Ziggler. The referee wakes up and Edge hits an Unprettier to retain the title.

Rating: A-. Good stuff here again although the ending is kind of stupid. Eventually Edge would be stripped of the title for using the spear (I can’t remember if it was here or another match) and Ziggler would have a stupid 45 minutes or less reign. I don’t think anyone, including Dolph, considers that a real reign but hey, Ziggler is a former world champion so we have to respect him, right WWE?

We recap Orton vs. Miz. The champion Miz cashed in MITB on Orton back in November and beat him in a tables match at TLC. Tonight it’s an actual match which means Miz is likely in trouble.

Miz says he’ll win.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. Randy Orton

Miz has Riley with him here. Orton pounds away to start as Cole is already on his knees to suck Miz off. The champ is knocked out to the floor and gets sent into the barricades a few time. Back in and Orton kicks him in the face before stomping away a bit. Cole is already on one of his rants about how noble Miz is in comparison to Edge. Orton chokes on the ropes a bit as Cole says that Orton should have stated in advance that he wanted to brawl.

Riley finally guillotines Orton on the top rope to give Miz a chance. Orton shrugs the offense off and slugs Miz down, only to miss a running knee in the corner. Cole stays on his rant about how awesome Miz is as Riley interferes some more. Cole high fives Riley and Miz hooks a chinlock for a bit. Striker continues his brilliance by saying Miz is working on the midsection to set up the SKULL Crushing Finale. A running knee to Orton’s face gets two and it’s back to the chinlock.

Randy blocks a German Suplex and elbows Miz down to break the momentum. Miz comes right back with a big boot to the face for two and the champion is getting frustrated. Miz goes up and gets crotched right back down, allowing Orton to hit his daddy’s superplex for two. Randy starts his comeback with the clotheslines and the backbreaker to send Miz to the apron. Why would you go there against Orton? Perhaps it’s because he can backdrop Orton out to the floor to counter and have Riley stomp away a bit.

A top rope ax handle gets two for Miz so he pounds away on Orton’s head. Back to the chinlock but Orton fights out of this one much faster. Not that it matters though as Orton gets sent through the ropes and out to the floor where Miz catapults him into the post. Orton gets back in at nine and is all fired up, only to get punched into the corner. Randy comes back with a clothesline and the powerslam before hitting the circle stomp.

Riley breaks up something like a powerbomb, allowing Miz to hit a modified Reality Check for two. Both finishers are countered and Orton hits an Angle Slam of all things for two. I vaguely remember him using that around this time. Miz’s attempt at walking out fails but he gets in something we can’t see for two back inside.

Randy gets two off a rollup and there’s the Elevated DDT. Orton loads up the RKO but here’s the New Nexus for a distraction. Riley tries to come in but in a great looking spot, Orton LAUNCHES Riley over the top (and over the referee) onto Nexus. The RKO hits but Punk runs in with a GTS to keep the belt on Miz. Cole literally jumps for joy.

Rating: B. I was digging this match a lot and the ending would wind up making a lot more sense than it does on paper here. While Punk would obviously go on to feud with Punk for a few months, Miz would face Jerry Lawler of all people at Elimination Chamber before moving on to the main event of Wrestlemania. Good stuff here though and one of Miz’s best matches ever. Gee you hear that a lot when Orton is the opponent don’t you?

Dashing Cody Rhodes will not be here tonight because of his shattered face. This would lead to Dr. Cody Doom which was pretty awesome and then wound up being wasted.

Fans say who they think is going to win the Rumble.

Divas Title: Natalya vs. Laycool

Nattie beat them in a handicap match to win the title and this is the rematch. Before anything gets going though, we have an e-mail from the anonymous GM. We’re going to make it a four way just for the sake of making it a fourway and we want to have a new champion.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Layla vs. Eve Torres vs. Natalya

Nattie is defending as I said and this is one fall to a finish. Laycool goes after both other chicks to start and Eve gets double teamed. Natalya comes back with a slingshot to send Layla into Michelle as Matt actually tries to analyze this match. We get down to Laycool squaring off but before they do anything, Eve and Nattie come back in.

Layla breaks up the Sharpshooter on Eve so Natalya puts the Sharpshooter on BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE. Layla hits the neckbreaker on Eve to send her to the floor but Michelle kicks Eve out to the floor. Michelle misses a bit boot and takes Layla’s head off by mistake. She and the champ fight to the floor, allowing Eve to sneak in and steal the pin with a moonsault.

Rating: D+. That might become my default rating for Divas matches as most of them fall into the same category: not bad but nothing worth seeing at all for the most part. The double Sharpshooter was cool but it’s a five second sequence out of a five minute match. Also, why am I supposed to be excited about Eve winning the title when she wasn’t even important enough to put into the match in the first place?

Michelle is mad because she had Natalya covered at the same time but the referee didn’t see it.

A cleanshaven Daniel Bryan is excited for the Rumble because he could win. He’s with Gail at this point and the Bells come up to offer their condolences for trying to hook up with Bryan. The Bellas imply they’re better looking than Gail and a fight breaks out.

Rumble By The Numbers time!

40 entrants

1 winner

24 winners

656 losing entrants

39 eliminations by Shawn, a record

26 WWE Hall of Famers who have competed

183,932lbs that has competed in the Rumble, or 92 tons or 492 Big Shows

2 women who have competed in the Rumble

11 eliminations by Kane in 2001, a record

13 straight Rumbles for Kane, also a record

62:12 Mysterio lasted in the 2006 Rumble

1 second, the record for shortest time in the Rumble, held by Santino Marella

3 wins by Austin

2, the number of wins that spot #1 has produced, the same as #30

70% of winners have gone on to win the title at Mania

Royal Rumble

40 entrants this year and it’s Punk at #1 and before #2 comes out, here’s the Corre (Barrett, Jackson, Slater and Gabriel) to surround Punk. They jump him until Punk’s Nexus guys come out for the save. The GM sends an e-mail that says everyone not named CM Punk needs to get out or they’re out of the Rumble. Anyway Daniel Bryan is #2 and the internet explodes.

They speed things up to start and Bryan fires off some kicks to the ribs. Striker talks about how the internet loves this match as Bryan is sent to the apron. The dueling chants begin and Bryan misses a dropkick in the corner. Justin Gabriel is #3 and immediately goes after Punk. Bryan clotheslines CM down and Gabriel misses the 450, allowing Bryan to dump Justin out.

Zack Ryder, still a heel, is #4. He immediately takes Bryan down and hits the Broski Boot to both guys. Bryan launches Ryder into the air for a Rough Ryder into Punk, only to get dumped to the floor by Daniel. Back to Punk vs. Bryan until William Regal is #5. He starts busting out the knees to the face and some suplexes before hitting the knee trembler to Punk. The student and the teacher (Bryan and Regal) slug it out before Punk kicks the teacher in the head. Bryan kicks Punk in the head for kicking Regal in the head and only Daniel is left standing.

Ted DiBiase is #6 along with Maryse. Bryan rips off kicks to Regal before trying to dump Ted out. John Morrison is #7 to a BIG pop. He comes in (after slipping) with a slingshot kick to Regal and the Flying Chuck to Punk. A C4 takes Bryan down but DiBiase dumps Morrison to the apron. As Regal is eliminated, we get at the time the best Rumble save ever, as Morrison is knocked from the apron but catches himself on the barricade. His feet never touch as he pulls himself up to the barricade, tightrope walks down to the steps, jumps to said steps, kicks Regal in the head, and gets back in. That blew my mind live.

Yoshi Tatsu (Striker calls him the Poison Fist of the Pacific Rim because Striker likes to think he’s smart) is #8 and goes right after Punk. Husky Harris is #9 and he beats everyone not named Punk before standing guard over his leader. Chavo Guerrero is #10 as these intervals are getting really short. Chavo loads up Three Amigos on DiBiase but Punk breaks it up. Now Punk takes two of them but Morrison breaks it up at two. So this time Morrison takes two suplexes but BRYAN breaks it up and finally Daniel takes all three suplexes.

Chavo takes Harris down with a middle rope missile dropkick and Mark Henry is #11. For some reason Chavo dives on him and is immediately dumped out. Yoshi is sent out as well as JTG is #12. Michael McGillicutty is #13 and he takes out JTG almost immediately before teaming up with Harris to dump DiBiase. Christ Masters is #14 and puts Punk to the apron with the Masterlock unti McGillicutty makes the save. Masters and Bryan slug it out until Otunga is #15, giving Punk and the Nexus four members.

