IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 24, 2020
Location: Sam’s Town Live, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

It’s the final night in Las Vegas before we head over towards Atlanta for what is now the last set of TV tapings available. We’re on the way towards Rebellion and that likely means a lot more “show is canceled” graphics. It’s not like they have much of a better choice so it’s as good as they can do here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Sami Callihan being revealed as the Realityislost hacker and attacking Ken Shamrock, who had just been announced as the newest Hall of Fame inductee.

Opening sequence.

Willie Mack vs. Chris Bey vs. Acey Romero vs. Daga vs. Rohit Raju vs. Jake Crist vs. Cousin Jake vs. Trey

One fall to a finish and the winner is the #1 contender to the X-Division Title. It’s a brawl to start (of course) and soon it’s Romero running over Bey and Crist on his own. A backsplash crushes Bey but a double missile dropkick puts Romero on the floor. That leaves Trey and Bey to trade missed dropkicks and it’s a quick standoff. Bey knocks Trey to the floor but gets crushed by Raju’s running splash in the corner.

Jake takes Bey’s place and hits a running shoulder to Raju in the corner as the one on one sequence continues. Mack slams Crist and the standing moonsault connects. Mack’s running flip dive takes out Jake and Crist, meaning it’s Daga and Trey going back inside. Bey joins them and gets powerbombed by Daga with Raju making the save. Daga and Raju miss each other a lot so Romero replaces Raju. That means Daga tries to slam him for some reason of general stupidity, leaving Romero to go up top.

The Tower of Doom sends Romero crashing down and Daga’s top rope splash gets two. We go into the parade of strikes to the face until Trey ties up Crist’s legs and suplexes Bey at the same time. Raju makes the save but can’t tornado DDT Jake. Mack’s fireman’s carry spinebuster plants Jake instead but Daga grabs Mack in a northern lights suplex. The dives are on in a hurry but Crist breaks up Romero’s attempt. That just earns him a Pounce, setting up Romero’s big dive to take out everyone else. Back in and Jake spinebusters Crist, only to have Mack hit the Six Star Frog Splash for the pin at 10:44.

Rating: C+. There isn’t much else you can do in this kind of a match as it’s a bunch of insanity until one person finally gets the win. Mack going after Ace Austin could be interesting and it wasn’t like there was another realistic option, save for perhaps Daga. It was as good as it could have been and a nice way to start the show.

Dave Crist tries to fire up Mad Man Fulton. Jake runs in to say it’s time to get back on a winning streak. Sami Callihan is testing them you see, but Dave says no one has spoken to them in months. They won’t do the thumbs up, thumbs down because they’re waiting for Sami.

Announcers preview the show.

Moose vs. Chase Stevens

Fallout from last week’s backstage fight. Moose jumps him before the bell but No Jackhammer Needed hits the buckle. An ax kick gives Chase two and a powerslam is good for the same. Back up and No Jackhammer Needed finishes Stevens at 1:15.

Post match Moose beats him up a bit more, including some chair shots to the ribs. Moose loads up a Pillmanization of the face but Scott D’Amore comes in to say if Moose wants TNA he can turn around. Cue Suicide to take Moose out as I STILL can’t believe they want to relive the TNA days.

Rosemary is still at the bar and rants about spending two years extracting revenge from the dark side. Someone off camera says “Two years? That’s it?” and it’s….Raven. He doesn’t think much of two years of hatred. Take him for example: it’s been twenty years and sometimes he isn’t sure if he hates Tommy Dreamer or loves him. Raven describes it as “orgasmic” because it goes on forever. He can’t wait to be in the same nursing home as Dreamer so he can cut the bag on Dreamer’s IV.

Ace Austin and Reno Scum come up to Willie Mack in the back. Willie isn’t buying into the mind games because he’s taking the title. Johnny Swinger comes in to say that’s it for the Mack and Pack Connection, but the miz-arks really want to see the two of them fight for the X-Division Title. That’ll get him some rats.

Reno Scum vs. Rascalz

Dez and Wentz of course. A quick spinebuster plants Dez and it’s a catapult into a Death Valley Driver for a very early two. Dez gets sent into the corner before he can even take his hoodie off and there’s the Pit Stop to make it worse. A kick to the face allows the double tag to Wentz and Luster as the pace picks up. Everything breaks down and it’s Wentz being sent outside, leaving Dez to take a top rope Curb Stomp for the pin at 4:36.

Rating: D+. Just a nothing match here with Reno Scum continuing to offer almost nothing whatsoever, likely aside from working cheap. There have been very few moments where I’ve seen anything int hem and this was no exception. That being said, what the heck happened to the Rascalz? They were awesome when they came in and now they can barely ever win a match, even a clean loss like this to Reno Scum.

Another Tenille Dashwood video. Is there a point to these or are we just at the start of their version of Emmalina?

Flashback Moment of the Week: LAX beats Team 3D to win the vacant Tag Team Titles at Sacrifice 2008.

Joey Ryan gives something close to a PSA about keeping Katie Forbes safe from the Deaners.

The Deaners aren’t sure what it means to be canceled, or what toxic masculinity means.

Sami Callihan is in a small room and asks why he did what he did. Impact has made him wrestle Shamrock one on one on pay per view and that’s not cool. Shamrock was the World’s Most Dangerous Man but now that’s him, because he sees everything.

Dave Crist/Mad Man Fulton vs. Sabu/Rhino

Old School Rules and Super Genie is here with Sabu and Rhino. Dave and Sabu start things off with a clothesline sending Dave to the corner. It’s off to Fulton vs. Rhino as I try to figure out why we are having tags in a match under ECW rules. Everything breaks down in a hurry and they all wind up on the floor, with the fight heading to the ramp. A chair is dropped though and Fulton sends Rhino into the corner back inside.

Rhino fights back on Dave without too much trouble and hands it back to Sabu. That means a slam from Fulton and Crist yells at the referee over a near fall. Sabu is back up with a cutter and the hot tag brings in Rhino to clean house. Genie throws in a chair so Sabu can hit Fulton, setting up a dive to the floor. Dave hits Rhino low and grabs the chair, but stops to swing at the referee. That means a Gore from Rhino to pin Dave at 8:14.

Rating: D-. So they barely used the weapons, the match was sloppy, they stopped in the middle of the brawling segment, and then Rhino pinned Crist. I know Callis wants to keep his old buddies around and give them a payday but could they get something close to decent in the ring? Or beat up less important opponents?

Su Yung uses the coffin to go to the Undead Realm to face Havok. She finds some people tied up, James Mitchell, and Havok herself. Mitchell says Yung has to go so Havok grabs a crowbar. Yung has a sword and the fight is on with Yung choking with the noose. One of the chained up men breaks free and hits Yung with a pipe and various other things to keep her down….until she cuts his throat with the sword.

Havok saves Mitchell from the save fate but gets caught with the Mandible Claw. Mitchell stops them and says Yung has proven that she should have been with him the whole time. The minions come in to grab them both though and Mitchell sends them to the Wastelands, which look like a desert.

Tessa Blanchard/Eddie Edwards vs. Michael Elgin/Taya Valkyrie

John E. Bravo is here with Elgin and Valkyrie. Eddie and Elgin start but Tessa wants to come in instead. That means it’s off to Tessa instead, with a quick leg trip taking Taya down. A spear drops Tessa as well, but she’s right back up to face Elgin. Some shots to Elgin’s knee slow him down and it’s off to Eddie, who has to slip out of a suplex attempt.

A Bravo distraction lets Taya pull Tessa off the apron and Elgin’s pop up powerslam gets two on Eddie. Back from a break with Eddie still in trouble but turning it into a slugout with Elgin. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets Eddie a breather and the hot tag brings in Tessa to clean house. Both men save their partners from getting slammed down but Tessa hurricanranas her way out of a superbomb. Eddie comes back in for the rapid fire chops to Elgin, followed by the overhead belly to belly to put him on the floor.

Bravo gets knocked off the apron and there are the double dives to take out the villains. A Codebreaker out of the corner into a tiger driver gets two on Elgin with Taya making the save. Eddie kicks Taya to the floor but Magnum is countered into a powerbomb onto Eddie’s back. Tessa is back up with a reverse hurricanrana and tornado DDT to Elgin but Elgin blasts Tessa down. The Elgin Bomb doesn’t work on Eddie, who strikes Elgin down instead. Taya’s distraction sets up the buckle bomb into the Elgin Bomb for the pin at Taya cuts Tessa off at 18:04.

Rating: B. Good, hard hitting match here as Impact has figured out how to do man vs. woman without it being hard to accept (granted having Tessa and Taya can make that a lot easier). This sets Elgin up as a monster going after the title at Rebellion and I’m not sure how that whole thing would have wound up. Odds are we’ll see the match at some point and I’m curious to see how it goes, so well done on that front.

We go back to the Wastelands….and Rosemary just happens to be there. She doesn’t care what Mitchell did to them and the alliance is formed. They wind up back in Mitchell’s lair, with Rosemary putting on sunglasses and going off on her own. Mitchell tells Havok and Yung that it was just a test and they can be a unit. Mitchell stabs him in the stomach with a dagger and Mitchell dies, only to wake up in Heaven with….a cat and Abyss? Mitchell: “Who booked this s***?”

Overall Rating: C+. This show worked out rather well with most of the show working out well. They did some good stuff to get rid of Mitchell (you knew that was going to be something zany) and it was an entertaining enough show. I’m not sure what they’re going to do in four weeks when we get done with what should have been the go home show for Rebellion. This was good though, and that’s what matters most at the moment.

Results

Willie Mack b. Cousin Jake, Trey, Daga, Acey Romero, Chris Bey, Rohit Raju and Jake Crist – Six Star Frog Splash to Jake

Moose b. Chase Stevens – No Jackhammer Needed

Reno Scum b. Rascalz – Top rope curb stomp to Trey

Rhino/Sabu b. Dave Crist/Mad Man Fulton – Gore to Crist

Michael Elgin/Taya Valkyrie b. Tessa Blanchard/Eddie Edwards – Elgin Bomb to Edwards

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Impact Wrestling
Date: February 4, 2020
Location: Fronton Mexico, Mexico City, Mexico
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

The Mexico run continues and that’s not a bad thing. Some of the local talent has done rather well with a few of them being big standouts. Other than that, we seem to be setting up for Tessa Blanchard vs. Ace Austin, possibly at Sacrifice. If nothing else, maybe we can get some more Eddie Edwards vs. Michael Elgin. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Tessa Blanchard to open the show, with commentary confirming the title match against Austin. Tessa says she isn’t hard to find and she’s a little impatient so here’s a challenge in Spanish. Cue Austin with Reno Scum and we have a surprise match.

Tessa Blanchard vs. Adam Thornstowe

Non-title. Tessa can’t get very far with a waistlock to start so she sends him into the interfering Luster the Legend on the apron. A headscissors puts Thornstowe on the floor but Luster blocks a suicide dive. Back in and Thornstowe rubs his armpit on Tessa’s face and the neck crank goes on.

Thornstowe chokes on the ropes and gets two off a slam. A standing moonsault misses though and Tessa is right back with a running hurricanrana. Tessa superkicks him off the apron onto Ace and Luster, setting up back to back suicide dives and a flip dive off the top. Back in and a cutter gives Tessa two, followed by the Buzzsaw DDT for the pin at 7:59.

Rating: C-. Just a match here for the most part with Tessa never feeling like she was in danger. What mattered more than anything else here though was they never went too far beyond the suspension of disbelief. You can only go so far with a one on one match without it being a bit ridiculous and Tessa is getting better and better at that every time.

Post match, Ace distracts Tessa so Luster can come in and start the beatdown. Tommy Dreamer runs in for the save. Of course he does.

Kiera Hogan and Madison Rayne are arguing when Taya Valkyrie interrupts to complain about facing Jordynne Grace next week. They don’t like how she talks to them and won’t be helping her in the title match.

During the break, Dreamer challenged Ace for a hardcore match tonight.

The announcers talk about the show but the feed is interrupted with a graphic for “realityislost.com”. They don’t seem to notice and preview everything else going on tonight, plus a few matches for Sacrifice on February 22.

Rhino vs. Taurus

Rhino shoves him away to start but his running shoulder has no effect. Another works a lot better but Taurus is right back with one of his own. They go to the floor with Taurus going face first into the apron. That doesn’t seem to matter as Taurus sends him shoulder first into the post and cranks away on the arm back inside.

A Codebreaker to the arm gets two and Taurus scores with a Shining Wizard for the same. Rhino avoids a twisting Swanton though and they’re both down for a bit. Taurus gets sent into the corner for a belly to belly but he’s right back with a running elbow for two. The spinebuster puts Taurus down again but here’s Moose to jump Rhino for the DQ at 6:45.

