Smackdown
Date: August 23, 2013
Location: Rabobank Arena, Bakersfield, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s an interesting time in WWE as we have our first heel super stable in several years and they can do whatever the like because “we own the place.” The two questions at the moment are what will Daniel Bryan do to fight these guys off and who will step up to help him in the war. Odds are we won’t find out until Monday. Let’s get to it.

We get clips from the main events of Summerslam.

Theme song.

Here’s Vickie Guerrero to open us up. She’s cleared the air with HHH and brings out Randy Orton, actually pronouncing the T for a change. Orton talks about being a role model and about how he didn’t lie at all during this whole thing. He said he would be cashing in MITB very soon and that’s exactly what he did. No one should have been surprised when he won the title on Sunday. The only person who should have been surprised was Orton himself, as he didn’t expect HHH to do what he did, even though he didn’t need the help. Orton says he’s the face of the WWE but here’s Bryan to disagree.

Before Bryan addresses the face of the WWE, he wants to say what he was trying to say on Raw: thank you John Cena for giving him the chance at Summerslam and for wrestling with a torn tricep. That one chance let him know what it feels like to be WWE Champion. As for the face of the WWE, it’s already time for that face to change. Bryan doesn’t look like Randy Orton. Orton is tall, chiseled and just pretty.

Bryan sees why HHH likes him so much, but Orton is also arrogant. He’s been handed every opportunity because he’s a third generation wrestler and it’s been his Golden Ticket. Bryan can’t get over how pretty Orton is and asks the fans to cheer for Orton because of it. Randy is so pretty that it makes Daniel want to kick him in the face.

Bryan has had to work his way up through the high school gyms wrestling on infected mats to get where he is today because he isn’t tall and isn’t pretty. However, he can wrestle and beat Orton for the WWE Championship. Bryan is entitled to a rematch and he wants it tonight. Say it along with Orton and I: Wait until the pay per view. They stare at each other and Orton tries an RKO, only to be dropkicked to the floor. Solid segment here with Bryan sounding like a natural rival to Orton and laying out the basic story. Orton saying he didn’t know HHH was going to help him is interesting as well.

Vickie rants about Bryan on the phone and says someone needs to teach him a lesson. Wade Barrett comes in and says he doesn’t like Bryan either, so he’d be willing to take care of him tonight. Vickie says ok and makes it a no holds barred match. No make it extreme rules. Or inside a cage. Wasn’t Vickie supposed to be all mega evil this time or something?

Cody Rhodes vs. Curtis Axel

Non-title. Feeling out process to start with Cody tripping Axel down to the mat. Curtis comes back with a great dropkick but Cody heads to the apron for a springboard dropkick of his own. Curtis rolls outside but moves before Cody can dive on him. Cody’s back is rammed into the apron as we take a break.

Back with Curtis dropping elbows for two before hitting a Hennig necksnap for the same. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Cody avoids a middle rope fist a few seconds later. The Disaster Kick misses but Cody gets two off a sunset flip out of the corner. Heyman’s distraction breaks up the moonsault press and Axel hits his neckbreaker into a faceplant for the pin at 3:55 shown of 6:55.

Rating: D+. So we build Cody up for weeks and then have him lose in less than seven minutes with the title not even on the line. To be fair though, Cody had almost a month of wins under his belt so it was long past time to bring him back to earth. He might jump to TNA or the UFC or Hollywood and we wouldn’t want to make money off of him while we could right?

Post match Heyman wants to talk about CM Punk. He talks about being in emotional pain along with his physical pain because he made Punk the best in the world and then was betrayed. Punk lost to Lesnar at Summerslam and now Punk is in a downward spiral. Under Heyman’s leadership, Axel has notched victory after victory and no one has been able to take the title from him. Axel challenges Punk to an Intercontinental Title match on Raw because he can’t lose with Heyman in his corner.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Big E. Langston

Langston jumps Ziggy before the bell and throws him around the ring with ease. The bell rings and Dolph avoids a charge in the corner, only to be slammed down for two. Langston gets two off a splash and we hit the chinlock. Dolph fights up and sends Big E. into the post before taking him down with a neckbreaker. A dropkick drops Big E. again and Ziggler counters a powerbomb into an X-Factor for two. AJ gets in a cheap shot on Ziggler and Langston runs him over for two. The Big Ending is escaped and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pin at 2:01. Langston loses with a pre-match advantage and interferance. So much for him.

Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

Non-title here. Del Rio pounds away in the corner to start but gets backdropped out to the floor. Christian sends him into the barricade and Del Rio walks up the aisle as we take a break. Back with Del Rio kicking away in the corner but getting punched in the face to give Christian a breather. Christian is shoved to the floor to counter a tornado DDT, possibly injuring the shoulder that made him give up on Sunday.

Back in and the champion cranks on the arm before getting two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Alberto misses a charge into the ropes and gets dropkicked out to the floor. Christian pounds away back inside the ring but misses a high cross body, allowing Alberto to dropkick him in the face for two. Christian’s spinning sunset flip out of the corner gets two more but Del Rio avoids a middle rope dropkick and tries the armbreaker.

The Canadian rolls out and hits a tornado DDT out of the corner for two in a nice sequence. Alberto bails to the floor to avoid the spear and catches Christian with the running enziguri for two back inside. Christian blocks the low superkick and tries the Killswitch, only to have Del Rio send him shoulder first into the post. Alberto goes to the middle rope and rolls Christian into the armbreaker for the submission at 8:17 shown of 12:57.

Rating: B-. Another good match from these two and now the series is at 2-2. I’m guessing we’re supposed to ignore the two losses by Del Rio because he won the next two, though I don’t think many fans see it that way. The match itself was good stuff though with both guys building on spots they’ve used in their previous few matches.

Post match Del Rio talks about how awesome he is and how everyone else is a peasant. Is Del Rio being rich even a thing anymore? Del Rio says to follow him to greatness but Ricardo interrupts him. He says no one is going to lead him to greatness but now he’s hanging out with RVD. Rob comes to the ring and Christian dropkicks Del Rio down, allowing Rob to hit Rolling Thunder. That was a pretty non-good guy move there from Christian.

We recap the opening segment of the show.

Big Show/Mark Henry vs. 3MB

Slater gets to start with Big Show and is launched into the corner before it’s off to Henry. A big boot puts Slater down but Heath avoids a seated senton and brings in McIntyre for some stomping. Mahal comes in for the same but Slater is tagged in and run over by a BIG shoulder block. Big Show comes in and cleans house but Slater breaks up the pin after a chokeslam to McIntyre. JBL: “Dumb, dumb move.” The World’s Strongest Slam ends Slater and the WMD is good for the pin on Drew at 3:11.

Rating: D. The match was nothing and you can’t complain about it too much. It did its job, though either monster could have done the same thing in the same amount of time. It would help to have some midcard tag teams for Henry and Show to beat but there’s just not enough depth in the division to do that.

Post match Shield asks if beating 3MB is supposed to mean something. Seth says they’re going to have fun knocking Show down again. Reigns will never respect Mark Henry and Rollins adds that they’re just better than the monsters. BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD, even though Ambrose wasn’t in this interview.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Darren Young

Young gets taken down seconds into the match and Cesaro pounds him into the corner. There’s the gutwrench suplex but Cesaro charges into a boot in the corner. Antonio comes right back with the standing chinlock and a clothesline for two. Darren comes back with right hands and an overhead belly to belly followed by a northern lights suplex for two. A hot shot and the Gut Check are good for the pin at 2:31. Nothing match as Young’s push continues.

Ryback signs an autograph for a fan’s son but the fan doesn’t know what his name is. Ryback rips up the picture he signed as a result. I’m with Ryback here. How did the fan not know his name when it’s in big red letters on the front of his vest?

Punk has accepted the match with Axel for Raw.

The cage is lowered.

Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett

Barrett pounds him into the corner to start but Bryan blocks a ram into the steel. Daniel pounds right hands in the corner but charges into a boot to the jaw. Now the ram into the cage works but Barrett can only get a two count. Bryan comes back with a backdrop into the cage and Daniel fires off kicks in the corner. There’s the backflip over Barrett in the corner but the running clothesline is countered into the Winds of Change for two.

We take a break and come back with Barrett kicking Bryan’s head into the cage. Now it’s Barrett having the back of his head rammed into the steel and Bryan adds the running dropkick to crush Barrett even more. A missile dropkick gets two and Bryan fires off the kicks to Wade’s chest. The big one to the head misses and Barrett sends him into the cage before clotheslining him inside out for a close two.

Wasteland is blocked via a grab of the ropes but Bryan gets caught in an electric chair for two. Barrett goes up the cage but Bryan makes a save. He can’t German superplex Wade down and gets kicked to the mat, only to charge up the corner and pull Barrett back inside. Bryan hits a rolling powerbomb to bring Wade back to the mat and the running knee to the face is good for the pin at 8:58 shown of 11:58.

Rating: B. Good match here with Barrett looking like he could hang with the big boys. It’s amazing how far he fell while being Intercontinental Champion because when he has a good opponent he can put on an entertaining match. Bryan was his usual good stuff here and the fans are still into him after Summerslam. Hopefully that holds up.

Post match Bryan celebrates on the floor but walks into an RKO.

Overall Rating: B. This was a really solid show as WWE continues their roll. We had good matches throughout the show with the bad stuff being pretty short. I’m not wild on the ending though. That’s three times now that Orton has stood tall over Bryan in three shows and that’s going to catch up with them. Bryan doesn’t need to beat Orton down or anything, but he needs to be standing when a show ends soon. It’s still very early in the story though so it’s not like it’s already dead or anything. Good show tonight.

Results

Curtis Axel b. Cody Rhodes – Neckbreaker into a faceplant

Dolph Ziggler b. Big E. Langston – Zig Zag

Alberto Del Rio b. Christian – Cross Armbreaker

Big Show/Mark Henry b. 3MB – WMD to McIntyre

Darren Young b. Antonio Cesaro – Gut Check

Daniel Bryan b. Wade Barrett – Running knee to the head

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Impact
Date: August 12, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: The Whole F’N Show

This is the PPV caliber show, since they NEVER have PPV style matches on TV. Nope, not TNA. I guess this is supposed to be like their Clash of the Champions or whatever. The ratings here should be most interesting. Hopefully there are no ECW guys tonight and remember: NO TALKING ALL NIGHT. Any bets on that one?

AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle

If Angle loses he retires. AJ has a tattoo on his side which looks weird but it has his initials and his kids’ birthdays so I can live with that. Angle gets a SWEET suplex on the floor. This is non-title which just about gives away the ending as well as you could want it to. AJ is freaking awesome to watch, which is what irritates me about the whole Flair tribute thing. There’s no need to add that in with his great stuff.

AJ does all of his usual stuff but can’t get the pin. He hits the forearm and the Pele but none of them work. This isn’t Angle’s usual formula yet but of course it’s good given who is out there. AJ avoids the running belly to belly but Angle hits a middle rope moonsault press which was NICE.

Ankle lock goes on and from that angle Kurt looks FAT! AJ misses his moonsault DDT thing which he hasn’t busted out in years but the recovery was fine. Angle Slam gets two as this is a very fast paced match. Angle blocks the low blow into the ankle lock with the grapevine for the tap. Nice match but they needed more time, as in like twice the time.

Rating: B. Solid match here but with more time, as in like ten more minutes, this could have been a classic. They were WORKING out there though and everything flowed quite well. These two have mad chemistry together and it’s clear why they get put on TV so often. I can live with the TV Champion losing, but I still see little reason to not make this a title match since the career thing is only for the top ten guys.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne

Now, can we break the streak of title changes without an actual pin? How are we supposed to take this division seriously with the commentary the way it is? Naturally a lot of the moves from Madison are shall we say suggestive? And make sure you get the back shots. Love kills her with a bunch of stuff and here’s the motorcycle chick.

The crowd chants Tara as they know what’s coming. Skye pops up from behind and DRILLS her with a chair. The helmet comes off and she’s wearing a mask underneath. It comes half off but all we see is a mouth. Back in the ring Lights Out ends this and Love is a five time champion.

Rating: D. Crap match but did you expect anything else? Love looked like Mr. Perfect with the outfit and that was more or less the high point. This whole biker thing is going on to not make it look like Tara just returned a week later which is stupid since clearly the crowd knows who she is. This was a really short match but it did the job….whatever that was supposed to be.

Mr. Anderson vs. D’Angelo Dinero vs. Matt Morgan

Anderson is the only one to get a TV intro. The faces go after Morgan which doesn’t work at all naturally as they wind up fighting over it. The rankings will be announced next week due to….something. Anderson with a Thesz Press as Morgan sits on the floor and lets them fight, which isn’t a bad idea at all. Mic Check to Dinero and Morgan slides in for the save and to steal the pin. I’m not sure if this was longer than the women’s match or not.

Rating: D+. Better than the previous one but more disappointing at the same time. This has been built up for weeks and technically months and it gets four minutes? This could have been much better than it came off as which is never a good sign. It’s ok but it’s just ok, which is never a good thing given what they could have likely done with more time. Imagine that: TNA needing more time for their wrestling.

Jeff Hardy vs. ???

I’ve heard that this is supposed to be a debut and that this isn’t a debut. If it’s a debut, the common guess would be Helms, which would be somewhat exciting. And it’s Shannon Moore.

Jeff Hardy vs. Shannon Moore

When will wrestling companies get that no one cares about Moore? Why does this guy keep getting a job? They’re brothers apparently, or at least that’s what Shannon says. No reason why but whatever. We’re told they’re friends which is news to about 90% of the wrestling audience but whatever. Jeff keeps running into the corners after Shannon and ramming into the buckle like an idiot in a bad comedy movie.

Moore dominates for the most part until Hardy realizes he’s a three time world champion and Shannon Moore is Shannon Moore. A name change might help him a lot actually. Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton into the knees. Shannon gets shoved off the ropes and lands in perfect position for the Swanton and the pin.

Rating: C. Better than I expected here, but again I ask: Shannon Moore? Is that the best they can come up with? Wrestling companies have tried to push this guy for years and it hasn’t worked so why do they keep trying it? This didn’t work back in the days of the WWF and it’s not working here. Anyway, this was an ok match but really nothing special at all. And remember, this is PPV quality baby!

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns

This is 2/3 falls. I’ll give TNA this: when they find something that works, they RUN with it. Shelley and Roode start us off and the crowd is WAY behind Shelley. The Guns do their usual insane speed stuff which is always cool looking. Roode does the old classic heel tactic of slapping his hands to convince the ref that there was a tag. It doesn’t work but it’s always awesome.

Sabin breaks through the endless domination of the heels as the fans are just getting irritating. NICE (I think) double team spot from the Guns as we get a downward spiral combined with a DDT and a missile dropkick. Roode takes Sabin’s head off with a big boot and the Guns clear the ring. Back in the ring a Backstabber sets up DWI on Shelley to make it 1-0 Beer Money.

Never a fan of challengers getting clean pins in the first fall of a 2/3 match. It makes the champions look like they lost completely clean. Nice double dropkick by Sabin to clean house again. The splash/neckbreaker ties it up after about two minutes. That move needs a name.

Roode does a HUGE dive over the ropes which they screw up by changing the camera at the last second. After a break it’s more even fighting. This has been a great match. Sabin hits a springboard DDT on Roode which I loved. Granted that might be because the DDT is my favorite move. Both teams hit a sweet double team sequence.

Sliced Bread #2 is countered as is DWI. Last Call superkick ends Roode and the double team combo DOESN’T get the pin on Storm. I would have bet on that ending it. Another one does in fact end it though, which is a bit anticlimactic but still, GREAT match here, although just a step behind the initial win at the PPV. Still though, great match.

Rating: A. This was indeed a great match but it makes me wonder where they’re going to go now that these two have fought so many times now. This is more about a back and forth insanity pitch rather than psychology or storytelling and that’s fine a lot of the time, especially in tags. This was very entertaining and the false finish was great for drama. These two teams have insane chemistry and this was no exception at all. Great match and well worth finding, although most of their matches are.

TNA World Title: Abyss vs. Rob Van Dam

Janice, the board with nails in it, is above the ring and can be used as a weapon, which of course it won’t be. You win by pinfall. Eric Bischoff is the referee for no apparent reason. I mean that literally: no one can come up with a reason for him to be out there. Abyss goes up the ladder as RVD is coming to the ring but gets caught. That was very smart.

Rolling Thunder misses and RVD hits the ladder. After a break Abyss misses a chokeslam onto the ladder. They do the run up the ladder as a ramp spot which is ok. This is about 5 minutes into it not counting the commercial and it’s 10:33. This is going to be a long match or the announcement is going to take forever.

