Smackdown Date: April 10, 2003 Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s tournament time and that means some bigger matches tonight. The tournament seems to be John Cena’s to win, especially with the FBI around to mess with Undertaker. Why he’s stuck with the FBI isn’t clear, but it’s also not clear why Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon is continuing. Let’s get to it.
Brock Lesnar arrived earlier today and greeted some fans, two of whom are none other than Mr. Kennedy and CM Punk. Kennedy’s mugging for the camera is amusing.
Opening sequence.
Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy
Non-title, meaning Matt, whose book is a New York Times best seller (of course) and is currently the longest reigning singles champion on Smackdown, can’t leave as a double champion. Matt lays the Cruiserweight Title in front of Brock, who casually kicks it away and lays his title in front of him instead.
Matt goes to pick it up so Brock steps on it and takes Matt’s head off with a clothesline. The very brave Shannon offers a distraction so Matt can get in a belt shot for a fast two. We hit the stomping for a bit before Brock backdrops him to the apron with Matt’s face smacking off the bar that connects the turnbuckle to the post.
It doesn’t seem to change much as Matt snaps the back of Brock’s neck across the ropes, only to get dropped with a scary looking electric chair. Brock makes the clothesline comeback and tosses Matt with an overhead belly to belly. Shannon has to eat a shot to the head as well, leaving Matt to take the F5 for the pin.
Rating: C. Matt was game here but there was only so much he could do in a match like this. If nothing else it gave us more of Shannon’s impressive selling as he looks like he’s getting killed every single time. Brock gets a nice win as he’s back in the ring and it’s not like the Cruiserweight Champion losing to Brock is going to really hurt him.
Roddy Piper talks about the Frankie Williams interview on Piper’s Pit where he beat the heck out of a jobber and dropped the “just when they think they’ve got all the answers, I change the questions” line.
We look back at Hogan and Vince’s segment last week with Vince sending Hogan home to get rid of him and Hulkamania for good. Is this really the best thing they can do with their TV time? I get the idea of nostalgia but wouldn’t that be more like Hogan beating up A-Train in a five minute match? This is more trying to make Hogan into Austin, which is the biggest stretch you could have.
Jamie Noble/Nidia vs. Brian Kendrick/Torrie Wilson
Sable is at ringside with Torrie’s Playboy. Noble jumps Kendrick from behind but gets sent into Nidia’s raised boot by mistake. Kendrick’s tornado DDT is countered with a northern lights suplex, sending Kendrick back first into the turnbuckle in a good looking bump. We hit the chinlock as the fans cheer for Torrie. It’s off to a reverse cravate before Sliced Bread #2 is countered with a neckbreaker. Nidia misses a Rocket Launcher though and Torrie gets the hot tag. Torrie’s neckbreaker gets two and everything breaks down. Nidia’s high crossbody hits Jamie and it’s a tornado (more like a stiff breeze) DDT to put Nidia away.
Rating: C. Not a bad match actually with the guys doing most of the work until Torrie got to do her thing at the end. As long as they keep her matches short, everything should be fine. There’s no secret about why she’s out there and she’s actually passable in the ring at times. This could have been a lot worse so I’ll take what I can get.
Sable is rather pleased.
Chris Benoit and Rhyno both want to face Brock at Backlash. Brock is cool with facing either of them.
#1 Contenders Tournament Semifinals: Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno
An early test of strength goes to Rhyno (duh) and he twists the arms around into a cross arm choke. Benoit spins out without much effort and starts in on the arm, only to get suplexed down for two. It’s time for the hard chops which actually bring Rhyno down to his knees. A knee to the ribs has Rhyno in more trouble but he avoids a dropkick.
Rhyno grabs a bodyscissors of all things until Benoit comes back with more chops. The Gore only hits the turnbuckle but a spinebuster gets two. A hard elbow to the jaw sets up the Swan Dive for two but Chris can’t get the Crossface. What he can get though is a backslide for the pin and a spot in the finals.
Rating: B-. They beat each other up here and that made for an entertaining match. Rhyno is someone who is capable of having a better match than most people would give him credit for and that’s what happened here. The ending was a nice touch too with Benoit catching Rhyno instead of flat out beating him, which should do some good for the sake of keeping their team together.
They shake hands post match.
Torrie is in the shower when Sable comes in. Sable praises her Playboy and steals the towel so Torrie has to come and get it.
Piper talks about cracking Jimmy Snuka in the head with a coconut.
It’s time for Piper’s Pit but Vince is in the ring instead. He talks about Hogan being sent home to rot so that when he’s allowed to be back, he’ll need a bag underneath him to collect his bodily waste. That brings Vince to another of his creations that he’d like to pull off the shelf: Roddy Piper. Cue Piper to interview his guest, which is of course Vince.
After mocking Vince for having small fingers, Piper says no one created him but himself. Vince mocks Piper’s ample gut, including saying that he looks like he went to heck in a breadbasket. We get an offer for Piper to join Vince’s club but Piper rips on Vince’s business failures, including the WBF and the XFL. Vince’s eyes bugging out for a few seconds is a nice touch.
Anyway, the only job Vince can hold is the one his daddy gave him. Vince gets up and talks about their dislike of Hogan, though of course they still hate each other. Piper takes off the jacket (Vince: “From one son of a b**** to another.”) and they shake over their mutual hatred of Hogan. Vince goes to leave until Piper congratulates him on doing something Piper never did: lose 1-2-3 to Hogan. Save for SuperBrawl VII of course but you can’t ask Piper to remember things like history.
Vince is mad but here’s Rikishi of all people, carrying a coconut. Rikishi remembers what Piper did to Snuka all those years ago and it’s time for revenge. Cue Sean O’Haire of all people to drop Rikishi with a clothesline and hit him with the wooden chair. Piper busts the coconut over Rikishi’s head as this is one of the most ridiculous segments I’ve seen in a long time.
I’m assuming they’re going for the old school fans here but going for the over 40 audience isn’t the best idea in the world. Adding O’Haire in helps, but the coconut stuff and Rikishi, plus the eventual return of Hogan to take all of the spotlight isn’t going to do anyone any favors. Cut out some of the nonsense and there’s something there, though there’s a lot to get through to get to it.
Les Nouvelles (La Resistance) are coming.
Team Angle vs. Rey Mysterio/Tajiri
Non-title and Team Angle dedicates this to Kurt, who is undergoing neck surgery tomorrow. Haas armbars Tajiri down to start, only to get caught in the Tarantula with Mysterio adding a running dropkick for an early two. Shelton comes in to take a dropkick as well but a Haas distraction lets Benjamin get in a superkick to take over. A double gutbuster sets up an abdominal stretch for a bit before Rey is taken into the corner.
An electric chair is countered into something like a bulldog and it’s off to Tajiri. The handspring forearm (instead of an elbow this time) gets two on Haas as everything breaks down again. Some kind of a powerbomb double team is countered into a hurricanrana to put Charlie down. The 619 into the springboard legdrop gives Rey the pin.
Rating: C+. Just like the Rhyno vs. Benoit match, this would have been better with some more time but it was fun while it lasted. That being said, I really could go with the champs being a bit more successful. I’m sure this is going to set up a title match either here or at Backlash but isn’t there a better way than having them lose clean in less than five minutes?
Undertaker is ready to win because he’s got more shower time than John Cena has ring time. Tonight he’s going to beat Cena up to shut him up then bust him up.
Bill DeMott vs. Nathan Jones
This is Jones’ in-ring debut. DeMott grabs a hammerlock so Nathan punches in the in the face. A toss sends Bill outside as Nathan seems lost out there less than a minute in. Back in and Nathan kicks him in the face for the pin. Jones didn’t even do four offensive moves in the 80 second match.
The FBI talks about Italian food and claims that they’ve had thousands of dollars and a laptop stolen from their bags. They’re asked who might have done it.
Post break Nathan is questioned about the robbery when Undertaker comes up to say this is nonsense. Jones has to leave anyway.
#1 Contenders Tournament Semifinals: John Cena vs. Undertaker
Cena says Deadman Inc. is bankrupt and he’s repossessing the yard. If Undertaker is a deadman, Cena is a necrophiliac. I really didn’t need to know that and we’ll move on. Undertaker sends him into the corner to start but stops to glare at the referee. Some big right hands have Cena in trouble and Undertaker asks if he wants to keep talking. A chokeslam gets a delayed two with Cena’s foot on the rope.
Back from a break with Undertaker still in complete control and driving in some elbows on the apron. The apron legdrop to Cena’s back but a right hand with the chain gives Cena an opening. A shoulder knocks Undertaker off the apron and gets in a shot on the bad elbow. Undertaker has a bad elbow? Good to know guys.
Cena stomps the arm into the steps but Undertaker hits a shoulder with the bad arm for no apparent reason. Old School looks to set up the Last Ride but Cena reverses into a DDT on the arm for a near fall. We hit the armbar for a bit until Undertaker punches him down without much effort. Snake Eyes into the big boot but the ref gets bumped. Just get the Italians out here already.
Cena grabs a spinebuster, only to get caught in the Last Ride. Cue the FBI for the attack with Palumbo getting in a chair shot to the head. Cole: “Flashbulb just went off! Nathan Jones has been taken out of the building!” Sweet goodness I’m surprised he got it that fast. Cena crawls over for the cover and the pin because Heaven forbid he gets the pin with his finisher.
Rating: D. Until that chain shot, Undertaker was beating Cena like the rookie that he was. It’s good that Cena won, though it would have been nice to have Undertaker not treat him like the biggest waste of his time he could find. I have no idea why the FBI is getting this spot either, but it was ALL about Undertaker here and that defeats the purpose of giving someone like Cena the win here.
Overall Rating: C-. It’s a good enough show but there’s a lot of bad stuff throughout the show taking it back down. The big story is really holding down the rest of the show as it’s just not interesting. Much like the main event, I like the idea of putting over a young guy but they’re making sure to pile on as much stuff as they can to keep it from accomplishing its goal. The wrestling on here, with the little time that it got, worked well, though it’s almost completely forgotten for the sake of the big stories. That’s fine in theory but it would help a lot if the big stories were a lot less horrible.
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Smackdown – October 24, 2002: How Do You Like Your Wrestling?
Smackdown Date: October 24, 2002
Location: Pyramid, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole
With No Mercy done (and Undertaker probably still bleeding), it’s time to start the road towards Survivor Series in about a month. The real buzz is about the Tag Team Titles though after Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle became the inaugural champions in a masterpiece. Unlike Raw, there are a few things I’m excited to see develop so let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Matt Hardy vs. Rikishi
This is fallout from Matt getting a Stinkface last week. Before we get started though, did you know that Mattitude is practiced in over 100 countries or that Matt’s bedtime is 4am? Rikishi wipes himself with Matt’s shirt before taking him down off a clothesline. Matt’s top rope clothesline gets two but the rotund Samoan wins a slugout. A Stinkface doesn’t work but Matt is shoved away from the Twist of Fate, setting up the Rikishi Driver (I’ve missed that one) for the pin. Cole: “Mattitude has been deleted!”
Rating: D+. So Matt gets a new, amazing gimmick (which he probably came up with himself) and gets to lose clean to Rikishi to pay off a moment where he got humiliated. I mean, it’s not as bad as almost anything Raw has done lately but this isn’t the brightest booking in the world.
Rikishi dances post match but Big Show comes in and lays him out. Wasn’t he teasing a face turn on Raw? Show challenges Lesnar for the title.
Here’s Stephanie McMahon to present a trophy to Benoit and Angle. Kurt says he lead his team to victory last night so he’ll accept the trophy and put it on his Wall of Fame at home. Benoit grabs the trophy and says if it wasn’t for Stephanie’s ruling, he would have taken Angle out a long time ago. Angle says it’s his because he got the submission last night. They fight over the trophy and Stephanie gets hit in the face as the thing breaks. That earns both of them a slap to the face before Stephanie makes a match for the broken trophy.
Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri
Noble, dressed as Elvis of course, is defending in a rematch from their good effort on Sunday. Tajiri hits the ring after a lame impression and elbows the wig off the champ. Of course Tajiri puts the wig on for a little dance before dropping Noble (still in the Elvis jacket) into the corner. The Tarantula is broken up and Nidia offers a distraction, meaning Tajiri kicks the post by mistake. Back in and Noble kicks the leg out but can’t hit the Tiger Bomb. Nidia gets on the apron but Tajiri kicks the bickering couple together, only to get rolled up (with an assist from Nidia) to retain the title.
Rating: C-. These two work well together but you need more than four minutes to make something like this go. Noble has been champion for about four months now and I really don’t think anyone has noticed. I know the idea was to have Mysterio fix the division but when he’s doing all that other great stuff, it seems like a waste of time.
Tazz has the wig and we hear about next week’s Halloween party.
Dawn Marie, with the lowest cut dress legal by law, finds Torrie and apologizes for her behavior in recent weeks. She really cares for Al but she’ll break it off for the sake of Torrie and her family. Torrie says great and walks away, not really convinced.
Eddie and Chavo have a standoff with Angle and tell him that Benoit had some plans for him after the tournament was over. Naturally Angle believes him and tensions continue to heighten.
Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero
The winners get a title shot at some point in the future. Edge and Chavo start things off with Edge’s armbar not getting him anywhere. Instead a shoulder puts Chavo down but he gets his knees up to block Rey’s springboard moonsault. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Rey sending the Guerreros outside but face miscommunication lets Eddie take over.
Eddie elbows Rey in the mask and it’s time to work on the ribs and back, which were banged up on Sunday. I love when they remember stuff from just a few days ago. A pumphandle backbreaker gives Eddie two and Chavo’s tilt-a-whirl version gets the same. Rey dropkicks Chavo into his cousin though and it’s off to Edge as things speed up again. An Edge-O-Matic gets two on Eddie but he’s still able to save Chavo from the 619.
Instead it’s the spear for two on Chavo, followed by the 619. A powerbomb/springboard seated senton crushes Chavo but Eddie makes the save with a slingshot hilo. The referee goes after Eddie, allowing Rey to sneak in a springboard legdrop to give Edge the pin. Eddie not realizing what was going on behind him gives us a great visual.
