Great American Bash 2000
Date: June 11, 2000
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

Well I figured that since I’m halfway through 2000 I might as well finish the year off and for some reason I thought it would be better to start adding one on to the end at a time. Anyway the main event is Jarrett vs. Nash for the title with a huge swerve that would be blasted from one end of the world to another but that’s expected. The rest of the card is your usual WCW 2000 garbage so let’s get to it.

 

There are cops waiting on Goldberg to get here because I guess he isn’t here yet or something.

 

The opening video talks about the matches tonight, which has Flair vs. Flair and Hogan vs. Billy Kidman. Well ok then. No theme to it or anything, just a list of some matches.

 

Apparently Goldberg has been let out of a Nashville jail. Why is he in it? Who cares. Apparently he was in it though.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco

 

Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and it’s something that the announcers aren’t thrilled with him having. I don’t particularly care since they’re not sure either but apparently it’s something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?

 

Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.

 

Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. It’s not that bad but it’s just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently he’s General Rection’s grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While that’s going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.

 

Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was……well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?

 

Some very bad actors dressed as cops tell Bischoff and Miller that their surprise for Nash is safe.

 

The Mamalukes say they’ll win. This results in a lot of bad Italian stereotypes. Apparently Vito claims to be the Hardcore Champion even though Johnny the Bull was supposed to be.

 

Order this show and get a Hulk Hogan…..inflatable raft? Dude…..why?

 

Kronik vs. Mamalukes

 

Winners are the #1 contenders. During the intros we’re assured that Goldberg WILL NOT be here tonight. Good to know indeed. The winner gets the Perfect Event. Apparently since the Mamalukes are in the New Blood they can defend the title using the Freebird Rule. Vito gets beaten down by Adams to start and they switch off. Clark hits a Rock Bottom to Johnny and the Italians are getting destroyed so far.

 

Vito comes back in and still has the belt on. I have a feeling that’s going to be a running joke here. Clark gets chopped and smacked in the chest a few times as Tony talks about how the Mamalukes walked into WCW and won the tag titles. Yes, that doesn’t bury the division in the slightest. Adams comes in to hammer on Johnny a bit. Full Nelson Slam kills Johnny for two. DDT gets no cover for Johnny as he brings in Vito instead.

 

Not that it really matters as Kronik hammers him down using the power of marijuana. Their name was Kronik and their finisher was called High Times. What do you think they were talking about? Clark botches what would become known as the F5, more or less dropping him on his head for two. Johnny comes in so Vito sits goes over and polishes the belt. A reverse cross body literally misses by four feet and High Times end Johnny a second later. Vito doesn’t seem to mind.

 

Rating: C-. Just a match really as there was no real need for them to fight other than for the sake of being the #1 contenders. Not bad or anything, but I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there. In other words, Russo lives! Let there be no defined faces or heels ever!!!

 

DDP has something special for Mike Awesome apparently.

 

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

 

This is an ambulance match. Page’s surprise is Chris Kanyon in a wheelchair after Awesome threw him off a cage and broke his neck or something. And of course, Kanyon will NEVER turn on DDP EVER! They head to the floor and then the crowd almost immediately. Page gets a shot in to send us back to ringside very quickly as this is a big brawl. They somehow change momentum three times in 10 seconds and make it four in 12.

 

The referee is down also but that’s WCW for you. To the ring now as the referee is getting up a bit. Awesome comes off the top with a back elbow and a belly to back suplex has Page down. Tony thinks it’s odd that there’s no surprise yet, even though Bischoff kept saying it was for NASH, who hadn’t been seen yet. Awesome sets up a table as we talk about Kanyon a bit.

 

Powerbomb through the table as this is a match that was used in a clip on Whose Line Is It Anyway? Page is put on a stretcher because simply throwing him in the ambulance isn’t enough I guess. Awesome gets a chair shot in and we head back to the ring because winning doesn’t matter right? Top rope splash looks to kill Page and the second probably does. A third splash misses as Page is between a pair of chairs this time so he had to move right?

 

Here’s Kimberly because Page is out there. They’re having “problems” which were probably brought on by her heel turn. She hits DDP with a pipe so Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) comes out and drags her off. They’re “having problems” also apparently. Awesome looks for an Awesome Bomb off the top but Page gets a low blow and a Diamond Cutter off the top. The medical people put him on a stretcher and here comes Bischoff to take out Kanyon. And of course Kanyon comes out of his wheelchair and hits a Diamond Cutter to end Page. Awesome wins with ease.

 

Rating: D. The match was junk, but let’s take a look at the angle that ended the match. Kanyon was indeed thrown off a cage to the ramp. It’s not like we saw that off camera or anything. DDP took care of him and then Kanyon betrays him for the people that tried to cripple him in less than a month? Are we really supposed to buy that Awesome was able to convince Kanyon that Page was the bad guy? Or that Kanyon was in on this all along and that he went along with being thrown around like that? And people wonder why Russo’s booking is so criticized.

 

The announcers point out how stupid this is.

 

Shawn Stasiak vs. G.I. Bro

 

And here’s the latest way to waste a guy like Booker: he’s a military guy when there’s already a military themed stable. He comes in on a zip line like Shawn did at Mania 12, but at about 1/3 of the height and 1/10 of the speed. The announces speculate that Kanyon was the surprise because they’re not that smart. Oh apparently Booker is part of the MIA. It just wasn’t mentioned until here.

 

This is a Boot Camp match, which means Last Man Standing. Why they’re fighting isn’t required information but I’d bet it’s MIA vs. New Blood. They’re both in camo here because that’s what you do in the army right? Booker takes him to the floor and hammers away as we go into the crowd. WEAK chair to the head (drawing slight booing) takes down Stasiak for all of a second. A horrible top rope forearm gets about seven.

 

Oh and don’t worry: we’re willing to cut away to the back at the drop of a hat if Goldberg arrives. You know, because you paid your money to see a car pull into a parking lot 45 minutes into a show right? Jumping back elbow puts Booker down and they actually treat it like a move that could end this. Big spinwheel kick by Booker takes him down for no reaction for the most part.

 

Stasiak sends him to the floor and we head to the ramp for a suplex. Back in the ring as there’s no heat on this match in the slightest. Back to the floor again as they have no idea what to do with nearly 14 minutes total for this match. Chair shot puts Booker down on the floor and back in the ring a gutwrench powerbomb gets 9. Time for a sleeper because this match isn’t boring enough already.

 

The fans chant boring and I can’t blame them in the slightest. This is what we mean when we say adding a gimmick for the sake of adding a gimmick. They can’t even explain why these two are fighting and yet we’re supposed to want to see a gimmick match between them an hour into the show in the fifth slot? There’s no heat here and the only reason this gimmick is here is because someone has a military gimmick.

 

Book End hits out of nowhere and I don’t bother waiting to hear what the stupid military name of that is. They call it a uranage suplex here but screw that. Of course it only gets like five but it sets up the missile dropkick, as in both of his finishers that can’t take down Stasiak. Palumbo, Stasiak’s partner, comes out with the Lex-Flexor exercise bar but hits Booker low anyway. A shot to the back of Booker puts him down as Tony rants against relaxed rules in a match with no rules. Booker gets up and mostly hits a double clothesline and beats up the tag champions on his own. A shot to Stasiak with the flexor ends this.

 

Rating: D-. Oh give me a break. Someone thought that Shawn freaking Stasiak was the best use of Booker T here? I mean come on now man. There was zero reason at all for this to be a gimmick match in the slightest so they went with it anyway. Guess what is up next: a gimmick match. After that, another gimmick match. Before this, another gimmick match. This is a great example of Russo’s writing in a nutshell and one of the better ones you’ll ever see. Oh and the match sucked, easily the worst last man standing match I’ve ever seen.

 

Goldberg’s monster truck is here.

 

Page might still be here.

 

Kanyon says he’s positive DDP is gone. Make that Positively Kanyon. This was the start of Kanyon’s newest gimmick: he would imitate Page who had a new book out called Positively Page. This, of course, went nowhere of note. This somehow translates to Bischoff got to Kanyon in the hospital and brainwashed him. I give up.

 

The Wall vs. Shane Douglas

 

Douglas curses a lot before the match and apparently doesn’t like Flair and Hogan. Now this is no longer a tables match as we’re going to make it a best of five tables matches with Shane saying now we’re guaranteed five tables being broken. Thank you for admitting you’re going through at least two Shane. Ok now you have to put someone through five tables to win. PICK A RULE ALREADY!

 

It’s first to five now. Ok, let’s stick with that. Wall has a really stupid looking black goatee now so he looks like a cross between Hitler and Kurrgan. Again no reason given for why they’re fighting or anything because that would be important information right? Standard match to start as we continue to waste more time on this show. Douglas hits a suplex and a reverse Hennig neck snap.

 

Wall is sent onto a table but not through it. No one has gone through anything yet. They fight on the floor in maybe second gear at best. Shane tries a suplex through it but gets countered and Wall hits a chokeslam to go up 1-0. Wall blocks a shot into the post and gets a release belly to back suplex through the table as they change the rules in the middle of the match to make it best of five instead of first to five.

 

Back in the ring as Shane is totally fine after a pair of table breaks with a low blow. Shane wants to take it to the back but settles for by the stage instead. What a shock: there are a bunch of tables there with a ladder next to them. Shane goes up the ladder and there are either two tables on a stage or three in a row with a cloth over the bottom one. Wall has his back to the tables but wants a chokeslam anyway. Shane knocks him through it with brass knuckles as all of a sudden it’s just TWO tables again but they say Shane wins anyway as it switches from 3 to 2 to 3 again inside of five seconds. Just go on already.

 

Rating: F+. We get it: you can have gimmick matches. Was there a point to having this be a table match? Or even to have the match in the first place? NOT IMPORTANT!!! This is yet another stupid gimmick match as Russo treats its fans like idiots that are going to be easily fascinated by things being broken. Whatever dude.

 

Wall puts the referee through a table post match just because.

 

Hogan arrives, 75 minutes into the show in an old school Dodge Charger.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbot

 

Scott is US Champion here and this may or may not be for the title. We’ll say it is anyway as it would make sense…..yeah let’s just go with non-title. It’s also in the Steel Asylum. Here’s another brilliant idea of WCW. The Asylum is a small round cage about 10 feet in diameter that is lowered into the ring. No ropes or anything, just a small cage. And now Rick Steiner is added to the match to make it a handicap. Well sure why not.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

 

Scott is a face here if that wasn’t clear. Rick and Tank double team him for awhile and here comes the cage. The fans chant for Goldberg but even he couldn’t save something this stupid. They destroy Scott for a minute or so until Tank pulls out a chain. Rick pulls a Lee Corso (that name won’t mean anything to you if you’re not from America or into college football) and says not so fast my friend. Abbott hits Rick with the chain, Scott gets a low blow, Recliner keeps the title on him. Ok so it was for the title. Good thing they waited until after the match to tell us it was in jeopardy no?

 

Rating: J. As in just….no. It runs less than four minutes, two of which are spent hammering on Scott before the whole cage thing came down. The stuff inside the little ring of death or whatever is maybe 90 seconds long and the whole thing is just stupid. I guess this was so they didn’t need to have Steiner run or whatever. Just move on.

 

Flair is here, looking like Doc Brown from Back to the Future goes Hawaiian.

 

We recap Hogan vs. Kidman. Kidman got a fluke win over Hogan so this is the rematch. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot next month (oh boy. It’s THAT show) and if Kidman wins, Hogan retires. Hogan’s nephew Horace is refereeing and doesn’t like his uncle.

 

Hogan says that he’s not worried here because blood is thicker than New Blood. So old > new. It’s like Hogan’s whole belief system broken down into one sentence. He mentions Goldberg and Nash and says if he gets into that it’ll be the good, the bad and the ugly.

 

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

 

Horace comes out with Kidman. Kidman has some Shawn Michaels like pyro. It’s the NWO theme for Hulk here. Kidman goes straight at him….and is destroyed pretty quickly. There’s the big boot maybe a minute in so Kidman hits the floor. Torrie has turned her back on Kidman. Meaning she WILL NOT be here right? Kidman has had no offense at all so far.

 

Back to the ring and it’s time for choking. Hogan gets in Horace’s face which of course goes nowhere. Kidman comes back with some choking but a low blow with Horace looking right at them is ignored. Here’s the weightlifting belt which is Hogan going EXTREME I guess. Back to the floor and Kidman dropkicks a chair into the face of baldie. That gets two in the ring as this is as riveting as it sounds.

 

Hogan continues to do almost nothing but punch and choke. Oh wait he rammed him into the railing twice. Hudson makes sure to let us know that we’re here because of Hogan and no one else PERIOD. Back to the ring as Kidman hits a DDT onto the chair that is so bad it’s booed before Kidman can even cover. I mean Kidman is off Hogan who then SLOWLY lowers his head down onto the chair. This is horrible.

 

Kidman gets two again and yells at Horace for calling it unfairly or something. The fans chant for Hogan who I think is the face here, making him out to be a huge bully for hammering on a guy half his size. Here comes the Hulk Up against the guy called the Flea Market Champion. There are ten punches in the corner and a running clothesline. Back to the floor for like the 4^th time and Kidman is tossed through the table.

 

Here’s Torrie so at least we have something to look at now. She hands Hulk brass knuckles because he needs them I guess. Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie and her ankle is hurt. Kidman gets a shot with the knuckles in for two. Horace shoves Kidman and now let’s get stupid as Kidman hits Horace with the knuckles. So if they were still on his hand, why didn’t he hit Hogan with them again instead of choking him? Torrie hits Kidman low and a shot with the knucks to Kidman ends this. Oh and Hulk and Horace are cool again.

 

Rating: D-. Hey look: another stupid match with a way overbooked ending and a gimmick to it. Hogan was never going to job to Kidman twice and now Kidman looks like just as much of a joke as he did before this whole Hogan thing. It’s the difference between a rub and being in the ring with someone. He wouldn’t do anything after this other than feud with Shane Douglas which went nowhere. It’s not a failure because Torrie looked good and that’s about it.

 

Bischoff yells at a cop about life in general.

 

Bash at the Beach is coming, sponsored by Master Lock. Yes, a lock company is the best they can get at this point.

 

We recap David Flair vs. Ric Flair with the idea being that Russo has brainwashed David into thinking that Russo is the father that David never have and it’s a big Ric vs. Russo thing.

 

Russo says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric’s family shows up.

 

Ric Flair vs. David Flair

 

If Ric loses he has to retire FOREVER (which is how it says it on the graphics). With Russo on the floor we actually gets some wrestling here as Ric does most of the work, namely because he has about 100x the talent. David chops away in the corner and actually takes over for a bit. You know Ric is going to sell for his oldest boy. Ric gets sent into the railing and takes a decent delayed vertical suplex for no cover.

 

And so much for David’s decent run as we hit a bad sleeper. Ric suplexes out of it and we have a very basic match going here. David’s shirt comes off as this is going very slowly here. Out to the floor as Ric takes over again. We need to get to the next match so I can use last names again. Russo interferes and takes out the knee of Ric and handcuffs him. So the referee had his back to Ric and Russo and all of a sudden Ric is in handcuffs….AND THAT’S ALL COOL??? And people wonder why this company was called stupid.

 

David puts on the Figure Four which gets him nowhere for the most part. It does get Russo to hold his hands. Does that mean they’re going steady? Reid Flair jumps the railing and hits Russo in the balls and steals the handcuff key. The referee gets the key as David beats up his brother and frees Ric. Ric’s wife or daughter (like you can tell) cuffs Russo and Ric taunts him a bit. Ric beats on David for awhile before putting him out of his misery with the Figure Four.

 

Rating: C. Somehow this was by far and away the best match of the night so far unless I’m forgetting something. It’s not that bad, mainly because they let Ric walk the far more inexperienced David through it. They didn’t try to make this too complicated and that fits because David had very little experience and his character wasn’t much of a wrestler anyway. Not too bad here I guess, all things considered.

 

Ric chops Russo a bit post match. Russo rants about various things, making a match for tomorrow night between Ric/Reid vs. Russo/David in another retirement match which would retire Flair.

 

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting with the idea being that it’s a human torch match. You have to light the other person on fire to win. That’s nothing like the Inferno match at all is it?

 

Vampiro vs. Sting

 

There’s a torch up by the video screen that you have to climb a ladder to get to. This isn’t going to end well is it? Vampiro lights the torch and has a gas can near it. There’s an ambulance and firefighters here for this. Russo must be loving this. Sting pulls the torch up above the screen as I mentioned before. Sting wants to know if Vampiro is afraid of heights because if Vampy wants Sting he has to come up here.

 

Vampiro yells a lot and we stand around a lot. Sting repels down and it’s time for the actual match to start. They fight in the ring as I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Spinwheel kick takes Sting down so Sting comes back even faster with a powerslam and a bunch of clotheslines. Stinger splash misses in the corner so Vampiro pours gasoline on Sting.

 

As always, in a huge arena, the announcers can smell the fuel many feet away. They fight up the ramp and climb up the structure with Sting getting kicked off. The announcers say that’s it so Vampiro keeps climbing. Sting climbs up anyway and there go the lights as we attempt to conceal the obvious switch that is coming up. They “fight” on top of the screen and even with the camera where it is you can barely see anything.

