IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: June 10, 2004
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re getting closer and closer to the Great American Bash and this week is all about the Undertaker possibly joining forces with Paul Heyman and the Dudley Boyz for the sake of saving Paul Bearer. That just screams bad idea due to some of the people involved (hint: their names are Bubba and D-Von) but maybe the others can save things. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Bearer being kidnapped and Heyman’s proposition. This is somehow better than JBL’s radio show discussions.

Opening sequence.

Kurt Angle is in the ring to open the show. He used to come here to Long Island when he was WWE Champion and people booed him out of the building. It didn’t matter though because Angle knew he was better than everyone. The fans start a pretty fast paced YOU SUCK chant until Angle says he can never wrestle again. We see a clip of last week’s brawl between Booker T. and John Cena, which saw Angle get knocked over by Cena and hit in the knee by Booker’s chair shot.

Angle wants an apology so here’s Booker to say it was all Cena’s fault. He couldn’t sleep for three days after he hit Angle, so now he’ll apologize five times. Angle accepts it and excuses him but now it’s Cena’s turn. The rap is cut off by a raving Angle (always entertaining) but Cena says he didn’t mean to hit Angle last week, because Angle would still be in the hospital if he tried to.

Angle has talked to the board of directors and Cena is now on probation, meaning he’s stripped of the US Title on the spot if he lays a hand on Angle again. For tonight though, Cena needs to apologize for who he is. That’s not happening because Cena isn’t changing a thing and if Angle doesn’t like it, he can wheel himself out of here. Besides, they’re even. Cena can’t touch him but Angle can’t see him. That’s enough for Cena but Angle says Cena has three matches tonight. Each one will be five minutes long and the first man to beat him gets a US Title shot at the Great American Bash. I’ve heard worse ideas….I think?

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Suzuki is carried to the ring on a throne with a woman walking behind him. The announcers talk about Suzuki wanting vengeance, though they’re not sure what the vengeance is for actually. My guess is for Scotty’s dancing. Suzuki goes after the arm to start and chops at the neck, with a big one putting Scotty down in the corner. A kick to the face drops Scotty again and Kenzo starts spinning around for some reason. Scotty scores with a superkick but a claw STO finishes him off in a hurry. Based on this match, Suzuki has an awesome future. Provided he can build a time machine and go back to a territory in 1984.

Angle talks to Cena’s opponents for tonight (Booker T., Rob Van Dam and Rene Dupree) so they can draw straws to determine an order, but that has to be behind closed doors.

Earlier today, JBL went to a salon and made fun of the immigrants who took care of him. It’s far too late, but this is the kind of thing he should have been doing from the beginning: going over the top and taking advantage of the people he constantly insults to show what a hypocrite he is. That’s the kind of person you want to see take a beating, not a guy droning on about a radio show and a stock portfolio.

JBL arrives at the arena, decides this place isn’t worth his time, and leaves. The driver won’t listen to him though, mainly because the driver is Eddie. So was Eddie driving all day or did he switch places in the fifteen seconds JBL was outside of the car and looking forward the whole time? Either way, JBL can’t operate a door so Eddie drives off, hitting some trash on the way.

Earlier today, the Dudleys and Heyman drank to celebrate what they did. Heyman says not so fast, because Paul Bearer was the only person Undertaker would go to for advice. Now they control Bearer, who controls the Undertaker. Heyman is going to the arena alone tonight so they tell him to be careful.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo Classic, with his ladies, is on commentary. Rey wristdrags him to start and Chavo isn’t sure what to do. Chavo gets in a dropkick though and it’s already time to choke on the rope. That’s not the best idea though as Rey sends him through those ropes for a big dive off the top. Back from a break with Chavo dropkick Rey out of the air and Classic turning into the biggest cheerleader ever, though he does think he could do it better than Jr. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back for a bit before Chavo puts him on top.

That earns him an elbow to the face and a moonsault press for two. A kick to the face has Rey right back down and Tazz starts singing Beatles songs and talking about Fantasy Island. The springboard seated senton gives Rey two and a spinning armdrag has Chavo in….and never mind the trouble as he Alley Oops Rey to drop him again. Chavo’s Gory Bomb (Classic: “My dad invented this move!”) is broken up and there’s the 619, followed by some failed interference from Classic. Rey grabs a hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: C-. Ok it’s time to get the title on Rey again. The Classic stuff was funny for a little while (his commentary is still great) but having him holding the title has already run its limited course. Either put it on Jr. or give it back to Rey, because they really need to restore some credibility to the title after the last few weeks.

Jr. is furious with his dad.

Raw Rebound.

As the parking lot is being cleaned up, Eddie drives the (now smoking and mostly destroyed) limo back in. He switches to reverse and backs into another car, knocking what looks like a bunch of crash pads onto it.

Back from a break and Eddie drives the ruined limo (only one horn left and a headlight hanging off) into the arena. He opens the back door but Bradshaw has passed out with the food and drinks all over him. Eddie gets in the ring and makes some jokes as Bradshaw is waking up and stumbles out of the limo. After putting on the hat, he sees the damage and panics. Again: much more entertaining because it’s not just JBL talking about the same thing he’s talked about for weeks.

Video on the European tour.

The following three matches are all non-title with five minute time limits and whoever beats Cena first gets a US Title shot at the Great American Bash. That’s actually unique for a change.

John Cena vs. Booker T.

Kurt Angle is out to watch. Booker slams him down to start but Cena comes out of the corner with a running clothesline. A hot shot and the superkick give Booker two, followed by a kick to the face for two more. We hit the chinlock, which Tazz calls good strategy after talking about how little time he has left. Cena fights up but gets knocked right back down with the side kick. Booker takes his sweet time though and Cena blasts him with a clothesline. A slow motion ax kick misses as time expires.

Rating: D. That’s on a bit of a sliding scale as you can only do so much with a match designed to go to a short time limit. Booker wasn’t even acting urgently here and it made you wonder what he was thinking. He knew the idea of the match (the big clock on the screen probably gave him an idea) but he was walking around rather slowly and not really going for it. That doesn’t make sense.

John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam

Joined in progress after the break (Nine seconds after the break. What’s the point?) with Van Dam spinning around and getting two off a spinning kick to the face. Cena clotheslines him out of the air for two of his own and hits a running forearm to the back (kind of an odd move). A running knee to the ribs and a suplex give Cena two but Van Dam scores with the stepover kick. The split legged moonsault connects for two more but Booker crotches Rob to break up the Five Star. Angle ejects Booker from ringside so Rob breaks up a superplex attempt and kicks Cena in the face. There’s the Five Star, but time expires again.

Rating: C-. Better match but still not good, though having Booker interfere made Van Dam look a little bit better. It’s a bit of a stretch for Rob to not be able to beat a tired Cena so the interference worked well here. It could also set up a Van Dam vs. Booker match, which could help out the pay per view card quite a bit.

John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Dupree asks for five more minutes so Angle says go ahead. A belly to belly plants Cena and Dupree hits the French Tickler….but walks into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well it wasn’t exactly great and the bonus stuff just made Dupree look even weaker than he has in recent weeks. Dupree still knows how to get booed and that’s going to be worth something but Cena is on a different level right now and isn’t about to lose to him. It wasn’t a good match or anything, but at least Dupree lasted the five minutes.

Post match Angle says Cena didn’t win in the five minutes so it didn’t count. Booker runs back in and beats Cena down with Van Dam making the save. Angle says Cena didn’t win anything in the challenge so he’ll defend against all three of them at the Bash. Cena and Van Dam have some words and Rob kicks him in the head.

Long recap of the Heyman/Dudleys/Undertaker story.

Here’s Paul Heyman with a bag over his shoulder. He wants to make sure the cameras are recording because this is where everything begins. Tonight is the night when the most powerful force in wrestling joins forces with the most creative man in wrestling. So Undertaker needs to come out here with an answer….and there’s the gong. Undertaker slowly comes to the ring and Heyman pulls the Urn out of the bag. He holds it up and Undertaker stares at it before taking the knee to end the show with Tazz and Cole panicking.

Overall Rating: D. The Cena stuff was a fine idea that didn’t work great in practicality, the Eddie/JBL stuff was an improvement but that’s not exactly a huge step up, and Kenzo Suzuki debuted. What exactly is there that was a good thing on this show? Somehow, it’s Chavo Classic, who was entertaining on commentary and part of the only story that didn’t have me checking the time to see how much longer was left. The show is getting slightly better, but it’s still one of the worst times the show has ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Stacy Keibler introduces Saliva to perform Always live at the World. At least we get some highlights for the show as a bonus.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Back in and Noble reverses a backslide into the tiger bomb for two but makes the mistake of putting Kidman on the top. A good looking super DDT plants Noble but since DDTs mean nothing, Jamie is right back up for a hanging DDT off the top for his own near fall. An enziguri drops Noble again and, after a failed Nidia distraction, the shooting star gives us a new champion.

Victoria is getting ready but apparently her mirror thinks Trish Stratus is prettier.

We recap Victoria vs. Trish. Victoria claims that Trish slept her way into a job after WWE wanted to sign both of them. Now Victoria is here to get revenge on her former friend. The music sounds like the shower scene from Psycho for a nice touch.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Heyman and Show run to the parking lot and drive away.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Eddie gives Edge the frog splash but Benoit breaks it up with a Swan Dive for no apparent reason. Angle comes back in with the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge, only to have Chavo save Edge with the title. Kurt picks up the title so Benoit thinks it was him, leaving Edge to spear Benoit for the first elimination. That leaves us with two but Benoit and Angle wreck everyone before heading to the back. What poor sportsmanship.

Shawn Michaels is ready to talk about why he believes he can win but RNN BREAKING NEWS tells us that Randy came here to watch. Luckily a sexy flight attendant gave him an extra pillow so there was no further damage to his shoulder.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T. vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

2012 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B-

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

2012 Redo: B+

2017 Redo: B

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: C+

I must have been in a REALLY bad mood when I watched the main event for the second time.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

And the 2012 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/11/10/survivor-series-count-up-2002/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2001
Date: November 18, 2001
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 10,142
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

The opening video is a cool concept as it shows all of the old logos for the WWF over the years and a bunch of great moments in company history, set to a song called The End Is Here.

European Title: Christian vs. Al Snow

Al fights up and hits his headbutts but Christian hits a tiger driver backbreaker for two. Snow gets rammed into the buckle and things slow down again. The trapping headbutts stop Christian again and Snow escapes the reverse DDT into a neckbreaker for two. Heyman schills for the Alliance guys in an always funny bit.

William Regal vs. Tajiri

Regal powerbombs him again post match. Torrie (looking GREAT in a purple top and leather pants) comes out to check on Tajiri, only to get powerbombed as well.

