Today we’ve got a tag team for wrestler of the day. Actually scratch that. We have THE tag team for wrestler of the day: the Road Warriors.

And no, not Heidenreich. It’s just Animal and Hawk.

The team got its start as part of a large stable called the Legion of Doom but soon became a stand alone tag team with the same name. Their first stomping grounds were in Georgia Championship Wrestling which is where they were based when this first match took place, though this is during a visit to Mid-South. Based on the commentary, this comes from some point between July 24, 1983 and October 12, 1983.

Legion of Doom vs. Rick Rood/Art Crews

I think you know the first jobber, but the second is a territory guy who was the winner of Shawn Michaels’ first ever match. The Warriors charge the jobbers to start but Rick actually cranks away on the arm to take over early on. The jobbers take over on the arms until Hawk just DESTROYS Crews with hard forearms to the back. Animal comes in for a double clothesline that sends Art to the floor before a powerslam is enough to pin Crews. Not as squashy as I expected but the idea was clear.

The Road Warriors went north to the AWA and quickly won the Tag Titles there. Their squashes were awesome enough that they became faces through pure crowd reaction and they didn’t look back for years. Here’s one of their title defenses from SuperClash on April 20, 1985.

AWA Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Road Warriors

The Warriors are defending. This is Hayes/Gordy and they have their faces painted with the Confederate Flag. The champs clear the ring before the bell and are mad over because this is in Chicago. Hawk and Gordy start as Hayes walks around the field with people yelling at him. Hawk pounds on Terry so Terry heads off to bring in Hayes. Off to Animal as the Birds stall. Ok it’s Animal vs. Gordy.

The squashing continues with the Warriors taking their shots at Gordy. Michael comes back in again and gets pounded so much he crawls back to Gordy for a tag. Terry is like uh….not right now. Gordy finally wakes up and goes after the eyes before dodging a charging Hawk to send his shoulder into the post. Hayes comes back in and hits a side suplex for two. Piledriver by Gordy mostly works but Hawk doesn’t feel like selling that much.

Hayes goes up but Hawk slams him off the top but manages to tag before Hawk can. That’s kind of impressive. Gordy and Hawk collide but there’s the hot one to Animal. Hayes stays on the apron as Animal destroys Gordy, getting two off a powerslam. Everything breaks down and even Roberts and Ellering come in. Ellering gets dropped with a chair and Gordy accidentally pops Hayes. Powerslam to Hayes by Animal and a shoulder to Gordy looks to finish but Hayes comes off the middle rope with something around his hand to knock Animal out for the pin and the titles! The place is stunned.

Rating: D+. This one didn’t quite work either. The whole match was a mess and the ending was hard to follow due to everything going all nuts. The Warriors were still in the period where they would do nothing but run people over, which ran for about the next six or eight years. Bad match for the most part, but you know what’s coming.

Not that it matters though as Verne Gagne comes out and says hold on a minute. He reverses the decision and the Warriors get the titles back.

Soon after this it was off to the big time with the NWA where they entered and made it to the finals of the first ever Jim Crockett Senior Memorial Tag Team Tournament. Here’s that final match against Magnum T.A./Ronnie Garvin.

Crockett Cup Finals: Road Warriors vs. Magnum TA/Ronnie Garvin

All faces here. The winners also get a million dollars. Animal and Magnum get things going. We get some surprisingly quick stuff until Magnum takes over with a dropkick. Animal takes him down with a top wristlock and they trade arm work on the mat. Off to Hawk who puts on a chinlock….and they clip this match too. ARE YOU SERIOUS???? The whole show is about one freaking tournament and you give us a total of ONE MATCH THAT ISN’T CLIPPED??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

A middle rope splash misses and Garvin gets a small package for two. Off to Magnum who doesn’t have as much luck with Animal who stomps away on the US Champion. Off to Animal again and it’s chinlock time. Powerslam gets two as Magnum is in trouble. Magnum grabs the belly to belly for two as Hawk saves. Hot tag to Garvin and down he goes almost immediately.

Garvin tries an abdominal stretch on Hawk but punches Hawk instead. The problem with this is he punches Hawk so hard that he breaks his hand. I’m not sure if this is kayfabe or real but it doesn’t really matter either way as Animal hits a pretty weak clothesline on Garvin and gets a quick pin for the tournament win and the million bucks.

Rating: D+. Apparently Garvin’s hand was broken coming in. Imagine that: Ronnie Garvin does something stupid like HIT A GUY IN THE HEAD WHILE HE HAS A BROKEN HAND. Garvin’s team deserves to lose after that. This match was pretty boring and the ending didn’t help things at all. Nothing to see here other than the end of a long and boring show.

There’s another match that has to be mentioned just due to how famous it is around the time. It’s from Starrcade 1986 and it’s a scaffold match.

Midnight Express vs. Road Warriors

This is the scaffold match, meaning there’s a scaffold about fifteen feet above the ring and you have to knock your opponents off to win. The Express is Bobby Eaton and Dennis Condrey and they have Cornette and Bubba with them. On the other hand we have Hawk and Animal, the Road Warriors. These two were BEASTS who were basically indestructable and insanely popular.

Condrey thinks about going up to face the Warriors but climbs back down because he’s not that crazy. Cornette, who is legitimately terrified of heights, goes on a rant about how this isn’t civilized. Dennis and Bobby finally get up top and the punishment begins. The scaffold is maybe three feet wide and there are no railings on it at all so they can barely move up there. There are some railings at either end so at least there’s some safety up there.

The Express throws powder in the Warriors’ eyes to blind them which is pretty terrifying this high up. Hawk’s legs go over the edge but he crawls back up. Animal is laying down with one leg dangling over and Bobby winds up hanging from said leg. He manages to swing back over to the structure and climb back up as this continues. Condrey is cut open and tries to climb down the ladder but he gets rammed into the scaffold for his efforts by Hawk.

Condrey and Hawk get under the scaffold and kick at each other with Condrey trying to monkey bar away. Animal and Bobby join them and a few moments later the Express get kicked down, giving the Road Warriors the win. As someone who is scared of heights, my stomach can now calm down.

Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade as it’s hard to criticize them for moving around so slowly given the fear of potential death involved. There’s only so much you can do that high in the air with no safety rails and they did as much as they could have. The Road Warriors would move on to feuding with the Horsemen soon after this.

Post match we get the famous part of the match as Cornette goes up top and runs into Animal. Cornette tries to climb down and winds up hanging from the bottom of the scaffold. He drops down…and Bubba isn’t there to catch him. Jim lands on his legs and basically destroys both of them, causing him problems for the rest of his life. Cornette tries to shout to Bubba to carry him to the back because his legs don’t work but his legs are so destroyed that he can’t get his point across. Animal later said in interviews that it was the funniest thing he’s ever seen.

Soon after this the Road Warriors moved onto the highest profile feud of their careers: teaming with Magnum TA and Dusty Rhodes to fight the Horsemen. One of the biggest matches of that feud would be for the World Tag Team Titles against Arn Adnerson and Tully Blanchard in the Warriors’ hometown of Chicago at Starrcade 1987.

Tag Titles: Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard vs. Road Warriors

The Warriors are challenging in their hometown of Chicago. Arn and Hawk start things off with Hawk taking him down via a top wristlock. Anderson is sent to the floor for a staredown with the Warriors’ manager Paul Ellering. Off to Tully who is almost immediately sent to the floor. Animal will have none of this stalling though and sends him right back inside. Hawk pounds away even more and hits a dropkick for a quick near fall.

Off to Animal who catches Blanchard coming in off the top in a powerslam for another two count. Arn comes back in and manages to avoid a charge in the corner, only to have his head taken off by a clothesline from Animal. Blanchard tries to come in but gets punched right in the jaw as well. Both Horsemen try to go after Hawk, only to get clotheslined down for a near fall on Blanchard. Total dominance by the Warriors so far.

Back to Animal for a bearhug plus a right hand from Hawk. Animal drops Tully down and Blanchard goes bailing to the corner. A dropkick to the ribs puts Blanchard down again so he tags in Anderson. Animal has to chase Arn on the floor before coming back inside to gorilla press him down. A press slam on Tully by Hawk is broken up by Arn hitting Hawk in the knee and the Horsemen FINALLY take over.

Tully adds in a chair shot to Hawk’s knee on the floor and a DDT gets two for Arn back in the ring. Blanchard’s figure four is countered into a small package so Tully pounds on the knee a bit more instead. Arn’s spinning toehold is broken up but here’s Tully again for the figure four. For some reason he tags in Anderson with Hawk still in the hold, and it’s Anderson who gets crotched to allow the hot tag to Animal. Everything breaks down and Tully accidentally knocks the referee to the floor before Hawk throws Anderson the floor. Back in and there’s the Doomsday Device on Arn for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. This took awhile to get going but once the Road Warriors got rolling it got awesome in a hurry. They’re such a physical and dominant team that it’s almost impossible to not get fired up watching them. The leg work here by the Horsemen was much more interesting than say the arm work by Taylor, as they have the size and ability to make you believe the Warriors were in trouble.

Oh and scratch that title change because Anderson was thrown over the top, meaning the Warriors are disqualified and the Horsemen keep the belts. Say it with me: Dusty Finish. The fans boo this out of the building and with good reason. Who does this help? The Warriors look inept because they didn’t get the win, the Horsemen look like weak champions because they got pinned, and the fans are mad because at STARRCADE we can’t change the belts. Just a dumb idea all around.

With nothing else to do and still no NWA World Tag Team Titles, the Warriors turned heel and received a title match against the Midnight Express on October 29, 1988.

Tag Titles: Midnight Express vs. Road Warriors

It’s Bobby Eaton/Stan Lane here. The Warriors jump them to start and ram both champions face first into the post. We finally start with Lane firing off all his karate offense to slow down Animal as Hawk just beats the fire out of Eaton on the floor. Lane does everything he can in the ring and we finally get down to Animal starting for the challengers.

Cornette cheats for the champions to give Lane a breather but the Road Warriors easily pound him down to take over. A Hart Attack puts Stan down and Hawk adds a powerslam as Eaton can’t even get to his feet. Animal drops a series of elbows as Eaton falls off the apron in agony. A big shoulder block sends Lane flying to the corner and Bobby tags himself in and unloads on Animal in the corner. Animal totally no sells it and clotheslines Eaton’s head off for the pin and the titles in less than five minutes.

Rating: C-. If there’s a bigger squash than this it must be growing in a field somewhere. This was pure dominance with the Midnights having one quick flurry and nothing more in the entire match. This was about giving the Warriors the titles they had never been able to get before in as easy of a fashion as possible. Total destruction of the Midnights here.

Again the heel turn didn’t last long as the Warriors were so dominant that the fans loved their violence. Most of 1989 was spent beating up the Samoan Swat Team and the Skyscrapers so it was off to the WWF in 1990. Their first feud was against Demolition but the closest thing we ever got to a big showdown was in the opening match of the 1990 Survivor Series.

The Warriors vs. The Perfect Team

Ultimate Warrior, Texas Tornado, Legion of Doom

Mr. Perfect, Demolition

I guess this team isn’t as Ultimate as last year. This is the three man version of Demolition. Perfect is feuding with Tornado (Kerry Von Erich, the IC Champion) and the LOD is feuding with Demolition after the LOD cost them the titles. Warrior, the world champion, is there because he has nothing else to do. His team is in the back before the match and says they’ll win. Actually the name Warriors is appropriate as you have the Ultimate Warrior, the Modern Day Warrior (Von Erich’s nickname in WCCW) and the Road Warriors (the LOD’s NWA name).

I’ll never get why the LOD and Demolition never had a big proper match. They fought on house shows but that’s about it. Perfect immediately goes to the apron and lets part of Demolition start. It’s Animal vs. Smash first and they fight immediately with Animal taking him to the mat. Animal throws him into Hawk for a right hand and the other Warriors get in a shot as well.

Smash comes back with a powerslam for two and it’s off to Perfect. That doesn’t last long so here’s Smash again, and he walks right into a powerslam. Everything breaks down and the Warriors clear the ring. Tornado comes in to face Smash who is taking a beating in this so far. Off to Ax who has much better luck for about ten seconds. There’s the Claw http://purchasepropecia.net from Tornado but for some reason Warrior gets the tag and hits a series of awkward looking shoulder blocks before finishing Ax with the splash.

Crush immediately comes in to jump Warrior and take over. Smash comes in to slam Warrior and Crush drops a top rope knee for two. Perfect is freaking out in his trademark over the top style. Warrior gets up a boot in the corner and clotheslines Crush down. Off to Hawk who always looks like he could murder someone in the ring. Perfect tries him out and is immediately slammed down.

Hawk counters a reversal to send Perfect into the corner but Bird Man’s shoulder goes into the post HARD to give the evil ones the advantage. Demolition pounds away on him but Hawk punches right back. A big flying shoulder puts Smash down and Hawk doesn’t tag when he has the chance. The top rope clothesline kills Smash and everything breaks down. Hawk kicks the referee and somehow this disqualifies Hawk, Animal, Smash and Crush. We’re down to Perfect vs. Warrior/Tornado.

It’s going to be Warrior starting the handicap match but Perfect wants Tornado instead. Perfect immediately jumps him and is clotheslined out almost immediately after the jumping. Warrior bangs Perfect’s head into Heenan’s and sends Bobby into the front row. Tornado charges at Perfect and slams into the post to give Perfect the advantage for a bit. A buckle gets exposed somewhere in there and after Tornado’s face goes into it, the Perfectplex makes it one on one.

Perfect tries the Plex again on Warrior which doesn’t work at all. Instead he hammers Warrior down and hits a great looking dropkick for two. Having Perfect run things out there for as long as possible is the best idea they’ve got. Warrior starts grabbing the ropes and shrugging off all the offense from Perfect. A shoulder block and the splash get the final pin.

Rating: D. This was probably the worst Survivor Series match so far in the four years they’ve been running this show. Not only was the match lopsided from the start, but half of the people in it were gone seven minutes in. Perfect never had a chance and Warrior had no reason to be in this match at all.

The next step for the Warriors was obvious: the Tag Titles with their shot coming against the Nasty Boys at Summerslam 1991.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

The Nasties are defending and this is No Countout/No DQ, making it a street fight in modern terms. The champions are sent to the floor and the fight is on early. Back in the ring Animal hits a quick powerbomb on Knobbs for two followed by Hawk enziguring Sags down. We get down to the stupid tagging part of the street fight with Sags sending Hawk to the floor and hitting him with a bucket of water.

Back in and Knobbs works over Hawk in the corner before Sags sends him into the steps. A back elbow gets two for Knobbs and a top rope version gets the same for Sags. Brian goes up top again but jumps into Hawk’s boot, finally allowing for the hot tag off to Animal. Everything breaks down and Sags hits Animal in the back with Jimmy’s helmet for two. Hawk steals the helmet and lays out both Nasties, setting up the Doomsday Device on Sags for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This SUCKED as the street fight rule was barely used at all. It was little more than a few shots with the helmet when the referee wasn’t looking anyway. Hawk and Animal barely broke a sweat out there as they were already talking about the Natural Disasters earlier tonight instead of worrying about winning the belts. This win was a long time coming though.

The reign wouldn’t last long as they would drop the titles in an untaped match at a house show in February of 1992. It was clear that Hawk was about to go nuts due to personal issues and Vince wanted to get the belts off of them as fast as they could. After about six months away they would return in the fall, only to be gone again immediately after Summerslam when Hawk walked out.

