IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 14, 2004
Location: Manchester Evening News Arena, Manchester, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the first ever Smackdown in England and we’re coming off a big surprise last week when the debuting Carlito Caribbean Cool won the US Title from John Cena. That wasn’t it though as Cena was attacked in a nightclub after the show, meaning he probably won’t be here tonight. However, we do get Hardcore Holly vs. JBL in a hardcore match for the World Title. That’s WWE’s gift to England: a Hardcore Holly title shot. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Teddy Long addresses the roster, including Rey Mysterio in a black suit, about Cena’s condition. Apparently he wanted this to be kept quiet, which makes me wonder why it was mentioned on Raw. Cena was stabbed in the kidney and it’s not clear when he will be back. The show must go on and now we need a #1 contender to the US Title. Therefore, it’s a battle royal later tonight for a shot later tonight. The roster is happy and leaves with Carlito coming in to say what happened to Cena was bound to happen sooner or later.

Opening sequence.

The color seems a bit more washed out for some reason. Must be a British thing.

Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree

Dupree rants in French, which somehow gets Kenzo Suzuki ejected. I’m not sure I get the connection there. Van Dam starts fast and monkey flips Dupree out to the floor but misses a suicide dive. The chinlock doesn’t last long for Dupree as he switches to the French Tickler, earning himself a SCARY release German suplex with Van Dam dropping him on the back of the head. Thankfully Dupree can still walk and even knocks Rob down before going outside for a chair. Rob kicks him in the face though and hits the Five Star for a fast pin.

The announcers get serious to talk about Heidenreich going into the crowd and attacking fans last week. The only thing we see is a kid crying for an effective visual.

Theodore Long yells at Paul Heyman for Heidenreich’s actions and rants about being responsible for the fans’ safety. They’re just lucky that they didn’t get sued. Tonight, Heyman and Heidenreich are going to apologize and they better be sincere. If Undertaker comes out there, they can deal with it.

Charlie Haas vs. Billy Kidman

Haas has a bad knee and no Jackie due to a neck injury, both suffered at Kidman’s hands. Charlie chokes away in the corner to start so Kidman gets smart and kicks at the knee like any intelligent villain. The knee gets wrapped around the post so here’s Dawn Marie to check on Charlie. Kidman doesn’t mind and hits the shooting star onto the knee for the pin. Using that as a weapon is an interesting way to go and Kidman has gotten a lot better in short order.

Post match Charlie gets put on a stretcher as Dawn screams a lot.

Luther Reigns rubs oil on himself and hits on the Page 3 girls. If they’re lucky, they’ll see him in action after the show too. They’re already seeing someone tonight though and of course that’s Eddie Guerrero. Reigns calls that a mistake and isn’t happy. Oh and he lied: they’re not that hot.

JBL is annoyed at what Undertaker did to him at No Mercy and now he has to face Hardcore Holly tonight. He’s a technical wrestler like Mil Mascaras or Bret Hart instead of a brawler. Now he has to come over here and defend the title in front of these barbaric fans. No one cares about England anyway but if the country was getting an enema, he would start it right here in Manchester. I’m sure Bret loved the comparison and stolen line in the same promo.

We look back at Cena losing the US Title last week.

Battle Royal

Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns, Mark Jindrak, Nunzio, Johnny Stamboli, Orlando Jordan, Billy Kidman, Rey Mysterio, Spike Dudley, Bubba Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Rico, Scotty 2 Hotty, Rob Van Dam, Eddie Guerrero, Rene Dupree, Kenzo Suzuki, Funaki

The winner gets a US Title shot later tonight and I think I’ve got everyone. The fans are behind Eddie as everyone starts punching to start. Eddie backdrops Jordan out for the first elimination and Funaki follows him out thanks to Angle. Dupree and Suzuki throw Nunzio out but Dupree dumps Suzuki immediately thereafter. Stamboli and Spike go out next as the ring is cleared out a bit.

The remaining Dudleys get rid of Van Dam (pretty early elimination for him) as the fans are still behind Eddie. Rey gets rid of Bubba and D-Von at the same time and Rob runs back in to dive onto Bubba as we take a break. Back with no more eliminations and Eddie raking Reigns’ eyes to get out of a gorilla press attempt. Scotty hits the Worm on Kidman, which seems a good bit excessive and indeed, Angle uses the distraction to toss Scotty without much effort.

Rico slugs away at Dupree and then kisses him, sending Rene over the top to eliminate himself. Rey headscissors Kidman out and Jindrak tosses Rico. We’re down to Mysterio, Guerrero, Angle, Jindrak and Reigns for a solid handicap match. Eddie hurricanranas Jindrak out in a hurry but gets knocked out as well to leave us with three. Eddie isn’t done though and distracts Reigns, allowing Rey to dropkick him out. Angle slams him down hard but it’s too early to throw him out.

A headscissors gets Rey out of trouble but the ankle lock over the rope makes it even worse. Angle grabs a suplex and throws him over the ropes again but still can’t stomp him out. A springboard dropkick staggers Angle and there’s a tornado DDT for good measure. They fight up top with Rey crotching Angle but only being able to knock him to the apron. The 619 is blocked and the straps come down but Rey hurricanranas him to the apron. This time the 619 to the back is enough to give Rey the win and the title shot.

Rating: B-. They had a lot of potential with the final five but went straight to the final two instead. The good thing is those two worked very well together and the last stretch was good. Rey as the first challenger to Carlito is a nice choice and the match advanced some feuds at the same time. It was long but didn’t feel long, which is about as good as you can get for a match like this.

Post break Rey is proud of his win but Carlito comes up to interrupt. He wants the title match tonight (which I thought was already established), as long as Rey doesn’t mind wrestling twice in one night. Rey says it’s on and turns away like a moron, allowing Carlito to deck him and spit the apple.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Hardcore Holly

JBL is defending in a hardcore match and comes out in a Rolls-Royce. Holly goes with the dropkick to start and clotheslines the champ outside as it’s already time for the weapons. He takes a bit too long looking at them though and gets sent into the steps, leaving JBL to look at them too long as well. That means a street sign to the head over and over before sending JBL into the announcers’ table.

A monitor to the head doesn’t do much to Holly as he comes back with a cricket bat. For the third time so far, Holly takes too long to swing something and gets kicked in the face. The fans want tables but have to settle for Holly backdropping out of a piledriver attempt and trashcaning JBL in the head. The steps take too long though and a nasty chair to the head retains JBL’s title.

Rating: C+. These two have chemistry together and they were smart to keep this short. Holly isn’t going to be taken seriously as a challenger so they were smart to get in and get out with the hard weapons shots being the focus. It’s not like this was anything more than a way to kill time before JBL’s next challenger emerges but at least we got some far better than expected matches.

We see Heidenreich making the kid cry again.

British fans are glad to have Smackdown.

Here are Heyman and Heidenreich to apologize. Heyman gives a simple one and makes Heidenreich read one off a paper. That’s not it though as Heidenreich says he’s sorry for what happened last week, but not what he did to Undertaker at No Mercy. That was done with malice and intent and now, he wants Undertaker to bring the fight to him. With no Undertaker appearing, Heidenreich heads outside and threatens some people, including Heyman, before letting it go.

We look back at Eddie Guerrero cheating to beat Luther Reigns at No Mercy.

Chavo Guerrero is back next week.

US Title: Carlito Caribbean Cool vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is banged up and challenging. Feeling out process to start until Rey gets sent to the apron for a quick springboard seated senton. Carlito is back up with a shot to the ribs but gets knocked off the apron for a heck of a dive from Mysterio. Back from a break with Rey in an armbar (better than a chinlock) before being thrown face first out to the floor. The armbar goes on again but this time Rey fights up and hits a dropkick for his second escape.

Something close to la majistral gives Rey two and a tornado DDT is good for the same. Carlito gets back up and just throws Rey into the air for a crash before getting two off a flying armbar. A hammerlock slam stays on the arm but Carlito decides to go up for the rather obvious dive into raised boots. The 619 looks to set up the West Coast Pop, which is countered into a Fujiwara armbar. Rey finally makes a rope so Carlito rolls him up and grabs the rope for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. I liked this way better than the Cena match last week as it had more of a focus and wasn’t just Carlito getting destroyed until he stole a win. The arm work was fine and Carlito cheating when he couldn’t win through normal means worked well. A win over Mysterio will help solidify Carlito, who needs to establish himself so soon out of the gate.

More Tough Enough contestants.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Luther Reigns

Eddie rides in with the Page 3 girls. Reigns isn’t happy and goes after him to start but gets dropkicked down for his efforts. That earns him a crotching and a belly to back suplex as Reigns is mad enough that he throws Eddie’s shirt to the floor. A few backbreakers keep Eddie in trouble with Reigns bending the back over his knee for some extra pain. Eddie dances up though and slugs away but the Third Amigo is blocked. Reigns’ swinging neckbreaker is countered as Eddie walks the ropes into something like a Sliced Bread #2 but an invading Jindrak breaks up the frog splash. Reigns throws him into the steps for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not enough time here as they only had a few minutes before a DQ ending. That being said, Reigns is FAR better in the short form matches as he’s really not able to do much aside from the basics. Jindrak interfering to mess with Eddie is fine, though there’s still not much to care about with Jindrak so far. Has he actually won a match yet?

Post match the beatdown is on and here’s Angle with the clippers. Big Show makes the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a well paced show as they kept things moving and nothing felt like it was longer than it needed to be. They advanced some of the stories as well and while it’s a long way before we get to Survivor Series, there’s at least enough to keep me interested going forward. More than anything else, I’m surprised at how tolerable JBL has been as champion. Maybe the bad comes later, but so far it’s been acceptable. Granted that might change over time, but I can’t complain much about the recent months. Good show here, and one of the better ones in a few months.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: September 2, 2004
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This feels like the big non-PPV month edition of the show with a huge main event in the form of Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle in a 2/3 falls match, which should blow off their feud once and for all. Other than that we have more between JBL and Undertaker, which is likely going to give us a title rematch at whatever the next pay per view is going to be. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening video focuses on Angle vs. Guerrero, as it certainly should. It really has been a great rivalry.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Booker T. for a chat. Booker is sick of everyone going around chanting CENA no matter where he is. Last week he tied to score in the series and we get a clip of the second match. That wasn’t it though, as Booker won the third match over the weekend, only needing a pull of the jean shorts to take the lead. Booker rhymes a bit but here’s Rey Mysterio to cut him off, giving us a great bugged out eye look.

Rey thinks Booker must be sick of the John Cena chants and might prefer the 619 version. A fight is teased but here’s Kenzo Suzuki to interrupt. Kenzo says 619 is an American area code and since Rey isn’t from America, he is a liar, liar, pants on fire. That’s not cool with Suzuki, who is a real American with a smile like Tom Cruise. Rob Van Dam comes in and jumps Suzuki, only to have Rene Dupree jump him to keep things even. Theodore Long comes out to make a six man tag for right now.

Booker T./Kenzo Suzuki/Rene Dupree vs. Rey Mysterio/Rob Van Dam/John Cena

Booker is in street clothes. We’re joined in progress with Cena planting Suzuki but a Booker distraction breaks up the Shuffle. It’s enough to allow Booker to come in and hammer away before handing it off to Dupree. That’s fine with Cena who ax handles him down and brings in the fresh Van Dam. Dupree gets kicked down and it’s time for an early standoff.

Booker comes back in for some more success but, possibly not being so comfortable wrestling in business casual, hands it back to Dupree for a chinlock. The hold lasts as long as you would expect as it’s off to Rey for the springboard spinning crossbody. Rey breaks up the French Tickler and Van Dam comes back in as everything breaks down. A 619 into Dropping the Dime finishes Dupree.

Rating: C-. Kind of a bland match but it was a better idea than the same singles matches that we’re going to see time after time. The problem here though is the villains, as neither Dupree or Suzuki are even remotely intimidating or imposing. Neither is a threat to Mysterio or Van Dam, meaning these matches aren’t the most enthralling.

We see the ending of Angle vs. Guerrero at Wrestlemania.

Long comes up to Paul Heyman in the back and wants to see Heidenreich. That’s not possible as Heidenreich is behind a locked door due to public safety. Long can dig that, but Heyman is personally responsible for Heidenreich’s actions. After attacking Josh Matthews last week, Heidenreich is being fined $5000, which is Heyman’s responsibility. Oh and no checks, as Heyman isn’t the most reliable when it comes to money. Heyman: “Holla holla holla to you too Mr. Long.”

We look back at Billy Kidman hitting the shooting star press on Chavo Guerrero last week with his knee hitting Chavo’s head. In unseen footage from last week, we see Chavo being tended to by medics. He was unconscious for five minutes and very hazy for twenty more.

Jamie Noble comes up to Kidman in the back, saying Kidman should be gone after what happened last week. Kidman thinks Jamie sounds afraid and doesn’t exactly seem apologetic.

Carlito Caribbean Cool is coming and you better be cool.

Billy Kidman/Paul London vs. FBI

Non-title and it’s Nunzio and Johnny Stamboli for the Italians. During their entrances, the FBI talks about how they’re a bit weary of the shooting star as well. Nunzio’s advice: don’t play dead or you’ll be dead. London wastes no time in kicking Nunzio out to the floor but everything breaks down in a hurry. We settle down to Johnny backdropping London with ease as Tazz explains why Johnny is called the Bull. Something about him being strong.