 

And them Vampy grabs the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting dives off the screen to a crash pad and Vampiro wins. He must have really been burned badly because between falling down up there and the jump he lost about 3 inches of hair and shrunk a good 4 inches. That’s some powerful fire.

 

Rating: N/A. Yeah this wasn’t wrestling. This is one of those matches that is so stupid it defies logic. This is what I recommend doing in this situation: picture the booker/writer pitching this idea to say Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz and Harley Race. If the reaction is either a blank stare, massive amounts of angry cursing or a right cross, IT’S NOT A GOOD FREAKING IDEA!

 

Bischoff is talked to by some blonde chick in the back and doesn’t want to talk right now. There’s no big surprise. What is this, Monster A Go-Go?

 

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

 

Let’s get this over with. Ernest Miller comes out before the match and introduces the Filthy Animals, as in New Blood cronies (despite them leaving like a week before) to be bell ringer and time keeper and all that jazz. Oh and Miller is referee. Nash shoves him around a lot to start until the Animals distract Nash to let Jarrett taker over. Jeff is champion if I didn’t mention that.

 

Miller is on the floor. Nash hammers on Jarrett and literally everyone stops to look at the entrance and nothing happens. Now back to the match. Weird indeed. Snake Eyes puts Jarrett into the replacement announce table and we go into the crowd. Back to the ring after Nash beats on Jarrett a bit and it’s Jeff with chair shots to the knee. This is one of those matches where stuff goes on but nothing is really happening.

 

Jarrett works on the leg for a good while as we’re clearly filling in time before the whole surprise thing happens. No one buys that the surprise isn’t happen, so I don’t know why we have to waste 15 minutes before we get to it. Half crab to Nash who won’t give up because raising your arm three times in a row is too much effort I guess. There’s the figure four as we waste even more time.

 

The hold goes on for a very long time to the point where most people would have broken their leg already but since it’s Nash he gets to just roll around a bit while barely grimacing. Nash tries to get to his feet but Konnan hits him in the hands with the bell for a two count for Jeff. Nash, despite being in the figure four for two minutes after about five minutes of leg work and a shot to the head with a metal bell from a professional athlete, is able to take over and actually run to the corner to take out Rey.

 

Belt shot gets two as Disco makes the save. Juvy gets in a chair shot to take over as the fans chant for Goldberg. Miller comes in to referee with a two count as this is a total mess. The Animals get beaten down as Nash is fighting seven guys to a stalemate. Jarrett, the world champion, hits his finisher for only two. Well of course it was only two. I mean he’s just the world champion after all.

 

Guitar shot misses and Jarrett walks into a chokeslam for two as Miller has something in his eye. Tony actually shouts BOGUS a few times. Powerbomb to Miller and one to Jarrett but the third referee is taken out by Rick Steiner. Tank Abbott tries to come out but somehow Scott Steiner cuts him off. If Steiner wanted to help, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT GUYS ON NASH???

 

Everyone beats on Nash including a Bronco Buster from an unmasked Rey. And cue a big noise as Goldberg is here in his monster truck. Maybe that’s what the sound was earlier? His music kicks on and the place erupts. Goldberg is here….and he joins the New Blood with one of the worst spears you’ll ever see. Yes, the ultra star of the company, the ONE guy they still had that was a big face draw, is added to the super heel group as a Bischoff/Jarrett/Russo lackey. Jarrett gets the academic pin and the SHOCKED celebration ends this mess.

 

Rating: F. You mean, in a Bischoff/Russo booked company, there was a big time face that apparently had been in league with the big heel group the entire time and it was SHOCKING to end a PPV? WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? The match was awful as Nash wouldn’t sell, the insanity of it was stupid, and Jarrett looked like a guy off Tough Enough.

 

Trash pelts the ring to end this show.

 

Overall Rating: F-. I have no idea what they were going for here but it was one of the worst shows I’ve watched in a long time. The gimmicks were WAY too much and none of them worked at all. You had some bad wrestling, horrid gimmicks, a REALLY stupid heel turn to end the show, and Hogan as #1 contender. Let’s talk about that heel turn for a bit actually.

 

In essence what they were going with was Nash, Hogan and Steiner as the top faces against Bischoff, Russo, Jarrett and Goldberg. In other words, the old guys are the faces and the young guys (if Jarrett counts as a young guy) are the heels. There was one issue with this: Goldberg was so ridiculously popular at this point that he was cheered every time he was on camera, which shows one of two things.

 

One, Russo has no idea what a face is. Oh wait, according to him faces and heels mean nothing. Second, WCW is really freaking stupid. That much is a given so let’s go back to the first part. Assuming what he says is true (it isn’t) then why are there factions or matches at all? Oh that’s right again: Russo doesn’t like having wrestling on his shows. Tell me again, why is this guy praised so much?

 

Anyway, AWFUL show here and somehow it would only get worse with the absolute mess they had the next month with Hogan and Russo clashing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 15, 1999
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 13,146
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’ve only got two weeks left before Wrestlemania and the card is pretty much ready to go. Well in the world of logical booking and common sense it is. The Wrestlemania 15 card will change a lot tonight for reasons that I’m sure will make me roll my eyes and want to punch someone in the face over. Also hopefully Paul Wight is dubbed Big Show soon because it’s hard not to call him that. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Rock and Big Show’s (finally called that) issues. Rock slapped Big Show last night on Heat before Big Show lifted the ring off the floor. Why Rock didn’t just hop out is beyond me.

Here’s Rock to open the show. I love how he holds the belt in his arm like a football. He talks about how Austin has 13 days before the beating of his life, but the fans stop him to say that Rocky sucks. Austin should go lay down on the train tracks because the Smackdown Express is about to run him over. As for Big Show, Rock knew he couldn’t trust him but it’s clear that Austin and Big Show are in cahoots. He wants Vince out here right now or he’ll kick his roody poo candy…..but Rock has to stop to remind the fans that THIS IS NOT SING A LONG WITH THE ROCK!

Anyway cue Vince who looks very annoyed at this inconvenience. He thinks that Rock is cooking a big load of monkey crap because all this Rock stuff is going to the champ’s head. Maybe Dwayne needs a reality check. Vince asks Rock about the stuff the McMahon family has done for Rock’s family and says that the championship belongs to Vince, not the Rock. However, Rock isn’t going to lose that title to Austin. Vince’s family has been looking out for Rock’s family for three generations so he’s going to protect Rock now. He’s brought in Big Show to help Rock and the Corporation and Show has done a lot for Rock already.

This brings out Big Show himself and he’s not pleased with what Vince is implying about him. Maybe Big Show should cash in one of his big checks on the Rock and then use the change on Vince. McMahon says he pays Big Show and that means Big Show does what he says. Show chokes Vince into the corner but Vince says this is what Austin and the people want. Instead, they’re going to get Rock and Big Show vs. Mankind and Austin. Rock and Big Show shake hands,

Some construction guys come out and start building a table in front of the regular announce table. They don’t know why they’re doing it but apparently that’s their assignment.

Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Val Venis

This is because Venis, the champion, pinned Road Dogg in a tag match on Heat. Trust me: that’s far from the most backwards thing tonight. Road Dogg says he’ll win and become the Intercontinental Champion of the world. Dogg misses a charges into the corner to start and Val pounds away. A spinebuster gets two for the champion as do some elbows. Apparently Venis has guaranteed a win in three minutes.

There’s a powerslam to the Dogg but the Money Shot misses. Dogg starts pounding away and hits the shaky knee drop and a pumphandle slam for two. The construction guys are still working and have a power saw going. A snap suplex gets two for Val but Roadie catches him in a DDT for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing of note and I really have no idea why the title change happened. Val wasn’t the best champion ever but he had a feud going on for the title with three other guys, but now Road Dogg is champion. Nothing to see here as the main focus was on the carpenters at ringside.

Rock tells Big Show he can win the tag match by himself.

DX celebrates Road Dogg’s new title in the back. Billy apparently wants a shot.

Here’s Shane to say that beating X-Pac at Wrestlemania will be as easy as 1-2-3. Kid. Eh point for a funny line. Anyway, right now he’s going to challenge the Legion of Doom to a handicap match……and it’s Patterson and Brisco in LOD attire.

Shane McMahon vs. Legion of Doom

Vince is on commentary. This is exactly what you would expect as Shane destroys the “LOD”. Brisco is Hawk in case you were wondering. Both guys get Bronco Busters as X-Pac is watching in the back. Shane hits them both with the European Title and gets a double pin. This was a long joke, not a match.

As the McMahons leave, Undertaker’s voice comes over the speakers and we get a shot of apparently Vince’s house. Taker says a woman is coming home soon. The Ministry is at Vince’s house and apparently they’re trying to get in.

Vince calls his security company but they’re not at the house yet.

Cue JR and Steve Williams. Apparently JR is going to do his own commentary and the carpenters were building him his own announce table. Yes, this is what we’ve spent 20 minutes setting up. The table says JR is Raw.

Tag Titles: Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart vs. Public Enemy

Earlier today the challengers said they don’t want anything handed to them. It’s a big brawl to start and Rocco almost immediately tries to put Jarrett through a table. We hear about people being annoyed at where Public Enemy used to work (both ECW and WCW) as Owen hammers away on Rocco. The champions (Jarrett and Hart of course) split Rocco’s legs before it’s back to Hart to pound away in the corner. Rocco avoids a charge into the corner and it’s hot tag to Johnny. He cleans house and there’s a guitar shot, leading to the pin for Jarrett. This was like 90 seconds.

JR thanks the fans for their support as Jerry and Cole talk about the match.

The cops won’t go to Vince’s house because they think it’s a publicity stunt.

Post break Vince is upset because no one will answer. Shane offers to call his friends to go help but there’s a phone call from Undertaker. Apparently Undertaker asks if Vince knows where his family is.

A steel cage is lowered.

Wrestlemania is coming.

Vince has a meeting with the Corporation.

Mankind is sitting inside a shark’s mouth (literally) and says he’s going to give Mr. Socko a bath with Paul Wight’s saliva.

Mideon vs. Big Bossman

This is inside a cage and Mideon is here all alone tonight. Apparently this is a Hard Time cage match, whatever that means. You win by escape only and Boss Man dominates Mideon to start. A splash in the corner puts Mideon down and Boss Man throws him face first into the cage. Boss Man pulls out a chain and blasts Mideon in the face for good measure. Here’s the rest of the Corporation as the cage door is open. The beatdown is on and the match is again thrown out after about two minutes.

Vince talks to Undertaker, saying that if Undertaker doesn’t leave Vince’s home, Mideon will be destroyed. We cut to a shot of Vince’s house where Taker says his men exist to die for him. Taker says he’s going to do what he has to do and a car pulls up. The feed cuts out and we go to a commercial.

Post break Vince and company are panicking while trying to get someone on the phone.

Now, let’s go to the Playboy Mansion with Lawler getting a tour. If you can’t figure out what’s going on here, you’re in the wrong review. The acting on this is worse than almost anything else I can remember in WWE. The King is thrown out of course.

Here’s Sable to show us the entire Playboy spread. I’m sure. She’s basically in S&M gear here and shows us the pictures. They’re censored of course, making this rather pointless. If the fans want to see the uncensored ones, they have to pay. Anyway, this brings out Tori who now has entrance music. She insists she’s as good as Sable and won’t stand in the shadow any longer. Tori offers to show everything she has. Her voice sounds like it’s coming from a machine. A challenge is made and accepted for Wrestlemania. Tori strips to some very large underwear.

Cops arrive at Vince’s house and look around to see if there’s anything to Vince’s claims.

We go from that to a video on how tough things are on the mean streets of Greenwich, Connecticut, featuring the Mean Street Posse.

Hardcore Title: Billy Gunn vs. Hardcore Holly

Gunn is challenging of course. It’s a brawl to start and odds are that’s what we’re going to see for awhile here. Gunn is sent to the floor and Holly pulls out a garbage can for a hard shot to the head. Billy comes back with a whip into the steps for two but a piledriver on the floor is blocked, as it always is. They head inside with Billy breaking a broomstick over Holly’s back. A shot to the throat gets two on Holly and it’s chair time.

Holly comes back with a facejam onto the chair and a clothesline to put Gunn on the outside. Gunn tries a comeback but walks into a drink to the head as we go back inside. A chair to Billy’s head gets two but Holly is thrown onto JR’s table, apparently knocking the signal out. Cole and Jerry can still talk though and they get to call Billy hitting a Fameasser onto the chair for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. So yeah, Russo’s BRILLIANT conclusion to two simultaneous midcard title feuds is to swap the champions out for each other. Gunn would defend the Hardcore Title in a three way at Mania and Road Dogg would be in the fourway. The problem is none of those challengers have any issues with either respective champion, so the matches wound up being worthless. But hey, it’s a SWERVE you see? Who needs logical storytelling when you can have SWERVES?

Vince is told the cops left but gets a call from Undertaker, saying that he’s going to be the father that Vince never could be, or maybe he could just torture her. Who this “her” is hasn’t been revealed yet. Taker’s symbol is burning on Vince’s lawn.

Here’s HHH with something to say. Apparently Chyna has a partially burned retina. HHH is mad that it was his eye that Kane was shooting for, so get out here right now for a burning. Cue Kane and the brawl is on in the aisle. As they fight at ringside, here comes Vince with his head hanging down. Vince wants Kane to try to talk to Undertaker (Vince’s voice is mic’d here but his hands are empty) but HHH won’t let Kane leave. Kane shakes his head no…..and unmasks to reveal Undertaker. The lights go out and Taker says he can get Vince anytime anywhere. Kane’s pyro goes off and his music plays to end this stupid segment.

Seriously, what in the world is going on here? Presumably Undertaker wasn’t ever in Connecticut (remember this show is in California), but we saw him on camera there, as we saw the cop. Even if it does make sense, it’s WAY more complicated than it needs to be, much like this entire angle.

Wrestlemania ad.

The Stooges try to console Vince.

Mankind/Steve Austin vs. Big Show/The Rock

Rock says that he’s going to win at Wrestlemania before we get going here. Mankind gets beaten down before Austin gets here, only to have the Rattlesnake come in and make the save. Austin and Rock get things going with Austin hitting the Thesz Press before he even takes the vest off. Off to Mankind who is punched in the face by the world champion. Mankind comes back with some right hands to the head and the running knee to a seated Rock in the corner.

Back to Austin as Rock is in big trouble. There’s a sleeper by Austin but Rock rams him into the corner for the break. Rock charges into a boot in the corner but rolls to the floor to avoid a Stunner. The champ tries to leave but you know Austin isn’t letting something like that happen. Back in and a bad looking spinebuster gets two on Rock before it’s back to Mankind for his own version of the People’s Elbow. Mankind hits the ropes once too often though, allowing Big Show to kick him in the back of the head. That and a DDT are enough for a two count for Rock.

Off to Big Show for the first time as the fans chant for Austin. Thankfully we don’t have JR on commentary anymore, but it means that Cole and Lawler can talk about how huge a deal that was for Vince. Big Show chokes away with those long legs in the corner as he makes the 6’4 Mankind look tiny. A Russian legsweep puts Mankind down and it’s back to the champion. Austin breaks up a near fall off the People’s Elbow but it’s back to Big Show for more punishment on Mankind.

Show chokes with the ropes as Rock draws Austin in again, allowing for a low blow. Rock brags a bit too much though and gets caught in a double arm DDT to put both guys down. There’s the hot tag to Austin and Rock freaks. Austin stomps a mudhole in Rock’s chest but has to fight out of a Rock Bottom attempt. Instead it’s a neckbreaker getting two for Austin but everything breaks down. Everyone goes to the floor and the match is thrown out.

Rating: C. Rock vs. Austin is always worth seeing and I can’t complain a bit about putting both big matches from Wrestlemania into a tag match like this. It was a regular main event tag match other than that though so it’s hard to complain here. The match wasn’t anything of note and the ending sucked, but the rest of it wasn’t bad. That’s as back and forth as I can get so we’ll say the rating is right in the middle.

Austin and Rock go through the announce table, which means Big Show isn’t doing his job.

Overall Rating: D. This is Russo when he’s getting WAY too much freedom. I felt like I was watching a low budget horror movie here with some screwball comedy thrown in. The midcard title swap makes NO sense and is as stupid of an idea as they could have had. It makes the matches worthless and throws out weeks of buildup. Then there’s the Undertaker stuff which feels like it’s out of a low budget Halloween ripoff. There was almost nothing good here and it’s hard to imagine we’re two weeks from Wrestlemania.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Lockdown 2007
Date: April 15, 2007
Location: Family Arena, Saint Charles, Missouri
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

Back to TNA now for a show that apparently holds the record for highest PPV attendance. This is the usual deal where everything is in a cage. The main event is Lethal Lockdown, which is their version of WarGames. The teams tonight are Team Cage vs. Team Angle which is a feud that went on forever. Anyway let’s get to it.

The opening video is about prisons. Makes sense. It shifts into a video about how deadly the main event is.

Lethal, who is pretty freshly Black Machismo, as in he started it ten days earlier, says he’s going to win the title tonight.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy

Sabin is champion and this is an Xscape match, as in first one out is the winner. They tried this a bunch of times but they screwed it up by having like ten people in it. Five is about perfect. Lethal has Nash with him. The cage is kind of different as it looks like the old cage with the squares in the walls, but they’re a lot smaller. I like it. And they have to tag. What exactly are the rules for this thing? That’s not worth letting us know, because we need to talk about the main event.

