Not what you might expect.I’m actually going with Cena’s rap against the Rock.  This did a few things.  First and foremost, it made people laugh.  This was a hilarious promo with great jokes and even some visuals like the pinwheel.  Second, it showed that Cena could indeed hang with Rock on the mic.  He got destroyed in Rock’s promo but then came back and to me, exceeded him.  The most important thing though is that it set the stage for the whole feud.  We have a guy that is loud, making childish jokes and talking in a way he doesn’t look compatable with, and then we have John Cena.  Cena has outclassed Rock the whole time in this and it hasn’t been close, at least not to me.

 

Your thoughts/picks?

As in something you didn’t see coming.I have to go with Zack Ryder’s rise.  I mean….HE’S ZACK RYDER.  Who would have predicted that he would be US Champion as a huge face at the end of the year?  I’ll go with this as my main argument for him: the end of Survivor Series, as in after the PPV went off the air, saw Rock standing in the middle of the ring in Madison Square Garden.  The fans chanted We Want Ryder.  Let that sink in for awhile.

 

Thoughts/Picks?

Criteria here: I’m not including Divas matches, most of the Knockout matches, anything that’s really short (under 3 minutes or so) or whatever Sting and Jeff Hardy did at Victory Road.I’m going to go with Cena vs. Miz in the main event of Wrestlemania.  Not only was the match itself boring, but the ending was atrocious.  I said this in my review and in the Live Discussion of the show: They booked a Dusty Finish in the main event of Wrestlemania.  That isn’t acceptable to me.  This is Wrestlemania, not any other show of the year.  I hold it to a higher standard than a double countout and Rock suddenly having the power to make matches throughout the night.  This didn’t work for me at all and I remember thinking to myself “that’s how they ended it?” after the match and show ended.

 

Your picks?

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 25, 1998
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s FINALLY the go home show for Over the Edge so I think you know what the focus of tonight is going to be. Expect a lot of Nation vs. DX and a lot of Austin vs. McMahon/Love. The match at the PPV is a classic so I hope the show leading up to it can be as good. This isn’t a live show which means very little for the sake of this but I need to fill in more space. Let’s get to it.

Here are Vince, the Stooges, and cops to open the show. We recap last week with the Stooges and Vince (dressed in a costume) beat down Austin to let Foley get the real beating in. However that’s going to pale in comparison to what happens on Sunday. He says that he got away with assault last Monday. Vince runs down the stipulations of the match and what everyone is going to be doing. Cue Austin and the eruption that comes with him.

Austin curses a lot and tells the cops that he heard an admission of assault so cuff him. Somehow it actually works and Vince is taken away by the cops. The Stooges try to keep it from happening and Austin says that looks like obstruction of justice. That gets the Stooges cuffed as well and I can’t help but think that Patterson is a little aroused by this. Austin pulls out a beer and pours it over Vince as he’s taken away.

Legion of Doom vs. Disciples of Apocolypse

It’s a six man here with the debut of Droz. His name is Puke here but screw that. He gets beaten down by Chainz on the floor. Well so much for that. Animal vs. let’s say Skull starts us off. Off to Droz who hits a clothesline and then gets beaten down again. He can throw a decent dropkick though. That’s enough for him I guess as he goes out quickly. Still better than Garrett Bischoff.

Hawk (who still doesn’t look right with hair) is beaten down in the corner after being in control for about 4 seconds. Well to be fair he was supposed to be drunk or high so it’s kind of excusable. Chainz and Hawk collide which lets Chainz get two. Can we have Hawk shoot up in the ring? It would be more entertaining than this. Off to Droz and everything breaks down. Droz hits a three point clothesline and a Batista Bomb on Chainz for the pin.

Rating: D. This feud was so boring and thankfully I think it ended very soon after this. I don’t think it was so much about the feud being over as much as Vince falling asleep from it. There’s no chemistry at all and the Warriors are just old here. Droz didn’t help things and his pill pusher character never went anywhere. Granted that could be because he was crippled.

Vince and the Stooges are led away in handcuffs. Austin talks more trash to them.

Dan Severn vs. Owen Hart

We get a video of Owen turning on Shamrock before this starts. Gee, I wonder what the ending of this is going to be. Severn is the NWA World Champion and that belt on Raw is still a bizarre sight to see. He takes Owen down very quickly and tries a cross armbreaker but Owen manages to avoid it. Severn chokes away and Owen starts throwing punches. The crowd really doesn’t care here. And then Owen kicks him low for….not a DQ? They go to the mat for a bit and Severn gets an armbar to draw in the Nation for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was nothing, partially because Severn really wasn’t an interesting wrestler at all. And people wonder why ROH gets eye rolls when they bring him in as a big deal. The match was just for the postmatch beatdown, but I really don’t get the point of this for the most part. It was pretty worthless for the most part though.

The Nation destroys Severn but they can’t quite Pillmanize his leg due to referee interference.

Austin was on Celebrity Deathmatch last week and will be again this week.

Vince is still in the squad car.

Edge is still coming.

Here’s the Jackyl who has with him Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf and Crackhead Bob from the Howard Stern Show. Hank had recently been voted the World’s Most Beautiful Person by People Matazine’s website so he curses about that a lot. Bob yells a lot. This is stupid if you couldn’t tell. Jackyl says we’re not done yet and brings out Luna, Golga (Earthquake) and Giant Silva.

Golga vs. Thrasher

If you don’t know what’s coming here, you’re beyond my help. Bob sits in on commentary while the dominance commences. Total squash of course that takes longer than it should. It ended with a powerslam if you’re interested. Silva beats up Most for fun. The referee too.

Vince is still in the car as Austin talks trash to him.

Vader vs. Jeff Jarrett

Austin has agreed to let Vince and company go if certain conditions are met. No word on what those are yet. Vader pounds Jarrett down and hits a splash but there’s no referee due to Tennessee Lee. Then he does it again. Jarrett goes after the knee as Vader goes after Lee. The fans cheer for Vader but they don’t know what they want to see right Vince? Jarrett works over the knee until Vader runs over him. I’ve always liked that. Vader hits a middle rope splash but Kane runs in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Better than the opener as the fans were into it, but still pretty dull. Jarrett was so freaking boring as the country singer guy and it was no exception here. He wuldn’t change characters until like July and it couldn’t have come soon enough. Vader still had it but they were already burying him, saying he wasn’t in top shape on commentary. The second run-in finish of the night isn’t helping things either.

Kane destroys Vader post match.

Vince is out of the car. Austin makes him apologize but Vince calls him the former champion. That’s not good enough so Vince has to do it again. Austin says Vince is a good kid and they all get unhancuffed.

Here are Vince and the Stooges after the second hour begins. No commercial though which makes this seem more realistic. Vince looking all messed up is a nice visual. He freaks out on Austin for treating him so badly and insists he DID NOT mean his apology. Austin made a condition that there had to be a WWF guy at the match Sunday to keep Vince in line. Vince is cool with that because no one on the roster can intimidate him. He makes Austin vs. Taker tonight.

DX was at an airport earlier. This is another of their “secret missions”. HHH had a speech but says Raw is too full of hot angles so they have to cut it short. HHH is going to be flying the plane and says it’s a very dangerous mission so he may never see them again. He gets in the wrong plane and that’s it. Ok then.

Al Snow jumps the guardrail and gets in the ring. Then he gets out of the ring and grabs Jerry, demanding his meeting with Vince. Security pulls him off.

Taka Michinoku vs. Dick Togo

Taka is Light Heavyweight Champion but this isn’t a title match because he’s not allowed to defend the title I guess. Also, Togo still has the best name EVER. There’s a spin wheel kick by Taka to send Togo to the floor and there’s his signature dive to the floor. Back in and another dive runs into a dropkick. Taka gets knocked into the railing and there’s a flip dive from the apron. Togo grabs a nerve hold for about a second and then hits a powerslam for two. Taka fights back but his tornado DDT is countered. A standing rana gets the pin for him though.

Rating: C. The match was fine but it was pretty uninteresting. This feud went on for awhile until they pulled the plug on Taka as champion and had him join Kai En Tai, putting the Light Heavyweight Title on this new guy named Christian who had a little bit better career I’d certainly think. Fun match, but it had nothing on what WCW was doing at the time and this division never did.

Post match the other Kai En Tai members come in and beat up Taka.

Back to the airport for more DX hijinks. Apparently HHH has flown off and they have no idea where he went. They all suggest they can fly after him but no one does. Rockabilly is mentioned.

Marc Mero vs. Farrooq

Sable forcibly rips the rope off Mero and he’s not happy about it. Mero starts off fast but gets caught in a powerslam. We go to the floor where Mero hides behind Sable. Mero stomps away again and Sable pops up on the apron. Mero tells her to get down and walks into a clothesline for the pin. This was just for the Sable/Mero stuff.

Mero freaks out on her post match and says that on Sunday, Sable can bring anyone she wants to meet him in a match. If they do, she’s free. If he wins, she’s gone forever. It would wind up being her vs. Mero with Sable losing. She’d be back in a few months.

Video on Pat Patterson and how awesome he is.

HHH is flying around (“I’m in the COCKpit!”) and says he’s flying around Nitro, writing messages in smoke for the WCW fans, such as DX Rules, WCW Sucks! Stupid but I’ve seen worse.

HHH vs. The Rock

This works. Non-title here. Before we get started though, Rock says the fans want to know how he feels about Viagara. However, since he doesn’t need it, he has no comment on it. He’ll also beat Farrooq on Sunday. As for HHH, DX is obsessed with their anatomies. Rock has something hard waiting for him: the Rock Bottom. After a break, here’s HHH and we’re ready to go.

Feeling out process to start and they’re more or less playing chess with each other. They trade headlocks and both guys go to the floor. Chyna interferes but is counteracted by Mark Henry. Back in the Rock takes over. Henry interferes, drawing Chyna up to the apron. The distraction allows a belt shot to HHH but Chyna makes the save and we take a break. Back with the People’s Elbow getting two.

HHH fights back with a clothesline and a crotch chop to Henry. Henry gets on the apron so Chyna pops Rock with a title as well. That was nice. HHH drops the knee (missed by four inches) for two. He stomps away but Rock hits a swinging neckbreaker to get two. Pedigree is countered into a backdrop to the floor. Henry stomps on HHH but Chyna pops him with a chair. HHH saves her and they fight on the floor to a double countout.

Rating: C-. Rock vs. HHH is one of those matches you always have to take a look at. This was nothing special but they would really heat things up over the summer, culminating in one of my all time favorites at Summerslam in their ladder match for the IC Title. The ending had to be that way because they were both champions, but you could see the chemistry out there.

HHH says bring it and Rock leaves. Farrooq pops up behind the future Great One and piledrives him on the stage.

Vince is going to be the guest referee for the main event.

Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker

Before Austin arrives, Taker chokeslams Vince. He loads up the Tombstone but here’s Kane. They slug it out and fight into the crowd. With Vince down here comes Austin. Stunner to both Stooges and he ties Vince up in the ropes. Austin grabs a chair and Vince is panicking. Here’s Dude Love with a chair of his own but Austin is ready for him and smacks his chair into Dude’s into Dude’s head. It’s so refreshing to see smart faces.

Overall Rating: C+. If there’s one thing Raw never did wrong at this point, it was the go home show. This set up the PPV perfectly with I believe everything outside of Jarrett vs. Blackman getting some time and I think we’re all thankful for that. Not much as far as wrestling goes but it’s 1998 so I don’t think anyone is surprised by that. Good stuff though and we got a classic main event out of Austin vs. Foley.

Here’s Over the Edge if you’re interested.

http://forums.wrestlezone.com/showthread.php?p=1111563#post1111563

 

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I’m a huge Star Wars fan. I love the characters, I love the stories, I love the themes, I love everything about it. When I was a kid I went to my uncle’s house one day and he was watching Empire Strikes Back. This was my first introduction to the series and I was immediately wanting more. It turned out that the reason the movie was on TV that day was because the films were being re-released into theaters. I was very lucky because the first time I saw the original three movies was on the big screen.

Then a few years passed and I heard about the Star Wars prequels. These would be three movies set before the original trilogy that told how we reached the events of the first three movies. My friends that were Star Wars fans were so excited they could barely contain themselves. My immediate reaction: why would I want to see a bunch of movies when I already know what happens after them?

That’s the problem I have with any prequel movie: we know that Anakin Skywalker goes to the Dark Side and becomes Darth Vader. We know that he’s the father of Luke and Leia. We know that Yoda goes into hiding. We know that eventually Vader turns back to good. In other words, we know the endings, so why in the world am I supposed to get interested in what else happens? At the end of the third prequel there’s a huge duel between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin. I know neither of them is going to die, because they’re in the next movies. Yeah the scene is really cool and it’s a great fight, but I’m not going to be on the edge of my seat, because I know no one dies.

Now what does this have to do with John Cena vs. The Rock at Wrestlemania 28? The answer is simple: why should I care about what happens to John Cena from the night the match is made until the bell rings at Wrestlemania 28? His ending is already set in stone. We know where his road leads and no matter what happens to him, he’s going to be in the main event in Miami on April 1, 2012. Why should I as a fan care about all these lesser matches and feuds that he’s in?

Now don’t get me wrong: his feud with Punk was very entertaining and I got into it big time. But at the end of the day, it’s really just giving Cena stuff to fill his time for the next year. This matches his matches really uninteresting unless you get something special like his feud with Punk. Cena could lose every match he’s in and he’s still going to be in the main event. There’s no way that’s going to change barring Cena having every bone ripped out of his body, burning the flesh and muscle that remains, and feeding the charred pieces to a little boy in Idaho.

There are other ramifications to this as well and we’ll start with CM Punk. Ignoring the fact that ratings haven’t done jack with Punk on top (it’s reality. Get over it internet fanboys), what incentive does Punk have to work hard this year? He’s not going to be in the main event of Wrestlemania, which is the point of any wrestler lacing up a pair of boots. There’s no point to having a big angle wasted on him, because he’s going to be playing probably fourth fiddle to Rock, Taker, and whatever Orton is doing. Want proof this is reality?

Back in the 80s and 90s WCW held their TV tapings about three months in advance. You would have shows taped passed the next PPV in the can on a regular basis. There were at least two instances that I know of where a title change was already booked before the champions that were taped losing the titles won them in the first place. Let’s say you’re one of those teams. What incentive is there for you to put on good matches and work on your craft if you’re destined to lose the titles on so and so date no matter what happens?

Another possible outcome of doing things this far in advance: what if something major happens that you have no control over? Again, look to the WCW tapings. The main event of Starrcade 93 was to be Sid vs. Vader for the title with Sid winning the belt. They taped weeks of stuff in advance of Sid with the title (yes they gave away the ending to the biggest show of the year months in advance. And people wonder why they went out of business), but a funny thing happened on the way to Charlotte: Sid never won the title.

Instead he took a pair of scissors and stabbed Arn Anderson with them, getting himself fired and basically thrown out of any major company for about two and a half years. That’s why Flair was thrown into the main event at the last minute. All of the material shot with Sid as champion was officially worthless so they had to just throw it away and start over, eating all of the costs. See how this could become a problem?

Imagine if the unthinkable happens and Cena or Rock is injured. After we pull Vince off every rooftop in the country, they would have to call in order, Austin, Shawn and HHH to come in and fill in the spot. All of those would be huge, but they wouldn’t be in the same league as Rock vs. Cena. That match has been built up for over a year by the time Mania rolls around and while it would be big, it would feel like a letdown. That brings me to my next point: guys like Austin.