This is a pretty standard ladder based match but it’s not bad. The pinfall being the way to win makes Abyss a much bigger threat here which is very smart thinking. There are the thumbtacks of course since those are perfectly normal in a match like this. Let’s pour some glass on top of that too. Abyss of course lands on them since he has the shirt on which telegraphs it completely. His hips landed on them but whatever.

Barbed wire board is brought in and of course Van Dam puts Abyss into it plus a few more spots which look cool if nothing else. Van Dam gets his hand on the board and they botch a spot as he gets shoved off and BANGS HIS FACE on a ladder that is set up like a bridge between the ring and the barrier. Hokey smoke that looked terrible. Abyss gets the board.

Naturally he puts it down to punch RVD a bit. For like the third time it gets stuck in the buckle. RVD looks ok and at least his face is still in one piece. He gets some chair shots in and then the Van Terminator into the barbed wire board into Abyss and the Five Star eventually gets the pin. Solid fun match but again I ask: WHY WAS BISCHOFF THE REFEREE?

Rating: B. Solid hardcore style match. The nail board of course meant nothing at all as you would expect. This was a fun main event, although I really wonder where they’re going with Van Dam now as he’s beaten EVERYONE now. I get that they wanted to make him dominant, but the smart move here was to put the title on Abyss, which they passed on so there we are.

Hogan comes down and we go to a break. RVD is still here and Hogan talks, since there can’t be any talking right? Hogan declares that TNA is the top wrestling company in the world and that Hardcore Justice set the bar. He brings out the ECW guys, or at least the main ones. Even Sabu is here.

Hogan says he gives them the ring in a show of respect. There are like 10 or more guys in there. Dreamer is the mouthpiece and thanks everyone. RVD kisses him on the cheek and the lights go out. And here’s Fourtune plus Williams and Morgan. Raven and Sandman come out to even the odds as it’s a massive beatdown.

Abyss comes back and beats up Van Dam some more. Flair comes out as the fans cheer this. In the back Van Dam is covered in blood and Abyss holds up Janice. Flair yells at Dixie, saying she caused this, as we end it.

Overall Rating: A. This was a GREAT show. Everything hit on almost all cylinders although the Hardy/Moore match and the triple threat left a bit to be desired. This was a very fun show though and I had a good time watching it. I’m skeptical about how it’s going to go after this week though as they’re banking everything on this one big angle and if it doesn’t work, they’re in trouble. We’ll see though, and we get a good show here so that’s a success if nothing else. Worth seeing for sure.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 12, 2013
Location: Sleeptrain Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the final show before Summerslam and things are finally in focus. The main story tonight is Punk getting a one on one shot with Heyman. As Punk said at Chicago Comic Con over the weekend, he’d be stupid to think Axel or Lesnar won’t get involved. Other than that we have a little bit of storytelling to go before we get to Sunday so let’s get to it.

No intro this week in a change of pace.

Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett

Brad Maddox is guest referee for no apparent reason. A quick dropkick puts Barrett down and Daniel goes after the leg. Bryan hooks a quick dragon screw leg whip before cannonballing down ion the legs a few times. Barrett is sent to the floor with a baseball slide but Bryan misses the running knee off the apron and gets caught with a big boot to the face. Back in and Bryan is knocked to the floor with ease and sent into the steps.

Back in the sequel sees Barrett have a chinlock quickly broken. Bryan speeds things up and hits the running clothesline before knocking Barrett to the floor again. There’s the FLYING GOAT followed by a missile dropkick. The hard kicks to the chest have Wade in trouble but he ducks a big one and rolls Bryan up for a fast count at 5:24.

Rating: C-. So we built up Bryan for MONTHS, only to have him lose via a fast count to WADE BARRETT six days before Summerslam? This seems like more WWE overbooking which continues to drive me crazy. We flat out do not need this addition to the Cena vs. Bryan match but I’m sure it’ll wind up being focused on the McMahons because that’s what matters at the end of the day.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Sandow ties his case to the post so Cody, on commentary here, can’t steal it. Damien grabs a quick headlock to start but gets dropped by an elbow to the jaw. Orton pounds down right hands in the corner and gets two off a snap suplex. A clothesline gets the same and we hit the chinlock. Nothing to see so far here. Damien comes back with a belly to back suplex but gets dropkicked off the apron as we take a break.

Back with Sandow escaping a superplex but charging into a boot in the corner. Orton goes back up top and positions himself so Sandow can shoves him out to the floor. Back in and we hit the chinlock followed by a knee to Orton’s ribs for two. There’s the Wind-Up Elbow for two more and we’re back in the chinlock.

Orton finally suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines but Sandow avoids the powerslam and hits a running flip neckbreaker for a near fall. Orton sends him to the apron and hits the Elevated DDT but Sandow bails from the RKO. Damien sends him into the post for two and Cody goes after the briefcase, allowing for the RKO to connect for the pin at 13:45.

Rating: D+. STOP PUTTING THEM AGAINST EACH OTHER! My goodness this gets annoying to sit through as we have to wait for nearly 14 minutes until Sandow loses like he always does. Then a few months from now we’re supposed to buy him as a world champion because that’s what MITB does. The match wasn’t bad but it was just a waiting game until Sandow lost and there was never any doubt as to that being the finish. That’s why I can’t stand watching Damien matches: we’re just waiting for him to lose and there’s no point in watching anything else in the match.

There’s a battle royal for a US Title shot on Sunday.

Shield says they’re awesome and Ambrose will beat the winner of the battle royal on Sunday. He says he’s the best in the world and Cena just has a trophy. PLEASE let that be foreshadowing.

Video on Brock vs. Punk, the same one from Smackdown.

Punk says no one is afraid of Paul Heyman but Heyman is doing this for a reason. Paul hasn’t lost his mind or grown a set because it’s all a big chess game. The best is the best.

Natalya/Great Khali vs. Big E. Langston/AJ Lee

In an inset interview, Langston says no one has Dolph’s back now other than Kaitlyn and that’s not enough. The guys start but AJ wants to fight Khali. She slaps the big man but Natalya comes in to take over. Natalya drives AJ into the corner but gets rammed face first into the buckle to stop her cold. AJ hooks a cravate to no effect but a dropkick gets two. She shouts at Hornswoggle a lot but gets caught in the Sharpshooter as a result. Natalya starts letting go and AJ taps….but the referee doesn’t ring the bell. Natalya puts it on again and AJ taps at 3:45.

Rating: D. So horribly botched ending aside, this wasn’t much to see at all. The Khali/Horny/Natalya joke is done and wasn’t funny in the first place. I don’t get the point in having AJ tap here other than to set up a feud with Natalya for the title, even though her feud with Kaitlyn isn’t done yet.

Post match Langston goes after Horny but gets chopped down by Khali.

Here’s Vince McMahon to talk about what happened with Bryan vs. Barrett. He calls out Brad and asks him why he appointed himself guest referee. Brad says Bryan’s matches tend to get out of hands, so the fans would appreciate a referee capable of keeping things calm. The fast count wasn’t intentional and Maddox wants to be guest referee for Cena vs. Bryan at Summerslam. Vince asks if Brad would call it right down the line and Brad says of course he was. McMahon brings up all of insulting names you could call Bryan but Brad swears he won’t do it. Brad crosses his heart that he won’t cheat but here’s HHH to interrupt.

HHH thinks there should be a guest referee on Sunday to keep things calm and sane. However, it shouldn’t be Brad Maddox. The guest referee should of course be HHH himself. There’s a Pedigree to Maddox and Vince leaves before he has to get one himself. What this adds to the main event on Sunday isn’t clear but I’m sure Vince and HHH can explain it to us.

Video on Kane vs. Bray Wyatt so far.

Kane vs. Titus O’Neil

Kane slugs him down to start and takes Titus into the corner for more punishment. A side slam puts O’Neil down and the chokeslam is good for the pin at 1:51. Total squash.

Post match here are the Wyatts but when the lights come back on, Kane is on the stage. He lights the corners up and Bray drops to his knees and smiles.

The Bellas look at a clip of Eva Marie (from Total Divas) making fun of Natalya. They talk about how awesome they are when Natalya comes up. She challenges Brie to a match at Summerslam and here’s Eva Marie to respond to an insult. The Funkadactyls come in and we have a six Diva tag on Sunday. Joy.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi takes over to start and pounds down right hands in the corner for two. He loads up the spinning cross body out of the corner but Del Rio knocks him into the Tree of Woe. The reverse superplex is good for two for Alberto and it’s off to a hard chinlock. Kofi comes back with a horrible looking dropkick and the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses.

Del Rio gets two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but gets caught in the SOS for two more. Another spin kick misses and Del Rio rolls to the floor, only to be cradled for two back inside. In an AWESOME counter, Del Rio catches the springboard cross body in a gutbuster. The cross armbreaker is good for the submission from Kofi at 6:10.

Rating: C+. This took awhile to get going but it picked WAY up at the end. Del Rio badly needed this win but at the same time his stock is way down after the losses last week. At least he beat Kofi, who is now 1-2 after his return from a few weeks ago. I’m sure he’ll be IC Champion in a few weeks.

Christian looks at a video of his career and says he’ll win on Sunday.

Colter and the Real Americans say they want to see California split off from America to make the country a better place.

Real Americans vs. Usos

Jey starts with Cesaro and the Usos look like they have taped up feet. Off to Swagger for a high/low for two on Jey before driving him into the corner. The Vader Bomb crushes Jey and Cesaro jumps over Jack’s shoulders for a double stomp, getting two. Jey comes back with some uppercuts but Swagger gets the tag before a sunset flip can cover Cesaro. Jack takes him down with a double chicken wing and it’s back to Cesaro.

There’s the standing chinlock but Jey takes him into the corner to break it up. Double tag brings in Jimmy to face Swagger as everything breaks down. The Usos hit stereo over the top rope dives to take the Real Americans out but Cesaro tries to break up the Superfly. The distraction is broken up and Jey makes a blind tag so he can roll up Swagger for the pin at 4:55.

Rating: C. Nice match here with the Usos continuing to look awesome. I’m still not sure why the Usos never got a title shot as they would be good transitional champions before dropping them to some strong team, ala Strike Force back in 1988. The match was entertaining though and that’s all it needed to be.

It’s time for MizTV with Cena and Bryan. Miz brings both guys down and Cena gets right to the point: he’s the WWE Champion and Bryan wants to be. Cena respects him and Bryan is going to put up a heck of a fight on Sunday. Miz tries to stir the pot by saying Cena is implying Bryan loses Sunday, but Bryan will have none of it. He goes after Cena for saying Bryan is going to lose and points out the fans booing Cena a lot of the time. Bryan talks about Cena being more style than substance and not being in this business for the wrestling.

Bryan says his shirt is a parody of Cena’s because Cena is a parody of wrestling. He doesn’t want to be a parody though but rather to be WWE Champion because it means he’s the best in the world. Cena takes off his shirt and is ready to go but stops himself. Cena says he’s out here for the same reason Bryan is out here: because they believe in Daniel Bryan. Bryan wants to be out here and prove that he believes in the fans as much as they believe in him.

That’s what WWE is about: picking your favorite wrestler and cheering them all the way to the end. Saying these are just shirts is like saying the American flag is just a cloth; it’s about what it means. Cena is loyal to the fans no matter what and he is not a parody. People have come here before and said Cena needs to go and Five Moves of Doom and all that jazz. Bryan may not be smart but he’s not deaf. Cena has shown up every day for the last twelve years and he’s out here every night for the fans and for the Make-A-Wish kids who say Never Give Up because Cena wears it on a t-shirt.

He’s proud of what he’s become: a man who has wrestled around the world for twelve years and has fought the biggest names in wrestling while holding the WWE Championship. So please think of him as a joke on Sunday because he’s beaten everyone who has thought of him like that: everyone from HHH to HBK to Orton to CM Punk to Rock. Bryan says he talks about those guys like they’re better than he is. Cena says Bryan is on his way but doesn’t belong there yet. If Bryan wants respect, earn it on Sunday. Bryan says that sums it up: Cena doesn’t respect him and isn’t treating him like a serious threat.

This is just another big title match for Cena but this is the biggest match of Bryan’s life. Bryan talks about a custom he learned in Japan: to fire someone up for a match they slap the other competitor in the face. He wishes he could do that to Cena but he can’t because Cena isn’t a wrestler and doesn’t deserve it. Cena says go ahead and slap him but slaps Bryan first. He says to slap him….but here’s HHH to kill the segment dead. Before he says anything, here’s Orton as well to hold up the case to end it. Great segment, stupid overbooking.

It’s time for a dance off between R-Truth and Fandango. Both guys dance and Fandango jumps Truth, only to be knocked to the floor where he pronounces his name. No match.

Heyman is getting ready but is having second thoughts about having the match.

Battle Royal

Rob Van Dam, Brodus Clay, Tensai, Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Ryback, Titus O’Neil, Jey Uso, Darren Young, Jimmy Uso, Antonio Cesaro, Justin Gabriel, Kofi Kingston, Great Khali, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Wade Barrett, Mark Henry, Fandango

The winner gets a shot at Dean Ambrose and the US Title on Sunday’s preshow. I can’t tell who all is in there but Ryback throws out Gabriel and Young before running over Tensai for an elimination. Jimmy Uso is tossed by the Band as things slow down a lot. The fans chant for Sexual Chocolate as we have a lot of standing around doing nothing. Kofi nearly puts Mahal out as the match is dragging a lot. There’s almost nothing talk about in battle royals given how little happens most of the time.

R-Truth puts on Fandango but he comes back in and dumps R-Truth. Van Dam throws Fandango out and the ring is still way too full as we take a break. Back with far fewer people in the ring. The Real Americans put out Jey Uso before working on Mark Henry. We still have Kofi, Barrett, Ryback, Titus, RVD, the Real Americans and Henry. Van Dam clotheslines Titus out and we’re down to seven. Kofi is sent to the apron by Swagger but uses Cesaro to pull himself back in with a cool spot. Think of it as skinning the Cesaro. Not that it matters as Jack puts him out immediately thereafter.

RVD runs over the Real Americans with kick after kick but Ryback hits the Meat Hook to knock Rob out cold. The Real Americans pick up Henry but he shoves them away and knocks both guys out to get us to four. Henry picks up the pace and throws Barrett out. Rob is down but not out in the corner so the bulls go at it. Henry gets Ryback onto the apron where a kick from Ryback and a charge from Henry puts him out. Down to two and the fans go NUTS. Rob is crushed into the corner but comes back with a grea tkick. He goes up top but gets crotched to the apron, only to low bridge Henry out to win at 13:27.

Rating: C. This was more entertaining than mots battle royals but it still wasn’t all that great. Van Dam and Henry were the only real options in there so it was nice that the two of them were the last guys out there. Putting Ambrose over Van Dam on Sunday is a good rub for the champion, which is what Rob should be around for anymore. Nice stuff here in the real main event.

Post match Henry respects Van Dam….but here comes Shield. They surround the ring as Henry gets back in. Cue the returning Big Show to make the save. The camera cuts away from Rollins who clearly mouths “Oh Sh…..”. Shield bails, presumably setting up a tag match with the big guys vs. Show/Henry on Sunday.

Here’s Heyman for his fight with Punk. Heyman is in a shirt, vest and gloves. He’s in pants too if that wasn’t clear. Heyman says Punk’s fans are calling for their hero. He doesn’t blame Punk for what happened but rather all of the fans. Punk used to live for Heyman’s blessing but now he lives for the fans. Heyman admits this is a trap but he had a co-conspirator. He brings out Brock and shows him a video package of Lesnar’s history with Punk.

Here’s Heyman’s trap: he’ll fight Punk right here and now but it’s 2-1 instead of one on one. All Punk has to do is play the hero, which is the stupidest thing he could do. Punk has an option: either play the hero tonight or disappoint everyone in the arena here tonight. Cue Punk but instead he comes from behind and blasts Lesnar in the face with a TV camera. A HARD shot to the back has Lesnar in trouble and Heyman is panicking.

Punk hits a suicide dive to put Lesnar down before grabbing a chair. Punk appears to be limping a bit. A series of chair shots puts Lesnar down and it’s just Punk vs. Paul now. Heyman: “OH MY GOD!” Punk chases Lesnar to the back but has to stop an invading Curtis Axel. Punk rams him into the video screen and hits the GTS on the stage before staring down at Lesnar to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a back and forth show all night. The earlier stuff really bored me but later on things picked WAY up as we started focusing on Sunday. HHH being added to the main event does NOTHING for me but it’s all about Vince vs. HHH at the end of the day so what are you supposed to expect? If you cut an hour or so off this show, it’s WAY better but that’s how WWE works today. Good stuff here, but I could easily see if different people see it completely differently.