After a few years in Japan it was back to WCW, where they participated in a Chicago Street Fight at Uncensored 1996 in Tupelo, Mississippi for the Tag Team Titles against one half of the champions Sting and his partner Booker T. Somehow this was the second most confusing match of the show.

Chicago Street Fight; Road Warriors vs. Booker T/Sting

Now say it with me: a Chicago street fight is happening in MISSISSIPPI. The idea here is that if Booker and Sting win here, Harlem Heat gets a title shot. I think the belts are on the line here but it’s never made clear, at least not so far. This is Booker’s dry run for a singles push, which obviously went well as he won his first TV Title a year and a half later. Yeah the NWO REALLY threw a lot of stuff off.

Naturally it’s a brawl to start and they’re already on the floor. We go split screen here which is a good idea. Granted then they have just two separate shots of the same thing and I continue to wonder how they stayed in business as long as they did. Tony must be drunk because he makes a good point, saying that these kinds of matches should have two referees. Aside from pointing out the stupidity of the higher ups with them allowing such an idiotic move, that’s very accurate.

Sting and Animal trade low blows on the post because that’s very normal. We switch back to the split screen, now complete with a graphic reminding us that this is the Chicago Street Fight. In yet another great moment from Bobby, he says that instead of covering someone that’s down, you go through his pockets and look for cash, jewelry, watches, etc. I love Heenan.

The wrestlers can apparently get away with murder, but they can get disqualified. I love wrestling. It’s Booker and Animal in the ring and Sting and Hawk, who is also an animal but whatever, with Sting in the aisle. Hawk can throw a freaking dropkick when he has to. That was impressive. Sting gets a chair and hits some absolutely laughably bad shots with it. However, they’re divine ones compared to the ones that Animal hits the faces with.

How weird is it that the Road Warriors are the heels in a match? Those shots were just awful though. I think I’ve seen Rey throw harder ones. Hawk no sells a piledriver. Really? How do you not sell a freaking piledriver? You’re dropped on your head for goodness’ sake. The stupid stuff continues as we have a chinlock in a street fight. Oh yeah work that chin! Heenan says that Animal or Hawk need to get with their partner and say something to them.

The thing he says takes him 11 seconds to say. It’s not really funny, but there’s something that’s just great about that. They hit the stands for about a second and we have the second instance tonight of the chairs being in big rows for no apparent reason. Why do they insist on using two camera for the same shot? I love wrestling at times, but this makes my head hurt.

Apparently this is non title, so therefore Sting can’t lose his title and can only get hurt, the Road Warriors have nothing to gain, and Booker can get a title shot. Why are the three not named Booker here? Sting and Hawk are in the ring and Booker and Animal are near the cage. They set for the Doomsday Device but Booker makes the save by crocthing Animal (who usually doesn’t go up top).

This prompts Dusty to say E.T. phone home. I gave up on trying to figure this out a long time ago. Sting hits the fifth low blow in 15 minutes. I wish they would make a reference to Sting and Dusty teaming up to fight the Road Warriors at Starrcade 87. Just as I say that, Bobby asks Dusty what he would do if he were Sting’s partner in this case. I wish he would have said that he was and left it at that but no go.

The spinaroonie is known as the whirly bird here. I’d love to see Sting against RVD in a jumping contest. It would be a very interesting challenge. Apparently the fans are standing everywhere. They must be about an average of 4ft tall because they look like they’re sitting to me, but then again I’m no professional announcer. Booker hits low blow #6.

Tony, continuing his brilliant career as an announcer, points out that they haven’t done anything incredibly extreme and this has really just been as basic as possible. Thanks for pointing out that this isn’t as great as it was built up to be and giving us no reason to believe the hype on future PPVs. I think I’ve finally started figuring out the problem that I have with this commentary team: I don’t know what they’re saying and it just passes through my head as being fine.

Bobby and Dusty are talking about glomming someone. What the heck does that mean? I guess it means double teaming, but it could mean sharing a turkey sandwich and a white wine for all I know. I will give them this: they’ve managed to keep going with the singles and team fighting. That’s hard to do but they’re pulling it off here.

Off a top rope powerslam, Bobby says Sting landed on his shoulder like Apollo 13. THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!! What in the world is that supposed to mean? It’s like just random gibberish that sounds good. What the heck does Apollo freaking 13 have to do with this match and how in the world does it relate to a guy landing on his shoulder? Animal follows it up with even more weak chair shots. Uh oh, a weak clothesline hits the post.

The weapons shots here just flat out suck. Hawk just somehow managed to hit Sting with the side of the chair facing Hawk when he swung it. That’s hard to do. Sting then leaves his partner alone to go get some plunder (which I figured out means weapons). He comes back with….brooms. Yep, he’s got brooms. Even Tony sounds annoyed with this match as we’re well past 20 minutes here which is mainly just stupid stuff where they look tired.

Now instead of hitting Hawk with the wooden handle of the broom, he hits him with the straw. Yep, that’s what he did. Animal apparently noggered Booker. There’s a new language being formed here. Bobby makes a vacuum reference for no apparent reason. They trash Luger some more as it occurs to me that Dusty has fought him at Starrcade as well. Hey WCW: GET NEW TALENT!

Booker apparently walks out with Animal following him so we hit the split screen again. Animal and Booker fight in the back even more with Luger there. Animal accidentally hits Luger and knocks him into some trash, which ticks him off of course. With a Viking like yell he runs at Animal and takes him out. Stevie Ray, Booker’s partner, shows up and along with Jimmy Hart they beat the tar out of Animal and tie him to a post.

In the ring, Hawk is beating the crap out of Sting which is odd to see indeed. Sting goes into his insane offense that works better than anything else. Booker is back now as it’s all faces here. Stevie runs out to hit another crap chair shot to end this. Right after the pin we cut to Animal who is screaming about nothing in particular other than having his face kicked in, being taped to a pole and being handcuffed. I love wrestling!

Rating: D+. This is just hard to grade. The main problem is simple: this went thirty minutes. You could cut at least 15 of that out and this is a B- or so. There’s just way too many dead spots though where it’s just random punches and kicking that get very boring. The street fight aspect of this was awful with only a few chair shots and the broom being in there to do anything at all. Also, it’s not even for the titles. Put Booker in there as a substitute partner. That would have at least given us something close to a reason to care. The brawling was ok, but that’s overshadowed by the pure dullness of about 15 minutes of this.

The Road Warriors would make it back to the WWF for one last run in 1997, staying for about a year and winning the Tag Titles one more time. The magic was gone though and they were more or less living off nostalgia so I’ll skip over this period. There would however be one final appearance for the team on the big stage as a total surprise. From the May 12, 2003 episode of Monday Night Raw.

Raw Tag Titles: Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. Legion of Doom

Animal and RVD get things going with Animal stomping away in the corner, only to be kicked in the face to put him down. Off to Hawk who gets kicked as well before hitting his neckbreaker, only to get kicked in the face again. Kane gets the tag and speeds things up with clotheslines to both Doomers. The top rope clothesline drops Hawk but they break up a double chokeslam, only to have RVD kick Animal down and hit Rolling Thunder for two. Animal comes back with a powerbomb to Van Dam but he ducks the clothesline on the Doomsday Device. The chokeslam and Five Star are enough to pin Hawk and retain the titles.

Rating: D+. The match was little more than a squash for the champions but it was nice to see Hawk out there one last time as his old self instead of the shell of a shell that he would become. It’s still not a good match or anything but it wasn’t supposed to be anything close to one.

Hawk would pass away about six months after this but from every report I’ve seen, he was a changed man when it happened.

The idea I was trying to present here was dominance. In their prime, the Road Warriors simply were not going to lose a fair fight. The NWA and AWA Tag Title reigns came to an end due to cheating and the first WWF reign was never allowed to see the light of day. They’re a great example of what can happen when a team is protected. They weren’t a great in ring team but they didn’t need to do anything other than run people over and destroy them with power moves. It worked for the better part of 20 years in every promotion they worked in so there must have been something to it.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 8, 2002
Location: America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re two weeks past the Draft now and the main story is that Austin has signed with Raw, finally giving them an exclusive top star. Other than that there isn’t much going on here as we roll towards Backlash. Whatever energy the Draft gave the show is already gone, meaning we’re entering into the dark days for the show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from Smackdown with Vince saying Undertaker isn’t the #1 contender because Flair didn’t have the right to make that selection. Vince knows what the fans wants and makes HHH vs. Hulk Hogan for the title at the PPV. HHH said that when Hogan was in the ring with him, he was an obstacle, not immortal.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Undertaker on his bike to open the show. He wants to know who made the decision to take the title shot away from him because it was his turn to take the title. Now it’s HHH vs. Hogan and that’s a bunch of bull. Raw starts right here and now because he’s going to stand here until someone comes out and explains this to him. Cue Raw owner Ric Flair who says maybe he was too ambitious last week. He wanted to see HHH vs. Undertaker at Backlash, but he tried to get there too fast.

However, Undertaker needs to understand that he’s not in charge around here. Flair implies Undertaker gets the next title shot but Undertaker calls him a liar. This must be about Undertaker beating him at Wrestlemania, which is understandable after how badly Flair got destroyed there. Undertaker wants the shot after Backlash and threatens another beating if he doesn’t get it. This brings out Austin to stand up for his boss, because that’s in character for him.

Austin does the WHAT schtick while asking why Undertaker is getting the title shot after Backlash. Is it because of the clothes he wears or because Flair is scared? Maybe Undertaker is dead, meaning he has no pulse, doesn’t breathe, bought the farm or kicked the bucket. Or is it because he rides a stupid bike?

Austin wants Flair to pick between himself and Undertaker for the shot after Backlash, but instead Flair rants about both guys treating him badly. He makes two #1 contenders matches with Austin vs. Hall and Undertaker vs. RVD for tonight. No word on what happens if both win but I think you can figure it out. Undertaker threatens Flair and calls Austin cueball before starting a fight. Austin clotheslines Undertaker to the floor but can’t Stun Flair.

Hardcore Title: Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Booker T.

Bubba is defending but Booker has something to say first. He thinks the people want to see a Spinarooni and that’s exactly what Booker gives them. Bubba comes back with dancing of his own that makes it look like he’s having a seizure. Booker jumps him and we’re ready to go, only to see Bubba dump him to the floor. The champ sends him into the steps and then back into the ring as it’s time to bust out the weapons. A belly to back suplex gets two on Booker as the fans want tables.

Booker comes back with a knee to the ample gut and an ax kick before blasting him in the head with a stop sign. Bubba shrugs it off and hits a Samoan drop followed by a series of elbows. He gets his own table but Booker knocks him down and sets it up himself. Cue Goldust to run in and DDT Booker on a trumpet before Bubba powerbombs Goldust through the table for a pin to retain, because that’s how the Hardcore Title works.

Raitng: D. Why bother pinning him if the title is defended 24/7? The match was nothing of note and it was an even worse sign that they were trying to push Bubba as a singles guy. Yeah he would eventually work as Bully Ray but this was just one half of the Dudley Boys, which isn’t interesting at all.

Bubba dances more on the stage.

Trish says her head hurts and promises to get back at Molly Holly for attacking her last week. William Regal comes up and says no one cares about Trish because she’s only there to show off her figure. He talks about Spike Dudley but Trish makes fun of Regal for getting shown up by Spike last week. Regal calls Spike a toerag, an accident to his mother and an abortion on society.

Kane admires the Divas Swimsuit Magazine and says the rest of him isn’t burnt. He’s no longer ashamed of being a freak because the Kaneanites love him. Tonight he’ll start going through the NWO, because just like the lion roars and the chicken clucks, it’s a simple fact of life that X-Pac sucks. Nice rhyme.

X-Pac asks the Outsiders to wait in the back.

Kane vs. X-Pac

Falls count anywhere. Brawl to start with X-Pac actually taking over with some kicks in the corner. Kane easily shoves him back down and stops a charging Pac with a big boot before heading outside. They fight into the crowd and up by the set before going into the back. Hall and Nash jump Kane with weapons and X-Pac hits the ground with a chair (missing Kane’s head by about eight inches) for the pin. This wasn’t even two minutes long.

X-Pac takes the mask off with Kane’s face on the ground until Bradshaw makes the save. Yeah at this point, the top faces on Raw were Austin, Kane, Bubba Ray Dudley and Bradshaw. Starting to get how long these shows felt live?

Kane is taken out on a stretcher post break and X-Pac is wearing the mask when Flair comes in. Nash is suspended without pay so he threatens to sue Flair.

European Title: Spike Dudley vs. William Regal

Regal is defending, Spike steals the brass knuckles and knocks him out and we have a new champion in 5 seconds.

Tommy Dreamer, Jackie, Big Show, Bubba Dudley and Coach celebrate the title win by pouring Slurpees on Spike.

Rob Van Dam vs. Undertaker

First #1 contenders match, RVD’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line and I think only Undertaker can become #1 contender. Undertaker pounds Rob down in the corner to start and chokes him on the ropes. Some knees to the ribs have Rob in more trouble and he walks into a side slam for two. The fans are entirely behind Rob but Undertaker kicks him to the apron for an elbow to the jaw.

Van Dam avoids the legdrop and kicks Undertaker in the face, setting up an Asai Moonsault for Rob’s first advantage. Back in and a kick to the face sets up Rolling Thunder but Undertaker crotches Rob to break up the Five Star. Undertaker busts out a nice top rope superplex for two and heads outside for a chair.

That’s fine with Rob though as he shoves the referee away and hits a quick Van Daminator but has to dive on an interfering Eddie Guerrero. Back in and the chokeslam puts RVD down for a delayed two count. The Last Ride is escapes and Rob kicks him in the face to set up the Five Star, but Rob bounces off too far and Eddie blasts him in the back of the head with the IC Title. Undertaker covers for two before ending Rob with the Last Ride.

Rating: C. Better match than I was expecting, even with the unnecessary overbooking. I’m glad they didn’t have Rob get pinned clean though as it keeps the title looking stronger. Undertaker wasn’t much to see around this time but this was one of his better performances. Not a bad match at all with Rob making up for the lethargic Deadman.

Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

Jazz is on commentary. Before the match, Molly, now looking even better with light brown hair says she’s a great wrestler and doesn’t like being off the show while there’s a paddle on a pole match going on. Terri thinks Molly is jealous but Molly says she’s beautiful and wholesome. Trish jumps her in the aisle to start as Jazz has nothing to say. Molly escapes a monkey flip but gets dropkicked down and bails to the floor.

Back in and Molly chokes a bit before hitting a nice handspring elbow. More choking ensues and Molly gets two off something the camera misses. Molly gets crotched on top and the Stratusphere brings her down. Trish goes after Jazz and gets hit with the belt for her efforts, allowing Molly to hook a freaky leg lock into a pin back inside.

Rating: D+. And most of that is for how tight Trish’s top was and how great Molly looked. The match was nothing more than angle advancement which is a great sign. Imagine that: an ANGLE in the Divas division with three different women who can all work a good match. It wasn’t anything of note but it’s light years ahead of what we get today.

Paul Heyman insults Phoenix and tells Brock that he can’t beat up a member of the audience. Heyman reveals that he’s Brock’s agent.

Here are Brock and Heyman to some very generic rock music. Heyman says he can do whatever he wants as long as he’s standing next to this monster. He brags about managing Steve Austin and Undertaker to make them what they are today. Heyman also invented ECW which the WWF stole but that’s beside the point. Paul lists off about ten names for Brock, ranging from impervice to incredible to the Next Big Thing.

We look at a highlight reel of Brock’s destruction, including that awesome F5 to Rikishi. Cue the Hardys to double team Brock but he LAUNCHES both of them to the floor. They both grab chairs and give Lesnar HARD shots to the head that would get them fired today. Brock doesn’t even go down and is all BRING IT ON but Heyman calls him off.

