Monday Night Raw
Date: October 14, 2002
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’m going to get straight to the point on this one: we’re in the Katie Vick era. No Mercy is in six days and the big story is HHH claiming that Kane killed someone named Katie Vick ten years ago. Now if you know your wrestling history, you know what we’re coming up on in the next few weeks and you know how bad this is going to be. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick look at the end of last week’s show.

Kane yells at Coach for asking about what HHH said last week.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Hurricane/Kane vs. Christian/Chris Jericho

Kane and Hurricane are defending. Hang on a sec though as Booker T. runs out to jump Jericho before we get going. That means Christian has to take a Shining Wizard from Hurricane for an early two while Jericho is stuck on the floor. Jericho finally gets it together but Hurricane hits a big flip dive onto both Canadians.

Kane comes in for some power, including a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for two on Christian. Things finally go the challengers’ way after Jericho low bridges Hurricane to the floor and the double teaming begins. As this goes on, JR says he’s not going to believe that Kane is a murderer. There’s one of those lines that doesn’t sound good out of context and sounds very stupid in context. Hurricane gets in a Blockbuster and makes the hot tag to Kane for the top rope clothesline.

Christian tries to bring in a belt but settles for a low blow. A missile dropkick gives Jericho two as JR thinks it would be an upset if we have new champions. Kane Rocket Launches Hurricane onto Jericho for two before chasing Christian up the ramp. Back in the ring, Jericho reverses the chokeslam into the Walls, which is reversed into a rollup. Chris reverses that too though and throws his feet on the ropes for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C-. Not a terrible match but it goes to show you how annoying transitional reigns can be a lot of the time. Kane and Hurricane could have been any two guys (Bubba and Spike would have made sense if they want Bubba to be a big deal) but instead they merged the tag team and singles champions into one story for no apparent reason. At least it’s over though.

Post break Booker yells at Jericho so a Tag Team Title match is made for Sunday because Bischoff has to keep even with Stephanie.

Al Snow vs. Lance Storm

Snow’s music asks what everybody needs. Maybe someone else getting this spot? William Regal is on commentary to talk about wearing women’s clothes last week, which apparently didn’t fit. Storm throws some right hands to start but springboards into a powerslam. That sounds like a perfect time to show another shot of Regal as a showgirl, which sends him off commentary and down to the ring.

Snow’s trapping headbutts have Storm in trouble as we hear about Tough Enough III debuting soon, which explains Snow being on TV lately. Al slips to the floor and decks Regal but has his crossbody rolled through for two. Regal gets in a cheap shot and slides Storm the knuckles but Snow knocks them away. Not that it matters as Storm gets in the superkick for the pin.

Rating: D-. I’m so glad that we got a Tough Enough commercial while we watched Al Snow eat up TV time. Snow is talented but outside of him being insane or doing his hardcore stuff, is there really any reason to be interested in him? I have no idea why this mini feud is preferred over just saying Tough Enough is coming and talking about the show but they have bigger issues in the Katie Vick era.

Victoria suggests that Trish slept her way into a job so Trish comes up and slaps her in the face.

Jeff Hardy and Spike Dudley are in the back when Rob Van Dam comes up to talk about last week’s match. Bubba has a severe concussion and doesn’t remember the match (apparently he kept talking to Jericho during the match and barely had a clue what he was doing). Bischoff pops in and shows them a video of last week’s match. Eric makes Jeff vs. Rico and sends Spike off before giving Van Dam a match at No Mercy with Ric Flair. As for tonight, Rob has a Canadian lumberjack match (as in the lumberjacks will have straps) against HHH.

HHH doesn’t know what a Canadian lumberjack match is before explaining what a Canadian lumberjack match is. After that lack of thinking, HHH and Flair collude about Kane with HHH deciding to tell the world the whole story if Kane doesn’t confess.

Jeff Hardy vs. Rico

Rico gets in some cheap shots to start but Jeff takes him to the floor and stomps away. There seems to be some kind of an incident near ringside (though it might just be people going to the concession stands) as Rico scores with some kicks to the head for two before grabbing a bodyscissors. The announcers talk about anything else they can think of (Kane’s potential murderer status and Bubba’s concussion) until Jeff gets two off the Whisper in the Wind. Rico gets dropkicked out of the air and the Swanton is enough for the pin.

Rating: D. So that happened. They had a match, Jeff won when you would expect him to and….that’s about it. This was nothing but filler and you can tell the announcers weren’t interested either. Rico is fine for a low level heel but Jeff has been the same person since his singles run started faltering, which was pretty much the day it started.

Kane is mad and tells Hurricane to leave him alone. Terri of all people comes up to talk him through it because he has no chance against HHH in this frame of mind. Basically he needs to tell everyone what happened and everything will be fine. I’m not sure if that’s how it works.

Post break Kane is in the ring to talk about how Katie Vick’s death was an accident, meaning he is NOT a murderer. He and Katie were friends about ten years ago when he started wrestling (Was this federation in the asylum? I know Kane has one of the more detailed backstories in the company but you would think they could have remembered that part.) and she was the only one who cared about him.

They went to a party one night and Katie had too much to drink so he drove home. He didn’t quite know how to drive a stick shift and hit an animal. The crash broke his arm and killed her instantly but it was an accident and HE IS NOT A MURDERER. I’m so glad he cleared that up.

Cue HHH to say Kane was drunk too and cops found Kane’s semen in her. Kane loved her but Katie didn’t feel the same. Kane wasn’t charged with anything but the fact is KANE IS A MURDERER! HHH asks if Kane forced himself on her or just do it to her corpse. Kane’s mouth hangs open and we go to a break.

I’ve watched a lot of wrestling in my day and I’ve seen some very dumb stories. It’s very rare that I find something that would make me embarrassed as a fan but that’s what happened here. This is one of, if not THE DUMBEST ideas I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Let’s start with one of the obvious questions: HOW DOES HHH KNOW ALL THIS??? I can get the idea of maybe finding something in a newspaper article but he sounds like he was at the same school watching the whole thing.

Speaking of where someone was during this whole thing, do you remember about three years before this when Kane was a big monster covered in burns and scars? As in the guy who could only speak through a voicebox and had his first girlfriend (Tori) around the same time? Apparently he was not only trained as a wrestler back around 1992 but went to parties and had a female friend.

Finally, and most importantly, how does this really change anything? So Kane did something a long time ago and there was a big accident which may or may not have been his fault. Now he’s not going to get a title match on pay per view as a result? This is really the best thing they can do? Just talk about how important the titles are or something but stop WAY before you reach this level of nonsense.

After a break, Kane leaves to avoid doing something he’ll regret.

Molly Holly/Victoria vs. Trish Stratus/Jackie

Stacy is guest referee and we’re supposed to just go with the women after Kane is accused of necrophilia. Of course we are. The brawl is on to start with Stacy looking rather confused about what to do here. Trish gets the Stratusphere on Molly before it’s off to Jackie as JR keeps pointing out that Stacy isn’t your normal referee. You know, in case you didn’t get that yourselves.

Jackie armdrags both villains down at the same time as something else goes on in the first few rows. It seems that someone ran down to the barricade to get a picture and was sent away for his efforts. At least it’s better than listening to the announcers talk about how good the women look. Trish gets double teamed in the corner and Molly rips at her face. Victoria adds the slingshot flipping legdrop for two but Molly misses the handspring elbow. Jackie gets two off a side slam but it’s time for the referee has a sore shoulder bit. We get a ref bump before a DDT looks to finish Molly….so here’s another referee to count the pin

Rating: D. The match was as good as it was going to be for how overbooked the whole thing was. Trish vs. Victoria has potential as they’re actually showing some fire and the other two are fine additions to make this a tag. On the other hand, I have no idea why Stacy was involved here. I mean that in storyline terms of course as the outfit spoke for itself.

Booker gets his strap for later.

Batista is still coming.

Eric Bischoff is in the ring to say Kane will get his title shot no matter what (so the story IS pointless). That’s going to be important because it’s the final time the Intercontinental Title will be defended. Therefore, as a special treat, here’s the first Intercontinental Champion and Montreal native Pat Patterson.

Pat greets the fans in French but Bischoff tells him to speak English. That’s fine as Patterson says he doesn’t trust Bischoff but Eric has a tribute to the history of the Intercontinental Title. It’s actually pretty solid but as soon as it’s over, Pat has to fight off 3 Minute Warning. This goes as well as you would expect, as does Gerald Brisco’s attempt at a save. Big Show and D’Lo Brown (former 3 Minute Warning victims) make the save, followed by Jeff Hardy after the work has been done. Again, this felt like filler.

The Anthology CD collection is coming. I bought that.

Al Snow praises Christopher Nowinski for never giving up but Chris doesn’t think much of him.

Christopher Nowinski vs. Tommy Dreamer

The feud that won’t die. Dreamer gets two off an early neckbreaker but gets sent hard into the corner. A spinebuster gives Dreamer two more so Nowinski hits one of his own. Tommy comes back and puts him in the Tree of Woe for some crotching, only to go after a Singapore cane. Al Snow won’t let it happen though and Dreamer gets caught in a full nelson slam for the quick pin. This was bad, mainly due to the people involved.

HHH says he found all this stuff out in police reports which were given to him by someone else. He’ll win tonight and on Sunday too.

Video on Randy Orton.

Here’s Randy to say he’s torn his shoulder apart but will be back in 3-4 months. There’s even an e-mail address set up for fans to send him get well wishes. This is the city where Bret Hart got screwed but unlike Bret, Orton will be back. Orton is cranking up the smugness here and it’s working FAR better than anything else he’s ever done.

Booker T. vs. Big Show

Falls count anywhere. Booker hammers away but gets sent outside for two as the announcers argue about Kane AGAIN. This is probably the sixth time tonight and it’s Lawler making a joke and JR shouting KANE IS NOT A MURDERER. Anyway they fight into the crowd as we discuss JR’s sandwich from earlier in the day. They head backstage and the crowd noise just stops in one of the worst edits I’ve ever seen.

More hardcore brawling ensues and we see Flair directing a HHH driven forklift in the background (that was funny for some reason). Show kicks a steel wall and gets sprayed with a fire extinguisher for two. The fight goes into the women’s locker room and Booker kicks him low to block a chokeslam. A woman is in a towel (Lawler: “I hope it’s not Molly.” Give me a break already.) and backs into the corner as the lame brawl continues. We see that it’s Trish as Jericho comes in and hits Booker with a chair to give Show the pin.

Rating: F. It says a lot when two talented people can do something this worthless. The hardcore stuff didn’t need to be there, the brawling was awful, the women’s locker room was just there to tease twelve year old boys and I have no idea why these two are fighting again. Terrible stuff here and another moment to make this show even worse.

The forklift blocks the locker room door so the good lumberjacks can’t get out.

HHH vs. Rob Van Dam

Non-title with all heel lumberjacks. Van Dam charges the ring and hammers away but gets sent to the floor for a whipping. Back in and they slug it out as WE TALK ABOUT KANE ONE MORE TIME! Van Dam takes another whipping and JR is aghast at the unfairness. HHH is sent outside for no violence so Rob dives onto a bunch of people. The champ starts in on the back with your standard heel fare: backbreakers, shoulders to the back and a suplex for a few two counts.

An abdominal stretch sets up more whipping from the lumberjacks before Rob escapes another suplex. Rolling Thunder gets two and Jericho celebrates the kickout. Rob’s spinwheel kick looks to set up the Five Star but Jericho crotches him on top (with the referee looking right at him). Cue Booker T. and the good lumberjacks for the big brawl. The referee goes outside too and of course there’s no count on the Five Star. Flair, belt shot, pin.

Rating: D-. You know, because THIS MATCH couldn’t go to a no contest. It’s the perfectly boring ending to one of the worst episodes of Raw that I’ve seen in a long time, which is covering a lot of ground. Van Dam taking the pin was stupid but I’m sure beating Flair on Sunday is going to make up for it right?

Kane comes back and cleans house to end the show.

Overall Rating: F-. So the match of the night is a completely forgettable Tag Team Title change. It was all downhill from there with the commentary and Kane/HHH promo being tied for some of the worst stuff I’ve seen in far too long. How in the world is this supposed to make me want to see a wrestling pay per view? I can’t think of a single good thing about this show and that should never happen. PLEASE get us past No Mercy and on to the Shawn return because it has to be better than this garbage.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 7, 2002
Location: Thomas and Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re in Las Vegas for a special show as WWE continues to fight (in vein) against Monday Night Football. This week it’s Raw Roulette, meaning every match is Spin the Wheel, Make the deal. I was always a fan of that gimmick back in WCW but having a full show built around it could be a mess. Let’s get to it.

Quick video on Raw Roulette which basically says “tonight is Raw Roulette”. Thanks for that one.

Eric Bischoff is in the back with some showgirls and explains the concept: a spin of the wheel determines the gimmick for every match tonight. First up: a steel cage match.

Opening sequence.

Booker T. vs. Big Show

In a cage of course. There’s a weird buzzing sound coming through commentary so I have another annoying sound to deal with aside from JR and King try to explain why this match is happening. Show tosses him into the cage and hits a hard clothesline before throwing Booker into the corner again.

The very slow beating continues as this is going nowhere. Booker slugs away a bit so Show kicks him in the face for his efforts. A side kick knocks Big Show into the cage and a top rope scissors kick (cool move) knocks him silly. Somehow that’s not enough to finish it either as Booker has to low blow Big Show off the top before escaping for the win.

Rating: D-. For a regular match it was boring but for a cage match it was a disaster. This is a good example of what’s going to be going wrong all night: these gimmicks aren’t adding anything to the matches but we’re getting them for the sake of trying to fight off football. Really boring stuff here as Show does little more than throwing Booker into things and that’s not enough to fill in eight minutes.

Chris Jericho runs in and lays Booker out, even drawing some blood.

Kane and the Hurricane get to defend the Tag Team Titles in…..a TLC match. Bischoff: “Tables, ladders and chairs.” Hurricane: “Holy Mick Foley!”