People keep wanting to see Austin have one more match and they want it to be at Mania 28 against Punk or whomever. People that say this can keep dreaming, because there’s no way that he’s going to have his one last (yeah right) match on the same night that Rock makes his big epic return to face the biggest star of this generation in a showdown almost 15 months in the making. Austin is a smart man, and he’s too smart to try something like that.

The same goes for HHH. Do you think he’s going to have a big marquee match at Mania? Do you think it was a coincidence that he was gone for almost the entire build to Survivor Series? HHH is still viewed as a special attraction and he’s not going to go out there and waste one of the handful of big matches he has left when Rock is going to get 10,000% of the attention? Again, HHH is a smart man and he’s too smart to try something like that.

In summation, I’d think it was a bad idea to build up Rock vs. Cena for a year in advance. It’s going to draw a hue buyrate for Mania, but it would have done that anyway. It’s not like Rock has been around every week for the buildup or anything like that, so I really think that all the negatives I listed above outweigh the good things that a build like this brings with it.

 

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Survivor Series 2011
Date: November 20, 2011
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler

Here we are with Rock’s first match in seven years. He’s teaming with Cena to face Awesome Truth, who have looked like the most thrown on heels that I can think of in a very long time. We also have Punk vs. Del Rio and Show vs. Henry for the world titles. The elimination match (Team Orton vs. Team Barrett) has been built up very well indeed and I’m looking forward to it more than any other match. Let’s get to it.

Johnny Ace opens the show. No real point to this but he’s here anyway.

United States Title: John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler

The fans want Ryder. I mean they REALLY want Ryder. Ziggler takes over to start but a charge in the corner misses to give Johnny NoChance the advantage. They do the always cool slingshot spot, channeling their inner Hennigs. Out to the floor where Morrison hits a huge dive. The fans still want Ryder. Why in the world they’re going with Morrison here I have no idea but they’re doing it and that’s their decision and when Ryder’s pop doesn’t mean as much, it’ll be his fault right?

Vickie time gives Ziggler control back and he cheats like a hashtag heel. Morrison tries to fight back but walks into a reverse suplex for two. Sleeper hold is countered but an O’Connor Roll gets two for Dolph. Flying Chuck gets two. Why is it called that anyway? Sleeper by Dolph is countered into a sleeper by Morrison which draws a LOUD boo from the crowd. Vickie breaks up a cover off a tornado DDT, drawing an ejection for her.

Fameasser gets two for the champ but Morrison starts his comeback. Ah John. If only you actually had a chance of winning this match at all. I mean, it’s pretty clear you’re going but they want to squeeze every drop out of you that they can, even though Ryder is clearly the people’s choice. Starship Pain eats knees and Zig Zag keeps Dolph’s title at 10:40.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid opener, but the constant Ryder chants (not the fans’ fault) took away from it. That and the fact that Morrison was as much of a lame duck as you could ask for. Nothing too bad here and it was fine for an opener, but there wasn’t enough here to make it a great match. Now get the belt on Ryder already.

Vickie comes out and says that Dolph is awesome. Dolph says he is awesome and no one would want to follow that. The fans want Ryder but Dolph says he isn’t here. Cue Ryder who hits a Rough Ryder to blow the roof off the place.

Divas Title: Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix

This is a lumberjill match for no reason whatsoever. Eve jumps into a slam to start but takes over quickly, sending Beth to the floor. Back in a neckbreaker and the standing moonsault get two. We get into the normal set of circumstances with Beth locking in a hold as Eve is in trouble. Eve starts her comeback as this couldn’t be more of a beer break match if they put a freaking stamp on it.

Eve hooks this wicked looking choke which shifts into a triangle choke but it doesn’t work as it’s a new submission hold that looked good so it can’t be the winner early. They exchange rollups for two each and this is still going nowhere. Eve takes her down and sets for the moonsault but Beth goes up top and they fight on the top rope. Beth counters into the Glam Slam off the top for the pin at 4:42.

Rating: C. Better than average Divas match here with a pretty solid ending. That being said, I have zero reason to care about this story at all as it just keeps going with nothing really developing at all in it. The heels are still evil and proclaim dominance but they run from any staredown, which defeats the purpose of being dominant. In short, I don’t care at all.

Punk is warming up when Otunga comes up and says that Punk should apologize to Cole before he competes tonight, on the orders of Johnny Ace. Punk says he’ll think about it after he wins the title.

Rock has a mic and talks about being here when he was 5 years old and hanging out with Andre the Giant (which he repeats) while he watches his dad defend his WWCensored tag titles. He debuted here in November of 96 with the worst haircut ever and a stupid outfit but they chanted his name. That was the beginning of an odyssey and he went through the company, winning everything in sight. He talks about Awesome Truth a bit and this is going WAY too long at about five minutes now. Now Rock starts a song number, asking the fans to sing New York with him. WAY too long here but the fans were into it.

Team Barrett vs. Team Orton

Wade Barrett, Hunico, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes
Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston, Sin Cara, Mason Ryan, Sheamus

This is the match that I’ve wanted to see more than any other. Ziggler vs. Kofi starts us off after an eternity of entrances. Cara is in white and Rhodes has knee pads. Off to Orton and the RKO ends Ziggler in about 4 seconds. Team Barrett huddles up but Orton jumps them and picks Barrett to beat up. Everything breaks down and Team Orton stands tall. Kofi and Cara try stereo dives but Cara hooks his leg on the ropes and is holding his knee. Great. The fans, again, want Ryder. Cara is eliminated and we’re down to 4-4. I’m not so sure how planned that was, but it looked like he grabbed the rope so maybe it was planned.

Rhodes vs. Orton now and make that Ryan vs. Hunico. I don’t expect these two to be in there that long. Hey I’m right as it’s off to Kofi very quickly. Kofi runs into a slingshot move and goes crotch first into the buckle for two. Wade in now and it’s time for a chinlock. Back to Ryan vs. Hunico and Wales beats up Mexico a bit. Hunico makes a blind tag to Cody who hits the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes for the pin and a pop plus a chant.

Off to Sheamus vs. Rhodes and Sheamus powers him into the ropes for the pounding forearms which gets counted along with. Get the fans involved in a match, even with something like that, and they’ll love you forever. The referee breaks things up and Cody is able to bring in Barrett who takes over. Off to Hunico and we hear that Sin Cara is trending worldwide. This has been talked about all night by the way but I didn’t feel like bringing it up as it makes my head hurt.

Hot tag brings in Kofi who beats up the Brit because that’s what people do. Boom Drop hits as Cole says he’s emulating Shawn Michaels. Booker: “I never saw Shawn do a Boom Drop.” Barret avoids the kick but walks into a Pendulum Kick, as does Swagger. Wade drops him dead with a big boot though and Wasteland makes it 4-2. Orton comes in but is sent to the floor quickly. Hunico hits a suicide dive and takes over. Could he be more RKO fodder if he tried?

Off to Swags who hasn’t done much in this so far. Rhodes comes in to work on the arm and gets a near fall. Orton manages to throw Rhodes off and both guys are down. There’s the hot tag to Sheamus and one to Swagger as well. The paler one goes up and hits the top rope shoulder. Hunico is sent outside and there’s an Irish Curse for Jack. Barrett breaks the Cross up but is knocked to the floor. Sheamus goes after Swagger and it’s a LAME DQ to make it 4-1. Did I mention they made it a big deal that Orton is a 4 time sole survivor?

Sheamus kicks Swagger in the head before leaving and Orton gets the easy pin to make it 3-1. It’s Hunico, Cody and Barrett left if you’ve lost count. Rhodes comes in to pound him down but Orton fires back with the clotheslines and powerslam. Elevated DDT hits and he loads up the RKO. Barrett distracts as Hunico makes a blind tag. Springboard, RKO, 2-1. Barrett comes in and gets taken down but there’s an RKO to Rhodes. Randy gets too distracted though and Wasteland ends this at 22:18 with Barrett and Rhodes being the sole survivors. Cara has a ruptured patella tendon.

Rating: B-. This was fun but the botch brought things to a complete halt which hurt it a lot. The right guys survived too as they’ve been very hot on Smackdown lately. Randy laying down clean is the right thing to do and he did that here. I have no issues with him pinning Swagger and Hunico, but it’s good that they kept the top heels strong. Fun match, but it wasn’t as good as it was hyped up.

The Bellas hit on Del Rio when Ace comes in. There’s a LOUD Cody chant for this as Ace talks about Del Rio needing to take this seriously. Del Rio says this is the first defense of many in MSG for him.

Don’t be a bully.

We get a long video on Show vs. Henry and the ring breaking last month.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Mark Henry

The ring has been reinforced. Show shoves him around to start as I think the fans want Bryan. Show busts out a waistlock and armdrag of all things. Henry goes after the knee which is smart strategy since he can take it down with his power game. If Cara is out like he thinks he’ll be, it’s six months recovery. He lays on the knee of Show to waste some time. If they keep this a simple power vs. power match, it should be ok. The fans think this is boring and I can’t say I disagree.

The fans chant for Bryan now and Cole says he’s not here tonight due to the attack Friday. Show fights back with a DDT and calls for the chokeslam but Henry picks him up with the Slam for two. Splash gets two as well. An elbow drop gets two. Fire Henry chant starts up as does an Undertaker chant. Out to the floor and Henry rams him through the barricade and please don’t let it be a lame double countout.

Thankfully they’re both back in and Henry is ticked off. Henry headbutts him on the apron and they load up the superplex. Show breaks it up and hits a superkick of all things to put Henry down. That draws the required HBK chant. And with that, Show goes up to the top rope. He looks SCARED. After about a minute, LUCHA SHOW HITS AN ELBOW OFF THE TOP!!! It only gets two and even the MSG fans are into this now. That draws a Randy Savage chant. Show loads up the punch but Henry ducks and kicks him low for the ULTRA LAME DQ at 13:22.

Rating: B-. Man, this was some insane stuff. The elbow was NUTS and the crowd chanting was better than anything you’ll ever hear in TNA. The ending CRIPPLED this though as it was a fun battle of the big men until then, but that ending just sucked. Let it end by a double countout after the elbow or something, but not like that. It was horrible looking all around.

Post match Henry loads up the Pillmanization but Show moves at the last minute. Now Show sets to Pillmanize Henry’s ankle and drops a leg on it for the injury. Uh, Bryan anyone? No? Well of course not. That would pop the crowd huge and we don’t want that. Legit we don’t want that. It’s the Rock’s show.

Barrett says nothing of note when Awesome Truth interupts him. Barrett makes a Charlie Sheen reference. Oh good grief. Truth and Miz talk about Rock/Cena and Truth talks about seeing pigeons looking at a picture of Rock/Cena. “You know what they said to me? Nothing! They’re pigeons! They can’t talk!” Awesome.

The New York National Guard is here and get recognized. Think that draws a USA chant?

We recap Alberto vs. Punk, which King thinks started at Survivor Series. Del Rio cashed in then won it again at HIAC, so this is Punk’s rematch.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio

Punk has his own ring announcer: The Fink. Punk goes old school ROH with the hoodie. The fans want ice cream. CM grabs a headlock to call some spots and gets two off a shoulder black. Both guys work on the arm with Punk in control at the moment. Del Rio heads to the floor as we hear even more about Twitter. Del Rio heads to the floor twice so Punk hits a suicide dive to take care of him.

Del Rio takes over and Ricardo gets in a shot as well. Punk chases after him but runs into an Alberto kick. Del Rio works the arm which is psychology baby! GTS is countered so Del Rio hits a single arm DDT for two. More arm work and Alberto goes up for another shot to the arm, getting two. He misses a charge and lands on the floor with a thud. Punk takes him down again (while shaking the arm) and they slug it out.

Punk takes over with a springboard clothesline for two. He calls for the GTS and Ricardo has a towel for some reason. The GTS is countered and Del Rio gets a Backstabber for two. The knee in the corner misses and the Del Rio enziguri gets two. A Codebreaker to the arm gets two. They go up and Punk gets crotched so that Del Rio can kick the arm again. He misses a charge though and Del Rio’s arm hits the post. The Macho Elbow hits for two.

GTS and armbreaker are countered but the second armbreaker works to put Punk in real trouble. Punk finally gets his feet on the ropes for the break and sets for the GTS, but he only has one arm. Ricardo interferes but gets kicked down. A big kick sets up the Vice and Punk is champion at 17:03.

Rating: C+. The psychology was pretty solid but Del Rio is such a boring character that I didn’t care in the slightest. Punk winning is a good thing as he was the hottest thing going on Raw for a very long time. Not a classic or anything but it puts the title on the right guy, which is what we needed badly on Raw for the past few weeks.

Fink does the NEW WWE Champion thing post match which brings a legit smile to my face.

We recap Rock/Cena vs. Awesome Truth which starts as a big love letter to Rock. The main event was set for Mania a year ago (essay coming soon) but Awesome Truth wasn’t happy. This is far more about Rock and Cena, as it should be.

John Cena/The Rock vs. Awesome Truth

Gee, who do you think is going to get the most boos? Rock looks great, more muscular that I ever remember seeing him. He starts with Miz as the bell ringer messes up a bit. Cena gives his shirt and a kiss on the cheek to Arnold Skaaland’s widow. Rock cleans house with arm drags and La Majistral for two on Miz. Truth wants him so Rock goes Owen with the wristlock counter.

Rock cleans house again and busts out a fisherman’s suplex to Truth but Cena is fighting Miz so there’s no count. Miz comes in and wants Cena. The fans think Cena can’t wrestle, so they stand around forever. Cena fires off a monkey flip and a dropkick but fans: “You still suck! You still suck! You still suck!” Cena loads up You Can’t See Me but goes to look at Rock instead. Rock sees Truth coming to jump Cena and does nothing at all.

So it’s Cena as Ricky Morton here as he gets beaten down, going into the post. Both heels take turns on him and we head to the floor. Fan: “Tell those pigeons who’s boss Truth!” Miz hits the low DDT for two. There’s the corner clothesline and the fans are either saying he’s awesome or awful. Truth pops Cena and Miz gets two off of it. Booker talks about Rock being selfish and we hear about the summer of 2001 when Rock beat Booker time after time.

Awesome Truth beats down Cena even more as Truth hits a dancing legdrop for two. Hulk Hogan he’s not. He goes up for a cross body but Cena rolls through into an FU attempt. Truth rolls through that and gets two. Cena gets in the shot that he needs and hits an AA out of nowhere on Truth. Miz comes in and takes Rock out though so the heels keep the advantage.

Another dancing legdrop misses and it’s hot tag Rock. He cleans house, hitting the Rock Bottom on Truth and the Sharpshooter is put on Miz. Truth comes in with the Little Jimmy to break it up so Cena spears him down. Great, another guy with the spear. Miz takes over but of course runs his mouth and gets caught by the spinebuster and People’s Elbow for the pin at 21:45.

Rating: B Fine main event tag match here and Rock looked great. That’s the biggest thing here as there was no doubt who was winning here. Now at Mania….I’m not so sure, but that’s another review for another time. Good stuff here and it was exactly what was advertised, which is the right idea here. Not that it means anything, but Rock has been in the ring which is the right thing.