Big Show vs. Mr. Perfect

This is about what you would expect: Perfect gets in some shots, Big Show throws him around, Perfect hits him low and actually gets the PerfectPlex for a one count and the chokeslam ends it.

Austin goes into Flair’s office but finds no one. He has a seat and puts his feet up to wait.

JR recaps the big angle of the show and introduces clips from earlier. JR: “It was time for Ric Flair to make a decision.” Austin: “It’s time for Ric Flair to make a decision.” We also see some of Undertaker beating RVD earlier tonight.

Flair comes in and explains the deal to Austin: if Austin wins, he faces Undertaker at Backlash for the #1 contender spot.

Scott Hall vs. Steve Austin

X-Pac is with Hall here but Austin goes off on Scott to start anyway. He chokes away with the vest and gets two off a slam. They head to the floor with Austin chopping and eye poking. Back in and Scott throws Austin to the floor so X-Pac can get in a few shots, only to have Austin beat the tar out of him. Austin gets back inside and works over Hall in the corner until a mule kick below the belt changes control again.

Steve is sent to the floor for another beating from X-Pac before coming back in to get clotheslined for two. There’s a sleeper from Hall but Austin suplexes out of it. Austin comes back with right hands (shocking) but a double clothesline puts both guys down. An X-Pac cheap shot has almost no effect and there’s the Thesz Press as Austin cranks it up. X-Pac gets a shot to the jaw but the referee goes down.

Both NWO members get spinebusters but here’s the Undertaker to beat up Austin. Bradshaw runs in to fight Undertaker as Hall gets two off Undertaker’s chokeslam. The referee goes down again (bad night for him) as Hall hits the fallaway slam. X-Pac comes in for a double team but Flair comes in to stare down X-Pac. A Stunner takes care of Pac and an even bigger one is good for the pin on Scott.

Rating: D+. This was a kick and punch match until the overdone ending. Austin vs. the NWO isn’t an interesting story, especially with no Nash or Hogan in sight. Hall and X-Pac are just guys in matching shirts at this point and there’s nothing for them to do anymore. Unfortunately they would be around for awhile.

Flair takes a Stunner as well because Austin fights authority you see.

Overall Rating: D. The show went by pretty quickly but there’s nothing interesting to see here. The matches were nothing special and the big story could have been solved by making Austin vs. Undertaker for the title shot in the first place. Austin Stunning Flair made me roll my eyes as they’re trying to force lightning back into a bottle and it just doesn’t work that way. Uninspiring but not completely horrid show this week.

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Smackdown
Date: June 24, 2004
Location: TD Waterhouse Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is a request due to the main event: John Cena vs the Undertaker. I don’t think that really needs much more of an explanation. On top of that it’s the go home show for the Great American Bash, meaning we’re getting close to the “Paul Bearer in concrete” match. That main event makes me drool though so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from last week with Undertaker kneeling to Paul Heyman for the sake of saving Paul Bearer from being harmed. Heyman says that one day Undertaker will bow to him because it’s the right thing to do. Undertaker then destroyed a bunch of upper midcard guys, including Cena.

Charlie Haas and the GORGEOUS Jackie Gayda ask Cena if he knows what he’s getting into. Cena says he knows it’s suicide but he’s doing it anyway. The it hasn’t been specified yet.

Here’s Cena (US Champion and going into a fourway on Sunday) with something to say. Cena has heard all day that he can’t come out here and threaten Undertaker because you’re going to pay dearly. Last week he got tombstoned though (audience boos) but right now he needs an explanation. This brings out injured GM Kurt Angle who says he’s never felt this happy before. He has something to be very happy about: he’s written a rap for just this occasion. Cena sounds thrilled and can’t wait to hear it. The rap is of course nothing but basic rhyming with an insult to the Orlando Magic. Short version: Cena vs. Undertaker tonight.

After a break JBL comes in to see Angle and his assistant Luther Reigns. JBL sucks up to the boss and calls him an inspiration to wheelchair bound people everything. However, JBL is worried about Eddie Guerrero and thinks he needs to be taught a lesson. Angle can’t do it, so tonight it’s Eddie vs. Reigns.

Battle Royal

Scotty 2 Hotty, Chavo Guerrero, Funaki, Akio, Billy Kidman, Spike Dudley, Jamie Noble, Nunzio, Paul London, Shannon Moore

This is for a shot at the Cruiserweight Title against Mysterio on Sunday and the champion is of course on commentary. Rey beat Chavo Classic (don’t ask) for the title last week. It’s your basic battle royal to start with everyone beating on everyone and trying to throw someone out. London dropkicks Spike into a backdrop from Nunzio for our first elimination but London dumps Nunzio just as quickly. The referee missed it though and Nunzio goes back in. Not that it matters as London hits a Flying Chuck (Disaster Kick) to put him out again.

Chavo sends London over the top but he skins the cat, only to have Nunzio pull him down to the floor. Shannon is sent to the apron and kicked out by Akio, only to have Chavo dump Akio as well. Scotty saves Funaki for no apparent reason and loads up the Worm on Chavo, only to superkick Jamie. Kidman dropkicks Scotty out and Chavo baseball slides, leaving Kidman, Chavo and Noble. Jamie takes Kidman down with a nice German suplex and Billy gets double teamed. The crowd is all over Chavo here as he and Jamie try their hardest to get rid of Kidman.

Billy keeps hanging on to the ropes and even comes back with a double clothesline to put everyone down. Kidman tries to throw Jamie out but Chavo breaks it up and tries to put Kidman out instead. That goes nowhere so Chavo puts Kidman on top, only to have Jamie throw Chavo down and put Kidman in the Tree of Woe. Jamie gets in another shot to Chavo but can’t get him out. Kidman goes off on Noble and slingshots him into the corner but Jamie stops himself on the corner. Chavo knocks him out to get us down to two and catches Kidman in a Gory Bomb for the elimination and the title shot.

Rating: D+. It’s a battle royal which are always hard to grade. There’s nothing here that really stands above any other battle royal though the stuff with the final three guys wasn’t bad at all. This could have been a much better triple threat but I guess they were trying to get anyone they could out there.

Heyman is on the phone with the company making the concrete crypt on Sunday. He wants there to be no escape whatsoever. The Dudleys come up and want to know why they should believe Undertaker will do the right thing. Heyman gives one of his speeches when Mordecai (religious zealot who wore all white) and Hardcore Holly come in with Mordecai destroying Holly, pounding him into the arena. Luther Reigns breaks it up as Angle tells Heyman to make sure Undertaker takes Cena out tonight.

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn

Suzuki is an evil Japanese character who went absolutely nowhere (winning a Smackdown tag title would count as nowhere around this time) in his tenure with WWE. He makes his geisha girl Hiroko remove his robe and we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start until both guys start firing off strikes. Kenzo takes him down with chops and a knee drop for two as the fans chant USA.

Billy fights out of a front facelock and drops Suzuki with a right hand but it too winded after two minutes of work to follow up. Gunn hits a Stinger Splash and a HORRIBLE looking Fameasser (Kenzo landed like he was doing a pushup) but Hiroko throws powder in Billy’s eyes for the DQ.

Kenzo hits his lame claw leg sweep post match.

A barely covered Sable hits on the American flag clad Torrie Wilson. Sable threatens to take Torrie out in the hot tub on Sunday. Oh and the outfit makes Torrie look fat. Torrie: “At least it doesn’t make me look easy.” A catfight breaks out until old men break it up. This would lead to a lesbian angle.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. JBL which saw Eddie keep the title by DQ at Judgment Day, necessitating a rematch with a bullrope involved.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Luther Reigns

Non-title of course. Reigns is a power guy with a good look but not a ton else. Luther shoves Eddie into the corner to start and a gorilla press scares the champion out of his wits. Eddie messes with Reigns’ mind by switching arms instead of going into a test of strength but an Angle distraction (Angle popped out of a wheelchair despite having his leg in a big cast) lets Reigns take over again.

A butterfly suplex puts Eddie down and we hit the bearhug. Reigns gets bored of holding Eddie in the air and switches to a reverse waistlock. Eddie gets out with a jawbreaker and drops Reigns with some elbows to the jaw. There are the Three Amigos but the referee gets bumped. Luther clotheslines Eddie down and hits a quick powerslam as Angle comes in for a very fast two count.

Reigns goes to get the belt but Eddie hits him low and cracks him in the head with the title. In classic Eddie style, he throws the belt to Angle and falls down as the referee gets up. A frog splash should be enough for the pin but JBL comes in for the DQ. Why? Did we really need to protect Luther Reigns?

Rating: C-. Just a match but the ending continues to be confusing. Luther Reigns getting pinned by the WWE Champion isn’t a devastating loss and JBL doesn’t change anything by running in, so why not just have him do it after the pin? Reigns was nothing special out there but he was fine as an intimidating looking bodyguard.

JBL beats up Eddie but the champion gets the bullrope away and takes JBL down.

Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree

Both guys are in the fourway for the US Title on Sunday. Rene is very French and that’s about all there is to his character. Booker T, the fourth man in the match on Sunday, comes out to do commentary. Rob takes him down with a headlock but gets countered into a headscissors. Rene comes back with something that we miss due to the camera looking at Booker as Booker threatens Rene’s dog.

Rob kicks Rene to the floor and hits the spinning kick off the apron to Rene’s back for two back inside. Rene comes back with a neckbreaker for two of his own before dropping a knee for the same. Rob kicks Dupree in the face again as Booker talks trash about Cena. Rolling Thunder gets two for Van Dam so Booker makes a knock knock joke about RVD. Dupree pulls a buckle off and the distraction prevents the referee from counting a small package. Rob drives shoulders in the corner but misses a charge into the exposed buckle to give Rene the pin.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring with the fourway on Sunday sounding like one of the least interesting matches I can remember in a long time. Dupree is as generic of a heel as you can get and Van Dam had it in slow motion tonight. Nothing to this match for the most part and it just killed time.

Rundown of the PPV card.

John Cena vs. The Undertaker

Writing that makes me smile. The title isn’t on the line of course. Undertaker pounds Cena into the corner to start but charges into a boot, allowing Cena to come back with big right hands of his own. Cena says brings it on and fires off more right hands, only to have Undertaker stop him with a single punch. John pounds on Undertaker but gets pulled to the floor to give the Dead Man a breather. A suplex back in gets two on Cena and Old School gets the same.

Undertaker grabs Cena’s face for a change of style before the jumping clothesline is good for two. Cena escapes the tombstone and low bridges Taker out to the floor before knocking him into the barricade. The fans are getting into this as we take a break. Back with Cena clotheslining Undertaker over the top and keeping the pressure on outside. Another clothesline sends Undertaker over the barricade but he comes back with a hard knee to the sterum.

Cena reverses a whip into the steps and Undertaker’s arm is cut open. John dives off the apron but gets caught in midair and rammed into the post to keep up the physical pace. The legdrop across the apron brings Cena back to the floor before heading back inside for….an armbar? Thankfully it doesn’t last long as Cena comes back with right hands, only to be elbowed in the jaw to stop him cold.

Undertaker goes into boxer mode to knock Cena for a loop before busting out a superplex for two. The Dead Man is confused by Cena kicking out over and over so we hit the chinlock. Cena fights up and punches Undertaker in the knee to get a breather, only to get kicked in the face to stop yet another comeback. A spinebuster of all things puts Undertaker down but Cena can’t follow up.

They slug it out with Cena taking over with a shoulder and hard clothesline for two. Cena goes up for a top rope ax handle to set up the Throwback (flipping faceplant) and Shuffle for two. Undertaker escapes the AA and connects with a big boot and legdrop (BROTHER) for his own two count.

The referee gets bumped before Cena scores with another clothesline. Undertaker sits up but walks into the FU for no count as the referee is still down. Cena checks on the referee but turns around into a chokeslam for still no count. Undertaker embraces the evil and blasts Cena with the chain before tombstoning him for the pin.

Rating: A-. Gah that stupid story hurt what was an otherwise great match. At least Undertaker had Cena beaten before he used the chain, but this could have been a match of the year candidate if it had ended closer to clean. This was Cena showing that he was going to be a main eventer one day in the near future and he came off looking great.

Heyman comes out holding the Urn to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. The main event is a classic but everything else is a mess. The midcard was a disaster around this time and it wasn’t going to get any better for a long time. People like Dupree and Suzuki just didn’t have anything to offer and thankfully they wouldn’t be pushed for very long. Cena was clearly the future but we had to put up with Undertaker vs. Dudleys before we could get there.

Here’s Great American Bash if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/12/19/great-american-bash-2004-this-is-the-prefered-method-of-torture-in-19-countries/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Vengeance 2001
Date: December 9, 2001
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 11,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The first one here is kind of huge as we unify the WWF and WCW World Titles. I’ve spent months if not years trying to figure out why this is at Vengeance and not like a month later at the Rumble. The idea is that HHH was supposed to be the first Undisputed Champion but wasn’t ready yet. But he was back at the Rumble so why didn’t they just do it there? Or at Mania for that matter?

Either way, it’s more or less a small tournament with Austin vs. Angle for the WWF Title and Rock vs. Jericho for the WCW Title, then the winners fight. Austin and Rock are Austin and Rock, Angle kept beating Austin and Jericho was the best in the world at the time. Other than that, there’s nothing of note on the card. Let’s get to it.

We open with this weird old silent movie that allegedly was made by Freddie Blassie about having only one champion. It’s freaky to put it mildly. Seriously, this is disturbing. Sinner is a good song once we get to the arena at least.

And here’s Vince. Apparently on Thursday, Vince got his head shoved into Rikishi’s thong. Good to know. We’re in the full fledged WHAT stage at the moment too so that’s getting old quickly. Vince is upset that the fans laughed at it like it was some kind of comedy skit. A man that walks with his chest out like a girl trying to make sure you notice her had his head shoved into the back of a thong-wearing street dancing sumo wrestler and Vince is mad that it’s being treated like a comedy skit.

The whole idea of Vince at times is one of the funniest things in the world. He says “he who laughs last laughs best”. And here’s Flair who owns half of the company at the moment. Why do I feel like I’m watching Impact? Flair looks like an idiot. Yeah it’s Impact. We’re pushing ten minutes into the show and the youngest guy so far has been Vince McMahon. Flair starts a match.

Albert/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Christian/Test

GO BACK TO THE OLD GUYS! Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at the moment. Egads. They aren’t the Unamericans yet. And the Heat match was the APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Why can’t we see that instead? You know these reviews aren’t really as angry as they used to be. Granted that could be because these shows are far less insulting to my intelligence. They may be weaker shows but they’re competent at least which is more than a lot of shows give you.

Christian is European Champion at the time. Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at this point. Take me now. And remember people: this guy was INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION. He was one of those guys that always seemed like was on the verge of a big push but it never happened. Lawler makes some bad jokes about potential names for the faces. He’s just making this more painful if that’s somehow possible. Wow it’s weird seeing Teddy Long as a worthless referee.

Far more used to him being a useless GM. Scotty and Test work the majority of this match for reasons that completely elude me. Oh look it’s Albert vs. Christian rather than Test vs. Albert, as in you know, FORMER TAG PARTNERS FIGHTING. I guess that would make too much sense. We get a Giant Swing and a Don Leo Jonathan reference. Wow indeed. Albert just massacres both heels.