We recap Edge vs. Test. These two are both midcard champions after the seemingly dozens of never ending midcard title changes going on at this point. Edge is US Champion, Test is Intercontinental Champion, tonight only one belt survives.

Intercontinental Title/US Title: Edge vs. Test

Test drops Edge onto the top rope ribs first to reinjure him and the taller of the blond Canadian champions takes over again. Test puts on a chinlock as the match slows down again. Edge fights up and avoids a corner charge before hitting a middle rope missile dropkick for two. A middle rope cross body misses though and Test puts him on the top rope.

A cage is lowered.

Jeff Hardy and Lita are talking about Matt Hardy being different lately. Matt comes up and yells at them for acting strange and not being focused enough. It turns into a rallying speech and things seem ok. The guys leave and Trish comes out of the same locker room Matt came out of earlier. Keep in mind that Matt is dating Lita at this point.

WCW Tag Team Titles/WWF Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

Jeff is taken out on a stretcher.

Mick Foley is at WWF New York and admits that his job (WWF Commissioner) means nothing.

Scotty 2 Hotty is about to be in the Immunity Battle Royal but Test beats him up to take his spot.

Immunity Battle Royal

Test, Billy Gunn, Bradshaw, Faarooq, Lance Storm, Billy Kidman, Diamond Dallas Page, Albert, Tazz, Perry Saturn, Raven, Chuck Palumbo, Crash Holly, Justin Credible, Shawn Stasiak, Steven Richards, Tommy Dreamer, The Hurricane, Spike Dudley, Hugh Morrus, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Funaki

Sacrifice video by Creed. This was a promotional campaign at the time, with highlight videos set to My Sacrifice by Creed.

Vince looks at Team WWF and gives them a pep talk, bringing up names like Dr. Jerry Graham, Peter Maivia, Gorilla Monsoon (pop) and Andre the Giant (BIG pop). He understands he might be looking at a group of losers, and if that happens no one will ever forgive them. After listening to that speech, I want to go fight three WWF guys and one guy each from ECW and WCW!

We recap the main event which has been summed up pretty well already. Vince was originally on the team but replaced by Big Show and Rock and Jericho are having major issues. Rock is WCW champion and Austin is WWF Champion. This really does feel like a huge match. The video is set to Control by Puddle of Mudd which fits really well.

Basically Vince said that he was tired of all of the Invasion (as were a lot of fans at this point) and offered one winner take all match with the losing organization going out of business. Angle joined the Alliance after the announcement but Vince says Austin is coming back to the WWF, giving the Alliance reason to be concerned. Austin stunned Angle on TV recently to further that idea.

Team WWF vs. Team Alliance

WWF: The Rock, Chris Jericho, Big Show, Undertaker, Kane

Alliance: Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Shane McMahon

Everyone gets individual entrances so it takes forever to get to the start of the match. As those are going on, a few things to notice here: Team Alliance has one of the biggest WWF superstars ever, a guy that at this point had only wrestled in the WWF, a WCW guy, an ECW guy, and the then heir to the WWF throne.

Angle gets thrown around but eventually slips behind Kane and hits a German Suplex for two. Kane comes back with a side slam and the top rope clothesline for two of his own as Shane saves again. Off to the Dead Man who pounds away but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Booker to get the tag. Undertaker immediately drops Booker and hits a legdrop, but Shane breaks up his fifth near fall of the match.

Booker stomps on Rock but Rocky comes back with right hands. A side kick takes Rock right back down but Rock does the same with a DDT for two. Booker charges into a Samoan Drop for two as Austin makes the save. Rock whips Booker into Angle and grabs a rollup to eliminate Mr. T, making it 3-2.

Everyone celebrates and Vince comes out for the big dramatic pose, because this whole storyline was all about Vince and his kids.

As for the Invasion, I could go on at great length, but in short form: it was the biggest waste of time, money, and potential that there ever could be in wrestling. This was the biggest storyline you could possibly ask for and they BLEW IT. There are multiple options you could go with here. One idea is have no mention on TV of the WWF buying WCW and just keep it going with WWF guys in charge behind the scenes. Think a network might have been interested with it being under the direction of the biggest wrestling company ever?

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Al Snow

Original: C+

Redo: C-

William Regal vs. Tajiri

Original: C

Redo: N/A

Edge vs. Test

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

Original: B+

Redo: B-

Battle Royal

Original: N/A

Redo: C-

Trish Stratus vs. Lita vs. Jacqueline vs. Ivory vs. Mighty Molly vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: D

Team WWF vs. Team Alliance

Original: B

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B+

Like I said, as the main event goes, so goes the show. That’s apparently the case here as I liked both better the second time around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/10/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2001-the-end-of-the-alliance-thank-goodness/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 27, 2004
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re in for another edition of the Eddie Guerrero Show this week and while that doesn’t sound like the worst concept in the world, it might be a little weaker when Eddie passed out to end last week’s show. In other words, expect more of JBL talking about how he should be champion and droning on for far too long. Oh and Booker T. looking bored out of his mind out there. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Eddie’s collapse last week.

Kurt Angle is in the back and says that Eddie Guerrero is allowed to be wrestle tonight, but EMT’s will be waiting for him to pass out again.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam/Rey Mysterio vs. Dudley Boyz

Yes AGAIN. They really don’t have anything else they could be doing? Bubba shoves Rey down to start and seems annoyed at having to do so. Rey takes him down with a flying mare so Bubba tosses him into the other corner with ease. The armbar goes on so Rey climbs the ropes into a wristdrag to leave Bubba all confuzzled. Van Dam and D-Von come in, meaning it’s time for some kicks to the face and a standing moonsault. I’ll let you figure out who did what.

Rey comes back in with a springboard hurricanrana (which looked like it was supposed to be the seated senton but D-Von didn’t go down) but Bubba dives in and takes Rey’s knee out to break up the 619. The fans boo the heck out of that and here’s Paul Heyman through the crowd as we take a break. Back with Rey in trouble and Heyman sitting in the front row. Bubba misses a sitdown splash but it’s not bad enough for Rey to get over for the tag.

The Dudleys start taking turns on the leg but an enziguri gets Rey out of trouble. A springboard moonsault press drops D-Von so Bubba comes in for an elbow to keep Rey down. Since Van Dam isn’t into that whole helping your partner thing, Rey has to avoid a splash from D-Von and spinwheel kick Bubba to make the hot tag.

Van Dam starts in with the kicks and a top rope version gets two on D-Von. A Rolling Thunder/springboard legdrop combination gets the same with Bubba having to make a save. There’s the 619 to D-Von but Heyman jumps the barricade and breaks up the West Coast Pop. Bubba drops Rey onto the announcers’ table and D-Von steals the pin.

Rating: C. Long and watchable match here but I’m sick of seeing these teams fight. I’m not sure why the announcers acted like Heyman supporting the Dudleys was a big deal when he’s been doing that for weeks now but I don’t get a lot of what Smackdown does. I’m sure this makes Bubba and D-Von perfectly fine after all these losses, because fans want to see the Dudleys as major heels.

The Dudleys leave with Heyman.

Post break the Dudleys celebrate and let Heyman into their locker room. Heyman slaps D-Von and tries to do the same to Bubba but gets his arm grabbed. Why are they happy with just winning a match? Beating Eddie Guerrero didn’t get them a title shot or a pay per view main event. All they got was another win and that doesn’t get them anywhere. Tonight, they need to pick a victim and make an impact or he’ll have someone make an impact on them. Egads we’re really supposed to care about the Dudley Boys?

Cole brings out JBL for a chat. We look back at the chair shot at Judgment Day and Eddie collapsing later in the week so JBL could pin him. Cole mentions that some people don’t think that was very manly of JBL so we get the big tough guy voice to send Cole back to commentary. We hear the same JBL speech that he’s made for the last month and a half with shots at Eddie for not being a man. Last week Eddie was laying down so he didn’t have to take another beating.

What JBL is going to do to him next time will be nearly criminal but let’s stop to yell at the fans for chanting EDDIE. See, at Judgment Day, Eddie got disqualified because he knew he was beat. The beating will be even better at the Great American Bash because it’s JBL’s rules. This was way too long with JBL saying the same stuff he’s always said and droning on about how great he is. In other words: everything that has been wrong with him since this run started.

Compare him to Ted DiBiase for a minute. Above all else, DiBiase played it so much more over the top instead of serious. When JBL talks about having a stock portfolio and a business radio show, it feels too real. DiBiase never really explained where his money came from (and he certainly didn’t say it over and over week after week). He was just the rich guy who never ran out of money and did whatever he wanted because that’s what he did. You didn’t need an explanation of why he was who he is. The character spoke for itself and he did ridiculous things to show off his wealth (the laugh alone was a good chunk of it).

With JBL, it’s a guy who has money and brags about it, but he does it so boringly that it’s not something I care to see. It also doesn’t help that he spent all those years as a bar fighter and now he’s supposed to be something totally different. It’s not working and you can feel the energy go out of the room when he starts talking. I don’t really want to see him lose because I don’t like him. I want to see him lose so he’s not featured anymore. Those are two very different things and one of them isn’t good.

Booker T. vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Scotty sends him into the corner a few times to start but gets kicked in the face. Booker shrugs off a comeback attempt and finishes with the ax kick in a hurry.

Post match Booker says he wants another shot at the Undertaker next week. The lights go out and come back up blue, followed by lightning hitting the posts. Booker: “Alright. So you are a little scary.” Next week, he’ll shock the world.

Mordecai promises to make sinners pay for their sins. His crusade has just begun.

Danny Basham vs. Eddie Guerrero

Non-title with EMT’s on standby, until Eddie breaks the stretcher and sends them away because he doesn’t need that. The Bashams are cleared out but here’s Angle to say he’s legally responsible for everyone here. Eddie was going to fake another injury and then sue Smackdown, so he’s off until he signs a release saying Angle and Smackdown aren’t at fault. Danny tries a cheap shot and gets sent outside again. No match.

Torrie Wilson/Spike Dudley vs. Jamie Noble/Dawn Marie

I wonder if there will be any mention of Torrie sleeping with both of her opponents. Noble is in trunks for a change. The guys start things off with Spike working on the arm but Jamie sends him throat first into the ropes. A glare sends Torrie out to the floor so Spike headbutts Jamie in the ribs. It’s off to the women and the wolf whistles begin. Torrie dropkicks her down for two so Jamie gets in a knee to the back to cut her off.

An X Factor gives Dawn two and the chinlock goes on. Torrie’s jawbreaker allows the hot tag to Spike and a top rope double stomp gets two on Jamie. Everything breaks down and Jamie goes after Torrie, allowing Spike to hit the Dudley Dog on Jamie, dropping her onto Dawn for the pin.

