Wrestler of the Day – November 24: Ron Bass

Today we’re looking at one of the most common wrestling characters of all time: the evil cowboy with Ron Bass.

Bass got his start in 1975 but we’ll pick things up on June 16, 1979 (my mom’s birthday actually) in Memphis.

Ron Bass vs. Pat Hutchenson

This seems to be Pat’s debut. The much bigger Bass nails Pat in the face to start and plants him with a slam. Some forearms to the back set up a suplex and a running powerslam ends Pat. Total squash.

Same territory with a better opponent at some point in 1981.

Jerry Lawler vs. Ron Bass

There’s a bit of clipping on this one but it doesn’t seem too bad. Bass is Jimmy Hart’s latest fighter in the war with Lawler. Ron takes him into the corner to start but Jerry comes back with a right hand to knock Bass to the floor. More punching ensues and Ron goes outside again. Back in and Jerry drops an elbow drop for two as Jimmy makes a save. Hart says this is No DQ which clears up the question I was about to ask.

Bass knocks Lawler to the floor and rams him face first into a chair. He does the same with the announcers’ table before a chair to the back has Lawler in trouble. We’re clipped a bit to Bass bringing in the chair for another big shot to the ribs. A swinging neckbreaker gets two and an atomic drop gets the same on Jerry. More clipping to Lawler getting all fired up and the strap comes down. A bunch of right hands drop Bass and the middle rope punch is good for the pin.

Rating: D. This was your standard “let’s punch each other a lot” matches and there’s a limit to how good those matches can be. That being said, this is Jerry Lawler in Memphis. He could sit in the ring eating a sandwich and the fans would cheer him until the end of time. That’s quite the compliment to him and this was his old standard, though the clipping made it hard to keep track of.

Some of Bass’ biggest suggest was in Championship Wrestling From Florida. Here he is at some point in Winter of 1983.

Kevin Sullivan vs. Ron Bass

Bass is a face here and has a broken hand. He hammers on Sullivan with the cast to start and Sullivan bails to the floor. Back in and a kick to the jaw sends Kevin outside one more time before Ron cranks on an armbar. Sullivan fights back up and stomps away but dives into a right hand to the ribs. Bass sends him into the buckle a few times and nails the powerslam, only to have Angelo Mosca come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Another kick and punch match here but I liked the energy they had here. It wasn’t a good match or anything like that, but just the way the crowd was going kept things moving. Bass isn’t terrible as a face, which is really odd to see after all the years I’ve spent seeing him as the evil cowboy.

Off to Starrcade 1984 with Bass in the NWA.

Mid-Atlantic Title: Ron Bass vs. Dick Slater

This is the other fallout match from the attack on Steamboat as it was Bass helping and Slater who was tied up in the corner. Bass is defending and is also half of the Mid-Atlantic tag champions with Black Bart. Slater knocks Bass to the floor to start and it’s time to stand around. Slater chases Dillon into the ring and out to the floor as we’re still waiting on any significant contact.

Back in and Slater suckers Bass into the corner before putting on the move of the night with a headlock. Back up and we go right back into the headlock as we wouldn’t want this to get too exciting. Bass bails tot he floor but gets pulled back inside very quickly. Back in and Bass rams Slater into the buckle and caught in the ropes where Bass punches him back and forth like….something that pops right back up when it goes down.

Slater comes back with some right hands and a boot over the face. After Slater is sent to the floor, Bass pounds him down but Slater starts Hulking Up. It’s short lived though as during the comeback, Slater hits the referee. Dillon comes in and gets beaten up as well but after a slam and legdrop to Bass we get the DQ.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t as horrible as some of the other matches, but again this was nine minutes of punching and headlocks. That’s one of the major problems with this show: everything is so basic and low level that it’s almost impossible to get interested in anything. Also great job here of having Slater get revenge: by losing.

From the next year’s Starrcade.

Ron Bass vs. Black Bart

This is a Texas Bullrope match and if Bass wins, he gets a five minute bullrope match with JJ Dillon, his former manager and Bart’s current manager. You win by pinfall here. Bass immediately hits him in the head with the bell on the rope and Bart is in trouble. Bart is busted less than a minute into the match and Bass pounds him in the head with the bell over and over.

Bart tries to punch his way out of the corner and gets choked with the rope for his efforts. Bass pounds in more shots to the head as we have a recurring theme to this match. Bart finally gets in a bell shot of his own to bust Ron open, but after a few more he misses a charge and goes flying to the floor. Bass keeps pounding away with the bell on the floor, including with a shot off the apron. Back inside and you can insert your own NEEDS MORE COWBELL joke here.

Bass wraps the rope around Bart’s neck and pounds away as the match somehow gets even more repetitive. Both guys fall down as JJ, clad in a tuxedo t-shirt, screams at Bart to get up. Another bell shot sets up a crotching from Bass with the rope. A HARD bell shot to the head has Bart down yet again. Ron pounds on him on the mat but has to stop to yell at JJ, allowing Bart to get back up. The Black one misses a charge in the corner though and a middle rope bell shot from Bass is enough for the pin.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t wild on this one. The big problem here is that it’s the same stuff over and over and over again, meaning it gets really dull after the first few minutes. Some of the bell shots looked great but when you have like thirty of then in an eight minute match, they kind of lose their effectiveness. Not terrible but it’s the epitome of a one idea match.

As a result of that win by Bass, we get this.

Ron Bass vs. JJ Dillon

This is a five minute bullrope match and JJ jumps Bass as the bell rings. JJ chokes away with his boot and hits Bass in the head with the bell. Then he hits Bass again with the bell. Now JJ mixes things up by hitting Bass in the head with the bell. They FINALLY do something else as JJ chokes him down with the rope, only for Bass to make a comeback and slug JJ down with the bell for a bit. A big shot to the head has Dillon down but the referee gets bumped. Bart comes back in and piledrives Bass, giving JJ the cheap pin.

Rating: F. What was the point of this again? To give Bass revenge? I guess so, but I don’t call a few shots to the head with a bell and then getting beaten up by the guy he just beat getting revenge. I’m assuming JJ dumped Bass recently for Bart, but that’s one of those things that the announcers didn’t feel was important enough to explain to us.

Bass would head to the WWF as a much more standard evil cowboy. We’ll start on Superstars, January 24, 1987.

Gladiator/Jimmy Jack Funk/Ron Bass vs. Dan Spivey/Mike Rotundo/Blackjack Mulligan

Well that’s a team for you. On an interesting note, Mulligan is the father of the man that Spivey replaced in the US Express: Barry Windham. Not sure if there’s a point to this or not but whatever. Jesse says his report on Andre and Hogan is coming next week on Piper’s Pit. You have no idea how awesome this sounds to me. Ron Bass doesn’t like Mulligan. Yeah this went nowhere thank goodness. This is mainly about Vince arguing with Ventura so it’s more or less awesome. I have no idea who the Gladiator is but Mulligan pins him.

From October 28, 1987.

Ron Bass vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is a Wrestling Challenge match here, which is the equivalent of Superstars today. I don’t recognize that commentator. One of them is Mike McGuirk (female announcer), one is Nick Bockwinkel and I don’t recognize the third. I think it’s current TNA boss Bruce Pritchard. We’ll go with that. Bass is a cowboy and gets caught with a top rope chop to send him to the floor.

Bockwinkel talks about whether or not top rope moves should be banned. Give me a break. McGuirk is talking about how handsome/good looking Steamboat is. Ok then. Bass takes over and hits a chop for two. Powerslam gets the same. Swinging neckbreaker gets countered and both guys are down. Steamboat counters a suplex into one of his own. They slug it out from their knees and then ram heads. Sleeper is countered by Bass and they go to the floor. They brawl to a double countout.

Rating: F. Horribly dull match here as both guys were in about -5th gear the whole time. Steamboat was coming back from the time off where his wife had a baby (and he lost the IC Title as a result) so maybe it was rust. This was awful though and probably the worst Steamboat match I’ve ever seen.

Bass was in the opening match at the first ever Survivor Series in 1987.

Team Honky Tonk Man vs. Team Randy Savage

Honky Tonk Man, Harley Race, Ron Bass, Danny Davis, Hercules

Randy Savage, Jim Duggan, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts, Brutus Beefcake

Honky doesn’t have Cool Cocky bad as his theme music yet which is a shame. It’s amazing how great the music got in the late 80s. After the heel entrances, Team Savage says they’re here to settle scores. This was a different time as almost all of the faces were friends by default as were the heels just because they were faces and heels. The feuds going into this are Honky vs. Savage and Race vs. Duggan. Other than that the guys are just random midcarders who are faces or heels on a team, which is a pretty cool idea.

The place erupts for Savage’s entrance. Even Jesse couldn’t deny how great Randy was and was a huge fan in his own right. It was clear they had to do something with him soon, and they certainly did soon enough. In the answer to a trivia question, it’s Beefcake vs. Hercules starting the first Survivor Series match ever. Beefcake struts a bit and not much goes on for the first 20 seconds or so.

Hercules (guess what he’s known for) runs Beefcake over but walks into Barber’s sleeper but he falls into his corner to tag in Davis, one of the lowest lever guys you’ll ever find who somehow wasn’t a jobber. He’s a wrestling referee. Seriously, that’s the extent of his gimmick. He’s a referee who cheated a lot and got fired. Savage and Steamboat (who are apparently fine after wanting to kill each other about eight months ago) take turns on Davis but Steamboat misses a charge and it’s off to Race, the current King of the WWF.

Steamboat chops Race in the head and man alive how amazing would those two be able to be in a long old school program? Steamboat skins the cat (I’ve asked this many times, but is that really the best name they could come up with for that? I mean, skinning a cat?) and sends Race to the floor before bringing in Duggan to pound away on Race, knocking him to the floor. Hacksaw heads out with him and they brawl to a double countout, making it 4-4.

Bass (a standard old school cowboy) comes in to face Roberts but it’s quickly off to Savage. A knee sends Bass into the corner and Savage is starting to roll very fast. Savage immediately goes after Honky due to the really bad blood between the two of them and it’s lets Bass get in a shot. Off to the IC Champion (Honky) who gets in some cheap shots but like any good heel, he tags out when Savage starts coming back.

Bass comes in again but a blind tag brings in Barber (Beefcake for you younguns) who hits a high knee for the elimination. Hercules comes in and the bad guys start working over Beefcake’s arm. Off to Honky with an armbar and then right back to Herc. Wisely they’re keeping that schmuck Danny Davis out of there. I guess he’s there because he works for Jimmy Hart but other than that there’s no logical reason for him to be there.

Beefcake tries to punch his way out of trouble but Honky stays on the arm. To say Honky wasn’t much on offense is an understatement as he barely looks to be cranking on the hold at all. Beefcake fights out of the hold but won’t tag because he’s kind of dumb. Davis adds the only thing he’s going to add the whole match and knees Beefcake in the back so that Honky can hit the Shake Rattle and Roll (swinging neckbreaker) for the pin on Beefcake to tie us up at three.

Off to Savage vs. Hercules with the power guy taking over. Davis comes in and things suddenly go downhill for Honky’s team. Yeah, a referee beating on Randy Savage doesn’t work. Who would have guessed? Honky comes in and gets elbowed in the head which lets Savage tag in Jake to pound away. The comeback doesn’t last long though as Jake charges into a boot in the corner and it’s off to Herc. That goes nowhere so here’s Davis and since his offense sucks (BECAUSE HE’S A REFEREE) Jake shrugs it all off and DDTs him to death, making it 3-2 (Savage/Steamboat/Roberts vs. Hercules/Honky).

Herc comes in and takes Jake down and Savage tries to come in for a save, which just allows the heels to double team Jake. Savage isn’t thinking here because of his anger, almost like…..a savage. Oh you’re very clever WWF. Honky hooks a chinlock and Hercules comes in to do the same. Jake hits a jawbreaker to escape and there’s the hot tag to Steamboat who cleans house with chops.

A top rope chop has Herc reeling and it’s off to Savage for the elbow. It’s just Honky left and Savage explodes on him, only to miss another charge (third one for Savage’s team) and let Honky get in some offense. That lasts all of six seconds as the beating continues. Jake comes in and pounds away on him, followed by Savage dropping a double ax. An atomic drop sends Honky to the floor and he’s like screw this and takes the countout. Can you blame him?

Rating: B. This was a really fun match with a good story to it. The fans HATED Honky and the idea of getting him caught at the end with no one to defend him had the fans going nuts. Honky vs. Savage was a great feud but it never had a blowoff due to a bunch of backstage stuff. Honky would somehow hold the title nine more months before perhaps the greatest end to a title run ever at Summerslam. This was a great choice for a first match ever for the concept too as it showed how the idea worked and gave the fans something to cheer about too. Really good stuff.

Here’s a match at a house show in Houston on December 10, 1987.

Ron Bass vs. Ricky Steamboat

Bass holds him off with a whip so the Dragon goes out and grabs a chair. Naturally Steamboat speeds things up and gets a quick sunset flip for two. The cat is skinned and Steamboat gets what we would call a rana for two. For some reason the cameraman wearing a Hulkamania shirt makes me chuckle. Bass takes over and gets a clothesline but walks into something like an enziguri (granted it hit the back but no one knew what it was supposed to be at this point anyway) to send Bass to the floor.

Back in and Steamboat grabs the arm to take the bigger man down. I know it’s basic but it’s about the smartest thing you can do so there’s a reason it’s that common. McGuirk is like Booker T as all she really says is an occasional move in the ring. Steamboat tries to speed this up again but walks into a hot shot to finally shift control to Bass. Piledriver gets two.

Bass hammers away with a knee drop (called Knee-monia by Doherty and making me want to take a knee to the head so I hopefully forget that joke) to the head and various other basic offense for two on a few occasions. Pretty weak swinging neckbreaker gets two. Off to the chinlock now and Steamboat’s face is all crushed up, making it look hilarious.

Here’s the comeback and Steamboat goes up for the top rope chop. Steamboat can’t keep anything going here as a clothesline takes him down again. Out of absolutely nowhere, Steamboat gets a cross body not off the ropes to end this. Surprising endings like those are always fun, especially for the live crowd.

Rating: C-. Never been a fan of Bass but it’s hard to argue against Steamboat in the late 80s. Not bad here but really just a way to kill about ten minutes. Steamboat would be gone in about five months and would head back to the NWA where he would win the world title in February of 89.

Bass also opened the show at Survivor Series 1988.

Team Ultimate Warrior vs. Team Honky Tonk Man

Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, Jim Brunzell, Blue Blazer

Honky Tonk Man, Bad News Brown, Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine

This is fallout from Warrior winning the title at Summerslam. Brunzell is subbing for Don Muraco who has left the company at this point. That’ll be a recurring theme tonight. Valentine and Beefcake starts us off, making it the second year in a row that Beefcake has opened for his team. It’s quickly off to Davis and the sleeper puts him out in less than a minute and a half. Well to be fair there’s no reason for him to be around anyway. Valentine charges right back in to continue the war of the original Dream Team, which I doubt most people would remember at this point.

Greg goes after the legs as is his custom, but since we’re only about three minutes into the match, the Figure Four is broken up. Well to be fair everyone says that Valentine doesn’t get warmed up for about ten or fifteen minutes so he’s still looking for his keys at this point. Off to the Blazer (played by then mostly unknown Owen Hart) who drops an ax handle onto Valentine, giving us the trademark slow fall.

Valentine goes for the arm (not a hammer lock which takes away the irony of it) but Blazer easily takes him down with a headscissors and brings in Brunzell. The Killer Bees were gone at this point so he’s just a guy in trunks. He’s a guy in trunks with a good leapfrog though as he clears Valentine with a lot of room to spare, only to get slammed down. Brunzell pops up and hits the dropkick but it’s off to Bad News. Sweet goodness was this guy born in the wrong generation. Imagine him after the rise of MMA, remembering that he’s a legitimate Olympic bronze medalist in judo.

Brown comes in like the headhunter he’s known as and kills Brunzell with a clothesline. Brunzell tries some basic stuff so Brown kicks him in the chest and beats on him in the corner. Brunzell misses a charge in the corner and the Ghetto Blaster (enziguri) gets the easy pin to tie things up. Brutus comes in and grabs Brown so Houston, one of the least intimidating guys ever, can come off the top with a double ax.

Houston misses a charge in the corner and Brown pounds on him like a stupid looking dancing white boy. A clothesline takes Houston’s head off and here’s Valentine. Make that Brown again and Valentine accidentally hits Brown. That ticks off Bad News and he walks off. That’s not a face turn. He just didn’t like anybody. Houston tries to steal a pin on Valentine but Greg is like boy please.

Off to Bass in a match that I think happened before in the NWA. A rollup gets two for Houston but he charges into another boot in the corner. That’s a popular move in this match. A middle rope cross body gets two for Sam and a forearm from Bass takes his head off for two. Houston’s monkey flip is countered into a powerslam and he’s gone, thank goodness. The guy is just not interesting or good at all.

Warrior comes in to fire the crowd up and attacks everyone left on the other team (Valentine, Bass and Honky vs. Warrior, Beefcake and Blazer at the moment). Honky comes in because he’s not that bright and there he goes, flying through the air off a shoulder tackle. Off to Bass who gets slammed down and hit with a Rocket Launcher from Blazer. Honky comes in and is cross bodied down immediately. A monkey flip and dropkick have Honky in even more trouble so it’s off to Valentine.

Owen gets crotched on the head of Valentine during a leapfrog but apparently Blazer has balls of steel because he suplexes Valentine down and drops a knee for two. Blazer goes up but Honky shoves him off, sending Owen down onto his knee. The Figure Four means a quick elimination by Valentine and we’re down to 3-2. Off to Beefcake vs. Valentine and Jesse mentions that these guys were not only a team but tag champions. Why is that such an afterthought?

Off to Bass who also has history with Beefcake but that isn’t mentioned here, despite it happening like three months before this. A headbutt keeps Beefcake down and it’s back to Elvis Man. His contribution is ramming Beefcake’s head into Bass’ boot and tagging in Valentine. Well no one ever accused him of being a ring general. After Warrior charges in like an idiot, it’s back to Honky for Shake Rattle and Roll, but Brutus backdrops out of it to start his comeback.

Back to Bass who hits a top rope clothesline to keep the advantage and brings in Honky who goes up. Beefcake punches him in the ribs because Honky is about as fast as Arn Anderson at going to the top. Beefcake wins a slugout and we get the eternally funny selling of an atomic drop by Honky. There’s the sleeper but Man dumps them to the floor and they fight to a countout.

This leaves us with Valentine and Bass vs. Ultimate Warrior. Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. A double clothesline puts Warrior down but Valentine can only get two. More double teaming works for a bit but Warrior gets to the ropes and starts shaking. Another double clothesline doesn’t work and an ax handle each gets the two pins to make Warrior the sole survivor.

Rating: C. Not the best match in the world but for a midcard match it was fine. Warrior was insanely over here (as well as insane in general but that’s another talk for later on) and the fans erupted for his comeback at the end. The rest of it is just ok and there’s nothing wrong with that. This was the right choice for an opener though.

Bass’ last feud in the WWF was with Brutus Beefcake, capped off with this match at Saturday Night’s Main Event XIX.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Ron Bass

This was a fairly brutal (for its time) feud as Brutus had cut up Bass’ whip so Bass had used his boot spur on Brutus’ head, cutting him badly. They put a big red X on the screen with the word censored over it, even though Brutus moved around and you could see the cut anyway. That cost Brutus the IC Title shot he had at Summerslam. This is hair vs. hair.

I don’t think they’ve both been in the ring for more than 30 seconds yet. It’s pretty much all Brutus at this point and you know what happened because I said that. Bass gets a nice piledriver. There’s very little to this match at this point. Bass takes forever to go for the pin and after arguing with the referee he walks into a sleeper and of course he’s out in about 4 seconds.

After the commercial he cuts the back of his hair as Bass is apparently out cold for about 5 minutes from a 4 second sleeper. Dang he actually did cut it. Always nice to see them actually do what they’re supposed to do. Perfect timing that he wakes up just when the haircut is over isn’t it?

Rating: D+. This was pretty weak but not awful I guess. This was your run of the mill thing but Bass was your standard heel and Beefcake was WAY over so it works out fine I guess. This was ok for an opener and it does give a blowoff to the feud so it served its purpose in that sense.

Like I said, Bass isn’t exactly the most interesting character in the world but the mid 70s were a different time. He was good enough at what he did to stay employed and that’s more than you can say for a lot of wrestlers back then. That armless Pedigree finisher of his wasn’t half bad.

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Wrestler of the Day – September 29: Steve Austin

Today we’re looking at perhaps the biggest star of all time: Steve Austin.

We’ll start things off with part one of the Trilogy.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Vince is guest referee due to the issues earlier tonight. Oh wait here’s Shawn Michaels, the Commissioner, to say that Vince isn’t referee and that it’s going to be a normal referee. The Corporation is barred from ringside as well. Rock is defending if that wasn’t really clear. The place of course goes INSANE for Austin, who for some reason is in an Austin t-shirt instead of the trademark vest. It’s a brawl to start as you would expect with Austin being knocked out to the floor and sent into the announce table. Apparently Vince does have the power to make this No DQ.

Back in for more punching by Rock but he gets backdropped up and over to the floor a second later. They brawl into the crowd where we can barely see them but it’s Philly so it has to be expected. Austin blasts the Rock in the back and they head back to ringside. Scratch that as they’re already going back into the crowd on the other side of the arena. Back to ringside again and Austin is choked with a cable for a bit.

Now they fight up the aisle with Austin hitting a fast clothesline. Austin loads up a piledriver on the concrete, only to be backdropped onto a light instead. Rock is thrown into some kind of equipment and they clothesline each other. Now it’s Rock being choked by a cable and then being thrown into the Wrestlemania XV sign, which wobbles in a scary sight. Rock suplexes Austin in the aisle and spits some water in his face at the announce table. Austin drops him face first onto the barricade before laying him on the announce table for an elbow drop which doesn’t break anything.

The second attempt at an elbow puts Rock through the table and we head back into the ring after about eight minutes of brawling. Wait Rock bails to the floor and wraps Austin’s bad knee around the post. They’re still not ready to stay in the ring as Austin sends Rock into the steps and stomps away a bit more. NOW we head back inside but Austin walks into the Rock Bottom for two. Rock brings in a chair but Austin takes it away and cracks the referee with it by mistake.

A Stunner is blocked and Rock elbows Austin down before laying him out with the chair. Another referee comes in for a two count off a chair shot to the head. Off to a chinlock for an understandably needed breather. Austin fights back up, only to be clotheslined right back down. Back to el chinlock but they fight up again, only for the referee to go down AGAIN. The Stunner hits but Earl Hebner runs down for a very close two. Here’s Vince again as Austin gets a fresh chair.

The distraction lets Rock hit Austin low to block a chair shot and Vince gets in as well. Vince drops Hebner and it’s a double team beatdown on Austin. Cue a hobbled Mick Foley to beat up Vince and count a fast two on Rock. The Thesz Press takes Rock down but Rock comes back with a clothesline and another Rock Bottom. Austin avoids the Elbow, fights out of another Rock Bottom, and Stuns his way to a third world title.

Rating: B-. This one really depends on your taste. They didn’t try to have a regular match here at all and maybe that was the right idea. It’s definitely the weakest of the Austin vs. Rock at Wrestlemania trilogy but Rock wasn’t ready to hang with Austin in a match like this year. The rematch at Backlash would be AWESOME to make up for this, but even this wasn’t bad. It’s very typical of the time, which doesn’t make it dull. This was definitely entertaining, but it’s certainly not for everyone.

The main event of the biggest Summerslam ever in 1998.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

Do you really need more of an explanation than that? If you’ve never seen the video for this set to Highway to Hell, make sure to check it out as it’s one of the best ever. The basckstory is Undertaker wants the title back and might be in league with Vince in order to do so. He’s also guaranteed that Kane will NOT interfere in this match. Taker is a tweener at this point as he has all the characteristics of being evil but hasn’t made the turn yet.

Austin fires off right hands in the corner to start but Undertaker throws him into the corner to take over. A clothesline gets two on Austin and there’s a double bird. They trade arm control until Austin takes him down with a drop toehold (!) into a hammerlock. Taker fights out of an armbar and whips Austin into the ropes for the spot that changes the entire match: Taker ducks down and gets kicked in the face, but the challenger’s head snaps up and rams into Austin’s chin, breaking his jaw and knocking him silly for the rest of the match.

Taker hits a quick suplex and a hot shot as Austin is still getting his head together. Some punches in the corner put Austin down again but Steve pulls him to the floor and rams Taker’s leg into the apron. It goes around the post as well before Austin takes him back inside before being taking the jumping clothesline. Old School is countered with a hip toss off the top and Austin stomps away on the leg.

Kane pops up at the entrance but Undertaker tells him to go back. The brawl keeps going but Austin goes to the floor to make sure Kane is gone. A somewhat sloppy chokeslam brings Austin back in but he clotheslines Taker to the floor. They fight into the crowd with Taker backdropping Austin onto the concrete. Back to ringside with Austin being rammed back first into the post, making JR scream that Austin may be paralyzed. That would be two years in a row if true.

Austin fights out of the corner but gets sent back first to the apron again. Back to the floor and Taker loads up the announce table which is always scary. He chokes Austin out on the table and goes up top for a HUGE legdrop off the top but the table DOESN’T BREAK! Austin slides off the table and the crash looks great. Back in and Austin is just gone but he kicks out at two. Austin gets up a boot in the corner and they clothesline each other down again.

Back up and Austin wins a slugout but there’s almost nothing behind his punches. There’s the Thesz Press and the (lacking middle fingers) elbow. Austin is whipped hard into the corner and tries a Stunner but Taker falls backwards in an awkward fall for two. Taker comes back with a chokeslam but the tombstone is countered into a very ugly sequence culminating in Austin being crotched. A Russian legsweep puts Austin down and Taker loads up Old School, but Austin crotches him on the top and the Stunner retains the title.

Rating: B-. The injury crippled them out there as Austin was totally out of it for about 90% of this match. The match isn’t terrible but it’s way below what they were shooting for and what the fans were expecting. It was a good idea to keep Kane out of this and it keeps Taker’s character ambiguous which is the right call here. That injury just stopped everything cold here though and dragged the match way down.

Off to the match that really made Austin a big star. From Survivor Series 1996.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

They stare each other down in the middle of the ring and Austin flips Hart off. This feels like a huge fight which is exactly what it’s supposed to do. Austin takes Bret into the corner and gives a clean break. Bret goes for Austin’s leg and they go into the corner as well for another clean break. I love matches where the guys mirror each other. JR says neither of these guys have ever submitted in the WWF. That’s not actually true but we’ll go with it for the sake of simplicity.

Austin actually wins a technical battle and cranks on the arm. Bret does the same and adds a hammerlock. They fight for wristlocks and Bret takes it to the mat, working on the arm. Austin fights up and takes his head off with an elbow. Bret stays technical, Austin turns it into a brawl. This is going to have some good psychology in it I’d assume. Bret takes it right back to the mat and cranks on the arm again.

Back up and Austin drops Bret with a Stun Gun and immediately chokes. Hit the neck, work on the neck. It’s not complicated. Austin stomps on the neck and throat before slingshotting Bret’s throat into the bottom rope. An elbow to the neck/chest sends Bret to the floor and Austin is starting to roll. Back in and Austin hooks a chinlock before dropping knees to the chest/throat for two.

They slug it out with Austin knocking Bret into the corner. Bret comes back with an atomic drop (which Vince calls a reverse piledriver because he’s Vince McMahon and isn’t a very good announcer) and a clothesline followed by a Russian legsweep for two. A bulldog attempt by Hart is countered by sending him chest first into the buckle. Austin loads up a superplex but Bret slams him down and hits a top rope elbow for a delayed two.

Austin escapes a backbreaker with a rake of the eyes as momentum shifts again. Bret gets sent to the floor and Austin just pounds on him with forearms and punches. Austin rams him back first into the post as the attacks shifts to the back. Bret comes back by sending him into the barricade, breaking the thing apart. They head into the front row and knock the barricade over. Austin is in trouble again and Bret chases him to the other side of the ring.

Steve is like screw this defense thing and sling shots Bret onto the Spanish announce table. They fight underneath the table with Austin pounding away. Austin was a smart heel in that instead of standing around, he wanted to beat on Bret even more when he had Bret down. Back in and Austin drops a middle rope elbow for two. A running crotch attack to Bret’s back gets another two and Austin is getting frustrated.

Off to an abdominal stretch and of course Austin grabs the rope. Back up and Bret wins a slugout before Stun Gunning Austin right back to take over again. A piledriver puts Steve down for two and Bret is exhausted. Bret hits a backbreaker and goes up, only to get crotched and superplexed down. Austin has that look in his eye where you know he’s feeling it. Bret hooks Austin’s feet after the superplex but only gets two.

Bret goes after Austin and walks into a Stunner but it only gets two. It gets another two and make that four. Austin is all ticked off now and pounds away at Bret before getting two more. He puts Bret in a solid Texas Cloverleaf but Bret still won’t quit. He makes the rope and the fans breathe a sigh of relief. Austin sends him into the corner but Bret’s knee gives out and Bret’s back hits the post.

That gets two and Austin goes back to the Cloverleaf. Scratch that as he makes it a bow and arrow instead. It’s amazing how much different that broken neck made Austin. He’s a completely different guy here and it works really well too. Austin grabs the ropes to block a Sharpshooter and there’s a sleeper but Austin hits a jawbreaker to escape. Austin slaps on the Million Dollar Dream but Bret climbs up the buckles and backflips onto Austin for the surprise pin. Steve is stunned, no pun intended. Apparently this was a #1 contenders match. Ok then.

Rating: A+. It’s Austin vs. Hart for 25 minutes. Were you expecting anything but a masterpiece? This match isn’t remembered for one reason: they had a rematch which is one of the greatest matches of all time. This however is liked better by a lot of people and I can easily get that. This is a pure, hard hitting wrestling match which ends with a wrestling counter. The psychology here is incredible with Austin wanting to prove he can go move for move with Bret before finally getting outsmarted when Austin was frustrated and trying one of his old moves. This is one of the best pairings of all time.

We’ll throw in a quick WCW match from Bash at the Beach 1994.

US Title: Ricky Steamboat vs. Steve Austin

In a month, Austin will be jobbing the title to Duggan in 27 seconds and Steamboat will be gone. Yeah taking Austin, who is cursing a lot around this time, and Steamboat who is still good in the ring and replacing them with a WWF jobber to the stars that was one of Hogan’s friends had NOTHING to do with Hogan. Neither does Orndorff or Beecake getting pushes. Not a thing at all.

Steamboat is more or less Shawn Michaels at this point, as he’s much older and a title means nothing to him as his name is far more than enough to get him by and over with the fans and he can wrestle with anybody and get a good match out of them. It’s so weird hearing these two talk about Austin. That name just sounds wrong coming from them. Heenan says he went back to Hogan’s dressing room and said there had to be 500 people there.

Now this is stupid for one reason or another. First of all, I don’t think WCW had 500 employees in a year, and two, the fire marshal could shut the show down if that’s the case. Third, HOW BIG IS HIS DRESSING ROOM? It’s not like he’s Dusty Rhodes and his fat needs a building to hold it. Austin has Dragon Slayer on the back of his tights. Steamboat just kind of falls out of the ring. It looked very odd.

You know, I find it amusing that Bischoff said that Austin was unmarketable as he was. He’s cursing, lying, cheating and wearing black. This is just amusing stuff. The fans boo the arm work. SCREW THEM. This is why wrestling died. The fans weren’t booing when Hogan was nowhere in sight, but we put Hogan in there and all of a sudden psychology and actual wrestling go out the freaking window, because we can’t have anyone under 6’5 and under 275 have a good match right?

We can’t have a guy wrestle a 45 minute match or anything like that. Tony and Heenan talk about seeing Flair and Steamboat going for an hour or an hour and a half and I drool over the thought. It’s very sad to realize that probably 75% of the fans in the world today would call Flair vs. Steamboat and their trilogy of epics in 89 a boring series.

Today there’s a complete hatred of psychology and a disdain for anything that goes on longer than ten minutes or so because the fans can’t keep their interest in a show that long. Take this match for example. It’s been psychology based and mainly about them not being able to stay in control. It’s been a great match but of course the fans are booing it because it’s slow paced and it’s building to a climax and is (allegedly) making Austin into a big deal.

That of course doesn’t happen because Jim Duggan needed to get a push and a three month run with the US Title. Why? DO NOT QUESTION HULK HOGAN! Austin hits the STUN Gun, his finisher, for two and then tries to throw Steamboat over the top, which would be a DQ, but it’s Ricky Steamboat so he skins the cat and is back inside.

