John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan

Undertaker vs. Orlando Jordan

A running DDT gets two on Orlando but he slips out of a tombstone attempt and hits Undertaker low. They head outside with Orlando managing to whip Undertaker into the steps. Back in and Jordan hammers away with more punches (actually fits because he used to be a boxer) but Undertaker nails him and loads up the tombstone, only to get nailed by the Clothesline From JBL for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Shockingly good match here with both guys working hard, even though the match was short. Jordan would of course never amount to anything while Undertaker was still getting his wheels back under him after becoming the Dead Man again. Not a great match or anything but it was a big surprise.

JBL would enter his last feud as champion against John Cena. As a loyal minion, Jordan took Cena on in a US Title match on Smackdown, March 3, 2005.

US Title: John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan

US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Heidenreich

Jordan got the US Title in JBL’s Cabinet from Cena and just kind of kept it. He was never anything special at all but he kept it for like 6 months. For those of you that haven’t seen Heidenreich, he’s uh…..different. And remember who he’s in there against when I say that. First up though, he needs to find a friend.

This was his thing at the time: he would pick a kid out of the audience to be his friend and would read them a poem. He chants WHERE’S MY FRIEND as he looks around for one. The girl is named Alex and she’s like 10. She can’t say the word Minneapolis. She’s REALLY excited about being sat in a chair and having a big tattooed man read her a poem. Also, chant and champ do not rhyme. This is one of those characters we would describe as out there.

Oh hey we have a match now. Cole talks about the Preakness winner being named Alex like the girl. That’s a very stupid man. Heidenreich beat Jordan on Smackdown to set this up. Belly to belly suplex gets two for Heidenreich. Out to the floor and they slug it out a bit. When Heidenreich hits him you can hear him say POW. I’m not sure if I should make fun of this or not. He might ask me to go get an espresso.

The fans chant Buckwheat Sucks which is rather appropriate for Jordan. You figure out what I mean by that. Heidenreich does his walk (don’t ask) and hammers away. Big boot gets two. Jordan gets a swinging neckbreaker for two as Alex is panicking. Jordan gets his WEAK DDT to end this abruptly.

Rating: D-. No idea why they thought Jordan should be champion but somehow he’s the best option here. Jordan was really bad at what he did and yet he kept winning for no apparent reason. Benoit beat him in like 30 seconds at Summerslam which was a breath of fresh air to everyone.

Another at Great American Bash 2005.

US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit goes into the post and Jordan takes the buckle off. That lets the Canadian hit a German on the American to take over. There was no story to this other than Benoit beat Booker to get this shot. Jordan works on the neck for a second and then fires off punches. He used to be a boxer apparently. Ok so now Jordan is on the arm. PICK A BODY PART AND STICK WITH IT!!!

Benoit had another shot in the opening match at Summerslam 2005.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

US Title: Booker T vs. Christian vs. Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit

Orlando is thrown out onto Booker, leaving the Canadians in the ring. After four Germans Benoit misses the Swan Dive. Christian tries a rollup but Benoit reverses into the Crossface. Orlando seems to miss his cue on the save as he takes forever. Jordan is sent to the floor and the Sharpshooter makes Christian tap.

NWE Championship: Orlando Jordan vs. Ultimate Warrior

It’s more of an awkward looking jog than a run. Orlando jumps Warrior during the rope shaking and hammers away in the corner, only to have the painted one comeback with kicks and chops. A backdrop puts Jordan down and he bails to the floor. Warrior’s paint is already peeling off. Back in and Orlando gets in a few shots, only to be rammed into the corner. A running clothesline puts the champion on the floor again and Warrior hammers on his own chest a bit.

Orlando stalls on the floor for a long time before coming back in to trade some hammerlocks. Jordan can’t keep a rear waistlock on for very long as Warrior powers into one of his own. They hit the mat for a bit as the match is quickly breaking down. Another backdrop puts Jordan outside and Warrior is clearly gassed. He follows Orlando outside and they fight in the confetti with Jordan in control.

Back in and Jordan mocks the chest beating, only to get taken down by a shoulder block. A powerslam gets two and a superplex to Jordan brings both guys down to the mat. Orlando is up first but Warrior starts shaking the ropes and hits the clotheslines. Warrior actually goes up for a nice cross body but the splash hits knees. He pops right back up though and hits some clotheslines and a bad shoulder for the pin and the title. No slam or splash?

Rating: D. This just wasn’t very good. I have no idea who thought giving this match 17 minutes was a good idea when Warrior barely made it through 14 minutes back in 1998. There was a lot of standing around but it didn’t really help. Warrior was clearly out of energy about five minutes in and it was becoming more sad than anything else.