Rating: D+. This….wasn’t horrible. Maybe it was limiting the women’s interactions or just a harder effort but that’s one of the better of these matches I’ve seen in a good while. The wrestling was passable as Jamie and Spike are usually good for at least a decent match and with Torrie and Dawn only in there for a few minutes, it wasn’t the worst in the world.

Kenzo Suzuki is still coming. Get here already so you can leave.

Rico and Charlie Haas preview Jackie Gayda’s bikini for next week’s contest, though we only see part of it. Charlie almost drools but Rico criticizes the look, telling her to go try on the other one. As she goes to change, Rico shows off his rather revealing gear of his own. Haas is disgusted….because it doesn’t compliment the complexion of his skin. Rico goes to try on his other one and Charlie tries to figure out what he’s doing.

John Cena comes in to see Angle, who isn’t happy about a meeting Cena had with the board of directors. The gist of the whole thing: the military can see the Great American Bash for free and Cena beat Angle to the idea. Angle yells at him for a bonus because he’s waited months for Cena to lose that title. He’ll even cheer for a Frenchman from ringside tonight.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. goes into Chavo Classic’s office but gets yelled at for not knocking. Classic wants Jr. to introduce him.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Classic vs. Akio

Akio is challenging and Jr. has to introduce his dad, who comes out in an old school robe. During Akio’s entrance, we see Mordecai destroying him last week. And you wonder why they’re relying on Jacqueline and Chavo Guerrero Sr. instead of their young stars. Classic takes him down and drives an elbow into the face but Akio speeds things up with a leg lariat.

His neck is too damages to follow up but he’s finally fine enough for a corkscrew moonsault. Jr. grabs the referee though, allowing Classic to kick out after a delayed two. Classic sends Akio outside and distracts the referee as well, allowing Chavo to hit a tornado DDT on the floor so Classic can retain the title.

Post match the Chavos argue over the belt a bit.

Raw Rebound.

The Dudleys kidnap someone named Paul and slam the trunk of a car on his ankle. We can’t see who it is but they throw him in the trunk and drive away. The Urn is left in the parking lot and Heyman picks it up. Cole: “The Dudleys kidnapped Paul Bearer!” Cole is really good at stating the obvious.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending in a lumberjack match with Angle watching on a platform draped with American flags. A rollup gives Cena a very early two and it’s already a standoff. Dupree takes him down by the waist as the fans start the required USA chant. That drives Cena to grab a hammerlock, which goes nowhere. Instead it’s a hard shoulder so Dupree thinks about rolling outside but thinks better of the idea.

We come back with Dupree cranking on the neck and driving an elbow into it for two. More neck cranking fires Cena up so it’s a running clothesline to cut him back down. Cena’s next comeback is cut off by Booker T. pulling the top rope down so the next beating can ensue. Dupree adds a backbreaker and a middle rope elbow for two. Cena gets sent outside again and this time it’s Booker getting in some extra shots to give Rene two. A spinebuster sets up the French Tickler but Cena backdrops out of a powerbomb. Right hands have Dupree in trouble and Booker screaming NO. The FU retains the title.

Rating: C+. It’s not as good as their previous matches but at least they had the good ending that made things a little bit better. Cena finishes off his first feud with a win and the fans are very pleased with the victory. Dupree has been an actual surprise during this feud as you would have expected him to be a one off victory for Cena but he held up his own end of the feud, which is something you can always use.

The good guys put Cena on their shoulders in a pretty big overreaction to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I’d hesitate to say that this show was better but it was at least less bad. The JBL involvement was limited to a single promo and while the Dudleys going after Undertaker makes you say “seriously?”, they had a good opening match and the rest of the stuff was pretty quick. They still need better heels, but focusing on Cena for a week was a nice change of pace as the Eddie vs. JBL feud isn’t doing anyone any favors. Not a terrible show, but it was better than recent weeks. Granted, that’s not the highest hurdle to clear.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 20, 2004
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Here are Sunday’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie, in what looks to be a card from the 1930s, though of course with hydraulics included. He’s also got a duffle bag for a bonus. The fans are very glad to see him and…..OH MY GOODNESS THAT’S THE CUT ON HIS HEAD!!! I thought that was his hair being out of place because that’s the longest cut I’ve ever seen on a wrestler. Or on almost anyone for that matter.

Eddie says he was hurt on Sunday but he’s feeling better now that he’s in Las Vegas. JBL may have taken his blood on Sunday but Eddie is still WWE Champion. He’s also got a souvenir in the bag and it’s JBL’s cowboy hat, which is covered in his blood. Since that’s his blood, Eddie figures it’s not his hat and he can do whatever he wants with it. Eddie even has a stock tip for JBL. He should invest in bandages because tonight, they’re having a fight and it’s JBL’s turn to bleed.

Cue JBL, who is bandaged up as well. JBL makes sure he has it clear: he can have another title match tonight? Eddie: “Did you get too much blood in your ear holmes?” JBL says no and brags about winning on Sunday, so fighting Eddie again tonight is an unnecessary gamble. He didn’t become a millionaire by gambling because that’s how lazy people look for a quick buck.

Instead, Eddie needs to come down the aisle and hand over that WWE Championship. Eddie says he’ll hand JBL a beating but here’s Kurt Angle to cut them off. Kurt: “Well it’s official. Everybody has lost their minds.” Eddie isn’t allowed to make matches around here and he’s certainly not getting a rematch with JBL because he just wants to get himself disqualified again. JBL isn’t getting the title either, but tonight we’ll have JBL and the Dudleys vs. Eddie, Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam in a six man tag.

Rico/Charlie Haas vs. FBI

Non-title and it’s Nunzio/Johnny Stamboli for the Italians. Rico is the hometown boy and Jackie is….well my goodness and we’ll leave it at that. Charlie and Johnny start things off and Rico offers a quick spank from the apron. Apparently not a fan, Johnny press slams him but gets rolled up for two instead. Rico comes in legally and takes Johnny down into an armbar, complete with a little wiggling. It’s off to Nunzio, who comes in and gets spanked for his efforts.

Rico does it again so Nunzio takes him down and rams Rico’s head into the mat a few times. The FBI manages to screw up their advantage as Johnny can’t hit a clothesline even while Nunzio has Rico’s foot. Instead it’s the hot tag to Charlie to start cleaning house. Jackie grabs Nunzio’s foot so he tries to kiss her but gets Rico instead. In his search for mouthwash, Nunzio gets German suplexed for the pin.

Rating: D. It takes a lot to have Rico and Charlie seem lifeless but the FBI pulled it off. This wasn’t interesting or fun and you can tell the team is starting to run out of gas. That being said, there was no reason to believe Rico and Haas were going to be around for very long so you can probably bet on them losing the titles soon. This was pretty bad, though maybe it was just the FBI.

Stills of Chavo Guerrero Jr. regaining the Cruiserweight Title.

Tonight, Chavo defends the Cruiserweight Title against Spike Dudley and his father. Chavo Classic says he might win but Chavo doesn’t want to hear it because this is his time. So tell me: why couldn’t Spike have done the exact same story that Jacqueline did? How is it that much different?

Billy Kidman vs. Akio

The bell rings but here’s Mordecai, with the full entrance, to wreck them both instead. Fair enough, as the match didn’t exactly sound thrilling.

JBL gets his head examined and tells the doctor to not believe anything Eddie tells him. Wouldn’t that likely be the same doctor who stitched Eddie up in the first place? Eh just give him a z-pak and he’ll be fine.

US Title: Rene Dupree vs. John Cena

Cena is defending in a rematch from Sunday where he beat Dupree. They lock up to start with Cena throwing him off and Rene isn’t sure what to do. A shoulder works a bit better for Dupree but Cena is right back up with a slam for two. Cena slaps on a rare chinlock before stereo crossbodies put both guys down.

Back from a break with Cena going shoulder first into the post and falling to the floor. Dupree starts in on the shoulder and takes him down by the arm for two. The Fujiwara armbar goes on and it’s a long crawl for Cena to make the ropes. A regular armbar keeps the arm in trouble but Cena fights up with some backdrops.

Cena uses the good arm to pound away at Dupree’s face and they fight to the floor. Dupree can’t powerbomb him on the floor so Cena hits another backdrop and heads back inside. They go back out almost immediately (pick something already) and Dupree grabs the French flag. Cena takes it away and breaks it over his knee but Dupree kicks him low and wins via countout.

Rating: D+. It was worse than their pay per view match and that’s not a good sign given the extra time. There wasn’t the same level of efforts here and that showed badly this time around. I’m still not sure how many people buy Dupree as a challenger to the title but it’s not like Cena has anyone else to fight. I mean, Booker T. is busy jobbing to Undertaker, so who else is there already on that level?

Post match Dupree lays him out again and busts out the French Tickler, which is a great name for such an obnoxious dance.

We see/hear the chair shot to Eddie’s head on Sunday. Thankfully we don’t see the crazy gory blade job up close again.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Chavo Classic vs. Spike Dudley

Chavo Jr. is defending. Spike gets double teamed to start, which even the announcers knew was coming. Classic gets sent outside though and Spike stomps away in the corner. The double teaming picks up again though until Jr. is fine enough to look at the crowd while his dad does the work. Classic tries a rollup on Spike for two but Jr. misses a splash in the corner. A high crossbody takes down both Guerreros and there’s the Dudley Dog to Jr. Classic comes back in and collides with Spike though, only to call on Jr. to win the title.

Rating: D. Nothing match of course and the “shock value” of the ending doesn’t exactly earn them a lot of points. The title takes another hit here as it goes into its fourth reign in two weeks, all in the name of “comedy”. It would have been easier to accept this without the Jacqueline reign but two joke wins in two weeks is too much to take.

Jr. is rightfully furious at his dad, who is too busy celebrating.

Raw ReBound of another good show.

Funaki interviews Booker T., who doesn’t want to hear this nonsense about being afraid of Undertaker. See, Undertaker cheated at Judgment Day because Paul Bearer must have switched the magic bag. Since Undertaker isn’t here tonight, Booker can have any match he wants. Maybe the WWE Title? Or the US Title? Nah he’ll beat up Funaki instead, so Funaki punches him and runs off.

Booker T. vs. Funaki

Booker pounds away to start so Funaki dropkicks the knee out to set up a bulldog. That just earns him a superkick as Booker isn’t having any of this tonight. The fans chant for Undertaker as Booker scores with a side slam, only to run into a boot in the corner. Another shot to the face busts Funaki’s nose open and we hit the chinlock. Booker gets bored with that and finishes with the ax kick.

Rating: D-. Was there any reason for this match to go on this long? The match was pretty much a squash and went on for the better part of five minutes. I mean….it’s Funaki, who is barely even a wrestler anymore. It also doesn’t help that Booker looks bored out of his mind at the moment, but if this is the best they have for him, is it that surprising?

