Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

As long as this show is going to be, there’s something special about getting to see it every year. This year’s show is built around the three major matches and the question of how many happy endings we can have. You know it’s not going to be all three, but which of the three doesn’t go through. Those matches consist of Universal Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins, Smackdown World Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston and the winner take all match for both Women’s titles as Ronda Rousey faces Charlotte and Becky Lynch in a genuinely historic main event. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Nese is challenging after winning a tournament and wastes no time in trying a jumping knee. Murphy gets sent outside but is fine enough to drop Nese ribs first onto the turnbuckle as we go split screen for an ad. Well at least they didn’t do this during the TV build. Back to full with Nese fighting out of a chinlock and suplexing the champ into the corner. Murphy gets tied in the ropes for a Lionsault but catches Nese with a superkick. A spinning faceplant gets two and some knees to the face have Nese in more trouble.

Nese is fine enough to hit a reverse hurricanrana and they trade a series of strikes to the face. Nese’s kneeling over the back piledriver gets two, followed by the 450 for the same. Murphy is right back up with Murphy’s Law but Nese gets a foot on the rope. With nothing else working, Murphy tries Nese’s running knee in the corner but walks into a superkick. A German suplex into the corner sets up the real running knee to give Nese the pin and the title at 10:43.

Rating: C+. Pretty good stuff here, even if I can’t imagine Nese holding the title very long. He’s the New York guy so it makes sense to have him win the title for a feel good moment. It wasn’t the most surprising thing in the world but it’s a good idea to open the night with a mostly short but effective match. Not bad at all, though Nese is a short term champion at best.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Naomi, Lana, Nikki Cross, Asuka, Mickie James, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Ruby Riott, Sarah Logan, Liv Morgan, Zelina Vega, Dana Brooke, Eve Torres, Mandy Rose, Candice LeRae, Maria Kanellis, Sonya Deville, Carmella

It’s a wild brawl to start with Nikki Cross chasing Maria in a circle and getting rid of her. Asuka sends Nikki out and LeRae is out as well. Ember Eclipses Lana (as Captain Marvel) and knocks out Naomi, followed by another Eclipse to Mandy. Lana manages to get rid of Ember and insists that she’s #1 before kicking Sane in the face. Sane goes up and gets shoved to the apron, leaving us with a Lana vs. Logan staredown.

The Riott Squad gets together and dumps Lana but Sane is back in with the Insane Elbow on Logan. The Squad gets rid of Sane though and Logan lifts Morgan up for a flipping Stunner on Vega. Now it’s Asuka taking the triple teaming but she slides back in from the apron. Dana of all people fights back against the Squad and gets rid of Ruby. Logan is out as well but Vega blocks a cartwheel elbow.

Mandy and Sonya get rid of Vega and Brooke as we’re down to Logan, Rose, Deville, James and Asuka. James superkicks Mandy out but gets eliminated by Sonya to get us to three. Asuka sends Deville to the apron but Logan dumps both of them out….as Carmella slides back in, JUST LIKE LAST YEAR. Carmella knocks Logan over but Logan keeps her feet above the floor. A superkick gets rid of Logan to give Carmella the win at 10:30.

Rating: D. Hey, remember last year when someone snuck back in at the end and won the Women’s Battle Royal in a big surprise despite doing nothing coming into the match where someone could have gotten something out of it? No particular reason for asking of course. The match was your usual deal of everyone standing around until it was time for them to be eliminated until the ending. It was shorter than last year’s though and that’s an improvement. Oh and so much for Lacey Evans winning the thing as a surprise.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

The Revival is defending and this wasn’t announced on the Kickoff Show. Dawson takes Hawkins into the corner to start and gets two off a rollup. It’s off to Ryder vs. Wilder, the latter of whom gets the loudest cheer of his career after he decked the guy who jumped Bret last night. An armbar keeps Ryder down and Dawson comes back in to rip at Ryder’s face. Ryder gets in a suplex and tosses Wilder into the corner but Dawson knocks Hawkins off the apron.

We hit the chinlock on Ryder for a bit until he backdrops his way to freedom, allowing the hot tag to Hawkins. A backslide gets two on Dawson and Wilder gets knocked off the apron. The double clothesline gives us a double knockdown and it’s back to Ryder. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson and Ryder suplex suplexes Wilder to the floor for a scary crash. Hawkins throws Ryder back in for the tag but Wilder breaks up the cover.

Wilder DDTs Ryder on the floor and Hawkins takes a brainbuster to put all four down on the floor. Back in Dawson is rather cocky about beating Hawkins, who seems to be a bit dead. You never want to be too cocky in wrestling though and it’s a small package to pin Dawson for the titles at 13:21.

Rating: C. Ignoring Hawkins losing 269 matches in a row and not having a win since November 2016, Ryder not winning a non-Main Event match on TV since December 2016 and the team not winning a match together since 2008, this makes perfect sense. The love for the New York fans is strong tonight, which makes me wonder what kind of horrible things they have in mind for the main card. Just let the Revival go sit at home until their contracts are up though because I’d rather they go out with just this humiliation rather than seeing what else WWE could think of for them.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Colin Jost, Michael Che, Braun Strowman, Otis, Tucker, Kalisto, Gran Metalik, Lince Dorado, Ali, Titus O’Neil, Konnor, Viktor, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Andrade, Jinder Mahal, Harper, Bo Dallas, Bobby Roode, Apollo Crews, Bo Dallas, Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson, No Way Jose, Tyler Breeze, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Rhyno, Shelton Benjamin, EC3

Hey Harper is back. The SNL guys bail to the floor as Breeze and EC3 are both out. Shelton and Dorado are eliminated as well with Strowman throwing everyone he comes near. Harper vs. Strowman gets a big reaction but everyone piles onto them to break it up. Titus misses a charge and gets eliminated, followed by Ali tornado DDTing Jose and tossing him. Strowman gets sent into the post and goes through the ropes to the floor as Anderson is tossed.

Rhyno is out as well and the Hardys get into a mini match with Roode/Gable, with Roode being eliminated. Metalik gets thrown out by Mahal and Andrade monkey flips Kalisto out. There goes Gable as the ring is clearing out in a hurry. Tucker runs the Ascension over and there’s a double Caterpillar to both of them. The Ascension is thrown out but Strowman tosses Heavy Machinery.

Mahal is out next as Harper tries to suplex Ali, only to have Strowman kick them both out at the same time. We’re down to Strowman, Che, Jost, Matt, Jeff, Apollo and Andrade. Apollo and Andrade go to the apron and Andrade snaps off a hurricanrana to eliminate both of them in a dumb move. The Hardys try to pull Strowman out but the SNL guys come in and fail to throw them out.

Strowman shrugs them off and dumps the Hardys, leaving him alone with Jost and Che. One of them grabs a mic and says this doesn’t have to end in violence, so here’s his therapist to talk Strowman through this. Strowman beats him up and gives him a chokeslam (good thing the therapist knows how to take a flat back bump) before slapping Che out. A running boot in the corner misses and Jost goes for the elimination but gets shoved away. Strowman throws him out for the win at 10:24.

Rating: D. Yeah it was stupid and the SNL guys were annoying, but it was on the Kickoff Show and the right person won so I can’t complain all that much. Strowman should have won something bigger than this but at least he comes away with something instead of just being tossed out like anyone else. You know, like they did with Asuka in the first match.

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful.

Helicopters fly over the stadium instead of the usual planes.

The opening video features wrestlers talking about this being the biggest stage and them being the players and storytellers. We see stills of famous Wrestlemania moments as the wrestlers talk about having the chance to live forever. They switch into a regular video of everyone involved with Lynch saying that they are the storytellers. This is a great idea, but not exactly practical when you consider that this is Wrestlemania GET EVERYONE ON THE CARD.

Here’s Wrestlemania host Alexa Bliss to say that Wrestlemania needs a goddess. She snaps her fingers…..and here’s Hulk Hogan. Well that works. Hogan: “It’s great to be back here in the Silverdome brother!” Ok that was funny. Hogan: “Ok it’s great to be back here in the MetLife Center!” He hits the catchphrase and poses with Bliss as Paul Heyman of all people storms out between the two of them. Heyman goes to the ring and says if they’re not closing the show, they’re not hanging around. They’re getting their business done and going to Las Vegas where Lesnar is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Lesnar is defending. Rollins has a new BEAST SLAYER graphic but Brock knees him off the apron and it’s an F5 on the floor before the bell rings. Lesnar throws him into various things at ringside and then over the announcers’ table a few times. They get inside but the referee won’t start the match because Rollins isn’t ready. Lesnar tosses him outside again for another whip over the announcers’ table and through the top piece of the table.

They go back inside and Rollins is mostly dead but gets to his feet for the opening bell. Three straight German suplexes let Lesnar bounce as Rollins’ back is all kinds of pretty colors. The F5 is escaped and the ref is bumped, allowing Rollins to hit the low row. Rollins hits the low superkick and the Stomp connects. A second and third Stomp give Rollins the title at 2:30.

Jerry Lawler joins commentary.

Randy Orton vs. AJ Styles

The CGI graphics are back with Orton’s being a HUGE snake that made me jump. Battle over respect between the two of them as Orton has asked why it took AJ so long to get here. An early RKO attempt is blocked so Orton goes with a thumb to the eye and the Orton Stomp. AJ gets back up with the dropkick and the slingshot forearm to the floor drops Orton again. Orton is thrown back in and knocks AJ into the barricade. The chinlock doesn’t last long as AJ fights up with the Phenomenal Blitz and a basement forearm.

The Styles Clash is blocked and Orton tries the hanging DDT, which is reversed into the Calf Crusher. Once the rope is grabbed AJ goes to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm but drops back down as Orton jumps for the RKO and crashes, allowing AJ to hit the springboard 450 for two. Orton is back up with the top rope superplex as the fans are interested in something else.

The hanging DDT plants AJ and Orton plays to the crowd to get their attention back. The RKO is countered with an enziguri but the second attempt connects for two. It feels like it’s been awhile since anyone kicked out of that. With the regular version not working, Orton loads up a super RKO but gets kicked out to the floor. That means a Phenomenal Forearm to the outside and the regular one finishes Orton at 16:17.

Rating: B-. This was about what you would have expected with good action between two talented veterans. AJ knowing that the RKO counter was coming was fine and the ending was as decisive as you could get with AJ surviving the RKO and winning clean. It’s a perfectly good match and it’s not like the two of them have anything else to do at the moment. Expect a rematch next month.

Lacey Evans cameo, though this time she stops to sneer at the crowd.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar

The Usos are defending. Jey and Black start things off but Sheamus tags himself in and low bridges Jey to the floor. Black gets taken down and it’s Rusev coming in to hold Black up for a kick from Rusev. It’s off to Ricochet with the springboard clothesline for two on Nakamura before spinning around Cesaro multiple times for a headscissors.

That just earns him a shot to the face and it’s time to swing Ricochet while Sheamus beats on Rusev’s chest. Nakamura tries to make a save so Sheamus beats on him as well, followed by the same to Jey and Black, all while Ricochet is swinging Ricochet for well over a minute. The Sharpshooter goes on with Jey making the save, earning himself a trip to the floor with his brother.

We settle down (kind of) to Black bringing in Ricochet, who gets caught by Rusev in a swinging release Rock Bottom. Everyone goes to the corner for the required Tower of Doom, with Ricochet rolling through because he’s Ricochet and more awesome than you. Black knees Sheamus down and Ricochet hits the 630 for two with a bunch of people diving in for the save. We get a parade of kicks to the face with Sheamus taking the double superkick. The Double Us retains the Usos’ titles at 10:05.

Rating: C+. The big spots helped a lot here and it felt like an amped up Smackdown match, which is one of the best things that you can have in this situation. There’s no other way you can go with no story and the match being thrown together on Smackdown. Just have them do the spots and do the best they can, like Ricochet sticking the landing and that insane swing.

Recap of the Hall of Fame.

Honky Tonk Man (Long overdue)

Harlem Heat (More than deserved)

Torrie Wilson (The bar has been lowered)

Brutus Beefcake (Sure why not)

Hart Foundation (Yep, and may I add yep)

Sue Aitchison, with John Cena’s 600^th Make-A-Wish (Nothing wrong with that)

D-Generation X (Fine, though they feel weak for headliners)

We recap Shane McMahon vs. The Miz in the feud that WWE cares about and thinks we do too. Miz’s dad is a horrible person and only cared about his son when Miz started teaming with Shane, who didn’t like having to fix Miz’s daddy issues. Tonight it’s Falls Count Anywhere to blow it off.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere. Shane makes Greg Hamilton do his entrance three times, with the third being held out extra long. Miz’s dad is in the front row so Shane goes straight to the floor to choke him. The chase is on but Shane gets in a monitor shot to the head. The big elbow through the announcers’ table is loaded up so Miz’s dad gets in the way. Still doesn’t help the fact that he’s a horrible father.

Dad gets in the ring and puts up his fists so Shane jumps him. The beating brings Miz back into the ring to take Shane apart and send him into the barricade before checking on his dad. With the medics taking care of Papa Miz, Miz tackles Shane over the barricade and they head into the crowd, eventually going to the tech arena near one of the towers that holds up the structure above the ring. They go into an open area of the crowd with Miz hitting Shane in the foot with a chair.

Another shot to the back lets Miz knock Shane over to the international commentators station where tables are overturned. A chokeslam puts Shane through the table for two and a monitor shot knocks Shane over a barricade and down into the shadows (cool visual). Miz follows and gets a delayed two as replays show Shane landing on top of a golf cart.

They fight up a camera tower ala HHH vs. Undertaker at Wrestlemania XVII with Miz hitting a Skull Crushing Finale onto a metal platform for two. Shane gets in a shot to the face and climbs to the top of the tower as this isn’t going to go well. Miz follows him up and gets rather stalkerish as he stares Shane down to one knee. Shane begs off so Miz hammers away and suplexes him off the tower onto a crashpad….with Shane landing on top for the pin at 15:38.

Rating: C-. Why not. Why not. WHY THE #$**#%%!!@# NOT! Why shouldn’t we spend five months building this up and giving Shane McMahon a title before having him win at Wrestlemania? I’m sure this will continue, because going from November until April isn’t long enough for a Shane McMahon story. That’s just great.

The match itself was your usual walking around the stadium fight with Miz dominating through most of it until the end. The deal with Miz’s dad was a cool moment but they should have brought him out later on in the match instead of so close to the beginning. Not bad overall, but the ending was stupid.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Bayley and Sasha Banks are defending. The IIconics are a devil (Billie) and a black winged angel (Peyton). Natalya and Beth are in matching pink and black so here’s Bret Hart to stand with them on the stage and then go to the back. It’s a brawl to start with Nia being sent into the steps. We settle down to Peyton getting beaten up but Billie helps her out, allowing them to hit their superhero pose.

Beth gets bulldogged onto Billie’s knee with the kickout making Peyton scream. Natalya comes in for a Hart Attack for two on Billie with Bayley making the save. It’s off to Sasha, who is taken down without too much effort. Natalya and Beth lift Sasha into the air so Bayley makes the save and throws Bayley at Beth for the Bank Statement but Beth powers out as you probably expected.

Natalya puts Bayley and Sasha in the Sharpshooter at the same time until Tamina breaks it up with a superkick. Nia gets back in and starts crushing people, setting up Nia and Tamina going up top at the same time. Beth saves Banks from death by shoving Nia off and Sasha drops the frog splash for two on Natalya. Beth is back up and takes Bayley to the top for a super Glam Slam….but Billie comes in and steals the pin and the title at 10:46.

Rating: D. Some of the spots were good but at the same time, there were too many people running around and it hurt things a lot. I do like the IIconics coming in and stealing the belts as it certainly fits their style better (Do they even have a regular finisher?). But yeah, just too much going on when it didn’t need to be the case. Drop Beth and Natalya and it would have fit better, but I guess the Beth Phoenix fan club needed one more moment?

The helicopter pilots from earlier are here.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan. Kingston has basically done everything there is to do in the company outside of winning the World Title. He got close in the Elimination Chamber but couldn’t quite pull it off. Vince McMahon then decided to throw one challenge after another at him with Kofi coming up just short every time until Big E. and Xavier Woods won a tag team gauntlet match to get him the title shot. If Kofi doesn’t win here, I don’t know if he ever will.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging with New Day in his corner while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a present for Kofi, but only after he wins. They go to the mat to start with Kofi sticking the landing off a monkey flip to send Bryan outside. That means the big dive over the top as the roster is watching in the locker room again, where there is a total of one single monitor showing the match. Back in and Kofi tries to jump a little too much, allowing Bryan to pull him down into a surfboard.

Some forearms to the back of the head seem to wake Kofi up and it’s a clothesline into the Boom Drop. Bryan bails outside and Kofi dives after, only to crash onto the announcers’ table ribs first. Back in and we hit the waistlock for a good while as Bryan stays on the ribs. He switches over to the Boston crab, eventually stepping to the side to make it half Liontamer. With that broken, Bryan loads up a belly to back superplex but gets elbowed down three times in a row.

Kofi drops a top rope splash to the back for two but the ribs are banged up again in the process. Trouble in Paradise misses and they go to some rollups for near falls until Kofi kicks him in the head. Bryan stops him with a stomp out of the corner and busts out the YES pose for a nice callback. The running knee is countered into a rollup and SOS gets two but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock in the middle of the ring.

The long crawl gets Kofi’s leg on the rope and Bryan is starting to get mad. The kicks to the ribs have Kofi in trouble but he fires back kicks of his own, capped off by a reverse suplex (ok then) for a close two. Rowan goes after New Day but Kofi hits him with Trouble in Paradise, followed by the Midnight Hour on the floor. Bryan’s suicide dive is countered by a right hand but Trouble in Paradise misses, allowing Bryan to hit the running knee for two, causing the fans to build a roof on the stadium and then blow it off.

Bryan has had it and starts stomping the head as Woods and Big E. watch on. The LeBell Lock goes on and the referee checks the arm….which stays up. Bryan hits him in the face and pulls again but Kofi rolls out and hammers away at Bryan, who won’t let go of Kofi’s hand. That lets Kofi stomp away for a change and Bryan is done, setting up Trouble in Paradise to give Kofi the pin and the title at 23:41.

Rating: A-. I mean….they could have gone out there and demonstrated how to make a pimento loaf and it wouldn’t have mattered as long as they had that ending. That was a genuine Wrestlemania moment and you could feel what it meant to everyone. This was incredible and one of the best moments they could have had. Eleven years ago, Kofi had the worst debut match I’ve ever seen and now he’s WWE Champion at Wrestlemania. Not too shabby.

Post match Woods pulls off the cover and unveils the non-wooden title so Kofi can pose with the right design, already complete with custom side plates. Kofi’s kids come in to celebrate and now it’s time to open the present. It’s a new New Day shirt with Kofi holding the title.

We recap the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Bliss, now in a different outfit, goes in to see Jost and Che as they’re checked for injuries. She says don’t worry because they’re in good hands….because Scott Hall and Kevin Nash are the doctors? And giving them prostate exams? Am I missing a joke here?

Booker T. joins commentary.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and I believe he’s dressed as Mysterio from Spider-Man. Joe goes straight at him and Rey hits a 619 in less than a minute. Rey’s wheelbarrow bulldog is countered into the Koquina Clutch….and Rey is out at 1:00. So I’m thinking he’s still a bit injured? Booker: “I DID ALL MY PREP WORK FOR THAT???”

Trailer for Batista’s new movie.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns is back from leukemia and needed a first singles match. Drew took out both Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins and is promising to do the same to Reigns tonight.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

McIntyre is played to the ring by the New York Police Department Bagpipe Band. Reigns lowers his head to start and gets kicked in the face but what looked to be a powerslam is escaped. That means a legdrop to the back of the head over the middle rope but Drew is right back with the Glasgow Kiss. The chinlock has Reigns in more trouble until Drew takes him outside for a suplex, thereby upping the total amount of trouble.

The reverse Alabama Slam gives Drew two and he tells Reigns he should have said no. A flipping slam off the top has Reigns down again as Drew tells him that he broke the Shield. The Future Shock (Drew: “THIS ONE IS FOR AMBROSE!”) is broken up so Drew slaps him in the face. A big boot sends Drew outside and it’s a Samoan drop on the floor. Back in and the jumping clothesline puts Drew down, followed by the Superman Punch to do it again. The spear finishes Drew at 10:10.

Rating: C-. Totally standard Raw main event with Drew trying but not having a prayer of winning. There’s only so much you can do when everything is against you like this and Drew tried as hard as he can. Just getting this spot is Drew’s big win of the night and that’s not the worst place to be. He’ll be back and do just fine because he’s that good.

Here’s Elias to play some drums rather well. Now he’s at a piano (teleporting from one to the other) and does quite splendidly there too. Now he’s in the middle of the ring with his guitar. Elias the drummer and Elias the piano player play him in and he continues to have chops. Piano and Drum take a bow and now guitar Elias is on his own. The fans sing a little OH WALK WITH ELIAS and Elias promises more versions of himself, including a harpsichord player. As he starts his song, a SPECIAL BULLETIN appears on screen showing….the 1932 World Series?

Babe Ruth calls his shot (yes he did) and hits a home run….and here’s John Cena to Basic Thuganomics. Well you know the Yankees gear is making his skin crawl. Cena says Elias got the worst deal because John Cena is about to turn heel. He feels like he’s watching one of his movies because this whole thing sucks.

Cena isn’t feeling it because this is a wasted wrestling experiment. Cena: “They call me the golden shovel so I’m about to bury your push.” He throws him some nuts and says there’s no AA today, but here’s an FU. Cena lays him out with the knuckles and plants him with the FU. This worked well as Cena is often at his best when he’s making fun of himself.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Batista wanted one more match with HHH to end their careers on his terms so he beat up Ric Flair to get HHH’s attention. The match is on and it’s No Holds Barred.

Shawn Michaels is on commentary.

Batista vs. HHH

No Holds Barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista slips through the ropes on the way into the ring before heading outside to glare at Shawn. He even walks around the ring and does his entrance again, this time without the slipping. HHH’s entrance video seems to be inspired by Mad Max and shows a road race. The stage opens up and the car drives out with HHH on the back. I’ve seen worse.

Batista drives him into the corner to start but gets elbowed out to the floor. They fight to the floor with HHH going over the announcers’ table but managing to pull out a tool box to hit Batista in the head. Now it’s a chain to whip Batista in the back and choke a bit before going for some pliers. Batista’s finger gets bent back and HHH stomps on the pliers to make it even worse. Now it’s time for some needle nose pliers, but first he sits in a chair on Batista’s throat. HHH: “THAT’S A NICE NOSE RING!” And then he rips it out with the pliers!

Graves: “Batista won’t be able to be a guardian of the house like this! This guy is my boss!” Batista heads to the floor (Shawn: “His nose is bleeding!” Graves: “YOU THINK???”) and drops HHH onto the announcers’ table three times in a row without breaking the thing. Some chairs to the back keep HHH in trouble and they head back inside with Batista busting out a White Noise of all things.

Back to the floor with Batista putting the steps onto an announcers’ table and clearing off a second one, complete with a point to Shawn. The Batista Bomb off the steps is countered with a backdrop and the table STILL doesn’t break. Good grief where have those tables been all these years? HHH gets up, throws a crotch chop, and spears Batista through the German table. They slowly get back inside and HHH (eventually) finds a sledgehammer.

That just earns him a spear for two but a charge with the hammer is cut off by HHH’s raised boot. The spinebuster connects and it’s time for the Batista Bomb, with HHH dropping the hammer on his way down. That gets two and Batista brings the steps inside. He takes too long punching in the corner (right in front of the steps because wrestlers never learn) and gets powerbombed down onto the steps.

The Pedigree….only gets two as this keeps going. Batista gets in a DDT onto the steps and things stop again but here’s Ric Flair (I was waiting on him) to hand HHH a sledgehammer. HE COULDN’T DO THIS TEN MINUTES AGO??? HHH uses the steps to launch into a sledgehammer shot to the head but Batista pops back up so he can eat the Pedigree for the pin at 24:49. You know, because a JUMPING HAMMER TO THE HEAD isn’t enough to pin someone.

Rating: D+. The first ten minutes of this was very good but, as tends to be the case for almost any HHH match anymore, it went on too long because there was way too much laying around between moves. The ending looked ridiculous as well but that’s another situation. What they did early on was entertaining and brutal (that pliers thing was nuts) but I was looking at the clock near the end, which happens way too often.

Alexa Bliss (outfit #3) has the B Team model AND STILL CHAMPION Daniel Bryan shirts. Ron Simmons comes in for the cameo.

JBL joins commentary.

Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin

No Angle video package? Angle snaps off a belly to belly suplex but gets taken down early on. The rolling German suplexes give Kurt two but the Angle Slam is broken up for a big boot. The ankle lock is countered into Deep Six for two and Corbin is already getting frustrated. Kurt hits the Angle Slam for two but Corbin is right back and says You Can’t See Me. That odd taunt lets Angle roll some more German suplexes….and Kurt goes up. The moonsault misses as it always does…and the End of Days gives Corbin the pin at 6:00.

Rating: F. The idea of Kurt Angle losing to Baron Corbin in his last match is a failure. Not because it’s Angle last match. Not because the match wasn’t good. Not because WHY? But because we now have to deal with more Baron Corbin on Raw as more fans’ heads explode as we try to figure out what WWE sees in him. I’m sure this was Angle’s decision and while I can respect that, someone named McMahon should have overridden him.

Post match Angle wants his music played one last time so we can get in one more YOU SUCK. That’s exactly what he gets, as he should.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with special contacts in, is defending and Balor is the Demon, making its Wrestlemania debut. Balor hits a spinwheel kick and ax kick to the back, followed by a dropkick to put him on the floor. There’s the big flip dive but Lashley catches him with a spinebuster back inside. Lashley hits a heck of a spear through the ropes to drive Balor to the floor, followed by a regular one for two back inside. Balor gets back up and powerbombs Lashley (good one too) and the Coup de Grace gives Balor the title back at 4:04.

Rating: C. The spots were good (that spear was awesome) and the powerbomb looked awesome, but the problem is they didn’t need to do the Demon here. I get why they did it and it makes sense to do it at Wrestlemania, but at the same time what’s the point in having him do it if he can already beat Lashley and Lio Rush? It’s a good enough match, but this story was them trading the title and then the Demon doing what regular Balor could do.

Alexa (#4) announces the new WWE attendance record of 82,265. She thinks we need a break though so here are R-Truth and Carmella for the world’s largest dance break.

Wrestlemania XXXVI is in Tampa Bay on April 5, 2020.

We recap the women’s triple threat match. Becky Lynch has become the people’s champion, Charlotte is the Smackdown Women’s Champion and the corporate pick and Ronda Rousey is the Raw Women Champion and the unstoppable force. Tonight is winner take all for both belts, but it’s much more about the history because the match is actually headlining the show.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Ronda is Raw Women’s Champion and Charlotte is Smackdown Women’s Champion….and she comes in via helicopter and lands in the parking lot, where a red carpet is rolled out for her in a Horseman homage. Since she has to walk a good ways into the stadium, here are Joan Jett and the Blackhearts to play Ronda to the ring. The bell rings at 12:01am and Becky goes straight for the Disarm-Her on Ronda but gets shoved away so they can all head outside.

That means a Piper’s Pit for both of them and Ronda starts the trash talk. Charlotte gets up and sends Rousey into the barricade, setting up a showdown with Charlotte inside. The Disarm-Her to Becky is broken up and it’s Ronda coming back in to kick Becky in the face. A double powerbomb over the top is countered into a double armbar on Becky and Charlotte. Becky escapes and dropkicks Ronda to the floor for a NASTY crash on her back. Charlotte Downward Spirals Becky into the buckle for two as we look at Rousey landing square on her back again.

Becky is right back with the Disarm-Her but Ronda comes back to life and makes the save. A running knee breaks up the armbar on Becky and Charlotte hits a double Natural Selection for two each. Becky gets sent outside so Charlotte chops Ronda, who tells her to bring it. That’s just what Charlotte does with a backhand to the face so Ronda hits a jumping knee, which is countered into a Liontamer. Becky breaks it up with a bulldog and hits a double DDT for two each.

A super Bexploder gets two on Charlotte, setting up a double high crossbody from Rousey. The double armbar is countered with a double powerbomb Ronda is done for the moment. Becky calls Charlotte to her and avoids a charge, letting Becky kick her to the floor. The Disarm-Her goes on and Rousey uses the ropes to stand up for the break. A missed charge lets Becky get the Disarm-Her in the corner until Charlotte’s big boot breaks it up.

Charlotte starts in on Rousey’s knee and gets the Figure Four but Becky comes off the top with a legdrop for the save. And now, a table because that’s what this match was calling for. Rousey breaks up a powerbomb through the table and turns the table over, saying tables are for b****** (at least the third time she’s used that word so far). Charlotte comes back in for a double spear as Cole’s voice is almost gone.

The table is set up in the corner and Charlotte gets two off a spear to Becky. Rousey gets back up and helps Becky drive Charlotte somewhat through the table to knock her outside. The fight is on and Rousey goes with a Shining Wizard and tries Piper’s Pit….but gets reversed into a crucifix to give Becky the pin and the titles at 22:27!

Rating: B. The ending was straight out of Angle vs. Benoit at Wrestlemania XVII with the submission attempts all match until the quick pinfall. What matters here is Becky defeated Rousey to win the titles as she should have. That was how this show needed to end and it did, even if the ending could have been a bit smoother. Charlotte will be fine and I’m curious to see who goes after Becky as the first victim.

Replays show Rousey’s shoulders were WAY up so there’s your story going forward (if Rousey sticks around). Cole: “Tonight will forever be known as WrestleMANia!” Oh just stop dude. Pyro and posing takes us out.

Overall Rating: B-. Let’s get the things I got wrong out of the way first. First: this was WAY better than I was expecting after last year’s near nightmare of a show. Second: they actually did give us three happy endings, which I said several times would not happen. I’m very glad to be wrong on that, but I certainly was wrong. Third: yeah HHH vs. Batista went on too long and it brought things down. I had high hopes and they didn’t come through.

Now for the good stuff: the right people won (mostly) and the big matches all went to the right people. For the first time in way too long, we had something to cheer about. If that’s it for Lesnar at the moment, thank goodness because he needs to go away for a long time and leave the title here. Rollins will be fine as champion for the summer before someone wins Money in the Bank and takes it from him (It’s going to be Corbin isn’t it?). Becky winning was the right way to go also, even if the ending was a little rushed. There’s one big one left though.

Kofi Kingston is WWE Champion. That was one of the best moments I’ve seen WWE put on in years and might pass Bryan in New Orleans. It felt special and you don’t get that often enough, mainly because there was serious doubt if they could actually pull the trigger. I loved that moment and was happier than I’ve been at something in a long time. I’d have loved to see it close the show, but I get why they couldn’t go there. Incredible moment though.

Overall, the pacing was FAR better than what they’ve had in recent years and while there was a lot of stuff they needed to trim down (despite having multiple matches go less than five minutes), it didn’t drag nearly as bad as it has before. It still needs to be shorter by about an hour (at least) and not everyone needs to be on the show, but for what we got, it was one of the better shows in recent memory and we got a genuine Wrestlemania moment. Well done, and it was close to being great.

Results

Seth Rollins b. Brock Lesnar – Stomp

AJ Styles b. Randy Orton – Phenomenal Forearm

Usos b. The Bar, Aleister Black/Ricochet and Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev – Double Us to Sheamus

Shane McMahon b. The Miz – McMahon pinned Shane after a superplex off a camera tower

IIconics b. Boss N Hug Connection, Nia Jax/Tamina and Beth Phoenix/Natalya – Super Glam Slam to Bayley

Kofi Kingston b. Daniel Bryan – Trouble in Paradise

Samoa Joe b. Rey Mysterio – Koquina Clutch

Roman Reigns b. Drew McIntyre – Spear

HHH b. Batista – Pedigree

Baron Corbin b. Kurt Angle – End of Days

Finn Balor b. Bobby Lashley – Coup de Grace

Becky Lynch b. Ronda Rousey and Charlotte – Crucifix to Rousey

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXIV
Date: April 8, 2018
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 78,133
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton
America the Beautiful: Chloe x Hallie

I’m not sure if it’s because I was in the stadium last year or something else, but this show was actually a bit more memorable than the previous few editions. Hopefully it’s just as good watching it back but you never can tell with these things. Brock Lesnar is defending the Universal Title against Roman Reigns in the main event because of course he is so let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Titus O’Neil, Luke Gallows, Dash Wilder, Chad Gable, Curt Hawkins, Scott Dawson, Primo Colon, Kane, Curtis Axel, Apollo, Tye Dillinger, Rhyno, Aiden English, Matt Hardy, Tyler Breeze, Mike Kanellis, Karl Anderson, Mojo Rawley, R-Truth, Sin Cara, Dolph Ziggler, Viktor, Shelton Benjamin, Goldust, Bo Dallas, Zack Ryder, Baron Corbin, Heath Slater, Konnor, Fandango

JR and Jerry Lawler come out for commentary with Byron Saxton for a bit of a feel good moment. It’s a brawl to start with English getting backdropped out, much to the fans’ annoyance. Anderson dumps Konnor and Ziggler starts his tradition of hanging on to avoid elimination. There goes Hawkins as we still need to clear out a lot of the ring. Former partners R-Truth and Goldust shake hands with Goldust eliminating him, cutting off JR’s Bearcat Wright’s references.

Primo is out next as there’s almost nothing between these eliminations. Kanellis gets tossed and Ziggler hangs on again. Things settle down a bit unto Apollo knees Breeze as JR mocks Ziggler for always having to save himself. Viktor is gone too and the Revival beats on Ryder but he’s right back up. The Broski Boot is loaded up on Ziggler (JR: “Ziggler in trouble. Again.”) but Rawley Pounces Ryder out in a nice touch. A Liger kick from Gable eliminates Anderson and Titus gets rid of Gallows as we take a break.

Apollo getting backdropped out and Benjamin follows him…and let’s look at the announcers. We come back with Rhyno and the Revival gone and Kane eliminating Axel and Dallas. And now, we look at John Cena in the crowd as a fan, because I had forgotten about that stupid story. Back with Sin Cara eliminated by Corbin and Fandango dancing at Kane, earning himself an elimination off a single uppercut.

Corbin gets rid of Slater and Kane eliminates Gable, leaving us with the big power showdown. Everyone else jumps the monsters and it’s a superkick to Titus, setting a clothesline to get rid of him. We’re down to Corbin, Dillinger, Goldust, Rawley, Ziggler, Hardy and Kane as Goldust loads up Shattered Dreams on Dillinger. That’s broken up by Ziggler so Goldust ties him up for Shattered Dreams as well. Dillinger takes the kick but Ziggler eliminates Goldust.

That leaves us with a TEN vs. DELETE battle with a Twist of Fate and Dillinger is gone. Kane tosses Ziggler but gets eliminated by Corbin to get us down to Corbin, Hardy and Rawley. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy and the villains go for the elimination….but here’s the returning Bray Wyatt for Sister Abigail into an elimination for Rawley. Corbin drops Wyatt but gets backdropped out to give Matt the win at 16:36.

Rating: D+. It was a battle royal that got a lot of time and wasn’t all that interesting. The ending was a cool moment and it’s the best way to get everyone on the card, even if most of these people mean a grand total of nothing. It’s not a good match or even anything memorable, but at least it got the crowd warmed up….with an hour to go before the show itself starts.

Post match Matt thanks Bray and we get a hug, which JR deems a Wrestlemania moment.

Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

Tournament final to crown a new champion after Enzo Amore was finally banished. Ali debuts his SubZero look, which he still uses a year later. They’re both very happy to be there and slaps hands before getting started. Cedric scores with a shoulder block but gets headscissored down as the announcers are right there to play up the power vs. speed idea, though you don’t exactly think of power when it comes to Alexander.

Ali heads to the apron and gets enziguried down, setting up the big flip dive to the floor and…actually not a break. Back in and Cedric starts in on the ribs with a waistlock, followed by a heck of a backdrop for two. Ali gets out of another waistlock and faceplants him for two as Alexander looks focused while being in pain. The running Spanish Fly drops Ali again and it takes both of them time to get up. They’re doing a rather good job of showing how even these two are, which is what you should be doing in a tournament final.

Ali is up first and tries a tornado DDT but gets placed on top, where Ali catches him with a super Spanish Fly, shocking even Cena. The 054 is loaded up but Cedric knocks him off the top for a huge crash to the floor. That’s not serious so let’s go split screen for a Ronda Rousey ad. I mean…fair enough. Back in the Lumbar Check is countered, setting up Ali’s awesome tornado DDT.

Now the 054 connects for two, the first time the move has ever only gotten a near fall. Another 054 misses and it’s a pair of spinning back elbows to Ali’s face. A third turns Ali inside out and the Lumbar Check makes Cedric champion at 12:21. Cedric immediately hugs the unconscious Ali in a nice show of sportsmanship.