Cena goes to leave but Rock calls him back.  They have a pose off and Rock of course is cheered longer and louder.  Cena goes to leave but Rock grabs him in a Rock Bottom to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. It’s hard to say this show wasn’t good, but it could have been a lot more. They were intentionally keeping the crowd at a lower key until the very end to pop big for Rock, which is ok, but it makes the rest of the show pretty uninteresting. Some bad finishes really hurt things, but Punk winning the title is great and Rock looked awesome so it’s hard to complain. Good show, but it could have been more.

Results
Dolph Ziggler b. John Morrison – Zig Zag
Beth Phoenix b. Eve Torres – Glam Slam from the top rope
Team Barrett b. Team Orton last eliminating Randy Orton
Big Show b. Mark Henry via DQ when Henry kicked Big Show low
CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio – Anaconda Vice
The Rock/John Cena b. Awesome Truth – People’s Elbow to Miz

 

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Survivor Series 1996
Date: November 17, 1996
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,647
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

Now you can see the Attitude Era being born at this show, and it comes from one man: Stone Cold Steve Austin. Shawn Michaels is the WWF Champion, having won it at Mania 12. After beating Bret Hart, Bret left the company for six months and in that time, Austin won the King of the Ring and uttered the most legendary catchphrase of all time: Austin 3:16.

He then began calling out Hart, saying that he didn’t care what Hart had done, because Hart couldn’t beat Austin on Hart’s best day. That’s one of your main events. Your other is Shawn vs. Sid for the title. Yeah that’s kind of an afterthought here. We have our standard Survivor Series matches as well, with the debut of one of the biggest stars of all time here. I haven’t seen this show all the way through in years but it looks very good. Let’s see if it is.

We start off by seeing a big recap of how the WWF has been taking over New York, including the Hall of Fame inductions which they don’t even mention who was inducted so that should tell you how important it was. This was actually pretty good. I’m actually looking forward to this one.

Owen Hart/British Bulldog/New Rockers vs. Furnace/Lafon/Godwins

We immediately start it up here and Lawler is on commentary for this match only. That was a weird part to the show. Anyway, the New Rockers are heels here and it’s Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy, more commonly known as Al Snow. Now I’ve heard a lot about how great Furnace and Lafon are, but I’ve never seen it. They’re not bad at all, but they’re average to me. Maybe I’m wrong. I’ll give them another chance as I have no reason at all to hate them yet.

Oh apparently on the Free For All which was the preshow that anyone could watch, Bart Gunn was the survivor in a match. That’s a really bad sign for the rest of the evening. This is Furnace and Lafon’s WWF debut but they’re big stars in Japan. Ok then. The Godwinns have Hillbilly Jim and therefore are ridiculously popular. Like I’ve said, he’s one of those guys that was popular for a variety of reasons, but the biggest was that he never overstayed his welcome.

That’s something that a lot of unserious characters today need to get. Also, not all characters are going to be main event guys. Look at Kofi for example. Is anyone going to buy him as a main event wrestler? In the ring yes but not with that gimmick, and that’s fine.

Anyway, on to the match. We start with Lafon vs. Jannetty so already Lafon is the bigger name. Marty is just such an epic fail as a heel it’s unbelievable. Lafon isn’t bad at all. He’s not great but I’m not bored with him or anything. Now it’s over to Phineas, more commonly known as Mideon. All of a sudden I’d love to have Lafon back in there. Snow is really quite underrated. It’s a shame he always got such insane gimmicks.

The heels all beat on Mideon which gets a bit repetitive. The problem with this match is getting clearer and clearer: there is a complete lack of star power out there. I have no desire to see these guys wrestle each other at all. Ross is getting very heel-esque here with a lot of his lines. I’m assuming another failed attempt at making him a character would be coming soon. It never worked at all yet Vince did it like three times.

Marty and Henry go out within 10 seconds of each other, the first to a Slop Drop (Scorpion Death Drop) and Henry to a spinning heel kick by Owen. Well that was quick and not incredibly painful I suppose. Phineas has one of his weird fits where he becomes unstoppable and somehow even worse than he usually was. It’s very similar to Festus after the bell ringing. What is it with hillbillies and moods like that? It’s rather stupid.

Anyway, he walks into the powerslam from Davey and it’s 3-2. Furnace comes in and botches a dropkick. I’m not sure whose fault that was, but Bulldog was supposed to hold the ropes I think. Furnace landed on Bulldog’s back. It looked odd and was clearly a blown spot. Owen lands a Perfectplex. That’s just odd to see.

JR asks if he’s the only one thinking here as the referees are messing up by having the outside referee do nothing at all. Vince sounds so utterly bored that it’s downright laughable. Upon me actually thinking, Ross was indeed in the middle of a heel angle here. Considering it took me 10 minutes to remember that, you can tell how effective it was. Lafon hits a sick looking reverse suplex from the middle rope to end Cassidy and it’s the tag champions against Furnace and Lafon.

Bulldog hits a nip up. That was surprising. Ross says he looks strong. That…doesn’t make much since. The heels beat up on the faces for awhile until we get a slugfest between Lafon and Bulldog. In a perfectly fluid moment, Bulldog casually kicks him in the balls. That was a sweet heel move. Ross of course screams how awful the referees are.

Lafon gets Bulldog with a quick rollup to make it 2-1 and I think we can see the ending coming already. Owen gets the Sharpshooter as Ross is really getting annoying. Furnace breaks it up. Both guys are down after a sweet looking spin kick by Lafon to counter Owen. Furnace is in and he’s pretty good. He hits a bad release German suplex though where you can see that Owen’s head doesn’t actually hit the mat as he flips over. It was bad looking but most people won’t notice that so it’s fine.

Rating: B-. I’m not sure if I get the point of this match. I know it was to get Furnace and Lafon over, but did it need the other four guys? This could easily have been just a regular tag match, maybe non title or have ended with the heels running away etc. The wrestling was ok, but I found it to be overkill.

A certain rookie is nervous but ready. That takes two minutes to say.

We go to the boiler room with Mankind and Paul Bearer who say Taker won’t get their hands on Bearer. Foley had this character at a completely scary level.

Mankind vs. Undertaker

The catch here is that Bearer is in a cage above the ring. This was a white hot feud at the time as Mankind was a different kind of opponent for Taker for one reason: he might have been able to take a bigger beating than Taker which was unheard of. No matter how much he beat on him, Taker couldn’t get rid of Mankind. They traded wins in gimmick matches and regular matches, but Taker just can’t end him. That’s a nice touch and change of pace.

This is I think their 4th match on PPV. Bearer won’t get in and Ross thinks that it’s because he can’t fit in it. The gong goes off and the people freak out. Considering this is being written the night after Breaking Point, allow me: YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT! YOU TAPPED OUT! Oh that felt good. Anyway, his entrance is over the top even for him. He comes down from the rafters with his arms spread and his cape, yes it’s a cape, out behind him.

Yes, it’s the Undertaker imitating Batman. Just picture that for a minute. Where’s Doink when we need him? Did I really just say that? See what this show is doing to me and we’re 30 minutes into it. Bearer hides in the cage as we get underway. There’s a cage cam and Ross is way too excited about it. Taker’s outfit looks like it’s leather and shiny. Taker is not only Batman but apparently a dominatrix.

This was the very beginning of a new phase in Taker’s career as he began shifting more towards the evil monster and more demonic of a character. He shows this transformation by using a drop toe hold. He then goes to a wrist lock and then a Fujiwara Armbar. This is just odd to see. Taker is going after Mankind’s hand, which makes perfect sense due to the leathalness of the Mandible Claw. Taker misses an elbow and is up before Mankind. That’s just sweet.

Taker’s outfit reminds me of Rocky Horror for some reason. Ross hypes up a show in London for no good reason. He sounds like he did in WCW which is odd indeed. We hit the crowd which Ross calls the streets. Yeah that looks like a place people drive Jimbo. Back in the ring, we go to a wider shot that just looks odd. You can see the first two rows on either side instead of the usual closer standard shot. Taker bites the fingers used for the claw.

Call me stupid, but wouldn’t that be like asking for the hold to be put on you? The fingers are there, so why doesn’t Mankind just put the hold on? It sounds simple to me, but I’m no professional I guess. I’ll try to find a new catchphrase as I’m growing tired of that. He fights off the Claw as Ross won’t shut up about the freaking cage cam. The random painted on tear drop on Taker’s cheek is just odd.

Mankind finally hits the Claw for about a second but Mankind is launched to the floor to break it up. I don’t ever recall two guys this big doing bumps this hard for this long of a feud. That’s quite impressive, and the scary thing is their biggest match was nearly two years away at this point. As Piper would say, Old School is cool. I wonder if he liked Will Ferrell.

Foley goes up and Taker just starts popping him with big punches that sound sick. He sets for a chokeslam but the Claw breaks that up. Vince keeps calling the chokeslam the Goozle. What in the world is that? It sounds like a screwed up version of Google. Eventually he breaks it and chokeslams Mankind. Why didn’t he just bite him like he did earlier? Have some consistency please, I beg of you. Mankind misses a forward roll to the floor.

If he had done a barrel roll he would have hit it. Vince, stop suggesting things. I would suggest you shut up immediately. Who told you that you could commentate well? I want them shot. Foley has some weird spike thing. It sounds like he’s saying s a t. I never got the point of his babbling but I liked it. It added a weird something to his character that made him somehow even more insane, if that’s possible.

Anyway, as Mankind pounds on him, Taker just casually picks him up and tombstones him to end this. That was abrupt. Bearer is lowered down but the Executioner runs out to save Paul. He gets the quickest beating ever as the heels all leave. This led to a one off bad match between the two at an In Your House where Taker beat him up with relative ease.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t one of their better matches. That’s the problem that these two had: they had to top their last match every time and eventually they’d have something like this. It’s a good match, but by comparison it’s not much at all. Either way, this was pretty good I guess. It’s certainly passable, but the ending came from absolutely nowhere, which isn’t something I tend to like. Still, this was fine.

Sunny comes out for commentary on the next match with her very catchy song.

HHH’s Team vs. Marc Mero’s Team

Mero: Stalker (Barry Windham), Jake Roberts, Rocky Maivia
HHH: Crush, Goldust, Jerry Lawler

HHH is Intercontinental Champion here, which he would soon lose to Rocky. This is Rocky’s debut with the company and he’s just SO happy to be here. That would become his gimmick: he’s getting beaten up a lot, but he’s happy to be here. Eventually he would win the IC belt, and he was still happy. He lost it and he wouldn’t stop smiling. Then the crowd told him to die, and a gimmick change was needed.

The Rock was born and the rest is pure history, as opposed to unpure history which isn’t pure. We get a quick interview from the heels which is all standard stuff. Lawler’s music is so freaking snobbish that it’s awesome. He would more or less retire soon after this and just become an announcer. Ross says he is having a hard time getting a raise from Vince. That’s just weird to hear this early. HHH’s belt is white as apparently he’s channeling Warrior.

Sunny and Ross get into it as Sunny points out there’s no woman with HHH. Ross of course is ticked off at this because that’s what Ross does. He doesn’t have his hat either. Ross as a heel is just awful because he’s a whiny little an. Stalker is wearing a WWF t-shirt. I have no idea what this gimmick was supposed to be, but it completely failed. Mark Henry was supposed to be on the face team, but he’s been replaced by Jake Roberts.

I guess Mero was captain leading into this? Roberts was doing the preacher thing at this point and has the big yellow snake out. Jake’s music never got old to me. He did but his music didn’t. The alcohol jokes begin already. These intros are taking WAY too long. We cut to a shot outside the arena for no apparent reason other than to say we’re LIVE.

We start (finally) with Mero and Lawler. Windham has a handlebar mustache going on. It’s blonde, making it look very creepy indeed. Ok, no contact is made and Stalker is tagged in. I hate this match already. Lawler tags out. Stalker tags Mero which makes HHH run. There has still been zero contact. Sunny is talking about how downloaded she is and HOLY CRAP THEY’RE FIGHTING! Apparently Mr. Perfect is gone again as Helmsely threw him out or something.

Now it’s Stalker who is sloppy beyond belief. Oddly enough he’s a former world champion. Dang there’s a lot of gold in this. Ok so it’s just HHH and Rocky that had a lot but they make up for the rest. Again, Mero gets tagged in and HHH runs. This is just stupid. I get that it’s a heel tactic, but I want to see some wrestling, not a track meet. Why is Crush in this match? I don’t get it.

He would be joining the Nation soon enough, but at this point he has zero going on for him. I have no idea why he’s in this match either. Rocky vs. Lawler now, and good grief he looks awesome. You could tell they were going to push him to the freaking moon. He gets called Dwayne Johnson here, which I don’t think ever happened again. On to Rock vs. HHH, and the idea that they would steal the freaking show in less than two years in this arena blows my mind.

Everybody gets to beat on Rocky for awhile as Sunny apparently wants a piece of Rocky. Ross makes a reference to Crush being in jail and Vince doesn’t like it. Crush was a dark horse to be WWF Champion and he got sent to jail for weapons issues, throwing Vince’s plans off. If nothing else he would have won the IC Title or have gotten a huge push.

Sunny says Vince wears a toupee which amuses me. Rocky finally gets Jake in and the crowd pops hard. After a brief beatdown and some tasteless Lawler jokes, the DDT makes it 4-3 with Jerry being gone. Considering HHH would be in DX in a year, hearing Ross say he’s all business makes me laugh.

Windham comes in and gets less than no reaction. I mean the crowd is dead. Soon afterwards the Curtain Call ties it up. Finally the captains go at it as this match is just bad. Nothing interesting is happening at all and it’s just plodding through it. Rocky’s debut is the only reason for this match to exist. I just noticed something VERY weird. I downloaded a torrent of this show, but it’s clipped. It’s a tape of a British broadcast of it on Sky.

I found another version online, but the commentary is different. On the British version, there’s a lot of dead air time. On the American version, Sunny is insulting Sable. The rest of her commentary is there, but not all of it. That’s just very odd indeed. I’m assuming that it’s due to something to do with it being in the UK, but I honestly don’t know. That’s interesting if nothing else. Don Muraco is here. That’s just awesome.

Actually it’s not as Muraco is really overrated. This is just dull. It’s nothing but filler stuff here as they I guess have to fill their time quota. We go split screen to look at Sunny. Somehow that’s more interesting than a twenty something minute match. Mero puts out HHH with a moonsault. Oh wait, it’s a Merosault. I wouldn’t want him to speak out against me. Mero botches a flip over the ropes and crashes, leading to a Heart Punch from Crush to make it 2-2.

Less than thirty seconds later, another Heart Punch (which clearly hits Jake in the jaw) puts Roberts out. Well at least the most talented face is left. Sunny makes 2-1 jokes. So let me see: 2 midcard jobbers vs. a rookie hotshot. Hmm I wonder how this is going to end.

The Heart Punch misses and hits Goldust and a cross body beats Crush. A shoulderbreaker ends it as that was the perfect ending. A Coliseum Video Exclusive Interview says he knew he could do it. He’s really weak on the mic here, but it’s his first night so that’s completely excusable.

Rating: D. This was just boring. However, since it’s Rock’s debut, it’s certainly something that people should take a look at maybe once. He looked great out there in his first match in the big leagues and there was no sign of being nervous. The win was perfect because it didn’t make the bigger star, Goldust, look weak because Crush, another big star, did the damage that led to his elimination. As for the other six, it was a waste of 20 minutes.

We hit the recap of Austin vs. Bret and this looks great. The idea is simple: Bret represents tradition and old school, Austin represents the opposite. Austin calls him out repeatedly, and this is the showdown. That’s as basic as it gets. Apparently this is a #1 contender match also.