That and the nip up are just amazing moves to pull off. Austin sets for a tombstone and it’s reversed which is reversed which is reversed and Steamboat gets it. The fans are INTO THIS now. See what happens when you HAVE PATIENCE??? They somehow crank the speed up and Steamboat hits a cross body and Austin rolls through and the ropes get him the pin and keep the title on him. The last four minutes or so were freaking amazing.

Rating: A-. AWESOME stuff here, as they went back and forth for twenty minutes and somehow cranked it up about ten notches for the finish. This right here is an example of what WCW was about before Hogan showed up: two guys out there with a good amount of time having a great wrestling match.

Hmm, now where have I heard about matches like these before? Matches where they start at the bell and go hard all the way to the end. You might say it’s action that goes for the total match with no stops at all. Yeah that can’t happen though. WE WANT LEGDROPS AND YELLOW TIGHTS BLAST IT IT!!!

Here’s a showdown with one of Austin’s biggest in ring rivals. From No Way Out 2001.

Steve Austin vs. HHH

First is a regular match, second is street fight, third is cage. MASSIVE pop for Austin, but the crowd has been white hot all night. I’m surprised that this is in the middle of the card but you know it’s going to get some time. Maybe they want to do this so the crowd isn’t spent at the end? Naturally it’s a slugfest to start. Mudhole is stomped 30 seconds in. Big old AUSTIN chant as he dominates early on.

Modified hot shot to take down Austin though as this is fast paced for the most part. Pedigree is blocked into a DDT on the arm which I need to learn the name of. We head to the floor as Austin works the arm. This is a regular match but Austin ramming HHH’s arm into a post about 6 times is perfectly fine? HHH can’t do the Pedigree because of his arm, which is SELLING! Simply shaking your arm is passable, but having it prevent you from doing your moves is SELLING.

Thesz Press and Austin is dominant so far. HHH gets his foot up when Austin is coming off the ropes, but for once Austin actually has his arms up to look like he’s doing a move. I hate when people just jump into it for the sake of jumping into it. Neckbreaker takes HHH down but it doesn’t do much due to the weak arm.

HHH goes after the knee which is Austin’s weak point as well. He goes for the leg into the post thing but Austin counters and HHH and the nose of doom hit the post. Back to the knee as HHH takes over with a figure four. Austin gets out and does a nice move where he gets HHH n the mat and beats on him with his leg. Cooler than it sounds. Thesz Press and the elbow get two.

Everyone counters everything and we slug it out. HHH gets a kick to the knee and goes to the middle rope. He jumps into the boot though and Austin hits the Stunner for the completely clean pinfall.

No rest period between falls and we’re right back at it again. It’s a street fight now and we hit the floor. Austin’s knee is ok I guess as he hits some suplexes on the floor. Monitor connects with HHH’s head and apparently it’s broken. Naturally we head into the crowd and it’s all Austin. Back in the ring and Austin destroys HHH Rock-Style with a chair.

After nearly murdering HHH we head back to the floor where Austin finds a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire for no apparent reason. A low blows allows HHH to blast him in the face with it though and Austin is bleeding. HHH sets for the Pedigree on the table but Austin counters and sends him through the other table which EXPLODES. Awesome stuff so far if you can’t tell.

Back in the ring a bell shot (Austin brought it in earlier) gets two for HHH. This is a war with both guys hitting all these big shots out of desperation. Back to the neck with a neckbreaker onto the chair for two. Backdrop by Austin sends HHH free falling over the top. Cool looking drop. More weapons stuff on the floor but the intensity and selling is making it work.

You can barely hear Lawler here as his mic is messed up or something. HHH finds a sledgehammer and Lawler accuses JR for putting it there. Back in the ring again and a Stunner is blocked by a sledgehammer shot to Austin’s head. Pedigree follows that and thankfully that ties us up at 1-1. I would have rolled my eyes very heavily if Austin had kicked out of that.

The cage is lowered as we get a quick break. It’s been about 30 minutes so far and nothing but awesome. Austin is more or less dead and eats the cage again. HHH gets the barbed wire 2×4 and rips Austin’s face open a bit more with it. The sledgehammer and at least one chair are also in there with them. Make that two chairs, one of which saves Austin as he blasts HHH in the head with it.

HHH gets it in the face (I would have thought that would have been Stephanie but whatever) for a long time but gets a DDT out of desperation onto the chair but it only gets two. The crowd is a bit silent but it’s pretty clear that the fans know nothing is going to end without something huge. Austin comes back and goes OFF on HHH who just collapses face first out of the corner.

Game tries to bale but he Austin makes two saves, culminating with an old school slam off the top rope. Stunner is blocked but the Pedigree hits for TWO. The place erupts on the kickout and HHH is shocked. Another is blocked and HHH gets hit with a slingshot into the cage. Stunner hits and both guys are out. After the break Austin covers for two as this is awesome. HHH gets the hammer and Austin gets the 2×4. Both swing with everything they’ve got and connect, but HHH falls on Austin for the pin. I think I need a cigarette.

Rating: A+. Without question, this is awesome. Any of the three falls is great to say the least and the ending was perfect. Both guys are protected but not in a way that makes it look like they’re being protected. HHH got lucky and won it, as Lawler says that it’s not fair to say either guy really won. Just an absolute WAR with these two beating the living tar out of each other and making the crowd love every minute of it. With 40 minutes of these two beating each other to death, how is it not a perfect match?

Here’s an interesting match that I’d like to see brought back again. From In Your House XIII.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Vader vs. Steve Austin vs. Undertaker

This has some unique rules in that it’s elimination style with eliminations coming from pinfall, submissions or over the top rope with both feet hitting the floor. Other than that, anything goes. Undertaker and Vader go at it while Austin gets pounded into the corner. Undertaker goes after Bret before punching Austin as well before getting VERY risky with Old School. Vader comes back with a belly to belly suplex on Undertaker but the dead man sits up.

The two monsters fight to the floor which means they’re still in the match. Vader’s chair shot hits the post instead of Undertaker before the dead man kicks it back into Vader’s face. Undertaker sends Vader into the steps, busting him open before pounding away on the cut. Both guys head inside where Bret has been working over Austin’s back to join the fight. Now it’s Vader pounding away on Undertaker’s face as Austin breaks up a sleeper from Bret. Undertaker chokeslams Vader but Austin tries a Stunner, only to have Undertaker turn to the side, making it more of a neckbreaker.

Bret pounds on Vader but the monster hits him low and they head outside. Undertaker pounds away on Austin in the corner but Steve comes back with a neckbreaker. Vader hits Bret in the back with a chair a few times as his eye is just gushing blood. All four guys are on the floor with Undertaker backdropping Austin on the concrete. Undertaker goes after Bret while Vader stumbles out to the floor to beat on Austin. Steve sends Vader into the steps and drops them on Vader’s back as Undertaker gets two on Bret via something we couldn’t see.

Bret takes over and goes after the Undertaker’s knee as Vader sends Austin into the barricade. This match is really hard to call with everything that’s going on. Austin hits Vader with the belt a few times but Vader fights back and drags Bret to the floor for no apparent reason. Austin tries to come off the top on Undertaker but gets crotched as Vader and Bret fight up the aisle. Vader is sent into the crowd and Undertaker gets a two count on Austin. Undertaker tries to throw Austin out for the first time but Austin comes back with a clothesline for two.

Sid is watching in the back as Vader puts Bret in a Sharpshooter of all things on the floor. Austin breaks it up for no apparent reason so Bret goes after Steve in retaliation. Undertaker pounds on Austin but Bret wants some of the dead man, allowing Austin to hit the Thesz Press on Vader and fire off even more right hands. Undertaker goes after Austin but Bret drops Undertaker, leaving Hart as the only man on his feet. Vader hits a nice clothesline on Undertaker as Bret hits a good looking piledriver for two on Austin.

The 450lb Vader misses a moonsault onto Undertaker, firing the crowd up even more. The monsters head to the floor to brawl even more as Vader’s eye is looking horrible. Austin tries to throw Bret over the top rope but Bret saves himself and slugs Steve down as Vader chokes away on Undertaker. Bret drives some elbows into Austin’s face for two but Undertaker goes after Austin instead. Hart comes back with a low blow on Vader, sending the blood down onto his chest in a scary visual.

Austin stomps on Undertaker but the dead man tries to backdrop him out to the floor. Vader tries an armbar of all things on Bret as Austin has Undertaker over the top rope and onto the apron, but it appears that Austin has hurt his knee in the process. Keep that in mind as it comes into play later. Bret goes after Austin as Steve can barely even stand up. Not that it matters as he’s thrown out just a few seconds later.

Back in the ring and Undertaker splashes Vader in the corner so Bret goes after the dead man and Vader helps him, sending Undertaker under the ropes and to the floor. Bearer gets in an urn shot to Undertaker as Vader goes up top, only to be superplexed down. Vader’s face is COVERED in blood now.

There’s a Sharpshooter to Vader but Undertaker breaks it up out of instinct. Cue Austin to go after Bret and send him into the post. Back inside and Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but Undertaker gets to his feet and low blows him out, leaving us with two men. Undertaker chokeslams Bret and loads up the tombstone but Austin breaks it up. Undertaker goes after him, allowing Bret to get a rollup for two. Bret pounds away on Austin before clotheslining Undertaker out to the floor for the win and the title.

Rating: A. This is such a unique match that I’m surprised they’ve never used the rules again. The key to the match was keeping the pairings moving, giving you a string of matches instead of the same guys fighting over and over again. Vader’s eye looked HORRIBLE and made the match that much better. As for Austin’s knee injury, allegedly he was supposed to win the title here and lose it to Sid the next night thanks to Bret but the knee injury changed things.

Here’s the rematch that Wrestlemania XV should have been, at In Your House XXVIII.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Steve Austin

This is no holds barred with Shane McMahon as referee and Austin loses the title if he touches Shane. Rock, still in possession of the Smoking Skull belt, gets a big pop of his own but of course it pales in comparison to Austin’s. Austin pounds away in the corner to start as the fans are immediately into this. Rock comes back with right hands of his own as the Smoking Skull belt is taken to the back. Austin hits the Thesz Press and the middle finger elbow for one.

The champion gets sent to the floor and clotheslined down before they head up to the entrance. Austin tries a comeback but gets whipped through a fence, knocking part of the set over in the process. Rock’s suplex is countered into one of his own to give Austin the advantage again. Now it’s Rock being sent into the pile of the set and clotheslined down on top of it. Rock is whipped through a barricade and gets rammed in the head by a rolling anvil case for good measure.

The Corporate one comes back by sending Austin into a camera and clotheslining him down. We shift momentum again with Austin slamming rock down on the concrete and whipping him into the steps back at ringside. Back inside and Austin stomps away in the corner, only to be reprimanded by Shane. The distraction lets Rock charge at Austin and get backdropped up and over to the floor in a big crash. Austin loads up a piledriver through the Spanish announce table but gets countered into a Rock Bottom instead.

Both guys are down with Shane telling Rock how excellent that was. Rock gets on Spanish commentary and calls Austin trash (in English) as Shane throws him a chair. Austin kicks him in the ribs to block the shot and they head back into the crowd for another clothesline to the champion. A low blow keeps Austin in trouble and Rock lays him across the announce table before taking over a camera for more comedy. Rock looks out at the crowd but pans back to Austin flipping him off and hitting a Stunner through the announce table. Nice idea there.

Both guys are down at ringside as we get a replay of the Stunner, this time entirely from Rock’s perspective. Back inside and Austin tries another Stunner but Rock shoves him into Shane. There’s the Rock Bottom for a close two after Shane put Rock’s hand on Austin’s chest. Shane grabs the belt (the regular one, not the Smoking Skull) but accidentally hits Rock. Austin covers for two but Shane flips Austin off at two. Shane starts bailing up the aisle but here are Vince and another referee. Vince knocks Shane out with the Smoking Skull belt and Austin hits a Stunner and belt shot to Rock’s head to retain the title.

Rating: B+. This was a solid Attitude Era style brawl and the match that should have happened at Wrestlemania. The ending is more shades of gray than I prefer with Vince helping his mortal enemy to take out his new enemy. That’s just not something Vince would do, especially with what’s coming in the near future.

Here’s an Attitude Era preview from In Your House XIX.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Steve Austin

Rock brings the Nation with him so Austin drives a Stone Cold truck down the aisle. The brawl is on immediately and the bell hasn’t even rung yet. The Nation gets in the ring and beats Austin down four on one. Austin gets up and backdrops D’Lo onto the hood of the car before Stunning him on the top. The bell rings and Austin slugs it out with Rock before taking him down with a Thesz Press and more right hands.

Rock throws him to the floor and the Nation gets in a few extra cheap shots to the back. They fight into the aisle but Kama’s chair shot hits Faarooq in the head, allowing Austin to ram Kama head first through the window. The fans are just nuts for Austin here. Austin hasn’t even been able to take his vest off as Rock pounds away at him and chokes on the ropes. Rock stomps Austin down in the corner before dropping the yet to be named People’s Elbow.

We hit a chinlock to give them a breather but Rocky misses another elbow attempt. Now it’s Austin stomping Rock down in the corner but has to punch Kama instead of Stunning Rock. Austin backs up and blindly Stuns the referee. Rock finds some brass knuckles but gets caught in the Stunner as another referee comes in to count the pin.

Rating: B-. This one depends on your taste but the match is very important from an historical perspective. This match paved the way for what would become the Attitude Era style with no semblance of order or rules and the two guys just beating the tar out of each other. The style had to be implemented to protect Austin’s neck and give him a way to still compete while not risking further injuries. These two would have a lot more matches and we’ll get to see one of the better ones later.

Speaking of XIX, here’s the end of the Trilogy at Wrestlemania XIX.

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Austin pounds away to start but can’t hook an early Stunner. Rock bails to the floor but gets clotheslined down in the aisle. Austin rams him into the steps and chops away before dropping him onto the barricade a few times. Rock is whipped HARD into the steps before they head back inside. A big clothesline puts Rock down but he takes out Austin’s bad knee to send Steve to the floor.

Rock stomps away on the knee as Austin stumbles around ringside. The leg is wrapped around the post but Austin pops up with more right hands. Rock kicks the leg out again and puts on the Sharpshooter, only to have Austin crawl to the rope. JR goes on a big rant against Lawler about how this is a wrestling match and not about puppies or Hollywood. Rock wraps the leg around the post a few more times before heading outside and putting on Austin’s vest.

Austin comes back with a clothesline and the Thesz Press to pound away on Rock. The middle finger elbow keeps Rock down again and it’s time to stomp a mudhole, but Rock comes back with right hands. Austin counters with a Rock Bottom of his own for a very close two. Rock fights up and hits a Stunner of his own out of nowhere for two more. Back up again and Rock pounds away, only to walk into the real Stunner for another close two.

Austin goes to pick Rock up but the guy with Austin’s vest on hits him low to break it up. The People’s Elbow misses but the Stunner is countered into a spinebuster, followed by the removal of the vest and the Elbow for two. A Rock Bottom gets two on Austin, another Rock Bottom gets two but a BIG Rock Bottom is finally enough to end Austin.

Rating: B+. It’s definitely a step or three below the one from two years ago but it’s definitely still entertaining. My problem with it as usual though is that it doesn’t have anything on it. When you have two huge matches between the two before when they were on top and now you get them both well past their primes for nothing but pride, it’s a bit harder to get into it. Still very good, but not as great as their others.

Austin salutes the crowd for the final time as he leaves. As of this September 2014, this is Austin’s final match.

Here’s Vince Russo’s booking at its absolute peak. From In Your House XXII.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Mankind

Vince is guest referee, Patterson is ring announcer and Brisco is timekeeper. Fink gives Patterson a LONG intro, including a mention of Patterson’s tournament victory to become the first Intercontinental Champion (JR: “Wink wink.” For those of you unfamiliar, the tournament is the worst kept secret in wrestling history as there is zero evidence that it ever existed. It’s since become a running joke in wrestling).

Brisco gets a similar introduction and takes time to point out the Brisco Brothers Body Shop sign painted on one of the cars, which gets a full ad from Patterson, complete with address and phone number. Vince gets a speech fitting of a president as this is hilarious stuff. Love is called “the cat that makes the kittens purr.” Patterson refuses to introduce a bum like the champion. Vince tells Austin to hand him the belt but Undertaker comes out to keep watch on everything. The entrances are literally over twelve minutes long.

They fight into the corner to start and Vince breaks it up, earning a double bird from Austin. Love shoulder blocks him down for a fast two count and Undertaker gets up onto the steps. The place is LOUDLY chanting for Austin here. Austin grabs a headlock as a loud Vince is dead chant starts up. Steve punches Dude’s false teeth out and throws them into the crowd

for one heck of a souvenir.

The Thesz Press puts Love down again and a clothesline puts Dude on the floor. Austin is whipped into the steps and Vince declares there are no countouts. We head back inside for a Russian legsweep for two on Austin. A knee to Austin’s back gives Dude a target and a running knee in the corner gets two. Austin comes back with a swinging neckbreaker and three clotheslines in a row before stomping a mudhole in the corner. Love counters a whip into the corner and grabs the Mandible Claw, only to be sent over the ropes with his head tied in the cables.

They head outside again with Love throwing Austin over the announce table. Patterson reminds us that this is No DQ as the rule changes continue. They fight into the crowd with Austin clotheslining Love over the barricade. JR is in his element here, shouting about how Love is nearly dead. Austin misses a charge into the ropes and crotches himself, allowing Love to baseball slide him to the floor. A bad looking swinging neckbreaker on the concrete is enough for Patterson to remind us that this is also falls count anywhere. JR: “SINCE WHEN???”

Austin comes back with some hard right hands but charges into a backdrop, sending him through the windshield of one of the cars. That only gets two for Love as the fans are WAY into this. Now it’s Love charging into a hot shot onto the roof of a Gremlin for two as Undertaker keeps watch. Austin takes Love on top of a car but his Stunner is countered with Austin being shoved onto the hood of a Mercury. Love sunset flips him off the roof of a car for two in a cool visual.

Dude picks up what appears to be a tail pipe but Austin elbows him in the ribs to break it up. Austin is BADLY busted open and gets backdropped on the concrete for another near fall. Love’s elbow drop off a car misses and Austin gets a two count. They head back to the ring where Patterson trips Austin, allowing Love to pound away more right hands. A buckle pad is pulled off but Love hits a running knee to Austin while he’s seated in the corner.

Austin is sent face first into the exposed buckle but Love puts on a reverse chinlock instead of covering. Austin fights up again and the fans are right there with him but Love sends him into the buckle again for two. Patterson hands Dude a chair and a double arm DDT onto the chair gets two. Love charges at Austin with the chair but gets it kicked into his face. Now it’s a ticked off Austin with the chair and he caves in Love’s head but Vince refuses to count. Austin yells at Vince so Love gets the chair but hits Vince by mistake.

The Stunner puts Love down and another referee comes in for the count but Patterson punches him out. Love gets the Mandible Claw and Patterson tries to call for the bell but Undertaker chokeslams him through a table. Brisco tries to count a pin but gets a chokeslam as well. Undertaker is awesome when he just starts breaking stuff, usually people. Austin counters the Mandible Claw into the Stunner but there’s no referee. In a really smart ending, he grabs Vince’s hand and raises it three times for a count, giving Austin the pin in the only way Vince would count to retain the title as the crowd goes NUTS.

Rating: A+. If there’s a better match that embodies the Attitude Era style, I’ve yet to see it. This was a FIGHT with Austin and Love just beating the tar out of each other for over twenty minutes. The ending is nothing short of brilliant with everything being timed perfectly. The idea was used by writer Vince Russo over and over again but it was never anything close to this. Even without the Vince stuff it’s still a great fight and both guys looked awesome out there. The crowd reaction puts it over the top as well.

One TV match and one of the best tag team matches ever. From Raw, May 21, 2001.

Tag Titles: Steve Austin/HHH vs. Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho

Here we go. Austin vs. Jericho gets us going and one of the belts is laying in the ring. Austin takes over with pounding boots but Jericho snaps off a cross body for two. A top rope elbow to the head scores for Jericho and he works on Austin’s arm. HHH comes in and the Canadians take over. Benoit chops Austin HARD and then hits a snap suplex for no cover. There’s a superplex for two as HHH saves.

Jericho comes in to even things out but it lets the champions take over. Benoit is like screw that and pounds them back, hooking the Crossface on Austin. HHH comes in with a big chair shot to break it up but Benoit kicks out to a big pop. Benoit goes into the steps for no count as he kicks out before the one. Austin pounds away on him and it’s off to HHH who hooks a cheating abdominal stretch.

Make that a sleeper as Benoit is in big trouble. Benoit manages to fire off a suplex to put both guys down and an enziguri is good enough for the hot tag to Jericho….but the referee doesn’t see it. The fans don’t like that at all. Jericho goes off with Austin on the floor as HHH hits the Pedigree. There’s no referee though so Jericho goes up and takes HHH’s head off with a missile dropkick.

There’s your hot tag to Jericho and he takes on the now legal Austin and HHH at the same time. Thesz Press is countered into a spinebuster and then the Walls but HHH makes the save. That right there, that save, resulted in HHH tearing his quad off the bone and would put him out of action until January of 2002. You could see HHH’s leg just stop moving. His leg is dead weight now.

HHH is like screw this potentially career ending injury and goes to set up the announce table. HHH loads up the Pedigree but Jericho counters into the Walls on the table, and remember that HHH has a torn muscle. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Benoit hits the swan dive on Austin but there’s no referee. Stunner to Benoit gets two as Jericho pulls the referee out. Lionsault gets knees and HHH finds the sledgehammer from somewhere. The second Lionsault hits but the hammer hits Austin and Jericho gets the pin and the titles as the place erupts!

Rating: A+. WOW this match holds up really well. After Jericho gets that hot tag, this is full speed ahead the rest of the way. The energy in this is great as they did everything they could to keep the Canadians down but in the end, HHH messes up to end it. Notice one very important thing here: Jericho had Austin (presumably) beat with the Lionsault, so it’s not like they got dominated the entire time and won on a mistake by the other team. That’s huge and it makes Benoit/Jericho look far stronger as the new champions.

Here’s the middle part of the Trilogy, the biggest match of Austin’s career, the main event of the best show of all time, and the end of the Attitude Era. From Wrestlemania X7.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Heyman says this is the match that both men need to win and neither man can afford to lose. Right before the entrances, Fink tells us that this is now No DQ, which is a surprise to everyone. Austin’s pop is awe inspiring as the face absolutely lose their minds at his entrance. Rock gets a VERY mixed reaction as Austin is a folk hero here in Texas. The brawl is on immediately and Austin hits the Thesz Press and middle finger elbow, only to be taken down by a swinging neckbreaker. The Rock Bottom and Stunner are countered and Austin throws Rock to the floor. We’re maybe 45 seconds in at this point.

They fight into the crowd with Rock taking over with more right hands. Back to ringside with Austin hitting a clothesline to put Rock down before adjusting his knee brace for a bit. They’re back in the ring now with Austin hitting a running crotch attack in 619 position followed by a superplex for the first two count of the match. Austin takes off the turnbuckle pad and pounds away to A LOT of booing from the crowd. A back elbow gets two for Rock before he clotheslines Austin to the floor.

They fight over to the announce table with Austin coming back with a bell shot to the face. Rock is knocked onto the announce table which breaks a few seconds later. We head back inside for Austin to pound away to even more pops from the crowd. Rock comes back with right hands but Austin drops both him and a leg for two. Rock is busted open and Austin chokes away in the corner. Austin stops to yell at the referee and gets his head taken off by a lariat from Rock.

The champion pounds away with right hands before getting the bell. It goes upside the head of the also bloody Austin but only gets two. We’re at the point now where the pinfall attempts get more and more intense. Rock keeps pounding away but Austin won’t stay down. Back to the floor with Austin firing off more fists as JR is in all his glory calling it. A slingshot sends Rock head first into the post and man did he BOUNCE off that thing. Back inside and Rock scoops the legs for the Sharpshooter in a call back to WM 13 where Austin is dripping blood while in the hold. He makes the rope this time though and we keep going.

Rock flips Austin off, earning himself a Sharpshooter from Austin. Well there’s a twist. It’s a terrible Sharpshooter but it gets the job done. Rock powers out though with blood dripping in between his teeth, again ala Mania 13. Back to the Sharpshooter on Rock but he makes the rope this time to escape again. Austin busts out the Million Dollar Dream of all things and the bloody Rock is in trouble. Rock fights up though and we get another callback to a Bret vs. Austin masterpiece with Rock climbing the rope and backflipping onto Austin for two, making him break the hold in the process.

Out of nowhere Rock hits a Stunner on Austin but he can’t follow up. It eventually gets two…and here’s Vince. Austin’s whip spienbuster gets two but he walks into one by Rock which sets up the People’s Elbow. Vince breaks it up though by pulling Rock off Austin, earning himself a death stare from the champion. Now we know something is afoot given the history between Vince and Austin. Rock chases Vince but runs into a Rock Bottom from Austin for another very close two.

The Stunner is countered and Hebner is knocked to the floor, allowing Austin to hit a low blow. Vince brings in a chair and clocks Rock with it on Austin’s instructions, getting another delayed two count. Now the fans are cheering for Rock a lot more but aren’t as pleased when Rock hits a Rock Bottom out of nowhere. Vince gets pulled into the ring for a beatdown but it’s a Stunner to Rock for only two. That probably should have been the finish, but instead Austin gets the chair and gives Rock the mother of all beatdowns with it, hitting him SIXTEEN TIMES. Rock is DEAD and Austin covers the body for the pin and the title.

Rating: A+. Yes there’s kind of weak ending, yes there were some lame points, but it’s Rock vs. Austin II for the world title in the main event of Wrestlemania. This is a masterpiece by definition alone. I think I might be the only person on the planet that likes this turn still, but it was in front of the wrong crowd. If this was ANY other state in the country it would have been booed like there was no tomorrow, but instead gets cheered, which is where the problem came from. Still though, excellent match and worthy of being the main event of the greatest show ever.

Vince and Austin shake hands, officially ending the Attitude Era. Beer is consumed and Rock is hit with the belt one more time for good measure.

The only time they ever met on pay per view. From In Your House XXVII.

Vince McMahon vs. Steve Austin

This had to headline a pay per view at some point. Austin gets in the cage first so Vince makes him wait a bit longer. Steve gets tired of waiting and chases Vince around the cage but the boss gets inside to hide. The bell hasn’t rung yet. Austin tries to climb up the cage but Vince punches from his high ground. Steve slips off the side of the cage and seems to have twisted his knee. Like an idiot, Vince comes out to check on it and gets clotheslined by a healthy Austin.

McMahon is sent into the side of the cage and choked with a cord. They fight into the crowd with Austin in complete control. Austin hits him in the head with the bell, making it ring the hard way. The match still hasn’t actually started yet. Back to ringside with Vince being sent into the steps and running into the crowd to try to get away. The beating continues until Austin knocks Vince back to ringside. Vince tries to climb into the cage where there’s less to cause him pain.

Austin won’t let that happen though and rams Vince face first into the cage over and over. Vince tries to climb again but this time Austin follows him up and slams Vince’s head into the top of the cage, sending him flying off the cage and onto the Spanish announce table. McMahon’s head bounces off a monitor, knocking him out cold for a bit in a scary landing. Everything stops as Vince is taken away by medics and Austin chills in the cage.

The Fink is about to announce Austin as the winner but Austin isn’t cool with that. He guaranteed to take Vince apart tonight, and since the bell never rang that’s not good enough for him. Austin asks the doctor if Vince is still breathing, because if he is the fight isn’t done yet. Vince is pulled off the stretcher and hit in the back with a backboard before finally being thrown into the cage for the opening bell.

Austin hits a quick clothesline and a middle rope elbow before going to leave, but Vince makes the eternal mistake of flipping Austin off. Steve climbs back inside and stomps a mudhole in the corner. Somehow Vince fights out with a low blow to get himself a breather before climbing up the cage. Austin pulls Vince down off the cage and leaves him in a heap. The boss is busted open and Lawler is losing his mind.

Steve can’t help but smile and climb the cage but Vince looks up at him and flips him off AGAIN, bringing Austin back to the ring. Austin stomps on him even more, leaving Vince crumpled down in the corner. There’s the Stunner but as Austin talks trash, a monster called Paul Wight breaks through the ring and throws Austin into the cage before helping Vince to his feet. Wight throws Austin against the cage but the wall breaks, allowing Austin to drop down for the win.

Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade because it was again a story rather than a match. The ending was very smart though as Wight got to debut but also look strong with Austin winning due to Wight’s strength. Austin got to give Vince the beating he needed to and win a the same time, but Vince gets to continue the feud with his new monster. In case you didn’t recognize the name, Wight would soon be called The Big Show Paul Wight.

Here’s the match and the promo that followed which launched Austin to heights that had never been seen before and never will be again. From King of the Ring 1996.

King of the Ring Finals: Steve Austin vs. Jake Roberts

The IWC explodes as Pillman and Austin pass each other in the aisle and pause for a second. Good night they were a great team in the time they had. Austin apparently went to the emergency room to fix his tongue. I think that’s legit actually. Jake’s music is just made of awesome. Austin jumps him to the shock of no one. This is all Austin as Roberts is barely even able to move let alone fight.

Here’s his token comeback as it’s fairly obvious that Austin is winning here. Vince says Austin is being a coward for attacking the injured ribs. Owen says Austin is smart to do so, which at least makes sense. Monsoon is out here now and Vince is more or less saying Austin doesn’t deserve to win. It’s not his fault that Vader beat up Roberts.

With Monsoon checking on Roberts it lets him breathe a bit and he beats on Austin for a bit but Austin counters with corner shoulder blocks of all things. Geez Austin was a different kind of wrestler back then. Austin hits the academic stunner to get the win and the crown.

Rating: N/A. It was 4 and a half minutes which includes Monsoon coming down.

However, the most important part is right afterwards: the coronation. Austin says the catchphrase that made him a legend: Austin 3:16.

To quote Jim Cornette from Monday Night Wars, “Steve Austin was gonna be a big deal. Nobody knew how big.” That was the debut of both the 3:16 catchphrase as well we that’s the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so. It’s not often that you get two major lines like that in one promo but Austin did it. You have to remember that on the big stage, there had never been anything like Steve Austin before.

Everything before had been about the basic ways and standard storylines. The problem was that everyone got sick of it. People got tired of hearing about how great the faces were and etc. That’s why Austin called out Hart: he wanted the purest wrestler there was. Austin represented this unspoken hatred that the fans had towards the old ways that Vince was so desperately clinging to.

He refused to accept that the fans that were children in the 80s had grown up but still had a love for wrestling and wanted to see it. The problem was that these fans were now fifteen and sixteen or even older and the things that fascinated them at seven or eight now looked stupid. That audience was fed up with these stupid angles but there was nothing they could do.

Then Steve Austin showed up. He said everything that the fans wanted to say but couldn’t. The fans rode Austin into greatness, as he became hotter than Hogan ever dreamed of being for a two year period. Yeah I said it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: in the late 90s, Austin was a bigger star and far hotter than Hogan ever was during his career, period.

Another TV match and a forgotten gem. From Raw on January 8, 2001.

WWF World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin

Not a bad main event at all. They keep saying it’s been a year since Austin had a legit shot at the title. More like a year and a half as he didn’t have a straight up title shot after Summerslam 99 that I remember and he was out for all but the tail end of 2000 where he didn’t get a one on one match for the title. Austin grabs the belt to start and we have no commercials to go. That’s always awesome.

Stone Cold dominates to start with Kurt being in big trouble early on. Austin goes for a suplex off the middle rope but Angle throws him forward and Austin’s head SMACKS the mat in a hard looking shot that was mostly legit. Thesz Press hits out of nowhere to get Austin out of trouble. As I’ve said before: when all else fails, HIT THEM IN THE FACE! Austin gets all suplex happy but can’t break two on the counts.

They speed things up again and Angle gets a cross body (???) for two. They head to the floor and get their brawl on, which is stupid speak for Austin beats the tar out of Angle. Regal pops up out of nowhere with a pipe but can’t get it to connect on Austin. Austin fights off both guys and sends Angle into the crowd where he hits a flying clothesline (??? Again) to half kill Angle.

Somehow that and the beating before that only gets two every time. This has been a pretty solid beating to Kurt so far. In an impressive looking spot Angle throws his hands up to block Austin’s double axe off the middle rope and pops him over with a PERFECT belly to belly overhead. Take that Scott Steiner. Angle goes suplex crazy again, probably breaking ten of them or so.

