First up we have NorCal and Shockmaster previewing Summerslam and Takeover: Brooklyn before paying tribute to Roddy Piper.
Then we have NorCal and myself in a quick shot of ripping on Kevin Dunn, TNA and the Divas.
Finally, remember to check out the Wrestling Bundle this week, starting at midnight tonight and wrapping up in just seven days. Get it while you can:
http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/08/16/the-wrestling-bundle/
Why was Roddy Piper so great?
http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-great-scot/38187/
And remember to check out the rest of wrestlingrumors.net for a bunch of other cool stuff.
Ty is back for a discussion of the AFC East and of course the Roddy Piper news.
Due to cardiac arrest. This is starting to make the rounds from TMZ and then Meltzer (http://www.f4wonline.com/more/more-top-stories/96-wwe-news/43860-roddy-piper-passes-away). If so, this is a huge shock as Piper had plans to be on a podcast today and was giving interviews over the recent Hogan issues.
This is a huge shock and it’s going to take a bit for me to process it. More on this later of course but I’m stunned at the moment. Piper was a huge star when I was growing up and one of the first big stars I remember.
San Francisco TV
Date: July 1, 1978
Location: KXTV Studios, Sacramento, California
Commentator: Hank Renner
I had a good time with the previous show and I’m assuming this is the followup. I’m guessing we won’t be seeing Piper or Race here as it was rare to see the same lineup week after week. It was a nice way to keep things fresh and you never knew who you were going to see on a week to week basis. Let’s get to it.
Just like last time, the show is incomplete and at least the first match is missing. That’s something you have to expect on something like this though.
Jerry Monte vs. Buddy Rose
Rose is a big time heel. After some quick stalling it’s Rose taking Monte down and slapping on a chinlock. That goes nowhere so Rose, in his overly huge trunks, misses an elbow and gets caught in an armbar. Well at least Monte has some psychology to him. They trade slams and it’s right back to that armbar.
Back up and we get some miscommunication as both guys try a drop down at the same time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that one before. Monte slaps on a third armbar until Buddy fights up with some basic strikes. A rake to the face freaks Buddy out and the fans are getting into this. Buddy whips him hard into the buckle though and drives some knees into the back, setting up a backbreaker (similar to the Irish Curse) for the pin.
Rating: C-. I liked this way more than I was expecting to as Monte was game for a fight here. Rose was obviously going to win, but at least they didn’t go with something really simple and boring. Monte tried out there and did some decent stuff with the arm until we got to the only possible conclusion.
Buddy Rose brags about his robe and says he has the accomplishments at 25 years old that no one else has ever had. He’s been compared to Ray Stevens, but Rose is just that much better. That match might be coming one day, but Stevens will be facing the man with a steel stomach (seriously), Pepper Gomez, on July 15. Rose knows Gomez has a hard stomach but he can pound on everything else.
The younger generation is taking over and it’s no longer Lou Thesz’s world. It’s Buddy Rose’s world because he’s earned this reputation. Last week he was wrestling all over the country and he’s insulted by having to fight in a preliminary match in the Cow Palace. It’s only main events for Rose and only if the money is right. This was an interesting case as the message was good but Rose has an awkward way of speaking and it didn’t work as well as it could have. He needed to cut down a bit and get to the point faster, though he got the points across.
Guy Lambert vs. Roddy Piper
We get some more bagpipes before the match. Piper takes his sweet time in taking off the kilt before we can get going. Lambert scores with a quick slam to send Piper outside and three armdrags into an armbar. Piper fights out of a wristlock (how did he ever manage to do that?) and hammers away in the corner, followed by a clothesline for two of his own. A high backdrop gets the same but Lambert puts on a freaky abdominal stretch. That goes nowhere and Piper punches a lot more before finishing with a pair of swinging neckbreakers.
Rating: D. Boring match here with Piper destroying the guy but with far less energy or entertainment value than last week. The match wasn’t that long and Lambert was fine for a jobber, but you expect more from someone like Piper, especially after the really fun match he had last week.
Post match Piper says the match with Mayne was non-title, which is either a mistake on Wikipedia or a lie to sell the rematch on the 15th. Roddy won the match, despite Mayne barking a lot. Every time Piper got up and hit him again, the barking got weaker and weaker. The match was stopped and Mayne attacked him post match, busting him open. The cuts on Piper’s face look really awesome. Next up is a title match, as ordered by the NWA. Well at least according to Piper, as the interviewer says it was Mayne’s idea.
The rest of the tape is cut off.
Overall Rating: D+. I didn’t like this one as much as the previous one but that might be due to the lack of Harley Race being all gruff and awesome. Piper picked things way up in his promo where he went insane as only he could, but the rest of the show didn’t do much for me. Then again it would have helped to be able to see the whole thing instead of just under half an hour.
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San Francisco TV
Date: June 24, 1978
Location: KXTV Studios, Sacramento, California
Commentator: Hank Renner
This is an interesting case as it’s pure territory days with Roy Shire’s San Francisco area. The big star here would be a young Roddy Piper, who was tearing up southern California before heading up to Portland and then on to the Carolinas and New York. I’m really not sure what to expect here so let’s get to it.
Roddy Piper vs. Tony Milan
Piper comes out with the bagpipes, wearing the kilt, a matching hat and a yellow Superman shirt. The fans want to hear some bagpipes and Roddy actually obliges, but the referee would like to have a match. Instead Piper heads outside to play some more until we’re FINALLY ready to go. The jobber is maybe 5’5 and Piper pounds him down and nails a knee to the face.
Those trademark punches in the corner and some more forearms to the back of the head continue the squash as Piper is showing some awesome fire out there. A clothesline gets two but Piper pulls him up twice in a row. Piper does the same thing off a swinging neckbreaker before a second is enough to finally end Milan. Total squash and Piper looked like a star.
House show ads tell us of a show on Tuesday, June 27, meaning this is taking place in 1978. The announcer saying that today is June 24 makes it a bit easier. At the house show taking place that night: Harley Race defending the NWA World Title against Dean Ho.
Piper is also on the card so he talks about being ready for Moondog Mayne for the US Title. Naturally this includes a lot of shouting MOONDOG over and over. Mayne isn’t sure if he wants it to be a title match so Piper has agreed to pay $10,000 to change his opinion. The announcer tells Piper that Mayne ate the check. Mayne might put up the title but it depends on how he’s feeling when he gets to the arena. Piper thinks Mayne is crazy and threatens to beat him to a pulp. Roddy would actually win the title but drop it back about a month later. Mayne would be killed in a car accident less than two months later.
Dean Ho shows us a Harley Race match.
Harley Race vs. Mike Stallings
Race’s World Title isn’t on the line and Gordon Solie is on commentary. I’m not sure when and where this took place. Race elbows him down but misses the falling headbutt. That means nothing though as Race snapmares Mike and drops a knee to the head, only to get taken over into a hammerlock. Race headbutts him out to the floor and grabs a piledriver back inside. Instead of covering though he tries a small package for two. That’s a new one but it’s a different time. Race drives some shoulders into the ribs in the corner before a suplex (yes just a suplex) gets the pin.
Rating: D+. The match was just a long squash, but it’s an interesting case study compared to today. Like I said, Race won with a vertical suplex. Yeah it’s a transitional move today, but at this point it was still a big enough move to win matches. It became a big move because Race won matches with it. That’s all you need to do to establish a finisher: win matches with it.
Race talks about going around the world to defend the title and how he’ll wrestle any man on the face of God’s green earth for this belt. People said he won the World Title in a freak accident, but then he won it again and people were saying maybe. He’s going to carry these ten pounds of gold until he’s ready to retire. There will be a big tournament for the title, but no one can be at his level and everyone knows it. He actually praises Solie for being a great commentator but everyone knows the champ is here to stay. Race is right too, as he would hold the belt for the next three years, save for about three months of short reigns.
In another interview, Race says Dean Ho isn’t the man that is going to take his belt away. Ho eliminated him in a big battle royal last year so Race is coming to the Cow Palace for revenge. He doesn’t actually say Ho’s name as he talks about how important it is to be the champion. Race isn’t coming to the Cow Palace to wrestle, because he wants to hurt Ho.
Dean Ho says he’s coming to fight and win the World Title. Notice that he keeps saying the arena and the date over and over so no one is going to forget.
There’s a tag match main event but the video is cut off before we can hear the participants.
Overall Rating: C+. Now this was some old school goodness. Notice how the main idea here was to hype up the house shows instead of some major TV match. It’s such a different idea compared to what we get today but it still works. On top of that you have Piper and a great example of why Harley Race was one of the most intimidating and awesome guys around. This was a lot of fun and when it only runs about 25 minutes, it’s hard to go wrong. Check these things out if you haven’t seen a run of the mill territory before.
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Saturday Night’s Main Event #2
Date: October 5, 1985
Location: Meadowlands Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura
One of the best things about the first episode of this series was how few names were used. There was the opening six man tag, the four wrestlers (and Mr. T.) in the Piper’s Pit and title match, the girls and Junkyard Dog. That leaves a huge cast of characters to look at in upcoming episodes and that’s exactly what we’re going to do here. This episode has several of the people on the first show but also a bunch of other names that we haven’t seen yet. Let’s get to it.
Nikolai Volkoff and Freddie Blassie promise to take the WWF World Title back to Russia and then push the missile button to destroy us all. Volkoff and Sheik have lost the Tag Team Titles to the US Express, who have since lost them to the Dream Team, who we’ll be seeing later.
Hulk Hogan tells America not to worry.
Hillbilly Jim, Cousin Luke and Uncle Elmer (the resident hillbillies) are ready for Elmer’s wedding and the reception later tonight. Piper comes in and mocks the whole thing.
Opening sequence, again with different people than last time but still ending with Hogan.
Vince and Jesse run down the card. Ventura thinks the wedding is going to be boring.
WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff
We get the Russian national anthem and Real American Hulk Hogan actually doesn’t interrupt. Instead we get an on the floor promo from Hogan, who hates seeing the Russian flag flying in an American ring. He’ll be carrying the Stars and Stripes to the ring and promises that it’s the only flag you’ll see after the match is over. Hogan actually comes to the ring to Stars and Stripes Forever instead of Real American in a nice touch.
The evil Russian jumps the champ before the bell and chokes him with a shirt. Hogan blocks a ram into the buckle though and hammers away in the corner before nailing a hard running clothesline. Some headbutts and right hands put Volkoff down again and a boot to the chest puts him onto the timekeeper’s table. Volkoff lands on the bell, causing it to ring in a funny bit.
Nikolai sends Hulk into the post to take over though and stomps away on the back inside. The gorilla press (not the full version) backbreaker plants Hogan but Volkoff doesn’t go for the cover. Hulk powers out of an over the shoulder backbreaker but Nikolai pounds him back down again. A slam gets two and it’s Hulk Up time. Hulk avoids a charge in the corner and the big leg is enough to retain the title.
Rating: D+. Again, the idea here was to get Hogan on free TV but this was short and dull for the most part. Volkoff was pretty much just a strong oaf who could talk about how great Russia was and then get beaten up by a real American. It was a simpler time, but it would have been nice to have someone that could have had a better match than Volkoff.
Hogan spits on the Russian flag and throws it on the ground.
Post break Hogan says he’d love to beat up Volkoff again and calls him baby doll. Hogan is ready for the wedding as well.
The bride is getting ready.
The Hillbillies aren’t worried about anything they have to do tonight.
Jerry Valiant vs. Uncle Elmer
The bell rings, Elmer slams him and gets the pin. It barely broke ten seconds and is announced as a new record of six seconds.
We see the King Kong Bundy vs. SD Jones match from Wrestlemania I that held the old record of nine seconds, even though it was more like twenty one. I still don’t know how they got nine out of that.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is here and it’s really not treated as that big of a deal.
It’s time for Jesse Ventura’s Body Shop interview segment. His guest is Bobby Heenan, who has issued a $50,000 bounty on the head of former client Paul Orndorff. Heenan suggests that Orndorff just retire instead of try to fight back.
Orndorff doesn’t think the bounty is anything to worry about and laughs at the idea that Piper is already spending the money.
Piper says he’ll rip Heenan’s throat out if he doesn’t pay off. Tonight he can make some money and get rid of someone he can’t stand. He also doesn’t think Elmer should get married because it means he could reproduce and who would want that?
Roddy Piper vs. Paul Orndorff
Piper comes out to a full pipe and drums band. It’s a brawl to start with Piper going right at it like the fighting villain that he is. A boot to the face puts Orndorff down and Piper rams his head into the mat over and over. Orndorff comes back and hammers away before they start ripping at each others’ faces. Piper keeps stomping away as the fans all stand up to look at something in the audience.
The guys head outside with Orndorff throwing a chair back inside but coming in with a shot to the head. A belly to back suplex drops Roddy but he comes back with a poke to the eye and a kneelift. They hit heads and Orndorff gets up first, nailing a cross body to take both guys outside. Neither guy cares about the count and they brawl up the aisle for the double countout.
Rating: C+. Really fun brawl here with both guys beating the tar out of each other until they went to the appropriate ending. In theory this sets up a big series of matches on house shows where they could have a real winner. These two had great chemistry together and this was very fun stuff.
It’s time for the wedding with Okerlund playing the organ and Uncle Elmer in his overalls and a tie. The wrestlers are the wedding party with Andre in his tights and Hogan in a sleeveless shirt and bow tie. The minister calls the groom Uncle Elmer and everything goes fine until Elmer can’t understand the minister and messes up the vows.
Roddy Piper interrupts and says there’s no room for romance in wrestling. That goes nowhere as the wedding goes on without any major hitch. This went on for a good while and never really did anything of note. In theory it was supposed to be funny but it never reached that point. From what I’ve read, this was an actual wedding rather than just a storyline.
Some pigs and chickens are running around the reception area.
Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy, Heenan’s pair of giants, say they’re going to prove that they’re the real giants of wrestling instead of Andre. They recently cut Andre’s hair to give him his best remembered look.
Tony Atlas/Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd/King King Bundy
Atlas is a power wrestler. This was set up when Andre was beaten down by the giants, so Atlas is here to help him out. Andre chokes Bundy to start and takes him into the corner for some big hip shots. Off to Atlas who is easily knocked over with a shoulder but avoids a splash. Studd comes in and drills Tony with a shoulder of his own but gets rocked by some headbutts.
Tony misses a dropkick though and John stomps away. Bundy gets in a cheap shot when Andre goes after Studd, but Tony crawls over for the tag a few seconds later. We get an awkward sequence as Andre doesn’t seem sure of what to do before he just lays on Studd against the ropes. A big boot sends John outside but Bundy comes in with a cheap shot. Studd rams Atlas into the post and the giants double team Andre for a double DQ.
Rating: D+. Not much to this one but it was designed to set up something later on. At the end of the day, Atlas just wasn’t much of a partner for Andre as he needed someone a bit bigger to hang in there with monsters like Bundy and Studd. The match wasn’t anything to see but it advanced a major story.
Hogan comes in to save his old friend Andre, setting up another showdown later on.
Gene Okerlund, in safari gear, is on a hunt. Granted the tiger print jeep doesn’t do much for his camouflage. Apparently he’s hunting for George Steele and has been told to look in the Detroit Zoological Park. Steele is right there and hasn’t been seen since undergoing shock treatment, which gave him the ability to speak for a few moments before another shock turned him back to his normal self. He and Gene look at some animals, including a tiger (Steele: “Detroit!”), a weasel (“Heenan!”) and a hippopotamus (“Bundy!”). George runs off into some bushes. I miss these segments outside the arena as they make things a bit more interesting.
The new Tag Team Champions the Dream Team (Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake) are willing to fight anyone. We see a clip of Brutus blinding Barry Windham to win the titles. Barry and Rotundo will be sitting ringside for the match.
Tag Team Titles: Dream Team vs. Tony Garea/Lanny Poffo
Garea is an old timer and five time Tag Team Champion. Poffo is more famous as the Genius and Randy Savage’s brother. Valentine easily slams Lanny down and works on a headlock before tagging in Brutus. Poffy quickly fights back and drops both guys before getting two off a moonsault to Beefcake. The champs work over Poffo in the corner but he finally dives over and tags in Garea. Tony speeds things up for a bit and takes over until Beefcake gets in a cheap shot from the apron, allowing Valentine to put on the Figure Four to retain the titles. Windham and Rotundo didn’t do a thing.
Rating: D+. Total squash again here with the champs never being in anything resembling danger. Then again they were in there against a couple of jobbers so the ending never was in much doubt. The division was about to take off in another year or so with the Dream Team being one of the last teams of the old era.
We go to the wedding reception where Jesse is writing a poem for the bride and groom. Hogan thinks this could launch Elmer to the top of the WWF. Lou Albano is eating with Cousin Luke and tries to teach him some manners. Poffo, still sweaty and in his gear, reads a poem of his own for the couple, ending it with a plug for NBC. Hillbilly Jim says he’s open for dinner invites every Sunday.
There’s a special guest: Tiny Tim! Who is that you ask? Well he’s a guy who had a novelty song called Tiptoe Through The Tulips which he sang while playing his ukelele. Tim was involved in a nationally televised wedding before this and has been mentioned throughout the night. He gives Elmer a ukelele and that’s it for Tim tonight.
Jesse reads his poem and calls the whole thing wrong. Wrestling and romance don’t belong together so all the good guys throw him into a cake to end the show.
After a break, Vince announces Hogan/Andre vs. Bundy/Studd on the next show, a month from tonight. Hogan is excited about the match and we go to our last break before dancing ends the show.
Overall Rating: D. This one really didn’t do it for me as most of it was based around the wedding and it really wasn’t all that entertaining. Why should I care about a comedy character getting married on national TV? It comes off like nothing but a ratings ploy, which really shouldn’t be necessary on the second show of a series.
The wrestling wasn’t much better here as most of the matches were either really quick or just there to set up something later on down the line. Thankfully it’s a short line with only a month before the next episode. The Hogan and Andre team is going to wind up being something important, but we’re a good way off from that. Bad episode here though.
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Monday Nitro #219
Date: December 20, 1999
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 8,915
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone
We’re just past Starrcade and……I have no idea what we’re supposed to do now actually. Bret is still World Champion, Sting is out of action again and the rest of the show was pretty much a big waste of time with short matches that went nowhere or that only Russo and company care about. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Piper calling for the bell on Goldberg to end the title match against Bret. Yes, that’s their big idea: Montreal part 58.
So you might be asking how the big fallout show starts. After last night, we’re ready to start on the new road forward for WCW. I promise, I’m not making this up. This is really how this show began.
Here are Madusa and Spice for a chat. Madusa brags about being the first female Cruiserweight Champion and how the women of WCW are taking over with their T&A. Right now she wants any man in the back to come out here so she can neuter him. As luck would have it, Buzzkill is in the crowd campaigning for equal rights, so Madusa calls him to the ring for a title match right now.
Cruiserweight Title: Madusa vs. Buzzkill
Madusa takes the sign and blasts Buzzkill in the head, followed by the missile dropkick for two. The German suplex is blocked though and Buzzkill dropkicks her down. The Russian legsweep should have the title won (because it’s a Russian legsweep) but Spice has the referee. In the distract, Spice throws in a foreign object and Madusa knocks Buzzkill silly, setting up the German suplex to retain.
I need a minute here. After last night’s disaster of a Starrcade, Vince Russo, the man who actually takes credit for the Attitude Era, decided that the big idea was to open Nitro with a match between a comedy character and Madusa, who is flat out saying she has one of the most popular titles (well at least it used to be) in the company because of how she looks. That’s their big way to open the post-Starrcade Nitro. Imagine if the night after Rollins cashed in Money in the Bank or after Bryan overcame the Authority, we opened with a Nikki Bella promo and match. That’s basically what they did here and it’s making my head hurt.
