Smackdown
Date: September 21, 2007
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re done with Unforgiven and that means we have a new World Champion as Batista defeated the Great Khali and Rey Mysterio to win the title back. Batista might be in some fast trouble though as he has to deal with the returning Undertaker, who has defeated Mark Henry and wants the title as well. On top of that (maybe), it’s time for Kristal and Teddy Long to get married. Let’s get to it.

Here is Unforgiven if you need a recap.

It’s the season premiere and Maria is our guest host, including some guests: the Ying Yang Twins, plus Coach and Vince McMahon. Maria congratulates Vince on his son Hornswoggle, who is NOT here tonight. Coach would rather talk to the Twins, who he thinks are country singers. Yang: “I like Hornswoggle more than I like him.”

Opening sequence.

Here is Batista for a chat and he is very excited about his new suit and his new title. He congratulates Rey Mysterio and knows Rey will be World Champion again, but for now, Great Khali is cashing in his rematch clause so there will be a Punjabi Prison match at No Mercy. Cue Mark Henry to say he is going to end Undertaker’s career next week but he can take Batista’s title whenever he wants. Batista: “You are as stupid as you are ugly.” The challenge seems to be accepted.

Maria is dancing with the Ying Yang Twins when Jeff Hardy comes in. The Twins seem to like the Intercontinental Title, which Yang gets to hold. Then Jeff dances.

Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Jamie Noble

Jamie takes over to start but Yang is right back up with a standing hurricanrana. Noble knocks him down again and goes after the arm before elbowing Yang in the head. The armbar goes on but Yang is back up with an enziguri, only to get pulled into a Fujiwara armbar. The rope is grabbed but hold on as Noble sees Hornswoggle’s hat at ringside. The hat is on Shannon Moore though, and the distraction lets Yang hit the moonsault press for the pin.

Rating: C-. Well that was quick and mostly harmless, at least until they got to the Noble Hates Hornswoggle of course, because that is the kind of dumb idea that WWE keeps obsessing over. That being said, it isn’t like there is anything else going on in the cruiserweight division so this is about all we can get. That should explain the problem with the division as well as anything else.

Matt Hardy and MVP’s latest competition is throwing footballs through a tire. MVP has to cheat to survive so Matt says he can win at anything, including wrestling. We’ll worry about that later though as they have a tag match next.

Undertaker is back next week.

MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

Non-title and Cherry is here with Deuce N Domino. Matt tags MVP in to start and it’s a suplex to put Deuce down. A double elbow is loaded up but MVP switches to a solo clothesline instead. There’s a double suplex for the same but the fans seem to be more about Hardy than anyone else. Deuce takes MVP down into the corner though and we take a break. Back with MVP having to fight out of a chinlock but getting knocked into the corner to keep up the beating.

A side kick misses though and MVP is back with a faceplant for a breather. Domino can’t cut off the hot tag again and it’s back to Matt to clean house. The middle rope elbow to the back of the neck drops Domino and a corner bulldog/clothesline combination takes both of them down for two. The Side Effect drops Domino but Matt loads up the Twist of Face and, after walking into the corner so MVP can tag himself in, gets rather annoyed. MVP gets knocked off the apron so Matt hits a neckbreaker, only to get rolled up to give Domino the pin.

Rating: C. The struggles continue as the story continues, which is not a bad thing. Matt and MVP don’t get along in the first place and it is good to see a regular team managing to beat them. You can only get so far with a team that can’t stand each other beating regular teams so this was the smart way to go.

Post match, arguing ensues.

Teddy Long’s family and friends are ready for the marriage, with Butch Reed not being sure how Teddy got a woman like Kristal. And how is she in various situations? That’s too far for Teddy, because his grandson and the reverend are here too. Actually it’s not that bad, because the reverend would like to know too. Teddy says he is going to make Kristal holla, holla holla.

Here is Rey Mysterio for a chat in the ring with Michael Cole. Rey says he’s glad to be back in the ring with the Smackdown fans and he congratulates Batista on winning the World Title. We see a recap of the Rey vs. Chavo Guerrero feud but John Bradshaw Layfield gets up to yell at Cole and Rey.

JBL doesn’t want Rey to be asked a bunch of lame questions like this while he pays homage to the 619. Rey brings up that he ended JBL’s career and is ready to fight right now. That seems to work for JBL but he can’t do that with his broadcasting contract. He does know someone who loves to fight though, so here is Finlay. A cheap shot leaves Rey laying and Finlay leaves as JBL returns to commentary.

Raw Rebound.

Maria is still hanging out with the Ying Yang Twins when Jimmy Wang Yang comes in and seems to know who they are. Carlito comes in but before he can say anything, Chuck Palumbo comes in to rev his engine, which Maria seems to like.

The Diva Search girls play beach volleyball for a long time. Naomi is the first girl cut, even though they haven’t actually been in the arena yet. Next time: limbo.

The bridal party meets Jagged Edge, who will be performing at the wedding. Autographs are given out and we get a preview of the song, with Kristal getting chills.

Mark Henry vs. Batista

Non-title. Henry powers him into the corner to start but Batista is back with a running clothesline. Back up and Henry sends Batista into the corner again and this time it’s a running splash to put Batista down. We hit the chinlock with a nerve hold, which is at least a slight twist on the norm. Batista fights up and hits a middle rope shoulder, setting up the spinebuster….and here is Great Khali. Batista goes after him but stops to spear Henry on the floor, drawing the double countout.

Rating: C-. This was about as good of a match as they were going to be able to have given the situation, as you don’t want Henry to lose again and Batista can’t be losing as the new champion. Khali interfering makes sense too and now we get to set up their singles title match, even in the wacky Punjabi Prison. They didn’t have time to get too bad here either, and that’s about as smart of an idea as they could have had.

Post match Khali beats up Batista without much trouble.

Undertaker is still back next week.

It’s time for the wedding, with the reverend (Bruce Bruce) and a bunch of guests, including Vince McMahon, in attendance. With all of the wrestling guests sitting down, Hornswoggle pops out from underneath the ring with a chair and a phone book to sit on. Post match, Teddy Long comes to the ring and the bridesmaids/groomsmen come out as well. Kristal comes out and, after falling on the steps, gets in the ring for the ceremony.

Jagged Edge comes out to perform a song, which everyone seems to enjoy (including a bunch of hands waving, though Vince just bobs back and forth). Hold on though as here is Jillian Hall for a song of her own, which goes on despite everyone’s protests. Eventually some women pick her up and carry her out (Reverend: “Praise Jesus.”) but hold on again as Hornswoggle starts beating up Coach.

With that under control, the reverend is ready for the vows but here is the Godfather, with his ladies, to interrupt. Godfather offers Teddy one more good time on the Train but Teddy is happy here. Ron Simmons pops in with an annoyed version of the catchphrase before Godfather leaves….with JBL joining him in a funny bit. Then all of the guests go too, which raises a few questions.

Teddy says his vows and Kristal is about to do the same but Hornswoggle runs into the ring. Coach and Vince chase him to the back, leaving Kristal to say I Do. Teddy is about to do the same…and falls over holding his heart. Everyone panics as medics come in to give Teddy oxygen to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Pretty meh show overall, as the big ending is only so interesting. I remember watching this live and not being overly impressed or interested in where it was going. It probably means Vickie Guerrero takes over, which should make for the latest lame boss. Other than that, we get a few more weeks of build towards the Unforgiven rematches, meaning more Batista vs. Khali. Lucky us.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 10, 2007
Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Attendance: 5,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time for the big reveal as this week will see the reveal of Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son. This is the kind of story that feels like it should be a huge moment, with Mr. Kennedy feeling like the likely surprise, but that pesky steroids suspension seems to be throwing a wrench into the plans. That should open up a new door too, so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We’re starting fast because here is Vince McMahon, with Coach, to get things going. Vince recaps the story, saying that he has an illegitimate son and that he is a “WWO” (Vince: “Let me try that again.”) superstar. Vince blames the mother for causing all of these problems before informing the fans that Coach DOES NOT suck. The only thing that makes Vince feel better is that his son isn’t from Green Bay, like Mr. Kennedy, who is on the current WWE Magazine. Vince happens to have a copy, which he has Coach rip up.

Enough of that though, as Vince wants to know who his son is, which brings out Great Khali. Runjin Singh translates for Great Khali, who said that “things are looking up” must mean him and he would be proud to be called The Great McMahon. Cue JBL to interrupt to talk about how he and Vince both love money. JBL: “Put Big Gulp on a leash.” Even in this market, he can guarantee and things are looking up. Vince owns wrestling and JBL is a wrestling god. They even go to the same barber!

He would love to be John Bradshaw McMahon but here is Jeff Hardy to interrupt this time. Coach: “What are you doing out here?” Jeff: “I’m not really sure.” Jeff thinks “things are looking up” might mean him diving off the ladder, but he certainly hopes he isn’t the son. JBL yells about Hardy and Khali’s hair, but here is Mr. Johnson, the son’s mother’s lawyer.

Vince goes into a rant about how much he hates attorneys before being told his son will be revealed at some point tonight. For now, the only thing Johnson will reveal is that Vince’s son is NOT Jeff Hardy. Jeff: “PRAISE THE LORD YEAH!” That celebration earns Jeff a singles match with Great Khali later tonight.

We see some photos of the South African tour, including Paul London and Brian Kendrick winning the Tag Team Titles from Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, only to lose them back three days later.

Paul London vs. Lance Cade

Brian Kendrick and Trevor Murdoch are here too. Cade headlocks him down to start so London pops up with a hurricanrana. A belly to back suplex drops London right back down and we hit the neck crank. That doesn’t last long either as London is up with a springboard missile dropkick. Murdoch tries to offer a distraction….but it lets Kendrick come in for Sliced Bread. London adds the running shooting star press for the fast pin.

Rating: C. They kept this moving and it was a way to bridge the feud to Sunday. I like the title switches on the tour as it gave this feud a bit of life, as otherwise it was just London and Kendrick getting another title shot. You can only get so far when there is no chance of a title switch and now they gave the thing a bit more interest.

We recap Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s dad two weeks ago, sending Cena over the edge with an attack on William Regal last week. As a result, Cena is barred from the building this week.

Coach tells Vince McMahon that William Regal is doing better but has a lot of recovering to do. As a result, Coach has banned John Cena from the building tonight, which Vince doesn’t like. Coach has another idea though, as he brings in the man who the fans have voted as the second most likely star to be Vince’s son: Stevie Richards! Vince cracks up laughing and sends Stevie away before asking Coach who was #1 in the audience vote. That would be HHH, which doesn’t sit well with Vince.

We look back at HHH beating up Carlito and REALLY beating up Umaga.

Carlito is ready to destroy HHH on Sunday at Unforgiven. As for tonight, Carlito is full of surprises.

HHH vs. Shelton Benjamin

Carlito is at ringside. HHH wins an early slugout and sends him shoulder first into the post. It works so well that HHH does it again before throwing Shelton into Carlito. We take a break and come back with HHH fighting out of a chinlock but getting DDTed for two. The chinlock goes on again so HHH fights up again, only to get caught with the spinning clothesline from the top. HHH’s standing clothesline connects to put both of them down for a breather. Back up and HHH hits a spinebuster, setting up the Pedigree for the pin.

Rating: C. This was more like the old school Benjamin and that is a very good thing to see. It’s great to have him showing off his offense and he looked like his old self here. That being said, he was little more than cannon fodder for HHH, which isn’t a big surprise. Nice match here, as HHH continues to get back to normal.

Post match Carlito goes after HHH but gets cut off. Cue Coach to say Vince McMahon is sick of HHH being disrespectful. Therefore, Carlito vs. HHH at Unforgiven is now No DQ….for Carlito only.

A car arrives and since it isn’t John Cena’s, he can roll right in.

Here is Randy Orton, with security, for a chat. Orton knows John Cena is watching at home, maybe with his dad. If that is the case, he needs to turn the volume down because his dad’s head must be throbbing. This Sunday at Unforgiven, it is one year since Cena won the WWE Title. Orton is in Cena’s head though and he is going to use that opening to take Cena down. Cue Cena through the crowd to get his hands on Orton but security holds him back so Orton can escape.

In the back, Vince McMahon yells at Coach for not keeping Cena out. Cue security, who still can’t hold Cena back. Cena gets in Vince’s face and says, as a man, that he knows what is happening to Orton at Unforgiven. Orton is going to feel pain and vengeance in his bones for Cena’s father. That is something even Vince can understand, and with that, Cena leaves.

Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall

Candice Michelle is on commentary. Mickie flips out of an early snapmare attempt but gets whipped into the corner. That means a handspring elbow connects to give Jillian two as Candice talks about facing Beth Phoenix. Jillian pulls her down hard out of the corner and seems to rub Mickie’s face into her chest. Apparently it wakes Mickie up enough to kick Jillian in the head for the pin.

Post match Beth Phoenix runs in to take both of them out so Candice runs in for the failed save attempt.

Sandman vs. Santino Marella

Before the match, Santino mourns the loss of Luciano Pavarotti, but at least he passed away before he had to see Steve Austin in the Condemned. Santino doesn’t understand this lack of culture but Sandman’s entrance cuts him off. Once Sandman gets rid of the kendo stick, Santino starts pounding him down and goes after the leg. A splash hits raised knees though and Sandman knocks him outside. That means a big dive (there’s a surprise) from Sandman but Marella uses the kendo stick for the DQ.

Post match Santino tries to break the stick over his own knee but hurts himself. Sandman gets the cage to chase him off.

Post break Maria is talking to Ron Simmons about Santino being so different lately. She thinks they might need to split up but here is Santino to jump Simmons. Santino even does Simmons’ catchphrase, which should signal his doom.

The Diva Search is coming back. Great. We get the first look at the finalists, including Eve Torres, Taryn Terrell and Lena Yada.

Unforgiven rundown.

Great Khali vs. Jeff Hardy

Non-title. Khali throws him into the corner to start for the elbow to the face. The Whisper in the Wind is knocked away and Khali hits a big boot. The Vice Grip finishes Hardy in a hurry. Your Intercontinental Champion everyone.