Rating: C. The ending makes sense given the story that they have been telling and the fact that we are coming up on Moose vs. Rhino at Sacrifice. They were beating each other up here and I liked what I saw rather well. You can always go with two big guys beating each other up in a power match and they did it well enough here.

Post match Moose goes after Taurus and walks into a Gore from Rhino to send him outside.

Michael Elgin is ready to go up 2-0 on Eddie Edwards next week and then win the series the week after.

Johnny Swinger challenges the Desi Hit Squad on behalf of himself and Willie Mack, but it winds up being Shera vs. Mack.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Motor City Machine Guns b. Team 3D and Beer Money at Sacrifice 2010.

Taya tries to get Rosemary’s help next week but Rosemary is too busy attacking James Mitchell and Havok, both of whom she locks in a room.

Rosemary vs. Susie

Susie offers a handshake but Rosemary puts the hand on her throat. Susie: “NO! THAT’S BAD!” Rosemary demands Susie hit her but Susie begs off in the corner instead. The bloodied glove to Susie’s face is enough to make her snap though and Rosemary seems pleased. Rosemary fights out of the Mandible Claw and they fight up the ramp for the double countout at 3:06.

Rating: D+. I almost gave this an N/A as it was an angle instead of a match and that’s ok. This story does keep going places but I’m not sure how much longer they can keep doing things. It seems like they have no idea where this is going to wind up, though Rosemary trying to bring Su Yung back is certainly a goal and that’s better than nothing.

Post match they fight in the back with Rosemary getting the better of it. She grabs the noose that was used to hang Su in this building and wraps it around her neck but security stops her. It’s too late though as Susie has become Su Yung again, complete with flashbacks to being hung.

Post break a distraught James Mitchell staggers out and finds a laughing Rosemary. Congratulations, because they’re all dead.

TJP vs. Vikingo

Fallah Bahh is here with TJP. They go technical to start with TJP taking him down and working on the arm before switching to a headlock. That goes nowhere so it’s an anklescissors to take Vikingo down instead. A Boston crab doesn’t work so they tie their legs together and stand on their heads for a slap off. Stereo nipups give us a standoff until another anklescissors sends Vikingo down. He’s right back with a headscissors to the floor and a shooting star press off the apron crushes TJP.

Back in and TJP hits a double chickenwing gutbuster to set up the slingshot hilo for two. A double underhook arm crank has Vikingo in trouble but he reverses into a….I’m not sure what you call that but he had TJP’s limbs behind him and bent TJP around a lot. Back up and they trade some kicks to the arm until Vikingo pulls him down into a cross armbreaker. That’s broken up and TJP grabs a Muta Lock, plus an arm crank at the same time, to put Vikingo in serious trouble.

TJP can only hold it for so long until they head to the floor for a chase, capped off by Vikingo hitting a dropkick through the ropes. That means a big flip dive over the top to take TJP down again, with the fans deeming it awesome. TJP gets tied up in the ropes for a top rope legdrop but he’s right back with a Tombstone into a frog splash for two.

Vikingo’s running knees in the corner give him two of his own, with the fans wanting them to fight forever. Now it’s TJP back with a superplex into an Octopus Hold but Vikingo is straight out. Back up and TJP loads up the Detonation kick but Vikingo slips out, only to get pulled into a Regal Stretch for the tap at 13:41.

Rating: B+. Yeah this was great as Vikingo is probably going to get himself a job outside of AAA if he wants/can have one. TJP is one of the best talents this company has and the two of them both looked great in everything they did here. This was one of the best matches I’ve seen from Impact in a good while and I could go for more from both of them.

Post match TJP shows respect but here’s the North to beat both of them down.

Katie Forbes tells Joey Ryan that he doesn’t want to touch it. Joey says he’s not interested but Rob Van Dam jumps him from behind. They’ll fight next week.

OVE vs. Daga/Dr. Wagner Jr.

Wagner’s son is with him. Dave and Wagner start things off and take their time to start until they trade some waistlocks. A running kick to the head lets Wagner pose so Jake comes in, only to get punched into the corner. Wagner hits a middle rope cutter for one (?) so it’s Daga coming in and getting caught with a Death Valley Driver. Daga is right back up and sends Jake to the floor for a baseball slide.

Back in and Wagner comes in to clean house again, including a German suplex for Dave. With Josh’s voice giving out, Daga gets two off a brainbuster to Jake. A spike Tombstone gets two on Daga and everything breaks down off the save. Wagner flips onto Jake and Daga’s Jay Driller is good for the pin on Dave at 8:15.

Rating: C. This was a pretty formula based match and they did things well enough to keep my interest. The problem is they didn’t do enough to make me care that much beyond the basics and that’s fine enough for a TV match. It’s good to see Daga get the pin here as Wagner doesn’t need the rub that comes from a win. OVE has fallen a good bit, but they’re still good for a match like this.

Post match Madman Fulton comes in to wreck Daga and Wagner.

Swinger tells Mack that he has heat with Shera so they’ll have a match next week. Mack can handle this on his own.

Preview of next week’s show.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Ace Austin

Non-title falls count anywhere street fight (or hardcore, which ever you prefer). Ace brings the card at Dreamer but gets sent outside for his efforts. A suplex on the ramp lets Dreamer grab a bunch of weapons to throw at Ace. Tommy puts on the sombrero and dances with a crutch before brawling up to the stage. They go into the crowd instead with Dreamer sending him into the chairs as we take a break.

Back with Dreamer posing but getting kicked off the balcony (about a four foot drop) so Ace can dive onto him. Dreamer blocks some kicks on the apron and pulls Ace down, setting up a Conchairto on the arm. Back in and Ace sends him into the post, setting up the paper cut with the card, this time to the head to bust Dreamer open. Ace chairs him down a few times and now it’s time for a table.

Dreamer gets in a shove off the ropes though and they slug it out with Dreamer getting the better of it. A running kendo stick shot in the corner misses though and Ace hits a top rope spinning Fameasser for two. Dreamer shrugs off some stick shots and hits a White Russian legsweep as the ECW tributes continue. Ace kicks him in the face so Dreamer grabs him low, setting up a DDT for two. A running powerslam through the table gives Dreamer two more and it’s time for a ladder, which winds up on the middle rope. Dreamer takes him up top but gets crotched, setting up a super Fold to give Austin the pin at 19:53.

Rating: D. Are they serious? The World Champion gets eight minutes, Dr. Wagner Jr. gets eight and that great TJP vs. Vikingo match gets thirteen, but TOMMY DREAMER gets twenty. You’re in a foreign country and have a ton of options for new and fresh names to put out there (heck make the Wagner match a singles and put Daga in there) but no no, the solution is TOMMY DREAMER. Ace, a champion, needed twenty minutes to beat Dreamer, who turns 49 next week and hasn’t won an important match in forever. What a great way to present your #1 contender as a star. Just….enough already.

Overall Rating: C+. That TJP vs. Vikingo match kept this show from being pretty awful and I’ll take that every week. I like that they’re setting up a big show with Sacrifice as you can’t go from January until April without having something. There are some interesting things going on here and I like where it’s going, but then they have stupid stuff like wasting Van Dam on Joey Ryan and Dreamer getting a twenty minute main event. If they can get rid of the awful stuff and bad ideas, they’re on a roll. As it is, they’re the same Impact that they’ve been for the last year or two: just there, with an occasional good show.

Results

Tessa Blanchard b. Adam Thornstowe – Buzzsaw DDT

Rhino b. Taurus via DQ when Moose interfered

Rosemary vs. Susie went to a double countout

TJP b. Vikingo – Regal Stretch

Daga/Dr. Wagner Jr. b. OVE – Jay Driller to Dave

Ace Austin b. Tommy Dreamer – Super Fold

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 21, 2020
Location: Fronton Mexico, Mexico City, Mexico
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re down in Mexico this week and that means things are going to be a little different. It’s still time for the fallout from Hard To Kill, which could go multiple ways. Hopefully things pick up a bit, though it’s not like last week’s recap show was all that bad. I’m curious to see where things go from here though so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Here’s Tessa Blanchard to open things up. She’s glad to be aqui en Mexico and knows that it’s the beginning of the journey. There is a target on her back and knows that Sami Callihan is coming. Cue Taya Valkyrie instead and she brings up a great point: she beat Tessa for the title and deserves a title shot of her own. She has beaten Tessa for the AAA Women’s Title but now she wants the World Title.

Cue Ace Austin to say he should be invited to this party. They were all successful at Hard To Kill and Ace even beat Tessa at Bound For Glory. He could come out on top of her again, either in the ring or at the hotel. The fight is on and Trey Miguel runs in for the save to set up a likely tag match.

Opening sequence.

We recap Willie Mack walking away from Rich Swann after losing in a handicap match at Hard To Kill.

Mack isn’t sure what he’s going to do until Swann gets back but tonight, he’ll face Rohit Raju. Johnny Swinger comes in to offer to be his partner but Mack walks away, even from the offer of rizzats.

Taya is talking about wanting a World Title shot when Madison Rayne and Kiera Hogan come in to say they want their title shots. That’s more than Taya can deal with right now but they can fight next week. Whoever wins gets the first title shot and the loser gets the second.

Moose vs. Rhino vs. Taurus

The ECW chants start fast (for once that’s interesting as Rhino was only around ECW for about two years but it’s still the signature time in his career) and Moose drops to the floor. Taurus springboards out of a wristlock as Moose is content to chill on the floor. He does stop to grab Taurus though and Rhino demands that Moose get in. That isn’t happening so far though and we take a break.

Back with Moose still on the floor as Rhino charges into an elbow to the face. Rhino and Taurus go outside to deal with Moose, who slides back in, only to make the mistake of pointing at his head because he’s brilliant. The beatdown is on with Rhino getting annoyed at Taurus for going for a cover.

Moose gets back up and beats them into various corners, including a whip to send Taurus shoulder first into the post. Some running elbows and a short arm clothesline give Rhino two but Taurus is out of the corner with a spinning crossbody for his own two. Rhino suplexes Moose but a quick referee distraction lets Moose kick Rhino low. Taurus comes in for the save so Rhino Gores Moose, only to have Taurus steal the pin at 14:25.

Rating: D+. Just another triple threat match with the same formula that you could imagine for a long time now. They’re all talented people but how many things can you get out of the same formula? There are other ways to do a match like this but for some reason this is what wrestlers like to do in them no matter what.

Jordynne Grace thinks she should get a Knockouts Title match so she’s in on the Hogan vs. Rayne match.

Tommy Dreamer, in a sombrero, tells Joey Ryan that he’s back in Wrestler’s Court tonight. Joey says no and leaves.

Joey Ryan vs. Maximo

Maximo is an exotico so we’re in for comedy. Joey gives a fan a lollipop from his trunks and it’s time to tell Maximo to touch it. They trade armdrags instead and some near falls give us a standoff. Maximo slams him down and drops a top rope elbow for two, only to make the mistake of trying an atomic drop. Back up and Maximo kisses him for two but Ryan makes him touch it. The Plex and Sweet Tooth Music finishes Maximo at 3:32.

Rating: F. Yeah I think this one speaks for itself. They were nice enough to keep this short but it’s not exactly something I want to see. It doesn’t help that Ryan does the exact same stuff every single time and almost never changes anything. It wasn’t as long as some of these matches but egads I could go with never seeing this stuff again.

Rob Van Dam says that match makes him embarrassed to be a wrestler. He leaves with Katie Forbes instead of answering a question.

Michael Elgin wants to fight Eddie Edwards again.

Havok vs. Rosemary

Havok has James Mitchell and Susie with her. Rosemary bails to the floor to start and talks to Susie but switches places with Havok, setting up a dive. Rosemary beats her up the ramp but Havok gets in a single shot to knock her back. A suplex drops Rosemary on the ramp and Havok heads inside, only to get taken down with a top rope forearm. The Sling Blade sets up a Last Chancery, with Havok getting out in a hurry. Havok hits a running knee but Rosemary gets in a jawbreaker. Mitchell gets on the apron for a distraction so Rosemary mists him down, allowing Havok to hit a Tombstone for the pin at 6:29.

Rating: D+. This story continues to keep going and I’m still not sure what to expect from where it is going. I’m still not sure if Impact knows what they’re doing with it either, though the Susie stuff does have me a little bit intrigued. The match wasn’t very good either but they had too much going on in a short amount of time.

Post match the blind Mitchell celebrates with Havok but Susie wanders off.