Rating: B. I was pulling for Ali but it felt like a title match between two guys fighting with everything they had. Cedric was the favorite in the entire tournament but Ali came off looking like a star the whole way through. This was rather good stuff and should have been the Kickoff Show main event, though I’ll take a good match when I can.

Kickoff Show: Women’s Battle Royal

Dana Brooke, Becky Lynch, Sarah Logan, Lana, Bianca Belair, Naomi, Sonya Deville, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Peyton Royce, Natalya, Dakota Kai, Mickie James, Taynara Conti, Ruby Riott, Kairi Sane, Sasha Banks, Liv Morgan, Kavita Devi, Bayley

This was going to be the Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal but history intervened and it’s just a regular battle royal this time around. Paige and Beth Phoenix are on commentary and the former has some advice: don’t get thrown over the top rope. Becky comes out first, everyone else comes out, followed by Sasha and Bayley to fill out the field. Miss Money in the Bank Carmella (erg) poses with the briefcase to start and everyone gangs up on her for the easy elimination.

Deville, who got the elimination, poses in the big circle of women but Dana gets thrown in the middle instead. That means trash talk from Brooke and the big beatdown is on with Mandy tossing Dana. The NXT women team up to send the main roster women outside (through the ropes rather than over, which I can’t stand in battle royals) so we can get the WE ARE NXT pose.

Becky yells at Devi about orange being HER COLOR as some of the main roster women get back in. Kai eliminates Mandy as Paige declares Deville her favorite member of Absolution. We stop for the NXT women to triple team Deville, setting up Belair’s 450, because THAT MAKES SENSE IN A BATTLE ROYAL! Deville is out and we take a break, coming back with Sane being tossed after hitting the Insane Elbow thanks to more ganging up on Riott during the break.

Lana and Devi are tossed and Conti gets kicked out by the Squad. Becky and Belair have a less than thrilling slugout and the hair whip is incredibly loud. Belair misses a charge though and gets kicked out, followed by Kai kicking Naomi in the face. Banks gets rid of Kai without much effort and there goes Becky to a chorus of boos (I think Becky will be fine). Ruby knocks Mickie out and it’s Royce’s turn to kick people in the face.

Logan powerbombs her out as well though and we’re down to Morgan, Logan, Riott, Bayley, Banks, Natalya and Naomi, who is out on the floor (oh dear). For some reason Natalya decides to pose with her back turned to the Squad but manages to suplex Ruby and Sarah at the same time.

Bayley saves Sasha from a suplex and helps get rid of Natalya. Morgan is out as well and there goes Ruby. Banks sends Logan to the apron and Bayley knocks her out, leaving us with Banks and Bayley. The fans actually get on their feet to cheer for this one and the handshake…lets Bayley throw Banks out to a big reaction but Naomi gets back in for the Rear View. That’s enough for the win at 9:39.

Rating: F+. I had forgotten how annoying that ending was but it makes you realize just how stupid this whole thing was. Bayley and Banks would go on to have their weird semi-feud and then partnership over the year while Naomi has done NOTHING important since this match. You have something here with Bayley and the bright idea is to do the HAHA WE TRICKED YOU ending? That’s been done to death in battle royals and it’s not like this was anything more than a surprise ending, which was really stupid given how Bayley had been searching for anything important for the last year. This actually ticked me off again so well done.

Jojo introduces Chloe and Hallie to sing America the Beautiful, describing them as the “future of music”. Well if Jojo says it then it must be true.

The opening video shows shots of parties in New Orleans and, just like in 2014, features a tagline of Let The Good Times Roll. They couldn’t come up with anything else in four years? And the theme song is still Celebrate by Kid Rock. Ok it’s a catchy song, but is there nothing else (or no one else) that they could use?

Yay pyro! And cool set with the Mardi Gras mask, which looked awesome all night long.

I was in the stadium for this show, sitting in the lower bowl and looking not quite directly at the far post on the right side opposite the hard camera.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

Miz is defending and we get the new idea this year: 3D graphics for some of the entrances, including Miz who gets the Miz logo and various words to describe him, including MOVIE STAR. Miz sends the Miztourage to the back because he wants to do this himself for his newborn daughter. The weird part is you couldn’t see those in the stadium (obviously) but you could see them on the screens around the building, which made your head snap around a few times.

Balor isn’t the Demon here, but instead comes out with a bunch of LGBT people in rainbow Balor Club shirts labeled FOR EVERYONE. If nothing else, it’s awesome to see the stadium doing the Balor pose at once. This was set up with both guys beating Miz in one night, because Balor beating Miz after Miz had a long match with Rollins is totally the same thing.

They all go for the way too early rollups to start with Miz being sent outside. That means Rollins can miss a Stomp on Balor but a superkick to the ribs works just fine. Balor sends Rollins outside though and it’s the big running flip dive onto both of them for the first major pop of the night. Back in and basement dropkick gives Balor two on Miz but Rollins is back in with a high crossbody.

Miz finally gets to do something other than get beaten up as we look at Cena in the crowd again. Rollins grabs a double Blockbuster for two on Miz but he’s right back up with a knee to the ribs (not face Cole). The chinlock goes on, which shouldn’t be the case less than four minutes into a triple threat. Back up and a neckbreaker gets two on Miz as they’re just trading moves until we get to the big stuff. Another chinlock seems to annoy Balor so he gets up again and hits the double stomp to Miz’s ribs.

Rollins is back in for a Sling Blade to Balor, setting up a suicide dive to Balor and Miz. A superkick drops Balor again but Miz comes in with a DDT for two. Miz goes with the strategy by bending Balor’s knee around the ropes and slapping on the Figure Four. The frog splash from Rollins (from out of nowhere for an awesome visual) breaks it up and all three of them head outside.

Balor escapes the barricade powerbomb and dropkicks them both into the barricade instead. Back in again and 1916 gets two on Rollins but Miz breaks up the Coup de Grace. Instead of the Tower of Doom though it’s the buckle bomb to Miz and a superplex into the Falcon Arrow to Balor. The Skull Crushing Finale gives Miz two on Rollins and they’re all down again.

Balor does his hop over the ropes in the corner but gets crotched for trying the Coup de Grace again. It’s just not working this time dude. Miz goes up top with Balor and catches a springboarding Rollins with something close to a super Skull Crushing Finale. Balor breaks it up with a Coup de Grace and hits a second on Miz but the Stomp breaks that up too. Another Stomp hits Miz to give Rollins the pin and the title at 15:37.

Rating: B-. This might have been a few minutes too long but Rollins winning was a fine call as he’s more than over enough and kind of fits the Workrate Champion idea to perfection. Miz can come back and break the all time days record later and Balor is over no matter what. Not a great match, but a very hot opener and the fans were into everything here.

We recap the Smackdown Women’s Title match, which is billed as the BIGGEST WOMEN’S MATCH IN WRESTLEMANIA HISTORY. My how times change. Anyway Charlotte is the queen of everything and Asuka won the Royal Rumble to earn this shot. It’s absolutely a dream match with Charlotte being Charlotte and Asuka still being undefeated.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Asuka

Charlotte is defending and gets the full Ric Flair theme song, complete with a HHH from Wrestlemania XXX inspired entrance, meaning soldiers to help her off a throne and take her robe. Asuka on the other hand gets the CGI masks with rainbow colored lines surrounding them, which look cool on screen but live….not so much. They lock up to start and take turns flipping out of wristlocks for an early standoff.

Charlotte loads up a monkey flip but instead trips the leg for a failed Figure Eight attempt. You can feel the intensity here and it’s working well so far. Some chops to the chest (and one to the face) have Asuka in trouble but she’s right back with a hip attack to knock Charlotte outside. Back in and it’s time to start in on the arm but Charlotte gets in a backbreaker into an STO. Charlotte uses a Backpack Stunner to get out of a sleeper and a knee to the back of the head keeps Asuka in trouble.

It’s enough trouble for Charlotte to go up top for the moonsault….which is countered into a triangle for a sweet escape. Charlotte reverses into a Boston crab until Asuka makes the rope. A sliding kick to the face knocks Charlotte backwards and it’s back to the arm as Asuka continues to follow her game plan. They head to the apron with Asuka suplexing her out to the floor in a good looking crash. Sometimes you need to just go with a big spot like that and it worked very well.

Back in and they stare each other down until Asuka just erupts with strikes to the face. A missile dropkick gets two and Asuka stomps on the back. Charlotte is fine enough for the chops to catch Asuka on top and it’s a super Spanish Fly for two with the fans getting much more into things in a hurry. Natural Selection is countered into something like an Octopus Hold from Asuka’s back for a cool change of pace.

Charlotte tries to flip out and into the Figure Eight but Asuka kicks her in the head for a block. Well that’s certainly to the point. The Asuka Lock is blocked and Charlotte hits a very good spear for two more as the fans are WAY into this. With nothing else working, Charlotte goes to the Figure Eight and bridges up with one arm….and Asuka taps at 13:05 in a shocker.

Rating: A-. I don’t get shocked by results very often but I was actually stunned to see how this went. I would have bet money on Asuka walking out as champion here but Charlotte winning was far from a ridiculous result. Now the problem is what this did to Asuka, as she only started to recover from the loss nearly a year later. Charlotte would lose the title to Carmella two days later, bringing some dark days to the belt. This however was anything but dark, with an outstanding match between two stars.

Post match Asuka gets the mic and says Charlotte was ready for her in the ultimate sign of respect.

With Charlotte on the ramp and Asuka in the ring, a referee tells Cena something that makes him get out of his seat and run up the ramp. You really couldn’t wait until the women were gone so they could have the full moment?

US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton vs. Rusev

Orton is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Aiden English (now bald, meaning he shaved his head since the end of the battle royal when he had hair) handles Rusev’s entrance and we get my favorite shot every year: a closeup of someone with the camera swinging around to show the stadium crowd in front of them. There’s something so cool about seeing just how big of a stage they’re really on. Anyway, Rusev is crazy over and easily the crowd favorite. Does anyone else see an issue with Orton’s music saying “I hear voices in my head” while his Titantron says IN MY VEINS?

While you think about that, Orton and Mahal are sent outside, leaving Rusev to dropkick (yes dropkick) Roode to the floor. A RUSEV DAY Cannonball off the apron takes Orton and Mahal down again but Roode is back in with a Blockbuster for two on Rusev. The other two get back in and it’s Mahal getting beaten up by Orton and Roode before being tossed right back to the floor. Orton hits the top rope superplex on Roode with Rusev and Mahal diving back in for the save.

That’s enough for Mahal to ask Rusev for a partnership but Rusev doesn’t even bother waiting before hitting Mahal with a spinning belly to back suplex for two. Roode makes it worse by busting Mahal’s spine and hitting the GLORIOUS pose, only to have Orton make a save this time.

That leaves Orton alone in the ring and it’s the hanging DDT on Rusev. The RKO hits English, Rusev and Mahal so it’s Roode making a save of his own. Roode blocks the RKO and plants Orton with the Glorious DDT as Mahal saves. The Machka Kick drops Mahal but Sunil Singh offers a distraction, letting Mahal hit the Khallas for the pin on Rusev at 8:14. You could literally feel the energy go out of the crowd.

Rating: D+. There was some hard work in there but this was the definition of Vince saying screw the audience because it’s all about what I want. Rusev was one of the most popular guys in the company and had been for months but instead we get Mahal, who was an all time bomb as WWE Champion getting to pin Rusev.

It’s not like there was even a long term plan as Mahal would lose the title a mere eight days later. Rusev would indeed get the title nearly nine months later, after his popularity had fallen way down, meaning it was acceptable to give the fans what they want. This really hurt the show and it’s going to be hard to recover.

We recap Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon and yeah I think this might help the recovery process. After being at Wrestlemania XXXI and attacking Stephanie, Rousey made her official WWE debut at the Royal Rumble earlier in the year. She wanted to go to Wrestlemania and since she was (at the time) the most dominant female UFC fighter of all time, Stephanie wanted to mold her into a WWE star.

Angle, who had been screwed over by Stephanie and HHH before, warned Ronda that they would mess with her too. That didn’t sit well with Rousey, who beat both of them up on the way to this mixed tag match. Naturally we got a lot of Stephanie workout videos because she’s STEPHANIE and that makes her some wrestling legend. It’s sickening, and I was waiting on her to survive the armbar in the match. It was clear that this was going to be full of smoke and mirrors, but the question is how well Rousey is going to do in her debut. This is one of the main events of the show and something a lot of people really wanted to see.

Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon

HHH and Stephanie come out on matching motorcycles (flanked by four women on their own motorcycles), with Stephanie’s biker look (including the leather pants) making me a lot less annoyed at her. Cole: “Even though Stephanie is a former Women’s Champion, this is her Wrestlemania in-ring debut!” WWE pretending that Stephanie was a wrestler is one of their more interesting character tweaks. Rousey gets a huge reaction and of course smiles at the crowd, as is her custom. Cole talks about two people starting in UFC and coming to WWE: Ken Shamrock and now Rousey. So they’re not Dan Severn fans either?

The fans are WAY behind Rousey as they stare each other down in the middle. Stephanie shoves Rousey in the face because Stephanie just never learns. A hair pull doesn’t prove to be the brightest idea either so Stephanie bails to the apron so the guys can start us off. Angle (very badly) punches at HHH and the beating is on in the corner. A hammerlock keeps HHH does as we’re just waiting for this to explode as it should be doing.

Stephanie manages to lure Rousey in though and Angle gets low bridged to the floor. Cole calls this “that McMahon instinct” as the worship is already a lot to take. Angle gets sent into the steps and Rousey is about to lose it because she can’t intervene. Some more cheap shots from Stephanie keep Rousey angry and a spinebuster gives HHH two. A front facelock keeps Angle down but he gets a boot up in the corner.

Stephanie chokes Angle and HHH nearly hits her by mistake but it’s still too early for the hot tag. A suplex drops HHH again but Stephanie runs around and pulls Rousey off the apron. HHH gets whipped over the corner for the real crash and you can see the panic in Stephanie. The hot tag brings in Rousey (Graves: “CALL THE COPS!!!”) who SPRINTS over to Stephanie and throws her down with a suplex. After the required tug of the shorts, Rousey unloads with rights and lefts in the corner as the fans are already losing it. The release throw sends Stephanie back into the corner and Graves is terrified.

The fans want and receive the armbar….but Stephanie blocks it. Yes the hold that UFC fighters were powerless again is a simple block for Stephanie as the crowd’s soul is slapped down again. Stephanie blocks it a second time and rakes the eyes (Cole: “Complete manipulation of the rules!” Ignore the complete manipulation of reality and focus on those rules man.”), setting up a double arm crank as the fans try to process that they’re really doing this.

Stephanie even mocks Rousey, who grabs her by the throat and hits the swinging Samoan drop for two with HHH pulling the referee. Rousey: “I’m going to continue beating up your wife ok?” HHH pulls her out as well, apparently not a fan of such chatty opponents. Angle is back up and sends HHH over the announcers’ table but gets thrown onto the Spanish table. After a slow crawl, HHH is back in and sees Rousey, who is ready to fight. HHH puts the referee in the corner and sizes Rousey up and the beating is on in the corner.

A legsweep looks to set up the swinging Samoan drop but Stephanie makes a save. I know I’m not a big HHH fan a lot of the time but he just made Rousey look like the biggest star in the history of the division. Rousey chases Stephanie outside though and has to adjust the gear again, allowing Stephanie to post her. Angle is back in for some belly to belly suplexes and the rolling Germans but the ankle lock is countered. The Pedigree is countered as well and HHH gets catapulted into the corner, setting up the Angle Slam for two with no one making a save.

Stephanie breaks up the ankle lock and yells at Angle, who catches the boot to the ribs. HHH has to save his wife and Pedigrees Angle for two with Rousey making her own save this time. With Angle down, HHH loads Rousey up for a powerbomb but gets hurricanranaed (!) into the armbar on HHH (I completely bought that as the finish live) until Stephanie grabs a choke.

That’s reversed into an armbar and Stephanie has the gall to block it AGAIN. Angle ankle locks HHH, who rolls Angle into Rousey for the real save. Rousey and Angle get posted and it’s time for stereo Pedigrees, both of which are broken up. The armbar is slapped on again and this time Rousey uses the leverage to pull back and Stephanie finally taps at 20:37.

Rating: A. That’s not even on a sliding scale because Rousey knocked that out harder than she knocked out Alexis Davis. She looked like she’s been doing this for ten years and had one of the best debut matches I’ve ever seen. Everyone else was nailing it too and I got completely sucked into it both live and watching it back because all of the stuff was that good. Don’t have Stephanie block the armbar so often and this is an A+ easy.

That was the only downgrade, even though you knew full well it was coming. To be fair though, Stephanie did tap out clean in the end so it wasn’t the most ridiculous thing ever. Well the first part was but not the finish. After this, how can you now see Rousey as the star that she already was?

Stephanie has to be helped out, as she should. She would get armbarred again the next night for a bonus.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

The Usos are defending after the Bludgeon Brothers destroyed both other teams last month at Fastlane. Woods plays the trombone (using the same tune that would summon the Dragonzord on Mighty Morphin Power Rangers)…to bring out a fleet of small people dressed as stacks of pancakes, some of whom do the Worm. I still don’t get why pancakes are supposed to be funny, but anyone who plays a trombone like the Dragon Dagger (that thing was IMPOSSIBLE to find back in the day) is cool with me.

Kofi wastes no time in hitting Trouble in Paradise on Jey but Harper pulls him outside before the count. Jimmy gets sent into the steps and Harper crashes against Big E. against the barricade. With no one else to beat up, Woods gets powerbombed against the post, leaving Rowan to splash Kofi and Jey back inside. The mostly done Jey is thrown outside and Big E. gets knocked off the apron. Jimmy comes back in for a pair of superkicks and Jey is back up for stereo kicks to Harper’s head in the corner.

A jumping enziguri hits Harper and a superkick knocks Rowan to the floor, setting up a double suplex on the outside. Harper catches Kofi with a swinging release Boss Man Slam but gets caught with a double superkick on top. Rowan breaks up the Tower of Doom so Kofi charges at Harper, only to get powerbombed by Rowan. An assisted super sitout powerbomb finishes Kofi to give Harper and Rowan the titles at 5:55.

Rating: C-. The time cuts aside, this wasn’t the worst match in the world with the Usos and the New Day giving it all they had against the monsters but not being able to stop them. The Bludgeon Brothers were the first time a team other than the Usos or New Day had held the belts in over a year so this was long, long overdue and the right call.

Here’s what’s coming to the Network, most of which actually happened for a change.

Here’s a fired up John Cena for his match with Undertaker. This comes after weeks of Cena calling out Undertaker for Wrestlemania because Undertaker seemingly retired after last year’s show. Cena came off as the biggest jerk in this feud and acting like Undertaker owed him something. There was no confirmation that Undertaker was going to be here, hence him sitting in the crowd earlier.

That’s the other stupid part of the whole thing: Cena kept talking about how he had no path to Wrestlemania, because JOHN CENA couldn’t get a match. He gave some lame excuse about how this was the only match that mattered and it didn’t do a thing to make up for the consistently annoying lines from commentary about Cena possibly being left out of Wrestlemania. I get what they were going for, but come on already.

Anyway Cena is ready to go but here’s a referee to say not so fast. Cena is disappointed and the lights go out. It’s only Elias though and Cena heads back to his seat as Elias sings about it being his night. That’s enough for Cena who runs in and beats Elias up before looking disappointed again. Cole: “I guess that would be a Wrestlemania moment right?” He goes up the ramp but stops….and the lights go out again. A spotlight hits the ring with Undertaker’s hat, coat and boots, which are hit by lighting (looks awful on the Network, looked great when you didn’t see it coming in the stadium. They’re gone, and the gong strikes.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

I know he’s been old for ten years, but that entrance live, especially in the stadium, is chilling. Cole of course can’t SHUT UP, saying everything he can think of, including calling them the two greatest performers of all time. Undertaker goes straight at him in the corner to start and hits the jumping clothesline. Old School connects and Undertaker hits some running clotheslines in the corner. Snake Eyes into the big boot into the big leg have Cena rocked but the chokeslam is escaped.

Cena’s belly to back connects but Undertaker sits up before the Shuffle, making Cena fall down in fear. The chokeslam into the Tombstone finishes Cena at 2:48. The more I think of this one, the more I like it. Cena ran his mouth for so long and Undertaker annihilated him here, just as he should have. While a lot of people will be annoyed at not getting a full form match between these two, I’d rather they do this than have Undertaker look back in a fifteen minute match.

Video on the Hall of Fame ceremony.

Here’s the Hall of Fame Class, which really doesn’t need to air on the show. They already get a whole evening to themselves. Do we really need ten minutes on Wrestlemania too?

Jeff Jarrett (eh sure, though it’s still weird to see him here)

Mark Henry (still not sure on him, though his documentary was great)

Hillbilly Jim (I’m a Kentucky boy but come on)

Ivory (she looks better now than she did during her career)

Jarius JJ Robertson (Warrior Award)

Dudley Boyz (yep)

Goldberg (yep, though I’d call the Dudleys more appropriate headliners)

Oh and Kid Rock, this year’s celebrity inductee, wasn’t there because he had a concert.

We recap Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens. Bryan somehow overcame his injuries and returned to the ring in something I still can barely believe. Owens and Zayn had tormented Smackdown boss Shane for months and then attacked Bryan for firing them the night he was announced as being cleared. Therefore it’s a tag match with Owens and Zayn fighting for their jobs. Yeah that’s all well and good. The point here is Bryan actually getting back in the ring, which is almost impossible to imagine.

Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens vs. Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon

Owens and Zayn beat McMahon up on Smackdown to cover for Shane’s legitimate medical issues. Chris Jericho was apparently on red phone alert for this show with a plan to have him fly in from a Fozzy show on the corporate jet in case Shane couldn’t make the show. Bryan gets a special entrance with a weird military/Terminator themed video showing a target on the Superdome before looking at the YES Movement spreading throughout the world in a cool moment. You can feel the emotions in Bryan as he comes down the aisle and it’s an amazing sight to behold.

Owens and Zayn jump the good guys from behind and Shane gets thrown over the barricade. Bryan takes a Helluva kick and the apron powerbomb to leave him laying. Medics come out to check on Bryan as yes, they actually are trying to stretch this out even further. Shane is willing to fight on his own and unloads with the really bad punches to Owens in the corner.

There’s the jumping back elbow but Shane grabs his stomach due to the diverticulitis (the same thing that ruined Lesnar’s UFC career). A DDT drops Sami but Owens gets in a shot to the stomach to cut Shane off. We settle down into a regular match with Sami elbowing the ribs and going for one cover after another. Owens steps on the ribs and applauds Bryan for such a great return. A t-bone suplex gives Sami two and a superkick into the Blue Thunder Bomb is good for the same. The fans don’t care about this whatsoever and there’s no reason for them to.

With Bryan STILL being tended to at ringside, it’s just a big waiting game until Bryan gets back up and makes the hot tag. The Helluva Kick misses in the corner and Sami gets tied in the Tree of Woe. Coast to Coast hits but Shane can’t follow up because of the stomach. Owens drops the frog splash on Shane but Bryan dives in for the save to bring the fans back to life. The hot tag is cut off though and we hit the chinlock to make the fans wait a little longer. A belly to back suplex gets Shane out of trouble though and there’s the tag, with Bryan taking his time before getting in for an awesome moment.

House is cleaned and it’s the moonsault over Sami into the running clothesline. Owens comes back in and Bryan gets them in opposite corners for alternating running dropkicks. Sami is back with a Helluva Kick for two on Bryan and Owens superkicks Shane to the floor. The Pop Up Powerbomb gets two more and Owens is shocked at the kickout. Shane dives onto Owens, leaving Sami to yell at Bryan for coming back and punch him in the face. That’s enough for Bryan and the fight is on, including the YES Kicks. The running knee sets up the YES Lock to make Sami tap at 15:24.

Rating: C+. This was two matches in one with the rather boring beatdown of Shane for the first half before Bryan came in and gave the fans exactly what they wanted for the second half. It was all about Bryan and that’s all it was supposed to be. The idea that he actually made it back to the ring is amazing and one of the most surprising stories you’ll ever see in wrestling. He deserved a big moment like this and that’s what we got here, albeit after Shane got in his own time of course.

Attendance announcement, with pyro because it’s Wrestlemania.

We recap Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss. They were friends, but Jax found out that Bliss was making fun of her behind her back. Jax went into monster mode and chased after Bliss and her friend Mickie James, setting up this match. Now there’s no reason this shouldn’t be about thirty seconds long, but it’s Wrestlemania and what matters is getting on the card and having a long match instead of doing what makes sense.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax

Bliss, with James in her corner, is defending and is lowered down to the stage on a platform for a nice touch. We get the Big Match Intros and Bliss immediately backs up as she should. Jax gets smart and runs Mickie over before the bell rings to send her outside for a heck of a beatdown. Bliss tries to intervene and gets glared back to the ring, leaving James to take a Samoan drop on the floor.

We get back inside for the opening bell and Bliss slaps her in the face. That earns a scream from Nia so Bliss screams back in true scream queen fashion. A gorilla press slam has Bliss bailing to the floor and it’s time to leave, only to have Nia run her over again. Back in and Bliss pokes her in the eye before going after the knee in a smart move.

What’s not a smart move is this match already going nearly three minutes with Bliss getting in any significant offense. A basement dropkick keeps Jax in trouble but a guillotine choke is easily countered via an overhead belly to belly suplex. Jax goes shoulder first into the post as the fans are quiet all over again. Twisted Bliss to a standing Nia on the floor gives Bliss another knockdown, setting up the short DDT for two back inside.

Bliss yells at her so Nia tells her to shut up already and the destruction begins. Another poke to the eye is no sold and Bliss gets whipped hard into the buckles. Bliss goes to the eye again to get out of the Samoan drop but Jax drives her into the corner and then drops her. That’s not enough as it’s a super Samoan drop to give Jax the pin and the title at 9:02.

Rating: D-. What were they thinking here? The whole story was that Bliss was all talk and survived because of Nia but then she hangs with Nia for the better part of ten minutes? This should have been thirty seconds long with Bliss getting the title back later on (as she did in June) after coming back from getting squashed. Just a bad idea all around here, save for Jax FINALLY winning the title.

We recap AJ Styles defending the Smackdown World Title against Shinsuke Nakamura. They had a classic match in Japan and a lot of fans wanted to see it again in WWE. Nakamura won the Royal Rumble and the match was on, with both guys trying to get in the other’s head on the way to New Orleans. So yeah, they’re just going with “it’s a dream match” for the build, which works just fine.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura is challenging and gets played to the ring by Nita Strauss (awesome guitar player and rather gorgeous at the same time). The army of violinists and drummers help too. Since WWE can’t go more than five minutes without making some kind of a mistake, AJ is billed as Universal Champion. They lock up to start with Nakamura getting the better of it with some knees to the ribs.

Good Vibrations is blocked and AJ gets in his own knee before starting in on the back. Styles grabs a chinlock for a bit before dropkicking him to the floor. That’s not the best idea though as it’s a kick to the head to stagger Styles and the champ is in trouble for the first time. Nakamura’s middle rope kick to the face gets two and that’s a COME ON to set up the strikes to the face.

The running knee to the ribs in the corner gets two but AJ is right back with a belly to back faceplant. A sliding forearm into the pumphandle gutbuster gets two on Nakamura as they’re trading big spots. AJ’s springboard is countered into the Landslide (Samoan driver) for two but Nakamura needs a minute before following up. With nothing else working, Nakamura goes with the kicks, which are countered into the Calf Crusher.

Since it’s Nakamura, that’s reversed into a triangle choke, which AJ powers into something like a fisherman’s buster for another double knockdown. It’s Nakamura up first and trying a running knee in the corner but the bad knee hit the buckle instead. AJ is right back with a Phenomenal Forearm for two in the required kickout of the first finisher.

The springboard 450 hits knees and Nakamura grabs a small package for two of his own. They slug it out until AJ nails the Pele but can’t follow up, allowing Nakamura to knee him in the back of the head for a much nearer fall. The reverse exploder looks to set up the Kinshasa but AJ rolls through into the Styles Clash for the pin to retain at 20:21.

Rating: B+. This was close to being a classic but it’s really just a very good match instead. Part of the problem here is how late the match came in the show. The fans were starting to get worn down and there was only so much energy left in the people. Also it never quite got to the epic level that they were shooting for with Nakamura never really getting the close near falls that he needed to take it to another level. Still that, very good and worthy of a Wrestlemania title match.

Post match they hug in a copy of the earlier match where the Japanese winner of the Royal Rumble was defeated in the title match. Nakamura kneels to him and presents AJ with the title…before hitting him low for a heel turn which should have led to him winning the title. It kind of did, but the US Title instead of the World Title, which is why Nakamura is nowhere near as big a deal just a year later. Also, why should I want to see AJ face Nakamura again when he just beat him clean? Nakamura hits him with two Kinshasas before leaving.

We recap the Kickoff Show. This is another few minutes that could be cut off.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman/???

The Bar is defending after Strowman won a battle royal to become #1 contenders despite not having a partner. Therefore the big question for over a month is who would the partner be. The Bar comes out on a Mardi Gras float, complete with people in large headed costumes for a cool visual. There’s no partner for Strowman, who breaks up the float before coming to the ring.

We get the Big Match Intros and Strowman takes the mic to introduce the partner. It’s not someone in the locker room….because it’s one of the fans. Strowman looks around, looks around some more, and then points at someone in the crowd. He walks into the crowd, walks around some more…and picks a ten year old. They walk back to the ring to burn up even more time because SURE THIS SHOW CAN JUST KEEP GOING.

Strowman and the kid get in the ring where the kid is introduced as Nicholas (the son of referee John Cone). Cole: “This is really happening.” He’s never been more right. Oh and the search for a partner and introduction took about four and a half minutes, again because this show can just keep going. Strowman takes Sheamus into the corner with no problem to start before beating up Cesaro as well.

Nicholas is terrified (as he should be) as Cesaro dropkicks Strowman in the knee. A double suplex lets Sheamus drop a top rope knee, setting up an assisted swanton from Sheamus’ shoulders. Strowman comes back with a double crossbody and backdrops Sheamus over the top, bouncing him off the post in the process. To cap it off, Strowman tags Nicholas in. The kid is terrified and tags Strowman back in for the powerslam to Cesaro for the pin and the titles at 3:58.

Rating: F. I….what do you want from me here? This was an idea that completely failed because WWE had no idea what to do here and this is all they could do. Put Heath Slater or someone in there, or have Strowman do a rendition of Me And My Shadow and have him win it by himself. It was a joke that was literally forgotten the next night and stretched the show out even more because they couldn’t just cut this and put Strowman ANYWHERE else. I’m sure Matt Hardy had to win the battle royal right?

Wrestlemania 35 is in New York/Jersey. You don’t hear New Jersey mentioned here, but I guess it’s just implied.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns for the Universal Title. It’s the latest attempt to make Reigns feel like the mega star because the first few times didn’t take. Therefore he won the Elimination Chamber (beating Strowman after Strowman eliminated everyone else), THIS TIME FOR SURE! Lesnar has been champion for a year and barely ever defends the title, because that was so successful the first few times. Their fights over the last few weeks get the music video treatment.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is challenging and WOW the fans are not happy to see him. To make it a little better, Brock drives him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs, followed by the German suplexes. Reigns pops up with a Superman Punch to send Brock to the floor as they’re starting fast again. Back in and a clothesline knocks Lesnar over the top and out to the floor as the fans chant things to amuse themselves.

Lesnar catches him with a belly to belly on the floor and another one drops Reigns on his head. There’s the required CM PUNK chant and a third belly to belly sends Reigns face first into the announcers’ table because Brock didn’t realize how much room he had. Back in and Lesnar throws another German suplex, declaring it SUPLEX CITY B****. More suplexes ensue because that’s what Lesnar does in a big time match. Brock gets tired of that and loads up the announcers’ table but Reigns posts him for a much needed breather.

A spear puts Lesnar onto (not through) another table as the fans boo the heck out of this. Or maybe they’re mad about losing a beach ball. The Superman Punch into a pair of spears gets two and now the fans are definitely happy with a beach ball. Brock blocks a spear with a knee to the face that brings Graves out of his chair.

The first F5 gets two and virtually no reaction from the crowd. Another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. To switch it up, another F5 gets another two and Lesnar seems to be getting angrier. The fans declare it boring so Lesnar takes him outside for the fourth F5 through the announcers’ table. Lesnar takes it back inside and stands there as the fans do something else in the crowd that goes from cheering to booing during the same closeup.

The fifth F5 gets two so Lesnar takes the gloves off at Heyman’s orders. The fans call it awful as Lesnar hammers away to bust Reigns open. It’s quite the gusher but Reigns slips out of the F5 and hits a pair of spears for two. Another spear is countered into the sixth F5 to retain the title at 15:51.

Rating: D+. Well of course he does. The problem here is that there is good action in the match but it’s too much of the same stuff and the fans having none of it that took away its value. Couple that with knowing that we’re just waiting on even more Reigns title shots and promos about needing to be champion and there was no way this was going to work. The fans (including myself) were done with this WAY before the match started and that’s all there was to it.

Reigns gets cleaned up and we get the long video package. Back in the stadium, Reigns leaves and the show ends. I stood around for a long time while this was going on because the video doesn’t play in the stadium and it wasn’t clear if the show was over or not.

Overall Rating: C-. I know I (and a lot of other people) say it over and over but it’s just too long. There is a limit to how long you can sit watching wrestling in person or at home and Wrestlemania has blown past that for years now. At some point you just stop caring and there’s very little that can be done to fix such a problem. They need to do something because this isn’t going to work no matter what they do. Cut out a lot of stuff and it’s a great show, but the whole package didn’t work.

There’s a lot of good stuff in here, such as the opener, AJ vs. Nakamura, Charlotte vs. Asuka, the mixed tag and a few other moments here and there. The problem is there’s so much other stuff that either doesn’t work (the main event, the Raw Women’s Title match and the Raw Tag Team Titles are great places to start) that it really doesn’t work. Get rid of some of that and the show is that much better.

Overall, it comes down to the problem of WWE not listening to the fans. They can throw out as much good content as they want, but if you do it to annoy the fans (the US Title match) or to stretch things out even further past its expiration point (the Universal Title), it’s going to come back to mess things up. There is so much on here that fans don’t want to see and WWE just won’t fix it.

That doesn’t help the length either. If you have a show where the final match is something the fans do not want to see, you’re going to have them sitting there, already annoyed at other things in the show, for hours waiting to see something that only WWE seems interested in. How is that supposed to be appealing for over seven hours? Cut it down, give us something else to cheer for, and remember that Wrestlemania is supposed to be about the best of the best, not everyone on the roster.

Ratings Comparison

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Mustafa Ali vs. Cedric Alexander

Original: B-

Redo: B

Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D+

Redo: F+

Seth Rollins vs. The Miz vs. Finn Balor

Original: B

Redo: B-

Charlotte vs. Asuka

Original: A-

Redo: A

Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev vs. Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode

Original: D

Redo: D+

Stephanie McMahon/HHH vs. Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey

Original: A-

Redo: A

New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

Redo: B+

Braun Strowman/Nicholas vs. The Bar

Original: F

Redo: F

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C-

This is an interesting one as most of the matches are within the same ballpark but I liked the show a lot better the first time around. Maybe the good was more fun just after the show, but this really didn’t do it for me nearly as well on another viewing. It’s watchable, but definitely not a very good show.

Here’s the original if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/04/14/wrestlemania-xxxiv-the-same-old-story/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXIV
Date: April 8, 2018
Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 78,133
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Jonathan Coachman, Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

So here we are. After all these months, we’ve finally arrived at Wrestlemania and as JR has put it, it don’t get no bigger than this. The main event is Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar (THIS TIME FOR SURE!), along with Ronda Rousey making her long awaited in-ring debut. It’s hard to say what to expect, other than a very long show with a lot of stuff crammed in. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for this show. My seat was in the lower arena in the corner, opposite the hard camera. I was looking almost directly at the upper right hand ring post.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Apollo, Shelton Benjamin, Konnor, Mike Kanellis, Primo Colon, R-Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Matt Hardy, Baron Corbin Scott Dawson, Fandango, Mojo Rawley, Chad Gable, Luke Gallows, Dash Wilder, Aiden English, Heath Slater, Viktor, Curtis Axel, Tyler Breeze, Bo Dallas, Rhyno, Titus O’Neil, Kane, Tye Dillinger, Goldust, Curt Hawkins, Sin Cara, Zack Ryder, Karl Anderson

Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are in on commentary for this, along with Saxton. I was coming into the stadium as the wrestlers came down the ramp so my timing couldn’t have been much better. As usual, it’s almost impossible to tell what’s going on to start until Aiden English is eliminated. Anderson gets rid of Viktor and it’s already time for Ziggler to do his last second saves.