Rating: B. This didn’t have the time to work as well as their other stuff but these people are incapable of having a bad match at this point. Mysterio and Edge vs. Benoit and Angle in a rematch makes perfect sense after their masterpiece on Sunday. I’m sure the Guerreros will get in on the titles soon enough because they’re too good to leave out.
Undertaker is looking for Lesnar. Why would that feud continue?
Video on the Cell, narrated by Paul Heyman, about how Lesnar owns him now.
Here’s a limping Undertaker to call Lesnar out. He gets Heyman instead because Lesnar has no interest in hearing what Undertaker has to say. Scratch that though as Lesnar comes out and gets right in the ring anyway. So why was Heyman necessary there? Everyone has told Undertaker that his hand injury cost him the match but the reality is that Lesnar had his number on Sunday. Five years ago the hand wouldn’t have mattered but it mattered on Sunday.
Now the purists are going to complain about Lesnar bringing in Undertaker’s personal life (that sounds rather out of character for Undertaker) but he understands head games. He’s fought and beaten the best but Sunday, Lesnar was the better man. Undertaker goes to leave when Brock stops him and takes the mic. As for Sara, Brock needed and edge but he’s supposed to be all about business. I guess that’s an apology and leaning towards a face turn for Lesnar?
Brock and Heyman leave but Heyman stops and nods in respect to Undertaker. We’re not done though as Undertaker says that after twelve years, his body is…..going to be interrupted by Big Show. He can’t believe what he’s hearing because it’s been him beating Undertaker up for the last two years, not Lesnar. Undertaker says he’d rather be a broken down has been than a giant never was.
It’s time to leave again but this time Big Show follows and eventually passes Undertaker. Ever the moron (he is a face you know), Undertaker poses on the edge of the stage. Big Show, gorilla press, crash (onto what looks like a big pad that we never get a good look at). This took WAY too long to set up Big Show vs. Undertaker.
Post break some of the locker room has come out to check on Undertaker. Stephanie has now decided that she’s a medical expert and is bossing the EMT’s around. Undertaker is slowly put on a stretcher as Stephanie threatens the medical people if they don’t get him out of here faster. Eventually he gets off the stretcher and stumbles around with Arn Anderson shouting “LET US HELP YOU TAKE!” Agents eventually help walk him to the back.
And now, Dawn Marie! She tells Al that they should say goodbye now before turning around. See, she’s only been with a few men and he was the most passionate. Kissing ensues.
John Cena vs. Billy Kidman
Rematch from last week when Cena cheated to win. A dropkick puts Cena on the floor to start but a drive into the barricade has Kidman in trouble. Back in and a spinebuster gives Cena two but Kidman hits some more dropkicks. A middle rope back elbow to the jaw drops Cena and a hurricanrana (with a handful of rope) puts John away. So to recap we have two cheaters with .500 record in recent weeks. The WWE formula in a nutshell.
Cena lays Kidman out post match and shows some fire. I mean it’s some slightly extinguished fire because he just lost but that’s common around here.
Lesnar gets interviewed and wants to know where Funaki is. Anyway if Big Show wants a fight, he’s not hard to find.
Eddie apologizes to Benoit for what’s happened between them and offers to show some respect. Benoit smells an ulterior motive.
Big Show goes into Lesnar’s locker room. Heyman tries to talk things down but Brock says Show can have a title shot.
Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit
For a broken trophy. Angle takes over on the mat to start and Benoit looks annoyed at not being able to sit out on him. Kurt does it again until Benoit elbows him in the face for the break. A hard clothesline cuts Benoit off and a belly to back gets two. They’re not really following up on stuff here as it’s one move and then a breather before they do anything else.
Benoit speeds things up a bit with a clothesline to the back of the head, followed by some rolling German suplexes. It’s hard not to cringe watching their heads slam off the mat like that. Angle reverses the third suplex into two of his own but the Angle Slam is reversed into a release German suplex. One heck of a Swan Dive gets two so we hit the Crossface.
Angle rolls him over and reverses into the ankle lock but Benoit small packages him for two. The Angle Slam connects for the same and it’s back to the ankle. That’s reversed back into the Crossface but Angle reverses that as well. Benoit goes up and gets belly to bellied right back down….but here are the Guerreros for a distraction so Chavo can hit Angle with a belt, giving Benoit an easy pin. Benoit might not have seen what happened.
Rating: B. The match was good but they didn’t have nearly enough time to do what they’re capable of pulling off. These two have some of the best chemistry in wrestling and even if we’ve seen it multiple times, it’s cool to see them bust out all those ridiculous counters. The ending is annoying but if it gives us more Eddie greatness, I think I can live with it.
Angle pops up and hits a quick Angle Slam on Benoit, followed by breaking the trophy. I’m glad some things never change.
Overall Rating: C+. The wrestling was good here but this one depends on your taste in stories. Lesnar vs. Big Show is just depressing, Dawn Marie and the Wilsons works for an obvious reason and the tag stuff is outstanding. If you can stand some of the slow paced stories and at times dumb ideas (What is Dawn doing this for?), you can get to the excellent wrestling. Unfortunately, Big Show coming in at such a high place isn’t going to help anything as I’d be more than fine with Lesnar vs. most of the Smackdown Six. The good stuff is REALLY good right now though and that’s what matters most. Well that and no Katie Vick.
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Smackdown – September 19, 2002: They’re the Faces?
Smackdown Date: September 19, 2002
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s the go home show for Unforgiven and that means we’ll be getting some more of Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar. At the same time though, you can really see the Smackdown Six being built up before our eyes and that’s nothing but good. If we can get a few ten minute matches with some outstanding action here and there in between the Eric Bischoff vs. Stephanie McMahon nonsense, everything should be fine. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of the wedding because that’s the top story at the moment since it involves the feuding bosses.
Opening sequence.
Rey Mysterio/Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia/Jamie Noble
Torrie looks outstanding here, as in even moreso than usual. Nidia slaps her in the face to start and gets caught in a neckbreaker (normally Torrie’s finisher) for two. It’s off to Jamie to take Torrie to the mat but she brings Rey in almost immediately. Rey gets planted on his face but gets in the sitout bulldog for two. Nidia keeps validating her employment by distracting Rey so Noble can get in a hard clothesline. Everything breaks down and Torrie gives Nidia a Bronco Buster for the pop of the match. Noble offers to take one of his own so of course it’s Rey doing it instead. The 619 into a Code Red puts Noble away.
Rating: C. I know the women weren’t exactly the best in the world at this point but the ending accomplished its goal and the Bronco Buster spot was all it needed to be. I’ll gladly take this over the champion getting pinned all over again. To be fair though I had almost forgotten that Noble was champion in the first place. Also, Mysterio goes from a classic opener against Kurt Angle at Summerslam and can’t even get on Unforgiven?
D-Von yells at Stephanie about Batista so Stephanie collects his balls. Paul Heyman comes in and says he’s brought in some off duty police officers to guard Lesnar. They might not be necessary though as Undertaker had to take his wife Sara to the hospital for false labor. He’s on his way here though and Heyman is distraught. Lesnar seems pleased though.
Here’s Stephanie in the arena because we haven’t seen her recently enough. You don’t screw with McMahons because they always get even in the end. That means a clip of the women’s protest on Monday and another to set up 3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck on Sunday. As for the stipulations, she’ll address those when she and Bischoff have a face to face video chat later tonight (OF COURSE there’s a big segment for that story later) but for now, here are Billy and Chuck.
Billy says it’s time to set the record straight….so to speak. Maybe he could keep teaming with Chuck or maybe he could work on a singles career. Chuck: “So you’re saying you go both ways?” Cue Kurt Angle of all people to say this sounds like a bad episode of Three’s Company.
Angle made some publicity of his own back in 1996 and he didn’t do it by making out with Carl Lewis. Kurt insists that he’s not gay and he has no problem with anyone who is because gays love him. Angle: “I’m freaking adorable!” A tag match is made for later and Stephanie gives Angle Chris Benoit as a partner. Angle is so freaked out that he keeps making unintentional gay jokes, such as that being a hard one to swallow. More greatness from Angle.
Security won’t come out to the ring with Lesnar because they weren’t hired to work in the arena.
Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena
Non-title and something that would be a bit different today. Like Cena would be wearing jean shorts while Lesnar squashed him. Lesnar forearms him in the back of the head to start and hits the first overhead belly to belly. Brock starts pounding him in the back and gets two off a delayed vertical suplex. A waistlock has Cena in even more trouble as the very slow pace continues. Brock stays on the ribs for a bit longer, shrugs off the comeback, and finishes with the F5.
Rating: D. What the heck happened to Cena? He was the hottest rookie around for a long time (possibly even hotter than Brock, or at least showing more fire) and now I can’t even remember the last time he won a match. It doesn’t help that he never really had a character so there wasn’t exactly anywhere for him to go. Lesnar vs. Undertaker still isn’t looking interesting but at least they’re doing something with the feud to try and get it somewhere.
Video on Rikishi, who was shot back in 1986. Ok then.
Video on Undertaker, who really doesn’t need a video package. At least it’s set to Adrenaline by Gavin Rossdale, which I’ve always liked.
Eddie Guerrero wants revenge on Edge for the Stinkface. If that means more Edge vs. Eddie, I guess I can live with it.
Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero vs. Edge/Rikishi
Chavo slaps Rikishi to start in what is apparently a show of disrespect, because Rikishi is someone to be respected all of a sudden. Edge comes in to take over without much effort but gets sent to the floor where he has to avoid a chair shot from Eddie. The cousins start in on the back and of course we get some classic cheating because that’s what Guerreros do.
Edge gets in a powerslam but Eddie cheap shots Rikishi to prevent the hot tag. I love how so many of those spots have been used for the better part of twenty years and simply do not get old. A tornado DDT is broken up and the hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house. We get the double crush in the corner but only Chavo takes the Stinkface. Eddie bails to the floor so Chavo hits Rikishi with a TV camera for the pin.
Rating: C-. Rikishi is fine for the hot tag stuff but I still don’t see why he’s in this spot and the story about him being shot really didn’t do much to get him to another level. Eddie vs. Edge is still good and the idea of Eddie not liking him due to Edge being considered a pretty boy is more than fine.
Post match Eddie chairs Edge in the face to cut him open.
It’s time for the Stephanie vs. Bischoff sitdown interview with Stephanie getting to be all smug over kicking Eric low on Monday. Bischoff laughs it off and loves the idea of Stephanie having to perform HLA if Billy and Chuck lose on Sunday. Stephanie accepts and says she’s not even worried about Billy and Chuck losing (What confidence!) because she might just enjoy HLA. In other words, no matter what happens, Stephanie doesn’t lose. Well of course she doesn’t.
Matt Hardy vs. The Hurricane
Hurricane is just in tights here with no sleeveless shirt on. Matt has something to say before the match but a WE WANT JEFF chant cuts him off. A quick rollup gives Matt two and the Jeff chants throw him off again. Hurricane grabs a victory roll for his own two and does his pose, earning himself a right hand to the jaw. The announcers try to figure out what Matt Hardy Version I means as Hurricane can’t hit the chokeslam.
A Ricochet gets two on Hurricane as the fans switch over to wanting Lita. Hurricane’s neckbreaker drops Matt and now the announcers want Undertaker to shot up and pummel Hardy. The Shining Wizard gets two on Matt as this is WAY better than I was expecting. Matt grabs a quick Side Effect and sneaks in a low blow to set up the Twist of Fate for the pin.
Rating: B-. It’s amazing what happens when you let these North Carolina guys get together. This was a really fun match with both guys trading good looking moves until Matt cheated to win. It made for some entertaining stuff and while the announcers got annoying (as expected), that’s what you can expect from Smackdown.
Heyman thinks Undertaker is waiting on Lesnar so they’re not leaving.
We run down Sunday’s card and it’s still not very interesting.
Billy and Chuck vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit
Angle and Benoit don’t get along. Billy and Benoit start things off but Chris chops Angle for a tag. The team that actually gets along takes over on Kurt and Benoit finds this very amusing. Billy’s tilt-a-whirl slam gets two but Billy poses a bit too much, allowing Benoit to get in a cheap shot. It’s off to Benoit for the rolling German suplexes as this really isn’t the way you want to treat your new top face tag team.
Billy finally avoids a charge from Benoit and gives Kurt the One and Only, setting up the hot tag. Chuck cleans as much house as Chuck Palumbo is going to be able to do before getting caught in the ankle lock. That’s not cool with Benoit who throws Angle away so he can put Chuck in the Crossface. Billy makes the save, meaning Chuck should have gotten beaten twice. Chuck gets in a superkick on Benoit for the pin.
Rating: D+. What the heck was that? I mean, Billy and Chuck are going into the semi-main event at Unforgiven (it’s gotten WAY more hype than anything other than the two World Title matches and you could easily argue it’s beaten both of those) and this is the best you can do for them? They couldn’t beat up some thrown together team for their big face debut? Speaking of them being faces, why is that the case? Their big moment was admitting they were lying to the fans and then they stand up for Stephanie or whatever and now they’re fan favorites? That’s really not impressive.
Benoit and Angle trade submissions post match, making Billy and Chuck look even more worthless.
Undertaker arrives with ten minutes left in the show.
Here’s Undertaker to the ring for the last minute hard sell. He calls Lesnar out and gets his wish in a hurry with Heyman not being able to hold him back. Undertaker starts slugging away as Heyman calls out the troops. That means Matt Hardy, who takes the beating on Lesnar’s behalf. Undertaker chases after Lesnar, who has been arrested and put into protective custody. What a lame ending.
Overall Rating: C+. This was a good show on its own but a pretty horrible go home show. To be fair though that’s because Unforgiven is a miserable pay per view and really doesn’t need to exist at this point. Lesnar vs. Undertaker isn’t going to be worth seeing and the build is showing it more every week. There was enough good wrestling tonight to make the show work but the pay per view just isn’t interesting and there’s no way around it.
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Smackdown Date: September 5, 2002
Location: Resch Center Arena, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s hard to say what to expect here but hopefully it’s another rocking tag match with some talented people getting to show what they can do instead of jobbing to Undertaker after a former World Champion’s finisher doesn’t have much of an effect. Oh and we get the debut of Crash Holly for reasons I don’t even want to think about. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week, which somehow gets to be narrated by Stephanie. Dang they’re getting right to the point this week. Anyway, Undertaker is challenging Brock Lesnar at Unforgiven.