Next week: Cena vs. Dupree for the title in a lumberjack match.

JBL has attacked Eddie, who is unconscious.

Kenzo Suzuki is still coming.

John Bradshaw Layfield/Dudley Boyz vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam

There’s no Eddie to start, likely because he’s still recovering from losing that much blood. Here’s Angle to say Eddie can’t wrestle and since Angle can win a gold medal with a BROKEN FREAKIN NECK, Eddie can join in on the match when he gets up from his siesta. D-Von and Rey start but Bubba comes in and jumps him from behind, which is the same as a tag it seems.

JBL comes in and stomps away but Rey kicks at the legs and then the face to build some momentum. The sitout bulldog drops D-Von and it’s off to D-Von, who gets taken down by a JBL neck snap across the ropes. Some swinging neckbreakers keep Rob in trouble as the fans think Bradshaw sucks. The slow paced beatdown continues with JBL hitting a shoulder and elbow drop for two. Rob gets in a springboard kick to the face and there’s the hot tag to Rey.

A headscissors into a dropkick lets Rey Drop the Dime for two as everything breaks down. Van Dam flip dives onto both Dudleys and Rey hurricanranas JBL into the 619. The Five Star connects but Ray pulls Mysterio out as we take a break. Back with Mysterio in trouble thanks to a 3D on the floor to Van Dam. Rey hits a springboard into a reverse DDT but Bubba goes over to Rey’s corner in a clever idea.

D-Von hits a delayed vertical suplex (he’s stronger than you might think) and it’s back to JBL for more of that great offense. The abdominal stretch goes on but here’s Eddie, who can barely walk down the aisle. Eddie is so livid that he stands on the apron while JBL is smart enough to not let go of the hold. Of all people, JBL is smart enough to figure that out?

Rey gets in a dropkick but Bubba isn’t about to allow the hot tag. A little too much trash talk allows Rey to get his feet up in the corner and there’s the tag to Eddie. Right hands and Three Amigos have the Dudleys down but Eddie collapses. His eyes are open as everyone stops doing anything, so JBL again gets smart by stealing the pin.

Rating: C+. Well we certainly know the power of the 3D on the floor as Van Dam disappeared after taking it. The ending was fine enough as Eddie keeps fighting but is trying to do too much and collapsing under the pressure as his body gives out. The others are just kind of there, as you could put the titles on the Dudleys but who are supposed to challenge them? The lack of star power is killing this show and it’s becoming more obvious every week.

Medics check on Eddie to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The main event was ok but my goodness the rest of the show is such a disaster. The wrestling is uninspired, the stories aren’t interesting and the new stars aren’t exactly clicking (What does it say when Rene Dupree is one of the top prospects?). It’s just a dark time for the show and it seems to be getting even worse as the weeks go by. Eddie is doing as much as he can to carry this show on his back and it’s clearly not working. That’s not on Eddie, who can only do so much with so little around him.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Judgment Day 2004
Date: May 16, 2004
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 18,722
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I guess we have to do this one too. It’s one of the worst built shows I’ve seen in a very long time and that’s not surprising given how horrible Smackdown has been in recent weeks. The main event of Eddie Guerrero defending the World Title against John Bradshaw Layfield is going nowhere and it seems that it’s what we’re going to be seeing for a long time going forward. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how we will all be judged one day, but maybe there is no afterlife and this is all we get to do. But what if there’s something there? Will we meet a callous jury or be welcomed warmly? Even this is a rambling mess.

Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam vs. Dudley Boyz

Cole: “Literally in Rey Mysterio’s backyard tonight!” For those unfamiliar, Los Angeles is about 120 miles from San Diego. Rey has a huge backyard. Bubba and Rob start things off with the fans behind Van Dam. A very early distraction lets D-Von get in a cheap shot from behind and he comes in legally just to keep things fair. It’s already back to Bubba for some choking on the ropes but HE HAS UNTIL FIVE.

Rob comes back with some kicks and clotheslines D-Von to the floor. There’s the big flip dive onto Bubba as Rey finally realizes he can do something and dives onto D-Von. We settle down to D-Von and Rob with the latter hitting a stepover spinning kick to the face but Bubba grabs a full nelson. Of course D-Von hits his partner by mistake, because that’s how full nelsons work in tag matches.

Rey still can’t come in and it’s time for the slow motion beating. A legsweep gets Rob out of trouble and it’s off to Rey for the top rope seated senton. The springboard spinning crossbody gets two as Cole says the Dudleys are “bumblebee like”. Another springboard is countered into something like a hot shot and it’s Rey’s turn to be in trouble. A big leg sets up the chinlock, followed by the spinning back elbow to take Rey back down.

The beating continues with D-Von pounding away in the corner but the sitout bulldog gets Rey out of trouble. The hot tag….doesn’t bring Van Dam in though as Bubba comes in a second earlier to distract the referee. One heck of a spinebuster lets Bubba put Rey in the Tree of Woe (Bubba: “He’s a pinata!”).

In a rather unique counter, Rey pulls himself up and hits a cutter, despite still being tied up. That was pretty cool. A moonsault press gets two and that’s enough for the hot tag to Van Dam. Rob’s springboard kick to the face sets up Rolling Thunder for two on D-Von as everything breaks down. Rey hits a middle rope hurricanrana on D-Von to set up a double 619. The Five Star is enough to finish D-Von.

Rating: B-. It’s a bit longer than it needed to be but given that this is one of the only few good matches the card is likely to have, it makes sense to give it so much time. Mysterio and Van Dam have always worked well together, but someone needs to explain the idea of having the Dudleys lose twice if they’re supposed to be top level heels.

Josh Matthews barges into Booker T.’s locker room without even knocking so Booker yells about preparing for Undertaker. He has his own power in the bag and throws Josh out. That….was rather pointless.

Kurt Angle’s lackey Luther Reigns pushes out a big platform and Angle rises up through it to sit above the ring in a cool visual. Angle insults the crowd and the Los Angeles Lakers before moving on to Eddie Guerrero causing his broken leg. When JBL wins the title tonight, Angle is expecting them to riot and hopes a huge earthquake hits the city after he’s gone.

Before we get there though, he wants Torrie Wilson out here right now. Torrie comes out and gets in the ring where Angle yells at her for ruining his career. Therefore, she needs to protect her own career. If she loses tonight, she is FIRED. Oh dear. What ever will we do without her five minutes of screen time a month???

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

They fight into the corner to start with Torrie shoving her off. A Hennig necksnap keeps Dawn in trouble and a horrible sunset flip (you need to get both shoulders down) gets two. Torrie misses a high crossbody and the fans cheer for her….for about five seconds. Some slow motion stomping puts Torrie on the floor and a dropkick to the ribs keeps her out there.

Back in and we hit the chinlock, allowing Torrie to fight up and botch the swinging neckbreaker (you need to grab something, not put a hand on the face). A better sunset flip gets two more and Torrie rolls her up, with Dawn’s gear tearing to the first real reaction of the match. Torrie backslides her for the pin.

Rating: D-. I really, really hope they didn’t have to go home early because of the gear breaking because this was already getting terrible. Trying to get me to care about Torrie being fired isn’t a great course of action as she’s nothing but eye candy and losing her isn’t going to make the show any worse than it already is. Terrible match, because neither of them are wrestlers.

JBL is happy to be here because he’s tired of campaigning all over the country and seeing a bunch of Eddie Guerreros. Nowhere is worse than right here in Los Angeles but there are some good people. Like the ones who wash his car and polish his boots. In his America, everybody speaks English and there aren’t people with eight or nine kids on welfare.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Mordecai

This is Mordecai’s debut and he gets the big entrance with the white robe and cross (not a cross, but it’s a cross) staff. Scotty is terrified and his early headlock completely fails. Mordecai sends him into the post and crushes Scotty’s head against the steel. Scotty gets bent around the ropes (almost like a standing camel clutch) and a knee to the head makes it even worse. A superkick staggers Mordecai but he shrugs off the bulldog. Mordecai finishes him with a Razor’s Edge (appropriate) to complete the squash.

Rating: D. The entrance was cool and the finisher is good, but everything in the middle was pretty uninspiring stuff. Mordecai could work if he was better in the ring but there’s only so much you can do when you were boring in a three minute match. There’s potential there, though not enough to overcome the problems he has.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Chavo Classic (with his pants down) are getting ready when Jacqueline comes in with a present. It’s something to make him feel more comfortable on the way to the ring in case he loses to a girl again. And of course it’s women’s underwear as this horrible show continues to be horrible. Ok Chavo Classic looking at it while Jr. yells at her helps a bit.

Tag Team Titles: Rico/Charlie Haas vs. Hardcore Holly/Billy Gunn

Holly and Gunn are challenging. Charlie stalls some more by not being able to walk onto Rico and Jackie’s platform. The challengers aren’t sure who should start so Rico spanks them both at once. That means a trip to the floor as the stalling continues. After a minute of waiting around, we settle down to Charlie vs. Bob. Holly takes him into the corner as the slow pace continues.

It’s time to actually get serious with a series of kicks in the corner and Gunn bails to the floor. Haas comes back in as Cole and Tazz crack each other up with sex jokes. Holly gets in a cheap shot from behind to take over and it’s time to talk about the Undertaker. The chinlock goes on as the discussion moves to Jackie being entertaining when she slaps the mat over and over. Holly’s dropkick gets two and Rico demands that they don’t hurt his Charlie.

The kick to the ribs gets two and Holly goes up for the top rope dive that is only designed to dive onto a raised boot. To be fair though, Holly at least leaned forward a bit so it could have almost kind of sort of looked like an elbow instead of landing flat on his feet. Charlie dives over to the hot tag to Rico and house is cleaned in a hurry. The Fameasser connects but Charlie tagged himself in and German suplexes Gunn down. Holly grabs the Alabama Slam but Rico superkicks him down, allowing Haas to get a sunset flip to retain.

Rating: D. Well, at least the finish was good. This was every Rico/Haas match (Of what, four that they’ve had?) and that’s not a positive. It was the same jokes over and over again with nothing interesting or entertaining, save for Jackie as usual. You couldn’t have the Bashams in this spot instead? At least they’re a regular team.

Paul Bearer and Undertaker aren’t worried about Booker T. having the voodoo bag of death. Undertaker even acknowledging that feels so beneath him.

We recap Chavo Guerrero vs. Jacqueline, with Chavo trying to get the title back after she upset him a few weeks back. This is one of the dumbest stories of the night, and that’s a bad sign on a show of so many dumb stories.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jacqueline

Chavo is challenging and has an arm tied behind his back. Jacqueline gets sent into the corner and kneed in the ribs as Chavo is already getting in more offense than he had in the first match. Some one armed backbreakers keep Jacqueline down but she comes back with a headscissors and Chavo walks himself shoulder first into the post. Jacqueline’s sleeper is broken up with a ram into the corner but she kicks him down for two.