Austin says he’ll win.

Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin

The fans are starting to cheer Austin a bit. Bret says that he’s here for respect. JR says that he’d love to see this come down to a submission style match. Either he knew what was coming in 6 months or he’s a wrestling genius. Vince must have told him. Anyway, Bret gets a very good pop. It explodes when he hits the arena. The fireworks go off and you know this is going to be freaking epic to say the least.

The opening staredown looks like something out of a movie as the camera is positioned so that only their faces can be seen. Austin backs up and his face is replaced by his two middle fingers. That’s absolutely perfect. Ross AGAIN talks about how this is going to come down to a submission and says neither have tapped. That’s nonsense as Austin had tapped to a Sharpshooter on a tour in Kuwait that was taped before this match happened, but it’s WWF so it’s ok.

Why can’t this end in a pin? I don’t get that at all. Vince mentions someone putting the Sharpshooter on Bret and him tapping to it. This is either the most predictable company in wrestling history, or Vince made a lot of long term plans. Bret had been saying that Austin was the best wrestler in the world leading up to this match, and they start on the ground. That’s interesting to see from Austin.

He’s considered to be nothing but a brawler, but he doesn’t get nearly enough credit for what he can do on the mat. Vince tries desperately to convince us that Austin’s athleticism is the reason he’s getting cheered.

He just wouldn’t accept that the fans were changing and it nearly buried him. Ross says that Hart has done everything in Madison Square Garden other than beat Austin. Ok wait a minute. So, the only thing he hasn’t done is beat Austin? Has he beaten HHH? Rocky? How about has he staged a Broadway revival of Porgy and Bess? Apparently he has since the only thing he hasn’t done here is beat Austin.

Stone Cold is doing some SWEET mat work here, but Ross refuses to give him credit for it, saying he’s just brawling. You know, I hate Jim Ross. I think I always have. He’s this smug jerk that thinks because he’s been in wrestling forever that he’s owed something. Screw you Jim Ross. Grow up already. All you do is cheer for your friends and the people that kiss up to you backstage and other than that you’re just a ticked off, grumpy old man.

You sit around whining and complaining about how no one respects you and how you’re just doing your job. No you fat tub of goo. Your job is to call wrestling matches, not to be this son of a gun that tries to be the show. I don’t care how many freaking historic moments you’ve called, I don’t care how many times you’ve been named announcer of the year, I don’t care what you’ve had to put up with.

No announcer is more important than any wrestler and you need to get off your soapbox and do your job like an adult should. Until then, stop wasting my time. ANYWAY, now that I’ve ranted against JR a bit, I’ll get back to the match. JR (dang it) says that Bret has been obsessed with Austin for years. Wait, what? Austin had only been in the company like a year and a half at this point.

So wait, Bret was obsessed with a guy that wasn’t even in this company yet and was a rookie when Bret was already a veteran? See why I can’t stand Ross? Half the time he doesn’t even make sense. As Ross continues to complain about how he’s not respected, I’m tempted to mute this thing. According to Vince, Bret isn’t being offensive or defensive. Then what the heck is he being? Swiss?

Tomorrow there’s a toughman contest with Austin and Vader. This would be more commonly known as a hardcore match eventually. Ross keeps going with this stupid submission theory, despite Vince talking about how the Stunner is devastating. Austin’s psychology here is off the charts.

This is Bret’s first match in 7 months, so he’s using a lot of wear down moves to make Bret expend energy. That’s very smart indeed. Austin is doing stuff like fast covers one after another, Irish whips, things like that. They’re doing a very slow pace here, which I think is the way to go. They’re doing the slow build here, which is the right thing to do. It’s an older mentality that needs to make a comeback.

They’re into the crowd a bit as a simple throw breaks the barricade. It’s great to see how impressive the security is here. Now it’s completely down and there’s nothing keeping the fans from running into the ring. Austin fights back and gets a slingshot on Bret who hits the table but doesn’t go through it. Now we’re in a higher gear, but after the build they had it works a lot better. Ross comments on how it always happens to the Spanish guys. Oh how little he knows.

They do two more spots on the table and the freaking thing won’t break. That’s a tough table. The fans are all over this too. Ross says Vince needs to realize that it’s not 91 or 94 in this arena. Jim, I think Bret knows what year it is. So he wouldn’t want to get an upset win after getting beaten on forever? He would rather lose? You just make my head hurt. Austin hates the fans apparently. Geez Ross is talking about the submission thing again.

Where was this talking at Mania? Bret steals an Austin move with a stun gun. Why that little thief. He follows it up with one of the sweetest piledrivers I’ve ever seen. That was great. Bret goes up top for the second time in the match and this time it doesn’t work. We get some WOO chops, which surprises me as I would have thought it was too far north for that. Austin follows with a top rope suplex as these guys are freaking killing each other out there.

He hits the Stunner but pulls Bret away from the ropes which gives Bret the chance to kick out and Austin is MAD. He puts a Texas Cloverleaf on instead but Bret gets the ropes. Bret almost gets the Sharpshooter but Austin is out.

Austin locks on the Million Dollar Dream, but Bret gets his feet on the turnbuckle (his feet touched the ropes so the hold should have been broken but whatever) and kicks off, rolling over backwards for the pin. The crowd pops madly as Bret celebrates and Austin stares him down from ringside.

Rating: A+. This is a truly forgotten classic and it suffers because of a simple reason; it’s sequel might be the greatest match of all time. This was a classic example of a torch passing feud. Austin was clearly the future with Bret being the star of the past. This is what the WWE needs to do today with its young guys, but I could rant for days on that so I’ll spare you.

This match did a lot for both men. It showed that Bret still had it, while the announcers did a good enough job of pointing out how good Austin was. It also showed that Austin was indeed worthy of fighting in the main event as he had Bret on many occasions with Bret winning on a miracle at the end.
This along with the King of the Ring speech, the I Quit match and the Rock truck match are probably the combined reasons why Austin took the company over the top in a few years. Anyway, this is a classic and go find it. It’s worth the half hour.

We go to Doc in the back with Sid, who says that he’ll win. He’s just bad on the mic.

Lou Albano wanders out to the ring because I guess he got lost. He was inducted into the Hall of Fame last night. He’s going to do Spanish commentary apparently. Well ok then.

Vader’s Team vs. Yokozuna’s Team

Vader: Farrooq, Fake Razor/Fake Diesel
Yoko: Flash Funk, Savio Vega, Mystery Partner

Ross brought these two back into the company. Again, I have no clue what the point of this was. I’m guessing that it was supposed to be a joke or something, but at the moment the only joke was how low the ratings were. Fake Diesel is Kane by the way. Good grief how many characters did he have to play? Cornette is going to do commentary. Thank goodness. The Nation’s entrance with its own live rappers is just great.

Savio and Crush would soon join the team to make it the better version. Yoko weighs about 700lbs here and would be gone soon. Flash Funk’s girls, the Funkettes, were at least hot. I’m guessing this is his debut. Is there a need to have this match? Yeah it’s his debut. Why are we seeing this match? How was this not on the Free For All? He’s wearing yellow and red, which Ross says has never looked better in the Garden.

If you weren’t getting your face kicked in, that would be a great line. The mystery partner is Jimmy Snuka. Seriously? Cornette is PANICKING. So let me get this straight. We have a guy that wears 700lbs, a pimp, an old guy, and a career jobber vs. two fakes and a pair of former WCW Champions. Please, be quick. We start with Flash and Vader as apparently Snuka is a big deal.

He never won anything of worth and he’s old, yet he’s the best worker on his team. Let that sink in for a bit. Scratch that. 2 Cold Scorpio is better, but this is Flash Funk isn’t it? Never mind, Snuka takes it. I might as well not watch the match and just listen to Cornette. He’s miles more entertaining and interesting here.

Yoko comes in to stop Vader and it’s just embarrassing. All he can really do is punch and waddle. Farrooq is in his standard stuff now and looks far more intimidating. They really had something with him but they never pulled the trigger for some reason.

Ross says he could manage Vader better than Cornette. “You couldn’t manage a Wendy’s!” “I could if you were in town Cornette!” Can we just let Ross and Cornette argue all night long? Yoko’s tights might house a small city. Kane wrestling as Diesel is rather intriguing. Oddly enough, Kane uses the Punjabi Plunge on Funk, which is ironic at the moment since Kane has been feuding with Khali.

Funk is taking a beating here as Farrooq hits a SWEET spinebuster. Vader is called a great garbage man by Cornette which makes perfect sense in context. I’d write the line out but that would mean pausing the match and I don’t have enough heroin and cocaine to get me through the extra time. Snuka comes in and chops Kane. Snuka actually slams Vader with relative ease. That’s surprising.

Savio and Diesel are in now and shockingly, Vega botches a move, in this case the spinwheel kick, somehow going too high with it. Yes, he went too high on Kane. Diesel has to drop low early to get hit by it on the way down and it just looks awful. In other words, the kick was supposed to hit him at its highest point in the jaw. Instead Kane started falling before the foot did and the foot hit him on its way down, if that makes sense.

Savio goes out to a decent Jackknife. Not great, but since he rarely used it, not bad. Superfly Splash ends Razor, and then as Jimmy is celebrating, Kane blasts the tar out of him with a chair. In a botched moment, you can see Savio running through the door literally the second the chair connects, chair in hand.

The timing was off there but I get what they were going for. Anyway, everyone comes in and it’s a massive disqualification, so the match is over. Are you serious? At least we get some awesome chair shots in this brawl. Ross says it was a premature DQ. After two chair shots in front of the ref, it’s not enough. And you wonder why I can’t stand him.

Rating: D-. This was an absolute waste of 10 minutes. They couldn’t have done a quick…I don’t know…ANYWHING else but this? Let’s see. Vader wasn’t doing anything here, two guys are part of a big joke, Snuka is retired, one guy is debuting, one guy just got a gimmick change, and one has no story. Maybe this was the best they could do, but wouldn’t something like Funk vs. a jobber have worked better? The only reason this isn’t an F is Cornette.

Standard video package about Shawn vs. Sid. This has barely been touched on at all other than really basic stuff. The video package helped a bit.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid’s pyro is just awesome. Shawn’s is ok but not as good. There’s a kid dressed as Shawn. Oh yay. Shawn’s stripping thing got old fast. It looks like he’s limping a bit. This was a weird time for him, as he was having great matches but they were just random challenges. His title reign was kind of like Kofi’s US Title reign actually. The standard fast Shawn match starts us out as while Shawn is great, he’s a formula guy at times, which is fine, but predictable.

It’s like seeing a great movie that you’ve seen the ending of. It’s still fun, but it’s not as great as the first time. Sid nips up as well as apparently that’s the move of the night. The announcers talk about Jose Lathario for awhile and Vince is clearly uninterested. Shawn starts working on the knees, which is a very smart move as the announcers agree on. Shawn is actually getting booed here, which is surprising. Shawn reminds me of Edge a bit.

He was the undisputed king of the midcard, but he’s not a great world champion. The fans are really hating this actually. Shawn with a figure four now as they compare Sid to Diesel. They get back up and Shawn hits the post. As he’s getting back up, Ross says the post is still standing but Shawn isn’t. Sid kicks him in the ribs which Vince calls a kick in the teeth. Sid is getting big pops. Is New York completely stoned or something?

His offense is chokeslam, punch, kick, powerbomb. What’s the appeal of that? How in the world would he be main eventing Wrestlemania 13? The fans are booing the heck out of Shawn, which the announcers try to pass off as something Shawn shouldn’t care about. Yes, the announcers say a face shouldn’t care about the fans. We follow that up by JR saying it’s great to get the cheers. This needs to end. This is just run of the mill Shawn stuff here and while it’s good, it’s just not great.

Granted that could be blamed on Sid and his complete suckage. Naturally, Shawn makes a big comeback, culminating in him winning a fist fight and slamming Sid, because that’s really impressive don’t you know. The booing is just funny at this point as he’s the total face and no one likes him at all. Now that this match is getting even more boring, Sid puts on a Cobra Clutch because his epically diverse offense has made him so tired.

Sid hits the chokeslam with one hand which surprises JR despite him doing the same thing to Razor last year. Shawn gets a counter to the powerbomb which I legitimately thought was in slow motion. In a spot that made me smile, Shawn nips up and Sid takes his head off with a clothesline. That was great. Sid grabs a camera, which should be the whole match: random camera shots. It would be more interesting than this.

Shawn is up, but the referee feels the need to look at Shawn for a minute and a half so Sid hits Jose with the camera. Shawn gets the kick, but he goes to check on the old man like a stupid face would. The referee goes down and Shawn hits the floor again as we have no help for the old man that’s clutching his chest.

As I type that, JR mentions he might be having a heart attack. Sid blasts Shawn with the camera, leading to the powerbomb and a new champion. As soon as the three hits, the medics get there for Jose. I love that.

Rating: C-. This was a good match, but dang I didn’t want to finish it. It just had no build to it and the title change made no sense. I get that Shawn wasn’t working as champion…but SID? That’s the best idea they can come up with? SID? I will never cease being amazed by the idiocy of some fans.

They cheered for freaking SID. This just had no interest at all and I don’t think many people would argue with me. Shawn would get the title back at the Rumble but then 3 weeks later lose his smile and forfeit it.

Overall Rating: B-. The opener is good enough, Mankind and Taker is certainly fine but it’s one of their weaker matches, the third match was historic but bad, the fourth is an absolute classic, the fifth is laughably bad, and the main event is just ok.

There’s one truly bad match here, as Rocky vs. HHH is enough to raise up the third match. The worst match is the shortest so that’s always good. Overall, this is another show where the good stuff is good and the bad stuff is bad, but it’s worthwhile overall. It’s far from great, but it’s not bad.

A lot of it drags on and on, but when the good stuff is on screen, it’s some of the best there is. It’s worth a quick look if you’re interested, but the Hart vs. Austin match is absolutely required viewing. It did a lot for both men and set up the mega match in 6 months. Overall, the good outweighs the bad here, so it’s somewhat recommended.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: November 14, 2011
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s another three hour show tonight as Rock returns again. For a guy that vowed to never leave he sure has a lot of welcome back shows. Anyway, other than that it’s the go home show for Survivor Series so expect a lot of Rock/Cena stuff tonight. Also we should finally get the Cole Challenge for JR. Let’s get to it.

Theme song opens us up.

Jerry does the talking to start which is different. Here’s Cole in the ring for the Michael Cole Challenge. There are two things in the ring covered by black covers. Cole calls out JR and here he comes. There are three challenges and if JR wins all three, Cole quits and JR gets the job back as the Voice of Raw. The first blanket is removed and it’s an arm wrestling contest. We get a referee out here and JR won’t even take off his jacket. Cole does his warmups to waste time and JR beats him in all of half a second. I mean it’s go then we’re done. Cole says he gave up due to JR’s barbecue breath.

The crowd gets to vote on the winner of the next competition: a dance off. Cole dances while holding a red scarf and looks like he’s having a seizure. JR actually says it’s on and asks the fans to chlap for him. JR dances and there’s a meme in there somewhere. JR REALLY loves this business to go through this. The fans of course vote for JR and it’s 2-0.

Up third is who weighs less. The fans go quiet save for a few yells. After turning the scales on wrong, Cole weighs about 200lbs. JR about 240 and Cole wins. He declares himself the winner and that brings out….Punk? Good reaction for him too. The arm wrestling table and the scale are gone and Punk says this is a colossal waste of time because there was no way JR could win. “Except for JR dancing. That was awesome.”