Somehow that wouldn’t be anywhere close to his record as later this year he would sink in the Rolling Germans and get up to 12 in a row with no break. All these suplexes only get him two so Angle suplexes him again. Austin can’t slam him which looks odd indeed. Nice selling on the suplexes I guess. Angle Slam is blocked though and a knee lift sends Angle down as well as Austin.

Angle gets all ticked off and they slug it out as Austin has to use the ropes to hold himself up for awhile. Austin slugs him into the corner and there’s the Mudhole Stomp. Spinebuster and a middle rope elbow gets no cover as it’s Stunner time. It’s blocked twice as is the Angle Slam but after the Stunner finally hits it’s HHH to return for the save and the DQ. JR of course, loses his mind over it and curses HHH’s soul.

Rating: B+. Where in the world is this on DVD packages? This was great stuff and it came out of nowhere more or less. Austin was so underrated in the ring because of how great he is on the mic and this is another fine example of that as he went out there and beat the tar out of Angle. That being said, Angle was putting on a clinic in there and the whole thing just worked to near perfection. It’s not as good as their later stuff, but this is a good match that needs to be released somewhere. I’d watch it again just for the suplexes.

Austin flips HHH off and says bring it. HHH backs off and then comes at Austin with the big slow build. He gets in the ring and you keep waiting on him to bail but instead IT’S ON! They slug it out and with the extended build to the fight it’s awesome stuff. Austin is in trouble for awhile but fights him back until they hit the floor. HHH gets the pipe Regal had earlier and DRILLS Austin with it three times to bust him open and put him down to end the show. GREAT ending segment with an awesome brawl that felt absolutely huge.

The match that I point to as proof that sometimes it’s ok to go with the obvious. From Wrestlemania XIV.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Steve Austin

We get the always awesome shot of the guys walking from the back to the ring. Mike Tyson is guest enforcer on the floor and there’s a regular referee in the ring. JR: “Folks, it don’t get no bigger than this.” They circle each other to start and there’s a double bird for HBK. Shawn pops him with a left hand and does it again a few seconds later. The champion runs away but gets caught back inside as Austin pounds away and pulls Shawn’s tights down to give the girls a thrill.

A backdrop puts Shawn on the floor but HHH gets in a shot to Austin’s back. He sends Austin into the barricade which gets both him and Chyna ejected. Austin beats up HHH in the aisle but it lets Michaels get in a shot to take over. Shawn sends Austin into the dumpster shoulder first and we head back to the ring. The challenger comes back with right hands and there’s a Flair Flip which must feel like murder for Shawn.

The Stunner is countered as Shawn bails to the apron, only to get knocked onto the still standing announce table. Back in and the Austin elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock so Shawn can get his back pain down to only pure agony. Back up and Shawn hits a jawbreaker to give himself a breather. Shawn heads to the floor and it’s clear he can barely move. He tries to wrap Austin’s leg around the post but gets pulled face first into it instead.

Shawn comes back with a backdrop to put Austin into the crowd and there’s a bell shot for good measure. Back in and Shawn lays in some right hands but he can barely move other than that. The fans chant Holyfield to tick off Tyson for no apparent reason. More punching by Shawn but he can’t even bend over to pick up Austin’s legs. Austin comes back with a double leg trip and rapid fire punches to Shawn’s face before sending Michaels back to the floor.

This time though the tripping up works and Austin’s leg is wrapped around the post. It gets wrapped a few more times and we head back inside for some basic leg work. A figure four is countered and Austin kicks him shoulder first into the post. Shawn comes right back with another shot to the knee though before cannonballing down onto it for good measure. A chop block puts Steve down and there’s a very ginger figure four by the champion. After Shawn cheats any way he can, Austin turns the hold over to escape.

Michaels gets caught in a slingshot to send him into the post for two but he comes back with a sleeper. The referee gets crushed in the counter as Shawn is dropped face first onto the buckle again. Austin sends him into the corner and stomps a mudhole but Shawn comes back with the flying forearm. Michaels nips up to blow my mind before dropping the big elbow. He tunes up the band but Austin ducks. The Stunner doesn’t work but neither does another superkick attempt. The Stunner hits, Tyson slides in for the pin and Austin claims his destiny.

Rating: B+. Considering how messed up the two of them were, this was nothing short of a miracle. Shawn was literally wrestling with a broken back and Austin’s neck was close enough that you could say it was broken too. This was a great match and a great way to send Austin to the top of the company, as he beats the previous top guy and the torch is passed. At this point, no one thought Shawn would ever wrestle again so this was a great way to go out. This match is also the definition of “match where everyone and their mother knew what was going to happen and it was the 100% correct call”.

We get the famous line from JR of “The Austin Era has begun!” as Austin gets the belt for the first time. He poses on the ropes in another famous visual before handing Tyson an Austin shirt. Shawn is ticked off at Tyson and gets in his face so Tyson lays him out with a right hand (JR: “TYSON! TYSON! TYSON! RIGHT HAND! DOWN GOES MICHAELS!”). Massive celebrating ends the show.

The only time Austin ever beat Bret in a major match. From In Your House XIV. It’s a rematch from a somewhat better match.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Winner gets Undertaker next month. Hart tries to have Owen and Bulldog accompany him but they’re stopped by referees because this is one on one. Naturally the fight is on as soon as the bell rings with Austin getting the better of it. They head to the outside with Bret being sent into the steps as it’s all Austin so far. Another whip into the steps has Bret writhing in pain before they head into an empty space next to the crowd. Back in and Austin shoves him to the mat for two, sending Bret running to the floor.

Austin trips chasing after Hart, allowing Bret to slide a chair into the ring. Steve knocks it out of his hands though and picks it up himself, only to have Bret dropkick Austin in the back, knocking the referee down in the process. Bret goes after Austin’s bad knee with the chair, despite the fact that WWF President Gorilla Monsoon is at ringside. Bret helps the referee up after the damage has been done before going after the leg even more.

Hart slams the leg into the apron but Austin kicks away from out of the corner, using the ropes to hold himself up. Bret lures him into the middle of the ring though and puts a Figure Four on around the post. Three straight chair shots to the knee have Austin in agony but he gets a rush of adrenaline to fire off elbows to Bret’s back. A single kick to the knee puts Austin right back down though and it’s off to a basic leg lock. Bret takes Austin’s knee brace off and cannonballs down onto the leg again.

Austin rolls out to the floor but Bret takes the opportunity to send the knee into the steps. Back in and Austin scores with a quick low blow before choking away on the mat. A middle rope elbow misses and Austin bangs the knee again to stop another comeback bid. Bret suplexes him down and puts on a Figure Four to keep the pressure on the leg. Austin eventually rolls over to break the hold but stops to yell at the referee for some reason, allowing Bret to kick the knee out again.

Bret tries the Figure Four around the post again but settles for just ramming Austin’s ribs into the barricade. Austin backdrops a charging Canadian into the crowd and slugs away before dropping Bret chest first onto the steel. Back in and Bret is sent chest first into the buckle before Austin just rains down right hands. Austin tries a piledriver but the knee buckles, preventing any pain to Hart. A whip across the ring sends Austin down again as the knee gives out one more time.

They head to the corner and Austin is able to drop Bret face first onto the buckle for two. The Stunner is blocked so Austin just pounds away on Bret’s back. Bret pays back Austin with a low blow of his own before sending both guys crashing down off a superplex. Hart loads up the Sharpshooter but Austin grabs his knee brace and blasts Bret in the head. Now it’s Austin putting the Sharpshooter on Bret but here are Owen and Bulldog to interfere. They’re ejected pretty quickly and Austin puts the Sharpshooter on again. Owen and Bulldog come in again and blast Austin with the brace, finally drawing a DQ.

Rating: B-. I liked the match but Austin’s selling wasn’t exactly great. He would just pop up after a long beating and be fine before a single shot took him down again. The ending didn’t quite work either as we get a DQ after all the chair shots and knee brace shots. Austin winning via a rollup or something like that would have been fine here as he never actually pinned Bret if I remember correctly.

Here’s the more famous match and a dark horse candidate for the best match ever. From Wrestlemania XIII.

We recap Bret vs. Austin which is the real main event of this show. So Bret was all awesome and such but after losing the title at Wrestlemania last year, Bret took six months off to whine. Then he came back and felt that he kept getting screwed over by everyone from Shawn to Austin to Vince (nah that could never happen). Austin was leading the charge of disrespect by saying Bret was just a crybaby anymore. This led to a masterpiece between Austin and Bret that made everyone realize Austin was for real and the next big thing.

Hart barely won but he kept snapping and even hit Pat Patterson, the symbol of respect and tradition. This led to the Royal Rumble where Bret had the match won and eliminated Austin, only to have Austin sneak back in and win the match. A month later Bret won the vacant world title, only to have Austin cost him the belt the next night on Raw. This all led up to here and a submission match with the theme of a submission master vs. a guy that will not quit.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

This is a submission match and Ken Shamrock is guest referee. Austin has actual glass shatter as he enters which is rather cool. He gets cheered but Bret gets something resembling a mixed reaction. Austin tackles him down to start and the fight is on immediately. They head to the floor with neither guy being able to get an advantage. Austin gets posted but he manages to crotch Bret on the barricade. Bret gets clotheslined into the crowd as this is all action so far.

Bret gets in a few shots in the audience and Shamrock is right with them. Presumably this is falls count anywhere. Bret gets in a solid right hand but Austin grabs him for a piledriver. Hart counters with a backdrop and they head back towards the ring. Back to ringside and Bret dives off the barricade with a forearm to the back. Austin comes right back by whipping Hart into the steps to put him down again.

Steve hits a forearm off the apron before picking up the steps. Bret kicks him in the ribs though and the steps might have crushed Austin’s leg. As they get back in the ring (remember that thing?) Bret guillotines Austin on the top rope to take over again. Bret cranks on the leg and cannonballs down on it ala Flair. More cranking ensues and Hart wants him to get up. Bret misses another cannonball and Austin ERUPTS with a clothesline to put both guys down.

We get some foreshadowing by Lawler when he says you can’t give up when you’re unconscious. Hart comes back with a kick to the leg and throws on the Figure Four around the post. Bret goes to get the bell but switches over to a chair. That one has too much padding on it though so he gets a regular chair to Pillmanize the ankle with. The fans are getting WAY into this. Bret goes up top but Austin crotches him and CRACKS him with the chair.

Another big chair shot to the back sets up a suplex as Hart is in big trouble all of a sudden. A middle rope elbow from Austin hits Bret as JR is in full on JR mode, including a few jabs at WCW (“This isn’t about posing or covering a bald spot!”). Austin this another Bret move in the Russian legsweep followed by a reverse Koji Clutch (as in he cranks on the arm while wrapping his leg around Bret’s head. That’s a bit too complicated for Austin though so there’s a Boston Crab instead.

Bret makes a rope because in a war like this, let’s make sure we follow the rules. Austin loads up a Sharpshooter (he has no idea how to get it on) but Austin escapes. Steve fires him through the ropes and to the floor. Bret comes back and reverses a whip into the barricade while running over a few people in the process. Austin is bleeding and it’s a GUSHER. Bret sends him into the steps and pounds away at the cut as we head back inside.

Hart pounds away even harder at Austin’s forehead before hitting the Five Moves of Doom. Bret gets the chair as Vince says this is becoming too much to watch. Hart drives the chair into the leg over and over again but he can’t get the Sharpshooter again. The mat is covered in blood. Austin comes back with a low blow but he can barely stand up. He whips Bret chest first into the corner and here comes the Rattlesnake. Austin stomps the mudhole in Bret and the double bird gets a big reaction from the fans.

Austin puts Bret on top and superplexes him back down. You can’t see Austin’s forehead from all the blood. Since nothing else works, Austin goes to the floor and gets the electrical cable to choke Bret out. Hart grabs the bell from somewhere though and blasts Austin in the head, knocking him silly. Now the Sharpshooter goes on and the place goes NUTS. Austin’s head is on the mat and you can see the blood pooling up under him. That is SICK.

The crowd starts chanting for Austin and we get one of the most famous shot in company history as Austin screams into the camera with blood flowing down his face. He gets one last rush of adrenaline to push up and break the Sharpshooter for the first time ever. Well kind of as he gets Bret off his back but couldn’t break the grip. Bret gets the hold back on but Austin will not quit. Austin is out cold and Shamrock finally stops it. Austin never gave up.

Rating: A+. This is the highest rating a match can get. If there was a higher rating, this match would get that. This is one of the greatest wars you will ever see in a ring with some of the greatest storytelling you’ll ever see either. The idea of Bret being taken out of his element, only to get sucked into Austin’s world where he reaches a point that he’s never been to before but it’s STILL not enough to stop Austin is amazing and works to this day. The key point here: Hart could not stop Austin. He could only slow him down. Absolutely amazing and if you haven’t seen this, go find it right now. Seriously, go watch it now. It’s excellent.

Post match Bret is disgusted with himself but looks at Austin’s lifeless body and gets mad all over again for not being able to make Austin quit. Bret goes after the leg again but Shamrock grabs him and hooks a kind of suplex to get Hart off. Shamrock says let’s go if you want to but Bret backs down and leaves. The fans GO OFF on Bret as Austin is trying to remember what planet he’s on. A referee comes out to check on him and gets a Stunner for his troubles. Austin walks out on his own power and gets a well deserved standing ovation. And that my friends, is a double turn.

Amazingly enough, Bret vs. Austin was only just beginning. The next five months would be even more insane with perhaps an even better match blowing it off. Now let THAT sink in for a minute. This is still one of the few matches that has an actual impact on me and I get WAY into it every time I see it.

Steve Austin may not have been the best in ring performer ever (though he’s one of the best), but he might be the most entertaining man to ever set foot in a ring. The stupid stuff he got over like WHAT and the I Need A Hug phase to some great matches to some of the best promos ever to bringing in $250 million in 1998 from t-shirt sales ALONE make him as big a deal as you’re going to find in wrestling. Hogan was a bigger star for longer, but Austin reached a level in 1998 and 1999 that had never been touched and will never be touched again.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NPPH0WI

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Full Listings For New Macho Man Randy Savage DVD/Blu Ray

It comes out on November 18.

DISC 1
Documentary
– Driven to Perfection
– Bred to Achieve
– Baseball Days
– Transition into Wrestling
– Developing The Macho Man
– Earning a Reputation
– WrestleMania III
– WWE Champion
– Mega Powers
– Randy & Liz
– Spokesperson
– WCW
– Hardships
– Giving Back
– True Love
– May 20, 2011
– Cream of the Crop

DISC 2
Intercontinental Championship Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat
Superstars • November 22, 1986

Lumberjack Match for the Intercontinental Championship
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Bruno Sammartino
Boston Garden • February 7, 1987

Intercontinental Championship Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat
Maple Leaf Gardens • February 15, 1987

“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. “The King” Harley Race
Philadelphia, PA • September 18, 1987

Six-Man Tag Team Steel Cage Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage & Strike Force vs. Honky Tonk Man & The Hart Foundation
Boston Garden • March 5, 1988

WWE Championship Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
Boston Garden • July 9, 1988

Harlem Street Fight for the WWE Championship
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Bad News Brown
Hamilton, Ontario • January 16, 1989

WWE Championship Match
Hulk Hogan vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage
Madison Square Garden • April 24, 1989

DISC 3
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
Miami, FL • January 22, 1990

WWE Championship Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Shawn Michaels
Munich, Germany • April 14, 1992

WWE Championship Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. The Ultimate Warrior
SummerSlam • August 31, 1992

WWE Championship Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair
Prime Time Wrestling • September 14, 1992

WCW Television Championship Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Arn Anderson
WCW Saturday Night • January 28, 1995

Steel Cage Match for the WCW Championship
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair
WCW Superbrawl VI • February 11, 1996

Las Vegas Sudden Death Match
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Diamond Dallas Page
WCW Halloween Havoc • October 26, 1997

BLU-RAY EXTRAS
Lumberjack Match for the WWE Championship
Hulk Hogan vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage
Madison Square Garden • February 17, 1986

Winner is the King of WWE
“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
Madison Square Garden • October 28, 1989

“Macho Man” Randy Savage & Sting vs. The Blue Bloods (Lord Steven Regal & Earl Robert Eaton)
WCW Saturday Night • September 9, 1995

“Macho Man” Randy Savage vs. Booker T
WCW Nitro • December 15, 1997

Blu-Ray Exclusive Stories
– Ambidextrous?
– Card Shark
– Fearing the Savage
– Getting into the WWE
– Snake Fixed?
– A Safety Net
– Hundred Dollar Bill Guy
– Jerusalem
– Highly Competitive
– No Days Off
– Cowboy Hats
– Part of the Team
– Shifting Gears
– Very Generous
– Thanksgiving Call
– Walking Away
– Michael Schmidt
– Macho Tip

I’ve seen most of those matches.  I’m pretty sure the cage match was on an old Coliseum Video and I remember it being pretty awesome.



Required Viewing #12: I Want Violence

WarGames.

Because I have a taste for some blood. For those of you young people that haven’t gotten to see this, it’s the ultimate team violence match. There are two rings side by side and they’re both surrounded by cage, save for the space between the rings. There are two teams of five men (later four) each and one man will start from both teams. They fight for five minutes and then there’s a coin toss. The winning team (the heels literally always won) would get to send in a second man for a 2-1 advantage, lasting two minutes. After those two minutes are up, the team that lost the toss sends in its second man to tie it up for two minutes. You alternate until all ten men are in and then it’s first submission wins.

This match almost always had a ton of blood and are easily the most violent matches you would find this side of Hell in a Cell. WCW started these in 1987 and ran them through 1997 (screw that mess in 1998. That wasn’t WarGames). We’re going to be looking at the two best, though almost all of them are worth checking out.

First up is the inaugural edition, held on July 4, 1987 on the Great American Bash tour.  This is the mother of all wars as we have Dusty Rhodes/Magnum TA/Road Warriors/Paul Ellering vs. the Four Horsemen/JJ Dillon.  I really don’t think this needs a huge explanation.

 

Dusty Rhodes/Road Warriors/Nikita Koloff/Paul Ellering vs. Four Horsemen/JJ Dillon

The Horsemen in this case are Flair, Anderson, Blanchard, Luger and JJ Dillon. Flair’s music is epic as they crank the music WAY up. This is the Atlanta main event and it’s the debut of WarGames. For those of you uninitiated, WarGames is the mother of all gimmick matches. You have two teams of five and each team sends in a member. Those two fight for five minutes and there’s a coin toss.

The winning team gets to send in the third man to have a 2-1 advantage. That lasts two minutes and then the team that lost the toss gets to send in its second man to tie it at 2-2. That lasts two minutes then the team that won the toss sends in its third man. You alternate like that every two minutes until it’s 5-5 and then it’s first submission. No pins allowed.

Arn and Dusty start us off and remember this can’t end until all ten are in. There are two rings side by side with one huge cage over them if I didn’t mention that. They feel each other out a lot as they’re not entirely sure what to do here. Dusty walks on the second rope and then swings across the top of the cage to kick him in the ribs. Now they’re going and Dusty pounds away including a low blow which is perfectly legal.

There’s a DDT by Dusty and the crowd is red hot. Arn is cut open about two and a half minutes in so Dusty rakes it across the cage wall. Everyone hates everyone on the other team so this is a huge blood feud all around. Dusty sends him into the cage and has dominated the entire time. After a quick comeback by Arn Dusty gets his bad Figure Four on and then lets go of it because….well just because I guess.

The Horsemen win the toss (the faces literally never won the thing) and it’s Tully in next. The Horsemen beat him down but Dusty is booking so he knocks them both down with elbows. And scratch that as Tully gets in a knee shot and the double teaming begins. Tully puts on a Figure Four as they work over the knee. The clock seems to skip ahead a bit (no sign of clipping though) and Animal comes in to tie it up.

He starts launching Horsemen everywhere and sets Tully up for a slingshot which he rams three straight times. Shoulder block takes Tully down and Dusty destroys Anderson. I think Blanchard is busted and he gets double teamed a bit. Anderson looks dead. Animal is like screw that and rams him into the cage a few times. Flair is in to make it 3-2 and chops at Animal which doesn’t work. The number catch up with him as Anderson is back up quickly.

Sorry for a lot of play by play here but it’s the only thing you can do in matches like this one. Animal is busted. Dusty tries to fight back but he’s almost on his own. The fans are so loud that you can’t hear Tony and Jim. Dusty is bleeding and here comes Nikita. Flair grabs him as he comes in but the power of RUSSIA breaks up the Horsemen. The double ring thing here is very nice as they have room to move around. Animal sends Flair into the cage and he’s bleeding now. Dusty is gushing blood.

Nikita and Dusty work on the knee of Anderson but Nikita goes to get Tully stuck between the two rings and hits him between the ropes in a slingshot thing. Flair begs off Nikita and that doesn’t end well for the champ. A double dropkick puts Anderson down and here’s Lex. This is literally non-stop. Powerslam plants Koloff and Lex is dominating. There’s a spike piledriver to Nikita and then a second one just to kill him deader than dead. The Horsemen are in control but they’re starting to fall from exhaustion and blood loss.

Here’s Hawk and the fans erupt all over again. He destroys everything in sight and if you’re not bleeding already you will be now. Nikita’s neck is messed up and he can barely stand. JR is in Heaven with this much carnage. Flair gets a Figure Four on Dusty but it doesn’t count yet. The Horsemen only have JJ Dillon left and he’s a manger. He goes after Hawk and that’s just dumb.

Flair saves JJ’s life and they’re getting tired. Flair is bleeding a ton as if you expected anything else. JJ is taking a beating but Animal is getting triple teamed. Here’s Ellering to get us all tied up and now the match can end. Ellering has an LOD spiked pad on his arm. Dillon is bleeding BAD so Ellering JAMS THE SPIKE INTO HIS EYE. The LOD circles in on Dillon as the rest of the team runs interference. The Warriors spear his head into the cage and load up the Doomsday Device. JJ lands on his shoulder, legitimately hurting it. With Animal running interference, Hawk beats him half to death until he gives up to finally end this.

Rating: A+. This runs 26 minutes and there is literally no stopping in the whole thing. There isn’t some period where they chill because they’ve done enough. This is about brutality and violence and it works very well. There’s a ton of blood and JJ looks like he fell out of a building (for some reason in wrestling attire) at the end of it. It’s well worth seeing and still works today. Great match.

 

Next up might be the greatest WCW match of all time.  This is the blowoff to the awesome Dangerous Alliance story as Sting and his buddies are finally getting to go against the Alliance in one huge, bloody match with an all-star lineup.  From WrestleWar 1992.

 

War Games: Sting’s Squadron vs. Dangerous Alliance

Sting, Ricky Steamboat, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, Nikita Koloff
Rick Rude, Steve Austin, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Eaton, Arn Anderson

Sweet goodness there is some talent in this match.

Ok so there isn’t much of a backstory here. Back in 1992 the storyline pretty much went like this: Sting fights everybody. He feuded with about 5 people at once, most of which are in this match. At Halloween Havoc and the Clash of the Champions that came just after it, Rude showed up and stole the US Title from Sting, forming this team. Sting won the world title at SuperBrawl and the Alliance wanted it off of him, no matter who did it (it would be Vader eventually but we’ll get to that later).

Larry and Arn were a tag team and feuded with Barry and Dustin over the tag titles. Barry had also just gotten the TV Title off Austin. Ricky wanted to be US Champion, which was Rude at the moment. Anderson and Eaton had taken them from Rhodes and Windham before losing them to the Steiners two weeks before this. In short, everyone hates everyone and they don’t care who they’re fighting. Koloff is there….just because Sting needed a fifth guy more or less. He would go after Rude after this PPV.

For those of you new to War Games, the rules are pretty basic. You start with a man each and they fight for five minutes. After that five minutes we flip a coin and the winning team gets to send in their second man for a 2-1 advantage that lasts two minutes. After two minutes, the team that lost gets to even it up at 2-2 for two minutes. After that two minutes the team that won the toss sends in it’s third man for two minutes. You alternate like that until it’s 5-5, then first submission wins. No pinfalls at all. It’s a double cage over both rings and there is nothing separating the two rings, so both cages only have three walls in essence, but it’s really just one big cage.

This is the first time I’ve seen this match since I got into the IWC and since I started reviewing, so this is going to be a fresh look at it. Let’s get to it.

Everyone is at ringside for this, so I’d expect a fight out there too. There are tops on the cages too. Crowd is just insane for Sting. Good grief that face team is STACKED. In a Dangerous Alliance huddle, we hear that Austin is starting for his team. He starts against Windham and it is ON immediately. Heyman keeps running strategy and it’s cool because what he’s saying is actual strategy and makes sense.

Both guys are really stiff in there and are just pounding on each other. Austin DIVES over both ropes and hits a clothesline. For those of you that haven’t seen him before he hurt his neck and his knees became made of jelly, go find some of his stuff. He’s a totally different but still very good worker. Windham rubs Austin’s face into the cage to bust him open. There’s a minute left before the next guy comes in. Windham bites the cut to open it up more. If you can’t tell, this is a very violent match.

The Alliance wins the coin toss (check the coin) and they send their big man, Rick Rude, in to make it 2-1. Also, that’s three world champions (Rude won the Big Gold Belt which is kind of a world title) in there I believe? The heels take over and Windham is in trouble. Rude’s tights look like the Comi-Con logo. Steamboat ties it up and goes straight for Austin. Ticked off Steamboat is AWESOME. Dang  it’s nice to hear this without Tony Schiavone making bad war puns.

Windham is busted open. Steamboat and Windham are dominating here but Anderson, the best wrestler to never win a world title (arguably) comes in and cleans house. Rude and Anderson both hook a crab on Steamboat. This has been non-stop the whole time which is a major perk of it. For some reason they’re all staying in the same ring. Well with five guys it’s ok. And there goes Steamboat and Rude so scratch that theory.

Dustin Rhodes comes in to balance it out. If my math is right, he’s the least successful guy in here? That’s saying a lot. Steamboat gets Rude in a figure four, more or less making it 2-2. Zbyszko, another former world champion, is in to make it 4-3. He’s been in trouble lately for being a screw-up and Rhodes beats the tar out of him as soon as he comes in. Madusa goes up the cage and slips Arn the phone but she and Sting have a standoff on the roof.

There is blood EVERYWHERE. The mat looks like an abstract painting. Sting, who has bad ribs thanks to Vader, evens things up and press slams Rude up into the air so that his back slams into the cage five times. Sting is just whipping it here and we have two more guys left to come in. Arn gets the cage rake again and is bleeding too. Everyone is in one ring which is kind of cluttering but there they go. At least it didn’t last long.

Eaton comes in as the last man for the Dangerous Alliance. Rhodes is bleeding a ton. Windham looks quite dead. Larry is messing with the turnbuckle. Keep that in mind as it’ll come into play later. The ropes are clearly loose thanks to Larry and Rude doing whatever they were doing. Koloff comes in to FINALLY start the match beyond. No submissions could have counted until now.

Koloff is a wild card because a year or so earlier he had nailed Sting but claimed it had been meant for Luger so no one is sure if you can trust him. He pushes Sting out of the way to let Austin and Anderson hit him in a GREAT bit of continuity since Sting pushed Luger out of the way to start their whole issue. This is just pure insanity and never stopping at all.

Sting gets the Scorpion on Anderson but Eaton makes the save. They completely get the turnbuckle unhooked so there is no top rope and the buckle is just laying in the ring. Austin is bleeding like crazy. Rhodes’ tights are polka dot now from blood on them. Larry tells Bobby to hold up Sting so he can hit him with the steel bar that came off the buckle. Sting ducks and Eaton takes it to the arm. Steamboat takes Larry out and Sting throws on an armbar for the submission and to blow the roof off the place. Heyman LOSES IT and everyone gets mad at Larry as the show ends. This broke up the Dangerous Alliance because they lost this and it kind of wound up turning Larry face but more or less he just retired.

Rating: A+. This right here is the best gimmick match blowoff to a feud ever. This match was about VIOLENCE and it worked incredibly well. The ending was great, the violence was great, most people bled, there is not a single dead spot in the nearly 25 minutes that this match ran, the crowd was white hot, and the feud ended here. This was it and everyone knew it so they left everything they had in the ring. Perfection for what it was supposed to be.

 

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Wrestler of the Day – September 12: Tom Zenk

Here’s an 80s pretty boy: Tom Zenk.

Zenk got his start in 1984 and we’ll pick things up in his rookie year against Jimmy Garvin in the AWA.

Jimmy Garvin vs. Tom Zenk

After a good while spent on getting Garvin’s clothes off, we’re ready to go. Jimmy grabs a headlock to take him down to the mat but Zenk fights up with a slam. Garvin starts cranking on the leg to slow things down until Tom counters into a chinlock. That goes nowhere as Garvin hammers away on him in the corner. Off to a chinlock on Zenk for a bit before Jimmy throws him out to the floor. Garvin chokes on the rope but Tom comes back in with a hiptoss, only to miss a dropkick. Back up and Tom runs into a boot in the corner, setting up Garvin’s brainbuster for the pin.

Rating: D+. Garvin was better than his most famous period would suggest but this wasn’t the most interesting match in the world. Zenk was pretty generic here but that’s what you have to expect from a rookie like this. It was your standard chinlock/choke match which can only go so far.

Still in the AWA on January 10, 1985 in Winnipeg.

Nick Bockwinkel vs. Tom Zenk

Feeling out process to start with Nick quickly taking him down off a headlock. Back up and the slow start continues until Nick throws him out to the floor. Zenk comes back in and gets sent face first into the buckle, only to nail a dropkick and hiptoss for two. Bockwinkel sidesteps the other dropkick though and nails the piledriver for the pin. Short and almost a squash here.

Off to 1986, still in the AWA.

Masked Superstar vs. Tom Zenk

In theory that’s Ax of Demolition. Superstar has one of the top heel managers, Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissie, in his corner. The masked man hammers away against the ropes and plants Zenk with a hard slam. A stiff right hand to the face has Zenk reeling and Superstar throws him out to the floor. Back in and a running clothesline sets up a swinging neckbreaker to pin Zenk.

Zenk would get hired by the WWF to be part of the next young, fast paced tag team. He and Rick Martel would hook up as the Can-Am Connection with one of their earlier matches taking place on Superstars, January 24, 1987.

Don Muraco/Bob Orton vs. Can-Am Connection

This would eventually open Mania III. I’ve always liked that one so this should be at least good too. They start immediately which is fun. Danny Davis is the referee here. Fink does his third voiceover of the night. Dang he’s getting paid tonight. We have Martel vs. Orton here. The Connection was good but I’ll take Strike Force any day. Fuji calls out the Connection in an inset interview. Speed vs. what you could call power I guess is always fun.

Zenk was good but his attitude was absurd. This isn’t as good as Mania would be but it’s ok for what it is. Also that’s what a show like this is for: polishing for the major show which I’d certainly say Mania was. You know, just the biggest card of all time. It’s a big brawl and they throw it out. Solid until then I guess.

Rating: C-. Not bad for what it was. It’s rare enough to see four big names in a match here but this worked fine. The Connection was a good team and the heels were always good for a quick one. Decent enough for a power vs. speed match, even though Muraco and Orton weren’t the strongest team in the world.

Something WWF would do a lot of back in the day was one night tag team tournament for a title shot later in the night. One of these took place in Toronto on March 15, 1987. Here are the Connection’s two matches.

First Round: Jerry Allen/Dan Spivey vs. Can-Am Connection

This is a very odd choice for a team here. Mike Rotunda had left and Spivey had no partner. Allen on the other hand….was a jobber. He’s kind of like the Carlito of his day, minus the credibility. Yeah think of him like that. Allen and Spivey get no reaction. Can-Ams are the young pretty boys who get big girl pops. Jimmy talks about his clients’ three matches at Mania, including saying that Alice Cooper couldn’t carry a tune if it had handles on it.

That line would be in Honky Tonk Man’s future song, so I wonder who wrote that one. Valiant is REALLY annoying. Allen and Zenk start us off. Wow I’d be so riveted to this match. They botch a leap frog. That’s hard to do. Jimmy lists off some songs his band had. For those of you that don’t know, Hart was in a mainstream band called the Gents and they actually weren’t that bad. They toured with the Beach Boys in the 60s.

We hit the formula stuff so that’s fine. They mention Allen isn’t Spivey’s full time partner. At this time, Valiant is Demolition’s manager. This isn’t very interesting at all. To be fair that could be due to a lack of heel talent. There’s a lot of that going around tonight apparently. This match has been 80% rest holds. Everyone comes in at once and in a pretty weak looking spot, Martel hits Allen with a cross body for the pin.

Rating: D. Just boring as all all goodness here. It was mainly due to the terrible heel team though so I can’t complain much there. The Connection was pretty solid though so I have to give them the benefit of the doubt here. Just a bad match overall though as Allen and Spivey seeming to be a thrown together team.


