Monday Night Raw
Date: November 7, 2005
Location: Allen County War Memorial, Fort Wayne, Indiana
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles

Taboo Tuesday has come and gone with the big development being Ric Flair beating HHH in something of an upset. Other than that John Cena is still Raw World Champion and in need of a next challenger. The Raw vs. Smackdown feud is certainly not done thougu and Survivor Series is coming up this month with the brand vs. brand theme. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Joey Styles is quickly introduced as the new commentator.

Most of the roster is around the ring and here’s Eric Bischoff for a chat. He’s looking forward to Raw vs. Smackdown at Survivor Series but he has two more matches to announce: HHH vs. Ric Flair in a Last Man Standing match and John Cena defending the Raw World Title against Kurt Angle. As for the Raw team against Smackdown, Big Show and Kane are already in, along with captain Shawn Michaels.

That leaves two spots, so someone needs to step up. Carlito says he’ll do it and promises no more Cabanas because he’s a wrestler. Shelton Benjamin: “Are you high?” Shelton says he deserves the spot so let’s have a qualifying match tonight. Trevor Murdoch thinks he and Lance Cade should be in the match and want their rematch for the titles tonight. Bischoff is game and makes it a hardcore match.

Since Bischoff is handing out matches, Gregory Helms wants one with Rosey and Mickie James wants….a round of applause for Trish Stratus. Bischoff: “Uh….yeah. Whatever.” With that out of the way, Bischoff brings in Edge and Lita because he forgot they were here. Bischoff remembers them walking out on Raw last night so he sends them to Smackdown where Edge can face Batista in a street fight this week. That sends them off, complete with the Goodbye Song.

Survivor Series Qualifying Match: Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Joined in progress after a break with Carlito working on a wristlock. Shelton backdrops him to the floor in a heap though and hits a running Blockbuster off the apron. He comes up holding his knee however and it’s time to stomp away. Carlito starts cranking on the leg so Shelton gets smart by pulling on the hair to escape. A toss into the air lets Carlito crash onto his face and the comeback is on, including clotheslines.

Shelton gets two off a bridging northern lights suplex but the top rope clothesline misses. Carlito grabs a DDT for two more (Joey: “Look, his hair is standing on end!”) but Shelton is right back with a Samoan drop. A dropkick to the knee cuts Shelton down again and we hit the half crab. That’s countered into a rollup but Carlito counters the counter and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: D+. It’s the same pains that I’ve had for months now about Shelton and Carlito being the one to beat him makes it even worse. We’re long past the point of the pin not being clean meaning anything as this was another dull match with Carlito winning because WWE saw all of his charisma (which did exist) but nothing to go with it.

Trish Stratus tries to talk to Mickie James about Taboo Tuesday but Mickie cuts her off because they have a tag match tonight.

Trish Stratus/Mickie James vs. Victoria/Candice Michelle

Mickie and Victoria start things off and a quick low bridging from the apron sends Mickie outside. Victoria gets in an elbow to the back and Trish gets knocked off the apron to get her all annoyed. Everything breaks down and Candice is driven into Victoria in the corner. The referee gets rid of Trish but Victoria gets in a shot with Candice’s magic wand for the cheap pin.

Rating: D+. They kept it moving well enough to not be a complete disaster and the addition of Mickie is one of the best things that could have happened to the division at the moment. Trish vs. Mickie is being built up very slowly and that’s something that could make it a big deal. Now as long as they can keep interest up until the match, they could be fine, but that’s easier said than done.

Video on the Raw World Title match at Taboo Tuesday.

Video on Taboo Tuesday.

Big Show and Kane have the most scripted conversation I’ve seen from this era to establish that Kane wants to hurt Cade and Murdoch. This was awful.

Gregory Helms vs. Rosey

Rosey starts fast with some clotheslines and forearms to the back but Helms sends him face first into the middle buckle. That’s too much for Rosey who pounds him back down but misses a Vader Bomb. An enziguri (called a Shining Wizard) finishes Rosey in a hurry.

Tag Team Titles: Kane/Big Show vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Cade and Murdoch are challenging and this is hardcore, much to Joey’s delight. Murdoch wheels out the shopping cart full of weapons and we’re ready to go in a hurry. The threat of a kendo stick sends Cade running while Show chokes Murdoch in the corner. Show gets low bridged to the floor though and Kane gets trashcan lidded out of the air.

That’s it for Cade and Murdoch though as Show is back in, meaning it’s time to clean house in a hurry. They go outside with Murdoch getting a trashcan put over his head for a big boot from Kane. Show clotheslines Cade on the stage and it’s a double chokeslam through the announcers’ table to retain.

Rating: C-. This was as short as it should have been and they kept things in the right setup. There was no reason to go with anything other than Big Show and Kane dominating, which should be the case every time they’re in the ring. Don’t bother with anything more than the two of them wrecking people until someone steals the pin and the titles one day.

Kurt Angle comes out for a match but doesn’t like the YOU SUCK chants. He’s so upset that he says we’re doing this again and goes to the back. His music plays again and there are those chants a second time. Angle gives them ONE MORE CHANCE but then has to rant at them for not having good family values. They are abusing both the First Amendment and ANGLE HIMSELF. We hear about everything Angle has lost for these people so he’s not going to take it anymore. These people suck and he’s out of the main event tonight. Well that’s abrupt.

Post break, Bischoff says Angle can’t do that. If he needs Angle out there though, there needs to be a handpicked referee.