The Desi Hit Squad is ready to continue their winning streak but Shera has sent Raj Singh on a spiritual journey. Gama Singh isn’t happy and slaps Rohit Raju to blow off some steam.

The Rascalz make fun of Trey for teaming with a girl as he might have a bit of a thing for Tessa. Then things get all fuzzy and Murder Clown/Pagano join in their circle, much to the Rascalz’s dismay.

Eddie Edwards will gladly fight Michael Elgin again. Elgin comes in to start the argument and another match seems imminent.

Willie Mack vs. Rohit Raju

Gama Singh and Shera are here. They start fast with Mack snapping off a hurricanrana and hitting the swinging slam for a bonus. A dropkick to the floor makes it worse but Shera offers a distraction so Raju can sweep the leg. Raju hits a double stomp for two but misses a charge, allowing Mack to hit the running boot in the corner. The Samoan drop into the standing moonsault gets two, followed by Raju missing a jumping knee. Mack Stuns him for the pin at 3:49.

Rating: C-. Could have been worse and in theory this was going to be Mack/Swann vs. the Squad. Mack continues to be one of the most entertaining guys on the show and I could go for him getting a singles push. Raju is watchable at times and that was the case here, albeit in a not all that interesting match.

Post match the Squad beats Mack down, drawing out Swinger for the failed save attempt.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Beer Money beats the Motor City Machine Guns for the Tag Team Titles at Genesis 2011.

The North brags about how awesome they are when Vikingo interrupts, likely to set something up.

Starting next week: Eddie Edwards vs. Michael Elgin in the first match of a best of five series. No mention of the trophy being on the line.

Tessa Blanchard/Trey Miguel vs. Taya Valkyrie/Ace Austin

John E. Bravo is here with Taya and Ace. Taya and Tessa get things going with Tessa hitting a quick clothesline to put her on the floor. Ace comes in and gets taken down with a headlock before it’s off to Trey to pick up the pace. A dropkick puts Ace in the ropes and a running hurricanrana sends him outside, only for Taya to block the dive. Tessa kicks her to the floor for the stereo dives and we take a break.

Back with Taya pulling Tessa off the apron to block a tag attempt as Ace has Trey in trouble. Ace drops a leg for two and it’s Taya coming in for the same off a basement dropkick. Another knee gets another two and Trey gets tied in the Tree of Woe for some kicks to the ribs. A belly to back suplex gets two and Ace cuts the finger with the card.

That’s enough to Trey to fight up but Bravo makes sure the referee doesn’t see the tag. Trey backflips over Ace and hits a double stomp to the back and the hot tag brings in Tessa for a high crossbody. There’s a cutter to drop Taya again and a tornado DDT rocks Austin. A running springboard Downward Spiral gets two on Ace and Tessa dives onto Taya. Ace is right back up though and hits the Fold to finish Trey at 16:48.

Rating: C+. Nice match here with Tessa getting the hot tag like a champion should, but then you have Trey lose again. I’m not sure if he is going to be chasing Austin going forward, but how much sense would that make at the moment? The action was good here, but I’m not wild on the booking overall. Still though, best thing on the show.

Overall Rating: D. I really don’t care for these shows in Mexico as they feel like a cross between house shows and regular TV. All of these people show up with little to no introduction and a lot of the wrestling isn’t very good. They had some momentum coming out of Hard To Kill but the last two weeks have really slowed things down. This wasn’t very good and I don’t know how much better that is going to get during this trip.

Results

Taurus b. Moose and Rhino – Gore to Moose

Joey Ryan b. Maximo – Sweet Tooth Music

Havok b. Rosemary – Tombstone

Willie Mack b. Rohit Raju – Stunner

Taya Valkyrie/Ace Austin b. Trey Miguel/Tessa Blanchard – Fold to Miguel

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 7, 2020
Location: Melrose Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

We’re back to a regular show and it’s the go home edition before Hard To Kill. The card is mostly set but there is always the chance that something could be added at the last minute. It’s kind of a weird situation as we are coming off back to back Best Of shows, meaning there isn’t much momentum for the pay per view at the moment. Maybe they can get in one last push though. Let’s get to it.

We open with Michael Elgin and Eddie Edwards having to be pulled apart at ringside. Eddie is willing to fight him right now and hits a dive.

Opening sequence.

Eddie Edwards vs. Michael Elgin

They’re still fighting on the floor as Eddie has to hurricanrana his way out of a powerbomb attempt. They chop it out until Elgin scores with a superkick and throws it inside for the opening bell. Eddie grabs an atomic drop but an enziguri in the corner sets up a stomp to the chest for two. A German suplex attempt doesn’t work for Eddie as Elgin grabs him by the head and flips him forward with raw power.

Eddie goes technical by countering a suplex into one of his own followed by the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. A Rock Bottom/Boss Man Slam plants Eddie again and the Falcon Arrow gives Elgin two of his own. They strike it out in the corner with some chops and clotheslines before slugging it out in the middle. Elgin snaps off a German suplex but Eddie pops back up for a Boston Knee Party to the back of the head.

We take a break and come back with Eddie hitting another Boston Knee Party to put them both down. Eddie gets two off a tiger bomb and goes up, where he has to sunset bomb his way out of a super White Noise. Elgin blasts him with a clothesline for two more but can’t get a Crossface. Instead he settles for the Buckle Bomb into the Elgin Bomb for the pin at 19:43.

Rating: B. These guys beat the heck out of each other and the story made sense with Elgin using raw power while Eddie stuck and moved by getting in everything he could where he could. They didn’t waste time here and just went at it full blast for the twenty minutes and the match was very entertaining as result. As usual, the talent is strong around here and if they drop the nonsense and have good matches, it’s very entertaining stuff.

Video on the Tag Team Title match with Rich Swann and Willie Mack earning the title shot, leaving the North to try and play mind games to split them up.

Elgin vs. Edwards again on Sunday, this time with Edwards’ Call Your Shot trophy on the line. Oh yeah he has that.

Desi Hit Squad vs. Fallah Bahh/TJP/Daga

Raj kicks away at Daga to start so Daga runs the ropes and hurricanranas him to the floor. Raju comes in and gets dropkicked down for one so it’s off to Bahh and TJP for a double back elbow. TJP nips up and Bahh….well he tried at least. They run the ropes over Raju and Bahh gets rather winded, just in case you didn’t get the joke the first time around. A DDT plants Daga and it’s Shera coming in to powerbomb Raju onto Daga for two.

It’s already back to Raj for a dropkick to the head and a backsplash for two of his own. TJP comes back in for a springboard dropkick as everything breaks down. Daga’s springboard wristdrag/headscissors combination puts Shera and Singh on the floor, setting up the big dive. Bahh’s suicide dive takes them down again but Shera hits his Sky High for the pin on TJP at 7:59.

Rating: C+. The Squad did look better here but there’s no way around how uninteresting they are. Their entire characters are “we’re from India and managed by a legend” and I need a lot more than that to care about someone. The match was pretty good, but give me something else to sink my teeth into with them.

Willie Mack comes in to see Rich Swann and says he might not be healthy for the Tag Team Title match. He doesn’t want to hold Swann back from realizing his full potential but Swann wants to win the titles.

OVE is ready to take over wrestling, starting with Mad Man Fulton beating Ken Shamrock on Sunday and Sami Callihan getting rid of Tessa Blanchard once and for all.

Johnny Swinger spikes Joey Ryan’s drink when Tommy Dreamer comes in and tells him to grow up. If Swinger didn’t do anything to Ryan’s drink, he can drink it himself. I’m sure hilarity will ensue.

Video on the X-Division Title match with Ace Austin hitting on Trey’s mom in a rather creepy way.

Video on Sami Callihan vs. Tessa Blanchard with Sami finally getting the World Title and Tessa trying to make history. This includes interviews from Tessa’s family, who has worked very hard to get here. Sami on the other hand only cared about wrestling and has done everything to get here. He’ll do anything to keep the title too. Sami doesn’t like it, but sometimes dreams don’t come true and Tessa will learn that on Sunday. Very good video, though it did a little too good of a job at making me like Sami, which wasn’t exactly the point.

James Mitchell locks Susie in a locker room so she can’t interfere in Havok’s match.

Havok vs. Rosemary

Rosemary screams and slugs away to start so Havok shoves her down. That just makes Rosemary jump on her back for more right hands before avoiding a charge to low bridge Havok to the floor. Michell’s distraction fails as Havok runs him over by mistake, only to catch Rosemary with a backbreaker inside. Cue Susie, who seems messed up by all of the noise. She winds up on commentary as Havok beats up Rosemary in the corner. A missed splash lets Rosemary get in a few shots but Mitchell gets Susie away from commentary. Havok hits the Tombstone for the pin at 5:11 as Mitchell covers Susie’s eyes.

Rating: D+. This was all angle stuff and that’s fine, though this story feels like it has been going on for years now. Mitchell trying to keep Su Yung from returning is certainly a twist, but I’m almost worried about how long they’re going to drag this whole thing out. It’s not bad and does keep things somewhat interesting, but I’m not sure how much of a goal they have with the thing.

ODB/Tenille Dashwood/Jordynne Grace vs. Kiera Hogan/Madison Rayne/Taya Valkyrie

Dashwood and Rayne start things off as Callis goes into Madison’s insane resume (73 time Knockouts Champion and an honorary Hart). Tenille throws her outside and it’s Grace coming in for two off an Implant Buster. Hogan gets in a cheap shot from the apron though and Taya comes in for an elbow to the face.

A kick to Grace’s back gets two so ODB….rubs her chest. Grace runs Hogna over and dives over for the tag to ODB for a lot more chest based offense. A double Bronco Buster hits Taya and Madison and there’s a TKO to Taya as well. Grace adds a Vader Bomb but since she isn’t legal, ODB throws her outside and gets the pin at 5:16.

Rating: D+. Not much here as they were rushed and could have done this as a tag match without Dashwood and Hogan involved. ODB still feels really, really tacked on to the Knockouts Title match, meaning there is a good chance that Taya escapes before dropping the title to Grace later on.

Grace isn’t happy.

Moose interrupts Rob Van Dam and Katie Forbes to make sure he can trust Rob tonight. They leave and Swinger is passed out on a couch. Joey Ryan and Petey Williams come in to draw something on him.

Hard To Kill rundown.

Moose/Rob Van Dam vs. Brian Cage/Rhino

Katie is here with Van Dam and Moose. Van Dam starts with Cage but decides that Moose can do it instead. Cage hits a superkick and spinebuster so it’s off to Rhino for a WOO. Rhino shouts to the crowd a lot and hammers away in the corner as the pace slows a good bit. A clothesline puts Moose on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Moose being sent onto the ramp but Katie breaks up the Gore so the villains can take over. Moose bites Rhino’s head and hammers away but can’t get a suplex. Rhino can hit a suplex of his own though and it’s Cage coming in for the staredown with Van Dam. A German suplex puts Van Dam down but Moose runs Cage over. Everything breaks down and Van Dam kicks Cage in the face for two.

These fans aren’t good enough to see Rolling Thunder so Van Dam is sent outside, leaving Moose to slug it out with Rhino. Cage takes Rhino’s place and hits a tornado DDT to put Moose down. Van Dam kicks Cage in the face but walks into the Gore. A missed charge puts Rhino down as well but Moose misses his own Five Star. The Gore and a discus lariat are enough to finish Moose at 12:23.

Rating: C+. They didn’t waste time here and just had four people hit each other for a somewhat lengthy match. Moose taking the pin makes more sense here and they did a nice job of setting up both matches at once. That’s something that will always work as you get to build two matches while also keeping things fresh. Nicely done here in a bit of a surprisingly good match.

Long video on Hard To Kill wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a rather good go home show as they covered everything on Sunday, added another match, and made me want to see the pay per view more than I did coming in. Some of the stuff felt like it could have been cut (that six man and Havok vs. Rosemary could have been on any other show) but overall, it was more good than bad and the opener was rather entertaining. Nice job here, but make sure the pay per view is even better.

Results

Michael Elgin b. Eddie Edwards – Elgin Bomb

Desi Hit Squad b. Fallah Bahh/TJP/Daga – Sky High to TJP

Havok b. Rosemary – Tombstone

ODB/Tenille Dashwood/Jordynne Grace b. Kiera Hogan/Madison Rayne/Taya Valkyrie – Vader Bomb to Rayne

Brian Cage/Rhino b. Moose/Rob Van Dam – Discus lariat to Moose

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 28, 2019
Location: Melrose Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Don Callis

It’s the next to last show before Slammiversary and that means things are getting interesting around here. They’ve done a rather nice job of making Rich Swann look like a star and hopefully that continues this week. At the same time they have to build up Sami Callihan vs. Tessa Blanchard some more, which could be anywhere from a train wreck to a big success. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

The North vs. Deaners

Well it’s better than the Desi Hit Squad….I think. Alexander and Jake start things off with Alexander’s headlocks and shoulders not working well. Jake’s works a bit better and it’s off to Cody, who gets two off Jake’s clothesline. Everything breaks down for a bit and Page gets knocked into a gutbuster for two. Jake comes back in and gets stomped down in the North corner for all of a few seconds before it’s back to Cody. A full nelson backbreaker gets two on Cody and Page stops to yell at a fan.