The comeback doesn’t take long and the hot tag brings in Kidman, who is suddenly dangerous. A headscissors takes Nunzio down and a neckbreaker gets zero as Johnny makes one of the fastest saves of all time. Johnny gets knocked outside with London hitting a flip dive to the floor, leaving Kidman to dropkick Nunzio down. Kidman goes up…but has a crisis of confidence and can’t launch. Instead he climbs down and tags London back in, allowing Nunzio to grab a backslide for the pin.

Rating: D+. I can certainly appreciate turning something that happened organically into a storyline, but this is the second time the champs have lost a non-title match to a very low level team. The division is hardly deep in the first place and having your champions, who work well together, lose to teams like this is a bad idea, especially so frequently.

Post match Kidman isn’t sure what to do but here’s Heidenreich to beat up both champs. Just in case they had something left in the tank. The beatdown goes on for a long time with Heyman having to come in and calm things down.

Long sends a referee to get Heidenreich because the fines are increasing. Torrie Wilson comes in to say she’s nervous about Big Show coming back. Does anyone remember that story? Long says this is a different Big Show, because he’s attended anger management. As you might guess, Torrie isn’t convinced.

Orlando Jordan vs. Charlie Haas

JBL, now without the halo, because you heal faster after having one of those ripped off before you get beaten up, is out for commentary. Haas takes him down without much effort but the referee rather annoyingly walks between them, allowing Jordan to spear him down. Jordan unhooks a turnbuckle pad before going with a kick to Haas’ ribs. Haas ducks a high crossbody and gets caught in a high collar suplex for two. Jordan gets desperate and goes for the turnbuckle, sending Haas into the exposed steal. A neckbreaker (kind of a reverse Twist of Fate) finishes Haas.

Rating: D. You have to establish Jordan as the lackey but that wasn’t exactly the most thrilling way to do it. Then again, nothing about Jordan has ever been described as thrilling and that was on full display here. At some point, the lack of talent is going to catch up with you and that’s the case with Jordan. He’s just not very good and there’s no way around it.

Post match Jordan distracts the referee so JBL can hit the Clothesline.

Ivory, Linda McMahon and Big Show are at the Republican National Convention. Show could not look less interested if he tried in the most entertaining part of the night.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardcore Holly/Billy Gunn

Spike is here with Bubba and D-Von and slaps Holly before the bell. It doesn’t seem to matter as Gunn shoulders D-Von down to take over early on. Bubba offers a trip though and D-Von nails a quick clothesline. Some elbow drops get two but Gunn gets in an elbow of his own, allowing the hot tag to Holly.

The crowd reaction is about what you would expect but Holly plows ahead anyway. Everything breaks down and Spike pulls D-Von out of the way of a charge. Bubba charges into an elbow in the corner and gets caught with a top rope bulldog, only to have Spike come in with a title shot to the head, giving Bubba the easy pin.

Rating: D. And that’s Gunn’s last match in WWE for over eight years. I know he got a very nice midcard push at one point, but how far can you go with a name and theme song of Mr. A**? The answer would be a lot higher than expected, but there’s only so much you can do with what he had. He certainly had a great career, especially in tag team wrestling, and the Hall of Fame induction is coming one day. I was never much of a fan though and watching him back after the Attitude Era hasn’t been a lot of fun. Gunn did well for himself, but he must have a headache from hitting that ceiling so hard.

Clip of the end of Guerrero vs. Angle from Summerslam.

Carlito is still coming. Nothing has changed in the last thirty five minutes. At least it’s a different vignette, but it doesn’t hide the fact that he’s a weaker version of Razor Ramon.

Raw Rebound.

Smackdown Throwback: Big Show and Brock Lesnar break the ring. I know it’s been done again since but that’s still an incredible sight.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

2/3 falls. They go with the amateur grappling to start with Angle naturally getting the better of things. Eddie spins out of a front facelock and we get the first of what will likely be multiple standoffs. Angle goes with an armbar so Eddie picks the ankle for the break. The technical stuff continues with Angle grabbing a headlock, plus a handful of hair for a bonus. Back up and Eddie grabs a headlock but this time grabs the singlet to match the cheating move for move.

Angle isn’t happy so Eddie grabs it again to start setting in the frustration. He is however smart enough to take the singlet down, causing Cole to dub this a chess match. Tazz: “You take your clothes off when you play chess?” Angle gets his singlet pulled down and it’s time to take a breather as Eddie lays across the top rope. Back in and Eddie dances a bit before grabbing a waistlock, only to have Angle get in a clandestine low blow to take over. Eddie kicks him low right back, earning himself a DQ for the first fall.

We take a break and come back with Angle getting two off a suplex. Angle slaps on the waistlock until Eddie suplexes his way to freedom. You don’t suplex with Angle though as a belly to belly takes Eddie right back down for two. The chinlock goes on (with Angle ripping at the face like a villain should) for a bit before Angle rolls the German suplexes. The Angle Slam is loaded up but Eddie reverses into a rollup to tie things up in a hurry.

We take another break and come back with Eddie caught in another waistlock. Eddie snaps up and hits a hurricanrana but can’t follow up. Angle’s right hand just fires Eddie up and the comeback is on. The first Amigo is countered into a German suplex but the Angle Slam is countered into a DDT. Eddie goes up for the frog splash and of course it’s Angle running the corner for the belly to belly superplex.

Yet another German suplex is countered into a roll into the buckle, allowing Eddie to hit Three Amigos this time around. Cue Luther Reigns to distract Eddie from the frog splash though, allowing Angle to roll out of the way. Another Angle Slam sets up the ankle lock (first time in the match), which Eddie rolls through into a ref bump. Instead of doing the smart thing though, Eddie dives onto Reigns and grabs a chair.

Some weak shots abound, setting up Eddie laying down and throwing the chair to Angle. Naturally the referee sees it and yells as Eddie lays on his side and waves before dropping back down. That’s such an easy joke but Eddie makes it work. The referee keeps yelling so Reigns chairs Eddie in the knee, setting up the ankle lock for the tap.

Rating: B. It’s good and something close to a greatest hits collection, but it really didn’t hit the top gear that you might have expected. The match wasn’t quite a classic but what we got was very good. It looked rather crisp and it was so nice to have Angle hold out on the ankle lock until the end. Thirty minutes at this level is nothing to sneeze at and Eddie even has a door open for one more match if necessary. It’s a fitting end to the feud as they called back to previous matches and had a good match of their own right here.

Post match Reigns lays Eddie out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The main event is certainly good, but the rest of the show was a great example of how boring things can be around here right now. The tag division in particular looked awful and there isn’t much aside from Eddie vs. Angle and Booker vs. Cena, which isn’t enough to carry the show week to week. It’s enough this week, but I don’t think they can count on thirty minutes from Angle and Eddie every single time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: August 12, 2004
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and things are mostly set for the pay per view. The big story (if you can call it that) coming out of last week’s show is Orlando Jordan joining forces with JBL, meaning it’s probably time for Jordan to die at Undertaker’s hands. Other than that we’ll be in for some last minute pushes towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are JBL and Orlando Jordan to open things up. After a quick look at the mini Undertaker and Jordan saving JBL last week, JBL paraphrases Richard Nixon by saying that he is not a midget. He’s certainly not intimidated by Undertaker though he’s certainly respectful of what Undertaker has done in WWE. JBL lists off a variety of names that Undertaker has defeated over his career but JBL isn’t on that list.

Undertaker may have few weaknesses, but JBL is going to exploit them at Summerslam. Championships are won in the ring, which is where JBL defies the odds. At Summerslam, JBL will not only remain WWE Champion but defeat the Undertaker. That brings him to Jordan, who is both a great American and JBL’s new Chief of Staff.

Jordan says JBL has taught him that you have to take something you want, which is why he stopped Undertaker last week. Not that JBL needed the help or anything. JBL compares Jordan to the troops overseas and announces that it’s Jordan vs. Undertaker tonight. They’re trying to hide the fact that Jordan is Jordan and it’s not really working.

Spike Dudley vs. Paul London

Non-title. The Dudleys vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman/London is confirmed for Summerslam. Speaking of the Dudleys, they come out to start things off, complete with Bubba wearing a bandanna for an odd look. London gets sent outside early on and Kidman stares the Dudleys down to prevent violence. Back in and the Dudley Dog is blocked and London kicks him in the face for two. An enziguri drops Spike again but Ray breaks up the 450, allowing Spike to get a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. Short angle advancement here as the Dudleys win because of the numbers game. I’m still not sold on Spike as the evil boss but there are worse storylines to get upset about around here. London and Kidman still can’t get away from the Dudleys, which isn’t doing their title reign any favors. Not a terrible match, but it wasn’t exactly designed to be a great one.

Post match the Dudleys beat the champs down.

Cole and Tazz explain the main event, which is called a Summer Games Relay. It’s a six man tag, but the catch is the match is made up of five minute periods. One person each will start for five minutes, then there’s a coin toss. The winning team gets to send in a replacement for five minutes. After that is over, the team that lost the toss gets to send in their replacement for five minutes. They keep alternating every five minutes until there’s a fall. That doesn’t sound bad.

Heidenreich and Paul Heyman will be at Summerslam.

Scotty 2 Hotty asks what’s up with Spike. It’s simple: Spike has just come home to his family and it’s gotten him the Cruiserweight Title. So who needs friends? A slap to the face looks to set up a fight but Bubba and D-Von intervene.

Kurt Angle comes in to Theodore Long’s office to rant about Eddie Guerrero selling his stuff. Long says it was for charity and offers to let Angle call Eddie out tonight. But is Kurt man enough to go out there and do it? Angle says he is, so Teddy tells him to get to steppin.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Nunzio

Nunzio has Johnny the Bull with him. Chavo works on the arm to start but gets taken down into a front facelock. That’s broken up so a Johnny distraction lets Nunzio snap off a hurricanrana. Chavo is fine enough to hit a t-bone suplex but the Gory Bomb is reversed. A rollup with a grab of the ropes gives Chavo two as Johnny breaks it up. Nunzio grabs a rollup of his own for the pin, even though Chavo seemed to get his shoulder up. Nothing special but quite the random filler match.

Undertaker vs. Orlando Jordan

There’s smoke in the ring as a loud TAKER chant starts up. The arm cranking begins but Jordan shoulders away in the corner to break up Old School. Undertaker charges into a boot in the corner and Jordan stomps away. That’s pretty much it for Jordan’s offense as it’s a chokeslam to send him outside. Back in and Old School connects, setting up something like a DDT for two.

The required JBL distraction lets Jordan get in a low blow and a few right hands. Undertaker realizes how bad it looks to sell for this goof and throws Jordan outside again, only to get thrown into the steps. Back in again and the jumping clothesline sets up the running corner clothesline. Snake Eyes connects but JBL comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D-. There’s just no way around it: Jordan is terrible at just about everything he does and having Undertaker sell for him wasn’t a good idea. Undertaker is challenging for the World Title in three days and he’s in trouble against Jordan? There’s a reason that Jordan hasn’t been around in months and this showed just how bad he was. Really bad match and I don’t see it getting any better.

The villains bail and Undertaker sits up for the stare.

Here’s Long to talk about Angle vs. Guerrero at Summerslam. Angle and Guerrero come out with Eddie asking about Angle’s wheelchair and the missing Luther Reigns. Since Angle doesn’t have anywhere to hide, he has to say something to Eddie’s face. Angle says he doesn’t have to hide because he had a legitimate injury. Eddie has no idea what it’s like to have something taken from you like that, but Eddie says that’s what Angle did to him when he stole the WWE Championship.

Angle brings up Eddie stealing his stuff (Eddie: “That was for a good cause!”) and then showing that footage from Wrestlemania where Eddie stole a victory. It’s just a way of hiding the fact that Eddie has to cheat to beat him. Maybe it’s true that Eddie can’t beat him without cheating, maybe he can. That’s what we need to find out on Sunday because Angle can’t hide behind his General Manager position any longer. Maybe Angle doesn’t know if he can beat Eddie either.

Long cuts them off and says that in the spirit of competition, he wants to see a handshake, if they’re man enough that is. They shake hands rather aggressively to end a very good segment. This is a well told story with both guys having a reason to be here. They’ve built it up over several months and I want to see what’s going to be a great match. Sometimes it really is that simple.

Team Cena vs. Team Booker T.

Rob Van Dam, Charlie Haas, John Cena

Booker T., Luther Reigns, Rene Dupree

One fall to a finish with Van Dam and Booker starting. Why it’s not Captain Cena starting isn’t clear but maybe they want to save that showdown for the first of at least three matches at Summerslam. Team Booker already won the toss so they’ll get the first replacement after five minutes. The rules are a little complicated but it sounds fun. Before the match, Cena praises his teammates and likes Jackie’s eyes. Yes eyes.

Booker and Van Dam trade hammerlocks to start with Rob getting the better of an armbar. A hot shot gets Booker out of trouble and the hook kick to the face gets two. The armbar doesn’t get Booker very far so he chops away in the corner. Rob is right back with a loud kick to the head and the step over kick gets two more. There’s a jumping kick to the face and the Five Star but the first period expires, meaning Luther Reigns comes in before the pin. The beatdown is on and we take a break.

Back with Rob throwing some right hands and hitting the springboard kick to the face. Rolling Thunder gets two but Reigns catches him with a spinebuster to end the second period. That means Haas comes into tie Luther’s leg in the ropes and pull on it a bit. A quick crank of the leg and a takedown keeps the leg in trouble but Reigns is right up with a butterfly suplex. Haas gets clotheslined for two and a belly to back gets the same.