Opening sequence.
Billy vs. Rey Mysterio
A very early Rico distraction (those sideburns are mesmerizing) lets Billy jump Rey and choke in the corner. The tilt-a-whirl powerslam plants Rey and Tazz makes gay jokes. Rey gets in his first offense with a dropkick to the knee so Billy clotheslines his head off, making sure that Mysterio has nothing of note so far. Rico cheats a bit more so the fans are all over him, making Rico the best thing about the match so far. More shots to the back keep Rey in trouble but a springboard dropkick sets up the 619 with Chuck making the save. That means Billy gets to work Rey over even more until Mysterio gets a fluke cradle for the pin.
Rating: D. So Mysterio can go move for move with Kurt Angle in a classic but can barely get in a dropkick on Billy Gunn of all people? This is almost entirely on Billy as he just wasn’t giving Rey anything to work with and it showed horribly. It’s ok to let Mysterio get in a little offense, get taken down, let the comeback go on for a bit and have the co-villains cheat so Rey can do the big comeback at the end. It’s called having a match with a story but this was all about Billy working Rey over without much effort.
Post match Rico tells Chuck it’s time….and he proposes to Billy because he wants to be tag team partners for life. Note that the word “marry”, “husband” or “I love you” are never mentioned. Billy says yes and hugging ensues.
Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore
Shannon is challenging after pinning Jamie in some recent tag matches. The battle of wristlockery start things off until Shannon armdrags him down. Nidia grabs a leg but Shannon dropkicks the champ to the floor anyway. Back in and a harder clothesline than you would expect from a cruiserweight match puts Shannon back down and a belly to back gets two.
Of course the fans would rather talk about Nidia’s puppies because Raw featured a match talking about Molly Holly’s hymen, meaning you can’t quite blame them at this point. That’s what WWE has deemed acceptable from its employees so don’t act surprised when no one cares about your matches as a result. Moore elbows him in the jaw and gets a near fall of his own off a neckbreaker. A Whisper in the Wind gets the same but Jamie counters a hurricanrana with a powerbomb. The Tiger Bomb retains the title.
Rating: C+. Good match here but the fans didn’t care because WWE has given us no reason to care about them. Just because there’s good wrestling out there, no one is going to notice because WWE has made us care more about the women at ringside. I’m not sure what it means that Nidia is possibly treated with more respect than the women on Raw but it seems to be the case.
Paul Heyman is hyping Brock Lesnar up for his match with Randy Orton when Randy comes up and says absolutely nothing of note.
Edge and Rikishi are ready for a six man tag later and Rikishi actually tries to explain how the Stinkface is a symbol or something. Piece of the Kish still isn’t a good catchphrase.
Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton
Non-title and one of those matches that would be totally different just a few years later. Also Lesnar is now WWE Champion instead of Undisputed Champion as continuity takes another hit for the sake of pulling a title out of a briefcase. Orton charges straight at him and actually gets two off a rollup. That just means an overhead belly to belly though and Brock is already smiling.
Brock throws him over the top and hits an STO back inside. He throws Orton onto his shoulders and drives Randy back first into the buckle over and over as this is a total squash. Heyman: “HE WANTS THIS!” A dropkick to the ribs staggers Lesnar and Orton gets in the backbreaker. For reasons of general stupidity, he heads up top for the high crossbody but gets rolled through into the F5 for the pin.
Rating: C-. Is there something in the water over on Monday Night Raw? You can have Brock roll through people like this on Smackdown but Raw’s big solution is to have him sell for people and need Heyman to save him all the time? Ever since he’s gone to Smackdown he’s been treated like the monster he’s supposed to be and it’s made him a hundred times more interesting.
Mark Henry congratulates Billy and Chuck.
Crash signs his contract and thanks Stephanie when D-Von comes in. The Reverend is upset about Billy and Chuck but again we never heard the word wedding or marriage. He talks about how immoral is it but OF COURSE Stephanie cuts him off for not showing her enough respect. The ceremony is next week, D-Von faces Batista later and just in case you forgot, Stephanie is the most amazing and intimidating person ever.
Tajiri vs. Mark Henry
Tajiri’s kicks and strikes have the effect you would expect them to have and it’s time for the slow beating. The handspring elbow is knocked out of the air and Tajiri’s sunset flip has no effect at all. A running dropkick to the head works a bit better but Henry shrugs it off and powerslams him for the pin.
Rating: D. Hey, did you know that Henry is really strong? Like, REALLY strong? To the point that he can bend frying pans and is barely hurt by someone kicking him really hard in the head? I’m still not sure who is supposed to be impressed by Henry squashing a member of the cruiserweight division, which is often treated as a bunch of second class citizens in the first place.
Stephanie moderates a sitdown interview (in the back without much light) between Undertaker and Lesnar. After making it clear that they’re both EXCLUSIVE to Smackdown, she throws it to Brock who lists off his career accomplishments. Undertaker laughs off the idea of a young pup like Brock beating him because no one has ever taken Brock where Undertaker is taking him. Undertaker promises to beat Brock up for the first time but Heyman makes it personal by bringing up Undertaker’s wife Sara being pregnant.
If anything happens to Undertaker, he’ll take care of Sara but not the unborn child. The table it turned over and nothing happens. This was WAY too long and it really didn’t make me want to see the match any more than I already did. Granted I checked out when Stephanie started talking about how this was a Smackdown exclusive because it might be the least important detail since….oh whatever the name of whatever award/honor Stephanie has most recently won.
Reverend D-Von vs. Batista
Batista has what would be his theme song for years and the red trunks instead of the gray one he had been wearing. D-Von jumps him to start and gets in a quick chair shot, only to take a Batista Bomb for the pin in a minute and a half. The man that pinned John Cena clean last week everyone!
Nidia talks about the wedding next week (using the word for the first time) and asks Jamie if they’ll get married one day. Jamie hugs her and panics.
Matt Hardy brags about going toe to toe with Brock but Shannon isn’t all that impressed. Hardcore Holly, Matt’s opponent tonight, wants to know where the footage of Matt losing has gotten to.
Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle are ready for their six man tag tonight. Angle is annoyed at Benoit for costing him the #1 contendership so Benoit comes in and we have a staredown.
Matt Hardy vs. Hardcore Holly
They trade rollups for two to start before opting to just punch each other in the face. Tazz would rather talk about cheese jokes (Wisconsin remember.) as Holly gets two off a belly to back suplex. A backbreaker sets up a belly to back superplex, only to have Matt knock him away and get two off a moonsault press. The Side Effect gets the same but Holly gets two of his own with a powerbomb. Neither finisher can hit so Hardy grabs a rollup, only to be reversed into another one with Holly grabbing the tights for the pin.
Rating: C+. Surprisingly good match here but I’m not sure I get the point of having Matt lose over and over when he’s getting a push with the Shannon Moore stuff. Holly isn’t great but at least he’s good for a watchable match. Matt can play the heck out of these over the top characters with huge egos and that’s what we’re getting with the Mattitude stuff.
Rico doesn’t have time to talk because he has wedding plans to set up. He’s going to be Billy’s best man.
Crash vs. Hurricane
They circle each other to start until Hurricane puts him in a Tree of Woe for a good crotching. The high crossbody gets two on Crash, followed by the Eye of the Hurricane for the same. Holly misses a charge into the post and takes a super swinging neckbreaker (that’s always looked cool) to put both guys down. The chokeslam is countered into a rollup so Crash can impress Stephanie or whatever.
Rating: D+. So now we’re to the point where we’re jobbing talented guys like the Hurricane to validate Stephanie’s investments? This is a situation where it would have been better to just have Crash show up on Smackdown one night and say he changed brands off camera. There was no need to make this a story other than for the sake of more Stephanie vs. Bischoff nonsense.
Edge/Undertaker/Rikishi vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero
These are the six people from the series of matches last weeks if the reasoning isn’t clear. Rikishi and Angle gets things going and I’ll spare you the normal “why is Rikishi here” question. Thankfully it’s quickly off to Undertaker for a big boot but it’s way too early for a chokeslam. Instead Benoit comes in and kicks away in the corner, only to get tossed into the corner for his efforts.
Rikishi comes back in to far too strong of a pop and gives Benoit a sitout Rock Bottom before throwing him into Angle. Edge gets a slightly weaker pop as he goes after Eddie, who takes over off the strength of some double teaming. The heels keep Edge in trouble with the rapid tags and it’s Angle grabbing a chinlock.
An Edgecution gets Edge out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Undertaker to clean house. Rikishi gets in a belly to belly on Angle and superkicks Benoit, leaving Angle to take the Stinkface. Angle and Benoit have a quick collision so Chris puts him in the Crossface. Eddie is furious….and surrounded. The OH NO look on Eddie’s face when he realizes what’s going on is perfect and his trying to chill with Rikishi is even better. The spear sets up Eddie’s face being shoved into the thong, followed by a chokeslam for the pin.
Rating: C+. If you put Rikishi in some tights or even regular trunks, this doesn’t feel nearly as awkward. They did their thing here with the villains looking slightly more inept than they should. Benoit vs. Angle should be fun but that doesn’t make for the best tag match in the world. Edge has kind of fallen through the cracks in recent weeks and his feud with Eddie needs a boost as they barely interact directly.
Overall Rating: D+. This depends on what you find more important. The wrestling is a little better this week but the booking is atrocious, with things like Crash Holly getting a story, Billy and Chuck’s impending shenanigans, John Cena being sacrificed to D-Von of all people and Hardcore Holly beating Matt Hardy. There’s so much that can be great around here but as usual, WWE seems more interested in doing the least logical and interesting things as possible.
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Smackdown Date: July 18, 2002
Location: First Union Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s the go home show for Vengeance but the bigger story here is the in ring return of the Rock who will be facing Kurt Angle to warm up for his World Title match on Sunday. Other than that we get to meet the first Smackdown General Manager, who I’m sure won’t be a huge disappointment and create a bunch of plot holes. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Eric Bischoff being announced as the Raw GM. Bischoff has promised to show up tonight and sign Rock, which apparently you can just do. The idea here is that he likes to steal talent, though I’m not sure why Vince would care since he owns both shows.
Opening sequence.
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
Cena starts fast as has been his custom so far but misses a charge, sending him flying out to the floor. Back in and Jericho takes too long on top, allowing Cena to dropkick him down. A belly to belly and DDT get two each on Chris so he hits Cena low for the quick DQ.
Post match Jericho puts Cena in the Walls of Jericho and beats him down with a chair.
A smiling Bischoff arrives.
Bischoff goes looking for Hulk Hogan. Hint: it’s the room with the HULK HOGAN sign on the door. Hulk doesn’t seem interested and tells Eric that they’re not down south anymore. Eric asks if Edge is really attached to Smackdown but Hulk still doesn’t seem convinced.
Hurricane vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Chavo slaps the handshake away and gets taken down by a neckbreaker. Hurricane blows his knee out on a leapfrog though and Chavo wraps it around the post. The Tree of Woe makes things worse but Hurricane grabs him by the throat. Cole: “I think it might be the chokeslam!” That’s enough of a tip off for Chavo to take the knee out again. The knee is fine enough for a Shining Wizard and Blockbuster for two each but Chavo gets all fired up. A Brock Lock with Chavo lifting Hurricane up for a kind of powerbomb sets up an STF to make Hurricane tap.
Rating: C. The match was fine though I’d still like to point out that Chavo isn’t interesting on his own. He’s someone who really needs a gimmick because there’s just not enough there on his own. He looked extra vicious tonight though and the leg work was good stuff. Chavo can wrestle a totally acceptable match but that doesn’t mean he’s interesting.
Chavo is sick of these Rey Mysterio videos and challenges him to a match next week.
Vince arrives.
Rico offers Bischoff his services but Eric runs into Vince. Eric says he’s off to see the Rock to show off ruthless aggression.
Undertaker had a sitdown interview earlier (that’s not something you see every day) which he turns into a promo about how Rock and Angle are in for beatings. He and Angle could fight a thousand times and Kurt could never make him tap. This was a pretty rambling promo but Undertaker doesn’t get a lot of practice.
Billy and Chuck vs. Hardcore Holly/Big Valbowski
Billy punches Holly down in the corner to start but Hardcore hits his kick to the very lower ribs (Tazz: “This might not even hurt Billy!”) to take over. The partners come in with the veterans keeping Chuck in trouble. A belly to belly puts Hardcore down but the advantage lasts all of a few seconds until a double clothesline drops both of them. Venis gets a hot tag with what had to be a sweetened crowd pop. Everything breaks down and the Alabama Slam into the Money Shot finishes Billy.
Rating: D+. Sure why not. It’s not like the tag division has anywhere to go but up so give a new team a win to make them players. I know it’s not much and Holly/Venis aren’t going to be anything serious but it’s better to try to do something instead of running the same teams over and over again. Also, you can almost guarantee a passable match from the veterans and that’s better than taking a gamble on someone who won’t go anywhere and could put on a disaster.
Edge/Hulk Hogan/Rikishi vs. Un-Americans
It’s Edge and Storm to get things going and the other Canadians are quickly tripping Edge from the floor. The fans already want Hogan as we take an early break. Back with Edge still in trouble, including a chinlock from Test. The big boot misses though and Edge gets in the half nelson faceplant but Storm breaks up the tag. Do Canadian schools teach you how to cut off the ring? Edge powerslams Lance and brings Hogan in as everything breaks down. Storm’s superkick triggers the Hulk Up but Test breaks up the Stinkface. Not that it matters as Edge spears Christian and hits the Edgecution for the pin on Storm.
Rating: C+. Totally fine six man here and, again, they kept Hogan’s in ring time limited. The fans love him and want to see him do his stuff so why let him ruin a match due to age and physical limitations? This was exactly what it should have been, save for Rikishi being a bit of an odd fit with the champs.
Bischoff gives Rock his sales pitch and Rock says he’ll be at Raw….because he’ll be the new Undisputed Champion. See, Rock could go on any show and be a success. Rock could even show up on Frasier and make it electrifying. Bischoff thinks Rock would have been great on Nitro but Rock says he was too busy helping to put WCW out of business.