Results

Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

Great Khali/Natalya b. AJ Lee/Big E. Langston – Sharpshooter to AJ

Kane b. Titus O’Neil – Chokeslam

Usos b. Real Americans – Rollup to Swagger

Rob Van Dam won a battle royal last eliminating Mark Henry

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Smackdown
Date: August 9, 2013
Location: BMO Harris Bank Center, Rockford, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

After Monday we have a lot more set up for Summerslam. The primary addition for the Smackdown side of things is Rhodes vs. Sandow in a match that isn’t going to do much as both guys’ stock is so low right now. Other than that we’re likely to get some more build for Del Rio vs. Christian which didn’t get a ton of time on Monday. Let’s get to it.

Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam

If Orton’s actions on Monday were supposed to be a heel turn, the crowd here didn’t get the message. This match makes sense but I would have bet on it being at Summerslam. Randy takes him down to the mat to start before grabbing a standing headlock. Van Dam comes back with a spin kick to send Orton into the ropes for a standoff. Back to the headlock from Orton before a dropkick gets a quick two. Still in first gear so far.

Rob misses a cross body and crashes out to the floor where he rams Orton head first into the steps. The spin kick to Orton’s back puts both guys down on the floor and we take a break. Back with Orton dropping a knee and pounding away in the corner. Van Dam goes up top but is shoved off the top and into the barricade in a big crash. Randy belly to backs him onto the barricade again for two back inside and we hit the chinlock.

Van Dam fights up and plants Randy for the split legged moonsault, good for two. A top rope flip attack gets two more but his attempted roll into a monkey flip is blocked. The backbreaker gets two as the crowd is getting into this. Orton hits his clotheslines followed by the powerslam for another near fall. Rob counters the Elevated DDT into a northern lights suplex for two of his own.

RVD loads up a springboard but Orton dropkicks him out to the apron for the Elevated DDT. JBL: “Do the repetitive call Michael!” The RKO is countered by a kick to the face and a rollup gets two. Another kick sets up Rolling Thunder (Rob overshot it and only his head hit Orton) but the Five Star misses and it’s the RKO for the pin at 10:37 shown of 13:22.

Rating: B. This was better than I was expecting with both guys moving very well out there. I’m surprised this wasn’t at Summerslam since both guys are hot right now and neither has anything to do at the show. This was reminiscent of the Orton vs. Christian matches with some good counters and a nice flow to the match. Good stuff here and I’d like to see some more from these two.

Time for MizTV with guests Big E. Langston and AJ. Miz asks Langston what their relationship is but AJ says Langston is a nice friend and a good guy. That’s not good enough for Miz and Big E. doesn’t look too pleased. Miz says cool and gives Langston a thumbs up before accusing AJ of having a lot of “friends.” Miz lists off the guys that AJ has had around here and suggests that the problem is her, not them.

AJ blames it on them and says they’re not heroes. They got her to fall for them and dumped her. Then Kaitlyn wasn’t even there for her so she had nothing at all. At the end of the day, the only thing that will never abandon her is the Divas Title. This brings out Ziggler who says no woman can get over him. A Ziggler chant starts up but the fans don’t seem to be as into it as they sound.

AJ says they had something special and Ziggler isn’t over it. He’ll never be able to touch her again but here’s Kaitlyn to interrupt. Ziggler may not be able to touch AJ but she can. The arguments begin again but Miz cuts them off. He’s tired of the arguing so he makes a mixed tag for Summerslam which apparently he can just do. The brawl breaks out and the heels both take finishers.

The Raw ReBound talks about Punk vs. Axel and the post match brawl with Lesnar. I was having a hard time believing I could buy into the physical aspect of the match but they made me believe with that brawl.

Del Rio wants to know why he’s fighting Christian tonight. That’s a good question actually. Vickie goes into her rant about how Del Rio needs to respect her and she’s willing to risk him getting hurt. We’re apparently still in the “Vickie is acting like a good GM before going all evil” stage of her job. Wasn’t she supposed to be all mega evil and vindictive against the fans this time?

Fandango vs. Kofi Kingston

The fans sing the Fandango song to start but Kofi knocks him down and stomps away in the corner. Fandango avoids Trouble in Paradise and low bridges Kofi to the floor. Back in and JBL calls Fandango a cross between Mr. Bojangles and Randy Couture. Off to the chinlock for a few seconds before Kofi counters a belly to back into a cross body for two.

Fandango charges into the post but rolls to the floor to avoid the Boom Drop. Kofi baseball slides him down but Summer Rae blocks a top rope dive. Instead Kofi runs the apron and dives onto Fandango, injuring Summer’s ankle in the process. Fandango posts Kofi and of course Summer is fine. Back inside and the guillotine legdrop is good for the pin on Kofi at 4:44.

Rating: C. First and foremost, this was MUCH better for Kofi than the Raw match as he looked like his old self out there tonight. This booking makes me roll my eyes though as the 50/50 stuff doesn’t do anyone any good and makes both guys look weak. Maybe that’s why almost no one goes up from the midcard without a briefcase.

Daniel Bryan says he likes the way he looks and asking him to cut the beard was his breaking point. He won’t change for anyone but he’ll change history by winning the WWE Championship.

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

Barrett is clean shaven again and starts fast by pounding Bryan down. Bryan flips over Wade in the corner and hits the running clothesline. There are the kicks but Barrett hits a hard clothesline to send Bryan to the floor. Bryan is whipped into the steps and slammed down for two. Off to a chinlock but Bryan sends Wade forward into the buckle to escape. Winds of Change get two but Wade is more interested in cutting the beard instead of winning. Bryan kicks him away and hits the running knee off the apron. Back in and the swan dive sets up the YES Lock for the submission at 4:08.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here and Barrett continues to be the same guy with a slightly different look. He either needs a completely new character or to get used to being a jobber to the stars for the next few years. This was a fine match for Bryan as he continues to be on fire and keep the fans interested in him.

Sandow looks at a clip of Cody throwing the case in the Gulf of Mexico and pulls out a new leather briefcase which has a brand new contract. He’ll be cashing it in to become world champion of the unwashed masses. Wow it’s almost like the entire deal with Cody throwing the case in the water means absolutely nothing not.

Video on the Wyatts vs. Kane.

Kane vs. 3MB

Cole tells us about the Ring of Fire match, which is going to be a regular match but the ring will be surrounded by fire to prevent interference. All of the Band is in the ring at the same time but Kane easily throws them around. They head to the floor with Slater and McIntyre being thrown into various objects. Back inside and a chokeslam finishes Mahal at 1:33.

The Wyatts pop up on screen to talk about the Ring of Fire match. Bray likes the idea of Kane thinking he’s a demon but thinks it’s funny that Kane believes fire will stop his brothers. The fire is smart enough to be afraid of Wyatt because it can’t hurt him. Bray’s secret is that he’s already dead.

Brock Lesnar says he’s allowed Punk to live this long out of respect for Paul. The Beast is the Best and there’s no professional jealously from Brock. Why should there be? Punk was never an NCAA Champion or the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Being WWE Champion for 434 days is impressive, especially for someone like Punk. Good heel promo from Brock here, similar to the one before his match with Cena.

Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

Non-title of course. Del Rio gets a quick two off a shoulder block and Christian isn’t sure what to do. After clapping a bit he runs Alberto over a few times as well and puts on a headlock. Del Rio takes him into the corner for some shots to the ribs but gets caught in a drop toehold into the ropes. Alberto avoids the uppercut from the floor but Christian knocks him outside instead. A baseball slide puts the champion down and we take a break.

Back with Christian pounding away in the corner but having his tornado DDT countered. A double stomp to the back gets two for Alberto but gets rammed into the post while trying to crotch Christian against the steel. Christian’s dive off the top hits the barricade and both guys are down on the floor. Back in and Christian is tossed into the air and crashes down before Del Rio hits a low superkick to the head. Christian is sent into the corner and a USA chant starts up to get under Alberto’s skin.

Alberto puts him in the Tree of Woe for some shots to the ribs before the Canadian goes up top. Del Rio goes up to meet him but Christian shoves him off, sending both guys to the floor as we take another break. Back with Alberto getting two off a middle rope dropkick and starting his attack on the arm. Alberto gets crotched on the top and taken down by a top rope hurricanrana, getting two. Now the uppercut connects and a jumping back elbow looks to set up the Killswitch.

Del Rio counters and hits a quick tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two before sending Christian into the corner. Cole ignores most of the action to recap the rest of the show. Christian escapes from the corner and tries the Killswitch but gets caught in the Backstabber for two. Back up and Christian spears him down for two but a second attempt hits the post.

Christian escapes the armbreaker into a rollup for a close two (I believe the same move he pinned Alberto with a few weeks ago) but the low superkick gets two for the champion. Del Rio pulls him into the middle of the ring but gets caught in a small package for the pin at 13:35 shown of 19:20.

Rating: B+. This sums up WWE’s thinking in general: you have a match that could be a nice addition at Summerslam and they put it here on Smackdown for free instead. Hopefully they change the match at Summerslam now by adding someone else to it (Orton and Van Dam would be candidates given how much the announcers have been raving about the three way) because right now we’re looking at Del Rio retaining, because that’s how WWE works: Christian has beaten him clean twice so it’s time for Del Rio to win and then wonder why people don’t buy him as champion.

Post match Del Rio goes after Christian but gets caught in the Killswitch……AND HERE’S SANDOW! He hands the case to the referee but turns around into a cross body from Cody. Cross Rhodes lays Sandow out to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. We got some good matches here and some build to the PPV so what more can you ask for from Smackdown? The interesting thing is where some big names land on the card. There are still no matches for Mark Henry, Ryback, Shield, RVD or Orton and the card is already filling up. The show tonight was entertaining though with good long wrestling and storyline development which is what Smackdown should always focus on.

Results

Randy Orton b. Rob Van Dam – RKO

Fandango b. Kofi Kingston – Guillotine Legdrop

Daniel Bryan b. Wade Barrett – YES Lock

Kane b. 3MB – Chokeslam to Mahal

Christian b. Alberto Del Rio – Small Package

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Summerslam 2003
Date: August 24, 2003
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 16,113
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Another year another Summerslam and yet again the company has changed. Tonight we have a double main event with a Wrestlemania rematch of Lesnar vs. Angle II for the Smackdown Title and an Elimination Chamber match for the Raw Title. 2003 was split down the middle in quality as Raw was atrocious and Smackdown was some of the best television in company history. It’s always interesting to see the two shows come together. Let’s get to it.

The US Marine Corps presents the American flag while Lillian sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video talks about how there is evil in this world and the Chamber tonight will prove it.

Raw Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

The Dudleyz are challenging and the EVIL foreigners are Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier. Bubba of course comes out with an American flag to hammer in the face status. The whole patriotism thing was a big deal in this feud as the third member of La Resistance, an American named Rob Conway, pretended to be a soldier to sneak up on the Dudleyz. It’s a brawl to start in the aisle with the challengers in full control.

D-Von chokes Dupree with the robe to start before armbarring Grenier down. A slam and a legdrop gets two on Sylvain and it’s off to Bubba for the power brawling. He puts Grenier in the Tree of Woe and stands on his crotch to make the French guy scream. The Dudleys clear the ring but Grenier gets in a cheap shot to give the champions control on Bubba. A double shoulder puts Bubba down for two as the USA chant starts up.

Back to Dupree for a bearhug, which isn’t often a move you see on a fat man like Bubba. Some headbutts break up hold but Bubba walks into a spinebuster for two. Bubba punches his way over to the hot tag (four minutes into the match) and D-Von cleans house. A rollup gets two on Grenier as everything breaks down. D-Von walks into a double spinebuster for two but it’s What’s Up to Dupree. The 3D lays out Dupree but Grenier makes save. Now a cameraman lays out D-Von with a camera to the head to retain the titles. It’s Rob Conway of course.

Rating: D+. That’s a pretty lame choice for an opener. Not only did the fans not get what they wanted but the match sucked as well. This was a dark time for the tag team division and there was no reason at all for there to be two sets of titles at this point. At the end of the day there wasn’t nearly enough depth and it made for lame matches like this. The Dudleys would get the belts next month.

Spike tries to run in for the save but Conway lays him out with the camera. Conway hasn’t been named here but I think the spoiler is ok at this point.

Coach says La Resistance was clever so Bubba accuses him of being anti-American and vows to get the belts back.

Eric Bischoff is warming up when Intercontinental Champion Christian comes up. He wants to know why he isn’t on the show but Bischoff blames Co-GM Steve Austin. Christian isn’t pleased but offers to be in Eric’s corner for his match later. Bischoff says he has his own plan and won’t answer what happens in the bedroom with Linda. Eric says he’ll tell everyone later.

We recap A-Train vs. Undertaker. A-Train (Tensai) is working for Vince who is in a semi-war with Taker, setting up tonight’s match. This would evolve into a bigger war soon enough.

Undertaker vs. A-Train

A-Train comes out with Vince’s mistress Sable and Undertaker has bad ribs. Feeling out process to start with A-Train grabbing a few headlocks for early control. Taker hits a quick Russian legsweep for two and he cranks on the arm to set up Old School. The second attempt works a bit better and Taker stays on the arm. A big boot misses and Taker falls out to the floor, reinjuring the ribs.

A-Train starts pounding away on the ribs and sends them into the barricade for two back in the ring. Taker gets in some shots to the ribs of his own for a breather but A-Train comes back with an impressive suplex to take him down. This is the kind of character A-Train was perfect as: a heavy who could do some impressive moves at times. A-Train fights out of a sleeper with a belly to back suplex but Taker hits a quick Snake Eyes to get a breather. A big boot misses the big bald head and a double clothesline puts each other down.

Taker wins a slugout after A-Train hung in there a lot longer than expected. Now the big boot sets up the legdrop (BROTHER) for two and another legdrop to the back of the head with A-Train on the apron has the bald one staggered. The Last Ride is easily broken up but the referee is bumped.

A-Train hits the Derailer (chokebomb) but the delayed count only gets two. Taker accidentally clotheslines the referee down again (the second match does NOT warrant two ref bumps) and A-Train brings in a chair, only to have it cracked over his own head for a near fall. A-Train escapes a tombstone but gets caught in a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. What are you expecting out of this match? This was back when Taker was pretty bad in the ring due to being completely unmotivated and bored with the biker character. Thankfully he would be the Dead Man again by Wrestlemania and would eventually reignite his career around 2007.

Post match Sable tries to seduce Taker for some reason but Stephanie comes in to go after her, presumably setting up a mixed tag.

Coach polls some fans on who wins the Chamber.

We recap Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff. Shane was feuding with Kane but Bischoff stopped them from fighting. Austin made Bischoff vs. Shane for that night but Kane interfered and cost Shane the match (he later tied Shane to the steps and electrocuted his testicles. It was stupid back then and it’s even worse now. This is what I had to deal with people).

Later, Bischoff caused JR to nearly be lit on fire, so Austin had to prevent a lawsuit by making Kane vs. Bischoff but Kane walked away for some reason, giving Bischoff the win by countout. This was a qualifying match for a Summerslam match with Kane, making our match tonight. Then Bischoff went to Linda’s house and pinned her arm behind her back and kissed her against her will.Think that’s enough to set up this match?

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Eric implies that he screwed Linda several times over that night. This brings out Shane to send Eric into the corner for a beating. Crossface punches send Bischoff to the floor but Shane clotheslines him in the back of the head. Back to ringside and Shane breaks the referee’s count (sidebar: why doesn’t that happen when both guys are on the floor and one guy slides back in at the last second?) before kicking away at Shane even more.

Bischoff is sent into the announce table and stomped down, only to have Coach come in with a chair and turning heel by helping Bischoff. The referee says ring the bell but Bischoff makes it No DQ and falls count anywhere. Shane is sent into the steps for two as Coach is playing the enforcer here. He holds Shane as Bischoff tells the production truck to turn off JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do commentary.

Bischoff starts firing off kicks as Coach does the eternally annoying JR impersonation. This keeps going for awhile until Shane gets in a right hand, only to be dropped by a low blow from Coach. Cue Steve Austin who can’t fight unless physically provoked. Shane shoves Coach into Austin which is enough for the beating to begin. Austin and Shane stomp Coach down in the corner and clear the ring. Austin has the mics turned back on as Shane grabs Eric’s hand and uses it to slap Austin’s face, meaning Austin can Stun Bischoff. That’s not good enough or Shane so he puts Eric on the table for the big elbow for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was a long segment instead of a match. Also to recap how stupid things were at this point, we’re supposed to be interested in Austin/Shane vs. Coach/Bischoff when Austin has equal power to Eric. We also have Stephanie vs. Sable, because EVERYONE wants to see the McMahons dominating the show. This is in addition to Evolution dragging Raw down the drain with the Kevin Nash and Goldberg feuds. See why 2003 is considered so bad?