Here’s a bandaged HHH to sit in a chair on the stage for the next match.

Intercontinental Title: Ric Flair vs. Rob Conway

Flair is defending and insists on being introduced as “the man that beat HHH at Taboo Tuesday” to really get under HHH’s skin (Flair would be great at that kind of thing). Flair hiptosses him to start so Conway tries to pick up the pace. You don’t try to leapfrog Flair though as he’s waiting on Conway and pokes him in the eye. Conway gets in a few shots in the corner, only to have Flair go with the testicular claw and some chops. Flair’s top rope shot to the head connects and the Figure Four, with a grab of the rope of course, retains the title.

Rating: C-. Just a match here and there isn’t much to be said about the whole thing. Flair winning over Conway is fine and Conway could have been anyone at this point. They’re doing a nice job of making Flair look like he still has it and it’s not like Conway’s push was even still alive at this point.

Post match HHH is at ringside with a chain but Flair fights him into the crowd for a crash through a table.

Smackdown Rebound.

Lita flashes Bischoff to get Edge out of the street fight but he throws her out.

Shawn Michaels/John Cena vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Masters

The fans chant YOU…..something that is beeped out for one of the more annoying things you’ll see for a good while. Angle also has a guest referee with….the returning Daivari of all people. We’re joined in progress after a break with Masters pulling Shawn down by the hair for some VERY fast two counts.

Angle comes in and gets double elbowed for not even two as Daivari takes some sweet time. Cena’s release fisherman’s suplex gets one more so Cena yells a lot while tagging in Shawn. Shawn starts in on Angle’s arm as the fans are back with that chanting again. Angle gets him into the corner though and it’s back to Masters for the bearhug. Leg cranking and a forearm to knock Cena off the apron have Angle in control but he walks into a DDT.

That’s enough for the hot tag to Cena and house is cleaned in a hurry. A cheap shot from the apron lets Angle get in a backbreaker for another very fast two. Cena suplexes his way to freedom and it’s back to Shawn for the house cleaning. The top rope elbow is loaded up but Daivari doesn’t mind Masters getting in a chair shot tot he ribs. Shawn takes the chair away though and that’s a DQ.

Rating: C. Fine enough for the idea of a match like this and you can see Survivor Series from here. Part of the problem is that Angle feels like a filler feud for Cena, but he’s coming up on his third pay per view title shot. Shawn vs. Masters could continue as tension on the Survivor Series team but other than that, this isn’t exactly inspiring stuff.

Shawn and Cena get chaired down (including a shot from Daivari) to end the show with Joey losing his freaking mind.

Overall Rating: D+. I really wasn’t feeling this one as the focus was on almost everything but the Survivor Series match, leaving us focusing on either a lot of rematches or stuff that wasn’t all that interesting in the first place. I need something a little more than that to carry a show and while this wasn’t terrible, it also wasn’t all that good and I wasn’t interested in a lot of what they had going on.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 5, 2005
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

We’re less than two weeks away from Unforgiven and that means things should be starting to pick up. I’m not sure what that is going to mean around here but it could cover a lot of ground. Kurt Angle vs. John Cena is starting to look like a solid main event and hopefully it lives up to the hype. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Kurt Angle vs. Eugene

Angle suplexes him down to start and stomps away in a hurry, which fits him rather well at the moment. The announcers talk about how Eugene might not know what he’s gotten himself into, which was never mentioned when they did this match several times before in the last month or so. Angle gets two more off another suplex and we hit the reverse chinlock. Some forearms to the face get two but Eugene fires up and tries a Jim Duggan three point stance, only to have his knee sent into the post. The ankle lock gives Angle the win.

Rating: D. There was nothing to the match which was just a squash but the important thing is they weren’t even hinting at the idea of Eugene being a threat to Angle. It was one thing in the three minute time limit matches where Eugene just had to survive but this should have been Angle massacring him, which is what we got.

Post match Angle keeps the hold and puts on the grapevine, drawing out John Cena for the save. Cena wins the brawl but Tyson Tomko runs in to boot Cena in the face. Angle throws in a You Can’t See Me because he’s awesome.

Post break Angle and Eric Bischoff are very happy. Tomko comes in and Bischoff gives him a match with Cena tonight.

Heart Throbs vs. Viscera/Val Venis

Romeo punches Val into the corner to start so Venis comes back with the usual clotheslines. A Russian legsweep gets two but the full nelson isn’t happening. Instead Venis hits a reverse suplex and brings in Viscera, who misses a splash. Viscera runs Thomas over but Romeo blocks Val from coming in with the Money Shot. That means it’s time for Val to get taken down so the Throbs can work on his knee as we get into the meat of things. Val kicks Romeo into Thomas though and the hot tag brings in Viscera for the house cleaning. The double running splash is blocked but a Samoan drop is enough to finish Romeo.

Rating: D+. This was an odd little match as neither team is likely to go anywhere but I guess you have to fill in the two hours somehow. It’s not a good match or anything but the fans are digging Viscera and Venis works as well as anyone else is going to as his partner. There are worse things to use for the show and if they can get a small reaction out of Viscera, it’s better than a short time of people sitting on their hands.

We get some Masterlock Challenge highlights. It’s a full nelson. How many highlights can you have?

Linda McMahon asks for donations to help with Hurricane Katrina. Nothing wrong with that.