With some tweeking to his gimmick, he could have been passable. And now Christian does the Worm. We get a surprisingly decent sequence as Scotty is down. And of course we get the Worm. These kinds of moves are just stupid. A simple bulldog keeps Test down for about 20 seconds which it takes for the setup for it? See why that’s idiotic? Baldo Bomb, a two handed chokeslam into a powerbomb, ends it. It actually got a pop.

Rating: D. Just…why? What in the world was the point of having this match on PPV? This was something that belonged on Velocity or Heat or something like that. It was as generic as you could ask a match to be also. This was just a head scratcher and not that good.

Regal cuts a decent promo on Edge. Now bad at all.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

So Edge at this time is getting a massive push as he goes from a tag team star to more or less the top of the midcard in less than six months. Think of him like what the Miz has been doing for the last year or so, but even faster. He was as popular as ever and allegedly was going to win the Raw World Title at the next Survivor Series in the debut of the Elimination Chamber but Shawn and HHH decided Shawn should more or less come in off the streets and beat HHH, Jericho, Booker T, RVD and Kane instead.

Edge has been laughing at Regal for a long time to set this up. Great heat on Regal. More or less the British guy is just doing very bad things to Edge with all kinds of ridiculous strikes and basic stuff. Edge busts out a hurricanrana of all things. Before he hurt his neck, he was a completely different worker. Check out his 2002 stuff and you’ll be very impressed. Edge goes for a spear on the floor and hits the steps, allowing Regal to get some brass knuckles.

That was his big thing at the time and it was a very solid heel tactic to use. He throws out back to back Tiger Drivers in a surprising sequence. Not sure why it’s surprising but that’s the first thing that came to mind. Regal goes for the brass knuckles but takes a spear for Edge to get a quick pin. Regal made that match for the most part.

Rating: D+. This just missed for me. It’s not terrible or anything, but at the same time it just felt like there wasn’t much here. Regal more or less dominated but took a quick spear to get pinned. Not sure how much I like that at all. Still though, the crowd was really into this which helped it a lot. Again, not terrible but not very good at all.

Flair is on the phone and Angle comes in. He’s a 14 time champion here so somewhere he picked up two more. I guess they gave him two more NWA reigns somewhere.

Lita, the guest referee for the next match, is stretching. Matt comes in and says he’s sorry for dragging Lita into this. Lita with straight hair is freaking delicious looking. She’s going to call it right down the middle.

We recap the Hardys’ rise to this point. Cool memories if nothing else. They’re fighting because Jeff has been costing them a bunch of stuff lately, namely because he keeps trying high spots rather than winning matches.

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy

Lita is guest referee here of course. Dang she looked great back then. Jeff has that stupid hat on like he used to wear back then for no explained reason. The fans like Lita more than anyone else. I can’t blame them as this was just a few steps ahead of Cryme Tyme exploding. This works SO much better as face vs. face rather than face vs. heel like they were trying to do last year at Mania.

The psychology is here too as you have two guys that know each other very well and keep countering each others’ signature stuff. The main thing here though is Lita as she’s dating Matt but is being fair. It’s a nice aspect to it that adds tension and fits the storyline perfectly. Jeff gets a nice counter to avoid being powerbombed onto the floor. Sloppy, but it was intelligent at least. Jeff hurts his leg getting back in and Matt goes for it. This is very basic but it’s coming off quite well.

Matt is clearly the heel in this as he won’t let go of a half crab when Jeff is in the ropes, I guess assuming Lita would never DQ him. Crowd likes Jeff more. I’m stunned too. Jeff blocks a Twist of Fate with that leg drop he would do at times. The killer instinct isn’t here again just like last time though. They keep countering the Twist of Fate which makes sense. Maybe it could have something to do with standing there in that position and the other guy shouting before doing it.

That would give me a hint as to what was coming if nothing else. Matt is kind of hinting at full heel here and it’s working fairly well. He’s about 40lbs lighter here also. Twist of Fate off the second rope is blocked and Jeff gets the Swanton for the clean pin. This was just missing something and I think it was the full hatred. That and this wasn’t a huge match yet, although it was getting close.

Rating: B-. Not terrible and WAY better than the Mania 25 match. This was far more ground based and it came off pretty well. It’s no classic by any means, but it’s certainly a passable match. Matt flirting with going heel worked. And then they were all fine and good at the Rumble so none of that mattered.

Rock and Trish have a weird moment. How hot would their kids be? She kisses him on the cheek. Rock more or less says after tonight, come see him again and he’ll screw her. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Big Show/Kane

Stacy is managing the Dudleys here and I’ve always thought this was her hottest period, which is saying a whole lot. The Dudleys weren’t useless yet at this point. Since it’s 2001, Show destroys both of the champions. Kane takes them both out with a double top rope clothesline. Show spanks Stacy. Ok then. A red thong shot on Stacy is never bad though. Yeah I don’t care about this match in the slightest. Kane destroys both of them.

Big Show destroys both of them. Some of you may be beginning to notice a pattern here. Kane accidentally hits the top rope clothesline on Show. To my complete and utter shock, Show and Kane get into an argument. Oh and Show is wearing his sexy one piece swimsuit. I can’t stand that thing. I truly can’t.

Is that supposed to look good? Is he supposed to be intimidating? Show goes after Stacy…again. D-von tries for the save and SLAMS INTO STACY. Yeah thanks for helping there bubbles. The champions take a turnbuckle pad off and slam Show into it with a double flapjack, naturally called 3D by JR.

Rating: F+. This just was not interesting at all. Show vs. Kane has been DONE. And I mean done a LOT. The ending was creative and Stacy was hot though. Even still though, this just didn’t work at all. The styles clash was so apparent here and it didn’t come off well at all.

Don’t try this at home. Feel free to though at your grandparents’ house.

Lita tries to apologize. It doesn’t work.

Sinner is the theme song. I saw that band last night.

So Taker was ticked off at Vince for not telling him that Angle was the mole in the Alliance. Because of that, he turned heel and started his RESPECT ME thing. He talked about all the people he beat up and that he kissed up to Vince more than anyone else. He saved JR from kissing Vince, and then beat him up and made him kiss it. Nicely done. Oh and he went after RVD. This was his heel turn for a long time.

Hardcore Title: Rob Van Dam vs. The Undertaker

Taker still gets face pops, but that likely has something to do with the Limp Bizkit song and the Harley. I say the song because it lowers intelligence so much that people forget what they were told on television. Oh and Taker got a massive haircut. Van Dam doesn’t have his signature theme yet at this point but it was coming soon. Like the next night or close to it soon. Taker is the America Tough Guy here and the style is remarkably different.

We hit the crowd here which at least makes sense due to the hardcore aspect. This is actually a pretty interesting match from a star power perspective, although it would be like 5 years before RVD was a main event guy. Never mind his solid in ring stuff (no it’s not as great as it’s made out to be) and the MASSIVE pops he got. He just wasn’t ready yet and wouldn’t be for years. Also he was out like a year with a bad knee so that wasn’t something anyone could control.

We get to the weapons and RVD saves himself with a fire extinguisher. Van Dam does a balcony dive and in an amusing visual, the stuff they land on shoots up a bunch of dust. It might have been Taker. They’re fighting behind the TitanTron now and you can see why WWF was so far ahead of ECW when it was still in business: there is a camera right there with a perfect shot of them. You can see every single thing that happens rather than seeing a random arm or leg. It’s very nice indeed.

Taker picks him up and rams him head first into the set which he goes partially through. Nice looking spot. Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder on the stage since a head injury that severe of course is something you can get up from very quickly. Van Dam does his running chair shot dropkick thing and it’s called a Van Daminator.

I would ask if JR ever watched ECW but I think I already know the answer to that. Taker wears him out with a chair and of course he’s fine. Van Daminator misses and RVD gets chokeslammed off the stage through some tables and is pinned. Taker as Hardcore Champion is an interesting idea.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but the majority of the rating comes from the oddness of seeing Taker in the midcard title hunt. Having a guy like RVD rub elbows with a guy like Taker is only a good thing for him at this point, although this was Taker trying out his new image and I’m not so sure how it was working. Fun match though and not your traditional hardcore stuff at all.

Jericho comes in and complains to Flair about….life in general I guess. Flair is half owner in case I forgot to mention that. Jericho’s big thing was he can’t win the big one, which is the case here. The Brand Split hadn’t happened yet either. I think that was the night after Mania or like 2 weeks after that.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline

To say Trish looks good in white is a dramatic understatement. I think this is her first title reign as they didn’t know she had talent until around this time. Seriously, who cares about Jackie? I can’t think of a soul that does. This isn’t interesting at all. Stratusfaction is blocked before it has a name. Trish wins with a backslide of all things in like 3 minutes.

Rating: N/A. Just boring as heck and not interesting at all. See what I mean by how boring this was? That was proper English to me. Trish wasn’t any good yet and it was apparent.

We recap Vince getting his head shoved into Rikishi’s thong. The look on his face is priceless. You have to give him this: there is very little Vince won’t do for his company. No one can take that away from him.

At WWF New York, Rikishi is there. He says he’s back. I guess we’ll forgive the whole vehicular manslaughter thing. There was no point to this whole thing apparently.

We recap Survivor Series where these were the final four and Jericho and Rock beat the Alliance. Vince says Austin is stripped and as the sole owner of the company, he’s naming Angle as world champion. Enter Flair, who says that’s not the case as Rock is still the (WCW) World Champion. That sets us up to hear. There’s a montage in there somewhere but you can figure that out.

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. Steve Austin

Austin comes in as champion. These two had a very good rivalry in August/September. Austin as champion just feels right. They start off slow. Seeing these two as face vs. face is kind of weird. We knew Angle was great at the time but Austin was a legend to put it mildly. Ok scratch that Angle as a face part I think. It’s actually hard to tell. Weird to say but it’s true. I’m pretty sure he had Kane at Mania. Actually yeah he is a heel. Yeah I’m pretty sure that’s right.

Austin runs from a mat wrestling thing so at least he’s thinking out there. This is a chess game to start us off which is very odd indeed. Austin works on the arm. See what I mean? When do you remember him doing something like that? I guess it would be difficult for him to do his normal stuff with just one good arm. Angle…shakes it off I guess and starts stomping Austin. Austin stays on the arm though which is the right thing to do. Now, is Angle smart enough to sell the stupid thing?

Ankle lock is on and the arm seems fine to me. Ah there are the ropes. Angle goes for the leg. At least that makes sense. Just like most main event guys, Angle had solid chemistry with Austin. I love watching Angle bust out suplexes, especially when he’s healthy. He freaking LAUNCHES people. Angle starts busting out Germans, which is a really awesome and simple move when you think about it: you pick up a guy and slam them on the back of their head.

That just sounds painful doesn’t it? The moonsault of course misses. Did he EVER hit that in WWF? It looked perfect if nothing else. Thesz Press hits, the crowd pops. Yeah he was still WAY over at this point. Austin shows his coolness and busts out Rolling Germans of his own.

He even goes further than Angle, hitting FIVE of them. Dang that would have freaking hurt. Angle hits another German. Oh wait he spun around about 9 degrees so it’s the Angle Slam. Got it. It gets two and there’s the Stunner to end it. Austin is in the main event.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here as always from these two. I don’t think anyone believed Austin would lose here. I mean while he’s past his prime at this point, he’s still a huge star. Still though, very solid match as these two brought out some good stuff in each other. Seeing Austin mix things up was always fun.

Trish is in a towel and getting ready, when Test comes in. More or less he hits on her and she doesn’t like it, but he can’t be fired. In other words, sexual harassment laws are trumped by battle royal victories. Sure why not? Vehicular manslaughter and necrophilia and assault and battery are never prosecuted here, so why not harassment?

World Championship: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Yeah the WCW Title is the World Championship, which actually sounds more encompassing than the WWF Title, but why use logic? This was a pretty solid feud back in the day, if nothing else for the promos. Jericho is heel here. Seeing Rock bust out armdrags and leapfrogs makes me appreciate him even more. Remember, he’s about the same size as Batista or so. Imagine a guy Batista’s size doing athletic things like that. I love that springboard dropkick that Jericho does. It’s just awesome looking.

This is more of a fight than the last match as the angle was more built up in this pairing. Jericho hits a sleeper like five minutes in which is odd. Jericho is no Dolph Ziggler though so it doesn’t work. Lionsault gets two as Jericho is FREAKING. We hit the floor and this has more or less been all Jericho. Like I said earlier, he was probably at the best he ever was in his career around this time and he’s getting to showcase it here. I love when guys break a count that isn’t happening.

How often do count outs consistently get threatened? Jericho gets DDTed through the table. Didn’t look as good as it sounded. The replay makes it look a bit better. It’s fun watching Rock throw punches. Jericho hooks a Breakdown, which is more commonly known as a Skull Crushing Finale. Jericho hits the People’s Elbow, and when I say hit I mean misses completely and almost gets hooked in the Sharpshooter.

Somehow he gets the Walls, but since he’s a heel at the time it doesn’t work at all. Actually he has a Sharpshooter on Rock. Same result though. Rock hits the Rock Bottom out of NOWHERE. That was sweet. And here’s Vince. At least it makes sense in storyline terms. Rock goes for the Elbow, but stops to fight Vince.

He drops a regular elbow and of course Jericho gets up because IT IS A REGULAR ELBOW DROP. Jericho gets a low blow and Rock Bottom to win the world title. Ok then. Hearing it called the world champion is odd to say the least.

Rating: B-. This was a different style than the previous match which is a nice touch I think as it was for a different title. I’d hardly think it was intentional, but it came off pretty well. Jericho was great in the ring, but I still want to see him wrestle as a face champion. It really could work.

Austin is here NOW for the title match. Jericho isn’t even back to his feet yet when Austin is stomping him.

Undisputed Title: Chris Jericho vs. Steve Austin

Nearly immediately, Angle is here and hits him with a chair. Rock is here and hits a Rock Bottom. I guess this makes us even? The fans chant for HHH, who was semi-advertised for the show. He was in a short video earlier and that’s about it. He’ll be back in about a month to the loudest pop I have ever heard. We hit the floor for a bit with Austin dominating. Ok make that a LONG bit. Jericho goes for the Walls on the remaining table but it doesn’t work of course.

Jericho hooks an armbar despite Austin LIMPING to the ring and having Angle working on the knee the whole match. The Walls go on and there goes the referee since this is still an Attitude-Era style. HHH chant again. Jericho hits a Stunner. Vince brings out another referee, Nick Patrick in this case. I’m SHOCKED! They’re OVERBOOKING A TITLE MATCH! Flair is here and the old guys go at it, foreshadowing their match at the Rumble. Austin hits McMahon to a BIG pop.

See, it still worked to an extent. Jericho taps to the Walls (you read that right) and there’s no referee. BOOKER T comes out and blasts Austin with a belt. And yes, THAT is how they end it, and I never realized this was Austin’s final match as a world champion. Yeah, Austin leaves the title picture other than a one off rematch at No Way Out like this, thanks to Booker T. WOW. Jericho holds up both belts with Ross freaking. Wow this came off bad at the end.

Rating: C-. This was overbooked to heck and back. Even once Flair came in, I was hating it. Booker costing Austin the title is fine to build a storyline, but at the same time, it just didn’t work for me. The match wasn’t terrible, but it’s a total letdown, which fits this show perfectly.

OverallRating: C-. The problem here is simple: the Undisputed Title, the first one EVER, was at a throwaway PPV like Vengeance. Seriously, this is in December and between Survivor Series and the Rumble. This is a filler PPV and they have the Undisputed Title decided here? The ending, while putting it on the right man in Jericho, was just BUTCHERED as it took like 4 people to beat Austin. Jericho needed to go over almost cleanly here and he didn’t do it.