Wrestlemania moment. Kind of an odd time for one of these but Shawn superkicking Bret was an awesome moment.

We see Kevin Nash getting ready. JR: “Nash is a street fighter at heart.” I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

Flair and HHH tell Orton to keep the title on the Game tonight and nothing more.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Eddie is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Eddie has ticked off all three challengers so they all want to take him out. The champion bails to the floor so everyone else can fight and we quickly get down to Rhyno vs. Benoit. Chris hooks a quick Crossface, drawing Eddie in for the save. Tajiri is back in as well but Eddie breaks up a cover. Everyone is in now and all three challengers go after Eddie at the same time.

Rhyno hits a running shoulder to Eddie’s ribs in the corner and powerslams him down for two but Benoit comes back with a German suplex. A belly to back gets two on Tajiri but Eddie makes another save. Benoit is suplexed to the floor and Eddie is left alone with Tajiri, only to have the challenger monkey flip Eddie down for two. Rhyno comes back in and sends Tajiri to the floor but Benoit wants to beat up Eddie himself, triggering a brawl between challengers.

Rhyno gets control again and superplexes Eddie down for two but Tajiri kicks him in the back of the head. Tajiri snaps off the handspring elbow for two on Chris but Rhyno sends Tajiri to the floor, only to have Eddie headscissor him out to the floor. Eddie hurricanranas Benoit out of the corner for two and it’s Tajiri in again for some hard kicks. Eddie hooks the Lasso From El Paso (Liontamer crossed with the Texas Cloverleaf) on Tajiri but Benoit stops Rhyno from making the save with the Crossface.

Tajiri makes the ropes so Eddie turns around to dropkick Benoit in the head for the save. Benoit grabs the Crossface on Guerrero but Rhyno and Tajiri make the double save. Rhyno hits a spinebuster for two on Tajiri but Benoit knocks Rhyno to the floor. Chris rolls some Germans on Tajiri but Tajiri reverses into one of his own for two on Benoit.

Tajiri catches a charging Benoit in the Tarantula and the distraction lets Eddie get the US Title to shield himself from Rhyno’s Gore. Tajiri breaks up the Frog Splash but gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Benoit Swan Dives Rhyno but Tajiri makes a last second save. Tajiri and Benoit fall to the floor and Eddie frog splashes Rhyno to retain.

Rating: B+. This was non-stop action for about eleven minutes and incredibly entertaining as a result. It’s a great example of how wrestling and action can be so much more interesting than whatever drama the McMahons have going on at the moment. Watching these four make save after save is WAY more fun than hearing about Bischoff forcing himself on Linda or Stephanie being FURIOUS with Sable over whatever affair her dad is having this month.

We recap Brock Lesnar destroying Zack Gowen on Smackdown (good for him). Lesnar had him COVERED in blood and rubbed the blood on his own chest. Gowen had his leg broken in two places so he couldn’t face Matt Hardy tonight. Matt declared himself the winner on Heat like a good heel would.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Angle lost to Brock in the main event of Wrestlemania, leading to Vengeance where Angle pinned Lesnar in a three way to get the title back. The two of them became best friends and friendly rivals, leading to Brock wanting a rematch. Vince said no, but if Lesnar can beat Vince in a cage with Angle as referee, he can have the shot. Before the match, someone attacked Brock and laid him out with a concussion. Brock popped up and turned on Angle, revealing that he’s working for Vince as the new heavy and getting the title shot for tonight. Vince called this the REAL Brock Lesnar.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending of course. Brock shoves him in the corner to show off the power so Angle starts getting lower. They hit the technical stuff on the mat but Brock escapes into a standoff. Brock quickly takes him down with a headscissors but it’s Angle escaping to another stalemate. Lesnar shoves him around with the power so Angle leverages him into the corner and says bring it on. Some quick armdrags send Brock out to the floor and various things are destroyed in frustration.

Lesnar picks up the belt and tries to walk out with it but Kurt pounds him down in the aisle to start the brawling. Back in and Angle snaps off the first overhead belly to belly for two before stomping him down in the corner. Brock comes right back with a gorilla press and throws Angle out to the floor. Angle is sent into the steps as this is far different from the Wrestlemania match. Back in and Brock hits a release belly to belly without leaving his feet.

Angle slips out of another gorilla press and gets two off an O’Connor Roll, only to walk into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. We hit the rear naked choke on Angle which is turned into a bodyscissors. Angle fights up but runs into a knee to the ribs to put him right back down. Kurt is pounded into the corner but grabs a rollup for two, only to be clotheslined back down. The story of this match isn’t working as well as their first fight. This is much more of a traditional wrestling match with good vs. evil and that’s not what these two are best at.

Lesnar comes right back with something like a Muscle Buster for two, followed up by shoulders to the ribs in the corner. Brock sends him into the corner to stay on the ribs and back before firing off more shoulders in the corner. Angle finally moves to avoid a charge, sending Brock shoulder first into the post. A dropkick takes Brock’s knee out and Angle rolls some Germans for a close two. Brock comes back with an overhead belly to belly of his own but Angle pops up and tries the Slam, only to be countered into a spinebuster for a close two. The fans are into this match.

Angle counters an F5 into a DDT and both guys are down. A delayed cover gets two for the champion and there go the straps. The Angle Slam connects but Brock is up at two as per tradition. In one of my favorite moments, Angle puts the straps up so he can take them back down, firing himself up even more. There’s the ankle lock but Brock makes a rope. Angle pulls him back so the rope doesn’t count in a questionable call, so Lesnar rolls out, bumping the referee in the process.

Lesnar sends him into the corner and Angle tries a sunset flip but stops before going down, wrapping his legs around Brock’s neck in a choke before putting on another ankle lock. Lesnar eventually taps but there’s no referee so here’s Vince with a chair to Angle’s back to break the hold. Brock gets to his one good foot and hits a pretty awesome one legged F5 for a delayed two. Vince demands another F5 but Angle counters into the ankle lock. Brock grabs the rope but again Angle pulls him to the middle for no break. Brock grabs all four bottom ropes but the referee doesn’t break it, forcing Brock to tap out.

Rating: B. It’s a good match but the ending never worked for me. At the end of the day, if you touch the ropes the hold is supposed to be broken. That’s wrestling 101, but for some reason it doesn’t count at the end of this match. The match was good but it was overbooked when you have these two being able to own whatever ring they’re in. The Vince stuff was annoying but that’s what you have to expect in WWE.

Post match Vince tries to jump Angle again but gets Angle Slammed through a chair for his efforts. And on Vince’s birthday too.

Goldberg is listening to an iPod to get ready. That’s such a wrong image.

Some Arizona Diamondbacks are here.

We recap Kane vs. RVD. They had been friends and tag champions but Kane lost a match to HHH, forcing him to unmask. This unleashed Kane’s inner demons for the 10^th time or so, turning him into a psycho who lit JR on fire. Kane swore everyone was laughing at him even though RVD told him everything was fine. Kane beat up RVD in a match and tombstoned Linda McMahon on a stage to start his feud with Shane, leading to a rematch with Rob here tonight.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Fink says this is No Holds Barred. So does that make Kane Zeus? JR calls Kane an inbred mongrel dog, which isn’t that high up on his list of sayings. Van Dam fires off right hands to start but Kane takes him to the floor with a few uppercuts. Kane charges into a boot and gets kicked in the face to put the monster down. Kane easily slugs him down and pulls out a ladder. Van Dam manages to smash the end of it to drive the ladder into Kane’s face, only to have Rolling Thunder caught by the throat.

RVD kicks out of the chokeslam but gets knocked out to the floor as the brawl continues. Kane sends him into the steps and is in full on monster mode. Back in and Van Dam scores with a kick and some shoulders to the ribs for two. Rob goes up top but gets shoved down onto the barricade to give Kane control again. A ladder to the face gets two back in the ring and a big clothesline puts Van Dam down again.

We hit the slow motion part of the match as Kane pounds on Van Dam very slowly to stop the crowd from being interested. Van Dam is backdropped to the floor but Kane badly botches the top rope clothesline, nearly falling on his head and dying. Kane avoids another ladder shot and DDTs Van Dam on he floor, only to have Rob catch a charging Kane in a drop toehold to send him face first into the steps. Kane is kicked into the crowd and crotched as he tries to come back to ringside.

Van Dam’s spin kick off the apron puts Kane down again as this match just keeps going. Back in and Rolling Thunder onto the chair crushes Kane but Rob can’t follow up. Kane sits up but gets caught by a Van Daminator. Rob loads up the Van Terminator but Kane rolls away at the last second. They head to the floor and Kane tombstones Rob onto the steps, killing him dead for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was an ok brawl but it went on WAY too long. At the end of the day this was just a rest stop on the way to Kane vs. Shane next month which was probably the more interesting feud anyway. The match was Van Dam trying his best but not being able to keep Kane down. It certainly wasn’t a squash but it wasn’t many steps above one.

Eric is annoyed that Terri is asking him questions. Linda comes in and slaps Bischoff in the face.

HHH looks at the world title.

The Chamber is lowered.

We recap the world title match. There isn’t much to this other than HHH is injured and can’t fight Goldberg one on one so we get an Elimination Chamber instead. Goldberg is in for obvious reasons, Jericho and Nash have been feuding lately, Orton is there to give HHH a hand and Shawn is there for past issues with HHH. This gets the music video treatment, set to St. Anger by Metallica.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

After about 12 minutes of entrances we start with Shawn vs. Jericho, who will go for three minutes. After that time is up, a pod will open to release another wrestler. Three more minutes and another pod opens. This repeats until everyone is in and it’s last man standing wins. Eliminations can occur at any time and have to take place in the ring, not on the cage floor outside the ring next to the pods. They trade hammerlocks to start until Jericho rolls through a cross body for two.

They trade chain wrestling moves into a pinfall reversal sequence as the fans chant for Goldberg. Back up and Shawn slaps him in the face before backdropping him down. Jericho’s Walls attempt is countered into a small package for two but Jericho comes back with a bulldog to take Shawn down. JR screws up the world title continuity by saying the title has only changed hands once in Phoenix, but that’s the other world title. Not that it matters to WWE but they make such a big deal about the continuity that it’s worth pointing out.

Anyway Orton is #3 and gets two off a high cross to Shawn. Michaels is clotheslined to the cage floor but he comes back in to pound away on Jericho. Randy dropkicks him down and stomps Jericho down against the ropes but can’t RKO Shawn. Instead Orton is sent to the cage floor by a combined effort, only to have Jericho put Shawn in the Walls. Kevin Nash is in at #4 to make the save and go after Jericho as Shawn and Orton brawl in the ring. Jericho’s face is rubbed against the cage to give us our first blood.

Nash (with short blonde hair here for a movie) cleans house but walks into a superkick into a rollup for the pin by Jericho. Nash was in there about two minutes or so. HHH is #5 but Shawn superkicks him before he can get out of the pod to make sure the injured champion doesn’t have to do much. Nash lays out Jericho, Orton and Shawn with Jackknives, leaving everyone down for a massive dead spot. Shawn is busted as well.

They finally get back up to slug it out as JR talks about Oklahoma for no apparent reason. Here’s Goldberg at #6 to FINALLY wake the crowd up a bit. He cleans house and clotheslines Jericho and Shawn down before spearing Orton down for the pin, leaving us with four. Jericho hits a quick missile dropkick for two on Goldberg but he launches Chris into the cage to put him back down.

Goldberg sends Shawn into the corner before spearing Jericho through the glass pod. Goldberg is dazed though, allowing Shawn to drop the elbow to set up Sweet Chin Music. This is Goldberg though so the kick is blocked by a spear and the Jackhammer gets us down to three. A quick spear and Jackhammer to Jericho leaves us with HHH vs. Goldberg. HHH is still in the pod as he’s been in the match for about six minutes now and literally hasn’t done anything.

Flair shoves the pod door closed to save HHH so Goldberg kicks the pod door in so we can actually have a match. Goldberg pounds away in the pod before sending HHH face first into the cage. The champion is busted open but he FINALLY gets in a kick to the leg and sends Goldberg into the cage. Goldberg comes right back with a clothesline and they head into the ring. The spear is loaded up but hits the sledgehammer that Flair slid in, keeping the title on HHH.

Rating: C-. This didn’t work very well and the ending sums up everything wrong with Raw in 2003. The fans were primed for a Goldberg title win, HHH was injured and had no business being in the match anyway, Goldberg dominated the match, HHH literally hit two offensive moves in ten minutes of match time, but HHH uses the sledgehammer to retain the title. Yeah Goldberg got the title a month later, but THIS is the match people remember because THIS is the big show. HHH wins at the big show, the monster wins the next month at the B show. Does this sound familiar to fans in 2013?

As for the rest of the match, there’s nothing going on here. It’s less than twenty minutes long from bell to bell and the three minute intervals really hold this down. No one had time to do anything, making it more like the 1995 Rumble than anything else. It’s just not very good and the ending sucked whatever life it had out of the match. Again, 2003 Raw just wasn’t that good and this match sums up why.

Post match HHH and Evolution gets to destroy Goldberg again with the hammer to really pound in who is the star. Goldberg is handcuffed to the cage so HHH can shove the belt in his face and remind him who the champion is to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There’s some good stuff on here but the HHH factor drags it down again. I’ve said this a lot tonight but 2003 just wasn’t a good year overall. It’s a bunch of matches and feuds that people don’t want to see but we have the same McMahon nonsense over and over again because WWE is their playground and they can do whatever they like. Over on Raw HHH gets to keep the title FOREVER despite being hurt and having beasts like Benoit and Guerrero waiting in the wings to be the next guys. Did they pan out in the end? No, but at this point no one knew that was the case and HHH got the title as a result.

Ratings Comparison

La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: C

Redo: D+

A-Train vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D

Eric Bischoff vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D

Redo: N/A

Tajiri vs. Rhyno vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B-

Redo: B+

Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: B

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Goldberg vs. HHH vs. Kevin Nash vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Original: D

Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: C

So I liked almost all of the matches more or the same the first time, but the overall rating is much higher this time. Not surprising.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/06/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2003-brock-vs-angle-ii/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $5 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books as low as $4 at:

Summerslam 2002
Date: August 25, 2002
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 14,797
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Jim Ross

The main story coming into this show would be the Brand Split but that’s not really an issue here as the main four PPVs weren’t brand exclusive. As for the show itself it’s another double main event with Rock defending his WWE (yeah E) Title against a beast named Brock Lesnar and the returning Shawn Michaels fighting his best friend HHH in a street fight. This is considered one of the best shows of all time so hopefully it holds up. Let’s get to it.

There’s no opening video this year for some reason.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey beat Angle in a tag match and has been an annoyance for him lately. This is right after Mysterio debuted as part of probably the best year for new talent in company history. In 2002 WWE got Mysterio, Brock Lesnar, Batista, Randy Orton and a guy named Cena. This is when Rey’s knees weren’t held together by glue so it should be awesome. Rey comes in from behind and takes Angle down with a quick springboard dropkick but he has to go to the ropes to escape the ankle lock. An early 619 attempt misses and Angle pulls him to the floor. Very fast start.

Angle kicks at the leg as they come back in. An uppercut staggers Rey and a wheelbarrow suplex puts him down. Rey grabs the rope to avoid a German and gets a quick two off a rollup. Kurt gets two off a backbreaker and bends Rey’s back around the ropes. The fans are all over Angle but he shrugs off some forearms and catches a headscissors into a side slam for two.

Off to a wicked half crab on Rey but he somehow sneaks out and gets two off a rollup. Kurt takes his head off with a clothesline, only to get caught in a jawbreaker. Rey tries to speed things up but walks into the overhead belly to belly. There go the straps but Rey armdrags out of the Angle Slam and sends Angle to the floor. Rey loads up a dive but the referee stops him, drawing the most heat of the night. Mysterio will have none of that and dives OVER THE REFEREE to take Angle out.

Back in and a springboard legdrop gets two as the crowd is on fire. Rey tries a victory roll but gets caught in the ankle lock. Mysterio rolls out and send Angle to the ropes for the 619. The West Coast Pop gets a VERY close two and a spinwheel kick puts Angle down again. Mysterio goes up top but Angle runs the ropes for the suplex, only to have Rey flip over him but he tweaks the ankle on the landing. He’s fine enough to pop back up and dropkick Angle on the corner though and he loads up a hurricanrana. Angle falls forward on it though and the ankle lock is good for the submission.

Rating: A-. EXCELLENT opener here with Mysterio showing he could hang with anyone in the company. He really was amazing to watch when he wasn’t banged up and bloated like he is today and this might be his best match ever. This was a great choice for an opener and both guys looked amazing.