They gang up on and toss Bryan pretty easily and there goes Masters as well. There goes Morrison too and the elimination of Henry clears the ring. Tyler Reks from ECW gets to come in at #16 and you can figure out what happens to him in about 40 seconds. Vladimir Kozlov is #17 but the numbers catch up with him and it’s Punk who gets to do the honors. We’re just waiting for Cena to come out now.

Instead it’s R-Truth at #18 and it’s the same result. The only highlight is Punk hitting the knee in the corner and saying WHAT’S UP with a big goofy grin on his face. There goes Truth but Great Khali returns at #19 to scare Punk half to death. He fights all of the Nexus off and manages to dump Harris which is a big breakthrough. Khali chops Punk down and Mason Ryan, also of the Nexus, is #20. After a brief slugout he puts Khali out and we’re right back where we were.

In our second major return of the Rumble, Booker T is #21 and Striker FREAKS. Booker fires off as many kicks as he can and hits the Bookend on McGillicutty. You know we’re getting the Spinarooni but Ryan throws Booker out as soon as it’s over. Punk: “WE’RE GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!” All hope seems to be lost but heeeeeeeeeeeere’s Cena at #22. The hometown boy charges at the ring and puts out McGillicutty, Ryan and Otunga to get us down to one on one.

Cena pounds away and escapes the GTS before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Hornswoggle is #23 and is immediately kicked down by Punk. Atta boy CM! Punk loads up the GTS but Cena escapes and this the AA to toss Punk out. In next is Tyson Kidd at #24 and he gets caught between Cena and Horny. The Swogg busts out a headscissors before Cena hits the AA. In a decent visual, Horny hits an AA of his own allowing for the elimination by Cena.

Heath Slater is #25 and DEAR GOODNESS he looks hilarious in trunks. He might be as pale as Sheamus used to be and the visual is horrible. Horny hits some Sweet Shin Music and a Stunner followed by a double Five Knuckle Shuffle. There’s a Tadpole Splash and Slater is gone. Cole sounds like he’s about to be sick. Kofi Kingston is #26 and this should be interesting. Kofi fires off some kicks of course followed by some punches in the corner until Jack Swagger is #27.

Cole talks about the luck of #27 and Jerry correctly points out that the number is lucky in 30 man matches, not 40. Swagger hits the Vader Bomb on both full sized guys but as he goes after Hornswoggle, Kofi cross bodies Swagger down. There’s the Boom Drop with horny as a stepping stone and it’s King Sheamus at #28. Cena takes the Irish Curse and there’s only Horny left to face Sheamus. Horny loads up Sweet Shin Music but Cena saves Horny from elimination. The tiny man loads up the Tadpole Splash but gets Brogue Kicked out, thank goodness.

Mysterio is #29 and he hits a pair of headscissors on Swagger and Sheamus but Sheamus breaks up the 619. Trouble in Paradise takes Sheamus down but Swagger takes Kofi down. Rey hits a headscissors to put Swagger on the apron and a 619 gets the elimination. Wade Barrett is #30 and it turns into a bunch of mini brawls. Winds of Change take Cena down and Ziggler is #31. There’s a pretty big talent pool in there at the moment with Cena, Mysterio, Sheamus, Kingston, Ziggler and Barrett.

Barrett and Dolph go after Cena but Mysterio makes a save for no apparent reason. Diesel is the final big return at #32 and there’s your big pop. This is the appearance that set up Diesel vs. HHH and Punk for the latter half of the year. Everyone is stunned but I think it’s just at how black Diesel has gotten his hair. That’s some high quality polish. We get a Diesel chant and he cleans house in a much more effective way than you would expect. Diesel’s style is really good for something like this as he does so many basic moves but he’s so big that they look that much more impressive.

Drew McIntyre is #33 and we get a LOUD let’s go Diesel chant. Diesel gets caught in 619 position and in a very rare occurrence, the move gets booed. Alex Riley is #34 and Cole loses his mind when Miz’s music hits again. Diesel misses a big boot and gets kicked out by Barrett. The DIESEL chant rocks the Garden as Miz sits in on commentary. Big Show is in at #35, so Striker talks about how much taller Show is than the tallest player in the NHL. For once I agree with Cole when he says “WHO CARES???” We know Big Show is tall, and simply telling us he’s taller than a guy who is 6’9 doesn’t change anything.

Show and Diesel have a staredown in the aisle which is a FAR better (and actual) illustration of how big Show is. McIntyre and Sheamus get dropped by Show and there’s a chokeslam for Barrett. Show dumps Ziggler as Cena dumps Riley. Show shoves McIntyre out as Big Zeke is #36. He immediately throws out Show to a shockingly non-reaction. We have Barrett, Jackson, Kingston, Cena, Mysterio and Sheamus at the moment.

Santino is #37 and literally immediately breaks his record of 1 second in the Rumble. Jackson almost immediately decks him and knocks Santino to the mat and out to the floor which isn’t an elimination. Remember that. Jackson tries to put Cena out and Del Rio is #38. He’s still new at this point and hasn’t gotten on almost everyone’s nerves yet.

Striker tells us that Riley has been eliminated five minutes after it happens. Not only is he annoying but he’s a bad broadcaster on top of that. Alberto wisely takes forever to get into the ring as Miz’s voice sounds really hoarse. By long enough I mean Orton jumps him in the aisle at #39. There’s a quick RKO to Del Rio and one for Sheamus as well. A third hits Kofi and he’s gone. Sheamus is out too and it’s time for Cena vs. Orton. John points to the sign but Kane’s pyro goes off at #40 to complete the field and scare Cena to death.

So we’ve got Cena, Mysterio, Barrett, Jackson, Del Rio, Orton and Kane in the ring. I’ve seen far worse. Kane focuses on Orton and hits the side slam, only to be run over by Big Zeke. Jackson misses a charge though and goes out via a low bridge. Mysterio jumps into a chokeslam grip but Rey headscissors him out, only to be dumped by Barrett. Orton goes after Alberto while Cena beats up Barrett. Cena gets sent to the apron but gets back in via a shoulder to Wade’s ribs.

Things slow down again and NOW we get Cena vs. Orton. The fans barely react to it though so Barrett breaks it up. There’s an AA to Del Rio and here’s Riley again. He distracts Cena enough to have Miz run in and dump Cena to get us down to Orton, Barrett and Del Rio in the ring. There’s the backbreaker to Del Rio and Orton dumps Barrett, only to have Alberto sneak in on him to win the Rumble.

Rating: A. This was a VERY well done Rumble as they hit the three act structure and had a great balance of main event guys as well as new stars and legends. While it doesn’t seem like a big shock now, Del Rio had only been around for about four months. This would be like a member of the Shield winning the Rumble in 2013. Excellent Rumble though and one of the best ever.

Del Rio celebrates…….AND SANTINO CRAWLS BACK IN! He went UNDER remember so the match isn’t over yet. Del Rio doesn’t see him coming and Santino hits the Cobra! Cole: “OH MY GOD!!!” He goes for the elimination but Del Rio reverses and dumps Santino out to really win. I remember watching this and my heart STOPPED as soon as Santino got back in. The exact words I said: “THEY WOULDN’T! THEY COULDN’T! Oh they didn’t.” This makes the match even better as the fans LOST IT when he got back in.

Ricardo is literally on the floor screaming Del Rio to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. The worst and only bad match was the Divas and you have looks in that one so how can this be anything below great? 2011 was the start of the good period for WWE and they kicked it off with a bang with a great Rumble here. This is an excellent show and well worth checking out. Good stuff here.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: A-

Redo: A-

Miz vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: B

Eve Torres vs. Natalya vs. Layla vs. Michelle McCool

Original: D

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

This is why I don’t see the point in redoing the newer shows: my taste hasn’t changed much.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/30/royal-rumble-2011-his-name-is-alberto-del-rio/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2010
Date: January 31, 2010
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 16,697
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

We’re getting close to the end of the run here with only three shows left. Tonight we’ve got the Rumble of course along with Undertaker defending against Mysterio and Sheamus defending against Orton. I remember really liking this one as the new generation had arrived and was rising up the card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Road to Wrestlemania is beginning and how it determines what happens for months to come. This is called the most star studded Rumble ever, which is a tagline that has been used before.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Christian is defending and man that ECW ring announcer has an annoying voice. Regal is with Jackson here. According to Striker, Jackson went to Columbia Law School. Now there’s a factoid that fell through the cracks. Jackson shoves Christian into the corner and then does it again into the ropes so the champion slaps him in the face. After a brief chase, Christian dropkicks Jackson out to the floor.