The announcers talk about Goldberg getting screwed last night. I’ll set the over/under for use of that word in this story at about 6,000.
Russo tells Curt Hennig to get rid of Hugh Morrus tonight. Why Russo has issues with Morrus isn’t clear, but I’d bet it’s a nuance of a plot point that I missed in Russo’s 19 segments a night. Creative Control is sent to find Piper.
Speaking of Piper, he arrives with his assistant and son because of reasons I don’t want to be told. The kid tapes Piper’s wrists and Creative Control comes to collect him.
Hugh Morrus vs. Curt Hennig
Before we get started, it’s time for an another angle that no one will care about but we need to force it in there anyway. This time it’s Shane being beaten down by a guy in a Scream mask with what looks like a pipe. As for the match, here’s Tony’s take on it: “I’ve never been so confused coming out of a WCW pay per view.” I can’t believe I’m saying this, but preach it Tony. Morrus slugs Hennig into the corner to start as the announcers don’t explain Hugh’s issues with the Powers That Be, likely because they don’t exist.
After a big running splash in the corner, Morrus gets distracted by some old guy in a hospital gown who wanders from the crowd to the ramp. For the love of……JUST HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH! Morrus goes outside and helps the man he calls Pop to the ramp so he stays out of harms’ way. Hennig gets in a few shots as Pop comes back down to ringside. In the distraction, Hennig hits the PerfectPlex for the pin.
Rating: D-. I would ask why this is happening and what this is supposed to mean, but I really, really don’t care. Hugh Morrus is getting a story now? Apparently about his father who just wanders around ringside after leaving a hospital? As usual, Russo doesn’t get that you have to make us care about a person before you just throw them into a story that makes no sense on the surface. I don’t care about Hugh Morrus because he’s never done anything worth caring about. Therefore, I don’t care about his Pop or whatever they’re doing with him. Again, just let them wrestle and THEN come up with a story.
Pop checks on his son, who is still down after a devastating suplex.
Piper is in Russo’s office where Russo talks about Piper making some sort of deal with the devil, meaning Piper can’t touch Russo. It’s not over though because Piper has to go out there and tell everyone that he sold out and that Russo had nothing to do with it. So who did he sell out to if Russo wasn’t involved? That question is immediately wiped from my memory as Russo says that Piper will take his heat. Piper talks about going out there to “shoot on the marks” and how he and Hogan built this sport. The audio screws up so I can’t hear the rest of it but do I really need to?
So to recap: Russo is the mastermind behind screwing Goldberg out of the title and gave Piper something in return for ending the title match last night and now Piper has to go and take the rap for it. This is going to be a SHOOT, because all those times where Piper was evil and made his big name were just him acting and we should believe how much he cares for wrestling? Can we go back to Hugh and Pop?
And now, a word from Tony Schiavone about how Vince McMahon screwed Bret Hart out of the WCW Title. Russo worked for McMahon at that time, so rumors are speculating that Russo scripted the ending to that match. I don’t even know how to respond to that so we’ll move on to Tony talking about how Kevin Nash is defending Goldberg in the locker room. You know, the SHOOT locker room.
This brings out Kevin Nash, who talks about living by a code in wrestling. There are certain rules you have to live by no matter what happens. Yes people, KEVIN NASH is talking about ethics in wrestling. Just go with it and maybe it’ll be over soon. There are two groups of people behind the curtain: the boys and the office. The boys are all a fraternity and the office doesn’t care about any of them. Nash doesn’t care about Goldberg, but what happened last night was…..a word they don’t actually censor. TV-14 it is I suppose. Hart screwed one of the boys and now he has to pay.
Creative Control says Nash is the biggest politician in the locker room. So yeah, it’s clearly a big worked shoot (in case it wasn’t obvious before) and the audience, after sitting through Madusa vs. Buzzkill and Hennig vs. Morrus/Pop gets to hear a lot of stuff that is probably going over their collective heads while Russo jerks off to this nonsense because it makes him feel so much smarter than everyone else. I understand what they’re talking about and it’s just so dumb.
Tank Abbott vs. Jerry Flynn
No holds barred of course. They trade slaps/punches before shoving the referee, drawing out security to break it up. Flynn is put in handcuffs and Tank knocks him out cold. This didn’t last a minute and the fans are rightfully booing it out of the building.
Goldberg arrives.
Here’s the Revolution for what is actually the most interesting part of the show so far. Douglas talks about how the Revolution was proven right at Starrcade, but we pause for a word from Saturn about Tootsie Pops. He calls out Jim Duggan to denounce America, but Jim doesn’t want to do it. Instead, Duggan says he lied and gets beaten down. The Revolution goes to burn the American flag but the Filthy Animals (minus Eddie) return for the save. Great. It’s this feud again. Shane’s look of shock when the Animals came out (walking at about half a mile an hour) is great.
Here’s Piper for his big explanation as Goldberg and Hart watch from backstage. Piper lists off some of the evil things he’s done in the past before going into a mini rant against Russo’s writing. Couldn’t they just call it like, match making? Anyway, Piper knows people just want to see the wrestlers fight. After listing off his accomplishments from the 80s, Piper says he’s a real fighting and quits. His son comes out to walk to the back with him, but Goldberg comes out to block their way.
Goldberg has stayed up all night trying to make sense of this (now THAT is probably a shoot comment). He’s looked up to a few guys all his life and until last night Piper was on that list. Piper made the wrong decision last night but Goldberg doesn’t think Piper would ever sell out. Roddy apologizes and things seem to be a bit better until Bret comes out to pick it up all over again. As far as he’s concerned, there’s no point in blaming Piper and the title is vacant. Bret goes to the back to tell the Powers That Be what they can do with their title. Keep shooting people. You’ll hit something eventually, though it’s likely your own foot.
Post break, Hart yells at Russo, but the boss says that was an attempt at making up for Montreal. Yes seriously, THAT’S THEIR BIG STORY. Bret throws the belt at Russo so he makes Hart vs. Goldberg for tonight. Nice to see them continue their tradition of airing the same match the night after Starrcade. I mean, it’s gone so well before.
Meng/Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay/Brian Knobbs
Hardcore of course. So why would Meng want to team with Smiley here? My question is quickly answered as Meng goes after Smiley before their opponents come out. Knobbs and Finlay come out to watch as the announcers try to explain the psychology. Apparently Knobbs and Finlay want Norman to keep the Hardcore Title so they can take it from him with less of a fight.
Therefore, we’re supposed to ignore the two of them knocking Smiley out cold with a pipe so Norman could pin him with one hand last night, proving that they could beat Meng with ease. As for the match, Norman gets chased through the crowd, objects are thrown, a bathroom is invaded, Norman’s head is put in a toilet and Knobbs gets the pin.
Rating: F. We’re over an hour into this show and this is the second best match of the night so far. I’m not sure if it’s good or horribly stupid that they’re trying to add psychology to this division. Yeah there’s an idea to it, but the idea is stupid. The joke isn’t funny though and Meng was just kind of there most of the “match” as everyone else was “fighting.”
Piper tells his kid to wait in the limo and gets a ball bat.
Video of the Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea’s recording session where he doesn’t actually sing. Somehow this sounds like one of the more logical things on the show.
Hart is walking and runs into Piper. Bret tries to talk but Piper is back to babbling to himself.
Maestro vs. Evan Karagias
It’s a flashback to the NWO days as the announcers ignore what’s going on in the ring to talk about the backstage stuff. Maestro runs him over to start but Evan hits a springboard spinning cross body. Evan rains down right hands in the corner until he gets dropped throat first across the top rope. We get a bit of a tease as Maestro loads up a chinlock but slaps Evan in the face with both hands instead.
The announcers talk about Montreal with Tony saying it’s unbelievable that Russo wants to make up with Hart. Evan fights up and counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb. Symphony gets shoved onto the apron but Evan has a quick change of heart to check on her. The distraction lets Maestro hit a knee to the back for the pin. Symphony is of course fine. Tony: “She sold that knee.”
Rating: D. Total mentions of Evan losing the title last night: zero. Then again it’s fairly clear that there’s no future to the title so losing the belt might have been the best thing possible for Evan. Maestro and Symphony are a nothing pairing but at least they’re not victims of a stalker anymore.
Piper literally destroys the Powers That Be’s office. Piper: “How about Adrian Adonis and Gorilla Monsoon?” And yes, he breaks the fourth wall.
Chavo Guerrero tries to sell Evan a book on how to pick up chicks. Thankfully, this ends in a beating.
Chris Kanyon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Kanyon says this isn’t Hollywood and talks about destroying the Triad. Bigelow and Page come out and double team him with Page hitting a Rock Bottom and Bigelow adding a headbutt. A clothesline and another headbutt have Kanyon reeling but Page and Bigelow argue about which finisher should end Kanyon. Page offers a handshake but pulls Bigelow into a Diamond Cutter. It’s angle time though as Page drops to the floor, kisses a fan, and leaves. J. Biggs throws Kanyon a briefcase but the referee cuts him off, allowing Kanyon to hit Bigelow with a champagne bottle for the pin.
Rating: D+. Well that happened. They spent the entire summer building up the Triad and then the blowoff (I guess?) match takes four minutes with no announcement on a Nitro? Sounds appropriate to me. At least Kanyon has a new character and he’s getting as close as he can to thriving in it.
Bigelow is busted way open and Kanyon is bleeding from the hand. Were they stupid enough to use a real bottle???
Creative Control vs. Kevin Nash
There’s no referee so I don’t think this is a match. Actually that makes sense given how things worked earlier. Hall accompanies Nash on crutches. Since this isn’t a match (no bell), the twins tag. Nash slugs away at Patrick in the corner and kicks Gerald in the face as the tagging part is already done.
The numbers catch up with Nash and Gerald takes him down for a cover but there’s no referee. Heenan praises Nash for having the guts to say what he said earlier in the night. They start going after Kevin’s knee and the tagging starts up again. Hall gets bored and comes inside for some crutch shots to the twins. Creative Control walks out to end whatever this was.