Dutt and Sabin start. If I remember right, it’s elimination rules and when you get down to the final two it’s escape only. Hey I’m right. Sabin and Shelley try to cheat but Sabin has to put the brakes on. Dutt does his flips but gets placed on the top rope. Sabin sets for a superplex but Shark Boy walks the ropes and tags himself in for a three man Tower of Doom.

Sharky vs. Shelley now and a neckbreaker gets two for the fish. Hurricanrana and a missile dropkick get two. Sabin and Shelley work together a bit more but Shark Boy easily takes care of both of them. To be fair the Guns weren’t a team in TNA yet but this would be their first date for lack of a better term. Sharky tries Diamond Dust but gets caught in a reverse DDT by Shelley. A double legdrop via the Guns take care of him and we’re down to four.

Lethal is in next to a big reaction. Lethal works over Alex but Sabin interferes again and Shelley hits a top rope jawbreaker to put Lethal down. Sabin goes over and blasts Dutt for no apparent reason. Not a nice guy. Sabin vs. Lethal now with Sabin firing off a rapid fire Garvin Stomp. The Guns hit some stuff that would become signature moves over the years. The fans love Shelley.

The Guns beat on Dutt as only they can. Off to Lethal and things speed up again. He fires off a ton of rights to Sabin but the Guns are too much for him. The sequence where they get Lethal on the mat with Shelley having him in a neckbreaker position so Sabin can hit a running dropkick gets two. Dutt tries a springboard double clothesline but slips off so he hits Shelley but the wrong side of him.

Dutt hits an Asai Moonsault press but the Guns are too much for him as Shelley hits a Stunner and crossface style hold. It’s a tag match now and the non-Guns have stereo submissions on. The ASCS Rush puts Lethal down and a wicked Cradle Shock gets rid of Dutt. Lethal hits Lethal Combinations on both guys and the top rope elbow gets us down to two. Now it’s just escape. Lethal takes over and they both climb. They get on the top and both climb down but Sabin gets a kick to knock him into the cage, allowing Chris to drop to the floor to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a very solid opener with the crowd getting way into the Guns. They would officially unite by the end of the month, starting off a multi-year run which is still technically going despite injuries. Lethal would get the title during the summer, holding it for a whopping two days! The Guns would somehow not win the tag titles until 2010.

Team Cage (world champion Christian Cage, Tomko, Steiner, AJ and Abyss) says they’ll win but Tomko and Abyss almost get into a fight. Christian points out that Team Angle arrived separately. They don’t like Jarrett, who is the last member of Team Angle. If any member of Team Cage gets the winning fall, they get a title shot. This turns into Steiner and Tomko arguing about Christmas.

We recap Roode vs. Young which is still going on. The idea is that Young signed a contract with Young after getting screwed by Miss Brooks. This would be probably the peak of Young’s popularity. Young talked about having a friend who would help him and Petey Williams started helping him. That’s not the friend, who would be revealed in a few weeks.

Petey Williams vs. Robert Roode

Roode is the rich dude still. Young is with Roode and gets yelled at before the match. Petey hammers away to start and controls early with speed and stomping. Springboard Codebreaker gets two. Williams does the Tree of Woe spot where he stands on Roode’s balls and sings O Canada. Roode manages to send him into the buckle to shift momentum and I remember why I never wanted to see him get a singles push.

Roode is just totally uninteresting at this point. If you think he’s boring now, today’s Roode has NOTHING on 07 Roode. A SICK clothesline puts Williams down and Eric is just kind of sitting there and doesn’t like what he’s seeing. Middle rope kneedrop gets two. Off to the chinlock. Petey makes a comeback and tries a crucifix for two but he eats cage to break that up. I don’t remember anyone else going into the cage all night until then.

Rock Bottom gets two. Brooks tries to send in a hockey stick but Young makes the save. Williams hits something that we miss as Brooks and Eric are fighting outside. Williams hits a rana back inside as the camera is from above the cage for some reason. The camera goes back to Young so AGAIN we miss whatever Petey uses for two. A dropkick doesn’t hit Roode but he goes into the corner anyway.

Despite that PAINFUL missing dropkick, Roode hits a spinebuster for two. The Canadian sitcom on the floor continues as Roode demands the hockey stick, but Petey hits a cool DDT for two. Now Petey asks for the stick and a few shots with it take Roode down. And Hebner intercepts it because we can’t have weapons in a cage or something. Rollup gets two for Williams. Destroyer is countered and the Payoff (PerfectPlex) ends this.

Rating: C. I kind of liked this actually. Young was wildly popular at this point which shows you how bad Roode was, considering even he couldn’t get over with Young out there. Roode was just so boring and uninteresting that he needed Beer Money or he would have had nothing else to do.

Roode shoves Young post match.

Angle goes to talk to Rhyno who isn’t happy. They have to change the order of entrance tonight. Rhyno doesn’t trust Jarrett but Joe REALLY doesn’t trust him, so Angle should go have this talk with Joe instead.

We recap Gail vs. Jackie. Does it really matter? There was something at Final Resolution, Jackie TALKED REALLY LOUDLY and since that’s the extent of what she does, there’s your story.

Jackie Moore vs. Gail Kim

Gail does look good in those little sky blue shorts. They start fighting on the ramp and Jackie takes over, sending Gail on top of the announce table. Gail gets water poured on her and they haven’t been in the cage yet even though the bell rang. Ok now they’re inside (with a nice view of Gail on the way in) and the fans do not seem to care. Gail goes to escape about 20 seconds after they’re in but Jackie continues to be annoying by making this continue.

Jackie takes over and I always wonder why she had a job. Either way, the American hits a German on the Canadian but Gail pops up anyway. They exchange worthless attempts to go up and Gail gets a sunset flip for one. I think Gail gets sent into the cage but it really wasn’t clear. Gail goes up and hits a dropkick and both of them are down. Kim gets up and goes for the door, resulting in a brawl on the apron with the door open. Gail slams it on Jackie’s face but stays in. Gail goes up and jumps off with a cross body (hitting Jackie square in the face. At least she couldn’t make Jackie any uglier) for the pin.

Rating: D. This was rather bad and not just because I can’t stand Jackie Moore. The cage slamming onto Jackie’s head did make me smile but anytime someone beats her up it’s a good thing. The cross body was bad looking, because that could have been a bad injury to either of them. Still though, bad match.

Bob Backlund, the referee for the next match, is insane and has long fingernails. He doesn’t say he’ll call it down the line.

Austin Starr vs. Senshi

No backstory to this, because I don’t think TNA can explain it either. This went on for awhile and there was something about Kevin Nash holding a tournament which turned into a talent show and the X-Division Title was involved somehow. It made no sense and I don’t think they knew what was going on with it. I say that about a lot of stories, but this was one of the stranger ones ever.

Starr is Austin Aries who is from TV Land. See what I mean by this story making no sense? Backlund tries to keep things civil and Senshi takes over with his high impact stuff. Senshi chops him a lot Starr takes over with a back rake and suplex for two. STO sets up the pendulum elbow for two. Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab. Some more back work eats up a minute or two.

Senshi comes back with kicks to take over. Starr gets backdropped into the cage and a Capo kick gets two. Austin takes over again because guys of this style don’t particularly care for selling. He hits a powerbomb kind of move out of the corner and uses the ropes for two. Backlund gets shoved into the ropes to crotch Senshi who was setting for the Warrior’s Way. 450 gets two. Starr shoves Backlund and Bob shoves him into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was fine, but I just don’t care about these guys. I have no idea what the point of it was and like I said, I doubt TNA did either. This was basically any match with these two in it that you would pick out of a pile. There were some decent spots, but it came and went and I don’t care. Just not my taste at all.

Joe yells about Angle not letting him know who the fifth man (Jarrett) was. Come find him if you want Kurt. The idea is no one trusts Jeff. He tells Jeff to please cross a line with him because Joe will kill him if he does.

We recap Storm vs. Harris. Storm broke a beer bottle over Harris’ eye so he might never be able to see again. The result: a blindfold match, probably because no one ever watched Wrestlemania 7.

Chris Harris vs. James Storm

They’re both under hoods so they can’t see. Now go have a cage match boys! The chant of Fire Russo starts up immediately. No contact in the first minute. Ninety seconds. Storm corners the referee at about a minute thirty five. Two minutes in and the literally pass with an inch between them. Two and a half and no contact at all. They touch at 2:37 but both miss punches so let’s try it again. Three minutes now and the fans say they want wrestling. They touch again at about 3:15 and Harris tries to go to the mat but that doesn’t work either so they stop again.

Bear in mind, when there’s no “action” going on, they’re just wandering around with their hands out trying to find each other. That’s it. That’s ALL that happens. Harris points to his head with an idea. Or is he saying put the bullet here because my career is over? Anyway he points around the ring and the crowd cheering tells him where to go. Four minutes in and Harris hits seven punches and they do it again.

They get some really basic offense in (as in a knee to the ribs is a high level move) and Harris punches Storm so hard the hood flies off. We get one of the loudest BORING chants I’ve ever heard as Storm slams him but Harris rolls away to avoid an elbow. This is literally almost spot for spot the same match as Roberts vs. Martel back in 1991. Storm’s hood comes off again (Hey Storm: you’re a heel. TAKE IT OFF AND CHEAT YOU IDIOT!) but that could be too interesting so it’s back to the crawling around.

Somehow Storm manages to hit a reverse tornado DDT for two. The crowd isn’t booing now. They’re just silent. Harris counters two more attempts at it and hits a cutter off the middle rope for two. That gets two and Storm tries to climb but Harris uses the crowd again to make a save. They fight on the top rope and Harris does something like a spear off the top for two. Harris loses his hood, hits a full nelson slam….and it gets two. Harris grabs the referee and tries a Sharpshooter on him for some reason. Storm FINALLY CHEATS, hitting the Last Call with the hood off for the pin.

Rating: S. As in Sacrifice. Watch their match at Sacrifice. It’s one of the best TNA matches I’ve ever seen whereas this was just horrible. The stipulation makes sense, but as usual it’s not something that they thought through. The match ran about ten minutes and probably eight and a half was them walking around. One of the worst matches ever, and that covers a lot. Meltzer said it was the worst match of the year and I can’t say I disagree.

Angle talks to Sting who isn’t thrilled with Jarrett either. Kurt checks to make sure they’re all on the same side and Sting says he’ll go with it, but he’ll take both of them out if Jarrett does something out of line.

Daniels does some creepy promo about his purpose or something like that. He has to sacrifice something or other.

Jerry Lynn vs. Christopher Daniels

Lynn jumps him as he comes in as I think this is old vs. new but they really aren’t that clear on it. Daniels gets beaten down quickly but hits a neck snap on the top to take over. Victory roll gets two for Lynn. A leg lariat puts Jerry down and the crowd is being all quiet again. To be fair they have to follow that nonsense from the previous match so it’s going to take a lot to get them back into anything.

Daniels grabs a cord from a camera to choke Jerry. The crowd is SILENT here. Tenay tries to pass it off as the fans are too confused by Daniels. Whatever makes you sleep better at night Mikey. Lynn starts a comeback and sends Daniels into the cage. Rana gets two. DDT gets the same. This match needs to end soon. Daniels backdrops him into the cage but Lynn gets a quick cradle piledriver attempt.

Release Rock Bottom looks to set up the BME but Lynn rolls out of the way. Facejam gets two. The crowd is trying to get into it but it’s really not happening. They both go up top and Daniels hits a Downward Spiral off the top. They exchange near falls and the fans suddenly think this is awesome. I’m not sure that’s what I’d say but whatever. They go up top again where Angels’ Wings and Cradle Piledriver attempts fail. Last Rites (Cross Rhodes) ends this back in the ring.

Rating: C. Yeah whatever. Anyone that has read one of my TNA reviews before knows I don’t care for Daniels and this is no exception. The match wasn’t bad but it was just a match. The lack of a story is really hurting things here because I don’t know why these two hate each other. That and the cage is getting old.

Team 3D says they’ll win their first titles in TNA. They have a WCW tag title and a WWF tag title each. It’s an electrified steel cage match against LAX. Bubba does the talking (of course) and says tonight they win their 20th tag titles.

Quick recap video for the tag title match. Basically it’s an electrified cage match because that’s how it is at the border. Konnan’s idea, not mine.

LAX says the violence goes up tonight. Konnan is in a wheelchair at this point.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. LAX

No Konnan to start. This gets big match intros as it’s basically the first of two main events. The lights are dimmed for this so it’s almost blue. Apparently the current going through the cage is only on in certain places at certain times. They don’t have to tag because when the cage is electrified, tagging is pretty stupid. Team 3D controls to start. This is a hard match to call because they’re moving around kind of strangely here, due to trying to avoid the cage. It’s not bad per se, but it’s not the most exciting thing in the world.

What’s Up hits and at least D-Von was very tentative about going up due to being next to the cage. LAX takes over and uses whatever cheating methods they can. D-Von is busted and Homicide’s hand touches the cage to give us the first electrocution in the match. I didn’t expect to have to write that. Hernandez is busted too. He goes up but D-Von manages to crotch him. Homicide is crotched as well and we get nearly stereo superplexes.

D-Von beats up Homicide, hitting a powerslam for two. Konnan has been wheeled out. Whoever wheeled him out beat down the outside referee and gave Konnan some rubber gloves. Hector Guerrero, the Spanish announcer, jumps that guy (we can’t see who he is) and stares down Konnan. Apparently the guy who wheeled Konnan out was trying to get the key to the door. Hector unlocked it and the door is open. It’s hard to tell what’s going on due to the light. Bubba yells at him to hand him an F’ing table.

The delay allows for LAX to get a quick takeover but Hernandez stops to yell at Hector, so Hector slams the door on his head. The double neckbreker gets two on SuperMex. Bubba Bomb gets two on Homicide. Samoan Drop gets two on D-Von. Top rope elbow gets the same. This has gotten a good deal better. HUGE layout powerbomb gets two on Homicide by Bubba.

We get the first big electrocution spot as Hernandez Border Tosses D-Von into the cage and he vibrates like a fish on a fish frying plate. He’s COVERED in blood, which would be more effective if you could see it. The fans aren’t that thrilled with this as they chant Fire Russo. A middle rope elbow gets two for Bubba. D-Von is apparently fine after the MASSIVE ELECTROCUTION as a Doomsday Device gets two.

The table gets loaded up and D-Von is placed onto it. Hernandez puts some rubber gloves on but takes forever to do it. He climbs to the top of the cage but since he took FOREVER, the splash through the table misses. Looked awesome though. The Dudleys take over on Homicide, throw him into the cage, botch a 3D off the cage and then hit the 3D for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. Yes it was bad, but it wasn’t THAT bad. I mean, if you compare this to the blindfold match it’s a masterpiece. The cage stuff was stupid and I’m really not sure what the point of the lights was. Maybe the cage sucked too much electricity out? Anyway, not a horrible match but it was probably way too much for the payoff they got out of it.

Angle yells at JB for suggesting that calling Jarrett was an act of desperation. Team 3D’s music is still playing because they almost immediately cut away. That’s a running thing in TNA: it’s like they’re always running behind schedule.

We recap Lethal Lockdown, which is WarGames which I’m not going to explain again. Basically it’s Christian as champion and Angle wants it. Whoever gets the fall here, wins the title shot I believe. Also Jarrett is there because Angle couldn’t find anyone else. He was totally evil before he left for a few months, but Angle vouches for him. Abyss isn’t sure if he wants to be on Christian’s team but he was basically forced to due to a threat of violence against his mother. No one thought Angle had 5 guys but Sting and Jarrett showed up to fill out the team. No one trusts Jarrett other than Angle though.

Harley Race will be keeping the key.

Team Christian vs. Team Angle

Christian Cage, Tomko, AJ Styles, Abyss, Scott Steiner
Kurt Angle, Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Samoa Joe, Rhyno

Two people start for five minutes, Team Cage gets the advantage for two minutes, after everyone is in the roof with weapons lowers, first fall wins and gets a shot at Christian at Sacrifice. AJ vs. Angle to start. AJ is still kind of an idiot at this point. He tries to take it to the mat but Angle is like boy please. Pretty much just feeling each other out so far to start. Angle goes into something made of steel and AJ stomps away. Off to the chinlock as they’re saving energy for later in the match. Kurt pops off an Angle Slam out of nowhere as the clock runs down.

Abyss is out second and Angle is in trouble. Shock Treatment to Angle and things go really slowly. Remember that there are two minute periods from now on. With really nothing happening in that period, here’s Rhyno who has to pose on the ramp before going to help his partner. He cleans house for awhile and hits a clothesline to take Abyss down. Angle is back up now so it’s a bit more balanced. Tomko comes out to make it 3-2.

The drug addict goes after the guy with alcoholic tendencies and the bearded one wins. Rhyno is busted. Joe comes in third. A lot of these periods are just coming and going with nothing interesting happening at all. Joe beats up Abyss while everyone else is kind of standing around. Down goes Tomko but AJ gets in a shot. MuscleBuster puts AJ down and Tomko takes Rolling Germans. Abyss gets caught in Joe’s Clutch as Steiner comes in to make it 4-3.