It’s time for Carlito’s Cabana with special guest Ashley Massaro. Carlito: “Well hello A**ley!” He says she should use her big check to get a makeover but Ashley calls him out for complaining about hair. Carlito doesn’t like people coming on his show and insulting him, even if it’s Ric Flair. That was a big mistake, so Carlito jumped Flair last week and he’ll make it worse at Unforgiven.

Back to Ashley, we see Victoria destroying her last week. Ashley is ready for Torrie Wilson tonight but Carlito loads up the apple. Cue Flair, who is way too smiley for someone with bandages on his head. Flair goes with the testicular claw (several of them actually) and the beatdown is on. Carlito bails before Flair can throw a barrel of apples at him. Flair wants to know where Carlito is going, because he’s going to school at Unforgiven. That’s cool, and you know what else is? WOO!

More Masterlock Challenge highlights. He’s still putting people in full nelsons.

Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch debut tonight. Cade has to keep Murdoch from dropping his pants.

Video on last week’s Matt Hardy vs. Edge street fight.

Bischoff gives Matt a cage match with Edge at Unforgiven, but he also has to face Snitsky next.

Matt Hardy vs. Snitsky

Edge and Lita come out to have a seat on the commentary table for a chat. Snitsky jumps the distracted Matt to start and hammers away but Matt gets in a Side Effect. Matt goes after Edge and Lita though and Snitsky blasts him. A spinning sitout Rock Bottom gives Snitsky the fast pin.

Post match Snitsky loads up the bell again but Big Show comes out….rather slowly, allowing Snitsky to hit Matt with the bell and run in time.

Tyson Tomko vs. John Cena

Non-title. Cena is all fired up to start and slugs away in the corner, setting up some running clotheslines. A suplex gives Cena two but Tomko is right back with a spinebuster and a powerslam for the same. The reverse chinlock with a knee in the back goes on so Cena powers out (as he is known to do), earning himself a heck of a clothesline. The big boot is cut off though and Cena starts the comeback. Cena finishes with the usual in a hurry.

Rating: D+. There’s nothing wrong with setting up the monster of the week and having Cena fight through some adversity and overcome the odds. It’s something that has worked forever and it made him break a small sweat before he gets ready for the real challenge in Angle. The match wasn’t much, but it wasn’t supposed to be and that’s ok.

Post match Angle runs in and beats the heck out of Cena, including throwing him face first into the set. The Angle Slam on the stage leaves Cena laying. Angle holding up the title and Cena reaching for it is a great visual.

Post break, Todd Grisham asks Angle if attacking Cena three weeks in a row is a pattern. Angle ignores that stupid question and goes into an intense rant about how intense and real he is. Fair enough.

Torrie Wilson vs. Ashley Massaro

Victoria and Candice Michelle are here with Torrie. Victoria trips Ashley at the bell and the beating is on in a hurry. Ashley fights up and completely messes up a sunset flip so Torrie stands on her hair. A spear works a bit better and it turns into a catfight but even more cheating lets Victoria low bridge Ashley to the floor. She even drops Ashley face first onto the apron so Torrie can win with an X Factor. It took three women, including Victoria, to beat Ashley? Get new careers.

We get a THIRD Masterlock highlight package.

Another plea for Katrina funds. Now that’s a repeat that makes sense.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Conway

The bell rings and here’s Kerwin White in the golf cart and dancing a bit to that snazzy theme song. Lawler compares the name change to Cassius Clay/Muhammad Ali as Conway jumps Benjamin to start. The beating is on until Shelton hits a Samoan drop for two. They’re outside in a hurry with Conway sending him into the apron and then planting him on the floor for two back inside.

A neckbreaker gets the same and we hit the chinlock. Shelton fights up and makes the short form comeback with clotheslines, including the big one from the top for another near fall. An O’Connor roll gets the same but Shelton trips Shelton with the golf club, allowing Conway to get a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Rating: C. This wasn’t great but again, at least they’re trying to push someone new. Ok so it’s Conway and White, but Conway is slowly getting a little better and White….well Conway is slowly getting better. That being said, and I know I ask this a lot, WHAT HAPPENED TO SHELTON? It’s like they threw him overboard with a rock attached to him and I haven’t seen anything like it in forever. I can’t even remember the last time he won a singles match and six months ago, he was looking like a sure thing. That’s another level of dropping someone.

Mick Foley has a new book called Scooter. I liked that well enough.

Hurricane/Rosey vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Non-title and it’s Cade/Murdoch’s debut. Rosey slams Murdoch a few times to start and gets two off a running headbutt. Cade comes in for a double flapjack, elbow and clothesline, followed by a double suplex for two. The double teaming continues with Murdoch shouting a lot and handing it back to Cade in a hurry. Rosey finally powers out and brings in Hurricane to clean house. A headscissors puts Murdoch down and a crossbody gets two. Rosey and Cade fight to the floor, leaving Murdoch to hit a jawbreaker. The top rope bulldog finishes Hurricane.

Rating: D+. So Rosey and Hurricane are the biggest losers to ever hold the titles right? They’re making the Bodydonnas look intimidating at this point. Just put them on Cade and Murdoch already because maybe they can do something with them. Or at least not be complete disasters. It isn’t even Hurricane and Rosey’s fault either. If they are rarely on TV and regularly lose when they’re around, what’s the point in the titles?

Masterlock highlights part four. Austin and Rock didn’t do that much at Wrestlemania.

Unforgiven rundown.

Masters brags about the Masterlock.