Luger and Liz are amused at Sting having a broken jaw. Why they’re in the rafters and why Luger is dressed as Sting isn’t clear but I don’t think I want to know.
US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett
Another ladder match with Benoit defending because there’s no reason not to do it again twenty four hours later. At least it was good last night so maybe it works again here. They slug it out to start and Benoit takes over with a pair of dropkicks. Benoit ties him in the Tree of Woe for a running dropkick but Jeff crotches him against the post to take over. Back up and Benoit is the first to the ladder but he has to side step the baseball slide.
Benoit throws him into the chair in the corner before nailing the back and knee with the same chair. Jeff stays on the floor and holds his leg as Benoit breaks the ladder by stepping on the rungs. Tony: “Someone has gimmicked this ladder!” Tenay: “You know who it is!” Heenan: “Kidman?” The other side’s rungs break as well and it’s a guitar shot to Benoit as Jeff’s leg is fine. He grabs a fresh ladder and wins the title because SCREW YOU BENOIT FANS! YOU’RE GETTING JARRETT WHETHER YOU CARE OR NOT!
Rating: D+. They said the word gimmick for the ladder about ten times in two minutes near the end as the levels of obnoxiousness get higher and higher every single week. Benoit winning the title last night and being in the main event of a pay per view last month already seem to be nothing but memories.
After a bunch of replays, Curt Hennig tells Jarrett that the Powers That Be need to see him.
Sid Vicious vs. The Wall
Sid kicks him in the face to start and takes it outside for some right hands to Wall’s face. Back in and Wall hits him right back, only to eat a chokeslam. Cue Berlyn for a distraction, allowing Wall to load up a chokeslam of his own. Not that it matters as Berlyn missile dropkicks Wall for the DQ.
Sid powerbombs Berlyn and shakes Wall’s hand to complete the face turn.
Russo tells Jarrett that it’s going to happen tonight.
Disco offers to pay the mafia but Tony Marinara’s dad tells him he can join the Family or spend the rest of his life in a coma.
Harlem Heat vs. Varsity Club
Rotundo/Steiner here with Sullivan on commentary, where he spends the whole match referring to Rick as Robbie (Rick’s real name) because SHOOTING IS COOL AND HIP AND MAKES US SMARTER THAN YOU SO HA! Stevie quickly runs Rotundo over to start before it’s off to the partners. Booker kicks him in the face a few times but it’s too much to ask Steiner to sell so it’s a big clothesline to put Booker on the floor. Things get a bit confusing as the Varsity Club decides they’re the Freebirds (they’re from the right time period) and start changing places with Rotundo going to commentary.
That lasts all of eight seconds before Mike runs back in and misses a charge, allowing Booker to plant him with a Rock Bottom. Stevie comes in off the hot tag and cleans house but there go the lights because it’s Midnight. Ever the genius, Stevie yells at her, allowing Mike to roll him up for the pin.
Rating: D. More mindless brawling here with Booker doing everything he could to make it a match. I still have no idea why the Varsity Club is back as Rick was the only one doing anything, even though he’s one of the least likeable people on the roster. I’ll give them this though: at least this felt like a match, even with the screwy ending.
PG-13 runs in and attacks the Varsity Club. They can’t be serious.
The yet to be named Daffney is getting a Surge when the Misfits come up to hit on her. For reasons of crazy, she knees Jerry Only low and runs off.
Here’s David Flair for a chat but he beats up David Penzer first. Flair calls out Vampiro, who says he has no problem with David. Vampiro yells at Daffney but eats a crowbar shot. Jerry Only comes out and takes a beating as well, leaving David and Daffney to kiss.
Buff Bagwell comes out with something to say. He’s had a good career in WCW but now he wants some gold around his waist. Gene goes way out in right field and asks about rumors regarding Bagwell and Kimberly Page. Buff pushes the mic away and whispers to Gene, but Okerlund says that sounds like an admission of guilt. Bagwell admits that Kimberly is a knockout and if Page wasn’t a factor, he would, and I quote, “put his stuff all over Kim.” He mentions his bed and Page comes out to jump Bagwell.
Piper says goodbye to the locker room and calls Sid a kid. He rambles on about how hard wrestling has been on him and wants the boys to fight back against the Powers That Be.
WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Goldberg
The title is officially vacant coming in and Jeff Jarrett is watching on a monitor in the back. Goldberg hammers him in the face to start and chokes with a boot in the corner. They head outside with Goldberg hammering away even more as Bret has been on defense almost all match. Back in and a powerslam drops Hart but he grabs the ropes to break up a leg lock.
Bret starts going after the leg with kicks to the knee before wrapping it around the ropes. The referee goes down because of course he does and Bret slaps on the Figure Four. Cue the Outsiders with ball bats to beat up Goldberg. Bret lets go of the hold and beats on Goldberg as well so Piper comes back to try and protect Goldberg as the referee calls for the bell. There was a cover in there somewhere and Bret has won the title.
Jeff Jarrett comes out with spraypaint and……THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER! Bret tries to say something but his mic doesn’t work. Everyone celebrates with their new titles to end the show.
Overall Rating: W. That’s W for waste. I’ve watched a lot of wrestling shows in my day (upwards of 4,000 last I checked). In the course of my time as a fan, I don’t remember a show that felt like a waste of my time. That has changed after this show. I can live with a show where nothing happens. I can live with a show full of bad matches. I can live with a show where the company loses its way for a night.
That’s not what happened on this show. This show was about eliminating every single concept and idea of logic and common sense from what used to be World Championship Wrestling. I’m not going to go into the long, long list of things this show did that made no sense, as A, I don’t have that much memory on this computer and B, I don’t think my blood pressure can take it.
Let’s sum up the major flaw in logic on this show. The idea is that Russo and company are in charge of booking the show and have turned it into a shoot. Ignoring how absolutely stupid that is to point out (from a kayfabe perspective, wrestling is always supposed to be a shoot), let’s go with Russo’s theory (I’ll ask for forgiveness later). Let’s say that Russo has complete authority and is writing himself into this position.
If that’s the case, why have any of his guys ever lost a match and why did we need some big conspiracy? Why didn’t Russo just book his boys on top the second he debuted? Why are we having some big conspiracy with Jarrett having to win the title back? Why am I supposed to believe anything that happens if Russo is just in charge of the whole thing? Did he book Nash to fight back against his authority or is Nash going into business for himself?
I get that it’s what Russo is going for, but it leaves so many ridiculous holes in the story and makes the whole thing so completely illogical that you can’t buy into anything going on in this company. Ninety percent of the show is scripted but THIS RIGHT HERE is real? Why should I believe that? At the end of the day, this is wrestling. I shouldn’t need a scorecard and a flow chart to keep track of what’s going on, nor should I have to hear all these insider terms. This is the definition of too much going on and making things way too complicated.
This stopped being wrestling and became Russo having fun and deciding to make this show his big personal playground. He’s removed logic and common sense from this show in order to turn it into some insider fest. I know I say this a lot, but I literally do not think it can get worse than this. They’ve taken away any the basic core principles of wrestling and made this a B movie. There is however one bright spot to this whole mess: Jim Cornette suddenly makes so much more sense to me.
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Starrcade 1999
Date: December 19, 1999
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Attendance: 8,582
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Bobby Heenan
We have arrived. We have reached the biggest show of the year for WCW. It’s the final pay per view of the year and the final Starrcade of the 1990s. Over the years this show has been a showcase for legends like Sting, Ric Flair, Lex Luger and Hulk Hogan. There have been great matches, moments and shows in general, many of which have been some of WCW’s best shows of all time. Now, forget everything I just said, because this is going to be one of the biggest disasters in the history of……I would say professional wrestling but that has nothing to do with what I’m about to sit through. Let’s get to it.
We open with a Scott Hudson narrated highlight package to preview the card. Up first in the package: the Revolution vs. Jim Duggan/his mystery partners. I’m pretty sure every match gets some time here, but my goodness they aren’t off to a rousing start by making me think about all of the impending disasters.
Now we get a standard opening video, focusing on the powerbomb match and then the World Title match.
Disco Inferno/Lash Leroux vs. Big Vito/Johnny the Bull
Disco lost a lot of money gambling (which I don’t think he ever paid back) to the Mafia so Don boss Tony Marinara sent Big Vito and Johnny the Bull after him. Lash helped Disco out and basically started a war against the mob, setting up this tag match. It’s also probably the match that has gotten the most build on the card. Normally I would ask why a match like this is opening the show, but the more I think about it, what else do they have?
It’s a brawl to start with Vito punching Lash down early on. A nice suplex drops Lash again and Vito nails a good looking superkick. Heenan gets in another of his lines that are open to interpretation as he wonders why the people in the back are so quiet. Off to Johnny who eats a dropkick from Lash and a clothesline from Disco for one.
Disco stomps away in the corner but Johnny sweeps the leg (because he’s the best in town) to take over. Vito scores with a hard running clothesline and Johnny’s swinging neckbreaker gets two. We hit the chinlock for a bit before something like a double powerbomb plants Disco again. Vito spends too much time mocking the crowd on the ropes though and hits the mat, allowing the hot tag to Lash.
Everything breaks down and the goons are dropped with clotheslines. A gorilla press drop puts Lash down but he avoids a top rope spinning legdrop. Disco hits a top rope splash for two but Vito comes off the top to break up the save (granted the really slow count made it a bit easier). Vito reverses a whip from Lash and sends him into the Last Dance from Disco by mistake, setting up Vito’s spinning DDT for the pin.
Rating: C. Totally acceptable tag match here, but I have a feeling we’ve just seen the match of the night. It’s the old power vs. speed formula which has worked for the better part of ever and worked here as well. The story made sense and was actually different for a change, but this could have been on almost any given Nitro. Still though, totally acceptable.
Post match Disco gets beaten up and thrown in the body bag, along with a bottle of ether. The mob takes him back to the parking lot and throw him in their car to take them away.