The springboard plancha takes Jackson out and we head back in. Christian finally gets caught in the corner and pounded on before having the Killswitch easily blocked. Instead Christian chokes away on the ropes and hits another shot to the face. Jackson throws Christian to the floor where Regal tries to throw him back in, earning himself an ejection. Off to a neck crank back inside which Jackson picks up into a kind of cobra clutch slam for two.

A vertical suplex gets two for Big Zeke and it’s time for more choking. A sunset flip is easily blocked by Jackson and it’s back to the chinlock. Striker tries to figure out what a peep is, as he knows it as a something made of chocolate. Some shots to the face get Christian out of trouble for awhile, or at least until a clothesline to the back of the head gets two.

Jackson hooks both of Christian’s arms back for another hold before putting the champion on top. The superplex is blocked and Christian hits a top rope back elbow for two (LOVE that move). Jackson’s big clothesline misses and a middle rope dropkick gets two for the champion. A spinwheel kick gets two on Jackson but a swan dive misses and gives Zeke a near fall as does a backbreaker.

The tornado DDT gets ANOTHER two for Christian so Jackson takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to a sleeper from Christian when the Killswitch doesn’t work but Jackson counters into a powerslam position to ram Christian’s back into the buckle. Christian slides down Jackson’s back and grabs the Killswitch out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. Trim two minutes out of this and it goes WAY up in quality. The period of near falls went on too long without getting any significant heat from the crowd. Jackson would get the title in a little over two weeks on the final episode of ECW because if there’s one man that should be the final ECW Champion, it’s a musclehead that could barely get through a five minute match most of the time.

Cryme Tyme come in to try to get a second spot in the Rumble from Teddy and Tiffany. Khali says “no dice homeslice” to selling their spot because he’s keeping it real. Apparently he’s learned his English from Family Matters (Singh’s words, not mine). Ok then. Anyway US Champion the Miz comes in and laughs which causes him to have to defend against MVP.

Orton is in the back when Cody Rhodes comes in. He’s there for Randy in the title match tonight but that’s not all. Apparently DiBiase isn’t in on this because his mind is on winning the Rumble and taking the title from Orton.

US Title: The Miz vs. MVP

A quick clothesline gets two for MVP and he works on the champ’s ribs to start. Miz gets a boot up in the corner to slow him down but MVP comes right back with a belly to back suplex for two. They head to the floor for this gem from Striker: “Miz is one of the most recognizable faces on this planet.” I don’t think Miz is one of the most recognizable faces in this match.

Back in and Miz sends MVP to the apron and gets kicked into the table on the floor. Not that this is treated like anything of note because the announcers are laughing about Sherri Shepard from The View. Miz sends shoulders into MVP’s ribs in the corner followed by the running corner clothesline. A top rope double ax gets two for Miz and we hit the chinlock.

After that eats up some time, MVP pounds away with all of his usual stuff. Ballin hits and a running boot to the side of the head gets two for the challenger. A big shoulder block gets the same for MVP but he misses a running boot in the corner. MVP grabs three straight quick near falls but gets caught in a small package for the pin to keep the title on Miz.

Rating: D+. If there was a reason for this to be on PPV other than the show was running short, I don’t know what it was. Miz didn’t look like anything special out there but somehow he would be world champion a year later. MVP on the other hand would be out of the WWE but he did well enough in Japan. Nothing to see here other than a filler match.

Post match MVP hits the Playmaker on Miz and gets booed LOUDLY. He lost completely clean so the booing is deserved.

Show and Jericho, the former tag team champions, run into each other. Show accuses him of being jealous of the chemistry Show and Miz have but Jericho brushes it off. He calls the crowd gelatinous worms before pointing out all of the similarities he and Miz have. Show says he’ll throw both Miz and Jericho out to win the Rumble. R-Truth pops up and says he’ll do the same. Show leaves Jericho standing there much to Jericho’s chagrin.

DiBiase wishes Orton luck and says he’s got Randy’s back. Orton asks where Cody is but DiBiase doesn’t know. This was during the time when Legacy was about to die and both members were trying to get on Randy’s best side. DiBiase claims that Rhodes only wants to win the Rumble but Orton has heard enough. He doesn’t want anyone’s help and gets a clear face pop in response.

The National Guard is here.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Sheamus won the title in a shocker last month at TLC and is heel here. He’s also still not that good and wouldn’t really hit his stride for about a year and a half. They stare at each other to start and my goodness is Sheamus pale. A dropkick puts the champion down but he comes right back with a running ax handle. Sheamus gets in a shot to the arm and we head to the floor where said arm is sent into the steps.

Back in and Orton goes for the knee and things slow down a bit. Orton wouldn’t really pick up the pace of his offense until about the following year which made his matches pretty hard to sit through. Sheamus comes back by sending Orton’s shoulder into the post twice and hitting some shoulder blocks in the corner. That gets him nowhere though as Orton takes out the knee again and knocks Sheamus to the floor.

They head inside again and yet AGAIN momentum shifts back to Sheamus as he hits a DDT on the arm for two. Off to an armbar for a bit before they slug it out to the boo/yay chants. Orton wins the slugout but walks into the Irish Curse for two. The High Cross is escaped and Orton kicks Sheamus in the head to send him to the outside. Orton gets ready for the RKO but Rhodes jumps the guardrail and blasts Sheamus in the back before running away. The referee sees it though and despite Orton hitting the RKO, he’s disqualified and Sheamus keeps the title. Lame ending to a pretty lame match.

Rating: D+. Like I said, Sheamus just wasn’t very good yet. He was still this big imposing brawler who pounded on people and that’s about it. There was indeed a story in the match but it wasn’t a very entertaining one as they just kept beating on each other’s limbs but when there’s no difference because of the beating, the story doesn’t work. The ending didn’t help either but it did set up something in the future.

Post match Orton snaps on Cody as DiBiase comes down to save his partner. While Orton yells at Cody in the corner, Sheamus comes back in and lays out Randy with a Brogue Kick.

We recap Mickie vs. McCool. This was an awkward feud as Mickie won the title shot in a triple threat and then Laycool made fun of Mickie for being fat. This is of course odd as Mickie is a professional athlete and gorgeous and would only be called fat by a crazy person. It’s also pretty disturbing when you consider how WWE pushes the Divas as role models. The final bit of it was a segment where Mickie got beaten down and covered in food.

Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

Pre match Michelle runs her mouth about how fat Mickie is and accuses her of skipping out on the match. Michelle offers cake and here’s Layla in a Mickie Pig costume. The real Mickie sprints to the ring and hits a Thesz Press on Layla on the floor. She heads inside, sends Michelle into Layla and hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title in 20 seconds.

Post match the other Divas bring out a cake and smash it into Laycool’s faces.

We recap Mysterio vs. Undertaker. Rey won the shot by slamming a cage door onto Batista’s head to escape because that’s what heroes do. Taker said he’ll show no mercy on Mysterio so Rey uses the same line everyone does on Taker: he isn’t afraid. Batista beat up Mysterio as well, claiming that Undertaker and the world title was his.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker

Mysterio, in the deep south, comes out wearing a white hood. Striker talks about Lawler being in the ring with Kamala and Lord Humongous (Sid) because he thinks it makes him sound interesting. He’s trying to make a comparison to being in the ring with Undertaker, but if he was as smart as he thinks he is, he would ask Jerry what it’s like to be in the ring with Undertaker himself, which would save a lot of headaches.

Rey fires off some shots in the corner before Taker grabs him by the neck and throws him up and over the top and out to the floor. That looked awesome. Back to the apron and Rey fires off strikes to the face, only to get punched right back down to the floor by a single shot. Taker misses the legdrop on the apron but hits it the second time before heading back in. Rey counters a chokeslam into the 619 but Taker easily grabs the legs. Tombstone is countered and Taker misses an elbow drop.