Dang he didn’t even beat Rock clean. Other than the final three matches, nothing here matters at all. This just did not live up anywhere near to what it should have been and it’s not a good show as a result. Definitely worth seeing for the historical aspect though.

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ECW on TNN
Date: April 14, 2000
Location: Burt Flickinger Center, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 3,700
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

The main event tonight is an elimination match between Super Crazy, Tajiri and Little Guido for the TV Title, but there’s a much bigger story at the moment. Mike Awesome, the ECW World Champion, has jumped to WCW while still champion. This led to a lawsuit where ECW made a nice amount of money, but the more important story is we need a new ECW World Champion. We’ll cover that tonight so let’s get to it.

We open with the announcers in the ring where Joey runs down TNN. That was always a questionable move as TNN may have been treating ECW badly, but it was still airing them. Joel’s limerick of the night isn’t completely explicit but it would send Vince into a conniption today.

The opening sequence starts but Heyman cuts us off to announce that Tazz showed up in Indianapolis to win the title back despite working for the WWF at the time. Video is coming later.

We cut back to the arena with Rhyno Goring and piledriving Kid Kash for a pin. Was that a match?

T-shirt ads.

Hardcore Heaven ad.

Jazz wants to beat up Dawn Marie but finds Mikey Whipwreck and Sinister Minister instead. She says something long and censored and apparently wants the Minister to find Marie for her. Minister’s price: beer and sex. Jazz tells him to go to church. Mikey laughs and lights some paper on fire.

The Tazz video is still coming.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Nova/Chris Chetti

The challengers beat the Players in singles matches recently to set this up. Credible sends Chetti into the corner to start but That’s Incredible is countered into a rollup for two. Off to Storm vs. Nova for some wristlocks before Nova takes over with a Japanese armdrag. They trade legsweeps for one counts each and it’s a standoff. Nova tosses Storm into the air for a low blow before bringing in Chetti for a double hiptoss and elbow drop for two.

The Players are sent to the floor but Nova takes them out with a nice dive as Dawn Marie looks terrified. Gorgeous but terrified. Back in and Nova loads up a reverse DDT on Credible but Storm makes the save with a leg lariat. The Players take over on Nova but he comes back with chops to Storm in the corner. Lance rolls through an Irish whip into the Canadian Mapleleaf which isn’t a big move yet. Back to Credible for a chinlock for a bit before a swinging DDT gets no cover.

That’s enough of the wrestling and tag team formula though so here’s a table. The table is set up in the corner but Nova grabs a quick Novacane (downward spiral) to put Storm down. The hot tag brings in Chetti with a fireman’s carry into a Michinoku Driver for two on Justin as everything breaks down. Justin gets pulled to the floor but Storm superkicks Chetti down for a close two.

Nova comes back in and walks up the table for a tornado DDT on Storm but Lance gets up at two. Justin BLASTS Nova in the head with the Singapore cane to give Storm a two count but Credible gets thrown through the table. Dawn Marie comes in but here’s Jazz to take her out. Storm hits a good piledriver on Jazz and Justin blasts Chetti in the head with a belt for the pin to retain.

Time for the Tazz footage. Mike Awesome issued an open challenge at a house show last night after jumping to WCW and appearing on Nitro Monday. This was a total surprise and made no sense from WWF’s perspective but they did it anyway.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. Taz

Taz sends him to the floor to start and the brawl is on with Taz getting the better of it. They head back inside with Awesome getting stomped down in the corner. The referee gets bumped and here’s Dreamer to DDT Awesome down. The Tazmission gives us a new champion in about 90 seconds. Why they didn’t just put the title on Dreamer still eludes me.

House show ads.

TV Title: Little Guido vs. Tajiri vs. Super Crazy

Elimination rules. Crazy is defending but the Network has promised the title to both challengers. It’s a brawl to start with Crazy being knocked to the floor. Guido kicks Tajiri down for two but gets sent to the floor a second later. Crazy comes back in but gets tossed as well by Tajiri. Guido gets kicked in the face by Tajiri but Big Sal crushes Tajiri on the floor. They’re flying around too fast to keep up with right now.

Sal misses a splash against the barricade and Tajiri bails into the crowd. Crazy uses Sal’s back as a launching pad to dive at Tajiri before pounding away on Sal in the ring. Tajiri comes back in to kick a chair into Crazy’s ribs but Guido is back in again to kick Tajiri down as well. A suplex gets two on the champion before he and Guido head to the floor. Crazy is dropped face first onto the concrete but Tajiri sends Guido over the barricade for a superkick to the jaw.

Crazy is busted BAD as Tajiri blasts Guido in the head with a chair, busting him open as well. Tajiri brings in a table but kicks Guido to the floor instead of putting him through it. Sal interferes again to give Guido control again. Crazy continues to stagger around at ringside as the challengers are back inside. Tajiri kicks Sal through a table at ringside before putting Guido in an inverted Gory Special. Even Tajiri is busted open now but he kicks both guys in the head to keep control.

Another table is brought in and placed over Guido who is already under a chair. Crazy is laid on the table but avoids Tajiri’s top rope double stomp, sending it through the table and onto Guido for the elimination. So it’s Crazy vs. Tajiri for the title now with Tajiri blasting him in the face with a chair. A German suplex puts Crazy down for two and here’s the Network. Crazy powerbombs Tajiri down for two and slides in another table.

Tajiri comes back with a crowbar of all things and blasts Crazy in the ribs. The champion kicks him down and gets the crowbar but has to duck the green mist. Another powerbomb puts Tajiri through the table but there’s no one to count. Cue Rhyno for a Gore on Crazy and a piledriver from the apron through the table at ringside. Tajiri covers the corpse that used to be Super Crazy for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. This had to happen at some point as Crazy always felt like a placeholder until we got to the important stuff. That being said, it was nice for the 485^th edition of this match to actually be worth something. The carnage here was more than they needed, especially when you had three talented guys in there. At least it was exciting though.

Post match Cyrus comes out to celebrate and says that Tajiri will give the Network the title at Cyberslam. Also, Cyrus is God because he’s Network. Cue Sandman’s 3 minute entrance and after hotline and home video ads, we see Sandman blasting Rhyno with the cane. The fifth show keeps Rhyno down and Sandman keeps swinging until Cyrus tries to interfere.

Corino makes the save and Tajiri blinds Sandman with the mist. Rhyno picks up the referee and gores him through Sandman through the table. Joey asks if there’s anyone else to stand up to the Network so here’s RVD for a return. Cyrus threatens to fire Van Dam if he gets in the ring but Rhyno cuts him off, demanding that Rob get in. Rob cleans house by himself and stands off with Rhyno to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t horrible and the last half of the show was dedicated to the biggest story, which is a good thing at the moment. The Network is a well done story at the moment and it makes sense to keep the focus on it. RVD returning is a good thing as well as it gives the fans someone they can believe in, which has been sorely lacking in ECW lately. Nice episode but the same problems still plague them.

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It’s the closest thing to a major Christmas show I could think of. Also, what better way to almost close out the year than with an absolutely horrible show?

December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a huge celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by screwing up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his body.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant BS at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t BS. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks quite good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the freaking place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get destroyed on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw Vince. This was just dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to screw the audience like this, get over yourself Vince.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit ticked off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who freaking cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the freaking match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is WAY over. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of nonsense, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in THE MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had freaking TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

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ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: December 16, 2006
Location: TD Banknorth Garden Arena, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

This is a special Saturday show, likely due to Sci-Fi airing some horrible movie. The main story is who will be Lashley’s next challenger since Big Show has left the company. It’s not clear if Heyman will still be the main villain but he wasn’t long for WWE either at this point due to how awful December to Dismember came off. Let’s get to it.

We open with another recap of Lashley winning the title at December to Dismember as well as Lashley beating Big Show again last week.

Theme song.

Tonight it’s Lashley vs. the security guards.

Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Test shoves him into the corner to start and stomps him down, only to have Rob come right back with kicks of his own. They aren’t exactly thinking outside the box so far. A spinwheel kick sends Test to the floor and Rob hits a flip dive over the top to take him down again. Rob’s slingshot legdrop gets two but Test sends him into the post to take over. Rob tries to go up top but gets shoved out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Test working on the arm (not the one that went into the post but at least he’s trying) before slamming Van Dam down. Test goes up but dives into a boot to put both guys on the mat. Rob kicks him in the face a few times but rolls into a clothesline in the corner to give the Canadian control again. Test misses his big boot and crotches himself on the top, allowing Rob to hit a springboard kick to the face for a close two. The Five Star misses so Rob tries a sunset flip, only to have Test fall on top and grab the rope for the pin.

Rating: D. I know Test gets a lot of flack at times and this match is a good example of why he deserves it. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing when we came back with him working on the wrong arm. That’s so basic of an idea that it just shouldn’t be able to screw it up. It’s LEFT AND RIGHT for crying out loud. On top of that the guy just isn’t interesting as a villain at all. Why should I believe Test is a major threat to anyone when all he can do is grab a rope for a pin? Just bad stuff from Test here.

Here’s Matt Striker for his Classroom segment. He insults Boston as the child of the American Revolution, saying it should have been aborted. Striker rips on various Boston icons such as Red Auerback, John Kerry and Ted Kennedy. This brings out Balls Mahoney….who is beaten down by Striker without breaking a sweat.

Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke talk about how awesome they are.

CM Punk vs. Hardcore Holly

Punk armdrags and elbows Holly down to start and gets two off a clothesline. A snap suplex gets the same but Hardcore takes him into the corner and ties him up in the ropes. Punk charges into a boot in the corner but comes back with a swinging neckbreaker to put both guys down. Holly gets kicked and forearmed down for two but he counters the bulldog out of the corner and punches Punk in the head over and over for the DQ.

Rating: F. Give me a break. And a new heel please.

Post match Punk puts Holly in the Vice and makes him tap, BECAUSE HEAVEN FORBID HOLLY HAS TO TAP IN THE MATCH.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari

Dreamer wants Khali but gets a talkative Daivari instead. Daivari punches him to get things going and rakes Dreamer’s eyes, only to be caught coming out of the corner. A reverse DDT puts Daivari down and a regular DDT gets the pin for Dreamer in less than a minute.

Post match, Khali Plunges Dreamer again. Are we really building to Khali vs. Dreamer?

We recap Knox dumping Kelly last week.

Bobby Lashley vs. Security Guards

The guards are in masks and this is non-title. There’s no Heyman in sight so I’d assume he’s gone for good now. Lashley treats the guards (the Bashams but never revealed as such) like the dolts they are and throws them into each other over and over. One of the guards hits Bobby with a nightstick as the tagging phase begins. Lashley is beaten down for a few seconds but comes back with ease and throws the guards into each other some more. A spear puts one of them down and the Dominator is enough to get Lashley the pin.

Rating: D-. After the show they’ve put on so far, they really thought this was the right ending? Lashley barely broke a sweat here and destroyed the guards like they weren’t even there at all. How in the world is this supposed to be interesting? I know Vince loves the idea of Lashley because he’s big and muscular, but you need more than that to be a character.

Post match Lashley beats up the guards again to hammer the point home.

Overall Rating: G. Either for below an F or Good Grief this was horrid. Let this sink in for a second: Matt Striker was the best looking heel at the end of this show. The security was easily dispatched, Holly tapped out, Test is too stupid to remember left from right and Daivari lost in 55 seconds. Who is supposed to challenge Lashley? Other than Khali maybe, who would come off as a threat to him? This show needs a major overhaul and it needs one soon.

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ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: December 5, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s an important time in ECW as the only WWECW PPV has come and gone. December to Dismember was about as horrible of a show as you could ask for but it saw a new ECW Champion crowned as Bobby Lashley beat Big Show to win the title. Not that people wanted to see Lashley win but what personifies ECW better than a huge muscular man? Tonight is Big Show’s rematch. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Lashley winning the title at December to Dismember.

Heyman shows us Big Show’s blood on his tie. Big Show had agreed to turn ECW from a bingo hall promotion into a worldwide phenomenon. It took an Elimination Chamber and a 280lb man with a weapon to take the title from Big Show, so tonight there’s a rematch. Heyman is crying as he says all this.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam/CM Punk vs. Test/Hardcore Holly

Punk has a taped up shoulder. RVD says he knows Heyman was behind Sabu being attacked and not being able to compete inside the Chamber. Rob kicks Holly in the face to start and hits the split legged moonsault after Holly ducks the middle rope kick to the face. Holly sends him to the floor so Test can get in some cheap shots to give the heels control. Back in and Test pounds him down in the corner though the fans don’t seem to care.

Van Dam comes back with some kicks to the face but Test clotheslines him down and brings in Holly. Tazz amuses himself by saying Cacalacky over and over until RVD kicks Holly in the face, allowing for the tag off to Punk. The running knee and bulldog (which actually connect!) take Holly down and after Test is dispatched, the Rock Bottom sets up the Anaconda Vice, drawing in Heyman’s security for the DQ.

Rating: D+. As mentioned the fans didn’t seem to care for a good chunk of this and can you blame them? Who in the world is buying Test and Hardcore Holly as high level heels? There’s a reason they’re not on Raw and Smackdown after all. Punk getting a rub in the main event scene is a good thing though as he’s one of the most over guys on the show.

Post match Sabu comes out with his arm in a sling and destroys the security.

Daivari issues a challenge to Tommy Dreamer and throws in a video of Khali destroying Dreamer on Sunday.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari

Daivari jumps Dreamer during his entrance and goes after his injured ribs. Tommy fights out of a stretch on the mat and punches away before hitting the DDT for the pin in less than 90 seconds.

Post match here’s Khali with another Punjabi Plunge on a steel chair to Dreamer.

Next week’s show is on Saturday. Good to know.

Big Show says tonight Lashley is all alone and will get the beating of his life.

Kelly Kelly vs. Ariel

This is more fallout from a mixed tag Sunday. Kelly is all serious tonight which as usual doesn’t work when her song is about hollering in a club. Kevin Thorn is here with Ariel but there’s no Mike Knox in sight. Not that it matters as Thorn is ejected before the match gets started. Aries jumps her from behind and screams a lot while hitting some of the worst punches you’ll ever see. Kelly rolls her up for the pin after less than a minute. Riveting stuff here people.

Post match here’s Knox with roses for Kelly to beg her forgiveness. He’s sorry for walking out of the match on Sunday and gets on his knees in front of her. Knox says he’s sorry….for waiting so long to dump her. Kelly’s expression has barely changed from the time she came out to the ring. Knox hits her with the flowers and his finisher (Sister Abigail). Tazz gets out of his chair and chases Knox off to check on Kelly.

Back from a break and Tazz is singing about the show being on Saturday next week to show how serious the previous segment was.

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending and there are no special rules here. Big Show looks furious. Lashley ducks some punches to start and pounds away, only to be shoved down with ease. Bobby tries some more right hands but walks into a side slam to stop him cold. There’s a headbutt to Lashley and Show chokes away on the ropes. We hit the bearhug early on but Big Show drops to a knee to make the hold look less impressive.

Bobby fights back with even more right hands but can’t slam Big Show as we take a break. Back with Show standing on Lashley’s chest and slapping him on the back. An ax handle to the spine keeps Lashley in trouble and a whip into the corner puts him down again. Big Show stands on the back to make Lashley scream but he comes back with right hands (again) for two.

Lashley finally tries something new by kicking at Big Show’s legs but a shoulder block is only good for one. Both guys are down for a bit as Big Show is spent from a few right hands and a shoulder. Lashley still can’t slam Big Show and he can’t suplex him either, only to have Big Show suplex him down with ease. We hit the abdominal stretch (complete with the wrapped leg to make Monsoon happy) for a bit until Lashley comes back with more strikes.