Jericho is tired of being overlooked and wants some respect.

HHH gets a blindfold match and thinks it should be against one of the showgirls. Flair calms HHH down and introduces Bischoff to his own personal lesbians. William Regal comes in to say this is ridiculous so the wheel gives him a Las Vegas Showgirl against Goldust. As in they have to dress like showgirls. We’re really going the drag route?

Batista is coming to Raw. Anything that gets him away from D-Von is great, but what about the contracts being frozen a few weeks ago?

HHH vs. D’Lo Brown

Non-title and they’re both blindfolded. They slowly walk past each other before the miss right hands. HHH talks smack to a turnbuckle and Brown hits a lucky right hand. Of course he grabs the referee because he thinks HHH wrestles in a shirt. Some right hands have Brown in trouble but he backdrops his way out of a Pedigree. There’s the Sky High but HHH rolls over to the ropes. A Flair distraction lets HHH cheat and hit the Pedigree for the pin. What a waste of time and the WORLD CHAMPION.

Christian, Bubba Ray Dudley and Jeff Hardy are in Bischoff’s office where he says no one knows more about TLC matches than they do. All three of them can pick their own partners for tonight’s title match and Bubba stares Eric down. Goldust comes in in his showgirl attire and seems right in his element.

Quick sidebar. The Raw tag division is a wreck, Smackdown is having to put together any two people they can to do a tournament and these three are all split from their respective partners. Edge is doing wonders on his own and Matt is doing pretty well (albeit as a goon in the Undertaker vs. Lesnar feud) but D-Von is a disaster. Can anyone give me one good reason why the Dudleyz weren’t back together two months ago? And maybe the Hardyz too? Anyway, Goldust pops up in his showgirl attire.

Goldust vs. William Regal

They’re both dressed as showgirls and of course Regal goes WAY too far with it to great comedic effect. It’s a good thing they had showgirl outfits in mens professional wrestlers’ sizes. Goldust takes over and tries the Shattered Dreams but Lance storm offers a distraction. Regal pulls the knucks from his bra (just go with it) and knocks Goldust cold for the pin in less than a minute.

Christian isn’t going to pick any of the Un-Americans to be his partner because he’d like to win. Instead he’ll have Chris Jericho as his partner.

Stacy Keibler vs. Trish Stratus for the Women’s Title gets two spins: paddle on a pole and bra and panties. The first to strip their opponent wins and then gets to spank the loser.

Bubba picks Tommy Dreamer as his partner tonight but sees Spike being upset. Spike has watched Bubba and D-Von for years and wanted to be there one day. Bubba changes partners and Spike smiles (Dreamer is fine with this).

Women’s Title: Stacy Keibler vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending and this is a bra and panties match. Stacy jumps her from behind and sends Trish face first into the title. They both lose their tops until Trish reverses a rollup and gets Stacy’s shorts off for the win. Normal situation here: great visuals, horrible non-wrestling.

Victoria comes out and destroys Trish post match.

Jeff Hardy picks Rob Van Dam as his partner.

Victoria wants the Women’s Title and suggests that Trish has done some horrible things in her past, http://onhealthy.net/product-category/allergy/ including things that hurt Victoria personally.

Al Snow vs. Test

Las Vegas Street Fight, meaning they’ve found a new way to put hardcore back on TV. The weapons are pulled out and Snow starts swinging plastic dice. Test knocks him out of the air with a trashcan lid but gets suplexed onto the full can. A trashcan lid shot to the head staggers Test again and Snow grabs a bowling ball. Test gets up but slips on a trashcan lid (unintentionally) and gets hit in the head with the ball for the pin.

Rating: D. Remember when they got rid of the hardcore division because it was the same stupid stuff over and over? That’s exactly what the case was here as there was nothing we hadn’t seen before. Snow was one of the more entertaining hardcore guys but they got rid of this nonsense for a reason.

Jerry Lawler vs. Steven Richards

It’s Legal in Nevada match, meaning here come the Godfather and his ladies. The winner here gets to take a ride on the train so I think you know where this is going. Richards jumps Jerry from behind and gets two off a suplex. Lawler gets his feet up to block a middle rope fist drop though and the strap comes down. Jerry hits the dropkick and fist drop for two. Back up and Richards tries a sunset flip but Lawler drops down for the pin.

Lawler is very, very happy.

Randy Orton video. Bob Orton: “In ten years, I see Randy being one of the best of all time.” He’s not wrong.

Kane is all fired up to become a triple champion at No Mercy. Coach comes up to tell him that Flair and HHH are beating up Hurricane so Kane runs off for the late save.

Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Jeff Hardy vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Kane/Hurricane

TLC with Kane defending on his own as Hurricane is still down in the back. It’s a huge brawl to start with Jericho throwing in an early ladder as people pair off. Christian and Jericho are easily shoved off said ladder though and everyone else heads outside. Jeff dives off the barricade to take Kane down and it’s Christian and Jericho putting the ladder on the turnbuckle.

Spike goes into the ladder but heel miscommunication puts Christian down. Kane comes back in with the top rope clothesline and chokeslams Bubba for good measure. There’s a ladder up in the ring as Kane throws Spike over the top and onto Van Dam. The Canadians knock Kane to the floor and put him on a table so Jeff can hit a legdrop off a ladder. Christian gets powerbombed off the ladder and we take a break.

Back with Bubba and Jericho slugging it out on top of the ladder as it’s clear that Kane is the only one tall enough to reach the belts at that height. Jericho bulldogs Bubba off the ladder and Christian gives Van Dam a reverse DDT off another one. This match is still all over the place and doesn’t feel like there’s any teamwork or anything other than a bunch of people doing a bunch of spots.

With everyone down, the fans want tables. Christian goes up but gets crotched on the top by Kane, followed by a powerslam to Jeff. Bubba plays Matt for some Poetry in Motion to Kane and there’s the Van Terminator to knock him even sillier. Jeff goes up so Bubba superplexes him right back down and everyone is done. In an interesting note, we see a replay of the superplex and the original commentary is still there. You don’t hear that too often.

Now it’s Jericho going up with Spike shoving the ladder over, sending Jericho out to the floor in a scary looking crash. Christian throws Spike through a table as this just keeps going. The Five Star hits Christian and Jeff misses a Swanton before being backdropped through a table. Kane comes back in and chokeslams Jericho off a ladder before pulling down the titles for the win.

Rating: B-. This was entertaining but WAY too long at over twenty five minutes, the fourth longest of all time and the longest team version ever. Above that though, there was no flow or psychology to the match. With the more famous one, you could tell that the matches were laid out with far more precision, which made for a better match. This one was all over the place with everyone hitting random spots and popping back up for the next one. It’s entertaining but nothing I’ll remember watching in a day or two.

Post match here are HHH and Flair to mention the name…..here we go…..Katie Vick, who Kane killed ten years ago. HHH calls Kane a murderer to end the show as the audience doesn’t seem too thrilled.

Overall Rating: D-. The second best match of the night was Stevie Richards vs. Jerry Lawler in a match to leave with a bunch of random women. This was ALL about gimmick overload and proof that there’s no benefit from just throwing gimmicks out there for the sake of having them without the stories behind them. The wrestling barely existed and a main event that wasn’t all that great was nowhere near enough to save it, especially with the big angle to end the show. Terrible show here as they’re looking more and more desperate every week.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 30, 2002
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’ll wrap the month up here with less than three weeks to go before No Mercy, which hasn’t even been addressed yet. All I know is we’re going to be seeing a lot more of Ric Flair and HHH because HHH is in charge and wants Flair to feel special again or something like that. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Eric Bischoff in the ring to tell us to not bother going over to Monday Night Football. Tonight there are going to be three title matches with Trish Stratus, Chris Jericho and HHH all putting their titles on the line. Good idea but I’m scared about who might be challenging. As for No Mercy, it’s going to be title vs. title at No Mercy because we’re going to have one show and one champion.

That brings him to Lita, who has been standing behind him. Apparently Lita recently said Smackdown was better than Raw and it wasn’t because of having better talent. Eric calls her a rather rude word and says that Lita is worthless after breaking her neck in Hollywood. Lita says that’s her opinion so she has three minutes to get out. Cue Jeff Hardy, Booker T. and Goldust for the save and that means it’s time for a match.

3 Minute Warning vs. Goldust/Booker T.

Booker gets knocked to the floor to start but comes right back in to break up some double teaming. We settle down to Jamal hammering on Goldust as the fans rip on Rico. Rosey drops a spinning legdrop for two and it’s time to continue the beating. Thankfully the fans switch over to a Goldust chant and he grabs a neckbreaker to put Rosey down.

That’s enough for the hot tag off to Booker as house is quickly cleaned. The side kick sets up the Spinarooni but the ax kick only gets two. Rico gets in a kick to drop Goldust, leaving Booker to clothesline the monsters. A World’s Strongest Slam puts him down though and Jamal’s top rope splash is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to the match here but it’s not a good sign when Booker, as in the hometown favorite, gets to lose AGAIN. Booker has been one of the hottest acts on Raw for months now and I have no idea why he and Goldust keep losing so much. They should have been the Tag Team Champions a month ago with Booker moving up the ladder in a hurry. To be fair though, at least they’re pushing SOMEONE fresh and that’s a lot better than you can say most of the time.

Rico is ready to take 3 Minute Warning to the Tag Team Titles.

Christian and Lance Storm argue over last week’s title loss but William Regal wants them to concentrate on Storm’s match with Randy Orton.

Chris Jericho says Kane’s chances of becoming Intercontinental Champion are as real as Terri’s chest. Ace reporter Gregory Helms comes in to say his sources have told him that Jericho has no chance. Jericho: “Has everybody in this company gone completely insane?” Chris goes on a rant against freaks when Kane comes in to scare him away. After Kane kissed her last week, Terri kisses Kane and leaves. Kane: “Chicks dig the mask.”

Randy Orton vs. Lance Storm

Orton starts fast with his backbreaker as the announcers talk about Saddam Hussein. That’s about it for the early offense though as Storm takes him into the corner for some yelling and choking. It’s off to an armbar with Orton slapping the mat to no avail. Storm tries an O’Connor Roll with trunks but Orton rolls through into one of his own and grabs the tights for a sloppy pin.

We’re not done yet though as Christian steals Jim Ross’ hat and says Storm dropped the ball again. That means a challenge.

Randy Orton vs. Christian

Randy starts fast again and dropkicks him before the bell, only to get draped across the top rope. Orton shrugs off some choking and gets two off a powerslam. Christian ducks a high crossbody and tries the Unprettier but Orton reverses into the Overdrive, botches the heck out of it, and then hits the second attempt for the pin.

JR gets his hat back and I have no idea why the Un-Americans are being treated like this.

Bischoff yells at Jeff and gives him another match with Big Show. Jeff leaves and Ric Flair comes in to say that kid has no respect. Apparently Rob Van Dam has challenged Flair for tonight and Eric isn’t sure if the match will take place. Flair is working on an ex-Smackdown talent but details are scarce.

Jeff Hardy vs. Big Show

Jacqueline is guest referee because that’s interesting. Jeff dives at him and is launched right back inside so the beating can begin. That includes a choke in the corner and a toss into the air for a big crash. One heck of a toss sends Hardy outside but Show posts himself. Jeff dropkicks a chair into Show’s head to knock him over the barricade and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. The wrestling hasn’t been this show’s strong suit and it’s not like Jeff gets anything from this win. Big Show is right back to the lumbering oaf period and the bald spot isn’t helping him. It’s a bad match and bad booking, which has been a theme so far tonight. That’s not good when we’re a third of the way through the show.

Booker T. wants to fight Jericho (who insulted Booker in his earlier promo) but Chris already has a match tonight you see. The catchphrase is loaded up but Jericho dares to cut him off before the sucka. Dang man. Booker can’t get anything in tonight.

Raw World Title: Bubba Ray Dudley vs. HHH

Bubba is challenging and spray paints HHH on a table. We get a pretty nice speech about how Bubba wants to earn his title and prove that he’s more than just a tag wrestler. I’d buy into this if this wasn’t Bubba Ray Dudley vs. HHH in 2002. Or ever for that matter. They slug it out in the corner before heading outside with Flair looking a bit nervous.

Back in and Bubba spears him down for some right hands but no reaction because no one buys this as a potential title change. A Flair distraction lets HHH take over and we hit the choking for two. It’s off to the sleeper as we hear about how Bubba has waited twelve years for a title shot. The sleeper experiment has seemed to end though as there isn’t even a dramatic arm drop.

HHH misses a right hand and gets caught in a German suplex for a breather. Bubba adds a Samoan drop and a DDT for two, followed by the Bubba Bomb. Of course that draws Flair into the ring for a distraction so there’s no cover. Bubba can’t hit a powerbomb so HHH Pedigrees him to retain.

Rating: C-. I’ll give them points for throwing a bone to Bubba but no one who had ever watched wrestling before bought him as any kind of a threat. The match didn’t even run eight minutes and the fans just did not care because they knew it wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t even bad, which is a minor miracle in its own right, but the lack of drama killed off anything they could have done.

Victoria jumps Trish as she’s getting ready.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria

Trish is defending and charges to the ring to start the brawl in a hurry. Victoria is thrown in and right back out but she sidesteps a dive off the apron to send Trish into the barricade. The slingshot legdrop gets two on the champ but Trish grabs a neckbreaker for the same. The Stratusphere gets the same and Victoria falls to the floor….where she grabs a chair for the DQ. This was kind of rocking until the quick ending.

Bischoff is spinning a wheel when Stacy (looking great here) cuts him off and asks for support in the semi-finals of the Internet Babe of the Year contest. Eric doesn’t care and explains Raw Roulette (Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal), which makes its debut next week. Stacy is given a match with Trish next week and leaves happy. Bischoff: “You’re not going to see anything like this on Monday Night Football.”

Video on Randy Orton.

The Un-Americans bicker some more.