Semi-Finals: Can-Am Connection vs. Demolition

Demolition is kind of popular here, foreshadowing their face turn…a year and a half from now. Ok so it’s not foreshadowing at all. This is apparently a main event in any arena in the entire world. When anyone says that, the first thing that comes to my mind: WHY IS IT NOT MAIN EVENTING THIS SHOW THEN??? Demolition is dominating for the most part here as you would expect them to. What follows is more or less as basic of a match as you could possibly ask for.

This simply isn’t much to talk about but it’s not bad. Demolition dominates for a good while until Martel gets the hot tag. Everyone comes in, the legal guys go to the floor, Zenk hits the post, and there’s your countout to put Demolition in the finals.

Rating: C-. Not as bad, but still not very good whatsoever. The screwy endings continue here which is rapidly getting on my nerves. It’s another formula match here which is fine but it’s getting very repetitive. Demolition was clearly going to be a big deal in the division but it was still a little ways away.

Here’s Zenk’s most famous match in the opener of Wrestlemania III.

Can-Am Connection vs. Don Muraco/Bob Orton

No story here as they’re just two teams having a match. The Can-Am Connection is Rick Martel (Can) and Tom Zenk (Am) which would kind of evolve into Strike Force. Martel and Muraco start things off with Rick hitting a quick shoulder to take Don down. A hip block and a kind of monkey flip put Muraco down again and it’s a standoff. Zenk comes in for a double monkey flip and it’s off to Orton who gets armdragged down as well.

Bob gets hit from one corner to the other until Zenk takes him down with an armbar. All Connection so far. They trade full nelsons and Muraco hits Orton by mistake for two. Bob gets his arm cranked on a bit until FINALLY making the tag out to Muraco. The bad luck continues for the heels as Don is slammed down and has his arm worked on as well.

Orton and Muraco finally start cheating with a knee to Zenk’s back and a shot from the middle rope. Zenk and Bob ram heads and it’s a double tag as everything breaks down. The heels are sent into each other and a double dropkick takes Orton down. Muraco gets double teamed and a cross body with a trip from Zenk is enough for Martel to get the pin.

Rating: B-. I’ve called this the best opening match in Wrestlemania history and I don’t think it’s that far off from the truth. There are definitely matches of higher quality, but think about what an opening match is supposed to do. It’s designed to set the tone for a show and this one did that. It’s about five and a half minutes long and the good guys beat the bad guys with some nice continuity. It’s nothing flashy but it wasn’t supposed to be. This is a very nice, basic tag match and the crowd was into it, which is all it was supposed to accomplish. Good stuff here.

One more WWF match at SNME XI.

Can-Am Connection vs. Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff

He tries to sing and gets hit in the head with a 2×4. Isn’t that called massive assault? Zenk and the Sheik start us off. Duggan, after BASHING VOLKOFF IN THE HEAD WITH A BOARD just sits right back in the front row. Sheik gets a good abdominal stretch on Sheik. This show needs to end. Duggan runs in AGAIN and Martel rolls up Sheik for the pin.

Rating: D-. I have no idea how you can get away with the whole Duggan thing but the 80s were a very strange time for good guys. I mean, look at Hogan cheating like there was no tomorrow if nothing else. The Connection would be gone soon but they weren’t terrible at this point.

The Connection would split due to Zenk leaving over a contract issue. Martel would wind up teaming with Tito Santana as Strike Force and it’s hard to believe their push wasn’t originally planned for the Can-Am Connection. Anyway, it was off to WCW for Zenk where he would have a good bit more success. We’ll start things off at Clash of the Champions VIII.

Cuban Assassin vs. Z-Man

Z-Man is Tom Zenk, a young guy in great shape freshly over from the AWA and the WWF before that. Assassin gets hiptossed over and a dropkick sends him to the floor as Z-Man is starting fast. Back in and we hit the top wristlock on the Cuban followed by an armbar. Assassin fights up and headbutts Z-Man to take over, only to miss a middle rope headbutt. Z-Man grabs a sleeper and gets the quick win.

Rating: C-. Z-Man looked good and that’s exactly what you need out of a debut match like this. The Assassin was nothing special and therefore a good choice for a jobber here. Z-Man would stick around for a few years and thankfully switch away from the sleeper, which really didn’t work for a high flier like him.

Z-Man would be paired with Brian Pillman in another young fast team. They would actually pick up the US Tag Team Titles from the Freebirds in early 1990. Here’s the rematch at Wrestlewar 1990.

US Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Brian Pillman/Z-Man

The Birds are challenging here. They get sent to the floor immediately and the champs steal their clothes and dance around as Badstreet plays in the background. Funny moment. The crowd is all over the Birds. They weren’t much in the ring but they were heat machines. Today is Flair’s birthday according to JR. We finally get going with Brian vs. Hayes. Brian knocks him around with a clothesline and Garvin fluffs his hair.

Speaking of Garvin here he is and he gets Z-Man. Z takes him down with a headlock but misses a dropkick. Garvin, ever the Rhodes Scholar, ducks his head and gets kicked in the face. Back to Brian for another headlock. Hayes comes back in and things are going slowly to start, implying that they have a lot of time to work with. Sunset flip with a great jump gets two for Pillman.

Z-Man works on the arm and goes into a Fujiwar Armbar to Hayes. Back to Garvin who loses any advantage that Hayes had gotten on Z-Man. Pillman comes in as the fans seem a bit distracted. Hayes comes in and hooks a sleeper (sleep hold according to Ross) as JR talks about Paul Boesch, the promoter of Houston Wrestling for decades, demonstrating this hold in the second World War.

Brian escapes and sends him into the corner but charges into a great left hand to put him down. Brian rolls through a cross body for two. Back to Garvin as this is going a lot longer than I was expecting it to go. Since Garvin can’t manage to keep Brian in one place he makes the tag to Z-Man. Z-Man puts the Z Lock (sleeper) on Hayes but Garvin comes off the top for the save.

Garvin hooks a chinlock as this match has gone well over fifteen minutes so far. Now they mix things up with a Hayes chinlock. After 18 minutes, we’re told this is a rematch from the finals of the tournament where Z-Man and Pillman won the titles in the first place. Z-Man gets a small package for two. Hayes is like enough of that and goes back to the chinlock. JR thinks Hayes looks like Alice Cooper. Terry wants to know if Hayes knows who Buffalo Bill is.

Hayes goes up and kind of steps off with no significant contact being made. Back to Garvin as this needs to end really soon. Who decided to give the Birds over twenty minutes? Top rope fist gets two for Hayes after a non-tag. Bulldog gets two as Pillman breaks it up. Back to the chinlock #4 but Zenk drops him with a DDT of his own. There’s the tag to Pillman and the fans care more than I expected them to. Pillman cleans house but Hayes brings in a title but Pillman comes off the top with a cross body as the title is being taken out to retain the titles.

Rating: D. Technically the match was fine but MY GOODNESS this ran long. It clocks in at almost twenty four minutes which is just far too long. Pillman and Zenk can easily go that long but the Birds were already through their whole set of stuff at about 10 minutes in. The solution of course? Go 14 minutes past that. WAY too long and if you cut this to like 12 minutes it’s probably an okish match.

Same idea but with the TV Title at Clash XIV.

TV Title: Z-Man vs. Bobby Eaton

Z-Man is defending and Eaton comes out to LOUD canned BOBBY chants instead of theme music. Feeling out process to start with both guys trading holds on the mat. Z-Man can’t hiptoss him down and we have another standoff. Eaton takes him down with an armbar to take over but goes up top and gets dropkicked out to the floor.

Back in and Z-Man cranks on the arm so Eaton pops him in the jaw and sends the champion into the buckle. Eaton goes up again but gets dropkicked out of the air to change momentum. Z-Man tries to speed things up but charges into an elbow in the corner. Eaton’s top rope knee drop gets two but Z-Man is too close to the ropes. A pair of rollups get two each for Z-Man before he backslides Eaton to retain the title. Replays show Eaton’s shoulder was up just before the pin but it doesn’t change anything.

Rating: C-. Z-Man wasn’t great in the ring but he was a good fast paced act that could make for an entertaining match. Eaton was still trying to find himself as a singles guy after the Midnights broke up but it would take a few more months. Z-Man had already lost the title to Arn Anderson but the title change hadn’t aired on television yet.

Z-Man’s biggest feud in WCW was against Steve Austin who had recently taken the TV Title from him. Here’s a rematch from Clash XVI.

TV Title: Z-Man vs. Steve Austin

Austin is defending and has the evil Lady Blossom with him. They fight up against the ropes to start and then take it into the corner for a little variety. Z-Man grabs a hammerlock and takes it to the mat but Austin is in the ropes pretty quickly. A shoulder puts the champion down but Z-Man doesn’t follow up for some reason. Another shoulder drops Austin again but they fight up against the ropes instead of anyone trying a pin.

Austin takes him down with a headlock but Z-Man counters into an armbar. Back up and Z-Man hits a superkick but Austin bails to the floor. Z-Man dives onto the ramp to take Austin down but misses a top rope cross body. We hit the chinlock on the challenger for a few moments before Z-Man fights up and charges into the Stun Gun. Austin doesn’t cover and gets small packaged for two before getting caught in the sleeper. Steve is quickly in the ropes where Lady Blossom gives him a foreign object to knock out Z-Man and retain the title.

Rating: D+. Much like some of the other matches tonight, this was pretty dull stuff. It was a lot of laying around and Austin bailing to the floor before getting in a single shot to cheat. It makes sense for Austin to run like that, but Z-Man not following up just stopped any momentum that he had going.

Z-Man would go after the Light Heavyweight Title against former partner Brian Pillman at Wrestlewar 1992.

Light Heavyweight Title: Flying Brian vs. Z-Man

This should be awesome. These two used to be the US Tag Champions. Jesse wants the cheating to start before the match even begins. I love heel announcers when they’re good at what they do and he’s one of the best of them. They keep doing the same stuff because they know each other so well. That’s an old tactic but it works very well no matter what so I can’t complain.

Crowd is oddly dead here, but I think it’s because there hasn’t been much to cheer for in about an hour. Jesse does some play by play here which is very different. Him basically drooling over the idea of a punch being thrown is great. This starts off pretty slowly but it’s going with the slow build as you can tell the ending is going to be awesome. Z-Man misses a Vader Bomb so Pillman can take over again.

And now it’s half crab time for no apparent reason. Pillman would soon join up with Austin to make the Hollywood Blondes who were as awesome as you can be in a 6 month reign as a team. A figure four goes on and Z-Man has a bad knee. They’re going with a more mat based and psychology heavy match here and it’s working rather well. The crowd is hot for it which is a good thing.

Z-Man can sell the knee work very well too. Crucifix, one of Pillman’s signature moves, gets two. Jesse is BEGGING for them to cheat. Z-Man gets a cross body but goes too high with it and nearly breaks Pillman’s neck (which more or less happened at last year’s Wrestle War which we’ll get to later) but it only gets two.

Both guys are down and more or less out. In a nice bit of psychology, Z-Man fakes a knee injury and kicks Pillman as he’s coming down in a cross body. Nice move out of Bret Hart’s book….although that might not have been written yet. Z-Man misses a missile dropkick and Pillman gets a rollup to retain. Nice ending.

Rating: B+. Another very good match here. Pillman was just awesome at this point and this was no exception. Excellent match here with two guys just going out there and having a blast. Z-Man was insane for the most part and it’s a shame because he was very good in the ring when he wasn’t ticked off. This was a great match with a mixture of a lot of styles. I can’t quite get it into the A range, but it’s well worth watching if you’re bored.

Without much success, Z-Man would be put into another pretty boy tag team with Johnny Gunn. Here they are in a six man at Halloween Havoc 1992.

Z-Man/Johnny Gunn/Shane Douglas vs. Arn Anderson/Michael Hayes/Bobby Eaton

This should be good. Gunn is more famous as Tom Brandi. So we have three guys who are young and muscular vs. a heat machine and two wrestling masters. We’re in Philadelphia. You can fill in the blanks yourselves. Gunn and Anderson start things off with Anderson pounding him into the corner. Gunn comes back with a bad dropkick and Z-Man hits one of his own. The good guys clear the ring and get booed out of the building.

Z-Man comes in legally and cranks on Arn’s arm until Bobby comes in to take over. Eaton pops him with a right hand and the place ERUPTS. Off to Hayes who gets cheered too because he’s the king of playing to a crowd. Shane comes in to work on Michael’s arm and is booed in the process, which isn’t something you would ever expect to see in Philly. Back to Eaton who is armdragged down immediately.

Eaton takes Shane into the corner and pops him with a right hand too, but he gets promptly taken down by a flying headscissors. Back to Z-Man who these people just hate. He hooks a leg bar as Jesse rants about Shane probably being a right wing Republican. Z-Man hooks a sleeper on Anderson but it’s quickly countered. Back to Hayes who pounds away and hooks a chinlock on Zenk. Eaton comes in but leaves quickly with a blind tag to Arn.

Anderson KILLS Z-Man with a clothesline and the place erupts again. Even Jesse is stunned by this and he doesn’t stun easily. Hayes hooks a rear chinlock but Zenk slams him into the mat to escape. Double tag brings in Shane vs. Anderson but Eaton cheap shots Douglas in the knee to stop the comeback, again getting a pop from the audience. Eaton drops a top rope knee drop onto the knee and hooks a Figure Four (with help from Hayes of course). Shane turns it over and atomic drops Anderson, but they hit heads. Hot tag to Gunn and everything breaks down with Gunn hitting a Thesz Press to pin Hayes. The booing is great.

Rating: C+. If this has been ANYWHERE other than Philadelphia, this would have been an excellent opener. I can’t say the fans turned on the good guys because they were never on their side in the first place. You had to know this was coming if you knew anything about the city, but the match itself was fine. Jesse’s reactions to the crowd were entertaining too as he sounded genuinely surprised.

We’ll wrap it up with Z-Man’s last big match in WCW at Slamboree 1993. This one needs a lot of explanation.


Tag Titles: Hollywood Blondes vs. Dos Hombres

This is in a cage. This is one of those angles that is so full of backstory it’s unreal. Ok so who in the world are Dos Hombres. Well they’re “luchadores” in masks. However, they’re introduced as Ricky Steamboat and Shane Douglas. Now one of them is Steamboat. The other however, isn’t Shane Douglas. It’s actually Tom Zenk. So in other words, we have a guy portraying Shane Douglas portraying a luchador who everyone “knows” is Shane wearing a mask.

Now that probably requires an explanation too. Steamboat and Douglas had been tag team champions and feuded with Brian Pillman/Barry Windham. Windham had to leave for some reason so they substituted in Steve Austin and made the team the Hollywood Blondes. They eventually won the titles and held them for like six months. Oh and these are UNIFIED tag titles, because the NWA thinks people still care about them because the NWA is stupid.

Anyway, the new champs beat the former champs time after time. They were scheduled to face Dos Hombres, some new team from Mexico, in what was supposed to be a squash. However, Dos Hombres started fighting like Douglas and Steamboat to the point that everyone said yeah that’s Steamboat and Douglas. They were even introduced by those names. Anyway, the thing is that Douglas had been fired and in the non-title match it was Brad Armstrong under the mask. In this match which is for the titles, it’s Tom Zenk. Got all that?

Despite this being in a cage they have to tag which gets annoying fast. Steamboat and Austin start but it’s off to Pillman very quickly. Yeah that’s Steamboat. You can tell those chops anywhere. Pillman can’t put him into the cage and there’s an armdrag. Off to “Shane” who is way too skinny to be who he’s portraying. There are two guys in suits that keep getting shown and I don’t know who they are.

Both “Shane” and Austin block head shots to the cage but Austin goes in back first just a bit. Both guys hit the ropes and Austin gets backdropped. Not much of a cage match here but a pretty good wrestling match up to this point. Austin eats cage in the first good shot into it. Back to Steamboat (I think) against Pillman who takes over. Yeah there’s an armdrag so it’s “Shane” who got tagged in.

Gorilla press puts Pillman’s back into the cage. Off to Austin who can’t do much because his back hurts from going into the cage. He gets caught in the Tree of Woe but from the top of the cage instead of the corner. The challengers do the camera thing that the Blondes are known for in a funny bit. Austin gets down and takes over again. I have no idea which Hombre is in there.

Middle rope elbow gets two for the future rattlesnake that has hair here. The Blondes have to hide the use of a towel. In a cage match? Pillman comes in and jumps into a boot to put both guys down. I think that’s “Shane” in there but I’m really not sure. They’re full body suits so you can’t tell them apart at all other than mannerisms. Austin cuts off the tag at the last second and we keep at it.

“Shane” gets a dropkick to send Austin into the cage. Oh yeah that’s a Steamboat shot from the apron. Austin blocks another tag with something like a spinebuster. Larry says that Austin can be a legend if his body holds up. Holy prognostication Larry! Rocket Launcher sends Brian into “Shane’s” ribs and they both down again. There’s the tag to Steamboat who cleans house. Austin tries to hide and there’s the Flair shot from him. You figure out what I mean by that and why the audience laughed at it.

Everything breaks down and Steamboat takes the mask off. He climbs the cage and takes out BOTH Blondes for two with a huge cross body! AWESOME! Even the bell goes off inadvertently and I can’t blame them. Steamboat DDTs Austin for two and does the same to Pillman. Stereo dropkicks get two. In a rushed but kind of sweet ending, the Hombres get the champs in opposite corners and whip them together but Pillman reverses and sends Steamboat into Austin who hits a Stun Gun to retain.

Rating: B. Good match, although I’m really not sure why it was inside a cage. Anyway, the point is that this was solid stuff as the Blondes were totally awesome throughout their entire run so this was pretty much an automatic good match. Zenk is good in the ring but he was in over his head with these guys. The backstory is a mess but it was still a breath of incredibly fresh air after watching the legends go at it for an hour.

Zenk is a guy that wasn’t the best worker in the world but he had a great look and could pass on his decent skills. However, to say he screwed up by running his mouth is an understatement. I can’t do them justice, but the rants he went on about backstage politics in WCW are some of the funniest things you’ll ever hear and I highly recommend looking them up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of ECW Pay Per Views at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Wrestler of the Day – August 16: Don Muraco

Time for the original Rock: Don Muraco.

Muraco got started back in 1970 but we’ll pick him up in Florida at some point in 1970.

Don Muraco vs. Barry Windham

Dig that rocking beard on Muraco! He hammers Barry down to start and knees him to the mat. Windham is sent out to the floor and into a wooden barricade as this is total domination so far. Back in and the beating continues with Muraco hammering away at the head. Muraco’s Asiatic Spike hold is good for the win.

We’ll head to the WWF now and jump ahead a few years. Muraco would challenge for the Intercontinental Title on January 22, 1983.

Intercontinental Title: Pedro Morales vs. Don Muraco

This is from MSG in January of 83. Morales had taken the title from Muraco over a year ago. See, back then title reigns were VERY different. The title was introduced in 1979 and Ricky Steamboat was the 11th reign in 1987. In 8 years, the title changed hands 10 times. Think about that. Of the first ten reigns, the shortest was five months. Today, that would be a long reign. Back then it was by far the shortest. Three of the first ten lasted over a year. Think about that for a minute and now compare it to today.

As for this match, Muraco jumps the champ in the corner but Morales fights back quickly. Morales rips half of the shirt off Muraco and the challenger is in trouble. Corner sunset flip gets two for Morales. Muraco has a sleeve of his shirt still hanging off his arm. Pedro knocks him to the floor and this is all Morales so far. Muraco does a Flair Flop off the apron to the floor.

Pedro goes up top but doesn’t dive onto him as Don hides under the floor. That was pretty smart. Muraco tries to hide as Morales stalks him. Boot to the back of the head and it’s all Pedro. Gorilla criticizes him for not going for the kill, which is pretty good analysis. And there’s a low blow by Muraco and both guys are down. Still using the t-shirt, Muraco chokes Pedro with it in the corner, only to get low blowed as well.

Ok NOW the t-shirt is finally gone. A running knee in the corner misses for Morales though and he might have blown it out. There’s a lot of blowing in this match. Muraco moves in on it with a leg snap out of the corner. Clipped to a spinning toe hold being countered by Pedro. Morales, ever the genius, tries a backbreaker (despite sending Muraco’s shoulder into the post on the counter) and reinjures his knee. Boston Crab (Pedro’s finisher) is quickly broken by the ropes. Pedro tries a slam but the knee buckles and Muraco falls on top for the pin and the second title change in two matches on this tape.

Rating: C-. Not great or anything but again it’s really cool to see these rarities as you always hear about how these legends held titles but you never see how they won them. Pedro was far better in the 70s than 80s as he was washed up at this point, but he could still put people over, which is what he did here. Decent stuff, although a lot of stalling hurt it.

Off to the most famous match of Muraco’s career. From MSG on October 17, 1983.

Intercontinental Title: Don Muraco vs. Jimmy Snuka

This is in a cage. Sound familiar? You can only win by escape, making this a REAL cage match. A quick slugout is won by Snuka but Muraco pops back up. Snuka chops away as the beating begins. Don tries for the door but Snuka will have none of that. Muraco manages to slingshot him into the cage and Jimmy is busted early. Snuka gets a knee up and climbs the cage, only to come back down and pound away on Muraco some more.

Don manages a slam and goes for the door but Jimmy makes a save, only to take a low blow. Snuka pops up and chops Don’s head open, followed by a middle rope headbutt. He stands Muraco up, and in a semi-famous ending, hits a flying headbutt which knocks Muraco into the door, knocking it open so that the unconscious Muraco can fall out to keep the title.

Rating: D+. The match was intense while it lasted, but the whole thing only runs about seven minutes. There’s nothing of note here at all other than the ending which is pretty creative. I don’t remember a shorter cage match off the top of my head, which is something I think a lot of people forget. I think people think this was a big and epic brawl but it’s really Snuka killing him and then the ending with a run time of 6:46. That’s not much.

Post match Jimmy snaps and throws Muraco back inside. He suplexes Muraco down and goes to the corner. He climbs to the top rope but then goes a step further to the top of the cage, and in the most famous scene in wrestling until Hogan vs. Andre, jumps off the top of the cage with the Superfly Splash, completely crushing Muraco. That still looks great today, and some credit needs to go to Muraco. He was starting to sit up when Jimmy hits him, but after the Splash Muraco is DEAD.

Mick Foley, Sandman, Tommy Dreamer and Bubba Ray Dudley were in attendance that night and all have said this was what made them want to be a wrestler. I can easily see how that would be the case, as there was nothing like this beforehand. Snuka was flying through the air and crushed Muraco, which still looks incredible today. It’s stuff like that which you can only see in wrestling, which is what makes it great.

For some reason on the replays they keep stopping it right before the splash hits.

From MSG on January 23, 1984.

Intercontinental Title: Don Muraco vs. Tito Santana

Tito is challenging and Muraco has Albano with him. Feeling out process to start with Albano wondering around the ring for no apparent reason other than he’s Lou Albano. Tito finally takes over with a headlock before firing off some of those right hands that Jesse would say have guacamole on them. When the headlock stops working, Tito just rams Muraco’s head into the mat. Why over complicate things?

Back to the headlock as Tito cranks away. A big knee drop to Muraco’s head gets two and it’s back to the headlock. Don comes out of the hold with a backbreaker but is immediately slammed right back down into the headlock. This is getting rather repetitive as we’re over eleven minutes into this match and about nine of them have been spent in a headlock. They changes things up slightly by having Tito on his feet where Muraco can break the hold with a kind of Russian legsweep.

Muraco rams Santana’s head into the buckle to take over and adds in a powerslam for two. I’m pretty sure Muraco’s finisher at this point was a tombstone but I’m not sure. The fans cheer for Tito and he starts to Hulk Up a bit. Santana punches Muraco down and stomps away before having to take Albano out. The forearm misses Don though and both guys are down. Muraco goes up top and they slug it out….for a double DQ? Dang this is an old school match. Even Gorilla sounds confused by that.

Rating: D. I LOVE Tito Santana, but man alive this was boring. It’s a sixteen minute match and nearly thirteen minutes of that are spent in a headlock. That isn’t an exaggeration either. I checked to see if I had forgotten something but there’s nothing else there. Tito would win the title from Muraco about three weeks later in Boston.

Time for Muraco to go after a big dog. From May 18, 1985.

Hulk Hogan/Jimmy Snuka vs. Don Muraco/Bob Orton

In Boston which means a hot crowd. Hogan is champion (duh) and Jimmy is probably the second most popular guy in the company. More Mania fallout stuff here. Big brawl to start and the good guys clear the ring. Snuka and Orton officially start and Bob gets his cast beaten on. Well that’s a very slow healing injury after all. They work on the arm for awhile with Hogan even coming in off the middle rope with a shot.

The arm hits the post and at this point it’s still a fresh injury, only having been broken for a month or so. Back to Snuka and the beating continues. The Human Banana comes back in and Orton can’t get anything going. Big atomic drop has Orton in trouble but he manages to trip Hogan to bring in Muraco. Gee Hogan went down quickly there. Clipped to Orton hitting a nice delayed vertical on Hogan.

Back to Muraco with some nice heel double teaming. They collide and there’s the hot tag to Snuka. The camera cuts to a shot of the crowd and a kid pops up right in front of the camera like in a horror movie. Fuji gets up on the apron for a distraction and Orton hits Snuka with the cast. Hogan takes a shot too and Snuka is busted. OH MAN is he cut. Hogan goes into the post on the floor and we’re clipped to more beating on Snuka. He gets a shot in though and it’s off to Hogan finally. Orton pops him with the cast almost immediately and it gets thrown out.

Rating: C+. I liked this one a lot and I’d have loved to see the full version of it. That and a decisive ending instead of the DQ but whatever. This was Hogan 101 back in the day: find some guy to tag with, find a pair of heels, and watch the guy get bigger than he was going to be able to get on his own. They’re trying that with Cena and Ryder at the moment, but it’s not working so well because Ryder looks like a helpless chick (remember Cena holding him?) in the whole thing.

Muraco would be entered into the Wrestling Classic.

First Round: Tito Santana vs. Don Muraco

Tito is IC Champion here, yet he doesn’t get an introduction? That makes a lot of sense. These two had some great matches for the IC belt awhile back. Gorilla and Jesse debate the wisdom of a champion being in the tournament which is a valid point. Santana really is underrated in the ring. I defy you to find a truly bad Santana match where he wasn’t getting squashed. This is just a great old school style of a match here in all its 80s greatness.

They work a very different style than what you would see on TV today but it was great stuff. A lot of the time the more basic you go the better your stuff will be. That’s what should be on Tito’s tombstone as it was how his whole career went. In an ending that I really like, Muraco hits a powerslam for the three, but Santana’s foot is over the rope. Muraco is celebrating and walks into a small package for the real pin. I really like that.

It makes Muraco looks fairly strong as he actually got Santana down for three while at the same time it keeps Santana from looking weak because while he was pinned, it wasn’t legal. Again, creative booking makes things that otherwise would be bad much better. Fun match.

Rating: B. While they only had four minutes, they were a good four minutes. See, you can have matches like JYD and Sheik that are short and suck, and then you can have matches like this that was short and good. These two went out there and went hard for a few minutes and had a fun match. That’s how it’s done guys. Take notes. Santana really was a master in the ring and Muraco was no slouch either.

Here’s a match that can’t possibly be bad. From MSG on November 25, 1985.

Don Muraco vs. Ricky Steamboat

MSG from November of 85. They’re slow to start so I’m assuming this is going to go on for awhile. Steamboat speeds things up and a kick sends Don to the floor. Back in and Steamboat claps Muraco’s ears to send him right back to the floor. Back in and Muraco walks into a superkick and chops. Steamboat hooks the rare face chinlock (it’s a neck crank but I call them all chinlocks).

Muraco comes back but walks into more shots from Ricky to send him back outside. Back in again and Muraco STILL can’t get anything going. Backdrop sets up some armdrags and off to something resembling an STF. Now into a camel clutch. Steamboat grabs a nose lock before shifting to a front facelock. Clipped to later in the facelock as we hear about how this is a revenge match for the Dragon.

Muraco finally gets in some offense with an atomic drop and a clothesline. Steamboat goes face first into the post and he’s busted. Muraco goes after the wound like an evil man. Now it’s Steamboat on the floor as Gorilla wants a doctor to take a look at Steamboat. A slingshot puts Ricky into the post. Steamboat staggers around on the floor for a bit before getting slingshotted back in. That’s a popular move in this match.

Ricky chops away in the corner and the people get all exciteable. Muraco comes back again and Fuji throws in the cane. They fight over it but Steamboat kicks him off and into the referee. A cane shot misses Ricky so Steamboat kicks him in the back of the head and grabs the cane. The fans are LOSING IT. A cane shot draws the DQ loss for Steamboat though.

Rating: C+. Not a classic or anything but for what it was, this was fine. They let the guys do their thing and they worked the crowd into a frenzy because of it. What else do you really need to do in a place like New York? Steamboat was great and while Muraco was just a step past his prime, he could still go and do 20 minutes like he did here. Fine match.

Muraco would get a WWF World Title shot at SNME V.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Don Muraco

Real American is used for the first time here. That’s rather cool. Apparently the music video debuts tonight as well. Muraco is number one contender for some reason. This screams generic Hogan match to me but I’ve been wrong before. This wouldn’t appear to be one of those times though. Actually Hogan is dominating here which isn’t something you often see. Hogan has white kneepads. That’s rather odd.

Muraco takes over and this isn’t anything of note at all, but somehow this is by far and away the best match of the night thus far. Muraco uses a move called the Asian Spike twice. I’d assume it’s a thumb to the chest or something like that. Hulk Up time and Heenan runs in for the DQ after the leg drop.

Rating: C-. Not bad but just a filler match to set up the ending angle. Much like the rest of the stuff around this time, there just wasn’t much here. Hogan did his usual stuff which to be fair was still huge back then. This was fine for what it was, though that wasn’t all that much in the first place.

Muraco would open Wrestlemania II in a match dealing with the post Wrestlemania I fallout.

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

This is fallout from the main event of Mania last year as Orndorff turned face due to Piper and Orton leaving him behind. Muraco is an associate of Piper so this is kind of a proxy feud for Paul. Muraco has Fuji with him too. Both guys say they’ll win in a voiceover as the match starts. Paul slams Muraco down to start and the crowd is already hot. Orndorff makes a slant eyes face at Fuji which today would get him thrown out of the company. In 1986, he was making $20,000 a week later in the year. It’s funny how times change.

Paul takes him down to the mat with an armbar as Susan St. James clearly has no idea what’s going on. She’s trying but this isn’t something she knows about at all it would seem. Paul cranks on a wristlock before going back down to the armbar. Susan: “He looks like he’s using some ancient Chinese techniques”. Uh…yeah. Muraco finally escapes and sends Paul into the corner, only to have Orndorff go off on him as they brawl to the floor. In something you won’t ever hear again I don’t think, the opening match of Wrestlemania goes to a double countout. The fans chant some expletives.

Rating: D. What do you want here? The match is four minutes long and ends in a double countout. It was hot while it lasted, but the problem is that it didn’t last long enough at all. This was a pretty big feud and it gets a four minute match? That’s all they can spare these guys? Orndorff would have a MEGA heel turn later in the summer which would eventually draw 74,000 people to an outdoor show in Toronto. That’s some drawing power.

Muraco would appear at the Big Event.

King Tonga vs. Don Muraco

Both are heels here and Tonga is more commonly known as Haku/Meng. He looks weird in regular tights too. I think he’s supposed to be a face but he’s just not popular at all. He’s also referred to as both King Tonga and Haku. He works on the arm, like a lot. I mean he works on that thing like there’s no freaking tomorrow.

We’re at about 5 minutes of just arm work. Valiant and Ladd are rather annoying men. And now we hit a two minute nerve hold. I have a bad feeling I know where this is going to go. Good grief this is just boring. Nothing of note happens for the better part of ever and then we have a time limit draw at about seventeen of the twenty minutes. This was a waste of time.

Rating: D+. I hate matches like these. Draws are fine, but dang man this was just freaking boring. Haku using a high cross body was cool though. Either way, this just wasn’t interesting at all and the wrestling wasn’t any good. That makes for a very bad match, especially this early on the show.

Muraco would start hanging out with Adrian Adonis and face Roddy Piper as a result. From November 1, 1986.

Roddy Piper vs. Don Muraco

Muraco is an Adonis crony. Piper jumps him to start and he’s WAY over. He was easily the second most popular guy in the company at this point. Muraco has a beard here which doesn’t work on him at all. They go to the floor and Piper slams him into a chair. Piper bites him coming back in and then gets him tied up in the ropes.