Post match here is Batista to spear Khali down without much effort.

Here are Vince McMahon and Coach for the big reveal, with the male roster surrounding the ring as well. HHH comes out last and Vince isn’t exactly pleased. Vince knows that one of these men is his son and wants to know who gets to be a McMahon. He wants to know who it is right now but here is Mr. Johnson on the Titantron. In accordance with his client’s wishes, he is going to eliminate some of the possible names.

First up, the son is not extreme, meaning ECW is out. Vince: “Thank God it’s not Balls Mahoney.” The son also has a fondness for gold, meaning he is a current or former champion. Next up is that the son’s skin is fair, which Vince (rather rapidly) points out means he is Caucasian. Vince has everyone left get in the ring, as he is told that the son’s hair is fair as well.

That leaves us with Sandman, JBL, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch and HHH, though the fans want Kennedy (not here). Vince shoots that down before giving us the next clue: “Individual.” That takes Vince some time to figure out but it means he isn’t a tag wrestler. The final clue: the son loves to play the game.

That seems to leave HHH, who isn’t happy either. Vince says this isn’t right, with Johnson agreeing. The son loves to play games, such as hide and seek or marbles….because it’s HORNSWOGGLE! HHH nearly falls over in laughter as Hornswoggle pops out, grabs Vince’s leg, and puts his hat on Vince’s head to end the show.

So there’s your big reveal. After several weeks, we get Hornswoggle as the big gag blowoff, which was disappointing back in the day and it’s disappointing now. This time it isn’t WWE’s fault as the Kennedy suspension blew up what could have been a career making story, but ultimately there is only so much that can be done when the key player is gone. Hornswoggle was a bit funny and there is some good comedy potential, but it feels like it could have been so much more.

Overall Rating: C-. This was ALL about the big angle at the end, with the wrestling being a complete afterthought. That made for a weird show, as Unforgiven took a backseat as well, leaving the pay per view without much of a final push and the big story with a pretty lame resolution. Again, it isn’t WWE’s fault this time, but it is still pretty disappointing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 20, 2007
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and the main event has been set for a long time now. Randy Orton attacked WWE Champion John Cena at Saturday Night’s Main Event so now we need another match set up. There are a few people with nothing else to do so they need to do something with them this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Randy Orton is already in the ring and Tazz is replacing Jerry Lawler after King Booker took him out last week. Orton tells us to take a good look, because this is the last time you are going to see him without the WWE Title. Last week it was the start of the beginning of the end, which sends us to Orton RKOing John Cena through an open chair on Saturday Night’s Main Event. That was so good that Orton wants to see it in slow motion and from different angles. For some reason he only gets the latter but seems pleased anyway.

That footage is going to replace Hogan slamming Andre and the Montreal Screwjob as the most played clip in WWE history. That move is going to end Cena’s reign, but Orton would understand if Cena couldn’t make it to Summerslam. Rumor has it that he isn’t even here tonight but if Cena is here, he can come forfeit the title right now. Instead, Orton gets Vince McMahon, who doesn’t want to hear about the title match because some woman is out there hiding his illegitimate child.

Today, he found out that the child is male, which means a son of superior genetics. If Vince didn’t know Orton’s dad, he would hope that his son would be someone like him. All his other two kids want his MONEY, which isn’t what Orton would be after. Vince thinks they will find out who his son is here tonight and he hopes the people welcome him. These people are all horrible and want to see Vince taken down, just because some offspring wants his money. Vince hopes his son isn’t like John Cena, who has no dignity…and Cena is in the back.

Cue Cena to the ring, where he says he hopes he isn’t Vince’s son because he would be ashamed for Vince to be his father. With Orton behind the barricade, Cena says Orton has a message of his own because he is here tonight. He’ll be at Summerslam, where he will retain the WWE Title. Vince says Cena might be lying, but if he doesn’t show up, he will be stripped of the championship.

Speaking of stripping, that might bring Vince to Cena’s mother. Vince says he spent a lot of time in new England and he very might have “done your mom”. Cena punches him in the face so Vince and Orton bail together. Hold on though as Vince isn’t going to stand for this. That’s why Cena can face Snitsky, which has Cena looking a bit nervous.. This was a long bunch of talking to set up a main event and reveal that the child is a son.

Rey Mysterio is back on Sunday.

Mickie James/Candice Michelle vs. Melina/Beth Phoenix

Hold on though as here is William Regal to say that we will have a Divas battle royal at Summerslam, with the winner facing Candice for the Women’s Title at some point in the future. Mickie and Candice get jumped before the bell and Beth gives Mickie a slingshot suplex. Melina comes in but Mickie slips over and brings in Candice to clean house (and scream a lot). Phoenix’s interference doesn’t work and Candice gets something like Kofi Kingston’s SOS to pin Melina

Post match the mini battle royal breaks out, with Beth being the last woman standing. Tazz: “She’s like a Glamazon!”

Santino Marella, with his arm in a sling, comes in to see William Regal to complain about Ron Simmons and Maria going on a date. Marella complains about Regal’s accent, saying he sounds like a “limp wristed hairdresser.” Regal tells him not to mess with the date so Marella says he’s off to get a cappuccino.

King Booker and Queen Sharmell are ready for his official crowning tonight and invite HHH to be their guest.

Vince McMahon and Coach talk about Vince’s possible son, but write off the idea of it being HHH. Val Venis pops up to say HELLO DADDY, with Coach saying it would explain Val’s other career. They keep walking, with Vince blaming Shane McMahon for a lot of his troubles over the years. Daivari comes in to call Vince papa and puts his head covering on Vince’s head. Vince scares it off and they run into Mr. Kennedy but they keep walking this time. He wants it to be someone who has great wealth…and we’ll just cut it off there.

Cody Rhodes vs. Shelton Benjamin

Charlie Haas is here with Benjamin. Cody takes him down by the arm to start but gets pulled to the mat without much effort. The chinlock with a knee in the back has Cody in more trouble but he fights up with some dropkicks. A bulldog gives Cody two and the snap jabs follow. Benjamin hits another backbreaker but the Boston crab is countered into a rollup to give Cody the pin.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go very far but Cody stringing some wins together is a way to get him established with the crowd. That’s about all you can hope for with someone as generic as Rhodes still is. While that might work well for him, it is still a bit rough to see this happen to Shelton. He really did seem ready to be one of the next big things and here he is instead.

Post match Haas and Benjamin beat Cody down and leave him laying.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Non-title. Cade drives Kendrick into the corner to start and grabs a headlock. That doesn’t work very well as Kendrick is back up with a dropkick. It’s off to London for an armdrag, followed by another armdrag to Murdoch. An armbar doesn’t last long so Cade comes back in as everything breaks down. Cade and Murdoch are sent outside for the stereo dives, with Kendrick slamming head first onto the floor for a scary crash. Thankfully he seems to be ok, so here is Cryme Tyme to sell Murdoch’s hat to the crowd. The distraction lets Kendrick grab a crucifix for the pin as the hat sells for two dollars.

Rating: C+. These teams work well together as you have some talented people who know how to work well together. Losing to London and Kendrick is hardly some shocking upset and it furthers Cryme Tyme’s claim to a title shot. They’re turning this into a little something, with Cryme Tyme’s charisma certainly taking it a long way. Nice match too, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

We now go to Ron Simmons and Maria on a date at a sports bar and grill. Simmons will have CLAM chowder with his LAMB, along with some bread and JAM. Cue Santino Marella with Jillian (or Lilian, according to him) Hall and of course they’ll join them. Oh and Simmons gets a vegetable, so he’ll have YAMS.

It’s time for King Booker’s coronation, with Queen Sharmell handling the introductions. Last week, Jerry Lawler was supposed to crown him but that did not happen. Instead, Lawler announced his opponent for the Summerslam Games, Hunter Hearst Helmsley (He used his real name!). We see Lawler getting beaten down last week before Booker calls the city by the wrong name. Booker orders HHH out here right now….and it’s a guy in a bad HHH costume, complete with the fake nose (he looks like Jason Sensation as Owen Hart).

Fake HHH crowns him but Booker wants to talk to James Ross. This does not concern Tazzwell so he can leave. Booker yells at Ross over what he said last week, while losing a bit of the accent. Ross is in trouble, but he can make up for it by kissing the royal ring. That won’t happen, but Sharmell shoves his face onto it, which is enough for Booker. I was expecting more violence. And more from Fake HHH. This was something with a few ideas but they didn’t go anywhere.

Post break, Ross says it’s Game On for Booker at Summerslam.

We go back to the date, where Jillian Hall is singing Whitney Houston. Maria didn’t realize they had karaoke here, but she just brings that microphone with her. A “fan” comes up to ask for Santino Marella’s autograph on a program, which is unfortunately from the waist up because it doesn’t showcase Santino’s…uh, bulge. The fact that he is reading this from a piece of paper isn’t lost on Maria. Ron Simmons: “SHAM!”

It’s time for Carlito’s Cabana, with Umaga as the guest. Carlito gets right to the point: we’re almost to Summerslam but he doesn’t have a match. He wants the Intercontinental Title shot, but here is Mr. Kennedy to interrupt. Carlito: “Not you again.” Kennedy thinks he should get the title shot, because he has beaten Bobby Lashley, which even Umaga hasn’t done. If anyone deserves the title shot at Summerslam, it’s MR. KENNEDY (which takes quite awhile to say). Umaga thinks it takes too long and superkicks Kennedy down before wrecking the set. Cue William Regal to make Carlito vs. Kennedy for the title shot right now.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito

We’re joined in progress with Carlito taking him down by the arm and pounding on the shoulder. Kennedy gets sent outside but comes back in to take Carlito down instead. The chase on the floor doesn’t go very far and it’s Carlito hammering away back inside. We hit the chinlock with a knee in Kennedy’s back but he pops up with a backdrop.

Carlito’s clothesline doesn’t even get a count because Kennedy’s shoulders aren’t down but a suplex does get one. Kennedy misses a middle rope elbow so they trade rollups with trunks for two each. Back up and Carlito kicks/hits/springboard elbows him in the face, only to miss a charge into the post. They head back outside, with Kennedy hitting a running kick to the ribs against the steps as we take a break.

We come back with Carlito being sent into the corner, setting up some boot scrapes. That doesn’t go well for Carlito, who is back up with a posting of his own. Carlito’s dropkick gets two but Kennedy catches him on top. The super Regal Roll is broken up so Carlito hits a superplex, setting up the always stupid “let’s randomly throw our legs together” for a small package and the double pin.

Rating: C-. This was long and I don’t know how dramatic the ending was. It wouldn’t have made sense to have either of them go over the other so this was about as good as it could have been. The ending didn’t help either, as it’s one of those ending that can only make sense when they are working together and that isn’t a great visual.

Post match, William Regal makes the triple threat title match. That was so fast it was almost anticlimactic.

HHH is back at Summerslam.

Back at the bar, Santino Marella threatens Ron Simmons, who calls the referee over (SAM!). As luck would have it, the waiter’s tray of food winds up on Santino, giving us Simmons’ main catchphrase. Kind of a lame ending, but Simmons has been great.

Summerslam rundown.

Vince McMahon is in the back with Melina, who apparently looks rather fetching in Divas Magazine. Snitsky comes in to say he never knew his parents, but he knows how to inflict pain. He promises to cause Cena pain and calls Vince dad.

We look back at John Cena slapping McMahon earlier.

John Cena vs. Snitsky

Non-title. Cena gets powered into the corner to start but avoids a charge. A bulldog just seems to avoid Snitsky, who kicks Cena in the head to take over again. Snitsky clotheslines him hard to the floor and there’s an elbow to cut off the comeback attempt. A double underhook crank works on both of Cena’s arms but Cena powers out. The ProtoBomb looks to set up the FU but here is Randy Orton with the RKO for the DQ.

Rating: C. It’s another match designed to be nothing more than a way to set up the finish, but Snitsky continues to look like a monster. One thing I did like here was the ending didn’t have Snitsky completely done, leaving him just enough of an out. I can’t imagine Snitsky can reach anything higher than a monster to be slayed, but at least he did well in a short match here.

Post match, Orton hits another RKO and stares at the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. They’re in a weird place with the Summerslam build as Cena vs. Orton is set, but the second biggest Raw match involves someone who hasn’t been around for seven months. That has left the logical but only so good Booker vs. Lawler feud, with Lawler not being around this week either. The Vince drama is enough to fill in the gap, but the red half of Summerslam is feeling very single note after this show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 13, 2007
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 16,827
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s time to go back to the company’s home and it always feels special to be in Madison Square Garden. We are less than two weeks away from Summerslam and the John Cena vs. Randy Orton showdown, but we need something to get us through a few more shows. We’ll start with a bizarre pairing of Cena/Umaga vs. Orton/Carlito, which should make for an interesting main event. Oh and Vince McMahon might have another kid. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Vince McMahon returning last week on a pretty bad night before being told that he has a paternity suit being filed against him over another McMahon child. I still remember that airing live and being intrigued.

Opening sequence.

Wrestlers from all three rosters are around the ring as Vince McMahon comes out. Vince says he has had a few dalliances over the years but he doesn’t even remember this woman. To make it worse, the woman is withholding the name of the illegitimate child, which makes this pure extortion from a woman who should have been on the pill.

We see a WHO’S YOUR BABY sign in the crowd and you know the fans are chanting that. Vince knows his family supports him and he hopes the fans will support him, because this could happen to any red blooded American male. He has been in the public spotlight for thirty years and nothing bothers him…but here is Stephanie McMahon to interrupt.

She wanted to do this in private but that can’t happen now. Stephanie claims that Vince abandoned his family, but Vince thinks she just wants her piece of the pie. She didn’t want to do this in public but she will anyway. Earlier today, she talked to the mother and has found something out: the child is a WWE star, and they’re here at ringside. Vince looks around the ring and suddenly looks rather nauseous. As Vince leaves, he has a staredown with Mr. Kennedy, which the fans seem to like. He also looks at Mark Henry, who kind of shakes his head. There’s your big angle and yeah, this is intriguing.