Coach goes to talk to HHH but finds Flair, a good looking blonde and a bottle of champagne. HHH gets out of the shower to talk about his title defense at No Mercy. Two women call him back into the shower but Jericho comes in and wants a word. Coach is told to leave so Jericho hits on one of the girls. You would think they would throw the camera out too but maybe they’re into that kind of thing.

Tommy Dreamer/Rob Van Dam vs. Test/William Regal

Remember eight days ago when Van Dam was in a World Title match on pay per view? Dreamer throws Regal around to start before it’s off to Rob (still with bad ribs) to kick away at Test. It’s back to Regal for one heck of a suplex and Van Dam is in trouble. Unfortunately Jerry can’t talk about the possibilities of a bra and panties match so the match, which isn’t the most interesting in the world, isn’t getting any attention. Not that it matters anyway as Dreamer comes in off the hot tag and everything breaks down. Test can’t get the pumphandle so Van Dam kicks him into a rollup to give Dreamer the pin.

Rating: D. I’m so glad HHH gave Van Dam the rub so he could go and have a match like this. I know Dreamer is fine but teaming with him is a major downgrade for Van Dam, who was nothing but a sacrificial lamb for HHH. Then you have the Un-Americans who were champions two or three weeks ago and now they’re 0-3 tonight. I have no idea what the point is in the fast turnover but it’s been rather jarring.

Christian and Storm come out and get in a fight with Test and Regal before Dreamer and Van Dam clean house.

Booker gets in his SUCKA on Jericho an hour after he said “can you dig that”. I’ve always wanted him to do that and now he finally has! Uh, it’s not quite the thrill I was expecting.

Wrestlemania XIX press conference clip.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kane

Kane is challenging and peppers the champ in the corner with some right hands. Jericho bails to the floor and gets slammed off the top for his efforts. Cue Flair to ringside (I’m sure he and Jericho are just fine after their big feud over the last month and a half.) so he can put Jericho’s foot on the rope after Kane hits a tilt-a-whirl slam.

The chase doesn’t go anywhere so Kane throws Jericho out to the floor for a big crash. Flair tries to get Jericho up, earning himself an ejection. Kane slugs him up the ramp for good measure and we take a break. Back with Kane getting crotched on top and superplexed as the fans seem to be cheering for Jericho. It’s time to start in on the knee with Kane getting knocked to the floor.

Lawler keeps talking about Jericho’s music career so JR suggests that he join the band as a spoon player. That’s quite the visual. Kane uses the good leg to kick his way out of a leglock so Jericho switched to the Hartbreaker around the post. Back in and Jericho stays on the leg but throws in a little dance to make it a bit more versatile.

Kane gets in a belly to back suplex and a tilt-a-whirl powerslam as the knee seems just fine. Jericho is sent into the steps and the top rope clothesline gets two. Now it’s HHH coming out for a distraction but it’s not enough to set up the Walls. HHH gets in a spinebuster (which looked so bad that JR called it a belly to belly, which isn’t that far off) on the floor for two and Jericho grabs a chair. With JR being SURE that HHH and Jericho are in cahoots, Kane gets to the ropes to break the Walls. The big boot and chokeslam give Kane the title.

Rating: C. I’ll give them points for the longer match but I really don’t buy that Jericho and Flair are all cool so soon. I get that Flair is just a goon at this point and HHH had some meeting with Jericho but Chris and Flair being willing to work together so soon doesn’t fit. What also doesn’t fit is the match being focused on the knee and then having Kane just pop up like nothing happened. At least have a problem getting him up for the chokeslam. Finally, if you’re going to have Kane be the next sacrificial lamb to HHH, what’s the point in giving him the Tag Team Titles?

Overall Rating: D+. The problem here is the booking as we’re closing in on HHH vanquishing Kane (and beating a double champion in the process) and….who else came out of this show looking good? The Un-Americans are mostly split, Booker T., Goldust, Jericho and Van Dam all look to have nothing positive right now and Jeff Hardy is thrilled with a countout win over Big Show.

This show is all about HHH looking great and smarter than anyone else, which really does make me wonder why I’m supposed to care about the rest of the roster. Maybe HHH can give them a rub, which of course means him beating them into dust because it’s his show and anyone who thinks otherwise is getting the sledgehammer of reality to the head.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 23, 2002
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Unforgiven and the big story on the Raw side is Ric Flair joining forces with HHH to form….well to form nothing at the moment but that’s the only noteworthy thing that happened last night. I’m worried about what we’ll be getting going forward but that’s so often the case around here. Let’s get to it.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly vs. Victoria

Trish is defending after winning the title last night. Victoria goes after the champ before Molly even gets to the ring and the fight is on in a hurry. As Lawler asks if Trish is the hottest Women’s Champion ever, the challengers start double teaming Trish as you might expect them to do. That earns them a double clothesline and some signature stuff but Molly lifts her up for a toss out to the floor (and one heck of a bump). Back in and Molly avoids Victoria’s moonsault, setting up a collision to knock Molly into Trish’s rollup to retain the title.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing to see (save for that nasty crash to the floor) but this was quick enough to not overstay its welcome. The women just aren’t good enough at this point to work a long match so it’s a good idea to keep things short here. Victoria looked a lot more aggressive here and that’s the best thing possible for Trish and the title.

Booker T. and Goldust show some of the roster clips of last night with Eric Bischoff getting humiliated. Goldust: “I haven’t seen anything that bad since Chris Jericho’s last Fozzy concert.” As a bonus, Goldust has a picture of Bischoff with Rikishi’s thong replacing the face. Rico: “That’s disgusting! I’M TELLING ERIC!”

Bischoff welcomes an unnamed face to the Raw side when Rico comes in. Eric wants to know where Rico was last night but it was Bischoff who sent them out on the town. Anyway Rico tells him what Booker and Goldust were up to and Eric is ticked.

After a break, here’s a ticked off Bischoff in the arena. Bischoff isn’t cool with the fans booing him but more importantly, Vince McMahon has issued a new decree: there’s a freeze on all contracts and no one gets to jump between shows unless there is an official trade. However he made a few last minute deals before the deadline with details coming later.

For now though, Booker needs to come out here RIGHT NOW. Bischoff wants an explanation but Booker calls him a skippy hippie. Booker keeps making jokes about last night and says Bischoff’s breath is heinous like a fat man’s anus. Cue 3 Minute Warning and Rico for the beatdown with Goldust’s save going nowhere.

Post break, Rico offers to face Booker tonight and Chris Jericho comes up to demand a shot at Goldust for the Fozzy insult. Eric agrees but makes it an Intercontinental Title shot. That’s a very face move for a heel boss.

Jeff Hardy vs. Big Show

Jeff goes right after him to start and actually hits something like a suicide dive. That’s not what you do to a giant though and he tosses Jeff over the top so we can have the opening bell. Back in and Jeff dropkicks him in the knee and hits the Swanton across Show’s back for what is likely his only near fall. Show just blasts him with the overhand chop to bust open Jeff’s shirt. That’s enough for Show as he plants Jeff with the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. I’m so glad we’re getting the renewed Big Show push because I just don’t want to imagine a WWE without it. Allegedly Hardy was rather, ahem, unable to perform last week so this might have been punishment as a result. I’d rather have that instead of “comedy” but Big Show might not be the best choice to push.

We look back at Tommy Dreamer beating up Christopher Nowinski two weeks back.

Nowinski is in a classroom and wants to fight dreamer. Post break Dreamer shows up and gets caned down. Dreamer puts him through the ceiling and the beating just keeps going because we NEED hardcore stuff around here without actually having hardcore matches.

Randy Orton vs. Steven Richards

Here’s one of the talent jumps but it’s not clear if he was the mystery man earlier. Orton hits his quick dropkick as the crowd is just silent for this. Richards slows things down and gets two off a side slam. The rather slow pace continues until Orton slips out of a neckbreaker and grabs a belly to back suplex.

Commentary would suggest that the company wants Orton to be the next Rocky Maivia but it’s not quite working. How can Orton be considered a blue chipper without a Jheri Curl? Orton’s backbreaker and powerslam get two each, only to walk into the Stevie Kick for two. That means a freak out session and choking from Richards, only to eat the high crossbody to give Orton the pin. Lawler: “THIS KID IS PHENOMENAL!” Just….no Jerry.

Rating: D-. Above all else this was incredibly boring. Orton has no character at this point and there’s only so much you’re going to be able to do in a match against a low level nothing like Richards. It’s a really boring match and that doesn’t make Orton seem like the bright star that the announcers are pushing him to be.

The Union Underground performs Across the Nation (Raw’s theme) while some Divas dance. Lillian looks like she’s just enjoying the song, Terri looks like she has no idea what she’s doing (might not be her kind of music) and Jackie is having a great time while barely staying in her top. Stacy is miles ahead of all of them as she looks amazing and clearly has done this kind of dancing for a long time.

Here’s Flair for the big explanation. Last week, HHH yelled at him and said Flair was pathetic. HHH was right and it’s because Flair was too busy listening to the fans. When he was a kid, HHH wanted to be Ric Flair (or Hulk Hogan if you listen to the story from back in April) and now Flair is going to try to pull that off.

If HHH is willing, Flair is going to teach him how to get to another level. Flair’s payment is very simple: he gets to be by the champ’s side and spend the twilight of his career on top where he belongs. Rob Van Dam tries to interfere but HHH beats him down from behind. The double team is on until Bubba Ray Dudley makes the save.

Two notes here: first of all, they kept this short but covered the point. We know why Flair did it and we know what he gets out of it. Simple yet effective, as promos often need to be.

Second, this is a great example of how important it is to have the right character in the right role. I can accept the idea that HHH is a huge Flair fan and wants to be just like him. There’s no specific reason but it’s something I could accept at face value. For an example of it going bad, look back at AJ Styles doing the same thing in 2010. I can imagine AJ being a Flair fan but I absolutely can’t believe one of the most natural faces ever being a Nature Boy clone. You need to have the right kind of character for any given role and it works very well here, which is why the angle should work as well as it’s going to.

Post break Bubba and Van Dam say this is the people’s show and demand a tag match tonight. Bischoff comes up to say it’s his show but allows the match anyway.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Goldust

Jericho is defending and these two are somehow still active fifteen years later. Goldust gets in a quick hiptoss and catapult to send him into the buckle. The champ comes right back with a bulldog and cranks on the neck as we hear about how big a band Fozzy really is. With that going nowhere, Jericho hits an extended trash talk sequence. It’s enough for Goldust to fight back with something like a Boss Man Slam/chokeslam but the Curtain Call is broken up. Goldust will settle for a powerslam but the referee breaks up Shattered Dreams. Jericho gets in the enziguri and the Walls retain the title.

Rating: C. Not bad here, as you might expect. I don’t think anyone was going to buy Goldust as a full fledged threat to win the title but you’re going to get a completely watchable match out of him. I’m still not entirely sure why Jericho has the title again but he’s far from the worst choice.

Tag Team Titles: Un-Americans vs. Kane/???

Kane is challenging along with his partner…..the Hurricane? Again it’s not clear if he was the one who was in Bischoff’s office or not but it doesn’t really matter. An early Blockbuster puts Christian down but the rest of the team jumps Hurricane on the floor. Kane does his best angry stare for the save and it’s Christian getting in a few stomps of his own. We hit the chinlock for a bit until a clothesline puts both guys down.

Hurricane dives over for the hot tag and the fans react as strongly as they can. House is quickly cleaned until Regal gets in a title shot to Kane’s head. Er, mask. Either way, it only gets two and Regal and Test are both ejected for their efforts. Charles Robinson trying to be intimidating is one of the best comedy spots of the year. Hurricane gets a sloppy hurricanrana on Christian and heel miscommunication sets up a double chokeslam (eh cute) for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C-. I’m so glad we had the Un-Americans all over the show for so many weeks to have them lose to the latest thrown together team. I’ve seen worse matches though and Hurricane is always entertaining, at least for a quick laugh. Not bad here and the fans got into the American victory, which is the whole point here.

Post break Hurricane says he and Kane are perfect together because they both wear masks and both use chokeslams. Tonight it’s time to celebrate and Kane says freaks are cool. Hurricane is ready to go to the Hurricave but Kane stops to kiss Terri before leaving with his partner.

Regal isn’t happy but says the team will regroup.

Booker T. vs. Rico

Booker hammers away in the corner until Rico reverses and fires off some kicks to the head. That springboard version always looks good. A kneelift only seems to fire Booker up and it’s the forearm into the Spinarooni. The scissors kick ends Rico in short order.

Post match it’s 3 Minute Warning for the beatdown and Goldust for the failed save. The difference is Booker is in gear instead of street clothes like earlier and Goldust actually hits Shattered Dreams on Rico before getting taken apart. Totally different idea you see.

Bischoff makes 3 Minute Warning vs. Goldust/Booker T. for next week. Again, not exactly a heel move. It’s putting them on square footing and taking away the Samoans’ advantage. How is that a heel boss?

Van Dam says he’s at peace with HHH and Flair but isn’t impassionate despite his bad ribs.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Rob Van Dam vs. HHH/Ric Flair

After some long entrances, HHH jumps Bubba from behind and gets backdropped for his efforts. The fans want tables but get Flair, who has no issues with Bubba, making this kind of pointless. Some shoulders put Flair down as JR thinks Ric is going through “the change of life”.

It’s right back to HHH as Bubba seems a bit hesitant to tag in the injured RVD. Bubba gets the better of a chop off with Flair before it’s off to Rob for a series of kicks. Rolling Thunder isn’t the best idea and HHH doesn’t stay down long enough to really validate the pain on the bad ribs. HHH gets in a belly to back suplex but the hot tag brings in Bubba a few seconds later.