Just like the rest of the periods, he beats up all of the partners and hits what he calls the Frankensteiner on Rhyno. Other than that it’s all belly to belly suplexes. Sting comes in to tie it up. Death Drop to Abyss, Splash to Steiner, Splash to Abyss, Splash to Tomko/Styles. AJ tries to climb but Joe chases him, resulting in a SIX MAN TOWER OF DOOM. Ok that was awesome. Deathlock to Steiner but Tomko breaks it up. Christian is the final member of his team to make it 5-4.

Chops don’t work on Sting so Christian gets beaten down. Does no one watch Flair matches? Sting beats up Christian for a few moments and puts the Deathlock on him. Here’s Jarrett to fire off dropkicks for everyone and a Stroke for AJ. The roof is lowered. Everyone stands up and it’s a five on five brawl, rendering the first 21 minutes of this match totally useless.

Jarrett gets a bat but throws it to Sting. Rhyno gets a garbage can in the same method. Total dominance at this point by Team Angle. AJ gets the bat and clubs everyone not named Angle. AJ goes up through a hole in the roof to the top of the cage for some reason. Angle follows him up and Mitchell gives Abyss bags of tacks. Race pops Mitchell for his efforts and the crowd really doesn’t seem to care about this match.

Rhyno gores Tomko through the door as AJ and Angle try not to die by falling off the top of the cage. AJ cracks Angle in the head with a chair and Rhyno goes to the floor also. Steiner goes outside too and Joe dives onto Tomko. There are only four left in the cage. Abyss lays out the tacks but can’t chokeslam Sting and Jarrett at the same time.

Christian takes a double chokeslam from Sting and Jarrett which is a cool visual. Black Hole Slam to Jarrett but not onto the tacks. Angle knocks AJ off the cage onto the people outside the cage. SCARY stuff there. Abyss pours the other bag of tacks into the guitar and since he loaded it up, it goes over his head and Jarrett lets Sting get the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B-. This was more or less every Lethal Lockdown match you’ll ever see: there are too many people in the ring, the periods don’t mean anything until the end, and the match is pretty dull until the last five minutes. Still though it’s fun and it does what it’s supposed to do, which is all you can really ask for.

Sting, Rhyno and Joe shake Jarrett’s hand but Angle walks away as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t totally worthless and awful, but there’s a lot more bad than good on it. The worst two matches, the blindfold and electric matches, are by far the worst with the blindfold one being one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The pretty good main event doesn’t save it and by the time you’ve sat through two and a half hours of drek, the good opener is long forgotten. Not the worst show ever, but it’s certainly not worth watching.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Thunder
Date: April 12, 2000
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Attendance: 3,118
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Mark Madden

This is another show that I rarely talk about due to the high levels of suck which surround it. This was WCW’s second show and this is from a time period where the company was all but dead. This is the go home show for Spring Stampede, meaning that every title in WCW is vacant. Russo’s BRILLIANT idea was to completely restart WCW, meaning all title reigns were cut off two days before this on Nitro with tournaments being held on Sunday at Spring Stampede. Yeah the whole show is nothing but three tournaments and a Hardcore Title match, but first we’ve got to get through the show to set that up. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Russo returning and uniting with Bischoff before vacating all titles. Apparently there was a mini-tournament on Nitro with the winner getting to face Jarrett for the vacated title. Bischoff screwed Hogan over for the sake of Billy Kidman and Russo beat up Flair as well. Apparently Mike Awesome has debuted as well and beat up Kevin Nash. We also got a reveal of Bischoff as the Hummer Driver, which was a payoff to an angle from about ten months ago. I’ve just sat through this recap and I have no idea what happened on Nitro.

Bischoff and Russo arrived earlier today.

David Arquette is here.

Here’s the New Blood Order to open things up. The actual name is the New Blood but pretty much everyone saw them as the latest NWO knockoff. They formed on Nitro two days before this so the roster is still kind of up in the air. It’s Bischoff and Russo with some young talent and that’s about it. Bischoff immediately screws up and says that last night all the titles were vacated (Thunder was taped on Tuesdays to air on Wednesday). Eric talks about Hogan getting hit by a car and being in the hospital as a result. Kidman brags about pinning Hogan and crushing him with the Hummer.

Russo says this town sucks because it isn’t New York. Last night Flair and the people learned that Russo is Batman (he hit Flair with a bat) and that New Yorkers respect no one. When everything is done, Flair will belong to him. Shane Douglas talks about calling out Flair for seven years and says he’s going to Franchise Flair. There’s going to be a chain of Ric Flairs around the country?

Bischoff talks about Sunday being all new champions and how everything is going to change. As for tonight, Jarrett has the night off because we want the playing field to be level for Sunday. His opponent on Sunday, DDP, has the night off as well. However, we will get DDP’s wife Kimberly in the ring against veteran Madusa. This brings out Page with a shirt saying “whatever”, which sums up my attitude about most of these issues.

Page doesn’t have a problem with Bischoff having a problem with Page, but leave Kimberly out of it. DDP wants to fight Bischoff tonight but Eric would rather see what outfit Kimberly wears tonight. Page comes to beat up Bischoff but gets jumped by Bam Bam Bigelow. Cue the old guys (the Millionaires’ Club) for the first big brawl of the show.

We hear about how the other titles will be decided: Tag Titles in a tournament, US Title in a tournament, six way elimination for the Cruiserweight Title, and a singles match for the Hardcore Title. Now who said WCW in 2000 was a mess? That sounds totally coherent.

Chris Candido/Juventud Guerrera/The Artist vs. Lash LeRoux/Crowbar/Shannon Moore

These are the six men in the Cruiserweight Title match on Sunday. The Artist is somewhat more famous as Prince Iaukea. Artist gets beaten down to start before getting things going with Shannon. Things almost break down until we get Lash vs. Candido. Someone throws in a beach ball and here’s David Flair to dance with Artist’s chick Paisley (Booker T’s real life wife Sharmell). Juvy pounds on Shannon as the match continues to be all over the place.

Moore hits a Fameasser to put Guerrera down and it’s off to Crowbar. A quick northern lights suplex gets two for Crowbar but a headscissors sends him out to the floor. Crowbar and Flair get in a fight on the floor but Candido dives on both of them to take them out. Artist and Candido start fighting on the floor so Lash dives on everyone. Juvy sends Moore to the apron before diving onto everyone not named Shannon.

Moore hits a BIG Asai Moonsault onto all five guys as everyone is down. Shane Helms, Moore’s partner, interferes but here’s Daffney, Crowbar’s chick, to take Shane down with a hurricanrana. Back inside and Juvy hits the Juvy Driver (scoop piledriver) on Crowbar but Candido and Artist hit a double DDT on Crowbar for two. Candido adds a top rope headbutt for one on Crowbar before Artist hits his jumping middle rope DDT on Candido (his own partner) to let Crowbar hit a front suplex for the pin on Chris.

Rating: C+. Well it wasn’t boring. It wasn’t really a tag match and I completely lost track of who was on what team more than once, but it wasn’t boring. To be fair though that’s the entire idea here and the point of the match was to set up the big match on Sunday where it’s going to be every man for himself. A pair of triple threats would have been the better idea here but it was all over the place and not boring, so at least there’s that.

DDP says he’s going to rip Jarrett’s head off on Sunday. He wants Bigelow tonight.

Russo and Bischoff make Sid vs. Harlem Heat 2000 for later.

Sting was at the Ready to Rumble premiere.

Curt Hennig jumps Shawn Stasiak in the dressing room in retaliation for an attack on Monday.

Sid vs. Harlem Heat 2000

That would be Big T (Ahmed Johnson), Kash (4×4 from the No Limit Soldiers who you probably don’t remember) and Stevie Ray. This is No DQ and if Sid loses, he’s not in the US Title Tournament. Sid clears the ring to start but can’t chokeslam the lawyer manager J. Biggs. T and Ray get back in and beat Sid down but T is so fat that he can barely do anything right at all. A splash gets two for Kash but New Blood member Booker (he had lost the rights to the letter T to Harlem Heat. Yeah, seriously) makes the save and lets Sid powerbomb Stevie for the pin. This was barely a match.

Immediately after the bell, The Wall (he used to hang out with Berlyn. Again, yeah seriously) cracks Sid with a chair.

Bischoff and Russo are mad at Booker for betraying them.

Sid is still down in the ring so here’s Bischoff to disqualify Sid…..in a No DQ match. In other words, Sid is out of the tournament.

Bischoff yells at Booker in the back in front of the New Blood members.

Shane Douglas vs. Total Package

Luger (Total Package. This was the best thing they could come up with to “develop” his character. He’s the same exact guy) and Flair are partners and Douglas hates Flair so here’s a match to set up the obvious tournament final on Sunday. Luger pounds away to start and apparently tonight it’s Bigelow vs. Page.

Shane makes a comeback and hits his belly to belly suplex, which would win world titles in ECW but here it’s a way for him to go up top and get slammed down. We head to the floor so Luger can clothesline him down and Luger takes over. Since this is a three minute match on the secondary show, there’s the ref bump, the low blow by Shane and the run-in by Flair. He hits Douglas low too and the Rack ends Shane.

Rating: D. Again, three and a half minutes long on the Wednesday B-show and we had a ref bump, two low blows and a run-in. I think by this point it’s clear what’s wrong with Russo’s booking. You know, aside from Lex Luger being an upper midcard guy in April of 2000 instead of like, retired.

Jimmy Hart can’t get Eric Bischoff’s attention.

Later tonight, if Luger interferes in Bagwell vs. Flair, there will be suspensions. In other words, we need a special ruling to prevent interference because it’s that common anymore.

We get an update on Hogan who was in a limo and then crushed by a Bischoff-driven Hummer on Monday (culmination of a LONG storyline with about a ten month break in between to the point that no one remembered the stupid thing anymore). Hogan is out for two weeks.

Here’s Jimmy Hart to the ring who wants some answers from Bischoff about why he did that to Hogan on Nitro. Hart talks about being the liaison between Hogan and Bischoff over the years but gets interrupted by Billy Kidman and Bischoff. Kidman sprints to the ring and beats up Hart, as this is part of the Flea Market feud.

Basically Hogan said Kidman couldn’t be champion of a flea market so Kidman went after him. This is the feud that people point to when they say Hogan gave young guys rubs. The problem is Kidman never beat Hogan clean and Hogan made him look like a jobber the entire way through. Kidman spray paints Hart’s back to make the NWO rip-offs all the more clear.

Page tells Kimberly she’s not going to the ring. Kimberly says yes she is.

Scott Steiner vs. Booker vs. Vampiro vs. Billy Kidman vs. The Wall vs. The Cat

This is a Colorado Collision match and these are the six guys in the US Title tournament so far. Two guys start and one minute later someone else comes in. Elimination rules apply and last man standing wins. Booker and Wall start things off with the far more famous one pounding away. Wall immediately shoves him into the corner for some choking but Booker comes back with a slam and the ax kick for no cover as Wall pops up. Cat (Ernest Miller) comes out early and superkicks Booker to the floor.

Wall chokeslams Booker through his table (it was his prop) and since both guys are counted out, it’s time for Cat to dance. Actually he talks a lot and gets Scott Steiner instead. Steiner gets in some hard shots but Miller hits a GREAT superkick to take Steiner’s head off. That looked awesome. Kidman is fifth along with Torrie but he’s content to let Steiner beat up Miller for awhile instead. Steiner goes to pose so Kidman runs in to pin Miller and get us down to two. Vampiro is in last as Steiner pins Kidman with a belly to belly. Before there’s any contact, Sting comes in and lays out Vampiro so the Steiner Recliner can get the win.

Rating: D. Again, in a six man gauntlet match, we managed to have a run-in. Steiner barely even broke a sweat here and would run through the tournament like a roided up freak destroying a bunch of guys way beneath him and Sting in an overbooked tournament. Nothing to this match again as everyone lost in like 90 seconds.

Team Package (yes really. It’s Flair/Luger/Liz) freak out with Flair saying he’ll beat up Russo.

Madusa vs. Kimberly Page

Kimberly looks GREAT here in barely there leather shorts and a bright green top. I’m sure there’s nothing to the fact that she’s in DX colors and dressed exactly like DX member Tori. Madusa is basically Chyna so she destroys Kimberly for a bit until DDP comes in for the save and the DQ.

Terry Funk/Norman Smiley vs. Hugh Morrus/Meng vs. Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay

This is a hardcore triple threat tag match and the winners fight for the Hardcore Title on Sunday. Tony tries to talk us into buying Spring Stampede instead of Backlash which is so pitiful it’s cute. Meng and Knobbs fight into the crowd before the bell and good luck in trying to keep track of this mess. Morrus knocks Smiley into the crowd and Norman screams a lot. They head to the stage and Morrus sets up a table but let’s go back to Punk vs. Finlay in the ring.

Morrus misses a dive off the stage through the table as we see Meng and Knobbs fighting in the back. Meng has a drink thrown on him and there’s a trashcan on top of it. Tony: “TO THE CONDIMENTS!” Meng makes his comeback….and stops to spear a cardboard cutout of Goldberg. He then breaks it over Knobbs’ head as they go outside. Knobbs charges at a railing and goes flying over, with Tony saying it could be a thirty foot drop. Now they’re stealing ideas from Halloween Havoc 1995. Let that sink in a bit.

We cut back and forth between the two brawls and Norman hides inside a big cat head that hockey players skate out of to start a game. Morrus charges and crotches himself on a tusk as we cut to Finlay DDTing Funk on the exposed concrete. Finlay puts up a table in the corner instead of covering, meaning of course Funk sends him through said table.

A piledriver on the piece of table puts Finlay down and here’s the run-in by Dustin Rhodes to beat up Funk. There are some Shattered Dreams for Funk and a chair shot for good measure. Rhodes pounds on Funk before heading to the floor…..so Smiley can run in and pin his own partner for the win and the title match.

Rating: D. Between the apparent death of Brian Knobbs, a Goldberg cardboard cutout used as a weapon, condiments, crotching Hugh Morrus on a cat tusk and that ending, what more do you expect me to think of this match? Not to mention we’re now 6/6 on matches having interference tonight with three more to go.

Eric and Vince give Los Villanos a pep talk for their handicap match against Sting. Apparently Sting has to beat all of them as opposed to Sid only needing one pin.

Sting vs. Los Villanos

The Villanos are III, IV and V and remember Sting has to beat them all. They all jump Sting to start but Sting Hulks Up and fights them all off like they’re uh…Los Villanos. Sting hits a double Death Drop to eliminate let’s say III and IV and we get a ref bump. Sting beats up V but takes a low blow on a leapfrog. V hits a low blow of his own and goes to get a guitar. Sting gets cracked in the head and V unmasks to reveal Jeff Jarrett. Page runs in for a Diamond Cutter to give Sting the pin and make us 7/7 for run-ins tonight. Too short to rate but it was an angle disguised as a match.

Jeff Jarrett threatens to knock Gene’s liver spots off if he doesn’t shut up. He’s coming for Arquette and Page tonight.

Buff Bagwell vs. Ric Flair

Flair is in street clothes for no apparent reason. According to Tony it’s because he’s fighting the New Blood instead of wrestling. Buff takes over to start and hits a quick backdrop followed by some clotheslines to take Ric down. There are some knees to Flair’s arm as this is one sided so far. Yes Flair getting beaten down in a Bischoff booked company. Flair comes back with an elbow and some punches in the corner before they head to the floor where Russo in a Sting costume (stealing from 1997) blasts Flair with a bat for the DQ. Another match too short to rate and another run-in.

Douglas and Luger run in post match with the New Blood guys standing tall.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Bigelow takes him into the corner to pound away but Page comes back with shots to the head of his own. A discus lariat gets two for Page but Bam Bam comes back with a Samoan drop for two. We hit a camel clutch and Page slaps the mat but it doesn’t count here. Bigelow drops a headbutt on the bad back of Page for two.

Page fights out of a powerbomb for two of his own and a neckbreaker gets the same. The Cutter is countered into the third ref bump of the night but Bigelow misses the top rope headbutt. Now the Cutter hits but Bischoff runs in to count two before straightening his head. Jarrett cracks Page with a guitar as the match is thrown out.

Rating: D. NINE FOR NINE BABY! The match was once again a means to an end here so we could have Page and Jarrett brawl to end the show. By brawl of course I mean a weapon shot and a beatdown but that’s interesting TV under Russo’s watch. Nothing to see here though, much like the rest of the show tonight.

David Arquette tries to make the save but gets beaten down with a Stroke. He would be world champion in two weeks. Now Kanyon runs in to beat up Jarrett but Bischoff lays HIM out with a chair. The New Blood runs in and spray paint everyone to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show is VERY interesting to say the least. For one thing, how in the world can you manage to book three ref bumps and NINE RUN-INS IN ONE SHOW??? That takes either an amazing talent or complete insanity. On top of that, this was all to set up a bunch of new champions at Spring Stampede, and over half of those titles would change hands in less than a month. Oh and Kimberly would join the New Blood on Sunday because…..well why not. Anyway, this show is a great lesson in Russo booking as he managed to fit ALL THIS into 90 minutes, and somehow it would only get worse.

