Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2006: The Eddie Guerrero Show
Royal Rumble 2006 Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,178
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz
Eddie Guerrero. If you honestly believe this show is about anyone but him, you’re completely wrong and missing the point. Tonight’s show is about milking as much as we possibly can out of Eddie’s dead body, because the entirety of the Smackdown main event scene until Wrestlemania (and even glimpses of it for years to come) would be about Rey Mysterio fighting for Eddie’s memory against people like Orton. I never have been comfortable with this but it is what it is. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is about Mark Henry vs. Kurt Angle. The Rumble and Edge vs. Cena gets a little time as well.
Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London
Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.
Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.
Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.
Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.
Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.
Teddy gushes to Vince about how excited he is over the Rumble. Vince is happy because he has Torrie, Victoria and Candace Michelle doing the drawing. They were a heel Divas stable at the time which didn’t work at all. HHH and Orton come in to draw and only the latter seems pleased with his number. Amazingly enough, these guys got the EXACT SAME NUMBERS that Guerrero and Flair got when they came in to draw last year.
Trish is looking GREAT in a referee outfit when Mickie, currently the psycho lesbian, comes up and says she loves Trish. Ok then.
Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro
Trish is referee and I didn’t realize she was in some barely there shorts. I miss Mickie wearing those skirts that often flew up above her waist. The problem with Ashley was simple: she wasn’t that good. Mickie cranks on the arm but Ashley counters into a wristlock of her own. Massaro armdrags Mickie down and it’s clearly Mickie flipping while Ashley moves her arm.
James heads to the floor to get a breather but Ashley hits a clothesline off the apron to take her down. Back in and Mickie snaps, basically turning heel mid-match. Mickie hooks a standing half crab to fill in some time as it’s clear Ashley has nothing to do here. We head to the floor where Mickie rams Ashley’s ribs into the post. Back in and Mickie hooks a bow and arrow hold to work on the back even more.
Ashley catches an incoming kick from Mickie and starts her “offense” but can barely hook a crucifix. The only good thing about it was Mickie’s skirt flying up but the rollup only gets two. Massaro shoves Ashley into the corner and the fans are openly booing now. She’s just absolutely horrible and thankfully Mickie kind of powerbombs her out of the corner for the sloppy pin.
Rating: D. Again, anything with Trish looking that hot involved can’t be considered a failure whatsoever. She was likely there because it was clear that the match was going to be horrible and the fans had to have something to be distracted by. Thankfully Trish and Mickie would get to have their excellent Mania match instead of another Ashley mess. Terrible stuff but hot women in tiny outfits make up for it.
Big Show draws his number. Rey comes in to talk about Eddie a bit. Apparently Eddie is joking with Rey by giving him this number.
John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Boogeyman
This is part of an ongoing feud, which involved Boogeyman eating a growth off of Jillian Hall’s face. Do yourself a favor and don’t ask. Oh and I forgot to mention the set. It’s themed like a coliseum with guards opening up the doors for the wrestlers to come in. They did that at some of the old King of the Rings and I still like it.
John hides behind Jillian for awhile and then bails to the floor, leaving the blonde chick to get stalked. Boogeyman puts worms in his mouth and spits them into Jillian’s mouth. Boogey gets sent to the floor and into the steps before JBL chokes away a bit more. The Clothesline misses and a pumphandle powerslam ends JBL in less than two minutes. I have no idea what the point of this was.
Mama Benjamin comes in and hits on Vince. Thankfully Shelton comes in to save Vince from a future paternity suit. Melina comes in to hit on Shelton but Mama takes him away quickly. Mama Benjamin was one of those ideas that didn’t make a ton of sense and didn’t accomplish anything but it certainly exists. MNM draws their numbers as well. Vince and hits girls sit on the couch to watch the Rumble.
Video on the Rumble, which says everyone thinks they’ll win. Vince is vindictive against Shawn around this time too. Apparently there will be some returns tonight as well.
Before the Rumble starts, the Spirit Squad comes out to give us a chant.
Royal Rumble
HHH is #1 and Mysterio is #2, naturally coming out in a lowrider and an Eddie shirt. HHH tries to power him down to start but Rey comes back with kicks to the knee. Rey hits a headscissors to take HHH down and into the corner but HHH lifts him to the apron. Rey comes back with a springboard dropkick to the back but HHH ducks the 619. Simon Dean is #3 and goes after Rey to a bunch of boos. Dean sends him to the apron and wants a high five from HHH but gets punched in the face and hit by a seated senton. The elimination is academic.
Rey takes HHH down and hits a Bronco Buster as Psychosis is #4. He immediately goes after Rey before kicking HHH down. Psychosis busts out a freaky move where he hooks a Rock Bottom grip on Rey but lifts him into the air and slams Rey face down. Rey gets put in a Razor’s Edge position but ranas Psychosis out for the elimination. Ric Flair is #5 and goes right for HHH. They slug it out with Flair taking over but ducking his head into the facebuster. Ric comes back with a crotch grab but HHH rakes the eyes and backdrops Flair out.
Big Show, who hates HHH at the moment, is #6. They were feuding at this time, I believe over HHH injuring Big Show’s hand with the hammer. Show chops him in the corner and HHH falls forward onto Show’s chest. A headbutt keeps Rey down and there’s a side slam to HHH. Like an idiot, Big Show picks up HHH and slams him to the mat instead of to the floor. Coach is #7 and makes it about thirty seconds before Show puts him out.
Show does that stupid slam thing to HHH AGAIN. I’m sure that won’t come back to haunt him or anything. The chokeslam takes HHH down again and here’s Lashley at #8. He and Show slug it out with Show getting backdropped to the mat. Kane, Big Show’s tag champion partner at this point, is #9. He and Lashley stare it down and Kane kicks Lashley’s head off.
Lashley immediately comes back with an overhead belly to belly and a third press slam to HHH. Kane takes a Dominator and Sylvan, the “Smackdown fashion consultant” is #10 and lasts about 18 seconds before Lashley throws him out. Unfortunately he turns around and gets caught in a double chokeslam followed by the elimination. The partners quickly turn on each other with Kane getting a boot up to stop a charging Show. They fight to the ropes and HHH runs up to throw them both out, emulating the same thing Shawn did in 1996 with Vader and Yokozuna.
Carlito is #11 and goes for Mysterio as is the theme tonight. There’s a Backstabber to put Rey down in the corner, where he’s been for a lot of the match tonight. Carlito punches HHH down and here’s Benoit at #12. Everyone gets a German and Carlito taps to a Crossface which means nothing here. HHH breaks it up for no apparent reason and whips Benoit hard into the corner.
The Game puts Benoit on the apron and they fight over a suplex with Benoit winding up on the top rope. Benoit headbutts HHH down and hits the Swan Dive before Booker T is #13. He’s US Champion here and in tights, which suggests an injury to me. Oh yeah he’s barely moving out there and just letting Benoit chop him. Benoit dumps him in about 20 seconds so yeah Booker must have been hurt.
Benoit chops on HHH until Joey Mercury is #14. Mercury fires off dropkicks but gets caught in Rolling Germans. Carlito jumps Benoit to break it up and Mercury pounds on Benoit a bit. Freaking Tatanka is #15, giving us a group of Mysterio, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury and Tatanka. Seriously why did the bring TATANKA back? He fires off chops as the fans do the Seminole chant.
Johnny Nitro is #16 to give us the Smackdown tag champions in the ring at the same time. HHH is upside down as Tatanka chops Nitro down. Nitro is John Morrison if you don’t remember him. Mysterio is finally back to his feet after being down for about half the time he’s been in the match. Trevor Murdoch is #17 and chops away on Tatanka as the match calms down again. Eugene is #18 and immediately Hulks Up, hooking an airplane spin on Murdoch. Mysterio hits a double bulldog to take both guys down to remind us that he’s still there.
Road Warrior Animal is #18 and immediately takes MNM’s heads off with a double clothesline. A powerslam puts Nitro down and we hit another lull. RVD is #20 and is back for the first time in nearly a year. Animal and Benoit have a staredown until Benoit gets kicked in the face. RVD kicks MNM down and backdrops Animal out to finally clear some room out in the ring.
Orlando Jordan is #21 and no one cares. Van Dam hits a kick to Carlito’s face off the top and Chavo Guerrero is #22. Nitro takes Three Amigos but Chavo goes up and is immediately knocked out by HHH. Matt Hardy is #23 and hits the Twist of Fate on Jordan. RVD and Rey combine to get HHH to the apron but they can’t get him out. MNM put out Tatanka and there are way too many people in this match with three letter initials. Super Crazy is #24 and literally flips to the ring.
At the moment we’ve got HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch, Eugene, RVD, Jordan, Hardy, Crazy and now Shawn Michaels at #25. Why are there THIRTEEN PEOPLE in the ring at once? Everyone swarms Shawn but he punches them all off until Murdoch gets in some shots on him in the corner. There goes Trevor and Carlito knocks Shawn to the apron but not out.
Chris Masters is #26 and Hardy sends HHH to the apron. Viscera is #27 in his World’s Largest Love Machine period. He sits on Matt and does his anal rape thing as Mercury saves himself from being eliminated. Matt gets some boots up in the corner but is thrown out pretty quickly thereafter. Shelton is #28 and Benoit eliminates Eugene. Goldust returns at #29 and chops a bunch of people to no reaction.
Orton is FINALLY #30, giving us a final group of HHH, Mysterio, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Crazy, HBK, Masters, Viscera, Benjamin, Goldust and Orton, or HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE MATCH. To give you an idea of how lame the star power is other than like three people in this, the final five were Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Other than Randy that’s like a medium budget indy show, not the last five entrants to the Royal Rumble.
Randy almost immediately puts out Benoit. Seriously? You can’t put out Masters or Jordan? It just HAD TO BE Benoit??? An RKO takes down Viscera so Masters and Carlito can throw him out. Carlito immediately turns on his partner and dumps Masters. Goldie loads up Shattered Dreams on Carlito and gets in a good kick, only to be eliminated by RVD. Orton puts out Jordan and Shawn and HHH finally go at it. MNM double teams Shawn but gets eliminated for their efforts.
Shawn has to skin the cat to stay in and turns into a kick to the head from Shelton. Michaels is cool with that and sends Shelton to the apron followed by a superkick to eliminate him. This brings out Vince who hates Shawn and the distraction lets Shane run in and dump HBK. Shawn is ticked and runs back in and superkicks HHH after escaping a Pedigree attempt. He goes after Vince but a single referee stops him. Ok then.
We’re down to Carlito, Van Dam, HHH, Mysterio and Orton. Van Dam kicks Carlito out and we’re down to four. Van Dam kicks Orton in the head and teams up with Mysterio to beat on the Evolution guys. Rob goes up top but HHH crotches him and sends Rey into the corner to knock Van Dam out, getting us down to three. Evolution teams up on Rey but he knocks them both into the ropes for a double 619. Orton takes the seated senton but HHH clotheslines Rey down.
Orton powerslams HHH down but the RKO is countered into a spinebuster. HHH goes after Rey and gets flipped out to get us down to two. Cole’s voice is almost gone. HHH, ever the nice guy, pulls Rey to the floor and sends him into the steps. Mysterio is basically dead so Orton takes his sweet time. That’s his downfall though, as Rey counters the elimination attempt into a rana and sends Orton out for the win. Naturally he had to be #2 which the WWE considers less than #1 for absolutely no apparent reason, but that’s HHH for you.
Rating: C-. This isn’t a bad match, but man alive is it boring. There are three major problems in this match. First of all, there were WAY too many people in the ring at most given times. Like I said, once Orton got in there we had fifteen people in the ring at once. That’s double what the number should be around and it clutters things up way too much with that many people in there.
Second, as I touched on near the end, the talent pool was pretty shallow here. I mean, MNM aren’t bad but they don’t need to be in the final grouping of the Rumble. Guys like Masters and Carlito should have been eliminated earlier but just stuck in there. That gets old fast and it was begging for someone like Shawn to come in there and eliminate like five guys at once.
Finally, since there were so many people in there at once, it was hard to focus on any single story. You had stuff like HHH trying to go wire to wire but that got lost in the shuffle. Rey was on the mat for long stretches of time so he wasn’t really noticed either. Shawn’s issues with Vince only popped up for the elimination and were only touched on. When you can’t focus on one thing, you can’t focus on anything and that makes for a dull match. One good thing was that Rey wasn’t a guaranteed winner, so there was some drama. It’s not a bad Rumble but it was badly run.
Mickie comes in to hit on Trish as she does an interview on WWE.com.
Rey celebrates when Edge comes in and says don’t even think of challenging him at Mania.
We recap Edge vs. Cena. Edge won MITB back at Mania and waited nine months before cashing in on Cena after Cena survived the Elimination Chamber. Tonight is the rematch three weeks later.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge
Cena walks across a catwalk that lowered from the ceiling and hops in over the top. You know, in case it’s wasn’t clear enough that Edge had no chance here. Cena clotheslines him down to start but has to chase Edge back inside, allowing the champion to send Cena into the buckle. We head to the floor again with Cena having to avoid Lita and getting sent into the steps as a result. A baseball slide sends Cena over the barricade and the match stops again.
Edge tries for a countout but Cena DIVES back in at nine. Back in and Cena pounds away but charges into a spinwheel kick for two from the Canadian. Edge punches Cena to the floor again but goes after him instead of going for the countout again. Cena gets sent into the steps and back inside a missile dropkick gets two for the champion. Edge loads up a superplex but gets shoved off, only to avoid a guillotine legdrop from Cena.
Cena grabs a quick FU attempt but Edge counters into a rollup for two. A big boot puts Cena down but he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Edge tries a rear naked choke of all things which Cena eventually breaks up. The spear misses and there’s a DDT to put both guys down. It’s Cena up first to start his finishing sequence but Lita distracts the referee. Edge misses a charge and is sent into Lita, setting up Cena for the FU and STFU to get the title back.
Rating: D+. This was a world title match at the Royal Rumble? Why? Edge never felt like he had Cena in trouble and the match wasn’t anything that you would remember five minutes after it ended. Lita’s cleavage was awesome but when that’s the best thing about a match….well you shouldn’t be surprised because it often was in Edge’s matches, but still, pretty lame match here that made Edge look like a footnote. Obviously that would change, but not a good start for him here.
Edge freaks out on Todd Grisham in the back. Edge storms off and Lita panics a bit. We get a random Hacksaw Jim Duggan cameo (does anyone do those better?) to call her a HO!
We recap Angle vs. Henry. Batista had been scheduled to face henry but tore his triceps and had to vacate the title. Angle won the title in a battle royal and gets to defend here. The idea is that Henry is way too strong for Angle. Seriously, that’s the story. Why this main evented the show isn’t quite clear.
Angle is all I’M THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD and no one can beat me. He leaves but comes back to tell Mark Henry that he SUCKS. This version of Angle was AWESOME, as he would just go out there and go beast mode on everyone and make them look like fools trying to keep up with him. Also he was perfect for a quick title reign like this as no one would question him popping up out of nowhere and taking the title. Those kind of people are hard to find but Kurt was one of them.
Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry
Angle gets overpowered to start. That’s about all there is to say for the first two minutes or so, as Kurt keeps getting shoved around and then taken to the floor. Henry whips him into the steps and then stands on Angle’s chest back inside. We hit a bearhug for a bit until Angle hiptosses out of it. He tries a cross body like an imbecile but rolls out of the World’s Strongest Slam. The ankle lock and Angle Slam are no good so Henry clubs him down again.
Instead Angle hits a German (kind of) to put both guys down. The Angle Slam gets two (duh) and the ankle lock is broken up again. The counter causes the referee to get bumped so Angle gets a chair. A low blow and two chair shots take Henry down for two, so Angle takes a buckle off. Kurt drop toeholds him into the buckle and rolls Henry up to retain. Our hero everyone.
Rating: D. Seriously, why was this……
And a gong strikes. That’s why.