It’s time for the Masterlock Challenge with Shawn Michaels. Shawn sits in the chair and waits for Masters to grab a towel. The hold goes on and Shawn starts flailing, even sending Masters into the corner a few times. That doesn’t work so Shawn climbs the corner and bounces back onto Masters but still can’t break it. More rams into the corner fail but Shawn eventually breaks the grip, only to have Masters hit him down. A chair to the head busts Michaels open and one more Masterlock ends it.

Overall Rating: D. Wow that was a rough string of matches but it didn’t feel like a terrible show at the end. I’m trying to dislike the Masterlock deal (though it got WAY too much attention with the ridiculous amount of highlights) but it’s a gimmick that has been done before and works well enough. It’s what Masters is known for and if he can evolve a bit more, he’ll be fine given his looks. Not a very good show, but they set up Unforgiven well enough, even if it’s the definition of a B pay per view.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

Knobbs is challenging and has to beat all three guys. Apparently it’s a gauntlet match. 3 Count does their dancing thing and then Tony says “Wait a second. How can we do this after what we just saw?” He’s talking about Crowbar and apparently it took him three minutes to realize how distraught he was. They talk about stopping the show, and the thought occurs to me that this could somehow be a commentary on Vince not stopping the show after Owen fell last year. If that’s the case, this company deserves to die more than anything I’ve ever seen.

Anyway, Knobbs wastes some time looking for weapons before the match starts. Knobbs is all upset by Crowbar apparently. As he’s putting the weapons in one of the champions jumps off the top with a kendo stick to drill him. By gauntlet apparently they mean handicap elimination because they’re all out there at once. Knobbs cleans house and uses the Pit Stop on all three of them. Helms gets a chair shot to take over and sends Knobbs into a ladder in the corner.

Splash off said ladder gets no cover because the other two have to go up for splashes also. Karagis uses a corkscrew one and Moore’s Swanton misses. With Knobbs crawling away for weapons, 3 Count turns their back on him for a dance sequence. Helms has a chair on his face and Knobbs hits the chair with a mop to eliminate him. He had a broken nose so that’s more painful than it sounds.

It’s Table Time and after walking around for awhile, Knobbs powerbombs Karagis over the top rope through the table which more or less explodes. Helms is still around and beats on Knobbs a bit to no avail. Tony calls a chair shot a table shot because he’s not very smart. Another table is sent in while Moore is out cold. Moore manages to get a pin when Knobbs trips over something, but it’s a DUSTY FINISH due to Knobbs’ foot being on the ropes. In a freaking ow man moment, Knobbs throws a ladder over the top rope to land on Karagis who is still down. Middle rope garbage can shot gives Knobbs the title back.

Rating: D+. Somehow this might be the match of the night so far and it was a Brian Knobbs showcase match. Why in the world is this happening in the year 2000? And with a freaking Dusty Finish of all things. It was fine for a weapons match I guess, but there was never any doubt of the finish. Why in the world was this on PPV in 2000 though?

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons

This would open about 19 Thunders in a row. Tank Abbott is their Rikishi and dances with them. Ok to be fair, this was freaking hilarious. The only Dragon that is known is the masked one who would become Jamie Knoble. Three Count has one guy that meant nothing, Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. This is a double ladder match where the Dragons are trying to get a recording contract so 3 Count can’t record again and 3 Count is trying to get their gold record back.

You have to tag here and it’s a ladder match. They stack up a ladder in the corner and do a ton of stuff with that. Both teams hit a springboard Doomsday Device as this is a fun match but you can tell nothing is ever going to go anywhere. Noble does a HUGE dive off the ladder to the floor. Oh and Yang cut his hair and became the resident redneck on Smackdown. This isn’t bad but it’s certainly is entertaining.

And then 3 Count stops to dance. Jamie hits a nice rana and the other two hit a double splash off the ladders. Jamie gets the record but it’s not over yet. Abbott gets the record and we keep going a bit more. I’d love to hear the explanation to a record company that they lost their contract in a professional wrestling ladder match. Kaz and Helms sprint up the ladders but Abbott shoves both guys over. Karagis climbs up and gets the contract. Soon after Jamie would be unmasked and Karagis would team up to become a third team. Abbott leaves with the contract and record.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here although it made limited sense with the whole double prize thing but that’s WCW for you. These six guys would open just about every show there was without ever getting anywhere at all for it and while the matches were solid, people just got sick of seeing them. I know I did.

Little six man match from Fall Brawl 2000.

3 Count vs. Misfits in Action

The Misfits here are Sgt. AWOL (The Wall who most of you likely don’t remember) Lieutenant Loco (Chavo) and Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux). The band has a new song here that likely could have been a decent hit if sung by a “legit” band, which is either great or scary. The idea of the Misfits was that they were guys that were thrown out of storylines by Russo so they banded together as their only way to have a chance. That works well enough.

And yes, 3 Count gets a match against someone not named the Jung Dragons. Two of the boy band members are Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. The third sucks. We hear about Duggan giving the flag and board to General Rection (Hugh Morrus) and will be in his corner tonight. Yeah I’m sure this isn’t going to go badly at all for Rection.

This is a pretty basic match but it’s not bad. They’re just kind of filling in time as these matches aren’t going to mean anything past tonight anyway. The idea here is that the band is scared to death of AWOL so they’re going to try to keep him out. Simple story but it works. Leroux was a lot better than he was given credit for. I might even stretch to say he was pretty good.