Goldberg vs. Hart is No DQ. If that was the stipulation beforehand, I haven’t heard of it.
Scott Hall is out of the US Title match due to a knee injury so Benoit is the champion.
The announcers run their mouths to fill time on a show with 13 matches. Keep in mind that this is coming after a backstage segment. Not only is it boring for the PPV audience, but it’s letting the crowd come down after a decent opener.
Cue Chris Benoit to say he doesn’t want the title this way, so it’s officially vacant. However, he’ll still have the ladder match against anyone that wants to face him for the title.
Cruiserweight Title: Madusa vs. Evan Karagias
Evan is defending and Madusa offered sex to get this show. After she earned the shot, Evan dumped Madusa for Nitro Girl Spice, making this just another title match but with man on woman violence because Russo is obsessed with this idea. Madusa dives off the top to take out Evan and Spice before sending him into the barricade. They head inside where Evan slaps her in the face and plants her with a powerslam, only to miss a Lionsault.
Madusa dropkicks him down but gets slammed off the top. A powerbomb puts Madusa down for two so Madusa powerbombs him right back. They head outside with Evan diving onto Madusa, but Spice gets on the apron to distract the champ. It’s just a ruse for the worst low blow ever, setting up Madusa’s German suplex for the pin and the title.
Rating: D-. So not only did they have a swerve, they had only the bare bones of a match as this was nothing more than a spot fest with no flow to it. Yeah Mysterio and Guerrera would do a bunch of spots, but at least they knew how to make them exciting. This was less than four minutes long and more about the fact that Madusa is a woman. In other words, they were trying to recreate Chyna without putting in the effort of building her up in DX all those years. That’s Russo’s philosophy: just go to the end goal without putting in any of the work and then blame the fans for not caring.
On the storyline front, let’s recap what just happened to Evan: he was duped into giving Madusa the shot by the offer of sex, then Madusa won the title shot again in a triple threat, then Evan got pinned on Thunder for no apparent reason, then the other woman, who was involved in this story to distract Evan, turned on him to give Madusa the title for no reason other than to mess with Evan, who made the mistake of being a champion and going after a pretty girl who seemed interested in him. Oh and Madusa hit cheated to win the title. I’m not sure if she was the face or the heel here, but I’m sure WCW didn’t know either.
Norman Smiley is dressed up like a Washington Redskin for his match with Meng. He certainly isn’t scared and ignore the scream when the producer tries to count him out of the interview. Sudden moves like that just are not necessary when Norman is a coiled spring ready to explode! Ignore the fact that the Hardcore Title is practically identical to the ECW Title.
Hardcore Title: Meng vs. Norman Smiley
Norman the coward is defending. They throw weapons at each other to start before Meng shoves the cart full of weapons runs Norman over. It’s in the back without Norman ever making it to the ring and Norman blasts him in the head with the chair for almost no effect. Norman runs away through catering before Meng slams him through a table.
Meng throws a cinder block at his head but Norman avoids the whole death thing. Smiley dives behind some boxes to hide, allowing Finlay and Brian Knobbs to come up and beat Meng down. Well kind of as Meng no sells the chair and trashcan shots until Finlay NAILS him with a lead pipe to knock Meng silly. Norman comes out and covers to retain.
Rating: D. Norman is a guy that tries so hard but can’t get out of this hardcore nonsense. This was your standard hardcore match with Meng dominating and Norman screaming a lot but somehow escaping for the title. In other words, it’s your standard TV match being held at Starrcade because Russo doesn’t know the difference between the shows.
Meng beats up Nick Patrick for reasons.
David Flair has a gold crowbar delivered to him and seems very happy.
Oklahoma and Steve Williams are ready. There’s nothing more to this segment.
Oh wait there is, as we cut back to see the Misfits kidnap Oklahoma.
We recap Jim Duggan vs. the Revolution, which is based around the idea of the Revolution thinking they’re a sovereign nation and wanting to deface the American flag. Bringing Duggan in makes sense there, but the Powers That Be says there’s nothing to his love of America and made him a janitor because that’s funny or something.
Jim Duggan/??? vs. Revolution
It’s Asya/Saturn/Malenko/Douglas here and we have no idea who the partners are here. If Duggan wins, the Revolution has to be the janitors for 30 days, but if Duggan loses, he has to denounce America. Duggan’s partners are…..the Varsity Club, a team which hit its peak in 1988/1989. In case you’re like, young or something, it’s Rick Steiner/Kevin Sullivan/Mike Rotundo with Leia Meow (ECW’s Kimona) as their cheerleader.
Shane sits in on commentary to make it a handicap match. Dean and Duggan start things off but Saturn comes in less than ten second in. The Varsity Club gets in some cheap shots in the corner before Duggan hammers away with forearms to the back. Dean comes in again for an elbow to the face and a slam, followed by the three point clothesline for two.
Saturn gets the same off a missile dropkick as Heenan points out that Duggan hasn’t tried to tag out. Just get to the swerve we all know is coming from here. Saturn misses a middle rope splash but Dean hits Jim in the head with a flag. Everyone comes in with the Varsity Club cleaning house, including tying Asya in the Tree of Woe for Sullivan’s running knee. Then they turn on Duggan because what else were they going to do here? Shane runs in for the pin as the Varsity Club keeps beating up Saturn on the floor.
Rating: F. This is STARRCADE 1999 and they bring out the Varsity Club? If they were going for some kind of nostalgia/history thing here, they completely missed the point as the Varsity Club’s biggest moment was when they were fighting each other, assuming anyone remembered/cared about that in 1999. As it is, this is just another four minute match capped off by a beatdown to make it a Jim Duggan story. What is the mass appeal here and who thought the one thing this show needed was MORE people running around?
Shane tells Duggan he has 24 hours before he has to renounce America. They drape the Revolution flag over him, only to take it right back off.
The Misfits have Oklahoma in a shark cage to make sure he stays out of the Vampiro match.
Vampiro vs. Steve Williams
If Vampiro wins, he gets five minutes with Oklahoma. The Misfits wheel out Oklahoma in the shark cage but he has a headset on and can still do his Jim Ross jokes because…..screw the sarcasm. This whole thing is stupid. Vampiro dives off the cage to take Williams out and the brawl begins on the floor. They head inside with Oklahoma yelling at the commentators. Williams fires off a chop so Oklahoma shouts CHOP over and over.
Some three point tackles take out Vampiro’s legs followed by some chops, but Oklahoma gets bored saying chop over and over. A belly to belly superplex sends Vampiro flying but brings in the Misfits. Williams cleans house with ease and suplexes Vampiro down again. He hammers on Vampiro but shoves the referee down (how have we not had a ref bump tonight?) for a DQ, setting up Vampiro vs. Oklahoma.
Rating: D. So their solution to make us care about Vampiro is to have him get beaten up until the referee gets knocked down while Oklahoma gets to do his same joke over and over and over and over and over. I feel like iTunes on repeat (who uses records anymore?) saying this but STOP USING THE SHOW FOR YOUR OWN STUPID JOKES THAT AREN’T EVEN FUNNY IN THE FIRST PLACE!
The five minute clock starts immediately.
Oklahoma vs. Vampiro
Security gets Williams out of here as we’re still waiting on Oklahoma to get out of the cage. Oklahoma gets in after about two minutes and kicks Vampiro in the head. More slow stomps connect before Vampiro hits a single chop, only to have Oklahoma nail two straight low blows. A quick Rock Bottom drops Oklahoma and the Misfits come in for some shots, which the referee doesn’t seem to mind. The Nail in the Coffin ends this mess.
To recap, Vampiro needed the help of a punk rock band (how many of the fans actually know who they are?) to beat Oklahoma, who beat the tar out of Vampiro for most of the “match”. Again, the announcers are getting the push at the sake of someone like Vampiro, who may or may not be entertaining but he’s an actual wrestler.
Russo tells Hennig/Shane/La Parka/Creative Control that he has something big planned for tonight so he can’t quite focus on their match. Thanks for letting us know about this an hour into the show instead of building it up for a few weeks, but they probably didn’t know a few weeks ago.
Stevie Ray tells Booker he won’t have his back tonight.
Harlem Heat/Midnight vs. Curt Hennig/Creative Control
The winning tag team is #1 contenders so Hennig and Midnight are just kind of here to fill in the roster, because Heaven forbid we just have a regular tag match. My goodness there are suddenly a lot of empty seats across from the cameras. I couldn’t have missed those earlier. There’s no Stevie so it’s a handicap match with more man on woman.
Gerald stomps Booker into the corner to start before no selling a spin kick to the face. So much for this one changing the tide of the show. We look at the ladder for later and come back with Midnight in without seeing what happened in between. I’m betting Gerald lost a Canasta game and had to allow the hot tag.
It’s quickly back to Booker who gets beaten down again but quickly gets over to tag in Midnight for some dropkicks. Hennig clotheslines her out to the floor and the heels take over again. Back in and Creative Control takes over on Midnight as Hudson talks about the big events of the night: the return of the Varsity Club and Disco being thrown into a car. We get the old “referee doesn’t see the tag” spot as Stevie Ray comes out, only to be sent to the back by Booker.
Midnight gets slammed down and Patrick drops some elbows for two. He misses the middle rope elbow though and Midnight gets over for the hot tag. It doesn’t count as Nick Patrick was “talking to Stevie Ray.” That’s true, but THEY WERE LOOKING AT THE TAG. As in Nick clearly realized he wasn’t supposed to see it and you can see him try to snap his head away in time so it doesn’t look that bad but it doesn’t work. Hennig sneaks in with a foreign object to knock Booker silly for the pin and a delayed bell.
Rating: D. As usual, this was an angle disguised as a match. On top of the match being boring for the most part and yet another woman being in there for the sake of being in there (Midnight was fine but the announcers spent the whole match talking about how awesome it was to have a woman in there, which just puts more attention on the fact that she’s nothing special), the gaffes like Nick seeing the tag made this a huge mess. Above all else though, I just do not care because I haven’t been given a reason to care. These people are just characters with little development so it’s really hard to get interested.