As for the match, it sucked pretty terribly. Why would we buy Henry as a potential champion here after him showing no proof of being at that level? The match wasn’t even ten minutes long, making it feel much more like a TV match than a PPV title match. I know they wanted to do the big ending with Taker, but there had to be a better way to do it.
Taker comes out in a freaking horse drawn chariot and motions that he wants the title. Then he shoots lightning from his hands at the stuff over the ring, before slamming his arms down to send lightning at the posts. The ring collapses to end the show. Yeah that happened.
Overall Rating: D. I watched this show over the course of two days, and honestly the only thing that came to my mind other than the last ten minutes of it was how Trish looked in that referee outfit. That’s how completely forgettable this show is. Nothing came out of this show as Cena was champion all over again, making the last three weeks feel like nothing. Nothing to see here and definitely not worth seeing.
Ratings Comparison
Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London
Monday Night Raw – March 17, 2003: We Must Defend HHH’s Legacy!!!
Monday Night Raw Date: March 17, 2003
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
With two shows to go before Wrestlemania, it’s really hard to care about what’s going on right now. Is it really any wonder why Smackdown was beating them at this point? Rock is trying as hard as he can on these shows but my goodness he needs ANYTHING else to help him carry things. Maybe that can be Shawn vs. Jericho but it would help if they actually did something. Let’s get to it.
We open, again, with Bischoff, who says that his match with Austin will be a handicap match. He makes it even bigger by saying the Raw superstars will be the lumberjacks. Thanks for clarifying that as I was thinking it might be, like, the 1984 Atlanta Hawks or the cast of Tremors: The Series.
Chief Morley/Lance Storm vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane
Morley threatens the Dudleys with SEVERE consequences if they interfere here. The fans chant USA which tells me one of two things: they want Van Dam to win this on his own or they have no idea that Kane is from Spain. The monster slugs Morley down in the corner and drops him with a clothesline before tagging Van Dam in for the first time. Something like Rolling Thunder gets two on Morley but he drops Van Dam on the top rope to take over.
Rob’s attempts at speeding things up again are broken up by Lance grabbing his leg (clearly still mad at Rob’s post match promo at Barely Legal), allowing the Chief to get two off a good DDT. Morley shows some intelligence by going after the legs but Rob gets two off a rollup and brings Kane back in. Storm gets a tag as well and Kane beats him up as a greeting. The top rope clothesline plants Storm but Morley makes the save, only to get kicked in the face by Van Dam. Everything breaks down and Kane chokeslams Storm for the pin.
Rating: C. I’m so glad Vitamin C beat Kane and Van Dam last week. It makes so much more sense after this match you see. Kane and Van Dam are one of the hottest acts on the show and thankfully they’re getting a nice push as a result. I mean, I can’t picture them taking the titles off of whatever combination of Morley/Storm/Regal winds up with the belts but they’re hot at the moment and make for a good opening match.
Morley rolls away from a post match Five Star but the Dudleys come out…..and put Kane through a table. Well of course they do.
Post break the Dudleys say they hate what they just had to do but need to feed their families. Simple story but at least it makes sense and was an actual explanation for a change.
Here are HHH and Flair with something to say. The champ doesn’t like the idea of Booker thinking that he deserves a title shot so get out here right now and take this beating like a man. Instead he gets Goldust, which isn’t exactly what he had in mind. JR screams that he’s back despite being on the show last week. Goldust says that HHH’s performance may have been Oscar worthy, but deep down (“down there”) in the cock cock cockles of his heart, he must know that you can’t judge a book by its cornbread. This still isn’t funny if that wasn’t clear.
HHH and Flair crack up and HHH imitates the catchphrases with the stutter, so Goldust lays both guys out. That lasts as long as you would expect it to but Booker T. comes out to save us from the stupid angle and Goldust from a Pedigree. They do realize the WORLD TITLE match is in 13 days right? And this is the best they can do? Goldust saying unfunny lines after being electrocuted is supposed to set up a World Title match at the biggest show of the year? I’m starting to understand why this show is so hated.
HHH wants Goldust later tonight.
Rico vs. Maven
You can literally see them going to the concession stands as the bell rings. They trade headlocks to start and Maven shifts over into an armbar. Can you blame the sudden nacho runs? Oh wait let’s cut to Rock arriving, which is probably more interesting than what we’ve got going on here. Rico scores with some kicks, aided by a cheap shot from Jamal and Rosey. Maven comes back with kicks and a neckbreaker, followed by a bulldog for two. More 3MW interference sets up a neckbreaker but Maven counters into a backslide for the pin.
Rating: D-. Oh just…..yeah. This is another good example of having no idea what else to do with your two hours so they just throw two guys out there to kill the crowd. Maybe it would help if you had some stories to tell instead of HHH crushing everyone in sight and Rock having to do whatever he can to drag a bored Austin to one last match. Or maybe you could have a midcard title instead of having HHH be CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING.
Shawn and Austin had a discussion about Shawn being a lumberjack. This is news, despite Bischoff saying the entire roster would be at ringside. Austin, as expected, really doesn’t care.
Teddy Long tells Rock that Rodney Mack will take care of Hurricane next. Rodney Mack says the same thing, marking the biggest moment of his career: that time he was on camera with the Rock.
Hurricane vs. Rodney Mack
Mack gets rolled up for an early two and Hurricane elbows him in the jaw for good measure, only to have Teddy Long grab his foot to break it up. Rodney drops some elbows for two but Hurricane hits his usual, including the Shining Wizard. The high cross body and Blockbuster look to set up the chokeslam but Rock runs in for the DQ. This is where the booking goes out the window as there was no reason for Hurricane to not get a pin here. The DQ was just a waste, but at least Hurricane didn’t get pinned.
Rock beats him down post match with stomps and a chair. The idea is supposed to be that Rock is losing his cool over Austin, which they’re somehow doing without having Austin show up that often.
Jazz/Trish Stratus vs. Victoria/Steven Richards
Trish vs. Victoria vs. Jazz is set for Wrestlemania. Maybe this match can go on longer than 20 seconds. Before the match we get a creepy video of Victoria sounding like she wants to sleep with the title. Jazz and Victoria slap it out to start with the former getting the better of it but Victoria gets two off a powerslam. That’s fine with Jazz who gets the same result off the same move, but shockingly enough, NO ONE CARES ABOUT JAZZ. Off to Trish to wake the fans up a bit, including due to a Chick Kick for two.
A victory roll is quickly countered with a faceplant as Lawler says he’d always hook Trish’s leg. Steven tries to get involved and gets Victoria’s head shoved into his crotch. The Stratusphere takes Steven down but Victoria throws her around by the hair. Lawler freaks out over a shot of Trish’s chest but she avoids a slingshot legdrop. Richards crotches himself in the corner and Jazz short arms Trish on a tag attempt. A Sky High from Richards sets up the Widow’s Peak to give Victoria the pin.
Rating: D+. Was there really no one else they could put in this story other than Jazz? The fans like Victoria and Trish but my goodness they just died once Jazz came in. Oh and then she walked out on the match and fans still didn’t care. There are some wrestlers that fans just can’t get behind no matter what and Jazz is one of them.
Jeff Hardy runs out to save Trish and gets a kiss for his efforts.
Video on Shawn’s career at Wrestlemania, which is the biggest night of the year for him. This was around the time where he started being considered Mr. Wrestlemania.
Chris Jericho says he wanted to be Shawn Michaels but now he wants to end him.
Stacy tells Test that she’s found him a perfect tag partner and leaves. Test has Torrie Wilson’s Playboy and has to hide it from her. To recap, Test is dating Stacy Keibler and we’re supposed to feel sorry for him.
Test/Scott Steiner vs. Christian/Chris Jericho
Oh man it’s the start of THIS story. Test charges the ring to start and elbows Jericho in the face. Steiner gets in some shots on the floor but it’s quickly off to Christian, who eats a shoulder as well. We get the tag to Steiner, who somehow was in the World Title scene just a few weeks ago. The flexing elbow into push-ups gets two and it’s back to Test. Keeping Steiner out of the ring most of the time is a good thing for this match.
Jericho gets in a cheap shot from the apron, allowing Christian to hit a spinwheel kick on Test. That advantage goes nowhere as it’s already back to Steiner for Rick Steiner’s powerslam/backdrop on Christian. Scared to death of the idea of having to deal with Scott Steiner, Christian grabs the referee and kicks Scott low before bringing Chris back in. That earns the king of the world a belly to belly (that’s one) and another tag brings in Test.
Jericho quickly escapes a powerbomb and everything breaks down. The evil Canadians are sent into each other and Test’s pumphandle slam plants Jericho but Christian makes the save. Belly to belly #2 sends Jericho flying but this time the powerbomb connects with Christian breaking up another save. Christian goes after Stacy and Steiner makes the save, only to have Test get distracted, allowing Jericho to grab a rollup for the pin.
Rating: D+. The match wasn’t horrible but why is Jericho feuding with Test instead of Shawn Michaels, as in the guy he’s fighting at WRESTLEMANIA in two weeks? This was nothing special or even good for the most part with the majority of the match being spent on wasting time until we finally got to the point. As mentioned, Steiner has fallen a long way in just a few weeks and it’s not likely to get better anytime soon.
HHH vs. Goldust
Non-title of course. Booker and Flair are the seconds as WWE suddenly remembers that HHH and Booker are fighting soon. Feeling out process to start until Goldust hits him in the face for the first shot. More right hands from Goldust set up a right hand from HHH to take over as it’s pretty clear they’re not in the mood to try here. HHH sends the injured (from the electrocution) arm into the post a few times and we hit the armbar. Goldust starts fighting back but that’s too threatening to HHH’s legacy as a main event star so he plants Goldust with the spinebuster.
Something like a Boss Man Slam puts HHH down and Goldust gets two off a clothesline. Again HHH feels the power of insecurity and sends Goldust outside where Booker beats up Flair. The injured Randy Orton gets in a crutch shot from the crowd to knock Booker silly but Goldust hits the bulldog on HHH. The arm gives out before he can try Shattered Dreams and it’s jumping knee into the Pedigree to give HHH the soul redeeming pin.
Rating: D. I don’t know about you, but I feel so much better now that HHH has overcome career midcarder Goldust and his neurological issues. It was getting pretty dicey there and you could see HHH’s entire Hall of Fame career melting away every second he was down from a clothesline. I mean……HE WAS HAVING TO SELL SOMETHING! Oh and get used to seeing Booker down and out like that, because you know that’s what’s coming at Wrestlemania.
Bischoff is warming up when Rock comes in with his guitar to sing about beating up Hurricane. Rock is thinking about having a Rock Concert right here in St. Louis but there are too many ugly women in this town. Next week in Sacramento sounds a bit better. What doesn’t sound better is having a lumberjack match, because all those guys around the ring make Bischoff look bad.
Instead, make it No DQ and Rock will be there to have Bischoff’s back. So why set up the lumberjack match in the first place??? Just set up the No DQ and go with that. It’s like changing Smackdown matches today: just get it right in the first place and you won’t have to keep pulling these bait and switches.
Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff
No DQ and Morley is with Bischoff. Eric wisely runs away to start so Austin beats up Morley as a warm-up. A right hand puts Bischoff down and the mudhole is stomped. He puts Eric in a Boston crab of all things but Morley offers a distraction for the break. That’s not enough for the Chief as he comes in for a low blow but Austin easily beats them both up. Cue Rock for a Stunner on Austin but Bischoff can only get two. Rock comes back in to stomp on Austin but misses the Elbow. A clothesline sends Rock to the floor and Morley and Bischoff both get Stunners for the pin.
Rating: F. Yeah whatever. What else do you want me to say here? The only note: this was Austin’s last match on Raw to date and likely ever. That’s how Austin, the greatest superstar of this era, goes out: beating up Bischoff and Val Venis in a nothing match to set up a match at Wrestlemania. It kind of makes you think that you never know when you’ll never see these guys in the ring again.
Austin gets a Rock Bottom and Rock sips at a beer to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. How in the world was this leading up to one of the best Wrestlemanias of all time? These shows lately have been horrible and it’s like they have no idea what they’re doing going forward. Shawn vs. Jericho is barely getting any build other than the superkick last week and HHH is squashing everyone he can find while Booker is lucky to win a tag match. Nothing to see on this show and it’s becoming very clear why this show is so loathed among fans.
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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2002: Eliminating My Sanity
Survivor Series 2002 Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
Well we’re into the brand split era now and last month on Smackdown’s PPV, we had a Cell match between Taker and Lesnar. Bischoff’s response: the Elimination Chamber. This is one of those shows that ticks me off to no end because of how the booking goes. Other than that, we’ve got a stupid booking decision on Smackdown as well which I don’t think I complained about enough the first time. Let’s get to it.
The theme song is Always by Saliva which is a personal favorite.
Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico
This is an elimination tables match. Oh and that’s Bubba and Spike, not D-Von. Spike and Bubba got put through the same table on Raw Monday to set this up. The Dudleys and Jeff clear the ring to start and Spike is thrown into the arms of the Samoans. It’s Bubba vs. Rico in the ring at the moment, because putting Spike and Jeff against Umaga and Rosey is a great idea right? Bubba chops Rico HARD in the corner before things settle down.
What’s Up hits Jamal and we get to the tagging section of the match before everything breaks down again. Bubba tells Jeff to get the tables but Rosey runs over Bubba after Bubba sets up a table in the corner. A BIG backdrop puts Jeff on the floor and Rosey rams Spike’s head into a table. Rosey misses a charge and drives himself through a table in the corner but that doesn’t count because it wasn’t someone else putting him through.
Jeff tries a top rope dive at Rosey but literally bounces off. Rico brings in another table and gets caught in a Dudley Dog, but 3 Minute Warning catches him in a double powerbomb to put Spike through the table instead. Jeff and Bubba get slammed down but Bubba knocks Rosey off the top and Jeff sends Rico flying into a cameraman. Bubba pounds away but Rico hits a spinwheel kick to take his head off. Rico could go in the ring make no mistake.
Rosey and Jeff go out into the crowd and there’s a table out there with them. Jeff is put on said table as Bubba gets kicked in the face by Rico. Jamal misses a splash and crushes Rico, allowing Bubba to Bubba Bomb Jamal and go to save Jeff. With Bubba’s help, Jeff goes up to the top of an entrance and hits a BIG Swanton through Rosey through the table to make it 2-2.
Back in the ring Jamal has Bubba on a table ready for a Rico moonsault, but he looks hesitant to launch. He looks over his shoulder, shouts “C’MON JEFF!” before staggering. THEN Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico crotches himself. Not the best response but that’s on Jeff more than Rico. Bubba tries a belly to back superplex through the table but Jamal moves it away. Jeff hits Whisper in the Wind to Jamal and follows it with a dropkick.
Hardy goes to the floor to get another table which he throws at Jamal. Jeff tries to run the railing but Jamal throws the table at Jeff, who goes flying through it. That doesn’t count which I can kind of agree with. Jamal puts Jeff on another table and hits a HUGE splash off the top to eliminate Jeff. That looks awesome. Bubba beats on Rico in the ring but Jamal saves his sideburned buddy. Jamal goes up to try a top rope rana (I guess) on Bubba, only to get caught in a HUGE powerbomb through the table to get us down to one on one.
It’s Rico vs. Bubba with the former pounding away and pulling in another table. Rosey comes back in but Bubba pounds away on him too. Now Jamal is in there too and it’s D-VON to the rescue! He’s on Smackdown at this point so this is a big deal. 3D puts Rico through the table to end this.
Rating: B-. That’s likely high but this was what you want to open a show. It helps a lot that this was a fifteen minute match instead of like six minutes like they are on Raw. This was fun and the pop for the reunion of the Dudleys (which would be permanent) was a feel good moment. Good stuff here and a good choice to open things up, especially in New York City.
Stacy is at the World (WWF New York) looking great. She introduces Saliva who is doing a miniconcert at the club. They perform Always here to eat up a few minutes and we get a video about the remaining matches.
RVD is stretching before the Chamber.
Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman
Jamie is defending and has Nidia with him. Kidman grabs two very fast rollups for two and make that four in the first 30 seconds. Jamie bails to the floor but Kidman throws him right back in. Noble comes back with a neckbreaker and it’s off to a bow and arrow. Kidman gets thrown to the floor and Noble hits a suicide dive. Tazz: “I think Noble has something up his sleeve, but he’s not wearing a shirt so he has no sleeve.”
Back in and Kidman speeds things up with a back elbow and a dropkick followed by an AA into a backbreaker for two. A Falcon’s Arrow gets two for Noble so Kidman hits Tessmacher’s Tesshocker (belly to back suplex position but he slams Noble down face first instead). Kidman loads up the Shooting Star but Noble bails to the floor. That’s fine with Billy so he dives on Noble out there to take the champ down again.
Back in and Nidia distracts Kidman but gets knocked off the apron by Kidman. The BK Bomb (Low Down) gets two for Kidman as does a Tiger Bomb for Noble. They go up top and Kidman hits a sitout inverted DDT. That was pretty awesome looking but it only gets two. Noble hits Orton’s Elevated DDT for two out of the corner so Kidman hits an enziguri to take over again. Billy loads up the Shooting Star but a Nidia distraction….only delays Kidman as he hits the Shooting Star for the pin and the title.
Rating: B-. These two got going good and strong at the end which is exactly what you want from a match like this. When you can get into the area of a match where it’s one big move after another and you’re just waiting on one of them to stay down, that’s a great sign. The Shooting Star looked great too. This wasn’t a masterpiece or anything but it was solid.
Angle and Benoit are in the back and Angle is incensed that Kidman could win a title. If he can win, then so can they, as long as Benoit stays out of the captain’s way. Benoit gets in his face but Angle says they should be friends to the end. Benoit offers a handshake but Angle says no way. Angle: “I don’t shake hands! Tag team partners hug!” So HELL NO is ripping off Benoit and Angle?
Victoria, still psycho here, is looking in a mirror. Then she thinks it’s Trish and goes nuts.
We recap Trish vs. Victoria, which is a hardcore match. Victoria is batty and claims that it’s because she and Trish used to work together as fitness models, but Trish slept her way to the top. Tonight it’s about revenge. Why can’t stories today have simple backstories like that? I mean, it’s not that hard to LIE.
Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus
Hardcore rules here and Trish is defending. This is their second PPV match after Trish won last month. Victoria immediately chokes her with Trish’s coat before getting a broom out of one of the trashcans on each post. Trish jumps the broom (lucky guy) but Victoria takes her down almost immediately. Victoria chokes her with the broom in the corner but gets flipped to the mat.
Now Trish finds a trashcan lid but Victoria knocks the lid into her head with the broom. We head to the floor and Trish gets whipped HARD into the trashcan. Back in and Victoria hits her slingshot legdrop for two. The challenger puts a trashcan in between the top and middle rope but Trish grabs her legs and slingshots Victoria’s head into the can. Trish sets up an ironing board in the corner and whips Victoria into it for two.
It’s kendo stick time with Victoria taking a beating. She gets a boot up in the corner though and BLASTS Trish with a trashcan lid. Victoria has a bloody nose and sits on the middle rope, allowing Trish to try a rana out of the corner. Victoria counters into a kind of Boston Crab position, but Trish does a big situp and hits Victoria in the head with a can lid.
That only stuns her though so Trish BLASTS her in the head with a trashcan lid again to knock Vicotira off the ropes and out to the floor. Victoria gets a mirror from under the ring but Trish superkicks her down. Chick Kick (Punk’s high kick) gets two for Trish as does a bulldog. Victoria rolls to the floor and pulls out a fire extinguisher to blast Trish with. That and a suplex gets the pin and the title for the nutjob.
Rating: B. This was AWESOME with both chicks beating the tar out of each other. The story of the match worked really well too with Trish trying to wrestle her way out of trouble against a monster that wanted to hurt her no matter what. This worked really well and is one of the most intense Divas matches you’ll ever see.
Booker is getting ready.
Bischoff brags about the Chamber for a bit. Show comes up and says he’ll show Eric why trading him to Smackdown was a bad idea.
Heyman is worried that Brock can’t beat Big Show. Lesnar has (legit, due to Show hurting him at a house show) bad ribs.
We recap Show vs. Lesnar. Lesnar beat Taker in the Cell last month, so Show beat up Taker to make himself the next challenger. Even Heyman says Brock can’t beat him.
Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar
Lesnar is defending here and is mostly a face now. It’s on in a hurry as the fans are behind Lesnar. Show gets in a shot to the ribs in the corner and launches Brock across the ring. Brock is all like BRING IT ON and grabs a double leg to take Show down. They head to the floor and Brock gets rammed into the post. Back in and Brock pounds away before hitting something like a belly to back suplex. Show misses a charge and Brock “hits” a German, which means Show lands on Brock’s head. Brock tries an F5 but Show knees him in the ribs.
The referee gets bumped and Brock THROWS Big Show down with an overhead belly to belly. Heyman throws in a chair and Brock cracks Show over the head with it. There’s the F5 and a new referee but Heyman pulls the referee out of the ring. This makes no sense and I’ll get to why in a second. Lesnar figures out what’s going on and gives chase, but charges right into a pair of chair shots to the ribs. Show chokeslams Brock onto the chair for the pin and the title. That’s Brock’s first ever loss.
Rating: D+. Most of that is for Lesnar’s INSANE power. Here’s why this match ticks me off: Lesnar had to get the title taken off of him because of injury. That’s fine. So they pick BIG SHOW to take it from him? This is the same idea as Nash beating Goldberg: you have an unstoppable monster and you take the title off of him for the sake of this old dude? You have Angle, Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Edge on the Smackdown roster and you pick BIG SHOW? Now to be fair Angle got the title in a month, but why not just cut out the middle man and make a new star?
As for why Heyman’s turn makes no sense, the whole idea of the match was that Heyman didn’t think Lesnar could suplex, F5 or beat Big Show. He did the first two things and had Show beat until Heyman turned. Heyman is a lot of things, but he’s always been someone that knows what kind of a monster he’s got and sticks with them to the end. This is out of character for him, especially when an injured Brock had proven he could beat Show. So on top of being a bad match with bad booking, it makes no sense. Nice job WWE.
Show and Heyman immediately bail.
We recap the triple threat tag title match. Benoit and Angle beat Rey and Edge in the match of the year at No Mercy in a tournament final. The new champions argued over who is team captain and have to work together or they’re suspended. Edge and Mysterio won the titles on Smackdown in 2/3 falls match. Stephanie threw in Los Guerreros because these six are the Smackdown Six and you can’t have just four of them together, even though we’ve had that for months. Not that I’m complaining though, because this is going to be AWESOME.
Smackdown Tag Titles: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros
Edge and Mysterio are champions and this is under elimination rules. It’s Mysterio vs. Benoit to start which is fine with me. Benoit hits a HARD chop but gets caught in a rana and a flapjack to give Rey what will likely be a short lived advantage. Off to Edge for a double hiptoss before Kurt gets the tag and a big pop. Chavo punches Angle in the back of the head and that’s a tag apparently.
Chavo gets shouldered down but nips up immediately. Off to Mysterio vs. Eddie which is one of those pairings that works no matter what. A headscissors takes Eddie down and it’s off to Kurt to face the masked dude. They’re going very fast paced so far. Angle misses a charge into the post but Rey takes too much time on the top and gets run over by Kurt. The Olympian tags in the psycho who suplexes Rey down for two.
Back to Angle who suplexes Rey down and gets in a cheap shot on Edge. The Angle Slam is countered but Angle clotheslines Rey down instead. Back to Chris as Tazz talks about Los Guerreros not wanting to get in yet. The battling partners tag in again so Angle can put on a front facelock. Rey fights up after about a minute in the hold and kicks Kurt in the face to take him down.
There’s the hot tag to Edge who cleans house with a bunch of suplexes. Eddie comes in and goes to the floor with Rey. Edge misses the spear and gets caught in a Crossface and ankle lock AT THE SAME TIME. Mysterio breaks both parts of the hold up and Chavo pulls Angle to the floor. Rey dives on both of them and Benoit Germans Edge but Eddie comes in off the top to sunset flip Benoit, sending Edge flying in a German for two each. Eddie gets suplexed to the floor with his head smashing into the apron on the way down. FREAKING OW MAN!
Benoit rolls more Germans on Edge (Gee I wonder why he needed neck surgery five months after this) and Eddie hits the Frog Splash on Edge but Benoit hits the Swan Dive on Eddie. Angle Slam and Ankle lock to Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge. Chavo hits Benoit with a belt and throws the belt to Angle. Benoit thinks Angle hit him and Mysterio dropkicks Chris into Angle. Angle and Rey go to the floor and Edge spears Benoit for the elimination. Absolutely amazing sequence there which NEVER STOPPED.
Angle and Benoit destroy Edge and Rey before leaving. They lay out Los Guerreros too for fun. Eddie vs. Edge keeps the match going and Eddie suplexes the Canadian down before it’s off to Chavo. Chavo pounds away on Edge as Los Guerreros double team. We get down to a much more standard tag team formula with Edge playing Ricky Morton. Edge finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s off to Rey.
Things speed up again with Rey flying all over the place and hitting a headscissors to put Chavo down. Edge spears both guys down and launches Rey up to rana Eddie off the top. That’s another awesome sequence. There’s the 619 to Eddie but Chavo hits Rey in the back to break up the West Coast Pop. Eddie puts on the Lasso From El Paso (a Boston Crab/Sharpshooter hybrid) for the tap and the titles.
Rating: B+. This was a match that felt like it got hacked to death. If you give these guys another 15 minutes (the match ran 20) and take away the belt shots, the match gets a lot better. The first half, as in before the first elimination, is INCREDIBLE. The stuff after that though is good but standard. Still though, these guys were the future of the company and it was a good sign to see them. Combine that with three guys named Batista, Orton and Cena that had debuted earlier in the year and you’ve got the next five years of WWE.
Here’s Nowitski to make fun of New York in a really stupid promo. Matt Hardy comes out to yell at him before blasting New York as well. The mouth running goes on even longer until FINALLY Scott Steiner debuts and murders them. Somehow this took SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES. Steiner would go on to have perhaps the two worst PPV world title matches in recorded history against HHH before being shunted down the card.
Shawn says he believes in himself but we get RNN BREAKING NEWS! It’s Randy Orton who has a bad shoulder. He says there’s no new damage to his bad shoulder due to an extra pillow on the plane. This was the WAY over the top deal that Orton was doing which first turned him heel. I loved it but it got annoying fast, which is the right idea.
We recap the Elimination Chamber. HHH is the official WORLD CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING but Shawn beat him at Summerslam and wants a rematch. Bischoff wants to top the Cell so here’s his latest idea. The rules are mostly simple: two guys start and there are four more in individual pods. After five minutes there’s a new guy introduced and it’s elimination rules. The winner is world champion. The other four guys are there because they’re the biggest stars on Raw. This is set to Always again and they’re not even trying to hide that this is ALL about HHH vs. Shawn.
HHH says that he’s awesome and he’ll keep the title.
Eric comes out and walks through the Chamber to explain everything I just said. Apparently the glass is bulletproof. This is the first time the Chamber had been seen and I believe the first time the rules have been explained.
Raw World Title: Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam
Jericho is a tag champion, but the cool part here is that as he comes out, Saliva does his theme song live at WWF New York. HHH is defending of course. Shawn’s tights are….brown. This is one of those decisions that no one ever quite got and he was made fun of extensively for them apparently. I mean…..BROWN? Mankind wore brown for crying out loud. The wide show of the Chamber really does look cool. Anyway the entrances take a long time and RVD vs. HHH gets us going.
Van Dam hits a spinwheel kick to take HHH down but walks into a facebuster. The Pedigree is countered into a backdrop over the top to hit the cage outside the ring. JR’s statements about the Chamber are already nuts as he says it has no soul or conscience. IT’S A FREAKING CAGE! Anyway, HHH is rammed into the cage over and over to bust him open and Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder over the top rope to land on HHH on the cage. Yeah there’s a floor made of cage surrounding the ring that is level with the mat if you’ve somehow never seen one of these.
Van Dam goes up on one of the pods but his flip dive mostly hits the floor instead of HHH. Back in the ring and HHH gets stomped down in the corner as Jericho is added in as the third man. Van Dam immediately kicks him down and it’s five minutes until the next entrant. A cartwheel into a moonsault gets two on Jericho and they head outside the ring as well. In the first famous spot in the Chamber’s history, Van Dam jumps off the top rope, misses Jericho, and grabs onto the cage like Spider-Man before spinning back around to cross body Jericho. That’s still awesome.
HHH gets back up and hits the knee to the face of Van Dam which gives Jericho a two count. HHH and Jericho double team RVD before Chris tells Shawn to suck it. Van Dam’s back gets rammed into the cage wall some more and Jericho talks a lot of trash. Rob’s back goes into the cage over and over and we head back in to the ring. There’s a spin kick to put Jericho down as Booker T is in fourth.
Booker quickly clears the ring and we get a Spinarooni before Van Dam fights Booker one on one. Booker gets in some shots to Rob but walks into the stepover kick to give Van Dam control again. HHH gets back up and takes Van Dam down, only to get caught by the scissors kick from Booker. The next big spot of the match is Van Dam going up to the top of the pod and hitting the Five Star on HHH, with Van Dam’s knee hitting HHH’s throat, severely (and legitimately) injuring HHH’s windpipe. Since HHH can’t get up right now to eliminate Van Dam, Booker hits a missile dropkick to take Van Dam out.
Booker grabs a quick cover on HHH but only gets two. Jericho goes after Booker but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for his efforts. Kane comes in fifth because we don’t quite know if Shawn’s back can handle a full match yet. Kane goes off on Booker and Jericho as HHH lays on the outside. Jericho gets launched face first into the cage wall and is then thrown through the BULLETPROOF, yes BULLETPROOF I SAY glass. This would become a running joke in the Chamber.
JR says the Chamber has no soul or conscience again just to hammer home the point. Kane chokeslams Booker and Jericho adds the Lionsault to take Booker out and get us down to four guys. A Kane suplex gets two on Jericho as we’re waiting on Shawn to come in. HHH goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down ala Flair. Jericho missile dropkicks Kane down and here’s HBK.
HHH is down in the corner of course so Shawn can only beat on Kane and Jericho. There’s the forearm to Kane but no nipup, leaving everyone down at the moment. Kane whips Shawn HARD into the corner where Shawn flips upside down. There’s a chokeslam for all three remaining guys not named Kane but instead of covering, Kane loads up a Tombstone on HHH. Shawn superkicks Kane down but he sits up. The Pedigree and Lionsault finally put Kane out and we’re down to three.
Shawn gets double teamed by HHH and Jericho and it’s time for Chris to dance. After being rammed into the cage a few times, Michaels is busted open. Jericho talks more trash and HHH walks around a lot. Shawn tries to fight back but his piledriver on the cage is countered to backdrop his bad back onto the cage again. There’s the Lionsault….for two. You know, the move that put out Booker and Kane earlier? It’s now not enough to put down Shawn when he’s been beaten down and injured on top of having one match in four and a half years.
Shawn comes back with a moonsault press to Jericho for two before putting Jericho in the Walls. HHH finally comes back from getting popcorn or something with a DDT to Shawn. Jericho and HHH finally get in the argument you were expecting and the fight is on. Jericho jumps out of the corner and lands in the Pedigree, but Jericho counters into the Walls. While holding HHH, Shawn kicks Jericho’s head off and it’s down to one on one. If this surprises you, you’re an imbecile.
So it’s Shawn, bloodied and injured and in his second match in four years, against an also injured HHH in the main event at Madison Square Garden. Gosh I’m so glad these two are so selfless. The spinebuster puts Shawn down and HHH backdrops him over the top. Shawn sends HHH into the cage but when Shawn tries to Pedigree HHH on the steel, HHH counters into a slingshot through the cage again. You know, because Shawn would still be alive at this point.