Rey tries a springboard cross body but jumps into a boot to the chest. We head to the floor again and there’s another big boot to the head to take Rey down. A third big boot keeps Rey down but the fourth misses and Taker sends his leg around the post. Rey hits a baseball slide to send the leg into said post and Taker is in trouble. The seated senton off the apron is caught and Taker puts him back on the apron, only to be caught by an Asai Moonsault to put both guys down.

Taker grabs Rey by the throat and slams him into the barricade. The champion’s nose is busted a bit. Taker does that lifting wristlock of his to crank on the arm a bit before punching Rey down in the corner for a bit. A big side slam gets two for the guy who would use a side slam in this match as Striker goes into this big speech about how the blood shows that undertaker is mortal. Seriously, it’s a BLOODY NOSE. Watch the freaking Lesnar match in the Cell when the blood is literally dripping from Taker’s head and down onto Lesnar’s body.

Rey starts firing off some punches but a single shot from Taker is enough to put him back down. A jawbreaker finally staggers the big man and they do a kind of cross body, although Taker counters into something like Langston’s Big Ending, so it’s hard to say which hurt worse. Taker sits up so Rey kicks him in the face. Why has no one done that before? Rey drops the dime (springboard legdrop) for two but Taker kills him with a big clothesline. The Last Ride is countered and the 619 hits as does a second one, but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Last Ride to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was solid stuff for the most part for a few reasons. First of all, they didn’t make Taker look ridiculous to get into position for Rey’s moves. That’s my biggest issue with most of Rey’s battles against giants: how stupid the big men look. The other good thing here is that Taker wasn’t knocked silly after just a few moves. Rey only hit maybe a dozen offensive moves here other than basic strikes and it wouldn’t have made sense to have Taker in major trouble. Finally, Rey can bump like crazy when he’s trying to. The only issues here are the lack of a threat to Taker and Striker’s commentary. Chill out already man.

Shawn is watching in the back when Kane comes in and says Shawn’s obsession with Taker is unhealthy. This is KANE calling something unhealthy. He warns Shawn to cool it with Taker because it won’t end well. Kane leaves and HHH comes in. Shawn apologizes for whatever happened on Raw which apparently isn’t important enough to specify. HHH agrees Shawn vs. Taker is meant to be, but it won’t be by wining the Rumble.

Rumble by the Numbers time:

23 Winners

627 entrants eliminated

36 eliminations by Austin

11 eliminations by Kane in 2001

2002 was the last Rumble in Atlanta

62:12 Rey was in the Rumble in 2006

2 seconds was the record for 20 years until Santino broke it last year

3 wins for Austin

2 win for #1, the same as #30

70% of the winners win at Mania

Royal Rumble

Dolph Ziggler is #1 and Evan Bourne is #2. Bourne snaps off a headscissors to start and follows up with a spinwheel kick to take Dolph down. Ziggler comes back with the Zig Zag but can’t throw Evan out. Bourne decks Ziggler and hits Air Bourne as CM Punk of the Straightedge Society is #3. He slams the other two guys’ heads together and dumps them out one after the other. Punk gets a mic and says that tonight is the greatest night in the history of the Straightedge Society. These two are just the first of 29 men who will challenge him, but they can be saved.

The clock starts running down, so Punk gives us the line of the night: “Excuse me, it’s clobberin time.” JTG is #4 and after a few clotheslines, he poses like an idiot in the corner and gets dumped. Punk gets the mic again and says that not everyone can be saved because they don’t have his dedication. Great Khali is #5 and Punk immediately says he can make Khali greater by saving him. He asks Khali to raise his hand for the Straightedge Pledge but Khali lowers the hand onto Punk’s head for the chop.

There’s the Khali Vice and in less than 90 seconds, Beth Phoenix of all people is #6. She stares down Khali and gets picked up and placed on the apron. Beth kisses Khali but in the process pulls him over the top to eliminate him. Phoenix gets back in and BEATS UP PUNK, only to get caught in a GTS to the chest. Would that really knock her out? Before she’s dumped out, here’s Zack Ryder at #7.

As Ryder gets in, Punk grabs the mic and says Zack has potential. PREACH IT BROTHER! Punk starts offering him a spot but his Ryder with the mic before he gets done with it. The fans are going nuts for Punk now and there goes Ryder. Punk talks about how great he is and wants to know who is next, but whoever it is, they’re inferior to Punk. In at #8 is HHH as we enter the second segment of the Rumble.

They stare each other down and HHH starts punching. The facebuster has Punk staggered and a spinebuster puts him down as Drew McIntyre is #9. That gives us a tag champion in HHH and the IC Champion in Drew at the moment. HHH is looking a bit flabby here. He hits the high knee on McIntyre and escapes the GTS to eliminate Punk. DiBiase is #10 as we’re flying through this.

HHH gets double teamed down in the corner until John Morrison, the guy that lost the title to McIntyre, is #11. He takes both heels down and pounds away on them before hitting a jumping DDT on Drew. Starship Pain almost completely misses Drew and HHH clotheslines John down. Kane is #12 and comes in with the top rope clothesline to HHH. There’s a double chokeslam to McIntyre and Morrison before Kane tries to dump DiBiase.

Rhodes is #13 and saves Ted as he comes in. Morrison is sent to the apron and springboards back in, only to get dropkicked out of the air. Legacy goes after Kane but HHH saves him for no apparent reason. Cody saves himself from being eliminated and MVP is #14. Miz runs up behind him though and blasts MVP with the US Title. Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on McIntyre to break up the Future Shock on Kane. HHH is in trouble in the corner and MVP is carried to the back.

Carlito is #15 and the ring is starting to get full. There’s a Backstabber to HHH and one for Drew and Ted as well. Miz is #16 and hits a quick Finale on Carlito. Cue MVP to clothesline Miz out and eliminate himself in the process. Matt Hardy is #17 and lasts about 20 seconds before Kane puts him out. HHH immediately dumps Kane too and the ring is a lot more empty all of a sudden.

HHH starts laying out everyone and Shawn is #18. Carlito is backdropped out, Rhodes and DiBiase are tossed, Morrison gets dumped, and DX puts out McIntyre to get us down to DX. Before anything can happen though, Cena is #19 to get us to the final third of the match. Cena cleans house and hits a double Shuffle before getting caught in the Pedigree. Out of nowhere Shawn superkicks HHH out to pop the crowd BIG.

Shelton Benjamin in that stupid gold period is #20. He hits Paydirt on both guys but gets dumped by Cena in less than 50 seconds. Yoshi Tatsu is #21 and doesn’t even make it 30 seconds. Big Show is #22 and Cena is shaken. Big Show RUNS down to the ring and house is cleaned. Shawn and Cena try to eliminate each other but Show pulls Shawn back in for some reason. What’s up with that tonight?

Mark Henry is #23 and we get a quick battle of the giant. Who would think those two would have a world title feud a year and a half later and be REALLY popular? Henry slams Show and falls on Cena as he tries an AA. Show spears Henry down and Chris Masters is #24. Masters tries the Masterlock on Show and gets dumped for his efforts. Now Henry goes after Show but Shawn breaks it up for some reason. R-Truth is #25 and actually dumps BOTH big guys. There’s something you wouldn’t expect.

Truth hits a Stroke on Cena and Jack Swagger is #26. All three guys get Vader Bombs and Swagger goes old school with a very slow Oklahoma Stampede. Jack knocks Michaels to the apron but can’t get the elimination. Kingston is #27 and cleans house on Swagger, hitting the Boom Drop and dumping him out with a nice leverage move. Truth puts Kofi on the apron but gets pulled out by a reverse headscissors.

Jericho is #28 but after cleaning about half the house, Cena grabs an AA to put him down. Shawn adds the top rope elbow and tunes up the band but Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to take him out. Cena dumps Kofi but walks into a Codebreaker. Everyone is down and EDGE makes his big return at #29. That’s rather brilliant instead of waiting for the big surprise at #30, we get a SWERVE that actually makes sense.

Everyone gets a spear and Jericho is out. Edge is back about six months early and it’s Edge-O-Matics all around. Batista is #30, giving us a final four of Shawn, Cena, Edge and Batista. Not bad at all. It’s power all around but Edge spears him down. Everyone is down now Shawn gets up first and hits the forearm on Cena followed by the nipup.