We recap Jarrett vs. Rhodes. Basically Dustin returned as something resembling a child abductor but he decided he wanted to be Dustin Rhodes because THAT has such a great track record for him. Jeff thought it was funny that Dustin’s dad got fired so the feud began again and of course it turned into a bunkhouse match to make it about cowboys and hardcore.
Dustin, wearing a Dusty Rhodes shirt, talks about the match but Jeff jumps him to start.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Dustin Rhodes
Jarrett runs Dustin’s knee over with a wheelbarrow and hits him in the throat with a kendo stick. They slam each other into the wheelbarrow before heading inside for the first time with Jeff taking a cowbell to the head. Well you knew the bullrope and cowbell were going to be involved somehow. Some bell shots knock Jarrett onto the announcers’ table but hitting him in the head with a metal bell doesn’t sound as good as throwing powder in Jeff’s face.
Dustin pulls out a whip and nails both Jarrett and the referee before duct taping the referee to the ropes. Jeff shrugs off a shot with some chaps (you think I care enough to react to that at this point?) and kicks Dustin low as Curt Hennig comes out to untape the referee. We hit the sleeper as Jarrett tries to make this wrestling for reasons I don’t understand.
Dustin finally suplexes his way out and gets two off a Boss Man Slam. Shattered Dreams connects but Hennig pulls the referee out at two. That earns Curt some Shattered Dreams of his own and all three head up to the entrance. Dustin plants Hennig with a bulldog but Jeff climbs the ladder and blasts him with a guitar for the pin.
Rating: D. Ok. What else do you want me to say here? Two guys who are feuding over someone not even working for this promotion anymore had a long (by this show’s standards) match and the heel had someone else come in to basically make it a handicap match. The good guy fought back and then the two beat him without anything overly interesting happening.
Jeff Jarrett continues to not by over but gets pushed to the moon (dig that huge win over DUSTIN RHODES!) because he beat up a woman in the WWF. These guys weren’t really putting in a ton of effort though and it’s clear that no one has anything special without some kind of character behind them. It’s just two old school style guys having a boring match and that’s not something I want to watch for eleven minutes.
David Flair makes the headless teddy bear stroke the golden crowbar. Somehow, there isn’t a single bit of innuendo in that entire sentence. Why David is wearing a Halloween Havoc shirt isn’t clear.
Page says his hands will have a crowbar in them tonight and then those same hands will give Flair a bang.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. David Flair
IT’S A CROWBAR ON A POLE MATCH!!! This is like Russo’s hit parade if I had to pay $30 to see it. This match is due to David stalking Kimberly after Kimberly slept with Ric Flair instead of David. So yeah, we have sex, insanity, illogical stories and a thing on a pole. Like I said, the hit parade rolls on. The crowbar is pitifully low as anyone of average height could reach it from the mat.
David sneaks up from behind with the gold crowbar (different from the one on the pole) but Little Naitch (who should be in David’s corner in theory) takes it away, because even if you’re insane and carrying a crowbar, you MUST follow the rules! The referee checks on Page and says the match will be a forfeit, but Page shoves Penzer away and wants to go.
We get the opening bell and David hammers away because how else was this going to be competitive? David counters a sunset flip and punches Page in the face for two. A clothesline gets the same as we’re still waiting on any attempt at the crowbar. Flair hits a low blow and puts on a Figure Four but Page turns it over for the break. Flair gets the crowbar, misses a swing and eats the Diamond Cutter for the pin.
Rating: F. Remember when Chris Jericho would lose and then go insane and beat the post with a chair? That’s how I feel here. There was no reason for this to be on pay per view or for this to be a gimmick match other than to make the match more believable. In other words, they can’t have a good match without making it a gimmick and the match can’t be good because it’s a gimmick. Who other than Vince Russo could book a sub four minute match into a paradox while almost completely ignoring the gimmick that causes the paradox in the first place?
Page gives him a middle rope Diamond Cutter post match and it about to hit him with the crowbar but the yet to be named Daffney runs in to cover Flair up. Page leaves instead of hit the crazy chick.
Heenan wants a beer. I don’t drink but can someone get me a hammer to crush my own skull?
We recap Luger vs. Sting, which has seen Luger treat Liz like garbage (more anti-women fetish material for Russo), which sent her running off for Sting to help him. At the same time, Luger “inadvertently” cost Sting some matches and kept trying to make it up to him, only making it worse in the process. Their match tonight is for Liz’s freedom, which she totally and completely wants of course.
Total Package vs. Sting
In the back, Sting gives Liz “super high octane” mace. The STEROIDS chant begins and Luger quickly sends Sting outside. Some whips into the barricade have Sting in more trouble before some elbows get two. Sting no sells a ram into the buckle and Luger gets caught between slaps from Sting and Liz. A double clothesline puts both of them down because of those two and a half DEVASTATING minutes of action.
Liz comes in to check on Luger and sprays the mace at Sting, but it’s silly string because Sting actually outsmarted someone!!!!! Even the announcers acknowledge how shocking this is. Sting makes his comeback and hits a top rope splash for two. A pair of regular Stinger Splashes look to set up the Deathlock but Liz comes in with the ball bat for a very loud sounding shot to the jaw for the DQ.
Rating: D+. I’m upgrading this because of the bat shot and the string. Other than that, this was a big mess with the whole thing not even breaking six minutes despite it being one of the bigger matches on the card. This changes nothing as Liz is freed from Luger but apparently wants to stay with him, making this whole thing a big waste of time. Imagine that.
Luger Pillmanizes Sting’s arm post match. Remember two years ago when Sting was in the biggest match in WCW history? How was that just two years ago?
To recap, that was the tenth match of the show and, assuming you count Madusa as a heel, the third match where the heel didn’t either win or get the last laugh after the match. Those three are Vampiro and the Misfits beating up Oklahoma (who dominated the “match”), Page over David Flair and Norman Smiley over Meng where Norman was treated like a goon all match. Is there any doubt why so many fans are leaving their seats halfway through the show?
We recap Sid vs. Nash in the powerbomb match. I’ve watched the shows setting this match up and now I’ve watched the video and I’m still not exactly sure why they’re fighting. They’ve fought a few times but I’m not sure why they started in the first place. Again though, I doubt WCW does either other than “hey, they’re both big!”
Sid Vicious vs. Kevin Nash
You win by using a powerbomb instead of a pin or a submission because we just couldn’t have either guy do a real job for the sake of…..probably some legal deal actually. Nash takes over to start and hits the framed elbow and a side slam for two. A low blow breaks up Sid’s powerbomb attempt and it’s time to go outside so they don’t have to wrestle. Sid hits him in the back with a chair but stops to tell the fans to shut up. Good grief dude at least know what you’re supposed to be doing out there. Back in and Sid tries to start a powerbomb chant but the fans are mostly silent. Well to be fair that’s what Sid wanted.
The referee FINALLY GETS BUMPED, right before Sid hits a powerbomb. Cue Jeff Jarrett with a guitar to knock Sid out cold. The referee slowly gets up and Nash loads up a powerbomb but his back is out. Now the referee turns around as Nash is holding his back and Sid is down. Nash: “Yeah I powerbombed him.” Referee: “WELL OK THEN!” Nash wins. Scott Hudson: “I refuse to refer to Nash as the master of the powerbomb!” Oh dang man. No Scott Hudson endorsement? This is a sham of a reign as powerbomb master!
Rating: F. Failure, freaking stupid, for the love of all things good and holy, for goodness’ sake, fire them both. Pick any two and that’s what the F stands for here. I actually had to get up and walk around for a bit before I started talking about this. They somehow booked a match built around one finisher and then they couldn’t even do that finish because Nash didn’t want to do the powerbomb.
From a kayfabe perspective, how freaking horrible do the referees in this company look? Ranging from staying down for five minutes off a single shot to not being able to see a tag literally three feet in front of them to saying “yeah, sure I’ll believe you when you say you powerbombed him. You would never lie”, these are the worst referees I’ve ever seen. Oh and then there’s Roddy Piper who has a young boy doing his work for him and who hears voices in his head. I would do a Randy Orton joke there but Orton is too good for this show.
Benoit says the open challenge is still, uh, open.
US Title: Chris Benoit vs. ???
Ladder match and the title is officially vacant coming in The mystery opponent is……Jeff Jarrett, because why have two Jarrett segments when you can have three??? And my goodness did he change from jeans to gear in a hurry. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Benoit chopping Jeff into the ring. Something like an Irish Curse drops Jarrett and a superplex allows Benoit to go get the first ladder.
Jarrett gets up and hits a baseball slide to drive the ladder into Benoit, but Chris whips him into the ladder in the corner a few times to take over again. Benoit gets crotched against the ladder for something like a Russian legsweep out of the corner. Chris is busted open but still able to tie Jeff in the Tree of Woe in the standing ladder, only to find out that it’s hard to climb a ladder with someone hanging from the other side.
Both guys go up until Jarrett gets knocked down, followed by both guys going up and getting knocked over for nice crashes. In the best spot of the match, Benoit goes up but Jarrett dropkicks the ladder out from underneath him, sending Benoit down for a huge crash. Benoit is up first and dropkicks the ladder onto Jarrett but Benoit would rather drop a Swan Dive off the top of the ladder instead of grab the belt. Now he goes up and gets the belt for the win.
Rating: B. That might be high but anything above horrible would be ten times better than everything else on this show. Best match of the night here by about 19,000 years and naturally it only has ten minutes because we needed to give Oklahoma two matches and have the really stupid David Flair match instead of giving this another eight minutes. There isn’t much to say here other than the guys were doing big spots and making them look good. In other words, the polar opposite of everything else tonight.
We recap Goldberg vs. Hart, which started over Hart wanting to give Goldberg a title shot, and then became an Outsiders story involving the Tag Team Titles. Other than a few one off promos, these two have barely addressed each other.