Punk says that Cole’s fifteen minutes of fame are up because Punk wants him gone. Between Johnny Funkman Ace and Alberto and Cole, this show is awful. With three hours, it already feels like Cole has been out here for six. CM wants this to be fun and he’ll do that when he’s champion. It doesn’t matter what it takes to make the show as good as it can be. This brings out Ace. Punk: “Speaking of untalented.”

Ace says that the fans on his Twitter wanted to see the competition. Punk: “Oh yeah? Well screw you and your 38,000 Twitter followers.” Ace makes Punk/Show vs. Henry/Del Rio. Cole is all smug and demands an apology. Punk does say he’s sorry, but Cole is screaming due to being in the Anaconda Vice.

Striker is in the back and a huge limo pulls up. MICK FOLEY IS BACK!

Sin Cara/Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes/Hunico

Christian is still listed in the graphic for the Survivor Series match. JR has taken over on commentary and Cody has new music. He also has no mask and is smiling now. It’s the same song but a new version of it. Cody says in a quick interview that Cody liberated him. Hunico vs. Cara starts us off and Hunico takes some kicks. Cara speeds thins up and it’s off to Kofi.

A dropkick puts Cody on the floor and the faces hit a pair of dives (the camera misses Cara’s, a rare mistake in WWE production values) and we take a break. Back with Cody holding a chinlock on Cara and then a release suplex. Off to Hunico who hits a slingshot tope and then a camel clutch.

Cara tries a rana but can’t quite get it over. He does manage a head scissors to send Cody down. There’s the tag to Kofi who gets a nice reaction. The springboard cross body gets two, broken up by Hunico. A big spinning dive takes out Hunico but Trouble in Paradises misses, allowing the maskless Cody to take out Kofi with Cross Rhodes for the pin at 8:05.

Rating: C. This was just ok. It was a TV tag match and that’s really all it needed to be. Kofi is in a total holding pattern until Bourne gets back and putting him in a match like this is the right idea since it allows Kofi to do nothing of note until Bourne gets back without them having to drop the titles. Not much of a match and no one is hurt by it one way or another.

Rock is here.

Santino is playing WWE 12 in the back when Ryder comes up (PoP. Not good enough for three capitals), asking him to sign Ryder’s petition. They get in a Rock vs. Cena argument and they agree Awesome Truth will lose Sunday. This appears to be more of a commercial for all things Ryder and WWE 12.

Here’s Vickie to yell a lot. She cuts JR off on his product plugs too. Vickie has bad news: earlier today, WWE.com reported that Christian is out of the Survivor Series match which is legit due to an ankle injury. She blames Teddy for the injury and Dolph is replacing him. Actually Dolph comes out and cuts her off, saying he’s the replacement on Team Barrett. It should be Team Ziggler though because he’s the one with the talent. He has Mason Ryan tonight.

Mason Ryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ace comes out and throws Ross off commentary as Cole is ok again. Otunga plans to sue Punk. Cole of course is incapable of shutting up so the match isn’t going to get much attention. Ryan uses a bunch of power stuff and Vickie slaps Ryan for the DQ at 1:08. Next.

Morrison runs out and throws Ziggler back in for a full nelson slam.

Foley runs into Ryder in the back and Ryder asks for a signature on the petition. Foley does a fist pump and Woo Woo Woo. Awesome.

Here’s Foley for the first time in like three years. He says he’s back here where he belongs and it’s to talk about serious business. This Sunday there will be a team that will be together once and then never again. Foley hopes it’ll be again in the form of the Rock and Cena Connection. He talks about how the fans boo Cena and while that’s their right, he wishes the fans would view Cena as one of the greatest ever.

Foley brings out Cena in his hometown. Cena says he appreciates Mick’s efforts, but he and Rock aren’t going to be friends. Cena requested him to be his partner because Rock is electrifying, not because they’re friends. Foley says they know each other a bit and their relationship is based on mutual respect. Foley talks about writing Cena a hand written letter as he respects Cena for treating everyone equally.

However when it comes to Twitter, Foley got in some trouble because he said everyone should respect Cena a bit more for all of his great matches. Preach it Foley. Foley has a hybrid Cena/Rock shirt and he’s going to bring them together, because John Cena…..THIS IS YOUR LIFE!

Cena isn’t sure what to do here but Foley says roll the emotional video tribute! We get a video on baby Cena with some sappy song to it. We also see teenage Cena and his rise through WWE. This is bizarre and once it’s done, Cena isn’t sure what to think again. He asks about the song which sounded like a theme song from a Care Bears movie. The first person Foley brings out is his former little league coach.

The coach tells a story about a game Cena was in where he was the last hitter up and he struck out looking to end the game. The coach said that it was a learning experience but Cena cried his eyes out that day. Foley: “Everybody strikes out once in awhile.” Cena: “You’re striking out with this right now.” Up next is Bull freaking Buchanan. They really brought him out of mothballs for this?

We get a video of Cena rapping from 2003. Cena is either not expecting this stuff or he’s a better actor than he’s credited for. Buchanan talks about how great Cena’s career has been. His life after the team split hasn’t gone so well. He was fired, his wife left him, he lost his money, and his dog bit him and gave him rabies to end his career. Buchanan blames Cena for ruining his life and storms off. Cena: “Finally something worse than the Shockmaster.”

Foley has one more person left: Cena’s dad. This can’t go bad can it? Cena’s dad goes off on the fans for chanting Cena sucks. Cena Jr. looks like he wants to go jump in front of a bus. Dad says the fans suck, not Cena. Children love him. So what? The son begs his dad to stop and says this is awful. Cena’s dad leaves and Cena says that wasn’t his life. This is his life here in the ring. He thanks Foley for trying but this was up there with the Gobbledygooker. Foley says he has one thing left. It’s some chick but instead here’s Rocky.

Rock hits the ring, Rock Bottoms Foley and leaves. That was GREAT. I love Foley but that was hilarious.

Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger

Sheamus is now introduced as the Great White. They’re going to get that over as a nickname by force if need be. Power match to start and Swagger takes him to the mat pretty easily. Sheamus clotheslines him to the floor and we take a break. Back with Sheamus hammering the forearms into the chest but Swagger takes out the knee to take over. Suplex gets two. Sheamus comes back and pounds away on him, hitting a powerslam for two. High Cross is countered and the Vader Bomb hits the back of Sheamus. Ankle lock goes on but Sheamus kicks him to the floor. Irish Curse and Brogue Kick end this at 8:55.

Rating: C. Not a horrible power brawl here as Sheamus beats someone he should beat. Swagger is dying for a new gimmick of some sort but they’ll never give him one because that’s the gimmick they’ve given him and it’s his fault that it isn’t working anymore. Not bad, but nothing to see overall here.

Ryder tries to get signatures from the Bellas who reluctantly sign. They go to see Alberto and he’s having a party when he wins. Ryder barges in and says the girls should party with him on Long Island. Everyone leaves Ryder there.

Kelly Kelly vs. Natalya

After a look behind the scenes of Kelly’s Maxim photoshoot, Kelly is in a Patriots jersey and there’s a Stinkface very quickly. Sharpshooter is countered into a small package for the pin at 52 seconds.

Ace talks on the phone with someone and says they’ll do it next week. It’s Brodus Clay who will be debuting next week. Great, more bait and switch. Alberto and Ricardo come in and Ace says Punk could be trouble if he wins the title.

We run down the Survivor Series card.

Awesome Truth says nothing as Striker asks them questions about the PPV on Sunday.

Punk is headed to the ring for the tag match but Alberto jumps him and beats him down.

Alberto Del Rio/Mark Henry vs. Big Show/CM Punk

Punk is holding his arm and chases Del Rio around a bit pre match. Del Rio vs. Big Show starts us off and Show has his t-shirt on still. After Show destroys him for a bit it’s off to Punk who is out after about 15 seconds. Time for the big showdown with the ring breakers. Henry shoves him away and Show shoves Henry away. Show goes for a slam but Henry falls on him instead for two.

Back to Del Rio who stomps away and then it’s Henry again. Del Rio and Punk are barely in this at all. Show fights up from his knees and Henry is staggered. Henry runs from the right hand and Del Rio isn’t happy. They argue as we go to a break. Back with Mark standing on Punk’s chest. We hear a tweet from Ace who praises Cole for toughing it out. Back to Alberto who works on the arm as Cole runs down the Anaconda Vice.

Punk fights back with a neckbreaker and Henry takes a kick to the head. Show comes in for a superkick to Henry but Punk springboards into the Slam. Show runs Henry down but is sent into the post. Del Rio steals the pin on Punk at 12:08 total. He needed to get a pin over him to give him some momentum.

Rating: D+. I couldn’t get into this at all. I like the whole two matches being advanced in the span of one match but the match dragged a lot. I think part of it is no one cares about Del Rio because there’s zero development to his character. He’s the same guy he was when he debuted over a year ago and nothing has changed in him. That’s not good.

Del Rio puts on the armbreaker post match. He remembers that Punk’s left arm was hurt so he switches sides. Well at least he’s thinking. Big Show makes the save.

Here’s Santino who talks about Del Rio winning the Rumble by last eliminating him. He talks about Boston a bit and sucks up to the fans. Santino is going to put his career back on track now, and that brings out Kevin Nash. Nash says he’s a big fan of Santino and asks to see the Trombone. If you can’t see what comes next, stop reading this and go watch some old matches.

With Santino out cold, he talks about the Rumble where he got the biggest ovation of the night. He talks about HHH not hiring him after that reaction and points out that he’s here and HHH isn’t. There’s a Jackknife to Marella and Nash leaves.

Jonah Hill is the guest host next week.

Here’s a video on WWE 12.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

Barrett’s SS team comes out with him. This is a rematch from Smackdown where Barrett got a huge upset via a thumb to the eye. Barrett says he’s the future and all that jazz. Randy has his team with him as well. Gee think there’s going to be a brawl? The bell is after a break. Orton takes Barrett down quickly and hits a suplex and knee drop for one. Boss Man Slam gets two and control for Wade. Barrett’s hair is all messed up again like it was on Friday. A long chinlock eats up some time until Orton gets out and hits the elevated DDT. And everything breaks down for the DQ at 3:40.

Rating: D+. It’s not like this meant anything but it was long enough to rate. The ending was as obvious as you could ask for as the guys down there ensured the double DQ for the brawl. Also they had to keep Barrett looking strong as if he beats Barrett here, the only real option for beating Orton goes away. Weak match, but it had to be.

Hunico gets destroyed post match.

It’s 10:45 so here’s Rock to close the show. He says at 3:15 AM this morning he woke up and by 3:30 he was eating breakfast (“Not a Fruity Pebble in sight!”). He goes through his daily schedule and says he was in New Orleans filming G.I. Joe 2 earlier today. At 6:45 he landed in Boston and had a security guard talking about….something. Rock talks about wanting to have dinner on the North End but instead he came here because he wanted to say that FINALLY, the Rock has come back to Boston.

In six days he’s wrestling again, but that’s not right now. That’s why he Rock Bottomed Foley: the segment earlier was hot garbage and he had to do something about it. Rock plugs Twitter and says that if he says something, it’ll knock off the Kardashians, Bigfoot and anything else. He wants Awesome Truth right NOW.

Here they come and they imply Rock isn’t going to do anything to them tonight. The truth is that whenever they’re on the show, Raw gets……..AWESOME. They threaten Rock and it’s a staredown. Scratch that as they’re leaving and here’s Cena. He says that Rock is Team Bring It, but the only thing he’s brought for seven years are messages via satellite. The crowd is right: ooooooh!

Rock says you’ll have to excuse Cena because he’s not used to having an adult support him. Rock makes more juvenile jokes and Cena talks about Survivor Series. If Rock’s ego gets in the way of the team, Cena slaps Rocky will be trending.

Miz says he’s tired of this because he’s tired of Awesome Truth being an afterthought. Last time that happened, Miz won in the main event of Wrestlemania. This Sunday will never be forgotten because of the beating Rock and Cena will get. Little Johnny and Little Rocky can talk all they want and the Little Jimmys can enjoy it. The fight is on and Rock punches Truth out. He loads up the Rock Bottom and Truth gets got. AA looks to put Miz down but Rock pulls him off and into a Rock Bottom. Rock leaves and Cena isn’t happy at all.

Overall Rating: B-. The first half is great but once Ace gets there, this goes downhill fast. Alberto is just so freaking uninteresting because there’s nothing to his character at all. He’s rich and he speaks Spanish. What else do we have to go on with him? Oh he has a lackey. That’s it. That right there is Alberto Del Rio. Punk needs to take the title from him so we can have an interesting champion for a change. Anyway, the rest of the show was good but the Ace/Del Rio stuff is just horrible.

Results
Hunico/Cody Rhodes b. Kofi Kingston/Sin Cara – Cross Rhodes to Kingston
Mason Ryan b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Vickie Guerero interfered
Sheamus b. Jack Swagger – Brogue Kick
Kelly Kelly b. Natalya – Small Package
Mark Henry/Alberto Del Rio b. CM Punk/Big Show – Del Rio pinned Punk after a World’s Strongest Slam
Randy Orton b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered

 

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So it’s only going to be one post instead of a series. Sorry if that disappoints anyone.

I read a lot of posts and opinions of people that talk about how the Attitude Era was so great and how awful the PG Era is so bad and how things need to be more like what they were back in the late 90s. This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard because people aren’t thinking when they say stuff like this. Either that or the more likely reality: they don’t know what they’re talking about.

Wrestling today is pretty awesome and in a lot of ways it’s better than what we have back in the 90s. Now before I get into this, let me make something clear: I’m not saying this era is better nor am I saying it’s worse. I’m saying that there are a lot of people that blindly say we need to get back to the Attitude Era way of thinking and style of airing TV and I’m going to explain why they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Note that this is just about WWE, not TNA and/or WCW. Also I won’t be going past the end of the year 2001 with this so don’t bother mentioning stuff from January 1, 2002 on because it’s not what I’m talking about. For a starting point, let’s say January 1, 1998. I know the Attitude Era was longer than that but it’s an easy date to work with.

First and foremost, people seem to think that the Attitude Era was all Austin and Vince tormenting each other and Rock cracking people up and Foley getting beaten up and then cracking a witty line. See, here’s the thing: that was about ¼ of the show. The fact of the matter is that a lot of the Attitude Era’s TV time SUCKED. I’ve been watching some 98 Raws and you get a lot of stuff like the DOA vs. the old Road Warriors, a multiple months long Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve Blackman feud, the NWA faction sucking the life out of the place, and about 15 minutes of Austin vs. McMahon per show.

People remember the cool moments of the late 90s but they forget about a lot of the really awful stuff and believe me, it got bad. You had stuff like Mark Henry getting oral sex from a transvestite, May Young giving birth to a hand, a story about Stephanie McMahon’s teddy bear, William Regal as the Brawny Man, the J.O.B. Squad, a trio of vampires, human sacrifices, people almost being embalmed, live burials, Chyna turning three times at one show, Jeff Jarrett getting hit in the back by a frozen fish, a championship changing hands at a Days Inn, a wrestler whose gimmick was he could vomit on command, and Mae Young being topless on PPV.

In short, the Attitude Era had some really stupid ideas. Some of those might not have been in the time period I mentioned, but you get the idea. People want to complain about Cena being impossible to beat and call him Superman or something like that, but is John Cena saluting people more childish than Austin holding his boss at gunpoint and having a flag come out of it that says Bang 3:16? That’s something I’ve seen in Bugs Bunny cartoons.