Back in the ring all that gets two and it’s time for the slugout. Seriously, those brown tights are so stupid looking. A facebuster puts Shawn down and it’s another clothesline to put him onto the outside. The Pedigree on the steel is countered into another slingshot into the Chamber wall. Back into the ring and Shawn drops the elbow off the top of the pod. The Superkick is countered into the Pedigree and, say it with me, Shawn kicks out at two. Another Pedigree is countered into a backdrop, followed by the Sweet Chin Music to give Shawn the title.
Rating: D+. I’ve mellowed on this match in the last few years to the point where I’m not mad about it anymore. However, it’s still one of those matches where you look at it and say really. As in REALLY? We’re supposed to buy that Shawn can survive ALL of that and still win the freaking title? You have to keep in mind this isn’t the Shawn who was having the match of the year for like five years running. No one expected him to go on as long as he did. At this point, making it to Wrestlemania would have been impressive.
That’s where this match loses it for me: we’re supposed to buy that Shawn is so great, so amazing, and so tough that he can basically walk off the street and be better than four of the top guys in the business? There comes a point where my suspension of disbelief is cut off and I can’t buy this anymore. We passed that at Summerslam, making this even more ridiculous. This match is also the reason we had to sit through the AWFUL match at Armageddon, where HHH and Shawn got to waste 40 minutes of our time by barely being able to move.
In short, this is way more than I can accept as far as the match being realistic. In wrestling, you have to accept that some stuff is ridiculous. That’s called suspending disbelief. However, there comes a point where that’s not the case any longer. It’s unrealistic in wrestling terms to accept that Shawn can survive all this and win the title. This was pure selfishness from Shawn and HHH, which would get WAY worse in the future. HHH wouldn’t make a new star for over a YEAR when he put Benoit over at Wrestlemania in the same arena.
As for the rest of the match, it’s acceptable, but WAY too long. The Chamber matches need to go about thirty minutes instead of the forty this one went. The last seventeen minutes here, as in the amount of time after Kane is eliminated, are REALLY repetitive and while they had good drama, they needed to be cut. Booker, RVD, Jericho and Kane were all there to fill in spaces and be there for Shawn and HHH to bounce off of. I don’t hate the match, but it really doesn’t work all that well.
Confetti falls to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. The show overall is pretty solid actually but the main event is a good sized letdown. The Show/Lesnar stuff I went on about enough, but other than those two things the card is pretty solid. The triple threat tag is good stuff but the No Mercy match is even better. This show is worth checking out, but you won’t be thrilled by the Chamber.
Ratings Comparison
Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning
Original: B
Redo: B-
Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble
Original: C+
Redo: B-
Victoria vs. Trish Stratus
Original: C-
Redo: B
Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar
Original: D-
Redo: D+
Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio
Original: B
Redo: B+
Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho
Original: B
Redo: D+
Overall Rating
Original: B-
Redo: C+
Dang that’s a big swing on the Chamber. I don’t remember liking it that much the first time.
Monday Night Raw – June 9, 2014: It Was Better Than Nothing
Monday Night Raw
Date: June 9, 2014
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
The main story coming into tonight are the fallout from Seth Rollins turning on Shield last week. Tonight we should be getting revenge from Ambrose and Reigns, who didn’t appear on Smackdown last week. On top of that, the breaking news today is Daniel Bryan not being cleared for Money in the Bank, meaning the title will likely be held up. Let’s get to it.
Here’s a very happy Authority to open the show. Stephanie talks about how they like to make blockbuster announcements and gives us a video of Daniel Bryan’s doctor. Dr. Maroon says that Daniel won’t be able to participate at Money in the Bank due to the severity of his neck injury. HHH is very pleased as Stephanie officially strips Bryan of the title. Stephanie wishes Bryan well and acknowledges his very selfish wife Brie.
However we still need a WWE Champion, so at Money in the Bank we’ll have a WWE Championship ladder match. The participants will be determined by a series of qualifying matches. Stephanie says the first qualifying match took place on Smackdown (it was on Raw) so Alberto Del Rio is in. HHH says Randy Orton is in as well because he deserves it. They’ve been saying it since Wrestlemania, but now this is proof: Daniel Bryan isn’t WWE Championship material.
HHH isn’t done yet as he rants about telling Shield to adapt or perish but only Seth Rollins listened to what he said. We get a video of the turn last week, which still took place after Shield beat Evolution twice in a row. As for tonight, Ambrose and Reigns will be in a six man tag match against the Wyatt Family. They need to find a partner though, which might be tough after they spent a year running roughshod over the entire locker room. However, they need to adapt or they’ll perish.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Sheamus vs. Bad News Barrett
Non-title. Barrett takes him into the corner to start but gets run over with a clothesline. Sheamus is sent out to the floor and Barrett follows it up with a shoulder block off the steps. Back in and Sheamus takes him down again before hitting the ten forearms. A middle rope knee drop misses and Barrett kicks him in the face, only for a running cross body from Sheamus to put both guys on the floor.
Back from a break with Sheamus in a chinlock before Barrett drops an elbow for two. Sheamus fights up but runs into a knee to the head, only to avoid the low superkick and get two off the Irish Curse. Winds of Change gets the same for Barrett but he walks into the tilt-a-whirl powerslam for two. Sheamus loads up the Brogue but Barrett rolls to the floor, only to have Sheamus dive off the top. It’s a bad move though, as Barrett steps to the side and Sheamus crashes into the barricade.
He beats the count back in at nine and kicks out of Wasteland at two. The Bull Hammer is countered into White Noise for a very close two but Barrett counters the slingshot shoulder with a headbutt. He kicks Sheamus in the head over and over before ramming Sheamus shoulder first into the post twice in a row. Another series of kicks to the head in the corner….set up the Brogue Kick out of nowhere for the pin for Sheamus at 13:12.
Rating: B-. As this whole thing was going on, I was saying to myself “and then Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick out of nowhere for the pin”, and that’s exactly what happened. How did I know that was going to happen? Because that’s what always happens. At least the stuff before the ending was good. Also are we just going to forget about Sheamus’ head injury from before Payback?
The Wyatts pop on screen and says people were supposed to forget about them. Bray says he’s been reborn, despite only being gone eight days and making an appearance on Smackdown in between.
Lana comes out and makes fun of Obama for being a weak man. We get a video of I’m assuming the real Obama working out with some very light weights. Lana compares him to Putin who is known to be in good shape and trains in martial arts. We get a rather disturbing picture of a shirtless Putin on a horse which I’ve seen before and is still just as disturbing.
Rusev vs. Zack Ryder
Forearms to the back of the head, the running superkick and the Accolade end Ryder at 1:03.
Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Goldust/R-Truth
Truth gets attacked to start but he escapes for the hot (?) tag less than a minute in. Goldust cleans house and hits the snap powerslam on Axel. Ryback comes in and the spinning cross body takes out both he and Curtis as Cody is watching in the back. Truth is thrown to the floor and Goldust nails a spinebuster on Ryback. Axel sneaks in from behind though and rolls up Goldust for the pin with a handful of tights for the pin at 2:20.
Layla is getting her makeup done while insulting the people of Minneapolis, including hometown girl Summer Rae. Summer comes up behind her and pours milk over her before ramming Layla into various things.
3MB is in the ring but here come Ambrose and Reigns. The beating is on and they fight up the aisle with Reigns hitting a spear to Slater completely off screen. It looked like a camera error as they were looking at the crowd for a long stretch of time. Thankfully the replay shows a good shot of it.
Ambrose says the Shield was going to go down as one of the best groups ever. They dominated WWE and everyone in it, including Evolution. The team was healthy on the surface but there was a cancer inside them called Seth Rollins. Ambrose says he’ll get the chance to rearrange Rollins’ face by moving his nose over to his one ear (“because you’ll only have one left”) and that they’ll beat Rollins up. I like how simple that last line was.
Reigns very casually (not a bad thing) says Seth committed the most unforgettable sin. After he gets done with Rollins, Reigns is coming for Orton so he can mess up the face of the WWE. Then he’s coming for HHH. When he gets his hands on the King of Kings, they’ll have their own Game of Thrones.
Seth Rollins will break his silence tonight, despite talking on Smackdown.
Usos vs. Fandango/Damien Sandow
Damien comes out in what looks like long underwear and a streamer for what’s described as “interpretive dance.” Layla still has milk on her because WWE doesn’t have towels. Fandango cranks on Jimmy’s arm to start but Jimmy comes back with the dancing right hand. Off to Damien and the dancing begins. Sandow takes Jimmy over with a headlock before dancing around. Jimmy JUMPS up for a superkick before knocking Fandango off the apron. Jey hits the Superfly Splash for the pin on Sandow at 2:24.
Bo Dallas vs. Xavier Woods
Dallas says the way for Bryan to get back sooner than later is to BOLIEVE! Woods gets caught in a headlock to start but hiptosses Bo down to escape. A knee to the ribs drops Woods again but he sends Dallas into the buckle, only to springboard into something like a spear. The Bodog is good for the pin at 2:30.
Bo tells Woods to never quit after the match.
Back from a break with Paul Heyman in the ring and talking about the same thing he’s talked about every night since Wrestlemania. Tonight he’s here to introduce the next WWE World Heavyweight Champion, who is coming off his history making moment at Wrestlemania……CESARO! Heyman was teasing Lesnar if that wasn’t clear.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam
Rob quickly takes him down for two before walking into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam for two. The monkey flip and top rope kick to the face send Cesaro to the floor and a flip dive drops him again as we take a break. Back with Cesaro cranking on a chinlock and throwing RVD out to the floor. They head back inside for another chinlock before Rob nails the spinwheel kick and a clothesline to take over. Cesaro misses a charge in the corner and the split legged moonsault gets two.
Van Dam tries to speed things up a bit too much though and gets caught by Swiss Death out of the corner for an even closer near fall. A powerbomb gets two more for Cesaro but he gets kicked down and nailed with Rolling Thunder. Back up and Rob nails another spinning kick in the corner but gets crotched down for his efforts. Cesaro wraps the leg around the post before Neutralizing RVD for the pin at 10:50.
Rating: C+. Good but not great match here. WWE is really getting into a funk with how they do every kind of match and you can see it here very clearly. They just kept trading their signature stuff until the winner hit a finisher for the pin. That’s almost the same formula you see in every upper midcard match and it’s getting a bit annoying.
We recap the Authority and Shield’s promos from earlier.
Michael Cole brings out Seth Rollins, now with his own music and in a suit, for a sitdown interview. Rollins says he doesn’t understand the controversy behind what he did because he was looking out for his own business. He takes credit for creating the Shield and says the other two have no right to claim any of its success. Ambrose would be face first in a ditch without him and Reigns needs someone to focus his aggression.
Cole asks about the Shield being three individuals instead of one man. Rollins says we’ll see about that tonight. He took Shield to the top and that brings us to Payback. Rollins learned from Evolution that you have to evolve and adapt. The fans say he sold out but he says he bought in to the evolution of Seth Rollins. Rollins brags about the guts it took last week but people are fixated on how he turned on his brothers. Seth says they were just business partners and he severed those connections.
For two years, Rollins put his fist out and said believe in the Shield. What he really meant was that everyone should believe in Seth Rollins. That’s all for the explanation, so now where are Ambrose and Reigns to do what they promised? Here they come and Rollins takes off his tie but we’ve got Wyatts. The lights come back on and the Family is in the ring for the fight. Bray is nowhere in sight but Rollins comes back inside….just as Rollins and Harper are sent outside. Bray and the Family come back in for the save but Cena comes out for the real save, apparently becoming the third man for the tag match later.
Paige vs. Alicia Fox
Non-title and Alicia has Aksana in her corner. Paige quickly heads outside to go after Aksana and gets dropkicked off the apron as a result. Fox puts on a chinlock and yells a lot before hitting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Paige counters a side slam with a headscissors out of the floor as Cole describes Fox as a “mood ring maker’s dream.” Back in and Paige fires off a bunch of clotheslines followed by a bad looking running dropkick for two. Aksana yells a lot so Paige throws Fox into her, setting up the PTO on Fox for the submission at 4:56.
Rating: D+. This was sloppy at times but not horrible. Fox’s push is pretty much done as she keeps losing every match she’s in, making the character development rather worthless. She does look good in the shorts though. Paige getting another win on TV is good for her though as she can keep dominating until someone is built up to beat her.
Fox beats up Aksana post match before stealing water and popcorn from fans to pour on Aksana. She feeds some to Aksana against her will and that’s about it. JBL calling for anyone from Jesse Ventura to the Gagnes to help them made me chuckle.
Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger
Marella escapes an early powerslam attempt and sends Jack out to the floor with a forearm. Colter slaps Swagger in the face and Jack is all fired up, to the point that he misses a charge into the post. Thankfully he blocks the Cobra and hits the gutwrench powerbomb for the pin at 1:57.
Cody Rhodes tells Goldust that he’s found the perfect partner for him. Next week, Goldust’s partner will magnify his star power. No word on who it is.
We look at Stephanie stripping Bryan of the title and announcing Money in the Bank being for the title.
Stephanie is annoyed at Cena for getting in her business two weeks in a row. Vickie Guerrero comes in with champagne for the two of them because Brad Maddox and Daniel Bryan are both gone. She sneezes on Stephanie and gets thrown out with a threat of being fired again.
Dean Ambrose/Roman Reigns/John Cena vs. Wyatt Family
It’s a brawl to start until we officially gets going with Ambrose hammering away on Rowan. Dean cleans house and even dives on Harper for good measure. Back in and Dean dropkicks Erick down before the tag brings in Reigns to pound away as well. Rowan finally gets in a shot of his own and makes the tag to Harper, who can’t quite suplex Roman. Instead Reigns suplexes him down for two before driving Harper into the corner for the tag to Ambrose.
The Wyatts take over on Dean with Bray shouting at him to come on. Dean is taken to the floor where he’s able to send Rowan into the steps for a breather. Back in and Harper easily takes him down again and cranks on a chinlock as the dueling Cena chants begin. We come back from a break with Rowan hitting a big side slam on Ambrose before it’s back to Bray for his usual theatrics.
Ambrose gets a boot up to stop a charging Wyatt and the hot tag finally brings in Cena. John hammers away but the Family takes over on him as well via a boot to the face. Back to Bray for the running backsplash for two and Bray laughs a lot. Harper hits a rack neckbreaker for two more and a Michinoku Driver gets the same. Bray pounds in a few right hands and headbutts before taking him back inside for the dancing spot.
The suplex slam gets two before Cena finally gets over for the real hot tag to Reigns. Roman cleans house with all of his signature spots as everything breaks down. Reigns does Cena’s ProtpBomb for two on Harper before Cena cross bodies Rowan down. Bray hits the Sister Abigail on Cena but walks into the Superman Punch. Rowan is thrown outside as well, setting up the suicide dive from Ambrose. A superkick (good one too) gets two for Harper but he walks into the spear for the pin at 20:46.
Rating: B-. This was a nice bit of storytelling with the Shield losing Rollins but finally being able to beat the one team that had eluded them in their reign of dominance. Reigns continues to look awesome and Ambrose has more charisma than he knows what to do with. Not a great match but it more than did what it was supposed to do.
Rollins and HHH look on from the back to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. This wasn’t a great show but it did some of the things WWE has needed to do. Rollins’ promo was good and explained his mindset, but it still doesn’t make a ton of sense. He wants all of the credit for Shield’s success. That’s fine, but I don’t get why you join a team of losers to get that. Wouldn’t it make more sense to just go out on your own because you don’t need them?
The rest of the show was solid enough with some matches that went by too fast to really be bad. Money in the Bank is shaping up and hopefully there’s only one ladder match this year. I’m not wild on Cena vs. the Wyatts continuing but the upcoming PPV could change a lot of things. The show went by quickly tonight and nothing was horrible so I’m pleased.