Back from another break with Rene working over a beaten down Haas. Rene takes a bit too long going up top though and gets dropkicked out of the air. That and a bridging German suplex give Haas two, followed by more suplexes for more two’s. Booker trips Haas from the floor though and Rene grabs an STF (which might be worse than Cena’s) until time expires. Cena comes in and, after checking on Haas, takes Rene down for some bad right hands to the head. A running neckbreaker out of the corner gets Dupree out of trouble and it’s off to a camel clutch.

Cena breaks up that and a regular chinlock but misses the flying shoulder. The French Tickler wastes some time, but Tazz does get to sing about it which is always a highlight. Another comeback includes the FU attempt but Dupree grabs the rope to kill off the rest of the time. Booker comes in again and hits the hooking kick to the face. A You Can’t See Me knee drop gets two and it’s off to the chinlock. Cena fights up and drops Booker to the floor, with Van Dam getting in a few shots. Tazz declares that not kosher, especially as Cena rolls Booker up for the pin.

Rating: C+. The wrestling wasn’t awesome here but they did have a unique idea and it was perfectly watchable throughout. Cena getting the pin ahead of Sunday is fine, even if that match doesn’t mean anything on that night. It was fun and different though, which is certainly better than watching some of the same stuff over and over again, which happens far too often.

A brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s a tale of two shows here with the main event working and the JBL/Orlando Jordan stuff being rather awful. There’s not much you can do to get around a lack of talent and WWE doesn’t seem to get that with Jordan. At least there was some other stuff to balance it out, but that’s not exactly enough to make this show work. Angle and Eddie were awesome and that helped a lot, but they couldn’t make up for the rest of the show being pretty lame.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: August 5, 2004
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re getting close to Summerslam and the big story around here is over the US Title with Booker T. winning the title in an eight way match last week. John Cena isn’t happy though and is still coming for Booker and the title, which you have to imagine will take place at Summerslam. Oh and Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero still hate each other. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

New General Manager Theodore Long opens the show with pictures of Vince McMahon and Martin Luther King Jr. in his office. One had a vision and the other had a dream but they’ve both made him want to make Smackdown a great show for the fans. If you thought last week’s show was great, you haven’t seen anything yet. Call your friends and knock on your neighbor’s door because we’re starting with a #1 contenders match.

John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam

The winner gets a shot at Booker at some point in the future. They trade waistlocks to start and that’s a clean break. Van Dam slips out of a headscissors of all things and that’s an early standoff. Another clean break gives us a handshake as the fans switch from Van Dam to Cena. Van Dam gets tossed outside where he kicks Cena in the head to take over. Cena is smart enough to get off the barricade before the spinning kick can connect. Now why has no one else ever thought of that?

They fight over a suplex on the apron with Cena suplexing him out to the floor for a nasty landing as we take a break. Back with Cena getting two off a release fisherman’s suplex but Van Dam kicks him in the head again. Another kick to the face keeps Cena in trouble as Booker is cheering both of them on in the back. The split legged moonsault gives Van Dam two and Rolling Thunder is good for the same.

Since it’s been a few minutes since we’ve seen one, Van Dam kicks him in the face and goes up top for….actually a guillotine legdrop instead of the Five Star. Cena grabs a DDT (Why did he stop using that?) for a delayed two of his own. One heck of an elbow to the jaw rocks Van Dam and the ProtoBomb plants him again.

The Shuffle gets two and Cena goes up, which isn’t likely to be a good idea. Indeed Van Dam kicks him in the head and grabs a superplex but Cena reverses into a small package for the pin (the stupid kind where they’re both laying down and then kick their legs up for no reason other than to get to the finish) and the title shot.

Rating: B-. Cena is looking more and more like the guy who could be the next star every time he’s out there. The comedy is starting to take a backseat to the good, quality matches and while this wasn’t a great one, it was solid with Cena helping Van Dam put on a nice performance. A feud with Booker is only going to help him.

We get a show of respect post match.

Long comes in to see Booker and says he and Cena are so equal that one match isn’t enough. There’s going to be a best of five series for the title with the first match taking place at “Summer Games”.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero for a chat, complete with Torrie Wilson, Sable and Dawn Marie in the low rider. All of Kurt Angle’s stuff that Eddie is auctioning off is in the ring and the auction ends tonight. That’s why the women are here: to help raise the value. This includes putting the cast on Torrie and having her sit in the wheelchair so the women can sign the cast. Then we have the signed photo of Angle but Eddie is staring at Sable instead.

The girls autograph that too before Eddie moves on to talking about Angle’s last match. That just happened to be against Eddie at Wrestlemania where Eddie pinned him in a classic. Eddie promises to win again and we see an Olympic themed commercial of Eddie gluing the other runners to their starting blocks to win a Gold Medal of his own.

Rene Dupree vs. Orlando Jordan

I had almost forgotten Jordan existed. Dupree knocks him outside and into the steps to start before throwing right hands inside. Jordan gets thrown to the apron so Dupree can hit the French Tickler. With the dancing done, Dupree turns around into a high crossbody to give Jordan the upset. Yay.

JBL arrives and asks Josh how he’s doing while using hand sanitizer after shaking hands. He’s not afraid of Undertaker you see and is calling him out tonight.

Kurt Angle vs. Charlie Haas

This is Angle’s first match since Wrestlemania with Luther Reigns and Miss Jackie here as well. Feeling out process to start as they trade takedowns and escapes. Angle hits a hiptoss and Haas is right back with an armdrag into an armbar. Another armdrag sends Angle bailing out to the floor and we take an early break.

Back with Haas grabbing a hammerlock but getting snapmared into a chinlock. With the wrestling not getting us very far, Angle starts hammering away in the corner to really take over. Haas grabs a suplex and hammers away in the corner but walks into the belly to belly. The chinlock with a knee in the back goes on before Angle gets frustrated at the repeated kickouts.

A bodyscissors keeps Haas down but he fights up and sends Angle outside for a breather. Back in and Angle goes shoulder first into the post, setting up a springboard twisting ax handle (the announcers are surprised too) to give Haas two. That’s enough for Angle as he picks the ankle but gets sent into the corner. Angle isn’t having that either and takes down the straps, setting up the grapevined ankle lock for the tap.

Rating: B-. This was a good return for Angle as he wasn’t as sharp as he used to be but started to put it together as the match went on. Haas was a smart choice here as Angle is better at everything that Haas can do but Haas can still make him work. Angle is going to get better and better with some more matches, capped off by the big one at Summerslam.

Summerslam rundown.

Raw Rebound.

Tag Team Titles: Basham Brothers vs. Billy Kidman/Paul London

Kidman and London are defending. Danny starts with Kidman but it’s quickly off to London for a double hiptoss. A slingshot legdrop keeps Danny in trouble but Doug pulls Kidman off the apron to take over. Kidman gets dropped ribs first onto the top rope to make things even worse and we hit the bearhug. A kick to the head gives Danny two but Kidman scores with a dropkick and dives over for the tag off to London. Everything breaks down and Kidman uses London’s back as a launchpad for an enziguri. The 450 retains the titles.

Rating: C. Now this is the kind of thing that the champs needed. They had a nice little title defense here against a known team and won clean. Build up the credibility a bit and the reign will feel a little more important. The Bashams are so much better without Shaniqua, as they’ve gone from a joke to an average team, which is quite the upgrade.

John Cena wants you to vote.

Paul Heyman/Heidenreich video.

Rey Mysterio/Spike Dudley vs. Dudley Boyz

A loud Bubba drives Spike into the corner to start and a dropkick to Bubba only hurts Spike’s knee. Rey comes in and Spike walks it off on the floor as you might see something coming here. Mysterio’s springboard moonsault has Bubba in trouble and D-Von charges into a boot in the corner. In a questionable move, Spike tags himself in and missile dropkicks D-Von, only to hurt the knee again.

The distraction lets Bubba gorilla press Rey onto D-Von’s raised knee to bang up the ribs. The bearhug doesn’t last long and Bubba/s big elbow draws a smile. D-Von dives into a raised boot and the springboard seated senton puts Bubba down. Rey has to fight both Dudleys off at the same time with D-Von breaking up the 619. The 3D finishes Mysterio with Spike not being able to get in for the save.

Rating: D+. Just a match here and there’s a good chance that its main purpose was to set up a post match angle. Mysterio losing to both Dudleys in a glorified handicap match is fine and it gets the Dudleys some momentum back, though I’m not sure how interesting a story built around Spike is going to be.

Post match Spike helps Rey up and then turns on him, celebrating with his brothers instead. Spike wants a table and puts Rey through one with a top rope double stomp, setting up villainous posing. Uh, ok. I’m not sure why I’m supposed to care about Spike Dudley as a big villain, but this is somewhat (I think) better than having the Dudleys as the top heels. At least there’s no attempted murder involved.

Here’s JBL in the ring to call out Undertaker. He used to be a Texan but now he’s so glad to have moved to New York City. Now that he’s returned, he was hoping for the hero’s welcome that he deserved but tonight is about business. That’s why he’s calling Undertaker out right here and right now instead of waiting for Summerslam. The gong sounds and, in one of the famous WWE tropes, it’s a mini Taker. Tazz finds it hilarious, calling him the Undertoddler. JBL: “You look a lot bigger on television.”

He gets on his knees to look Undertaker eye to eye and makes a bunch of short jokes before loading the mini Taker up for a Tombstone. The gong goes off again though and the real Undertaker appears. It’s a quick beatdown to set up a Tombstone but Orlando Jordan of all people runs in for the save. Undertaker poses and the mini version does the same, earning a chokeslam to end the show. There were some good lines from JBL but this was eye rolling WWE comedy at its “finest”.

Overall Rating: C+. The wrestling was good here and they advanced some stories, there were a few things on here holding it back. The ending segment, along with Spike’s turn, aren’t exactly thrilling stuff and having Jordan be JBL’s lackey is far from interesting. I mean, there’s a reason that I had forgotten Jordan even existed until tonight. There’s some good stuff on here and enough to make the show easy to watch, which is about as you can ask for at times. Hopefully Summerslam is as good as the better half of the build has been, though it’s still not as strong as Raw at the moment.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: July 29, 2004
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Things are picking up around here and that’s a good thing. Last week Vince McMahon reinstated Kurt Angle as a wrestler after Angle went nuts and fired a bunch of people. That set up Eddie Guerrero vs. Angle at Summerslam, but there’s a lot of stuff to get through tonight first. Tonight we have two title matches with the Cruiserweight and Tag Team Titles on the line. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Vince and Angle with Eddie coming out in the car to celebrate. Not noteworthy on its own, but Vince getting in the car and being scared by the bouncing was funny.

Opening sequence.

Tonight: a new General Manager made.

Cole clears up a point by saying Vince rehired everyone that Angle fired after the show went off the air last week. Simple, to the point, and fixes the whole thing in one sentence during an introduction. Learn from Michael Cole people.

Here’s Booker T., wearing the US Title, for a chat. Angle promised to make him the new US Champion but now Angle is gone, so the new boss needs to officially name him champion. Instead here are Kenzo Suzuki and Hiroko to interrupt. Booker says he doesn’t want to hear from someone in charge of the late night sushi bar at the Tokyo Inn. Kenzo rants a lot and Hiroko translates to “he should be US Champion.” Oh and Booker’s breath smells bad.

This brings out Rob Van Dam but before he can say anything, Luther Reigns cuts them off. Now it’s Rene Dupree as the ring is starting to fill up. Charlie Haas and Billy Gunn are next but John Cena comes out to the big reaction. Cena makes it clear that this is his house and the big fight is on. Before that goes very far though, here’s Vince McMahon to say this isn’t happening. It’s not his place to fix things though because that’s up to the new General Manager. Vince wants the new boss out here right now and it’s…..Theodore Long.

That’s enough for Vince as Long says we have eight men arguing like children over the US Title. Only one of them deserves to be the champion and that is….not revealed yet as Booker cuts him off to accept the title. Long says not so fast because tonight, it’s an eight way elimination match to crown the new champion. Holla.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Spike Dudley

Rey is defending and we’re ready to go after a handshake. Feeling out process to start as they both seem rather tentative. Rey grabs an armbar which seems to annoy Spike and it turns into a brawl, with both guys falling out to the floor. Back in and Rey hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two and it’s off to a double arm pull. Spike fights up and sends him hard into the corner to take over.

A headscissors sends Rey face first into the buckle but he’s fine enough to block a superplex attempt. Rey gets two off a basement dropkick but Spike sends him into the corner again, setting up a bulldog for two of his own. The top rope double stomp hits raised boots so Rey loads up the 619. Cue D-Von to distract the referee though and Bubba to trip Rey, setting up a springboard Dudley Dog to give Spike the pin and the title.

Rating: C. This didn’t have the time to get very far but what we had was good. Bubba and D-Von interfering comes off like a big storyline point and it’s not like Rey losing the title hurts him very much. He’s the most successful cruiserweight of all time and there isn’t much of a need to keep the title on him. Let the title build up someone else, like Spike for example.

Spike isn’t pleased with what his brothers did.

Raw Rebound.

In case you didn’t get it, bonus footage during the break shows that Spike isn’t pleased with what his brothers did.

We recap the Undertaker coming out last week to challenge JBL for Summerslam.

Long promises to make sure the women are utilized on Smackdown going forward. He heads into his office (an empty room aside from the desk) and finds Angle, who insists he isn’t hiding. Angle came here to get his stuff, but it’s already been packed. So wait. Angle was fired last week in Philadelphia but people came to Cincinnati and set up his stuff anyway?

With that leap in logic out of the way, Angle suggests the Long got the job because he’s black. Teddy: “You mean after all these years, it turns out that I’m black???” Long puts Angle in a match against an unspecified opponent for later. Angle isn’t happy so Long fines him for not bringing his gear. The match is moved to next week since Angle isn’t prepared.