Here’s Spring Stampede if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/03/spring-stampede-2000-if-you-like-tournaments-find-this-show-immediately/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Spring Stampede 2000
Date: April 16, 2000
Location: United Center, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 12,556
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

This is a show I’ve wanted to do for a good while now. Russo and Bischoff are in charge now and have rebooted WCW. In short, all titles are vacant and will be decided tonight in a bunch of tournaments and random one off matches. The interesting thing to me is that the titles were vacated on Monday before this show. What was the card for the PPV before they did that? Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about Russo vs. Flair and Russo stealing Flair’s Rolex watch. Also Eric has recently turned on Hogan and made the New Blood. Oh and they brought back the stupid Hummer angle (even though it was a different color) and had Bischoff driving it.

 

For those of you that don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, in 1999 there was a BLACK (this was white) Hummer trying to run over various people. The question was who was driving it. It was heavily implied to be Sid and everyone assumed it was him. Bischoff brought it back 9 months later after everyone had forgotten about it. Amazingly enough, no one cared at all.

 

Eric yells at Kidman, Torrie and Russo.

 

Hudson runs down the participants so fast that we can’t keep up with them. I’ll try to give you the brackets as the show goes on but don’t hold me to that.

 

Tag Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mamalukes vs. Team Package

 

Team Package, Flair and Luger, say that Flair is in street clothes because Russo has made it a street fight. Who wears golf clothes to a street fight? I think Team Package are the faces here but I have no idea for the most part. The Mamalukes have Disco Inferno with them. I have no idea if there has been another round before this one or if there were only four teams in the whole thing.

 

After taking a good while with the intros, here’s Russo to shake things up a bit. Russo says this isn’t an even playing field because you have two rookies against two established veterans so let’s even this up a bit. He adds the Harris Brothers to make it 4-2. After a beatdown to start Flair fights back and gets the Figure Four on Johnny the Bull, only to let it go for no apparent reason.

 

Vito kicks Flair’s head off and they’re legal to start. This is a one night tournament. Luger comes in because he can and the handicap aspect of the match starts to become a lot more clear. Flair wrestling in street clothes looks weird. He tries to go up top but gets slammed off by a Harris Brother. Everything breaks down again and Disco sends Luger into the post, only to get decked by Liz.

 

Two “security” guys come out and take Disco out. No idea who they are. Oh ok this is something to do with the Mamaluke angle that sucked. Hot tag to Luger and after waiting on Vito to jump on him, house is cleaned and Bull is racked after heel miscommunication, sending Team Package to the finals.

 

Rating: D+. It’s just a big brawl but it wasn’t boring. Flair and Luger having to fight off the insane odds was fine I guess but it’s not like the odds ever really came into play after the first minute or so. Flair was pretty easily able to fight off both Harris Brothers and the other Mamaluke, making this pretty weak overall.

 

Mike Awesome is the surprise 8^th entrant in the US Title tournament and fights Ernest Miller later. He’s not afraid of Cat and Bigelow comes up to complain about Awesome being in the tournament. Awesome decks him from behind.

 

We recap Jimmy Hart vs. a radio show host. Yes this is happening on a PPV.

 

Mancow vs. Jimmy Hart

 

Hart has some big guy out there with him and is wearing a Howard Stern t-shirt. I don’t recognize the guy but Hart is able to find people at will so it’s not exactly surprising. Mancow is a celebrity in Chicago so the crowd is completely one sided. The big guy is named Hail. Mancow comes out with his entourage including some hot women. Mancow runs his mouth for a bit and the “match” begins. Seriously what are you expecting here? It’s a bit under three minutes long and there’s a ref bump and a chair shot. Hail interferes and Mancow wins anyway.

 

Kidman comes out to beat up Hart for no apparent reason.

 

Russo yells at the four guys that Team Package beat.

 

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: The Wall vs. Scott Steiner

 

Steiner comes out to his old Steiner Brothers theme here for some reason. This is New Blood vs. New Blood. They’re both power brawlers and they completely live up to those stereotypes here. Steiner pounds away in the corner then Wall pounds away in the corner. Sting is the only member of the Millionaire’s Club in this particular tournament. Wall takes a low blow and Steiner hits a belly to belly to take over.

 

Now Steiner takes a low blow. Are you noticing the whole mirror image thing? Have you noticed how stupid the all No DQ rules are really freaking stupid? Oh wait there are disqualifications but they have to be REALLY big things to cause one. Remember that. We go to the floor and Wall pulls out a table. Steiner blocks a chokeslam through it and a blinded Wall chokeslams the referee through it for the lame DQ.

 

Rating: F+. It was stupid but they had to hurry through it because they have about 13 matches to get through tonight. Wall was a guy who was supposed to be all insane and crazy but when you’re up against Scott Steiner, your craziness is kind of overshadowed. This was nothing significant and was just a way to get Steiner to the final four quickly.

 

Ernest Miller isn’t worried about Awesome. There’s a James Brown reference for no apparent reason and Bigelow drops Miller.

 

US Title Tourament Quarter-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Ernest Miller

 

This is six days after Awesome, still ECW Champion at the time, ran in on Nitro after jumping ship. Bigelow jumps Awesome and has taken Miller’s spot it seems. Well sure why not. Big dive to the floor takes Bigelow out and then dumps him into the crowd. Awesome busts out an Ahmed Johnson style dive over the railing as the brawl keeps going. Top rope clothesline back inside gets two. Bigelow wakes up and slams Awesome down and adds the headbutt for no cover. Here’s Miller who kicks Bigelow in the head and dances a bit. Awesome kills him with a powerbomb and frog splash to advance.

 

Rating: D. The brawling was decent and Awesome was incredible as usual but the whole Bigelow/Miller thing was totally pointless. Also it makes no sense as either guy not named Awesome should have been disqualified for interference but whatever. This was nothing interesting but was there to have Awesome get pushed harder, which is fine.

 

Russo tells Bischoff to calm down. Bischoff tells Kidman to take care of Hogan.

 

Bagwell and Douglas say they’ll be champions and Shane wants to beat up Flair.

 

Tag Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Harlem Heat 2000 vs. Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas

 

This is Stevie Ray/Big T (Ahmed Johnson). Shane vs. Stevie starts us off after a quick brawl. Harlem Heat beat on Buff for a bit and then we get a tag to Shane who hits a release Pittsburgh Plunge to end this in less than three minutes. I’ve never seen such a nothing match that went so long.

 

That makes the finals Team Package vs. Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas

 

Booker says he’s not New Blood because he doesn’t agree with Bischoff about anything.

 

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Booker vs. Sting

 

Yes it’s officially Booker after he lost the rights to the letter T to Harlem Heat (don’t ask). They’re treating this like an epic battle and while it’s not quite that it is a big deal I guess. Leave it to WCW to have it in a match on this show in this position that gets about six and a half minutes. Sting gets a hip toss for the first move of the match. Sting keeps up the dominance and we head to the floor.

 

Booker goes into the metal barrier and the crew goes flying. Over to the announce table since we can’t have a match without a brawling segment because that’s what WWF and ECW does. Booker gets in a shot and back inside we go. Off to the chinlock which lasts a bit until we get a knee drop and hey, let’s go back to that chinlock. Axe kick hits for two and the announcers are stunned. Booker spins up but walks into a DDT for two. Stinger Splash hits but a second jumps into the side kick. Booker tries a suplex but gets reversed into a Death Drop to end it.

 

Rating: C+. Not a bad match but you would think this was Benoit vs. Angle at the 03 Rumble based on the reactions. It was certainly good and by far the best match of the night so far but it’s just not as good as what they’re hyping it up to be. If they had more than 7 minutes it could have been but we don’t have time for wrestling here on this wrestling show people.

 

Booker brings him back to shake his hand. Booker is New Blood according to Tony. Whatever man.

 

Torrie, Bischoff and Kidman aren’t worried about Hogan.

 

US Title Tournament Quarter-Finals: Billy Kidman vs. Vampiro

 

Vampy takes over to start with a bunch of headbutts and right hands. It’s kind of hard to get into these matches that are happening for the sake of a tournament rather than a story or a feud between the guys in it. Kidman snaps off a rana to take over and pounds away in the corner the same way. Ten punches are countered into a SWEET release powerbomb but the Nail in the Coffin is countered into a facejam by Kidman.

 

They keep exchanging control with Kidman having it as I type this. Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) is countered into another facejam and we head outside. Vampiro gets a spin kick in and works on the arm after injuring his rib. And let’s cut to the back where a Dodge Charger containing Hogan is here. Hogan comes in and with the referee watching he beats up Kidman with ease. By that I mean he does it for several minutes. The idea of disqualifications are forgotten though so this is all cool. Hulk uses the steps as a step to chokebomb Kidman onto the table. Kidman is slammed through it and Vampy gets the pin.

 

Rating: C-. Hogan killed this period. The lack of disqualifications is just stupid as why shouldn’t the entire New Blood come in and beat up every member of the Millionaire’s Club every match and ensure that they win? My guess would be that would make sense, which is why this gets really old really fast. I mean the referee is watching the whole thing and doesn’t even try to interrupt it. It takes the wrestling out for the sake of brawling, which isn’t why I watch these shows. Once in awhile is fine, but not in every single match.

 

Hogan, ever the stealth one, gets on a mic and shouts that he’s coming for Bischoff.

 

In the back Russo leaves Bischoff to freak out on his own.

 

Hogan goes Bischoff hunting and finds him in like the 7^th door. And never mind as cops with guns are here to get him off. Yeah that’s not going to go badly at all is it?

 

Oh before I forget, here are the US Title brackets:

 

Steiner

Awesome

 

Sting

Kidman

 

Terry Taylor tells Terry Funk that the Hardcore match is going to begin in catering. “Take a right at the Doritos.”

 

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley

 

Norman is hiding in the men’s room and is in a catcher’s uniform complete with chest protector. They’re into catering now and it’s all Funk. Funk pours a bunch of Cokes on him (still in cans) as Tony says this isn’t a match, despite Taylor calling it a match and a bell ringing. They’re in the kitchen now and they crawl through a dish return line to get there. Tony talks about the merits of industrial strength cookie sheets as he probably wonders how he still has a career.

 

They head into the hallway and Norman climbs a conveniently placed ladder. Norman gets some chair shots in and we head to the arena. Terry is taking a bunch of chair shots to the head which are scarier each time. Madden wants to know why Terry would do this to himself. The term “middle aged and CRAZY” doesn’t work for Madden I guess. It’s Wiggle Time but you don’t simulate anal sex on a Texan! Funk hits a huge chair shot and we’re back outside.

 

Terry pulls out a ladder and puts it between the bottom and middle ropes on the inside. Dustin Rhodes comes out because we MUST have more Rhodes vs. Funk because the feud only started 25 years ago so we’re all begging for a continuation right? Dustin of course fails because he’s booked like a clueless putz when he’s not Goldust so he causes some pain for Norman. Funk drops a ladder over the top onto Norman for the title.

 

Rating: C. These matches are hard to not smile at a bit. Yes they’re stupid and mindless brawls but at the same time, they’re stupid and mindless brawls. Nothing great and Dustin added absolutely nothing to it at all (which should be on his tombstone), but Funk vs. Smiley was a weird combination that made for entertaining comedy and with the Hardcore Title, what more can you ask for?

 

Russo tells Booker to watch his step and wants a favor.

 

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Mike Awesome vs. Scott Steiner

 

Steiner takes him to the mat to start which is smart as he wants to keep the power/high flying guy on the mat where he can’t use his physical advantages. Awesome is sent to the floor but he manages to get the slingshot shoulder to take over. Splash gets two. This is Mike’s second WCW match after his debut earlier. Top rope clothesline gets two but the spinning belly to belly shifts things again. With Awesome taking back over here’s Nash with a crutch (same thing Awesome did to Nash) to take Awesome out. Recliner puts Steiner in the finals.

 

Rating: D+. They only had three minutes to work with so how good could it be? This was all about Nash getting his shot in on Awesome to set up a match that I don’t think ever actually took place. Awesome’s fate was written on the wall here though as he never would become anything significant in WCW at all due to an extreme amount of talent.

 

Dustin, who is somehow New Blood, is fired for not keeping Funk from winning the title. Russo takes credit for Goldust and making him everything he ever was. I give up.

 

US Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Vampiro vs. Sting

 

Sting charges to the ring as there’s an actual feud to this one. Sting no sells some stuff and hammers away with strikes. Out to the floor and it’s all Sting. Back in a top rope splash gets two after a lot of looking at Vampy. Back to the floor for more brawling and Sting misses the move that always misses, the splash onto the railing. Vampiro gets a chair and puts Sting face first onto it before a superkick puts Sting down.

 

In a weird moment, Vampiro rolls him in and sets for something off the stop but Sting won’t lay still and clearly shakes his head no at Sting. Vampiro is like dude what are you doing and just jumps off with no real contact. I don’t get that. Suplex gets two instead. Another suplex gets two again. A top rope…something is countered into either a powerbomb or spinebuster. Death Drop sets up the Deathlock to send Sting to the finals.

 

Rating: C-. The top rope stuff was rather odd but Sting continues to look good here. He was all fired up and they had to have someone in there to give the Millionaire’s Club a finalist. Not great or anything but these two had no real chemistry in most of their matches. Sting would beat him again the next month in something close to a squash.

 

Sting vs. Steiner for the title later.

 

Page wants to beat Jarrett.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Artist vs. Chris Candido vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Shannon Moore vs. Lash Leroux vs. Crowbar

 

No Evan Karagis for 3 Count here. I think they would split soon after this. The two 3 Count guys do their thing before the match. It’s a Suicide Sixway. The other guys run out and the big fight is on. Shane is on the outside and not in the match. Candido vs. Moore at the moment and I don’t think tags are required. Ok so yes they are. Crowbar escapes a DDT and gets a northern lights suplex for two.

 

One fall to a finish here. If DQ rules have been relaxed why not allow everyone to run in all the time? Lash vs. Juvy now as this is going to be one of those insane matches. Juvy Driver gets two as Artist saves. Daffney accidentally hits a Frankenscreamer on her man crowbar and then screams her way out of trouble. We bust out the dives by everyone and everybody is down.

 

David Flair comes in and beats up Helms and Candido is crotched by Artist. Candido misses a swan dive and Artist hits an Angle Slam (called a Samoan Drop) and Tammy debuts with a chair to give Candido the title. I can’t complain about her in a see through nightgown and a nice thong shot.

 

Rating: C. This was your usual insane Cruiserweight spot fest but I could have gone for it being longer than 5 minutes. The non-high flying power brawler as champion is the usual bit for them and that’s fine. The title hadn’t meant anything in years so throwing this together is fine. Nothing great but it did its job I guess and we have a new champion now and he’s New Blood.

 

Jarrett says he’s not worried about Page.

 

Tag Titles: Team Package vs. Buff Bagwell/Shane Douglas

 

Russo comes out with the New Blood and sits in on commentary. Luger vs. Bagwell gets us going. Russo is guaranteeing victory. Buff rakes the eyes to stop the offense and it’s off to Shane. Luger casually gorilla presses him and Flair gets in a right hand and they go to the floor. Tony shouts BS about something as the New Blood beats on Flair. How a guy that was world champion seven years ago can be considered New Blood is beyond me but it’s WCW so who cares.

 

Bagwell beats down Flair and Tony wants more choking and violence. That would be cool if we hadn’t seen it in every single match so far tonight. Flair gets a chop and they hit the ropes, bumping heads to put both guys down. Luger FINALLY does something to break up the beating on Flair. There’s the hot tag to Luger who cleans house for a bit and there’s the Figure Four on Shane. Russo gets up with the bat as the Blockbuster hits Shane by mistake. Russo pulls the referee out as Kronik debuts and hits the double chokeslam on Luger to give the New Blood the titles with Russo counting the pin.

 

Rating: D+. Just another match here and Kronik added nothing for the most part. The New Blood win the first tournament and I’m sure that’s all they’ll win right, because it’s not like they’re going to put all the titles on the heel faction like the NWO because that would just be stupid when they had done that a few years ago right?

 

Steiner says he’s not worried about Sting because he has big arms.

 

Sting says Steiner is the next casualty of this war.

 

US Title: Sting vs. Scott Steiner

 

Steiner hammers away to start but Sting gets a drop….he gets a kick…we’ll call it a leg attack to take over. They go to the floor for a bit but Sting gets caught coming in off the top rope. We get into a nice rhythm here: Steiner hits Sting to knock him down then yells at the fans then hits Sting to knock him down then yells at the fans. Repeat that for about 2 minutes and you have the middle of this match.

 

Sting starts his comeback and hits the Stinger Splash. The second one results in the referee getting crushed so Sting goes for two more of them. The first one hits but the second is stopped as Vampiro pulls him under the ring through the mat and Sting is gone. He comes back and is busted open and out cold. Steiner puts on the Recliner and wins the title by TKO.

 

Rating: D-. Well this was worthless. Sting was more or less waiting around for the Vampy thing which wasn’t needed as he beat Vampiro cleanly earlier on in the night. Steiner gets the title after beating three guys despite being a terror in the back at this point. Steiner would hold the title for a few months until getting suspended for using a banned hold. Not bad for about 12 minutes combined in three matches.

 

We recap Jarrett vs. DDP which was set up Monday. Jarrett got his spot in this automatically while Page had to beat Luger and then the winner of Sting vs. Sid. Sid was champion but was stripped of the title instead. DDP beat Sting after New Blood interference in all three matches.