Eric Bischoff (Raw) and Stephanie McMahon (Smackdown) agree to share the GM’s office tonight.

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Flair is a legend, Jericho is a young punk. This led to Jericho running down Flair over and over again so Flair destroyed a bunch of Jericho’s band Fozzy’s equipment as they were performing on Raw. Jericho takes him into the corner so Flair slaps him in the face. Feeling out process to start as Flair looks to be in a dancing mood tonight. A backdrop puts Flair down and a belly to back suplex does the same.

Back up and Flair hits some LOUD chops to take over. They head to the corner and it’s Jericho firing off some chops of his own to set up a Flair Flip in the corner. A clothesline puts Flair on the floor and Jericho hits an elbow off the top to crush him against the barricade. Back in and Jericho fires off punches before doing a little dance. The Canadian gets two off a middle rope missile dropkick and chokes Flair with some tape. Flair fires off some chops but gets dropped by a single right hand.

Jericho goes up top but Flair pulls a page out of every opponent he’s ever had to slam him down. Chris misses a charge into the corner and Flair backdrops him down. NOW we go to school but Jericho escapes a suplex and tries the Walls. Flair rolls out but Jericho hits an enziguri to put Naitch down again.

The Lionsault misses and Flair goes back to the chops to take over. Flair tries a half crab but Jericho escapes and puts Flair in the Figure Four. Ric makes the rope but taps out anyway, which isn’t a submission apparently. There’s a rule clarification if you ever need one. The referee goes to tell the timekeeper that the match is still going, allowing Flair to hit a low blow and put on the Figure Four for the submission. Don’t bother setting up the move or anything Ric.

Rating: C. I’m sorry for not having much of note to say but it’s almost impossible to add stuff to good matches. Nice match here as Flair gets to be the dirtiest player in the game again but it wasn’t anything spectacular. Jericho was still awesome as a heel and it felt good to see Flair make a comeback and beat him in the middle of the ring. This was at a point when Flair could still look decent in a pair of trunks so it wasn’t an embarrassment at all.

Heyman gives Brock a pep talk for the main event tonight. Brock is in Rock’s head and the next big thing arrives tonight. This is when Brock was the unstoppable monster instead of being HHH cannon fodder for a year. I still can’t get over that it lasted that long.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Edge is still finding his footing as a singles guy and the potential is through the roof, so the solution is the same as it was with DDP back in 97: put him with really talented people who can make him look awesome. This resulted in Edge vs. Regal, Angle and Guerrero for about six months, making everyone love Edge like few thought possible. Apparently Eddie is jealous of Edge’s popularity and his status as a sex symbol. Cole’s words, not mine.

Technical stuff to start until Edge suplexes Eddie to the apron but gets his neck snapped across the top rope. Edge comes back with a hot shot and a standing powerslam for two before tying Eddie up in the ropes. There’s the spear to Eddie’s ribs but Eddie avoids the second attempt to send the Canadian to the floor. Edge is holding his shoulder (the spear arm) and Eddie has something to focus on. The bad shoulder goes into the steps and Edge is in trouble.

Back in and Eddie DDTs the arm before driving some elbows into the shoulder. A jumping DDT to the arm off the top gets two and it’s off to a keylock. Edge finally gets to a rope so Eddie stomps even harder on the shoulder. Now it’s a cross face chickenwing of all moves shifted into a Fujiwara Armbar. Back up and Eddie belly to back suplexes him down but stays on the arm with a top wristlock. Edge finally slams him down to get a breather and fires off some clotheslines.

The half nelson faceplant gets two and Edge suplexes Eddie to the floor. A cross body off the top to the floor puts Guerrero down but Edge injures the shoulder again. Back in and Edge goes up but has to counter a superplex into a front superplex for two on Eddie. Edge loads up the spear but Eddie dropkicks him in the shoulder to put him down.

The frog splash hits knees and there’s the Edgecution for two. Another Edgecution is countered into a northern lights and Eddie hits the frog splash onto the bad shoulder for two. Some IDIOTS are chanting boring at this. Eddie goes up again but gets slammed down allowing Edge to hit the spear (with the bad shoulder with no problem) for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was chugging right along until the STUPID ending. You cannot have Eddie working over on the arm for ten minutes and then hit the finisher like it’s nothing. What’s the point in even working on the arm if that’s how you end the match? It was going fine until that point but the ending just stopped it cold, much like the spear should have done for Edge.

The Un-Americans are ready to beat Booker T and Goldust to prove that America sucks. The only bad part though is they have to do it here in Long Island. This is a classic gimmick and would work at almost any point in history.

Raw Tag Titles: Goldust/Booker T vs. Un-Americans

The Un-Americans are Lance Storm and Christian (with Test) and they have the gold coming in. Goldust and Christian start with the Canadian being run over and uppercutted down for two. Off to Storm who gets caught in an atomic drop and it’s Booker T in to fire off right hands. Booker drops a big knee for two and brings in Goldust, only to have Storm poke him in the eye to take over.

The fans chant USA like the true xenophobes they are. We get some classic heel cheating as the Canadians double team until Christian gets two off a backbreaker. Back to Storm who walks into a kind of Boss Man Slam but Christian distracts the referee so the hot tag doesn’t count. The beating continues but Goldust catapults Christian into Storm to buy himself some time.

Goldust slaps the mat to try to fire up the crowd but Storm takes out Booker again so there’s no one for Goldie to tag. The champions miss a Conchairto and NOW the hot tag goes through. Booker cleans house and lays in the chops to Christian. A missile dropkick gets two but Booker accidentally superkicks the referee. Booker hits a double ax kick to take out both champions and there’s the Spinarooni. Christian is kicked down but here’s Test with a big boot to lay out Booker, giving Christian the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a BIG step down from what we’ve had so far tonight. The match was just dull and nothing we haven’t seen done better a hundred times. Booker and Goldust had chemistry and fan support so we had to wait four months for them to get the titles. The Un-Americans were a find midcard heel act but the titles should have changed here.

Nidia is at The World (WWF New York) and makes out with a fan for some reason.

Bischoff and Stephanie continue their stupid back and forth.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending and a Smackdown guy in this brand vs. brand match. Van Dam hits some quick kicks to send Benoit to the outside but Benoit takes him down back inside. Van Dam spins away from a kick in the corner and hits a spinning cross body out of the corner for two. Benoit ducks another kick and hits a great release German suplex to take over. An elbow to the face gets two more for Benoit and it’s time to work on the back.

Benoit gets another near fall off a backbreaker and a snap suplex gets the same. Off to an armbar as Benoit wants the shoulder now. Rob gets some quick twos off rollups but Benoit runs him over with another elbow to the face. Benoit runs into a boot in the corner but the split legged moonsault hits knees. The Swan Dive misses but Benoit rolls away from the Five Star as well.

Now the Crossface goes on for a good while but Van Dam makes the ropes. The challenger goes up but Benoit shoves him off the top and shoulder first into the barricade. Back in and Benoit hits a shoulder breaker (see that people? It’s called psychology. LEARN IT!) for two as the fans are distracted by something. Benoit wisely puts on a rest hold until their attention is back again.

They trade cross arm chokes with Benoit taking over again. Van Dam kicks his leg out but misses Rolling Thunder, allowing Benoit to put on the Crossface again. Rob elbows out but gets rolled up for two. Benoit goes back to the arm and sends him shoulder first into the post. A northern lights suplex onto the arm has Van Dam….looking confused and two more don’t really change that.

Back to the Crossface and Van Dam looks more annoyed than anything else. Rob (with his hair down for maybe the only time I ever remember) makes the rope and puts a Crossface on Benoit for a few seconds. A jumping kick to the face puts Benoit down for two and now Rolling Thunder connects.

Van Dam hits a shoulder to the ribs but injures the shoulder again (thanks for selling Rob). Not that it matters though as he kicks Benoit in the face for two. Rob gets crotched on the top but counters a belly to back superplex into a cross body to put both guys down. Van Dam pops up and hits the Five Star for the pin and the title. Extra points for Rob doing the finger point from the mat when he’s announced as the new champion.

Rating: B. This bad shoulder selling is getting on my nerves. Benoit had RVD in one of the best submissions ever three different times and Van Dam looked like he had a five year old child on his leg. The rest of the match however was very solid with Rob hanging in there with Benoit who was his usual awesome self.

Stephanie, having just lost the IC Title to Raw (giving them all the belts I believe) laughs. This story continued to not make sense until they just gave up.

Video on the Un-Americans who hate American. Undertaker wasn’t going to stand for this and turned face to deal with them. Well among other reasons but this was his first major feud as a face.

Undertaker vs. Test

Feeling out process to start with Taker sending Test into the corner and cranking on the arm. A big clothesline takes Test down for two but he shoves the referee into the ropes to break up Old School. Test sends him into the steps and into the turnbuckle to keep Taker in trouble. A running clothesline in the corner staggers Taker and it’s off to an armbar. Taker suplexes out but misses an elbow drop as this continues to drag.

Test misses an elbow as well and now Old School connects. Snake Eyes connects but Test ducks the big boot. Taker shoves him off and hits the chokeslam for two. Christian and Storm come in as a distraction but take a chokeslam each, allowing Test to hit his big boot for two. Test tries a chair shot but hits the ropes, sending it back into his own face. The Tombstone finishes this.

Rating: D. This wasn’t horrible but come on. It’s Undertaker vs. Test at the second biggest show of the year with Test being as an Un-American. Did you really expect ANY other result here? The match was passable enough but it’s definitely the lame match on the show. To be fair though it’s not even nine minutes long and it’s not a disaster.

Now let’s get to the real reason this show rocks.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. HHH. They were best friends back in the late 90s but Shawn broke his back and had to retire. Over the next four years, HHH rose to the top of the company and a higher level than Shawn ever achieved. Shawn came back to Raw and offered to reform DX, but HHH laid him out, saying they were never friends and he just used Shawn.

Then someone rammed Shawn through a windshield and HHH vowed to find out who it was. Shawn found security video revealing it was HHH, who said he did it to prove Shawn is vulnerable. Shawn’s doctors said he’d make a full recovery. Say by, Summerslam? The match isn’t sanctioned and is a street fight because it couldn’t be anything else. This is a great example of a feud based on hatred instead of some convoluted idea and it made the match much better.

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Shawn is in jeans tonight to hide the knee braces. Michaels comes out with right hands but HHH sends him to the outside. Not that it matters as Shawn is right back inside with more right hands. HHH is tossed to the floor and Shawn hits a nice dive to take him out. Remember that this is Shawn’s first match since March of 1998, or four and a half years ago.

A clothesline puts HHH down again and it’s garbage can time. HHH gets in a shot to the ribs and drops Shawn face first onto the barricade to get a breather. Shawn comes back in and is tossed over the top again but he skins the cat to a big pop. A trashcan shot caves in HHH’s head and a top rope fist to the head puts him down again. Shawn tunes up the band but HHH counters into a backbreaker to get to the meat of the match.

Another backbreaker has Shawn in agony and flopping like a fish as only he can. HHH gives a crotch chop and kicks Shawn down with ease. It’s chair time but a shot to the back only gets two. Shawn escapes a suplex into an O’Connor Roll for two but walks into a facebuster. A DDT onto the chair is only good for two but Shawn is busted open. HHH takes off Shawn’s belt and whips him in the back as the screaming continues.

And now it’s sledgehammer time. Shawn gets in some shots to the ribs to escape and HHH drops the hammer. The fans are behind HBK but he gets whipped into the corner and it’s off to the abdominal stretch. HHH gets caught holding the ropes and Hebner physically breaks the hold before yelling HHH into the corner. They slug it out again and HHH loads up a superplex but Shawn shoves him off, only to get crotched. HHH blasts Shawn’s wide open back with the chair and the crowd is somber.

A backbreaker onto the chair has Shawn lying motionless but HHH only gets two. He covers a few more times and HHH is very frustrated. A side slam onto the chair gets another two as JR screams for a fast count. Shawn counters a Pedigree onto the chair with a low blow and both guys are down. The HBK chant starts up again and HHH has the chair superkicked into his face. Now HHH is busted open too and Shawn slugs away before hitting the forearm and the nipup to blow the roof off the place.

Shawn backdrops him down and cracks HHH in the head with the chair. HHH is whipped over the corner and out to the floor where Shawn gets to beat on him with the belt. Shawn knocks him onto the announce table and hits him in the head with Hugo Savinovich’s shoe (Lawler: “A heel for a heel!”). HHH is sent into the steps and here’s a ladder being slammed into HHH’s face.

Some shots to the ribs have HHH screaming and the ladder is placed against the post with HHH being catapulted face first into the steel. That’s only good for two so Shawn heads outside again to get the ladder. HHH baseball slides the ladder into Michaels and pounds away at the cut head. For some reason HHH tries to come in off the top and gets caught in a superplex for two.

The crowd is losing their minds off these kickouts. A sunset flip gets two for Shawn but he gets caught by the knee to the face for two. HHH brings in the steps but Shawn drop toeholds him face first into the steel. A clothesline puts HHH on the floor and Shawn puls out a table. Well why not since we’ve used everything else.

Shawn puts him on the table and splashes him from the top rope in the big spot of the match. Both guys are DONE and the fans are in awe. Shawn sends the ladder back inside, says he loves us all, and drops the elbow from the top. Michaels has that look in his eye and tunes up the band but HHH catches the kick coming in. He loads up the Pedigree but Shawn sweeps the legs and rolls HHH up for the pin to blow the roof off the place again.

Rating: A+. Anyone who has read my stuff over the years knows I do not like a lot of things about HHH. For tonight, forget all that because this is one of the best matches of all time. I’ve seen this match several times and it still had me smiling to see Shawn make comeback after comeback and give HHH every single thing he deserved. It goes to show how great Shawn is as he came in after being gone nearly FIVE YEARS and does this. That’s remarkable when you think about it and is one of the greatest performances of all time.

Let’s talk about the match a little bit. It’s an excellent example of how to book a comeback, which is probably Shawn’s greatest strength. Shawn had the people believing that he was DEAD but he kept hanging in there time after time and made the huge comeback just like the crowd wanted. The other thing that works so well is the ending which a lot of people overlook.

The crux of this match was the destruction of both guys and seeing how far they could take it. At the end though, Shawn uses a basic wrestling counter and a cradle to win, totally shifting gears and beating HHH, the Cerebral Assassin, by thinking. That’s INCREDIBLE psychology and the perfect way to end this match. All in all, it’s a masterpiece and arguably the best performance of all time, all things considered.

Post match HHH becomes the universal evil by hitting Shawn square in the back with the sledgehammer and leaving him laying. Shawn is taken out on a stretcher.

Now that we’ve had that amazing match, it’s time for something completely stupid. Howard Finkel of all people has something to say. He’s been here forever and while Major League Baseball may be going on strike, he’ll be here forever. This brings out Trish Stratus who slapped him in the face recently. Howard insults Long Island women and Trish says he has a sexy voice. He makes unfunny references and they hug but it’s a ruse to have Lillian Garcia come in and kick Howard low.

We recap Rock vs. Lesnar. Brock is the new monster and Rock is the warrior champion and there isn’t much more to it than that. The videos of Rocky going through special training (actually for The Rundown) were pretty awesome.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar has his agent Paul Heyman with him. Rock charges into the ring and walks into a belly to belly suplex for two. Lesnar hits a pair of backbreakers for two and we head to the floor with Brock clotheslining him into the crowd. Apparently Rock has bad ribs coming into this match. Back in and Brock hits another overhead belly to belly suplex for two before dropping some elbows. A powerslam puts Rock down for two as this is one sided so far. Brock fires off some shoulder in the corner but misses a charge and hits the post.

Rock hits a belly to back suplex of his own and both guys are down. Both guys nip up at the same time and Rock isn’t sure what to think. Rock hits some clotheslines but it takes three of them to finally drop Brock. The champion hooks a Sharpshooter and Brock is in trouble. Heyman throws in a chair which distracts Rocky, allowing Lesnar to to get out and blast Rock in the ribs with the chair. Off to the bearhug which ended Hogan and takes Rock down to the mat here.

The fans are entirely behind Lesnar here which is very strange to hear. Rock doesn’t let his arm drop a third time and now we get a Rocky chant. The champion finally escapes the hold but gets a hard shoulder into the ribs to slow him down again. Rock comes out of the corner with a running clothesline and the crowd reaction is mixed at best. A series of right hands knocks Lesnar out to the floor and Rock loads up the announce table. After scaring Heyman to death, Rock launches Lesnar face first into the post.