There’s a bulldog for no cover. There are cops walking around in the front row for some reason. Muraco sends him to the floor and Fuji gets in a shot to take Piper down a few pegs. Piper gets sent into the post and is busted. I can’t actually see it but Gorilla said it and Gorilla wouldn’t lie. Back in now and Piper spears him down to take over. Oh yeah it’s dripping off his face. Muraco is busted too.

This is a total brawl now. Muraco swings away but you don’t do that to Piper. He takes over with punches and hits a suplex for two. Fuji pokes Piper with the cane to shift momentum one more time. They’re both bleeding a ton. Fuji tries to interfere again but Muraco accidentally knees him to the floor and Piper rolls up Muraco for the pin.

Rating: B-. Fun brawl here which is what Piper was best at. He could go out there and have a totally wild brawl but his charisma was more than enough to carry him to a good match. Well maybe fun is the better term that good but you get the idea. This of course all culminated with the hair vs. hair match at Mania with Piper vs. Adonis.

Time for a comedy match. From November 24, 1986.

Don Muraco vs. Hillbilly Jim

Muraco is dressed like Piper and Fuji is with him in a tux. Remember that. Muraco is wrestling in the kilt. Jim rips it off quickly and the beating begins. Muraco is sent to the floor and Fuji’s hat got crushed. Muraco hides in the corner and Jim works on the arm. A headbutt puts Don on the floor. Muraco takes him down and it’s off to a nerve hold. Jim comes back and hits a big boot. Bear hug (called a full nelson by Monsoon for some reason) draws in Fuji for the DQ.

Rating: D. Jim was a fun character and this was designed to set up the next match and that’s all. Muraco was definitely on the downside of his career at this point but he still had a few more years on the top level to go. Fuji interfering directly sets up the next match on the tape which is always cool to see.

Muraco would join forces with Bob Orton and open the biggest show ever. From Wrestlemania III.

Can-Am Connection vs. Don Muraco/Bob Orton

No story here as they’re just two teams having a match. The Can-Am Connection is Rick Martel (Can) and Tom Zenk (Am) which would kind of evolve into Strike Force. Martel and Muraco start things off with Rick hitting a quick shoulder to take Don down. A hip block and a kind of monkey flip put Muraco down again and it’s a standoff. Zenk comes in for a double monkey flip and it’s off to Orton who gets armdragged down as well.

Bob gets hit from one corner to the other until Zenk takes him down with an armbar. All Connection so far. They trade full nelsons and Muraco hits Orton by mistake for two. Bob gets his arm cranked on a bit until FINALLY making the tag out to Muraco. The bad luck continues for the heels as Don is slammed down and has his arm worked on as well.

Orton and Muraco finally start cheating with a knee to Zenk’s back and a shot from the middle rope. Zenk and Bob ram heads and it’s a double tag as everything breaks down. The heels are sent into each other and a double dropkick takes Orton down. Muraco gets double teamed and a cross body with a trip from Zenk is enough for Martel to get the pin.

Rating: B-. I’ve called this the best opening match in Wrestlemania history and I don’t think it’s that far off from the truth. There are definitely matches of higher quality, but think about what an opening match is supposed to do. It’s designed to set the tone for a show and this one did that. It’s about five and a half minutes long and the good guys beat the bad guys with some nice continuity. It’s nothing flashy but it wasn’t supposed to be. This is a very nice, basic tag match and the crowd was into it, which is all it was supposed to accomplish. Good stuff here.

After turning face, Muraco would main event the first Survivor Series.

Team Andre the Giant vs. Team Hulk Hogan

Andre the Giant, King Kong Bundy, One Man Gang, Butch Reed, Rick Rude
Hulk Hogan, Bam Bam Bigelow, Don Muraco, Ken Patera, Paul Orndorff

After Andre’s team comes out, we go to the back for a great late 80s Hogan insane promo. He talks about how hungry all of his team is and apparently he trusts Orndorff again. Muraco is subbing for an injured Billy Graham who would never wrestle again if I remember correctly. To say the place erupts for Hogan is an understatement. Muraco and Rude get things going here. Again there aren’t many feuds going on here other than Hogan vs. Andre. Rude and Orndorff are feuding but other than that I don’t think there were any established programs already.

Rude gets knocked into the corner and quintuple teamed before it’s off to Orndorff for the tag. Paul knocks him around a bit and here’s Hogan to blow the roof off the place again. He drops a bunch of elbows on Rude and here’s Bigelow with a splash for no cover. Bigelow gorilla presses Rude and here’s Patera who never got back to where he was before his jail stint.

Off to Reed who has about as much luck as Rude had earlier. Muraco comes in and dropkicks Reed down as does Orndorff. Paul beats on him for a bit and it’s a double clothesline from Hogan and Orndorff, leading to the big leg and a 5-4 lead for Hogan and company. Andre comes in while Hogan is celebrating, but Joey Marella (Gorilla’s adopted son) says a high five to Patera counted as a tag so the teasing of the crowd continues.

Andre, the Frenchman that he is, thinks Patera is beneath him and tags out to Bundy. Patera clotheslines Bundy down but King tags in Gang to beat on Orndorff. Paul is all like BRING IT ON and punches Gang in the head, only to charge into a knee in the corner to bring him right back down. Off to Rude who gets his own head taken off by a clothesline. It’s been ALL Hulk N Pals so far.

Rude pokes Muraco in the eye and it’s off to Gang, but OMG misses a splash in the corner. Patera gets in and pounds away on Gang even more with right hands and a knee in the corner. Gang goes to the eyes which of course makes Jesse happy. Patera tries to fight back but they clothesline each other and Gang falls on top of him for the pin, making it 4-4. Hogan comes in immediately to take over but quickly brings in Bam Bam for a double big boot.

Bigelow is probably the second most popular guy in the company at this point or third at worst behind only Hogan and Savage. They hit head to head and it’s a double tag to Rude and Orndorff. Paul goes nuts on him but as he loads up the piledriver, Bundy jumps him from behind, giving Rude a quick rollup pin. That would be it for Orndorff in the WWF, at least in major spots.

Bigelow comes in and suplexes Rude down before tagging out to Hogan for a high knee (!). A powerslam from Muraco to take Rude out and it’s Gang, Bundy and Andre vs. Bigelow, Hogan and Muraco. Muraco goes after Bundy’s leg which is pretty good strategy. Granted it doesn’t work but at least it was a good idea. Gang comes in and Muraco can’t slam him because he’s really fat. The splash eliminates Muraco and it’s 3-2.

Gang vs. Bigelow now with Bigelow trying a sunset flip, only to get crushed by the power of fat. Bundy clotheslines Bigelow inside out and Jesse says Hogan is going to run if Bigelow gets eliminated. Gorilla RUNS to Hogan’s defense and Jesse freaks. Gang and Bigelow collide and Hogan looks like he’s about to cry. Andre finally comes in and Bigelow looks TINY compared to him.

Bigelow slides between Andre’s legs and FINALLY it’s Hogan vs. Andre. Hogan pounds away and blocks a headbutt and Andre is in trouble. Hogan decks Bundy and Gang before elbowing Andre in the head. Bundy pulls Hogan to the floor and Hulk has to beat up both of the other monsters. He slams both guys, but he’s outside too long and Hogan is counted out. Hogan, the great sportsman that he is, gets back in anyway and is STUNNED, yes STUNNED I SAY about getting counted out. It takes the referees saying that if Hogan doesn’t leave, his whole team is disqualified.

So it’s Bigelow vs. Andre, Bundy and Gang. Bigelow starts with Bundy and clotheslines him down for two. A shoulder block puts Bundy down again and a headbutt gets two. A dropkick staggers Bundy and the King misses a splash. Bigelow hits his slingshot splash to eliminate Bundy and make it 2-1.

Gang comes in immediately and starts pounding away, hooking something like a front facelock. Bigelow gets rammed into Andre’s boot and Gang goes up. Oh this can’t end well. Gang misses a “splash” and Bigelow pins him to get us down to one on one. Let the pain begin. Andre pounds him down, avoids a charge, fires off a bunch of shoulders to the back, and a kind of single arm butterfly suplex gets the final pin for Andre.

Rating: B-. For a main event, this was perfectly fine. More than anything else, it continues Hogan vs. Andre. They had their first match about eight months ago and something like this needed to happen to extend the feud. That’s the reason for the amount of PPVs going up: you need another place to have major feuds. Andre has now won something in direct competition over Hogan and there’s a reason for a rematch. Maybe on February 5th live on NBC?

Muraco would be entered into the WWF World Title tournament at Wrestlemania IV.

WWF World Title Tournament First Round: Dino Bravo vs. Don Muraco

Bravo shoves him back into the corner to start to win the first power battle of the match. Muraco hammers him down and tries something like a Vader Bomb but basically just lands next to Bravo instead. Dino comes back with an elbow to the face and a gutwrench suplex for no cover. A knee in the corner misses Muraco so he starts hammering on the knee.

A spinning toehold has Bravo in trouble but Don gets kicked away and gets his head caught in the ropes. Dino uses Muraco’s own piledriver to get two but a second attempt is countered with a backdrop. They clothesline each other but it’s Muraco up first. He hits a flying forearm which works so well that he tries it again, but Bravo pulls the referee into Muraco for the DQ.

Rating: D+. this was slow and plodding but it wasn’t horrible. Muraco was far better when he was less muscular and evil and this part of his career never quite worked that well. One very nice thing here is Jesse freaking out when Bravo got disqualified but then saying it was correct when seeing Bravo pull the referee on the replay. It’s very refreshing to see something like that.

WWF World Title Tournament Quarterfinals: Don Muraco vs. Ted DiBiase

The winner goes to the finals because of the double DQ. Ted comes out alone here for the first time tonight. Muraco pulls him into the ring by the hair and we’re ready to go. A quick powerslam gets two and Ted is reeling. There’s a clothesline for another two and Ted tries to bail. DiBiase finally gets to the floor and Billy Graham (Muraco’s manager) tries to hit him with his cane. Back in and Don tries to pull him out of the corner but gets pulled into the corner himself instead. DiBiase finally has some control but misses a falling reverse elbow off the middle rope. Muraco makes a quick comeback but walks into a hotshot for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here but yet again the time hurts them a lot. There’s only so much you can do in about five minutes, although it was good to show that DiBiase could get a win on his own which he did here. Muraco would be gone pretty soon if I remember correctly. Not much of a match here but it wasn’t bad.

Muraco would head to the indies for awhile before reappearing at the ECW/WCW show Slamboree 1993.

Dick Murdoch/Don Muraco/Jimmy Snuka vs. Wahoo McDaniel/Blackjack Mulligan/Jim Brunzell

Snuka in WCW is just weird. There are only three Legends matches and they’re all in a row. See, the problem with shows like these is that they have to actually wrestle. The Jims star us off here. Brunzell controls and takes over to start before bringing in Mulligan (Barry Windham’s dad). Mulligan vs. Murdoch now and they look their age. Murdoch gets taken down and goes into the wrong corner which ends badly for him.

Larry actually gets on Schiavone for knowing too much history. Dang Bischoff messed with that guy’s head and style like nothing I’ve ever seen. Murdoch (former big shot in the KKK apparently) runs from Wahoo and it’s off to Muraco. Wahoo slams him a few times and Muraco runs off. It’s weird to see Snuka on the seemingly heel team.

Muraco chops McDaniel a lot as Wahoo is face in peril I guess. Ok never mind as it’s off to Brunzell again who hits that dropkick of his. MURDOCH HITS A FREAKING FLYING HEADSCISSORS!!! I need a minute here. The announcers pop big for that. Not very horrible either if you can believe that (playa). Sleeper doesn’t work that well for Brunzell as Muraco breaks it up and hits a powerslam for no cover.

Wahoo gets a tag but the referee misses it so we’re still not ready to bring someone new in. Heel miscommunication puts Snuka down. Murdoch goes up top and puts his knee in Brunzell’s back to drive him down for two. Back to Muraco who gets caught in a cross body for two. Snuka finally comes in and gets in an argument with Snuka. Everything breaks down into a big brawl and the match gets thrown out.

Rating: C. It’s hard to come down on these matches as they’re not supposed to be good or anything. None of the guys have been active for years other than maybe some work on the indy circuits (Muraco was in ECW sometime around this, as was Snuka) so it’s not like they’ve been in the spotlight recently. The idea is to let them get one last hurrah and that’s fine. Hard to complain if the match is even remotely passable.

Don Muraco is a guy who may not have been the top guy in the promotion but he was a solid hand no matter where they put him on the card. He could wrestle with anyone and could be a good power face or a conniving heel. Muraco was a good guy to bring over from the territory system and he would rarely have a bad match. That’s a very valuable asset to have and Muraco was very good at it.

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Wrestler of the Day – July 7: Barry Windham

Today is one of the most talented wrestlers you’ll ever see: Barry Windham. This is going to be a shorter list as one of the matches is over forty minutes long. It’s well worth it though.

Windham got started in 1979 so we’ll pick things up at the first Wrestlemania. Barry is part of the WWF Tag Team Champions the US Express.

Tag Titles: US Express vs. Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik

The Express is Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo and they’re defending tonight. A little trivia for you: the song Real American was originally used for the two of them but Hogan wound up using it instead. The heels do their whole Russian national anthem and Iran/Russia #1 deal before the match. Rotundo and Sheik start things off with the Iranian hooking a headlock. A dropkick puts Sheik down and Mike grabs a headlock.

Off to Barry who avoids double teaming and causes the challengers to collide. Back to Rotundo to work over Nikolai with an elbow drop getting two. Windham comes in off the top with a shot to the arm and Rotundo does the same thing. Sheik suplexes Mike down for two as the foreigners take over. Nikolai drops him throat first across the throat and the USA chant starts up.

A sunset flip gets a quick two for Mike but it’s back to Sheik for an abdominal stretch. That doesn’t last long though as Mike hiptosses out of it and it’s off to Barry via the hot tag. The bulldog (Barry’s finisher at the time) takes Volkoff out as everything breaks down. In the melee, Sheik hits Windham in the back with the cane for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. This was a better match than we’ve seen so far with the fans getting way into the whole USA vs. foreigners thing. The title change was there only so something historic could happen and the Express got the belts back about two and a half months later. They would split soon after that with both guys heading to the NWA.

Here’s the big match. From Battle of the Belts II, on February 14, 1986.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Barry Windham

Flair is defending of course and actually comes out to a Phil Collins song. They shake hands to start and Windham gets the early advantage with a dropkick and slam to send the champion to the floor. Back in and they fight over a top wristlock before going into a nice technical sequence to take them down to the mat. Flair goes for the leg but Barry grabs a hammerlock to escape.

Ric fights out of the hold but gets put right back into the hammerlock to keep him in trouble. Off to an armbar from Barry before he takes Flair into the corner for some good old right hands to the face. Flair goes for a right hand of his own and Barry is offended for some reason. A rollup gets two on Ric and Barry grabs a headscissors to keep control. Flair slips out and cranks on the leg but opts for a cover instead, only to have Windham bridge up for a long time to block.

Chops don’t have much effect so Windham comes back with more right hands to take over. Barry hooks a Boston crab but Flair makes it to a rope. A vertical suplex gets two and we hit the abdominal stretch on Flair. What looked to be a low blow gets Flair out of trouble and he throws Barry to the floor with Windham landing on the steps. Back in and a bleeding Windham is in trouble but he avoids the knee drop and Flair bangs his knee. As is the case in almost every Flair match, he gets put in his own Figure Four. Ric finally makes the ropes and Barry has to start over again.

Windham cranks on the leg and drives some knees into the champion’s bad wheel. Flair comes back with a knee in the corner and Ric takes a breather in the corner. Ric hooks a figure four headscissors but Windham reverses into another leg lock. That goes nowhere so it’s back to the corner for some more chops. A piledriver puts Barry down for two but he counters a snapmare into a backslide for two. Back up and a big lariat gets two for the challenger but both guys are getting tired.

There’s the Flair Flip in the corner and Ric heads out to the floor. Referee Bill Alfonso (yes that Bill Alfonso) orders them back inside and Ric, now bleeding as well, gets in another shot to take over. Now it’s Windham being thrown outside before having his sunset flip blocked by a right hand. There’s a sleeper to Windham but Flair opts for a suplex to put Barry down again.

Now it’s time for Ric to go after the leg with his old standards. The Figure Four goes on but Barry turns it over for the break. Ric takes forever to get up top and earns that slam down. Windham gets another burst of adrenaline but misses a knee drop of his own to put him right back in trouble. Flair busts out a double stomp of all things but the referee gets bumped.

Barry is sent over the ropes and lands back first on the apron. He comes back in with a missile dropkick and now the fans are waking up. The groggy referee only counts two so Windham puts Flair in a sleeper. Ric basically collapses to break the hold but Barry’s splash hits knees.

The Figure Four is countered into a small package but Ric lands in the ropes. Another big clothesline gets two for Barry and there’s another Flair Flip. Ric gets to the top but dives into a right hand to the ribs. Barry misses the clothesline and Flair cross bodies both of them out to the floor. Both guys fight to keep the other from getting in and it’s a double countout.

Rating: A-. This was one of their weaker matches but it shows you what they’re capable of doing when they have the time and stage to have a great match. Barry was so smooth in the ring for someone of his size (6’6, 260lbs) and it was amazing to see him move around the ring as fast as he did. Very good match.

We’ll jump ahead to Barry teaming up with Lex Luger to go after the World Tag Team Titles at the first Clash of the Champions.

World Tag Team Titles: Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard vs. Lex Luger/Barry Windham

Anderson and Blanchard are defending and Windham and Luger are incredibly popular due to the Horsemen (the champions) kicking him out of the team for reasons explained earlier. Luger starts with Tully and pushes him down with ease. The champions try some double teaming but both get clotheslined followed by a powerslam to Blanchard. Lex puts Tully in his Torture Rack finisher but Anderson kicks Luger in the knee for the save. Arn comes in and goes after the knee before it’s back to Tully for more of the same.

Lex sends the Horsemen into each other and Tully can’t stop the hot tag to Windham. Barry cleans house and hits the lariat followed by a powerslam for two on Blanchard. Ross is losing his mind on commentary as only he can. A sleeper nearly puts Blanchard out but Barry lets him fall to the floor for a breather. Back in and Tully goes up but gets slammed down and put in an abdominal stretch. Arn makes the save and Horsemen manager JJ Dillon distracts the referee, allowing Anderson to DDT Windham for a very close two.

Anderson tries to hold Windham’s shoulder down for two but jumps in the air, allowing Barry to raise his knees and crotch Arn for a breather. Tully breaks up another tag attempt but gets caught by a cross body for two. They run the ropes a few times and collide, knocking both guys down to the mat. A gutwrench suplex puts Tully down again and it’s back to Anderson who misses a knee drop and gets popped with a right hand. Windham is spent though and collapses before making the tag.

Tully comes in again and hits his slingshot suplex finisher for a close two on Barry. Anderson comes in off the tag but Barry goes over to the corner and falls into the tag to Luger. Lex cleans house again and sends the champions into each other but Tully gets in a knee to the back to slow him down. Luger shrugs it off and snaps off the powerslam as everything breaks down. Dillon holds up a chair in the corner but Luger reverses a whip to send Arn head first into the steel for the pin and the titles. The crowd reaction for the pin is other worldly as the Horsemen were despised at this point.

Rating: B. This was the kind of match the show needed to make it historic as the Horsemen had held the titles for months on end and Luger was the man that needed to take them away. Barry was making the match work here before Luger came in to clean house at the end. That’s a good formula for someone like Luger and the result worked well.

Barry would turn heel and join the Horsemen soon after this and eventually become US Champion. Here he is defending at the 1988 Great American Bash.

US Title: Barry Windham vs. Dusty Rhodes

Barry is defending here and this is Dusty’s rematch after being stripped of the title for beating up Jim Crockett. Windham used to be Dusty’s friend but turned on him to join the Horsemen and take Luger’s spot so there’s heat here. Barry charges in but Dusty lifts up his elbow to scare him away. Dusty sends him to the floor quickly and Barry needs time out. Barry drops an elbow on the back of his head but Dusty pops up for a gorilla press to take over.

A DDT puts Barry down again as Rhodes controls to start us off. Rhodes hits a top rope cross body for two after the earth stops shaking. Dusty pops both Windham and JJ with elbows and the crowd explodes. The fat man was indeed popular and no one can take that away from him. Five minutes in now and Barry pounds away. I miss the NWA telling us the time gone in a match as it helps keep track of where we are and wasn’t just for time limit endings.

We go to the floor and Windham’s piledriver is reversed. Barry pounds away in the corner and we go outside again. And never mind as Dusty leans back on the rope (amazingly it doesn’t snap like a twig) to slingshot Barry out to the floor again. Barry grabs his finisher, a claw hold, after JJ interferes. We’re currently at 90 seconds of the US Champion having his finishing move on Dusty but Dusty is gyrating. Make that two minutes of nonstop claw. Dusty manages to stand up, climb the ropes (which doesn’t call for a break from Tommy Young) and signal for an elbow but Windham takes him down again.

We’re at 3 minutes straight now and Dusty hasn’t been past his knees in about two minutes of that. Imagine if Cena stayed in the cross armbreaker for three minutes. The internet would form into a missile and kill him all at once. Total time in the Claw: four minutes and five seconds before an elbow breaks it up.

Let me repeat that: the old man (Dusty is a veteran at this point and in his early 40s) just lasted over four minutes in the finishing hold of the young unstoppable US Champion who won the title with that very hold. I’ve heard of killing moves dead before but Dusty took the Claw, shot it, buried it, turned it into a chicken, plucked it, cleaned it, put it in batter and sold it to a man named Sanders.

Dusty is immediately fine and tries a Figure Four but gets caught in the Claw again. Dusty was out of the hold all of 8 seconds. This one only lasts 46 seconds as they go up to the corner again. Barry tries the superplex but Dusty shoves him off and takes out the referee. Dusty slams him off and hits the big elbow but there’s no referee. Ronnie Garvin of all people comes out and kills Dusty dead with his Hands of Stone punch finisher as he turns heel. The Claw is academic as Dusty is dead and Windham retains. Garvin would be gone in only a few months and would be in the WWF by December.

Rating: D+. That claw in the middle was just so ridiculous. I mean seriously, Dusty lasted practically 5 minutes in it overall and was just fine until a punch comes out and stops him cold? I mean how weak does the Claw look now when a right hand, the most basic move in wrestling, ends Dusty faster than five minutes of a claw? How many matches have you seen that are shorter than five minutes? Imagine a single hold lasting that long. Crazy.

We’ll jump ahead again to the 1991 Great American Bash where Windham has been thrown into the World Title match against old rival Lex Luger.

WCW World Title: Barry Windham vs. Lex Luger

In a cage if you missed that point and the title is vacant. Luger is clearly the more popular guy. Remember that. This is a short cage too as it’s maybe eight feet off the mat. The LOUD Flair chant begins again. Oh and another thing to complete the joke: Flair has the physical belt so they’re using the old Western States Title with a cheap looking plate over the part that says Western States.

The fans want Flair and we get going. They collide but no one goes anywhere. Luger hip tosses him down as we’re still in a feeling out process. They hit the ropes and Barry dropkicks him down and things slow down again. Small package gets two for Lex. He runs Barry over but the elbow misses. There are a lot of standoffs in this. Barry backdrops him down and they stare at each other some more. The camera guy looks at the fans as they chant for Flair. Nice job dude.

They go to the mat and Barry finally pops him in the face. A suplex puts Windham down and they stand off AGAIN. A figure four is broken up by Lex despite Barry not touching the leg at all yet. We’re like five minutes into the match so far and NOTHING has happened. Barry grabs a headlock and runs Luger over again. Lex grabs a sleeper but Barry counters into one of his own. Riveting stuff I tell you. Riveting.

Luger sends him into the corner to escape and this a DDT for two. That’s your biggest move so far people: a DDT. Lex goes up and gets slammed down, followed by a knee drop for two from Barry. Windham misses a top rope knee drop and Lex hits his series of clotheslines for two. There’s a powerslam and Luger puts him in the Rack but Barry kicks off the cage and backflips out in a cool counter.

A belly to back puts Luger down but he shrugs it off and loads up a superplex. That gets countered and Barry hits a top rope lariat. A regular lariat still gets no cover but a slam gets two. Barry goes up and hits a kind of flying superkick for two. Harley Race and Mr. Hughes come out for no apparent reason and Race says NOW IS THE TIME. Luger pops up and piledrives Windham for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. The problem here is that while there were two or three good minutes at the end, the first five minutes of the thirteen minute match were just dull. The heel turn at the end made NO sense and most people didn’t catch on because they popped for the pin. The match just wasn’t that good but there were good pieces to it if that makes sense. The ending sucked though and that brings it down even more. Eh screw it we’ll go with a D+. They earned it. Take that for what you will.

Another year forward as Barry is going after the Tag Team Titles in the finals of a tournament at Great American Bash 1992.

NWA World Tag Team Titles: Miracle Violence Connection vs. Dustin Rhodes/Barry Windham

The Steiners come out before the match starts and are promptly thrown out. Dr. Death (Williams) and Windham get us going. Nothing of note happens there so it’s off to Gordy. Dustin finally does something by pounding away with elbows to the head. Gordy ties him up on the mat but it’s quickly off to Windham who hooks a figure four. Once that gets broken up it’s off to Williams and they go to the mat for more grappling.

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Gordy who runs over Barry some more, getting two off a clothesline. Rhodes comes in and fights Williams over a top wristlock but Dr. Death cheats by pulling him down by the hair. Gordy comes in with the STF again, which he calls the Oriental Twist. Dustin fights up and puts on a sleeper but Gordy makes a fast tag so he doesn’t have to sell or anything.

Williams takes it right back to the mat and cranks on another chinlock. JR goes on a small rant about how tag ropes should be used more, because that’s the most interesting thing he can talk about right now. That’s not sarcasm if you couldn’t tell. Gordy comes back in and puts on a Boston Crab which is broken up by Barry. Williams hits a powerslam for two and Dustin just walks over to make the tag.

Barry speeds thing up a bit and hits a pair of suplexes for two on Williams. And never mind as he hooks a sleeper to waste even more time. Dr. Death immediately rams him into the post to break the hold and puts on a chinlock. Barry suplexes out of it but Williams blocks the tag. Williams hooks on a front facelock which fires up JR way too much. Barry collides with Gordy and suddenly I want to listen to some Motown.

Windham gets up and Williams knocks him into the corner for the tag to Dustin but he gets knocked down almost immediately. Williams puts on ANOTHER front facelock to make sure the crowd isn’t woken from their slumber early. Gordy gets two off a clothesline. The Oklahoma Stampede is broken up by a Windham dropkick but Dustin’s bulldog is broken up. Dr. Death kills Dustin with a lariat to complete what was close enough to a squash.

Rating: D. Again, this was technically sound but it was dull. The MVC dominated the vast majority of this and most of that was them on the mat with some kind of hold on Dustin or Windham. That may be what pure wrestling is, but DANG is it ever boring. Also this makes no sense, as now the MVC has all of the titles and has defeated all of their challengers, so where do they go now? Instead, COMMON SENSE would say have Windham and Rhodes (or better yet the Steiners) win here and build to a unification match, but instead let’s have Oklahoma/Japan dominate.

The jump isn’t as bad this time as we hit another World Tag Team Title match at Starrcade 1992.

Tag Titles: Barry Windham/Brian Pillman vs. Shane Douglas/Ricky Steamboat

Windham used to be tag champions with Dustin Rhodes but lost the belts to Steamboat and Douglas a few months ago. Pillman turned heel due to frustration with only being Light Heavyweight Champion and hooked up with Windham soon thereafter. A few weeks ago Barry beat the tar out of both champions with a chair so Steamboat and Douglas want revenge. Douglas and Pillman start things off as Jesse’s mind is blown hearing about Shane holding a masters degree. A right hand puts Pillman down and more of them break up Pillman’s sunset flip attempt.

Brian, tired of losing the wrestling portion of the match, rakes Shane’s eyes to take over. Shane dropkicks him to the floor as Steamboat comes in for a double dropkick on Barry. Pillman bails to the floor as the champions double backdrop Windham. Barry gets the tag and wants Steamboat all to himself. A hard chop puts Barry down and a suplex does the same. Steamboat slows Barry down with a front facelock and a snapmare before bringing Shane back in.

Douglas puts Barry in a chinlock but Windham picks Shane up and suplexes out of it. Back to Steamboat for a neck snap on Barry and a right hand to Pillman. All champions so far. A clothesline puts Barry on the floor and Steamboat slams him on the wooden floor for good measure. Barry climbs up onto the ramp so Shane slams him down again just because he’s not a nice person. Ricky backdrops Barry into the ring and gets two off a neckbreaker. Back to Shane for another chinlock as Barry is trying to survive.

Windham FINALLY gets something going with a jawbreaker on Shane, allowing for the tag off to Brian. A facejam puts Shane down but a dropkick sends Pillman out to the floor and possibly into the barricade. Back in and Shane goes up top, but a distraction by Windham allows Brian to dropkick him off the top and out to the floor. Barry adds a big lariat for good measure before coming in legally and headbutting Shane down. A boot to Shane’s chest stops his comeback bid and Brian gets in some cheating for good measure.

Brian comes back in legally and chops Douglas down but Shane comes back with some right hands of his own. Pillman trips him up though and it’s right back to Windham, who stomps on Shane and throws him through the ropes and into the barricade to keep the champions in trouble. Steamboat goes to the floor to check on his partner but also blasts Windham in the back with a chair. It’s still not enough for the tag to Ricky though as Pillman suplexes Shane down.

Barry comes in off the top with a punch to Shane’s face and a suplex for two. Ross is losing his mind over the beating that Shane is taking. A splash gets two for Brian and Steamboat charges in, allowing the challengers to double team Shane in the corner. Barry tries another suplex, but this time Douglas counters into one of his own. Shane fires off one last right hand before falling backwards into the tag to Steamboat.

The Dragon (Steamboat) cleans house with slams for both guys but he walks into a powerslam from Barry to stop the comeback cold. A belly to back suplex puts Ricky down again and it’s off to Pillman, who illegally throws Steamboat over the top to the floor. The referee missed it though due to Shane, who also causes the referee to miss Windham throwing Steamboat into the post.

Back in and Steamboat chops it out with Pillman but gets caught in a headscissors for two. Windham comes in again with a top rope forearm to Ricky’s ribs, causing Ricky to….lecture him? Steamboat points his finger in Windham’s face and says something to him which confuses Barry. Windham goes up top but misses a right hand, allowing Steamboat to hit a superkick and a facejam to put both guys down. A double tag brings in Shane vs. Pillman with Douglas cleaning house. Everything breaks down and Steamboat cross bodies Windham onto the ramp. Shane hits his belly to belly suplex in Brian for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B+. Really awesome tag match here with all four guys working very hard to make everyone look good out there. Steamboat and Douglas would hold the belts until March, when Windham had to be replaced by Steve Austin due to an injury. Austin and Pillman proved to be a better team and took the belts, leading to a string of classic rematches. This was very good stuff though and match of the night by far to this point.

Barry would get an NWA World Title shot at SuperBrawl III.

NWA Title: Barry Windham vs. Great Muta

Flair is on commentary here. He would be perfect at that job today. This is a great example of why the NWA would never get anywhere: they insisted on doing things their way and having their own champions etc. No one cared about either of these two guys so they just insisted that they get TWENTY FIVE MINUTES on a WCW PPV. Why in the world should I care about these guys? The belt was just a name anymore but the NWA insisted it was still all about them.

It’s not NWA SuperBrawl or anything like that but hey, let’s make the longest match of the night about them. There’s just one problem: this match SUCKS. It’s 25 minutes long. After a minute we hit a headlock. At 9 and a half minutes in we break that headlock. Seriously, for nearly ten minutes it was a single headlock. The commentators have to try to make this seem interesting and epic and you can tell they don’t care either.

WCW would be out of the NWA to kill the freaking thing dead in September of 93. It’s been another 12 minutes since I typed anything as there is NOTHING to talk about. Muta tries two moonsaults and gets a bad jumping DDT (I think) for his troubles to lose the title. Flair hands Windham the belt and Windham shoves him. That showdown wouldn’t come for three months so Windham could have a title reign that no one remembers or cares about I guess.

Rating: F-. This was just freaking awful. What in the world was the point to having this anyway? Oh yes: to please the almighty NWA that no one cared about. Seriously, they couldn’t just accept that they were over and they still can’t to this day. Flair got the title in June before the NWA got dumped in September. They waited A YEAR before crowning a new champion in Shane Douglas. Dude seriously, if you insist on being a big deal, wait a few weeks, not a freaking year. This was awful on so many levels.