 

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

 

Kimberly is with Page here. Page hammers away to start us off and a discus clothesline puts Jarrett down. Spinning DDT gets two and a pescado follows. We’re on the floor again and Kimberly slaps Jeff. They go into the crowd and there’s a crutch used on Jarrett’s back. We can’t see anything here for the most part due to a combination of bad camera work and the fans being in the way.

 

Jarrett tries to cheat but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. Almost all DDP here so far and as I say that he gets crotched. There’s a superplex and Jeff goes to grab a chair. Jeff works over the back without using the chair because he’d rather wrestle. I can’t believe I’m saying this but God bless you Jeff Jarrett. Page starts firing back with right hands and a sitout powerbomb gets two.

 

Bischoff is standing in the aisle. They head to the floor where Jarrett uses various instruments on him. He rips up a copy of Page’s book and posts Page’s balls on the post. Page starts a comeback and rams Jeff’s balls into the post for some nice comeuppance. Jeff blocks the Diamond Cutter and down goes the referee. A belt shot puts Page down and the referee makes a two count.

 

Figure Four goes on to Page and Kimberly grabs the guitar. If you don’t know what she’s going to do with it, you’re a freaking moron. Page is still in the hold as we wait for the SHOCKING, yes SHOCKING I SAY heel turn by Page’s chick. He finally reverses it into a small package for two. Jarrett jumps into a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Jeff throws on a sleeper which is reversed, drawing Eric and Kim up to the apron. Diamond Cutter hits and there’s the turn and Jarrett wins the title.

 

Rating: C. It’s probably the best match of the night and that’s because it had some time to develop. If my memory and math are right this was the only match that went over ten minutes all night. I can understand having a problem with that when you have 13 matches, but there’s a simple solution to that: DON’T HAVE THIRTEEN MATCHES. Not a great match or even a good one but after three hours I’ll take it.

 

The New Blood celebrates together to end the show.

 

Overall Rating: D. If you’re a fan of tournaments, RUN out and find a copy of this show because it’s all your fantasies come true. Otherwise, it’s three hours of sloppy brawling in place of wrestling and a total of maybe two watchable matches out of 13. This was a nothing show and shows the problems of rebooting the freaking company six days before a PPV. Not a fan of this at all as the company was on the verge of its final downward spiral due to Russo booking the company so far into the ground it couldn’t see the light of day. Bad show due to the booking being WAY too overdone.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Watching Survivor Series 2001’s battle royal and this came to me:In the NWA/WCW, if you threw someone over the top rope it was an automatic DQ.  In a battle royal, you had to throw someone over the top and out to the floor to eliminate them.  What would happen in a battle royal where you could only be eliminated by throwing someone over the top rope for a DQ?

 

It could never happen you say?  Well Russo came up with a battle royal where the idea was to get into the ring instead of staying out.  Is this that much of a stretch?

Part 1: http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/01/10/what-killed-wcw-wcw-clue-part-1/

Now we get to the first of the big guns and something that I’ve considered a possible suspect in the past: the departure of the Radicalz. You have to remember that WCW had started their big run in 1996 on the idea of taking talent from the WWF. Now this had already happened in the form of Big Show a year prior and Chris Jericho about 4 months before, but this was a large group of people going at the same time. Now let’s take a look at what this meant both individually and then collectively.

We’ll start with the biggest of the four in Chris Benoit. Whether it was for the sake of trying to get him to stay or not, he had been given the WCW World Title just before he left. In other words, whomever was the next champion had no claim to the title. Why should I buy him as the best when the guy that was champion never lost it at all? The same thing happened to Lex Luger back in 1991, which I assure you we’ll get to later on.

Second is Eddie Guerrero. Now he was never nearly as big as Benoit was back in WCW but he was certainly worth something. He gave solid Cruiserweight Title matches and had arguably the best match in WCW’s history with Rey Mysterio at Halloween Havoc 1997. Eddie was the best of all of the Hispanic wrestlers there and it gave them a door into Latin America, along with guys like Juvy and Mysterio.

Saturn was a rising star in WCW, having won some tag titles in 99 and having a few runs as TV Champion as well. His popularity was growing, so WCW made him wear a dress and hook back up with Raven. Saturn kept getting cheered so he and Benoit were shoved down in favor of guys like the Jersey Triad and the reformed Harlem Heat. Oh and the Steiners. We don’t want to forget them.

Malenko is probably the weakest of the whole team, but he was certainly good for some solid mat work as well as being one of the members of the Horsemen (there’s a long thing that could be written on how badly that group was screwed up past about 1995 but that’s another story). Anyway, he wasn’t great but he was another loss.

So we combine all these guys into one unit that bailed on WCW in January of 2000 and showed up on Raw before February hit. Now what does this mean? First and foremost, those are four guys worth of at least watchable matches that you have to replace. At the end of the day, it’s a wrestling program. You have guys like Benoit and Malenko and Guerrero and Saturn out there having long matches on these shows and taking up a lot of the PPV time. Let’s say there are three matches between the four of them at 12 minutes apiece. Counting promos and entrances, you’re losing almost an hour or 1/3 of a PPV. That’s a lot of time to fill.

When guys like them leave, you have to fill their spots. For fun, let’s take a look at the three PPVs before they left and the three after and compare the matches in the spots on the cards with the Radicalz and the ones without them. The three beforehand were Mayhem 1999, Starrcade 1999 and Souled Out 1999. The three after they left were SuperBrawl 2000, Uncensored 2000 and Spring Stampede 2000.

At Mayhem, the matches involving the Radicalz were an eleven minute elimination tag third on the card and the main event for the world title which ran 18 minutes. Starrcade: fourth on the card was an 8 man tag lasting 5 minutes and the next to last was a ladder match for the US Title running 10 minutes. Souled Out was a two and a half minute opener, a ten minute hardcore match on sixth and a fifteen minute main event for the world title. On average, their matches ran about 24 minutes per show.

By comparison to the three shows after they were gone in the same spots on the cards: at SuperBrawl the third match had 3 Count and Norman Smiley lasting four minutes and the main event had Sid Vicious, Scott Hall and Jeff Jarrett running about 8 minutes. Uncensored saw Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count for the Hardcore Title taking up 7 minutes and the next to last match was Sid vs. Jarrett running seven and a half. Spring Stampede was another handicap with Flair/Luger vs. the Mamalukes/Harris Brothers running 6 minutes, Sting vs. Booker for six and a half and Jarrett vs. Page for 15 minutes. The averages for these matches: 18 minutes per show.

That may not mean much, but it means the matches were shorter on average and instead of guys like Benoit and Saturn, you’re getting 3 Count and Brian Knobbs. Instead of Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko, you’re getting Sid and Jeff Jarrett. Some of those may sound interesting, but which matches do you think are going to be train wrecks and which do you think are going to be good technical matches with good intensity?

In other words, the Radicalz leaving left a big hole in the card and instead of replacing them with younger wrestlers, the answer was more old guys, which was a major criticism of WCW at the time. The problem with the Radicalz leaving was that the company lost a lot of their young talent that was able to put on long matches and eat up PPV time. After they left, you get things like handicap matches and boy bands. Combining that with the further damage to the world title and it’s pretty easy to add the Radicalz leaving to the list of suspects as to what killed WCW.

In reverse chronological order:
1. David Arquette Wins World Title – May 7, 2000
2. The Radicalz Jump Ship – January 17, 2000

Just before then in the fall of 1999, Smackdown debuted as a regular show for the WWF. Due to this, Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara, the writers for WWF, left and went over to WCW. Since WCW was the only other game in town, both guys headed down south (because WCW is a southern company don’t you know) and decided that it wasn’t Foley and Taker and Rock and Austin and the young guys that had made WWF the dominant force in the last 18 months. It was all about the WRITERS, not the wrestlers.

Russo’s first major show as head writer was at Halloween Havoc 1999 and things almost immediately went downhill. To begin with, on the first show we had a “shoot” where Hogan laid down for Sting to pin him. No reasoning was ever given for this, but hey, it’s a shoot so it’s good right? Also we had Goldberg vs. Sting in the last match of the night because the match that you could have seen as the main event of Starrcade a mile away should be thrown onto the end of the PPV unannounced and it should last 3 minutes right?

You had ludicrous gimmicks (That 70s Guy, Screaming Norman, Oklahoma etc), more swearing, more semi-clothed women, a lot more people talking about how things were behind the scenes, and a lot more title changes. Here are a few more numbers for you stats people. We’ll take a look at how many times the WCW World Title changed hands in the years from 97-99 and then the year 2000.

In 1997, the world title changed hands 3 times, in 98 it changed hands 6 times, in 99 13 times, and then in Russo’s first year: 24 times, or once about every 2 weeks. The world title changed hands or was vacated seven times in January alone. In 2000, the title was vacated or stripped six times. Like we talked about before, why should I buy whomever the next champion is if they didn’t win the title? Also during this stretch, Arquette and Vince Russo himself were world champions. While TV ratings went up, the limited integrity that WCW had left as well as the general idea of what wrestling still was were thrown away for the sake of shock value and soap opera style television.

You’ll often hear that the difference between WWF and WCW under Russo was that there was a filter in the form of Vince McMahon. The differences is that at the end of the day, the big matches of the WWF Pay Per Views were usually awesome. You were getting Austin vs. Foley and HHH vs. Rock and Rock vs. Austin and Undertaker vs. Foley and Foley vs. Rock and there was some great wrestling going on. Yes it was all over the top and there were a lot of wild brawls, but what mattered was who got the 1-2-3.

In short, the WWF World Title was treated as something special. Instead of these matches happening on Raw, they happened on PPV. Remember those 24 world title changes in a year? Of those 24, 7 took place on PPV. The world title changed hands or was vacated on Nitro or Thunder SEVENTEEN TIMES IN A YEAR. By comparison, over in the WWF in the year 2000, the title changed hands 5 times, once on TV. Since Monday Night Raw debuted, the WWE Championship has changed hands 19 times IN TOTAL on something other than PPV, one of which was at a house show and one of which was it being vacated due to injury and being announced on WWE.com.

In short, Russo’s regime made the WCW World Title look a lot more worthless than it ever had before. With stuff ranging from the title being vacated to everything happening for free on TV instead of PPV, to constantly vacating the title, to David Arquette as champion, to Vince Russo as champion, why in the world would I want to see a WCW World Title match? The problem was that no one did want to.

The world title was probably the biggest thing he killed, but you also have to factor in things like the idiotic angles (pinata on a poll, That 70s Guy/The Fat Chick Thriller, Duggan turns Canadian, the Graveyard match (exactly what it sounds like), to Scott Steiner’s main event push, to Jeff Jarrett’s main event push and more stuff I’ve probably blocked out of my memory. He took a wrestling company and turned it into whatever WCW was from late 99 to the year 2000, so we’ll have to add him to the list. The minute he was hired, things were put on a very slippery slope and they never recovered.

In reverse chronological order:
1. David Arquette Wins World Title – May 7, 2000
2. The Radicalz Jump Ship – January 17, 2000
3. Vince Russo Hired – October 5, 1999

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http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885?sk=wall

http://www.prowrestling.net/artman/publish/TNA/article10021150.shtml

 

Thoughts on this?

I’d think it’s a good thing.  If nothing else it’ll cut down on the ridiculous number of turns.  Also less crazy match types and stupid stories that are way too complex and thought out for wrestling shows.  It’s not Shakespeare you know.

Monday Nitro
Date: September 4, 2000
Location: Reunion Arena, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Jeremy Borash

So this is another one of those shows I’m doing because it had a special match on it. This is the final “Wargames” match although it’s only that in name only. This is five years to the day after Nitro debuted so they wanted to have one big match for the sake of having one big match. Raw was in Lexington on this night and for the life of me I do not know why I didn’t go. This is back in the day of the two hour Nitros so the pain doesn’t have to be as long this time. It’s a one match show so let’s get to it.

We open to a video about the match which is called Russo’s Revenge, which even though it’s the triple cage from Slamboree and Ready to Rumble and a tag match, the world title is on the line. You know, because that makes sense. It’s called Russo’s Revenge and War Games 2000.

Russo’s Team, Nash, Jarrett and Steiner are here. Yeah Russo is wrestling again. He would win the world title in two weeks.

Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera vs. Insane Clown Posse

Yes it’s that Jeremy Borash on commentary. He’s bald here which is a weird look for him. Yes it’s that Insane Clown Posse. They decided they were wrestlers so WCW decided to cross promote or something. Naturally, no one cared because that’s what Juggalos do right? The champions are members of the Filthy Animals so Konnan gets to talk for awhile and makes no sense at all.

Naturally the clowns take over to start as Madden points out that they have no advantages here at all. Konnan and Disco Inferno join on commentary, meaning that three of the four commentators worked for Wrestlezone at some point. The Posse is just awful in the ring, botching just about everything and more or less just walking around the ring. Bronco Buster to Shaggy.

They get Rey in trouble and just stand there. This is just stupid. Who in the world thought this was a good idea? And why does Konnan call everyone cranberries? Disco says this is nonstop action which is rather funny. The Animals hit a modified What’s Up on Jay for the pin. At least it was short.

Rating: D-. What did Rey and Juvi do to deserve this? The Posse are people that tried to be wrestlers and stand in the ring knowing how to do all of a move each and apparently that qualifies them as wrestlers. Naturally WCW put them on national TV multiple times because they were famous. And you wonder why this company went out of business.

Lance Storm, one of the only things WCW got right in their dying days, is teaching Major Gunns how to be Canadian. His deadpan stuff here is awesome. This time it’s running a treadmill.

Ernest Miller and Booker T get into a limo.

The cage is lowering as we go to a break.

Nash vs. Booker for the title at Fall Brawl which I’ve reviewed already.

Here’s Russo and the Natural Born Thrillers who were an awesome team but they of course got screwed up. He gets into the cage on his own with the Thrillers outside. Russo makes jokes about the Cowboys to get sports heat. Keep in mind that this guy has come back ten days before Bound For Glory which scares me to death.

He explains the rules of the match tonight. The cage is basically in the Cell with a regular cage on top of that and a one cage half the size of the ring on top with the title hanging in it. You have to go up to the top (there are trapdoors to get to the next levels) and grab the belt, but then you have to bring it back down. I’ll ignore the natural problem of why wouldn’t you just stand at the door and beat up the guy that brings it down then leave yourself out of the sake of avoiding a headache.

Oh and there are two teams of four in a match about winning an individual title. Well of course there are. Russo says the teams are the babyfaces vs. the heels. Oh I give up. Tony points out the stupidity of having teams in this. Russo’s team is the face team and the other is the heel team which isn’t true but whatever. The other team is made of Miller, Goldberg, Booker and Sting.

Russo says that Miller has no power tonight so in order to get in the match later they have to win qualifying matches. If Goldberg wins, Goldberg can beat up Russo. And here comes Nash to make sure this segment keeps going. He’s champion at the moment having beaten Booker a week ago. Nash gets in Russo’s face and says the title isn’t on the line here. He’s not a fighting champion and is only defending once a month.

Vince says that Nash does what Russo says and Nash isn’t happy about this. Nash is his daddy out here and grabs Russo by the throat and we get blackness and lightning and thunder. Sting popped up through the ring apparently and brought a ladder with him somehow. Russo tells Nash to get him but Nash flips him off. And then Sting does nothing at all. Oh wait he talks a bit.

Ok never mind he’s not gone yet. Sting started to leave but Russo climbed the ladder and Sting chased him. Russo’s team comes out to chase Sting and here comes Miller and Booker. They fight with the Thrillers in the ring as this is freaking stupid. Is there a point to this an hour before the match? Somehow Russo gets away but in the ramp Goldberg shows up. All this is happening in the first half hour of the show. Could this be overbooked any more?

Back from a break Steiner and Jarrett freak out on Russo. It should be noted Russo has gotten more face time than anyone else tonight so far.

Jeremy looks WEIRD bald. We see him getting his head shaved for losing some bet. He’s here because Scott Hudson is having his first child. Nothing wrong with that.

Here come the Harris Brothers for no apparent reason. They want some footage played and it’s about Kronik. We see a bar fight where they beat up Kronik and that’s it.

Shane Douglas and Torrie are in Russo’s office and Shane wants Goldberg. They bring in the Thrillers and Torrie is really worried.

Wargames Qualifying Match: Sting vs. Great Muta/Vampiro

Vampiro is Juggalo Championship World Champion (censored version of their real name) at this point and no one cares. Honestly what did WCW get out of this? And it’s a minute long with Muta hitting Vampiro with the mist, setting up a Splash and Death Drop to end it. Sting is in the main event. Vampiro and Muta argue afterwards so we get the Posse again to break it up.

More Canadian training with Storm who is cracking me up.

Stevie Ray is in the back and yells at Russo. “What do you mean I’m wrestling? I don’t want to wrestle! I came here to wrestle somebody!” We don’t hear who he’s wrestling but it’s an argument anyway.

Jarrett is yelling at Nash about Russo. Nash isn’t happy with Vince.

Here’s Ray again. Ray is usually the commentator on Thunder. No one is really sure why he got such a big push all of a sudden but he did anyway. He says that the match is with his brother.

Wargames Qualifying Match: Stevie Ray vs. Booker T

Stevie jumps him to start and it’s on. And we’re in a rest hold less than 30 seconds in. Axe Kick hits and Booker gets a Spinarooni. Stevie catches him with a spinebuster but won’t cover. And then the Book End hits to send Booker to the main event. Another two minute match that they call great, despite Stevie hitting a total of a spinebuster. Stevie yells at him for no apparent reason and then hugs him. Just move on to something else please.