There goes Hawkins (who I still can’t wait to see actually win something) R-Truth and Goldust reunite for all of eight seconds before Goldust tosses him. With an incorrect countdown to Wrestlemania clock on the screen, Primo is eliminated as well. Mike Kanellis is out (I forgot he worked here too) as Byron tries to explain the Woken Universe to JR. With Jim not exactly sounding interested, Apollo knees Breeze out.

Viktor is out next and the ring is starting to clear a bit, at least to the point where you can at least see the mat. Matt does his rapid fire rams into the buckles to rock Goldust, drawing another DELETE chant. Ryder loads up the Broski Boot on Ziggler but Mojo Rawley runs him over for another elimination to make the fans hate him even more. Gable eliminates Anderson and Titus gets rid of Gallows and we take a break.

Back (After they showed the commercial in the stadium. You know, the place WHERE WE’RE WATCHING WHAT THEY’RE ADVERTISING!) with Revival getting rid of Apollo. Wilder is sent to the apron but a Dawson save allows them to eliminate Benjamin instead. The Revival is sent out at the same time, followed by Kane getting rid of the Miztourage. We cut to the crowd where John Cena is watching as a fan (because of course he is) and come back to see Cara being tossed as well.

Kane uppercuts Fandango out and Slater makes the mistake of going to the apron, allowing Corbin to get rid of him as well. Gable joins him on the floor, leaving us with Corbin, Goldust, Rawley, Ziggler, Fandango, Kane, O’Neil and Dillinger. That means a Kane vs. Corbin showdown but everyone else interferes before anything happens. Titus starts cleaning house and throws Ziggler over his shoulders, only to get superkicked and clotheslined out. Goldust snaps off the powerslam to Ziggler and it’s Shattered Dreams to Tye.

Ziggler is ready for him though and dumps Goldust but gets punched down by Hardy. That gives us the TEN vs. DELETE showdown, which I didn’t know I needed to see. A Twist of Fate is enough to get rid of Dillinger, followed by Ziggler superkicking Kane’s hands. Kane dumps him without much effort but Corbin dumps his fellow giant to get us down to Mojo, Corbin and Hardy. A fireman’s carry faceplant drops Hardy and the double teaming begins. Not that it matters as we’ve got Bray Wyatt to save Hardy, allowing him to eliminate Rawley. Wyatt takes End of Days but Matt gets rid of Corbin to win at 16:34 as Wyatt wasn’t entered.

Rating: D-. Yeah this was terrible, running WAY too long and making me wonder when it was going to be over. So many of these people just don’t need to be on Wrestlemania (Hawkins, Ascension, R-Truth, Primo, Kanellis, Rawley to name a few) and they’re just extending the show by being in this. Matt winning makes the most sense as it’s not like many other people in the match are doing anything at the moment.

Matt and Bray pose post match as Bray is officially good. Now just don’t get injured and lose your spot again.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

The title is vacant coming in, Drake Maverick is at ringside and Ali is SubZero for some reason. Cedric shouts a lot and they shake hands for the sake of good sportsmanship. An exchange of shoulders goes to Cedric so Ali snaps off a hurricanrana for our first standoff. Back up and Cedric flips away to grab a headscissors, followed by a dropkick for two. Ali gets sent to the floor and taken down by a big flip dive but there’s no commercial, despite the announcers sounding like they were sending us to one. Nice change of pace for once.

Back in and we hit a waistlock to keep Ali down and a high backdrop gives Cedric two. Another waistlock and a knee to the ribs keep Cedric on target as he certainly has a game plan. Cedric plants him with a Spanish Fly and counters a tornado DDT by crotching Ali on top. With Ali stunned, Cedric goes up as well but gets caught in a super Spanish Fly, which even impresses Cena. The 054 is broken up with a shove to the floor and now we go to the inset ad for Rousey’s debut. At least they didn’t show this in the stadium, which would have almost been just as annoying as showing the whole thing.

Back with Cedric getting caught in a reverse hurricanrana and now the tornado DDT connects. The 054 hits this time but Cedric gets his foot on the ropes. Another 054 attempt misses and Alexander elbows him in the head. Ali gets elbowed down again and the Lumbar Check gives him the title at 12:18.

Rating: B-. This was a lot less competitive than I remember it being as Alexander dominated from the beginning and ran over Ali save for a little flurry near the end. Alexander winning is the right call and I’m glad neither of them went heel here. They both looked good but Ali was a step behind what he usually does here. I had a good time with it and Cedric winning is a feel good moment. That’s all you could ask for here.

Kickoff Show: Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Naomi, Carmella, Mandy Rose, Peyton Royce, Liv Morgan, Kavita Devi, Sarah Logan, Dakota Kai, Sasha Banks, Mickie James, Bianca Belair, Becky Lynch, Kairi Sane, Taynara Conti, Sonya Deville, Lana, Bayley, Ruby Riott, Natalya, Dana Brooke

Paige and Beth Phoenix are on commentary. Royce, Devi, Kai, Belair, Sane and Conti are from NXT. Lynch, Bayley and Banks are the only ones to get entrances. Carmella poses with the briefcase at the bell and gets gang attacked, meaning it’s an early elimination. It’s Dana being circled (Dana: “THAT’S NOT NICE!”) and gang attacked for the elimination.

Everything breaks down and the NXT women stand tall, meaning it’s time for the required NXT chant. Becky yells at Devi for stealing the orange look and gets slammed for her complaints. Mandy gets tossed and Paige is panicking. Deville is slammed down and Belair is allowed to hit a 450 as we take a break.

Back with Sane being tossed after hitting the Insane Elbow on Riott during the commercial. Devi is tossed and Conti is knocked out a few seconds later. Belair whips Becky with the hair but gets kicked out in short order. Kai kicks Naomi in the face to put her under the ropes and out to the floor. Banks gets rid of Kai and Riott punches Mickie out. Now it’s Royce firing off some kicks but the Riott Squad superkick her out to a chorus of boos.

We’re down to the Squad, Natalya, Banks, Bayley and Naomi on the floor. Natalya suplexes Riott and Logan down but Bayley saves Sasha from the same. Bayley and Sasha get rid of Natalya, Morgan, Riott and Logan in short order. They stare each other down and Bayley gets the quick elimination. Cue Naomi though and the Rear View is good for the win at 9:49.

Rating: D+. I liked it better than the men’s version (that’s not exactly a high bar to clear) but egads what is the point in giving this to Naomi? She’s been doing a grand total of nothing in recent weeks (months really) and there was a story between Banks and Bayley. This feels like giving Orton the Royal Rumble last year in that someone has to win it, even if

And now, the main show.

Khloe and Halle sing America the Beautiful. They’re billed as “the future of music” but I’m not convinced. If that’s the case, I’d expect an original song.

The opening video is about having a good time, just like it was four years ago. The camera walks through the streets of New Orleans and goes into a cafe/club before someone goes onto a balcony to throw beads down to a crowd below. The regular highlight package, set to Kid Rock’s Celebrate and mixed with Wrestlemania XXX highlights (good choice really), takes us into the stadium and my goodness the set looks amazing. It’s designed to look like a Mardi Gras mask, though the bottom looks like a huge mustache over the entrance. Also, several of the wrestlers’ eyes will appear in the mask for a very cool touch.

Intercontinental Title: Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz

Miz is defending after both challengers beat him in one night, which is totally the same thing or something. Rollins has blue contacts in, I guess making him the ice to the fire that burns it down? Still though, looks pretty cool. In another cool addition, there are some personalized 3D projections for some wrestlers, including Miz’s name with quotes around him saying how great and awesome Miz is. These could only be seen on the monitors so I didn’t notice them until the second match.

Miz, looking even goofier than usual with what looks like a red version of Drew Gulak’s old gear, sends the Miztourage to the back so he can do this on his own. Balor has a rainbow shirt on with a group of fans in identical shirts cheering him on from the stage. The screens say “for everyone” with FOR EVER capitalized.

Balor sends Miz into Rollins to start and some rollups get two for all three of them. With Miz being sent outside, Rollins superkicks Balor in the ribs, only to get sent outside. That means a big flip dive onto the two of them as Balor gets the first real advantage. Everyone heads back inside with Rollins hitting a double Blockbuster for two on Balor. Miz takes Rollins down and grabs a chinlock for a few seconds to slow things down. A neckbreaker gets two on Balor and it’s back to the chinlock.

Balor fights up and stomps on Miz’s ribs but gets caught with a Sling Blade from Rollins. Seth isn’t done and hits a suicide dive on both guys, only to get caught in a Sling Blade from Balor. Miz’s short DDT gets two on Seth and he boots Rollins in the face to break up a springboard. A dragon screw legwhip sets up the Figure Four on Balor but here’s Rollins with a frog splash for the break. That looked much better on screen as you didn’t see Rollins until he was on the top and ready to jump.

They all head outside again with Balor escaping the shoulder breaking barricade bomb. Instead it’s a Sling Blade to put Rollins down but he’s back up with an enziguri to rock Balor. That earns him a Pele and the 1916 for two as Balor is stunned. Miz catches Balor on top but gets caught in a buckle bomb, leaving Balor to take the superplex into a Falcon Arrow but Balor reverses into a small package for two. A Skull Crushing Finale gets two on Rollins to cap off a rocking sequence.

Another Finale is reversed into a rollup for two but Balor gets crotched on top. Rollins goes up top with him but Miz is right there with a super Skull Crushing Finale (looked better than it sounds). The cover is broken up with a Coup de Grace and a second hits Miz clean. Rollins runs over with a Stomp to drive Balor’s head into Miz’s back, followed by the regular version to pin Miz for the title at 15:30.

Rating: B. This was the kind of match you expect from the Intercontinental Title as all three were working hard and the match felt very crisp at the same time. Miz will get the title back someday and break both records, as he should. I’m sure Balor will get the title as well, which is nothing but good for the Intercontinental Title. If nothing else it’s cool to see the former World Champions becoming Intercontinental Champions. That wasn’t always the case (After Pedro Morales, the next former World Champion to win an Intercontinental Title was HHH in 2001) but it’s a good way to give the title some more instant credibility.

Ad for the Andre documentary. I’ve heard good things.

Cena is still a fan. How cool would it be to have him next to you at Wrestlemania?

We recap Charlotte vs. Asuka, which is title vs. streak. Charlotte has dominated the Women’s Division for nearly three years now but Asuka hasn’t a match since debuting in late 2015. The match here is Queen vs. Empress with Charlotte saying she’s ready for Asuka.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Asuka

Charlotte is defending and copies HHH’s entrance from Wrestlemania XXX with a throne and three masked men helping her off. These three: Riddick Moss, Tino Sabbatelli and Dan Matha. I’m assuming this was something about she once helped HHH off the throne but now she has her own, but it felt like a tribute to HHH more than anything else. Asuka on the other hand has 3D masks superimposed over her entrance. You know, in case it wasn’t scary enough already.

They fight over a wristlock to start with both of them flipping away, leaving Charlotte to hit the strut. Charlotte trips her down and goes for the leg but Asuka kicks her away, setting up a knee shot for two. Back up and Asuka’s hip attack is blocked so it’s time for the chops. The second hip attack sends Charlotte outside and you can see the cockiness on Asuka’s face.

Charlotte gets back in and it’s time to start cranking on the arm to set up the Asuka Lock. It’s way too early for that though so Charlotte strikes her in the face a few times but has to break another attempt. This time it’s a backpack Stunner to get Charlotte out of trouble and some knees to the head (think the Stomp but with a knee) put Asuka down again. The moonsault misses though as Asuka catches her in a triangle (SWEET!) in the middle of the ring.

That’s reverses into a Boston crab but Asuka rolls her way out of it. They head to the apron (becoming way too common) and Asuka suplexes her down to the floor in a big crash. Back in and the missile dropkick puts Charlotte down for two and Asuka is getting frustrated. They go up top and it’s a super Spanish Fly (I believe that’s three on the night so far) to give Charlotte a big breather.

Natural Selection is countered into something like an Octopus Hold on the mat before switching to the Asuka Lock. Charlotte reverses that with a rollup before cutting Asuka in half with a spear for a VERY near fall. With Asuka half done, Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight, balancing on one hand because of the banged up arm. After hanging on as long as she can, Asuka ACTUALLY TAPS to retain Charlotte’s title at 13:05.

Rating: A-. I was kind of stunned at the amount of time this had as I would have bet on it being at least five minutes longer. This felt like a clash of titans and Charlotte winning gives her a very strong case for being the best of all time. Aside from not being around as long as some others, she has the resume, skill and pure skill to make her the best WWE has ever seen.

Having Asuka do a lot of her usual stuff (albeit cranked up a few notches) was a great way to set up the match as Charlotte was able to hang on and use what she had seen along with her natural athleticism to be ready for what Asuka brought. It was hard hitting, told a story and was an instant classic. Great stuff here, which shouldn’t be that surprising.

Post match Asuka says Charlotte was ready for Asuka and congratulates her.

With Charlotte on the ramp and Asuka in the ring, a referee tells Cena something (the words “Taker is here” may have been spoken) so Cena jumps the barricade (security around here sucks) and sprints up the ramp. That took something away from the women’s moment. Do the commercial and then move on to the Cena angle. It’s not going to make that much of a difference and lets the women have their full moment.

US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Rusev vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending after having a three way feud with Roode and Mahal for the last few weeks. Rusev pinned Orton in a tag match to be added, along with being one of the hottest guys in the company. Aiden English (who has gotten his hair cut since the battle royal) introduces Rusev, in rhyme of course. You can see the fans heading for the concourse during the entrances, which is rather interesting given how popular Rusev was over the weekend. Aside from a Wrestlemania shirt, I saw more Rusev Day shirts than anything else. I guess the repelling powers of Mahal and Orton are too much even for Rusev Day.

The early threat of an RKO sends Mahal bailing to the floor and Rusev dropkicks Roode to the floor. Rusev cannonballs off the apron to take out Orton and Mahal as Phillips acknowledges the popularity of Rusev Day. Back in and Roode’s Blockbuster gets two, leaving Mahal to get punched back and forth between Roode and Orton. A superplex brings Roode down but it’s Mahal asking Rusev for an alliance.

Rusev, realizing that he should have been Mahal last year, stomps Mahal down in the corner instead before getting two off a belly to back suplex. Roode is back with a spinebuster for two on Mahal but gets posted by Orton. Now it’s Rusev kicking Orton down until a spinwheel kick misses. The hanging DDT plants Rusev and English is starting to panic. A pair of RKO’s take out English and Rusev, followed by one to Mahal for a near fall with Roode making the save. Mahal takes a Machka Kick but can’t get the Accolade. Instead he has to deal with Sunil Singh and walks into the Khallas to make Mahal champion at 8:15.

Rating: D. And that is the big middle finger to the fans who thought they were getting somewhere with the Rusev Day chants. WWE wants Jinder Mahal to be pushed in this role and the lack of success and complete apathy to his push means nothing. This is what WWE wants and you can chant RUSEV DAY and buy his merchandise all you want. Mahal is WWE’s guy right now and you can just deal with it until they’re tired of him. Rusev taking the fall here is all the evidence you need: your voices don’t matter here and get over it. The match was as uninteresting as these four were going to be, which was completely expected.

The Fashion Police try to give Mick Foley a ticket but Breeze likes his style, driving Fandango to his knees in terror.

We recap Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon. Rousey signed with WWE earlier in the year but Angle thinks HHH and Stephanie are just trying to use her. This set off a feud between the two teams with Rousey beating HHH much, only to have Stephanie put her through a table. The match was set up because Rousey needs a debut and putting her in a tag match is the best possible idea. It lets them hide her negatives and accentuate her positives so this has some potential. Of course there’s also the potential that it’s really just about Stephanie, which certainly wouldn’t be outside the realm of possibility.

Stephanie McMahon/HHH vs. Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle

In a near repeat of last year, HHH and Stephanie come out on matching motorcycles with a group of motorcycles accompanying them. I don’t know if HHH is just that big a fan of motorcycles or if he just wanted to see his wife as a biker chick again (fair enough) but this didn’t do much for me. Rousey comes out in a Roddy Piper style kilt, in what shouldn’t be a shock to anyone paying attention whatsoever. The fans give Rousey a nice reaction and Stephanie pie faces her before the bell. They’re already milking the heck out of Rousey murdering her and a hair pull makes things even worse.

The men start things off with the fans telling Angle that he still has it. Angle cranks on the arm as they’re actually treating this like a tag match to start. Stephanie offers a low bridge though and HHH sends him into the steps to really take over. A suplex brings Angle back inside and we’re just waiting on this to explode. Back in and HHH calls for and delivers a spinebuster for two. Angle kicks him away and nearly into Stephanie but HHH puts the brakes on in time. A suplex drops HHH, only to have Stephanie pull Rousey off the apron. I’ll give Stephanie this: she knows how to be an amazing heel.

Another kick to the floor is enough for the tag to Rousey and the place goes coconuts. Rousey EXPLODES into the corner (Graves: “CALL THE COPS!”) to pull Stephanie in and scores with a running clothesline. With Stephanie in big trouble (Rouse: “COME ON B****!”), Rousey takes her into the corner and unloads with rights and lefts before throwing Stephanie again. It’s already time for the arm….and Stephanie blocks it by stacking her up.

You can hear the air go out of the stadium, mainly because STEPHANIE MCMAHON JUST BLOCKED THE ARMBAR THAT MMA FIGHTERS (not to mention Olympic level athletes) COULDN’T BLOCK! I mean, is anyone really surprised? It’s the dumbest, most Stephanie praising thing that could have been done so of course they went there. Rousey lets go and gets DDT’d as the announcers try to explain that Stephanie grew up in wrestling so she knows how to do that. Ignore that she’s wrestled one match in over fourteen years; she knows wrestling.

Back up and Rousey goes into Beast Mode, setting up a spinning Samoan drop for two with HHH pulling the referee out. Rousey: “You’re the biggest cheater I’ve ever seen! I’m going to go continue beating up your wife ok?” HHH pulls Rousey outside as well but Angle takes him onto the announcers’ table. Kurt gets thrown onto the other table so HHH can check on Stephanie. He turns around to see Rousey though and it’s time for some intergender violence.

You can see HHH thinking about it and the fans are WAY into this one. He finally agrees to it and Rousey UNLOADS on him with rights and lefts to drive HHH into the corner. A fireman’s carry has HHH in trouble but Stephanie makes the save. This was GREAT with HHH selling the heck out of the beating and making Rousey look that much better. Stephanie slaps Rousey for some reason and the chase is on, this time with Stephanie sending him into the barricade.

HHH takes Rousey down though and it’s time for Angle to unleash the suplexes. The rolling German suplexes have HHH in trouble but he tries a quick Pedigree. That’s reversed into a catapult into the corner (he always takes that so well) and the Angle Slam gets two. There go the straps (that never gets old) but Stephanie breaks up the ankle lock. Angle doesn’t seem to mind and puts the ankle lock on her (doesn’t look great this time around). That’s broken up with a Pedigree but Rousey makes a save.

A powerbomb attempt to Rousey is countered into a hurricanrana (good one too) and there’s the armbar on HHH. The place (including me) goes even more nuts until Stephanie makes the save with a sleeper (called a rear naked choke, which of course Stephanie knows how to do). That’s reversed into another armbar attempt but Stephanie blocks AGAIN.

The ankle lock goes on HHH and the villains grab hands until HHH sends Angle into the women for the break. Angle and Rousey both get posted and it’s time for the double Pedigree. Kurt sends HHH to the floor and the armbar….is blocked for a third time. Rousey FINALLY gets it on and Stephanie taps at 20:38. Dana White is shown applauding Rousey from the front row.

Rating: A-. I can’t give it anything higher than that due to Stephanie going toe to toe with Rousey (at grappling nonetheless) but this was INCREDIBLY fun and far better than anything I was expecting. They pulled every trick they could to make Rousey look better here and it worked to near perfection. She looked like someone who had been doing this for years and came off like a star who is in this for the long haul. Absolutely incredible here and as entertaining as it could have been. I had a blast, Stephanie issues aside. The ending was fine and the most important part, so we’ll call this a major success.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers vs. Usos

The Usos are defending, the New Day has 3D pancakes and, with the call of the DragonZord, Woods’ trombone summons an army of little people dressed like pancakes. I do like the Bludgeon Brothers’ logo with the arms holding hammers to make a B. Kofi wastes no time hitting Trouble in Paradise on Jimmy but Harper makes the save. The Brothers pulls Big E. to the floor for a beating and then powerbomb Woods into the post for good measure.

Back in and Kofi’s beating continues but Jimmy tags himself in and starts kicking away. Some superkicks do a little good but Harper shoves Jimmy into the corner. Jey tags himself in as well (must be a family thing) and starts kicking away, only to have Rowan break up the double Us.

A superkick takes Rowan off the apron…but he catches the double suicide dive. The Usos don’t mind and suplex him down on the floor, leaving Harper to escape the Midnight Hour. Back in and Rowan breaks up the Tower of Doom by shoving the champs to the floor. For some reason Kofi charges at Harper on the top, setting up an assisted super sitout powerbomb to give Harper and Rowan the titles at 5:55.

Rating: D+. This feels like a victim of time but it’s not the worst thing in the world. They went out of their way to make the Brothers look like killers and that’s exactly what happened here. I could have gone for a little more time given to the match, but something has to be cut on a show this long and this was one of the most logical choices. The Brothers won though and that’s what matters the most.

Here’s John Cena for a match, though no opponent has been named yet. A second referee runs down though and tells Cena something is wrong. Cena grabs the referee as he’s shaking his head no. This goes on for a bit….and there go the lights….because Elias is here. Elias: “Were you expecting somebody else?”

Well that someone doesn’t have the charisma Elias has, nor does he have the talent that Elias carries in his soul. Cena bails back to his seat in disgust and leaves Elias alone to sing his song, insulting the fans as he always does. As you might guess, Cena gets up and cleans house by initiating his finishing sequence.

Cena shouts about that being all there is and goes up the ramp…as the lights go out. A spotlight comes on in the ring and Undertaker’s coat and hat are on the mat. Some VERY bad looking CGI lightning hits the gear (looked far better in person, possibly due to the surprise) and panic has set in. And then, a gong strikes. Undertaker appears with his full entrance, meaning it’s time to go! I know I didn’t want to see the match but that entrance, all 6:02 of it from the gong striking to the opening bell, will never stop being mesmerizing.

Undertaker vs. John Cena

Undertaker goes straight at him in the corner and hammers away, including the running clothesline. Old School sets up Snake Eyes and the WORST BIG BOOT EVER. When you’re sitting hundreds of feet away from the ring and can see the gap between the boot and the hands in front of Cena’s face, it’s a really bad sign. But remember, HE STILL HAS IT. The chokeslam is countered into a belly to back suplex but Undertaker sits up before the Shuffle, sending Cena falling off his feet in shock. The chokeslam and Tombstone end Cena completely clean at 2:42. Undertaker doesn’t even seem to be sweating.

So….that happened. I definitely like it better than seeing Undertaker stumble through a long match and it certainly should be memorable. Of course it’s not likely to mean anything until next Wrestlemania season, but this is the perfect payoff: Cena has been acting like a complete and utter jerk this whole time and Undertaker threw him the most decisive beating of his career. Even the Lesnar squash saw Cena get in a little offense and a near fall. Here it was a single suplex and that was it. I’m fine with Undertaker going out like this, but at this point I have no reason to believe it’s over.

Hall of Fame video. Hillbilly Jim should be done any minute now.

Here’s the big presentation to the crowd.

Jeff Jarrett. Nice reaction and the strut still looks good.

Mark Henry. No salmon jacket, no buys.

Hillbilly Jim. My hero as a young Kentucky boy.

Ivory. She’s looking better now than she did when she was active.

Jarius JJ Robertson. Did you know he’s cute? Wasn’t sure if that was made clear.

Dudley Boyz. Yep. Next.

Goldberg. I’m hoping those chants aren’t piped in. He does a Green Lantern pose with the ring to wrap things up.

We recap Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn. Owens and Zayn have been going after the two of them for months now and it wasn’t clear where things were going. Then Bryan was cleared to wrestle again and everything came together at once. The evil Canadians have been attacking both of them, including giving Shane a hernia. They’ve been fired, but Bryan wants one more match with their jobs on the line. The question here is whether or not Shane turns on Bryan, which could go either way.

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Shane is in a YES jersey, with the YES being pretty clearly taped on. That sounds like a way for a quick switch to YUP (Owens and Sami’s battle cry) for me. Bryan gets his own entrance, with a Terminator style video, showing the YES chant spreading around the world, even in mainstream sports, before locking in on the home of the YES Movement, which happens to be right here in the Superdome. You can see the emotion on Bryan’s face as he comes to the ring and it’s nearly moving to see.

Owens and Zayn’s music hit but they come in from behind for the big beatdown, including an apron bomb to Bryan. That might be enough for him as the medics come in to check. Even the fans don’t seem to buy this one, as they probably shouldn’t. Shane is willing to fight on his own and YES, we get the lame punches on Owens in the corner. The jumping elbow to the jaw puts Owens down but Shane has to beat up Zayn as well.

Now of course he can do that at the same time, including a jumping kick to Owens and a Maivia Hurricane to Sami. The old hernia pops up though and brings Shane down as we have a stretcher for Bryan. We settle down to Sami taking over on Shane before it’s off to Owens (thankfully in a KO Mania III shirt) to step on the stomach. Owens: “MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY! MONEY ISN’T GOING TO SAVE YOU NOW!”

A superkick sets up the Blue Thunder Bomb for two but Owens gets knocked to the floor. The Helluva Kick misses and Sami gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Of course Shane is fine enough to hit the Coast to Coast but Owens makes the save with a backsplash onto the bad stomach. The frog splash gets two but Bryan comes back in for the save. That’s not enough for a hot tag so Sami gets out of a chinlock by slamming Sami into the mat.

NOW it’s off to Bryan for the first time in nearly three years. He takes his time coming in (as he should) before hammering away on Zayn. There’s the moonsault into the running clothesline, followed by a running knee off the apron to Owens. A missile dropkick puts Bryan down but he grabs his head….and nips up because he’s fine. That was a scary but great moment. The running corner dropkicks rock Owens and Zayn and a top rope hurricanrana drops Sami. Kevin breaks up the knee though and the Helluva Kick is only good for two. My goodness finishers mean nothing on Wrestlemania night.

Owens tells him to stay retired and gets two more off the Pop Up Powerbomb. Since we haven’t seen him in long enough, Shane takes Owens down and we’re back to even again. Back in and Sami hammers away while asking how Bryan could do this to them. That’s enough for Bryan and he unloads with the strikes and YES Kicks, even hitting the big one. The running knee into the YES Lock is good for the submission at 15:25 to keep Owens and Zayn fired.

Rating: C+. This was of course ALL about Bryan, to the point where even Shane’s usual superhero efforts seem to pale in comparison. They didn’t go with the stupid swerve finish for the sake of the storyline because this needed to be Bryan’s night. To go from having no chance to wrestling in a huge Wrestlemania match is more than you could ever ask for and he doesn’t look like he’s lost a step. If he’s back full time, WWE just got one heck of a bonus. Not a great match, but the ending was what it should have been.

Bryan and Shane celebrate with Bryan going to the floor to kiss Brie in a nice moment.

Attendance announcement.

We recap Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax. Bliss had been her friend for a long time but was eventually caught making fun of Nia’s size and weight. This didn’t sit well with Jax and it was time to SMASH. And take the title. Bliss is suddenly ultra confident despite being a foot shorter and about 160lbs lighter.

Raw Women’s Title: Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss

Bliss is challenging and comes down from the set on a mini platform. So that’s what happened to Bad News Barrett’s stage. Hang on a second though as Nia needs to destroy Mickie James before the bell, meaning this is truly one on one. Bliss slaps Nia due to high levels of stupid and Jax’s growl gives us a horror movie level scream in response. Makes sense actually.

There’s a gorilla press to plant Bliss as the dominance isn’t taking time tonight. That’s not the beginning of the end for some reason as Bliss starts in on the knee to take over, including a double knee to the knee in the corner. A guillotine choke is shrugged off but Nia goes shoulder first into the post (WAY too common of a spot tonight). Twisted Bliss to the floor drops Nia and the DDT gets two, shocking/scaring the heck out of Bliss all over again.

For some reason Bliss calls Nia pathetic and slaps her a few times….until Nia grabs her by the throat. A charge into the corner is cut off by another kick to the knee but Bliss’ sunset flip is tossed into the corner. Bliss is right back with a poke to the eye but Nia is right back with one of the hardest Alabama Slams you’ll ever see. Since Bliss is mostly dead, it’s a super Samoan drop to put her away for good and make Nia champion at 9:01.

Rating: D+. I was firmly in the camp of this needing to be about a minute long with Bliss getting in nothing beyond a few harmless forearms and I’m still of that state of mind. Bliss didn’t look like a joke here but there’s a time to squash the heck out of someone and that’s what we had here. Jax is a monster and should have destroyed Bliss in short order. Bliss is going to be fine with one more of those cocky promos and it really would have been better to have her get crushed here. The ending did look great though and the right person won, but it’s the wrong path to get here.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. AJ Styles is the ace of the show and has beaten everyone put in front of him. Shinsuke Nakamura won the Royal Rumble to earn this shot and we have a dream match. Both guys have promised to win and hopefully they don’t collapse under the expectations. The hype video goes throughout AJ’s career, including clips of him on Thunder and from TNA (!) because WWE can just do something like that.

Smackdown World Title: Shinsuke Nakamura vs. AJ Styles

Nakamura is challenging and gets played to the ring by an army of violinists plus Alice Cooper guitarist Nita Strauss playing the heck out of a guitar. That’s one of the better Wrestlemania entrances I’ve ever seen with Strauss’ playing stealing the show. AJ’s graphic lists him as the Universal Champion. If nothing else he gets a cool looking spinning ring of blue light around him once he gets inside for a cool visual.

Feeling out process to start as the announcers talk about the Japanese match without talking about the Japanese match. AJ drives him into the corner but gets shoved away as they’re still in low first gear. They hit the mat with Nakamura kicking him in the face before doing his head on the chest arm waving deal. A knee drop keeps AJ in trouble but he breaks up Good Vibrations to offer some mind games of his own.

Back to the corner we go with a hard forearm rocking Styles but he grabs a backbreaker for his first major offense. A knee drop gets two on Nakamura and it’s off to the chinlock. The drop down into a dropkick sends Nakamura outside but he kicks the leg out from the apron. A kick to the head really puts Styles in trouble and a middle rope kick to the face makes it even worse. Nakamura tells him to come on but kicks AJ down. Well dude if you want him to COME ON you have to give him the chance to pull it off.

The running knee in the corner rocks AJ but he’s right back with a pumphandle gutbuster for two. It’s Nakamura’s turn to come back in a hurry though and a Landslide (Samoan Driver) gets another near fall. Some right hands in the corner have AJ rocked but he kicks the knee out to take Nakamura down. There’s the Calf Crusher but Nakamura reverses into a triangle choke (another very popular move this weekend).

That’s broken up with something close to a Death Valley Driver and they’re both down again. Nakamura gets in the kick, only to come up holding the damaged leg. There’s some logic to Styles’ plan at least. The running knee hits the buckle and the Phenomenal Forearm gets two.

AJ needs to bring out the mega guns and tries the springboard 450, which hits the bad knee and gives Nakamura two off a small package. They slug it out until AJ Peles him down, only to get kneed in the back of the head. Nakamura has had it and drives knees into the head before slapping AJ a few times. The Kinshasa is loaded up but AJ rolls through, straight into the Styles Clash to retain at 20:20.

Rating: B. Yeah they didn’t really come close to the expectations here and I can’t say I’m surprised. They didn’t have much going on in the way of telling a story other than both guys hitting their big moves and countering a few of the other’s. There’s no reason to hate either of them and that makes for a dull match if you don’t build to a big finish. It’s certainly good but it never hit that next level that people were expecting. Oh and both Royal Rumble winners lose in their title shots. What a great use of the pay per view.

Post match Nakamura presents AJ with the title….and hits him low (with some Ric Flair level force) to turn heel. Nakamura mocks the fallen champion and kicks him to the floor for Kinshasa. For some reason he flashes a Diamond Cutter sign as he goes up the ramp. Maybe he’s a DDP Yoga user?

Now this was good, but why not do this BEFORE NAKAMURA LOST CLEAN? Do it at the worthless Fastlane or on any show before this match. Give them something more personal to fight over, because what we got for a story here was lacking a bit. I don’t get why WWE thinks this has as much of an impact after a loss, because it really doesn’t work. If nothing else have Nakamura hit him low to steal the title after Kinshasa didn’t get the job done. Just something other than this.

Kickoff Show recap.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Braun Strowman/???

Strowman won the shot by winning a tag team battle royal on his own and his partner has been quite the topic of debate coming into this show. The Bar comes out on a Mardi Gras float to the tune of When the Saints Go Marching In before switching to their usual entrance. I was worried I was a bit too tired and imagined all the costumed people on the float but not so much apparently.

Strowman comes out and turns the float over off the stage but has no partner. He knows everyone wants to know who it is, but he wanted to wait until he got to New Orleans. That’s because his partner….is a member of the WWE Universe. Strowman looks around forever and finally sees someone in the crowd. He goes into the crowd (this is taking WAY too long) and finds….a ten year old boy. The boy, named Nicholas, is introduced as Strowman’s partner as Graves is losing his mind.

Nicholas is terrified (completely understandable) as Braun starts (good idea) with Sheamus. Graves isn’t sure about this as Nicholas probably has algebra tomorrow. Fans: “WE WANT NICHOLAS!” A chokeslam gets two on Cesaro but Braun gets double suplexes. With Sheamus talking trash to Nicholas, he drops a top rope knee for two. On Braun, not the kid.

Braun crossbodies both of them down and Sheamus gets backdropped over the corner for a NASTY fall, hitting both the post and the steps on the way down. That’s enough for the tag to Nicholas….who tags straight out again. The powerslam on Cesaro is good for the pin and the titles at 3:57.

Rating: F. I laughed when it happened but the more I think about this, the worse and worse it looks. If you want to do this over a comedy team or something then fine, but after everything Cesaro and Sheamus have done over the last few years, this is the best they can get? Having Brains Strowman come out there would have been a better move as this comes off as a stupid idea where they just refused to pick something and went with the first stupid idea that came to their heads. Put Hawkins out there if this is the best thing you can come up with. I didn’t like this idea as it makes it into a total joke, which shouldn’t be the case.

Wrestlemania XXXV is in New York. Well New Jersey but whatever. I’m good on that one.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns. Lesnar won the Universal Title at last year’s show and Reigns won the Elimination Chamber after doing nothing main event level for months. Reigns went on to call Lesnar out for not being here all the time and just doing what’s best for himself, which earned Reigns a series of beatings. But hey, this time for sure, right?

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns is challenging and nope, the plan didn’t work. As you might expect, the fans boo him out of the building all over again because THIS ISN’T WORKING. After the Big Match Intros, Lesnar hits three German suplexes in the first thirty seconds. Reigns is right back up with two Superman Punches and a running clothesline to put Lesnar on the floor. Brock grabs a belly to belly on the outside, followed by a second one with Reigns almost landing on his head.

The fans chant for CM Punk as Brock loads up the announcers’ table. Another belly to belly sends Reigns face first into the table (no elevation at all) and Brock hits another German suplex back inside. A seventh suplex (with a fan providing helpful signs) is almost completely flat as we’re just waiting on the beach balls now.

There’s another belly to belly, during which time the fans started doing the Wave. A fan in my section started shouting about how the fans should just leave if they’re that bored because they’re ruining it for the rest of the fans. He was promptly given a DELETE chant because wrestling fans are rather horrible people at times. It’s time for another table as the fans want Johnny Gargano.

Reigns posts him on the floor as the fans aren’t reacting in the slightest. A spear sends Lesnar over the table (still no reaction) as the Wave is in full swing. The fans loudly boo….because a beach ball is taken away. Reigns gets two off a Superman Punch and two spears and it’s beach ball time again. Brock blocks a spear with a knee for two, followed by the F5 for the same. The fans still aren’t interested, because this just isn’t anything they care about.

F5, two, F5, two (Brock: “MOTHERF*****!”), the fans chant BORING (actually acknowledging the match for a change, F5 through a table (to NO reaction), F5, two. That’s enough for Lesnar as he takes the gloves off and just unloads with the hard right hands as the fans declare this awful. Reigns is GUSHING blood but hits two spears for a near fall. Not that it matters as a sixth F5 retains the title at 15:49, shocking the heck out of the crowd.

Rating: D. Here’s the thing: the match itself is a hard hitting video game match and had some entertaining spots. If you watch it in a complete vacuum, it’s actually good. The problem is, at least in this case, you can’t just ignore everything else and watch the match on its own. This was a complete and utter rejection of everything going on and you can’t ignore it. I’m not sure how much more needs to be done to make it clear that Reigns isn’t working but this might be it. Either that or we try to do this again NEXT year, just because that’s what WWE is obsessed with doing.