Shawn slams every American in sight and drops the top rope elbow on Cena. Batista takes one too as Edge is still down in the corner. Sweet Chin Music hits Cena and there’s one for Batista as well. Edge clotheslines Shawn to the apron and Michaels superkicks Edge back in, only to get knocked out by Batista. The crowd gasps HUGE at that and Shawn is about to cry. Shawn gets back in and superkicks the referee to vent some frustration. Shawn FINALLY leaves and Cena escapes the Batista Bomb before dumping Batista out. Edge misses the spear but throws out Cena a second later to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is kind of a hard one to grade. They definitely followed the three act structure which helped a lot and the match was VERY fast paced. I mean, the longest anyone was in there was Cena and he barely broke 20 minutes. The problem with that is it doesn’t give anything time to develop. The main story was Shawn which is fine and he would get to Mania at the end of the day anyway. It’s a really fun Rumble but not one of the best ever.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is very solid and the rest has nothing terrible so we’ll call it a good show overall. Things would get a lot more interesting soon after this with the rise of the Nexus and a very solid Wrestlemania. This was also a time of transition for the company as a lot of the guys in this show would be gone by the end of the year. Anyway good show here and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Miz vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

Dang I liked Sheamus a lot more than I thought I did.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/29/royal-rumble-count-up-2010-one-of-the-best-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2008
Date: January 27, 2008
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City New York
Attendance: 20,798
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re in New York City again and there are three main events tonight. We have the usual Rumble and Edge defending the Smackdown Title against Mysterio, but the interesting one here was Orton defending against Jeff Hardy. I don’t know how they did it, but the company did an OUTSTANDING job of making Hardy seem like he had a very real chance of taking the title tonight and shocking the world. I had no idea who was going to win and I LOVED that feeling. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses more on the show being in MSG than anything else.

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Flair’s career is on the line but MVP’s US Title isn’t. Flair talks about having his first match here in 1976 but MVP’s music cuts him off. MVP takes him into the corner to start and he’s BALLIN already. Flair goes after the arm for a second before chopping away at the jumpsuit. MVP comes back with a running boot to the head for two before hooking a chinlock. The fans tell MVP that he sucks as he cranks on the chin.

Flair fights up and picks the leg, only to get small packaged for two. A backdrop puts Flair down and there’s a running boot to the face in the corner for three, but Flair has his foot on the rope. You know MSG isn’t buying that one. Flair tries to steal the pin but gets clotheslined down for his efforts instead. A superplex gets two for MVP and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Flair starts trying for some fast pins before slugging away. MVP punches him down and hits a facebuster, but the Playmaker is countered into a quick Figure Four to end this.

Rating: C. This was about what you would expect. At the end of the day, everyone knew Flair wasn’t going to lose this but it was a way to give him one last moment in MSG before retiring in April. I’m not wild on him beating the US Champion clean but the title hasn’t meant anything in years anyway so what difference does it make?

Vince talks to Horny about the Rumble. This is during the “Vince is Hornswoggle’s dad” phase. Vince tells him to not trust Finlay but he has to win. Finlay comes in and takes some offense to Vince telling them not to trust each other.

Mike Adamle is introduced as the newest broadcaster. Oh dear. For those of you that don’t remember him, imagine Cole but with something resembling charm.

We recap Jericho vs. JBL. JBL cost Jericho the title at Armageddon and tonight is the blowoff. JBL brought Jericho’s children into this too, saying Jericho would have to admit to them that he’s a coward. Jericho would use this same line against Shawn soon after this.

Chris Jericho vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Feeling out process to start with JBL hiding in the corner and ropes a few times. Jericho forearms him down and pounds away but gets sent to the floor. That doesn’t last long as he slides right back in and hooks the Walls but JBL immediately grabs the rope. A baseball slide keeps Jibbles on the floor where he is sent into the steps. Back in and Jericho charges into a hot shot to put both guys down.

A clothesline (not the one from down under) puts Jericho down as apparently he has a bad throat and neck coming into this. Bradshaw slingshots Jericho throat first into the middle rope and hooks a quick sleeper. Jericho fights out of it and hits a clothesline of his own, only to charge into a big boot. John sends him shoulder first into the post which busts his head open somehow. Back in and JBL pounds away at the cut as a villain would do. Jericho comes back but they botch a clothesline, causing both guys to get booed loudly. A Cactus Clothesline sends them to the floor where Jericho cracks JBL with a chair for the LAME DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work at all for the most part. Jericho didn’t work at all as a face with the short hair during this comeback and I think everyone knew it. Thankfully he would turn heel over the summer and have the feud of the year with Shawn. The ending to this sucked and I don’t think they had any other matches after this.

Jericho destroys JBL post match and chokes him with a cord, which is what JBL did to him. That gets Jericho cheered at least.

Santino tells Ashley that Maria won’t do Playboy. Thank goodness he was wrong.

We recap Edge vs. Mysterio. Edge is with Vickie now who just happens to be the corrupt GM. Mysterio won a Beat the Clock challenge by beating Edge himself to earn the shot. Edge is annoyed that Rey is claiming that Edge is just using Vickie, which of course he is.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Edge is defending if that’s not clear. Vickie, Hawkins and Ryder are at ringside as well. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. The fans LOUDLY boo Rey and cheer for Edge as Rey kind of messes up a rana. Edge runs him over but Rey speeds things up, causing Edge to panic a bit. Rey gets sent to the floor where Hawkins and Ryder go after him, only to stop when they’re nearly caught. The referee ejects them anyway.

Back in and Rey almost hooks the 619, only to have the champion bail to the floor. Rey is perfectly cool with diving to the floor to take out Edge, drawing boos in a bizarre sequence. Back in and a seated senton gets two for Rey but Edge takes his knee out to take over. Edge pounds away and hooks a half crab for a little while. Rey comes back with kicks to the face to escape and you would think he was choking a kitten from the crowd’s reaction.

Rey loads up the 619 but charges into a powerslam for two. Off to a kind of ankle lock hold but bending the knee instead of the ankle. Edge tries to take the knee brace off of Rey but gets caught in the sitout bulldog to put both guys down. Mysterio uses his good leg to kick Edge in the face for two before hitting another kind of seated senton for two. Like an idiot, Rey goes up and hits a double stomp for two. Smart move on a bad knee Rey. Edge is sent to the floor where Rey slide through the ropes into a tornado DDT for two back inside.

Back in and Edge kicks Rey right in the face to put him down again. Why over complicate things? The spear misses so Rey hits the 619 and the top rope splash, but Vickie pops out of her wheelchair to break up the count. Edge misses another spear and puts himself in 619 position, but Vickie jumps onto the apron to take the hit, allowing Edge to hit the spear for the retaining pin.

Rating: C+. This was ok but you kind of expect more from Edge vs. Rey Mysterio. The ending was about Vickie, which would become a running theme over the next few months. Edge being all conniving and backstabbing the already evil Vickie was awesome stuff, but getting there was tedious at times. Still not a bad match at all though.

Mr. Kennedy is waiting for Flair when he gets out of the shower in a towel. Shawn comes in before anything happens and shakes hands with Flair. Shawn: “Imagine, a loud mouthed platinum blonde with a catchphrase. That gimmick will never work.” Batista comes in (pop), as does HHH (lesser pop). HHH: “I’ve said this a lot of times before Ric, but put your pants on.” It turns into a merchandise plug in a cute bit.

Maria comes out to do the Royal Rumble Kiss Cam. This eats up some time until Ashley comes out to ask Maria to be in Playboy again. Santino comes out to insult the fans (and the Giants), saying the people would cheer if you asked if they wanted hepatitis. He brings out Big Dick Johnson with a rubber chicken and wearing a half Patriots jersey. You can figure this one out for yourself.

WrestleMania ad featuring Mae Young as a lifeguard. Ok then.

Mike Adamle introduces us to the next match, featuring Randy Orton vs. Jeff Harvey.

We recap Hardy vs. Orton, which is based on three simple words: Hardy could win. Apparently this match drew HUGE numbers for the Rumble, which showed why they held out on Hardy winning the belt for nearly a year. Hardy hit a HUGE Swanton off the set on Raw, which made you wonder how far he would go to win here. The video is a mini-history of Orton’s career to this point, which isn’t really a good idea for a heel. This is followed by a music video about Jeff Hardy set to the song Rooftops by the Lost Prophets, which really fits him well. I remember being very excited for the match and this video was a big reason.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff is Intercontinental Champion. Feeling out process to start with Jeff taking over via a headlock on the mat. An atomic drop gets two but Orton hits him in the face and brags to the crowd about it. Orton gets sent to the floor and a baseball slide sends him into the barricade. Hardy follows with a plancha to the floor as JR SCREAMS to get Orton back in the ring. Randy tries to walk out with the belt but Hardy will have none of that. Orton is rammed into the announce table and back inside we go.