Kronik is looking for the Harris Brothers and yell at the Jung Dragons who are Asian stereotypes. Naturally they get beaten up.

Three Count is in the ring but here’s Kronik again. They hits a cool looking Triple Chokeslam and this is domination. Is this a match? A referee is out there but Adams calls out the Harris Brothers anyway. Should be noted that the Harris Brothers were one of the most hated teams ever because they SUCKED.

Jeff Jarrett comes out instead and says that since they’re already in a handicap match (which no one knows what he’s talking about) let’s make it a Wargames handicap match, so Miller needs to get out here.

Wargames Qualifying Match: Ernest Miller vs. Kronik

Jarrett gets on commentary too here. Miller points out to the monsters that they’re on the same team so let’s go beat up Jarrett. And then he tries to steal a rollup on Clark, resulting in a bad beating. Jarrett chases Miller’s woman with a guitar as Kronik botches a clothesline. Miller is the commissioner apparently. Double Chokeslam ends it so Kronik is in Wargames making it 5-4. Sure why not.

Steiner is ticked at Russo now because Kronik is now in Wargames.

Goldberg vs. Steiner at Fall Brawl which was a good match.

Wargames Qualifying Match: Shane Douglas vs. Goldberg

First up though Torrie runs down the crowd. She’s really young here so this is pretty bad. This show is horrible if you couldn’t tell. Here comes Goldberg. Shane, who wanted Goldberg, begs to get out of it now. Pure power from Goldberg to start of course. We hit the floor and Shane dodges a forearm which hits the post instead. Shane works the arm and Goldberg just shoves him off. The Thrillers come out to beat up Goldberg which of course fails also. Shane tries to hit him with a chain. Spear and Jackhammer end this of course.

Rating: N/A. The longest match so far has been four minutes long and it had the Insane Clown Posse in it. This show needs to end already.

Russo throws a fit in the back.

Russo and Nash have another moment. You know they’re going to be best friends by the end of the night right?

Guns goes swimming in her final test. The Misfits in Action are there too and we get a fight in the pool.

Russo (noticing a theme here?) gives a speech to the Thrillers and makes a gauntlet match with Vito vs. the Thrillers.

Arn Anderson is in the back and is asked if Ric will be here for his son’s wedding next week. This didn’t end well of course. Oh and it’s in Charlotte.

Big Vito vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Vito beat up Russo last week to cause this. The Thrillers say nothing of note and Vito makes gay jokes. Screw the gauntlet part apparently so it’s everyone vs. Vito at once. Guess how this goes. Palumbo and Reno hit a 3D and stomping ensues. This goes on way too long and Sanders gets the pin. End this show already.

The non-Russo team talks about how awesome they are. Goldberg isn’t here.

WCW World Title: Wargames

You know the teams by now I’d assume. People come in at two minute intervals. Jarrett vs. Sting to start us off. Everyone else stays in the back here. They fight on the floor as everyone knows nothing is going to happen until we get to the full or nearly the full amount of people. Sting dominates and Scott Steiner is #3. Sting almost gets up the ladder to the second cage but Steiner makes the save. They beat up Sting and nothing happens for two minutes.

Kronik (both of them) come out as #4. Well of course they do. Steiner gets to the second cage and has bolt cutters up there for some reason. Adams and Clark both follow him up and take him down. That cage floor looks VERY shaky. Sting and Jarrett just kind of stand around and here’s Russo as the next person. He’s #5 but the 6th person in the match. He brings the Harris Twins with him who go after Kronik.

Sting beats up Jarrett in the ring as this is just stupid. There are weapons in the middle cage. Sting splashes Russo because Russo stays there for it like an idiot. Scorpion goes on as Russo is getting killed. Steiner climbed back down to the ring for no apparent reason. Nash is out next so apparently the team thing goes in no order. Nash helps up Steiner so Sting beats them both up for a bit.

Nash takes Sting down and goes to chokeslam Russo but Jarrett and Steiner makes the save by talking him down. Kronik and the Harris Brothers are fighting in the crowd and won’t be seen again. You can be eliminated apparently. Nash chokes Steiner and Jarrett as Booker is the next to last guy. He beats up all the heels other than Nash who takes him out.

No one is in the middle cage at all at this point. Russo is in a hockey helmet. Here’s Goldberg to complete this mess. Nash has Russo set for a Jackknife but drops him instead. Goldberg takes out Jarrett and Steiner but gets caught with a baseball bat shot. Booker sneaks up to the middle cage as Nash just stands in front of the door. Goldberg gets handcuffed to the ropes.

Steiner, Sting and Jarrett head up and fight on the second cage. While the other three fight Booker goes to the very top and gets the belt. But hey that’s not enough to win as he has to get down and leave the cage. The view of Booker that high up is terrifying to me as I’m scared of heights. Booker drops the belt as Madden has a good idea: why not put it on so you have free hands?

Sting has been handcuffed to the middle cage so Booker is on his own. Steiner drops the belt to the ring and Russo gets it. Here’s Miller go kick Russo in the helmet (doesn’t hit the head at all) and get powerbombed by Nash. Nash gets the belt and Goldberg snaps the handcuffs but throws the belt down to beat up Russo.

Scratch that he has the belt now. He tries to leave but Bret freaking Hart slams the door on his head and Steiner hits him with a pipe. Russo grabs the belt and Nash grabs him, but then they hug and Nash leaves to defend the title successfully. Yep the whole night was a massive swerve. Hart was never on Nitro again that I remember.

Rating: F. Oh do I really need to get into this? Somehow it’s an even bigger mess than I described. Kronik and the Harris Brothers just leaving still makes me laugh for some reason. They’re in a world title match and are just like “screw this” and go off to watch Howard the Duck or something. Horrible match and for no apparent reason is on free TV when in theory it could have drawn something on PPV. Whatever though.

Overall Rating: F. Yeah I think this is self explanatory. For comic book fans this is like a massive one shot that never went anywhere and is never mentioned again. It’s totally pointless and served no point other than to have one big match for free for no apparent reason. This was a terrible show with no good wrestling and FAR too much Russo, which was a common problem in this era. Somehow this is a two hour show with 90 minutes of air time factoring out commercials. It felt far longer though.

Bash at the Beach 2000
Date: July 9, 2000
Location: Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, Florida
Attendance: 6,572
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

Ok so this is a show I get asked about a lot due to an infamous segment in it so I figured I might as well just do it once and for all. Well that and someone requested the whole show so there we are. We’re back at the birthplace of the NWO so you know they’re going to try to do something “shocking.” The main event is supposed to be Hogan vs. Jarrett but you know that’s not going to work. The company is just dead in the water at this point and they’re just waiting to be put out of their misery. Let’s get to it.

Ernest Miller who is the commissioner for the week has the guy formerly known as Ice Train, his limo driver, to prevent outside interference in the cruiserweight title match. The Jung Dragons jump him and he beats them up in a badly choreographed sequence that went absolutely nowhere. The opening video has no narration and is just clips of the main event.

Masterlock, as in the company that makes actual locks, is the sponsor. Let that sink in for a bit.

Oh and yes, it’s THAT Mark Madden on commentary.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Lieutenant Loco

This is Filthy Animals vs. M.I.A. We have Konnan, Disco and Madden in the same vicinity. It’s a WrestleZone reunion! Konnan is so annoying. Disco is even more annoying. Loco is more commonly known as Chavo Guerrero and is the champion but Juvy stole the belt. Oh and remember that thing where we were told there weren’t supposed to have anyone at ringside? There are only 8 of them so far. The referee throws them all out as I have no idea what these people were supposed to be. We get into an argument over what Sports Entertainment is. Oh dear.

Juvy runs early and sits on the stage pointing at his crotch. Can we like, wrestle? We have a boring chant 8 minutes into the show. Madden reminds us that the Jung Dragons, the people that jumped Miller to start the show, had made a deal with Miller on Thunder. Madden calls Juvy the Juicer-Weight Champion.

A piece of Juvy’s hair falls out while he’s in the chinlock. Madden is already on my nerves. Juvy keeps trying to run so Chavo spanks him. Chavo hits a great dive to the floor to half kill Juvy. Chavo was one of the few things that was just awesome in the dying days of WCW. He hit a groove for the last 6-7 months or so and was untouchable and it was just starting here.

The Filthy Animals come out in masks to be at ringside, making the whole order earlier completely pointless. And with no one telling them to, they leave. Tony thinks they planned this. Something to keep in mind here: you’re going to see or read about a LOT of stuff that is completely and utterly ridiculous and or stupid in this show so be prepared. Just be glad I’m not doing Raw or Thunder.

Thunder became a comedy show as they literally often edited the show wrong so it wasn’t in order, meaning there would be explanations for things that hadn’t happened yet or matches ending before they began. And this is the legitimate second biggest company in the country at the moment.

And here’s MIA dressed as Bill Clinton. MIA is Misfits in Action for those of you lucky enough to not know. Their big chested girl comes out and takes her shirt off to distract Juvy and it only gets two, making it pointless. The Juvy Driver gets two as this has been a decent match. The Tornado DDT ends it for Chavo.

Rating: B-. Very good opener here, but again, what did we need the run-ins for? You have two guys that can fly and do their thing out there as well as anyone but instead we need 9 run-ins and girls taking their clothes off and masks. Again, good wrestling is overshadowed by cheap parlor tricks.

The Jung Dragons are in Miller’s office and we get the point: they’re parodying Rush Hour. Ignore the fact that the movie came out two years before this and the sequel wouldn’t come until next year. They’re using quotes from the movie and we have a black guy that can’t shut up and Asians that only partially understand. Jarrett comes in and wants Hogan. He has a fat woman here to sing for Hogan. I kid you not. Hogan isn’t here yet. Oh and the belt he’s wearing is a replica of the real belt which is damaged and it’s very obvious due to an outline around the edges.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. ???

Vito is a mobster or Italian stereotype or something. It was supposed to be Johnny the Bull and Terry Funk but they hurt each other so instead we get these two.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Norman Smiley/Ralphus

Smiley got ridiculously over as hardcore champion so they immediately pulled him off TV. This is his return. According to WCW hardcore rules, the match has to start in the back and work its way to the ring. That of course doesn’t happen here but they mention it anyway.

They do it backwards so they go to the back after starting in the arena. And now they have to go back to the ring for the pin to end in there. Yes, they managed to screw up the hardcore division by adding rules to the division without rules. Norman does the Big Wiggle which is basically a dance that is supposed to look like sodomy. Ralphus is toothless and incredibly fat so he wears a half shirt. He also beats up the champion.

Norman’s character is that he’s terrified of being beaten up yet he kept retaining the belt by accident. For instance he had an I Quit match for the belt but he got hit in the throat by a martial arts shot and couldn’t speak. The guy he was fighting shouted at him to say I quit, thereby losing the match.

The thing is Smiley could go move for move with Benoit or Regal and was hilarious at comedy stuff so he got incredibly popular. Like I said, he was then taken off TV as a reward. He gets thrown in an elevator so it’s Ralphus vs. Vito. The fans chant for Ralphus so of course he gets his teeth kicked in. It’s table time. A splash through Ralphus ends it. Norman comes back after the match to do nothing.

Rating: D. So let’s look at this again: WCW based this match on the return of a guy and then had him leave the match halfway through and has him lose. There’s another example of the questionable booking that’s going on here. It’s just the lack of logic in the booking that you get like this.

Ad for New Blood Rising, the next PPV.

Goldberg, the heel (another BRILLIANT move as we turned the only popular guy left in the company heel) shows up with Scott Hall’s contract in his pocket. He has a match with Nash for that later on.

Nash wants Hall to come back. And remember, these same two would still be tag champions over ten years later.

We recap Daffney vs. Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler). The idea is that David Flair left his storyline fiancé Daffney for his real life fiancé Miss Hancock. In other words we’re having a match over an angle being dropped. This is what we were dealing with here. Oh and it’s a wedding gown match.

Miss Hancock vs. Daffney

Naturally Stacy looks gorgeous. This wound up going to a pregnancy angle where there was supposed to be incest of some kind, I believe with Stacy being Ric’s daughter or him being the father of the baby or something like that. It never came through due to the lack of business but whatever. And yes that’s the Scream Queen of TNA. She’s also the better in ring competitor here. Stacy is 20 here. That’s hard to believe.

There’s wedding cake here too. Instead of trying to win they go for the cake. David is on his second interference so far. The referee gets pantsed and so does David. Now the girls chase each other around the ring and we try to shave Daffney’s head. Oh look it’s Crowbar to interfere even more. He takes his pants off to keep things even. We do get a funny line of “he’s choking David Flair with his pants!” And then Stacy just strips for the heck of it so that Daffney wins. Daffney hits her with cake.

Rating: N/A. Not wrestling, but the girls both looked good. This is what I get for watching WCW from 2000 though so I bring this on myself.

Ernest Miller wants to find Ox Baker to be on the card (he had been retired for 12 years and would be in his late 60s at this point) and is walking around in the back. The Jung Dragons try to sneak up on him but they have music accompanying them wherever they go, so they can’t sneak up on him. And you thought TNA was illogical.

According to Tony it’s clear that Miller is waiting on the arrival of Hogan. While the announcers talk the fans behind him get more interested in something else and look the other way for something with the announcers not noticing at all. The delay is to clean up the cake by the way because we couldn’t put down a mat or a removable thing to prevent this kind of a delay.

Tony: “it was here…well not here but close to here, about 80 miles from here. Now let’s go back to two years later…” He can’t even speak English properly! By the way we’re at about 5 minutes of just killing time here while we clean up the mat because you know, there isn’t a promo or something we could go to or a segment where some young guys get some camera time to develop their characters a tiny bit. That could never happen right?

Tag Titles: Perfect Event vs. Kronik

That would be Chuck Palumbo/Shawn Stasiak vs. Adam Bomb/Crush by the way. Stasiak is using Mr. Perfect’s music and is called Perfectshawn. They even feuded. The same happened with Palumbo and Lex Luger. Kronik were made up of weed jokes. This of course is the top tag feud in the company.

Kronik had the belts and the Perfect Event “accidentally” won them and we’re constantly told that Kronik should destroy the champions here and get the belts back. Great way to build up the champions there guys. Palumbo has a flex bar called the Lex Flexor. You know, so we can be reminded of the guy that he’s imitating and that did the gimmick better.

So the champions are being destroyed here and this is perfectly fine apparently. They try to have Crush (why bother with the real names?) is supposed to be dumped over the top due to heel cheating. It doesn’t work but it’s sold by the announcers anyway. Hey, the champions are actually winning! Tony: “we’re not used to seeing the champions in control like this!”

See what I mean here? No title in WCW meant a thing so there was no point to watch feuds to get to a title which meant there was no point to building big matches so there was no point in watching. Another line from Tony: “Amazingly they’re (the champions) in charge!” Could you please stop burying your champions?

The match is barely watchable at best as they’re going through a standard formula but the dynamic is all wrong as the big strong guys are the faces in peril which is completely backwards from what it’s supposed to be. Oh and Kronik could be hired to protect people, which is nothing at all like the Acolyte PROTECTION Agency which was also two big guys that beat people up for money. See with the APA, one guy wasn’t white. Totally different characters entirely. What a silly mistake to make!

Crush uses what we would call an F5 and I say uses in the weakest sense of the word. This is of course a total mess and has no real resemblance of a tag match. Double chokeslam to Stasiak but Palumbo saves. He gets a double shot as well and a Doomsday Device with a powerbomb instead of an electric chair ends it. Oh and the crowd is 16,000 people now instead of about 6,500 like it really is.

Rating: D-. Like I said the dynamic here was completely off. This just did nothing at all and the booking of the champions gave me no reason at all to watch this match. It was FAR too long also at almost fifteen minutes. Yes these guys got 13 minutes or so on PPV, which is longer than Chavo and Juvy, two talented guys, got. See the problem here?

The Cat is trying to get James Brown on the PPV (they actually did that at one point) and Jarrett comes in as he looks for the Jung Dragons or whoever is making that music. Jarrett threatens to mess up the show because he’s bored. So am I buddy. The Dragons beat him up.

Kanyon vs. Booker T

Kanyon is Positively Kanyon here as he imitates DDP. Seriously, is ANYONE here an original character? We hear of a graveyard match later on which is the KISS Demon vs. Vampiro. Oh I can’t wait for that one. Booker is one of the few guys in WCW to get to the top from the ground and he was pretty impressive in doing so. Booker is over as free beer in a frat house here.

Why are these guys fighting again? Oh we’re not going to be told? Ok then just thought I’d ask. Madden goes on a rant against DDP of course because DDP had talent and people cared about him at some point. Allegedly Kanyon is wearing DDP’s tights. Pay no attention to the fact that DDP normally wore black or jeans and Kanyon is in red or that the tights look nothing like DDP’s but whatever.

Booker takes a brick out of the DDP book that Kanyon is carrying with him. And then Booker slips getting out of the ring. Kanyon puts the steps on Booker and drives them down with a chair. The referee doesn’t seem to care as I guess he’s as put to sleep as I am by the earlier parts of this show.