Chavo Classic gets knocked off the apron and the distraction lets Jr. get in a clothesline. The low blow gives Jacqueline two and it’s time to head outside, where Classic unties the arm. Back in and another distraction lets Jr. block a right hand and hit a hard clothesline. Classic picks up a bunch of stuff for more distracting and it’s the Gory Bomb to give Jr. the title back.

Rating: F. I hated this for so many reasons that I can’t even cut the list down to something reasonable. If this is the best you can have for a title, just get rid of the thing. I know that’s what they probably want to do, but Jacqueline is not the best you can do. Jacqueline isn’t an interesting wrestler and why they decided to put her together in a “HAHA YOU LOST TO A GIRL” story is beyond me. It would have been almost as stupid, but if this is the general way you want to go, put the title on Rico and find some different Tag Team Champions. At least the promos would have been better. Horrible stuff and let’s move on.

Post match Chavo blames everyone else for laughing at him and says no one can laugh at him again. Classic gets in a cheap shot on Jacqueline before leaving. Now PLEASE never let this be talked about again.

We recap the US Title match. Rene Dupree is an obnoxious French guy who hates America and John Cena is standing up for the country. Rene isn’t ready for this spot but he’s trying, and I can take that over so much of the other slapped together show.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is defending and his rap is a simple one about beating Dupree and sending him back to France. Some early right hands put Dupree on the floor and Cena comes back in with a Thesz press of all things. Back up and Dupree hits a rather fast boot to the face out of the corner to little effect.

Cena is right back with a backdrop and a hard clothesline puts Dupree outside again. Dupree is in a little better shape this time as he pulls Cena shoulder first into the post to take over for the first time. Back in and a low bridge sends a diving Cena (!) sailing right back to the floor. A backbreaker gives Dupree two and it’s off to a bearhug. Cena finally jawbreaks his way to freedom and starts the comeback but the Shuffle takes too long (gee I’m stunned) and Dupree scores with a spinebuster.

The French dance takes way too long as well but Cena can’t follow up. Dupree can’t hit the Michinoku Driver but Cena’s can’t hit the FU either. Instead Dupree grabs a neckbreaker for a delayed two and it’s time for the exchange of rollups. That goes nowhere so Dupree tries to jump over Cena in the corner, only to get caught in the FU to retain the title.

Rating: C+. That’s the second fine match of the night as they were putting in the effort and there was a perfectly acceptable story being told. It’s nothing that really needed to be on pay per view, but it’s better than nothing, which is more than you can say for almost anything else on the show so far. Imagine that: Cena being one of the few bright spots.

Post match Cena gives a fan his Lakers jersey in a nice touch.

Kenzo Suzuki is coming. Egads no.

We recap Booker T. vs. the Undertaker. Booker showed up in the Draft and started talking about how much better he was than everyone else, including the Undertaker. A bunch of lightning and thunder followed, so Booker went to a voodoo woman and has a hex bag that is supposed to even things out. Yeah it’s really stupid and I doubt it’s going to help the show.

Booker T. vs. Undertaker

The announcers keep calling this a rare appearance by the Undertaker. I’m really not sure why, but then again I’m not sure why Cole and Tazz say a lot of things they say. Booker takes him into the corner to start and we actually get a clean break. A shove down is enough for Booker at the moment as he heads outside and rubs something from the bag on his chest, which just gets his arm cranked on back inside.

Undertaker side slams him down and gets two off a legdrop before clotheslining Booker right back to the floor. As tends to happen to him a lot, Undertaker gets his throat snapped across the top, allowing Booker to come back in with a missile dropkick. Booker rubs some more stuff on his chest and gets caught with the jumping clothesline. Old School connects but Booker slips out of the Last Ride and bumps the referee.

The distraction lets Booker throw the dirt from the bag in Undertaker’s eyes….which just ticks him off. The running big boot misses in the corner though and Booker starts stomping on the knee. Booker wraps the leg around the post to keep Undertaker down and a dropkick gets two. The ax kick connects for the same so it’s time for Undertaker to pop up with the chokeslam and Tombstone for the pin.

Rating: D. Egads they really can’t get anything going with this show. Another bad match as the hex bag went nowhere as Undertaker didn’t even sell the dirt in his eyes. Other than that, this was a little working on Undertaker’s knee before he popped back up and won anyway. I have no idea why you would bring Booker to Smackdown just to put Undertaker over in his first big match, especially when the show is so starved for effectual heels. It didn’t make sense at the time and it still doesn’t now.

We recap JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero. JBL is a rich guy from New York and wants to get rid of someone deplorable like Eddie. In other words, it’s at least half racist and more than half awful as JBL is really bad at what he’s doing. Then JBL caused Eddie’s mom to have a heart attack, which he blamed Eddie for and which we had to see about five times in a week. Let’s get this over with.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Eddie is defending. Before we’re ready to go, JBL talks about how he’s going to say this in English so half the people here will need translators. After he wins the title, Eddie’s mother can come to New York and be his maid. Eddie gets aggressive to start and knocks him outside for a whip into the steps. JBL gets tossed over the announcers’ table and it’s time to head back inside for some shouting and punching.

It’s too early for JBL to walk out so Eddie chases him down and hammers away some more. Back in and Eddie walks on his face but makes the mistake of going outside again, allowing JBL to whip him into the steps. JBL keeps up the awesome wrestling with a big boot and a headlock as things slow down to a snail’s pace. Another headlock takeover keeps things slow but some armdrags put JBL on the floor.

The dive is caught for a fall away slam though and the champ is down again. A backdrop puts Eddie onto the announcers’ table in a good looking crash. Back in and they slug it out until JBL grabs a bearhug, which is the worst thing this match can do. Thankfully it doesn’t last long as Eddie slips out and hits Three Amigos. The referee gets bumped though and Eddie backdrops JBL to the floor.

Another whip over the announcers’ table lets JBL grab a chair and cave Eddie’s head in, drawing one of the deepest, most disturbing cuts I’ve ever seen. You can see the blood literally flowing out of his head and streaming down his chest over and over. A steps show to the head makes it even worse and the Clothesline From JBL is good for no cover because referees are made of paper around here. The second referee comes in for two as there is blood EVERYWHERE.

The replacement referee takes a Clothesline of his own and a powerbomb gives JBL two with the first referee counting. JBL slaps on a sleeper but Eddie fights up and starts the dancing. The fall away slam is countered into a DDT and they’re both down. Eddie is up first but the blood loss means the frog splash takes way too long and they’re down again. JBL grabs the title and a chair but Eddie kicks him low and hits him with the belt for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The story worked, the blood REALLY worked, and Eddie was trying, but there’s only so much you can do with someone like Bradshaw as your opponent. The headlock didn’t do this any favors and the idea of having to watch this match again made my head hurt. You can only do so much to get beyond a horrible build and bad character work from the heel and Eddie wasn’t able to get over the mountain.

Post match Eddie stays on him and shoves some referees away. A chair to JBL’s head draws some blood as well and Eddie does it again for fun. Eddie drops a frog splash and JBL bails to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. The two good matches are nowhere near enough to save this show as they’re only so good. The problem here continues to be the lame villains, as there’s no way around people I don’t care about. JBL is a terrible top villain, the second villains are the Dudley Boyz who haven’t won a tag match in a long time, and then you have Booker T. who is running around like a comedy goof. Who in there is supposed to be intimidating?

Nothing on this show got me interested or excited in the slightest and that just shouldn’t happen on a pay per view. The wrestling can be passable at times but they have to work on the stories and characters. Those are the far more important parts of the show and neither of them is going anywhere at all. Just get something interesting in there because what we have at the moment is making me long for a twenty minute HHH promo to perk things up a bit.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 13, 2004
Location: Lawlor Convention Center, Reno, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Judgment Day and my goodness the show is not looking good at this point. We currently have three matches announced so this week’s show is going to be designed to get us ready for Sunday in a hurry, with several matches likely being added at once. That rarely leads to a good night but that would be par for the course around here lately. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Eddie Guerrero’s mom having a heart attack, because that’s the one angle they have for this whole thing. Eddie snapped to end last week’s show, partially due to JBL blaming him for the heart attack.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

During Rob’s entrance, Rob/Rey Mysterio vs. the Dudley Boyz is announced for Sunday. I mean, we saw it last week so let’s make people pay to see it again! Actually hang on a second as we have a change due to a sneak attack.

Rob Van Dam vs. D-Von Dudley

See? IT’S TRICKINESS! D-Von jumps him from behind to start until Van Dam gets in a spinning kick to the jaw. The running corner dropkick in the corner allows Van Dam to get in some finger pointing. Bubba offers a distraction though and the split legged moonsault is countered into a neckbreaker out of the corner. Some choking with a torn tag rope has Van Dam in some more trouble and a hard clothesline gets two.

The chinlock wakes Van Dam up a bit and there’s another kick to the face to put D-Von down. The top rope kick to the face gets two but Van Dam has to cannonball off the apron to take care of an interfering Bubba. Rolling Thunder connects but Bubba puts D-Von’s leg on the rope. A ref bump lets Bubba crotch Van Dam on top though and it’s a top rope hanging DDT to give D-Von the pin.

Rating: D. This was as interesting as D-Von in the ring and Bubba on the floor vs. Van Dam was going to be. Having the Dudley Boyz as the second biggest heels on the roster is one of the dumbest things that could have been done and it’s not getting any better week to week. The clean loss last week didn’t help things either and it’s just not interesting.

Post match the beatdown stays on until Rey Mysterio makes the save. Thanks for being there in the last five minutes Rey.

Kurt Angle comes in to see Eddie Guerrero and says what Eddie did last week was unprovoked. Eddie is a volcano waiting to erupt and Angle can’t have that on his show. If Eddie does anything tonight, there will be severe consequences. Eddie gets up and walks away.

Kenzo Suzuki is coming. Oh good grief.

Cole is in the ring and brings out Jacqueline for a chat. We see a clip of her winning the Cruiserweight Title and she’s proud to be the first woman to hold it. Dig that WWE continuity. She reminds Chavo “Guerrer” that he lost to a girl so here are Chavo and Chavo Classic to interrupt. Jr. calls her a thief because that was the worst night of his career and maybe even his life. Angle has made a rematch for Judgment Day and he’ll have one arm tied behind his back. Classic thinks it’s a great idea but he wants some redemption tonight. Oh dear this is going to be bad.