People want to argue about how silly and childish things are today. Yeah, there are some pretty stupid ideas like Hornswoggle and Sheamus being related to a Muppet, but at the same time we have Punk and his Pipe Bombs, Cena standing tall against a guy that talks about Fruity Pebbles and talks in funny voices (there’s a long chat in that feud that I’ll save for later), anti-bullying stories which can inspire kids (corny but true), and comedy bits that aren’t that bad when you remember your audience.

That brings me to one of the bigger points: the show isn’t for us anymore. Back in the 80s, everything was based around kids. Hogan’s feuds were never more than “I can beat this giant because the Hulkamaniacs are behind me!” You had a guy with a snake who beat up everyone else with the DDT. You had Savage being incredibly colorful and over the top. You had simple villains like Bobby Heenan and Jimmy Hart. It was a simple time for simple minds. Know what else it was? The biggest era ever for wrestling.

Then the 90s happened and those fans grew up. They got tired of seeing guys like Hogan and hearing the “you all be good” stuff. The fans rebelled and we got stuff like ECW and Steve Austin and DX and The Rock and all that jazz. The problem became that everything had to top what we had before, which is how in 1999 we had the Ministry of Darkness and crucifixions and Mideon drinking blood and vampires and all that stuff. It stopped being about wrestling and was all about drama.

Finally Austin got too hurt to wrestle and things got even better in the year 2000. What was different about 2000 rather than 98 and 99 you ask? The focus was on the ring. You had Angle and Benoit and Jericho and Guerrero coming in and Rock vs. HHH going 25 minutes every PPV and Undertaker being a biker instead of a demon.

Nick Bockwinkel used to say “That’s what it says on the marquee: Wrestling.” It sounds corny and stupid, but at the end of the day he’s right: if you put good wrestling out there, people will watch, because that’s what they’re here to see. I don’t watch Raw to see pure drama or comedy. If I wanted to see that, I’d watch a drama or a comedy. Look at the biggest angle of the year in Punk vs. Cena. In every promo Punk had, it ended with him saying that he was the best in the world and that he would prove it by beating John Cena in the middle of the ring. It wasn’t about power or some obscure thing. It was about pinning John Cena to the mat for 3 seconds. It was about wrestling.

So then Rock and Austin leave and you have guys like Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle to take their place. The pendulum has swung back to pure mat wrestling….and people don’t care as much. Starting around 2003-2004, things started to go downhill again, especially interest in the product. It appeared as if the pendulum would be swinging back towards the Attitude Era as things were getting insane again….and then something happened.

In June of 2007, Chris Benoit went over the edge and murdered his wife and son before committing suicide. Wrestling was on the front page of the paper as you had someone that was a big deal in WWE and was on the verge of winning a world title on the news for killing three people. This made the steroids trial in 1993 look like a walk in the park. Everything was changed and WWE had to change too. They had just come through an era where Angle and Benoit would drop each other on their heads ten times a match 4 nights a week. Benoit went crazy and Angle can’t go a year without a neck injury. Things had to change.

With WWE and the wrestling world being turned upside down, everything more or less had to be reset. Benoit is still less than five years ago and it’s not like you can hide things in the modern age where there are cameras everywhere. People complaining about the lack of chair shots to the head and blood don’t get the bigger picture: if something else like Benoit happened, the WWE would cease to exist. Sponsors would pull out, people would leave, fans would go away. Vince is protecting himself and his company by doing what he’s doing and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you can’t watch wrestling without someone taking an unprotected chair shot to the head, I feel very sorry for you.

So in the aftermath of that, Vince reset things back to the most basic things he could think of. Wrestling fans being wrestling fans, they didn’t want something that wasn’t geared exactly to them, so when the product wasn’t aimed at them anymore, they declared that it sucked. Wrestling is geared towards kids right now and you know what? It’s freaking good. We’re getting John Cena vs. the Rock and Christian getting the push the fans have demanded for years and Sheamus being all big and awesome and Orton having his best matches in years and Punk being the voice of the voiceless and Ryder’s internet show getting him on TV and a dozen other awesome things.

“But it’s not the Attitude Era!!!” Get over it. It isn’t your time anymore so stop thinking it’s going to be. Things in life aren’t always going to go your way and you need to accept that. You think your parents liked listening to Hogan telling you to take your vitamins or Warrior wanting to load up the spaceship with the rocket fuel or Hawk and Animal rambling about absolutely nothing that made sense to anyone that was human? It’s not about us anymore. It’s about the kids and catching their attention with bright colors and low level humor. And as much as you don’t want to admit it, it’s working. Mania broke 1,000,000 buys last year and the Trump record will fall with Cena vs. Rock. It’s their era now, not ours.

This next part I wrote earlier but I got on a roll with the previous section so it’s going to seem a little out of place for an ending.

Also you want to complain about title changes? From 1998-1999, no WWF World Title reign lasted longer than 90 days. Think about that. No one held the world title longer than 3 months for over two years. This would include three title reigns (one by Rock, Foley and Vince) that combined to last ten days. Midcard titles more your thing? In 1999-2000, the Intercontinental Title changed hands 23 times. In 24 months, there were 23 title reigns. Think about that for a minute. The tag titles weren’t as bad as they only changed 22 times in that span of time.

Title reigns didn’t mean anything back then. Austin won 6 world titles starting in 1998 and ending in 2001. Factoring in the year he was gone, Austin won all of his titles in about two and a half years, or about 2.4 world titles a year. Rock won his first in late 98 and his last in 2002. He’s a nine time champion over a four year span, or about 2.25 a year. By comparison, Cena has won 12 world titles in roughly 6 years (factoring out injury time) or approximately 2 a year. Orton is a 9 time champion, winning his first in 2004, which puts him at about 1.3 titles a year. But hey, Cena and Orton win them too often right? And remember Austin and Rock had one world title to vie for (save for the Alliance Era) so there were fewer titles to go around, making it harder to win them.

I think the big difference is that people stay around longer now. Austin arrived in WWF in 1995 and was gone by let’s say the middle of 2002, giving him about 6 and a half years in the company (5 and a half factoring in the year off). Rock debuted in late 96 and was gone by late 2002 for a total of 5 years also (roughly 5 when you consider the time off for movies). Cena has been around for over 9 years now and Orton about the same. Do you remember the end of Austin’s run in WWF? It was when he was feuding with Flair and Big Show when he was falling apart. Imagine Austin as a shell of his former self and being so far past his time that he meant nothing. Think people would get tired of him?

You look at guys like Orton and Cena and you have two guys that have had some of their best stuff recently. Cena fueled Punk’s push and Orton stole a lot of shows with his matches against Christian. Austin and Rock both left the company (spare me the arguments about them bailing out and abandoning the company. They’re bogus) after about 6 years when they were past their primes. Cena and Orton have hit (very) arguably their peaks recently. The difference is that instead of spending years in another company building themselves up, they started in OVW (for the most part) and came through the WWF system, allowing them to be there faster.

Survivor Series 1999
Date: November 14, 1999
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 18,375
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now this is a show where a year really does make a difference. There’s two major issues with this show. Number one, Kurt Angle is debuting here. He’s been talked about for months and tonight he’s fighting Shawn Stasiak. If we had vbookie back then, that match might set a record for biggest amount of money ever won on a single match. Also, this is the last PPV Austin was on for nearly a year, as he FINALLY took time off to have his neck fixed.

The problem simply was that his neck was destroyed by then and the surgery only helped to a certain extent. Had he had this done two years ago when he should have, he might still be wrestling today. Granted it likely would have been for WCW as Vince would have been out of business without Austin, but that’s whatever. The main event here was supposed to be the showdown we all had been waiting for with HHH vs. Rock vs. Austin for the title, but obviously that couldn’t happen.

HHH is champion here, having won it the night after Summerslam from Foley. A lot of the now familiar faces are here now, such as Angle, the Dudleyz, Chris Jericho and Chyna. The Radicalz would debut in January, more or less crippling WCW once and for all (for those that don’t know, the Radicalz were Perry Saturn, Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero, four of the young studs in WCW that were fed up with never being given a chance in WCW and finally saying screw this and leaving as a unit). Anyway, the card looks fairly good, so let’s do it.

Naturally the intro is about the triple threat that would never come. I’m not sure if I like Vince doing this big of a buildup when he knew that Austin wouldn’t be in it. That’s not quite as bad as Jake and Savage from 91 because 2/3 were in the match, but it’s something you would kind of give a look at. Vince was guest referee for it also. After a very short discussion from Lawler and Ross, we’re ready to go.

Godfather/D’lo/Headbangers vs. Dudleyz/Acolytes

Dang that’s a heck of a heel team. This was when the Dudleyz had just debuted and therefore they were the biggest tag team in the world because the 3D was unlike any move that anyone had seen in forever. At this point Godfather for some reason is one of the most over guys on the roster, which no one will ever get. He has the hos with him and makes his weed references which would NEVER be safe today. Brown is dressed like him too. Oh my stars and garter belts.

Of course the Headbangers are dressed the same way. Oh just take me now. They get ZERO reaction, thank goodness. This was still when Bubba was a stutterer with a big southern accent and D-Von wore overalls, so it’s the best they’ve ever been. Bubba is incredibly funny asking the Godfather for the hoes instead of a match. Godfather is incredibly stupid sounding telling him no. I don’t remember that Acolytes music.

The APA gimmick was coming soon, but not quite here yet. We start with Mosh against Bubba, which spells the whole match in a nutshell. Apparently Mosh has an amateur background. Did that blow anyone else’s mind but me? You can clearly see fans leaving the arena to get popcorn or beer or something, so you can tell how good this match is. After a Clothesline From JBL, Thrasher is gone and it’s 4-3.

Who would have thought that in five years Bradshaw would be world champion? Immediately after Bradshaw turns around Mosh hits a top rope cross body which gets a two. What, did you actually think that was going to work? Teddy Long is a referee here. That’s just humorous. If nothing else, Mosh is trying. He’s not very good, but he’s trying at least. I’ll give him credit for that.

Not everyone can have a 5 star classic, but I’ll give big credit to people that are working hard out there trying to do something, and that’s what Mosh was doing. I say was doing because the 3D makes it 4-2. That leaves us with D’lo and Godfather against four guys. Brown does something very simple but also very smart. He hits that legdrop he does and covers Bubba, but he looks straight at his opponents’ corner. That’s very intelligent when you think about it.

If you’re trying to sell this match, then you want to cover the intelligence factors of it. By making sure that he’s not going to get jumped, D’lo is doing that. It’s a tiny thing but it makes a big difference. Now let’s get to the stupid stuff because you know it’s coming. Bradshaw pops Brown and Bubba with some SICK chair shots to be DQed. Farrooq and D-Von now fight over who should get the pin.

In the stupidest part of this, D-Von covers him and Farrooq drops a leg on him. He looks at D-Von who is up and then covers as well. Yeah that’s going to go well. They brawl to the back and are apparently counted out, which just like in 1994, DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. Neither guy is legal, so it’s exactly the same thing as standing on the apron. That’s just stupid, but anyway it’s 2-1 now. I’ve always loved Bubba’s side slam. It just looks sweet all around.

Bubba is completely destroying him here, but Brown escapes long enough to tag in…and I hate having to say this…the former Intercontinental Champion, who dominates for a bit before hitting the crappy splash in the corner to set up the Low Down for the pin. I really hate these guys. Make that I hate Godfather. At least Brown had some cool moves. Only here in this time frame would this be the intelligent booking to go with. The ho dance takes us to the next segment.

Rating: B-. The booking makes ZERO sense from modern perspective, and there really was no point to the Headbangers being there. They split up soon enough anyway. Godfather was for some reason considered a somewhat big deal for reasons that mere mortals like myself can’t comprehend. The Dudleyz would soon be where they belonged, but here they were rookies to the company. It was an ok match with everyone working hard, so I’ll take it I guess as a decent opener.

We get a video package on Kurt Angle. This is pure greatness as he is this arrogant jerk but he acts like the all American boy. It’s just awesome. His resume really is awesome when you think about it. I’m so used to seeing him bald that it’s weird seeing him with a full head of hair. Also, this was back when Angle had that pleasant little thing called sanity.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Kurt Angle

Let the jobbing begin. I have never heard more generic music in my life. Apparently his big claim to fame is being the son of a transitional world champion. Oh dear. Angle’s introduction is all impressive and a listing of his accomplishments which is just comical. He’s so clean cut that it’s great considering what he was going to become. Angle had a great advantage to him just as all other “real” wrestlers have.

They need less seasoning and training because they have the amateur background to fall back on. He can learn as he goes but can just go out there and do basic suplexes and holds etc. while not really having learned a lot. It can be called adjusting to the new style, which is actually true. They describe Stasiak as no slouch, and you know what that means. They go onto the mat, and in something that shocks me, Stasiak keeps up with him. That’s very surprising.

Angle hits a textbook overhead belly to belly and gets NOTHING. The fans are chanting for the Redwings because they’re idiots. This is proof of everything that’s wrong with the Attitude Era. Angle and Stasiak just did a very fast paced and crisp mat sequence and then went into a standard wrestling sequence with Angle playing to the crowd very well. However because no referee got bumped and no cursing was done and no weapons were used, the fans hate it. That to me is hogwash.

I was impressed by what I just saw, but apparently it’s boring. And that my friends is why the Attitude Era sucked. It was about drama and not wrestling. That’s just awful all around. Angle and Benoit and Jericho saved the sport more than anyone else because they got in there and just put on classic after classic after classic and it got the fans more interested in the athleticism they were seeing.

Angle has a great look to him with the red white and blue being the most basic outfit you can have and it simply doesn’t fail. Oh he also came out to what used to be Patriot’s music that is now known as his. The fans are DEAD other than a boring chant. In the middle of the match, Angle hits the floor and cuts a promo about how you don’t boo an Olympic gold medalist because he’s the best in the world.

That’s simple but effective. JR brings up a point that’s been argued many times over on these forums: the fans paid their money and can cheer or boo for whomever they want. At the risk of starting a page long debate, I’ll go with I agree with him. People love and cheer for Darth Vader. That doesn’t mean he’s a horrible character. Anyway, Stasiak whispers spots to Angle while in a chinlock.

Angle has a SWEET counter to what I think was a scoop slam from when he came off the ropes as he spins around completely and lands on his feet. It’s hard to describe but it looked awesome. Stasiak could have been decent if pushed right. That’s the big issue: he was just boring. He hits what we would call a slightly modified F5 with the only difference being he throws his body backwards and lands on his stomach instead of next to next to Angle on his back.

It worked fairly well for him though. This is his PPV debut as well apparently. He hits the rotating belly to back suplex for the pin. He gets booed and just doesn’t understand it which is a great character to say the least.

Rating: C+. For a future superstar making his debut, this was ok, but it needed to be maybe a minute shorter. Stasiak being on offense for the most part makes sense here, as he’s more experienced so it makes sense that Angle takes a bit to adjust to him. Also, it makes sense that he carries the match since Angle is a rookie. This was fine, but the fans disappoint me with how jaded they are.

We get a clip from Heat where HHH tried to get Austin and Rock beaten up which failed completely.