The fans react like they’re watching an Orton match and only pick up a bit as Bubba hammers on Flair. House is quickly cleaned and Van Dam plays D-Von on What’s Up. It’s table time but HHH shoves Van Dam off the top. A throat snap across the top knocks Bubba into a Flair rollup (with tights) for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was awkward with the wrestling not being great and the story being sort of all over the place. It’s clear that they’re setting up Bubba as the next challenger (which is likely only going to be short term) and I’m really not sure how that’s going to work. The story makes sense but I’m not sure if Bubba Ray Dudley is going to work in that role no matter what. Van Dam really does look like a one off challenger and that’s a really bad thing given how second rate he looked next to HHH.

Bubba saves Van Dam from a low blow and almost completely misses the table when powerbombing HHH. The champ hit the corner and the table didn’t even break, causing the crowd to go almost silent. Van Dam legdrops him through the table (makes sense due to the bad ribs) instead to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The bad times are here and that’s got me worried going forward. There was WAY too much 3 Minute Warning vs. Goldust/Booker T. (a fine feud on its own but it was a lot of overkill here) and too many nothing matches (the opener, Orton and Hardy vs. Big Show) to fill out a two hour show. Cut out some of the filler (like the concert, which felt completely tacked on) and turn it into some better stories and the show will improve. As for now though, Raw is back to its normal horrible.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Unforgiven 2002
Date: September 22, 2002
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross, Tazz, Jerry Lawler

This isn’t exactly the most thrilling show in the world as the main events are Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar for the Smackdown World Title, HHH vs. Rob Van Dam for the Raw World Title and Billy and Chuck vs. 3 Minute Warning in the battle of the general managers. Yeah it’s not a good sign that we’re already doing interpromotional matches this soon on nothing pay per views. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at how we have TWO World Title matches tonight and calls the World Heavyweight Title (which it again tries to call the same thing as the WCW World Title) a “symbol of defiance”. So aside from the fact that IT’S NOT THE WCW TITLE, we’re supposed to buy that it’s defiant as it’s held by the most old school guy on the roster? To be fair, the sleeper is indeed pretty defiant.

If nothing else we get to hear Adrenaline all night long. Maybe this show won’t be that bad.

Un-Americans vs. Goldust/Bubba Ray Dudley/Kane/Booker T.

JR calls them the Unforgivens, which is a better sounding name for a stable (not this stable but a stable) actually. Goldust clotheslines Storm and Christian to start and it’s off to Bubba for the Flip Flop and Fly (Bubba with each pelvic thrust: “U! S! A!”) Bubba’s flapjack gets two as the fans are all over Regal, who I guess is officially a member of the team.

It’s off to Booker vs. Regal with the former playing D-Von on What’s Up (not touching that one), meaning it’s table time. The referee is actually smart enough to cut off the table, allowing it to be dropkicked into Booker’s face. That means we’re stuck with the WE WANT TABLES chant as Regal forearms Booker in the face a few times.

Christian comes in and eats a spinebuster, allowing the hot tag to Kane. Everything breaks down as house is cleaned, leaving Test to miss the pumphandle slam. Booker gets in the Spinarooni but gets decked by Christian. We hit the parade of secondary finishers until Kane chokeslams Storm for the pin.

Rating: C. Not a great match but it was a perfect choice for the opener. The whole “let’s fight for AMERICA” is always going to work and the flag being waved post match (you know it’s going to be) is all that needs to happen here. It’s a good example of something simple that did exactly what it was supposed to and that’s perfectly fine.

The flag is indeed waved.

Noted tag team specialist Stephanie McMahon gives Billy and Chuck a pep talk. Stephanie: “This is about pride. This is about respect. This is about…” Billy: “Making sure you don’t have to French kiss a lesbian tonight?” It’s a funny line so Stephanie cuts the laughter because THIS IS SERIOUS.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Jericho is defending after losing to Flair last month and wanting to get some revenge. Flair is in black trunks and purple boots tonight for a really odd combination. Some chops look to set up the Figure Four in the first minute of the match so Jericho kicks him outside without too much effort.

Jericho’s missile dropkick gets two and it’s off to the abdominal stretch. That’s enough for Flair to start his comeback (rather soon for that) with chops and a whip into the post. The bulldog takes Flair back down but Jericho tweaks his knee on the Lionsault. Flair ACTUALLY BACKS OFF from the injury and Jericho goldbricks his way into the Walls to retain the title.

Rating: C-. Ok where’s the real ending for this one? I’m not a huge Flair fan but there is no way he’s going to do something like this. The idea is that Flair is losing his touch but I have a major issue believing that Flair would EVER fall for something like this. On top of that the match was barely six minutes long on a pay per view. What else could they have more important than a title match?

Eric Bischoff gives 3 Minute Warning the same speech. Ah yes: the build to the Eric vs. Stephanie feud would indeed be more important than a title match. Bischoff has brought in Rico to manage the team tonight.

Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie is jealous of Edge being a pretty boy. Edge is all fired up to start so Eddie gets him into a chase around the ring. Back in and Edge takes over in the corner until a tornado DDT puts him right back down. The announcers bring up the concussion from Thursday so it makes sense to go after Edge’s head. At least he’s not likely to no sell a head injury on his finisher.

Eddie wraps his legs around Edge’s shoulders (picture a victory roll position but with Edge on his back) and cranks on the head for a pretty unique looking hold. We hit the more traditional front facelock for a bit until Edge gets in a hard right hand to put both guys down. They slug it out from their knees with the Canadian getting the better of it and the faceplant connecting for two.

Eddie’s hurricanrana is countered into a sitout powerbomb for an even closer near fall. The Edgecution is only broken up with a foot on the bottom rope and Edge is getting frustrated. That means a dropkick to give Eddie an opening and he takes a buckle pad off. Edge goes up top but gets knocked into the steel, setting up a sunset bomb to give Guerrero the pin.

Rating: B+. Edge is looking more and more comfortable in the ring every single time and that’s quite the thing to see. He’s turned into a near main eventer in front of our eyes and Eddie Guerrero is the perfect choice to make that work. This was the best thing on the show so far and I can’t imagine much giving it a run for its money.

HHH goes in to see Rob Van Dam and rips on him for not having enough heart. Flair is sitting next to them and HHH says Ric used to have the heart that he’s talking about. Van Dam would rather hang with Flair than HHH and that’s about it.

Long recap of 3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck because we haven’t seen the wedding video in days at this point. We see the women’s protest too as we need to make it clear that Stephanie outsmarted Bischoff and got the last laugh.

3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck

Rico gets in a kick to Chuck’s head to start so the Samoans can take over, leaving Cole to explain the stipulations AGAIN because it’s the most brilliant idea ever and you’re too stupid to get it through your head. Chuck can’t get out of the corner as Jamal kicks him in the face for two.

A chinlock keeps Chuck in trouble as this isn’t exactly lighting the world on fire so far. The very slow and rather uninteresting beating continues because no one in this match knows how to properly take over. Rosey misses a moonsault and the hot tag brings in Billy to clean house.

Naturally he’s dumb enough to ram the Samoans’ heads together and so much for Billy and Chuck being on offense. Chuck breaks up Jamal’s top rope splash and gets in a superkick, only to take one from Jamal. Billy makes the mistake of going after Rico and a double Samoan drop finishes him off, turning 3 Minute Warning into huge faces as the HLA chants begin.

Rating: D. And that’s it for the match, until Stephanie and Eric get to come out and do the real stuff later. The problem here is there’s no particular reason for these guys to hate each other as it’s all about the bosses. Bischoff pays the Samoans and Billy and Chuck are now on Stephanie’s side because they’re all from Smackdown. That’s far from enough of a reason to care but WWE doesn’t get that because apparently Eric and Stephanie are just such fascinating characters.

Bischoff has his lesbians ready to go

We recap HHH vs. Van Dam. HHH was handed the Raw World Title and Van Dam won a four way to get the shot. Since the match was set, HHH has cost Van Dam the Intercontinental Title which should mean a new champion but of course that’s just not going to happen.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Rob Van Dam

Van Dam is challenging. They start slowly and there’s a good chance this is going to be a long match. Rob slips away from a hammerlock and slaps HHH in the face to get the frustration going. We hit the headlock on the mat to keep HHH in trouble so he bails outside. Back in and Rob takes some water to mock the spitting pose. With the mat soaked, let’s go back to that headlock.

They trade some rollups into a bridging backslide spot but instead of doing that, let’s hit the headlock AGAIN. Rob finally hits a kick to put HHH on the floor and that means a big flip dive but the champ gets out of the way. Back in and a catapult sends Van Dam’s throat into the bottom rope, setting up a neckbreaker for two. The jumping knee gets the same and it’s time for that freaking sleeper.

Rob escapes (because it’s just a sleeper) and comes back with his usual, including a slingshot dive to graze HHH. Some kicks set up the ref bump and the Pedigree is countered into a slingshot. Rob scores with the Five Star but there’s no ref, allowing HHH to get the sledgehammer. Van Dam kicks it into his face, drawing out Flair for the SHOCKING heel turn, including a sledgehammer shot to keep the title on HHH.

Rating: D+. This was your standard HHH match of the time: long, dull and with a pretty obvious ending. I mean, I know all of the signs pointed to Van Dam winning the title here but that might mean HHH isn’t the most important wrestler in the world. You know, with his manly sleeper and all that. The Flair stuff was obvious too as you don’t have someone come out for anything but a heel turn. Nothing to see here but that’s what you have to expect in this era.

D’Lo Brown and Kidman talk about what just happened when an actor from the Young and the Restless comes up for a completely worthless cameo. Dawn Marie comes up to take him away. It really is as random as it sounds.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending and they trade wristlocks to start. Trish stops a charge in the corner as Lawler wants to take Molly’s virginity. They head outside for nothing interesting and it’s time for some choking back inside. As expected, Lawler moves right back to HLA because he hasn’t talked about it in all of five minutes. Trish gets in her first major offense with the bulldog followed by the Chuck Kick for two. Molly comes right back by putting Trish in the Tree of Woe for a handspring crash, only to get caught in another bulldog to give Trish the title in a very sudden ending.

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of this aside from filling in some time? It was a short match and didn’t go anywhere because the Women’s Title hasn’t meant anything in a LONG time. Trish was definitely one of the best in the division at this point but when you have Torrie and Nidia getting so much TV time, this doesn’t exactly mean anything.

The lesbians celebrate with 3 Minute Warning and Rico. Bischoff will pay for their night out. Why would the LESBIANS be interested in this? Actually never mind as Eric holds two of them back for later.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle which is basically an argument over who is the better submission wrestler. Does Benoit vs. Angle need a story?

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

It’s an intense lockup to start with both guys falling out to the floor. Back in and they hit the mat for some technical stuff that no pairing could do better. With that going nowhere, it’s off to a long pinfall reversal sequence and you can tell the fans are respectfully silent instead of bored silent.

Angle slips out of a Crossface and bails to the floor as the fans give them a round of applause. Well deserved indeed. It’s off to a waitlock on Benoit for a bit before he sends Angle shoulder first into the post twice in a row. That’s enough defense for Kurt so he pops him over with a belly to belly.

Kurt can’t follow up though and it’s time to roll some German suplexes, only to have Angle reverse into a series of his own. Benoit starts snapping off even more of his own and Angle reverses AGAIN into his second series. Chris slips out of the Angle Slam and gets in one more with Angle getting flipped over onto his face.

Angle doesn’t stay down long though as he pops to his feet and runs the ropes for the super belly to belly. The ankle lock is reversed into a tombstone shoulder breaker of all things and Benoit hits the Swan Dive for a delayed two. The Crossface goes on but Kurt grabs the ankle lock while still in the hold for the break. How smart is this guy?

Angle gets the regular ankle lock before switching over to a Crossface on Benoit. Ever the villain, Kurt puts the rope away with his boot and gets yelled at by the referee, allowing Benoit to break the hold. One more rollup with Benoit’s feet going on the ropes for the surprise pin.

Rating: A-. Awesome stuff here and a nice callback to Wrestlemania XVII with Angle using the tights to pin Benoit after a submission battle. Benoit cheating to win makes sense as he’s doing the same thing Angle was doing earlier so it’s not exactly the dirtiest move in the world. It’s not like these two having a great match is any surprise but it’s one of their better efforts.

Lesnar isn’t worried about Undertaker.

It’s HLA time with Bischoff bringing out the lesbians. He’s scoured the country to find the best choice and introduces the ladies as Peaches and Cream. The girls give us a preview but Bischoff cuts them off before they can kiss. Bischoff brings Stephanie out and Lawler of course points out how hot she is (to be fair, he’s not wrong).

The girls take their tops off and remove Stephanie’s jacket for her as Lawler is on the verge of losing it. They rub Stephanie’s back but Eric has had it with the foreplay and tells them to get this going. Actually never mind as Bischoff has changed his mind and sends the lesbians away. He’s found a special lesbian for Stephanie and it’s……Rikishi in drag, which Bischoff somehow doesn’t see.

Bischoff calls “her” Hildegard and says she’s done prison time. Stephanie gets into the kissing and of course it’s Rikishi, which is actually treated as a surprise. A superkick puts Eric into the corner and for some reason Rikishi is wearing a bra. Bischoff gets the Stinkface as I try to figure something out: in theory, Stephanie put Rikishi up to this (or Rikishi is a cross dresser) so how complicated was this plan (and why were the original lesbians there in the first place other than tormenting the crowd) and how blind is Bischoff?

Like, did Stephanie figure out that Bischoff had this whole thing set up and then get Rikishi to do this as a backup plan? And Bischoff just saw the massive Samoan “woman” and had NO QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS??? Anyway Rikishi and Stephanie dance as Cole says “Stephanie rocks!” and Tazz says this is the funniest thing he’s ever seen.

The other major problem here: even though Stephanie’s team lost, she gets her revenge in all of an hour and a half. This is after she had the wedding go bad and got revenge for that four days later on the next show. If WWE wants her to be this major hero who stands up for the people, it might help if she was in distress for more than a week at one point or another. She’s always got the answer to everything, making it feel more like a sitcom than a show I’m supposed to believe is real.