Results
Sheamus b. Bad News Barrett – Brogue Kick
Rusev b. Zack Ryder – Accolade
Curtis Axel/Ryback b. Goldust/R-Truth – Rollup to Goldust
Usos b. Fandango/Damien Sandow – Superfly Splash to Fandango
Bo Dallas b. Xavier Woods – Bodog
Cesaro b. Rob Van Dam – Neutralizer
Paige b. Alicia Fox – PTO
Jack Swagger b. Santino Marella – Gutwrench powerbomb
Dean Ambrose/Roman Reigns/John Cena b. Wyatt Family – Spear to Harper
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Wrestler of the Day – May 3: Rhyno
Today it’s RHYNO! RHYNO! RHYNO!
Rhyno started in the indies near Canada, joining forces with Christian Cage and Sexton Hardcastle, who would later become known as Edge and Christian. He would eventually get a spot on Raw as a jobber. From November 6, 1995.
Terry Richards vs. Henry O. Godwin
Richards takes him into the corner and hammers away but misses a charge. A belly to back suplex and elbow drop have Richards in trouble. Godwin sends him into the buckle and rips at Richards’ face for good measure. The announcers spend the whole match talking about Henry Godwin vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley, which to be fair is what you should do in a match like this. The Slop Drop (reverse DDT) gets an easy pin to complete Henry’s squash.
We’re going to skip ahead several years here as Rhyno spent most of the next several years in the indies and Germany where there isn’t a ton of video. We’ll pick things up in ECW, where Rhyno appeared on the third episode of ECW on TNN, from September 10, 1999.
Rhyno vs. Super Crazy
Before the ECWites start complaining, yes I know that’s the WWE spelling of it and that’s how I spell it. Get over it. Speed vs. power here. Crazy moves as fast as he can but his springboard moonsault press is caught in a powerslam for two. Rhyno is brand new here. He misses a charge and Crazy hits a springboard missile dropkick and a leg lariat of the same kind of two.
Gertner keeps trying to order Mexican food. Out to the floor and Rhyno is knocked into the crowd. HUGE Asai moonsault takes Rhyno out. Back in the ring and Rhyno starts up the power offense. Crazy comes back with a tornado DDT for two. Selling and being on offense for an extended period weren’t things commonly done in ECW. A moonsault gets knees and another powerslam gets two. Crazy counters a powerbomb into a rana for the pin.
Rating: C-. Not a bad match here with Crazy moving around quite well. The ECW midcard was usually very solid and this was one of their better periods. That being said, I eventually got tired of Tajiri vs. Crazy which happened for months on end. Decent little match here, although the ending was pretty weak. To be fair, Rhyno was brand new at this point so he didn’t have his whole deal down yet.
Rhyno was a big enough deal that he was in the main event of November to Remember 1999, ECW’s biggest show of the year.
Rhyno/Justin Credible/Lance Storm vs. Sandman/Tommy Dreamer/Raven
Literally, we see RVD celebrating and then Rhyno’s music is playing. At least we get to look at Dawn Marie. Francine comes out in a bikini. Ok then. Raven and Dreamer are tag champions at this point. Sandman’s entrance effectively kills five minutes of the show. Why is this a big match? Not important. Why are they fighting? Not important. Why are these people teaming together? Not important.
Actually, I don’t think any of these feuds/matches have been explained. Not important I guess. So with like 5 minutes, the heels don’t bother jumping Raven and Dreamer at all. Brilliant there guys. It’s a good sign when you can walk around for the length of Enter Sandman. We’re already past the prayer. Tommy has a case around hits elbow. Wasn’t he supposed to retire? We kill more time by doing entrances.
Seriously nearly fifteen minutes have passed since the end of the previous match. Hey it’s a bell and we’re going to get a match! Sandman vs. Rhyno start us off since Justin makes a fast tag when he sees who is starting for the faces. And we stall. Raven won’t tag Dreamer. The showdown here is Sandman vs. Credible but we don’t get it yet due to Credible running. Credible had allegedly run Sandman out of ECW to WCW where he sucked for the most part.
We actually have something close to a wrestling match for a little bit. You can tell this is the super show. Storm vs. Sandman is a weird pairing to say the least. I’m not sure if Rhyno had the Gore or not yet. Raven punches Dreamer to get the hot tag. Apparently he does have the Gore as he uses a bad one on Raven. Yep it’s a big brawl. They lasted all of 7 minutes without one. That has to be a record for a main event here.
DDT to Credible gets two. Raven and Dreamer working together is weird and just as I say that Raven drop toe holds him into a chair. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! The Gore hits Storm and Sandman has a cane. The girls go at it for a bit. Dawn isn’t wearing underwear. Nice. Raven possibly accidently canes Sandman and Credible hits the Tombstone for the pin.
Rating: F+. This is the main event of the biggest show of the year and it doesn’t even break ten minutes? This felt like a total filler match and nothing more. Does this actually change anything? Raven is a bad guy. Is this supposed to be like surprising or something? Seriously, why was this on last? With RVD and Taz at least it would have felt huge. This feels like just another match. I have no idea what Heyman was thinking back then, but it couldn’t have been coherent.
Rhyno would win the TV Title at Cyberslam 2000 and defend it against Sandman at Hardcore Heaven 2000.
TV Title: Sandman vs. Rhyno
We hear about how Sandman has never held this title, which should imply he wins it here. That would make sense of course, so I’m betting against him. His entrance is always cool, but it’s a glorified way to kill 3 minutes. That being said, it’s still completely awesome and I’m hardly complaining.
We go straight to it after a four and a half minute intro. This is the third attempt at this match so it’s a long time coming. Joey admits that this is going to be a fight and not a match, which is about what I expected. There’s your first table. The fans want Sandman to screw him up. Could we please wait until we’re in a hotel for that? This is back when Rhino was still insane and awesome looking so he’s a big favorite.
He misses a shoulder block/spear thing though and crashes through a table. Sandman gets a piledriver for two on a table. Since it didn’t work he does it again. Here’s Sandman’s wife to beat up Jack Victory and Corino stops her. Sandman takes a piledriver on the ramp…and Lori takes a piledriver from the apron through a table which was one of the most played spots in ECW’s following history. For some reason her being dragged with her feet crossed is making me laugh. Sandman picks her up and gets Gored through a table to end it.
Rating: D+. Another wild brawl with Sandman getting his teeth kicked in for the most part. It did its job of making Rhyno look like a tough guy though it was too short and of course had too much interference. Again though, did you expect anything more? This just wasn’t anything special and it came off like another big mess. Decent little brawl though.
Since RVD never lost the TV Title due to his broken ankle, he received a rematch for the title at Anarchy Rulz 2000.
TV Title: Rhyno vs. Rob Van Dam
The whole RVD never got beat and Rhyno is the bigger and better champion is decided here apparently while Justin Credible is main eventing another PPV. Rhyno charges while RVD is doing his spin kick to his name. We immediately go to the floor and I’m not sure if there was a bell yet. This is another of those big brawls that doesn’t really prove anything at all but the fans love them so they kept happening.
The lights are weird here as things are really dark. It’s likely the company just couldn’t afford it I guess. Van Dam hits an over the ropes dive to take out Rhyno. The idea here is RVD’s usual stuff isn’t working so he’s having to hit and run. The skateboard dropkick hits in the corner and the challenger is dominating. Cyrus calls the fans troglodytes. It must be a Canadian thing.
Rhyno hits a middle rope clothesline to kill RVD and take over. And it’s table time. You knew it was coming. Rhyno hits a chinlock as Alfonzo blows his whistle in time with the RVD chants. Five Star gets two and he’s stunned. The Gore hits and there’s the piledriver through the table. Fonzie hits Rhyno with a chair to set up the Van Daminator.
Van Terminator misses thanks to Justin interfering for no apparent reason and it hits Fonzie. Rhyno hits a running spinebuster through the table and then a piledriver on a chair ends it. I always hated that move for him as he’s a power guy using a move that Jerry Lawler used a lot. Never got that.
Rating: D+. You know for a big clash, this was pretty weak. RVD loses….why? Heyman wouldn’t put the spotlight on him because of guys like Justin? This wouldn’t have saved the company but it would have given them a better chance. This was a pretty weak match that didn’t feel special. It’s not really that good and while it’s entertaining, this should have been a main event somewhere instead of a throwaway match. But that would be logical booking which didn’t exist around this time so there we are.
I’ll skip Rhyno winning the ECW World Title at Guilty As Charged 2001 because the match is only about 45 seconds long. He would be in the WWF almost immediately and hook up with Edge and Christian as a loose alliance. One of his first major matches would be at Backlash 2001 for Raven’s Hardcore Title.
Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Rhyno
Rhyno is champion. This is considered one of the best hardcore matches ever so let’s see if it lives up to its hype. Rhyno tries a Gore immediately but Raven drop toeholds him into the stop sign. Trashcan shot gets two. Rhyno takes over with a running shoulder in the corner and the beating begins. Raven gets a trashcan up to block a running charge but it hurts him even more. He falls out to the floor and gets covered for two.
Rhyno sets up the steps and puts Raven in a chair. He tries a run up the stairs to set up a dive, only to crush the chair. Raven uses the same setup but gets a clothesline off the steps for two. Back inside for half a second as Rhyno takes over again. Raven gets his head taken off by a trashcan lid and a sign shot gets two. Back into the ring and Rhyno hits him with a shopping cart. Whatever works I guess.
Drop toehold puts Rhyno into the cart and down he goes. A bunch of sign shots take Rhyno down and a LOUD one does it again. Bulldog out of the corner gets two. Rhyno picks up the shopping cart but Raven gets a trashcan shot in to have the cart fall on Rhyno for two. Cart goes into Rhyno’s ribs but Rhyno gets a sign shot in to get two. Momentum shifts back and forth a lot in this match. Rhyno tries the Gore into the shopping cart but misses and Rhyno is stuck inside the cart. We go to a replay of it and during that the Gore ends Raven. That fits the move as the move is supposed to come out of nowhere, which it did there.
Rating: B. Well they were right, this was good. The key thing here is it never got silly. This was more about violence than the weapons if that makes sense. Most of the time there would be comedy spots in something like this but here, it was all about the violence and the brutality out there, making for a far better and more entertaining match.
And then the InVasion happened. Rhyno would be on the Alliance team at the InVasion pay per view, wrestling in the main event known as the Inaugural Brawl.
Inaugural Brawl: Team WWF vs. Team WCW/ECW
WWF – Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, Kane, Undertaker
WCW/ECW – Booker T, Diamond Dallas Page, Rhyno, Dudley Boys
All three Alliance bosses get entrances. Now Vince gets an entrance. It’s been over 12 minutes since the last match ended and we’re not even to the wrestlers’ entrances yet. So yeah for you trivia buffs, this is the other non-ECW PPV that the Dudley Boys main evented. Kane and Taker were still kind of tag partners at this point but not really. So apparently Taker and Kane are balanced out by the Dudley Boyz? Ok then.
Oh and this is just a ten man tag. No special rules or anything like that. And pay no attention to the fact that both Taker and Kane (albeit as a jobber) used to work for WCW. Rhyno makes it the third ECW guy in a row. Talk about a push that died after this. Next is Jericho, who is about as opposite of Rhyno after this show as you could ask of anyone. Stephanie and Jericho was one of the funniest feuds I can ever remember.
Booker is US and World Champion at this time but he would hand the US Title to Kanyon soon after this. This just feels entirely thrown together. Sting is mentioned on a WWF PPV for likely the only time ever. Stephanie dancing to Booker’s music is just hilarious. Angle gets a HUGE pop despite going the wrong way down the ramp.
The level he reached about two months from now was insane. DDP is apparently the biggest deal in the Alliance. Dang did they ever jump the gun here. The 9 mentioned start fighting in the aisle and we have Austin. Notice a certain one sidedness here?
Austin and Rhyno start us off. Austin hits a superplex off the top. Sweet goodness. Jericho gets a NICE pop for the tag. Booker, the only one of the WCW/ECW guys to get a legit push in WWF comes in. Angle gets another great pop. This was after the peak the company had a few months earlier, but it was still a huge deal. This evolves into your standard big time tag match with various people beating on each other with no one really controlling for a ton of time.
DDP hits a Stunner on the top rope on Taker to finally get something resembling control. Austin works on a wristlock on Booker. There’s something you don’t see everyday. We’ve been at this for about ten minutes now and there hasn’t been any long term control. There isn’t much to say here either though as it’s exactly what you would expect it to be. Heyman is awesome at being completely evil when he has to be.
Angle is in some trouble here and the Spinarooni hits. Page hits a spinning powerbomb on Angle which is one of my favorite moves. So after nearly 20 minutes we get to the traditional face in peril sequence of the match. We go old school with Austin getting the tag but the referee didn’t see it. I love things like that. Diamond Cutter on Angle and it gets NO reaction. Cole of course calls it a neck breaker while Ross, 10 seconds after it, says the name right.
And here is the brawl that you knew was coming. Rhyno hits the Gore on Booker and Taker finally gets his hands on DDP again. Chokeslam to Page. Booker and Austin fight on the floor while the WCW referee gets a Last Ride. Taker and DDP go into the crowd while Austin’s knee is messed up after going into the steps. Kane is fighting both Dudleys.
That’s how you can tell Taker is a bigger deal than Kane: when Taker did that, they got their own match. It’s table time. Kane hits a chokeslam through the announce table on D-Von. He got him UP there too. Rhyno and Bubba put Kane through the Spanish Announce Table. Good to see a tradition still alive. Jericho puts Rhyno through the table the Dudleyz set up. Booker and Angle are the only guys still conscious. Oh and Bubba also.
The referee is still looking at Austin’s knee. Yes I’m listing a lot of play by play but you have to here so you know what’s going on. Angle fights off Booker and Bubba with an ankle lock and the Angle Slam, back when it was a good finisher, respectively. And there goes the referee. Cue the finish. Vince grabs the WWF Title and throws it to Angle. Shane gets it though and down goes Vince.
It’s Booker vs. Angle now. Angle hits his pair of finishers on him, Austin throws the referee in, kicks Angle in the head, Stunner, pin, WCW/ECW wins. Austin turned heel again, shocking JR despite him having done the same thing TWO AND A HALF MONTHS EARLIER. Austin and the three Alliance leaders have beers to end the show.
Rating: B. This did something I didn’t think it did: it made the far weaker WCW/ECW team look legit. This was all about making WWF look like they were in danger and it did that. WWF never had the advantage in the whole match until the very end. WCW/ECW controlled this as they should have. Austin turning heel had to be done given the totally rushed nature of this angle but that’s neither here nor there. The match wasn’t terrible either, so I’d say this was a success. Not a classic or anything, but a success.
Rhyno would get a US Title shot against old rival Tajiri at Unforgiven 2001.
US Title: Rhyno vs. Tajiri
Tajiri is champion. JR doesn’t get how Tajiri can date an Alliance chick in Torrie. Common sense never was Ross’ strong suit. Tajiri fires off some kicks and chops but the fans don’t care. To be fair this is a filler match between the Rock match and Austin vs. Angle. Rhyno gets in a shot and we hit the chinlock. Big spinebuster gets two. Rhyno goes after Torrie and loads up a Gore but Tajiri kicks him HARD in the face to break it up. Tornado DDT is countered so there’s an Octopus Hold and an attempted Tarantula. Buzzsaw Kick misses and a suplex sets up the Gore to give Rhyno the title.
Rating: D+. This was nothing but it wasn’t that awful. It needed to be on Smackdown as far as quality but at the same time it did let them have a buffer between the title matches which is a good idea. Also it’s not like there was much to see here so a nacho break was a good idea. Why did Tajiri want to fight here though?
Rhyno would have to have neck surgery in late 2001, putting him out for over a year. We’ll pick things up in 2003 at Wrestlemania XIX where Rhyno is teaming with Chris Benoit in a Smackdown Tag Team Title match.
Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team
Haas and Benjamin are defending here. This is Benoit’s reward for having the match of the year against Angle two months earlier, followed by a feud with the freaking FBI while Kevin Nash got world title shots on PPV. I’m sure HHH has NOTHING to do with this right? It’s a big brawl to start until we get down to Benoit vs. Guerrero for a chop off. They collide in the middle of the ring with both guys going down. Rhyno comes in to face Eddie and gets two off a powerslam.