As Hardy tries a springboard, Orton dropkicks him right back to the floor in a big crash. There’s the Orton Stomp and some choking as Orton shows off his wide range of offense. This is before Orton was orange so the visuals aren’t all that bad. A pair of knee drops get two on Hardy as Orton asks the fans if they believe in Jeff still. Hardy sends Orton over the top to the floor, followed by a bad clothesline off the apron (it hit Orton’s arm and completely missed his neck and chest).

Back in again and Jeff misses a charge into the post, giving Orton both a two count and control again. Randy hooks a chinlock with a bodyscissors followed by a powerslam for two. Back to the chinlock (yep it’s an Orton match) to fill in some time. Jeff fights up again and takes Randy down with a clothesline but can’t follow up. Jeff starts striking with everything he’s got and hits the Whisper in the Wind to fire up the crowd even more.

That’s one thing I haven’t talked about enough here: the fans are WAY behind Hardy here. It isn’t the usual New York reaction to a face. They want Jeff to win the title NOW. Hardy hits the slingshot dropkick in the corner but before he can hit the Swanton, Randy bails to the floor. Jeff is cool with that and hits (kind of at least) a moonsault to the floor. Back in and Jeff loads up the Twist but Orton counters into the RKO out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. That’s a really bad finish for a few reasons. First of all, it’s WAY too sudden. If they were shooting at punching the audience in the stomach I guess they accomplished that, but it doesn’t do much else. Hardy winning was an option, but at the end of the day they made the right move here….I think. I was disappointed Hardy won, but thankfully WWE stretched it out for a LONG time before he got the title, which was the right move at the end of the day.

Hardy gets a well deserved standing ovation. His time would come.

We get the Rumble by the Numbers video, which is always a favorite of mine. Here are those numbers:

20 years of history

21 winners

569 superstars in the Rumble

36 eliminations (by Austin, since broken by Shawn)

11 Rumbles for Shawn (since broken by Kane)

11 eliminations for Kane in 2001

3 identities under which Foley entered the Rumble in 1997

2 feet that must touch the ground

1 woman in the Rumble (Chyna, since joined by Beth Phoenix and Kharma)

62:12 of time that Mysterio was in the Rumble

2 seconds that Warlord lasted in the Rumble (since broken by Santino)

3 wins for Austin, still a record

1 is the spot that has the same amount of wins as #30 (Shawn and Undertaker)

4 men that have won the Rumble from the 27 spot, the most ever

73 percent of the Rumble winners have won the title at Wrestlemania

I love that.

Royal Rumble

As introduced by Michael Buffer (only the Fink gets all caps in the Garden), #1 is Undertaker, #2 is Shawn Michaels,. Now how’s THAT for an opening pair? Isn’t it amazing how a RANDOM pairing finishes the match the previous year and opens it this year? 90 second intervals here which seems to be the right amount of time most of the years. Taker powers Shawn around to start and elbows him in the corner.

Shawn gets crotched on the ropes but Taker GOES AIRBORNE with a running boot that misses in the corner. Shawn charges into the grip of Taker as he gets back in but there’s no chokeslam. Taker kicks him in the face instead as Santino is #3. Twenty five seconds later Shawn superkicks him and Taker gets the elimination. Shawn tries to dump him but Taker hangs on and works on the arm.

Old School is countered and Shawn hits an atomic drop as Great Khali is #4. Taker jumps him as he comes in as Shawn is down from something we missed. The big chop puts Taker down as the fans tell Khali he can’t wrestle. They grab each other by the throat but Khali misses a chop and gets eliminated. Shawn never touched Khali but charges at Taker when it’s just the two of them.

Hardcore Holly is #5 and is a tag champion here. Taker slugs Holly down but Shawn tries to dump the big man again. John Morrison, also a tag champion but with Miz instead of Cody Rhodes like Holly, is #6. Morrison looks at Taker and immediately goes after Holly instead. Shawn dumps him to the apron but John gets back in. That winds up being bad for him as he get slammed down by Shawn followed by the top rope elbow.

Shawn tunes up the band but Morrison blocks the kick. Tommy Dreamer is #7 to a big pop and a LOUD Tommy Dreamer chant. #8 is Batista as we get another good blast of energy. Big Dave and Taker knock everyone down (no eliminations) and they stare each other down, only for Dreamer to charge at Batista, earning himself an elimination. Shawn goes after Batista now but Dave spears Morrison down instead.

Hornswoggle is #9 and immediately dives under the ring without ever getting in. Batista and Taker hammer on each other in the corner as Holly clotheslines Shawn to the apron. Chuck Palumbo, a lame biker at this point, is #10. Taker flips Morrison to the apron but he hangs on again. Shawn and Morrison fight on the top rope as Jamie Noble, Palumbo’s enemy at this point, is #11. Noble has taped up ribs so his offense can’t last long. Palumbo dumps him after less than a minute.

At the moment we have Taker, Shawn, Holly, Batista, Palumbo and Morrison in the ring with Horny underneath. #12 is CM Punk as Morrison makes ANOTHER impressive save. Punk is insanely popular in New York of course and fires off running knees in the corner to everyone he sees, only to charge into a clothesline from Undertaker. Morrison, the guy that took the ECW Title from Punk, pounds away on him. Punk takes Palumbo out but gets jumped from behind by Shawn.

Cody Rhodes is #13 before he means anything at all. Yes he’s a tag champion, and yes I stand by what I just said. Cody goes after Punk before shifting over to Taker like an idiot. Umaga is #14 to a decent pop. He spikes Holly out and gets to try on Batista for a bit now. Shawn gets backdropped to the apron but hangs on of course. Snitsky is #15 and badly pounds on everyone at once.

Rhodes jumps on Snitsky’s back and they both head to the apron but no further than that. Taker gets headbutted by Umaga as the ring is starting to get too full. Miz is #16 with those stupid shorts of his. He goes after Punk as Taker tries to put Umaga out. Shelton with his even stupider gold hair of his knocks both Miz and Morrison off the top and onto the ropes but not out, before walking into a superkick from Shawn for the elimination in less than 20 seconds.

Jimmy Snuka of all people is #18 to a HUGE pop. He goes after Morrison as the fans do Snuka’s barking kind of chant. Taker gets a headbutt which staggers the dead man before Snuka goes after Miz. At #19 here’s Roddy Piper to an even BIGGER pop. He takes his shirt off and causes about half the audience to faint before having a showdown with Snuka, which the rest of the match (remember this includes Umaga, Taker and Shawn) stops to watch. Piper pokes Jimmy in the eyes and the match finally picks up a bit.

Kane is in at #20 to hopefully clean out the ring a bit. Yep he knocks out Piper and Snuka before chokeslamming Miz. Taker loads up a chokeslam on Kane but before he grabs the throat, he spins around and grabs Michaels instead. Carlito is in at #21 and spits the apple at Rhodes. Punk and Morrison pick up Carlito but he kicks off the ropes and sends them both into them. Punk kicks Morrison in the head but gets caught by a Backstabber. Cool little sequence there.

Mick Foley is #22 and you know the fans freak out for him. A double arm DDT takes Kane down as Umaga hits a Samoan Drop on Taker. The ring is WAY too full now with Taker, Michaels, Morrison, Batista, Punk, Rhodes, Umaga, Snitsky, Miz, Kane, Carlito, Foley and Horny under the ring. Morrison hits a springboard kick to take Foley down and Kennedy is #23. I’ll say this: the ring has some star power in it.

There’s a Mic Check to Miz and a kick to Taker after he sits up from something. A chokeslam puts Kennedy down and Taker starts beating up everyone. Here’s Big Daddy V at #24. Taker shoves Snitsky out, Shawn superkicks Taker out and Kennedy throws Shawn out. The only question I have from that: why is Taker on his feet after being superkicked? Taker drops a leg on the announce table on Snitsky because he’s a big jerk at times.