Chavo Classic vs. Jacqueline

Non-title. Joined in progress with Chavo taking her down and getting in a little spanking. Jacqueline sends him outside and then does the exact same thing he did to her, albeit with the slaps to the head for the sake of good taste. A Hennig neck snap puts Jacqueline down again though and we hit an abdominal stretch with Chavo having to lean down to make it work. Jacqueline fights up with a hurricanrana but Jr. pulls her off the apron, dropping her face first onto the apron, giving Classic the pin. This is a champion people. Someone who gets sent into the apron and pinned by in his mid-50s.

Worry not though, as Jacqueline gets revenge by pulling Classic’s pants down. Good thing everything is ok now.

Angle is livid at Eddie for disrespecting him and is going to do something about it.

We look back at Booker using magic to try and fend off Undertaker.

Angle finds Eddie and tells him to cool off. It wasn’t even JBL’s fault because Eddie’s mom is 76 years old. Eddie is about to snap so the boss leaves.

The announcers talk about JBL, who suddenly calls in from his limo to promise to destroy Mysterio tonight. He wants Eddie to still be here when he gets to the arena too.

FBI vs. Booker T.

The FBI is banged up after last week’s massacre at Undertaker’s hands. Booker has the hex bag with him because that’s still a thing. Stamboli gets stomped down with ease and a side slam drops Nunzio. Booker drops Nunzio ribs first onto the barricade and kicks Stamboli in the face a few times, followed by the ax kick for the pin. The FBI didn’t get in a single shot.

Post match Booker says that proves he’s just as powerful as the Undertaker….and there’s the gong. Undertaker’s face pops up on both smaller screens and then the main screen as Booker tries to run. Paul Bearer comes out as the ring fills with smoke and Undertaker sits up inside.

Here’s Eddie for a chat and we see the heart attack AGAIN during his entrance because there’s nothing else to the feud but it’s somehow better than the racism/border patrol stuff. Eddie talks about representing the entire WWE and all of America. The point of America isn’t saying you’re better than other people but working hard to achieve your dreams. Eddie looks at America as a great big melting pot.

JBL is going to need some intestinal fortitude to deal with him on Sunday because Eddie is bringing it to the fullest. Eddie talks about the heart attack and having to explain to his kids why he didn’t do anything to the man who hurt grandma. She’s a strong woman and Eddie was worried about her but he wants to take care of Bradshaw tonight. He wants Vickie to turn the TV off because he doesn’t want the kids to see what’s about to happen to Bradshaw.

The limo comes out but there’s no JBL so Eddie breaks the window with a pipe. There’s no one inside so here’s JBL with some police to demand Eddie be arrested for destruction of private property. Eddie charges at him but gets beaten down, with JBL screaming about aggravated assault. Eddie was really stretching in his promo and didn’t sound like he knew where he was going. Could it be because even he knows how awful this story has been?

Rico vs. Hardcore Holly

Rico kicks away in the corner as Jackie and Charlie Haas celebrate on the floor. The chinlock goes on as there’s just nothing going on here. Holly pops up and hits the kick to the very lower abdomen but the Alabama Slam is escaped. A dropkick that isn’t quite up to Holly’s usual standard gets two so Rico heads up top, only to have his high crossbody rolled through to give Holly the pin.

Rating: D. This was a fine example of two things. First of all, Rico can wrestle a watchable match when he’s just playing it straight (pun intended) and isn’t doing all of his shtick. It’s a shame that he got stuck with such a lame gimmick and never recovered. Unfortunately, the other thing it shows is how horrible the tag division is, with a team being thrown together (if they teamed on Velocity, it wasn’t mentioned here) and getting a pay per view title shot. That should never be the case but it’s happening here, and it’s likely to happen again.

Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie has been added to Sunday.

Earlier this week, Rene Dupree held a Cafe de Rene where he talked about how unwelcome he’s felt since coming to this country. America just can’t handle the world thinking there are better countries out there, which is why he’s been targeted by John Cena. On Sunday, he’s going to treat Cena like Americans treat Iraqi prisoners.

Mordecai debuts on Sunday.

Sakoda vs. John Cena

Non-title. Sakoda doesn’t go anywhere off a shoulder block but he bails to the floor anyway. Cena goes out to get him and gets kicked in the face by Akio. Back in and Sakoda knees Cena in the face and poses a bit, showing more fire in ten seconds than I’ve ever seen otherwise. We hit the sleeper until Cena fights up with the usual, capped off by the FU for the easy pin.

Rating: D+. Sakoda looked better than usual here, which isn’t saying much as he’s been little more than a warm body for months now. Cena needed a win to recharge things a bit after last week’s beatdown, even though I don’t think the title is in that much doubt. At least Cena could fire the crowd up a little bit after the JBL and Rene times killed the crowd’s energy.

Akio get FU’d onto Sakoda to even things up.

Raw ReBound.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio gets shoved down and JBL does that smile of his. Rey dropkicks it off his face so Bradshaw blasts him with a shoulder and some kicks to the back. The powerbomb doesn’t work and the chase is on with Rey trying a dive, only to get caught in a fall away slam on the floor.

Back in and the slow beating begins with a kick to the head and a suplex. The torture rack goes on and JBL runs over Rey for daring to escape. Rey fights out of a superplex and grabs a tornado DDT. That’s about it for the comeback though as Rey is sent outside and into various things like the announcers’ table. Back in and a buckle bomb sets up the Clothesline From JBL for the pin. Just a bit above a squash.

Rating: D. This was a good example of why JBL isn’t working in the role. His promos and character stuff are really dull and then it gets even worse in the ring. He’s just a power guy and there are people who are so much better at it than he is that it’s not fun to watch. It’s a good idea to have him go over someone like Mysterio but it’s WAY too late to have the result that they needed.

Post match JBL talks about how he doesn’t care about Eddie’s mother dying because it’s all about winning the title. Cole: “Will JBL’s stock rise on Sunday?” Oh good grief.

Overall Rating: F. Let’s see. There was no good wrestling. There were no good promos. I somehow care about Judgment Day even less than I did when this show started. That has to be one of the worst go home shows I’ve ever seen and when you consider how much they had to add to the pay per view on this show alone (an insane five matches out of an eight match card), it’s clear that they’re making this stuff up as they go.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: May 6, 2004
Location: Tuscon Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on Judgment Day and….well I haven’t actually watched the show in a good while as I stockpiled a bunch of reviews before I went on vacation. That was by design, as I tried to block out most of what was going on with this show. JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero is still coming up and that’s not exactly something I want to think about. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Michael Cole is in the ring to talk about Eddie Guerrero’s mother having a heart attack at an El Paso house show. Eddie had finished his match and invited his family into the ring, which was followed by tragedy. Since it’s so sad, let’s see a video of the whole thing. Eddie invited some women into the ring, starting with his wife Vickie (one of her first appearances), his daughters, and finally his mother, the latter of whom gets a rather long and glowing introduction.

Eddie presents her with a bouquet of roses, which brought out JBL, who must be a fan of lilies. The big clothesline takes Eddie out and JBL yells at the mother, who collapses in a heart attack that Fritz Von Erich would find to be a little much. Medics come out as Eddie chases JBL off to finally wrap this up.

Back in the arena, Cole and Tazz are rather somber, with Tazz even taking his sunglasses off.

John Cena vs. Doug Basham

Non-title. Before the match, Cena makes his usual gay jokes, this time at Doug’s expense. Oh and the Bashams are like Mary-Kate and Ashley. It takes a good minute into the match to have Cena throw his jersey into the crowd. Cole goes from talking about Cena’s Deez Nuts joke to Eddie’s mom having a heart attack, showing that great broadcasting ability. Cena slugs him into the corner to start until Doug scores with an elbow to the jaw. Danny trips Cena up for bad measure and Doug slaps on a sleeper. The belly to back suplex gets Cena out of trouble and it’s a pump of the shoes into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D. Just a quick win with some minor odds for Cena to overcome, much like his upcoming match with Rene Dupree. There’s no one for him to fight in the midcard at the moment so while I can appreciate the idea of bringing some people up, there’s going to be a rough transitional period, just like this one. Or maybe it’s just the Bashams and Dupree.

We recap Booker T. attacking Undertaker last week and getting chased off as a result.

To get a chance against the Undertaker, Booker visited a fortune teller. Her advice to deal with the evil shadow: find things for him, starting with dirt from the grave with no name. Oh this is going to be a rough one.

Here are Chavo Guerrero Jr. and Sr. (now dubbed Chavo Classic) with the latter talking about how sad he is at his mother’s heart attack. Jr. is wanting to face everyone, so tonight it’s an open challenge for a title shot.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jacqueline

Jacqueline is challenging because Paul London, Tajiri, Rey Mysterio, Brian Kendrick and probably half a dozen other people aren’t around for the sake of this angle. The Guerreros mock her for being a woman and want the real challenger out here instead. Jr. says this wouldn’t be fair because no man can beat him, so what chance does she have? She can either do, ahem, something else to him or make some sandwiches.

A slap starts the match and Chavo takes her down into an armbar without much effort. Jacqueline is up with a headscissors and a dropkick but Chavo belly to backs the heck out of her. Classic offers a distraction though and it’s a low blow into a rollup to give Jacqueline the pin and the title. So that happened. Anyone care? At all? At least Classic’s stunned face is funny.

The FBI is in the ring so here’s Kurt Angle to talk about how he thought last week’s negative crowd reaction in Oklahoma City was just a one off mistake. All the fans couldn’t possibly boo someone who has sacrificed as much as he has over the years. No matter how many people dislike him, he’s still the General Manager of this show. That’s why tonight, Undertaker is facing the FBI.

Undertaker vs. FBI

Just Stamboli and Nunzio to be destroyed here. Cole says he’s been having debates with a lot of people about whether Undertaker is alive or dead. I’m sure you have Cole, and odds are they’re at the airport. Undertaker cleans house to start and kicks Stamboli in the face. With Nunzio coming back up off the floor, Old School is broken up so Undertaker beats on Stamboli instead.

Post match Undertaker destroys both guys because he’s the Undertaker and they’re the FBI.

Booker finds the grave (good thing it was in the same city) and takes some of the dirt. After Booker leaves, a gloved hand pops out of the ground. Uh….yeah.

We look at the heart attack angle again, though thankfully a shorter version which still clocks in at longer than an Undertaker entrance.

Josh Matthews asks Eddie if he blames himself for the heart attack and Eddie’s glare sends Josh running off. Good. Keep going.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Well what else are you going to use to follow up an elderly woman having a heart attack and her son having an emotional breakdown? Rene Dupree is at ringside. Apparently Torrie is still being blamed for Angle’s injuries because she ticked Big Show off so much. Dawn kicks her down for an early two as Rene eerily stares at Torrie. A turnbuckle pad is ripped off and Torrie goes face first into it, only to come back with a clothesline.