Bret says he’s winning whether Goldberg likes it or not.
WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Goldberg
No DQ and there must be a winner with Bret defending. Instead of asking if we’re ready to rumble, Buffer tells us we’re ready because the fans would probably boo such a question out of the building for making this last even longer. You know how most of the time at Wrestlemania the main event eats up like 40 minutes? The bell here rings with just over thirteen minutes to go in the show. For some reason it would feel wrong if the main event of the biggest show of the year had more time than that.
They shake hands and we’re ready to go. Goldberg shoves him down out of a lockup to start but Bret takes him down with a headlock. That goes nowhere so Goldberg gorilla presses him into a powerslam for two. Goldberg tries that rolling leglock but Bret turns it into an early Sharpshooter attempt as only he could do. They fight outside with the referee getting bumped. It’s not even a big deal at this point.
Robinson comes out as a replacement and an overly excited (and likely drunk) fan is dancing badly in the front row. A big boot puts Hart down back inside but Robinson gets bumped on a hiptoss. Goldberg spears the turnbuckle as the third referee comes down to see Bret put on the Figure Four around the post. Back in and Bret starts in on the leg and puts on a regular Figure Four. The turn sends Bret running for the ropes so he wraps the leg around the middle rope in the corner.
Goldberg reverses and hammers away but referee number three goes down. There’s the Bret Killer superkick to set up the spear but a dejected Roddy Piper comes out to be the fourth referee. Bret, apparently having shrugged off the spear kicks Goldberg in the knee and MONTREAL STRIKES AGAIN as Piper calls for the bell before Bret turns the Sharpshooter over. Hudson: “NOT MONTREAL ALL OVER AGAIN!” Yes it’s Montreal all over again, because THAT’S THE DUMBEST THING THEY COULD POSSIBLY DO!
Rating: D-. The match was watchable but between the whole ending Bret Hart’s career and going back to a fake Montreal over two years later with Bret on the good end this time is one of the worst possible ideas they could have come up with. If you want Bret to keep the title on a screwjob then have someone lay Goldberg out from behind or whatever, but good night don’t do it like this. I mean, if this is the best they can think of, just close the doors now because Russo is clearly not what he’s cracked up to be (oh gee what an understatement) and they need to find ANYONE else to give the reigns over to immediately.
Piper hands Bret the belt and walks off to end the show.
Overall Rating: No. No no, no no no, no no, no no. This is flat out not acceptable as the biggest show of the year for any promotion, or as a show for any serious promotion actually. Where in the world do I even start? Well let’s start at the ending actually, as the main event was the longest match of the night at 12:07. This past week’s episode of Raw had two matches longer than that and that’s a run of the mill TV show.
Above all else, this felt like it could be any given filler pay per view where they’re not trying. I know WCW had mixed feelings about how big of a deal Starrcade really was, but at least they would usually give lip service to the fact that it’s the biggest night of the year. This felt like Fall Brawl or Uncensored instead of Starrcade and that’s a feeling that you can’t shake off no matter what.
Starrcade 1999 was Vince Russo with time to come up with his best possible ideas. Somehow he’s managed to produce the one of the worst Wrestlemanias and the one of the worst Starrcades of all time, IN THE SAME YEAR. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to do that in the span of about nine months? So much of this can be blamed on the writing and booking too. When you have thirteen matches in a show that runs less than two hours and forty five minutes, there’s very little the wrestlers can do to make the thing work.
The Mamalukes vs. Disco/Lash was the best match of the night until Chris Benoit and a ladder took their top spot. That’s almost inconceivable that a totally average tag match was as good as this show could do for about 80% of the card. These stories are thrown together with no real rhyme or reason to most of them and at some point the fans just gave up. Yeah, it worked back in the WWF in 1999, but it’s the same argument made about TNA now: why would I want to watch a lite version of the same stories with lesser and older talent doing the work?
There comes a point where you have to show your audience some respect or they’re going to turn on you. That’s where Russo doesn’t get the point: he thinks the fans are going to follow whatever he does because they’re watching a wrestling show and therefore aren’t that smart. That means he can throw some big series of swerves at us and expect us to just go with it with an explanation of “YOU DIDN’T SEE IT COMING!” and then somehow blame us for not getting it. I know this is rambling but after watching this disaster there’s no way to have any sort of coherent thought process.
It’s just one big surprise after another, but the problem is you can start to see the surprises coming about half an hour into the show. If you train your audience to expect a big swerve, it stops being a swerve and becomes part of the plot. Piper coming out at the end of the big swerve would have worked better if we didn’t have so many people turning on each other or one big surprise after another for two and a half hours leading up to it.
It doesn’t help that Piper is a legend and hasn’t had a good match in about seven years at this point but he’s being featured as a major plot point for a story that people don’t care about. The build for this show didn’t make me want to see it and then the show itself was horrible, making me have no desire to keep tuning in.
What is there that’s left untied here? Nash wins to show Sid is worthless, Hall is probably going to come back and take the title from Benoit, and we get to see more Jeff Jarrett. The big cliffhanger here is “WHY DID PIPER SCREW BRET???” If that’s the big question going into Nitro tomorrow, I have zero desire to keep watching this promotion, but I’m sure it’s my fault for not supporting Russo like he deserves for putting on all this EXCITING TV for me. Total disaster of a show and more like hitting a rock wall instead of starting some new chapter in the company’s history as the year is coming to a close.
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Monday Nitro #218
Date: December 13, 1999
Location: New Orleans, Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 6,835
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan
How is this already the go home show for Starrcade? Goldberg vs. Hart feels like a midcard match instead of the main event. Based on the amount of time given to each match, it would seem that the Mamalukes vs. Disco/Lash is headlining the card. I’m not even sure what all is on the card at this point. Let’s get to it.
We open with Benoit winning a fight against Jarrett in the back.
Opening sequence.
The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Maestro
Between the piano being lowered to the stage (with Symphony back) and Iaukea’s slow artsy entrance, we’re ready to go at nearly ten minutes into the show. Maestro throws him to the floor to start before planting him with a spinebuster back inside. The girls get into it and Prince grabs a rollup with a handful of tights for the pin.
Post match, here’s Jarrett with the guitars to knock out both guys. Jeff wants a Bunkhouse Brawl (another name for hardcore of course) with Benoit tonight.
Nash is looking for Hall.
Evan Karagias hits on Spice but Madusa comes up to get in a catfight.
Here’s Bret Hart with something to say. He talks about how much he respects Goldberg, but guarantees a win this Sunday. Cue Goldberg, complete with the full security entrance. How did they know to knock on the door at that point? Goldberg wasn’t scheduled for a match, so did Dillinger just think “he might want to respond here?” He thinks Bret is going to be next on Sunday. I’m so glad it took two minutes to get to that point. This brings out the Outsiders who want their Tag Team Titles back. Hall wants to fight now but Nash has to go finish his coffee.
Gene looks down at Madusa’s chest as she promises to hurt Spice tonight. This is another of those jokes that are only funny to Russo and Ferrara so we’re getting it on national TV.
Terry Taylor tells Luger that he has a tag match against Diamond Dallas Page/Sting with David Flair as his partner. This was announced earlier in the night, which explains why Luger is so surprised. I wouldn’t watch the show either.
David Flair chases off a delivery man for reasons of general insanity.
Madusa vs. Spice
Madusa quickly takes her down to start and hammers away but Evan comes in to say calm down. Spice is helpless as Madusa wants Evan to slug her, but Evan won’t do it. Madusa gets in a cheap shot and covers Madusa (with two limbs in the ropes) for the pin. Your #1 contender everyone.
Post match Madusa kisses Evan and suplexes him.
Hennig is ready for Bagwell tonight. Those two are fighting again? Rhonda Singh comes in and Russo makes fat jokes. He won’t talk to her unless she has an agent.
Revolution recap.
Jim Duggan comes out to say he has three mystery partners on Sunday. He survived surgery to fight for this country and spend time with his wife and children. The lights go out and come back on to reveal Duggan out cold.
Roddy Piper is going to referee Bagwell vs. Hennig. Russo tells him to do the right thing.
Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell
Roddy Piper is guest referee and makes it a No DQ match just because. Buff throws Hennig down a few times and poses before planting Curt with a slam. This leads to Hennig arguing with Piper for some reason, allowing Buff to grab a rollup for two. Buzzkill is in the crowd and wants to save baby seals. Again I ask, why is this supposed to be funny?
Curt comes back with right hands and chops, followed by the namesake neck snap. Piper counts slowly to start another argument. He begs Curt to slap him but the distraction lets Buff fight back with a swinging neckbreaker. Buff’s splash hits knees, but Piper and Hennig get in a fight, allowing Buff to grab a rollup for the pin with a very fast count.
Rating: D. What is this storyline? Russo and Piper hate each other because Piper has to be on TV (because he was big in the 80s you see) and now Piper is on TV as a referee but he’s being told to do the right thing, which sounds like Russo speak for let his guys win, but I think Piper is rebelling against him? Oh and Piper seems to be schizophrenic because he keeps talking to the voices in his head.
An unhappy Creative Control is on stage.
Luger goes in to see David Flair and is scared by what he sees in the locker room.
Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett
Bunkhouse match, meaning a come as you are street fight. Jeff brings a cowbell, a guitar and a bar stool so Benoit comes out with a ladder. The brawl starts in the aisle with Jeff getting the better of it and getting the cowbell because cowboys are awesome. They’re like boys, but with cows. Benoit comes back by choking with the bullrope and taking Jeff inside for two off a backbreaker. It’s ladder time but Jeff baseball slides it into Benoit’s face.
A whip into the ladder has Benoit in even more trouble but he throws Jeff into it as well to make things even. Benoit pulls him off the ladder but Jeff pulls him down with the rope. Cue Dustin Rhodes but Charles Robinson breaks up Shattered Dreams. There’s a guitar to Dustin, at the exact same time he kicks Jeff low. Benoit goes up top but Dustin is shoved into the ladder to send Benoit down in a crash to give Jarrett the pin.