Alexander’s suplex keeps Cody in trouble and Page grabs a chinlock. Cody fights up and neckbreakers his way to freedom so Jake can come back in and clean house. A splash in the corner brings Cody back in rather soon but what looked to be a Magic Killer is broken up. Jake and Alexander slug it out with Jake no selling a German suplex. Some double teaming puts Jake on the floor and it’s Cody getting thrown off the top. The double Neuralizer gives Page the pin at 10:02.

Rating: D+. I’m still not getting the appeal of either of these teams and neither of them are helping the shows for the most part. The North are the better options and thankfully they haven’t been focusing on being from Canada for the most part. The Deaners….my goodness how long did they put into this idea? Maybe eighteen seconds?

Taya Valkyrie and Rosemary have a meeting in the back about the Monster’s Ball but Rosemary would rather talk about her upcoming title shot. They have a tag match tonight but Taya is worried about their outfits not matching. Rosemary says it’ll be fine. Rosemary: “Trust us.” Taya: “Us?”

Brian Cage is not cleared to compete.

We look at Moose attacking Tommy Dreamer at a House of Hardcore event. Forgive me for not feeling the emotional impact of Tommy Dreamer getting beaten up.

Slammiversary/the rest of the night rundown.

Su Yung/Havok vs. Rosemary/Taya Valkyrie

Taya and Rosemary argue over who is going to start until Havok takes Taya into the corner for some choking. Havok switches it up a bit with choking in another corner before handing it off to Yung. Since Yung is kind of all over the place, her best offense is to let Havok kick Taya in the head. The bloody glove comes out but it’s already back to Havok, who Taya climbs over and makes the tag off to Rosemary. A quickly broken Last Chancery causes everything to break down and it’s Havok vs. Rosemary on the floor. Rosemary kicks a chair into Havok’s face and it’s a double countout at 5:02.

Rating: D+. At least the characters are more interesting here. I’m also glad they didn’t have a pin for a change as you want to keep everyone strong heading into Monster’s Ball. I don’t know why that’s so complicated as countouts and disqualifications can be your friend in a situation like this. A little short, but at least the ending was right.

Post match the brawl continues with Rosemary busting out the tacks. Havok saves Su from going into them but Su hits Havok by mistake. James Mitchell has to come in and keep the peace.

Ace Austin isn’t happy with losing to TJP last week but it wasn’t fair because he didn’t know TJP worked here. TJP comes in, makes fun of his time in WWE, and a rematch is set for next week.

The Deaners drink the loss away when the Desi Hit Squad comes in to mock them. More beer is consumed.

Slammiversary rundown.

Flashback Moment Of The Week: X-Division Title ladder match at Slammiversary 2014.

Eddie Edwards goes to church to confess about his love of violence. The priest turns into Killer Kross, who talks about Eddie trying to find himself. Eddie will wait for Slammiversary while Kross stays and threatens the priest.

John E. Bravo talks to the other referees and says Johnny Bravo completes him. Rich Swann comes in to go after Bravo but Impact and Willie Mack come in. A tag match is made for later.

Sami Callihan vs. Fallah Bahh

Madman Fulton and Scarlett Bordeaux are the seconds here. Bahh glares Sami down for daring to chop him but a Fulton distraction works a bit better. That’s good for an ejection so we’re down to one on two. Sami gets in a clothesline and grabs a chinlock, which works so well that they do it again. Bahh gets back up and hits a running splash, followed by the running hip attack. It’s too early for the Banzai drop so Sami bites the arm. A few kicks to the face set up a hanging Cactus Special for the pin on Bahh at 6:43.

Rating: D. This was back to the old style for Bahh and that isn’t the best thing in the world. He’s not the most interesting guy in the world at his best and this was worse than the previous few times he’s been out there. I’m not sure how bad it’s going to be with Scarlett gone, but it’s not like she did anything here.

Post match Sami says that’s how you get over as only a man can do. Sami wants to say something to Tessa but wants to do it to her face so get out here. Tessa comes out and jumps over the ropes, despite Sami holding the ropes open for her. Sami says Tessa wants to be treated as an equal so he bicycle kicks her. She pops back up and hammers away until the Crists run out, allowing Sami to get in a baseball bat shot to the ribs. Tessa spits in his face so it’s a Cactus Special to leave her laying.

Rascalz vs. Laredo Kid/LAX

Konnan is out with LAX/Kid. It’s a staredown to start but Kid springboard dives onto the Rascalz and we start fast. The ring is cleared out until it’s Kid springboard crossbodying Miguel and then moonsaulting off the top onto everyone else. Back from a break with Miguel getting caught in a reverse powerbomb for a series of splashes for two. Miguel flips out of a belly to back suplex from Santana and makes the tag to Wentz for a breather.

Everything breaks down and Santana sends Miguel into Xavier for a spear. A Batista Bomb plants Wentz so Xavier grabs a running Spanish Fly. Miguel’s enziguri to Kid gives us the big knockdown for a much needed breather. Everyone gets up for the big slugout with the Rascalz getting punched down and stacked up. Kid’s 450 onto all three gets two but the Rascalz are back up to send Kid outside. Santana follows him out and it’s a series of kicks to take Ortiz down. The top rope Meteora gives Miguel the pin at 10:15.

Rating: B. This was pure action from start to finish and that’s all you could ask for out of such a match. The Rascalz have been rolling as of late and Laredo Kid has been a great surprise whenever he shows up. Rascalz vs. LAX is likely going to steal the show at Slammiversary, but then someone is bound to steal LAX because they’re too good to keep around.

Madison Rayne thinks Jordynne Grace deserves a rematch but Kiera Hogan comes in to say this isn’t a sisterhood. She’s a selfish b**** just like all of them, but Kiera is the only one to admit it. Rayne isn’t going to let her bring the ugliness out of the locker room so they’ll fight at some point.

The Rascalz argue over which of the three of them will fight at Slammiversary. They’ll figure it out in a Rascals Extravaganza next week.

Slammiversary card. Again.

Brian Cage arrives and comes in even though he isn’t cleared.

Here’s Cage in the ring for a chat. Cage calls out Michael Elgin, who sent him to the hospital and put him on the shelf. Now Cage is back though and he’s ready for Slammiversary. Cue the doctor, who gets beaten up before he can say anything. Elgin comes in and hits a buckle bomb, followed by an Elgin Bomb.

Elgin holds up the title as Cage pulls himself up, only to get Elgin Bombed right back down. It’s table time and Elgin powerbombs him through it again, which is enough to draw Callis up from commentary. He yells at Elgin and gets dropped, setting up a teased Elgin Bomb but cage is back up. The brawl is on to finish the show. Good segment, though attacking Callis might not have the impact that they were hoping for.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event was the best thing about the show but it wasn’t quite enough to save the whole thing. What worked well here was the direction towards Slammiversary as you can see the build on every match. That’s a good sign as a lot of cards these days barely get any build beyond the bare minimum. It’s well done here though and while the weekly wrestling is up and down, the build has been solid and that’s the more important thing.

Results

The North b. Deaners – Double Neutralizer to Cody

Rosemary/Taya Valkyrie vs. Havok/Su Yung went to a double countout

Sami Callihan b. Fallah Bahh – Hanging Cactus Special

Rascalz b. LAX/Laredo Kid – Top rope Meteora to Ortiz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 7, 2019
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re still in Philadelphia and unfortunately that probably means more ECW guys taking up a huge part of the show. That being said, I’m almost scared to see what they might come up with next. Why they need to come up with anything new is beyond me as they have a lot of talent who can have some awesome matches when they actually put in the effort. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We recap last week’s show, which was quite the all over the place show.

Opening sequence.

Cousin Jake vs. Ace Austin

Jake’s cousin Cody is in his corner. Austin gets in some pushups before we start but he can’t get in a drop toehold. Some kicks to Jake’s back work a bit better and a hurricanrana takes Jake down. Austin low bridges him to the floor and, after the handstand on the apron, kicks Jake in the face. A running flip dive is blocked though and a running crossbody against the apron gives Jake two. Back in and Austin gets body blocked out of the air but Ace avoids a charge in the corner.

That means a paper cut with the Ace of spades and a top rope Fameasser gets two on Jake. It’s time to start on Jake’s arm with a variety of pulling. Some chops just annoy Jake so Austin kicks him in the head instead. Jake blasts him with a clothesline for a double knockdown as Cody cheers Jake from ringside. A Michinoku Driver gives Jake two and there’s a running shoulder n the corner. Cue the Desi Hit Squad to go after Cody though, allowing Ace to hit the Fold for the pin at 8:54.

Rating: C. Actually a nice little match here but then again I’ve liked Ace since he first showed up. Jake is fine for a powerhouse in the ring when you get rid of the ridiculous gimmick. As usual, Impact does a lot better when it comes to the wrestling parts rather than the talking and character stuff, but that goes for a lot of companies these days.

Taya Valkyrie doesn’t want to hear about Rosemary again and it’s not Taya’s fault that Rosemary is obsessed with her.

The announcers chat about the show.

Taya Valkyrie vs. Rosemary

Non-title and Rosemary still has Su Yung on the chain. Taya takes her down and hammers away to start, followed by some kicks in the corner. The fans certainly seem to like Taya strutting around the ring and hitting a Meteora in the corner. Rosemary is right back with the Upside Down but a missile dropkick misses. Something like a Sling Blade takes Taya right back down and a reverse DDT gets two. It’s off to a Koji Clutch of all things….and here are James Mitchell and Havok (a monster who used to be part of the Knockouts division) with the latter taking out Rosemary for the DQ at 4:28.

Rating: D+. This was a storyline match instead of something worthwhile and that’s ok. What might not be ok is this Mitchell vs. Rosemary story continuing, as it seems to just keep going for months on end. That being said, having Havok in there at least offers a fresh direction and it might actually be able to go somewhere for a change.

Post match Havok lays out Taya and Rosemary as Mitchell certainly approves. Havok lets Yung free.

The Rascalz are ready for their Tag Team Title shot and talk about the Pet Shop Boys. Trey drinks a bit.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Great Muta vs. Mr. Anderson from TNA vs. the World in 2015.

Eddie Edwards comes up to Sandman in the back because he can’t accept the new kendo stick. Eddie: “It wouldn’t be fair to Kenny.” Sandman writes KENNY on the stick and Eddie is happy.

Video on Brian Cage vs. Michael Elgin at Slammiversary.

Elgin has showed that he’s better than Cage and the path he’s clearing leads straight to the World Title. Next week, Elgin will see Cage across the ring from him instead of Willie Mack.

Madman Fulton vs. Fox Vinier/Michael Emineo

Sami Callihan slaps Fulton in the face to start and Fulton starts beating both of them up at once. Vinier is slammed onto Emineo and they’re both run over again. A chokeslam to each sets up a double chokeslam but Sami isn’t happy. He slaps Fulton a few times and says to kill them, setting up a swinging Downward Spiral to send Vinier onto Emineo for the pin at 3:23.

Rating: D. Well that worked. This was the kind of destruction that you have to have with a monster like Fulton and it’s been rather effective. Sami having a bit of a cult thing going on is a good story for him and something that could go somewhere. Just keep him away from doing goofy stuff and see where it can go from here. If nothing else, tie it back into him being the first man to beat Cage and set up a World Title feud.

Post match Sami says he’s sick of the Knockout nonsense and people like Scarlett Bordeaux and Fallah Bahh embarrassing them. Actually get the Crists out here right now because we’re having the tag match right now.

Crist Brothers vs. Fallah Bahh/Scarlett Bordeaux

I certainly don’t mind Scarlett being out here, but what is up with the intergender obsession lately? Bahh suplexes Jake to start but Sami grabs his foot. That’s enough for a double ejection of Callihan and Fulton, leaving Bahh to slam Dave. A missed charge sends Bahh shoulder first into the post though and the Brothers take over. Bahh shouts a lot as the two of them beat him up, including Jake ripping at Bahh’s mouth.