We’ll jump WAY ahead now as Windham didn’t do jack in his WWF run. Here he is in a double match final from the Tag Team Title tournament at SuperBrawl IX.

Tag Team Titles: Curt Hennig/Barry Windham vs. Dean Malenko/Chris Benoit

This is a tournament final, but since it’s double elimination and only Hennig/Windham are undefeated, Malenko and Benoit have to win two matches in a row. If Hennig and Windham win the first fall, they win the belts. Benoit and Malenko have already won three matches this week to get here. Heenan notices a nice plot point: you have current Horsemen against former Horsemen here.

Dean chases Windham around to start before they hit the mat to fight over hammerlocks. Off to Benoit vs. Hennig as the fans are still as hot as they were earlier in the night. Tony talks about Hennig, Malenko and Windham all being second generation wrestlers. Heenan: “So is referee Mickie Jay.” Tony: “Who was his father?” Heenan: “Oh he wasn’t a wrestling referee. He umpired a peewee football league in Moline, Illinois back in the 40s.”

Hennig chops Benoit in the corner so Benoit chops him so hard that Hennig falls to the mat. They slap it out and it turns into a fight in the corner. The running clothesline puts Hennig on the floor as Tony says Benoit has never been a champion before, meaning Benoit’s TV Title wins at house shows either don’t count, or Tony wasn’t informed of them. Barry comes back in and hammers away in the corner, only to get chopped right back.

Off to Malenko who dropkicks Windham into the ropes. Barry is a good two and a half feet from Hennig but Hennig comes in anyway. The referee puts him out but Windham gets in a cheap shot to take over. That was kind of an odd sequence. Hennig comes in legally and gets nailed by Dean, allowing him to roll to the corner for a hot tag to Benoit. Chris comes in and beats up both cowboys with ease and a backbreaker gets two on Curt.

A LOUD chop has Hennig in trouble and it’s back to Malenko for some shots in the corner. Heenan wants all car races to have no brakes because he likes his wrestling fast. Benoit nails the Swan Dive but Windham breaks up the cover. Curt gets crotches on the top rope and dropkicked out to the floor but comes back in with a low blow right in front of the referee. That’s perfectly fine with the son of a Moline football league umpire and Barry comes back in for two off a gutwrench suplex.

Dean gets sent to the floor and chopped up against the barricade for two back inside. Hennig gets sent into the corner as the fans think this is boring. Benoit takes Curt’s head off with a clothesline but Barry comes in with a cheap shot to take over. The superplex gets two as Dean makes the save and it’s back to Hennig for more chops. Hennig’s running neck snap gets two but Benoit finally rolls over and tags in Dean to clean house. Barry gets caught in the Cloverleaf and Benoit stops Hennig, forcing the submission for the first fall.

Since this is basically a two fall match I’ll save the rating for after the whole thing is done. There’s a thirty second rest period between falls.

Windham has taken his belt off and chokes Dean down, which there is no reason for the referee not to see. Barry keeps choking with the belt and pulls Dean to the mat for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C-. This match is proof that WCW just does not understand what it’s doing. After the last month of putting up with this way too complicated tournament where WCW didn’t even know who was in it half the time, we sit through a long yet good match where the Horsemen win, only to have them lose the second fall a minute later because it’s double elimination. Not only was the tournament boring, but now the ending makes people mad.

Who in the world thinks Hennig and Windham deserve Tag Team Titles? They’ve teamed together for all of a few weeks and now they get the belts after the Horsemen win four matches in a week to lose the last fall in a minute? This is bad storytelling and completely missing what your audience wants. Yeah Benoit and Malenko can come back and win them later, but all the momentum and the interest is gone now. Horrible decision and just a stupid move. For WCW to think Barry Windham is more valuable than Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko in 1999 is ridiculous.

As for the match itself, it wasn’t bad but the refereeing here was atrocious. There’s a difference between relaxing the rules a bit and having referees mean as much as ECW referees. When a guy is punching the other man low right in front of the referee, something should be done. Otherwise, why bother having them there?

We’ll wrap things up with Fall Brawl 1999 as Windham and Hennig try to get their belts back.

Tag Titles: Harlem Heat vs. West Texas Rednecks

The Rednecks are Barry and Kendall Windham with Hennig in their corner. They’re country singers and that’s about it. The Windhams are legit brothers. Booker vs. Kendall to start us off and Kendall bails to avoid a spin kick. Heat double teams Kendall and it’s off to Stevie. Now Stevie won’t sell anything. Naturally this is probably going to be praised, because WCW needs more guys to no sell so their other guys look bad right?

Barry comes in to hit a DDT for no cover. How he went from being as totally awesome as he was at one point to being here now is amazing. Odd to see two pairs of brothers here. Actually it isn’t but there isn’t much to talk about here. Hennig gets in a shot to make sure that Kendall can get a two count on Stevie. Stevie gets a powerslam out of nowhere to put Barry down.

Double tag brings in Kendall and Booker with the more famous one doing what he can. Down goes Hennig and Kendall does the same a second after. The double teaming begins on the floor as Booker gets caught. Off to the chinlock on Booker by Kendall as the fans chant for the Heat. That’s better than nothing I guess. Axe kick hits but it would have been a bit better if Kendall had waited until it actually hit to go down.

Spinarooni is broken up by Barry and it’s back to the floor for Booker. More double teaming continues and it’s back in to Barry. Barry gets a middle rope superplex (his old finisher) but Stevie makes the save. If this sounds really boring, I’m getting better at this emotion thing in the writing. Kendall gets a lariat mostly to the neck for two. Booker gets his sunset flip out of the corner for two.

The heels double team a lot, as you would expect from a team with an old school guy like Barry. There’s a sleeper to Barry as this is probably on the verge of ending. Back off to Kendall who hits a weak middle rope clothesline for one. Classic old school spot as the referee misses the hot tag. Stevie beats up everyone anyway and everything breaks down. Hennig hits Ray in the head with a cowbell but the referee won’t count BECAUSE HE WAS PAYING ATTENTION!!!! WOW!!!!! Booker is still legal so the missile dropkick he hits gets the tag titles back.

Rating: D+. Match was weak but this is a fine sign of what Bischoff not being around means: the ending made perfect sense for a change and was actually kind of creative. No one cared about the match though, because we had seen it just a few weeks ago on Nitro. Nothing of note at all, as you could say about most matches tonight.

Barry Windham was one of the most talented guys in wrestling history. If he had ever put his mind to it, he could have been the next Ric Flair at the drop of a hat. He got lazy later in his career, but during the late 80s he very well may have been the best wrestler in the world. Given how deep wrestling was at that point, that’s quite the accomplishment.

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Wrestler of the Day – July 2: Jake Roberts

This one is good. Trust me. It’s Jake Roberts.

We’ll start things off in Stampede with Jake defending the North American Title against Sylvester Ritter in what might be the first ladder match in wrestling history. From July 1, 1979.

North American Heavyweight Title: Jake Roberts vs. Big Daddy Ritter

Jake is defending the promotion’s top title and this is joined in progress because it’s Stampede. In a bonus, there’s money in the bag as well so Jake can actually win something. Roberts puts the ladder (which just leans against a structure and doesn’t fold open, though there is someone helping hold it up) up and tries to climb but Ritter makes a save. They do the same sequence with the roles reversed and we’re about six minutes in according to commentary.

Ritter knocks him down again and hits a headbutt before throwing Jake into the ladder which doesn’t move at all. Jake makes a save and hits Ritter with….I think Ritter’s boot but Ritter grabs his foot to stop a climb. Ritter is sent face first into the steel but easily pulls the champion down the ladder. Big Daddy gets his boot back and lays Jake out, only to climb too slowly and get hit in the back with the boot again. Jake is sent to the apron and gets his feet tied in the ropes, allowing Ritter to climb up and win the title.

Rating: D+. You have to give them a bit of a break here as they may have literally never had anything to go off here. They actually did use the ladder as a weapon a few times so it wasn’t just there in the background. Not a good or memorable match but it’s certainly historic, which is why it’s on a WWE DVD.

We’ll jump ahead a few years to Mid-Atlantic on May 12, 1982.

Next up was Jake’s LONG feud with Ronnie Garvin. Here’s a match between them from December 1983.

TV Title: Ronnie Garvin vs. Jake Roberts

Roberts is defending and this is a special sixty minute time limit. Jake takes him down with an armbar but Garvin nails him with a forearm to the chest. Jake punches his way out of a rollup before hiding in the corner like a true villain should. Garvin cranks on an armbar of his own and we take a break.

Back with Jake making the rope and kicking at the leg to take over. He wraps it around the ropes but Garvin goes right back to the arm. They hit the mat but Garvin takes another shot to the leg to give the champion control. He pulls on Ronnie’s leg before nailing a knee crusher. Back to the leg lock but Garvin starts cranking on Jake’s foot to break the hold. Jake lets go and Ronnie hammers away, sending Roberts out to the apron.

We take a break and come back with Garvin backdropping Jake for two. Back up and Roberts elbows Garvin in the corner and getting two of his own off a belly to back suplex. Some knees to the ribs have Garvin in trouble but he fights back with a series of punches. In a pretty weak ending, Jake slams him down and his manager Paul Ellering holds Garvin’s foot for the pin.

Rating: D+. These teams feuded for the better part of ever and the story was much more interesting than the matches. Garvin was a guy that got over because of being the common man that never stopped fighting and Roberts was awesome at holding the title over his head, even making Garvin mortgage his house for a title shot. Not a great match though.

Here’s a match from Mid-South in I believe 1984. You’ve probably heard of the names.

Jake Roberts/Steve Williams vs. Shawn Michaels/Private Terry Daniels

Williams puts Shawn in a headlock to start before we hit the crisscross. Shawn gets two off an O’Connor Roll before everything we get a four man standoff. Off to Roberts and Daniels with Terry running Jake over with a shoulder. Jake comes right back with a clothesline before Williams comes in to keep up the beating. Terry finally rolls over for the hot tag to Shawn but Williams blocks a monkey flip. The DDT ends Shawn a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Total squash here with some big names in there for a change. Shawn would of course get a lot better in the future but the match here wasn’t much to see. Daniels would become a very low level name in the WWF a few years later and I think you know the rest of the guys.

Jake would head to the WWF in 1986 and have one of his first major matches at Wrestlemania II.

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

Wells is a former football player who never did another thing of note in wrestling other than be in this match. Jake is brand new at this point and is promptly run over and backdropped down in the first ten seconds. A flying shoulder takes Jake down and there’s a headbutt for good measure. Wells hits a decent flying headscissors followed by a slam for no cover. A knee lift has Jake draped in the ropes and a powerslam gets two. Roberts comes back with a poke to the eyes and a knee lift followed by the DDT for the fast pin. This was pretty much domination until the last ten seconds.

Roberts’ first big feud in the WWF was against Ricky Steamboat. The two would meet in a Snakepit match at the Big Event.

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is a Snakepit Match meaning anything goes. Roberts had DDTed Steamboat on the floor at a SNME and nearly killed him to ignite this feud which was the second biggest of the summer. Dragon had busted out a Komodo Dragon to counter Damien but neither are here tonight due to customs issues. The two commentators that talk say that the Canadian flag has an oak leaf on it.

Dragon dominates until we hit the floor where Jake takes over after a low blow. Steamboat gets a few chair shots in and that just was weird to type. Dragon just beats the tar out of him for awhile but gets reversed and goes over the top to the floor. Valiant thinks Roberts is a champion for some reason. Roberts is one of those guys that was supposed to be a heel but more or less became a face through just pure fan support.

Dragon starts bleeding after going into the post but fights out of the DDT. Jake is dominating now and getting face pops for it. And then he sits on Dragon’s chest and holds his arm up and you know the rest. They would have another match in a few weeks on SNME with the animals that I reviewed last night to close out the feud.

Rating: B. This was a very intense match. Street fights and the like simply didn’t happen in this era so this was insane at the time. Both guys were great workers so this worked out very well. Steamboat was about to have his throat messed up by Savage and you know the aftermath of that.

Jake would turn face after this and take part in a pretty well known match at Wrestlemania III.

Honky Tonk Man vs. Jake Roberts

This is one of the matches that is there to give us a breather between the masterpiece and the main event. Jake pounds away to start and hits a knee lift to send Honky out to the floor. Honky still can’t get his ring suit off so Jake rips it off for him. Jake follows him to the floor and slams Honky down before heading back inside. Back in and Jake charges into a knee to the face to shift momentum.

Honky drops a pair of knees to Jake’s back but misses a punch and walks into the short clothesline. The grease in Honky’s hair allows him to escape the DDT and we head outside again. Jake is sent into the post and the barricade so Honky can dance a bit. Back in and a middle rope punch puts Jake in even more trouble. There’s a knee drop to the Snake and a pair of elbows for no cover.

The Shake Rattle and Roll (swinging neckbreaker) is countered by Jake and there’s an atomic drop for the eternally funny selling by Honky. Jake punches him to the apron and Honky gets caught in between the ropes, meaning he bounces back up every time Jake punches him. The DDT is countered again and after a Jimmy interference, Honky grabs a rollup and the top rope for the upset pin.

Rating: C. You could see the Honky Tonk Man character coming on here as Jake was way better but got cheated at the end. Honky would ride that one idea for the next year and a half, drawing WAY more money and heat than he had any right to earn. Jake would feud with various heels for the next few months while being one of the many challengers to chase Honky. He finally got with Rick Rude for an awesome string of matches.

Here’s a match from Saturday Night’s Main Event XIV.

Jake Roberts vs. Sika

Sika is a former Wild Samoan who apparently likes sandwiches. Ok then. Something tells me this is going to be short. Jake was one of the hottest things in wrestling at this time so this should be nothing short of a squash. Sika looks a good bit like Umaga. It’s actually Sika in control here.

That’s the beauty of the DDT. It can change things so fast and get Jake the win. That’s very rare indeed. I hate the nerve hold. I truly do. After Fuji interferes, Jake wins with a rollup actually instead of the DDT. Most interesting. Fuji takes the DDT to get the crowd very happy. Vince calls Fuji a fat walrus. That’s hilarious.

Rating: D. Not much here as it was too short to be anything of note but too long to be unrateable. Jake was clearly going to go over here and I like him not winning with the DDT as it makes you think he’s even more dangerous. Sika was a good choice for a monster who could get beaten down by someone like Roberts.

Roberts would next feud with Rick Rude after Rude tried to kiss Jake’s wife Cheryl as part of a gimmick he was doing at the time. From Wrestlefest 1988.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Rude

This is more fallout over the Cheryl Roberts kiss that didn’t happen thing which was a big time angle back in the day and was incredibly well received. Naturally the fans pop very well for this so they got that part right for sure. Jake comes running out and beats up Rude to start us off very fast. Why do we keep getting shots of Rude’s tights going down? Is there a strange fetish thing going on there?

Something tells me this is going to be long. They had a 15 minute draw at Mania so they’ll likely do something similar this time around. We hit the chinlock and something tells me we’re going to be here for a good while. I’m glad I was wrong there. Rude kicks him in the balls and no one seems to care. We hit the chinlock again to kill more time. This is going to last awhile.

How can someone live for that long with an arm around their neck like that? I just ask because Jake has been in this for about three minutes so far and is still alive. The announcers try as hard as they can to make this interesting and just can’t do it. The hold is broken and Jake gets knocked to the floor just to continue this torture. Rude gets crotched on the top rope and Jake makes his comeback.

The camera work in this match is making my head hurt. They’re doing FAR too many closeups. Jake goes for the DDT but Rude shoves the referee down so that he lands on him, cushioning the blow. I keep forgetting how tall Jake is. The referee is back up and Rude is leaving. Jake follows and say it with me: DOUBLE COUNT OUT. I watched 17 minutes for that finish. I hate my life. The snake gets on Rude post match and wraps around his throat in a cool visual.

Rating: D. This was just BORING. They fought that long and nothing of note happened. It was just bland filler that never went anywhere at all. These two had a white hot feud and yet nothing ever came of it. Also Rude pulling the referee down isn’t a DQ? This was just bad and really brings the show down.

Jake would have the second biggest match at Wrestlemania V as part of his long feud with Wrestlemania V.

Andre the Giant vs. Jake Roberts

Big John Studd is referee and comes out to what would become Jim Duggan’s music. This was supposed to set up Andre vs. Studd but Studd left before it went anywhere. Sometime before the match, Andre and Heenan get the turnbuckle pad off and Jake goes face first into the steel. Ventura and Gorilla talk about David vs. Goliath (Jesse: “He used a foreign object.”) as Jake reaches for the snake bag. That goes nowhere so Studd crushes him in the corner.

Andre looks so different than he did two years ago. In Detroit he looked like a killing machine but here he looks like a lumbering oaf. Giant steps on Jake a few times but Roberts comes back with some strikes. He knocks Andre into the ropes and chokes away, only to see Andre get his arm loose and choke Jake right back.

In a moment that I’ve never seen explained, Andre fires some shoulders into Jake in the corner, only to stagger backwards. I’m guessing Jake was supposed to knee him (the announcers suggested he did) but Jake’s legs never moved. Either way, Roberts pounds away a bit before being knocked to the floor. Studd and Andre get in a shoving match as Ted DiBiase runs out to steal the snake. Andre chokes Studd until Jake chases DiBiase down and gets the snake back. He slides Damien in and the giant runs from the smaller referee giant, giving Jake the DQ win.

Rating: D. ANOTHER match that didn’t go anywhere here as it was hard to buy Jake as being a threat to Andre while at the same time it was hard to be intimidated by the Giant due to how old and banged up he was. Nothing match here which was supposed to set up Andre vs. Studd, but instead Studd retired so Andre got a tag title reign instead.

Let’s combine a few feuds with this match from June 2, 1989.

Jim Duggan/Jake Roberts vs. Rick Rude/Andre the Giant

It’s in 89 so this isn’t going to be pretty from Andre’s perspective. This is from a Wrestling Challenge taping which would be equal to Superstars today. Andre chokes on Duggan to start which was the majority of his offense at this point. Rude looks odd in blue. A middle rope punch misses and here’s Jake. Andre is tied in the ropes and Rude is used as a battering ram/spear.

The heels take over once Andre is freed. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be an incredibly innovative match. Rude works on a chinlock which Jake seemingly was always in. Rude goes up and is crotched, providing us with by far the funniest moment on this tape. He and Honky had the funniest sells of that spot as anyone ever. Andre comes in and does the crush in the corner spot.

Jake escapes one of them and it’s the hot tag to Duggan, who is in black boots for some reason. Could this be a heel foreshadowing? Nah, only an idiot would do that. I mean what could you do anyway, make him a Canadian sympathizer or something? What a stupid idea. Anyway Duggan gets taken down by Rude and Andre won’t tag back in for some reason. Rude, who enjoys having his head attached, doesn’t argue.

There’s the hip swivel which Hayes doesn’t approve of. Duggan fights back and they collide, putting both guys down. Rude goes to the wrong corner and Jake knocks him back down. Andre chops Duggan down to make sure everything is fair. There’s the hot tag to Jake anyway as Duggan more or less no sells Andre’s chop. Roberts sets for the DDT but Andre breaks it up. Everything breaks down and Duggan whacks Rude in the ribs with the board so Jake can get the pin.

Rating: C-. Not terrible but pretty meh overall. I still like the idea of having two feuds in a single match like this and it usually works pretty well. Not a great match or anything but for a house show, this was fine. A DDT would have pulled things up a little bit because it was the most popular move on the planet at the time.

We’ll jump ahead a bit and skip a feud with Ted DiBiase to get to a match at Summerslam 1990 over which was over a snake vs. rats.

Jake Roberts vs. Bad News Brown

Big Bossman is guest referee for no apparent reason. Brown jumps Jake before Bossman is in the ring but has to bail out of a DDT attempt. Back in and Bad News tosses Jake down and gets two off a legdrop. Jake tries the DDT a second time but Brown bails to the floor again. Roberts follows him out and gets hit in the ribs with a chair which isn’t a DQ for some reason. Back in and Bad News pounds away as Piper asks if Vince has ever smelled Brown. Jake avoids a middle rope elbow and hits the short clothesline but Brown backdrops out of the DDT. Another chair shot to Jake is good for the lame DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and I’m still not sure why Boss Man was in here at all. Jake and Brown didn’t do anything else after this and Brown didn’t go after Boss Man after the feud, so I guess he was there as an enforcer for reasons not important enough to explain. The match was just ok.

Jake would then get blinded by Rick Martel, leading to a blindfold match at Wrestlemania VII.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

In short, they’re both in hoods and neither guy can see. So the match starts and both guys point across the ring while trying to find where the other is. Martel gets down on the mat and crawls around, only to give us some stupid comedy spots with both guys tripping over the other. Rick tries a backdrop but Jake runs off to the side, showing that he can clearly see if you’re thinking about this.

They miss each other in the corner a few times until Martel finally grabs him for a slam, only to miss an elbow drop. Martel gets the referee in the corner, only to realize he’s grabbing a shirt. Jake uses the crowd for help by pointing and listening to the crowd cheer as he points at Martel. This continues on for awhile until Martel nearly grabs the snake bag.

The announcers continue a running joke where they can’t hear each other which isn’t funny. Jake gets knocked to the floor so Martel follows. He grabs a chair and pokes around with it but only hits the post. Back in and Martel takes Jake down and hooks the Boston Crab, only to have it broken quickly. Roberts grabs the DDT a second later for the pin.

Rating: F. This wasn’t wrestling. It was a stupid idea with both guys wandering around and making no contact for about seven and a half minutes before both guys hit their finishers. Thankfully this feud was done after this as I don’t think the fans could stand any more of it. Oh and on top of that, Martel didn’t cheat once by looking under the mask. Nice heel work there.

Then Roberts would turn all evil and going after Randy Savage. This led to Savage coming out of retirement and a showdown between the two of them at This Tuesday In Texas. I’ll throw in the awesome post match stuff as well.

Jake Roberts vs. Randy Savage

Savage jumps Jake in the aisle and we’re off. The crowd isn’t cheering so much as roaring. I mean they’re hardcore here. The thing is it’s kind of hard to take Savage seriously here as he’s got a feather on his hat that’s at the very least a foot and a half tall. That’s just freaking huge. Ok good it’s gone now. As for why this feud is happening, Savage had gotten married but Jake wasn’t invited to the bachelor party because he was a heel. Well if nothing else that’s creative.

That led to Savage coming out of retirement to fight him, but one day on I think Superstars, Jake beat down Savage and put his (devenomized) cobra onto Savage’s arm, but it held on too long and the bite was worse than expected. Jake also shoved Liz, which made him the biggest heel in forever. They were supposed to be opposing captains in the Survivor Series main event but due to the cobra attack, Savage was deemed too hurt to fight so we got this instead.

Jake goes kind of low to break the momentum. Savage’s arm is screwed up because of the snake bite injury too. In a nice little touch, Jake rips the bandage off of the arm and there’s blood under the tape. His arm was fine, but they thought about it here enough to make it look like he’s injured worse than he really is. Since the arm is so hurt Roberts is beating the heck out of Savage. Just as I say that, Savage gets a quick shot in and within 30 seconds he gets Jake down and hits the elbow for the win in a match that felt like it had 3 minutes cut out.

Rating: C+. The match is a fast paced mess but the angle is just completely awesome. The problem was there was never the big match that these guys so desperately needed where Savage could destroy Jake with like 5 elbows or something because Flair came in and changed everything around.

Now we get to the important part though. Savage gets the bell but the referee stops him, allowing Jake to get a quick DDT. Savage is down but Jake is still hurt too so Savage actually beats him to his feet. A second DDT puts Savage out cold though and Jake is up now. After faking leaving, Jake comes back and goes under the ring to pull out a little bag. This doesn’t sound like much but it’s an absolutely INSANE reaction for every tiny movement.

Liz comes running down and is FREAKING on Roberts. Jake is feeding on her fears here and it’s amazing stuff. Savage kind of gets up and he takes an unprecedented third DDT. No one had ever taken more than one before this so that was completely insane. He puts the cobra handler glove on and Liz just completely loses it. Jake slips the glove off and says that Liz better beg if she wants to save him.

They stand up and Jake secures his place in the 7th circle of BY PUNCHING LIZ. Jack Tunney comes out to glare at Jake and suspend him for having a snake with him until he points out there was no snake in the bag, which confuses Tunney to no end, which is impressive for him as asking his name confuses him more than likely.

In the back, Jake says that when he hit Liz, it was the best feeling he’s ever had and he would pay to be able to do that again. He ends it by saying that Savage can come back again, but to bring his wife again because Jake can make her into something even he would want. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but this was one of the best heel promos I’ve ever seen in my life.

This led to a match with the now face Undertaker at Wrestlemania VIII.

Jake Roberts vs. Undertaker

A right hand to the face has no effect on Taker so Jake pounds away so more. Heenan is already freaking out about how Taker can’t be hurt as is his custom. Jake knocks him to the floor but Undertaker lands on his feet. Roberts is pulled to the floor as well and rammed into the post to give the dead man control. Heenan cracks jokes and says he thinks he has two brilliant minds. Gorilla: “I’m in big trouble.”

As Heenan talks about Bearer earning the Urn, Taker chokes away in the corner and pounds on Jake for a bit. An elbow drop keeps Jake down and there’s the jumping clothesline for good measure. Out of NOWHERE, Jake hits the DDT to put Taker down but he sits up a few seconds later and grabs Jake by the throat. A second DDT puts Taker down again but Jake goes after Bearer instead. There’s the sit up and Undertaker follows Jake outside, hitting a tombstone on the FLOOR to end Jake and make Undertaker 2-0.

Rating: C-. The problem with these early Wrestlemania matches for Undertaker is that they didn’t have a ton of story or drama to them. Jake was in his last match for the company here before he went to WCW for a cup of coffee, so he didn’t seem to be giving it his all out there. The kicking out of the DDTs was impressive as was the Tombstone, but that’s about it.

Jake would head to WCW soon after this and have one major match at Halloween Havoc 1992.

Sting vs. Jake Roberts

Coal Miner’s Glove match, which means there’s a loaded glove on a pole. Jake uses some VERY generic rock music which would later be used by Big Bubba and had previously been used by Austin. This is non-sanctioned and Sting is just MAD over. The story here is Roberts jumped him and laid Sting out so this is revenge. Sting controls early as Roberts stalls. Sting misses a dropkick and Jake goes after the back.

They go to the floor and Jake’s arm goes into the post. Sting goes for the glove (which is about 12 feet above the ring) but Jake makes the save and hits a suplex. Jake sends him to the floor but his attempt at getting the glove results in him being crotched. Sting works on the injured arm for a bit and they head outside again. Jake hits him in the back with a chair and chokes with tape back in the ring.

This match really isn’t working either as they’re basically having a regular match, albeit very rushed. That doesn’t make me think this is a blood feud or all about revenge or anything close to it really. Jake misses a running knee lift but the Stinger Splash misses too. Jake uses the bad arm for the DDT but Sting comes as close to no selling as you can while still selling. Sting does a cool move where he swings around the pole to knock Jack down. Cactus runs out with Jake’s cobra as Sting gets the glove. Sting knocks the snake onto Jake’s face where it “bites” him, allowing Sting to get the win.

Rating: F. As I said, the glove meant nothing here as it had to be the dumbest possible gimmick they could have gone with. Jake would basically be gone after this and wouldn’t be seen in mainstream American wrestling again until 1996. This was absolutely awful though and the ending was so stupid that I can’t really believe I saw it. Keep this in mind when you’re at work: someone was paid to think of this idea. To give you an idea of how REAL that bite is, Jake pulls the snake away, looks at it, and puts it right back to where it was “biting” him. That’s like something out of a parody of a bad horror movie. Jake is “poisoned”.

Jake would head to Smoky Mountain Wrestling soon after this and win the Heavyweight Title. Here’s a match from May 21, 1994.

SMW Heavyweight Title: Jake Roberts vs. Dirty White Boy

This is the main event from Volunteer Slam. Joined in progress again as Roberts goes after the eye. Jake toys with him now as he lays on the mat and kind of stares at White Boy. They go to the floor and White Boy rams the arm into the post a few times. We’re told this is 15 minutes in. They go back in but Roberts tosses him out again. That doesn’t work as White Boy grabs the arm.

Roberts pulls the referee into a shot and Mark Curtis is down. Jake takes the tape off his wrist and ties him to the ropes. Jake’s bag is brought in and I think a fan runs in so Jake clotheslines him. Dirty White Girl tries to make the save but Jake shoves her down and eventually DDTs her. The match has been stopped pretty much. He goes to put the snake on her but the locker room makes the save. Not enough to rate but the match looked like a typical match from a territory with no ending. Think Memphis.

Jake would head back to the WWF in 1996 and make it to the finals of the 1996 King of the Ring.

King of the Ring Finals: Steve Austin vs. Jake Roberts

The IWC explodes as Pillman and Austin pass each other in the aisle and pause for a second. Good night they were a great team in the time they had. Austin apparently went to the emergency room to fix his tongue. I think that’s legit actually. Jake’s music is just made of awesome. Austin jumps him to the shock of no one. This is all Austin as Roberts is barely even able to move let alone fight.

Here’s his token comeback as it’s fairly obvious that Austin is winning here. Vince says Austin is being a coward for attacking the injured ribs. Owen says Austin is smart to do so, which at least makes sense. Monsoon is out here now and Vince is more or less saying Austin doesn’t deserve to win. It’s not his fault that Vader beat up Roberts.

With Monsoon checking on Roberts it lets him breathe a bit and he beats on Austin for a bit but Austin counters with corner shoulder blocks of all things. Geez Austin was a different kind of wrestler back then. Austin hits the academic stunner to get the win and the crown.

Rating: N/A. It was 4 and a half minutes which includes Monsoon coming down.

His main feud in this run was against Jerry Lawler, including this match at Summerslam 1996.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Before the match we have the debut of a new Olympian who will be getting in the ring soon: Mark Henry. Lawler brings his own bag with him along with something in his pocket. He’s also wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey (the beloved Cleveland Browns had recently moved to Baltimore and become the Ravens) because Lawler knows how to rile up a crowd like few others ever could. Henry thinks it’s hilarious despite being a face.

Lawler pulls out two bottles of Jim Beam to be Roberts’ partners tonight and says Roberts’ wife only looks good after a six pack. Henry is so stupid that if he won a gold medal he’d have it bronzed. Once Roberts uses his bar stool as a walker to get out here, Lawler is going to knock him sideways so everyone can recognize him. It’s very impressive how easily Lawler can have a crowd eating out of the palm of his hand like this.

Roberts finally comes out so Lawler pulls a huge bottle of booze from the bag. Jake pulls the snake out of his own bag to scare Lawler to the floor and the bell finally rings. Lawler looks for a microphone but Jake sends him face first into the steps and hammers away back inside. Back to the floor with Lawler being sent into various hard objects until he steals a drink from a fan to blind Jake. Henry: “So what is the fan going to drink?” Lawler gets one of the bottles from ringside but has to block a DDT attempt. Another DDT is countered and Jerry hits him in the throat with the bottle for the pin.

Rating: D. This was much more of an angle than a match with Lawler giving a great lesson in how to fire up a crowd. Roberts wouldn’t be around much longer before heading to ECW and the indies. This would lead to Henry’s first mini feud against Lawler which started got his career going in slow motion.

We’ll wrap it up with a match from 2002 at the World Wrestling Legends reunion show.

Kamala vs. Jake Roberts

Oh dear. This needs to be very careful. I’m having flashbacks to Heroes of Wrestling. Jake’s eyes are squinting, he’s hunched over, he’s in an undershirt, he’s almost bald and his shirt is all stained. Thank goodness he’s fine. Kamala has a Kim Chee knockoff named Friday here. Jake crosses his heart to the referee that he won’t do anything wrong. Probably more like he solemnly swears he is up to no good.

Jim: Friday wishes it was Thursday. Somehow that makes sense. Nothing of note at all as they’ve barely made contact. Jim makes various jokes to crack up the other two guys. The fans are all behind Jake here of course. Those racists. They finally make contact with Jake landing some punches. We hear about Kamala’s musical career which kind of kills the whole mystique of him but that kind of happened when he became a trained wrestler I think.

Kamala takes over with his awesome offense of chops and choking. We get a Missing Link and Jack Brisco comparison which for those of you that don’t know, is like comparing Shawn Michaels to Santino. Long nerve hold here that gets us as far as any other nerve hold would get us. This one is special though as Kamala is grabbing Jake under the arm. Did I mention these matches aren’t very good at all?