Here’s Vince to announce the new GM. Before we get there though, Vince says any talent can negotiate with any show if they’re interested. The Smackdown General Manager tried to put Vince out of business as well and has a history of ruthless aggression. The new boss is…..Stephanie McMahon, because being banished FOREVER means less than four months. As expected, she takes WAY too long to get to the point while screeching a lot. Short version: HHH is signing with Smackdown and she’s going to throw Bischoff out.
Stephanie goes to the back in full power walk mode to find Bischoff talking to the Un-Americans. We get the big staredown that a total of four people care about. Bischoff is willing to leave but says a lot can happen in three days. He’ll see her at Vengeance, assuming her AMAZING PRESENCE doesn’t melt him before then.
So yeah…..this isn’t a surprise. Everyone knew Stephanie’s banishment would never last because WWE exists as a way to make her look awesome. Ignore the fact that people don’t care and Stephanie’s angry voice is more funny than intimidating. This is the new version of Vince vs. Flair and Stephanie is a weaker talker than either of them, meaning things are already looking down.
Tajiri vs. Billy Kidman
The announcers hit the “let’s praise Stephanie” button in a hurry as the match is easily ignored. Tajiri fires off some chops in the corner but the reversal is enough to make the announcers acknowledge the match, only 54 seconds after the bell. Kidman gets caught in the Tarantula and we hit a chinlock to keep things slow. A good superkick drops Kidman but he bulldogs Tajiri down and drops the Shooting Star for the pin.
Rating: C. This was a victim of time as there’s only so much you can do in about 3:45 with a chinlock in the middle and a crowd that is still annoyed at the Stephanie announcement. The cruiserweights are starting to get somewhere and it’s only going to get better with Mysterio coming in as the division’s star.
Jamie Noble comes after Kidman and, with the help of Tajiri’s mist, powerbomb him down.
Jericho goes to see Stephanie and is given a match with Edge next week. Swearing ensues after he leaves.
Rey Mysterio is here next week.
The announcers run down the Vengeance card.
Kurt Angle vs. The Rock
Before the match, Angle promises to make Rock tap. Undertaker comes out to watch so just pencil in the post match brawl now. Rock charges to the ring and does those one punch knockdowns. They head outside with Rock suplexing him on the ramp but getting catapulted into the post for one of those awesome bumps.
Angle stomps him down and gets two off a clothesline, only to walk into a belly to belly. There will be no suplexing our American hero though and the rolling German suplexes get two on Rock. Angle spends a bit too much time talking to Undertaker but is perfectly fine with more suplexes.
A long chinlock fills in some time before the Angle Slam, with Rock bumping so hard it almost looked like a reverse AA, gets two. Rock pops back up and grabs the quickly broken Sharpshooter. They head outside with Rock going after Undertaker, only to catch Angle in the spinebuster without much effort. The People’s Elbow is loaded up but Undertaker comes in for the DQ.
Rating: B-. Not a great match or anything but perfectly acceptable as a big time TV main event, especially with Rock making his big comeback here. The triple threat will be fine and as long as it gets the title off of Undertaker, everything will be fine. Angle and Rock always have chemistry together and this was good, especially given the circumstances.
Post match Angle chairs Undertaker down and puts Rock in the ankle lock.
HHH is going to his limo (Was he even on the show?) when Stephanie comes up to him. She wants to have a professional discussion with him but HHH only asks if she’s gaining weight. He gets in the limo and Bischoff is waiting for him. Stephanie shouts a lot (I’m shocked) to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. I really can’t emphasize how much that Stephanie announcement sucked the life out of this show. It really does make you realize how much none of this show or company matter because it’s all about the McMahons. Even the Rock, who might be the most charismatic wrestler of all time, could barely make a dent in what Stephanie brings to this show. It’s an entertaining night but you can really feel where things change all at once.
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Smackdown – July 4, 2002 (2016 Redo): America is the Land of Stolen Finishes
Smackdown Date: July 4, 2002
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’ve got a huge holiday show here with Kurt Angle challenging the Undertaker for the World Title a few days after Undertaker defended against Jeff Hardy in a ladder match. Other than that Smackdown has become the breeding ground for the new generation so it should be interesting to see where John Cena, Randy Orton and Batista go from here. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Chris Jericho injuring Edge a few weeks back and hurting the shoulder even worse. Then a few weeks later Edge came back and saved Hulk Hogan from the same fate so now we have a new Can-Am Connection.
Opening sequence.
Based on that one interaction, Hogan and Edge get a Tag Team Title shot. Somehow I’m not annoyed by this development.
Lillian Garcia (looking absolutely stunning) does her usual amazing rendition of America the Beautiful….until Lance Storm, Christian and Test interrupt to some awesome heel heat. Christian thinks the fans don’t even know why they’re celebrating other than Will Smith defeating a bunch of aliens. Storm brings up Americans going to war over the years and says America lost in Vietnam. All three together: “AMERICA SUCKS!”
Rikishi vs. Lance Storm
Storm gets sent outside to start and Rikishi knocks him out of the air upon reentry. Rikishi sits on the chest but has to deal with Test and Christian, meaning the Banzai Drop doesn’t work. Test boots him in the head and Storm gets the cheap pin. Nothing to see here but the Canadians interrupting the song was great.
We recap John Cena’s debut. He really did come off as a star upon debut and people noticed. The fact that he gave Angle a run for his money was important too as he wasn’t fighting some joke in a squash that didn’t mean anything. It’s a great debut and really one of the best in a good while.
Stacy Keibler brings Cena to see Vince and, as she does with everyone, likes what she sees in the rookie.
Reverend D-Von/Batista vs. Randy Orton/Big Valbowski
Venis hammers on the monster to start until Batista blasts him with the kind of clothesline you expect to see from someone like Batista. D-Von comes in and runs into a raised boot, allowing the tag off to Orton. Randy is quickly neckbreakered so it’s back to Val for the Blue Thunder Bomb. Everything breaks down and Batista goes shoulder first into the post. It doesn’t really matter though as a spinebuster plants Orton for the pin.
Rating: C. This was fine and that’s the kind of thing Smackdown needs a lot more of. The story of Orton needing the right partner to take these two down is a good enough idea and gives us a reason to care about Orton while being impressed by Batista. They’re developing these guys and that’s the best thing that can be done at the moment.
Jericho is ranting to Vince about Edge so the match is made for Vengeance. Cena comes in and Vince actually praises him for last week. Jericho isn’t impressed and asks where the ruthless aggression is. Cena slaps the taste out of his mouth (sounded great) and leaves. Again: Cena is coming off like a star and has the backbone to make it stick.
During the break, Vince made Cena vs. Jericho for tonight.
Angle blames a nasty case of the flu for his performance against Cena last week but he’s ready for the Undertaker. We see an Angle narrated video about how hot he’s been lately, including making Hogan tap. Angle talks about how awesome he is and actually quotes Kid Rock to say he’s ready.
Billy and Chuck are a bit sore (too much walking you see) but they split hot dogs. Rico comes in and yells at them for not taking their title defense seriously.
Clip of Rock from earlier this year making fun of a cameraman who said he was going to win the Royal Rumble. Rock is back next week.
Tag Team Titles: Edge/Hulk Hogan vs. Billy and Chuck
Edge and Hogan are challenging if that somehow wasn’t clear. Hogan, with the red, white and blue boa, gets an extended entrance and Edge holds the American flag. Hogan shoves Chuck around to start and punches him in the face for daring to mock the poses. Billy comes in to face Hogan for a weird generational clash.
It’s off to Edge who gets beaten down in the corner (always stick with American) with Chuck slowly slamming him down. The fans want Hogan (duh) but settle for Rico kicking Billy by mistake. It’s not that bad though as Billy is back up with a bulldog to send Edge into the steps for two.
Back in and that half nelson faceplant gets Edge out of trouble and there’s the hot tag to Hogan. Chuck superkicks Hulk down to break up the legdrop but Edge comes off the top with a double clothesline to drop the champs. Billy gets speared and it’s a double boot followed by a double legdrop to Chuck for the pin and the titles.
Rating: C-. I really can’t get mad at this as it’s not like Billy and Chuck are some unstoppable team. They had just won the titles back from the dynamic duo of Rikishi and Rico a few weeks back so this is hardly some tragedy. Hogan is going to be much better suited giving someone like Edge a rub than being in the main event. Leaving him in the ring for all of two minutes is a good way to run a tag match and this perfectly acceptable.
Chris Jericho vs. John Cena
Jericho goes right after him at the bell and ties up the slap score early on. The Walls are broken up with a catapult into the corner, followed by a spinebuster to send Jericho outside. Back in and Jericho gets dropkicked out of the corner as we hear about Cena’s pre-WWE athletic career for the first time. The Walls are countered again, this time with a small package for two. Cena rolls away from the Lionsault and gets two more off a rollup, only to have the Flashback (sleeper drop) give Jericho the pin. The feet on the ropes helped too.
Rating: B-. Not quite as hot as last week’s match against Angle but it’s very clear that Cena is a star in the making. He’s got that fire in his eyes and there’s no way to fake something like that. Good match here again as Cena continues to look like a better prospect than Lesnar at this point, at least once the bell rings.
You know Rey Mysterio? He’ll be here soon.
Rock once shoved Vince’s face in Rikishi’s thong.
We look at Shawn Michaels announcing HHH will be joining the NWO.
We go back to Divas Undressed which resulted in a catfight because that’s how women act in WWE.
GET THE F OUT!
Earlier today in the trailer park, Jamie Noble showed Nidia their new trailer. Redneck humor really isn’t my thing, but Nidia is no Rhyno eating cheese and crackers.
Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler
Bra and panties. This has all the old standards: cartwheels, rollups, the referee getting rolled over, Torrie wins in a clean sweep. There’s just nothing to say about these things and there’s no secret to what they’re doing.
Torrie strips to reveal stars and stripes underwear.
Video on Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy including Undertaker teasing a face turn after the match.
Undertaker is ready to fight anyone.
HHH has a DVD.
WWE Undisputed Title: Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker
Undertaker is defending of course and Angle is shoved into the corner to start. Angle’s headlock doesn’t get him very far as another shove has him in trouble. Back in and Undertaker starts picking up the pace (I’m shocked too) with a clothesline, followed by Snake Eyes into the big boot.
The first German suplex breaks the champ’s momentum though and it’s time to trade big shots in the corner. A DDT gives Undertaker two but the Tombstone is countered into the ankle lock. In a rare good job by commentary, Cole brings up Angle recently doing the seemingly impossible by making Hogan tap so the hold doesn’t feel like a waste of time.
The hold stays on for a good while until Undertaker flips him away and grabs a chokeslam for two. Back up and Undertaker loads up the Last Ride but gets pulled down into a triangle choke. Undertaker stacks him up for a cover and taps at the same time the referee counts three for an infamous (and stolen from the UFC) finish, meaning it’s a draw.
Rating: C+. Good but not great match though the ending is still solid. This actually felt interesting as Angle had been one of the best in the company for a long time now so putting him back into the title picture had to be done, if nothing else for some fresh blood. The rest of the match was good enough but the ending brings it up a lot.
Controversy reigns (with the fans being VERY unhappy) and the match is ruled a draw, meaning Undertaker is still champion. Angle attacks Undertaker to end the show with Tazz of all people summing it up perfectly: the Undisputed Title is in dispute.
Overall Rating: C+. You can see pieces moving around here and above all else, it seems like there’s an idea behind a lot of what’s going on here. The young talent is getting pushed and there’s something new in the main event scene. In other words, there’s some hope around here, which is the kind of thing that WWE had needed for so long.
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Smackdown Date: June 6, 2002
Location: Cox Convention Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re two and a half weeks away from King of the Ring and it looks like we’re coming up on Hulk Hogan vs. Kurt Angle and HHH challenging the Undertaker for the WWE World Title. Neither of those are exactly interesting but I’ll take it over Hogan being in the main event again. We also get to find out where Edge goes from here after getting a pretty decisive win in his feud with Kurt. Let’s get to it.
Most of the roster is in the ring. Vince comes out and says the winner gets a title shot at King of the Ring. Just in case the next challenger wasn’t clear when Undertaker beat HHH up last week. This is another segment that didn’t need to air. Just have the ring announcer say this is for a title shot and then the announcers can repeat it. Vince: “The battle royal begins NOW!” So they’re not waiting until later and bringing everyone back out?
Battle Royal
D-Von, Lance Storm, Test, Val Venis, Albert, Faarooq, Kidman, Randy Orton, Hardcore Holly, Chavo Guerrero, Christian, Hurricane, Godfather, Al Snow, Mark Henry, HHH, Hulk Hogan, Chris Jericho, Hugh Morrus, Kurt Angle
Godfather, in his final match with the company, and Faarooq are thrown out early on to clear some space. D-Von follows them out and that’s got to be racist somehow. Test gets rid of Kidman to avoid an Affirmative Action issue and Christian throws Venis out. Christian is eliminated, followed by HHH being thrown through the ropes for a double beating by Test and Storm, neither of whom have been eliminated either.
Orton and Jericho go out next with Henry eliminating Storm and Chavo a few seconds later. A chokeslam to Angle is quickly countered and there go Hurricane and Hugh Morrus. Angle stays hot by getting rid of Albert and throwing Holly through the ropes. Henry is tossed as well and we’re down to Holly, Test, Angle, Jericho, HHH and Hogan. HHH knees Angle in the face and Holly actually throws Kurt out. So Holly is the latest veteran getting a push? Maybe, but he certainly does get a big boot from Test to get us down to four.
The evil Canadians double team our resident superheroes for all of five seconds before Jericho and Test are thrown out, leaving us with the big showdown. We get the staredown and Hogan rips off the shirt. Wouldn’t HHH benefit from kicking him while his arms are busy? Instead HHH hits a Cactus Clothesline and we’ve got two winners.
Rating: D-. This was bad even by battle royal standards with little doubt about who was winning. Why Hogan is still anywhere near the main event scene is beyond me as this run has been one of the biggest disasters in a long time. I get why they wouldn’t want to announce Hogan vs. HHH all over again but was there no better way to do this?