I have no idea where they go from here as Lesnar might not be around much longer and other than Reigns, there’s no one that could conceivably take the title from him. Reigns winning here was the logical call, but I can see why they pulled the plug. If it’s that bad though and the fans have rejected him this many times in a row, it’s time to admit defeat and move on. Hopefully that’s what the loss means, but stranger things have happened, just with Roman alone actually.

After a long highlight package, as in about seven minutes long, a cleaned up Reigns walks up the ramp to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. You know, there’s a pattern to these mega long shows. For the last three years, they’ve all started off white hot for about two hours but then they hit a road block and go sailing off a cliff. In Dallas it was the Cell, in Orlando it was the mixed tag and here it was pretty much everything after Rousey’s match (Bryan and Styles’ matches ranged from good to acceptable).

Maybe it’s having Reigns as the big finish or maybe it’s just the length of the shows, but they simply can’t maintain the momentum they set up at the start of these shows. It’s like they just run out of ideas and throw whatever nonsense they have on the screen, which may or may not work. I can get that with a small writing staff, but with THIRTY WRITERS put together into two groups, there’s never an excuse to run out of ideas this quickly.

Overall, the show is more good than bad, thanks to the first two matches, the mixed tag, Bryan and AJ, but they really needed to shed….oh a good two hours to get this down to manageable. Notice that I keep saying that year after year. Seven hours is just not something that anyone can pull off because eventually your buzz goes away. It’s happened to me three years in a row and I can’t imagine I’m in the minority. Just give us a break at some point because not everyone needs to be on the show. If you’re only good enough to be thrown into the battle royal, odds are you don’t belong on the card.

Really, the mixed tag main eventing would have made more sense (like you would EVER have to ask Stephanie if she wanted to main event Wrestlemania). If they were going to pull the plug on Reigns winning the title here, go with the feel good, fun match and let Rousey look like the big star. It would make more sense but Reigns seemed to be set in stone for that spot, pretty obvious reaction aside.

All in all, Wrestlemania XXXIV is a good show that needs a MAJOR edit to make it work. Switch the lineup around, shorten some matches, cut some matches (in other words, GET THE TIME LOWER) and you might have something great on your hands. As it is though, it falls into the same category as the other two mega long shows: a hot start, but they run out of gas because there’s a limit to how much wrestling any large group of fans can take.

Results

Seth Rollins b. The Miz and Finn Balor – Stomp to Miz

Charlotte b. Asuka – Figure Eight

Jinder Mahal b. Randy Orton, Bobby Roode and Rusev – Khallas to Rusev

Ronda Rousey/Kurt Angle b. HHH/Stephanie McMahon – Armbar to McMahon

Bludgeon Brothers b. New Day and Usos – Double sitout superbomb to Kingston

Undertaker b. John Cena – Tombstone

Shane McMahon/Daniel Bryan b. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – YES Lock to Zayn

Nia Jax b. Alexa Bliss – Super Samoan drop

AJ Styles b. Shinsuke Nakamura – Styles Clash

Braun Strowman/Nicholas b. The Bar – Powerslam to Cesaro

Brock Lesnar b. Roman Reigns – F5

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXI
Date: March 29, 2015
Location: Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara, California
Attendance: 76,976
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

This is an interesting show as most people really weren’t looking forward to it. The card isn’t that bad on paper but the interest is still low. Reigns vs. Lesnar isn’t the most exciting main event and the idea of HHH vs. Sting as a regular match is borderline terrifying. The show has surprised me before though so let’s get to it.

The set is HUGE this year with a very wide stage and a big circle for the Titantron looking like a play button on the WWE Network. It’s another open air stadium and since it’s on the west coast, the sun is shining very brightly for a unique look.

Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. Los Matadores vs. Usos vs. New Day

One fall to a finish. Kidd and Cesaro, with Kidd’s wife Natalya, are defending and it’s Kofi Kingston/Big E. (minus the Langston) for New Day with Xavier Woods in their corner. The Usos (in San Francisco 49ers colors) have Jimmy’s wife Naomi and Los Matadores still have El Torito. Cesaro and Kofi start fighting with Kingston scoring a quick dropkick but Diego tags himself in.

A ticked off Cesaro pulls Jey off the apron and whips him into the barricade, re-aggravating a shoulder injury and taking Jey out. Kofi monkey flips Diego for two and gets punched in the face as Jey is being taken to the back. Back to Cesaro for a chinlock before the Swing sends Kofi into Kidd’s dropkick. Kofi gets kicked into the corner so Jimmy can tag himself in for a superkick to Cesaro.

Kidd, Fernando, Big E. and Cesaro are all down in a corner and Jimmy nails the running Umaga hip attack to each one of them. Kofi dives onto Diego as any semblance of the tagging has been abandoned. Kidd springboards into a superkick from Jimmy, who charges into an uppercut from Cesaro. Big E. comes in and launches Kofi into a double knee to Cesaro’s chest for two.

Cesaro’s apron superplex takes Big E. down and Los Matadores add a powerbomb/Backstabber combo to Kofi with Kidd breaking up the pin. Kofi goes after Kidd on the floor but has to catch Torito, allowing Natalya to put the bull in a Sharpshooter to continue a stupid mini feud. Jimmy and Naomi dive onto Kidd, Kofi and Fernando. Back in and the Midnight Hour (Big Ending from Big E. (a powerslam drop) and a middle rope DDT from Kofi) plants Diego with Jimmy and Cesaro making stereo saves.

Fernando switches with Diego for a rollup on Big E. but the referee says he’s not legal. If that’s true, I want to buy that referee a ham sandwich. Big E. picks up Diego and Kidd at the same time but Jimmy breaks it up with a superkick. Kidd eats Trouble in Paradise but Cesaro uppercuts Kofi on top. Los Matadores go up top for a double superplex but Cesaro and Big E. make it a double Tower of Doom. JBL: “OH THE HUMANITY!” Jimmy adds a Superfly splash to Big E. but Cesaro steals the pin at retain at 9:58.

Rating: B. Total and complete insanity here (described as a car wreck by the commentators) which was all it needed to be. They didn’t go with a copy of last year’s match, even though a lot of the participants were the same. Kidd and Cesaro were really clicking as a team and the division as a whole was looking up until Kidd’s injury in June.

Pre-Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Adam Rose, Alex Riley, Big E., Big Show, Bo Dallas, Cesaro, Curtis Axel, Damien Mizdow, Darren Young, Diego, Erick Rowan, Fandango, Fernando, Goldust, Heath Slater, Hideo Itami, Jack Swagger, Jimmy Uso, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Konnor, Mark Henry, Ryback, Sin Cara, The Miz, Titus O’Neil, Tyson Kidd, Viktor, Xavier Woods, Zack Ryder

Rose loves to party, Riley is back from injury, Axel is dressed like Hulk Hogan in a gimmick called Axelmania after he was never officially eliminated from the 2015 Royal Rumble, Dallas is a self-obsessed motivational speaker, Mizdow is Sandow copying the Miz as his stunt double (and becoming incredibly popular due to how hard he’s worked at the character), Itami is an NXT guy who won a tournament for this spot and Konnor and Viktor are a power team called the Ascension. The seven people from the opening match are surprise additions to this.

Axel breaks up the brawling to start so he can rip off his shirt, earning himself an elimination from the masses. Everyone keeps fighting until Rose and Fandango eliminate each other. Miz and Mizdow double team Riley and get rid of him with Miz taking the credit. Dallas eliminates Ryder, takes a victory lap, and then gets kicked out by Itami. The fans are way into him so here’s Big Show to eliminate Itami before anyone gets too excited.

Kane gets rid of Los Matadores at the same time and Cesaro does the same to Rose. Henry throws out Kidd but the ring is still WAY too full. Ascension gets rid of Henry and knocks Show down in a stupid move. Ryback dumps Ascension for their brilliance, followed by Young and Slater a few seconds after. Titus goes out too and it’s all Ryback, so Big Show is RIGHT THERE to cut him off.

Show clotheslines Swagger out and takes out all three members of New Day from the apron. You WILL respect Big Show and his amazing strength whether you like it or not. We’re down to Show, Rowan, Uso, Ryback, Cesaro, Goldust, Miz, Mizdow and Kane. The fans are behind Mizdow as Show dumps Rowan.

Ryback gets rid of Goldust but Kane saves Big Show for no logical reason. Miz and Mizdow take a double chokeslam from Kane, who is quickly slammed out by Cesaro. Show dumps Jimmy but gets picked up by Cesaro again, only to escape and dump Cesaro with ease. Ryback grabs a spinebuster on Show and is eliminated for trying to get any momentum.

It’s Miz, Mizdow and Show for the final three but Mizdow FINALLY stands up to Miz and tells him to go do it himself. Miz gets annoyed and yells at him for about a minute as Show just stands back and watch. Mizdow snaps and eliminates Miz and gets to fight Big Show on his own. Some clotheslines have the giant in trouble and Mizdow low bridges him halfway out. Show gets back up and shrugs off a front facelock before easily eliminating Mizdow at 18:08.

Rating: D. So yeah, all hail Big Show, may his name forever be praised, because he’s big and strong and bald and was here back in 1999 so we must give him a win. On top of that, they were trying to push the idea that Big Show had never won a battle royal, ignoring the one he won on Smackdown in 2014 and the one he won on Raw in 2006.

Instead of using this to make Mizdow into someone important, they went with Big Show because he just hasn’t won anything important in a long time. This was it for Mizdow as he would lose the big showdown with Miz less than a month later and pretty much disappear. Big Show on the other hand would do exactly the same thing he’s done for about the last ten years: be treated like a monster and then lose to someone new. Except here of course because Mizdow winning would have been stupid.

Aloe Blacc sings America the Beautiful.

The opening video is hosted by LL Cool J and talks about how entertainment has evolved with everyone being connected. The one thing that has stayed the same though is us as we’ve watched moment after moment in the history of Wrestlemania. That generation at the beginning created what we see today and connects us all together. Tonight, these men and women will take the biggest stage and connect us all. This is Wrestlemania. Cool stuff here and it worked very well.

Intercontinental Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Bad News Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Luke Harper vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose

Ladder match and Barrett is defending after issuing a challenge for a bunch of people to fight him. Stardust is Cody Rhodes as an even freakier version of Goldust. Truth is scared of heights and is going to have some issues in this one. It’s a huge brawl to start and Ambrose takes Harper down with a suicide dive. Stardust jumps off the middle rope and lands on a bunch of people (the Falling Star), leaving Harper to dive on everyone but Ambrose.

Dean climbs a ladder and dives on the other six to put all seven of them down. Truth is the first one back in but he can’t bring himself to climb. It’s Barrett with the save but Bryan dropkicks a ladder into him before whipping Stardust into the ladder to crush Barrett even more. The momentum is stopped as Harper throws the ladder at Bryan but he’s able to tie Harper upside down in the ladder for the YES Kicks.

That earns Bryan a superkick from Ziggler and it’s Dean and Dolph going for a climb. Barrett joins them but Stardust takes out the ladder to put everyone down. The fans chant CODY to freak Stardust out so he throws a ladder at Harper. Stardust goes outside and pulls out his own ladder called the, and I quote, Exo-Atmospheric Starbird. In other words, it’s a ladder covered in glitter.

Barrett will have none of that and breaks a rung off to give Stardust a beating. Dean throws the glitter ladder at Barrett and the glitter falls all over the ring. Now it’s time to bring in two small ladders so Harper and Ambrose can have a duel, capped off by a boot to Dean’s face. Harper lays a smaller ladder on the top rope and rams Dean into it face first. The ladder around Luke’s head takes some people out but Truth drop toeholds Harper down, sending him into the ladder.

Truth sets up the big ladder but Stardust goes for the climb, only to get superplexed back down by Barrett. Bryan, Ziggler and Ambrose go up top until Dean drops down and shoves the ladder over. Dean goes up until Harper powerbombs him off the ladder and through a ladder bridged between the barricade and ring. Ziggler tries a sleeper on Harper as he climbs, followed by the Zig Zag to bring them crashing down.

Somehow Dolph is able to climb up, only to have Barrett pull him down into the Bull Hammer. Another one knocks Truth off but Bryan makes a quick climb and kicks Barrett down. Barrett is right back up though and makes a save, followed by a quick running knee from Bryan, allowing him to climb up, headbutt Ziggler off and win the title at 13:55.

Rating: B. Giving Bryan a title (the fifth different one he’s fought for in five years) is a good idea as it lets the fans get it out of their system with a feel good moment. If he hadn’t won here, the fans would have probably hijacked the show with their DANIEL BRYAN chants because if Bryan isn’t the featured attraction, there’s no way they can possibly enjoy the show. Some fans. Anyway, this was exactly what the match should have been: Money in the Bank but for a title. Unfortunately Bryan would get hurt again and be out of action in less than a month, putting him on the shelf indefinitely.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton. Rollins broke up the Shield last year and became the Authority’s young ace, which ticked Orton off. This led to a feud with Rollins putting Orton on the shelf (meaning onto a movie set) with a Curb Stomp onto some steps. Then Orton returned and rejoined the Authority for a few weeks, only to turn on them again and attack Rollins to set this up. After all that stupid, they went with a simpler idea: Orton as the original future of the WWE vs. Rollins as the new future.

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton

Rollins is Mr. Money in the Bank and has Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble as his personal stooges. Seth starts by flipping away from Orton, only to eat a dropkick and bail to the floor from the threat of an RKO. Back in and a big clothesline looks to set up the RKO again but the Stooges offer a distraction to break it up. Orton deals with them early off a double elevated DDT from the apron.

The distraction lets Seth get in his first offense though and Orton is in trouble. A snap suplex gets two and we’re in the chinlock on Orton. Back up and Orton grabs a powerslam, followed by a t-bone suplex to send Rollins to the apron. As luck would have it, he’s in position for the elevated DDT but Seth pops up with an enziguri, followed by an Asai moonsault to put both guys on the floor.

Back in and Randy can’t get a superplex but he’ll settle for a top rope backdrop and a high cross body, only to have Seth roll through for two. A low superkick staggers Orton and Seth tries standing Sliced Bread #2, only to get caught in the RKO for a very close two. That’s a move you don’t see kicked out of very often. The Stooges break up the Punt to keep this PG, allowing Rollins to hit the Curb Stomp for two. Seth tries it again but this time Orton launches him into the air and catches him in the RKO for the pin at 13:15.

Rating: B. Good but not great here with the near falls off the false finishes not having the best heat in the world. That ending is more than worth it though and looked awesome with Orton being able to catch that thing from almost anywhere. Orton is the kind of guy that you can throw in there whenever you need a spot like this and the fans are going to freak out over the RKO every time, especially when it’s something like that. Good stuff.

Ronda Rousey is here.

We recap HHH vs. Sting, which started back at Survivor Series but Sting disappeared for a few months, as is his custom. Sting stood up against the Authority’s corruption so the Authority talked down to him for never being in the big pond before, because WCW’s legacy exists for WWE to stomp on it and beat their chest over the battle that ended fourteen years ago. This turned into a big thing about the Monday Night Wars with Sting being the last soldier from WCW that had to be vanquished.

As a side note, here’s a great example of why Stephanie gets on people’s nerves. On one of the last shows before this match, Sting came out to say that this shouldn’t be about the Monday Night Wars because that would be totally ridiculous. This brought out Stephanie, to insist that it WAS about the Monday Night Wars and barely letting Sting get in another word, because she had spoken and that’s all that mattered.

HHH vs. Sting

No DQ or countout. Sting is played to the ring by some kind of Japanese band with drums and a gong. As you might expect, HHH completely upstages him with a full on Terminator commercial with the robots rising from the stage, a clip from the movie, HHH dressed as a Terminator and Arnold Schwarzenegger himself appearing on screen for the introduction. It might be time to call in Robocop.

They lock up after forty five seconds and a shoulder drops HHH for more stalling. A hiptoss and dropkick put HHH in the corner and Sting is looking better than he has in years. Fans: “YOU STILL GOT IT!” HHH’s right hands and facebuster have little effect as Sting goes for the Scorpion Deathlock (basically a Sharpshooter), sending HHH bailing to the floor. HHH comes back in but gets whipped over the corner as this has been one sided for the first five minutes.

Sting goes to the floor though and the Stinger Splash hits the barricade by mistake, as it’s done all but roughly twice in his career. Back in and HHH whips him across the ring several times until Sting collapses. We hit the chinlock to slow things down again before HHH goes to the middle rope for some reason. He dives into the Scorpion and here’s DX (X-Pac and the New Age Outlaws) for the save.

Sting fights them off with ease and backdrops HHH onto them, setting up a dive off the top (remember that Sting is 56 here) to take them all out. Back in and a Pedigree gets two so HHH gets the sledgehammer (one of at least two under the ring). This brings out the NWO (Hall, Nash and Hogan) to save Sting (SO much wrong with that statement, not even counting trying to remember if the Kliq exists in storylines or not). They take their sweet time and eventually clean house, allowing Sting to hit the Scorpion Death Drop (reverse DDT) for two.

Now the Deathlock goes on and Hogan pulls the sledgehammer away. Gunn takes Nash down and Nash is holding his leg in what almost has to be a rib. Sting tries to put the hold back on but Shawn Michaels runs in for Sweet Chin Music (well the area a few inches in front of the chin that is). HHH only gets two and both guys are done. Shawn hands HHH the hammer but Hall gives Sting a bat for the awesome duel. HHH’s hammer is broken over the bat and Sting pounds away in the corner, only to dive into the sledgehammer to the face for the pin at 18:35.

Rating: B-. This was a blast until the ending which I really didn’t want to see. Of course the quality here was bad but they were never going to get a good match out there so why not just go for the big circus act? I know the logic is that you can’t have Sting come in and beat HHH because he was WCW, but again, IT WAS FOURTEEN YEARS AGO.

Why does anything about the other company matter anymore? Sting came in as a big, fun moment and then it’s HAHA HHH WINS AGAIN! To be fair though, this was his first Wrestlemania win in five years so it’s not like it happens often. Still though, fun stuff but the ending was a punch to the stomach.

Post match HHH shakes Sting’s hand. As in the guy he hit in the face with a hammer two minutes ago. This doesn’t make any sense as HHH is still the corrupt villain, meaning Sting’s original mission should be ongoing. Forget all that though as this was one more rehash of the Monday Night Wars because people still care about that.

Ads for new shows coming to the WWE Network, including the new Divas Search.

Maria Menunos, in a Bushwhackers shirt, brings in Daniel Bryan. First ever Intercontinental Champion Pat Patterson comes in to congratulate him, as do Roddy Piper, Ricky Steamboat, Ric Flair (of course) and Bret Hart, who starts a YES chant. Ron Simmons comes in and scares them all before hitting his catchphrase.

Skylar Grey, Kid Ink and Travis Barker perform the theme songs. Thankfully it wasn’t a full on medley.

AJ Lee/Paige vs. Bella Twins

Real people vs. reality stars (from Total Divas), even though Paige had already become a cast member. Nikki is Divas Champion and in the middle of her reign of doom. Paige debuted at the Raw after Wrestlemania last year and has formed a dream team with AJ to take on the sisters.

Nikki and Paige have a catfight to start with the champ getting the better of it and knocking AJ off the apron. An Alabama Slam gets two on off an Alabama Slam. Brie comes in with a middle rope missile dropkick as the announcers debate the importance of the women not on Total Divas. AJ gets knocked off the apron again and Brie’s running knee to Paige gets two.

Back to Nikki who drops AJ for the third time, followed by the Rack Attack for two on Paige. They’re even kicking out of the finishers in midcard matches now. Paige superkicks Nikki down and both Bellas wind up on the floor, setting up Paige’s flip dive off the apron. The hot tag FINALLY brings in AJ who is quickly slammed down for two but Brie has to save Nikki from the Black Widow. Nikki forearms AJ for two more, only to get caught in the Black Widow for the submission at 6:42.

Rating: C-. This was a handicap match for the first half with Paige cleaning house, which was made even weirder when AJ came in anyway. Not that it mattered though as the Bellas were going to be pushed as the stars as long as they wanted to because of that stupid reality show. In theory this should have set up AJ as the next challenger but she retired later in the week and left the company for good.

We get a tale of the tape for Lesnar vs. Reigns, which Cole says is the result of a computer analysis. The stats include height, weight and career accomplishments. Did this computer analysis take place in the Korean War?

Hall of Fame video, with highlights of Lanny Poffo reading a poem to induct his brother Randy Savage and Connor Michalek receiving the first Warrior Award.

The Class of 2015 includes Rikishi, Larry Zbyszko (mainly famous in the 80s), Alundra Blayze, Connor Michalek, the Bushwhackers (with Butch on crutches but still doing the strut), Tatsumi Fujinami (a legendary Japanese wrestler), Randy Savage (represented by his brother), Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Kevin Nash (for the required Kliq member, though I wonder why he can go in under his real name and not Hall).

We recap John Cena vs. Rusev for the US Title. Rusev, an evil Bulgarian/Russian, won the title late last year and is undefeated. He’s run through all kinds of American stars and even beat Cena via knockout at Fast Lane 2015. Tonight is the big rematch (as granted by Rusev’s manager Lana to plant the seeds for their split) and showdown for the title. This is one of those stories that worked for years and is still working now because it’s such a simple idea.

US Title: Rusev vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging. Rusev’s entrance trumps everything tonight as the Russian military accompanies Lana to the ring before Rusev rolls out IN A TANK. This is so Rocky IV. Cena has a video montage of Presidents of the United States talking about American exceptionalism until Cena walks out. The fans do the always awesome JOHN CENA SUCKS chant to the tune of his music.

The champ spinwheel kicks the American down to start and dives at Cena for a gutwrench suplex (from Rusev in a cool move) for two. A Cannonball in the corner gets the same but Rusev stops to wave the Russian flag. You don’t do that to a real American so Cena kicks him in the face and starts his way too early finishing sequence. The top rope Fameasser gets two but the fans are too busy cheering for Lana to care.

The AA is broken up and a jumping superkick drops Cena cold. Rusev argues with the referee though and Cena hooks a tornado DDT for two more. A quick Alabama Slam (that’s how you do it Nikki) looks to set up the Accolade (Rusev’s camel clutch finisher) but Cena pulls him down into the STF. As Cena does some of the loudest instructing I’ve ever heard (telling Rusev to keep his head up), Lana throws in a shoe for a distraction so Rusev can make the ropes. Seriously, a shoe? You couldn’t like, go yell at him or something? At least it was rather heelish.

Rusev throws him down with a fall away slam, followed by a top rope headbutt of all things for two. He can’t quite get the Accolade though, allowing Cena to kick him away and debut the springboard Stunner for two of his own. Another jumping superkick and a wheelbarrow slam set up the Accolade and the fans are THRILLED. This time Cena powers out and grabs the STF. Lana offers another distraction but Rusev rams into her by mistake, setting up the AA to give Cena the title at 14:43.

Rating: C+. It’s cool to see Cena drop down the card like this as he’s been in the main event for so long now that it’s hard to get into seeing him win the World Title again. The match was good enough even if there was an obvious ending but the Accolade could have stayed on longer. Rusev was built up to lose at a match like this and there’s nothing wrong with that. It would have been interesting to see Rusev escape again here though and have Cena chase him over the summer.

Rusev blames Lana for the loss.

Wrestlemania XXXII is in Dallas.

The pre-show panel talks about the Tag Team Title match and Big Show winning the battle royal. Thanks for reminding me.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to brag about the new attendance record and desperately fill in some time as we have two matches left and nearly an hour and a half to go. Stephanie talks about watching Wrestlemania I live and seeing her friend Andre the Giant (This was a thing for her around this time as she would mention this whenever she could. For some reason this was her justification for not letting Cena be in the Andre battle royal.).

Wrestlemania has grown exponentially since then and it’s all because of the Authority’s leadership. HHH says it’s like he beat everyone here tonight, just like he beat Sting (Buy a ticket, get a hammer to the face!). They own everyone here because the Authority wins. That means they own the people and that means it’s time for the Rock. Cole says Rock has headlined five Wrestlemanias. Are they really still going with the idea that Rock vs. Hogan wasn’t the headliner?

The fans keep cheering until Stephanie asks them to be quiet because we get the idea. Rock tells Stephanie that she doesn’t own the people here, including himself because he was born right around here. As for HHH, he can either go dress up as the Terminator again or they can make a Wrestlemania moment right here and right now. HHH doesn’t seem interested so, just like Rock left his heart in San Francisco, HHH clearly left something back in Connecticut.

Stephanie gets in Rock’s face and says he knows there’s no Rock without the McMahons. Rock’s dad Rocky Johnson would be nowhere without Vince Sr., Vince Jr. and Stephanie. That starts a chant for Shane, which even Cole acknowledges. Rock says that Stephanie would be nowhere without Vince so she slaps him. Stephanie keeps ranting as Rock goes outside……and stands next to Ronda Rousey. Fans: “RONDA’S GONNA KILL YOU!” Rock introduces her to Stephanie but Stephanie says they’re friends already.

Stephanie KEEPS GOING and says this is her ring. Ronda says any ring she steps into is hers so Stephanie can make her leave. Stephanie smiles at her but Rousey gives her a look, which Rock sums up as meaning “she’s going to reach down your throat, pull out your insides and play jump rope with your Fallopian tubes.” HHH tries to interrupt and gets beaten down, including a hiptoss from Rousey. Stephanie loads up the slap but gets her arm bent back with as little force as possible, likely due to UFC contract stipulations. Rousey and Rock stand tall.

There’s no time to recap Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker but it’s what you would expect: Bray wants to be the new evil monster and Undertaker stands in his way. The interesting note here is Bray sprained the heck out of his ankle earlier in the day so he’s nowhere near 100%.

Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker

The awesome entrances continue (well as awesome as a guy holding a lantern when it’s still daylight can be) as Bray walks down the ramp and passes a string of zombies who come to life as he goes by. Undertaker has grown some hair back and looks like he did in 2002. Bray charges into a boot before the bell, though that might be all that ankle can handle for the match.

Some driving shoulders set up Old School (notice that Undertaker’s offense here keeps Bray from having to stand alone) but a running clothesline puts Undertaker on the floor. He lands on his feet though and pulls Bray out to keep up the beating. The apron legdrop staggers Bray even more but he breaks up the big boot with his running cross body. Bray takes his time pounding Undertaker down which makes sense coming from him.

The ankle is fine enough for a running splash in the corner but Bray drops down and puts on a chinlock. For someone as banged up as he is, this is a solid performance from Wyatt. Undertaker’s head is rammed into the post but Bray goes down and holds his ankle. I don’t know why they didn’t do a quick angle during the match to explain the injury. Back in and Bray can’t stand at first.

Undertaker grabs Hell’s Gate but Bray punches his way out before it goes on full. A release Rock Bottom sets up the backsplash for two on Undertaker. Sister Abigail is countered into a chokeslam followed by a Tombstone for two. These near falls are WAY past overdone so far tonight. Another Tombstone is countered into Sister Abigail to freak Bray out even more. Bray does his spider bridge up but Undertaker sits up and glares into Wyatt’s eyes, sending Bray wilting to the mat in a perfect reaction. Bray actually wins a slugout but Sister Abigail is countered into a second Tombstone to give Undertaker the pin at 15:06.

Rating: C+. This match told me a few things. First and foremost, last year’s match was so bad because of the injury. Undertaker looked like his old (emphasis on that word) self here and was nowhere near as off as he was last year. Unfortunately it also tells me that Bray isn’t going to move up the card any time soon.

With the Streak over there’s no real reason for Undertaker to win here, other than to give the fans a feel good moment. Bray was trying as hard as he could on one leg but he could only get so far. Finally, Undertaker is missing something now that the Streak is gone. 21-1 still sounds impressive but it’s just not the same.

Ad for Extreme Rules.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar. Brock has been unstoppable lately after squashing Cena to win the title at Summerslam 2014. Reigns won the Royal Rumble to earn the shot, despite being LOATHED by the crowd at this point. The idea became about him trying to honor his family’s history and legacy which worked to a degree, but no matter what they did, it was still Brock Lesnar on the other side and people wanted to see him massacre Reigns in every way he could think of.

The other problem for Reigns is he hasn’t really earned the spot. Aside from the Rumble, his only major win was last month over Daniel Bryan. This really wasn’t the strongest build in the world and is boiling down to Brock suplexes a lot and Reigns hits him a lot. Roman has been told he can’t beat Brock and his motivation is to prove him wrong. That’s the extent of his motivation and that’s not enough for the main event of Wrestlemania.

WWE World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Brock is defending of course. We do the big match intros and Reigns is booed out of the building, following by the fans to quote Heyman’s intro along with him. Roman goes right at Brock to start but gets driven into the corner, setting up the first German suplex. Brock is already bleeding but he hits the F5 inside of thirty seconds. A release fisherman’s suplex sends Reigns flying but he elbows out of a German, drawing incredible booing from the crowd.

Brock no sells a clothesline and now the German sends Reigns across the ring again. Reigns smiles at Brock, earning himself a belly to back suplex and Brock debuting the “SUPLEX CITY” line. Right hands don’t bother Brock either as another German drops Reigns again. Roman keeps smiling so Brock breaks it up with a release German. The fans think this is awesome as Brock forearms Reigns off the apron and into the barricade. As he gets back in, Reigns scores with a knee to the ribs, followed by some kicks to the face but Brock catches a foot and knocks Reigns silly with a clothesline.

A belly to belly overhead brings Reigns back in over the top rope but Reigns shakes his head at Brock again. Another F5 gets two and now Brock take the gloves off. Some hard slaps put Reigns down but he tells Brock to bring it on. Another German earns him another bring it on so Brock gives him suplex number ten. The third F5 gets two more, putting Reigns past Undertaker last year. Brock takes Roman outside but Reigns posts him, drawing some real blood from Lesnar.

Back in and Brock is wobbly so Roman its two straight Superman Punches. That gets him to a knee but Reigns has to elbow out of another German. The third Superman Punch puts Brock down and there’s the spear. Brock is up though so a second spear gets a VERY close two. Heyman is on his knees praying as the fans are booing Roman even more. A fourth Superman Punch is countered into a fourth F5…….AND HERE COMES SETH ROLLINS TO CASH IN MONEY IN THE BANK!

WWE World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

The Curb Stomp puts Brock down but Reigns has to spear Brock down to save Seth from an F5. Another Curb Stomp (and a whisper of “thank you so much” to Reigns) gives Seth the title at 16:43!

Rating: A-. They went in a TOTALLY different direction here and it was the best thing they possibly could have done. Reigns vs. Lesnar had little interest as a match but as a one sided war with Reigns giving it everything he had near the end, they turned it into one of the most dramatic spectacles you could find. They had me on the near fall after that second spear and I lost it when Rollins came out.

That ending was a stroke of brilliance as they didn’t want to job Lesnar but they didn’t want to give Reigns the title yet. Rollins had been the wrestler of the year in 2014 and it made much better sense to give him the credit that he deserved for it here. Great drama, great action, and a way better match that it had any right to be.

Fireworks and posing take us out.

Overall Rating: B+. I actually liked this show a lot more live, which probably had a lot to do with the expectations being so low coming in. With more time to think about it and the shock of the cash in being gone, it’s still a really strong show that FAR exceeded expectations. The main event was great and most of the other stuff was good. Aside from the main event there really isn’t a big blow away match though and that hurts things a bit.

The entire show was set up differently this year as there were very few backstage segments and the show was able to fly by otherwise. However, there was that big twenty plus minute segment with Rock/HHH/Stephanie and that’s what caused a big part of this show’s problem: it’s too long.

Counting the two hour pre-show and it’s nearly thirty minutes of wrestling, this show runs nearly six hours. It doesn’t matter if it’s the greatest show you’ve ever watched; that’s too long. There had to be something that could be cut in here (hint: it was the long part that didn’t involve a match), even though none of the matches broke twenty minutes. Between the big talking segment and the live performance, which still adds nothing to the show, there’s too much in here and it makes for a very long sit.

Overall though, this was a major surprise and a better show than it had any right to be. The low expectations helped it a lot, but this was looking like one of the worst Wrestlemanias in history and wound up being a lot of fun. Nothing on it really stands out above the rest (save for maybe the main event) so the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts. Really fun show here.

Ratings Comparison

New Day vs. Los Matadores vs. Usos vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd

Original: C+

Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D+

Redo: D

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match

Original: B

Redo: B

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: B

Sting vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: B-

Paige/AJ Lee vs. Bella Twins

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Rusev vs. John Cena

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: C+

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: B+

Yeah the shock had a lot to do with it but there was good stuff throughout.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/03/29/wrestlemania-xxxi-shock-and-awe-shock-and-awe/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXXI
Date: March 29, 2015
Location: Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara, California
Attendance: 76,976
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Tonight is the night. Even though the build hasn’t been the best in recent history, this is still Wrestlemania and the biggest show of the year. The main event is the recently re-signed Brock Lesnar defending his WWE World Heavyweight Title against the winner of the Royal Rumble, Roman Reigns. The card looks good on paper but that has to translate to something more. Let’s get to it.

The stage is HUGE and has a big circle in the middle for a Titantron.

Pre-Show: Tag Team Titles: Los Matadores vs. Usos vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kid vs. New Day

One fall to a finish here. Cesaro and Kidd are defending, Jey Uso has a banged up shoulder and it’s Kofi and Big E for New Day. The Usos are in regular short trunks with tassels and are in San Francisco 49ers colors. The fans are behind Cesaro as he starts with Kingston but Fernando tags Cesaro to come in. Cesaro goes after Jey on the floor and sends him into the barricade, likely to write him out of the match due to his shoulder.

Back in and Kofi takes Fernando down for two as Jimmy checks on his brother. Diego slingshots in with a hilo to Kofi and it’s back to Cesaro for a chinlock. Jey is taken out as Kidd comes in for the Swing into the dropkick for two. Everything breaks down for a bit until it’s only Kofi and Kidd with the latter holding a chinlock. Jimmy comes back in and cleans house with superkicks all around and four straight running Umaga attacks in the corner.

Kofi dives off the top onto Fernando, leaving Jimmy to drop Kidd for a close two. Cesaro drops Jimmy with an uppercut but Big E. tags himself in for a splash on both guys. He throws Kofi at Cesaro for two but everyone goes to the corner for a series of superplexes, a splash and Los Matadores with a powerbomb into a backstabber for two on Kofi. Natalya (and her very low cut outfit) offer a distraction, allowing Torito to hurricanrana Woods into the barricade.

Natalya puts Torito in the Sharpshooter but Naomi dives on a bunch of people, followed by a Rear View to Natalya. Back in and the Midnight Hour gets two on Fernando with Jimmy and Cesaro making a save. The referee actually says Big E. isn’t legal (Lawler: “How would he know?”) with Fernando but Kidd tags himself in anyway, only to have Big E. throw him and Fernando onto his shoulders at the same time.

Kofi kicks Kidd and knees Cesaro in the corner but Los Matadores get in there to knock Cesaro to the floor. The announcers are already calling this a car wreck. A six man Tower of Doom puts everyone not named Uso down, leaving Jimmy to splash Big E. but Cesaro runs in to steal the pin and retain at 10:00.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t as good as last year but it was a completely different kind of match. This was a huge mess with everyone all over the place and no flow to the match after the five minute mark. That being said, at least they went with the right choice for the winners and Natalya got to keep looking awesome. Not a great match or anything but it was fast paced and fun, which is what something like this should be doing.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

The Miz, Curtis Axel, Ryback, Fandango, Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Jack Swagger, Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, Big Show, Kane, Erick Rowan, Damien Mizdow, Sin Cara, Goldust, Heath Slater, Mark Henry, Konnor, Viktor, Hideo Itami, Cesaro, Jimmy Uso, Diego, Fernando, Bo Dallas, Kofi Kingston, Big E., Xavier Woods, Tyson Kidd, Alex Riley

There are some unannounced people in there, including everyone in the opener, but I’m not sure I have everyone included. Axel does the Hogan pose and everyone eliminates him at once. It’s a huge mess to start so it’s really hard to see what’s going on. Itami kicks away at Cesaro and gets a great reaction from the fans. Rose and Fandango eliminate each other and Show chops Itami. Miz and Mizdow go after Riley and get him out without too much of a problem.

Bo Dallas breaks up the Broski Boot and dumps Ryder, only to eliminate himself in celebration. He goes back in anyway so Itami kicks him out again. Kidd and Itami kick it out but Big Show punches Hideo out. So much for NXT meaning anything. Kane dumps Los Matadores and Cesaro throws Sin Cara onto the two of them. Henry throws Kidd onto the pile but Ascension gets together to throw him out.