Off to Shelton who pounds Rhyno down before hitting an elbow to the face for two. Off to Haas for a double tag team by the champions on Rhyno. Rhyno throws Haas around with ease and it’s off to Benoit for more chops in the corner. A snap suplex gets two as does its belly to back cousin. Back to Rhyno vs. Benjamin as the announcers talk about Haas and Benjamin having stage fright.
Eddie comes in and dropkicks Rhyno down before it’s back to Benoit for more chopping on his fellow dead guy. Eddie snapmares him down and loads up the Frog Splash, only to have Benoit run over to the corner for some crotching and a superplex. Guerrero comes right back with a brainbuster for two as Haas breaks up the cover again. Off to Chavo who fires off some fast clotheslines to the champions, only to get caught in Rolling Germans by Benoit.
Benjamin comes in off a blind tag and superkicks Chris down for two. Eddie tags himself in and collides with Benoit to put both guys down. Shelton comes in to work on Benoit some more and a legdrop gets two. Eddie breaks it up with a Frog Splash but Chavo tags himself in, only to be suplexed down by Haas. Rhyno comes in for some Gores including one to Chavo, but Benjamin comes in (I have no idea if he was legal) and steals the retaining pin on Chavo.
Rating: C. The match was fine but it had no business being on Wrestlemania. This could have been on any given episode of Smackdown and no one would have noticed the difference. Rhyno and Benoit were just thrown together while the Guerreros were a regular team and former champions. Not bad here but not Wrestlemania worthy.
Rhyno would get back in the swing of things by the end of the summer, getting a US Title shot at Summerslam 2003.
US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno
Eddie is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Eddie has ticked off all three challengers so they all want to take him out. The champion bails to the floor so everyone else can fight and we quickly get down to Rhyno vs. Benoit. Chris hooks a quick Crossface, drawing Eddie in for the save. Tajiri is back in as well but Eddie breaks up a cover. Everyone is in now and all three challengers go after Eddie at the same time.
Rhyno hits a running shoulder to Eddie’s ribs in the corner and powerslams him down for two but Benoit comes back with a German suplex. A belly to back gets two on Tajiri but Eddie makes another save. Benoit is suplexed to the floor and Eddie is left alone with Tajiri, only to have the challenger monkey flip Eddie down for two. Rhyno comes back in and sends Tajiri to the floor but Benoit wants to beat up Eddie himself, triggering a brawl between challengers.
Rhyno gets control again and superplexes Eddie down for two but Tajiri kicks him in the back of the head. Tajiri snaps off the handspring elbow for two on Chris but Rhyno sends Tajiri to the floor, only to have Eddie headscissor him out to the floor. Eddie hurricanranas Benoit out of the corner for two and it’s Tajiri in again for some hard kicks. Eddie hooks the Lasso From El Paso (Liontamer crossed with the Texas Cloverleaf) on Tajiri but Benoit stops Rhyno from making the save with the Crossface.
Tajiri makes the ropes so Eddie turns around to dropkick Benoit in the head for the save. Benoit grabs the Crossface on Guerrero but Rhyno and Tajiri make the double save. Rhyno hits a spinebuster for two on Tajiri but Benoit knocks Rhyno to the floor. Chris rolls some Germans on Tajiri but Tajiri reverses into one of his own for two on Benoit.
Tajiri catches a charging Benoit in the Tarantula and the distraction lets Eddie get the US Title to shield himself from Rhyno’s Gore. Tajiri breaks up the Frog Splash but gets caught in the Tree of Woe. Benoit Swan Dives Rhyno but Tajiri makes a last second save. Tajiri and Benoit fall to the floor and Eddie frog splashes Rhyno to retain.
Rating: B+. This was non-stop action for about eleven minutes and incredibly entertaining as a result. It’s a great example of how wrestling and action can be so much more interesting than whatever drama the McMahons have going on at the moment. Watching these four make save after save is WAY more fun than hearing about Bischoff forcing himself on Linda or Stephanie being FURIOUS with Sable over whatever affair her dad is having this month.
We’ll skip 2004 as Rhyno was stuck in the lower card. Instead we’ll move forward to 2005 where Rhyno went to TNA and was put in the main event scene almost immediately. He would receive a World Title shot at Unbreakable.
NWA World Title: Raven vs. Rhyno
This is No DQ and Raven is defending. Raven brings in his shopping cart full of weapons as is his custom. The weapons are brought in almost immediately and Rhyno bails. He finds a kendo stick from somewhere but stalls more anyway. Raven’s Rules include falls count anywhere apparently. They both have sticks and it’s time for a duel. I don’t think Thesz and Brisco ever did anything like that other than that one show in Boston back in 63. Rhyno knocks him down and chokes with something we can’t see. Apparently it was a nunchuck.
Raven comes back with a pizza cutter to bust Rhyno open. The fans chant that they want pizza. WELL GO BUY IT YOU FREAKING TIGHTWADS! You didn’t pay for a ticket so go buy yourselves a slice! They head to the floor and Raven rams him into a keg. WHY IS THERE A BEER KEG? Either way Rhyno is busted open and Raven finds a ladder. Rhyno hits him with the keg and Raven hits him with the kendo stick. Some cane shots to the back get two.
Raven puts on an ankle lock but Rhyno makes a rope. He slugs Bird Boy to the floor and pops him in the back with a chair a few times. Back inside and Raven is busted open by a garbage can shot. Rhyno does a Joe Face Wash in the corner but Raven grabs the foot for the ankle lock again. Rhyno shrugs that off and pulls out the staple gun. He staples the head of Raven, right on the cut. They didn’t even do that back in Boston in 63.
Rhyno goes up but misses a splash, hitting a chair instead. They slug it out with Raven taking over via the discus lariat. A knee lift puts Rhyno down in the corner and there’s the bulldog for two. Rhyno fights back and here’s Cassidy Riley (Raven worshipper) to help but his distraction means Raven’s DDT only gets two. Rhyno sets up the ladder against a chair like a ramp and then pounds away in the corner on Raven in front of it. If you don’t know what’s coming here, you’re an idiot. That only gets two and both guys are spent.
Rhyno seesaws the ladder into Raven’s face and the champ is in even more trouble than he was before. That also gets two so Rhyno brings the shopping cart inside. This is starting to look like their Backlash 2001 Hardcore Title match which is a good thing. Raven rams him into the cart and avoids the Gore, sending it into the cart. That’s right out of the 01 match and here’s Jarrett. He loads up a belt shot but Jeff Hardy comes down to take the belt away. Raven DDTs Jarrett and Rhyno to retain.
Rating: B-. Decent brawl here but it was too messy for my tastes. Raven was a good champion but him being off TV makes him mostly forgotten. That’s a shame too because he breathed some fresh air into the main event scene. He would lose the title four days later in Canada at some other NWA event, likely because the NWA thought it was a good idea. Anyway, decent match but nothing great.
Rhyno would be entered into a gauntlet match at Bound For Glory 2005 for a shot at the World Title later in the night.
Gauntlet For The Gold
This is kind of like the Royal Rumble as everyone comes in after I think a minute and it’s over the top eliminations. The winner gets Jarrett immediately thereafter. Joe and Truth are the first two entrants. Oh ok these two go for two minutes and then every entrant is one minute. Got it. Truth dances for about 20 seconds to make fun of the Polynesian dance stuff earlier.
There’s no contact until 46 seconds in when Joe punches him in the face. Off to some Facewashes and the running boot. Truth pulls himself to the top and hits a Blockbuster. Downward Spiral puts Joe down and #3 is Sabu who can barely walk. He falls through the middle and bottom rope but has a chair. He BLASTS Truth with it and hits the triple jump moonsault on the same. Air Sabu hits Joe. Remember that there are only one minuet intervals from now on.
Joe throws the chair at Sabu’s legs and Lance Hoyt is in at #4. Joe no sells Hoyt’s punches but can’t no sell a big boot. Abyss is #5 who cleans house and has a staredown with Joe. They chop it out and Abyss grabs him for a chokeslam. Joe grabs HIM for a chokeslam, which is why Joe is awesome. And then Truth breaks it up because he likes to annoy me. Jeff Hardy is #6 and Sabu is busted open. No one has been eliminated yet.
Monty Brown is #7 and he’s limping for some reason. He Pounces Sabu and throws Hardy to the apron, but Hardy pulls him along with him to eliminate both guys. Abyss is almost out but he fights everyone off. #8 is Rhyno who also can barely walk. All of the Monster’s Ball people are in this. Rhyno easily clotheslines Hoyt out and we have five in and two still to go. Kip James (who didn’t wrestle earlier) is #9 and he cleans house. Fameasser to Abyss and AJ is somehow #10, meaning no Raven which is a surprise.
So we have Kip, AJ, Abyss, Joe, Sabu, Truth and Rhyno. AJ goes right after Abyss because he’s just that kind of guy. Apparently Sabu went out off camera somewhere so it’s down to six. Joe pounds on Kip and is the big crowd favorite. Things slow down a bit until AJ hits a big jumping kick to the head of I think Truth. Truth is put onto the apron but he hangs on. Kip charges like an idiot and goes out to get us down to five.
Pele puts Truth down and everyone is down. Abyss talks to Truth, calling him Ronnie. AJ throws Truth over but Kip holds him up from hitting the floor. And never mind as he goes out anyway. So it’s Rhyno, Abyss, AJ and Joe. There’s a solid tag match in there somewhere. AJ somehow explodes on Joe with forearms but gets caught in the choke next to the ropes. Abyss eliminates them both and apparently you win by over the top. Usually it’s a one on one match when it gets down to two. Gore to Abyss and Rhyno tosses him for the quick win.
Rating: C-. Considering that these guys had all fought tonight this wasn’t half bad. AJ had to be gassed after having to stop for about 10 minutes and then start up again. Raven belonged in there instead of freaking Billy Gunn but I think that was part of his feud with management so it made sense I guess. Still though, it was relatively short and the minute time limits weren’t so bad because there weren’t that many people in it.
And now the title match.
NWA World Title: Rhyno vs. Jeff Jarrett
Tito Ortiz is guest referee. Jarrett brings out a casket for no apparent reason. He jumps Rhyno before the belt even comes off and hits a dropkick to put Rhyno down. Out to the floor and Rhyno gets rammed into the announce table and then the casket. Back in a top rope clothesline puts Rhyno down again. He’s had zero offense at all so far. Another top rope clothesline puts the challenger down again so Jeff goes up a third time. Rhyno catches him in chokeslam position but instead throws Jeff into the air and kicks him in the balls.
Gail Kim comes out as the Gore misses. Gail goes up but jumps into the arms of Tito. She tries to slap him so she gets placed on the apron. Guitar shot misses but the second one hits Rhyno square in the face. Rhyno is busted open but it only gets two. Jarrett yells at Ortiz and AMW comes out. There’s another guitar but Ortiz drills both members of AMW. Rhyno Gores Jarrett down and pins him out of nowhere in I think his second offensive move of the match.
Rating: C. The match was nothing great but at the same time, this was Rhyno’s third match of the night and second in a row, plus there was no story to the match but that’s certainly beyond TNA’s control in this case. The match only ran about six minutes and Tito didn’t have much to do with it but again I’m assuming it made more sense with Nash in there. All things considered, this wasn’t bad.
After doing a bunch of meaningless hardcore stuff, Rhyno would get an important hardcore match at Bound For Glory 2006 against Christian Cage. They had been friends but Christian turned on him to set this up.
Christian Cage vs. Rhyno
This is an 8 Mile Street Fight which should be good. Rhyno comes through the crowd and goes straight through the entrance to meet Christian in the parking lot. Christian gets slammed onto a car and thrown into whatever Rhyno can find to throw him into. They climb onto a zamboni machine and Rhyno gets in the driver’s seat. He drives the machine with Christian on top into the arena. Rhyno climbs up to pound on Christian who falls off the machine.
Christian gets away down by the ramp and picks up a fake street lamp, only to get it ripped out of his hands and rammed into his chest. This is total domination so far. Rhyno throws in four chairs and hits Christian with a street lamp before Christian can get to one of the chairs. He loads up the Gore but Christian takes his head off with a chair shot. Rhyno shrugs that off and they go into the crowd with Christian running away even more.
After ramming Christian into some hockey glass they go back to the ring and Rhyno sets up a table at ringside. Back inside and Rhyno suplexes him down and puts up another table in the corner. Christian picks up an 8 Mile Road street sign and CRACKS Rhyno in the head with it. This is the first breather Christian has had. He goes to the floor and pulls out a ladder as Rhyno is busted open and might have another concussion. Christian charges with the ladder but Rhyno drop toeholds him into the ladder.
DDT gets two for Christian and they’re both spent. Rhyno is gone from the concussion and a ladder shot to the head makes it even worse. Christian goes under the ring again and comes up with a straightjacket and another chair. Rhyno gets tied up in the jacket and Christian grabs a pair of chairs to set up the Conchairto but Rhyno moves. Using just his legs and his head he tries a comeback and manages to get Christian down. The referee unhooks the jacket and they fight to the apron in front of the table.
Rhyno PILEDRIVES HIM THROUGH THE TABLE to put both guys down again. THAT gets two so Rhyno loads up the Gore, but Christian moves to send him through the table. It gets two, as does an Unprettier onto the metal part of the broken table. With no idea what else to do, Christian piles up everything on top of Rhyno and hits about eight chair shots onto the pile to crush Rhyno, which FINALLY gets the pin.
Rating: B+. I don’t say this that often, but that was AWESOME. I’m not a fan of the street fights, but this one was really intense with a feeling that someone had to do something big to get the win. The piledriver was awesome, as were the kickouts from Rhyno. Christian finally just pounding the tar out of Rhyno with everything he had until Rhyno couldn’t move an inch was a great finish. Loved this.
Next up was a feud with AJ Styles, with one of their first matches being a last man standing match (thanks Russo) at Final Resolution 2007.
AJ Styles vs. Rhyno
Last man standing but you have to get a pin before the count starts. AJ keeps stealing wins over Rhyno so somehow that means last man standing. Rhyno starts off fast and hammers away. This might be the PPV debut of AJ’s long tights. Rhyno busts out a tope and AJ is reeling early. AJ does his drop down into the dropkick spot. The fans seem split here. Rhyno Hulks Up and beats AJ back again.
AJ pulls the tape off his wrist but as Hebner throws it out, Rhyno takes a low blow. A springboard splash gets a pin and an eight count. AJ pounds him down but a charge results in Rhyno picking him up and dropping him onto the top rope snake eyes style. Out to the floor and AJ hits a flip dive. Quickly back into the ring and AJ gets two. AJ is the heel here but he’s still more popular than Rhyno.
AJ comes off the ropes with a forearm but jumps into a spinebuster for the pin. It only gets about seven. They circle each other and slug it out. Rhyno takes over and loads up a superplex but walks into a sunset bomb for two. TKO gets two for Rhyno. It’s Table Time but Styles manages to crotch Rhyno on the edge of it. Back in the springboard forearm only gets two.
Powerbomb puts AJ down but Rhyno walks into a Pele to put him down. A Gore out of nowhere kills AJ but Rhyno doesn’t cover. Another Gore kills him even deader for the pin and the ten count. That second one looked SICK. AJ could have gotten up but sat down to avoid a third Gore.
Rating: C+. Not bad but the going back and forth came a little too fast. You would see them go down and then be up seconds later. Also they didn’t get particularly violent at all, which makes me question why they went with this as the opener. It was good but you would expect more when you hear the words last man standing.
After a bad feud with James Storm about Rhyno’s alcoholism, Rhyno would go after the World Title again, getting a shot in King of the Mountain at Slammiversary 2008.