We recap Undertaker vs. Lesnar with the music video treatment. Basically Undertaker has been around forever but has never faced anything like this. Lesnar is undefeated but never gotten beaten up before.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

Lesnar is defending. We start with the big power lockup with Undertaker shoving Lesnar all the way out to the floor. It happens again so Lesnar kicks the steps while Heyman does some coaching. Back in and Brock starts kicking him into the corner, only to get caught with Old School.

Heyman gets kicked off the apron but the distraction lets Lesnar drive Undertaker into the corner to take over. A hard powerslam stays on Undertaker’s ribs and it’s off to a waistlock to keep up the focused attack. Undertaker sends him outside but Heyman is right there with the distraction so Lesnar can get in a belt shot to take over again, drawing some blood in the process. Back in and Undertaker boots him in the face twice in a row for two straight near falls.

We get a ref bump and OF COURSE Undertaker hits the chokeslam a second later for no count. Cue Matt Hardy to take a quick Last Ride but Brock scores with the spinebuster for two. The ref gets bumped a second time (now that’s just excessive) so Heyman throws in a chair which is kicked straight into Lesnar’s face. Two big chair shots to the head put Lesnar on the floor as Brock is busted too. Back in and both finishers are countered so they brawl into the corner, giving us a third ref bump (same ref too) for the REALLY lame double DQ.

Rating: D. There was a good power brawl buried underneath the ref bumps, the chair and the pretty worthless Matt Hardy cameo. Then there’s the ending, which doesn’t do anyone any favors and is clearly only there because Undertaker didn’t want to do the job. Just too much stuff messing up what should have been an F5 for the pin but that’s not how Undertaker rolls around here.

Undertaker throws him through the set to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s good and bad stuff on here but unfortunately the bad stuff is also the important stuff and that’s not something you can get around. The two World Title matches were both big misses and that’s too much for a great Benoit vs. Angle match and a strong Eddie vs. Edge match to overcome, especially when you add in the whole Stephanie vs. Eric thing.

Like it or not, that’s the biggest story in the company right now: the battling general managers. They’re supposed to be fighting over brand supremacy but no one has given us a reason to care about either brand in particular. Then again that never stopped anyone from running with an idea before and it seems that we’re going to be stuck with this one for a good while to come. It’s all about the big angle and if people don’t like it, that’s just too bad. There’s enough strong stuff on here but it really needs some major editing and re-writes to make it a good show.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 16, 2002
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Unforgiven and that means a lot more from HHH and his REALLY COOL SLEEPER. Yes HHH is currently trying to get the sleeper over as a finisher in 2002 and….well he’s probably not wondering why people are booing him because he probably doesn’t notice. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Stephanie McMahon marrying a Justice of the Peace until the Justice ripped his face off to turn into Eric Bischoff, who I guess became the new groom. 3 Minute Warning came in and destroyed the bride. Billy and Chuck are never mentioned.

Bischoff is sitting in the dark to start and says you might know him from shows like Raw and Smackdown. He brings out Rico as the newest member of the Raw roster and gives him a match against Ric Flair as a thank you for last week’s work. Also tonight, the Intercontinental Title and World Title will be on the line because this is the best wrestling show in the world.

Opening sequence.

Here’s HHH for the real opening speech. The champ laughs off the idea that he’s going to lose the title to Rob Van Dam because Van Dam got lucky with one single frog splash. HHH gets sick of the fans booing him but here’s Van Dam to interrupt. Rob talks about all the negative energy coming off HHH which is over all of the cool moves Van Dam does.

That earns Rob the big serious lecture about how HHH uses his anger to keep the World Title where it belongs. Rob is quite taken by the way HHH displays his abilities. No one can deny that HHH can spit some water at another level. HHH calls Rob an underachiever who isn’t going to amount to anything in this business and will never be a World Champion.

Van Dam doesn’t seem to mind because the fans keep chanting for him. HHH misses a swing and gets kicked to the floor to FINALLY wrap this up. This made Van Dam vs. HHH seem more like a joke than a pay per view title match and that’s not good for the first major defense of a new title.

The International Organization of Women is protesting this show.

Ric Flair vs. Rico

Flair trips him to the mat to start and drops the knee for two. A few headlocks have the sideburns all roughed up so he kicks Flair in the chest. Rico runs into the elbow in the corner though and tries to grab a chair, earning himself a suplex. Ric makes the mistake of kicking the chair to the floor and walks into a big spinning kick for the pin (ignore Flair’s hand being on the ropes) and the huge upset.

Rating: D+. Nothing to the match but this is EXACTLY the kind of thing they need to be doing: throw new talent against the wall and see what works. I doubt Rico is going to light the world on fire but it’s better than trotting out the same tired old acts and wondering why none of them work anymore.

Booker isn’t worried about facing Test tonight, even if it’s a French test. Yes he speaks French and promises to pass that test tonight.

The protesters get to the gate but get turned away.

Booker T. vs. Test

During the entrances we hear about Bradshaw tearing his bicep and being put out 4-6 months (it was six, plus three months in OVW). Test jumps him to start as we actually hear about the two of them being former Tag Team Champions. A side slam gets two on Booker and we hit the armbar.

Booker makes his comeback with chops and a very slow motion spinebuster but the ax kick misses. A missile dropkick connects for two and Test gets the same off a pumphandle slam, giving us one heck of a shocked face. Booker uses a hurricanrana of all things to take Test down, setting up the spinning sunset flip out of the corner for the pin.

Rating: C-. Booker winning is the right call as his star continues to rise. Unfortunately it wasn’t the most technically sound match in the world as they looked a bit sloppy out there. Granted most of that is probably on Test whose whole thing was a big boot and pumphandle powerslam. Some of those near falls were good though.

Flair is depressed so here’s HHH (of course) to yell at him and call him pathetic. Ric yells back about how the title should be more important.

The protesters want to talk to Bischoff.

Tag Team Titles: Un-Americans vs. Dudley Boyz

Bubba and Spike are challenging. Storm headlocks Bubba to start as we’re already hearing about tables. A clothesline from the apron puts the champs in control….and Lance goes for a table. Of course it’s too early for that so Lance powerslams Spike for two instead. Some rib work keeps Spike in trouble until he grabs a headscissors. The referee doesn’t see the tag though (I love that spot) and it’s off to a chinlock.

Storm comes back in but eats a dropkick, allowing the hot tag to Bubba. Everything breaks down with Spike playing D-Von on What’s Up, only to have Bubba eat a superkick. The referee checks on him for no apparent reason, leaving Spike to take a double powerbomb through the table. Now the referee checks on Spike so there’s no count off a Bubba Bomb to Christian. With Bubba having to deal with Storm, Christian grabs a rollup to retain.

Rating: C. It was certainly eventful but that doesn’t mean it was the most interesting match in the world. The Un-Americans have hit their ceiling and it’s time for a popular team like Goldust and Booker to get the belts already. When I say “a team like” them, I mean only them as there’s no such thing as a division at this point.

Bischoff gives Chris Jericho the Intercontinental Title match. He’d also be happy to meet with the protesters because he has a few minutes free.

Spike is put on an ambulance when HHH comes up to smirk at Bubba.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho

Van Dam is defending and cuts off a running Jericho with a spinwheel kick. In your moment that tells you this show is scripted of the week, JR says that if Bischoff speaks to the protestors, the Women’s Title match is canceled. You know, because we couldn’t possibly have that happen in any other time slot and no two things can happen in the same time frame.

Jericho escapes a catapult but gets dropkicked out of the air for his troubles. The champ takes a bit too long going up top though and gets butterfly superplexed back down for no cover. Instead Jericho starts kicking away at the back, followed by a pair of backbreakers to make it even worse.

It’s off to a bow and arrow submission as Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth. Van Dam quickly escapes and gets two off Rolling Thunder. The stepover kick to the face looks to set up the Five Star but here’s HHH (fourth appearance tonight) so Rob dives onto him instead. The distraction lets Jericho grab the Walls and Rob actually taps to give Jericho the title.

Rating: C+. There wasn’t exactly a ton of heat on this one but it helps set up the pay per view and helps us avoid the almost always stupid champion vs. champion matchup. Van Dam tapping clean(ish) was very surprising but I’ll take it over another rollup or anything like that. Nothing great but at least it advanced the story.

Van Dam takes a Pedigree post match, just in case you thought the new champion should be the focus here.

The protesters get to wait in a room and one is clearly Stephanie in disguise.

Bischoff is going to meet the women but runs into a celebrating Jericho. Chris wants to avenge himself against Ric Flair so Bischoff makes an Intercontinental Title match for Sunday. Jericho is pleased.

William Regal is ready for Kane and has the Un-Americans on standby.

Video on Jeff Hardy.

Kane vs. William Regal

An Un-Americans distraction lets Regal get in a few cheap shots, including a series of forearms in the corner. Kane gets the side slam so Regal goes for the knuckles. Not that it matters as Test comes in to break up the chokeslam for the DQ.

Bubba Ray, Booker T. and Goldust make the post match save. A challenge is issued and accepted for an eight man tag on Sunday.

Bischoff is in the ring and calls the protesters down for a chat. They chant IOW (I’m assuming a National Organization for Women parody) and the spokeswoman complains about Bischoff exploiting women in a variety of ways, capped off by HLA. Now guess what the fans are chanting for. Bischoff thinks everyone in the ring with him is a lesbian and suggests some HLA right now.

That goes nowhere so the one who is clearly Stephanie in disguise reveals herself to be Stephanie in disguise (to be fair they did a decent job at not keeping the camera on her for too long but it was the obvious payoff) by kicking Bischoff low and talking trash. Billy and Chuck hit the ring for a modified Doomsday Device (as opposed to just punching and kicking him a lot) and fight off 3 Minute Warning as the announcers and fans have no idea who to cheer for.

I mean, I guess Bischoff is….or is it Steph…..I really have no idea. Billy and Chuck should be heels for faking the whole wedding and they were invading here but they were beating up the heel who might be a face because Raw and Smackdown apparently have their own sets of fans. It REALLY shouldn’t be this complicated but I’m sure at the end of the day we’re supposed to be cheering for Stephanie and company while forgetting the rest of the story all together.

Post match Bischoff is in pain and suggests an “intercontinental” match for Sunday between the two teams. If Billy and Chuck win, Bischoff will, ahem, kiss up to Stephanie in the middle of the ring. If 3 Minute Warning wins though, Stephanie has to perform HLA. In other words: it’s all about Bischoff and Stephanie, but more Stephanie of course.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. ???

HHH is defending against….someone who will be revealed in a minute as Van Dam comes out and jumps HHH, busting him open before the announcement. Security literally drags Rob away and it’s Jeff Hardy getting the title shot. At least Hardy is smart enough to go straight at the champ while he’s rocked. I wouldn’t have expected that from him.

The legdrop between the legs has HHH in trouble but he shoves Jeff outside to break the momentum. Back in and Jeff goes into the post but comes back with a Twist of Fate and Swanton, only to have HHH get his boot on the ropes. HHH grabs the sleeper to retain the title because he actually sees that as a main event finisher.

Rating: D+. This was just there and there was no drama in the whole thing. Hardy was in over his head and it was a waste of time to have the match wrapping up the show. Of course HHH had to have another segment though and that’s how the show gets to end. I was sick of seeing him about thirty minutes into the show but he gets to put Hardy to sleep after surviving his finisher. What a great guy.

Van Dam comes back for the Five Star to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The show was going along well enough but that Eric vs. Stephanie segment just crippled anything they had going. It’s forced, it doesn’t make sense and the wrestling is being built around some monsters vs. Billy and Chuck. Other than that there’s the rather uninteresting HHH vs. Van Dam feud which is the first title feud that fills in time with no chance for a title change but we get to sit through it anyway. At least Van Dam will get to put HHH over on Sunday though and that’s the important part.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 9, 2002
Location: Hilton Coliseum, Ames, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So there’s a new World Champion and that means we get to hear about how amazing HHH really is. That’s been the case around here for a long time but you can feel it cranking into a much higher level around this point. We’re a few weeks away from Unforgiven and the only match that seems to be coming up is HHH vs. Rob Van Dam for the title. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Un-Americans vs. Kane/Bradshaw

Lance Storm and Christian are defending after another failed flag burning last week. After the standard AMERICA ROCKS speech from Bradshaw, the brawl is on in a hurry. Bradshaw shoulders Storm all the way out to the floor and it’s off to Kane for some right hands of his own. Christian comes in and takes just as much of a beating as this is one sided, just as it probably should be to start.

Kane’s side slam gets two on Christian but a Canadian crotching against the post lets the champs take over for the first time. Ah so it’s one of those matches where low blows work on Kane. You never know how that’s going to work. The fans think Canada sucks (racists) but a hot tag to Bradshaw makes them a bit happier.

House is cleaned with one heck of a powerbomb on Christian and Kane’s top rope clothesline to Storm. The ref gets bumped though and here’s Test with the big boot to Kane. Bradshaw makes the save but William Regal comes in to knock him out with the Power of the Punch, giving Christian the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. This was better than it had any right to be but the ending really dragged it down a bit. They didn’t need to have new champions here but just have Regal or Test instead of both of them. I was surprised by the action here though and that’s how Raw should start: a fun match instead of a long talking segment.

Speaking of a talking segment, here’s Eric Bischoff to announce a four way for the #1 contendership with Jeff Hardy vs. Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho. That brings us to Smackdown and Stephanie (you knew that was coming) with this week’s commitment ceremony getting publicity in the New York Times, the New York Post and ESPN. Bischoff has his own idea though: HLA, Hot Lesbian Action. As my head hurts, I can kind of appreciate them for not hiding what they’re going for. They’re just flat out admitting that the women are sex objects, which I can take over a horrible attempt at “wrestling”.

Chris Jericho eats an apple and says he has a plan to get the World Title back. This means apple being spit on Terri.

HHH doesn’t care who he faces for the title at the pay per view. Cue Bubba Ray Dudley to accuse HHH of being a coward and can’t wait to see HHH vs. Spike Dudley tonight. Steven Richards, Bubba’s opponent for tonight, jumps him from behind as I wonder why Bubba is the one getting this push.