Ascension goes after Big Show as and actually knock him down but JBL points out the obvious problem that creates. Ryback eliminates Viktor and Konnor at the same time, followed by doing the same to Young and Slater. Titus gets eliminated by Ryback as well but it’s Big Show clotheslining Ryback down before knocking out Swagger. New Day triple teams Big Show but he eliminates all of them with ease. We’re down to Jimmy Uso, Rowan, Big Show, Cesaro, Kane, Ryback, Goldust, Miz and Mizdow.

Things finally slow down until Big Show eliminates Rowan (were you expecting anything else?) and Ryback dumps Goldust. Kane breaks up a Shell Shock to Big Show and chokeslams Miz and Mizdow. Cesaro hangs on and slides back in to slam Kane out for a big reaction. Show tosses Jimmy and it’s Cesaro vs. Big Show just like last year. This time though Big Show escapes the slam and throws Cesaro out. Instead it’s Ryback spinebustering Show as we’re down to Ryback, Big Show, Miz and Mizdow.

Show counters the Meat Hook and throws out Ryback, leaving Show to smile at the only two left. The fans cheer for Mizdow, who FINALLY tells Miz no. Miz tries to talk him down and yells at him as Big Show just stands around for two minutes while they argue. Miz goes after Big Show and gets eliminated to a big reaction, only to turn around and see Big Show.

JBL keeps harping on Big Show never winning a battle royal in WWE but Mizdow skins the cat to get back inside. He hammers away but gets taken down by a shoulder. Mizdow avoids a charge to send Show to the apron but Show grabs him by the throat. A guillotine choke looks to do the same ending as the 2004 Royal Rumble but Show shoves him off and wins at 18:11.

Rating: D+. Good grief man really? I mean REALLY? Their big idea is to FINALLY turn Mizdow to a hug…..screw sarcasm. I’m sick of Big Show, I’m sick of him getting pushed, I’m sick of WWE thinking he’s interesting because he’s big, and I’m sick of his old body getting these big moments because he was there in the Attitude Era with his stupid country sounding song. Thanks for all the work Mizdow. Maybe you’ll get a better push if you grow a foot and turn 44.

Aloe Blacc (I haven’t heard of him either) sings America the Beautiful.

The opening video features LL Cool J talking about how universal the world has become with everyone being connected. However, one thing stays the same: us. People come together and feel a connection between themselves. J talks about some great moments in Wrestlemania and says these generations have come together for this night. Kind of a far cry from the huge party down the streets of New Orleans.

Intercontinental Title: Bad News Barrett vs. Stardust vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Luke Harper

Ladder match with Barrett defending. Pat Patterson is here to put the belt up, which makes sense as he’s the first Intercontinental Champion and had his greatest fame in this area. Ziggler seems to have braided his hair, Stardust has a cape and Ambrose gets the loudest pop. Dean hits the ring and the brawl is on in a hurry. Truth flip dives onto Barrett and Ambrose but Stardust dives onto all three.

Harper throws Ziggler outside too and hits a big suicide dive. Not to be out done, Dean climbs a ladder for a flying elbow drop to the pile. Truth is up first and goes for the belt but Barrett cleans house with a ladder of his own. Bryan comes in with some running dropkicks to crush Stardust into the ladder into Barrett in the corner but Harper throws the ladder at Daniel’s head. Harper gets tied upside down in the ladder and Bryan fires off some YES Kicks. Apparently being a former World Champion makes you immune to falling ladders.

Ziggler and his hair of doom comes back in with a superkick to Daniel before getting into a climbing contest with Dean. Barrett pulls both guys down before Stardust knocks all three of them down and crushes Ambrose’s legs in the ladder. Stardust goes outside and pulls out the, I quote, Exo-Atmospheric Star Bird. In other words, a ladder with glitter on the sides. That’s fine with Barrett who rips a rung off and beats Stardust with it because I guess he likes black ladders.

We get a stepladder thrown in and Harper sends Dean face first into the ladder in the corner. It’s time for the Terry Funk helicopter spot but Truth drop toeholds him down to break it up. Truth brings in the big ladder but can’t find the middle of the ring, allowing Barrett and Stardust to climb up with Bad News superplexing him down. Dean shoves Bryan and Ziggler’s ladder down before hitting the rebound clothesline to Harper.

That’s fine with Luke as he powerbombs Dean over the top and through a bridged ladder at ringside. Dolph puts Harper in the sleeper but Luke climbs anyway, only to fall backwards to crush Ziggler again. Ziggler is up first though and makes a fast attempt, only to get pulled into a Bull Hammer. Stardust and Truth get one as well but it’s Bryan making the save, only to have Ziggler and Barrett pull down. Back up and the running knee puts Bad News down but Ziggler sprints up the ladder for a slugout. The belt starts swaying but it turns into a headbutt exchange. It’s Ziggler going down though and Bryan wins at 13:55.

Rating: B. Total mess for the most part here but Bryan winning is the smart move. The guy is still one of the most popular guys on the roster and hopefully they’re not going to give him the losing streak. Maybe this makes it the wrestler’s title again, which would be the best thing they could do with the belt. Really good opener here with the right ending to top it off. Harper looked great here too and is a star in the making if they ever figure out how to use him.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins with a different twist: both guys have been called the future but now Orton might be surpassed. Then they go with the stupid story of Orton attacking the Authority, then joining the Authority, then attacking them again. It never made sense before and it doesn’t now.

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton

Orton has elbow pads again. Some headlocks get us nowhere so Rollins does a standing backflip, only to eat a dropkick. After a quick chase on the floor, Rollins stomps away in the corner but Orton takes his head off with a clothesline. The RKO is broken up by a Stooges distraction, earning them a double elevated DDT onto the floor to get us down to one on one. It takes too much time though and Rollins nails a suicide dive to take Orton out.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Rollins takes Orton down with a running splash in the corner. An early Curb Stomp attempt is countered into a powerslam followed by a t-bone suplex. Another elevated DDT is countered though and Rollins kicks him to the floor for an Asai Moonsault. Back in and Orton’s superplex is countered but he backdrops Rollins to break up superbomb attempt.

Rollins rolls through a high cross body for two but now the elevated DDT connects. The RKO is countered into the low superkick but Rollins tries a standing Sliced Bread #2, only to walk into the RKO for a very close near fall. That’s not a move you see kicked out of often (outside of a John Cena match of course). The Stooges come in to break up the Punt and take RKOs, setting up a Curb Stomp for another close two. Rollins misses the Phoenix Splash but tries another Curb Stomp, only to be LAUNCHED into the air for the RKO and the pin at 13:35.

Rating: B. Not quite the show stealer it could have been, but man alive that was one heck of an RKO. I was thinking they were going to do the Phoenix Splash into the RKO but that would have been a bit too far. The ending was sweet though and it’s the second really good match in a row to start things off. Orton winning is surprising, but we might not be done with Rollins tonight.

Ronda Rousey is here.

We recap HHH vs. Sting with the on the Authority being corrupt before changing to HHH just wanting to end Sting’s legacy.

Sting vs. HHH

Sting is played out by a Japanese drum group. HHH one ups him with scenes from the new Terminator movie, a shot from the Terminator’s view, and an army of Terminators on stage. HHH is in Terminator attire and Arnold Schwarzenegger himself appears on the screen to say it’s time to play the game. Sting shouldn’t be scared. After all, he knows Robocop. In an added stipulation, you can only win by pinfall or submission. Sting is in his singlet instead of a t-shirt.

After a 45 second staredown, it’s time for the first lockup with Sting shouldering him down. HHH does the same and throws out a crotch chop. Sting is right back up with a dropkick and HHH is stunned. The facebuster is no sold but HHH bails from a Scorpion attempt. Sting follows him out and gets sent hard into the steps to give HHH his first advantage. Back in and HHH starts on the ribs before putting on a chinlock. That goes as far as you would expect before HHH gets two off a spinebuster. We hit the chinlock again but Sting counters into the Deathlock.

Cue the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac (remember no DQ). Sting fights them off with ease and throws HHH to the floor before dives off the top to take DX down! Back in and the Pedigree connects for two with the fans not really buying that as a major threat just yet. It’s sledgehammer time but cue Hall, Nash and Hogan to make it about the Monday Night Wars again. You know, because Sting was SO into the Black and White.

The Death Drop gets two on HHH and we hit a long Deathlock as everyone fights at ringside (with Nash going down and holding his leg, which would be one heck of a rib). Shawn Michaels runs in with Sweet Chin Music to break it up but Sting gets up at two. Gunn hands HHH the sledgehammer but Hall gives Sting the bat. A bat shot to the ribs puts HHH down and another BREAKS THE HAMMER! The Stinger Splash staggers HHH but he comes back with the head of the hammer to knock Sting cold for the pin at 18:35.

Rating: B-. GOOD GRIEF. I was having a great time with the nostalgia until they completely missed the point with the ending. What in the world is the point in bringing Sting in to have him lose? For the sake of doing one more shot at WCW for the Monday Night Wars? That thing that was FIFTEEN YEARS AGO and Vince still isn’t over? The worst part for me was the match was actually rocking before the ending. This was a really fun match until the bad ending, which is way more than I was expecting.

HHH shakes his hand post match. Uh, no. YOU HIT HIM IN THE FACE WITH A HAMMER AFTER COMING OUT WITH AN ARMY OF ROBOTS! NO HE DOES NOT WANT TO SHAKE YOUR HAND!

New series coming to WWE Network: Camp WWE (Rated mature), Jerry Springer’s Too Hot For WWE, a Jackass style show and the new Divas Search.

Daniel Bryan is with Maria Menunos (in a Bushwhackers shirt) when Pat Patterson, Roddy Piper (with a kiss to the head), Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair come up to congratulate him. A Woo-off ensues until Bret Hart comes in to shake Bryan’s hand and starts a YES chant. Cue Ron Simmons and you know the rest.

Skyler Gray performs the theme song. I’ll use this break to say this show has rocked so far and is WAY better than I was expecting coming in.

Paige/AJ Lee vs. Bella Twins

No recap video but it’s about the Bellas being celebrities and AJ/Paige being themselves. Paige (with blue highlights) takes Nikki down to start but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for an early two. Off to Brie for a front facelock before knocking AJ off the apron. The BRIE MODE running knee to the face gets two for Brie before Nikki comes in with a spinebuster. Paige fights back but there’s still no AJ to tag. Instead she just dives off the apron with a flip to take out both Bellas and now the hot tag brings in AJ.

A quick tornado guillotine onto the top rope sets up a high cross body but Nikki rolls through for two of her own. Nikki lifts her up for an electric chair but AJ spins out into a DDT which was slightly botched but looked good enough. Brie breaks up the Black Widow but Nikki’s big forearm only gets two. Paige sends Brie into the steps and the Black Widow makes Nikki tap at 6:40.

Rating: C+. Well that happened. It was a step above most Divas matches but this really didn’t do anything special. Like I said coming into this match, if there’s nothing on the line, this doesn’t mean much. I’m pretty sure AJ has made Nikki tap before, so this really doesn’t mean anything. Decent match but it certainly didn’t knock anything out of the park. The time didn’t do it any favors though.

Hall of Fame video.

The Class of 2015 is presented. Butch is on crutches but still does the arm wacking.

We recap John Cena vs. Rusev. Cena passed out in the Accolade last month but he choked Rusev out to get a rematch. This is firmly about the USA vs. Russia and Cena wanting to bring the title back home.

US Title: Rusev vs. John Cena

Lana is back and carrying the title, flanked by Russian soldiers carrying the Russian flag. Rusev RIDES OUT IN A TANK to the Russian national anthem. Cena counters with an American theme with various Presidents talking about American exceptionalism but just walks out with the fans singing “John Cena sucks” in time to his music ala the Raw after Wrestlemania last year. Rusev insists that his big match intro is first and Cena stares a hole through him.

Rusev scores with an early spinwheel kick for two and throws Cena around with a suplex. He stops to get the Russian flag though and Cena gets fired up, meaning it’s time to start his finishing sequence. The AA doesn’t work though and Rusev gets two off a spinning belly to back suplex. Rusev gets the same off a spinning Rock Bottom but his superplex is countered for a top rope Fameasser. The fans start chanting for Lana but get shut down as Cena gets two off a tornado DDT.

Rusev comes back with a knee to the head and an Alabama Slam (Russian for “TELL HER THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE!”) for two. Cena takes him down with the STF but Lana throws her shoes in for some reason (that was a real, ahem, heel move) as Rusev makes the ropes. He slams Cena down again and goes up for a pretty good looking top rope headbutt and two more.

The Accolade doesn’t work so Cena gets up, jumps at the ropes like a Lionsault but catches Rusev in a Stunner of all things for two. Rusev shrugs it off and puts on the Accolade but Cena gets to his feet and rams Rusev into the corner. The STF goes on but Lana offers a distraction, only to have Rusev accidentally knock her down, setting up the AA for the pin at 14:43.

Rating: B-. Good match but a bit below their previous match and not exactly the emotion they were going for. They hit all the big points but Cena winning was kind of just there instead of having a big impact. I’m thinking more about that Stunner than anything else, but it’s nice to see Cena with a midcard title and taking a backseat to the World Title. Not that he doesn’t belong in the title scene, but this is refreshing.

Post match Rusev yells at Lana and leaves.

It’s 9:30 and we have two matches left. Those are going to have to go a long time to make this fit. It’s possible that that’s a stretch.

Wrestlemania XXXII is in Dallas on April 3, 2016.

The pre-show panel talks for a bit and recaps the two matches before the show started.

Here are Stephanie and HHH to announce the new attendance record: 76,976. Stephanie talks about being at Wrestlemania I to watch her friend Andre the Giant (my goodness let it go Steph) slam Big John Studd. She takes credit for the evolution of WWE because this company has grown under her leadership. HHH says he beat Sting tonight but he also beat everyone who bet against them. It’s like he beat everyone here tonight and millions more around the world. He owned Sting and every superstar and Diva back there. They own the people too and you know what that means.

Cue the Rock for a huge ovation. Stephanie: “Ok you’re happy to see him. Can you be quiet now?” Rock says the Authority doesn’t own the people or the Rock because he’s an East Bay boy (meaning from this area of California). HHH’s options are to go dress up like Terminator again or we can have a Wrestlemania moment right here, right now. HHH remembers beating Rock in most of their matches so he has nothing to prove. Rock left his heart in San Francisco but HHH left his balls in Connecticut.

Stephanie gets in his face and says Rock is trying to get the fans to cheer for him because he knows without the McMahons, there is no Rock. She brings up Rock’s father and grandfather but the fans chant for Shane. Rock says Stephanie can run her mouth about the McMahons and the Johnsons, but she wouldn’t be in power without McMahon’s Johnson. Stephanie slaps him in the face and asks if he’s going to hit her.

Rock actually leaves as Stephanie still won’t shut up, so Rock goes over to……Ronda Rousey. Fans: “RONDA’S GONNA KILL YOU!” Rock says he would never hit a woman, but Rousey would be happy to. Stephanie says they’re friends but Ronda just stares at her. See, this is Stephanie’s ring so she’s not scared of Ronda. Ronda says any ring she steps into is hers so make her leave.

Stephanie still won’t shut up so Rock warns her about the look on Rousey’s face. “That look means she’s about to reach down your throat and play jump rope with your Fallopian tubes.” HHH remembers that he’s here and says that’s the last thing Rock is saying about Stephanie.

The fight is on and Rock hammers away before Rousey takes HHH down as well. Stephanie pulls back for the slap but Rousey catches the arm….and lets her go as Stephanie screams in pain. Rock says that’s the Wrestlemania moment of the night. WAY longer than it needed to be and Rousey didn’t get nearly enough heat off Stephanie but she looked at home in the ring.

Bray Wyatt vs. Undertaker

No recap but Bray keeps the awesome entrances going with zombie scarecrows that come to life as he passes them. Bray sprained his ankle earlier in the night so he might not be moving like usual. The sun is still partially out so the entrances are nowhere near as ominous as usual. Undertaker has some hair again and looks similar to how he did back in 2002. Bray says all of this is his now and charges into a boot to the face before the bell.

The driving shoulders put Bray down again and Old School connects, only to have Bray nail him with a clothesline. Another clothesline puts Undertaker over the top but he pulls Bray outside. The apron legdrop has Bray in even more trouble as it’s almost all Undertaker early. Back in and Snake Eyes looks to set up the running boot but Bray takes him down with the running cross body. The running splash in the corner gets two and we hit the chinlock.

Undertaker is dragged over to the corner as Bray goes outside for a big running charge into the steps, possibly sending Undertaker’s head into the post. Back in and Bray goes to pick him up but gets caught in Hell’s Gate. Undertaker can’t quite get it locked in though and some right hands get Bray out. A release Rock Bottom and the backsplash get two and Undertaker is rocked.

Sister Abigail is countered into a chokeslam and the Tombstone gets two. Another Tombstone is countered into Sister Abigail for two. Bray Spiders up but Undertaker sits up and just stares at him, making Bray fall back to the mat in an unintentionally funny moment. The look basically said “Boy, what in God’s name do you think you’re doing?” Bray wins a slugout but takes too long mocking Undertaker, allowing Sister Abigail to be countered into another Tombstone for the pin at 15:06.

Rating: B. That sitout to break the spider walk was great but the match worked really well too. This really makes me think that last year was mostly due to the concussion, as this was much closer to the (still overrated) Punk match two years ago. Bray isn’t going to die because of this, but he needs a major win or a big feud soon. Undertaker winning was pretty much the only option, especially since he can still go this well. It wasn’t a masterpiece, but it was more than acceptable.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar. To keep it short, Brock is a monster that can’t be beaten but Reigns says he can do it. There isn’t much more to it than that.

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is defending of course and Reigns doesn’t get the best reaction in the world. Reigns goes right for him but gets driven into the corner and thrown down with a German. The F5 from a bloody Lesnar connects in 31 seconds but he doesn’t cover. Brock throws him down again and Reigns looks stunned. He elbows out of another German and the fans are all over him. Brock no sells some clotheslines and throws Reigns with another German.

Reigns smiles up at him and shoves Brock’s face. Brock: “SUPLEX CITY!” Another comeback is countered with the fifth German of the match but Roman keeps smiling at him. Number six has Reigns in even more trouble and Brock drapes him across the top rope. The fans say this is awesome and Brock drives Reigns off the apron and into the barricade. As they come back in, Reigns scores with a knee to the face and fires some kicks to the chest to nothing but boos.

Brock catches a kick though and just BLASTS Reigns with a clothesline to send him back outside. Back in and another suplex sends Reigns flying as Brock seems to like the blood on his face. Now Reigns looks to have some blood in his mouth too. Brock belly to bellies him over the ropes and back inside, followed by the second F5 for two. There go Brock’s gloves and he slaps Reigns in the face a few times. Reigns starts laughing again so Brock throws him down with two more Germans. A third F5 only gets two and Brock is a combination of livid and shocked.

They head outside again and Brock goes hard into the post to really bust him open. He beats the count back in at nine and Reigns is smiling again. Now the Superman Punch connects but he doesn’t go down. A second puts him down in the corner on one knee but the third misses, only to have Reigns counter the German. Reigns headbutts him (hooray for racial stereotypes!) and nails the third Superman Punch followed by the spear but Lesnar stumbles to the corner. A second spear gets two and Reigns is stunned. I totally bought that as the finish.

Brock catches a third spear in the fourth F5 AND HERE COMES ROLLINS! He cashes in right now and I think we have a triple threat! Rollins kicks Reigns to the floor and connects with the Curb Stomp but loads up a second, allowing Lesnar to counter into the F5. Reigns spears Lesnar down but Rollins Curb Stomps Reigns to win the title at 16:43!

Rating: B+. YES! I’ve wanted Rollins to win the title for the better part of a year now and this is the PERFECT way to pay it off. They keep Lesnar looking like a killer, Reigns looks strong and above all else, ROLLINS IS THE WORLD CHAMPION! They were running into a problem with Lesnar as champion: you can only see him squash people for so long before it stops being entertaining. Let him go back to the big featured match and keep him away from the title (or turn him face) and let Rollins be the top star as he should be. I’m thrilled with this and couldn’t be happier. Great choice for an ending to a great show.

Overall Rating: A. We’ll file this under WHERE THE HECK DID THIS COME FROM??? I had a blast with this show and couldn’t be happier if I tried. Above all else, there were no bad matches on the whole card. Not a single one. The worst thing all night was a too long Rock vs. HHH segment to set up a huge match next year and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m still on a high from that ending and might be overrating the show, but this was a great night all around.

I need to give credit to the entrances too. These were on fire all night and the best thing about them was how much more of a spectacle they made the show. Yeah it’s cool to see them walk down a ramp, but having a tank, robots or a Japanese band (what was up with that?) makes it feel like you’re seeing something special.

I can’t believe how much I liked this show after dreading what I felt was coming. The best part about it though is the renewed faith in the company. Yeah, the build sucked, but they NAILED the show (save for one or two questionable booking moves) and the whole thing was just a blast all around. I had a great time with this and didn’t get bored once, save for a lame concert but we’ll ignore that for now. Really good show and a high quality all night, with the worst match being a totally watchable Divas tag. Loved it and I can’t believe how good of a time I had watching, especially the ending.

Results

Daniel Bryan b. Dolph Ziggler, Luke Harper, Stardust, R-Truth, Dean Ambrose and Bad News Barrett – Bryan pulled down the title

Randy Orton b. Seth Rollins – RKO

HHH b. Sting – Sledgehammer to the face

AJ Lee/Paige b. Bella Twins – Black Widow to Nikki

John Cena b. Rusev – Attitude Adjustment

Undertaker b. Bray Wyatt – Tombstone

Seth Rollins b. Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar – Curb Stomp to Reigns

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2019
Date: January 27, 2019
Location: Chase Field, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 48,193
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

It’s time to go back to the stadium with another major show. The Royal Rumble has changed a good bit in recent years as it is now another extended show with a pair of Royal Rumble matches instead of just one. No one is exactly jumping off the page as a favorite in either of them, though Becky Lynch is currently the most popular person in the company. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode/Chad Gable vs. Scott Dawson/Rezar

Non-title but if Dawson and Rezar (regular partners injured) win, the regular teams get a title shot each. And yes, this match was completely necessary as a last minute addition. The match is so awesome that a cameraman falls down during Roode and Gable’s entrance for the always fun camera shot. Drake Maverick is with Dawson and Rezar. Dawson’s headlock on Roode doesn’t get very far as Roode takes him into the corner for a monkey flip from Gable. Wilder wouldn’t have let that happen.

An exchange of near falls doesn’t go very far so Gable hits a springboard spinning crossbody for two. Dawson takes him down though and catapults Gable into a chokeslam to put the champs in trouble. Rezar chokes on the rope and Dawson grabs a northern lights suplex for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long as it’s back to Rezar to keep knocking Gable around.

Dawson sends him into the ropes but they bang heads for a double knockdown. Rezar comes back in and tries another chokeslam but Gable reverses into an armbar over the ropes. That’s enough for the hot tag off to Roode, who hits a spinebuster on Dawson. Back up and Dawson dropkicks Rezar by mistake, leaving Roode to take a neckbreaker/moonsault combination for the pin at 6:55.

Rating: D+. This would be a textbook definition of a match that did not need to be added to the show and did nothing more than fill in time. As usual, that’s not a good idea and yet it keeps happening around here almost every show. I’m not sure how much of a point there was to having the makeshift tag team thrown out there to lose when Akam wasn’t going to be back for months. Nothing good here and a match that didn’t need to happen.

Kickoff Show: United States Title: Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev

Nakamura is challenging and Lana is here with Rusev. Nakamura gets driven into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs and a suplex brings him right back out. They head outside but Nakamura gets in a running kick to the face off the steps, setting up the running knee to the jaw. Back in and Bad Vibrations into the running knee to the ribs gets two and we hit the front facelock. Rusev fights up and punches away, setting up the spinwheel kick for two.

A suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head so Rusev knocks him over again. Nakamura kicks him in the head again so Rusev scores with the Machka Kick and a swinging release Rock Bottom. Since Rusev stops for half a second though, Rusev pulls him into a triangle choke, which is countered with a suplex. That works so well that Rusev loads up a superplex, only to get reversed into a Landslide for two. Nakamura goes for the turnbuckle pad but Lana gets on the apron (and grabs her ankle) to point it out. That just results in Rusev knocking her down by mistake, setting up Kinshasa for the pin and the title at 10;15.

Rating: C-. Just a little better than the opener but not all that much. Nakamura taking the title from Rusev just over a month into the title reign doesn’t exactly mean much, but that’s the case with so many of the midcard title changes around here. The match was a watchable enough power exchange but it still feels like a title change for the sake of a title change.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Hideo Itami vs. Kalisto vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Buddy Murphy

Murphy is defending, one fall to a finish, and Ariya Daivari is here with Itami. They circle each other for a bit until Itami rolls to the floor. That leaves the other three to trade rollups for two each until Murphy hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to drop Tozawa. Kalisto’s very springboardy hurricanrana is broken up as everything breaks down again. Kalisto tries a Cannonball off the apron but gets caught in Murphy’s suplex instead.

Itami gets back in and poses, meaning it’s time for the showdown with Murphy. The champ gets struck down in the corner and Itami demands respect as we can see his future going down the drain in a hurry. Murphy goes outside and tries to powerbomb Kalisto into the barricade, only to have Tozawa hit a suicide dive into Kalisto, which sends Murphy into the barricade for a crash. Itami throws Kalisto and Tozawa back inside so he can get two on each of them.

A Murphy distraction lets Kalisto kick Itami in the head and it’s a monkey flip to send Tozawa onto Murphy on the floor. Murphy comes back in and gets missile dropkicked by Tozawa, only to have Itami break up the top rope backsplash. Itami gets knocked to the outside though and Tozawa hits a suicide headbutt. Kalisto and Murphy follow with dives of their own with the champ getting the best of it.

Back in and Kalisto hits a hurricanrana driver for two on Murphy, who is right back up with a Liger Bomb for his own near fall. Tozawa scores with a reverse hurricanrana on Murphy but it’s Itami breaking that up. The Salida Del Sol gets two on Itami and everyone is down. A series of kicks puts everyone down again for a bit so Murphy knees Kalisto and Tozawa. Murphy slips out of whatever Itami’s spinning knee deal was (I STILL don’t get that one) and knees him down as well, setting up Murphy’s Law to retain at 12:06.

Rating: B-. Now that’s more like it with an action packed twelve minute match that actually felt like it mattered for a change. Or at least it felt like a match that had been set up more than thirty seconds before they came to the ring. Murphy continues to look like a star and it’s easy to see why he’s a much bigger deal just a year later.

The opening video looks at how important the Rumble is, with some great historical footage included. It has more history than any show not named Wrestlemania so it’s a smart move to go into that well. This switches into your regular opening video, which does its usual good job at looking at the rest of the card.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Asuka

Asuka is defending after taking the title from Becky in a TLC match at TLC, with Charlotte being included as well. Becky is on fire at this point and it’s a matter of time before she gets the big hero moment. They go with the aggressive lockup to start and that goes absolutely nowhere. Becky’s running shoulder earns her a running dropkick and a lot of shouting from the champ. Neither of them can get the arm so Asuka kicks her in the leg for two instead.

Becky is right back up with shots to the face and a kick to the ribs, followed by a running clothesline to sent Asuka to the floor. They switches places and you just don’t do that to Asuka, who scores with the running hip attack. Asuka heads outside as well and gets sent into the apron, only to send Becky into the post. The Bexploder sends Asuka into the barricade though and Becky is starting to seethe.

That means the aggressive stomping in the corner and the next of what is likely to be a bunch of armbars. That’s broken up so Becky avoids another hip attack and hammers away in the ropes. Asuka isn’t about to get beaten up though and pulls Becky into the Asuka Lock while still in the ropes. With that broken up, Becky fights out of the corner and grabs a Disarm-Her in the corner. That doesn’t last long either so Asuka knees her out of the air. Asuka strikes away but misses a missile dropkick so Becky can hit a Rock Bottom for two.

Back up again and they fight to the apron with Asuka hitting a fisherman’s neckbreaker to the floor and they’re both down. Asuka is in first and Becky beats the count, earning herself a basement dropkick to the head. They slug it out until Asuka kicks her head off for two. Asuka goes up so Becky stops her with a kick of her own and a super Bexploder gets a rather near fall as the crowd is staying right with them.

The middle rope legdrop misses though and Asuka catches her in a Disarm-Her. To keep up the same line of thinking, Becky gets her own Asuka Lock before switching to the Disarm-Her. Becky is too weak to get it on in full so Asuka rolls out and grabs the Asuka Lock and flips forward Cattle Mutilation style for the tag at 17:09.

Rating: B+. These two beat the heck out of each other and that finisher was the mega death version of the Asuka Lock. It’s really weird to see Becky lose though and it was even more surprising watching this live as Becky was the hottest thing around. Having her tap is a bit much, but sweet goodness would they get mileage out of that loss. The counters and different styles were awesome here though and it’s a near instant classic.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Shane McMahon/The Miz vs. The Bar

The Bar is defending and Miz’s dad is in the front row. Miz and Shane are together because of the Best In The World tournament but Shane has agreed to be nice to him so they can succeed together. In other words, expect the Shane Show to continue. Shane spears Sheamus down at the bell and it’s time for an early breather. Miz comes in to roll Cesaro up for two but it’s way too early for the Skull Crushing Finale.

Sheamus grabs Miz from behind to hold him in the corner though and Cesaro scores with the running uppercut. A right hand knocks Shane to the floor so Miz kicks away to avenge his fallen partner. They all head outside with Miz having to be saved from a double powerbomb through the announcers’ table. It’s too early for the big elbow through the table so Shane hits a top rope clothesline on Sheamus instead.

Shane gets sent hard into the barricade and that should let him stay down and use up all the oxygen in the first three rows. Back in and Sheamus drops a knee on Miz before cranking on the arm. The ten forearms to the chest and a double suplex back in get two as Shane is back up onto the apron. Cesaro drops a middle rope ax handle for two and Sheamus comes back in to talk more trash.

Miz sends Sheamus to the floor though and a backdrop puts Cesaro down as well. That’s finally enough for the hot tag to Shane and it’s bad punches a go-go. A DDT gets two on Sheamus and Shane loads up Coast To Coast to both of them at once. Cesaro pulls him out of the air and into the Swing though and it’s a rather long one this time.

Since it was just a really long Swing, Shane is right back with a triangle choke. Sheamus makes a save and it’s the spike White Noise for two, with no one making the save. Well you knew he was going to kick out of at least one finisher. Miz is back in to save Shane from the Brogue Kick, which hits Cesaro by mistake. The shooting star press finishes Cesaro for the titles at 13:23.

Rating: C. It’s every complaint about a Shane match that you could find: he’s pushed too hard, he looks ready to explode from hyperventilating after about eighteen seconds and he kicks out of a big finisher. Oh and now he’s a champion, naturally getting the pin in the process. It had already gotten bad and it was only going to get worse from here.

Shane and Miz celebrate with Papa Mizanin as the announcers get to praise Shane a bit.

Cole announces the attendance and Meltzer has a correction out immediately.

We recap Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks. Rousey wants to see Banks get fired up and is ready to show us the difference between a Boss and a champion. Sasha promised to prove how good she was and made Natalya tap in a tag match on Monday. Graves: “It’s one thing to make Natalya submit.” Nice little unintentional insult there.

Sasha isn’t concerned about keeping her emotions in check. Tonight, she’s proving that she’s the best in the world.

Raw Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Ronda Rousey

Rousey is defending and goes straight for the armbar but Banks armdrags her right back down. A springboard armdrag doesn’t work that well and Rousey mocks Banks’ pose. Rousey tries her own Three Amigos but Banks blocks the third, only to have to go to the ropes to avoid an armbar. A kick to the ribs puts Banks on the floor but Rousey punches the post by mistake.

That lets Banks hit a suicide dive to put Rousey down for a change. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Banks hits the running knees in the corner instead. Back up and Rousey hits a running elbow to the face for two so Banks hits a running knee of her own for the same. Rousey shrugs it off and loads up Piper’s Pit but gets reversed into a nasty armbar, complete with some finger bending.

Banks switches over into the Bank Statement but it’s broken up in a hurry. Now Piper’s Pit can connect and Rousey armbars her over the ropes. Rousey goes up but gets superplexed right back down so Banks can go back to the armbar. You don’t do that to Rousey, who rolls Banks over with some judo throws. They go outside with Rousey grabbing the armbar in full to make Banks tap.

Back in and Rousey hammers away in the corner but Banks gets in a shot of her own for the double knockdown. The armbar is broken up again and another Piper’s Pit is countered into a crossbody. The Bank Statement goes on until Banks switches to a Fujiwara armbar. Rousey rolls out and gutwrench suplexes the heck out of her, setting up another Piper’s Pit for the pin at 13:49.

Rating: B. This took time to get going but they were rolling at the end. Rousey was such a freak of nature as she probably hadn’t had 25 matches by this point (certainly not 10 big ones) and was going back and forth with one of the best around on the big stage. The battle of the submissions attempts worked well here and I got way into this all over again.

Post match they do a left handed handshake since Banks’ arm is wrecked. Banks does hold up the Horsewomen sign though because she isn’t the nicest loser in the world.

We recap the Kickoff Show. We’re so lucky.

John Cena has been injured and won’t be participating in the Royal Rumble. He was totally and really here and everything though. Honest. Braun Strowman is replacing him.

Beth Phoenix joins commentary.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Lacey Evans (making her main roster in-ring debut, save for a random Main Event match) is in at #1, meaning she needs to introduce herself. Natalya is in at #2 and Lacey runs the ropes to start. Neither can hit a dropkick and Lacey can’t quite do a nip up. A clothesline can’t get rid of Natalya and she reverses a powerbomb with a hurricanrana. Natalya hits the discus lariat as Mandy Rose is in at #3, sending Graves over the edge all over again.

Another discus lariat drops Mandy and it’s the double Sharpshooter, which Graves says is like the even more stuffed Oreos. Liv Morgan is in at #4 and is out in less than ten seconds. Lacey and Mandy start double teaming Natalya but Lacey sends Mandy into the corner for the double Bronco Buster. Mickie James is in at #5, giving us the first non-blonde. House is cleaned in a hurry until Mickie has to save herself from being tossed by Mandy. Ember Moon is in at #6 and gets to clean house as well. No one can eliminate anyone else and it’s Billie Kay in at #7.

She’s fine with staying on the floor though, saying she’s going to wait for Peyton Royce to go in. More non-eliminations continue and it’s Nikki Cross in at #8 (Graves: “Batten down the hatches.” I really need to find out what hatches are and what it means to batten something.). She runs over Billie at ringside and then dives onto everyone else inside. Mandy and Nikki have a weird showdown with Nikki getting the better of it. Billie is inside now and get beaten up as well because she isn’t great on her own. Peyton Royce is in at #9 and it’s IIconics time. The team beats down Nikki and it’s time to fight on the ropes some more.

Tamina is in at #10, giving us Lacey, Natalya, Mandy, Mickie, Ember, Billie, Nikki Peyton and Tamina, meaning the ring is too full. Tamina gets to wreck people until Nikki gets to have another not that interesting staredown. A dropkick and tackle put Tamina through the ropes but she’s right back in with a kick to Nikki’s face. Mickie low bridges Tamina to the apron but she comes back in with the Superfly Splash to Nikki. A superkick gets rid of Mickie and it’s Xia Li in at #11.

Li kicks away at a lot of people but gets knocked down by Tamina. Sarah Logan, in Braveheart paint, is in at #12 as the ring is full and the crowd is dead. Ember has to hang on by her feet but pulls herself back in (finally a reaction) and the IIconics get rid of Cross. Charlotte is in at #13 and PLEASE get rid of some people. She gets jumped on the way in but everyone is fought off in a hurry. Lacey eliminates both IIconics at once and Charlotte kicks Li out to finally clear the ring a bit. Charlotte and Tamina have a staredown (NO ONE CARES ABOUT TAMINA!!!) and Charlotte gets rocked by a superkick.

Kairi Sane is in at #14 and she runs to the ring while looking through a telescope because of course she does. Charlotte gets rid of Tamina as Sane dives in. Charlotte chops Sane down but she’s right back up with the Insane Elbow to Logan. That’s enough to get rid of Sarah and it’s Maria Kanellis in at #15. She breaks up a staredown between Charlotte and Lacey, including a double bulldog. Charlotte is back up with a spear to Maria, who apparently doesn’t belong in this ring.

Naomi is in at #16 and that wakes the crowd up a bit. Mandy sends Naomi to the apron but gets backdropped out, only to pull Naomi to the floor. The feet don’t touch so Naomi backflips onto the barricade, tightrope walks across, and does a crazy athletic jump from the barricade to the steps. And then Mandy pulls her off the steps for the elimination anyway in a great heel move. Charlotte kicks Lacey out and it’s Candice LeRae in at #17. Candice Black Widows Ember but it’s broken up in a hurry.