There’s a Rock Bottom through the table for Heyman and the announcers couldn’t be happier. Back in and the Rock Bottom hits Lesnar for a VERY close two. The fans shift affiliation again, now cheering for Brock. Their current hero hits a Rock Bottom of his own for two and both guys stagger to their feet. Rock hits the spinebuster but as he loads up the Elbow, Brock pops up and hits a HUGE clothesline. Here comes the F5 but Rock escapes and tries the Rock Bottom. That and another attempt at the same move are both countered and the F5 gives Lesnar the title.

Rating: B-. The match was just ok until the very hot finish, but the last two minutes or so made up for a lot of the earlier problems. This was a great example of how to make a guy like Lesnar look like a monster. Rock left to film The Rundown immediately after this so Lesnar was the only one left standing. Great way to put Brock over here and a pretty solid match overall.

Lesnar celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. As I said this is considered one of the best shows of all time and it’s easy to see why. The main event was the start of a new era in the company, there’s a masterpiece of a match, the upper half of the card is stacked and the worst match is passable. I can’t put it as high as Wrestlemania X7 on the all time scale but the fact that it’s even in the conversations speaks volumes. This is absolutely worth seeing though and HHH vs. Shawn is must see.

Ratings Comparison

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A+

Redo: A-

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Original: B

Redo: C

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Un-Americans vs. Booker T/Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B

Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Test

Original: D

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Original: A+

Redo: A+

The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Still a masterpiece.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/05/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-2002-best-summerslam-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $5 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books as low as $4 at:

Over the last few years wrestling television has changed from a show of squashes to what you see today with the stories being advanced every week for two or three hours a night. However there are a few changes in how the shows could be presented from week to week that could help things a lot. Today we’re going to look at how WWE screws up the advertising of their show and how easily this could be fixed. Let’s get to it.

This was originally going to be part of another I Want To Talk A Little Bit About but it evolved into its own. I could get used to this.

The other day I was reading and at the start of the book there was a table of contents. It’s a basic idea and tells you what you’re going to get in the book you’re reading. Last night’s Raw (August 5, 2013) was a pretty stacked show, with John Cena, Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Rob Van Dam and Shield in action. Of all those guys, two were announced early in the show. The other six were announced as being in action over an hour into the broadcast.

Now jump with me back to 1987. The main WWF show was Superstars of Wrestling and it always had the same intro: Vince and company telling us the wrestlers we would be seeing on the card. It might not include their opponents (as more often than not they would be in a squash match) but you would see who was wrestling that day and you knew inside the first 40 seconds of the show. In other words, it was like you had a table of contents that was telling you what you were going to see on the show that night.

This brings us to today’s shows where you often hear only one or two matches at the start of the show. You can probably guess that certain people will be on the show, but it’s really a guessing game. In other words, you have to judge the book by its cover instead of actually knowing what you’re going to be getting that night. Now, this is a bad idea and let’s take a look at a few reasons why.

First and foremost, if you know what you’re getting later, there’s a good chance the fans of those people are going to stick around. Suppose you’re a Randy Orton fan. If you’re watching Raw and hear that he’s going to be in a match against anyone that night, odds are you’re going to stick around. Many fans would stick around no matter who it’s against, but on occasion it’s going to be against someone that people aren’t going to be interested in.

This brings us to the second point of advertising the matches: pick what you mention. For instance, last night we had Rob Van Dam facing the World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio. That’s a very popular former world champion in a rematch with a world champion that people would like to see. In other words, it’s a match worth mentioning at the top of the show. On the other hand, a few weeks back we had CM Punk vs. Darren Young. The way to advertise that: “CM Punk will be in action later tonight.”

Going back to Raw from last night, the main event was a six man tag between Shield and Daniel Bryan/Randy Orton/John Cena. The match was announced at roughly 9:15 and the opening bell was about an hour and forty five minutes later. That’s a big match but it’s only getting 105 minutes of time to build. This move causes another set of problems which can be rectified in just a few easy steps.

We’ll start with the most obvious problem: it’s not enough time to get the word out. If you weren’t watching in a span of less than two hours, you had no idea the match was happening by the end of the show and you’ll miss the match. These are three world champion caliber guys fighting the top three man team in years with potential world title implications. Daniel Bryan also happens to be the hottest act in the world right now and Cena is his opponent at the second biggest show of the year where Orton might cash in his shot at the title. And this gets less than two hours of build.

Here’s the simple solution: announce the match for next week’s show. It’s a simple solution: you give it seven days to build up to the match instead of half a show and people have a chance to hear about it and anticipate it. Think about Wrestlemania 28. The main event had over a year to build up and it made a fortune. It’s a simple principle: give it more time and people will be more interested.

Now what can you do in this week? You can use that social media that WWE is head over heels for to talk about the match. Have Bryan, Cena and Orton cut promos and put them on the App and have Shield respond to give the match another reason (sidebar: why did Shield come down in the first place? It was never explained, likely due to not having enough time) to happen. Have Orton Tweet about possibly cashing in the briefcase on Cena if he’s vulnerable. Which is more interesting? Hearing Orton tease a cash-in or hearing a 15 year old from Ogallala, Nebraska talk about how much he’s looking forward to something.

Think of the whole thing in practical terms. If you go to a restaurant to buy some food for the night, it’s not all in plain brown bags. It’s on a menu which tells you exactly what you’re getting. You don’t buy some mystery bag and hope you get something good in it. You look at what’s presented and pick something if you think it looks good. The same idea is true of wrestling: if you like what’s offered to you that night, you’ll stick around for the show and stay until you get what you agreed to stick around for.

It also solves another problem: what was going to fill in the rest of the card? This is one of those things that gets on my nerves with general manager characters. Suppose Orton, Bryan or Shield hadn’t come out during that segment? What was Maddox supposed to be filling in the rest of his show with? You book that main event in advance and the show is much more logical, as you have a match for the show coming in and aren’t booking things on the fly.

Booking things in advance also keeps the card from changing around all the time. Instead of mentioning something and then never following up on the idea later on because there’s no bridge to the next week, you already have a match set up in advance and can build the show around that. If nothing else it could help prevent continuity errors like something being brought up one week and never mentioned or followed up on the next.

Finally, there’s another out for the WWE by advertising the matches in advance. If a majority of the matches are announced in advance and someone sticks around because they want to see something but doesn’t like it, they only have themselves to blame. You knew what you were offered, you agreed to stick around, potentially for hours on end, and you wanted to see a match. If it turns out the match sucks, you can’t blame WWE for it as it was your idea. It’s better than having someone wait up and then say “I waited two hours for THAT? Screw this company.”

Overall, WWE has a lot of good stuff to offer its fans but it goes about telling them those matches exist very badly. Whether it’s giving them just over an hour and a half’s notice that a match is coming or not letting the match build itself up at all or offering WWE the Mystery Meat of the Day card and hoping you like what you get, there are distinct problems with the way the shows are advertised. Fix these things up and the shows would easily attract a bigger audience.

Heat Wave 1998
Date: August 2, 1998
Location: Hara Arena, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 4,376
Commentator: Joey Styles

So apparently it’s ok to have no pay per views over the entire summer as it’s been three months since Wrestlepalooza. There are a few changes here. For one thing, guys like Mike Awesome and Masato Tanaka are here now, bringing a completely new style to ECW which was needed. Shane is of course still world champion and not wrestling tonight for no adequately explained reason.

The main event is a street fight, which is an oxymoron in ECW, between the Dudleys and Dreamer, Sandman and Spike. There is also a rather famous tag match with Van Dam and Sabu who have FINALLY ended the Storm and Candido tag title reign against Hayabusa and Jinsei Shinzaki (Hakushi). This is considered a classic but I’m not so sure that Sabu and classic can go together so we’ll just see. Let’s get to it.

Oh hey the world champion is on commentary tonight. Also all seven matches are main event matches apparently. Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose or something?

Joey introduces Francine (holy goodness) and Shane to be his co-hosts. After talking about Taz because they have to keep building up the freaking thing for another 5 months, Francine shoves Joey’s face into her chest.

Cue theme song and opening video.

We have a more traditional ECW entrance ramp now with the hole in the brick wall that they would use forever.

Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn

These two had a best of 21 series over a summer. Justin has a mob with him more or less. Naturally we get a shot at Chyna as they say Bass is bigger. Joey says they should name her Russia. Considering there was a chick in WCW named Asya, that’s kind of funny. This is the final match of said best of 21 series. Lynn of course comes out alone.

Apparently they’re feeling each other out. What the heck? THIS IS THEIR TWENTY FIRST MATCH IN THREE MONTHS. That’s a match every FOUR DAYS. How much feeling out do you need? Lynn is freaking MOVING out there. The tombstone is reversed into a rollup. Shane of course runs down Flair and Shawn even though that has nothing to do with anything.

I love how one of his first jobs in mainstream wrestling was being half of the New Rockers when Shawn was hurt. We’ll ignore that though. The first chair is in 15 minutes into the show. Well at least they waited a bit. We’re on the floor now and in full brawl mode. At least we got some wrestling stuff first so it balances out. Justin takes a DDT on the chair which should knock him out but of course it doesn’t.

That’s followed up by a hurricanrana through a table. I get that this is the last of the series, but dang man could you be a bit less contrived? To be fair though, this is a big match and not just a random pairing. Lynn keeps using the Tiger Bomb for some reason. Did he not have the Cradle Piledriver yet? Chastity gets a tombstone and Joey is glad. After an odd sequence, a tombstone from the second rope ends this with Justin winning.

Rating: C-. The weapons were a turn off for me as was all of the interference, but anyone that can have a best of 21 series is pretty decent. That’s a good way to describe Justin actually. Lynn impressed me here far more as he was carrying this. That’s Justin’s problem I think: he doesn’t do much and his offense is REALLY limited. It’s punch, taunt, chair move, taunt, tombstone. That doesn’t make you a good wrestler or character, but Heyman thought he was I guess.

We recap Storm vs. Candido and how they lost the belts to Van Dam and Sabu. Tonight is the one on one match.

Lance Storm vs. Chris Candido

Sunny looks freaking HOT. Joey thinks that maybe they’re getting along again and this will be a nice wrestling match. Naturally that doesn’t happen and Joey says he knew it wouldn’t. It’s funnier than it sounds. They chop the heck out of each other. DANG IT JOEY QUIT SAYING THE SAME THINGS I SAY!!! Candido gets a nice dive from the top rope to the floor. Freaking sweet looking.

Storm rolls Sunny in and then just lets her roll out again in a completely pointless sequence. This is a rather basic but intense match. Storm hits a SWEET springboard over the railing to crash into Candido. It’s a solid brawl but it’s really not that great. Storm gets another SWEET move with a spin kick off the middle rope.

We have our fifth Batista/Tiger Bomb (yes I know they’re different moves but Joey keeps saying it’s a Tiger Bomb so whatever) of the night. You don’t have to do the same move over and over again. Candido gets powder thrown in his own eyes but there goes the referee. Sunny crotches Storm on the top and the super powerbomb ends this. Oh and along the way Sunny got her top ripped off. Sunny needs to wear red more often. My freaking goodness!

Rating: C+. Not bad, but it felt like it ended all of a sudden. I mean there were some ok high spots here, but for the most part there just wasn’t a lot going on. It was about 11 minutes but it felt like five.

New Jack says he’s ready for whoever he’s fighting in a pretaped thing in the parking lot. A huge brawl breaks out and he curses way too much. They Dudleys and the Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks were in there. Jack is hurt apparently. Aww there’s no weapons match tonight. FOR SHAME!

Sabu, Van Dam and Alfonso are ready. Van Dam is on the verge of a face turn.

Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka

These two feuded for the better part of ever and Tanaka usually would win if you can believe that. Awesome was just a freak of nature to say the least. In a little known bit of trivia, Awesome is the step nephew of one Hulk Hogan. Awesome could do just about everything and jumped all over the ring like Rey Mysterio, but he was the size of Test or so. And there he goes with a huge dive over the top rope.

Tanaka gets a running start with a chair to nail Awesome in the freaking head. That looked painful. Basically all Tanaka can do is blast him with a chair. I’m not saying that’s all he’s capable of, but that that’s all he can get to work. A huge splash hits as this is rather physical. It’s not great but it’s far from bad as well. Tanaka takes a bunch of chair shots to the head but he Rises Up as the chair looks diseased.

The Awesome Bomb connects but Awesome wants to use a table instead. I hate those stupid things. A chair shot from the top which should have killed Tanaka connects and still no cover. Tanaka escapes twice despite likely being legally dead and power bombs Awesome through the table.

I’ve officially lost this match now, as there comes a point where disbelief can’t be suspended anymore. The Roaring Elbow connects for the second time but only the first time that it was either noticed or that Awesome sold it. A tornado DDT on a chair ends it.

Rating: C+. Well it was a good brawl but not much more. The amount of kickouts was just dumb near the end, as half of those bumps should have killed them. It certainly was exciting if nothing else though. The good thing is that the matches didn’t really get bad but they never really got better either. This was fun.

During the post match part, Shane mentions he can’t get back in the ring until November 1. So just to be clear, the world champion is out at bare minimum three months, not counting however long he’s been out already. And everybody is ok with this?

Taz says he’s better and means more than Austin and Goldberg. Oh that’s FUNNY.

Ad for November to Remember which is when Shane returns to the ring.

The Dudleys, all like nine of them say that they’re ready for tonight and their street fight. All of them say that and it takes forever.

Tag Titles: Hayabusa/Shinzaki vs. Rob Van Dam/Sabu

This is considered one of the gold standards of ECW so let’s see if it’s as good as I’ve been told that it is. The fans are into the Walk theme music for RVD and that’s an understatement. Van Dam is also the TV Champion. It’s amazing that he held it more or less until the company ended minus six months. The announcer butchers Shinzaki’s name to an extent that even I roll my eyes at it.

They say Sabu is from Bombay, Michigan and that never gets old. There’s no storyline here as they’ve just brought the guys in for a one off match. Ok then. Hayabusa and Van Dam start us off. We get a stall for a good while before we actually start. It’s an old Memphis tactic that I’ve always hated. They do a sloppy rollup/leg lock spot. Not a great starting point.

We get a you screwed up chant off blown spot number two. We’re MAYBE two minutes into this by the way. Off a kick to the face (think Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise) Hayabusa misses Rob’s head by about 6 inches yet Van Dam sells it anyway. There’s been WAY too much walking around and doing nothing here. In what’s likely Shinzaki’s biggest move, he does a praying rope walk around the top rope like Taker but he goes around a corner.

Let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Van Dam is just holding onto him walking for about 8 seconds and has a free arm and two free feet, and we’re supposed to believe he’s just going to go quietly? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? When Taker does it it’s about 2 seconds on the ropes and nothing more. Not only is this sloppy, but it’s not making much sense.

And Sabu hasn’t even been in until now. He comes in for a cover. That makes sense. Nothing says high impact and cool looking offense like a chinlock! I think Hayabusa stole his attire from Hannibal from WCW/NWO Revenge. SUE HIM IMMEDIATELY!

Sabu shows some intelligence as he dropkicks the knee and then WORKS ON THE LEG! I’m stunned actually. After a LONG time of mat work etc we get to the high flying stuff that this is supposed to be about. Hayabusa is moving out there. We’re in the crowd now in case you were wondering. We’re out of the crowd now in case you were wondering.

Shinzaki and Sabu are in the ring while the other two are down on the floor. Van Dam puts Shinzaki in a bow and arrow so Sabu can hit him in the ribs with a chair. Again, WHY DO YOU NEED THE CHAIR??? The match was just starting to get good and we bring in a pointless chair because Sabu can’t work more than 5 minutes without a weapon. If you want to know what drives me the craziest about ECW, it’s THAT.

Sabu goes out, the chairs are taken out, and the match is instantly going up in value. Hayabusa going insane off the ropes is fun to watch. Why do we need chairs and weapons? Sabu hits a decent jumping hurricanrana. That wasn’t bad at all. See, if he tries, he could do some decent NON WEAPON RELATED stuff. Shinzaki hits what we would call a Pele kick on Van Dam. Hayabusa hits a 450 splash and this isn’t terrible.

Sabu hooks a Boston Crab so Van Dam can go up for a leg drop. It turns out to be a hip drop on his head but whatever. This has lost anything resembling flow or actual tag wrestling and is just a mess anymore. If that’s the case, what was the point of the tagging thing earlier? We have a table and I more or less give up now. Shinzaki hits a WEIRD looking leg twist on Van Dam. It was cool looking if nothing else.

More chair use as Van Dam jumped from one side of the ring to another for kind of a Van Daminator. Sabu hurts his hand doing something. They break the table. Not break through it but just break it. So we get two more! Oh and a chair which is slammed over Hayabusa’s head. A Van Daminator takes down Shinzaki.