Kennedy and Rhodes fight to the apron as Henry is #25. Horny comes out from under the ring and pulls Miz out from the ring for an elimination. Horny goes back under the ring as V is trying to put out Morrison and Kennedy. Chavo is #26 and freshly ECW Champion, thereby making it clear that the ECW Title isn’t a world title. Kane sends Morrison to the apron and then to the floor with a big boot.

Horny comes in again as V and Henry double team him. Finlay runs out ahead of the gun (presumably at #27) and blasts both guys with the club. He and Horny leave through the ropes and don’t return, with the official statement being that Horny was eliminated for leaving and Finlay was disqualified. In the Rumble. Yeah this story was just badly done overall. Elijah Burke (D’Angelo Dinero) is #28.

Chavo dumps Punk after taking his title on Tuesday. That’s just overkill man. Umaga spikes Batista under the ropes and out to the floor. HHH is #29 which leaves a hole at #30. Basically every major star has entered and the announcers aren’t sure who is possibly left. Rhodes, V, Foley and Burke all go out at HHH’s hands before he pounds on Umaga. The countdown begins for #30.

The roof is blown off the Garden, because JOHN CENA is #30. This is shocking as Cena had torn his pec and had announced that he would be gone until Wrestlemania at the earliest. Imagine that: lying about an injury and getting a big response from the crowd. Who would have ever thought of that, and in wrestling of all things? Carlito, Chavo and Henry are all gone in about fifteen seconds before it’s HHH staring Cena down.

We’ve got Cena, HHH, Batista, Kane, Umaga and Kennedy to go. HHH takes Cena down with a spinebuster but walks into a superkick from Umaga. Batista takes Umaga down with the spinebuster and dumps Kennedy to get us down to five. There goes Umaga and we’re down to four. HHH and Batista dump Kane and we’ve got three left. Batista gives the double thumbs down, Cena says you can’t see me and HHH says suck it. Them are fighting catchphrases and it’s on.

Trips and Cena go after Big Dave but he clotheslines them both down. The spinebuster plants Cena and another one takes HHH down. The fans don’t seem thrilled with Batista so they cheer when Cena backdrops him down. HHH clotheslines Batista out and we’re down to HHH vs. Cena.

Since this is New York, the fans hate Cena by default and it’s boo/yay time. Triple H pounds away but walks into the Protobomb and the Shuffle. The finishers are both countered and they clothesline each other down. Cena can’t FU HHH out and gets caught in a DDT. The finishers are countered again until Cena hits the FU on HHH for the elimination and the win.

Rating: C+. It took awhile to get through the bad parts but once Cena’s music hit the place was electric. The fans booing Cena doesn’t surprise me at all because that’s how New York works. Cena would wind up facing Orton at No Way Out for some reason, resulting in a three way at Mania with HHH involved as well.

Cena celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well it definitely wasn’t terrible but at the end of the day, nothing is really all that good here at all. The best match is probably Hardy vs. Orton and that’s just ok. On the other hand though, nothing is really bad here and you likely won’t be bored with the show. It’s one of those shows where you watch it and other than Cena’s return, you probably won’t remember watching it two days later.

Ratings Comparison

Ric Flair vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: C

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Jericho

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Wow the Smackdown title match really changed things around here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/27/royal-rumble-count-up-2008-screw-wwes-list-this-is-the-1-rumble-moment/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

Eddie Guerrero. If you honestly believe this show is about anyone but him, you’re completely wrong and missing the point. Tonight’s show is about milking as much as we possibly can out of Eddie’s dead body, because the entirety of the Smackdown main event scene until Wrestlemania (and even glimpses of it for years to come) would be about Rey Mysterio fighting for Eddie’s memory against people like Orton. I never have been comfortable with this but it is what it is. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.

Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.

Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.

Teddy gushes to Vince about how excited he is over the Rumble. Vince is happy because he has Torrie, Victoria and Candace Michelle doing the drawing. They were a heel Divas stable at the time which didn’t work at all. HHH and Orton come in to draw and only the latter seems pleased with his number. Amazingly enough, these guys got the EXACT SAME NUMBERS that Guerrero and Flair got when they came in to draw last year.

Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Trish is referee and I didn’t realize she was in some barely there shorts. I miss Mickie wearing those skirts that often flew up above her waist. The problem with Ashley was simple: she wasn’t that good. Mickie cranks on the arm but Ashley counters into a wristlock of her own. Massaro armdrags Mickie down and it’s clearly Mickie flipping while Ashley moves her arm.

James heads to the floor to get a breather but Ashley hits a clothesline off the apron to take her down. Back in and Mickie snaps, basically turning heel mid-match. Mickie hooks a standing half crab to fill in some time as it’s clear Ashley has nothing to do here. We head to the floor where Mickie rams Ashley’s ribs into the post. Back in and Mickie hooks a bow and arrow hold to work on the back even more.

Ashley catches an incoming kick from Mickie and starts her “offense” but can barely hook a crucifix. The only good thing about it was Mickie’s skirt flying up but the rollup only gets two. Massaro shoves Ashley into the corner and the fans are openly booing now. She’s just absolutely horrible and thankfully Mickie kind of powerbombs her out of the corner for the sloppy pin.

Rating: D. Again, anything with Trish looking that hot involved can’t be considered a failure whatsoever. She was likely there because it was clear that the match was going to be horrible and the fans had to have something to be distracted by. Thankfully Trish and Mickie would get to have their excellent Mania match instead of another Ashley mess. Terrible stuff but hot women in tiny outfits make up for it.

Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman

This is part of an ongoing feud, which involved Boogeyman eating a growth off of Jillian Hall’s face. Do yourself a favor and don’t ask. Oh and I forgot to mention the set. It’s themed like a coliseum with guards opening up the doors for the wrestlers to come in. They did that at some of the old King of the Rings and I still like it.

John hides behind Jillian for awhile and then bails to the floor, leaving the blonde chick to get stalked. Boogeyman puts worms in his mouth and spits them into Jillian’s mouth. Boogey gets sent to the floor and into the steps before JBL chokes away a bit more. The Clothesline misses and a pumphandle powerslam ends JBL in less than two minutes. I have no idea what the point of this was.

Mama Benjamin comes in and hits on Vince. Thankfully Shelton comes in to save Vince from a future paternity suit. Melina comes in to hit on Shelton but Mama takes him away quickly. Mama Benjamin was one of those ideas that didn’t make a ton of sense and didn’t accomplish anything but it certainly exists. MNM draws their numbers as well. Vince and hits girls sit on the couch to watch the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble, which says everyone thinks they’ll win. Vince is vindictive against Shawn around this time too. Apparently there will be some returns tonight as well.

Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.

Rey takes HHH down and hits a Bronco Buster as Psychosis is #4. He immediately goes after Rey before kicking HHH down. Psychosis busts out a freaky move where he hooks a Rock Bottom grip on Rey but lifts him into the air and slams Rey face down. Rey gets put in a Razor’s Edge position but ranas Psychosis out for the elimination. Ric Flair is #5 and goes right for HHH. They slug it out with Flair taking over but ducking his head into the facebuster. Ric comes back with a crotch grab but HHH rakes the eyes and backdrops Flair out.

Big Show, who hates HHH at the moment, is #6. They were feuding at this time, I believe over HHH injuring Big Show’s hand with the hammer. Show chops him in the corner and HHH falls forward onto Show’s chest. A headbutt keeps Rey down and there’s a side slam to HHH. Like an idiot, Big Show picks up HHH and slams him to the mat instead of to the floor. Coach is #7 and makes it about thirty seconds before Show puts him out.

Show does that stupid slam thing to HHH AGAIN. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt him or anything. The chokeslam takes HHH down again and here’s Lashley at #8. He and Show slug it out with Show getting backdropped to the mat. Kane, Big Show’s tag champion partner at this point, is #9. He and Lashley stare it down and Kane kicks Lashley’s head off.

Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.

Carlito is #11 and goes for Mysterio as is the theme tonight. There’s a Backstabber to put Rey down in the corner, where he’s been for a lot of the match tonight. Carlito punches HHH down and here’s Benoit at #12. Everyone gets a German and Carlito taps to a Crossface which means nothing here. HHH breaks it up for no apparent reason and whips Benoit hard into the corner.