Bobby Lashley had shoulder surgery this week and blames Mr. Kennedy.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Sandman

I’m not sure why they went to the back instead of just staying in the ring but WWE can do some weird things at times. Kennedy works on the arm to start but Sandman swings away with left hands. It’s time to go up top but Kennedy crotches him, setting up a super snapmare. The Regal Roll gives Kennedy the fast pin.

Vince McMahon is ranting about having a wrestler for a kid to Coach, who has a plan: they can go through the entire roster and figure this out. First up, Coach needs to know when Vince became sexually active. Vince: “Well I was ALMOST a teenager.” Coach says this could be anyone on the roster, so here is Ric Flair to say WOO as Vince appears to have a headache.

Video on Randy Orton taking out Shawn Michaels.

William Regal is dressed as Simon Cowell for WWE Idol. First up, JBL and Michael Cole are here, in costume, to sing a Hall and Oates song. JBL isn’t impressed and yells, but Maria and Ron Simmons pop up for a distraction. Their date is next week, so here is Santino Marella to complain. He has a plan though: sing a song so romantic that Maria will come back to him. They leave, so Simmons gets to hear JBL and Cole sing Rich Girl. Cole asks Simmons about his favorite 80s band. Simmons: “WHAM!”

Here is Cryme Tyme and they have a special deal for us tonight: Lilian Garcia’s chair! Cryme Tyme even autographs it and get….$1000! That’s not too bad, and they get a match too.

Cryme Tyme vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title and joined in progress with Shad in the wrong corner and getting chopped rather loudly. Some knees to the ribs set up a chinlock until Shad powers up to drive Murdoch into the corner. The hot tag brings in JTG to clean house, with a legdrop getting two. Everything breaks down and there’s a high/low to JTG…but Shad BLASTS Murdoch in the back with the chair for the DQ.

Rating: C-. They barely had enough time to make this go very far but at least they did something to make Cryme Tyme look good. The stealing/selling stuff is an idea and it fits their characters rather well. Odds are we are going to get a title match out of this sooner than later and that should make for a good pay per view showdown.

More Randy Orton, this time taking out Rob Van Dam.

HHH is back at Summerslam.

Snitsky vs. Robbie

Pumphandle slam finishes Robbie in about 20 seconds.

Post match Snitsky beats up Rory as well.

Vince McMahon talks to Coach about how he challenged himself to do it in every state, including in a corn field in Nebraska and on an iceberg in Alaska. Coach says they could do a DNA test of all the wrestlers but that would take a few weeks. Instead, they could go over his dalliances and cross reference them to know more by this weekend’s Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Cody Rhodes pops up to say he knows who his father is and gives Vince a condom, just in case. Vince tells Coach to remind him to sue Trojan’s magnum division…and here’s Boogeyman to sing Cat’s In The Cradle, which is about spending time with your father. Coach: “He does appear to have your eyes.”

And now, WWE Idol. We have a panel of judges, including William Regal, Maria (who judges host Todd Grisham because she thinks he’s a contestant) and Mick Foley (“I will do almost anything for money”). The first contestant is Jillian Hall (who has Mick’s attention), who sings her own version of Memories from Cats. Mick is glad he lost part of his ear, Maria says her singing was……well she looks really pretty! Regal: “Perhaps I should change tonight’s main event to Roe vs. Wade because that was an abortion.”

Next up is Nikolai Volkoff/the Iron Sheik (with Howard Finkel), singing the Russian National Anthem. Granted Sheik doesn’t actually sing but Maria stands up. Regal: “It’s a shame that Sheik didn’t lose his voice in this building like he lost the WWE Title!” Sheik yells about Regal joining Vince McMahon’s special club and Regal is AGHAST. He ejects Regal so here is Lilian Garcia to sing New York, New York.

Santino Marella interrupts, saying New York is missing a prostitute. He sings That’s Amore, which Foley says was almost as painful as watching Marella wrestle. Santino tells Maria that they’ve leaving but she isn’t done judging. Cue Ron Simmons to beat Santino up, which is enough music to Regal’s ears to name him the winner. This was WAY funnier than the Dating Game and Regal’s lines were amazing.

Video on Randy Orton taking out Dusty Rhodes.

Cody Rhodes vs. Charlie Haas

Shelton Benjamin is at ringside. Cody grabs a rollup for an early two but Haas snapmares him over for a kick to the back. The neck crank goes on before Haas starts going after the arm. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Haas goes with an overhead belly to belly for two instead. Another chinlock is broken up and Rhodes grabs a hot shot. Rhodes hammers away and hits a dropkick (JR: “Cody learned that from his mother!”), setting up a high crossbody for two. With that not working, Cody grabs a small package for the pin.

Rating: C-. This is the way to build Rhodes up as he needs to prove that he can get a few wins. Haas isn’t hurt by a loss, especially in a singles match, and Rhodes gets a boost. It’s such an easy and logical way to go but for some reason it seems lost on so many promotions. In other words, follow the Cody model.

It is time for King Booker’s official coronation, with Jerry Lawler having to crown him after losing to Booker last week. Booker orders Lawler to put the crown on, dropping the accent as Lawler takes too long. Lawler doesn’t like being told that Booker is the only true king, so there will be no crowning. As a bonus, he has been talking to the bosses, and Booker will be having a match at Summerslam, against this man. We see a HHH video and Booker is not happy. The fight is on and Booker CLOCKS Lawler with a TV monitor.

Post break, Lawler is being tended to by medics and Todd Grisham takes his place.

Summerslam rundown.

Randy Orton took out Sgt. Slaughter too.

Here is Randy Orton for a chat before the main event. John Cena is having the longest WWE Title reign in nearly twenty years, but Orton ends careers. He is taking the title, but he is also going to end Cena’s career for good.

Randy Orton/Carlito vs. John Cena/Umaga

It feels like they hit the Random button to set this up. Orton and Umaga start, which is kind of a weird pairing. Umaga hammers him down in the corner but misses a charge so Carlito can come in. Everything breaks down for a bit and the villains are cleared out so we can take an early break. We come back with Cena pounding on Carlito until he charges into a raised boot in the corner.

Carlito sends him outside to keep up the beating and it’s back to Orton for the dropkick. A neckbreaker gives Carlito two and we’re off to the chinlock. Cena finally powers out of trouble but Orton isn’t about to leg Umaga back in. The knee drop misses though and it’s right back to Carlito, who actually wins a slugout. Orton grabs a chinlock of his own but Cena is right back up again. A backdrop sends Carlito flying and it’s Umaga coming in to clean house. The running hip attack hits Orton and Carlito’s Backstabber completely fails. Instead, Cena comes in for the FU to finish Carlito off.

Rating: C. This was a way to sit around waiting until we got to the big tag to Umaga. There was something to be said about watching Umaga clean house, as he is the kind of screaming wrecking ball monster that you don’t get to see too often. I don’t know if it is going to last long, but at least it worked well for one night.

Vince McMahon kind of liked going over all of his indiscretions with Coach, including one time with two flight attendants on a flight to Detroit. Then Linda McMahon comes in and tells Vince he no longer has a home to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The push towards Summerslam continues and you can see a lot of the card, but there are still some holes that need to be filled. I’m sure we’ll get some of those things covered next week, though it would have been nice to do some of them a little bit earlier. That being said, the McMahon stuff is enough to make up for some of the problems, as a big Vince story can be one of the best things WWE does. Another not great show, but Summerslam delivering could make up for a lot of these problems.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 6, 2007
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We have less than a month to go before Summerslam and that means we need to keep going towards John Cena vs. Randy Orton. Other than that, we might be seeing more of King Booker vs. Jerry Lawler, which actually didn’t wrap up after one week. Maybe we get something else set up this week, which might be a good idea. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Vince McMahon returned earlier today and wants the roster out in the arena. As a citizen of the United States, he will be exercising his freedom of expression tonight.

Opening sequence.

Here is the entire locker room, so Vince McMahon joins them. Vince says the last time he was on Raw, he was blown to smithereens. We see a clip of said blowing and said smithereens, which is how Vince wanted to go out. Why though? Well that’s because Vince wanted to stage his own demise so he could see how people felt about him. Vince is going to talk about some things he doesn’t like, such as the United States Congress and some members of his family. We’ll get to that later, because right now, we’re going to have a battle royal, with the winner becoming the new General Manager (Coach does NOT approve).

Battle Royal

Trevor Murdoch, Umaga, Beth Phoenix, Maria, Candice Michelle, Melina, Mickie James, Rory, Robbie, Jim Duggan, Sandman, William Regal, Mr. Kennedy, Super Crazy, Lance Cade, Val Venis, Paul London, Brian Kendrick, Carlito, Cody Rhodes, Shelton Benjamin, Shad Gaspard, JTG, King Booker, Daivari

That’s either everyone or almost everyone. Umaga scares off Phoenix, Maria, Michelle, Melina and James before throwing Murdoch out as well. Crazy, London, Robbie and JTG are all put out by Umaga in a hurry and Booker joins then due to excessive yelling at Jerry Lawler. Umaga tosses Gaspard as the ring is a lot more clear. We take a break and come back with Haas having been eliminated during the break and Rory joining him after the commercial.

Venis dumps Cade but gets knocked out by Umaga, who goes after Kendrick…and they eliminate each other in a weirdly sudden ending for the guy who had dominated so far. Kennedy is tossed as well as Umaga Samoa Spikes Haas on the ramp. We’re down to Sandman, Rhodes, Duggan, Benjamin, Carlito and Regal, the latter of whom is on the floor without being eliminated (uh oh).

Carlito and Benjamin get rid of Duggan and it’s time for the final four (or so) to pair off. Rhodes skins the cat to save himself but Carlito tosses him anyway. Sandman goes up for no logical reason, allowing Benjamin to run the corner and superplex him back down. Benjamin and Carlito go to the apron for a fight so Sandman knocks them out, only to have Regal come in from behind and toss Sandman for the win and the job.

Rating: C-. The best thing I can say about this is that it went by fast, but at the same time it had the most annoying battle royal ending imaginable. That being said, I can go with more Regal on TV every single week because he really is someone who could be used in a bigger way. Not much of a match, but a good result.

Post match Regal, who has one boot off, does some Hindu squats, because the ankle injury he claimed earlier in the match was A RUSE!

In the back, Coach is unhappy with Regal winning the match but Vince McMahon goes on a rant about the letters he has received from two different Congressional committees. He talks about President Benjamin Franklin before telling Coach that he is Regal’s assistant. Now get the Earl Grey ready.

Video on HHH, who is returning at Summerslam.

King Booker doesn’t like HHH calling himself a king because he is just a pretender. Jerry Lawler is a pretender as well, which Booker will prove when he beats Lawler tonight. That is why Booker has set up a ceremony next week at Madison Square Garden, where the loser has to crown the winner.

Snitsky vs. Rory

Pumphandle slam finishes Rory in less than thirty seconds.

Coach brings Vince McMahon a phone call from his counselor. Apparently the IRS is investigating Vince too, so the media will have a field day. Vince says the media and wrestling are both in the entertainment business. He storms off….and IRS is reading a newspaper.

Jillian Hall comes to the ring for her match and offers Lilian Garcia a chance to hear with her…but no one wants to hear Lilian sing. Jillian starts singing Hit Me Baby One More Time but gets cut off.

Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James

Mickie gets taken down for a double arm crank to start but flips her way to freedom in a hurry. A neckbreaker gives Mickie two but Jillian catches her on top. What would become the Skull Crushing Finale finishes James in a hurry.

Coach meets with William Regal….who wants him to set up the WWE version of the Dating Game. Oh and get him some tea.

It’s time for Carlito’s Cabana. Things went so well on the debut episode that he thought he would have the same guest this week. Cue John Cena, who looks rather serious as he gets in Carlito’s face. Carlito gets shoved into the chair and Cena is going to be hosting this himself. Cena interviews himself, saying that he isn’t happy with an apple being spat in his face last week.

We see a clip, with Cena asking himself about the other guy at ringside last week. That would be Randy Orton, so Cena says the Champ Is Here and still will be at Summerslam. Other than that, Cena has three reasons why he shouldn’t trash the show and beat up Carlito. After two jokes about Carlito’s sexual practices, the fight is on but here is Orton for a distraction. That doesn’t work so here is William Regal to say that Randy Orton and Carlito are going to get to pick Cena’s opponent tonight.

Post break, Carlito and Orton pick Umaga to face Cena tonight. The two of them leave and Vince McMahon thinks his wife and kids wanted him gone. That means he needs to get them back together and nothing can stop him.

Jerry Lawler vs. King Booker

Queen Sharmell is here with Booker and the loser has to crown the winner next week. Booker powers him into the corner to start but Lawler punches him out to the floor in a hurry. Back in and more right hands put Booker in more trouble but he knocks Lawler down for two. A kick to Lawler’s face sets up some stomping and we hit the overhand wristlock. Booker kicks him down again and the chinlock goes on. That’s broken up again and Lawler punches him out to the floor, where he punches even more. Lawler stops to glare at Sharmell though, allowing Booker to hit the ax kick for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was closer to what I was expecting last week, but Lawler had almost no fire throughout the entire thing. Booker winning was the only way to go with the big HHH match seemingly on the horizon. The ending just kind of came and went too, making this quite the weak match.

We look at Mr. Kennedy injuring Bobby Lashley last week.

JR tells us that Lashley needs shoulder surgery and will be out of action.

Here is Mr. Kennedy for a chat. Kennedy asks what Bobby Lashley is hearing right now. It is something everyone will be hearing from now on: KENNEDY! KENNEDY! KENNEDY! KENNEDY! KENNEDY! KENNEDY! KENNEDY1 KENNEDY! And we go to a break.