One heck of a crossbody crushes Dave but Jake prevents the hot tag, which might not be the brightest idea in the world. Dave gets sent to the floor but manages to pull Scarlett off the apron before Bahh can get to her. For some reason Jake tries a sunset flip and gets crushed, allowing the tag to Scarlett. Some headscissors have the Brothers in trouble and a double high crossbody sets up Bahh’s double suicide dive.

Scarlett’s top rope flip dive takes both of them down again as the fans deem this awesome. Back in and Jake slams Scarlett, sending Callis through the roof. You mean someone is mad because they got beaten up? Scarlett is right back with a reverse hurricanrana and it’s a Doomsday Device for two on Dave (she’s from Chicago). The double Banzai Drop misses though and Scarlett is rocked, allowing Jake to hit Bahh with a roll of quarters for the pin at 10:24.

Rating: C-. I’m really not sure about this one, but the negatives outweigh the positives. First of all, Scarlett did not embarrass herself in the slightest out there. She’s clearly a well trained and experienced worker so this is far from Sable back in the day. At the same time though, I have a hard time buying that Scarlett and Bahh are a real threat to former Tag Team Champions.

There comes a point where it’s hard to believe what is being presented and while they did not go past that, they walked the line as close as you can. What took me out of it was how fast Scarlett was taken down by basic offense. A slam and a missed Banzai Drop stun her? That doesn’t bode well for the future and suggests a lot of suspension of disbelief in these matches. Intergender matches can work and Scarlett has the talent to make them believable, but they have to be done right.

Post match the Crists go after Scarlett again but Tessa Blanchard makes the save, including Magnum to Jake. So is man vs. woman Tessa’s thing now? I get that she’s better than the rest of the Knockouts, but I’m not sure how well this is going to go.

Willie Mack doesn’t like the idea of Elgin taking food off his plate so it’s time to stop Elgin. Rich Swann says he has his back. Johnny Impact comes in to say that bad times are coming. Rich is about to be on the Johnny Impact diet because after Slammiversary, he’ll be ten pounds lighter.

Callihan yells at the Crists and promises to take care of the Knockouts.

Kiera Hogan vs. Jordynne Grace

Hogan hits her in the face a few times and scores with a dropkick but charges into a boot in the corner. A middle rope backsplash gives Grace two and the one armed delayed Jackhammer gets two. Kiera is smart enough to hide in the corner to sucker Grace in and choke away, followed by a basement dropkick for two of her own.

There’s something like a one knee Codebreaker for two more, but Grace is right back with a spinebuster. Some running knees in the corner have Hogan in more trouble and her attempt at a super sunset bomb goes rather badly. A kick to the head misses Grace and the Grace Driver finishes Hogan at 7:58.

Rating: C-. Hogan’s heel turn isn’t all that interesting yet as the division already has enough top heels, but Grace needed a win to get some more momentum. It’s not a good match or anything, but Grace got to show off the power and it’s not like losing to her is some devastating moment.

Konnan yells at LAX for not taking the Rascalz seriously. Santana: “They’re from Toledo!”

Moose doesn’t like ECW legends being around here twenty years past their prime and wants Rob Van Dam at Slammiversary. And he’s the heel in this?

Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Rascalz

Zachary Wentz/Dezmond Xavier for the challenging Rascalz here with Konnan and Trey Miguel at ringside. Wentz and Ortiz feel things out to start as Konnan tells commentary to talk nicely about him. Dez comes in and kicks Ortiz to the floor, followed by a running double stomp to Santana’s back. That means the back to back dives to the floor as the champs are in early trouble. Back in and a Swanton into the Final Flash gets two on Santana as we take a break.

We come back with Ortiz hitting a middle rope DDT on Wentz, followed by a German suplex to give Santana two. The champs’ double teaming starts until a missed charge allows the hot tag to Dez. That means the pace picks up with a suicide dive from Dez and a tag back to Wentz. A sunset flip sends Santana across the ring but he rolls into a cutter on Dez, leaving Wentz to get rolled up for two.

Everyone is down for a bit until Dez breaks up the champs’ double belly to back faceplant. Instead Wentz gets powerslammed but Ortiz gets annoyed at Miguel for stealing his flask. The contents of said flask are spat in the referee’s face so Wentz hits a springboard cutter on Santana. Miguel comes in with a top rope Meteora with another referee (one who doesn’t seem to have been paying attention) to count the pin for the titles at 14:25.

Rating: B. The ending seems to be setting up another match but I’m not sure how far they can go with a story of the third member of the team stealing a pin. That being said, I’d like to see these teams again, but that’s partially because the Rascalz have been rather awesome since their debut. A good rematch at Slammiversary could be pretty entertaining. As for the match itself, it was the usual awesome, fast paced match you would expect from these teams.

Or not as the first referee wakes up to say it’s a DQ so LAX retains.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t the best show in the world, but the lack of the ECW stars helped a lot. Throw in a good main event and an effective Fulton squash and the good was just enough to even out the bad. Tweak a few things that aren’t going so well and you could have a fine show here. The stories are interesting and, again, when they ignore the cheap nostalgia stories, they’re quite fun to watch. There was some stuff in here that could have been better, but what they had was enough to keep me interested and not get on my nerves, so they’re heading in the right direction.

Oh and because Impact: Pursuit aired last week’s episode so the only way to see this was if you watched on Twitch. They can’t even go too weeks without some kind of gaffe, but who else is going to take them?

Results

Ace Austin b. Cousin Jake – The Fold

Rosemary b. Taya Valkyrie via DQ when Havok interfered

Madman Fulton b. Fox Vinier/Michael Emineo – Swinging Downward Spiral to Vinier

Crists b. Fallah Bahh/Scarlett Bordeaux – Jake hit Bahh with a roll of quarters

Jordynne Grace b. Kiera Hogan – Grace Driver

LAX b. Rascalz when Trey Miguel interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s History Of In Your House (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/05/31/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-in-your-house/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 17, 2019
Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re off to Philadelphia now and you can feel the ECW chants starting from here. I’m not sure what we can expect here, but Brian Cage is still banged up and injured, meaning we don’t have a major story at the moment. Rob Van Dam seems to be prominently featured around here though and that isn’t likely to go well for anyone outside of the live audience. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Knockouts Battle Royal

Madison Rayne, Kiera Hogan, Alisha Edwards, Jordynne Grace, Tessa Blanchard, Scarlett Bordeaux, Solo Darling, Tasha Steelz, Karissa Rivera, Ashley Vox

Hold on though as here’s Glenn Gilbertti to insult the Knockouts. He says Scarlett’s victory over him was a one off fluke and this is a great way to get kicked off TV. The only reason this should be happening is if it was a bra and panties battle royal. Glenn comes in, gets pounded down, and bails to the floor to do commentary. Everyone actually in the match brawls and an early Blanchard vs. Grace showdown is broken up.

The fighting continues with Tasha hitting a running hurricanrana to send Tessa into the corner. Gilbertti complains about the lack of scantily clad women, showing that he doesn’t understand the meaning of “scantily clad”. Edwards hits an Edge-O-Matic on Darling, who also takes a piledriver from Grace. A parade of secondary finishers ensues as Glenn moves on to insulting the WNBA. Rivera and Vox go to the apron and get knocked out by Tessa to get us down to eight.

Steelz gets sent to the apron as well and a superkick….doesn’t get rid of her for some reason. Solo takes her back to the apron for a reverse DDT and the elimination but Tessa gets rid of Solo as well. Tessa isn’t done as she gorilla pressed Edwards onto the pile as we’re halfway done. Kiera slips out of Grace’s Muscle Buster and hits a superkick, with Tessa coming over to help get rid of Grace.

Scarlett hits the running hip attack into the Stinkface on Madison as Glenn talks about still being in this match. Oh please tell me that’s not what we’re doing. Taya Valkyrie comes down and gets in a cheap shot on Madison, leading to a quick elimination. Back from a break with Tessa getting double teamed by Kiera and Scarlett….until Kiera turns on Scarlett for the elimination. They fight to the apron and Tessa dumps her, drawing Glenn back in for the running clothesline and elimination for the win at 13:54.

Rating: D. So Tessa has the match of matches with Gail Kim at Rebellion and her followup is doing the same feud with freaking Disco Inferno that Scarlett just did? I know Impact is obsessed with this intergender stuff at the moment but Tessa beating up comedy guys isn’t an interesting way to go or a good usage of her talents. This was your usual battle royal, with the ending that I can’t stand for the sake of setting up what should be a squash win for Tessa. What a great thing for television.

Post match Glenn runs away.

Announcers recap.

We see a clip from after last week’s show when Michael Elgin attacked Willie Mack in the parking lot and left him laying.

Elgin is here because he’s tired of waiting in line. He’s sent a lot of people to the hospital but here’s Rich Swann to get in Elgin’s face. The brawl is broken up in a hurry.

Rosemary vs. Su Yung

Demon Collar match which is a Dog Collar match with pins and submissions. They both spray mist and it’s time to slug it out with Rosemary throwing her down by the neck. The Upside Down sends Yung to the floor and Rosemary hangs her over the corner. Since strangulation doesn’t work on her, Yung is fine enough to pull her throat first into the middle buckle and take over.

Now it’s Rosemary getting choked in a chair, followed by a Cannonball off the apron to knock her off the chair. A double clothesline in the aisle puts both of them down. Back in and Rosemary gets two off a reverse DDT but Yung hits her in the face with the chain for the same. Something close to a hanging Pedigree gets two more and the Mandible Claw goes on. That’s broken up with a chain shot though and Rosemary gets in the mist. A spear into the Red Wedding gives Rosemary the pin at 9:01.

Rating: D+. The collar and chain didn’t offer much here outside of a few quick spots and that’s not exactly what I was hoping for. Then again, that kind of applies to the entire feud, which has been going for months without actually getting very far. Yung has been completely ruined as a heel and it seems that the story is just going to keep going no matter how low she gets. Not the worst, but nothing that felt important.

Madison rants to Melissa Santos about getting the Knockouts Title shot from Taya. The title has to be defended next week and Madison is getting what belongs to her.

Madman Fulton vs. Randy Shawn

Sami Callihan is here with Fulton and instructs him to kill Shawn. A one handed toss sends Shawn across the ring and Shawn’s chops have as much effect as you would expect. Fulton kicks him in the face and hits a pair of chokeslams, followed by a swinging Downward Spiral for the pin at 2:20. Total squash, as it should be.

Rob Van Dam is glad to be back in Philadelphia and glad to still be on top. Next week: RVD vs. Tommy Dreamer. Great.

The Impact Wrestling doctor joins us and uses a bunch of medical lingo to say Cage is hurt. It’s not clear when he’s going to be back. This is done in an interview with the investigative reporter and I’m still not sure what the joke is supposed to be with him. It’s been going on for months and he’s not funny or anything more than just a backstage interview with a job title. What’s the point?

Killer Kross vs. Eddie Edwards

Kross has Kenny so the fight is on in a hurry with Eddie sending him outside for the big dive. The suicide dive connects as well but Kross is right back up with a bunch of stomping in the corner. A knee to the ribs and clothesline give Kross two and it’s time to choke on the rope. Eddie tells him to kick him harder before grabbing a Blue Thunder Bomb for no cover.

A super hurricanrana into a running chop (odd combination) gives Eddie one and Kross is angry. Eddie forearms away anyway and grabs a tiger bomb for two. The Boston Knee Party misses though and Kross grabs his face to send Eddie outside. Eddie finds Kenny but walks into the Doomsday Saito for the pin at 7:01.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but it seems to be part of a bigger story. Eddie is starting to get into this role but the talk of him idolizing Tommy Dreamer doesn’t give me a good feeling when we’re in ECW land. Kross playing Eli Drake is interesting, though quite the downgrade as Drake is a lot better in the ring. This company can jettison talent though as they have Van Dam and Dreamer to fall back on though right?

Post match Kross zip ties Eddie to the ropes and breaks Kenny.

The Rascalz talk about weird food before going to train, in montage form no less. They’re uh, not very good at this stuff.

Flashback Moment of the Week: LAX vs. OGz from Slammiversary 2018.

Josh Alexander yells at Ethan Page for going after Rob Van Dam instead of the Tag Team Titles. Moose comes in and tells them to go after the titles, but after they get rid of Van Dam.

Michael Elgin vs. Rich Swann

Non-title and the very angry Swann still manages to dance to the ring. Swann goes for a headlock to start but a shoulder works as well as you would have expected. Elgin backflips away so Swann dropkicks him in the side of the head as Josh runs down house shows. The handspring elbow is countered and Swann gets sent into the corner. A scary release German suplex sends Swann down on his head and a single chop takes him down again.