Val Venis/Gangrel/Mark Henry/Steve Blackman vs. British Bulldog/Mean Street Posse

The Posse was a group of Shane’s friends that won I think a combined four matches in the company. Venis is the embodiment of everything that was wrong with the Attitude Era, and he’s one of the most remembered stars of it.  Despite how over the top his character was, he really was a solid wrestler and there are rumors he was the official test run for new wrestlers. Allegedly, Vince would have Venis wrestle new guys to see if they had anything. A lot of jobs could have been won or lost based on his recommendations. Granted that’s just a rumor so it very well could be false, but it makes sense when you think about it. I have no clue what the point of this match is, but whatever.

My best guess would be to get Val more over. Ross says that they have nothing in common, so at least it’s not something I’m missing. Henry is the Hershey Bar of Love at this point. Gangrel, despite being completely and utterly awful at anything wrestling related, does have one of the sweetest entrances of all time. I’m still not sure if I like Blackman or not. I used to hate him but the more I see of him the more I think I like him.

For no apparent reason after the faces come out we see a graphic for the match which JR sums up quite well: “There’s your match.” Bulldog was gone in about 6 months after this. He’s European Champion at this point. The Posse is comprised of Pete Gas, Joey Abs and Rodney. They’re as generic as their names imply. We start with the two most talented guys in the match, Bulldog and Venis. Actually they might be the only two talented guys in the match.

Since it’s the Survivor Series, we get a Montreal reference. Lawler of course asks for details. That delayed suplex is just a thing of beauty. That’s real strength. Pete comes in and naturally gets his head handed to him. He gets some decent stuff in to be fair, but the gimmick was just never going to work in the end. Blackman comes in and ends Pete with a bicycle kick. That was short and sweet I guess.

Ross simply does not like the Posse. “He looks like he went to a barber college and went to the guys with bad grades.” Where in the world does he come up with these things? Oh dear it’s Rodney vs. Gangrel. This could set wrestling back 100 years. It only sets it back 50 or so as Joey misses a shot to Rodney and Gangrel hits the Impaler to end him. Edge really needs to go back to that. It just looks awesome on so many levels.

It’s 4-2 for those of you that are wondering. Joey is in now, and he’s by far the most talented of these guys as he had some wrestling experience before coming to the WWF. Joey actually picks up Mark Henry to drape him over the top rope. That wasn’t bad. Joey is gone soon after though due to a massive splash. As I’ve said on so many occasions: if you use a splash that’s not from the top rope as a finisher, you likely suck.

Henry catches Bulldog coming off the ropes in a press slam, but doesn’t get him all the way up and kind of throws him. Not only did that look bad, but it was fairly dangerous. Henry probably expected a raise for it. Bulldog is up holding his shoulder so apparently I might be right. He catches the incredibly agile Gangrel on the top and suplexes him down for the pin. We get a Cleveland Indians reference, which Lawler quickly corrects.

In one of the DUMBEST refereeing moves I’ve ever seen, Bulldog hits a PerfectPlex on Blackman for the pin. That’s fine on paper, but Blackman’s arm is AT LEAST 6 inches off the mat and right in front of the referee. Ok, I can understand missing something minor but that was just horrendous. My mouth actually opened at the sight of that. After that horribleness, we’re back to Val and Bulldog. The faces double team him as Lawler asks what they’re doing.

Ross’ response: it looks like Val and Mark Henry are double teaming the Bulldog. Just a guess.” That was funny. Dang I just thought JR was funny. I need more sleep. Val hooks a small package, which there has to be a joke about somewhere. Naturally JR becomes a jerk a few seconds later so I knew it wasn’t going to last. Both guys hit splashes on him to end this. The sex jokes start up as I wince at them.

Rating: D+. This was a big step down from the earlier match. It just seemed pointless as even Ross said there was nothing in common between the faces. I fail to see the point in this match, but it’s the late 90s so that’s likely the point. Val and Bulldog were the only decent wrestlers out there, so yep, we have an Attitude Era match. This just wasn’t really needed.

Michael Cole more or less barges into the Divas (not called that yet) locker room where Ivory throws herself at him. Naturally, Cole leaves. This was pointless.

Mae/Moolah/Debra/Tori vs. Ivory/Luna/Jackie/Terri

This isn’t Torrie Wilson mind you, but the original psycho fan Tori that was rather hot at times, but set a new record for how bad a women’s wrestler could be. This is one fall, thank goodness. This was two months before the legendarily creepy moment where Mae was topless on PPV somewhere in her 80s. Naturally, Wrestlezone had a link up where you could see the pics. Ok I only looked twice. It’s not that big of a deal.

Yep, Tori looks insanely hot. She’s Kane’s girlfriend at this point. Debra gets a MASSIVE pop. We cut to a shot of Lawler which is cracking me up with how big his eyes are. Lawler’s jokes about Moolah and Mae are quite funny. Ross says Moolah used to have a figure like Miss America. According to Lawler she’s lost a lot of Canada and gained a lot of Mexico. Think about that one for a minute and you’ll get it. I’ve never liked Jackie. She’s just annoying.

Luna is apparently a few sandwiches short of a picnic. All of these girls’ music sounds exactly the same. Ivory is Women’s Champion at this point, having both amazingly and pathetically beaten Moolah for the belt a few weeks before this. Moolah and Mae would both be 76 at this point. Yeah it’s pathetic. Why would Vince allow them to wrestle? That’s just stupid. Sadly, they’re the 2nd and 3rd best workers out there regardless of age, and they’re just behind Luna.

Jackie might be better but I hate her so she’s out. Terri is managing the Hardys right now, as they won the Terri Invitational Tournament. It was just them vs. Edge and Christian in a best of seven series culminating in a ladder match, but it did what it was supposed to do. This is a pure T&A match here. Good grief they’re STILL on the introductions. Even money says they’ll go longer than the match. We get the standard warning from JR that this might not be pretty. Please just make it short.

They actually throw Mae through the ropes to the floor. This is just ridiculous. I don’t care if they say they can do this or not. They’re in their 70s and don’t belong anywhere NEAR a freaking ring. Thankfully we move on to Tori vs. Jackie. Reread that and let it sink in. That’s something you may never read again, period. The level of sloppiness in this match hasn’t been invented yet.

Jackie and Luna botch a tag. You read that correctly. They missed a FREAKING TAG. How is that possible? You slap the other person’s hand. It’s really not that complicated. I’ve seen monkeys that can do it. I’ve seen infants that can do it. I’ve even seen mods that can do it, yet they botched it. Tori slows down to duck a double clothesline, and now Moolah (accidentally called Lillian) is back in.

After slamming Ivory (rather impressive actually), they hit what was supposed to be a double clothesline to pin her. They put their hands together and dropped to their knees for it. It’s worse than it sounds. No one gets that it’s over which I think was because they just ended it while it was only embarrassing. Terri gets her top ripped off to end this idiocy. Apparently not as we have a brawl. Just end it, please.

Rating: N/A. To allow two women in their late 70s into a wrestling ring and have them try to compete is completely and utterly appalling. It’s irresponsible and ridiculous to say the least and Vince should be ashamed of himself for it. I’m disgusted by this.

We get an ad for WWF.com. It’s a blind guy walking around and another guy shifts him so that he gets hit by a bus. That…was stupid.

Lillian Garcia, who looks a heck of a lot hotter here if that’s possible, talks to the now heel X-Pac. He says he carried Kane. He sounds drunk.

X-Pac vs. Kane

I’ve always loved X-Pac’s music. We get a quick interview from earlier in the night where Tori talks for Kane. Naturally, Tori references something that X-Pac wouldn’t talk about for about two hours so there we go. Kane is rocking the alternate costume tonight with mostly black and a bit of red. I’ve always liked that one better. The basic story here is X-Pac and Kane were tag champions, they lost two matches and Pac split.

X-Pac had been mainly wrestling giants and it was around this time that he became completely hated. I wonder if there’s a connection there. By jove I think there is! Naturally Kane starts off by dominating but Pac lands a kick to the face to slow him down. Shockingly enough, Tori is blamed for this. Pac hits a sweet kick as they debate Kane’s alleged impotence. Who feeds them these lines?

He goes for the Bronco Buster and gets choked into a backbreaker. When Kane hits that top rope clothesline right, it is an absolute thing of beauty and one of my favorite moves ever. Kane hits the chokeslam and assumes the position to be pulled out and there’s Road Dogg to do so. To do so is fun type. X-Pac hits the X-Factor and Kane uses the power kickout because that move is just garbage of the highest quality. Or would it be lowest quality? Eh whatever.

Kane sets for a tombstone but HHH runs out and hits him with the belt for the DQ. Now that’s the kind of heel stable leader that children can be proud of: one that runs in and nails a guy with a belt to save his teammates. Learn something Orton (assuming Legacy is still together in two months’ time). Lawler says that Kane has always wanted to be the WWF Champion.

I know it was short Jerry, but can you at least remember who has been World Champion and who hasn’t? DX sets him up for the dreaded Bronco Buster because you know, it’s deadly and painful, but Tori runs, or bounces I guess, to the ring. X-Pac kicks the heck out of her, allegedly by accident.

This awakens Kane to kill Pac but he bails. Naturally Tori would leave Kane soon enough to become X-Pac’s girlfriend in about a week despite him kicking her in the face. JR says that DX is scattering like quail. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS JR ON?

Rating: C+. This was barely over four minutes so it’s hard to grade. Kane beat on Pac, so that’s a good sign I suppose. It was a brawl (in the Attitude Era? YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!) for the most part with Kane just beating the living tar out of him for the most part. The run in was pretty stupid, but I guess it was required to keep the feud going. I hate it, but it had to be done I suppose.

They show a replay of the kick, and it’s so far off that Lawler slips up and can’t finish his line of how solid that kick was without a pause. It’s that bad. This is why they need to screen those replays. That was abysmal.

Cole is with Rock as we cue the big pop. Before he can talk though, HHH shows up and the brawl is on.

Send in your cable bill and get a free Rock pendent. Again, this is a good idea that they should bring back. It’s not going to kill them to throw out some Cena wristbands or something like that.

Big Show vs. Prince Albert/Mideon/Viscera/Bossman

Mideon has his face painted which looks very odd. Boss Man and Show were in the middle of an angle where Boss Man was tormenting Show because Show’s father passed away. It would lead to a match on PPV which was horrible. It eventually led to the great line of “Big Show, you’re a bastard and your mama said so!” That’s a great line, period. We see Boss Man reading a sympathy card for Show’s dad and with the deadpan delivery, it’s awesome.

We get another great scene where Boss Man interrupts Show’s father’s funeral (for those that don’t remember, Show was said to be the son of Andre the Giant, so in other words it’s taken 6 and a half years to bury Andre. I love the redoing of storylines.) and tying the casket to a car. Show gave chase and is dragged off on top of the casket. It’s out of a bad comedy movie and cracks me up every time. Boss Man is hardcore champion at this point.

Also, Show was supposed to have Kai En Tai and Blue Meanie as partners, but he beat them up so this would be a handicap match. At least they didn’t really let them do that match as it would have made less sense than the Val/Bulldog team. Naturally, we have a replay of it. Heat used to be awesome. Stuff actually happened on it which never happens anymore. The people pop for Show fairly well, which turns out to be a good thing.

Show also has long hair here, which takes a bit of getting used to. Show knocks down Albert (A-Train) and then spins around looking for someone else to hit in a funny spot. After that, Show hits three chokeslams and the best big man bodyslam I’ve ever seen on Viscera inside of 30 seconds to eliminate three guys not named Big Boss Man, who runs for the count out.

Rating: N/A. I can’t grade a minute and a half match, but Show was AWESOME here. This is how Show should have been booked his entire career as he just ran through three good sized men with absolute ease. He picked up Viscera and slammed him with absolute ease. I mean he looked like he was slamming X-Pac or something. The booking was there, the pops were there, and this was the time to do something with Big Show. Alas, nothing would come of it.

Buy Armageddon. Steve Austin will be there.

Kevin Kelly is with Austin, but before he can talk HHH jumps him. In a funny looking spot he punches Austin and takes a sip of water. That just looked odd. Austin chases him while putting his hat on. Road Dogg and X-Pac are running as well, and Austin is in the parking garage. He looks up, and THAT CAR JUST RAN OVER AUSTIN!

Yes, this is the infamous car angle where Austin was hit by a speeding car in a hit and run that put him on the shelf for nearly a year, paving the way for Rock and HHH to rise up to the top of the company. Note: Rock only got as big as Austin when there was no Austin there. This became the top angle in the company next summer as the hunt was on for who ran him down. This was the height of the Attitude Era and their true life angles.

Vince is seen sprinting to the garage to check on Austin, as do Stephanie, her boyfriend/fiancé Test and eventually HHH. Vince sees HHH and immediately accuses him of being the driver which he denies. Ross has gone to the back as well, so Lawler asks the question that would become the million dollar question for the next year or so: who was driving the car? Like I said, this was the excuse used for Austin to go off and have neck surgery that he desperately needed, albeit back in 1997.

HHH and DX keep saying they had nothing to do with this. This angle was fairly well hidden from the IWC, but they knew that Austin would not be wrestling in the main event that night. Now that brings up another question that I’ll get to when we get to the main event.

Anyway, the main thing here is the angle of who was driving. We would find out in the fall of 2000. I can’t remember who it was, but someone mentions that the driver had blonde hair. Commissioner Mick Foley plays detective and eventually deduces who it was based on something Scotty 2 Hotty says. Scotty said something along the lines of he and Grand Master were with Rikishi partying that night.

Mick uses this information to deduce that it was Rikishi that was driving, based on the fact that Rikishi hadn’t debuted yet. This was an issue for two reasons. Number one, so what if he hadn’t debuted yet? Too Cool can’t have non-wrestling friends? Number two, Rikishi already had debuted on Jakked, which aired the night before Survivor Series. The second one I can excuse, because the show came on at 2am and it wasn’t something everyone got.

Also, it was a year ago and not a lot of people are going to remember a specific Saturday night at 2am a year ago, so that’s ok. The explanation of how Foley knew it was Rikishi never made sense to me, but whatever. He claimed that he did it for the Rock, his cousin, because Rock was being held down by the white man. Yes, that’s what they went with. Austin came back and Rikishi was the number two heel in the company. The story BOMBED.

This happened for about a million reasons. First of all, it made zero sense. Just reread the storyline and tell me how it’s a good idea. Second, all signs pointed to HHH. It made sense for it to be HHH. It should have freaking been HHH. Finally, IT’S FREAKING RIKISHI! What in the heck can Austin do with someone like Rikishi? That became the problem. He was just too fat to do anything with.

After about eight seconds the company figured this out and switched it up so that Rikishi was just working on HHH’s orders. That at least made sense. It led to a short HHH vs. Austin feud, but in the end it was really a short length feud, which I guess was ok as those two have always hated each other. Either way, this blew the doors off the hinges for awhile as it was the hottest story in the sport. I think the main reason it failed was because of Rikishi.

It just made zero sense as he went from being a fat midcard guy that was a comedy character to a criminal mastermind helping his cousin because of race overnight. That just doesn’t work. HHH would have been perfect for the master villain, because it’s totally something he would have done.

It was still ok, but it could have been light years better. They at least tried though and I’ll give them credit for that. I can’t imagine they had Rikishi planned the whole time, as they had about 10 months before they had to explain it.

They really handled this part of the show well as this looked very real. You have to factor in that this was the first time that something like this had been done, so it blew our minds. It wasn’t something like Vince having the set fall on him or something stupid like that. This was a huge deal at the time and it came off perfectly.