And now (oh boy) it’s the Dating Game. We have three eligible bachelors, Jim Duggan (who hides his wedding ring and has a massive piece of wood), Ron Simmons and Santino Marella, and a contestant, Maria. She gets to ask a bunch of questions, including why how Duggan does with managers. Duggan: “I won’t call you a HOOOOO!” Ron Simmons would make her SPAM in bed. Santino says it’s him, but Maria thinks it’s a bad impression.

Simmons is asked which war he would go back and end. Simmons: “NAM!” Santino accuses the other two of not liking babies and puppies, so Duggan tells him to go back to Italy and leave the good old USA, USA, USA! A fight nearly breaks out so Regal tells Maria to make her pick already. She picks Simmons, sending Santino into a panic. Simmons tells him to SCRAM but Santino wants Maria to leave with him. Cue Umaga to chase everyone off. This had a few funny lines (read as, anytime Simmons talked) and I could go for more Regal shenanigans, but it ran longer than it needed to.

Coach accepts a summons for Vince McMahon and upon seeing what it is, knows that he has to go find Vince.

John Cena vs. Umaga

Non-title. Cena hammers away to start but gets sent into the corner for a hard chop. A headbutt drops Cena again and Umaga hits an even harder shoulder. Cena pops back up with the Throwback but you don’t do that to a Samoan’s head, as Umaga nails a quick spinwheel kick. We take a break and come back with Cena fighting out of a nerve hold. Cena can’t get the FU, but he can manage to knock Umaga down and grab the STFU. Cue Carlito and Randy Orton for the DQ.

Rating: C. These two could have a good match in their sleep and this was probably the main part of many a house show main events. That being said, this was all about jumping Cena in the end so they didn’t quite get out of second gear. Nothing to see here, but Cena moving Umaga around is always pretty cool.

Post match, Carlito and Orton tell Umaga to go after Cena….but he lays both of them out instead. Cue Regal, to make Cena/Oomanga vs. Carlito/Orton for next week.

Vince McMahon is in the back and talks to some of the roster. He goes outside like he did on the night of the exploding limo (wrestling is weird) and walks to his white limousine, goes to close the door….and gets cut off by Coach. The papers from earlier say that Vince is being served in a paternity suit. There is another McMahon out there somewhere. Vince shakes his head to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not much to this one as it was mainly focused on two stories. The battle royal gave us a good result but the Cena vs. the world stuff was only so good. Summerslam didn’t get much attention this week but it seems that they are going to be focusing on Cena vs. Orton and not much else. They still have time to get somewhere with it though and it should all work out when some more stuff is added.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Smackdown
Date: July 27, 2007
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re done with the Great American Bash and we’re still living in the Great Khali’s world. Khali survived against Kane and Batista in a triple threat match and now we need a new challenger. By that it probably means one of the two, and since Kane got pinned, Batista would seem to be a likely option. Let’s get to it.

Here is the Great American Bash if you need a recap.

We open with a triple threat recap as Khali retains the title.

Opening sequence.

Batista vs. Deuce

Domino and Cherry are here with Deuce. Batista powers him down with as much effort as you would expect him to need and then does it again. Domino offers a distraction though and Batista gets kicked out to the floor. Back in and Deuce scores with a kick to the head before avoiding a charge to send Batista into the post. The armbar goes on for a bit but Deuce spends too much time trash talking, allowing Batista to hit a spear. Some clotheslines set up the shoulders in the corner and there’s the spinebuster. The Batista Bomb finishes Deuce off.

Rating: C. This was a heck of a lot more competitive than I would have bet on and that’s not the worst thing. Batista should have to break a sweat to beat a champion, even if it is Deuce. It might not have been a great match, but it makes sense to get Batista out there in front of the fans.

We look at Hornswoggle winning the Cruiserweight Title.

Jamie Noble is sick of people laughing at him for losing to Hornswoggle so tonight it is time for him to get the title back.

Michelle McCool likes to swim.

Cruiserweight Title: Hornswoggle vs. Jamie Noble

Noble is challenging but there is no Hornswoggle to start. With no champ, Noble checks underneath the ring but Hornswoggle pops up in the ring because of course he does. Noble gets back in so Hornswoggle can bite/kick his leg for some early annoyance. They head outside and Noble kicks the steps by mistake. Hornswoggle tricks him into missing a charge and it’s a dropkick for two on Noble. Back up and Hornswoggle gets tossed outside, where the chase is on. Noble manages to rib off Hornswoggle’s shoe…but falls and gets counted out. Somehow, Cole interprets this as a pin.

Rating: D. Somehow, this might make the title feel a bit more important than it has in months. Yes it was comedy and the champ made Noble look like an idiot, but I’ll almost take this over the lifeless matches that we had for such a long time. Hornswoggle is little more than a joke as champion but it’s not like the title has meant anything in a long time anyway.

Video on Rey Mysterio, who is on his way back.

We look at the Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero I Quit match where Chavo destroyed Rey’s knee to put him on the shelf.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Eugene

Apparently Eugene and Cole had a nice chat earlier today. Chavo goes after the knee to start and we hit the half crab to make it worse. That’s broken up and the bad knee means Eugene can’t get the airplane spin. Instead, Chavo can belly to back suplex him down and it’s back to the knee. The leg cranking is on and Chavo bends the knee around the rope. Chavo sends him face first into the corner and Eugene’s comeback is on, meaning the airplane spin can work this time. That’s enough for Chavo, who hits a quick brainbuster and the frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C-. It was about all you could get out of Chavo vs. Eugene with Chavo working on the knee to show he’s ready for the return of Rey Mysterio. Other than that though, it was little more than a squash with Guerrero never being in any serious danger. Fine enough to build Chavo back up though, assuming you can get invested in a Chavo Guerrero feud.

Ric Flair and Matt Hardy are ready for their tag match.

Jesse and Festus really love America.

MVP/Chris Masters vs. Matt Hardy/Ric Flair

Hardy starts with MVP but it’s off to Masters before anything gets going. Masters fights out of an early headlock and powers Hardy into the corner for a shot to the face. MVP comes in and stomps away in the corner but it’s quickly off to Flair for a bunch of chops. The villains are knocked outside for a breather and we take an early break.

Back with Flair working on MVP’s leg but a rope is grabbed in a hurry. Hardy comes in for a few shots and it’s right back to Flair for more chops. One of them knocks MVP over for the tag to Masters, who unloads in the corner. MVP’s running boot in the corner knocks Flair silly and it’s off to a hammerlock. Masters comes back in for a powerslam and an armbar but Flair fights up in a hurry. A kick to the face allows the hot tag to Hardy so house can be cleaned. The Side Effect gets two with MVP making a fast save. Not that it matters as the Twist of Fate finishes Masters (with MVP not bothering to make another save).

Rating: C+. Hardy gets a win back to start his rebuilding and that is a good idea. Ultimately, Hardy is probably not done with MVP and the title so it makes a lot of sense to put him in in a spot like this. Flair and Masters were just kind of there, but at least they did something to keep the match fresh.

Post match MVP says that doesn’t matter because he’s still the US Champion. Hardy brought everything he had at the Great American Bash and lost, because he can’t beat MVP at anything. Matt tells him to put his money where his mouth is and give him another title shot. MVP says the title is off the table but Matt can’t beat him at anything, from baseball to running to chess or anything else. That’s fine with Matt, who says he’ll pick a bunch of games and beat MVP every single time. Then MVP will have no choice but to give Matt a US Title shot. I think Matt’s logic might be a bit off there.

Chuck Palumbo loves motorcycles.

Mark Henry vs. Joey Blaylock

Henry runs him over without much trouble to start and adds a big boot. A powerslam and splash get two, with Henry picking him up. The bearhug finishes Blaylock in a hurry.

Post match, Henry says no man or beast can beat him and tosses Blaylock outside. That was such a bad beating that Henry beat the Blaylock out of him and turned the guy into Joey Ryan.

Raw Rebound.

Teddy Long and Kristal are talking wedding plans when Ron Simmons comes in. Long asks him to be the best man, which is good for a catchphrase and an emotional hug. The guys are off for some cigars and reminiscing.

Here’s the same video on the Great American Bash triple threat from earlier.

Edge had his torn pectoral muscle fixed and he still blames Kane.

Kane vs. Dave Taylor

Taylor isn’t scared and slugs away to start, earning himself a toss across the ring. Kane unloads in the corner and drops an elbow, only to get uppercutted some more. An armbar actually has Kane in a bit more trouble and Taylor pounds him into the corner again. Kane isn’t having that though and scores with a running clothesline, setting up the sidewalk slam. There’s the top rope clothesline and Kane hits the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C. Who would have thought that Taylor would give Kane a bit of a fight here? Taylor is someone who certainly does put in the effort every time he is out there and it gives you a match that is far better than you would expect. Kane seems primed for a big enough match at Summerslam, though I’m not sure who he could face.

Torrie Wilson has gone cowgirl for her mixed tag with Jimmy Wang Yang against Victoria and Kenny Dykstra. And no, apparently the shorts aren’t too short.

Torrie Wilson/Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Kenny Dykstra/Victoria

Victoria goes after Torrie before the bell but it’s Dykstra clotheslining Yang a few times to start instead. We hit the chinlock with a knee in Yang’s back as commentary talks about how Torrie looks. Yang fights up and hits a spinwheel kick, allowing the double tag to the women. Some clotheslines have Victoria in trouble but she comes right back with the spinning side slam for two. The double arm crank goes on but Torrie is back up with a swinging neckbreaker. Torrie has to crawl away from Dykstra though…and it’s off to Yang a few seconds later anyway. The moonsault press finishes Dykstra without much trouble.

Rating: D. They had a short and bad match as commentary talked about how great Torrie looked throughout. That’s about all you can expect here and I can’t say I’m surprised. It isn’t like there is anything else for them to do and Torrie wearing the outfit was there to be more fun and silly than anything else, which didn’t help the match that much.

It’s time for Great Khali’s World Championship celebration, complete with a bunch of dancers and music setting up his entrance. Khali and Runjin Singh come out, with Khali holding the title upside down again. Singh translates Khali’s yelling, which is bragging about all of his accomplishments. Now he is one of the greatest Indians of all time, like M. Night Shyamalan and Mother Teresa! It is time for Punjabi dancing but, after a good while, Batista interrupts. The challenge for a title match is on and a spear drops Khali to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t a very good show and I’m not sure I can see it getting better anytime in the near future. There was very little worth seeing on here and I don’t know how good things are going to be on the way to Summerslam. Edge being gone hurt things but it wasn’t like it was a great weekly show before his injury. It wasn’t a very good show, but it was more uninteresting than anything else.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 15, 2007
Location: Centurytel Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We are on the way to the Royal Rumble though you might not know it based on how the last few weeks have gone. Instead, the last few weeks have focused on various celebrities, or at least celebrity impersonators in last week’s case. The actual wrestling stories coming out of last week saw a likely rematch being set up between John Cena and Umaga for the Raw World Title, and Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the traditional Martin Luther King Jr. Day video. That’s a rather nice tradition for the show.

Here is John Cena to get things going and we’ve got a contract signing. Boss Jonathan Coachman brings out Umaga and Armando Alejandro Estrada and Umaga turns the chair over in a hurry. Coach has an idea to make the match special, so Estrada gets to pick the stipulation. Estrada doesn’t want another fluke win, so we’ll be having a Last Man Standing match.

Since Umaga is, you know, a savage, Estrada signs for him, but Cena says he must be crazy to do this. Well sure why not, so Cena signs and then dives onto Umaga to start the fight. They go to the floor and Cena hits him in the head with the steps. Back in and the FU puts Estrada through the table. Counting the King video and the opening, we are done with this segment about ten minutes into the show. I can absolutely go with that kind of efficiency for a contract signing.

Johnny Nitro/Melina vs. Jeff Hardy/Maria

Maria doing Jeff’s entrance dance is certainly a sight. Nitro bails from the threat of an early Twist of Fate attempt so it’s off to Melina. Maria comes in and bulldogs her out of the corner for two but Nitro trips her from the apron. We hit the reverse chinlock to put Maria down for a change but she counters a backbreaker into a headscissors. It’s off to Nitro so Maria kicks him in the shin, allowing Jeff to hit the Whisper in the Wind. Maria takes Melina outside, leaving Jeff to break up a superplex attempt. The Swanton is good for the pin on Nitro.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to do much but it was a fine way to advance both feuds, even if the men should have wrapped up. Maria isn’t going to be a serious competitor in the ring but at least she can do enough basic stuff to get by in something like this. Let the experienced people get in and do their thing and get out, which is exactly what they did here.

Vince McMahon calls Donald Trump but Trump’s secretary, who doesn’t know who Vince is, says he is having dinner. Vince starts to give out the number but looks at Coach and stops himself. Coach doesn’t seem to buy that Trump is going to call back.

Here is Rated-RKO for a chat but DX’s music interrupts them. The music turns into a flatline sound though, with Randy Orton saying that is what is happening to DX. Tonight they are taking out Shawn Michaels and HHH is already sitting at home recovering from a torn quadricep muscle.

Orton leaves to take care of something backstage while Edge talks about how Shawn’s TV debut took place near here, so him being destroyed makes sense. Edge goes to check on Orton….and they drag out a bloody Jim Duggan. Since Duggan might help Shawn later, we need a demonstration of what Shawn has coming for him. Duggan gets a Conchairto and here are the referees, just a few seconds late of course.

Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra

How many times are these guys going to fight??? Flair takes him into the corner for the chops to start and there’s a headlock takeover. Dykstra fights up and gets in a shot to Flair’s knee, setting up a Figure Four of his own. That’s broken up and Flair chops away before cutting off a charge with an elbow to the face. Flair goes up and actually hits something like a top rope clothesline for two. JR: “I think we just saw a moment!” Dykstra is right back with a rollup but gets caught grabbing the rope. Flair’s rollup with trunks gets two so he tries another and, this time with putting his feet on the ropes, gets the pin.