A shoulder block just bounces off Show though and the challenger loads up a superplex. Bobby knocks him away and a top rope clothesline puts Big Show down. Some more clotheslines put him down again but Lashley charges into the chokeslam for two. Another chokeslam is countered and Lashley (kind of) slams him for two. A rather impressive delayed slam is enough to retain Lashley’s title.

Rating: C-. The match was boring but it was the perfect match for Lashley. He took everything Big Show had, kicked out of his finisher, and pinned Big Show clean with an impressive power display. That’s the perfect way to transition the top spot over to Lashley as Big Show was done at this point.

I mean that literally. Big Show wouldn’t be back in WWE for over a year.

Overall Rating: D. The main event as more well done than high quality and that’s the high point of the show. There’s nothing underneath the main event to speak of, other than RVD and Punk feuding with the remnants of Heyman’s regime. Thankfully this show is only an hour a week because more than that could be terrifying.

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Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Well we’re into the brand split era now and last month on Smackdown’s PPV, we had a Cell match between Taker and Lesnar. Bischoff’s response: the Elimination Chamber. This is one of those shows that ticks me off to no end because of how the booking goes. Other than that, we’ve got a stupid booking decision on Smackdown as well which I don’t think I complained about enough the first time. Let’s get to it.

The theme song is Always by Saliva which is a personal favorite.

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

This is an elimination tables match. Oh and that’s Bubba and Spike, not D-Von. Spike and Bubba got put through the same table on Raw Monday to set this up. The Dudleys and Jeff clear the ring to start and Spike is thrown into the arms of the Samoans. It’s Bubba vs. Rico in the ring at the moment, because putting Spike and Jeff against Umaga and Rosey is a great idea right? Bubba chops Rico HARD in the corner before things settle down.

What’s Up hits Jamal and we get to the tagging section of the match before everything breaks down again. Bubba tells Jeff to get the tables but Rosey runs over Bubba after Bubba sets up a table in the corner. A BIG backdrop puts Jeff on the floor and Rosey rams Spike’s head into a table. Rosey misses a charge and drives himself through a table in the corner but that doesn’t count because it wasn’t someone else putting him through.

Jeff tries a top rope dive at Rosey but literally bounces off. Rico brings in another table and gets caught in a Dudley Dog, but 3 Minute Warning catches him in a double powerbomb to put Spike through the table instead. Jeff and Bubba get slammed down but Bubba knocks Rosey off the top and Jeff sends Rico flying into a cameraman. Bubba pounds away but Rico hits a spinwheel kick to take his head off. Rico could go in the ring make no mistake.

Rosey and Jeff go out into the crowd and there’s a table out there with them. Jeff is put on said table as Bubba gets kicked in the face by Rico. Jamal misses a splash and crushes Rico, allowing Bubba to Bubba Bomb Jamal and go to save Jeff. With Bubba’s help, Jeff goes up to the top of an entrance and hits a BIG Swanton through Rosey through the table to make it 2-2.

Back in the ring Jamal has Bubba on a table ready for a Rico moonsault, but he looks hesitant to launch. He looks over his shoulder, shouts “C’MON JEFF!” before staggering. THEN Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico crotches himself. Not the best response but that’s on Jeff more than Rico. Bubba tries a belly to back superplex through the table but Jamal moves it away. Jeff hits Whisper in the Wind to Jamal and follows it with a dropkick.

Hardy goes to the floor to get another table which he throws at Jamal. Jeff tries to run the railing but Jamal throws the table at Jeff, who goes flying through it. That doesn’t count which I can kind of agree with. Jamal puts Jeff on another table and hits a HUGE splash off the top to eliminate Jeff. That looks awesome. Bubba beats on Rico in the ring but Jamal saves his sideburned buddy. Jamal goes up to try a top rope rana (I guess) on Bubba, only to get caught in a HUGE powerbomb through the table to get us down to one on one.

It’s Rico vs. Bubba with the former pounding away and pulling in another table. Rosey comes back in but Bubba pounds away on him too. Now Jamal is in there too and it’s D-VON to the rescue! He’s on Smackdown at this point so this is a big deal. 3D puts Rico through the table to end this.

Rating: B-. That’s likely high but this was what you want to open a show. It helps a lot that this was a fifteen minute match instead of like six minutes like they are on Raw. This was fun and the pop for the reunion of the Dudleys (which would be permanent) was a feel good moment. Good stuff here and a good choice to open things up, especially in New York City.

Stacy is at the World (WWF New York) looking great. She introduces Saliva who is doing a miniconcert at the club. They perform Always here to eat up a few minutes and we get a video about the remaining matches.

RVD is stretching before the Chamber.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

Jamie is defending and has Nidia with him. Kidman grabs two very fast rollups for two and make that four in the first 30 seconds. Jamie bails to the floor but Kidman throws him right back in. Noble comes back with a neckbreaker and it’s off to a bow and arrow. Kidman gets thrown to the floor and Noble hits a suicide dive. Tazz: “I think Noble has something up his sleeve, but he’s not wearing a shirt so he has no sleeve.”

Back in and Kidman speeds things up with a back elbow and a dropkick followed by an AA into a backbreaker for two. A Falcon’s Arrow gets two for Noble so Kidman hits Tessmacher’s Tesshocker (belly to back suplex position but he slams Noble down face first instead). Kidman loads up the Shooting Star but Noble bails to the floor. That’s fine with Billy so he dives on Noble out there to take the champ down again.

Back in and Nidia distracts Kidman but gets knocked off the apron by Kidman. The BK Bomb (Low Down) gets two for Kidman as does a Tiger Bomb for Noble. They go up top and Kidman hits a sitout inverted DDT. That was pretty awesome looking but it only gets two. Noble hits Orton’s Elevated DDT for two out of the corner so Kidman hits an enziguri to take over again. Billy loads up the Shooting Star but a Nidia distraction….only delays Kidman as he hits the Shooting Star for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. These two got going good and strong at the end which is exactly what you want from a match like this. When you can get into the area of a match where it’s one big move after another and you’re just waiting on one of them to stay down, that’s a great sign. The Shooting Star looked great too. This wasn’t a masterpiece or anything but it was solid.

Angle and Benoit are in the back and Angle is incensed that Kidman could win a title. If he can win, then so can they, as long as Benoit stays out of the captain’s way. Benoit gets in his face but Angle says they should be friends to the end. Benoit offers a handshake but Angle says no way. Angle: “I don’t shake hands! Tag team partners hug!” So HELL NO is ripping off Benoit and Angle?

Victoria, still psycho here, is looking in a mirror. Then she thinks it’s Trish and goes nuts.

We recap Trish vs. Victoria, which is a hardcore match. Victoria is batty and claims that it’s because she and Trish used to work together as fitness models, but Trish slept her way to the top. Tonight it’s about revenge. Why can’t stories today have simple backstories like that? I mean, it’s not that hard to LIE.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Hardcore rules here and Trish is defending. This is their second PPV match after Trish won last month. Victoria immediately chokes her with Trish’s coat before getting a broom out of one of the trashcans on each post. Trish jumps the broom (lucky guy) but Victoria takes her down almost immediately. Victoria chokes her with the broom in the corner but gets flipped to the mat.

Now Trish finds a trashcan lid but Victoria knocks the lid into her head with the broom. We head to the floor and Trish gets whipped HARD into the trashcan. Back in and Victoria hits her slingshot legdrop for two. The challenger puts a trashcan in between the top and middle rope but Trish grabs her legs and slingshots Victoria’s head into the can. Trish sets up an ironing board in the corner and whips Victoria into it for two.

It’s kendo stick time with Victoria taking a beating. She gets a boot up in the corner though and BLASTS Trish with a trashcan lid. Victoria has a bloody nose and sits on the middle rope, allowing Trish to try a rana out of the corner. Victoria counters into a kind of Boston Crab position, but Trish does a big situp and hits Victoria in the head with a can lid.

That only stuns her though so Trish BLASTS her in the head with a trashcan lid again to knock Vicotira off the ropes and out to the floor. Victoria gets a mirror from under the ring but Trish superkicks her down. Chick Kick (Punk’s high kick) gets two for Trish as does a bulldog. Victoria rolls to the floor and pulls out a fire extinguisher to blast Trish with. That and a suplex gets the pin and the title for the nutjob.

Rating: B. This was AWESOME with both chicks beating the tar out of each other. The story of the match worked really well too with Trish trying to wrestle her way out of trouble against a monster that wanted to hurt her no matter what. This worked really well and is one of the most intense Divas matches you’ll ever see.

Booker is getting ready.

Bischoff brags about the Chamber for a bit. Show comes up and says he’ll show Eric why trading him to Smackdown was a bad idea.

Heyman is worried that Brock can’t beat Big Show. Lesnar has (legit, due to Show hurting him at a house show) bad ribs.

We recap Show vs. Lesnar. Lesnar beat Taker in the Cell last month, so Show beat up Taker to make himself the next challenger. Even Heyman says Brock can’t beat him.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending here and is mostly a face now. It’s on in a hurry as the fans are behind Lesnar. Show gets in a shot to the ribs in the corner and launches Brock across the ring. Brock is all like BRING IT ON and grabs a double leg to take Show down. They head to the floor and Brock gets rammed into the post. Back in and Brock pounds away before hitting something like a belly to back suplex. Show misses a charge and Brock “hits” a German, which means Show lands on Brock’s head. Brock tries an F5 but Show knees him in the ribs.

The referee gets bumped and Brock THROWS Big Show down with an overhead belly to belly. Heyman throws in a chair and Brock cracks Show over the head with it. There’s the F5 and a new referee but Heyman pulls the referee out of the ring. This makes no sense and I’ll get to why in a second. Lesnar figures out what’s going on and gives chase, but charges right into a pair of chair shots to the ribs. Show chokeslams Brock onto the chair for the pin and the title. That’s Brock’s first ever loss.

Rating: D+. Most of that is for Lesnar’s INSANE power. Here’s why this match ticks me off: Lesnar had to get the title taken off of him because of injury. That’s fine. So they pick BIG SHOW to take it from him? This is the same idea as Nash beating Goldberg: you have an unstoppable monster and you take the title off of him for the sake of this old dude? You have Angle, Benoit, Eddie Guerrero and Edge on the Smackdown roster and you pick BIG SHOW? Now to be fair Angle got the title in a month, but why not just cut out the middle man and make a new star?

As for why Heyman’s turn makes no sense, the whole idea of the match was that Heyman didn’t think Lesnar could suplex, F5 or beat Big Show. He did the first two things and had Show beat until Heyman turned. Heyman is a lot of things, but he’s always been someone that knows what kind of a monster he’s got and sticks with them to the end. This is out of character for him, especially when an injured Brock had proven he could beat Show. So on top of being a bad match with bad booking, it makes no sense. Nice job WWE.

Show and Heyman immediately bail.

We recap the triple threat tag title match. Benoit and Angle beat Rey and Edge in the match of the year at No Mercy in a tournament final. The new champions argued over who is team captain and have to work together or they’re suspended. Edge and Mysterio won the titles on Smackdown in 2/3 falls match. Stephanie threw in Los Guerreros because these six are the Smackdown Six and you can’t have just four of them together, even though we’ve had that for months. Not that I’m complaining though, because this is going to be AWESOME.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros

Edge and Mysterio are champions and this is under elimination rules. It’s Mysterio vs. Benoit to start which is fine with me. Benoit hits a HARD chop but gets caught in a rana and a flapjack to give Rey what will likely be a short lived advantage. Off to Edge for a double hiptoss before Kurt gets the tag and a big pop. Chavo punches Angle in the back of the head and that’s a tag apparently.

Chavo gets shouldered down but nips up immediately. Off to Mysterio vs. Eddie which is one of those pairings that works no matter what. A headscissors takes Eddie down and it’s off to Kurt to face the masked dude. They’re going very fast paced so far. Angle misses a charge into the post but Rey takes too much time on the top and gets run over by Kurt. The Olympian tags in the psycho who suplexes Rey down for two.

Back to Angle who suplexes Rey down and gets in a cheap shot on Edge. The Angle Slam is countered but Angle clotheslines Rey down instead. Back to Chris as Tazz talks about Los Guerreros not wanting to get in yet. The battling partners tag in again so Angle can put on a front facelock. Rey fights up after about a minute in the hold and kicks Kurt in the face to take him down.

There’s the hot tag to Edge who cleans house with a bunch of suplexes. Eddie comes in and goes to the floor with Rey. Edge misses the spear and gets caught in a Crossface and ankle lock AT THE SAME TIME. Mysterio breaks both parts of the hold up and Chavo pulls Angle to the floor. Rey dives on both of them and Benoit Germans Edge but Eddie comes in off the top to sunset flip Benoit, sending Edge flying in a German for two each. Eddie gets suplexed to the floor with his head smashing into the apron on the way down. FREAKING OW MAN!

Benoit rolls more Germans on Edge (Gee I wonder why he needed neck surgery five months after this) and Eddie hits the Frog Splash on Edge but Benoit hits the Swan Dive on Eddie. Angle Slam and Ankle lock to Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge. Chavo hits Benoit with a belt and throws the belt to Angle. Benoit thinks Angle hit him and Mysterio dropkicks Chris into Angle. Angle and Rey go to the floor and Edge spears Benoit for the elimination. Absolutely amazing sequence there which NEVER STOPPED.

Angle and Benoit destroy Edge and Rey before leaving. They lay out Los Guerreros too for fun. Eddie vs. Edge keeps the match going and Eddie suplexes the Canadian down before it’s off to Chavo. Chavo pounds away on Edge as Los Guerreros double team. We get down to a much more standard tag team formula with Edge playing Ricky Morton. Edge finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s off to Rey.

Things speed up again with Rey flying all over the place and hitting a headscissors to put Chavo down. Edge spears both guys down and launches Rey up to rana Eddie off the top. That’s another awesome sequence. There’s the 619 to Eddie but Chavo hits Rey in the back to break up the West Coast Pop. Eddie puts on the Lasso From El Paso (a Boston Crab/Sharpshooter hybrid) for the tap and the titles.

Rating: B+. This was a match that felt like it got hacked to death. If you give these guys another 15 minutes (the match ran 20) and take away the belt shots, the match gets a lot better. The first half, as in before the first elimination, is INCREDIBLE. The stuff after that though is good but standard. Still though, these guys were the future of the company and it was a good sign to see them. Combine that with three guys named Batista, Orton and Cena that had debuted earlier in the year and you’ve got the next five years of WWE.

Here’s Nowitski to make fun of New York in a really stupid promo. Matt Hardy comes out to yell at him before blasting New York as well. The mouth running goes on even longer until FINALLY Scott Steiner debuts and murders them. Somehow this took SEVEN AND A HALF MINUTES. Steiner would go on to have perhaps the two worst PPV world title matches in recorded history against HHH before being shunted down the card.

Shawn says he believes in himself but we get RNN BREAKING NEWS! It’s Randy Orton who has a bad shoulder. He says there’s no new damage to his bad shoulder due to an extra pillow on the plane. This was the WAY over the top deal that Orton was doing which first turned him heel. I loved it but it got annoying fast, which is the right idea.

We recap the Elimination Chamber. HHH is the official WORLD CHAMPION OF EVERYTHING but Shawn beat him at Summerslam and wants a rematch. Bischoff wants to top the Cell so here’s his latest idea. The rules are mostly simple: two guys start and there are four more in individual pods. After five minutes there’s a new guy introduced and it’s elimination rules. The winner is world champion. The other four guys are there because they’re the biggest stars on Raw. This is set to Always again and they’re not even trying to hide that this is ALL about HHH vs. Shawn.