Elgin’s slingshot splash gets two but Swann gets in a kick to the face. Swann heads up so Elgin dropkicks him out of the air as the athletic freak stuff continues. A DDT gets Swann out of a powerbomb and Elgin gets knocked outside for some running flip dives. Back in and a top rope elbow gives Swann two as we take a break. We come back with Elgin elbowing him in the face and nailing some running splashes in the corner.

A Blue Thunder Bomb gives Elgin two more and Swann is in big trouble. Some standing clotheslines don’t put Swann down so he nails a superkick. That’s fine with Elgin, who hits a swinging Side Effect for two. Elgin takes him up top but gets countered into a super hurricanrana. The Lethal Injection sets up the middle rope 450 for two on Elgin. The Phoenix splash misses though and Elgin plants him with a sitout Razor’s Edge bomb for a rather near fall.

A buckle bomb looks to set up the Elgin Bomb but Rich counters with a pair of reverse hurricanranas. The spinning kick to the head drops Elgin for a delayed two and Elgin rolls to the floor. Swann makes the mistake of diving at him and gets powerbombed into the post twice in a row. The third in a row, plus a shove of the referee, is enough to get Elgin disqualified at 20:20.

Rating: B+. This was a heck of a match with Swann fighting as long as he could but not being able to survive the onslaught. One of the keys here though was Elgin going for the kill instead of the pin and Swann not taking the fall. There’s enough of a difference between losing via DQ and getting pinned and it makes sense to protect the champion a little bit more. Elgin looked like a killer though and now we wait for Cage to show up and finally stop him, which should be awesome.

Post match the beatdown is still on until Willie Mack makes the save. Johnny Impact runs in and takes out Mack. A knee to Swann’s head leaves Impact and Elgin staring each other down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show took some time to get going and the main event helped erase a lot of the problems. As annoying as the Gilbertti stuff and ECW praise were, the storyline advancement helped a lot with Elgin being built up even more helped out a lot. Cage being gone is actually a nice thing at the moment and he’ll be back for the next tapings, meaning things should be moving forward. I liked this show more than I thought I would, but Van Dam vs. Dreamer next week is going to make my head hurt. What we got this week worked though and that’s a nice change of pace after the last few weeks.

Results

Glenn Gilbertti won a battle royal last eliminating Tessa Blanchard

Rosemary b. Su Yung – Red Wedding

Madman Fulton b. Randy Shawn – Swinging Downward Spiral

Killer Kross b. Eddie Edwards – Doomsday Saito

Rich Swann b. Michael Elgin via DQ when Elgin powerbombed Swann against the post

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 3, 2019
Location: Rebel Sports Entertainment Complex, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re past the rather good Rebellion show and the big story is Brian Cage winning the World Title but injuring his back so badly that he won’t be on TV for the time being. With the champ gone, odds are we’re going to be focusing on the #1 contendership, which could go in a variety of ways. Ok so it’s pretty clear who it’s going to be but there are options. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of Rebellion, which was one of their best shows in a long time.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Michael Elgin (who debuted after the World Title match and laid out Cage) for a chat. Elgin talks about the time honored tradition of a new World Champion coming out to celebrate his title win with the new champ. So where is Cage now? That would be in the hospital, but Elgin has more important things to worry about. On Sunday, the Canadian fans cheered for Cage instead of sticking up for their Canadian heroes, like him. He left Japan to come here and be World Champion so he should get a title shot.

This brings out Johnny Impact (all in white for a cool look) to say he’s seen the muscle man with no brain, but this one doesn’t have hair. Elgin says Johnny’s testicles are in his wife’s purse, which Impact points out is Versace and expensive, unlike Elgin’s Highspots gear. Impact takes the credit for sending Elgin to the hospital but Elgin says it was the Elgin Bomb that left Cage laying. We hear about the rematch clause….and here’s Konnan to interrupt.

After making a gay joke, he talks about the main event on Sunday and how the Lucha Bros are familia. Pentagon should be getting the next title shot but Impact says he’s played games of Mario Kart that lasted longer than Pentagon’s title reign. Konnan: “Kind of like your movie career.” Elgin grabs Konnan so here’s Pentagon for the save and the brawl is on. With the champ gone, this is as good as anything else and they were smart to start the show hot to distract from the lack of Cage.

Tonight: Pentagon vs. Elgin vs. Impact for the #1 contendership.

We look at Cage getting injured on Sunday.

Preview for the rest of the night.

Ace Austin vs. Petey Williams

The fans sing O Canada for Williams as Impact continues to book for the live crowd instead of the larger audience. Petey headscissors him out to the floor to start but Ace hits a forearm to send Petey outside. That means a suicide dive and Austin’s rather impressive flips on the apron to frustrate Petey again. Back in and Ace gets caught in the Tree of Woe so Petey stands on his crotch for O Canada, earning himself a German superplex.

Ace pulls out a card to slice open Petey’s finger but Petey is right back with his swinging Russian legsweep. A kick to the head gives Austin two and the swinging double underhook slam is good for the same. Petey is right back with the Sharpshooter to send Austin bailing to the ropes so it’s a springboard spinning Fameasser to drop Petey again. The Fold misses so Petey hits his lifting Downward Spiral, only to get enziguried on top. Now the Fold can connect to give Austin for the pin at 7:19.

Rating: C. This was fine for a quick match with the right guy winning, which is about all you cak ask for with Petey. He shouldn’t be winning anything significant and the fans like him enough so this isn’t that bad. At least Austin won though, which is a good sign as I could see him being a success very soon.

Rosemary still has the Undead Maid of Honor on the chain and takes her to find a firefly.

OVE wants an eight man tag against Rich Swann next week, with any three people Swann can find. Anything goes.

Rosemary vs. Kiera Hogan

Rosemary has the Maid of Honor on the chain and ties her to the post in a smart move. Kiera starts fast and sends Rosemary into the corner for a running kick to the face. A side slam gets Rosemary out of trouble but a fireman’s carry doesn’t work. Some low superkicks give Kiera two but Rosemary is right back with a release German suplex. The Upside Down makes it even worse for Kiera so she sends Rosemary out onto the ramp. With Rosemary in trouble, cue Su Yung and the Undead Bridesmaids to jump Rosemary for the DQ at 4:27.

Rating: D+. Not much to this one, but Kiera is starting to get better and better in the ring every week. She has a charisma to her which makes her look like a stronger force and that’s a good sign for her future. Rosemary’s story is still going, though I’m not sure they know how to get to wherever they’re going.

Post match Su frees the Maid of Honor and everyone destroys Rosemary. Kiera thinks about making the save but leaves.

Taya Valkyrie brags about how awesome she is when Madison Rayne comes in to say she’s 2-0 against Taya and should get a title shot. Taya blows her off and tells Melissa Santos to come with her.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle get in a brawl.

Taya says she doesn’t have to defend her title for thirty days so next week, Madison’s match is non-title.

Konnan and LAX celebrate their title win and count money. They’re not worried about the North and then they get to go to the Rascalz’ clubhouse. For now though, training time.

Eddie Edwards vs. Fenix

Hang on though as Eddie doesn’t want to put Kenny down. We get a rather over the top handshake before they lock up, with Fenix taking him to the mat without much trouble. It’s back up to another standoff until Fenix sends him to the floor, meaning Eddie needs to bring Kenny in. With that taken away, Fenix hits a Pele kick and rolls forward, only to have to back away from another stick threat.

They go outside with Eddie hitting a chop against the barricade as Killer Kross is watching from the stage. Back in and now the rolling forearm connects for Fenix, setting up a crucifix bomb for two. Eddie gets two of his own off a powerbomb but stops to stare at Kross. Fenix uses the distraction to hit the rolling cutter but Eddie is right back with a tiger driver for two more. Kross offers Kenny to Eddie, but won’t let him take it. That means a superkick and the Black Fire Driver to give Fenix the pin at 8:03.

Rating: B-. Fun match (well duh) with some angle advancement as Fenix was his usual great self. What catches my attention here though is Eddie, who has gone from clean cut wrestler to this in the span of just a few months. I want to see what happens with him and how far he can take this, which seems to be a very long way given how talented he really is.

Tommy Dreamer offers his services to Rich Swann for next week. Scarlett Bordeaux, with smoke, comes in to offer Fallah Bahh as well.

Here’s an old looking Rob Van Dam to greet the “Impact Universe”. He knows the talent is great here so he isn’t going to list off all the classic matches he could have here so it’s time to show the difference between who you met on TV and the Whole F’N Show. This brings out Ethan Page with a couple of chairs, which he says must excite Van Dam. Tonight he’s going to show Van Dam a fresh way to use these chairs, by sitting down in one of them and offering Rob the other one.

Page doesn’t like the idea of Van Dam being a hero and the inspiration for everyone’s offense. Page: “Clearly you’ve never watched an Ethan Page match.” Van Dam: “Nope.” Rob gets the bucket list thing of being in the ring with him and is ready to fight right now. Page tells him to take some medicine and calm down so they can do this next week. The Van Daminator leaves Page laying.

Post break Josh Alexander yells at Page for not thinking about the North. Moose comes in and tells them to win the Tag Team Titles.

Video on Gail Kim vs. Tessa Blanchard with Gail talking about being glad to give Tessa that moment. The loss makes things feel complete.

Tully Blanchard congratulated Tessa on her win and talks about how proud he is of her. He knows Tessa and Gail respect each other, just like he respected the people who beat him up back in the day.

Preview for next week’s show.

Michael Elgin vs. Johnny Impact vs. Pentagon

For the #1 contendership. Pentagon goes straight for the rollup on Elgin and it’s already a standoff. Elgin gets sent to the floor and pulls Impact with him, allowing Pentagon to dropkick both of them through the ropes. Impact tries a springboard but gets pulled down into an apron bomb, leaving Pentagon to take a German suplex inside. Pentagon kicks him off the top though and goes up top, only to have to chop Elgin in the chest.

That has no effect so it’s Impact springboarding back in for the German superplex as Elgin superplexes Impact. Elgin plants Pentagon again and suplexes Impact onto him and it’s time to start wrecking things. Impact survives enough to kick Elgin off the top as well, setting up a spinning Razor’s Edge slam. Countdown to Impact misses (it’s going to hit one day and it’s going to be amazing) and Elgin hits three straight kicks to the face.

Now it’s Pentagon coming back in with a Pentagon Driver to Elgin and a powerbomb backbreaker for two on Impact. Elgin gets knocked to the floor and Impact….I’m not sure what he does actually but I think he kicked Pentagon by mistake instead of coming down onto Elgin. Some chair shots have Pentagon down but Elgin is fine enough to blast Impact with a clothesline. The Elgin Bomb is good for the pin and the title shot at 10:48.

Rating: C+. This was all about having Elgin win and that’s what matters most, especially with him pinning Impact. Pentagon can come back later on and get somewhere on his own, which is what probably should happen going forward. If nothing else, Impact can get back into the title scene just by being the former champion, though I hope we don’t get a triple threat title match out of this. They did things right here and Cage vs. Elgin could be great.

Overall Rating: B-. Pretty strong show for the most part here with solid wrestling and storytelling, with some things moving forward between now and Slammiversary. If that’s the case in the future, Impact is doing a lot better than I expected. This was a rather nice show and I liked just about everything I saw, which is a pretty rare accomplishment in just about any wrestling company.

Results

Ace Austin b. Petey Williams – The Fold

Rosemary b. Kiera Hogan via DQ when Su Yung and the Undead Bridesmaids interfered

Fenix b. Eddie Edwards – Black Fire Driver

Michael Elgin b. Johnny Impact and Pentagon – Elgin Bomb to Impact

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: Impact Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: April 12, 2019
Location: St. Clair’s College, Windsor, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Don Callis, Josh Matthews

We’re about two weeks away from Rebellion and you can see most of the card from here. That’s a good sign as you should be able to know what you’re getting this close to the pay per view and it’s looking pretty solid on paper. The problem is they rarely get beyond solid and it would be nice to move forward for a change. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Moose vs. Zachary Wentz

Wentz goes for a wristlock to start and Moose throws him around for the easy escape. A lot bridge puts Moose on the floor for an apron superkick and Wentz is actually able to muscle him back in. That’s not a good idea as it’s a running corner dropkick to put him down again and Moose sends Wentz flying. The referee does at least yell at Moose before he chokes away on the ropes a bit more.

The other Rascalz can only watch as it’s an apron bomb to knock Wentz even sillier. Moose throws him back in but stops to pose, allowing Wentz to hit a dive. Back in and some running knees in the corner rock Moose, setting up a springboard crossbody for two. A high crossbody (minus the springboard) is countered into a gorilla press toss over the top onto the other Rascalz. The spear finishes Wentz at 8:36.