Rating: C-. And they’re done. Or at least they should be, as this feud has already gone on far too long. Flair took him to school here and got his win back. Now let the whole thing go and move on to anything else, because it wasn’t exactly an interesting feud in the first place. Dykstra is as midcard of a midcard heel as you can get so let’s move on to something else already.

Smackdown Rebound.

Shawn Michaels arrives and is told about what happened to Jim Duggan. That’s not what Shawn wanted but he only has one partner. He’ll do this alone tonight, but Ric Flair comes in to say he’ll fight with Shawn tonight. Shawn shakes his hand but still seems nervous.

Vince McMahon is still waiting on Donald Trump’s call but Coach suggests it might be Vince’s batteries. Vince: “There is nothing wrong with my batteries.” Coach asks Vince what the big deal is and Vince pulls out a letter that Trump sent him last week. The letter talks about how Trump is a big WWE fan but he didn’t like the Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell match last week. Trump will be watching this week and wants something better. Oh and watch the Apprentice on Sunday nights. Coach is a fan, but Vince would rather talk about the compelling television you are about to see.

Wrestlemania is coming in 76 days.

Here is Vince McMahon to give us compelling television and I’m as scared as you are. He knows Donald Trump wants compelling television so let’s look at Rosie vs. Trump from last week. Hold on though as we need to see it in SLOW MOTION. Vince sees a difference between himself and Trump: instead of asking the audience what they want and then giving it to them like Trump, Vince decides what his fans wants and then gives it to them (How in the world is that not a FAR more quoted line?).

Vince moves on to the Miss USA controversy, as she did something that meant she should lose her crown. It turns out that Miss USA is here tonight, so here is Torrie Wilson in a gown. Torrie reluctantly says she has been a bad girl and asks how she can make it up to Vince, America’s Favorite Billionaire.

Cue an angry Carlito to interrupt and say that Vince is not cool. Trump vs. Rosie sucked and this is brutal. Trump was right: Vince doesn’t know what people want and the fans want to see people fight. Vince likes that idea and is ready to go right now…but let’s have Great Khali do it instead. Carlito gets in a few shots until a big chop and the double chokeslam leave him laying. Vince: “Now that? That’s cool.”

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Victoria

Mickie is defending so Victoria pulls her down by the hair. That’s fine enough as Mickie jumps over her in the corner and does the same thing. Mickie gets draped over the top rope so Mickie can throw in a few spanks. That earns Mickie a trip to the floor and a baseball slide takes her out in a hurry. Back in and Victoria tosses her around by the hair and then stands on it for a bonus. Mickie cradles her for two so Victoria pulls on her leg. That’s broken up but the MickieDT is countered into the swinging side slam. Mickie is sick of this and hits a spinning kick to the face to retain.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t exactly their best work as it felt sluggish to go with all of the botches. These two are capable of having a good match because they have the chemistry together, but it just wasn’t clicking this time. This should end the feud, as Mickie can move on to Melina while Victoria can continue to be more talented than most of the women featured on the show.

We recap the contract signing.

Royal Rumble rundown….now with 25 names already entered into the Rumble. There is something to be said for the “throw everyone in at once” method.

Here is Chris Masters for a chat. He is ready for the Royal Rumble and the winner is standing before you. Masters pulls out a note while talking about how no one can break the Masterlock. The note is a signed document from Vince McMahon himself, which says that since JBL interfered in Iraq, the Masterlock has NEVER been broken.

The Masterlock Challenge is on again so here is Ron Simmons of all people to accept. Masters immediately starts backing off but Simmons shoves him down. The hold goes on and, after the usual escape tease….Super Crazy of all people comes in to jump Masters. Simmons watches as Crazy lays Masters out, meaning it’s catchphrase time.

Wrestlemania Recall: Rob Van Dam wins Money in the Bank.

JR confirms that Simmons did NOT break the Masterlock, due to Crazy’s interference.

Ric Flair has been attacked and laid out. Again. What is that, three times since Rated-RKO formed?

JTG vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shad Gaspard and Charlie Haas are here too. Shelton breaks up an early headscissors to start by hitting a shoulder breaker out of the corner. A hammerlock stays on the arm and Shelton sends it hard into the buckle. The referee has to yell at Shad as JTG fights back, only to get kicked in the face. Shad uses the distraction to unhook a turnbuckle pad so Haas complains, allowing Shad to break up a powerbomb attempt to give JTG the pin.

Ric Flair is on his way to the hospital so Shawn Michaels is rather upset. He superkicks Todd Grisham to blow off some steam.

We get a video with HHH talking about his quad injury and surgery. This goes on for a good while.

Shawn Michaels vs. Rated-RKO

Non-title. Before the match, Rated-RKO mocks DX’s intro and has security confiscate all of the DX signs. Shawn charges in and starts fast by sending both of them out to the floor. We settle down to Edge getting chopped in the corner until he rakes the eyes to escape. Orton comes in and gets hammered down in a hurry. Shawn is sent outside though and Edge blasts him with a running clothesline.

Back in and Edge hammers Shawn down without much effort to bust him open. Orton’s backbreaker lets Edge hammer away even more until we take a break. It’s back to Orton to get in some right hands of his own but Shawn flips over in the corner and nails a clothesline. Edge comes back in and spears Orton by mistake and Shawn has a chance.

The comeback is on with the forearm into the nipup into the atomic drop. Shawn’s top rope elbow connects but he can’t follow up right away. Sweet Chin Music is loaded up but Shawn has to jump Orton as he comes back in. Edge hits the spear and now it’s time for the chairs so the referee throws it out.

Rating: C. This worked out about as well as it could have as there was only so much that could be done here. Shawn can’t beat the champs on his own but you don’t want them beating Shawn because he has no partner and no real place to go if he loses. It wasn’t a bad match at all, but it was much more about finding a way out than anything else.

Post match the Conchairto is loaded up but Shawn nips it up into Edge’s face which is only slightly better than I remember seeing it live. Shawn fights back and finds the sledgehammer to knock Orton out. A Conchairto is loaded up and Orton is crushed to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m glad they have named most of the Royal Rumble entrants but the rest of the show was barely worth seeing. The contract signing worked, but it was one of those shows where it felt like they didn’t have much to do and jumped through the two hours as quickly as they could. While it isn’t a terrible show, it’s a totally skippable one (especially the Trump/Vince stuff), which tends to be the case until we get to the Rumble.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’ve always been a big Survivor Series fan and there is something great about seeing a milestone show with the 20^th edition. On top of that, we have three elimination tag matches for a change and the card looks pretty awesome. Then again that has been the case with several shows before and you never know if it is going to live up to the hype. The big non-elimination match is Batista vs. King Booker for Book’s Smackdown World Title so let’s get to it.

The opening video briefly talks about the anniversary before moving on to a traditional hype video looking at the big matches.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Legends: Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Dusty Rhodes, Ron Simmons

Spirit Squad: Kenny, Johnny, Mikey, Nicky

Arn Anderson and Mitch are at ringside. The Squad has been insulting Flair and the rest of the legends so it’s time to go to school. Simmons is replacing the injured Roddy Piper and scares Mikey down to start. A powerslam drops Mikey again and it’s a bunch of clotheslines to take the rest of the Squad down. Mitch offers a distraction though and Simmons goes out after him.

The stalking and watching Anderson beat up Mitch take a bit too long though and Simmons gets counted out. Simmons takes Mitch to the back with him and Anderson is ejected (with the fans NOT approving). That means Nicky gets to come in and request a salute from Slaughter, who works on his arm instead. It’s off to Flair for some shots of his own before handing it back to Slaughter for the cobra clutch. Kenny gets in a kick to the back of Slaughter’s head though and the mostly out Nicky gets the pin.

Dusty comes in for the Bionic Elbow to get rid of Nicky and it’s 3-2. Some jabs get Dusty out of the corner but a rollup is enough to finish him off. That leaves Flair alone against Kenny/Mikey/Johnny but Flair grabs a rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin. A small package gets rid of Kenny, meaning Flair can chop Johnny and put him in the Figure Four for the fast tap. Flair beat the last three of them in about two minutes.

Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t the point here of course and it isn’t like the Squad means anything in the first place. Flair can beat all of these guys without breaking a sweat and he came pretty close here. The team almost has to be done now and that is going to be better for Raw at this point. The idea wasn’t going to work no matter what they did so to get as much as they did out of them is impressive enough. Pretty bad in-ring stuff, and that was never the point.

Post match the big beatdown is on with no one coming out for the save.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero for Benoit’s US Title. Benoit thinks that Chavo and Vickie Guerrero are taking advantage of Eddie Guerrero’s estate but they told him to stay out of their business (a fair point). Chavo beat Benoit up and tonight he can win the title.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo, with Vickie, is challenging. Benoit starts very fast with a slam into a backbreaker for two, followed by easily winning a strike off. A snap suplex and slam get two each on Chavo as JBL says Chavo made Rey quit like a little girl. I’m almost scared to imagine when/how JBL made a little girl say she quit. Chavo comes back with a series of strikes and sends Benoit hard into the post.

There’s a Saito suplex for two and the armbar goes on. Benoit gets creative with a Samoan drop to escape but Chavo dropkicks him right back down. A suplex sets up the frog splash for two but Chavo stops to yell some more. Benoit fights up again and knocks Chavo away for a needed breather so Vickie gets on the apron. After dealing the pesky manager, it’s the Crossface to retain the title.

Rating: C. That is pretty much it for Chavo being seen as anything serious as he loses the big showdown after Benoit kicks out of his finisher. What other reason is there to buy into him at this point? Chavo was not exactly a can’t miss prospect here anyway and it’s ok for him to not win, but this should wrap it up on him being seen as a serious villain, at least for the time being.

Lita, with Edge, affirms that she is still retiring after her title match against Mickie James no matter what. Edge makes fun of Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb while Cryme Tyme sneaks in and steals a box. Edge rants about DX as Cryme Tyme sneaks out of the room.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending and gets driven into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs to start. Some kicks to the ribs slow Mickie down and Lita counters a headscissors out of the corner by slamming Mickie down on her face (the simple ones always work). The fans deem Lita a “crack w****” as she gets some near falls. With the chant down, Lawler is right there with more jokes about Lita as the bodyscissors has Mickie in trouble.

Lita misses a splash of all things, sending Lawler into the joy of hope over a wardrobe malfunction. Mickie kicks her in the face for two but the hurricanrana out of the corner is countered into another faceplant. The Litacanrana gets two but the DDT is countered with a grab of the rope. They trade rollups for two each until Mickie hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was about what you would expect from a big Raw showdown but what matters is passing the torch (which Mickie has held before). The bad thing here was the amount of jokes at Lita’s expense, as commentary laid it in even thicker than usual. I know she’s leaving, but WWE can be rather cruel with these things at times, which was the case here.

Post match Lita insists on being called the greatest of all time but has to rant at the fans for disrespecting her so much. Cue Cryme Tyme with the box, sending Lita further over the edge. It’s time for a “ho sale” but it’s cash only. First item up is some yeast infection medicine, followed by some underwear (which JBL wants to smell before buying). Something that vibrates goes for $25 and finally, Lita’s box (it’s cheap and wide) is a hot item to wrap it up. Kind of a cruel way to go, but at least it saves them the cost of a trash bag (April 2021 reference for those of you reading this in 3847).

Earlier today, Batista wouldn’t answer any of Michel Cole’s questions. After a clip of the beatdown on Smackdown, Batista says he’s leaving as champion.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

DX: HHH/Shawn Michaels/Matt Hardy/CM Punk/Jeff Hardy

Rated-RKO: Edge/Randy Orton/Gregory Helms/Mike Knox/Johnny Nitro

The fans are way into Punk so HHH lets him ask if they are ready. The bell rings and HHH has Kelly Kelly get on the apron for a better view (while covering Shawn’s eyes of course). The distraction lets Shawn hit the superkick for a fast pin and elimination. Shawn chops away at Nitro and hands it off to Jeff to knock him down as well. Helms comes in to take Matt down and it’s Edge coming in as well to stomp away.

The villains start taking turns on Matt, who has to cover up from Nitro’s right hands to the head. Matt kicks him away and brings Punk in, much to the fans’ delight. Matt’s neck snap across the top sets up a Rock Bottom into the Anaconda Vice to eliminate Nitro. Orton dropkicks Punk down and Helms takes over with a front facelock to keep him on the mat for a bit.

The yet to be named Codebreaker connects for Helms and the RKO gets two with HHH making a save. It’s back to HHH for the jumping knees to the face as everything breaks down. Jeff and Shawn hit some dives onto the floor, leaving HHH to bust Helms’ spine. The Twist of Fate into the spinebuster gets rid of Helms and it’s Rated-RKO against all five members of the other team. Rated-RKO try to leave but get thrown back inside for Poetry in Motion into Sweet Chin Music to get rid of Edge. Another superkick into the Pedigree finishes Orton for the win.

Rating: D+. How weird is it to see a squash in a Survivor Series elimination match? Granted the talent on one side was completely nuts but my goodness man. This was completely one sided and I’m not sure how wise that was. Rated-RKO were decimated here, Helms’ title somehow lost even more value and Nitro was just a guy. It was fun, but I’m not sure if this was the smartest move.

We recap Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Kennedy is the latest young guy to go after Undertaker and say he is the new big star. This time Kennedy even managed to bust Undertaker open with his microphone so tonight it’s a First Blood match, which seems like a nice way out of having someone take a fall.

Mr. Kennedy is ready for his match but MVP gives him a pep talk anyway.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

First Blood. Kennedy hammers away to start and gets knocked over the top for his efforts. Undertaker sends him face first into the announcers’ table and then throws Kennedy over it for a bonus. Some headbutts have Kennedy in pain and there’s a big boot to to drop him again. Kennedy is back up with a whip into the steps but gets posted to cut that off in a hurry. Back in and Undertaker hits a top rope superplex but Kennedy is back with a low blow.