Paul Heyman and Heidenreich are coming.

Tag Team Titles: Billy Kidman/Paul London vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleys are challenging. London armdrags and dropkicks D-Von for two to start. It’s off to Bubba and you can feel things getting a little more intense. A toss sends London into the corner so Kidman comes in instead. Bubba can’t quite get out of an armbar and some armdrags make things even worse. Everything breaks down for a bit until Bubba pulls Kidman down by the hair to take over. The Dudleys seem rather popular here as London gets sent to the floor, leaving Kidman in that much more trouble.

Back from a break with Kidman sunset flipping D-Von for two but getting caught in the neck crank. A quick knee to the head gets Kidman out of trouble and the hot tag brings London back in. D-Von gets kicked in the jaw for two and there’s a rolling version to Bubba’s head for a bonus. A double superplex brings D-Von back down for two but Bubba pulls Kidman to the floor. One heck of a clothesline gets two on London and Bubba grabs a chair, only to have Mysterio show up for a dropkick to drive it into Bubba’s face. Back inside and London small packages D-Von tor retain.

Rating: C. The ending made sense given the previous match so the storyline certainly fits. London and Kidman retaining the titles was the right call as, just like Mysterio, the Dudleys don’t need the titles and there’s no reason to give them back when you can build up some fresh people. It was good action too and that makes for a rather nice match as some new champions (who weren’t beaten when Rey got involved) get another good win.

Mick Foley and Ivory were at the Democratic National Convention.

Eddie Guerrero has something in the back of his rather great looking low rider. One thing he doesn’t have: a smudge on the car, which he cleans off and grins a lot.

Here’s Eddie for a chat. He enjoyed seeing Angle begging for his life last week but knows that’s nothing compared to what’s going to happen at Summerslam. If Angle wants, they can do this tonight. With no Angle, Eddie says to unload the car….which is all of the stuff from Angle’s office. He stole it if that wasn’t clear. Since Angle isn’t in charge anymore, let’s give this stuff to someone else.

That’s why he’s putting all of this stuff up for auction on WWE.com, with the proceeds going to charity. That includes a fake cast, a framed photo complete with WWE Championship (Eddie recommends putting it in the bathroom), a wheelchair primed for hydraulics and a photo of Angle….which gets a few bonus drawings from Eddie.

Now we get the big item: gold medals for sale. With the bidding up to a full dollar, Angle comes out to interrupt. He has a seat in the low rider but Eddie says there’s an anti-theft device included. Angle turns the key and powder sprays into his face. Eddie: “You think I was lying?” Eddie plays Angle’s music so the fans can get in some YOU SUCK’S.

Next week: Spike and Rey vs. the Dudleys.

On Velocity: JBL in action.

Speaking of JBL, here’s a video on why he’s an amazing American who deserves your support, including videos of him playing baseball as a kid. He was a great football player but wanted one on one competition so he became a wrestler. Oh and he’s a patriot, self made millionaire, and kisser of babies.

US Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Billy Gunn vs. Charlie Haas vs. Luther Reigns vs. Kenzo Suzuki vs. Booker T., vs. John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

The title is vacant coming in and this is under elimination rules. Thankfully there are only two in at a time so tags are required. Charlie and Rob start things off with Van Dam missing a kick and getting armdragged down. Back up and Rene pulls Van Dam by the hair before tagging himself in to pound Haas between the shoulders. Haas armbars him for a bit until a right hand puts him right back in trouble. The fans chant for Cena but the preliminaries aren’t quite over yet. Billy makes a quick blind tag and hits a Fameasser for the pin on Haas.

Back from a break with Dupree flapjacking Gunn for two and hitting some rather lame right hands. The French Tickler is broken up and Gunn hits a big backdrop before hammering away in the corner. Reigns comes in and hits hit swinging neckbreaker to get rid of Dupree and now it’s off to Cena for the big reaction. Cena hammers away in the corner but gets shoved away, setting up a butterfly suplex for two.

The chinlock goes on for a bit until Cena takes him to the floor for a whip into the steps. Hiroko distracts Cena so he kisses her and dances, earning a belt to the back from Suzuki. We’ll ignore the “pinfall and submission are the only ways to be eliminated” line from Cole at the beginning of the match because Suzuki is disqualified.

Back from another break with Booker kicking Cena in the face but getting punched into the corner. That’s enough for the latest tag to Gunn, who gets two off a fisherman’s suplex. The chinlock is countered into a belly to back suplex and Cena scores with a DDT. Billy grabs the One And Only for a very close two but walks into the FU for the elimination. Reigns comes in next and runs Cena over for two more. Stomping and a knee drop look to set up a powerslam but Cena slips out and another FU gets rid of Reigns.

We’re down to Cena, Van Dam and Booker, who comes in with a Book End for two on Cena. A DDT drops Booker but Rob tags himself in for some kicks to the ribs and a northern lights suplex for two more. Cena gets kicked in the face again and there’s the split legged moonsault for another near fall. This time it’s Booker tagging himself in though and, after a Five Star from Van Dam, he steals a pin on Cena. A quick rollup finishes Van Dam to make Booker champion.

Rating: C-. The match was longer than I would have liked, but at the same time I definitely prefer something like this over having Booker beat Cena by shenanigans in a singles match. You can almost guarantee Booker vs. Cena in a big time title match at Summerslam so why burn through it here? Cena lost clean by the rules here but it wasn’t in a singles match, so maybe he can win the title back later on. Today, this would have been Booker cheats to win, then Cena wins a rematch to get another title shot, then they have three matches in a row for the title. At least this keeps things a bit more fresh, which would be very welcome today.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the best here but the booking and storytelling made sense with a lot of stuff being set up for next week and beyond. Throw in JBL not actually appearing with the over the top vignette airing instead and this was a lot easier to watch. They’ve changed things for the better in recent weeks and I’ll certainly take that over the nightmares they were producing in the early summer.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

I forgot I had redone this and it really, really needed it.

December To Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Speaking of no effort on the undercard, of the five matches aside from the main event, one was announced. Yeah of a six match card, you were told two matches and still expected to pay the full price for the show. Now the good sign here is that the other announced match was the reunited Hardy Boyz vs. MNM (Joey Mercury and Johnny Nitro, a good young team and reminiscent of the Hardys.) but the lack of effort here does not bode well. Let’s get to it.

Naturally the opening video focuses on the Chamber and how amazing it is that there are WEAPONS in the pods now.

MNM vs. Hardy Boyz

Jeff is Intercontinental Champion coming in and fresh off a long feud with Nitro. MNM has Melina with them and this is the result of an open challenge issued by Matt and Jeff. Matt and Mercury start things off with Hardy getting in a shoulder before it’s time for a four man standoff. It’s time to work on Joey’s arm but it’s off to Nitro, who takes a hiptoss of his own. Everything breaks down again and something like a double belly to back suplex drops Mercury again. Joey finally gets in a shot to the ribs, only to have Johnny get caught in a Razor’s Edge into a sitout powerbomb.

Melina offers a distraction so Matt can get caught by a clothesline. The fans try to make this feel like ECW by shouting about various diseases Melina has but it’s just no the same. A quick headscissors from Melina has Tazz making jokes about her short skirt, as well as setting up a double faceplant for two on Matt. The announcers keep bickering and you can tell this isn’t going to be much of a show. It’s just clear that the effort isn’t here and it’s showing badly.

Jeff gets knocked off the apron and MNM gets to use some Poetry In Motion for some salt in the wounds. They go a bit too far though with an attempt at a Twist of Fate, allowing Matt to shove Joey into Nitro for a good old fashioned crotching. Jeff gets to come in for a sitout gordbuster on Mercury as the Hardys clear the ring. It’s time to fire off all the dives and the fans are actually interested for a change.

Back inside and Mercury takes the Twist of Fate, only to have Nitro pull him away from the Swanton. MNM starts in on Jeff’s back as the fans go even more insane for the good guys. A double whip sends him into the corner, drawing out another LOUD screech from Melina. Just to prove her worth, Melina flips off the fans like a true ECW woman should. I mean, she’s not actually on the ECW roster but it’s not like that roster was strong enough for a full pay per view anyway.

A backbreaker/slingshot elbow drop gets two on Jeff and we hit the chinlock, meaning it should be time for the comeback. Jeff kicks Mercury outside but he’s smart enough to pull Matt outside to break up another tag. Nitro shows some intelligence of his own by pulling Jeff back to the MNM corner, only to have a Whisper in the Wind take both of them down.

Now it’s the hot tag off to Matt for a wide variety of clotheslines, including one in the corner to really mix things up. The Side Effect gets two on Nitro as everything breaks down. Jeff can’t get a superbomb on Joey as Nitro makes the save, allowing Mercury to counter into a super hurricanrana.

The Hardys hit stereo superplexes but Melina gets on the apron for a distraction, only to get kicked down by Nitro by mistake. The Snapshot (flapjack/DDT combo) gets two on Jeff with Matt making the save, followed by a double cutter off the middle rope to drop Nitro and Mercury at the same time. The Swanton onto both of them at the same time gives Jeff the pin at 22:23.

Rating: B+. Even though the show is probably going downhill from here and the ending was a bit flat, this was a very cool version of the old tag team formula. You just don’t get that kind of wrestling anymore and it’s really fun to see them break it out every now and then. The Hardys would stick around for a bit on a nostalgia tour, including a few more matches against MNM. This would be one of the last big time MNM matches as the team would split soon after this with Mercury being released in March.

Rob Van Dam thinks the ECW World Title is worth the risks of the Elimination Chamber.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

Striker is a former teacher who still wears argyle to the ring, making him one of the biggest heels in the new ECW. Mahoney is an ECW original and looks like a caveman in jean shorts. Before the match, Striker says he’s here to restore order in a violent society so this is going to be an Extreme Rules match.

That would normally mean anything goes but Matt means an extreme enforcement of the rules, meaning no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no maneuvers off the top rope and of course no foul language. The announcers rip on Striker for having his face on his trunks and I can’t help but agree. It’s a great heel tactic though. Mahoney goes for the leg to start but settles for a cross armbreaker to send Striker over to the ropes.

Matt sends him shoulder first into the post and starts in on the arm, making sure to pull the hair behind the referee’s back. We hit the armbar for a bit before Mahoney gets crotched on the top. A Fujiwara Armbar (with Matt shouting TAP) shows more intensity than Striker has ever had about anything but Mahoney gets the rope. It’s comeback time with a side slam and backdrop, followed by a sitout spinebuster for the pin on Striker at 7:22.

Rating: D. So not only are the matches being announced that night, but it seems that the booking is being made up on the fly as well. This should have been the most basic story imaginable with Mahoney beating him in a straight match before Matt cheats to win. Instead we get a clean pin after a few minutes of arm work. As usual it’s not the worst match in the world as the arm work was fine, but this could have been on any given TV show instead of a pay per view.

Sabu has been attacked and is put on a stretcher. The BS chant drowns out the medics and the next theme music.

Elijah Burke/Sylvester Terkay vs. FBI

Burke is better known as D’Angelo Dinero in TNA, Terkay is a big man with an MMA background and the FBI (Full Blooded Italians) are two smaller guys named Guido Maritato and Tony Marinara, both ECW originals. The Italians also have the gorgeous and scantily clad Trinity in their corner. Guido and Burke, in a hat, start things off as Joey tells a drooling Tazz to take a cold shower. Burke is taken to the mat and Guido steals the hat like a true villain, though he’s on the good team here.

It’s off to Terkay to beat Marinara down in the corner and throw Guido over the top onto his partner. Fans: “YOU STILL SUCK!” Guido fights out of Burke’s chinlock but eats running knees in the corner, followed by an STO for two. Another chinlock is broken and the tag brings in Marinara to clean house as the fans are just GONE. The Italians kick out Terkay’s legs but he forearms Tony into the Elijah Experience (the Stroke) for the pin at 6:42.

Rating: F. What am I even supposed to think about this? Burke and Terkay were a nothing team with Terkay being released in about six weeks. The FBI were just another pair of token ECW originals with Guido being nothing more than a jobber and Mamaluke being released on the same day as Terkay. Another bad match here and I’m losing the little faith I have in the show.

Terkay lays Guido out post match.

Sabu is taken away in an ambulance.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari has Great Khali (7’2, 420lbs) in his corner. This is a rematch from a recent episode of ECW where Dreamer beat Daivari by DQ when Khali interfered. An early distraction lets Daivari hammer away, only to be knocked outside. Back in and a suplex drops Daivari but Khali low bridges Tommy to the floor. The referee sees it though and ejects the giant like you might see on any given episode of Raw.

That’s one of the major issues here: the matches don’t feel like something worthy of a pay per view. Like I said, this was originally on TV and the rematch doesn’t feel special in the slightest. Dreamer gets caught in a chinlock as the fans want hardcore. Good point actually as we haven’t had anything besides a regular match so far, again missing the point of ECW. Another chinlock keeps the match going and he puts Daivari in the Tree of Woe for the running dropkick. Dreamer’s DDT is loaded up but Daivari grabs a rollup and tights for the pin at 7:22.

Rating: F+. If there’s a point to this show besides making ECW look like the most worthless show that has ever existed, it’s sailing over my head. It’s a bunch of bad matches (save for the opener, which had four people not on the ECW roster) with no stories and weak TV finishes. Dreamer being on the show made sense but you can’t even put him in a hardcore match to give the fans a little something? Apparently not because that might be entertaining and that’s clearly not the goal here.