Terri and Trish Stratus walk past the lesbians’ dressing room, which has an actual “LESBIANS” sign on the door. They’re not exactly subtle here.

Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Steven Richards

Bubba charges down the ramp to jump him from behind and it’s time for some early elbow drops. The fans want tables as Lawler plays Who’s The Lesbian. Richards comes back with a forearm and a swinging neckbreaker, only to have Bubba hit a surprisingly good looking sunset flip for two of his own. The Flip, Flop and Fly actually gets Jerry’s mind off the lesbians for a change but Richards gets two off a superkick (and a very strong pop). Steven breaks up a super Bubba Bomb but can’t get out of a super sitout powerbomb for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a bit more energetic than I was expecting and that finish looked great. That being said, I’m not sure I can get behind the idea of a Bubba vs. HHH match. I know they’re building Bubba up fairly well but that doesn’t mean I want to see him have some long match way above his talent range. Just stop doing things that you aren’t ready to pull off, like separate titles.

Victoria/Stacy Keibler vs. Terri/Trish Stratus

Stacy, in black shorts and a matching tied off top, sends Lawler even further over the edge. Terri and Stacy catfight to the floor and it’s time for a lot of slapping. Lawler: “Oh they like it rough.” Victoria and Terri (oh dear) start things off with Terri getting slammed for an elbow drop. Stacy does her long legged choke in the corner as Lawler has binoculars. JR has just about had it here and I can’t say I blame him.

Terri slips out of an over the shoulder backbreaker and some heel miscommunication goes nowhere because Terri isn’t smart enough to make a hot tag. Thankfully it’s off to Trish thanks to a missed moonsault so we actually get a little wrestling. It’s back to Stacy for the awkward looking kicks but Trish easily knocks them both silly. Terri hits a high crossbody to put Stacy away.

Rating: D-. What exactly is there to say here? The wrestling only existed when Trish and Victoria were in there, which of course was the smallest percentage of the match. I can’t stand this nonsense and it’s not fair to people who have the ability to work a decent match. Why do we need Stacy and Terri in there other than for eye candy? I mean…..I just answered my own question.

Jerry is disappointed in the lack of HLA and you can hear JR getting more and more annoyed.

Regal dumps Christopher Nowinski to join the Un-Americans. Chris talks about HLA and Regal slaps him in the face because Chris is an embarrassment. Preach it brother.

Here’s Nowinski with something to say, including a few jabs at Iowa State’s football team. Back at Harvard they have a chant: “Five, ten, fifteen bucks. We’ll own the company, you’ll drive the trucks.” Cue Tommy Dreamer with offers of Singapore cane shots, triggering a brawl with Dreamer getting the better of it. Nothing to see here though Nowinski was kind of funny.

Spike runs into the Lesbians and really doesn’t care. Again I say, preach it brother.

HHH vs. Spike Dudley

Non-title. Spike wants nothing to do with a handshake and it’s time to fight over wrist control. A rollup annoys HHH so he slaps Spike in the face. Spike slaps him right back so Lawler calls him a pervert. Those running forearms drop HHH as you can feel the attempts at HHH vs. Taka Michinoku from 2000.

Back in and Spike charges into a boot, followed by a few backbreakers. The third is countered into a headscissors though and Spike hits a dive to the floor. Back in again and HHH clotheslines him out of the air with Lawler blaming thoughts of hot lesbian action for Spike’s issues. The Pedigree gets no cover so Spike gets in a low blow, followed by the Dudley Dog for two. Another Dudley Dog is blocked though and HHH grabs a sleeper of all things for the win, drawing a weird face pop in the process.

Rating: D+. They tried here but there’s only so much that can be done with Spike Dudley vs. the World Champion. On top of that, what in the world was the point in finishing with a sleeper? Are we really supposed to buy the idea of a sleeper as a main event finisher? I know HHH fancies himself as a huge old school style star but come on now.

HHH keeps stomping until Bubba comes out for the save.

Jeff Hardy is talking about his main event tonight when he sees Bischoff and goes to yell about next week. Why Jeff just suddenly saw him when it looks like Bischoff has been standing there for awhile and Jeff was looking in the same direction the whole time isn’t clear. Jeff threatens violence if there’s another 3 Minute Warning.

Chris Jericho offers Big Show a deal and leaves. Johnny the Bull of all people comes in and hears about Jericho’s offer of an alliance, complete with the statistics to go with it. Johnny thinks it’s a good idea and gets thrown into a chair.

Booker is ready to face the Un-Americans tonight when Goldust comes up wearing a Kane mask. Of course the real Kane comes up and comedy ensues. Since it’s Booker and Goldust though, it’s actually funny. Bradshaw comes up and tells them to go beat up the Un-Americans, but first let’s watch the HLA. Goldust is aghast but Kane says he’ll go.

Booker T./Goldust vs. William Regal/Test

Test knocks Booker into the corner to start so it’s off to Goldust for a hip attack on Regal. That’s about it for the offense as Test stomps Goldust down in the corner before Regal adds in a few knee shots to the head. Goldust’s clothesline allows the hot tag off to Booker for the house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Regal gets in the Power of the Punch, only to have Kane and Bradshaw come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but I’m sure the fans will have fun chanting USA for most of the time. Despite not being the strongest team in the world, the Un-Americans will be fine enough for a midcard act for the next few months. I’m not sure if Bradshaw and Kane are the best options for opponents but at least we’re getting some entertaining promos.

It’s HLA time with Bischoff moderating. Bad acting ensues, there’s a bit of stripping and a kiss before 3 Minute Warning comes in for the obvious finish. So to clarify: Bischoff teasing us with HLA is a heel move but Stephanie not delivering a fake gay wedding is going to make her the big face. That’s how WWE works here and it’s really rather confusing.

Ric Flair gives Rob Van Dam a pep talk.

Rob Van Dam vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho

Non-title and under elimination rules. Show beats on Van Dam in the corner to start while Jeff is backdropped to the floor. Poetry in Motion fails completely and Show tosses Van Dam down as well. Back in and Rob teams up with Jeff to put Show down but the Swanton only gets two.

Rolling Thunder gets the same with Rob being launched onto the referee. Jericho cleans house with a chair but Show takes it away and Jericho teases getting hit….for a DQ. You mean Big Show can’t take a Swanton for a pin in a nothing four way elimination match and has to get disqualified instead? Seriously?

We take a break and come back with Van Dam diving onto Jericho, followed by Hardy running the barricade for the double clothesline. A double springboard moonsault gets two on Chris and a double superplex makes it even worse for him. The good guys follow it up with a double springboard leg lariat to put Chris outside. With the Canadian gone, Van Dam DDT’s Jeff for two but Jericho breaks up the Swanton and steals the pin.

Van Dam is right back up with a spinning kick to Jericho’s face but he gets caught in one heck of a release German suplex. Back up and Jericho posts himself in the corner but manages to remove a turnbuckle pad. Rolling Thunder hits knees to give Chris two more and the Lionsault is good for yet another near fall. Cue HHH to watch as Van Dam sends Chris into the buckle and drops the Five Star to go to Unforgiven.

Rating: B. It’s like Wrestlemania XVI all over again: once you get rid of Big Show, the match gets a lot better in a hurry. The key thing here is Van Dam winning as he was supposed to and getting the pin for the final victory. It makes him look like a bigger deal because just being the Intercontinental Champion doesn’t mean much around here. I mean, was his title pulled out of a briefcase just a week ago?

Overall Rating: D+. While the main event is good, it’s not enough to pull a lot of this show up out of the muck. As usual, the biggest problem around here is the one joke dominating the whole thing. That HLA segment was as pandering as you could get and that’s not the way I like my wrestling shows. There’s some good stuff here but the big problems are too much for it to overcome.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 2, 2002
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So uh, we don’t have a World Champion around here anymore because Brock Lesnar is the second latest casualty of the Brand Wars. The latest casualty is the Undertaker, who went back to Smackdown when Stephanie basically just told him to come because that’s how this era works. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to open things up and he’s got a briefcase. Bischoff gets right to the point: Raw needs a champion so here’s the REAL #1 contender: HHH. Eric praises HHH by saying WCW would have won the Monday Night Wars with HHH on their side. HHH takes credit for running Lesnar off and says his wife knew what was best for the company (Wouldn’t that be signing HHH?).

It’s time for the briefcase which contains the Big Gold Belt because HHH is the brand new World Heavyweight Champion (Thereby beginning its lineage. I’ve heard people say it’s the same lineage as the WCW and/or NWA World Titles and it’s still nonsense. This belt began here and that’s all there is to it.).

HHH starts in on the big speech and here’s Ric Flair to cut him off. No one ever handed him a title in a briefcase (True. When Kevin Nash literally gave him the title for reign #16, there was no briefcase involved.) so Flair thinks he should get a title shot tonight. Bischoff makes the match and both guys say it’s going to be an honor. Are we in TNA all of a sudden? HHH gets in a cheap shot before leaving.

Post break, HHH and Bubba Ray Dudley run into each other and Bubba is declared jealous. HHH talks about how Bubba could be champion one day. Bubba isn’t pleased and calls the belt Raw’s salvation before saying he’ll win the title soon enough. Uh, right.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly/Christopher Nowinski

Tables match. Earlier today, Chris said that after their opponents are put through tables, he’ll burst through something else. I’ll quote the following line: “And by that, I mean Molly’s hymen.” What is with these disturbing stories involving Molly? First she’s fat (not really but whatever), then she’s horrible because she’s a virgin and now it’s about taking her virginity. I know they need characters but this is ridiculous.

The guys start with Nowinski actually taking over before it’s off to Molly. That means a failed powerbomb attempt as Molly grabs a waistlock. King: “What’s that? The hymen maneuver?” It leads to some dancing as Molly’s pointless humiliation continues. I speak too soon as Bully takes her pants down (King: “IS THAT HER HYMEN???”), allowing Trish to get in a few spanks.

A WE WANT PUPPIES chant starts up as Molly gets in a neckbreaker, only to have Trish grab her own to put both women down. Bubba comes in and cleans Nowinski’s clock, giving us the “Chris falls into Molly’s crotch” spot. Chris takes What’s Up and it’s finally table time. The Molly Go Round drops Trish but Bubba saves her from the table. Nowinski misses a splash to drive himself through a table and that counts as an elimination, likely as the referee wants this to end. Molly is sent through to finally end this.

Rating: No. In every possible sense of the word, no. This wasn’t funny, this wasn’t amusing, this wasn’t something that belongs on any wrestling show ever. Just imagine someone saying ANY of these jokes on a wrestling show today and think how long they would last before being fired. This was horrible and I feel so sorry for Molly having to deal with this nonsense.

Christian and Lance Storm don’t think much of American pride or Kane for that matter either. Storm laughs off the idea of such a fat country celebrating Labor Day. Test teases more flag burning.

Bischoff gives Terri and Stacy a lingerie pillow fight. Eric gets a preview of their attire and makes various jokes.

Chris Jericho yells at Flair for getting the title shot but Ric brings up Jericho tapping out at Summerslam. Jericho hopes Flair wins so he can get the title back. These two have good chemistry together.

William Regal vs. Booker T.

Regal slugs away to start but King wants to talk about the pillow fight. Booker’s right hands don’t have much effect as Regal knocks him to the floor. Back in and the Regal Cutter gets two, only to get caught by Booker’s collection of kicks for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well…it could have been worse. The problem here is that there’s no real reason to have the match but at least the right guy won. Regal hasn’t been doing anything of note in recent weeks but Booker is getting more and more over every week. I mean, it would be nice if they went somewhere with that (say, across a few continents, like something INTERCONTINENTAL, but that’s just nonsense of course) but for now it’s just Spinaroonis all around.

Booker does the Spinarooni.

We look back at Shawn Michaels winning at Summerslam but getting attacked by HHH.

Shawn is in a wheelchair and doesn’t know if he’ll ever get his mobility back (though he does have feeling in his legs). What he does know is that it was all worth it and as far as HHH goes, what goes around comes around. Shawn picks up a sledgehammer and stares.

HHH is rubbing the title and smiling way too much.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Ric Flair

HHH is defending of course. Flair quickly takes him down so we can hit the technical sequence. One heck of a chop sends HHH to the floor before it’s time to work on the arm for a bit. The technical, which means boring here, pace continues as HHH stomps in the corner and whips Flair over the corner and out to the floor.

HHH cranks up the speed with a suplex so Flair gives him a belly to back version. The kneedrop misses and HHH very, VERY slowly starts working on it but makes sure to walk around a bit in between. The Figure Four is countered into a small package for two on HHH, followed by an Irish whip into a chop. I’m still waiting on them to top that suplex.

A very basic whip into the corner sets up a way too big bump over the corner to send HHH to the floor. Back in and the shinbreaker sets up the Figure Four but HHH makes the ropes. The referee is sent to the floor, low blow, Pedigree and the title is retained. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D-. I can accept the idea of a slower paced match but this felt like two seventy year olds who were on a reunion show. I’m sure HHH had a blast wrestling a rather old school style match against Flair but isn’t one big present enough in one night? HHH can be entertaining but this was taking everything that made him work (as a heel that is) and putting it in slow motion.

Post match Jericho comes out to put Flair in the Walls but Rob Van Dam makes a save.

Big Show yells at Bischoff, demanding to be #1 contender. Bischoff says go impress him and Show leaves. Eric gets a call and yells in his exposition voice that someone is jumping from Raw to join a family member on Smackdown.

Kane vs. Lance Storm/Christian

Kane shrugs off a double team and throws Storm at Christian for the early advantage. The slow (WAY too common of a theme tonight) pace begins again with Kane getting beaten down in the corner, allowing some cheap double teaming to put him down for two. The Unprettier is broken up and an electric chair puts Christian down. Kane’s comeback is cut off by even more double teaming as this is just BORING. How can you have three talented guys putting on such an uninteresting match? Storm superkicks Christian by mistake and it’s a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. The Tag Team Champions, as in the ONLY Tag Team Champions in the company, just got beat clean in less than six minutes by someone who hasn’t had a match in four months. Normally I would call this an issue of the era but champions losing will always be an issue in WWE.