He hits the splash which goes nowhere of course. Did he ever beat a non jobber with that EVER? Friday steals the snake bag and Kamala tries to splash it, which would have worked had his stomach and not his thighs been the part that would have hit it. DDT to Friday and there’s the snake. Thankfully the reptile and not the anatomical one this time. Apparently Jake wins by DQ.

Rating: D. Yeah this was of course bad but the fans were way into it so there’s that going for it. Jake was at least coherent here and while fat and out of shape we got a DDT at least which the fans popped hard for. Jake is old but he still has his old characteristics working for him here. Decent match all things considered. Kamala is exactly the same.

Jake Roberts has long been recognized as a master of psychology. This covers a lot of different things. First of all, it was stuff like the slithering into the ring and the mind games he would play when talking. Having a snake around all the time is just freaky and messes with people’s minds. He was clearly a thinking wrestler rather than just someone who came in and had his match. That’s far more interesting than a lot of guys and it made him a lot more fun to watch. Oh and the DDT is pretty awesome.

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Wrestler of the Day – June 26: Terry Funk

Today we’re looking at a legend: Terry Funk.

Now obviously Funk has wrestled for a LONG time so there are going to be some big gaps in time as a lot of his stuff wasn’t filmed.

Funk got his start in 1965 but obviously a lot of that early stuff is almost impossible to find in full. Instead we’ll jump WAY ahead to September 11, 1982 at an All Japan show.

Terry Funk vs. Stan Hansen

It’s a brawl to start as you would expect with Hansen hammering away, only to have Funk come back with those big left hands of his. They’re on the floor less than a minute in but Stan gets inside while Terry sits on the concrete. Back in and Hansen slams Funk, sending him right back to the floor. Some knees and kicks to the back of Funk’s head have him in even more trouble and he goes outside again. This time Stan follows him and hammers away before Funk scores with some elbows to the head back inside.

They grapple on the mat a bit and the fans are into it, though I have no idea who they’re cheering for. Terry chops away from the mat before nailing a belly to back suplex. Funk pounds Hansen in the head but Stan seems to like it and comes back with right hands of his own. We hit a chinlock from Hansen followed by a suplex for two.

Funk is thrown to the floor where he gets a chair, only to draw Stan outside to make it a real brawl. They head back inside and Funk is ticked off. He sends Hansen into the referee and a second referee takes a lariat from Stan. Someone who looks like Ron Bass runs in to hold Funk for the lariat as the match is thrown out.

Rating: C+. Not a bad brawl here and the feud would continue until Funk’s first retirement match the next year when he brought in his brother to help him fight. This was WAY different than what you were going to get around this time as hardcore and violence was a very rare thing to see. Fun but not great stuff.

Funk would head to the WWF and go after Hulk Hogan’s WWF Title in 1986. Here they are on Saturday Night’s Main Event #4.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Terry Funk

Hogan is in blue here as I think this was on the SNME DVD. Yeah it was. They botch an Irish Whip reversal sequence early in the match but it comes off ok I guess. It’s weird seeing Hogan in there with Funk. That’s just an odd combination if there ever was one. JYD keeps annoying Jimmy Hart.

Hart manages Funk in case you didn’t get that idea. We get a nice segment where Funk keeps dropping down and Hogan keeps stepping on his back. Simple but effective. Funk throws chairs, nothing comes of it. Crowd LOVES Hogan to put it mildly. We get a low blow which wasn’t a common move back in the day. And just as I say that he gets crotched on the top rope. Funk gets some tape and chokes Hogan to take over.

Piledriver gets two. GO TO MEMPHIS! You’d be champion for 3 months since Hogan would be in the hospital that long. And now all of a sudden Hogan can’t feel pain. Oddly enough Hart gets a shot in with the branding iron to get a cover for Funk. Naturally Hogan gets his foot on the rope and Funk thinks he’s won. I guess even legends can be idiots like that. Hogan waits on him and takes his head off with a lariat for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing classic at all, but for a free TV title defense, this was fine. Hogan vs. anything that weighed less than 300lbs is always interesting and Funk being certifiable helped a lot as it made things far more interesting.

And a follow up from a house show in Boston on March 8, 1986.

Terry Funk/Hoss Funk vs. Hulk Hogan/Junkyard Dog

Hoss is Dory Jr. Terry gets in Gorilla’s face to start and the sunglasses come off. Terry has to be held back from going after a fan in the front row. JYD chokes Hoss and Hogan beats on Terry as GORILLA CURSES!!!! I feel so dirty now. Terry vs. JYD to start us off. Funk rams into the shoulder and tries to ram his head into JYD’s. Dog is lie boy…..just no. Off to Dory and we get an old school crisscross. JYD stops and Dory keeps running. Terry comes in and runs also as Dog just watches them. Funny stuff.

Off to Hogan vs. Dory with Hogan having bad ribs thanks to Bundy at the moment. Terry tries to interfere and takes out a cameraman in the process. I love the visuals in those. Now Terry is tangled up in the cables at ringside and falls down. He’s NUTS here. Hogan slams them both and the Funks hit the floor again. The fans LOVE Hulk to say the least. Even off basic slams he has them losing their minds.

Terry manages to send Hulk into the steps and gets a shot to the ribs to take over. He hammers away in the ring and that gets him nowhere. Off to the Dog who would usually play Ricky Morton but that formula hadn’t been invented yet. Dog gets beaten on for awhile until he gets an AWFUL belly to back to Terry to escape. Hogan comes in and another shot to the ribs has him in trouble.

Hogan gets choked by some tape and the referee misses the tag to the dog. Jimmy gets pulled into the ring so Terry chokes JYD with a rope. Hogan gets a clothesline out of nowhere to pin Terry, the illegal man, with. At least this is finally over. The show I mean. Well the match also but you get the point.

Rating: D+. Just a main event tag match that wasn’t very good as the tag team formula hadn’t been established yet. Not awful but their match on SNME was so far and away ahead of this that it wasn’t even funny. Also, is there any reason why Bundy wasn’t involved in this? If there is I certainly don’t get it. Tito would substitute for Hogan at Mania in the same tag match which was WAY better.

After a brief retirement and a career as an announcer, Funk would ask Ric Flair for a title shot at WrestleWar 1989. Flair said no and Funk snapped, brutally attacking Flari. Terry was told that he had to beat a contender to get a shot and he had that match at Clash of the Champions #7.

Terry Funk vs. Ricky Steamboat

The story here is Terry Funk is only ranked #10 in the contenders rankings and has to beat the #1 contender Steamboat to earn the title match he wants. They fight up against the ropes to start until Funk takes him into the corner for some hard chops. Steamboat chops him right back and we have an early standoff. Funk tries to speed things up a bit but gets chopped down to the floor.

Back in and Terry slugs away before throwing Steamboat through the ropes. Steamboat is fine with chopping on the floor but sends Funk back inside, only to be taken to the mat and pummeled with right hands. A neckbreaker and splash to the back get two for Terry but Steamboat fights back and sends him right back to the floor. Ricky comes off the top with a chop to the head before carrying Funk around ringside for a slam. Steamboat takes him back inside, only to slam Terry right back to the floor. Why that’s not a DQ for throwing someone over the top isn’t explained.

Terry comes back inside and hammers away with right hands and chops. A piledriver gets two but Steamboat pops up and chops Terry’s skin off. He runs into the referee by mistake though and Funk throws him back outside again. A running piledriver on the floor and a suplex back inside gets a VERY close two and Funk is ticked off. He hammers away at Steamboat’s head but his top rope splash hits knees. Steamboat hits a gutbuster and goes up for a chop to the head. Terry rolls to the floor and grabs the microphone to blast Ricky in the head for the DQ.

Rating: B+. You have one of the best heroes of all time against one of the best villains of all time when both guys were at one of the highest peaks of their careers. There was no way this match wasn’t going to be at least very good. Terry winning by DQ makes sense given his insanity, as you knew the rankings weren’t going to stop Funk from getting a shot at the title somewhere down the line.

The feud with Flair would continue at Halloween Havoc 1989 with some talented partners.

Sting/Ric Flair vs. Great Muta/Terry Funk

This is the Thunderdome Cage Match. It’s an electrified cage and Bruno Sammartino is refereeing. You know he gets a big pop in the northeast. This is a combination of two feuds: Sting vs. Muta and Flair vs. Funk. The latter was the top feud of the summer with the former just a step behind. When it’s likely that Sting is the worst wrestler in a match, you know you’ve got some talent in the ring. You win by having your opponent’s team throwing in a towel and it’s Ole Anderson and Gary Hart as the towel bearers.

This isn’t a regular cage but rather a Cell type one. There’s no roof but it slants in and that’s the electrified part so no one is getting in or out. Funk tries to escape because he’s a little nuts. Something catches on fire so Muta spits Green Mist to put it out. Ok so it’s Flair vs. Funk to get us going. Flair chops away and Funk is in trouble early. Everyone comes in and Muta goes after Bruno which doesn’t work at all.

Flair throws Funk to the floor which isn’t a DQ because it’s a cage of course. Off to Sting who takes it to the space between the ring and the cage. Back to the Flair who slams Funk down and rolls forward, slapping Muta in the process. Awesome. Sting comes in with a perfect dropkick and the announcers blast Ultimate Warrior (Sting’s old partner). Off to Muta who is thrown back into Funk with ease. Muta is undefeated and I think TV Champion at this point. JR’s next sentence: “Suplex by Sting on the undefeated television champion of the world.” Thanks JR.

Sting and Flair have dominated so far. Everything breaks down and they head out to the floor. Muta and Sting wind up in the ring with the Great One taking over for the first time. Funk stomps on Sting outside and I think the tagging part is gone. Muta and Funk double team Sting in the ring with a bunch of elbow drops but Flair comes back in for the save. Muta misses a high kick and Sting bulldogs him down.

Funk takes one as well and Flair is standing on the apron again. He comes in to break up a double team though and climbs the cage with Funk. Sting suplexes Muta and now everyone but Funk is climbing. Muta goes up high enough that his feet are above the top rope. He might have gotten electrocuted also. Flair chops Funk so hard that Funk starts climbing the cage.

Flair chases Funk and in a SCARY spot, Funk is hanging from the top of the cage while Flair chops him. Funk’s knee is caught in the cage as Sting slams Muta. Everyone but Funk is back in the ring now and Muta is tossed out. Muta goes under the ring as Funk climbs up again. Sting goes after him as Flair puts the Figure Four on Muta. Is there any need for Bruno in this match?

For no apparent reason, Flair lets the hold go. There was no Funk or anything anywhere near him and he just let it go. Muta gets a HARD kick to Flair as Sting swings on a rope like Tarzan but crotches himself in the process. Muta hooks a modified Indian Deathlock on Flair and hooks a bridging neck crank at the same time. Funk tied Sting to the cage and goes in to spike piledrive Flair.

Sting finally gets loose, climbs even high and DIVES onto Funk. He would have been three feet above the top rope for that. Muta climbs up and Funk has a bad leg. You can feel Flair smiling from here. There’s the knee crusher as Sting goes after Muta. Muta goes for the moonsault but Sting crotches him. Figure Four to Funk and Sting splashes him from the top. There’s a second splash and Bruno clocks Muta. Ole punches Hart which sends the towel flying and that’s good enough for Bruno to call for the bell.

Rating: B. It’s good but it’s definitely not a classic. With Muta and Funk climbing the cage for absolutely no apparent reason and having no point for Bruno being in there, it’s kind of a puzzling match. It’s not bad but at the end of the day, there’s not much of a point to a lot of this. Fun match and it gets awesome at times, but it’s not something worth going out of your way to see.

That would be it for Funk in America for a few years. Funk would join the upstart Eastern Championship Wrestling and appear at one of its first big events: Ultra Clash 1993.

Abdullah the Butcher/Kevin Sullivan vs. Terry Funk/Stan Hansen

This is more or less anything goes. Terry goes up the scaffold. It’s a Bunkhouse Match, which was Dusty’s idea of anything goes. No story here it appears but rather just four crazy guys that can fight. Chairs are brought in and it’s Sullivan vs. Funk and the other two fight also. Ok never mind no they don’t. Abdullah throws photographers out of the way to get to Funk. Joey is LOVING this.

They trade off we actually get to the ring. Sullivan and Funk go up the scaffold as I realize how weird it is to see Hansen in America. It’s just not something you see that often. Funk is busted open. Naturally there’s no flow or anything like that and it’s just a wild brawl. Funk gets a chair and blasts everyone with it. Abdullah can barely move but that’s typical for him and not meant as a knock to him.

I’m pretty sure everyone is bleeding now and Sullivan blasts Funk in the head with a hammer. Ok that was insane. That’s beyond FREAKING OW MAN. Abdullah accidently hits Sullivan and Funk goes for a Figure Four on him of all things. Someone with a chair comes in and we actually get a freaking DQ. It’s Eddie Gilbert. Dang I thought he was gone. Funk and Hansen win.

Rating: B+. Totally wild brawl but the DQ ending killed it. This was exactly what it was supposed to be: totally violent with no semblance of order or anything like it. This is the life’s blood of ECW and something tells me this is a Heyman thing. The bunch of run ins after the match ended are practically a trademark of his.

The next year, Funk would be involved in the match that put ECW on the map. From The Night The Line Was Crossed.

ECW Title: Shane Douglas vs. Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Ok so is this 60 minutes or are Shane and Sabu going 75? Sabu leaves, I guess with an injury and it’s Shane vs. Terry. Given that we have less than an hour in the tape and there are post match interviews, the whole thing is an hour but Funk only has to go 45. Ok then. Funk hits a piledriver on the floor but we can’t see all of it since it’s not on the camera side. To be fair the same thing happened at the end of the 94 Rumble so that’s a thing of the times and not ECW.

Funk hits a pair of DDTs in the ring (one like a football being spiked and one being like a basketball being bounced according to Joey). Terry wants a chair so about 6 people throw them in. They get piled up and Shane takes ANOTHER DDT on them. Seriously that’s all we’ve had from Funk so far: DDTs and a piledriver. Shane manages to beat Funk to his feet after that DDT which is odd.

Shane beats on Funk who now has a bad back it seems. This is moving REALLY slowly and nothing of note is happening. We had a long stretch of brawling in the audience and nothing of note happened. Douglas mixes things up with a DDT of his own. How innovative! All Shane here as Funk is busted open. The referee goes down at some point and this is literally putting me to sleep.

They slug it out for a bit and then head into the crowd. We’re 30 minutes in here and are in the crowd. This has been far from great like it’s built up to be. For some reason the arena looks like it’s full of smoke. So yeah the whole one hour three way dance thing is pretty much nonsense. Ah here’s Sabu FINALLY after being gone about fifteen minutes. Funk comes up towards the announce table and steals a mic, Joey’s in this case, thinking he’s yelling at the crowd and therefore the guys in the ring. The problem is that he’s yelling into Joey’s mic so only the people watching the tape can hear him. Brilliant.

We’re thirty five minutes in and Sabu is in a spinning toehold. 911 comes in and lets Heyman hit Funk with the phone (it’s Paul E. Dangerously but you get the idea). Terry gets a neckbreaker on the guy whose neck would be broken by Benoit later on but Heyman saves again. The triple sleeper spot hits which is either creative or idiotic. I’m not sure why it would be idiotic but it has that feeling to it. Again, no idea why.

Now it’s basically who can get the longest leg lock on Sabu. Shane puts on a Figure Four, but remember that Ric Flair is a horrible man. We hit 40 minutes and Heyman saves Sabu again. Sabu botches the heck out of a springboard moonsault. Sherri is in the ring for no apparent reason. Axl and Ian Rotten come out to help Funk as Shane gets two on Sabu. Sabu botches a rana and Terry leaves. Yeah…..this whole triple threat has been a triple threat for about 3 minutes out of almost 45.

A springboard legdrop hits Shane in a clip from Rise and Fall of ECW. And here are the Rottens to beat up both guys again. This is making my head hurt. We’re 45 minutes in so I only have 15 minutes left. Joey says 15 minutes left in what match? So somehow we’ve gone from Terry Funk vs. Shane vs. Sabu to Shane/Sabu vs. the Rotten Brothers. Sabu fights the Rottens to the back and Shane is alone in the ring. He just stands there and here comes Sabu….oh never mind he has to fight one of the Rottens again first.

Funk comes back, as do Paul, 911 and Ian Rotten. And now there’s no one in the ring. Hat Guy is back by the concession areas and Funk vs. Shane spills outside. This must have been RIVETING for the live crowd with no video screens. And Funk beats up the referee. Joey tries not to laugh while asking why. With ten minutes left Shane and Terry are beating each other up and we now get the clock going again on how long can all three guys be in the ring for. So far out of 50 minutes I’d guess it’s about 9 minutes.

Sabu hits a top rope moonsault and Funk’s knee is hurt. Joey says the match was over 15-20 minutes ago. To quote him, what match? Shane vs. Terry? Shane vs. Sabu? Sabu/Shane vs. the Rottens? Terry vs. one of them? Sherri vs. the laws of time and gravity? The referee stays dead for the better part of ever. He must have been watching the match.

Five more minutes and the fans suddenly get that this is going to a draw. Another new match breaks out with Terry beating up Sherri. Four minutes left and nothing at all is happening. The bald Heyman is knocked out by Shane. Let’s see: Rottens, Sherri, 911, Heyman….yeah I think that’s all. We’ve only had five run-ins so far. Three minutes and we’re out of here (the clock is ticking and we’re in the clear).

Sherri’s boot gets used a lot as Joey makes me angry by saying this is like Piper vs. Valentine from 1983. The camera goes black for a minute and we have two minutes left. Funk beats up Heyman for no good reason. Less than a minute to go and the referee has now been out over ten minutes from a single headbutt. Can we get this guy some freaking medical attention? Two near falls within the last five seconds and that’s it. The fans give them a standing ovation for absolutely no deserved reason. This was bad…..like very bad.

Rating: D+. Cue the ECW diehards to come in here and explain why I just hate ECW and will never get what it’s about. While that may be true, I know a bad match. This wasn’t horrible and there have been far worse matches, but for this to be considered a classic or even a very good match is a joke. This “hour long triple threat” is more like a 15 minute triple threat, two fifteen minute singles matches, a 4 minute tag match and a bunch of standing around.

Sabu was SPENT about half an hour into this and he just laid on the mat for most of the time. I was bored to death watching this because the longest stretch where they’re all in the arena is about 8 minutes long. I have no idea what the standing ovation was for as this was just way too long and while it’s not horrible, it’s definitely not anywhere close to as good as it’s made out to be.

Terry would come back to WCW for Slamboree 1994, which was a glorified ECW show.

Tully Blanchard vs. Terry Funk

Blanchard comes out to what would become Jericho’s face music. There’s something wrong with the sound as you literally cannot hear the announcer. And Funk, who has been missing all night, comes out to something sounding like a slapped together Magnificent Seven theme. Now keep in mind this is in the….GORDON SOLIE IS ANNOUNCING!!! Anyway, they decide to have Funk in ECW’s town. Guess who the INSANELY over face is in this match.

Funk stands in front of Hat Guy. And of course we start on the floor. See, now unlike Heroes of Wrestling, Blanchard is in solid shape here. Also he’s not completely obsolete anymore. They haven’t been in the ring yet. Solie just throws out that he was in Miami back in 75 when Funk won the belt. Can you imagine how awesome it would be to crack open a beer with him and listen to him tell stories?

I think this is no rules which would make more sense here. Funk piledrives Blanchard through a piece of wood, which you can read as Terry’s hips goes through it and Blanchard’s head comes nowhere near it. The fans chant WE WANT BLOOD. This is an intense match which is impressive as the old guys are having a more interesting match than the others were. There goes the referee of course and it’s chair time.

Blanchard is bleeding. Funk tries to piledrive Tully from the middle rope onto the chair but he winds up just landing on the chair so it looked like a really screwed up powerbomb which is likely best in the end. Tully hits the referee for the DQ but I think it’s just a double DQ. The fans audibly chant their displeasure. Funk takes Hat Guy’s hat to end it.

Rating: B+. Fun. That’s the only way to describe this match. These two went out there and had fun and that’s all you can ask for. Yes that rating is likely high but this match was a blast. I can’t ask for more than that from a match with no point other than having two legends. The wrestling was quite good here too.

Funk wouldn’t be active for most of 1995 and 1996. As the first major star ECW had, Funk was in the three way dance at Barely Legal for an ECW World Title shot.

Stevie Richards vs. Sandman vs. Terry Funk

This is under elimination rules and the winner gets Raven later in the night for the World Title. Richards is the leader of the BWO but he’s starting to be taken a bit more seriously as a main event guy. He used to be Raven’s lackey but has now struck out on his own. Sandman, known for drinking and smoking on the way to the ring, busts himself open with a beer can on the way to the ring. He and Raven have a long history as well so he would make sense as a challenger too. Funk is the grizzled veteran looking for one more hurrah and is taking Dreamer’s place tonight as Dreamer wanted his mentor to get the title.

Sandman downs another beer and spits it in Stevie’s face while still holding his Singapore cane. All three guys circle each other until Terry and Richards lock up. Sandman breaks it up and chops Stevie in the corner, only to get in a fight with Funk. An early spinning toehold is broken up by Richards and Terry takes a bunch of elbow drops from both guys. Sandman and Richards get into it so Terry hits four straight neckbreakers on Stevie for two.

With no real provocation, Sandman throws in a ladder which blasts Funk in the back of the head. He suplexes the ladder down onto Richards and hits Terry in the head again for two. Terry and Sandman climb the ladder in the corner but Funk moonsaults down onto a standing Stevie instead. Still on the ropes, Sandman picks up the ladder and drops it down onto Richards’ back for two.

Stevie superkicks the ladder into Sandman’s face for two before both of them climb the ladder for no apparent reason. Funk falls into them to knock everything over and all three guys are down. With Stevie down, Sandman and Terry take turns ramming each other face first into the ladder. Richards gets back up and catapults the ladder into the others’ faces and everyone is down again. The Stevie Kick nails Sandman for two and Terry takes one for the same.

Sandman throws both of them plus the ladder out to the floor and dives over the top, knocking the ladder into Richards’ face. Back in and Terry suplexes Stevie but Sandman throws in a trashcan, nailing Terry square in the head. Funk doesn’t seem to mind and even helps Sandman with a spike piledriver on Stevie. Sandman crushes him under the ladder but Terry can only get two.

Terry nails Sandman in the face with the ladder to send him to the floor as Dreamer rants about Raven getting to face the winner while fresh. A double powerbomb is enough to pin Richards and get us down to one on one, sucking some life out of the crowd. Sandman and Terry shake hands then punch each other in the face, only to have Terry backdrop him out to the floor and onto Stevie.

We get barbed wire brought in but Terry wraps Sandman’s shirt around his face and hammers away. The barbed wire is whipped over Sandman’s back to cut him open, but Sandman wraps it around himself and drops a top rope legdrop for two. Stevie is still here for some reason as the trashcan is put over Sandman’s head, setting up a superkick to knock Sandman silly. Terry adds a moonsault for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C-. This was the hardcore mess that you have to expect with ECW. Sandman wasn’t much of a wrestler in the technical sense but the fans were way into him and he could throw a solid punch. Funk winning was the best option with Dreamer not being an option, but the fans were WAY behind Stevie here and an upset wouldn’t have been a terrible idea.

Raven immediately hits the ring and the title match is on.

ECW World Title: Terry Funk vs. Raven

Funk can barely move so Raven nails him in the back of the head with the title belt. A chair is brought in and Terry is sent face first with a drop toehold. Dreamer says he can’t do commentary and has to watch. Beaulah hasn’t said a word yet. Funk is busted open so we stop for the doctor to take a look at him. The fans beg for Tommy to come down and take his place but the match is allowed to continue anyway. Raven stops to set up a table at ringside before picking it up and suplexing it onto Funk.

Despite saying he can’t talk, Dreamer won’t stop telling Joey that he doesn’t understand why Terry keeps going. Raven puts Terry on the table outside and nails a huge dive through it in a huge dive. One of Raven’s lackeys named Reggie Bennett (a former Funk supporter) comes down for a “piledriver” on Funk. Raven grabs a mic and says he’s taking Funk over to the announcers’ area and putting him through three tables right in front of Dreamer.

Tommy stands up and says try it but Big Dick Dudley returns and lays Dreamer out. Raven hits his DDT on the referee as Tommy throws Dudley through the tables. Dreamer comes to the ring and DDTs Raven to get Funk a VERY close two. So close that the bell rang inadvertently. It’s a strange decision too as Funk small packages Raven for the pin and the title three seconds later.

Rating: D. I understand the story of the match, but this really didn’t work for me. It’s basically a squash with a screwy ending as Funk had maybe one offensive move in the entire stretch. Funk winning is a nice moment, but Dreamer getting the win would have made for a better story and made more sense, especially if Funk had said his time was over and Dreamer was the new era.

Funk would have his own retirement show called Terry Funk’s Wrestlefest on September 11, 1997.

Terry Funk vs. Bret Hart

I’m pretty sure this isn’t for the title so we’ll go with that. It’s no DQ if nothing else. He comes out to a cover of Freebird. Sandman had the regular Metallica theme and he can’t use Freebird? Dory is with him and there’s Bret’s music. This is just weird to see/hear. Bret is from Calgary, Canada and is the present WWF Champion. Seriously who talks like that?

Bret was the monster heel in WWF at the moment so the reaction here should be interesting. Dennis Stamp is the referee, who was Bret’s first ever opponent and I believe a jobber in the AWA. A bunch of people get in the ring. Chris Candido is in a towel. Seriously you couldn’t throw on some jeans? Heyman has the mic and the fans are cheering for Funk. Heyman puts Funk over very well for ECW and for Amarillo and wrestling in general.

In a cool moment they give him a belt and declare him World Heavyweight Champion for life. I like that. That’s rather cool. Bret gets on the mic and gets booed out of the building. He says what Bret Hart the person not Bret Hart the character would say which is very nice. He shakes Funk’s hand and says he’s going to kick bear the tar out of Terry. Nothing wrong with that as it makes Terry the even bigger face.

The camera is messed up early and we can only see half of the ring. Ah there we are. This referee is SLOW with his counts. Funk uses a headlock for awhile as they’re having a very basic match to start us off. This is pretty solid stuff so far with basic technical stuff but it’s working.

Funk can wrestle quite well. Don’t think he’s all about hardcore and brawling. He can go on the mat. Funk gets the toe hold but it’s broken up by the ropes and now we’re getting some punches. One of Bret’s brothers is his corner man. We’re not told which though. They’re going very slowly here to set up the big ending which is fine by me. Something happens in the crowd as they all get up all of a sudden.

Terry gets rammed into the table on the floor. This has been solid so far. After working the knee the entire match, Bret hooks the figure four and uses the ropes which is completely legal here. DAng that’s a bad figure four. It’s getting into Dusty territory here. Stu Hart is here also. He has two brothers here and neither is Owen so who cares? Funk makes his comeback with mainly punches and gets a great pop. Funk gets a DDT so I’m happy.

For a guy that’s 50, Funk looks pretty decent. At 15 minutes in we hit the crowd and Funk is in control. The figure four on the post breaks that up as I continue to think the post wouldn’t actually do that much in it. Bret initiates the ending sequence but stops to go grab a chair. Funk winds up with it and goes off on the knee. The announcer can’t tell time as 6 minutes after 15 minutes passed we’re at 20 minutes.

Funk goes for a Vader Bomb onto Bret through a table but misses Bret and goes through. He’s busted open too. It’s all Bret here as this has been a really good match. Funk gets a small package out of the Sharpshooter for one. See what I mean about the speed of these counts? Seriously a one count after twenty minutes? Funk gets the toe hold and Bret is in trouble.

Terry goes for one spin too many and there’s the other small package that gets two. See how much better that sounds than ONE? They do the messed up time thing AGAIN but thankfully Bret ends it as Funk hits a belly to back suplex and Bret gets his shoulder up while Terry’s are down.

Post match Funk gets the weakest announcement ever from the worst announcer ever and then he says he has no complaints and he loves the fans. Classy. He’d also be in the WWF in 3 months but it’s Terry Funk so it’s a bit different.

Also they said his last match in Amarillo more than once tonight, so that’s a bit better. Big difference between this and what Flair got which I classify as a bit disrespectful but that’s for a later argument.

Rating: A-. Great match here as they had someone out there that legitimately respected Funk and they let him have a great match. Funk’s in ring work is vastly underrated in the technical aspect so this was a nice way to let him showcase himself. Also notice something here: he went out losing to a younger star, giving Bret the spotlight rather than taking it for himself. This was a very good match regardless of the circumstances and I liked it quite a bit.

Terry would come back to the WWF as Chainsaw Charlie and team with Cactus Jack. They would receive a Tag Team Title shot at Wrestlemania XIV in a dumpster match.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie

This is a dumpster match which is a casket match with a dumpster. The Outlaws are defending because two months ago they put Cactus and Funk (Charlie is Terry Funk) in a dumpster and shoved it off the stage. Billy and Roadie are about 24 hours from joining DX so they’re not quite what they would become yet. It’s a brawl to start (were you expecting anything else?) and there’s a dumpster at ringside to put a team inside.

Cactus and Roadie trade shots to the head as Billy chokes Funk. Jack tries to charge off the apron at Roadie but gets sent into the side of the dumpster instead. Funk goes into the barricade as the champions are controlling early on. They backdrop Terry into the dumpster but he escapes before Jack can be put inside with him. That’s fine with the Outlaws as they drape both challengers over the edge of the dumpster and slam the lids over the backs of both guys.

Both challengers are put back inside but Jack grabs stereo Mandible Claws to stop the Outlaws’ momentum. We head back inside and Road Dogg gets caught by some neckbreakers before Jack and Billy head to the floor again. The Cactus Elbow with a cookie sheet crushes Gunn and it’s ladder time. Back in and Cactus goes up on top of the ladder along with Billy, onto to have Terry knocked into the ladder, sending both guys on top of it into the dumpster. Cactus climbs out as Terry is powerbombed into the dumpster.

The three remaining people fight into the back and Cactus is rammed into various metal objects. Now he goes into some large (as in 6’0) bottles of Surge and Powerade but Cactus comes back with double arm DDT onto a forklift. Funk pops back in and raises the Outlaws up on the forklift and drops them in another dumpster for the titles.

Rating: C. This was a garbage match (literally) but it was a fun brawl and the good guys got their revenge on the guys that injured them in the first place. What more can you ask for from a match like this, which was the third biggest on the card? Later it would be decided that the title change didn’t count because that was the wrong dumpster, leading to a cage rematch the next night with the Outlaws regaining the belts and joining DX.

Funk would be annoyed at losing the titles, setting up this match on Raw, May 3, 1998.

Mick Foley vs. Terry Funk

Austin is on commentary. He has some beers before the match as is expected. This is what we would call a hardcore match but that term hasn’t been established yet. At the time this is the only match Foley has ever wrestled under his real name. He’s in the sweatpants and flannel shirt. There’s no referee but we have a special one: it’s Pat Patterson. Austin isn’t happy but let’s go.

Funk fires away and we head to the floor quickly. He grabs a chair and Foley does his best thing: takes a big old beating. Foley tries to get fired up but he can’t quite do it which is some nice storytelling. A cord comes unplugged and Austin’s mic messes up. He blames Vince and steals Jerry’s. That one is broken but he gets it to work somehow. Now that one messes up. Nice touch. For some reason Austin drills Lawler and Ross says he didn’t have anything to do with it.

Funk is destroying Foley here with a chair and it looks like Austin can talk freely now. The mats have been peeled back and Foley tries a piledriver on it but gets reversed. Austin threatens to put JR’s hat somewhere on JR’s own body. Is that where the Dr. Vince thing came from? The railing is torn apart and they’re into the crowd. Foley beats up a hot dog vendor and then goes through a table. Funk, a spry 53 at this point, goes up to the balcony and moonsaults off to mostly hit Cactus.

He’s holding his neck and might be screaming stop it. Foley is like screw that and hits a Texas Piledriver (the kind where he pulls on the tights instead of locking his hands around the waist) through another table. They fight under the stands and we take a break since we don’t have a cameraman there yet. Back with clips from the break with Foley throwing Funk into various objects that aren’t meant to have people thrown into.

They fight back into the arena with Funk in trouble. Foley hits him with something made of metal and they’re up by the ramp. Patterson being a referee hasn’t made much of a difference yet. A piledriver on the ramp gets two because Funk has no problem with that kind of a beating. Back in the ring and Funk is still like “DUDE MY NECK IS HURT” but Foley stomps away, really pushing the title run at any cost.