Post match Dreamer chases Daivari up the ramp but runs into Khali, who chokeslams him on the stage for something more interesting than almost anything else on the show tonight. Medics check on Tommy, who says he can’t feel his feet.

Paul Heyman has found a replacement for Sabu: Hardcore Holly. The audience audibly groans. Not boos, not yells, not shouts, but groans in pure disappointment. That should not be happening on a wrestling show but can you blame them?

Mike Knox/Kelly Kelly vs. Kevin Thorn/Ariel

Knox is a big guy with a beard and Kelly is his blonde bombshell girlfriend, though she has a thing for CM Punk. She even wishes him luck in the Chamber tonight. Thorn is a vampire enthusiast and Ariel is his…..I guess girlfriend. Again no real story here other than two pairs who had nothing else to do. The guys start things off with the first significant contact coming over a minute in as Kevin gets in some right hands. Knox’s clothesline doesn’t have much effect as Thorn grabs a chinlock. They’re just letting the crowd die here every second the women aren’t in there.

Kevin charges into a boot for two and Knox slowly pounds away before grabbing a front facelock. The hold is driven back into the corner for the tag to Ariel, meaning Kelly has to come in as well. Aries chokes a lot including a boot version in the corner which is nothing more than an excuse for an upskirt shot. It would be even better if Kelly actually sold any of this. Knox walks away instead of tagging in, leaving Kelly to take a choke legsweep for the pin at 7:43.

Rating: F-. Only because this was somehow even worse than the other matches. Kelly was gorgeous and the crowd loved her but she was one of the worst “wrestler” I’ve ever seen. Ariel was trying but if this is the best she has to work with, there’s not much else she can do. Absolutely horrible here with a lame angle to end things.

Post match Ariel keeps choking Kelly until Sandman (ECW legend) comes out for the save.

Bobby Lashley (basically Brock Lesnar minus charisma) isn’t worried about Paul Heyman stacking the deck against him.

We recap the main event, which as usual is basically just a video about the Chamber and people talking about how extreme the match will be.

Here’s Paul Heyman, flanked by his nameless personal security, for a chat. Heyman talks about how Hulkamania will die with Hulk Hogan and the WOOs will die with Ric Flair but thanks to him, ECW will live on forever. That brings him to the Chamber, which Sabu will not be participating in because of his injuries. However, tonight is about the new generation of ECW and not about the old stars like Sabu or the Sandman. Tonight we see the crowning jewel of the ECW Champion the Big Show, the biggest star ECW has ever seen.

The Chamber is lowered.

ECW World Title: Hardcore Holly vs. Test vs. CM Punk vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Lashley vs. Big Show

Show is defending and each pod has a weapon included. They don’t really try to hide the fact that Show, Holly and Test are on the same team here. Holly and Van Dam start things off with a slow pace (fair due to the nature of the match) until they head outside where Van Dam springboards onto the cage wall in a very cool looking spot.

Unfortunately he misses his dive off the cage and clotheslines himself on the top rope, leaving Holly to stand around. Holly goes up top and dives into a raised boot, allowing Van Dam to hit Rolling Thunder over the top and onto the cage floor. A suplex sends Van Dam back inside and Holly gets in his great looking dropkick for two. CM Punk comes in third and smashes Holly with his chair. Van Dam picks the chair up and pelts it at Punk’s head to stop him cold. Punk’s face says something like “Ok that really hurt.”

Van Dam tries his legsweep but Punk hits something like a Fameasser onto the chair to draw some blood. The bloody head is sent into the chair in the corner, only to have Holly swing Punk head first into the cage wall to take over again. Things slow down again until Holly grabs a top rope superplex on Punk with Van Dam coming in for a near fall. Rob superkicks Punk to break up a bulldog on Holly (makes sense in a way) and it’s Test with his crowbar in fourth.

Test goes after Punk and Van Dam but leaves Holly alone to go along with the plan. Van Dam comes back with chair shots to the villains’ heads, followed by a running dropkick to send the chair into Punk’s head as well. The Five Star Frog Splash eliminates Punk at 12:35, taking at least half the air out of the arena as well. Punk was the HEAVY crowd favorite here and having him go out first after getting beaten up more than anything else is another middle finger the crowd after way too much of the same throughout the night.

In an awkward moment, Test turns on Holly with a big boot for two but the referee says it’s a three anyway, putting Holly out at 12:45. Van Dam goes on top of Big Show’s pod but Show reaches through the roof to grab his foot, allowing Test to throw him off for a big crash. An elbow drop off the pod onto the chair onto Van Dam is enough for the elimination at 14:00 and OH MY the crowd is not happy.

I don’t mean they’re booing or anything but they just completely turn on the show (not hard at this point) because we’re down to Lashley, Test and Big Show for the title in the most un-ECW match you can imagine. If there was ANYTHING the fans could still cling to on this show it was the hope that Van Dam or Punk could win the title but instead it’s Punk out first and TEST eliminating Van Dam. Yes Test, the same guy who was nothing for years in WWE and was even released for a while, is the one that gets rid of the most popular guy left in the match.

As if all that wasn’t enough, we have a minute to kill because Test has no one left to fight. Lashley is supposed to come in fifth but Heyman’s security guards don’t let him out of his pod, meaning we have even more waiting around. Lashley finally uses his table to break through the roof of the pod (not that impressive when you remember Big Show did the same thing a few minutes earlier) and kicks Test away to almost no reaction.

Test is sent hard into a pod door as we might as well just have the villains walk out and let Lashley have an even longer celebration. The chair is kicked into Test’s face as the crowd isn’t even bothering reacting to anything. A spear pins Test at 19:42 but for some reason there’s over a minute left on the clock so let’s wait around even more because WWE can’t tell time.

Lashley kills time by dragging the table out of his pod and throwing it at Show’s pod. Show FINALLY gets in with his barbed wire baseball bat but Lashley blocks a bunch of swings with a chair. Another swing gets caught in the cage wall (with Show clearly shoving it further in) and we’re down to a regular fight.

A shot into the cage has Show busted open and Lashley throws him through a pod door. Heyman is panicking as Show tosses Lashley over the top and back inside but the chokeslam is countered into a DDT. Back up and Show misses a charge, setting up a spear to give Lashley the title at 24:40. Show’s total time in the match: three minutes and forty four seconds.

Rating: F-. What else is there even to say about this disaster? Actually there’s a very interesting backstory to this and it explains a lot. At this point, Paul Heyman was helping to write ECW TV and he had a rather different vision of what this should have been. Instead of Lashley winning like this, Heyman was going to put the title on Punk, who would have lasted throughout the entire match and eliminate Big Show early on (to his credit, Big Show was completely on board with the idea and more than ready to put Punk over). This makes even more sense when you consider Show had his title rematch two days later and then left for a year.

On top of that, the match was really pathetic with career midcarders Holly and Test taking up spots instead of putting someone young in there who might get a rub out of the thing. Sabu really would have been perfect here as he excelled in this kind of crazy hardcore environment but instead we had Holly, who wasn’t even a factor in the match. This whole thing was a disaster and a perfect way to end one of the worst major shows ever.

A quick celebration takes us out after less than two hours and fifteen minutes on the air.

Overall Rating: F. You could actually make a case that during the main event, at the moment that Van Dam was pinned, the original ECW was finally buried once and for all. It certainly wasn’t alive and well but it was still something that people wanted to believe in. Van Dam being eliminated, or instead this show as a whole, was the WWE saying no more because we’re doing this our way now.

If you need more proof just look at the rest of this show. Aside from a good opening match (again, between people not on the ECW roster) and the at least somewhat interesting idea of the main event, there was nothing on this show that mattered with four matches in the middle not even advertised with a bunch of people who wouldn’t even be on the roster in about six weeks.

On top of that, this show was one week after Survivor Series 2006 and two weeks before Armageddon 2006, as in the two full fledged WWE pay per views for November and December. This show was designed to be a disaster and the results aren’t shocking as the show only drew 90,000 pay per view buys, the lowest of all time until the WWE Network changed the pay per view model entirely.

One more note on the show itself: this isn’t the wrestlers’ fault. They were stuck in a horrible situation and had to make the best of it. Yeah the wrestling was horrible for the most part but there was no story or reason for having most of the matches. You can only go so far with those limitations and it showed badly here. That’s on the booking though and not the talent itself.

The original ECW died here and that’s really how it seems WWE wanted it that way. Heyman looked at this show and flat out told Vince that it would bomb. He would be promptly sent home and didn’t appear on WWE TV for over five years. Now I certainly get the idea that ECW wasn’t exactly in line with what WWE wanted to do, but the fans who still watched and supported the show didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. It felt like WWE punching the fans in the stomach and then spitting on them so Vince could laugh at ECW, before becoming ECW Champion in April.

This show is on the shortlist for worst show of all time and it’s really hard to come up with something to top it. They knew this was going to be bad and didn’t even deliver a full show (remember that it ran less than two hours and fifteen minutes with a total of match time of an hour and sixteen minutes) to the fans who actually paid to see it. This was an insult to the fans and I feel sorry for people who actually wanted to see this because WWE certainly doesn’t think much of them.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: July 1, 2004
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s very fitting that this is the halfway point of the year because it’s all downhill from here. JBL won the Smackdown World Title on Sunday, leaving us with a barren wasteland to look forward to. Other than that, Undertaker murdered Paul Bearer, which I’m sure will result in an explanation rather than, you know, life in prison for killing a man on television. Let’s get to it.

Just like on Monday, we open with the announcement that WWE has won some marketing awards.

A smug Kurt Angle opens the show and brags about costing Eddie Guerrero the title, even though the replay shows that it wasn’t exactly a questionable call. We see a video on the match and my stomach turns a bit at having to relieve the start of such a nightmare. Angle introduces JBL as the new champion and we jump to the arena.

Cole sounds as depressed as I am about the whole thing, though hearing Cole makes things even worse. The limo is covered in American flags and we get the long form entrance. The one compliment I’ll give JBL: I like the way he held the title with the belt clasped. Just looked cool. He even shakes hands and kisses babies on the way to the ring. There are even more flags on the ring, plus a CONGRATULATIONS JBL banner.

JBL declares it the dawning of a new era (wrestling loves eras) and promises to become the most popular WWE Champion of all time. He’ll shake hands, followed by a good washing of course because the champ can’t get sick. JBL: “It’s not personal. It’s just personal hygiene.” He talks about how JFK and Ronald Reagan were both taken away from us so America needs a hero. If you’d like, you can chant JBL. Those chants will inspire him to be a better champion than Eddie Guerrero, and they make him want to defend the title tonight.

After having to be reminded what city they’re in, it turns out that he gets to pick who gets the title shot. It will NOT be Eddie though, because Eddie has fallen off the wagon a bit. Right now, Eddie is probably knee deep in pills or vodka because he’s not here shaking JBL’s hand and calling him the better man. JBL promises to be a fighting champion to wrap things up. This was what you would have expected from a new gloating champion, but that doesn’t make the fact that JBL is champion any better.

Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T. vs. Rene Dupree

The winner gets a US Title shot at some point in the future. Rob strikes away to start and cleans a bit of the house, including backdropping Dupree to the floor. Another kick and the standing moonsault get two on Booker and the top rope kick to the face is good for the same with Dupree making the save. They’re certainly starting fast here. Dupree punches Rob down but gets kicked down just as fast as Booker was.

Rolling Thunder gets two and of course Booker comes in just in time for the save. It’s kind of amazing how triple threat matches wind up having so many coincidences no? They all stay in for a change with Rene dropping an elbow on Van Dam but Booker’s kick misses Van Dam and puts Dupree down by mistake. With Dupree tied in the ropes, Booker tries to bring in a chair but gets caught in a Van Daminator for his efforts. A big dive to the floor drops Dupree again and we take a break.

Back with Dupree dropping a middle rope elbow on Van Dam and getting annoyed when Booker goes for the cover. Fair enough. That’s the extent of the argument as it’s back to double teaming Van Dam in the corner until Dupree throws him outside. Booker takes a low blow and gets choked a bit until Van Dam comes back in, only to be thrown face first into a chair in the corner.

The spinebuster sends Dupree outside and there’s the Spinarooni for good measure. Van Dam kicks him down though and the Five Star crushes Booker, with Rob writhing around in so much pain that Dupree covers him for two. With Booker on the floor, Dupree gets in some snap jabs until Rob kicks him down again. The Five Star hits Dupree this time but Booker pulls Rob out at two and steals the pin.

Rating: B-. This was much better than I was expecting, even though it was the same formula that you’ve seen a dozen times in these things. Booker winning is the best option as a feud with Cena will only do good for both guys. If nothing else, maybe it can make Booker put in some more effort after some uninspired performances. Dupree vs. Van Dam can be fine for a one off match if that’s where they want to go.

JBL’s opponents are assembled in the locker room whenever he can get around to them.

Luther Reigns makes Charles Robinson watch a clip of the end of Torrie Wilson vs. Sable with the horribly botched ending where Torrie’s shoulders were both up. Robinson is sorry, but tonight he has to referee the rematch. Sweet goodness can’t we just have him tarred and feathered instead?

Cena and Booker yell at each other when JBL comes in. A few others are there and one of them will get a title shot tonight. After teasing various people getting the shot, he picks Spike Dudley, who isn’t in the room. Cena laughs at Bubba and D-Von for this, even though it’s not funny.