Post match Test tries to burn the flag but Bradshaw returns for the save. Oh. Great.

Big Show vs. Tommy Dreamer

Show throws him around with ease, then throws him around with no effort, followed by throwing him around like he’s nothing. The referee tells him not to use a chair though so Dreamer uses it and Show wins via DQ.

Dreamer beats the heck out of Show because we’re to the point where TOMMY DREAMER might be an option.

HHH wants to fight RVD tonight (HHH? Wanting to have three major segments on one show? You don’t say!) so Bischoff makes a tag with HHH/Jericho vs. Flair/Van Dam. At least Jericho and HHH argue to keep up some continuity.

Jeff Hardy vs. Crash

…..Crash is the one jumping isn’t he? This show has been so bad and so dull that it would be the only possible choice. Bischoff comes out before the bell and accuses Jeff of being the jumper so he sends out 3 Minute Warning for the big beatdown.

Jeff gets destroyed and OF COURSE CRASH IS THE ONE LEAVING. Bischoff is shocked because someone whose last (non-instant Hardcore Title match) win on Raw was in June 2001 is jumping to Raw.

Stacy Keibler vs. Terri

There’s a carpet, bed and pillows in the ring with Jerry Lawler doing running commentary. There’s spanking, stuffed animals, a slam onto a bed, a Bronco Buster and a rollup gives Terri the pin in less than two minutes. Holy sweet goodness END THIS SHOW ALREADY.

Post match Stacy hits her with a loaded pillow and covers her with a bucket of oil, which just happened to be underneath the ring. Feathering ensues. I’m so glad they had Stacy stop being the sexy assistant (as in the role she was born to play) to be….whatever this is.

HHH/Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam/Ric Flair

Van Dam goes after the heels before Flair can come out for no apparent reason, meaning Ric gets to make the save. We settle down to Jericho suplexing Van Dam for two so Lawler starts talking about the hymen again. Flair struts in as we hit the WOO before Jericho easily drops him. HHH gets in some right hands of his own but Jericho crotches himself, allowing the hot tag off to Van Dam.

One heck of a chair shot drops Rob but the fans are too busy chanting FOZZY SUCKS. Van Dam takes every main event tag team beating that you’ve ever seen in about three minutes until HHH throws Flair to the floor. Rob comes back with a few kicks to HHH but Jericho breaks up the Five Star. The Lionsault gives HHH two and Flair puts Jericho in the Figure Four on the outside. That allows HHH to bring in the title and very blatantly hold it up for the Van Daminator. The Five Star puts HHH away.

Rating: D+. See? He puts people over! All it took was a belt shot and Van Dam being fresh while HHH was in his second match. The match wasn’t half bad actually and sets up the title shot, but it’s WAY too late to save this show, especially with a match that wasn’t all that great in the first place.

Overall Rating: F. This was horrible and I have no idea how else to describe it. Between making jokes about taking Molly’s virginity and King going on and on about her various body parts to HHH taking his sweet time getting the World Title to the AWFUL Flair vs. HHH match to the pillow fight to a story about Crash freaking Holly (good thing he was on the show tonight) to the Tag Team Champions doing a clean job, I can’t think of a single good thing on this show. I’ll give Bischoff this much: I feel like I’m watching Nitro more and more every single week.

This show got as close to breaking me as anything has in a good while. It felt like there was no effort being put in here other than to amuse the people who put it together while making HHH into the most boring top star in history. I really could not stand this show and if this is where we’re going for the next several months, they’re in a lot of trouble.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 26, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Summerslam and that means a lot of things have changed. To begin with, Shawn Michaels shocked the world and beat HHH in one heck of a street fight. Other than that, Brock Lesnar is the new WWE World Champion but is exclusively signed to Smackdown. It’s not clear if that’s going to mean we need something new around here for HHH to likely dominate. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to open up “his” Monday Night Raw. Tonight we’re going to combine the Hardcore Title with the Intercontinental Title which is probably best for everyone. On top of that, we’re going to have a special Lifetime Achievement Award for a member of the WWE Hall of Fame.

As for right now though, Bischoff brings out Brock and Heyman for a chat. The fans are happy when Lesnar comes out but cut Paul off with the ROCKY chants. Heyman finally gets to talk and says every legacy before Lesnar’s doesn’t matter, including Hulk Hogan and Bruno Sammartino. Enough of that though as Paul goes into a glorious rant about how no one believed him when he promised that Lesnar would do all this. Lesnar brags about being twenty five years old….and here’s HHH to Shawn’s music because THIS NEEDS TO BE ABOUT HIM.

That’s the last time you’ll ever hear Shawn’s horrible music because HHH has gotten rid of him for good. As for right now though, Lesnar only has that title because HHH softened Rock up for him. HHH wants a title shot but here’s Undertaker to cut them both off. Undertaker wants the first shot at the young pup and the fight is on. Lesnar gets knocked to the floor but HHH is allowed to leave mostly unscathed. WAY too much non-Lesnar here but we all need more HHH in our lives.

Booker T. vs. Christian

After what looks like a quickly fixed lighting problem, Booker hammers away until a reverse DDT onto the knee puts him down. A chinlock sets up some choking until Booker pops up with the spinning sunset flip out of the corner for two. Goldust and Lance Storm get in a fight (of course) and it’s the scissors kick for the pin on Christian.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here to keep the Tag Team Title feud going, though I’m not sure what they’re waiting on at this point. It’s not like the Un-Americans are all that interesting as heels or champions so just let them lose the belts already to an interesting team. Booker is getting hotter and hotter every week, which almost guarantees his imminent destruction.

The WWE was in New York for the Smackdown Your Vote campaign.

Test has plans for the American flag tonight. This isn’t likely to end well.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley vs. Christopher Nowinski/William Regal

The villains have Molly Holly in their corner due to one heck of a horribly acted segment between Chris and Molly. Bubba side slams Chris to start and Spike adds a top rope stomp (that always looks so painful) for no cover. Chris pops back up and distracts the referee so Spike can get crotched against the post. The beating doesn’t last long as Spike gets up and tags Bubba so everything can break down. What’s Up hits Molly and it’s table time. That goes nowhere so it’s the Bubba Bomb to end Regal.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here as I didn’t know this story was still going. Are we really supposed to be interested in Nowinski wanting to sleep with Molly? It’s the start of a character at least but Nowinski really isn’t the most interesting guy in the world no matter what. At least it’s better than making fun of Molly’s weight.

Post match Nowinski saves Molly from the table.

Bischoff tells the guest to come out when Eric says.

Molly thanks Chris and offers to help him if need be.

Apparently that would be after the break as Bischoff brings out Jimmy Snuka. Highlight package, Bischoff cuts him off, 3 Minute Warning, JR is aghast. Chris Jericho comes out and puts Snuka in the Walls of Jericho and tells the has been to get out of the ring. Who would guess that we would see something similar at Wrestlemania one day? Jericho shows us some clips from last night and claims that he made Flair tap out. Since Fozzy’s concert was cut off last week, Jericho belts out his own version of New York, New York.

Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy

Jericho knocks him around to start until Jeff gets in a dropkick of his own to take over for a bit. Lawler talks about a tuxedo vs. evening gown match later tonight as Jeff sends Jericho outside for a big dive off the top. The dive off the apron is countered into a powerslam (cool looking spot) and Jericho starts choking with Jeff’s shirt.

A missed dropkick has Jeff in even more trouble (it might help if he did something other than throw dropkicks) so we hit the abdominal stretch. This isn’t exactly burning up the mat so far. When the hold goes nowhere, Jericho heads up top but gets dropkicked out of the air. Even that’s not enough to pop the crowd very strongly but the Whisper in the Wind does a bit better. The Swanton is good for two as Jericho grabs the rope. Jericho grabs the Walls and Hardy grabs the rope, only to have Jericho refuse to break for the DQ.

Rating: D+. These two are capable of doing so much better and I’m not sure why they were this dull here. I don’t know if Jeff is just done or if Jericho’s stuff with the submissions isn’t working but I don’t know how you go from good last night to a near disaster just a day later. Maybe it’s a bad night but this was a big disappointment.

Brock doesn’t care who wins tonight.

Test wants to burn the American flag. After a break, here are the Un-Americans with Test carrying a blowtorch. Kane’s pyro goes off but Booker and Goldust make the save instead. The Texans are cleaned out and it’s Kane (with a new half mask) coming in for the real save. So we owe one to Spain. Make that two as we get a Kane-A-Rooni.

Intercontinental Title: Tommy Dreamer vs. Rob Van Dam

Officially this is a unification match but the Hardcore Title is done no matter what so I guess it’s not on the line. This is however under hardcore rules so Dreamer has a bit of an advantage. They shake hands and we’re ready to go. We actually start with some technical stuff until Dreamer dropkicks him in the face to take over.

It’s time for the first kendo stick and a White Russian legsweep gets two on Rob. They head outside with a ladder being bridged between the ring and the barricade. Dreamer hits a quick spinebuster but can’t suplex Rob onto the ladder. Instead Van Dam shoves him face first into the ladder, setting up a kick off the ladder for two.

Back in and the DDT gives Dreamer two, followed by a middle rope elbow which only hits the ladder. Rolling Thunder onto the ladder onto Dreamer and Rob crotches him for a bonus. The dropkick drives a chair into Dreamer’s face and the Five Star gets rid of the Hardcore Title for good.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match actually and it’s nice to see the division go out on a nice note instead of 18 people who never do anything else hitting a single weapon shot for a pin. I’m no Dreamer fan but it’s cool to see him having a good match in his element like this, even if he had no chance of winning.

Lillian Garcia vs. Howard Finkel

The winner is permanent ring announcer. It’s a tuxedo/evening gown match, meaning whoever is stripped first loses. Stacy Keibler comes out to keep an eye on Trish so Howard says she’s interfering with something in his trousers. JR: “Howard may get aroused!” Thankfully the fans boo this out of the building until Trish and Stacy object to Howard insulting blondes. Fink is stripped and Lillian wins. As you might expect, that just makes the fans hate the match even more.

HHH vs. Undertaker

The winner gets Lesnar at some point in the future. HHH jumps Undertaker as he gets off the bike and we’re ready to go in a hurry. They get inside with an early Pedigree attempt being blocked so Undertaker can hammer away in the corner. Old School gets two but HHH hits a jumping knee to the head. The very slow beating continues and we hit a HHH chinlock.

That shifts over to a sleeper in case we were going too fast for you. Back up and Undertaker hits him in the head a few times but the ref gets bumped. One of the worst big boots I’ve ever see (there was a good six inches between the boot and HHH’s face) sets up a chokeslam but here’s Lesnar for a distraction. HHH gets in a low blow and, after a belt shot from Lesnar, the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D. Boring match of course but that’s what you have to expect when two older guys get to be the focus instead of the new World Champion. This was really weak stuff from two guys who should be more than capable of doing something better. Lesnar felt like an afterthought here, which has been the case all night long.

Oh look: it’s Stephanie, who is all happy because she’s never allowed to lose any face. Lesnar is officially signed to Smackdown and the title is coming with him. So now she can change the rules of the Brand Split. Stephanie to Eric: “How do my peaches taste now?”

Overall Rating: D-. I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen two shows on back to back nights be such polar opposites. Last night was all about energy and entertainment while tonight was all about HHH vs. Undertaker and Stephanie vs. Bischoff with Lesnar being little more than a plot device in either. The best thing on the show was Dreamer vs. Van Dam while the rest was spent on stuff they knew wasn’t going to be interesting while having almost no focus on anything that mattered. In other words, it’s back to what Raw has been doing in recent months.

 

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Summerslam 2002
Date: August 25, 2002
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 14,797
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Jim Ross

It’s very rare that a Summerslam is the biggest show of the year but that might be the case in 2002. Wrestlemania XVIII was in a much bigger venue and had a much bigger top match but as far as a whole card goes from top to bottom, this might have it beaten. The big matches here are Brock Lesnar challenging the Rock for the Undisputed Title and HHH vs. Shawn Michaels in a grudge match with Shawn making his first in-ring appearance since 1998. Let’s get to it.

Not much of an opening video other than the theme song over shots of the crowd.

Opening sequence.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey showed Angle up recently and Kurt wants to prove that it’s just a fluke. Angle’s singlet looks like a barber pole and Rey sneaks in from behind with a springboard ankle scissors. The ankle lock goes on in less than thirty seconds but Rey sends him into the ropes with Kurt having to duck the 619.

A hard wheelbarrow suplex sends Rey hard onto the mat and one heck of a clothesline gives Angle two. Rey’s back is bent around the middle rope and Angle is getting a bit too cocky. A one legged Liontamer has Mysterio in even more trouble but a rollup gives him a fast two. Rey is certainly sticking around well enough so far.

That just ticks Angle off though and he throws Rey with a belly to belly. Kurt misses a charge though and goes sailing over the top but the referee won’t let Mysterio fly. That’s fine with Rey who flips OVER THE REFEREE to take Kurt down. The fans are losing their mind and Rey Dropping the Dime (springboard legdrop) for two makes them even worse. Now the 619 connects and the West Coast Pop is good for a VERY near fall. Rey puts him on top for a super hurricanrana but Angle slips out and grabs the ankle lock for the submission at 9:20.

Rating: A-. What a match. This is one of the best opening matches in company history as they just do not stop for the better part of ten minutes. It’s an outstanding performance with Rey getting his big breakout performance and Angle showing that he’s still one of the best in the world.

Stephanie McMahon brags about that match and tells a production guy to tell Eric Bischoff about it. She goes into her office and….there’s Eric, who seems to be sharing the office with her. I’m sure comedy and drama will ensue.