Post break Vince comes on screen to say he’s called Undertaker, who doesn’t care who he faces at King of the Ring. Therefore, there’s going to be a regular #1 contenders match later tonight, making that whole battle royal entirely pointless.
Angle thinks it’s Screw Kurt Angle Month and wants to fight Holly tonight. I get the idea of elevating people, but they’re elevating the same characters who have been around for years. Val Venis is still Val Venis, Test is still Test and Hardcore Holly is still Hardcore Holly. You can’t just throw these same tired acts out there and expect it to go anywhere. At least Storm has only been around for about a year and is still relatively fresh, but almost everyone else feels like a lost cause.
Billy and Chuck are annoyed at Rico for losing the titles. Rico comes in and says they’ve let themselves go, including Billy having a pimple on his cheek. Yes that cheek, which we get to see due to reasons of comedy.
Tag Team Titles: Rikishi/Rico vs. Billy and Chuck
Billy and Chuck are challenging and this is under elimination rules for no apparent reason. Rico and Chuck get things started and a wristlock makes Rico tap in five seconds. Tazz: “Looks like Rico has a limp wrist.” Cole thinks Rico did that on purpose. Rikishi cleans house on his own because the Brand Split has turned Rikishi into some kind of juggernaut who can beat up former Tag Team Champions. A Samoan drop gets rid of Billy so we’re down to Rikishi vs. Chuck for the Tag Team Titles in about two minutes.
The eliminated Billy sends Rikishi into the steps as Rico removes a turnbuckle pad. Something resembling Snake Eyes sends Rikishi into the buckle for two more. Billy’s interference fails so Rico kicks Rikishi in the face, setting up a superkick from Chuck to give Billy and Chuck the titles back, despite Rikishi’s foot being on the ropes.
Rating: F. I’m really not sure if this was an upgrade or another step down. To recap the last two weeks: Rico was thrown into this story by Vince (never involved again), won the Tag Team Titles, failed to screw his partner (and himself) over and then succeeded in screwing him over to give the titles back to Billy and Chuck. This story served no purpose other than to waste the teams’ time and devalue the titles without even offering any comedy. Oh and Rikishi is now a big deal for some reason.
I know the Dudleyz and the Hardyz are stale but they’re WAY better than this. Does Billy and Chuck vs. Matt and Jeff sound worse than this mess? Is there any reason why the titles aren’t on both shows? Raw doesn’t exactly have a ton of tag teams either but at least it opens up some more options. Do something with these things because they’re horrible right now.
Hurricane finds a note in catering saying whoever is leaving these notes is in his locker room. Wait…..wouldn’t he have JUST BEEN THERE? When was that note placed? Back from a break and Hurricane finds Nidia in his locker room. Apparently they hooked up once but Hurricane says it’s over. Cue Jamie Noble to jump him from behind because he’s with Nidia now. So there’s your next Cruiserweight Title feud and another vindictive woman because that’s one of the two ways WWE books women: vindictive or sleeping with anyone who can get them ahead.
Also, what was the point of the notes? The picture Nidia was cropped out of last week looked like any standard photo of a wrestler posing with a fan but it was supposed to be some relationship? Ok, fine, but what was gained by teasing notes if it was just “oh hi Hurricane, I’m Nidia. Remember when we used to sleep together, which doesn’t seem to cause any major issues?”? The division has all of four people at the moment. It’s ok to just introduce someone as a new challenger.
King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Christian vs. Big Valbowski
If officially renaming Val by one of his own nicknames is the best they can do for a repackaging, they’re in a lot of trouble. Christian jumps him at the bell (that’s getting way too common) and gets two off a suplex. Val comes back with a spinebuster and a reverse figure four of all things. He might not be the most interesting person in the ring but Val always seemed like he was trying and new holds like that are a reason why. The Unprettier is countered into the Blue Thunder Bomb to give Venis the pin.
Rating: C-. Not much here but I was always a bit of a Val fan. Neither is exactly an interesting option but Christian is much higher up on the totem pole than Venis. Like I said earlier: they’re trying to move some people up the roster but fans are going to see Val Venis and roll their eyes.
Linda and Jackie (the Tough Enough winners) come in to introduce themselves to Vince. The boss is of course impressed but here’s Ivory to yell about respect and etiquette. Vince makes a match….for Velocity. Their big draws so far have been a lingerie match and now this. And people wonder why Velocity never went anywhere.
Kurt Angle vs. Hardcore Holly
Holly ducks a right hand to start and scores with a hot shot. A sleeper slows Holly down and Cole calls Holly the toughest man in WWE today. Ok then. Holly reverses into a sleeper of his own which is reversed into a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. Angle goes shoulder first into the post and a powerslam give Hardcore two.
Things are picking up a bit so Angle picks Holly up off the top turnbuckle for the running belly to belly superplex. Holly comes right back with a powerbomb but the Alabama Slam is countered into an ankle lock. There’s no tap since Holly is tough so Angle rolls him up, while grabbing the rope, for the pin instead.
Rating: C+. Actually good here, which is the case for most of these veterans receiving renewed pushes. They’re certainly better than stuff like Tommy Dreamer’s vomit over on Raw but they’re not exactly interesting. That being said, I’ll definitely take veterans having watchable matches over gross out humor every single day.
Holly hits the Alabama Slam but can’t get the wig off as Kurt hits him low. Angle grabs a chair but gets it knocked into his own head. Why Holly doesn’t go for the wig again now that Angle is knocked out isn’t clear.
Torrie Wilson visits Maven in the hospital (broken leg) and a banana is involved. Maven tells the nurse he’s very elevated. The nurse (one of the worst actresses I’ve seen since Nidia) leaves and Torrie takes off her top. We cut to Tajiri at the nurse’s desk, trying to find Maven’s room. For some reason Tajiri grabs his side like he’s having an appendicitis but stands up and goes to Maven’s room.
We look back at the end of the battle royal and the announcers argue over Hogan vs. HHH.
Tajiri is now posing as a doctor and gets called away for an emergency. Shouldn’t the orderlies realize he’s an impostor? Also have we gotten an explanation for why this story is continuing if Maven is supposed to have a broken leg?
King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Edge vs. Chris Jericho
And never mind as Edge has a shoulder injury from the cage match and can’t compete. He has to be out for awhile but he’s always willing to take the risk. When he comes back, his only goal is to win the Undisputed Title. He can’t wrestle tonight though, meaning Jericho advances. Jericho jumps him anyway and the beating is on until Venis makes the save.
Stacy Keibler and Dawn Marie get all catty over who gets Vince. I wonder who wrote this one.
Storm tells Kidman that the office thinks Kidman is boring but Kidman gets in a jab at Storm’s haircut.
Maven is all smiley as Torrie stands next to him. Cue Tajiri to mist her and kick him in the knee. So the medical emergency went nowhere and served to waste even more time on a show full of wasted time.
Lance Storm vs. Billy Kidman
Billy tries to fly early on but gets dropkicked off the top for his efforts. A springboard clothesline gives Storm two and a hard DDT is good for the same. The half crab is broken up but Storm crotches him to avoid the shooting star. Lance superkicks him for the pin to end this entertaining filler.
HHH doesn’t have anything to say about Undertaker beating him up or having to face Hogan.
We look back at Jericho attacking Edge.
Hulk Hogan vs. HHH
Hogan starts with his variety of clotheslines and punches, one of which sends HHH outside onto his bad elbow. What doesn’t kill HHH (which is nothing) makes him stronger though and he sends Hogan into the post to take over. Back in and we hit the sleeper on Hogan with the announcers asking how much damage that does to the elbow.
The answer seems to be “not much” as the hold stays on until we get two arm drops and a finger wave. It’s Hulk Up time with the big boot setting up a missed legdrop. The Pedigree is countered and the legdrop gets two. Hogan is shocked at the near fall and gets Pedigreed for the clean pin in less than seven minutes.
Rating: D. Well ok then. This could have been HHH vs. almost anyone but it happened to be the fastest clean job Hogan has ever done (I can’t imagine he’s ever done one faster and there aren’t many to pick from in the first place). HHH vs. Undertaker was obvious and I’d prefer they use Hogan for this instead of some up and coming name as there’s not much of a rub to be gotten from a short match with HHH going over clean.
Hogan shakes HHH’s hand but Angle and Undertaker (who Vince had been calling “at home” all night) come in for the beatdown to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. This is a weird one as it’s very clear that Smackdown is suffering from a weak roster. There’s way too much down time and a lot of what they have comes off like filler. I get the idea of pushing the older veterans and I’ll take that over throwing out disasters which have no chance of going anywhere. It’s not a horrible show by any stretch but they’re really in need of some fresh talent around here. The big goal should be to develop some fresh talent and if that means sacrificing the Torrie loves Maven and Dawn and Stacy love Vince segments, so be it.
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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2000: How Did HHH Survive That?
Survivor Series 2000 Date: November 19, 2000
Location: Ice Palace, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 18,602
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
The other major story for this show is the Undertaker, who is now a biker instead of dead and possibly the devil himself. He returned in June and is already back in the title hunt with a shot against new champion Kurt Angle tonight. Angle shot up the card faster than almost anyone else in history, winning the belt less than a year after debuting. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is about HHH of course. This is one of those instances where I’m fine with the focus not being on the title match. Angle vs. Undertaker is big but HHH vs. Austin is far more important.
Steve Blackman/Crash Holly/Molly Holly vs. T&A/Trish Stratus
Molly, brand new and still quite cute here, is the third Holly cousin. T&A are Test and Albert, managed by Trish. This was during the time where T&A took over the APA’s offices and called themselves the T&APA. Blackman is Hardcore Champion. Albert and Blackman start things off and apparently Crash is here because the APA left him in charge of the office. He comes in and dives into a slam from Albert, only to be caught in a cross body.
Trish wants to beat up Crash but kicks Albert low instead. Off to Molly so Trish runs like a cowardly heel is supposed to. Test comes in so Molly bails. We’re doing a lot of running around here without anything of note happening. Crash hits a nice slingshot hurricanrana for two but gets his head kicked off by Test.
Test’s pumphandle slam doesn’t work and Crash kicks Test into Albert. Trish comes in and misses an elbow so it’s back to Molly. Albert pulls Molly’s hair from the apron but Trish can’t do anything with her yet. Blackman’s tag isn’t seen and T&A beats on Molly for a second before everything breaks down. A bulldog gets two for Trish but Molly finishes her with a top rope sunset flip.
Rating: C-. The match wasn’t terrible or anything, but why wasn’t this a dark match? The story is barely there, the wrestling was just ok, and I don’t think this really fired up anyone for the show. I don’t get the thinking here but maybe they just wanted to get this out of the way before we got to everything else? That’s all I can think of. At least Trish and Molly looked good.
Molly is about to fall out of her top and Jerry loses it.
Christian is sick so Edge and Christian can’t help Angle in the World Title match. They’re on for beers after the show though.
Tiger Ali Singh and Low Down (Chaz (Mosh from the Headbangers)/D’Lo Brown) can’t get into the building. Singh was around for years and never went anywhere.
Radicalz vs. Team Chyna
Chris Benoit, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero
Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, K-Kwik, Chyna
The Radicalz are the people I was referring to when I said a lot of talent would be leaving WCW for the WWF. These four were the backbone of WCW and all left at once, arriving in the WWF in January as a unit. Once they left, you could see WCW’s days being numbered as they took a lot of good matches from WCW and sent them over to the WWF. Kwik is better known as R-Truth. Eddie is Intercontinental Champion and Dean is Light Heavyweight Champion. I would call this Team DX but they’re actually not together anymore.
Saturn and Gunn get things going here but it’s quickly off to Chyna for a double suplex. Chyna pounds away in the corner as we’re waiting on the Eddie vs. Chyna showdown. A powerslam gets two on Saturn and there’s the handspring elbow but Saturn catches her. Chyna comes back with a DDT to drop Saturn but everything breaks down. Eddie hits Chyna in the back with a title belt and Saturn gets the easy pin.
Dogg comes in next but gets suplexed almost immediately. Off to Eddie who pounds away and dropkicks Dogg’s knee out. Dean comes in but it’s quickly back to Eddie for a slingshot hilo onto the knee. Eddie goes up but runs his mouth too long, allowing Dogg to superplex him down. There’s the hot tag to Billy who immediately charges into a triple team in the Radicals’ corner. Smart guy that Billy. Billy fights them off and takes over on Eddie with a gorilla press and the One and Only (sleeper drop) for the pin and elimination.
Off to Dean vs. Kwik with the latter flipping out of a hip toss. Kwik tries a Downward Spiral but Dean falls backwards instead. Wow they screwed that one up. Benoit comes in but wants nothing to do with the hipping and the hopping so he Germans the tar out of Kwik for the pin to make it 3-2. Off to Saturn vs. Road Dogg with the former taking over. Dean suplexes Dogg down for two and it’s back to Saturn for a northern lights suplex to get us down to Saturn/Benoit/Malenko vs. Billy.
Billy gets to fight Dean first with the Radicals taking over quickly. Benoit low bridges Billy but Saturn accidentally superkicks Benoit on the floor. Back in the ring Dean ducks his head and the Fameasser makes it 2-1. A Jackhammer gets two on Saturn with Benoit making the save. Benoit hits the Swan Dive for two is shocked on the kickout. Chris is sent to the apron and Gunn tries to suplex him back in, only for the Warrior/Rude ending with Saturn tripping Billy and holding his foot for the pin.
Rating: C. This was fine but it never got to be anything interesting. Kwik’s original run with the company never worked and the whole tandem rapping thing with Road Dogg didn’t work at all. Gunn was into that awkward singles stage of his which never worked the way the company wanted it to. Not bad here but it was nothing better than fine.
Rock is here and doesn’t want to be interviewed by Lillian Garcia.
Jericho talks about a beast that is about to explode, meaning himself against Kane. Jericho spilled coffee on Kane and made burn remarks, setting up this feud. Unfortunately Jericho didn’t get the Sanka on a Pole match he mentions here.
Kane vs. Chris Jericho
Big pop for Jericho. Jericho pounds away to start but the offense doesn’t have much effect. Kane slugs him down in the corner but Jericho keeps speeding things up. We head to the floor with Jericho diving mostly over the top to take Kane out. They head back to the apron and Jericho dropkicks Kane down to the floor. The steps get kicked into Kane’s face and the Canadian keeps control.