HHH says that he’s awesome and he’ll keep the title.

Eric comes out and walks through the Chamber to explain everything I just said. Apparently the glass is bulletproof. This is the first time the Chamber had been seen and I believe the first time the rules have been explained.

Raw World Title: Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam

Jericho is a tag champion, but the cool part here is that as he comes out, Saliva does his theme song live at WWF New York. HHH is defending of course. Shawn’s tights are….brown. This is one of those decisions that no one ever quite got and he was made fun of extensively for them apparently. I mean…..BROWN? Mankind wore brown for crying out loud. The wide show of the Chamber really does look cool. Anyway the entrances take a long time and RVD vs. HHH gets us going.

Van Dam hits a spinwheel kick to take HHH down but walks into a facebuster. The Pedigree is countered into a backdrop over the top to hit the cage outside the ring. JR’s statements about the Chamber are already nuts as he says it has no soul or conscience. IT’S A FREAKING CAGE! Anyway, HHH is rammed into the cage over and over to bust him open and Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder over the top rope to land on HHH on the cage. Yeah there’s a floor made of cage surrounding the ring that is level with the mat if you’ve somehow never seen one of these.

Van Dam goes up on one of the pods but his flip dive mostly hits the floor instead of HHH. Back in the ring and HHH gets stomped down in the corner as Jericho is added in as the third man. Van Dam immediately kicks him down and it’s five minutes until the next entrant. A cartwheel into a moonsault gets two on Jericho and they head outside the ring as well. In the first famous spot in the Chamber’s history, Van Dam jumps off the top rope, misses Jericho, and grabs onto the cage like Spider-Man before spinning back around to cross body Jericho. That’s still awesome.

HHH gets back up and hits the knee to the face of Van Dam which gives Jericho a two count. HHH and Jericho double team RVD before Chris tells Shawn to suck it. Van Dam’s back gets rammed into the cage wall some more and Jericho talks a lot of trash. Rob’s back goes into the cage over and over and we head back in to the ring. There’s a spin kick to put Jericho down as Booker T is in fourth.

Booker quickly clears the ring and we get a Spinarooni before Van Dam fights Booker one on one. Booker gets in some shots to Rob but walks into the stepover kick to give Van Dam control again. HHH gets back up and takes Van Dam down, only to get caught by the scissors kick from Booker. The next big spot of the match is Van Dam going up to the top of the pod and hitting the Five Star on HHH, with Van Dam’s knee hitting HHH’s throat, severely (and legitimately) injuring HHH’s windpipe. Since HHH can’t get up right now to eliminate Van Dam, Booker hits a missile dropkick to take Van Dam out.

Booker grabs a quick cover on HHH but only gets two. Jericho goes after Booker but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for his efforts. Kane comes in fifth because we don’t quite know if Shawn’s back can handle a full match yet. Kane goes off on Booker and Jericho as HHH lays on the outside. Jericho gets launched face first into the cage wall and is then thrown through the BULLETPROOF, yes BULLETPROOF I SAY glass. This would become a running joke in the Chamber.

JR says the Chamber has no soul or conscience again just to hammer home the point. Kane chokeslams Booker and Jericho adds the Lionsault to take Booker out and get us down to four guys. A Kane suplex gets two on Jericho as we’re waiting on Shawn to come in. HHH goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down ala Flair. Jericho missile dropkicks Kane down and here’s HBK.

HHH is down in the corner of course so Shawn can only beat on Kane and Jericho. There’s the forearm to Kane but no nipup, leaving everyone down at the moment. Kane whips Shawn HARD into the corner where Shawn flips upside down. There’s a chokeslam for all three remaining guys not named Kane but instead of covering, Kane loads up a Tombstone on HHH. Shawn superkicks Kane down but he sits up. The Pedigree and Lionsault finally put Kane out and we’re down to three.

Shawn gets double teamed by HHH and Jericho and it’s time for Chris to dance. After being rammed into the cage a few times, Michaels is busted open. Jericho talks more trash and HHH walks around a lot. Shawn tries to fight back but his piledriver on the cage is countered to backdrop his bad back onto the cage again. There’s the Lionsault….for two. You know, the move that put out Booker and Kane earlier? It’s now not enough to put down Shawn when he’s been beaten down and injured on top of having one match in four and a half years.

Shawn comes back with a moonsault press to Jericho for two before putting Jericho in the Walls. HHH finally comes back from getting popcorn or something with a DDT to Shawn. Jericho and HHH finally get in the argument you were expecting and the fight is on. Jericho jumps out of the corner and lands in the Pedigree, but Jericho counters into the Walls. While holding HHH, Shawn kicks Jericho’s head off and it’s down to one on one. If this surprises you, you’re an imbecile.

So it’s Shawn, bloodied and injured and in his second match in four years, against an also injured HHH in the main event at Madison Square Garden. Gosh I’m so glad these two are so selfless. The spinebuster puts Shawn down and HHH backdrops him over the top. Shawn sends HHH into the cage but when Shawn tries to Pedigree HHH on the steel, HHH counters into a slingshot through the cage again. You know, because Shawn would still be alive at this point.

Back in the ring all that gets two and it’s time for the slugout. Seriously, those brown tights are so stupid looking. A facebuster puts Shawn down and it’s another clothesline to put him onto the outside. The Pedigree on the steel is countered into another slingshot into the Chamber wall. Back into the ring and Shawn drops the elbow off the top of the pod. The Superkick is countered into the Pedigree and, say it with me, Shawn kicks out at two. Another Pedigree is countered into a backdrop, followed by the Sweet Chin Music to give Shawn the title.

Rating: D+. I’ve mellowed on this match in the last few years to the point where I’m not mad about it anymore. However, it’s still one of those matches where you look at it and say really. As in REALLY? We’re supposed to buy that Shawn can survive ALL of that and still win the freaking title? You have to keep in mind this isn’t the Shawn who was having the match of the year for like five years running. No one expected him to go on as long as he did. At this point, making it to Wrestlemania would have been impressive.

That’s where this match loses it for me: we’re supposed to buy that Shawn is so great, so amazing, and so tough that he can basically walk off the street and be better than four of the top guys in the business? There comes a point where my suspension of disbelief is cut off and I can’t buy this anymore. We passed that at Summerslam, making this even more ridiculous. This match is also the reason we had to sit through the AWFUL match at Armageddon, where HHH and Shawn got to waste 40 minutes of our time by barely being able to move.

In short, this is way more than I can accept as far as the match being realistic. In wrestling, you have to accept that some stuff is ridiculous. That’s called suspending disbelief. However, there comes a point where that’s not the case any longer. It’s unrealistic in wrestling terms to accept that Shawn can survive all this and win the title. This was pure selfishness from Shawn and HHH, which would get WAY worse in the future. HHH wouldn’t make a new star for over a YEAR when he put Benoit over at Wrestlemania in the same arena.

As for the rest of the match, it’s acceptable, but WAY too long. The Chamber matches need to go about thirty minutes instead of the forty this one went. The last seventeen minutes here, as in the amount of time after Kane is eliminated, are REALLY repetitive and while they had good drama, they needed to be cut. Booker, RVD, Jericho and Kane were all there to fill in spaces and be there for Shawn and HHH to bounce off of. I don’t hate the match, but it really doesn’t work all that well.

Confetti falls to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The show overall is pretty solid actually but the main event is a good sized letdown. The Show/Lesnar stuff I went on about enough, but other than those two things the card is pretty solid. The triple threat tag is good stuff but the No Mercy match is even better. This show is worth checking out, but you won’t be thrilled by the Chamber.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boys/Jeff Hardy vs. Rico/3 Minute Warning

Original: B

Redo: B-

Billy Kidman vs. Jamie Noble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

Original: C-

Redo: B

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Los Guerreros vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Original: B

Redo: B+

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Dang that’s a big swing on the Chamber. I don’t remember liking it that much the first time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/02/20/survivor-series-2002-the-longest-rant-about-anything-ive-ever-done/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

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Survivor Series 2001
Date: November 18, 2001
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 10,142
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

I’ve talked about the Invasion over and over and over as have a bunch of other people so I’ll spare you the big explanation of it. In short, WWF bought WCW and ECW (or close enough to that at least) and over the summer and fall of 2001, squandered what could arguably have been a billion dollars’ worth of stories, feuds and shocks. But hey, why make a fortune when you can destroy WCW and have a final blowoff in the home of Starrcade where you can say HAHA I BEAT YOU TURNER and crush WCW once and for all? That’s the whole show for the most part. It’s one Survivor Series match, winner take all. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a cool idea as it shows all of the old logos for the WWF over the years and a bunch of great moments in company history, set to a song called The End Is Here. Tonight it’s winner take all in the main event.

European Title: Christian vs. Al Snow

Christian is in the Alliance and defending. He greets his fans in South Carolina and says he’s awesome. Snow comes out to the Tough Enough theme which is always awesome. Snow takes him down to the mat which frustrates the champ. Christian comes back with a foot on Snow’s face in the corner followed by a Russian legsweep for two. We hit the chinlock as the match slows down.

Snow fights up and hits his headbutts but Christian hits a tiger driver backbreaker for two. Snow gets rammed into the buckle and things slow down again. The trapping headbutts hit Christian again and Snow escapes the reverse DDT into a neckbreaker for two. Heyman schilling for the Alliance guy is always funny. A sitout powerbomb gets two for Snow and now Christian’s reverse DDT hits for no cover. Instead Christian talks a lot of trash and gets rolled up for two. A top rope cross body is rolled through by Snow and the Snow Plow gets two. There’s the Unprettier out of nowhere to keep the title in the Alliance. That was quick.

Rating: C-. This is one of those shows where anything but the main event means nothing, which makes the first hour and a half of the show pretty uninteresting to sit through. This match was fine but it could have been on Smackdown on any given week. Snow and Christian are both good hands so a good match is really nothing shocking at all.

Austin arrives and yells at the Alliance. He doesn’t like being accused of being a traitor to the Alliance. This would be a lot better if Stephanie had more acting ability than say, a carrot. Austin yells at everyone on the team and says stop being paranoid.

Vince and Linda arrive with Vince brimming with confidence. Cole comes up and says this might be their last night in business but Vince doesn’t want to hear talk like that. Vince talks about taking calculated risks and being confident because someone is jumping to the WWF. Regal comes up and says he doesn’t buy the idea that Austin is jumping back to the WWF.

William Regal vs. Tajiri

Regal hurt Tajiri’s girlfriend Torrie on Smackdown to set this up. Also these two used to be friends. Tajiri is Cruiserweight Champion and was supposed to face X-Pac in a title for title match, but according to Commissioner Mick Foley, “No one cared about X-Pac or the Light Heavyweight Title anyway”. Tajiri fires off a kick but gets suplexed right back down.

The knee trembler takes Tajiri down but Tajiri goes after Regal’s knee with the kicks. There’s the Tarantula and Regal is bleeding from the nose. A handspring elbow gets two for Tajiri but Regal ties his head up in the ropes to stop the momentum dead. Regal tries a powerbomb but gets countered by another kick to the head. The Buzzsaw Kick misses and there’s the Tiger Bomb from Regal for the pin. Too short to rate but it was fine. Short, but fine.

Regal powerbombs him again post match. Torrie (looking GREAT in a purple top and leather pants) comes out to check on Tajiri, only to get powerbombed as well.

We recap Edge vs. Test. These two are both midcard champions after the seemingly dozens of never ending midcard title changes going on at this point. Edge is US Champion, Test is IC Champion, tonight only one belt survives.

Test complains about the makeup lady not rubbing in the oil well enough on him. Stacy comes up and agrees with Test. Test hits on her and she’ll think about it if he wins.

Edge compares himself to Test and says that there are a lot of similarities between them. The difference is that Edge hasn’t been dumped by every chick on the planet. Edge makes fun of Test for sounding wooden and that’s about it.

Intercontinental Title/US Title: Edge vs. Test

They fight over control to start with Edge taking over via a series of forearms to the head. Test powers him down and goes after the ribs with a wide ranging selection of stomps. We head to the floor with Edge being dropped across the barricade to further the attack on the ribs. Back in and Edge hits a dropkick to take over before we head outside again. Back in quickly and a swinging neckbreaker gets two for Edge.

Test drops Edge onto the top rope ribs first to reinjure him and the taller of the blonde Canadian champions takes over again. Test puts on a chinlock as the match slows down again. Edge fights up and avoids a corner charge before hitting a middle rope missile dropkick for two. A middle rope cross body misses though and Test puts him on the top rope.

Edge blocks a superplex with some CANADIAN right hands to the ribs but a sunset bomb doesn’t work. Test dives off the top but jumps right into a dropkick to put him down. The problem with this match is neither guy has been able to build up any kind of a run with the title as both have changed hands four times since the InVasion began about four months ago. How can you get behind either guy as a big time champion in that little bit of time? On top of that, Edge has been champion for six days and Test for thirteen. That’s not exactly Honky Tonk Man unifying with Luger in the late 80s.

Both guys are down now but it’s Edge up first with some clotheslines and a spinwheel kick. Test’s pumphandle slam is countered into the Edge-O-Matic for two. Test spears Edge down for two but the big boot misses. There’s the pumphandle for two but Test’s powerbomb is countered into a rana. Edge’s spear gets a close two but he can’t hit the Edgecution. Test tries a full nelson slam but Edge rolls through for the pin and both titles.

Rating: C+. This started pretty slow but it got going once Edge was able to start countering Test’s power stuff. In other words, Edge did the work to make Test’s generic big man offense look decent. This was probably the match of the night, which isn’t surprising given how hot Edge got in the next year.

Angle comes up to see a stressed out Stephanie. My goodness her acting is bad. I know I say that a lot, but IT’S FREAKING TERRIBLE. She says if the Alliance loses tonight, she’ll have to buy her own groceries and wash her own car. She can’t be a…..a…..a REGULAR PERSON!!! Angle reminds her that she’s special and doesn’t think Austin will jump.

A cage is lowered.

Jeff and Lita are talking about Matt being different lately. Matt comes up and yells at them for acting strange and not being focused enough. It turns into a rallying speech and things seem ok. The guys leave and Trish comes out of the same locker room Matt came out of earlier. It says Team WWF so maybe there’s nothing there……..but maybe there is. DUN DUN DUN!

WCW Tag Titles/WWF Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

In a cage. The Dudleys are WCW Champions and the Hardys are the WWF Champions and Stacy is STUNNING at this point as the Dudleys’ manager. All four belts get laid out between the guys in the ring and it’s time to go. There are tags required here and it’s Matt vs. Bubba to start. Matt can’t get anywhere so it’s off to Jeff who walks into a Boss Man Slam for two.

D-Von comes in as Heyman talks about Big Daddy Dudley which JR could not care less about. Back to Matt who rolls D-Von up for two but walks into a reverse inverted DDT for two. Bubba comes in again and drops a bunch of elbows for two. The Dudleys tag in and out a lot and it’s back to Bubba for more punching to Matt’s ribs. Bubba tries to ram Matt into the cage but Matt counters into a reverse DDT.

Off to Jeff who cleans house as everything breaks down quickly. Poetry in Motion hits Bubba and Matt climbs but D-Von makes the save. It’s pin/submission/double escape to win here and there’s a Bubba Bomb off the top to Jeff. Wouldn’t that hurt both of them equally? Bubba goes up again but Matt slams him down for two. Matt gets rammed into the cage but when the Dudleys try to do the same to Jeff, he grabs the cage and tries to climb out, only to get caught in a Doomsday Device (Paul: “WHAT A RUSH!”).