Natalya powerbombs Charlotte out of the corner and it’s Alicia Fox in at #18 (I had almost forgotten about her.). Maria wants to be friends with Alicia so they beat up Sane. Alicia puts her captain’s hat on Maria before stopping to dance. Maria throws it on the ground and stomps on it….sending Alicia into a fit. She’s back up to eliminate Maria though as Kacy Catanzaro is in at #19 and starts with the hurricanranas. A slingshot version puts Alicia on the apron but she skins the cat to come back in.

Zelina Vega is in at #20, giving us Natalya, Moon, Charlotte, Sane, Candice, Alicia, Catanzaro and Vega. Candice and Vega slug it out as fallout from Andrade vs. Johnny Gargano but they slow down, meaning it’s yet another lull. Ruby Riott is in at #21 and has Logan and Morgan with her so all three pull Charlotte to the floor for some triple teaming. Fox gets the same treatment and Vega rolls to the floor to hide underneath the ring.

Riott throws Fox back inside and then eliminates her, followed by a powerbomb into the barricade for LeRae and another elimination. Dana Brooke is in at #22 and hits a weird looking sitout powerbomb on Catanzaro. Now the Squad pulls Brooke to the floor (I really can’t stand this whole people being on the floor but not eliminated deal as it makes things more confusing than they need to be) and Riott eliminates Sane. Io Shirai is in at #23 and dropkicks the Squad down, setting up the big moonsault to the floor (she was never in so it’s not an elimination).

Shirai and Riott go over the top to the apron for a slugout but they both get back in. Rhea Ripley is in at #24 but the star power hasn’t started for her just yet. She wrecks things a bit until Moon takes her down with a wheelbarrow faceplant. Brooke kicks Catanzaro to the floor but she holds her legs up, hand walks to the post, flips up to it and climbs back in to blow away Naomi’s save. Ripley blocks Catanzaro’s spinning DDT though and tosses her out for real.

Sonya Deville is in at #25 and spears Moon down but Brooke hits her with a shoulder. Brooke enziguris Ripley but gets sent to the apron and dropkicked out. Vega leans from under the ring to laugh at Brooke….and here’s freaking Hornswoggle to chase Vega back inside. That doesn’t last long as Ripley throws her out, with Hornswoggle chasing Vega to the back. Alexa Bliss is in at #26 to a MAJOR pop in her first match since September. The moonsault knees to the ribs hit Moon but Sonya pounds Bliss down in the corner. Bliss is right back by sending her to the apron though and a right hand gets rid of Sonya.

Bayley is in at lucky #27 and gets her own house cleaning segment, including a clothesline to get rid of Riott. That’s not all though as she knocks Ripley out as well as Lana is in at #28. Well not in really as she can barely walk due to her ankle injury from earlier. The trainer comes out to check on her in the aisle as Shirai saves herself from an elimination. Lana is still being checked on as Nia Jax is in at #29, only to jump Lana in the aisle for a bonus.

Fit Finlay comes out to tell her to go to the ring and it’s time for the giant to wreck some people. Shirai makes the mistake of trying a moonsault and gets knocked out in a hurry. Natalya somehow gets Jax up for a fireman’s carry but can’t do anything else with it and gets eliminated after 56 minutes. Carmella is in at #30 (an honor she won in Mixed Match Challenge), giving us a final group of Moon, Charlotte, Bliss, Bayley, Lana, Jax and Carmella, though Lana hasn’t gotten anywhere near the ring.

Carmella gets in a dropkick on Moon but Jax runs her over. Hold on though as Lana is still down so here’s Becky Lynch to say she wants the spot instead. Finlay says do it and the fans are WAY into this again. Becky gets the long awaited showdown with Jax but Charlotte breaks it up and sends Becky to the apron. That doesn’t work either and it’s Becky coming back in with a missile dropkick to Jax. Bliss goes after Moon and pulls her to the apron by the hair (freaking ow man) and then chokeshoves her out after a rather ridiculous 53 minutes.

Carmella hits a Bronco Buster on Bliss and there’s a Buckle Bomb from Bayley. Carmella and Bayley team up to throw Bliss out so Jax clotheslines them both. Charlotte saves Becky from Jax’s facebreaker so Carmella gives Becky a Downward Spiral instead. For some reason Charlotte goes up top so Carmella tries a running headscissors, only to get sent to the apron.

That lasts all of two seconds but Charlotte puts her out there again and a big boot gets us down to four (Bayley, Jax, Charlotte and Becky). Bayley dropkicks Charlotte and Jax against the ropes but Jax is right back with a big boot to eliminate Bayley, leaving us with three. The three way showdown is on with Jax splashing both of them in the corner. That sends Becky to the floor (not out) and it’s a Charlotte vs. Jax showdown that is a little more interesting than it sounds.

Something like a slow motion AA has Jax in trouble but Charlotte can’t follow up. Charlotte gets her onto the apron and Becky pulls her out, leaving us with Charlotte vs. Becky in the rivalry that won’t end. Hold on though as Jax shoves Becky off the steps and we have a knee injury. Referees check on her but Becky pulls herself back in for the fight. Well kind of at least as Becky falls straight back down as soon as she’s inside.

Becky says it’s her time and Charlotte has already taken enough from her. Charlotte, obviously, goes right after the knee but Becky kicks her in the face. She sends Charlotte to the apron but another kick to the leg cuts off the rally. Charlotte misses a charge though and a forearm sends Becky to Wrestlemania at 1:11:23.

Rating: D+. The Becky parts made it better but WOW this was badly laid out. There were far too many instances of people just standing around and doing nothing with several people staying in there too long. Ember for 52 minutes? Natalya for 56? Mandy Rose for nearly 26? You don’t need everyone in there for that long and it’s ok to come up with something other than “everyone stays on the ropes while two people do something in the middle” over and over. They got the right winner but it was a heck of a chore to get there.

Becky can barely stand but is very pleased with the results. The celebration goes on for a LONG time.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Bryan turned heel to steal the title and became the crazy environmentalist so, after losing to Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series, it’s time for a (second) rematch. AJ is out to show that he isn’t complacent, which included attacking Vince McMahon in a story that went nowhere.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

AJ is challenging. We get the Big Match Intros and AJ hammers him down in the corner so the champ bails for a bit. Back in and they fight on the mat for a bit with AJ’s wristlock not getting him very far. A headlock works a bit better as the first gear work continues. Bryan bails to the floor again but comes back in….to get punched in the face. An uppercut puts Styles in the corner and he gets dropped chest first onto the post to give Bryan a target.

Bryan starts in on the shoulder and cranks on a hammerlock on the mat with Styles having to use his foot to reach a rope. A cross armbreaker is broken up as well so Bryan punches him in the face to even the score. AJ scores with a dropkick and the pinfall reversal sequence gets some near falls each. Bryan tosses him hard into the corner and that means the running dropkick.

A dragon suplex has AJ (with his bloody nose) rocked again and Bryan kicks him off the top and out to the floor. Bryan goes out after him but it’s the moonsault off the barricade into the perfect reverse DDT (that’s one of the best he’s ever hit). Back in and the springboard 450 hits Bryan’s knees, meaning the LeBell Lock goes on. Not to be outdone, AJ escapes and reverses into the Calf Crusher to stay on the knee.

That’s broken up as well and they’re both down for a bit. Bryan gets up first and kicks away at the arm, setting up the big kick to the head for two. AJ catches him on top and they slug it out up there, with Styles backflipping out of a belly to back superplex. The Calf Crusher goes on again before AJ switches to a cradle for two instead. Neither can get a backslide so AJ grabs a brainbuster for two more.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up with a kick to the arm but AJ kicks him away. The bad arm means he can’t use the regular springboard so he tries another version, only to get kicked out of the air again. They’re both down again…so here’s Erick Rowan of all people. Bryan knocks the referee down by mistake though, allowing Rowan to come in with a claw slam to Styles so Bryan can retain at 24:33.

Rating: B+. I’m not wild on the ending but you can’t have AJ lose a clean fall here. They were working a heck of a match here with both of them going with their own style and having the other broken down. I don’t particularly care for Rowan interfering, but he and Bryan would wind up being a nice enough team so well done, even if it wasn’t the best feeling at the time.

Post match Rowan holds AJ up for the running knee from Bryan so things can continue.

We recap Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar for the Raw World Title in a match hyped up as David vs. Goliath. Balor is small but can do extraordinary stuff so he wants to fight Lesnar. This isn’t the Demon for reasons of Balor wanting to do it himself, even though the Demon IS Balor, meaning the whole thing doesn’t make a lot of sense. Or they just don’t want Lesnar losing because that wouldn’t be very Lesnarish.

Raw World Title: Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and we get the Big Match Intros. Balor dropkicks him at the bell to start and another running dropkick sends him into the corner. The first belly to belly cuts him off in a hurry though and we settle down for the first time. Another belly to belly on the floor rocks Balor again and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table.

Balor sends him ribs first into the corner of said table though and he does it again for painful measure. Brock can barely stand up as he throws Balor back inside for the shoulders in the corner. Another belly to belly has Balor flying but Lesnar is wincing a bit. Lesnar gets in yet another suplex but this time Balor is up with a Sling Blade. That’s it for the offense though as Lesnar BLASTS him with a clothesline.

Lesnar can’t hit a German suplex though as the stomach gives out. The F5 is countered into a DDT and Balor gets smart by stomping at the ribs. The big flip dive to the floor puts Lesnar down again and Balor hits a second for good measure. A third flip dive takes Lesnar down again but Renee says we’re having a new champion to end Balor’s hopes. Back in and Balor kicks him in the face, setting up the Coup de Grace for two, with Lesnar spinning into the Kimura on the kickout, making Balor tap at 8:36.

Rating: C+. Well that was short. They had some moments in there but at the same time, Lesnar wasn’t exactly doing much for the first half of the match. It got better once he was selling but there are only so many things you can do in less than nine minutes. The stuff with Lesnar’s stomach being messed up was enough to go somewhere, but this was only so good.

Post match Lesnar beats Balor up a few more times. This is something else that went nowhere.

Jerry Lawler and JBL join commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals again and Elias is in at #1, meaning it’s time for a song. Well make that insulting Phoenix until he’s interrupted by Jeff Jarrett of all people at #2. Jeff gets to strut and say ain’t I great as Elias is rather pleased by being interrupted by someone who brings something to the table. For now though, they need to sing together. And yes, they really are doing this three hours and forty minutes into a show with an hour long match to go. Jeff goes to spell his name so Elias hits him in the face to get things going.

Elias hammers away on the ropes and hits a clothesline so he can get in another catchphrase. A guitar shot to the back is enough to get rid of Jeff. Shinsuke Nakamura, last year’s winner, is in at #3 and he wastes no time in kicking Elias down. For some reason Elias goes up top for Old School, though it’s just an armdrag instead of a shot to the back. Kurt Angle is in at #4 to a big reaction and he starts in with the suplexes. Elias gets him in the corner though and it’s Big E. in at #5, with his gear including Kofi’s best Rumble moments. That’s rather cool….I think.

The Warrior Splash hits Nakamura but an Angle Slam takes Big E. down. Nakamura is back up with the running knee to Angle’s ribs and another running knee gets rid of Kurt. Honestly, it’s better to have him out that fast before he hurts himself again. Johnny Gargano is in at #6 and gets to clean house on Nakamura and Big E. The slingshot spear cuts Elias down and it’s Jinder Mahal in at #7. After he knocks everyone down, Gargano knocks Mahal out in about thirty seconds. The Singh Brothers get beaten up for a bonus and now it’s back to something that actually matters.

Samoa Joe is in at #8, just as Nakamura is surrounded in the corner. Elias gets kicked down and Joe just walks away from Gargano’s middle rope dive (that will always be cool). Joe dumps Big E. and it’s Curt Hawkins in at #9, still in the middle of his horrible losing streak. Hawkins gets in a few shots but bails to the floor in what is probably a smart move. The fans get behind Hawkins, even as Joe grabs him in the Koquina Clutch. For some reason Elias breaks that up and Hawkins bails to the floor again, this time hiding underneath the ring.

Seth Rollins is in at #10, giving us Elias, Nakamura, Gargano, Samoa Joe, Hawkins and Rollins. The springboard clotheslines hits Elias and there’s the Falcon Arrow to Gargano. Elias gets sent to the apron and then into the post for the elimination. It’s Titus O’Neil in at #11 and he crosses himself before charging to the ring, only to stop himself before getting to the apron in a funny moment. Titus sees Hawkins hiding underneath the ring and chases him inside, only to be eliminated almost immediately. Joe throws Hawkins out a second later to end the harmless comedy segment.

With the ring a little more cleared out, Kofi Kingston is in at #12 and things settle down a bit. As everyone fights by the ropes, Mustafa Ali is in at #13. Joe is waiting on him so Ali scores with a dropkick, only to get grabbed by Nakamura. That’s fine with Ali, who slips over the back and tells Nakamura to COME ON. Nakamura does just that and gets tossed out by Ali in quite the upset. Ali isn’t done either as he hits a tornado DDT on Gargano, only to get planted by Joe. Dean Ambrose, still in his pretty disastrous heel run, is in at #14 and goes right at it with Rollins, as expected.

With that broken up, Dean sends Kofi over the top but Kofi keeps one foot off the ground and rolls over to the steps to save himself. That’s not as good as his others, but maybe he’s crashing underneath the expectations. Kingston comes back in with a DDT to Dean, who is right back up to get rid of Gargano. No Way Jose, with the Conga Line, is in at #15 and Joe literally eliminates him in two seconds. No worries though as he and the Conga Line dance to the back as that was quite the use of an entrance.

Drew McIntyre is in at #16 and headbutts Jose for dancing too close to him. After cleaning some house, Joe and McIntyre slug it out for the hoss fight. The Claymore drops Joe and there’s one for Rollins as well as Xavier Woods is in at #17. As he is coming in, Kofi is knocked off the apron but sunset flips Woods, allowing him to keep one foot up.

Woods stands up with Kofi on his back (Cole to JBL: “I remember when you and Ron used to do this.”) and walks over to the steps for the real save of the year. Then McIntyre eliminates Woods and Kingston a second later because this show doesn’t like fun to last too long (completely appropriate for McIntyre of course). Pete Dunne is in at #18 and that gets a nice reaction. Dunne goes after Joe and Graves is rather pleased with everything going on at the moment.

Ali hangs on after being thrown to the apron and it’s Andrade in at #19. Andrade goes after Dunne in a match that sounds rather interesting indeed. With no one close to an elimination, Apollo Crews is in at #20, giving us Joe, Rollins, Ali, Ambrose, McIntyre, Dunne, Andrew and Apollo. McIntyre is sent to the apron and it’s Aleister Black (without the riser) in at #21. He goes right after Dunne in another match that sounds awesome (it’s almost like Dunne is great or something) but switches to Ambrose, with Black Mass connecting for the elimination.

Shelton Benjamin is in at #22 and goes at it with Crews for the athletic freak off. Crews saves himself from being eliminated as Shelton gets Koquina Clutched. That’s broken up and Ali dumps Joe in an upset. Baron Corbin is in at #23, fresh from his shift at *insert restaurant joke of the day here*. Deep Six drops Ali but he hangs onto the rope so Corbin knocks out Crews instead. Black and McIntyre slug it out and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #24 to keep the talent field high.

The Twisting Stunner hits Shelton and the Whisper in the Wind hits several people at the same time. Dunne bends Black’s fingers and Corbin tosses Black, followed by McIntyre doing the same to Dunne to clear some space. Rey Mysterio is in at #25 and charges into a chokebreaker from Corbin. With everyone fighting by the ropes, it’s Intercontinental Champion Bobby Lashley in at #26…and Rollins eliminates him in about fifteen seconds. How many times do they need to do that in one match?

Lashley pulls Rollins, who low bridged him out, to the floor and beats the heck out of him to let off some steam. Rollins is spinebustered through the announcers’ table and it’s Braun Strowman in at lucky #27 for a possible (though unlikely) winner. Strowman knocks Corbin out in a hurry and there goes Benjamin a few seconds later. McIntyre dumps Hardy as Dolph Ziggler, his recent rival, is in at #28. That means a superkick to get rid of McIntyre and it’s Randy Orton in at #29 for the slow walk to the ring.

Strowman is right there for the showdown and the RKO is blocked in a hurry. Andrade loads up a superplex on Ali, so Strowman puts them BOTH on his shoulders with Mysterio diving off the top to take them down in your HOW CAN HE DO THAT spot of the match. R-Truth (also here because of the Mixed Match Challenge) is in at #30….but hang on as Nia Jax of all people jumps him from behind to take his spot, continuing the near trolling levels of a push. That gives us a final group of Rollins, Ali, Andrade, Orton, Strowman, Ziggler, Orton and Jax.

Nia gets to wreck some people and Ali is out in a hurry after a surprising thirty plus minutes. Orton stares Jax down but can’t hit the surprise RKO attempt, earning himself a shoulder down. Jax tells Rey to go for the 619 on Orton but cuts him off, only to get superkicked by Ziggler. The 619 hits Jax and Orton connects with the RKO, setting up a baseball slide from Mysterio to get rid of her.

Orton tosses Mysterio and Andrade dumps Orton, leaving us with Ziggler, Andrade, and Rollins and Strowman on the floor. Strowman comes back in and splashes Andrade and Ziggler in the corners to send them outside again. Hold on though as Strowman needs to go to the floor again to run Rollins over.

Everyone goes after Strowman in a 2004 flashback but he gets rid of Andrade and Ziggler. Rollins uses the momentum to put him on the apron but charges into a chokeslam. Back in and Rollins grabs a guillotine to pull Strowman to the apron and sends him into the post. A kick to the ribs sets up the Stomp on the apron to get rid of Strowman to give Rollins the win at 57:34.

Rating: B. This was much more like it with a nice mix of brawling, comedy, action and an only somewhat guaranteed winner. I know you can’t really hide the fact that someone is a shoe in winner but it’s nice to see them at least giving it a little bit more drama. Rollins winning made sense here as he had been on fire for the last year and needed something like this. Good Rumble, though there have been a lot better.

SIGN POINTING, yes I said SIGN POINTING, ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I’m curious to see how this one holds up against the original rating as the length was driving me crazy this time around. There is a lot of good stuff on here but EGADS it’s a two hour Kickoff Show and then four hours and forty minutes of the main show. You really needed to have the weird Tag Team Title deal on the Kickoff Show and then put Miz and Shane on the main show? That, plus Bryan vs. Styles, could have been on a big Smackdown at worst and this show could have been trimmed down by 45 minutes.

The only bad thing on here is the women’s Royal Rumble, but when that one match is nearly an hour and fifteen minutes long, it has quite the negative impact on the rest of the show. The men’s match makes up for it and the card is much better than worse, but they really, really need to stop with these shows getting close to (or over in Wrestlemania’s case) seven hours. It doesn’t matter how good it is. If you’re going three hours over the length of Wrestlemania X7, the time is going to cause a lot of problems. Anyway, good show, which could have been great with a big editing job.

Ratings Comparison

Chad Gable/Bobby Roode vs. Scott Dawson/Rezar

Original: D+

2020 Redo: D+

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev

Original: C

2020 Redo: C-

Buddy Murphy vs. Hideo Itami vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Kalisto

Original: C+

2020 Redo: B-

Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

Original: B+

2020 Redo: B+

The Bar vs. Shane McMahon/The Miz

Original: D

2020 Redo: C

Sasha Banks vs. Ronda Rousey

Original: B+

2020 Redo: B

Women’s Royal Rumble

Original: B

2020 Redo: D+

AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: C-

2020 Redo: B+

Brock Lesnar vs. Finn Balor

Original: C+

2020 Redo: C+

Men’s Royal Rumble

Original: D

2020 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2020 Redo: B-

WOW. I was actually shocked by the original ratings of those Rumbles and the Styles vs. Bryan match. I’ve mellowed a lot since then as the show really isn’t that bad.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/01/28/royal-rumble-2019-i-almost-had-a-birthday-watching-this-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2019
Date: January 27, 2019
Location: Chase Field, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

It’s the first of the Big Four pay per views and that means it’s time to really get going with the busiest season of the year. In this case that means a pair of Royal Rumble matches, which may or may not have the highest levels of drama. I’m not sure who we’ll be seeing tonight, but it could be interesting. Let’s get to it.

The stadium looks huge, though it doesn’t look full.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode/Chad Gable vs. Rezar/Scott Dawson

THIS NEEDED TO BE ADDED TO THE SHOW??? If Rezar and Dawson win, both of their teams get future title shots. Akam is injured at the moment in case this is even more confusing than it seems. As a bonus, the cameraman falls over while trying to get a closeup of Roode during his entrance. Roode and Dawson start things off with Scott getting caught in a wristlock. It’s back to Gable but Rezar comes in to hammer away with the heavy forearms.

With Gable properly beaten, Dawson comes in for a suplex, followed by a chinlock. That’s rather old school of him. Back up and they slug it out until a shove into the ropes sends Gable head first into Dawson, meaning a double knockdown. Rezar comes in but gets caught in the armbreaker over the ropes. Everything breaks down and Dawson runs into Rezar by mistake, setting up the moonsault/neckbreaker combination to finish Dawson at 6:55.

Rating: D+. Well that was a distinct waste of time. The match was added to the card as a bonus and the not exactly interesting champions defeated their makeshift challengers, as in the team they should beat, without much effort. So much for having the Revival get somewhere out of all their recent drama, at least for one night. You couldn’t possibly have Rezar lose here you see. He doesn’t have a partner at the moment, but it makes more sense to beat half of the Revival. Again.

Kickoff Show: US Title: Rusev vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Rusev is defending and goes straight with the corner shoulders to the ribs. A running clothesline puts Nakamura on the floor but he gets in a shot against the barricade to take over. Back in and some Bad Vibrations set up the running knee to the ribs as they’re doing just about the same match (at least the same pace) as before. The knees to the head don’t do too much damage to Rusev as he’s right back with the spinwheel kick for two.

Nakamura bails to the floor so Rusev loads up a suicide dive (!), which is cut off by a kick to the head. Well thank goodness for that. Nakamura fires off more kicks to the head for a near fall but Rusev ax handles him down. You don’t see that one very often, but you do see the Machka Kick, which makes it even worse.

Rusev gets caught in a triangle choke until a suplex finally gets him out of trouble. Nakamura kicks him down again so the referee checks on Rusev, allowing Nakamura to go after the turnbuckle pad. It’s Lana offering a distraction but she gets knocked off the apron and hurts her ankle. Rusev is distracted again, and this time a running knee to the back of the head gives Nakamura the title back at 10:15.

Rating: C. I’m so glad they gave Rusev the title so they could give it back to Nakamura to restart his nothing reign. That title is the kiss of death at the moment with no one getting anything out of it. It’s not like either of them being champion means anything more than the other, but this is kind of a confusing choice.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Buddy Murphy vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Kalisto vs. Hideo Itami

Murphy is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Everyone goes for rollups to start but can’t get anywhere so Tozawa puts Murphy in a Black Widow. Kalisto makes a save and snaps off a hurricanrana to send Murphy outside. Itami starts cleaning house and wins a strike off with Murphy, followed by knocking Kalisto outside.

Tozawa’s dive takes Murphy out but Kalisto gets back in to clean house, including monkey flipping Tozawa off the apron onto Murphy. This time it’s Tozawa heading back inside to take over, capped off by the suicide headbutt on Itami. Buddy is back up with the running flip dive to the floor onto all three. Kalisto is up first with a hurricanrana driver for two on Murphy as the all over the place offense continues.

Murphy powerbombs Kalisto out of the corner for the same with Tozawa having to make a save. The Salida Del Sol gets a VERY close two on Itami but Murphy takes over again. It’s Itami hitting an enziguri on Murphy so Tozawa and Kalisto break it up with stereo superkicks. Murphy is right back up and countering whatever Itami’s finisher is supposed to be, setting up Murphy’s Law to retain at 12:07.

Rating: C+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be with a bunch of spots and all kinds of entertainment going on. It didn’t need to be anything more than a fast paced spotfest and that’s what they did here. Murphy retaining is fine and I liked the match well enough. It also didn’t overstay its welcome, which is often a problem with a match like this. Good stuff here.

The opening video looks at what the Rumble means, both as a show and as a match itself. This includes some history of the match, meaning some comedy, which doesn’t really fit with the serious nature of the video.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

Asuka is defending after taking the title from Becky in a triple threat match last month. Becky gets shoved down as there’s a rather loud high pitched noise. Back up and Asuka kicks the leg out but gets hip attacked out to the floor. Asuka misses the running kick off the apron and gets her own leg kicked out to put Becky in control for the first time. Back in and Becky sends her face first into the corner before stomping away for good measure. It’s too early for the arm but Asuka misses the running hip attack and gets caught in the ropes.

That’s fine though as it’s the Asuka Lock from the ropes for a few seconds. The missing continues though as Asuka goes shoulder first into the post, setting up a Disarm-Her in the ropes. Becky dives into a knee to the face though and the hip attack connects for two. The missile dropkick misses and Becky gets her own two off a bell to belly. Asuka is right back with most of an Asuka Lock, allowing Becky to roll to the ropes.

They fight to the apron and it’s a fisherman’s neckbreaker (I think) Asuka onto the floor for a huge (and scary looking) crash. They’re both alive and get back in for the slugout with Becky getting the better of it. Asuka gets caught in a super Bexploder for a very close two as the fans are getting way into these near falls.

Becky misses the middle rope legdrop though and gets pulled into the Disarm-Her, which is reversed into an Asuka Lock (on Asuka) for a pretty sweet sequence that you don’t see from the women. Asuka flips back for two and there’s the big kick to the head. Becky pulls her down into the Disarm-Her but this time it’s Asuka escaping. The full Asuka Lock goes on and Asuka flips forward into something close to Cattle Mutilation for the clean tap at 16:37.

Rating: B+. Very good match here with some crazy counters, though having Becky tap clean feels like a bad idea. I fully expect her to come back in and win the Rumble for the title shot, but this was a great example of WWE booking themselves into a corner. This could have been Charlotte losing instead and giving Asuka her win back from Wrestlemania, but instead they take something away from Becky before she’s likely winning later in the night, or at Elimination Chamber. Just seems unnecessary.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Shane McMahon/The Miz vs. The Bar

Shane and Miz are challenging in matching baseball jerseys. Shane takes Sheamus down at the bell because that’s what you do to a four time World Champion. We officially start with Cesaro vs. Miz as Miz can’t get a Skull Crushing Finale. The double teaming begins in the corner so it’s Shane running over for a quick save. Shane gets knocked off the apron (I think that’s enough to make Sheamus a five time World Champion) but he’s right back to save Miz from a powerbomb through the announcers’ table.

The big elbow is broken up so Shane hits a top rope clothesline on Sheamus instead. Cesaro uppercuts him in the face though and the double backbreaker gets two on Miz. Sheamus hits a middle rope knee to the chest for the same and it’s off to the ten forearms to the chest for a bonus. Miz fights out of a chinlock as this is somehow still going. The hot tag brings in Shane for the umping elbow to Sheamus and the horrible spinning DDT on Cesaro. Coast to Coast is broken up by Cesaro so Shane knocks him into the corner as well.

Since Shane can beat up one of the most successful tag teams of the modern era on his own. Thankfully Cesaro counters into the Swing, and it’s a LONG one with the fans giving him a quick standing ovation. Shane is fine of course and grabs what was supposed to be a triangle choke until Sheamus makes the save. Miz gets dropped on the floor and the spike White Noise, which pinned Seth Rollins last year, gets two. Miz breaks up the Brogue Kick so it takes out Cesaro instead, setting up Shane’s shooting star press for the pin and the titles at 13:23.

Rating: D. Not only was the match boring, but Shane McMahon just won a title in 2019. This is also the second stupid title loss for the Bar in less than a year after they lost to a ten year old at Wrestlemania. I’m sure they’ll get the titles back, but my goodness what is the point in this? To set up Shane vs. Miz at Wrestlemania? Is that what anyone wants to see?

We recap Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks. Rousey tried to be nice to Banks but Sasha got serious and promised to make Rousey tap. That was enough to set Rousey off and we have a fired up champ.

Raw Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks

Rousey is defending. It’s way too early for the submissions so Rousey throws her into the corner and stops for some taunting. Rousey goes for Three Amigos but has to slip out of a Bank Statement attempt. Back up and Banks slaps her in the face, earning herself a kick to the ribs. They fight outside with Rousey punching the post, allowing Banks to hit a heck of a suicide dive. Things finally slow down a bit with Rousey grabbing a chinlock until Banks shoves her into the corner for some running knees.

An elbow to the face puts Banks down but she comes back up with some loud slaps to the back. The Rope walk sets up a Codebreaker to the bad arm and a running knee gets two. More running knees miss in the corner so Rousey tries Piper’s Pit, only to be reversed into a heck of an armbar on the bad arm. Rousey starts to roll out but gets pulled into the Bank Statement. It’s too close to the ropes though and now Piper’s Pit connects.

For some reason Rousey goes up top, earning herself a superplex for two. The armbar goes on again as you can’t say Banks isn’t focused. Rousey is all fired up and hits three straight judo throws by the arm. Banks sends her outside again though and Rousey’s arm is just hanging there. Another suicide dive is countered into the Beast Mode armbar on the floor to make Sasha tap, which didn’t make a ton of sense but looked awesome as you got the Death Stare.

Back in and Rousey unloads with right hands and a running knee of her own for two. Banks sends her arm first into the corner again though and it’s a double stomp onto the arm. The Backstabber is countered into an armbar attempt but another Piper’s Pit is countered into a crossbody for two. The Bank Statement can’t quite go on so it’s a Fujiwara armbar in the middle of the ring. Rousey rolls out of that as well and it’s a gutwrench suplex into Piper’s Pit for the pin at 13:48, though it looked like Rousey’s shoulders were down as well.

Rating: B+. I liked this even more than I was expecting to and it was a heck of a match. The arm stuff made sense and I’m glad they went with that instead of the back/ribs stuff that we’ve done a few times now. Banks looked more motivated than she has in years here and that’s not exactly surprising. As a bonus, Rousey was really showing off the athleticism here and made herself look even more talented than usual. Very good match and worth seeing.

Post match Rousey tries to show respect and gives her the Four Horsewomen sign but Banks isn’t having it and storms off.

Kickoff Show recap.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals. Beth Phoenix is out for commentary and it’s Lacey Evans in at #1 and gives a rather condescending promo about wanting to clean up the division. Natalya is in at #2, which is quite the letdown after that kind of a setup. Lacey flips away from Natalya to start but they both miss dropkicks at the same time. The nipup doesn’t quite work for Lacey and it’s a wristlock to keep her in trouble. A hurricanrana takes Natalya down though and it’s Mandy Rose in at #3.

Natalya is right back up and does the still ridiculous looking double Sharpshooter until Liv Morgan is in at #4….and is eliminated in about two seconds off a Natalya backdrop. Lacey turns on Mandy but stops to pull a napkin from her trunks and wipe down a bit before throwing it at the other two (make your own Priscilla Kelly jokes). Mickie James is in at #5 and kicks Natalya in the head. No one goes for an elimination until Ember Moon is in at #6 to a big reaction (complete with a CGI moon, making me want to play Major’s Mask). Moon gets in all the usual until Mandy catches her in the corner.

Billie Kay is in at #7 but says she’s staying outside until Peyton Royce is here. Smart move actually and perfectly legal. Nikki Cross is in at #8 and sprints to ringside where she beats up Kay. House is cleaned but Lacey manages to avoid getting thrown out. Kay is inside now as the ring is starting to get too full. Peyton Royce is in at #9 and helps Billie up to go after Nikki. Some double teaming keeps her in trouble but there’s no elimination as Tamina is in at #10.

We currently have Evans, Natalya, Rose, James, Moon, Kay, Cross, Royce and Tamina. Kay goes after Tamina and nearly gets thrown out, but instead Tamina goes after Cross and this the top rope splash. A superkick puts James out and it’s Xia Li (of the Mae Young Classic) in at #11. Some kicks to the head drop Tamina and even more put everyone else down. Xia stands tall as Sara Logan is in at #12. The IIconics get together and dumb Cross in a rather quick elimination.

Charlotte is in at #13 and you can tell things are getting serious. Li gets sent to the apron and booted out as the ring is suddenly a lot less full. Tamina scores with a superkick and it’s Kairi Sane in at #14. The IIconics seem to have been eliminated as Sane is having way too much fun with her telescope. Charlotte gets Tamina out and there’s the top rope forearm from Sane to Moon. Charlotte welcomes the chops from Sane, who moves on to knocking Logan down.

The Insane Elbow connects and Natalya knocks Logan out. Maria Kanellis is in at #15 to get us to halftime and hopefully write off some of the rumors about her leaving. A double bulldog has Charlotte and Moon down but for some reason Maria stops for a dance, allowing Charlotte to nail her with a spear. Naomi is in at #16 and hits a sitout jawbreaker on Rose, as you had to expect.

A suplex to the apron sets up a kick to the head and Mandy is out. Naomi takes her time on the apron though and gets powerbombed against the barricade, only to kick Mandy in the head and crawl up onto the barricade. The tightrope walk lets Naomi get around for a Kofi Kingston-esque dive to the steps (that was VERY impressive) but Mandy pulls her to the floor anyway. Charlotte kicks Evans out and it’s Candice LeRae in at #17 for another NXT surprise. A Black Widow has Ember in trouble but she comes back with a gutbuster to put Candice down.

Natalya powerbombs Charlotte out of the corner and it’s a dancing Alicia Fox at #18. Fox fires off dropkicks and Maria offers a friendship, which Fox can go with, at least for the time being. A dropkick to Sane sets up a DDT and it’s time to dance again. Maria hands Fox her captain’s hat, which goes on Maria’s head for a change. Maria STOMPS ON THE HAT though and Fox is furious…as she throws herself on the mat in a near fit. Yet another dropkick puts Maria out and Kacy Catanzaro (NXT) is in at #19.

Some headscissors let Kacy put some people down with one putting Fox onto the apron. Zelina Vega (as someone from Street Fighter) is in at #20, giving us Natalya, Moon, Charlotte, Sane, LeRae, Fox, Catanzaro and Vega. LeRae and Vega go at it as a followup from NXT and it’s Ruby Riott, flanked by Morgan and Logan, in at #21. The Squad pull people underneath the ropes to cause some chaos but do managed to eliminate Fox and LeRae as Vega is hiding underneath the ring.

Dana Brooke is in at #22 and hits a heck of a sitout powerbomb on Catanzaro. The Squad keeps pulling people outside without eliminating most of them as Io Shirai is in at #23. She beats up the Squad in short order and hits the moonsault to the floor (she was never in so it’s not an elimination).

Riott and Shirai fight to the apron and it’s Rhea Ripley in at #24. She throws Catanzaro to the floor but Catanzaro lands on her back, allowing her to backflip onto the barricade and then hand walk to the post, where she flips up and climbs back in. Ripley throws her out without much of a problem, but WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT AND WHY CAN SHE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT???

Sonya Deville is in at #25 and Brooke is eliminated as Vega keeps watching…..and Hornswoggle pops out from underneath the ring skirt next to her. The chase is on and Vega goes inside where she’s eliminated in short order. Alexa Bliss makes her return at #26 and moonsaults into double knees to Moon’s chest. A sunset bomb plants Charlotte and it’s Sonya unloading on Bliss in the corner. Bliss gets rid of Sonya and it’s Bayley (to a pop) at #27.

That means the pace can pick up and it’s Riott and Ripley being tossed out. Lana is in at #28 and selling the ankle from earlier in the night. The fans are begging for Becky to come out and take her place as Lana has taken over a minute to get about a third of the way to the ring. Nia Jax is in at #29 and jumps Lana on the way to the ring so I think you know where this is going. Shirai moonsault onto Jax but gets thrown outside, landing hard onto her ankle. Jax throws Natalya out as well and it’s Carmella in at #30, giving us a final field of Charlotte, Bayley, Jax, Sane, Moon, Bliss and maybe Lana, who never got in the ring.

With Carmella taking Jax down, here’s Becky to appeal to Fit Finlay (I call international collusion!) to let her take Lana’s spot. Finlay agrees and we have the final field. We get straight to the Becky vs. Jax showdown and Becky unloads on her to a freaking roar. Bliss pulls Moon to the apron and it’s a leg trip to get rid of Moon after 53 minutes. Bayley gives Bliss a buckle bomb and that’s enough for the elimination.

That leaves us with Bayley, Nia, Carmella, Charlotte and Becky. Jax gets knocked through the ropes and Charlotte reverses a running headscissors from Carmella but cant’ get rid of her. A running big boot knocks Carmella out and Bayley sends Charlotte to the apron. Nia throws Bayley out (with Bayley clutching her knee on the landing) to get us down to three. Becky rolls to the floor and Charlotte fireman’s carries Nia….nowhere actually.