Jordan would get signed by TNA because they would take anyone at the time. Here he is with a title shot at Sacrifice 2010.

Global Title: Rob Terry vs. Orlando Jordan

We’re told that Terry has never turned down a title defense. What has he had? Two of them? They call this a battle of the freaks. Ok then. Jordan is lowered from the ceiling into the ring. Taz says it’s better than walking to the ring with a black towel on your head. Ok that was a funny line. Terry is called the Global Champion of the World.

So don’t pay attention to that Venezuelan Global Champion. He’s got JACK on Terry. Terry has come a long way in the last few months. Who would believe him having passable matches (given who he is) a few months ago? They list off the people he’s defended against. Wow they sound pitiful. This has been all Terry here. Jordan goes for the knee which makes a bit of sense I suppose.

Jordan can’t even drop a knee properly. That’s hard to do. It truly is. Oh and the flamboyant and bizarre guy is wearing gold. Nothing stolen there at all. The fans thing Terry Wants It apparently. WOW I want to smack those people. And there’s the spinebuster (Not calling it the Freakbuster or whatever Tenay called it) for the pin. That came out of nowhere. I SAID IT FIRST TAZ! SHUT UP!

Here he is at Bound For Glory 2010 in a COMEDY team.

Orlando Jordan/Eric Young vs. Ink Inc.

Young comes in and gets rolled up for two so he congratulates Shannon for his success. He high fives everyone, including a tag to Jordan. Ink Inc. kicks Jordan in the corner and Eric wants to join in, only to get crotched on the top rope. Jordan gets crotched right along with him as comedy abounds. Back in and Orlando grinds on Shannon before planting him with a spinebuster. The fans want Eric but get a Jordan suplex for two on Moore.

Jesse Neal vs. Douglas Williams vs. Crimson vs. Orlando Jordan

Bone suplex gets two but Neal hits his spear on Crimson. Moore keeps making fun of Steiner and distracting Neal. Moore finally pushes him and the fight is on. Steiner goes out to help him so we’re down to a three way.

Crimson goes off to help but here’s Abyss to jump Crimson. Magnus and Young fight on the floor as Abyss rips up the railing. Chokeslam onto the guardrail leaves Crimson laying as the match is down to Jordan vs. Williams for all intents and purposes. Jordan grinds on Williams and gets a clothesline for two. Young and Magnus come in which goes nowhere as Jordan hits something like Cross Rhodes (called the Gender Bender) to end it at 3:35.

Rating: D. Considering the fact that about seventy five percent of this match was spent on the stuff outside and what you saw in the ring was nothing special at all, what are you supposed to say here? Weak match to build to a match that really shouldn’t be in a cage. It’s always a problem with Lockdown but rarely a big one. Weak match though.

Ink Inc vs. Scott Steiner/Crimson vs. Orlando Jordan/Eric Young vs. British Invasion

Jordan’s outfit of the night is a Tarzan leopard print kind of deal. I think this is one fall to a finish. Young vs. Neal to start us off with Young immediately trying to escape which isn’t an option for winning. Neal with some arm drags followed by Young with an arm drag leading to a standoff. Moore comes in and takes over with basic heel stuff.

Williams and Jordan get tags at the same time and it’s off to Magnus very quickly. Jordan does various dirty things to Magnus while beating both Brits up. Off to Neal again as this is moving too fast, namely due to having too many people in the match again. The Brits beat down Neal for a bit and a double back elbow gets two. Double neckbreaker gets no count as Moore makes the save.

The crowd wants Steiner so we keep going with Neal vs. Magnus because the crowd wasn’t quite dead enough. Neal breaks free and tags Crimson when he was wide open to tag either. After Crimson beats on Williams for a bit we FINALLY get Steiner and a roar. Steiner cleans house with his traditional stuff, including belly to bellies all around. He goes for the pin on Williams but Moore distracts him.

Young tries to jump Steiner and Crimson is fine with his partner fighting off four or five guys. Shannon makes a blind tag to bring himself in. He dances around Scott and then chokes away in the corner. Young takes his pants off to reveal some tiny tiger print tights. And so much for that as a jumping back elbow takes him down.

bone on Magnus, Young hits a missile dropkick to Steiner….and then tries to escape again. Rolling Chaos to Moore is blocked and the Mooregasm ends Williams and gives Ink Inc the win. I give up.

Rating: D. Dudes, I beg of you: GIVE THE FANS SOMETHING TO CHEER FOR! Steiner was over beyond belief and was in the match for all of a minute. The opening 45 minutes of this show should be a lesson in how to kill a crowd. Nothing has been interesting and the best match has been ok at best. Well done TNA: you’ve proven me right so far.