A Cactus Clothesline puts them in front of the announce table. Foley rips up said table with Austin saying do whatever it takes but don’t touch his belt. With Funk on the table, Foley gets the chair and runs off the apron to drive it into Terry. Austin and Foley have a staredown and Austin says beat Funk then come after me. Back in the ring now and Austin apologizes for his language. “It’s usually worse than this but I have to be nice on TV.”

Double arm DDT gets two. This is AWESOME by the way. Austin is praising Funk the entire match about how great he is and tough he is. He says he doesn’t mind fighting Foley but Foley needs to prove something first. A piledriver looks to end this but Foley doesn’t cover. Instead it’s another piledriver on a chair and that’s FINALLY it.

Rating: A-. Now THIS is a brawl. This wasn’t about being goofy or about stupid weapon shots. There’s a way that a hardcore match can in fact be hardcore and brutal with both guys destroying each other and this was it. The storytelling of Foley reaching levels of evil he didn’t want to go to but doing them anyway for the sake of one more shot at the title is great stuff and Foley sells it like the master that he is. This is on Mick Foley’s Greatest Hits and Misses which is another reason to get that DVD, which is already awesome.

After leaving the WWF, Funk would return to ECW but wouldn’t have a match. He tormented Tommy Dreamer for months but retired (again) before they had a match. The retirement would last all of a few months as Terry would head back to WCW. He would get a Hardcore Title shot at Spring Stampede 2000.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley

Norman is hiding in the men’s room and is in a catcher’s uniform complete with chest protector. They’re into catering now and it’s all Funk. Funk pours a bunch of Cokes on him (still in cans) as Tony says this isn’t a match, despite Taylor calling it a match and a bell ringing. They’re in the kitchen now and they crawl through a dish return line to get there. Tony talks about the merits of industrial strength cookie sheets as he probably wonders how he still has a career.

They head into the hallway and Norman climbs a conveniently placed ladder. Norman gets some chair shots in and we head to the arena. Terry is taking a bunch of chair shots to the head which are scarier each time. Madden wants to know why Terry would do this to himself. The term “middle aged and CRAZY” doesn’t work for Madden I guess. It’s Wiggle Time but you don’t simulate anal sex on a Texan! Funk hits a huge chair shot and we’re back outside.

Terry pulls out a ladder and puts it between the bottom and middle ropes on the inside. Dustin Rhodes comes out because we MUST have more Rhodes vs. Funk because the feud only started 25 years ago so we’re all begging for a continuation right? Dustin of course fails because he’s booked like a clueless putz when he’s not Goldust so he causes some pain for Norman. Funk drops a ladder over the top onto Norman for the title.

Rating: C. These matches are hard to not smile at a bit. Yes they’re stupid and mindless brawls but at the same time, they’re stupid and mindless brawls. Nothing great and Dustin added absolutely nothing to it at all (which should be on his tombstone), but Funk vs. Smiley was a weird combination that made for entertaining comedy and with the Hardcore Title, what more can you ask for?

Funk would still be in the hardcore division when WCW was dying. Here he is at Sin in a Hardcore Title match.

Hardcore Title: Crowbar vs. Terry Funk vs. Meng

Meng has the title itself but Funk is champion. Daffney tries to jump Funk which of course fails. Crowbar, no longer a seventies guy (that would be Funk) jumps Funk and the brawl starts sans Meng. They head to the back into the ladies room. Standard bathroom fight as Crowbar is slammed into every stall. Meng is nowhere to be seen here. Ah there he is.

He throws a plastic trashcan over Funk and hammers on it a bit. They head back into the arena and Funk pelts a trashcan at Meng’s head. They double team him for a bit before Funk realizes that makes too much sense so he beats up Crowbar. Luckily there happens to be about six tables stacked up against a wall. WE FOUND THE SOURCE!!!!! Crowbar hits Funk with a laptop as Hudson says Crowbar wants the Cruiserweight Title back.

Crowbar climbs into the crowd and dives on Funk on a table which the camera completely misses. Why do they miss it? Because they accidently cut to the ring crew fixing the ring ropes. And people wonder why this company went out of business. This is what replay is for I guess as we get to see the Boom Drop for lack of a better term.

Meng pops up to him Crowbar with a trashcan again and take over one more time. They head to the stage with Crowbar hammering away to no effect. Side kick sends Crowbar sprawling down the ramp. Funk gets a snow shovel from somewhere and pops Meng with it to send him down. That’s a rarity. Funk slams Crowbar through the railing which literally almost snaps in half. Good thing WCW upgraded to the barriers made of cotton candy.

Funk and Crowbar go to the ring where Funk takes some chair shots to the knees and gets Pillmanized. Well kind of at least. Funk of course is on his feet seconds later and hammers away. Meng is back now and Crowbar puts a figure four on despite Meng hammering on him. Meng goes up top and crushes Crowbar with a splash. That looked awesome. Piledriver gets two as Funk saves.

Meng hammers away and slams Funk before a middle rope splash gets two. Funk and Crowbar hit Meng literally about 18 times with chairs to take him down. The head shots don’t work as well due to the afro but they’re trying at least. Funk gets Meng in position for a DDT but Crowbar blasts him with a chair. Kick takes Crowbar down and the Tongan Death Grip gives Meng the title. He would be in the Royal Rumble a week later.

Rating: C. This got a lot better after the first five minutes or so. Meng as a total monster is a fun character. That’s probably why WWF signed him to a guaranteed deal a day or so after this while WCW was doing a pay per appearance kind of thing and thought there was nothing wrong with putting a title on him (his first actually). Meng would be in the Rumble seven days later as a surprising appearance and kind of as a big SCREW YOU to Bischoff as the Hardcore Division in WCW died with the title never being mentioned again other than I think once on Thunder.

Like almost every wrestler not in WWE after WCW closed, Funk would make an appearance in TNA. From Weekly PPV #82 on February 18, 2014.

Julio Dinero/CM Punk vs. Raven/Terry Funk

Raven is in a long war with the Gathering and Funk is here to help him out. Funk gets attacked when Raven is still in the aisle so Bird Boy hits the ring to hammer on Punk in the corner. Dinero comes back in and stomps away as Terry is out on the floor. Funk is already bleeding and Punk shouts at him to bleed more. Some slaps to the face just tick Funk off as Dinero hammers on Raven outside. Terry fights back from his knees and Dinero gets hammered as well.

The spinning toehold doesn’t have much effect and Funk is back in for the save. The match finally settles down with Funk getting double teamed but getting his knees up to stop a top rope backsplash. Terry crawls to the wrong corner because of the blood in his eyes before getting to his feet and falling into Raven for the hot tag. Raven cleans house and everything breaks down. A Stunner puts Julio down and Funk rolls him up for two. Raven superkicks Punk to the floor and DDTs Dinero for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a pretty basic brawl and Punk didn’t mean anything yet. It’s always cool to see future stars like him in their earlier days though and this was just as cool. Funk with the spinning toehold gets kind of sad to see this late in his career.

Since he was a big part of ECW, Terry would appear at the ECW reunion show Hardcore Homecoming and participate in the main event on June 10, 2005.

Shane Douglas vs. Terry Funk vs. Sabu

Oh ok. This is a barbed wire rope match so that’s why they had to use so much time. Francine is with Shane (freaking hot) who booked the tour so this is a huge deal for him, Sabu has Fonzie and Funk has Sunny. Shane talks a lot. He’s great in case you didn’t remember that. Funk is 61 years old here. I get that people think it’s cool and impressive and stuff, but it’s not.

This is stupid of him to keep doing this and they shouldn’t let him. Let him come out and address the crowd and maybe even do a run in, but seriously, do not allow him to do this anymore. Sabu of course has no issues with wrestling without a shirt. They have this annoying split screen thing where it’s just another camera angle of the same thing. I don’t get that but whatever.

Sabu goes chest first into it which can’t feel good. More or less this is how many times can we screw up Sabu, which tells me he’ll be winning. Naturally we get the triple sleeper which is a spot that I just hate. If someone is going to be eliminated, why not just let the person in the initial sleeper be in it so that that person is out? If you put the guy in the middle to sleep, he’s going to lose the sleeper he’s got. So we get a ton of weapons and violence, none of which really go anywhere.

This just isn’t that interesting, but it’s supposed to be a throwback to the original and on that note it’s a good thing. Funk gets tied up in the wire and there’s blood everywhere. Sabu gets his neck caught in it and the freak show is on. WILL YOU STOP WITH THE FREAKING CAMERA ANGLES JUMPING??? Joey suggests that Shane has been planning this beating for years. Ok then.

The ropes are pretty much gone as they had to cut both guys out. Douglas hits the referee in the back of the head with a chain for no apparent reason, to set up the real shock of the night: the lights go out and as they come back on, MICK FREAKING FOLEY is in the ring to a massive pop. He would do the commentary with Joey in two days so this really was a big deal.

He busts out Socko to get booed out of the building but a double arm DDT helps things. He wraps Socko in barbed wire to help a bit and after the Tumbleweed and a chair shot, Douglas is out. After more brawling, they set up a ladder and the ladder literally crumbles. I mean it just breaks apart which is cool looking. This lets Sabu hit an Arabian Facebuster with a chair to get the pin. There’s a HUGE celebration with these four guys and Terry gets carried out as his shirt is more or less covered in blood to end the show.

Rating: F. For letting Funk do this at 60+ years old. I get that he wanted to, but sometimes you have to tell the guy no. Let him do what Foley did instead or something, but you can’t have him out there getting beaten up like this, period. It’s irresponsible and trying to make a quick buck while jeopardizing a man’s safety. A regular match, or a match under MUCH more strict control (which we’ll get to in a minute) is one thing, but a mess like this is ridiculous.

Funk would appear at One Night Stand 2006 in one of the featured matches, teaming with Tommy Dreamer against Edge/Mick Foley in an old school vs. new school hardcore match.

Edge/Mick Foley vs. Tommy Dreamer/Terry Funk

Foley is booed out of the building but we have promos before the match. He says he did sell out, but he means Madison Square Garden. He loved ECW at the point when it was run by a true visionary, so let’s hear it for Stephanie McMahon! Long live the Alliance! Funny stuff. Here’s Edge with Lita. Edge says this is ECW’s Christmas but Heyman is Santa. Then they’re going to go home and text their imaginary girlfriends that the show was great then get on the internet and pleasure themselves to his actual girlfriend. Funny stuff again. Lita says the fans get little action and runs down Beaulah.

The cover of Man in the Box comes on to keep the riot from starting. Even Beaulah is here so let’s make it a six man/woman.

Edge/Mick Foley/Lita vs. Tommy Dreamer/Terry Funk/Beaulah McGillicutty

Always thought Beaulah looked great. Wonder if she’s related to Michael. Beaulah is in heels so this isn’t going to go well for her. Catfight to start but the guys pull them back. Edge and Dreamer start us off and they actually wrestle a bit. Off to Foley and Funk quickly who wrestle a bit also. Actually I’d give that to Funk. He might be better at it even though he’s a bit out of practice. Foley isn’t sure he wants to do this and tries to leave. Yep here’s the brawl.

Dreamer grabs some water to send into Edge’s face as Funk hammers on Foley with whatever he takes a notion to. The girls are still chilling on the apron as weapons come into the ring. There aren’t going to be any more tags at all are there? I really wouldn’t expect a lot of play by play from this point on. Baseball slide into a garbage can into Foley’s head. Edge takes over on Dreamer and it’s ladder time already.

The old dudes go up the aisle and it’s so nice to see WWE production values here where they know how to go back and forth and keep up with the action rather than seeing the tops of people’s heads and calling it following the action. Ladder goes upside Dreamer’s head but a spear is hiptossed and Edge lands on the ladder. Funk and Foley get back in and it’s windmill with the ladder time.

Funk, a spry 61 here, goes up the ladder only for Edge to dump it over and have him crash down onto the mat below. Dreamer sets for the Dreamer Driver on Edge but Lita finally does something, breaking up the Driver. Foley and Edge find a big plywood board. Uh…ok? They find another one covered in barbed wire. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! They slam it down on Dreamer who gets it caught in his skin.

They try to do it again but Funk pulls their feet out and it lands on the heels, including Edge’s face. The fans, ever the nice guys, chant that they want fire. Barbed wire board is set up in the corner and it’s time for some punching on Foley before he gets thrown through the board. Dreamer is crotched on the railing outside as the fans think this is awesome. I’d be inclined to agree for once.

Foley manages to throw the board onto Funk and has Lita get even more barbed wire. It gets wrapped around Foley’s arm and he rams it into Funk’s head. Terry is bleeding all over and shakes like a fish as is his custom. Foley rams the wire into his face for good measure so the referees take Funk out as he screams about his eye. The fans want Sandman but get a barbed wire ball bat instead.

That goes into Dreamer’s anatomy, including his balls due to the leg drop from Lita. Mick pulls out a pair of socks to really tick the fans off. Foley goes ultra heel by putting the Claw on Beaulah, setting Dreamer off. He gets caught in the hold anyway and Edge spears him half to death. Edge and Lita go after Beaulah and Edge bends her over in front of him. Where are Trish and HHH when you need them for pointers?

Instead it’s Funk, coming through the crowd with a big bandage around his head and a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire. The distraction lets Dreamer hit a pair of low blows and Beaulah chases Lita off. Funk blasts them both with the board and then in the words of Bubba Ray Dudley, why don’t we just light it on fire? Funk drills Edge with it then hits Foley, sending him through the barbed wire board which Foley said was absolute agony on a commentary I heard for this match.

Funk gets dropped on top of him but Dreamer takes down Edge, putting him in a Crossface but instead of choking him he wraps barbed wire around his face and pulls back on it. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Catfight ensues and Dreamer gives Lita a Death Valley Driver and is all fired up but Edge grabs an Edge-O-Matic with the barbed wire. Spear to Beaulah and a cover with Edge putting her legs in the air and bouncing up and down on her ends this absolute war.

Rating: A-. Freaking WAR here as these four absolutely destroyed each other in the name of violence and revenge. Edge looked like a superstar which was the point of this whole thing. This is easily the match of the show and is well worth seeing if you’re a fan of big old violent wars. The WWE camera work helps a lot here too as they barely missed anything which is a major upgrade over the regular ECW production values. Check this one out as it’s great stuff and very violent but in a good way. The barbed wire on Funk’s eye was a bit too far for me though.

We’ll wrap it up with one of Terry’s many indy appearances, from AWE Night of the Legends on October 15, 2011.

Terry Funk vs. Tommy Dreamer

No DQ here because what else would it be? Dreamer is of course wearing an AWE shirt because if you want something advertised, call Tommy Dreamer. Funk immediately asks for a mic and says he always gets a physical before he gets in the ring. He yells at the fans but says he’s not supposed to be in a wrestler. Funk says he’s getting in the ring for the fans and Tommy Dreamer because Dreamer loves hardcore. Terry talks about getting older and meaner before blasting Dreamer in the face with the mic.

We head to the floor with Dreamer in trouble and getting a drink thrown into his face. Funk gets thrown into what looks like a school desk before Dreamer is thrown into a thick table. Terry starts throwing plastic chairs at Tommy and crotches him on the steel barricade. Back in and Funk fires off some headbutts including some on all fours. We head to the floor all over again with Dreamer being sent into the barricade again.

Tommy steals a drink and spits it in Terry’s face before heading back inside with a pair of chairs. They chop it out a bit and Dreamer is taken down onto a chair via a drop toehold. Funk goes after Tommy’s knee with a chair and puts on the Spinning Toe Hold. Dreamer hits him in the head with a chair, hits him in the ribs again, and rolls him up with a small package for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. I do not like matches like this one. Terry Funk may think that he’s ready to be in the ring but he was 67 years old here and did not need to be out there in a wrestling ring. On top of that, the match itself was over out of nowhere (not that I’m complaining from one standpoint) as that small package hit in a flash. I’m guessing there was an injury in there, or perhaps they realized that a 67 year old man doesn’t need to be taking chair shots.

We’ll wrap it up there. Terry Funk is one of the longest active wrestlers in history with a career that has gone on and off for nearly fifty years. Mick Foley has said that he believes Terry Funk is the greatest wrestler ever and it’s hard to argue that he’s one of the best. To make an entirely different career like he did at his age is remarkable, especially when you consider how successful he was in the first half of his career. Find what you can of his early stuff if you want to see an entirely different side of him.

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Wrestler of the Day – May 30: Kamala

Today it’s off to the deepest jungles of Africa for Kamala.

Kamala started off in the indies under generic names like Big Jim Harris. Eventually he became Kamala down in Memphis and would be a traveling attraction like many other monsters around this time. One of his stops was in the Carolinas where he challenged Magnum TA for the US Title at Great American Bash 1985.

US Title: Kamala vs. Magnum TA

This is from the Great American Bash 1985. Kamala recently had his foot/leg amputated so the timing is appropriate. Kamala jumps him before the bell and it’s on. Magnum fires off a cross body and hammers away on the big man. You know Kamala never did much other than get beaten up. I never remember him winning anything of note and he’s usually just around because he’s big.

Kamala wants a test of strength but Magnum is a lot smarter than that, popping him in the jaw instead. Magnum gets knocked down by a chop and kick as Kamala takes over for token reasons. A choke somehow counts as a cover and gets two. Kamala grabs Magnum’s chest in a weird claw move then splashes him twice. Magnum is on his stomach so it doesn’t count. That’s an old standard for moon belly man. Back to the claw which wastes more time. Magnum makes his comeback and gets an easy slam. Kamala walks into the belly to belly and we’re done.

Rating: D. Kamala as usual isn’t interesting. He was supposed to be this savage and all that but it just didn’t work at all. He did his thing and that thing never was all that interesting. This is the definition of a house show match and the whole idea was to set up a quick match for Magnum to look good in. This was pretty weak.

It was soon off to the WWF where Kamala would get to work with some big name stars. Here’s one such match from November 20, 1986.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Kamala

I think we’re in Philly here. Ah yes Dick Graham is doing commentary and he never left that city. Kamala wants a test of strength to start and the commentators aren’t sure about this. Steamboat naturally tries to speed things up so Kamala busts out a leapfrog of all things. He adds a big kick to take over. Craig asks a good question: why does Fuji have a cane if he doesn’t have any issues walking?

Kamala grabs the armpit of Steamboat in a new twist on the rest hold. You know, since we’re nearly two minutes into the match and he’s tired already. Kamala looks fatter than he typically does here. He gets what could be classified as a modified chokeslam to send Steamboat flying. Steamboat has had next to no offense in this.

He tries to get some shots in and since Kamala is a monster, very basic offense is enough to take him down and have him reeling. Steamboat beats up both managers and lands a shot from the middle rope to put Kamala down to one knee. He tries to go up again but gets slammed down thanks to some nefarious means called Mr. Fuji. The big splash ends this clean in rather surprising fashion.

Rating: C. When’s the last time you saw Steamboat more or less get squashed? This is likely when he was about to head to the NWA so Vince was trying to make him seem as worthless as possible. The timing from earlier would seem to agree with that and Kamala wasn’t around until about 88 so yeah this is part of the Steamboat Sucks Tour which would result in him winning the world title from Flair. Go figure.

And this one from December 6, 1986.

Kamala vs. Tito Santana

We’re told this is in Rockford, Illinois and it’s at a Superstars Taping. Since this is a dark match there’s no original commentary so Johnny and Craig do it for us. Neither are any good so the sound is incredibly annoying. Tito tries to stick and move but has to avoid the Wizard and Kim Chee (Kamala always had two managers) at the same time.

Kamala wants a test of strength and holds his hand up for about 45 seconds as we’re told what a dark match is. We’ve been on this Kamala wanting a test of strength thing for over a minute now. The announcers keep offering suggestions as to what he’s doing such as wanting a basketball to palm or waving to friends. Shockingly, he was trying to hurt Tito’s hand. This is idiotic.

Tito steps on his hand but gets chopped in the head for his efforts. More Kamala dominance as he chokes away. Who wanted to see a tape of Kamala dominating like this? This match has been 50% choking, 50% of Kamala holding his hand in the air and 50% Tito throwing right hands. For some reason they keep going to wide shots. The Wizard trips Tito and the splash ends it, thank goodness.

Rating: F. This was AWFUL. I don’t know who thought dedicating almost 15 minutes of a tape to Kamala was a good idea, but it certainly didn’t work. He was good for crushing jobbers, not Hall of Famers. This was incredibly boring as most of it was choking or that stupid test of strength thing that Tito walked around for a few minutes because of. I see why this was a dark match. Just terrible.

Here’s a first in this series: from the next day on Wrestling Challenge, albeit taped weeks earlier.

Kamala vs. Jack Foley

These old Foley squashes are becoming kind of a tradition. Ring announcer Mel Phillips screws up by saying Foley weighs 147lbs. A slam, a splash, and a top rope splash destroy Foley in about 40 seconds.

Why not again? This time from January 25, 1987.

Kamala vs. Nick Foley

Yes Nick, even though the announcer introduces him as Mick Faley. Foley is now from Boston and weighs 249lbs. That’s quite the weight gain in six weeks. Chops and the splash do the job here. Well Foley does the job but you get the idea.

Kamala would be part of a one night tag team tournament on March 15, 1987 in Toronto.

First Round: Kamala/Sika vs. Killer Bees

Sika is more famous for being in the Wild Samoans. Has Kamala ever actually won anything? I don’t remember a thing that he actually accomplished. The camera angle is odd at this show as it’s from an angle and the ring is kind of up on a platform if that makes sense. The crowd is kind of small too. The ring looks small too. Valiant isn’t a good talker but he’s energetic as all goodness. Sika and Brunzell start. For some reason Kamala starts climbing the ropes. Ok then.

No clue why the heels are teaming together. Oh apparently they’re a semi-regular tag team. As always the idea of them registering for a tag team is very funny. Their manager, the Grand Wizard, would be replaced by Mr. Fuji, who Shawn Michaels LOVES. They get a double slam on Kamala which was kind of cool. We get to the formula stuff here as Blair, the less talented of the faces, gets beaten down a lot.

That ends though due to the first instance of something I’m sure you’ll hear a lot of tonight: heel miscommunication. A hot tag to Brunzell and a quick dropkick gets the win for them. On replay, you can see how awesome that one was. He kicked Sika right in the freaking face.

Rating: C+. Not bad for an opener at all. They used your standard formula here but at an accelerated pace. To be fair though, the heels are pretty much crap here though and that’s hurting things. Bees were their usual solid selves, but they were being held down here by bad opponents.

What better way to show off Kamala than put him on SNME #11?

Kamala vs. Jake Roberts

The snake clears things out immediately. WWF should have paid for a snake fear seminar or something given how afraid half the roster was of them. Well not Kamala though as he just completely sucks. He scared me to death when I was a kid though so he can do whatever he wants. Jake gets out of a bearhug by stomping on Kamala’s foot. That’s just mean.

Vince wants to know about Kamala’s dental plan. Was there a face commentator that could stay on the match for more than 8 seconds in this era? This is a pretty basic match with Kamala dominating before Jake makes a short comeback. Kim Chee, Kamala’s other manager, runs in and blasts Jake in the back of the head and a splash ends Jake. Chee unmasks as Honky Tonk Man for a beatdown on Jake.

Rating: D. Not much at all here. This was just to do the ending angle which is odd as Honky won at Mania and yet he’s the one continuing the feud. Anyway, Kamala was always pretty awful and this was no exception. Just a boring match all around and nothing of note at all.

And since he’s a monster, why not a World Title shot? From June 27, 1987.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Kamala

Yes Kamala is the focal point of this tape. Allow that to sink in a bit. Thinking this is in Philly but I’m not sure. Ah make that Boston. Hogan hurts himself on a slam attempt and Kamala goes to work. I think you know the story here. Kamala tries some chops on the mat but here comes Hogan as he rolls out of the way. He fires away with lefts and drills Kim Chee for good measure.

Kamala drills Hogan as he goes after the manager and gets a shot with a foreign object. Hogan bleeds a bit but at this point even him suffering can’t save this. We have five minutes left in this and I could go for some Benny Hill music to get us through it. Lots of choking by the darker skinned man. Nice bit of trivia: both of these two have put out albums.

Kamala goes up but Hogan crawls away so he climbs back down. This is painfully boring as there’s no way Hogan doesn’t win the match to end the tape. Oh and Gorilla has NEVER seen Hogan take this much of a beating before. Splash gets two and Hulk begins his seizure. If you don’t know the rest of this match, you’re an idiot.

Rating: D. Typical Hogan match to end this. Hogan matches in the 80s really were a dime a dozen. That’s what’s kind of surprising about the Andre match: it was an extended match of what he did every night but it got 90,000+ to watch it. Again, this was the Kamala tape. Do I need to explain to you that this was bad?

Kamala would jump from the big companies to the smaller territories quite often in his time so it’s hard to keep track of him for long periods of his career. Here he is in the USWA in December 1991.

Unified World Title: Kamala vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler is defending, having beaten Kamala for the title recently. Kamala jumps him to start and pounds away, sending the champion down into the corner. Jerry’s face is slammed into the mat for two and some headbutts easily stop a comeback attempt. Choking ensues and Lawler gets chopped down for one of the slowest two counts I’ve ever seen. Jerry comes back with right hands but is easily knocked out to the floor.

In something that wasn’t done back in the day, Kamala picks up the announcers’ table to ram Lawler head first, but he shoves the referee down in a rage. Lawler is put face first on a camera before going back inside. It’s still not a DQ so Kamala splashes Jerry for a very close two. Another splash gets another two so Kamala sends the referee into the corner. A third splash misses and Lawler takes the strap down. The right hands drop Kamala and the middle rope punch only gets two. They brawl on the floor and a fireball to Kamala is finally enough to draw the DQ.

Rating: C+. Wild match here and it actually worked very well. In the USWA, the title changed hands VERY often, with Kamala taking the belt about four times in five months with two vacancies in between. It’s such a different world down there and a very interesting one to say the least. I liked this way better than I was expecting to.

Kamala was soon brought back to the WWF as Harvey Whippelman’s soldier in the war against Undertaker. Their first showdown was at Summerslam 1992.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Kamala was Undertaker’s Monster of the Month at this point and is managed by Harvey Whippelman. Undertaker rides to the ring on the back of a hearse to kill even more time. Taker fires off uppercuts to start and chokes away in the corner before avoiding a charging Ugandan. Harvey breaks up Old School but Kamala can’t hurt Taker at all. He clotheslines the dead man to the floor but Taker no sells everything Kamala throws at him. Back inside and Taker easily chokeslams him down and hits the Tombstone but Kamala’s other manager Kim Chee comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as it was setting up the coffin match at Survivor Series. This was during the bad period for Undertaker as he fought a bunch of monsters with no particular rhyme or reason. Kamala was nothing special and spent most of his career trying to be intimidating but getting destroyed every time.

We’ll come back to that later, as first we have to see Kamala challenge for the Intercontinental Title on October 28, 1992.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Kamala

Sean Mooney and Hayes are the commentators here. Sean gives analysis. That’s cute. We start with a feeling out sequence and Bret working the arm. Something tells me Bret is going to be the one doing ALL the work here. Sean wants to know why Kim Chee won’t take his mask off, with theories being that he’s a criminal or owes alimony to his wife. Bret actually tries a test of strength but is smarter than that and suckers Kamala in and stomps on his foot.

Kamala takes over and it’s just your standard match at this point. Kamala grabs Bret’s chest. That’s what it looks like at least. A modified form of the 5 Moves of Doom doesn’t work. See what happens when you screw with them? Chee gets up on the apron, Kamala lunges for Bret when he grabs Chee, rollup keeps the belt. Kamala jumps him afterwards but Harvey gets splashed. Don’t worry as he would recover and go on to become women’s champion later on.

Rating: D. This was weak to put it mildly. The grade is ALL Bret. He is the one decent thing in here…which makes this sound better than it was seeing as how there are only two guys in the match but you get the idea. Kamala was just a place holder here and not a very good one at that. Boring match, but the next one makes up for it just a bit.

The rematch with Undertaker was the first Coffin Match at Survivor Series 1992.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Kamala immediately runs from Taker and they head to the floor for more not fighting. Back in and Kamala pounds away with almost no effect. Taker hits the yet to be named Old School and Kamala is in trouble again. A clothesline sets up some choking by the dead man but Kamala chops him to the floor. This is really dull so far. Kamala rams Taker head first into the steps and hits him in the back before we head inside. A kick to the chest puts Taker down for all of a second. Kamala slams him a bunch of times and three splashes. The urn is knocked into the ring and Taker sits up. An urn shot to the head pins Kamala.

Rating: F. Seriously, that’s it. That’s IT? This is one of the biggest matches on the show and this is all we get? Just a dull match with nothing more than a few shots to the back and a quick ending. This didn’t even make six minutes and Taker didn’t even break a sweat in crushing Kamala. Nothing to see here and it was completely worthless, much like Kamala.

Kamala would return soon after this as a face with Reverend Slick trying to turn him into a civilized man (including teaching him to bowl). Somehow this earned Kamala an Intercontinental Title shot on Raw, June 28, 1993.

Intercontinental Title: Kamala vs. Shawn Michaels

This is during KAMALA IS A MAN phase where Slick tried to humanize him a bit and it was just painfully bad. There was a tape where the theme of it was Kamala, in wrestling gear mind you, learns to bowl. It’s as bad as it sounds. This is from Raw in late June/early July of 93. Clearly the world was BEGGING for this showdown. June 28 apparently.

Shawn isn’t sure what to do here. Bobby talks about taxes and Vince FREAKS about Bobby not having many taxes based on what he made last year. Holy unintentional shoot Vinceman! Kamala is moving out here as he gets Shawn to back up and try to hide. Shawn avoids a chop as we talk about the Slam Yokozuna thing which was rather awesome in the payoff for it.

Kamala gets a bearhug for a LONG two. Kamala uses basic stuff to attack Shawn but a running knee eats buckle to give Shawn the advantage that most people expected him to have. He swears at some fan in the audience and Vince isn’t pleased so he plugs something instead. Figure Four is blocked by Kamala so Shawn stomps away some more.

We list off some athletes that won’t slam Yokozuna. We mention Dave Letteman leaving NBC which really dates this show. Here’s Kamala’s comeback as he uses a lot of chops to fight back. Does he think he’s Asian or something? He’s messing up his stereotypes. Kamala hits the splash on Shawn’s back but messes up and tries for a pin with Shawn on his stomach which was a thing he did because he was stupid. Chin Music to the back of the head ends this.

Rating: C-. Not horrible actually if you can believe that. Kamala had a chance out there and they kept it short enough to make sure that the fans didn’t get bored with it and that Kamala didn’t overstay his welcome etc. It’s not a great match or anything really but it’s certainly fine for what it was: a quick TV title defense.

Kamala would leave the WWF soon after this and head to WCW where he would join the Dungeon of Doom. One of his only major matches was at Bash at the Beach 1995.

Kamala vs. Jim Duggan

Please, I beg of you, MAKE IT QUICK! Thank goodness the bell rang. Wait is that a good thing? At least Duggan is getting the face pop like he’s supposed to. Oh and Zodiac has joined the Dungeon. That’s Brutus in case you’re confused. Not sure why you would be as it’s been two weeks with his latest gimmick so it was time for a change. Duggan hits him. Kamala doesn’t sell it. Kamala hits him. Dugan oversells. At least it balances out.

And let’s talk about Hogan for a bit. Sure why not. Some large man showed up on the preshow and scared Hogan. He would be known as the Giant. What a brilliant name. The fans don’t seem to be that interested in this. Duggan slams him. The Three Point Clothesline hits. Kamala falls before it hits but whatever. And Zodiac hits Duggan with Kamala’s mask for the pin. I hate this show.

Rating: F. Boring, contrast of styles, stupid ending. You pick the reason why it sucked. Again, why is this match happening in 1995? Aren’t there other guys you could have out there that are, you know, not old? It makes no sense so that’s why you know it’s WCW. At least it wasn’t long.

Kamala would disappear soon after this and never show up as a permanent fixture ever again. He would appear in the Insane Clown Posse’s promotion for a bit but we’ll look at a one night appearance he made on Raw, June 26, 2006.

Kamala vs. Umaga

This is the result of Kamala attacking Jim Duggan the previous night and Kamala standing up for his fellow legend. They do the big collision spot to start before Umaga kicks him down. Manager Kim Chee is destroyed as well and takes a running hip attack in the corner. The middle rope headbutt and Samoan Spike easily end Kamala.

Ok so Kamala didn’t have the best record, but he was there for one reason: to make the other guys look good. I was TERRIFIED of him as a kid and would regularly cover my eyes whenever he was on screen. Seeing Undertaker destroy him in 1992 was the best thing I had ever seen and that was exactly why Kamala was out there. There’s nothing wrong with letting people beat your brains in every night. As Brian Pillman once said: “I’d love to be the highest paid loser in wrestling.”

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