Nia goes over the top and Becky pulls her out, leaving us with Charlotte vs. Becky, much to the fans’ approval. Nia pulls Becky off the apron though and we’ve got a knee injury. Becky charges inside anyway and gets her leg taken out rather quickly. Charlotte cranks on the leg but Becky pops up and sends her to the apron. A running shot is enough to get rid of Charlotte to give Becky the win at 1:11:23.

Rating: B. I think I liked this one more than last year’s. The winner was the predictable (not a bad thing) and right call, but the bigger deal here was the lack of legends. It’s a good sign that the divisions have grown enough that they can have one of these without having so many people added to the match from years past. The NXT women were a nice touch and the match never felt like it was dragging.

I wouldn’t mind for it to be a little less messy though, as there were too many people on the floor at various times and a few too many spots of people saving themselves. That being said, Catanzaro is not human and that save was incredible, likely more impressive than most of Kofi’s. The Hornswoggle spot was hilarious too and I’m very relieved that he was used for that instead of a Rumble entry. Good match here, as the division looks a lot deeper this year.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. Daniel Bryan turned heel back in November and won the title from Styles via a low blow. AJ Styles has turned it up a few notches though and is now the REAL AJ Styles again. This should be a heck of a match if given time, but it’s almost 10:00 and we have two World Title matches and a Royal Rumble to go.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is defending. AJ starts fast and slugs away but gets sent hard into the post for a trip to the floor. The shoulder is sent into the post again and it’s off to a hammerlock. Bryan seems very pleased with AJ possibly having a bloody nose and hammers away on the mat some more.

AJ gets back up with a suplex and right hands of his own, only to get suplexed onto the back of his head. Bryan gets sent outside for some kicks to the face as this is severely dragging. Back in and they trade submission finishers with AJ CRANKING on the leg in a painful looking visual. The rope is grabbed and Bryan kicks him down again. They head up top with AJ flipping out of a belly to back superplex before grabbing the Calf Crusher.

That’s broken up again but AJ gets kicked out of the air on a springboard attempt. Bryan takes the Pele though and they’re both down. Cue Erick Rowan of all people as they get back up, only to have Bryan enziguri the referee by mistake. The Styles Clash hits Bryan, drawing in Rowan to chokeslam Styles. The referee revives to count the pin as Bryan retains at 24:18.

Rating: C-. This is a good example of a match that wasn’t exactly great and didn’t need to take place at this point. It’s nearly 10:30 and we’re going to be lucky to finish this show by midnight. They’re already doing a rematch from Bryan pinning him clean and it was just to set up Rowan as Bryan’s enforcer. This wasn’t the right place and it came at the wrong time. It’s not bad, but it didn’t need to go this way.

We look at the big brawl after last night’s Takeover, which set up a six man tag during halftime of the Super Bowl.

We recap Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar. It’s literally billed as David vs. Goliath, with the much smaller Balor earning the shot when Braun Strowman lost his shot after destroying Vince McMahon’s limo. Balor seems to be in over his head but wants to fight, as is his custom.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Finn Balor

Balor is defending and charges straight at Lesnar at the bell. A few more shots have him in trouble but he catches a charge with a belly to belly. Balor wisely rolls outside with Brock following, only to get sent ribs first into the announcers’ table. Back in and it’s more belly to bellies to put Balor in more trouble.

A clothesline turns Balor inside out but Lesnar’s ribs are still banged up. Lesnar goes to finish with the F5, which is reversed into a hard DDT. Balor stomps away at the ribs and gets in a jumping double stomp. They head outside with Balor nailing the running flip dive as Lesnar is in trouble. Back in and the Coup de Grace connects for two, but Brock slaps on the Kimura for the tap at 8:37.

Rating: C+. This was good while it lasted but it was way too short and there was no way it was going to be much more without the extra time. Balor was game and trying with Lesnar doing his usual very good selling, but with less time than a Raw main event, there wasn’t much they could do.

Post match Balor hits some more German suplexes and an F5.

Jerry Lawler and JBL come out for commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

Elias is in at #1 and let’s have a song. Before he can sing though, it’s Jeff Jarrett in at #2 for the big music off. Jeff does his catchphrases and they agree to a duet but Elias punches him in the face and a guitar shot is enough to get rid of Jarrett. Shinsuke Nakamura is in at #3 and goes straight at Elias in the corner. Elias pops up with a rope walk as Kurt Angle is in at #4. Suplexed abound and it’s Big E. in at #5. The Big Ending to Big E. doesn’t work and it’s a bunch of knees, including one in the corner to get rid of Angle. Johnny Gargano is in at #6 and it’s a running hurricanrana on Elias.

A not great looking tornado DDT drops Big E., followed by the slingshot spear to Elias (Johnny must not like him). Jinder Mahal is in at #7 and after a few knees, is eliminated by Gargano. The Singh Brothers aren’t done though as they get dragged in for a beatdown from Elias and Big E. Samoa Joe is in at #8 and gets a rather strong reaction. The sidestep avoids Gargano’s middle rope kick to the face and a rake to the eyes is enough to get rid of Big E.

Curt Hawkins is in at #9, hits a forearm to Joe’s back, and then bails to the floor. For some reason he comes back in, only to walk into the Koquina Clutch. Elias makes a save so Hawkins can bail to the floor for some hiding underneath the ring. It’s Seth Rollins in at #10, giving us Elias, Nakamura, Gargano, Joe, Hawkins (underneath the ring) and Rollins. Seth gets rid of Elias in a hurry and it’s Titus O’Neil in at #11, complete with stopping to make sure he doesn’t slide underneath the ring.

Instead he sees Hawkins and goes after him underneath the ring, only to charge after him and get tossed in a hurry. Joe dumps Hawkins though and it’s Kofi Kingston in at #12. Rollins runs Nakamura over with an elbow and the clock seems to be getting a little faster as Mustafa Ali is in at #13. That means a rolling X Factor to Joe and a COME ON to Nakamura. Shinsuke charges and that’s enough for an elimination.

Ali hits a tornado DDT on Gargano but he runs into the overhead belly to belly from Joe into the corner. Dean Ambrose is in at #14 and it’s time for the showdown with Rollins. Dean knocks Kofi to the floor but Kofi puts his feet on the apron and rolls over until he gets to the steps. Kofi comes back in with a top rope DDT to Ambrose but Dean is right back up with Dirty Deeds to Gargano. Johnny is out but Kofi hits Dean with Trouble in Paradise. No Way Jose is in at #15 and is out so fast that he might have broken Santino Marella’s record.

No worries though as he and the conga line dance straight to the back. JBL: “Does he realize that he was just eliminated from the Royal Rumble?” Drew McIntyre is in at #16 and headbutts Jose before wrecking some of the conga line. It’s a series of Claymore kicks, including a great one to Joe, to put everyone down. Kofi gets knocked over the top as Xavier Woods is in at #17. As Kofi is getting shoved to the floor, he sunset flips Woods with only one foot touching, allowing Woods to stand up and piggyback Kofi to the steps. Once inside, Drew clotheslines them both out in a funny bit.

Pete Dunne is in at #18 and goes straight after Ali. Joe can’t suplex him and it’s time to go after a bunch of fingers. Dunne suplexes Ali onto Joe and Andrade is in at #19. A spinning DDT plants Dunne as there is some crazy talent in there. Apollo Crews is in at #20, giving us Joe, Rollins, Ali, Ambrose, McIntyre, Dunne, Andrade and Crews. Things slow down and it’s Aleister Black in at #21. A huge kick drops Ali and another one eliminates Ambrose. Shelton Benjamin is in at #22 with Paydirt to Benjamin, followed by Ali dumping Joe.

Baron Corbin is in at #23 with a good Deep Six to Ali and a right hand to get rid of Crews. It’s Jeff Hardy in at #24 as Black and McIntyre take turns seeing how hard they can kick people. Corbin gets rid of Black and McIntyre dumps Dunne as Rey Mysterio is in at #25. Rey walks straight into a chokebreaker from Corbin and Andrade stomps away. Bobby Lashley is in at #26…and is out in about ten seconds thanks to Rollins. Lashley is livid and pulls Rollins outside for a spinebuster through the announcers’ table. It’s Braun Strowman in at #27 and he gets rid of Corbin with ease.

Shelton is out as well and it’s Dolph Ziggler in at #28. Hardy is knocked out and Ziggler gets rid of McIntyre as a bonus. Randy Orton is in at #29 and gets to stare down Strowman but the RKO is easily blocked. The powerslam connects and Strowman puts Andrade in an electric chair, while Andrade superplexes Ali. Rey adds something close to a high crossbody for the big crash, followed by Strowman going shoulder first into the post, as is his custom. R-Truth is in at #30….and Nia Jax jumps him from behind?

Nia takes his place, giving us Mysterio, Andrade, Ziggler, Orton, Strowman (on the floor), Ali, Rollins (on the floor) and Jax. Nia dumps Ali out and gets to star Orton down. The RKO is blocked so Ziggler superkicks Nia into the 619 (JBL: “Rey don’t do that!”). An RKO takes Jax down and it’s Rey baseball sliding her out. There’s an RKO to get rid of Rey but Andrade throws Orton out. We’re down to Ziggler, Strowman, Rollins and Andrade with Ziggler and Andrade striking it out.

Strowman comes back in to run them both over as Rollins is getting back up. That means the running shoulder on the floor and Strowman throws him inside, where the triple teaming begins on the monster. Strowman pops back up to get rid of Andrade and knocks Ziggler out as well. Rollins puts Strowman on the apron but charge into a chokeslam. Not over the top, but a chokeslam nonetheless. They get back in and Rollins pulls him to the apron by the head ala Chris Benoit and Big Show. It’s not enough for an elimination so Rollins sends him into the post and adds a Stomp for the win at 57:34.

Rating: D. It’s really hard to hate a match that had that kind of stretch in the teens but my goodness they missed on the final batch. Nia Jax as #30 wasn’t interesting and isn’t exactly an upgrade over someone who can at least do some funny stuff. The rest of the match wasn’t much better, as a lot of spots were wasted on nothing entries like Hawkins, O’Neil and Mahal. Throw in a comedy legend here or there to spice things up a bit and this is a lot better.

There were some good points here, as they went with the logical and obvious winner (not a bad thing) in Rollins and showcased a lot of young guys. Other than Black I can’t imagine any of them sticking around on the main roster but it’s nice to see them get a chance against the big names. Just….be more interesting.

Overall Rating: D+. There were parts here that worked but my goodness the length crippled this show. You could have EASILY shed an hour and a half off of this thing by dropping the Smackdown Tag Team Title match, the Smackdown Women’s Title match, and the Smackdown World Title match. Make Asuka vs. Becky (which was awesome) a big TV match and put Styles vs. Bryan on in a similar spot. Just because you can put something on the card doesn’t mean you should and that’s the big lesson here. This was almost an hour longer than last year’s way too long show because WWE refuses to hit the brakes.

There are good parts to the show but it’s the overall presentation that is severely lacking. It’s the length, it’s the lack of any surprises in the Rumbles (again: not a bad idea, but certainly not a thrilling one), it’s the lack of interesting names in the Rumble and it’s spending way too much time on stuff that doesn’t need to be on the show. I was begging for this show to be over at the halfway point and it just kept dragging along. There is no excuse for any show, including Wrestlemania, to be starting at 5 and ending at nearly midnight. That’s the big problem here and there’s very little that the wrestlers can do about it.

Results

Asuka b. Becky Lynch – Asuka Lock

Shane McMahon/The Miz b. The Bar – Shooting star press to Cesaro

Ronda Rousey b. Sasha Banks – Piper’s Pit

Becky Lynch won the Women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Charlotte

Daniel Bryan b. AJ Styles – Pin after a chokeslam from Erick Rowan

Brock Lesnar b. Finn Balor – Kimura

Seth Rollins won the Men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Braun Strowman

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2015
Date: January 25, 2015
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,164
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Now this is one I’ve been looking forward to and dreading at the same time. I actually didn’t mind the main event the first time around but ever since then I haven’t been able to think of a single good thing that match did. It should be interesting (hopefully) to see how far this thing has fallen in just a year. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. New Day

Talk about a year making a big difference. Cesaro and Kidd looked to be the hottest team in years and now they’re both out while New Day, who looked to be a horrible disaster, actually IS the hottest team in years. As usual, time can change so much in wrestling. As usual, Woods is the odd man out here. Adam Rose is here with Kidd/Cesaro for no adequately explained reason but the fans would rather cheer for Cesaro anyway.

Kidd and Big E. get things going as the announcers talk about the Rumble instead. Ok to be fair, it’s a pre-show tag match with nothing on the line so I can live with it here. Big E. grabs a few backbreakers to start before it’s off to Kofi for two off a dropkick. Cesaro comes in for a BIG reaction and you can tell who the star of this match is going to be.

It’s quickly back to Big E. who takes over with a shoulder in the corner, followed by a middle rope cross body from Kofi. Lawler: “I like New Day but I’m excited to see what they’re going to evolve into.” Cesaro and Kidd take Kofi into the corner and I still don’t get why Rose is on the floor. Like, I don’t remember that in the slightest and it’s bizarre to see a year later. The Cesaro Swing into the dropkick (still awesome) gets two and we take a break.

Back with Cesaro holding Kofi in a chinlock but Kingston comes back with a dropkick to Kidd. Big E. starts cleaning house with clotheslines and the fans are REALLY not pleased. Cesaro charges into a Rock Bottom (well close enough to one) out of the corner for two. Kidd is sent to the floor for a flip dive from Kofi, followed by Big E. spearing Cesaro through the ropes for a big crash.

It’s Cesaro on his own against both guys but Big E. is sent outside and Kofi gets kicked in the head, setting up a superplex into a springboard elbow from Kidd for a VERY close two. A sunset flip gets two on Kofi with Cesaro holding Kidd in place for a smart move. Trouble in Paradise is countered into the Sharpshooter but Big E. makes the save with a belly to belly. Rose gets on the apron and gets kicked in the head, only to have Kidd grab a fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin on Kofi at 11:03.

Rating: B-. Well that worked. This is why having a hot tag division is so important: you can wake up the crowd in a match that really doesn’t matter either way because both teams looked great. New Day could clearly go in the ring but it would still be a few months before they really figured it out. Well that and until they were allowed to have some personality, which was the cure all along.

The opening video is about finding the moment that cements what you are. However, there can only be one. Tonight, someone’s moment becomes a reality. The triple threat gets a little attention as well.

New Age Outlaws vs. Ascension

This is fallout from the Outlaws, the NWO and Acolytes beating down the Ascension for not respecting the veterans enough or something. Yeah it ruined another act that was built up for over a year in NXT but HHH’s buddies got a pay per view appearance out of it. Gunn and Viktor get things going and all it takes is a hiptoss to draw the YOU STILL GOT IT chant. Fans get easier to impress every year. Dogg comes in for the shaky knee drop on Konnor but the young guys take over with a chinlock.

As the match slows down (likely so the Outlaws can breathe), JBL regales us with tales of Bullet Bob Armstrong vs. Buddy Colt. Konnor puts on a chinlock and Dogg taps, likely because tapping out wasn’t a thing when he started. The match keeps going anyway with Dogg avoiding an elbow drop, only to be chinlocked down by Viktor. That goes nowhere and the hot tag brings in Billy to clean house, only to miss the Fameasser and walk into the Fall of Man for the pin at 5:26.

Rating: D. And of course this launched the Ascension up the card and into the Tag Team Title scene forevermore. Yeah of course they never recovered after getting beaten down by a bunch of old retired guys and then winning a meaningless match against a long past retired team because…..yeah I think you know why this didn’t work, or at least you should.

We look at Sting saving Cena from Big Show/Kane/Seth Rollins on Raw. Sting isn’t on the show or anything but he had a cameo there of course. Cena winning however did get Dolph Ziggler, Ryback and Erick Rowan their jobs back but Rowan didn’t qualify for the Rumble. At least the match meant something.

The Authority isn’t pleased with Sting doing that WCW nonsense around here. Cue Paul Heyman who says Brock can help with their problems, whatever those are.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Damien Mizdow/Miz

The Usos are defending but Mizdow is the most over guy in the match. Speaking of things that have changed a lot in a year. The Usos took the titles from Miz/Mizdow to close out 2014 so this is the rematch. Jey and Miz get things going and the fans already want Mizdow. Something like a top rope Demolition Decapitator gets two on Miz as Cole recap Miz trying to get Naomi on their side with promises of Hollywood fame.

Miz gets crotched on top so Mizdow (gently) does the same, continuing the one idea act that somehow had fans cheering for him. Miz’s top rope ax handle is punched out of the air so Mizdow goes up and dives into a punch from no one. The fans think Mizdow is awesome, meaning it’s time for a chinlock from Miz himself. The Reality Check gets two but Miz won’t tag Mizdow in. Again, this doesn’t make a ton of sense as Miz is making himself wrestle the whole match by himself.

Anyway, Jimmy gets away and tags in Jey to take over with the running Umaga Attack in the corner but Miz grabs a DDT for two. Everything breaks down and both Usos hit a dive to take out both challengers, though Jey almost misses Miz, drawing a rather rude chant from the fans.

Back in and Jey misses the Superfly Splash, allowing Miz to get two off the Skull Crushing Finale. The second attempt at the Splash connects but Mizdow breaks it up, drawing the loudest pop you will EVER hear for a heel breaking up a cover. Mizdow’s Skull Crushing Finale gets two on Jimmy, who superkicks Miz into a powerbomb from Jey. Jimmy’s Superfly Splash retains the titles at 9:20.

Rating: C-. Nothing special here as Miz/Mizdow’s one joke is long past its point of interest and we’re just waiting on Mizdow to turn, which would of course take too long to mean anything as WWE would screw it up again. It really is amazing how far the tag division has fallen in just a year as all the injuries and screwiness have turned the division on its head. The Usos are still the Usos though and that’s all that matters.

The pre-show panel chats a bit and we look at the pre-show match.

J&J Security play the new WWE mobile game until Seth Rollins comes in to yell at them for not being serious enough. Rollins says he’s been called the future but he’s the right now.

Wrestlemania ad. I had forgotten how much I hated that theme song.

Bella Twins vs. Paige/Natalya

No idea what the story here is but I’m sure it’s Total Divas related. Nikki and Paige get things going with Paige not being able to Irish whip her. It’s off to Natalya who gets two off a kick to the back of the head. Brie comes in to work on the arm as the announcers joke about which twin is older. I’m not sure why this is supposed to be funny but they certainly think it is. A double suplex puts Brie down and Paige does her slow, crawling cover for two.

Natalya comes in and covers as well but for some reason she isn’t legal. Even Paige is confused as she grabs Brie again and now tags Natalya in all legal like. Brie gets two off a quick slam and it’s back to Nikki for a Hennig neck snap. Lawler: “Name two countries and then a state.” Cole: “It was a joke.” It’s as random as it sounds. Now it’s off to Lawler approving of the Bellas’ looks as they take turns on Natalya for some near falls.

Brie puts on a chinlock for a bit before both Bellas grab a leg and roll forward to flip Natalya onto the back of her head. Nikki puts on a headscissors and does push-ups to drive Natalya’s face mere inches away from the mat. Natalya powers up and drops Nikki on her back for the break and avoids a clothesline, only to have Brie pull Paige off the apron. Nikki’s big forearm puts Natalya away at 8:02.

Rating: D. We don’t even have time for a hot tag? This wasn’t much to see but again, it’s all about the Bellas because they’re the stars on Total Divas and know how to act like the Kardashians or whatever. Nikki would get a lot better after another six months on top of the division or so, but that would be a very long six months.

Roman Reigns says he’ll beat his performance from last year.

Stardust does his usual and Goldust says he’s right.

Rusev says he’ll win and promises to crush whoever wins.

Miz says this is his year and Mizdow repeats everything. Again: that’s not what a stunt double does.

Big Show says he’s not mortal because he’s a giant.

Fandango says no one understands the power of the tango.

YES, Daniel Bryan thinks he can get back to the main event of Wrestlemania.

We recap the triple threat for the World Title. Rollins tried to cash in Money in the Bank on Lesnar at Night of Champions while Cena was challenging, triggering a feud between Rollins and Cena. Tonight they both get their shot in what should be awesome.

WWE World Title: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and this is one fall to a finish. The fans just explode on Cena with the JOHN CENA SUCKS song making its return. I was there when it debuted and that’s a pure thing of brilliance. Lesnar on the other hand is treated…..well about how you would expect Philadelphia to react to him. Rollins bails to start and there’s the first German suplex to Cena. Another one drops Cena again so J&J come in, only to get a German of their own.

Rollins kicks Cena in the head but gets pulled inside to face Brock all alone. It’s time for more German suplexes and the fans loudly applaud. There’s a regular suplex to Rollins and we get an ECW chant. Brock grabs a Kimura on Cena but John lifts him up, allowing Seth to springboard in with a knee to the champ. Cena and Rollins get smart and double team Lesnar, only to have Seth throw John to the floor for one off an AA.

Brock pops up like a daisy and sends both of them outside, only to have Rollins knock him into the steps. As J&J are in a heap next to the barricade, Cena starts his usual finishing sequence on Rollins but Lesnar breaks up the Shuffle with another German suplex. Seth breaks up the rolling Germans though as he needs Cena to help fight against Brock. Makes sense. A knee to the back puts Brock on the floor but the champ is right back in for the save as Seth covers Cena.

Back up and Cena throws Rollins to the floor and actually drops Brock with some clotheslines. Seth pulls Cena outside and tries a springboard, only to get caught in a big F5. That is some terrifying strength. Brock loads up a table for some reason so Cena gives him three straight AA’s for two with Rollins making a last second save. There’s a Curb Stomp from Seth and this time Cena has to dive in and break up the cover. The fans think this is awesome (indeed) as everyone heads outside, where Cena spears Lesnar through the barricade.

Brock keeps getting up so Cena throws him into the steps and blasts him in the face for good measure, knocking the champ onto the announcers’ table. Rollins feels left out so he drives Brock through with a HUGE top rope elbow and Cena is the only one standing. The non-Lesnars head back inside and Seth hits a quick low superkick for two. The AA doesn’t work so Cena Batista Bombs him for a VERY near fall.

Not to be outdone, Rollins reverses a superplex attempt into a running Buckle Bomb for two more. Both guys are spent so Rollins tries a Curb Stomp, only to get caught in the STF. Cue J&J from their comas for the save as a stretcher comes out for Brock. There’s a TripleBomb for two on Cena but he ducks a briefcase shot and AA’s both J’s at the same time. He should not be able to do that twenty minutes into a match this physical. Or any match for that matter.

Another AA gets two on Rollins and the Curb Stomp gets the same on Cena as the fans are freaking out on these kickouts. We’re told Brock has at least a broken rib as Rollins busts out the Phoenix Splash on Cena. Not that it matters as a TICKED OFF Brock gets back in for some German suplexes, only to have Seth hit him in the face with the briefcase. Rollins loads up a Curb Stomp onto the case but you don’t try that on Lesnar, as he counters with a HUGE F5 to retain at 22:42.

Rating: A. Good grief what a battle. This was the night where Rollins became a star and people knew that he was going to be champion soon. Cena put in his normal amazing performance here as well, but good night Brock looked like a monster. This is the beast that WWE wanted to build up for someone to take down and it worked perfectly here. Just outstanding action here with all three looking like they had been through a war. This was the instant match of the year leader and it would take something special to knock it off.

Brock walks off as the medics are stunned.

Rumble By The Numbers video.

Royal Rumble

Good luck following that. Miz is #1 and R-Truth is #2 with 90 second intervals. They start slowly (smart here) until Truth gets in a few pelvic thrusts. Truth is sent to the apron a few times and gets crotched on the top until Bubba Ray Dudley makes a big surprise return at #3. You think that might wake the Philadelphia fans up a bit? Bubba is fired up to start and gives Miz the Dusty punches before R-Truth plays D-Von (I’m not touching that one) on What’s Up.

Now it’s table time but Miz gets up, only to be put back down with a 3D. There go Miz and Truth as Luke Harper is in at #4 for a hoss fight. They slug it out boo/yay style but Harper elbows out of a Bubba Bomb. A big clothesline drops Harper but Bray Wyatt is in at #5. Bubba isn’t sure what to make of him and Bray does his big freaky smile. The fans want D-Von (fair enough idea) but Bray sends Bubba into a clothesline and dumps him a few seconds later.

Harper and Wyatt stare at each other and Curtis Axel is in at #6, only to have Erick Rowan jump him from behind and destroy him, kicking off Axelmania because Axel was never officially eliminated. Rowan (not part of the Family at this point) gets in and teases a reunion against Bray, only to be quickly double teamed. Erick almost gets Harper out but Bray dumps them both and points to the sign. In another surprise return, the Boogeyman is in at #7. Cole: “It’s the eater of worlds against the eater of worms!” His entrance takes forever and Bray dumps him like the jobber that he is.

Sin Cara is in at #8 and gets in a few shots, only to get punched out of the air. Sister Abigail sets up another elimination and Bray is on a roll. With no one to fight, Bray grabs a mic and issues an open challenge to everyone in the back because this is his year. It’s time to sing until Zack Ryder is in at #9 (apparently returning from shoulder surgery), only to be eliminated even faster than Cara.

NOW things get interesting as Daniel Bryan is in at #10 to one of the loudest reactions you’ll hear since…..well since the last time Bryan was in a big match probably. Daniel speeds things up a lot with some running dropkicks in the corner as JBL tells Bryan not to go so hard because he needs to pace himself. Preach it JBL. A middle rope hurricanrana puts Bray down and it’s Fandango in at #11. Well that’s quite the drop in star power. He goes after Bryan but stops to dance, allowing Bryan to flip out of a belly to back suplex.

We go old school (way old school actually) with an airplane spin until Tyson Kidd (with his sweet theme song) is in at #12. A springboard missile dropkick drops Bryan and Fandango is quickly dropped into the corner, leaving Kidd and Bryan to slug it out in what could rock with about fifteen minutes. Stardust is in at #13, with Cole saying it’s his Rumble debut. No Cole, no it’s not. I get what he’s going for and no Cole, no it’s not.

Fandango and Stardust take turns skinning the cat before Stardust takes out the knee to get Fandango in trouble. Bryan eliminates Kidd but Bray is back up, only to be knocked through the ropes and out to the floor. You know that means a suicide dive from Daniel, followed by Diamond Dallas Page in at #14 for another surprise. Stardust is right on him but there’s the first Diamond Cutter. JBL: “Do they teach that in yoga class?”

Fandango takes Page down but gets crotched on top, setting up a super Diamond Cutter for a very nice pop. Bray pounds on Page but takes a Diamond Cutter of his own, which is one step too far. The guy is a monster and shouldn’t get dropped by a retired legend. Rusev comes in at #15 and superkicks Page before eliminating him. Side note: put Page in the Hall of Fame already. He has the resume and he’s worthy of canonization after what he accomplished with Roberts and Hall.

Rusev dumps Fandango and puts Bryan on the apron, allowing Bray to knock Daniel out. That right there is pretty much it for this Rumble meaning anything as we now know it’s all about Reigns, even though the fans aren’t going to be interested no matter what. I know you can’t have Bryan win here, but you could at least give him a run near the end. This was a bad idea and the DANIEL BRYAN chants starting up a minute after he’s gone don’t bode well for the rest of the show.

Goldust is in at #16, giving us Goldust, Stardust, Rusev and Wyatt. The brothers go after each other for a bit until Kofi Kingston is in at #17. Kofi goes after Bray as the fans are booing everything presented to them no matter how watchable it is. All five wind up in one corner for some reason with no eliminations until Adam Rose is in at #18. The Rosebuds do the full entrance and catch Kofi as he’s launched over the top for his annual save. Rusev dumps Rose with ease and kicks Kofi out a few seconds later to get us back to four. Roman Reigns is in at #19 and oh man this is going to be good.

The fans go nuts on Reigns as he fires off the running corner clotheslines and gets rid of Goldust and Stardust in rapid succession. Big E. is in at #20 and only gets kind of booed. Rusev is right on him and that gets booed loudly out of pure spite. Rusev hits a quick Cannonball on Big E. and it’s Damien Mizdow in at #21 for a bit of relief from the fans. Miz cuts him off and wants the spot but Reigns shoves him down and Damien, egged on by the crowd, goes in as well.

Mizdow cleans some house but is thrown out by Rusev in less than twenty seconds. Dang they really don’t want the fans to cheer anything tonight do they? Well other than Reigns of course. Jack Swagger is in at #22 and gets in a few nice shots until Bray cuts him off. We’ve got Wyatt, Swagger, Reigns, Big E. and Rusev at the moment until Ryback is in at #23. That means more power brawling with Meat Hooks and suplexes all around. Bray and Rusev continue their loose alliance to to get Ryback in trouble and there’s a CM Punk chant for the latest false hope.

Kane is in at #24 and you know the people aren’t happy with that. The match slows down a bit with Kane putting Ryback on the apron and Big E. doing the same thing to Swagger. Those attempts go as far as you would expect and it’s Dean Ambrose in at #25 to give the fans something to actually cheer for. Dean goes for Rusev to start but has to stop a charging Kane. The fans are WAY into Ambrose as he’s the first guy they’ve wanted to cheer for in about fifteen minutes.

Titus O’Neil is in at #26 and put out in four seconds by Ambrose and Reigns. So much for that one. The ring is getting too full and Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett makes it even worse at lucky #27. Everyone brawls against the ropes until it’s Cesaro in at #28. Cesaro fires off a bunch of European uppercuts but he can only get Ambrose to the apron. Rusev dropkicks Big E. out to clear a little room but Big Show takes his place at #29.

Everyone goes after him but Show throws them away before starting a chokeslam contest with Kane. There goes Ryback thanks to both giants and Show dumps Swagger. A chokeslam sends Rusev rolling out under the ropes and it’s Dolph Ziggler in at #30 (Remember when “who is #30” was the big question every year? Now it’s just another entrant. It’s kind of sad really.), giving us a final grouping of Wyatt, Rusev, Reigns, Kane, Ambrose, Barrett, Cesaro, Big Show and Ziggler.

Here’s the thing: that’s actually a stacked final set of people. Wyatt, Rusev, Ambrose, Barrett, Cesaro and Ziggler are crowd favorites, Big Show and Kane are at least good monsters to conquer and Reigns is…..well that other group is really popular. The problem here is NO ONE but Reigns has a chance and the entire audience knows it, making this inevitable rather than anything interesting.

Ziggler superkicks the giants and takes them both down with the running DDT. Barrett is sent to the apron and superkicked out but Ziggler gets caught in the Cesaro Swing. Cesaro sends him to the apron but Dolph gets him to the apron for a superkick and an elimination, only to have Big Show and Kane put Ziggler out. That also gives Kane the all time record for Rumble eliminations.

The giants throw Bray out like he’s no one (thanks for the 47 minutes Bray) and the fans are getting even angrier than they already were. So it’s Ambrose/Reigns vs. Big Show/Kane with Rusev forgotten on the floor. Roman is bleeding from the mouth as he clotheslines Show down but he and Dean can’t get rid of the bigger giant. Kane boots Roman in the face and the KO Punch knocks Dean silly, giving the giants an easy elimination. Reigns is suddenly even less popular as the inevitability gets that much closer. Even Cole acknowledges that the fans hate this.

Reigns fights back and the booing gets even louder until Kane and Show start fighting, because the last SIXTEEN YEARS of these two fighting isn’t enough. They fight next to the ropes and Reigns gets up for a double elimination, actually sending the fans into silence for the win.

Kane and Big Show get back in and beat Roman down even more, complete with a double chokeslam. The fans remember that Rusev is still in but here’s the Rock to help save his cousin. He cleans house and drops both giants to a nice reaction until Reigns Superman Punches Show into a Rock Bottom. Rock leaves and Rusev gets back in, only to get speared and eliminated to really give Roman the win at 59:31.

Rating: D-. WOW. This is somehow so much worse than I remember it as WWE was clearly going out of its way to clear the path for Roman but the fans were having none of it. The problem here is a simple one: there was never any drama. Look back at 2012 for a second. The final two were Chris Jericho and Sheamus, neither of whom were interesting choices to win. However, the final three minutes of that match are AWESOME as you really didn’t know who was going to win and both guys had a real chance. That’s the easiest way to get fans to like the Rumble, or really most matches.

This Rumble is really more like 1993 than anything else. That was the year of Yokozuna and everyone knew it, though there was the slightest chance of the Undertaker winning it. However, Undertaker went out in the middle of the match and the rest was just a waiting game to see who was on Yokozuna’s victim list.

That’s exactly what happened here. Everyone knew Reigns was the heavy favorite no matter who they wanted to win and the ONLY person with a real chance of beating him was Bryan. This year Bryan was the twelfth man eliminated, leaving about thirty five minutes left in the match. That’s a long time for the fans to sit around with little to no hope as things get worse and worse. The best false hope they had for the rest of the match was Ambrose and that just wasn’t going to happen.

On top of that, you have Big Show and Kane as the big bads for Reigns to conquer. That’s fine on paper, until you look at all the papers labeled “Raw Results” where you see how many times he and everyone else has beaten both of them. Instead of some group of the popular guys at the end, it was Kane and Big Show for the first ending. Then there’s Rusev for the false hope spot but Reigns destroyed him too before winning.

So yeah, this was one big mess all designed for Reigns to look like a hero and it failed miserably. It boils down to a simple concept that actually takes me back to the Russo days to a degree: you have to earn it. The problem here is Reigns hasn’t really accomplished anything to earn this spot and the fans are rejecting him. Austin dominating the 1998 Rumble worked because the fans had seen Austin go through a lot of wars to earn the right to be the top dog. Reigns’ big moment was a win over Randy Orton at Summerslam 2014. That’s not exactly huge and the fans hadn’t forgotten.

Ignoring the Reigns part for a minute, this was a really dull match. Bubba was a cool surprise and Page was good for a Diamond Cutter, but Boogeyman? Other than that and Bray’s dominance (which went nowhere), this was really dull stuff. Kofi being caught by the Rosebuds was a good quick chuckle but really low on his list of saves. Just a horrible Rumble from start to finish with only a few bright spots throughout.

Rock poses with Reigns and the fans STILL boo. The Authority comes out to glare a lot as Reigns celebrates and points at the sign to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Oh yeah this was bad. The triple threat is the only thing keeping this from being a disaster as the rest of the card is a bunch of nothing tags and then a disaster of a Rumble for the last third. The Rumble itself really is that bad and drags an already bad show down even lower. It’s balanced out a bit by the triple threat but twenty two minutes of awesome can’t make up for an hour of horrible. Terrible show here and thankfully WWE finally figured out that Reigns wasn’t ready yet, because he just wasn’t here.

Ratings Comparison

Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. New Day

Original: B

Redo: B-

Ascension vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Usos

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Bella Twins vs. Paige/Natalya

Original: D-

Redo: D

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

Original: A

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

How in the world did I add that one up last year?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/01/25/royal-rumble-2015-more-teasing-than-a-15-year-old-on-prom-night/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2015
Date: January 25, 2015
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the start of the Road to Wrestlemania and the top two contenders to challenge for the title at the biggest show of the year are Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan. Both are in the Royal Rumble match tonight and there really isn’t another major favorite to win. Other than that we have John Cena and Seth Rollins challenging Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Title in a triple threat. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: New Day vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd

This was originally a six man elimination tag with Adam Rose and Xavier Woods added. They may have been dropped due to Woods’ ankle injury. The fans are entirely behind Cesaro to start as Big E. throws Kidd around. Some backbreakers get two on Kidd before Big E. launches Kidd into the air for a dropkick from Kofi. Off to Cesaro and the fans are thrilled. Big E. comes back in and hammers away on Cesaro, much to the crowd’s chagrin. Oh yeah they’re white hot tonight.

Kofi is dragged into the wrong corner for a double stomp with Kidd going much faster than his partner. Cesaro won’t let Kofi tag but he does roll the Swiss man up for two. The Cesaro Swing into the dropkick gets two and we take a break. Back with Cesaro holding Kofi in a chinlock as the fans think New Day sucks. Big E. gets all fired up and wipes the sweat from his brow before slamming Cesaro down for two. Kidd is sent outside and Big E. launches Kofi onto him to almost no reaction. Big E. spears Cesaro through the ropes and off the apron to the floor. I miss that spot. Or any Big E. spot actually.

The referee doesn’t see a tag to Kofi at first but Cesaro backdrops Big E. over the top for a big crash. Cesaro superplexes Kofi for a springboard elbow from Kidd for a very close two. Kofi kicks Kidd to the floor to break up a Sharpshooter attempt but Cesaro gets caught cheating on a sunset flip attempt. Trouble in Paradise is countered into the Sharpshooter on Kofi but Big E. makes the save with a belly to belly. Cesaro knocks the big man to the floor and pops Kofi in the face with a European uppercut, setting up a swinging fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin on Kofi at 11:00.