Jericho tries a top rope cross body but is easily caught and slammed down for two. He’s coming into this with a bad after Kane threw him through a window on Raw. Kane pounds him down in the corner but Jericho escapes a belly to back suplex with some right hands to the head. Jericho charges into a big boot and Kane hooks a freakish over the back choke, as in their backs are to each other with Kane pulling on Jericho’s chin while Jericho is in the air.
Kane pulls the buckle pad off but neither guy can get rammed into the exposed steel. Kane uppercuts Jericho down over and over but Jericho keeps popping back up. Back to the floor with Kane still in full control. Kane goes up but gets crotched to slow him down. Another attempt at the clothesline jumps into a dropkick to the ribs and things speed up a bit.
Jericho blocks a big boot and goes up top with a missile dropkick getting two. Chris’ flying forearm is caught but he slides down Kane’s back and rams him into the exposed buckle. There are the Walls on Kane for a good while but Kane finally crawls to the ropes. They get their legs intertwined and fall to the mat where Kane kicks Jericho off. In an embarrassing looking botch, Jericho hits the bulldog but Kane is too far away so the masked dude has to scoot over so it can hit. Not that it matters as he catches Jericho by the throat and chokeslams him for the pin.
Rating: C-. This didn’t work for me. The idea was supposed to be about Kane hating Jericho for insulting him, but instead this was just a wrestling match. On top of that it wasn’t a particularly good one with Jericho not really doing anything beyond his basic stuff. Their last man standing match at Armageddon was much better.
Terri tells the Radicals that HHH has a plan for later.
European Title: Hardcore Holly vs. William Regal
Regal is defending and he complains about American manners before the match. Holly pounds away to start and Regal is more than comfortable in a fist fight. Regal trips Holly up and sends him shoulder first into the post. The fans don’t seem to care about this and I can’t say I blame them. Regal works on the arm for awhile before waving to the fans. Off to a cross armbreaker for a bit before Holly is stomped to the floor. Regal works on the arm a bit more but gets caught by a crossbody for two. A low blow stops Holly and it’s back to the arm. Holly finally snaps and goes to the floor, grabs the belt and hits Regal for the DQ.
Rating: D-. LAME match here as it kept going forever (even though it didn’t even last six minutes) and no one cared. Then on top of that Holly just goes to the floor and gets the belt for a DQ? Why would he do something like that? My guess is his brain was melted by how boring this match was. I have no idea what they were thinking here.
Angle is warming up in the back when Trish comes up. Tonight is the start of Angle’s second year in the company and Trish points out that Stephanie isn’t here tonight, so maybe Kurt needs some “special” assistance. Angle appreciates it but doesn’t need Test and Albert. Kurt was so hilarious back then.
We recap Rock vs. Rikishi. Rikishi was revealed as the driver of the car that ran over Austin. When he was explaining what he did, he said that he did it for the Rock. Rock rose up the card during Austin’s absence because while Austin was there, the Samoans were being held down. Yes, they turned it into a race thing. Rikishi was in a car driven by HHH and drove at Rock, hitting him in the chest with a sledgehammer, leaving Rock in bad shape coming into tonight.
Rikishi vs. The Rock
Rock charges at the ring and it’s on quickly. Right hands knock Rikishi against the ropes and Rock hits a Samoan Drop. He grabs a chair but Tim White disarms him, allowing Rikishi to score with a superkick. A single stomp to Rock’s injured chest gives the fat man control. Rikishi hits a legdrop and Rock is already in trouble. Rock tries some right hands but Rikishi takes him right back down with a side slam for two.
Rock sends him to the floor and sends Rikishi’s head into the steps. Seriously, Rock, you’re half Samoan. You know better than that. Rikishi pops back up and drops Rock chest first onto the barricade to take over again. The referee gets run over and we head back into the ring. Rikishi pulls out a sledgehammer but walks into a Rock Bottom before he can swing it. The referee crawls back in for a delayed two.
Rikishi headbutts him in the chest to take over again. A Samoan Drop puts Rock down and Rikishi sits down on him for two. Rikishi rams into Rock in the corner and loads up a Stinkface for the humiliation part. Rock explodes out of the corner with a clothesline and both guys are down. A superkick misses and Rock spinebusters him down. The People’s Elbow gets…the pin? A single elbow apparently is enough to keep Rikishi down for about 40 seconds while Rock crawls over to him. That’s one heck of an elbow.
Rating: C+. This took a bit to get going but once they got to the big slugfest stuff it was a lot better. At the end of the day though, Rikishi just did not belong in this world and he never worked as a heel. He’s a fat guy in a thong and not a guy that people want to boo. Thankfully his main event run was only going to last until a bit after Armageddon and then it would be back to the midcard where he belonged.
Post match Rikishi destroys Rock and lays him out with a bunch of Banzai Drops to the bad chest.
HHH is with the Radicals when Foley comes in and bans the Radicals from ringside in the main event. HHH doesn’t care so Foley makes it No DQ as well. HHH still doesn’t care. Methinks evil is afoot.
Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Lita
Ivory is in the RTC (Right to Censor, a group parodying the Parents Television Council, who was going after the WWF at the time) and is defending here. Lita (former valet and now high flying wrestler) goes straight at her and the fight is on fast. A quick hiptoss puts Ivory down as does an enziguri. Ivory comes back with a clothesline as Jerry panics over seeing Lita’s thong. Ivory hits a right hand and HOLY SWEET GOODNESS Lita is busted open! I mean she is GUSHING. During the replay of it, Lita botches a hurricanrana and drives Ivory’s head into the mat. I’m not sure which of those hurt worse.
Steven Richards (RTC leader) comes out so Lita throws Ivory to the floor and hits a big dive to take both of them out. A cross body gets two for Lita but the moonsault misses thanks to Steven. Ivory misses a belt shot and gets suplexed down. Lita takes her own top off but the moonsault hits knees. Apparently Ivory pulled the belt up and knocked Lita silly to retain.
Rating: D. This was like any Raw match you would have ever seen. That’s the theme for this show so far: most of the matches are nothing special and could have been on most TV shows. Lita looked out of it in there, which says a lot for her as she got WAY better in a few years, as did Trish. Nothing to see here.
Coach (geeky interviewer) has no updates on Rock.
Jericho jumps Kane and beats him up, setting up their rematch.
We recap Angle vs. Undertaker. Angle won EVERYTHING his rookie year and Undertaker is Undertaker. That’s about the extent of the feud.
Undertaker says this is his show and he’ll win the title.
WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle
Angle is defending. Before the match, Angle asks us for a moment of silence to reflect on our favorite Angle moment of the last year. We get some Florida can’t vote right jokes before Angle lists off his accomplishments in the last year. Undertaker cuts him off before Kurt gets to the Eurocontinental Title. This is the match where Undertaker is wearing the stupid looking light camouflage pants.
Angle stalls on the floor to start and won’t get in the ring to fight. Undertaker goes out and gets a chair as Angle is in the ring. The champ hides behind the referee and Undertaker throws the chair over to Kurt to even the odds. As Undertaker is removing his coat, Angle blasts him with the chair and the bell finally rings. Undertaker pounds away in the corner to start but apparently punches himself out, allowing Kurt to hammer away in the corner. A legdrop gets two on the champ as Undertaker pulls him up.
Old School (I know it’s called that because Undertaker shouts OLD SCHOOL before going up) connects but Undertaker would rather walk around than cover. Angle bails to the floor before the chokeslam can hit and things slow down again. This is Angle’s game at the point: hang in there long enough until he can find an opening and attack. Back in and Angle snaps off a suplex to take over and send Undertaker to the floor. Now Angle is telling him to get in the ring and fight. Nice touch.
Kurt dives off the apron but gets caught with ease (Kurt: “OH GOD NO!”) and rammed into the post. Undertaker does it again because he can and Angle is in trouble. Back in and Undertaker stays on Kurt’s weakened back but Angle gets in some shots to the leg to take over. The leg gets wrapped around the middle rope but Undertaker comes back with a Fujiwara Armbar. Here are Edge and Christian for a distraction a second before Angle taps out. Like every other schmuck face, Undertaker lets go of the hold when he has Angle dead to rites.
Angle picks the leg and takes Undertaker down again before hooking a leg lock. This goes on for a bit because the fact that Undertaker hasn’t tapped out in ten years has never taught a heel that his hold is no better than anyone elses who has failed in the past. Undertaker escapes and bails to the floor to beat up the Canadians who are finally ejected. Back in and there’s the chokeslam as Undertaker’s leg is fine. Edge and Christian (so much for the ejection) have the referee again so the chokeslam only gets two.
A quick rollup with tights gets two for Kurt and a Russian legsweep gets the same for Undertaker. After a quick breather for Angle on the floor, he comes back in for a bad Figure Four on the challenger. Undertaker reverses and Angle gets the rope as is the custom for this sequence. A powerslam gets two on Angle but Kurt goes right back to the leg. Kurt throws the Figure Four on around the post but gets kicked away.
Back in and Undertaker is right back up to his feet because he doesn’t feel like selling tonight. There’s only so much Angle can do when all the work he does on the leg doesn’t mean anything because Undertaker won’t even limp. Angle hits Undertaker low and like an idiot tries a Tombstone. The counter is academic and Undertaker plants Kurt who rolls out to the floor.
Kurt dives under the ring but Undertaker pulls him back out. Back in and Undertaker hits the Last Ride….but the referee won’t count the three. Why not? Because that’s not Kurt Angle. That’s ERIC Angle, Kurt’s nearly identical brother in identical tights. Kurt comes in and rolls Undertaker up with a handful of tights for the pin to retain.
Rating: C+. That’s actually a brilliant ending and it keeps both guys looking strong at the same time. They used the same thing with Brock Lesnar vs. Angle in 2003 and it still worked there too. As for the match, most of the praise for it should go to Kurt and most of the blame should go to Undertaker.
Angle could wrestle the match of his life, but if Undertaker won’t sell the knee injury, it doesn’t make a bit of difference. That can’t be blamed on Kurt though, and the match wasn’t terrible as it was. These two would have MUCH better matches down the line too.In a bit of trivia, this was the first time in seven years that the title hasn’t changed hands at this show.
After some replays, Kurt runs from the arena to a waiting car to escape.
The XFL cheerleaders are here.
Team Dudley Boys vs. Team Edge and Christian
Dudley Boys, Hardy Boys
Edge and Christian, Bull Buchanan, Goodfather
Buchanan (a mostly generic power guy who could fly around a bit) and Goodfather (Godfather of course) are the RTC and they’re actually Tag Team Champions here instead of one of the other three teams. Bubba and Bull start things off but the crowd is kind of dead so far. Bubba elbows him down for two and it’s off to D-Von. A big boot puts D-Von down and it’s off to Goodfather for another boot to the head but no cover. Off to Christian who pounds away at D-Von but walks into a reverse inverted DDT. This match isn’t exactly taking off.
Matt comes in to clean house as everything breaks down. The Hardys take off their shirts to reveal camoflauge shirts to match the Dudleys. In the melee, the Edge-O-Matic (a reverse X Factor) pins Matt. D-Von vs. Edge now with the former hitting a swinging neckbreaker for no cover. D-Von takes down both Canadians with a double clothesline but a Buchanan distraction lets Christian hit the Killswitch for the elimination to make it 4-2.
Bubba comes in and throws Christian around a bit before it’s off to Jeff. The fans want tables but they get Jeff sent to the floor and a tag to Buchanan. Back to Bubba who runs over the Bull a few times and beats up Goodfather a bit too. The Canadians get backdropped a few times before Edge accidentally spears Buchanan down, giving Bubba an easy pin. Christian accidentally splashes Edge giving Bubba another easy pin. It’s Jeff/Bubba vs. Christian/Goodfather.
They botch something but Goodfather hooks a Death Valley Driver for the pin on Bubba. Jeff gets to start with Christian but knocks Goodfather off the apron first. Christian misses a charge and hits post. The Swanton eliminates Christian and about twenty seconds later Val Venis (also RTC) clotheslines Goodfather by mistake, giving Jeff the winning pin.
Rating: C-. Much like the rest of the show, this wasn’t bad but it was nothing interesting for the most part. The tag division would get going again soon with TLC II which was somehow even better than the first edition. Having Jeff win here is fine but without Matt at this point, the fans didn’t really care. Granted that could be said about the rest of the show too. Again, another acceptable match but nothing I’ll remember in an hour.
Jeff gets beaten up but the Dudleys and Matt make the save and put the RTC through tables.
Austin is walking.
HHH tells the Radicals they know what to do.
We recap Austin vs. HHH. You know the story by this point: Rikishi had a boss and it was revealed to be HHH. HHH explained that he did it because while Austin was gone, HHH rose to the top of the company and even took over everything. Tonight is the big fight between the two of them and it’s No DQ.
Steve Austin vs. HHH
No DQ remember. After a little staredown, Austin goes right at HHH and beats him around the ring. The initial beatdown goes on for a few minutes with Austin focusing on the back in a bit of a strange choice. HHH comes back with a facebuster but Austin immediately hits the Thesz Press to take him right back down.
They head to the floor with Austin still in full control. Austin picks up a big piece of metal but HHH knocks it away. They fight over to the production area and then to the back and then back to the arena in a few seconds. Back in the aisle, HHH counters a suplex into one of his own to put Austin in even more trouble. They fight back to ringside and Austin is thrown onto the announce table before fighting back, sending HHH into the steps.
After destroying the timekeeper’s area, Austin blasts HHH with a monitor to bust him open. The beer cooler is thrown around, leaving a huge puddle on the floor. Austin has a seat on the steps and has a beer because he’s thirsty. HHH gets thrown into the ring but Austin stops to yell at JR, allowing HHH to get in some shots. A Stunner is countered into a neckbreaker and both guys are down.
HHH sends Austin into the post and bends him around said post, now working on the back as well. A brief Austin comeback is stopped dead by another neckbreaker. HHH’s psychology is working well here. Austin comes back with that whip spinebuster but the middle finger elbow misses. They head back outside with both guys getting whipped into the barricade. HHH gets the advantage and loads up a Pedigree on the steps but gets backdropped through the announce table in a cool spot.