Matt gets crushed against the cage and Bubba whips D-Von into him for good measure. Bubba splashes him as well and the Dudleys are in full control. Jeff gets in a shot and Matt hits a top rope double clothesline to shift the momentum just as fast though. A DDT puts Bubba down for two and Jeff hits the legdrop between D-Von’s legs. A double backdrop takes Ray down again and the Hardys go up.

Matt hits a legdrop and Jeff hits a splash off the top at the same time for two on Bubba. Matt makes a climb but gets pulled down with one leg still stuck in the cage. What’s Up to Jeff and Bubba asks Stacy for a table. Stacy hits on Nick Patrick and picks the key out of his pocket. There’s a table in the ring now but Matt breaks up the 3D by jumping Bubba. Why D-Von didn’t flapjack Jeff through the table is anyone’s guess.

Bubba and Matt go tot he top and pound away at each other until Bubba is knocked down. Matt climbs down to escape but he’s left alone against the Dudleys. D-Von is rammed into the cage a few times and Jeff goes up as D-Von climbs onto the table for no apparent reason. Jeff looks down and sees D-Von there before diving off the top of the cage, but the Swanton misses. Bubba covers the table and therefore Jeff as well for the pin and the titles.

Rating: B-. This was the usual good brawl between these teams and it furthers the Hardys’ issues, but at the end of the day this feud was played out at this point. There was nothing left for these two teams to do and at this point it was being dragged out way too far. Still though, good match and a good way to I believe finally end this nearly two year long feud.

Jeff is taken out on a stretcher.

Mick Foley is at WWF New York and admits that his job (WWF Commissioner) means nothing.

Scotty 2 Hotty is about to be in the Immunity Battle Royal but Test beats him up to take his spot.

Immunity Battle Royal

Test, Billy Gunn, Bradshaw, Farrooq, Lance Storm, Billy Kidman, Diamond Dallas Page, Albert, Tazz, Perry Saturn, Raven, Chuck Palumbo, Crash Holly, Justin Credible, Shawn Stasiak, Steven Richards, Tommy Dreamer, The Hurricane, Spike Dudley, Hugh Morrus, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Funaki

No matter who wins the main event tonight, the winner of this is guaranteed a job for a year. Stasiak is thrown to the floor before the bell rings and is apparently out. Test drops to the floor to hide as Tazz comes in late. Since it’s a battle royal there’s really not much to talk about here. Everyone punches everyone and no one is put out for awhile. Heyman freaks out about Tazz because Tazz choked him out on Smackdown.

Hurricane dives at Farrooq and is clotheslined out by Bradshaw. Albert throws Saturn out and Test, who is back in now, dumps Farrooq. Page is put out by someone we can’t see and Storm superkicks Palumbo out. Morrus and Chavo run in as wildcards because they tried to jump from the Alliance to the WWF on Raw but got fired as a result. Billy dumps Chavo as Morrus is eliminated as well. Tazz dumps Dreamer and Crash as Storm low bridges Spike out. Bradshaw’s Clothesline kills Richards and he’s gone.

Tazz stops to run his mouth to Heyman and gets dumped by Billy. Test and I think Kidman put Albert out. We’re down to Bradshaw, Kidman, Gunn, Test and Storm. Sorry if I missed a bunch of eliminations but a lot of them weren’t shown. The fallaway slam puts Kidman out and we’re down to four. Bradshaw kicks Storm down and might have hurt his ankle. Things slow way down as Billy and Bradshaw hang on for dear life. Storm and Test team up to put Bradshaw out but Test dumps Storm as well. A big boot eliminates Gunn and Test wins immunity.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but at the end of the day, it’s a battle royal so what are you expecting to get here? Test would fall through the floor in the next year with no one caring about him at all. This was a pretty big batch of jobbers in there though and that doesn’t really make for an interesting match. Then again, neither do most battle royals.

Sacrifice video by Creed.

Booker is worried about Austin jumping. Shane says it’s ok and stick with it.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Ivory vs. Lita vs. Mighty Molly vs. Jacqueline vs. Jazz

Chyna relinquished the title earlier in the year without being pinned and then disappeared so this is the best we’ve got to pick from for the new champion. This is Jazz’s debut and NO ONE CARES. Why does no one care? Because Jazz meant nothing in ECW and was a face there but is a heel here. Jazz and Lita start things off with Jazz pounding away. Off to Jackie vs. Molly off some blind tags and somehow even fewer people care about Jackie.

Jackie dropkicks Molly down and it’s off to Ivory who gets caught in a sunset flip for two. This is one fall to a finish. Ivory slingshots Jackie into the ropes and it’s off to Trish who is looking very good in those little pink shorts of hers. Lita gets knocked to the floor and the three Alliance chicks (Ivory, Jazz, Molly) triple team Trish for a bit. Jackie double crosses Lita on Poetry in Motion and everyone hits their finishers on everyone else. The Litasault gets two on Ivory as Jazz saves. Lita gets backdropped to the floor and it’s Ivory vs. Trish left. Stratusfaction gives Trish I believe her first title.

Rating: D. It was short, the match wasn’t any good, Trish looked great in the skin tight barely there pink shorts, Lita looked good as usual, and that’s all I’ve got here. As usual with situations like this, when the previous champion doesn’t lose the title, the new champion comes in at a big disadvantage.

Vince looks at Team WWF and gives them a pep talk, bringing up names like Dr. Jerry Graham, Peter Maivia, Gorilla Monsoon (pop) and Andre the Giant (BIG pop). He understands he might be looking at a group of losers, and if that happens no one will ever forgive them. After listening to that speech, I want to go fight three WWF guys and one guy each from ECW and WCW!

We recap the main event which has been summed up pretty well already. Vince was replaced by Big Show and Rock and Jericho are having major issues. Rock is WCW champion and Austin is WWF Champion. This really does feel like a huge match. The video is set to Control by Puddle of Mudd which is a good song.

Basically Vince said that he was tired of all of the InVasion (I think a lot of us were at this point) and offered one winner take all match with the losing organization going out of business. Angle joined the Alliance after the announcement but Vince says Austin is coming back to the WWF, giving the Alliance reason to be concerned. Austin stunned Angle on TV recently to further that idea.

Team WWF vs. Team Alliance

The Rock, Chris Jericho, Big Show, Undertaker, Kane

Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Shane McMahon

Everyone gets individual entrances so it takes forever to get to the start of the match. As those are going on, a few things to notice here: Team Alliance has one of the biggest WWF superstars ever, a guy that at this point had only wrestled in the WWF, a WCW guy, an ECW guy, and the then heir to the WWF throne.

Also, as goes the stereotype for the WWF, most of their guys are big and strong instead of the more athletic styles of the Alliance team. One other thing: JR keeps up one of the annoying inaccuracies in wrestling by saying that Taker won the world title in his WWF debut. It was a year later, which you should know if you’ve been reading my reviews like good minions.

Rock and Austin start fighting before the bell and you know the early advantage doesn’t mean a thing in this one. Austin hits the Thesz Press and the middle rope elbow for a very early two. Rock comes back with a middle finger elbow of his own and dares Shane to get in. Off to Booker who gets clotheslined down for two as Shane makes the save. Expect to hear that line for awhile. Off to Jericho as Heyman blames Vince for the end of ECW.

Van Dam and Jericho have a nice fast paced sequence with Jericho hitting a spinwheel kick for no cover. Jericho chops away but misses a dropkick, allowing Rob to hit the cartwheel into a moonsault for two. For reasons likely related to high levels of drug use, Van Dam tries a standing rana on Jericho, only to be countered into the Walls. Shane makes the third save of the match already and it’s off to Angle vs. Kane.

Angle gets thrown around but eventually slips behind Kane and hits a German Suplex for two. Kane comes back with a side slam and the top rope clothesline for two of his own as Shane saves again. Off to the Dead Man who pounds away but misses a charge into the corner, allowing Booker to get the tag. Taker immediately drops Booker and hits a legdrop, but Shane breaks up his fifth near fall of the match.

There’s Old School to Booker followed by that lifting wristlock which always looks painful. Off to a short armed scissors followed by a clothesline for two, resulting in ANOTHER save from Shane. Austin comes in to pound on Taker (and to cause Heyman to say WHAT after everything JR says) but he gets caught in Old School. Say it with me: Shane makes the save. Taker gets caught in the wrong corner and quintuple teamed.

Angle is in next and tries to slug it out with the Deadman for some reason. Taker escapes a German and DDTs Angle down. There’s the tag to Big Show and JR almost immediately bashes him, saying Show can make a huge difference, or he can make some huge mistakes. Show throws around RVD and Angle before clearing off the entire Alliance corner. Angle gets underneath Show and there’s the Slam followed by an Ax kick from Booker (and a Spinarooni) and a Five Star and a top rope elbow from Shane for the first elimination.

Shane dances around in celebration before turning around to meet The Rock who beats the living tar out of Shane with right hands in the corner. Off to Kane for a chokeslam, then a tombstone from Undertaker and a Lionsault from Jericho to tie it up. That’s the best way to go as Show and Shane were the weak links on both teams. Angle vs. Jericho now with Jericho hitting the forearm to start. A double underhook backbreaker puts Angle down but Austin saves.

Angle uses an amateur takedown and brings in Booker to slam Chris a few times. RVD gets a tag but one of his shoulders in the corner is countered into a sunset flip for two. Off to Kane who catches a punch from RVD. Van Dam’s comeback? Kick the guy in the head. Why make things too complicated? Kane pulls Booker in and kicks him in the face too but the numbers game allows Van Dam to take Kane down and hit the Five Star. Rob takes too long to cover though and gets caught in a chokeslam, but Booker kicks Kane down. Everything breaks down and Rob kicks Kane from the top for the pin to make it 4-3.

Taker pounds on Van Dam in the corner while everyone else is fighting on the floor. Austin and Angle get in as well and Taker has to fight all four guys at once. He gets them all in a corner and keeps charging at all of them with clotheslines in a cool sequence. Snake Eyes and a big boot take Angle down and there’s a Last Ride for him as well. Booker comes in with a chair but Taker boots him down, leaving himself open to a Stunner from Austin and the pin by Angle. That leaves us with Austin/Angle/Booker/RVD vs. Rock/Jericho.

Booker stomps on Rock but Rocky comes back with right hands. A side kick takes Rock right back down but Rock does the same with a DDT for two. Booker charges into a Samoan Drop for two as Austin makes the save. Rock whips Booker into Angle and grabs a rollup to eliminate Mr. T, making it 3-2.

Rob is in next but as he goes up, Rock kind of powerbombs him off the top for two. Jericho gets the tag and hits a running neckbreaker for two before chopping away in the corner. Van Dam avoids the Lionsault and kicks Chris’ head off, followed by the split legged moonsault for no cover. Jericho pops up and hits a Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) out of nowhere for the pin and the elimination to tie it up at two each.

Austin slingshots Rock into the post on the floor while Angle and Jericho fight in the ring. Angle picks Jericho’s ankle and stomps away on him as Heyman thinks the Alliance can find a place for the Rock. Back to Austin to pound away on Chris and hit a superplex for two. Austin hits a kind of northern lights/belly to belly suplex for two and here’s Angle again. Jericho puts Kurt in the ankle lock but Kurt quickly escapes and hits a clothesline to take over.

It’s back to Austin for a suplex and an elbow to the face. Angle comes in and stomps away before it’s back to Austin who stomps away as well. We hit one of the few chinlocks in this match as Jericho is in trouble. Jericho fights up and it’s a double tag to bring in Rock vs. Angle with the Great One quickly hooking a Sharpshooter on Kurt for an even faster tap. Heyman LOSES IT in a great moment.

Off to Austin vs. Jericho with Chris trying the Walls but Austin rakes the eyes to escape. Austin can’t put Jericho in the Boston crab either but he gets the knees up to block the Lionsault. Steve loads up a superplex but gets shoved down, followed by a missile dropkick for Jericho for two. Austin counters a rollup out of nowhere for the pin and the elimination to get us down to Rock vs. Austin. Did you expect it to be anything else?

Rock hits a bad spinebuster but Jericho hits a Breakdown on Rock to take him down in a double cross. It’s not joining the Alliance, but rather just personal hatred. That gets two for Austin and Taker comes out to stalk Jericho to the back. Austin pounds away before launching Rock over the top and out to the floor. They fight on the floor with Austin being laid on the table and slapped in the chest over and over.

Austin comes back but gets sent over the announce table and punched in the face by Rock. Back in Rock chops away but gets caught in the whip spinebuster from Austin. Austin puts on a bad Sharpshooter and there’s your Montreal reference. Rock finally makes the rope so Austin grabs the WWF Title. Rock ducks the swing and puts Austin the Sharpshooter but he’s afraid to let go of the belt for some reason. I guess realizing he has a job no matter what, he grabs the rope instead.

Back up and Austin’s Stunner is countered into a Stunner from Rock. Why that puts Rock down after Rock had been in control for awhile is beyond me but whatever. Rock covers but here’s Nick Patrick to pull Hebner out. A Rock Bottom to Patrick is broken up and Austin Rock Bottoms Rock for two. Austin drills Patrick and pulls Hebner back in, only to be sent into him again as Rock counters the Stunner. There’s the Stunner to Rock but there’s no referee. Angle runs in and nails Austin with the title, letting Rock hit the Rock Bottom for the pin and the death of the Alliance. JR to Heyman: “You’re out of work! AGAIN!”

Rating: A. This felt like a main event and was very entertaining too. It runs forty five minutes bell to bell and feels like about half of that. At the end of the day, it was pretty clear what was going to happen but that doesn’t make it a bad match. Rock vs. Austin was pretty much done for a long time after this match, which is the right call as they had run it a lot this year. Great stuff here though.

Everyone celebrates and Vince comes out for the big dramatic pose, because this whole storyline was all about Vince and his kids remember.

Overall Rating: B+. Like I said, as goes the main event, so goes the show. The rest of the show isn’t bad but the main event is over an hour counting buildup video and entrances and all that jazz. The rest of the show isn’t bad at all with a good cage match and nothing truly bad that didn’t involve Trish looking great, so I can’t complain much here. Also, it gets rid of the Alliance which makes things better already.

As for the InVasion, I’ve gone on at great length about it already, but in short form here: it was the biggest waste of time, money, and potential that there ever could be in wrestling. This was the biggest storyline you could possibly ask for and they BLEW IT. There are multiple options you could go with here. One idea is have no mention on TV of the WWF buying WCW and just keep it going with WWF guys in charge behind the scenes. Think a network might have been interested with it being under the direction of the biggest wrestling company ever?

Another option: have the Alliance win. At the end of the day any money they’ve got goes into the WWF’s pocket as they own EVERYTHING, so what difference does it make? Granted that was never going to happen with Vince’s ego, but why let money get in the way of Vince feeling good about himself? The InVasion could have been so much more but it wound up running about five months with the WWF dominating the whole way through. Such a shame and a loss for wrestling fans who had waited for so many years for a chance to have this happen.

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Al Snow

Original: C+

Redo: C-

William Regal vs. Tajiri

Original: C

Redo: N/A

Edge vs. Test

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

Original: B+

Redo: B-

Battle Royal

Original: N/A

Redo: C-

Trish Stratus vs. Lita vs. Jacqueline vs. Ivory vs. Mighty Molly vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: D

Team WWF vs. Team Alliance

Original: B

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: B+

Like I said, as the main event goes, so goes the show. That’s apparently the case here as I liked both better the second time around.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/10/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2001-the-end-of-the-alliance-thank-goodness/

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