Rating: B. This got a lot better near the end but the match and commentary really tells you everything you need to know about the tag division at this point. With that one win, after about five losses, JBL thinks Cesaro and Kidd are in line for a title shot. Have we really sunk that low again? Win two matches and you should be the Tag Team Champions? Yet people still don’t want Ascension around? The near falls here were good and I wasn’t sure who was winning until the end, but that’s the first loss for New Day? Really?

The opening video talks about wanting to have your moment and being the one. We transition into a video on the triple threat and how everyone is fighting for the title.

New Age Outlaws vs. Ascension

Ascension needs some steps to come down during their entrance. Cole points out that this isn’t for the Tag Team Titles. That could be because neither team is champions. The fans think Billy still has it as he armdrags Viktor down. Off to Dogg vs. Konnor with the big man driving Dogg into the corner. Viktor’s chinlock doesn’t have much effect so it’s off to Konnor for one of his own. Dogg finally gets up and dives over for the tag to Billy as everything speeds up. The Fameasser misses though and Fall of Man ends Gunn at 5:23.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be as they’re setting up Ascension against various legendary teams, meaning we’re likely to see Too Cool and maybe the APA laying down for them in the future, setting up the title showdown against Ascension. Granted it’s not like beating the New Age Outlaws means much at this point.

We recap Sting debuting on Raw and staring down the Authority, allowing Cena to pin Rollins to save his spot in the title match tonight and get Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan and Ryback their jobs back.

HHH and Stephanie are annoyed that they weren’t told about Sting debuting. If he walks in here again, HHH is going to destroy him. Heyman comes in and the ECW chants begin. His solution to the Sting problem: Brock Lesnar.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow

The Usos are defending and these teams have been trading the titles for the last few months. Mizdow is just ridiculously over. Miz shoves Jimmy into the corner but eats a shot to the face. The corner clothesline puts Jey down but he’s able to crotch Miz on the top. Mizdow does the same but in slow motion for a funny bit. He one ups it by diving into an invisible punch to the ribs before Miz throws Jimmy throat first into the ropes. The Reality Check gets two but Miz still won’t tag out.

The not very hot tag brings in Jey but Miz takes him down for the figure four as everything breaks down. Miz and Mizdow head outside and Jimmy dives on Mizdown with Jey taking out Miz a few seconds later. Back in and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for two on Jimmy. Jey comes back in for a double superkick and the Superfly Splash but Mizdow makes the save. He follows it up with the Skull Crushing Finale to give Miz two on Jey. Miz’s superplex attempt is broken up for a sunset bomb from Jey, followed by the Superfly Splash from Jimmy to retain at 8:22. Mizdow didn’t seem interested in making the save.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here as these teams have run out of things to do to each other. Miz and Mizdow’s split seems imminent and I can’t imagine they make it out of the Rumble without a major showdown. It wasn’t a great match though and they would have been better off with this on the pre-show and the New Day vs. Kidd/Cesaro on the main show.

The expert panel (Booker T., Corey Graves and Alex Riley) talk about the show so far.

We look at the pre-show match.

The Stooges are playing the new WWE Immortals game when Seth Rollins comes in to ask why they’re not helping him get ready. He’s tired of being called the future and wants to be the present.

Bella Twins vs. Paige/Natalya

This is the Total Divas match over who are the real stars of the show. Paige throws Nikki down to start as JBL says the Bellas have been twins their whole life. Off to Brie who walks into a double suplex, allowing the slow crawling cover from Paige. Natalya comes back in and slams Brie down before the Bellas start choking to take over.

The Brie Mode running knee to the chest gets two but Natalya fights out of a headscissors by lifting Nikki into an electric chair. Nikki misses a clothesline in the corner but Brie breaks up the hot tag to Paige. A big forearm to Natalya’s jaw is enough for the pin at 8:06 to end this far too long match.

Rating: D-. Oh come on now. A FOREARM??? They can’t even have Nikki hit her finisher for the pin? If you’re going to have Nikki pin Natalya, at least make this a title match. Oh wait that would be stupid because we’ve seen that match like 19 times now. Again, stop running through matches and save them for shows like this.

Roman Reigns says last year’s elimination record was cool but it’s nothing compared to this.

Stardust talks about the Cosmic Key and Goldust breathes a lot.

Rusev will crush everyone at Wrestlemania.

Miz says he’ll win and Mizdow agrees, but accidentally says he’ll win instead.

Big Show says he’s an angry and motivated giant. Roman Reigns and everyone else in the match will find that out for real.

Fandango says everyone underestimates the power of the tango.

Daniel Bryan thinks he can make it back to the main event of Wrestlemania this year. YES he does.

We recap Lesnar vs. Cena vs. Rollins. Cena had defeated Orton to earn a title shot against Lesnar but the Authority added Rollins to the match to thank him for bringing them back. Rollins has started to stand up to Lesnar and even Curb Stomped him, meaning Lesnar wants to kill him too.

WWE World Heavyweight Title: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

Lesnar is defending and we get big match intros. Rollins immediately bails to the floor and Lesnar hits the first German suplex on Cena. There’s the second German as Rollins comes in, only to get caught on Brock’s shoulders. The Stooges make the save so Brock suplexes them at the same time. Brock launches Seth back into the ring and Germans Cena again. All Lesnar so far.

Both challengers are easily suplexed again and there’s the Kimura to Cena. Brock even climbs onto Cena but Seth makes the save with the springboard knee to the head and Lesnar is in trouble. A double suplex puts Lesnar down and there’s an AA but Rollins throws Cena to the floor and only gets one on the champ. Both challengers are thrown to the floor and you can see everyone laying as Brock walks around the ring. Seth knocks Brock into the steps for a breather, leaving Cena to beat Rollins up inside.

The fans absolutely hate Cena, only to have Brock break up the Shuffle with rolling Germans. Rollins breaks it up for some reason though and knees Lesnar out to the floor. Now it’s Cena getting all fired up and cleaning house, only to have Rollins knock him outside. Seth tries a springboard onto Lesnar, only to get caught on Brock’s shoulders for an F5. John has to make a save so Brock feels the need to throw him down with another German suplex.

That’s not enough for Brock though as he loads up the announcers’ table (and destroys a monitor), only to walk into the AA. Brock doesn’t even stay down so Cena hits another, only to have Lesnar pop up again. A third AA gets two as Rollins makes the save, followed by the Curb Stomp for two with Cena making a save. Now the fans are impressed. Lesnar throws them both down again and goes outside, only to have Cena follow him out and spear the champ through the barricade.

Cena slams him hard into the steps and blasts him in the face with the same steps, knocking the champ onto the announcers’ table. Seth kicks Cena down and goes up for a top rope elbow through the table to put everyone down. That was one heck of a crash as the war continues. Back in and Rollins hits the low superkick for two on Cena but John grabs a popup sitout powerbomb for the same. Lesnar is receiving medical attention as Rollins counters a superplex attempt into the running buckle bomb for two.

Everyone is down again but Cena grabs the STF, only to have the Stooges come in for the save. Rollins plays Reigns in a Triple Bomb as a stretcher comes out for Lesnar. Cena kicks out at two so Rollins grabs the briefcase, only to miss the charge and fly out to the floor. The Stooges take a double AA and Rollins gets the single version but kicks out at two. We cut back to Lesnar who says he wants to stay out here. Cole says Lesnar has at least a broken rib. Rollins enziguris Cena down and the Curb Stomp connects for another near fall.

Rollins busts out a Phoenix Splash but Lesnar CHARGES back in for some German suplexes as Beast Mode is on. Seth flips out of a German though and knocks Lesnar silly with the briefcase, only to have Lesnar pop up with an F5 to counter the Curb Stomp onto the briefcase to retain the title at 22:45.

Rating: A. If there’s one thing WWE can do like no one else, it’s organized carnage. These guys DESTROYED each other for twenty two minutes and I would have believed anyone could have won at any time. Lesnar going into that other level is absolutely terrifying and you believe he could beat anyone at that point. Great stuff here and well worth going out of your way to see. They’re making Lesnar out to be unstoppable, meaning whoever gets to take the title off of him will be a huge star. You might even say they’ll be Reign(s)ing. And yes that was as stupid as it sounded.

Rumble by the numbers.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and it’s Miz at #1 and R-Truth at #2. The fans immediately want Mizdow but get a headlock from R-Truth instead. Feeling out process to start until Truth gets crotched on top. In at #3 is BUBBA RAY DUDLEY, complete with taped up glasses. It’s Miz getting the big beating and the wind-up elbow has Miz reeling. Truth (appropriately) helps with What’s Up and is even told to get the tables. You know the Philadelphia crowd is up for that. Miz gets back up and eats 3D, allowing Bubba to easily eliminate him.

Luke Harper is in at #4 as Bubba throws out Truth. They immediately start hammering on each other and Harper fights out of the Bubba Bomb before kicking Bubba in the jaw. A big lariat puts Harper down though and the ECW chants revive Dudley. Bray Wyatt is in at #5, complete with lantern. Bubba stares him down but Harper gives us a Wyatt Family reunion as the fans want D-Von. Harper throws Bubba out and it’s time for the big staredown.

They stand in place until Curtis Axel is in at #6 but Erick Rowan (who didn’t qualify for the Rumble) jumps him from behind though and whips him into the barricade, apparently stealing Axel’s spot. Harper looks at Rowan and wants a team up, much to Bray’s excitement. Bray and Harper join forces though and Rowan gets double teamed, only to have Bray dump both of them out to clear the ring.

The Boogeyman returns at #7 and Cole informs us that the guy coming out to I’M THE BOOGEYMAN is in fact named the Boogeyman. Bray smiles at him and stops a charge with a big clothesline, setting up the easy elimination. Sin Cara is in at #8 and Cole sounds bored out of his mind. Cara gets in a kick from the apron but Bray just decks him with a right hand. Sister Abigail connects and Bray is all alone again a few seconds later.

Bray grabs the mic and issues an open invitation because he has the whole world in his hands. Zack Ryder returns at #9, hits the Broski Boot, and is quickly Bray’s fifth elimination. Daniel Bryan is in at #10 to really pick things up. He immediately starts the kicks and has Bray in trouble in the corner. Even more kicks put him down as Fandango is in at #11. Bryan busts out even more kicks and an old school airplane spin but doesn’t throw Fandango out.

Tyson Kidd (complete with his addictive theme song) is in at #12 to slug it out with Bryan before a double cross body puts both guys down. Stardust is in at #13 as we’re firmly in the midcard portion. Cole says this is Stardust’s first Rumble to split a few hairs. We currently have Wyatt, Bryan, Stardust, Fandango and Kidd in the ring. Stardust and Fandango trade skinning the cat saves before Bryan belly to back suplexes Kidd out.

Bray gets knocked through the middle rope and Bryan follows with the Flying Goat, meaning both guys are still in as Diamond Dallas Page is in at #14. Stardust jumps him upon entry but eats a Diamond Cutter. Fandango takes the middle rope version, followed by Wyatt missing a charge and taking one of his own. Rusev is in at #15 and it’s time to clear out some space. He blocks a Diamond Cutter and dumps Page and Fandango, setting up a showdown between Rusev and Wyatt.

Daniel breaks it up with a top rope dropkick and unleashes more kicks, only to have Bray pop up and dump him out far earlier than I was expecting. Goldust is in at #16 as the crowd is just dead. Stardust tries to throw out Goldust (with Cole mentioning that Goldust was eliminated by his brother last year, despite saying Stardust was in his first Rumble. Like I said, splitting hairs) but Goldust saves himself. The fans start chanting for Bryan and them switch to booing.

Kofi Kingston is in at #17, giving us Kingston, Goldust, Stardust, Rusev and Wyatt. Bray catapults him over the top but Kofi skins the cat and comes back in with a springboard shot to the head. Everyone gets into one corner until Adam Rose is in at #18. You can hear every word of the songs now as the crowd just does not care at the moment. Kofi is thrown out but the Rosebuds catch him and walk him back to the apron. Rusev dumps Rose and Kofi a few seconds later and Roman Reigns is in at #19 to a lot less booing than I was expecting.

Roman starts cleaning house and dumps both Dust Brothers, only to get double teamed by Rusev and Wyatt. Big E. is in at #20 to clean house and give us a very powerful foursome of Big E., Rusev, Wyatt and Reigns. Mizdow is in at #21 but Miz runs out to say it’s his spot. Damien finally stands up to Miz and goes in to a good reaction, only to be dumped by Rusev. Jack Swagger is in at #22 and everyone keeps brawling until Ryback is in at #23.

Ryback busts out everyone with spinebusters as JBL incorrectly says Lex Luger is the only man to win the Rumble but never win the WWE Title (Duggan). The fans chant for CM Punk but get Kane at #24, giving us Wyatt, Rusev, Reigns, Big E., Swagger, Ryback and Kane. Dean Ambrose wakes the crowd up again at #25 and goes right for Wyatt. We get more brawling around the ropes until Titus O’Neil is in at #26 and is dumped in about thirty seconds (counting intro) by Reigns and Rusev.

Ambrose dropkicks Wyatt up against the ropes and Bad News Barrett gets lucky #27. The ring is getting full but no one is in any real danger of being eliminated. Cesaro is in at #28 and joins the fray. Rusev sends Big E. to the apron and then kicks him out to clear the ring a bit. Big Show is in at #29 and everyone stops to stare him down. They all gang up on him but Show shoves everyone down as Kane chokeslams Ambrose. Show does the same to Reigns before the monsters dump Ryback with ease.

Swagger is dumped by the power team as well, tying Kane for the all time record at 39 eliminations. Dolph Ziggler is in at #30, giving us a final group of Wyatt, Rusev, Reigns, Kane, Ambrose, Barrett, Cesaro, Big Show and Ziggler. Dolph has to fight out of the chokeslam from Big Show and dumps Barrett. Cesaro swings Dolph around and gets him to the apron, only to be pulled out for the elimination. Ziggler goes up top and dives right into the KO Punch, allowing Kane and Show to easily dump him, giving Kane the all time eliminations record.

Big Show KO’s Wyatt and dumps him as well, leaving us with Ambrose, Reigns, Big Show and Kane as the final four. Reigns is bleeding from the side of the mouth as the brawl is on. The Shield fights out of a double chokeslam but Ambrose’s rebound clothesline has almost no effect on Show. Reigns knocks Show down and the fans just are not happy. Big Show and Kane double team Roman though before a chokeslam is enough to get rid of Ambrose.

So it’s Kane and Big Show vs. Reigns and the fans are LIVID. Reigns gets sent to the apron but Show tries to dump Kane, triggering a fight that has been going on for over fifteen years now. Reigns sneaks up from behind them and eliminates both guys to go to Wrestlemania at 57:23.

Rating: D+. I’m surprised by this but I really shouldn’t be. They actually went with Reigns vs. the giants to end the Royal Rumble? This match felt like a big tease from the company as they were setting up Wyatt, Cesaro, Rusev, Ambrose and Ziggler for this big showdown but then snatched it away to go with Kane and Big Show as the big monsters. That’s really what they think is the smart idea? And you know we’re getting Reigns vs. Big Show at Fast Lane, probably without Big Show doing a job for him because he doesn’t get pinned you see.

As for the rest of the match…..yeah I liked it, but man alive it was obvious where they were going with about twenty minutes to go. Bryan going out that early is a waste, though I’m fine with him not winning it. He had his big moment last year and it would be foolish to try and recreate it. Bryan can get the title later on in his other big moment and that’s all he needs to do.

The returns were fine but there was no big surprise at the end (that’s fine), and Reigns was just so obvious as a winner. Also, the commentary was getting REALLY annoying with all their stats, some of which just didn’t make sense. I didn’t hate this match, but Reigns is getting wedged into a spot he’s just not ready for whatsoever. Wrestlemania better have an amazing undercard, because Reigns vs. Lesnar is not going to cut it on top.

Post match Kane and Big Show destroy Reigns until The Rock makes a surprise run in for the save. House is cleaned but Rusev is back in! He was never officially elimianted…..so Reigns throws him out to officially win about three minutes after he won in the first place. Again, more teasing.

The Authority comes out as Rock poses with Reigns before letting Reigns point at the sign to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This could have been far worse and the Rumble isn’t even very bad, but good grief it felt like they looked at all the cool possibilities they had here and ran away from them as fast as they could to go with the status quo. The World Title match more than saves the show and the Rumble has its moments (some of them at least), but that last ten minutes or so just crippled anything they possibly had out of this match. I actually liked last year’s Rumble better if you can believe that. Just……stop deciding your outcome before you think for two seconds WWE. It would make your fans so much happier.

I’m not even mad at this ending. It’s just…there. WWE decided months ago that Reigns was going to be the guy because of whatever reasons they have and that’s what we’re getting, no matter what else is out there. It’s very dull when you know what’s coming and there’s nothing you can do about it. I can live with that when there’s no better option, but there are indeed better, or at least far more interesting and prepared options, than Reigns here.

Results

Ascension b. New Age Outlaws – Fall of Man to Gunn

Usos b. Miz/Damien Mizdow – Superfly Splash to Miz

Bella Twins b. Paige/Natalya – Forearm to the face

Brock Lesnar b. Seth Rollins and John Cena – F5 to Rollins

Roman Reigns won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Big Show and Kane

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Survivor Series 2014
Date: November 23, 2014
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

Now this is going to be an interesting one as the whole show is built around one match and that one match’s big surprise. Last year they made no secret about the show being entirely built around one single match, which wound up making the way to make the whole thing work. That one match is Team Cena vs. Team Authority for Cena and company’s jobs vs. the Authority having power. The jobs were thrown in at the last minute to really hammer home who was going to win but that’s not always the worst thing. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel

This is the NEW AND IMPROVED Fandango, meaning he has Rosa Mendes and now wears a white shirt. We’re ready to go after the dance sequence that kills even more time. They slowly punch each other to start with Gabriel, who has skeleton tights for no apparent reason (JBL: “The leftovers from Giant Gonzalez.”), getting knocked to the floor.

Back in and Justin breaks out of a chinlock and gets two off a springboard kick to the face. For someone who flies around as much as Gabriel, the fans are almost totally silent. A suplex slam (as in a suplex where Fandango never left his feet) takes Gabriel down and the guillotine legdrop is good enough to put Justin away at 3:10.

Rating: D-. You know how Fandango still hasn’t done anything since his “rebirth” here? After this match it really surprises me that he still has a job as this was so horribly boring. Naturally they did the same match again the next night on Raw because maybe they just didn’t get the point across here. Really boring match.

Pre-Show: Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger

The battle of the former Real Americans. On the way to the ring, Cesaro talks about the history of Swiss neutrality before picking Team Authority. He proclaims his allegiance in various languages (which is NOTHING that could ever be capitalized in around the world) until Swagger and Colter come in to pick Team Cena. Swagger gets a quick rollup for two to start, earning himself a gutwrench suplex.

The Patriot Lock has Cesaro in early trouble but he’s still able to throw Swagger down with a German suplex. More suplexes set up a chinlock. Back up and Swagger grabs a German of his own, followed by a chop block to stay on the leg. The Vader Bomb is blocked but Swagger grabs the Patriot Lock. That goes nowhere and more Germans are rolled, only to have Swagger counter into the Patriot Lock again for the submission at 5:23.

Rating: C-. They crammed a lot of suplexes into just five minutes. This also shows you how much better a match can be if you have interesting people in there. Swagger isn’t the best in the world but there’s at least a reason to care about him and more than one note to his character. I’ll take Cesaro being all serious and speaking different languages over HE’S A DANCER IN A WHITE SHIRT any day.

The opening video recaps the main event, which was set up on Vince’s whim. That’s the problem with so much of what the Authority does: whatever happens can be changed by either the two of them or Vince because they’re the ultimate powers. No matter how the story goes, someone with power can come in and change anything at the drop of a hat. Why hasn’t Vince come back and changed something else on a whim? Eh no real reason other than the plot hasn’t called for it. That’s really bad writing.

Here’s Vince to open things up with talking. Vince talks (see, I told you that’s what he was going to do) about how epic this is really going to be and brings out the Authority because we haven’t heard from them in the first five minutes. The sucking up begins immediately but Vince cuts them off to bring out Cena.

Vince recaps the main event as we’re just burning through pay per view time here. Cena asks if the Authority will leave on their own accord if they lose tonight. HHH says that Cena is going to have a bad holiday because four men’s responsibilities will be on his head after tonight. Those four men are going to be forgotten about because they’re the ones with everything to lose. Cena will keep his job because he’s such a big star, but he’ll have that on his head forever.

Stephanie suggests that someone on Team Cena will turn on him because they have to think of themselves. She says the Authority will still have their jobs at headquarters and run things from afar, but Vince says not so fast. They’ll still have desk jobs and be in charge of different departments but they’ll have no authority on screen.

One more thing: if the Authority does lose tonight, only Cena can bring them back. That’s the moment where they gave away the ending and everyone knew the Authority would be back by the end of the year at the latest. Stephanie goes into full STEPHANIE IS SHOUTING mode but Cena says the Authority will lose tonight.

So to recap the recap (which took us to fifteen minutes into the show): the Authority will still have jobs and huge salaries but they just don’t have to deal with the headaches of running the show. On top of that, Cena can bring them back because FOREVER means until Cena says otherwise. This is all stuff that could have been done on Raw but why not waste pay per view time on it. I know their line is “But it’s a free month on the Network!” That’s not an excuse to do something stupid like this as it’s a really bad way to get the show going when this could have been done in five minutes on any given TV show.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Los Matadores vs. Goldust/Stardust

Goldust and Stardust (villains here) are defending and Mizdow is one of the most popular guys on the roster because of how hard he’s been working with the stunt double character. Diego and Stardust start things off as Cole reads Stardust’s latest riddle. A quick rollup gets two on Stardust before it’s off to Miz who is stopped by OLE! Mizdow does his stunt double stuff on the floor as JBL talks about Papa Shango putting a curse on Mizdow years ago. This isn’t a rousing start to the commentary tonight.

Miz won’t tag out, again missing the point of having a stunt double. Jey comes in to chop Diego but Goldust tags himself in and chinlocks the Samoan. The fans continue to want Mizdow but Stardust waves them off and uppercuts Jey instead. This time it’s Miz tagging himself in but Fernando tags Jey and flips off the top and onto Miz.

It’s FINALLY off to Mizdow, only to have Goldust tag himself in ten seconds later to bring the crowd back to silence. Lawler brings up a great point: if Mizdow comes in and Miz is on the apron, shouldn’t Mizdow just stand there? Stardust comes in and stomps Fernando before cranking on both arms to slow things down a bit. Goldust stomps Fernando on the floor (brothers think alike) and we hit the chinlock. Things stay slow as we hear about Grumpy Cat appearing on Raw. I had been trying to forget that guys.

Stardust loads up what looks like a Tombstone but Fernando spins out into a tornado DDT (good one too) and it’s off to Jimmy. Now we pick things up a bit with the Usos cleaning house with Umaga attacks and superkicks (and a shaking camera, which has happened multiple times tonight). Goldust powerslams Jimmy down for two but the double Uso dive takes down a few people.

There’s the Falling Star from Stardust, giving us this brilliant exchange: Cole: “That’s the Falling Star!” “JBL: “I have no idea what that is!” Cole: “It’s the Falling Star!” JBL: “I know!” Torito gets thrown onto the pile and Diego does the same. Back in and a quadruple Tower of Doom takes down Los Matadores and the champs, allowing Mizdow to tag himself in and pin Goldust for the titles at 15:25.

Rating: C. This was a big longer than it needed to be but the payoff was exactly what it needed to be. There was no reason to wait any longer on giving Mizdow something and this opens the door for some new possibilities in the story. The match was fun but they could have cut out a few minutes to make it flow better. It’s fun enough though (annoying commentary aside) and a good way to open the show, after the long talking of course.

Miz takes both titles and Mizdow keeps posing.

Larry the Cable Guy is guest hosting Raw. As usual, WWE is about ten years behind the pop culture times.

Vince will be on the Steve Austin Show. Now that could be entertaining and it kind of was if I remember correctly.

Adam Rose and the Bunny do a toy commercial until Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil come in to set up a match for later. Fans: “NO! NO! NO!” Is it bad that I miss the Bunny and wanted to see more of him?

Team Paige vs. Team Team Fox

Paige, Cameron, Summer Rae, Layla

Alicia Fox, Natalya, Emma, Naomi

Natalya is accompanied by Tyson Kidd, who clearly doesn’t care in a great short run character. Paige and Natalya start things off on the mat and we hit the King’s Court reference which turns into a discussion of Lawler having a foursome. Paige is sent to the floor for a quick spank from Natalya (because of course) before it’s off to Layla vs. Emma, neither of whom are still on the main roster. Lawler: “Emma could trip over cordless phones.” That’s not very hard to do King.

It’s back to Paige for a headbutt and THIS IS MY HOUSE. How can she afford this many houses? Cameron comes in to break up a tag attempt and this could go badly. The fans want Mizdow again and good grief it’s the Daniel Bryan story all over again. You just had him for fifteen minutes when he won a title. Be happy with what you got and shut up already. Emma rolls over and tags Naomi for the big showdown that no one wanted to see. Naomi runs through Cameron and a bad looking wheelbarrow Stunner gets two.

Everything breaks down and Cameron does an awful bulldog, allowing Naomi to roll her up for the elimination at 6:12. Summer kicks Naomi down to take over, only to miss a splash. Fox comes in as the announcers ignore the match to talk about old Survivor Series teams. The heels bail so Fox tries to get a CHICKEN chant started. It’s off to Layla for her bouncy cross body but a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gives Alicia the elimination at 9:29.

Summer comes in and misses a charge, allowing Natalya to dropkick her down. It’s off to Paige who takes over, only to have Summer do Paige’s scream and get decked as a result. Emma comes in for the Dilemma, a forearm to Paige on the apron and the Emma Lock for the submission on Summer at 12:04. So Paige is all alone and starts with Emma, who quickly faceplants her down. Natalya eats a superkick so it’s off to Naomi for the Rear View and the headscissors DDT for the final pin at 14:16.

Rating: D-. Oh sweet goodness the Divas Revolution needed to happen soon. This match felt like it was going on forever with almost none of them looking like they should have been out there this long. Between “CHICKEN! CHICKEN!” and Layla’s face offense under the guise of a heel and Cameron being the disaster that only she can be, this was horrible with Paige and Natalya not being able to hold it together.

Kidd, who didn’t do a thing all match, celebrates more than anyone else in a great touch. That’s the highlight of the last fifteen minutes.

We recap the pre-show, which also included the return of Bad News Barrett. As usual, Cesaro gets left out. The best part: Renee Young with long hair. I had forgotten about that and it says a lot that she’s just as beautiful with her hair hacked off.

The panel talks for a bit.

We recap Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose, which started when Wyatt targeted Ambrose in October for whatever reason Bray picks his next target. There was something about Dean’s dad being in prison but it was never really explained. Ambrose said he didn’t care why Wyatt did it anyway so it didn’t really matter. Tonight is the first match.

Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt

They slug it out to start (shocking) before heading outside (even more shocking) where Dean takes over with some clotheslines. Back in and Bray runs Dean over before knocking a dive out of the air with a right hand. I can never get used to Bray’s blood red tattoos as they always fool me. We hit a seated full nelson on Dean (always nice to see them mix up the rest holds) before he fights up for a double cross body.

They go outside for the third time for a double clothesline and both guys are down again. Back in and Dean takes over before doing Bray’s lean upside down out of the corner in a nice touch. Dean ties him in the ropes and kisses Bray on the head before a dropkick and legdrop get two. Bray counters the Rebound Lariat into a release Rock Bottom for two as this match really hasn’t taken off yet.

The middle rope backsplash misses because it would have killed Dean and the top rope elbow gets two for Ambrose. Back up and Bray EXPLODES with a clothesline and he makes it even worse with another Rock Bottom onto the steps. That’s only good for two so Bray grabs a mic and says they could have ruled the world together. Dean has chosen his path though so Bray grabs a chair and drops to his knees like he did with Cena at Wrestlemania. Dean isn’t Cena though and he hits Bray with the chair for the DQ at 14:00.

Rating: C+. Much like the Cena match at Wrestlemania, this felt a lot more like it was designed to set up something else (which it was) instead of being a big showdown. Bray’s babbling gets to the point where you stop caring what he’s talking about and that doesn’t make for the most interesting matches. No matter how you look at it, the whole thing always feels like you’re waiting on the next big thing, which gets repetitive in a hurry. It’s still a fun brawl though and got going after the first few minutes.

Post match Dean lays Bray out and elbows him through a table. That’s not enough for him as he buries Bray under another table and a pile of chairs. That’s only T and C though so why not pull out a ladder? Dean climbs the ladder but is all like “this is the free month so you have to pay to see me dive off.” Referees won’t let him shove the ladder onto the pile either.

The Authority gives their team a long pep talk, including Stephanie crying at the thought of only having a huge salary and working in an office. This is one of the problems of having such a big main event: there’s so much time to fill which certainly couldn’t have been filled with another Survivor Series match. This talk eats up WAY too much time and is summed up as “we’re betting everything we have tonight so win or else.”

Adam Rose/The Bunny vs. Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil

Slater and the Bunny get things going but Rose tags himself in quickly. Heath gets him on the mat before it’s off to Titus for some forearms to the back. Rose dives over and makes the tag. Lawler: “Maybe we should explain why there’s a bunny in the ring.” Cole: “Well it’s actually a man in a bunny suit.” Good grief just start speaking gibberish to us since they clearly think we’re that stupid. The Bunny pins Slater off a middle rope dropkick.

The Rosebuds leave with the Bunny.

More commercials. Counting the opener, the pep talk and all these commercials, there’s probably been seventeen minutes wasted, or about the same amount of time spent on a quick Survivor Series match.

The injured Roman Reigns has a satellite interview where he talks about wanting to be here punching people. We’ll make it nineteen minutes of filler. Reigns will be back in a month.

Team Cena says they’re ready.

Divas Title: Nikki Bella vs. AJ Lee

AJ is defending and Nikki has Brie as her unwilling assistant. After the big match intros and Brie gets on the apron for a distraction, followed by kissing AJ (and launching a thousand fanfics). The Rack Attack gives us a new champion at 38 seconds in the Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus finish. Allegedly this was the way the match was going the entire time and it wasn’t cut down, making me shake my head even more.

Of course the sisters are back together with an eventual explanation of “we’re sisters.”

Ambrose vs. Wyatt is announced for TLC in the namesake match.

We recap the main event. The Authority is all corrupt so Vince came in and said let’s put their power up against Team Cena. John put together a team of the few people who would fight with him so the Authority made them as miserable as they could. It’s a simple story but they’ve made this feel like a legitimately huge match.

Team Cena vs. Team Authority

John Cena, Big Show, Ryback, Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan

Seth Rollins, Kane, Rusev, Mark Henry, Luke Harper

Cena’s partners’ jobs vs. the Authority’s authority. Harper is Intercontinental Champion and Rusev is the undefeated US Champion. The eleven entrances eat up even more time but in a good way this time. They’ve done a really good job at making this feel like a big deal and it’s working well here. Henry and Show start but HHH has to get in one last pep talk, allowing Show to knock him out for the elimination at 50 seconds.

It’s Rollins in next but Show chops him down to the floor. Kane comes in but Show drags him into the corner for the tag off to Cena, who pounds on Kane even more. Now we get a showdown that the fans find bigger than it probably is with Rowan vs. Harper. This was during that short period where Rowan was a genius, which has been completely forgotten since. Rollins tags himself back in before anything can happen and is immediately caught in the wrong corner.

Ryback comes in to join in on the fun but Rollins tags out to Harper. That’s fine with Ryback as he grabs a vertical suplex, only to get punched in the face by Kane. The big bald is beaten down as well so we’ll try Rusev. A spinebuster ends the slugout but Shell Shock is broken up. Everything breaks down and it’s a Curb Stomp from Rollins and the jumping superkick from Rusev to eliminate Ryback and tie us up.

Show comes back in but Rusev escapes a quick chokeslam attempt and brings in Harper. A dropkick of all things puts Show down and it’s back to Kane for some stomping. Kane follows Harper’s suit with a (basement) dropkick, followed by the Gator Roll (he’s stopped using that) from Harper. Show throws Harper away too so it’s off to Ziggler, who Harper beat (through some shenanigans) to win the title.

The heels start taking over on Ziggler with Kane’s sidewalk slam getting two. A comeback is stopped by a boot to the face and it’s off to Rusev for some knees to the ribs. Ziggler tries to punch Rollins in the face but gets caught in a downward spiral into the corner. We hit the chinlock for a bit before the running DDT plants Rusev. Everything breaks down again and we hit the parade of finishers (always a favorite).

Rollins is thrown onto a pile but Rusev throws Ziggler onto that pile. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Rusev misses Ziggler and splashes through the table instead, leading to a countout at 21:02 to make it 4-3. Cole: “COUNTOUTS ARE A FACTOR! COUNTOUTS ARE A FACTOR! COME ON DOLPH! COME ON DOLPH! ZIGGLER’S IN! ZIGGLER’S IN! RUSEV IS OUT! RUSEV IS OUT!” Get the parrot a cracker and shut him up already.

Back in and the exhausted Ziggler tags Cena for a quick AA to Kane. Rollins makes the save with a Curb Stomp and everyone is down. A double tag brings in Harper and Rowan with Erick cleaning house. Kane’s chokeslam is broken up but the springboard knee from Rollins sets up Harper’s discus lariat to put Rowan out at 24:14. So it’s Show/Cena/Ziggler vs. Rollins/Kane/Harper and we get a big six man staredown….until Show KO’s Cena, turning heel again to fill his quota for the year. Rollins steals the pin to eliminate Cena at 25:11. Now THAT is a shock.

Show stares down at the Authority and then walks out at 26:30, leaving Ziggler down 3-1. Ziggler can barely stand after the long beating he took but it’s now the Shawn formula in 2005. The fans want Orton (who was put out by Rollins a few weeks ago but why have the hometown boy here to make the save when you can have him on a movie set instead? To make it worse, Stephanie chants “OH YEAH! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!” in what was supposed to be cheerleading.

Kane throws Ziggler into the barricade and Rollins drags him over to the corner for some tags to the eliminated partners. Kane’s superplex is broken up though and a quick superkick and Zig Zag make it 2-1 at 29:35. Harper is right in though and kicks Ziggler’s head off to send him outside, followed by a nice suicide shove. A great sounding superkick gets two on Ziggler and the sitout powerbomb amazingly only gets the same. Ziggler somehow grabs a rollup (and jeans) for a fast elimination at 31:35, leaving us one on one.

Dolph can barely stand but he still grabs a DDT for two. Rollins has way more gas though and hammers Ziggler down, only to miss a top rope knee. The Fameasser gets two out of nowhere as HHH and Stephanie are losing their minds on the outside. Noble and Mercury are dispatched and the Zig Zag connects but HHH pulls the referee out at two.

The J’s are dispatched again and Stephanie is knocked off the apron (onto HHH of course because Heaven forbid she not have a soft landing). Another Curb Stomp misses and there’s a second Zig Zag for two with HHH breaking up the pin one more time. HHH beats on Ziggler for a bit and hits a Pedigree…..and there’s a crow.

In one of the biggest surprises of all time, STING makes his WWE debut (with JBL listing off his resume to make sure you know this was planned in advance) and HHH is in shock. Sting decks HHH’s crooked referee and does the big staredown with HHH, setting up the Death Drop (sold really well too). Sting pulls Ziggler on top of Rollins (who hasn’t moved in over six minutes) for the final pin at 44:07.

Rating: A. I liked this even better knowing what was coming. They did a really good job of setting up the story here as both teams were in enough trouble at different points to keep it interesting with the Cena elimination being the biggest of them all. I was genuinely surprised when that happened and it holds up well enough as a moment today. The near falls near the end were great as well, making this a really great match. This should have been a total star making performance for Ziggler but since WWE is in charge, it was pretty much forgotten in about a month.

HHH looks like reality sets in while Stephanie shows her horrible acting skills one more time. For once I’m fine with the focus being on them but good grief that screeching is killing it. On top of that, everyone knew they would be back sooner than later and it didn’t even last a month.

Overall Rating: B-. This is the definition of a one match show and thankfully that one match delivered because the rest of this show was pretty horrible. Everything from the end of Ambrose vs. Wyatt to the start of the main event was a waste of time or boring, as was so often the case in WWE at this point. The main event bails the show out, but that’s the ONLY thing worth watching on here.

Ratings Comparison

Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel

Original: D

2015 Redo: D-

Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger

Original: C-

2015 Redo: C-

Usos vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Goldust/Stardust vs. Los Matadores

Original: C+

2015 Redo: C

Team Paige vs. Team Fox

Original: D-

2015 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt

Original: B-

2015 Redo: C+

Slater Gator vs. Adam Rose/The Bunny

Original: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella

Original: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Team Cena vs. Team Authority

Original: B+

2015 Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C

2015 Redo: B-

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/11/23/survivor-series-2014-i-believe-it/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6