They head back inside and HHH bails to the corner. Apparently all the years of mudhole stompings haven’t clicked in yet. There’s the Stunner but Austin stops before covering. Instead Austin gets a chair and sets to Pillmanize (wrap a chair around a body part and stomp on it) the ankle. He thinks twice of that and wraps the chair around HHH’s neck instead. HHH rolls to the floor and they fight up the aisle again.
This time they head to the production area and then through a curtain and into the back, the same place they went for a few seconds earlier. HHH rams Austin into an anvil case but Austin sends him into a soda machine. Here are the Radicalz to attack Austin and give HHH a breather.
After referees pull back the Radicalz, Austin chases HHH into the parking lot where HHH gets into a car. All of a sudden HHH is on a mic in a stupid moment but you have to go with it. Austin is nowhere to be seen until he drives in on a forklift, to lift up the car with HHH inside. HHH screams for mercy and is dropped down, destroying the car to end the show.
Rating: B-. This was ok but it never got to the point they were reaching for. The problem here is the same as it was in 1996 for Austin: everyone remembers the rematch far better because it’s probably better. This wasn’t that great, but it was ok and a good first brawl between the two. It’s not PPV main event good, but for a big brawl it was acceptable.
Overall Rating: C-. This is a really hard one to grade. The problem with this show is that while nothing on it was bad, nothing on it was good either. Nothing on this show is something that I will ever want to watch again because nothing on it is anything above ok. If you have to see every show in the series you won’t hate it, but there’s no reason to watch this other than for the sake of completeness.
Ratings Comparison
Steve Blackman/Crash Holly/Molly Holly vs. T&A/Trish Stratus
Original: D+
Redo: C-
The Radicalz vs. Team Chyna
Original: B-
Redo: C
Kane vs. Chris Jericho
Original: B-
Redo: C-
William Regal vs. Hardcore Holly
Original: D-
Redo: D-
The Rock vs. Rikishi
Original: B
Redo: C+
Ivory vs. Lita
Original: D+
Redo: D
Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker
Original: B-
Redo: C+
Team Dudley Boys vs. Team Edge and Christian
Original: C-
Redo: C-
Steve Austin vs. HHH
Original: D-
Redo: B-
Overall Rating:
Original: D+
Redo: C-
That main event is the big surprise as I HATED it the first time but I thought it was pretty good here. Odd indeed.
Smackdown – May 30, 2002: Brutality, Bald Men, and a Strange Edit
Smackdown Date: May 30, 2002
Location: Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re still in Canada and maybe we can find the next challenger to Undertaker for the WWE World Title. As much fun as it was to see him make Tommy Dreamer drink tobacco juice and then beat him up, I could go for an actual match with a challenger instead of just random attacks. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Hulk Hogan’s retirement from last week to set up what is likely our show long story. Vince McMahon isn’t going to let Hogan retire as punishment for Hogan leaving him ten years ago. An explanation for what he means by that might be nice for the casual fans.
Tag Team Titles: Rikishi/Rico vs. Billy and Chuck
Rikishi and Rico are defending and Rico comes out to the challengers’ music. Chuck gets sent into the corner for an early Stinkface attempt but Rikishi has to deal with Rico. A double flapjack plants the big man but he comes right back with a double clothesline. Rico tags himself in as Rikishi sits on Chuck’s chest, leaving the Samoan to superkick his partner right into the cover to retain the titles. If this is the best they can do with the Tag Team Titles, drop them already because this is an embarrassment.
Hogan arrives.
Torrie Wilson kisses Maven and sexual escapades are implied. Tajiri watches from behind a door. So in other words, Torrie and Maven are Booker and the NWO while Tajiri is Goldust, even down to sneaking around behind them to eavesdrop.
Christian vs. Maven
Maven knocks him outside to start and scores with a dive as the announcers plug Tough Enough 2. Back in and Maven’s middle rope bulldog gets two but here’s Tajiri to kick Maven in the head, setting up the Unprettier for the fast pin.
Vince is on the phone for some exposition about how Benoit is allowed to go to either show because he’s injured. Since when was that written into the Draft charter? Dawn Marie Rinaldi (the last name was later dropped), a paralegal, comes in to give Vince something to sign. Chris Jericho interrupts them to complain about his match with Faarooq tonight. Vince doesn’t think much about that as HHH has to face Test tonight as well. This is your “Still To Come” segment. The Canadian leaves and Vince gets comfortable with Dawn. I guess Stacy is off this week.
GET THE F OUT!
Chris Jericho vs. Faarooq
We start with the power game, including a clothesline to put Jericho on the floor. A hot shot onto the barricade has Jericho in even more trouble and Faarooq drops a knee for two. Jericho realizes he’s only fighting Faarooq and gets in a middle rope dropkick to take over. With the wrestling not working, Jericho pulls off a turnbuckle pad followed by the bulldog. The Lionsault misses though and Faarooq hits that always good looking spinebuster. Not that it matters as Jericho sends him into the exposed buckle for the pin.
Rating: D-. Less than two weeks ago, Chris Jericho was inside the Cell in a major match with HHH. In the last two weeks, he’s had a match against Mark Henry and had to cheat against Faarooq. HHH fought Lance Storm and gets Test tonight, which isn’t much better but they’re almost guaranteed to be stronger matches. How does this stuff benefit anyone?
Lance Storm asks D-Von to take his confession…..in the men’s room. Storm’s sin: being from western Canada. D-Von forgives him but isn’t pleased with Storm’s small donation to the building fund.
Hogan is in the back for an interview but first let’s stop to soak in some cheers. Hulk was all ready to retire last week but Vince wants to treat him like an indentured servant. Vince can stick that contract in a rather uncomfortable place and Hogan will follow it with his size fifteen. After winning the title, Hogan only has one thing left to do: fight Vince McMahon, one on one. Vince comes in for a staredown but Angle jumps Hogan from behind with a steel exercise bar. There’s a big match at King of the Ring.
WWE Undisputed Title: Undertaker vs. Randy Orton
Here’s a major feud three years from now. Before the match, Undertaker actually sucks up to the Calgary fans for reasons unclear. Orton accepts a handshake to start and is actually granted a clean break in the corner. Undertaker walks into an armdrag and backdrop before a clothesline puts him on the floor. A big dive follows and I’m stunned at Undertaker actually selling here.
The Oklahoma roll gets two on the champ and a surprised Undertaker clotheslines him down. We get the second exposed buckle of the night but Orton gets caught with some dropkicks. That earns him a running DDT though and it’s time for Undertaker to get serious. Unfortunately serious means being sent into the exposed buckle, allowing Orton to hit the Overdrive (or whatever it’s called this week) for two.
I’m not sure why but there’s a major edit there as Orton grabs the near leg for the cover but a camera cut shows the far leg being held on the kickout. On top of that, Undertaker loses his bandana in between camera cuts. No idea what that’s about. That’s enough for Undertaker though as it’s Snake Eyes and a big boot for two, followed by Orton grabbing a rollup for his own near fall. A chokeslam retains the title.
Rating: C-. Not terrible here actually as Orton actually got in a lot instead of just getting squashed. I’m not sure what was up with Undertaker being nice at the beginning (just pure cockiness maybe) or the weird camera cut in the middle. At least Orton got a rub here because that’s what they need more than anything else: young guys getting to look good. Also, it makes sense to see Orton’s offense still being very basic. His big move is that Overdrive and the rest is all basic stuff. He’s adding more stuff though and that’s how he should be going.
Post match the rookie gets beaten up some more until HHH comes out to clean house. A challenge is issued but Undertaker is sent off by the Game’s music. I can’t imagine it was intentional, but you could look back at that as a sign that HHH thought something of Orton. Randy joined up with HHH in January so it’s not like there’s an unthinkable gap of time in there.
Hurricane/Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero/Tajiri
Hurricane takes Tajiri to the floor to start and does the rocking horse move to send Tajiri’s head into the bottom buckle over and over. Tazz: “Just like Maven and Torrie!” A superkick gets two on Tajiri and it’s off to Kidman (who looks really weird in regular trunks) for the Sky High on Chavo.
Tajiri goes with the standard cheating by kicking Kidman from the apron and grabbing a Tarantula to take it a step further. That just makes him cocky though and it’s time for Kidman to counter a powerbomb with the X Factor. Hurricane comes back in to clean house with the Overcast getting two.
A flip dive takes Tajiri out again, followed by Kidman busting out a shooting star from the top to the floor onto both villains. Back in and Hurricane’s music hits as a message pops up on screen, saying the reveal is next week. As a bonus we see a woman’s hands on Hurricane’s chest, meaning this is likely going to be ANOTHER love triangle story. Tajiri kicks the distracted Hurricane for the pin.
Rating: B. This is what I’m looking for with the cruiserweights, minus the angle that is. These guys know how to fly around the ring and make the division look like a lot of fun. That shooting star from Kidman looked awesome and is the kind of thing I want out of this division. There’s no need for anything beyond basic characters because the action should be the driving force around here.
HHH vs. Test
Fallout from Test attacking HHH last week and I’m having flashbacks to 1999 when this meant something. Triple H knocks him into the corner and out to the floor for a good posting. Cue Lance Storm for a distraction so Test can get in a quick legdrop as HHH gets back inside. A good looking side slam gets two and Storm gets in a better looking superkick on the floor. Back in and HHH gets the spinebuster so Storm jumps on the apron like a good evil Canadian. Storm is finally thrown at Test and eats a big boot from his buddy. Cue the Undertaker for a distraction though and Test kicks HHH in the face for the pin.
Rating: D. Here’s the thing: this really doesn’t do anything for Test because it was all about HHH being dragged down by the overwhelming odds. Test really could have been anyone here and that’s not doing anyone any good. Orton got in offense on Undertaker on his own and looked like he had potential. HHH beat the heck out of Test anytime it was one on one. That doesn’t help Test, which makes this little more than time filler until Undertaker got there.
The beatdown is on post match, including a chokeslam and a bunch of chair shots. Referees and suits finally break it up.
The cage is lowered.
Val Venis tells Edge to rip off Angle’s wig. So Venis has gone from an adult star to a censorship advocate to Edge’s buddy. That’s quite the character evolution.
Angle swears his hair is natural and threatens pain for anyone who tries to show footage of his haircut. Violence against Edge is promised.
The Hart Family, including Stu, is in the crowd.
Kurt Angle vs. Edge
They have a lot of time for this one and it’s inside a cage with pins/submissions or escape as winning options. For some reason Edge tries to take it to the mat early on before opting to send Angle flying into the cage. A spear attempt hits cage though and we hit a front facelock. The rolling German suplexes get two on Edge and he gets thrown into the cage a few times to draw some Canadian blood.
Edge’s half nelson faceplant has Angle staggered but it’s time for a ref bump. You can tell this is going to get stupid now. A belly to back superplex cuts off Angle’s escape attempt and Tazz is amazed that Kurt’s hair is still on. Edge goes up and gets low blowed back down, setting up one heck of a super Angle Slam. It’s always cool looking when someone goes flying through the air into a big crash.
Angle goes over the top and escapes but here’s Hogan for revenge from earlier. Back from a break with another Angle Slam getting two. Edge hits his own Slam but gets caught in the ankle lock. Angle is sent into the cage so Edge puts on his own ankle lock (Angle LOVED that stealing finishers spot).
That’s reversed as well and Angle goes over the top, only to have Edge kick the door open to crotch Angle back down. Back inside and Kurt tries to run the corner for a superplex but a top rope spear (more like a shoulder but the timing was hard to pull off) gives Edge the pin. So does that make it one fall apiece?
Rating: B+. Hogan really brings this one down as he feels so out of place. You have a match with Angle and Edge beating the heck out of each other but then you do a false finish (with Angle winning completely legally) for the sake of advancing Angle vs. Hogan. I don’t see a reason why you couldn’t wait until after the cage match and then start the new feud as it’s not like losing to Edge is going to take away all of Angle’s heat. Hogan didn’t help Edge get the win at the end but he was way too big of a factor in the match, which was excellent without him but just very, very good with him.
Post match Hogan goes after Angle but can’t get the wig off. Hogan’s music plays to end the show because that’s how things work around here.
Overall Rating: C+. The first hour or so was dreadful but once you get to the meat of the show, this turned around in a hurry with some hard work and good wrestling. The holes are still there with stuff like HHH vs. Undertaker for the title (though there isn’t another main eventer ready for the shot at the moment) and the mess that is the Tag Team Titles. The main event more than bails the show out though and is worth checking out if you have the time.
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Judgment Day 2002 (2016 Redo): Time Heals Some Wounds
Judgment Day 2002 Date: May 19, 2002
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 14,521
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
The company is ice cold coming into this show and I can’t imagine this is going to make things any warmer. Raw has turned into a mess with the old guys doing whatever they want while Smackdown is about Vince somehow failing to sleep with Stacy Keibler because he can’t just get a room somewhere. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is rather disturbing with a bunch of nooses and small children talking about death. What a great way to get me in a fun spirit for the show.
Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rob Van Dam
Van Dam is challenging in a rematch from last month’s title change. They start fast as you would expect with Eddie being sent outside in early frustration. Back in and Eddie tries to duck a crossbody but gets head faked, allowing Van Dam to drop a split legged moonsault for two. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker keeps Eddie in trouble and we hit a surfboard. Lawler: “That looks more like my dating strategy.”
The announcers try their hands at Spanish as Eddie takes over with right hands in the corner. A monkey flip sends Eddie flying and stays on his back so Rolling Thunder can get two. It’s too early for a Five Star though as Eddie crotches him on the top. A powerbomb can’t set up Eddie’s frog splash though as Eddie spends a bit too long dancing on top.
Van Dam still can’t hit the Five Star though as Eddie moves away, leaving the announcers to wonder how to say RVD in Spanish. He can however hit a high crossbody for two (Lawler: “Mama Mia. Is that Spanish?”), followed by a backslide for the same. Ever the cheat though, Eddie grabs a backslide of his own and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin to retain.