Ric Flair vs. Chris Jericho

Standard “you’re old and it’s my time so get out” feud with the required broken guitars to ruin a mid-show concert segment as well. This is actually Flair’s in-ring debut at Summerslam. Feeling out process to start and we hear about Jericho becoming the first ever Undisputed Champion. JR: “Not too many people can claim that.” Yeah Jim. I think it’s like, one or so.

Jericho misses an elbow drop and the chops start flying. They head outside with Jericho sending him into the barricade, followed by a middle rope dropkick for two back inside. Some suplexes stay on Flair’s back so you certainly can’t fault Jericho’s psychology. This time it’s Jericho taking too much time going up though and Flair slams him right back down.

The Walls are countered into a small package for two but Jericho goes extra evil by grabbing the Figure Four (I said evil, not original). In a creative save, Flair grabs the rope and then taps out, which means the hold is broken and the submission doesn’t count. The referee gets bumped and it’s a low blow into the Figure Four to make Jericho tap at 10:23.

Rating: C+. This was fine and while I’m not wild on having Flair go over Jericho, at least he lost in a good match to a dirty finish. If nothing else it could mean a whiny Jericho and that’s nothing but entertainment. Oh and Flair low blows are always worth checking out, just for how hard he hits those things.

Ad for a Hogan DVD.

Paul Heyman loves the idea of the Hogan DVD because it looks like they’re trying to squeeze out the final few dollars from his body after Lesnar destroyed him. Tonight, Lesnar destroys the Rock.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Apparently Eddie is mad that Edge fancies himself a sex symbol. I don’t really remember that being brought up on TV leading up to this match but maybe it was subtext. Eddie snaps the back of Edge’s neck across the top rope and takes over, only to get thrown across the ring.

Edge ties him up in the ropes and hits a spear but a second attempt misses to send the Canadian outside. That might mean a bad shoulder so Eddie sends him into the steps. Back to back DDT’s on the arm including one from the top get two on Edge and we hit a Kimura of all things.

It’s off to a crossface chickenwing and then a top wristlock which is a very good idea. I get so bored watching matches where we get the same hold over and over. There are so many holds that can be used on the same body part so mixing it up like this helps so much. Edge fights back with a one armed slam and a faceplant to send Eddie outside.

It doesn’t take two good arms to dive out to the floor so Edge takes Eddie out all over again. Back in and a super sitout gordbuster gives Edge two more, followed by the Edgecution for the same. Eddie goes right back to the shoulder but walks into the spear (more on that in a second) at 11:47.

Rating: B-. This was going to be much higher until that completely ridiculous ending. Eddie spent eleven minutes working on the arm and then Edge just uses the shoulder for the spear to end the match with nothing more than a flinch? There’s no excuse for that and Edge should know better.

The Un-Americans are ready to give the greedy Americans more. More of the Un-Americans that is.

Tag Team Titles: Goldust/Booker T. vs. Un-Americans

Lance Storm and Christian are defending. Goldust cleans house to start before it’s off to Booker, who JR describes as being “as Americana as Americana can be.” The Canadians are still reeling so Storm throws Goldust over the corner to take over, setting up some of those weird hopping stomps.

Christian gets two on a backbreaker, which JR says works on the back. Something like a Boss Man Slam gets Goldust out of trouble but Christian grabs a front facelock. As you might expect, that means a missed tag so Goldust has to catapult the champions into each other.

That’s STILL not enough for the tag though as the champs knock Booker off the apron, only to miss a Conchairto. The USA chant starts up and there’s the hot tag to Booker who scores with a missile dropkick on Christian. Storm hits the referee by mistake and both champions take the same ax kick. Cue Test to kick Booker’s head off, giving Christian the pin at 9:35.

Rating: C. The match was fine but the ending brought it down a good bit with the standard WWE style finish hurting things a lot. At least we had a good match to get there and the Un-Americans are still fine for heel champions. The Test stuff gets annoying but you had to know it was coming as soon as the ref went down.

There’s a Make Out with Nidia Contest at the World. We’re moving on before that sinks in.

Stephanie and Bischoff debate women’s place in wrestling. McMahon: “It’s like mine: ON TOP!” This turns into a discussion of the Intercontinental Title match and GOOD GRIEF Stephanie’s acting is somehow worse here.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

This is Raw vs. Smackdown and Benoit is defending. A kick to the leg sends Benoit outside but he comes back in and easily takes Van Dam down until Rob starts spinning around to escape. The release German suplex drops him again though and Benoit starts in on the neck to set up for the Crossface later on.

A Dynamite Kid snap suplex gets two on Van Dam but he avoids the Swan Dive. Chris does the same to the Five Star though and it’s time for the Crossface. The long legs get Van Dam over to the ropes so Benoit shoves him off the top and down onto the barricade for a crash. Benoit cranks on the arms for a bit and slams him head first into the mat to keep Van Dam in trouble.

It’s right back to the Crossface with Van Dam quickly breaking free, only to be sent shoulder first into the post. Some suplexes onto the arm make me realize that Eddie probably should have worked something other than the arm if Benoit, whose finisher is an arm hold, was going to do this.

Another Crossface is about to be broken so Benoit switches into a dragon sleeper of all things. That’s escaped as well and Van Dam’s hair is down in a very rare sight. Rolling Thunder gets two on Benoit but he’s able to crotch Rob on top. You don’t try a belly to back superplex on a high flier though as Rob crossbodies his way out, setting up the Five Star for the pin and the title at 16:22.

Rating: B. Sometimes you just need to have two talented guys go out there and have a match. The shoulder didn’t quite play into the finish but at least Van Dam’s finisher isn’t done with his arm. I liked this more than I was expecting to and that’s always a positive, especially on a show this stacked.

Bischoff gloats so Stephanie laughs at him. WELL OF COURSE SHE DOES! How dare we suggest that Stephanie not have some kind of ace up her sleeve? That’s why people get tired of Stephanie: she almost NEVER has to give up anything and it gets old in a hurry. I’m sure she’s stolen some other talent and Bischoff will be crushed while Stephanie gets to dance around and talk about how great Smackdown and its fans really are.

Video on the Un-Americans to set up Test vs. Undertaker.

Undertaker vs. Test

JR says Undertaker has a big home field advantage. I get what he’s going for but we’re MUCH closer to Canada and Toronto in general than we are to Houston. But then again, never underestimate how hard an American announcer is going to push his countryman in a feud like this. Undertaker starts with a hiptoss of all things but a knee to the ribs cuts off some driving shoulders.

Test shoves the referee into the ropes to break up Old School and since this isn’t Raw, that’s not a DQ. After a quick trip to the floor, Test very slowly hammers away in the corner and drops a knee on the ribs. It’s off to an armbar of all things until Undertaker fights up and suplexes his way to freedom. AMERICAN freedom that is.

The pumphandle slam doesn’t work so Undertaker plants him with a chokeslam for a delayed two. Cue Storm and Christian for a distraction so Test can get in the big boot for two of his own. Test grabs a chair and shoves the referee down, allowing Undertaker to kick the chair straight back into his face. The Tombstone ends Test at 8:20.

Rating: D. This was fine for a long Raw match but on a show with this much talent around, it’s only going to go so far. Undertaker winning is fine enough as it’s really hard to buy Test beating someone who was in the main event of last month’s pay per view going toe to toe to toe with Rock and Kurt Angle.

Undertaker goes into the crowd and grabs an American flag for some posing.

We get a long and very good recap of HHH vs. Shawn Michaels. They used to be friends and Shawn came back as part of the NWO. After the team was disbanded, Shawn came back again and was made into HHH’s manager. That wasn’t cool with Shawn and his Texas pride so HHH beat him up twice in a row, including putting Shawn through a car window. Shawn is willing to have one more fight (not match, but fight) here tonight.

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Anything goes and unsanctioned with Shawn in jeans. Shawn hammers away to start and spears HHH down for more right hands. They’re quickly on the floor with Shawn ramming him head first into the post. It’s time for some toys, including a trashcan to HHH’s head and a top rope right hand for the same.

Sweet Chin Music misses less than three minutes in and Shawn walks into a spinebuster for the first real shot to his bad back. Like a smart villain, HHH starts in on the back but Shawn says bring it, earning himself a kick to the chest. One heck of a chair shot to the back has Shawn’s face in agony, which is where so much of this match’s strength comes from. Michaels could tell such a story with his face and it really does bring you deeper into the story they’re trying to tell.

Shawn gets in a desperation rollup for two but walks into the facebuster to cut him off again. A DDT on the chair gets two and we’ve got some blood. HHH steals Shawn’s belt for a good old fashioned whipping followed by a few buckle shots to the cut head. With Shawn pulling himself to his feet, it’s sledgehammer time. As is his custom though, Shawn cuts HHH off at the exactly right time, earning himself an abdominal stretch.

HHH goes for the hammer again but Earl Hebner calls him off and yells a lot. A superplex is broken up so HHH blasts him in the back with the chair again. There’s a side slam through an open chair and Shawn looks dead. You can feel the fans getting more and more into this and JR wants the referee to do a fast count. Shawn kicks out and now HHH is getting frustrated because Michaels won’t stay down.

Another side slam onto a closed chair gets the same and HHH covers three times in a row. The Pedigree is broken up by a low blow and you can feel the crowd coming back to life. HHH grabs the chair but a desperation superkick knocks it into HHH’s face to draw blood as well. Shawn hits the forearm into the nipup and the fans actually come to their feet as it’s the old Shawn one more time. A great chair shot to the head drops HHH and Shawn picks up the belt to even things up a bit from earlier.

Shawn bulldogs the very bloody HHH onto the steps to knock him even sillier. Since that’s not enough, let’s bring in a ladder too. Said ladder is thrown inside but HHH baseball slides it into Shawn’s ribs for a breather. HHH goes up top for some reason and it’s a superplex to bring him back down for two. Now the steps are brought in but Shawn drop toeholds HHH into them before knocking him outside again.

With nothing else left, here’s a table too with Shawn splashing HHH off the top through the wood. HHH very slowly rolls back in and Shawn brings the ladder inside again. The big elbow off the ladder crushes HHH and Shawn pops right back up. It’s superkick time but HHH counters into the Pedigree which is countered into a jackknife rollup for the pin at 27:19.

Rating: A+. My goodness what a performance. That’s the only way to put it as Shawn basically started all over again and had this kind of an amazing match. This was some outstanding storytelling with Michaels taking us to the very brink but fighting back until there was an actual way to believe he could pull it off. HHH was at his most dastardly here and that makes for one heck of a match. This is one of the best matches of both of their careers and the circumstances make it even more amazing. Shawn timed that comeback as well as anything I’ve ever seen and I got swept up in the match all over again. Just excellent.

Post match, HHH hits a celebrating Shawn in the back with a sledgehammer to go biggest heel ever. Shawn does a stretcher job, seemingly putting him out of action for a long time. Oh and one more thing: for some reason HHH has tried to claim that this match was forty five minutes long. Even if you count the entrances and the post match stuff, it’s less than thirty six minutes total. That’s a big stretch even in wrestling, which is covering a lot of ground.

Here’s Howard Finkel of all people to talk about how he hasn’t been here since Wrestlemania II but you’ll always have him because of loyalty. Cue Trish Stratus (who has been feuding with a sexist Finkel) but the Fink doesn’t want to hear from someone who thinks she’s hot stuff because of her looks. Trish hits on him and Finkel makes sex jokes until Lillian Garcia (who is having the real issues with him) to slap Howard in the face and kick him low. This was just a way to calm things down after the previous match but it was still stupid.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. The Rock. Lesnar won the King of the Ring tournament to earn this show and Rock won the title at Vengeance. Brock has run through the company but this is by far his biggest test to date.

Undisputed Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Rock

Lesnar is challenging and has Paul Heyman in his corner. The fans are ALL OVER Rock as he charges right into a belly to belly, further banging up his already injured ribs. Some backbreakers have the fans cheering for Rock though and Brock takes him outside for a beating in the crowd.

Back in and another belly to belly sends Rock flying for two. Heyman even gets in a little choking as Rock’s right hands are cut off by a powerslam. Brock charges into the post and three straight clotheslines finally put him down for two. It’s off to a bad Sharpshooter with Rock nowhere near sitting on Brock’s back.

Heyman finally gets on the apron for a distraction but Lesnar saves his agent from a Rock Bottom. The distraction lets a chair go into Rock’s ribs, setting up a bearhug into a waistlock on the mat. This stays on WAY too long but to be fair, Lesnar isn’t really capable of having a long match on his own just yet.

Rock punches his way out but takes one heck of a running shoulder to the ribs in the corner. Lesnar gets punched (you might notice a pattern emerging here) outside again and it’s announcers’ table time. Instead though Brock gets catapulted into the table and Heyman takes a very slow motion Rock Bottom through the table.

Back in and the Rock Bottom only gets two but Lesnar grabs one of his own (JR: “Brock Bottom?”) for another near fall. The spinebuster looks to set up the People’s Elbow but Brock jumps up for a BIG clothesline. Brock can’t hit the F5 but reverses the Rock Bottom into the F5 for the pin and the title at 16:02.

Rating: B. It’s not a classic but the key thing here is that Brock reversed Rock’s finisher into his own for the completely clean pin. Heyman hadn’t been a factor for about five minutes so the pinfall is WAY more important. Lesnar won because he was better here (ignoring the rib injuries but that was hardly cheating). This was a good match but it’s important and well done which is all that matters.

Overall Rating: A. This is one of the best pay per views the company has ever put on and pretty easily the best Summerslam ever. The worst match of the night was Undertaker vs. Test and even that was watchable. Throw in a masterpiece like HHH vs. Michaels and this is an instant classic, which isn’t often the case at Summerslam.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

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http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Ratings Comparison

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A-

2017 Redo: A-

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Original: B

2013 Redo: C

2017 Redo: C+

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B-

Un-Americans vs. Booker T/Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C

Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Test

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A

Still a masterpiece.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/05/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-2002-best-summerslam-ever/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/07/summerslam-count-up-2002-the-performance-of-a-lifetime/