We look back at Booker winning the title shot. We’ve had a promo, the match and some backstage segments. That really needed to be shown again? Anyway the title match is next week.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mordecai

Non-title, though that might just be understood. Rey kicks at the leg to start but a drop toehold doesn’t work. Instead he goes with the basement dropkick and Mordecai is in more trouble than he’s been in to date. A lifting full nelson puts Rey in some trouble and Mordecai puts the back of Rey’s head against the post for a good pulling.

Mordecai throws Rey over his back for a choke until Rey slips out and starts kicking even more. No wonder he and Van Dam teamed up so often. A crossbody gives Rey two and the springboard DDT plants Mordecai. The 619 looks to set up the West Coast Pop but Mordecai powerbombs him onto the rope (looked like a botch). The crucifix bomb is countered into a hurricanrana to put Mordecai away.

Rating: D. And that’s it for Mordecai, as he’s going back to OVW. He’s a rather infamous failure and one of those guys who came and went while making a bit of a lasting impression. I never realized how short an amount of time he was around as he only had three televised matches. I know the matches he had were bad, but there’s only so much you can do when your two matches are on pay per view against Scotty 2 Hotty and Hardcore Holly, neither of which had any significant story.

Getting into a bar fight a few weeks before this and having someone get injured in the process didn’t help things either, but they didn’t exactly give him much to work with in the ring. It’s a cool gimmick and he looked awesome, though it was pretty clear that there were a lot of things working against him. Granted, the stuff he did in the ring wasn’t exactly great. What kind of a religious extremist uses chinlocks to purge sin?

The announcers talk about Undertaker turning on Paul Bearer and burying him in concrete to end the Great American Bash. Footage is promised, even though it might not be suitable for all audiences. Who exactly is that suitable for?

Before we get the footage though, here’s Paul Heyman to talk about what Undertaker did. It was Heyman who showed Undertaker the way and apparently that was the right thing, rather than what Heyman told him was the right thing (laying down in the match). Now we see the video, which is just a long recap of the match and post match murder. Back in the arena, Heyman talks about Undertaker no longer has a conscious and will be more deadly than ever.

Lighting comes out of the posts though and Undertaker appears on the screen (likely in an undisclosed location to avoids prosecution). Undertaker calls Bearer his one weakness and points out the obvious: now that Bearer is gone, Heyman is a dead man. For some reason this shocks Heyman, who is WAY smarter than this. What exactly was he expecting to happen here? This is the kind of thing that some crazy, stupid manager would do and that’s not Heyman whatsoever. It’s very out of character for him and thankfully that’s the last straw on this stupid story.

Sable vs. Torrie Wilson

So you have two Playboy cover girls here and the focus is on the referee. Torrie doesn’t wait for the bell so Sable runs outside, only to get thrown back in rather quickly. Sable gets catapulted face first into the buckle and Torrie hits some of the lamest stomps I’ve ever seen. A forearm knocks Torrie off the apron though and Sable starts in with the knees and legs. Choking ensues and Sable yells at Robinson for telling her to break. Torrie’s backslide gets two and a DDT finishes Sable. Robinson wasn’t really a factor.

Rating: D-. I’m not sure if I can call anything with Torrie and Sable involved a failure but this was about as close as you can get. They can’t wrestle, they can’t move around the ring well, they can’t show emotion and they can’t….well pretty much anything positive outside of look good. I get the gist here, but this stuff is really hard to watch.

Actually hang on a second as Kurt Angle pops up on screen to say Robinson needs to learn a lesson. Now take off your shirt.

Charles Robinson vs. Luther Reigns

And never mind as Charlie Haas runs in for the save after about ten seconds. Reigns isn’t happy.

Raw Rebound.

Spike is warming up when the Dudleys come in and think something is up. Bubba says they’ve never gotten an opportunity like this (yes he has) and tonight they’ll help Spike win so they can come get a title shot of their own. Spike turns them down and doesn’t seem happy. I don’t like where this is going.

Here are Kenzo Suzuki and Hiroko so the former can rant in Japanese and laugh evily. This brings out John Cena to say that Suzuki is angry every week but no one understands a thing he’s saying. Cena knows some basic Japanese like sushi and sake, sending him into a story about having a little too much one night. After a Godzilla impression, Cena says he’s here for Suzuki because he’s fluent in Japanese. We see the same Suzuki promo with Cena “translating” into a bunch of jokes about bodily functions and Hiroko’s white face paint. That’s about it actually, with no violence or big punch line.

JBL shakes more hands but finds Eddie Guerrero’s car. Nervous laughter abounds.

Smackdown World Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Spike Dudley

Spike is challenging and the announcers are smartly bringing up the small Mysterio beating the monster Mordecai earlier in the night. JBL powers him around (well duh) to start as the Eddie chants are trying to get going. The slow beating continues and the pro-Eddie chants have morphed into BRADSHAW SUCKS chants. Spike manages to take him down into the corner for some rapid fire stomps but the champ sends him outside in a heap.

A hard forearm to the back sets up a whip into the steps and it’s off to a torture rack. That’s broken up and Spike hammers away in the corner, only to get slammed right back down. The Clothesline From JBL misses and the Dudley Dog gets two, with the fans gasping at some false hope. A spinebuster sets up a pair of Clotheslines From JBL, followed by a powerbomb to retain.

Rating: D-. Well what else were you expecting from JBL vs. Spike Dudley for about eight minutes? This was mostly a squash with the fans gasping at the idea of the title changing hands. I don’t know if that’s just the shock or wanting anyone but JBL to be champion, but it’s not the best sign if this reign is going to last a long time.

Post match Eddie is here and the beatdown is on but JBL rolls away before the frog splash. As the champ leaves, Eddie says enjoy the title while you can, because the rematch is in two weeks inside a cage.

Overall Rating: D. It could have been worse. JBL has started become a bit more bearable as he’s not talking about the same things over and over again every time. Now that he’s finally champion, we can finally get back to some new challengers and not hearing about how he’s claiming his destiny or whatever it is that he babbled about forever.

Other than that the US Title stuff was fine, but the lower midcard acts were some of the weakest they’ve been in a long time. Between that and Undertaker being like “oh, and now I’m a monster again” and Heyman being stunned, there wasn’t much to get excited about this week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: June 17, 2004
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re ten days away from the Great American Bash and the Undertaker has joined Paul Heyman. It makes things a little better, though the Dudleys being there is still slowing things down. If nothing else we had a little hope last week with JBL being over the top and goofy for a change, which could help things out if they stick with it. I mean, they likely won’t, but it was nice for a week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Bradshaw has been fired by CNBC and gets to comment on it tonight. This is the only time CNBC will be mentioned in the history of wrestling shows.

There’s a cement mixer in the arena.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Rico/Charlie Haas

The Dudleys are challenging and there’s no Heyman with them. Haas and D-Von start things off with Charlie taking him to the mat. An early Oklahoma roll gets two but Bubba low bridges him to the floor to put Charlie in trouble. Right hands cut off a sunset flip attempt and Bubba drops his big elbows for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Charlie snaps off a t-bone suplex.

That’s enough for the hot tag and Rico hits a neckbreaker on D-Von. A spear of all things takes Bubba down but there’s no referee. Bubba sends Rico outside though and the champs are in trouble again. There’s a big boot to Charlie and Bubba rams him into Jackie for a bonus. With Charlie checking on her, Bubba rolls Rico up with D-Von holding the feet for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This was the most obvious ending ever and there was no reason to not do it. Rico and Haas aren’t the most thrilling team in the world and it was clear that they were just filling in time until we got to a more serious team. That being said, Heyman kept going on about how the Dudleys needed to do something new. Winning the titles for the 18^th time isn’t new.

Post match Heyman comes out to celebrate with the new champs.

Back from a break and Heyman is alone near the stage to take credit for the Dudleys winning the titles. The fans got to witness that tonight but Paul Bearer didn’t get to. We see a clip from last week with Undertaker joining Heyman so the fans tell Heyman that he sucks. Heyman warns us that one day, Undertaker will be loyal to him due to Heyman’s greatness alone. For now though, Heyman is willing to exploit Undertaker’s weakness because the Big Dog needs to be trained.

Therefore, at the Great American Bash, the Undertaker will be facing the Dudley Boyz. That’s not it though, as the Undertaker will do the right thing there. That brings Heyman to the concrete machine and a casket in front of it. At the Great American Bash, Bearer will be held in a crypt with a cement truck pouring cement in every time Undertaker doesn’t do the right thing.

The cement truck fills the casket as Heyman talks about the crypt being made of three inch thick glass. The cement will begin to fill the crypt but when it gets close to Bearer’s chin, Undertaker will have the chance to do the right thing. Heyman wants to see emotion from Undertaker and if it’s not there, Bearer will be suffocated by the cement. As for tonight, Undertaker will bow down to Heyman.

I haven’t had so many questions since last year with Mr. America. First of all, out of every option Heyman has, BURYING BEARER IN CEMENT is the first one he picks? Did he just watch a bad mob movie where they put someone’s feet in blocks of cement and think it needed to go a lot further? Second, are there no cops watching this show? I’m pretty sure that threatening to put someone in a crypt and bury them in cement is some kind of a crime. Or at least something worth investigating.

Third, is there a reason Cole and Tazz were more upset about the Dudleys winning the titles than THREATENING TO KILL A MAN ON PAY PER VIEW??? Finally, hasn’t Heyman already “trained” Undertaker by getting him to join him? Is this really necessary in the grand scheme of things? I know that’s a minor point by comparison, but I’d love some explanations here.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero to suck up to the Chicago fans and to bring up JBL being fired from CNBC. He watched all week and never saw the show once. It must have been a bad week, but at least JBL had a fun limo ride last week. We see a clip of the limo ride from last week and JBL’s clothes being ruined in the melee. Eddie knows JBL is going to be out here later so come out here right now instead. That brings out the Bashams instead to say Eddie has some unfinished business with the two of them. Therefore, it’s match time.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Doug Basham

They start before the referee even gets in and Eddie scores with a backdrop. The fans are way behind Eddie here, as you had to see coming. Three Amigos hit in a hurry but the referee gets knocked into an interfering Danny. That’s enough for a leg lariat from Doug, followed by a little double teaming. Doug only gets two and it’s off to the chinlock. Three Amigos hit again but Eddie brings Danny in instead of following up. Both of them get taken down out of the corner though, setting up the frog splash to finish Doug in a hurry. Just a short match that showcased Eddie well.

Post match Eddie beats Danny up for fun.

John Cena goes in to see Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns but they can’t see him. Tonight, Cena has to team with Rob Van Dam against Rene Dupree and Booker T. before the match at the Great American Bash. As a bonus, that match will now be an elimination match. Doesn’t that make it a little easier for Cena to retain? Cena makes jokes about Angle not being able to walk and puts a hat on Angle without touching him.

And now, a battle rap between Funaki and Josh Matthews. I think Funaki wins but Angle and Reigns come in to say Funaki thinks he’s Cena. Therefore, Funaki has a match with Reigns tonight.

Spike Dudley vs. Kenzo Suzuki

Kenzo sends him hard into the corner and drops Spike with a shot to the throat. A kick to the chest sets up that spin from Suzuki and it’s off to an armbar. Spike’s comeback consists of the running headbutt to the ribs, only to get cut off with a Tongan Deathgrip. The claw legsweep gives Kenzo the win. He’s still not working.

Here’s JBL with a bullrope to talk about his bad week. He was fired from CNBC and Eddie wrecked his limo. Even though Ronald Reagan passed away last week, the media just wanted to talk about him. The media and Americans are what’s wrong with America because he was the one that stuffed you in the locker in high school. He’s better than these people because he has a backbone.

Even though the world is against him he won’t back up or cower away because he’ll be successful again. This turns into a rant about JBL going to Afghanistan and visiting the troops. Then a solider died but everyone was talking about Sean Penn being a guest of Saddam Hussein. JBL: “Calling me anything but a great American is like calling Mother Teresa a prostitute.” CNBC found out that he’s a wrestler and has a big mouth, which is absolutely true.

Freedom of speech is great until you speak, which is proof that the people are lazy and complacent because they don’t have the guts to speak up. JBL yells at the fans a lot before moving on to Eddie and the bullrope match. Blood will flow because Eddie is what JBL hates about America. He’ll destroy Eddie no matter what and he doesn’t care if he angers CNBC or the liberal media. No one can stop him from becoming WWE Champion. Eddie FINALLY runs in and clears the ring with ease.

This went on FOREVER and was the same old JBL: long winded, boring, ranting about the same stuff over and over and leaving people so numb that they fall asleep with the show on. Last week was fun but this was right back to what makes JBL feel like the worst heel in years. It was bragging about how American he is and how much money he has and that’s not interesting, no matter how many times he says the same things over and over.

In case you were wondering, JBL got fired from CNBC for goose stepping and doing Nazi salutes at a show in Germany. He’s said that it was his character doing this and not him, which I can go with, but dude, anytime Nazis are involved, it’s not going to go over well, no matter the circumstances.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Classic

Classic is defending and has his son with him. Rey actually gets taken down to start and a moonsault press of all things gives Classic two. A headscissors takes Classic down though and there’s the springboard seated senton. Rey knocks Jr. off the apron and the 619 sets up Dropping the Dime for the pin and the title in less than two minutes. The joke was long past its expiration date so this was the right call. There was no need to wait for the Bash to change the title and I’m still not sure what the point was in having Classic win the thing in the first place. At least the reign didn’t last long.

Mordecai, surrounded by candles and torches, sees a locker room full of sinners. None of them are worthy of mercy and they will all feel his wrath. One of them is the worst of them all because he lies, cheats and steals.

Luther Reigns vs. Funaki

Reigns is jacked and hammers Funaki down with no trouble. A comeback goes nowhere and it’s a spinebuster into a sitout powerslam for the pin to put Funaki away.