In the big spot of the match, both Japanese guys are on one table and the champions go up top and crash through both guys. That ends it. Seriously? It should be noted that in every replay, the champions use weapons and the challengers never do. That should tell you a few things.

Rating: D+. The first half of this was pretty good. It wasn’t great at all but I didn’t expect it to be. After about ten minutes though it’s your standard ECW tag match: weapons, ridiculous spots with zero transitions, and a complete lack of anything resembling tagging.

Also, the first half is made to look pointless as they tagged then but they don’t in the second half. BE CONSISTENT ALREADY! It’s watchable I guess, but it’s nothing I’m going to remember in about a day or so. This is the best tag match ECW ever had? That explains a lot.

We recap Bigelow vs. Taz. More or less, Taz got put through the ring and he went after Shane and the Triple Threat, including Bigelow. This was the introduction of the FTW Title. This was really about setting up Shane vs. Taz but because the champion was injured for at least three months, we didn’t get the match for about another 6 months.

Yeah, because we couldn’t do that in November since we had to have a 6 man tag instead. I mean, it’s not like this hasn’t been going on for the last 4 months already or anything. Heyman makes my head hurt.

FTW Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Taz

You know, for an unrecognized title, it certainly was recognized by the announcer. Oh this is a death match, meaning falls count anywhere. Bigelow is noticeably less fat. Shane says he won’t cheer lead. That’s rather amusing. First move of the match: Bigelow powerbombs Taz and it’s completely no sold. Give me a break. This isn’t your standard big man vs. little man match as Taz isn’t your typical little man.

Taz goes air (Evan) borne by jumping off the stage at Bigelow who catches him. That’s always been a move I get impressed by. They’re in the crowd here which at least makes sense in this case as it’s falls count anywhere. We get an armbar on the floor. Ok then. Shane of course takes credit for everything that Bigelow does. At least he’s being a heel. The lack of weight really does help him out I think. Taz is bleeding.

Back in the ring now and IT’S TABLE TIME! SO NEW! SO INNOVATIVE! OH YES!!! Taz goes through it and Bigelow is dominating. They exercise recycling as they have Bigelow go through the same table that Taz did. ECW is environmentally conscious if nothing else.

And then we go on the ramp and Taz reverses a DDT through the ramp to do the same big mindless spot that they did in the first match. Both guys of course come out of the hole and the Tazmission is on for the tap out. Shane’s reaction is great. I’d sell my G-Mod spot for a curses foiled again from him.

Rating: D+. Again just an overblown brawl. Thankfully this ended their feud but again it’s just another chapter in the Shane/Taz saga. It was all about one spot which is the smoke and mirrors booking that Heyman was notorious for. It’s ok to just wrestle. He needs to get that.

We recap the Dudleys vs. the faces which started when Beaulah had her neck broken by them. Joey goes on a rant against the Dudleys because of what they did. The heat on them was unreal.

Dudleys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Spike Dudley/Sandman

The Dudleys are Bubba, D-Von and Big Dick in case you were wondering. This is the show where everyone went off on the Dudleys that Bubba talked about on Rise and Fall of ECW if you remember. There’s a piece of plywood more or less over the hole in the ramp. We get a bunch of promos from every one of the heels. The Dudleys would be gone in about a year or so.

Joel gets his usual great promo in that makes me laugh. Oh and Sign Guy is hurt pretty badly due to a ton of beatings. Oh and there’s a Beaulah doll with them. Sandman’s entrance takes about ten minutes and we have a ladder for no apparent reason. It’s a Dudleyille Street Fight so of course we’re tagging in and out. Dreamer and D-Von start us off.

Something tells me this is going to be violent quickly. Spike comes in and of course gets the tar beaten out of him by Bubba. Quite a bit of the next three or four minutes is just Spike getting beaten up. Oh joy it’s Dick vs. Sandman. This isn’t going to be pretty at all. Screw it we’re on the floor now. If this turns into a regular tag team match again I’ll be AMAZED.

Tommy and D-Von are in the crowd now with the non African-American winning it. It’s ladder time and they just beat the heck out of each other with it with big spots followed by resting and then more brawling. D-Von’s overselling never gets old to me if nothing else. Bubba finally hits that back splash thing onto a ladder onto Tommy. That’s not dumb at all.

We have more weapons in the ring than people. The managers get beaten up. All three Dudleys and Gertner are tied to the Tree of Woe and the referee hit dropkicks onto chairs to them all. I give up man. Sandman whispers into Bubba’s ear before they set up a spot. Sandman takes a SICK chair shot to the head. Dreamer hits a DDT on Bubba onto a ladder for the pin. And here’s New Jack and Jack Victory who were supposed to have a match earlier to beat people up and we’re done.

Rating: F+ More brawling. That’s all this was. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE BRAWLING??? Look, I get that this is a hardcore company. I get that this was a big grudge match. I get that this was about revenge. I get all that, but FREAKING WRESTLE FOR MORE THAN TWO FREAKING MINUTES A MATCH!

This was the most violent match of the night, true. However, it COMPLETELY loses its appeal when there have been what, three other wild brawls already tonight? This is why I hate reviewing ECW: I get more wrestling on the hour long show that airs on Tuesdays than I do in the original three hour long PPVs. That’s unacceptable any way you look at it.

Overall Rating: D. This brawling stuff has got to freaking stop, but something tells me that simply isn’t going to happen at all. This was the sixth ECW PPV and while this was better than Wrestlepalooza, that’s not saying much. This just didn’t work for me as it was all about violence. ECW was supposed to have a balance but it just wasn’t there on this show at all and the show sucked as a result to me.

It’s not completely terrible, but it’s repetitive. By the end of the show I hated the thought of another chair or weapon shot and was just burnt out. That’s really bad and something tells me it’s not going to change. Also for the love of goodness stop comparing yourselves to WWF. They were 4 weeks away from tearing MSG down with Rock vs. HHH in the ladder match at Summerslam 98. You guys don’t deserve to be able to even talk about that company at this point. Stay clear of this one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews from Amazon for just $5 at:

Also check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books as low as $4 at:

Smackdown
Date: August 2, 2013
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Alex Riley

After the mess that was Raw on Monday hopefully things pick up tonight. Last week’s show was very interesting with the focus on everything but the main event matches. That’s the kind of show Smackdown needs to be: something completely different from Raw and not a rehash of everything we sit through for three hours. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Del Rio to announce his Summerslam opponent. Alberto says when he was champion before the fans didn’t support him so he has nothing to thank them for. Now he’s champion again and there’s nothing they can do about it. He does however want to thank Vickie Guerrero for allowing her to pick his Summerslam opponent.

Del Rio says Cena picked the troll Daniel Bryan to hide from Del Rio, so maybe Alberto should pick the beast Brock Lesnar. Well he’s taken already so maybe it should be Houston’s own Booker T. That won’t work either because everything that comes out of Houston is worthless. That’s the best insult he can come up with? Then Del Rio came up with the perfect opponent to grant a first ever world title shot: Ricardo Rodriguez.

This brings out Vickie who says Del Rio is trying to disrespect him. She speaks some Spanish and calls Ricardo a jiggly little manchild. Alberto says he wasn’t trying to disrespect her and he’ll pick Brooklyn Brawler instead. Vickie says Vince wouldn’t like that pick so Del Rio will face the winner of RVD vs. Orton vs. Christian tonight.

This is a good example of why GM’s are a waste of time. The whole segment took over ten minutes and could have easily been accomplished by saying “tonight there’s a triple threat match for the #1 contendership.” Instead we have to bring out Vickie and listen to Alberto when we could have used this time for anything else. It develops Del Rio as a cowardly heel a little bit, but the same thing could have been accomplished in a backstage segment with him recommending Ricardo or the Brawler as his opponents.

Kaitlyn vs. AJ for the title later.

We recap Cody stealing the briefcase last week and throwing it in the Gulf of Mexico.

Cody Rhodes vs. Jack Swagger

Colter doesn’t start talking until Cody is already on the apron. Rhodes doesn’t want to listen so he decks Swagger to get us going. Cody hits a quick uppercut and a knee to the side of the head for two. Swagger comes back with his powerslam/belly to belly and a clothesline for two. Cody fights up but the Disaster Kick is knocked out of the air and a Vader Bomb gets two. The gutwrench powerbomb is countered into a sunset flip for the pin for Cody at 1:57.

Post break Cody goes on a rant against Sandow for being so stuck up and bragging about himself. Cody compares throwing the briefcase into the Gulf to the Deep Water Horizon oil spill. “That was a joke.” Sandow comes in and beats him down for the bad line.

Sin Cara vs. Big E. Langston

Langston runs over Cara as the lights go orange. Cara mostly hits what was supposed to be a dropkick for two as Ziggler is watching from the back. Big E. takes him down with a headlock and drives an elbow in the chest. Langston goes old school with an abdominal stretch and even gets caught holding the ropes. Riley: “Only illegal if you get caught.” Cole: “He did get caught. That’s why the referee was counting.” Cara springboards into the Big Ending but slips down the back and fires off some kicks. A standing Lionsault is caught in the Big Ending for the pin at 2:52. It was longer than I was expecting but Langston dominated.

Wyatt Family promo focusing on their issues with Kane.

Layla and Kaitlyn are in the back with the Brit saying she’ll support Kaitlyn in her match tonight. Kaitlyn’s idea for AJ: “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice you’re going to get speared.” Layla says she’s been around a long time and Kaitlyn is the real deal. They hug and Layla smiles a lot.

Del Rio yells at Vickie for going back on her word about letting him pick his opponent. She accuses him of being afraid when Brad Maddox comes in. Apparently Del Rio will be on Raw and under his jurisdiction. Isn’t he there every week?

Fandango vs. CM Punk

This is a result of Fandango interrupting Punk last week. Fandango dances around so Punk kicks him in the legs to take over. Punk fires off strikes but gets caught in a headlock from the dancer. A spinning kick to the ribs and a high elbow take Fandango down for two but he sends Punk into the corner to take over again. A GTS attempt is escaped and we take a break.

Back with Fandango coming around Summer to send Punk into the steps. Punk slides back in at the last second and Fandango starts in on the arm. He drives knees and elbows into Punk’s face before we hit the chinlock. So much for the arm stuff. Fandango cranks on the chinlock and wraps his leg around Punk for extra leverage.

Punk fights up but a hard elbow to the face gets two. Fandango misses a splash and Punk hits the running knee in the corner. Fandango rolls to the apron and gets in a kick to the head and a falcon’s arrow for two. The top rope legdrop is countered and a superplex sets up the Anaconda Vice to make Fandango tap at 9:40 shown of 12:00.

Rating: C+. Nice match here as Fandango got to show off here. This is the kind of match that can do midcarders a lot of good. Punk gets a competitive win and Fandango gets to look good as well, but he doesn’t lose anything because he has no business beating the star. Good booking here and it gives Punk something to do for a week.

We recap the opening of the show.

RVD says Christian and Orton aren’t pushovers but they’re not Rob Van Dam. Christian comes in and says he deserves one more match. Orton comes in and says he’s fine with winning the World Heavyweight Champion while still holding the briefcase. Van Dam says he’s here to win titles, not to stroll down memory lane.

Divas Title: Kaitlyn vs. AJ

AJ is defending and Kaitlyn, the hometown girl, has Layla with her. Kaitlyn takes her straight into the corner to start but AJ comes back with a quick sleeper. She wraps Kaitlyn up on the mat as Layla plays cheerleader. Kaitlyn gets up and rams the champion into the corner but AJ trips her up and dances around the ring. The blonde comes back with a gutbuster to send AJ to the floor but Layla gets in the way of the spear and smiles. AJ gets in a cheap shot and the Black Widow gets the submission at 3:02.

Rating: D. This falls under the category of turns that surprised no one and that no one cares about. It’s a good way to shift away from AJ vs. Kaitlyn though as that story has been played out for months now. Layla works better as a heel but hopefully she doesn’t ditch the shorts. Match was nothing.

The Raw ReBound recaps the Vince/Bryan situation and the double main event from Monday.

Randy Orton vs. Christian vs. Rob Van Dam

The winner gets Del Rio at Summerslam, but the booking makes little sense. Cole says Orton and Christian are here because they pinned the champion. Van Dam lost to the same guy clean in less than three minutes but he gets the same reward as guys who got clean pinfalls? The champion comes out and says he’ll be watching the three stooges beat the guacamole out of each other. One of them will be tapping out at Summerslam and does anyone really believe him?

Orton is sent to the floor and Van Dam kicks Christian down but Randy trips up Rolling Thunder. Van Dam sends Orton into the steps and puts him on the barricade followed by the spin kick to the back. Van Dam celebrates but gets caught by a spear from Christian as we take a break. Back with Christian getting two on Van Dam off a tornado DDT. Rob rolls to the floor and Orton pounds away on the Canadian. Randy hits a superplex for a delayed two and Rob is back with the kicks all around. A monkey flip (which isn’t unique Cole) sends Christian flying and the split legged moonsault gets two on Orton.

Van Dam charges into Orton’s knee but Christian counters Randy’s Elevated DDT. Rob is sent to the floor as well and Christian joins them. Rob slams Christian down and goes back in for a BIG flip dive to take everyone out as we take another break. Back with Orton and Christian slugging it out and Van Dam on the floor. Orton catches Christian’s middle rope dropkick and starts a pinfall reversal sequence. Christian takes over and knocks Van Dam off the apron but the spear misses. The middle rope back elbow puts Orton down but Rob kicks Orton down before the Killswitch.

Another kick puts Christian down and the Five Star connects for a delayed two, allowing Orton to make the save. Van Dam hangs on to avoid the powerslam but Orton pops up to catch Rolling Thunder in the powerslam in a cool move. Rob fights out of the Elevated DDT but Orton dropkicks him to block a springboard. The Elevated DDT lays Christian out but Orton has to hit the RKO on a charging Van Dam. The distraction allows Christian to backslide Orton for the pin and the title shot at 10:20 shown of 15:50.

Rating: B. Very good triple threat here with the crowd loving Van Dam, Orton being the likely winner and Christian being the man in the middle who steals the win at the end. They didn’t really get to near falls until the end which made the match flow much better. Good stuff here and nice to see Christian getting a shot at a major show. And he got it with a backslide!

Post match Orton teases turning on Christian but shakes his hand instead. Rob shakes his hand too. Christian is about to say something but Del Rio jumps him from behind to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a pretty solid episode as we’re finally getting somewhere with the Del Rio losses. The main event was good and the Punk match was fine, giving us two good matches in two hours. Only the Divas match was bad but at only three minutes long there isn’t much to complain about. It’s a good show as Summerslam finally has more than two matches with about two weeks left before the show.

Results

Cody Rhodes b. Jack Swagger – Sunset Flip

Big E. Langston b. Sin Cara – Big Ending

CM Punk b. Fandango – Anaconda Vice

AJ b. Kaitlyn – Black Widow

Christian b. Randy Orton and Rob Van Dam – Backslide to Orton

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Heat Wave 2000
Date: July 16, 2000
Location: Grand Olympic Auditorium, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 5,700
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

We have reached the final five shows as ECW hits the west coast. The company knows it’s more or less done at this point but they just wouldn’t accept it. I think their TV deal was done by the time the next PPV aired if that tells you anything. The main events here are RVD vs. Scotty Anton (Riggs) and Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer for the Title. Let’s get this over with.

We open with Blue Boy and Jasmine St. Claire (adult star) on the beach. He was more commonly known as Blue Meanie minus about 100lbs. He makes fun of a guy on the beach and Jasmine hits the other guy low. The Sinister Minister shows up to say that Blue Boy sold his soul and these are the benefits. He makes puns of WWF PPV names and my eyes roll. Mikey is buried in the sand. Yeah whatever.

Joey and Gertner are in the ring of course to start us off. Let’s see how long we can get into the show without an actual match. Five minutes so far, but at least Gertner is funny. He comes complete with vanilla flavored semen. Cyrus, channeling his inner Vickie Guerrero by shouting EXCUSE ME comes out.

Super Crazy has been deported. Tajiri is gone or something. We get a ROLLERJAM reference! That’s the skating show that was constantly promoted on ECW and was considered this brilliant show while ECW dominated it in the ratings. Gertner makes gay jokes about Cyrus. This has been going on for MONTHS now and it needs to end or go somewhere.

Gertner doesn’t want to be on TNN anymore and now ECW is canceled. It would end in early October so this has 3 months left. Gertner is called a fat fa**ot. Gertner calls Cyrus one. Can you hear my enthusiasm here? I mean it’s BLEEDING man. Ten minutes so far by the way. Cyrus says Gertner has never paid his dues as we’re in the worked shoot area. Joel leaves instead of fighting and gets booed loudly. Ok scratch the leaving part.