Rating: C. This mini feud has been far more entertaining than it should be, though I’m not sure where it goes. Does Moose just beat all three of them and then move on to something else? That’s not the best usage of a rather talented team, though maybe they can come up with something else before Moose runs through them all.

Rob Van Dam is back full time.

Rob is glad to be back and hopes his magnetic waist still has it.

Madison Rayne isn’t letting her loss to Jordynne Grace get to her because the goal is the Knockouts Title. Tessa Blanchard comes in to say that the glory days are over. Madison brings up beating Tessa twice and is fine with doing it a third time.

Rosemary vs. Su Yung

Yung has her usual army of bridesmaids with her. Rosemary charges straight at her and hammers away as she continues to blame Su for the loss of Allie. The upside down triangle choke over the ropes has Yung in more trouble but she gets out and starts in on the knee. A dragon screw legwhip sends Rosemary down and it’s time to bring out the bloody glove.

That takes too long though and a reverse DDT puts both of them down. A German suplex doesn’t work on Yung so Rosemary spears her, drawing the bridesmaids up to the apron. Cue Kiera Hogan to go after them but Rosemary doesn’t want to hear it. The Bridesmaids jump her for the DQ at 5:30.

Rating: D+. This was more storyline based than anything else and that’s ok for the most part. It’s interesting that Yung is now being pushed at a stronger level than where she was when Allie was in her corner. The story can continue, though you could argue that it should have ended a long time ago.

Post match Hogan is forced to watch as Rosemary gets beaten down. Hogan gets a Panic Switch of her own.

Video on United We Stand. Tommy Dreamer thinks it feels like ECW. I know it’s not the same thing, but Impact surpassed the initial success of ECW a long time ago. That’s not the greatest compliment in the world. The wrestlers are fired up over making it such a success. I’d have to see a failure.

Ace Austin isn’t happy with Aiden Prince costing him the six way scramble last week and wants revenge.

GWN Flashback of the Week: Taylor Wilde vs. Angelina Love, I believe from No Surrender 2008.

Killer Kross talks to Willie Mack about….jazz music? Speaking of jazz, Rich Swann likes jazz and is playing Swann for a fool. Wouldn’t be shocking actually.

The Deaners are still coming.

North vs. Sheldon Jean/El Reverso

That would be Josh Alexander/Ethan Page. Alexander and Reverso start things off and it’s quickly off to Jean, who gets his arm cranked. Reverso comes back in and gets caught in an assisted spinning sitout DDT from Page. A spinning backbreaker keeps Reverso in trouble and a powerbomb backbreaker from Alexander makes it even worse. Reverso gets over for the tag to Sheldon, who comes in with a springboard clothesline. Alexander cuts him off at the knees though and it’s a series of strikes to Reverso’s head, setting up a reverse AA into a whip spinebuster for the pin at 5:25.

Rating: D+. The North (not a good name) looked nice enough together and some of their double teaming was rather impressive. That being said, they shouldn’t give up so much offense in their debut, let alone to two unknowns. I mean, his name is El Reverso. How much should he be getting in?

Gail Kim doesn’t want to hear Tessa talk.

The North is here to stay.

Madison Rayne vs. Tessa Blanchard

Gail is on commentary. Madison doesn’t like Tessa shoving her in the face to start so she gets in a kick to the ribs. A rope walk hurricanrana sends Tessa outside for a few seconds but she’s right back in for some dropkicks to the back. Tessa’s suplex makes it even worse and we hit the chinlock….as we look at Gail for the fourth time in less than three minutes. Madison gets caught in the corner for a Codebreaker and we take a break.

Back with Madison hitting some forearms and a dropkick as we look at Gail AGAIN. Tessa’s spinning full nelson faceplant gets two and a double slingshot suplex is good for the same. The frustration sets in as we look at Gail for the eighth time in about ten minutes. Tessa grabs a chair but Gail takes it away, allowing Madison to get a rollup pin at 13:57.

Rating: C. I knew the Gail Kim love would be strong and that’s what we got here with the ridiculous amount of cutting over to her. The story is good and has been well built up, but I’m scared that they’re going to give Gail the win instead of going with the move that makes sense. Madison was her usual self here, which is exactly the kind of thing they brought her back in to do.

Post match Tessa yells at commentary.

Eddie Edwards and Eli Drake ask the Lucha Bros for a Tag Team Title shot but LAX comes in for the double beatdown.

The Deaners are still coming.

Johnny Impact says someone as dumb as Brian Cage only comes around once every thousand years. Now he has a fan club in Jordynne Grace that he can do food prep with. Taya Valkyrie implies that Grace and Cage are sleeping together to get under Melissa Santos’ skin.

OVE calls Rich Swann a walking dumpster fire. Swann stabbed them in the back and at Rebellion, they’re taking the X-Division Title.

Tessa promises to make it personal with Gail.

Rob Van Dam is back soon.

Fallah Bahh can’t find KM so he goes into the women’s dressing room and finds Scarlett Bordeaux. She doesn’t mind and agrees to team with him next week.

Johnny Impact/Taya Valkyrie vs. Jordynne Grace/Brian Cage

Taya is willing to start with Cage but she gets run over by Grace to start instead. They trade whips into the corner with Grace hitting a Cannonball, sending Taya over for a tag. Johnny is good though and bails to the floor to avoid having to face Cage. We take a break and come back with Johnny backing off from Cage, who shrugs off a superkick.

The fall away slam sends Johnny down but the springboard corkscrew crossbody staggers Cage just a bit. One heck of a clothesline blasts Impact and a backdrop gets way more height than it should be able to. Johnny finally slides between the legs and dives over to Taya. A trip to Grace lets Taya take over with a Jeff Hardy legdrop between the legs for two. Taya cranks on the arm and a running hip attack keeps Grace in trouble. That just means a sitout powerbomb out of the corner to plant Taya and a roll into the corner allows the tag to Cage.

Rating: D+. It’s like they’ve run out of good ideas to keep this feud going so they’re going to the most basic booking tropes they can think of. The crooked referee isn’t one of my favorite stories and while it’s better than watching them have the same matches over and over, this feud needed to end about two months ago and it’s just going on and on.

Post match Cage gets beaten down so Impact and Taya can pose with the referee. Johnny kisses Taya to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not their best show here as they’ve spent way too long on a lot of these stories and need something fresh. Impact has always had issues with making their main event stories seem epic and knowing when to end a feud, both of which are on full display here. It’s not a bad show by any stretch but it didn’t make me want to see Rebellion, which I’m often forgetting about in general. Just get to something fresh and make it more interesting.

Results

Moose b. Zachary Wentz – Spear

Rosemary b. Su Yung via DQ when the Undead Bridesmaids interfered

The North b. Sheldon Gene/El Reverso – Assisted whip spinebuster to Reverso

Madison Rayne b. Tessa Blanchard – Rollup

Johnny Impact/Taya Valkyrie b. Brian Cage/Jordynne Grace – Knee to Cage’s head

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WrestlePro

Does Funny = Money?
Date: April 3, 2019
Location: Rahway Recreation Center, Rahway, New Jersey
Commentators: David Sturchill, McKenzie Mitchell

This is from WrestlePro, a promotion I’ve heard about before but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a full show. From the description, it seems like it’s going to be a comedy show and that’s appropriate given that it’s the first show of Wrestlemania weekend. Hopefully the show has some redeeming value to it, but I’m not getting my hopes up. Let’s get to it.

As usual: I have no idea what’s going on around here so if I miss storyline/character stuff, I apologize in advance.

The host tries to introduce the first match but McKenzie Mitchell (former Impact backstage interviewer) interrupts. She thinks the host needs a co-host and a fan poll convinces him to let her.

Bobby Wayward vs. Kikutaro

Kikutaro is a Japanese comedy guy in a weird looking mask. Wayward takes him up against the ropes for a clean break and Kikutaro applauds his politeness. Kikutaro does the same and it’s off to an exchange of shoulders. Some armdrags into an armbar has Wayward in trouble until he pulls Kikutaro throat first into the top rope. Hang on though as Kikutaro wants time out. Ever the scoundrel, Wayward stomps him down anyway as the slow pace continues.

With nothing else working, Kikutaro whips the referee into Wayward in the corner. The low blow behind the referee’s back has Wayward in more trouble but he’s fine enough to do the same to Kikutaro. There’s a low blow to the referee as well and everyone is grabbing….yeah. Kikutaro Hulks Up and gets kicked in the face to Hulk him back down. Wayward grabs a fisherman’s suplex for two but the referee collapses before three. The referee gets whipped into the corner but Kikutaro reverses it and the referee clotheslines Wayward. Now the referee DDTs him and a Shining Wizard gives Kikutaro the pin at 9:47.

Rating: D+. Oh I’m in for a long night. This wasn’t exactly my style of wrestling but that’s the point of the show so I should have known what I was getting myself into. Kikutaro doesn’t exactly make me laugh but having him beat up a villain like Wayward is about as good as you were going to get here.

Here’s Dan Lambert (American Top Team owner who showed up in Impact and was the best villain in the company for awhile) with Colby Covington (UFC Champion) and John Harnett to issue a challenge to the locker room. Wrestling today sucks so if Lambert wants to watch good wrestling, he’ll have to watch on YouTube. Lambert lists off some great wrestlers and the fans applaud, which isn’t the best way to go. He was told that WrestlePro was better but after what he’s seen, he knows that his instincts were right: today’s wrestling sucks. Cue Scarlett Bordeaux and we have an answer to the challenge.

Scarlett Bordeaux vs. John Harnett

Scarlett goes straight at him and slaps away in the corner, setting up a running hip attack. An over the back reverse kneeling piledriver finishes Harnett at 55 seconds. Well that proved the point well enough.

Post match Lambert shoves Scarlett down and pulls out a board but Scarlett spears Harnett through it instead.

Pat Buck vs. Santana Jackson

Buck is a big star around here and has a cage around his head. He’s also called the Buzzkiller because he’s beating anyone with any kind of buzz. Buck isn’t having any of Santana’s Michael Jackson dancing (REALLY bad timing with that one) so he tries a test of strength. That’s broken up with more dancing and a dancing top rope wristdrag ticks Buck off so badly that he fires off a clothesline. A spinning Tombstone makes it worse….but Jackson sits up as Thriller starts to play.

Jackson hits a Stunner into a dancing People’s Elbow but Buck gets serious. In something a little different, Jackson grabs Buck’s hand and makes him punch himself low, which technically isn’t illegal. The Moonwalk DDT gets two and Buck bails to the floor, setting up a suicide dive (with Jackson losing a shoe). Buck carries him back inside for an AA over the top, setting up something close to the One Winged Angle (pulling the arm instead of lowering the head) for the pin at 6:14.

Rating: C. Now that was a little more like it as Jackson’s stuff was actually funny at times, with the Thriller bit being an actually good gag. Buck winning is the better move of course as you rarely want a comedy guy going over a top star but at least they did something good here with Jackson getting some strong reactions.

Johnny Clash vs. Anthony Bowens vs. Jake Manning vs. Matt Macintosh

Clash is the Create-A-Pro Champion though I don’t think the title is on the line. The same seems to be true of Macintosh’s WrestlePro Gold Title. Manning brings his tent with him because we need a prop that big. The tent is in the middle of the ring but Macintosh (The Bad Apple. Get it?) throws it out so they can, you know, wrestle. Macintosh sends Manning into the post as Clash and Bowens fight in the ring.

Macintosh’s jumping knee to the head rocks Bowens and he gets tied in the Tree of Woe for a boot to the crotch. Macintosh: “HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES???” Manning grabs a headlock and reads the scout manual, which has Mackenzie wondering what passage he’s picked. Back up and Macintosh keeps running the ropes as Manning has stepped aside to read in peace. Bowens is back up with a low superkick to Clash but Manning has found….a rope? Clash gets tied up and then untied for some dizzifying effects.

Manning makes it even worse with an airplane spin and then Bowens adds one of his own. A collision puts Bowens and Clash down and it’s time to throw the tent in again. Everyone but Manning gets thrown in and he zips it shut….but gets pulled in as what seems to be a struggle ensues. The fans call it awesome, because this is a shaking tent crowd. Clash dives over the top onto Bowens and Macintosh dives onto both of them.

Manning throws the tent onto them and while he can carry it by himself, three people can’t manage to have it dropped all of a foot and a half onto their raised arms. Back in and Bowens hits a Blockbuster for two on Macintosh with Clash making the save. Manning throws the tent in AGAIN (ok the joke is old now) but Bowens elbows him into it. Manning gets out of the tent and it’s a Tower of Doom through the tent (devastating McKenzie) to give Manning the pin on Macintosh at 10:38.