Post match Reigns says that’s what happens when you disrespect Angle. Kurt isn’t happy though so Reigns adds a swinging neckbreaker.

Raw Rebound.

The announcers recap the show so far.

Great American Bash rundown, including the Live Free or Die handicap match with undertaker and the Dudleys. Again, do cops just not watch this show???

Here’s Torrie Wilson as a sexy Uncle Sam, implying women in various stages of undress at the Bash. She lights a fire on a grill because it’s going to be hot.

Booker T. says he should be getting a singles match for the US Title at the Bash because the judge might have been French last week. Rene Dupree comes in to say Booker is just making excuses like an American. Booker doesn’t want to hear about a non-American becoming US Champion, so Rene threatens him with a French Tickling.

Rob Van Dam/John Cena vs. Booker T./Rene Dupree

Cena and Van Dam get in each others faces thanks to Rob punching him last week. Dupree and Cena start things off with Renee trying a leapfrog and getting punched in the face. It’s off to Rob for a sunset flip and a spinning kick to the face, followed by the top rope kick to the face for two. Booker makes the save so Rene shoves him, only to get rolled up for two more.

Another argument lets Van Dam kick them both into the announcers’ table as we take a break. Back with Van Dam kicking Rene down again as this is one sided so far. Booker finally gets in a shot to the back to break up Rolling Thunder and comes in with an elbow to the face. There’s the knee to the chest and Rene comes back in for the French Tickler.

That’s enough to set up the chinlock from Booker but Rob fights up without too much effort. It’s off to Cena for the first time and everything breaks down. Booker and Dupree are sent outside so we get the Cena vs. Van Dam showdown, which turns into a slugout. Everyone gets in for the fight….and there’s the gong. Undertaker appears in the ring and we’ll call that a no contest.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and was more of an angle than a match. The brawl between Cena and Van Dam makes sense after last week and I like the idea of them following up on the punch instead of just ignoring it because they’re a team here. The ending was annoying, but well done on keeping them from having one of the four lose a fall before the title match.

Undertaker beats up Van Dam with a chokeslam, followed by the Tombstone to Cena. Heyman comes out with the Urn and Undertaker takes the knee to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was a very strange episode as there was barely any wrestling with two matches being long enough to rate and three squashes in the middle. The storyline stuff ranges from necessary (Rey and the Dudleys winning titles) to WHAT THE HECK (Heyman’s big speech and the whole concrete idea). That’s quite a ride in two hours but when you add in that never ending JBL speech and stuff like Mordecai and Kenzo Suzuki, the bad heavily outweighs the good. It’s definitely not the worst show, but they’re going in a very questionable direction with their top stories.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: June 10, 2004
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re getting closer and closer to the Great American Bash and this week is all about the Undertaker possibly joining forces with Paul Heyman and the Dudley Boyz for the sake of saving Paul Bearer. That just screams bad idea due to some of the people involved (hint: their names are Bubba and D-Von) but maybe the others can save things. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Bearer being kidnapped and Heyman’s proposition. This is somehow better than JBL’s radio show discussions.

Opening sequence.

Kurt Angle is in the ring to open the show. He used to come here to Long Island when he was WWE Champion and people booed him out of the building. It didn’t matter though because Angle knew he was better than everyone. The fans start a pretty fast paced YOU SUCK chant until Angle says he can never wrestle again. We see a clip of last week’s brawl between Booker T. and John Cena, which saw Angle get knocked over by Cena and hit in the knee by Booker’s chair shot.

Angle wants an apology so here’s Booker to say it was all Cena’s fault. He couldn’t sleep for three days after he hit Angle, so now he’ll apologize five times. Angle accepts it and excuses him but now it’s Cena’s turn. The rap is cut off by a raving Angle (always entertaining) but Cena says he didn’t mean to hit Angle last week, because Angle would still be in the hospital if he tried to.

Angle has talked to the board of directors and Cena is now on probation, meaning he’s stripped of the US Title on the spot if he lays a hand on Angle again. For tonight though, Cena needs to apologize for who he is. That’s not happening because Cena isn’t changing a thing and if Angle doesn’t like it, he can wheel himself out of here. Besides, they’re even. Cena can’t touch him but Angle can’t see him. That’s enough for Cena but Angle says Cena has three matches tonight. Each one will be five minutes long and the first man to beat him gets a US Title shot at the Great American Bash. I’ve heard worse ideas….I think?

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Suzuki is carried to the ring on a throne with a woman walking behind him. The announcers talk about Suzuki wanting vengeance, though they’re not sure what the vengeance is for actually. My guess is for Scotty’s dancing. Suzuki goes after the arm to start and chops at the neck, with a big one putting Scotty down in the corner. A kick to the face drops Scotty again and Kenzo starts spinning around for some reason. Scotty scores with a superkick but a claw STO finishes him off in a hurry. Based on this match, Suzuki has an awesome future. Provided he can build a time machine and go back to a territory in 1984.

Angle talks to Cena’s opponents for tonight (Booker T., Rob Van Dam and Rene Dupree) so they can draw straws to determine an order, but that has to be behind closed doors.

Earlier today, JBL went to a salon and made fun of the immigrants who took care of him. It’s far too late, but this is the kind of thing he should have been doing from the beginning: going over the top and taking advantage of the people he constantly insults to show what a hypocrite he is. That’s the kind of person you want to see take a beating, not a guy droning on about a radio show and a stock portfolio.

JBL arrives at the arena, decides this place isn’t worth his time, and leaves. The driver won’t listen to him though, mainly because the driver is Eddie. So was Eddie driving all day or did he switch places in the fifteen seconds JBL was outside of the car and looking forward the whole time? Either way, JBL can’t operate a door so Eddie drives off, hitting some trash on the way.

Earlier today, the Dudleys and Heyman drank to celebrate what they did. Heyman says not so fast, because Paul Bearer was the only person Undertaker would go to for advice. Now they control Bearer, who controls the Undertaker. Heyman is going to the arena alone tonight so they tell him to be careful.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo Classic, with his ladies, is on commentary. Rey wristdrags him to start and Chavo isn’t sure what to do. Chavo gets in a dropkick though and it’s already time to choke on the rope. That’s not the best idea though as Rey sends him through those ropes for a big dive off the top. Back from a break with Chavo dropkick Rey out of the air and Classic turning into the biggest cheerleader ever, though he does think he could do it better than Jr. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back for a bit before Chavo puts him on top.

That earns him an elbow to the face and a moonsault press for two. A kick to the face has Rey right back down and Tazz starts singing Beatles songs and talking about Fantasy Island. The springboard seated senton gives Rey two and a spinning armdrag has Chavo in….and never mind the trouble as he Alley Oops Rey to drop him again. Chavo’s Gory Bomb (Classic: “My dad invented this move!”) is broken up and there’s the 619, followed by some failed interference from Classic. Rey grabs a hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: C-. Ok it’s time to get the title on Rey again. The Classic stuff was funny for a little while (his commentary is still great) but having him holding the title has already run its limited course. Either put it on Jr. or give it back to Rey, because they really need to restore some credibility to the title after the last few weeks.

Jr. is furious with his dad.

Raw Rebound.

As the parking lot is being cleaned up, Eddie drives the (now smoking and mostly destroyed) limo back in. He switches to reverse and backs into another car, knocking what looks like a bunch of crash pads onto it.

Back from a break and Eddie drives the ruined limo (only one horn left and a headlight hanging off) into the arena. He opens the back door but Bradshaw has passed out with the food and drinks all over him. Eddie gets in the ring and makes some jokes as Bradshaw is waking up and stumbles out of the limo. After putting on the hat, he sees the damage and panics. Again: much more entertaining because it’s not just JBL talking about the same thing he’s talked about for weeks.

Video on the European tour.

The following three matches are all non-title with five minute time limits and whoever beats Cena first gets a US Title shot at the Great American Bash. That’s actually unique for a change.

John Cena vs. Booker T.

Kurt Angle is out to watch. Booker slams him down to start but Cena comes out of the corner with a running clothesline. A hot shot and the superkick give Booker two, followed by a kick to the face for two more. We hit the chinlock, which Tazz calls good strategy after talking about how little time he has left. Cena fights up but gets knocked right back down with the side kick. Booker takes his sweet time though and Cena blasts him with a clothesline. A slow motion ax kick misses as time expires.

Rating: D. That’s on a bit of a sliding scale as you can only do so much with a match designed to go to a short time limit. Booker wasn’t even acting urgently here and it made you wonder what he was thinking. He knew the idea of the match (the big clock on the screen probably gave him an idea) but he was walking around rather slowly and not really going for it. That doesn’t make sense.

John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam

Joined in progress after the break (Nine seconds after the break. What’s the point?) with Van Dam spinning around and getting two off a spinning kick to the face. Cena clotheslines him out of the air for two of his own and hits a running forearm to the back (kind of an odd move). A running knee to the ribs and a suplex give Cena two but Van Dam scores with the stepover kick. The split legged moonsault connects for two more but Booker crotches Rob to break up the Five Star. Angle ejects Booker from ringside so Rob breaks up a superplex attempt and kicks Cena in the face. There’s the Five Star, but time expires again.

Rating: C-. Better match but still not good, though having Booker interfere made Van Dam look a little bit better. It’s a bit of a stretch for Rob to not be able to beat a tired Cena so the interference worked well here. It could also set up a Van Dam vs. Booker match, which could help out the pay per view card quite a bit.

John Cena vs. Rene Dupree

Cena is spent but takes him down for some right hands anyway. Dupree punches him right back though and drops an elbow for two. The abdominal stretch goes on for a bit until Cena hiptosses his way out. A sunset flip dives Cena two but Dupree tries a powerslam and…I guess forgets to rotate as Cena almost lands on his face. Cena, holding his hip, comes back with the shoulders and the Shuffle for two but the FU is countered into a spinebuster. That’s only a delayed near fall and a powerbomb is blocked as time expires.

Dupree asks for five more minutes so Angle says go ahead. A belly to belly plants Cena and Dupree hits the French Tickler….but walks into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well it wasn’t exactly great and the bonus stuff just made Dupree look even weaker than he has in recent weeks. Dupree still knows how to get booed and that’s going to be worth something but Cena is on a different level right now and isn’t about to lose to him. It wasn’t a good match or anything, but at least Dupree lasted the five minutes.

Post match Angle says Cena didn’t win in the five minutes so it didn’t count. Booker runs back in and beats Cena down with Van Dam making the save. Angle says Cena didn’t win anything in the challenge so he’ll defend against all three of them at the Bash. Cena and Van Dam have some words and Rob kicks him in the head.

Long recap of the Heyman/Dudleys/Undertaker story.

Here’s Paul Heyman with a bag over his shoulder. He wants to make sure the cameras are recording because this is where everything begins. Tonight is the night when the most powerful force in wrestling joins forces with the most creative man in wrestling. So Undertaker needs to come out here with an answer….and there’s the gong. Undertaker slowly comes to the ring and Heyman pulls the Urn out of the bag. He holds it up and Undertaker stares at it before taking the knee to end the show with Tazz and Cole panicking.

Overall Rating: D. The Cena stuff was a fine idea that didn’t work great in practicality, the Eddie/JBL stuff was an improvement but that’s not exactly a huge step up, and Kenzo Suzuki debuted. What exactly is there that was a good thing on this show? Somehow, it’s Chavo Classic, who was entertaining on commentary and part of the only story that didn’t have me checking the time to see how much longer was left. The show is getting slightly better, but it’s still one of the worst times the show has ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

For those of you who have read my old reviews of this show, you might remember that the main event has sent me into various rantings and ravings over the years. It might have ticked me off more than any match ever at one point, though it’s since been topped multiple times. I’m kind of curious to see how I react to it this time around so let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on Big Show vs. Lesnar, which is built around the idea that Lesnar is banged up and can’t throw Big Show around like he can with everyone else. The Elimination Chamber actually takes second billing here.

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Elimination tables match and that would still be Bubba and Spike. The villains are quickly sent outside with Spike being thrown at the Samoans. He’s easily caught and 3 Minute Warning is nice enough to stand there while Bubba drops down for Poetry in Motion from Jeff. Back in and Jamal takes a hurricanrana out of the corner, followed by Jeff playing D-Von in What’s Up.

The first table is set up in the corner and Jeff is backdropped over the top for one heck of a crash. Rosey drives himself through a table (not an elimination) but stands up, allowing Jeff to hit a high crossbody….which just bounces off the big man. The Dudley Dog is countered and Spike is tossed through a table for the first elimination. Bubba and Jeff fight back but can’t get around the monsters.

Rosey takes Jeff outside and loads up a table but Bubba makes the save. A few forearms to the back allow Jeff to climb onto an exit tunnel for the Swanton to get rid of Rosey. Back in and Rico loads Bubba onto a table before setting up a moonsault. In a fairly infamous moment, there’s no Jeff to make the save so Rico stands there for about ten seconds and even Bubba can be seen looking around for Jeff. Rico very clearly shouts “COME ON JEFF” before Hardy crotches him for the save.

Jamal moves the table so Rico only has to take a regular belly to back superplex. That’s so much better you see. Jeff takes Jamal to the floor and tries to run the barricade (as in he climbs onto it and then runs instead of a running jump and then running across) but falls anyway, sending himself head first through a table. That would be twice in a week that he’s blown that spot and for some reason I don’t picture him being punished anytime soon. Thankfully Jamal hits one heck of a top rope splash to put Jeff through a table to get us down to 2-1.