Undertaker doesn’t seem to mind and kicks away at the ribs before hammering away in the corner. Another low blow slows Undertaker down but Kennedy’s nose is busted. Cue MVP to towel Kennedy’s blood off….and throw Kennedy back inside as payback for Kennedy doing the same thing on Smackdown. Kennedy hammers away but here is MVP with a chair, which hits Undertaker by mistake (in theory) to bust him open. The referee finally sees it to give Kennedy the win.

Rating: C. The ending sets up a few more things, including MVP’s complete and utter destruction. Much like MVP winning the cage match against Kane on Smackdown, this is the kind of win that helps make Kennedy look that much more important. Of course it would be better to have Undertaker get pinned, but that isn’t something that happens very often so take what you can get here. Granted that’s Undertaker beating Kennedy up for most of the match and then getting cheated at the end, though I doubt Kennedy would mind.

Post match Kennedy brags about the win and talks a lot of trash, allowing Undertaker to wrap a chair around Kennedy’s head. Kennedy is busted open and Undertaker gives him a nasty Tombstone. The gloves come off and some bare knuckle punches have the bloody Kennedy bleeding even more. The referee drags him off.

Queen Sharmell gives King Booker a pep talk so Booker can monologue about how this is it for Batista.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Cena: John Cena, Bobby Lashley, Rob Van Dam, Kane, Sabu

Big Show: Big Show, Finlay, MVP, Test, Umaga

Cena avoids Umaga’s charge to start and sends him outside. Everything breaks down and Umaga hits Cena in the ribs with a TV monitor for the fact DQ. We settle down to Test elbowing Van Dam in the corner and planting him down so MVP can come in with the chinlock. Van Dam, with his nose bleeding, fights up and scores with the spinning kick to the face.

More kicks put all of the villains down and it’s Kane kicking MVP in the face. The Five Star gets rid of MVP but Test is right there with the big boot to eliminate Van Dam. Test sends Sabu outside but Lashley nails a spear, allowing Sabu to hit a tornado DDT for the pin. Show comes straight in to chokeslam Sabu for the pin as these eliminations are flying by. The Leprechaun comes out to give Finlay the Shillelagh and a shot to the head rocks Kane, setting up a chokeslam so Big Show can get rid of him too.

So it’s Cena/Lashley vs. Show/Finlay with Show powerslamming Cena in a hurry. Finlay comes in to stomp away but Cena gets in a knockdown of his own. That’s enough to bring in Lashley and everything breaks down again. A double clothesline drops Show but here’s the Leprechaun, who is thrown onto Cena. The distraction lets Lashley spear Finlay down for the pin and we’re down to 201. Cena manages to DDT Show and there’s a double suplex to put him down again. The finishing sequence is initiated and the FU finishes Show.

Rating: D+. his match, which featured eight eliminations, is now the longest match of the night at about twelve and a half minutes. I’m not sure why we need to go that short with everything but it has been a problem with almost everything on the show. Cena and Lashley teaming up to take out Show worked, but was there really any need for five eliminations in less than two minutes?

We recap Batista vs. King Booker for the Smackdown World Title. Batista had to vacate the title earlier this year due to an injury in this very building. It is his missing to get it back but Booker isn’t going it up so easily. If Batista loses, he can never challenge Booker for the title again.

Smackdown World Title: King Booker vs. Batista

Batista is challenging and starts fast by jumping him before the bell. They get inside to officially start the match with Batista hammering away in the corner. The threat of a Batista Bomb sends Booker bailing to the floor and the fans aren’t pleased. Back in and Batista hammers away even more but a hot shot gets Booker out of trouble. A catapult sends Batista throat first into the bottom rope and Booker stomps away even more.

Booker pokes him in the eye but you don’t need two eyes to hit a side slam for two. They head to the apron for a slugout with Batista knocking him back in. Sharmell grabs the leg though and Booker kicks him out to the floor again. Back in and Booker pounds him down into a chinlock as Cole asks JBL what it feels like to try and get the title back. JBL: “I’m not a loser Michael. Bring up something else.”

Batista fights up and hits the clotheslines into a big boot to send Booker outside. That means a whip into the steps, followed by a top rope shoulder (dang) for two back inside. Booker is right back with a Bookend for two but Batista is up with the Batista Bomb. They’re right next to the rope so Booker saves himself, allowing Sharmell to hand him the title. A Sharmell distraction doesn’t work though as Batista ducks the shot and takes the belt away. Batista’s belt shot is enough for the pin, the title, and the energized celebration.

Rating: D, This really didn’t work and the ending was stupid. How much of a conqueror does this make Batista, when he needed a belt shot to beat Booker? It’s a reclaiming the glory story and that should work, but the lack of drama didn’t help anything. Pretty awful main event with the main bright spot being the fact that they didn’t go long here. It’s the longest match of the show at less than fourteen minutes and it felt every one of them.

Batista celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. For a show that looked pretty fun on paper, this wound up being a nearly complete miss with nothing worth seeing, a bunch of matches that felt rushed, and a World Title change in the end that was about as lame as possible. These Survivor Series matches are supposed to be about hanging in there over a grueling match, but Finlay and Benoit had a match on Smackdown that was longer than anything here. It wasn’t the worst show, but someone needs to teach them how to Survivor Series.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

IMG Credit: WWE

SuperBrawl I
Date: May 19, 1991
Location: Bayfront Arena, St. Petersburg, Florida
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Dusty Rhodes

I haven’t looked at some early WCW in a long time so hopefully it lives up to the rather low expectations. This is the first show of the series and is taking place in May instead of the regular February. The main event is Ric Flair vs. Tatsumi Fujinami for both the WCW and NWA World Titles, because that was still a thing back then. Let’s get to it.

The opening video has a bunch of American and Japanese flags, to show you what the entire point is.

As usual, I must ask, WHY IS THE BIG WCW LOGO TILTED JUST A BIT???

Singer Randy Brown performs America the Beautiful, because WCW thinks we need some mostly unknown singer at every pay per view.

Dusty Rhodes is VERY excited about the World Title match so I might as well get this out of the way here.

The WCW and NWA World Titles were separate belts but represented by the same champion for a few months. In other words, yes Flair was the NWA World Champion, but not one mentioned that in America, where he was only billed as the WCW World Champion. They mentioned it in Japan though, and back in March, Tatsumi Fujinami beat Flair in a match for only the NWA World Title.

However, since that wasn’t a thing in America, WCW said that Flair was still World Champion because he was thrown over the top rope. In Japan, Fujinami was billed as champion because he pinned Flair, making it title for title at SuperBrawl. WCW billed it as only Flair defending in a rematch, because WCW and the NWA liked making things WAY more complicated than they should have been time after time after time (and on top of THAT, commentary in March said that Fujinami’s IWGP World Title was on the line but it was never mentioned to the live crowd).

And yes, I did have to write that about three different times so I could make any sense of the whole thing.

US Tag Team Titles: Fabulous Freebirds vs. Young Pistols

The titles are vacant coming in due to the Steiner Brothers winning the World Tag Team Titles. The Freebirds have manager Diamond Dallas Page (with one of the Diamond Dolls) and Road Boss Big Daddy Dink because they needed a three person entourage. Page has a headset microphone and talks a lot of annoying trash, showing why he would have a job for a long time to come.

Steve (Armstrong, of the Armstrongs) starts with Michael Hayes and an early rollup gives Armstrong two. Everything breaks down in a hurry with the Birds being sent outside and taken down by a double clothesline from the apron. Back in and Dink trips Steve down so the Birds can take over for a change. Cue Brad Armstrong (Steve’s brother) to even things up a bit as there are WAY too many people involved here.

Thankfully the referee gets rid of everyone but the people actually in the match and it’s Steve slipping under a double clothesline for the hot tag to Tracy (Smothers) who clears the ring in a hurry. Back in and a double shoulder gets two on Jimmy Garvin (that hair is amazing) so it’s already back to Hayes. That means a lot of walking around and clapping, because Hayes REALLY likes doing that quite a bit. A low bridge puts Tracy on the floor and Garvin drops him onto the barricade for a nasty looking crash.

Tracy gets knocked off the apron a few more times before Garvin knees him in the head back inside. Hayes gets in a left hand to the head to drop Tracy again but a superkick (nowhere near a big deal in 1991) puts Garvin down. It’s off to Armstrong to clean house as everything breaks down again. The Birds avoid missile dropkicks but get clotheslined outside in a heap.

Back in and a Hart Attack (elbow instead of clothesline but close enough) off the top drops Hayes and a dropkick version does the same to Garvin. The referee gets bumped in the process though and here’s a masked man in a feathered suit (complete with FANTASIA on the chest) to DDT both Pistols to give the Birds the pin and the titles at 10:21.

Rating: C-. This was a bit disjointed due to a lot of stalling from the Birds, plus all of the interference was kind of a distraction. That being said, at least they had a hot ending with the Birds cheating (as they were known to do) to win the titles. The Pistols looked good though and it’s easy to see why they were around as long as they were.

Ricky Morton vs. Dan Spivey

This was during the period where Robert Gibson was injured and Morton was wrestling on his own. Spivey wastes no time in throwing him around and sending Morton outside. It works so well that he does it again, followed by a DDT to drop Morton back inside. A clothesline gives Spivey two and there’s a Razor’s Edge to keep Morton down. Morton’s crossbody is countered with a fall away slam and a legdrop gets two. Spivey gets rolled up for two so he powerbombs the heck out of Morton for the pin at 3:12.

Rating: D+. Total squash here with Morton’s offense coming in the form of a rollup. Spivey was a monster who always seemed like he could be something but he never broke through to the next level. When he can do something dominant like this though, you can see why he kept getting chance after chance.

Z-Man and Missy Hyatt are here. Z-Man is injured but will be back soon. As for Missy, she is going to be in the dressing room for interviews tonight. She tried this at WrestleWar and got chased off by Stan Hansen. Missy promises an improvement tonight.

Nikita Koloff vs. Tommy Rich

Rich hits an early crossbody for one so Koloff glares at him a bit. The early feeling out process continues with Rich’s headlock so Koloff sends him into the buckle. Some forearms to the back and an elbow to the ribs get two on Rich but he’s back with right hands in the corner. The spinning high crossbody misses though and the Russian Sickle finishes Rich at 4:07.

Rating: D. Another squash here as Koloff is moving forward towards the US Title that commentary mentioned half a dozen times here. It’s just such a weird sight to see so many squash matches like this on a pay per view. I know it’s a different time and this was normal, but I feel like I’m paying to watch a weekly TV show.

Here are Teddy Long and newcomer Johnny B. Badd, who promise to knock out PN News. Johnny gets in his classic line of “I’m so pretty I should have been born a little girl.” to mess with Schiavone’s head.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Terrance Taylor

Taylor is part of the York Foundation, a corporate group with Alexandra York (Terri Runnels/Marlena) and security guard Mr. Hughes. The idea is that York has a computer which tells her how her wrestlers can win her matches, which is something that sounds interesting in theory. Unfortunately that’s the extent of its usefulness: in theory. Taylor shoves him into the corner to start but we pause for a word from the computer.

A shoulder puts Taylor on the floor for more consultations as Dustin is getting annoyed. Back in and Dustin takes him down with an armdrag as Dusty is proud of his son. Taylor slips out and let’s check that computer again, allowing Dusty to say Dustin is getting flustered. Dustin wins the slugout and headlocks Taylor down for a breather. As you might have expected, Taylor stalls again on the floor as JR wonders if they’re going to overload the computer.

Back in again and Dustin gets one off a suplex but misses a crossbody (after looking like he nearly fell running the ropes) and falls out onto the ramp. A suplex brings him back in for one but Taylor dives into the raised boot in the eternally dumb looking spot. Dustin grabs the bulldog, drawing York up to the apron. Hughes grabs Dustin and loads up a glove but hits Taylor by mistake, giving Dustin the pin at 8:05.

Rating: C. The computer stuff was fine for a midcard gimmick but it got annoying here as they kept doing it over and over. Dustin was going to get a strong push around here due to all of his potential and his dad being in charge of the place, but at least he could do a lot of good things in the ring.

The announcers talk about the live bears that are about to come to the ring. Yes, this is indeed a WCW show.

Black Bart vs. Big Josh

Bart is an evil cowboy who was around forever. Josh is a woodsman better known as Matt Borne, the original Doink. And yes, he does come out with some rather large bears (Ring announcers: “Along with a couple of buddies!”). To be fair, I liked Josh back in the day so they might have been on to something.

Rating: D-. This was unbearable for the most part as it was a sloppy brawl with neither looking good. I can see why Josh is someone they wanted to push for the sake of making kids smile, but my goodness this was a terrible match and it’s probably about as good as the two were going to be able to do.

Here’s Paul E. Dangerously, in a pink shirt, shorts and a cowboy hat, for his Danger Zone interview segment. After mocking the microphone for not working, here’s Stan Hansen as his rather angry guest. Heyman says the hat makes him a real cowboy and Hansen looks ready to kill him. With the tobacco dripping out of his mouth, he wants to talk to all of the young guys who won’t fight him tonight, including Dustin Rhodes. And that’s it, with Hansen leaving so Heyman can talk about the rest of the card until his microphone dies.

With that out of the way, we get the huge entrance for OZ, complete with the Great Wizard (who the ring announcer points out is NOT the Wizard of Oz), Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion. They get up to the big castle set where they find Oz, in his big green robe with a horned hat, who promises to show them who Oz really is. Great Wizard (Kevin Sullivan), over and over again on the way to the ring: “WELCOME TO OZ! WELCOME TO OZ!”

Oz vs. Tim Parker

Emerald City Slam (James Storm’s Eye of the Storm) ends Parker at 25 seconds. This is one of the all time great disasters, as WCW was told to do something with the fact that Turner had acquired the rights to the Wizard of Oz. Next up was supposed to be Rhett Butler from Gone With The Wind, and no I’m not kidding.

Missy tries to get another interview and finds Terry Taylor, who says this isn’t it for the York Foundation and Dustin Rhodes. That doesn’t interest Missy but she thinks Z-Man might be in the shower. Instead it’s Stan Hansen, who apparently wears his underwear in the shower. From walking to the ring and talking a lot??? Stan chases her off again.