TNA World Title: Samoa Joe vs. Robert Roode vs. Booker T vs. Christian Cage vs. Rhyno
No one in history has come in as champion and left as champion. Nash is guest enforcer. Everyone gets a video on their way to the ring so this takes a LONG time. Now let’s have big match intros. The entrances for this match have been going over ten minutes already. Nash is the referee holding the belt and we’re FINALLY ready to go. It’s a big brawl all around to start with Rhyno and Christian working on Roode and Booker fighting Joe in the ring.
Scratch the in the ring part as they’ve switched places. Rhyno and Christian destroy Roode with a lot of double teaming but here’s Booker. Booker shoves Christian off the top to the floor and he’s holding his knee. The axe kick and Gore both miss and here’s Joe again to fight Rhyno. Joe gets a running boot and a backsplash for two as Roode makes the save. Roode tries a flying clothesline but Joe just steps to the side. I still love that.
Christian is back in now and the knee looks ok. He hits an inverted DDT on Roode but gets struck down by Joe. Scoop powerslam gets two for Joe. He ties the Canadian in the Tree of Woe and hammers away and is in total control here. Booker trips him up and pulls him to the floor, pounding away out there. Booker comes back in and meets Rhyno with a Book End for a pin. Booker is now eligible to hang the belt and Rhyno is in the box for two minutes.
He’s got the belt now and Nash isn’t happy. The ladder is brought in and Christian hits a baseball slide to send it into the faces of Booker and Joe. Christian sends Roode over the top and here’s Rhyno out of the box. He and Christian go at it even though they’re friends. Rhyno loads up the Gore but Joe trips him up and crotches him against the post. Joe is like screw it and hits a spinning dive to take out Rhyno, Booker and Roode all at once.
Christian is like I can top that and goes on top of the box and dives off to take out all four of those guys. Christian channels his inner Dudley and sets up a table on the floor. Back in the ring Captain Charisma has the ladder but Roode gets a chair from somewhere and pops it against the ladder into Christian’s head for the pin. Roode and Booker are now eligible. Less than thirty seconds later, Rhyno rolls up Roode to become eligible too.
Nash beats up Roode to make sure that he gets in the box along with Cage. Rhyno goes up with the belt but Booker makes the save. Joe hooks a cobra clutch on Booker and Cage is freed from his namesake. He goes on top of the penalty box and hits a frog splash onto Booker to become eligible and send Booker to the box. Roode is out as well. Quick recap: Everyone but Joe is eligible and Booker is in the box.
Roode goes up but Joe suplexes him off the ladder. Now Christian goes up and is taken right down with a big cutter off the ladder. Gore hits Joe and everyone is down. Booker is out of the box and can’t even stand up. Ok maybe he can as he grabs the belt and blasts Nash and Rhyno and Joe and Roode. Down goes Christian too, leaving Booker as the only person conscious. Since he’s mostly a heel though, he stops for a Spinarooni.
Nash comes into the ring and powerbombs Booker off the ladder. That makes sense given that he was provoked. Joe tries a MuscleBuster on Christian but he escapes. Joe knocks Christian through the table from earlier as Roode sets up the ladder. Roode goes up but Joe takes him down with a MuscleBuster. Joe immediately goes up and hangs the belt to retain. That was a fast ending but it was effective and smart.
Rating: B-. This wasn’t a classic or anything but it was a pretty solid King of the Mountain match. I don’t think many people were thinking Joe would lose here, namely due to a lack of an A-List challenger outside of maybe Booker or Christian. The idea here was how does Joe win it and he did a good job of that here. Pretty fun match despite the traditional insane rules this match has.
One more title shot, from Genesis 2009.
TNA World Title: Sting vs. Rhyno
Sounds like a weak superhero comic. I still don’t like these tales of the tape. Why do we need to be told again what the main points here are? Also why isn’t this the main event? Oh that’s right: there are more old guys and D-Von in the main event. Rhyno is holding his back, has tape around his head and has blood on his face. He couldn’t even just wash his face?
Rhyno jumps him when the coat is still on. NO reaction for Rhyno shouting to the crowd as this is a very Sting crowd. Rhyno as usual has the Detroit Tigers D on his back which always comes off as cool to me. Cue people suggesting the Guns should join him because it would be AWESOME. The tape is off of Rhyno’s head. About two or three minutes in Sting gets his t-shirt off.
He throws on a bearhug, which isn’t something you would imagine him using. This however is smart as Rhyno’s back is hurt so Sting goes after it. This is a great example of what I always talk about: psychology. Sting’s finishing hold works on the legs and back and Rhyno has a bad back. It would make no sense for Sting to go after Rhyno’s arm would it? Working on his injured back makes sense though. That’s a fine example of psychology.
Belly to belly by Rhyno gets two after he breaks out of the hold. GORE out of nowhere and it gets no reaction at all. Sting hits the floor and I’m puzzled as to the lack of reaction. Rhyno goes up top and misses a splash and there’s the Scorpion. Ever since the late 90s Sting has never really done this move the same. He’s always kind of leaning over Rhyno instead of sitting down. I’ve never gotten why either but it just doesn’t look nearly as effective as it could be otherwise.
Fans loudly booing Rhyno now. He goes for the Gore but his back gives out and Sting hits the Death Drop to retain. I’m still trying to understand the crowd here as they were just completely anti-Rhyno the whole time. Again, and please Vince Russo pay attention: PEOPLE LIKE STING. No matter who you put against him or what you do with him, the people love him.
Rating: D. This would be an ok match on TV or something, but for a PPV, this was very bad. This is supposed to be the match that the title is for on PPV? People were supposed to pay to see this? It could have been an ok match but I don’t get why they had to do the injury angle and such. It just wasn’t entertaining on a PPV main event level. Just didn’t do it at all.
Since TNA is TNA, they decided to have an ECW reunion in 2010. Rhyno was on the card at Hardcore Justice.
Brother Runt vs. Al Snow vs. Rhyno
Runt is Spike Dudley of course and is nearly bald. This is elimination rules and better not break 8 minutes. Spike hits a dive that is ok after some basic stuff. He plays the role of the pinball of course and I still wonder what Snow has to do with this. Snow hits the trapping headbutts on Rhyno. TNA guys are watching in the back. Why they’re here is beyond me because they’re not wrestling.
Acid Drop to Rhyno is blocked and this needs to end fast. We’re on the floor again and you actually can’t see due to the lighting. The referee goes down and Head drills Rhyno. Spike does the Eddie chair thing by slamming the mat with it and throwing it to Rhyno. He and Snow do the same thing so they’re all down. Oh my head hurts. Acid Drop ends Snow and then the Gore ends the whole thing.
Rating: D. I like Snow but this was just bad. There’s a reason these guys retired: THEY AREN’T THAT GOOD ANYMORE. Rhyno is ok at best and he’s the biggest star by far in this. At least he won I suppose, but this was just random with no point at all. Well at least it’s over and wasn’t that long.
Rhyno would be gone by the end of the year and hit the indies. One stop was JCW and Bloodymania V.
Rhyno vs. Kongo Kong
No countout or DQ. Apparently Kongo has lost over 90lbs since the video was made because he’s billed as 410lbs here and was said to be over 500lbs in the video. Kong is a savage or something close to one. Kong immediately clotheslines him down but Rhyno pops back up. Rhyno hits a decent belly to belly given how fat Kong is but Kong pops back up. Kong misses a charge and flips over the top rope to the floor in a surprising display of balance.
Rhyno dives onto Kong but loses a slugout on the floor. Back in and the fat man (Kongo if you’re not familiar with Rhyno, which makes me wonder why you’re reading this) pounds away and we get the required nerve hold. Rhyno Hulks Up and finally knocks Kong down with shoulders. The Gore hits….for two? I didn’t see that coming. A second Gore again only gets two but the third one hits the buckle, giving Kongo a rollup win out of nowhere.
Rating: D. Kong is a big guy but there’s nothing more to him than that. Also, why would you have a monster come off looking like he can only win on a fluke? Kicking out of two Gores was a nice surprise as the Gore is a very famous finisher. This was short which helped a bit but it didn’t work that well due to Kong being unable to do much.
The next stop was ROH and Rhyno fought at Border Wars 2012 as a mercenary.
Eddie Edwards vs. Rhyno
Before the match, Truth Martini says that Rhyno is a hired mercenary and the newest member of the House of Truth. We got that from the video we just saw. He’s here to clear the path to the world title for Michael Elgin and Roderick Strong by Goring everyone in his way. The fans are of course split because what would an ROH crowd be without annoying chants from the start of the show?
Edwards starts with a wristlock followed by an armdrag into an armbar as we seem to be in for a long match here. Rhyno powers him into the corner and pounds away before running Edwards over with a shoulder block. Edwards fights out of the corner with some chops and a rana to put Rhyno down, followed by a baseball slide to send Rhyno into the barricade. The cameraman goes down somewhere in there and Eddie is a bit stunned. Rhyno hits a HARD shoulder to the ribs in the corner and Edwards is in big trouble.
McGuinness starts talking about fast moving sperm and thankfully Kevin ignores him. Eddie comes back with a quick enziguri, only to be picked up and throws over the top and out to the floor with a loud THUD. Back in and Rhyno stays on the ribs in a smart move. The audio keeps slipping in and out. Off to a bearhug by Rhyno as at least he’s using psychology here. Rhyno loads up another gorilla press but Edwards escapes out and hooks a quick German suplex to put both guys down.
Eddie fires off some chops and superkicks the leg, followed by something close to a Shining Wizard for a close two. The fans are split again because this is REAL WRESTLING, where you cheer for the heels. Edwards avoids a charge to send Rhyno to the floor before hitting an Asai Moonsault, hurting his ribs again in the process. Back in and Edwards hits a missile dropkick for two but walks into a belly to belly suplex. The Gore is blocked with a dropkick and Truth Martini gets up on the apron. He holds up the Book of Truth (foreign object) in the corner but Rhyno has to stop before hitting it, allowing Edwards to roll him up for the pin.
Rating: C+. Nice basic match here with Edwards selling the ribs…..sometimes. He more or less stopped doing anything with them after they got back inside the ring but at least before that things were going well. Rhyno was his usual self here with nothing out of character for him at all. Then again, that’s probably a good thing for a guy like him. Edwards is still rather uninteresting though.
We’ll wrap it up there as there wasn’t much else in ROH for Rhyno and I really don’t want to go through his time in House of Hardcore and Extreme Rising. Rhyno has never been the top guy in a promotion, but he’s a great gatekeeper, meaning he’s a good feud for someone to have before they move onto something bigger. It’s similar to Kane in WWE. Rhyno is a big one dimensional at times, but he’s solid in that dimension.
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Thought of the Day: Your Time Is My Time
Concerning Rock, Lesnar, Undertaker, RVD etc.One of the most common criticisms about wrestlers such as these is that they’re part timers and shouldn’t be given top spots. My reaction to this: why in the world shouldn’t they be?
Here’s the thing about guys like this: yeah they’re part timers, but they sell tickets. WWE is supposed to stick with their people that don’t do as well instead of someone like Brock who is a guaranteed draw because of some loyalty? That’s great. They can be loyal the whole time business goes down because they don’t want to offend the feelings of some of their employees.
Look at Punk for example. Yeah he worked hard for a year as champion and had a very entertaining run. That’s all well and good, but Rock sells more tickets and merchandise than him with relative ease. WWE would be foolish to stick with Punk because he had been there all this time instead of going with Rock who can make them a lot more money in a hurry.
This part timers shouldn’t get pushed theory comes off like some of the markiest stuff in the world. It’s a business people, and if the part timers do the most business then that’s what we’re going to get. That’s WWE’s thinking and it’s very logical and successful.
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: April 28, 2014
Raw this week was again about pushing the major stories as we get closer to Extreme Rules. However there was another story aside from the two main events that blew the doors off this week. There wasn’t much wrestling but there was an old drunk guy that embarrassed himself yet again, meaning he’ll be invited back for years. Let’s get to it.
We kick things off with a bang as John Cena comes into the cage opening the ring. Cena isn’t sure what to think as the fans have seemingly turned their backs on him last week when they put him in a three on one handicap match against the Wyatt Family. It was a match he couldn’t win and the fans gave him no chance. Cena wanted to know why the fans supported someone who didn’t have his passion and warns them that if Bray wins on Sunday, his message will soon take over the world. Then the crazy started.
The lights went out and a group of children could be heard singing He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands. The lights came back on and it was indeed a choir of children all in black. Bray came out with the lantern as the children surrounded the ring and kept singing. The lights came on again and they were all wearing the masks and saying Bray had the whole Cenation in his hands. One of the kids sat on Bray’s lap as he evily laughed and the camera zoomed in on the kid’s mask. Cena was completely distraught throughout the whole thing.
Where do I even begin with this? It was a genuinely disturbing sign and potentially opens the door for a lot of ideas. What does Cena do when Bray has power over the group of fans he loves the most turns on him? What does Cena do when everyone is booing him? What do you do with a man has the power to control children? I have no idea, but I’m really curious to see where this goes. One thing is clear though: under no circumstances can Cena win at Extreme Rules. I can defend a lot of Cena’s booking but there’s no real way to say that’s the right move.
The Usos defeated Ryback/Curtis Axel in a Tag Team Title match. The story here was that one of the Usos (by the way, no it doesn’t matter which it was. They’re the same guy for all intents and purposes) hurt his ankle and couldn’t move as well in the second half of the match. That’s fine for a story, but when you tag him in and he’s just fine and can do all the things he normally does, the story doesn’t mean anything. He was throwing superkicks and dives like his ankle was fine, so why even bother doing the angle at all? That’s the kind of stupid thinking that drives me insane.
Adam Rose debuts next week. That should be awesome even if it’s just a squash.
Heyman told Cesaro not to listen to people saying he’s a liar, because he’ll get Cesaro to the top. This is still in the seed planting stages but the harvest will be awesome.
Sheamus beat Titus O’Neal in a 35 second match. This is another good example of how awful Sheamus’ booking has been lately. Titus attacked him and had Sheamus in trouble, but Sheamus just popped up and won with a single move. Would it really kill them to have Sheamus lost a single match or to actually show some weakness? I honestly don’t get this booking at all and I haven’t for months.
The Hugh Jackman/Damien Sandow/Dolph Ziggler stuff just kind of happened. Jackman is cool when he’s out there and I like that they actually tied it into his previous appearance. Sandow as Magneto actually made me chuckle and that’s the idea of the segment. Someone in the WrestleZone live discussion pointed out that Sandow was destined for comedy and the more I think about it, the more I completely agree. Sandow explaining science and math to people has potential though.
Cesaro beat Swagger in a meaningless match. I did like him winning with a German suplex instead of the Neutralizer though. It’s always nice to see people mix stuff up. Heyman pulling Zeb’s mustache for a distraction was long overdue though.
Alberto Del Rio squashed Cody Rhodes to further the Rhodes Brothers split. Nothing to see here as usual but it was fine.
Rusev and Woods had an angle disguised as a match. The squash should work fine at Extreme Rules, just like it did for Brock against the Hardy Boys at Judgment Day back in 2002, and yes I know that was a handicap match but his partner was Heyman so we’ll call it a handicap match.
3MB actually won a match against Los Matadores. The main thing here was the announcement of the Wee-LC match on Sunday’s pre show. I still don’t like the Horny vs. Torito feud but them playing it so over the top actually makes it much easier to sit through rather than them just playing it as a boring match that no one cares about.
Stephanie’s apology to Bryan was about what you would expect it to be. I’m surprised at how natural Brie Bella being out there with Daniel feels. The fact that they’re married in real life helps a lot though as I’m not waiting on them to break up at the drop of a hat for a storyline. Stephanie playing it serious is interesting but I think we all know it’s another ruse.
This led directly into Brie facing Paige for the Divas Title in another angle disguised as a match. Kane interfered about two and a half minutes in and tried to kidnap Brie but Bryan made the save. I liked that he sent Brie to the back like someone logically would do, but she came back and almost got pulled under the ring anyway. Bryan getting laid out again works fine and the match on Sunday should be pretty solid. The post break stuff with Brie screaming at Stephanie actually worked. The Bellas are still annoying but Brie seems far more like a human than her sister.