He hits a springboard X Factor to get the hot tag to AWOL who cleans house. Moore hits a nice flip to put Cajun down and we let the high spots loose. AWOL gets knocked through a table (his signature thing) but not before holding Moore up off the ground purely by his hair. Everything goes insane and Leroux hits Helms with what we would more or less call Cradle Shock for the pin. They get a standing ovation for it and that’s what they deserved.

Rating: B. I REALLY liked this. There was no interference, there was nothing completely insane, the effort was there and the wrestling was there. What a shock that when you put all this together, you get a good match. Worst thing is I can more or less guarantee this is the high point of the show.

Cruiserweight Title: Shane Helms vs. Chavo Guerrero

They put the wrong graphic up for the match just to show how inept they were here. Helms and Guerrero were more or less perfect in this division at this time so this should rock. Helms has his own rap song and his own dance team called the Sugar Babies. He’s Sugar Shane Helms if that clears up anything else. He also has an awesome finisher called the Vertebreaker.

They start off rather slowly with Shane being a fast paced guy and Chavo being more of a Dean Malenko style guy. Very nice technical and mat basted stuff gets us to a standoff. Shane is a heel here I think but it’s not exactly clear. Regal Stretch, which is different than the STFU, by Chavo and Helms is in trouble.

Chavo takes over and apparently he’s the heel. It’s not a good sign when about halfway through this match and I’m just getting that. Huge dive to the floor gets no reaction. I don’t get this crowd: they just don’t seem to care about anything at all and it’s rather annoying. Shane does some basic stuff to take us back to even and both guys are down. Decent match so far.

Shane keeps kicking out and the Tornado DDT is blocked. Nightmare on Helm Street, the Eye of the Hurricane later on, gets two. Top rope cross body gets two in a cool looking move. Shane did it which I left out somehow. Vertebreaker hits on Chavo to let us hear that rap song again as Shane wins the title which I think was the final title change until the WWE stuff.

Rating: C+. Entertaining match but it never clicked to get it up to that top level. This was pretty good here though although the crowd just flat out did not care. I think you can chalk this up to the company just being dead at this point though. The match was good though, but it just never really got off the ground well enough to be very good. Solid use of about 15 minutes though.

European Title: Hurricane vs. Matt Hardy

s Ivory to hit Lita in the knee with a pipe. She hits Matt as well, allowing Hurricane to hit the Eye of the Hurricane to steal the pin and the title. This was really quick.

Helms would pick the Cruiserweight Title up again and defended it at King of the Ring 2002.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane

This was either Noble’s first match or at least his first feud. Oh ok this is his second. Seriously, the recap is still going. It’s getting more time than the opening video. Oh and the heels unmasked him which Burchill is still trying to do. IT’S STILL GOING! I have absolutely no interest in this match at all. Hurricane was running around chokeslamming people. Nidia thinks she means something. That’s just amusing.

There’s a “she’s a crack w****” chant going as we flash back to ECW. She tries to trip Hurricane and misses. You grab the big white thing. It’s how you got a job more than likely as it certainly isn’t for your looks and talent. Oh Tuesday is the Divas Undressed thing. It was a lingerie thing that went nowhere. There were some ok looks but that’s about it. As you can tell, I’m not talking much about the match.

This division and title were just jokes and it’s good that the title isn’t coming back. Let it go people. Oh dear we begin the sex jokes about Hurricane and why Nidia dumped him. I hate those. Oh dang it they’re using sleepers. I can barely stand the thought of this match already and they’re just boring me to death. This division was just a freaking waste. Wait a minute. This is a Smackdown match. WHY ARE LAWLER AND ROSS CALLING IT???

We have acknowledged that Tazz and Cole, the SMACKDOWN ANNOUNCERS are in the building, but instead we get Ross and Lawler who have nothing to do with these guys or their show talking about the match. What in the heck is wrong with this? Hurricane and Nidia fight over his cape. Hurricane suplexes Noble over the ropes and he lands on his leg. Dang it he’s getting up so we have to keep going. The main problem here is Nidia.

She won’t freaking shut up and she’s just annoying as all goodness. Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top rope. This match just needs to end. It’s all highspots and Nidia and only one of those things are interesting. Noble kicks out of the chokeslam which stuns the crowd. For some reason they’re into this. Hurricane crotches himself on the top and Noble powerbombs him for the title while Nidia shoves his foot off the ropes. They make out way too much after the match.

Rating: D-. And it passes for the highspots. This was just freaking pointless and of course they gave it 10 minutes. See, in WCW, this was successful because there WERE NO STORIES. It was all highspots and no stupid ugly women screaming all the time. Learn from that Vince.

Batista vs. The Hurricane

The Hurricane vs. The Rock

BUT HE JUST LOST TO THE HURRICANE! Yes he did, and almost no one remembers it, because three weeks later he was hitting three Rock Bottoms on Steve Austin to finally defeat him at Wrestlemania before facing Goldberg and moving on to Hollywood, only to come back for a huge match at Wrestlemania XX.

La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey

Hurricane vs. Christian

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey

Jerry Lawler vs. Gregory Helms

This is more or less the same thing that they did with Hassan last year as they were just giving Helms this to get him over as a cruiserweight trying to fight heavyweight guys. Apparently Lawler said Helms sucked and he got slapped or vice versa, and I think it was the original. I love how Coach tries to act like he means something. The idea worked as I want to smack him already but then again I always do.