Brian Pillman vs. Barry Windham

Taped fist match. Windham shoves him down to start and that doesn’t please Brian at all. Pillman takes him into the corner and hammers away with Windham asking the referee if Pillman knows the rules. Some right hands to the ribs slow Brian down but he’s fine enough to dropkick Windham off the top for a big crash. The top rope right hand to the floor drops Windham again but he posts Pillman to shut that down. They’re already both busted as Pillman is sent onto the ramp, allowing Windham to drop him face first onto the barricade. Pillman gets back to his feet and Dusty is VERY into this. Back in and Pillman scores with a spinwheel kick and some chops with the sweat flying off of Windham’s chest. More chops rock Windham but he’s grabs a belly to back suplex. They hit heads for a double knockdown and it’s Pillman heading up top. That earns him a quick low blow though and Windham superplexes him for the pin at 6:09.

Rating: C+. They were beating the heck out of each other in there but the match never really got into another gear. That being said, their feud wasn’t all that great in the first place as Pillman didn’t really win any of the bigger matches and jobs again here. What exactly were they expecting him to get out of the feud after Windham beat him time after time?

Diamond Dallas Page gets an interview, though only after he asks everyone in the back to shut up (politely) and then asks if we are live, because WCW can never get their production right. He promised to bring gold back to the Diamond Exchange and that is what happened earlier tonight with the United States Title.

Page throws us to a pretaped interview with Sting and Lex Luger, who are ready for an unreal match with their friends the Steiner Brothers. Back in the arena, Page brings out the latest addition of the Diamond Mine: the Diamond Stud, better known as Scott Hall (so yes, Hall and Nash both made their debuts on the same show in your forgotten trivia of the night).

Sid Vicious vs. El Gigante

Stretcher match. It’s so weird to see Sid, who is freaking huge, coming up to Gigante’s chin. Gigante offers a test of strength in a funny bit and then clotheslines Sid outside. Back in and Sid kicks at the leg but charges into a boot to the chest. The Claw finishes Sid at 2:12, because WCW has a weird definition of Stretcher match.

Post match it’s the One Man Gang and Kevin Sullivan coming in to jump Gigante as Sid walks away without touching the stretcher because WCW (and because he’s going to the WWF). Gigante puts Gang on the stretcher but Sullivan throws powder in his eyes. Some chain shots don’t do much to Gigante, who glares both of them off.

Ron Simmons vs. Butch Reed

In a cage with former Doom manager Teddy Long in a small cage above the ring. If nothing else, I get to hear the old Ron Simmons theme three times and that’s a rather appealing situation. Simmons punches him down in a hurry but misses a charge into the cage. He’s fine enough to grab a belly to back suplex but gets sent into the cage again. Reed gets in a few rams into the cage and there’s a rake of the boot over the face.

Simmons is busted open so Reed hammers away and then brags to Long. A middle rope ax handle to the head drops Simmons, who pops back up to send Reed into the cage. Reed does the same though and they’re both down again. It’s Reed up first with a piledriver and another ram into the cage, setting up the chinlock.

The fans get behind Ron but a swinging neckbreaker brings him right back down. Reed’s splash hits knees but he knees Simmons down without much trouble. A double clothesline puts both of them down so Long throws something down to Reed. Reed picks it up but walks into the spinebuster for the fast pin at 9:40.

Rating: C-. They were trying here but it felt more like a house show match than anything else. Simmons got beaten up for the better part of ten minutes and then hit a quick spinebuster for the pin. That’s not exactly thrilling but Simmons would be getting a rocket strapped to his back sooner rather than later and Reed was gone after this so it’s not like there was any other option.

Video on Sting/Luger vs. the Steiner Brothers. They’re both great teams (or at least one great team and one team of two very successful singles wrestlers) and this is THE match on the show, bar none. The video does a very good job of making this feel epic too so well done on getting the big one right.

World Tag Team Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Lex Luger/Sting

Luger (US Champion)/Sting are challenging and everyone is friendly here. Everyone shakes hands to start and it’s Luger vs. Rick to get things going. They fight over a lockup to start with Rick driving him into the corner and then wrestling Luger to the mat with ease. Back up and Rick sweeps the legs again as Luger can’t do a thing with him in the amateur stuff. Rick tries a flying shoulder and just bounces off of Lex, who snaps off a powerslam for two. This is one of those matches where you can feel the energy on everything they do and it’s an awesome atmosphere.

Rick is back with a belly to back suplex and a heck of a Steiner Line for two. There’s a backdrop to send Luger flying but he EXPLODES out of the corner with a clothesline of his own. The big gorilla press has Sting fired up and he comes in with a clothesline over the top, setting up the big dive to the floor, which wasn’t something you saw every day back in 1991. Back in and Sting hits that running bulldog of his before putting him upside down in the corner, ala Rick Steiner.

The Stinger Splash misses though and it’s off to Scott for a tiger driver. There’s the tilt-a-whirl to plant Sting, who pops back up with a hot shot. It’s back to Luger for a suplex before going back to Sting, who is quickly atomic dropped. A belly to belly superplex gives Scott two but he misses a clothesline and nearly falls onto the announcers’ table. Another suplex brings him back in for two and they seem to botch something, only to have Scott snap off something like a spinning northern lights suplex.

Luger knocks him down again and loads up the Rack, only to switch to a Russian legsweep with Scott almost landing on top of him. Rick comes in off the blind tag though and there’s the top rope bulldog into an elbow for two. Sting gets a tag that the referee misses and missile dropkicks Rick as everything breaks down. Luger and Rick hit heads and it’s a double tag so Sting can belly to back Scott.

A Tombstone plants Scott with Rick making a save. The ref gets bumped to the floor and Rick follows him out with Luger. There’s the Stinger Splash into the Scorpion Deathlock but here’s Nikita Koloff (with a shot from behind in one of those images that is burned into my memory from childhood) to hit Sting with a chain (though he was aiming for Luger) to give Scott the pin to retain at 11:10. The Steiners did not see Koloff interfere.

Rating: A. There are certain matches where you can just feel everything and that was the case here. This was presented as a special match and they lived up to the whole thing. The ending might seem cheap but you don’t want to change the titles, beat Sting or beat the US Champion so what else can you do but a dirty finish? Check this one out if you want to see four guys beating the heck out of each other and the fans being into every second of it. Outstanding stuff and there is a reason this match is considered one of WCW’s best.

In the back, Koloff says Sting was in the wrong place at the wrong time so here’s Sting for the brawl. They go out into the parking lot and the camera loses them.

TV Title: Bobby Eaton vs. Arn Anderson

Eaton is challenging and JR makes a big point of him having no partner or manager anymore, mainly because WCW boss Jim Herd HATED Jim Cornette (it was mutual) and the Midnight Express. They go to the mat a few times for a standoff so Eaton just pops him with a right hand to the jaw. Anderson is a good bit wobbly as he gets up to kick Eaton in the ribs.

Eaton comes out of the corner with a clothesline for two but gets launched off the top and down onto the ramp for a big crash. The piledriver on the ramp is countered into the backdrop though and a second backdrop puts Anderson inside again. The armbar stays on Anderson, who pops right up and wraps the leg around the post. Anderson works on the leg but Eaton fights up this time and sends Anderson face first into the turnbuckles about fifteen times in a row. A big right hand rocks Anderson again but the knee gives out to slow Eaton down.

Anderson is back on the knee with a crank and stomp, followed by the longer form crank. The Vader Bomb hits knees but Anderson snaps off that perfect spinebuster for two. Eaton punches him out of the air and hits a running neckbreaker to drop Anderson. It’s time for the Alabama Jam (top rope legdrop)…..as Windham and Pillman have the most random run in this side of a Russo show to brawl on the ramp. Anyway Eaton drops the leg and gets the pin at 11:49, which goes down as we look at Pillman and Windham (who never touched Anderson or Eaton) running away. It really is as random as it sounds.

Rating: C. The ending interruption really did come out of nowhere and feels insane. I liked the story they were telling here with Eaton fighting through the pain to finally win a singles title and you can’t argue with Anderson putting him over clean. Eaton was a great star on his own but he would drop the title later in the month to some newcomer named Steve Austin. They were trying here, but nothing was following that tag match and I think they knew it.

Tatsumi Fujinami’s manager Hiro Matsuda (who trained Hulk Hogan and Lex Luger among others) says they’re bringing the title back to Japan.

WCW World Title/NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Tatsumi Fujinami

I’ve lost track of which titles are on the line just from listening to the introductions so we’ll say it’s both for the sake of my sanity. Flair is in the classic black and white robe but WHAT IS THAT MUSIC??? He has one of the most iconic themes ever and they switched it??? There are two referees here (one from America on the floor and one from Japan on the floor) to make it even more confusing. Fujinami shoulders him down to start and it’s clearly in first gear so far.

Some chops rock Flair and a backdrop makes it worse as Fujinami can stomp away. The surfboard keeps Flair in trouble and Fujinami switches to a Boston crab to keep him screaming. We go old school with an Indian deathlock as Flair can’t get anything going here. A suplex finally gets Flair out of trouble but Fujinami is right back with a running forearm for two.

They go outside with Flair scoring with some chops, meaning it’s time to start in on the leg. A shinbreaker sets up an early Figure Four and Flair slaps him in the face with the hold on, which is rarely a good idea. Fujinami gets out and grabs a Scorpion Deathlock (Flair just can’t get away from that thing), sending Flair straight to the rope. A belly to back suplex drops Fujinami and Flair stomps away, setting up a WOO.

They head outside with Flair going into the barricade to draw some blood (yes, in a Flair match), meaning Fujinami has a fresh target. The staggered Flair falls back outside where he gets in a thumb to the eye but gets slammed off the top. The Octopus goes on and you can see the fans looking confused. Flair flips his way out but loses a slugout to knock him down again. A small package gives Fujinami two and we get a ref bump. The American referee comes in and Flair grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin to retain/win/whatever it is at 18:39.

Rating: C. The wrestling was fine but egads they misfired on the story here. Flair was a heel coming in, the title situation was a complete wreck and Fujinami isn’t known by the masses. Flair and Fujinami are both amazing performers, but there is only so much that you can do when you’re in this lame of a situation. Then again, given some of the horrible drek on this show, this was on the higher end of the show.

The announcers talk about the card and we look at the ending of the main event again.

Credits roll to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. That tag match is the ONLY thing that keeps this show from being a failure but there is only so much that can be done in an eleven minute match on a two hour and forty minute show. There is a great reason why WCW in 1991 is such a complete and utter nightmare and that’s what we had here. Horrible show here and run FAR away from this outside of the all time classic tag match.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

November To Remember 1994
Date: November 5, 1994
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1,000
Commentator: Joey Styles

This is one of the promotions I can’t escape no matter how hard I try. It’s a requested show that was just dropped on the Network a few weeks back and since it’s ECW’s flagship event, it’s probably worth a shot. In theory that is as ECW is one of the most unpredictable promotions in the world. Let’s get to it.

This must be the full version as we even see the ring announcer coming to the ring. He lists off some of the names on the card but only one specific match. In something that feels rather un-ECW, he throws some hats to the fans, followed by presenting an “extreme version” of the National Anthem. A guy in an event staff shirt plays the song on an electric guitar and this is always weird to see/hear.

It goes so badly that Paul Heyman and his bodyguard 911 break it up with 911 chokeslamming the guy. Heyman grabs the mic, complains that it doesn’t work, and has 911 chokeslam the guy again. We’re not ready to go yet though as Heyman sends 911 after the ring announcer. That means another chokeslam, with Heyman saying that the guitar playing was terrible and he always hated the ring announcing.

We’re STILL not done though as Heyman hits the announcer with his phone and has 911 hit another chokeslam. We hear Joey Styles asking if the mic is hot and if he is on as Heyman and 911 leave. The announcer has to do a stretcher job as the fans want CPR. We’re clipped to the announcer being taken out and now, over ten minutes in, it’s time for the opening match. I’m sure the live fans liked this but it just kept going.

JT Smith vs. vs. Hack Myers

Myers is something close to a biker and kind of a cult favorite. Smith is from Philadelphia but the fans don’t seem to like him very much. An early hiptoss and fall away slam on the much bigger Myers give Smith two but he misses a dropkick. Myers hits his left hands so the fans can shout SHAH on each one for some reason. A running splash to Smith’s back connects in the corner and it’s a legdrop across the bottom rope.

The first chair shot of the night has Smith in more trouble as we’re waiting on the comeback. That’s some great timing as Smith hits a dropkick on the floor and drops an elbow with the chair. Smith’s running splash sends them over the barricade as Joey talks about how extreme this is. Back in and they trade some rollups for two each, followed by Smith’s bridging northern lights suplex for the pin at 4:03.

Rating: C-. Just a match as Smith clearly didn’t have a future in the company. He was just a guy in trunks who could wrestle well enough and that’s not what this company is all about. Myers was popular but there is only so much you can get out of someone as standard as he was. This probably should have been a dark match but it wasn’t that bad.

Post match Joey again asks if the mic is hot and wants a mic stand.

Bad Breed vs. Pit Bulls

That would be Ian/Axl Rotten and the fight is on before the bell. Pit Bull #2 kicks away at Axl inside but Axl is right back with a clothesline. Ian is sent into the barricade and beaten down with a chair and #2 gets two off a suplex. #1 comes in for a snap suplex on Ian and a flying shoulder puts Ian down again. We actually get a tag to #2 (Was #1 ever legal in the first place?) and it’s right back to #1 for a slingshot shoulder. The SuperBomb finishes Ian at 3:09. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D. This was nothing and felt more like an extended segment than a match. The Pit Bulls were a hard hitting team though I never cared for them all that much. They’re far better than the crazy violent Rottens though and I’ll certainly take a short match rather than the nonsense stuff that they would do most of the time.

Post match Axl makes the save with a chain and the Bad Breed beats the Pit Bulls up.