Rating: B. Now why can’t these two get this kind of time on Raw? I know you can’t give a single match twenty minutes a week but would it kill them to have ten minutes on an episode of Raw and cut out one of the multiple matches that don’t even get three minutes because they don’t matter? Anyway, good stuff here, as you would expect from these two.
Reverend D-Von and Batista are with Vince and Stacy, the latter of whom they pray for before her match against Trish. Vince, who looks at Stacy while they’re praying and tells D-Von to wrap it up, asks if Bubba is going to be here. D-Von doesn’t think so, despite Vince saying Bubba would be here and Bubba being shown on the graphic.
GET THE F OUT! Did they only record that one gardening bit for the campaign?
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler
Trish is defending and Lawler freaks out over her shorts. D-Von, Batista and Bubba come out after the entrances, leaving me time to wonder how we went from Trish vs. Molly to Trish vs. Stacy. Maybe because Stacy is more willing to wear leather shorts and a tied off leather top? Stacy kicks Trish in the head for two to start but gets pulled down into a Boston crab and they’re not even hiding what they’re going for with the visuals.
Trish gets in a kick of her own to knock Stacy outside, allowing her to slap Bubba in the face. Batista uses the distraction to slam Trish and give Stacy a two count. That’s finally enough for Trish as she baseball slides Stacy and hits a bulldog (more like the kind Jericho uses to set up the Lionsault) to retain. Stacy clearly had no business out there but to be fair they didn’t try to act like she did and got them out of there fast.
Bubba and D-Von get in a fight post match with Batista helping put Bubba through a table.
Vince comes in to see Ric Flair and Arn Anderson and the bosses share their hatred of Austin. Remember like two months ago when the company was split in half because of their feud?
Hardy Boyz vs. Brock Lesnar/Paul Heyman
Thankfully Heyman is in full body workout gear. The brothers are smart enough to take out the monster for all of ten seconds but don’t have Matt beat the tar out of Heyman or just roll him up while Jeff slows Lesnar down for reasons that aren’t clear. Brock saves his buddy and starts beating on Matt as the fans chant for Goldberg. Please, don’t make me think about that match.
The backbreaker has Matt reeling but he grabs a quick tornado DDT to scare Heyman half to death. Jeff gets the tag and everything breaks down with the brothers going after Heyman. Brock gets tired of these flies and throws Jeff into Matt, setting up the F5. Heyman comes in and grabs the pin like a chicken heel should.
Rating: D-. What were you expecting here? Lesnar really needs to move on to something else, though to be fair he squashed a great tag team more than once and they made him look like a monster. He needs to move way up the ladder in a hurry though because this sort of act is only going to work for so long.
Booker T. is now in an NWO shirt but cancels an interview to hit on a woman who just happens to be standing off camera. The woman has something in mind and gives Booker her hotel room key. I smell shenanigans.
We recap Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair/Big Show, which is just the latest Austin vs. McMahon clone. Flair and Austin have been fine on the talking but there’s just no heat to this feud because everyone knows it’s warmed over leftovers. They even show Austin vs. Vince clips in the build. Show is here because he’s mad about not being on Wrestlemania, which is of course Austin’s fault in wrestling logic.
Steve Austin vs. Ric Flair/Big Show
Based on the entrances, I’m pretty sure Flair isn’t in the NWO. I’m also fairly sure that Show’s low cut one piece women’s swimsuit attire is some of the dumbest gear of all time. Just have him in shorts and a Big Show shirt. Austin slugs away at both guys to start but decides to try a Figure Four on Show. Instead he has to knock Ric out of the air first and put him in the hold.
Show misses an elbow drop and Austin wisely grabs a chair. The referee takes that away so Austin gets another one and has a seat. We finally get started with Austin punching Flair out to the floor, meaning it’s time for beer. A tackle dropdown goes well for Austin and an exchange of chops give us a Flair Flop. Show comes in and because 2002 is a strange year, Austin isn’t sure what to do. His decision: push-ups. Not a fan of exercise, Show chops him down and throws Austin into the corner, allowing a tag to Flair for a low blow.
Flair goes up and is slammed right back down (JR: “From no man’s land to Parts Unknown!”) but Show comes back in with a powerslam. The team starts taking turns on the knee as this isn’t exactly thrilling. It’s not a bad match or anything but it’s just there. The idea of Flair taking someone’s knee apart has worked for years but I don’t buy the story behind the match and a match being just ok isn’t enough to make up for that kind of a downside.
Flair gets the Figure Four until Austin turns it over, only to have Show break that up as well. Austin’s back is fine enough for punches vs. chops, giving us WHAT vs. WOO in one of the more eye roll inducing chants. Austin starts in with the spinebusters as X-Pac comes out. Show no sells a Stunner for some reason but X-Pac’s missed superkick puts him down. Huh? The Stunner puts Flair away a few seconds later.
Rating: C+. The match was totally fine but it’s really hard to buy Austin in this midcard role. I know it’s one of the top stories on Raw but this is midcard level stuff at best. Austin vs. Flair isn’t interesting and Austin beating up the NWO week to week is even worse. Big Show and Booker T. are the big names in the division and there’s no reason either of them would be a real threat to Austin in the ring. What’s interesting about seeing Austin fighting midcarders like X-Pac? The feud was dead from the start and it feels like they’re wasting what Austin has left.
We recap Edge vs. Kurt Angle, which is over Edge messing with Angle’s new shirt. For some reason this set up a hair vs. hair match.
Kurt Angle vs. Edge
They start fast with Edge getting an early rollup and getting stomped in the ribs for his efforts. That’s fine with Edge who ties Angle up in the ropes for a spear, only to have Angle suplex him way over the top. Back in and a spinebuster gets two for Angle (not something you see him use that often) as the announcers discuss the shapes of the wrestlers’ heads.
We hit the chinlock for a bit before Angle pulls him down by the hair. That’s a nice little touch, albeit not the most subtle. Edge comes back with a belly to belly of his own (JR: “He ain’t wearing a hat!”) and an Edge-O-Matic gets the same. Angle is sent outside for a dive from Edge so it’s time for more suplexes. JR: “That suplex was finer than frog hair split four ways.”
An Edgecution gets no cover for no logical reason as Edge goes up top, allowing Angle to hit a great looking pop up superplex. Edge DDTs him out of the corner for two of his own but spears the referee by mistake. That means the spear only gets two on Kurt, who spears Edge right back. The Angle Slam looks to set up the ankle lock but Edge small packages him for the pin.
Rating: B. These two work really well together and it’s a great way to make Edge look like a star as he pinned a former World Champion clean to win the feud. The company really needs some fresh stars in the main event scene and Edge makes as much sense as anyone else. As usual, Angle can make people look great and that’s so valuable in wrestling.
Angle goes after Edge but gets an Edgecution. It takes too long to get him to the chair though and Kurt escapes.
We go to the Marriott where Booker is in bed. The woman joins him and the lights go out….so Goldust can say he wants Booker to leave the NWO and come back to him. The lights come back on and Goldust is in bed with them. Booker runs off with his underwear hanging down. Goldust: “I bought this nightgown for nothing!” They mentioned that Goldust planned the whole thing but I could go for him just randomly appearing in the room with them. It suits him that way.
The Cell is lowered.
We recap HHH vs. Chris Jericho. These two have feuded since Wrestlemania with HHH winning almost all of the matches. HHH then went after Vince, who set this match up as punishment.
HHH vs. Chris Jericho
Even with a lower level match like this, it’s cool to see the Cell in any form. HHH starts in with the knee and some right hands in the corner. They head outside so neither can be sent into the cage, followed by Jericho’s flying forearm to take over. Jericho misses a charge into the post though and HHH takes him outside for a whip into the cage wall. Neither can keep an advantage again though as Jericho whips HHH over the corner for another crash to the floor. HHH comes right back with a whip to send Jericho’s bloody arm into the steps. At least they’re bringing the violence early on.
The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a catapult into the cage wall. Since the Cell isn’t enough, Jericho brings in a ladder to smash HHH in the face, drawing more blood. Jericho throws the ladder over the top at HHH in a spot that always looks good. I’m actually surprised by how much they’re giving Jericho here. I know it’s HHH in a big match against an opponent he owns but they’re doing a really good job of making Jericho look strong here.
HHH’s chair shot doesn’t get him out of trouble but the drop toehold to send Jericho into the steps works a bit better. To make it a bit worse, HHH just throws the steps at Jericho for a painful sounding thud. Now we get to the bad part of the match as HHH whips Jericho into referee Tim White, knocking White off the apron and into the Cell. The bump badly hurt White’s shoulder and basically ended his in ring career.
Jericho beats White up even more (if he wasn’t hurt before, he is now) and busts him open for a rare visual. Since White has the key, the other referees have to cut the door open to check on White. That’s enough for HHH and it’s time for a sledgehammer off Jericho’s head. No referee of course though so Jericho crawls out of the Cell, continuing the running joke of THE CELL DOESN’T WORK.
They head to the announcers’ table (of course) where Jericho loads up a Pedigree (of course) but HHH counters (of course) into a DDT through the table. HHH pulls out the barbed wire 2×4 and Jericho goes up the Cell wall with HHH following. For reasons of pure stupidity, HHH THROWS THE BARBED WIRE UP BOARD UP FIRST, allowing Jericho to take it away and hit HHH in the back.
With HHH’s back busted open, we hit the Walls of Jericho on the roof, meaning a referee has to climb up. You know, because now falls count on top of the Cell. HHH kicks away and hits Jericho low, followed by a barbed wire shot. A Pedigree onto the roof (that was scary) finally ends Jericho.
Rating: B. That’s probably the best HHH vs. Jericho match ever and it’s really not great. They did a much better job of making me believe Jericho could pull it off, which is something these two have never been able to do. I mean, would you believe that this Jericho could beat HHH in a major match? That being said, this still felt like it was missing a big chuck in the middle. They did the Jericho beatdown but then they were on the outside for the final act. It’s still good though and an acceptable blowoff, though it would have been fine as a regular cage match.
Angle runs from Edge in a goofy looking chase.
Get The F Out, set to Mark Henry’s Sexual Chocolate theme and taking place in the back of a steamy car. At least that answers my question.
Maven and Torrie go on a date at WWF New York.
Tag Team Titles: Billy and Chuck vs. Rikishi/???
Welcome to the death slot. Billy and Chuck are defending and Rikishi’s mystery partner is……Rico. This is officially Vince’s decision so he indeed likes the wacky partners. Billy’s DDT has no effect on Rikishi to start but Rikishi’s charges misses both champs. Rico won’t tag in though and the champs take over in the corner.
Chuck gets a rather impressive overhead belly to belly for two as the fans aren’t exactly caring, meaning the death slot is living up to its name. The big man fights back again with some Samoan drops before sitting on Chuck’s chest for two. A HORRIBLE looking one man 3D (which JR calls a headbutt in mid air, which is probably closer than what Rikishi was going for) gets two on Billy but Rico kicks Chuck by mistake. Rikishi kicks Chuck as well and gets the pin for the titles. No reaction or anything, but he got the titles.
Rating: F. The story is tired, the result is predictable and the match sucked. I’m really not sure what else you were expecting here as Rikishi is somehow the old veteran on Smackdown. Hopefully this isn’t a long reign and we can get ANYONE else as better champions sometime soon.
Angle attacks Edge (instead of LEAVING) and brings him back to the arena. Edge reverses into a sleeper and Angle gets the big haircut. Edge wants the new chant to be YOU’RE BALD and it sounds as bad as it seems.
We recap Hulk Hogan vs. Undertaker, which is a game of how bad can we really make this. Undertaker won a match last month to become #1 contender and they’ve messed with each others’ motorcycles since. The question tonight is how embarrassing can Hogan actually be with Undertaker having to carry the match.
Undisputed Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Undertaker
Undertaker is challenging and has Hogan’s weightlifting belt. As always, Hogan takes too long coming in and gets whipped over the back. Hogan no sells (duh) and hammers away before doing a little whipping of his own. We get the opening bell and it’s time for Hogan do do his stuff while Undertaker does most of the selling, which is both the right call and a major stretch on Undertaker’s part.
Undertaker is whipped into the steps and things are made even worse when Old School is broken up. I’ll give them this: they’re three minutes in and Hogan hasn’t horribly botched anything yet, meaning we’re going well so far. Hulk actually hits a superplex (biggest spot he’s done in YEARS) for two before settling back in for some right hands.
A chop block gives Undertaker a target though and it’s time to slowly work over the knee. That of course means a few kicks to the leg and laying on it in a leglock. Yeah it’s boring but it’s also one less thing they could horribly botch. Hogan fights up and hits the big boot but the legdrop is countered into a dreadful half crab. Some rights and lefts have Hogan in trouble, though I’m not sure what’s scintillating about them.
Undertaker grabs him by the throat and Hogan barely moves, leaving Undertaker to loudly shout JUMP before hitting one of the worst chokeslams you’ll ever see (This is COMPLETELY edited on the Network as Hogan not moving is edited out along with Undertaker shouting. It’s also a different camera angle.).
That’s enough for the Hulk Up and the usual gets two for the champ. The running DDT gets the same for Undertaker as this is actually picking up a bit. Cue Vince as Hogan kicks a chair into Undertaker’s face and drops another leg for no cover. Instead Vince is dragged in for a legdrop of his own but Undertaker cracks Hogan with the chair. The chokeslam (better but still bad) is enough for the pin and the title.
Rating: D. The best thing they could have done here was keep this pretty short (about twelve and a half minutes) instead of having either guy out there for the marathons they had back at Backlash. Undertaker is a shell of his glory days at this point but he’s WAY ahead of Hogan and isn’t as likely to embarrass himself in the ring. Boring and familiar is much better than the nightmare that was watching a Hogan match so this was the only possible call in the options they had.
Vince is happy and Undertaker gets in some more chair shots for revenge to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. There’s an important lesson to be learned here: as bad as WWE can be around this time, there is good stuff worth checking out. Van Dam vs. Guerrero, the Cell match, Austin vs. Flair/Show and Edge vs. Angle were all good to very good matches. That’s half the card and a big chunk of the show that can be considered entertaining. Unfortunately there’s everything else and that stuff starts at horrible and goes downhill from there. I don’t think this changes much about TV going forward but at least we had a good two hour and forty minute show to enjoy.
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