Joel (Gertner in case you’re an idiot) jumps him and security stops him. Cyrus wants him in jail and for no apparent reason Big Sal and Tony Mamaluke come out and beat up security and referees. And here comes Balls.

Balls Mahoneyvs. Big Sal E Graziano

No bell or referee or anything. This is just kind of a fight and it only took fifteen minutes of TV time to get here. The big chair shot does nothing and Sal crushes him with a belly to belly. One of the referees that broke up the fight counts the pin. This wasn’t even two minutes long.

Van Dam says he’s going to use the Van Terminator to beat Anton.

We see a video of Bobby Eaton helping some guys and getting in a fight with Simon and Swinger and CW Anderson.

Simon Diamond/Swinger/CW Anderson vs. Kid Kash/Danny Doring/Roadkill

Simon and Swinger are no longer comedy guys anymore. I guess the Dangerous Alliance is dead too. Diamond says they have a problem but Anderson is the solution. Elektra and Lou try to come out with Anderson and he throws them out. This is just kind of meandering along and it’s not a good sign at all. Roadkill gets a NICE pop. The first bell rings over twenty five minutes into the show.

Kash and Diamond do some nice technical stuff to start. There go the WOOS. Kash is underrated I think, or at least his early stuff was. Anderson, allegedly the best guy on the team comes in and promptly gets his head handed to him. The faces clear the ring and we cut to commercial. Oh wait I forgot this isn’t TV. Anderson launches Kash into the air but he hits a rana on Diamond.

The heels take over as this is actually a pretty solid match so far. Doring comes in and cleans house with some nice stuff. Diamond hits what we would call Three Amigos and the heels take over again. This has been a fun match thus far. I wonder how they’ll screw it up. Road Kill comes in to a big old pop. Heyman might have had something here with him. Kash takes everyone not named Roadkill out with a huge flip. THEN ROADKILL DIVES TOO! Ok I think I’m a fan of his now.

Cyrus takes a shot at Hogan, 7 days after his last WCW match. Simon and Swinger manage to suplex Roadkill off the top. Well they have power if nothing else. Problem Solver (Snapshot) on Doring is blocked and Swinger takes a double underhook piledriver from Kash to end it. Very good match.

Rating: B+. That’s probably high but I loved this. This is a great example of what happens when you just let guys go out there and have fun and put on a good match. That’s what they did here and it worked very well. This was well structured and it came off as a back and forth match that was interesting. Great match and the best on PPV in a good while.

Rhyno wants Sandman and drops some F bombs to prove how serious he is.

Steve Corino vs. Jerry Lynn

Corino is in the Network still. Lynn dives through Victory’s legs and we’re off fast. Corino was in a weird place here as he was awesome on the mic but he never really won much of anything but he was getting tons of big matches anyway. Lynn takes out both he and Victory as the crowd is oddly quiet here. Not dead quiet but just not making a lot of noise quiet.

Cyrus is on gay joke #3 about Gertner 3 minutes into the match. We go to the floor and you can see Corino reach for his tape. Yep he slams into the concrete and puts his head under the ring. There’s the blood of course as he tries to rival Flair for most blood in a career. I think I know where this match is going and it’s insane if it is. Steve gets more energy from blood I guess as he takes over.

Corino does the Flip Flop and Fly as I continue to wonder what the point of his mimicking Dusty was. Lynn can freaking move out there. Steve gets into it with a fan on the floor ala Flair. He really is good at doing a lot without doing much at all. Corino actually looks like he’s wearing a crimson mask. That’s some serious blood flow there.

Chair doesn’t work as Steve gets it slammed into his head. This is ECW vs. Network. Thanks for explaining that ten minutes in. What exactly does Jack Victory get paid for? Lynn puts him down then dips his hand into the cut and puts Corino’s blood onto his own face and then uses it to write DIE on his stomach. Yeah that’s not over the top at all.

Old School Expulsion (reverse Twist of Fate) gets two on Lynn. The referee is down thanks to Victory. He threw powder at him and punched him. Overkill much? They mess up a spot where Victory was supposed to smack Lynn with a cowbell. They get it right the second time and Lynn kicks out anyway. A pinfall reversal sequence gets us nowhere but the Cradle Piledriver ends it.

Rating: B-. Solid match here. Both guys kept things simple for the most part, although the one thing I’m thinking here is “now what?” I mean where do they go from here? Corino looks a bit tougher but still lost. Lynn wins a match he’s supposed to win. It helped Corino somewhat but at the same time not very much. Then again they’re out of business in like 9 months so it’s not like it means much anyway.

We recap (as in show) the Sandman/Rhyno incident from Hardcore Heaven where Rhyno kicked his head in. This is of course different than the other three times Rhyno kicked his head in. It’s also where Sandman’s wife got pile driven through a table on the floor. This is pure filler as it’s going on WAY too long.

We go to Sandman’s house where he says he’s going to get back at Rhyno later. His house looks like you would expect it to. I get Kenny McCormick’s dad when I see him. And Rhyno is in his house. Wait…that’s at the arena? He tried to drown Sandman’s wife in the toilet or something. This was WEIRD.

Dawn Marie is on commentary for no apparent reason. She and Cyrus make sex jokes.

And here’s New Jack, complete or maybe incomplete I guess with a broken leg. Da Baldies run out to beat up New Jack since that’s all they know how to do. Nova, dressed as the Flash of all people and Chris Chetti come out for the save.

Da Baldies vs. Nova/Chris Chetti

And remember, even though Nova and Chetti are the best tag team in ECW, they can’t have the tag belts because we’re not going to have tag champions for about four months. DeVito “hits” a “dropkick” on Nova as we’re actually having something close to a tag match here. Wow Chetti is sloppy. His punches more or less hit their arms. It’s his birthday though so I can’t complain that much. Well I could but whatever.

Nova misses a Swanton and Cyrus says Chetti has educated feet. I wonder who stole that from whom. Nova hits a very nice double piledriver into a helicopter bomb (think the Three Amigos but with piledrivers and a spinning powerbomb to end it). Since that’s a totally awesome move, it doesn’t end the match. The Tidal Wave ends it as I shake my head over these two never winning the tag titles.

Rating: D+. This was a glorified squash as the high flying guys were never in anything close to danger here. These guys are kind of like the MCMG in TNA at the moment but not as tandem based. Still though this was good for them as the Baldies remain completely useless yet employed.

We go to Dreamer who is breaking his silence. I have no idea what he’s been silent about or since when but whatever. He talks about how much he loves wrestling and how he keeps losing things in his life because of it. One of those is six months’ pay but that’s more Heyman’s fault. He’s mad about TNN and he’s mad about Credible.

Almost everyone was cutting semi-shoots on TNN at this point since they knew they were done and they knew no one from TNN cared anyway. Dreamer cuts himself open on a locker. This would have been FAR better if we hadn’t heard the ring announcer starting the next match very loudly at the end of it.

Little Guido vs. Psicosis vs. Tajiri

Psicosis is back after being fired from WCW as they were hemorrhaging money so they cut EVERYBODY young and talented that they never used. Yep it’s another international three way dance that isn’t going to mean anything at all in the end. This is Psicosis’ return to ECW and he’s unmasked here. During Tajiri’s entrance we have Mikey Whipwreck and the Sinister Minister. He just kind of interjects himself into this.

The other three promptly beat the tar out of him for his troubles. He hits a Whippersnapper on Tajiri as we hear his resume for the 1000th time. Tony Mamaluke runs out for no apparent reason and Mikey beats him up. Big Sal kills Mikey and Guido pins him to get us down to the original three, making Mikey’s thing more or less completely pointless.

Tajiri stands in the ring on his own for about a minute as nothing happens at all. This is just one big mess of course. Unprettier hits Psicosis and then a German suplex ends him. So now it’s Guido and Tajiri. I wonder who will win this: the relative jobber or the guy that was in some main event level stuff recently. We get some nice counter wrestling and then the Tarantula.

It’s chair time and it’s all Tajiri here. He does the baseball slide into the Tree of Woe chair. Guido just falls down on his face which looked funny. Somehow this energizes him or something as he comes back. The fans want their pizza. Tajiri gets the mist and a brainbuster on a chair to end it with a resounding SO? Guido gets applause for no apparent reason as he leaves.

Rating: C-. This was fine, but again I say so what? I mean really what does this mean at all? They had like 8 of these and it wasn’t for a title or anything like that. This was entertaining though so I’ll give it that, but it means nothing and that’s part of the reason why the fans stopped caring.

Justin Credible, looking like the walking (sitting actually) definition of a douche says that barbed wire isn’t his thing but he’ll do it if that’s what it takes. It’s a Stairway to Hell match vs. Dreamer later.

TV Title: Sandman vs. Rhyno

Sandman comes out first for no apparent reason. Sweet I managed to marinate my turkey in the time it took to do his entrance. We’re at two and a half minutes so far. Wow I love this Stephen King guy. I managed to finish that IT book during the intro as well. Make that four minutes and he’s nowhere near the ring yet. Yes I read IT in less than five minutes. The intro is now longer than the Nova/Chetti match.

Ok he’s in the ring FIVE AND A HALF MINUTES after his music started. Rhyno makes it in 9 seconds. Sandman breaks the cane over Rhyno’s head to start and it does nothing of note. For some reason it’s weird looking that Sandman is taller than Rhyno. And yes I know that’s the WWE spelling. Sandman is more or less bombed here and no one seems to care. There’s a guardrail in the ring now as I have a bad feeling I know where this is going.

Cyrus badmouths Sandman’s wife as this is going nowhere. Basically this is just about doing moves onto the guardrail, including a Heineken-Rana from Sandman. The crowd is hot now if nothing else. With the rail on Rhyno Sandman hits a Swanton onto it. Sweet goodness. Victory and Corino come out to beat up Sandman a bit so Spike Dudley comes out. Yeah you knew this was coming.

Sandman and Spike hit Corino with 3D to pop the crowd. Spike gets gored and then takes the table piledriver. He has a broken leg at the time but who cares? Rhyno hits a piledriver on the guardrail to end this stupid mess.

Rating: F+. This was of course a mess with no chance of Sandman winning. The guardrail was the focus of the match and no one cared about it. Sandman never beat him but since he was so over it didn’t really matter. The hardcore stuff was all Sandman could do most of the time and a lot of the times, such as this one, it failed.

Dawn Marie was there for the whole match? Wow. Joey and Cyrus argue a bit.

Scotty Anton vs. Rob Van Dam

Hmm I wonder who wins here. Anton is a Network guy, more commonly known as Scotty Riggs from WCW jobber fame. He claps his hands over his head and his Sharpshooter finisher is called the Clapper. He even has a song called I Want to Give You the Clap. And remember, the insane pops Van Dam gets absolutely do not mean he should be world champion in the slightest.

Tonight the Van Terminator debuts tonight. Anton is the US Male. Shoot me please. Yeah Scotty Riggs was supposed to be one of the top heels in the company. It’s kind of hard to believe RVD is mad at Anton when he keeps smiling all the time. Van Dam busts out a gorilla press of all things. Anton caves his skull in with a chair as he tries desperately to make someone believe he has a chance. This of course fails miserably since no one buys that.

Anton hits a bulldog onto the guardrail from the apron which looked awesome. Wrestlers are very fickle. They have so many best friends over the course of a career that it’s unreal. The problem becomes very clear: Anton is a career jobber and no one really believes him as a credible threat to someone the caliber of RVD. He hits a DDT. Is that his finisher? Has he ever won a match for that matter?

Anton dominates for awhile with some decent stuff but there’s just no reaction from the crowd. And remember: RVD is fighting Scotty Riggs while Justin Credible is in the main event. Maybe Heyman deserved to go out of business. In a horrible looking spot, Anton puts him in the Tree of Woe and gets a chair for a running shot to his bad knee. He clearly slows down and stops his swing so RVD can get his foot out to kick the chair into his face. That looked awful.

RVD comes back though and hits the Skateboard (He has a chair and gets a running start so he can hit a running dropkick that knocks the chair into the other guy’s face) which wakes the crowd up a bit. While he’s celebrating with Fonzie though he takes a chair shot to the knee and Anton gets the Clapper. Oh how I hate this guy. Fonzie gets put into it later and then JUST STANDS THERE while Van Dam throws him a chair for the Van Daminator. He held the chair in place over his head for like 3 seconds for the kick.

Five Star follows and RVD says it’s time for the Van Terminator. It’s what we would call the Coast to Coast (Shane’s dropkick thing). This of course leaves Anton dead for the most part so the pin is simple. This got twenty minutes. Yeah Scotty Riggs gets twenty minutes and Chetti/Nova get less than 5. In a hilarious moment, RVD says he’s the reason ECW is going where it’s going.

Rating: D. This was just WAY too long and there was absolutely no drama. Hmm the biggest star in the company has promised a new finishing move against a guy he’s mad at that is a career jobber. I WONDER WHO WILL WIN! Anyway this just wasn’t that good. Anton was ok at his absolute best and no one bought him as having any chance here. This was just not that good.

We recap Credible vs. Dreamer. This is the rematch from where Credible took the belt from him less than 20 minutes after Dreamer won it. In essence it’s barbed wire on a pole.

ECW World Title: Justin Credible vs. Tommy Dreamer

Francine is with Justin as she abandoned Tommy for Justin the night he won the title. The barbed wire is above the ring and you have to get a ladder to get it. It’s called Stairway to Hell. Wouldn’t the stairs go down then? Dreamer has Jazz and the formerly Gorgeous George (Randy Savage’s wife who was in WCW for a little while) with him. If the fans cared any less about Justin then they would reach negative caring.

George is the SECRET WEAPON. She’s so secret that she’s right in front of us. Wasn’t Dreamer supposed to be crippled or something like a year ago? Before we get going there’s a legit disturbance at ringside. Joey claims it’s a drunken fan but in reality it was a group of wrestlers from a company called XPW who were more or less ECW West Coast, minus the talent, the intrigue, the national attention, the writing, the music, the distribution or the influence.

The locker room emptied for the most part and the XPW guys got taken away. Francine would later say she was never grabbed or touched, which makes me wonder what started this. There was also later an alleged fight in the parking lot between ECW wrestlers and XPW crew (not wrestlers) where the more famous guy won decisively.

In a match based on violence, we of course start with technical wrestling. There’s a full nelson in an ECW match. Joey: “I’ll be danged this has broken down into a wrestling match!” We head to the floor and it’s all Tommy. It’s one of those brawls where they’re not really doing anything other that just walking around and ramming each other into things. Dreamer carries him up to a balcony and just kind of leaves him there.

He gets a ladder and climbs up so that he’s on the balcony Credible is on. And there goes the ladder. This is one of the least interesting brawls I’ve ever seen. They’re barely doing anything and the barbed wire hasn’t even been mentioned yet. With just seven minutes left in this tape that isn’t a good sign. Oh and Dreamer is fine after his fall from about 12 feet. Joey goes off on Cyrus which goes nowhere.

They lay a ladder on the bottom rope and Dreamer “hits” a “slingshot” that nails Justin square in the arm. Dreamer goes up the ladder and Francine low blows him. He falls and literally crushes her. He landed right on her and here are Jazz and George. George, of course, turns on Dreamer and Jazz to join Credible. Jazz proceeds to kill George, making me wonder what the point of her was in the first place.

Jazz rips Francine’s top off, even though she’s well covered in tape. Tombstone to Jazz and we’re back to one on one. Tommyhawk (Reverse Razor’s Edge into a Diamond Cutter. Sweet move) Dreamer gets the barbed wire with about 3 minutes left in the show. Francine is back. Credible gets crotched on the wire. Good thing you can see that his crotch is about 4 inches away from it.

That’s Incredible (Tombstone) on the wire gets two. DDT does the same for Dreamer. End this already. A regular tombstone ends it to HUGE heat. Yeah this guy would be world champion for about 6 months to less heat than Siberia. The next PPV is in October. This is July. That should tell you something.

Rating: F. This was AWFUL. There’s practically no blood, a total of two barbed wire spots, and an anti-climactic ending. This was just freaking terrible all around and boring on top of that. Credible was the worst choice for a champion they made, and all during his reign RVD was doing nothing of note. And you wonder why Heyman went out of business.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m going to give this one the benefit of the doubt. The main event is freaking terrible and the match before that is only slightly better, but the first hour is quite decent. It’s not a particularly good show, but on the ECW scale it’s one of their better PPVs somehow. The booking really was going badly here and that comes down to three letters: RVD.

He’s been by far and away the most popular guy for at least a year and a half now and he’s fighting Scotty Riggs. Anyway, things could change a good bit next time, so hopefully it’s for the better. This isn’t a horrible show, but there’s nothing worth going out of your way to see.

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