Rating: D+. The tent was a funny idea but they went back to it over and over to diminishing returns. I was sick of the thing at the end and the whole thing would have been better off if it was about two minutes shorter. The wrestlers were fairly talented though and I could see them moving up to bigger promotions later on. Maybe not Manning as he’s a rather gimmicky character, but the other three have a chance.

Team Tremendous vs. Demon Bunny

Team Tremendous is Dan Barry and Bill Carr (both detectives for some reason) while Demon Bunny is Rosemary/Allie, who are apparently best friends outside of the ring. That’s always cool to see. Team Tremendous steals belts from the crowd, along with the Gold Title which was left at ringside from the previous match, and throws them inside. With that out of the way, Barry and Allie start things up.

Allie works on the arm but Barry dances his way into a wristlock. Some armdrags into an armbar have Barry in trouble and it’s off to Rosemary to stay on the arm. The women keep alternating on the arm as this isn’t exactly funny so far. Rosemary pulls his nose so it’s off to the much bigger Carr, who sticks up his fingers like a gun. As Allie surrenders, Rosemary bites the fingers and it’s back to Barry for a dropkick. Carr can’t bring himself to chop Rosemary though so Barry comes in again, this time to get choked over the ropes.

A top rope DDT sends Barry into the corner and the hot tag brings in Allie. Some forearms have no effect on Carr but he misses a charge in the corner, allowing Allie to hit some sliding elbows. Rosemary comes back in and gets planted for her troubles, followed by a reverse Razor’s Edge toss into a Codebreaker to Allie (cool move). That’s broken up at two and the Doomsday Sliced Bread is broken up as well. Rosemary mists Carr and it’s a Codebreaker into a German suplex for the double pin on Barry at 9:35.

Rating: C-. I like Rosemary and Allie but I really don’t get the comedy here. This wasn’t overly funny and could have been on any given show. Team Tremendous come off as a low level team who don’t have a lot of success and probably bragged about how they would win easily here. Not a bad match, but I have no idea why it was on here.

Fifteen minute intermission.

Shawn Donovan vs. Buster Jackson

Bird Box (blindfold) match and Donovan is billed from the fifth floor of Trump Tower. Hang on as the referee is blindfolded as well to make it even more confusing. They take less time to make contact than Jake Roberts and Rick Martel but Jackson ducks away and Donovan yells at the turnbuckle. Jackson takes him down and hammers away as the announcers spoil Bird Box. The referee has barely left the corner as Donovan gets knocked down but comes right back with a slam.

Donovan grabs the referee, who hiptosses him in self defense. A shoulder puts Jackson on the floor and Donovan follows as Jackson gets back in. Not being able to figure out what’s going on, Donovan grabs a chair and hits the post (ala Roberts vs. Martel) before getting back in as well. Donovan finally gets smart and takes his blindfold off but he’s insane (ala the movie) and tries a Swanton with no one on the mat. Jackson covers and, after the referee crawls over (how he knew there was a cover isn’t clear) and checks the shoulders, counts the pin at 6:50.

Rating: F. And that’s supposed to be funny? This was another dumb idea that just kept going despite being a short match. It’s the same problem any match with this gimmick has and there’s no way around it. This isn’t something that works and it was just stupid instead of entertaining or funny. Also, if you haven’t seen Bird Box (which came out a few months ago and isn’t a big deal anymore), this made no sense at all, especially the ending.

Gauntlet Match

When did gauntlet matches become the hottest thing in wrestling? Grim and Freddie IV (pronounced I V, not Four/Fourth) are in first and the Shook Crew (Bryce Donovan and Max Caster with Bobby Orlando) are in second. Freddie is a hippie and keeps giving people flower necklaces but uses one to pull Caster down to get us started. A double hanging suplex (including a limbo) has Caster in trouble so it’s off to Donovan (Two wrestlers on the roster named Donovan?), who gets chopped by the bigger Grim. We get the required Stink Face and Freddie comes in to drop a backsplash on Caster for a bonus.

A big legdrop gets two and Grim does the Whale (a heavy version of the Worm, consisting of dropping down, standing up and dropping down again), sending the Crew out to the floor. Back in and Grim is so winded that he collapses into the corner for the tag to Freddie. A low blow into a rollup with tights gives Donovan the pin at 4:14.

The Breakfast Club (CPA/Kip Francis Stevens) are in third and thankfully they come out to Don’t You Forget About Me (as they should). Once they get to the ring, Caster has laid out cones to create a safe space (because that’s a thing Caster does). It’s a ruse though (Gee you think?) as Orlando is taking Donovan’s place. Orlando hits Caster by mistake and we get the stupid spot of Orlando DDTing Caster by mistake because he can’t just let go.

We go wide and see Grim still out cold due to exhaustion as the match continues. Things settle down to Orlando suplexing CPA for two and Caster grabbing a chinlock. That’s broken up in a hurry and the villains are knocked into the corner in a Human Centipede pose. The hot tag brings in Stevens for a bunch of clotheslines, including one to the freshly conscious Grim. CPA goes to the apron for a dive, followed by a big one from Kip to knock everyone down. Back in and a Hart Attack gets rid of the Crew at 10:08.

Naturally they beat down the Club until Massage Force (Yes MASSAGE FORCE. Dorian Graves and VSK because all you need are initials instead of a full name these days.) is in fourth. The Club gets neck massages until a double rollup gets a double near fall. We settle down to Graves (the masked man, oddly enough) rubbing Stevens’ neck before it’s off to VSK, who gets a massage from Graves. It’s good enough to bring in CPA for two off a missile dropkick.

Another Hart Attack misses so CPA has to hit a suicide dive on Graves instead. Back inside and VSK kicks Stevens in the face for two, followed by a Backstabber for the same. Massage Force wants the oil and it’s VSK sliding across Graves’ back (just go with it) for a headbutt to Stevens’ crotch. A Shatter Machine gets rid of the Club (Why are an accountant and a guy in business casual called the Breakfast Club?) at 17:17.

Job Security (Big Malcolm and Officer Ronald) are in fifth and try to beat the fun out of Massage Force. The World’s Greatest Tag Team’s jump over your partner onto someone’s back gets two on VSK but it’s quickly back to Graves to massage Ronald. A Swanton/reverse DDT combination hits Malcolm and it’s more oil so Malcolm can get sent into Ronald’s crotch. Another Shatter Machine gets rid of Job Security at 21:18.

KM and Fallah Bahh are in sixth and you can tell these two are rather popular here. They seem to like McKenzie, who sounds touched. Bahh puts VSK in a front facelock and adds a splash….before oiling up KM’s back. The slide is more of a crushing this time and everything breaks down. KM and Bahh both roll over Massage Force and they make the referee do it too. That’s not good enough though as they have McKenzie do it as well. A Banzai Drop finishes VSK at 28:22.

And just in case we haven’t gone over the edge already, the BWO (Nova/Blue Meanie) is in seventh. KM works on Nova’s arm for a good while to start, with the announcers wondering how many times a single arm can be turned around. Nova is back with a big boot that knocks KM out of the ring and up the ramp to the stage. Back in and KM wants Meanie….and then tags out to Bahh for the sumo wrestling collision. They argue over NO NO NO/YES YES YES and it’s Meanie tickling Bahh.

Everyone but Meanie head outside and the big dive is teased, sending the three of them running around the building in fear. Bahh runs so far away that he gets counted out at 37:12. KM asks where Bahh went because he’s riding Bahh’s coattails on TV. KM: “I’m his Marty Jannetty! I need him!” Bahh comes back with hot dogs….for everyone in the ring!

As they eat, Team Espana (Jos A and Jos B, the Tag Team Champions and thankfully with labeled shirts) are in eighth as the final team. Meanie gets beaten down in the corner but it’s off to Nova to throw the right hands. Everything breaks down and Nova’s suplex to B is broken up as A pulls the foot, allowing B to fall on top for the pin at 42:42.

Rating: D-. The only thing I learned from this is that the WrestlePro tag division is awful with some very goofy teams. I was rather bored with most of this because most of the teams barely stand out from the others and they seem to have one note gimmicks at best. I’ll give some credit to KM and Bahh though: they looked like stars compared to the other teams, though that’s not saying much. Crazy long here and there had to be a team or two that could be cut.

The BWO gets cheered out of the ring.

Dan Maff vs. Swoggle

Street fight. Maff weighs over 300lb and is kind of a legend around here. Swoggle brings in his own weapons and they talk trash to start. Some chairs are set up in the middle and they sit down in front of each other for a slap fight at the opening bell. Swoggle gets the better of it until Maff stands up and kicks him down.

The weapons are brought in and it’s a stepladder to Maff’s back. The trashcan goes over his head and Swoggle beats on him with a kendo stick and there’s a big shot to the head, which just annoys Maff even more. An even bigger trashcan shot to the head drops Swoggle and it’s time for the barbed wire chair. Swoggle pours out the building blocks (they’re not Legos) because that’s the big thing these days.

The staple gun doesn’t work for Maff as Swoggle bites him and staples his crotch. A Stunner gives Swoggle two and it’s a side slam onto the blocks. Swoggle kendo sticks him off the top and blasts Maff with the barbed wire chair for two. Maff shrugs it off and loads up the Burning Hammer but lets Swoggle down. Swoggle flips him off though and hits a low blow, setting up a small package for two. That’s it for Maff, who wraps the ladder around Swoggle’s head and pulls back like a camel clutch for the tap at 8:53.

Rating: D+. This was actually tolerable, though just having Swoggle in there didn’t make it funny. The spots were your usual hardcore deals, though the ending was good. Swoggle is a lot more than just a comedy act as he works hard and can have a match, which is a lot more than you would expect from him.

They show respect and trade shirts after the match.

Colt Cabana/Santino Marella vs. Heavenly Bodies

That would be Desirable Dustin/Gigolo Justin for this Bodies incarnation. We get the rapid tags before any contact is made with the first lockup coming nearly two minutes in. Justin bails away from the threat of the Cobra so it’s off to Dustin, who gets made fun of for having a large stomach. The threat of the Cobra makes him run away twice as that lockup is about all that has happened so far. Everything breaks down and it’s a power walk from Cabana and Santino, setting up the double Bionic elbows.

We settle down to Justin’s arm getting worked over with Santino climbing to the top but getting nervous and coming off the bottom rope instead. Colt and Santino can’t get their double teams on the same page and jokingly yell at each other. A sunset flip doesn’t work for Colt as Dustin gets the tag but a tag to Santino doesn’t count because he’s not in the corner. Therefore, being clever, Santino extends the tag rope and stands halfway down the apron while still holding the rope.

A belly to back suplex into a moonsault gets two on Cabana (the Flippy Doo) and Colt stays in trouble in the corner. Cabana’s diving tag lands about three feet short so he tries again, this time with Dustin pulling Santino off the apron. Colt finally shrugs off some stomping in the corner and brings in Santino for his usual comeback. The referee gets bumped and Santino loads up the Cobra but Killer Kross runs in to jump him.

Kross does a Rick Rude impression and says he’s here to prove that funny doesn’t equal money because it’s not best for business. He beats up Colt and Santino while mocking comedy wrestling. Cue Joey Ryan of all people but Kross immediately says he’s not going near it. Kross tries the low blow and hurts his leg so Joey hits a dropkick. The lollipop goes into Kross’ mouth for the superkick and it’s time for the Cobra. Hang on though as Cabana puts a sock on his own hand. We get a double You Plex and a pair of Cobras for the double pin at 16:26.

Rating: D+. I really can’t get mad at this as it kind of went exactly as you would expect it to with the run-ins being the right choices. The ending was never in doubt and it was really just a matter of time before the Cobra got the win. It this had been the featured goofy match at the end of a more balanced show it could have worked better, but you can only get so much after this long of a show.

Overall Rating: D. The one thing I’ve learned from this show is why it’s called comedy relief. The idea behind a comedy match is to give you some breathing room after everything gets serious on a show. By having the entire (over three hour long) card be comedy, and in some cases it’s a big stretch to call it such, it’s really hard to stay in the right mood for it.

This didn’t work and while it’s certainly an idea, it isn’t one that works throughout. By the end it felt like a sketch comedy show that had run out of ideas and they were just throwing stuff out there and hoping it was funny. That’s why this kind of an idea doesn’t work. You need a serious match to look forward to because once the jokes stop working, you’re just watching mostly bad matches.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2000 Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Part 1 (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/02/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-thunder-reviews-volume-vii-january-june-2000/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6