Mr. Hughes vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

A midcard match on any indy show over a period of about seventeen years! Hughes shoves him away without much effort to start and then does it again to prove his point. Styles talks about how Undertaker found out that he can’t go toe to toe with Hughes and it’s so strange to hear another company discussed like this. I know ECW did it all the time but it’s still weird. The fans call Hughes the Shoe Shine Boy as Scorpio can’t get anywhere off a wristlock.

Hughes busts out a leapfrog of all things and starts stomping away to keep Scorpio in trouble. A big clothesline drops Scorpio again and it’s off to a neck crank. Scorpio grabs the tie for a breather and is promptly thrown into the air for a crash to the mat. Back up and some dropkicks put Hughes on the floor but Scorpio leaves a baseball slide VERY short. The fans catch onto it so Scorpio hits a quick dive to get them back. Hughes hits a side slam back inside and drops an elbow to the face for two. Scorpio is back up with some boots to the face out of the corner. The 450 finishes Hughes at 7:38.

Rating: D+. They told a simple story here and while it wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world, you could figure out exactly what they were trying to do. Scorpio is one of my all time favorites though and seeing a 450 in 1994 is insane. They did the comeback in a hurry and Hughes was a monster for Scorpio to slay, so it was a nice enough story. Not well done that is, but nice enough.

Post match Hughes destroys Scorpio and says that’s what happens when you mess with him. Hughes leaves and Scorpio calls him Mr. Shoe Shine Boy and says he just lost. The fight is on again for the second time in a row. Styles: “Can anyone stop Mr. Hughes???” Uh yeah, I think his name is Scorpio.

BUY OUR MERCHANDISE!

Tommy Dreamer vs. Tommy Cairo

Winner gets the name Tommy. Ok not so much but would that stipulation surprise you around here? Cairo is one of the holdovers from the old days of ECW and mocks the recently blinded Sandman (blinded by Dreamer in an accident). Dreamer is fighting for the Sandman and the fight is on with Dreamer going right at him while the music is on. A spinwheel kick puts Dreamer on the floor and Cairo hits another out there.

Dreamer gets in some chair shots and takes him back inside for a rather delayed piledriver. They head outside again with Dreamer being handed a canoe paddle. I’ve seen far weirder things around here. Cairo seems to miss a dive off the barricade as they fight into the crowd. A running wooden pallet shot drops Dreamer, who is right back up with a pallet shot of his own.

They get back inside with Dreamer hitting a neckbreaker and taking off his shirt (egads) for some choking. Cairo is right back up with a standing flapjack (I kind of like that) but stops to mock Sandman again. It’s Singapore cane time but Dreamer takes it away and canes him in the head. The blood starts to flow and Dreamer hits him low (with Joey’s voice going higher). Dreamer licks the blood off of his hand as Cairo is mostly dead, meaning the referee stops it at 8:23.

Rating: C-. This was much more of a wild brawl and that’s where it makes more sense. There is a story behind this one as Dreamer is fighting for Sandman, who had issues with Cairo. It ties into the backstory and that makes the violence mean something. That’s one of the places where ECW missed the point a lot of the time and it caught up to them, but it made sense in a situation like this one.

Post match Dreamer gets in a few more shots and Cairo isn’t moving, meaning it’s another stretcher job. Cairo isn’t being carried out though and walks off.

ECW World Title: Shane Douglas vs. Ron Simmons

Simmons is challenging and says he’s never liked this city, but he’s taking the title. The fans chant something negative about Ric Flair, much to Shane’s delight. Simmons goes straight after him but gets dropkicked down for an early two. Douglas gets chased to the floor and it’s time to hit the stall for a bit. Back in and Simmons headbutts him down in the corner, sending Shane back outside for another breather.

Shane is back in again with a crossbody as we hear about those cowards Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan not answering Shane’s open challenge for an ECW Title shot. The staredown is on outside with Shane hiding behind a photographer. Simmons swings at him (and over her) anyway, followed by a clothesline on the floor. Back in (again) and the powerslam plants Shane, followed by a gutbuster as the slow beating continues. A top rope splash misses so Simmons hits a chokeslam of all things. The fans want 911 but Shane is right back up with a crucifix to retain at 6:46.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here other than a minor novelty as, just like in Scorpio vs. Hughes, it was mostly one sided until the finish. It’s not a good sign that we’ve had the same match structure twice in about an hour but Heyman wasn’t always the most versatile in-ring booker of all time.

Post match the beatdown is on again with Scorpio running in to help Simmons beat Douglas down (Simmons being known as someone who needs help in fights) and hitting the moonsault. Simmons and Scorpio leave but Cactus Jack, who doesn’t like Shane, of all people comes out to check on him. Shane takes a LONG time getting out of the ring.

Here’s the still blind Sandman, helped to the ring by owner Tod Gordon, for a chat. Styles is choking up at how sad it is for Sandman to be like this. Gordon is sad as well, as a cameraman gets in the ring for a closeup but we stay on the regular shot, meaning we can see the whole cameraman but about half each of the other two (it looks like some bad student film).

Thankfully he leaves and Sandman talks about having to retire at 31, but he’s beaten the daylights out of Tommy Cairo and he’s taken Tommy Dreamer to an inch of his career. He wouldn’t change a thing though, even if he’s lost everything. One of the things he’s lost is his wife, which is all thanks to Nancy Sullivan (Woman). We hear about some of the things he’s done to his wife and Cairo, who stole her, can’t accomplish those same things.

Cue Sandman’s wife Peaches, who doesn’t know if she should slap him or kiss him. She says she’s changed a little since he last saw her, which he thinks means she’s put on weight. A reconciliation seems possible but here’s Nancy to interrupt. She wants to introduce her newest client but canes Peaches in the head first. Sandman punches Gordon by mistake and here’s Dreamer to calls Nancy off.

As Dreamer yells, Sandman takes the bandages off of his eyes and canes Dreamer because he is Nancy’s new client. That should be a heel turn but the fans seem rather pleased. Nancy mocks Dreamer’s recent emotional speeches about Sandman and Joey is aghast. Sandman gets in some whips with his belt as Nancy is having a ball gloating over this. Oh and in case it wasn’t clear: Nancy is managing Sandman. What we got here was good, though I can imagine it having a much stronger impact if I had seen all of the build.

Joey brings out Shane Douglas for a chat. Shane, holding a phone, talks about never feeling anything like what he has felt tonight. His career was unparalleled in ECW but then he saw entertainers in Chicago destroying what he spent fourteen years building. That would be a person named Terry Bollea, who is already on Social Security. Part of his success in ECW is because of blood, sweat and tears, but it was also due to a beautiful woman.

Tonight he fought someone who was the first black heavyweight champion but that means nothing to Shane. Then 2 Cold Scorpio got involved after Shane beat Simmons. Now it’s time to rebuild the Franchise and that’s why he has Sherri on the phone. He wants her back here two weeks from tonight and Sherri says it’ll be great to be with a man again. On top of that, he’s bringing in a partner to deal with Simmons and Scorpio: Stunning Steve Austin. Shane isn’t losing to an ex-WCW Champion.

Dean Malenko vs. Tazmaniac

Dean’s TV Title isn’t on the line and of course that is the future Taz, though he is still kind of a caveman here. He does have TAZ on his singlet though. We get Big Match Intros, including one for Dean’s manager Jason. They fight around the ropes to start with Taz taking him down and hammering away, setting up the first northern lights suplex. Dean is right back up with a release tiger bomb and the Boston crab goes on, with the fans seemingly grunting for Taz.

That’s broken up with some power so Dean stomps away instead. They trade full nelsons until Taz hits a t-bone suplex. Dean comes back with a victory roll for two but an attempt at a second is countered into a German suplex to put them both down. It’s Dean going up (Huh?) and getting crotched, only to elbow his way out of a German superplex attempt. Jason tries to get in a few cheap shots and gets whipped into the barricade for his efforts. The distraction lets Dean grab a towel to cover Taz’s face, which is enough for the pin at 5:40.

Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one as it was more of a collection of matches with a finish instead of anything that tied together. Malenko was a good choice for this role and offered a different style, though you could see that they wanted to do something with Taz. Maybe under a better gimmick and after a horrible neck injury.

Taz is out and needs help as there was something on that towel. Medics come out and Joey smells chloroform. Some smelling salts wake Taz up and he wrecks a bunch of stuff.

Tag Team Titles: Public Enemies vs. Cactus Jack/Mikey Whipwreck

Jack and Whipwreck are defending and it’s a weird set of rules where you have to put someone down for ten before you can go for the regular pin. Also after the ten count, you can use baseball bats. That’s quite the complicated rules, though Johnny Grunge grabbing his crotch takes away some of my focus for a few seconds. Mikey is of course scared to death, as tends to be his custom.

Hang on though as we need to have Rocco yell at the crowd a bit, followed by some standing around. There’s no contact for the first two minutes, though they are at least going through with the pretense of a tag match to start. The stalling continues as Public Enemy decides to walk so the referee starts the ten count. They come back so Mikey’s shoulder block can fail, giving us the first action at just shy of four minutes.

Mikey gets sent into a boot in the corner and a middle rope elbow crushes him. Grunge isn’t about to let the referee count so he drops a headbutt and kicks Mikey low. A gordbuster drops Mikey again so it’s Cactus coming in to save him from a bad case of destruction. Cactus whips Mikey into both of them as Mikey continues to be little more than a toy here. Mikey is so beaten up that he collapses for an eight count, leaving Cactus to clothesline both of them down at once.

Rock kicks Cactus low and Grunge crotches him on the barricade for a bonus. That leaves Mikey all alone and it’s a reverse DDT into a Swanton (the Drive By) for nine. As the count goes on, Cactus comes in and cleans house with a chair. A double arm DDT isn’t enough for the ten count so Public Enemy comes up with powder into Cactus’ face. Mikey fights back with forearms to both, including the bloody Grunge.

The blind Cactus DDTs Mikey by mistake though and that’s good for a ten, meaning it’s time for some baseball bats. Mikey gets laid out with the bat but all four walk up the aisle and fight over to some nicely placed tables. Two of them are stacked up on top of each other but Sabu breaks up a flip dive to put Mikey through them. 911 and Heyman come out, with Sabu sending Rock through the tables.

Mikey is back up and uses a chair to beat on the pieces of tables near Rock. Cactus and Grunge are back as well with Cactus suplexing Rock onto a table. The running elbow off the balcony puts Rock through the table and everyone is done. We hear about Mikey diving onto Grunge and let’s head back to the ring for some fun. Grunge sunset flips Mikey for two, followed by a top rope baseball bat shot to the face for the pin and the titles at 15:15.

Rating: C. I liked this more than I thought I would, even if there was nothing involving tagging or wrestling for the most part. The dives and carnage were good enough though and the fans cared about Public Enemy. Mikey and Cactus were a good oddball team and it made both guys look better than I was expecting. Nice enough here, assuming you’re not a traditionalist.

Gordon runs down the card for the next show, including Dreamer vs. Sandman with Cairo as guest referee. Hang on though as Cactus comes in to say how tough Mikey is. He’ll be back in two weeks also, with Kevin Sullivan as his partner to challenge for the titles. Also, Tazmaniac/Sabu vs. Dean Malenko/Joe Malenko. Plus the aforementioned Austin/Douglas vs. Scorpio/Simmons.

Sabu vs. Chris Benoit

This is an infamous one. They go right at each other with Benoit kneeing him in the ribs and dropping him ribs first onto the top rope. Then Benoit lifts him up and drops him down on top of his head, breaking Sabu’s neck (for the first of two times in ECW). Since HE BROKE HIS NECK, the match is stopped at around 1:40. Of note: that is how Benoit got the name the Crippler.

As medics tend to Sabu, here’s 911 to keep Benoit away from him. Benoit says he wants to fight Sabu and never signed to fight 911. We get some major stalling until Benoit jumps 911 from behind but can’t knock him down. A chokeslam plants Benoit for a pin but here’s Public Enemy with the baseball bats to take 911 down. Cactus comes in to go after the two of them as 911 gets back up. A double chokeslam (with all of four inches of lift) plants Public Enemy.

A bunch of people come out for a big brawl (including Taz looking downright bizarre in flannel) with Taz getting a bat to take out just about everyone. Eventually it’s Benoit and Taz in a standoff as 911 gets a beaten down Heyman out of dodge. Joey signs off but Benoit wants a mic. When that doesn’t work, Public Enemy holds up his arms as the mic is fixed. Benoit wants to know what happened to the great Sabu so here’s Scorpio again. If Benoit wants a fight, he’s right here.

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Chris Benoit

Public Enemy jumps Scorpio from behind and Benoit gets two off a powerbomb despite the lack of a bell. There’s the snap suplex as Public Enemy is still messing around at ringside. Scorpio gets in a superkick to send Benoit outside, meaning it’s time to beat up Public Enemy again.

There are even more people at ringside now, making this a glorified lumberjack match. Benoit hits a top rope superplex but Scorpio counters a belly to back superplex with a crossbody. Scorpio gets two off a super victory roll and nails a superkick but they fall out to the floor. Benoit throws him into various things and it’s a double countout at about 5:45.

Rating: D+. I can’t get mad at this one as they were making it up on the fly and had nothing planned. It wasn’t terrible or anything as they’re talented enough to make something work, though it went about as well as it realistically could have. This kind of heel Benoit is just weird to see but he did it very well and I could go for more of it.

Post match Scorpio says we should do that again.

Joey signs off again but we’re STILL not done as Cactus says his thoughts are with Sabu. That FINALLY ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is the kind of company that I can see having a cult following, ESPECIALLY in 1994 when wrestling was entering the dark ages. ECW is best known by the masses for the late 90s when wrestling had recovered, but this was a completely different feeling where you could see how effective it could be. It’s certainly not for everyone (including me) but I get the idea here and some parts of the show were really interesting. The hardcore felt more well timed here and it didn’t dominate the night. Not a great show by any means, but you can see the magic that people got swept up in around here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6