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Rob Terry vs. Hernandez

Terry stole Hernandez’s briefcase and Supermex wants it back. Hernandez says the Impact Zone is his house and it’s like Terry stole the case from his family. This is going to be a fight, not a match. The other Brits try to interfere, Hernandez runs them off, bell, shoulderblock, pin. Literally, 9 seconds of the actual match.

Feast or Fired

Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Cody Deaner, Robert Roode, James Storm, Eric Young, Homicide, Kiyoshi, Sheik Abdul Bashir, Rob Terry, Kevin Nash, Samoa Joe

Everyone from Young to Nash is in World Elite, making up half of the lineup here. Simple concept: four cases, one has a world title shot, one has an X Title shot, one has a tag title shot, one has a pink slip. You pull down a case, that’s what you get. Like I said, simple concept. This is of course almost impossible to call as everyone is doing random stuff and it’s a big fight so far.

Lethal goes up early, only to be stopped by Kiyoshi. The idea here is that World Elite doesn’t want Beer Money or Lethal Consequences to get a case so that the Brits don’t have to fight them. Smart actually. Joe hammers on Young as we hear about how experienced Homicide is in these. Deaner almost gets up but can’t quite get there. Apparently all of World Elite is banned from going up. Stupid but whatever.

Deaner goes up again but gets pulled down. This is a total mess with two people in the ring and the other nine being outside. Bashir goes up for the third time but Deaner stops him. They have been the only two in the ring forever now. Sheik rakes the eyes but he falls off and it’s Lethal Consequences beating on various people.

Lethal plays defense while Creed goes up but he gets knocked off by Bashir. Deaner challenges him for it and it falls off. They fight for it on the floor and Bashir kicks him in the knee and clocks him with it to get case #2. In the ring Rob Terry gets #4. Young gets all ticked off at him as does the rest of the World Elite team. Beer Money is like screw this and jumps them.

Beer Money double teams Nash and then Young. I can understand them not going up there as Nash was on his feet so that makes sense. BEER MONEY runs into Kiyoshi who doesn’t last long. All Beer Money here as they beat the tar out of everyone. Roode goes up but it’s Nash with the save. He goes up and easily gets case #1. The people that get cases leave by the way.

Joe gets in the ring for the first time as the fans are clearly behind him. He beats on Lethal Consequences because he can but he doesn’t have as much luck with Beer Money. Finishers all around now with Homicide hitting a top rope cutter to take down Roode. Deaner is up now but Joe is like boy what the heck do you think you’re doing and kicks him to the floor and grabs #3 to end this.

Rating: D. No idea what to really think about these matches but this wasn’t very interesting. It’s like a battle royal but it was messed up beyond belief. Deaner being in there way too much always hurts things. Nothing any good here but then again these matches never were worth anything. Boring but it sets up future storylines so I guess it has that going for it.

Global Title: Magnus vs. Rob Terry

Terry is getting the Goldberg push which is fine I guess. It keeps his matches short if nothing else. It never ceases to amaze me that people talk about what an alternative to WWE TNA is supposed to be and here we have a not incredibly talented musclehead guy getting a mega push. A spinebuster ends this in like a minute and a half.

Rating: N/A. The Goldberg push continues, which I can’t say I have many problems with. This was a total non-threat so that’s all fine and good.

Global Title: Rob Terry vs. Orlando Jordan

We’re told that Terry has never turned down a title defense. What has he had? Two of them? They call this a battle of the freaks. Ok then. Jordan is lowered from the ceiling into the ring. Taz says it’s better than walking to the ring with a black towel on your head. Ok that was a funny line. Terry is called the Global Champion of the World. So don’t pay attention to that Venezuelan Global Champion.

He’s got JACK on Terry. Terry has come a long way in the last few months. Who would believe him having passable matches (given who he is) a few months ago? They list off the people he’s defended against. Wow they sound pitiful. This has been all Terry here. Jordan goes for the knee which makes a bit of sense I suppose. Jordan can’t even drop a knee properly. That’s hard to do. It truly is.

Oh and the flamboyant and bizarre guy is wearing gold. Nothing stolen there at all. The fans thing Terry Wants It apparently. WOW I want to smack those people. And there’s the spinebuster (Not calling it the Freakbuster or whatever Tenay called it) for the pin. That came out of nowhere. I SAID IT FIRST TAZ! SHUT UP!