Ever the genius, Jamal tries a hurricanrana with a table right behind him. After the most obvious powerbomb this side of an Undertaker match, we’re down to Bubba vs. Rico. 3 Minute Warning comes back in to beat on Bubba but D-Von comes out to FINALLY reunite with his brother to one heck of a reaction. A quick 3D puts Rico through a table for the win.

Rating: C+. They really didn’t have another option here as the Dudleys belong together. It would take about twelve years before Bubba was able to strike out on his own and even that only kind of worked. The tag division is dying for some better talent and while not the freshest thing in the world, the Dudleys are certainly better than most other options.

The rest of the match was entertaining but my goodness Jeff was embarrassing out there. He can barely do any of his signature stuff without messing something up anymore and yet he’s still out there every single week doing the same spots over and over. Get him some help already before this becomes an even bigger problem than it already is.

Stacy Keibler introduces Saliva to perform Always live at the World. At least we get some highlights for the show as a bonus.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Kidman is challenging after defeating Noble twice in the last two weeks. Noble tries a rollup for the fast pin before stomping Kidman down to really take over. A neckbreaker sets up a bow and arrow as Nidia is her usual VERY excited self. Jamie dives into a dropkick as the announcers talk about the tables match. A Hoshi Geroshi (or however you spell the fireman’s carry into a backbreaker) gets two on the champ, followed by a good looking placha to the floor.

Back in and Noble reverses a backslide into the tiger bomb for two but makes the mistake of putting Kidman on the top. A good looking super DDT plants Noble but since DDTs mean nothing, Jamie is right back up for a hanging DDT off the top for his own near fall. An enziguri drops Noble again and, after a failed Nidia distraction, the shooting star gives us a new champion.

Rating: C+. Some selling issues aside, this was a good, back and forth match with both guys looking strong. The problem is the division has fallen into the same pattern it always has: the champion and one challenger comprise the entire thing and that doesn’t exactly have staying power. The match was good though and Kidman winning the title is fine.

Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit get into it again but Angle insists that they’re amigos. Another long form hug ensues.

Victoria is getting ready but apparently her mirror thinks Trish Stratus is prettier.

We recap Victoria vs. Trish. Victoria claims that Trish slept her way into a job after WWE wanted to sign both of them. Now Victoria is here to get revenge on her former friend. The music sounds like the shower scene from Psycho for a nice touch.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Trish is defending and this is a hardcore match. Victoria wastes no time and puller her down by the coat before grabbing a broom. JR asks if she’s going to fly it and suggests Victoria is un-Divaesque. That’s probably an unintentional compliment. A trashcan lid gets knocked into the champ’s face and Victoria sends her into the steps. Victoria sets up a trashcan in the corner (with the hole facing the ring), only to have Trish catapult her hands first into said can (that looked horrible and no camera edit was going to save it).

A kick to the head gives Trish two and one heck of a trashcan lid shot knocks Victoria (and her bloody nose) to the floor. The Chick Kick gets two and a HORRIBLE bulldog out of the corner (Victoria’s head hit Trish’s ribs) is good for the same. Victoria blinds her with a fire extinguisher though and a snap suplex of all things gives us a new champion.

Rating: B-. Botches aside, this is a situation where the energy carries the match. They were beating the heck out of each other and you could feel the intensity. The botches and the ending really hold it down but it’s still one of the best women’s matches you’ll see around this time. I know there are still some major issues with the women of this era but this was miles ahead of most things you would see from them at this time.

Eric Bischoff is bragging about the Chamber when Big Show comes up. He’s going to prove Eric wrong for trading him.

Paul Heyman is nervous but says Brock needs to put it all behind him. Tonight they’re in MSG and Heyman is going to do whatever it takes to make sure his client leaves as champion.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and the fans are entirely behind him. Brock gets right in his face but gets tossed into the corner. That earns show a double leg takedown and there’s a belly to back suplex on Show. A German suplex follows and Heyman looks nervous. The ref gets bumped but Lesnar belly to bellies Show anyway. Heyman slides in a chair and Brock cracks Show in the head with it, setting up the F5. Another referee comes down but Heyman pulls him out at two. Reality sets in as the chase is on but Show chairs Lesnar in the bad ribs. A chokeslam onto the chair gives Lesnar his first pinfall loss.

Rating: C-. They did everything they could here and thankfully it was really short. Aside from the obvious, I still have a major problem with the story: why did Heyman go through with the screwjob? Lesnar proved him wrong by suplexing and F5ing Big Show but Heyman turned on him anyway. Wouldn’t it make more sense to stick with the more dominant force when you still have Lesnar to protect you? I’d assume it’s because of Heyman and Lesnar’s issues but Heyman has been able to talk Lesnar down before. It’s far from the worst stretch ever but I’m still not sure it makes the most sense.

Heyman and Show run to the parking lot and drive away.

We recap the Smackdown Tag Team Title match. All three teams have traded the titles for over a month now with one classic match after another. The only possible option was a triple threat match and Stephanie McMahon has made it an elimination match for even more fun. This is the real Smackdown main event and they’ve certainly earned that honor with everything they’ve done so far.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Edge and Mysterio are defending and Angle/Benoit still can’t get along. Benoit and Mysterio start things off with Chris going head first into the buckle. Edge, in some shiny tights, comes in to drop Angle with a forearm. It’s back to Rey for a springboard splash on Chavo as they’re tagging very quickly here. Eddie comes in to a very noticeable pop and keeps Rey in trouble with some forearms to the back.

The fast tags continue as Angle comes in and goes shoulder first into the post. He’s still able to knock Rey off the top though and the champs stay in trouble. Benoit stays on Mysterio with some rapid fire suplexes as Los Guerreros are (wisely) content with staying on the floor. The Angle Slam doesn’t work so Kurt clotheslines Rey’s head off for two instead. We hit a long front facelock until Rey fights up for a spinwheel kick to the jaw. That’s enough for the hot tag to Edge as everything breaks down.

Rey hurricanranas Eddie to the floor, leaving Edge to get caught in an ankle lock/Crossface combination. Somehow he doesn’t tap out immediately so it’s Rey making the save, followed by a running corkscrew dive onto Chavo and Angle. Benoit grabs the German suplex on Edge, only to have Eddie come in off the top with a sunset flip to send both guys flying. Everyone gets up so Benoit sends Eddie outside, followed by the rolling German suplexes on Edge. Those things always look great.

Eddie gives Edge the frog splash but Benoit breaks it up with a Swan Dive for no apparent reason. Angle comes back in with the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge, only to have Chavo save Edge with the title. Kurt picks up the title so Benoit thinks it was him, leaving Edge to spear Benoit for the first elimination. That leaves us with two but Benoit and Angle wreck everyone before heading to the back. What poor sportsmanship.

We settle down to Eddie grabbing a sleeper on Edge, followed by a front facelock in case that’s too intense for you. Edge flapjacks both Guerreros and brings Rey back in as this isn’t exactly the break neck pace you would expect. Everything breaks down again and the pop up hurricanrana gets two on Eddie. That would look to set up the West Coast Pop but Chavo gets in a belt shot, knocking Rey into the Lasso From El Paso for the submission and the titles.

Rating: B. This wasn’t as good as I remember but I think that’s because I just recently watched all the TV matches, which were almost all better. This had too much to live up to and there’s only so much you can do when you’re asked to go out and have a masterpiece. The belt shots didn’t do much to help either as they’re hardly anything interesting and you expect more from these guys.

It’s still a good match and the best thing on the show by far though and it deserves a bit more than just criticism. Some of the sequences were excellent and showed some creativity, along with Benoit and Angle suplexing everything in sight. If this was one of the matches that took place on TV, it would be considered a classic. Some more time would have helped as well.

Here’s Christopher Nowinski to say he’s smarter than the rest of the crowd. After some lame New York Yankees jokes, Matt Hardy (who keeps the temperature at a toasty 75 degrees and only drinks low fat chocolate milk) comes out to say this place is sucking the Mattitude out of him. The payoff is Scott Steiner, who shows up and destroys both guys because we haven’t seen Matt get beaten up recently.

Shawn Michaels is ready to talk about why he believes he can win but RNN BREAKING NEWS tells us that Randy came here to watch. Luckily a sexy flight attendant gave him an extra pillow so there was no further damage to his shoulder.

Long video on the Elimination Chamber which doesn’t really tell us anything. Granted that’s because there isn’t a story here. Basically Bischoff wanted to top Stephanie’s pay per view and invented the Chamber. They’ve made no secret of the fact that this is ALL about HHH vs. Shawn Michaels.

HHH says he’s gone through everyone so he’ll go through everyone tonight too.

Bischoff comes out to walk through the Chamber and explain the rules. This time really couldn’t have gone to the Tag Team Title match? Just put it on a graphic or something…..which they do while Bischoff is still talking.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T. vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Rob Van Dam

HHH is defending. Saliva, at the World, plays Jericho’s music for a cool bit. As the entrances go on forever, it occurs to me how much Shawn’s hair looks like AJ Styles’ soccer mom look. HHH and Van Dam start things off with Rob going straight to the kicks. A backdrop puts HHH onto the steel floor and he hits the cage wall three times in a row. The champ is busted open and Van Dam monkey flips him onto the cage again.

Rolling Thunder over the top makes things even worse as it’s all Van Dam so far. Rob climbs up on top of Jericho’s chamber and gets his legs pulled down into it. Somehow that’s still not enough for HHH to do anything as Rob flips down onto HHH. See? He’s giving Van Dam a rub right now!

Jericho is in third but gets kicked down almost immediately as Rob stays on a roll. In your first ever Chamber highlight reel moment, Jericho catapults Van Dam at the cage wall and Rob just hangs onto it instead of crashing. HHH gets back up and knees Van Dam in the head, meaning it’s time for the double teaming to begin. Rob kicks them both down again and it’s Booker T in fourth to even things up, despite Van Dam doing just fine on his own.

Jericho and HHH are sent to the floor so we can get a Spinarooni, followed by a slugout with Van Dam. The good guys clean house again and it’s HHH getting knocked down, allowing Rob to climb an individual chamber. That means a Five Star, with his knee going right into HHH’s throat which put him out of action for a few weeks. Van Dam seems to have hurt his knee as well, allowing Booker to eliminate him with a missile dropkick. HHH can barely move so here’s Kane to get us back to four.

Jericho is launched through the bulletproof (yes bulletproof) glass to draw some more blood. Chris is fine enough to hit Booker low, followed by a chokeslam and the Lionsault to get rid of Booker. Now that the two guys who have been more over than the entire roster for the last three months are gone, let’s get on with the REAL entertainment.

Jericho and Kane slowly fight until HHH is slammed off the top. Shawn, looking like he’s wrestled one match in four and a half years and in hideous brown tights for some reason, comes in and gets to clean house for a bit. Kane chokeslams everyone but eats a superkick, Pedigree and Lionsault to get us down to three. Jericho and HHH team up on Shawn with HHH rubbing his head against the steel to bust Shawn open. A ram into the wall gives Shawn an opening and he forearms HHH, only to get bulldogged down.

The Lionsault gets two and Jericho is so frustrated that he gets caught in the Walls. HHH makes the save with a DDT but gets in a fight with Jericho over who can pin Shawn. Jericho grabs the Walls on HHH but gets superkicked for the elimination. As anyone paying attention expected, we’re down to HHH vs. Shawn with a spinebuster going straight for the bad back.

Shawn gets thrown through the glass as we really crank up the emotions. The slow beating continues with Shawn being thrown outside again, only to catapult HHH into the wall. Shawn’s top rope elbow gets no cover and HHH grabs the Pedigree for a delayed two. Another Pedigree attempt is countered and Sweet Chin Music gives Shawn the pin and the title.

Rating: B. I’m still not sure what to think of this match. Above all else, it’s long, far longer than it needed to be. The Chamber itself did help and was interesting to see but they need to tweak things a bit (lower the time to four minutes or so). It’s still good but there’s the other problem that it’s kind of hard to overcome: the whole thing felt like a big waste of time until we got to the ending.

That ending of course is Shawn vs. HHH and they might as well have just put up a big clock counting down until we got there. No one else mattered in this match and WWE did nothing to hide it. That makes for an ending similar to Wrestlemania XXXII with Roman Reigns vs. HHH: there’s no drama and it makes for a boring match because you’re just waiting to get to the part that matters.

While I still have issues about guys like Booker, Kane, Van Dam and Jericho being treated as second class citizens so HHH and Shawn can do it one more time (as in the second one more time), it’s not as bad as it once was. After watching the TV shows building up to this, it’s not like this was exactly shocking and the four of them were hardly made to look like real threats to take the title. That doesn’t make it any better but it does make things a bit easier to take.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is pretty much all over the place with good action (there really isn’t a bad match on the card) but sweet goodness some of the choices make your head spin. We really are watching a show in 2002 where Big Show and Shawn Michaels walked out with the World Titles. On top of that we had a less than mind blowing Tag Team Title match which was probably the highlight.

The big problem is that aside from the Chamber itself debuting, there really isn’t anything on here that feels big. Big Show winning was more groan inducing than anything else and Shawn winning felt like we were seeing the inevitable, though the celebration felt big. There’s nothing on here that’s going to really stick with you and that’s not good as the show is worth seeing for the action alone. Overall it’s good but really not remarkable, which is kind of an odd way to compliment a show.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

2012 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: C+

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

2012 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B-

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

2012 Redo: B+

2017 Redo: B

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2012 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: C+

I must have been in a REALLY bad mood when I watched the main event for the second time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

And the 2012 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/11/10/survivor-series-count-up-2002/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6