The Game puts Benoit on the apron and they fight over a suplex with Benoit winding up on the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH down and hits the Swan Dive before Booker T is #13. He’s US Champion here and in tights, which suggests an injury to me. Oh yeah he’s barely moving out there and just letting Benoit chop him. Benoit dumps him in about 20 seconds so yeah Booker must have been hurt.

Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.

Johnny Nitro is #16 to give us the Smackdown tag champions in the ring at the same time. HHH is upside down as Tatanka chops Nitro down. Nitro is John Morrison if you don’t remember him. Mysterio is finally back to his feet after being down for about half the time he’s been in the match. Trevor Murdoch is #17 and chops away on Tatanka as the match calms down again. Eugene is #18 and immediately Hulks Up, hooking an airplane spin on Murdoch. Mysterio hits a double bulldog to take both guys down to remind us that he’s still there.

Road Warrior Animal is #18 and immediately takes MNM’s heads off with a double clothesline. A powerslam puts Nitro down and we hit another lull. RVD is #20 and is back for the first time in nearly a year. Animal and Benoit have a staredown until Benoit gets kicked in the face. RVD kicks MNM down and backdrops Animal out to finally clear some room out in the ring.

Orlando Jordan is #21 and no one cares. Van Dam hits a kick to Carlito’s face off the top and Chavo Guerrero is #22. Nitro takes Three Amigos but Chavo goes up and is immediately knocked out by HHH. Matt Hardy is #23 and hits the Twist of Fate on Jordan. RVD and Rey combine to get HHH to the apron but they can’t get him out. MNM put out Tatanka and there are way too many people in this match with three letter initials. Super Crazy is #24 and literally flips to the ring.

At the moment we’ve got HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, RVD, Jordan, Hardy, Crazy and now Shawn Michaels at #25. Why are there THIRTEEN PEOPLE in the ring at once? Everyone swarms Shawn but he punches them all off until Murdoch gets in some shots on him in the corner. There goes Trevor and Carlito knocks Shawn to the apron but not out.

Chris Masters is #26 and Hardy sends HHH to the apron. Viscera is #27 in his World’s Largest Love Machine period. He sits on Matt and does his anal rape thing as Mercury saves himself from being eliminated. Matt gets some boots up in the corner but is thrown out pretty quickly thereafter. Shelton is #28 and Benoit eliminates Eugene. Goldust returns at #29 and chops a bunch of people to no reaction.

Orton is FINALLY #30, giving us a final group of HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Crazy, HBK, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE MATCH. To give you an idea of how lame the star power is other than like three people in this, the final five were Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Other than Randy that’s like a medium budget indy show, not the last five entrants to the Royal Rumble.

Randy almost immediately puts out Benoit. Seriously? You can’t put out Masters or Jordan? It just HAD TO BE Benoit??? An RKO takes down Viscera so Masters and Carlito can throw him out. Carlito immediately turns on his partner and dumps Masters. Goldie loads up Shattered Dreams on Carlito and gets in a good kick, only to be eliminated by RVD. Orton puts out Jordan and Shawn and HHH finally go at it. MNM double teams Shawn but gets eliminated for their efforts.

Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.

We’re down to Carlito, Van Dam, HHH, Mysterio and Orton. Van Dam kicks Carlito out and we’re down to four. Van Dam kicks Orton in the head and teams up with Mysterio to beat on the Evolution guys. Rob goes up top but HHH crotches him and sends Rey into the corner to knock Van Dam out, getting us down to three. Evolution teams up on Rey but he knocks them both into the ropes for a double 619. Orton takes the seated senton but HHH clotheslines Rey down.

Orton powerslams HHH down but the RKO is countered into a spinebuster. HHH goes after Rey and gets flipped out to get us down to two. Cole’s voice is almost gone. HHH, ever the nice guy, pulls Rey to the floor and sends him into the steps. Mysterio is basically dead so Orton takes his sweet time. That’s his downfall though, as Rey counters the elimination attempt into a rana and sends Orton out for the win. Naturally he had to be #2 which the WWE considers less than #1 for absolutely no apparent reason, but that’s HHH for you.

Rating: C-. This isn’t a bad match, but man alive is it boring. There are three major problems in this match. First of all, there were WAY too many people in the ring at most given times. Like I said, once Orton got in there we had fifteen people in the ring at once. That’s double what the number should be around and it clutters things up way too much with that many people in there.

Second, as I touched on near the end, the talent pool was pretty shallow here. I mean, MNM aren’t bad but they don’t need to be in the final grouping of the Rumble. Guys like Masters and Carlito should have been eliminated earlier but just stuck in there. That gets old fast and it was begging for someone like Shawn to come in there and eliminate like five guys at once.

Finally, since there were so many people in there at once, it was hard to focus on any single story. You had stuff like HHH trying to go wire to wire but that got lost in the shuffle. Rey was on the mat for long stretches of time so he wasn’t really noticed either. Shawn’s issues with Vince only popped up for the elimination and were only touched on. When you can’t focus on one thing, you can’t focus on anything and that makes for a dull match. One good thing was that Rey wasn’t a guaranteed winner, so there was some drama. It’s not a bad Rumble but it was badly run.

Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.

Rey celebrates when Edge comes in and says don’t even think of challenging him at Mania.

We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

Cena walks across a catwalk that lowered from the ceiling and hops in over the top. You know, in case it’s wasn’t clear enough that Edge had no chance here. Cena clotheslines him down to start but has to chase Edge back inside, allowing the champion to send Cena into the buckle. We head to the floor again with Cena having to avoid Lita and getting sent into the steps as a result. A baseball slide sends Cena over the barricade and the match stops again.

Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.

Cena grabs a quick FU attempt but Edge counters into a rollup for two. A big boot puts Cena down but he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Edge tries a rear naked choke of all things which Cena eventually breaks up. The spear misses and there’s a DDT to put both guys down. It’s Cena up first to start his finishing sequence but Lita distracts the referee. Edge misses a charge and is sent into Lita, setting up Cena for the FU and STFU to get the title back.

Rating: D+. This was a world title match at the Royal Rumble? Why? Edge never felt like he had Cena in trouble and the match wasn’t anything that you would remember five minutes after it ended. Lita’s cleavage was awesome but when that’s the best thing about a match….well you shouldn’t be surprised because it often was in Edge’s matches, but still, pretty lame match here that made Edge look like a footnote. Obviously that would change, but not a good start for him here.

Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!

We recap Angle vs. Henry. Batista had been scheduled to face henry but tore his triceps and had to vacate the title. Angle won the title in a battle royal and gets to defend here. The idea is that Henry is way too strong for Angle. Seriously, that’s the story. Why this main evented the show isn’t quite clear.

Angle is all I’M THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD and no one can beat me. He leaves but comes back to tell Mark Henry that he SUCKS. This version of Angle was AWESOME, as he would just go out there and go beast mode on everyone and make them look like fools trying to keep up with him. Also he was perfect for a quick title reign like this as no one would question him popping up out of nowhere and taking the title. Those kind of people are hard to find but Kurt was one of them.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Angle gets overpowered to start. That’s about all there is to say for the first two minutes or so, as Kurt keeps getting shoved around and then taken to the floor. Henry whips him into the steps and then stands on Angle’s chest back inside. We hit a bearhug for a bit until Angle hiptosses out of it. He tries a cross body like an imbecile but rolls out of the World’s Strongest Slam. The ankle lock and Angle Slam are no good so Henry clubs him down again.

Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.

Rating: D. Seriously, why was this……

And a gong strikes. That’s why.

As for the match, it sucked pretty terribly. Why would we buy Henry as a potential champion here after him showing no proof of being at that level? The match wasn’t even ten minutes long, making it feel much more like a TV match than a PPV title match. I know they wanted to do the big ending with Taker, but there had to be a better way to do it.

Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.

Overall Rating: D. I watched this show over the course of two days, and honestly the only thing that came to my mind other than the last ten minutes of it was how Trish looked in that referee outfit. That’s how completely forgettable this show is. Nothing came out of this show as Cena was champion all over again, making the last three weeks feel like nothing. Nothing to see here and definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

Original: C-

Redo: D

Boogeyman vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: F-

Redo: N/A

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: C-

John Cena vs. Edge

Original: B

Redo: D+

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Original: D-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

What was I on for that Edge vs. Cena match?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/25/royal-rumble-count-up-2006-eddie-guerrero-puts-on-a-mask-and-wins-the-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6