Helms is mostly dominating here so at least they’ve got that working right. In a funny line, Coach says he isn’t sure which chin Helms is grabbing. Helms pulls a Rock and does his own commentary in the match as this is going a bit long. Uh oh it’s strap time and here comes Lawler.

They say his fists are moving like pistons. That’s just amusing in general. Lawler shouts out piledriver and somehow Helms counters it. I wonder how he figured out what to do? And Lawler hits the middle rope punch….FOR THE PIN??? WHAT IN THE FLYING HECK WAS THAT???

Rating: F. Seriously, there is ZERO justification to put Lawler over clean here as this isn’t in Memphis. No way is this ok at all. This was a failure plain and simple. Not from a wrestling perspective but from a booking and thinking one. Helms deserves far better than this and it’s not fair to see this happen to him.

Better times would come later in the month at the 2006 Royal Rumble.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London

Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Super Crazy

Helms is in the middle of his year plus title reign and this is just another title defense. Crazy is part of the Mexicools here so he’s on a lawn mower because….well just because. An Arizona Diamondback is here. We get a Smokey Robinson reference for no apparent reason at all. Jackknife cover gets two for Crazy as does another rollup. La Majistrol gets two.

Crazy sends him to the floor with a clothesline and sets for a dive. Nick Patrick stops it so Crazy uses him for a springboard to dive anyway. LET THE ECW CHANTS RING!!! And never mind as a hot shot gets two for Helms as does a neckbreaker. Remember that whole “this is just a TV match” from the previous match? That isn’t the case here. This is the very different LONG TV match.

Suplex by Crazy gets no cover as we go back to more holds on the mat. Off to the chinlock as we hear about Crazy winning a triple threat to get here. No word on opponents or anything but I guess they don’t matter. Rollup gets two for Crazy as the fans are mostly deceased. Elbow misses for the champion and Crazy fights back a bit. For a guy named SUPER CRAZY he’s really not that insane.

Missile dropkick gets two. Moonsault misses as does the Shining Wizard for the champion. Spinwheel kick gets two as we’re totally killing time here. Helms gets about his 8^th neckbreaker of the match for two. Helms finally gets a snake eyes and rollup with his feet on the ropes to end this.

Rating: D+. Rather boring match here as Super Crazy becomes the Scott Steiner of the Cruiserweights. What I mean by that is he used to be good and at this point he’s doing nothing but living off past glory with the same name and one or two of the same moves that are signature things. Nothing of note here at all and a rather weak match.

And a non-title match at Great American Bash 2006.

Matt Hardy vs. Gregory Helms

Rating: C-. The first seven minutes or so were really bad but after that this got a lot better. The innovative stuff from Helms is always worth seeing. They were trying to make him seem like something more than just a Cruiserweight and it was kind of working before he broke his neck in May of next year and was out for about 15 months.

Paul Burchill vs. The Hurricane

Eye of the Hurricane is broken up though and a kick to the face gets two for Paul. Another Eye attempt is countered into a northern lights suplex for two. Hurricane hits a rana for two but Katie distracts him again and a powerslam gets two for Burchill. A suplex is reversed into the Eye of the Hurricane but it only gets two. Hurricane goes up again but gets crotched. Burchill tries to suplex him to the floor but Hurricane counters into a swinging neckbreaker off the top for the pin. It was more exciting than it sounds here.

Rating: B-. This was a pretty fun match as Burchill kept getting frustrated but he never could put Hurricane away. The neckbreaker off the top was a big enough move to end things, but it felt kind of flat as it hit and that was it instead of building to a bigger climax for the pin. Still good though.

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Time for a gorgeous leggy blonde in Stacy Keibler.

Stacy Keibler got her start in 2000 as Nitro Girl Sky. She would become Miss Hancock, the sexy corporate character who wore incredibly short skirts and often took her hair down to dance. Sometimes she even got in the ring, including this match on Nitro, June 5, 2000.

Diamond Dallas Page/Miss Hancock vs. Kimberly Page/Mike Awesome

This is part of the selfish Kimberly phase where she hated Page for stealing the spotlight. For some reason Kimberly is shocked at Page being Hancock’s partner. Page even offers a little kick to Kimberly’s trunks before the girls get going. With a dance off of course. Hancock throws her glasses to Page but Kimberly shoves her down. Hancock is wrestling in heels and actually takes her down, only to have to slap Awesome.

It’s off to the guys with DDP nailing a discus lariat and getting two off a sunset flip. A low blow slows Page down and a running clothesline in the corner has him in even more trouble. That’s fine with Page who hammers away in the corner but eats an elbow to the jaw. It’s already table time but Mike leaves it on the floor so he can hit the Awesome Splash for two. Hancock gets on the table and pulls up the skirt, allowing Page to hit the Diamond Cutter for the pin.

Rating: D. Expect to hear this a lot, but Hancock was there for her looks and not much else. They let the guys do most of the work here like they should have and gave us the fan service with Hancock getting on the table. She was twenty years old here so what do you think she’s doing out there?

Hancock would be on PPV soon after this at Bash at the Beach 2000 in a wedding gown match. It might be better if you don’t know the backstory here.

Miss Hancock vs. Daffney

Naturally Stacy looks gorgeous. This wound up going to a pregnancy angle where there was supposed to be incest of some kind, I believe with Stacy being Ric’s daughter or him being the father of the baby or something like that. It never came through due to the lack of business but whatever. And yes that’s the Scream Queen of TNA. She’s also the better in ring competitor here. Stacy is 20 here. That’s hard to believe.