Rating: D+. There were some decent spots here but the ending was, of course, a mess. I don’t know why Dustin Rhodes is here as the man in black, especially when he’s fighting because they’ve moved on from the idea of Dustin fighting because the Powers That Be fired Dusty. Instead it’s just Dustin Rhodes being Dustin Rhodes which isn’t interesting.
Luger doesn’t have much to say about the tag match but David Flair has a headless teddy bear.
A sports car arrives.
Piper goes into Russo’s office with a ball bat but Hennig nails him with a chair. So Curt is La Parka?
Meng vs. Tank Abbott
Oh sweet merciful goodness. This is a hardcore match because would you want to see them try to wrestle? They slug it out to start as this is designed to look like a shoot. Abbott takes him to the mat and they fight to the floor for a quick double countout. This is the guy Russo wanted to put the World Title on a month later?
Kanyon was in the car and seems to now be a pimp.
Police stop Piper from going after the Powers That Be.
Meng and Abbott are still fighting in the back.
Revolution vs. Harlem Heat/Midnight
Before the match we get the usual “we hate America” jazz. Dean: “We’ve got heat tonight.” Saturn: “Yeah listen to these people.” Dean: “No. Harlem Heat.” I’m not sure how to feel about that exchange. The lights go out for Midnight and come back with Saturn going after Malenko, presumably out of confusion. Booker takes Dean down to start and it’s already Spinarooni time. Off to Stevie for a slam but Booker tags himself back in.
That’s not cool with Stevie as he wanted Midnight to get the tag for reasons not entirely clear. The Revolution quickly takes over with Saturn stomping away in the corner and tagging in Dean, who walks right into the Bookend. Stevie gets the tag but Booker tags himself back in after just a few seconds. Saturn hits Asya by mistake as Stevie tags himself back in to fight Dean and Saturn at the same time. Everything breaks down and Midnight injures her knee on a leapfrog. Booker checks on the knee, leaving Stevie to get rolled up for the pin.
Rating: D+. This was an angle instead of a match but I’m glad we’re starting the latest Harlem Heat split. There’s nothing left for the two of them to do together and it means we might get to the long overdue Booker push. The match was nothing special but at least we got more man vs. woman.
Stevie yells at his brother.
Luger says Liz won’t be there with David tonight because Liz works for him alone. So we have female property.
Rhonda Singh asks Kanyon’s agent (J. Biggs, Clarence Mason from the WWF) to represent her. It turns out she can sing and dance. The agent isn’t interested, but Chavo comes up to sell Singh dancing gear. I don’t see this ending well.
Paul Orndorff is here and summoned to see the Powers That Be.
The Nitro Girls dance when Rhonda joins them in glittery attire. She’s horrible of course and shrugs off an attack by the Girls. So in the span of ten minutes, we have man vs. woman, Liz as Luger’s property and now this. How long until Russo gets fired?
Finlay is still training Knobbs on how to be hardcore.
Norman Smiley and Jerry Flynn fight in the boiler room. That goes nowhere until Meng and Abbott wander in. Norman and Meng get out while Abbott and Flynn fight.
Orndorff is in the office, where Russo fires him for training Midnight. Paul yells, so he’s put in a match with Creative Control.
Sid has a kid named Seth who he calls his coach. Seth says Sid is his favorite wrestler in the world. I think the kid has Downs Syndrome. If he does, I have no issue with this segment whatsoever.
Steve Williams vs. Sid Vicious
Oh man. Imagine this one in 1989 with JR on commentary. Instead it’s 1999 with Oklahoma. Before the match, Oklahoma says the Powers That Be have made this a suplex vs. powerbomb match, which I assume means the first person to hit that finisher wins. Dr. Death jumps Sid as he’s sitting the kid down at ringside because he’s really evil. Back in and Williams hammers away as Oklahoma lists off the resume. Sid blocks some suplexes and hammers away but Oklahoma slips his boot to Williams. He knocks Sid out but Vampiro appears to chase Oklahoma, allowing Sid to powerbomb Williams for the win.
Post match the Outsiders run in and lay out Sid to make sure the kid doesn’t get to smile any longer than he should. Sure the kid has a horrible disease, but is that any reason for the Outsiders to not look good?
Post break, Sid is looked at by a doctor and the Outsiders think it’s funny.
David Flair/Total Package vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Sting
Did Page turn face again and I missed it? I know he’s been going after David but heel vs. heel is hardly unheard of under Russo. David has the headless bear with him but takes a Stinger Splash in the first 45 seconds. Sting tags Page in with a right hand to start a fight between the two of them. Now it’s Page taking a splash but Luger sneaks in with a running clothesline to Sting, followed by some crowbar shots. Liz sneaks in to take the crowbar away before laying over Sting to stop some chair shots. David hits Luger with the crowbar so Liz puts Sting over Luger for the pin (from the referee who saw ALL OF THIS). What a mess.
Singh comes up to Champagne Kanyon and the agent in the back and asks if they liked her dance. This goes nowhere so Bam Bam Bigelow comes up and gets in Kanyon’s face. The agent offers a distraction so Kanyon can beat him down. Kanyon: “Triad that!”
After a break, Bigelow comes to the ring and demands Kanyon come out here for a match.
Kanyon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Before the match, Biggs wants to talk about legal ramifications and gets shoved to the side so Bigelow can punch Kanyon in the face. Some biting and stomps to the head have Kanyon in even more trouble but he comes back with a swinging neckbreaker. A suplex sets up a World’s Strongest Slam to Kanyon and there’s the top rope headbutt a bit low. Kanyon is up and fine ten seconds later with the Flatliner (now called That’s A Wrap) connecting for a clean pin.
Rating: D. Did…..did that match just end clean? Did I just see a match without any interference or cheating? You always hear about these things but you never expect to actually see them happen. It was boring stuff though and the ending came out of nowhere with Kanyon just popping up and hitting his finisher for the pin.
Norman hides from Meng.
The Mamalukes have a body bag for Lash.
Piper babbles about his chair match later.
Lash Leroux vs. Big Vito
This is a body bag match, which I’m assuming is like a casket match. Lash sucks up to his hometown to start. Vito pounds away to start and nails a superkick for two. Back up and Lash nails a backdrop followed by an elbow to the jaw to send Vito into the corner. A side slam and legdrop get two more, followed by a Disco Inferno style middle rope elbow drop. Disco and Johnny fight on the floor as Lash nails the Whiplash. He puts Vito mostly in the bag which is enough for the win, even though you can see Vito’s head and shoulders.
Rating: D+. Was there any point to this being a body bag match? I certainly don’t think so, but I’m just a wrestling fan and therefore don’t understand such nuances. Nothing match here as the tag match is still set up, even though it’s not likely going to be anything special to see. At least this story has gotten some consistent TV time though and I can see what they’re going for.
Post match the Mamalukes destroy Lash and put him in the bag, eventually taking him out to their car.
Paul Orndorff vs. Creative Control
So yeah, Orndorff is back and in a match. I’ll set the over/under on run-ins here at 5.5. Paul kicks Patrick in the knee to start and puts him down with a knee lift. Gerald gets suplexed for trying to come in and an elbow drop gets two. Orndorff chokes him with a rope but Patrick makes the save to start the obvious beatdown. Cue Anderson (you remember him Paul. He’s the guy that broke your neck and ended your career) and Zbyszko to help beat up the twins, allowing Orndorff to piledrive Patrick for the pin.
Rating: D-. I’ve never been the biggest Paul Orndorff fan (I don’t dislike him but I never got the massive appeal) but you just had him hold his own and beat last week’s Tag Team Champions. Yeah he had help, but the Harris Brothers should have a lot less trouble beating up two guys who retired due to neck issues and a commentator who has wrestled like four times in three years.
Slick Johnson reverses the decision and names Creative Control the winners by DQ. Good for them I suppose.
The Mamalukes open the body bag and find….Norman Smiley. Their reactions are actually funny.
Curt Hennig vs. Roddy Piper
Chairs match and another pairing that would have rocked in 1989. Piper apparently has a torn bicep so Hennig goes right after the arm. Roddy comes back with some chair shots and Hennig leaves after about 70 seconds. I see zero point to this match existing.
Bret Hart has been attacked and Goldberg checks on him.
Tag Team Titles: Bret Hart/Goldberg vs. Outsiders
Hall and Nash are challenging. Goldberg comes out to fight alone and does just fine to start with the superkick dropping Nash and a right hand sending Hall to the floor with him. Back in and Hall officially starts for the team with a wristlock but gets put down with the AA’s second cousin. A pumphandle slam sends Hall running to the corner and it’s off to Nash. Kevin tries his luck by running the ropes but walks into a powerslam for two.
The numbers game starts catching up with Goldberg though and Hall’s cheap shot lets Nash take over. The running crotch attack to the back gets two on Goldberg and Hall plants him with a chokeslam. Hart limps down and slugs away for the save. Nash gets caught in the Sharpshooter but Hall makes the save. Everything breaks down with Hall getting kicked down, right before Nash brings in the title belt. Bret punches him down but his knee goes out, despite Nash not touching him, allowing Nash to get the pin and the titles, just before Goldberg Jackhammers Hall.
Rating: D. Angle instead of a match here, but thank goodness they managed to get the World Champion pinned six days before Starrcade and give Hall a second (or third if you consider the TV Title still around) title. This is the problem with having the World Title match participants as champions, but giving it to them for four days made it even dumber.
Trash fills the ring to end the show.
Overall Rating: F+. Well let’s see: #1 contender for the Cruiserweight Title loses to a non-wrestler, Sid gets beaten down again, the World Champion gets pinned, Jeff Jarrett still isn’t interesting and Hennig and Piper set up and blew off an angle in one night with a match barely breaking a minute. Somehow, this is their go home show (Thunder hasn’t meant anything in ages) for the biggest show of the year. Russo booking Starrcade scares the heck out of me and this didn’t do anything to make it better.
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