And with no transition, let’s keep going.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna vs. Chris Jericho

Chyna is the first ever female IC Champion. Now at the time, this was a HUGE deal. This was one of the biggest angles of the year as I think it even got some mainstream coverage. It really is a big deal when you think of it. Can you imagine today say Mickie James feuding with John Morrison and having a legit chance of beating him?

That’s absurd sounding right? This worked, and was a big deal on so many levels. On top of that, the matches were good. And on top of that, Chyna and Miss Kitty looked hotter than any two humans should be allowed to be. Oh yeah the match.

Jericho is getting bigger and bigger pops every time he comes through the curtain. JR is back and clearly is a good bit shaken up. They go at it immediately and Jericho shoves Kitty down. Jericho was more or less replacing Jarrett in this feud. I think that’s a major upgrade for them. Loud Jericho chant starts up.

Chyna winds up on the floor as this is starting kind of slowly. Jericho hits a dive to take her out as Ross talks about Austin more. I can accept it this time though as it’s a major deal. Lawler tells him to be a professional. That’s rather unfunny. Jericho sends her into the table and the announcers get chivalrous all of a sudden.

Missile dropkick gets two. More Austin talk from Ross as Jericho is dominating. Jericho does the foot on chest cover for two. The fans boo Chyna a bit and pop big for Jericho and they actually reference it on commentary. Lawler says they booed the gold medalists here for Christ’s sake. It’s weird hearing that on commentary in WWE no matter what era.

Clothesline puts Chyna on the floor as impressively this isn’t getting boring. He kisses Kitty which ticks off Jerry a bit. Chyna finally wakes up a bit and takes down Jericho to even more booing. Jericho gets a powerbomb for only two. We reference a boxing match from last night as Vince couldn’t be happier than to be bigger than boxing.

Apparently Jericho has said he’ll get a sex change if he loses. Handspring elbow and DDT get two. Down goes the referee and Jericho pops her with the title which was in the corner ala a WCW belt. Never been a fan of that. That only gets two though as Jericho is stunned.

Pedigree gets two. It’s not everyday he can kick out of that so he better use the opportunity while he has it. The Walls go on and the title is in trouble. She gets close to the ropes but is dragged back into the middle before crawling back and getting them the second time. They fight to the corner and Chyna gets a Pedigree off the middle rope for the pin. Dude, did Punk copy Chyna?

Rating: B. Now that’s more like it! That right there is the biggest reason why the feud worked: the matches were good. You could see very clearly though that Jericho would have to turn face soon though as his pops were just off the charts. It makes me feel better to know that at the end of the day, no matter how many stupid angles or whatever is going on, the crowd will react best to solid wrestling, and that’s what they got here.

At no time during this match did Chyna’s gender make it seem like she was weaker, not once. That’s a big vote of confidence in Chyna as well. Not only was she given the Intercontinental Title, but she had a decent run with it. I think she held it three times, and she defended it on PPV. That’s saying a lot when you think about it. Vince has a huge midcard and he picked her to be the champion of it. That’s saying a lot. Solid match.

Test, Shane and Stephanie are in the locker room and DX comes in. Once again they deny doing anything. I think everyone knew that HHH had something to do with it, but we weren’t sure what. HHH asks if it’s a triple threat still and gets thrown out.

Hardy Boys/Edge and Christian vs. Hollies/Too Cool

Holy one sided match Batman! Or at least it should be, but since it’s four wrestlers against four gimmick guys, I’d be willing to bet on how this is going to go. Everyone knew that the more famous teams here were going to be something very special, but no one knew what was coming. Edge and Christian come through the crowd which is just always cool looking. Scotty just looks flat out stupid. Edge of course looks cool.

Ross says he can’t get his mind into the match. That makes sense. Lawler saying that it’s not a big deal is a lot funnier than it sounds. I certainly wouldn’t believe that three of the four would become world champions within ten years, and arguably all four have. That’s impressive. It’s so strange to see these guys being the young studs that steal the show instead of being the names put on the signs that sell tickets to the shows.

Ross keeps talking about Austin, which for once doesn’t bother me. When Schiavone and Heenan would talk about everything but the match all of the time it would drive me insane. Here, it’s at least mainly about the match and then a few moments about Austin. I will never forget a Nitro where the TV Title changed hands and literally, the first mention of the 8 minute match was to say there was a new champion.

Other than that, it was ALL about the main event. That’s just disrespectful. I can understand it when a major thing happens like this, but not for a TV main event. Lawler is just flat out mean here and I’m loving it. He’s talking about Grand Master the whole time, and this is before it’s revealed that it was his son. I think it’s more like the worst kept secret in wrestling at this point, as Lawler is making little jokes here and there about it.

For the second time tonight we lose a cameraman. Edge spears all three heels other than Scotty. I think Too Cool are heels, but I’m not sure. It’s not a heel gimmick if nothing else but whatever. I think the more famous team are supposed to be tweeners at this point.

Edge misses a spear and hits Matt with it instead, leading to him being rammed into by Jeff, which leads to Edge getting rolled up and pinned. Scotty hits a move that I’ve always thought would be cool. He gets on the top rope and dives forward like a front dropkick, but catches Matt’s head on the way down to pull him into a DDT to eliminate him, making it 4-2 all of a sudden. The Worm gets ZERO reaction, as Too Cool are indeed heels here. I thought so.

Yeah the famous guys are faces indeed here. I guess having Terri made me think they were heels. What am I saying? She was good looking so she must have been popular back then since that’s all that mattered. Ross doesn’t know what a hippie is. Oh come on now JR. It’s Oklahoma not Iceland. Ross threatens to give Lawler one finger which causes an audible chuckle from the King.

Ok, I can almost buy that Ross has never heard of hippies. But to imply that he’s never heard of Roy Rogers? Oh I don’t think so. What kind of man that wears a cowboy hat doesn’t know who Roy Rogers is? The Hollies start fighting which allows Jeff to hit a 450 on Scotty for the pin. He hadn’t started using the Swanton yet so that was his big move. I don’t get why he changed it. It’s not like the 450 was bad or something.

Maybe there was an injury along the way or something. Either way, he should have stuck with the 450. If nothing else it looks better. Just to be amusing, Lawler talks about how Ross has no sympathy for his best friend Austin because he keeps talking about the match. That’s just great stuff. When Lawler is on his game there’s no one better on the mic than him.

Christian and Jeff go for Poetry in Motion but Hardcore is waiting on the top rope to nail a dropkick onto Jeff in midair in a sweet looking spot. That was really cool. Grandmaster hits a legdrop from the top onto Jeff’s body to pin him, which should make him a world title contender I suppose. May the wrestling gods perish the thought. As he dances Christian grabs him and hits the reverse DDT to make it 2-1. That was quick.

Christian still doesn’t belong at the top of the food chain though. It’s the Hollies vs. Christian. JR asks King why he’s such a jerk. I’ve always wondered that myself. Tim White tells Crash to get out which makes me chuckle. After a short mini match, Christian pins Crash with the Unprettier, known to you rookies as the Killswitch Engaged.

I wonder why they named it after the band that does CM Punk’s song. Lawler will just not let up on Ross. Holly stops a victory roll to pin Christian about 30 seconds later in a very surprising win in my eyes. Granted that may be hindsight.

Rating: B. This was the spotfest match of the night and it worked very well. Those four guys were the future of the company, but I don’t think people thought it would take as long as it did for that to happen.

Either way, they were the hottest acts in the world and once they were paired with the Dudleys, they went through the roof. As for the match, it was fast paced and full of big spots, but that’s what these guys were best at and it was on display here in a good but not really deep match if that makes sense.

Shane, Test and Stephanie say that Austin didn’t lose consciousness, despite Ross saying he did when he was with him. Shane says there will still be a triple threat match, but it won’t have Austin in it. There’s a short rant/explanation coming on that later.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Al Snow/Mankind

What a great tag match before we get to the main event. The Outlaws are just past their height of popularity here, but they’re still way up there. The more I see of Road Dogg the more I like him I think. He’s just great on the mic every time you hear him talk and his in ring work wasn’t bad at all. The speculation of who the third man will be begins as Lawler wants to know who was driver. Lawler thinks it was Billy.

It wasn’t, but that would have made more sense than Rikishi. These arguments sound like something out of South Park. Mankind says that Austin is a tough son of a gun and after the match they’ll be going to check on him, but until then all they’ll be thinking about are the New Age Outlaws. This was around the time also that a Snow action figure was banned from Wal-Mart because one of those stupid parent’s groups decided that Head was a severed woman’s head.

You know because there’s so much blood and everything on it. Wal-Mart pulled it because they didn’t want to hear a bunch of whiny old women complaining and moaning about something else. Snow was thrilled by it for some weird reason. Mankind returned Head to him on Smackdown, which Ross of course describes as “Mankind gave Snow Head on Thursday”, because gay jokes are the funniest thing in the world right?

I mean that’s what commentators are for right? To crack stupid jokes. I really hate this era. Foley’s book had just come out too, which really was a good read. Lawler is in top form here with his insults and needling of Ross. Snow hits a pretty sweet looking jumping Downward Spiral as they discuss the Wal-Mart thing. Apparently they even mentioned it on SNL. That’s not bad.

Snow pops Road Dogg with a special Survivor Series chair. Only in professional wrestling is a souvenir steel chair a perfectly reasonable idea. The fans are really bored with this and I can understand that completely. There’s just nothing going on here. Foley was just about done here, with only the big feud with HHH left to end his career. Billy wrestling with a shirt on just looks odd for some reason.

Ross says that the Outlaws might be the best tag team ever. That’s just freaking stupid, but whatever. The tag tournament will be over by the time this is posted, so there we are. They blame Snow’s ineptness on the Wal-Mart thing instead of the fact that he just wasn’t that good at this point in his career. Billy gets the Fameasser which gets two.

Mankind gets up and hits the double arm DDT (called a suplex by JR, continuing his time honored tradition of only the best commentary that has ever been uttered by deities like himself) as Snow hits the Snow Plow, but after hitting both of their finishing moves, there’s no cover because Foley needs to get the sock.

I hate excesses like this. There’s just no point to them at all. To be fair it does get the crowd awake a bit. Billy gets out of it and Snow pops him with Head, but no pin. The Outlaws get a spike piledriver on Foley to end this.

Rating: D+. This was just boring until the end. I mean nothing happened for the most part. It was just random bad offense between four guys that just weren’t into this at all. This certainly shouldn’t have been the second to last match of the night as the fans are just a bit dead. This was nothing of note and the ending was just there.

They tell us the same things we heard earlier about Austin and we see it again. Oh another note that I forgot to mention: allegedly it was Rock’s car that hit him, but Rock said his car was stolen earlier in the night. That makes sense at least.

WWF Title: Rock vs. HHH vs.???

Rock comes out to bring the fans back to life which should be considered a miracle. Vince isn’t here to be guest referee either so this is screaming for Montreal 3. That big belt really looks awesome on a ton of levels. It’s more or less a given here that whoever the mystery guy is will become the new champion. That’s just how wrestling works. Now, as for the who it would be, every, and I mean every, sign on the face of the planet pointed to this being Test.

Think about it. At the time he had been moving higher and higher up the card, he had been feuding with HHH to a certain extent so the story is there, he was Stephanie’s fiancé (the infamous wedding was two weeks after this), and he was seen with Shane when Shane said it would still be a triple threat. Putting the title on Test for a two week run or maybe even a one day run, as ridiculous as it sounds now, would have made a lot of sense at the time actually.

He was one of the hottest young guys in the company, he was having solid matches, it fit with the storylines and he was very popular. Everything on the planet would have made you believe it would be Test. It’s not Test. It’s the Big Show. I remember seeing this and being confused but excited. Show at the time was young, new and awesome because they booked him right.

They rarely let him be in a match very long and it made him look unbelievably dominant. HHH is MAD. Rock isn’t sure what to do. Naturally they jump him early which makes perfect sense. He hits an awesome looking diving double clothesline to take them out. I’m liking this. Show was the big monster at this point and this was working really well. He’s also a lot slimmer at this time so he looks like the monster that they always build him up to be today.

Show is throwing HHH around which is just impressive. Amazingly enough, we hit the floor less than three minutes into the match. At least they gave the in ring stuff a real chance this time. They say Show is the biggest man in WWF history at 7’2 and 500lbs. That’s just completely wrong but whatever.

They get him down and Rock hits the People’s Elbow which apparently would have been a three if HHH hadn’t made the save. Yeah I’ll buy that one. Show and HHH double team the Rock for just a bit. Never mind we’re back to Show vs. HHH on the floor of course. Le sigh we’re going back to the entrance way for more brawling. HHH gets slammed through some random table that was just sitting there for no apparent reason.

My video freezes a bit in the middle of a JR line that I just knew would end in HHH should burn. Yep I’m right. I think I watch too much wrestling. This brawling is ridiculous. Rock is about to be chokeslammed but HHH breaks it up, because of course you need two threats instead of just one right? They cover it by saying HHH needs Rock’s help to beat Big Show.

Based just on the way they’re building up Show, you could pretty much tell he would be taking the title tonight. We brawl a bit more because we haven’t hit our quota yet so we go to the announce tables for awhile. Show takes a bell to the head, leading to both other guys managing to suplex him through the Spanish Announce Table. Oh how I love running jokes. Dang it Rock and HHH are fighting in the crowd now.

I really hate this style. It’s not even a style. It’s just wild fighting with no rhyme or reason to it, but it sold tickets and drove up ratings I guess, so there we are. Since there hasn’t been enough stupid stuff in this match, we lose a referee. Rock hits the Rock Bottom but there’s no referee. Shane apparently just happened to have a referee’s shirt laying around so he sprints to the ring and counts two.

Another Rock Bottom gets two as Show makes the save. Lawler calls him the Giant which really isn’t a copyright issue because he is indeed a giant. Show puts Rock on the table and just beats the holy crap out of him before going back into the ring. Instead of trying to you know, pin HHH he goes back to beating on Rock on the floor. HHH gets the belt because he just felt lonely without it I guess.

HHH pedigrees his future brother in law for no apparent reason other than he’s a heel. Here’s DX because we haven’t had enough of them tonight. This was another big criticism of the Attitude Era as everything ended in a big brawl, much like WCW and the NWO or TNA today. Vince is back though, and business isn’t about to pick up. JR you disappoint me. He pops HHH in the head with the belt and HhH is up before Vince is in a stupid looking moment.

The chokeslam gives us the shocking new champion and a good pop from the crowd. Rock and Show would start a feud soon enough, as this would be the original main event for Mania but Foley was added in for no apparent reason other than letting him main event a Mania. Show dedicates the win to his father which if his father had legitimately died recently would be awesome but it’s not so whatever.

Rating: C+. WAY too much brawling here. I get that they didn’t want to expose Show as a bit limited so they did what they could, but this was over half on the floor in a fifteen minute plus match. It was ok, but the massive amount of run ins and brawling hurt it for me. It’s ok, but it’s nothing special. The surprises at the beginning and the end help it a lot, so we’ll call it just above average.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pretty solid show, but there’s no great match on it anywhere. Jericho and Chyna is easily the best match here, but that’s not saying a lot. This is far more important for Austin of course, but that wouldn’t be touched on for nearly a year.

Show would hold the title for about a month and a half before losing it back to HHH on Raw and then turning heel to join up with Shane, leading to the McMahon in every corner main event at Wrestlemania. This is an ok show, but it’s just ok. I don’t think I’d recommend it, but I wouldn’t recommend to avoid it either, if that makes sense. It’s better than just being there, but not by much.

 

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