Kanyon was indeed good at coming up with offense. Oh apparently Booker thinks Kanyon is something wrong with WCW so he’s fighting him to get rid of him. Well that’s better than nothing. Kanyon does a bunch of stuff to Booker’s back including a reverse Boston Crab which actually would be FAR less painful than a regular one but whatever.

Kanyon hits Booker with a book that used to have a brick in it. There’s no brick in it but Booker sells it anyway. Oh he was playing possum. The Axe Kick hits as does the Book End (Rock Bottom, and pay no attention to Booker being considered the People’s Champion and having his catchphrase added to the start of his theme music). And here’s Jarrett with a guitar shot to Booker so the Diamond Cutter from Kanyon ends it.

Rating: C-. Decent match here, but of course there was interference and a weapon in use here because it wouldn’t be WCW if we didn’t have those. This was a great example of what could have been a good match being overbooked and messed up for no apparent reason at all. What’s the point of that again? Ah I forgot: there isn’t one.

Mike Awesome hits on the fat singer.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

So this was around the time that Steiner was completely insane in the back and was constantly getting into legal trouble and being suspended with pay. For example he got in a backstage fight and then suspended. It was the 4th of July weekend and he was paid on the suspension. He broke the rules and got a paid holiday vacation. The roids were absolutely insane at this time and he was legit crazy for the most part. Awesome runs out but Steiner hits him instead, making himself look like the face which he isn’t.

Awesome has been in WCW for like three or four months at this point, having left ECW for WCW which was safer. Humorously enough, ECW filed for bankruptcy after WCW was bought by Vince. ECW lasted longer than WCW. Let that sink in for a bit as I never realized it before. Steiner is beating Awesome badly here and it’s flat out stupid. In other words, they’re killing off another character for the sake of Steiner. That would become a running theme in WCW: young and talented guys being sacrificed to old guys.

There’s a bell to the head. Oh but that isn’t a DQ either and neither is that chair shot right in front of the referee. Awesome hits a springboard splash for two. Good night that guy could fly. And here’s Miller AGAIN for no apparent reason. He’s fine after the beatdown earlier too. We’ll just keep the camera on him too since nothing important is going on at the moment at all. Steiner sets for the Recliner but Miller says oh no you don’t. That earns him a right hand. Nice job boss.

The top rope splash gets two as Steiner kicks out of another finishing move. And there goes the referee since that just has to happen. Miller comes in and accidentally kicks Awesome. Steiner hits him to a big pop and then the Recliner…isn’t put on yet as Miller says he’ll strip him of the title if he uses it. Steiner does it and so does Miller. He doesn’t give it to Awesome or anything so whatever. Scott beats Awesome up even more and gets even more pops. Hey, let’s make sure we keep this incredibly popular guy as top heel though.

Rating: C. This was a very intense match that had a great thing of going back and forth with people kicking out of one thing after another. And then of course Miller had to do a run-in because….well just because. In other words, more overbooked stuff where WCW simply refuses to accept that Steiner is popular so they do what they want to do instead of listening to the fans. Typical.

Should be noted that we just had the 6th match. Other than the hardcore match, there have been either run-ins or weapons used in all of them.

The Demon vs. Vampiro

This is a graveyard match. The Demon was part of a marketing deal with the band KISS. Here’s the idea: WCW decided that their wrestling wasn’t drawing good enough ratings so they decided to have musical guests on Nitro, one of which was KISS. The idea was that eventually each member of the band would have a wrestler based on their persona.

Originally Brian Adams of Kronik was the Gene Simmons one but he changed his mind and it was given to Dale Torborg, the guy that played him here. He was a jobber so no one recognized him for the most part. Ok that’s all well and good then. However, KISS pulled out so he became just The Demon and no one cared. He was in Vampiro’s stable and then left it, making this match. Oh and the KISS concert was the lowest rated quarter segment in the history of the Monday Night Wars.

So anyway, Demon tells the girl with him to not follow him. She says she won’t. He turns around and she follows him anyway. It’s like something out of a bad comedy show. You win this by getting back to the ring. And remember that this is nothing like a social outcast being in a boiler room and having to get back to the ring at all.

You also can’t see anything here as this is in an actual graveyard. Vampiro jumps out of a tree. Wow. Apparently this is about Sting somehow. Yeah whatever. Let’s just get this over with. Vampiro drags Demon down into an open grave. Again do I even need to make fun of this?

Vampiro chases the girl (Asya, which is nothing like the big muscle chick in WWF also named after a geographic region in the Far East. She had black hair) The referee is following them with a flashlight for crying out loud. Tony points out that this is now a footrace.

They’re by a stream or something like that and Vampiro knocks him into the water. WHAT AM I WATCHING??? The referee gets the Demon out of the water as I think I’m watching Buffy or Charmed. Demon chases after him and finds Asya next to a coffin. Vampiro pops out of it and spits blood at him and then hits him with a tombstone before putting him in the coffin.

And apparently the match isn’t over yet as we’re going to talk to Shane Douglas. Ok then. He talks about Buff Bagwell and how he guarantees victory tonight. I guess we’ll call that the end of the match too.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling and I have no idea what it was. It was stupid though.

Ad for a sweepstakes where you could be Goldberg’s guest manager. Well that’s original if nothing else.

Buff Bagwell vs. Shane Douglas

They were partners and they broke up. That’s all I’ve got. Buff stalls to start despite being the face here. Bagwell is yet another example of a guy that was around forever and got some small pushes but never once was given the chance to be actually elevated. He had a cool finisher, a catchy song, a good name and a great look, but hey we can’t put him in the upper midcard or give him anything serious right? I’m not saying he would have been the second coming of Kurt Angle, but I’m saying what did they have to lose from trying?

Shane goes for a piledriver on the floor which doesn’t work. He gets crotched on the post instead. Are there just no rules in WCW anymore? After a long time of nothing, Torrie comes out and slaps Douglas. I’ll start the clock on how long before she turns on Buff to help Shane.

She and Buff kiss and she makes it a whole a minute without turning. Ah there it is. That of course doesn’t end it as we have to wait even longer. Buff shoves her down but walks into the Franchiser (reverse Stunner more or less) to end it. Madden says he has a Head Cheerleader now. Give me a break, although Torrie is hotter.

Rating: D. This was, just like many other matches on the card tonight, completely boring and based around a predictable heel turn that did nothing at all for anyone. This wasn’t interesting at all and was just filler. It wasn’t particularly bad. It just wasn’t any good at all.

HOGAN IS HERE!

Jarrett isn’t worried.

We recap Hogan vs. Jarrett which is basically over Jarrett had Goldberg hurt Hogan and then started getting fat women to audition to sing for him.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Jeff Jarrett

And this is the reason for the whole issue of this show. I’ll save the details of what’s going on until everything is over. The music plays and there’s no Jarrett. Note that Tony calls Hogan Terry Bollea. That’ll come into play later. Instead here’s Vince Russo with a bat. Now he hadn’t been seen in a good while so this was a legit shock.

He looks ticked off too. Ah there’s Jarrett. Russo is called Keyzer Soze so you know he’s evil. Hogan is Hollywood Hogan here. He comes out looks fine and does his thing. Hogan asks for the mic and Jarrett has walked up the ramp and is just standing there. He cuts a very basic and generic promo with nothing wrong with it at all and here comes Jarrett.

There’s the bell and Jarrett lays down. Russo signals to Hogan to cover him and then throws him the belt. Madden says they’re deviating away from the script. The fans chant Russo sucks. Hogan gets on the mic again and says crap like this is the reason this company is in the place it’s in. Hogan puts his foot on the chest and wins the world title.

Hudson: “We’re going to have some explaining to do tomorrow.” Keep that in mind. Hogan and Jarrett leave and both look very ticked off. The announcers run down Hogan and HEAVILY imply the whole thing is scripted, as in the match would have been scripted.

I’m going to skip ahead a little here so if for some reason you’re reading along as you watch the show or something like that, this is going to appear out of order but I’m doing that on purpose, so what I’m about to talk about came a bit later on than where I’m saying it did.

Russo comes back out and cuts the promo that caused ALL the problems. Ok not all of them but all of them tonight. He’s going to tell it like it is apparently. He talks about the politics backstage and that he doesn’t need this place. However he came back for guys like Booker T and MIA. And he just lost me. Hogan doesn’t care about the company and is a politician. Russo says that today Hogan insisted that he win the title tonight and played his creative control card to do so. You’ll NEVER see him again.

Russo goes on to say that no one will be ripped off here tonight. You know aside from not seeing the main event they paid to see. Russo flat out says the WCW belt means jack but that’s no longer the world title. Jarrett is still the world champion apparently and will defend against Booker T, which was the same match from Thunder last week but whatever. He calls Hogan a big bald SOB and throws the mic down.

Tony says that was a shoot. Hudson says that wasn’t talked about in the production meeting and it wasn’t on the format sheet. Don’t believe him? Have a look at this format sheet I’m holding up then. That sums up things well I’d say.

Ok. That last line that he said is what sent this whole thing completely to the grave. Scratch that. It put it through the bottom of the grave and buried it even further somehow. Let’s go back to the beginning and the idea that sums this whole thing up: Vince Russo is an idiot. Here was his idea: fake a shoot. Russo’s theory of booking is this: what you’re watching is fake, but you need to pretend that it’s real.

However at times there are going to be “real” (as in fake shoots) moments. This was one of those “real” things. Everything Russo said in his speech about the creative control card may have been true, but he’s saying that none of this was planned in advance, which in real life it was (and I mean REAL life, not “real” life if that makes sense).

The idea was that Terry Bollea the character played his creative control card rather than Terry Bollea the real person. Later on, as in maybe the late fall or at Starrcade, Hogan would return and feud with whoever the WCW Champion was, saying that he was the REAL champion since he had the belt.

That’s plausible I guess, but then Russo gave his speech. The last line about the bald headed SOB made Terry Bollea (the REAL Terry Bollea, not Terry Bollea the character) mad because he felt it was character defamation that could hurt his future earnings. In other words, he was mad at Russo for saying bad things about his character. So he of course sued Russo. I mean he sued him in real life in a case that was still in court in 2004 which is why he didn’t go to TNA then. Anyway, Hogan never did come back because of that last line, making a “shoot” into a shoot.

Oh and a side note: Jarrett wasn’t in on this. Allegedly it was just Hogan, Russo and Bischoff. Great way to bring the locker room together guys.

Now here’s why Russo is stupid. Number one: this was NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN. They NEVER gave anything at all as far of an explanation or why Booker was the champion other than he beat Jeff Jarrett (yeah I know big spoiler. Shoot me.). Oh and as a side note: Jarrett pinned Booker to get a title shot the next night anyway which is stupid in ways I can’t even fathom.

The second reason Russo was stupid: NO ONE KNEW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT. Think about it. How many wrestling fans out of say 10,000 would know what a shoot is? Or would know what creative control was? Or would know anything about backstage politics? We know about them because we’re smarks. This is what we do.

Russo thinks EVERYONE is a smark, or at least a HUGE majority of the fans. Tell me: the last time you went to a wrestling event, of the people around you, how many knew less about wrestling than you did? How many could tell you that Stephanie and HHH were really married the entire time and that it was real before it was revealed last year on Raw?

Russo believed everyone knew what he was talking about and that there were very few fans that cheered for good guys and booed bad guys just because that’s what you’re supposed to do. It was all about knowing more than the next guy and being “in” on the business.

The problem is MAYBE 3% of the people there knew what he meant when he was saying all this stuff and that’s likely a high number. This didn’t raise ratings, no one extra bought the PPV because of it since no one knew it was coming, and since it was never talked about again no one had any reason to build to it.

In other words, if you didn’t buy the PPV you never knew it happened and if you did buy the PPV then you were just confused by it unless you were maybe 1 out of every 1,000 fans that was on the internet back then. Like I said, today when the internet is MUCH more powerful and has heavier traffic than it did 10 years ago, most fans simply don’t get that far into wrestling.

As for my thoughts on it, it’s really not as big as the Fingerpoke of Doom for one reason: WCW still had a chance then. At that point WCW was in big trouble but there was a CHANCE they could have come back and made a run of it, especially with Austin about to get hurt and with the REALLY bad TV WWF would put out over that year (a big reason WWF won wasn’t because they were great.

It’s just that WCW was that awful). This was par for the course really when you consider the state of WCW. I mean look at this show before all this happened. There hasn’t been a clean finish all night, there’s more cursing, there’s more sex and the angles and characters are stupider.

WCW was dead at this point and they knew it. In 1999, they still had a legit chance to turn it around. This isn’t as much a referendum on the company as it is on Russo and Hogan. This was more like the final nail in the coffin whereas the Fingerpoke was the fatal wound.

Oh yeah we have two matches left.

Vampiro walks to the ring and wins the match from earlier. He has a mic as everyone else does and says the dark circle is now completed and the Demon is dead. The fans want Sting and here come 8 Stings. They have a coffin like the one Torborg was in earlier. Oh of course Sting is in it. Vampiro is put in the coffin and then he disappears.

Goldberg wants to hurt Nash so he can get rid of Hall’s contract. How in the world did they mess up Goldberg?

We recap Nash vs. Goldberg. (everything else is in order by the way) Goldberg turned heel and joined the New Blood (Stupid, stupid, stupid) and becoming top heel in the company. SUPER NASH came to the rescue and somehow Hall became the focus of this despite not being on TV at this point for about four and a half months or so but whatever.

Kevin Nash vs. Bill Goldberg

They start off brawling but Steiner is here in like a minute and a half playing cheerleader. He’s apparently a face tonight but you know he’s turning on Nash here. Spear misses though. Yep there it is. Nash fight him off but the spear and Jackhammer end it. This wasn’t even five minutes long. They beat up Nash and rip up the contracts to cheers.

Rating: N/A. This was barely even a match and was really just a way to do a turn. Yeah I don’t care either but this whole thing was just a mess. They took the main event of the biggest show of the year and had it go four minutes here. I’ll never get some things about this company.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker T

One has to wonder why the guy that would wind up leaving as champion would have jobbed to a midcarder earlier but that would imply logic so there we are. Oh and they have the other world title there, as in the original one. Tony says he hasn’t seen it in years because the top is bent. And it just happened to be there tonight. Right. Either that or they got it to the arena in like 30 minutes. So it’s a pizza? See if this had happened say two years ago (as in Booker being in the main event) this could have meant something. We get a nice technical sequence as Booker is completely over.

We hit the crowd and walk around for a little bit with very limited actual offense or anything like that. Again, why are we having to do this? Are you telling me we can’t have these two give us a solid in ring match? And there are the weapons to really suck away any real chance of this being awesome. Jarrett piledrives him on the announce table. Now here’s the thing: the violence like this in a match is fine.

This is a big match so they’re going the extra mile. There’s nothing wrong with that and I can understand relaxing the rules for it. The problem with that is literally every match tonight has had a run-in or weapons used. It makes things like this seem less special or less intense. Even ECW had gotten that message by this point and had toned it down.

Now that being said, this is a solid match, but the lack of drama hurts it as ONCE AGAIN WCW blows the chance to show a feel good moment on PPV. Here’s the thing: Booker is clearly popular. Him winning the title tonight is going to be a big moment. The problem is that NO ONE KNOWS THIS IS GOING ON, other than people that bought the PPV.

Instead of announcing Booker as the title shot, they went with Hogan and wound up giving us Booker, rather than taking a chance on Booker as a draw. We hear about how this isn’t about politics and is about athleticism. If by that they mean desperation then I’d agree. Somehow this is Jarrett’s match of his life. Just….no. It’s figure four time as I’m tempted to predict a Flair run-in here.

Tony and the other announcers talk about how much Booker has had to go through here, including the grating of the political thing with Hogan earlier tonight. Did ANYONE know how to think in this company? The Axe Kick connects and Jarrett more or less no sells it for no apparent reason. And now, le sigh as down goes the referee. A belt shot to Jarrett gets a long two.

We get a bunch of low blows and chair shots and now Jarrett just says screw it and this the Stroke on the referee. The Book End hits and another referee counts the pin. The fans all cheer and raise the roof which was Booker’s signature thing and it’s a big feel good moment. We’ll ignore the absolute destruction of any kind of sanity and the fact that the company was dead by this point too, as this comes oh about 2 years too late to mean anything.

Rating: B. Again, this was a good match. The problems surrounding it however made anything we could have gotten out of it completely pointless and useless though. Also like I said, Jarrett would pin him the next night anyway. This was a solid match and the moment was cool, but the levels of idiocy it took to get here absolutely astound me.

Overall Rating: D-. Now there are two ways to look at this show and all subsequent shows. For one, this show was a total trainwreck with maybe two good matches out of about 9 and both were more or less overbooked. The idiocy is running rampant here, but at the same time this wasn’t completely terrible. It was mostly terrible and anything close to order here is strictly an accident mind you. WCW’s level of ineptitude would somehow be topped next month which we’ll get to later.

And then there’s another school of thought. The other idea is to look at this like a screwball comedy show and accept that WCW was completely and utterly dead at this point and was just waiting on someone to notice the smell of their rotting corpse. If you go on that route, the show goes WAY up in value as the comedy of it is pretty solid.

After the disaster that was Nitro the next night, everything was ripped apart backstage as the entire company was overhauled by the Time-Warner merger that threw it off the air. Anyway though, this is either a great show or absolutely horrible depending on how you look at it, so figure that out for yourselves.