The swinging neckbreaker, as in the only move Torrie can do, gets two and a high crossbody gets the same, despite Rene’s failed interference. Cue Cena to even things up and the fight is on as the match is thrown out somewhere in there. The stuff with the women was terrible and Cena vs. Dupree was slightly less terrible.

Dupree beats Cena up and takes him inside for a ram into the exposed buckle. Cena gets posted as well and a powerbomb puts him through the announcers’ table. Well, that’s better than giving Eddie’s mother a heart attack.

Back from a break and apparently Dupree beat him up even more during the commercial.

Pay per view rundown. With ten days to go before the show, you should probably have a fourth match announced.

JBL joins us from New York to deny all responsibility for the heart attack because he was just asking her to leave. Eddie had no right to bring his family into JBL’s place of business because it wasn’t bring your family to work day. There’s no need for an apology because the woman has already outlived her days. If Eddie wants to do something like that, he has to take responsibility for the consequences.

JBL isn’t here tonight to give Eddie a break but that won’t be the case next week. Oh and Eddie’s mom probably faked it because she taught Eddie to lie, cheat and steal. We get the illegal immigrant stuff to wrap it up. This story is still lame, mainly because it’s still Bradshaw trying to be intimidating.

Paul Heyman comes up to Angle and talks about Eddie being emotional. If Eddie explodes in the tag match main event, it’s going to be on Angle’s head. Angle agrees so Luther Reigns is tasked with going to find an unnamed replacement.

Dudley Boyz vs. Rob Van Dam/???

D-Von comes in and gets hurricanranaed, followed by a kick to the face to keep him in trouble. Bubba gets smart by grabbing Rob from the apron but gets kicked down for his efforts. Rey comes in for a 619 attempt, only to be tripped down by Bubba. Things slow down with Bubba yelling at Rey and punching him down for a bonus. A headscissors gets Rey out of trouble and a springboard bulldog is good for two.

D-Von uses a quick distraction to crotch Rey against the post though and we take a break. Back with D-Von holding Rey in a chinlock but slipping out of a suplex attempt. The hot tag to Van Dam is broken up though and double teaming ensues. Rey slips out again and now the hot tag works just fine. Van Dam’s top rope kick to the face gets two on D-Von and everything breaks down.

The split legged moonsault hits D-Von for two more with Bubba making the save. Rey’s springboard is pulled out of the air but Van Dam breaks up What’s Up. The Five Star misses D-Von so Rob enziguris him into the 619 instead. A Rolling Thunder/Dropping the Dime combination is good for the pin, because that’s the way to get over a suddenly angry act like the Dudleys.

Rating: C+. That’s one of the best Smackdown matches in far too long and that shows a lot of the problems with the show at the moment. This was built up as one of the major matches on the show and then they change it at the last minute, leaving us with a good match but not the one that they advertised. The Dudleys continue to be their same old selves though, and that’s not good for the spot they’re supposed to be in.

Post match the Dudleys beat the winners down until Eddie runs in for the save with a chair. Eddie throws the referee outside and starts swinging, including a shot to the referee and another to Van Dam. Bubba (already bleeding) and D-Von take second shots to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. A bunch of short matches, Jacqueline as Cruiserweight Champion instead of making someone into a new star (you know, like they did last year), and the heart attack angle are a little too much for the only so good main event to make up for. It’s such a dark time for Smackdown at the moment and unfortunately I don’t see that changing for a very, very long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 29, 2004
Location: Ford Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I can get through this. The last few weeks have been some of the most dreadful wrestling shows I can remember in a long time so I’m hoping that things are at least marginally better this time around. I’m not sure what you can expect here, but it’s hard to imagine the show getting much worse. You know, because saying that has never gotten me in trouble before. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Kurt Angle, in a leg cast and a wheelchair (pushed by a rather intimidating looking man) to open things up. After a little effort, Angle and his wheelchair (with a red white and blue back in the pattern of the French flag) are brought into the ring for a chat. Angle is rather emotional and says that he’ll never wrestle again because his knee is injured beyond repair.

The fans seem rather pleased with the news and Angle makes it better by saying his internal injuries are irreversible. His life is all over but nothing was going to stop him from being here tonight. The one thing he knows for sure is that the people are to blame for all of his problems. He came out here and the fans chanted YOU SUCK. Angle thought the circumstances would make things different but the people harbor this sick environment. He shouldn’t be alive and now he’s being ridiculed.

This is Big Show and Torrie Wilson’s fault so Angle demands that she come out here, without music. Angle blames her for all of this and tells the man (named Luther) to bring her over here. It must be nice to be perfect like her but she’s pathetic. Due to what she did, Angle can’t even have sex with his wife while she parades around all perfect. Therefore, he’s changing the rules on her as well. Tonight, her match with Rene Dupree is now No DQ.

Rene Dupree vs. Torrie Wilson

No DQ and Fifi is black this week. Dupree waistlocks her down to start so Torrie gets in a sunset flip. A bunch of slaps just make Rene slam her and here’s John Cena to go after Dupree for the no contest in about a minute. What a great use of TV time this was and we’re only about a fourth of the way through the show.

Post break and post recaps, Rene rants to Angle and gets a US Title shot at Judgment Day.

Cruiserweight Title: Nunzio vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Post match Jr. says he’s bored and needs new competition. Therefore, next week, anyone who wants one can have a title shot, provided he’s never beaten them before.

We look back at the Dudleys turning on Rob Van Dam last week and Paul Heyman declaring it a good start.

Here’s a serious Van Dam for a chat. He wants the Dudleys out here right now but gets Heyman instead. Heyman says it wasn’t personal last week because Van Dam just happened to be in the ring. It could have been Vince McMahon himself because it just would have been the same result. Van Dam needs to be care what he wishes for because it’s going to be Heyman’s Dudleys, not the lovable ones. Cue the Dudleys through the crowd and the beatdown is on until Eddie Guerrero makes the save.

Booker T. is ready to slap the dead off the Undertaker.

Heyman leaves Angle’s office and tonight it’s the Dudley (which is going to mean Bubba because that’s all that makes sense) vs. Eddie. Egads who looked at last week’s show and thought it was worthy of a sequel? Don’t worry about Van Dam because he’s banned from ringside.

Mordecai is still coming. For some reason, this isn’t on the Network.

Booker T. vs. Billy Gunn

You have Booker T. on the roster and we’re watching JBL and the Dudley Boyz fighting the World Champion. I don’t even know what to say about that so we’ll move on to Cole saying how interesting this is because they’re both great tag wrestlers. Tazz: “It’s a singles match.” Gunn punches away to start so Booker kicks him in the face. A neckbreaker gives Booker two and another kick to the face puts Billy down again. Gunn scores with a suplex and the One and Only (cobra clutch slam) gets two. The Fameasser and the Book End both miss but Booker avoids a Stinger Splash. An ax kick gives Booker the pin.

Rating: D. Just a bunch of kicking and punching here as Booker’s “I’m a star” deal isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. That being said, he does at least have some star power and is a solid upper midcard act, making him one of the better people on this roster. The show is just so weak on talent and Booker is one of the few bright sports.

Post match here are Undertaker and Paul Bearer, though Booker actually stays in the ring. With the ring full of smoke, Booker says this isn’t happening tonight and goes to leave. Instead he grabs the urn and knocks Undertaker down before leaving through the crowd, taking the urn with him.

Post break, Angle makes Undertaker vs. Booker for Judgment Day. Neither Angle nor Undertaker have wrestled since Wrestlemania, but Angle can’t do it ever again. Undertaker doesn’t appreciate that so next week, he’s wrestling a to be announced opponent. Angle as the bitter boss isn’t quite working yet.

Raw ReBound. I wouldn’t point out how much better that show was than this one.

Rico and Jackie have stolen Charlie Haas’ trunks so Charlie has to wrestle in Rico’s gear. The words “come out” are used over and over.

Shawn Michaels and company welcomed some troops home in Texas. This goes on for awhile.

Tag Team Titles: Rico/Charlie Haas vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are challenging and Charlie is in Rico’s gear. It’s funny you see. Doug makes Danny start with Rico with Rico blowing him a kiss. A lockup lets Rico get in a few spanks as Charlie is nearly sick. Doug comes in and get ridden around, followed by Charlie coming in and winding up behind him in the exact position you would expect. Rico spanks him a few more times and Doug runs away as Charlie looks sicker than earlier. The fans want home state Charlie in so Rico “comically” brings him in.

Danny makes a blind tag and sends Charlie into the post as the match turns into something normal for once. The Bashams start working on the arm with Doug driving his shoulder into Charlie’s until a backdrop gets Haas out of trouble. The hot tag brings in Rico for the variety of kicks to the head. Tazz: “Shades of Bruce Lee there.” Charlie tags himself and Rico kisses Danny into a German suplex to retain the titles.

Rating: D. Jim Cornette is crying over this one and I can’t say I blame him. He spent years turning these guys into stars down in OVW and this is what they get on the main roster. I’m still somewhat convinced that WWE decided to ruin these guys for the sake of annoying him/showing that they’re smarter than their own developmental. How else can you make sense of people like Rico or what the Bashams were just a few months ago?

We look back at Dupree and Cena earlier.

Judgment Day rundown. All three announced matches.

JBL is in New York to look at the Statue of Liberty and talk about how legal immigrants come to America this way. Eddie Guerrero and his family snuck across the border though and it’s a cancer that must be destroyed. Oh and poor people suck too. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight. We have a guy from Texas who brags about how awesome New York City it while pushing ideas that the deep south would probably love, despite not being fans of people from the north, as in New York City. Brilliance!

Eddie Guerrero vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Non-title with Heyman and Angle at ringside. D-Von’s early distraction lets Bubba score with a clothesline and the right hands in the corner begin. A headscissors gets Eddie out of trouble and a middle rope crossbody gets two. Bubba ties him in the Tree of Woe for a few loud chops though as Angle smiles evily.

Back up and Eddie sends Bubba outside for the plancha onto both Dudleys as we take a break. We come back with Eddie fighting out of a sleeper but getting punched back into the corner. Bubba gets two off a neckbreaker and grabs a headscissors on the mat of all things. Of course Bubba misses the middle rope backsplash and Eddie hits two of the Three Amigos.

The ref gets bumped and Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb for no cover. Another attempt is countered into a DDT to give Eddie two so Heyman gets on the apron. Somehow the referee doesn’t notice D-Von going up for the Doomsday Device but Eddie victory rolls Bubba for the pin.

Rating: D+. It was slightly better than last week thanks to being a few minutes shorter and because Bubba is a better singles wrestler than D-Von but it’s still nowhere near good enough to be the main event. On top of that, they’re doing this mini feud with the Dudleys before we get to the JBL match, probably because they know how bad the JBL feud really is. Not a terrible match, but another boring one.

Post match the beatdown is on until Van Dam comes in for the saves. Stereo frog splashes hit the Dudleys and Angle makes the tag match for next week.