There’s wedding cake here too. Instead of trying to win they go for the cake. David is on his second interference so far. The referee gets pantsed and so does David. Now the girls chase each other around the ring and we try to shave Daffney’s head. Oh look it’s Crowbar to interfere even more. He takes his pants off to keep things even. We do get a funny line of “he’s choking David Flair with his pants!” And then Stacy just strips for the heck of it so that Daffney wins. Daffney hits her with cake.

Rating: N/A. Not wrestling, but the girls both looked good. This is what I get for watching WCW from 2000 though so I bring this on myself.

Next up is a hardcore match on Nitro, July 31, 2000.

Major Gunns vs. Stacy Keibler

This starts in the back with Gunns hitting her in the back with what looked like a bottle of water before they head into the bathroom. Gunns turns on the shower and Mark Madden is losing his mind. They fight over to catering with Hancock having a Twinkie shoved down her throat. There goes a carrot cake and it would be a bit better if they weren’t laughing at each other. They head to the ring where there’s a fight going on between Sgt. AWOL and David Flair. The guys go to the floor and there’s a table set up in the corner. Hancock throws her against the table and gets the pin off a slam. No rating for obvious reasons.

Here’s the PPV rematch at New Blood Rising in a Rip Off The Camouflage match.

Major Guns vs. Ms. Hancock

This is the ROTC match. Oh and there’s a mud pit. Guns’ music starts when she’s already in the ring. Stacey in a one piece camouflage dress with her hair pulled back…WOW. She was 20 at this point so brand new. They do some painfully bad stuff here and Guns kicks her in the stomach. Remember that. In a Rip off the Camouflage match, there are covers. Guns gets her top ripped off and Stacey (It’s Stacey Keibler in case that wasn’t sinking in. She’s Ms. Hancock) gets two.

This is mainly about how many upskirt shots can we get. Stacey gets her shorts ripped off and has more camo underneath it. Stacey shakes her hips and hits a horrible cross body from the middle rope. She does a nice nip up but gets kicked in the stomach again. The selling of these people is a far cry from Willy Lowman. Stacey misses another cross body and holds her stomach.

Guns gets her shorts ripped off to reveal more camouflage. Same thing happens to Stacey’s top. And they’re in the mud. Doesn’t that make it harder to see? Stacey starts holding her stomach and gets pinned. David Flair, Stacey’s fiancé, runs out and is worried about her. We get a stretcher and you can see it from here.

Rating: F. Yeah the girls were hot. The ending makes this all the stupider, and we’ll get to that in a bit. This was a freaking joke. When Debra is having better “matches” than you are, there’s a big problem

It was off to the WWF soon after this and the obvious match came first over who was hotter: Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson or Trish Stratus and Lita? What better way to find out than in a bra and panties match at InVasion?

Torrie Wilson/Stacy Keibler vs. Lita/Trish Stratus

Mick Foley appoints himself guest referee here again. This was smart if nothing else as it gave a person people actually care about to the match. Torrie and Stacy have weird entrance music. Lita was a legit big deal at the time and was the biggest women’s star more or less since Sable and Sunny. Seriously do you want commentary here? Trish was getting better every day at this point but still wasn’t that good yet.

Stacy gets her top ripped off. Lita has the same done. Trish vs. Torrie now and Trish loses her shirt somewhere. There goes all of Torrie’s clothes. Stacy gets her pants ripped off to end it. Mick picks up the clothes after the match which is funny.

Rating: N/A. Not a wrestling match, so there you go.

Time for some regular wrestling on Raw, August 6, 2001.

Jacqueline vs. Torrie Wilson/Stacy Keibler

This can’t go on long. The universe can’t withstand it. The two jump the one quickly but she fights back while shouting. I’m shocked at the range of her character development in this. Stacy is sent to the floor so Ivory returns, DDT Jackie to turn Alliance and Torrie gets the pin. If Ivory had actually been around for the last four months…..yeah I still wouldn’t care. Too short to rate, thank goodness.

And now some slightly better wrestling on Raw, October 1, 2001.

Tajiri/Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler/Tazz

Torrie is in a full body dress and Stacy is in leather shorts. Clearly they’re in fighting gear here. The guys start (thank goodness) and Tajiri hits the handspring elbow. He tries a kick but gets caught in the capture suplex and it’s off to Stacy vs. Torrie. Make this quick. As expected they’re terrible because THEY AREN’T WRESTLERS. Back to the guys with Tajiri firing off his strikes and hooking the Tarantula. Ivory runs out and DDTs Torrie so Stacy can pin her. Awful match and for the life of me is anyone supposed to care?

The girls would head to England at Rebellion 2001.

Mighty Molly/Stacy Keibler vs. Lita/Torrie Wilson

Trish is referee here due to reasons of hotness. It says a lot when Molly is the least attractive person in a match. Stacy in camo top and leather skirt works to put it mildly. Heyman says he and Lita wear the same style of underwear. Oh dear. Stacy and Torrie start us off. This is more or less about what you would expect. Trish can’t do much in the ring yet so Lita and Molly are going to be carrying this one.

Apparently over 50,000 tickets were sold i

n an hour for Mania 18. Molly comes in as we’re waiting for Lita to come in and clean house. Stacy does the leg choke to a pop. Lita gets knocked down and the heels double team for a bit. Make your own orgy jokes. Molly does what she can but Torrie is kind of uncarryable. There’s Lita and it’s over in less than a minute with the Twist of Fate to Molly.