Rating: D. Why in the world do these two get a decent amount of time on PPV? Again, Jordan is shock value for the sake of shock value. I defy anyone to say he’s valuable to the company or worth any kind of money he gets. What has he ever won? When your most memorable moments are getting beaten by Benoit in 30 seconds and whatever weird stuff he did in TNA, it’s a bad sign for your career.

Terry would join Immortal in late 2010 and be in a six man tag at Against All Odds 2011.

Gunner/Murphy/Rob Terry vs. Beer Money/Scott Steiner

This should be good. We have Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner. That alone should sell the PPV. Steiner’s muscles are scary. Flair is going to be on Impact Thursday. The fans chant Scotty. He and Gunner start us off. I can’t remember which is Gunner and which is Murphy so having Tazz tell us helps. Murphy tries a leapfrog but gets caught in a belly to belly.

And now it’s Freak vs. Freak. This should be awesome in various ways. Steiner says pose, Beer Money distracts, Steiner hits a low blow which shouldn’t hurt due to the size of Terry’s testicles. There are the pushups. Off to Gunner vs. Storm now with the weather related guy doing better in this encounter. He skins the cat and hits some clotheslines followed by a backdrop.

All Fourtune/Steroid dealer job insurance at the moment. Terry interferes and here comes Goon #1. We get an inset shot of AJ because I guess the wrestling isn’t important enough to look at? Terry throws Storm around for a bit and a slam gets two. Backstabber out of nowhere and it’s off to no one as Terry blocks the tag. And so much for that as it’s off to Roode.

Roode misses a jumping forearm or there was miscommunication or something. Gunner and Roode are the only ones off the floor. Neckbreaker gets two for Roode. Spinning Rock Bottom gets two as Murphy saves. Beer Money both in now and they clean house. We get the signature taunt and Terry thankfully takes out Storm who didn’t look at his opponents for about 40 seconds. Roode hits spinebusters all around and it’s off to Steiner. With Gunner on the top, Steiner busts out the Frankensteiner to end this.

Rating: C. This was your typical six man match. Steiner was the star of it which is fine I guess as none of the heels mean anything and Beer Money is already well established. Either way this was ok but really nothing special as we’ve seen it all a bunch of times before. That’s the problem so far: nothing is unique or even special. Granted we’re 35 minutes into the show so there’s more than enough time.

TV Title: Rob Terry vs. Gunner vs. Murphy

Gunner has the tattoos. Got it. The tag team jumps Terry but then splits up soon. Hogan’s wife and Brooke (looks JUST like Linda) are here. We split the screen for a bit to show that the cops are here for Angle. People keep trying to steal wins which gets them nowhere. Murphy and Terry slug it out with Terry winning. Gunner pops up to spear him and then hits a modified F5 to win the title at 1:47. The match didn’t even make it to two minutes. Wow indeed. Bischoff comes out to applaud.

Jason Wayne vs. Rob Terry

Terry walks around for awhile and puts on a chinlock. Jason fights up but walks into a swinging neckbreaker as we take a break. Back with Jason eating a clothesline and drawing a cheer from Mascagnai. A rollup from Wayne gets no count so Terry hammers away even more. Rob slams him down for a lightning fast two before we go back to the chinlock. Back up and Wayne scores with an enziguri but Mascagnai stops some right hands. Terry comes in with a quick spinebuster for another fast counted pin.

Von vs. Robbie E vs. Robbie T

Von to roll up T to retain at 5:40.

s been going on for like four months now and for the life of me I don‘t get why it‘s continued this long. Are there really no other people that can get in on the TV Title hunt? Nothing to see here but hopefully it ends this feud once and for all.

Same idea at Slammiversary 2012.

Garrett Bischoff/D-Von vs. Robbie E/Robbie T

Robbie E vs. Robbie T

Off to Impact on April 25, 2013.

Rob Terry vs. Jesse Godderz

Back to OVW for the Saturday Night Special (their big monthly show) in December 2013.

Rob Terry vs. Dylan Bostic

Terry would be at One Night Only: Global Impact Japan.

Keiji Mutoh/Rob Terry/Taiyo Kea vs. Masayuki Kono/Rene Dupree/Samoa Joe

Things settle down and Mutoh mostly misses a dropkick to Joe and the tag brings in Kea. A Russian legsweep gets two on Joe but he comes back with a powerslam. Off to Kono who gets caught in something resmbling a running DDT. Terry gets the tag and gets the crowd to clap a lot before hitting a slow motion Jackhammer. Kea rolls away and tags in Dupree who is quickly backdropped down.

From Impact on July 3, 2014.

Tag Team Titles: Menagerie vs. Wolves vs. BroMans

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