Overall Rating: D-. And somehow, that’s an upgrade. Just having Van Dam joining in at the end gave the show a little bit more of a spark, but having the Dudleys and JBL as the top heel wrestlers is death to the show. The whole show is so boring and there’s nothing that’s going to fix it anytime soon. It’s getting harder and harder to watch the show and things are likely only going to get worse. Just….be better. Please? Like, maybe a decent match for a change? Is that too much to ask for?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: April 22, 2004
Location: Prospera Palace, Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

So last week saw what should probably be the death of Kurt Angle after Big Show chokeslammed him off a balcony, breaking both Angle’s head and leg. Other than that we’re still getting ready for JBL’s World Title shot against champion Eddie Guerrero, which isn’t the most thrilling thing in the world. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the chokeslam with Show suddenly being a slasher movie stalker who threatened to kill Torrie Wilson.

Cole and Tazz list off Angle’s injuries, including a broken leg, a severe concussion and internal injuries. No word on the BIG POOL OF BLOOD under his head? Or is that part of the concussion?

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T.

Thank goodness Booker has dropped the remixed version of his theme and has gone back to the original. Rob dives on him before the bell and the fight is on in a hurry. They head inside for the opening bell with Rob nailing the step over spinning kick and choking in the corner. Booker gets sent outside again and comes back inside, only to get clotheslined to the floor one more time.

As Cole continues to panic about the lack of a General Manager tonight (Then who made this match?), Booker gets in his own kick to the face and you can hear the fans lose some of their energy. A chinlock doesn’t last long as Rob breaks it up with a suplex and hits the middle rope kick to the face. Three straight legdrops have Booker in trouble as Rob keeps looking at the entrance. Rolling Thunder connects but some pyro goes off to break up the Five Star. Booker rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. It was fun while it lasted but this didn’t have the time to go anywhere, especially with the finish. You would think that last week’s DQ and then this week’s cheap finish would set up a pay per view match and it’s not like they have anything else to fill up the Judgment Day card in the first place. Not long enough to go anywhere but the long form match last week wasn’t exactly a classic anyway.

The pyro brings out Paul Heyman, who is in charge for one night only. After a break, he gets in the ring and says that Van Dam has a Thursday night show because Heyman built this show up in the first place. He’s already built up one brand and prostituted its legacy, meaning ECW. Rob would know about that as he’s ruined its legacy more than anyone else.

This brings out the Dudley Boyz with Bubba getting in Heyman’s face, saying that anything Heyman has to say to Rob about ECW can be said to the two of them as well. Heyman says they’ve become self parodies too, which is why he never tried to get the Dudleys on Smackdown.

When they left ECW, they became caricatures of their former selves. When did they do something extreme or newsworthy that people were talking about it the next day? At least Tazz got out of the ring when it was time so they should follow his lead. Now Bubba and D-Von are just Vince McMahon’s domesticated pets. That’s enough to get the Dudleys to beat down Rob with a low blow leaving him laying. Heyman says that was just a good start. You can only be so extreme in yellow camo shorts and Bubba has long since hit that ceiling.

Tag Team Titles: Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi vs. Charlie Haas/???

Scotty and Rikishi are defending and Charlie’s mystery partner is….Rico. Well of course it is because why make Haas into something of value? Rico and Rikishi start and you can almost guarantee that their time as Tag Team Champions won’t be mentioned whatsoever. Rikishi (who looks weird without wrist tape) sends Rico into the corner so Rico bends over in front of him.

Rikishi does the same so Rico tries a waistlock, which freaks the big man out. For some reason Rico tries a sunset flip so Rikishi spanks himself, only to have Rico do it as well. It’s off to Scotty and that means some ballroom dancing. Scotty tries to skin the cat and gets spanked as well before it’s off to Charlie with a limp wristed tag. Things settle down a bit until Charlie gets crotched on the post (Cole: “Rico’s not gonna like this!”). A double noggin knocker puts Charlie in even more trouble but Rico’s distraction lets him send Scotty into the buckle.

Rico comes back in for a suggestive rollup and gets kicked to the corner for a tag right back to Charlie. A few clotheslines send Charlie into the corner for the Stinkface….but Rico takes his place, making sure to put on Jackie’s lip balm first. Rikishi obliges and Rico needs a cigarette. Scotty loads up the Worm but Rico kisses him as Jackie grabs Rikishi from behind. The distracted Scotty gets rolled up for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D-. This was as good as it was going to be and the “comedy” was still unfunny. To be fair though, it’s not like the titles had any value in the first place so putting them on another makeshift comedy team isn’t exactly a death sentence. Just get them onto the Dudleys and be done with it already because they’re the only team of value on the show.

Long recap of Big Show losing his job and then his mind before Angle lost his healthy leg and a lot of blood.

JBL apologizes for something that happened earlier today at the airport. Apparently he ran into El Gran Luchador, the Heavyweight Champion of Mexico, and got challenged to a match tonight. The match is next, but first Heyman announces Eddie Guerrero vs. the Dudley. Which one? It doesn’t matter, as they look alike.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. El Gran Luchador

Luchador is a masked man with a Women’s Title painted red, white and green and played by Paul London. JBL shoves him down to start as the fans chant for MEXICO. A right hand puts Luchador down again and a delayed vertical suplex has JBL smiling. Luchador stops a charge in the corner with a raised boot and snaps off a headscissors.

A moonsault press gives Luchador two but JBL throws him down with the Last Call. JBL channels his inner Tito Santana with an ARRIBA, puts out an invisible cigarette on Luchador’s back and powerbombs the heck out of him….for two. He puts the unconscious Luchador’s arm on his chest for two more, followed by the Clothesline From JBL for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was perfect for you fans who have always wanted to see Bradshaw smiling a lot while beating up the most generic luchador this side of a Canadian named Sami. It wasn’t even the worst match I’ve ever seen or anything but it was really boring with the same Bradshaw offense that wasn’t been anything special in the entirety of his time with the APA. I mean, I know he has a radio show but that’s not exactly enough to make up for everything else.

It’s time for the Cafe de Rene with an accordion player and a mini Eiffel Tower. He doesn’t like the fans being happy about Angle’s injuries so it’s time to teach them some class. That brings him to his guest: Torrie Wilson. Tazz: “Hot women, poodles and accordions.” Rene pours her some wine and mentions the Divas Magazine before going into an interrogation about last week.

Why was she laughing about Big Show losing his job? It’s her fault that Angle isn’t here enjoying wine. He gets out of his chair and yells more, saying Torrie is everything wrong with North American women who need men to do everything. A comparison to Fifi is enough to get Rene slapped in the face so he picks her up, drawing in John Cena for the save and wreck the set.

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Jr. starts for the team, which is the best option they have. You know, of the two. Cena slams him down a few times without much effort and it’s already time for a breather. Back in and Cena scores with a shoulder but Sr.’s distraction lets Jr. get in a few shots. A knee to the back sets up a dropkick to give Jr. two and it’s Sr. coming in for some stomping.

That’s it for Papa Guerrero as Jr. is back in to work on the ribs. A rather vocal CENA chant doesn’t get him out of trouble as the rapid tagging and forearms to the back continue. Cena fights back without much effort but Sr. breaks up the FU. Sr. takes it instead but Jr. knocks Cena outside. Cue Dupree to post Cena though and it’s a brainbuster to give Jr. the pin.

Rating: D. It wasn’t a clean loss, but my goodness the idea of Dupree getting the first shot at the US Title is a bit much. He really does show how little depth there is to Smackdown at the moment, or maybe just how worthless May’s pay per view is going to be. Cena is exploding at the moment, but he needs something better to do.

In the back, Heyman makes Torrie vs. Dupree for next week.

Mordecai is coming to clean WWE of impurity. He says the day of judgment draws near, which should mean his debut.

Here’s Booker T. for a chat. He’s the biggest star here on Smackdown and every one of the suckers here knows it. Those same suckers who cheered him just a few months ago are now asking him why. He went from being a star on Raw to being a mega star here on Smackdown. Now it’s time to bring everyone up to his level because he’s the best thing ever on Smackdown. Pretty soon he’ll be the most famous man in America….and there goes the gong. Booker shows off his intelligence and bails through the crowd without Undertaker actually appearing.

Raw ReBound.

We recap the Tag Team Title change.

Rico is very happy with the titles and grabs a handful of Charlie. He thinks it was Jackie, but then realizes what really happened.

Eddie Guerrero vs. D-Von Dudley

Non-title with Heyman at ringside. Which Dudley it was is treated as a big deal with Bubba starting but D-Von jumps Eddie from behind to actually wrestle the match. You know, because it totally matters here. A backdrop puts Eddie down and a trip to the floor lets Bubba get in a clothesline.

Back in and a delayed suplex gives D-Von two, followed by the neck crank. It’s almost like D-Von has nothing special for offense and shouldn’t be in a long form singles match. Eddie low bridges him to the floor where Bubba offers a distraction, setting up the double countout. And never mind as before I can finish typing that, Heyman says we’re still going. Cole: “This atrocity is going to continue!” Dude it’s been about five minutes and Eddie wasn’t exactly hanging on by his fingertips.

We take a break and come back with Eddie suplexing his way out of a belly to back suplex. A super hurricanrana gives Eddie two but D-Von gets his neckbreaker out of the corner. The sleeper goes on and Bubba yells at fans. With Heyman standing in front of commentary, Cole talks about how Heyman hasn’t said a word all match….as he’s talking to Bubba. It takes talent to be as stupid as Cole really is.

Eddie finally gets out of the sleeper and avoids a middle rope elbow but D-Von is right there to break up the frog splash. A superplex gives D-Von two but Eddie starts his dancing comeback. The interfering Bubba is brought in so D-Von grabs a small package with Bubba holding the foot to pin Eddie. This would be the second match in a row where a champion is pinned thanks to interference.

Rating: D. I feel like I need a nap after watching that match. D-Von is part of a tag team for a reason: he’s not very interesting on his own. There’s not much that Eddie can do when his opponent’s big move in a fifteen minute match is a neckbreaker. I’m not sure why the Dudley Boyz are supposed to be the new monster team, as it’s just them with a heel turn. I need a lot more than that.

Post match JBL comes in to powerbomb Eddie. The Clothesline From JBL ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. That main event is a great allegory for the whole show’s problems right now. There is talent on the roster but they need better people to work with them. Cena vs. Dupree, Eddie vs. JBL and the less entertaining version of Too Cool vs. the latest oddball combination isn’t exactly my idea of a good show. There’s nothing on here worth seeing and I’m really not sure I see that changing for a very long time. Sometimes you’ll see a show rise up to overcome its lack of talent but this one ran in the other direction and was dragged down. Horrible week and one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen from Smackdown.

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