Cena gave a serious promo (odd line about Bray riding a mule aside) about Bray that made it sound like he’s going to war. This is the Cena I can get behind, but again he has to lose on Sunday.
Barrett beat RVD in a very obvious ending to a better than expected match. The post match stuff sets up RVD vs. Cesaro vs. Swagger on Sunday, which almost has to go to Cesaro.
The big segment to almost end the show was Ric Flair returning to Raw to talk about how great Evolution was. The surprise was that he wound up endorsing Shield before walking out. However, the interesting part here was that Flair was clearly drunk, as is almost always the case. How in the world this is considered ok in WWE’s eyes is beyond me, as anyone else that showed up like this would be fired almost immediately.
The main event was Orton vs. Reigns which didn’t last long and ended with everyone running in for a DQ. Evolution looked do destroy Shield to end the show but Shield fought back and stood tall to end things in a nice surprise.
This was another Raw that would have been a classic if it was only two hours long. The middle hour just crippled it though and even a good third hour wasn’t enough to make the save. It also didn’t help that nothing was going to top that Wyatt segment, which is often the case around WWE anymore. I’m ready for Extreme Rules though and that’s the most important thing a go home show can do.
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Monday Night Raw – April 22, 2014: The Honeymoon Is Over
Monday Night Raw
Date: April 21, 2014
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
Things should pick up a bit before Extreme Rules tonight as the roster is back from Saudi Arabia and Daniel Bryan is back from his honeymoon. The interesting question now is what happens with the World Title situation as Evolution vs. Shield is taking over the main event scene and leaving Bryan in the dust. This rings of Chris Benoit back in 2004 but Benoit was nowhere near as over as Bryan is now. It’s going to be a great test either way though. Let’s get to it.
Here’s the champ to open the show and for once, Brie Bellaelson is in the ring for a YES chant. Well she’s certainly a better looking cheerleader than Bryan. They chant together until Stephanie and her horrible song interrupts. Stephanie congratulates Bryan on winning the title at Wrestlemania and getting married in the same week. The newlyweds talk about how amazing and simple their ceremony was but Stephanie has a present for them: a title defense against Kane at Extreme Rules.
Stephanie recommends that Brie get out of the ring because here comes the Big Fried Freak. Or at least his music as there’s no Kane. Bryan slowly backs Brie to the floor and Kane pops up to choke Daniel. Stephanie says that’s enough as Kane stalks Brie. Bryan tries to fight back and sends Kane into the steps but the monster rams him into the barricade.
We actually get a tombstone on the floor and here are EMTs to save Bryan. As usual this is a bad idea with Kane around as he breaks up the stretcher and tombstones Bryan on the steps in a SICK landing. Bryan is put on the stretcher again but Kane picks him up and gives him a third tombstone onto the table which DOESN’T BREAK. Bryan is DONE as we go to a break.
Back from a break and Daniel is being taken out of the ring on a stretcher as Stephanie offers her condolences and holds up the titles. Those replays make things look even more sick.
Intercontinental Title #1 Contenders Tournament Semi-Finals: Bad News Barrett vs. Sheamus
Barrett does his usual schtick before the match. Sheamus gets pounded into the corner to start but comes back with forearms of his own followed by the rolling fireman’s carry. Some more foreams put Barrett on the floor and Sheamus DIVES off the top with a cross body in a cool looking spot. Back in and Barrett fights out of the ten forearms before kicking
Sheamus off the apron as we take a break.
We come back with the guys still brawling and Sheamus hitting the ten forearms and top rope shoulder for two. Irish Curse gets the same but Barrett grabs the Winds of Change for two of his own. Barrett loads up the Bull Hammer but Sheamus ducks under and hits White Noise for an even closer near fall. They slug it out and a Cactus Clothesline puts both guys down on the floor. Barrett gets back in and Sheamus gives chase, only to charge into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 10:32.
Rating: C+. Take two big strong guys and let them beat the tar out of each other for ten minutes at a time. That’s a BIG win for Barrett as well, who is amazingly getting over with a strong character and a good finisher on top of that. Sheamus is going to be fine no matter what happens to him, arguably making him far more valuable than he was as World Heavyweight Champion.
Bo Dallas vignette.
Hugh Jackman is guest hosting Raw next week so we look at him helping Zack Ryder helping beat Dolph Ziggler in September 2011.
Pick Cena’s opponent tonight: Luke Harper, Luke Harper/Erick Rowan, Luke Harper/Erick Rowan/Bray Wyatt.
We’ve got Wyatts. Bray says he remembers the first time he was struck with truth. It tasted bitter but he loved the intensity of how real it was. Free will has become man’s biggest illusion. It’s promised to you just in time to take it away again. What has it given you? Nothing but a nation full of sheep led by wolves and owned by pigs. Tonight would be a wonderful night for change though because the power is in the fans’ hands. Tonight free will does exist and John Cena will learn the truth.
The truth is they stand against him, whether it be either of the brothers, in a steel cage, or inside your own mind. At Extreme Rules, two monsters will enter but on this night it will not matter which one has the sharpest teeth or the sharpest claws. One thing will remain the same: they do not love Cena anymore because Bray is taking them with him every single time they cross paths. Bray leads the fans in He’s Got The Whole Worlds In His Hands and tells the brothers to sing. Awesome moment.
Los Matadores/El Torito vs. 3MB
It’s Hornswoggle/Mahal/McIntyre here. McIntyre and Diego get things going but it’s quickly off to the little guys to continue this horribly pointless feud. They slug it out until Torito takes him down with a headscissors followed by a spinning springboard headbutt. Drew breaks up the pin and wants a piece of Torito but it’s Slater taking a gore between the legs for his efforts. Torito gets picked up but kicks Drew low, allowing the masked men to pick him up for a double belly to back suplex plus a seated senton from Torito for the pin at 2:50. For the love of all things good and holy, not at Extreme Rules.
We look back at Evolution beating up Shield last week.
Evolution arrives.
Here’s Evolution with something to say. HHH can barely talk due to what sounds like a bad sore throat so it’s quickly off to Orton to brag about how awesome Evolution is. We get a video on Evolution with a few shots of Flair thrown in for history’s sake. Batista brags about the number of titles the three of them have and says Shield has nothing to brag about. Cue the Hounds of Justice but Evolution immediately bails.
Ambrose says that they’ve lost fights before and they’re not humbled this week. He says there’s a reason HHH hired them to protect HHH and Orton. They are the meanest, nastiest, dirtiest animals in this industry. These dogs are hungry and ready to fight. Rollins says they have every right to be angry after what happened when Evolution had twelve other guys around them. In two weeks at Extreme Rules it’s Evolution vs. the Hounds of Justice in an all out war.
Then there’s nowhere for them to run and all three members of Evolution is going to be looking out for themselves. At Extreme Rules, Evolution is ripped to pieces and the reunion comes to an abrupt halt. HHH put a nail in his own coffin and the Shield is the hammer that drives it home.
Reigns says last week Evolution gave them an ultimatum. This week they have one for Evolution. In a few seconds he’s dropping this mic and coming up the stage for a fight. Evolution can try to fight like men, or they can cower away and hide. Here comes the Shield and here’s the midcard to stand in front of Evolution. HHH says it’s option three: adapt or perish.
We look at the opening segment again.
New Adam Rose vignette.
Network plug.
Usos vs. Rhodes Brothers
Non-title with Ryback/Axel on commentary. Jey and Goldust get things going with a feeling out process and the golden one getting taken down. Off to Cody tho gets taken down as well while Ryback tells a story about his dad tending bar for Curt Hennig and Razor Ramon back in the AWA days. Totally random but interesting.
Back to Goldust who takes over on the arm and rams it into the mat for some control. Ryback talks about how he’s been watching Goldust for nineteen years now which is a totally fair argument against him. In a very sudden ending, a superkick takes down Goldust and another is good for the pin on Cody at 3:10.
Rating: D+. This was much more of a story than a match and it looks like the Rhodes Brothers are wrapping up as a team now. To be fair it’s not like they’ve done anything in a few months now so they might as well be split up with the division actually having some depth now. Ryback was interesting on commentary to say the least.
Cody and Goldust shove each other post match and here comes the split. Ryback/Axel jump the Usos as well.
Emma vs. Layla
A distraction from the guys lets Layla take over quickly and she stomps Emma down in the corner. Layla cranks on both of Emma’s arms and mocks the dance a bit as Fandango leads cheers. Emma takes Layla down as Santino lays out Fandango with the Cobra. Emma pulls out a cobra of her own and layls out Layla for the pin at 2:20. Again, NO MORE OF THIS.
The cobras want each other post match.
The announcers talk about Legends House.
John Cena says it’s up to the WWE Universe tonight. We get the dueling chants and he thinks Bray might have everyone in his hands.
Intercontinental Title #1 Contender Tournament Semi-Finals: Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam
Before the match we see Heyman talking about his clients and going on about Lesnar conquering the Streak. We take a break and come back with him still ranting about it until RVD’s music cuts him off. Feeling out process to start with Van Dam’s kicks being caught into a big slam for two as the announcers debate how great a manager Heyman really is. A middle rope kick to the face drops Cesaro but he comes back with a nice suplex for two. Rob misses a charge into the post and Cesaro kicks him even further into the post as we take another break.
Back with Van Dam’s sunset flip being countered by a jumping stomp to the chest for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Rob comes back and kicks Cesaro in the head to escape. A hard clothesline and kick to the face set up Rolling Thunder for two. The Five Star is broken up by a STIFF uppercut but another kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault from Rob for another near fall. Yet another spinning kick misses and Cesaro hits a running uppercut to the back of the head and rolls Rob to the mat.
They slug it out and a rolling cradle gets two for Van Dam, only to have Cesaro nail a tiger bomb for an even closer two. Cesaro loads up the Swing but here are Swagger and Colter for a distraction. Van Dam gets in another kick to send Cesaro outside and Swagger comes for a closer look. Rob tries to dive at them but jumps into a sweet uppercut to the jaw from Cesaro. Rob is thrown back inside as Swagger posts Cesaro, allowing for the countout to send RVD to the finals at 13:19.
Rating: B-. Good stuff here with the styles working together perfectly here. The ending was somewhat predictable as you already had Barrett waiting in the finals for the winner. At least the match was good getting there and Barrett should be a lock to win next week. Good match here and far better than I was expecting.
Post match Cesaro goes to swing Colter but has to settle for Swagger instead.
We look at Bryan getting destroyed again.
Cesaro and Heyman come up to RVD in the back and say Colter and Swagger won that match for Van Dam. Rob suggests Cesaro stay as far away from Heyman as possible.
Paige vs. Aksana
Non-title again. The announcers immediately start hyping up Tamina as a tough Diva as Paige throws Aksana across the ring by the hair a few times. Aksana comes back with some choking and throws Paige down as the announcers make fun of Aksana’s very notable tan. She crawls around on the mat but Paige slams her into the mat over and over again to take over. A series of clotheslines has Aksana in trouble but she comes back with a throw, apparently supposed to be a spinebuster. Paige comes back with a guillotine choke and some knees to the head, setting up the Scorpion Cross Lock for the submission at 4:42.
Rating: D+. I’m feeling sorry for Paige as they keep putting her in there with this chick. Aksana is gorgeous and looks great with the dark hair, but at the end of the day she just can’t do it in the ring. The crawling around stuff looks stupid and the whole thing isn’t working at all. Therefore, let’s use HER to get Paige over because that’s playing to Paige’s strengths right?
Alexander Rusev vs. Sin Cara
Truth/Woods vs. Rusev at the PPV which should cement the ending here. Cara fires off his chops but gets caught in mid air, setting up the knees against the ropes and fall away slam to the masked man. Some jumping knees in the corner drop Sin Cara as Lana is very pleased. Sin Cara actually gets two off a sunset flip and staggers the Bulgarian with a Tajiri elbow. A kick to the head and missile dropkick put Rusev in the corner but Alexander just runs him over. An overhead suplex drops Sin Cara and the Accolade gets the submission at 2:59.
The 3-1 handicap match wins the poll with 53%. Harper on his own got a very surprising 39% with the 2-1 getting less than 10%.
John Cena vs. Wyatt Family
The Wyatts surround the ring to start before all three charge the ring at the same time. Cena is down so Bray calls them off as the bell rings. Harper gets us going and drives elbows into the back of Cena’s head to keep control. Off to Rowan who whips Cena into the corner but gets caught in a fallaway slam and it’s off to Bray. The leader of the Family dances with Cena for a bit before screaming loudly.
Back to Harper who gets caught by a Stinger Splash but runs John over with a hard elbow to the jaw. Cena muscles Harper over with a German suplex but Luke tags Rowan back in for more stomping. Harper quickly gets another tag but is almost caught in an STF. Rowan makes a fast save and Harper stays in to send Cena hard into the steps. Bray looks down and we take a break.
We come back to see Cena missing a cross body and falling out to the floor. John comes back in and runs over Harper but Bray easily counters a tornado DDT by PLANTING him with a release Rock Bottom. He hammers away and sends Cena shoulder first into the post. A headbutt rams Cena’s head into the steel again before Rowan comes back in to crush Cena’s skull a bit more.
John fights back but it’s back to Bray who loads up the spider walk. Thankfully Cena realizes how easy this is and runs him over with a clothesline to start his comeback. Cena starts his finishing sequence and hits the AA on Bray, only to have the Family come in for the DQ at 14:00.
Rating: C. The match was going fine ubt you knew there was no way this was having a clean finish. I’m not sure why you don’t have Cena take the loss here as it’s not like losing a handicap match here is a big deal. Bray needs to get the big win over Cena and hopefully that comes at Extreme Rules. Not bad but I don’t like the ending.
Post match the Wyatts beat Cena down and Bray hits Sister Abigail. He says in time, all things come to light before singing a bit more with his hand on Cena’s face to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. Some stuff got done tonight but the main event has more problems caused by real life. Daniel Bryan being written off TV again to deal with the sudden passing of his father (legitimate story and certainly worth missing some time) hurts things as he’s starting to lose some of the awesome heat he put together with Wrestlemania. That being said, the Shield vs. Evolution match is looking AWESOME and everything is going well there. The midcard scene was solid tonight as well so we’ll go with a good show that has some worrying issues.
Results
Bad News Barrett b. Sheamus – Bull Hammer
Los Matadores/El Torito b. 3MB – Double belly to back suplex/Top rope seated senton to McIntyre
Usos b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust – Superkick to Rhodes
Emma b. Layla – Cobra
Rob Van Dam b. Cesaro via countout
Alexander Rusev b. Sin Cara – Accolade
Paige b. Aksana – Scorpion Cross Lock
John Cena b. Wyatt Family via DQ when all three members were in the ring at the same time
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Intercontinental Tournament Brackets
The winner gets a shot at Big E. at some point in the future, likely Extreme Rules.
Here are the tournament brackets.
Mark Henry
Cesaro
Rob Van Dam
Alberto Del Rio
Sheamus
Jack Swagger
Dolph Ziggler
Bad News Barrett
Wrestlemania XXX Preview: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Basically if you’re on the roster and not on the show, you’re in this.The push seems to be for Big Show to win here, but it seems too easy for that to happen. I think they might go with Sheamus, but the interesting thing is who the last three entrants are. My money is on Rob Van Dam, someone we don’t care about, and Sami Zayn. That being said, the rumor is CM Punk returning and winning, but that doesn’t jive with the idea of him feuding with Austin as has been planned, as it would put him up against Hogan, which doesn’t work at all.
Most of the people simply aren’t going to win, but I’ll take Sheamus for the surprise win. This isn’t the Royal Rumble, meaning you can have 29 people gang up on Big Show at once. Granted that rarely works on big names, so I think he makes the final two or three but eats a Brogue Kick for an elimination. The match can be good if they let it work, but the entrances are either going to be all together or take about an hour and a half. This has the potential to suck but it could be fun if they build some drama. The last three entrants should be fun as well.
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