Rating: D. The match sucked but the girls looked good. That’s all there is to this and that’s all there was ever going to be on this.

Let’s get some better workers in the ring on Raw, March 11, 2002.

Lita/Trish Stratus vs. Jazz/Stacy Keibler

I always loved how Lita looked in those tied off Wrestlemania baseball jerseys. Trish is just starting to get good and she has her signature look down now. Trish gets jumped and double teamed to start but let’s talk about Lucy! She has a broken leg apparently but HHH is on his way back. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz (the Women’s Champion) hitting a double chickenwing on Lita.

Off to Stacy for a corner leg choke but Lita realizes that she’s fighting Stacy freaking Keibler and slams her down. Off to Trish as everything breaks down. Jazz takes a double flapjack but Trish accidentally kicks Lita, giving Jazz a quick rollup win. Trish, Jazz and Lita would have a triple threat on Sunday for the title and for the life of me I have no idea why Trish didn’t win the title there but rather a month or so later.

Back to PPV at Judgment Day 2002.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Stacy Keibler

Each is going to have a Dudley in their corner for reasons of bad writing. Molly vs. Trish had been built up for months but they went with this instead because they picked the Dudley feud to be the better draw. Trish interrupted a swimsuit contest to set this up on Thursday. Well at least we get D-Von’s music. Aww man they hadn’t changed it yet so it’s just organ music. Dang it!

Naturally Bubba Ray Dudley is here. This was right before they were going to build him up as one of the top faces on Raw. Yes, that’s a true story. I’ll wait a bit while you regain consciousness. Stacy throws a kick that hits (read as her foot might have been two feet from Trish’s head, prompting a groan from the crowd) for two. Trish was just ok in the ring at this point and the awful Boston Crab shows that.

Stacy counters and Trish counters that into a rollup for two. This is quickly getting embarrassing, which says a lot as we’re maybe a minute into it. Trish hammers away and Stacy is sent to the floor where she has a fit. Batista comes in and drills Trish (lucky) with a slam that gets two for Stacy. Stacy chokes away and Trish fights back, getting a bulldog (minus springboard) to end this quickly. Terrible match but Stacy looked great.

Back to Raw with a slightly better idea on Raw, February 24, 2003.

Stacy Keibler/Test vs. Chris Jericho/Christian

Basic idea here: they’re in Toronto so Stacy comes out in a tied off Maple Leafs jersey and little white shorts. She’s also terrified of Test to continue a stupid angle, though he’s fighting to go after Jericho for accidentally hitting Stacy with a chair. Test slams Christian down but Jericho pulls Stacy off the apron to distract the big man. Christian is lifted in the air for a press slam but Jericho comes in with a chair for the DQ.

Next up, the biggest stage of them all at Wrestlemania XX.

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

This is an evening gown match and the annual Playboy promotional match. Sable and Torrie posed together and had a teased lesbian angle around this time. Sable wants to just wrestle without clothes but Jackie (Gayda, as in the attractive one) says no. Everyone else winds up in lingerie and Jackie is soon stripped too. This is exactly what you would expect: unfunny announcers, sexual spots, very little wrestling and very little complaining from most fans. Stacy kicks Torrie’s head off for two and it’s back to Jackie. We get the rolling over the referee spot and Torrie rolls up Jackie for the pin. This was what it was.

Another Raw match from October 4, 2004.

Stacy Keibler vs. Molly Holly

Non-title, likely because neither of them are champions. Trish, looking GREAT in a low cut top and jeans with some stomach showing, sits in on commentary. She shows us a clip from last week where Christy Hemme stripped off her clothes. Trish’s assessment, and again I quote, “Sl** sl** sl** sl**. Christy Hemme is a sl**.” I love the Bellas trying to sound all serious when you have the girls from this era ripping into each other with lines like that.

Even JR says Stacy has no chance here, albeit in JR-speak of course. Molly points a finger in Stacy’s face so she bites down on it. Again, these jokes are too easy at times. Keibler chokes in the corner and throws Molly down by her VERY short hair (she was shaved bald at Wrestlemania).

As this is going on, we get WWE Fantasy standings on the bottom of the screen. That’s a fascinating idea actually, but it would wind up being a huge mess. The camera stays on Trish, talking about how Christy “exudes sl**tiness.” Molly gets low bridged to the floor and Trish runs down to distract Stacy for no apparent reason, but Stacy is actually smart enough (I’m stunned too) to counter into a cradle for the pin.

We’ll wrap it up with a six person tag from Raw on August 8, 2005.

Stacy Keibler/Hurricane/Rosey vs. Victoria/Heartthrobs

The superheroes are Raw Tag Team Champions. If you don’t remember the Heartthrobs, I’m not surprised. Stacy is a superheroine here because she looks good in the outfit. Antonio Thomas starts with Hurricane but Romeo Roselli gets in a cheap clothesline from the apron to take over. Hurricane fights out of a chinlock and tags in Rosey to clean house. Everything breaks down and Stacy gets on the apron to shake her hips a bit for a distraction, earning a hard shot from Victoria. The Heartthrobs hit a double STO on Rosey for the fast pin.

Me? Use this as an excuse to look at Stacy Keibler for awhile? Perish the thought. I’m sure you can figure out the idea here: she’s there because she’s a 6’0 stunning blonde who can dance. I didn’t see a good match in the whole stretch but I have no idea why you would be looking for one in something about Stacy Keibler. She’s there for the view and there’s nothing wrong with that.

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